#and also ‘the less deep but more passionate the reason the funnier it is’ as a concept

[halfricanloveyou]

i think we should make ‘be normal to people who don’t like whatever piece of media or art you’re obsessed with’ into a normalized concept.

i think we should go even further and be normal to like…people who HATE what you’re obsessed with instead of vague blogging about them. even if they only hate it based on a surface level and don’t wanna give it a chance.

it’s always ‘let people like things as much as they want’ but for some reason ‘let people dislike things as much as they want’ is unforgivable.

[nitpickrider]

a bit silly, but if you had to fill an Avengers roster, who would you pick?

Wooof, oh me oh my. Let's lay down some ground rules before I do this. 1). Only people who have been Avengers at some previous point in time. Doesn't narrow it down a LOT but this list would be a jigsaw of my favorite Z-Listers otherwise 2). Limiting it to seven people. That's the magic number with superhero teams and it gives me a reason to stop

Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America: Sometimes you just cannot beat a classic and when it comes to Avengers line ups there is no one that I think is more integral than Captain America. The pathos that he brings to the table no matter what character he is interacting with is palpable and reading through his first big volume has given me a deep respect and love for the character. He's our leader for sure, the axis of solid, steady service I can hang my weirder picks on.

Dr. Walter Newell AKA Stingray: You all saw this coming and don't act like you didn't. One of my favorite if not my FAVORITE Marvel Characters of all time. He's a doctor with an interesting specialization. His "I'm only a part time superhero" hangup is even funnier and more interesting if forced into the limelight on THE hero team. Not to mention he comes with his own swanky Hydrobase we can use for an HQ and with his wife and four kids running around underfoot we have the kind of domestic adorability I think any good team needs.

Miguel Santos AKA Living Lightning: The first time I can ever remember reading about a comic book hero being gay, as just like, part of who they are. A tiny detail in their rich inner life. Not to mention the less respect a character gets the more I want to lift them up on my shoulders. He could be the sweetheart with a little chip on his shoulder from not getting the respect his objectively awesome powers objectively deserve.

Angelica Jones AKA Firestar: Something you may not know about me. The first piece of media that really opened my eyes as to the potential and depth and scope of the Marvel Universe was Spiderman and His Amazing Friends. It was cheesy, it was cheap and yet Angelica was the first character that I felt SPECIAL for knowing and caring about. She's happy, she's passionate, her simple classic costume kicks ass and the New Warriors need their goddamn respect. 'Nuff said.

Sersi, Just Sersi: What little I have seen of this character fucking FASCINATES me. This woman is chaos incarnate. It's like she is actively making on the fly decisions with everyone she meets whether she's going to kill them, screw them, turn them into a small mammal or some combination of the three. She's *Instant Plot Complication Just Add Water* because she saw a butterfly and that somehow translates to her blowing the entire team's cover.

Dane Whitman AKA The Black Knight: I love everything about him. I love his vibe, I love the fact that his backstory is built partially around recontextualizing the lore of a mostly forgotten Atlas fantasy comic. I love that he has a wickedly evil cursed blade that comes with the side effect of basically holding him hostage to a heroic moral code. And on top of that he's a dorky intellectual who can't see a social cue if it's blaring at him from oncoming traffic.

Jennifer Walters AKA She-Hulk: ...I do not feel the need to explain or justify this choice. YOU know Jen is awesome. *I* know Jen is awesome. She-Hulk does not need justification. She shows up in stories and makes them better by existing. Also yes this is the bodytype I'd use. Yes, I have an addiction. No, I don't feel the need to explain that either. RESERVISTS: Characters I really like but either don't know enough about or don't think they make good Avengers

Marc Spector and System AKA Moon Knight: One of my favorite dudes but does NOT play well with others. Was interesting for about 10 seconds as a member of the West Coast team but I'd prefer he never touch the ranks again.

Flint Marko AKA Sandman: Marvel did Sandman fucking dirty by never letting him fully reform and be the good guy. I want Sandman to be the good guy dammit

Maria de Guadalupe Santiago AKA Silverclaw: I know literally nothing about her outside of reference books but her powers are dope and I dig her vibe.

[fiovske]

hi im the bisexual maelstrom anon again haha! i didnt plan on responding but i figured i'd clarify it! liam said on talks that the reason he wanted to team with trent was because it'd be the perfect bisexual maelstrom of all of the people caleb had been attracted to in the same place (and he listed by name astrid, jester, eadwulf, and essek). that may not be the exact phrasing but that's the gist. while it was a joke, i feel it just... absolutely bolsters your point about his penchant for drama over characterization. i think it could work with another character, but because caleb's past is so deeply connected to real life issues that carry a deep social stigma in today's world (abuse trauma and PTSD) there's a certain level of responsibility involved with playing these characters. i don't expect liam or anyone to be perfect in portraying characters that are trauma survivors, but i wish he would've thought more deeply about the implications of working with his character's abuser and what kind of message he may be sending to the viewers (and as you pointed out, especially viewers who may identify with caleb/are trauma survivors themselves!) by doing so. i think the idea of the maelstrom would've been much funnier if he had thought about it, and then realized that it was a bad idea and shut the trent discussion down, and then told the fans about it, but now caleb has canonically attempted to convince essek into working with the man who had abused, tortured, and brainwashed him and that is a very upsetting reality for me. i also totally agree with you about how he interacts with fans, i always found it off putting but you put it into words! anyways thank you for the sweet reply to my ask, i'm rooting for you!

ah thanks for clarifying! and holyshit ur so right. it's... man it sucks bc he literally does not care for the real world implications of his character choices and what it means to fans/audience of trauma and abuse. it's the least someone can do when choosing to portray a character w such background and issues. but liam is so in over his head only thinking of his own damn self and his sHakEsPeArEaN dRaMa iS mY pAsSiOn bs that he doesn't spare a thought to however joke-y it might have been... it actually exposes his underlying thinking of how the choices he makes are less character/narrative based and more "what will be SO DRAMATIC that I am the centre of spotlight no matter what happens?? hmm...." vibes to it.

and thank you for ur kind words! means a lot to me 🤍

[missinghan]

time lapse ⤖ seo changbin

❖ genre : idiots to lovers! au; long-distance relationship! au; fluff; a teeny tiny bit of angst

❖ word count : 14,9k.

❖ warning : explicit language, suggestive remarks & mentions of alcohol

❖ summary : you used to see Changbin as a friend until you realized that you both don’t look at each other the way best friends are supposed to. 

one.

Apparently, people like you and Changbin don’t look forward to spring breaks, ever, because you simply cannot see the point in getting pumped for the very few days of sleeping in only to dread every last moment of it. Hence, he keeps FaceTiming you every day and night with such ridiculous reasons it actually boosts your ego into thinking that he misses you. 

Oh, boy were you wrong.

But this time around, he seems so flustered and burnt up all of a sudden it makes a smirk creep its way up to your lips. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, you’re more than satisfied like a sadistic predator. You can really use some tea right now, it’s been a little boring without any dramas other than Hyunjin being dramatic over how his hair does not look good in any way, shape or form. That alone is enough for you to throw him off a cliff because since when does Hwang Hyunjin not look good?

Changbin asks. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes, I have. You’ve been asking the same question for five minutes straight.” You roll your eyes at him in the bitchiest way possible. 

He questions subconsciously, only to have you narrow your eyes at him. “You have work tomorrow, right?”

“Bin, you have my schedule. Of course, I have work tomorrow.” You utter in disbelief. 

“Can’t I just make up excuses to call my favorite girl?”

You make a gagging noise. “Cut the bullshit. Spill or I’m gonna whip out the big gun.” 

“And what is that?” He drawls the question in boredom. 

You grin at him coyly. “I’m gonna tell Chan to poison you with cilantro.” If Changbin had to choose between eating cilantro and jumping into a tank full of sharks, he’d definitely, without a second thought, sleep with those horrifying fishes with ridiculously deadly teeth. He hates cilantro with an ignited passion, and he’s entitled to that decision for the rest of his life. He’s sworn that he would never eat cilantro as long as he lives. 

“Fine,” Changbin huffs in defeat as he holds his phone up while lying on his bed. “I need your help.”

You twirl the end of your hair dreamily and acknowledge his request. “I like the sound of that, go on.” 

He shoots you a dirty look, proceeding to continue. “How do I get a girl to notice my feelings for her?” 

His words strike through your eardrums like a lightning bolt. You don’t know whether you should be crying or laughing because 1) Changbin was never the kind of guy to be interested in having a girlfriend, he has always kept his hands to himself since forever although girls were more than ready to throw themselves at him anytime, anywhere; 2) How come he has never talked to you about this? You feel utterly betrayed because the key to having a long-distance relationship is to not hide anything from each other. And he’s doing the exact opposite of that; 3) You don’t feel as happy for him as you’re supposed to and now you feel like a horrible friend. 

“Oh-my-god.” You gasp scandalously. “I’ve been waiting for this day to come my entire life! And it’s happening right in front of my eyes! It’s actually happening! Wait… did you already pop your cherries or…” When Changbin looks like he’s about to put your head on a stick, you quickly realize that you should have just focused on the topic. 

He fakes a smile. “And what day is that?” 

“The day that my best friend asks for relationship advice from me! To finally embrace the most amazing thing to happen in life, called ‘love’! Duh.” You prop your head onto your hand, blowing a few strands of hair out of your face. “So, who is she?” 

“I don’t know if you can really help me Y/N but she’s like 5,000 miles away from me right now—“

“What did you just say?” You cut him off unintentionally. “Is she an exchange student?”

“Yeah? You can say so..” He trails off and scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “We met on Tinder and got to see each other later at a uni conference, and she’s really—“

You cut him off again, this time, it’s intentional. “Run, just run away.”

“Why?” He looks at you weirdly. “You’re not making any sense right now.”

You chuckle creepily, making him shudder. He’s never seen you laughing in such a dark tone it makes him wonder if you’ve been possessed or not. “Running away is actually a smart move, my friend. Just get yourself out of the war before there’s blood on those precious fingers of yours. Exchange students get all the attention. Guys or girls, doesn’t matter. Students are gonna be attracted to them like a bunch of moths to a tiny spark of flame.”

“But, but—“

You stop him before he can even say something stupid. “No but. And a long-distance relationship too? Not ideal. You can’t just slide into her DMs and ask her to be with you when you’ve only met twice. Unless her feelings aren’t necessarily not mutual. But yeah, I doubt that.” 

“Whatever, I might as well just gonna fly home and watch some shitty movies with you instead.” Changbin purses his lips in boredom and runs a hand through his hair. “Do you wanna watch that zombie movie still? Zombieland right?” 

You nod eagerly because gosh, after months and months, he still remembers. It’s one of those little moments which perfectly showcases how much Changbin cares about you. Because unlike some people, he actually pays attention to what you’re saying. And you would be lying if you said that those little actions of his never made your heart tingle. They do, and it sucks. 

“Damn right, I’m pumped for the sequel, never really got the chance to watch it since college has been nothing but a bitch to me.” 

“You’re so fucking spoiled, Beastie.” He snickers, biting back a smile. But deep down, you can clearly see right through his facade and feel the slight disappointment in his brown eyes. Exchange student or not, if it’s what makes him happy, then you fully support his decision. And if that girl ever tries to pull a dirty move on him? You’ll hunt her down and sell her off to some random mafia organization. 

You laugh wholeheartedly, trying to lighten up the mood. “Listen, if you kept scrolling through Tinder, having a girlfriend wouldn’t be a problem. Because I’m pretty sure there’s not gonna be a single person who’d not swipe right.” 

Changbin cocks a brow. “Why not?”

“Because you’re hot as shit!”

He groans loudly at your bold statement, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. “Shut up, mom.” 

You smile cheekily at him. “Love you too, honey boo.”

two.

As much as you clown Changbin for using Tinder since the day he asked you for dating advice, you can’t help but think that you’re a little bit lonely without his company. Funny enough, you also found yourself scrolling through the infamous app for hours and hours until there’s a match. 

The only thing that’s funnier than Changbin asking dating advice from a total fetus than you is you talking big games to him when you haven’t even got laid, not even once. So obviously, you’re so close to pissing your pants as you dread the drive to your date, tremendously. 

“Since when did you even start using dating apps?” Yeji scrunches her nose in disapproval as she starts the engine. You both just finished watching ‘Dolittle’ since Robert Downey Jr. is an icon and you’re not planning on missing out on any of his movies. But that’s not the point because the point is, your roommate knows your impulsive ass too well. Meaning, she’s not letting your day end without giving you something to feel better about it. More straight forward-ly, she’s trying to lighten up your mood before your date can piss you off. 

You singsong, trying to wiggle yourself out of the situation. “Since Seo Changbin asked me about a girl.” You know Yeji just as well as how she knows you, so you’re taking advantage of her carelessness to bring up a whole new topic before she can lure you into ‘the talk’. 

Yeah, ‘the talk’, sounds scary enough if you’re thinking about that one awkward, intimate conversation with parents about how babies are made. You think it’s utterly useless since society is basically corrupted and kids these days are all over the place, watching porns left and right with their parents’ IDs. So having ‘the talk’ with Yeji is definitely not gonna be full of questionable statements in replacement for making love. 

As far as you know, she only forces someone into ‘the talk’ with her when they suddenly have some kind of romantic interest in another human being. Upon hearing that, she’s gonna be out and about, playing the role of God and telling people all of the do-s and don’t-s along with a detailed description of how she’s gonna drag that person to the very bottom of hell if they end up breaking their heart. You’re sure as hell that you’re not ready to talk about it with her. In other words, you’re not ready for her to torment you about some boy that you haven’t even met. 

“Seo Changbin, dating someone?” Yeji fakes a gasp. “Wow, tell me all about it.” 

You roll your eyes at her. “So you knew?” 

You don’t know why you’re even surprised anymore since Changbin tells Hyunjin everything who’d spill everything to Ryujin for their midnight gossip session who’d complain about it to Yeji later on. The cycle is fully completed before you even know it and that does not make you feel any less of a dumbass. 

“Duh,” She purses her lips before making a turn at the second intersection. “Listen, just enjoy your date, I’m not gonna tease you about it until you tell me how much of an asshole that guy is.” 

You sigh in relief, drowning into your seat like a jellyfish. “Thank God.”

“But,” Your roommate drawls the word for a painfully long time. “Can we just talk about how it’s such a shame? You and Changbin would make an extremely adorable couple, right? I kid you not.”

You choke on your own saliva, coughing furiously as your hand desperately tries to roll down the window for some fresh air, mainly for the heat that’s slowly creeping up on the apples of your cheeks. “Who would ship me and my best friend together? That sounds like every drama to ever exist. Ew.” Hissing at her like a snake, you repeatedly fan your face with the hope to rid off the annoying coral tint. 

Yeji narrows her eyes at you and quickly diverts her attention back on the road because no one is getting pulled over on a gorgeous Saturday night, at least not her. She still has to finish the last episodes of the drama she’s been fangirling over. “So you’re telling me that you’re not jealous when Changbin told you about other girls? You’re totally, absolutely, entirely okay with him hanging out with some random chick in Italy?” 

It makes your blood boil even more when she mentions the fact that yes, Changbin is having fun with someone who’s probably ten thousand times hotter than you in Europe, but you’re more pissed off at the fact that she’s always right. Of course, you’re fucking jealous, why wouldn’t you? You can’t even fathom the sheer fury that’s running through your veins. Your heart is pumping pure exasperation into your brain. Even your liver can’t filter such anger. You hate the idea of Changbin wrapping his arms around someone other than you so much you’d rather choke yourself to death than even glance at such sight. 

But, for the sake of a completely normal conversation, your mouth says otherwise. “Why not? He’s not my property, I don’t get to decide who he falls in love with. Moreover, he deserves someone he truly adores. That’s not my business for all I know.” 

“Liar,” Yeji smirks. “Enjoy your date all you want, Y/N. Try not to think about Changbin too much or your date’s gonna flip.”

Again, you can’t stress enough how annoying Hwang Yeji is because somehow, in which you still don’t know how, she can read your mind in a snap of a finger. So it’s no surprise for her to know that you’ve actually thought about dating your own best friend before. It sounds so cliché you might bury yourself alive if you accidentally slip one day and confess your stupid feelings for him. As if on cue, your sixth sense is currently tingling, trying to tell you that you will definitely make a fool of yourself as you try to elaborate on how you feel about Changbin. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” You sneer sarcastically at her as she parks her white Rover right in front of the restaurant. 

The moment you step out of her car, Yeji tosses you a look. “Don’t you dare trip on me Lee freaking Y/N, don’t even try it.”

“I’ll have Minho pick me up, now skittle outta here.” You grimace before shutting the door close. Turning on your heels, you inhale sharply and push the glass door open to enter what seems like literal hell on Earth for the next four hours or so. 

three.

Being on an actual date reminds you of why you never even use dating apps in the first place. 

The only part that prevents you from running away is that Yeji has his dating profile. She knows his number, his occupation, his face, and all that jazz because meeting strangers for the very first time and already eating out with them gives you every right to be paranoid. But you’re not gonna tell him that because you still respect him just fine. And in case he’s acting all sketch, you’re gonna make sure that he’s not going home in one piece. 

Okay, you can’t just blame Jaemin because he’s not an asshole. He really isn’t. He’s a nice guy in general: respectful, confident, and outgoing with a good sense of humor. Respectful? Checked. Confident? Checked. Good sense of humor? Checked. Outgoing? That’s the dealbreaker right there. You don’t hate him for it, it’s just he’s too outgoing for an introverted potato like you. 

Both Jaemin and Changbin have very strong personalities like every Leo should. You’re most definitely not an astrology nerd but you’re educated enough to know that Leos are dramatic, warm-hearted, passionate and impulsive. 

In which, Changbin makes you laugh your ass off until you can’t even breathe whenever he’s whining about you waking him up at 9 a.m. But you gave Jaemin nothing but a scrunch of your nose when he yelped out loud as his mashed potato was too hot. And you kindly offered to finish it for him after knowing that he can’t have dairy products. Changbin’s managed to get you out of the house every weekend even when it’s a simple trip to the mall and whereas, Jaemin makes you feel more of a voiceless being when he continuously brings up one topic after another at the literal speed of light. You almost miss how you can just throw out the most random sentence without being afraid of someone judging you. 

Clearly, Jaemin isn’t the one to blame here. 

Admittedly, it’s just a ‘you’ problem. 

And even more admittedly, it’s just because Na Jaemin is being himself, and will always be himself. He’s never gonna be, and will never be Seo Changbin. 

Seriously, what’s up with Changbin taking over your mind today?

“Do you perhaps wanna watch a movie after dinner— you’re not listening to me, aren’t you?” Jaemin stops mid-sentence when he catches your dreamy expression, for the fifth time that night. 

You quickly regain your composure and sigh in defeat. “Fine, you got me. Again.” Burying your face into your palms, you’re practically choking on your own frustration because you don’t wanna lash out on him just because he’s not your type. “Ugh, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve never been on a date with a stranger before. Who’d have thought talking on texts was so much easier?” 

Jaemin props his head on his hand and makes eye contact with you. He breaks it after a good five seconds to catch you off guard, slowly processing his current thoughts like a lawyer in court. “Let me guess, you’re in a long-distance relationship with someone but since they’ve been away for quite some time, you got bored. So that leads to you, drum rolls, hopping on Tinder to find a one night stand.” He closes in proudly, a triumphant smirk painted on his slightly chapped lips. 

For the first time after hours of dreading Minho to come and pick you up as soon as possible, you can finally let go and have a good laugh. It’s like the pressure of being on a date is gladly lifted off your shoulders and you feel like you’re just catching up with an old friend. Which is weird because Changbin— Would it kill to stop thinking about Changbin for once in your life you dumbhead?

“And how did you know that?” You smile at Jaemin, deciding to focus on him for the rest of the night so that he doesn’t think you’re disrespecting him. A date is still a date. Even when the feelings aren’t mutual, the amount of respect should be.

He slowly takes a sip of his water and chews on his steak after. “Not to be creepy but when you went to use the restroom, a notification showed up and I saw your lock screen. He looks like one of those hot SoundCloud rappers who manages to stay anonymous under their stage name even when they’re mad famous. You know, cool people making dope music without being too problematic like ‘real’ celebrities.” Jaemin says it with such admiration you’re nearly more than ready to rant about how talented of a music prodigy your best friend is. But for the sake of him being your best friend, you’re not gonna do that. Yet. 

“We’re not dating, just childhood best friends.” 

He wiggles his eyebrows at you with mischief laced in his brown eyes. “You have a thing for him then. Aha! I knew it! All best friends are obligated to be together, it’s an unwritten norm of the universe.” Wow, just when you thought that no one would know about your feelings for Changbin other than your annoying, chaotic friend group. 

“In my defense, he was the one who set that photo as my lock screen.” You grunt under your breath but don’t even try to hide it. “I shouldn’t have swiped right.”

“Be grateful that you did.” Jaemin inhales the last bits of his dish with satisfaction, dabbing the sauce on his lips away with a napkin. “Because not only am I paying for the meal, I’d love to meet up again to hear you ramble about the boy on your phone. As friends. Also because you totally saved my lactose intolerant ass back there.” He declares loud and clear, smiling from ear to ear. 

You roll your eyes at him in slight annoyance. “Fine, but I’m paying for the movie tickets.”

Jaemin extends his fist. “Frozen 2? I know a place that’s having it tonight.”

“You got it, broski.” You chuckle and bump your fist with his while your heart is yelling at you to get the fuck out of this restaurant because you’re about to suffocate yourself with the amount of painstakingly awkward silence that this place possesses. 

Before you even know it, you’re walking out of the Hilton Hotel with an empty bucket of popcorn in your arms as Jaemin hogs two cups of Coke which are left with nothing but ice cubes right beside you. It’s like the whole being too cautious thing that’s been driving you insane has disintegrated into literal dust. Watching a movie with Jaemin feels like you’re babysitting your non-existent little brother while your parents are out of town and Minho is bar-hopping with the guys. Except for the fact that he gave you his hoodie because the cinema’s ACs are ridiculously cold as always. But it’s really nice, actually, because although the date didn’t turn out how you expected it to be, you did make a new friend. 

That rarely happens so you’re definitely giving yourself a pat on the shoulder. 

“The plot was kinda messy, don’t you think?” You ask him after tossing the bucket into a nearby trash can. 

Jaemin nods in acknowledgment and swings an arm around your shoulder. “It was all over the place, I’m with you all the way. And Elsa in that purple dress too? Yikes.”

You laugh with him, continuing the conversation with much less ‘watch what you’re saying’ and more ‘actually enjoy the date for the sake of it’ until you both reach the parking lot. “Drive safe and text me when you’re home, okay?” You remind him like the bossy person that you are as you pull out your phone from your purse. 

“You’re not my mom.” Jaemin snickers and his fingers hover above the tips of his keys inside his pocket. “Wait, your brother’s picking you up right?”

[9:35 p.m.]

y/n | hey, pick me up already. 

meanhoe | sorry sis, I’m a bit occupied over here. 

meanhoe | just call a ride home or smth.

[9:36 p.m.]

y/n | LEE MINHO ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

y/n | do you have the slightest idea about how many serial killers are lurking the streets, waiting for girls like me to fall right into their traps?

meanhoe | paranoid.

[9:37 p.m.]

meanhoe | let me tell you about how Han Jisung is taking a nap on my lap rn.

meanhoe | in graphic details.

[9:38 p.m.]

y/n | or I can just tell you about that time when mom and dad found you right next to a trash can on a sidewalk instead? 

y/n | it’s a very lovely story, trust me.

[9:39 p.m.]

meanhoe | ugh, what do you want?

y/n | nothing, Jaemin will drive me home.

y/n | goodnight.

[ 9:40p.m. ]

meanhoe | hey! I can make it up to you still!

y/n | I SAID GOODNIGHT.

You toss your phone back into your purse in pure disappointment. And with a prolonged sigh, you turn to Jaemin. “He abandoned me. Can you give me a ride home?”

He cackles at the scowl on your face and gestures you towards the seat next to the shotgun window. “Hop in.”

four.

“Wow,” Minho utters. “Just wow.” 

“It’s you again, why am I still surprised at this point?” 

He grins coyly and slips the keys into his pocket before running a hand through his bed head. Chuckling creepily, he watches as Changbin struggles to roll both of his suitcases across the bumpy surface of your front porch. “You left my sister crying with a bucket of ice-cream for Italy. How does that feel? You know, to finally be free from her ?” Minho inquires with an amused smile. “But on a serious note, she missed you, very much so. Did you even tell her about this?

“Minho, it’s supposed to be a surprise. Do I have to translate ‘surprise’ into whatever the fuck of a language that all snakes speak in general or you’re fully capable of doing that yourself? Also, it would be so incredibly kind and generous of you to actually comprehend my messages.” 

Minho chuckles and leans back against the wall comfortably. “Why not move back here then? Aren’t you done with your degree already? Or did Italy blind you with their good food and hot girls? You’re quite qualified to be my roommate.” He drags the last part. “Just wish you didn’t have to give me that attitude whenever I’m trying to start a civil conversation.” 

Changbin scoffs at him, clearly uninterested. And Minho’s definition of a civil conversation just concerns him even more. “I have enough qualities to be your roommate? Let me guess, smart ?” 

“Secretly a nerd.” Minho tuts. 

Changbin shoots him a dirty look. “Composed?”

“I’d say indifferent and stubborn.” 

“Brave enough to kill some stupid bugs for you?” 

Minho rolls his eyes. “More like painstakingly reckless.”

“You literally fell off the couch when Jeongin accidentally popped a balloon with his pen.” 

A smirk blooms on his lips. “But you gave him an entire lecture about why he shouldn’t bring pens to a party. Inspiring leadership.”

“Looks good in black?”

Minho looks unimpressed. “Everyone looks good in black you moron.”

“Then why the fuck are you trying to pull me into your system?!” Changbin throws his hands upwards, a frustrated groan escapes his lips. “You know I hate commitments. They give me anxiety. Especially when it involves you.” Which is not entirely correct because he did have a date last week or should have had a date last week. He was so close to pissing himself in the middle of a Michelin rated restaurant. But lucky him, his date flaked out on him before he could start having a full-on mental breakdown inside the restroom. 

A glint of curiosity ignites in Minho’s orbs. “Because you absolutely have no life whatsoever.” He starts calmly, going back and forth within the limited space of the hallway. “And don’t even get me started about your love life. It’s drier than Chan’s attempt at making macarons. Oh and remind me, did your goldfish die or did you kill him? Did he die or was he killed? Or was it both?” He taunts further, and further, and further until he’s hanging on that weird borderline between having Changbin lunge at him like a predator and succeeding at luring him back to Seoul. “I’m being as kind as my mind can possibly allow without a drop of caffeine so you better take it while you’re at it.”

Changbin is fuming with nothing but pure anger. He’s so fucking close to crush every single strand of liveliness left inside of the man in front of him until he turns white like a complete ghost. But he’s also convinced that Lee Minho is just a non-biological heir of the Angel of Death. Hence, getting rid of him is impossible. “Come over here and make me.” Crossed arms, he’s determined to not leave the city without at least throwing a punch at Minho’s ridiculously perfect face. 

“What are you? Four?”

Changbin stops himself from throwing hands at him and turns on his heels. “Nothing, it’s just that I don’t really like you all that much.” He makes his way to the kitchen, tossing his black beanie onto the counter. 

“Yeah, me neither.”

He protests triumphantly. “See?”

“Listen up you man child,” Minho grits and walks behind him through the living room, passing by a hungover Jisung with Woojin on top of him at an unusually persistent pace that seems to cover up the bubbling anger inside his stomach. “Would you stop what you’re doing and listen to me when I’m trying to prove my own point? I’ve known you for all my life—“

Changbin interrupts him. “Those times when you passed by me at the library and made fun of me for studying for finals in high school? Doesn’t count.”

Minho hides behind a rather cheerful voice, his stare colder than an ex-wife’s fighting for custody over her child in court. “That doesn’t matter! Y/N went out with some guy last night and even let him drive her home. I don’t even know if she’s okay or not since she wouldn’t pick up for the past hour. And I just can’t let those two idiots at home alone, completely unaware of their surroundings.” Changbin shoots him a weird look and he quickly brushes it off with a click of his tongue. “Don’t ask.” 

Changbin chokes on the can of Coke that he just grabbed from the fridge. “Wait, so she’s not here?”

“She moved in with Yeji months ago in an apartment near college, didn’t she tell you ?”

“No?” He raises a brow. “And what date? Who? How? Where? When?” 

Changbin’s starting to panic a little bit because if you were to be on a date, you’d most likely hide in the restroom just to text him for a good five minutes. Very much like him. Anyway, he’s also quite concerned about the fact that you didn’t reply to Minho’s texts all morning. Maybe he’s overthinking again but he knows that you’ve forced yourself to be a morning person even when it’s the holiday since you don’t wanna dread bringing back your old habits when a new semester hits. 

Minho drums his fingers against the dining table. “Who? Some boy called Jaemin? How? Tinder. Where? The Hilton Hotel. When? Last night until almost 10 I believe.”

Now Changbin’s fully entered panic mode because since when did you even use Tinder? And not tell him about it too? What if you’re already kidnapped and sold to some creepy people from China to make profits off your organs? “That’s it. Give me her address, I’ll go.” He drops his backpack onto the floor and grabs his coat, downing the last few drops of his beverage in a rush. As soon as Minho texts him your address, Changbin dashes straight through the front door like a tornado to the point that it has Woojin facepalming himself on Minho’s dad’s old carpet. 

“My job here is done.” Minho cracks his knuckle and takes a seat at his family’s dining table, picking up his phone only to receive a text from you. 

[8:23 a.m.]

y/n | ugh, is your friend gonna come over to pick up the speaker or what? it’s been fifteen minutes.

y/n | and what’s his name again? Jackson?

meanhoe | yeah, he’ll be there in ten.

meanhoe | eat a chill pill sis, I’m in charge.

five.

You frown furiously at the series of messages that you and your brother have been sending each other for the past ten minutes. Something smells fishy, and you can already see that stupid, self-indulging smirk spread across his face without him being right next to you. But then again, no one really knows what’s going on inside that disturbing glimpse of thing called ‘a brain’ inside his head because magically, and spontaneously, everything works out whenever he’s in charge. 

Except when he’s in the kitchen with Jisung and Hyunjin as his cannot-be-anymore-useless vice-cooks, aka when they’re holding onto each other for dear life the moment Minho cracks an egg onto a heated pan with oil boiling along the edges. 

“Ugh, Yeji! It’s supposed to be your turn to do laundry, you ass.” You repeatedly hit your roommate’s sleeping figure with a pillow, slightly mad at the fact that she’s still in bed when you’re done with grocery shopping. Sometimes you wonder if her only talent is sleeping through earthquakes. Maybe that’s how she has mad stamina and can still do a decent thirty minutes of cardio after dance practice. 

Yeji mumbles nonsense into her pillow and slaps your hand away only to bury herself under the wool blanket again. It takes every strand of energy left inside of you to pull the soft fabric over her head and onto the floor it goes. “Why are you making such a fuss out of me forgetting to do laundry ?” She sits up grudgingly like a zombie digging itself up from its own grave and yawns obnoxiously. 

You blink numerous times at her in disbelief. “Uhm, hello? Because I don’t have anything to wear? And also, FYI, it’s almost ten, okay? Wake up Sleeping Beauty. Prince Charming isn’t available today.” 

“Shut the fuck up!” She whines loudly before dropping onto her backside in defeat. “You’ve never binge-watched any dramas before, you’d never get it.” Hey, it’s not your fault she chose to stay up until 3 a.m. for a stupid drama. You’re not gonna tolerate her complaints about migraines after having lunch, not this time. 

“Besides,” She glances at you before throwing an arm over her head dramatically. “You look good in that hoodie, where did you get it?” 

You grab various pieces of clothing dangling off of her bed and her beige-colored computer chair as you ponder about your life choices. “Na Jaemin, who else? God, and I need to give it back to him too.” 

Yeji teases. “Are you making an excuse to meet him again?”

“We didn’t click, that’s all I have to say.” A smirk finds its way to your lips. “I basically adopted him now, so yes, I am making an excuse to meet him again because a mother has every right to see their son.” 

“You’re so weird.” Your roommate purses her lips before turning her back against you. 

You scroll through your feed in pure boredom. “What do you want for lunch? Wait, it’s too early for lunch, what about brunch?”

“Anything will do.” Yeji shrugs, not even trying to get out of bed when it’s already 9 a.m. So naturally, you’re already facepalming yourself at her questionable sleeping habits. 

Now, where is that guy Jackson?

As if on cue, your doorbell rings. You’re dead meat to me. You roll up your sleeves and put on your ‘formally serious’ face before grabbing the tote bag right beside your couch. Without even checking who’s there through the peephole, you swing the door open in a rush. “Look, Jackson, I’m really not in the mood to invite you inside for tea nor biscuits so just take the speaker and—“

“Y/N, I don’t need a speaker, stop bombarding me with information that my brain can’t even comprehend. And who the hell is Jackson?” Changbin puts his hands up as if you’re holding him at gunpoint. And you almost laugh out loud at how he looks like he just found out Trump is president, he— wait, Changbin’s here?

You subconsciously drop the speaker without noticing that you might break something before Jackson actually gets here. “You came back?!” Your mouth automatically goes agape, utterly speechless. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” He chuckles when you crash yourself into his embrace as an attempt to hide your teary eyes. Meeting Changbin in person again feels like a rollercoaster full of mixed emotions, you have so many things to say but nothing comes out right. Maybe it’s best if you just keep your mouth shut for the time being. 

And thank God he still smells the same and doesn’t shower himself in ridiculously expensive cologne like other guys because you’d disown him if he starts smelling like a Tommy Hilfiger store. Changbin gently wraps his arms around your waist, rocking you from side to side. “You missed me that much huh?” Suddenly tongue-tied, he’s officially lost the ability to form a proper sentence when you hold onto him so tightly, so desperately. 

When you pull away, you don’t even know what to say when so many things are running through your mind at the speed of light. After all those years, he’s changed. Yes, people change. But Changbin changed, for the better. He looks impeccable even in a simple black t-shirt with a grey bomber jacket thrown over his figure. Wait, has he been hitting the gym? You swear, last time you saw him he was five times smaller. His jawline can now cut you too apparently. Years of friendship and you just found out your best friend is an actual health freak. 

“As if..” You sniffle into the crook of his neck, tears continuously streaming down on your cheeks. Eventually, you give in. “Fine, I did miss you.” 

Changbin laughs wholeheartedly, sending vibration throughout your entire body. “Missed you too, Beastie.”  And it’s there again, that fuzzy feeling tickling the pit of your stomach. It feels wrong, and your heart knows that too well. To the point that you’re afraid of your own feelings for him, that you’d hurt him, or he’d hurt you. You just can’t decide if confessing to him is worth the risk of destroying your friendship forever. But it’s most definitely not. Maybe it’s better this way. 

“Wait,” Changbin scrunches his nose and pulls away. “You smell like a guy.” Then something rings a bell inside of him. “Right, you went on a date with some cute boy without telling me? Explain yourself.” 

You scratch the nape of your neck sheepishly, slightly embarrassed. “Well… long story short, I got bored and downloaded Tinder. He was cute, but not compatible.” 

“There you are, what took you so long?” Yeji pops her head out of her bedroom, almost giving you a heart attack. 

You toss her a look. “What do you mean ‘what took you so long? Did you know? Again ?” And she nods apologetically. “Why the fuck do I feel so left out right now? Are you guys setting me up for something sketchy? Who’s in charge?” 

“Your brother, obviously.” 

You step aside so that Changbin can walk into your living room before shutting the front door closed. “Zip it, he’s adopted.” 

six.

Kim Woojin, as always, throws his annual ‘welcome back’ BBQ party whenever someone returns from a long trip for a fairly long time. Of course, he would never leave Changbin hanging. 

Which, also means you’re obligated to accept the fact that he just single-handedly dragged you out of your apartment with the most minimal of physical effort. So now you’re stuck inside his stupid kitchen, with your siblings (no not Minho, not that heathen), potatoes. You look so incredibly alike your brother might actually be whatever with the harsh truth that you can’t stop taunting him about how he’s adopted. 

Anyway, because you’ve always been terrified about the thought of accidentally having your sleeves caught on fire, Chan just shooed you back inside to work on the potato salad. And the worst part of making a potato salad? Peeling the skin. Seriously, you’d marry someone who invented an automatic potato peeler, that’d be godsend privilege. 

The saying goes : ‘When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade’. Likewise, but in your case, it’s : ‘When life makes you cook, get yourself a best friend who’s good at it instead’. Problem solved. Changbin might not be as great as *snorts* Minho, but he did manage to survive multiple months in Italy without spending too much money eating out when he’s very, absolutely, entirely financially capable of doing that for the rest of his life. He appreciates home-cooked food because of the process, the time, the effort, the love that every family member (or one family member) put into the dishes. And it may not be something that’s Gordon Ramsay-approved, but gathering around at the same table gives people the chance to catch up, to communicate, to care more. 

And what does that mean? Well, that means when Changbin, fortunately, makes it out of the war zone in Woojin’s backyard where Hyunjin is chasing Jisung with a dead spider between his metal tong, he finds out that he just, in fact, got himself into another disaster. Bits of potatoes’ skin is everywhere, scattered randomly from the kitchen aisle to the wooden cutting board. Bottles of mayonnaise and mustard are lying lifelessly across the dining table, saucing dripping from the opened caps. And jars of different spices look like they just got dumped into one big bucket, mixed together, and then carefully divided them evenly into each one again. Changbin is utterly alarmed right now and he can’t decide whether he should be helping you or just run away. But since it’s you, he can’t simply turn on his heels and leave because chances are, you’re gonna fucking stab him in his sleep. 

“Woah, who did you kill ?” He gasps, taking slow strides toward your figure standing at the kitchen aisle. 

You blow a few strands of loose hair out of your face, crying dramatically. “My sanity, it’s long gone.” You tell him as you try to stir the mixture of mayonnaise, paprika, apple cider vinegar, celery seeds, mustard, and sweet pickle relish in a stainless steel bowl with a wooden spoon, trying hard not to ruin Jaemin’s favorite hoodie. “And if you’re not planning on giving me a hand, then the exit is right that way. No one’s stopping you.” 

Changbin shakes his head at you in disapproval for a hot minute before pulling your hair free from the loose bun, accidentally dousing himself in the more than familiar scent of your shampoo. Fresh, and a bit pepperminty, he missed this so much it’s starting to get creepy. Basically his heart just swells, but he’s gonna choose to be in denial like usual. “Better get your hair out of your face first.” He says and effortlessly puts your messy, black mop of hair into a high ponytail. It’s not like he hasn’t done this before because Changbin tends to play with your hair a lot while you’re both on a Netflix marathon. But this time, you didn’t know what it was, but the moment the tips of his fingers brushed past your bare skin, they sent electricity down your spine and goosebumps rose on your skin. The fact that your little heart feels like it’s running on a treadmill for hours doesn’t make it easier to deny how much he can affect you without even trying.

“Why are you still wearing that hoodie ?” Changbin points out, confused. 

You answer monotonously, still mad at your roommate. “Because Yeji forgot to do laundry. So I have nothing to wear.” You hate her even more now because she’s probably gonna be out and about, going to questionable parties with Ryujin until dawn and asking for a cup of water when she gets back home on your bean bag chair. “I’m gonna have to return it to Jaemin soon.” 

Changin snickers. “Yeah, you better.” He finishes chopping up the hard-boiled eggs, celery, sweet onions, and fresh dill, dropping the ingredients into the dressing that you just made. 

“So,” You walk over to the dining table to grab the bowl of chopped potato. “How did your date go? Was she cute or did she look like a potential serial killer? Wait, serial killers can look cute.” You shiver at the thought of losing your best friend in some foreign country because someone can literally be kidnapped in a span of fifteen to twenty seconds. So you don’t see the point of being ashamed about always being paranoid. 

Changbin helps you pour the dressing over the potato before stirring the goodness together with a wooden spoon. “Ah, that,” He scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “She’s okay I guess. But you never know, talking over text is always easier.” 

You decide to let Changbin finish up the dish and grab some paper towels to wipe down the table and counter. “So you guys never met up ?”

He looks hesitant to tell you. “Technically, we were gonna see each other every day because of the internship but I guess no? Our schedules aren’t exactly compatible. Maybe I’ll just ask her out again when I fly back.” 

You stop cleaning up the mess on the kitchen aisle and turn your attention onto your best friend. He’s nibbling on his bottom lips, guilt is evident in his eyes. 

“What internship?” You ask. 

seven.

Seo Changbin used to have ( and still has ) a soft spot for you. And everyone knows that all too well. 

He wasn’t kidding when he said that you’re his favorite girl. He wasn’t kidding when he said that he’d take a bullet for you. But you kinda wish that he was because falling in love with your childhood best friend just sounds so wrong on so many levels altogether. Jaemin night be right, it is written in the stars for some people to fall in love with their best friend but that life is not for you. There’s just something about the idea of Changbin and you as lovers that twists an immediate knot in your stomach. Sometimes you wish he doesn’t have to be so affectionate towards you so that you can give up on the one thing that’s holding you back : false hope. 

He would always drag you out of bed in the middle of the night to watch the stars and talk with him even when you guys were practically inseparable. Your group of friends constantly tells you that Changbin could never keep his hands to himself when it comes to you but realistically, he’s just a secretly clingy person who loves cuddling. But those little moments where you guys were sharing the same bed, snuggling into each other’s presence like it’s the last sense of comfort in the entire world were the ones you cherish the most. They can make you smile stupidly to yourself all day. 

And Changbin never failed to surprise you too. He once made the whole fancy breakfast in bed with flowers that only happens in movies and you couldn’t stop talking about it. Even ‘till this day, you still can’t shut up about it. He only brushed it off and told you that he wanted to spoil you since it’s your birthday but you took it as something much more than just a birthday present. Because those little actions of his are what set your heart on fire and you feel like it could combust anytime if he keeps looking at you so tenderly all the time.

Changbin isn’t a man of many words because he truly believes that actions speak louder than words. At least for him, his actions are much more powerful than his words. But that doesn’t mean his words never had any kind of effect on you. Because they did, greatly. You still remember how you’d always wake him up in the middle of the night because your stupid brain cells decided to give you a mental breakdown after bottling feelings up for so long. But Changbin didn’t just scold you for keeping everything to yourself, he did something else much more magical and much more comforting than any advice you could ever have. 

He’s written plenty of songs for you before, and you can still vividly hear the familiar melodies every now and then whenever you’re in a really dark place. 

It felt like a tight hug when you were all alone and in distress. But what sucks is that it makes you miss him even more. Where in the world is he? What is he doing? Does he have a decent life? Moreover, is he happy? You were always worried sick about Changbin because he’s that type of guy who works his ass off for things that he’s passionate about but he’d be willing to do something else for others because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Hence, upon hearing about him turning down an internship just to fly back, you didn’t know what to say or think. 

You yell at Changbin. “Are you out of your mind?!” 

He huffs in disbelief. “I’m a fully grown man who has every right to make my own decisions so I chose to visit my friends instead of torturing myself inside a studio. Yeah, sue me!”

“Do you have any idea how many opportunities and chances that internship would bring? There’s no need for you to do that just because of us!”

Changbin points out snarkily. “Well, you were the one who decided to call me at 3 a.m. every single day, complaining about your insomnia and shit.”

You gasp scandalously. “Why are you even saying that? It’s like you don’t even know me! I’m trying to put your benefits before mine, why is it so hard to understand that? Are you trying to say that I’m the bad guy in this conversation?”

“Maybe you are,” He says through gritted teeth. “Likewise, I’m trying to put my friends first instead of locking myself up within four soundproof walls twenty-four hours a day, five days a week, until spring break is over. You are being fucking ridiculous!” 

You’re slightly taken aback when Changbin had the audacity to say such things. Why is he still so fucking stubborn? “I’m the one who’s being ridiculous? Me trying to not get my best friend's talent wasted, me trying to not have my best friend make the rest of his break go wack because all we do here is apparently get drunk, eat, sleep, and repeat. That, is being ridiculous ?” You let out a humorless laugh. “Well, if I need to keep on doing that in order to keep you on track with your dream, then I fucking will.”

He hisses at you. “What are you? My mom? I’m a fully grown adult for fuck’s sake!” 

“Yes, I am technically your mom since the day you threw up on my dress in kindergarten. I even wiped your puke off of your face, you ungrateful brat.” 

“Uhm guys, you might wanna tone it down..” Felix tries to cool off the situation since he doesn’t really enjoy eating dinner while two people are continuously throwing daggers at each other with their eyes. 

Another thing, no matter how whipped you are for Seo Changbin, there’s still this little demonic part in your heart that screams to strangle the light out of his eyes every single day. Even back then, you guys bickered like there’s no tomorrow without a care in the world. Fortunately, your problems were always quick to be resolved because you just could never bring yourself to hate him even when you wanted to. He’s just that contagious, never fails to put a smile on your face nonetheless. 

So naturally, it’s ten minutes into the BBQ party in Woojin’s backyard and you’re more than ready to fight him. Metaphorically, not literally because you’re too utterly soft for him anyway. 

“Shh, shh,” Minho easily shushes Felix up with his index finger over his lips. “Lix, keep it down, the Petty Olympics is just getting started.” 

Jeongin purses his lips. “You’re such a snake, did you know that?” He’s obnoxiously chewing on the slices of grilled steak that Chan just took off the iron rack. Like Felix, he wishes to enjoy dinner in peace but that has not happened for quite some time and he’s already sick of it. 

Minho rolls his eyes at the younger boy with nothing but disgust in his eyes. “Wow, what a truly shocking revelation, Jeongin. It’s for the irony, sarcasm is needed in order for my joke to work.” He sips on the glass of whiskey in front of him like how he simply sips on his coworkers’ complaints about their relationships every morning. “Now run along, grab your monthly paycheck and buy yourself a sense of humor.” 

Jisung snickers. “Wow, is he mean today—“ 

You cut Jisung off unintentionally, huffing with such determination. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

Changbin says casually. “It’s not like I want to.”

“I will break you.” You give him your best death glare.

He tips his imaginary hat with a smirk tugged on his lips. “If that’s what makes you happy, then I certainly cannot wait for it, Little Mistress.”

eight.

It’s the second time you’re hanging out with Jaemin and still, you can’t bring yourself to develop any non-platonic feelings for him. Do you really want to date him? Not really. Again, he’s not a bad guy. In fact, girls can just pass by you both walking by the Han River and they’re already eyeing him up and down like an expensive piece of steak. 

Maybe it’s something about trying to push Changbin out of your mind for once in your life. Or it can be something about the fact that he actually has some kind of romantic interest in his Tinder date. Or you’re just being ridiculous and totally overthinking the situation. 

It’s sad, but you’ll have to accept it sooner or later. You see Jaemin as nothing but a friend, and a little brother because he’s funny, respectful, and everything you can ask for in a guy. But, at the end of the day, he’s just not Changbin. 

And although you’re madly in love with your best friend, it seems like Jaemin gets you and manages to keep your mind off of him for the day so that you don’t end up crying alone in one of the bathroom stalls. You can’t be any more thankful. 

“You seriously didn’t have to watch ‘Dolittle’ twice just because of me,” Jaemin tells you as you both stand at the front door of the movies, hugging his bucket of popcorn closer to his stomach. 

You smile at him. “Robert Downey Jr. is worth watching any movie twice. That’s why I’m still not over the Endgame depression phase because I may or may not watch it one too many times.” 

He rolls his eyes at you and proceeds to throw his garbage away. “Crybaby.” Then, he wraps his arm around your shoulder and walks you towards the entrance. “I had fun tonight. Thanks, Y/N, it means a lot. Should I walk you home?”

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” You answer cheekily. 

Jaemin teases, “Because your boyfriend might show up and punch me in the face?” 

“Shut up! He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Woah, I didn’t even say who it was. You’re so whipped for him.”

You elbow him in the stomach, earning a low grunt from him as a response. “I shouldn’t have given you your hoodie back. I should have burnt it or something.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at you, holding onto the paper bag that you brought tightly. “No, keep it if you want to. You look good in it.” 

Before you can even clap-back at him with a witty retort, your phone vibrates inside your pocket. “Sorry, someone texted me.”

[ 9:23p.m. ]

meanhoe | Y/N WHERE ARE YOU?!

meanhoe | SOMEONE BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE!

meanhoe | I’m upstairs rn, but there were some sketchy sounds earlier. I think they’re in our kitchen.

meanhoe | Bin’s still in the living room!

meanhoe | COME HOME!!

Oh. My. God. 

nine.

“Changbin, pick up, pick up,” You murmur and keep pacing back and forth at your parents’ front porch, frantically fumbling with your phone in your hands. “Goddamnit just pick up!” You groan out of frustration when you can’t even open the door because it’s locked, and Changbin’s not doing a great job at responding to your calls either. Which can only mean one thing, he’s being held hostage inside along with your brother and the intruder’s probably confiscated their phones. 

You’d take a bullet for Changbin if that’s the last thing you could do for him. There are no words to fathom how important he is to you, so now instead of thinking of how to save his ass, you’re stupidly, foolishly thinking back to high school where he would always eat lunch with you whenever Minho’s too caught up with practice, where you both would lie under an ugly tree at the very back of your school’s enormous backyard, trying to do homework and dozing off five minutes after. Changbin’s been with you through thicks and thins, with all of your ups and downs. His lack of doubt for you was what helped you survive those horrendous years and you’ve decided that you’re not gonna let go of him, not in this life. 

Therefore, you’re about to do something dumb. That something is going to prevent your best friend from getting murdered. But the chances of getting your head blown into bits are undeniably high too. That wouldn’t matter now, would it? If the intruder dares to tick you off, he best believes that you’re gonna fucking take him down with you. 

Mustering all of the courage you have left, slowly, your fingers hover over the doorknob, the other on the wooden surface, ready to bang on it like a crazy person. You inhale sharply and close your eyes. 3..2..1..

The door suddenly swings open, causing you to stagger forward and your eyes widen in panic. “Y/N? What the hell?” Changbin catches you in time and frowns furiously at your soaked figure. Your hair and clothes are doused with rain, the tips of your fingers as cold as ice from staying outside for so long. You flutter your eyes open at his words, mouth grows agape when you find out that your current position can’t be any more awkward. 

Great, now what?

Wait, where’s the intruder? “Are you okay?!” You mindlessly throw yourself at him, holding onto him so tightly like he’s gonna disintegrate into thin air once you let him go. Blood is roaring inside your ears, your heart is picking up its pace as you have so many questions, so many things to say but.. he seems pretty okay? “Is Minho okay too? Where is he? Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Why was the door locked?” 

Changbin pulls away softly to prevent you from hearing his heart thumping vigorously inside of his rib cage, eyes as wide as a goldfish’s. “What? Minho’s downtown today to meet up with his old friend who’s studying abroad. Didn’t he tell you?” 

“No?” You knit your brows together and take a full ten seconds to process what just happened. Why do you feel like you just got played? 

He closes the door and walks you inside. “And why the hell do you look like a wet rat? Did you just walk home? Weren’t that Jaemin guy supposed to drive you instead?” You purposely ignore his questions and continue to piece the little amount of information that you have together. But once you throw a glance at your parents’ living room, you see a box of fresh, piping hot Hawaiian pizza with ‘Fast and Furious’ playing on the forty-eight inches TV. With that, everything makes sense. 

You ran home as fast as you possibly could, under the rain when it’s dark outside all alone and this is how your brother repays you? 

“Wow,” You utter, somewhat lightheaded. “I need to sit down.” You tell Changbin when he comes back with a white fluffy, towel. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, wordlessly bringing the towel to your head as an attempt to dry off your hair. You’re startled by his sudden affection, cheeks growing pink as you avoid eye contact. 

Changbin caresses your cheekbone gently as if you’re far too fragile for him to touch and you just play dumb by batting your eyelashes repeatedly to shake the droplets of rain away. He quickly snaps out of it, taken aback by his own action. “Would you care to tell me what happened before I put you on trial?” He says with his arms crossed.

Your blood slowly boils as you choke on your own exasperation.“Minho told me that someone broke into our house and basically held you hostage. So I rain-checked on Jaemin, ran home only to find you in one piece with a pizza while watching ‘Fast & Furious’.” You hide your face behind your palms in sheer embarrassment as Changbin cackles his ass off in his annoyingly adorable laughter that makes you crack up every time. 

He throws his head back and continues to laugh wholeheartedly, holding onto his stomach for dear life. “He got you good, wow. So much for supporting his sister’s second date. I’m sure he just wants to make sure that you’re home before twelve.” 

“HE COULD HAVE JUST PICKED ME UP HIMSELF! HELLO?” You throw your hands in the air, huffing. You swear to God, Minho’s dead meat to you tomorrow morning. Your brother knows your feelings for Changbin all too well and he’s just doing everything he can to kick Jaemin out of your love life but the irony here is Jaemin was never there in the first place. But, Minho’s an evil mad genius so he still succeeded in pushing you back to Changbin when you’re trying to avoid him the most. Props to him, you’re now stuck inside a house with your best friend because your parents are currently going on vacation in Bora Bora. 

That wouldn’t be a problem unless you’re madly in love with him. But you are, and it sucks. 

You exclaim, smacking Changbin’s arm, causing him to whine loudly. “Would you stop laughing? I was scared that you’re gonna get murdered!” 

In a split second, he pulls you flushed against him, rocking you back and forth as he ruffles your hair. When the vibration of his chuckle emits from his chest just makes your heart skip a beat. Changbin’s never been the cheesy, romantic type like Hyunjin but sometimes he does these things that just messes up your heart more as if it’s not already all over the place. 

“Come on, Beastie, go change your clothes. I wouldn’t wanna cuddle with a sick person.” 

ten.

One shower and five minutes later, you’re on the sofa right beside Changbin with your head rested comfortably on his shoulder. The first episode of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ is blaring clamorously on your dad’s TV as your eyelids grow heavy, hanging on the edge of shutting before your favorite character even pops up. 

Changbin notices your sleepiness and pulls the wool blanket closer to your body, high enough to cover the rest of your shoulders as you snuggle into the crook of his neck. He pouts at the box of pizza and two empty bottles of Henny before playing with your hair, braiding a small section of it in boredom. He’s definitely not the type to rewatch any shows but since you’re just so pumped for the second season, you insisted that you two should binge-watch season one all over again. Obviously, he doesn’t see the point because he already knows everything, how does rewatching it has anything to do with getting him ready for the next season? Besides, you’re already falling asleep when it’s only ten minutes into the episode. 

But is Changbin gonna let you sleep in peace just like that after all those years of you waking him up at an ungodly hour? Nope. 

“Hey,” He nudges you with his elbow. “They said there wouldn’t be a second season.” 

You jolt up from your sleepy state, eyes shooting open in utter surprise and disappointment. “Wait what?! Why not?!” You cry out dramatically, hands batting in midair like a madwoman as if they’re looking for something to hold onto. Soon enough, you plop yourself back onto the couch in defeat, letting the alcohol take over your entire body. You can already feel it kicking in as your limbs grow lighter and so does your mind. Gosh, you just wish you weren’t so lightweight. 

Changbin chuckles at you, caressing your hair softly. He pulls you closer to him by your shoulder and takes in your scent like it’s the last sense of comfort on Earth. “You’re so cute when you’re drunk, did you know that?” He studies your features closely, quickly realizing how much he must matter to you for you to show this vulnerable side to him so casually. Giddiness is an understatement for the way that his heart just beats ten times faster, the way his arms hold you close so gently but so tightly at the same time. In this cracked darkness with the insufficient source of light from the TV screen, you’re so beautiful it takes the breath right out of his lungs. You seem too serene to be true, eyes closed, lips slightly agape it makes him wonder how it feels to seal his with yours. 

As if on cue, your favorite character appears on time and you swat the sleepiness away, pointing at the screen with half-open eyes. “Five! He’s so cute, can I adopt him, please?” You giggle and show him those infamous puppy eyes. Changbin can never resist it’s actually frustrating. 

“Yes, you can adopt a serial killer who knows how to travel through time, absolutely.” Changbin facepalms himself. “Honestly, what do you even see in him?” 

“He’s smart and funny, and a total badass. I like how he never sugarcoats things and stays true to himself. But, he also puts others before himself without expecting them to do the same thing back. His actions speak louder than his words because there are countless times where he saved his siblings although he talks to them as if he sees them as nothing more than a bunch of assholes. I admire him in so many ways although he’s just a fictional character. And you know why?” You cock your head sideways, leaning closer. “Because he kinda reminds me of you.” 

Changbin tenses up at the last part. “W-What?” 

The ‘sober Y/N’ would never be brave enough to tell him what you’re planning on saying next. “I love you, Bin. I know that I might not act like I give a fuck, but I genuinely care about you. You mean the world to me.” You blurt mindlessly, hiccuping into his ears. “I really do love you. I just never got the courage to say it.” You hum and toppling over his figure on top of the couch, your legs straddling his. 

“We can’t.” Changbin places his index finger on your lips to stop you from decreasing the distance. “You’re not thinking straight right now.” 

You pull back, frowning. “Why? Because I’m not sober? What do my feelings for you have anything to do with alcohol?” You’re not mad, but rather curious. Either way, you can’t seem to get mad at Changbin for more than ten seconds. 

“I- I don’t wanna hurt you.” He stutters and stops as he sees the heartbroken look in your eyes. It hurts even more because deep down, the sober part in you knows that you’d never fathom enough courage to actually tell him how you feel. And you also know that you’ve just potentially fucked up more than ten years worth of friendship. Changbin’s warm brown eyes stare at you with nothing but pure sincerity. “It’s like I’m taking advantage of you in this kind of state. It’s not right. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” He brushes your hair out of your face and sighs. 

“Bin, you respect me like no one else does. You know it. I know it. We know it. You’re my best friend.” 

“That’s the problem.” He pulls you closer while rubbing little circles on your back. “Promise me that we’ll never change, yeah?” 

You wrap your hands around his neck, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of your eye. “Yeah..promise.” 

“Y/N, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He reassures you as a confirmation, standing up from the couch that he’s been occupying for too long. You keep your gaze low, unable to meet his eyes as you’re ashamed of your own action. You shouldn’t have done that. What were you thinking for fuck’s sake?

Changbin turns off the TV before guiding you towards the stairs in the dark, holding onto your waist tightly enough so that you won’t slip. “Don’t blame yourself on this, okay?”

You voice quietly, almost a whisper. “Okay.” 

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

eleven.

That night, you held onto Changbin like he’s the last thing you’re ever gonna see although you knew too well that it’s meaningless. What’s the point anyways? He just slapped your confession away and that alone was enough for you to understand that he sees you as nothing more than a friend. However, it’s still better than being stuck in that weird gray area that just keeps messing with your mind. You wouldn’t want to get in his way either. So when Changbin tried to peel your hands away from his torso gently in the middle of the night, your eyes remained closed as you rolled on the other side of the bed. 

When you woke up in the morning, he was already gone. 

It’s like he’s never been there all of those years as if he’s just an illusion that your delusional self made up to comfort yourself when things get hard. All of his belongings were nowhere to be found, his bed in the guest room was neatly made, something that he’s never done before. Changbin left no traces, no notes, no messages, no nothing like it’s a natural implement for ‘Don’t bother looking for me, I’m not gonna come back’. But to you, it feels more like ‘You fucked up our friendship, Y/N. I will never speak to you again’. 

Losing a best friend of a lifetime is way worse than going through a breakup. But it hurts more when you’ve unintentionally developed feelings for him when you know too well that it’s not right. It’s not right. And you seriously screwed up. You just hurt the one and only person that’s so incredibly close and special to your heart. Therefore, you’re distraught, unable to do anything right for some of the following days. Utterly destroyed, you can’t seem to stop blaming yourself for what happened. 

Changbin’s done so much for you and you can’t be any more grateful to have him in your life. There was this time where you totally lashed out on him because you were just having a ‘bad day’. He didn’t even get mad at you, he never gets mad at you. Instead, Changbin let you lock yourself up in your room for an hour until he came back with a box of chocolate and flowers. Everything fell right back into its place again and you really don’t know what you did to deserve him. He always goes out of his way, prioritizing others’ benefits rather than his own. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone at all because, in your heart, you know that he can be hurt easily too. 

So it’s no shocker that you’re madly in love with him. You like how he smiles and looks at you like you’re the only person that’s existing in this celestial sphere. You like the sound of his laughter because it reminds you of Spongebob sometimes, it’s ridiculously adorable in the best way possible. You also like how he clings onto you and lets you be the big spoon whenever he’s having a long day, you can’t stop smiling knowing that he finds comfort in your presence. 

The only flaw about him is that he’s all about that healthy life, which is good for him but you’re not adapting that any time soon. And he doesn’t talk about himself enough as he’s always used to listening to others’ problems instead. He’s flawsome, but you’re willing to embrace it all. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, you love all of him. 

Just because he’s Seo Changbin. 

You stay up for many days, thinking an awful amount and flashbacking to when you’re on top of him, staring at him so tenderly as those idiotic words slipped out of your lips. All of because of one single beer. You just wish you could take it all back. If so, maybe you wouldn’t have lost the person you care about the most. 

“No, she won’t eat no matter what I say.” You can hear Yeji’s voice echoes from the living room as you throw an arm over your eyes. “I don’t think you should see her right now, not when she’s on the verge of breaking down every two seconds.” You don’t even have to look to know that your brother’s outside, probably worried sick about you. Minho might not be the type of person to show affections on a regular basis, but he genuinely cares about the people around him. He just doesn’t know how to express that he cares. 

The front door closes with a small ‘click’, making you jolt up from your bed. Your roommate pushes the door to your bedroom open and runs a hand through her hair. She practically grimaces at the current state of your room : curtains closed, clothes scattered all over the place with you still in your PJs. It’s funny because normally, you’re the one who complains whenever she’s being messy, now Yeji has the perfect reason to pay back. “Jesus Christ,” She frowns when her hands open the beige-colored curtains. “Get yourself together, will you?”

“Leave-me-alone.” You hiss at her like a snake when the light comes flooding in, blinding your eyes in the process. “What do you want? Am I not depressed enough to be at peace?”

She shakes her head and sits down next to your reclined form on the bed, a hand finds its way to your back. “No, you’re just in denial.” Yeji pulls your figure closer, embracing you with as much sincerity that she can muster. She might as well have you scream at her for forgetting to do laundry and waking up late rather than seeing you barely alive like this. If this goes on for too long, you might end up in the ER. And she can care less about whatever you’re planning on doing next because clearly, you’re not emotionally stable enough to make your own decisions right now. 

You look down. “About what?”

“About the fact that Seo Changbin likes you too.” She says softly. “Only a dumbass can’t see that he’s completely head over heels for you.”

You chuckle dryly. “He’s not, he probably hates me.”

“He never hated you, he never hates you, and he will never hate you.” Yeji sighs as you snuggle closer to her chest. “Why would you think that Changbin hates you?” 

Your eyes widen in terror as the night before when he left replays in your head over and over again. The more you think about it, the more you wanna kick yourself for not controlling our own feelings. Three words and your best friend’s gone. He was right, you guys could never, you weren’t thinking straight. Even down to that moment, Changbin put you before him and treated you with nothing but respect. “Because I ruined our friendship. Things are never gonna be the same again. I shouldn’t have fallen for him, I’m so stupid.” You let out an audible groan and bury your face into your palms. 

Yeji peels your hands away and forces you to look at her. “I don’t see why falling for Seo Changbin is considered stupid. You see things in him that no one else does, and you even had the courage to confess how you truly feel, even when it’s because of a bottle of Henny. Not everyone can accept that because people are cowards when it comes to commitment and their own feelings.” She keeps looking you dead in the eye as if she’s testing you. “Look, even if Changbin doesn’t feel the same way. He can never hate you.”

“And why should I believe you?” 

Your roommate laughs in disbelief, shaking your shoulder forcefully. “Are you blind? Do you even hear yourself right now? Haven’t you seen the way that he looks at you, eyes sparkling like puppies and all? If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. Even if it’s not the love that you wanted him to return, he still loves you as a friend. He just ran away because, well, he’s human too. He might need some time to himself and make up his mind.” 

You stare into the distance this time, eyes empty. “True love doesn’t count if it’s not returned, don’t you agree?” 

Yeji rolls her eyes at you, she looks like she’s about to personally drag your ass across the planet, straight to Italy just to make up with Changbin. “Oh-my-god, you’re impossible! Of course, it counts! So what, you’re telling me that your feelings for him after all these years would mean nothing if he doesn’t say those three words back? I know that you’re sad and angry about what happened, but I think it’s much better than bottling everything up all to yourself. You were brave for doing that, Y/N.”

Your lips stay sealed as you decide to listen to her lecture obediently like a child. “Do you think Changbin would want to see you like this? No, no one wants to see you all depressed and miserable. Do you have any idea how worried Minho is? Have you checked the notifications on your phone? It’s not like you can’t move on with life without Changbin, you can and you will if that’s what you have to do.” 

“So..?” 

“Are you gonna step up and get your life back again or what?”

You groan internally, because gosh, you hate it whenever she’s right. 

twelve.

From then on, Changbin’s like a phantom in your life, not because he’s constantly popping out of nowhere to scare the living daylight out of you, but because he’s constantly on your mind. Everything feels a little bit emptier without him. You don’t have to worry about having cilantro in your daily meals because he’s not there to complain about it. And there’s no longer a random cup of chai tea in the fridge on Sunday mornings because he can’t buy you one anymore. 

But at the same time, everything reminds you of him. Like how his pairs of designer shoes aren’t laying around at your front door, how his favorite hoodies aren’t being forgotten at your place intentionally, and how the Stitch stuffed animal he gave you last year still reeks off his significant scent. Everything gives you a hard time to finally let him go, but ultimately, you know that you’ll pull through. And you did. 

You move on with a college degree waiting for you at the end of this dark, bumpy road. Changbin, on the other hand, you can’t say much because his SoundCloud account is currently empty. He deleted every single song, every mixtape, every demo possible as if he’s trying to wipe his existence out of your life completely. Which makes it more difficult for you to muster up some courage and reach out to him again. 

It’s almost a year, and you wish he could have just given you a sign about whether he’s fine with being friends or not. But as always, leaving notes is definitely not his department. The thing is, you feel like you both didn’t just grow apart. You also grew up. 

“Y/N, did you ask me to go to the movies just because you didn’t feel like studying for finals?” Jaemin nudges you with his elbow and you smack his arms in return. Okay, technically you did grow up but old habits die hard, and you’re still procrastinating. Nothing new, but the occasional non-dates with Jaemin somehow helped with the aching part in your heart. You can’t say that he’s your new best friend because gosh, no one could ever replace Changbin. But ever since you found out that you guys go to the same college, you kept running into him on campus. Hence, hanging out with him is practically unavoidable. 

You laugh, letting him swing an arm around your shoulders. “Nope, it’s because I love hanging out with you.”

“Does that naturally imply as you love me?” He grins coyly before approaching your car at the very end of the parking lot. You’ve talked about this before. ‘Love’ is an overstatement for the love that you have for Jaemin. Of course, you love him, just not in a romantic way and he accepts that. Although he does sometimes pull you in as a stunt just to get a discount for buying a couples’ combo. You let him, only because you’re both broke college students who are dreading your own student’s loans. 

“Sure, I just love you so much I can’t even bring myself to say it without doing this.” You slowly feed his ego and your right hand quickly grabs the right side of his ears, dragging him into the driver’s seat of your car. Jaemin stops wincing once you let him go, pouting when you enter through the back door. “Serves you right.” You scoff, throwing him the key to start the engine. 

He rubs his now swollen, red ear in pain, whining out loud like a kid that’s not allowed to buy popcorn when their parents bring them to the movie theatre. “This is domestic violence, I’m suing.” He complains but still hits the gas and starts backing out of the overpacked parking lot. People go wild during the weekends. That’s why you’re letting him drive because you suck. 

You smile satisfactorily. “Ah, enslaved child labor at its finest.” If looks could kill, Minho would probably find your corpse in the car, limbs spread wide open because Jaemin is occasionally tossing you dirty looks through the rear-view mirror as he finds a way to hide a body while driving towards your neighborhood. 

When you get home, you politely offer Jaemin to stay for dinner but he said he’s got a date to catch up with so you just let him be. Yeji isn’t gonna be home until nine because of her shift at the café so you basically have the whole apartment to yourself until your roommate returns from work. 

Exhausted from spending all day on campus and going to the movies after, you quickly get rid of your long coat and plop yourself onto the couch. You waste absolutely no time and automatically hang yourself upside down on the cushioned surface while scrolling through your feed in boredom. You like to change up your position every ten minutes so that you feel less like a potato while your blood circulation isn’t gonna get blocked anywhere. 

The moment you’re about to accept a video call from Jisung, you’re interrupted with a rather strange notification. You decide to text him, saying that you’re busy with a presentation and open the email from an unknown email. The email doesn’t have any specific title and you don’t think it belongs to any of your classmates. However, there’s a file attached to it which makes you even more confused. Who’d send a random video to someone they don’t even know? What if this is some kind of trick that people use for human trafficking? Like once you tap on it, there’s an automatic tracker on your phone and soon enough, you’ll go missing. 

“for_you.mp4”

It makes your heart skip a beat as realization hits you like a truck. Deep down, you know, you know who it belongs to and you’re even more terrified to watch it. But you have to, you have to watch it. With a sharp inhale, your index finger trembles until it comes in contact with your screen, opening the file. 

“Is this thing on?” 

You immediately burst into tears as soon as Changbin appears. You’re stupidly, foolishly crying as he awkwardly adjusts the camera angle, checking himself in the monitor and runs a hand through his hair. Changbin’s wearing that one fitted black t-shirt that he probably bought in big bulks, warm brown eyes peeking through his messy bangs. He’s never looked better to the point that you’re tongue-tied, unable to scream even when you have so many questions, so many things to say. Yet only tears come streaming down your face. You missed him dearly, and here he is finally. 

“Y/N?” Changbin quirks a brow and smiles. God, you missed his smile too. “If you’re watching this video, don’t..post it on social media. It’s gonna be a real tearjerker.” 

You chuckle, wiping your tears away with the sleeves of your hoodie. He didn’t change, at all. “I don’t know if you can still forgive me for what I’ve done, but I still owe you an apology. I’m sorry for running away. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I’m sorry for not treating you right. It’s just when you said that you loved me, it sparked so much skepticism inside my head that even I couldn’t understand what I was thinking. Next thing I know, I was out the door, straight to the airport. I was an asshole and I know that. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself right now because you did nothing wrong. In fact, there’s something that I’ve been wanting to tell you too. I can’t seem to be complete without you. You’re it. You’re my endgame.” 

When Changbin takes in a deep breath, so do you. You nervously scratch onto the black nail polish that’s starting to chip off on your pinkie, waiting for him as he fiddles with his fingers. Suddenly, he looks straight into the camera and laughs. “Why are you still here? You didn’t see the notification, did you?”

What notification?

Your trains of thoughts are once again canceled when your phone buzzes. You’ve just got a notification from an app that you barely touched since Changbin left. “SpearB just posted a new track. Check it out!”

“Neverending Story ( Demo ).” 

Faster than a tick of the clock, you start playing the track, fingers drumming impatiently on one of your throw pillows. “Be mine, yeah?” His raspy voice sounds ten thousand times more attractive because it’s been a while since you’ve heard it and chills run up your spine. Adrenaline is pumping through your veins, your heart hanging on the verge of exploding. The soft instrumental blends in with the piano in the background perfectly, drowning out every other sound in the entire world. But what throws you off is that Changbin starts singing. It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sing and it’s truly breathtaking that you can do nothing more than sitting there with a hand over your mouth, letting the melody guide your mind. 

“Whenever you smile, whenever you struggle

I'll always protect you

For you,

I can even go against time

Just to appear in front of you

I believe, I believe

Even if the world changes

Can you promise that we won't?”

The first verse bleeds into the pre-chorus, then the chorus itself and Changbin starts rapping, spilling the feelings that he’s been struggling with saying out for you. Every word, every sound, every note hits differently and you feel like you’re already on cloud nine, drifting off into a daze. You can fully acknowledge and feel the ignited passion that he has for you even when he’s more than five thousand miles away, on the other side of the planet. But that’s all you need honestly because what more can you ask for? 

As if on cue, the song ends and there’s a knock at your door. 

Heat rushes up the bridge of your nose as you wobble towards the front door, head still slightly lightheaded from the mixture of emotions. You quickly fix your hair, straightening your hoodie and your toes curl from the nervousness. The moment you twist the doorknob, Changbin backs you up against the wall, shutting the door with his feet. He stares you down intensely, making you feel extremely small in comparison. But those eyes of his are filled with nothing but adoration for you and only you. “I’m in love with you, the same way that you meant it back then. I’ve been in love with you for even God doesn’t know how long. I booked a plane ticket and wrote the song as soon as that thought clicked in me. You’re all that I need. I want you to be my one and only. And I still want you back, so what do you say?” 

Your lips curl upwards softly into a smile. “You’re really outdoing yourself, aren’t you? I confessed to you when I was drunk and not only did you film a video, but you also wrote a song for me?”

“Only for you, Beastie.” Changbin chuckles and pulls you closer, sealing the gap between your lips. He’s done it, he did what he’s been wanting to for his entire life : to know what being in love actually feels like. His kiss isn’t even somewhere near as those movie stars’ that you both used to make fun of every weekend. It’s one that steeped into a passion that flickers at the very pit of your stomach, one that makes you feel like home, like he’s your safe place. Changbin’s said everything that he wanted but he kisses you as a silent promise that he will do stupid things just to be with you, to have you right by his side for the rest of his life. 

He’s the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours as you both exchange shallow breaths. Smiling at you, Changbin can’t help himself but peppers small kisses all over your face from your forehead to the tip of your nose. 

Life likes to toss you around and fuck you up sometimes but somehow, magically it always puts everything back in its place. The amount of tears that you’ve shed feels like payment for what you’re holding in your arms right now but there’s nothing that you won’t do to be here, in his embrace. Technically, Changbin didn’t have to say those three words back and he only did because he could, not because he needed to. 

Even if he’s five thousand miles away, no one else is closer to your heart than he is. He loves you with all of the madness in his soul.

[ranmanjuu]

Can i request an ikesen hc, how would warlords react to a mc which is a physics major like sasuke and since they are both nerdy they spend a lot of time together and talk a lot about theories and all that science stuff. I think they'll get a bit jealous that mc is spending time with sasuke and confused as to ehat they're talking about lol

as stated before i have absolutely no idea of how physics is, much less of being a physics major. so like,,,,,,, all theories are ambiguous. they don’t exist other than that word. what are they talking about? the one who asked knows not more than the asker.

—shingen:

the first time of him seeing you talk with both such seriousness yet a twinkle lights in your eye, he can’t help but a chuckle let through.

“so, has sasuke finally found someone for himself?”

at first he plays up a bit of, “us mortals cannot understand what you’re speaking, my beloved deity, for you speak the language of the gods!” (”but sasuke can understand them though—”)

would absolutely, and constantly tease you for anything and everything. you could be talking about the inner workings of geophysics with sasuke and you’d hear the faint sound of wiggling eyebrows and metaphorical saxophone playing.

but of course, this won’t stop shingen from trying to win you over.

he does it his own style, the classical flirting with his sexy stature. yet, you always quip back in the jargon language he knows nothing about—and his several seconds of confoundment proves to be a good strategy as you flee the scene.

prior to you telling him that you were from the future, he did find it suspicious how you have so, so many “things that came from your hometown” that was painfully specific. and he’s shingen takeda, he’s known for being well-informed, so why hadn’t he heard of this before? some villages have their own tradition, yes, but it’s usually not enough to write at least twenty dictionaries about.

and even if he wants to find it, where would he go? the only two people who’ve learnt it are you and sasuke.

although he begins to pick up basic things whenever you talk to either him or the ninja. just small references that a high schooler can pick up.

for the sake of it, shingen’d probably try to do a physics pick-up line on you. but due to the lack of knowledge he has, it ends up with you on the floor laughing until you’re clenching your sides.

you can’t help it! it’s so wrong on so many levels it’s insanely hilarious while also painful.

after the laughter dies down, shingen takes it upon himself and pins you to the wall, his sultry eyes burning into yours, “well, it seems my goddess can do a bit of fixing on those, hm? please, my muse, do demonstrate how you do it properly.”

—kenshin:

(honorable mention hc: if you ever use terminology before the affectionate part of him comes in he’ll practically frown at you in deep confusion, “what are you talking about, you fool?”)

if his ninja had met you before he did, he probably wouldn’t have much of a problem. sasuke talks to someone, all he does is frown and just doesn’t care. but hoo boy you managed to slither into his heart without him even noticing it.

he’s just looking around the market for you, until he sees the sight of you chattering so brightly and passionately,,, with sasuke.

phase one: pouty mode. it lasts only for a few second, but his lips form a very strong scowl as it processes in his mind.

(phase one and a half: it’s where he glances at you and notice how you twinkle so brightly in his eyes—like a star beaming at him. except it isn’t at him. and so this honorary phase ends)

phase two: in a split second of his braincells barely managing together, he unsheathes his sword and begins to fish sasuke away from you. (”let’s duel, sasuke.”  /  “i’m afraid i was having a conversation with—”  /  “fight or i kill you this second.”)

phase three: usually it’s where you pull him away and lightly scold him, thus ending his bloodlust.

phase four: usually happens after the other party has left. pouty mode two: electric boogaloo; as he sulks like a child in envy and jealousy and you’re forced to cuddle with him and give him lots of kisses so he Functions properl after that.

of course, you can’t just let it repeat. you had a talk after some time, entailing that, kenshin, please stop chasing your vassals because they say one (1) word to me. with a lot of grumbling and reluctance, he agrees to it.

it won’t stop his lips forming into a scowl at the sight of it though.

he curses the oldened knowledge of the sengoku—he wanted you to talk to him about those big brained things. but alas, there wasn’t much he could do.

(”no, kenshin, you can’t go to the future just cause you wanna learn everything i learnt! the wormhole is gone and it takes at least 4 years—”)

—yukimura:

yukimura meets you the second time while talking to sasuke down in the market. and the decision to rebrand you from a wild boar to a witch casting spells were made in the flick of a second, just like that.

“hey, are you trying to hex my fried, enchantress?!”  /  “yukimura, they’re a friend from my hometown, it’s alright.”  /  “oh.”

as he says, a friend of sasuke is a friend of his! though he still doesn’t understand at all each time you make a physics reference, and still isn’t partly convinced you at least know an ancient language.

he doesn’t exactly buy into the whole ‘hometown-specific’ thing either, but hey. it’s sasuke and you, if you’re lying, he thinks, he’ll let you tell him in your own time.

but in the meantime, the fact you know terminology to references he doesn’t understand makes your daily bickering a lot funnier. what’s an atom and is his brain really smaller than that as you said? fun thing is he’ll probably never know if you and sasuke withhold such information.

if he ever sees you experimenting with something to examine the components, as long as it isn’t dangerous, he’d look at you in mild amusement and confusion, “what are you doing, silly?”

but if it dangerous (like guns, fireworks, etc.) he scolds you with a scowl, one born from pure worry.

once you two got together, you started going to dorky science puns. once again, yukimura doesn’t understand it, but the stupid grin you have on your face is just enough for him.

(he does ask sasuke about it later, resulting in a bright faced yuki, muttering a small “idiot,,” under his breath.)

—sasuke:

the moment you saw him at honno-ji, present day, you felt there was something familiar to him. like it’s a face you’ve passed through in the bustling streets. and the moment you saw his lab coat, you just assumed he somewhat came from the same college as you.

and just after he corrected you referring to him as “that college student” being an astrophysicist, your eyes brightened a thousand times, but tried to stifle it considering you were more or less being chased. 

you listened into his explanation of the wormhole closely, processing each word in fascination and curiosity. you had enough experience to know what he’s talking about—and it gave you so much euphoria from just simply listening in.

you hope to meet him again as he disappears in the shadows.

you do, to your delight. the very first day you went out to town, you encountered him at a stall. conversation immediately took off once you re-mentioned his degree, along with yours. from there, the wormhole was the center topic again, mostly talking about how he found where it would be and when it would be. you’d never heard of such a research back then.

and slowly, you grow an admiration to sasuke’s high intelligence. all the research he’s done, he’ll definitely show a fellow enthusiast, and you’re practically beaming at the chance.

so much so that you don’t notice the weirdened stares of the ones around you.

there nights when you’d sneak into his room just to ask him about something, or propose to him a theory since he’s the only person who’d get it.

and on some sleepless nights, you find yourself lying about with sasuke beneath the stars, peering into his telescope once in a while and geeking out about the small dots in the sky.

a part of you wished you met him sooner—but you feel like you couldn’t ever ask for more.

—yoshimoto:

truth be told, he didn’t care much at first.

his somewhat apathy towards people and more towards art becomes just ever so slightly apparent; as he lets you rant your heart out to sasuke while he admires some cloth in the background. you have your preferred friends, it isn’t his place to be opposed to it.

well, that’s what he thought of it—until you slowly got closer to him.

through talks of art and the different medias from your “hometown”, he learnt more and more about you. and his heart grew fonder and fonder.

until—for whatever reason—he found himself,,, feeling some kind of upset by the sight of you talking to sasuke so brightly like that? it’s like a part of him doesn’t sit well with it.

while he isn’t quite sure what he’s feeling, he’ll try to fish you away regardless. his good looks aren’t for nothing, even still having its charming effects on you.

putting up somewhat of an airheaded act, he mindlessly pulls you out of the conversation to look at some beautiful fabric, catching you off-guard for a moment. if you try to mention your talk with sasuke, it’s as if he doesn’t hear it as he whisks you off to another store. and another, another—until you’ve gotten some distance from the ninja.

even with all that effort, he doesn’t think much into the feeling inside his heart. what then felt like a storm, was now a welcoming, warm spring breeze in him.

he’ll figure it out, one day.

[flying-elliska]

Sorry if you've been asked this before but have you ever consider writing in french or dutch? Does it "flow" the same for you?

hey <3 Dutch is the one of my three languages that comes the least easy, and so I don’t feel comfortable enough to write in it (even though I hope to get there at some point). I have written in French before, I had a blog among other things, and I used to write my stories in French, too. It does have a very different flow, though. I’m not sure how to explain it. French is very...cerebral, and elegant. It’s more heavy with memories for me, too, and when I write in French I spend more time trying to get the sentence right. English is faster, more kinetic and perceptive. It feels easy to write in, especially when it comes to action scenes. I’m also a lot funnier in English, for some reason.

There is also this element where, to me, I did most of my coming to adulthood in English, most of my friends I communicate with in English now - French is associated with my family and my childhood friends, and so emotionally it is very tied to the past, strangely nostalgic and heavy, and I have had less practice in developing my own voice in French, strangely, even though I will get there at some point, it will necessitate some work to establish new cultural ties. But French is still my first language and my first love, and its music, deep down, is still in everything I write, no matter the language. Hedonism, and intensity, and the truculence of clashing sounds, a little bit of pretentiously long sentences, and an angsty heart full of passion ! Or something like that idk.

[bnrobertson1]

The Cleansing Comedy of “Cum Town”

To paraphrase a point Canadian All-American Hero Norm MacDonald laid on a then-alive Larry King, comedians used to aspire to be funny, now they aspire to appear smart. While political humor, ostensibly a stage to show off one’s intellect and humanity by the empathetic tackling of modern topics, has been a thing as long as humor itself, there was time in the not-so-distant past where the goal was the display of comedy chops, not compassion*. This significant shift in the mainstream started with Jon Stewart’s reign as host of The Daily Show. A far departure from the wackier Craig “Dance Dance Dance” Kilborn’s approach to the Comedy Central staple, Stewart treated TDS as a megaphone in which he could espouse his political views. Nightly challenging W’s hawkish take on foreign policy, liberals the country over championed their new clever-if-not-amusing hero- but at some point during Stewart’s ascension, reflecting a certain acceptable viewpoint became more important than reflecting a sense of humor.

*Back in the early SNL days Chevy Chase suggested that Gerald Ford sustained significant brain damage playing football to mock Ford’s bumbling persona, not excoriate him on the tenets of his agenda.   

Consider Last Week Tonight with John Oliver or the zeitgeist-shifting Nanette. The former features some of the best reporting on the planet, displaying a willingness to cover potential viewership-poison like prison reform or, on a recent episode, black hair and its connection to the systematic racism African Americans face daily. The show is relentless, passionate, and is about as funny as that sounds. John Oliver is clearly a witty person, but even he often acknowledges how “Erudite Brit Shames Americans over Racism” isn’t exactly the blueprint for a yuckle factory*. Much like his old boss Stewart, Oliver is more dedicated to espousing the correct viewpoint over a funny one. To this point, most “jokes” in the show feel jammed in like a satirical sausage, often coming across as after-thoughts that can mess with the tone**.  As a show it is unquestionably a success, opening myriad eyes to plights once unknown. As a comedy show, which is what it at least originally marketed itself as, it is a failure. 

*It is, however, pretty perfect Monday Morning hiding-in-cubicle watching 

**While he does try to infuse some zaniness into the program by talking about fucking animals or whatever, I don’t think Oliver realizes how genuinely funny it is watching a bookish Brit get upset about coconut oil hair products, although not in the way he probably hopes it would be.

An even purer example of Norm’s point is Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette. The buzzed-about stand-up special is essentially a takedown of white male-ism, albeit one that seems allergic to laughing. Gadsby is trying to woo you with her intellectualism, not her ability to make you chuckle. Some called this approach brilliant- turning a male-dominated form on its head to put its practitioners on blast for things ranging from sexism to transphobia. Widely decorated around the world for its innovative and sharp honesty, Nanette asked the big question: is the next wave of comedy not meant to be funny? Is cutting edge humor not humorous at all? Are we entering a Metal Machine Music era of comedy? And if so, is merely criticizing the perceived powers-that-be now considered comedy?

More like No-nette

This desire to display empathetic enlightenment has gone well beyond the world of stand-up and political comedy. It can be seen by the yanking of episodes of comic cornerstones such as It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and 30 Rock that feature blackface, or animated programs recasting characters so that voices are both more inclusive and representative. Even The Simpsons has all but abandoned its once trademark balance, its current form essentially the wet-blanket Lisa, a far, far cry from the Homer-centric past of the show’s glory years.   

All of these decisions have been made by the shows’ respective creators, a mea culpa for insensitive liberties taken in the recent past. Blame the internet for the long, indelible digital footprints, but people are now more worried about how the future will remember them, in some enlightened far-off utopia where comedy is really about nothing being funny, and everybody is judged by the language you used when no one really gave a rat’s ass about what you had to say.

Entertainers are far more concerned with looking good fifteen years from now than making people laugh now. Ironic detachment- the reason a lot of the questionable humor existed in the first place*, isn’t a big enough distance for comics to get away with racism, sexism, and other forms of bigotry, chuckles be damned.

*Racists have been the butt of the joke- and not the jokesters- for as long as I can remember. I find it hard to believe that anyone could watch an Always Sunny and think they’re mocking minorities. While the meme-ification of America has robbed many of these jokes of context, it’s a waste of time to criticize creators for devolving consumption habits, especially in the name of inclusion, compassion, etc.    

It’s not my place to say whether this is good or bad. As self-censorship isn’t really censorship, it’s hard to argue that an artist willfully pulling their work from the marketplace is some sort of injustice. It’s their reputation (read: livelihood) after all. There are things I would probably delete/hide if anybody gave enough of a shit to do a deep dive into my past babblings. But while I certainly applaud the idealistic efforts to make a more welcoming society for all, it does kind of suck that it comes at the expense of comic mana such as Lethal Weapon 5 (and 6).   

At the risk of kicking dusty horse bones, this does boil the whole “cancel culture” debate down to one consideration: what is acceptable to laugh at?

Insert the podcast “Cum Town.” Starring the trio of Nick Mullen (the bitter one), Stravos Hilias (the bigger one), and Adam Friedland (the butler?), “Cum Town” is the least political of the “Dirtbag Left”* wave of offerings*. If you can’t tell by the name, “Cum Town” isn’t for the crowd that regularly uses the word “problematic.” Employing a fairly new media in the podcast, the three NY-based comics shoot the shit on pretty much all matters, keeping the atmosphere loose and the unapologetic laughs flowing. 

*Which also includes the hugely popular “Chapo Trap House” and “Red Scare,” shows that are both fairly funny... and can often be accurately described as  “permanently congested neck-beards talking tough about revolution or whatever in between rhapsodizing about time-old yet currently posh talking points (distribution of wealth, liberalism vs. leftism, etc.)”.

As bad as the Olivers and the Gadsbys of the world want to change your mind, the trio at “Cum Town” are much more focused on tickling your funny bone (and/or prostate). Its setup gives the show an air of Howard-Stern-in-the-90s danger, where things that probably should never be thought are said with glee. They’re the type of guys who find the humor in places that make others uncomfortable, such as the connection of the Clintons to Jeffrey Epstein’s murder or, in one particularly great skit, how Trump would undoubtedly try to smear Robert De Niro as a non-Italian homosexual.

Devoid of the pretension other “enlightened” modern comedy wears so proudly, the show can focus on being being funny in ways that spur a gut laugh, not a guffaw.   

“Cum Town” works because its as self-aware as it is fearless. These aren’t Andrew Dice Clays winding up the Islanders stadium with bits about “the brothers.” They’re not just reliving old Stern bits, asking alcoholic little people and other societal pariahs to make fools of themselves. The show wouldn’t work if it was merely “saying racial slurs with the EdgeLord Crowd.” "Cum Town” operates like a savvy boxer- throwing shots, usually at modern idols, knowing that it leaves them open to counter punches.

The genius of this approach is that they know what the counter punches will be (being called “racist,” “sexist,” “fascist,” etc.)... and have a counter-punch for that!* It’s not like it takes Ali-esque anticipatory vision to know what the criticisms will be. While calling a (probably white, cis-gender, straight) male “racist!” or “sexist!” or “fascist!” surely feels empowering to the counter-puncher, the reality is a lot of those terms have absolutely lost their meaning or the damaging heft that used to accompany their utterance. With the mass acceptance of systematic sexism/ racism as prevalent in everyday life, all the (bad) -isms are supposedly so ingrained into the white male psyche that they’re bigots no matter what. Especially when you consider that laughing- actual laughing- is more of a neurological reaction than a considered response. Put another way: a skit depicting Tony Soprano as an Indian may not confuse anybody into thinking Stav is on a first-name basis with Noam Chomsky, but it is infinitely funnier than all the “Donald Drumpf”s shouted together combined. 

*Sorry, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out is about the extent of my boxing knowhow. 

The show operates in a world where performance compassion is a hell of a lot worse than genuine feeling. Where Donald Trump gets mocked- but less so than Hillary Clinton, who’s president campaign’s attempt to make her “cool” was, let’s say, ill-fitting. It gets mean and nasty because comedy does. So, did Adam Friedland get called out by Chelsea Clinton for calling her ugly*? Yep. And many came to Chelsea’s defense calling for Adam’s sexist, disgusting head, I’m sure in only pro-Semitic ways. Does Nick’s archaic (though quite good) impressions of various ethnicities  to a certain trope? Or does Stav talking about pornography and getting ass with a somewhat slimy tone? The three “Cum Town” hosts know that the list of the “powerless” has changed considerably in the last few decades, and that those who pay service to liberal ideals should be mocked just like the rest of us. 

The tweet in question.

Juvenile? Sure. Insensitive? Yes. But God Dammit, isn’t humor supposed to be that way? If there’s a killer joke where the punch-line is “bigotry is bad,” I’m not aware of it. “Cum Town” generates a type of laughter that feels liberating- like you’re shaking off the oppressive scowl of a world that blames you- person who has been around for about one one billionth of the world’s life- for all its ills. The more modern society weighs us with new considerations on language and decorum, conjured rules that dictate what you may have a reaction to and what you may not, the funnier the humor in its opposition flies. Breaking rules is inherently funny- thumbing your nose at society is at the core of comedy’s release. And the more it becomes taboo to say words like “tranny,” “fat,” “dumb,” “midget,” etc., the more comedic release will be given when we say the words that I’m not going to type right here. Because the further the joke is from the norm, the more space there is for laughter to form.

Some believe this humor can lead to hatred which can lead to violence. That the Capitol’s riots were a warped result of the Rogans of the world. That by hearing Dave Chappelle say the n-word, white people will start to adopt it, and chaos will surely follow. But there’s another school of thought that says being able to laugh at something is the genesis of being able to process something and eventual acceptance. 

I realize this is hardly a surprising point from a straight white guy, one who has said (regretfully and not recently) on more than one occasion that “I don’t get offended, I don’t understand why others do?” But I also think that a lot of the “hurt” these societal infractions cause are more of a smokescreen or diversion from bigger problems. It’d be easier to distract people with discussions over whether James Bond should be black or if Dr. Seuss books featuring offensive illustrations should be banned as opposed to, I don’t know, actually try to combat some of the systematic problems that propagate systems that truly stun growth?  Telling people they should feel guilty about something is a slippery slope as we have around 8 billion people on earth, there’s plenty of misery to go around. We should all probably feel bad about something.

In conclusion, “Cum Town” knows that just because something is bad doesn’t mean it can’t be funny. As mentioned before, humor is often how people cope with the hypocritical, values-starved planet we find ourselves on. Humor should delight our soul, not display our sophistication.   

[sparda3g]

Gintama Chapter 682 Review

In my last review, I talked about how Sorachi uses time-skip in a very effective way and why it stands out brilliantly. I thought the war would be enough satisfaction for me to endure before it ends. Never would I thought a time-skip that could have simply be an epilogue would have me so absorbed. This chapter is another case of why this direction is brilliant, pumping up the excitement for one definitive conclusion.

The beginning is plot heavy, but it gives you everything to consider, including the main problem. I will separate my thoughts on the characters and the main plot because the narration uses Takasugi and Katsura to explain the main agenda of Tengenism. As a whole, it does create a gripping tale that set you off with thrills and chills. Undoubtedly, it’s as final as it can get.

Let’s begin with the plot. The chapter does recap the last moment with Takasugi stabbing Oboro’s bones and himself to obtain one more chance, and yet it doesn’t feel like time has been wasted. It still feel powerful as before, only it connects deeply with the next phase in which I thought he was about to go on a killing spree. On the other hand, if that was the case, Tendoshu may not have lived. Sadly, he passed out, only to wake up when everything is done.

I am amazed with Sorachi manages to squeeze in the explanation of using Utsuro’s blood for semi-immortality. I was fine with the simple dose of blood equals immortal, but this is necessary for many reasons. One in which is to explain the reason why Oboro was slowly dying. He kept spilling blood. The more blood he spilled, the less time he has left to live. Once the body dried out, it’s over. In short, stop getting hurt or you will die eventually. As for the other and main reason, I will save it for later, because this is where it becomes plot heavy.

Takasugi recites how Liberation Army became delusional with the thought of resurrection and immortality, hence working together with Tendoshu. It amazes me how important are Enshou’s words about the people cannot be satisfied for what they may have accomplished. Its meaning holds significant value for the plot to move forward. In this case, these people weren’t satisfied with war ending if they lost their loved one. This is why time-skip is effective.

I like how Takasugi points out that it was all done by normal people, which wages on the thought of how anyone can do anything. They weren’t special or anyone from a hidden organization; they’re just normal people that would do anything with any mean necessary. They only become different when they join the religion or cult, Tengenism, but the point is how anyone can become anything in a matter of deep desire. That is actually scary.

While it did go in-depth, the info isn’t new. The main point however is the establishment of Tendoshu now back in control; this time, they’re no longer frail or decayed. It’s a clever rebound to make them credible because Utsuro is immortal, so he can fight for eternity and Tendoshu has used up their body for so long. It’s a convincing way to not undermine their prowess after being defeated. That’s why the intimidation aura didn’t fade away, so when they returned, I felt fear. Takasugi tried to kill them in places and he did in some, but the revival was complete.

Tendoshu convinced people that immortality can be achieved for everyone, especially how they managed to manipulate Utsuro’s blood to recover their body. The goal is to obtain it in its perfected form alas everyone will become like Utsuro. It’s a hell of a compelling plot that has serious background that makes a whole lot sense, including why Edo is still targeted after 2 years. Utsuro’s heart is needed for them to examine and get closer to achieve their goal, which is why Naraku is being used further, unknown to the actual agenda.

Now we go into the characters because this takes the cake. Takasugi has gone into my top 5 favorites and in Gintama, that is mighty difficult to achieve. He’s so good in this chapter and I don’t mean because of his six pack. I mean his personality and character’s development has been stellar. I thought I wouldn’t like him this much, but this chapter did it.

I don’t know if I should classify him as a tragic character, but I would prefer not because he has been so compelling and compassionate. Takasugi gambled to obtain a second chance, but time is running out. I was sadden of how he couldn’t accomplish the one thing to do 2 years ago and as his body slowly dying out, he at least has the chance to be sincere and do what he really wanted to do. It’s sad how he spent so much time on hating the world, but once he got his passion and care, his death clock is ticking rapidly. That’s the main reason why semi-immortal was explained. Gintoki’s reaction strikes me hard. They may have conflicting issues and indifference agenda, but they’re still friends at heart.

I love the last scene with Gintoki and Takasugi’s interaction so much. It’s when they discuss about what should they do with their beloved sensei when they meet him one more time. In a very rare moment, Takasugi shows his true feeling that deeply cares for Gintoki. He won’t stop him from saving Shouyou, but he wants him to know that he and sensei has suffered enough. Isn’t that the truth?

What got me emotional struck is Takasugi’s encouragement; thought I would never say that in a lifetime. Hell, it’s probably why Gintoki is awestruck by his words; I mean look at his reaction. Takasugi will work together to save sensei because after series of development, they can do it. He has become so sincere that it’s pretty touching; I almost want to cry. Development is a wonderful thing. So not only we have a subplot with Tengenism but we also have one on whether those two can save sensei or not. This arc or part is seriously amazing.

The problem arise when Takasugi announces their destination. It is Edo. I’m scared yet happy. Scared because that would mean another war at Edo, only this time is more concentrated on a personal level. The objective is to take the Altana, which is another reason why Edo is involved. It makes sense since it is technically part of Utsuro, which would evaluate their research further. Happy because Yorozuya reunion is happening earlier than expected and I cannot wait. This is one family that never disappoint.

Speaking of family, another one that hasn’t disappointed me is Shouyo’s disciples. With Takasugi becoming a gentleman, the family is filled with lovable characters. Katsura is not going to be left behind, even as a Prime Minister. That’s very reassuring. I’m not amazed on how much info he has learned in his position because when he gets serious, he gets the job done. Shijaku may channeled some fans’ reaction on his intellect, but for me, it’s Katsura being Katsura. Once again, I was struck by his wisdom for going so far to learn about Utsuro; reminding everyone that he kept his word about helping Gintoki. The reunion is going to be amazing.

That said I am worried about the way Takasugi and Katsura raise their death flags. While the former seems inevitable though fingers cross on miracle, the latter can prevent it. Still, it’s heartwarming of how Katsura prepare for his life to be on the line, goes as far as giving a farewell message to Shijaku. He even thought about how it would feel to be buried with Shoguns. I believe it’s his way of saying that he will achieve peace for Edo. You can say he’s carrying them on his back, metaphorically speaking, so this holds a lot of weight for him to do so.

I was relieved that the guys that are chasing those two are Sougo and others. After the heartfelt and depression tone, this was a great change-up for a good humor. I laughed at Shijaku’s reaction after building up the fear for their true enemy yet they ruined the momentum. What’s funnier is most of them are after him instead of their prime target, Katsura. Sougo just wants bodies hit the floor, so it’s all good. It’s a funny red herring, though it’s only matter of time when the actual enemy arrive.

The deepest thought that reminded me on why I love this series is the end scene with Kagura and Shinpachi. I love the fact they can pinpoint and understand what Gintoki is trying to accomplish all this time, so no need to ask questions. It connects to their reaction towards his undertone sadness after he chased after Utsuro before falling into the Altana. I love how those small details mean so much in the long run. The one question is asked that I was floored and stunned to hear: what should Gintoki do?

I joked about the meme, “the coolest guy ever” because of how Shounen tend to give a villain a slap on the wrist despite the damage they caused. But not Gintama. They made it into a serious discussion, hence why I was stunned. This series isn’t going to sugar coat anything. Gintoki has two choices and it depends on the outcome of Utsuro’s being. If he kills him, there is no going back. He love his sensei, so killing him again will break him as evident throughout the series. If he let him live, the people around him will hate him, deem him as a villain. It’s him or them. That’s deep; is this Shounen?

I love the end with Kagura and Shinpachi thinking on what to do if they were in his place. It’s a hard-hitting question and with this in mind, it can deliver a powerful message for everyone in the end. As long as there is no copout involved. The one message that is great is whether you are stuck in a question, keep going towards your path because your answer will appear. They’re growing up so fast. Gintoki and Takasugi are back in Edo. My hype is through the roof.

This was a heartwarming chapter with signs of sadness coming soon; at least I hope not. The subplots are really intriguing with a lot of grounds to make it believable. Yorozuya reunion is happening sooner and that alone is enough to be hyped. The artwork is solid with tender emotional reactions. The hard-hitting question is planted and the answer can deliver a powerful message for highly likely wonderful conclusion. Seriously curious what Sorachi has in mind. But in due time. For now, enjoy it while it lasts.

[caemec]

Hi! I really loved your friends with mcl boys headcanons

Hi honey ! Thank you for your request ! Sorry for the time it took me, I was so busy those days, and that headcanon requires a real work (I’m too lazy to make it with one stroke). But finally, here we are. 

As for the MCL version, I will cut the headcanon in two parts, because it will be way too long if I don’t do it. Due to that, I will give you six boys in total, be free to ask for another one, if he is missing. 

So, here is the publication’s order of the “To what would a best friend relation with boys look like?” headcanon, in Eldarya version :

Part 1 : Nevra - Ashkore - Leiftan

Part 2 (here) : Chrome - Valkyon - Ezarel

I hope you will enjoy it !

Nevra

In general ? 

Chilling with Nevra is never boring, due to a simple reason. Do you remember his drama queen title ? Well, good news, he still has it. It is not always easy to deal with it, it’s always black or white, and his mood can switch in a couple of seconds. However, as a good friend, you love to see him smiling and self-confident, and so, you know how to remember him how great, kind, talented and handsome he is. With Karenn, you are his official ego booster. 

He always has a hand on you. Your waist, your shoulders, your hand, your hair, etc. He is so much in the physical contact, but still without any seductive intention. It is his way to express his affection to you. But don’t misunderstand me; he can be as childish as Ezarel (is it possible ?), when he wants. Cute pranks and funny jokes during a reunion ? It’s totally his style. 

You are in couple ?

The day you will announce him you have a crush on someone, be ready for a very long drama pose, crocodile tears and a “you don’t love me any more” speech. Right before a smirk, an eyebrow raised and the unavoidable “sooo, what are the details?” You were already traumatized with Karenn’s deny of your privacy ? It’s that you didn’t meet her brother yet. He is so much worse. Because more than just asking for what happened, where, with whom, how, for how long, which place, position, … he will also “gently” tease you in front of your partner. No less. 

You know, with that complicit wink to him/her, that means “I wasn’t there, but I know everything, and by everything, I mean everything”. And if you are dating one of his best friends, like Valkyon or Ezarel, he will certainly let go the ashamed “Good job dude”. In front of a whole group, to make things even funnier. 

He is in couple ? 

Of course he is in couple. Okay, not all the time, but he never stays alone for a long moment. Nevra has his periods. Sometimes, he wants something exclusive with one partner, and the month after, he searches for no-strings attached relations. He manages it like a big boy, doesn’t really need to talk to you for common stuffs. You will mostly listen to funny anecdotes, more than really giving love advices. 

Actually, his biggest problem to handle his relations (after his tendency to go see in other pants), is you. People can easily be jealous of your friendship, doubting of your true intentions, and at the end, you always finish as the “threat” to eliminate. Not really friendly, we agree. He is aware of the reputation you sadly have, and will try his best to avoid you problems. It’s not always successful (thanks to his way to remind them you are the number one). 

From” best friends” to “more than friends” ?

Believe it or not, but Nevra will never cross the limits with such a close and important friend. You’re not a person like the others. You have a particular place in his heart, someone with a very high value. He cherishes you, and yes, he tends to demonstrate it. One day or another, you could eventually fall for him, and after treating yourself of idiot, you will have to deal with his touchy side, his over-affection and his dangerous fan club. 

If he is absolutely sure he has deeper feelings for you too, let’s the love story begins. And honestly, already knowing each other so well before the couple period will help you a lot to understand and manage some delicate times. However, if he doesn’t love you back, he will totally freak out. How could it happen ? When ? Why ? He already sees himself alone under the rain, far away from you because you kicked him out of your life, without any friend any more (drama queen, remember). He will do everything he can to not lose you, he’s just too afraid. 

Ashkore

In general ?

Oh man, that’s another level of friendship here. A rare one. You will not find deeper than you two. Honestly, being best friends with that guy has to mean you also have a relative dark side. Someone too innocent or honest would never be so close from him. Even if they wanted it, Ashkore wouldn’t look at anyone easily (unless it is to manipulate). You have to win his respect and interest. Once you have done that, he will see you as his equal. That step done, you will be able to count on him, and you shouldn’t be afraid to be stabbed in the back anymore… Normally. 

Your complicity is quite clear to everyone else. Playful looks in the hallway, high-fives after common mischiefs or jokes, a few bitchy talks about someone you both don’t like at all, or else unwavering support when the other has some problems with the Guard. You could practically maintain a symbiotic relationship, you’re officially a duo that people tend to respect. 

You are in couple ?

Actually, no, it’s already over. The guy/girl has been killed while you were reading this sentence. My condolences. Honestly, it is a risk to take. Ashkore is the most dangerous “other guy” from all the boys, MCL and Eldarya include. When he says “make her suffer and I will make you regret”, he is definitely serious. No one mess with his best friend. No one. And he makes sure that everyone knows that. The reason of his true dangerousness is probably that you are one of the rare persons he actually really loves, in a good way. Even if he says the contrary, he needs you, smiling and shinning if possible. 

If you secretly became close enough to call each other best friends while he still plays to hide and seek in the HQ with a pan in the hand, you already know where to find him during the night (your partner’s bedroom, probably under the bed, planning which terrific words he will tell him/her to give him/her nightmares). 

The funniest thing would be you dating Nevra or Miiko. They hate him, and he is giving it right back. He will act like a child for a while, always on your side during argues, will have that insupportable smirk when he sees them, even for no reason. He was already their nightmare before, but thanks to you, now he will literally bring hell to them. 

He is in couple ?

Ashkore in couple ? It would be something to see. A true couple, I mean. Not what comes from his certain talent to seduce people, play a little with them, for a mission, his “professional interest” (you know, messing with the entire world) or even his own pleasure. You see that kind of scenario way too much, that you don’t even really care about that now. And let’s be honest, between you two, he is the most capable to handle the consequences of a relationship by himself. 

The day he will present you a girl, you will literally choke in your glass. Like, a girl ? A true one ? And she came of her own free will ? First, you will be suspicious, you doubt about her psychological condition, and you will be afraid he just found worse than him. Eventually, your behaviour will tire him, and you both will confront each other. It’s that you never thought Ash would want to be in couple. You always imagined him… above such things ? 

From” best friends” to “more than friends” ?

Honestly, people secretly think since the beginning something happened between you. And come on, you must admit that your relation is not totally innocent. That guy is literally born with something catchy, seductive, intriguing. There is no happy medium. You hate him or you love him. Even you are not insensible to his aura, you are as much concerned as the others. If for a long time you called that friendship, you both knew it was deeper than just that, and always a little ambiguous. It was a question of time before one of you make the first step. 

It probably began with a quarrel, a stolen kiss, an instant of confusion, a deep look, before you literally jumped on each other and finished in a dark corner. It was rough, passionate, animal, and it lets both of you completely in desire for the other one. With Ashkore, it will maybe stay at that stage for a moment. You are totally friends with (a lot of) benefits, until the day where one of you will finally take the courage to face those strange feelings. Still, don’t expect a cute and romantic relation, he’s all about passion and desire. And if you’re too, well, it will be quite electric…

Leiftan

In general ?

You know everything about him. And by everything, I include his mysterious side. It took you a while to discover what he was hiding, but once you did, your relation became stronger. He is quite relieved someone knows the truth about him, because he finally can talk to you without reservation and be himself. You offers him an instant of peace, it’s refreshing. Of course, you will talk a lot about you too. Leiftan has that thing, that makes you speak freely. 

Your particular friendship is probably not as obvious for the outside as the one with Nevra, Ezarel or Ashkore. Leiftan is quite shy in public, and will not show a lot of affection easily. Kind gestures are for when there is only the two of you. You are not stuck together, despite your relation, you are both quite independent, and prefer to be alone to talk. 

You are in couple ?

Well, it also means Leiftan suddenly became your private therapist. That boy must be superhuman (figure of speech), because he can listen to your complaints for hours without being bored or drained at the end. Even more, he boosts you, and gives you the courage to do what you are afraid of. He’s an angel, in those circumstances. 

But don’t worship him too much, because he also can act like a freaking mom. Where were you last night ? With whom ? Was the person nice ? You’re not hurt ? Don’t you feel too uncomfortable in your couple ? He can be so tiresome when he wants. He wants the best for you, obviously, and you thank him for that, but he seriously needs to take a nap from time to time. It’s lost by advance if you date someone too flirty or “not to his taste” (Nevra, Ezarel or Ashkore, to name them). 

He is in couple ?

Leiftan in couple is the cutest thing you ever saw in your entire life. You seriously want to pinch his cheeks every time he speaks about his loved one, or is with him/her. You even already see them under the arch. You’re so happy to see him with that stupid lover face and those fireworks in the eyes. He deserves it, if people ask you. And everything is perfect for everyone. 

Until the day Leiftan will start to feel guilty, because of that thing no one knows. He thinks he betrays his partner’s trust, he doesn’t deserve love or affection, and you will have to be there as much as you can, to stop him from breaking up and making everyone suffer. Good luck to manage a Leiftan in that state, he’s a mess. Finally, he needs you as much as you do; you both comfort each other and remember that you are great people. 

From” best friends” to “more than friends” ?

Leiftan is always so kind, sweet and attentive, that you will not remark that his way to see you changed. It’s obvious to other people, but you will always send them back with a “nah, no way, we’re just besties”. That’s called deny, you just jumped in it with both feet. However, if you finish by also feel something for him in return, your relation could turn over a new leaf. 

In contrast with the other boys, even being fully aware of your mutual feelings could not lead you to the couple status. You could be afraid to do something wrong, to hurt him, to make the first step, to try new things, to be seen as the new pair in the Guard, etc. Him ? If he clearly understand in which position you are, he will be absolutely against rushing. If he has to take months or years to having you and to suppress your fears, he will. It’s all an affair of patience. 

🎀 Masterlist 🎀 MCL— Part 1 🎀 MCL — Part 2🎀 MCL— Part 3🎀

[drundertalescum]

Papyrus or Undyne for 11?

Headcanons Prompt (Still Accepting)

I’ve been pretty hardcore into these two’s friendship lately so this ended up a little lengthy.

Papyrus - Best Friend

Papyrus realizes he will likely never be anyone’s best friend, but that’s okay! As long as he’s the best friend he can be, it’s enough!

Papyrus has always had a lot of trouble making friends. He just always seems to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing, or mess up, or confuse people, or be too quiet, or be too loud, or too childish, too strange, too desperate, too opinionated, too wishy washy, too this, too that, and the one time he thought he had perfected the formula, the perfect pitch, the perfect blend of traits, the perfect Papyrus for friendship, he found he was too forgettable. Too boring. It was fine! It had just been an experiment, that time! He just didn't quite figure it out!

He would think the whole process impossible, were out not for the fact that Sans manages just fine… and he doesn't even try! Sans had said that was the trick, not trying, so Papyrus didn't try and he still found little success. Sans had also said “just be yourself,” which didn't make any sense, because he'd tried that the first few times and it hadn't worked at all!

But he'd also explained that if Papyrus made a friend while he wasn't being himself, he would risk losing the friend if he ever became himself again. And that made some strange kind of sense. He did like being himself a plurality of the time. It would be a shame to give that up.

So he decided to simply be himself, and try less…  and join the Royal Guard, because they were popular, and he would be popular, and then he would have friends almost instantly! Sans had not seemed to have much faith in the plan when he told him it, but it was completely logical.

If you're feeling lonely or down, or blue… join the armed forces! He thinks he read that in a poster in the dump, once. It's something different, at least.

Still, Papyrus knows very well how difficult becoming friends is. Who knows how much worse the competition and bloodsport(?) would be to become best friends!? He can't imagine. He would be happy even being worst friends as long as he could be A friend! Though he would hope his friends would be kind enough to only call him that behind his back. Out of hearing range entirely, if he was lucky!

(And of course, any friends he makes are automatically his best friend. It would always be a tie because simply being his friend would make them the very best!)

Undyne - Best Friend

It was almost scary how quickly Papyrus went from being the nuisance outside her door at 1 in the morning to being her best friend. It was weird, and he was weird, and the whole situation was weird, honestly, but she isn't about to jinx it by questioning it. Life has handed her a Papyrus, so she's made a friend out of it. He wants her to make a soldier out of him, but nevermind.

This is so much better. For both of them.

It’s tough for her when it comes to friendships, sometimes. She has friends, like Gerson and Asgore, but they're so much older than her, and it makes things kind of weird when all she wants to do is throw things and rant about stuff. They always pull out the “when I was young” stuff, or the Wise Eyes Of Knowing And Experience when all she wants to do is trash talk about obnoxious robots or paperwork. It's awkward. They're great, but they're old enough to be her fathers. Her great grand fathers. A lot of great, actually. It's downright weird to think about how many greats are actually in play. So she doesn't. She just huffs and drinks her tea and calls up Papyrus to ask if he wants to punch each other for a few hours, and he always picks up, and he always is interested in punching and being punched, and it's a really good system. Great guy, that Papyrus.

But it's not just Asgore and Gerson. She's friendly with most of her subordinates off-hours, sure, but they're subordinates. It's weird. It's imbalanced. It's wrong to get too personal, and sure, she can spar with them if she wants to but it's not really enough. She wants to hit things with passion! There's less passionate hitting in an employee/employer relationship. That's just how it is.

And outside of her basically-dads and her soldiers, there's a lot less. She's friendly with people, neighbors, mainly, but not quite friends. She cares about the people around her and she loves teaching Shyren piano or watching Napstablook trend to their snails, and she appreciates a chance to be quiet, to be contemplative, but it's just not enough. She always feels like she's toning herself down so much, but she scares people off when she gets excited or physical or passionate.

She never scares Papyrus off. 

He likes fighting, he likes loud, he likes danger and excitement and he also likes spa days and listening to piano and talking about life and love and the surface and dreams and hopes and cool shit. He's less enthusiastic about certain topics but he can never hide that he's having fun, too, and she enjoys his sassy comments, the bizarre things he'll say or do, and it's just fun and free and no matter what side of herself she's showing, she feels like Papyrus isn't wishing she was being something else.

Well, aside from watching anime. He never wants to do that. He has some kind of weirdness against it, but, hey, that's why she has Alphys!

(That's not the only reason she has Alphys! Gah that sounds bad. She just… Alphys is… she's great okay? But she's not the topic, here!)

And with Alphys, though Undyne cares for her a lot… a lot, it's different. It's different in a way that's just… just different, okay!? She doesn't need to justify it or explain it, but she can justify and explain it to Papyrus, and she does, and he tells her she's definitely in love and that's definitely not it, because her feelings for her are a vast ocean of deep, deep, strictly platonic love. But it's… well, possible that Papyrus is right, and she considers it, because he's smart and insightful and he doesn't make claims like that unless he really believes them, but he's more smug about it than wise and ageless and she doesn't feel weird noogieing him for potentially being correct. And the noogies never stop him from trying to make smooching noises at her in retaliation, and she lets it slide because there’s nothing funnier than the sounds a guy without lips makes when he’s trying to make exaggerated, mocking kisses to the air. It’s hilarious. Infuriating in its intent, but hilarious.

And whatever, maybe she's in love. Maybe she's been in love for months.

Whatever!

The fact that she has someone to talk to about that, someone she can see being her best man at the wedding she sometimes (platonically) fantasizes about, or more likely someone she can cry and eat ice cream with and punch each other until first blood (Papyrus might have the advantage) when the inevitable rejection happens… it's really something special, something she wouldn't trade for anything. Maybe not even for the girl of her dreams.

Honestly, the only thing that's actually weird about it all is how much Papyrus talks about wanting to make a friend. A friend.

She's not sure he realizes he has one, and that she's not going anywhere.

[mfmagazine]

Elaine Hendrix

Article by Lauren Weigle

Photo by James Acomb

Not many people are both smart and good-looking.  It’s usually one of the two, but if you throw in talented, funny, and sincere as well, then you’re probably talking about Elaine Hendrix. She’s sort of a cross between the sweet girl next door and the slutty bitch at the head of the lunch table…Or maybe she’s a cross between the brilliant hard-ass know-it-all and the goofy class clown…Or maybe that’s just some of her alter egos waiting to make their next appearance on screen.  From comedic to dramatic roles, this firecracker can do it all.  Let’s see what this saucy chick has to say for herself…

In movies like The Parent Trap, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, and Superstar, you always play the gorgeous villainess.   What attracts you to these roles?

Being bad is fun. I rarely allow myself to act that bitchy in real life, so it's the chance to let my alter ego fly. It's funny to watch people react to me as if I might actually be the same in "real life." There are times I've gotten some good prankster mileage out of it.

Ha. I bet. So, why do you think you pull these characteristics off so well?

I'm not afraid to be mean and enjoy it. Comedy is largely about not being afraid to look and act as ugly and ridiculous as possible. I enjoy seeing how many varieties and levels of "evil" I can create. My eyebrows certainly help.  

Oh do they? (I smile.) Okay, rewinding to the beginning of your career, tell me about all of your background in dance.

I've danced my whole life - still do. I discovered dance as a serious art form when my mother and I moved to Atlanta, GA, and I attended a performing arts school. I was classically trained in modern and jazz. It's the foundation of my professionalism and discipline, not to mention a [bleep] load of fun.

So, I have to have you tell me about this one… I know you were a hip-hop dancer in an MC Hammer video.  Was it for Can’t Touch This?

Ha! I wish. I don't even remember the name of the song. I do remember having mixed feelings about it because it was kind of a slow song (boring!) but it was MC Hammer (exciting!) We filmed in a historic hotel in LA. That part was cool too. I was the honorary "white girl with black girl moves" in numerous early rap videos. Ahh, youth.

Well, what do you like to do when you aren’t stunning people with your looks, talent, and “Hammer time” moves?

I'm stunning them with my smarts, charm, and "Benatar" vocals.

Yuh oh.  (I joke.)So, aside from your “Benatar” vocals, you have a serious passion for animals as well. Tell me about some of your rescue escapades.  

Working on behalf of animals is my greatest passion. I would give anything to not have a reason to do the work, but there's a deep, urgent need for it. I'm entirely committed to it… so much so that I am a founding member of the organization Animal Rescue Corps. (Shameless plug: www.animalrescuecorps.org )  

Give me some more shameless plugs.  Let’s talk about projects you have in the works, pre-production, post-production, etc.

How about we keep talking about animals instead?! They are FAR more interesting. (Shameless plug #2: www.elainehendrix.com )

Ha ha.  Sorry, your ridiculously long resume of roles and acting gigs makes it impossible, especially accomplishing so much in the last couple years.  

Thank you. The curse of the actor (aka the wounded child) - it takes effort for me to stop and appreciate all my diligent work, because there's an ever present drive for "more" and "the next." I think that's why pretty much anyone and everyone gets into this business..."enough" is never really "enough," and the insatiable quest for it to be becomes addictive. So, basically what I'm trying to say is, "Hi. I'm Elaine. I'm work-a-holic."    

Running down the list, what truly stands out to you as a memorable moment… or moments?

Wow. Way too many to choose from. They run the gamut of icons I've met and had the honor of working with, to getting compliments from other actors I admire greatly, to being hit on or propositioned by married men (AND women), to experiences I would rather eat glass than relive....on and on and on. It's never a dull moment in LaLaLand.

Married men AND women, huh?  Wait, I’m getting off-track.  So, tell me about some of your work as a producer?

As an actor you are regularly at the mercy of other people's decisions, which are too often subjectively personal or completely random. Getting involved behind-the-scenes gives me a chance to help create my own opportunities. It's a lot of work though, and a less significant part of my life. My greatest credit will be helping to "produce" Animal Rescue Corps.

What made you decide to get behind-the-scenes and take on production roles in the first place?

It's another something I've basically done my whole life. Leadership. Organizing. Creating. Team work. Putting pieces of the puzzle together. I put on shows when I was a little girl, and then I made some of my first pay checks producing live events when I was in high school. Now I produce independent movies and I'm developing other projects. I've always produced in one form or another.      

All right.  Let’s focus a little on your acting again.  You’ve been involved with your fair share of comedies.  Aside from the obvious reasons, why are comedies such a pleasure to be a part of?

I LOVE to play. I love to be child-like (which is totally adorable and not to be confused with child-ish, which is totally annoying) and play with other people willing to be child-like too.  I also LOVE being physical. A strong female role with good physical comedy...nothing like it. They're just unfortunately rare.      

Do you feel more comfortable acting in a comedic role rather than the more dramatic?

They are equal to me. The difference lies more in the types of characters rather than the genre. I'm in my zone when I'm playing women who are "top dog" at what they do whether it's actual or delusional.  

Okay, if you were to create your own sitcom or show, what would be the premise, the plot?

Funny you ask. I have been creating shows and have already started pitching one of them with a phenomenal Executive Producer attached. Keep your fingers AND toes crossed that you see them on TV or the web...and then we can do a follow up interview about this moment. (She smiles.)

Sounds like a plan.  So, what do you feel makes a funny show truly a success?

Sincerity. The more actively sincere a character is with their point of view and what they are desperately trying to get out of their own little world - the funnier it is. Same thing with the situations they're in.

Do you ever feel like your real life is somewhat of a sitcom?

If only. No, it's my blessing that my life is more like a Greek Tragedy, where I play all the characters, including the  chorus...the ENTIRE chorus...constantly commenting on what is going on with me, particularly inside my own head.

But, are all your problems solved in 30 minutes?

Only the sexual ones...and then I have 25 minutes to rest before the next problem hits.

[a-non-sequitur]

Rogue One: Catalyst: Thoughts

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -

Finally finished reading Rogue One: Catalyst by James Luceno, or as it's also known by:

Lyra Erso: Badass;

Lyra Erso: They Could Have Easily Created Parallels Between You and Chirrut+Baze in the Film Instead of Ignoring Your Existence;

Lyra/Galen OTP Fever: How to Write a Strong, Balanced Couple While Still Giving Them Relationship Hurdles;

"I'm Thirsty for You and Your D, Galen," Screams Krennic Into the Rain

with foreword by Galen Erso, "Who Is This? And What Does He Mean By My D?"

and annotated by Lyra Erso, *The dickbag is talking about the Death Star, honey.

Tarkin/Krennic: Hux/Kylo Ren Got Nothing On This Hate Couple

and finally: Jyn Erso Is A Normal Human Child: how this makes her future character arc 1000x more painful

NB: Have only seen the RO film and have now read this book. This is going to be long and about 90% quotes related to characterization.

General Impression:

Writing was okay. Not great, but not bad. (This is especially apparent since I've just started reading the RO novelization, and the difference in quality is pretty startling.) Nice quick read.

Lyra is fantastic.

Galen is pretty interesting.

Jyn is adorable and normal, and it breaks my heart.

Krennic is... wow, I just want to laugh because he's so absurd but also a Terrible Human Being.

Tarkin is fascinating (see waaaay below for details).

Lyra Erso

No one holds this bitch down.

"She had no recourse. She wasn’t built to hold things in; to be complacent or compliant."

"Some of Orson’s remarks had made her wonder whether she and Galen were under surveillance, or even whether her personal comlink might be bugged. But she didn’t care either way. Orson may have drawn the line in the sand, but she would be the one to step over it."

Lyra loves exercising and exploring. She wants to go everywhere in the galaxy!

"She needed wind and rain, cyclones, quakes, and the threat of avalanches. Unpredictability. Natural forces at work."

She sees the galaxy with very, very clear eyes.

“Who knows to what ends Dooku might have put this crystal.”// “I can guess,” Lyra said carefully, “since Dooku loosed a droid army on the galaxy.”

"This is the Emperor’s dream,” [said Galen.] // Lyra wrinkled her nose. “Can’t we just call him Palpatine—in private, I mean?

Lyra is probably mildly Force-sensitive.

She was against coming to Vallt, where she and Galen would later be imprisoned, from the start. 

"Her reverence for the Force had evolved from an enduring love of nature."

"... even if she wasn’t able to use the Force, she could at least feel it."

"But being pregnant with Jyn—especially while in captivity—had made her aware of the Force in a way she imagined the Jedi experienced: a profound connection with life that went beyond mere understanding."

"...she was secretly glad that [Galen] was no longer attempting to synthesize or create facsimiles of kyber crystals. One might as well try to clone the Force itself, or turn to magic in an effort to simulate the power."

"She would often sky-cab to the Jedi Temple grounds and exercise there, basking in the energy of that elegant site, surrounded by a nexus of the Force."

"The Jedi killed by the thousands, their Temple the scene of a battle, scant survivors scattered to the stars, the Force dispersed…She was as heartbroken as if she had lost a family member, and had cried for hours."

[Saw] pulled his datapad from his pant pocket and showed them the image of a green, black, and blue planet with a wide ring. “It’s called Lah’mu.” / Papa looked at the image and said, “It looks unspoiled.”

this is significant because Lyra talks a whole bunch about “untouched” nature and its strong connection to the Force throughout the book.

Galen Erso

has a very interesting brain

"he felt as if he already held the entire galaxy in his thoughts."

"He had a greater fear of attention than he did failure, refusing even to celebrate his birthday much less receive gifts or acclamation. With romance he was hopeless, pretending disinterest when in fact he was confused by his changing body and how it sometimes took him out of his mind, out of his deep thinking."

"...inability to find refuge even in his thoughts; to find what one of his mentors had called the still point in the turning world."

"He was suddenly lost without his research; torn between uncompromising tenderness for Lyra and Jyn and a sense of burden in being able to provide a flawless future for them."

"In his daily life he would sometimes go out of his way to introduce imperfection—in his drawings, his routines, his attempts at housecleaning—as a means of keeping himself from becoming overly occupied with results."

"It wasn’t that he didn’t wish to see the world as others did; he was unable to. He saw more deeply into things, and was attuned to nature’s own musings and inner dialogues."

"At times it seemed as if, in attempting to unlock the secrets of the kyber, he was trying to decode something about himself."

is very plain-spoken and direct.

"Most would have remembered him as the one who was always speaking out of turn."

"Galen merely shrugged. “Normalcy has taken leave of the galaxy.” / [A scientist named] Herbane’s jaw dropped a bit and he looked at Lyra. “Is your husband always so confrontational?” / “He speaks his mind,” Lyra said."

"But he was a terrible liar; he had no practice in the art. Never wanting to be involved in games, he had always spoken his mind. Where he was forever attempting to simplify his thinking, lying introduced complications."

“You could have at least made him work to get the current data,” [said Lyra, after escaping with Galen from Coruscant.] / “He’s welcome to whatever he finds. I could have sabotaged everything, but I don’t want to give the Empire a reason to hunt us down. We’re simply dropping out—although covertly. Besides, what I left will keep them occupied for a while.” / “Revenge was never your style.” / Galen considered it. “Orson may have worked me, but he didn’t force me.” 

Galen has such a rigid sense of principles that even though Krennic had blatantly lied to Galen and was weaponizing his research - the! very! last! thing! Galen! wanted! - Galen didn’t sabotage or delete anything because technically Krennic didn’t force him at blasterpoint.

And this, plus the quote about the inability to lie, makes me see RO!Galen in a whole different light? Because Galen ends up changing fundamental parts of his character because of the trauma Krennic puts him through (aka losing his family). And Jyn ends up irrevocably changed from who she was as a child because of Krennic. And it makes me wonder - what would have happened to Lyra if she had not died? How would she have been changed?

so basically the only reason Galen isn't known throughout the galaxy as a genius of the highest caliber is because he can't write scientific papers.

 when Krennic shows Galen the ruins of a facility on another planet, Galen (rightly) assumes that the scientific team there fucked up duplicating his kyber research, causing the experiment to explode.  Galen says, "I was very precise in my notes."  But when Krennic had interviewed the team a couple of chapters earlier, they said that the data and methods they'd be given "aren't specific enough in many instances" and that provided equations were "in a shorthand difficult to decipher."

Galen sent out his research findings to his colleagues in his own special shorthand without thinking of defining anything

And it's mentioned throughout the book that the way he writes is very rambly and with tangents and he'll write in different directions on a page and cram every bit of space with words

what makes this even funnier is that it's Lyra who he trusts to transcribe his notes. Which means that she transcribes all this down, doesn't get most of what it means but assumes any of Galen's scientific peers must understand it, and sends it on as is. And Galen trusts Lyra, so when she doesn't ask for further clarification on the notes, that must mean they're okay for sending!

like, i imagine galen could never figure out why he never got published, and Lyra's just like, "Honey, they'll realize they're missing out on something great soon." and on another planet, scientific journal editors and peer review boards internally scream when looking at the gibberish this supposedly hotshot scientist is sending them AGAIN and they throw everything into the trash compactor AGAIN because what the fuck they had told him to clarify, not write more nonsense

you don’t understand. this is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.

headcanon:

one way that Galen slows down work on the Death Star is that he takes his terrible research writing habits and exaggerates it to the max.  You know how Leonardo da Vinci used to write backwards, right-to-left?  Galen starts pulling off that shit ASAP but adds vertical/diagonal/loop-de-loop writing, too.

Krennic had to actually hire codebreakers to be part of the "Transcribe Galen Erso's Notes" team just because Galen's notes became so illegible.

Galen used to take the time to simplify and re-simplify and re-simplify whatever crazy, complicated idea was in his head when he talked to Lyra until she could understand.  On Eadu, when scientists and engineers ask for clarification, he'll restate whatever concept in equally if not moreso confusing terms, using long weirdass metaphors. Or he'll just completely ignore them, saying, "Leave me be! I'm at a breakthrough!" And woe be those who interrupt Galen when he's breakthrough-ing.

Dr. Erso is such a nice - if quiet - man, think his coworkers. But every time he writes some indecipherable equation on his lab's boards, they have the intense, passionate urge to wring his neck.

Lyra/Galen, my OTP (with Lyra/Galen/Bodhi being my OTThreesome that will never be, apparently):

They're hot for each other:

"[Lyra] recalled the first time she’d set eyes on [Galen] on Espinar, thinking: If this guy was any more magnetic, pieces of metal would fly across the room and start sticking to him…"

"that what [Lyra] interpreted as hostility was actually a ploy that allowed [Galen] to maintain a safe distance from her while he sorted out what she wanted from him and solved the calculus of their relationship."

"what Galen had found in [Lyra]: his opposite."

"The expedition lasted six local months, and by the end of it they were lovers. She had made the first move, but he had gotten the hang of things very quickly."

aka: Galen was a virgin or with little experience, and the two ended up fucking like bunnies.

They have an incredibly healthy relationship where they respect each other's abilities?!

"With her maternal instincts running strong, she had to resist an urge to intercede [on Galen's behalf]. After all, she wasn’t Galen’s parent; she was his partner."

Lyra to Krennic, who is trying to shame Lyra for making Galen's work "harder for him": “He’s his own person, in any case, and whatever stress I introduce isn’t going to cripple his concentration or interfere with his work.”

"She restrained an impulse to touch Galen or send him any kind of reassuring message. The job was his choice and she was determined to stay out of it."

“I’m hardly sacrificing myself, Galen. Being here was as much my choice as yours.” She looked from Galen to Krennic and back again. “Anything else either of you want to say about my life?”

But are also incredibly devoted to each other and hold the other's opinions in the highest esteem?!

Galen to Lyra, regarding providing his research to the Separatists, who'll probably weaponize it: "Should I simply accept their terms? I will do it—for your sake, for the sake of our unborn daughter. You need only say the word."

Galen, while experiencing moral conflict over his research on Coruscant: "Would Lyra understand? Or would she accuse him of being so driven by a need to measure up to the challenge that he had not only abandoned caution and scientific discernment, but also dragged her and Jyn down with him? What would his legacy be then? Lyra might not see it as a noble lie so much as a grand betrayal."

When Jyn, Galen, and Lyra are doing research on a different planet that ends up being targeted by Separatists, they end up trying to run away from their over-run town but end up being cornered by Separatist droids. Galen is constantly putting himself in between the droids and Lyra/Jyn.

[Galen] turned to face [Lyra]. “I had myself convinced that I was doing it for you and Jyn and to safeguard future generations. Instead I failed as a husband, a father, and a scientist.” He snorted in a sad way, then said: “I can’t do anything about being a failed scientist, but I can correct the rest—if it’s not too late.” / She smiled in encouragement. “Don’t be an idiot. I didn’t fall in love with your research, Galen. I fell in love with you.” / He took her into his embrace and held her tightly, saying into her ear: “I love you and Jyn. You’re all that matter to me.” He’s back, she thought, resting her head against his chest.

Kyber Crystals

How kybers are found:

“In most cases, kybers are brought to the surface by seismic activity—movements along slippage fault lines, and typically only when an oceanic plate is sliding against a continental plate. But even then the movement has to be horizontal. The crystals rise, gathering impurities or other minerals along the way. That’s why it has always been said of kybers that they are more often grown than mined."

Characteristics:

Close and extended contact with kybers is detrimental to sleep.

"Even on the nights when sheer exhaustion overwhelmed his racing thoughts, the crystals infiltrated his dreams. The Jedi were believed to have been able to establish a kind of rapport with the kybers through the Force. Was it possible that the crystals could affect non-Force-users as well?"

“The internal structure is unlike anything I’ve seen. It’s almost a bridge between organic and inorganic, as close to alive as a stone can be—which I suspect is why the Jedi were able to interact with kybers through the Force."

"It warmed as he curled his hand around it, but he knew from previous research that the crystal would show no change in temperature; and he knew also that it would not warm a sheath or a towel or any inanimate object. It responded only to life, even plant life. Which made the Jedi’s use of it to power their lightsabers all the more ironic and mysterious."

"kyber’s mix of transparency and opacity—characteristics the ancient Jedi had referred to as “the water of the kyber.”"

"By rights lightsabers shouldn’t have been able to cut through meter-thick durasteel and yet they could, which lent credence to the notion of their being augmented by the Force itself."

"One Jedi commentator had called the kyber a somnolent stone that needed to be woken up to perform its purpose. But that same commentator had cautioned that the crystal was also easily insulted and a Jedi needed to take care."

Galen: "Now that he’d found a way to alter the internal structure of the crystals, the kybers seemed in turn to have found a way to alter his."

Kyber Necklace

Krennic had showed Lyra & Galen some kyber crystals as a way to tempt Galen to continue his kyber research. Lyra is the one who realizes that they came from Jedi lightsabers. Later on in the novel, Galen reveals that he keeps one of those crystals in his pocket. There's never any mention of Lyra's necklace throughout the book, so I'm pretty sure that Galen gives Lyra the kyber crystal post-escape

WHOSE LIGHTSABER DID IT COME FROM

c'mon, someone write about how that Jedi hangs around Lyra and Jyn as a Force Ghost. please please please.

Orson Krennic

started as an engineer.  Helped design/build a bunch of buildings, including on Coruscant

actually thinks, "Vader’s eccentric fashion sense notwithstanding"

[Krennic] turned back to Galen. “I wasn’t born brilliant or especially talented, but I’m capable and I’m driven, and that’s brought me to where I am."

Gotta give him credit: he really is a great manipulator. Tricked Has Obitt - the smuggler who would later smuggle the Ersos off Coruscant - and Tarkin into starting an all-out war between the Empire and an independent star system.

Krennic/Galen

One-Sided As Fuckkkkkk

I tried so hard to figure out how to describe their relationship.

Krennic is a Nice Guy (TM).

Krennics's that Guy who hangs around you a lot and you're kind of ???? about it but don't really say anything for or against said hovering, so he makes this epic love story between the two of you?  And gets weirdly jealous around your friends?

Krennic is kinda like the Star Wars version of Severus Snape, with Galen serving as Lily, Lyra as James, and Jyn as Harry. Except the "friendship" is pretty one-sided all the time, Krennic doesn't have any redemption attempts for his shitty-ass decisions, and Lyra was never a bully. Jyn as Harry seems pretty damn accurate, tho.

“except it seems I no longer have to fight your battles,” [said Krennic.] Galen wiped the drink from his face and nursed his fist. “You never did.”

“It can’t have escaped your attention that you have a powerful ally in Orson Krennic,” [said Tarkin.] / Galen raised his eyes from the carpet. “We were acquaintances in the Futures Program. Years ago.”

Quotes showing Krennic's Thirst for Galen:

[After rescuing the Ersos from Vallt:] Once inside, Krennic whirled Galen into an embrace. “How wonderful to see you after all this time!”

“We have to put some meat back on those bones of yours,” he said as he crossed the cabin to Galen, “but I think I could get used to the beard.”

"... and on a couple of occasions [Krennic] had been Galen’s protector in fights or brawls."  

[Lyra said,] “You realize that he’s never going to stop looking for you, Galen. You’re in his blood, crystal research or no. He’s never going to let go of you entirely.”

[When Krennic suspects the Ersos are escaping, but Krennic's stuck in traffic.] The anger and despair he had felt in the airspeeder returned and settled on him like a great weight. “Galen,” he said, as if orphaned. Then: “Galen!” shouting it to the busy sky.

Yes, Krennic just shouted Galen's name into the sky.

Krennic haaaaaaates Lyra omg (the feelings becomes increasingly mutual)

Krennic thinking about Lyra/Galen's courtship: "Still, he hadn’t expected the love affair to last more than a couple of months, and was shocked when they wed."

Thinking about the courtship again: "[Krennic was] being entertained by [Galen’s] bright-eyed confession that he had fallen in love. Galen, who would scarcely raise his eyes when a pretty woman entered a room, in love? It had to be a joke. The thought of Galen’s genius being undermined by some grasping creature drove him to distraction."

drove him to distraction

those words were actually written and published

Krennic said, "The Emperor has made reparations and reconstruction a priority, and one way he hopes to achieve this is by being able to provide sustainable energy to worlds that have suffered on both sides of the conflict.” He gestured with his chin to Galen. “Even your own Grange [Galen's home planet].” / Lyra’s brows quirked in a sign of doubt. “This is the same Palpatine who couldn’t get anything done as supreme chancellor?” / Krennic stared at her. “He defeated the Separatists.” / “With a lot of help.”

[When Krennic tries to make Lyra resent Galen for "holding her back":] [Lyra] regarded [Krennic] frankly. “I haven’t put my life on hold, Orson. My career, maybe, but certainly not my life.”

[Krennic said to Galen,] “You know what I find interesting—or maybe ironic is the word. It’s that each of us wants what’s best for you. In a way, we’re competing to make you happy, as old-fashioned as that sounds. And each of us has a different idea about what you should be doing. Especially now that you two have a child, Lyra wants you to be settled on a course that will mean the most for the family—fulfilled in a somewhat conventional way—and I maintain that you’re meant for bigger things, and will continue to do whatever I can to bring opportunities to your attention.” / Galen smiled thinly. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate it.”

[Krennic, regarding Lyra:] "That left only one person who still needed to be broken."

[Krennic said to Galen,] “Don’t you see what Lyra’s really trying to do? She’s using these alleged concerns to persuade you to abandon your research. Her goal is to keep you to herself—to stand in the way of your legacy.”

[Lyra, when thinking about Krennic's machinations:] "Was Galen to become the prize in a contest between them? Well, hadn’t he always been that?"

Krennic also hates Jyn

probably because she reminds him how Galen didn't Choose Him (the Snape parallels are strongggg)

he forgets her name 2/3 of the book and calls her "it" in his head

"Orson tracked [toddler Jyn], his upper lip curled in what seemed disapproval. “She’s feisty.”

“Yes, how is the child?” Krennic asked, all but sneering. “Into everything, I’ll bet.”

"The fact was that work on the superlaser was stalled, and Galen’s insights were needed more than ever. After all [Krennic] had done for Galen! Fame would have come to him. Grandeur. Legacy. Without his science, Galen was a nonentity. And Lyra… Flushed with anger, he peeled his gloves off as he walked and threw them violently to the polished floor. He would leave no stone unturned in the search for them.

Two things:

one: he's walking down a hallway in this scene. he literally throws his gloves to the ground and keeps walking down a hallway. our fave drama queen.

two: i honestly cannot decide whether that last line was a massive piece of dramatic irony purposefully written by the author. It's just... so good?! And hilarious?!  Looks like Krennic forgot to give that order on Lah'mu to his troopers.

Tarkin/Krennic: A Never-ending Dick Measuring Contest

"The two officers [Krennic and Tarkin] had begun to circle each other as they spoke. “Our main weapon will have more firepower than ten vessels that size,” Krennic said. / Tarkin looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Should it ever reach completion.”"

Ok, so I'm not going to get into all the scenes/lines that the two had between them (mostly because I didn't highlight them on my Kindle), but:

the greatest reveal of this book (other than Lyra's awesomeness)

is that the reason the Ersos escaped to Lah'mu in the first place

is because Tarkin facilitated their flight

ok, it's not confirmed, but it's heavily implied

remember that unexpected war I mentioned earlier that Krennic tricked Tarkin into fighting? So Tarkin saves Has - originally Krennic's agent, who betrayed the Empire after being Shown The Light by Lyra - in order to question him, and realizes that Krennic had played both of them. and so Tarkin is PISSED (and relunctantly impressed). And Tarkin knows Has is anti-Krennic. So Tarkin goes, "Hey, I'll let you live if you play as MY spy in Krennic's employees," and Has thinks quickly and goes, "Oh, sure, but let me send out this message to Coruscant to make my return seem natural," and  sends a message to the Ersos that BASICALLY says, "Yo, you want me to grab your family and ditch?" Like, five minutes prior, Has had confessed to Krennic that Lyra Erso had Made Him See The Light. Tarkin ABSOLUTELY knew what Has was planning to do.

and that's how Tarkin's dick grew a centimeter the next time he and Krennic compared

Jyn Erso

born on the first day of Vallt's spring.

is technically a Vallti citizen

nicknamed "Stardust" by Galen because her eyes changed colors and "became flecked."

“Stardust,” Galen said. “That’s what’s in her eyes.”

YOU MONSTER:

"Having hurried over to have a look [at the kyber crystals], Jyn said: “I want one!”

“Maybe someday,” Lyra said.

Jyn is an incredibly normal child, and it friggin HURTS to think about what she’s forced to become

3 year-old Jyn used to travel around in the Coruscant research facility on the Star Wars equivalent of a hoverboard. Her parents forced her to wear a helmet. a;lsdkjfasdf socute

She's a pretty independent child, able to entertain herself for hours

She'd run around around with a toy sword in a scabbard and her stuffed animals.

"Instantly adopted by everyone, Jyn—indefatigable as ever—reveled in being the center of attention, entertaining everyone with her antics, watching closely, learning.

There's this kids' holodrama called The Octave Stairway, which Jyn is obsessed with

one: i had to shoo the Discworld reactions away.

two: the story is about this kid Brin who wants to go home, but to go home, he has to go down these eight floors of challenges in a castle. And at the very bottom he'll get the item that will help him fly up through all of those floors and out of the castle and back home

two-a: so in the book, Galen directly compares himself to Brin (he thinks Jyn drew Brin to look like him), and this scene is basically where he breaks down and realizes how he's pushed his family away and he cries and asks Jyn for forgiveness and Jyn is sweet and says, “It’s okay, Papa. Can we follow Brin home now?”

two-b: but you know how in my Second Viewing post I mentioned how falling/climbing (or, more accurately: going down/going up) seemed to happen waaaaay too often with Jyn for it to not be some sort of theme?  

two-c: WELL THIS STUPID HOLODRAMA JUST ADDS TO MY CONSPIRACY THEORY.  and possibly gives me a better idea as to what the dichotomy symbolizes.  

Saw Gerrera

"[Saw] wasn’t shouting, but he might as well have been, such was the force of his personality."

[Saw talking to Has during the unexpected war] “Cheery thought. Throw dirt in your enemy’s face, get crushed underfoot.” / Saw stopped what he was doing and walked over to him. “Look at it this way, Has. If we can persuade enough people to start throwing dirt…” / Realizing that he was supposed to finish the thought, Has considered it, then said: “Eventually we bury them.”

Random Bits and Pieces that Didn't Fit Above

“You [clonetroopers] are never less than predictable,” [said the smuggler Has.] / “Yeah, we’re made that way,” the other clone said.

“Is there some equation that can put an end to all this, Dr. Erso?” one of the shaken insectoids asked. Galen set himself down on the floor to join him. 

 “If sentient beings were moved by the same laws that govern nature, there might be. But as we’ve come to embody entropy, I don’t hold out much hope.”

A second Lokori countered: “Surely the Jedi have unlocked the secrets of reversing chaos and will be able to outwit nature at its own game.”

“The Force derives from nature,” Galen said somberly. “Against such chaos, even the Jedi are capable of accomplishing only so much.”

oh my god the Death Star project is codenamed "Project Celestial Power" POWAAAAAAH

names of Cantinas: Malicious Moondog on Suba, Contented Krayt on Tatooine,

The Hiitian [a member of the independent solar system that wars with the Empire] agreed. “Occupation? Captain Obitt, you’ve obviously visited worlds that have chosen that route. How is life there?” 

Has smiled in solidarity. “I’d rather fight.” Again he glanced at Saw and his fellow smugglers. 

“That’s why all of us are here.” The humanoid flexed his feathered back. “What we fail to protect, Captain, we will leave in ruins.”

There's a celebration called All-Species Week on Coruscant

GIMME THE HISTORY OF SPECIESISM IN THE GALAXY

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -