#and even when they do show up - I get an outpouring of support and it just makes me smile

[causeimanartist]

I just want you to know you're one of my favorite artists, especially your depiction of the trinity just being the cutest trio in the world. I think your characters always seem so happy (oddly even grumpy Bruce) and it's infectious. Thanks so much for every piece of art you've ever shared with us!

Thank you so much!! I honestly love sharing my art because with just a few exceptions (like that weirdo on my most recent Wonder Woman drawing) - everyone is just super kind and leave such nice comments in the tags! The reception I've gotten over the years means so much to me

[poison-into-positivity]

the really really cool thing about all of the @renewasacrew efforts is that, even if it doesn’t end up getting us OFMD 3, it’s still very much, if you’ll pardon the expression, making waves.

It’s letting Max and other networks know that there is a large, passionate audience for queer television and films, who do take notice when queer titles are axed prematurely. It’s showing other networks that following in Max’s footsteps could lead to real financial loss. It’s showing that show cancellations in general, especially for shows that are unique and boundary-pushing, make people very upset and can have genuine consequences for a brand.

Somewhere down the road, a queer show that a network is unsure about may be up for a renewal, and some executive might recall our campaign and how much money Max missed out on by canceling a queer show. At some point, a queer film that would’ve otherwise died on the cutting room floor might get a second chance, because the network has seen how much queer media truly means to people. Even if we’re just in the back of their subconscious, our outpouring of support for queer media has a very real possibility of leading them in the right direction.

So yeah, even if it doesn’t end up saving our show (which it still very well could!), it won’t all be for nothing.

And I just think that’s really fucking cool.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#43: The Good Life (1.05)

gif cred: @nerd4music

The vibes of this whole sequence are so good. The good life truly. 🤩And Say Yes has always been a comfort ep for me, so I love that this montage has such Say Yes energy and parallels. If ever I need a pick-me-up this tranquil series of clips from Richonne's road-trip home will lift my spirits every time. I love the way this montage depicts that in finding each other again, Richonne refound the best, most at peace parts of themselves 😌...

So after that teaser with Father Gabriel, we get our babies back on screen. And it hit me that Episode 5 is the first time there are even scenes that don't feature Rick and Michonne. In episodes 1-4 of TOWL, Rick, Michonne, or both are on screen in every single scene apart from that one episode 2 teaser. Which I was very much in support of this as a long-time card-carrying member of the Give-Richonne-More-Screentime ministry. 😊

After how excellent the plot, pacing, and dialogue were in episode 4, I will say that ep 5 & 6 are a bit clunkier in those areas to me. But one thing is for sure, the Richonne content in ep 5 & 6 is still solid gold.

While these last two eps are ranked lower than episodes 1-4 for me, the good moments in these last two episodes aren't just good, they're great and include some genuinely Top 10 worthy Richonne scenes. So we definitely have to break it all down.😇👌🏽

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

The montage starts with that yellow truck turning the corner and then they just get right into the good vibes and romance as we see Richonne calmly driving.

I love that they use 'The Good Life' by Tony Bennett to set the mood. Rick and Michonne both just look so relaxed and happy and it’s super refreshing to see. 🥰

gif cred: @msanonships

After everything they’d gone through thus far it was so nice to arrive at a point where Rick and Michonne are back in sync and as connected as ever.

I love the way Rick seems so content and peaceful with his hand out the window. Michonne has that man feeling on top of the world again. 😋 And then it’s so sweet the way he looks over at Michonne and the way she smiles back at him while driving. All is well with their soul and mine. 😌

Then we get one of my favorite Richonne actions ever when Rick takes her hand and kisses it. 🥹 It’s perfect.

I love the lingering depth of this hand kiss and that it’s such an illustration of how much Rick loves and cherishes Michonne. It was another soul kiss. And you can just tell how much peace Michonne brings Rick. She’s like his medicine. The cure to his anxiety and to his life. 👌🏽

gif cred: @msanonships

Something I so appreciate about Richonne is how every moment like this feels like such an organic outpouring of love in their hearts. And it feels like it’s the exact thing they both needed. Like Rick is offering Michonne so much love with this hand kiss but you can tell it’s also for him too, because she brings him so much peace and happiness and calms any anxiety he might have about really being able to break away from the CRM this time and go home.

This might be the furthest Rick has got in terms of actually breaking free from the CRM and heading home. I know he knows it has everything to do with Michonne that they’re making it this far and actually going to get home this time because they can do anything together.

I appreciate how this hand kiss is just one of the many ways Rick’s romantic heart so naturally wants to show his love and that Michonne is so receptive to it. Like the way she looks at him while he kisses her hand. They really know how to make the love they have for each other leap off the screen. And I know she knows that her Rick is fully back by him doing this.

The song lyrics that play say “don’t try to fake romance” and truly this is just giving authentic romance. Richonne's hand kisses in Say Yes were always so incredibly sweet to me so I love that we have another precious one to add to the list.

I also love that now that Rick isn’t trying to shut Michonne out, he’s immediately back to loving on her every second. This is how Rick loves.

I appreciate that Rick and Michonne immediately started living out that sentiment to love on each other as hard as they can while they can. Loving on each other is what they're both so good at doing. And the way they love is beautiful. 🥹

gif cred: @coalfires

So then they pull up and find all those ramen packs because the universe loves them some Richonnne. And y’all, I adore that they are matching again. 😊 It’s another signature Richonne thing. And it's great how they aren’t just matching in the same general color - no they're basically both wearing the exact Pantone shade, honey. The best. 😋

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

And Rick and Michonne are just at their all-time adorable when the noodles fall out of the trunk and they excitedly laugh and pick them up. Michonne looks like such a cutie when she holds up a pack and amusedly addresses their punny name “Tasteful Noods.”

gif cred: @perryabbott

And Rick looks like such a cutie laughing and just seeming happy to be there. I love that they always bring out such a smiley playful side of each other. 😊

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Another thing I love about TOWL whenever I think about it is how Rick and Michonne's journey of refinding each other was never rooted in questioning if they're still compatible as a couple. After nearly a decade spent apart, some characters who aren't soulmates could have easily changed too much and been unable to rekindle this type of comfortable passionate chemistry so quickly.

But while Richonne had to navigate the way their circumstances had impacted and altered them, they still always operated like they knew the other was their person and the love of their life. And now that they've risen from their ep 4 timeout stronger, they're so effortlessly back to being best friends & lovers.

That's part of why I love how passionately Richonne kisses in their episode 2 reunion scene because they didn't have to hesitate, wait, or wonder how the other felt about them after all these years. Without even needing to verbally confirm it, they immediately knew the love, chemistry, and connection they have was alive and as strong as ever.

But back to this heavenly episode 5 montage - We get a sweet moment of the two having dinner together and I’m just smiling from ear to ear yet again. 😁

I love how this montage moment really highlights how far Rick and Michonne have come in their journey since that season 4 moment beside a fire.

Also, in the TWD series finale when Rick and Michonne were both writing letters alone by a fire, I remember just feeling like I cannot wait for them to be side by side again and it was lovely to see that time finally come. 🙌🏽

During this dinner in front of the mural, they’re both looking out at something but I can never tell what exactly. And then Rick puts his arm around Michonne and I love that he looks over at her first, watching her taking in whatever they’re seeing like maybe another mural/painting or something idk. Either way, Michonne is clearly the true view to Rick. 🥰

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

And then Michonne turns to him with the sweetest smile as they share a kiss and I just love how warm this whole moment is. It's great how they take a moment to just smile at each other before having yet another kiss infused with passion. And the way they get lost in this kiss - equally addicted to each other. 😊 They’re so blissfully in their Richonne bubble and it’s great to see. 

gif cred: @lousolversons

As they drive along the scenic road they also come across a vending machine and I love how their movement is so synchronized as they look from the vending machine to a walker with a sword stuck in its neck. See how the universe always wants to provide the things Richonne needs? 😋

Also, what this episode really hammered home is that Richonne communicates with words pretty much for fun, because they’re entirely capable of having whole conversations by just looking at each other.

And in this moment they both immediately get the same idea at the same exact time to use the blade in that walker to hack through the vines covering the vending machine. And they’re so cute and determined as they go to take care of it.

Clearing out the vending machine was clearly a success as they cut to Richonne back in the car while Rick chugs a soda. And even the soda moment shows that he’s really released a lot of the stress he was carrying in the first four episodes and just seems so at home. And of course he seems at home because his home is right next to him looking beautiful while driving. 👌🏽

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Also, you always know you’re truly comfortable with someone when even just sitting in silence together brings you peace and I felt that from them in these car clips.

Then this heavenly montage wants to make me teary by having Rick take out the phone with the image of Carl and just take a moment to appreciate it. Again, Rick loves his son so much. 🥲 I'll forever be moved by the love this father has for his boy.

It's heartwarming that Rick gets so much comfort from these images of his family. And it really is one of the greatest things Michonne’s ever done for him by giving him this drawing that brought his son's face back to him.

gif cred: @taiturner

I love that Michonne looks over at him and gets to again see how meaningful having this piece of Carl is for Rick. The way she looks from the phone to him, both those Grimes boys forever have her heart. 🥹

(And she knows soon Rick will get to meet the third Grimes boy, RJ. 🥲)

I think about the OG Richonne episode Clear when Michonne was behind the wheel as Rick sat silently beside her with a hand out the window. Now, years later they do the same, no longer strangers but soulmates.

The biggest difference between the two moments is Carl is right there with them in the back of the car in Clear, and now in TOWL he's with them through a phone portrait. 🥺

Carl would be so proud of Rick and Michonne for finding their way back to each other and finally going home together. 🥲

Also just looking at Rick and Michonne in this car heading home, y’all, we really made it. 😭 All those years without them and we really made it to a point where Rick and Michonne are back on a road trip home together and at peace. And so I just adore this whole opening sequence for perfectly painting the picture of their travels home and how in love they are at every turn.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

Rick and Michonne looked so refreshed with vacation vibes as they finally got to just enjoy each other without the threat of the CRM nearby. Beyond here for it. 😇

Then, as they drive they come across a souvenir shop...and it’s there we get another one of my absolute favorite TOWL scenes. 👌🏽😌

[hypermania]

transcript of the full thread:

"A very long thread: To the League fans, We found out this news along with you on Friday. I see the pain and anger and worry out there, which for the LGBTQIA+ fans of the show is of course compounded by what’s happening across the country right now. #ALeagueOfTheirOwn

So the first and most important thing to say is: Before anything, before you fight for the show or each other, please take care of yourselves. Reach out to your community and ask for help if you need it. You aren’t alone. Please be kind to yourselves.

As I’ve been thinking about what’s happened, I come back to a quote from Penny Marshall’s film: “The hard is what makes it great.” Making this show is so hard and so great. There’s quite a bit to say about what’s been hard, but at this point that’s in the past.

Of course, if we have an avenue to do it well, we will continue the show, and I love seeing the noise you’re making in support of that. The noise matters!

And it’s hard for me to imagine there wouldn’t be a home for a show that thanks to you was in the Nielsen Top 10 for three weeks, was the top show on Amazon for a month and in the top five for six, that was recognized by critics as something special, that’s been recognized…

…with awards from GLAAD, HRC and a million other organizations, that was on a million year-end top ten lists, and that has a built in and deeply passionate audience.

Amazon is pursuing different kinds of programming, but to the rest of the world this show is a hit and has huge value and even greater potential. But first things first, we have to win this strike and get a fair deal before we can explore what comes next.

But for a moment, I want to talk about what happens if the world didn’t quite change quickly enough for you to have all the seasons of this show that we want to give you.

If we don’t find a good path forward, I will still know that League did what it came here to do and, in its own small way, changed the world.

And that’s because of all of you, and the light you continue to shine on the show — How you let it matter to you, how you let it become a mirror, how you let it change you.

I’ve never experienced a response to a show that’s as deep, personal, creative and meaningful as what the fans have done with League. When we were making the season 1, we all wondered and worried about whether people would accept it on its own terms next to the film.

They have, and you did that, and so much more. You lit up the internet on your first watch throughs of the show, when you realized where it was going (and made all of us laugh in the process).

You wrote enough fan fiction for 100 novels and created an outpouring of art and creativity that could fill its own museum — I’ve truly never seen anything like it.

You lifted up a 95 year old who had just come out of the closet and made her into a celebrity who gets recognized wherever she goes. Every time any member of the cast appears at anything, you turn it into a convention.

You stop Abbi wherever she goes, and though I’m a happily inconspicuous person, and you constantly find me and stop me and give me gifts that now have a shelf in my house.

When thousands of you appeared to see D’Arcy at the stage door of The Thanksgiving Play over its run, you turned it into the hottest queer bar in New York. You made Max’s suit and Chante’s beautiful performance into a movement.

A mob of you went to Pittsburgh and saw all of our locations. You dressed as the characters and made our characters into one of the biggest halloween costumes of last year.

You came out, you changed pronouns, you started living more openly, you gave sermons in church about the show, you opened bars, and you got a truly mind boggling number of tattoos that say “to the five” and “rob the bank.” What else am I forgetting? I'm sure you'll remind me.

But most importantly, you made a community, you found each other and found joy, which of course is what the show is about. In many more ways than I would ever have let myself imagine while we were making it, you literally bring the show to life every day.

Thank you for making our work mean something bigger. We’ve heard from so many different kinds of people around the world who are watching League.

But, in a time when all queer people are personally and politically under attack across the country and HRC has declared a “state of emergency,” my biggest fear is that the many queer fans of League will take this reversal as one more invalidation, one more blow, one more…

…effect of the general politicization of our identities. Most of us grew up feeling invisible, and as we gain strength, the predictable backlash forces are trying their hardest to get us to go back underground.

In case anyone needs to hear it: You are not small, niche, modest, off-putting or marginal, and neither are your stories. You are multitudes, you are building, and your stories are universal. You are the most rapidly growing audience and consumer group in this country.

You are powerful. You are the future, and the people who don’t recognize your importance now will feel be clamoring to catch up in a few years. As Chante said so beautifully when we received the Human Right Campaign Visionary award, you are the main characters. Be proud.

Be angry if you that’s how you feel, but know that we are going to win, and don’t ever let this moment or any other make you small. The biggest lesson of the characters in this show is that, in a world that had no space for them at all, they LIVED. (Continued)

They found love, they did the things they loved, they won. You’re doing the same thing, and just like them, you are heroes. We are still fighting for League. But whether we win or lose this one, I’m so proud.

From the time when we began working on the season, Abbi, Deta and I said to each other — Let’s not hold anything back, for as long as we get to be here, let’s do this the right way.

We got so many notes wondering if the exploration of the queer world of the 1940s or Max’s world would be better saved for season 2, if people needed to start somewhere a little more familiar. I’m so glad we didn’t listen, cause now I’m sitting here without any regrets.

And no matter what happens, the people behind League aren’t going anywhere. Give us a minute, we will be back with more for you to watch and read and feel. We’re going to win.

And you’re not going anywhere either, because what you’ve built and what you are is bigger than this show. It’s the story of our community, that comes to us through the hidden history that League shows just one small part of: The bars got raided and shut down.

But the people didn’t go anywhere, and they opened a new bar, and out of those spaces came music, cinema, dance, culture — What we now see as mainstream was birthed from the spaces our predecessors were forced to hide in. They made joy there."

[icanseethefuture333]

Hi Desi ! Can i ask you who is stray kids would date a woc of different ethnicities ? Thank you :)

Oop! 😳 Time to spill some more tea then 🤭

MTL to date a WOC outside of Korea in Stray Kids:

(According to my pendulum, based off of their current energy / preferences)

Felix

I.N

Bang Chan

Changbin

Seungmin

Han

Hyunjin

Lee Know

Top row:

Left is Bang Chan, center is I.N, and right is Felix

Bang chan's reasoning for being third most likely is because he's very sexually enticed by woc outside of his race. They peak his interest and finds them attractive. I am pretty sure he's been with them before. Some of you guys might not want to hear this but it's giving he wants to soar his oats with just about anybody 🫣. I'm not really getting any romantic feelings, so he seems non committal or he would date a foreigner, but would really have to think about if he'd marry one. He's not really mature yet long term for a cross cultural or interracial relationship. Bang Chan is still ignorant in some areas of other cultures (he just wants to fuck 🥱). It's just giving like he is aware of other people's culture and then when dating someone who's not from the same culture, it's like he think would make a better partner than someone hasn't before. A know it all who doesn't really know it all ifykwim. When its like he can't hold any of his relationships down, he constantly searches for new beginnings or the next thing sexually (for any Bang Chan fans ready to fight don't be arguing with me on anon in my inbox!!! This is his energy for now, he's in his fuckboy era, do not put the blame on me for this! Sometimes we won't always hear the most pure or positive messages about our faves and that is okay)

Ngl I.N surprised me 😳 even though I did channeled before that his future spouse was someone that had dual citizenships (Korean and British). I was pleased to hear what his response was on dating a woc outside of his country or race. I.N's view on dating a woc that isn't Korean is quite positive. He shows admiration for them and has more pure intentions than I would say in comparison to Bang Chan (💀 I mean no shade??? but eh, I said what I said). I.N would be very supportive and willing to learn about his partner's culture or traditions. He honestly wouldn't care as long as they have similar family structures. I.N is rebellious by nature, so he just cares about his happiness and the happiness of his loved ones.

Felix's reasoning for being most likely to date a woc is given the fact he feels like he is an outsider in his own country and culture as well. He is Korean, but doesn't feel Korean enough? Felix resonates more with how he grew up in Australia and misses that lifestyle. There is water here and what seems like a beach. Felix could outpour a lot of love towards people that are different from him now and doesn't judge based off of racial stereotypes. Being able to travel overseas and meet new people has allowed him to open his mind and broaden his horizons. It's almost as if he was limiting himself in some areas (caring too much about labels, what's Korean, what's not Korean, what makes him Australian or what doesn't make him Australian). Controversial maybe??? Felix could feel more loved and respected by woc outside of Korea (I laughed I'm sorry 💀). There is a cultural difference so maybe they are more expressive with their love language where as in Korea they show it differently (I.E: a foreign woc might be affectionate and show physical touch, where a Korean woman would exchange gifts). Felix's view on dating woc could be more so a romantic fantasy or he likes the relationships he's seen in movies, television, or music videos. I channeled this before in a reading for him but I always think of Harry Styles and his Grammy's performance for "As It Was" to be his ideal romance. (Felix fr just as delulu as the rest of us LMAOOO 🤧)

Middle row:

Left is Changbin, center is Seungmin, and right is Han

Changbin is down for whatever honestly 💀. He's not the type to search for love but more so takes action only if he wants to experience it. He's romantic in general so if anyone could handle him and his quirks, then he's happy. Changbin would be very charming. I feel like he just needs the opportunity to meet a woc? I don't think he's ever dated a woc outside of Korea fr. "I had the plan, I just needed the platform" type of energy 🤣

Seungmin would be a hot mess I'm sorry 💀 I'm not even gonna sugarcoat it. It's like he wants to but he's not doing it based off of realistic decisions. It's more so he has an idea of what it's like to date a woc outside of Korea, but he's not focusing on the sentimental value of what it means to be in a relationship. Seungmin is very picky in general and makes romantic decisions based off of his illusions (another delulu??? Free the Virgos please). So because of his high expectations he would not be able to form long lasting connections. Also woc could be turned off by his behavior as well, they would most likely call him out or reject him because he's not mature enough. They won't tolerate it. Seungmin would just get his feelings hurt but it would be his own fault for being so damn sassy all the time 😂. He is stubborn though, so he would keep trying until he learns his lesson and also he finds the right person who can match his energy. The person he dates would require a looooot of patience because he is not easy to deal with. Very chaotic energy, but funny!

The reason Han is one of the members who is least likely is because he is more shy and introverted. So going up to a person and asking them out in general is not his thing. If Han were to date a woc that wasn't Korean, he'd have to be most likely friends first. "I have anxiety bruh." (💀). He'd want to take his time and get to know the person regardless of what their race is. I don't think he has much of a preference, it's just about who he's attracted to within that time. Han would be protective of his partner though and would express his love through gifts, money, etc.

Bottom row:

Left is Hyunjin & right is Lee Know

Hyunjin for being one of the members who is least likely to date a non-Korean woc is because he is very traditional. Whenever I do readings regarding his love life he always makes this very clear. He finds some woc (yes I said some because it's not a large number of woc he likes💀) beautiful, but it's not something he wants to go through all the trouble for. Too tedious for his liking. Hyunjin's fanbase is mostly in Korea as well so he could focus more on that because that is the attention he is used to getting from, so he cares more about catering to his fans, his family's expectations, as well as his own personal preferences. It's like he's not closed off to the idea, but Hyunjin doesn't like change. He prefers to stick to what he knows and situations that are predictable. To try being in a cross cultural or interracial relationship, it would make Hyunjin really anxious, nervous, and uncomfortable, because it is a type of environment he is not used to. I can say for sure say he's only ever dated a woman who was Korean or of Asian descent. Hyunjin would have to work on his confidence and care more about his own thoughts than other people's thoughts in order to be with a woc that wasn't Korean.

Lee Know is somewhat similar to Hyunjin's response, with a nicer approach. In his opinion, he feels like it requires courage to be in a relationship with a woc outside of Korea. He believes people who date someone that isn't the same race as them go through a lot of hardship. Channeled message: "I think if I was a father and my child looked like me, or looked like me a little less because they had features like their mama, whether their skin was maybe darker or their hair was a different texture. People would be very cruel and it would make me very upset as a dad. It's not a easy route to take. Maybe in the future when I am more brave I will think about it, as for now I am okay with being a coward!" (PLS 💀)

I hope you guys enjoyed this reading! I will be forming my own harem with these 4, take care besties 💋

[romanarose]

WHAT DO?!?

1. Rule number 14 of the internet. Don’t feed the trolls

I have just caught up on all 85 episodes of the Chris Chan documentary and my biggest take away was DONT!!! FEED!!! TROLLS!!! I struggle with this one. When I get rude asks I always want to respond especially if they say something fucking stupid… The ones I respond to are probably only 1/3 of the shit that I get. A lot of times they just want a rise out of us to not give them that. Sending to people or to certain confession pages even if they are nice just feed those trolls and give them fuel to the fire..

2. Does the person attacked want you to say something?

When I was attacked in April, I absolutely appreciated the people coming to my defense, especially sharing alternate viewpoint, especially in the beginning. However, after a day or two, I just wanted it to stop. Relogging post about a person in arguing just serves to give everything traction and arguing, just means we get to read more mean stuff about ourselves. Consider the author first. I am guilty of this where I want to publicly jump to my friend defenses when they are hurting but I have to consider is this being done for them, or to quell my own feelings.

3. Is the person saying the thing your friend or mutual?

Consider dming them. Especially if it’s a mater if something being factually incorrect. we all have been victims of misinformation at one point in time and I have believed things that were false about others so I appreciate a private correction. If it is a matter of opinion, it may be harder, like debate on if dark fiction is valid. However, keeping it private is best .

4. Consider the size of the issue.

Are dozens and dozens of blogs talking about it? If so, maybe your voice isn’t needed and you could reblog posts or dm support. Maybe you have a viewpoint that is helpful. Is it one small blog with 2 notes saying it? It’s probably best to move on and let it die.

Again, consider the person being victimized.

For me, the outpouring of love and public posts meant the world to me. Especially seeing blogs I followed but weren’t mutuals with or blogs I didn’t know at all come to my defense, but that’s me as a person. And that was just at the start. When I realized the fucking scale of what was happening I just wanted to stop.

I’m learning other people don’t always want support the way we want, kinda like love languages.

So, what can you do?

DO

Dm or send an ask depending how well you know them.

DONT

Be upset they don’t respond. They are likely receiving a lot of messages and although they certainly appreciate kind words, these sorts of things can be very draining and they might not have the mental energy to respond.

DO

Continue to support their works with comments reblogs, fanart or fiction or funny edits. Something not related to drama that shows you love them and publically support them.

DONT

Make the comment or whatever related ti the drama or mention it in anyway the Creator does not want to look back on the nice things overtime and be reminded of the bad things

DONT tell people every little thing being said!

I 💯 appreciated those who notified me something was said and it was BAD bc it’s a blog I never would have seen and it warranted being notified. However, if someone was sending me screenshots of every reblog and comment I’d be upset. Once the person is aware of an issue, unless asked to get info please don’t.

Feel free to add more to this! This is just what I’ve learned from my own experience and from listening to others.

I know this is a very trying time for the fandom if you need to leave or step back 100% support you. This is not fun for you anymore then you gotta do what’s best for yourself



[nightingaletrash]

okay but the Morgan and Alex video definitely has the vibe that this was one that Alex wanted to film rather than another one of Morgan’s ‘you need to remember this so this will bring you back up to speed’ recordings.

Morgan introduces the recording, but then asks Alex what else he needs to say.

‘Why are we making this video?’ ‘Because my big brother is paranoid’

Alex has seen the little changes in Morgan’s personality, their behaviour, the things they aren’t noticing due to the neuromod cycling. After all, the data they’ve gathered indicates that Morgan has already begun to experience personality drift even if they don't realise it. So after the day’s tests and catch up, Alex has them record this video together in the knowledge that some day his sibling could change so drastically that they need to hear their own ideas, their own beliefs from their own mouth in order to believe them. To understand that anything he does in future is in accordance with what they wanted from him.

It really goes to show just how cunning and manipulative Alex can really be - he realised the change was happening and knew that his word wouldn't be enough if things changed to the extent he feared it would. So he has Morgan film this video with him, maybe even plays into the 'over-cautious big brother' bit to get the right responses out of them so that if and when that day comes, he has a damn strong case to prove that he has been going along with Morgan's plans and ideas from the start. He was preparing for the day that he didn't recognise Morgan anymore.

Yet he's so casual with offering little shows of physical affection with Morgan to the point that its gotta be genuine because Morgan never recoils or acts like this is out of character for him.

And the differences in his body language depending on Morgan’s gender make my brain go brrrrrrrr:

The vibe I get here is 'I've got your back' this is a big brother supporting his little brother. Its no great outpour of emotion and sentiment, just a hand on his shoulder that says 'I'm with you.' A little show of support that will be forgotten moments later.

There's definitely more sentimentality with fem!Morgan, even if its brief. Still restricted to hands on shoulders/arms, no hugs or anything, but still Alex taking a moment to hold his little sister like she's something precious before the little 'let's do this' pat and getting on with it.

It's a little detail but it adds flavour to the differing relationships between a big brother and his younger brother/younger sister.

[that-ineffable-devil]

I really like your post about what Good Omens mean in terms of representing queer middle aged people. Seeing that representation means a lot to me too as a twenty year old.

Seeing queer people in their 50s shows me a future I have trouble imagining for myself.

It shows me people my parents age who I'm used to getting begrudging acceptance or rejection from at best, and they're like me. Part of my community.

It showed me straight older allies who accept us unconditionally and it showed me that this isn't a gen z thing or a phase, it's a human thing.

It's part of humanity.

I can't even write down all the things it means.

I'm so glad my words resonated with you (and many others, apparently!!), and it has been so wonderful seeing the outpouring of love and support for the same sentiment and the representation in Good Omens. 🖤

Like you, I've always had trouble envisioning a future for myself--in fact, I was so convinced I wouldn't survive to 18 that I had made no plans for life after high school! Big mistake lol. But when I was a kid growing up in a tiny one-stoplight-town in the southern U.S., there weren't any people like me in my life. Or even in media, really, except as a joke. I was so different from everything and everyone I knew that I couldn't imagine life beyond the boundaries of that place.

I can only wonder how differently things may have turned out if I'd had something like Good Omens--representation that normalizes instead of exploits or vilifies.

And you're absolutely right that seeing older cis and straight allies fully and genuinely supporting our community is so, so important. Maybe just as important as seeing older queers out living their best lives, because it shows that not only can we survive and be happy, but we don't have to do it alone or in isolation from the rest of the world.

That's one of the scariest things, I think, especially if you grow up in a country or even just a city or state that is openly hostile towards people like us. It's not just the fear of violence, but the fear that nobody will step in to help you or offer you support when you need it. Because sometimes finding community in real life is much harder than it is online. And when cisgender heterosexual folks see their peers and heroes supporting our community, we can only hope it inspires them to be allies, too. 🖤

[askamydaily]

My final syndicated advice column

Well, sports fans — my last syndicated “Ask Amy” advice column drops tomorrow (don’t you hate that expression?), and so I thought I would give you loyal subscribers a sneak peek at what I have to say.

I’ve known this moment was coming for the last several months, and the need I’ve felt to try to deliver some final thoughts summing up my experience over the last 21 years has been pretty strong.

Two things tend to happen to me when I’m under pressure: First, I fantasize about quitting, and after that — my mind goes

BLANK.

After that, this is what I tell myself: 

I say ….

No one really cares.

And then I push up my sleeves and try to get the job done.

This particular column was pretty daunting. I have been feeling very emotional, and I was writing it during a time when readers were already saying goodbye to me. 

Wow — what a wonderful connection we have shared! Of course, that connection will continue, but through different channels (this being one), and through different work. 

Read on — and please do share your own thoughts and comments.

Dear Readers: Since announcing my departure from writing this syndicated column, I have heard from scores of people across various platforms, thanking me for over two decades of offering advice and wishing me well in my “retirement.” I am very touched and grateful for this outpouring of support.

The thing is – I don’t think of myself as retiring.

I have led a constant, reliable life. I will read even the worst book to the last page. I have never voluntarily left a relationship, an obligation, or any employment.

(I can barely stand to leave a room!)

But I’m leaving this seven-day-a-week commitment – because I want to, and because it’s time.

My intention is to move on and to do other meaningful work.

Writing this column has given me a glimpse into thousands of lives.

The insight I have gained has inspired and empowered me to listen to my own counsel, to be authentic in my actions, and to – basically – be in charge of my own life, as much as possible.

Showing myself the door at this moment reflects the privilege of good health, strong relationships, years of steady employment, and some prudent financial choices. I’m very aware of how lucky I am.

My favorite way to envision this work is to picture families reading these columns together at the breakfast table and weighing in with their own points of view before reading mine.

And yes, there are still parents and grandparents out there who clip the newspaper and send pertinent columns to kids in college or summer camp, or tape it to refrigerators and bathroom mirrors.

I’ve heard from health care workers, police officers, fire fighters and office workers who say they discuss the issues raised in the column in the break room.

I love knowing that, and I’ll miss having coffee with you.

The questions raised in this space have been used as teaching tools in middle schools, memory care units, ESL classes and prisons. These are perfect venues to discuss ethical, human-sized dilemmas.

On my last day communicating with you in this way, I feel compelled to try to sum up my experience by offering some lasting wisdom, but I’ve got no fresh insight. Everything I know has been distilled from wisdom gathered elsewhere.

Boxer Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has a plan, until they get punched ….” Punches are inevitable. But I do believe I’ve learned some universal truths that might soften the blows.

They are:

Show up for people.

Be gentle with yourself – and with others.

Lead with kindness, and recognize kindness when you receive it.

Reserve your harshest judgment. Sit on your worst thoughts about other people and consider the consequences before expressing them.

Be of service by finding something, or someone, to take care of.

Find creative ways to express your feelings.

Admit to your faults and failings, and resolve to do better.

Ask for forgiveness.

Work hard not to be defined by the worst things that have happened to you.

Recognize even the smallest blessings and express gratitude.

Be kind to receptionists, restaurant servers, dental hygienists, and anyone who needs to physically touch or serve you in order to do their job.

Understand that there are times when it is necessary to give up.

Spend time in nature.

Identify, develop, or explore your core ethical and/or spiritual beliefs.

Recognize and detach from your own need to control someone else.

Respect boundaries – yours and others’.

Seek the counsel of people who are wiser than you are. Ask their advice, and listen.

I sometimes supply “scripts” for people who have asked me for the right words to say, and so I thought I would boil these down to some of the most important statements I believe anyone can make.

They are:

I need help.

I’m sorry.

I forgive you.

I love you, just as you are.

I’m on your side.

You’re safe.

You are not alone.

Now that I’m near the end of my movie, I hope you’ll pay attention to the end credits.

Many thanks to Chicago friends and colleagues, including Jim Warren, who found me, Ann Marie Lipinski, who hired me, Steve Mandell, who represented me, and editors Mary Elson, Bill O’Connell and Carrie Williams. Thank you to “Gentleman Jack” Barry, who softened my exit.

And especially to Tracy Clark, a talented novelist who has helped to correct my faulty thinking and grammar for many years.

Finally, much gratitude to faithful readers, who can find me on social media and through my regular newsletter.

Onward!

Love,

Amy

[amplexadversary]

More Utena, ep 12 now.

Holy fuck the "I like you better like this" from multiple fronts is uh. Meant to give the audience the creeps I think, and it's certainly working on me.

That sudden outpouring of positive attention the second a GNC girl concedes even a little bit of feminine presentation is real and it is so fucking manipulative; it pairs well with the shtick Touga likes to pull.

--------------------------

I know more of the fuckery is hitting the main characters, but Wakaba must be going through it right now as well. Her boyfriend (a girl), has a fight with another girl the two have been hanging out with, there's another guy involved somehow who's a bit of a big deal, and suddenly she's not only presenting "normally" after being hugely resistant to doing so, but she's become almost completely passive?

Like, taking Wakaba as being gay that's probably something of a scare for her, the only woman she knows that's like Utena, the woman she loves changing like that is almost tantamount to saying that kind of woman isn't real.

(Edit: I forgot she had a thing for Saionji. Whoops.)

-----------------------------------

Ooh, credit to Wakaba for catching on pretty quickly after Touga got involved in front of her that he's a factor in the problem. Wakaba doesn't know shit but she has fucking eyes, which you can't always say about characters that aren't privy to the main plot of the work they're in.

Also, a little audience-only evidence as to Anthy's actual feelings after Touga cast doubt onto every aspect of her relationship with Utena. Like, we're not going to prove that Touga's wrong to Utena yet, but we'll confirm for the audience that Anthy does give more of a fuck about her situation than she's allowed to express.

--------------------------------------------

With what I've seen of Utena's character, I'd have thought it more likely for her to change back into her other uniform before the duel, but I think I broadly get why the show feels the need to show her fighting in the girls' uniform.

(I'll note that Pearl from SU is doing a LOT of heavy lifting here because of how much her character arc calls back to Utena; I'm finding it kind of cool that Pearl is kind of both Anthy and Utena in a way, which changes a lot of the dynamic; I'm starting to think that with all the things Rose Quartz was set up as having failed to do or be, for all her prestige, "failing to be fully-character-developed Utena" is on that list; Pearl does do the bulk of the major un-fucking of her own head after Rose's death, after all.)

Jury giving Utena the sword she uses in this battle is also very interesting, but I don't think I have enough information to really dig into the significance of that yet (assuming it's not like, text that's spelled out in a later episode). My working theory is that after re-visiting her own heartbreak she's throwing her support behind another lesbian, but there's still the bulk of the show that I haven't watched yet to potentially say otherwise.

-------------------------------------------------------

"ABANDON YOUR BODY AND PROTECT THE SWORD," ??????

Well I sure wonder if that's going to be the beginning of whatever explanation we might get for the ghost prince thing we've been seeing with Utena.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck, every time I see an allusion to the Galactic Railroad, I look it up, and by the time I see another one, I've forgotten the significance of it. That's actually kind of frustrating.

Speaking of Anthy being allowed to express things, the difference in her expressiveness between when she's with Utena and when she's with either of the other "suitors" is at least a visible improvement for her situation, even if she's still mired in the bizarre rose bride role.

[toldbytendo]

"here lie the ashes: releasing the ideal of black love and embracing reality"

In this post, I'm going to be talking about love. I don't know why, because I've got ten thousand other things to be focusing on in my life, but the lover girl in me is dying inside and I need to talk about it.

I know I'm not alone when I say that dating, relationships, talking stages are one of the worst things about navigating romantic relationships in this life, like one of the *worst* things ever, with it's infamous talking stage that seems in essence to be a contest of 'who can act like they don't care the most', or social media's standard of what constitutes the 'bare minimum' that for whatever reason we all need to abide by, I could go on, but the point is, it sucks.

It's insane to me that we have all these ways of connecting socially and digitally and yet genuine connections feel so much harder to come by. We've all become so incapable of having deep, meaningful conversations, romance appears dead, and it's all so very very frustrating. But, that's actually not what I'm here to talk about.

Today, I'm in mourning, *cue drama*, if I had one, I'd be wearing a Morticia Adams coded dress, maybe a veil for some drama and holding a bouquet of dead roses (not black roses - *dead* roses), yes - it's that deep. I'm mourning the loss of an ideal, a notion, a fairytale if you so wish. As is the nature on this blog, this sacred little corner of the internet of mine, this article represents an outpour of clogged, internal suffering, and stifled emotion from not being able to burst into tears in my family home anywhere but silently under my blanket in my tiny room, where no-one can hear me cry (I'm feeling very dramatic right now) and I've decided to share this rather painful revelation with anyone who might be reading, (I applaud anyone for being able to get this far, hats off to you.) I thought about adding a little PSA that this obviously doesn't apply to all Black men but I'm tired of feeling like I need to do that, I think that goes without saying and if you don't think it does then this isn't the place for you.

I am mourning the notion of 'Black love'. Yes, I know, it sounds insane. I'm not even sure I'm saying what I'm trying to say correctly anymore but who cares. I'm mourning Black love. I feel like I've always been taught to hold onto the ideal of Black love - that nineties kind of romance that shows like 'My Wife and Kids' and Martin + Gina' tried to sell us, where people that understood each other in a way that only someone who looks just like you truly can, that sees beauty in your skin because it's the same love they have for their own, that celebrate Blackness in all it's difficult but equally glorious forms with you.

For the longest time, this has been my dream. I've imagined my ideal relationship with a gorgeous dark-skinned man, sharing our culture, raising a beautiful Black daughter who would grow up seeing herself reflected in her parents' love and adoration. But lately, I've found myself wanting to let go of this notion-and it's not because I've decided that Black men are bad people universally, or that they deserve anything bad. It's simply because I cannot find it in myself to hold onto a dream based off nothing. When I was younger, I could dream like that because there was no experience to support it, just a little girl who loved Disney and wanted a man with the same colour skin as her to make her feel like a princess for the rest of her life, but I'm ready to let that go, because the twenty-three year old woman writing this article does have experiences, and she can't keep pretending that they haven't completely altered her desire and hope that Black love will always prevail.

I've been processing this feeling for quite a few days now, potentially even weeks and I've decided that I'm in mourning, I'm grieving, I'm laying this beautiful ideal of what I thought my idea of love should look like, to rest. The reality is that dating Black men has been filled with its own set of trials and tribulations, I've encountered men who aren't emotionally available, who don't value commitment, or who carry their own traumas so close to the surface that they haven't begun to heal and project that in their encounters with women. The experience of dating Black men has been to say, disheartening. I've held onto this ideal so tightly and so close to my heart, that the hurt is magnified. The experiences I've gone through have shattered the perception that I first entered the world of dating with, perhaps that was my first mistake, having any sort of expectation, nonetheless ones that were founded on nineties romantic comedies but how was a little girl with a love for television and romance to know what awaited her on the other side.

Letting go of the dream of Black love feels like letting go of a piece of myself. It's hard to accept the possibility that my ideal relationship may not look like what I imagined. It's hard to think about my future daughter and what lessons she'll learn about love and relationships from me, and how I may not be able to pass onto her the same beautiful notion that I once believed Black love to be. Growing up, movies and television provided such a beautiful comfort in this world with Black love, it was portrayed as this amazing, unbreakable bond, it felt like such a given, after all, as the daughter of a Black man and woman, and niece, granddaughter and cousin of so many others, what reason did I have to believe that Black love could be anything other than...easy, something I could rely on. But now, as I reflect on my experiences, it's difficult to ignore that most of the disrespect, pain and rejection I've endured in this world has come from Black men. It's even harder to hold onto this beautiful ideal when I'm constantly surrounded by so much on social media showing Black men not respecting, protecting or advocating for Black woman in the way I was shown in movies and television when I was younger. Seeing this reality day in and day out chips away at the hope and optimism that I once had for Black love.

Admitting this is painful, writing this is painful, I really do feel like I'm mourning a part of my identity, even now, I can feel a slither of hope, a refusal to accept my own words as I write them, as my mind begins to bring every beautiful Black couple I can name from the internet to the forefront of my mind, an ideal I'd cherished for so long, even manifested in my stories, in pinterest boards, in my social media following. I struggle with feelings of self-worth, questioning whether I'm asking for too much or if my standards are too high. But I know I deserve a love that is respectful, protective, peaceful and unwavering.

The rampant internalised self-hatred within Black communities, especially amongst Black men adds fuel to the fire in my heart. This self-hate stemming from societal perceptions, feels manifested in the experiences myself and other Black women have had with Black men. In my own experience, I've found that this inability to love themselves and their skin colour translates into how I've been treated emotionally. I once knew a Black guy that told me he dates both Black women and White women. He admitted that White women didn't have to be a ten out of then-they could be mid or basic looking, they had that permission. However, if he dated Black women, they had to be perfect, ten out of ten, all the time, looking good, body set good, just everything. This comparison highlights a painful reality: Black women have to work twice as hard to be considered beautiful to some Black men and that's just an insane concept to me that I'm so *so* done being told to accept.

Why is this such a common theme with Black men? It often feels like we're being punished for being Black women. This societal conditioning that places White/Eurocentric beauty on a pedestal seeps deep into our communities, affecting how Black men perceive and value Black women. It's disheartening and exhausting to always feel like we have to be the best of the best to be valued.

Thoughts of my future daughter add another layer to this conflict. How much harder will it be to explain racism, discrimination and prejudice to my her when she may not even have a foundation of Black love in her own home? It's a tough and conflicting thought, one that raises so many questions in my head of how interracial families actually navigate these conversations. I've always wanted my daughter to see and experience the beauty of Black love in the same way that I had growing up, but more than that, I want her to understand her worth and not settle for less than what she deserves, even if it means stepping outside the boundaries of what I once thought was essential.

Maybe letting go is necessary, maybe it's time to broaden my horizons and be open to love in whatever form it comes. it's a tough pill to swallow but perhaps it's the only way to find genuine, fulfilling love in this complicated dating landscape.

This isn’t some article begging Black men to love Black women as they are. This is about us, Black women, living boldly and beautifully, being comfortable with who we are. This isn’t about forcing an agenda or trying to 'bring back' Black love. If anything, it’s the opposite. This is me laying to rest an ideal that I’ve long since held onto but desperately need to let go of.

Black women, myself included, are beautiful and perfect just as we are. Letting go of the notion of Black love is me letting go of the idea of struggle love. I can't continue to exhaust myself for an ideal of love that lacks evidence or support.

I want Black men who love non-Black women to do so wholeheartedly, and for those who already do, to continue doing so. This isn’t about holding onto something that isn’t working. It’s about recognizing our worth, our beauty, and letting go of the struggle. It’s about moving forward, finding genuine love, and being open to whatever form it takes.

Let’s continue to live our truths, embrace our worth, and find love that respects and cherishes us for who we are.

RIP Black love—you will be missed, but I’m moving on. To all my sisters out there, let's keep living our truths, embracing our worth, and finding love that truly respects and cherishes us for who we are.

Date of Death - 25/06/2024

#blackwomen#blacklove#blackgirlmagic#genzdating#blackwomanhood#datingstruggles#relationshipgoals#selfworth#loveandrelationships#blackcommunity#blackexcellence#sisterhood#loveyourself#blackempowerment#interracialdating#selflove#blackvoices#healingjourney#datingingenz#realtalk#blackmen#blackmasculinity#blackbrotherhood#blackidentity#blackmanhood#dating#modernlove#relationshipadvice#datingadvice#singleslife#datinglife#romance#love#relationshipproblems#datingculture

[lifblogs]

Saw your post about PTSD and guns. I also have extreme triggers for both the sight and sound of guns. It makes me sick how little basic human empathy people have for people going through some of the worst events anyone can go through.

When what happened to me happened, I got an outpouring of support from people sending condolences, telling me “whatever I needed, just say it”. Until I told them I didn’t want to watch a movie with guns. Until I told them I didn’t want to see guns (I live in the rural U.S. midwest for reference). Until I get triggered by the sound of guns. All sympathy is gone when you deign to be affected by one of the most traumatic events people can go through. People love their goddamned guns (even many people who are against gun rights love media with guns) until they have to look the people who are affected by gun violence in the eyes and realize they actually exist, so it’s easier if you just shut up and be a good traumatized survivor.

Fucking exactly! I am so thankful for you opening up, even on anon (I knew I kept it on for good reason), and I am so deeply sorry for what happened to you.

I faced the same thing. It was, “Tell us how you feel. It’s okay if you scream.” And then it was, “Don’t let this ruin everything for you. You won’t watch a movie because it has a gun in it? That’s insane!” As if they could even comprehend the horror inside my mind whenever I see a gun. And where is the EMPATHY, right? I’m a problem to some people because I can’t continue my Supernatural fics, I refuse to watch new shows and movies, I refuse to watch live action, I refuse to laugh at some memes. I didn’t realize till what happened happened that there are guns EVERYWHERE. I can handle them a bit better with reading, but hell no to seeing one on-screen. I mean, sure, I see a couple since I’m rewatching Doctor Who (which used to be my hyperfixation), so I’m kind of okay with it. Yes, things play over in my mind on repeat, but I can kind of handle it. I think.

But why, why, why is our trigger such a big deal to other people? It’s not like they have to go through any of this. It’s not like they have to feel our pain. So why is it a problem? And why is it something to brush off, or laugh at? It’s a trigger people DO NOT take seriously, and they need to. I wish I could make them see.

Again, thank you. I… felt really alone.

[goldinavonlea]

still articulating my unreasonably long post on why ‘I forgive you’ was the most deliciously gut-wrenching response Aziraphale could have given in that moment but in the mean time, when God was speaking to Job both Crowley and Aziraphale were absolutely astonished. Aziraphale comments that he doesn’t suppose Job is getting any answers out of the conversation (and his tone there i will come back to in another post but that’s a separate thing), and Crowley says ‘No, but just to be able to ask the question…’

The Metatron, who is—as a brief aside from critical analysis into blatant personal opinion—creepy as all fuck, remembers Crowley from before the Fall, and comments on his always having had a fierce tendency towards independence and asking ‘damn fool questions’.

It’s funny because I’d always been operating under the assumption that God, being ineffable etc etc, never actually interacted directly with the angels—that most of them had never seen or spoken to her at all, which is obviously supported now in-show by Crowley and Aziraphale’s response to the Job conversation, and indeed the general existence of the Metatron at all. But I’d never thought about it in the context of how Crowley fell—I’d sort of vaguely assumed it was one of his yelling at the sky deals, and that it had been God directly who cut Crowley off from the Host. But. That comment from the Metatron, plus the scene from before the beginning making it very clear that Crowley fully intended to take his questions and comments as high as he could out of a genuine desire to be helpful and the total faith that he wasn’t doing anything wrong he could get in trouble for… Crowley’s Shouting At God are very much framed as an outpouring of frustration, made in the context of him knowing there’s absolutely no way he’s going to get a response or be listened to, that it’s futile. Pre-Fall Crowley had no reason to believe that and clearly didn’t—he just thought he’d stroll into the boss’ office, point out the flaws in only running a universe for 6000 years and how that would fuck with his stars, likely be given a head pat for his good thinking, and then get back to work. But clearly it didn’t happen that way, because why that response to Job if Crowley himself had ever been granted the opportunity to pose his doubts to the face of his creator?

At the moment the clear conclusion to me is that the one he ended up actually asking questions of was the Metatron. don’t have enough yet to say whether I reckon he would have had the power to have someone banished from Heaven himself and directly, as in going behind God’s back (and wouldn’t know how to feel about it if they went down that kind of path of ‘Oh no of course God’s good and perfect this mean villainous old man has just been fucking with her plans’, largely because I was thinking how interesting it would be to get more of God as a character, her motivations, and to see whether in-universe the conclusion is that God’s a benevolent parent who needs to let her kids make their own choices even if they get hurt along the way, or that she’s a narcissist baddie who enjoys playing with the lives of her creations like a cat with a mouse; and I’ve decided that the most interesting and in-line with the story’s messages answer would be that God made messy complicated flawed people in her own image, and that like everyone else she tries her best and fucks up a lot along the way), BUT at this moment I’m feeling reasonably convinced that the Metatron was directly involved in Crowley’s fall, which doesn’t necessarily have significant plot implications but Definitely has the room to add some zest emotionally

[moldwood]

i have 15 minutes before my work day starts, so why not have some reflections on 2023 for the lunar new year since my zodiac the dragon returns to me ☀️

PASSION

at the very end of the year, i did something i had always wanted to do and stepped down from work into a substitute position so i could focus on my art. it has been... slow, but i think it was the right move. whenever im not making something, i really cannot stand life. of course, i wont be able to stand it if i cant eat either, so well see how things turn out by the end of this year. i do think i need to get some art priorities in order, because im jumping around between a lot of projects which means theyre all getting done very slowly. i need to start focusing on one thing at a time, i think, but i really am enjoying the new stronger presence art has in my life.

MOOD

i really feel better than ever in regards to myself! most likely due to the aforementioned outpouring of passion into things ive wanted to do for YEARS. for the past few years, ive been a bit more aware of everything going on in my head than when i was a teen since i was still processing a lot of trauma, so ive been letting myself have a bit more slack on the rope in terms of "acting out of character" if that makes any sense. having a solid personality isnt something i really worry about since i know your sense of self is always shifting in every circumstance, but there were just some ways i never acted before that i let myself try on, find out its not for me, and then i end up feeling even more solid in who i am since i know what im not. i always knew i wasnt a giggly, happy-go-lucky person, but now i know that i can feel that way when i really really like someone. laios im talking about laios i have to be honest.

FRIENDSHIP

i think its my own personal failing that i overlook red flags from friends and try to make excuses for their behavior up until its too late and i have trouble not realizing that giving them an open space to be themself away from the world and support isnt enough to change that some are the type of people who are just looking for an excuse to think poorly of you anyway. i dont think im an overly kind person who will coddle someone being bad to me or a friend, but i definitely dont put my foot down enough. it happens in minor ways, but it happened in a major way again recently. if i had a dime for every time it turned into something severe, i would have two dimes. eight years apart and i let someone do the same thing, just minus suicide baiting me this time

tldr a friend of a friend sent that friend some stuff and it turns out that a friend who is no longer a friend turned into an islamophobe or at least started following islamophobic accounts and is very... delusional about the whole friendship + the kind of people we are + how we thought of him + really just wanted to think the worst of us and felt now he had a reason. we didnt read much more and felt no need to. its for the best that it's over, though, i think. he really was like that the whole friendship and didnt put any value on the things i/we did for him because it was never enough, which i knew the whole time but ignored because i thought if i did enough it would be enough, which leads me to:

i have been focusing more on loving my friends lately in the wake of that. i always have, though im not very vocal/chatty, so ive always shown it in my own way through giving drawings and gifts whenever im able. im never worried that i dont have a place in their lives, and im trying to worry less about the disconnect between how im thought of vs how i am. i think more what i am focusing on now is that i was always a very busy person, so while my friends were always very important to me, i want to do even more to show that since i want them to be sure of it. i dont have much time for any more projects, but i want to make sure they know i would do all i can for them outside of just drawing. i think this will help a bit with feeling more comfortable saying when i think something theyre doing isnt chill to me since the feeling would Hopefully go from me being bossy to me being just looking out for them being their best selves/not letting myself be misunderstood which just happens bc i dont talk very clearly not out of any lack of caring (there is a jumbled mess between my head and my mouth)

i also want to try to make new friends, or at least new acquaintances. theres a few people (mutuals 🥴) ive really wanted to talk to more, but i never know what to say. which makes sense, since i dont even talk with my friends all that much, usually only just whatever comes up in the current conversation in vc. autism damned. that boy cannot hold a conversation for his life. but maybe drawings are the way to go. my hands are all ive got IN SUMMARY

there are more thoughts and i dont have time to reread + word everything all nice because i have to work now. it is all a rambling train of thought mess. BUT tldr: life is really good right now and i feel more solid in the friendships im keeping and i am excited for my future art endeavors now that the last thing i was waiting for (the mixing palette!!!) came in. of course friendship is the longest section its the most important thing to me. anyway dreams for the year quickly ummmmm

✦ i want to learn how to use gouache. i have it! but i have to wait till i get a few projects out to get started. i think this will be very fun and very good for me because its been so long since ive played with a new medium ✦ i want to get better at small talk. how is the weather? do you like this type of weather? what type of weather do you like? what do you like to do when it is that type of weather? ✦ i want to visit prague to see if moving there would be good + feasible. my mom and half sister want to take a trip there, so i really hope that pans out and we can all go! ✦i want to work through my moral ocd about opening up a patreon/kofi and selling merch. people wouldnt subscribe if they didnt already have the money to. it doesnt matter if i make and sell 40 acrylic charms that are plastic and bad for the environment, taylor swift takes a private jet for a 20 minute car ride. ✦ i want to reach a higher fluency with arabic. its hard to find time to practice with my huge workload, so i think once i get better at time management with the projects, i can devote my mornings to a lesson a day and make better progress. ✦ lastly ig i want to try more new foods. i have been for the past several years, but i still am not the best at having good food consistently. im too busy right now to cook every day, so again i guess when i get better at time management between projects and life, i can devote some time in the week to meal prep + cooking good food. thank you laios dungeon meshi for reinforcing this. i already knew it but now theres a hot boy telling me it

2024 the year of more wahoooooo more taking more giving more drawing more cooking more dreaming more sun in the summer

[zube]

Sprinkle Some Money On It

I attended Michigan State University in the mid 2000s, so obviously my social feeds are full of an outpouring of grief, anger, shock, and all other types of emotional outpourings we as Americans have become all too familiar with. I get to experience this tragedy in a new way, however, as I now have people asking me what they can do to help, and most often, where can they make a contribution to help. I truly believe this comes from a good place. I have even privately donated some money myself to help cater some meals for the counselors who are now on campus providing care. But I'm not going to say where to donate, and I'm not entirely certain that donation does much. Here's the crux: money doesn't make this better. Money doesn't do much to help at all. But America loves donating. It's easy, it's relatively cheap, and it can give us a sense of accomplishment. We can feel like we helped without having to actually give up much at all.

Perhaps in a more stoic mindset, I could plumb my mind for the reasons donations are so valuable. Certainly I can think of victims that survive needing medical bill assistance. I'm also not discounting that survivors may need access to new services, equipment, and counseling. All of those cost money. All of us would benefit from help there. I see these as systematic failures, however. But, I am not wholly discounting the need for donations. My main point here is that donations are our default - and that's a problem.

As a broad generalization, Americans seem to want to sprinkle money on problems as though that's a solution. Politicians are going to ask for donations so they can help our communities be safer. People will donate to organizations that support gun violence legislation. None of those work without people showing up to hearings, voting, calling their reps, holding reps responsible when they don't do anything, or worse yet, recite gun lobby talking points.

We need effort not money. We need to understand gun violence research. We need to insist that gun violence research be permitted in the first place. We need to move beyond meme-level arguments. Guns don't kill people, people kill people opposition just doesn't cut it anymore. Of course violence is easier when there is ready access to and the ability to conceal tools that are designed to inflict damage. But we can't just focus on the guns alone. I do not claim to be an expert here, but is seems like the leading causes of gun violence are:

Despair

Depression

Anger

Resentment

We need to do something about that. Why are we ok with a society that requires people to fall through a concrete floor before they get to a safety net? Why are community mental health/counseling services so inaccessible to so many in need? Why are we comfortable providing platforms for people to stoke violence without consequence? Why do we seemingly want a culture of individuals ready to personally defend themselves at all times. As a friend pointed out in another post, we shouldn't want to live in a John Wayne movie. I really enjoy post-apocalyptic fiction. Because it's fiction. I don't want to live it.

There's more to write, but I don't think I can. I'm upset but more at how numbing and mundane these acts of violence are. And we're not going to do anything about it. So, sprinkle some money on it. And I'll see you next shooting. Different time, different place, same outcome.

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

It’s 2:30 in the morning, I’m severely depressed because I left my laptop at my best friend’s house, everything out is gross and rainy, and it fucking hailed today so I’m doing the only thing I can think to do which is give my hot take. And it’s this:

Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff would be the best parents in the entire MCU. Bar none. End of story.

And I know there are going to be people like “But what about Stark?! What about Barton?! Did Wanda and Vision’s story mean nothing to you?!”. To you people: Sit down. This is their moment. Y’all had yours already, and they likely never will so let me get this out of my system okay?

Bruce and Natasha would be incredible parents because they both understood what it felt like to hurt as children. Natasha was raised as part of a project with a fake family. Bruce’s father was severely abusive and killed his mother. They both have done everything they could to make sure no one would have to suffer as they did.

And before you go “but what about the Hulk?!”, I’m here to tell you: If you don’t think Bruce would do everything in his power to protect that baby from the hulk, you’re wrong. And if you think the hulk would harm a kid, then you’re forgetting that he was born out of Bruce’s anger over his father’s treatment of him AS A CHILD and his mother. I know we all love to just think about the hulk smashing things but come on. He has a heart.

They would love and spoil that child rotten. Both of them having fertility issues means that either by virtue of adoption or a combination of magic and science, that child is a miracle. And they would do everything to give them a good life. Both of them are polyglots so that kid would grow up learning multiple languages. Bruce is a genius, so if they wanted to homeschool, they could. Nat is skilled in marksmanship and would make sure they could hit targets and exercise. But despite them both being introverted people, they would make sure that kid got out there to make friends because they understood what it was to be lonely, and would never want it for that child.

Bruce reads stories and gives baths every evening, getting to enjoy playing with them. Natasha spends time chasing them around, playing whatever imaginary games they enjoy, just happy to see them so unburdened.

Gender means nothing here. Boy, girl, non-binary, or trans, this kid is getting taught everything. Bruce is shockingly great at baking and would spend stormy nights baking cinnamon buns with his child, the way his mom did when he was upset as a kid. Nat would never let a girl be told she couldn’t make a basketball team, or let a boy be told he couldn’t do ballet. She would work with them and show them that they could do it.

Bruce is a master at helping with emotional intelligence. He has enough for himself that he can pass on his mistakes and victories to a child, and hope that they’ll learn from him that anger can be a messy feeling, but when channeled correctly and carefully, it can be a force for good. Nat teaches them how to know when it’s safe to let their guard down with someone, because sometimes it’s dangerous but other times, it can be rewarding.

The two of them often flip traditional gender roles in the face. Bruce enjoys being as much of a stay at home dad as he can, often answering questions and making good memories with their child. Nat, meanwhile, loves going out in the field and feeling as though she accomplished something, going home to be rewarded with snuggles and excited exclamations about what they did today. The two of them often switch off with working, but always come to every event that child has, in an outpouring of support.

This is not to say that they aren’t sometimes triggered by this child they love so much. Because oh, it happens. Bruce catches himself starting to yell like his father used to and stops mid-sentence before hugging them, apologizing, asking Nat for help, and then going to deal with his feelings. Nat sometimes tries to push that child away when she feels touched out, but then remembers what it felt like on those lonely nights as a child when she did something wrong, and hugs them, later on having a drink and thinking through what she could have done better. The two of them talk often about what they’re going through to the other and are incredibly supportive to one another. Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

The two of them believe in one another, they say how proud they are of the other often. Kisses are exchanged, and the time after bedtime is spent curling up with some tea and Netflix on the nights when they don’t have to clean as much. They’re affectionate as a couple but private. The child somehow understands this and reflects their quiet sort of love with gestures of help and remembering what they like in regard to food, music, jewelry etc. for birthdays, Christmases, and important occasions.

Natasha gets to see this child grow up completely secure and loved with no secrets between them. Bruce gets to be the dad he always wished he’d had, and it heals him in so many ways he can’t explain. And while they sometimes wish that they had more family around, more normal jobs, more money, or just more time, they both know that they’re giving this kid everything they have. And at the end of the day, they go to bed smiling about it.

Bruce and Natasha would be the greatest parents in the MCU. And we were robbed of seeing it.