#and bc if that I’ve started to be able to recognize the writing on the walls when a corporate retail chain is struggling

[spacelazarwolf]

Hey there! I’ve really appreciated your posts and perspective over this past month, I’m having a hard time (as so many Jews are) and your voice helps.

I’m hoping you can help me with reliable resources. A friend of mine condemned the Hamas attacks etc (as they should, to my relief) but is under the impression that Israeli govt is doing genocide to the Palestinians. I’ve no idea how to approach that to verify (or not), I don’t even know where to start looking. Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you.

thanks! this is a really tough question, but i'm going to do my best to break it down. also if anyone's thinking of clowning on this post without reading it, inb4 "omg ur denying genocide!!!!!!" bc this post is literally outlining, in detail, all the ways the israeli government is, by definition, committing genocide.

this is really long, just a heads up.

a big frustration i have with a lot of progressive or leftist spaces is the tendency to throw around words like genocide without being able to define the term or properly apply it to the situation in question. this isn't just a semantics issue. if all you're doing is repeating the buzzwords you've heard on social media, your "activism" is going to be less than useless. it is crucial that if you are going to talk about the current genocide in gaza, you must be able to define exactly what a genocide is and how it applies to what's happening in gaza.

i'm paraphrasing from this article by the united nations. the word "genocide" was coined in 1944 by raphael lemkin in his book "axis rule in occupied europe." it was developed partly in response to the shoah, but also to previous instances of what we would now define as genocide. it was recognized as a crime under international law in 1946, and codified as an independent crime in the 1948 convention on the prevention and punishment of the crime of genocide.

the definition of genocide

(from article II of the convention on the prevention and punishment of the crime of genocide):

in the present convention, genocide means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such:

a. killing members of the group; b. causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group; c. deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part; d. imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group; e. forcibly transferring children of the group to another group.

the 10 stages of genocide

a model created by gregory stanton, the founding president of genocide watch

classification - people are divided into "them and us"

symbolization - when combined with hatred, symbols may be forced upon unwilling members of pariah groups.

discrimination - law or cultural power excludes groups from full civil rights: segregation or apartheid laws, denial of voting rights.

dehumanization - one group denies the humanity of the other group. memmbers of it are equated with animals, vermin, insects, or diseases.

organization - genocide is always organized... special army units or militias are often trained and armed...

polarization - extremists drive the groups apart... leaders are arrested and murdered... laws erode fundamental civil rights and liberties.

preparation - mass killing is planned. victims are identified and sepaarated because of their ethnic or religious identity.

persecution - expropriation, forced displacement, ghettos.

extermination - it is 'extermination' to the killers because they do not believe their victims to be fully human.

denial - the perpatrators... deny that they committed any crimes.

application to the crisis in gaza

to start with the first definition from the united nations:

a. killing members of the group - YES

the death toll in gaza has risen above 8,000 according to the associated press. as far as i know, as of writing this post, there has been no ceasefire so the death toll will continue to rise.

b. causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group - YES

over 20,000 people in gaza have been injured, and gazans - particularly children - suffer incredibly high rates of ptsd.

c. deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part - YES

the israeli blockade of gaza has had devastating consequences for gazans. they are running out of food, water, fuel, and medicine, and this is costing additional lives.

d. imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group - unclear but leaning toward YES

whether or not it is the explicit goal, the current bombardment of gaza has put the lives of 50,000+ pregnant women in gaza at risk, along with their babies. babies who need incubators are also in danger as generators begin to run out of fuel.

e. forcibly transferring children of the group to another group - as far as i am aware, NO

according to the us embassy in israel, the palestinian authority ministry of social development is the only authorized entity regarding adoption of palestinian children. this doesn't mean it isn't happening, it just means i was not able to find any credible sources.

the 10 stages of genocide

classification - YES there is a long history in israel of othering palestinians, both socially/culturally and legally. former israeli minister of interior and minister of justice ayelet shaked shared a racist quote from netanyahu's former chief of staff explicitly framing palestinians as "the enemy."

symbolization - not yet there are no overt symbols palestinians, even within israel, are required to wear to outwardly identify themselves, but there are identifying features on their ids. in fact, the opposite has been happening, with far right members of the israeli government attempting to pass legislation making it illegal to publicly display palestinian flags.

discrimination - YES there is, again, a long history of discrimination against palestinians within and by the state of israel. it is difficult for palestinians from the west bank or gaza to gain status in israel, israeli work permits are used as a form of control, and often forcibly separate palestinian families.

dehumanization - YES former israeli deputy minister of defense eli ben dahan said of palestinians, "to me they are like animals, they aren't human."

organization - YES israel is currently carrying out an organized and brutal attack on gaza.

polarization - YES from extremist groups like hamas, to the corruption in the likud party in israel, there are very clear signs of extreme polarization. israel's siege against gaza has caused polarization across the entire globe.

preparation - YES gazans in particular are unable to leave gaza without a permit, and now with the blockade from both israel and egypt they are essentially trapped.

persecution - YES gaza in particular could absolutely be likened to a ghetto. as stated above, (in "usual" circumstances) they are unable to leave without a permit, and since hamas took control it is nearly impossible to get an israeli work permit.

extermination - GETTING THERE if the siege continues and gazans are unable to get out of gaza, there will be catastrophic casualties.

denial - YES i often hear that "israel has a right to defend itself" but i cannot possibly find a way to frame the current siege as "self defense."

so in conclusion, israel is - by multiple definitions - committing genocide against gazans. and it's very important to be able to identify specifics, especially if you are planning on having discussions about it. and i've said it in the past, but if you are not directly affected by what's happening - palestinians in particular, but israeli citizens and jews and muslims in the diaspora are also getting hit hard - it is IMPERATIVE that you are able to talk about this with a level head. escalating tensions and pushing away potential allies is only going to make things worse. find common ground, form connections, and then have a productive discussion.

[mvltisstuff]

hello again, i’ve requested a few times (the feels and sweet nothing) and i was hoping i could request again? (i think i might add an emoji at the end bc i love your writing and will keep requesting as much as you allow ❤️❤️) anyway, i hope you’re doing well and things are going good.

i was wondering if i could request a buck fic where is partner is an artist and he finds a sketchbook of sketches of him and when he asks about it they talk about how pretty he is and how deserves to be appreciated and just making him feel super loved with it. thank you if you get to it and ofc no troubles if you don’t. take care 🥰

also is 🚒 good for a way to recognize me??

wasteland, baby! - e.b

summary: request

evan buckley x reader

a/n: omg you always have such creative ideas! i love receiving requests so always feel free :)) 🚒 = ❤️‍🔥 i also won’t be posting as frequently for the next few weeks due to finals, but after that i’ll be posting a ton!!

buck had come over to y/n’s apartment after his shift for dinner, and the scent of thick acrylic paint and primer had stung at his nostrils. he began to love the smell, as he knew that it meant she was around. he had let himself in with his key, taking in all of the perfectly placed plants and artwork on the walls.

she had a canvas that was almost complete, with just a few finishing touches. buck had walked over to it to examine. her talent was extraordinary. he knew it was out of this world, and the way she was so proud of her pieces his made his heart swell up with love.

“hi, buck!” y/n says, beginning to walk out of the hallway from her room to her art. she was wearing a pair of dark green pants and a white t-shirt which somehow complimented her beautifully. her face had small specks of blue and red on her cheeks and black and grey streaks on her shirt. “sorry it’s such a mess in here, but doesn’t this look great?”

“no, don’t worry about the mess, but how long did that take? it’s amazing!” buck stutters a big, not being able to comprehend how art like that could come out of her hands.

“thank you, love,” she replies, taking his belongings and placing them down for him. “how was work today? anything good?”

“just a normal old day, but you know it’s the 118.”

“it is never normal at the 118,” y/n smiles and gives him a cheek kiss before going to wipe her face off. buck goes to sit down in her living room on the couch, and she follows behind him with a quick change of shirt. she placed a small pizza in the oven to cook for them, and cuddled up next to him while they told each other stories about their day.

“it was wild, y/n,” buck starts. “i mean this woman literally rose from the dead after like 15 minutes, after being under a street. oh! you’re going to love this- and we saved some puppies in a sewer.”

“oh my god, are they ok?”

“they’re all fine, but i’m not sure if we are right now.”

“what do you mean?” she asks, slowly and carefully.

“you don’t smell something burning?”

she takes a deep inhale and looks over to her smokey kitchen. it wasn’t too bad, but definitely enough to make it inedible. “shit! fuck, i forgot about it!” she says, bouncing the pan up and down while trying not to burn herself.

y/n was busy discarding of the pizza when buck looked over at her with joy. he had a cheeky smile on his face and was laughing at the forgetfulness of both of them. he looked back down in front of him and the coffee table, and he saw a book that y/n always has on her. she brings it to work, to her family, anywhere she goes, she has it. it was her beloved sketchbook, filled with hundreds of small doodles and big pieces. buck has seen a lot of things in it, admiring each one before he comes across a bookmarked section.

when he flips the pages of the book, he notices that the person that is sketched and shaded looks particularly familiar. he makes note of the sharp nose and soft, but hard jaw. he sees the famous birthmark on the side of his face. he’s never looking right on, though. he’s always focused on something or has a light grin on his face. buck knows these are of him, but he doesn’t think he had any importance to be the top drawing in her book.

y/n walks back in to greet her boyfriend, “i think we might just have to ord-“ she looks at the sketches that she had put on that paper. a heat rose up into her face, reddening her cheeks and making her feel a sense of embarrassment.

“a-are these me?” buck asks, quietly. y/n nods, slowly, praying that she didn’t make him uncomfortable and that she will see him again tomorrow. “i-um..”

“you don’t have to say anything, buck. i never meant for you to see those and if you don’t like them, i’ll never do it again i swear. you just, you’re so beautiful, buck. and i love to draw beautiful things.”

“i just don’t know what to say, these are so good. i feel like you know me more than i know myself,” he says, chuckling a bit.

“you like ‘em?”

“i love them,” buck says.

“good, i just couldnt stop myself. you are always so pretty, no matter what and i want you to know that, so i tried to convey it through this. i was going to show you eventually, but i wanted to do more.”

“why me, though? you could draw anyone,” buck asks.

“no one else is you! you might have a pretty face and all but there is really nothing more beautiful than your soul. you are filled with so much love and sweetness and i’ve been dying to find a way to show you, because you are loved, evan. i love you and i wanted to put my two favorite things together. not a day goes by where i have anything but love for you.”

suddenly, the feeling in bucks chest is rising stronger, feeling like it’s going to burst. when it does, he has strong riptides of tears in his eyes. with a pure smile on his face, he passionately leaves a kiss on her lips, and he feels loved for the first time.

growing up, his parents never showed him love. he always begged for it from everyone he knew, and now he feels like it isn’t deserved. but someone, y/n made him feel like he will forever be worthy of love. and he will never forget how she fixed him for the best.

[otrtbs]

hi! could you explain a little bit what you studied and if you did any apprenticeship before you got a job ? a little summary to how you got there ? i’m so curious (and i admire you a lot)

hiya!! sure!!

so back in high school i actually started volunteering at my local art museum when i was 16 (up until i graduated at 18). they had a program specifically designed for teens to volunteer at the museum (i gave guided tours, and helped plan events at the museum, and worked with kids 3-12 in a drop-in studio every saturday where they could make art of their own after looking in the gallery) <- not a lot of museums do this, but you can call and ask if they need volunteer docents for the weekends !! they’ll train you!!

then i majored in art history in undergrad (making sure to focus my courses in modern and contemporary art towards the end of my studies bc that’s what i wanted to do! also i took a LOT of french classes. as in i only needed a few credits to have a minor but the last class was so hard i dropped it) to give yourself a leg up, i recommend studying a language (italian, french, spanish, german) most jobs in ARH require at least a minimal reading knowledge of another language.

while i was in school, i got a job at my university’s art museum as a gallery assistant! (<- fancy way of saying i walked around the galleries and told people not to touch the paintings and answered their questions if they asked and made sure no one was trying to steal the art)

during the summer, i got a summer internship at an art gallery in the biggest city close to my house (bc i moved back home w my parents in the summertime. uni housing was crazy expensive) and that was the *most* instrumental. i learned how to write wall texts, how to install artworks, i made studio visits to artists, updated the gallery website, handled artist contracts, you name it! it was great experience!!

i also got involved in art history/fine arts clubs at my university! i was on the fine arts council at my uni which represented the art and art history department to the student senate and the university at large. and the art historical society.

then i got my master’s degree in history of art theory and display, joined the art historical society at that university, got a degree and entered my FLOP ERA OF THE CENTURY

and by that i mean, i was 6 months unemployed and moved back home w my parents flop era. no one would hire me ,, no one would even give me a call back to tell me they didn’t wanna hire me ,,, and then one day someone did !! rahhh!!!! and i got some of my research approved 4 publishing and now im here!!!! (i say this not to discourage you but to let you know that the job market for art history ppl is tough,, it has always been tough,, but if you love it, it’s never a waste to pursue!)

i would do a few things differently if i had a second go at it, just to get a leg up so here’s some advice that im giving but i DIDNT DO myself:

1) try to minor in something to give you a leg up! a language is good, marketing is good, public relations… something to make you stand out!

2) try to get things published as an undergrad or a grad student! get your research out there if you can (way easier said than done ik ik) have some things you can list under your publications tab on your CV

3) if you find yourself in a 6+ month jobless, flop era period like me, volunteer somewhere at a museum or gallery if you are able. i was bitter as fuck that i had a masters degree and would be working at a museum for free when i needed money so i didn’t do it ,, but when someone finally calls back and you get an interview and they ask what you’ve been up to recently ,,, telling them you spend your time volunteering in museum spaces and working in your desired environment looks so much better than saying “i’ve been job searching” i promise !! (<- also just recognizing the extreme privilege i had to just stay at home and look for jobs in my desired field instead of immediately having to get a job somewhere. but im not gonna lie to you. i put out applications at olive garden and einstein’s bagels and they both rejected me. so. i was scrambling bc my student loans were due and i had zero dollars 2 my name 🧍‍♀️)

okay i rambled on for entirely tooooooo long. but i hope this was helpful somewhat !!! 💗💗

[withacapitalp]

Tell Him (Nothing) Everything Pt 1

Happy Valentine's @excaliburstark !!!! I was your Valentine so I wrote you a super fun 5+1 fic!! I never expected to do Rockstar Eddie or Modern AU just bc they had never appealed to me before, but then once I started writing this I just couldn't stop! I hope you enjoy it

Read it on ao3

Wayne let Eddie waste away for a record four days, three hours, and fifty two minutes before he finally put his foot down. 

“You need to get outta here,” His uncle said, crossing his arms and standing in front of where Eddie was lying on their lumpy comfy couch. 

Eddie tried to look past him and continue to watch whatever daytime soap opera was on, but Wayne just stepped into his field of vision, continuing to give Eddie the no-nonsense look of total reproach. 

He hated that look. Wayne only ever used it when he was right about something. 

“Kicking me out already?” Eddie said, sitting up and stretching, “I’ve only been here a few days, but if I’m already being a bother, I guess I’ll go crawling back to LA,” 

“You bought the damn house, boy, I’m not kicking you nowhere,” Wayne sighed, completely dodging the silly argument Eddie had tried to tangle them in. 

He sat down next to his nephew and put a big warm hand between Eddie’s shoulder blades, forcing him to be grounded in the moment instead of floating off wherever his mind wanted to go. 

“You can’t sit here all day long. It ain’t healthy,” His uncle whispered, becoming disarmingly gentle in the way only Wayne seemed to be able to accomplish. Eddie felt the open wound in his chest start to bleed again, and he shook Wayne off of him with a harsh tug. 

“Yeah, because I’m so concerned about my health right now,” Eddie snarked, fully intending on disappearing up the stairs and going to lie in his bed instead of on the couch where Wayne could nag him. The exhaustion was pulling on him again, weighing him down like lead. 

Unfortunately for Eddie, Wayne was more agile than he looked, and he got to the stairs before his nephew did. 

“Eddie,” Wayne snapped, cutting himself off with a frustrated sigh, before he could say anything more. He took off his cap and rubbed the top of his head, looking for something to say. 

“At least go take a walk in town or somethin’. You need fresh air and sunlight,” 

It wasn’t what Wayne wanted to say. Eddie knew that they were both fully aware of what Wayne wanted to say, but they were also both aware Eddie wasn’t ready to listen yet. 

“There’s plenty of air in here,” Eddie muttered stubbornly, staring down at the ground between them. He felt like a petulant child and not a twenty seven almost twenty eight year old man, but he didn’t want to budge. The idea of being out in the world made him feel sick to his stomach. Eddie didn’t want to be recognized, didn’t want people to come up to him and ask for autographs, or photos, or-

or ask him to talk about her.  

“This is Hawkins, Indiana, Eds. The only people who would recognize you are currently in school. No one here over the age of eighteen would listen to anythin’ like your music,” Wayne said, somehow already guessing where Eddie’s mind had gone, “‘Sides wasn’t the whole point of you comin’ home to be in a place where you could walk around without bein’ afraid of people seein’ you? What’s the point of bein’ here if you do nothin’ but stay home and mope?”

It wasn’t moping. Moping was what happened when you got dumped, or a pet ran away. Eddie had moped when Corroded Coffin’s second album flopped, and after he got laryngitis and had to miss Gareth’s big 25th birthday blowout bash. 

This wasn’t moping. Eddie was…was…

“I’m just tired, Wayne, that’s all,” Eddie said softly, the lie barely audible, even to himself. 

“We both this ain’t tired, Eddie,” Wayne said, gently but firmly calling his nephew on his bullshit, “You don’t handle grief well. And you never have, but-”

No. No. 

“I’m not talking about this,” Eddie interrupted, looking up with slightly deranged eyes, desperation making his voice rough, “I’m not. You promised we wouldn’t have to talk about Chri-”

Eddie cut himself off with a strangled gasp, hating the way just the first syllable of her name made tears start to prick in his eyes. 

“About it,” Eddie amended, his voice completely flat, “You promised we wouldn’t have to talk.”

Wayne studied him without pity. Empathy, sure, there was floods of it, because Wayne had lost her too, but no pity.

That was the real reason Eddie had come back home, fleeing Los Angeles in the middle of the night with barely a half scribbled note of explanation to the rest of the band, and instructions not to follow him despite all of them knowing where Eddie was going. 

Wayne was the only person in his world who wouldn’t pity him right now. 

Eddie could barely stand pity on his best day. It had always gotten under his skin, but right now it was making him go feral. He could only stand so many of Jeff’s sad little glances, and Archie’s quiet attempts to get him to open up. Even Gareth was too much right now. All of them were suffocating him. It was already hard enough to breathe as it was. 

But at this moment, Wayne’s empathy wasn’t much better. It felt like the entire room was slowly being drained of air. 

“Well. Two options,” Wane finally said, putting his cap back on and fixing Eddie with a determined grimace, “You can go out for at least forty five minutes- get some air, take a drive, maybe even come home with some lunch. Or we can sit here and have a nice long talk about our emotions. Your choice.” 

That wasn’t a choice. There wasn’t any choice in that at all. Both Eddie and Wayne knew that, but they also both knew that Wayne would follow through on that threat. He had done it before, and he would do it again, if necessary. He would do just about anything if it meant helping Eddie, even when Eddie didn’t want help. 

“You’re the worst,” Eddie groaned, stomping over to the front door and grabbing his sneakers. Wayne watched with smug satisfaction as Eddie laced up his shoes and grabbed his phone, tucking it into his back pocket before coming over and wrapping his uncle in a fiercely tight hug. 

“I love you,” Eddie mumbled into Wayne’s shoulder. He couldn't leave without saying what Wayne meant to him. Not anymore. Not after what had happened. 

“I love you too, Eds,” Wayne replied, letting his nephew hang onto him for as long as he needed. 

“Forty five minutes at least,” Wayne reminded him as they parted, standing in the doorway and watching as Eddie began trekking down the sidewalk towards the middle of town. 

It barely took ten minutes to get to the town square, and soon enough Eddie was sloping down a fairly busy sidewalk, getting side eyes and judgemental looks from housewives who couldn’t help staring. 

Good to know that some things would always stay the same. 

Eddie had only lived in Hawkins for five years, from the ages of eight to thirteen, along with sporadic visits from time to time since then, but it felt like nothing had changed. 

And maybe it hadn’t, not really. Hawkins was a timestamp town, the kind of place that looked the same no matter what decade it was. One of the deep tracks on Corroded Coffin’s first album had been about Hawkins. 

Well, not exactly, seeing as his bandmates weren’t from Hawkins, but they all grew up in small towns, so they were all able to come up with a pretty banging condemnation track together. 

Crawling out of the place that tried to take my soul, my heart, my mind. 

Creating a cookie cutter version which took the deal the Devil signed. 

Eddie never gave Hawkins the satisfaction of making him one of their sons. When people asked, he said he was from Indianapolis, which was half true. That was a better backstory anyway- a hardscrabble kid from the bad side of the tracks that had collected a bunch of his friends, a couple of second hand instruments, and a dream to change the world. 

No, Eddie wasn’t a fan of Hawkins. 

But oh, Chrissy had loved it here. 

The only reason Eddie had ever come back had been her. If he had it his way, Wayne would just come visit him whenever he wanted. Eddie could afford the plane tickets. But Chrissy saw some magic in the cul-de-sacs, the long winding corn rows, the people who would clutch their pearls whenever they saw the two of them walking down the street. 

Eddie had never understood it. 

And now he never would.  

There it was. The feeling of a phantom limb. Was it possible to have that if you still had all four? It was a sensation he would never be able to explain, a physical sense of loss that ran through his veins like poison. Eddie’s hand was empty, when it should be clutched onto someone else’s. There should be a sweet little light by his side, skipping along the sidewalk and teasing Eddie for being way too scary looking to survive in Hawkins. 

Eddie’s other half was missing, and he didn’t know how to begin making the world make sense again. 

He was so focused on that feeling that he didn’t see the glass door in front of him until it was way too late. Eddie crashed right into it, face fully smashing against the glass, collapsing on the ground with a loud curse and a stinging pain in his wrist from landing on it wrong. 

See. This is what happened when Eddie tried to go outside. He should’ve just stayed home and put his fingers in his ears, singing nonsense until his uncle gave up on trying to make him acknowledge his emotions. 

Instead here he was lying on the ground in the middle of Hawkins fucking Indiana at what had to be ultimate rock bottom. 

“Oh my gosh!” A deep voice from above him said, a tanned hand invading his vision, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Eddie sighed, taking the offered hand and letting himself get pulled up, “I’m o-”

Oh. My. God.  

Eddie lived in the pretty people capital of the country. Not only was he the lead singer of a world renowned band who was an out and proud bisexual, he was known to be somewhat of a slut. Suffice to say Eddie had both gorgeous women and gorgeous men throwing themselves at him almost constantly. 

There was no short supply of people who wanted a night with The Eddie Munson. 

But none of them held a candle to the man in front of him who was still holding onto his hand. 

“Oh, that looks like it hurts,” Small Town Adonis fretted, finally letting go only to lean in close and take Eddie’s chin in his hand. Eddie stiffened as his head was turned from side to side, giving the other man a better view of whatever bruise was starting to bloom on his jaw. It was a perfectly convenient excuse to oogle, so Eddie did. 

The stranger was a couple inches shorter than Eddie, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in muscle. He had broad shoulders and a strong square jaw that was probably deliciously sensitive. His hazel eyes were hidden behind thin wire frame glasses that only added to his charm, and his hair was to die for. Eddie usually prided himself on being the person with the best hair in the room, but this guy might have him beat. 

And, he was wearing a lemon sweater and a bright blue apron that had cat paws printed all over it. 

That shouldn’t have worked for Eddie. 

It was so working for him. 

“No worries,” Eddie said breathlessly, his heart still racing as he let the stranger move his face around as he pleased. All of his exhaustion had vanished at the speed of light, replaced by a warm feeling in his chest and a blush that was beginning to grow on his cheeks. 

“I don’t think anything is broken, thank god,” The man said, relieved. He stepped back and readjusted the sign that had been holding open the door to his shop, “Here, come inside and I’ll get you an ice pack. Maybe a lemon bar on the house? If you like lemons?” 

He seemed pretty nervous, and Eddie internally rolled his eyes, some of his attraction fading. Of course the guy was going over the top. He was probably worried that his little podunk shop was about to go under, all because a rockstar happened to crash into his open front door. 

“You don’t need to do all that. I’m not gonna like sue you or anything,” Eddie said, letting the tiny fluttering crush that had begun to bloom wilt once more. Once again he wasn’t real, just something to be gawked at. 

But the stranger wasn’t gawking. He was almost glaring. 

“Well, I would hope you weren’t thinking about suing me seeing as you walked into my door,” The man said, his voice dripping with derision. He even had his hands on his goddamn hips like some PTA mom. 

Wayne telling Eddie that no one in town would recognize him was one thing, but actually seeing that people wouldn’t know him simply by sight was another thing entirely. 

Since Corroded Coffin went viral in 2012, launching into stardom at the speed of light, Eddie had been forced to live with the fact that everyone knew he was. That was the tradeoff. You get everything you ever wanted, become a rockstar like every kid dreams of being, and the world gets to own you. At seventeen he had naively signed off on that, and now at twenty seven there was no way to go back and throttle that kid into actually thinking about the consequences. 

But the man in front of him had literally no clue who he was. 

It was strange. It was bizarre. It was like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.  

It was… enthralling.  

“You really don’t recognize me?” Eddie pressed, needing to be sure. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had pretended they didn’t know who he was. Lots of people wanted to get close to him for one reason or another. Eddie had to practice constant vigilance, or risk having everything he worked for blown apart. 

“Should I?” Apron Man asked, looking concerned. He raised a brow and looked around the fairly empty street, as if trying to parse out exactly why Eddie would be someone he should know. 

Wonderful. The beautiful man was in fact a rare angel that knew nothing about Eddie, and Eddie was now officially the weirdo who had not only smacked his face into the door, but also maybe threatened to sue and demanded that a total stranger recognize him. Just perfect.

“No um we’ve never- I’m-” Eddie cut off his fumbling with a groan, pulling his long curls in front of his face and wishing he could disappear off the face of the earth, “Sorry I must sound like a lunatic,”

“Or someone with a concussion. Trust me I’ve had plenty of them,” The man said with a kind smile. He put one foot in the doorway of his store and waved his hand behind him, “Come on in! I’ll check you out, and we can see about that lemon bar,” 

Eddie silently followed the man like a lost puppy, marveling at the inside of the store. It was a cafe, the walls painted a soft creamy yellow and decorated with hand drawn paintings of cats in various positions. There were tiny round tables with squashy arm chairs, and a high bar by the counter with comfy looking stools. 

The smell of cinnamon hung in the air, and Eddie’s entire body instantly relaxed. It was like sinking into a warm bath, everything in the room designed to put a person completely at ease. 

Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this. 

“Here. Welcome to Claudia’s,” The stranger said kindly, handing Eddie a blue freezer pack and gently pushing him towards one of the arm chairs. . 

“Thanks. I’m Eddie…” 

He trailed off, considering his next words. Eddie Munson. Even if the man didn’t know his face, he would probably know his name. Eddie Munson, lead singer of Corroded Coffin. Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll wrapped up into one real life person. He could be honest right now, tell this stranger the truth, and see how he changed once he knew. 

Or he could play a little game, get a little distance from the person he wasn’t sure he wanted to be anymore. 

“I’m Eddie.” He repeated, more firmly and more sure of his decision. 

“Well, Eddie, Eddie,” Apron Man teased, making Eddie’s cheeks heat up in a furious blush, “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Steve Harrington.” 

[audi0med1c]

Hey girl! Found you on tumblr! (I have the same icon on AO3 😋)

Just wanna say how much I love reading "Is It Over Now?". It's the first story I go to when I finally get in the reading mood!! ❤

I'm trying to avoid looking too much at your page rn cuz I haven't caught up and I don't want spoilers. 😆

You're a writing fiend! How do you keep your 'writer's block' at bay?

Thanks girl! 🫶🏼 I do recognize the icon😉

and the BIGGEST thing that keeps my writers block at bay is the fact that I have a creative collaborator for this story, @darkomen-carey (🙌🏼🤍🫶🏼🫠🥰)who I can always reach out to and tell her the scene I’m stuck on and why and then talk thru it together. Usually it’s because I’m struggling with conveying the proper emotions or HOW to bridge a scene into what’s coming next / how to setup other characters/their mindsets/etc. (and more often than not the solution is her giving me a virtual BONK over the head telling me I’m waaayyyy overthinking or over complicating whatever it is for no reason😭)

Having someone able to talk through things and give feedback or ask questions that help me formulate better visions in my mind is not only helpful but WAY more fun and enjoyable than struggling alone racking my brain for the right “thing/ dialogue/ scene” I can’t figure out.

**PERFECT example: I’ve struggled with writing a lot of Clarke POVs this deep into the story because it’s HARD for me to justify her mindset, how she can be SO OBTUSE and blinded to Lexa’s struggle and true feelings. (I don’t think you’re quite at this chapter yet or maybe you just passed it, the struggle/writers block hit hard writing Clarke’s bath tub spiral following the vegas trip/mall encounter) But @darkomen-carey relates to her better than I do and helps tell me what sort of things would likely be going through Clarke’s mind to drive her actions… and even threw together a quick visual for me (posting it below👇🏻) to help remind me of “how it all looked to Clarke” leading up to their breakup…. what triggered her paranoia spiral and this new lens she started seeing Lexa through that she’s not been able to really switch off since…..that really helped me settle into Clarke’s mind better to write her scenes.

She also sends random images/edits that either apply to later parts we’ve already discussed, therefore helping establish that scene/visual better for me once I get there, or inspires a new scene entirely bc I want to include those image somehow.

honestly my little celebrity idiots consume my thoughts and attention at ALL TIMES (to the detriment of most everything in my real life) so it’s just a constant loop of scenes and dialogues playing out, so whenever I do finally have time to sit down and write I’m never wondering WHAT happens next but more which scenes am I plucking out in what order… how to bridge them together the right way… what planned arcs/scenes maybe don’t make sense without adding on a bunch of other chapters haha

👇🏻The Video by @darkomen-carey showing “Prequel” Clexa spiral/ Clarke’s descent into paranoia that eventually lead to the breakup and why she views Lexa the way she does where the story picks up 2yrs later:

[madeofsweetness]

Book Talk Continuation @2pretty

I honestly loved reading your thoughts (the analogy to junk food was perfect!) and I agree with everything you said. The most beautiful thing you wrote was, "Our time should be spent in a way that makes us love life, not distracts from us living it." It’s the whole conclusion of the book really! I’ve noticed that many people in our generation are almost against the idea of this. They call everything cringe, make fun of people who are happy, disrespect anyone who doesn’t believe their nonsense, and try to drag others down. This is the problem of social media I guess and I’m sure you’ve talked about it before.

Also let me point out, the quote at page 202 is spot on! When I began to limit my sm usage and do No Social Media Sundays (thanks to you girl!), I felt anew. I now do not wanna spend no more than like 20 minutes on apps like twitter and tumblr cause it feels weird😭 Cultivating a life worth living is the ultimate freeing state to be in and a lot of these apps become extremely wasteful, once you start filling your schedule with higher quality activities. It’s just like Outkast said, you need to get up, get out and get something. Don’t let the days of your life pass by! 

I would love to hear about any habits you have or will do as well! But here are my habits I would like to implement after reading this book: 

Calling people instead of texting. Honestly, the only people I call are my family but when I make more friends, I want them to know, calling is my preferred method of communication. I want to be even more human again and only texting doesn’t allow for that. (Reference to page 145 about irl communication vs digital)

Printing or writing out directions instead of using google maps. I love google maps but I want to be able to have an internal compass, know which street will come after the other and be able to ask people around me for help like my parents do, without feeling so sure that “oh my phone will tell me”.

Only accessing social media on my laptop instead of through the apps. The apps are there to make the process convenient and addicting but I’m planning on using these apps for a sole purpose which means, I can’t keep caring about conveniency!

Only looking up words in my physical dictionary. As a kid, I loved reading my dictionary and encyclopedia but as technology progressed, it became easier to quickly open the next tab and search "what does [blank] mean?" without thinking. I honestly miss the feeling of cracking open a hardcover book and scanning through the words until I finally landed on what I was searching for. Plus I think dictionaries are good for truth/historical purpose, it’s not based in emotion ;) hehe

Buy photo albums again!! I still use disposable cameras so that’s not a problem, but instead of keeping my pics digital, I want to print them out from my phone and keep them safe in a beautiful family album like how my other memories are. I also was totally inspired by my mom bcs I seen her photo book from her teen years and it warmed my heart completely. Memories will always be cherished, even the silly ones. 

Praying 24/7. To talk, to reflect, to ask for guidance, etc. I’m realizing that praying isn’t to be done only when in a [blank] state of mind nor is it to be "perfect". (Direct reference to page 95)

Learning to not just whip out my headphones when I feel awkward. On page 100, I felt sooo called out when he said iPods created this way of living that now enables you to have a musical backdrop for your entire day lol. I love music too much to give it up whenever I’m outside especially since it helps with my emotions, but I do recognize that being plugged in constantly will not want to make people talk to me, and I want to look approachable and friendly!!

I eventually want to start taking 2 hour walks. That’s it.

Months ago, I wished badly to have love letters written about me from my future man haha, but I realized I could write myself love letters! I decided that every year I could write about what this year was about for me. I don’t know if I will still do that or if I’ll just write everything down in my journal and label that as my "love letter" but either way, I’m documenting off of my phone.

Just like when I was a kid, I now always carry a current book im reading, my word finder book and a notebook whenever I leave the house. Only problem is I need a bigger bag haha.

As a (Black) American, I think it’s crucial for me to learn the skills that my grandmother and great grandmother knew, things like sewing, quilting, and cooking without recipes lol, are what I want to know how to do as well. I think it’s a wonderful way to honor them and when I have my own family, I would love to teach my children too. These crafts should not be forgotten, it’s culture.

[seongminiz]

oh jeez😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 /pos i’m so dizzy at both scenarios omgg first off. the mattwoong sandwich plot with jiwoong filming u and matthew (his little sluts) and using u like that is so insane like imagine free use with dilf country club owner jiwoong like that?? like when he’s bored he seeks u both out and brings you together to “entertain” him like ur his toy barbie dolls .. this is getting so depraved but like fuck it i like to think u both (u and matt) got urselves way in over ur heads with ur dirty little games and if it isn’t the consequences of ur actions…

idk if this is too dubcon.. but i kinda like the slight aspect of coercion in terms of wanting to please jiwoong to keep ur job/membership at the club? and how humiliating would it be if he exposed all the nasty things you’ve been up to while ur supposed to be on the clock… sigh. anyways.

and omg everything u said for angel demon jumil. i rly love the idea of them holding u ‘hostage’ and threatening u with ur life😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 they’d loovvee how pathetic u’d be begging them for their cum so u don’t die :( like jeez that’s fucked up but i love it :(((

and the concept of juyeon literally losing his wings to commit himself to pleasuring u. definition of a service top lol. i want them both to use me as a fucktoy so bad so this + monsterfucking is so crazy. like i can’t even put it into words omg ffff😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

also slight side note. idk if u watched any of the fatal trouble promotions for enha, but i’ve seen a few screenshots from the relay and heeseung’s abs peeking out at one point?? i need to ride him so bad it’s so serious.

ur mean dom hoon thoughts too😵‍💫😵‍💫 i want mean dom enha hyung line i want all 4 of them to keep me as a pet we’re seeing a recurring theme here :( and use me to their will, be so mean to me that i never leave subspace and just exist to please them :( vampire hyung line living in a victorian castle and keeping u to feed off of and use for their pleasure??? probably been done before. but that’s also a thought.

- 🧁 anon

aaaaaaaaaaa idk where to start with this im going crazy 😵‍💫

no bc fuckkk jiwoong using u n matt as his own free porn like (!? #+_. im malfunctioning ,, also as u said , him threatening to expose every little depraved thing you've done for him , having all of it on video knowing your perfect little princess who has everyone wrapped around her finger reputation could be ruined in a split second .. making u suck his dick n apologize when you try to be bratty n defy him , taking a video everytime (which means he has a lot of them since he still hasn't fucked the brat out of u n probably never will)

n yesss 🫶🏻monsterfucking🫶🏻 tbh ik i alr said this but i should write more of it !!!

yesss i've seen that 0_0 feeling very much insane .. not only thinking abt riding hee , but riding his abs ?!?? that makes me even crazier

osmdbgj vampire hyung line ,, it all started when jake planned to only feed from u like all the other humans they've fed from for years , but theres just something abt you that makes him want to bring u back home n keep u all to himself ..... you're not particularly against it once you've gotten over the initial fear of jake being able to possibly kill u whenever he wants , but he won't be able to keep u from the others for long , after all they can recognize humans from smell alone , n your blood's specifically is so addicting they'll all start using u to both feed from u n fuck u ..

also ik we were talking abt the whole hyung line but mannnn this is making me think of vampire sunghoon so much 🫠 save me ..

[myfairkatiecat]

Directors Commentary on mirrored conflicts pls? 🥹

OOOOH ONE OF MY FAVORITE FICS THAT I AM WRITING!

The biggest challenge writing mirrored conflicts is that since it’s a Sokeefe AU, I have to set up the Sokeefe romance, which is only good if it’s in character—and these characters are SLOW. I can have Keefe immediately recognize how pretty Sophie looks, but that’s about IT as far as I can go given how long these idiots took when they started out as friends, and in the AU they start out as ENEMIES.

The plot is based significantly on the events of Lodestar, and everything up til then proceeded mostly the same as normal, just without Keefe existing. So when Sophie and Keefe interact, it’s within this context of the lodestar plotline with the symbol and the neverseen going after Sophie’s family and ultimately the peace summit. They’re also training at exillium to explode things with their minds, which definitely will make its way into this fic bc Shannon should use that more often. But at the same time Sophie is sort of investigating what’s going on with this “nemesis” character of hers who she kind of likes interacting with.

I try to get into the heads of the characters to move the romance along as fast as is actually realistic for these idiots, which is still PAINFULLY slow, but makes for a better fic! I was able to realistically get them over the “enemies” hurdle with their relatability with each other and the fact that both of them are suffocating under the expectations of their respective organizations and talking to someone who expects nothing of them is like a breath of fresh air, even if they ideologically disagree. Still, Sophie is SUPER careful—at least, until this most recent chapter—so getting her to even admit that they’re friends is terrifying for her, and I’m trying to portray that realistically! After all, they’re meeting in secret, and Sophie should theoretically be telling the black swan everything she finds out about her nemesis, but instead, she really likes him and doesn’t want to hurt him.

Getting the characters to a point where the romance can begin is DIFFICULT, because I’ve even gotten to the point where sophie admits that there’s no way she can stay away from him, but even then she’s only admitting that he draws her in. Keefe calls her a breath of fresh air in his narration. And they mean this all in a very friendly way, which again, getting them to admit that they’re FRIENDS is the first hurdle I have to get over, though I think we’re finally there!

Sophie throws caution to the wind in the latest chapter, deciding to fully trust Keefe—at least, outside of their organizational conflict. They sorts create their own world away from everything else where they can just exist, which BOTH OF THEM NEED, and sets up a very special and unique relationship between them that I think I achieved in a manner that realistic to their characters!

Keefe definitely falls first in every universe, and you can tell in the latest chapter that he’s closer to noticing her in that way, though he isn’t thinking about it like that. He’s drawn in by her and he knows there’s something about it that’s different than normal, though he isn’t sure what, and he has no trouble admitting that she’s “objectively beautiful” in his head because that doesn’t involve any of his own feelings (but what if it does?)

Sophie hasn’t noticed him romantically yet, but one of the most important aspects of Sokeefe is that it’s not Sophie’s internal narration that gives away how much she cares for Keefe, but her actions. Throughout all of canon, you can tell Sophie is in love with him even though she never once considers that she might have a crush on him until book 9, because her unconditional love was shown to the audience through her actions and then when she got to stellarlune she was like “oh… was that love? I think that’s love. I think I’m in love. “ which was like. FINALLY. But we already knew. She was the last to know, and I plan on making mirrored conflicts follow the same pattern! It’s clear to US that she’s in love, and at some point keefe does admit his own feelings to himself, but Sophie takes forever to realize how she really feels.

I adore writing this fic! Thank you for asking about it!

[planetpiastri]

congrats on returning to fic writing hehe! 💝 would u be able to do bouquet or pda from the valentines prompt list for fanboy? i love the way u write him

thank u anon!! i went with bouquet for this one bc i couldn't get one specific image out of my head lol. this was a lot of fun to write hope u enjoy! | [wc - 1.2k] | join my prompt party!

It wasn’t like Mickey to be late. I mean, with things like family brunches, or dinners, or group parties, yeah, sure, he wasn’t the most punctual. But with you it was different. With you, he was always right on time. No matter what.

But here it was, Valentine’s Day, and you were alone in your apartment, and he was late.

You knew that today was busy for him. He’d had brunch with his sisters, and then dinner with his parents across town, and after that he hadn’t been able to get out of going for a few beers with Hangman and the guys, but he’d promised to come over at nine o’clock on the dot. You guys didn’t even have anything particularly extravagant planned; probably just watching a movie and…well….

Anyways, it was nearly nine-fifteen now, and he was nowhere to be seen. An outgoing message sat in your thread, lonely and unread: Are you on your way? 

There was a heart-shaped box of chocolates open on the coffee table. There were chocolate-covered strawberries cooling in the fridge. You’d lit a couple candles. A stuffed teddy bear you intended to give to Mickey was sitting on the sofa next to you. She’s All That was queued up on the tv. Everything was ready. There was just one thing missing.

You checked your phone again even though it hadn’t buzzed. Still nothing.

It wasn’t like Mickey to be late.

As the clock ticked closer and closer towards nine-thirty, you contemplated calling him, decided against it, contemplated calling Natasha, decided against it, contemplated calling Hangman, and ultimately decided you just wanted to call it a night and be alone. You’d hear whatever apology Mickey had in the morning. Right now, you just wanted to go to bed.

You turned off the tv and blew out the candles, and just as you were moving to put the lid back on the chocolates, there was a pounding at your door so loud that you jumped.

You rushed to the foyer and yanked open the front door, an irritated admonishment prepared on your lips, but it fell away as soon as you saw who was there.

Mickey was standing in a nice jacket and jeans, his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. He was panting like he’d just ran a marathon, and when you stuck your head farther out the door, you couldn’t see his car parked anywhere in the driveway or on the street.

“Mickey? What—?” you started to say, but then he straightened up and your voice trailed away once more.

“I’m…sorry…” He wheezed. “Hangman…stole…keys…wouldn’t let…me leave…. Ran…all the way…here…. I’m so sorry….”

And in his hand was a cluster of flowers that you recognized as belonging to your neighbor at the end of the street. They were wilted from his run, some snapped in the middle, but the sight of them nearly brought tears to your eyes. 

He looked at them, realized what poor shape they were in, and his face fell. “Oh no,” he sighed. “I wanted to—oof.”

You flung yourself into his arms, holding him close. He was warm from his run, and his chest was still heaving, but he was here. After a moment, you felt him toss the flowers down and wrap his arms around you, cradling you tightly against his chest.

“I thought you forgot,” you admitted quietly.

“Are you kidding?” he asked, his breath finally coming back. “This is all I’ve looked forward to all day.”

You stepped back, shoving his shoulder gently. “Why didn’t you call me when you knew you were gonna be late?”

Mickey blinked dumbly at you like a deer in headlights, and then his lips quirked sideways in an embarrassed smile. “Because…I’m an idiot? And I forgot? And was just focused on running as fast as I could?”

A laugh bubbled out of your chest of its own volition, and as Mickey smiled sheepishly, you grabbed his face in your hands and kissed him deeply. He made a soft, contented noise in the back of his throat, and his hands splayed across your spine, pulling you closer to him. One of your hands threaded through his close-cropped hair, holding his head in place as your mouths moved together, and you arched forward so that your chests were touching from shoulder to sternum.

He tilted his head and groaned, and your mouth fell open for him. One of his hands tightened at your waist, and the relief and affection you felt for him combined into something heady and intense, replacing every anxiety you had with insatiable want. 

You staggered backwards, pulling him with you into the house. He made a soft, surprised noise and broke away, saying, "But the flowers—"

"We'll get another bouquet later," you said, shutting the door. As soon as you did, his mouth was back on yours and his hands were tracing your sides, pressing you gently against the door.

You shoved his shoulders, pushing him deeper into the house without breaking contact. As the two of you careened off the walls and stumbled deeper into the living room, Mickey pulled away to glance around the room and catch his breath. He was already winded, but his eyes were bright and he was smiling as he panted, "Oh, hey, you decorated—”

You kissed him again, swallowing his words, and continued moving across the rug, pulling him by his shirt. He laughed against your lips, fumbling with his coat. When your legs hit the back of the sofa, you tumbled backwards onto the cushions, breaking away long enough for Mickey to finish taking off his jacket. 

You scooted back, giving him room to join you, and moved the teddy bear gingerly onto the table. Mickey’s eyes followed the movement, and he said, “Aw, is that for me?”

“Would you get down here?” you demanded, fighting back a laugh.

“Hold on, hold on, I haven’t taken my shoes off,” he protested, fumbling with the laces.

“Mickey,” you said, your voice stern.

He stood up and gestured around the room. “You set all this up! We had a nice evening planned. What about the movie?”

“Mickey,” you said slowly, leaning forward and enunciating clearly, “forget—the—movie.”

“Oh,” he said, his eyebrows lifting. And then, again: “Ohh.”

“Yes,” you said with a nod, grinning. “Oh.”

He leaned down and kissed you softly, his hand cradling the back of your head, but just as you reached up for the hem of his shirt, he pulled away again. You fought the urge to sigh heavily as he said, “I just ran, like, thirteen blocks. I’m gonna go clean up real quick, but then I promise—we’ll do Valentine’s right. I’ll make it up to you.”

He started down the hall towards the bathroom, already undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“Okay,” you said, dramatically falling back on the couch and watching him go. “I’ve waited this long. I can wait a little longer. I’ll just find some way to entertain myself.”

Mickey froze and turned to you, his hands stilling halfway through the buttons. When he saw the teasing smile on your face, he pointed an accusatory finger at you and said, “Thirty seconds. Time me.” Then he turned and ran into the hall, skidding into the bathroom and out of sight.

You threw your head back and laughed at his antics, reaching for the remote again as the faucet turned on. As you got comfortable on the sofa and waited for him to come back out, you thought of the flowers on the front stoop. 

It wasn’t like Mickey to be late, but he always found some way to make it up to you.

[writinandcrying]

2007 TMNT Movie Review

ok so i watched 2007 movie for the first time (ive read about it and seen some scenes, but never watched the whole thing) anyways finally got a hold of myself and watched it! Specially bc of 3 reasons

1- i need to cuz to fr wtf

2- bc of a certain match up 👀 @melancholysway

3- aaaand I wanted to visualize better a 10 part scenario COF COF @melancholysway hi babe

i decided to write down my comments (i usually dont comment on movies but me and jas talked SO MUCH about it i wanted to do this lmao) basically if you have seen the film (and love it like a certain someone) you will be able to recognize the scenes from the my comments without detailed description, TW spoilers if you havent watched it!

Leo’s voice is HOT. mmhhmmOHMYGOD

Raph's movements and bike scenes are so smooth I love it

“sir im not playing hard to get this is not that kind of phoneline” ON A CHILDRENS MOVIE???????? KHBADKNJLJ

Donnie with his huge ass googles he’s so cute

APRIL???? SHORT HAIR APRIL?? CHANNEL APRIL??? SUIT APRIL??? Move aside Casey im down on one knee

I love the entrance to the lair, also I love when tmnt versions mix like subway stations with he sewers you know? Gives a perception that it isn’t so gloomy where they live and all

“I can’t even sleep without the sound of the subway rumbling above my head, i guess that’s what you get when you grow up on a house full of brothers” soft king we love to see it

Leo jumping out of a plane - AGAIN - like on the bayverse movies, every version he’s an adrenaline rookie istg

Raph diving on the elevator was fucking badass ngtl

SPLINTER SINGING WHILE 1 SECOND AGO THEY WERE ALL BEEFING LMAO PEAK SIBLING REP

Leo mispronouncing nightwatcher like a 40 y/o

Thinking out loud here I kinda wanted to know how they defeated The Shredder tho 

im gonna be honest...... besides rottmnt April..... i dont usually dig her, i always thinks theres some spice laking to her character, (bayverse included, sorry Megan Fox my queen) idk it feels the writers always go for miss perfect with her which doesn't give the character some interesting characteristics besides being "the perfect girl who's also the only one in the group" its lazy writing and it pisses me off. but this April??? i kinda like it! and her 2 LIL BUNS WHILE SHES TRAINING JDNJLA SHES SO CUTE

- “WHAT WAS THAT?” ”did I mention we ran into a monster last night’?” “oh you forgot buddy, did you also forget I only have a WODEN BAT?” im loving this Casey lmao 

“And now we got walking statues??? You got a plan for those?””hey those are a first for me too” WHO WROTE THIS MOVIE

Thinking out loud here part 2 the comeback - Like the only thing I miss is a more mature mikey I think? Everyone sort of grew up and have more mature lines, and he still on the "Yo dude” teenage phase, like idk if feels they all are in their mid/late 20s and Mikey still a 16 y/o :/ I wish writers would give him more development, or more clever lines? like clever pun lines if he's gonna be the comedy relief. anyways the only show I’ve seen doing more than just "dumb funny guy"for mikey is rottmnt 

Warn me next time, I got allergies - Casey I love you fr 

I wish they kept the birthday cake scene cuz the interaction with donnie, splinter aaaand Mikey is priceless

April and Casey apartment tho oh my 

Leo didnt even tell April or Casey that he came back????? bro??

THE DRAMAAAAAA with Raph and Leo omg seriously its like me and my sister but 10 times worse lmao

I love the background music is like… so early 2000s teens movie fhnsjdinaouji I know its an early 2000s teen movie but the music they be listening in the radio IS like.. something you would listen to in “she's the man” soundtrack and it makes it more realistic to the era it was made u feel 

*Makes passive aggressive comment about Raph*” “ok Leo whatever you say no one was talking about him” it goes b u s t e d you are busted

ABSOLUTELY LOVE when the movie starts playing badass music with radio police talking in the background and raph turns to the camera like its the office and simply says “they are playing my song”

Raph being done that Leo first idea when meeting the night watcher was to give him a lecture LMAO

I hate that Leo won the fight but the “good night dark prince” took me ujnnaojnjkl shut up Leonardo oh my god u r annoying *tucks hair*

*un-tucks hair* Bro I SWEAR I hate when Leo on any tmnt say they are better than Raph SHUT UP OH MY GOD

“Dont do this raph” “im done taking orders” PRESIDENTIAL ALERT THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING 10 bucks on Raph 

MY MAN BROKE THE GODDAMN KATANAS YEEEEES RAPHAEEEEEL

*raphs eyes soften after winning* and it was in this moment, he knew he fucked up

*runs away crying after fucking up an argument due angry issues*

Shut up Master Splinter speech to Raph made me emotional 

THE AMOUNT OF FOOT SOLDIERS THEY ARE FIGHTING ON THE PATIO THING 

April and Karai fighting (2 seconds) more culturally significant than the whole renaissance

Mikey and Casey having a special high five and APRIL PINCHING HIS ASS AAAAAAAAAAAA

“I presume this is the vortex for another dimension””cool. I want one” relatable 

Karai helping them - once again im in one knee

Leo did NOT say come to daddy oh my god that’s actually embarrassing

April driving poorly while arguing with Casey and karai + foot soldier in the back barely moving like its their emo children being forced into a family road trip gives me so much joy 

aaaaaand the movie is over! honestly there were some parts i didnt see it coming and udsjnounsoa like the little things they got away with it while being a children movie is surprising, sucks they couldnt make the other 3 movies :(

if you read all of this, first of all thank you and this for you:

[whiteteadreams]

I Wanna Be Yours

Pairing: Idol!Johnny Suh x Idol!Female Reader

other characters- Junko (member of Y/n's group) x Kim Doyoung

Preview: The little puck sized lights illuminated Johnny’s face, you felt your ears slightly perk when he licked his bottom lip, and soon enough you had leaned forward and planted your lips onto the older male’s.

He gasped but still pulled you closer. Johnny let himself indulge in you before he remembered that after this, he’d have to face the consequences. Your overheated body quickly cooled down when Johnny pushed you away. It felt like someone had stabbed you in the heart and twisted the knife, twisted the knife until you were nothing. This man, whom you only met in real life a month ago already had you so captivated in his presence.

You weren’t experienced in kissing whatsoever, but you could’ve sworn that he had kissed back, even just for a little bit.

Word Count: 7.3k

Genre: Idol AU, Celebrity crushes to lovers (?) 

Warnings: Age gap (9 years, Johnny is 27, reader is 18), smut, fluff, slight angst, cursing/mature language, acts and mentions of drinking, reader is drunk at one point, reader and junko realize that they are sexualized, reader has ties to America (race isn't specified and neither is original country), possessiveness, haechan has a crush on reader but almost everyone does, not 100% proofread, let me know if i missed anything

Smut Warnings: Loss of virginity, slight body worship (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), slight humiliation, praising, having to be kinda quiet, oral (f receiving), it is pretty mild, not much foreplay bc it's kinda boring to write imo

a/n- if you’ve watched new girl, you might recognize a scene or at least the inspiration for it, let me know if you catch it! i binged watched new girl over the summer and when i finished it i had no idea what to do with my life afterwards. this has been brewing for a while and the smut scene took forever to start idk why. i hope you like it tho!!

There you were, dressed like the front of a casino and shaking your ass along with your group members. But no one was actually looking at them, all eyes were on you, and only you. The audience was mesmerized by you, and it was no different for the people watching you from home. Especially eight men specifically who were hypnotized by the way your hips swayed from side to side, except one man, he was able to hide his desire much better than the others.

The Dreamies were all next to Johnny with their eyes glued to the screen, Jisung, Chenle, and Mark were sitting on the floor, Jaemin, Jeno, and Haechan sitting on the couch with Johnny and Renjun sitting on the armrest on Johnny’s side. How he ended up babysitting the man children, he didn’t know, but they were watching you perform, and therefore, he couldn’t complain.

Haechan was the one that was harboring the huge crush on you, but Johnny couldn’t shake the sweet spot in his heart for you when he had found out that he was your celebrity crush.

“Now, Miss Y/n, what fellow celebrity has caught your pretty little eyes?” The host wiggled his eyebrows at you playfully and waited for you to answer his question. You giggled a bit and stuttered when you said his name. “J-Johnny Suh, from NCT.”

Haechan, who of course refused to miss a single video of you whipped his head around to look at Johnny. The tall man could’ve sworn that this was how he died, after Haechan broke his own neck from snapping it to look at Johnny, he was then going to break the latter’s.

Both men’s cheeks held a red tone to them, both for different reasons though. Haechan was furious, his celebrity crush liked his own friend and Johnny’s was because you liked him. The world’s sweetheart liked him.

The memory was ruined when he heard Haechan grumbling beside Jeno about how it was unfair that you liked Johnny and not him. “Dude, it isn’t my fault. I’ve never even met the girl.” Johnny was kind of tired of Hyuck complaining. He had started to do his own research on you and found out what kind of person you were like, or how you seemed, some people are different when the camera is around.

Based on your personality, he felt his own crush harboring, the main problem was the age gap though. Him being 27 and you at the ripe age of 18. He hated that your age was the initial reason you were so popular, and he felt sick for the feelings he had attained for you, so to save you both, he hid them as deep within him as he could. It shouldn’t be too hard since you two don’t even know each other.

That was the reason why he wasn’t worried, but that went to shit when he saw you and a few of your other members sitting at the large oak table in the conference room the next day. Fuck.

Johnny, Haechan, Doyoung, Kun, and Jisung were sent an email that very morning stating that they were to meet in the conference room at 3 PM, no later. None of them knew what it was for, there had been rumors around the company that some members of a group would be collaborating with another artist or group, but again, it was just a rumor. Until now.

He looked over at his other members, eyes immediately landing on the younger ones, specifically Haechan. Johnny prayed his aura was much calmer and more mature than Haechan’s at this moment, Haechan was a blushing and sweaty mess, all while damn near jumping on his toes.

“Gentlemen! Thank you so much for meeting us here, we’re very excited for this collaboration!” Your group’s manager was the first to speak up. “Oh course sir! We wouldn’t have missed this for the world!” Haechan bowed in front of the older man as low as he could without getting on his knees.

The other guys, even Jisung, could barely resist the desire to roll their eyes at his eagerness to impress your manager. Anything to get closer to you. The rest of the members gave their respective bows, though not as dramatic as Haechan’s and then nodded to the members of your group that were present.

“Well, let’s get down to business, this is going to be a quick collaboration, one song, and a dance to go with it. It will hopefully be done by the end of the month, which we are aware that isn’t a lot of time so you all will be spending quite a lot of time together.” One of the men that worked for SM Entertainment spoke up to let everyone know what was going to happen.

Haechan and even Jisung at this point were unable to sit still in the chairs that were closest to yours. You just looked over to them subtly when you heard one of their knees hit the table. But your eyes drifted to Johnny, he looked so good. His hair newly dyed grey gave him a, dare you say, dilf look to him. Subconsciously you crossed your legs to soothe the new ache between your thighs, needed to feel some kind of friction, you squeezed your thighs together.

You weren’t able to catch anything else with of the managers said, you were too busy thinking about Johnny, in several different ways.

When the man you were actively daydreaming about turned his head and made eye contact with you, you whipped your head around towards your manager, trying to look like you had been listening. One of the members of your own group that was beside you watched the whole thing go down and lightly elbowed you and threw a knowing smirk your way.

Your skin felt like it was on fire from the embarrassment, but since you refused to look Johnny’s direction for the rest of the meeting, you missed the light blushed that decorated his cheeks and the small smile that formed on his lips.

“Okay! So, did everyone get everything?” You, who were lost, looked at everyone else’s nodding heads and decided to nod yours too. The only thing that was going through your head was Johnny. You just figured you’d ask one of your members.

One of your managers passed around sheets of paper that consisted of the lyrics you could be singing, and he told you a link would be emailed to you with the choreography.

Everyone was dismissed from the table and the five members of your group that was collaborating with the NCT members walked out first, due to being almost late to schedules. The member that had playfully elbowed you during the meeting, Junko caught up with you and linked your arms together.

“Aren’t you excited?” She smiled brightly at you and gave your arm a little squeeze. “Yeah, mostly nervous though.” Sheepishly, you smiled at your best friend in the group. “I’m sure Johnny won’t mind if you mess up your guys’ dance a bit.” You felt your back straighten as a chill ran through it.

“What do you mean our dance?” Junko nodded as she put the small puzzle together, you hadn’t been paying attention. You didn’t know. “Yeah, there will be a part in the dance where we’re in duos and you and Johnny will be together. I’m with Doyoung.” She smiled at the mention of the older man, as she has always found him immensely beautiful. Your brows furrowed and you were now leaning on Junko for support while your group and managers waited for the driver.

“Is that why he looked at me in the meeting?” Junko nodded and after that the two of you held onto each other as the chilled wind nipped at your skin.

The rest of the day was a blur, your mind had gone onto auto-pilot until the rest of the girl group asked if Junko and you wanted to go out clubbing, of course the two of you said no. After your refusal, they touched up their makeup and headed out into the bustling night life of Seoul.

“How about we look at the song and choreo, maybe Johnny and Doie would be like ‘damn these youngsters got their shit together, and they’re hot’ and they’ll fall madly in love with us”. Junko threw a smile over her shoulder at you while she got her laptop. “Solid plan, I love it, fool proof if you will. And Doie? You’re on nickname terms with him already?” She laughed and walked over to your bed, ignoring her own and fell beside you.

“Oh of course, it isn’t like I haven’t spoken to this man before and he isn’t already in love with me.” You smiled at her, realizing just how glad you are that you two clicked. Both being the only foreigners in the group did help, the unspoken pact was something that brought you two together before you had even spoken to one another.

Junko told you about how her parents moved them from Japan to America when she was seven, she was scouted during a public talent contest while she was 13 and instead of moving to Korea, she started training at the company’s building in the states.

You two met when you were asked to step aside for a second. The two of you were told you’d be debuting with 10 other girls, the only problem was that they were in Korea and you, and Junko couldn’t speak a lot of Korean yet, only enough to get by.

Junko and you were in this together, always having your arms linked, you two were going to rise together. Both of you found comfort in each other, being able to speak English helped, and you two had the type of bond where you didn’t have to try too hard, you could relax around each other. You’ve been best friends for six years now.

“Okay, let’s see what type of silly little dance we gotta do with these boys.” You clicked on the link that was in the email and the screen changed to show 10 dances, with names of everyone that was in the meeting today.

The ones that had the names “Johnny” and “Y/n” edited above them were sitting on the floor with their backs to each other. “Doyoung” and “Junko” were just facing each other.

The video started and a slow and somewhat sexy song started playing, the lyrics weren’t including but now finally looking at the paper of them in front of you, you didn’t expect this type of song at first.

With wide eyes and dropped jaws, the video ended. “I gotta grind on him?” Your voice had gone high, flustered and surprised. Junko laughed but it still didn’t mask her own sense of being startled. “We have to run our hands down their chests, get on our knees in front of them, and moan into their mouths.” You and Junko were gobsmacked. “Let me see those lyrics.”

Junko reached over you and snatched the color-coded paper and looked for blue, orange, pink, and red, you, hers, Johnny’s, and Doyoung’s lyrics. Alternating blue and orange caught her eyes and one of her eyebrows raised and she barked out a laugh. “What? Give me it.” You tried taking the paper back and something made Junko laugh even harder.

“You say that- you say that to J-Johnny.” She was damn near wiping tears at this point. While Junko was trying not to piss herself on your bed, you took back the lyrics and sure enough, she was correct. ‘Give it, give it to me. I need it.’ You sung that to Johnny, and he responded with, ‘Take it, take it all.’

Junko and Doyoung actual part that wasn’t just adlibs was softer and a bit more romantic. ‘Please baby, I need you, can’t live with your touch. Can’t live without you.’ Doyoung would sing that part and Junko would follow up with ‘Mind, body, soul, trust me, I’m yours. Use me as you please.’

Now it was your turn to laugh, “Use me as you please?” Junko and you kept making fun of the lyrics of the song through the night, eventually duetting your parts, with the other playing the male, then you two decided to add in the dance.

Junko attempted her deepest voice and sung Johnny’s part and grabbed your hips. When it was time for you to grind back into her, she let out a deep and manly groan. You fell to the floor and kicked your feet. “Junko! What the fuck?” You laughed as she fell to the ground with you.

“Our parents are gonna be pissed.” Junko whispered once the laughter died down. “I did not leave our home so you could go off and whore around on stage with a man much older than you Y/n.” You gave your best impression of your father and that’s when the age gap of you and Johnny sunk in. It had meant to be funny but both you and Junko realized how young you two really were. You were 18 and Junko had just turned 19 and your company wanted you to dance somewhat erotically with two men that had almost a decade on you.

Another thing that brought you and Junko together were your ages, the next youngest member was still almost 3 years older than Junko, you two were always left home when the other’s wanted to go clubbing, so much so that even now that you were old enough, you didn’t care enough.

Staring at the ceiling and thinking about what was happening in your lives was what the rest of your night consisted of. “Junko?” “Hm?” You looked over at her and smiled, “I’m sleepy.” “Me too”, neither of you moved to a bed though. Junko grabbed your pillows and you pulled some of the blankets of your beds.

“Good night, Y/n, I love you.” Junko smiled in the darkness, “Night night, Junie.”

~~~~~~

This calm nights with Junko didn’t always occur when the other members went out clubbing, sometimes they would drag you along. Much like tonight. While you were watching girl after girl hit on Johnny from across the room, you kept downing drinks until your head spun. People kept coming up to you, either asking for an autograph which you gave, but others asked you to dance, with a smile that was promising something else, something you didn’t want.

You were getting overwhelmed and hot, too many people were too close to you, while Junko was dancing with Doyoung and your other members were downing drinks, the only thing you wanted to do was go outside. So you did that, in your drunken state and four-inch heels, you could barely make it to the door.

At last, you made it to the door and walked out and as soon as you felt the cool air on your bare arms, you felt your sweat solidify on your skin.

The music was causing your ears to ring and the streetlights was making your head spin. You knew it wasn’t a good idea, but you still allowed your feet to walk you into the dark alley and sit down. The part of town you were in was high end and you didn’t feel unsafe or maybe it was because you were so drunk you didn’t know what day of the week it was.

Leaning your head back against the brick, you closed your eyes and inhaled dirty smoke-filled air and exhaled.

“Whatcha doing back here?” Johnny peeked his head around the corner so he could peer into the alley behind the club. You let your head roll to the side and your glossy eyes met his. Getting straight to the point you whined, “I want a donut, Johnny” you lips unintentionally formed into a pout and the man just couldn’t say no to you. “Then let’s get you a donut.”

He slowly walked over to you, trying not to spook you, but when you met him halfway by crawling on your hands and knees. The sight of you on the ground, crawling to him looking up with those glossy, half lidded eyes, and lazy smile, he tried his best to keep the perverted thoughts in the back of his head, or at least away from his cock.

“Come on, let’s get you off the ground and get you that donut.” Johnny bent down to your level and just looked at you for a minute. You were just so pretty, and he didn’t feel special for noticing that everyone noticed you.

“Can you carry me on your back?” You quietly asked, almost embarrassed. “You don’t have to, it’s just, my feet hurt from the heels, and I think I’m drunk.” Johnny laughed at how you thought you needed a reason, but he still nodded and turned around, still squatting.

With your drunken mind, it took longer to hop on his back than it would normally, but you eventually got there, and Johnny wrapped his hands around your thighs and held on tightly to secure you from falling. When he stood back up to his full height, your grip on his shoulders tightened. “You alright back there?”

Humming and nodding, you nuzzled your face into his neck, while you were cold from the night air, Johnny was still warm from being in the club.

“Let’s go find you a donut and then we’ll get you to bed, does that sound good?” “Yes, Johnny.”

He had no idea where the two of you were going to get the sweet treat that was normally served at breakfast time this late in the night. Johnny knew that an actual donut shop would be closed so his best bet would be the grocery store that just a block or two away.

Johnny made sure to tell you whenever stairs or a curb was so you wouldn’t get startled by the sudden incline or decline. He liked the feeling of your grip on him tightening whenever he gave you the heads up, he liked the feeling of you holding onto him and only him.

The feeling had to end at some point unfortunately, Johnny’s long legs caused you two to arrive quickly and he crouched down so you could step down from his back. You still stayed close to his side, using him to protect yourself from the bitter wind.

“I know it isn’t a donut from a donut shop but how’s a grocery store bakery donut? We can get you another donut in the morning from a store if you’d like.” Instead of answering you just started walking towards the automatic doors, as you passed Johnny you took his hand in yours and pulled him along for the hunt of the sugary drunken late-night snack.

Every time you were about to trip over your own feet, Johnny was there, following close behind to catch you. The few bystanders all showed mix expressions. Some were judgmental, confusion, or awe. But Johnny gave all of them a polite tight-lipped smile along with a nod. He didn’t have time for any of them, his main priority was getting you your donut.

It wasn’t too long before you stumbled into the bakery section and saw the glass cabinet that’s normally filled with the fried pieces of dough covered in sweet glaze and sprinkles. But with how late it was, there were only a few donuts left in the case. Johnny felt his heart sink in his chest when he saw you didn’t have many options, he looked over to you to apologize but you were already grabbing one of the parchment paper sleeves and opening the case.

“They still have my favorites!” You looked behind you at Johnny and smiled brightly. He couldn’t help but smile back, glad that you’re happy. Johnny walked closer to you and the case, curious to see what your favorite donuts were, you used the parchment sleeve to grab a plain donut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles and then a French cruller with cherry frosting.  

You put them in the small box next to the case and turned towards Johnny. “I got my donuts!” You shook the box lightly at him and he chuckled. “I’m glad, let’s go pay for your donuts.” He held out his hand, expecting you to place the box in his open palm, but he was pleasantly surprised when you switch the box to our left and placed your right hand in his left.

The only register that was open was a young kid, maybe your age or a couple years in either direction. He was on his phone until he saw you and Johnny approach. “Hi, how are you guys doing- are you Y/n L/n?” You smiled a gummy smile at the boy and nodded your head. Your once up-do hairstyle was falling down and into your eyes.

“I am! And this is Johnny Suh! We are here to buy donuts.” You placed the box in front of the boy and started digging through your purse for your card, you were struggling with the zipper and as soon as you were able to find your card the sound indicating the transaction was finished beeped through the air.

The kid was in awe of you, or at least the drunk you, whenever you drank your skin glowed more than normal and you had a carefree aura surrounding you. The kid seemed to understand that taking a picture with you while you were drunk probably wouldn’t be the best for your career, so he settled with just silently looking at you.

“Have a great rest of your guy’s nights, it was nice meeting you two.” He smiled at you a Johnny and handed you back the box of donuts.

You leaded Johnny back outside and spotted a bench a few feet from the entrance. “Let’s eat them here.” You still haven’t let Johnny’s hand go, so when you started walking to the bench, he was pulled along. “Which one do you want?”

Showing Johnny the open box, he slightly frowned and shook his head, “They’re yours, I can’t have one.” It was your turn to frown now. “We can split them.” You looked down at the donuts in your lap and tore each one in half. Giving Johnny the chocolate half first, you cheers him with your own half.

“Thank you, Johnny”, you leaned your body on him, stealing his warmth.

When you woke up, you were in your own bed, Junko was in her bed on the other side of the room, with an extra body in it. Doyoung. This made you think of Johnny who wasn’t next to you, unfortunately, or at least that’s what you thought until you heard a small snore come from the floor. Johnny had stayed with you.

You watched him for a minute before the urge to be next to him took over. You moved your pillows and blankets to the floor much like you did with Junko and laid next to Johnny. The time on your alarm clock read 3:32 AM.

You heard Johnny whisper your name; he must’ve felt you get on the floor next to him. “Yeah?” Johnny didn’t respond, he just pulled you closer.

~~~~~~

The rest of your nights didn’t end up as nice as cuddling with Johnny in your bedroom or laughing with Junko, they ended with pained moans and tired feet. The only reason you weren’t complaining was because, dancing with Johnny is what caused the pained moans and tired feet. Everyone had been dancing towards the deadlines for everything and it was starting to show in your mood.

Of course Junko knew how to handle it, but Johnny? No clue. He knew how to handle his own members, but he didn’t want to mess up anything with you, so he just act the same way as he did before. He asked Junko for any tips for helping you feel better, and she gave him a couple but then turned around and told you that he asked later that night. Just hearing that information was enough to pull you out of your slump and your normal personality made its return.

Soon enough everything was wrapped up and your company parted ways with SM Entertainment, but that didn’t stop the members from getting together. Every comeback meant a dorm party thrown by your group. You hated parties no matter where they were, but Junko didn’t mind them if they were in the comfort of her own place, as long as no one touched anything.

Just because this was a collab didn’t change the fact that your dorm was going to throw a party as a celebration, it just meant more people were going to be there. You all had the dance down, the music video was finished, not to mention the song, perfect. The deadlines were met, and companies were pleased.

Johnny had been late to the party but when he arrived, he went looking for you immediately, only to find no trace of you. Your group’s dorms were filled with people, some you knew and others you didn’t, that didn’t matter though, you were still nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, do you know where Y/n went?” Johnny asked Junko, who was talking to Doyoung in a quieter corner, to which she responded with, “Our room, fourth door on the left.” He just nodded and started his way through the sea of sweaty people.

Fourth door on the left.

It didn’t take him any time to get there with his large steps but what did take a while was him building up the courage to knock on your door. When he finally did, it took a few seconds for a familiar and curious gaze to appear from behind the door and look into his eyes.

“Hi Johnny, do you need anything?” You still didn’t open your door wide enough for him to see inside, just enough for your head to pop out. “Um-” he didn’t this through, he had no idea what he was going to saw, he just wanted to see you. “-I just noticed you were gone and came to check on you. Are you not having fun, you’re hiding away in your room?”

His heart rate picked up when he heard your quiet giggle, but then his heart rate spiked again once he found himself being pulled into your room, out of the crowded and loud hallway, and into a place that seemed forbidden, sacred even.

You and Junko’s room was cold, much colder than the rest of the dorms, and it was dark, except for the small lights in the shape of hockey pucks that were sat upon various surfaces around the room. There were a few things that stuck out to him, the show that was playing, Gilmore Girls, your closet door was open, and he could see several sweaters, mostly brown and green, and then the giant ball of yarn that was being turned into one of said sweaters.

“Which episode are you on?” You had sat back onto your bed while Johnny took in his new surroundings. “At this point Rory has already dropped out of Yale and is well in her process of having one of the worst character developments in the history of weekly television.”

You felt secure with Johnny and immediately cleared off a spot on your bed for him, you wanted him to be close to you. He smiled at you and climbed onto your bed after you got comfortable. 

A couple minutes of silence passed, you switched back and forth between watching the show and watching your crocheting, Johnny was just watching you though. He couldn’t keep it in. “You’re so pretty.”

Your eyes widened and you looked over at him not sure what to say. “Thank you, Johnny, you are too.”  

The little puck sized lights illuminated Johnny’s face, you felt your ears slightly perk when he licked his bottom lip, and soon enough you had leaned forward and planted your lips onto the older male’s.

He gasped but still pulled you closer. Johnny let himself indulge in you before he remembered that after this, he’d have to face the consequences. Your overheated body quickly cooled down when Johnny pushed you away. It felt like someone had stabbed you in the heart and twisted the knife, twisted the knife until you were nothing. This man, whom you only met in real life a month ago already had you so captivated in his presence.

You weren’t experienced in kissing whatsoever, but you could’ve sworn that he had kissed back, even just for a little bit.

Too upset to be embarrassed, you let out a childish whine and opened your mouth to ask him what the matter was. But before you could get another word or sound out, Johnny was already answering.

"Because you're just so young”, there it was, the knife being ripped out. Of course though, you didn’t see the problem. "But you said you liked me and thought I was pretty." 

"I do and you are, that still doesn’t stop me from hating the way I think about you sometimes, because it makes me feel just as bad as the men that send those perverted messages to you." Both grimacing at the mention of the messages, you still didn’t see the problem though. You liked that it was Johnny who felt that way about you. He wasn’t a stranger, he wasn’t gross, he wasn’t some old man watching your fancams while cumming onto their cell phone screens. He was Johnny.

You didn’t know for sure about that last thing, but even if he was like that, you’d be able to get past it because he was Johnny, "You're nothing like them Johnny, you have respect for me and like me for who I am."

"There are some thoughts I've had that haven't been so respectful." Johnny isn't looking at you anymore, too afraid to see your reaction at his words. He had moved from sitting up, to move down so he had room to lay on his back. Your ceiling had a skylight in it, so you were able to look up at the sky as you fell asleep, and you saw that was where Johnny’s eyes were as well.

You scooted over closer to him so you could lay on your stomach, half on him and half on the bed, while you took in his facial features you started drawing shapes across the wide span of his chest. At first, he tensed up, nervous to have you this close and control himself, but he quickly realized that this domestic position was peaceful. Then you asked the question he was dreading, all while looking at him with bedroom eyes. "Like what thoughts?" 

"Don't look at me like that Y/n." Respecting his wishes, you looked away from his face and casted down to view where your hand was placed on his chest. 

"It's fine Johnny, we wouldn't be able to do anything anyways." You were sitting up now with your legs hanging off the bed. Johnny placed his hand on your lower back and moved his thumb in circles. "I'm not trying to pry, but why do you say that?"

"I've never done it before, Johnny." Your head was hanging down, as if you were ashamed. And you were. You had just admitted to the man you desired that you were a virgin.

But for Johnny, his demeanor changed, he was feeling more protective and possessive over you. No way he was going to let Haechan touch you. The weight of the bed shifted as Johnny sat up halfway, you felt his large hand on your left hip. His touch burned your skin in the most wonderful way imaginable.

“Johnny” you whispered as you looked behind you and at him. His eyes were different this time around though, they showcased lust and a look that only could be explained as a predator looking at its prey. “What do you want sweetheart? Tell me what you want me to do.” Your mouth hung open, just slightly in surprise of what you were hearing.

Whimpering, you quietly requested the one thing that made Johnny truly snap completely, “I want you to fuck me, I want you to be my first.” You also wanted him to be your only, but you’d take him in any way you could get him.

His touch was removed from your side and the small fire he lit on your skin still burned hot with the way he was looking at you. He stood up from his spot and moved in front of you to bend down to your level. “If at any point you want me to stop or go even slower, just tell me. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

You felt like you were unable to speak but when you just nodded, Johnny lightly but sharply tapped your thigh. The slap made you jump and the wet patch in your panties grow. “I’m going to need words sweetheart. Are you sure you still want to do this?” Johnny was looking right into you, seemingly into your soul. You remembered his rule and despite how dry your mouth felt, you managed to whisper out a yes.

“Good girl.” Johnny said as he kneeled on the bed, leaning over you. His lips ghosted yours and the gasp you let out caused Johnny to smile. And the smile didn’t go away when you leaned in to press your lips to his.

“Can I take off your clothes baby? Wanna see you, just for me.” You nodded and started taking off your shirt while he was talking. Johnny reached out and stopped you from doing anything else, he wanted to be the one to reveal your skin, of course after asking you if that was okay, which you eagerly nodded to.

With just your shirt off, there wasn’t much Johnny hadn’t seen. A lot of your stage outfits involved tiny shirts and big pants. It was when he took of your bra is when he saw something no one else had. Your tits bounced a bit from being unsupported but soon Johnny’s hands were kneading them and playing with your mounds.

As he pulled on your nipples, he pulled moan after moan out of your mouth. And he couldn’t wait to be inside of you. Johnny knew you had to be prepped so he removed your sleep shorts and panties and spread your legs for him. Showing Johnny your wet and shining cunt.

“You’re already so wet.” Johnny went to finger you but how much your pussy was already dripping surprised him. “You make me wet Johnny.” You gasped when he found your clit, refusing to leave the little bud alone.

The feeling of his fingers inside of you caused you to cum, much faster than you thought you were, and it made you a bit embarrassed, but when Johnny said, “Good girl, my good girl”, you felt a lot better. He got up from his spot between your legs and stripped in front of you. Your mouth watered as he removed each and everything covering him. You smiled a bit to yourself when he chuckled at you for staring, but he was back on the bed with his hand between your thighs in no time.

It only took a bit more for you to give Johnny the sign that you wanted him inside you, now. He nodded at you and reached into his discarded jeans pocket to pull of an aluminum foil package.

You watched with keen interest as Johnny ripped open the foil and rolled the rubber onto his hard dick, which you weren’t even sure was going to fit, he promised it would though, so you trusted him. Before pushing in Johnny covered his cock in your wetness as extra lube so he could save you as much pain as possible. It worked until he was all the way in, that’s when you spoke up.

You saw how thick the tip was and you struggled to stretch around it but it wasn’t until all of him was in you, every inch in length, and not to mention the girth.

"Johnny, it hurts, a lot." You winced and closed your eyes, trying to ignore the pain that was shooting through your lower half. To distract you, Johnny kept planting kisses along your neck and jaw, but after a particular loud whimper, Johnny connected your lips once again and seized all movement.  "I know Y/n, it'll stop soon."

Letting you try to adjust, Johnny just kept rubbing along your sides, trying to help you relax. “Just breathe. I’m right here, you’ll be okay, you’re safe.” The pain started to dissolve and form into need, while Johnny was still leaving marks along your neck, you were wanting Johnny to move.

Bucking your hips up into Johnny’s, you asked him to move. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” “Johnny just move please, I need you.” He nodded to himself and gave you one last kiss before he started thrusting in and out of you, slowly at first, wanting you to get used to the feeling of having him inside of you.

When he felt your hands move from their position clamped on his shoulders and roam south to explore the taunt muscles, he took that as the signal to move faster. When your moans started to get louder and become more frequent, Johnny spoke against your ear, "I know baby, I know.”

Johnny didn’t slow down though, he kept up his pace for a few seconds and then sped up, watching your breasts bounce with each thrust. Your eyes rolled back, and Johnny couldn’t stop. Not when you looked like this. Not when you were moaning this sweetly. Not when you were begging him for more and whining that you were going to cum.

“I’m gonna c-cum Johnny, please, don’t stop.” He smiled at the drool dribbling out of the right side of your gaped mouth, he bet your hole would look the same when he pulled out. He didn’t pull out until he came.

You came first but even with the sensitivity you let Johnny use your quivering hole until he was satisfied, after the please was mixed with pain, you clench so tight around his cock that he felt his own eyes roll back. Even then though, he just stayed in you, embracing the intimacy and warmth that was in the air.

When Johnny did pull out you shivered and kept your tight grip on his shoulders. He maneuvered you to be playing on your side, next to him on his back.

“Hey Johnny?” You broke the silence with a small murmur. His hand that was rubbing up and down your back, all while keeping you close kept moving along your spine as he asked if something was wrong.

“No, nothing’s wrong, I just, I was just wondering if this was it for us.” The laugh he let out caused your first feeling to be humiliation but then you heard his quiet chuckle die down and was replaced with his soothing deep voice.

“It might be hard to get our managers and companies to allow us to be together, but I can tell you that now that I’ve had you, I don’t think I’d ever be able to live without you again.” Although Johnny was quite pussy drunk, he still meant every word he said.

The smile your face made was uncontrollable and you hid it into his neck. You didn’t plan on moving but Johnny gently took your head and pulled it away from him. “Don’t hide that smile, its too pretty baby. All of you is so pretty, my pretty baby.”

When Johnny got up from beside you, your first instinct was to reach for him. “Don’t worry pretty, I’m not going anywhere. Just can’t get enough of you.” Johnny had your legs spread and laid between them, you looked down at him and tried to close your legs.

“What did I say? Don’t hide from me.” You nodded and whimpered when Johnny brought his nose to your heat, he inhaled through his nose, taking in your seedy scent. “Smells so good-” he stuck out his tongue and swiped it through your swollen cunt, “-tastes so good too. Fuck. Tastes better than my fucking wet dreams. Such a pretty girl, with such a pretty pussy.”

Johnny was rambling into your pussy; his breath and lips would tickle you and you gasped and whined. Finally getting pleasure from something other than your fingers was causing you to not get enough of it. You were sensitive but you want nothing more than Johnny to make you cum again.

Your hands fisted the bed sheets as your legs started shaking. “Please Johnny, I need you.” Johnny decided to not torture you tonight, so he gave into your pleas. When his tongue made contact with your clit you had to force yourself to not scream, you patted above your head, looking for something, anything to grab onto. Your wandering hand met one of your plushies and you used it to cover your face and to filter your moans.

Johnny moved his tongue to play with your entrance, it was pulsing, clenching around nothing, and you were wet, so wet. “Baby, you’re dripping on the bed.” You hated how you knew it was true. The feeling of it spilling in between your plush ass cheeks wasn’t pleasant. Johnny saw the mess and lifted your hips a bit, so he had access to that part of you. “Wha- Johnny” your head was thrown back and your toes curled. Johnny licked between you and up your ass, collected all the arousal and cum that had dripped there.

The heat of your cheeks was almost unbearable. You’ve never felt anything like this, and you couldn’t tell if you were too sensitive or if you were about to cum again.

 Johnny kept swiping his tongue along your folds, switching between playing with the bundle of nerves and licking your walls. You felt your body get even warmer and your sight went black for a second.

“Shh, it’s okay Y/n. I got you, you’re safe. It’s just me.” Johnny cooed into your ear and petted your head, brushing his fingers through your head, soothing you. Your cheeks were wet, and you asked Johnny what happened.

He kissed your temple before he answered. “You passed out for a second, are you okay? I’m really sorry if I hurt you.” “No! You didn’t hurt me Johnny, it felt really good!”. You started shaking your head and attempted to get up, only to be pushed back down. “It’s okay, you don’t have to get up. I’ll clean you up.” Johnny walked away but returned with a damp washcloth.

It was nearly impossible to keep your eyes open as Johnny ran the warm washcloth over your burning skin. It didn’t get any easier when he started massaging you, focusing on the spots that were tense and made you gasp.

Johnny made sure you were completely relaxed before he got comfortable next to you. “Johnny, I like you, so much.” He smiled at you slurred words, tired, both mentally and physically. “I’m glad, because I like you a lot too.” Johnny pulled you into him, your bare skin touching. He could hear you breathe, and he wanted to hear you breathe next to him for the rest of his life. Although he was tired as well, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you, your shoulders weren’t tense, and your entire body was limp. You were comfortable, and you felt safe with Johnny.

[artistic-mathematics]

my 2am analysis on Dwangela

okay I really don’t know why I decided to write a canon compliant Dwangela fic spanning the entire show like

I don’t even know how I’m gonna begin to write season 4′s stuff. like every time I even think about it I just want to vomit bc HIGHKEY if Dwight had just fed Sprinkles the medicine Angela told him to they probably would’ve gotten married in season 4 and all would’ve been fine but nope it took them eight whole seasons to even get engaged afterwards and then we got almost 0 content of them actually being in a healthy relationship again and it’s just like 3u5irefwngkjej54

this all stemmed from the fact that I genuinely think to this day, Dwangela is still misunderstood by the majority of the community. actually, Angela as a character is still misunderstood, which is crazy considering that this show ended over a decade ago and my first watch was like two months ago.

before anyone says anything YES, Angela was still a horrible person and I don’t really think I need to cite why, but I do think her motivations and eventual progression arc are just completely slept on (and also, season 9 finale Angela is a much, much better person than she was during the rest of the show).

I think the biggest thing I’ve seen from people is like “why did Angela end up with Dwight?” and they just tend to forget that Angela went through an entire character arc in literally just the last half of season 9. would it have been better if the show actually like shown more of it? absolutely. but it’s pretty obvious that Angela from S9E20: Paper Airplane is a completely different Angela from S9E22: A.A.R.M. is she still the greatest person? oh absolutely not, but I do think that her actions in this last half (starting from S9E16: Moving On) show enough growth and maturation that she deserved her own happy ending with Dwight.

(ALSO YES, IT’S A HAPPY ENDING. people who say that Angela is going to cheat on Dwight clearly misunderstood this entire plot line. I’ll get to that later.)

she hits rock bottom in S9E21: Livin’ the Dream and even then we can see a huge difference between this episode and S9E20. in the previous episode, she refused to accept help from Dwight (and by extension, Esther), but in this episode not only does she try to go out of her way to help Andy but she also accepts help from Oscar and actively reaches out for his hand, something that she’d deadass refused to do since season 3 when he was outed as gay. by accepting she needs help and then finally, FINALLY admitting out loud that she loves Dwight (something that she pretty much skirted around when possible, even back in seasons 4-5), she’s shown that she’s finally letting down the walls that she’d constructed for years and years. she’s finally letting herself be vulnerable, and that shit takes strength, especially from someone who’d spent so many years letting pride dictate her life and practically pretended to live a life that wasn’t hers just to save face.

(yes, she did it because she hit rock bottom. but then again, she literally didn’t even have to do that. she could’ve just kept digging a deeper hole for herself anyway, blaming Oscar and the state senator and still refusing to admit anything. would it have helped her? no lol, but at least she was able to analyze and recognize that her own actions were her downfall instead of continuing blaming others for her issues, which she had no problem doing throughout the show.)

another thing I’ve noticed is that people were like “she continued lying to Dwight about Phillip” and I’ma be real with you, I think that lie is the most ethical lie she told throughout the entire series.

let me explain.

actually, let Angela explain, because she outright explains this during Dwight’s proposal that she wanted him to marry her because it was her he wanted to marry. I don’t think this was selfish at all. sure, she probably should’ve told him -- lying about it is still shitty -- but what does she even gain from lying about it? she literally gains absolutely nothing here. she already admitted to Oscar (and by extension, herself) that she loves Dwight. if Dwight were to propose to her because of Phillip, there’s no world where she’d be unhappy in that relationship since she knows she loves Dwight.

but she doesn’t know if Dwight still loves her (yeah, they did make out like five episodes ago BUT remember he’s in a committed relationship now) -- and she was literally just in a loveless marriage. she was also in a loveless engagement, with Andy (and oh my god I might make a post about this at some point but I HAVE SO MANY GRIPES OVER THIS ENGAGEMENT. not at the writers, but just like how did this even??? like?????).

in S9E21, she makes it very clear that she’s accepted that Dwight and Esther are a thing. S9E22 happens some time afterwards (around a month or so according to Dunderpedia) and it’s probably long enough for Angela to realize that it’s genuinely serious, and I mean. just look at Dwight in that episode. he looks so happy.

when Dwight calls Angela into his office to propose that business marriage, I think all of these things came to her mind -- and let’s be honest, the last time they tried to make some business out of something that clearly should be romantic (cough cough sex contract cough cough) it, uh, didn’t go well. and so she lies. she tells him that Phillip isn’t his son, and that lie was enough. it sent his emotions into turmoil, enough so that he ends up calling Jim in and talking to him about it makes him snap to his senses -- that he still loves Angela, and now that Angela is actually available again he needs to go for it.

and of course Angela accepts. you can see her anger from Dwight almost running her off the road completely ebb away when Dwight yells “I love you!” she pauses and processes.

oh also for the people who think that marriage is terrible and that Angela is just gonna cheat on Dwight? the entire point of Dwangela was that Angela couldn’t commit to any of her other romantic relationships because she still loved Dwight. from seasons 2 through 9 she was still very much in love with Dwight, and only cheated on people with Dwight.

also I don’t think Dwight ever stopped loving Angela, either. I mean like, he seemed to really like Isabel and went through an entire talking head where he compared Isabel and Angela to each other but as Jim said to Dwight in S9E21, “you just have to forget about all the logic and fear and doubt” -- and the thing is, I don’t think love ever made sense to Dwight after he broke up with Angela in season 5. it also makes sense as to why Dwight broke up with Isabel so brutally as a result, treating her like absolute garbage the day of Pam and Jim’s wedding.

also I think people forget that like, Dwight was very in on the cheating??? Angela knew she was engaged to Andy in season 5 and knew she was engaged (and eventually married) to the state senator in season 8, like he obviously was a part of this too lmao? and there was a whole episode where people shat on Michael for dating a woman who had a husband and how he was a horrible person LIKE. he knew she was in a relationship and still chose to do what he did. I’m not saying that it’s his fault entirely bc it’s still like 95% Angela’s fault but Dwight buddy, come on, idk what you expected

anyway I go sleep now I just had to get this out before I passed out lol

[wttcsms]

I find Rin to be such an interesting, closed off yet so open of a character. I’m curious, how would you characterize him to be like in a relationship? Like I just can’t imagine him even understanding his feelings if he starts developing them for someone, but I want to know your thoughts and characterization!!

i’m really excited you asked this since i’ve finally gotten around (+had some major inspo and breakthroughs in my writer’s block) to work on “hopeless, breathless, burning slow” which is my main rin fic! a lot of what i say applies to this interpretation of rin but i think it works for any rin i write about.

i think if someone knows rin or spends enough time in his vicinity, they can pick up on his physical tells. when he’s upset about something, you can read it on his face without him ever explicitly having to state his displeasure.

again w/ being able to read rin physically - it’s kinda essential because you’re right, he is closed off. i think it’s partly because of his laser focus and the fact that he doesn’t quite respect anyone enough to open up to them, but also that rin doesn’t realize that people, esp a s/o, aren’t mind readers. he thinks he’s telling you i love you but he actually told you that you need to put on a jacket because it’s going to get cold outside. in his head, he’s a very obvious person and i think before you two get together, he overthinks everything he says to you, afraid that his affections will be too obvious even though verbally he’s not obvious at all lol.

as for developing feelings, i like to think he’s self aware but in denial HAHA. if you’re classmates, he’ll memorize your class schedule or where you sit at lunch + he’s very observant, so i think he’ll recognize patterns (such as assuming something is your favorite because you’re always drinking or eating it). he’s aware of what a crush is, and he has a sneaking suspicion that he’s forming one on you, which is when the denial starts happening. he rationalizes his interest in you as just you always being in his peripheral and that it’s only reasonable someone who’s always in the background in his life catches his eye once in a while!!! this could result in him treating you like you irritate him, but it happens bc he thinks you know about his crush on you and are trying to get him to admit it.

someone said the photographer for stephanie soo + her husband described her husband as “looking very cold but his eyes are warm when he looks at her” (or something along those lines). that’s what it’s like being w rin. outwardly, he doesn’t show affection and he’s not one for pda but to his sports fans, it’s so obvious that he’s in love with you. he walks with a hand on the small of your back or he has you holding his upper arm as you walk together. he’s very protective of you, shielding you from cameras if you’re not comfortable w being photographed candidly. i don’t think he smiles very often, but when he does, it’s always when you’re present or he’s thinking about you. rin knows he’s not good at verbalizing his feelings, but he’s definitely an acts of service type of person. his softness shows in seemingly mundane moments. one time, you struggled to open up a bottle of water + the next day, he had to leave for an international game and you walked into the kitchen only to see that he opened up every bottle of water in the house and screwed the cap back on very loosely so that way it would be easy to open 🥹

[toast-crumb]

How do I lucid dream tonight

omg hii i love the question !! sorry in advance but this may be long bc i LOVE talking about lucid dreaming and helping others <33

Firstly, if you’re familiar with lucid dreaming and have been practicing for awhile, then I recommend to just simply affirm “I am going to be aware that I am dreaming/ I will lucid dream tonight”, every single time I’ve done it, it worked.

Or you can do the “Wake Back To Bed (WBTB) Technique” which is where you set an alarm for about 4 or 5 hours after you’ve gone to bed. Your alarm goes off and you stay awake for about 30 minutes (or less, whatever u prefer bc i’ve went back to sleep immediately and still LD’d but it’s different for everyone !) and do something relaxing like reading a book, (i’d also recommend you stay off your phone during this time since blue light can make you take longer to go to sleep) and affirm before going back to sleep “I will be aware that I am dreaming/ I will lucid dream”

However, if you’re not as experienced with lucid dreaming- I can’t promise you you’ll do it tonight. It’s important to remember that this takes a lot of patience. Granted, it happens by accident for a lot of people! But if you want it to be a more frequent thing, you’ll need to take the time to get into habits so you can successfully be lucid while dreaming. Think of it like riding a bike. You may not get it right away, but once you do it’s so easy (and so fun!!)

The first step would be to start a Dream Journal✨ Dream journals come in handy when it comes to dream recall, which may help when recognizing when you’re dreaming! It’s best to try and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up, make sure to write in the present tense, include sensory details, emotions, etc.. AND DONT FORGET YOUR AFFIRMATIONS !! “I will remember the details of my dream”

And on the subject of recognizing when you’re dreaming: do reality checks throughout your day !! Thinking about how tired you are? Reality check. Thinking about what time you’re gonna go to bed? Reality check. Thinking about lucid dreaming???? That’s right: reality check.

This can also be done with anything else like “every time I walk into a room I’ll do a reality check” The more you do it, the more likely you’ll remember to do it in your dream.

And now: Different Ways To Do A Reality Check

My personal favorite, because it is easy, quick, and subtle: Pinching my nose so I can’t breathe through it. When I do this and find I cannot breathe, I tell myself, “I can’t breathe, which means I am not dreaming.” Because in your dream, you will be able to breathe. I’ve done this to become lucid twice now.

Another one is by checking your hands/counting your fingers. In your dreams, your hands are probably gonna look dramatically different from your awake hands, and you may not have all your fingers.

Third of all, take a good look at where you’re at, what your surroundings look like, and try closing your eyes and take a moment for yourself- now open your eyes again. Is everything the same? Has the setting/time changed at all? If not, you’re awake. If so, Congrats! You’re dreaming.

That’s all I have for now, if there’s anything that I didn’t answer properly or you wanna know more PLEASE don’t hesitate to ask <33 AND REMEMBER: You are 100% safe in your dreams, You are in control!! You can literally do whatever you want at just a snap of your fingers !!

Happy Dreaming ! 🫶🏻✨

[localvoidcat]

also holy shit there's a lot of stuff for your ml au FVGBHNJ (i tried maybe getting info abt it but omg there's so many posts and i dont feel like going through all of them /lh i just do not have patience). is there a post that sums up the au? bc i think someone has asked abt that before and i have no idea where that post would be FVGBHNJ /nf though bc i probably sound annoying -coward anon

i’ve been needing to write down my rewrite of the plot, so i’ll put it here!

this au starts the same as vol 1. mark gets the call, he goes to cesar’s house, he gets followed by the alternate, and he’s trapped in his room for three days.

however, he runs out of bullets while firing at the alternate, just before he’s able to take the last shot, and ends up taking the only other alternative: jumping out of his bedroom window. he breaks his leg from the impact (he did not think it through fully and just kind of. flung himself out), but he manages to get away from the house. he does go back in to get his cat, but then he books it out of the house and drives away.

the alternate, of course, hasn’t left his side. not wanting it to harm anyone around him, he decides to not involve anyone in it, so he basically ends up. kind of faking his death between the state of his bedroom and the refusal to go back to mandela. his family doesn’t really try to find him when he goes missing.

meanwhile, cesar survived his suicide attempt. the cameras in his house ended up broken, however, and between his mom being killed with what seems to be the same weapon he used, and mark’s disappearance, he’s listed as a suspect instead of the alternate. with his best friend and his mom supposedly dead, and the cops after him, he has no choice but to flee mandela county as well. things are not fun for this man

cut to seventeen years later. mark’s been living in bythorne, albeit under a different last name. alt cesar is still tormenting him, but he’s gotten used to it. everything’s going decent for him, until one day when he’s walking home from work and he ends up getting hit by a van.

the bps van, which is being driven by adam and jonah. after a quick discussion over whether or not they should try to hide the body, they realize he’s alive and decide to bring him back to their place and convince him not to sue them. or arrest them. or any number of things that usually happens when you hit someone with a car.

mark wakes up in the bps headquarters (which is just. a shabby apartment the three of them share) and hears people talking. these people end up being adam, jonah, and sarah, who mark hasn’t seen since she was 3. obviously she doesn’t recognize him at first considering how different he looks and that she was 3 at the time, but she eventually does. heathcliff siblings end up being reunited, but there’s still the issue of. well. adam hitting mark with a van.

his solution is, of course, letting mark join bps and get some of the money from their next job. begrudgingly, mark says yes.

the next job is the one from vol 2, which means that they have to go to mandela county. upon seeing cesar’s house, mark freaks out, but he still goes inside anyway.

cue to the argument between adam and jonah. just as adam’s about to go in the basement, mark stops him and makes him wait while mark explores the basement instead. adam’s pissed about this but he listens to mark (considering he’s like. a decade older than him) and goes back to the car with jonah.

once in the basement, mark is confronted by six, who reminds mark of his encounters with him during his childhood, as well as all of the alternate stuff in general. in a moment of panic, he shoots the tv and tries to get the hell out of the house.

all adam and jonah hear, however, is a gunshot. adam assumes mark killed himself and drives off, leading to another fight between adam and jonah, who doesn’t think they should have left him behind. they end up getting out of the car and physically fighting in the snow, before they finally decide to stop and go get mark. they’re both visibly messed up after this fight i think they do this every week. mandatory beat the shit out of each other day you know how it is

meanwhile, with mark, he tries to chase after the car, but struggles due to the fact that it’s a vehicle going at max speed, and his leg is still bad due to never getting it checked out when it was first harmed. it’s here that he’s confronted by an alternate, that takes his appearance and runs off.

when adam and jonah find “mark”, they chalk up his odd behavior and silence to just an alternate encounter, and go back to bythorne. actual mark is left having to walk all the way back until he can find a car.

when the three get back to bps, sarah can tell there’s something going on with mark, but adam and jonah tell her he’s definitely fine. it goes well for alt mark up until someone shows up at the door a day later.

it’s actual mark. upon seeing it, mark fires at alt mark with his gun. it’s made clear that one’s an alternate when it barely flinches at the bullet, and the four of them escape from the alternate, who’s started chasing them. they manage to get away for a little bit, just enough for mark to yell at adam for driving off without him, before alt mark shows back up again.

this time, it manages to inflict jonah with mad before running off. so now we’ve got mark, who now has at least two alternates on his trail, sarah, who’s only had her brother for about a week now, adam, who’s going to find out he’s an alternate very soon, and jonah, who’s now dealing with mad at the hands of alt mark.

in the meantime, vol 4 is playing out the same way it does in canon, with thatcher, dave, and evelin. evelin goes through the tapes, she gets fired, dave takes up the job at the church, all that stuff.

however, when dave encounters alt gabriel, it decides not to kill him, finding it better to force him to watch the downfall brought on by his own unknowing hand.

only problem is that humans aren’t really capable of looking at angels, even false ones, with the naked eye, and dave’s eyes end up melting out of his skull, as well as his mad getting much much worse. when thatcher finds him on church grounds, he’s understandably a mess, apologizing for something thatcher doesn’t understand and saying something about. impending doom. as one does. thatcher takes dave back to his place to try and help him, unaware of the fact that alt gabriel’s plan has already been set into motion.

because vol 4 ended on a cliffhanger, i don’t have too much of the plot after this point. all i can tell you is that mark finds out adam’s an alternate and does not take it well, jonah ends up living through his mad, alt mark makes sure to come back, bps interacts with thatcher and dave (mark punches thatcher at one point it’s really funny) and overall. shit’s fucked.

[borderline-gays-club]

2/29/24 9:20 pm

I’m in a place again where my self esteem is not really in great shape. And I’m in a place where I can/need to be honest with myself abt that. It’s where it can be a bit hard to look at myself in the mirror. Where I take photos of myself and it’s kinda hard to recognize that’s me. Or feel positive about my image. And I don’t like this feeling which is why I’m here writing.

There’s definitely a few factors at play; some are new some are old. I think one thing that’s been tough in general is what I am currently experiencing as a no identity self. By that I mean that I’m not stuck on an extreme feeling so my whole personality is not revolving around a feeling state. For example when I was hyper sexual and rage fueled that became my whole thing. Literally my other tumblr handle lol. Which I don’t really relate to anymore.

But the thing is, these were never really my personality anyway. Not in its core. They’re always fleeting, as emotions are fleeting. Which means my personality would just cling on to whatever is the most present. Just like how my personality wud also cling onto ppl in my life. And bc I’m not in any extreme emotional state I feel kinda lost. I feel vulnerable and bare. And trying to find something to hold onto. But it’s different than that horrid empty feeling. Bc I’m seeking out self in more positive ways and trying to be gentle and take my time with it. And really emphasize to myself that it’s ok to feel this lostness and that it’s important not to rush into a new “personality” for the sake of getting rid of this discomfort. I need to move slowly. I struggle with that so much.

Another thing that has not been great for my self esteem is my clothing. I’ve just been wearing ugly clothes that don’t really fit me that great for a while. And I haven’t really worn anything flattering in a while. So I don’t feel good in my clothes basically all the time. So I don’t feel good abt that. Also my hair needs to be cut lol. I don’t like how it looks rn so my hair is just always in a haphazard bun. And I don’t like that I always have to default to glasses rn bc I can’t afford contacts. I don’t like that all the jewelry I own just irritates my skin bc it’s cheap so I can’t accessorize. I don’t like not putting in effort in my appearance, but to be honest I just feel tired bc I’m broke and I can’t afford to look how I want anyway. It’s just a money problem. I’ll start to try when I can tho with what I have, bc it is taking a toll on my self image.

And lastly the way I’ve been exercising has not been great. I don’t enjoy going to the gym anymore. It’s boring and I just have fully concluded it’s just not for me. And it doesn’t help that I wud obsessively go to the gym when I was in the deep pits of ED so it doesn’t exactly have the best history. I thought it wouldn’t affect me but idk now. I thought going with a friend wud help, and I mean it has in terms of staying consistent. But it doesn’t make me like it. It still feels forced and I kinda just want it to b over. Which is not good. Cus that means I’m not really in my body while I’m doing it which is what I struggle with anyway.

When I did boxing when I was able to, it felt so different. It was the first time I was able to do an exercise consistently and consistently get more and more excited abt it. I actually felt very aware of my body and what I was doing with it. I felt very connected to my body which is a struggle for me. I’ll think more on this later, but I think the difference is that with boxing there’s feedback involved. As in there’s another person that needs to be involved to actually play the sport/game. There’s strategy involved and so many skills to master, and you pick which ones you want to master. I think it’s all these layers that kept me hooked and wanting to get better.

Anyway these are my current thoughts. I’m just in a place of deep frustration bc there’s so many things that I kno will help me, but I just can’t do it bc of money. In the meantime I’m just adapting to what I can do. But frustration has been a core feeling for a while.