#and he never asks about monica cause he kind of hates her for the whole s4 and s5 thing and for making ian cry s1? and thats cause he doesn

[iangallagherisadeadman]

honestly I really like the fact we don't know shit about Laura Milkovich cause neither Mickey or Mandy knows shit about Monica and they haven't met her either it seems fair

[kandyzee]

Do you like Monica?

Thanks for asking :)

My feeling on Monica are very mixed. She's a terrible mother, caused lots of trauma for children but a part of me just can't hate her.

She's played incredibly well, I think she is probably one of the best acted characters in the whole show. They way Chloe Webb plays Monica, specifically her bipolar disorder, makes me so easily empathise with her.

I really feel like Monica loves her children. She wants the best for them, but her problems get in the way. If she was stable and sober, I think she could have been an amazing mother. Monica is kind and loving. Even fiona, who is probably the one who shit talks her the most, recognises that.

Lots of Monica's worst traits, her selfishness, recklessness, and carelessness are caused or hightend by her disorder. We never really see Monica when she's on middle ground, maybe when she comes to get Liam(ill talk about this later) But that doesn't mean she's unable to be even. Frank was a large part of why she never got there.

A lot of people act like Frank was ruined by Monica, but I think it was the other way round. Never was it said that Monica forced Frank to anything he didn't want to. Frank found a severely mentally ill young woman and encouraged her drug use. He took advantage of her. Monica didn't want to keep fiona. It was Frank who made her keep the baby. I wouldn't be surprised if similar things happened with the other siblings. This is something that makes it harder for me to hate her.

If you don't want a child, it's gonna be hard to raise them. She loves her children, but their is also a lot of trauma around them for her. She knows she can't give her kids what they need, but she trys. It's not enough. Her illness and insecurity always win.

She does a lot of things wrong. Like when she takes Ian out in hopes he will fuck an old man. That's wrong. Even then, in her own twisted way, she is trying to help. I think some of her own likely trauma makes it hard for her to see right from wrong sometimes. Monica disrespects boundaries over and over, she's unreliable and she hurts people. She does bad things to herself and other people, unlike Frank, tho I know she feels guilty. She doesn't want to be like this. She probably feels trapped.

Her trying to take Liam is just gross. I can understand it in a way, tho. Monica felt like she had already failed her other kids. She definitely did, so she wants to have a chance at least doing right by one of them. She should have been there for all of them. Monica is ashamed. Maybe if she can get Liam right, some of that shame will go away.

Pretty much, I don't like what Monica's done, but I don't think her actions accurately represent the kinda person she was. Monica wanted to be good she just couldn't be. I don't hate her, and I find her super interesting.

[lilacmoon83]

Clarity

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 55: New Alliance

Kurt looked around the lavish mansion, as they entered the atrium. He had never seen it, but his wife had told him about her brother's employer and his lavish estate. And about the man that was her father and later brother's employer. The man that had started all this was Aristotle Bolt. He had come from very old money and an elite bloodline. The Bolt family had always had a fascination with the paranormal and the occult, but Aristotle had taken it to a whole new level. Collecting ancient artifacts was one thing, but this Bolt had taken it to a whole new level. According to his late wife, Aristotle Bolt had tried to collect people he believed had supernatural abilities. And her father, Lucas Dernanian, had eagerly helped him. When she found that out, she cut all ties with him and then with her brother once he had gone to work for the Bolt family.

The large portrait of the man was an unsettling sight upon entering. He had not been a young man by any means, so Kurt assumed he was long gone. However, as two people came down the stairs to meet them, he could only surmise that these were the offspring of this man. He hated that Greg had been sucked into this family cult with his Uncle and he was at a loss as to how he was going to get his son away from all this.

"Welcome back, Mr. Mendell," the woman said.

"Your name isn't Mendell," Kurt whispered.

"I'm afraid it is now, Dad. When I joined the cause, I left my old identity behind for a new one," Greg said.

"The Cause?" Kurt asked.

"So you found your father, after all. It's surprising the Queen you told us about didn't kill him," the man said.

"She just locked him up in a mental ward for thirty years instead," Greg said.

"This is my father Kurt Flynn," he added.

"It's a pleasure. I am Aleister Bolt and this is my sister Marina. We are the heirs to the Bolt family empire," he said in a cultured voice.

"What kind of cult have you sucked my son into?" Kurt asked bluntly.

"Dad…" Greg hissed, but the pair of siblings only chuckled.

"It's okay Greg…many that don't understand our cause call us a cult. But we prefer to operate under an unassumed name of the Home Office," Marina replied. He raised an eyebrow.

"And what exactly does your Home Office do?" Kurt asked.

"We look for supernatural and magical places like the one you were in for thirty years and we look for the people too. We are very much eager to see this place now that it has magically appeared again," Aleister said.

"Yes…and you can tell us all about it at dinner. I'm sure you are all famished," Marina said, as they led them to the dining room. Kurt reluctantly followed.

~*~

Snow and David walked hand in hand back to town, with Regina and Merryweather following them. Once they hit town proper and Main Street, they spotted Chief Firebird and his brother, as well as young Monica and Tigerlily. Monica saw them and ran up to them.

"I was right…you are a princess!" she called. Snow smiled and hugged her.

"You were right," she agreed. David smiled at the little girl, as she took his wife's hand and led her over to her family. She was enamored with Snow and he understood it perfectly. He was and always would be enamored with her too.

"Thank you for meeting us again," Billy Truheart said.

"Of course…I'm guessing that Lucian is causing trouble," David replied.

"Yes…even more so now that we have our memories. He had exiled our families, even though my brother is the true Chief of our tribe," Billy said. Mathias nodded curtly.

"We usually do not seek outside help in matters concerning our tribe, but Billy and Monica seem to trust your wife and by extension, you. From what I have seen, they are right to do so. My daughter Tigerlily says your daughter is the Savior," Mathias replied. They exchanged a glance.

"She is…she broke the curse and we share the same goal. That is ousting Lucian and Narcissa from power. Neither has good intentions for any of us," David said.

"Finally…something we agree on. I'm Mayor and the people would have never voted me out if they had known about Narcissa," Regina said. As she said that, however, a mob of people rounded the corner and started shouting. They were being led by Dr. Whale.

"There she is! The Queen!" they shouted.

"Sure about that?" David asked. Regina was alarmed, as the angry mob seemed to descend upon them.

"Hold it Whale…" David warned, as he stood in their path.

"Are you seriously protecting the Queen!? You should hate her more than us! She's the reason we're all here!" he shouted.

"Believe me…I'm her least biggest fan, but this town still has laws and I will enforce them. We will not descend into lawlessness!" David announced to the mob.

"Then lock her up!" Grumpy said gruffly.

"She will face justice…but I'm afraid Regina is not our biggest problem. Narcissa Blake and Lucian Blackwater are a far bigger threat to all of us," Snow called over the crowd.

"Then what do you plan to do?" Doc questioned.

"We'll explore our legal options, since Narcissa was elected under false pretenses," Emma interjected, as she arrived with Neal, Henry, Gold and Belle.

"Henry…" Regina called, but she didn't receive a warm welcome from her son, who stayed beside Neal and refused to go to her.

"Henry please…" she pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Legal options!? You're the Sheriff…just arrest her! Arrest them all!" Whale shouted.

"On what grounds, Doctor? Are you an expert on the law? Maybe that would fly back in your land, but it doesn't fly in this one," Emma responded.

"Screw the law…we'll get our justice, even if we have to go through you," he growled. But quick as lightning, David drew his sword and leveled it at the doctor's neck.

"Wrong…you'll have to go through me first to get to her and I've been itching to kick your ass, Whale. Give me a reason," the prince growled.

"You're not my Prince," Whale hissed back.

"But I am Deputy and my daughter is your Sheriff. Back off now or you're the one going to jail," David warned. Whale smirked.

"I'm the only doctor in this stupid town…you can't lock me up. At least, not for long," he goaded.

"That doesn't give you a license to be a belligerent ass or to go around exacting your own brand of justice," Emma warned.

"Emma is right…you're a doctor, but you're acting like a lunatic," Snow said. His gaze darted to her incredulously.

"No…the lunatic came into my hospital and started shooting, while your husband and daughter proceeded to lead him down into the mental ward to retrieve a patient and here they stand, refusing to arrest the woman that put that man down there in the first place!" he shouted and a few in the crowd agreed with him.

"Arresting Regina doesn't help our situation against Narcissa. Believe me when I tell you, Narcissa is worse and I hate them both for trying to hurt Snow. But Narcissa and Lucian are far worse," Merryweather warned.

"Who the hell are you?" Whale questioned.

"She's my fairy Godmother," Snow responded. He rolled his eyes.

"Of course she is…" he deadpanned.

"Look Whale…riling up a mob of people and fighting amongst ourselves is the last thing we should be doing right now. Because I can guarantee that Lucian and Narcissa are working together against all of us," David said.

"So you say…but we both know that you just hate my guts no matter what I do, because I slept with your wife during the curse," he said smugly. David clenched his fist and instinctively, he knew Whale was trying to bait him into attacking. Snow did too and put her hand on his arm.

"Which was a terrible night for me and I would have never consented to it with my memories. It was a night I regret and wish never happened," Snow said.

"It's not your fault…we were both cursed," David replied. But Whale seemed intent on goading them further.

"I don't remember it being regrettable at all for either of us," he boasted to the crowd.

"It was awful and I faked it," Snow said bluntly. Emma nearly choked back her laughter and the others in the crowd snickered in amusement, as Whale and his ego deflated. David didn't hide his smugness, as she slid her arms around him and rested her head against his arm.

"Now that all the hot air has been expelled, we need to get back to discussing the problem of Lucian and Narcissa," Gold interjected, as most of the mob dispersed and Dr. Whale quickly made himself scarce.

"We may be able to help you with that," another voice interjected and Emma recognized them as the siblings they had freed from the basement.

"Hey…it's you. You two ran off before we could ask you any questions," Emma said.

"Sorry about that…we just needed to get our bearings and find some information. We did so and I'm afraid letting Greg Mendell go may have been a mistake," the man said.

"I told you," Regina said, but she was ignored.

"Okay…so who are you?" Snow asked.

"My name is Tia and this is my brother Tony. We're from a realm that is different entirely from this one and the Enchanted Forest," she explained.

"So how did you end up here and locked up in Regina's dungeon?" David asked.

"I've never seen these two in my life!" Regina replied in protest.

"She's right…and that's another long story. Firstly though, we should tell you about what may be coming to Storybrooke," Tony said.

"So Greg isn't going to heed our warning, I take it?" David asked.

"No…he's confident the leaders of his cause and Narcissa can protect him," Tia replied.

"His cause?" Snow asked.

"The cause is what they call it, but it's more like a cult," Tony replied.

"Tamara was in this cult too, wasn't she?" Neal asked. They nodded.

"I'm afraid so. They use the generic name of the Home Office, but they are really followers of the wealthy Bolt family empire," Tia said. Emma's eyes widened.

"The Bolt family?" she exclaimed.

"You know them?" David asked.

"Not personally, but everyone knows about the Bolt family. They're one of the richest families in the world. They own like everything in half the country," Emma replied.

"Try half the world and that includes all of Lucian's Casinos, his reservations out west, and Blake Fashions," Tia replied.

"My Aunt is in league with them?" Snow asked.

"I'm afraid so. They found her after she came to this world. You see, the Bolt family is obsessed with magic and the supernatural. They collect anything and anyone with powers or ties to other worlds," Tony replied.

"But Greg hates magic…why would he work with these people?" Emma asked.

"They found Greg when he was a lost little boy after he was separated from his father," Tia said, looking at Regina, who looked away.

"They brainwash people to their cause and get them to fear what they don't understand. They are led to help the Bolt's find magical things and people so those things and people can be controlled. The Bolt's have no intention of destroying magic. They have every intention of possessing it…and anyone that has it," Tony said gravely. Snow and David recoiled slightly.

"You mean Emma?" Snow asked in surprise.

"If you're asking if they know about her…then yes, they do. They even tried to scoop her up out of the foster system when she was a teenager. Narcissa told them about you," Tia replied.

"Oh my God…" Snow cried, as David pulled her into his arms.

"What did they want her for and how did they fail? They don't seem like they lack resources," David questioned.

"You're right…but they knew Narcissa couldn't be trusted not to hurt Emma based on her hatred of Snow. They knew of her magic and lineage and just kept tabs on her. I think they realized she would eventually lead them to this place," Tia replied.

"But I don't have magic," Emma said.

"Really? So lightbulbs didn't explode around you or electronics didn't go haywire when you were emotional?" Tony asked. Emma was stunned into silence. She had never made that connection.

"You're the product of the truest love in your land…you are magic, Emma," Tia added.

"How do you know so much about magic?" Regina questioned curiously.

"Because we have powers too…but in our land, they don't come from true love and aren't exactly the type of magic you're familiar with," Tony replied.

"Then what exactly are your powers?" Gold asked.

"They work in lands with and without magic. They are learned and all our people are born with telepathy and telekinesis. Tia didn't talk until we were almost nine, because most of our people communicate telepathically," Tony explained. They were amazed when Tia demonstrated by floating a few rocks on the ground into the air.

"And where are the rest of your people?" Belle asked in fascination.

"I'm afraid they are all gone. That's how we ended up in this land in the late 1970's. Our parents put us in a vessel that could cross realms. It was similar to what you might see as a submarine. The waters connect all the realms and if you have the right magic or technology, you can cross them in that vessel," Tony explained.

"It was only big enough for two and we were barely toddlers, thrust into this unfamiliar and at times harsh world," Tia said.

"I was angry at them for a long time, because being in the system sucked. I wished they had just kept us with them, even if it meant dying," he explained.

"But I came to realize that they sent us away to save us; to give us our best chance," he added, looking at Emma, who sucked in a breath at that.

"So…you encountered the Bolt family when you came here?" Neal asked.

"Yes…they got wind of our possible abilities. We were the weird kids in our ground home and probably should have been more careful with our powers. But to us, we didn't see why we had to hide who we were," Tia replied.

"Aristotle Bolt, who is long dead now thankfully, sent his attorney Lucas Deranian and basically adopted us. At first, it wasn't so bad. He took us to the Bolt mansion and all the sudden, we had all this stuff," Tony explained.

"Unfortunately, what we didn't have was freedom and we soon realized that it was our powers we were interested in. We think Bolt wanted to use them for his own gain," Tia continued.

"But if Bolt is dead…who is still running things?" Emma asked.

"That's why we ran off to find information. Thanks to the advance technology has had, it was easy and quick to find on a computer now. Bolt's children are and they've grown his Empire. It seems they are just as bad, if not worse," Tia replied.

"She's right…and Greg Mendell is in this deep. We didn't realize it until now, but he's related to Deranian. His Uncle is the child of Lucas Deranian. He's also a formal federal agent," Tony said.

"Great…the hits keep coming," Emma replied.

"How did you two end up in Storybrooke anyway? I was sure that I knew everyone in my town, at least until all these outsiders came," Regina said.

"We were on the run from the Bolts. Our only chance was a portal to somewhere else and fortunately, there's an old mountain where we came through that is a portal to other words, if you have the powers to find it," Tia said.

"It's in the Blue Ridge Mountains somewhere in Pennsylvania and it's been dubbed Witch Mountain, because the legends around it are that people go missing there," Tony added.

"But they're not going missing…they're just falling through portals," Belle surmised. He nodded.

"We found it and escaped to the Enchanted Forest. We assume Bolt and Deranian gave up when they couldn't find the portal. But it looks like they passed their obsession onto their kids," Tia replied.

"So you got caught up in the curse?" Snow asked. They nodded.

"We don't know why we got locked up as a curse. It's possible the spell didn't know what to do with anomalies so it automatically locked us away," Tony reasoned.

"Then we can be reasonably certain Greg is going to return with his leaders and if they're connected to Lucian and Narcissa, then we all must work together to defeat all of them," David said.

"Lucian wasted no time in banishing us and he plans to break ground on his Casino complex as soon as possible. If one pops up, Storybrooke will become a tourist trap in no time," Billy said.

"And that would risk people finding out our secrets," Gold added.

"If Bolt is pouring the money in…it might be too late to stop it," Tia said.

"We have to try. In the meantime, we'll take all of you to Granny's. She'll give you rooms for free if we ask," David replied.

"Thank you," Mathias said gratefully.

"Looks like our friend is back," Emma mentioned, as Maleficent flew overhead.

"If we can get that potion, I can end all of this," Gold said, as she landed and transformed into her human form.

"So you figured out how to change in this land, dearie," Gold said.

"I have and no…you can't have the potion," she replied. He clenched his teeth.

"We need it…the survival of the town could depend on it," he hissed.

"And I know you and her," Maleficent said, as her eyes flicked to Regina.

"Neither of you have learned anything and bringing magic here will only make things worse, trust me," Maleficent.

"Then why are you here?" Regina asked.

"I'm looking for them," she said, as she looked at Snow, Charming, and Emma.

"I need their help to find someone," Maleficent answered.

"Who?" Emma asked.

"My daughter," Maleficent answered.

[sunjaesol]

clandestine meetings and longing stares

juke secret dating au | title: illicit affairs // taylor swift | a middle of the night scribble

When twelve year old Julie Molina got a stern talk from her father that she wasn't allowed to date until college, the tween had no qualms with it. The only boy she's ever liked had been Sokka from Avatar and that was it. Real boys didn't interest her. 

Until she turned sixteen and caught sight of Luke Patterson. 

In the years between, she had small crushes here and there. Lance, Nick, Noah. None, however, competed with storm that erupted in her stomach each time Luke smiled at her - her heart in a constant frenzy. 

It was the beginning of junior year when he randomly sat next to her in music class and brought out all the bravado. It shouldn't have been cute. Julie should've rolled her eyes, dismissed his cute smirk, but she simply couldn't. The shimmering green of his eyes and the nice laugh was too alluring, too attractive. Soon enough, Julie was crushing on him hard. Which was fortunate, since he very much liked her as well, something he never hid from her. 

("Watch out, Julie," he joked during one of their first conversations. "The charm is gonna make you get a crush on me!") 

Luke kissed her two weeks after, chastely and secretly under the bleachers. Her infatuated mind forgot in that moment how she wasn't even allowed to look at a guy and eagerly kissed him back. It had been her first kiss and wow - what a perfect one at that. 

A beat later, she realised her mistake and told him about her dad's stupid rule. His face had crashed for all of ten seconds when a mischievous grin crawled on his lips (an expression that would get her into serious trouble one day) and said: "Why tell him?" 

Had it been any other boy, she would've shaken her head and regret kissing him. But this was Luke. She really liked Luke. The idea of not being with him, of not seeing where this could go, was a greater fear than her father's disappointment. In response, she snatched him back into a kiss he all too hungrily went along with. 

Rule #1: Don't date! Broken, busted, thrown out the window with a smile. 

It started off easy. At school, no one had to worry. She sat with him at lunch and let herself be coaxed under the bleachers and snuggled into his embrace at the end of the day. On the parking lot, she could pretend she was simply saying goodbye to her boyfriend and not going home to lie in her dad's face about why she was so overly chipper all of a sudden. 

(Luke made her so ridiculously happy it was unfair. Each time he surprised her with a hug, her feet lifted from the ground; each time they kissed, his thumbs grazed her cheeks like she was a precious gem; each time she came up with a clever lyric, he gave her the toothiest grin and called her all the cute nicknames he could think of. Boss, baby, babe, Lyric Queen.) 

God, she was complete mush for this boy. Sometimes she wondered if she was doing enough, not quite matching his overt display of affection, but she knew she must be doing something right if he never stopped smiling when she talked. That his eyes held a certain softness, timidness, reserved for her only. 

They outgrew school quickly. Both wanted to go on dates without raising suspicion, Luke wanted to come over and just be with her without causing havoc. 

"Why does the rule exist anyway?", he asked at the end of a cool December day. 

Julie toyed with the lapels of his red shacket. "It's dumb. I mean, I get it, but it's dumb." Sighing, she explained his reasoning. "He wants me to fully focus on school so that I can get into a good college. Once I secured that, then I'm allowed to have fun."

Luke frowned. "I- I guess I kind of get it."

Her eyes rolled teasingly. "You don't even want to go to college." 

"Correction: I wanna go to frat parties and have the college experience-" 

"Without the classes part," she deadpanned. His face fell flat, a giggle of her own following. 

His frown returned, a look she hated seeing. "You don't think he'll… I don't know, let go of that rule when he sees we're good?" His calloused hands slipped from her waist to softly cradle her face. Julie sighed, leaning into the touch. Resisting Luke and everything he did was hard. A smile twitched on his lips. "Would be pretty dope to come through the front door and kiss my girlfriend."

Her heart clenched at his confession. It would be amazing, but it sounded so unbelievable that it could easily be taken as a joke. Dad would go absolutely insane if she pulled something like that. Hey dad! Don't mind me as I jump into the arms of my boyfriend and he kisses me like a heartthrob from the movies! 

She should've known Luke would try something. His impulsivity was an admirable trait, she found, though the pebbles hitting her window past midnight have her such a fright that she cursed for a beat how one track minded he could be. Until she caught sight of him. Eyes twinkling in the moonlight, a wide smile, his casual stance. He pointed at her and she nodded, grabbing her phone to text him there was a ladder by the garage. 

Quiet like a ghost and quick like a fox, Luke snuck into her room, feet falling onto the floor with a soft thud. 

Butterflies raged in her stomach. Her secret boyfriend was here, in her room, right now, with her father sleeping just down the hall. 

"What're you doing here?", she whispered, already breathless from having him near. 

His nose scrunched up. "Trying to be romantic. Should I have called you first?" 

She shook her head. "It's fine. Maybe next time. It's-" Her arms slung around his shoulders, heart hammering a mile a minute. Her pyjamas were nothing special, an oversized pullover and sweatshorts, but it felt oddly intimate to be so cozy together. His own faded t-shirt was from a zoo in Oregon and his sweatpants softer than any of the ones she owned. Julie almost asked to borrow them, if it wasn't for his lips to swallow the words with a warm kiss. 

Her fingers slipped into his hair. Yeah. This was better than talking. 

It soon became routine. Every other week, Luke would text her a moon emoji and then climb into her room around midnight. They'd kiss and cuddle, Luke often leaving by five am and then making a whole show at school as if he hadn't seen her. Julie thought it was cute. If she could, she'd return the favour and go to his place, but Luke assured her she did not want that and, consequently, her father would just know. Unfortunately, she didn't have Luke's agility like some parkour champ. 

"Trust me, Jules, I don't mind," he told her at lunch while stealing a cherry tomato. "I like sneaking in."

Alex shot him a look. "You like feeling like the main character of a movie, that's what."

"You brainwashed me with romcoms, so it's your fault, dude,' Luke retorted, grinning when the blonde flipped him off. 

They got cocky though. Julie knew her dad would be gone during the day for a photography gig in Santa Monica, all the way on the other side of Los Angeles. It was the perfect excuse to get Luke over. Excited, Julie opened the front door for him with a flourish and did a silly courtesy. 

"Your first time using my door," she teased. "Must feel special."

His cocky nod made her roll her eyes. "Super special," he replied gravely, playing along. "She's been begging for me."

Her expression turned sour. "I haven't been begging for you." 

His smirk widened, tugging on a curl as he slipped past her. "Was I talking about you?" 

He didn't, but he did start making out with her the second they were in the safety of her bedroom, so she knew there wasn't much competition. 

That afternoon, they successfully avoided her dad's wrath and felt arrogantly confident about it. It made them daring. Pushing the limits, how far could they go, how blatant could they be before he knew? It was almost a game, the thrill part of the insane attraction she felt each time he snuck in. 

His strong arms were wrapped around her as she straddled his waist, kissing him. Every touch was languid and intentional, a searing passion that rippled her skin and left her mind empty. Kissing Luke always put her in a dreamy, blissful haze. Her fingers clawed at his shirt and he shrugged it off in one fluid motion, pulling her back in. His skin was warm, hers to explore. Julie grinned into the kiss. His fingers toyed with the hem of her top.  

"Julie?" 

They froze. Her dad. Other side of the door. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. As quietly as possible, the girl hoisted herself from his lap and motioned at her closet. 

"Julie?" The door handle began to shake. 

Her voice squeaked. "Just a second!" Luke tiptoes into her closet, Julie kicking his shirt under her bed as she ran to the door. Her flushed cheeks would be a dead giveaway had her father ever doubt her trust. Fortunately, Julie Molina was in the eyes of her family a perfect good girl. 

(The guy hiding in her closet would whisper something else in her ear.)

"Why is your door locked?" Dad frowned. "You never lock your door."

Julie shrugged, innocence leaking from her tone. "I can't have some privacy?" 

"Of course, Julie," he said, though his lips were pressed into a thin smile. This clearly wasn't the last time they'd talk about it. "I'm going to the store. Do you need something?" 

"No, thanks," she rushed. "Anything else?" 

"Uh, no. Don't lock yourself in, hm?" It was said as a joke, his brows lifted, but both she and her father knew he meant it. No more locking doors. Shit. 

When the front door fell shut and the car rumbled into the street, Luke reappeared with a careful smile. 

Julie sighed. "That… was close. Maybe we should stop hanging out right after school. I didn't even hear him coming up the stairs."

"Damn, Jules!” Peppering two kisses on her forehead, it did little to relief her stress. “Now that's an ego booster."

"I'm serious!" She huffed. "I hate this. I hate the rule and I hate that I'm making you put up with it."

"Hey, hey," he soothed. "It's shitty, yeah, but you're not making me do anything." Nodding at her lips, he added: "Your smile is already…" 

The smile bloomed on its own accord when he trailed off, edging closer. "What?" 

That little shake of his head almost made her kiss him, but she wanted to know what he was going to say, why his lips were parted in that wonderstruck expression. When nothing came, a curious hum rumbled in her throat as she placed her chin on his chest. 

He relented, tapping a finger against her cheek. “Your smile is already making me do dumb stuff.”

Oh, God. If he was going to continue saying things like that, she might actually fall in love with him. Back when Julie and Flynn were still obsessed with those relationship quizzes in magazines, she always claimed she’d like guys that weren’t so smooth with their words. She thought it meant they were players. But Luke never half-assed anything. 

Her head tilted, amused. “Do you always have words ready?”

“Zero words, Jules,” he quipped. “Ever.”

Yeah, she might actually love him. 

Public dates became a thing after that conversation. She simply couldn’t let him get away because of some rule, even if he claimed he wouldn’t. Eats & Beats was a cute, little café in the heart of Los Feliz with live music and amazing lattes; it was also their regular spot. They’d settle themselves into a booth, share a baked good (“If we’re trying the carrot cake now, we’re doing the pastel de nata next week.” “Deal.”) and talk for hours. Sometimes, when either was tinkering on a song, they’d work on it together.

One leg overlapped his, his fingers drawing pictures on her knee. The booth with the suede red couches and the scratching of a star in the wood was their safe haven.  

“Mh, no,” she swallowed the piece of muffin. “That’s such an ugly word, don’t use that.”

He grinned, shoulders nudging as a tease. “Drencher not doing it for you?”

A laugh bubbled up, kissing his cheek. “Just use ‘rain’, you dork!”

“Dork?”, he mocked, getting in her face. 

“Yeah.” Her nose brushed his. “Dork.” 

“You are a dork.”

“That’s the best you’ve got, Patterson?”

Luke smirked, eyes flicking across her frame. “Want me to show you my best, Molina?”

She pushed his face away, a blush creeping up her cheekbones. They haven’t done it yet, but whenever he got like this, she felt her entire skin heat up at the mere idea. A part of her wanted to take that step, but she felt bad doing it if her dad or tía didn’t know. Knowing that they wouldn’t support her for as long as the rule existed, made her settle with that heat for a little longer. Her leg slipped from his and turned back to his songbook. 

“So-”

“Julie?”

The couple looked up, once more paralysed as her dad’s familiar voice called her name. Why was he literally everywhere?! His tall figure stood in front of their booth, his hat shrouding the grimace on his face as his scrutinising eyes flitted between them. Oh, God. Did he know? Did he see? How much did he see? Did he see Luke checking her out? Mortification didn’t even come close to what she felt. 

“Dad!” Her pressed smile hopefully looked relaxed to him. Her dad had moments of obliviousness; she might be able to save this. “What- hi, I didn’t know you had a booking here.”

His suspicion didn’t waver. “Yeah, honey, for the Rodriguez’ - I told you last night. Was just getting, ah, coffee.” He nodded at Luke. “Who’s this?”

My boyfriend. The one I’m falling for. The boy I’ve been hiding for months. “This is Luke, he’s one of my classmates.” The way his arm tensed at the label made her ache, but she had to truck on. “We’re working on a song.”

If he didn’t believe her, she just hurt her boyfriend for no reason. It did the trick though. Her father’s face mellowed, noticing the scribbles in the tattered book. “You’re working on a song?”

“Yeah. It’s really getting along.” Her finger tapped against his thigh. “Right, Luke?”

He perked up, a cough following as he straightened his attitude. This really was not the way she wanted them to meet. “Uh, yeah.” His hand stuck out. “Hi, mister Molina.”

Dad shook it with a smile, fully relaxed now. “Ray. Nice to meet you.” The barista called out his name. “See you at home, Julie. Don’t stay out long, yeah?”

Her smile twitched and crashed the second he turned around, grabbed his coffee and closed the glass door. She groaned, dropping her head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“I gotta be honest,” he whispered. “That hurt.”

“I’m sorry.”

Luke sighed. “I was okay being a secret before, but…”

She coaxed his jaw, needing him to look at her. “It’ll hurt more if I tell him and forces me to break up with you.”

For a moment, silence sunk onto the table, wedging itself like thick smoke between her and Luke. He seemed pensive, the green of his eyes peering. Suddenly, they lit up. “But wait, aren’t you getting your results? Early admission?”

She sagged in her seat, pouting. “If UCLA wants me.”

“They will,” he smiled. His arms wrapped around her. “Of course, they will. And if you get in, he can’t be mad that you’re dating me, right?”

Hope tinged her chest. She hasn’t considered that. She’s been so focused on Luke and trying to keep it hidden, that everything college-related went over her head. The letters and essays and interviews happened before she and Luke got serious, so with her being on that pink cloud ever since, school stress has been locked away. Why bother mulling over UCLA when she could be having fun with Luke? 

If she locked in UCLA… then Luke might be right. And if not UCLA, then she’d hear of USC and NYU next year. (If they were even still together by the time those letters got in the mail.) 

“You might’ve found the loophole,” she teased, hoping to lift the tension. And then she uttered out her biggest fear: “But if you haven’t… will you stay?”

His kiss answered her, soft and sweet and with a hint of blueberry muffin. A grin bloomed on her lips, burrowing her face in his shoulder. She felt it. That overflowing, unbridled adoration overwhelming her all at once. Julie loved him. It was April fourteenth and it only took her six months but Julie loved Luke. They stayed in the booth until they had to go home.

Her phone was mocking her. Luke and her were in her car, stagnant, as both stared at the white screen. Every few minutes, she refreshed it, yet no email came. Gah! Couldn’t colleges just send the email when they said they would? What was taking so long? Did that mean she didn’t get in? Was this a bad sign? It helped having Luke there, easing the rising stress that clenched her ribcage, but she wouldn’t be fully okay until that freaking email come through. 

As if sensing her thoughts, he drummed against the dashboard. “It’s gonna be cool. You look great in blue and gold, you gotta get in.”

She giggled, nerves lacing her tone. “Imagine if that’s how you got in. You’d get into USC then.”

“Are you saying I look hot in red?”, he teased. 

“You know you- oh my God!” She lurched for her phone as a new email pinged in, heartbeat stuttering in her ears. Frozen, her thumb hovered over the fated email. This would change everything - for better or for worse. She knew she should focus on the fact that it would determine where she’d go to college, but all she could think about was Luke, Luke, Luke. Was it selfish to care more about junior prom then UCLA? At this very moment, she thought it was completely justified. 

She shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t do it. You open it.”

His brows raised. “You sure?”

“Yeah-” She stuffed the phone in his hand and put her trembling ones on her lap. “-do it for me.”

Luke took a deep breath. Julie shut her eyes. Please. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please accept her. Please let her be with Luke.

Ten seconds passed. His voice gave nothing away. “Julie?”

“Just rip the band-aid off,” she choked out.   

A familiar, calloused hand softly grabbed hers. Her eyes cracked open. Luke had the biggest smile on his face and it made her heart pop out of her chest. She bit down on her lip, fighting off a grin. “Don’t play with me.”

“I’m not,” he sang, reaching across the console to show her phone. You got accepted! blinked in bold, black letters. “You’re UCLA bound, baby!”

Euphoria burst out. Julie squealed, throwing her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a searing kiss. She got in! She fucking got into college! A great one at that! Another Molina was going for gold! 

And it might even get her to date Luke without secrecy. God, she hoped this was enough. She wanted to do everything with him. All the time, the entire time. Flynn has called them clingy, but Julie just wanted to get rid of the anxiety of her dad finding out. To finally relax and be fully with him.

Her head tilted, bashful. “Is it crazy to say that I might be in love with you?”

He dropped her phone in the cupholder and peppered another kiss on her mouth. “No. That’s good.” His thumb traced her bottom lip, eyes glittering with adoration. “Cause I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you too.”

She pecked his thumb, giddy. “Fuck it. Let’s tell my dad right now. About UCLA and you.”

He smiled. “You sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

Storming inside the house, the couple made a beeline to her dad’s office, his hand in hers. 

“Dad!”, she called out, door slamming open. Her startled father perked up in his seat, his wide eyes going from Julie to Luke right behind her. “I got into UCLA!”

Ray sprung up, cheering. “Mija-!”

“And I’m dating Luke!”, she yelled after. “And that’s okay, cause I got in, so you don’t have to worry about the rule anymore! So... ” She put her foot down, awkwardness creeping in her tone. “Yeah!”

Flabbergasted, dad faltered and let the cheers die in his throat. Luke came to stand next to her, squeezing her hand. Slowly, he nodded. “Ah… so that time in Eats & Beats-”

“A date,” she admitted. “And I’m sorry I went behind your back, papa, but I… really care about Luke. And we figured that if I got in, you’d stop enforcing the dating rule.”

His grap became even tighter. “I, uh, really care about her too,” Luke mustered. “Sorry that we kept it a secret.”

Ray sighed, propping his head in his hands and scrubbing the confusion away with his palms. The pair shot each other a look. He wasn’t mad, she deduced, so that was a good sign at least. Finally, dad moved again and gave her a tight hug. Her confidence grew, hugging him back and withholding a cry of victory. 

He pulled back, crossing his arms with a hint of amusement. “Well… the rule clearly didn’t work, but you seem happy and you- you did actually get in, right?”

She laughed, nodding, and showed the confirmation email. His smile grew. “Then I guess,” he trailed, “you’re allowed. To date. But no funny business!”

Julie quickly nodded, grabbing back onto Luke’s arm and jostling him in excitement. Luke bounced on his heels, trying to temper it but failing miserably. She thanked her dad, promised him they’d celebrate her acceptance later tonight and rushed back out with Luke. Dad yelled something about establishing new rules, but both gleefully ignored it. Once in her bedroom, he snatched her into a tight embrace, kissing her full on the lips. Julie whooped against his mouth and danced between his arms. This might be the best day of her life! Luke was her real real real boyfriend!

“You heard your dad, Jules,” he teased. “No funny business.”

She pouted, faux-peeved. “You won’t get to climb through my window again.”

“Won’t have to hide in cars anymore.”

“Won’t have to say you’re just my classmate.”

Luke dragged them onto her bed, laying side by side. “I can take you to junior prom.”

She kissed him with a giggle. “You’re taking me to prom?”

“Hell yeah, I am!”, he bellowed, drumming his fingers against her hips. “Let your dad take pictures of us and everything.”

She scrunched her nose. “Let’s maybe not push him just yet.”

“Yeah,” he exhaled, humming in agreement. “You’re probably right.”

Luke did that her to junior prom, to homecoming, to senior prom, called her hot in blue and gold and vetoed no when she begged him for a bright, blue velour couch for their first apartment. When someone asked her father what it was like, seeing his daughter find the one at sixteen, he had to admit with embarrassment red on his cheeks that it all flew under his radar.

That it all started with sneaky bleacher kisses and a hopeful heart. 

@blush-and-books @ourstarscollided @sophiphi @bluefirewrites​ @willexx​ @unsaid-emily​

[impala666]

The One With Mrs. Bing Part One: She’s Back

Here we are. The episode I have been very excited about. Enjoy!

Friends rewrite (masterlist) Last Part (The One With The Monkey Part 4) 

Last night you had slept on the couch, you just wanted a little bit of your own space. During the night it had been nice, but now you were laying on your stomach with your face buried in your pillow trying to sleep. While you could hear Chandler making breakfast and drinking coffee before he headed off to work. You had to work yourself at the store in a few hours, but you just didn’t want to get up yet. The only thing that was going to help make your day was that you didn’t have that long of a shift anyway. So you’d work for a few hours and then spend many more hours with your friends just hanging out. Finally, you decided that enough was enough and it was time for you to get up and face your day. So rolling onto your back you let out a loud sigh and pushed the blankets off of you before you managed to make it to your feet. “Good morning, sunshine!” Chandler optimistically greeted you. You stopped at the peninsula of the counter and just glared at him, with your hair a big tangled mess which only made him smile more. “What?” He asked you, taking a sip from his coffee cup.

“You’re just being really cheery and I thought that was weird.” You shrugged it off though and entered the kitchen to get your own cup of coffee. 

“Where’s Joey?” Chandler asked.

“Not sure.” You answered honestly. “Probably still sleeping would be my guess.”

“How’s that going? I know you wanted to slow down, is that good?” Your big brother asked, just to check in on you.

“It’s been going great! He’s been surprisingly understanding and incredibly supportive. It’s just nice to have people who support me instead of trying to tear me down.” You smiled as you sat down across from him at the table.

“And you’re always going to from now on. Besides, if anyone knows about leaving home to pursue a career path that doesn’t meet the parents expectations other than you, it would definitely be Joey.” Chandler smiled at you in proudness and supportiveness.

“I know,” you told him with a small smile. For once in your life it was nice to know that if you fell, you had friends there to catch you and help you get back on your feet. You never had that with your parents; you could barely remember your dad before he got a divorce from your mom who was hardly ever home to begin with. All you really ever had was Chandler, at least you had him up until the moment your mom shipped him off to boarding school and then you were basically all alone until now. “And thanks for bringing up the whole disappointed parent thing.” You smiled at him in sarcastic thanks. 

“You are welcome,” Chandler chuckled along with your sarcasm. Then the both of you just continued to talk about your daily lives until Chandler had to go to work and you unfortunately had to start getting ready. 

********

All of you were finally done with your work day, so all of you went over to Monica and Rachel’s for some dinner all together telling each other about your day, to your surprise Phoebe and Monica had quite an exciting one. They caused a man they thought was attractive to be hit by an ambulance. “There are no conscious men in the city for you two?” Chandler asked, leaning against the couch as he silently judged his friends. 

“He doesn’t have anyone,” Monica defended herself and Phoebe. 

“Yeah. We feel kind of responsible.” Phoebe agreed. 

“I mean,” you started all high pitched, but when you felt Joey put his hand on your waist from behind you, you stopped when you heard him chuckle.

“I can’t believe you said woo-hoo.” Joey added as he kept laughing slightly. “I don’t even say woo-hoo.” 

“Oh! She’s coming up!” Rachel announced to everyone as she grabbed the TV remote and turned the volume up. Everyone else was excited to see who was going to be on the screen, but you and Chandler couldn’t help but make eye contact and roll your eyes. 

“When we come back we’ll be talking about her new book, Euphoria Unbound. The always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might want to put the kids to bed for this one.” Jay Leno announced as he lifted up his copy of your mothers latest erotic novels. You couldn’t help but feel sadder and sadder the more he talked about her before they went to commercial. Ross, Monica, and Joey sat next to you with big excited smiles on their faces. Chandler already didn’t want to watch this but when he saw you drooping into the couch and your smile falling into a frown with a sad look on his face, he knew he couldn’t take it any longer. He knew you hadn’t heard from your mother since you moved out because he hadn’t either. 

“We don’t have to watch this.” Chandler decided enough was enough. “Weekend at Bernie’s is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.” He announced the change of TV as he picked up the remote.

“Come on, she’s your guys’s mom.” Joey complained in surprise that neither of you wanted to watch your mom on one of the biggest talk shows in America. The fact that Joey didn’t see why you were upset made you just that much more upset.  

“Exactly. Weekend at Bernie’s! Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times!” Chandler tried one last time for the sake of both of you. 

“Guys.” Rachel beamed to you and Chandler. “I love your mom’s books. I cannot get on a plane without one. I mean, this is so cool.” Rachel was practically giddy when she found out that your mom was the author of her favorite novels. 

“You wouldn’t think so if you were 11 years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch.” Chandler relayed. You would have jumped in on the conversation too, because man did you have a million stories, but you just couldn’t think of any. Plus because of recent events you weren’t really in the mood to talk. 

“Yeah, Chandler. I love your mom. I think she's a blast.”  Ross spoke, apparently on the side Rachel was on. That your mother was this fun, wonderful person. 

“Yeah, you say that because she’s not your mom.” You finally mumbled loud enough for all of them to hear you. They all turned to look at you, and for the first time they were seeing how hard this was for you. Ross immediately stopped talking, Monica and Phoebe looked at each other not sure if they should say something, and Joey wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you a little closer to his side. It made you feel slightly better, but you just wanted to run and hide under the covers in Joey’s bed for at least a week. But when the others heard kissing noises, they all turned around to see that Paolo was here and was practically eating Rachel’s face off of her body. 

“When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?” Ross asked, now adding to the sad party you were having. 

“Last night.” Monica answered him.

“Really? So then his plane didn’t explode in a ball of fire?” Ross asked, clearly not jealous at all. “Just a dream I had. But phew.” He thought would be funny to say out loud. 

“Hey! Hey! She’s on!” Apparently Phoebe was also excited about all of this, and Joey left you and was now on the edge of his seat on the couch. 

“Ah! Nora Bing!” Paolo yelled in excitement, much to your dismay as you watched your mom walk onto the screen, waving at the audience on the other side of the camera. 

“Before we get to the book, now what is this about you being arrested in London? What’s that all about?” Jay Leno asked your mother, which had you rolling your eyes at that piece that was news to you. 

“Your mom was arrested?” Phoebe laughed with astonishment. 

“Shh, I’m busy beaming with pride.” Chandler told her, which clearly wasn’t accurate. 

“This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally, after I’ve been intimate with a man..” your mom started her answer.

“Why would she say that’s embarrassing?” You masked your pain with fake humor. To which everyone ‘shhed’ you. 

“I just get this craving for kung pao chicken.” Your mom proudly answered for everyone. 

“That’s too much information!” Chandler yelled at the TV. 

“So now you’re doing this whole book tour thing. How’s that going?” Leno asked her. 

“Oh, fine. I’m leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate. But I get to see my kids, who I love.” Your mom smiled proudly, but it was hard to tell from the botox that she had gotten done. But all that you could focus on was the fact that she was coming here. She was coming here, to New York, after everything that had happened, and that was the way you had to find out. You were dying on the inside. But all your friends around you and your boyfriend all awwed for you and your brother. You crossed your arms tighter over your chest, wishing you could be anywhere else right now. 

“Oh, this is how we find out.” Chandler yelled, sounding like he was pissed. “Most mom’s use the phone.” 

“You know, I…”Jay Leno started saying as he got comfortable in his seat. But he also seemed like he didn’t want to offend your mom.“Don’t take this the wrong way, I just don’t see you as a mom somehow. I don’t mean that bad.” 

“Oh, no.” Your mom scoffed while looking at the audience. “I am a fabulous mom. I bought my kids their first condoms.” Half of your friends turned to look at your brother while the other half turned to look at you with your hand over your eyes in embarrassment. You then just decided that you couldn’t handle it anymore and ran out of Monica’s apartment and to yours, and to Joey’s bed so you could hide. You were just glad that you managed to avoid eye contact with all of them. However, Chandler was just standing there completely mortified. 

“And then he burst into flames.” Chandler said to himself as he felt like he was dying on the inside. 

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 5 Spoilers

Wherein I watch Wandavision at a stupid hour of the morning because I do not sleep like a regular human being, and sometimes I have things to say.

Previously on Wandavision, we all discovered that Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo were the BFFs we never knew we needed and now can't live without. Also Wanda reminded us that she's really scary.

We should be in the 80s now, right? Ahh the 80s. Leg warmers, Aquanet, and MTV.

Baby shenanigans with crying twins. Wanda tries to magic them to sleep and it doesn't work. "Maybe we just need some help." And in pops Agnes without waiting for them to answer the door. As you do in a sitcom hell. She's got a headband and leg warmers on and is on her way to jazzercise. Of course. Is the point of Agnes to really anchor us in a decade? Asking for real. She's very "this is the era, and these are the tropes, let's all play along now."

Vision is very protective of the babies, to such a degree and with such intensity that Agnes literally forgets her line and nervously asks Wanda if she wants her to take that again. Well, then. Agnes very super a lot does not want to be wished to the cornfield. 

The babies stopped crying during the whole "should we do this scene again" interlude. Vision noticed the weirdness and is trying to figure out what's going on, Wanda is trying very hard to pretend everything is normal. Agnes is being super duper bizarre in the background. And suddenly the twins are like three years old. Agnes has given up and got into the liquor. I don't blame her.

Opening credits. Okay, I'm sorry, 'baby' Vision is almost more stupidly funny than I can take. Like … what? I think I want that as my new icon, though. Also the credits are too long. I think they were very proud of their theme song, so we have to hear it all. These are my least favorite so far. Very 80s, but meh.

In the real world, Monica is getting x-rays and giving a report on being yeeted from Wanda World.

Jimmy Woo and Darcy are there to greet her at the end of the exam. "This is Doctor Darcy Lewis." Yes, she is! Still very proud. She's also the doctor of encouraging people to wear pants, shoving a pair at hospital gown-clad Monica. Erik's no-pants phase was very scarring.

The medic comes back and says the medical tests didn't work or something. The medic wants to do x-rays again because the first came back blank and also she's going to have to do another blood draw. Hmm. Monica is still somehow affected by Wanda World? Unclear on how that would work. Some sort of weird witchy radiation-like energy? Monica says 'no' to more needles and also wants to put pants on. Just let the woman have her pants.

Now we're on to a briefing with the acting Director of SWORD whose name I don't remember. He's very "government suit" bland, I have a hard time caring about anything he says. Also, does anybody else pronounce the 'w' in SWORD in their head when they read it? Like I cannot make my brain stop doing that. "s-WUH-ord'.

"Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principle VICTIMIZER!" Settle down there, acting director guy. Why not say 'subject', 'suspect', 'perpetrator', or boring old 'cause of the anomaly". VICTIMIZER! Geez then. I'm going to guess his solution will be a tactical nuke or some such rot.

Jimmy gives background on Wanda.

Acting Director Guy: "The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at Hydra." Jimmy Woo: "That's an oversimplification of events, but yes." I'm giving you heart-eyes Jimmy Woo.

"After unspecified experimentation with the mind stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities."

Then a weird aside where the Acting Director — who shall now be known as Acting Director Dick — wants to know if Wanda had a code name or a something, seeming to imply that not having one made her a bad guy?,  and then he points out how the first time she used her powers it was against the Avengers. He totally just ordered a tactical nuke from "overreacting-government-douchebags r us".  I hate this particular character trope, the government heavy who never listens to anybody and is always ready to napalm the suburbs because reasons. It's so tedious.

Jimmy points out that Wanda earned the Avengers trust and then became an Avenger herself, thank you very much. Acting Director Dick doesn't care, he's decided Wanda is a terrorist and he'll turn half of New Jersey into a glass parking lot to get rid of her. Sure am glad he's in charge of some sort of mysterious and powerful agency.

Jimmy Woo is not a fan either, and he walks back over to his new bestie and tells Darcy that while he tries not to speak ill of anybody … Darcy interrupts "then allow me", and she has no trouble saying that Acting Director Dick is, in fact, a dick. That's my girl.

Elsewhere AD Dick is blathering on about how they don't negotiate with terrorists. Well, since Wanda hasn't made any demands, or released a manifesto or anything …. Monica also points out Wanda is not a terrorist. AD Dick twists her report to make Wanda sound as terroristy as he can. I'm bored with him now.

Monica argues with him a bit and say she doesn't believe Wanda World is a premeditated act of aggression. I vote Darcy, Jimmy, and Monica wait until AD Dick is alone, and then they shove him in a locker for the rest of the season. If anybody asks he had to run back to sWUHord for meetings or something, "Darn, you just missed him. I'll tell him you're looking for him. Great. Buh-bye now".

AD Dick needs to make his big jackass point that Wanda is the most terroristy terrorist who ever terroristed, so he shows off footage of Wanda breaking into a SWORD facility to steal back Vision's body. Because that seems terroristy and not at all like some sort of emotional breakdown. As far as I can tell, she just busted open a few doors, but didn't hurt anybody. I think AD Dick doesn't know the meaning of the word terrorist.

And, yes, then she resurrected Vision in an idealized sitcom world in a small city in New Jersey. That's exactly like something a terrorist mastermind would do. Mmmhmm. Is it nice for the people trapped there with them? No, clearly not. Agnes and Herb in particular seem aware and are scared. They need to be rescued and Wanda needs LOADS of therapy. But Director Nuke the Site from Orbit over here isn't going to make anything better. Darcy, sister, shove that asshole into a locker stat.

Jimmy notes that stealing Vision's body is a violation of the Sokovia Accords. And while I appreciate his dedication to maintaining the Accords … well, I mean, look, it's body theft and all. It's not a great look; I absolutely allow that. But you can just sort of stop there. Though, that's very the Sokovia Accords "if this guy dies, his body must go to a shadowy government agency. for safety. yep."

Also Vision had a living will, where he didn't want to be used as a weapon. Sure, okay. Because I'm sure SWORD was just totally not doing anything at all with his body. Nope. Look, I'm totally a SHIELD girl and even I wouldn't necessarily trust SHEILD with that. So, who is SWORD to me? Pfft. I'd give him to Thor or something and ask him to be buried far far away. I'm just saying. I'm supposed to trust Johnny-Come-Lately S-WUH-ORD?

(In my head now is an inter-agency rivalry where SWORD is like "We have rocket ships!" and SHIELD is like "lol, our lead scientist got eaten by a rock and survived on an alien world for like six months". "But rocket ships?" "We've traveled through time a dozen times in the last year alone. We're a bigger chaotic disaster than you can ever hope to be".)

AD Dick undermines his own "SHE'S A TERRORIST!" thesis by saying she acted out of grief. And then he dismisses everybody. "Work the problem!" Uh … whut? Fine? What is the problem? That she's a WILD MURDERY TERRORIST who must be stopped! or a grief stricken woman who stole her technologically advanced boyfriend's body and probably should be talked down? Acting Director Lack of Clarity.

Jimmy wants to know how Wanda could have resurrected Vision without the Mind stone and Darcy wants to know what Vision will do when he figures it out. Fine questions, friends, fine questions. Monica is just like "acting director dick used to be a buddy but now I kind of want to punch him and am very conflicted. oh and wanda kind of freaks me out but also i feel bad for her" only she says all that without words.

Tommy and Billy are now about like 5 or 6 or something. I'm terrible with kids ages. They're up to shenanigans. Oh, they found a lost puppy dog and they're giving him a bath in the sink. It's all super adorable.

Vision wanders in and greets his family all formally and in his human face. He says he has a premonition someone might pop over. He's not a fan of sitcom neighbors either. And there's Agnes now with a dog house. How does she know whether to enter through the front door or the back door?

The dog tries to burn the house down by licking an electrical outlet? so they name him Sparky (harr harr) and Wanda magics him a collar with Agnes right there. Vision's all "wtf darling?" and she points out Agnes didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year olds, she certainly didn't notice the magic collar. Agnes is trying very very hard not to notice anything. Poor Agnes.

Wanda says she's tired of hiding her abilities and Vision is Very Concerned. He's starting to figure things out.

They tell the boys they can't have a dog until they're 10, so the boys grin at each other and age themselves up to 10. That is all very unsettling. Agnes "Let's just hope this dog stays the same size." as she screams internally "save me!"

Real World. Jimmy's hustling back to the science room with coffee for Monica and Darcy. Monica is asking for some sort of wild mobile bunker to help her get back into Wanda World and Darcy's like "well, yes, but also no". But Monica knows an aerospace engineer who'd totally make it for her.  

"I can't guarantee the Hex won't just mind wipe you as you go in." "What's the hex?" "Oh, it's what I'm calling the anomaly because of it's hexagonal shape. It's starting to catch on." Darcy's so proud, but Jimmy's like 'not so much' but he's too polite to say.

Monica's determined to go back in. Jimmy wants to know who the kids are, if they've id'd them or the babies and Monica's all "oh, no, those are legit Wanda's." Darcy says if she can make stuff with her mind, and all the props and whatnot in the Wanda World are real then she's wielding an insane amount of power. Monica is sure she could have taken out Thanos if he hadn't cheated and snapped her. Jimmy thinks Captain Marvel could have done it. Monica very much doesn't want to talk about Captain Marvel.

Monica has an Idea!

Ah, she wants to see her outfit from Wanda World, which is now in the real world. So, is it real matter Wanda created, or is the perception field bleeding over to make them all see that outfit in the real world. That would have been hella awkward if Monica got yeeted out of her clothes.

Monica confirms they're real then steals Jimmy's gun and shoots them. Ahh, she was wearing a kevlar vest when she went into Wanda World, and that changed shape to be her super fly 70s outfit. "Wanda is rewriting reality." Changing things to fit the hex. So they'll send in something that doesn't need to be changed. Um. Sure. Fine. I don't know what that means, or how that would help in this context, but I'm sure I'll find out.

Meanwhile, Vision is at work, and all his coworkers are amazed at the actual computers. Golly shucks. Computers. Hey, so, computers have been around since the 40s. ANYWAY.

"Should we surf the internet?" We're progressing rapidly through the 80s. Oh, lol, Darcy sent an email. And the whole office creepily reads it out loud. Vision is very weirded out. As well he should be. He wipes the computer with his glowy synthezoid powers and then he glowies Norm when Norm tells him 'none of it is real'. Norm wakes up "please help me. what day is it? how long has it been?". Oh dear. Poor Vision. This is all going to go so very badly. Norm gets very freaked out begging Vision to "stop her". Vision resets him.

At the house the boys wonder where dad is, and Wanda tells them it's Monday and he's at work. Except the boys are all "um, no, it's Saturday". Wanda, your house of lies is tumbling down! You shouldn't have let them grow up so fast. Babies don't ask inconvenient questions about why Daddy needs some space from Mommy and her questionable choices for their shared reality.

Wanda takes the opportunity to impart the 80s family sitcom trope of the weekly life lesson about how family might fight, but they still love each other and family is forever. One of the twins asks if she has a brother. She does. He's far away. But, Sparky goes barking at the door. Wanda looks far away herself. She goes to open the door and Sparky runs out.

Monica has sent in a drone from the 80s. Well that wasn't really a thing. But, how does the 1980s rc plane look more high tech than the 2020s drone they sent in first? Talk to your design team, SWORD.

Anyway, Wanda spots the drone, but she's keeping it out of the broadcast, because she's the editor and director and producer of Wandavision, of course.

Monica announces herself and tries to get Wanda to acknowledge her. Whoops. Wanda's eyes go glowy. AD Dick says "take the shot" and Monica's all "what? no, the drone isn't armed." Except of course it is, because AD Dick is a monumental dick, and he's got a backup drone pilot who takes the shot. Wandavision goes off air. And, oh no, there's a breach at the Hex!

Lol. It's Wanda coming through, dragging the mangled corpse of the drone with her. That was entirely deserved, AD Dick. I hope she shoves it up your ass, dick.

"The missile was just a precaution". AD Dick backpedals quick, like a coward. You gave a three second attempt to talk to Wanda before you pulled the trigger, I don't like you. "You can hardly blame us."

Wanda warns him to stay out. "You won't bother me, I won't bother you." Okay, well, he does kind of have a point, in that there's a whole town of people who are stuck as bit players in Wanda World. That's not very nice. I mean, surely she could have found a nice empty spot somewhere and created her sitcom utopia. That's at least a fair criticism.

Monica tries her best to talk Wanda down. It doesn't work particularly well.

"What do you want?" "I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again." And she mind controls the soldiers training their guns on her, to turn them on AD Dick. Whoops. And Wanda goes back to her world. The Hex glows all red as she goes.

And we go to commercial. Lagos Brand paper towels. "For when you make a mess you didn't mean to." Wow, so that was brutal. Wanda's not mad at you, Monica. She's just carrying a lot of guilt. Ouch.

Back in Wandavision, the boys are looking for their dog. They find Agnes hiding in the bushes with the dog. Poor Sparky apparently ate some azalea leaves and died. The boys are very sad and Wanda warns them not to age up. They can't run from their feelings. Oh Wanda. "It's too sad," Billy says. "You can fix anything mom," Tommy cries, "Fix the dead". Yikes.

Wanda "I'm trying to tell you there are rules in life." Poor Agnes is trying not to have a total meltdown. "We can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Some things are forever."

Billy and Tommy try to talk her into bringing back Sparky. And Vision turns up. Well, this is just brutal.

Vision is entirely outside of Wanda's control. "I spoke with Norm. I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight." Yikes. "He was in pain, Wanda."

Okay it's kind of funny they're arguing over the end credits. Vision is very very pissed. "I'm scared." Aww.

Wanda insists she's not in charge of every life in Westview. "I don't know how any of this started in the first place." Huh. Is that really true? Because she's pretty sure of it now. Somebody or something convinced her into a sitcom world and now she's just like "yeah, this is good"? really asking.

Ding-dong.

"I didn't do that." 

Vision: *doubt*

DING DONG

Wanda goes to answer the door.

In the real world, alarms are blaring but Darcy notices a new revelation on Wandavision.

Wanda Word — and it's Pietro at the door. See! I knew it had to be Pietro who'd be the surprise guest thingy. I mean it's hilariously X-Men Pietro (Evan Peters, like @lewstonewar suggested), but Pietro nonetheless. There's nobody else it could have been.

Darcy be all WTF? "She recast Pietro?" lol

Okay, Wanda seems legit shocked. I don't think she did that. And I super really don’t think she’d make him sound like a NYC cabbie. 

And end.

Well. I mean, I'm not sure what to think. Wanda insists she's not controlling everything. I don't think she created Pietro. But, she totally stole Vision's body and created the kids and seems mostly happy in her sitcom universe and she can traverse the Hex, which obviously suggests its her doing. Dunno. I have questions about Agnes and her convenient timeliness here and there.

The mystery continues.

Disney wants to know if I want to watch Age of Ultron next. How poorly you know me, Disney.

[somestansomewhere]

Debbie Gallagher: ALL Love Interests RANKED

Okay! I tried to rank all of Debs’ love interests and it was hard to do because I am not set on that ONE PERSON that I ship her with above all else, but these are my thoughts! Keep in mind that these are all MY OPINIONS and you are entitled to yours as well! Let’s talk about it! If you read all this ILY.

Here we go:

...................................

23. The Guy At The Pool (Season 5)

He thought Debs was special needs and she tried to flirt with him...

22. Kelly (Season 9-10)

I LOVE Kelly so much but she was not into Debbie! I really love her with Carl and Debbie should not have tried to interfere! I will however say that I really really REALLY enjoy their friendship and I wish that that would have continued on. They had some really good moments together.

20/21. Eugene (Season 6) & Board Game Guy (Season 7)

Alright so these two don’t technically count because Frank tried to set Debbie up with Eugene so that she’d be written into his will. And the Board Game Guy was from a deleted scene as one of Debbie’s “life partners” from that flyer she made. So enough said.

18/19. Tyler (Season 6) & Erika (Season 6)

Again, Frank attempted to set Debbie up with Tyler and while that “potential relationship” wasn’t as bad as what happened between her and Erika, I am grouping them together because Debbie wasn’t technically into either of them and it was set up to fail right from the start.

17. Larry (Season 6)

The pregnancy fetish guy! I’m not quite sure what the intentions were for this character in the long run but it was a funny joke in the episode he was in. Even in the beginning Larry gave off red flags, but Debbie was happy... until the truth was revealed. Weird.

16. Jared (Season 11)

Another irrelevant love interest: the gay guy that cheated on his husband with Debbie after giving her cocaine. Obvious issues with this encounter/plot line aside, I did feel that their interactions at the bar were flirtatious and I didn’t hate him.

15. Calista (Season 11)

ANOTHER irrelevant character that was used and never brought back!!! I didn’t totally hate her either, she was upfront about her ex-girlfriend and that whole situation. She helped Debbie and didn’t take advantage of her but the second she came on screen; I’m sorry but I did not give a fuck. Her last episode built up a potential friend/relationship opportunity for Debbie and they just did nothing with it. Idfk what else to say, not a fan but I did appreciate Calista trying to take care of Debbie when she clearly was drinking too much.

14. Sandy (Season 10-11)

Oh boy, everyone’s favorite partner of Debbie’s... Yeah, Sandy is so low on this list not necessarily because I didn’t like her for Debbie, or that I have beef with Elise (b/c I love her as an actor sm). I personally just hate the sheer fact that this character EXISTS in the first place. I never understood the hype, but I know that people only like her because she’s a Milkovich ie. related to Mickey. That’s the hard truth this fandom isn’t willing to admit. My disliking Sandy should be a post of its own but lemme get into her relationship with Debbie.

You could tell that Emma and Elise liked working together so the chemistry was sorta there (definitely not soulmate shit tho). Each time that they interacted in s10 I was over it. S11 was better in the sense that whether I would like to admit it or not, they did have some “cute moments” (mainly just Sandy calling Debbie babe/babes). The second shit hit the fan in regards to Sandy’s history, I immediately understood Debbie’s issue with her and why her character would not want to be with Sandy. But, with that being said, Debbie was also in the wrong because she made everything about herself throughout the entire course of this relationship! Sandy did call her out, ex: “who was supposed to take Franny to school?”, and things like that were nice. HOWEVER I am sorry to say, this relationship felt like a massive waste of time and it felt like they were trying to force something that shouldn’t have existed to begin with. I don’t have the patience to even analyze this anymore, but maybe down the line because clearly there is SO MUCH to delve into!

13. Alex (Season 9)

Omg I did not like this relationship/plotline at all. Alex had issues but Debbie was so inconsiderate! I never saw the appeal here! It was nice that Alex had the decency to go and help Debs with Ford after the fact. I just feel “meh” about this tho. They had moments but ultimately I personally wasn’t into it and Debbie’s random newfound self discovery of “lesbianism”.

12. Kyle (Season 3)

Emma Kenney’s first kiss! Kyle was a one episode character that did have the potential to be more than that. I didn’t hate the kid as Debbie’s love interest, but there also wasn’t anything special about him. He was just kinda there and then he left. Debbie really seemed to like him though, spelling his name in her peas, etc.. I do like that one line about cigarettes that Kyle had but again he was such a short lived character and when he turned out not to be related to Kevin it became unnecessary to keep him around... even if the episode alluded to him returning. They were sorta cute!

11. Claudia (Season 10)

So I didn’t like this relationship much either but there was a certain kind of stability in the relationship that felt organic and nice. Partly because I enjoyed watching Constance Zimmer and she made Claudia likeable. Do I ship it? No. Was it a problematic dynamic? Yes. Was it a tolerable relationship? Eh. I didn’t hate it entirely though. Debbie, being a Gallagher, eventually fucked it up. And while I did like the drama, Debbie wasn’t REALLY into Claudia as much as she may have believed she was. So, it totally felt like a one off that would end with Claudia not returning... and it was. So there was no time for an investment of any kind.

10. Hedi (Season 11)

Gosh... Debbie’s endgame(?). Hedi was introduced too late for me to care enough about her (At this point it would have made sense for Debbie to wind up with Calista because at least she was already introduced!). I don’t necessarily like Hedi as a character and quite frankly it was a “who tf does SHE think she is” kinda deal for me. At first I was interested and didn’t hate her (and I don’t), but then she “thought she was Jimmy” and I instantly got annoyed (LOL I GUESS it was a nice nod to him tho... I guess).

My (several) problems with Hedi as a character aside, there IS something about Hedi being presented as this “dangerous badass” who is (somehow) WORSE than Debbie, that worked well. I’m not a fan of the ship, but it is an interesting dynamic in the sense that Debbie could potentially be “living on the edge”. I fear for what trouble this could cause Debbie BUT it’s like Frank referenced: Monica vibes. I don’t think it’s “true love” like Debbie said to Franny. A constant storyline for Debbie has been “why can’t anyone ever love me” and so she falls in quickly. Maybe Hedi will leave her but that’s the thing, “she’s done worse” so idk, either way I don’t think it’s meant to last! But I guess I don’t mind them being together! Karma’s a bitch! Will Carl tell her what Arthur found? Would it even make a difference?

9. Julia (Season 10)

I would have actually rather preferred her with Carl too! It was never love between Debbie and Julia, but the relationship did create good conflict for my viewing pleasure. UNPOPULAR OPINION, I didn’t mind Julia as a character at all. She was fine for me. I also enjoyed how ultimately SHE was only using Debbie in the end. Julia does admit later on that she was experiencing with her sexuality so maybe she did have feelings for Debbie at one point, which I thought was interesting. Debbie got herself into this one. At least Julia was more age appropriate than Claudia... (which is ironic since Debbie got in trouble for being with Julia when the age gap is MUCH bigger between Claudia and Debbie LOL I love it)! I also found Julia annoying Debbie to be amusing, that’s not to say that I liked her a lot either cuz I don’t!

8. Matty (Season 4-5)

Man do I feel bad for Matty! Debbie raped him and it was horrible. From the get-go when Matty was introduced the relationship was hella awkward!! And not only that but Debbie was a MINOR! Matty did do the right thing and said they couldn’t be together but a part of me will always feel strange that he WAS INITIALLY attracted to Debbie before learning her age. That to me is still wildly inappropriate. He shoulda cut it off. He did try to be her friend and took her to that dance which was cute but ahhh this was just a MESS all around. Cringe. At least he didn’t take advantage.

7. Henry (Season 4)

Speaking of Matty and that dance, Henry was supposed to take her. He asked her as a joke in order for Seama to inflict revenge on Debbie. If that weren’t the case however... DAMN THEY WERE CUTE! The potential that this relationship could have had! If only it wasn’t all an act! It was a “day worth of love” and sure that’s not enough for two people to REALLY be IT, yet there was something charming about their connection that I wish was real. Or idk maybe Henry could have reconnected with her later and apologized and it could have been revealed that he did actually like her... but that wasn’t the case. Fuck him!

6. Simon (Season 1-2)

Debbie was NOT interested in Simon at all but at the time he was almost like the male version of her. Their banter back and forth was fun to watch and he probably would have treated her well. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t get to even see their friendship progress. Their interactions were funny and he was a good guy!

5. Batiste (Season 10)

Y’all may not understand why this guy is so high on the list but a part of me wishes this character wasn’t a one off. Batiste is the dude Debbie tried to return her “unused” shoes to. If you can recall, he wanted a blowjob to take advantage of her. While this was a dick move (and the plot went nowhere) a part of me would have liked to see more! He did have an arc where he acted like an ass and realized that it is wrong to degrade women. I just think it could have been built upon and Emma may have had chemistry with this actor. There was something here that I didn’t hate and I felt it could have been expanded upon.

4. Little Hank (Season 2-3)

Debbie’s first real crush! It was interesting to see how he didn’t like her at first and then a “friendship/relationship” slowly started to develop after he gave her flowers. IT JUST NEVER CONTINUED! Little Hank was in no way the most upstanding, but it was cool to see Carl have a friend that Debbie crushed on (when she was little she wasn’t intentionally taking something away from Carl ie. Kelly, so I support it). Their interactions were fun to watch too! The fandom definitely has a soft spot for Little Hank! And at one point everyone was rooting for them to be together. Too bad we never discovered what ended up happening to this character!

3. Neil (Season 7-8)

The bathtub scene tho! Adorable! There was a short moment within this relationship that was super cute where the two of them really did seem to care about each other and may have both been in love. It goes without saying that Debbie was only using him, but they did have SOME potential and they found a common ground where they each benefited each other’s needs. Debbie once again was TOO controlling and self absorbed to make it work, but I don’t think she was entirely happy in a relationship with him. He deserved more respect!

2. Derek (Season 5-8)

Baby Daddy! I really did enjoy them together until Debbie took advance of him and Franny came into the picture, but at the same time that’s one of the reasons that Derek, as a character, has a deeper connection to Debbie and the audience. I always enjoyed their flirting back and forth and the relationship they had (the deleted scene with the card/push up game ahh my heart)! Debbie really did mess up due to her desperation to “belong to a family”, which is another one of her consistent character traits. She just went too far and tried to trap him. Then shit got messed up between their families. Derek did eventually ask for parcial custody and did have a desire to be a part of Franny’s life. Debbie said no and that plot line died until s10. Pepa!! Ahh! RIP to Derek, it was sad to me that he died. Definitely a character and relationship that I wish was incorporated more because I truly enjoyed them together.

1. Duran (Season 8)

Besties with benefits! Stop! Nobody talks about my guy Duran! Sure they both said that this relationship was of a sexual nature and that they were just a couple of friends but damn! The chemistry and dynamic was palpable! It is truly a shame that we didn’t get to see more of this friendship! They were on common ground and really did care about each other! I don’t know why but I really just LOVED them together! Duran was also in her friend group with Farhad and that was a group that seemed to have a positive impact on Debbie as a person. S8 Debbie was cool! These two complemented each other so nicely! Duran wasn’t by any means the best influence on her because he almost lead Debbie down a “Monica path” but come on, Hedi is worse in that department. He was getting his life together like Debbie was with her profession. Just think of the hair convos Duran and Tami could have had Lol. Idk, I just like Debbie with him a lot! It was healthy to an extent and he was supportive of Debs with Franny.

[hopelikethemoon]

Girl’s Night (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Girl’s Night  Rating: PG-13 Length: 3800 Warnings: Discussions about cancer, abusive parents, toxic family (illusions to racism and homophobia) Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in September 1998. gif by coredrive! If you’ve forgotten what Reader’s backstory is, you can find out more at the link above!  Summary: Reader has a girls night with Connie and Monica.

@grapemama @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes @thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale  @roxypeanut @snivellusim @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper @awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie @swhiskeys @lady-tano @beskar-droids @space-floozy @cable-kenobi @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes @findhimfives @pedrosdoll @frietiemeloen @arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn @cyarikaaa @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl  @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato @coredrive @pascalesque @theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar @sabinemorans @buckstaposition @holkaskrosnou @yespolkadotkitty @fleetwoodmactshirt

You knew something had to be up. The girl’s night had been your idea, but Connie had seized on it without hesitation. Steve and Javier would watch the girls at your house — and play PlayStation — while you and Monica would come get wine drunk at the Murphy’s. 

Connie seemed to be in great spirits for most of the evening. Conversation mostly focused on how the girl’s were doing in school, where you saw your career going, and Connie complaining about working double shifts at the hospital.

And that was when the conversation veered in a different direction. 

Connie topped off her wine glass, only to chug it down like a champ. 

“Uh-oh.” You took a sip of your own wine, before sitting your glass aside. “Connie, what’s wrong?”

Just a week ago, Javier had assured you that things would be fine with them. Whatever their problem was, it wasn’t as serious as Connie feared that it was.

Monica looked warily between the two of you, “Should I be nervous?”

“Probably.” You shot back, before keeping your focus on Connie as she leaned forward, propping her elbows on the table. 

“Steve had a cancer scare.”

“Oh my God.” Monica covered her mouth.

You just stared, “Just a scare?”

She nodded, “It happened months ago. In May!” Connie pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes. “I’m so fucking mad at him I could spit. But I’m relieved. I just can’t believe he wouldn’t tell me.”

“Wait… rewind. When did you find out?”

“Monday.”

“Shit.” You frowned. “I’m gonna kick his ass into 2020.”

Connie laughed bitterly. “He didn’t want to scare me. That was his excuse at first.”

“At first?” Monica frowned. “Why is it such a man thing to hide shit from their partners? I don’t get it.”

“It’s all about their ego,” You explained. “What kind? I mean, Javier and Steve smoked like freight—“

“Testicular.” Connie answered bluntly and Monica choked. “I guess, in May he found a growth on his left testicle and—“

“Please spare me the details.” Monica groaned, sinking back in her chair. “I don’t want to hear about Steve’s testicles.”

You snorted quietly, trying to keep from laughing at Monica’s utterly scandalized expression. “But he didn’t tell you? I mean… that would explain the whole…” You gave Connie a look as you gestured vaguely. 

“Mhm. I’m just so pissed off.” Connie admitted. “He lied about a trip he took back in May. I can’t even believe it. He just lied! He went to Tampa to see a doctor outside of my hospital network so I wouldn’t… I don’t know. I don’t get his logic.”

“He’s a man. Don’t expect logic.” Monica pointed out. 

“She’s not wrong.” You shrugged. “But, holy shit. Why wouldn’t he just tell you?”

“My mother.”

Oh. Shit. 

Connie’s voice grew quieter, her eyes shining with tears. “After all of my struggles with pregnancy, after all the tests, the infertility treatments, after everything — she still blames Steve.” She lowered her gaze, quickly wiping a tear away. “And with her being with us most of the summer, Steve just… I guess, In his defense, he was afraid this would give her ammo.” 

“Connie, sweetie…” You rose from your seat and moved around the table to sit beside her. You wrapped your arms around her and pulled her to you, rubbing her back. 

“He lied. To my face. For months.” Connie mumbled, her voice muffled as she covered her face. “That’s why he couldn’t get it up. All summer, all my attempts to initiate and he was so stressed about lying that he couldn’t even perform.”

“I’m going to grab…” Monica looked around nervously. “Chips? Salsa? Something other than this conversation?”

Connie laughed, “I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t apologize.” Monica made a face. “I’m just gonna go sit and watch TV until this conversation is over.”

“I’ll call you when it’s over.” You assured her as Connie pulled back, sniffling and wiping tears away. “Did Steve tell you all of this on his own or…?”

“It was horrible.” Connie told you gravely. “I took your advice, I bought this really cute black teddy. I made us dinner, the girls were out of the house.”

“Fuck.” You grimaced, “Connie, I’m so…”

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “It made him finally admit to everything. Full-on nervous breakdown. I guess he hated how things had been because of this secret. It was bad. It was good. He cried, which… I haven’t seen him do in years.”

“Are you… I mean, are you guys okay or…” You almost didn’t want to know. Steve and Connie were such an ever present force in your lives. They had always had their rocky moments, but at the end of the day they always managed to find solid ground.

“I asked him to sleep in the guest room.” Connie admitted to you, pulling herself out of your embrace as she reached for the wine bottle and poured herself another glass.

“Do you mind telling me what happened?” You questioned lightly, reaching across the table to grab your discarded glass of wine, taking a short sip of the drink. 

Connie inhaled shakily, “Well… I had Monday night off so I arranged for the neighbours to watch the girls for us. Admittedly, Steve was a little anxious during dinner. In hindsight, I realize that he might’ve been… I think he was planning on telling me already.” She frowned, rubbing her thumb over the crease between her brows as she stared down at her wine glass. 

“I had no idea. If I had known the truth was something like this, I would not have encouraged you to try to romance him.” You wondered if Javier had known what was going on. He had to. He’d been so certain that things would be fine, so long as Steve talked to her. 

“It’s… probably for the best.” Connie shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, don’t get me wrong… I’m relieved that he doesn’t have cancer, but the way he went about it. I’ve never been so pissed at him.” 

“Not to play devil’s advocate, but…” You pursed your lips. “I know how much Steve hates your mother. I mean, I know it’s a mutual emotion, but… Can you really blame him for wanting to keep it quiet? Not for months, that’s… shitty. But you weren’t going to kick your mother out.” 

You knew both sides of the story of Connie’s mother — Ethel Gibson. You had met her a handful of times since moving to Miami and the picture Steve and Connie had painted hadn’t been far off the reality. She was a fiery woman, daughter of Irish immigrants, and forged by the coal mines of Appalachia. She was one of twelve children, mother to nine, and devoutly religious. She deeply resented Steve because he whisked Connie off the mountain without marrying her first. In fact, they hadn’t married until they moved to Miami after they’d both completed college. 

And in all those years, Ethel would’ve been fine with their sinful lifestyle, if Connie had only given her a grandchild. Just one. 

Last year, when Ethel came to visit, Connie had called you tears because her mother had cruelly told her that God had cursed them for living in sin for so many years. That they would never have real children because they had done everything wrong. 

Despite how toxic her mother was, Connie hadn’t quite figured out how to sever that connection. Ethel was useful during the summer, when everyone was working. But she was a hateful old hag. 

Connie swept another tear off her cheek as she turned to look at her, “I just can’t believe the lengths he went to hide this. A fake business trip, going outside of our insurance, and then months of making me feel like something was wrong.”

“Want me to kick his ass? Cause I will.” You smiled a little at her. “I mean, he did try to take care of your needs — right?”

She nodded her head slowly, “I do get it.” Connie chewed on her bottom lip as she ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. “I just hate how he went about this. I could’ve been there for him. I mean how would you feel if Javier pulled this shit?”

“There would be a surreptitious rose bush in the backyard.” You answered without hesitation. “Maybe a new concrete patio.”

“Exactly!” Connie shook her head then. “I don’t want to stay mad at him. I really do get why he did it. If my mother caught wind that he had something wrong with his testicles, it would just further fuel her hatred for him. It would be his fault that I’m… barren.”

You reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’re an amazing mother to two little girls who think the world of you, Connie. Olivia and Emily love you both, no differently than my girls love us.” 

“I know. I know.” She squeezes your hand back. “I can’t believe I let her convince me that Steve was cheating! And the reality was that he just couldn’t get it up because he had been lying to me.”

“I think you should let him out of the doghouse. Maybe not tonight since you are teetering on the edge of being white girl wasted when he gets home.” You sat the bottle of wine of her reach. “But I think he punished himself all summer.”

“I agree.” Connie gave you a look. “He said Javier was pretty pissed off at him for how he handled things.”

“Javier knew?” You glowered. “I guess the boys are allowed to keep some secrets.” That was going to be a discussion you had with Javier when you got home. 

Connie wiped at her eyes again, sinking back into her chair with a heavy sigh. “I spent all summer thinking something was wrong with me. All summer! I just couldn’t figure out why everything felt fine, but he… It’s so stupid. I’m so pissed off that he put me through this, but equally pissed that I get it.” 

“I know this isn’t an easy conversation to have,” You started cautiously, chewing on your thumbnail as you stared at Connie. “But I think it might be time to cut your mother off.” 

Connie started to cry again and your heart clenched as you watched her break down beside you. 

“Alright, come on. Get up. We’re gonna go into the family room with Monica and have this conversation.” You urged, giving her arm a squeeze as you encouraged her to get up out of her chair. “No more wine.” 

“You’re no fun.” 

“I get it from Javi.” You shot back, guiding Connie into the family room. 

“Are we done talking about Steve’s balls?” Monica questioned, brows drawn together as she met your eyes. “Shit, Connie. Are you okay?”

“Some tough love is about to happen.” You told her flatly as Connie sat down in the middle of the sofa, you and Monica on either side. 

Monica scooted closer and gave Connie’s shoulder a squeeze, “Do I need to get the wine?” 

“No,” Connie shook her head. “No, she was right. I need to stop. Getting drunk isn’t going… It’s just hard.”

You tucked your legs beneath you, turning on the sofa to face Connie. “I know.” You rubbed your lips together as you mulled over what the right words to say were. Turning your back on a parent was difficult — no matter how terrible they were. But sometimes, it had to be done. Especially when it’s a detriment to your own wellbeing. Or, in this case, your relationship. It was time to cut the ties. “How long have you and Steve been together?”

Connie brought her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she rested her chin on her knees. “Twenty-two years.” 

“In those twenty-two years, has Ethel ever said anything kind towards her son-in-law?”

She shook her head, “Unless you consider the handful of times she’s complimented him on his hair cut.”

“Well, that’s weird.” Monica laughed. “Is that the only nice thing she has to say?”

Connie rolled her eyes, “Most likely. She’s never liked him.” 

“We could always start a girl gang of women who hate their parents.” Monica suggested, which made Connie laugh. “I’m serious. Nadia makes these really cool pins.” She leaned over the side of the sofa, grabbing her jean jacket and showing off the pins on her lapel. 

“I might just take you up on that.” Connie quipped, before she leaned against you with a dramatic sigh. “I can’t believe Steve felt like he needed to hide a cancer prognosis, out of fear of my mother. If he had just told me… I would’ve stood by him. I wouldn’t have let her use it.” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Monica pointed out, “Even if you stand up to them, they’re not going to change. They’ll always find a way to cut you down.” She shook her head slowly, “My parents always suspected I was queer. It’s why they hit me. But when I was in high school, I convinced a friend of mine — he was so nice — to date me. Just to try to control the situation.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, lips drawn thin as she spoke. “But that wasn’t good enough for them. He wasn’t good for me. He wasn’t who they wanted me with. It was all about control.” 

“You know my history,” You told Connie with a heavy sigh. “If I hadn’t cut her off, I wouldn’t be where I am today.” 

Connie nodded her head, “You’re both right.” She wiped at her cheeks, exhaling shakily. “She never wanted me to leave the hollow. She wanted me to live the same life she did. In a tiny house, married to some coal miner or a long-distance truck driver. Miserable and bitter like her.” 

“She wanted to control you.” Monica stated. 

“She acted like she was going to die when I told her I was leaving with Steve,” Connie recalled. “He got into college — just on the other side of the mountain. Less than a day’s drive in good weather. We’d only been dating for a couple months, but he knew I hated it there. I felt like shit for weeks because my mother acted like she was just going to lay down and die because I’d betrayed her. But I wanted more. I wanted to go to school for nursing. I wanted to live in a real town and not the side of a mountain. She’s never forgiven me for that.” 

“I’ll punch her in the face if you want me to.” You remarked with a short laugh. “I’ve been wanting to since she made you cry last year. She’s a bitch and frankly, we both know what her real issue is with the girls.”

Monica gave you a look, “It was painfully obvious.” 

“And look, you don’t have to make it a big deal.” You reminded Connie. “You keep contact limited. You can send Christmas cards and birthday cards — but you don’t make time to call her. You don’t welcome her into your home and you don’t visit her. If you want another twenty-two years with Steve, that’s just how it’s going to have to be.”

“I know.”  She sank back against the sofa, looking up at the ceiling. “I hate this. I really do. She has always been a thorn in the side of our marriage the entire time. I feel so bad for Steve. He’s never said a mean thing to her or about her.” 

“Steve’s a saint, but he’s not off the hook for lying to you.” You reminded her. “But go easy on him. He didn’t do it maliciously.” 

“I think… I’m going to call him.” Connie scooted to the edge of the sofa. “Are you both good to go home?”

“I just have to call a cab.” 

Monica checked her watch, “Nadia can be here in like fifteen to pick me up.” 

“Thank you both.” Connie slung her arms around both of you, pulling you towards her. “I really needed this. I really needed this.” 

“I’m just glad you and Steve are going to be okay.”

She nodded, “And we will be. We will.” 

You felt terrible for them. But relationships had ups and downs. It was just important that you came out on the ups, rather than the downs. 

———

 “So you knew about Steve’s balls.” You stated as you rolled onto your side towards Javier. The bedroom was dark, but you could almost imagine his expression just from the huff he let out. “Well?”

“Interesting choice of pillow talk.” Javier remarked as he rolled onto his back, reaching out beneath the covers to grab your leg. He gave it a squeeze, sighing heavily. “Yeah, he told me at the bar last week.”

“So you just found out.” 

“Yeah.” He rubbed his thumb over your skin. “I hear he’s sleeping in the guest room. I told him he fucked up. Lying to her for how many months?”

You reached down and rested your hand over his, “I think she’ll let him back in her bed tonight. We talked it through.” 

“And the prognosis?”

“He fucked up by lying, but she recognized that he was just trying to keep the peace.” 

“He’s scared shitless, baby.” Javier told you. “I’ve never seen him so on edge before. She blew up Monday night.” 

“Well, she didn’t know what she was in for. She cooked dinner, bought a fancy teddy, and…”

“He regrets the ‘I need to talk’ shit he pulled.” 

“He should!” You shook your head, squeezing his hand. “He is such a sweetheart, but he’s as smart as a box of rocks sometimes.” 

Javier chuckled, “What can you expect? He shoots skeet. For fun.” 

You snorted, “He’s deeply flawed.” 

“You think they’re gonna figure things out?”

“I hope so.” You shifted closer to him, draping your arm over his chest as you rested your cheek on his shoulder. “She’s gonna cut off her mom.” 

“Fuck Ethel.” 

“Seriously.” You curled your leg around his, resting it in between his thighs. Trying to get closer to him. “I feel bad for both of them, honestly. I understand why Steve did what he did, but… He shouldn’t have left Connie in the dark for so long.”

“I don’t think he planned to,” Javier admitted, running his hand over your forearm. “For what it’s worth, Steve told me he had planned to tell her once he found out whether he had cancer or not. One of the girls got sick — remember the stomach flu that went around? Connie was stressed, he’d just come back from his trip, and he put it off. Then Ethel came and…”

“Now it’s September.” You added, lifting your hand up to cup his cheek. “If you ever think you’re sick… please tell me.” 

Javier tilted his head and brushed his lips against yours. “I’d want you right there beside me, baby. I don’t know how Steve managed to get himself up to Tampa and let them remove his whole fucking testicle.” 

“They removed the whole thing?” You gaped at that. “Connie acted like it was just a biopsy. Holy shit, no wonder he hasn’t wanted to have sex!” 

“Yeah, it’s a whole… thing.” Javier snorted. “I’ve heard more about Murphy’s balls than I ever wanted to.”

“Monica was scandalized by our discussion on Steve’s balls.” 

“That poor child.” Javier chuckled. “Did she have fun?”

“She bragged about how excited she was for your Social Policy Analysis class.” 

“I think she’s the only one excited about it,” He sounded quite pleased with that. “Everyone else was grumbling about having to turn in a two-hundred page policy.” 

“That class is only going to be fun because of me.” You pointed out. “Which one of us secured City Hall for your class?” You couldn’t wait to hear Monica get up at a council meeting and argue for her policy reform. 

Javier snorted, “When are you gonna start teaching yourself, baby?”

You traced your finger over his nose in the darkness, “Next semester.” 

“Wait, really?”

“I haven’t turned anything in yet, but… I think I’m going to do it. Honestly, I miss working with you.” You admitted. “I’ll still help Steve, as promised… But, I’ve had so much fun helping you with the Policy class.” 

Javier curled his arm around you and pulled you into his chest as he rolled onto his side. “Best fucking news I’ve had all week.” 

You laughed quietly, nuzzling into his throat. “I thought you’d be happy about it.” 

“My office is plenty big enough for you to set up your own desk in there.” 

“I can’t sit on your lap?” You laughed as you pressed kisses along his neck. “Damn.” 

He gave your ass a playfully squeeze, “Only when the door’s shut.” 

You were seconds away from sliding your hand down between your bodies when you heard the creak of your bedroom door and the quietest little voice whispering. 

“Mommy? Daddy?”

Javier sighed quietly as he released his hold on you, rolling over and turning the bedside light on. “Hey, princesa. What’s up?”

“I had a nightmare.” Josie said quietly, rubbing at her eyes.

“Well, what are you doing over here?” You questioned, “Come here, baby girl. Get in bed with us.” 

Josie didn’t need to be told twice, she pushed the bedroom door shut behind her and bounded her way onto the bed with you. Javier picked her up, despite his bad shoulder, tossing her up in the air a little before settling her down on the bed between the two of you. 

“What was the bad dream, sweetheart?” He questioned. 

“I was all alone!” Josie said, quite dramatically, clinging to your hand. “It was dark and scary… And there were these creepy sounds and… a witch cackling!” 

“Did you leave your Halloween sounds cassette on?”

“Maybe.” Josie said innocently. 

“Babydoll, you can’t listen to those at night.” 

“Uncle Steve wanted to hear them before he left! He thought they were funny.”

You rolled your eyes, “Then we’ll just have to bill Uncle Steve for the nightmare tax.” 

“The nightmare tax?” Josie questioned, wide-eyed as she looked up at her father. 

Javier nodded his head, “The nightmare tax. Now Uncle Steve will have the nightmares and you won’t.” 

“I bet he’s having nightmares tonight.” You interjected with a wry laugh. 

“Oh.” Josie hummed thoughtfully. “So I won’t have anymore bad dreams?”

“Well, surely not with your big strong daddy here to scare away the bad dream monsters.” You remarked, reaching around behind Josie’s head so you could play your fingers through Javier’s hair. “We’ve got you kiddo, don’t worry.” 

“I love you mommy.” Josie said, rolling over and clinging to you.

You wrapped your arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “I’ve got you, babydoll.” 

“Lights out?”

“Lights out!” Josie cheered.

Javier shut off the light, rolling onto his side and draping his arm across Josie and you. He curled his hand around your hip, his thumb rubbing a small circle there. “Good night.” He whispered in the darkness. 

“Nighty-night daddy.” 

[glitterfairy-21225]

WandaVision Wishlist/Theories

Okay, my thoughts have pretty much been consumed by WandaVision, Spider-Man 3, and this whole multiverse. Ironically, when I first heard about a potential multiverse in Far From Home I was relieved to find out it was all a facade. I wanted the MCU to remain an isolated world in itself, I guess not really understanding what a multiverse story could lead to. Now that I have a grasp of what might be happening, I have not only changed my mind but I've fallen into my fanfiction trend of waking up each morning, going through the day, actively going and looking for old news, hoping for a new update of some sort. So my wishlist. Some ground rules first; I'll also write individual wishlists for the others, this is just for WandaVision but also some of the stuff pays off later and I'll talk about that.

Evan Peters Quicksilver. I've said this multiple times so I'll keep it quick. I keep telling myself to just accept a cameo, but I hope he plays a big part, maybe coming back to help in Doctor Strange, maybe bringing his universe's heroes with him. I sort of see Wanda having a breakdown at the end of one of the episodes and doing something freaky with her powers, and it ends on the wham shot of Peter Maximoff asking who she is. I. Would. Scream.

I've also said that I'd be happy if he plays Mephisto as predicted, but now that I've really thought about a Quicksilver.... That might not be true anymore. That being said, I think the main appeal for me at least would be seeing Peters pull out his American Horror Story acting chops. But that's only if it's not Quicksilver, which I don't see why they wouldn't.

Post credits scene. Now I'm not suggesting one after every episode.... Actually, maybe one after every episode. Why not? It would probably get old quick though, but maybe still. Anyways, what if in the final episode, we get a post credits scene of Wiccan and Speed getting reincarnated. 

Okay, so you know how there's a dream related song playing from every decade they're parodying? For the eighties, do Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This. There may be a better choice for that, but shut up no there isn't. Plus all that stuff about abuse could be applicable to Wanda's situation with her reality world.

Give Jimmy Woo a boyfriend.

Wanda gets her reality warping/hex magic and is revealed to be a mutant. I struggle to even put this because it seems like a given, but a part of me is still like, 'What if they don't, though.' And I can't accept that. Wanda Maximoff is one of the most powerful beings in Marvel. Act like it. I'm sorry, I just love her and her comic powers so much. That's how you write an overpowered goddess, by giving her a crap life and every reason to just explode. I'm glad Marvel's learning.

Maybe start an episode with a prologue of Wanda's backstory with the missiles and her and Pietro going to Hydra. Trailer breakdowns have determined that at points in the trailer it shows Wanda in her first appearance in Winter Soldier. I'd prefer if, either as a basic flashback or a break of reality causing a hyper real flashback, Wanda relives her powers being unlocked by the soul stone firsthand. This could also be a nod to mutants.

Erik Lehnsherr cameo. In another start of an episode, or the same one, show him helping them out as kids. Maybe even Erik giving them up for adoption. Either Wanda doesn't know he's her dad or she does and hates him. If it's the latter, they joined the Nazis out of resentment, because... Come on. Also, maybe he's raising Lorna Dane post plane crash as a foil to his relationship with Wanda.

Show Wanda's struggle. Since House of M is a major inspiration they should draw from that. In that story, Wanda's powers got out of control due to grief and pretty everyone was all for killing her. I kind of hate that when it comes to god level superwomen, they're all either evil or written like Captain Marvel, obvious exceptions aside. The way you write overpowered is by giving the character no control over the massive abilities and having that as a point of contention. 

Two paths for Agatha. A) She’s a villain. Either she works for Mephisto if we go down that route, or she actively encourages Wanda to stay in this strange universe and pushes her on when she has a breakdown. She seems confused but I hope this is either an act, or if not then she just goes with the chaos and uses it to her advantage.

B) Agatha Harkness as a former mentor/mother figure of Wanda's. She seems really confused and not in a fake way in the trailers. Though it could 100% be fake. Maybe the reason she is in Wanda's sitcom world is as she tried to get through to Wanda, like I think Monica Rambeau did. Maybe Wanda's mother was a witch like in the comics (after a shitty retcon) and Agatha raised them after them after their (adoptive?) parents died... Ooh!

Wanda has both magic powers and mutant abilities. Agatha taught her as a child, but she swore it off at some point for some reason. I think I finally understand her powers in the comics, because it never made sense to me, but this does. Simple explanations equal understanding I guess.

Wanda's headpiece. Not as a Halloween costume, but for real that's all. Also I heard someone theorize that her outfit is colored as a sort of couples matching with Vision, which, uh, yes please.

Wanda creates the reality herself, not Mephisto. He still feeds off this dilemma though. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or how she’s doing it, but at some point in the series she realizes what’s happening and decides to devote herself to the false reality, which is when she willingly changes the furniture in the trailer.

As excited as I am for Evan Peters, give ATJ Quicksilver some love as well. I heard that the actor doesn’t want to return to the MCU, which is fair, but still give him some love. And at some point before Evan Peters shows up so it’s not like, ‘Oh yeah, I remember him!’ Maybe a flashback to Wanda before entering the sitcom reality mourning him as well. Maybe sitcoms where everything is wrapped up with a pretty bow is how the twins coped as children. Hell, maybe it was a family thing with dead parents/Magneto/Harkness.

God, I hope that people don’t find this after the show comes out and says, ‘This would’ve been better than that travesty.’ Maybe after the show is completed I could reblog or something to see how much actually came to fruition one way or another. Just the basic wish though, because my brain is too specific for anyone else. Like when youtubers make movie predictions and then play bingo after it comes out.

Edit: Just realizing I didn’t title this... Shit.

[maisondenachtai]

I Like That (Part 3)

Title: I Like That Pairing: Erik X BlackFemale!Reader Previous Parts: Part 1, Part 2 summary: just uh....hide your purse aight? (author’s note: uh, ...so...um...it’s been a while right? very sorry about that but it’s here now and I already know how i’m ending it so that’s great. ...this part is written in erik’s pov cause that really helped me break the block i had on it. ...I hope you enjoy it. only one more part to go.) He knew he had fucked up. She wouldn’t even look at him and had scooted as close to her door as she possibly could. He mentally cursed himself and his ego. He wasn’t even sure why he had snapped at her so hard. What she said was fundamentally true and she had the right to speak on what she knew first hand, but it must have been the mixture of David, her being so mad at him, and the fact that her blow had hurt that had him acting up.

“Y/n, listen.”

“Erik, I said shut up.” She said looking down at her nails that were done in a french tip, something she had been doing since grade school. He remembered how her mom thought color was too ‘grown’ and that ‘young women should only have French tipped nails’. He remembered laughing at her nails in the car when she held them out for him to see, and then he remembered moaning as those same nails wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry, alright.” He sighed and rubbed his hand down his face.

“You’re always sorry Erik. It never helps anything. You’re a sorry ass nigga. So what?” She finally looked at him fury and sadness in her brown eyes.

He swallowed his anger at her name calling and looked out of the window to calm down, “Listen, I know you fucking hate me, and I don’t blame you. I treated you like shit in high school.”

“No, you treated me worst than shit. You dogged me, Erik. Do you know how it feels to be beaten down by the nigga you thought you were in love with? No you don’t because everybody loved you.” Her voice had raised, he could tell that she didn’t give a shit about the mixed company they were in.

“Y/n.”

“Don’t Y/n me. I’m going to say what I should have been said, Erik. You fucked me in private. Used me like a sex toy and in public I was your verbal punching bag. And you set the tone for everyone else in high school. High school was hell for me.”

“What was I supposed to do about it? I was a kid, Y/n. I really feel like you’re overestimating my influence.”

“You were supposed to stop it, not add on to it.”

“Well I’m sorry. I truly am. I wasn’t perfect back then and I’m not perfect now and all I can do now is apologize.”

She shook her head, wiping under her eyes quickly. “It was so long ago, and I haven’t thought about it in years. I stopped being your victim a long time ago Erik….it’s just this reunion has brought up so many memories.” She took a deep breath and exhaled looking at him again. “I’m sorry too. I’ve been acting like a child.”

“Yes you have.” He joked, laughing when she shot a scowl his way. “I’m kidding. I understand your anger. I really do. It’s not right how I treated you, and if any man treated my daughter like that I’d kill him with my bare hands.”

“Your daughter? You got a child?” She looked surprised.

He smirked, “What if I said I did? What would that mean?”

“That you still haven’t learned to use condoms.” She shook her head, running her hand through her hair. She looked surprised, as if that wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

He smirked to himself.“I’m kidding. No kids yet. …Ain’t found the right woman…” He looked down her seated frame, biting down on his lip as his gaze settled on her hips and the thigh that had poked out of the slit on the dress. “And the woman I want to have my babies don’t want me.”

She was pointedly ignoring his blatant staring, choosing instead to scroll through her phone. “Well maybe you’ll have luck at the reunion. Remember that girl Monica? She’s been asking the facebook group if you were coming.”

He rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat, “Don’t nobody want Monica. Her breath was stank.” She chuckled and the sound warmed his soul.

The best times he could remember in high school was of her and him chilling in his car outside of her house. She would sneak out the window because her mom didn’t allow boys in the house and honestly didn’t like him one bit but she would take the chances of being caught outside with him anyway.

They would sit and listen to the radio, singing along with their favorite songs, and roasting the bad songs. They would sling insults back and forth until they ended up not being able to speak from laughing so hard.                

In tough times, she would be a warm shoulder to lean on, saying nothing that might make him close up when he happened to cry. In reverse, he would be there times when her dad would flake on her again or forget her birthday, or when her mom was just being too restrictive.

It was those times he remembered, even more than the sex they shared, those times where she was his best friend. He missed that.

“Her breath did used to be a little tart.” She spoke back looking at him.

“A little? The girl used to exhale and burn off people’s eyebrows.”

She laughed then, fully, holding onto her stomach. “You’re mean.”

“I’m honest.” He looked out the window. They still had about twenty minutes until they made it to the reunion. “So, where did you meet David?”

She looked at him and shook her head. “Uh uh.”

“Uh uh? What do you mean uh uh?”

“You are not fixin to clown my man, okay? No. I’m not letting it happen.”

“Ain’t nobody about to clown your man. …I mean I didn’t know you liked light skinned men but-

“See you’re already clowning him.”

He shook his head, “No, I was just joking. Seriously, tell me I want to know.”

She rolled her eyes, “Well if you must know, we met at a conference in Arizona.”

“So he’s in business?”

“No, tech actually. He was at the conference networking. At the time he was trying to startup this app, Nozzle. It’s a app that-

“I know about Nozzle.” Erik actually knew Nozzle pretty well seeing as he had invested some money in the startup a while back trying to get his portfolio up.

However, he didn’t remember seeing David’s name in the business plan. “So, he’s still working with Nozzle then?”

“Nah, they ousted him. He had a completely different vision than the other two men and they decided to part ways amicably.  He’s actually working on a festival idea, kind of like a black Coachella but not like Afropunk or anything. That’s why he’s not here right now. He had a meeting to attend with some investors.”

Erik couldn’t help but smirk, “A festival?”

“Don’t even-“

“I bet its going to be lit. …Straight…Fyre.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore.” She looked out of the window folding her arms again.

“Wait, wait. I’m just kidding.” He pulled one of her arms down, so she wouldn’t close up on him again. “Seriously though, he does know a new festival right now, it’s not the move.”

She sighed, “It’s legit though and he has a good plan for it. Nothing too extravagant. I’ve been working it out with him, setting up meetings for him.”

“Setting up meetings for him? You a secretary now?”

“Nah, I’m a good girlfriend. Why shouldn’t I help him if I can?”

Erik looked at her and then shrugged, “I mean, I guess. But…just don’t put none of your money in it.” When she didn’t say anything, he sighed. “How much?”

It was her turn to rub the back of her neck, “Uh…just 50,000 dollars.”

“50,000 dollars?”

“We got a loan, so he could have the capital to start moving stuff and showing investors he wasn’t coming in empty handed.”

“Oh my god, Y/n. The whole reason you get investors is so that you don’t have to get loans like that or at least so you can pay off the damn loan. How much has he paid off.”

“10,000.”

“Oh my godddd.” Erik wanted to die. He wanted to strangle Y/n, in the most loving way, for being so stupid and then he wanted to kill David. “He’s fucking scamming you and probably everyone else he’s talked to. Why did he get ousted from Nozzle?”

“I told you because they had different visions-“

“Nah, that’s what that nigga told you.” He pulled out his phone. “Send me a picture of him.”

“Why?” Erik rolled his eyes and tried hard not to snap at her, “Don’t argue with me right now. Send me a picture.” When she pulled out her phone he sighed.

“This nigga is running your name into the ground and you probably don’t even know it.”

“He’s legit Erik.” The airdrop notification came up on his phone and he accepted it, getting a fairly clear picture of David.

“We’ll see.” He pulled up an app that allowed him to search FBI databases, search engines, wanted ads, and many more places by picture and name.

“What’s his name?”

“David Johnson.” She had moved closer trying to see what he was doing on his phone. “Are you doing a background check on him?”

“Nah, but you should have.” He hit search and the app began trying to match David’s photo and name to anything they could.

“I can’t believe this. You’re so fucking smart, Y/n. You graduated summa cum lade and you’re nearly running that firm you’re at. I can’t believe that you can’t smell a scammer from a mile away.”

“How do you know all of that?”               

                     Before he could answer his phone dinged, he smirked pressing the article that came up. David Johnson was Gregory Malcolm, the man who was caught misappropriating funds from Nozzle. Who was still wanted by authorities in California, New York, and Georgia.

“Is David’s middle name Joanne?” He started looking down at the picture of David being escorted out of a building in handcuffs.

“No…why?”

“Cause your man’s a fucking scammer.”

---------------------------------------------------------

(author’s note: just

and I hope that this part was not a total let down.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist: @halonahoney @scumyeol @fangirlingbookworm1 @elaindeereads @groovybbyyy  @holy-minseok  @ljstraightnochaser @chefjessypooh @sweet-epiphany85 @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @tiava143

@chaneajoyyy​ @ raysunshine78   fuckmegoodbruhh ghostfacekill-monger  mellifluousbabe  browngirldominion

(i probably didn’t tag half the people that wanted to be tagged. sorry about that!)

[msbluebell]

In the captured!AU, let‘s pretend for a moment that Jeralt didn’t die. He wouldn’t just be protective-dad, he‘d be livid-almost blind with fury-dad. Then upon being reunited with his kid he would be nothing short of a supportive father helping his child through a horrible trauma.

Ooooooooooooooooooh ho ho. You. You keep talking Anon, because this prompt is as delicious as Mac and Cheese.

Jeralt has always been silently protective of Byleth. He once set a building on fire, faked his death, and ran off for twenty years just to protect Byleth from Rhea. Byleth is his ONLY child, one of the last things he has of his wife, and many people in game remark how openly proud of his child he is and how much he very obviously loves them. Jeralt may not be the most emotional parent, but he’s a loving, reasonably protective, good father.

So if he survived Monica’s assassination attempt (which I’m going to say still happened, but he survived because Monica’s aim went off when Byleth tried to interfere and she only wounded him) and made it to the war he’d be...destroyed for lack of a better term. 

I find it funny that English doesn’t have a word for parents that outlive their children. We have one for a child that outlives their parent, and a spouse that outlives their spouse, but we don’t have one for a parent that outlives their child. I think we need one, because I can’t imagine something so painful. You can move on from a spouse, but moving on from your child’s death? That’s the kind of bitter, stinging, empty pain that I think would be so difficult that for some it would be impossible. Yeah, we should have a word for that. The Germans have a word, Verwaiste Eltern,because of course they do, they have a word for everything. I once saw a Duke article that argued we should use the word Vilomah, because we use the term widow, which is Sanskirt.

Either way, I think the pain of a parent losing their child is so devastating that it deserves it’s own word. Or...maybe...the reasons we don’t have a word is because, for a loving parent, the pain is so great that they can’t even bare to imagine a word for it.

Jeralt is probably one of those parents that never even considered outliving his child.

In the game he repeatedly mentions his own death, and makes plans and takes steps for if HE dies. But he never once brings up Byleth’s possible death. I think, in his mind, while he OBJECTIVELY knows it’s a possibility, he never once registered it as something that could legitimately happen. For him, Byleth’s death is a far off thing that’s going to happen LONG after he’s gone. He’s taking steps to ensure Byleth has a long and happy life. He’s giving them his wife’s wedding ring, the only other memento he has of her, so they can start finding their own happiness and setting up their own life. These aren’t the actions of a man ready to lose his child at all.

So when the war happens, and Byleth is lost, he’s devastated. 

He’s probably not worried at first, because it’s a battle and Byleth is strong and they’ve probably just been delayed in their escape. They’ll be here soon. The safe spot is good for days.

Then a week passes.

Then two.

It’s not safe to stay in this spot anymore, and Byleth still isn’t here, and there’s a pit forming in his stomach, and his men are starting to think it’s maybe time to tell their bass that there MIGHT be a possibility that maybe, if it’s been this long, their kid ain’t coming back. But no one wants to outright SAY it because, well, how do you tell a man his only child might have been killed?

They’re forced to flee, after a while, because with Imperials marching everywhere and looking for enemies it’s just not safe to stay in one spot for too long. So they run.

As time goes by, Jeralt is starting to think his kid may not be coming back.

Jeralt isn’t an emotional man. He’s always had trouble expressing his feelings. He’s not the type to burst into tears, or plan a wedding the moment someone he knows starts liking someone else. Jeralt is made of quite things, quite moments. He’s the warm hand on your head, the cup of morning coffee that gets you through the day, the small and proud smile when you win, and the shoulder to cry on when you lose. He’s a quite parent that’s quietly supportive and honest when you need him to be.

But when he realizes Byleth isn’t coming back, he cries. It’s not loud sobbing, but a stream of quite, steady, tears that roll down his face. He doesn’t do it in front of his men, he waits until he’s alone, sitting on a rock and facing away from their direction, and he whips them away before he goes back to them. 

(He didn’t need to. His eyes are red. They know. But they’re gracious enough not to comment)

He goes back to try and find the body, when it’s safe, but he never does. And it’s that just cruel? First life takes his kid and now he can’t even bury them. He at least got to bury his wife.

Jeralt decides that, if he can’t even bury the body, than he might as well try to do something Byleth would want him to do, since they’re not here anymore. He’s lived twenty years protecting Byleth, he can spend the rest of his years fighting for the life they’d have lived. The only thing he can think of is protecting those students of theirs, so he heads towards Faerghus.

What he finds is a damn mess.

The King Regent has been assassinated, and now Cornelia is in charge, and Dimitri was supposedly killed. Half the country is sworn to the Empire and the other half is putting up a resistance. Jeralt sighs heavily and points his men toward the resistance, where he thinks Byleth’s students would be set up. He’s pretty sure the two lords in charge of it are parents of her students.

He’s welcomed by Rodrigue with a sad smile. Rodrigue knows what it’s like to lose a child (and, oh, what pain that causes. It swallows you whole. And nothing makes it better. You can tell yourself they died for something good, that they died right, but that only makes your other child hate you), and he’s very sympathetic. He wouldn’t have said no to the extra forces even if Jeralt wasn’t there, but his heart is soft for another parent that’s known such loss.

Jeralt serves as both a tactical adviser and a captain for his forces. He also helps Rodrigue and Gustav try to track Dimitri (Byelth had really liked that kid, he remembers. Byleth had mentioned him a few times, anyway, which was a lot for them, so Jeralt figures there must have been a lot of fondness there. He doesn’t have the whole story, and now he kinda wishes he did so he’d have something to say, but he’ll have to contend with trying to find the kid), but the kid is slippery as and eel and good at staying hidden. Jeralt is honestly impressed that the kid is so good at surviving when the entire Empire is hunting him down. Even HE can’t find the kid and he’s good at his job.

He tries to take care of the other students in the meantime. He tries to visit them when he can, check up on them, make sure they’re healthy. It’s what Byleth would want. And, to be honest, he’s growing quite fond of them himself. Annette is a sweet girl, and so is Mercedes. And Ashe is a good kid that he can see going far. Felix is intense, but Jeralt knows deep down he cares a lot, maybe too much, and he’s just guarding his heart. Sylvain he keeps out of trouble too, because he seems to find it a lot. And, really, they don’t fill the hole Byleth left behind, but they numb it for a bit and that’s the best he can ask for.

He never gets over Byleth’s death, and the lack of funeral, but he’s able to at least live a meaningful life for them. That’s not enough, but it’s something.

Then, one day, Rodrigue comes to him with a letter from the Alliance.

Byleth is alive.

Byleth is ALIVE.

His child is alive.

Claude wrote out all the details from his “reliable source I have in Enbarr”. Byleth was captured in the battle five years ago after falling off a cliff and being knocked unconscious. They’ve been held in solitary confinement in the top of a tower in Enbarr for the last five years. The reasons no announcement from the Empire has been made is because Edelgard is keeping them as her personal prisoner and not a political one, and the reason his spies haven’t found out about this sooner is because Byleth is confined to that single room with no access to the outside world, no windows to spy through, and no one but the most trusted staff allowed within a tower full of traps and mazes. Apparently, according to Claude, only Edelgard’s inner circle are even allowed to deliver meals.

Jeralt is...livid to say the least.

Rodrigue is barely a third of the way through the letter, reading it to a horrified council, when Jeralt slams his hands on the table and throws himself up, knocking back his chair. He’s marching out the room in moments. When Rodrigue asks where he’s going he just gruffly and furiously spits out, “Enbarr.”

It takes all of Rodrigues power to stop him, furiously chasing after the enraged man and trying to talk reasons and sense into him. Telling him that he can’t go alone or he’ll die, and that they need to increase their army, and that Gustav found another lead on Dimitri so give them time to get him, and the Alliance and they could combine forces, and they’ve gotten into contact with Seteth recently so they could gather the remaining Knights of Seiros. The’ll rescue Byleth, that will be a top priority, but they need TIME and FORCES.

Jeralt is not having it. He argues back. That’s his KID in there, trapped like some sort of...of...of PET. They’ve been stuck there for YEARS while he’s been wasting time. And you wouldn’t be so calm if that were GLENN.

A silence falls over them, and Jeralt realizes he’s made a terrible mistake.

He sighs, rubbing his forehead. He knows that was uncalled for. That was massively uncalled for. He says that, and he apologies. But Rodrigue shakes his head, saying he’s right, if that were Glenn he’d be acting like this too, and there’s no need to apologize, and he’s heard worse from Felix anyway (and Jeralt should really get those two to actually sit down and TALK sometime before it’s too late). Jeralt says that there is, because Rodrigue is right, he can’t get Byleth out on his own. It’s just...that’s his KID. That’s his kid and he thought they were DEAD and now they’re ALIVE and they’re being kept as a PET away from them and he can’t stand it.

Rodrigue puts his hands on Jeralt’s shoulders and promises that they’re going to get Byleth back. That it will be one of the first things they do. He swears his life on it.

Jeralt nods and says the same about Dimitri.

Turns out, Rodrigue was right to stop him, because a few weeks later they’re at Garreg Mach, and both Byleth AND Dimitri are there, showing up together like ghosts returning from the dead.

And, shit, both kids have had a rough time of it. Dimitri is half mad and feral from being hunted in the woods for five years, and some clearly unresolved issues have only made him worse than ever. And he’s glad that Rodrigue is still holding up the front in Faerghus because he doesn’t want him to see his kid like this.

Byleth isn’t much better. They’re not half mad like Dimitri, but captivity wasn’t a good look on them. They’re wearing Empire Red silks and they’re pale as a ghost. They can’t stand outside too long without turning pink as a big, but they can’t stand to stay inside either. They won’t even sleep in their room anymore, taking up a spot in the chapel. And Dimitri is always standing by them too, half mad but ready to skewer people at a moment’s notice if Byleth asks it. 

It’s...hard for him to see his kid like that.

He can’t huge his kid for too long anymore, because they don’t like feeling trapped. So even though he wants to hold them tight and never let go, he has to let go quickly or they’ll start to panic, and that will set Dimitri off, and he’s like a guard dog as it is.

Most nights Jeralt sleeps in the chapel with Dimitri and Byleth (though he has yet to see Dimitri actually sleep. It’s more like he just stands there, looming over everything. It’s unnerving, downright disturbing, and Jeralt is legitimately worried that Dimitri may have trained himself to sleep standing up or something. Or worse, not sleep at all. It explains why he’s gone mad for damn sure, and he makes a not to try and pump Chamomile in that kid and try to get him a nap because maybe that’ll help calm him down. It helps Byleth get to sleep these days. Lavender and Chamomile. And him being there). Byleth doesn’t really wake up screaming from nightmares, but when they do wake up they always end up panicking for a moment before looking around, making sure there’s sunlight and a place to escape. It breaks his damn heart.

He has to help Byelth get used to sunlight again. They need limited time, even though all they seem to want to do most days is lay in the grass. He has to herd them back in though, before they’re burned. But every day they get a little more time. It’s slow going, but he thinks it helps. 

Still, he can’t help but hate Edelgard. He has his kid back, but Goddess above, look at them. Dimitri and Byleth are both a wreck at best, and he and the others have to take care of them and get them back on their feet for the battles ahead (which is hard, because Dimitri only listens to Byleth, and sometimes even that isn’t reliable if he gets too lost on the battlefield. Still, it looks like for the most part Byleth has got Dimitri’s recovery in their hands, and Jeralt has Byleth’s so it’s FINE).

When the day comes, he’ll kill that Edelgard woman himself if she even looks at Byleth wrong. He’s going to destroy that tower and scatter it’s stone across the seas. 

He’s going to help these kids get better, and rub it in the world’s face. He’ll look every god in the eye and spit in their face before he lets anything bad happen to them ever again.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #227: Testing... 1... 2... 3!

January, 1983

Welcome to 1983! And the year starts off with the greatest gift of all: more Captain Marvel!

Also, She-Hulk strutting, Hank pondering, and Wasp lunching.

Truly, this issue promises much for six dimes.You’re blessed these days to find a comic that promises half as much for ten dimes.

I’ve said before that I like covers that are just ‘hey here’s several things that are going to happen in this issue.’ And I still do. Is rad.

Also rad? We have our next long term Avengers writer starting in this issue. Roger Stern!

So last time (in Spider-Man), boat cop Monica Rambeau punched a science machine and got filled with science. She can turn her body into any kind of energy. She quit the boat cops and became a superhero in New Orleans for a couple weeks but then learned that she was going to explode. So she went to New York to try to get some science to fix the science.

Since Reed Richards wasn’t available, she wound up going to the Avengers for help. Hijinxes ensued as they must, but Iron Man was able to siphon the excess energy out of her by causing a lot of property damage to his own property.

Imagine the AU where Reed wasn’t on vacation and Monica ended up more tied to the Fantastic Four.

The issue starts with the Avengers and the all-new Captain Marvel hanging out in the combination lounge and science room.

For when you need to calibrate something but with an eye towards leisure.

Since Iron Man siphoned off a lot of energy from Captain Marvel, Wasp decided to test her to make sure her powers haven’t been affected.

The test has Captain Monica take off from Avengers Mansion and then hit a series of satellites as different forms of energy. One as light, one as microwaves, another as radio waves before returning to the mansion as x-rays.

And since she’s traveling at the speed of light, she gets back before the Avengers even take a breath. Although using the telemetry machines he assembled for the test, Iron Man clocks her in at under two seconds.

Cap notes that she’s so fast that she makes Quicksilver look like shit. Because running is fine, if you can’t turn into light.

And Wasp is so impressed that she instantly invites Captain Marvel to join the Avengers as an Avenger-in-training.

Cap frets about the Avengers’ government clearances but Wasp is ahead of him with the power of NETWORKING.

She already got a limited-security training program approved by the government. Because she and the First Lady have the same masseur.

It really is about who you know.

Cap examines the paperwork, sees that everything seems to be in order, and agrees that Jan’s plan is best plan. She-Hulk is all for it too. As is Thor. Only Hawkeye doesn’t voice support, but keeps his thoughts to himself.

So, Monica is in the Avengers! As an in-training!

With that established, Wasp leaves for a brunch appointment.

That Wasp and her brunching.

Cap and Iron Man start breaking down the Monica-Measuring-Machine while Hawkeye starts grousing.

Because Hawkeye.

Hawkeye: “Hey, am I the only one who’s noticed how bossy our boss-lady’s gotten lately? We didn’t used to get called in on the run just to screen new members.”

She-Hulk: “What’s the matter, Robin Hood? Can’t stand being around a few strong women?”

Captain America: “The calling of special meetings is the group-leader’s privilege, Hawk -- you know that! I think Jan is just growing into her post as Avengers chairwoman... and doing a great job of it, I might add!”

Hawkeye has not drunk much respect respect women juice around this point in his life. Putting aside his repeated kissing unreceptive women, he also went ‘haha i hope you learned feminism is pointless’ during the Evils of Feminism Halloween issue.

She-Hulk agrees with Cap’s take and then picks up the entire five ton machine and walks off with it, I think mostly to show off. Or strut her stuff, as the cover said.

This just sets off Hawkeye some more.

Hawkeye: “That’s another thing! I never used to have big, green broads challenging me to arm-wrestle everytime I walked through the door! Do you know what it’s like to... to... Aw, the heck with it! I have to get back to work!”

Cap: “Welcome to the future, Hawkeye.”

Hahaha amazing.

Razz the heck out of him, Cap.

Its possible that he’s exaggerating but I do believe that She-Hulk would do that, just to flex on Hawkeye. What with her muscles.

But I wonder if the reason for this bad Hawkeye mood is that in a rarely precedented turn of events, the Avengers have three women on the team.

That’s still four guys to three girls but since its usually one girl to every three guys, Hawkeye might feel suddenly outnumbered.

Because he is a fool.

After Hawkeye stomps off, Cap remarks that Hawkeye needs to learn a few new things about women.

But Iron Man is lost in his own women troubles. He beats himself up verbally for getting involved with Wasp without being honest with her about his identity.

He even wonders if it would be for the best, aka less awkward for everyone, if he resigned from the team.

Cap tells him that wouldn’t solve anything.

Captain America: “You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them... to bounce back. You can do it, mister! You’re an Avenger!”

Iron Man: (So was Hank, Cap... So was Hank.)

Interesting to see how the fall of Yellowjacket is still rippling in the pond.

But here’s what I’d tell Morose Iron Man: Hank didn’t learn from his mistake. He doubled and tripled down on it. If you learn a thing, you’re already off to a good start.

Thor has apparently been sitting across the room the whole time, listening to all of this. But he is also lost in his own thoughts.

He is also thinking whether he should resign from the team but so that he can focus more on re-establishing Donald Blake’s life. And even though some of his proudest moments have been as an Avenger, it is taking away Donald time.

Several floors below, She-Hulk casually carries that five ton machine on her shoulder. So casual that she reads the Daily Bugle while she walks.

She-Hulk, a Californian: “‘The Daily Bugle’ -- HAH! They call this a newspaper? New Yorkers wouldn’t know a real paper if it bit ‘em on their behinds! Sometimes I think I’ll go stir crazy in this town!”

There is apparently nothing for her to do in New York between Avengers missions. Nothing to do. In New York.

???????

But she does find a help wanted ad for a part-time instructor for a health spa that interests her.

You have a LAW DEGREE.

First off, how are you not in ridiculous law school debt?

Second, LAW DEGREE.

She’s so engrossed in the ad that she does Jarvis a fright, forcing him and Monica to squeeze up against the wall to avoid being smacked by the machine She-Hulk is carrying.

Jarvis bemoans that new Avengers are always a trial before hurriedly excluding Monica.

She diplomatically takes no offense.

Jarvis continues his tour of the mansion, taking Monica to the records room which has not only all of the Avengers case files but also cross-referenced files from the Fantastic Four, the UN, SHIELD, Interpol, and a bunch of federal agencies.

If the Avengers love anything its drama but if they love two things its reading up on stuff. Like how Hawkeye was like ‘ah ha the Taskmaster, I read your file’ in the issue where he shot Ant-Man on an arrow.

Monica Marvel asked to see the records room because she’s following up on the Thing telling her that someone else went by Captain Marvel before she did.

So Jarvis punches up the Avengers’ file on Mar-Vell.

That’s a bit of a neat touch. If she’s going to go around as Captain Marvel (and she has to, its a trademark squat) she’s going to be respectful and learn about the man that her name is going to evoke.

Meanwhile, in Central Park, Reed and Sue Richards?

Well, they’re on the cover so its not much of a surprise. They’re Wasp’s brunch appointment. A brunchment.

Sue decided that they should jog to Tavern-On-The-Green. Reed has decided that he hates jogging.

Sue: “Oh, no! It’s 11:59! I knew we should have started sooner!”

Reed: “I wish we hadn’t started at all.”

So when Sue complains about them arriving late, Reed goes heck yeah i can get out of jogging, scoops Sue up and does FANTASTIC LEG STRETCHING which is very different from jogging.

Good thing he made those jogging suits out of unstable molecules.

In mere seconds, Reed covers the half mile to the tavern to meet the nonplussed Janet van Wasp and the oppositely nonplussed waiter.

So, Sue and Jan are fast friends forever now because of that one time they had brunch.

That’s how it works in their circle.

And Sue called and invited Jan out to brunch. But not just to get her back, but because she’s worried about Jan.

Well she says “we’ve been worried” but Reed probably had to be reminded that Sue has friends.

Jan: “Sue, you’re a dear! But you’re worried about nothing! I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Sure, it’s taken awhile to get used to being single again -- but I’m fine! Really!”

And like someone who is totally fine, she insists that she’s fine and then immediately excuses herself to the bathroom to powder her nose.

Noses sure needed a lot of powdering back in the day.

And anyone that insists that they’re perfectly fine and then runs off to the bathroom is either going to cry or going to powder their nose in a more narcotics fashion.

After Jan heads off to the bathroom to powder her nose in whichever way, Reed and Sue talk about her behind her back.

Reed: “Well, she’s certainly putting up a good front -- !”

Sue: “Yes, but it’s just a front! She’s keeping everything bottled up inside her! And she’s been through so much lately... Hank’s expulsion from the Avengers, the divorce... and now that she’s become chairwoman of the Avengers -- ! I’m afraid for her, Reed!”

Reed: “We can’t help her if she won’t let us, Sue. Jan’s a strong-willed woman -- I just pray that she’s strong enough to bend with the pressure... and not break!”

So its not one thing Sue is worried about. Its all the things. And there are a lot of things.

I don’t know what Sue means by “now” when she says Jan became chairwoman of the Avengers.

That happened the instant she came back from her divorce vacation from the team. I mean, it is plausibly a thing to worry about that she’s taken on too much in too little a time and just putting a smile on.

But she’s been leadering the Avengers. Its gone okay.

Anyway, Jan did go into the bathroom to not cry in front of her new best friend, Sue.

Jan: “I won’t cry... I won’t! Maybe I don’t have Hank around to lean on anymore -- but I can tough it out! I’ll show ‘em... I don’t need him... Don’t need anybody! After all, I’m an Avenger! I’m the leader of the Avengers!”

And she walks out of the bathroom with feelings entirely managed and a smile back on.

I think the Avengers needing anybody is why the Avengers are Avengers, though. Bunch of usual loners teamed up once and realized ‘wait this is great.’

So like in the Jan and Tony are disgustingly cute together story, we get another glimpse that things haven’t been as easy on Jan as she lets on.

I don’t mind. This is what being a well-rounded character is, probably. I’ll see how things go.

It’s like... There’s this period of the Teen Titans book where Donna Troy became the team leader because Dick Grayson was having a lot of identity problems. And Donna suddenly started being like ‘I have no idea what I’m doing’ and making a lot of mistakes. And one could suspect that she was being set up as a less competent leader to make Dick look better. Kind of like how Shuri (initially) and Maria Hill exist to make T’Challa and Nick Fury look better in comparison.

As long as they don’t do that to Jan or something else like that, I’m fine for Jan to have a more complicated situation.

And it doesn’t seem like it’ll go that direction because I've heard she’s going to be the team leader for a while and mostly everyone (except Hawkeye) thinks she’s doing a good job.

But we leave brunch to the opposite of brunch, dusk. And at Ryker’s Island Penitentiary.

Recently, the government has been scattering all of the prisoners with superpowers to prisons across the country. Probably to avoid creating a powder keg situation.

*coughs in Raft*

The only superpowered prisoner left is “probably the worst of the lot.”

Because it’s Hank Pym.

Good dunk at his expense, prison guard.

But actually because “What could be lower than an Avenger who’s gone bad?”

And there’s a Dr. Paul Edmonds here to see Hank.

Hank is sorta blase to it, since he’s seen about thirty by this point. Presumably many of which have been paid for by Tony Stark’s guilty conscience.

Edmonds doesn’t say whether he’s from the prosecution or the defense (and Hank admits it doesn’t really matter to him) but he’s here to determine whether Hank is fit to stand trial.

What with his weird history.

Hank Pym: “Doctor, when I think back over my history, as you call it, I sometimes wonder if I was ever fit for anything!”

Wow, nice self-own, Hank.

Anyway, almost the entire rest of the issue is the Grand Fairly Exhaustive Hank Pym Backstory Exposition Dump.

Of course, with the fillering of the previous run, Hank has been in jail for a bit. And a lot of the relevant backstory stuff is decades past. And Iron Man’s recap of it is over a year ago.

The long-awaited trial is coming up soon so Stern has to get the readers refamiliarized with this stuff.

Lets try to breeze through?

Hank’s life? Sucks. A lot.

He received his doctorate while his friends were undergraduates because he was a workaholic and because “it was easier to deal with chemicals than with people.”

He probably wouldn’t have ever left his lab if his coworkers hadn’t managed to drag him to parties occasionally.

Hank met his first wife Maria Trovaya at one of those reluctant social occasions.

Hank: “She was beautiful, intelligent, witty... I couldn’t believe she was attracted to me! It was like some kind of miracle!”

Wow, another amazing self-own.

They fell so in love with each other that they were married in months.

And then tragedy.

Maria decided that the perfect place to go on honeymoon was to her homeland of communist Hungary where her father had been an enemy of the state.

Sooo. The secret police beat the shit out of Hank and took Maria off to be killed.

Dang.

Hank had his first breakdown when he heard. And the State Department had a hell of a time getting Hank released from Hungarian captivity.

When Hank got back to the US, he buried himself in his work. And the mad lad decided to invent a shrinking potion.

Hank: “It shouldn’t have worked, but I made it work!”

I like when people stop and realize how bonkers the Marvel universe is.

And that Hank put all this effort into inventing this thing and then in a moment of clarity went ‘holy shit I can’t believe that actually worked!’

This recap doesn’t mention that Hank poured his invention down the drain after having a bad experience in an anthill but either way, the invention led to him becoming Ant-Man!

Sort of accidentally! He didn’t really plan to become a “costumed crusader” he just sort of happened to do it.

Hank: “In a way, it almost felt good to be battling the kind of vermin who had killed my Maria!”

But he admits that he wasn’t ever truly comfortable in the role of superhero.

Vicarious catharsis for his murdered wife is possibly the reason why he can’t stay away from it though.

Although it mixes with Hank throwing himself into science so he doesn’t have to people. And Hank feeling insecurity compared to his peers in both superheroics and science so he keeps jumping unhappily between the two.

He’s got a lot going on.

Then his life changed forever again when he met a Dr. Vernon van Dyne and his daughter Janet.

Hank: “Though she was barely twenty, her physical resemblance to Maria was striking. And I soon discovered that Janet van Dyne was more than just a frivolous young debutante. Her father was killed... murdered, and when she tearfully vowed to see justice done, I saw a strength of will... so much like Maria’s!”

Hank revealed that he was the Ant-Man and offered to make her his partner.

So, yeah, maybe the relationship was kind of not on the healthiest footing from the beginning. There’s an age gap (Hank says she’s barely half his age although I don’t know that he’s supposed to be in his forties?). Hank is using her as a replacement goldfish. She’s probably clinging to him in a similarly unhealthy manner, having just lost her father and this guy goes ‘hey want some superpowers?’

(Interesting but obvious bit here is that Hank says that with his further research, he could give Jan better powers than his own. What with the wings and the Wasp sting and all, yeah its kind of obvious that her powerset was better. Its interesting though considering how insecure Hank would get later.)

It would have taken a lot of emotional maturity from the both of them to keep it from becoming the unbalanced relationship that it did and neither of them were that emotionally mature, I think. Hank doesn’t even like to people.

He also doesn’t like to Ant-Man. Even with a partner, the role makes him ill at ease.

Hank: “No one can truly know the fragility, the vulnerability of life, as I have. It takes a very strong man to shrink to the size of an ant and still feel sure of himself. And I was never that strong.”

And here there’s a nice bit of arc welding.

Back in Avengers #1, Ant-Man is the one that suggests that Ant-Man, Wasp, Hulk, Iron Man, and Thor become a team.

I don’t know what Stan Lee’s original reason for having Ant-Man be the one to say it. It might have just been a flow thing. Ant-Man had just spoken to explain how his ants have trapped Loki in a tank so rather than pivot to a new character, Stan may have had Ant-Man bring it up.

But in this grand recap of all things Hank Pym, Hank explains his motive.

Feeling ill at ease as Ant-Man, feeling unsure of himself from seeing the world at the size of an ant, he had found some strong allies that he didn’t dare to lose.

Interesting dots to connect.

But then Hank went ‘oh no i fucked up.’

Hank: “I soon realized that Ant-Man would constantly be overshadowed by the more powerful teammates -- at least one of whom the Wasp found most attractive!”

It’s Thor. Of course, it’s Thor.

Even though it may have been a ploy to make him jealous, Hank locked himself in the lab to improve his powers.

Of course, we know Hank Pym’s usual string of luck with locking himself into his lab.

So what happens next is incredibly obvious but no less funny. But its so funny that I had to look up whether it was how it was originally portrayed or invented for this extended flashback.

When testing his new growth formula, Hank smashes his own house like a sillier Alice in Wonderland.

And this actually happened in Tales to Astonish #49.

Amazing.

Hank really does have consistent luck with science.

And what makes it funnier is that according to this extended flashback, making himself super-strong and giant didn’t actually make Hank feel like a more valuable member of the team.

He felt clumsy and inept. Not to mention that testing an experimental formula on himself WAS REALLY BAD FOR HIS HEALTH.

And it was Jan realizing what was going on with Hank rather than concern for herself having been shot that made Jan suggest that the two retire from Avengersing (leading to the Kooky Quartet).

But Jan actually really enjoyed being the Wasp and Hank must have felt shitty pulling her away from it because as we know, he eventually ends up back on the team with more limited growth powers and a name change to Goliath.

He actually felt like he was pulling his weight around this time, though, because he was the most experience member of the team.

Of course, its also around this time that he accidentally created Ultron, which is a big whoopsie.

But he made what he considers a worse whoopsie.

Hank: “But even the responsibility for unwittingly unleashing Ultron on the world often paled in comparison to my trouble relationship with Jan. Having come into her full inheritance, she wanted to underwrite my research. I wanted to pay my own way, but I couldn’t find the words to tell her.”

Probably because he was more comfortable with chemicals than people. Open and healthy communication is essential in a relationship but its also difficult.

He also wanted to marry Jan but at the same time felt too unsure of himself to propose.

So Hank did what Hank do and retreated into his lab.

Where he accidentally spilled some chemicals and had another breakdown after getting high on fumes, becoming convinced that he was actually another person entirely.

I don’t know why but the panel of Hank declaring “So, Goliath won’t marry Janet van Dyne, eh? Then, there shall be no more Goliath!” cracks me up.

Anyway, Jan saw right through Yellowjacket and decided to play along and when Hank was shocked back to reality, he discovered he was married.

Which. Uh. Has gotten more scrutiny in the years after it was published. Including this year of 1983.

Hank: “I guess even some psychotic episodes can be beneficial.”

Dr. Edmonds: “Do you think that was the case?”

Hank: “I did then. Now... I’m not so sure. I know I wanted to believe it then. Jan and I were married. The circumstances didn’t seem important.”

After the honeymoon, things begin to sour. Hank tried to stick to small sizes as being better for his health. And he tried to stay away from the Avengers too but Jan wanted them to be Avengers together.

Hank: “I had to keep trying for her, even though my heart wasn’t in it! The pressure got to be too much, my work began to slide. More and more projects were ending in failure.”

He smashed up his lab to lash out at something, out of frustration that he had swallowed his pride to accept Jan’s money and was now wasting it on fruitless projects.

Jan started trying harder and harder to prop up Hank’s ego.

But he was still a walking emotional wreck so when Ultron returned, it didn’t take much to tip him over the edge into another breakdown.

This one came with AMNESIA! Hank though he was Ant-Man ant-again and attacked the Avengers because he didn’t recognize Vision, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, Beast, or even Captain America as being Avengers.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again and again. Ants is best power.

Hank: “It’s almost funny in a way. I took on the Avengers single-handed and nearly beat them! My finest hour as a ‘hero’... and I wasn’t even in my right mind!”

That does sour what is an otherwise pretty impressive stomp. When Spider-Man stomps entire X-Men team, its held up as one of his greatest moments. When Hank does it to the Avengers its like ‘welp there goes another Hank Pym breakdown.’

Iron Man was able to devise a variant of electro-shock therapy which undid the damage Ultron did to Hank’s mind which sure sounds like a thing electro-shock therapy could do.

Hank was getting back into the swing of things as Yellowjacket when Henry Peter Gyrich pulled the rug out from him.

As Henry Peter Gyrich is known to do.

With him as the government liaison, the Avengers were ordered to slim down the roster. And Hank got the boot while Jan was kept on the team.

At first Hank was glad for it because it gave him an excuse to leave the team and go back to his lab work.

Buuuuut as happens when Hank does do that, his lab work became fruitless and frustrating.

And with Jan on the Avengers, he could go days without seeing her. And he felt alone and lost without her.

Its the irony of his life.

Jan convincing Hank to stay on the Avengers isn’t good for him. Him not being on the Avengers while she is, isn’t good for him. And being kept from being on the Avengers isn’t good for her.

A possible compromise might have been to have him working at Avengers Mansion as an on-staff but uncostumed science advisor. But Hank may not have accepted that, what with the pride.

I wonder about it though because Hank will later join the West Coast Avengers in a strictly support capacity for a while.

Anyway, Hank having a bad time in the lab coincided with Captain America reorganizing the roster.

Hank: “I began to think that maybe ‘Avenging’ was all I could do. As Yellowjacket, I pinch-hit for other members whenever possible. And when Captain America invoked executive privilege to further pare the team down to a more workable six members, I jumped back on board. I had such high hopes. The ‘new’ Avengers were practically the original group. This time, I thought I could finally be the kind of man Jan wanted me to be. But I was only fooling myself. By then, I was in no state of mind to be an Avenger!”

Because, yeah. This is the part of the Hank Pym Lore Dump that we hit the Elf-Queen incident.

And then the court-martial.

Hank: “I had to redeem myself somehow! I became desperate! In the hours that followed, I must have cracked completely!”

Enough that building an indestructible kill-bot to kill his friends to make them realize how useful he is seemed like a good idea.

It wasn’t.

The robot kicked the crap out of Hank before he could hit the secret shut-down switch and Jan saved the day by hitting the switch instead.

Hank: “Jan divorced me, threw me out... Not that I blame her! Did you know that I actually struck her on the day of the court-martial?! Lord, I must have been out of my mind! I had compounded one mistake with another, and my whole life collapsed like a house of cards.”

Dr. Edmonds asks if being estranged from his friends and broke was why he tried to steal the federal reserve of adamantium but Hank denies this last bit.

He was played a fool by EGGHEAD!

Hank: “But I’ll tell you this, Edmonds, I won’t play the fool any longer! I’ve learned so much about myself -- the hard way -- in the last few weeks. I’ll have my day in court, and I’ll beat those charges!”

Dr. Edmonds: “I see. And in that way, you think you’ll win back your wife?”

Hank: “No. I thought that was possible once. I don’t any more. I’ve lost her. It hurts, but I’ll just have to accept it. Now, all I want back is my dignity.”

Oof.

I’ve been kind of low-key snarking at Hank for acting like he’d be able to easily win Jan back given what went down but it hurts a little to see him give up on that hope, even if he seems resigned to it.

LATER, Dr. Edmonds returns to his office and calls his SECRET EMPLOYER

Its Tony Stark. Of course its Tony Stark.

We already knew that Tony has been throwing a lot of money at the problem of Hank to assuage his guilty conscience. And that it included making shrinks available.

Dr. Edmonds: “Dr. Pym has been through more than any two men should! He’s suffered at least four nervous breakdowns in the last decade! He has a massive inferiority complex -- but the man is fit to stand trial. Moreover, I don’t think we can swing an insanity plea. Despite his insistence that this Egghead person set him up!”

I wonder if Iron Man was trying to swing an insanity plea. Get the case dismissed. Wouldn’t put it past him!

And honestly. What would you think if you friend had a nervous breakdown, built a kill-bot to kill you, wandered off and disappeared for a while, and re-emerged after heisting a whole bunch of adamantium and claiming that Egghead made him do it?

Dr. Edmonds asks whether it is possible that Egghead was involved since he is a serious psychiatrist man and doesn’t keep up with the superhero biz. But Tony tells him that Egghead died in an explosion in Defenders #42.

Edmonds ponders that may indicate an even deeper delusion, while not suspecting that his pencil has been bugged.

BY EGGHEAD!

Its not a great bug in the sense that it seems to have a bright flashing light. But in the sense of ‘how the hell did you get a bug in a pencil, Egghead?’ its a very great bug.

Egghead, presumably taking a break from his plan to invent eternal youth to get infinite money and then buy the world to save from having to do the Effort of taking it over, hears Dr. Edmonds say “Still, Pym seems convinced he’ll be exonerated, Mr. Stark.”

Egghead: “Ha-ha-ha! Henry always did have faith in the legal system! I suppose I shall have to shatter that faith for him! I knew it was a wise move to let the world think that Egghead is dead! No one searches for a ‘late’ fugitive! Just as no one will suspect who is truly behind Pym’s ultimate disgrace -- when my plans ruin his day in court!”

WOW! You are super petty, Egghead!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I’ve finally caught up with my backlog. And because I’ll never bug a pencil nor even annoy one. Like and reblog too or I’ll bother a pen.

[calypsoff]

Nineteen. Part 2

Robyn fell asleep as soon as we got on the plane, so I just stayed here and listened to Robyn’ new album, I have listened to Stay twice already, I do like that song so much. It’s weird because you can hear the pain in her voice, wonder what hurt her, was it me. I am not sure on when it was recorded but I have listened to it twice. This album is dope though; I will promote of course. Taking a screenshot of the song playing and then going onto Instagram, adding the picture and adding a caption ‘Go buy and stream my baby album, shit bangs! @badgalriri’ pressing send on the post, funny thing is Robyn hasn’t really had the energy to even promote, she is so damn tired. I was so confused earlier that who was posting on her page, but it was Tina, I am so basic at times. It’s odd that Robyn kind of saw what was to come because how did she know that this tour would have been so stressful for her “so how was it? I mean are you happy to be back in USA?” Rorrey crouched down in front of me “uhm, it was entertaining. I just don’t approve how stressed out Robyn has become, it’s a little too much. She changed on me and stuff but yeah, she has so much more to go yet, she needs a day off but I am glad to be back in the USA, shame I couldn’t really see the countries I went too” Rorrey looked over at Robyn and then laughed “you can come on her big tour and see it all, her big tour is not as compact, but it is stressful, but we get breaks in between. Glad you could come out, you’re a good guy. I mean to deal with that” he pointed at Robyn, laughing at him “we shall see, she said we are going to talk once this is over, I would hope though” rubbing the back of my head.

New York seems to be a little hectic, I mean with the new album release, the hype around it is a little crazy. At times I feel like I am Robyn’ bodyguard, just because I want to make sure she is ok. We are walking in the airport to get to the SUV and we have the whole fucking population following and then paparazzi just there flashing, I don’t know how she is even smiling “are you happy riri!? Your new album” one of them shouted “I hope y’all bought my shit first of all” she put her hand up as the flashing became a little unbearable, even for me. Placing my hand on her back as I put my head down walking, the screams and chants of Rihanna. This one woman is causing this shit “move back” suddenly the walking abruptly stopped and it’s like we are being enclosed “what is happening?” Robyn asked, trying to peak over “move out!” from the corner of my eye I see this hand grab onto Robyn and just screamed I love you “get off her bro, the hell” a grown ass man just touching her “I want to move, tell them to move!” Robyn turned to me, we are practically stuck “I don’t feel too good, I really need to go” placing my arm around Robyn, I was about to push people out of the way, but Rich did it for me.

The was terrible, I am glad to be in the SUV. I really hate people being sick, I am gagging but Robyn is vomiting in the back of the SUV, I was going to sit with her but Mel did it. She seems to be in deep talks with Robyn, looking behind me again, they seem to be going back and forth. Mel seems very angry “are you ok?” I asked Mel then I saw Robyn be sick again, turning my head away “could say, I am just beating her back while she is sick” she is really sick, this tour is no good “you think she will be ok for tonight” I don’t think she is “she has got to leave for Cali tomorrow morning, she got the VMA thing” nodding my head “right, Robyn” let me stop being childish “are you sure you will make it for tonight” she shook her head as she sobbed out resting her head on Mel’ shoulder, she is really crying “I feel so bad, I can’t do anything” I hate that she is crying, it is honestly so concerning to see this “Robyn, hey” reaching over and placing my hand on her knee, she placed her hand over mine “I just feel like I am going to start my period” Robyn said through her sobs and Mel shushed her “you want me to do anything? You need a doctor?” she shook her head, this is not good “I really want to take you away from this, you seem in pain” she closed her eyes and cringed in pain.

We arrived at the hotel, finally but Robyn and Mel seem to be attached together, like I can’t even intervene at all “Robyn wants you” Mel said, stuffing my hands in my pockets “is she ok?” I questioned, Mel just shrugged, not sure on if that means yes or no. Walking towards the bedroom, wonder what she is doing in here. She is wrapped up in bed “you good?” I asked “I am in pain, I need to ask you a favour, just you please. Mel can’t do it because she is busy but say yes first, hold my hand first” I am scared, it is going to be something stupid now “I am scared” slowly walking over to Robyn “I know I have been a pain for you but we will get to talk soon but just need you right now” holding onto Robyn’ hand “that was the deal, but what is up?” seems to be something up “I love you so much, I do. I need you to do this without telling anyone, just on your own. Please come back with it” my heart is beating so hard “ok fine, yes. What is it?” Robyn looks so drained “you look white” I spat “thanks but go to Target, it’s close here. And get me pads” confusion hit me “knee pads? What for?” I questioned, I don’t understand “ok, Chris. Women have periods, I am bleeding. You know what a period is?” I laughed “uhm yeah I do” now I am red “so I need you to get me pads, I seem to be very heavy and I can’t use a tampon so please, go to Target and get pads for heavy flow. For me” letting out an oh “oh my god” I breathed out “right, so pads for heavy flow?” she nodded her head “why can’t Tina do it?” I don’t get it “because I want to keep this to me for the moment, I want to just fix myself up so I can perform, please just do it” nodding my head.

This is annoying, I am not even going to start searching that for myself. I will ask for damn help, the fuck do I get for heavy flow, she did say heavy flow, I am sure she said that but let me ask “excuse me, ma’am” I went over to the lady, there was a guy closer but he ain’t about to know shit “yes” she smiled at me “I need pads, like not the pads you think but pads” I am so awkward “period pads?” she just said it out loud “uh yeah, that is for my girlfriend, you know. I am not sure what to get or where to go” laughing nervously “oh it’s fine, follow me” she is laughing at me lowkey, I mean I would laugh at me. I sound dumb as fuck, following behind the lady. I am annoyed I have to come because I don’t get why her assistant couldn’t come, it would have been easier for her, for me. Mel and Robyn seem to be up to something, and Mel seems very annoyed “these are the pads and tampons we have, you sure she didn’t say tampon?” shaking my head “she said pads, heavy flow. I can’t tell you how heavy, but she said that” I shrugged “right, we have with or without wings?” I am so confused “nah, see how the hell do I know this? Ma’am she said heavy flow, that is it. Give me the ones that will be best for her, she will be moving around? Does that help” this lady needs to stop laughing at me “I got you” how is there so many pads, makes no sense to me at all.

What a pain, I made it back with a bag of pads, I ain’t sure how many so I got like two but whatever “pad boy is back” Mel is sat here doing nothing, why the hell did I have to go “why didn’t you go?” I questioned “I got beef with her, she needs those so give them” this is dumb “right” let me just give Robyn this and then complain, I mean I don’t mind it but she has people here too “you get it” Robyn gets worse and worse “you look green” Robyn snorted laughing “be quiet, give me the pads and leave me to it” holding out the bag to her “why? Can I not watch? She asked about wings, I have no idea about that shit so yeah” Robyn giggled as she looked at the packet “this will do, that is perfect. Thank you” stepping back a little “if you are bleeding where are you bleeding now?” I pointed, I mean it’s a genuine concern “do me a favour, can you go into the next room. The hotel room next to this and ask for Tina, tell her I want the thing, she knows” am I errand boy “are you going to start paying me for this?” she shook her head “you can be my nurse, I will get you a nurse’s outfit. Thank you” nodding my head, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Making my way out of the bedroom, Mel is going into the room as I left.

I feel played, Tina doesn’t know shit and said she didn’t ask for nothing “well she said for me to come here and say that but it’s whatever. Is the family in there? Meaning her mom and stuff?” I asked, Tina opened the door “come in, she is” peaking inside, I wasn’t going to go inside but then Monica saw me so I have too, that is rude of me “hi” walking inside “hello, how are you” she got up from the couch “tired thank you” hugging her “where is that daughter of mine” moving back from the hug “she is next door? You not know?” she shook her head frowning “no I don’t, she never said anything. She said see you soon” Robyn is up to something and is making me do stuff to not notice “hi Noella, you getting bigger with the bump, don’t get up” leaning down to her “thank you Chris, and I am close but here I am showing out for my cousin, this is my boyfriend Nik” she introduced me to him “what’s up” dapping him “this is Robyn’ current boyfriend, I am joking with you” side eyeing Noella “I feel like skipping this date on this tour, y’all ever get sick of hearing Robyn sing?” sitting down on the couch “oh yeah, there is only so much Umbrella” see she understands “yeah, I am like we get it you found love in a hopeless place but should be good, she will be singing some of her new shit, I love stay, that shit is dope” Robyn wants to kick me out so I am sitting with her family, they dope anyways “you went on the tour with her?” Noella boyfriend asked “yeah, a little forced. I joke, we had a little disagreement, but I went. I am glad I did, I got to see Robyn in action, I got to see how she works and how she deals with things, she works very hard and I am super proud of her” that is the truth.

Stifling out a yawn listening to my mother on the phone, I thought I would call her while I am doing nothing but waiting around, she is preaching the good word in my ear. She wants god to look over me while I am here, even she knows about the journalist I attacked, it’s dumb “but baby, I want you to remain calm, people are trying to play with your aura, they are trying to get to you so please” nodding my head like she can she “I will mom, I think I will be going back to Texas after this anyways. Robyn I think she is going to California, but I will give that a miss, you know me so yeah. But talk soon, love you” Robyn finally came into the room looking like her normal self “love you too baby” disconnecting the call “you never came back?” Robyn said before hugging her mother, she knows damn well “don’t play in my face, you look normal again? Like yourself?” Robyn chuckled “it’s make up poppa, what else. It’s like nothing ever happened” squinting my eyes at her, she is acting weird as fuck, but I am not going to push her on this, I will keep it to myself for now.

Robyn performing Stay; I feel so happy that she is. Like the first line has got to be about me, I feel it is and it’s a little shameful because it explains me perfectly because I am that but I am here still. Did she record this after seeing me again, got to be. I am watching Robyn from the side of the stage this time. I thought stay close to her, tilting my head to the side bopping my head. She sounds so good, for a person that was on the verge of collapsing, unless she is hiding it. Squinting my eyes, is Robyn crying but she is hiding by putting her head down, wait she is crying. Why is she crying, she has never cried at any other date. Is it New York, did New York make her cry. Her backup singers carried it off as she turned away from the crowd to gather herself, her emotions are everywhere and it’s so bad, I don’t know where I am with her a lot of the times. I want to go on stage and hold her but I guess not, she will gather herself eventually.

Clapping my hands for Robyn, it’s done. This is over, it’s all over and I am so happy for her. She is an emotional wreck, and is crying of course, I wolf whistled and then hugged her “so proud of you, that was hard” pressing a kiss to her cheek “thank you, I am so glad it’s over” I am glad it’s over for her “why don’t you get your friends, and come to the afterparty with them, I will meet you there. You can go and get them now, and just go there with them yeah? I will meet you there” I didn’t even know there was one “I will go with you?” I pointed “I will meet you there, get them before they go. I will see you there ok?” pecking her lips “ok then, I will do that. You will be there right?” I am confused on why I can’t just come with her “I will be, I will text you the address too. I will see you there” I guess I will get them two, we can just eat and hang out and then go to the club. Robyn probably knows she will be forever.

Knocking on the hotel room door, it’s four in the morning. No Robyn, she didn’t come to the afterparty, neither did Mel. Only person that came, I say only but a few other’s but Rorrey came, I asked him where his sister was. He said she left with Mel; Robyn is also ignoring my calls, so I am angry. She is not even in the hotel room, but her shit is there along with her mobile too, knocking on the door again. I don’t care if it’s late, I want to see her mother. She will know where she is, the door unlocked and opened, Noella answered “it’s late?” she is half asleep “where the fuck is Robyn!?” I sound so rude “sorry, where is she? She is ignoring my calls; she has been off all day. I am confused, is it me!?”  Noella looks so confused “I can assure you; I don’t know. I thought she is at the afterparty, you not called her” stating the obvious “her and Mel are missing, is it me? What the hell, someone must know. She is Rihanna, she can’t go missing!?” Noella seems too calm for me “I wouldn’t worry too much Chris; she will be around. Maybe she has gone for a walk, but she can’t have gone far” they are playing me too “you’re lying for her too, damn. All y’all been lying to me, you know where she is. Where her mother at?” Noella sighed out “I promise you I don’t, I just don’t worry about it because she goes for random walks at times” Robyn is literally missing, nobody seems to fucking care and I am pissed.

[fan-doms-imagines]

FRIENDS - Imagine being Chandler’s best friend and being in love with him, but having to watch him date Monica

ahhhh, finally done. sorry this took so long, but it’s done. the ending sucks but i hope you enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

also thank you for the requests i’m going to try and get them all in!!

————

You know what the hardest thing in life is? Watching someone you love love someone else. I know that sounds like something you’d see on pinterest or on a teenage girl’s notebook, but for me...it’s my actual life.

It started when I met some guy at a coffee shop in the Village. It was really busy, so I sat down at the large sofa that was in the center of the shop although a small sign marked the spot reserved but it was Monday so I needed coffee. I had only been there for about three minutes when he walked in.

Chandler Bing has walked in on his own wearing a dark gray suit. He didn’t seem to be paying attention as he sat down in the chair to my left and let out a loud sigh. I furrowed my eye brows at his brash behavior and cleared my throat.

“Oh, uh, sorry I thought you were, well, you wouldn’t know her so...” he trailed off and looked down at coffee table awkwardly. I chuckled at his strange, embarrassed reaction.

“No, it’s quite alright,” I replied and thanked the women who set my coffee down. “Is this a regular place for you to visit.”

“You have no idea,” he joked with a charming smile. “I’m probably here more than at work.”

“Wow, you must really like coffee,” I smiled at him. And that was just the beginning of a very long conversation with the hillarious man. It didn’t take long before we were friends and would go to the coffee shop at the same time every Monday just to see each other.

And after three weeks, I started to realize how much I cared for him. And maybe care isn’t a good word, it’s more like love. I was in love with Chandler Bing after only about a month of knowing him.

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly as our friendship continued to grow...until on trip to London for his best friend Ross’s wedding. I knew he was excited to go, so I got him a small disposable camera so that he could take photos for me. And although he said he hated taking pictures, he would do it for me.

And I was expecting Chandler to come home with the photos and maybe a little London snow globe, but instead he came home with a girlfriend. And it wasn’t some London girl he had meet on the trip, it was Monica. Someone he’s known since he was in college with Ross.

I was the first one he told since he knew he could trust me, but although I was happy for him, the news broke my heart. Chandler wanted to stay as close as we were before he started dating Monica, but I decided to separate myself. You know the classic “need to heal myself before I can talk to you” whole thing.

I could tell Chandler was worried since he was constantly checking up on me and leaving small, cute voice messages on my machine everyday when he was leaving from work. I kept my distance none the less cause seeing their relationship get stronger and stronger only made me jealous. There was only that thought that I should move on, but whenever my friends set me up in a date, I always felt like I was cheating on the one I truly wanted.

So I accepted my fate as a lonely homebody in love with their best friend. And then I got a call from Chandler that made my ears perk.

It was around eight o’clock when I got a call from chan chan. I stood up and grabbed my phone, “hello?”

“Hi,” was all he said for a long minute.

“What’s wrong? You’re acting weird,” I said to him over the phone, sitting down and pulling my robe closed. Chandler remained silent for a while, but then he spewed words like water after a dam broke. I almost couldn’t comprehend everything he was saying, but after a couple of seconds I was finally able to understand. Apparently Chandler had been attempting to throw Monica completely off by saying he never wanted to get married and something at pig sex (I have no idea). But instead of using it to his advantage, it drive Monica right back into Richard’s arms — you know Richard: tall, mustache, almost double Monica’s age, that dude.

So now Chandler was heartbroken and single. I told him that I would be at Joeys in about ten with a bottle of whiskey. He chuckled lightly and said a quick goodbye before we both hung up. I quickly changed into my favorite jeans, that I’ve had since the nineties, and pulled on my large, furry jean jacket. As I began to leave I remembered the whiskey that was on the top shelf of my open cabinet. Then I quickly drove over to Joey’s apartment and knocked on the door roughly.

When the door opened, all I could see was an empty shell of what used to be my best friend. I held up the bottle of whiskey, earning only a small half smile. He opened the door wider and let me in. I set the bottle down and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, pouring us both a good amount of alcohol since we were both going to need it.

Chandler sat down in front of me and we drank in silence for half the bottle. He eventually looked up at me, obviously tipsy and tilted his head. “Why do you think we never...?” He waved his hand sloppily in the air.

“We were too good of friends, I guess,” I replied, scared of the direction this conversation was taking. And being intoxicated and stupid, I added, “it’s not like I haven’t thought of it.”

“Really?” He asked, his ears perking.

“Well before you were with Monica, I don’t know, I just thought there was something...you know, there. I, at least, still feel there is.” I replied, taking another large gulp of the burning alcohol.

“Me too,” he whispered, having it all suddenly hit him. “Oh my god. Y/N, you know that I’ve always had feelings for you. You have always been my first choice. Monica...Monica was my rebound of sorts, although you and I never dated, and it turned from purely physical to security. But you...you were my Everest. I never thought I could be with you. You’re beautiful and smart and so, so kind and funny and so out of my league that I never wanted to lose you or mess things up by asking you out.”

“Oh my god,” I was dumbstruck. My hand gripped the edge of the counter tight as I diverted my eyes from him. “Chandler, I’ve been in love with you for four years. And I’ll be here for you as long as you need me by your side...as a best friend, significant other, or drinking buddy...I don’t care, I just wanna be with you. I know you’re hurting cause you love Monica and she, well, you know. But I’m here to help you through this.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled and grabbed my hand in his warmly. I smiled and gently ran my thumb along his skin.

[oblivi-ace97]

Alright so my post about Why Ross Geller is a Horrible Human Being has been getting a lot of attention lately, so I finally got around to finishing season 2′s list. 

Without further ado...

Reasons Why Ross Geller is a Horrible Human Being

Season 2:

Episode 1: The One with Ross’s New Girlfriend

·       When he is on the phone with Julie they do the whole “you hang up no you hang up” thing. (this isn’t really something that makes Ross horrible but this is annoying as hell)

Episode 2: The One with the Breast Milk

·       Freaked out when Phoebe and Joey drank Carol’s breast milk and when they asked what the big deal was he replied with “but it’s BREAST milk.”

·       Said breast milk is gross

·       Only tried it when he found out that Susan had tasted it

Episode 3: The One Where Heckles Dies

·       He makes a big deal about Phoebe not believing in evolution (like just the way he reacted and would not let it go)

·       Phoebe asks why can’t she believe in one thing and he believe in another and Ross says he can’t (and then Phoebe calls him out on his need for everyone to agree with him and it was great)

·       Literally brings fossils as evidence to show Phoebe that evolution is real (let it go Ross)

Episode 4: The One with Phoebe’s Husband

·       N/A

Episode 5: The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant

·       Ross makes the comment about never thinking about money as an issue.

·       When Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel get uncomfortable with the fact that Ross, Monica, and Chandler bought them all concert tickets he says, “ Could you be less enthused?” and “We’re just trying to do a nice thing here.”

·       “I don’t understand it’s like we can’t win with you guys.” Said when Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey express how they feel about the concert tickets

Episode 6: The One with the Baby on the Bus

·       N/A

Episode 7: The One Where Ross Finds Out

·       When he finds out that Rachel has feelings for him he gets mad at her for telling him

·       He asks her why she told hm now and nor before he met Julie and Rachel tells him that she didn’t realize until he was in China that she had feelings for him

·       Rachel points out that for a year he never said anything to her but he says that Italian guys and her ex-fiancé got in the way (it’s always someone else’s fault isn’t it Ross)

·       Stares at Rachel through the door of the coffee house like a creeper

·       Kisses Rachel when he is in a relationship with Julie and was just telling Rachel how he is happy with Julie

Episode 8: The One with the List

·       Just casually mentions his kiss with Rachel to Joey and Chandler like her doesn’t even care that he kissed a woman who wasn’t his girlfriend

·       Now he is all torn between Rachel and Julie

·       Makes a pros and cons list about Julie and Rachel (what the hell Ross)

·       Says Rachel is spoiled, ditzy, and too into her looks. He also says that Rachel is “just a waitress”

·       Then they only thing he says about Julie is that she’s not Rachel (then why, pray tell, did you start dating her?)

·       It is super awkward when he tells Rachel that he broke up with Julie (for me at least)

·       Tries to hide the list from Rachel

·       When Rachel sees the list and asks Ross what it is he responds with “Okay, just remember how crazy I am about you. Okay?”

·       Aks “is this over yet?” when Rachel is hurt that he said she was just a waitress

·       Climbs up the fire escape to Rachel’s balcony after Rachel wouldn’t buzz him in

·       “I know how you must feel.” Shut the fuck up Ross

·       “I want to be with you in spite of all those things” who Ross you really know how to woo a girl

·       “You know if this was the other way around, there is nothing that you could put on a list that could ever make me not want to be with you.” That is complete bullshit and you know it Ross

·       Gets a radio station to dedicate a song to Rachel “The next one’s dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel he wants you to know he’s deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes that you can find it in your heart to forgive him.” Dude that’s not gonna work you need to actually talk with her and acknowledge that what you did was a dick move. (shout out to radio host for stopping the song once Rachel called and told them what happened)

Episode 9: The One with Phoebe’s Dad

·       Seems annoyed that Rachel is still upset about the list

·       Pushes Rachel to make a list about him so she finally lists off some cons about him and he is hurt about the things she said

·       He continues to obsess over the things Rachel said (one of the things she said was that he is obsessive)

Episode 10: The One with Russ

·       This has nothing to do with Ross specifically, but in this episode Monica is dating “Fun Bobby” and they all realize that he has a drinking problem so Monica talks to him about it and he decides to stop drinking. So obviously he is going through withdrawal and there was probably a reason, like depression or anxiety or something, that caused him to start drinking in the first place and Monica and the others start complaining that he is boring now.

·       When Ross meets Russ (okay the plot of this episode was so stupid) he doesn’t like him solely because Russ is Rachel’s date

·       “I didn’t know we were seeing other people.” Oh my god Ross you were never seeing each other

·       Starts telling Rachel about a woman who works at the museum who likes him and he has been “keeping her at bay”

·       Is mad that Rachel is dating someone

Episode 11: The One with the Lesbian Wedding

·       Is clearly uncomfortable that Carol and Susan are getting married “as in I now pronounce you wife and wife?”

·       “I don’t get it. They already live together. Why do they need to get married?” shut the fuck up Ross

·       I will give him this, it is his ex’s wedding and he doesn’t have to be there if he feels weird going but deep down you know he is more uncomfortable with the fact that his ex-wife is marrying a woman.

·       Ross walks Carol down the aisle (like I kind of get it since Carol’s parents said they wouldn’t go to the wedding and Ross had agreed to go because of that but I still think it’s a little weird) when they get to the end of the aisle and Carol tries to go to Susan, Ross holds her back

·       I will give him this, when Carol told him that the wedding might be off because she was upset about her parents not coming he said that he agreed with Susan that they shouldn’t cancel the wedding because their wedding is for them not her parents. Susan thanked him at the end of the episode and they danced together (probably the only genuinely kind moment between Ross and Susan)

Episode 12: The One After the Super Bowl: Part 1

·       When the zookeeper tells Ross to meet him in the nocturnal house, Ross responds with, “Hey look I don’t really enjoy being with other men that way.” Why is that the first thing that pops in your head Ross?

Episode 13: The One After the Super Bowl: Part 2

·       Ross and Joey make fun of Chandler when his date left him in the bathroom in nothing but her underwear. They even look over the stalls so they can see him.

·       They also refused to give him any of their clothes so he could leave.

Episode 14: The One with the Prom Video

·       Ross takes a message for Rachel but when he finds out it’s from a guy who might want to ask her out he hides the message in a cabinet

·       Talks about how he and Rachel were so close to getting together but he doesn’t understand what happened. Ross you hurt her with that stupid pros and cons list that’s what happened.

·       Ross and Monica make fun of the bracelet thing Joey gave Chandler.

·       He is once again getting all possessive of Rachel

·       Drives the guy Rachel was talking to away by saying he was responding to her ad and they had a date

·       After the guy leaves Ross says “you’re welcome” to Rachel, and says he was “saving her”

·       Rachel tells him, “We are never gonna happen okay, accept that.” And Ross says “Except that what?” he knows what she said he is just being an ass

·       The whole thing when he was gonna take Rachel to the prom is kind of creepy since he was in college at the time.

Episode 15: The One Where Ross and Rachel…You Know

·       Rachel is obviously nervous about being intimate and he doesn’t seem to care and he gets annoyed that Rachel keeps laughing

·       “The moment’s gone.” You know what Ross this is kind of a big step for the two for you and Rachel has a right to be nervous and you easily could have gotten back into the mood but you are just being an ass

·       Quick little off topic thing – anyone else creeped out by Monica and Richard’s relationship? I always thought it was creepy.

·       When Ross hears Monica has a date he keeps asking her who with even though she has told him no one (ok I know I just mentioned that I don’t like Monica and Richard’s relationship but like come on Ross respect your sister’s privacy)

·       I would just like to point out that Rachel is very understanding when Ross has to go to the museum to fix a display or whatever (keep this in mind for later)

·       How did Ross not get fired for having sex in the museum?

Episode 16: The One Where Joey Moves Out

·       Of course Ross is one of those people who hates tattoos.

·       He asks Phoebe all the cliché questions like “Why would you want to do that?” “Why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life?” “What if it doesn’t come out right?”

·       Thank god for Phoebe and her telling Rachel that Ross isn’t the boss of her.

·       Ross you do not own Rachel’s body and she is allowed to get a tattoo is she wants. I get so mad at the way he asks her “You got a tattoo?” he sounds like he’s about to reprimand her.

·       Then he pulls a complete 180 and is totally on board because he thinks the tattoo is sexy. I can’t with him.

Episode 17: The One Where Eddie Moves In

·       Rachel had accidently dropped a slice of apple pie in someone’s hood and when they were leaving she asked Ross to get the pie out of the hood. He acted like a mentally ill patient so they guy wouldn’t think it was weird.

·       Ross takes forever in Monica and Rachel’s bathroom. I get it Ross you spent the night there so you’re going to get ready there the following morning but respect the other people who live in the apartment.

·       Mocks Monica with an irritating voice when she asks him if he cleaned his hair out of the drain.

·       Monica was taking a nap and Ross was talking loudly on the phone.

·       Monica got a call from someone while Ross was using the phone (for nothing important) and tells the person that Monica is there but to call back later. He didn’t even right down a number so Monica could call her back.

·       Monica gets another call from her mother and Ross tells her it’s Richard so she ends up embarrassing herself.

·       He and Monica are acting like children fighting over the TV.

Episode 18: The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies

·       Asks Rachel how many guys she’s been with and when she mentions Paulo he calls him a “Weenie”

·       When Rachel tells him that she’s so much happier with him than she was with Paulo because she and Paulo didn’t have a relationship it was just meaningless animal sex Ross gets upset

·       Ross, Rachel is with you calm down

Episode 19: The One Where Eddie Won’t Go

·       Rachel read a self-help book (or something like that) and when she tells Ross that he’s stealing her wind which he seems annoyed by.

·       “How do expect me to grow if you don’t let me blow?” Ross thinks she is talking about giving him a blowjob and he tells her that he doesn’t have a problem with that.

Episode 20: The One Where Old Yeller Dies

·       Ross has Ben for the weekend and Carol and Susan have gone away. Ross is trying to get Ben to say “Dada” but he hasn’t, Ross says he is going to tell Carol and Susan that he did say it because Ross is that petty.

·       So Rachel gets freaked out when Ross mentions that he thinks about their future together (like he had planned out how many kids they are going to have and where they’re going to live) and she tells him that right now she likes not knowing what the future has in store and that he needs to respect that. He then tells her that she needs to respect that he isn’t going to stop planning their future. So basically, he just said I know you asked me to stop but I’m not going to.

Episode 21: The One with the Bullies

·       When the bullies are trying to take the couch in the coffee shop for the second time, Ross, in a very whiny and irritating voice, tells on them to Gunther. I just found this super annoying.

·       “How long does a cup of coffee take?” Ross and Chandler are trying to rush through their coffee break so they don’t have to see the bullies and they are rushing their poor waitress.

Episode 22: The One with the Two Parties

·       I may be reading too much into this but when Chandler was giving Rachel a comforting hug after talking about how she’s upset about her parents getting divorced, Ross comes out into the hallway and he gives Chandler a look.

Episode 23: The One with the Chicken Pox

·       Just dumps Rachel on the couch and says he’ll met her upstairs because she has closing duties to do at the coffee shop before she can leave with him

Episode 24: The One with Barry and Mindy’s Wedding

·       When Joey tells the group that he is up for a role where he has to kiss a guy, Ross says, “You’re an actor just suck it up and do it.”

·       At Barry and Mindy’s reception, why is Ross sitting with Rachel at the head table? He isn’t part of the wedding party.

·       Rachel asked Ross not to give a speech and he does it anyway and it just made things worse.

In season 2, we start to see Ross’s possessive side (it just gets worse as the series goes on). But this season is mostly just him being a complete asshat.

[best-enemies]

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo 

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that  @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3