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eurydicees · 3 years

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true enough to be convincing, unruly enough to be real

summary: tamaki needs someone to date, just for a week. it’s not a big deal, it isn’t. kyoya can pretend to be in love with tamaki for a few days. what could go wrong? the classic tale of boys fake date, boy wears other boy’s jacket, said boy is suddenly maybe not faking it so much as actually falling in love.

prompts: 3 + 28: fake dating + wearing the other’s clothes. for @wishiwasntstillhere ! i hope you enjoy :)

pairings: tamaki suoh/kyoya ootori

words: 3,441

warnings: none

“We have to be convincing,” Tamaki says, waving an arm vaguely in Kyoya’s direction. He has a tendency to talk with his hands, every other word emphasized by a wave or a clap or a clench of his fists. “We have to go all out.”

Kyoya closes his eyes, leaning against the headboard of Tamaki’s bed. They’re in Tamaki’s bedroom in the second Suoh mansion; Tamaki pacing in circles and the long-suffering Kyoya only half following what he’s saying. He’s still stuck on Tamaki’s words from five minutes ago: we should date. Oh, no, no— not for real, I mean— just pretend, for a bit. We should fake date, just for a week or so.

“Stop,” Kyoya says, squeezing his eyes tighter shut. Judging by the lack of creaking of the floorboards, Tamaki has stopped pacing and is staring at him. “Why do we need to do this?”

Tamaki sighs, and Kyoya looks over at him as Tamaki moves to sit on the bed. The mattress dips as he sits down, his hands going to rest on Kyoya’s ankles. “I kind of… Look, okay, there was this girl and she was asking me out and she was, like, so earnest about it, and I wanted to let her down easy, so—”

“So you told her we were dating?” Kyoya asks, raising an eyebrow. “That’s the stupidest and most you thing I’ve ever heard.”

Tamaki groans, pushing Kyoya’s ankles away from him. “I didn’t say it was you specifically, I just said that I was dating someone.”

“Then why are you asking me?” Kyoya licks his lips, studying Tamaki closely. There’s no reason that it has to be Kyoya that Tamaki is fake dating. “Literally anyone else would be better for this.”

Tamaki shrugs. “You’re the best liar I know, and…”

“And?”

“And I trust you,” Tamaki says, more in a breath than in words. He shifts, now sitting cross legged on the bed, pressing his hands against his knees. “You’re the only one I could pull this off with.”

“Not Haruhi?”

Tamaki shrugs. “I already asked her, and she laughed in my face.”

Something in Kyoya’s stomach drops at that, and he doesn’t know what it is, or why it bothers him, but there’s a sinking disappointment in his stomach that itches like a word on the tip of his tongue. It shouldn’t matter; Kyoya doesn’t even want to do this. He should be laughing just as Haruhi had apparently done, when Tamaki asked her first.

“Right,” Kyoya chokes out. He shouldn’t be so affected by that. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about any of this. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Tamaki breaks out in a grin. “Thank you, mon ami. I owe you one—”

“You owe me everything,” Kyoya mutters. He inhales deeply. “What do you need specifically?”

“I don’t know,” Tamaki admits. He drops his hands to his ankles, swaying forwards and backwards as he looks at Kyoya. He’s never been one for sitting still. “Just… what people in relationships do.”

Kyoya narrows his eyes. “Tamaki. Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

There’s a pause. Then, “You know the answer to that question.”

Kyoya does know the answer to that one— no, neither of them have been in a relationship. Great, Kyoya thinks somewhat bitterly, his first relationship is going to be both fake and with Tamaki. He should be angry about that, but there’s a kind of swirl of confusion in his head instead, and he hates it.

“Well,” Kyoya says, sighing. He leans his head against the wall, the edge of the headboard digging into his shoulder blades. “Things people do in relationships. They’re around each other all of the time, they make each other laugh, they… touch.”

“Right,” Tamaki agrees. He’s still swaying, and Kyoya is finding the sound of shifting of fabric incredibly distracting. “They kiss.”

Kyoya swallows. He can feel the tips of his ears heating up. “We’re not kissing.”

“Please?”

“No,” Kyoya says firmly. “We have to have some boundaries, at least.”

Tamaki sighs, but then brushes it off with a shrug. “I guess that’s fair. Can we at least… kiss each other on the cheek?”

“If you insist.”

Kyoya finally meets Tamaki’s gaze, searching for some kind of joke resting in his eyes, some kind of laughter. But there’s nothing. Tamaki is deadly serious about all of this, and Kyoya can’t figure out how to feel about it.

He hates it, he wants to hate it, this is a ridiculous scheme, and it’s going to crash and burn around them, and for some reason, he wants to try anyway. It’s just like it was with the host club, Tamaki says an idea and Kyoya can’t help but fall in line, just another captivated Ouran student following Tamaki, Kyoya’s own personal pied piper.

“Thank you for this,” Tamaki says again, and Kyoya just nods numbly. “It’ll only be for a week and then you can publicly dump me, if you want.”

“I wouldn’t do it publicly.” Kyoya says it absentmindedly, not really thinking about what he’s saying, but then his brain kicks in again, and he’s suddenly thinking about this ending. What are they going to do when it’s over? It’s just a fake relationship, but there are careful, tight lines in their friendship, and Kyoya has just agreed to cross all of them.

He thinks back to what he had told Haruhi only a few weeks ago, that his friendship with Tamaki is based entirely on self interest. It’s not true, and everyone around them knows it. It’s just that they genuinely like being around each other; but Kyoya will turn over in his grave before he ever says that out loud. Even if they genuinely like each other, there are still lines.

Then again, Kyoya draws careful lines in the sand with everyone he meets and interacts with. Lines between acquaintance and ally. Between business partner and friend. Between friend and family. Between friend and lover. Within those lines, too, there are promises that Kyoya makes to himself— you can never let a hand linger too long, or your gaze hover on someone for even seconds past friendly, or your thoughts center around one idea for too long.

All of those rules go out of the window when he’s around Tamaki.

When he leaves the Suoh manion and heads home, Kyoya can’t tear his thoughts away from Tamaki. He can’t stop thinking about this plan, about this ridiculous secret that they’re both now holding. Tamaki had seen him off at the door, kissing his cheek, like any good boyfriend would do, Kyoya, and Kyoya can still feel the warmth of Tamaki’s lips against his cheek. It’s the cold, Kyoya tells himself, and not a blush that lingers on his cheeks long after he’s left the Suoh property.

He tries to shove the whole plan out of his head that night. He has to, just to be able to sleep at night, just to be able to stop thinking about Tamaki. He doesn’t think he’s felt this obsessive since he first met Tamaki and drove himself crazy trying to fulfill his every whim as they traveled around Japan.

It’s not until the next morning, finding himself in a shopping center with the Hitachiin twins, that he realizes that fake dating Tamaki means that everyone around them thinks they suddenly get to judge their… relationship.

Kyoya didn’t know what he expected, knowing them. He didn’t know why he thought for even a second that they wouldn’t care— it’s not necessarily judgement that he’s suddenly faced with, but it’s definitely a conversation he hadn’t meant to start, and didn’t particularly want to finish.

He meets the others at the front door of the shopping center, finding that he’s the last one there. Hikaru and Kaoru both wave at him as he approaches, and Kyoya is about to wave back when he catches Tamaki’s eye. Tamaki is smiling, but there’s a knowing glint in his eye that Kyoya doesn’t really know what to think of. Is there a word for the kind of glow that’s hovering at Tamaki’s cheeks right now? Is there a word for the way that Kyoya’s heart is suddenly falling to pieces?

He’s about to say hello, just treating everything as normal, and then Tamaki skips forward and kisses him on the cheek. It’s soft, the kind of touch that’s barely there, but it makes Kyoya shiver. Tamaki’s breath is warm on Kyoya’s skin.

It’s not an act when his cheeks heat up and the tiniest of smiles finds its unwilling way to his lips. It’s not an act when his heart pulses; a green light asking for more. He wants to smile fully, bravely— and then he remembers.

He remembers that this isn’t real, and Tamaki is feeling nothing. Kyoya swallows, steeling himself, and pushes his glasses farther up his nose. He’s not feeling anything either.

“Hi,” he says quietly.

“Hi,” Tamaki says, and it’s with the kind of grin that makes Kyoya burn with a fake romance.

Kyoya finally tears his eyes away from Tamaki and towards the other two who are waiting for them; Hikaru is staring with wide eyes, while Kaoru has a kind of unimpressed look in the tilt of his chin.

“Did you finally sort yourselves out, then?” Kaoru asks. “Are you dating yet?”

Kyoya stares. “I—”

“Yup!” Tamaki grins, then slides his hand down Kyoya’s arm to tangle their fingers together. His palm is sweaty as Tamaki squeezes his hand. “It’s new, though.”

“Finally,” Kaoru says with half a laugh. “Haruhi and I had a bet on how long it would take. Oh, she’s gonna be in debt forever.”

Tamaki rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling as he leads the way into the shopping center. He doesn’t let go of Kyoya’s hand the entire time. Kyoya is pretty sure that his heart is pulsing in his wrist, dripping down into his palm; he’s pretty sure that Tamaki is holding Kyoya’s entire soul right now, and he doesn’t know.

“This is going to be easier than I thought,” Tamaki whispers, leaning closer to Kyoya, his lips hovering by Kyoya’s ear. “They’re falling for it so easily.”

Kyoya can only nod. This is going too far and too fast— or, it’s barely going at all, except for the fact that Kyoya’s mind is jumping light years ahead of we’re just pretending and right to this is getting all too real.

“So,” Hikaru starts, keeping pace next to Kyoya, who is still holding Tamaki’s hand like a life line. “When did this happen?”

Kyoya swallows, glancing over at Tamaki. They should have gotten their story straight before they had gone out into the world holding hands. He can so easily imagine Tamaki turning to Kaoru, who walks beside him, and saying that they’ve been dating for years, all while Kyoya tells Hikaru that it’s been hours.

“A few days ago,” Kyoya manages to say. He says it smoothly, somehow, his tongue so practiced at smoothing over all the bumps and inconsistencies in his lies. “Like Tamaki said. It’s new.”

Hikaru shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans, glancing at Kyoya from the corner of his eye. “So you haven’t been pretending you’re not together for years now? Because that was my bet and—”

“Shut up,” Kyoya says, rolling his eyes. He looks away from Hikaru and towards the crowded walkways that they’re entering. “We were just friends, until recently. That’s the truth.”

“Sure,” Hikaru says, grinning.

It’s a subdued, or doubtful, grin, but Kyoya doesn’t get the chance to ask before Hikaru is bounding forwards, pointing towards the food court. Tamaki agrees enthusiastically, and the four of them make their way there. Tamaki never lets go of Kyoya’s hand— that much is real.

They order food quickly, not bothering to think too hard about it. This is, as Tamaki put it, just a fun day out, pretending to be commoners. Kyoya, though, knows what it’s really about— it’s a test run of their fake relationship, to see how well they can fit themselves into the world and into their little friend group. It’s a test run to see if they can really pull this off; they have one of the more observant people they know and one of the more gullible people they know, and that’s a good range. Kyoya, if he weren’t so distracted by Tamaki’s hand resting on his knee, would almost admire the plan.

He’s so distracted by the fact that Tamaki is tapping his fingers against Kyoya’s leg that he doesn’t notice when Tamaki waves a hand just the slightest bit too enthusiastically, sending an uncapped bottle of soda flying across the table. It spills open and out, right onto Tamaki’s shirt.

Four people spew a string of curses as Tamaki jumps up, knocking over his tray with the half eaten hamburger on it, sending that spilling over onto the table, too. Kyoya grabs the soda bottle before it can do more damage, but it’s too late. Tamaki’s shirt is soaking wet, and while he grabs the thinnest of napkins to try and dry it, it’s a fruitless effort. Hikaru is just laughing, while Kaoru tries helplessly to hand over more napkins.

Tamaki swears again, tossing the napkins onto the table. He sits down with a humph and sighs. Kyoya, so quickly that he’s almost unaware of it, finds himself sliding an arm around Tamaki’s shoulders— this is what a boyfriend would do, right? Hold Tamaki when he’s upset? Kyoya thinks he’s guessed right, because Tamaki leans into his touch, burying his face in Kyoya’s shoulder.

“My shirt’s soaking wet,” Tamaki moans.

The vibrations of his words against Kyoya’s collarbones make him shiver, and he sighs. “You should be more careful.”

Tamaki sits up again, slowly, but doesn’t fully pull away. Instead he rests his cheek against Kyoya’s shoulder, eyes closed. Across from them, Kaoru is grinning.

“Cute,” he says, and Kyoya glares at him. It doesn’t deter him at all, and Kyoya just finds his face muscles growing tighter and Kaoru’s smile growing wider.

“Shut up,” Kyoya mutters.

It’s all a part of Tamaki’s game, though, and so Kyoya can’t find it in himself to be mad. If Kaoru thinks they’re cute, then they’re pulling this off well. That’s the important thing; not this stupid fluttering in his heart everytime Tamaki’s hand gets close to Kyoya’s knee. Kyoya swallows down any reservations, only to turn his head and press a light kiss to the top of Tamaki’s head. It’s tender and private and it comes so naturally that, for a moment, Kyoya forgot it was a performance.

Tamaki doesn’t react to the kiss at all, except for the tiniest of smiles.

“Cute,” Hikaru says, in an exact, smiling imitation of how Kaoru had done it. Kyoya hates them both.

Lucky for him, though, no one at that table has a good attention span, and so none of them focus on that kiss for too long. Instead, Kaoru points out one of the department stores that he had wanted to check out while they were there, and the four of them disentangle themselves from the mess, throw away their napkins and half eaten food, and start to leave the food court.

“People are staring,” Tamaki complains. He’s walking next to Kyoya, so close that their shoulders brush every now and then, Tamaki leaning into every touch. Hikaru and Kaoru walk in front of them.

“It’s because you’re covered in soda,” Kyoya says. He thinks that it’s a perfectly reasonable thing to say, but that just makes Tamaki pout more.

“I know.” Tamaki sighs, crossing his arms tightly around his chest. It does nothing to cover up the stain.

Kyoya looks over, scanning the disappointment on Tamaki’s face and the hunched over way he’s carrying himself, and then sighs. “Here. Take my jacket. If you zip it up, no one will be able to see anything.”

“Are you sure?” Tamaki asks. He says it slowly, but he’s already brightening up. “You won’t be cold?”

Kyoya shrugs. “It’s May. I’ll be fine.”

“Thanks,” Tamaki says, grinning.

Kyoya sighs, but it’s not a tired sigh— it’s an exasperated, happy sigh that only a lover can make. He shrugs off his jacket and holds it up for Tamaki to put on. Once it’s on, Tamaki turns to face Kyoya, his smile like a wound in Kyoya’s composure, and puts his hands to his waist.

“How do I look?” he asks.

“Fine,” Kyoya says, rolling his eyes. “The whole point is to zip up the jacket, Tamaki.”

Tamaki laughs at that, unbothered by the tone of his voice. He zips up the jacket and then poses again, hands on his hips, smiling. “Now?”

“Good,” Kyoya says. He looks more than good, but Kyoya will be damned before he says that out loud. Fake, fake, fake, he chants to himself. “Let’s catch up to Hikaru and Kaoru, I think they already went inside.”

Tamaki nods. He starts walking forward, and then pauses to look at Kyoya. He puts his hand up in the air between them, and Kyoya feels a boiling smile working its way through his chest when he takes Tamaki’s hand.

The four of them spend the rest of the day like that, wandering through the shopping center, making their way through every department store and every chain store and every miscellaneous merchandise stand. Somehow, the day passes quickly. Kyoya had expected it to drag on, to be painful to spend so much time somewhere like a mall, but by the time that they start leaving, he finds that he had actually had fun.

They part ways at the front of the shopping center, where Hikaru and Kaoru go off to Parking Lot A. Kyoya and Tamaki walk together to Parking Lot C, Tamaki swinging their interlocked hands in the air between them.

“This was fun, don’t you think?” Tamaki asks, smiling at Kyoya.

“It was,” Kyoya admits.

They’re still holding hands, though no one is around them, and Kyoya can’t help but hope that Tamaki doesn’t notice that there’s no reason to pretend anymore. He can’t help but hope that Tamaki keeps holding his hand. It’s a deep, selfish desire that Kyoya cannot say out loud.

“This is my car,” Tamaki says, stopping in his tracks. Still, he doesn’t let go of Kyoya. “Hey— thank you. For today.”

Kyoya frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Pretending,” Tamaki tells him, as if it’s supposed to be obvious. Now that he says it, Kyoya feels sick with how unobvious that had been to him. “I know we agreed last night, but I didn’t really think you would. Thank you.”

Kyoya swallows. Tamaki hadn’t expected anything of him. Looking back over the day, Kyoya is suddenly wondering how much of what he had done had just been because he wanted to. Did he— did he want to kiss Tamaki so tenderly when his head was resting against Kyoya’s shoulder? Did he want to hold Tamaki’s hand? Did he—

“Yeah,” Kyoya says carefully. He can’t afford to break face now. “Anytime.”

Tamaki nods, smiling. It’s a bright smile, but something about it is different from the ones he had been giving Kyoya earlier. He lets go of Kyoya’s hand, patting the pockets of his pants until he finds his keys. “I promise you can break up with me in a few days.”

“I look forward to it,” Kyoya chokes out. He takes a deep breath, then moves a few steps backwards. “I’ll see you at school.”

Tamaki finds his keys and gives Kyoya a wave as he unlocks his car. Kyoya has only just turned and begun to walk away when Tamaki calls out his name again— Kyoya’s heart jumps onto his tongue, stupidly quickly, enough to make him almost say, I love you, even though he’s not really sure if it’s true yet.

“Kyoya!” Tamaki calls again, and Kyoya turns back to him. “Your jacket!”

Tamaki has unzipped the jacket, and the wet stain on his shirt has since dried off. Kyoya’s jacket hangs tightly against his shoulders, though they’re probably about the same size, and the black fabric is a dark shadow against Tamaki’s pale skin. Even in the concrete limelight of the parking lot, he looks radiant.

“Keep it,” Kyoya says, and Tamaki frowns, as if he can’t hear. “Keep it! It— it looks good on you.”

Tamaki grins, and he blows a kiss towards Kyoya. It makes Kyoya glow, deep inside, and that’s not something he can fake.

Oh, he’s so screwed.

#my writing #tamakyo #ohshc #ohshc fanfiction #tamakyo fanfic #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #ohshc fanfic #ouran high school host club #ouran high school host club fanfic

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a-dragons-journal · 3 years

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hi idk if youre the one to ask for this but like: how do you deal when people call you gatekeepy and keeping saying that you're wrong and they're right when you try and and correct information (kin being voluntary)? i cant deal with stress very well but it's also very hard for me to not try and correct any wrong information. do you habe any tips/recommendations? -☆🌕

My advice comes in two parts here, I think, so it’s gonna be a long post and is thus gonna mostly go under a cut.

Part one: Conflict Management

Conflict management skills are a blessing, if you haven’t taken a conflict management course then go find one and take it. It may be that you’re coming off as aggressive without meaning to, or are doing something else that’s making the conversation shut down - that’s easy to do over the Internet, especially on a hot-button topic like this. The crash course version of the conflict management skills I learned from one (1) lecture series that have saved my tail many, many times, below the cut:

Never assume malice where ignorance will suffice, which is one I try to just live by

Be Stubbornly Kind, or at least Stubbornly Polite, if you want the discussion/debate to continue

Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (ie "I feel like there's a misunderstanding here" is going to get people a lot less defensive than "you're misunderstanding me" despite fundamentally saying the same thing)

Defining terms at the start of a conversation is key to make sure everyone's talking about the same thing and miscommunications aren't happening. (Or when they come up, or when you realize you may be meaning different things with the same word)

Sympathetic, appeasing, and even apologetic language can be unbelievably useful in deflating anger before it has a chance to ruin a discussion. Phrases like “I think I wasn’t clear enough about that, sorry!”, “in my opinion, and you’re free to disagree with me, [subjective opinion]”, “in my experience,” “Am I making sense?”, and “I definitely appreciate the concern for [x]!” The only downside to this is that it can come off as passive-aggressive or condescending if overdone. All things in moderation and all that. (A very light, careful amount of humor may also help defuse anger.)

Pick out anything you agree with and point out that you agree with them on it. Literally anything. The smallest shred of a statement that you share common ground on. Anything you agree with them on, state clearly that you agree with it. This both shows that you’re not arguing for the sake of arguing (and thus makes them less defensive) and keeps you both from not continuing to argue about a thing that you actually agree on, so you can focus on the things you disagree on.

Ask clarifying questions. If you’re confused as to why a person would make an argument, don’t be afraid to ask “Do you mind if I ask you to clarify what you mean by that?” or something similar.

Rephrase their points back to them if you’re starting to get lost. This basically just ensures that you’re not misunderstanding them - and it tells them that you are listening and paying attention to what they’re saying. The phrase “If I’m understanding you correctly, and please correct me if I’m not, [rephrase]” is an underrated tool.

All of these will help aid communication by a) making sure that you’re not misunderstanding each other and b) keeping tensions lower and preventing everyone involved from getting angry/frustrated/defensive.

Part Two: When Conflict Management Fails

The reality is, after a certain point, all you can do is present information and let people do with it what they will. You can make logical arguments against logical arguments, but if someone is just flat-out disagreeing with you about the definition of a word and won’t budge on that, there’s sometimes not a whole lot you can do to change their mind. You can present your arguments and evidence as to why it’s factually wrong, why it’s harmful to keep perpetuating that, and why “this word has a definition” is not gatekeeping, but there comes a point where the argument becomes a circle with no end in sight. At that point you just kind of have to step away before it starts doing more harm than good.

You have to find your boundaries for how much argument you’re willing/able to deal with, and draw a line in the sand - not for others, but for yourself, to tell yourself when to step away - in advance, so you don’t have to make that decision in the moment.

Me personally, my line in the sand is pretty far out, because debate and intellectual discourse generally do more to stimulate me than to stress me out. That’s why I can run the antikin-and-misinformation-addressing sideblog I have in a healthy way - and it’s why I don’t recommend most people try to do that, because I’m the odd one out on that. But I made an agreement with myself when I started that blog that the day it actually started to cause me stress would be the day I put it down and never went back. The line in the sand exists, it just isn’t publicly visible because if I even get close to crossing it, I step away before I can do or say something I’ll regret.

And I’ll let you in on an open secret - as someone who runs a blog specifically to interact with those kinds of posts, the point is rarely actually to convince them to change their mind. People hit a point where they’re so adamant about their point of view that they refuse to even listen to any arguments to the contrary. The point is usually to make your viewpoint visible to the third party onlookers who haven’t made up their minds that strongly yet.

(And in an effort to try to avoid becoming that myself, and to facilitate communication, one of the other reasons I have those conversations is less to convince the other side and more to understand them - if they genuinely have an argument I can’t dismantle, I want to know what it is so I can look it over and see if it warrants changing my opinion on a subject.)

If you can’t handle the arguments, and you can’t make yourself let it lie, the answer may be that you need to leave that social space entirely or block those individuals - the block button exists for a reason. Which may sound harsh, but blocking really isn’t as big a deal as people make it out to be these days - you curate your own experience, and that’s a key part of that. Your mental health is the most important thing.

That was probably a longer answer than you were bargaining for, but I hope it helps at least somewhat.

#conflict management lessons with Rani today apparently #otherkin #rani talks #asked and answered #rani gives advice now i gues #anonymous #conflict management

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babbushka · 4 years

Text

Please read the whole thing ❤️

Hey everyone, Zannah here.

I’ve taken some time and stepped away from this platform after all the drama that happened a month or so ago, and in that time I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thank you all so much, for your kindness and support in allowing me to unplug for a little while, I really needed that break just for my own sanity. I hope that in this time, you all have been doing as well as you can in this very stressful year. I’d like to take this brief moment and thank my most dear friends who have been my rock. This experience has shown me that good friends, truthful friends, are hard to come by. If you have them, please make sure they know how much you love them.

You know, I’ve been on this platform for just about ten years. For a few of those years, I’ve been here in the AD community, and I can honestly say I’ve never had a more negative experience in my life, from the actions that I’ve witnessed and experienced. I stayed away from people I didn’t like, I didn’t read fic I didn’t like, I avoided content and artwork that upset me, because I’m an adult. And foolishly I was expecting others to do the same, because as I always say, your internet experience is up to you to cultivate. You are responsible for no one else’s actions other than your own.

I’ve dealt with people coming into my inbox condemning me for the way I interpret fictional characters from day one. I’ve dealt with people calling me slurs and names, telling me to kill myself, telling me they were going to kill me themselves, that I deserve awful unspeakable things, for not agreeing with the way that they interpret a fictional character. Those were all easy to ignore, because they were always, always either about my Jewishness, or about the Jewishness of my characters, and I have no time for bigots, I just don’t.

People got angry with me for having boundaries in not wanting to write certain things, or for not wanting to write them in the specific way that they wanted me to. People got angry with me for being frustrated, that time and time again I was being treating as some writing machine and not a person, by them not giving me the basic respect of checking the small list of tropes and themes I’m uncomfortable writing which I’ve made so accessible every time. Time and time again I became frustrated, being asked questions that I’ve made clear on so many occasions, that I was uncomfortable answering, or held negative opinions of.

And that was frustrating, because it was a level of entitlement I’d never seen before – people wanted my writing, but only if it satisfied their needs with little regard to my own feelings, and called me a bully when I didn’t comply. Still, it was just about the writing, and I could ignore that.

But then, strangers started getting angry with me because I had blocked them for whatever reason from seeing my content. Strangers got angry with me for standing up for myself when people tried to pull stunts in the inbox. When people asked me for advice or my opinion on a whole assortment of topics, they said I was being a bully because they didn’t like what I had to say. A difference of opinion is not a personal attack, but it seems as though many people haven’t grasped that concept. People said I was betraying others’ trust by answering anonymous asks on the internet, something that has exactly 0 risk or stakes in sending. People said I was a bitch when I tried to offer genuinely constructive and critical responses. People got angry that I blocked their IP address for sending me unwanted, anonymous, negative hot takes that I didn’t ask for, nor that I cared about. People said I never took accountability for anything, when in reality they just wanted me to change my mind about certain topics, and got angry when I held true to my convictions.

I hope you can all imagine why I didn’t respond pleasantly. Like every content creator on this website and on any website, we don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone writing, I don’t owe anyone answers, I don’t owe anyone attention or time. And something that I’ve learned most of all, is that I don’t owe people the pleasure of indulging in flame wars that get brought to my feet. I am not interested in wasting my time trying to defend myself and my good name, against people who have already made up their mind about me from a few misunderstandings, a single interaction, or a one-sided and angry perspective. I’m not interested in wasting my time over things that I know in my heart, aren’t true.

One thing people sometimes tell me, is that I was “rude to a perfectly genuine anon.” I would like to say this; there is absolutely no way for me to know the intention of any anon, other than the way the message comes across. And I’ll be the first to admit, often intention is misinterpreted! When that happens and the person reaches out, I always, every time, have apologized. And just as easy as it is for me to misinterpret someone’s genuine ask as rude or offensive, it is easy for my genuine responses to be interpreted as rude or clipped. Tone is difficult over the internet -- tone is difficult in text where these people are anonymous strangers and I have no idea who they are or with which intentions they’re coming from.

That being said, people can still say hurtful things without the intention of doing so. People have said unintentionally hurtful things to me, and I now realize that I have said things which have been hurtful to others. Good intentions mean nothing, when real hurt and pain is caused. To those people, I would like to give a genuine and sincere apology. I hope, as all I can ever do is hope, that folks here know I never come from a place of malice. Moving forward, I will do my best to respond in ways that I hope will come across as respectful as possible, even when disagreeing. I believe the only legitimate form of apology is changed behavior, and I intend to make that change so that this space can be more inclusive and welcoming, as I have only ever wished it to be.

Because, well, I like to think that we have made a welcoming and inclusive space, a space where we are able to respect one another’s boundaries. I am just one person, just a girl with a blog on the internet who has tried to forge a community of peers and friends. I am not a politician with a PR team approving my every post, there are no mods here to help me interact with you guys. I’m just a girl who writes fanfic and posts it on the internet. I write fanfic that makes me happy, that I’m proud of, for me, and I am happy to share it with you. Especially because through that fanfic, I’ve met incredible wonderful people, and I’m thankful for all of you.

Through having this blog, I’ve met people that I consider to be lifelong friends -- people that I plan on building a future with, and for that I’m forever grateful. I’ve met people who have become inspired to write their own fanfic or start their own blogs, and even when it’s a subject matter that’s not something I’m interested in or one that I personally don’t like, I have always, always been encouraging. Because this is a hobby, this is something people should be doing for fun, because they want to, and no other reason. So when I see claims that “I’ve forced people to quit writing” or someone saying “I quit the fandom because of you”, I know that that’s simply not true. The only way you quit writing is by not writing anymore. It may feel better to blame someone for the reasons why, but no one can make you do anything except yourself.

Similarly, I’ve seen people saying that I’ve “ruined their favorite character” and to that all I have to say is what I’ve always been saying; if you don’t like my writing, you don’t have to read it. If you don’t like my interpretation of characters, you don’t have to consume the content I put out. If you don’t like my opinions, you don’t have to follow me. People don’t “ruin characters” for anyone else, when you simply avoid the content you don’t like, and focus on (or make) the content you do like.

Have I been confused when someone shares my story with a tag that didn’t make sense and so I reached out to them privately to address the issue? Yes.

Have I expressed my negative feelings about fics and the trends of fandom in the comfort and boundaries of my own blog, in posts that I remove when I felt that they no longer were worth keeping up? Yes.

Have I expressed my concerns regarding certain tropes, themes and kinks, opinions formed by my own firsthand experience with them, coupled with the potential damaging effects they may have on a young and impressionable audience like some of those in this fandom? Yes.

I don’t deny any of these things, because I am not ashamed of any of these things. You don’t have to like it, but that does not make me a monster, nor does it make me a tormenter of this fandom as I have been called.

Tormenting people in fandom is making long scathing posts publicly blasting someone because you’re angry that they blocked you. Or making long public callout posts to warn others in the fandom of my many crimes – crimes which actually aren’t crimes at all – and whipping up a frenzy of frothing at the mouth hate. Or reblogging a post and hijacking it with long commentary about something that has nothing to do with you in an attempt to shame the original poster. Or getting screenshots of private conversations where someone is joking with a person who they once thought was a friend, that are taken out of context and framing them to fit a narrative you’re spinning against them. That’s torment.

This fandom has the most vicious and warped mob mentality that I have ever seen. I’ve seen it in the treatment of Adam and Joanne, I’ve seen it in the treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran. I’ve seen it in the treatment of other bloggers, and well, I can say I’ve seen it and experienced it myself. I worry for the future of the fandom, when this sort of behavior is rewarded and celebrated, because people are so quick to simply agree with someone’s impassioned anger instead of thinking critically for themselves.

However (and this is the ‘but’ of the whole post), I cannot make this post and make all these statements without saying that this community has also been a place of kindness and support and acceptance, and I’m genuinely touched by everyone who has ever gone out of their way to talk to me. I thought long and hard about deleting this blog. I thought about just packing up and leaving our corner of the web, or moving to other platforms. I even put out a little announcement on my ao3 that I was done, I was out of here. But it didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t feel right to abandon all the incredibly beautiful, talented, welcoming, supportive and kind people that had found some peace in this corner of the web. I was absolutely blown away by the sweet messages that were sent to my inbox, and my DMs, the posts that were circulated written by friends and strangers alike literally brought me to tears.

I know that many people here do not like me, and want nothing to do with me, and that’s okay. I know that my content is not for everyone, my opinions are not going to be lined up with everyone else’s, that’s okay too. People have not liked me from the beginning lol, that’s nothing new to me. I have always said, that I would continue to write even if no one read my stuff, and that’s still true. You are in charge of your internet experience, follow the people and consume the content that makes you happy, and block out the things that don’t.

If you are reading this and you are one of the kind people, one of the supportive and understanding people who are on my side, I cannot say thank you enough. The time I took away made me realize that there are much larger problems in the world than strangers on the internet having negative opinions about me, and that kindness will always be more powerful than hate. The community we have built together means more to me than the bullshit other people try and start.

So, all of this is to say, that I’m back.

Some things are going to be a little different around here; I’m very very sorry I know I said I would never do this but I’ve turned the anonymous function off for the time being just for the sake of my sanity, and I’ve updated my FAQ. Writing will no longer be posted directly to tumblr, but rather a redirect link from AO3 will be posted making all tag-list requests null and void.

But other things will remain the same. We’re still going to have sleepovers, I’m still going to accept prompts (but please give me some time before we get back to sinday, as I’m still in a little bit of unease about all of this). I’m still going to be talking about my personal AU, and I’m still going to be uploading fanart and gifs and memes and shitposts and answering your questions and giving you the love you all have shown to me over the years.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for giving me the time to say my peace. I know it’s a long post, but I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for quite some time, and I’m relieved to finally express them. Please know that my posting this isn’t intended to stir up anything, or cause any drama, or relive any pain.

I just missed you all very dearly. I hope that we can move onward and upward together, a babbushka 2.0 of sorts. It’s an exciting time to be in this fandom, and I am looking forward to experiencing everything together.

I’m sending you all of my love.

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fermented-writers-block · 4 years

Text

Boiling Isles Civil War Thoughts and Opposing Extremes

Throwing this out there as a last minute theory/idea list before the season finale, but as I’ve touched upon before in my Coven Artifacts post, the basic idea is that I suspect that over the course of the show, we could very well end up with a kind of civil war between two main factions on the Boiling Isles: specifically, between the Emperor’s Coven and a newly formed Bad Girl Coven:

From what others like @sepublic and @anistarrose have noted, the show seems to be heavily leaning into the theme of conformism vs individualism, and with this plus the sinister undertones of Belos’ reign and the likelihood of there being plenty of people across the BIs - outside of covenless witches and rebels like Eda - who are dissatisfied with Belos’ rule, it has always felt to me that Eda’s advice to Lus to “teach them some of that Bad Girl Coven magic” at the end of Something Ventured, Something Framed could very well turn out to be more prophetic than either of them would have ever thought.

With that said, though the show so far has Eda - a large symbol of individualism in her actions and mindset - as a main character, I don’t believe that it will go the route of simply going “conforming completely bad, individuality completely good” as some sort of black and white divide, as this is the kind of complex and complicated topic that has an equally complex and complicated answer to figure out.

Not only that, but to boil it down to something as simple as that could very well leave out the chance for some particularly thought-provoking episode concepts and interesting character arcs/interactions across the show, particularly as a way to potentially push the main cast and supporting characters towards their opposite extreme.

After all, when you have characters at two opposing extremes, it can be particularly interesting character development to have them undergo challenges that force them towards the other’s side, that help them see the flaws in their own extreme and potentially even lead to striking a kind of compromise between the two.

That, and it’d make for some great parallels, foils, and contrasts across opposing groups like outlined down below:

For me, the Emperor’s Coven and the Bad Girls Coven could end up standing as complete foils to each other, enforcing laws on magic and fitting in as an official Coven compared to encouraging freedom in magic choice and personality as a “coven” instead of anything actually binding.

Just imagine the parallels between two pupils in magic, two powerful witches as their teachers, and two covens with access to all magic and said teachers at the helm. Both mentors and students are on different sides of conformity and individuality, and as the series goes on, both of their ideals and assumptions about the world they’re in get challenged in ways they never could have expected.

Obviously for Amity on the Emperor’s Coven side, there would be the obvious challenge of being torn between helping Luz break down the rules of her society and aiding her mentor maintain the world she is actually familiar with. But with Lilith on the other hand, she might have to face the possibility that the kind of ideology she’s bought into all these years is wrong - or at least, begin to realize some of the potential major flaws with it.

I mean, Lilith seems to me like the kind of character who doesn’t particularly actively concern herself with how Belos’ system treats the people under it unless it affects her more directly, and given that it sounds that Belos’ plans have changed in regards to Eda and how Luz will get Eda’s staff despite him commanding for it to be broken, we will likely see the start of these cracks in her beliefs and faith in the emperor this coming episode.

Perhaps she might even try to go searching for other points of view in some kind of attempt to reassure herself that what she thinks is correct and that they are wrong, only to find herself actually agreeing with these perspectives and beginning to slip away from Belos’ grasp.

As for the side of the Bad Girls Coven, Luz could face the challenge of having to handle the full transition from an outcast on Earth to an unusual student at Hexside to a full blown revolutionary leader, unintentionally finding herself the “chosen one” of so many people to follow and maybe even emulate.

Heck, it’s one thing to imagine oneself as being an inherently special part of some destined prophecy, and it’s another to inadvertently wind up kicking off a societal upheaval from a likely mix of having befriended fellow outcasts that will help you like you did for them, accidentally inspiring people to step back and question the way magic works with your discoveries, and becoming the teacher of an unprecedented form of magic that ANYONE could use, even non-witches.

And for Eda, well, I believe we’ve already seen the start of this shift between extremes in her decision to let Luz have some structure in her education and go to Hexside. Furthermore, with the Bad Girls Coven, while Eda herself might lean towards rebelling against authority and being yourself, she could very well end up facing a similar problem as Lilith with their respective covens.

On the EC’s side, Lilith could have the positive and negative sides of extreme conformity shine through her coven members being able to mobilize and coordinate quickly with little to no dissent against the BGC, but also struggling to adapt on the fly to unforeseen changes and opposing ideas/ways of thinking. They could be well organized and ready to fall into line at any moment on her behalf, but lack the imagination and perspective to truly answer Lilith’s inquiries or come up with substantial suggestions of their own.

On the BGC’s side, Eda could deal with the likelihood of her ‘coven’ being open to anyone and everyone on Luz’s behalf, ranging from other covenless witches who want to support the cause to potentially even her past enemies and rivals. I mean, for as much as it may be a case of “Enemy Mine” with said enemies, I wouldn’t be surprised if Luz initially kickstarted the coven by publicly declaring that everyone deserves the chance to be free to do whatever magic they want and that her kind of magic is available to everyone.

With that, both Eda and Luz might have to deal with the ramifications of such in the form of people seeking to take advantage of her teachings for personal gain, those with conflicting personalities or bad history being grouped together and potentially causing trouble, having to collaborate with former enemies, and figuring out how to apply at least some structure to the BGC.

After all, while a group with too little structure can be suitably chaotic enough to possibly throw off the likes of the EC, it can also be disjointed and unable to really work together or agree on any plan.

I mean, it would put Luz and Eda in the interesting and precarious position of having to tell all these people who came to them to be freed from Belos’ rule that they have to establish some ground rules of their own, and with that would come the issue of just how much is too much and how much is too little.

Either way, while I can’t quite figure out anything about how Kikimora, Hooty, Belos, or King and the others could experience a similar kind of challenge at the moment, these are a couple of my thoughts on where such a civil war could lead and change these other four characters.

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house analysis #the owl house theory #owl house analysis #owl house theory #eda clawthorne #luz noceda #amity blight #lilith clawthorne #emperor belos #bad girl coven #emperor's coven #BOILING ISLES CIVIL WAR

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rpbetter · 3 years

Note

You make some really good posts!! Can I ask something about DNIs? I know it's not directly RP-related, but I have trouble as an RPer with how many DNIs, with urls, there are now. I try not to interact with muns who have them, I block them, because it feels manipulative? But I'm also tempted to block people who follow those muns, because they probably think their DNIs are okay to have, so they're still "bad", just not as bad? Do you think that's overkill, am I shooting myself in the foot?

Oh, thank you! I'm very happy you've enjoyed them!

And, of course, ask anything at all!

I think, ultimately, the answer to whether that's overkill is entirely dependent on what your experience is and if you're happy with it. I don't think it is overkill at all, but if you feel like it is costing you too many mutuals, it might be overkill for you.

I'm a pretty insular RPer, I like a handful of close writing partners that I write a lot of threads with, so, having something like, under ten writing partners is great for me while it's miserable for other muns. I can go wild on blocking and not have it negatively impact my enjoyment, but I know that's not the case for everyone!

And I do, actually, I do go pretty wild with the blocking when it comes to things like DNIs. If it comes off as policing to me, not just something like a difference of opinion or a strong opinion on something, I'm going to block. Otherwise, it's just recognizing that this isn't a mun I'm going to work out with, but no hard feelings. With policing though...I don't want that anywhere near me or my mutuals, so, it's going to be a block.

Because they do tend to be in these odd, like, nested situations lol I totally will spend the effort if their DNI is bad enough to look at the muns they interact with and make sure I don't have future contact with them either. The RPC is such a big place, making it easier to forget URLs than to remember them, but it's also a place where we establish circles of contact, making it easier to run into the same group repeatedly. I feel like it's better for my peace of mind to be a little more certain than not at all that this isn't going to happen as easily.

If that DNI etc. has been so awful, I definitely don't require their mutuals professing the same beliefs as loudly as they are. If you interact with someone, maybe you don't know their pet fish's name or the obscure lore in a headcanon they posted five years ago or the rule they updated without telling anyone, but you do know what is on their pinned post or blog description or rules. At some point, we all visit each other's blogs in dash-view if nothing else when we're getting replies or checking for memes they might have posted, going through their tags, whatever. I do not believe that you're mutuals who reblog from each other often, reply frequently to each other, ship each other's muses and so forth, and all this time, you've somehow failed to notice your bestie mun is telling proshippers to die in their DNI lmao

No, you've seen it. And I find it extremely hard to believe, too, that it's never come up in conversation OOC either.

So, this hypothetical mutual is so oblivious to others, completely agrees with the other one's views while not feeling confident enough to share them publicly, or is scared enough of the other one that they won't disagree...and no matter which/which combination that might be, they're not a mutual I want.

Especially when it comes to a DNI with someone's URL in it. Hard pass on anyone who is okay with that!

If I visited a writing partner's blog, let's say this person is also my closest friend, I value them and the threads I have with them so much, and I saw that in their DNI they had dropped someone's URL? We would have to talk. I'd have to bring it up because it's the right thing to do (and would also be highly out of character for any of my friends, thus very concerning). There would have to be a question posed about what happened here, why did you feel like this was a good choice, and do you think it's increasing or lessening the problem to have that there?

Honestly, sometimes people do get so upset about something that has happened that their worst impulses are let loose freely. When you ask someone you have an established relationship with about that, unless you're being really hateful about it right off, it can help them settle down, take a step back, and see that this is maybe not the right action to take. To me, silence says you're okay with it.

When muns started putting more elaborate DNI's in, that alone rubbed me the wrong way because I genuinely do not think that the majority of that information is at all necessary. It's something I can see and fully understand minors doing, not because they're terrible or anything but because the impulses and rationale are just different. You're very much geared to be as loud as possible about things that are important to you, making them a part of you in a huge way, as a teenager. Shit just is unreasonably intense! But as an adult, I expect that behavior to be different. You don't actually need to say on your RP blog's DNI that "transphobes WILL be blocked!!!"

Well, yes, I should hope so lol we're a community filled with muns who are trans, I'd certainly hope you were not cool with that kind of thing. It's one of those assumptive states, it goes without saying because, in a group of legitimate adults, it literally doesn't have to be said that a trans mun in a group of trans muns in a RPC filled with trans muns would be intolerant of transphobic assholes.

And, no one likes a damn transphobe, it's not like this stunning, fresh information, here. Not making such a statement does not, in fact, act as a welcome.

Saying that, and I do not mean literally just that, it's just an example of the type of things found in a common DNI, is a little immature for me. Some of those things are, in addition to being purely self-validating: playing into the fear created by policing, virtue signaling, policing, or baiting. And all of them are pointless. Telling someone who would already be bigoted toward you and others to not interact if they somehow miraculously ID as whatever label that takes for them to not interact with your posts is waving a metaphoric red flag in front of a bull. Kind of like tagging a post as either "antis don't interact" or "proshippers don't interact." Actual quickest and most assured way to get that interaction!

I totally understand the age thing, it's self-protecting. Most people do respect it, but when they don't, you've clearly stated that this is not for whatever age group. Things pertaining to your writing and/or muse I also understand and think are great for a quick glance before someone even gets to the rules. Having in a DNI something like "muns who are easily triggered by gore" when you write a horror muse, for instance. You're advising them that this isn't a great idea for them, and it shouldn't be expected that you change your muse and topics because they decided to follow anyway.

But it became excessive very quickly, and there is the expectation that blogs have a DNI. The further expectation is that there be a specific list of things found in that DNI, if yours does not include it, you obviously don't have a problem with those things. I really cannot be okay with that, you know?

However, when it wasn't being used as a callout or a way to police, that was something that could just be ignored. Once URLs of other RPers started to appear, it was a whole other problem.

It used to be the pervading rule of the RPC that it is not alright to force other muns to chose between you and another mun that you had an issue with, but now we have DNIs with other muns' URLs in them. Now, it's the opposite take - if you have an issue with a URL being dropped in a DNI, or if you continue to interact with the mun, you're likely to get a callout or be on the receiving end of other bullying.

So, I very much think the self-insulating thing to do is to avoid those mutuals as well as the RPer with the URL-laden DNI. They could just block you, but is someone who was so juvenile as to put another mun's URL in their damn DNI going to be mature enough to do that? Will their friends once they complain about you? For me, it's too high of a risk of being around muns I wish would take a very long break from RP and only come back once they've grown up some.

I would never advise anyone to do something that is erring on the side of getting them into harassment water unnecessarily (as in, not something that pertains to digging in your heels and writing what you want or not tolerating bullying where you see it happening), and I feel like not doing what you are is that. However, I also am a firm believer in agency, even to make mistakes.

So, if you genuinely feel like blocking mutuals of someone with a URL-dropped/callout/other highly offensive and bullying thing in their DNI is costing you so many chances to RP that you're no longer enjoying yourself here? You might want to consider adjusting how widely you are blocking.

If that's the case, try going for mutuals who are what I call Casual Mutuals and leaving them open. Those are mutuals that the mun doesn't write with often or at all, they're technically mutuals because they both follow each other, but that's it. There might be some liking of posts or even comments or non-committal, OOC style memes sent in by Casual Mutuals, but that interaction is sparse and, yep, casual. These mutuals might legitimately be unaware of the mun's hateful, bullying bullshit in the DNI, or they are actually afraid to unfollow/block them at this point, so their option feels like staying around as quietly as possible.

With that last deal...you could even be doing someone a favor, Anon. When I've encountered that situation before, it's come about because the other person's Casual Mutual is painfully anxious, shy, and a previous victim of bullying. They feel isolated, they don't have many or any writing partners, and they really, truly, are terrified to distance themselves in a way that might be noticed. It's a type of toxic interaction that rarely gets mentioned in PSAs, presumably because it is so low on the actual interaction scale.

Giving them someone else in their corner, especially if that other mun is more open about their intolerant stance on bullying, can go a long way toward giving someone else confidence. I've had other people's Casual Mutuals become my Casual Mutuals and wouldn't you know it? After a while, they get braver. They see my friends and mutuals doing our thing without any of the bullying going on, they see us supporting anti-policing and not tolerating bullying, and they get brave enough to unfollow the hateful mun. It feels nice to even inadvertently help someone, and over the years, some of those Casual Mutuals have become great writing partners, too. People I would have missed if I had made the choice to block them by the association of a hateful mun they were trapped in the orbit of.

Just try to exercise caution! You seem like a reasonable person who doesn't mind truly thinking on things or doing the work required to be cautious. Assume the close mutuals are a problem, too, and block away. Build a wall with some razor wire on it with those blocks! Don't assume the low-interaction, very casual mutuals are, though. Check out their blogs for signs of agreement with Hateful Mun, and if they don't have any, give them a shot as far as just leaving them unblocked goes.

I also have to say, here at the end, that it's extremely nice to see that people out there are doing this. Honestly would have thought I'd be the last person to encourage a ton of blocking, but that's the environment of the RPC now, and it's really the only way we can deal with this issue. You can't reason with these people, you can't stop them, you can only stay away from them for your own good and send a message that this isn't benefiting them. Not everyone agrees with them, they're not going to keep having people left open for their attacks or their RP entertainment. And if enough people are just walling them off, that is a message they'll have to receive because RP runs on interaction with others.

They might think they want every "nasty ass" xyz Problematic RPer to block them, not interact, or vanish from their view of the RPC, but I don't think they realize what that really looks like. What it looks like is a huge percentage of the RPC missing, including people they didn't realize were "problematic." We tend to be quieter, wanting to stay in our own lanes and actually enjoy the hobby and each other. That's why they have to resort to shit like making everyone pre-guilty, or setting up traps to catch people out on being "gross."

So, I genuinely do not think they're prepared for the rude awakening of silence that would happen if we all actually vanished, but I am dying to see it lol and do sometimes have to wonder if the complaints about the RPC being dead/dying/empty, not in a fandom but overall, are coming from the purity police some of the time. It's quite active over on the Leave Folks Alone Over Fiction side of life :D

#answered #anonymous #policing #dni lists #blocking #rp advice #rp problems

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swiftiephobe · 4 years

Text

thoughts on edit discourse, aka “you all realise this is meant to be fun?”

okay so buckle up swifties because i have some THOUGHTS about the whole edit discourse, the idea of needing to support editors by reblogging their posts and where i think some of you are a bit... misguided in how you approach sharing content on tumblr.com. this is a long post (i have put it under a cut because it is that long) because i am incapable of saying things concisely and i cannot think of another way to get my points across without having them misrepresented. i know a lot of people might ignore this because it’s a long ass essay, and that is valid <3 i just wanna get these thoughts out there. i do appreciate anyone who chooses to read this and try and understand my point of view. i love editors and the content they create. i do not love the idea that people have to run their blogs and engage with content on this website in a very specific way in order to be acceptable to the community.

also this isn’t directed at any one person in particular. the attitudes i am talking about are pervasive in a large portion of the fandom, and i’ve seen them building for quite a while now. i’m happy to have a respectful discussion about many of the points i’ve made here, as i know a lot of you will disagree with them. the purpose of this post isn’t to “attack” people, it’s to provide a different perspective.

i wanna preface this by talking about when i first started posting edits. i don’t do it a lot now mostly because i’m busy and don’t often feel like it but back in 2017/2018 i really got into editing. i remember when i first taught myself how to make gifs in photoshop, and i made my first gifset, and i was so excited to post it because i was so proud of myself for having created something. so i posted it, and then i kept making and posting gifsets. most of them didn’t get many notes, and frankly a lot of them were not very good because i was still learning, but i still posted them because it was nice to have created something.

one day i posted a gifset and tagged it with some appropriate tags, including tagging some big source blogs. well, one of those big source blogs actually reblogged my gifset! and i was so excited by that. i even went and sent that blog an ask profusely thanking them for reblogging my edit. it’s a bit embarrassing to think about having done that now, but the point is i was so excited to have a blog that i considered “important” reblog my stuff, and of course that led to more notes on the gifset which made me happy. that gifset ended up getting about 150 notes, which still isn’t a lot but it made me happy at the time.

why am i telling this story, you might ask? because i want to put it out there that I GET IT. getting that reblog on that gifset made me, a baby editor, very very happy. ecstatic, even. the fact that i can still remember it now shows how much it meant to me. i was already proud of myself for having created something that i thought was good, but getting that extra bit of external validation to tell me that what i had created was actually good felt special. so i understand why editors want people to reblog their work. it makes us feel good to see that others are enjoying what we’ve made enough to want to share it with others.

so i kept making edits, some of them got a lot of notes while others really didn’t. i continued to learn new things about editing, i played around in photoshop and got excited every time i realised a new thing i could do with one of the tools. some of the edits i made were a lot of work, and i was very proud of them, and i still am very proud of them. a lot of those edits that hold a special place in my heart did not get many notes. one edit that i made (which was a url graphic for another person) took hours and a lot of hard work trying to figure out how to make my idea happen, and i think now it has less than ten notes.

sometimes i look back through my edit tag and i see edits like that one, that i loved making and thought turned out very well, but have relatively very few notes. and honestly? when i look at them, i don’t feel sad about the number of notes they have. sure, i think “well, it would’ve been nice if more people had seen this”, but for the most part i still feel damn proud of myself for having made it. i feel happy looking at them because they remind me of when i was making them and how much i enjoyed the process.

at the end of the day, editing isn’t something i do as a job, for the sake of meeting a quota or reaching a benchmark of external achievement. it’s a hobby, something i do because i enjoy the process of creating something. i post my edits here so that they can be hosted publicly on my blog, and yes while getting notes is very very nice, it’s not my primary motivation. this year i’ve mostly been making edits for albums that i have enjoyed, some of which have practically no audience on tumblr and so don’t get many notes. and that’s fine. i don’t make them for other people.

which i suppose brings me to a point that i feel like will upset some people, but... the way some of you talk about editing, sometimes it seems like you don’t even enjoy it? i know that’s ridiculous because you all do, and many of you are crazy talented, but when i read people posting about how getting less than 100 notes on an edit makes them want to give up and never post an edit ever again, i frankly have to wonder if you even enjoyed making the edit in the first place, and if not, why did you do it? it just seems like a lot of you have a warped idea that the end goal of making an edit is notes, when in my opinion it really should be for fun. we’re in the taylor swift tumblr fandom. this is meant to be fun, remember? it’s okay to be upset when something you thought was great doesn’t receive as enthusiastic a reception as you were hoping for, but it happens to everyone and it doesn’t mean you, or others, are doing something wrong. if you enjoyed creating something, and you are proud of it, that’s what really matters in the end.

something else i’ve noticed is the extreme policing of how people interact with edits, mostly the notion that you HAVE to reblog edits and anything else is offensive and unacceptable. and sorry, but no. everyone runs their blogs in a different way. some people use their likes as bookmarks for things they want to reblog or queue for later. some people have a specific aesthetic they want to keep for their blog so don’t reblog every single thing, but they still want to acknowledge that they saw your edit and liked it. people have a million reasons why they don’t want to reblog something, and since it is their blog and their space, all of them are valid.

when you post something to a public social media website, you have to accept that people are going to interact with it in the way that suits them most (this is of course excluding hate or stealing, those are not acceptable). if you are seeing a like on your edit and somehow extrapolating it into some “this isn’t good enough” statement, you are reading way too much into it. if people are liking your edit, it’s because they like your edit. is it nice when people reblog your stuff? yes. but people aren’t obligated to do so.

this also applies to the idea of keeping comments in the tags. i agree that commenting in the tags on edits is proper etiquette, and it’s something i always do. but the absolutely vitriol i have seen directed towards people who comment on their reblogs is not okay. i’ve seen people talk about blocking people who comment on their edits. it’s not nice. if you see someone say “i love this!” about your edit and your first thought isn’t “that’s so nice!” but instead “this person said this in the wrong place so i hate it”, please get your priorities straight.

i think most of the discussion surrounding edits starts off in a good place. it’s good to remind people that reblogging edits is the best way to support them, and that it will make people happy. i think that message has been made clear time and time again, but now it’s turning into something more aggressive. you all say that the fandom is “dying” because people don’t interact with edits (as a side note, edits aren’t the only valid form of content in the fandom. funny text posts, theories, discussions and ask games all contribute to the feeling of the fandom being alive just as much as edits do), but all that these rules you’re trying to implement do is scare people away. people will become more and more afraid to interact with anything, for fear of not interacting enough, not interacting in the right way, or not interacting with the right people. and that, ultimately, will do a lot more harm to the fandom than people liking your edits.

#some of y'all bout to be real mad at me but it must be said <3 #i am TERRIFIED of posting this omfg #please don't yell at me i am sensitive

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authoressskr · 5 years

Text

Write Into My Arms [1]

Characters: f!Reader, James “Bucky” Barnes, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Peter Parker, Hope Van Dyne, Natasha Romanoff, Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Okoye, T’Challa, Shuri, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan, Dr. Strange, Wong, Bruce Banner, Amelina Rodrigez (OFC), with mentions of Thor, Carol Danvers, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Peter Quill, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis and Drax.

Warnings: Language, Action (in last chapter) and no Beta (just me and Grammerly up in here) :: Word Count: 8885 :: Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader

This was written for @jewelofwinter’s Writing Challenge!! I also incorporated a prompt for @jaamesbbarnes + @sgtjbuccky’s D&S’ Milestone Celebration!!

Prompt: “Tin Man lost Y/N.” (@jewelofwinter’s prompt) + “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.” (D&S’ prompt) Bolded in text below. Prompt #1 will appear in the third part while Prompt #2 appears in the second part. The next two parts will be posted by the end of this week. All three will be linked.

Summary: You’re a small time blog writer who is invited to interview the Avengers. ALL the Avengers.

Please do NOT repost, copy & paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION.

-+- REBLOGGING is fine and very appreciated! -+-

Looking around the compound’s living room, you can’t help but openly stare. Everything is expensive, even the doorknobs seem to know their elevated worth.

You’ve circled the room three times so far, each time slower than the last as your keen eyes searching out every minute detail. You’ve been waiting for nearly twenty minutes, which isn’t too much of a bother, and from what you’d heard from other reporters and writers isn’t that long of a wait for Tony Stark. Although your boss said that the article was supposed to cover all of the inhouse Avengers…

Happy, Tony’s chauffeur/bodyguard and right-hand man, had brought you into this room and at this point, your overthinking has begun to wonder if being made to wait here is a diversion so that he can get all the Avengers to clear out. After all, Stark Industries controls most of the press about the Avengers and they don’t do interviews...except Tony and every so often, the good Captain Rogers.

You wonder briefly if watching some YouTube would be extremely unprofessional or just a mild, millennial version of unprofessionalism.

Deciding against it, you sit on the plushest and buttery soft black leather couch, fishing around your large purse for your notebook. Carefully flipping past the first pages, you look over the list of Avengers you’ve compiled - along with basic stats, going over them for the umpteenth time since being assigned this article. And, being the person you are, you had arranged them by age, willingness to talk to you, and then on difficulty on opening up for the story.

Fishing out a pen, you make a few last-minute notes, only to feel that tell-tale prickle at the back of your neck alerts you to the three figures lingering in the large entryway that leads towards a hallway. You pop up, smoothing out your dress bottom nervously.

“Oh! Hello. I’m Y/N, writer for Undefined Muses. I’m, uh, here to interview you?”

“You don’t seem to know if you are or not,” Hawkeye, Clint Barton, says with a big smile - the last yellow traces of a bruise fading on his left cheek.

“I wasn’t sure who all had agreed to participate - and I don’t want to force anyone to do if they aren’t interested.”

“Normally, the reporters are kind of rabid about these kinds of interviews,” Natasha replies smoothly, moving into the room and perching on the arm of an oversized loveseat. She’s dressed impeccably, looking like a glamorous movie star from the thirties, with high waist black dress pants and a dark blue silk shirt with tiny red roses dotted all over.

“Well, my boss sent me because I’m,” You pause, searching for the right word. “Demure.”

“I honestly was waiting for you to say ‘unrabid’.” Clint chuckles out, tossing himself into the loveseat that Natasha is perched on directly across from where you stand.

“I’m not sure what writer would use the word ‘unrabid’. I’m also 90% sure that isn’t a word.”

“Only 90%?” Natasha queries, smiling so knowingly it makes you a little wary.

“Well, he said it, so thus it has been made a word. But you won’t find it in a dictionary. So yes, 90%.”

The large brunet, whom you knew as James Barnes, still stood by the hallway they must have come from, watching the interactions with storm blue eyes. Your shoulders tighten, straightening as you realize that they’d sent all the previous assassins in first. Quite the unsettling welcome wagon… Wait. Was this a weird sort of game? Like chicken? You very nearly chuckle, if that’s the case, because little did these people know you weren’t the bravest person - content with hiding behind your words, telling others amazing and heart wrenching stories.

“Will you all be participating?” You finally manage to get out with a smile without nerves making it forced.

“They will,” Comes the answer from behind you - Tony Stark himself, Iron Man in the flesh, says with a confidence you’d only seen on tv. “Miss Y/L/N. So glad you could make it. Plane ride enjoyable?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you so much for the use of your plane.” He waves a hand as he flashes a megawatt smile.

“No problem. No problem at all. Now, I know they’ve probably introduced themselves but that is Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, and one of the 100 plus pair, Bucky Barnes.”

“Nice to meet you all,” They all nod as Tony rubs his hands together then claps.

“Now, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying, I’ll have Happy drop your luggage in there while I show you around -”

“I’m sorry - uh, staying?” You tilt your head a tad to the left, blinking at the illustrious Mr. Stark.

“Yes. Of course, you’ll be staying here in the compound. Rhodey, Steve, and Sam are headed home as we speak, should be here sometime early tonight. Wanda and Vision are on their way back, they were having brunch at a nearby vineyard. Oh, and Thor, the Guardians of the Galaxy, and Captain Danvers should be in - oh, I don’t know - maybe 3 or 4 days. Everyone else is on site.” Logically, you know your mouth is open. You also know you should close it, but the shock…

Every. Single. Avenger.

Fuck.

“Um, I just...Sir, I didn’t mean...I only just brought...ALL OF THEM??”

“To answer your oh so eloquent questions, I did tell your boss I would be getting you as many as possible. I would have thought Mrs. Rodrigez, was it?, would have conveyed the seriousness,” He gives a little huff, smile firmly in place. “Anyhow, you’ll manage. FRIDAY will have a list of shops that will deliver here - we have a tab, just feel free to add to it.”

“Sir -”

“Tony,” He corrects.

“Tony. I will manage my own clothes, thank you. My boss did stress the importance of this interview block. I was told, however, that this was by choice for the Avengers or Stark Industries staff. Not that you’d make them come from outer space to be riddled with questions. And, Tony, I honestly don’t know why our little site was chosen to write these interviews to begin with, sir. How do you even know who I am…” You were so focused on Tony that you hadn’t realized that Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Pepper Potts (Stark?), Bruce Banner, Scott Lang, Hope Van Dyne and a man of Asian descent you couldn’t place had entered the room. Tony moves closer, peering over the couch and down into your purse, finger pulling at one of the edges to see into it.

“Well, that’s simple. I asked for you.” Eyebrows shoot upward in shock before your forehead furrows. “See, Pep read a piece you did on library and book importance - specifically in young and all school-age children. It was lying around, so I read it. And you know what? I liked the emotion. The thoughtfulness behind it. Every word was picked with such care - constructed to paint a picture. And that’s what I want you to do for us.” He gestures for you to sit, which you give a gentle shake of your head at and takes up the seat you’d been in before. He leans forward, one elbow balanced on his knee as he looks up at you. “We get good press, bad press too, but I want people to see the big picture. We’re a team. We’re a family. We sacrifice a lot to be able to do what we do. Paint that picture for me.” The spell Tony seemed to have cast on you raised and you look around to see the whole room staring at you, waiting.

You swallow hard and nod a couple of times. “I’ll do my best, Tony.” He rises and gives a nod of his own, flashing you a smile tinged with sadness that he quickly hides.

“Good. Good. Let’s get you into a guest room and then the tour. But first, some more introductions.”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

The voice in your room, in all the building you suppose, FRIDAY as she introduced herself, announced that dinner would be casual dress and served in an hour. Tony had been a gracious host, informing you he’d canceled your room at the winery - that, coincidentally, Wanda and Vision had been having brunch at earlier - before sashaying around the compound with Pepper, Scott, and Hope all in tow like a little tour group. Tony dutifully recited when it was built, remodeled, rebuilt. The layout and their functions. He adds little tidbits about visiting when he was little, making everything a little more real for you. You walk beside him, with him sometimes latching onto your elbow as you talk softly into your recorder, reminding yourself to get pictures of certain areas later with your camera.

It had been nice, Scott was witty and said aloud most of the smart ass comments you’d been thinking. Pepper kept Tony focused and Hope spent as much time as you did asking questions. The tour of the basic facilities ended back where it had begun in the living room, rain beginning to splatter against the massive wall of windows to your left.

You’d managed to find your way back to the room, 5th on the right, to find your overnight bag sitting on the end of the bed next to a plush white robe and a note from Tony stating he’d still asked for the stores to bring over things for you to pick out tomorrow and not to bother fighting him on it. Kicking off your shoes, you’d wandered over to the floor-to-ceiling window in your room to watch the raindrops slide down the glass, tucking your legs under you as you sat on the very soft, thick carpet with your notebook and pen.

Amelina, your boss and best friend, had bought you a gray, faux-leather sunflower embossed one to butter you up. Your little addiction and she knew it. You’d accepted the notebook and the assignment with little hesitation. Only to look at the notebook lying on your desk later and think ‘What the hell have I just done?!’

The first page is an outline of what Amelina had said she wanted from the articles (she ideally wanted to break them into separate pieces with each Avenger getting their own spotlight), your notes on the Avengers from digging online and the preliminary dates the article, or articles, would be posted on the site. Taking a deep breath you flip past the Avengers you’d already made lists for, adding the Guardians, Captain Danvers, Doctor Stranger, Wong (whom you’d met earlier), adding Scott and Hope as well, since they are West Coast-based and you had a 50/50 chance of actually interviewing them initially.

Your recorder would hold the interviews, your verbal notes and memos to take pictures of certain locations...but your gray notebook, that was for your notes and thoughts on their habits, likes and dislikes based on observation, how they interact with you, and how they interact with each other.

The alarm on your phone drags you away from writing a few more observations on the page designated for Pepper Potts, letting you know that you need to get up and changed for dinner. You plug your recorder in to download the tour from earlier while you change and freshen up your hair and makeup.

Your hopping on one foot, trying to shove your foot into the stupid pump when your alarm goes off again. Tossing yourself onto the end of the bed, you unplug your recorder and wiggle your foot into the pump better before heading out the door. You shove the recorder into the pocket of your skirt, making your way down the hall when the intro to “7 Rings” begins playing from the phone in your hand. With a quick swipe you answer, stopping almost halfway down the hall.

“Yes?”

“Is that any way to answer the phone?”

“It is when I’m on my way to dinner and your long-winded call could make me late.”

“Harsh, dude, harsh.” Amelina barely takes a breath before continuing. “So, whatcha got so far?”

“First of all, that isn’t how I work. How long have you known me, Lina? By the way, I’m mad at you.”

“What for?”

“You didn’t tell me I’d be staying here or that I’d be here for two weeks. I looked like an idiot in front of Tony Freaking Stark and Pepper Freaking Potts!” You hiss into the phone, tapping your foot in irritation as she chuckles on the other end of the line.

“Sorry! I honestly didn’t know how long you’d be staying -”

“Well, it’s nice that you let me know that!”

“Mr. Stark just asked how long he could have you on loan. I said a max of three weeks.”

“Oh my god, Amelina,” you groan, letting your head drop forward as you repeat in your head to breathe.

“You are such a -”

“You’re being a real bitch. I would have packed. I would have been prepared. But nooooo! Now I’m standing in a hallway wishing that your brother’s new puppy would pee in your expensive shoes!”

“Now that’s just mean!”

“I’m hanging up now. May Jedi maul all the shoes you hold dear.” You jab your thumb against the screen before taking a deep breath and continuing your trek to the living room.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Apparently ‘casual’ at the Avengers compound is a broad term. Clint is sporting a sweatshirt with the SHIELD logo emblazoned on the front with black jogging pants and loafers. Steve has a dark blue shirt that is miraculously being held together by mere buttons, which you’re afraid if he strains, will lose their valiant efforts to keep his shirt together. His is paired with khakis and the same loafers as Clint, which amuses you for some unknown reason. Sam Wilson has a red t-shirt with a black blazer over it, dark gray jeans and some well-worn boots. As you finish taking in appearances, standing like a wallflower half-hidden by the hallway arch still, you can’t help but wonder if you should pinch yourself to see if this was reality.

Sam spots you first, or is the first to acknowledge it, and makes his way over with a friendly smile painted on his face.

“I’m Sam Wilson, nice to meet you.” His hand extends and nearly swallows your own before giving it a firm shake. You liked that. He wasn’t treating you as delicate. You detested when men did that when shaking hands with women…

“Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you as well.”

“Heard Tony gave you the tour.” He’s got a smirk now, eyes bright and teasing.

“Oh yeah. He offered to let me try out a suit - but only when Pepper and Steve weren’t around.”

“Killjoys,” Sam gives a serious shake of his head, chuckling as FRIDAY announces dinner is ready to be served. “Let’s get you to dinner. We’re having it in the mess hall once everyone gets here - tonight we can still have it in the actual dining room.” He offers his arm, guiding you out of the living area. “You met Bucky, right?” You give a nod, very aware the aforementioned is right behind the two of you. “His article will be the shortest. Dude’s damn near a mute unless he’s lecturing Steve, so I wish you good luck on interviewing him.”

“And here I thought that your odd friendship was all made up…” You answer slyly, hearing a snort of laughter behind you - unsure if it belongs to Steve or Bucky.

“Hey Cap, you meet the reporter?” Sam flashes you a smile as he turns the two of you around, bringing you to a hard stop so you don’t ram into the super-soldier.

“Steve Rogers, miss.” He offers his hand and gives yours a firm shake, his blue eyes holding a wariness you weren’t expecting. Captain America, wary of you? Doesn’t inspire a lot of hope in you about this whole experience…

“Y/N Y/L/N, sir.”

“Sit! Sit!” Tony orders jovially from down the table before pointing to the man at his right. “Rhodey. War Machine. Liar extraordinaire. I may need to sit in to make sure he gets all the facts straight.”

“Don’t listen to Mr. Stank over here, ma’am.”

“Unfortunately, that’s why I’m here Mr. Rhodes.” Steve pulls out your chair for you, waiting until your seated to take his seat to your left. “Thank you.”

“I think we should all get to know each other,” Tony starts, only for Rhodey to roll his eyes and Bruce to scoff from the other end of the long table.

“May I record?” You ask, watching everyone sort of tense and shuffle.

“Of course!” Tony answers as you withdraw the recorder, clicking it on and sitting it beside your plate.

“I think it’s only fair since I’ll be bothering all of you for the next two or so weeks, that you can ask me whatever you’d like as well.”

“That’s fair,” Dr. Strange concedes from his spot to your right.

“Very fair, I think,” Scott agrees, giving you a big comforting smile.

“Okay, well let’s start with where you were born.” A handful of waiters come in, setting bowls and plates onto the tabletop before disappearing.

“Family style,” Pepper clarifies before looking expectantly to you.

“I was born in California. But moved to Seattle when I was little, maybe about 3. Right before I started kindergarten we moved back to California. Been there ever since.”

“And your business?” Pepper asks, dishing some green beans onto her plate.

“It’s more Amelina’s than mine. We’re partners in the site, but I do the money part, well I prep it for the accountant - and most of the writing - and she does the schmoozing, bossing around, the sports articles and the keeping up of the site. So she’s doing the lion’s share.”

“I would think you break even,” Hope pipes up. “Well, what with you having to travel and compile the information and then write it out. Plus anything to do with money is usually more stressful. Do you both hire and fire?”

“Unfortunately, yes. We tried to hire a sports writer after we’d had the site for a year, but it didn’t work out...”

“Wait. Wait. Was it that guy that kept inserting himself into the story?” Sam laughs out, peeking around Bucky who is beside Steve. You bite back a groan.

“Yes.”

“Bucky, Rhodey - it’s that article I sent you saying that Babe Ruth was only half the baseball player he could have been and that the writer could’ve been the next Bambino.” Rhodey is at least trying not to laugh, but you can see Bucky’s shoulders shaking as you lean backward in your chair.

“That was a huge mistake. All of his work we reviewed before hiring was impeccable. I checked to make sure it wasn’t plagiarized and we called all of his references. Apparently, he’d had some experience in coding and websites, so after he handed in his first final draft, he went in an hour after Amelina posted it, and changed it. We got so many emails - we were getting all these calls... Brian up and disappeared after he did that. To this date, still haven’t had as much traffic on the site as that day.”

“Brian sounds like a douche,” Wanda mutters with a smile, taking a sip from her wine glass. You look down at your plate, finding it overflowing with more food than you’d put on there. You raise an eyebrow at Steve, who just shrugs and puts a forkful of potato salad in his mouth with a smile.

“Yeah. I blacklisted him.”

“Blacklisted how?” Clint manages around a mouthful of bread.

“Oh, um, well I emailed almost every single media outlet in California, Washington, Oregon, and Nevada. Then I asked them to forward it to their parent stations or owners. So basically, after a year of emailing people, most blogs, newspapers, tv stations, circulars, and YouTube hosts in California to Kentucky know not to deal with anyone going by his name. I helped a reporter from Pennsylvania with her story, and she began emailing people on the East Coast about it. All emails included his picture too, just in case he went by another name.”

“Effective. A bit ruthless.” Vision is seated between Wanda and Rhodey, nodding in approval.

“No! Not ruthless!” You defend, voice rising a little before the heat rises in your neck and cheeks. “Sorry. I just didn’t want anyone to get dinged as we did. We had to say a lot of apologies and lost a lot of work because of his pointless self-involved rant. And I mean, who goes after Babe Ruth?”

“Balls but no brains,” Scott adds, the two of you nodding. He points his fork at your plate. “Eat.”

“Can I ask a question?”

“That’s what you’re here for.” Tony chuckles out.

“What do you guys do in times like these? When there aren’t aliens or Loki or HYDRA? Like a big spa day for all of you guys? Karaoke?”

“To be honest,” Natasha begins. “There aren’t a lot of days like this when we are all free at the same time. But honestly, it’s more watching and waiting than action and aliens.”

“Kind of miss SHIELD to kind of take care of the day to day bad guy cartel and mafia stuff?” You manage around a mouthful of pasta. Sweet Jesus, it was decadent and cheesy.

“Sometimes I miss the help,” Clint admits.

“What Clint means is that he misses telling people what to do.” Sam teases, tossing a bread roll at him across the table, which Clint catches without even looking away from you.

“Hey! I didn’t tell people what to do. They just did it.”

“Did you buy a bar just to tear it down, Tony?” Tony smiles around a forkful of steak.

“Yes. Yes, I did. Ross just rubs me the wrong way.”

“To be fair, I think he rubs everyone the wrong way.”

“You’ve met him?” Steve sounds surprised, eyebrows raised in what you hope is astonishment.

“Unfortunately. I was in college and had to write a piece on something or someone whom you don’t agree with. Now I am all for soldiers but upper management sucks in the military, no offense Mr. Rhodes. But, everywhere, really... I just think the old guys in Congress and equally old guys in the upper ranks are calling the shots on things they shouldn’t be interfering in, as far as college me was concerned. Ross irritated me for the simple reason that he was the smartest person in the room and no matter what I said, what facts I had, what questions I asked, I would always be wrong. Never disliked being called ‘sweetheart’ so much in my life. Hard to have a conversation with the other side when they talk to you like that. Plus, I got a D on that paper, so he sucks in my book.”

“I told him to call me if he needed help. Then I left him on hold. In my own defense, I did warn him earlier I did like to watch the light blink.” Rhodey snorts into his glass at Tony’s admission.

“Like a tiny Christmas light of joy.” Steve comments, leaning back in his chair with a smile.

You shove a forkful of green beans into your mouth, giving a little sigh at how damn good it tasted before spearing a few more and eating those as Scott launches into the tale of him, Cassie, Luis and his ex-wife’s husband all hanging Christmas lights - only for the new husband to find he’d rewired and programmed them to blink in super slow motion with the fastest Christmas songs he could find and vice versa. And every 9 hours and 45 minutes, it played La Cucaracha, perfectly in time with the lights. There are a few chuckles around the table, but you’re laughing pretty damn hard.

“That’s brilliant actually! The deviousness lies in the amount of annoying that they could take. Having to time your exit must have been a bitch.”

“He and one of his buddies took it all down, bought new lights and hung those up. Cassie told me she missed hearing the Chipmunks, so I remotely programmed a timer so it would play the Christmas Don’t Be Late song right before her bedtime.”

“Cassie sounds like a wonderful girl. And very lucky to have you for her father.” Scott looks flustered but gives you the brightest smile before looking down at his empty plate.

“Th-thank you.”

“Of course. Do you guys do Netflix around here? Movie night?”

“Your mind is everywhere…” Hope says with a grin. “That’s good.”

“And to answer your question - yes. We have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime…” Sam trails off as the waiters reappear, clearing the table only to return seconds later with plates of beautiful personal assorted desserts. If this was how they ate, you’d hate to see their exercise regime. Oh god, you hoped you weren’t expected to work out with them...

“I was just wondering how you all decide on a show. Do Steve and Bucky have lists? Like are you all working through AFI’s 100 Greatest Movies? I think I’ve only seen 20 of them. Do you all binge shows together?”

“Pep started a rotation. So if it’s your Sunday night and you’re in the compound or tower, then you pick the movie or show. If you aren’t here, it goes to the next person on the list.”

“Sometimes after a mission, it’s usually just decided to watch tv shows just cause we all sort of zone out,” Steve whispers after Tony’s answer, taking a big scoop of his parfait.

“We’ve never been invited,” Wong pipes up, frowning at Tony.

“Oh, I invited both you and Strange right after Pepper made the schedule. If Strange didn’t relay that…” Dr. Strange just rolls his eyes.

“I mentioned it.”

“You didn’t say it was a regular occurrence.” Wong huffs out before biting into a ladyfinger.

“Like an old married couple,” Clint chuckles out, his desserts all gone as he leans contentedly back in his chair. You give your head a small shake at their exchange before reaching to stop your recorder.

“Well, thank you so much for that delicious meal. And thank you for letting me record. I hope I get less awkward as this goes on.”

“This was awkward?” Wanda raises an eyebrow, making you fiddle with the recorder before tucking it into your pocket.

“Okay, well, um then it will get more awkward before it gets less awkward.” You all rise, pushing in your chairs before wandering out of the dining room and back towards the living areas.

“You’ll find out we’re all awkward. Well, except me.” You nod seriously at Tony’s words, managing to see Bucky roll his eyes at Tony’s words. Huh. Who knew… “Nightcap?”

“Oh, no. Thank you. I’m so full I don’t think I could even manage that.”

“Then we’ll say goodnight.” A chorus of goodnights echoes around the large living room.

“Goodnight everyone.”

You totter off to your room, cursing the fact that you’re so sleepy right now. After washing your face, brushing your teeth and changing into your pajamas, you shuffle down under the covers.

“Well, that wasn’t the most awkward or silent dinner I’ve ever been to…” You mutter before sleep drags you under.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

In the morning, you wake up earlier than you usually tend to, sitting on the floor in your pajamas in front of the rain-splattered window with your headphones on - going over the recordings, transcribing them and making notes in your dotted notebook, since it better served to add afterthoughts to. Not the nice orderly layout of your new notebook. And you’re so involved in listening and typing, snatching up the notebook beside you to jot down memos, that you don’t hear Steve and Tony calling your name and you sure as hell don’t hear them enter.

The scream accounts for that, Bucky and Sam barrelling through your door as you look up at Steve and Tony with wide eyes, shoving your headphones off.

“We’re sorry.” Tony barely restrains a chuckle. “I’m sorry. I had FRIDAY see if you were awake, then came to get you for breakfast, but,” He laughs now, the skin by his eyes crinkling. “You didn’t answer.”

“Maybe we should think about a different system!” You blurt as you stare up at the four men.

“Yes. Definitely,” Tony chuckles. “Next time I’ll have FRIDAY blink the lights to alert you.”

“Thank you!”

“Our pleasure.” Steve grins out, extending a hand.

“No, I’m fine here, thanks.” Steve shrugs, the smile not disappearing.

“Well, we’ll leave you to get dressed for breakfast. The shops are due to arrive after breakfast for you to pick some more clothes for your stay. Sam has also requested to be your first interview.” Sam winks at you from Cap’s left, sporting a wide smile as Bucky’s gaze goes from Sam to you.

“Thanks again.” You peer around Steve. “And thank you two for coming so quickly.”

“Anytime, Y/N.” Sam delivers smoothly, Bucky rolling his eyes before making a swift exit. The other three leave with smiles on their faces.

It takes you several minutes to realize you were in your pajamas; a worn and oversized ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ shirt paired with sleep shorts that could barely be seen peeking under the hem of your shirt.

“Jeez…” You groan, rubbing a hand over your face before closing the laptop and tossing your notebooks on the bed.

Ten minutes later you have your teeth brushed and you’re dressed in adequate attire, shuffling nervously into the kitchen area on the other side of the bar in the living room. Clint and Bucky are cooking, Wanda weaving between the two expertly. You slip in the seat next to Hope, her hair in a ponytail and dressed in workout clothes.

“How long has everyone been up?” You whisper-ask, setting your recorder and notebook beside the empty plate that Natasha sets in front of you with a small smile. You return it as Hope cuts her pancake which is riddled with syrup, fruit and whipped cream.

“We all did a workout before breakfast,” She puts a big bite of sugar-laden pancake in her mouth, “Speeds up your metabolism.”

“Where’s Scott?”

“Here.” He mutters, slipping into the seat on the other side of Hope.

“Not a morning person?”

“I enjoy my sleep.”

“Thank god. Me too. Under normal circumstances.”

“Yes,” A new voice pipes up from the other side of the room, making you lean back to see who it is. “We heard about the intrusion this morning.”

“Holy - Princess Shuri!” After nearly tripping trying to slither out of your stool, you manage to get upright and extend a hand. “So lovely to meet you.”

“Thank you. It is lovely to meet you as well. I read your articles after Tony mentioned you were selected to do the interviews, and I must say that when you do scientific articles, there is a very nice flow and imagery that one does not usually get.”

“Thank you! I’m sure whoever I’ve interviewed in the science community doesn’t care for all the questions I have after the interview, so I’m glad that it reads well to a genius.”

“You will just make her head bigger, Miss Y/L/N.”

“King T’Challa, wonderful to meet you.” You breathe a deep breath of relief as he extends his hand, giving it a firm shake with a warm smile.

“Wonderful to meet you as well. Please sit, you must keep your strength up if you are to deal with all of us.” There is mischief in his eyes, the twinkle of a man temporarily unburdened.

“That bad?”

“Wait ‘til the Guardians are here!” A male voice pipes up, followed by a tossing sound and a huffed “Sorry!”

“Peter Parker, ma’am.” Your eyebrows shoot up as you automatically stick out your hand.

“Spider-Man,” Tony supplies as he walks by with a bowl of oatmeal. Honestly, your only thought is that he’s a baby and should be protected at all cost.

“Yeah, I think I saw a post on Instagram about someone in New York making Spider-Man ice creams...So you’re the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?” Peter blushes, withdrawing his hand and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Don’t worry, kid. Pep had her sign contracts before she even came. She can’t reveal your identity.”

“Oh. Okay then.” His smile brightens at least a hundred watts. “Did you eat yet? Mr. Barnes makes the best pancakes!”

“Does he now?” Bucky’s back is to you, so you can’t see his expression, but there are already two hot pancakes setting on your plate next to several pieces of bacon. “I’m going to gain so much weight while I’m here…” You sigh, actually not the least bit bothered by it once you bite into the pancake, it’s buttery soft fluff filling your mouth, the second bite revealing a tiny melted chocolate chip to add to the deliciousness. Flipping open your notebook, you scribble down a note: Bucky Barnes = wonderful pancakes. Peter sees it and ducks his head as he takes his plate over to where Shuri is sitting, the two of them bent over a tablet when you glance over your shoulder.

Everything is terribly domestic. Normal.

And you want them to enjoy it. Cause honestly, after all that’s happened, they truly deserve a little peace and camaraderie.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

”Okay, so is this alright?” You ask, settling a little more into the plush blood-red chair in Sam’s bedroom, his desk to your right littered with your notebook, your phone, the recorder, and several pens.

“Great. I’m good to go.” You pick up the recorder, clicking it on with a nervous smile directed at Sam before you began.

“Interview One: Sam Wilson, known as Falcon. Okay, Sam, please tell me a little about yourself?”

“What would you like to know?”

“Let’s just start with the basics - like speed dating.”

“I’ve never been speed dating.”

“Well, aren’t we the lucky one?”

“Wait - you’ve been speed dating?”

“Unfortunately. It was for an article but nothing really was romantic or fun about asking the same questions of men who aren’t looking you in the eye.”

“Don’t gotta worry about that here. Our mamas all raised us right.”

“Noted. Alright, so I’ll ask the nice fluffy questions first.”

“Working our way up to the heavy hitter ones.”

“Exactly. What’s your favorite thing to do in New York, besides save it? What was your childhood dream job? Favorite Disney movie? How do you like your coffee?”

“Eat. Man, I love food. They have a little gumbo place in Harlem,” He kisses the tips of his fingers. “Best Southern food up here. As for my childhood dream job - man, I love birds. I wanted to train raptors, rehabilitate them...or I wanted to be a chef ‘cause I enjoy food. All kinds. Man, I haven’t seen a Disney movie in ye -- well, that’s not true because Spider-Nerd made us watch Toy Story 4 the other day...but probably a tie between Fantasia and The Rescuers. And coffee? That I take black with room so I can add cream and three sugars.”

“Good memory skills. Want more difficult ones now?”

“Oh yeah, I’m ready,” He rubs his hands together with a smile spreading quickly across his face.

“If Stark does a superhero calendar, which month do you want and what are you wearing for it?” His laughter is loud and boisterous, his hands braced on his knees before looking at you.

“Whew - went right for it, didn’t you? Are you asking everyone this question? Can I be there when you ask Cap and Bucky? I bet you twenty bucks that Tony says he’s thought of it before and he wants December cause of the gift he is.” You lean over and make a note of it in your notebook.

“I’ll take that bet. I counter with he doesn’t want to do one but he’d like to be July.” He extends his hand and you shake it firmly, mustering up a serious expression as you did so before settling in to wait for his answer.

“Man, okay. Uh, I think I’d like to be August. Not as hot but not cold either, with those pre-fall feelings. And I’m getting the tightest red shirt I own, along with my favorite pair of jeans. But I could be persuaded to dress sexier - nice fitted suit and tie.”

“Why’d you join the Air Force?”

“I just wanted to help people. And I wanted to see the world. My mom was okay with it since she figured the Air Force weren’t the first to deploy and that I’d be mostly out of harm’s way. But I enjoyed the regimen, the camaraderie I had with the other guys. But when my wingman, my partner Riley, died -- you, you know I just didn’t want to be apart of that anymore after that. I decided I’d get more out of life if I helped other soldiers deal with their problems.” He pauses, searching your face for something before continuing. “I met Steve one day when we were both out running. I knew who he was, but I also knew he was just like any other soldier who had come home and was looking to adjust - looking to find his place.”

“So you did what came naturally - you offered a sympathetic ear and some words for him to think on.”

“Yep. And, honestly, I enjoyed getting to know Steve Rogers. I think we have a lot in common, just morals and being a good soldier, but it’s more important to be a better man than all of that.”

“You really admire him.”

“Of course I do. He’s my best friend. I wouldn’t trade what I had to go through - what we all had to go through - to have it done any other way. I mean, it was brutal in some places, but I’d do it all again -- I sure as hell don’t want to, but I would.”

“May I ask why you chose to follow Steve instead of, say, Col. Rhodes? Both military, both having friends who sort of go rogue, both just wanting to do the right thing…”

“Rhodey and I are good friends, don’t get me wrong. But he had a lot on his plate: The military. Ross. Tony. Still dealing with the fallout of SHIELD in the upper ranks. I would follow Rhodey for a lot of things, but I won’t fight against any of the other Avengers again unless they’re mind-controlled or some shit.”

“Peanut butter and jelly or ham and cheese?” You ask softly, giving him a kind smile.

“Peanut butter and jelly.” He says with his own soft smile.

“Can I pet Redwing?” He perks up at that question.

“Yeah, come on, I’ll show him to you.”

“Maybe the suit too?” You tease, gathering up your notebook and phone, shoving the latter into your pocket before the extra pens you’d brought got shoved right along in there. You carefully pick up the recorder, holding it aloft as Sam holds open his bedroom door.

Once you’ve petted Redwing, letting Sam fly it around you. Luckily you were smart enough to stop at your room first for your camera, most of the time focusing on the light in Sam’s eyes as he looks at his little buddy before Steve and Clint come into the hanger, Clint playfully throwing a few rocks as Redwing dodges them, the three of them joking as they stand in a semi-circle and watch. All the while you watch them through the lens, happily snapping pictures before you notice Bucky leaning against the hangar door a handful of feet away. He looks like he’s a model, a small smile on his face that’s half turned away from you with one hand - his metal hand - tucked into the pocket of his black, worn-looking jacket. You snap a few pictures before he turns his head towards you, the smile disappearing. You snap a picture anyway before lowering the lens and smiling as warmly at him as you can. He gives a little nod before pushing off the door and disappearing around the corner.

Clint drags you to the archery range after that, carefully digging through his arrows as he answers question after question.

“Okay, Clint, last one: If Stark does a superhero calendar, which month do you want and what are you wearing for it?” Clint snickers, his shoulders gently moving.

“Really? Well, alright then. I think I’d like to be January. And I think I want to be dressed in a velvet eggplant jacket with a black shirt and some black underwear.” You nearly snort when he wiggles his eyebrows and gives you a lazy smile, twirling an arrow.

“Boxers? Briefs? Thong?”

“I think some nice fitting briefs. Don’t want to make too many people jealous if I bust out my thong…”

“I certainly learned a whole lot about you, so thank you for that, Clint.”

“Anytime, sweet cheeks. Anytime.” He leads you back to the living room for your last interview of the morning before you all break for lunch. “Wanda! I got your girl here!” Wanda is standing by the hallway, a cup in each hand with a smile gracing her too-pretty face. She gestures with her head, her red hair swinging slightly. Clint doesn’t let you go initially, pushing his cheek closer to you.

“Alright, alright, Mr. Sweet cheeks.” You concede, kissing his cheek before watching him saunter past the others, tossing himself down onto the couch beside Scott with a chuckle.

“Good luck!” Sam hollers, making Wanda glare at him for a second before you follow her down the hall.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Wanda is teaching you a few words in Romanian when you emerge from her room for lunch.

Lunch is already laid out as you repeat “Nu, mulţumesc” until she nods.

“And that means?”

“No, Thank you.” You answer obediently.

“Now, combine everything.”

“Ce fasi! Mici sărutări pentru tine în această după-amiază. Nu, mulțumesc. Aș prefera să fac un tort.” [Little kisses to you all this afternoon. No, thank you. I'd rather have a cake.]

Bucky and Natasha shake their heads with a smile.

“And that means?”

“What are you doing? Little kisses to you all this afternoon. No, thank you. I’d rather have a cake.” Wanda chuckles out, giving your arm a loving pat.

“It was something my mother always said to my father. He said little kisses to us all and she said she would rather have cake. Y/N said it beautifully. Very naturally.”

“I am a wonderful parrot.” You smile out before Tony pokes his head in and whistles.

“Lunch!”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Bruce’s interview after lunch is filled with long pauses, his answers thought out and sometimes not what you expected. He takes you through his lab and then he suggests a short jaunt around the garden to finish the interview. When he excuses himself, you stay in the French-style garden, snapping a few scenic pictures and unwinding a bit from the interviews of today.

With four down, you’re feeling pretty perky about the whole series, trying not to think about the 25 or 26 more interviews you needed to do. Wandering through, your fingertips brushing over the perfectly trimmed hedges before spotting a few wild sunflowers towards the path leading into the woods. Carefully kneeling you take a picture, frowning as it’s just not quite right. You settle on your belly, one foot rising into the air as you refocus the camera and nail the picture you wanted!

You don’t even realize that Bucky is taking your picture as you grin at your camera, entirely too pleased with your results before you regain your footing and trek back to the compound.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

You shoot for six interviews the next day, just trying to get them done before the Guardians, Thor and Captain Danvers arrive...Tony having casually mentioned recording a video group interview of sorts before you left. Which didn’t stress you out at all.

Not.

Hope’s interview was witty and broadening...how she described quantum physics (which just led to more questions) was outstanding.

Scott’s was quick-witted, dry and peppered with his pretty broad knowledge of electrical engineering, Captain America, and songs from the 80s. He was very open about his conviction and time in prison, his decision to be ankle monitored to be with his daughter, and how he feels all of this may affect her in the future. He’s an achingly good person and you add him to your “Protect At All Costs” mental list you’ve started.

Steve is stiff. He doesn’t see the humor in your calendar question (you have to show him the Australian firefighter one with the baby animals for reference) to which he begrudgingly requests the month of May and says a casual suit with flowers in lieu of a pocket square. You suggest him sitting slightly towards a camera, painting a field full of flowers...he seems to like the idea and it makes him relax a little - and you’ll have to thank Sam for that tidbit of information he’d given you. You ask Steve a lot about his life before Captain America, how he thinks it would have gone differently if Dr. Erskine had lived, and what he initially liked about the modern world. He tells you about art school and Bucky, getting beat up on a near regular basis in alleys all over Brooklyn, how he discovered Mr. Rogers’ TV show early one afternoon after moving into the compound.

Vision, on the other hand, doesn’t have a lot of life experience to draw upon but he’s a wealth of knowledge. He talks about JARVIS and ULTRON, the differences between the two of them and Tony, he talks about how DUM-E knows who he is and how loyal he is to Tony. He then shows you who DUM-E is, the bot jerkily “shaking” your hand as you marvel over how not just Tony has evolved but his creations as well. Do you coo how smart and handy the robot it? Of course. But it’s worth it to see the robot nodding as you talk about how smart his dad is. DUM-E then gives you a tiny circuit board before you leave, Vision remarking that he likes you very much to have done so. You scribble down a note to ask Tony if that’s okay that you have that.

Peter is your last interview before dinner, and holy cow, everyone in the compound is a fucking genius. Peter tells you about his web fluid, the neighborhood where he’s grown up, and it’s clear how much he admires Tony from how reverently he speaks. Their relationship, you notice, is a little more parent/child than a mentor/mentee relationship. It’s adorable with a tinge of awkward. Peter shows you pictures he’s taken swinging all over New York and you show him where he can get a Spider-Man ice cream. He asks you just as many questions as you do and you chuckle when he refers to nearly every movie before his date of birth as “a really old movie”. You show him a few Charlie Chaplin shorts to show him what exactly “really old” is. He, in turn, shows you Tik Tok videos that you both laugh over.

“Do you like serial killer stuff?” He asks as you both head to the dining room for dinner, tucking his phone back into his pocket, both sets of your sneakers squeaking ever so slightly on the expensive floors.

“I think most women do.”

“Why do you think that?” His little focused face is adorable, trying to link it up in his head.

“Women always think they can do things better. And they’re usually right, just to let you know.” He nods seriously. “We’re outraged by it but intrigued. Pretty sure women can get blood out of just about anything - I’ve gotten red nail polish out of khaki pants by sheer will alone. It’s different for everyone, I guess. But mostly I think it helps us to collectively learn how to plausibly commit the perfect murder while we drink wine from the couch and shove snacks in our faces. And possibly solve a crime in our heads.”

“Huh,” Peter’s brow is still furrowed but he’s nodding his understanding. Peter looks up to find Bucky studying you, and when you look at Peter, he’s just smiling. “Excuse me.” You nod, watching him high-five Shuri before you feel someone by your side. Dr. Strange gestures to your ever-moving seat, which tonight is between Okoye and Wanda.

“Thank you,” you murmur gratefully, not noticing the quick clench of Bucky’s hand as he moves around Strange to his own seat opposite Natasha.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Rhodey steals you after dinner, Sam teasing him as they disappear to his office.

“Come on, man. Just talk to her.”

“Shut up, bird brain.”

“She’s pretty nice. I was concerned she was just gonna go after us, with the questioning, but she eased into it and just didn’t focus on the darker stuff. She seems to want to get to know us as people.”

“It’s weird, huh?” Clint comments as Hope nods.

“It’s nice to be treated like a person. Not someone who’s infallible or holier than thou…” T’Challa remarks from his spot in the plush crimson chair across from them.

“Very inclusive, as well,” Okoye adds as Shuri and Peter come skidding into the room, Peter holding a tablet.

“What are you two doing?” Steve asks as he arches one blonde eyebrow high at the two.

“Nothing,” Shuri says smoothly, Peter nodding a few times too many when Tony comes into the room.

“Why is there a herd of deer in my hanger?” Both teens shoot off towards the patio door, laughing the whole time. “I don’t know what they did, but Redwing is acting like a herding dog with them, so you might need to go check that out, Sam.”

“Damn kids, I swear...I’m gonna need to squash me a spider…” He mutters loudly, heading briskly for the hanger.

“So, you gonna talk to our little journalist?” Tony smirks down at Bucky, which makes him scowl at the billionaire.

“I’m supposed to do that tomorrow,” He grumbles, making Tony smirk harder.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Tin Man.” Bucky wisely says nothing as he tries to calm his ramping up heart rate. “Even the kids have noticed you looking.”

“He has some competition,” Vision adds, smiling at Wanda who tilts her head slightly but returns his smile. “DUM-E.” Tony snorts, shaking his head as he turns away to gather himself.

“The robot? So the two are evenly matched then.” Natasha chuckles out, taking a healthy sip of her gin and tonic as she meets Bucky’s eyes.

“Nat, that’s not fair. The robot shook her hand and gave her a circuit board. He’s leagues ahead of Buck.” Clint teases, taking Natasha’s drink and taking his own healthy sip before handing it back. Bucky looks at his best friend, who is trying desperately to stop his shoulders from shaking with his laughter.

“40’s you would be ashamed. A robot who can’t talk?”

“Bucky Barnes vs a Roomba!” Shuri comments from behind Tony before making a break for it down the hallway with Sam hot on her tail. T’Challa, Okoye, and Bucky all point Sam down the hallway where she disappeared to when he comes panting into the living room.

“Now me is more inclined to hit your once-asthmatic ass for being the little shit you are,” Bucky growls at Steve, getting up from the couch turning to head to his room, only to freeze when he sees you and Rhodey standing by Peter in the door frame to the patio.

“Do you know there are deer in the hanger? And are you guys running a weird robot/human fight club?”

“Is that all you heard?” Tony asks, turning around and slinging his arm over the back of the couch with a smile flirting on his lips.

“We picked up the pace getting in here when we heard Shuri shout Bucky Barnes vs a Roomba. I mean, I’ve seen a raccoon with a machine gun, so that would have just been something else to add to the Weird Shit I’ve Seen list.” You press your lips together hard to keep from laughing at Rhodey’s nonchalant attitude and suddenly, Bucky isn’t as pissy as before. Well, he is - but at his friends - not at you.

Shit.

It’s been three days. Three fucking days and he’s smitten.

“Goodnight,” He says gruffly before retreating down the hall.

He’s nearly in his room, so he doesn’t hear you ask if you’ve done something wrong.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Tagging: @jewelofwinter @sgtjbuccky @jaamesbbarnes @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @stay-frosty-royal-unicorn @chelsea072498 @clockworkmorningglory @sakurablossom4 @marichromatic @blondecoffeecake @ourloveisforthelovely @whinywingedwinchester @feelmyroarrrr

NOTE: Found the pic online and edited it, props to Google and all rights/privileges/ownership goes to who took the photo and to Marvel who made up all these characters.

[PART 2]

283 notes · View notes

purpletalewasteland · 4 years

Note

Why do you believe jerklie is fake? As in depth as you can please. She’s the one factor I don’t feel confident in. I believe Gaylor, that toe is bs, that Kaylor was real at some point. Where I lose faith is that Karlie and Josh aren’t together. As ridiculous as the wedding was, sometimes they look happy together. Could be they’re just really good gay bff’s.

Sorry it took me awhile to answer, but I didn't want to just write some half-assed response and I have been busy...

To be totally honest, I don't actually know know, so I'll start by saying that. But everything about their interactions scream disgenuine to me, especially prior to the engagement. The biggest thing for me is just "gut", but that's a pretty weak argument that leaves a lot of holes, so I don't expect to convince anyone based on that. Look, I'm fully aware that my answers here are fuel for the anti's, because they're just not sound arguments, and moreso just based off observations and personal inferences. So take it all with a grain of salt.

The thing with these two, is that their interactions leave me the same way that "Shawmila" does. Feeling weird and icky and sad. I'll also say that I know exactly what you mean, because while I don't think they're a real couple, it seems like they're better at playing the game now. But anyway, a few reasons immediately come to mind.

1. She didn't really seem to acknowledge him for a long portion of their relationship. I understand being private, I really do. But if your answer to a question about Grace Kelly is asking where your prince charming is, all while you're in an actual long term relationship, is that really an appropriate reaction? I of course understand making jokes, but that would be kind of hurtful, wouldn't it? And I don't need to mention that the guy happens to be rich, which is kind of a factor in the prince charming fantasy 🙄. Or when you get extremely awkward about being asked how to land a guy when you're so busy being a supermodel, and you avoid it by passing if off to the other girls, more than likely because you cant relate to the question whatsoever (and really could just answer in general terms without getting into your own "specifics")... It's just not typical of someone in such a long term relationship, whether or not you're private about it, whether or not you've got superb PR training. Then there's a lack of being publicly involved with him other than in random pap photos (see below), and also promoting a bunch of his investments.

2. The pap pictures. iirc, there was a post where you could see that she walked to his hotel and then they started their stroll for the paps, which is super odd behavior for a real couple. Why aren't you together to begin with, it's just weird to me. They never even put in effort to seem like a real couple in their early pictures, they just existed in one space at the same time. She was trying to build her brand and create a public association, but I think it's safe to say he was trying to do the same.

He was never pictured in her family gatherings or more personal/intimate events. If he was willing to be a public figure (why do you need pap photos and an entertainment based manager if you don't want to be involved in that world?), he was willing to be linked to her, and willing to be photographed with her, I don't know why you would draw the line at privacy.

And, it's weird how they seem(ed) to post pictures that have been chosen from an over-used batch of stock images, rather than natural, non professional/casual event pictures of the two of them.

3. Then they took their previous strategies and started amping it up during, and prior to, the engagement era. The pap photos increased, suddenly they were pictured being "intimate" and kissing (ew), there were more frequent mentions, she actually started acknowledging him, it was all amped up. Yes, one could argue that by becoming more serious, they decided to make their relationship more serious and bring it into the spotlight. But they had already been together for several years, so I don't understand why that would make a difference, unless they were just super casual for years and just using the relationship for public relations ? That still stinks a bit to me.

4. Included in this increased effort was a very quick engagement, and then a half assed wedding. To me, it seems natural that if you're not rushing to get engaged, you wouldn't rush to tie the knot. You would give your damn designer more time than a rush order for 3 weeks, would you not ? And why was that such a short timeline ? Why even go through with the first one if you're planning on waiting for a bigger one later ? I mean, why?? It just doesn't add up. Clearly there was some kind of deadline happening behind scenes, even if you think they're real, something was going on there. I also personally believe that it wasn't supposed to leak out that day, and we probably would have seen a different unfolding of events had things gone differently. The latergram wedding video at least showed there was more than what we had originally seen, but I also find it strange that the photos from that day have been the same.

4. Despite this increase in effort and the "wedding", the fact still remains: there's no chemistry. I'm sorry, but there isn't. That's not a reach. It's not wishful thinking. I'm not being rude. They just don't have chemistry. Those kissing photos ? It looks awkward and uncomfortable. That tells me something is up. I know it's mostly photos, but I still don't see genuine connection. It's just not there. This is the biggest factor to why I personally don't think they're real, whatsoever. There's one photo of them in particular where it's just so glaringly obvious they have no feelings toward each other and just can't possibly be each other's type. But maybe that's presumptuous of me. I hate stereotyping and making judgments, so I won't say it, but I'm sure you can pick up what I'm laying down.

I know that doesn't answer your question, because you want to know why I still think they are fake, despite Karlie's sudden acting chops and they're commitment to the stunt.

But I have a few other things to add.

For one thing, Karlie's public persona shifted around the time of the engagement. She used to be very friendly with other models, she had lots of friends in Taylor's crowd, she posted more genuine moments of having fun, etc, and more recently, a lot of that side of her has gone dark. When she posts something about friends, it's usually another client of Scooter's, or someone with whom she has a business relationship. I believe this is because her friends didn't want to partake in the farce, and don't want to be associated with that nastiness. It's a natural progression for a model to stop walking in shows when their career amps up, but it seems like her entire approach to her career and business has shifted around the same time. I think she's focusing on being more of an influencial figure in the media, rather than a model per se. I do think these things are connected. I think she finds a level of comfort and connection to the industry by being associated with that crew.

On that note, is it possible that they're like a fake fake couple, as in legitimately pretending to everyone that they're together even though everyone knows they aren't, and they sleep in separate bedrooms and it's all just convenience and there's no sex but there's an open door policy for both parties to just do what they want in their own free time and probably have side relationships? Sure. But if that's the case, then I would think Karlie wouldn't be in her own long term relationship with Taylor.

I do think it's possible that they are actually friends. In fact, I think this is very likely, as she doesn't look like she wants to die when she's pictured with him. She seems comfortable enough traveling with him and doing these stunts, so something in her has shifted to give her the ability to switch codes so well. Of course we don't want to think that, but I think she's probably just bit the bullet and decided to make it easier on herself.

So where does that leave us ? Obviously there's a lot about this situation that we know nothing about. The guy is a crook, we can all agree on that. Sadly, in Hollywood/wealthy land, being a shady fuck doesn't have quite the same reaction that it does in the real world. Money talks, connections talk, and so does that yacht money. Why is Karlie a willing player in this game ? Has she realized that the Trump association clearly doesn't cause as many issues as we may have assumed back in 2016? Has she chosen to continue this sherade because it's done wonders for their goal of erasing Kaylor connections? Has she chosen the path of least resistance because it's been a long few years and she's too tired to fight anymore? Has she decided she doesn't have the ability to reach the desired heights of her career with just her own hard work and merit ? Is she actually just not a good person and totally fine with rolling around in corrupt money and laughing straight to the bank ? *This one hurts*, but has she lost a big part of her life and has thus decided she no longer has anything to lose, so why the fuck not ? I don't know. All these things run through my mind, and I wish we had some form of an answer, but sadly don't think we will anytime soon.

I really don't know, anon. I read through my answers here and realize I'm not actually so convinced myself, anymore. Of the four things I said yesterday I was so sure of, this one is the one I'm least sure of, though I would think if they were "real" it would be more of the platonic scenario I described above, and not an actual loving relationship. Karlie is a loose cannon. We don't have brilliant lyrics to analyze and look to for answers. We don't have a history of patterns to look at, to try and find holes in the narrative. It's just a different game here.

Now, if the entire plan all along has been to erase the Kaylor connection, to even make us Kaylors doubt, then they've done a brilliant job of that. Because it's glaringly obvious that she's losing our support and faith.

I'm sorry that I can't give you more than that.

#ask #kaylor #jerklie #the ultimate question mark

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marlahey · 4 years

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to the anon from last night re: maxence

the ask broke the read more again and my reply was massive so I’ve copied and pasted all your messages and my response below.

side note does anyone know why the html for small text doesn’t work anymore??

[Not been on SM all week as seeing reposts of PoC murders is too triggering for me (I’m a 21 year old French black guy). Reading the stuff people wrote about maxence, all I have to say is that you and others were too focused on telling people off who were calling for action rather than fighting for black lives. People shouldn’t have sent them abuse, no. That was wrong, and most people have been acknowledging that. (Part 1)

[But axel at least uploaded a permanent show of support, whereas Maxence’s support has disappeared to his massive influence. It’s not a pedestal, it’s basic human decency in a time of crisis. Yes he posted petitions but they disappeared. Black lives don’t stop mattering after a 24 hour story. Please don’t police when black people ask for more from white allies in positions of power.

My Instagram posts get 100 likes, his gets thousands, and a permanent show would mean a lot, especially as France has such a racist history and present. Consider why people are asking for more before berating them for it, please. Not all who want to see lasting action are being rude, and while it’s great that he shared petitions, they only existed in his world for 24 hours, but the fight for racial equality lasts much longer. Consider that reality before dismissing critics of “putting celebrities on a pedestal.” It is not unjust for us to ask for action from people who in interviews frequently talk about their support for causes but don’t use the tools that best equip them to help. It’s great maxence went to the protest, I’m not saying he’s done nothing, but his most powerful tool is not his presence but his social media outreach and the thousands he could guide with a permanent link. Racism isn’t temporary. Please really consider this, and you’re own privileges, before dismissing people asking for help as being immature. Don’t lump everyone into the same boat. Don’t tar those with reasonable intentions with the same brush as those shouting abuse. Try and evaluate why your reaction was so blocked off to their plight. It is not unreasonable to ask those with power to help where they can, whether it’s money or SM reach or whatever you are equipped with. We have the right to ask for more.]

Hi anon. I appreciate that you’ve been away for your own health and safety, so I wish I knew specifically to which ask/post of mine you’re responding to. because I got several asks this week that devolved into lengthy responses; I’m hoping it wasn’t just the shortest post because I’d effectively run out of internet steam at that point and it does seem really dismissive outside the context of the rest of my blog/me as an actual person. that’s not my intention at all and I apologize if it comes across that way. I mentioned these things in another asks, but I’m not even sure how to respond to you now without trying to justify or validate my own actions to support the blm movement as an east-asian woman, my personal experiences with racism in canada and abroad – even literally in france as I lived there for a short period of time when I was 21 – or sounding like a jerk when talking about my first career as a teacher and my graduate education in media studies and communication. they frame a lot of my current thinking about the internet and celebrity culture, which I feel really strongly about even outside of this pivotal moment in global socio-political activism and black lives matter. but neither are the point here. to start, I completely agree with the everlasting nature of racism and the power of social media in general (stories vs post with a fucked up algorithm on insta is a whole other discussion, but I see your point in concept). I’m very aware of its impact and I would never purposefully suggest that you had no right to ask for support and allyship from those in positions of power – especially those who are white. I’m sorry again any post(s) of mine implied that. nor do I willfully accuse everyone who was calling for maxence’s more permanent support as being abusive or immature – I’m very able to separate the two and I obviously only condemn the assholes. asks that I personally received justified that behaviour with a ‘right motive, wrong message’ argument and a lot of condescension towards him, which is what I found more problematic than anything else they said. my personal expectations for any celebrity in the area of social justice (or general world awareness, frankly) are absurdly low. but that’s due to the lens of my own experience and education. that’s not to diminish or ignore their very real influence. I’m not sure how to phrase it without coming across like a complete weirdo, hipster, or porch sitting and fist shaking millennial, so I’m not going to try. I would also be an asshole to suggest that you’re objectively wrong in any way, because you aren’t. I have done this same labour for people in my own life, as someone who lives at the intersection of almost every minority qualifier – from woman all the way over to disabled person. but I’m still not a black person. I have a strange semi-privilege as the “model minority” (ugh) in a country where the most predominant and systemic racism is against an entirely different group of people. I feel like anything else I say about maxence specifically is going to sound like defending him no matter what, so I guess I can only talk about myself. social media and celebrities don’t carry real weight in my life. they don’t change the way I view anything besides the actual mechanisms of the internet, mass communication, and an ever-descending opinion of popular culture at large. but that’s a generally weird stance as a 28 year old so I try not to overly broadcast it. but it doesn’t mean these things don’t impact others. I enjoy what and whom I enjoy with a measured amount of critical thinking. I’ve had this blog since I was about your age, maybe a little longer, and this is the first time several people have genuinely come at me for innocuous tags or an offhand reply to a friend’s post despite a reasonably medium number of followers. it was a little overwhelming. that seems dumb to say but it was a hard week for a lot of other reasons, including the obvious, and everything felt a lot more intense than normal. I don’t send anonymous asks ever, but there’s no other option than to publicly respond when you receive them, which means we have to have these discussions in a very visible way. that’s either great or not, depending on the ask. I’d much rather engage personally, but so is the internet. I would hope that no one who’s been following me since I was 21 would think as poorly of me as you may, or other anons have. but you don’t know me personally at all and that’s okay. it would be strange to say I don’t want asks at all because that’s the fun of community and interaction, but I guess I can only speak to my own thoughts on my own blog and they will be interpreted a million different ways that are out of my control. I accept that. I apologize for my part in detracting from a larger and way more important time in everyone’s life – especially yours. again, never my intention. I hope that you are safe despite everything that’s going on. if you ever need support, I’m happy to offer some. thank you for the conversation.

#skam france #maxence danet fauvel #anonymous #okay I guess that's all I can physically say about this

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

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Below are screenshots of a long PM exchange between myself and an individual the name of RDMacQ.

It continues on from a very long series of exchanges beginning here and continuing here.

It starts off with interactions on a message board before spewing over into PM discussions.

Also below is well...what I would’ve responded to some of RDMacQ’s comments but chose not to so as to hopefully not drag the interaction out yet longer.

I post these so there partially out of catharsis but also so that there is a clear record of what happened and you need not merely trust my word on the discussion, his word, and indeed can cite it if I do make erroneous claims in reference to it. We can then look at it and discuss.

“And this once again highlights your problem- you don't listen, you don't acknowledge what people say, you construct a narrative in your head about them and insist that they follow the imaginary and arbitrary rules you come up with, and you think are are one set of rules for you and one set of rules for everyone else.”

That’s rich coming from you. I apologized multiple times, you didn’t acknowledge this and instead either deliberately or because you are just that stupid decided to take it that I didn’t apologize and instead said it was actually your fault.

And you demanded I not interact with you in your last PM so who’s making up the rules in their head again?

I misinterpreted but you make it out that I’m schizophrenic.

“I told you to stop responding to me via personal email messages, because you weren't listening to me and responding to me with essay after essay trying to tell me how I'M really the bad guy in all of this and you're totally not to blame. You clearly weren't interested in acknowledging any fault beyond the stuff the mods got on your case for, so I told you to stop responding to me.”

a) I also told you afterwards to stop interacting with me and you didn’t

b) I wasn’t going to stop interacting with you after you told me to stop because you’d lied and slandered. Why on Earth should I allow you to lie and insult me?

c) It’s rather rich arguing I responded to you with essay after essay when on multiple occasions you yourself responded with essay length posts. Including this one I am responding to now.

d) You talk about narratives in MY head. YOU are the one claiming I was saying you were the bad guy. I wasn’t. I never ever said that. That’s all inside your own head.

e) I also never said I wasn’t to blame, hence I apologized waaaaaaaaaay back in a PM literally entitled apology

f) Putting aside how I owned up to a mistake in the first PM of this exchange, the stuff I was at fault for was the things the mods got on my case for. Which I owned up to. All the other stuff YOU claim I am at fault for is only YOUR assessment. And we’ve established you aren’t that great at seeing the plain and the obvious. Hence you utterly misread that I was apologizing and wasn’t saying I was faultless and you were to blame for everything. I stated I was at fault and out of line in a big way then outlined where my anger regarding you comes from and elaborated that essentially there had been fault on both our sides, not fault only on yours

“YOU were the one who said I'd never hear from you again. ”

And I kept to that.

You however responded to a comment I didn’t address to you or indeed anyone specifically, which was an innocent question.

Then I responded to you by accident as I’d misread something you wrote as something Lockdown wrote, which I explained and apologized for.

That was a mistake but by that point you’d already interacted with me, you’d already broke what I’d taken to be an agreement of non-interaction.

My consequent interactions with you were to address this as I’d thought we had an agreement but 2 days in a row you’d talked directly to me.

“And- again- given your track record and how I have absolutely zero trust in you anymore, I'd no reason to believe that you'd stick by that word.”

You know...except for the fact I did.

“So when you made that post bitching about the multiple threads, it seemed like there was a very good chance that was a veiled shot at me, given how you've operated in the past, digging up old posts or just deciding you're going to be pissed off at something for no good reason. ”

I wasn’t bitching, it was an innocent question. I didn’t swear (which you accuse me of and just did btw). I wasn’t insulting anyone. I was just asking a question.

My God you talk about a narrative in my head but you are the one seeing an innocent question not directed at you or anyone else as a ‘veiled shot’ at you.

Also I already explained my ‘past operations’ were due to extreme extenuating circumstances. You are talking like I’ve been doing this for years on end when I haven’t. You are again demonizing and slandering me.

“And since I was the one who started these threads and keep them going, that it was probably going to lead to another instance of you sending me a private message telling me what an asshole I am or how wrong I am because I have a different point of view than you do, or have somehow done something to "Offend" you, and you decided that somehow THIS time it would have been "Different" and therefore "Justified" to do this in your mind. ”

This is some conspiracy level stuff. I asked a question. You take this as a veiled shot that going to lead to me attacking you in PMS.

I never even called you an asshole in any PMs to my recollection and if I did I apologize for that but I honestly don’t remember ever saying anything like that. Saying you were wrong sure, but never personally insulting you the way calling you an asshole would constitute.

I don’t even know what you are talking about with ‘different’ and ‘justified’. You just sound crazy.

“So, yeah, I responded. Because I was trying to get out ahead of it and prevent you from going on a tirade which would then lead to another round of harassment from you. ”

You are acting like every single time ever I’ve disagreed with you or stood my ground in opposition to your view I’ve harassed you.

I crossed the line in a big way by digging up one thread and sending you like 3 PMs across a year attacking your points. That was wrong I’ll admit, but you are acting like EVERy instance ever has resulted in something like that and it hasn’t.

It’s especially nuts in this instance because I just asked a question.

“And if you don't think that's fair, and if I'm being too harsh on you, keep in mind the reason I decided to be done with you is because you decided to dig up posts from months if not years back and started sending me private messages telling me what an idiot I am, as well as try to insult me in public on the forum, because you claim you had some issues in your personal life and you decided I was going to be the target of your ire. ”

You are indeed being way too harsh (and utterly unsympathetic); friendly reminder by the way I expressed sympathy for your own issues in our last long PM exchange. You are also being...crazy. I asked. A. Question. That was it. I didn’t criticise. I just asked why we do it one way instead of another. I didn’t respond to your answer. It made sense, it addressed my enquiry. That was it.

Also none of the things I dug up were from years in the past.

The only times I ever ‘insulted’ you on the forums were by calling you belligerent; no mod has ever called me on this so you know....either they agree or it’s not an insult in their eyes.

Not only is this entirely true (remember I’ve explained I wasn’t saying i was guiltless you were actually at fault, you just keep insisting that to be the case), but you yourself have insulted, accused and judged me publicly on the forums. I’ve not been the only person you’ve done that to either.

Yeah I decided you were the target but I explained and apologized for that in my very first PM in this saga of ours.

“Which was the absolute last straw in an LONG line of instances of you acting like an asshole to me, which you continued to refuse to even consider. ”

I don’t refuse to consider it, hence I apologized at the very start which you ignorantly keep ignoring. Notice I’ve not called you an asshole once whilst you’ve done it multiple times across all these PMs.

“So, yes, I responded to you. Because- and this needs to be pointed out again- people aren't obliged to live by the imaginary, arbitrary rules you set up in your head and insist that they all stick to, while you get to do whatever you want.”

Uh huh, by the way totally unrelated question, do you own a mirror? Cos I seem to recall among your own imaginary rules you stated i was in the wrong for admitting i was wrong about something because it took too long for me to do so. Didn’t know there was a time limit.

“I never said I was never going to respond to you ever again. YOU made that claim. Not me. ”

Yes but I took the whole wrap up to that as we were both agreeing to not interact with one another.

I kept to that. You broke it. then i broke it by mistake and broke it again out of reflex and anger, which i owned up to.

But right here right now YOU are acting not just as moral arbiter but as ultimate rule setter.

I can’t interact with you but you can interact with me.

I might’ve misinterpreted but my interpretation at least included a mutual understanding. You are just dictating i can’t talk to you but you can talk to me.

Unfortunately I lost the screen shot of my next PM. But it essentially read that I didn’t read his above comment (which is true at first I didn’t my above response is merely something I wrote a while after the fact for catharis) and that I’m spelling out clearly if he’ll agree to just not interacting in the future.

A reminder. This is the guy who takes major umbridge with me swearing. Here he is swearing and insulting me.

I didn’t say this to him but i have to ask why exactly he gets to dictate the terms of what meeting him half way means when what it seems to mean is I admit I’m wrong, that he’s right and change my allegedly bad ways the way he wants me to.

Doesn’t seem half way since he’s not owned up to doing anything wrong himself.

“And that's the problem.

Because you seem to expect me to do whatever you request, and if I don't I'm being unreasonable.”

Never said this. Never implied this. What’s unreasonable is either not reading my responses to you or then taking umbridge when I do the same in turn. Or you know taking an innocent question as bitching and a veiled shot.

“But you absolutely refuse to listen or do anything anyone else requests.”

When it’s unreasonable and based upon slander and character assassination, sure.

“*I* have to read the massive two page essay you wrote telling me how wrong I am.”

Except you didn’t and if you had bothered to you’d see how I was conceding some points, apologizing over other things. But seeing how the root of your gripe rested upon you thinking I was saying you were at fault in the first place when I didn’t I was saying there was fault on both sides....yeah I think wrong covers it.

“But *you* get to just completely ignore what I wrote because you don't want to read it.”

a) You did the same thing

b) You chose not to read stuff multiple times I did it once because it was distracting from the point and because you were continuing to insult, slander and character assassinate me

“You saying "I don't know what you want" means nothing, because you wouldn't listen to me even if I told you.”

If it was unreasonable then sure.

Wholly conforming to what YOU dictate is not reasonable in the slightest

“Your attempts to "Smooth things over" is insincere. You're not trying to do it to make things better. You're just doing it to get out of trouble.”

I’m not IN any trouble in the first place. I rightly got a warning from the mods. End of story. I chose to try and smooth things over off my own volition.

“So, fine. Go back to the way you were before.”

I’ve been more polite and reasonable with you ever since this whole saga began. Much moreso than you have.

“Getting angry at every single thing.”

Not true but that’s typical of you.

“Insulting me whenever I expressed an opinion you disagree with.”

Our last half dozen interactions have involved me disagreeing with you but not insulting you. So again lying.

“Send me private messages harassing me, and dig up months old conversations because you're pissed off at something else.”

Apologized for that. Did it just 3 times across a year. Owned up to that. haven’t done it since.

And by the way ‘harassment’ in this context amounts to “Here is a quote you made. I’m going to deconstruct it and counterpoint it”

I didn’t send you threats, or insults or bombard you day and night.

“I'm sure that will go super well for you second time around.”

Well I haven’t done that soooooo you are chatting shit.

There.

Now I’ve sworn like you always claim I do.

I responded to both of the above PMs but just said ‘goodbye’ basically.

What I would’ve liked to have said is:

You are not a mind reader RD. I was indeed interested in meeting you half way. You burnt that bridge yourself.

I didn’t want you to abide by anything, I wanted us to talk and come to an understanding, some boundaries with one another we could respect.

You weren’t interested and claiming I demanded you abide by everything is hypocritical seeing as you won’t even agree to mutually break off all contact and yourself demand I conform to your prescribed change in behaviour, which involves owning up to negative traits according to YOU.

You are not a moral arbiter an if you were you wouldn’t be a very good one.

Furthermore you have a humungeous problem seeing the woods for the trees.

You’ve dredged up the idea of meeting half way when I in the above comment made it clear I’m no longer interesting in that. It’s not a topic worth even talking about as it is irrelevent to moving forward.

In fact you’ve ignored so much of what I’ve said, or contorted it or just misread it deliberately I’m wondering if you have some kind of mental disorder.

“ That's you pretending to be reasonable so you could jump on your moral high horse the second I didn't abide by your arbitrary and ever shifting rules. “

That’s a lovely massive extrapolation you’ve got there.

“ You're worse than Dan Slott.”

I’m really not.

I’m not a big shot writer who’s abused my power to hurt a fan.

Second of all if all this allged behaviour of mine (according to you) renders me worse than Slott then you are in the same plague pit with me jerkoff.

“ The fact that you don't see the irony in you expecting people to read and comply with your giant essay long responses, while you won't bother to read a few sentences, speaks volumes, and says everything I need to know about you. Like I said- you're worse than Slott.”

You’re an idiot.

I mean you are severely fucking dumb.

YOU chose multiple times to ignore long posts I wrote.

I do this ONCE because you’ve missed the point and are going off on a tangent attacking my character which isn’t the point (the point was finding an agreement for interactions going forward) and I’m a filthy hypocrite.

Go look in the cracked mirror sunshine.

I mean it wasn’t a few sentences it was 5 loaded paragraphs insulting my character and had little-nothing to do with the meat of the discussion.

And yet even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to claim you are worse than Dan Slott.

Though like him you do disgust me.

#RDMacQ #Catharsis

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pinktatertots99 · 5 years

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that’s it

first of all

I DON’T WANT RANDOM ANONS GOING INTO MY INBOX TO SLANDER SOMEONE YOU HAVE A PERSONAL VENDETTA OVER. IT. IS. ANNOYING. and does not help me mentally or emotionally cause i’m going through stuff rn and i DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

if ya wanna talk bout someone ATLEAST DO IT PUBLICLY SO I CAN MESSAGE OR REPLY TO YA PRIVATELY. if you have CONCERNS for someone or are SCARED of/for someone then i’m all ears i’m the same. but QUIT GOING ON ANON TO DO THIS I’M NOT GOING TO ANSWER. (atleast not in ask format).

do they have controversial opinions some don’t agree with? maybe. does their personality a bit of one that not everyone can agree to? maybe. but I WILL NOT CONDONE PEOPLE GOING INTO MY INBOX TO SLANDER SOMEONE. it’s tiring and ANNOYING and i’m just not in the best health to go through this.

also I DON’T CONDONE BEING SPECIFIC OF A SPECIFIC PERSON AND MISGENDERING THEM. idc what you think BE RESPECTFUL. i had to cover the name cause i didn’t want people going to slander them.

also I DON’T CARE THAT THEY CHANGE THEIR NAME. i’ve putted this all behind me and good lord i’d just like for everyone else to put this behind them too and move on. it’s TIRING and i just don’t have the energy for this.

also QUIT BEING JERKS THEN IF THEIR GETTING BACKLASH. i may have different feelings for them now but this does NOT mean i go outta my way to spam their inbox with what i can assume to be everyone either being jerks or not specifying their opinions. if ya DON’T like em just LEAVE PLEASE. if it’s LEGIT constructive criticism then MAYBE i can see this as shady but otherwise I’M TIRED of all this and i hope people will move on from this. we’re all in our own little worlds lets just live em to the fullest.

also I DON’T WANT PEOPLE INTERACTING WITH THIS POST FOR FIGHTS OR ANYTHING. i just made this so i didn’t have to publish the actual anon’s ask and because i wanted to tell what was my side/feeling on all of this. i haven’t checked up on said person for a while and i’m not going to anymore. doesn’t mean i’m gonna go behind their back to be an asshole. that’d be hypocritical. and mean. and i’m done i’m moving on back to blogging and chatting with my friends. and i hope this is the last i have to deal with this drama. i just wanna move on and try to be happy. good day.

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years

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Skam Austin episode 2 reaction

I’m already sad that we probably won’t get a scene of them dancing horribly

Clip 1 - Smoothie talk

I just want to point out that while Meg is checking out Grace online, there’s a drawing on her wall behind her that says MAKE OUT. This is clearly foreshadowing. I proclaim it from the mountaintop.

This is a nice discussion of random crap when you have more important things to talk about. But also an illustration of how they’re not on the same page at all. Now he's mocking something else she likes (meglovessmoothies), kicking her when she's down.

Lol, I’m being hard on this kid. Him dissing smoothies is hardly the least of his crimes. But you exclude her so much, dude! She has no one to do the stuff she likes with her and he left her to do talent night alone.

What I took away from this scene is a craving for a smoothie.

Clip 2 - Call me

It’s a pretty big cultural jump from Noora naming herself after a Twin Peaks character to Grace naming herself after a Dumb and Dumber character.

I think this was a good way to incorporate social media into the clip itself. It’s one of those interactions with a weirdly specific social connotation. The comment being deleted is more suspicious than if it had remained up.

I've seen people speculate why Abby would bother posting on his IG publicly. Maybe because she wanted Meg to see it? Or she really couldn’t get in touch with him any other way.

Clip 3 - Sad girl

It definitely sounds like Tyler said “Abby.” He says “Oh shit” afterwards as if her realized his mistake. Plus he decided to go to the vending machine and Marlon went along, maybe so they could talk about what just happened.

Usually Skam doesn't all-out twist what's happening, what we hear and see if what’s really occurring. Like with Isak hearing Even’s voice while buying his depressing cheese toastie, he's legit hearing a guy who sounds like Even, he didn’t imagine it.

Shay is a bad but adorable liar.

And she seems flirty as hell and I hope I’m not just projecting.

I like how direct and kind Grace is. No Megan messing up with H and inappropriate slut jokes. Some of the characters are on the rude side (us Americans, am I right) and Grace was just sweet, and Megan got her message right when she needed a pick-me-up. Also, no sweating for days over whether Grace will follow her back!

Clip 4 - Chemistry

He's reading The Great Gatsby while Meg reads The Scarlet Letter. Any significance, since they’re going hard with The Scarlet Letter?

“We have chemistry together, you know that.” Yes, we do know that, Marlon. That’s why Meg is worried.

Marlon is such a liar, he can't keep his story straight.

“If you were in my chemistry class I would be texting you non-stop” lol I know he didn’t mean it this way but that has some connotations in light of your current situation, bro.

Clip 5 - Girl Squad together

This is a low standard but I do love how realistic and down go earth all their clothes are.

Kelsey’s red upper lip legit made me laugh. At first I thought she'd been drinking fruit punch.

Jo and Kelsey are ride or die BFFs, I love it.

Kelsey looking scandalized when Grace doesn't know what a Kitten is then her “bless your heart, no wonder you’re so lost!” when she learns Grace is new, tells you all you need to know about her priorities. Also I’ve never heard one of those Southern “bless your heart”s in the wild before, I feel like I’ve spotted a rhino.

Meg: “Who am I?” THEME.

Regarding the formation of a dance team, I have some questions/concerns as to how they would handle that. If it were just a recreational team that’s one thing, but if they can get out of P.E., as Jo says, then it’ll have to be school-recognized, and I’m sure that comes with a lot of rules that you wouldn’t have if you just want to dance for fun. My school required only one year of P.E. for students (thank Goddddd) but you didn’t get out of it even if you were on one of the school sports teams, so I don’t know quite how it works. I had some friends from other schools who joined their schools’ athletic teams as a replacement for P.E., but these were all well-established teams. If Kelsey’s team gets recognized by the school, do they have to agree to a particular schedule? Dance competitions? Performances at school functions and games? So many questions.

Grace, a dance team is a hell of a lot to commit to just to show up an Islamophobe. I mean props to the sentiment but you’re probably going to have to like ... dance, and work out, and get up early and stay after school and stuff.

I also don’t think a dance team is something she can sit out as much as Noora could be whatever about the bus, especially if there’s a 5-person minimum for the team. Grace has to be all in or she’s out.

Is Zoya going to turn out to be an amazing dancer? Did she audition for the Kittens, or did she not bother because she figured she wouldn’t make it? I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a dress code that prevented her from wearing her hijab in performance.

Clip 6 - Losers club

All right, so I kinda loved this clip and kinda hated it.

But boy did I feel bad for Kelsey in this one, in a way that I’ve never felt for any of the Vildes! Because Kelsey was doing more or less what I, a nerd, would be doing if I attempted to form a dance team. Jumping the gun a LOT with reserving yearbook space, but meeting with the principal, planning to raise money, and researching dance routines, all of that is what you should be thinking about. You know … putting together a team.

Kelsey: “I already have the agenda already...:” IDK if it’s scripted or improvised but I’m oddly into them capturing that kind of redundant language that I hear from a lot of teenagers. And well, adults.

Kelsey not even answering Grace’s question about the need for an alternative dance team. She just has an endgame and she’s going to stick to it, gosh darn it.

“Share some of that Kitten secret sauce with us” I’m not going to make a NSFW joke. I’m not.

Actually, what a blast would Jo/Shay be.

I guess what I wonder is why Zoya wants in on a nobody dance team unless she really loves to dance. Like are they ever going to show them dancing? Practicing?

Yeah, going off the earlier point, I feel really bad for Kelsey because she seems like she seriously wants to be on the dance team - maybe just for popularity/social reasons, because she seems to have a very high opinion of the Kittens. But if she’s tried out five times, she’s been practicing for weeks beforehand, and she’s throwing herself into creating a dance group of her own, that also sounds like someone who wants to dance because she enjoys it and not just to boost her social standing.

And with that in mind, although I enjoyed a lot of Zoya’s dialogue, the fact that she stepped in with her suggestion to hook up with guys made me sad for Kelsey in a way that I haven’t felt for Vilde in any other version of this scene. Because russ/parties do have a social element involved that’s at least relevant to getting guys to like you. Druck has an established school party that the girls get assigned to and they just start going out as a crew. Skam Italia did away with the organized squad altogether and just had the girls start hanging out, somewhat formed around getting Silvia a date. But if I really wanted to form a dance team, I didn’t plan on having to hook up with dudes. That’s not a purely social organization, that’s an athletic/artistic/competitive one.

“My plan is to work really hard on our routines” Kelsey :(

Lol somehow I think working hard on their routines will go over better with the principal compared to hooking up with football players.

Zoya says that “you guys” will have to get with the dudes because she won’t, but she includes Kelsey in this, soooo I guess Kelsey is not supposed to be that conservative of a Christian? Or will that not come up?

Jo immediately planning blackmail as a way to get the Kittens to join them - lol, this is the kind of character I enjoy, I love her.

Zoya: “If you didn’t want to be seen as a sexual object, you’d shave your head, stop wearing makeup and start wearing looser clothes.” Grace: “I wear these things for me, not for guys.” Zoya: “Well then I find it very convenient that the things you wear for you are the exact same things that a heterosexual man in America finds attractive.”

OK, that was a completely new bit of dialogue and that was something that got my attention. Because that’s good. Zoya and Grace, as the two most likely feminists of the group, having opposing takes on beauty culture. I saw people objecting to Zoya’s perspective but she’s neither 100% right or 100% wrong. Women have personal choice and preferences to style themselves how they want, including dressing with themselves in mind rather than men, but you can’t divorce that from the larger societal ideals of how women are supposed to look. I make the choice to shave my legs and no one is forcing me to do it, but I also didn’t wake up one day and form this completely independent idea that no one had done before; I had a societal norm to give me the idea. And a lot of beauty standards on women are enforced by patriarchy. It’s a really difficult conversation to have because you’re dealing with the individual (Grace saying she wears these things for herself) versus the collective (Zoya saying it’s not an accident what she chooses for herself also happens to be societally acceptable). Everyone at that table is making their own choices, but within a larger system that sets precedents and ideals. But there are also a lot of assumptions that Zoya is making, such as whether Grace is interested in heterosexual men; Grace could be a lesbian for all she knows. Not to mention that Grace is wearing an average sweater and not much makeup, so it is a leap to think she wants to be seen as a sexual object. All of the girls seem very casually dressed, in fact, and Zoya is wearing as much eyeshadow as any of them, so what’s the difference? Can Zoya say she’s wearing eyeshadow for herself, but the others can’t? To me it’s less whether Zoya is completely right and more about the fact that the ideas were introduced at all.

That’s my rambling way of saying I liked that exchange.

Julie repeating the same camera angle with Sana/Zoya’s back surrounded by her court … sighhhhhhh come on.

General comments:

I guess what’s really frustrating is that there is so much rich material here in the setup that they could spin into new scenes and stories, but I’m not sure if they’re going to do it. Like … we should get them actually trying to dance! I want to see shitty dance montages! I want to see Grace being over it and Jo goofing around and Kelsey trying her best and Zoya defying everyone’s expectations and Meg becoming a crucial part of the team with her experience, finding some purpose and joy again! Let’s talk about clashes between Kelsey and Zoya over the uniforms, let’s talk about the first time they try to perform publicly and it’s a mess (actually let’s not, I would expire from secondhand embarrassment.) Give me all of that dance team drama, played realistically.

But also stuff like Kelsey’s religion and how that plays into the plot (like how DOES she feel about being asked to hook up with guys), how her being a Christian and Zoya being a Muslim should yield both some common ground and some huge differences.

I’m sort of getting the same feeling I had in S4 of Skam where there was so much incredibly rich material to develop, but instead they went with stuff that was much less interesting.

The profanity filter on the FB videos is SO DUMB. There is a mature content warning at the start of every clip. Why do they have to bleep out the swear words?

I get the sense that a lot of the new viewers on Facebook don’t know what to do about the texts and IGs.

Marlon’s text about going to see Avengers makes it sound like the movie just came out, which is probably because the movie was supposed to be released that day (May 4) and was pushed up to April 27. Which I get but part of me’s kinda like, you could have revised that to sound a little more fitting to the date. I feel like Marlon would probably not going to wait a week to see Infinity War.

Also Marlon has overtaken Giovanni from Skam Italia as my least favorite Jonas. He’s not the devil or anything but I definitely don’t want him and Meg together.

Jo and Shay continue to be my faves. They really should have scenes together at some point. Share one of those long candies, Lady and the Tramp-style.

#skamus reactions #skam austin reactions

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dasaene-archive · 6 years

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Sx-blinds Mistyping as So-blinds

I never made a proper post about this, but I’m seeing an ever-increasing number of people that from my observations mistype themselves as so-blind (usually as sp/sx, since secondary so is harder to type) or as so/sx but are actually sx-blinds that don’t understand the soc instinct or are in complete denial that they don’t understand sx either. This seems to be a popular topic as of late and I think it would now be an appropriate time to post this. As an sx-blind myself I hope to offer a different perspective on sx-blind motivations and faults. There are many questions about soc/sx-blindness that I wanted to answer in this post (like what passion means to sx-blinds, what do you think is soc’s best quality, how can I tell if I’m sx-blind or just have a 9 core/strong fix), but for some sort of consistency in this tertiary Ti infodump I will elaborate on those in a different post.

I think it should go without saying that if you’re serious about learning about typology you shouldn’t get all your information from Tumblr, but a lot of people still rely on it for the majority of their information. Tumblr is an excellent resource if you know the right people and figure out how a proper way to interpret information, but it’s not great for confused sx-blinds. I don’t claim to have a perfect understanding of instinctual variants, but most experienced and reliable members of the Tumblr typology community are so-blind, and although they do a good job, they can’t help being biased from their negative experiences with badly developed sx-blinds or sx-blinds that made no effort to understand so-blindness. I mean I’m pretty sure the reason why a lot of so-blinds become so-blind is due to the influence of unhealthy, overbearing sx-blinds in formative years.

However, so-blinds are not the only people to blame for the confusion, rather sx-blinds themselves. A main criticism I have of sx-blinds is that not enough are sure of their typing/willing to rock the so-called community boat and come forward to try to explain soc with all its good and bad. It’s pointless not to at least try to speak up about your thoughts, since so-blinds are not superior nor do they care about “community values” and are more than happy to refine their own and by extension your ideas. Until I asked questions and tried to understand an so-blind point of view, I didn’t get sx very much at all, and I probably still don’t, but I’m far less clueless than before. That’s the purpose of discussion lol, there shouldn’t be any shame in trying to get a grasp on your lack of sx or try to help other people form a more conclusive idea about soc

The words of those in “higher standing” in a community (something I will elaborate on further in) can bother sx-blinds, and many will be afraid of being sx-blind because they are afraid of/don’t relate to/don’t get what the materials they read are really trying to say about all the bad qualities of lacking sx. Being affiliated with the image of soulless, bossy, desperate people incapable of fulfilling relationships isn’t appealing to them. People with soc generally want to be “nice,” they want to be “good,” they want to be likeable and cool and accommodating. If they read a lot of things that say differently from what they perceive themselves to be like or try to be like, they will mistype.

I’m not saying that sx-blinds are insecure or incapable of critical thinking, but when they first start out learning about anything, having many people to rely on as good sources and available to provide feedback is important to them because their relationships always act as a network of information (”networking” put under sx-blind descriptions isn’t wrong, even if that behavior is commonly misunderstood). Being able to rely on the numerous connections they create is what has benefitted them in society, although not necessarily benefitted them in understanding themselves. So when their sources conflict with their self-perception, it usually causes misunderstanding instead of something more productive.

Because sx-blinds are unfortunately pretty susceptible to the words of others, so-blinds are usually put into a “higher standing” in an sx-blind mind because they are more confident in their words and actions as a result of being able to ignore other people in a way sx-blinds can’t. Which is why so-blind sx-blind interactions usually go one of three ways: sx-blinds being frustrated by so-blind criticism since they feel incapable of arguing points that they know will fall on deaf ears, sx-blinds approaching so-blinds for friendship or attention in ways and for reasons that would never appeal to the latter party, or sx-blinds becoming literal sheeple.

Many well-known so-blind users have recently made posts about how the grouping or ranking of people is nonsensical to them, because this grouping is the main way sx-blinds view multiple people who share opinions, style, or way of communication. This grouping is also the reason why so-blinds feel like sx-blinds treat everyone the same way. Although sx-blinds do group people, it creates a helpful organization or hierarchy that helps them understand why certain people are friends with others, why certain trends in their communities are happening, and why some people are more “powerful” (higher-ranking) than others. This doesn’t mean they have to make the structure rigid, although many unfortunately do and that’s what causes the cruel, awkward, or just plain weird interactions so-blinds have faced with sx-blinds.

When healthy, sx-blinds understand that just because they have grouped a person with another superficially similar person doesn’t mean they can’t adjust to them as an individual or remove them from a group entirely once they have more information. There are some complications that come with grouping people in the first place, and I have made other posts explaining how sx-blinds figure out who’s safe for them, but group structure is what makes sense to sx-blinds, who see people in communities. It’s not an inherently negative or positive thing, although sx-blinds sometimes have trouble figuring out where the lines are when they think of themselves as a part of a specific group with a specific role. If they manage to get the group organization and their self-perception right, they are excellent at teamwork, realistically dismantling social structures that they have seen to be more harmful than beneficial, and understand the limits of their sx blindspot and which weaknesses can be worked on. If they get it wrong, well, there’s enough stories of sx-blind mishaps out there for you to probably figure that out. Enough unhealthy sx-blinds are out there to make people pretty confused about their variants, because one sx-blind can be totally chill if a little plain while another is going to be super annoying to deal with.

Mistyped sx-blinds think because they have basic requirements for so-blindness (hobbies, close friends, etc. etc.) that they could never be sx-blind. They don’t understand what sx is just from its descriptions, but because soc descriptions make less sense to them, they stick with being so-blind and begin to idealize it until they really believe that it’s what they are. This is an especially common problem for sx-blind introverts or people in the withdrawn triad, since a lot of activities described as so-blind are one-on-one or personal pursuits, although neither are so-blind-only things. A miscommunication occurs; so-blinds are the majority in making these posts, and because so is their blindspot they can’t explain it in a way that applies to less extreme sx-blinds, and because sx-blinds have sx in their blindspot they think that sx fits them even when it doesn’t. So-blinds are pretty decisive and make posts that express that decisiveness, which some more impressionable sx-blinds take as fact instead of a different way of communication. OP vs reader blindspot disagreement is a major cause of mistyping.

Sx-blinds generally have less of an objective impression of their own strengths and weaknesses than so-blinds due to being influenced by the opinions of others and lacking the specificity that sx gives people, so although some of the negative attributes given to sx-blinds are true even if exaggerated sometimes (like being boring due to the fact that they talk about obvious things to maintain distance and don’t express passion like sx-users), they make sx-blinds defensive and mistype out of fear that they could ever be a part of that sad group. There’s nothing objectively wrong with being sx-blind, but sx-blinds care about being respected in general, and they don’t think that with those qualities associated with them that it’s possible for them to be. Which is pretty sad, although I agree that it’s no one’s responsibility but their own to get over themselves, accept weaknesses, and recognize when someone’s opinions are just opinions even if they can have potentially valuable information.

Being unable to acknowledge weaknesses seems to be a pretty common problem in mistyping in general, which imo is odd since you would assume that people looking deeper into typology would be willing to accept the problems that come with being each type and learn from them instead of forming their identity around a stereotype and being Totally Definitely 100% So-Blind™ to avoid their problems.

To summarize, the basic qualities of average sx-blindness are these: understanding the social environment based on groups, lacking motivation/having embarrassment in pursuing or publicly expressing dedication to interests, a degree of confused self-perception (especially in low Ti or those lacking a 4 in their tritype), and being [too] receptive to the opinions of others. Mistyping is connected to the perception sx-blinds learning about instinctual variants have of soc and sx, and how they wish to distance themselves from the idea of sx-blindness because many descriptions they read are worded in an so-blind way that they don’t relate to or are true things that they refuse to see in themselves. Sx-blinds are easily affected by changes or the popular opinions in the communities that they see themselves a part of and therefore have many misconceptions of their own behavior or lack the self-awareness to work on the flaws that cause them to have a weak sense of self in the first place. [soc voice] If sx-blinds wish not to be misunderstood, they should work on understanding their own thought process and sharing their views, instead of denying that they have soc or lack sx.

#sx blind #so blind #instinctual variants #typing

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misscampbellclarington · 4 years

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Out of Character Task

SOME WARM-UP QUESTIONS TO GET IN THE MOOD:

What is their character archetype? Do they have one? Do they fit into any stereotypical label? (If your character has specific thoughts about character archetypes, feel free to add that too.) I don’t know that Campbell fits into any archetype. I suppose if she did, it would be the ‘pretty girl who comes off as stuck up but is actually really nice’ archetype.

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? Generally, Campbell enjoys dressing up in costumes one might expect to find at a masquerade ball.

Who do they look up to? Do they have a hero? Campbell looks up to Riley, and he is her hero. She also admires and looks up to her paternal grandmother.

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? Riley. Every time.

What is their favorite fairytale? What fairytale do they hate? Do they believe in happy endings? Campbell’s favorite fairytale is Beauty and the Beast.

What is their perception of redemption? Campbell does believe people can redeem themselves, and she believes everyone makes mistakes. However, she does have the ‘Clarington Cold Streak’, and even she has limits.

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? Campbell would go to 1940′s Paris.

What are they good at? Do they like being good at it? Is there anything they wish they were better at? She is good at dance, writing, singing, and school. Yes, she enjoys each of her activities. She wishes she were better at math.

When did they last lie? What’s their view of lying? When did they last make a promise? Did they keep or break their last promise? Campbell doesn’t often flat-out lie, she more lies by omission. Though, she’s been primarily straightforward here, nothing is coming to mind. She does not tolerate dishonesty from others, and it is the quickest way to push her into punishing a Submissive. However, in certain scenarios, she does recognize that it is necessary. Before entering Dalton, she promised Riley she’d do her best to protect and shield him. Thus far, she’s doing pretty well. She feels guilty for not putting Riley under orders after Beau’s call out post, and feels as though she both could and should have done more.

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? Oh, gosh. Probably her books. And/or her journal.

HOW THEY TALK AND PORTRAY THEMSELVES:

*This is going to be the best section to use when it comes to making your characters look, sound, and feel like different people instead of the same person with different faces. Remember that yes, some diction is the same across the board for a lot of people but we’re all individuals and choose to use even the currently trendy vocabulary in our own ways.

The first thing anyone is going to see is how your character talks. What makes them different from everyone else? How do you distinguish one of your characters talking versus another talking? Campbell, for the most part, is very prim and proper in her speech. She does not use a lot of contractions, her vocabulary is extensive, and she occasionally comes across as cold in her speech.

What words or phrases do they overuse? Do they have a catchphrase? Is there anyone that they quote? She overuses “I am glad...”. She does not have a catchphrase, though she does like to throw in various literary references and quotes.

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? Are they introverted or extroverted? Although she attempts to be optimistic, she is truly forever the realist. Cam is definitely more introverted than most.

Do they ever put on airs? Do they ever pretend to be something they are not? This includes pretending to be brave or pretending to be strict. (For example, many people play Sebastian Smythe as a character that is putting on a sex shark, suave, cold façade in order to fit in. Santana Lopez and Quinn Fabray could also be seen as putting on airs, sometimes, depending on where they are in their story arcs.) Campbell’s entire public life is shaped by her putting on airs. As a Clarington, she has been trained on how to act in public- never anything less than classy, with a healthy heap of perfection. In reality, Campbell is a bit of a mess.

How do they want to be seen by others? How do they see themselves? How are they seen by others? Cam wants to be seen as respectable, classy, and ‘powerful’, in a way. She sees herself as broken, and as a mess. Ultimately, I think she may be seen as a bitch, or intimidating. It’s the resting bitchface and the fact that she is very quiet and enjoys observing.

Strongest character trait? Weakest character trait? Strongest character trait is her resilience, and her ability to push through regardless of the chaos around her. Her weakest character trait is her fear of being alone, and the dark places that fear and those thoughts take her to.

How do they react to praise? How do they react to criticism? Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? In all situations, Campbell does her best to keep her composure. She doesn’t really know what to do with praise, or how to respond. She doesn’t see herself as worthy of praise, and is a bit confused an taken aback when others praise her, or say good/nice things. Criticism fuels Campbell- she’s so used to getting it from her parents, and she uses it constructively, to add to her quest for perfection. She is far, far more likely to fight with her tongue. I don’t think she would even know what to do in a physical fight.

What are their political views? What will they stand up for? What do they consider an overrated virtue? Campbell generally maintains a position of independence in her political views. She does not associate herself fully with any party, though publicly she agrees with whatever stance her father takes. Campbell will stand up for just about any injustice, even if she must do so in small ways. Polite women, trained meet society’s view on what women should be, even as Dommes.

How do they treat Dominants? How do they treat submissives? Do they have any preconceived notions about poor people or rich people? Ultimately, Campbell attempts to treat everyone the same, though she is very well aware of the fact that this may be viewed as inappropriate. Publicly, she may treat Submissives slightly different, primarily in her actions, but she hates it. She tries not to have preconceived notions about anyone, although her upbringing does make this hard. Her first thoughts may always be judgement as that is what she has been taught, but she always reminds herself to reconsider and be kinder. She aims to connect with others, genuinely.

What bad habits do they have? Campbell’s bad habit is getting too focused on/caught up in her work and studies, and forgetting to take care of herself.

CHARACTER INTERESTS, LIKES, AND DISLIKES:

What is their obsession? (Example: Rachel Berry is obsessed with Broadway, Quinn Fabray is obsessed with successful perfection, etc) Campbell is obsessed with perfection.

What is their guilty pleasure? (This doesn’t have to be embarrassing, even if by definition this is something they would hide.) Cam’s guilty pleasure is reality TV.

What are their hobbies? (Remember that these can lead to club activities, which can lead to reasons to be active and make connections) Her hobbies are dance, singing, writing, and reading.

What are their idiosyncrasies? Cam chews her cheeks when she’s anxious, and always brings her hand to her mouth when she’s thinking.

What makes them laugh out loud? Random things- cute animals, funny children, and a variety of other things that would have to occur in the moment.

What are their pet peeves? Campbell cannot stand when people whine about results after putting in no effort. Dishonesty. And, people who do not rinse dishes before placing them into the sink.

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? She has been trained to make snap judgments, but she does correct herself and internally forces herself to take things slowly and make considerations.

What is their greatest fear? Ending up alone, never finding another Submissive, not being good enough, failure, and gnomes.

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? This varies by day. Generally indoorsy, though she does enjoy nature and occasionally likes to walk to spark inspiration for her writing.

What is the most offensive thing they’ve ever said? There have been far too many things to pick only one.

FAMILY, LOVE, AND OTHER HUMAN CONNECTIONS:

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? How do they define family? Campbell’s family is average-sized, consisting of herself, her twin Riley, and their older brother Hunter, along with their parents. Extended family creates a larger network, but they still aren’t a big, huge family by any means. Campbell defines family as the people you want to be around if you had only 24 hours left to live.

Did they grow up rich or poor? Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Although she grew up rich, and never lacked or wanted for anything materialistic, she was neglected emotionally and desperately wanted more love, acceptance, and interaction.

What were they like before their mark, right after they woke up marked, after they got used to their mark, and approaching time to go to the Academy? Did any of these D/s mark related moments change them as a person? Campbell did not really change once she got her mark. She had always been raised to be as she is, and being marked as a Domme did nothing to effect that. Prior to coming to the Academy, she became more quiet and withdrawn, due to her nerves about going into another Academy situation.

What advice would they give their younger self? She would truthfully tell her younger self not to care so damn much. To be free, to be a child, to begin learning young to have fun and most importantly learn to love herself.

What was their childhood ambition? Has that changed? Campbell wanted to be a professional performer, and yes those goals have somewhat changed. While deep down she would love to continue dancing and performing, she feels as though this is not realistic, and knows her family would look down upon the choice. Therefore, she is focusing on her writing.

How do they display affection? In a situation with someone she doesn’t know very well, she presents affection with her words. Praise. Doing her best to show that she cares. With someone she may know better, and can be a little bolder with, she may take someone’s hand, wrap an arm around their waist, or rest her head against them.

What quality do they most value in a friend? Describe their ideal best friend a little bit. Campbell most values someone who ‘gets’ her. Someone easy to talk to, who doesn’t make her feel wrong for how she feels things. Her ideal best friend is someone she can hang out with, and be comfortable both talking all night, or just lounging and doing their own things, in each others’ presence.

Who are their natural allies? Campbell gets along with people who are like-minded, people who carry themselves well and value image and Dominance.

Who are their surprising allies? Someone like Hunter Preston or Michael Guerin.

What do they think about love? Has your character ever been in love? Have they ever had their heart broken? Campbell does believe in love, but has determined she will probably never find it. Following the death of the Submissive she very nearly claimed, she closed herself off, afraid of being a terrible Domme and feeling like a failure, she convinced herself she wouldn’t get a second chance. She has, but not in the traditional way. Her heart broke the day Kallee died.

DAILY LIFE AND USING IT FOR STARTERS/CONVOS:

*All of these can be used to help you decide what to write as a starter, how to connect with other people, and where you can find more connections. Remember that all Dom/mes have the right to make a submissive help them through their daily life! So if your Dom/me character has an answer down here that they could use help with (i.e. their morning routine, cooking meals, cleaning house, organizing, etc-- if your Dom/me character only has condiments in their fridge, for example, a sub could be a big help in getting them to go to the Dalton kitchens to get real food! And all characters are highly encouraged to interact based on clubs, classes, and daily life.)

What are their eating habits? Do they have any allergies? Campbell is a grazer- it is rare to see her eat a full meal. Perhaps a bite of something here, two bites of something there. She gets so wrapped up in her work, stress, and emotions that she often needs to be reminded to take a break and at least eat. She is allergic to cherries and tomatoes.

Describe their dorm/suite. Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Campbell’s room is pristine, and very organized. Everything is alphabetized, color coded, folded, and pressed. Everything has a place, and she can tell if something is even minimally askew.

What do they keep in their fridge? Their bedside table? Their purse/bag? In her fridge, Campbell keeps bottled water, coconut milk, low fat vanilla yogurt, salad ingredients, and bagels/cream cheese. On her bedside table she keeps a wax warmer, her journal, and whatever book she is working on reading. In her purse, Cam keeps her daily planner, her cell phone, chapstick, lipstick, a powder compact, extra tampons, a small manicure set, a lighter, and a metal cigarette holder (she smokes 1-2 cigarettes a day).

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? The first thing Campbell does on a weekday morning is shower.

What do they do with their weekend? On the weekends, Campbell reads, dances, has movie marathons, and goes jogging.

Are they comfortable with technology? Yes, though she is no whiz. She knows enough to get by, and maybe a little extra.

What is their greatest extravagance? Campbell’s wardrobe.

What is their idea of perfect happiness? Being free. Being able to be herself, wholly.

What is their view of ‘freedom’? The ability to do, say, wear, and act whatever and however she pleases. No longer being forced to constantly chase and meet the most unrealistic of expectations.

What clubs and classes are they in? What does their weekly schedule look like? What would they like to start doing? Maybe something they could use a little push to get into? Aside from her required courses, Campbell has chosen to take Government and Human Anatomy. She is on the dance team and in Key Club. She has room for one more extracurricular, and is heavily considering Book Club or Linguistics Club. Her weekly schedule is steady, and unchanging, as she enjoys order and is very particular about her time-tables. She attends classes, then goes to the library for two hours after they end, before considering seeking food. Barring club meetings and practices, she is back in her room by 7PM, where she takes the time to read, watch a movie, or entertain a Submissive. She would like to branch out a little more, and meet a few more people, though her introverted tendencies

#tasks:all #tasks:ooc #tga starters

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