#and he kind of HATES IT because it's so primitive and he really thought he was better than that LOL

[bones-of-calamity]

i woke up in a cold sweat with this cursed AU for MCSM. this is my contribution as a paleontology nerd, i’m so sorry in advance

stupid AU where everything is the same, but everyone is a raptor of some kind. i am such a nerd that i legitimately put thought into what type of dinosaur each character would be and why, and i’ll give explanations for each one. this was stupid and really rushed, but it was so much fun to do, and i hope you all enjoy???

—————————————-

let’s start with Jesse, who was the second easiest choice behind Axel; they are a speculative smaller subspecies of Deinonychus antirrhopus.

Deinonychus was one of the most important discoveries in paleontology, and would give rise to what is known as “the Dinosaur Renaissance”, which sparked how we see dinosaurs today. this was because of it’s clear appearance as an agile, active predator (which is not how dinosaurs were seen at the time of its discovery), and later, it’s striking resemblance to the feathered, gliding dinosaur Archaeopteryx. Deinonychus even modeled how the “Velociraptors” looked in Jurassic Park! however, the issue lies in the fact that Deinonychus was a medium-sized raptor, and Jesse… well, they’re not very tall. i really wanted to use Deinonychus, but the size wasn’t right, so i settled for a speculative, smaller subspecies. Deinonychus is also speculated to be a pack hunter, which would definitely work in Jesse’s favor. also i think it’s funny; Deinonychus antirrhopus means “counterbalanced terrible claw”, and i find that to be the most ironic thing for Jesse, given how clumsy they are. i love it.

———————————————

next, Axel! he was the EASIEST choice by far; he is a Utahraptor ostrommaysorum.

you probably already know Utahraptor; it’s the largest and most heavily built of all raptors, often growing just over 6 ft tall at the hips. Axel is also very tall and heavily built, so that immediately clicks. but adding on to this, in contrast with other raptors, Utahraptor was likely more of an ambushing raptor rather than a pursuit raptor, and that clicks with Axel hating running and relying on more aggressive and explosive tactics, so to speak. and finally, the most funny detail; if you’ll notice, the Utahraptor’s lower jaw juts out slightly and curves away from the upper jaw. this was probably to gain a better grip on prey, but it does give them a very strange look even when their mouth is closed. it makes that comment that Lukas made about Axel being a mouth breather even funnier, at least to me.

————————————-

Olivia! i had a little bit of trouble with her, but i think i settled on a good one; she is a Dromaeosaurus albertensis.

Dromaeosaurus was a shier, smaller raptor that lived up north in what is now Canada, enduring freezing polar winters and months of total darkness. it’d take a lot of brains to be able to pull strings to survive that, which Olivia certainly provides. Dromaeosaurus also relied more on the chase and brain power, rather than brute force, though they would’ve if needed be. recent studies also show that raptors probably had very similar capabilities to modern birds, so if they had a brain kind of like corvids, they could’ve even used primitive tools at times. comes in handy with redstone, eh? Dromaeosaurus was also a good tracker, thanks to its sensitive nose and sharp eyes. also, they’re very important but often overlooked. Dromaeosaurus was the leading dinosaur for the names of all under the “raptor” umbrella; the dromaeosaurids.

————————————

Petra! she’s my favorite character, i’ll just admit that lmao. but i gave her the same treatment as everyone else here, so; she is an Austroraptor cabazai.

Austroraptor was a tall, lean, and quick raptor which inhabited the warm swamps of South America. obviously, Petra is the second tallest in The New Order, and Austroraptor was the second tallest raptor on record, so that checks out. but i think the build of Austroraptor checks out too; it’s moderately built, both for speed and strength, with the classic claw. it was very slender and judging from their leg bones, could be a very good pursuit raptor that could also maintain speeds for extended periods of time, which matches Petra’s love to race and run. what sets Austroraptor apart, however, is it’s diet; it was speculated to be at least partially piscivorous, meaning it ate a lot of fish. it’s teeth were slightly conical and acted almost like hooks, which would be quite painful to an opponent. Austroraptor was pretty good at it’s niche, but it wasn’t afraid to go elsewhere if needed. And Petra loves to go elsewhere.

—————————-

Lukas! he was a little tricky for me to figure out, i’m not gonna lie. i was stuck between these two: Velociraptor mongoliensis and Saurornitholestes langstoni. but i had to choose only one, and i ultimately had to go with a speculative larger subspecies of Velociraptor, since i already broke the size rule with Jesse.

Velociraptor is the most widely known, famous, and beloved raptor of all time, and obviously a fan favorite, so that already checks a box. but adding to this, Velociraptor is a very well-documented dinosaur with some incredible specimens. Velociraptors were also likely to be stealthy and tenacious hunters who used their brains, speed, and ability to take a tumble (which Lukas does a LOT) to their advantage. Lukas is also confirmed in game to be attractive (which is still so funny to me), so i added all kinds of cool looking display feathers in a blue color, because 1) his text and eyes are a blueish color and 2) blue is a kinda rare color in nature, and a lot of birds today seem to like the it. also, in episode 7, remember how his nose wasn’t right in the portrait? i kind of like to imagine that Cassie heard that he was a Velociraptor and assumed he was the Jurassic Park version? so Lukas just comes in, sees the portrait, and is like “where tf are my feathers”

——————-

last but not least; Rueben! i had some trouble picking out a genus and species, but i knew immediately that he had to be a small ceratopsian. i chose for him, Microceratus gobiensis.

Microceratus is an adorable looking ceratopsian that was only about the size of a very small dog. but don’t let it’s appearance fool you. ceratopsians have some of the biggest characters and presences in paleontology, with the audacity to match. Rueben definitely has character, personality, and audaciousness. don’t get me wrong, they would probably rather not fight (at least some of them. can’t say the same for Triceratops), but they sure would’ve if they had to. Microceratus doesn’t have a ton of defenses, but it did have a sharp, crushing beak, and could dodge and run very quickly if it had to. it’s front legs were a bit shorter than it’s hind legs, which allowed it to run bipedally. i also just generally think of ceratopsians like the wild boars and rhinos of the dinosaur world, so i guess that just fits, considers Rueben’s main attack is headbutting (which makes me think i could’ve made him a pachycephalosaur too). i just love the idea of this tiny prey creature sticking with a bunch of predators who constantly protect him.

that’s all for now!! thank you for reading and allowing me to infodump about my special interest combined with a hyperfixation lol. i might do more stupid sketches based on this idea in the future if people like it

[thedeal-if]

💓 for fluff and 💔 for angst

angst 😈

the ask game!

This took surprisingly not as long as I thought it would lol ty anon

💓 - what gets their heart racing?

(Warning for very slight nsfw? It's so mild I won't even tag it tbh, just Lilith being lilith)

Dante: holding hands under the table—everything that has something to do with hands, really, touching and being touched. Compliments and eternal talks of art and music—he knows little of the former but could blow your mind with the latter. Your eyes upon receiving the latest grand gift Dante has been agonizing over—because the concept of delayed gratification is so foreign to him.

Lilith: the tendrils of anticipation before they take the plunge—the little pang of nerves after they've spent an entire day pondering something and finally decided ‘Yes, let’s give it a chance’. Being allowed to touch and taste and feel the welcomed warmth of a body next to theirs. Having their eyes graced by a pretty face—and not a conventional beauty either, but something they consider beautiful, someone they can’t help but compliment and want to seduce.

Josh: a sudden realization, a stray thought—“fuck but I could listen to them talk about nothing for hours”—, and the unexpectedness of it, but knowing that it’s okay, it’s alright. A hand running through his head—no matter if it’s a gentle pat or the sharpness of nails scratching his scalp. The sincerest compliments, simple in nature but as fulfilling as they’re meaningful: ‘You did well, I’m proud of you.’

Villanelle: she wants to be with you by the fire, fighting the frigid weather in the most primitive way. She wants to cook with you, order coffee with you, wash your teeth together—side-by-side, stealing glances in the mirror and holding back the laughter in-between mouthfuls of toothpaste, like it’s a secret. It’s all displays of domesticity, the physical proof that ‘this’ is real.

Victor: It was most definitely not his idea—otherwise what’s the point? Why would he react that way? But Victor can’t deny it feels like a punch to the gut when he sees you wearing his clothes—can punches even feel good, or is he so far gone that pain means pleasure? Apparently, it does: the thrill of teaching you how to defend yourself, of guiding you, watching you grow and learn, receiving your hits steadily—it doesn’t feel bad, not at all.

Aliyah: she pushes, she hates and she bites when she has to, but your backbone—it always takes her by surprise, even more than your kindness—is a kick, a buzz, and a flutter at the same time. Aliyah likes it just as she likes how opinionated you are, how you never back down from a fight. What she often mistakes as defensiveness, a need to fight, might be simply excitement and excitement alone.

Nathan: as an angel, Nathan experiences such a primal reaction at the sight of what he considers as beauty, overwhelming in its nature, and just as unexplainable as everything else. The other side of the scale is perhaps not as romantic: Nathan adores a challenge. Having someone question his ideals, fighting for his opinions, listening to someone else’s, discussing any sort of topic no matter how trivial or boring. The ultimate excitement in life is to be right.

Eden: he likes your voice, Eden should mention it, but he’s too busy listening to everything you say—and everything you don’t say, all those little details, inferences, contexts, and implications. He draws lines and pictures in his mind, falling deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole until he sees your story with his own eyes. It’s the silence too, the quiet companionship, the knowledge that the peacefulness doesn’t necessarily have to be broken, but Eden still knows everything you’re thinking with just a glance.

💔 - what could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

(I'm itching to write an angst scenario but it would be beyond spoilery so—)

Dante: physical jails pose a challenge—the thrill of breaking out—but metaphorical prisons chain your soul. Feeling that someone has that control over him, that he doesn't have the freedom to make his own decisions and mistakes— that would be heartbreaking, wouldn’t it?

Lilith: it’s a side of her she has never shown, you know? A face she has never deigned to see in the mirror. But she decided she trusted you and she decided you deserved to see the visage of a demon—the face of the monster she wears under the pretty mask you call Lilith. It’s your rejection, it breaks her more than you’d know.

Josh: any kind of uncertainty, of being unsure. Of knowing too little. Or perhaps too much. It’s not like it takes him by surprise—did he fool you into believing so? Josh would rather embrace deafness than hear the disappointment in your voice. But who is he kidding? It’s not like he can escape your eyes.

Villanelle: she has spent her 25 years on this Earth choosing to avoid her problems, tucking them away—tucking, tucking, tucking away, all her shelves, cupboards, and boxes are filled with unpacked shit, honestly. Any sort of conflict, the mere idea of being confronted negatively— it feels like she’s burning alive.

Victor: you’re… hard to understand, you know? Victor is a simple enough man, complications make his head spin. It’s undeniable, though. You were the one who chose to get close to him. You chased him around, pried his shell open like a knife would a clam, Victor trusted you— and now you’ve discarded him. No explanations given, just a sharp goodbye. Nothing more.

Aliyah: would it make you feel any less special to know that you are most definitely not the first one? Oh, Aliyah would make a list, but her memory doesn’t go that far back. Not even betrayal would sting this bad. Definitely not. It’s watching you die. The reminder that time really is just a relativity for her, while it is a deadline for you. Aliyah never got along with Death. They take too much, too fast.

Nathan: he’s so used to being the main and primary driver, the owner of the temple called ‘Nathan,’ he who for centuries was just Nathan. Not Nathan and Azriel. He can joke all he wants, he can push the truth around like a disgusting meal he can’t be bothered to try— but Nathan hates that you like Azriel. Or that you like him more. He hates being considered the same individual, he hates everything Azriel stands for, hates being pushed toward the passenger seat and losing sight of himself.

Eden: against all rationality and common reason—because that’s the only way to refer to the denial of the truth—Eden would only feel a sense of brokenness if you refused to look at him in the eye. He ignores the matter at first, it’s dumb to fixate on such a thing with no proof. But then you mention the power he holds, the power he inherited as a descendant of Solomon. So many assumptions could be made about such a thing— but Eden halts and entertains one. You too, like everyone else, believe that he’s a weapon, uncontrolled, to wield and otherwise ignore.

I think the point of ask games is to brief but the real challenge is to make me get straight to the point.

[perseephoneee]

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 @mayfieldss (aka love of my life)

↳ masterlist  ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ 1k celebration

-͟͟͞☆ I ship you with Carol Danvers! Carol is tough, and headstrong, but kind. She's ridiculously loyal and is good at owning up to her mistakes (so hard to find sometimes). She'd flirt hardcore with you (both of you are feisty), but she wouldn't let you down. She would become someone you can trust and feel comfortable letting your walls down around. Also, hello? Do we remember the singing planet? She's secretly a theater kid too.

-͟͟͞☆ Headcanons:

Carol takes you to visit her political husband. You guys kind of hit it off (throuple???). Also, everyone loves hearing you play instruments.

You love to give gifts to Carol, but also Goose usually ends up eating the gift :(

Nick Fury is somewhat offput by your sarcasm, but comes around to really appreciating you. Together, you are Carol's worst nightmare.

-͟͟͞☆ Tropes:

Springtime flowers (you) x Snow in winter (Carol)

Would get arrested together

-͟͟͞☆ Playlist:

california friends the regrettes

kiss me sixpence none the richer

all the small things blink-182

-͟͟͞☆ Character you're most like: Yelena Belova

-͟͟͞☆ I ship you with Isaac Lahey! Isaac is a man who is very obviously turned on by strong women (lol), and you being sassy with him would be his undoing. He gets having trust issues, and you guys could help each other through it. He's cool under pressure, and is 100% victim of the sassy man apocalypse (so sorry in advance queen).

-͟͟͞☆ Headcanons:

Isaac asks you to read over his essays (he's not a good writer, but you are), and it is always almost returned covered in red ink. Thankfully, you find it adorable.

He kept trying to ask you out. It mostly came out as all jumbled until he finally got it out. You were so shocked that you didn't respond for a good ten minutes and he thought you hated him. You just shut him up by kissing him.

-͟͟͞☆ Tropes:

himbo (him) x girlboss (you)

orange cat (him) x black cat (you)

-͟͟͞☆ Playlist:

all i want kodaline

crash the primitives

superman taylor swift

-͟͟͞☆ Character you're most like: Stiles Stilinski

Okay, this one was hella hard. I decided to give two options because I'm indecisive.

-͟͟͞☆ First person I thought of was Meg. Meg is…kind of cold (obvious), but she has an appreciation for people who are authentic. She'd love how true to yourself you were, and would find your feisty but kind nature to be sexy as hell.

-͟͟͞☆ The other person I think you could work with is Dean. Dean needs someone to put him in his place, but also act as an anchor through his life(you would be perfect for that!) You would totally bicker, all the time, but at the end of the day, you would just snuggle up and be alright. He would be so head over heels for you it's insane.

-͟͟͞☆ Headcanons (Meg):

Team Free Will wouldn't even know that Meg had a girlfriend. You'd just show up one day and their jaws would drop lol.

Meg would always be the one to push you towards opportunities you wouldn't otherwise take. She's your #1 fan.

sharing clothes. sharing clothes. sharing clothes.

-͟͟͞☆ Headcanons (Dean):

Sam was the one who set you guys up. He was tired of the constant (obvious) flirting and decided to take matters into his own hands.

Frequent movie nights in the Dean Cave.

-͟͟͞☆ Tropes (Meg):

Demon (Meg) x Angel (You)

Love at first sight

-͟͟͞☆ Tropes (Dean):

will they won't they

"i'm with you till the end of the line"

-͟͟͞☆ Playlist (Meg):

lovesong beabadoobee

boyfriend dove cameron

i want to be with you chloe moriondo

-͟͟͞☆ Playlist (Dean):

so american olivia rodrigo

just like heaven the cure

how soon is now love spit love

-͟͟͞☆ Character you're most like: Jo

[loominggaia]

What if Soverain and Mr. Ocean's parents were never assassinated?

Now that's an interesting question...There are so many factors at play here, it's impossible to say what would really happen. But I can say two things for sure:

1 ) The Aquarian Alliance either wouldn't exist, or it would look very different than it does now.

The Tekeetian King and Queen were very strict about staying out of Terrian affairs. They believed that Terrians were too primitive-minded to interact with cecaelia in any meaningful way, so there was nothing to gain by provoking them or trying to form an alliance. They didn't exactly hate Terrians, they just thought of them as victims of their own ignorance; like stupid, savage apes that should be left alone in the wilderness.

After their deaths, Sovereign took this mindset to an extreme. He escalated this superiority complex into a genocidal rampage against the Terrians, believing they were too stupid to govern themselves at all, and they would eventually destroy the world if they were left to their own devices. He believes that cecaelia are the only species intelligent enough to govern a functioning society, so it's the cecaelia's responsibility to govern Terrians and everyone else.

If Sovereign's parents were still alive, they wouldn't have let him escalate to that point. They would have kept his aggressive behavior in check, and probably found alternative ways to solve the pollution crisis that Terrians were causing.

In the current timeline, Sovereign tried to solve this crisis with violence, and it failed. Mr. Ocean tried to solve it with peaceful activism, and that also failed. Given their isolationist mindsets, I think their parents wouldn't have approached the Terrians at all, believing they can't control the actions of others.

Instead, they would have been proactive about changing what they actually could, by starting in their own back yard. Rather than trying to make the Terrians stop polluting, the King and Queen would have promoted research to deal with this pollution so it didn't affect Tekee. They wouldn't care what happened to other Aquarians or the Terrians themselves, their concerns lied only with themselves and their people.

So, if the Aquarian Alliance did form, Sovereign wouldn't be the one to form it. It would be some other pissed off Aquarian(s) who want the Terrians to stop polluting the sea.

2 ) Mr. Ocean never would have met Solveig. In fact, he probably never would have interacted with Terrians at all.

Mr. Ocean claims he was "a slow child", and his tribe considered him intellectually disabled. Now, if you've read the series then you know Mr. Ocean isn't stupid. He's actually brilliant, but he is really quirky, and it's clear that his people didn't understand his unique way of thinking. They mistook his uniqueness for some kind of mental defect. They did not try to understand him, they only tried forcing him to conform with everyone else and act like someone he was not. Of course he struggled to do this, so they just wrote him off as "slow-minded".

After their parents died, Sovereign started experimenting on Ocean to "cure" his disabilities, but these treatments just made him sicker and sicker, until Sovereign just kinda banished him to a cave in the wilderness because he didn't know what else to do with him.

If the King and Queen were alive, they wouldn't have let those experiments happen, and they certainly wouldn't have banished their son. Mr. Ocean's parents did not understand his quirks any more than the rest of his tribe did, but at least they had genuine love for him. His mother was especially protective of him, and though her efforts to "fix" him were misguided, her heart was in the right place. She just wanted him to be healthy and happy.

To her, that meant keeping him away from anyone who might exploit his disabilities. She certainly wouldn't have let Mr. Ocean interact with Terrians, so he never would have fixated on the Blackoak Tribe, and never would have met Solveig.

With his parents still on the throne, Sovereign probably would have become a military general at some point, or maybe the tribe's head sorcerer. The point is, he would have been too busy to play mad scientist with Ocean. I'm sure he'd still be a narcissist, but instead of fucking with his brother's head and slaughtering innocent Terrians, he would have been forced to touch grass and get a life. By the time his parents died of old age and relinquished their thrones to him, he'd be married, more mature, and more chilled out. He wouldn't have as much opportunity to stew in anger and hatred as he did in the current timeline.

As for Mr. Ocean's fate, I think it would actually be a lot more tragic. His parents feared for his safety and didn't let him leave the palace much. They knew he would be bullied and exploited by others in the outside world (which was true, and unfortunately came to pass in the original timeline...)

This sheltering would have continued for as long as they lived, well into his adulthood. They wrote him off as a simpleton and greatly underestimated what he was capable of, so they wouldn't have invested much in his education or experiences. He would have been cooped up and coddled for most of his life, never challenged or encouraged to grow. In this way, I think he would have never reached his brilliant potential at all. He would have remained dim-witted and childish until the day he died, never knowing romance or adventure or anything beyond his backyard.

Honestly I'm not sure which timeline is "better"...In the original, Sovereign is out of control and entire kingdoms are at war, but Mr. Ocean has at least made a happy life for himself. But this alternate timeline is like the exact opposite; the world has more peace, but Mr. Ocean suffers.

That's really sad to think about. :( But very interesting nonetheless!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

[meetthehacker]

hiii hacker hello!! how are you?? my question for u is how do u like living with the other mercs?? is there anyone you get on with well/ anyone u dont get on with?

uh, hi! I'm uh- I'm fine, I guess! [as fine you can be after 3 hours of sleep, at least]

and living with the others isn't so bad, honestly. I've never really... lived with this many people before. but at least it means that there's always someone in the base to keep you company! even during the holidays... I-I mean, not that I stay here during the holidays! I have WAY better things to do when not working. yep. so many cool things to do...

and when it comes to the guys themselves... well... I don't think anyone outwardly hates me, at least-- o-of course, I'm not worried about that. I'm the most popular merc in the base. obviously

but during my time here I've grown pretty close to Misha-- I mean, Heavy. he's... kind of like a brother to me, to be honest. don't- don't tell him I said that--

Scout is a good kid, he's great to hang out with. he just. talks a little too much...

Demo is an awesome fellow, amazing to talk to, really. if I didn't have my reasons, I'd likely be as sober as him at all times. but alas...

Sniper is alright. can't say we talk much, but my snake Queenie likes him, so I can't hate the guy, really.

Soldier... well... let's just say that the one good thing about him is that his yelling helps me get up in the morning. there.

Engie's a really great guy, but every time I talk to him I feel like he's onto me... n-not that I don't know what I'm doing, of course!!! no sir. I'm a technology expert. it's just his primitive ways that are stopping him from understanding my incredible intellect--

Spy isn't. bad. I don't hate him and I don't THINK he hates me, but I can feel his judging stare wherever I go. but can't say I like him an awful lot, either. MY TIE COLLECTION IS NOT ATROCIOUS!!! IT'S HIM WHO JUST HAS NO TASTE--

Medic scares me. straight up. I try to avoid him as much as possible, like what if he tries to perform another SURGERY on me??? ough. I don't want to think about it...

Pyro... I uh. I don't know what to think about Pyro, honestly... it's HARD to tell what thoughts are behind that mask... I try not to stay in the same room alone with them. Misha and Scout keep telling me to stay away, but it's hard when it's Pyro who can't seem to leave me alone! I don't know. I don't hate them. I just wish they stopped bringing me severed body parts. Engie says it's because they like me, but I can't help, but think it's a threat...

[the--highlanders]

choose violence ask game (loving the name of that btw) - 8, 16, & 23?

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

(this fandom is so small that I don't want to sound like I'm vagueblogging or @-ing someone or anything so I'm just gonna preface this by saying this also goes for plenty of licensed media)

oh man ok. at risk of sounding like a total killjoy who takes everything too seriously & looks too much into stuff. I'm pretty sensitive about. primitivism in the way jamie gets portrayed?? is the best way I can think to describe it?? anything that implies that where & when he comes from means that he's inherently less intelligent, or equates his lack of knowledge on some things with him being stupid. can't stand him being reduced to dumb guy who hits stuff. idiot who has no critical thinking skills or reasoning.

and like, I get that it's a fairly common assumption, the idea that people from the past weren't as smart because they didn't know as much (even setting aside the devaluing of /different/ ways of knowing & understanding) - but, say, victoria never gets this treatment. despite also being from the past. which then leads you to think, hey, why would people make that assumption about jamie and not about victoria?

and then you get to a bunch of ideas which have been kicking around since. before jamie's time, real-world-historically speaking. which depict the highlands as savage, as populated by 'wild' people, by - well - 'primitives'. speakers of a primitive language. violent, at worst, strong, at best, but never intelligent. & this is all starting to sound a lot like the ideas that buttress colonialism and biological determinism, isn't it?

idk. this is a silly 60s family tv show & a very very small online fandom. it's kind of not that deep. but any time jamie gets written off as being inherently stupid (often /because/ of where he comes from), and any time that idea is the foundation of a joke, it rubs me the wrong way, and this is why.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

gfdhkjsg once again this is a v small fandom so 'so many people' is kinda like..... 2 people max probably. & also I've been sort of keeping more or less to myself for a couple years now in terms of actually discussing thoughts & headcanons (except you obviously and also @ettelwenailinon who is always right about everything despite not being super active in dr who fandom on tumblr anymore <3)

gonna go with shipping jamie and victoria tbh. absolutely no hate if you do bc I can definitely see where it comes from in canon/behind the scenes stuff but it is just,,, not for me at all, and so antithecal to how I write/interpret their characters.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

tenrose?? weirdly?? not that I'd say I actively ship it (there is one (1) tenrose fic in my ao3 bookmarks but it's really there bc it's a pretty charming magical realism au and the voices of all the characters are just so spot on rather than bc I ever crave reading about the ship) but. when I got into dr who in 2013 there felt like there was a pretty solid line between rtd fans and moffat fans. & I have always vibed with moffat's era more (neither of them are above criticism obviously, the scifi fairytale aesthetic/tone of moffat's era is just so so so so tailor-made for me personally).

and for some reason tenrose and elevenriver were kind of. bundled into that opposition?? not sure if that was just in my head or something other people noticed/experienced but I felt like if you were a moffat fan you had to ship elevenriver & if you were an rtd fan you had to ship tenrose, and they were like. rivals. (yes I did try very half-heartedly to enjoy elevenriver. no I never succeeded). so I always had this thing of like, I don't like ten, I don't like tenrose.

like I said I still don't actively ship it, I don't get any warm fuzzy feelings from their relationship, but I did go back into rtd's era looking to actively enjoy stuff (after being tired of really not enjoying uh. recent seasons ajhksglf) and found that I didn't hate the concept of tenrose as much as I used to. I genuinely believed they liked each other, I felt the hubris of their relationship worked and built well narratively. never thought that ship would get a redemption arc in my head but I've definitely gained more appreciation for its role in the narrative.

[aikoiya]

What if the UT Monsters were still racist with humans, even after the Pacifist Ending and Frisk was sick of it?…

Papyrus: That went so fast, we didn’t get a chance to mention you, or say anything about how we-

Frisk: Oh, I think all of you said plenty.

Sans: What do you mean?

Frisk: “Clearly there’s a biological component”? “That some humans may be reverting back to their primitive, savage ways”? Are you serious?

Undyne: We just stated the facts of history. I mean, it’s not like a monster could get as crazy and savage as that.

Frisk: Right. But someone like me could, huh?

Mettaton: Frisk, stop it! You’re not like them.

Frisk: Oh, there’s a them now?!

Alphys: What Mettaton means is, you’re not that kind of human.

Frisk: The kind that needs to have their souls contained in jars?

(The monsters flinch at this.)

The kind that makes you think you need to intimidate, attack or destroy?

(Frisk glares harder.)

Or the kind you need to carry a taser in your lab coat? Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice that little item the first time we met, Alphys!

(Alphys looks guilty.)

Frisk: So l-let me ask all of you a question: are you afraid of me?

[The monsters stare at Frisk in disbelief and fear.]

Frisk: Do you think I might go nuts? Think I might go savage? You think that I might try to… ATTACK YOU?!

[Undyne summons her spears, Mettaton charges his hands with electricity, Alphys reveals her taser, and the Skeleton Brothers summon their bones.]

Frisk: I knew it… Just when I thought somebody actually believed in me, huh?… Probably best if you don’t have a human as a part of your family.

(Later…)

Mettaton: Wait, listen! I… I know you’ll never forgive us. And I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t forgive us either.

Sans: We’ve had very thick skulls… and we’re sorry.

Frisk: …

Undyne: We were ignorant and irresponsible and small-minded. But both humans and monsters shouldn’t suffer because of our mistakes.

Alphys: We have to fix this, but we can’t do it without you.

Papyrus: And after we’re done… you can hate us. And– [he starts crying; voice breaking] And that’ll be fine, because we were all horrible friends, and we hurt you, and you– And you can walk away knowing that you were right all along. I really am just a dumb bonehead.

[Papyrus continues crying, until Frisk replays his words with a recorder.]

Papyrus: [through recorder] I really am just a dumb bonehead. [rewind] I really am just a dumb bonehead.

Frisk: [turns around and smiles] Don’t worry, Bonehead. I’ll let you erase it… in 48 hours.

[Papyrus tears up with joy; he wipes away his tears as the group slowly walks slowly towards Frisk]

Frisk: All right, get in here.

[The group all hug Frisk, Papyrus still sobbing; Frisk embraces them all back]

Frisk: OK. Oh, you monsters. You’re so emotional. There we go, deep breath… You are standing on my feet though…

Papyrus: Oh! I’m sorry!

---

Exactly! I’d especially want to see them all have to process the fact that they’re all assholes & their thinking is super backward. Individually & in their own ways. I get the feeling that Sans & Undyne would be the most stubborn & take not only the longest, but the most extreme route to realization of their own prejudices.

Also, realizing that even the humans who sealed them away weren’t as bad as they think they were. Think about it. The monsters were defeated & rounded up in such a way that they were all imprisoned in one spot.

If those humans were as evil & merciless as they were described, then why didn’t they just kill all the monsters outright?

I’ve probably said this before & sound like a broken record, but I feel like it’s worth saying again.

[astropsyhe]

Jyotish Astrology Basic - Part 2

Adharma Will Cost You.  (C) Kali Shankar 

So what does it mean ?

If we divide roughly , the one who follows his Dharma has harmonic life and everybody love this person and , and the one who live through adharma has a tragic destiny. 

Dramatic life would be somewhere in between. 

Why it’s happening? 

Because the worst sin possible - is to run from your nature. 

One who runs from his/her nature hates himself , hates the world and the world gives it back. 

Eventually the one who accepted own nature, loves thyself , loves the world, and world gives back to this person fame, money, power and finally love. 

Dharma is coming upon us in two different ways. First one is interest ( to one , who lives harmonic life ) , second one is fear ( to one who lives tragic life) 

Either you feel so much interested in something, that you literally cant stop doing this, despite any circumstances - normally those people have high level of evolutionary development. 

Or you feel fear about something,  sometimes unbearable and existential fear.  This normally tells about the area, where is your dharma is hidden, and about low-level of evolutionary development of personality with few exceptions.*

Area of Rahu.  Rahu is lunar node, who shows area of your fear and complexes, which may take a life-time to work-out. 

Damaged Moon - person is predisposed to fears and phobias 

Any trauma or violence experience. 

If we deviate too much from our nature and our Dharma , really tragical things may happen.   Decease , losses,  traumas , even death.  Especially in times like ours, when Saturn ( The Lord of Dharma) dwelling in his own sign of Capricorn , where he gets his full power.  

So if you deviate too much, Saturn gives you a great challenge , which drastically may change your life in 180 degrees. 

That is why Saturn is called great teacher. 

Full cycle of Saturn takes 30 years. So every 30 years he comes and watches how everybody doing with his/her Dharma. 

Another way , then this may happen- Transit of Saturn , called Sade-Sati , which I will describe later. 

Fear is one the first enemies of the  «Man of Knowledge»  (c) Don Juan 

For example, I have active 11th House in my natal chart, because 2 grahas are located there - Sun and Jupiter in sign of Cancer. Thus my 11th House is under rule of the Moon.  Means that my ambitions ( Sun ) and my emotions and state of happiness are connected with 11th House. 

11th House represents Fame,  Surpluses and Positioning in society. 

First thoughts about fame , performing or speaking in front of group of people evoked grand feeling of fear, sweating , tremor inside of me. 

Because If I make something wrong - my ego ( Sun ) will be hurt.  Also so I as Moon connected , I am feeling nervous, worried etc about performing ( Moon is responsible for emotions ) 

Opposite side of this , people with position like my, if doing smth , they doing it perfectly. 

Then , eventually when times pass, and we continue our evolutional development  and overcome fear,  anxiety , social programs when our sub-personalities start to give benefits to us.  

Sun is responsible for «dopamine» - hormone produced when achieving something, Moon for «serotonine»  -  hormone of happiness.    

On my example ,  give away emotions to people,  play music for them , seeing them dancing -  fills me with happiness and satisfaction. And thus, my Moon and my Sun are satisfied. 

Society. 

Another thing which may stay on the way of your individual Dharma is society.  But again, with few exceptions here. 

Society is NOT our enemy. Because as Homo sapiens we are social being. We can’t survive and develop without society. It is just characteristic of our kind. 

But collective consciousness of society is much more primitive , than any individual taken. It has it’s own primitive goals, and it want that everybody follows that goals, and function as one well built mechanism. It is not good , and it is not bad.  

But! It likes standardization,  and it wants bring everyone to the same level, which as I told before contradicts the individual purpose. Individual purpose is something, that very hard to measure and to confine. 

Society is utilizing your potential ,  substituting your goals for goals of society.  Part of your sub-personalities may feel satisfied ,and you may keep going.

Positive thing here , that we as social being influence each other, so fulfilling our dharma we influence people around us,  revealing divine potential inside them.  Thus we raise the level of collective consciousness , which agian influence back to us.  

08.11.2022

www.astropsyhe.com

art - AI + Asrtopsyhe

[phoneybeatlemania]

13, 17, 19 😈

Hannah you came here to make war not love 😩

13. Which Beatle member do you like the most solo?

Paul I think, especially given that RAM is my no 1 solo Beatles album. Johns a close second, but I feel like musically Paul just has an eccentricity that resonates with me more than a lot of Johns records do (although lyrically John resonates with me more). 

17. What were your first thoughts about the members?

Growing up I always sort of knew who they were, so I cant really say much beyond: Ringo was 6 year old Caitlins fave because Haha Funny Name (I had exquisite taste). But once I started getting into them properly about a year and a half ago, I think these were my Very First, Very Primitive thoughts:

John: He actually got this whole thing rolling, because I was (bored) in lockdown and thought to myself, “John Lennon seemed like a complicated guy. I wanna know more about him.” So I started googling, and started noticing I had *a lot* in common with him.  And then once I started learning about his…….Issues, I couldn’t really stop, which meant I progressively started learning more and more about the rest of the band :)

Paul: Just seemed like a really nice, happy, caring guy to me :) 

George: Pretty sure as soon as I saw the ‘“What kind of girl are you into?” “Johns wife.”’ bit I decided he was the funniest

Ringo: A permanent “silly goofy mood” type donny

19. Did you ever hate a member?

I don’t really think I did? Ive been through phases of disliking some of them, and it took me awhile to get a decent (or at least, more-sympathetic) understanding of George, but Ive never really hated them. Tbh the Beatles are just a big part of my life (see: 6 year old Caitlin, the connoisseur) so I have too much affection for all of them collectively to ever hate any of them (plus, as far as celebrities go, I really think all of them were pretty decent. Not perfect, but better then they could have been, so Im just not inclined to be particularly harsh with them lol).  

[lone-changelings-journal]

30/1/1495

Reviving the lieutenant is difficult because he’s been dead for too long. Made headway in finding a new spell/ritual to revive them. Called “Reanimus”. Combination of several other raise dead spells. They want to revive and control the lieutenant. They will be talking to their higher ups about this new spell. Tied to runes maybe? Show Morr. Lieutenant knows FK’s teachings better than anyone, if revived they will have access to everything he knows. Show Morr the scrolls, too. Might also be a part of the ritual.

Ghh, my hands are shaking. It’s like three in the morning and everyone is asleep and I’ve been tasked with keeping watch and I have NO idea what I’m supposed to do. Keep watch? We’re in a cabin, why do we need to keep watch?! I know for a fact we locked the doors. I think. Hold on. Yeah no I just got up and checked, the doors are all locked. None of the windows open either so if anyone tried to get in that way we’d probably all hear it. Umbra is not impressed with me right now… Ok Remy, calm down. Just calm down. Calm. Calm… 

I can’t calm down, gods I can’t calm down. Everything about this is so stressful!!! I mean… Things just exploded. Yesterday I was laying down watching the stars with Umbra and today I’m running around a goddamn graveyard!!! Looking for signs of necromancy!!! Morr said she wouldn’t send me on jobs beyond my skill level and I totally trust her when she says that but my god, if anything went wrong at any point I have a feeling I’d be dead. Actually dead. Oh my god what the hells have I gotten myself in to, this is way too much. This-

Ugh, I hate coyotes. I hate them! Their screams sound like people and it scared me half to death. I thought those people back in the cave found us for a second. Then again, if they had found us I don’t know why they’d scream like that and give themselves away. At the very least I’m wide awake now.

Morr tasked me and Umbra with investigating a nearby graveyard today. She warned me that today’s job would be more involved than the ones I’ve been sent on previously. Gods, that was an understatement and a half. But I guess she figured I could do what Changelings do best: blend in. And… Well, she wasn’t wrong by any means… But I digress. With all the ingredient fetching I’ve been doing I was kind of worried she’d be having me rob a grave when she first mentioned it. Since some spells DO require things like human bones or grave dirt which… I don’t understand how grave dirt is any different from regular dirt, but whatever. Thankfully that wasn’t the case, though thinking back on it now graverobbing would have been easier than what I’m stuck doing now.

Basically, Morr has been keeping tabs on the cult people recently. I guess some of its old members are buried here and she was worried they might be looking to revive some of them. I was told that’d be impossible, since revival spells do have a time limit, and these people are WELL beyond that. Even with that being the case she wanted me to go over there, figure out the finer details of things, and put a stop to it. I don’t think I’m ready for something like this. I really don’t. Like yeah I’m not dead and we didn’t get caught, but I just… I panic easily, I crack under pressure! I almost got myself killed twice over! But… I didn’t, I guess… So I guess Morr was right all along, wasn’t she? But yeah, I’ve been sent here to see what was going on and see if any dead were being raised.

The graveyard itself is older than South City by the looks of it. It’s surrounded by this old stone wall made out of random rocks and pebbles and whatnot instead of bricks. I was worried I’d accidentally knock it over, but it’s surprisingly sturdy. Wouldn’t try climbing over it or anything, but it’s stood the test of time so it has to be somewhat well  made. The graves here all look primitive as well. All of them are carved out of whatever flat stones could be found, and the engravings look like someone scratched them in with a knife rather than a chisel. Couldn’t read any of them either. None of the engravings were written in common. That, and most were iced over and covered in snow so they’d have been hard to read anyway.

Personally I’ve never found graveyards to be all that scary. Some think they are because it’s a big plot of land full of dead people. But the dead never hurt anyone of their own volition. I say that because necromancy CAN bring them back, but from what I understand raised dead are under the control of the person who rose them so I don’t think they count really. I don’t see why dead people simply BEING there makes a place scary. When you think about it, there’s more dead things outside in the woods or on trails or anywhere else than there are in graveyards. I’ve seen like ten animal carcasses wandering the woods with Umbra. Those are way scarier than dead people in a graveyard. Seeing a dead animal or person out in the woods means something or someone killed them, and no one was around to bury them. Stuff like that shows that danger is still out there. Not a graveyard. That’s probably the least dangerous place to find dead things.

This place was a few hours away from the hut, just outside the Wildwoods. I was anticipating that Umbra and I would walk here, do whatever we needed to do, and then walk back and be home by evening. In hindsight, Morr wouldn’t have given me all these extra supplies if it was just going to be a single day’s trip. She have me like three days worth of water and rations and a map of the area and twenty gold. Twenty gold!!! That’s SO much coin!!!

When we finally got to the graveyard there really wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Nothing I saw. Umbra was able to sniff out some footprints and that lead us all the way around this big mausoleum type thing and over to a bunch of overgrowth at the very back. That’s when we finally saw something a bit off. Right behind the mausoleum was a TON of loose dirt and mud that’d very obviously been covered by a heavy rock. Like… Painfully obvious. You can SEE the drag marks on the ground where there isn’t any snow. Underneath the rock was a MASSIVE hole. The entrance was pretty tight, way too tight for Umbra to squeeze into, but once you get down in there it’s big enough for like four or five people. There was ALL sorts of arcane energy flowing out of this hole. The kind of stuff I’m used to, that makes your hair stand on end and your heart race. Not the kind in the Wildwoods that’s calm and floaty. Reminded me of how things were back home…

I really didn’t want to go down into the hole, but Umbra felt like it was really important. And my pact does state that part of my duties are dealing with this Forgotten King, so… Against my better judgement I went in. But I wasn’t stupid enough to just jump down there. The hole was deep and dark and I rather like being able to walk. I got creative and tied my coil of rope to a nearby tree and threw it down the hole. Actually, now that I think about it, how did the cult people even use this hole? They have to have a ladder or something, because there’s no way you can just jump down there and be totally fine. Maybe you could with a spell, I guess, but then there’d be no way back up? I’m overthinking this.

This hole was super deep. I have fifty feet of rope and I used like two thirds of it before hitting the bottom. The last third was tied around the tree. Because Umbra couldn’t fit in the hole I had her stay up on the surface to keep an eye out for any trouble. She did as I asked and, thankfully, there wasn’t anything of note on her side of things. Instead I had to deal with everything. By myself…

Eventually I ended up in this big cave area with TONS of stuff in it. I think the room I descended into was the work station or something, because it had baskets of spell scrolls and potion bottles and these weird creepy runes all over the walls. Some of the runes I was able to figure out. Mostly raise dead and other variants of that spell. There were also some I couldn’t understand, and those are the ones I drew at the top of the page. Figured they were important and Morr would probably want to see them. I have a feeling she’ll know what they are. 

Wow, these scrolls though. I really don’t like stealing. Never have. I was raised better than that. There’s always a way to work for something you want, you should never steal. Stealing is for lower district criminals. That’s what father always said, anyway. I don’t exactly agree with that sentiment, but I do think that people shouldn’t steal. At the same time, this cult is trying to revive a lich. Allegedly. And all the potions and scrolls they had could really hurt someone. Stealing is bad, and I feel scummy for taking all this stuff, but I think that whatever the cult was going to use these for is probably worse. Me taking them is the lesser of two evils I think.

I don’t really know what all of these do, though. Two of the bottles I took are just labeled “poison”. Doesn’t even say what kind. There’s also one scroll called “Unseen Servent” which… I don’t even know what that’d be. The two I’m excited about is the speak with dead scroll and the potions of healing. Being able to talk to a dead person might come in handy, especially if it lets me talk to someone important to the King. I might be able to get some super useful information from something like that. And healing potions are… Always nice… I was never allowed to use them until now. The ones we had back home were for emergencies only, and nothing that ever happened to me was ever deemed an emergency.

The cave itself was huge though. I wouldn’t be surprised if it went all the way to the underdark. I couldn’t see the end of it. Though all I had was a small torch lighting my way. I kept walking and peeking into the different alcoves and rooms until eventually I heard three people talking. It was these two guys and an older looking woman. The two men were telling the woman what they had been working on, kind of like a progress report in a way? I noted down things I thought sounded important, but most of it was just mundane “Oh, mistress, I also put the dirt in the storage area. Got extra in case we run out. Blah blah”. Eventually one of the guys left the room to do whatever he’d been doing before I guess. When he opened the door I took note of all three of their faces just in case I needed them. Turns out I did, and I probably will moving forwards. Lucky me…

The next room I actually took time to explore was the storage area I heard about. It honestly didn’t have much in it. I can only assume all the potions and scrolls I found in that main entrance room used to be here but were taken out to start working on this Reanimus spell. Since I was supposed to stop this ritual I figured I could just take more of their stuff and make it more difficult, but all I found were shovels and bags of dirt and some lanterns. I did take one of those, though. Never hurts to have a lanturn. At least those can be reused, unlike torches.

While I didn’t find anyTHING of interest, I did fine someONE of interest. I heard some whispering coming from behind the bags of dirt and in a panic I shifted forms into one of the cultists still in the room with that woman just in case. Turns out it wasn’t any of them whispering. Instead, I found this little tiny open area of cave with a big cage set up in it. They had PEOPLE inside of a CAGE! THREE of them!!! It was horrible! The second I noticed them I walked right over and tried to ask what was going on, but I totally forgot that I wasn’t myself and scared the hells out of them. That’s probably why they still don’t trust me. I.. Don’t blame them…

But yeah, there were three people in this cage. A human guy named Dandelion, I guess? I still don’t think that’s his ACTUAL name, but that’s what he wants me to call him and I’m not going to say no. There was another guy in there named Kor’aas. He’s an elf. I don’t know what kind of elf, though. I… Don’t like him very much. Ever since we met all he’s been doing is asking me questions and trying to poke holes in my answers like I’m some sort of villain. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Changeling or if it’s because I looked like one of the cultists when we first met or what. He’s just overly wary of me and nothing I’ve been able to say seems to change his mind. Lastly there’s a Tiefling woman named Taelia. I don’t know how I feel about her exactly. She’s really gruff and blunt, but she doesn’t seem to be all paranoid like Kor’aas is. I’ve never seen a blue Tiefling before either. Though I haven’t really seen ANY tiefling before in real life. I’ve only ever heard of red and yellow ones.

All three of these people are from South City and they work for some guy named Tyvar. I guess he’s the head of some merchant’s guild or something? From what they explained it seems that Tyvar caught wind of the cult a few months back and has been doing his own digging into things. When he found out about the graveyard he hired everyone here to go investigate. So, they were sent here to do exactly what I was doing, only they got caught at some point and locked in that cage. It was all so… Strange. Morr didn’t mention anyone named Tyvar. From what she’s said it seemed like only people in her inner circle knew about any of this. They seemed equally as surprised to learn that I knew about the cult too. Something weird is happening, and I don’t know what it is exactly. I hope it’s just a happy coincidence.

Once I was sure they weren’t going to hurt me we came up with this godsdamned insane plan to get them free. Since I’m a changeling and they very clearly saw me change forms into a cultist before (Or change out of one, rather) they figured I could do it again. That woman in the other room is the leader of this little group down here, and they said that she had keys on her. So they had me turn into one of the cultists again and the plan was I’d pretend to have found another intruder and find her to get the keys. I REALLY didn’t want to, but I also couldn’t just leave them! So I… Did…

I’m still sore from the whole ordeal. Lucky me, being the only goddamn Changeling in the world who can’t change normal. Doing it once I’m usually able to bear, but doing it TWICE is WAY too much. My skin still feels like it’s burning and every now and then I feel like I’m gonna throw up. Curse father’s stupid mistress. She took the ONE thing I had away from me for her own stupid entertainment. I’d like to see how SHE feels having one of her kidneys melted away. I’d love to see her all cut up for once… It’ll never happen, though. I’ll settle for never seeing her again. I wonder if Morr would be able to fix me. I don’t know if I even can be fixed. My scars are so old, most have been a part of me for longer than they haven’t.

The plan worked. Somehow. Ironically enough, I just pretended that this woman WAS the mistress and all my replies just sorta came out naturally. Once I’d taken on my new form I just sorta walked inside, apologized for interrupting, then mentioned that we had another break in and that I needed the keys. She said that I should have my own set of keys, and for a moment I thought that that was going to be it and she was going to see right through me. Instead, I stuttered out something about losing my keys and said I’d accept any reprimands after locking the new prisoner up. And that WORKED! She just scoffed and threw the keys at me and told me to make it quick and I was gone! Also that first guy I turned into is named Rolan. Remembering that will be important if I ever need to use his form again.

Once everyone was out of that cage we just left. None of them have any gear on them and there was no telling how many other cultists could be hiding throughout the cave system. I floated the idea of sabotage before we left, but I think everyone was just as panicked as I was. Aside from the Tiefling. Taelia seems to be the most level headed out of all of us, but I guess that makes sense with her being a paladin and all. But yeah, we left. All of us climbed up the rope I’d come down on and we went back to where they’d been camping for the night. I did warn them that Umbra was, uh… Not exactly your average familiar. Thankfully no one freaked out when they saw her, but I don’t think that helped my case with Kor’aas at all. If anything, seeing that I had a horse sized wolf at my side made him MORE wary of me.

The four of us talked a lot once we got to their camp. Not so much along the way, but that was mostly because we were all trying to stay silent and not get caught again. They’d set up their camp in this old cabin. I don’t know if someone in their guild owns this place or if they broke in or what. I don’t really care, though. Beats sleeping outside. The second we got inside Kor’aas started interrogating me. He asked me who I worked for and I had to lie because telling the truth breaks my pact, but GODS I never anticipated this happening and I was not prepared. I ended up telling him that I worked for an alchemist who lives outside of South City as an apprentice. Nothing I said was a lie, but it left out SO much context and he saw through me instantly. He kept going on and on asking why an alchemist would have any interest in this cult, or how they even knew about it in the first place.

Eventually I broke down and bluntly told him that I’m not allowed to answer the questions he’s asking me. I tried to explain that I didn’t mean anyone any harm and that I was just trying to put a stop to the cult, just like they were, but it just… He doesn’t like me. I’m so… Pathetic… When I get back to Morr’s I’m going to ask her what I should tell people in the event I’m put in this situation again because I swear he was damn near ready to stab me. Actually, I’m pretty sure the only reason he didn’t was because he didn’t have a blade on him. That’s… A harrowing thought… 

Thankfully Dandelion picked up on the tension. He decided to calm things down by having everyone share something about themself. I guess none of these three had ever met each other before Tyvar assigned them to investigate the graveyard and, well… He’s very clearly the most sociable of the group. He’s also… Oddly chipper for someone who’d just been kidnapped. This was actually when we all told each other our names. He went first, obviously. Dandelion is a bard, born and raised by bards in some weird vagabond scenario. When I asked if that was his real name he insisted it was and explained that his parents had named him after something beautiful in order to inspire creativity, or something to that affect. 

Taelia went next. She’s a paladin who was raised in some clergy. Her parents are clerics and when she came of age she joined the clergy and eventually became a paladin. She didn’t seem keen on sharing anything other than that, aside from the fact that she’s the only one in the group who worked directly under Tyvar before all this.

Kor’aas shared last. Out of them, anyway. I shared LAST last. But he’s a ranger and I guess he lived outside in the wilderness all his life before eventually being found by the merchants guild and joining. He also said his last name is “Itonheart”. With a “T”. Not Ironheart. Itonheart. Considering he raised himself I wouldn’t be surprised if he simply didn’t know how to spell it right. Then again, he pronounces the name the same way he spells it, so… I dunno. I also thought rangers were known for having animal companions. He didn’t have one and I made the mistake of asking why. He used to, but it was shot and killed. And his life has been in shambles ever since, his words. I… Think asking him about it only made him hate me more. He refused to talk for the rest of the night after that…

After that I felt almost obligated to share something about myself. Mainly to keep Kor’aas from pestering me more. He already finds me suspicious at best and if I refused to talk about myself after everyone else shared… Yeah…  I don’t really like talking about myself, but they had me backed into a corner. So I talked about being a changeling a bit, since that’s what they had more of an interest in over my actual life. I talked about how my ability to change form and how I can turn into anyone who’s face I’ve seen, and how I can’t grow larger or smaller, and how I can’t grow or remove any limbs or anything like that. But I also let them know that transforming hurt. Mainly because I don’t want them to assume all of our problems can be solved my me transforming.

I’m kind of in a tricky situation right now, though. Morr tasked me with stopping this ritual, and tomorrow when we’re all rested up and in a better headspace we’re going to go back and do that. But Morr has NEVER mentioned Tyvar, and I really think she’d want to know about him considering he’s seemingly the only other person who knows anything about what’s going on. Everyone offered to bring me back to South City to meet him, but oh god… The merchant’s guild they all work for is in the upper district, and that’s where father’s estate is. I don’t want to go back and risk getting caught, but if I don’t go with them now finding them again is going to be difficult. South City is a BIG place, and there’s TONS of merchants. Even with a name I doubt Morr or I would be able to find this guy very easily without being lead straight to him. 

I just hope I can survive all of this. And I don’t just mean stopping the ritual, I mean all of it. I didn’t anticipate me going home so soon. If I ever did return to South City I assumed it’d be years down the line after I’d gotten stronger. Then I could have a big reunion where I put father in his place for everything he’s done to me. It’d be SO nice to watch him squirm, but that isn’t going to happen. I’m banking on avoiding the estate entirely if at all possible. If it’s not possible I MIGHT take on a different form while in the city. It’ll hurt like the hells, but no one will recognize me with my new gear on.

I should probably end my watch here. Before going to bed we all discussed who was going to take watch just to make sure no one stumbled across us. Dandelion woke me up and I’m supposed to wake Taelia up next. I… Think they did that on purpose. I don’t think anyone, Kor’aas included, wanted the two of us to interact unsupervised. I wouldn’t want that either, so I’m not complaining. Besides, he already took his watch so if he was going to do anything to me he would have already done it. Umbra probably also had my back too. She doesn’t seem to need sleep, so she’s probably been keeping an eye on everyone as we sleep. She’s a good girl. I’m glad her and I are friends.

[pesterloglog]

Kanaya Maryam, John Egbert

Act 5, page 2705

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GT: hi...?

GA: Allow Me To Make This Simple

GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction

GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species

GA: A Reason

GA: Any Reason At All Really

GA: To Justify Wasting The Few Precious Remaining Moments Of My Life On You

GA: It Has Fallen On Your Shoulders To Supply Me With That Reason John Human

GA: Go

GT: ha ha, what?

GA: What Indeed

GA: I Was Just Leaving

GT: so you're a time traveler?

GA: No

GA: We Dont Actually Travel Through

GA: Uh

GA: Well

GA: Not All Of Us Do

GA: One Of Us Does Though

GA: Thats Not What We Are Talking About Here And Is Aside From The Point

GT: so let me see if i have this straight...

GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans?

GA: No

GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace?

GA: No John You Werent Listening

GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason.

GA: Damn It

GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess...

GA: What The Hell

GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe?

GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome.

GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet... but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise.

GT: and then she went home and nobody believed her, but you just KNOW mcconaughey believed her.

GT: because he had all the faith. and i mean ALL OF IT.

GT: anyway, does that have any applicability to your cosmic interstellar astrojourney?

GA: Okay Youre Even Dumber Than The Rose Human Thats Incredible Really

GT: pff, i know i'm dumber than rose, that is not much of a burn, dude!

GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy

GT: oh, sorry.

GT: i don't know why i thought you were.

GA: It Happens

GT: were you trolling rose too?

GT: TIME TRAVEL TROLLING???

GA: Yes As A Matter Of Fact

GT: oh boy, let me go put on my quantum space hat, and extra terrestrial adventure boots, and you can tell me all about it.

GA: If You Werent So Stupid Id Suspect You Were Being Insincere For The Benefit Of Your Amusement

GT: ha ha ha. i don't follow!

GA: I Just Spoke To Her In The Future

GA: Shes An Imbecile And Conveying How Much I Dislike Her At This Point Presents An Overwhelming Gauntlet Of Personal Expression

GA: But Regardless She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation

GA: To Get You To Understand Whats Going On

GA: I Have Strong Doubts It Will Be Effective But Here Goes

GA: GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works

GA: GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like

GA: TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like.

GA: TT: you look kind of like...

GA: TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

GA: TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster.

GA: TT: because he was a big goofy adult.

GA: TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick.

GA: GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest

GA: TT: no, it's a movie.

GA: TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it's awesome, which it is.

GT: hahaha! oh man, you blew it!

GT: now i know for sure you're trolling me. rose hates that movie.

GA: Are You Suggesting

GA: I Was Being Trolled

GA: That It Was A Charade Meant To Make Me Look Foolish

GT: possibly! i know that sure didn't sound like her.

GT: but i think it's more likely that you made it all up cause you know i like that movie.

GT: so i tip my cap to you, well played miss troll!

GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well

GT: ok well, just between you and me...

GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled.

GT: and it just might be all three of us.

GA: Okay

GT: but you shoulda told me you liked little monsters!

GT: we could jam about that. what was your favorite part?

GA: Suspicions Pitching Once Again Toward The Conclusion That You Are Just Very Stupid

GT: i really want to get a little monsters poster, but they're hard to find!

GT: i asked my dad for one for christmas. fingers crossed!

GA: Im Guessing Thats The Human Equivalent Of 12th Perigees Eve

GA: Will Your Adult Human Custodian Forage For Leavings As Ours Do

GT: yup, that sure keeps sounding alien of you.

GT: keep up the good work!

GT: listen, i'm kind of busy, i have to wrap this present and mail it in a hurry.

GT: so i'm going to block you!

GT: but i might unblock you again soon, because you're kinda cool.

GA: Your Blocks Mean Nothing But Dont Worry You Wont Hear From Me Again

GT: yeah well...

GT: you might just hear from me!

GT: also, you should give rose another chance.

GT: she is really great! whatever she did, she was probably just pulling her mind games on you, it's all in fun.

GT: there is more to her than that, you'll see.

GT: bye!

ghostyTrickster [GT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

[scentedchildnacho]

I did talk to the man in the old silver and blue truck about a bus ticket...he thought I could try the churches for a bus ticket so I said those are death watch places....some of it is openly Kevorkian or I wouldn't still be stuck here doing this art form for people who sold their souls to hollywood pornographer and it's peripheral character ness won't appear important to them until later when they realize they could love someone

He said to stick my thumb out so I said it's a very very bad conflict you can be like raped to death....ISIS hates women and blames them for everything ever.....it's like possible to be a body tyed up in a grove

Uhm if it isn't the violent ones it's having to wait sometimes for days and no one thinks to feed you......no one here with money has a pre modern religion none of it revolves its life around the daily maintenance of the vital functions of others

The warden here is especially vicious without cause it's just to call people animals because....they think people mind everything and that's not going to get better unless you let people poop and pee sitting down you let people in air conditioning and the maintenance of common meals is hygienic

Chlorine all the time vicious especially enjoys cutting people up

Jacko the ripper......

Waiting for rides.....is a very very harsh asceticism......and fortunately the United States believes in strength so they would sometimes take me to southernism drinks and rich meals otherwise very heretical mistake and leads to talking about death metal and niggerishness

Otherwise if the quarantine health controls I would like 2nd Timothy want to meet the lords brothers right away I would of course look forward to

He whose tears I have so secretly missed and been in love with

There is a pornographer that distorts a diaspora into a few well done irrational Hollywoodisms

It's that missing 20 to 30 percent

My teacher on Darwin just kind of implies that things read of religious natural worlds can be thought about and created additionally too

Darwin I think he just found freud and Macleans primitive to super brain or developmental really too simple...

[poisxnyouth]

i have grown so detached from posting to socials that aren’t twitter but sometimes my head and heart feel so achy and journaling doesn’t quite scratch the itch

hello to everyone who reads

hi guys ik y’all know my fics but i just want to throw it out there that i was still in hs when i wrote them and i feel the need to say that obviously hs dave was not written with any malicious or creepy intent lol i was just in high school and a little delulu okay? not to mention dave is lowkey cancelled now anyways

my life trek after high school didn’t go as i thought it would; i had this vision of art school, a city, an escape, a change for the better where i could truly find myself. my senior year, just as (the one) application response i truly wanted to be a yes was supposed to arrive, covid took the world by its reins. and that application? solid no.

that summer, i spent it with my friends. i got a boyfriend, a real, committed one, and he had me convinced that God was not only HIS answer, but should always be mine too. he was the type of christian that was homeschooled, grew up in it, and while i think my actions were wholehearted, they were so obviously swayed. my 18th birthday, after he had gone to dinner with my family, we were in his car because there was no where else to go. we started fooling around, and suddenly, there’s his dad. standing in the window. you get the drift here? i didn’t get to speak to him for days after that. (we were both 18+.)

obviously that didn’t go over well, and we broke up a few months later. i was heartbroken for such a piss in a pot guy. working a dead end job already, and did about a semester of college before realizing i did not have the mental capabilities to be working and schooling at the same time. i chose work instead. it was a gut decision, and mainly because i wanted to move out.

july 2021, my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer. what an interesting way to twist a family into knots. fuck cancer. i have never seen someone so weak and so, so, so fucking strong. my best friend’s dad had same type of cancer, stage 4, and our fathers were born one year and one day apart. every time it is my dad’s birthday, i think of john also. john passed in july 2022. i am very lucky to still have my father and it is a blessing i could never again take for granted. and i miss john too.

following the timeline…

i met my current boyfriend. well. i’d always known him. he was a best friend’s brother. (like the victorious song) i hung out at her house all the time, he was of course always there and always flirting. came out in a towel after a shower at some point, arms spread up on the door beams, and i really don’t think i could hide anything then. we’d started to have movie/tv show nights all together, and eventually it just happened. and i’ve never felt the same since. the love, the warmth, the respect, the understanding, the patience - truly, i do not think i could have picked better.

a month into our relationship, he moved 1.7k (i counted!) miles away to a little ski town in colorado. he said just for the winter season. as cold as it was, it was hell. it felt like he was a carrot dangling in front of me. he promised me that if he hated it he would come right back, and a very selfish part of me wanted him to hate it so badly just to come back. i didn’t want to just make memories with him over facetime. not in the primitive stages of our relationship, at least, but on the flip side, i knew that if we got through that, we will be okay through anything else.

i visited him one or two months in, and the day that i was leaving to go home, i distinctly remember looking at all my stuff packed up. he went in the bathroom before we drove to the airport, and i was already looking at jobs. i remember thinking, “hailey, you’ve been here once now. you’re going to move? that’s kind of silly. for a boy? just like that?”

…just like that, indeed. two more months later and he was picking me up from the airport with my four bags in tow. i was nervous. i was excited for this next step.

good god it was awful! i don’t think i’ve ever argued with someone as much as those few months. but we stuck through. i was also a raging hormonal bitch because of my depo shot. not an excuse but genuinely, i felt crazy. we picked it up in the last month or so of being there, and it was awesome. without the aching loneliness of being so far from home, it was independence and freedom. it was being able to love him freely, without care.

we moved back to florida after the snow started melting at the end of may. the ski resort had pretty much closed up shop anyhow. i went back to my old job. i did miss it and i did miss the people. but the days feel like weeks, and the weeks feel so long. i got too good at my job. it got boring. i’m still working it and i am still bored. everyone asks me questions they have because for some reason, i am the only one who has sat down with our computer and knows exactly what buttons to push. it does not take a genius and i am certainly not one.

since being back, we’ve gone on 3 vacations: a tiny home that is also a school bus, went to NYC for the first time !!, and skied the FUCK out of park city. it was honestly a great year between last june and now. but adulting is hard and sometimes the roster feels so full that inch by inch, a cinder block is attaching to me and i’m sinking underwater. drowning in responsibilities LMFAOOOO

so we’re moving back in like two and a half weeks. i have that same feeling in my stomach but all i have wanted is to make a life of my own with this boy. no kids for a long time, just the process of settling down with him electrifies me.

honestly if you read down to here you nosy and i like u. lets be friends.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 109

Hammer of the Gods/Journey’s End

I have about an hour before I need to leave so I’m hoping I can get through spn in that time

“Hammer of the Gods”

Plot Description: Sam and Dean are held hostage by a group of gods who want to use them as bargaining chips to stop the apocalypse

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: If a god wanted to kill me, I’d just be dead, let’s be real

My first thought was “THIS is where Jerry Parks and Rec has a timeshare and frequents for vacation? Okaaay”

Don’t you think that you’d REALIZE EARLIER that this place is too good to be true? Especially if you’re the WINCHESTERS

Hmmmm, now Sam’s bleeding JUST A LITTLE from the neck like Dean was earlier

I don’t have enough knowledge of ALL the pantheons of the world to say NONE of the gods have ever eaten humans, but I don’t think it’s out of line to say that it feels offensive to make it seem like ALL of them do (at least all of the ones gathered here)

(IMDb break to find out the actress playing Kali. Wouldn’t mind being invested in her career)

Thisssss is why I kept wondering how I was thinking Gabriel was also Loki. But I don’t remember who this gets reconciled

“Next time I say let’s keep driving, let’s keep driving” “oh. Yeah. *NEXT* time” boys, you’re being so funny about the impending doom of planet earth

Did they just make an AVATAR (like James Cameron avatar) reference???

Gabriel you dumbass.

Wait. Excuse me???? Why are we…why are we all of a sudden in a Ghostfacers episode? Was that just supposed to be part of a commercial break? Amazing

Well shit. RIP Gabriel, I guess

“Primitive screwheads”?! Well fuck you very much, Dean

Oh shit. Welcome back Gabriel, I guess

Oh, Luci, buddy, you’re not lookin so good.

Hear me out…I know how it looks. I know the optics. But there is something that gets my heart going watching someone take out their enemies one by one with ease. In a vacuum, this is hot

Why…why is THIS the Todoroki family drama? “Dad liked you best, more than Michael, more than me, but then he brought the new baby home and you couldn’t handle it” honestly, Natsuo as Gabriel makes sense…

RIP Gabriel…for real this time. We got the wings…

Convenient that they already have two of the four keys they need for Lucifer’s cage

Ew ew ew I’d be kicking him out with a QUICKNESS. The physical embodiment of pestilence would not be able to get that close to me

“Been On My Mind…”: Dean tried to hit on Kali, but got shot down QUICK. 5?

“Journey’s End”

Plot Description: The entire universe is in danger as Davros and the Daleks activate their master plan

I’m glad I had good things happen earlier today and will be spending the rest of my evening watching a concert livestream because otherwise I’d lose the will to live watching this episode

MICKEYYYYY!!! AND JACKIEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Well that’s terrifying, why did those bullets stop? They’re in a time bubble?? Ok sure

I don’t like that this is the kind of interaction Donna and Jack get

The Daleks know German too?

Donna’s fluctuating self esteem is so real. She so often sees herself as “just a temp from Chiswick” but then will stand up to the Doctor about saving Pompeii and demanding salutes from high ranking members of UNIT and yelling at the rich over their treatment of the Ood. I love her

Truly, I don’t think I’d want to travel with the Doctor after this…getting trapped in the TARDIS and nearly incinerated inside it

One, that was a supremely stupid show of anger, Jack. But also like…he’s not DEAD dead, right??

This must have been a fun scene for them to film, the “oi watch it spaceman” “oi watch it earth girl”

I’m really confused about what Martha’s doing…

I did not expect to hear the Doctor tell Davros “we’re not doing the nostalgia tour.” Bud, I hate to break it to ya, but that’s exactly what I’m doing here

Wait……I love the way they either don’t explain shit or explain it so quickly that you’d have to listen to it more than once.

The Empire (Star Wars) WISHES they had what Davros has. The Death Star? Cute. Davros has a Reality Bomb

Martha, you don’t give Rose enough credit. SHE found the Doctor

Ok but so many of those people DIDN’T die…

Cool…glad we made a wholeass weapon and then it gets destroyed seconds before it gets used

ABSOLUTELY NOT LYING, I am laying on my bed crying and just saying “noooooo” over and over as Donna’s speech patterns get more and more like the Doctor’s. I’m so distraught

Hey. Hey. Hey. Isn’t “No More” also the name of the painting from the 50th anniversary special? I’m interested in the parallels between the Doctor and Dalek Khan

There’s no way this little trip back to the Milky Way wouldn’t have serious repercussions that would destroy all life on Earth, but also I know this isn’t that kind of show so I’ll let it slide

The whole Ten Too situation is so weird. New game. No more “would you fuck your own clone?” Now it’s “would you stand by and watch the person you’re in love with kiss your clone?”

No no no no no no nooooooooooooo I hate this part.

Oh. And Wilf’s heartbreak for her and everything she’s lost

You gotta love how both Donna and Wilf took the time to ask the Doctor who he’s got to travel with him now. Donna in her first appearance and Wilf just now

[dorthrakidex]

Day 5: "That's gonna scar"

Once again, it was the Tuesday that was Sheppard's undoing. Although this time it wasn't because Rodney touched something he wasn't supposed to, it wasn't angry natives or people after John's genes. It was a simple thunder storm that was his undoing. Being that they were in Pegasus, If John learned nothing it was that things were never simple.

John and Ronon were sent to check out the planet. There was very little known in the database about MKT-008 other than it was uninhabited. Elizabeth had sent them on a simple 'check it out' milk run of a mission, that was why there was only John and Ronon. She was no idiot, she knew that those two were kind of seeing each other, at the very least they were testing the waters. So she figured that they could use the time alone with prying eyes.

When the thunder itself had started, John really hadn't thought very much of it. He had been om plenty of planets where there was thunder that never amounted to anything. This wasn't one of those times. He noticed Ronon was eyeing the sky suspiciously. “What is it big guy?”

Ronon spoke without removing his eyes from the sky. “I was on a planet like this once. There's a reason why there are no people and no animals. Listen closely Sheppard. What do you hear?”

John closed his eyes and listened, just to realize that his companion was right. There was absolutely no noise. Only the wind through the trees and the rumble of thunder that sounded as though it was getting closer. “I think we should try to find a cave. Wait out the storm.” John hated waited in caves, they were always damp and somehow always managed to remind him of all the times he has found himself in primitive jail cells. But they really didn't have a choice.

“I thought that saw one back that way.” Ronon hooked his thumb in the direction they had just came from. John huffed, they were going to have to go backwards. Just great. By the time they get to the cave the thunder is so loud they don't even bother trying to talk to each other. The bright bolts of lightening in the sky make Sheppard nervous, he was so busy watching the bolts that he didn't see the tree root that he tripped over. He yelled loud enough that Ronon heard it over the thunder.

Ronon had been leading the way, so when he turned around when Sheppard yelled, it was just in time to see Sheppard slide down the ravine and over the edge of the cliff. Ronon was quick to act, he ran toward Sheppard and was just in time to grab his hand. He pulled him up by the wrist, knowing that the rain would be making their hands slippery. He got Sheppard up, who was bleeding quite badly from a gash in his forehead. Ronon picked him up and carried him the rest of the way, he knew that John would be disorientated and that would slow them down.

Once in the cave, Ronon started a small fire, thankful for the opening of the cave and the over hang that protected them from the worst of the wind and rain. After the fire was started, he went through John's vest and found the small first aid kit. He cleaned up John's face. He ended having to use the surgical glue and butterfly bandage to ensure that the bleeding had stopped. After he gave John two of the Ibuprofen, he sat back and eyed him wearily.

“I don't know how you did it but I cleaned as best as I could. I still think it's gonna scar.”

John uttered a humourless laugh. “It can join all the others.” He leaned back against the cave wall, enjoying the heat from the fire. He knew that he couldn't fall asleep, they had no idea if he had a concussion. They both stared at the fire as they waited out the rain. And once again, John swore that the next mission that had to happen on a Tuesday was Lorne's.

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Desperate Measures.

Pairing: Yandere!Kaeya/Reader (Genshin Impact).

Word Count: 2.2k.

TW: Kidnapping, Emotional Manipulation, Implied Stalking, and Delusional Mindsets.

Kaeya was a man, distracted.

Distracted. Divided. Not inattentive, but pulled away from his responsibilities by a force he couldn’t name and couldn’t say he cared for, either. He wasn’t a stranger to romantic inclinations — fantasies, sudden flings, slow-burning inclinations that died the moment his attention was called elsewhere. Predictably, the few relationships he allowed himself were short-lived, at best distasterous at worst, but he didn’t have a problem with that. If anything, Kaeya appreciated it. He’d always thought of company as optional, and what little loneliness he was still capable of feeling could be drowned with a generous glass of wine. He wasn’t one to linger. He tried not to overstay his welcome. He’d been sentimental, once, too emotional for his own good, and he’d learned his lesson. He didn’t intend to change.

He didn’t want to change.

And yet, here he was.

Distracted.

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t focus. It was all he could do to look like he might’ve been trying to read the most recent document left on his desk – this one from Jean, a directive for the younger knights or legislation she needed him to review or another vague, important report that he probably would’ve dealt with weeks ago, if he’d been able to concentrate.

He made a half-hearted effort to straighten his back as the door to his office began to open, but Kaeya dropped the act quickly, abandoning it completely by the time he heard the sound of heeled boots against hollow tile, caught a glimpse of a familiar (albeit, rarely used) catalyst, searched for eyes and found the cover of a thin book, instead, your face still buried in your newest novel as you stepped through the threshold, not bothering to knock. It was you. He should’ve known it would be. Who else did he deserve?

You, Lisa’s new assistant. You, the latest addition to the Knights of Favonius. You, his current, infuriating, unshakable fixation.

You, the new recruit who hadn’t paid him so much as a passing glance since your arrival, much to Kaeya’s frustration.

You didn’t look at him. You rarely ever did, but it hurt more than it usually did, today, as you dropped another form onto his desk, letting it replace the greeting you’d forgotten to offer. “Lisa needs you to sign this,” You started, laying out your priorities clearly, a skill Kaeya was beginning to resent. “It’s just next year’s budget. If you don’t want to read it, I think I’ll be able to look the other way.”

He glanced over the rows of numbers, the messy hand-writing, the columns of meaningless gibberish that blended together into a mess of ink and digits, and took your suggestion, scrawling his name across the only blank line. It was a lost cause, especially with you in the room. Especially with your unoccupied hand resting on his desk, your fingertips idly tapping an unsteady rhythm into the wood, and all he could think about was who he’d be willing to kill to feel that hand pressed against his cheek.

He considered asking you, for a moment, giving you an order and hoping you'd absent-mindedly obey. He thought about touching you, or running his fingers through your hair, or pulling you into his lap and mumbling sweet-nothings into your ear until someone else dragged you away.

He thought about a lot of things. Then, he said, “I take it your silence comes at a price?”

“Do I seem that selfish to you?” You were selfish. You had to be selfish. If you weren’t, then surely you would’ve been kind enough to put him out of his misery months ago. “I like helping people. Just remember this when I need a favor from you.”

“I’m sure we could work something more immediate out,” He went on, but you were already starting towards the door, calling the conversation to a close before Kaeya could begin to finish. In the back of his mind, something flared, the urge to catch your wrist, to go after you, to put himself between you and the only exit and refuse to move until you looked at him, but he forced it down, swallowing the temptation before it could eclipse his common sense. He couldn’t be impulsive. He couldn’t make rash decisions. He wasn’t prepared to deal with how difficult that would make things, not now.

Not yet.

“Join me for a drink?” He tried, again, attempting to sound unbothered. Nonchalant, casual, normal. Like he wasn’t itching to burn every book you’d touched. “I know you don’t have anything better to--”

“Another night, Captain.”

And just like that, you were gone, leaving Kaeya’s muttered response to echo through his empty office.

“Of course.”

~

Kaeya was a man, desperate.

Like a starving dog. Like a traveler who hadn’t seen water in thirty days. Like a distraught, distressed, disturbed knight, wandering through a maze of a library, cursing the existence of every shelf that separated him from you. He knew where you'd be. You were a creature of habit, and he’d already had more than enough time to memorize your routine. He’d had enough time to memorize everything about you, as ashamed as he was to admit it. It was a testament to his devotion, to how much time he’d spent trying and failing to win your favor.

It was evidence of how pathetic he’d gotten, over the course of his one-sided pursuit.

You were in your usual spot – tucked into the far corner of the library, perched on the edge of a windowsill, your attention monopolized by the tattered scroll spread across your lap. You were still pouring over it by the time he reached you, slumping against the nearest wall, taking in how brilliantly the muted sunlight looked as it danced across your skin. He didn’t try to hide the way he stared, anymore. He was long past worrying that you’d care enough to notice. Your hair was unkempt, proof that’d you slept in the archives again, if you’d slept at all. Your lips were bleeding, too, the lower one chewed raw and split down the middle, but it might’ve been stranger if they weren’t. It must’ve been a nervous tick, but Kaeya found it cute. Kaeya found it endearing. Kaeya found everything about you endearing, and to the archons, he wanted to see those lips wrapped around his co--

And he hated it. He found everything about you endearing, and he hated it. That was all.

He sighed, the sound airy, exhausted. You didn’t look up, but that was fine. It would’ve only hurt him further if someone as simple as that drew out your concern. “I’m in love with you.”

There was a hum, soft and contemplative. A rather generous response, by your standards. “I’ve noticed.”

“You’re all I think about.” It was an awkward confession, one he’d already used a hundred different times. He didn’t care. He’d use it a hundred more, if he had to. “I’m a wreck. I can barely remember my own name, and some days I can’t even do that. I can’t fight, I can’t eat, I can hardly breathe. Every morning, I wonder what it would be like to wake up to your smile, and every night, I stare at my ceiling and loath myself because I’m not holding you in my arms. For fuck’s sake, just yesterday, I almost kissed Albedo because the chemicals he was working with reminded me of the way your favorite kind of flower smells, and I’m just so fucking desperate, I convinced myself that was the closest I’d ever come to kissing you.”

He was rambling, by the end, panting, yelling, but you only blinked when he was done, once, then twice. Your dull nails bit into the edges of your scroll, but you didn’t seem to mind, nor did you move to roll it up as you finally turned to face him, the confusion written clearly across your expression. “You kissed Albedo?”

“You don’t get it,” He said, and you nodded in agreement. “You don’t fucking get it.”

“I think I do,” You admitted, more earnestly. Your gaze dropped back to the ground, and instantly, Kaeya deflated. “I just… I just don’t think it’d work out, if I’m being honest. I’m still new. I still have to give everyone else a reason to trust me, and I don’t think it’s in my best interest to start a relationship with one of my superiors so early on.” You paused, laughing to yourself, and something in Kaeya’s chest tightened. It was the happiest he’d been since he met you, and he still felt like you’d pushed a sword through his heart and twisted. “But, you don’t really want a relationship, do you? You’re just bored, and you need something to fixate on. I’m the most available option, so...” You trailed off, finishing your sentence with a vague, stilted sweeping gesture. “It’ll be easier for both of us, this way. I like you, Captain, but I don’t like you enough to put myself through that.”

It was all he could do to remember how to open his mouth. Once he did, the words came stumbling out on their own.

“Of course.”

~

Kaeya was a man, determined.

Determined might’ve been the wrong word for it. Too soft, too suggestive, the impression too positive and the meaning too vague. ‘Depraved’ might’ve suited him better, but that was too harsh, too primitive, and he’d like to think he’d been as gentle as anyone could expect him to be, given your stubbornness. He’d tried to be gentle. He’d wanted to be gentle. If he was going to do this to you, he could at least do it gently. You deserved that much, at least.

Or, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t deserve any of this.

He couldn’t really make up his mind, about that.

“Lisa?”

And he was gentle, more so than he had to be. Sure, you were on the floor, bare stone already beginning to chafe at your skin, but the shackles around your wrists were padded, and he’d given you enough slack to sit down, to ball yourself up, to act like it’d never crossed your mind that he’d resort to something so… easily misinterpreted. The blindfold was, similarly, an act of mercy. You’d panic if you woke up like this, chained to a wall in someone else’s cellar, and Kaeya didn’t want that. You needed time, and he could give you that. He would give you that. Even if it pained him to stay at arm’s length.

“Amber?”

He wanted to touch you. It’d be easy, now, easier than it’d ever been before. You wouldn’t be able to push him away, and even if you tried to, he could always overpower you. Take you by the neck, pin you against the floor, leave you shaking and trembling and begging, pleading with a captor you couldn’t see. He’d find a way to make it up to you, later on. He’d find a way to lie, to smile, to make it better, even if he’d failed to time and time again, out there. But, this would be different. You wouldn’t be able to cling to your excuses, and he’d be able to show you how much he cared, how much he wanted this, how much he loved you. This would be better.

“Kaeya?”

See? You were already coming around.

Your voice was already soft, hesitant, a sliver of a whisper that was constantly on the verge of dying out completely. You were trying not to make noise, trying not to seem as terrified as you really were, but he could hear the way your breath hitched as he took a step forward, your restraints rattling as you curled into yourself. You couldn’t hide from him, but you wanted to. That much was obvious. You didn’t want this.

But, he did. More than you could ever want to run away from it.

He wanted to touch you, but he held himself back. Instead, he only kneeled in front of you, letting himself linger for a moment before he spoke. “I’m here, love.”

“Where are we?” You were afraid, too scared to put the pieces together. Not while you could still hope there was another explanation. Not while you could still deny the apparent. “My head hurts, and I can’t--”

“I know, and I’ll make it up to you.” This time, he let himself reach out, cupping your cheek and chuckling as you tried to shy away. The two of you could work on that, later on. He could live with the guilt if he let himself enjoy it, now. “Just give me a moment, alright? Just a second, then I’ll take care of you.”

You opened your mouth, then you closed it again. Kaeya wondered if you’d be bold enough to refuse if he did try to kiss you, or hold you, or go further than the fleeting touches he’d swore would keep him satisfied, at first, at least. He wondered if he’d care, when you did. “Are… are you going to hurt me?”

He wanted to reassure you. He wanted to promise he’d be patient, that he’d understand if you lashed out, that violence wasn’t an option he was willing to consider, but he couldn’t, like this, could he? He didn’t want to hurt you, but he’d never wanted to kidnap you, either, not until you made it obvious he didn’t have another choice. He didn’t want to stoop so low, he didn’t want you to hate him, but…

But, he was lying again, wasn’t he?

To tell the truth, he couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely cared whether or not you loved him back.

You stifled a scream as his hand dropped to your jaw, his grip tightening as he jerked you forward, just close enough to wrap his arm around your waist, to bury his face in the side of your neck, to get a taste of what you’d deprived him of. It wasn’t enough, he doubted it’d ever be enough, but he had you. He had you, he was close to you, and he had you. That had to be enough, for now.

“We’ll see.”