#and also repressed art student

[enjolraspermettendo]

Translation: me being taken away by demons because I had dirty thoughts about saint Sebastian

[cutehoons02]

Enhypen (Harry potter) Series!

Hey:) here you will find 7 one-shots autoconclusive inspired by Hogwarts with the Enhypen, they are all love stories with various spicy scenes, I hope you like the comments and rebblog are well appreciated

Sunghoon: Y/n, a cunning, spoiled, and provocative Slytherin, constantly clashes with Sunghoon, a brilliant and cynical Ravenclaw, who is irresistibly drawn to his complex personality. Despite the tension between them and their mutual attitude of defiance, an intense chemistry emerges beneath their banter. Their relationship evolves into a game of power and attraction, where provocations become a battleground, fueled by passions that are never fully expressed. Y/n, always in control, challenges Sunghoon to push past his limits, while he struggles to maintain his cool, but fails to do so completely.

Heeseung: In a hidden corner of Hogwarts, amidst laughter and tension, the shy and cynical Y/n, a brilliant Ravenclaw, finds herself trapped in a dangerous and seductive game. A chance encounter with Heeseung, the charismatic captain of Gryffindor’s Quiddich, would trigger a series of events that will involve her in a network of seduction and mystery. It all begins during an evening of "Magic Truth and Obligation", when Y/n, to avoid the humiliation of refusing an obligation, ends up being forced to spend ten minutes in a room with Heeseung, Despite her armor of cynicism and coldness, Y/n is irresistibly attracted to him, discovering new sides of herself that she never thought she would know and maybe those 10 minutes will last for hours…

Jay: Being a Gryffindor and excel in all subjects was for you a symptom of pride but there was only one subject in which you did not do well, magic against the dark arts and after failing another exam your teacher gives you a tutor as well as Jay. Jay is part of the Slytherin house and he’s a thoroughbred and to your misfortune he’s the best student in the class and you’ll have to pass under his clutches to be able to pass the next exam!

Ni-Ki: In a world where magic flows through the roots of plants and into the young hearts of Hogwarts, you were a gentle gentle Hufflepuff, bright and with the rare talent of Herbology - become the greatest temptation for a Slytherin who has always hidden his obsession behind brazen jokes and elusive glances. Ni-ki, rising star of magic basketball and boy with a turbulent soul, has always seen in you what he could not have: innocence, purity, goodness. But the more he tried to drive you away with his sarcasm, the more he wanted you. And the more he saw you smile at others, the more jealousy dug into them like a slow and unstoppable poison.

Jungwon: When your friends start to push you to find a guy or girl, you and Jungwon - both Hufflepuff, both allergic to love drama - decide to pretend to be together. A simple plan, no? Just some hand in hand, some smile accomplices in the corridors, nothing real but between innocent lies and looks that become too long, the border between fiction and desire begins to fade.

Sunoo: You were a student of Ravenclaw, known for your sharp intelligence and your cynical attitude and everyone knew you also because you were the cousin of Hoon, a popular student as well as leader of your family. When Hoon asks you to help his friend Sunoo Park, a sunny and charming Hufflepuff, prepare for the Potions exams, you reluctantly accept. During the study sessions, you and Sunoo discover an unexpected chemistry. Your opposite personalities - your coldness and its warmth - create a growing tension. While you try to keep control, Sunoo challenges you to let go, taking you to explore emotions and desires that you had always repressed.

Jake: Being Heeseung’s sister at Hogwarts has always meant only one thing: to be untouchable. No one dares to approach, no one dares to try... No one but Jake Sim, his best friend, also Gryffindor. After a summer in which everything seems changed - longer looks, more mischievous smiles - between you and Jake explodes a forbidden tension difficult to ignore. In the silence of the Common Room, between shared tasks and childish quarrels, there are stolen kisses, forbidden caresses and secret nights. Jake knows that breaking Heeseung’s trust is a mistake. You know you’re playing with fire. But when the desire is so strong that it takes your breath away, how do you stop?

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Hey, I hope you like these stories!! you can already find the stories of Sunghoon and Heeseung:)

If you want to be tagged write me your @ that when I publish one of these stories you can read them immediately!

Tell me what you would like to read more that I am very curious, comments and rebblog are appreciated XOXO KISS KISS

[mybeingthere]

Norval Morrisseau, CM (1932 – 2007), also known as Copper Thunderbird, was an Aboriginal Canadian artist. Known as the "Picasso of the North", Morrisseau created works depicting the legends of his people, the cultural and political tensions between native Canadian and European traditions, his existential struggles, and his deep spirituality and mysticism. His style is characterized by thick black outlines and bright colors. He founded the Woodlands School of Canadian art and was a prominent member of the “Indian Group of Seven”.

An Anishinaabe, he was born March 14, 1931 on the Sand Point Ojibway reserve near Beardmore, Ontario. Some sources quote him as saying that he was born in Fort William, now part of Thunder Bay, Ontario, on the same date in 1931. His full name is Jean-Baptiste Norman Henry Morrisseau, but he signs his work using the Cree syllabics writing ᐅᓵᐚᐱᐦᑯᐱᓀᐦᓯ (Ozaawaabiko-binesi, unpointed: ᐅᓴᐘᐱᑯᐱᓀᓯ, "Copper/Brass [Thunder]Bird"), as his pen-name for his Anishnaabe name ᒥᐢᒁᐱᐦᐠ ᐊᓂᒥᐦᑮ (Miskwaabik Animikii, unpointed: ᒥᐢᑿᐱᐠ ᐊᓂᒥᑭ, "Copper Thunderbird").

In accordance with Anishnaabe tradition, he was raised by his maternal grandparents. His grandfather, Moses Potan Nanakonagos, a shaman, taught him the traditions and legends of his people. His grandmother, Grace Theresa Potan Nanakonagos, was a devout Catholic and from her he learned the tenets of Christianity. The contrast between these two religious traditions became an important factor in his intellectual and artistic development.

At the age of six, he was sent to a Catholic residential school, where students were educated in the European tradition, native culture was repressed, and the use of native language was forbidden. After two years he returned home and started attending a local community school.

At the age of 19, he became very sick. He was taken to a doctor but his health kept deteriorating. Fearing for his life, his mother called a medicine-woman who performed a renaming ceremony: She gave him the new name Copper Thunderbird. According to Anishnaabe tradition, giving a powerful name to a dying person can give them new energy and save their lives. Morrisseau recovered after the ceremony and from then on always signed his works with his new name.

Morrisseau contracted tuberculosis in 1956 and was sent to Fort William Sanatorium to recover. There he met his future wife Harriet Kakegamic with whom he had seven children, Victoria, Michael, Peter, David, Lisa, Eugene, and Christian.

After being invited by Ontario Provincial Police Constable, Robert Sheppard, to meet the artist, the anthropologist Selwyn Dewdney, became an early advocate of Morrisseau's and was very interested in Morrisseau's deep knowledge of native culture and myth. Dewdney was the first to take his art to a wider public.

Jack Pollock, a Toronto art dealer, helped expose Morrisseau's art to a wider audience in the 1960s. The two initially met in 1962 while Pollock was teaching a painting workshop in Beardmore. As Pollock did not drive, Susan Ross whom Morrisseau had met in 1961 and Sheila Burnford drove Pollock to visit Morrisseau at his home to view more of his works. Immediately struck by the genius of Morrisseau's art, he immediately organized an exhibition of his work at his Toronto gallery.

This is a part of the Wikipedia article used under the Creative Commons Attribution-Sharealike 3.0 Unported License (CC-BY-SA). The full text of the article is here →

[susansontag]

my guide to lesbian anime both canonic and subtextual

(won’t include every lesbian anime ever, this is a personal list)

the canonic-gay section:

revolutionary girl utena

nothing before or since has ever done it like this. trigger warnings for everything imaginable. loads of homosexuals in this one. gender commentary, fairytale allusions, a lot of kids who are having a hard time growing up and moving beyond their pasts. sword lesbians.

flip flappers

the problematic favourite, in that there’s at least one uncomfortable sexualised shot each episode (roughly speaking; some have none and one has even more, unfortunately), so be warned. but at its heart flipflap is about repressed cocona going on adventures with outgoing and expressive papika, and their exploration of various fantastical lands/inner worlds of people they meet. hugely inventive and pretty, and a core thread is cocona discovering she’s gay.

aoi hana (‘sweet blue flowers’)

the comfort lesbian show, with not a romantic relationship at its heart, but a friendship between two childhood friends who meet again, both of whom are gay (though only one realises this during the show’s run, as it’s based on a manga). one of them dates an upperclassman at her school, and there’s various gay and bi side characters. it’s just very wholesome, lovingly animated, sweet and sometimes painful stuff.

bloom into you

I controversially do not care that much for bloom into you, but as the best, high-production, non-skeevy yuri show in years - that is based on a manga by a woman - it’s worth mentioning. late-bloomer girl dreams of romance, though has never felt it, and finds affinity with a girl who similarly is disinclined to date. that is, until said girl says she fancies her. genuinely moving exploration of developing gay identity at times, only downside is my personal disinterest in the black haired girl. some weird ‘heightened’ moments that feel inauthentic and titillating do arise, but it’s very few - to the point where some would disagree with me on my reading of it, I’d imagine.

sailor moon

the bits which the lesbians are in, etc. it’s a classic. I haven’t watched all of it myself because I don’t care much nor do I have nostalgia for sailor moon, but it’s one of the most notable examples of a butch/masc lesbian in anime, so that’s nice.

o maidens in your savage season

nerdy teenage girls who are part of a literature club make it their quest to discover sex and dating, in various ways (unfortunately, not all of them dealt with well… teacher/student foolery that is fortunately abandoned before it gets worse but is nonetheless handled with mixed results, imo). mostly though it’s hilarious, sweet, silly, and there’s a gay girl in it, but I won’t spoil which one. adults predating on children is also handled much, much better in another of the show’s storylines, and I do appreciate it for trying to tackle that difficult subject matter.

oniisama e (‘dear brother’)

an oldie, based off a shoujo manga by one of the greatest (riyoko ikeda). there’s a central relationship to root for (better articulated in the manga), but it’s mostly just what if we were messy depressed lesbians at an all-girls school and we were also melodramatic and mean as hell.

revue starlight

what if we were at an all-girls dramatic arts school and engaged in utena-like duels to become the top performer? main implicitly gay couple with canonic side gay couples. it’s quite cute. also worth watching if you like takarazuka in any way (prestigious all-female japanese theatre troupe), because the main conceit of the school is very much based on that idea.

the gay-themes section:

sound! euphonium (season one)

in which director naoko yamada’s awesome legacy of writing lesbians and then saying “who’s to say though, ha ha” continued (she did it already with a side character in tamako market). this one is known as the gaybait to end all gaybait, but hear me out: the first, and best, season, is not only a fantastic self-contained story with many great characters and plot points, but it’s main character is undoubtedly lesbian-coded and even has a love interest you can argue about. frankly I think she’s gay-coded throughout the whole show (even when she dates a guy for two minutes), but this feels very “I wanted to focus on this compelling relationship between two female characters but the adaptation’s success meant we had to revert back to the source material in later seasons”. what we got from this is perhaps my favourite lesbian anime of all-time, following utena.

a place further than the universe

this show is about four girls who join an expedition to antarctica, and what if I told you they’re all great, believable dorky teenage characters, and they exist in a well-written and thematically satisfying show… and there’s nice lesbian implication between one of our adult female protagonists and her old (deceased; not a spoiler) friend who was the main teen girl’s mother. there’s some sad here, obviously.

puella magi madoka magica

the well-known, much beloved deconstruction of the magical girl genre is also pretty gay, as it happens (so gay in fact it started a trend of gay-coded pink+black magical girls). it’s not a particular favourite of mine, but it’s visually one of the most notable anime productions ever, so it’s well worth seeing just for that.

NANA

the 2000s manga+show about the two twenty-year-olds who meet on a train and discover they’re both called nana is also pretty gay! to the point where there are heated fandom debates about nana komatsu’s (pink one) possibly being a lesbian. they both have many relationships with guys, but it’s their bond that forms the heart of the show, and the bisexuality (or, who knows, homosexuality) of the leads is pretty undeniable. to the point where you’ll get blasted on the nana subreddit if you try and suggest otherwise.

the wild-card section:

keep your hands off eizouken!

this is a show about three oddball girls who start a club to create anime, but have to pose as the film club instead for various reasons. it’s not even subtextually gay, I just personally think that all three of the leads are gay and the whole thing feels like a very female-centred creative endeavour. hugely fun watch, and very high production values. you wouldn’t regret seeing it.

skip & loafer

these two you see here are side characters. this show is actually about mitsumi, the greatest female protagonist of this kind of shoujo-esque slice of life show, who moves from the countryside to tokyo for high school. here she meets many a misfit, including the pretty blonde and the nerd girl who have undeniable chemistry and form one of the most popular pairings in the show. it’s just a good time.

chihayafuru

I’d get in trouble for this, because the primary romance factor in the show is a famed heterosexual love triangle with chihaya at its centre and her two male childhood friends at the side. but go with me on this. chihaya is oblivious to romance and feminine socialisation, she is obsessed with a card game and with her equally dorky dark-haired rival… she’s anime’s greatest autistic lesbian lead. and you get more than what you pay for, because the two boys I mentioned? a lot of gay stuff going on there too.

the big-screen-cinematic section:

the adolescence of utena

revolutionary girl returns in the sequel of a lifetime, slightly older (sixteen, say) and gayer than ever, to escape this place with the love of her life. cue the impromptu dance sequence (with stars and rose petals)!

liz and the blue bird

the naoko yamada directed gay cinematic universe continues with a gorgeous film starring two of the side characters from sound! euphonium’s second season (not necessary to watch beforehand). that means it has plausible deniability whilst being so crazily gay it’s almost some kind of joke. this is a highly detailed, laser-focused character study of two girls in their high school band club and their ever more strained relationship. yamada never misses.

the summer

this is korean! it’s about two girls who meet at school and start dating in secret, what happens as they grow up and move to seoul, and how their relationship changes and strains when met with the conservatism of contemporary korean society. it was sweet and like aoi hana above for japanese girls, felt pretty frank to the experiences I’d imagine young korean lesbians might have.

puella magi madoka magica: rebellion

if you’re a fan of the show, you probably don’t talk about this movie. sure, it’s a visual feat, sure, it’s insanely entertaining, but it’s also frustrating and upsetting and potentially undermines the neatness of the original as a perfectly-crafted story. BUT. kyouko/sayaka becomes all but canon in it, and everything else aside, that’s all that really matters. but you should definitely watch the show beforehand.

[shadowmaat]

Jedi Service Corps

The Legends-fueled propaganda of "bad students get sent to the Agricorp/Services" has always bothered me. First of all, forcing kids into a career not of their choosing isn't the best way to encourage them to perform well.

The Services in general seem to get a bad rap, and TBH it's kind of bizarre to assume that every kid who winds up being taken in by the Jedi wants to grow up to be a cop. LOL!

There is so much untapped potential being ignored, and even within the four pseudo-canon branches there's a lot to explore.

Agriculture. Farmers Without Borders. LOL! It isn't just about growing plants, it's about analyzing trends, understanding ecosystems, geology, climatology, politics, etc. There's mechanical engineering so you know how to fix the machines that do the hardest labor (often illegally, given corporate software locks and so forth). Probably a lot of fiddly stuff with plant genetics, too, given similar issues with seed corporations.

Being Jedi, I'm sure they're also aware of the need to include "ornamental" plants to help with the emotional welfare of hurting/devastated populations.

Education. This field must be fucking wild. Sure, you have your future creche masters and archivists, but I imagine there are those who do public outreach, too, and go to schools to teach kids about what the Jedi do beyond waving laser swords. There's probably also a need for teachers in isolated/rural areas to help with basic things like reading, writing, and maths. Ditto areas devastated by wars and natural disasters, where kids need a safe distraction from trauma. I bet Educorp and Agricorp team up more often than people might think.

There's also the sheer variety of topics. Even something basic like history will have a wide net. Galactic history, region-specific, planetary, etc. And then there's the arts. Music, singing, dance, physical media, holo media, theatre, and so much more. There will be differences between species, understanding what they need to know, how they learn best, and what their aging process is like. Teachers to cover the full range of mortal maturity, from teaching toddlers to old-timers. And don't get me started on teaching "forbidden" topics in repressive communities.

Medical. LOL. Every. Single. Species. And often subtypes between them. So many specialists needed. And again, you probably have a number that specialize in helping in disaster areas. Hello, Educorp, let's help teach these people how to best care for themselves. Maybe Agricorp can help with showing folks how to purify their air and water. There must be SO many diseases, some of which have inoculations and so that don't. And again, figuring ways to smuggle medicine and supplies to those who need it despite the extortionist rates corporations charge. Repairing faulty equipment, finding work-arounds when the parts aren't there. Triage. Using the Force to help heal is all well and good, but sometimes they still have to get hands-on.

Even with non-emergency stuff, I imagine they're still kept busy. The idea of a Jedi "country doctor" settled in some remote area sounds delightful. Communities that get "lost" in the shuffle or otherwise overlooked. Veterinary medicine as a sub-specialty.

Jedi having a special "knack" for determining what's wrong with someone, finding early warning signs before it's too late, etc. Comforting the dying. Comforting the survivors. ALL the mental health stuff and neurodivergence.

Exploration. Jedi Starfleet. LOL! It isn't all about discovering new worlds, though. Sometimes it's rediscovering planets and cultures that have been forgotten. Charting new hyperlane routes and hoping the end doesn't pop you out in the middle of a star.

I betcha you could fold so many things into this one. Botany. Archaeology. Xenoanthropology. Medicine, of course, since new worlds/people means new poisons, venoms, and diseases. New or ancient languages? It'd help to have someone around who could work on translating. Diplomats to help you talk to people. Geologists. Zoologists. A bit of everything.

Sure, there'd be room for solo missions, but I imagine there'd be bigger ships that they'd launch from. A place to come back to so the brains can pore over everything you brought back and see what they can determine from it. And big ships (or any ships really) means pilots, engineers, general crew, logistics, and all those fun things.

Anyway, I can see plenty of room for additional corps, too, but of the ones that get mentioned in Legends there's still a huge playing field.

[class1akids]

Was the ending of MhA as a whole well received by fans?

Which ending?

When the WSJ serialisation ended with Ch 430 back in August, there were split opinions:

Villain fans already lost hope for the series after 419, and 430 didn't improve their opinion.

Shipping community was split: BKDKs were happy, IzuOchas were disappointed

Deku fans - especially the dudebros for whom he was a power fantasy - were pissed because Deku didn't become the greatest hero, didn't get the girl, was not happy as a teacher and was given a pity suit by his childhood bully. Cue the endless Cuck memes.

IzuOchas and Ochako fans were disappointed since her character got no conclusion about her repressed feelings.

Shouto fans were torn as the one panel showing Shouto being the highest ranked Class A student and not being referred to as Endeavor's son was generally a "good ending" for him, but it happened so much on the margins and didn't really address anything about his family. Also we were left in the dark about Touya

Rest of the fandom was probably just disappointed that the timeskip had so little on the main cast, most of them not even getting speaking lines or the kind of things we wanted to see more of just weren't portrayed.

I think overall, people thought it was a "serviceable ending" but that it was really not great for the MC.

Then 431 hit 5 months later, in which I believe Horikoshi tried to fix the criticism over Deku's ending, but then ended up alienating other parts of fandom:

BKDKs - the biggest spenders of the franchise- absolutely crushed not just for IzuOcha becoming canon, but also because of the rejected Wonder Duo agency. Also Bakugou's low ranking and the lack of depiction of their special bond really rattled Bakugou fans whether they were shippers or not

It gave a bit of extra feel-good content for Shouto and it was nice, but it also confirmed Touya's off-screened death, which I think left Shouto fandom split. Not to mention, a significant part of Shouto-fandom was not wild about Shouto's post-time skip design

Deku fans - the dudebro portion - was happy that at least he got the girl. Others felt that his inner fire was gone. A lot of the Japanese fandom started to see him as a "middle aged salaryman" and "weekend hero" who didn't fulfil at all the promise he made in Ch 1.

I guess IzuOchas and Ochako fans were happy, since she was de facto the main character of this chapter and Hori put a lot of effort into beautifying and praising her.

TogaChakos were not happy though to have Toga be used to push forward a hetero couple.

Fans of other characters were just disappointed for the lack of focus (many people said that not having All Might in the last chapter was awful).

The worldbuilding is also not well-received. Having hero profession be a dying species is just not an interesting setting and contradicts almost everything that the series built before.

The initial sales numbers were great though. I think it's multiple factors:

The color art bonuses for the 3 overwhelmingly most popular characters created a huge secondary market for the illustrations. Fans and resellers both got multiple copies.

Japanese fans don't interact with spoilers and many of them went blind into the volume for the new content.

It's the final volume - so people will collect it anyways.

But the reprint - without the bonus and now the contents widely known - is not selling really. The volume sales plateaued after the initial excitement.

There is also a diminishing number of engagement across the official sites. Most Japanese fans will not complain openly, but will just leave quietly.

For example, the exhibition visual only got 140K lines on over 6M views, despite featuring multiple characters and having been retweeted by Horikoshi, with his over 3M follower account. In comparison, the initial visual with just Deku and Tomura that was released before Vol 42 had 178K likes.

The engagement numbers of both the anime and manga account on Twitter also went down, and a lot of merch is visibly not selling as well as in the past.

For example:

The Valentine's day BKDK stickers still haven't sold out.

The new Top10 fantasy art didn't sell out, not even for the main character, not even the fan service BKDK combo

Many fans are resentful that Uraraka was put in the center of the exhibition visual and of the Anime Japan as the face of the franchise instead of the MC which meant that MHA didn't make it onto the main visual this time.

People feel that the ending is there only to cater for Uraraka fans and nobody else and it makes people not look forward to the fanbook (including the new chapter) and the art exhibition so much.

It's also a bizarre choice by the anime / manga merch committee, considering she doesn't sell that well.

For example, her merch in the new blind merch Hero badges where 1 pull costs around 6.50 euros sells well below the base price, while Bakugou sells 4-5x the price.

or the swaddling charms sold as blind merch at 2 euros a try also selling Uraraka at a discount and often have to be bundled with popular characters to get rid of the merch

So I think the reception in fandom was definitely very mixed, and most importantly it alienated important parts of the fandom - the ones paying for merch and attending events - which for now looks like an overall reduction in interest and a decline of merch sales.

Making Uraraka the "main character of the epilogue" has created a situation where one of the worst sellers in terms of market value is now used as the face of the franchise both by the manga and anime and it's something that many fans who stuck around for 10 years supporting the manga are increasingly resentful about.

I think the dudebro community is overall positive and the animation fans will keep hyping the series, but they don't tend to be the ones paying for goods or legal content.

How it will impact the franchise on the long-term is hard to say. Vigilante on Twitter is not getting a lot of the engagement, but on YouTube, the trailer has good number of views and on Reddit there is excitement about it. If it gets a strong viewership, it may turn things around. But there is a lot of competition with new, fresh anime that are strong.

And I think a lot will also depend on what Horikoshi will do with the fanbook and the exhibition. Whether he will continue the trend of drawing what pleases him personally, or whether he will consider his fanbase and try to lure them back with content geared towards them.

[s-aint-elmo]

*twirling my hair* do you have some good yuri manga recs?

(lying on my stomach and kicking my feet) i'm SO glad you asked!

to preface this i'll be excluding better-known yuri or yuri that's recently gotten its flowers (whether thru virality or adaptations) (e.g. in love with the villainess, love bullet, bloom into you, etc. etc.) and will instead be recc'ing works i don't often encounter in the wild. some will be more well-known than others, but all of these i've enjoyed and would encourage others to check out! under the cut because. this got. so long. i heart yuri <3

multi-chapter

the princess of sylph (ongoing; self-publishing): plot-heavy fantasy yuri between a bereaved princess with the aura of a thousand sad hamsters and a persistent nun whose silliness conceals a deep well of trauma. gushed about it plenty here. i recommend starting with the serialized version, the proceeding to the twitter version + extras. cw: blood, violence, dismemberment (nothing too graphic, more standard monster-fighting fare).

i love amy (completed): school loner strikes an unlikely friendship with the girl known (and feared) for her violent tendencies and single-minded obsession with the school prince. cute but striking and skilled art with a surprisingly nuanced handling of trauma and neurodivergence. cw: attempted child murder, animal death (non-graphic). there are also depictions of standard yandere fare (kidnapping, torture basements) but they're always presented comedically.

i see you, aizawa-san! (ongoing): girl who steadfastly pretends not to see ghosts meets one she just can't seem to ignore: a deceased classmate and former j-pop idol, who has taken to haunting their classroom. ft. art that harkens back to classic shoujo and a supernatural mystery centred on the relationship between the two leads--that one of them can't seem to remember. cw: blood, body horror.

school zone girls (on hiatus): slice of life yuri comedy ft. a massive interconnected web of girls spanning at least three schools. it juggles gut-busting comedy with genuine heartfelt moments of character growth and connection and expresses it all through a solid, dynamic art style. the sprawling cast also makes for incredible outsider pov moments that lets us really appreciate how far some characters have gotten. this genuinely motivated me to revamp how i approached ensemble casts for my ocs.

brides of iberis (completed): wedding planner unenthusiastic about her engagement falls in love with a bride she's taken as a client. bittersweet but deeply loving; and so compassionate to each and every character, even the men the female leads have relationships with. cw: infidelity.

destroy it all and love me in hell! (ongoing): model student finds her miserable, tightly controlled life unraveling after being blackmailed by the class truant into indulging her ugliest impulses. toxic yuri extravaganza eleganza between two girls desperate for escape and the catharsis of fucking! shit! up!!! also hits that sweet sweet "love triangle as a conflict of ideals" beat. cw: blackmail, coercion, bullying, violence, emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, adult/minor relationship.

yuri is forbidden for the yuri otaku (completed): passionate himejoshi enrolls in an all-girls private school to observe class s yuri in action, but never to engage in it herself--at least, until a misunderstanding wins her the resident gyaru's heart. a surprisingly poignant exploration of being queer in a repressive society and experiencing your queerness through the safety of unobtainable fantasy.

the superstar idol crushes on me today too (ongoing): failed idol-slash-middling radio personality finds an unwanted superfan in the country's biggest superstar. explores the merit of pursuing your artistic passions in the face of repeated failure, and what makes an emotional anchor in the fraught seas of showbiz. they are also just so so funny. what if i emphatically declare you my rival in show business but you've been in love with me since you saw me in a cooking show as a child actor and you take any excuse to spend time with me and have my attention with blinding enthusiasm

normality and monsters (ongoing): outcast weirdo witnesses the class idol devour their homeroom teacher in one bite and begs to be trained in the art of appearing normal. the art is snappy and charismatic, the monster design is properly grotesque, and the friendship of convenience between the two leads teeters between overcoming the monster's nature and just being a prelude to the monster acquiring a new meatsuit. cw: blood, gore, death, body horror.

a monster wants to eat me (ongoing): suicidal girl meets carnivore mermaid who promises to eat her if she develops a desire to live. it's been a while since i read this one, but the monster designs are once again sick as fuck and the drama of being cared for by a creature that finds you tantalizing is sooo juicy. cw: suicidal ideation, blood, gore, violence, body horror.

liar satsuki can see death (completed): high schooler who can see corpses before the death occurs strives to save as many lives as possible despite being branded a liar by the entire student body. this and ryouko's other manga, a walk to death, are pretty banging declarations on the value of living ironically (or maybe aptly) wrapped in so much death. blanket cw for blood, gore and death bc i tell you every mini-arc somebody dies in a fun new way and we'd be here all day if we listed them out.

anthology:

i'm the villainess but i'm being captured by the heroine?!: an anthology featuring heroines of otome games swerving hard and sweeping the villainess off her feet. i am such a sucker for villainess yuri. mean women forever. my favourite chapters are vol. 1 ch.1 and vol. 2 chs. 1 and 4.

honourable mentions:

my idol sits the next desk over! (completed): loner idol otaku ends up deskmates with her oshi and between jealous sabotage from a rival stan and the herculean task of acting normal around your fave, lands herself in the first and closest friend group of her life. one girl does explicitly have romantic feelings for another girl, but i bumped it down here because it isn't explored to the extent it could have been. it felt like it was setting up a slow burn only to end abruptly. do not recommend if you want a love story, do recommend if you want lonely people forging deep and enduring bonds of friendship.

the one within the villainess (ongoing): the villainess of an otome game reawakens for her condemnation and sets off on a path of vengeance for the sake of the beloved transmigrator who's occupied her body for years. it's ostensibly het, but to hear the way that the villainess speaks of her transmigrator, the first person to love her wholeheartedly and wish for her happiness and so inadvertently prevent her from becoming the hollow bitter woman she originally grew into...... like. that is yuri. like what if i knew your life in its entirety and loved you for it and i found myself in the position to give you the happiness i always wished for you to have. what if we wrote fix-it fic for each other on the fabric of the universe. what if we never even had a conversation but we knew each other the best and loved each other most. and we were both girls. do you understand why i'm insane about them. cw: blood, gore, violence.

[doisensei]

trans woman doi... again!

i've already made a post about this headcanon, but i wanted to revisit it to articulate my thoughts a little better. i will be referencing extra material, like tsudoi and the stageplays. i may edit this at a later date if i can think of any more points.

as always, this is just for fun! don't take it too seriously. i hope you enjoy! i'd love to hear people's thoughts about hanko-chan.

crossdressing

there are only a handful of characters that have a strong hesitation / resistance to crossdressing, doi being one of them, and... you have to wonder why, right? doi doesn't have any issues with passing as a woman as hanko, so what's really the problem? you could easily reason it's just something he doesn't care for, but if it's something he's so against, like eating fish cakes, he just wouldn't do it at all. doi has his childish moments, and this easily could be another, but... it's interesting how he ends up presenting himself once he does put a kosode on.

( eps: 30-11, 28-10 )

…doesn’t seem so against it now, huh.

crossdressing in nintama is seen as an art in itself. it isn't just a matter of having long hair and wearing makeup, as illustrated by some... less successful attempts at it. like any skill, you have to hone it! which is why it's interesting that feminine mannerisms seem to come easily once hanko is in the picture. we can assume either that it is something doi has practiced extensively before, or it comes to him naturally. either one is good.

in regards to physical appearances, it's established that doi doesn't dedicate a lot of time to cleanliness. his room is a fucking mess. his clothes are always wrinkled. his hair is damaged. but, again, as hanko, he really values looking pretty! the difference in the way he presents masculine versus feminine really intrigues me. little regard vs genuine enthusiasm...

( eps: 32-60, 30-11 )

i like this line from the 1996 movie because i think it's got a fun 2nd meaning if you see it from a slightly different angle-- hanko isn't denying womanhood outright, it's more of a dig on her age. she's not an obaasan, she's an oneesan, get it right!!!

( eps: 1996 movie )

speaking of earlier seasons, it's been interesting seeing hanko's design changes over the years. it's nothing super important to note, but just as doi's personality has changed to be gentler (though still scolding), hanko has grown more feminine.

( eps: 1-9, 13-2, 28-10 )

i like to imagine doi's tsundere-ness to crossdressing is more repression than actual disdain. doi is a very self-sacrificial character, and i think he would prolong his happiness if it meant keeping up the image of a reliable, older brother/teacher figure for his students. the guilt of preferring women's clothes paired with his apathy of men's clothes manifesting as neglecting self care... doi-sensei!!!!!!!

names

it's established in rookie that "doi hansuke" is not doi's birth name. in ninmyu 12 he's given the name "yogiri" while in his former ninja squad. doi taking on a new name make sense given his circumstances, but, conceptually, abandoning a name that doesn't serve you anymore plus the euphoria of finding one that's right is incredibly transgender. the "han" of hansuke, meaning half, symbolic of how much still has to grow, and maybe that extends to discovering things about himself, too. a bleak life rife with tragedy and violence, it makes sense that doi wouldn't know the kind of person he was outside of being a ninja.

after consulting my good very smart friend duck, doi's last name appears to be a topographical name. they came up with the idea that since doi is trying to lay low, it would make sense for his last name to be from a location rather than anything pointedly identifying. the kanji in doi, "earth" and "well" also evoke some images of support and life. someone who is grounding and providing... it very much suits him! this tweet also notes that "tenki" and "yogiri" have kanji that suggest intangible concepts, "heaven" and "fog" respectively, and it's only with "doi" that he has a name based on something concrete.

i like the idea of doi honoring denzou naming her, keeping "han" as a keepsake of her new beginnings, and choosing to live as hanko.

nurturer

in 19-90, one of my favorite episodes, it gives a glimpse of how much doi and kirimaru mean to each other. the neighborhood lady and landlord gossip over their relation, whether they’re siblings or parent and child, and kirimaru denies both. to me, doi encompasses both roles, the playfulness of an older brother, the guidance of a father, and i don’t think it’s too off base to assume doi fulfills traits commonly attributed to motherhood, too. gentle scolding, loving honesty, warm affection, that sort of thing!

i wrote about doi's natural affinity with caring for children here, but i wanted to dive a little deeper. it's pretty obvious that after five years of teaching, he's gotten used to taking care of kids, but that child rearing also extends to babies, too! kirimaru has doi help out with his part-time jobs frequently, babysitting included, and doi is really, really good at taking care of babies. don't believe me? hear it from kirimaru.

( eps: 23-51 ) look how sad she is when she has to give the baby up. i'm gonna die.

in my previous post, i talked about how easily doi would be able to settle down with a family. a wife and kids of his own, isn't that what he would want? in tsudoi, amako-sensei states that after 1-ha graduate, doi retires and opens up an orphanage. kirimaru comes by to help out. rikichi drops his own baby off. (crazy.) and while this isn't concretely canon, i see it very fitting for doi's character arc. teaching brings him a lot of joy, obviously, but considering how worried sick he gets of his students, it makes sense he would want to find another way to give back the kindness he's received in a less sending-children-off-to-war kind of way. doi values childhood, his own was cut very short. to care for children without families would bring him a lot of fulfillment.

what does this have to do with gender? well. it doesn't have to! but i just find it curious that doi doesn't seem interested in marriage or having biological children. he could just be happier single, or, in my mind, maybe there's no use in having biological children if it's not the way he really wants. doi longing to be a mother, but he doesn't have the body to carry or birth a child... we have to make womb transplants possible in the sengoku period.

movie 3 spoilers below

after my watch (and few consecutive rewatches) of the third movie, i wanted to jot down a few things i thought were fun in this section, too.

what kicks off the main events of the third movie is the fight between sonnamon and doi, in which sonnamon ends up 'winning' because doi is thrown off a cliff, thus making him vulnerable to dokutake's brainwashing (sexy). i find the circumstances of this to be very fun to examine in a gender lens. throughout the course of the fight, doi is for the most part on the defense, while sonnamon is aggressively on the offense. it's cute how doi humors him, almost treating sonnamon like a child in the playful, scolding way he handles sonnamon's obsession attacks.

there is one moment where doi does become forceful, though, and it's when sonnamon's movements threaten the safety of a bird's nest. the mother bird, pictured below, also doesn't reveal herself until she realizes the danger her babies are in. i find it incredibly fitting that the bird and doi seem to mirror each other, both devoted and only provoked when it comes to protecting their children. this comes up again at doi's light threat to happousai after he regains his memory. doi loves her babies don't fuck around too much.

( 2024 movie. )

speaking of, and i'll try to keep this brief since i want to write a full review of the movie someday, tenki is a peek at a doi without the warmth, kindness, and love of the yamadas, his students, and, of course, kirimaru. tenki is cold and calculated, yet devoted to maintaining peace. he wants to prevent the tragedy in his childhood from happening to anyone else. despite tenki's violence, his motivations are rooted in kindness and empathy, though misguided due to dokutake's true ambitions.

( 2024 movie. )

but such a narrow path is a very empty way to live, and it's clear that tenki's happiness is pushed aside for the 'greater good.' a very huge stretch here, stay with me on this one, but something that comes to mind is how some trans people will put aside their want to transition because it seems so far from reach. unrealistic or inconvenient to people around them. it's easier to do the 'right thing.' the familiar light in doi's eyes only returns once he remembers the bonds he's formed, and that despite how cruel the world can be, there's a lot of love to give and receive, too. hardships and joy go hand in hand, and i think that's very relevant to being trans, too. all to say, doi's heart is warm and big enough to care for any child in need, and i couldn't imagine a life where she isn't surrounded by babies.

( 2024 movie. )

let's glow serenely with mama.

misc

these will be little points that don't really fit in with other categories.

in ninmyu 12, when doi is describing his own image of a peaceful scenery, he uses the lyrics, "swaying a flower basket in her hand, with a smile on her face, a maiden joyfully gathers mugwort." curious.

in an interview about the design of the tenohira tenki figure, the sculptor noted that tenki's outfit is reminiscent of yamabushi... as well as binan-kazura. binan-kazura's were men playing female roles in kyogen. curious.

all credit to jellyfishlover on dreamwidth for this (who wrote a lovely review of the 3rd movie, go check it out!)-- if we assume tenki is what doi would be like without the influence of the yamadas, kirimaru, and the rest of his students, it's fair to assume that deep, monotone timbre might be closer to his natural voice, and he may be pitching his voice up. curious.

my good very smart friend azul brought up the fantastic point that the first person to recognize doi's potential as a caretaker was another woman, rikichi's mother. curious.

( eps: 30-35. )

[akaiitwki]

More traumatized middle aged man art!

TRIGGER WARNING for minor blood, discussion of trauma and mental illness

And a Perfect Blue reference

Random rambling about this drawing below, if you're interested.

Going more in deept about Avalon's trauma.

Disclaimer: I'm avoiding saying names of specific mental illnesses and instead just saying single symptoms for the sake of avoiding causing stigma or mischaracterization of those mental illnesses, the interpretation it's up to the reader.

Avalon's life before Shadowhaunt was really simple and bright for him, since his duty as a Paladin was always to bring hope and light to those who needed it, he firmly believed that hope always defeated the darkness. Shadowhaunt and Darkar made him doubt his most primal beliefs.

The blood here it's just symbolic, it's not really there. he's just stabing a pillow with a pen, angry with himself by the fact he couldn't stop the clone nor Darkar himself, and in general feeling utter disgust for how the clone manipulated (and behaved, specially with) Bloom and everyone.

He also has night terrors and flashbacks to single moments from his time in Shadowhaunt, as his mind repressed some memories for his sake.

Darkar tore off his wings, he knows it, even if he doesn't remember it very well.

On top of that he has to deal with auditory hallucinations (usually in moments of high stress) and a degree of depersonalization.

When he started teaching he didn't want to present himself as "charming" at all, so he took a more apathetic approach based on memorizing information rather than his personal method of teaching. which made him feel just as fake as his impostor (in addition to the fact that the students performed better with the impostor than with him)

On the outside he's friendly but reserved, not wanting to cause trouble for others and keeping his problems for himself.

Basically, this man it's broken from the inside, and it will take a ton of time of therapy and having good people around him to reach a better point.

[thebestofoneshots]

i LIVE for repressed Remus and finally getting him to cave. you write it so well!!!

TBH the reason No Sweeter Innosence Than Our Gentle Sin exists is becasue I'm also s succer for repressed Remus. There's just something about it that just, uffff...

If you haven't read this, I'd recommend reading some of my other stuff with repressed Remus:

Tuches ♡

Inspired by the sense of touch, this fic tells the story of Remus being absolutely head over heels for you and his obsession with a particular picture of you in a sundress. A picture, that unleashes his most lecherous, and debaucherous self.

Renegades ♡

As a part of the Maraudween Series, this fic takes you to an Alternate Universe where Remus Lupin is the Sheriff of Moonridge and you’re an outlaw he’s bound to chase after, but there’s a catch, you knew each other in the past, and the tension between the two is palpable, to say the least.

No Sweeter Innosence Than Our Gentle Sin ♡

You did not want to go to church that day, but your spirits are uplifted when you meet Father Remus, and your mind starts creating a mischievous scheme, to both retaliate over those years of being forced to go and take something from them. Alternatively, R is really mad at the church and decides to steal one of their priests for it (but also kind of falls for him).

A little Bit of Paint ♡

Sirius and you are art students and you’ve got an assignment, a nude painting, but you can’t paint each other. Trying to convict Remus to model for you was hard enough, but painting him, while he looks so damn stunning, might prove a harder endeavour to accomplish.

Have fun reading!

[touchtillivomit]

my opinion on some of my fave films !

dead poets society :

dead poets society is a film that resonates with the fierce longing for individuality, freedom, and the courage to challenge societal expectations. set in an all-boys prep school in the 1950s, it follows the lives of a group of students who are deeply shaped by the rigid, traditional world around them. into this structured existence enters john keating, an unconventional and passionate teacher who awakens something inside his students—an invitation to think for themselves, to embrace the poetry of life, and to seek their own path, no matter the cost. the beauty of the film lies in its exploration of the tension between conformity and the desire to break free, embodied in the figure of keating, who teaches his students to "seize the day" (carpe diem) and embrace the present. through his lessons, he challenges the young men to look beyond the confines of their textbooks and to see the world as a place filled with possibility, beauty, and rebellion. his influence is magnetic, encouraging them to explore the depths of their emotions, to question authority, and to find their own voice amidst a world that would rather silence them. yet, the film also delves deeply into the heartbreaking consequences of this awakening. as the students start to embrace the ideals of keating’s teaching, they begin to clash with the deeply entrenched values of their families and the institution. the conflict between personal freedom and societal expectations becomes a painful and often dangerous struggle. the heartbreak in dead poets society is not just in the tragic events that unfold, but in the realization that true change often comes at a cost—whether it’s the loss of relationships, the crushing weight of disappointment, or the ultimate sacrifice of a life unfulfilled. the characters, particularly neil, & todd represent different facets of the struggle to break free from the expectations placed upon them. neil’s intense desire to pursue his passion for acting and escape his controlling father becomes the focal point of the film’s emotional weight, highlighting the devastating effects of repression and the longing to live authentically. todd’s journey is one of self-discovery, finding his voice in a world that has silenced him, while knox pursues a forbidden love, exemplifying the tension between following one’s heart and the societal norms that threaten to hold him back. dead poets society is a film about the transformative power of art, the importance of individuality, and the tragic beauty of following one’s own path. it is a reminder of the ways in which society seeks to mold us, often at the expense of our true selves, and the profound cost of finding the courage to resist. the film’s themes of freedom, youth, and the eternal struggle between passion and responsibility are underscored by its powerful performances, especially robin williams' portrayal of keating, whose presence serves as a beacon of light in the darkness of conformity. in the end, the film speaks to the quiet rebellion that lives within us all, urging us to live deeply, to love fiercely, and to dare to "stand on our desks" and view the world from a different perspective—before it’s too late.

call me by your name :

call me by your name is a film that embodies the poetry of love in its most tender and devastating form. set against the sun-soaked landscapes of northern italy, the film captures the raw, fleeting nature of a summer romance between elio, a young, introspective boy, and oliver, an older, confident graduate student staying with elio’s family. their relationship blooms in a quiet, almost languid way, marked by stolen glances and slow-building tension, each moment brimming with the intensity of unspoken desire. the film’s beauty lies in its ability to convey the language of longing without needing to speak it aloud. the camera lingers on small gestures—the touch of a hand, the shift of a gaze, the way elio and oliver's bodies move in close proximity—and in these moments, we feel the ache of a love that is as much about what’s unsaid as it is about the words they do speak. director luca guadagnino uses light, sound, and movement to immerse the viewer in the delicate, almost ethereal quality of their connection. the film’s score, with its hauntingly beautiful music, becomes a reflection of the love that builds between them, a melody that haunts long after the credits roll. the heartbreak comes not just in the eventual separation, but in the understanding that what they shared was always destined to be temporary. the film poignantly explores the idea of love that burns brightly and intensely, but is also ephemeral, fading as quickly as it arrived. oliver and elio's love is marked by a profound knowing—each moment they share is precious because they both know it cannot last forever. in the final scenes, the quiet devastation of their parting is palpable. elio’s grief is raw and aching, a beautiful, painful reminder of how deeply love can affect us, even if it is not meant to endure. call me by your name is a meditation on the bittersweet nature of love—how it can elevate us to the highest heights, only to leave us heartbroken and changed forever. it is about the beauty of youth, the vulnerability of being open to someone else, and the realization that some loves are not meant to stay with us, but rather, are meant to shape us in ways we never expected. it is a film that lingers in the heart, a poignant reflection on the ways love and loss are intertwined, forever captured in the golden haze of a summer that will never be repeated.

bones and all :

bones and all is an achingly poetic exploration of love, identity, and the monstrous hunger that lives within. at its core lies maren, a young woman whose life has been shaped by an unrelenting appetite—not just for connection, but for flesh. born a cannibal, maren struggles with the shame and isolation that her nature imposes, forced to leave behind everything and everyone she touches. her hunger is both a curse and a necessity, an act of survival that consumes her emotionally as much as it does physically. when she meets lee, a fellow eater burdened with his own scars, maren begins to understand that she is not alone in her darkness. together, they traverse the desolate backroads of america, seeking answers and a sense of belonging in a world that has rejected them. their shared cannibalism becomes a grotesque but undeniable bond, a manifestation of their inner turmoil and the secret they must carry together. every meal they share is a paradox—an act of survival that deepens their shame while simultaneously tying them closer to one another. the story does not shy away from the horrors of their condition. the act of consuming human flesh is presented with visceral, unflinching detail, making it impossible to ignore the grotesque reality of their lives. yet, within that darkness, there is tenderness—a yearning for redemption and the hope that love can bloom even among the ruins of their humanity. bones and all forces us to confront the line between the monstrous and the human, asking whether we are defined by our worst impulses or by our capacity for connection and love. it is a brutal yet strangely beautiful tale, a reminder that even in the depths of horror, the hunger for love and acceptance remains universal. the cannibalism, raw and unflinching, becomes both metaphor and reality—a physical manifestation of the lengths we go to fill the emptiness inside.

the perks of being a wallflower :

the perks of being a wallflower is a poignant, heartfelt exploration of the complexities of adolescence, identity, and the quiet struggles that shape us. through the eyes of charlie, a shy, introspective teenager, the film captures the raw and often overwhelming experience of navigating the turbulence of growing up. as charlie enters high school, he finds himself caught between the darkness of his past and the hope of finding true connection in the present. the beauty of the film lies in its ability to convey the overwhelming feeling of being an outsider, of searching for a place where you truly belong. charlie’s journey is not just about friendship and first love; it is about the painful, sometimes difficult process of understanding who you are and coming to terms with your past. his connection with sam and patrick, two misfit siblings, becomes his lifeline, offering him a sense of community and acceptance he has long been missing. together, they share moments of pure joy, but also moments of vulnerability and pain, each of them wrestling with their own hidden scars. at its core, the perks of being a wallflower is a film about finding the courage to feel, to embrace the moments of happiness and heartache that shape us. charlie’s relationships with sam and patrick are filled with tenderness, the kind of deep, unspoken understanding that only true friendship can bring. sam, with her free-spirited charm, and patrick, with his bold yet tender heart, offer charlie something he has never had—people who see him for who he truly is, beyond his quiet demeanor and past trauma. their connection is a quiet kind of poetry, built on moments of laughter, shared secrets, and the freedom of being loved for exactly who you are. the heartbreak in the film comes not just from charlie’s struggles with his own inner demons, but from the painful realization that growing up often means confronting parts of yourself that are hard to face. charlie’s past is marked by deep trauma, and his journey toward healing is messy, imperfect, and full of setbacks. yet, through the love and support of his friends, he begins to understand that it is okay to feel broken, to not have everything figured out. the film’s closing moments, with charlie’s emotional breakthrough, are a quiet reminder that while we may never fully heal from all of our wounds, the love and acceptance we find along the way can help us move forward. the perks of being a wallflower is a celebration of the messy beauty of being human—of the friendships that save us, the first loves that change us, and the heartaches that shape us. it is a reminder that we are all just trying to find our place in the world, and sometimes, the most important thing we can do is to allow ourselves to truly feel—no matter how painful, no matter how fleeting. the film captures the bittersweetness of youth, of being on the cusp of something more, and of learning that the only way to really live is to embrace the joy and the heartbreak that come with it.

Pt 1 !

[incorrect-gravescest]

What’s your take on a gravescest personality swap au?

I enjoy the concept, but most of the art from it has a tendency to show Reversed!Andrew as too rapey for my tastes. My ideal Reversed Aesthetic is Slacker Andrew who always seems to get by in life despite minimum effort and anal retentive, Type A personality Ashley. Reversed!Ashley was the straight A student, always honor roll, always perfect attendance and Andrew was the one who passed with Cs and Ds.

The struggle is not only about Ashley's repressed sexual and romantic attraction for her brother (She has a boyfriend, Jules, you guys! There's no way she could possibly be in love with her brother!) but also because deep down inside, she's envious of his lifestyle and wants to be a "bad girl" for once in her life.

That's why when she finally caves and sleeps with Andrew, it's not just being able to embrace those feelings for him that makes her so happy, but also because she did something "bad" and she's no longer the goody-two-shoes she'd always been.

[popponn]

coincidences and flickers.

ii - blank papers.

notes: fem!burnout artist!reader x pro-player!isagi yoichi ; pro player / post canon au ; self-depreciating thoughts towards one's own work ; fluff, with slight angst (burnout) with a happy ending (a slight hurt/comfort) ; unreliable narrator. a.n. at the end; f!reader but could be read as gn.

summary: you never thought you would find yourself next to isagi yoichi again. yet, like a deja vu, it happened once more.

prev. ; series masterlist. ; next

Going outside, viewing a bright cheerful day filled with fresh air and sounds of laughter around you, several sayings crossed your mind before you finally stopped yourself upon a cafe. Sitting on one of the bar stools and facing yourself towards the people who passed by you from beyond the window, you sat quietly.

The first comment came from yourself, heavily uttered out in your mind, it said, “Ah. Shit. It’s going nowhere.”

Right in front of you, beside a half-empty cup of coffee, was your opened sketchbook filled with unfinished scribbles all over. In some parts, there were hastily drawn squares that illustrated the canvases you would use for your work. Inside those squares were sketches no longer visible, most of their parts were crossed out almost violently under a tangled mess of scratchy lines. Looking at this without your pencil touching the paper, you just wanted to slump down right on top of the table. Thankfully, however, you still remembered what it meant to be appropriate in the middle of a crowded public place.

The second was not quite a comment, actually. It was part of an old professor’s lecture from your student days, a memory that had aged by a few years already. It was said in an empty hall that would soon be used to exhibit students’ works within a few months, right in front of said students. Your professor resembled a smirking, merciless wolf ready to ruin and devour as he stood upright, dressed in black that was more suitable for a funeral than a class.

“The theme is ‘beauty’. Please remember to make it a worthwhile piece. Of course, how you interpret those themes is up in your decisions and angles,” he said. Somehow, those motivating words felt haunting. You remembered how most students paled as the tongue that had ruined so much self-esteem during its career as both a critique and a teacher went on.

“Feel free to show off with size and numbers as much as your space and creativity allow it. I do have high hopes for each of you. After all, ‘beauty’ is one of the most attractive things for an artist, no?”

—sitting at the cafe, years after graduation and even more after that exhibition, you could hardly remember what you drew. Did that professor also leave a scathing so bad your memory repressed it?

Then, the third comment came in the form of your friend, a few glasses behind from being a blackout drunk, but certainly a few glasses too much to still have a filter placed on his mouth. A thick accent laced his slurred voice as he continued his supposed lecture about art and career. “Don’t you get it?! We are artists, but we are human too! Love what you make everyone!!!” he said passionately while standing on top of the restaurant table half naked, his cartoon t-shirt nowhere in sight.

Everyone, just as drunk or a bit less, cheered and agreed with him simultaneously. The stench of fellow art graduates and victims of capitalism’s passions, or perhaps repressed stress, filled the room. From your seat, as the unfortunate yet responsible sober friend of that night’s reunion—chosen via a rigged game of rock paper scissors—could only watch in amusement. Shouting again, your friend stated, “Art is rooted in our emotions as a human! It’s the heart—the heart! Don’t forget that! Express yourself!!!”

Afterward, it spiraled down into even more of a jumbled oration that you couldn’t quite remember. But, certainly, you would wonder if your current self was the one seated there that night. What would this version of you think of those sentences?

Your answer came immediately in the form of a scoff that escaped your mouth bitterly.

“Beautiful things, love, and emotion… huh?” you repeated while staring down at your sketchbook once again. Letting go of your pencil, you buried your face in your palms,“…what am I doing right now then?”

Is there a point for an ‘artist’ who felt nothing when doing something they were supposed to feel so much emotion for?

Is it even okay for someone to make something even when it is not even worthwhile?

“Ugh,” you groaned hoarsely into your hand. Lifting up your face you heaved out one long sigh. As of the moment, you should try again to brainstorm a concept for the needed pieces. Also, you still had illustration work to do. There was no time to whine and feel down. It felt immature, truthfully.

You glared down at the messy, filled-up page of yours. This was the product of your choice, so you had to go on. If the worst comes to worst, you would just consult your client and draw it out as needed. It felt almost like a chokehold that dug itself right inside your trachea, but you reminded yourself once again. “It is work,” you whispered to yourself, “you just have to—”

“Excuse me,” a voice stopped your mutterings right on its track, asking, “is this seat taken?”

You spared a second to berate yourself, once again reminding yourself you were in public that going out was probably the wrong choice for that moment. Then, you faced to your right, answering the voice with a smile, “It is not, please feel free—”

Then, in a manner of a dramatic deja vu, you found the very familiar face of Isagi Yoichi, dressed in casual boyish clothing, right next to you. He paused as he too realized who you were, freezing just as he was about to sit on the stool beside you with a cup of cold drink in his hand.

“Ah.”

“Oh.”

Like a pair of two surprised barely-acquaintances you were, you and Isagi stared at each other in a mix of surprise and recognition. His eyes looked a few shades darker under the shadow of his black cap, however, through tresses that peeked out from under there, you noticed how the bluish tone of his hair got accentuated even further. Dressed in a casual white sweater and grey pants, those hues of his stood out even further.

He looked slightly different compared to the man you met that night, shying away from the party and leaning against the wall. But, even more so, he looked different from the ‘him’ you viewed through the screen three days ago.

A player who truly deserved the titles of ‘Ace’ and ‘Star’ in his name. Someone who without a doubt carried so much passion for what he loves that it couldn’t help but steal your breath away for numerous reasons. It was hilarious in a way, how replaying that one of many matches where Isagi Yoichi played–out of curiosity and a slight remembrance of his name–ended up with your heart thumping almost wildly in your studio.

It was supposed to be a background voice, yet you watched that match with too much enthusiasm, feeling both envious and wishful every time Isagi Yoichi’s face came onto the screen.

Ah–you took in an inconspicuous deep breath–this is no time to think of some soccer match.

Reverting your focus back to the matter at hand, you silently took comfort in the fact that most customers surrounding you either had their ears plugged or were too into their own conversations to care about two people gawking at each other. Forcing your bewilderment within a tidy gulp, you immediately put on your best pleasantry. “What…a surprise to see you here, Isagi. And as I was saying, it is not occupied. Please feel free to have it.”

Quickly enough, the male in front of you followed your cue. Pulling the chair and sitting himself beside you, Isagi offered you a nod that could pass as a half bow as he greeted you by name. “I, uh… didn't expect to see you here too. It’s nice to see you again!”

You nodded back to him, albeit much more slowly, “Indeed, to think I will be able to meet and converse like this with a national soccer superstar, your fans must be seething.”

Isagi chuckled bashfully at your remark, the tense line on his shoulder loosening, “You talk as if you are no one yourself.”

“Having a few websites and prints displaying my name is certainly incomparable to you, please,” you shrugged, turning in your seat slightly to find a more comfortable position to converse with him, “though I am honored to have you know me.”

“Well, I did end up finding out a bit more about you after that party…” Isagi said as put down his iced drink. An iced tea of some kind, if its color was any indication. While your attention shifted slightly towards his drink, Isagi continued a tad bit too miserably, “…but to think you listen to my comments about your painting like that…”

Isagi’s smile crooked ever so slightly, a teasing tone mingled with one that said ‘How could you?’ as light as it should be for a small talk poking. You raised both of your eyebrows as a reply, smiling, “In my defense, you didn’t ask.”

“Hey, I think I did,” Isagi took a sip from his drink. His right cheek twitched. “I definitely did and you just answered vaguely.”

“Then, you probably asked just as vaguely,” you covered your grin with your hand, poorly playing up a faux misery to cover up your growing mirth, “after all, there is no way for a mere painter and illustrator like me to just brag in front of you, Ace Striker.”

“You are…” taking notice of your insistence, Isagi gave up with a sigh. Then, staring at his drink as if he was remembering that party, he continued, “Still that night…”

Hearing him trailing off, you too recalled the condemning comments you spat out that night. “I was… truthfully I just had some shame with that piece of mine. Pardon my manner,” you reasoned, truthfully unsure of how much of it was true.

“Ah, no, I don’t mean it like that, I mean!” Isagi hurriedly added, “I mean, yeah, that happened, but if I know it was your painting…”

Isagi seemed to hesitate to continue his words. You did wonder on what he wanted to say, but letting an awkwardness rise when the both of you still clearly wanted to sit in this spot would be in poor taste. Brushing it off with a wave, you attempted to finish the topic at hand with a good note. “As they say, what happened, happened. So, putting all those aside,” you turned your face fully towards Isagi, starting the conversation from the top once again. “What brings you here?”

If Isagi did notice the shift in conversation, he certainly didn’t bother to mask it. His eyes stayed on you for a moment, but after a brief, nearly unnoticeable moment of silence, Isagi replied to you as he took off his cap, putting it down on the table, “I, well, taking a drink, I guess? I’m supposed to meet up with a friend but…”

As your company furrowed his eyebrows despite holding his smile, you scoffed amiably, leaning your cheek on your palm. “Did they cancel out of the blue?” you asked, out of experience,

“Yeah, his girlfriend and something about an urgent matter,” Isagi said in a way that told you whoever this friend was, it wasn’t exactly a surprising thing for that person to pull. You attempted to cover up your pity at that. Isagi, with hair slightly disheveled by his cap, returned the same question back to you. The forced smile etched on his lips visibly softened as he asked, “How about you, though?”

You took one deep breath as you thought up a response. Answering honestly would just bring the two of you back to the very topic you attempted to run away from–your drawing. But, with a sketchbook being opened in broad daylight like this in front of you, lying would be plain stupid.

You held back a groan. Your headache was probably caused by a rotting mind rather than whatever you thought it was before. This conversation had turned into a devil’s loop.

However, still taking proper manners and such into account, you lightly tapped said sketchbook, “As you can see, work, in a way. I need a change of scenery to try and get new ideas. But, as of now… you could say I’m taking a little break.”

It certainly put so many things mildly, but that answer should do. The last thing you wanted to do would be to express your frustration once again and repeat that night with the same person. Therefore, calling ‘this’ a ‘break’ would suffice.

“Ah, I see,” Isagi’s eyes moved to your sketches. Then, they moved between you and those scribbles a more few times, before with a somewhat timid kind of curiosity, Isagi hummed, “Uh, you don’t have to but… mind if I take a look? At those drawings?”

How you wished you could snap that thing shut and run away.

“Sure,” you pushed it towards him. You hoped your hands didn’t shake. Keeping up your demeanor, you added in a joking manner, “But they are still very messy though–” they are a mess “–I hope you won’t mind.”

“I definitely won’t!” Isagi responded with a grin that carried with it a mysterious confidence. He sounded even more sure than you were. As he flipped the book back to its first page, you immediately bit your tongue. You reminded yourself to appear friendly. “I found some of your work online and I really like them!”

A light flutter touched you upon hearing his praise. It did sound genuine, even if you probably would have thought otherwise. Though, probably, if you looked at your older artworks, you could say that it was made with your whole heart at the very least. Unlike most things you had put out recently.

Idly tracing the pencil you had laid down, you replied, “I’m glad you like them.”

You managed to stop yourself from saying more, somehow, despite the bitter words already hanging at the exit of your mouth. Pushing those words aside, you eventually decided to continue to follow the lines on the pencil’s body once again, feeling the familiar and artificial smoothness on it.

“Woah,” Isagi gaped quietly, turning the pages slowly. You took notice that it was pages of still life studies you did. Just from the number of details on them alone, it was apparent they had been made some long time ago–before the overwhelming weight that made the task of simply opening your sketchbook unpleasant came into your days. There was no way you could muster enough will to put in that much effort.

You stared at those sketches deeply, wondering if you enjoyed making them then. Under your own breath, you murmured, ”Those stuffs, eh…”

“You really are amazing…” Isagi praises easily as he continues to flip through the pages, mouth agape slightly as if your drawings truly were masterpieces. “You are so good.”

Truthfully, the more praise you heard, the more you wondered how you should react. Donning on faux gratitude and humor felt wrong. It truly did lighten your heart to hear it. Hearing that someone spared even a second to appreciate something you make has always been nice. But, even so–

Those drawings were from a time when drawing was easy and filled with love. The you who had walked past that time and looked back at it with nothing but envy had no right to accept those praises. In a way, perhaps you never did deserve those praises.

Many people deserve that title of a ‘pro’ more. They who draw better than you could ever hope to be, they who love drawing much more deeply than you.

You, who dared to say you were in love with your craft once before falling silent this soon–

You have no right to accept those words.

Your fingers drew to a pause, you put a second of consideration before deciding to put that pencil back into your back. “You praise me too much,” you replied, thankful for his kind words nonetheless. However, still unwilling to dwell too much on your drawing, you tried to shift the focus towards Isagi once again, “Also, I’m a bit curious, but do you mind if I ask something?”

“Hm?” Isagi’s head lifted up slightly, removing his attention from your sketchbook for a moment. “Sure, I think. What is it?”

“I thought soccer practice is an everyday thing for pros like you. Are you on break?” you asked casually.

“You could say that,” Isagi said, “two weeks off for a bit before we go back to the usual.”

“I see…” you noted down. Then, the memory of a video you watched a few days ago came to the surface of your mind for the second time. It was a video you played to fill the background silence at your studio, however the cheers of crowds and the close-ups of Isagi Yoichi’s face were played enough times to have an impression of their own. “Still, seeing how hotblooded and passionate you are on the field, I would have thought you would be practicing alone instead of drinking coffee…”

“Wha–” Isagi, unexpectedly, spluttered at your sudden statement.

You blinked. Your hand flew to cover your mouth the moment you realized what you just muttered out loud, “Oh my–I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude–”

“No, no! It’s fine!” Isagi shook both of his hands quickly. The two of you truly were lucky that no one paid attention to your interactions or it would be embarrassing–you noted, your face turning as if you just sucked on something sour. “I mean, I usually kind of do? It’s just, a break is necessary sometimes, you know–those stuffs. And really, it just surprised me for you to say that out of the blue so…aha ha ha…”

As the blue-haired male laughed bashfully, you couldn’t help but to follow it with a hesitant guffaw of your own. Letting the sudden jolt between the two of you dissipate, you soon added, “I truly do mean it as praise, though. Even someone who doesn’t know anything about soccer like me couldn’t help but admire you when you play.”

While you were very much aware of how you worded it out like mere flattery, you truly did mean every bit of your word. Even through a screen, watching a play of something that felt worlds away from yours, seeing someone putting on such a wide victorious grin and focused gaze was a ‘something’. Three days ago, seeing that replay in the silence of your own room, sitting right in front of a blank canvas, it truly was a sight.

“Your dedication and such… I will call you a talented genius, but it was definitely more than that…” you vividly remembered how his eyes shone within those footages. Even outside of the field, the glint that stole your breath that day still held itself across his blue eyes that were right in front of you. “...you are a sight to behold, Isagi Yoichi.”

Isagi’s mouth hung open. Nervously, he rubbed the back of his neck as it morphed into a bright smile–boyish, bashful, yet full of pride that you had come to associate with him after watching that match. And, you supposed, after watching the proof of his hard work, he truly deserved to feel that pride.

“Thanks,” Isagi said, saying your name quietly in gratitude. His eyes escaped towards your sketchbook for a moment, “I think I could say the same about you too, though, you know.”

You blinked. “...Huh?”

“That painting that night and all these sketches,” Isagi continued to flip through the sketchbook, finally arriving on the messiest page of all, yet still looking at it as if it was worthy of something beyond a series of unfinished scribbles and less, “I’m no expert at paintings and drawings too, but I could feel how much of your heart and seriousness you put in it.”

“... is… that so…?” you did not expect to hear such praise. Was it a praise?

Was trying to put your all enough when it amounted to nothing eventually?

When it turned out to be meaningless and–

“Your drawings–” Isagi faced towards you, leaning forward slightly as his eyes crescented, a genuine and sincere glimmer still carrying itself in them, “–I really like them!”

For once, you stilled as you listened to Isagi Yoichi’s compliment.

It was simple and, undoubtedly, very subjective. There was no praise on how he understood it nor on how he thought everything came together. You wondered if this was because you hadn’t heard or tried to seek any opinion of your drawings for a while. Or perhaps it was because you drowned every single one of them with your own comparison and sentiments. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. However, you knew that it stilled you because–

It was simply an ‘I like them’. 

For once, however, you couldn’t feel any disgust towards yourself or your drawings coming up. Your brain couldn’t come up with any reason or anything–it stayed silent, as you could only nod and utter out a quiet acceptance. When push comes to shove, who were you to discredit a feeling of ‘liking’?

“...thank you, Isagi,” you nod, looking away back to the window across you with a smile you knew was too shaky and big, feeling lightheaded and flustered, “I’m glad you like them.”

The cafe was bustling and Isagi had returned to your drawings, smiling even as he replied to you with a relaxed manner, “Same to you!”

Yet again, you found yourself unable to reply to that. Letting the conversation died there somehow felt right, oddly enough. Your shoulder relaxed as you took a deep breath once more. In the back of your mind, the grating weight was still there and you knew it would come back much sooner than you hoped it to be. But, for that moment, it was enough.

Sitting next to Isagi Yoichi–whose fervor had gained your respect–who praised you with such sincerity, it was enough for you to think that at that very moment–

It is okay for you to draw, despite everything.

Isagi turned to the next page as you stayed silent, finding yourself only being able to stare blankly at the air between the two of you. “Ah,” Isagi came to a pair of blank pages, clean and unblemished by anything. 

“It seems you reached the end, Isagi,” you lightly said, offering a hand to take back the book.

“Yeah,” Isagi closed it and took it to your hand with a satisfied look, “thanks! It was great!”

“...you really praise me too much,” you repeated once more, this time acknowledging how it felt lighter to say it. “However, thank you. I’m glad you like those studies and idea roughs.”

“...studies…? …roughs?” a pair of blue eyes looked at you in confusion, the owner clearly blurting those words out of question and unfamiliarity.

You couldn’t help but to laugh at that, “The drawings you have seen. They are studies and roughs. An observation drawn on paper and… a messy note of ideas in drawing form, I suppose.”

“Oh–I see, I think I got it!” Isagi said, brightly in understanding, before then shifting slightly in his seat and taking a sip from his drink. “I never heard of those terms before–or maybe I just forgot it after high school, haha…”

You chuckled in sympathy. “It’s okay. I barely remember any rules of soccer either. I do know you can’t use your hand unless you are a goalkeeper, but other than that, I don’t think I even know what offside is.”

With faces turned towards each other, you could clearly see Isagi’s eye crinkling in humor. It was a good look on him, you noted. The lines of laughter on someone’s face always have their own charm visually, you know after all these years, however, it truly suits his face.

“Then, should I tell you?” Isagi offered, quiet rhetorically as he didn’t miss a bit to continue, “So, basically it’s–”

VRRRRT–

Which he would if it wasn’t for the sudden sound of vibration coming from his pocket. Both you and Isagi glanced down. Isagi made an apologetic face that was jumbled along with a grimace and a subtle irritation, earning a nod and an amused smile from you.

Another deja vu. It seemed like that this meeting would end soon too, you thought silently, vacantly looking at the empty pages in your hand. It didn’t feel good. The empty pang where you knew excitement should thrum was still very much there. It still felt like a hole that was simply there to make you suffer.

But, for once, it didn’t feel as terrible as it usually was–you noted. Perhaps, you could fill those pages with something ‘likable’ soon enough.

“Hey, yeah. It’s me. What is it, man?” Isagi picked up the phone with a tone much more casual than the one he used with you. A bit rougher and clearly more impolite too, you realized. “Huh? What–suddenly? Dude. Come on you just dipped out on me–you can’t just–”

You looked away as Isagi seemed to get exasperated not long into the phone call. Remembering your empty cup of coffee, you wondered if you should order another drink or perhaps move on, either back home or somewhere for dinner. You would definitely have to turn back to your work, though, either way. Your teeth felt like biting your tongue ever so slightly at that reminder, though you probably should indeed go home.

However, before that, you did feel like you had to do something beforehand.

Peering over at the phone Isagi’s hand, you wondered how should you go over it.

“Um,” Isagi called out your name, breaking your trance, wearing a description of ‘feeling bad’ on the scrunch of his face, “I’m sorry but that friend of mine…uh, he kinda turns back with his girlfriend and needs me, so…”

“Take it easy, it’s okay,” you hummed in understanding. Isagi wore an obvious guilt on his face still, however, so you added, “Really. While I do pity that I won’t get an explanation from Master Ace Striker himself, I was grateful for our chat. Thank you for humoring me.”

He chuckled at that, “Come on, no need to be that formal. I enjoyed it all too–oh. Wait.”

As Isagi cut himself short, quickly clicking through his phone, you let him be for a moment. You took the chance to put your sketchbook in your bag and scanned over the table for any of your belongings left. From the corner of your eye, you saw a quirk placing itself on Isagi’s lips.

“But, since we already looked each other up,” relaxed and friendly he offered his phone to you, unlocked and displaying the contact screen, Isagi did what you felt like you should do in your stead. “Mind exchanging our number so I can explain about ‘offsides’ and other rules to you through text?”

You were very glad your head had cooled down, or it would be terrible. Is Isagi the friendly oblivious type who doesn’t realize this sort of thing could be translated as flirting? Or it is? Or perhaps, you were simply getting too many things over your head after a few praises.

“Sure, I was about to ask you for the same thing,” you took his offer gladly, admitting your prior intent easily. Accepting his phone, you punched your number in and quickly returned it. “I will look forward to that offside explanation and the other kinds of stuff too.”

“Yeah, yeah. Explain some art stuff to me too later, ‘kay?” 

“Oh. An exchange of information? How transactional.”

“I don’t mean it like that! But… yeah?”

The two of you emitted a simultaneous small laugh, for some reason. Quieting the tickle in your mouth, you shook your head, “I’m joking. I will look forward to another talk with you. It was insightful.”

Isagi’s lips turned into a shape that spelled out amusement in its equal crooked and wry curve. However, just right before he was about to open his mouth, his smile slipped along with the resounding vibration from the device in his hand. Isagi let his mouth hang open for a moment, before finally grimacing, “...well, I should go.”

Never taking your eyes off him as Isagi stepped off his stool, you nodded. “You should. I will be off soon too. Be careful and good evening, Isagi.”

“Then… good evening to you too,” Isagi said as he took backward steps towards the exit, confident and controlled enough as if he could see what was behind him clearly, “I’ll see you around.”

You raised a little wave that was more of a jest than anything, bidding him a farewell, “See you.”

And with that, Isagi turned around swiftly, a slight bounce pushing his first step forward as he went for the door. You were about to take your eyes off him right as he stopped in his rush all of a sudden, turning towards you once again.

“Oh, also–” Isagi said, a bit louder and ignorant to a few glances thrown his way, “–good luck with the idea hunting. Don’t push yourself too hard, ‘kay?”

prev. ; series masterlist. ; next

a.n.: and the second chapter is done!!! it definitely took longer than i thought, haha. maybe i should publish the outtakes for giggles hoho;;; but things are finally moving and looking up. and as a disclaimer, i want to remind you that everyone's burnout is different & this fic will never be the perfect portrayal of those experiences. but, if you are in a slump or a burnout, i wish you a good time soon :3 thank you for @doobea for beta reading this too ;;; this thing wouldn't end up being as coherent as it is without u ily;;;; all in all, i hope you enjoyed this chapter :> please do look forward to the next one, i will look forward to any kinds of feedback & thoughts u may have hehe <3 once again, thank you for reading!

taglist: @doobea @mariyumemi @intheewrld @lazysublimeengineer @coquettemaiden @kreishin @yoisami @takotakigum @themigrainegirll **bolded and italicized means i cannot tag you. please do contact me in case you want to be added or taken out of the taglist :>

[devilsskettle]

reading the script really made it click for me part of what doesn’t work about art and patrick’s relationship without tashi (beyond just being repressed) and it’s that patrick loves art as a person and loves playing tennis with him because it’s fun but he doesn’t really respect him as a player — it’s okay for art to play college tennis but not tashi and not himself because he thinks they’re too good for it. tashi sees through that right away and acknowledges art’s potential (which is why she’s so effective as his coach later). part of why she’s “fire and ice in one person” is because she has the natural talent (like patrick) and the discipline and formal training (like art) and knows that the natural skill part is special and can make the difference between a good player and a great player, but without cultivation of that skill, you just can’t compete at a higher level where everyone is talented and everyone is playing like their life depends on it. and eventually patrick thinking he’s too good to get feedback about his game is what puts a rift between him and tashi — he’s low key right about her wanting a groupie/student (which she finds in art) and he sees himself as her peer (which, similarly, is his relationship with art), but he just absolutely refuses to change the way he plays until it’s far too late (for his relationship with tashi and his career). and it’s actually the implication that he should be learning from art that sets off the argument:

and that’s actually a big factor in the conflict between art and patrick as well, which i think is much more explicit in the script:

patrick won’t learn from anyone but especially art because he loves him but he doesn’t respect him. i think probably tashi respects him but doesn’t love him like that. so it’s not just that art and patrick’s relationship will always be unresolved without tashi, it’s also that, for art, the need for that respect is not fulfilled by his relationship with patrick. however, when he loses patrick, he also loses that love that does not feel conditional on his professional success, and eventually patrick realizes that he actually does need tashi’s coaching if he wants to be considered a competitive player again.

idk if he’s “right” about being able to make a comeback as a player if she was his coach tbh but i do think he’s right that they need each other to move on

[lazyveran]

what are katara and azula's favorite things about each other's culture? least favorite?

oooh excellent question!

for katara, her favourite thing about the fire nation is probably their sense of romance. it really pervades nearly everything in the fire nation. (this is all hc i fear BUT) the fire nation has an obsession with passion; be it the physical form in an ever-so-obvious erotic fixation with strong powerful (naked) bodies, the visual language of someone through clothing colour and manner, even violence and death - the fire nation weaves romance through everything, all behind these layers of disicipline and self control. fire nation arts are therefore prolific in every level of society and known to be MELODRAMATIC AS HELL. they adore poetry, theatre, performance, all of it, with romantic tragedy at the core. what im essentially saying is the fire nation is both somehow repressed and obssessed with emotion, and katara resonates with that. she's a romantic at heart herself, and this kind of thing is really attractive to her. of course, it's only once she understands the fire nation that she really falls in love with their ideas of love

her least favourite? where to start! the fire nation's militantism, their bone tight grip on self control, the professional distance expected between everyone who isn't family (and everyone who IS family), the fixation on hierarchy within every level of society. their violent discipline, the dehumanisation of it's leadership figures, their obsession with fighting, death and war, and so on and so on. katara has a big issue with a LOT of the fire nation, though admittedly some of this is her stubborn refusal to understand or adjust her own world image. the fire nation is so unapologetically violent to itself, and as a healer she HATES that. she cant wrap her head around it. just STOP KILLING EACH OTHER.

i think the crux of it is that she simply can't understand how the fire nation expects complete self containment and obedience, all in the pursuit of a rigid sense of order (to avoid the harm that fire causes by it's very nature). it's just... not something she's ever had to contend with. water can't burn a country to the ground with an accidental spark, afterall. from her own cultural background all these rules and complications is a complete anthesis. she thinks its really stupid, honestly

for azula, there's honestly a lot she respects about the water tribes. most of all is their way of life, the tribes are chiefly hunters that harmonise with their environment. in that way, they take up an 'apex' role, and are intimately involved in the cycle of life. birth, living, death, the tribes slip into each role as both a teacher and a student. and i think that kind of simplicity of life impresses azula - the strong and the weak, the community, the easy way everything fits, that everything is used and appreciated. there's no sense of excess, really, to the water tribes and it's deeply satsifying for her. plus, for a princess that's trapped up in a thousand barriers in her own society? i think she's fascinated with the tribes way of allowing oneself to BE oneself. (there's that fire nation romanticism too)

what azula dislikes about the tribes? there's no certainty about them. the community and it's needs are fluid and adaptable. they don't have hierarchy, rules, rigid centuries old protocals to follow. she hates that. they don't have a formal military, they don't have an independant judicial body, they don't have a formal branch of religion. as much as the tribe fits into a harmonisiation with the world, azula wants RULES. she wants ORDER. she wants DISICIPLINE. the water tribe has NONE of that, there's little to no lines in the sand dictating who and what. its so frustrating for her. it's basically just azula not understanding how the water tribes can function as an ever changing thing. shes like a fish out of water (forgive the pun), as her entire life is defined by rules and absolutes.

also, and more pettily, azula is a traditionalist that actually adores the tech and metal of the modern fn age. where's her central heating?? what do you mean they only have a central fire for warmth?? she wants a SPA, NOW. shes a brat

[quincyhorst]

Querardo has had bullfighting all over his life, even before he came to this world. His father, a famous matador, took such profession as to please the wishes of Que's (paternal) grandfather, Donorio Naval. As for the maternal side, for generations they have tended the Ilarregui Bull Farm, a place that has seen bulls be born, live, and then find its destiny on the bullring. Nobody around his life had ever opposed bullfighting. Everybody praised it, be it for its cultural significance, or because it was their way of economic sustain. So, it was obvious that little Querardo wanted to become a matador too.

Since he was a child, he trained and trained for his dream. With fake bulls, with little calfs, even sometimes he taunted his own pet dogs with the red cape; also taking great advantage of his farm's tentadero (Smaller bullring where the bulls are tested). His family, of course, was happy with this. León himself gladly offering to train him, and slowly insert him into the world of this art. Maybe Que's mother felt more bittersweet about it, but she felt it was pointless to speak up.

With time, Querardo grew to be a distinguished boy, respected by his gentle manners, or feared by his lion aspect. He could be a perfect model child for those who also desired to enter bullfights. However, there was a secret. A deep secret that Querardo couldn't repress from himself.

And is that, Querardo can't kill a bull. He… Just couldn't.

In the arena, everything culminates into the death of the animal. The three acts, each action of the bullfighters, every move of the cape and sword, everything is written as to end with the matador piercing the bull. But Querardo couldn't do that. No matter how he tried, he wasn't just able to. And he had realized that way too late, to the eyes of a perplexed public.

There was always a mistake. Either he missed a few centimeters, either he let the animal pass by, either he would drop the sword down out of nowhere, and in some occassions, neither him or the animal would move, just looking at each other in pure fear. It is to say that due to his age Querardo wasn't still allowed to fight actual adult bulls, but instead younger calfs. But if he was like this with said younglings, then how would he be with the real deal?

But deep down, Querardo knew why it was the case. What was holding him back.

The bulls. Those animals that he also had spent his childhood alongside with. He had seen many of them come to this world, in the form of innocent, yet lively calfs. He had seen them grow, become bigger, develop those beautiful horns. And everyday he saw them roam the fields, eat, all sorrounded by other begins and flowers. Such a view got stuck in his brain forever. And it returned to him every time it was time for him to end a life.

Querardo hated having these thoughts. He didn't understand why they kept returning. He wanted to be a matador. Isn't that true? He wanted to be like his father. Like his grandfather. Like his uncle. Like everyone around him. Like his country. He wanted to make everyone proud... But himself.

Worst part is, he had none to talk these feelings with. His father would reply with a "Isn't this what YOU wanted???". Anyone else on his family was a similar case. His bff Samuel meanwhile listened to him, but didn't knew what to do either. And hell, it seemed he considered those thoughts as "pure nuisances" too. At least there was his mother. She also lacked actual answers, but she at least was capable of offering her son a hug.

Pretty much the only way he could drift his head away from this dilemma was soccer. It was something he had been always fond of, and he'd gladly cling to it at any chance. And things at first seemed promising, with him being able to lead the spanish national team at the Eurocup. However, by mixing his original bullfighting student life and soccer one, things started to go down the drain.

The loss at 200X's Spanish Youth League could have been perfectly the straw that broke the camel's back. Give it some time, and Querardo would have pretty much gave in to his fate of becoming a bullfighter.

...Enter the Spanish Community Cup.