#and don’t even get me started on creators having to beg for good reviews to balance out review-bombing from shitheads

[novelconcepts]

The defintion of hell is knowing a show is incredibly well-received in its first season, but if people don’t become machines churning out tweets, content, and rewatching 24/7, there’s no likelihood it’ll get a chance to tell its whole story. This shit is madness. Shows in different genres shouldn’t have to pit-battle for dominance. First seasons are MEANT to be baselines establishing worlds and characters, not complete storylines. The idea that this golden age of television has turned into “get it done in one or get out” is revolting.

[wildlyminiaturesandwich]

Why I left the EA Game Changer Program

Judging by the state of my inbox, a lot of you want to know what happened that lead to me leaving the Game Changer program and I was gonna write up a MASSIVE text post about it — I still might one day — but honestly... I’m not sure if I could be bothered right now. A lot of things happened, big things and small things, public things and things that took place in the Discord and DMs; all of it absolute bullshit but none of it is anything I want to continue to deal with, which is why I left.

This post still turned out to be quite long so I’m gonna put it under a cut, but if you’re expecting ALL the juicy details, this isn’t it. This is a couple of the major issues but it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

So let me just say, most of the issues can be boiled down to how the program was managed. The program has been slowly declining since SimGuruDrake left and the Community Manager role has kept changing. Say what you want about Drake and her attitude but she was damn good at her job and none of the crap that certain “high value” Game Changers have gotten away with in the past few years would have ever happened on her watch. But I can honestly say the newest Community Manager has been the worst so far.

(I mean, it’s been 5 days since I told him I was leaving the program and he hasn’t replied. I doubt he ever will. I am not surprised, I’m not even disappointed; I’m just annoyed that I was right because this isn’t the first time he’s ignored DMs and I wasn’t expecting any different this time)

Need some examples? We were told in no uncertain terms by the CM that only “High Value” creators (meaning a select group of Youtubers) would ever be given opportunities such as paid sponsorships, event invites and the like because they alone were worth the investment. He also told us that the Game Changer program has “nothing to do with the community”, which is a stark contrast to what most of us were told by the previous CMs and the reason some of us joined the program. And every single time myself and a few other Simblr Game Changers bought up concerns in the Discord about certain things (eg. racism within the program, favouritism, “high value” Game Changers bullying smaller ones, Game Changers acting inappropriately or taking advantage of their titles/power, the insane amount of stress put on us to produce content within such a tight timeframe for early access) we were either told “this isn’t the place to discuss this”, told to “calm down” when we were speaking politely, told to shut up and warned that if we kept going we’d be punished, or just flat out ignored and spoken over.

There were even several occasions where a certain group of GCs (some of whom were mods in the Discord) would provoke one particular Simblr because they knew she would only put up with so much before she would get angry and they hoped she would eventually say something to get herself kicked out. But every single time this happened, the Simblr was the one who was warned that if she kept being “aggressive” she’d be removed from the program. It’s gotten so bad that there are people who are actually scared to speak at all in the Discord because they’re afraid they’ll be removed from the program for having a difference of opinion or not agreeing with the “High Value” people. Honestly, if people knew even half of what was said within that Discord, if they knew how some of their faves behaved behind “closed doors”, they’d be even more disappoint than I am.

So, in conclusion, if you’re a Simblr and you are thinking about joining the program next time applications are open (if they ever are)... Don’t. They don’t care about us, they don’t view us as equals within the community even though Simblrs provide 90% of the CC and mods they use in their games; they never have and they never will. Simblrs have been part of the program for over 3 years and they still don’t even have a way for us to submit our early access content to EA (we have to DM it to the CM who no doubt just ignores it) or accurately measure our ROI, even though several of us have given the CM literal novels worth of information on how it could be done. The only way Simblr GCs have ever been acknowledged was if they started a Youtube channel or collaborated with one of the “high value” creators. Ever seen a single Simblr at an EA event, get a paid sponsorship or even simply get mentioned in a Sims official Twitter tweet? No. Why? They. Don’t. Care. About. Us. 

Honestly, if I knew back then what I know now, I never would have applied for the program in the first place. I could have saved myself years of stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, and tears.

But, if I keep going this is gonna turn into even more of a rant than it already has and that’s not what I want. I just want to wake up every morning not dreading what nonsense is happening in that Discord and how much trouble I’m going to get into for speaking up for those who are too scared. I want to enjoy my favourite game again. I want to enjoy making CC again. I want to feel like a part of THIS community again. Simblr is where I started and where I grew, and though it sometimes can be tough to be here, it’s my home.

Simblrs are just as valuable and important as any other part of the Sims community and no one can take that away from us, not even EA/Maxis.

Just a few things to add...

I have nothing against the “high value” people or any Youtubers. They are just taking advantage of the opportunities given to them, as anyone in their position would. The issue I have is that it’s always them and no one else, but I don’t blame them for that because that’s not their fault.

I’m not going to name names. Sorry, I know some of you want to avoid supporting the people I mentioned being bullies but I left the program to get away from the bullshit and if I name names those people and their fans will come after me and I got enough of that in the GC Discord.

I will still be buying new packs. I love The Sims 4, no matter how much the management sucks, and I’m going to continue to play it because it helps me deal. Even before I became a Game Changer my FAQs page has always said “EA could literally announce a pack called something stupid like ‘Plant  Life’ with just a single ugly little pot plant in it and I would pay  whatever they ask”. If you choose not to support the game anymore that’s great and that’s your right to do so, but please don’t give out to me for wanting to continue to do one of the only things that makes me happy.

I will still be doing reviews of new packs. Just because I’m no longer part of the program doesn’t mean I won’t be giving my opinions of new packs, nor does it mean my reviews are going to change. My reviews have always been my 100% honest opinion and that won’t change. The only difference now will be I don’t get early access so my reviews won’t be up until after the pack releases, but on the plus side, I also won’t have to deprive myself of sleep and run myself into the ground to review an entire pack in less than 24 hours like I had to do many times with early access.

Saying “I told you so” is not helpful at all. I was aware from the start that Game Changers were free marketing, I’m not an idiot. I was just naive enough to think that they treated everyone the same within the program.

I stayed for as long as I did because I was stupid enough to think I could help change things. I thought adding my voice to the ones already trying to change things (who are still there trying now) that together we might be able to light a fire under the CM’s butt and get some changes happening to make the whole program more friendly towards creators from ALL platforms but it’s literally like banging your head against a brick wall. Nothing is ever going to change because they don’t want it to, but hats off to the few people still in there trying; they have way more patience and sanity than I do.

Not all the Gurus are bad. In fact most of them are really great, super friendly and treat everyone equally within the whole community; you only have to go to one of their live streams (on their personal Twitch channels, not the Sims official one) to see that. It’s mostly just the CM who I was referring to in this post.

It’s now been TWO MONTHS and SimGuruFrost never got back to me. I am no longer able to log into the Game Changer Network (the site we use to opt in to opportunities for upcoming games and DLC packs) so my credentials have officially been revoked but the CM hasn’t said a word to me. Even though I know for a fact when other people have asked to be removed from the program he practically begged them to “just take a break and then come back when you’re ready”. Just goes to show, standing up for people and fighting for what’s right will get you nowhere within the program; all they want are yes men.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Dead, broke

Of all the moving, wrenching accounts of death during the pandemic, Molly McGhee’s “America’s Dead Souls,” for The Paris Review stands out: haunting, furious and sad, an rude awakening of the status quo that denies any possibility of inaction.

https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2021/05/17/americas-dead-souls/

I’ve known McGhee a long time, since she worked on my book INFORMATION DOESN’T WANT TO BE FREE from McSweeneys, a professional association we renewed when she landed at Tor.

During the pandemic crisis, I’ve had two different connections to her: on the one hand, the consummate professionalism of her emails as we published my novel ATTACK SURFACE in the middle of the lockdown.

On the other hand, I knew her through her wrenching and deeply personal Twitter account of the personal tragedies she’s endured over the same period. Her Paris Review essay brings those tragedies into sharp focus and uses them to pin a huge and heretofore ill-defined feeling.

McGhee’s mother died during the crisis, but the death was the culmination of years of hardship: “[earning] less than $10,000 a year. Suffering from debilitating depression while caring for her aging parents…chronically unemployed, undermedicated, and overstressed.”

Her mother’s debts were on public display through searchable databases, and her life was haunted by both con artists and bill collectors who carpet-bombed her with calls, letters and emails.

She was too poor to fight back: her wages were garnished by the IRS “for back taxes calculated from a years-old misfiling they refused to correct.” McGhee sent her months of her salary, but it wasn’t enough.

She had no answer for her mother’s rhetorical questions, “Why are these people harassing me? What good does it do them?”

Because the answer is obvious and insufficient: “The people in power don’t care if we live or die, as long as they get paid.”

It only took two days after McGhee’s mother died for her creditors to begin harassing her for her mother’s debts. The state of Tennessee seized the house, but Wells Fargo expected her to make good on the mortgage.

The hospital where McGhee’s mother died wanted a quarter of a million dollars. McGhee, not even 26, was staring down the barrel of the weapon that had been trained on her mother, the inheritor of nothing but debt.

The debt-machine is efficient. Bill collectors found out about McGhee’s mother’s death before McGhee’s own family got word. And they’re remorseless, immune to McGhee’s “pleading, bargaining, reasoning, denying, uploading, scanning, begging, faxing, and crying.”

McGhee compares it to Gogol’s “Dead Souls,” a surreal tale of a grifter named Chichikov who buys dead serfs’ souls to sell for profit.

It’s only surreal if you’ve never been in the debt system’s crosshairs, “where one day of lost wages can compound into houselessness.”

We live in a system of winners and losers. The winners’ winnings come from debt, shielded from the system’s cruelty by “professionalism and bureaucracy” that insulate them — and their functionaries — from “feelings of culpability, not to mention empathy or curiosity.”

Poor people have less money, but the system is firmly focused poor people, because people with money can defend themselves. When McGhee went into debt to hire a lawyer, a single letter on official letterhead instantly reduced all that debt by 90% — more than $250k, poof.

It’s expensive to be poor. Take Community Health Systems, one of the largest hospital chains in America. It sues the shit out of poor people. When those people can afford lawyers, CHS loses, because it is chasing debts it is not entitled to collect.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/18/unhealthy-balance-sheet/#health-usury

CHS itself owes $7.6 billion. It turned its first profit in 2020, thanks to hundreds of millions of dollars in state and federal subsidies, and its executives pocketed millions in “performance bonuses” for a performance that consisted of getting bailed out by the public.

The Trump stimulus handed trillions to the richest people and biggest companies in America. Those companies “leveraged up” their handouts to raise trillions more and went on spending sprees, buying up struggling businesses.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/17/divi-recaps/#graebers-ghost

They loaded these companies up with debt, declared “divi recaps” (where you take out a loan on a company you bought on credit and put that money in your own pocket as a “special dividend”) and crashed the companies, destroying jobs and communities.

Plutes know there are three kinds of debt: workers’ debts (which must be repaid), owners’ debts (to be “restructured” away) and government debt (not debt at all, but still handy for terrifying normies with stories of “mortgaging our kids’ futures”).

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/17/disgracenote/#false-consciousness

Forty years of this approach has turned the economy into a shambling zombie, dependent on the fiction that “consumer” debts — repackaged as bonds through financialization — will be repaid, somehow.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/02/innovation-unlocks-markets/#digital-arm-breakers

As an ever-larger share of the world’s wealth has shifted from the workers’ side of the balance sheet to the owners’, the ability of workers to buy things to keep businesses afloat as vehicles for debt-leveraging has only declined.

Wage-theft and stagnation, unions in retreat, monopoly, monopsony, tax-preferencing for home-owners over renters, for capital gains over wages, spiraling housing, health and education costs, worker misclassification — wages are annihilated before they’re even deposited.

With no wages left over to fund consumption, there’s only debt, and as Michael Hudson says, “Debts that can’t be repaid, won’t be repaid.” CHS can comfortably carry billions in debts, but the sick people it sues for $201 have to choose between rent and medical debt.

Every loan-shark knows how this works. The chump with $500 who owes you $500 and owes the bank $500 needs an incentive to pay you ahead of the bank. To assert the primacy of your claims, you need an arm-breaker.

The digital world has given us all kinds of fantastic new arm-breakers: digital repo men who can brick your car or your phone. It’s automated the once rare practice of evictions, creating eviction mills that run with devastating efficiency.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/02/innovation-unlocks-markets/#digital-arm-breakers

Creating a debt-instrument — a bond grounded in the payments from other peoples’ debts — requires that you convince investors and bond-rating agencies that your arm-breaker will terrorize the debtors into paying you instead of child-support or grocery bills.

“The cruelty is the point” isn’t ideology, it’s pure description. The system — an artificial life-form constituted as immortal colony organism that uses us as gut flora — runs on competing claims to your debt, and victory consists of terrorizing you more than any rival.

The financiers who practice leveraged buyouts destroy real businesses, ruin lives and hollow out communities. They are feted as “job creators.” The workers who must borrow to close the gap they leave are “deadbeats.” Leveraged buyouts are back, baby.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/14/billionaire-class-solidarity/#club-deals

If you fret that forgiving student loans and making college free will “saddle our kids with debt,” then you’ve been suckered.

Look. Replacing a system that starts all but the richest children with unserviceable debt with one that doesn’t is liberation, not bondage.

Since Reagan, we’ve been hiking tuition, killing deductions for interest, and shielding student debt from bankruptcy.That’s how you can borrow $79k, pay $190k, still owe $236k, and have 25% taken from every paycheck AND Social Security until you die.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/04/kawaski-trawick/#strike-debt

Debts that can’t be paid, won’t be paid. Student debts do get forgiven, but only for those highly educated, (potentially) highly productive people who can prove that they have been so thoroughly destroyed by debt that they have no future.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/20/sovkitsch/#student-debt

And as McGhee reminds us, the tragedy isn’t merely that we educate people on the pretense of betting on America’s future, but really, the principle use that the system makes of the educated is as collateral for securitized loans.

If the arm-breakers who chased her mother wanted to understand that woman’s humanity, McGhee says they should start here:

“Her humor and her rage were unmatched. In the evenings, against the setting Tennessee sun, she liked to drink red can Cokes in the garden while snuffing cigarettes out against the yard’s ant colonies. She could reckon with anyone just by looking them in the eye. Men were terrified of her, rightfully so. She was sweet. In the last week of her life, when she couldn’t understand where she was or who she was talking to, she greeted everyone the same: ‘Hi, pal. Hope you’re doing okay. When can you come pick me up?’”

Take a second. Re-read that.

[pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird]

That person might not have said top ten but I would like to see the other five underrated animes 👀

(First post) I’LL KEEP ‘EM COMING, I LIVE FOR RECOMMENDING ANIME. I keep changing my mind on which ones to include because there’s so much good shit out there.

By the way, all of the recommendations in this list AND the last one are 26 episodes or less and tell a complete story. No cliffhangers, no “finish the manga to see the finale”, no “where’s the rest of it???” endings. That’s why, for now, Stars Align and Princess Jellyfish still get stuck with the honorable mentions even though what’s been made for both of them is incredible.

1. The Tatami Galaxy (Drama, Introspective)

The director behind Ping Pong the Animation and the original author behind Eccentric Family join forces to make Tatami Galaxy, which capitalizes on the best strengths of both shows. The protagonist is a lonely college student facing the prospect of graduating after having thoroughly wasted his college years. He bemoans how circumstances outside of his control, from conniving fake-friends to selfish and shallow extras, have conspired to ruin what should have been a “rose-colored campus life”, and wishes he could do it over again so he can get it right.

So he does, with the show using avant-garde animation and abstract storytelling to explore all of his threads of what-ifs. The plotlines seem separate but weave together and subtly build on each other, culminating to a finale that explores the meaning of relationships and who you are in the absence of outside forces that can define you. It’s heartfelt, funny, raunchy, and deep, and perfectly encapsulates the existential dread of being in college. I watched it for the first time when I was about to finish undergrad and it hit like an emotional freight train, then I rewatched it during quarantine and it hit like a truck. This is one of my top favorite anime of all time.

2. Re:Creators (Fantasy, action)

Most of the anime I’ve put on these lists get their spots for being deep, nuanced, and delicately crafted. This is not one of them. But, by god, is it one of the most over-the-top fun shows I’ve ever seen. Re:Creators is a rare reverse-isekai. Fictional characters from popular anime, games, and manga suddenly start turning up in the real world, instructed to “find your Creator and reshape the world you came from”. The soundtrack by Hiroyuki Sawano is bar-none one of the hypest things out there; seriously, just listen to Layers, the song for a character from a grimdark everyone-dies series begging her author to tell her why.

The characters in this show are so fun to watch bounce off each other, even if they’re not as “three dimensional” as others. Magical girls fight Stand users, mechs face down scifi-noir detectives, Lawful Good Paladins go toe-to-toe with Chaotic Evil light novel villains.  But by including the artists who imagined these characters as characters themselves, it also has a lot to say about the creative process, the reasons people create, and the relationship between an artist and their work. Between the high-octane fight scenes, there’s a surprisingly human and genuine throughline.

3. Sora no Woto (Slice of life, music, post-apocalyptic)

This show is another of my favorite examples of worldbuilding done right. A young girl joins the army as a bugler because it’s one of the only ways she can learn to play music. The episode plots focus on how she and her tiny regiment of young women stationed at a small town in the middle of nowhere deal with day-to-day troubles, while the details of the world around them slowly fill and round out the picture of a broken society where people still just... live. They still create myths, they still have festivals, they still blow glass and tell ghost stories and make art. The plots seem inconsequential, until the world built into the background becomes too prominent to ignore. The background art and music is some of the most gorgeous I’ve seen. It’s part of a genre I’ve been calling “soft apocalypse” and it’s been one of my favorites for years.

BONUS MENTION: Girl’s Last Tour (Slice of life, post-apocalyptic)

Yes, I’m cheating, but listen. Girl’s Last Tour fits perfectly into the canon narrative provided by Sora no Woto, just set in the far future, a few apocalypses later. It’s got less of a main plot, because there’s almost nothing of society left, just two girls wandering together through an abandoned world. It’s soft, introspective, and bittersweet, showing how humanity is still humanity no matter how few people are left. Despite having nothing about their productions in common, it’s the perfect spiritual successor to Sora no Woto and they deserve to be recommended in the same spot.

4. Tamako Market (+ the movie) (Romance, slice-of-life)

This show is the platonic ideal of a soft, heartwarming, sweet-as-sugar, slice-of-life romance. It follows the daily life of Tamako, a high school girl who lives above a family-owned mochi shop in a shopping center, who is followed around by a talking bird trying to find a bride for his prince in a far-off land. But really the show isn’t about the bird. The show is about love in all its forms. The love that the other families in the shopping center have for Tamako, the love that she and her friends have for each other, the love they have for the activities they’re passionate about, the love you feel when someone makes you a cup of coffee, fated love, childhood crushes, family love.

Something about this show that also stands out is how gently and naturally it incorporates some of the best queer representation I’ve ever seen in anime. One of the shop owners is a kind and soft-spoken trans woman, who is never the butt of a joke, never questioned, never treated as different, loved all the same. One of Tamako’s friends is gay, and her crush on Tamako is treated with as much respect and care as every other moment in the show. This series never makes you flinch for fear of “representation” that turns sour. It’s the epitome of a feel-good show.

5. ACCA 13-Territory Inspection Department (Political, mystery, drama)

Yes, I keep saving my favorites for last on these lists. I can’t describe this show as anything but the perfectly written plot. As a rule, I don’t like political dramas, and this is one of my favorite anime of all time. It’s set in a fictional country, where 13 regions all exist relatively independently under one collective monarchical ruler, and follows Jean, an agent of the independent Inspection Department, which acts as a check and balance to each power. The series begins with Jean being assigned a full review of each territory while the powers-that-be field whispers of a coup. This show masters foreshadowing, intrigue, escalation, and mystery. The stakes build and overlap on scales from intensely personal to national. The pacing is amazing, keeping tension balanced with plot twists that answer more questions than they ask.

Plus, it’s got one of the most visually appealing and stylized openings out there. I realize that political drama isn’t exactly escapism right now, but believe me, this series is worth it.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Dark”

Welcome back, everyone! Can you believe it's been six weeks already? I can't. Something something the uncomfortable passage of time during a pandemic as emphasized by a web-series.

But we're here to talk about RWBY the fictional story, not RWBY the cultural icon. At least, we will in a moment. First, I'd like to acknowledge that shaky line between the two, growing blurrier with every volume. A sort of good news, bad news situation.

The bad news — to get that out of the way — is that we cannot easily separate RWBY from its authors and those authors have, sadly, been drawing a lot of negative attention as of late. This isn't anything new, not at all, but I think the unexpectedly long hiatus gave a lot of fans (myself included) the chance to think about Rooster Teeth's failings without getting distracted by their biggest and brightest production. There's a laundry list of problems here — everything from the behavior of voice actors to the quality of their merch — but as a sort of summary issue, I'd like to highlight the reviews that continue to pop up on websites like Glassdoor, detailing the toxic, sexist, crunch-obsessed environment that RT employees are forced to work in. A lot of these websites requires a login to read more than a page of reviews, but you can check out a Twitter thread about it here. 

Now, I want to be clear: I'm not bringing this up as a way to shame anyone enjoying RWBY. This isn't a simplistic claim of, "The authors are Problematic™ and therefore you can't like the stuff they produce." Nor is this meant to be a catch-all excuse for RWBY's problems. If it were, I'd have dropped these recaps years ago. I'm of the belief that audiences maintain the right to both praise and criticize the work they're given, regardless of the context in which that work was produced. At the end of the day, RT has presented RWBY as a finished product and, more than that, presents it as an excellent product, one worth both our emotional investment and our money (whether in the form of paying for a First account, or encouraging us to buy merch, attend cons, etc.) I'll continue to critique RWBY as needed, but I a) wanted fans to be at least peripherally aware of these issues and b) clarify that my use of "RT" in statements like, "I can't believe RT is screwing up this badly" is meant to be a broad, nebulas acknowledgement that someone in the company is screwing up, either creatively (doesn't have the skill to write a good scene) or morally (hasn't created an environment in which other creators are capable of crafting a good scene). The real, inner workings of such companies are mostly a secret to their audiences and thus it's near impossible for someone like me — random fan writing these for fun as a casual side hobby — to accurately point fingers. Hence, broad "RT." I just wanted to clarify that when I use this it's as a necessary placeholder for whoever is actually responsible, not a damnation of the overworked animator breaking down in a bathroom. Heavy stuff, but I thought it was necessary (or at least worthwhile) to acknowledge this issue as we head into the second half of the volume.

Now for the good news: RWBY has reached 100 episodes! For any who may not know, 100 is a pretty significant number in the TV world because, when talking about prime time programming, it guarantees syndicated reruns. Basically, networks don't want audiences to get burned out with a show — changing the channel when it comes on because ugh, I've seen this already, recently too — and 100 episodes allows for a roughly five month run without any repeats, making it very profitable. RWBY is obviously not a television show and doesn't benefit from any of this (hell, modern television doesn't benefit from this as much as it used to, not in the age of streaming), but the 100 episode threshold is still ingrained in American culture. Beyond just being a nice, rounded number, it is historically a measure of huge success and I can't imagine that RT isn't aware of that. Regardless of what we think of RWBY's current quality, this is one hell of a milestone and should be applauded.

All that being said... RWBY's quality is definitely still lacking lol.

Our 100th episode is titled "Dark" — keeping with the one word titles, then — and I'd like to emphasize that, as a 100th episode, it definitely delivers in terms of plot. There's plenty of action, important character beats, and at least one major reveal, everything we'd expect from a milestone and a Part II premiere. The animation also continues to be noteworthy for its beauty, as I found myself admiring many of the screenshots I took for this recap. There are certainly things to praise. The only problem (one we're all familiar with by now) is that these small successes are situated within a narrative that's otherwise falling apart. It's all good stuff... provided you ignore literally everything else surrounding it.

But let's dive into some examples. We open on Qrow starting, awoken by the thunder outside. Robyn has been watching him and makes a peppy comment about how none of them will be sleeping tonight, followed by a more serious, "Sounds bad out there." Yeah, it does sound bad, especially when they all know — thanks to Ruby's message back in Volume 7 — that this is due to Salem's arrival. I think a lot of the fandom has forgotten that little detail because people often discuss Qrow as if he is entirely ignorant of what is going on outside his cell. Even if we were to assume that he's forgotten all about the pesky Salem issue (the horror of Clover's death overriding everything else, perhaps) he still knows that Tyrian is running loose in a heat-less city with a creepy storm going on and, from his perspective, the Very Evil Ironwood is still running the show. So it's bad, which begs the question of why Qrow (and Robyn, for that matter) hasn't displayed an ounce of legitimate worry for everyone he knows out there. Thus far, their interactions have centered entirely around Qrow's misplaced blame and Robyn's terrible attempts to lighten the mood, despite the fact that a war is raging right beyond that wall. It's another example of RWBY's inability to manage tone properly, to say nothing of balancing the multiple concerns any one character should be trying to juggle. Just as it rankles that Ruby and Yang don't seem to care about what has happened to their uncle, Qrow likewise doesn't seem to care about what might be happening to his nieces. When did we reach a point where these relationships are so broken that someone can be arrested/chucked into a deadly battle and the others just... ignore that?

So Robyn's otherwise innocuous comment immediately reminds me of how badly the narrative has treated these conflicts and, sadly, things don't improve much from here. We are thankfully spared more of Robyn's jokes when Qrow realizes that what he's hearing can't be thunder. A second later, Cinder blasts through the wall — called it! — and Qrow instinctively transforms. 

The only downside to this moment is that the whole ceiling falls down on Qrow and the others because APPARENTLY these cells don't have tops on them. Seriously. As far as I can recall we don't see the stone breaking through the forcefield somehow and this looks pretty open to me.

If it is... you're telling me these crazy powerful fighters who practice landing strategies and leap tall buildings in a single bound —

— can't just hop over this mildly high electric fence to get out? Qrow can't just fly away?

We're, like, two minutes in, folks.

We transfer to Nora's perspective as she wakes up, seeing Klein giving her the IV. He tells her not to worry, that "you and your friend are going to be just fine." What friend? Penny? Klein went upstairs prior to Weiss hugging Whitley or Penny crash landing outside. I had thought them bursting through the door with another unconscious friend was the first time he learned what the big bang outside was, but apparently not.

Penny is, obviously, a mess. While I now understand the choice to make her blood such an eye-catching color when that's crucial to the Hound's hunt, I still think it looks strange visually. Like someone has taken a copy of RWBY and painted over it. It doesn't look like it fits the art style. More than that, it implies some rather complicated things about Penny's humanity, especially in a volume focused around her being a "real girl." Real enough for Maiden powers, but with obviously inhuman blood that isn't even referred to as "bleeding." Penny "leaks" instead.

Toss in the fact that she's literally an android who is made up of tech — recall the running gags about her being heavy, or it hurts to fist-bump her, to say nothing of keeping things like multiple blades inside her body — yet Klein says that her "basic anatomy" is the same and he can "stitch up that wound."

I'm sorry, what? Whatever Penny looks like on the inside, it's not going to resemble a human woman's anatomy, and Klein might be able to stitch the outer layer of skin she's got, but that won't do anything to fix whatever metal bits have been broken underneath. Penny isn't a human-robot hybrid, she's a robot with an aura. Penny has knives in her back, rockets in her feet, and a super computer behind her eyes. When our clip introduced that Klein would be the one to help Penny, my initial reaction was, "Seriously? He's a butler and a doctor and an engineer?" But RWBY didn't even try to get away with a Super Klein explanation, they just waved away Penny's very obvious, inhuman anatomy. Yeah, I'm sure "stitching up" an android wound is just like giving Nora her IV. I hope the surgical sutures he used are extra strong!

In an effort to not entirely drag this episode, I do appreciate that Whitley is allowed an "ugh" moment about the non-blood covering his shirt without anyone calling him out on it. That felt like the sort of thing the show would usually try to make a character feel guilty about and I'm glad that, for once, he was just allowed to be frustrated without comment.

Then the power goes out and May calls, which raises questions about what state the CCTS is in and when scrolls are available to our protagonists vs. when they're not. But whatever. She's checking in because she just "saw another bombing run light up the Kingdom" and —

Wait. Bombing? Salem is bombing the city? I know we've seen explosions in the sky, but I'd always just attributed that to evil aesthetic. Why does this dialogue sound like it's from a World War II film and not a fantasy sci-fi show about literal monsters launching a ground attack?

May looks pretty against the sky though. I like her hair color against that purple.

I'm admittedly grasping at positives here because we finally return to her "You have to choose" ultimatum and — surprise! — May has pulled back completely. Ruby says that once they've helped Penny, "We'll...we'll do something!" which is once again her avoiding making a decision. Ruby still refuses to choose, instead falling back on generic, optimistic pep talks. They'll figure out how to stop Salem later. They'll think about the impact of telling the world later. They'll choose who to help later. Ruby keeps pushing these problems into the future where, she hopes, a perfect, magical solution will have appeared for her to latch onto. When that continues to not happen, others pressuring her to actually do something and stop waiting for perfection — Ironwood, Yang, May — she panics and continues stalling for time. Wait an episode and the narrative supports her in this.

Because initially May was forcing Ruby to decide. Now, May enables her desire to keep putting things off. "Don't beat yourself up, kid. At this point, I don't know how much is left to be done." That's the exact opposite of what May believed last episode, that there was still so much work and good to do for the people of Mantle. This is precisely what the show did with Yang and Ren's scenes too, having people call Ruby out... but then return to a message of, 'Don't worry, you're actually doing just fine' before Ruby is forced to actually change.

None of which even touches on May calling her "kid" in this moment. That continues to be a convenient way of absolving Ruby of any responsibility. When she wants to steal airships or Amity Tower, she's an adult everyone should listen to, the leader of this war. When the story wants to absolve her of previously mentioned flaws, she becomes a kid who shouldn't "beat herself up." I said years ago that RWBY couldn't continue to let the group be both children and adults simultaneously, yet here we are.

So that was a thoroughly disappointing scene. Ruby gets her moment to look sad and defeated, listing "the grimm, the crater, Nora, Penny" as problems she doesn't know how to solve. Note that 'Immortal witch attacking the city I've helped trap here' isn't included in that list. Ruby is still ignoring Salem herself and no one in the group is picking up where May left off, challenging her to do more than wring her hands over things others are already trying to take care of: Ironwood is fighting the grimm, May has gone off to help the crater, Klein is patching up Nora and Penny. Ruby, as one flawed individual, should not be expected to come up with a solution to everything, but she does need to stop acting like she can come up with a solution to everything when it matters most (office scene) and rejecting others' solutions when they ask for her help (Ironwood, May).

If it feels like I'm dragging the flawed, traumatized teenager too much, it's not in an effort to ignore those aspects of her identity. Rather, it's because she's also the licensed huntress who wrested control from a world leader and violently demanded she be put in charge of this battle. Ruby, by her own actions, is now responsible for dealing with these problems, or admitting she was wrong and letting others take the lead, without purposefully derailing their plans. She doesn't get to suddenly go, "I don't know," cry a little, and get sympathetic pats.

But of course that's precisely what happens, courtesy of Weiss.

During this whole scene I kept wondering why no one was celebrating Nora waking up, especially when Ruby outright mentions her. Have they just not noticed given all the Penny drama? Because Nora absolutely woke up.

Aaaand went back to sleep, I guess. What was the point of that POV shot? No worries though, she'll wake up again in a minute.

Willow arrives and announces that they can fix the power (and Penny) using the generator at the edge of the property. I'm convinced RT doesn't actually know what a generator is because the characters are acting like it's some super special device that only richy-rich could possibly have. Whitley says that it's the SDC executives who have their "own power supply" and that it's "extremely unfair." Now, don't get me wrong, a good generator powering large portions of your house can run you 30k+, but you can also get one that plugs into your extension cord and powers your fridge for a couple hundred. There's absolutely a class issue here, just not the one Whitley and Weiss seem to be commenting on. They make a generator sound like the sort of device that only a politician-CEO could possible have and it's weird.

Likely, it sounds weird because it's a choppy way of getting Whitley to bring up the wealth disparity so he can then go, 'That's right! We're crazy rich with a company housing tons of ships! We can use those to evacuate Mantle.' Awkwardness aside, I do like that the Schnee wealth is being used for good purposes, but... evacuate where? To the city currently under attack by a giant whale? In a RWBY that wasn't determined to demonize Ironwood, this would have been a great plot point during the office scene instead, with Weiss offering her services to Ironwood, even if the group decides that a continued evacuation still isn't possible.

Instead, we get it here from Whitley. Do I need to point out the obvious? That Whitley is the MVP of this episode? He's done more good in an HOUR than the group has managed in a year. Give this kid some training and make him a huntsmen instead.

We're given a (very pretty!) shot of the shattered moon because it wouldn't be RWBY if we weren't continually reminded that gods once wiped out humanity before destroying part of a celestial body... and absolutely no one talks about that lol.

Blake's coat might not make any sense for her color scheme, but it does make her easy to spot as she and Ruby run across the grounds. Oh my god, they're actually doing something together! It only took eight years. They even get a lovely talk where Blake admits how much she looks up to Ruby, despite her being younger, and once again I'm struck at how much more I would have loved this scene if it had appeared elsewhere in the series. It is, indeed, as sweet and emotional as all the RWBY GIF-ers are claiming... provided you overlook that this is the exact opposite of what Ruby needs to hear right now. She doesn't need to hear that she's more mature and reliable than her elders when she's functioning under a "We don't need adults" mentality. She doesn't need to hear that not knowing what to do is totally fine, not when that led to her turning on Ironwood, despite not knowing how to stop Salem. She doesn't need to hear that "doing something" — doing anything — is a strength, because Ruby keeps avoiding the big problems for smaller ones she's comfortable with, like standing by Penny's bedside instead of deciding between Mantle and Atlas. Blake's speech is heartfelt, but it's a speech that suits a Beacon days Ruby who is having some doubts about her leadership skills, not the girl whose impulsive — and now lack of — actions is having world-wide repercussions. Everyone is babying Ruby to a staggering degree. It's like if we had a med show where the doctor is standing by the bedside of a coding patient, fretting between two treatments. 'Don't worry,' their colleague says, patting their shoulder. 'I've always looked up to you. You'll do something when you're ready' and then they continue to watch the patient, you know, die.

Also: who does Ruby look up to? Everyone talks about how much they depend on and trust Ruby, but who does Ruby look to for guidance? A number of her problems stem from the fact that she has rejected the advice of everyone who has tried to help her improve: Qrow, Ozpin, Ironwood, even Yang. Ruby is presented as the pinnacle of what to strive for in a leader, rather than a leader who has only been doing this for two years and still has a great deal to learn.

Anyway, they get the generator on and the Hound shows up.

I am begging RT to just make RWBY a horror story. All their best scenes the last three years have been horror I am bEGGING —

Anyway, while Ruby waits to be eaten we cut to Willow and Klein, the former of which is reaching for her bottle, pulling back, reaching again, all while her hand shakes. This is good. This is what we should have gotten with Qrow. Which isn't to say that their (or anyone's) addiction should be identical, but rather that this is a far more engaging and complex look at addiction than what our birb got. Willow tells us that she doesn't drink in the dark despite bringing the bottle with her; tries to resist drinking when she's scared and ultimately fails. Qrow just decided to stop drinking after decades of addiction, seemingly for no reason, and that was that. Why is a side character we only met this volume written better than one of the main cast?

Blake manages to call Weiss about the Hound and she asks if Whitley can handle the airships without her. I mean, I assume so given that Weiss is looking at the bookshelves while Whitley does all the work lol. He makes a teasing comment about how he can if she can handle that grimm and she comments that they still need to work on his "attitude."

No they don't. Weiss stuck a weapon in her kid brother's face. Whitley made a joke. Even if Weiss' comment is likewise meant to be read as teasing, it's clear that we've bypassed any meaningful conversation between them. That hug was supposed to be a Fix Everything moment even though, as I've laid out elsewhere, it didn't even come close.

We cut back to Ruby getting thrown through a wall into the backyard and the Hound creepily coming after her. She's freaked out by this clearly abnormal grimm and Blake is weirdly... not? "It's just a grimm. Just focus!" Uh, it's obviously not. Have we reached the traumatized, sleep-deprived point where the group is sinking into full-blown denial? I wouldn't be surprised. They've been awake for like... 40+ hours.

Because the Hound knocks Ruby out with a single hit. Just, bam, she's down. "Focusing" is not the solution here.

Weiss calls to warn the others about the grimm, telling them to stick together. Willow (understandably) starts freaking out and flees the room (classic horror trope!). Klein is left alone when Penny wakes up with red eyes. Oh no!

Don't worry. You know nothing meaningful happens.

She shoves Klein before (somehow?) resisting the hack, her Maiden powers going wild in the process. Just when it looks as if Penny might cause some serious damage, Nora wakes up, takes her hand, and says, I kid you not:

"Hey... no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do... It's just a part of you. Don't forget about the rest."

Okay. I want to re-emphasize that I love hopeful, uplifting, victory-won-through-the-power-of-love stories. Istg I'm not dead inside, it's just that RWBY does this so badly. I mean, what is this? It has similarities to the character shouting, 'No! Resist!' to their mind-controlled ally, but this is not presented as a desperate, last-ditch effort by Nora. She just speaks like this is the most obvious truth in the world. If you don't want to have your mind taken over... just don't! It's that simple. The problem definitely isn't that Watts has changed her coding and has implemented a command she can't override, it's that Penny has forgotten about the "rest" of her personhood.

And this works. Granted, not for long, but we leave Nora having successfully calmed Penny down and until her eyes unexpectedly go red again scenes later, we're left assuming that this is a permanent solution. That, imo anyway, is taking the Power of Love too far, overriding the basic reality of Penny being hacked. It’s not a personal failing she must overcome, it’s an external attack. I would have rather had Nora react to the scars she saw on her arm, or have a moment with Klein, or get some love from the group. Not a wakes up, falls asleep, wakes up again to save Penny with a Ruby level 'Just ignore reality' pep-talk, then back to sleep again.

So Penny isn't attacking her allies, or mistakenly hurting her allies with wild Maiden powers. Not that the group doesn't have enough to deal with, but still. Weiss arrives to help with the Hound and attempts a new summon, only to fail when two minor grimm burrow up into her glyphs. I really enjoyed that moment, both for the wing visual and the knowledge that Weiss' glyphs can fail if you break them somehow (which makes sense). Also, I just like that she failed in general? Weiss is, as per usual now, about to demonstrate just how OP she is compared to the rest of the team, so it was nice to see her faltering here.

The Hound tries to make off with Ruby and Blake does an excellent job of keeping it tethered. Ruby finally wakes, only to realize that the grimm is actually after Penny since it's staring at her power up through the window, no longer trying to escape. Moments like this remind me that there's someone on RT's writing team that knows what they're doing, at least some of the time. The assumption that the Hound is after Ruby as a SEW, the surprise that it's actually Penny, realizing it holds up because Ruby is covered in Penny's blood and Blake is not... that's all nice, tight plotting. More of that please!

The Hound drops her and Ruby's aura shatters when she hits the ground. I want everyone to remember this moment as an example of how strong the Hound is. The group may be tired, but unlike YJR they've been sitting around in the Schnee manor for a number of hours, regaining strength. We saw the Hound hit Ruby twice — once through the wall and once to knock her out — and then she falls from a not very high distance for a huntress, yet her aura is toast. That's the level of power and skill the Hound possesses. Decimating YJR, knocking Oscar out, same for Ruby, avoiding Blake and Weiss' hits, soon to treat Penny like a ragdoll. Just remember all this for the episode's end.

Blake tells Weiss she'll take care of Ruby, you go help the others. Yay breaking up the duos more! Bad timing though as the new acid-spitting grimm pops out of the ground and Blake is now left alone to face it.

Weiss re-enters the mansion, knowing the Hound is somewhere nearby, but not where. Suddenly, Willow's voice sounds through her scroll with an, "Above you!" which... doesn't keep Weiss from getting hit lol. But it's the thought that counts! Willow has accessed the cameras she's set up throughout the manor, watching the Hound's movements, and I have to say, that is a WAY better use of her separation from Klein than I thought we were getting. I legit thought they'd have Willow run away in a panic, meet the Hound, die, and then Weiss could be sad about losing her mom.

It does say something about RWBY's writing that this was my knee-jerk theory, as well as my surprise when we got something way better.

The Hound runs off, uninterested in Weiss, and she asks Willow to keep tabs on it. It heads for Whitley next (also covered in Penny's blood) and very creepily stalks him in the office with a, "I know you're here." Whitley is seconds away from being Hound chow before one of Weiss' boars pin it against the wall. He runs, then runs BACK to finish deploying the airships, before finally escaping assumed death. Goddamn this boy is pulling his weight.

I assume all these ships are automated then? I hope someone takes a moment to call May. Otherwise it's going to be super weird for the Mantle citizens if a fleet of SDC ships just show up and hover there...

I don't entirely understand how Weiss saved him though. She's nowhere to be seen when Whitley leaves and he runs a fair distance before he and Willow encounter Weiss again. We know her summons don't have to keep right next to her, but are they capable of rudimentary thought, attacking an enemy — and an enemy only — despite Weiss being a couple corridors down and unable to see the current battlefield? I don't know. In another series I'd theorize that this was a deliberate hint, a way to clue us into the fact that Willow, someone who we currently know almost nothing about, had training in the past and summoned the boar herself. Weiss and Winter certainly didn't get that hereditary skill from Jacques. Hell, we might still get that, Weiss reacting with confusion next episode when Whitley thanks her for the boar, but I doubt it. That scene with Ruby and the Hound aside, the show isn't this good at laying groundwork and then following up on it.

Case in point: Weiss says, "I didn't forget you" to Whitley after he gets away from the Hound, the moment trying to harken back to her promise to Willow. Key word is "trying." Because she absolutely forgot him! Weiss threatened and ignored Whitley until he proved his usefulness. I also shouldn't need to point out that, "Don't forget your brother" does not mean, "Don't let your brother die a horrible death by abnormal grimm." Weiss acts like her saving him is a fulfillment of her promise, rather than just the most basic of human decency. And also, you know, her job.

So that part is frustrating. The entire Schnee dynamic is a mess, from Weiss making a joke of her father's arrest, to Willow (presumably) fixing their relationship by putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Okay.

Then Weiss cuts off the Hound by summoning a giant wall of ice. My brain, every time this happens:

YOU COULD HAVE FIXED THE HOLE IN MANTLE'S WALL.

Moving on, Blake's fight against the acid... thing has some great choreography, including Blake using her semblance which we haven't seen in AGES. 

I really like the fight itself, just not what Blake is shouting the whole time. "I need you, Ruby! We all need you!" This has really gotten ridiculous. Ruby is presented as everyone's sole savior despite failing time and time again. It's not that I don't think Blake as a character should have faith in her leader, it's that I don't think the writers should be crafting a story where everyone puts their unshakable hopes in an untrained, disloyal, impulsive 17 year old. I mean, Ruby is currently unconscious, yet Blake is acting like if she doesn't wake up — she, as an individual, if Ruby Rose does not re-join this fight — then all is lost. If Ruby doesn't save them, no one can. Which is, of course, absurd on numerous levels. Blake doesn't need the passed out, aura-less Ruby right now, she needs the still very healthy Weiss pulling out multiple summons and an ice wall! Use your scroll and call for backup again.

But of course, Ruby wakes up and kills the new, terrifying grimm with a single hit. It's a preview of what's to come with the Hound and it's just as ridiculous here as it will be there.

Speaking of the Hound, am I the only one who thought this was... cute?

I can't possibly be the only one. That head-tilt is exactly what my dogs do and my brain instinctively went, "Aww, puppy!"

Murderous puppy.

The Hound realizes none of the Schnees are who it's looking for and runs off. Penny, meanwhile, has been fully taken over because, well, that's just what's convenient now. She resists long enough keep Amity up, then succumbs, then resists to apologize to Ruby, then succumbs, then resists because Nora asked her to, then succumbs once it's time to knock her out. If RWBY was willing to commit to consequences, Penny would have been taken over and that was that. The characters would need to deal with whatever outcome happens as a result. Instead, the show very carefully avoids any of those pesky consequences by having Penny successfully resisting at key moments, despite no explanation of how she's managing that.

She shoves Klein again (Klein is having a Bad Time) and starts walking down the main steps. When Whitley wants to know where the hell she's going, Penny mechanically responds that she must "Open the vault, then self-destruct." I suppose the change Watts made was the self-destruct order? Ironwood obviously wants the vault open, though not necessarily Penny's death. Think what you will of his moral compass, she's a damn powerful ally — a research project, perhaps — and a Maiden to boot. At the very least, her death may give the powers to someone even worse.

God, please don't let them have brought Penny back and made her a Maiden just to kill her again.

The Hound arrives though and, as said, knocks Penny out. We're back to square one with her, then. Note though that this attack is near instantaneous. She grabs its hands one second, is hanging limply the next. Wow, the Hound sure is a terrifying antagonist!

Not for long.

"That's enough," Ruby says and one-shots it with her eyes.

Now, I want to talk for a moment about the implications of that line. "That's enough." Obviously Ruby is #done with this situation and emotionally unwilling to let the Hound kidnap Penny (congratulations, Nuts and Dolts shippers), but there's a meta reading here as well. Not intentional, but glaring to me nonetheless. Basically, the idea that the Hound has, from a plot perspective, done enough. It has served its singular purpose. It kidnapped Oscar and now it dies. Never-mind how insanely powerful we've established the Hound to be, never-mind how Ruby's eyes also work or don't work according to whether anything of actual import is on the line. From a plot perspective "that's enough" and the Hound can be disposed of instantly. It got Oscar and gave us an episode of filler creepiness. Move along now.

The idea behind Ruby's eyes isn't bad, but the execution absolutely is. RT has undermined a huge portion of the stakes by giving their protagonist an instant kill-shot that always works precisely when she needs it to. Starting with the Apathy, we have yet to get a moment where Ruby's eyes fail to save the day when she really needs them to, no matter how incredible the challenge. The Hound was very intentionally written to be a grimm outside of the group's current power level. It thinks, it talks, they literally can't touch it. This creates the expectation that the group will need to grow stronger — or at least become smarter — in order to surmount this new obstacle, yet Ruby's eyes undermine all of that. The group hasn't grown in years, the show just makes enemies weaker as needed (Ace Ops), or has Ruby pull out her eyes as a trump card. It wouldn't be that bad if we'd at least gotten a good battle out of it, one where the group gets close to defeating the Hound on their own, but needs Ruby's eyes to finish it off. Instead, she literally walks up without any aura, announces to the audience that this antagonist's time is up, and blasts it out a window.

Granted, Ruby's eyes don't completely finish it. The Hound pulls itself to its feet and we see this.

Yup, that's a guy and yup, those are silver eyes.

I would like to issue a formal apology to the "It's secretly Summer!" theorists in the fandom. I mean, I still think it would be ridiculous (and at this point highly improbable) that Ruby's dead mother has actually been a grimm mutant this whole time, just hanging out in Salem's realm while she waits for the plot to start before attacking the world, and then sends some no-name faunus dude after the group instead of their leader's mother for extra, emotional torture... but you all were definitely right about the “It's a person” part! I... don't know how I feel about this. Admittedly, it seems to be a logical continuation of the other grimm-human hybrids we've seen — namely Cinder and Salem herself — and it finally explains why Salem wants Ruby alive (even though it actually doesn't because WHY did she want more SEWs for Hound grimm when she wasn't even attacking back then? And already has all these other insanely powerful tools??), but at the same time, it feels like it's complicating a story that doesn't need further complications. The group fights monsters and has an immortal enemy. You don't need to add 'Some of those monsters are secretly human' to the mix.

It doesn't hurt that this twist is giving me Attack on Titan vibes, which, ew. A dark time in my fandom life, folks.

The Hound staggers a few steps before Whitley and Willow dump a suit of armor on it. That's all it takes to kill the most dangerous grimm we've ever seen: a single flash of silver eyes and some heavy metal. This also wreaks havoc with the implication that Salem wants SEWs alive because they create such powerful grimm. Obviously not. I mean yeah, normal huntsmen are going to have serious  problems, we’ve seen that this volume, but any other SEWs nearby will take a Hound out instantaneously. For a villain with so many other powerful abilities — immortality, magic, endless normal grimm, her nifty soup — Salem would be much better served just killing SEWs straight out. Clearly, creating Hounds isn't worth the effort.

The Hound leaves some bones behind and Ruby collapses to her knees, overcome with the knowledge that this was once a person. Again, uncomfortable Attack on Titan parallels.

We finish our premiere with Cinder clearing away rubble to reveal Watts. Honestly, I like that we ended on this because her rescue is hilarious. She just slings him over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes and blasts off with her magic fire feet. Fantastic.

Note though that with this scene we've seen almost everything from the clip and the trailer. What's to come in the rest of Volume 8? No idea. Outside of Winter leading the charge with the bomb, we got it all here.

Time to update the bingo board!

I'm crossing off "Introducing new grimm that are quickly abandoned." Between the Hound and acid-dude both falling to a single blast/cut from Ruby, we've more than earned this square.

It doesn't look as if we'll get another Watts-Jacques team-up now that he's left, but you never know.

Maria's got me worried. I feel like her Yoda fight against Neo is the one thing she'll be allowed to do this volume, but given that we didn't see anyone except Ruby's group this episode, we don't yet know whether the story is now ignoring her and Pietro, or if they'll re-appear in another episode like YJR.  

Qrow is free. Will he get a drink before trying to murder Ironwood? Perhaps.

Still no bingo :(

All in all, the episode was by no means horrible. I think there were lots of horrible parts, but also some legitimately well executed moments, fun action, and scenes that I can easily imagine as squee worthy if you lean back and squint. Everything is comparative and in the growing collection of bad RWBY episodes, this one isn't securing a top slot. Which doesn't mean I think it's good, just... not as bad as it could have been and primarily only bad due to long-running problems, not things this specific episode has done. That's my bar then, so low it has officially entered the underworld.

Still, RWBY is back and a part of me is eager to see where this volume takes us, for better or for worse.

Until next week! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE  FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks. 

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this. 

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air  May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this. 

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time.  Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay. 

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished? 

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW.  And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order. 

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close. 

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss. 

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds. 

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “ 

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was. 

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon. 

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well. 

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass. 

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why. 

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won. 

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out. 

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives 

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again. 

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day. 

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

 The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy. 

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it. 

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has. 

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david��s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying. 

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE? 

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself. 

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face. 

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan.  Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick. 

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”. 

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia: 

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back. 

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things. 

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man. 

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back. 

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing. 

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD. 

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her. 

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home. 

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING. 

Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes. 

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”. 

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale.  This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here. 

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure. 

[shokano19]

Dr stone characters as types of TikTokers

Warning: Contains manga spoilers for new characters! You can skip those you don’t know! 

Not sure where this idea came from exactly but I got super into it and it was really fun. Consider these to be my headcanons for a dcst AU where they don’t get petrified and instead everyone is TikTok famous. 

Senku

- science 101 - makes educational videos aimed generally at students struggling at school with subjects like biology, physics, chemistry, robotics, engineering, and astronomy, explaining them thoroughly and in a simpler form - random astronomical facts #n - goes live when he’s about to do a reaction experiment - wants to show his viewers how exhilarating science can be - rarely shows his face - tries to incorporate humour into his talks - it becomes evident he’s passionate or excited about the subject by his little chuckles - “visiting my father at NASA before rocket launch” - Taiju sometimes takes over his account as a lil prank - on everyone’s for you page with minimal effort - 14M followers

Gen

- magic tricks - social science veteran - shares psychology hacks he learned throughout his career - props his phone on his cola bottles to film himself - CEO of accidentally dropping his phone on the floor - Senku’s fanboy. Reacts to Senku’s videos on occasion by acting extra and makes a huge deal out of rare pictures of Senku - posts cut scenes from his magic show then makes separate videos revealing how he performed a certain trick - cynical, dark humour - makes his viewers question their moral compass - gets a lot of compliments for his hair - 10.5M followers

Chrome

- step by step 3 minute crafts - Senku’s fanboy #2. Video duets with Senku by building the same things as him, praises Senku a lot  - geology student studying mineralogy - storytime! - regular shout-outs from Senku - always has his precious rock/crystal collection displayed behind him as he films a video and makes sure to show them off every once in a while - 2M followers

Kohaku

- trash talks men without stuttering - films herself in front of a mirror most of the time - zooms a lot into her face and stares into the camera while speaking, looking dead inside - dimmed disco lights - ironic and sassy - usually spits facts about anything she talks about - confident vibes - ayo famous relative check (Lillian Weinberg’s niece) - her duets are cruel - 1.9M followers

Ginro

- the POV - makes relatable yet obscure videos - some questionable scenarios no one can explain - yes he wears a big towel on his head when impersonating girls   - includes Kinro in his videos a lot - anime weeb - always posts at unholy hours - refined sense of humour - majority of videos are taken in his bedroom - lowkey annoying - video replies to hate comments by either faking acting hurt and crying or sarcastically going along with them as a massive fuck you - 69k followers and he would like it if it stayed that way

Kinro

- beautiful scenery shots - only has a few videos, mostly nature and places he went to with his family and friends - “top 5 places you must visit this summer” - secretive about his account, no one except Ginro knows about it - 7.9k followers - after a while he switched to making ASMR?? which gained him fame overnight and now has …. - 45k followers (Ginro’s current worst fear being Kinro surpassing his own follower count)

Magma

- unpopular opinion guy - reacts to popular tiktoks and attempts to review them (for fun, he’s a jerk for clout) - loud af, angry & narrow minded - makes valid points sometimes - dislikes kohaku’s content (probably because he feels called out) - tried to cancel Senku and failed miserably - a lot of people disagree with his hot takes - ignored the haters but got some serious threats :( - considered quitting making tiktoks so he took break - apologized to those he insulted after some reflection time - now half of his account are just apology videos - people follow him for the tea  - 500k followers

Suika (aged up)

- the animal lover - mainly videos of Chalk being adorable, Suika teaching him tricks…and him wrecking the house - “animal crossing new horizons island tour” - “my top 10 favourite cartoons” - 11k followers

Tsuakasa

- long political talks - disputable ideals - renowned martial artist  - became famous after appearing on a broadcast program with Gen and won against him in mental battle - informs on what’s currently happening in the world - has a lot of supporters as well as haters - “today’s society is flawed because - ” - encourages viewers to write their opinion in the comments - reads every single comment as well as replies to them - occasionally talks about his childhood, the good and the bad - 7.6M followers

Ryusui

- chaotic - reviews popular console/pc games of any genre - youtube channel linked in his bio - the type to walk into his bathroom and say funny shit - bombards Tsukasa’s comments section with stuff like “drop yo workout routine plz” or “your hair looks so soft I bet it smells like roses” to which Tsukasa can only reply with “please leave me alone” - generally in everyone’s comment section. He’s everywhere - bi king - super friendly and approachable - ayo rich house checkkkk XD - flexes on his personal mini yacht  - 5M followers

Francois

- quick, stylish and helpful cooking tutorials - shares rare recipes - pro decorator  - worked at 4/5 star bars, restaurants and clubs - non-binary icon - sometimes in the background of Ryusui’s videos until a lot of people asked about their relationship and revealed that they also works as Ryusui’s personal chef - 3.2M followers

Ukyo

- variety content creator - gives walkthrough’s of his job as a sonar technician - sneakily exposes his workplace’s secrets while he’s at it too - likes to gather the kingdom of science and make dumb silly videos together - archery tips for beginners - starting a new language tips - video reacts to tiktoks he finds interesting - became popular after appearing in one of Gen’s q&a videos - after that he collaborated with many others such as Senku, Chrome, Ryusui - close to everyone - appreciated for his talents - 980K followers

Yuzuriha

- fashion icon in the making - shares her everyday outfits - talks about her favourite clothing and where she bought them from - DIY accessories - cute couple videos with Taiju - fun sewing lessons! - promotes her online shop - 330k followers

Hyouga

- the type to stand in front of the camera and cover the screen with writing instead of speaking - known for his lip care routines (owns a lot of lip glosses and lip cosmetics) - occasionally takes off his mask for lip care videos - Homura is always behind the camera helping him film - kudayari spear practices - Helps Homura promote her Instagram account - tries to keep an aesthetic - trips abroad vlogs - 770k followers

Mozu

- cringey e-boy - lip-syncs  - dances  - it’s so obvious he’s fishing for attention - secretly films Kirisame for a laugh, ends up with him running for his life as soon as she finds out - expect to get second-hand embarrassment - exaggerates a lot - needs to be stopped - does tiktok challenges with Kirisame (has to beg for her to agree) - Kohaku, Luna, Gen and Nikki have him blocked - Hyouga and Kirisame are literally the only ilr friends he has :,( - 420k followers

Luna

- popular girl wannabe - desperate to get on the for you page - everyone loves her though <3 - poses in front of the camera wearing her best clothes while cute music plays in the background - complains about how she’s STILL single - pros and cons of going to med school - reads a bunch of funny tweets and almost dies laughing - recently started following Senku and can’t shut up about his content - 200k followers

Bonus: all of them tried at least once, if not more, to recreate complicated dances that went viral on tiktok. Yes, even Senku.

Coming up with usernames for them is beyond me right now so feel free to add to these however you like!  ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

[jiejie-eonni-onee-sama]

This fiction is dedicated to @sergeant-donny-donowitz. Thank you for your wonderful works and good luck with your exams! 👍👍👍

The fanart does not belong to me but to his righteous creator and so are the characters from Inglourious Basters who are the property of Quentin Tarantino.

TW: violence and swearing.

Also, English is not my first language, so don’t be too harsh on me!

                                       Past hurts as a baseball bat...

Nantucket Island, autumn 1947.

After a long day of work, Hans Landa was eager to come back home. His job as an executive of the Nantucket Bank was exhausting. Oh, he did not complain: he had a comfortable house, a massive wage, a good job, and he was free.

Something he could not have afforded if he did not negotiate with the American general staff, that famous night of June 1944. In exchange for letting the Basterds taking down Hitler and his government.

The Basterds... Thinking of them made Hans wince with pain as he grazed his infamous scar. For two years, he had hidden under a wig this painful souvenir left by Lieutenant Raine.

Every night, he heard this low and threatening voice laced with the Tennessee accent :

“I'm gonna give you a little somethin' you can't take off.”

Then, this unbearable pain when he felt the knife carving his flesh until he was permanently cursed by his past. The Apache wanted to be sure he won’t get away so easily...

When he finally arrived home, the former SS sat on a chair and poured himself a glass of wine. This house seemed too big for him... but he did not complain about his loneliness for now. He even appreciated to be the only inhabitant of this place.

His glass in his hand, he got up and went to the living room when he took place in his armchair. He looked at the sunset with wonder: another day ended in his paradise when no one would ever hunt him down...

Suddenly, he heard a soft creaking that startled him. He asked:

“Who is there?”

No answer. Hans put his glass on the table and went to see where did come from the noise. But nobody was here. Reassured, the Nazi criminal took a book and started to read... 

He was reading for an hour and a half when he perceived a sound. Not a sound, but a feminine voice who whispered:

“Hans. Did you miss me?”

He jumped from his seat, scared to death: he recognized this voice. It belonged to the actress Bridget Von Hammersmark. This bitch who dared betray her country... But it is impossible: she is dead in France, when he strangled her at the premiere...

But he was sure he heard her voice. It could not be anyone else... Suddenly, he heard another voice who soughed:

“Do not dare forget your victims... They might come back to haunt you...”

The other voice was masculine, with a slight German accent. Hans trembled with fear: he was sure he heard the voice of Wilhelm Wicki. One of the Basterds who died during the standoff in this tavern. Where was it, already? Oh, yes: it was in the small village of Nadine... May he was hallucinating?

“Landa, did you think you could escape us?”

For sure, Landa thought he became crazy : he heard another voice from a deceased Basterd. This time, it belonged to Hugo Stiglitz, the one who murdered 13 S.S. officers. He died... Well, he was supposed to be dead with Wicki and Hicox in France...

“Looks like you’ve missed your chance, Colonel.”

Speak of the British spy, his voice ringed into Hans’ears. He grabbed his hair as he tried to convince himself that he is hallucinating. It was the only rational explanation...

As he tried to reason himself, Hans nearly lost his mind when he saw Bridget Von Hammersmark, Archie Hicox, Whihelm Wicki, and Hugo Stiglitz appearing in front of him. Their eyes shot deadly glares and their smiles were... predatory.

“It’s been a long time, Herr Colonel.”

Hans turned around and felt a pang of fear clutching his guts as he saw Smithson Utivich appearing next to him. The “Little man” smirked at him in a devilish way he never expects.

“Do you see that, guys? The terrifying colonel Hans Landa is shitting in his pants!”

Landa watched with horror as Hirschberg made his entrance in his living room. One of the youngest Basterds had a wicked smirk on his face that would scare anyone who would cross his path.

“Looks like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Near Hirschberg was Omar Ulmer, the soldier who slaughtered so many high-ranked officers during the premiere. The slight burns on his face proved that he survived his encounter with the Grim Reaper... 

“So, Jew Hunter, how does it feel to be trapped? Scary, ain’t cha?”

And as he expected, Aldo Raine appeared in his uniform, an arrogant smile on his lips and his knife at his belt.

“Did ya think we’ll forget? How stupid of you! Remember the last time we met, I gave you a little somethin’...”

Stuttering, Hans tried to negotiate:

“L... Listen: you can’t kill me. I made a deal with your general and I was amnestied!”

“Yeah, right. But, as you can guess, a Basterd’s work is never done. And we want to finish the job once for all!”

The other Basterds approved, with enthusiasm. Hans wanted to cry for help, but he quickly realized that no one would hear him. No one would rescue him tonight.

Resigned, he shrugged and asked:

“So, what do we do, now? If you want to kill me, I beg you to do it quickly!”

Aldo retorted with despise:

“Don’t cha dare thinking we would grant that wish? Oh no: for you, we saved a special treatment. A long and painful one...”

The Apache smirked and added:

“You pretend to be one of the best investigators of Europe, but I’mma pretty sure you did not notice someone is missing. Don’t worry, he’s coming for you...”

At the same time, Hans heard this infamous sound: a baseball bat slamming on the floor as if it was a countdown before his impending death. 

And under the applause of his fellow comrades, Donny Donowitz made his entrance, his bat firmly held. At his moment, Landa believed the “Bear Jew” was, in fact, a Golem sent by his victims to avenge them.

“Ready, Landa?”

The Bostonian accent sounded so scary from Donny’s voice that the Nazi was unable to speak.

“Ya know what? I don’t care... You’re on decks!”

And just before the bat collided with his face, Hans Landa thought that, no matter how hard he would try to erase the past and escape to the justice, the Basterds would have the last laugh on him. And tonight, they will dance on his grave...

Do not hesitate to leave comments and thanks for reviews!💌💌💌

[dukeofonions]

A Lack of Criticism and the Upcoming Video

Putting this under a cut because it gets long.

Something I’ve noticed about the Sanders Sides series is that no one ever seems to criticize the content itself. Whenever a new video is released, it’s immediately showered in praise and adored by the fan base. Especially when it’s been a long break in between content and we’ve all been desperate for a video. We’re caught in the rush of having something new that we immediately latch onto it and this thing has now become the most sacred thing in the fandom.

Now this isn’t always the case, I know some people found Logic vs Passion (I am not typing that monster of an acronym out) to be lower quality. It seemed rushed, the jokes weren’t as funny, no one seemed to really be in character. Which I agreed with the first time around, and it was a shame because it was the first episode to give Logan and Roman the spotlight, and I was so excited for two of my favorite characters to finally get their own episode. Only to not enjoy it as much as I’d wanted to. 

Besides that, other notable criticisms were about Selfishness vs Selflessness which pertained to the questionable lesson that we learned, but this seemed to be intentional on the writers’ part and left the fandom to debate among themselves while we waited for the second part to arrive. Really, the most negativity wrought by that episode was the beginning of the fandom’s “Unsympathetic Patton” debacle. 

Which, didn’t have much to do with the episode itself, as it became more of a fandom thing. 

What I’m getting at is no one ever criticizes the videos directly. The story, dialogue, effects, none of that is ever looked into or critiqued. And as someone who loves to self review movies, books, music, etc. I find this odd because there is a lot of good and bad to be found within the show. In this case, I’d say the good outweighs the bad, and while I enjoy this series a lot, if someone who hadn’t seen it before asked me to describe it this is what I would say: “It’s a bit corny, sometimes the morals can be very on the nose, the humor is kinda cringey and not every joke lands. But overall it’s a good show that has helped me through a lot of things and I love the characters in it. It’s definitely not for everyone, but I would recommend checking it out.”

That is my honest opinion on the series as a whole right there, and if we wanted to go deeper, I have other issues with it as well, which I’ll most likely go into in another post because that’s not what this one is about.

Look, I adore Sanders Sides, but I’d be lying if I said it was flawless. And sometimes, I feel like the fandom is afraid of saying anything negative about the show directly. 

Why?

Because they think if we criticize something Thomas and co. worked so hard on, then we’re not being grateful for the content we’ve received and thus, rendering their hard work to nothing. So instead, we lavish each video with praise and give unconditional support to the creators. Even if the episode was sub par, the majority of the fandom will give it a 10/10 each time just because it’s something Thomas made. 

And I understand why, Thomas is great. He’s someone I look up to and aspire to be like. He’s pretty down to earth and he does his best to include his fan base in everything he does as much as he can. He tries to put out content that everyone can enjoy and gain something from and he’s clearly passionate about what he does, and I respect all that as a fellow creator. 

That being said, criticizing his work isn’t the same as hating on him or any of the team involved making the videos. I know they all work hard, and the evolution of his content and how far he’s come is amazing! The quality of the videos (as far as production and editing go) has greatly improved from the stuff of his early days and he deserves all the support he’s gotten. 

But the fandom seems to be so afraid of having anything negative reach him that they’ll go to drastic measures to make sure any negativity is dealt with and silenced, which in turn makes many others afraid to voice any opinion that differs from the norm, and no one is taking time to stop and think: “Hey, maybe silencing others who don’t agree with us isn’t right and is actually harming people in the fandom.”

This happened recently when Thomas’ newest video “Playing A Video Game Until It’s All You Think About” was released and a few people expressed that they did not think it was that good. 

It felt empty, wasn’t as funny as his other videos, and what most people had an issue with: It was basically a 10 minute advertisement. 

And I agreed with all of these criticisms, and I won’t lie for me part of this came from waiting for the new Sanders Sides, only to get a video that just left me feeling empty at the end. Which usually doesn’t happen after I watch one of Thomas’ videos, I’m never left feeling indifferent or disappointed, but this video was (in my opinion) a serious let down. Especially when there was so much they could have done with it in terms of how they worked the video game into the plot, but that’s a post for another time. 

After people expressed these thoughts, as usual, others were quick to shut the negativity down. Some defended the video while calling out those who had been voicing these things while others simply carried on as usual and showered the video with praise, and not even a day after the video was released, talk about it altogether died out.  So now we’re at a point where the long awaited Sanders Sides is closer than ever to being released, and thus we get to the point of this post: What’s going to happen if this video drops, and it ends up not being the grand masterpiece we’ve all been hyping it up to be?

I keep seeing people (in response to the long wait) saying that this video will be good because it’s taken so long to make. And as we all know, time=quality, right?

Well, not exactly... 

Yes, taking time to work on something can help, but it isn’t what ultimately determines the overall quality of the product. 

There are dozens of factors that go into making something, and time is only one of them. There are Youtubers who produce great content every single day, and some who produce not-so-great content weekly. It all depends on the person(s) working on the content, resources, and time. 

Yes, we’ve been waiting almost 10 months for this video, but does that mean that entire time has been dedicated to this one episode? No! We got other videos in between that time, heck, Thomas didn’t even start filming until after December had passed. Most of the time taken for this video has gone into the animation that will be featured in the video. That’s it. 

If that were to be absent, then I’m pretty sure we would have had this video by now. Not saying they shouldn’t have included the animation, but it’s clear that the wait between videos has become longer since they started adding gimmicks in each episode, and that’s fine if they want to do that! 

I personally don’t think it’s necessary, as the series got along just fine in the beginning with nothing but the dialogue between the characters to carry it, but that’s just my opinion. 

Now, say the video drops, a majority of the fandom loves it, I will most likely love it, but what if despite this, we find this video is not a top tier Sanders Sides video, and it wasn’t what we’d all been hoping for. 

It could be anti-climatic, the jokes may not be as funny, it simply may not live up to the standards that its predecessor, Selfishness vs Selflessness, set before it. 

In my opinion, SVS is one of, if not the best Sanders Sides episode. It had drama, humor, it raised the stakes, Deceit was in it! 

Because of this, it’s only natural that people expect part two to be just as good if not better, but as I’ve noticed with a lot of sequels or “Part Twos” is that sometimes, they just aren’t as good as the original. 

They’re not always bad per se, but they can’t hold a candle to the original, and I believe it’s possible that this could be the case with this next episode. 

And if it is, how will the fandom react?

Well, if we’re lucky this episode will blow any expectations out of the water and will be even better than SVS Part One.

But what’s most likely to happen is that everyone will love it, we’ll start trending on Tumblr, and the fandom will blow up as fan art, theories, edits, and all that comes with it are massed produced by the fandom. 

You know what else could happen? People could be disappointed by the video. It may not live up to everyone’s expectations, and that’s okay.

It should be okay. 

No matter what happens, people should be allowed to feel however they want when this episode does finally drop. If people love it, let them love it. If people don’t like it, then please I beg you...

Let them.

All I’m asking is that we as a fandom, stop policing how people are supposed to feel about content. Obviously, if someone is just being a troll and hating for no reason that isn’t okay. But if that’s the case, just ignore them and move on. 

But if someone has legitimate complaints or critiques, then they should have the freedom to express that without being afraid of receiving backlash from the fandom.  This fandom claims to be the most wholesome, but how can that be when there are people who are afraid of voicing an opinion?  

[cosmiciaria]

Assassin’s Creed Unity Review/honest thoughts/discussion - SPOILERS (long post)

So I decided to finally settle on a proper review – although this one is going to be more of what here in Argentina we call a "sincericidio": basically I will spit my guts out and cry in one corner, while being completely honest about my feelings. I will try to keep most spoilers at bay, like I always do, but there's just one thing I cannot not talk about which is THE spoiler so – I want you to be considered warned.

Before I start, I should state, since this is my review and reviews are quite personal actually, why this game is so important to me and why I wanted to play it so bad. There's a combination of factors, and obviously this game isn't going to strike the same chords with everyone, so bear in mind that this is strictly subjective and, right now, personal.

First factor and I think the most important one: I like writing. Wait, don't leave the review just yet. I like writing and creating characters. I have many. Lately I've been revisiting a character that had a very sad backstory and added quite long happy ending for him. I made him fall in love again. He's black haired, wears a short pony tail… his new love interest is a redhead with wavy hair… ok, you get me now, don't you? And what's worse, is that their story takes place in a fictional world that resembles quite much Europe of 1800's. So clothes and ballrooms and palaces and big, fluffy dresses are a thing in this story of mine. I think that, if you've ever created a character, to find another fictional, similar character in any medium is going to draw your attention to that product right away. It did happen to me with Cal Kestis from SW Jedi: Fallen Order, I have another redhead baby boy that needs to be protected at all costs. It's a way for us to 'see', let's say, or imagine our characters being brought to life.

Second factor: I love Paris. I visited Versailles and Paris back in late 2018, and I went there with zero expectations, only to fall in love with France. I love the Château de Versailles. I love palaces. I love the Seine. I love the Louvre. I love it. All of it. If I could, I'd live there. Sadly, I'm poor and speak little to no French at all.

Third Factor: I'm learning French! I dream with the day I can speak like five languages as well as I speak English (I studied it for ten years so… it kinda makes sense that I feel comfortable with it). I'm still struggling with French, but I will get there someday. I will. Because I love it. I love the language. Oui.

Fourth factor: I also really really, really like the French Revolution, and I've never, much to my surprise, watched or played any series, videogame, movie or anything that takes place in such a context (if you have recommendations, please drop them right away!). And I say "to my surprise" because I really like that part of History! So, to live in almost first person how the French Revolution unfolded – to hear the chansons and to see people gathered in crowds at every corner, listening to a liberty preacher wielding the French flag – that was glorious.

Fifth and yeah we're done: I love Les Misérables. I know it happens way later than the French Revolution, but since this musical (and the 2012 movie) became my 'home', I can't help but feel a stronger connection with everything I said above. I can watch that movie over and over and I will still sing Empty chairs and empty tables with tears in my eyes, despite its flaws.

I had like every reason to play this game. And it paid off.

Before plunging into it, I did read the novelization. Sadly, it was only to satisfy my soon-to-be-fulfilled obsession with the game, since I don't think the quality of the narration was, uhm, that good – it felt like you needed to have played the game before reading it. And I get it, it's a videogame adaptation, that's fine, but when you look at it as standalone book, it doesn't stand alone that good. What disappointed me, though, wasn't the narration, which was what I totally expected it to be, nor the dialogues or the ending – it was Élise. I was bit weary about this because she came across as completely different character than what I had in mind about her, and I didn't like her. At all. In the book, at least. I didn't like her because she had a few comments and took some decisions that made her look like she was stupid and/or selfish. I can understand the selfish part; I do not want to even believe that she's stupid. So that's why the book was a bit of a letdown for me. I recommend it, though, if you're a fan, because there's a book exclusive character that really gets the plot moving and he's endearing: Mr. Weatherall. Oh, what a man.

Now, regarding the game itself – it shouldn't come as a surprise that I thoroughly enjoyed it. As I've stated in another post, this game is barely an Assassin's Creed, since you delve like zero into the AC lore, and it's just an excuse for your character – Arno – to know parkour. Which in fact he knows before becoming an assassin, so it begs the question, why is this game even in this franchise? I digress. It's an AC game at the end of the day and that won't change.

But do not jump into this game expecting it be your average AC story. I firmly believe that the creators wanted to convey a different story here. For starters, Arno is no hero. Arno doesn't want to save the world. Arno doesn't care about any artifact or magic or creed. Arno only wants to discover who's the man behind De La Serre's death. That's his main driving force. And behind that, there's this undeniable and yet quite destructive feeling that pulls him forward: Élise.

Élise and Arno's relationship goes deeper into this story than it's noticeable at first glance. When you look back upon the plot, you discover that without their love 'subplot', there's no plot at all. If I may be so bold, I would even argue that Arno's story is a tragic love story. All the assassin's lore, all the betrayals, the first few assassinations, it all falls back into the background when Élise returns to the stage almost halfway through the game. And even though they only share like one kiss or two during the 40 hours of gameplay, there's still this latent, persistent motivation behind each of Arno's actions, that he wouldn't be doing what he's doing if it wasn't for Élise.

And it all comes down to that one line: What I wanted was you.

I cannot stress enough how much I loved all of the drunkard memory of Versailles. I think it embodies Arno's perfect character development. The constant rain and the bluish filter on every framerate added to the overall depressing atmosphere. I felt miserable while playing those quests, and the moment he steps out into the entrance of the Château de Versailles and reflects on his past decisions – decisions that have been stolen from him, because he could never defend himself nor change the course of actions on his own accord – that exact moment that he sits down and cries, I cried too.

Because all the game, all the memories, all the dialogues go in a crescendo only to crumble into this abyss. And this, in turn, creates a fleshed-out character, with a believable development, believable feelings, believable motivations. I can feel for Arno, I can understand him, I pity him, and I want to hug him. The whole game reaches its peak in its main character's worst moment: when he realizes that he's screwed everything up.

And not always do we get a story where the main character doesn't win. He just doesn't. Underneath its revolutionary streets, this story reeks of inexorability and fatality. You know it, you know it in the back of your head, but you push that thought apart because you want to enjoy jumping over rooftops and finding the best strategy to kill that man. There's this underlying, looming melancholy in every memory that you play in, and that's why the end doesn't surprise us.

It makes us cry, of course, but it didn't come as a surprise at all. If you're shocked about the end, then you haven't been paying enough attention to Élise's dialogues, to the tone of the story, to her letters, to where this plot was going. Because, like I said, the story is about Arno and Élise's relationship, it isn't about defeating the bad guy. And there was only one way that story could end.

*cries in French*

*Je pleure beaucoup*

I know the game has been panned by players for its performance. And being the 2020 year of our lord, I cannot say I reject those allegations, since it's been 6 years since the game was released. I hope enough patches were implemented to salvage the bugs. I only came across one bug in my entire playthrough which bothered me a little: some NPC's would sometimes pop into cutscenes and phase through the characters like nothing. At first it was funny, but then towards the end it happened two more times, in important cutscenes with our lovely couple, which kinda destroyed all immersion, if you know what I mean. The rest was fine: it never crashed on me, I didn't encounter the infamous, horrendous bug that unleashed memes in internet, never a T-pose or something that rendered the game unplayable – nothing, only that funny bug I mentioned. I did see the drop in framerates, specially in very crowded areas – but to be honest I never saw a game with so many NPC's together in the same place, like, hundreds of them, each with unique animations and varied models. I only come from playing Syndicate, and even there the number of NPC's was lower. Here is jarringly unreal, I didn't know the French Revolution was THIS jam-packed with people!

On a graphical department, this 2014 game still holds up. Very well. I think it even looks better in some scenes than some of its successors. The cutscenes were sometimes very cinematographic, with close ups, zoom outs, certain angles, with quite real lighting and shadows. I know it's not Naughty Dog and it doesn't have the whole Sony battalion behind, but damn if some of the character's expressions were really good. It didn't happen often, so when one of them had this very specific face I was like *insert surprised pikachu meme*.

I also enjoyed the music a lot. I don't know why but the one from the main menu stuck with me for a while. All of the songs have this Versailles, aristocratic tone to it which put me in the mood.

I have only one minor complaint and its entirely optional, let's say – I want to platinum this game. But I don't own PS plus, because it's, uhhh, expensive in my country (do not want to indulge in dollar exchange rates right now). And there are like two trophies only obtainable through multiplayer, which renders my trophy hunt useless. But, alas, I knew this before buying the game. I think that games shouldn't come with multiplayer trophies for the platinum. If you have to pay extra for something, it must be completely optional. And so should be the trophies related to it. It's a bit disappointing, though, because after finishing this game I want so bad to return to it, but if I can't platinum, I don't see myself coming back to it soon. Either way, I could still earn the rest of the trophies, but that would only enrage me more when the last 3% is going to be locked forever *cries again*.

All in all, my major question at the end is: why does this game receive so much hate? I guess if I came from a hardcore fan standpoint I could understand it more. If I had played all its predecessors before this one, I would also feel that the gameplay and the objectives are repetitive. That the challenges are bs. But the stealth aspect has been improved, the parkour has been redesigned and adapted, and as of now, bugs aren't a problem anymore. I want to believe that when a remaster for the PS5 comes out or, I don't know, if someone by divine grace has an epiphany in the near future regarding this game, people will change their mind on this one and will appreciate more what it wanted to be, than what they made it to be. After all, this is Arno's story. Arno's tragic love story.

Also this game is beautiful JUST LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT!!! 

Sorry couldn’t help myself

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! - A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 1 

FF.net link - AO3 link 

Beep Beep. beep Beep. Click

8:00 am. Hisoka rolled over in his queen-sized bed, groaning at the interruption of his beauty sleep. Setting an early alarm after editing until 2 am was a horrible idea.

He grabbed his phone from his nightstand and rolls onto his back, following his ritual of checking all his notifications in the morning. The video he had uploaded after editing was well received, many comments about how he should try more looks with purple eyeshadow. About 3 years ago he had started his channel “Bubblegumbitch Makeup” as more of a throwaway joke after someone insulted his makeup on Instagram. However, an audience grew quite quickly, and Hisoka had to admit that he enjoyed the attention and luxury of it all. Making money by sitting in front of a camera and applying Makeup while people tell you how good looking you are is a great ego boost.

Half-heartedly he scrolled through his subscription feed, just to see what his competition was up to, though barely anyone had really uploaded during the night. Amateurs and their 'healthy' sleep schedules. A true influencer knows that an audience never sleeps.

 He disregarded his phone somewhere into the pile of pillows that make up his bed and made his way into the bathroom. His morning showers are more functional than enjoyable, quickly rinsing on whatever spirits of sleep may linger on him.

After that, the Makeup artist applied his usual morning creams, body lotion, towel dries his hair, and threw on a pair of grey low-waist sweats and a comfortable white razor-back shirt. Need. Coffee.

 Hisokas flat was a quaint little thing just outside of Rieti. An open imitation marble kitchen, facing the living room equipped with a black leather couch and wall mounted flat screen TV, opening to a relatively small balcony housing a few plants.

Exiting his bedroom, he grabbed the TV remote and switched unto a random morning news show, just needing background noise while he waits for his coffee to brew.

"And preparations are running wild for the annual Fashion Week in Rome. This year the line-up features many new promising designers from all over the globe. Tune in at 10 for more-"

The fashion week! Hisoka grinned, having nearly forgotten about this important event that he had always followed closely. Though rarely attending himself, he had been requested on multiple occasions as a make-up artist for certain models. But there was something more important connected to that special week. He grabbed his fresh cappuccino and strolled back to his room, fishing his phone from the depths of pillow mountain.

"Hisoka: Gooooood Morning! Roma's Fashion Week is coming up, are you going to stop on by? ~"

It didn’t take long before his phone chimed with the familiar Ping of a private Message.

“Bellissimo <3: I will be going to the Show for 4 days. If it proves convenient, I’d drop by for a short collaboration.”

“Hisoka: I’ll be keeping my bed warm~♥️”

“Bellissimo<3: Gross and unnecessary. I will book a room in my usual hotel in Rome. I’ll drop by for the Collaboration on Monday afternoon, and leave after.”

“Bellissimo<3: I will send you some sample pieces later, please come up with a look for one of them, and don’t just ‘wing it’ like last time.”

Hisoka giggled before disregarding his phone again. Illumi Zoldyck, breakthrough Fashion Designer from England, and eldest son of Zoldyck fashion magazine empire, who often uploaded videos of his artistic process on his channel “I. Zoldyck Fashion”. They had met 2 years ago, at a smaller Paris fashion show, the first one Hisoka ever attended. A model had requested Hisoka as her makeup artist, while Illumi had been working on a dress for her, and the two of them ended up working closely together to properly coordinate colours with each other. And though Illumi expressed great annoyance with Hisoka, they exchanged numbers, and started to make collab videos whenever they fell into the same place. Something about working together with Illumi got Hisokas heart racing. Seeing the camera-shy man get increasingly more frustrated with his antics was a joy that could hardly be topped.

But he didn’t have time to dwell in good memories and spine-tingling anticipation. He had work to do. And so once again he chucked his phone back into the pillow-cave system and made his way into his recording room.

It was a small office space, on one side an office Desk with a Desktop Computer, a couple of small succulent plants framing it, and a comfy black office chair. On the other side a set-up to record videos, with a white-pink gradient wall, a stainless white desk with a small mirror standing on it, and a less-comfy stool to sit on. In a smooth motion, Hisoka downed the rest of his coffee, set the cup aside, and started the camera. The night before he had laid out everything for his next video, a review for a new eyeshadow palette released by another Beauty Youtuber, still trying to get into the game. How Cute.

Hisoka clapped his hands together, putting on his best camera smile. “Hey, Scum! ~ Today I have a very special treat for you all. I got my hands on the new Togari Palette ‘Hunting for Your Dreams’, his first release.” He held up the shimmering silver case and opened it up for the camera to reveal 6 eyeshadows in various shades of orange and red. About half an hour and a couple try hard glamour shots later, Hisoka dropped the Palette with a grin, staring directly into the Camera. In addition to his signature Star and Teardrop under his eyes, he had attempted to imitate a flame-inspired eyeshadow look. “Well, this has been an absolute disaster. I feel like I’m losing clumps of eyeshadow every time I blink, and it feels sandy and irritating on my skin. But you have got to give it to Togari: I have never seen a Palette that features colours that are eye-biting and yet completely bland before. Though the surprise gift of a long, brown hair inside the sealed Palette wasn’t for me. But you know, if you see these Palettes in your local bargain bin, I’d say go for it.” He gave a cheeky wink, before rattling off his usual goodbyes, like and subscribe, yadda yadda.

Click.

Hisoka took the camera and set it by his computer. Before he could even think about editing, he must wipe away whatever the hell was in that shabby palette. Of course it wasn’t the worst make-up he had ever worn; it probably wouldn’t even make it in the bottom 10, he wasn’t here to make friends and spoon-feed his competition compliments. If a creator dares to churn out a subpar product, they have to deal with the consequences.

After practically subjecting himself to water torture via make-up remover towels, the man grabbed another whiteclaw from the fridge, and settled into his office chair. Digging through business emails was a boring, repetitive task, deleting promo-email after promo-email, practically begging him to promote some skin-care vitamins or boring phone app. Clicking the nails of his free hand against his desk, he tapped away at the delete button in a rhythm only known to him.

Finally reaching the bottom of his inbox, he switched to his private Inbox with a satisfied smile, an expected email already waiting for him. “From: I. Zoldyck: Roma Fashion Week Promos”.  To my private Email, dear Illumi? How shockingly Intimate~ Hisoka mocked in his head while opening the mail.  

“Hisoka.

Attached are 3 Designs I plan to show off at the show. Chose one for the collaboration and let me know in time.

Sincerely,

Illumi Zoldyck.”

Under his signature, 3 files were lined up, boringly titled “Design Roma 1/2/3”. Hisoka opened the first file and is greeted by a 2-piece suit with a light pink base colour, and blue-green flower highlights that frame the pockets and seams of the jacket, and the belt of the pants. Not bad, not bad.

The second file contained another 2-piece suit, this time with a black base colour, and a repeating roman-vase pattern in eye-catching blues, pinks, and oranges. Lovely pattern, and what a revealing jacket cut~. He was sure he had found his favourite, already planning a matching make-up look. But it wouldn’t hurt looking at the last design for pity, right?

Hisoka audibly gasped in a mixture of shock and flattery and laid a hand over his heart to complete the star performance. Staring back at him was a beautiful white-jeans design, patterned with colourful card-suits dotting the jacket and pants. The pattern was ever so slightly washed out, faking a vintage look. This is it. Mine. His heart was beating through his chest, and for the first time in a while he was truly speechless.

He had 3 more weeks until the show, but his mind was already bursting with inspiration, and when he later laid in bed, he couldn’t contain his grin as he texted.

“Hisoka: You already know which one im choosing~♥️♥️♥️”

 --------------------------------------------

Gon had been streaming for a good hour or so, talking excitedly to his chat about the new Season of Fortnite, admiring new skins that he was definitely going to try and get. Every new pass just meant a new challenge for him to prove himself, and it was undeniable that it was satisfying to work and game hard to get what he wanted. Just as he was about to ask chat if he should go another row, or change games for the night, a discord message drew his attention away.

“Kil: Yo, wanna team up? :p”

Filled with even more excitement, Gon returned his attention back to his stream. “Everyone, today we are going to feature a special guest!”

[saintstrawberry]

When the Night is Over/Just What I Needed

Second Chapter is up!

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733207/chapters/68086045#workskin

Ships:

bokuaka, kuroken, kagehina, daisuga, daiaka, iwaoi

Description:

A surprise visit, mariokart, and Oikawa. Malibu also makes an appearance (Or multiple).

Notes: Akaashi has a bad memory. Relatable content.

Songs I recommend for this chap are Dionysus by the Buttertones, Best Interest by Tyler the Creator (for Kuroo), and Shampoo Bottles by Peach Pit for the ending. I promise Bokuto will show up in the next chap! >.<

I also make a reference to Natsume Ono because she smacks! Read her manga Not Simple; it is fantastic!

Thank you for reading!

—————

Shampoo Bottles

It’s Saturday, something Akaashi doesn’t realize until he is flying halfway out his front door and huffing a breath at his phone screen’s mocking display: 6:30 AM, Saturday, June 14th. Exactly a week before Hinata’s birthday.

He blinks and remembers the night before, when he was nursing a red wine and a deadline for his “Ono Natsume: Shouting for the Voiceless” article. He remembers, vaguely, submitting the piece at 11:50 and dropping his head right there on his cheap Ikea desk, exhausted.

Presently, he’s nodding awkwardly at his neighbor (leaving the complex to work out, no less) and trying to make it look, somehow, like he meant to open his front door only to close it seconds later.

Toeing off his work shoes and entirely caught off guard by the idea of a day off, Akaashi retreats to his bed. He passes out almost as soon as his foggy head hits the pillow, dreaming of nothing. The next time he opens his eyes, his breath and body still completely.

“Mornin’, sleeping beauty! It’s ten, I’m surprised you slept so long!”

“Kuroo-san, why are you in my apartment?”

The offender offers no answer but grins brilliantly, gold irises level with Akaashi’s blue-green.

“And just how long have you been here anyway?” Kuroo ignores him again, instead choosing to stand from his squatting position. His hands at his hips, Kuroo wears a white oversized Bouncing Ball hoodie and black skinny jeans. Much to Akaashi’s discomfort, he still has his shoes on- red and white high top sneakers with the laces tucked in. As always, the guy’s flawlessly disheveled, silver jewelry glinting from his ears and neck.

Akaashi groans and plants his face in his pillow. It’s too early for the young, beautiful, and rich.

Kuroo, unsurprisingly, doesn’t yield Akaashi’s thoughts and scoffs once. He moves to draw open the curtains in his room. Keiji can’t help but grimace as he feels his skin bathed in hot summer light.

“Man. You should really dust your windowsills. Do you even ever open these things?! You’re not some bat, ‘Kaashi. You need fresh air.”

“I think bats need air too,” Akaashi mumbles into the pillow.

Kuroo waves a dismissive hand and turns to survey him, arms folded across a broad chest. Keiji reluctantly turns his head to address his stare, squinting without the aid of his glasses or contacts. Kuroo’s bedhead is seemingly even worse today- probably from whatever plane he just hopped out of. The latter smirks devilishly.

“Well. Are you gonna welcome me back or what?”

“So you didn’t expect to land in Tokyo until Thursday?” Akaashi asks this of Kuroo about 45 minutes after his intrusion into the writer’s apartment. The pair are getting brunch in some needlessly swanky rooftop restaurant, one where Kuroo insisted he wouldn’t get recognized. Akaashi raised his eyebrows at that- his friend had stuffed his signature messy locks into one of Akaashi’s ratty baseball caps and donned aviators the moment they got outside.

No matter to him, anyway. Akaashi got fancy champagne out of the deal.

“Sure didn’t. Management canceled the show in Singapore last minute. Something about the venue. Fuck if I know,” Kuroo explains almost incoherently through colossal bites of egg.

“What matters is nobody got hurt. We refunded tickets and rescheduled the gig. S’all good. I’m just happy to be back home with my buddy!” Kuroo reaches over to slap Akaashi on the back with a friendly grin.

He’s sputtering over his mimosa when Kuroo continues, “Can’t wait to surprise Kenma tonight, either. Can you imagine his face?"

“Yeah, actually, I can,” Akaashi slouches his shoulders forward in his chair with an uninterested expression and quirks up an eyebrow ever so slightly, impersonating his best friend.

“Hey, that was pretty good! Though I guess it’s not that hard for you. You’re both pretty stoic. Like Easter Island Heads.”

Akaashi swats at him half-heartedly. Kuroo laughs.

“Anyway, you’re lucky I didn’t call him immediately this morning- or the police for that matter,” Akaashi says matter of factly. Kuroo clutches at his heart dramatically.

“Akaashi-kun. You wound me. I am the furthest from a criminal.”

Akaashi huffs a laugh.

“Tell the Osaka police force that.”

“Hey! What, a guy can’t take a piss anymore?”

“Not, apparently, from the top of the Umeda Sky Building-”

“To be fair, I didn’t know the police officer was right there,” Kuroo interjects.

“-After downing half a bottle of Malibu with Oikawa. And you were 17. You were lucky you didn’t get charged with public indecency.”

Kuroo pouts but offers no petition.

“Guilty as charged, I suppose. Hey, speaking of police officers-”

Akaashi clears his throat and interrupts, “Speaking of drinking, how was Singapore?”

Kuroo takes the hint and stretches back in his chair, raising his third bloody mary to his lips.

“Didn’t get much time there, only about four days before I got the call about the cancellation. Flew straight here after the news.”

Straight to Kenma, Akaashi supplies mentally, grinning fondly at his friends’ relationship.

“Anyway, it was pretty mild, all things considered. Bokuto seemed to like the clubbing scene more than I did. Matter of fact, he’s staying there ‘til the next concert.”

“Bokuto?” Akaashi says, cutting into his eggs and watching the yolk spill onto his fork.

Kuroo, now onto his nearly 2,500 yen crepe, takes a break from his meal to look up at him with a puzzled stare.

“My tourmate? Bokuto Koutarou? X. Ace?”

Akaashi meets his eyes blankly.

“I guess it makes sense his stage name doesn’t ring a bell, but I’m surprised you don’t know about the guy’s v-ball career.”

The blue-eyed 24 year old drops his gaze to the napkin in his lap.

“Sorry, sorry. Touchy topic.”

Pain-in-the-ass-Kuroo-san.

“Anyway, you should really check out some of his matches with the Panthers.”

“He was signed with the Panthers?” Akaashi sputters, clapping his mouth shut immediately after.

Kuroo cackles.

“Don’t give yourself a heart attack, Akaashi. It’s okay to be impressed- it’s impressive. He’s crazy. You’ll be meeting him soon.”

Akaashi only hums in response.

"You're coming to the show, right?"

Akaashi hums again.

"Big talker today, huh, Keiji?"

"Bah."

“Right. So.. you baited yourself a hook yet?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“You know. After Daichi,” Kuroo tries again.

No, he really hasn’t.

Akaashi downs the rest of his drink. He peers into his empty glass in response.

“Haven’t thought about it really. He said it himself- I don’t have the time.”

“Oh, Keiji. Nevermind him.”

“Don’t sigh like that. Did you fly all the way from China to pity me?”

The rapper shakes his head, “No, I didn’t. I just want you to-”

“Be as happy as you are with Kenma,” Keiji finishes.

Kuroo gives a gentle smile, “Can you blame me?”

“God. You two are worse than the shoujo manga I have to review.”

“But twice as fun.”

“Shut up and eat your crepe.”

Kuroo happily complies, “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“I’m glad you’re home, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi remarks. And he is. Even with his busy lifestyle as a chart-topping artist, Kuroo somehow manages to draw Kenma and Akaashi out of the house.

Kuroo and Kenma are both relatively new to their fame- about three years out from Kuroo’s first breakthrough hit and four since Kenma first started his Bouncing Ball Youtube channel- but their fans are… dedicated. Akaashi often marvels at how even Kenma takes it in stride. He's entertaining to watch and a seasoned video game expert. And Kuroo... Akaashi looks to the man and the ketchup stain on his lip.

"What?"

Well, they both deserve their good fortune.

"Nothing, nothing."

He has interviewed them each multiple times for the journal. The good thing about his friends’ famous status is that Akaashi gets to profit from it as well. He tells Kuroo as much and the latter almost chokes on his stupidly expensive breakfast laughing. Even Akaashi cracks a small grin.

“I told that was him!” The writer hears two girlish voices behind him, talking in excited whispers.

“E-Excuse me, K-Kuroo-san?”

The rapper breaks out in a large grin and stands, bowing formally at the pair.

“Yes? Hello, ladies. Are you two fans of mine?”

“Yes!! Very much so! I loved your new song!” The girl, about 17 with dark lashes and fire red hair, praises politely.

“Would, would you mind taking a picture with us!?” The other chirps.

“Not at all! Akaashi, my pal, would you be a dear and snap some shots?” It takes everything for Akaashi not to roll his eyes.

“But of course.”

--------------------

This is how Akaashi comes to search up the 2018 Panthers roster on his phone’s Google. He gives up his sleuthing when he realizes he doesn’t remember the guy’s name or know what he looks like.

He forgets about the whole thing until later that night, at Kenma’s celebration party for 5 million followers. It’s small, of course, about ten of them drinking champagne and playing drinking games. Akaashi knows Hinata did all the planning anyway, despite the event being at Kenma’s. The trio is standing off to the side when Akaashi pulls out his phone briefly to check the time.

Kuroo should be here any minute, he thinks. Hinata peers too, instinctually curious.

“Hey! Whatcha looking up the Panthers for? That’s not the latest roster, you know! Ooh, you’re looking up X-Ace, right?! Seeeeee, I knew you’d like him!”

Akaashi looks down at the picture Hinata points to. The guy’s sturdy and smug with one thick eyebrow raised. His chest is broad and his eyes are perfectly golden. The first thing Akaashi notices, however, is his hair. Absolutely ridiculous, he thinks. Makes sense that this guy’s Hinata’s idol.

Kenma raises his eyebrows.

“What made you do that?” he asks.

“Oh, uh, just...curious.”

Kenma looks like he’s about to say more when Oikawa joins their group with a boisterous, “Pudding Head! Congratsssss!” He pinches the smaller’s cheeks, who just about hisses in response.

Akaashi, grateful for Oikawa’s interruption, takes another quick glance at… X-Ace, and pockets his phone.

Hinata grins wide when Tooru, seemingly already a bit tipsy, ruffles his hair.

“Thanks, Oikawa-san," Kenma begrudgingly replies.

“You know, Kuroo is-”

Akaashi, ever vigilant, cuts in immediately, “-is so happy for you, Ken.”

Oikawa seems to get the hint, his eyes widening in realization.

“He sure is! Want some more alcohol?” The chestnut-haired friend of Kuroo’s quickly shoves his bottle of strawberry rum in Kenma’s face.

“You know I hate your sticky Malibu. Why are you guys acting all weird?”

Hinata, completely oblivious to the unspoken diaogue between Akaashi and Oikawa, tugs Kenma’s shirt.

“Kenma, Kenma! We should stream!!”

“Hey, that’s not too bad an idea, Shoyo,” Akaashi adds, if just to distract him.

“Sure, we could play some Mario-Kart. My fans seem to like you guys. Just don’t do anything stupid, Tooru.”

“Who, me?! And when do I-” Oikawa starts dramatically. The rest of the men send him a collective stare which answers his question before he can even finish it. He crosses his arms with a huff.

“Whatever. I call Princess Peach.”

--------------

After Kenma finishes setting up the Livestream and the small group has gained over a couple thousand viewers, Akaashi is in dead last as Blooper. Well, almost dead last, expect for...

“How am I losing? No fair, Kozume!” Oikawa whines.

“Me? What did I do?” Kenma-san replies, uninterested. Unsurprisingly, the Youtuber is in first place with his signature Toad.

“I don’t know, your fancy settings or something. Iwa-chan! Back me up, here!”

“It’s ‘cause you suck, Trashy-kawa,” Iwaizumi-san, whom the quartet bribed into playing with agedashi dofu, doesn’t hesitate to retaliate. His player, Bowser, is in second, with Hinata close behind as Yoshi.

“Take that, Hajime-san! Oh, shoot, sorry, Akaashi-san!” Hinata shouts, rising from his seat as he hurls a red shell, accidentally hitting Keiji.

“Hinata, language!” Kuroo’s smooth voice floods the apartment in mock disapproval. Kenma whips his head so fast he drops his controller. The blonde doesn’t say anything but slowly rises to his feet, then breaks into a short run at the sight of his boyfriend. The former picks up Kenma effortlessly and twirls him in a tight embrace. Akaashi looks on fondly.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata exclaims, jumping up excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Tetsuro’s home. I’m about to kick all of your asses!” Oikawa waves away his entrance, sticking out his tongue. Iwaizumi slaps him on the back of the head.

The stream chat has exploded at the sound of Kuroo.

bb-corp: is that Kuroo???

applephi: NO WAY djwhdnbwibdfwq

yoyotetsuro: couple goals

kurokenxx: will anyone ever love me like Kuroo loves Kenma?

keeeeenmaaa_: I think this is the first time BouncingBall’s lost at Mariokart

----------

A little tired and a lot tipsy, Akaashi insists on taking a cab home. It doesn't feel right to invade Kenma's when the Kuroo's home. Keiji could tell the pair... needed their space for the night. He splits the ride with Hinata, who talks his ear off the whole way about Kuroo's arrival and how badly he wishes he had the money to go to a concert. Akaashi smirks at that, just a little. Shoyo exits the vehicle with an enthusiastic, "Bye, 'Kaashi-san!! I'll see you soon! Maybe I'll come to the store, or, or, you can come to see me and Tobio-chan! He didn't come out tonight because he has a game tomorrow, but-" The rest of his goodbye is drowned out by him closing the door.

"I apologize for the noise," Keiji addresses the driver. She makes a noise of recognition and drops him off 15 minutes later. He thinks about his conversation with Kuroo about "baiting his hook" as he enters his living room, dropping his keys unceremoniously on the floor next to his door. What does that even mean? Akaashi doesn't exactly meet a lot of people with his work and his friends are all, well, with each other. He's happy for them and all, but sometimes being around so many couples gets a bit nauseating. Akaashi is struck with a small wave of loneliness when he waters his small bamboo plant, made worse by the two shots of Malibu Oikawa shoved down his throat. This is all I have to come home to, a fucking bamboo plant. Akaashi stares at its braided stalks with a vengeance. Not a second later, he pets the leaves in apology. I shouldn't take this out on the plant.

He's always been relatively independent, but having someone felt kind of... nice, for a change. It's been almost a year since Daichi left, and probably 6 months since he and Suga got together. It's one of those things that Akaashi didn't process for awhile, forcing him to fend for himself when the realization came to knock him on his ass months down the line. He's been confronting turned over picture frames and empty sheets ever since.

And so it goes.

He pads over to his bed with a sigh and for the second time today, falls asleep and dreams of nothing.

[adultswim2021]

Home Movies #43: “Everyone's Entitled To My Opinion” | November 11, 2003 - 3:00 AM | S04E01

Home Movies is BACK! Sort of! This was actually a stealth premiere, airing on Tuesday morning at 3:00AM. This is the one where Brendon starts getting really into writing reviews for a movie review website and actually winds up getting paid for it. He’s like Lights Camera Jackson with teeth (Did LCJ have teeth in 2003? probably not). Meanwhile, Mr. Lynch is the interim principal of the school for some reason, and McGurk uses this to be bad. And thaaaat’s the frea-kin’ plooooot!!! 

I think most fans remember Home Movies season 4 as the season where the show got a little soft. In my estimation that’s probably true; season 4 does have a larger share of forgettable episodes. Also my least favorite episode is from this season. It’s the only episode of Home Movies I truly dislike, actually. We’ll get to that one eventually. This episode was pretty wonderful, though you can sense the show focusing on being a little more scripted.

Two moments stick out: A scene beginning in science class starts off with the teacher saying “wow, I didn’t expect to spend the first 25 minutes of class answering a single question!” and it cuts to Brendon looking satisfied, holding a book titled “THE WORLD’S HARDEST QUESTIONS”, and a part where Mr. Lynch does monkey bars and all of his stuff falls out of his pockets and you hear him sighing and grunting. Both of these moments seem to have scripted out the actual action happening on screen, where earlier seasons might’ve just created a largely audio-driven story, leaving all that stuff up to the animators. But those two gags seem very written in a way that would make famous rapist John K. furious.

Now, that isn’t to say that they completely abandoned letting the animators be creative. The commentary reveals that the kids’ movie wasn’t written or recorded with the idea of it being a Sopranos homage in mind. That was the work of the animators. I don’t know, maybe it’s nitpicky or a more shallow observation than I’m making it out to be. Like the monkey bars gag struck me as a gag that would be put in by the animators as an afterthought but the fact that Mr. Lynch has dialogue to support it made me think it wasn’t. What’s the fucking difference, anyway? That they put more work into the script? Big deal. This is apparently an annoyance to the creators of the show, who’ve heard this criticism over and over, and maintain that the ratio of scripting/improvising has remained pretty consistent while the show was on Adult Swim. Nonetheless, I noticed a difference. And I have to talk about SOMETHING on this blog, don’t I?

This write-up deserves to end on a less critical note: the opening scene on this one is one of my favorites. It’s the one where Brendon and Melissa are just laying in the grass talking and there’s a reveal that they’re in the middle of a game. McGurk comes over to yell at them and then winds up sitting down himself to shoot the breeze with them. Real wonderful.

MAIL BAG

Here’s the mail bag. First message is about yesterday’s Brak Show recap (which was probably bad because I forgot to do my customary editing session before it went to press):

Before you tread any further with this project, I BEG you, please watch the documentary The Problem With Sexy New Brak Show Go. It will open your eyes AND make you think for once in your (*looking up an adult swim show*) Momma Named Me Sherrif-addled life

How dare you, I’ve never watched Momma Named Me Sherrif, and I’m disgusted that there was a spin-off of Mr. Pickles (RIP Jay Johnston, who I think was in that). As for the doc, if it’s half as good as The Problem With Apu, then it’s bad

2003 Scharpling voice is freaking me out!

I used to go through Best Show archives pretty regularly, but it’s been a while. Weird to think we’re coming up on the 20th anniversary of the first Best Show. I remember when ten years seemed extreme. Mortality is nasty.

Parts of Broodwich are inspired by Don Hertzfeldt. I thought a fan of classic animation would be pressed to point that out but you must be spending too much time thinking about "the twinkies" to mess that up.

I never made this connection, damn. To be honest the first time I saw Rejected I really didn’t care for it. I’ve seen more of his work and I appreciate it a lot more. I don’t know what I was so mad about. I think as a young adult I was still hyper sensitive about what I perceived to be bad “random” comedy, and almost anything that was a quick succession of little gags would always come off that way to me. Also, fuck you. I don’t care about Tiger and the Twinkies.

Would you eat a haunted hamburger provided it had your choice of toppings (nothing). Or would you be too chicken?

I am addicted to hamburgers and would probably eat it. My soul would burn in hell’s eternal flame. But what else is new

How much of the Adult Swim cast could John Wick and Bob Odenkirk kill before they were stopped? Would it be Space Ghost with his powerful rays? Would it be Frylock with his mindbending magic? Thundercleese? Oh! Do tell! We really want to know (rolleyes).

NOTE: I misread this as John Wick Bob Odenkirk, taking “John Wick” to be a descriptor for Bob’s Nobody persona. The following answer has not been changed, because I don’t want to think of a new one:

In Bob’s current state (recuperating like a bitch), I don’t think he’d get past even FREAKING MEATWAD, lol. But it’s my sincere hope that he’d last long enough to face off against the big boss: Icelandic Ultra Blue’s David Cross, finally putting an end to him once and for all. Hey everyone, it’s Bob vs. David!

[soyouareandrewdobson]

The biggest post yet: Analyzing a multipage story

Before I begin, I like to thank every follower so far and the ones who helped me over the course of the last weeks to build this tumblr up. This is for you and in a way the first test run for future, hopefully more elaborate reviews of Dobson’s comics. Hope you enjoy it and learn something.

Without further ado, ladys, gentlemen and the colorful rianbow inbetween, I present the unpublished “So you are a cartoonist?” story about the King of Queens trying to become a comic artist

Okay, this is not quite right. What is going to happen is as followed:

A few years ago Dobson released via his patreon the unpublished sketches of a multipage comic story about the struggles of a webcomic artist by the name of Kevin James, with no relation to the famous comedian who as of recently is also playing a neo nazi in a supposedly pretty damn good home invasion movie.

What I want to do is now go through this comic and point out some of the flaws in the writing/progression, okay? Cause honestly, this is not going to be the worst thing Dobson ever published. But it unfortunately has more than a few little hiccups that show Dobson’s flaws when it comes to creating a story.

So off to the next pages

Now as you can see, it is pretty obvious that the story is heading into a direction where Kevin seems to be a down on his luck creator. Having to work at the blandest named Burger Joint since Good Burger, with discount Doctor Wily as his manager and getting pretty little money into his account. Seriously, only 206 $ plus? I don’t know much about minimum wage in the states, but are you really getting that little even after taxes have been accounted for? Or is it likely Kevin is pretty deep into the reds and his deposit was even putting it into the plus again. If so… yaiks.

And now we are getting into the pages where a few slight problems may show up, depending on your own interpretation of things.

 See, in my opinion it is obvious that we are meant to feel sorry for Kevin, cause he lost his minimum wage job now for simply being late. Something that can happen to all of us. And yeah, losing your job when you have not really much in the bank, that sucks. So I would wish for the character to get at least a new job soon. However, we also need to acknowledge that the manager is not in the wrong here. After all, Kevin supposedly has shown up late for work for some time and his excuse that he was late because he had to work on his comic is not reasonable. For a lack of a better word, making this comic is just his hobby, not his job. His job is to make burgers and sell them, because the manager of the burger joint is paying him for that. So excuse me if my sympathy is not that much with him

Not really much to say here. I just want to point out two things: One, the countdown that showed up also in previous pages and goes further down the longer we get into the story, two that it actually may be a good thing that Dobson has not drawn the copy shop employee in more detail. Cause one thing I came to realize over time with Dobson is, that often times his sketches have more of a softness to them than the final product, where e.g. faces are more harsher and frankly, uglier than they need to be, in addition to being a bit oversaturated thanks to the colors. And with Dobson’s tendency to make also angry faces genuinely spiteful, I wonder if the copy shop owner would have come off in the final product as more “strawman mean” than necessary. Cause it is very obvious that “poor Kevin” seems to suffer from the indifferences of his environment.

 One month since he was fired and one more month till we are in the present and he loses his electricity cause he has not paid his bills. And this is where I slightly start to lose my sympathy with the character. Again, it is obvious that the story wants us to feel bad for Kevin because he is down on his luck although all he wants to do is just create his comic.

But at the same time, only halfway through the comic I have to ask, how much of his shitty situation is not just him doing nothing against it?

I mean, he has obvious money issues, he can’t pay the electricity bill and he has been fired a month ago. Shouldn’t he at this point not have attempted yet to get a replacement job? Or ask for unemployment support? Do commission work for fans in exchange for money?

I am just saying, his woes become a bit less relatable if he does not really attempt to at least try and fix the situation.

And unfortunately, this development continues still

 Gesh, this comic is really old when Kevin still owns a flip phone…

Also, I need to give his mom credit. 500$ send to her son so that he can pay his debts off and live well enough for a few days. Sorry, but 500$ is actually enough for me to live for a month and pay my groceries and major bills if I am careful enough. Lets hope Kevin is the same and that he looks out for a job

 … nope, he does not look for a job. Two weeks after he got the money he still does not have a job to support himself and assure he has a roof over his head. In fact, he likely loses more money than he necessarily needs to by going to a diner.

Look, unlike other characters created by Dobson, I really do not hate Kevin. Primarily because he does not show any of the despicable or idiotic traits other characters by him do. But Kevin is not doing anything to improve his situation, period. And that is not really how you should write “down on their luck” characters, cause that doesn’t really make them sympathetic. The sympathy a reader gives those characters stems primarily from the fact, that though they really try their best, fate is not working into their favor for different reasons beyond their control. But here the problem is, that Kevin has to a certain degree control over his situation. He can decide what he wants to do with the money, he can decide to either do or not do anything to improve his situation at least slightly. And he doesn’t do anything.  

Dear lord, Kevin is essentially Dobson when it comes to the laters overall situation and how he does little to improve anything when he is stuck.

Then there is also the entire thing about the waitress calling Kevin’s work amazing. For starters, I kinda doubt that that in our modern day society and work environment her acting like that in front of a customer, even if the customer does not mind, would fly with her employer. After all, professionalism and all that. Next, her praise feels shallow. The typical cardboard speech praise checkmark lines you can give to any piece of work, that don’t really mean anything if you do not elaborate on what it really is you find amazing about the characters in terms of personality or what it is about the story that hits home (e.g. can you realte to the characters, are you genuinely thinking the story is funny etc)

In fact, what even is Kevin’s comic?

 I get that his work is not the center stage of this story, but think about it: we are supposed to think that Kevin is talented and that he needs his lucky break. But would his work even justify success and admiration? All we know is that the comic features a character called Kat (not really an original name) who for a lack of a better word and based on the sketch outline may just be the bastard offspring of Bubsy and Talus from Alex ze Pirate. And that is it. For all I know, and taking for shit and giggles a made up meta narrative into account, his work may actually be on the same level as Alex ze Pirate itself. And if that is the case, let me just fill out an application as janitor for Kevin right now. If he is lucky he can make around 1000 dollars a month soon.

 This right here is actually a prime example of a common problem in Dobson’s longer story: Him breaking the old rule of “show, don’t tell”. The narrative tells us e.g. via the words of the waitress and the fact he has fans, that Kevin is a good cartoonist. But we do not see it for ourselves. And I am not suggesting here Dobson should draw 20 additional pages of Kevin’s creations and comics, because that would be freaking overkill. But imagine if this comic started off with the first page being part of a a very fantastic fight scene or story. Something rich in color and characters. Only for it to be revealed in the next page to be actually NOT the story we are supposed to read, but something Kevin creates right now. By doing so Dobson could not only show for the actual main story that Kevin is justified in having success, Dobson could have also shown for himself how he can be imaginative. How he can toy with tropes and expectations, while also creating something “new” out of nowhere just for fun. But that is not what we got. And all we have now are four more pages.

 Again, ONE MORE WEEK passed and he still did not get a job. And in fact, he is also overdue on his rent and wants to ask his mother AGAIN for money.

Dude… I am all out of sympathy. Sell your freaking kidney for all I care, offer your landlord oral sex or that you are going to do work around the house for him, just try to do something except beg mother to help you out again. Especially as she has already send you 500 dollar. What have you done with that money anyway? Did most of it get spend on your electric bill? If so, how huge was it? And did you fail to pay rent for a couple of months now that even your landlord is having enough? I ask the later in part because I genuinely do not know how fast a landlord can vacate you in the US. See, where I live you can get vacated too when you don’t pay up, but most landlords are by law forced to at least let you stay for a few more weeks till you either find a way to pay up or another place to live. Forceful removal of a tenant can mostly only happen if the person causes severe damage to the apartment or is facing criminal charges.

 So NOW you are looking for a job. Good luck getting 700 dollars in three days though. I can’t imagine that even if you get hired, that anyone will pay up that amount of money upfront to help you. Again, do you have no other options, Kevin? Also, for how long was that sign up there? How often have you gone by that diner? Also dear lord, the waitress really is not the smartest if she thinks being a webcomic artist pays all the bills

 So if the manager has already found someone, even if it was “just” now, why was the “now hiring” sign even still in the window? And he assumes there are even more bills? Kevin… do you have a genuine problem when it comes to handling finances? Would you do better, if you only get an allowance? Just one more page. And with it my biggest complains

And so our comic ends with all the build up of how down on his luck Kevin is, being essentially pointless, because at the end of the day he is still lucky and all his problems get resolved not by his own doing but by deus ex machina.

Okay, this is not entirely accurate.

After all, Kevin DID create this comic. He wrote it, he drew it, he send the script to multiple publishers, he got rejected multiple times and now he is also going to finally get recognition for it all. You can say he worked to get his foot into the industry. The problem is, that none of that work is really shown in the story presented to us. We do not see him work on the script, potentially rewrite or fix up mistakes, get the impression that even with the bad situation he is in, he still wants at the very least this passion project to succeed. All we know is he worked on something and now because it is convenient for the story, his misfortune is going to end and he gets a happy end that is way too convenient for my taste.

Look, I know nothing about how publishers work. If someone reads this and has genuine experience in how publishers approach you if they are interested in your work and how much money you can really make through it, you are free to tell me what you know or have experienced directly or indirectly. Cause frankly, I find it hard to believe that any publisher would immediately do the thing Kevin now experiences here. First off, why would they not attempt to call him or get into a more convenient contact with him than the mail? Second, advanced payment? Shouldn’t you at least try to handle out basic deals before you send him a paycheck over?

I get it is supposed to be a happy end for Kevin here, but honestly, with the way how even if people are getting published, success may not be immediate or not to a degree Dobson actually hopes for. Sorry, but I am also just jaded enough as a person to know that even otherwise acclaimed work does take time to really hit a certain level of popularity. Luke Pearson e.g., wrote and drew the first volume of the comic series Hilda in 2010, just a few months after he finished college. The comic was a success and resulted in him publishing up to four more books till 2016. But only with his comic being adapted into a Netflix series in 2018 did he also get recognition outside of Great Britain, from which he is likely going to make enough money to have a comfortable life for the next couple of years. Mind you, I said comfortable, not “luxurious”. Cause this is actually one thing I fear with Dobson to a degree: That he thinks that being a successful comic creator equals also becoming stinking rich. Cause as far as I know, this is not really the case for many comic creators around the world. But I digress.

This post is not about the potential delusions of Dobson when it comes to how much of a fortune he could make through a successful publication, this post is about judging a SYAC story that got never published.

And frankly, the story of Kevin James… I don’t hate it. Honestly, I think there is potential for a decent, even longer story about a webcomic artist trying to get his big break. The problem is, this is not a story about the challenges Kevin faces in creating his comic. This is not the story about someone being determined to get his work out, even if he struggles in real life. This is not the story of someone facing and dealing with his real life struggles in a mature way, making the happy end all the more feel rightfully earned. This is a story where honestly there would be no drama at all (or at least less drama), if Kevin even attempted to do something halfway logical most other people in real life would do, if they found themselves in his situation (like looking for a job, trying to work commissions etc.) . And a drama where the dramatic event would not happen if some basic logic even a kid can think off would be applied, is at least for me not really a drama.

So yeah, it is not the worst thing by Dobson, but it is very flawed to say the least.

[simul16]

Low Effort in Their Own Way

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Leo Tolstoy, "Anna Karenina"

I've been watching a fair amount of D&D content on YouTube of late, for varying reasons, and if I may paraphrase Tolstoy's famous quote above, I've learned that all good D&D channels make high-effort content, while each bad D&D channel makes low-effort content in its own way.

Low-effort content tends to be:

Content that is or can be created quickly; it doesn't require a lot of prep time (and the presentation usually allows this limited prep time to show)

Content that copies current trends; while a certain amount of response to significant events in the gaming world is to be expected, low-effort channels regularly feature content that basically boils down to 'here's my reaction to whatever rumor or scandal is currently being talked about among the community'

Content that does not spark or contribute to a discussion; when such channels go beyond simply recapitulating a recent event, they frequently spend very little time explaining their own reaction and seldom spend any time at all explaining or exploring contrary opinions except to make jokes or elicit emotional reactions from an over-simplified or straw-man version of the contrary opinion

Now let's start off by saying that I'm not knocking low-effort content per se; anybody who knows anything about online marketing can tell you that low-effort content has a role to play in any marketing strategy. Ideally, though, your low-effort content, the stuff that you can get out the door quickly and easily and get in front of your potential customers, exists to guide those customers to your higher-quality content that convinces them to buy your product, order your service, or otherwise become someone who believes that you have something of value to say. Because it's cheap and easy to produce, low-effort content can be cast far and wide to serve as a net to capture many potential viewers and guide them to the gold mine of the really important stuff you have to say. Unfortunately, when your low-effort content is what you have to say, it very much begs the question of what exactly it is people should be coming to your channel for.

Here are a few but by no means an exhaustive list of the YouTube channels that to me seem to feature way too much low-effort content.

The Dungeon Dudes

The Dungeon Dudes are two guys (Kelly McLaughlin and Monty Martin) who mainly do scripted back-and-forth style discussions of D&D-related topics. I've talked about the Dungeon Dudes before, when taking apart one of their recent videos, but they also stream a D&D game they play in on Twitch (and frequently post recordings of those sessions on their channel), do product reviews, and generally do whatever they can to maintain a consistent pace of content output, generally a minimum of twice weekly. They've been around for nearly four years now, and have amassed about 273 thousand subscribers on their channel, with over 44 million views for their content, which seem like decent numbers for a niche content channel. (Contract with CinemaSins, which exists as a viral content manufacturer, and has amassed over 9 million subscribers and over 3.3 billion views. I'm not trying to say the Dungeon Dudes are the CinemaSins of D&D; if they were, their numbers would probably look a lot more like those of CinemaSins.)

The big problem with the Dudes as content creators is that, despite being a niche content channel, they are clearly in it to try to eke out some kind of income or living from the work they put into the channel: they've got a Patreon, they use affiliate links in the descriptions of their product review videos to gain some additional referrer income, and they do sponsored content when they can get a sponsor. They started back in the summer of 2017 with a very 2016-era plan on how to succeed at YouTube: put together a bunch of short (5-10 minutes, occasionally longer, but go over 15 minutes at your peril) videos and release them on an iron-clad schedule to get people used to coming back to your channel and looking over your new content, and to their credit, they've kept up their content production schedule very consistently over the past four years.

They've also learned a few things during that time and have adapted the channel in response: their videos explaining rules and reviewing new products tend to be more popular, so they work those topics in on a more regular basis. They've learned that the YouTube algorithm has subtly changed over the past few years to reward channels that can provide longer 'engagement' (which gives YouTube more opportunities to run ads), and have expanded their video length to an average of about a half-hour, with their re-broadcasts from Twitch being extra-long videos (between two and two-and-a-half hours) which, while drawing fewer total views, probably draw as much or more 'engagement' from the algorithm for the views they have.

But the need to spit out so much content on such a rigid, unforgiving schedule means that they have to aim for quick-creation and easy digestion: putting subclasses into a bog-standard tier ranking, making 'top five' and 'top ten' lists that seem like they're being cribbed from a more thoughtful resource, and generally getting stuff out the door (like their 'Powerful Spell Combos Using Teamwork' video) without spending too much time thinking about how valuable or even accurate their advice happens to be. More to the point, it seems to be taking its toll on the guys who serve as the hosts of the show: Kelly McLaughlin has a fairly dour expression in general, but lately he seems to have the countenance of a man who's about to post a 'very special episode' discussing the dangers of YouTuber burnout.

The Dungeon Dudes feature low-effort content because they have to in order to support the publishing frequency they've chosen; if they were to take the time to put together a truly high-effort piece regarding one of their traditional topics, their Patreon subscribers would likely be asking why their release schedule had slowed down before their work was even half-done.

Dungeon Craft

The Dungeon Craft channel is run by a fellow who refers to himself as 'Professor Dungeon Master'; I have not yet found any reference in his channel or elsewhere that identifies who he actually is, so I'll just refer to him as Prof. Prof has been on YouTube a bit longer than the Dungeon Dudes, having launched his channel in October of 2016, and has put out 185 'episodes' (as of the time of this writing), thus averaging between three and four episodes per month. Prof's own 'trailer' video explicitly states his channel's concept: "Some channels focus on running the game, others on building terrain, others on painting minis. I do it all!" You might think, then, that this would be a place to find quite high-quality content, especially related to terrain and miniatures painting tips, but it seems like the main effect of Prof making his channel be about multiple topics (and there are plenty of topics he discusses that don't fit into any of those three categories above) is that he can't successfully communicate what his channel is actually about, other than about his specific opinions. Maybe that's the reason he's sitting at about 65 thousand subscribers and just under 5 million views.

However, being at a slightly lower 'tier' of content production than the Dungeon Dudes is not itself any kind of crime or even indicative of poor quality -- after all, one of my favorite D&D lore channels on YouTube is RavenloftTravelAgent, and she's got just over a thousand subscribers and only about 50 thousand views on her videos. No, Prof could have a very high-quality, high-content channel with the subscriber numbers and views he has, but he doesn't.

Prof's issue is almost exactly the opposite of that of the Dungeon Dudes: instead of cranking out a rapid-fire, breakneck volume of content to keep up with an arbitrary content production schedule because that's how you make a living producing content for YouTube and you have to keep feeding the hungry algorithm, Prof cranks out content that's very easy for him to write because he's been involved in the game for a long time and already knows that the way he learned to play the game is the best way. Any topic that comes up related to D&D, he's got an opinion and can spit out a script explaining his opinion quickly because it's the same opinion he's held for decades. Classic D&D didn't have skills, so the next edition of D&D shouldn't have them either. Classic D&D had slow advancement, so slow advancement is better than fast advancement. This becomes even more obvious in the videos that have very little or nothing to do with running a D&D game, such as where Prof explains why he thought Avengers: Endgame sucked, or why he thought Season 8 of Game of Thrones was 'nearly perfect'.

Some of the oddest episodes of Dungeon Craft have to do when Prof makes admissions that make him out to be, well, the D&D channel for 'that kind' of old-school gamer: the ones who can make comments to each other that they can't make in front of their wives or significant others because the latter find the comments sexist, the kind of guys you can complain to about not being able to tell a Polack joke at work, the guys who treated D&D in the 1980s and 1990s the way that guys in the 1950s and 1960s treated golf where they could build a wall between the world as it existed and the world as they wanted to believe it was (and, if we're being honest, the way that they believed it should actually be). Nowhere is this more evident than in the video where Prof starts by discussing the hot, rich girlfriend he had once who tried but never got into D&D who he just had to break up with, and which by the 3 minute mark has him "calling bullshit" on the idea that relationships are built on compromise and negotiation. (I mean, you saw this coming, right? Right there at the end of the last paragraph about how the ending of Game of Thrones was so good? You knew that's where this was going, right?)

And, of course, he's not immune to just jumping on the latest bandwagon to contribute his drone to the chorus of voices talking about things just to be talking about things. It shouldn't be surprising that Prof jumped on the bandwagon of the lawsuit brought by Hickman and Weis against Wizards of the Coast over the upcoming Dragonlance trilogy, which turned out to be a nothing-burger. Even weirder is the tag in the description of that video which says "Analysis you can't get anywhere else", even though the video doesn't contain anything that hadn't already been discussed over the three weeks between the lawsuit and Prof's video other than Prof's own opinions about it. My favorite howler that Prof makes in this video is his assertion that, because Hickman and Weis got a lawyer to file a lawsuit, that means there's definitely fire under that smoke, because "big law firms do not accept cases they don't think they can win", which both ignores the existence of SLAPP suits as well as the existence of authors who seem to take perverse glee in suing rival authors just to drive them out of the industry. He's also responded with multiple videos in response to Cody at Taking20s controversial 'illusion of choice' essay, and his response to Ginny Di's essay on making online D&D suck less didn't include any of Ginny's solid advice on making online play more compatible with an in-person mentality (recognizing interruptive behavior, or using text chat to maintain side-conversations that would otherwise not be distracting in person), but instead gave these recommendations to players:

Keep your camera turned on

Mute yourself when not talking

Don't distract yourself with technology during the game

Nothing specific on recognizing how online play differs from tabletop play and suggesting ways to bring those two styles closer together, just commands because he's the DM and he says so. Or, in other words, low-effort, opinion-based content.

Nerd Immersion

Nerd Immersion, a channel by Ted that started in May of 2014 and has amassed over 70 thousand subscribers, starts his "channel trailer" video by leafing through a book, then looking up and saying, "Oh, hello" as if he'd just noticed that there was a camera on pointing at him while he's sitting in his orange-trimmed gaming chair. That, sadly, is roughly the level of thought that goes into the actual content contained on this long-tenured but seemingly still super-niche channel.

The weird thing is that at some point, it was obvious that Ted put some real effort into this channel. There are defined sections of the channel that focus on particular things, avoiding the Dungeon Craft problem of 'what topic is our channel about this week?' On Tuesdays, Ted posts a top-10 list. Ted comes up with an idea for a series, like 'Fixing 5E' or 'Reviewing Unearthed Arcana', posts regular articles until he's said what he means to say, then ends the series. (There hasn't been a new Fixing 5E video in roughly a year, meaning that Ted isn't wasting his own time and that of the viewer continually beating horses he's long since killed.) And he comes up with some great ideas for series, such as his series reviewing products on the DMs Guild; that particular series comes out somewhat irregluarly, but not so irregularly that you think he may have stopped doing the series without telling you.

Nerd Immersion's big problem can be summed up by simply looking at the list of videos on his channel and noticing that when he puts his own face on the thumbnail of the video, the startling frequency with which he's shrugging or has a puzzled face or just seems to be presenting himself as if he's not sure what's happening in his own video. I mean, I get it -- that's his image, the personality he wants to present to his audience. He doesn't have all the answers (a refreshing change from Dungeon Craft, honestly), but has some things to share if you're interested, so go ahead and take a peek. But then you take a look at those different sections we spoke about earlier and see that the 'Fixing' series all have the word Fixing at the top of the screen, the Nerd Immersion logo in the top left, two images underneath the text, one on the right side of the page and one on the left, separated right down the middle, and they all have Fix-It Felix on the far right. The Top 10 videos always have Top 10 at the top of the thumbnail. The Unearthed Arcana reviews all have 'Unearthed Arcana' at the top, then 'Review' in an odd off-set to the right beneath 'Unearthed Arcana'.

In other words, Ted has a formula, and he's damn well going to follow it.

Now it's not a bad thing to have a workflow -- if you're going to be cranking out videos at the volume that Ted does (not to mention the others on this list), you'd better have some kind of process for making the video, getting the thumbnail on it, etc.; otherwise each new video is a horrible nightmare of effort as you re-invent the wheel for every project. Nobody wants to do that, and the results would likely be unwatchable. Having a process is a good thing. But the Dungeon Dudes clearly also have a process -- they've put out at least two videos a week for three and a half years, so they damn well have a process or they wouldn't have been able to get out that much content. Looking at their channel, though, shows you that while they have a brand, and one that's evolving over time to boot, they're not just making the same video over and over again, or at least you wouldn't think that from looking at the thumbnails.

Ted's most interesting videos are where he's interviewing another person or even just having another person in the video, because having another person around clearly takes him at least a bit outside his rigid formulaic comfort zone. The problem is that those videos are few and far between -- the review of the infernal tiefling is about eight months separated from his interview with Celeste Conowitch about her Venture Maidens campaign guide. Also interesting are his unboxing videos, because Ted clearly likes minis and takes some degree of joy in cracking open and looking at new minis. His unboxing videos aren't as irregular as his interview videos, but they are fairly recent, with the first appearing just a few months ago, so it's still not clear if this is going to be a new regular part of the channel, or just another series that goes until he says what he wants to say about minis and then stops.

Most of the stuff on the site, though, is just, well, stuff, cranked out on a formula and thrown out into the digital void with the same soft-spoken volume regardless of whether it's major news or a press release. As an example, while pretty much everybody had an opinion on the Dragonlance lawsuit, Ted covered when the suit was announced, when it was dismissed by Weis and Hickman, when the actual trilogy that was the subject of the novels was announced, and the official release date of the first book in the new trilogy. When it came time to get ready to announce the newest campaign book, Ted was on the job, posting a video preparing for the announcement, another video later the same day when his original prediction of a Feywild adventure book seemed to be contradicted by other rumors that the book would be a Ravenloft book, then posted yet another video when the actual book was leaked on Amazon at 11:24pm later that same day confirming Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft, posted the video discussing the official announcement of Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft the next day, and then the day after that followed up with more details on Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft revealed in Dragon+. That's five videos in three days, for a grand total of just over 100 thousand views combined. The intention seems like Ted wants to be the CNN of the D&D news scene, but with those kind of distribution numbers, the result is more like your local home town's shopping circular that occasionally also features stories about the latest project to fix the potholes on Main Street. Just like nobody's doing 24/7 news coverage of your local town council, nobody is (or probably should strive to) doing 24/7 coverage of the gaming industry and Wizards of the Coast. At some point it just becomes running a script, pressing a button to upload the next video, because it's news, and while you don't have to think about news to quite the same degree you have to think about more opinion-based topics, once you stop thinking about the process and what it is you're making, all you have left is executing the formula, over and over again, and both the input and the output becomes repetitive.

Repetitive videos, in repetitive formats, with repetitive text, to keep the monster fed for another day. I can admire the effort that goes into it, but the overwhelming presence of the formula involved in cranking out this content keeps me from feeling that it's worth engaging with. It's low-effort, because the effort has been meticulously removed from the process.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop here. There's not really any constructive criticism I could provide to these channels because, as I hope I've pointed out, it seems like low-effort content is pretty much the only thing these channels have to offer or in truth can offer, and anything that might cause their owners to re-consider their channels to improve their content would almost certainly lead to a very different if not wholly different channel. With things being as they are online, there's no guarantee that any new, higher-effort channel would be any more successful than the old low-effort one (remember the RavenloftTravelAgent channel with absolutely miniscule numbers; effort doesn't automatically equate with success). I can't even claim that being low-effort channels necessarily makes these channels bad (despite what I said in the intro); after all, they all have at least some good ideas, especially Nerd Immersion, and they each have subscribers and a following. I guess this is just my way of putting some small amount of effort into explaining why I don't feel like doing more to help these channels succeed, because I'd rather put my support toward channels making higher-quality, higher-effort content, especially because its not the content itself, but people engaging with that content that really drives a channel's success.

[pass-the-bechdel]

The Good Place season four full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

92.3% (twelve of thirteen).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

50.67%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Twelve, eight of which are at least 50%, and two of those are 60%+.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-six. Thirteen who appeared in more than one episode, five who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-three. Thirteen who appeared in more than one episode, six who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Solid as it’s ever been; though this season did exhibit the one and only time in this show that I ever felt they had a truly bad take on things, altogether it is not really diminished in its feel-good quality (average rating of 3.07).

General Season Quality:

Spotty. As with all other seasons after the first one, it doesn’t really know what it wants to do, let alone how to get there. It’s at its best when it is just settling down and telling its story with close character focus instead of being in a hurry to get nowhere in particular, and while it gets almost tedious towards the end, it finishes with unusual aplomb. 

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

As per usual, I’m not going to linger too long on this one, because final-season reviews always end up intersecting with full-series discussions to a significant degree, since both conversations are about culminations and endings. What I am going to talk about here - relevant to the full series, but most notable for this season - is the issue of drama for drama’s sake, ever-increasing stakes, and not actually planning out your fucking plot in advance. I’m referring (mostly) to the utter ridiculousness of the centrepiece of this season, the ‘delete the Earth’ thing.

All of these things have been discussed before, and we know the basics: drama for drama’s sake is cheap and empty, you can only increase the stakes in something if your audience is invested, plot requires cohesion in order to matter and make sense. These things all feed into one another, since nonsensical plot creates empty dramatic spectacles in which there are no genuine stakes because the plot doesn’t matter, etc, etc, and the ‘delete the Earth’ distraction really encapsulates all of it: we the audience aren’t foolish enough to think the whole world is about to be wiped out, so the stakes are too high to be believable, and even if the world WAS wiped out, it wouldn’t matter to the characters because they’re already dead and there are no fundamental ties to the material world which will be missed by a bunch of souls that aren’t around to miss them anymore anyway. The idea of the Earth being rebooted is way too hypothetical to have any impact as plot; the drama has no emotional value because it has no connections, and the ever-escalating stakes game has gone too far, and become as empty as it is ludicrous. 

And then there is - as discussed in the relevant episodes - the fact that the show got so caught up in the escalating-stakes game, and so disconnected from the idea of an overarching plot, that the whole conclusion to the experiment which prompted ‘reboot Earth’ as a solution had...little if anything really to do with the problem that seeded the experiment in the first place. This is the thing that really, truly baffled me; how do you, as a creator, lose sight of your own story to such an egregious degree? How little idea must you have of the story you’re trying to bring to a close, that you could end up throwing in a Final Hurdle that is not only this ridiculous, but also this irrelevant? Honestly, I can’t offer an explanation. This is in no way the worst show I’ve ever seen, but this particular element is one of the most colossal narrative blunders I have ever heard of.

I will float one theory though, which doesn’t really explain how the writers forgot the intention of the experiment but does, perhaps, relate to how their discussions on where to take the plot may have ended up so severely diverted: it’s about ‘The Answer’. As I said in the relevant episode post, I don’t think that the audience (by and large, there are always outliers) truly expected the show to come up with a Single Immutable Truth About The Universe, and I feel as though the writers backed themselves into a corner all of their own making in order to avoid providing such an answer. The result seems to have been an effort to focus in on individualism above all else, and in doing so, the narrative allowed systemic criticisms to fall to the wayside. Moral concerns in the real world are rendered meaningless when you’re going to go off to a specially-tailored afterlife that’ll teach you how to be Good Now, allowing endless time and space for blunders and no ultimate consequences, and so none of the ethical concepts the show had toyed with matter anymore. Evils of Capitalism? Who cares! The swamp of inter-generational poverty (and all related conversations about privilege)? Shut up, Jason! Literally nothing matters anymore, you can come into the afterlife having suffered or made others to suffer all kinds of privations and disadvantages and cruelties, and we don’t care about questioning circumstances, we’ve got a handy-dandy twelve-step program for your soul! I’m, ah, a little cynical about it. In hand-waving the fact that the Afterlife Points System failed to account for a changing world and the difficulties it presents, the show also kinda shrugged off moral living in favour of nihilism (’never mind, we’ll fix it later’) in order to avoid letting any serious criticisms of real-world social or economic structures colour its final statements. Again, I wasn’t expecting them to lay out a plan for how to solve all the moral ills of the real world, but I also was not expecting this weak avoidance which kinda begs the question: if you had nothing to say about morality, why did you start the conversation in the first place? It’s not like any of the ideological concepts they had brought up were too radical for them to use to make a point, instead of just a noncommittal reference. Anyway. My point is this: I think the creative team had so little vision of where they wanted this show to end up, they scared themselves out of their own plot. The rest, is full-series talk.