#and hell i want to actually understand why some of it is Bad (for lack of a better word) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

artsekey · 2 months

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I'd been seeing videos on Tiktok and Youtube about how younger Gen Z & Gen Alpha were demonstrating low computer literacy & below benchmark reading & writing skills, but-- like with many things on the internet-- I assumed most of what I read and watched was exaggerated. Hell, even if things were as bad as people were saying, it would be at least ~5 years before I started seeing the problem in higher education.

I was very wrong.

Of the many applications I've read this application season, only %6 percent demonstrated would I would consider a college-level mastery of language & grammar. The students writing these applications have been enrolled in university for at least two years, and have taken all fundamental courses. This means they've had classes dedicated to reading, writing, and literature analysis, and yet!

There are sentences I have to read over and over again to discern intent. Circular arguments that offer no actual substance. Errors in spelling and capitalization that spellcheck should've flagged.

At a glance, it's easy to trace this issue back to two things:

The state of education in the United States is abhorrent. Instructors are not paid enough, so schools-- particularly public schools-- take whatever instructors they can find.

COVID. The two year long gap in education, especially in high school, left many students struggling to keep up.

But I think there's a third culprit-- something I mentioned earlier in this post. A lack of computer literacy.

This subject has been covered extensively by multiple news outlets like the Washington Post and Raconteur, but as someone seeing it firsthand I wanted to add my voice to the rising chorus of concerned educators begging you to pay attention.

As the interface we use to engage with technology becomes more user friendly, the knowledge we need to access our files, photos, programs, & data becomes less and less important. Why do I need to know about directories if I can search my files in Windows (are you searching in Windows? Are you sure? Do you know what that bar you're typing into is part of? Where it's looking)? Maybe you don't have any files on your computer at all-- maybe they're on the cloud through OneDrive, or backed up through Google. Some of you reading this may know exactly where and how your files are stored. Many of you probably don't, and that's okay. For most people, being able to access a file in as short a time as possible is what they prioritize.

The problem is, when you as a consumer are only using a tool, you are intrinsically limited by the functions that tool is advertised to have. Worse yet, when the tool fails or is insufficient for what you need, you have no way of working outside of that tool. You'll need to consult an expert, which is usually expensive.

When you as a consumer understand a tool, your options are limitless. You can break it apart and put it back together in just the way you like, or you can identify what parts of the tool you need and search for more accessible or affordable options that focus more on your specific use-case.

The problem-- and to be clear, I do not blame Gen Z & Gen Alpha for what I'm about to outline-- is that this user-friendly interface has fostered a culture that no longer troubleshoots. If something on the computer doesn't work well, it's the computer's fault. It's UI should be more intuitive, and it it's not operating as expected, it's broken. What I'm seeing more and more of is that if something's broken, students stop there. They believe there's nothing they can do. They don't actively seek out solutions, they don't take to Google, they don't hop on Reddit to ask around; they just... stop. The gap in knowledge between where they stand and where they need to be to begin troubleshooting seems to wide and inaccessible (because the fundamental structure of files/directories is unknown to many) that they don't begin.

This isn't demonstrative of a lack of critical thinking, but without the drive to troubleshoot the number of opportunities to develop those critical thinking skills are greatly diminished. How do you communicate an issue to someone online? How do look for specific information? How do you determine whether that information is specifically helpful to you? If it isn't, what part of it is? This process fosters so many skills that I believe are at least partially linked to the ability to read and write effectively, and for so many of my students it feels like a complete non-starter.

We need basic computer classes back in schools. We need typing classes, we need digital media classes, we need classes that talk about computers outside of learning to code. Students need every opportunity to develop critical thinking skills and the ability to self-reflect & self correct, and in an age of misinformation & portable technology, it's more important now than ever.

#computers #pc #digital #rant #something something planned obsolescence

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getvalentined · 18 days

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I understand people giving Lucrecia the benefit of the doubt with regard to what she did to Vincent, just like I understand people not realizing how undeniably fucked up Gast was, but the important thing to keep in mind about these characters is that the majority of them are written as being in the throes of some pretty extreme cognitive dissonance.

It's not bad writing, it's that they're hypocrites. They reached a moral event horizon at some point, and they did what they felt they had to do when crossing it.

Gast abandoned a child because he wasn't what he wanted—even having raised Sephiroth up until that point and knowing that he was a pretty normal kid overall, as we can see from his behavior as a young teen in Ever Crisis, Gast still couldn't bear to continue to be responsible for a monster. He knew what Hojo was capable of, because he knew about what happened to Vincent, because it happened in his lab, and he left a literal child in his care anyway. Sephiroth's only crime was not being what Gast thought he was, and Gast damned him to a lifetime of torture under a "father" whose only goal was to use him to prove his own genius. Why? Because Gast had a goal, and the goal was what mattered, the ends justified any means he could devise. He was a man obsessed, driven to the verge of madness in his lust for the Promised Land. A religious zealot with the most powerful scientific team in the world at his disposal, ready to prove him right—and then he wasn't right, and the whole world fell apart underneath him. Ifalna gave him back that stability, because she was a real Ancient, and she gave him a new, better child to care for. A child that wasn't a monster, a child that was his, a child that might one day lead him to the Promised Land, if her mother didn't do so first. When Aerith was born, Gast got to be right again, and therefore all was right with the world. Sephiroth (like Genesis before him) may as well have never existed at all.

Lucrecia openly experimented on a man who loved her enough to die for her, going so far as to apparently use data from those experiments to improve her own academic standing, because she couldn't bear the guilt of being responsible for his death. It wasn't about whether it was the right thing to do, it wasn't about whether she loved him back, it wasn't even about her thesis at that point—she just couldn't continue to live having lost everything as a result of her own impatience, her own lack of regard for everyone around her. She killed her mentor through her own impatience, she gave up her son for experimentation, she didn't stop her husband from experimenting on her ex-lover, and she had nothing to show for it but crippling Jenova toxicosis and an equally crippling cowl of regret.

I could even go into Hojo here, how what he did to Sephiroth was a result of struggling to escape Gast's shadow, how what he did to Vincent was a result of him struggling to prove that he deserved his wife, how everything he did was born from the all-consuming need to do just one thing for which no one else could take credit. Hojo got the director position not because he earned it, but because Gast ran away. Hojo got Lucrecia not because he wooed her, but because he didn't have eyes like the unrequited first love that she killed. Hell, Project S only happened because Project G failed! Nothing Hojo has ever had that was worth anything was because of his work, only because the work of others failed. Why do you think he talks about "failures" the way he does? The failure of others is the only reason he's gotten so far, and he knows that any failure of his own will knock him right off that pedestal—and he's terrified.

None of these people are good people. I don't know that any of them ever were. But in their eyes, everything they did was justified, they took the right course of action, because they took the only course of action that their personal understanding of reality would allow them to take.

Were any of them actually right? Probably not. Certainly not, in some cases. But there's no going back on it now. The arrow has left the bow of the goddess, and there's no calling it back.

#fandom ramble #lucrecia crescent #professor hojo #professor gast #gast faremis #final fantasy vii #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #not even getting into the project g crew #mostly because I did a whole ramble on gillian a while back #and I'm not prepared to do a character analysis of hollander #who is possibly more messed up than hojo #for different reasons #but hoooooo boy #he's also dumber than hojo tho #which is his problem #if he were a little smarter #we'd be doomed

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6esiree · 11 days

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Hazbin Hotel x GN! Reader Who Makes a Group Chat

Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory, but basically the reader, who is Gen Z, makes a group chat for everybody in the hotel. I used that episode where they’re doing trust exercises (but I changed it to bonding to be more fitting). I also accidentally made it a little bit of Husk x Reader…but I guess it’s mostly implied?

Warnings: Uhh, swearing.

—————

Bonding—one of the most difficult obstacles Charlie had yet to overcome. While she got along with everybody just fine, trusting them from the moment they set foot in the Hazbin Hotel, nobody else could seem to do the same, especially as their personalities constantly clashed with each other.

When it came to you, well, you were actually a pleasant person to be around with. If anybody had anything bad to say about you, it would probably be the way you acted, which was rather…different than what they were accustomed to. I mean, you were one of the newest and youngest residents in the hotel, having just died a few months ago at the whopping age of 21. Could they really blame you?

Exhibit A:

“Gay son or thot daughter?” You asked Husk after finishing your second cocktail, innocently swinging your legs back and forth as you anticipated his response.

“Alright, I think you’ve had enough, dollface,” Husk said, withdrawing the paw that held the cocktail he had just whipped up for you, leaving you pouting.

Exhibit B:

“Iron deficiency gang stand up,” You said as you quickly got up from the couch, your knees instantly buckling underneath you. “Oh SHIT!”

“Fucking hell!” Angel Dust screeched, catching you before your face could meet the ground.

Exhibit C:

“Sometimes I fill the room with negative energy because I don’t want to be there,” You said as you stood next to Alastor, trying to get along with the smiling man.

“Alright, I’m off to Cannibal Town! I believe Rosie needed something,” Alastor quickly announced before walking out.

Yeah, you were definitely something else, but that’s exactly why Charlie liked you. Even though she and the rest struggled to understand your humor or some of the things you said in general, it was nice to have you around.

So, when it came to overcoming the lack of bonding among the Hazbin Hotel’s residents, the Princess of Hell turned to you, especially after Angel Dust decided to bring all of you to try out bondage…of all the fucking things.

“Hey, Y/N—Oh, oh my goodness,” Charlie winced as a sinner approached her, trying to entice her by dangling some fuzzy handcuffs in front of her face. “No thank you! Sorry. Anyway, uh, I was wondering if you had any ideas to bring everyone together? Something less…like this?”

You stood in front of Husk, who had sought refuge behind you after Niffty appeared next to him with a whip in her hand, excited to punish some “bad boys.” Not like you could do much to conceal him, especially considering that you were about Vaggie’s height, but the little demon did avoid you after you took pity on a roach and threw it out the hotel, sparing it from her wrath.

“Really? Oh, shit! Okay, um, let me think for a moment,” You said, happy that she had asked you to suggest something, “Errr, you know what always helped me get closer to people? A group chat. I know it sounds kind of stupid, but like, I think it would be a nice way for us to slowly get to know each other!”

“Oh, yes! Okay, sure, we can try that out!” Charlie gasped, clasping her hands together, but then she frowned, “Wait, what about Alastor? He won’t be able to participate since he doesn’t use a phone.”

“Doesn’t seem like a problem to me,” Husk spoke up, obviously content with the idea of the Radio Demon being absent from one thing in his life.

“I mean, he’s not even here right now,” You shrugged, agreeing with Husk, who shot you a thankful smile, “I’m pretty sure he’d say no anyway.”

Charlie sighed, but you were right. Alastor avoided technology like the plague, especially Voxtech. He wouldn’t be able to join a group chat even if he had a flip phone—which he definitely didn’t.

“I guess you have a point,” Charlie said, already starting towards the exit of this place, “Alright, let’s get out of here. Come on!”

“Booooo! You guys are boring,” Angel Dust said, dragging Niffty with him, who was the only one sad about leaving. “Except for Niffty, of course. She gets it.”

Back at the hotel, all of you sat in the parlor, exchanging phone numbers with each other. Creating a group chat was supposed to be a simple task, but for some damn reason, y’all were struggling. Sir Pentious forgot his phone number, so you had to help him out with that, and Niffty kept getting side-tracked every time a roach appeared before she could take out her phone.

Everyone else did just fine, thankfully, Husk even handing you his phone to avoid the hassle—which was on light mode (gross). Anyway, big mistake on his part because you decided to take 0.5 photos of yourself when he wasn’t looking, setting one as his lock screen. You tried not to laugh as you handed the cat-demon his phone back, leaving it unlocked so he wouldn’t notice right away.

“Okay, soooo, there! Done,” You said, successfully adding everybody to a group chat on SMS.

“Who said hello? I cannot tell,” Sir Pentious asked as soon as you sent a message.

“Damnit, Pentious. Hand me your phone again,” You said, getting up and taking a seat next to the serpent so you could show him how to name each of his contacts.

“Look, if you tap here then go to info, you’ll be able to name your contacts,” You demonstrated, Pentious staring at you blankly, “But I guess I’ll do it myself, just to be quicker.”

After that, everything was good. The only one who doubted a group chat would work was Vaggie, but as the days passed by, she realized it was much easier to communicate that way. Charlie was having a blast, reacting to every message that was sent with a heart, Pentious used emojis like the precious little man he was, Angel usually sent links from Sinstagram and Envee that he found funny, Husk responded sometimes, but with the most dry texts known to mankind, and Niffty, well, she forgot there was a group chat. Whenever she was reminded of its existence, however, she just sent pictures of the bugs she killed. You always reacted with a sad face.

“Can you stop saying “Congratulations” and “Happy Birthday”,” Vaggie announced as she descended the stairs alongside Charlie, looking at you specifically.

“Why are you glaring at me? I’m not the one spamming it!” You said, turning around to see Angel snickering on the couch, confetti and balloons popping up every time any one of you opened the group chat.

“Yeah, but you taught him how to do it!” Vaggie grumbled.

“Come on, Vaggie, it’s not their fault,” Charlie said, looking at you apologetically before disappearing to the kitchen to get breakfast.

“See? Charlie said I’m not at fault,” You said, but she didn’t back down.

“Uh-huh.”

“For real, though, I didn’t think he’d abuse it. Would you have, Husk?” You turned to the cat-demon in hopes that he would defend you too.

“I ain’t helping you until you show me how to change my lock screen,” Husk grunted, his phone lighting up every time Angel sent a new message, the 0.5 photo of your face popping up.

“Okay, then! That’s fine,” You shrugged, Husk rolling his eyes in response. “I can take care of myself.”

“If you really wanted to change it, you would have searched it up,” Angel said from the parlor, setting down his phone much to Vaggie’s delight. “Just admit you like looking at their face, kitty.”

Husk growled, the bottle of cheap booze in his hand slightly cracking in his grip. Vaggie couldn’t be bothered to intervene, disappearing to the kitchen as well.

“Call me kitty one more time and I’ll jam this bottle down your throat,” Husk threatened, but Angel only laughed in response.

“Sure, whatever,” Angel said, shooting you two a wink as he got up from the couch and stretched, looking down at his phone as it vibrated, “I’d argue with ya more on that, but Val’s calling. Maybe we can continue this conversation after work.”

“Hey! Well, apparently you like looking at me too, because your lock screen has been my face all along,” You said with a mischievous smile.

“Yeah, I would have noticed—” Angel said as he looked down at his phone, turning it off and on, “Wait, what the fuck? How—WHEN DID YOU DO THIS?”

“I have my ways,” You shrugged, Husk chuckling as Angel stormed out of the hotel mumbling in disbelief, fixing to change his lock screen.

There was a moment of silence shared between the two of you when the front doors of the Hazbin Hotel closed behind the spider, the only sound bouncing off the walls being the clanging of plates and utensils in the kitchen. You had already eaten earlier, so you stayed at the bar, enjoying the cat-demon’s presence.

“You’re something else, y’know,” Husk suddenly said, looking at you as he languidly sipped at his drink.

“I know,” You laughed, reaching for his phone, “Here, let me change your lock screen for you.”

A paw landed on your hand, catching you off guard. You looked up at Husk, wondering why he had stopped you.

“If I wanted to change it, I would have,” Husk said, his claws lightly dragging along your skin as he withdrew his phone from your grasp. “I ain’t stupid.”

Oh, man. Your face was suddenly hot.

“I, uh, I didn’t think—” You started, Husk quirking a brow at you. “You know what? Shut up!”

“You alright, dollface?” Husk asked.

His tail swished back and forth behind him, causing small drafts of wind to caress your ankles. Husk was obviously amused by how easily he had flustered you—the slick fuck. No longer wanting to satisfy him, you decided to be your usual self.

“Yes, I’m alright! But are you?” You shot back, Husk blinking in confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Clearly you’re not because your phone is on light mode,” You continued, “That’s absolutely disgusting.”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #husk x reader #hazbin hotel husk #angel dust #charlie morningstar #vaggie #sir pentious #niffty #alastor #alastor the radio demon #radio #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel sir pentious #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel niffty

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perenial · 9 months

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gene im so glad you said this cause I haven't seen anyone else comparing it to the book as source material for like character and tone but i am So sure that if terry was alive the season would not be like this but i fear good omens fans dont realise how big a factor the lack of terry's influence is?? or like they forget that good omens was never just neilman???

ok before i go any further: i rly don't want to detract from anyone's enjoyment of the season and everything im going to say comes from a place of love for a) the original novel (& season 1 to a certain extent bc it got me back into it lol) and b) tv as a medium so like peace and love on planet let people enjoy things etc etc

but

like u said, terry's influence on the book was enormous – what makes gomens gomens is the balance of his genuine warmth and precise understanding of humanity tempered with neilman's sardonic voice and general like.....savvy approach to storytelling? i guess u could call it? anyway what rly helps the book is that it took them years to write it, passing ideas back and forth and rewriting each other's work until their voices blended seamlessly and a well structured capital-s Story was created. when i praise the book for being self-contained i think a huge part of that comes from the circumstances in which it emerged: two authors with complementary styles writing in a v particular time period where they had both the space to play with their ideas and the constraints of the novel as a storytelling format from which to craft something extremely specific.

adaptations are a tricky business and a tv version of gomens produced literal decades after the book was always going to have some unique challenges, but i don't think that's a bad thing bc the challenges could prove to be creative opportunities to take both the established audience and those new to the story by surprise. my biggest hot take here is that i don't think translating a story into a different medium means it has to follow the original narrative exactly, bc each medium has its own ways of communicating information and these structures, rules and traditions in turn inform what that story is. what matters more than following a story beat-by-beat is capturing what that story is about at its core, what themes and messages and ideas it works through and how.

all this is to say i never expected tv gomens to be a perfect reproduction of the book and if it had it been, it probably would have been worse off for it. that being said, there are parts of the book – like u said, its tone and character – that needed to have some fidelity in order to pull it off, and for the most part s1 did that bc it was still working predominantly within the bounds of the novel & its core ideas. while i did have some issues w how neilman & amazon adapted some details and characterisations, i generally rly liked s1 – it reminded me of why i loved the book and it was just generally fun to watch.

s2 was. not that fun to watch

a few positives before i go ham w the critiques:

the hair & makeup + costumes were fantastic (although i feel like s1 was slightly better re: makeup?)

the sound design & score made some of the more awkward scenes bearable and thats no mean feat imo

david & michael gave incredible performances w what they were given – michael especially managed to salvage aziraphale enough that his complete 180 didnt feel completely tonally dissonant (more on this later)

the detail of the sets is NUTS and i genuinely want to see more of hell bc of how intricate and fun the props look

i actually like gabriel/beelzebub!! their getting together montage worked for me, although they could have spent sliiiightly more time establishing what it is they like abt each other so much + why gabriel wanted to stop armageddon 2.0 so suddenly

the opening scene, although not on par w the novel's & s1's, was visually gorgeous and thematically resonant (although neilman owes me royalties for ripping it off from this shitty fic i wrote back when raphael!crowley was all the rage lol)

now w THAT being said:

like i said yesterday, the pacing was fucking awful. flashbacks are hard to work w at the best of times and the way they were used in this season felt so needless, especially the 40s one in ep 4 that takes up like 90% of the episode. in both flashbacks + present day there were scenes that dragged for no real reason, dialogue that looped back around on itself to stretch out the runtime, and weirdly enough places where there should have been character & plot work where there just,, wasn't any?? for example, maggie & nina's night locked in the café – some parts of the dialogue in later episodes made out that they'd had some rly deep conversation abt how they feel about each other or even that they'd had an affair, but that isn't clear from those scenes in the café. i'm not saying we had to see that conversation in its entirety but that there needed to be more connective details – either in dialogue or direction – that gave that part of the story coherence.

(there were pacing issues w the editing too but i don't want to jump down the editor's throats on this one bc im more focused on writing & direction issues)

the second major problem that i mentioned in my tags yesterday is the protagonist shift, which is an issue that started in s1. aziraphale & crowley are side characters in book gomens – significant ones, yeah, but still somewhat peripheral to adam (& anathema who counts as a deuteragonist imo). this works incredibly well w who they are as characters: they're Just Some Guys who happen to be involved in this epic biblical-level bureaucratic nightmare and importantly, they don't want to be in the spotlight. the arrangement was created so that they could explore what it meant to be themselves away from the Big Narrative; literally any time they get involved in larger affairs is bc the plot is alive and caught them unionising on company time. the last fucking chapter is adam (& god) being like haha u guys are alright keep it sleezy and letting them go. like. hello. neil u let them go.

but then!! tv gomens s1 does something interesting at the end w the body swapping addition that i dont totally hate – it gives aziraphale & crowley the extra bit of character work that brings them slightly more adjacent to their book selves. see i kinda view tv a/c as the younger, less settled versions of book a/c; they're still caught up in the immediacy of being key players and haven't fully realised that earth is their home. i haven't watched s1 in a while but one scene i remember rly clearly is crowley throwing all those astronomy texts in the air and angsting abt when he was an angel; i remember it bc his anguish in that scene feels a lot newer and rawer than book crowley's feelings about falling. when tv a/c do their bodyswap, it gives them the chance to land a blow against heaven/hell in a way that solidifies their allegiance to earth in a way that more closely resembles what book a/c have been abt the entire time (still adjacent, though. not parallel).

the reason why this works is that it does one final pivot to orient aziraphale and crowley as almost-main characters in a manner that makes sense in relation to a) their book selves and b) the position the tv show has placed them in. a combination of factors made tv a/c feel a lot less mature than their book counterparts but at the end of s1 they're sort of facing the same direction the book ended in, albeit through their own flashy late 2010s means.

when s2 was announced i was.......apprehensive bc to me, that felt like a satisfactory ending. i get the impression that amazon saw how wildly successful the adaptation was and was like oh shit we could make way more money out of this and neilman, having all those undead darlings that he and terry killed in the process of whittling the book into a workable novel, jumped at the chance to resurrect all those half-realised ideas. but not only were those ideas probably discarded for a reason, they've either been laying in wait for years unworked or they're new inventions, which means they weren't molded in the way that the book had been. like i said before, book gomens underwent years of rewrites and creative collaboration, and i think that process was what made it so good; s2 didn't have that. even if some of terry's ideas made it into s2, his influence is still missing bc he and neilman weren't in dialogue the same way they were in the book (and in some ways s1 bc i know terry was involved in the process of adapting gomens to screen before his death).

i don't think it's a case of newer fans forgetting terry so much as it is the context of terry's involvement being so removed from the current circumstances that certain aspects & discourses (i.e. is the s2 finale queerbaiting (no), does binge watching change the viewership experience (yes), etc etc) about the show overshadow other discussions that would usually be taking place. and before anyone says it's a case of neilman forgetting terry, i definitely don't think it's that either bc thats. yknow. wildly disrespectful. but also there are larger systems and structures at play than one writer no matter how much beef i have w him and his decisions, bc ultimately he's just one guy (a powerful and wealthy guy, but just a guy) and there's a wider cultural shift happening rn towards rehashing old stories without understanding what made them successful in the first place, and that same culture just doesn't allow for much, if any, constructive discourse analysis

so yeah

#replies.txt #Anonymous #god this is so long and rambling i hope it makes sense lmaooo #i have further thoughts on the general fic-y feeling of the season but that wasnt rly anon's question so i'll save that for another time #good omens #good omens spoilers

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bunglestraydogs · 11 months

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Nobody but Oda and Atsushi really care for Dazai.

Before ANYONE starts coming after me viciously and saying that obviously it's not just them that care for Dazai, I know. I'm not saying nobody else cares. I'm just saying that these two cared the most and are genuinely worried for him. Well, were. RIP Oda. <3

Let me explain why.

We all are very much aware of the jumpscare we got in BSD Wan, right? Where we thought it was all cute and happy, and BAM we get fucking shot in the chest by Dazai's "When I go, I hope to go out just as beautifully."

HELLO? This was not okay. Usually, when we hear Dazai talking about suicide (save for Fifteen and The Dark Era) he's pretty whimsical about it, not ever really serious. Yet, here, we see just how serious he is. Atsushi does think he's half-joking at first, before he looks towards Dazai and just sees this dead, dull look in his eyes whilst he smiles at the sky. Atsushi is rattled by this, and genuinely distressed. Fuck me, I sobbed when I first watched this scene, I was not expecting the wholeass 180. Anyways, we see how upset Atsushi is by this statement. "Please don't say stuff like that, even as a joke." We still get zero reaction from Dazai. Nothing. Here, we see him without his usual comic relief mask, but he's still guarding himself.

Let me get into why I think.

Dazai has not had anyone genuinely care about him at any point in his life (excluding before he was 14, fuck knows what happened there) so far. Mori, who was essentially a really twisted and fucked up father figure, didn't care about his wellbeing much, except for the fact that he stopped him committing suicide multiple times for the first year that he knew him. Not out of the kindness of his heart, but due to the fact that Dazai was still a necessary pawn in Mori's plans, and he couldn't let him die yet. It literally says so in the Fifteen LN.

Chuuya cares about him to some extent. When Dazai gets wounded (and it's not inflicted by Chuuya) he gets worried and concerned. Prime example being during their fight with Lovecraft, when Dazai gets fucking slapped against a tree. Chuuya punches Lovecraft with a "heavy fist" and then immediately runs over to Dazai, making sure he's okay. When Dazai eventually looks up, Chuuya becomes shaken at how bad his wound is. Then, the next time that Dazai gets slapped again, Chuuya is very very shaken, as Dazai starts spouting off about how he's going to die, and his final words. Chuuya is clearly rattled, and is trying to get him to shut up, asking him what the hell he means. Then, obviously, Dazai is messing, and Chuuya grows anger. Despite Chuuya's hatred for Dazai, he is clearly concerned where his partner's wellbeing is involved. The first time they meet, Chuuya is once again shaken by Dazai when he says to "kill him now then", and is taken aback. Through the years, however, Chuuya becomes desensitised to Dazai's suicidal antics, and he even teases him when they reunite, asking him if he still wants to kill himself, then grows disappointed when Dazai outright admits to it.

Kunikida is of course concerned about his partner, but is also exasperated and annoyed by him. When Dazai goes missing, he even jabs at the fact that he could of actually succeeded in killing himself this time (he mentions that he's probably floating in a river somewhere). As he does mention, though, "That man's ability to avoid death approaches nightmare proficiency." Then Ranpo, "Not even the Port Mafia would be able to get the better of him." And Kenji, "Even after all those suicide attempts, he's still as lively as ever." This is obviously fucking true, all of it. He sees through everything and each step of his is carefully planned and atriculated. However, as Atsushi says, "Still, aren't you worried?" He knows this, and he understands what they're saying, but he is taken aback by their lack of care. Then, Tanizaki steps in, saying that he'll help look for him. King. Atsushi is happy about this clearly. Atsushi really cares for him already, and he doesn't understand why everyone else is so calm about this situation. It's because they all know that he'll get himself out of there in one piece, as he is able to avoid these types of things expertly and deftly. However, Atsushi still is worried for Dazai. Kunikida has been Dazai's partner for two years now, and so he knows all of his antics and tricks, much like Chuuya. Chuuya, however, knows him better and more in depth. Because the ADA Dazai isn't really him. Of course, it is him, but with his darker side hidden a lot more. I don't think he's ever revealed it to any of the members except for Kunikida during his entrance exam. The rest all think of him as some goofball who's good at what he does and has a passion for suicide and women. However, Chuuya knows him as a twisted, unwell guy with a passion for suicide and all things dark, with a but of a wacky side to him. These two parallells still have one thing in common, however, and that's obviously suicide. Anyways, sorry, I was getting out of hand. Kunikida clearly cares for Dazai and his wellbeing, but again, is also infuriated by him and his attempts at suicide, which nobody takes seriously.

Mori. Fuck, man. This guy? Real piece of shit. Sees Dazai as an asset in his plan, nothing more, nothing less. He values him as a Port Mafia member, not a human being. The dehumanising nature of Mori greatly impacts Dazai and his quest for death; Mori exacerbates this multiple times. Yes, he stops him continuously from killing himself, but once again, only because he needs him as a piece in his game plan. He was the sole witness to his promotion as the boss of the Port Mafia, he can't have him go die on him now. So, he keeps a close watch on Dazai, surveillance constant. He controls and manipulates the shit out of him, using his craving for death as a means to get him to do what he wants, bargaining a drug for a comfortable way out in exchange for him doing missions for him, to which Dazai expects, wanting him to make him that drug. Mori saved him at 14, yet Dazai continues to attempt suicide countless times in just that one year. Mori does not care for his wellbeing, mentally or physically. He drives him out of the mafia with Oda's death, yet still expects him to want to come back as an executive. Despite claiming that he didn't drive Dazai out of the mafia, he indirectly did so. Now, I don't know if he sent Oda into this with the expectation that Dazai was going to leave, but I think he did but also don't think he did? I think he did this as a means to get Dazai more under his control and manipulate him, because he knew how close they were and he knew exactly what strings to pull to get Dazai to snap. Except, I don't think he predicted Dazai actually leaving the Port Mafia, because he couldn't of predicted what Oda would say to Dazai, and he couldn't of predicted how deep their bond was.

This brings me to my main and next point; Oda was the only one who ever cared for Dazai. Ango of course did, but not to the extent of Oda. I don't know if many people have read it, but if you haven't, spoilers for 'The Time I Picked Up Dazai' under the cut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the book, we see just how much Oda begins to really care about Dazai, despite him initially being some shady kid that turned up half dead on his doorstep. He ties him up to his bed just so that he won't try and escape and kill himself, as he exclaims to Oda. Oda goes through so many measures to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself. Three times. Three fucking times. The first time being Dazai crawling to the door to try and get out so that he can get out of Oda's way and die in peace. The second time, he literally fights Oda because he's trying to stab himself. Then, two seconds later, tries to kill himself with the kettle. Oda has to physically stop him. Oda has to fucking strangle him unconcious to get him to stop. Despite meeting him only three days prior, he cares about his wellbeing. Part of the reason is obviously that he doesn't want a dead kid on his hands, but the other part is that he's growing to care for Dazai. All throughout this little book, we see little glimpses of Oda's genuine concern for Dazai. Obviously at first, he was debating just leaving him on the doorstep, because it wasn't really his issue. Yet, he still drags Dazai back to the bed and ties him up when he tries crawling out the house. In the Dark Era, we see him (in the alley scene) tell Dazai to stop talking after he almost gets shot, because he knows that he's just chatting shit. However, in the book (holy shit, it made me cry when I read it) this happens instead;

The way he described Dazai at the end of this scene kind of broke me. "That of a child about to burst into tears." Now, I don't know whether he meant that Dazai was so happy to finally just, you know, die, or that Dazai was just a troubled child. Both, I think. Odasaku sees Dazai as a child, just a child, and the fact that he wants to die so bad and has such a warped perception of the world genuinely hurts Odasaku. He doesn't want to see Dazai like that; it upsets him. He's genuinely angry at what Dazai did, much like how a father would be angry. He can't stand when Dazai's like this because it breaks his heart. Despite Ango scolding him for letting Dazai speak like that, as he will just start going more off the rails, Oda does tell Dazai not to be like that, and is concerned when he is and when he's serious about it, as opposed to him being whimsical about it in the bar. Ango and Odasaku are like father/brother figures to Dazai, they're fond of him and care about him deeply. Which is why it hurts Dazai so much when it starts falling apart. Bungou Stray Dogs fucking breaks me, because in the scene (I haven't finished The Dark Era LN yet, I'm sorry-) in the anime where Dazai is talking about how everything he loves or wants always leaves in the end whenever he obtains them. And so, when Odasaku died, despite how much Dazai prepared for the things he loves to be lost, he couldn't prepare for it at all. And when he finally loses it, he's lost the final stable thing in his life. His attempt at wanting to live had left. His friendship with Oda and Ango was stained with Ango's betrayal. His life in the Port Mafia became dull and depressing. His attempt at trying to live failed. And his best friend died in his fucking arms.

Then Atushi comes in, and reminds him of all he's lost, yet also all he wants to save and achieve. He raises Atushi, because that's what Oda would have wanted. He raises him because it's the right thing to do, and he wants to be there for him. But he doesn't expect Atsushi to begin to actually hold a deep fondness of him. Dazai, as we all know, cannot handle compliments or being cared for, because it's something so rare and foreign to him. So, even though it's supposed to be funny and nice, BSD Wan really hits fucking hard with this one. He doesn't realise that anyone actually cares for him; evil expects evil from others, as he said. Dazai is constantly on guard, cautious and reserved and shielded. He doesn't want to be hurt again. And so, when Atsushi says shit like this, it catches him off guard, but he can't let that show. He can't let anyone see him vulnerable, because everybody has an ulterior motive. He's going to be used for something.

Sound familiar?

SIGMA.

I know, jumpscare, right?

Bet you weren't expecting me to fucking jump to him.

But, I think that's why Dazai actually cares for Sigma in the little time he's come to know him. "I see. So that's how it is." He says after we see Sigma's internal monologue. Not going to lie, I think Dazai sees a bit of himself in Sigma and is trying to save him from that, and show him that not everyone tries to use him, and that he's safe with him and the ADA, which fucking works when Fyodor tries to manipulate him and Sigma pulls out a fucking UNO reverse card on him, and stands his ground, because he won't be used anymore. Dazai has never been able to confront Mori properly about anything, and so if he can let someone else feel what he wishes he could, then that would make him happy. Plus, Sigma's technically an orphan lol.

Another thing of importance to note is

Okay sorry I've been sat here for about five minutes trying to remember and I can't FUCK.

Anyways, the care from Atsushi that Dazai gets is foreign to him. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just doesn't respond at all. Because it hurts too much, and reminds him of Oda.

I THINK I REMEMBERED BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS IT.

Anyways, despite it being what I thought of or not, it's a key point to make. When Atsushi's orphanage Director passes away, and he doesn't know how to feel, it's Dazai there to help him through it as he faces the loss of a "loved" one. He doesn't know how to feel about the Director's death. He was someone who raised him, someone who was always there. Except, the Director was a sick, twisted and cruel man, despite him only trying to prepare Atsushi from the worst and save him from what he went through himself and what Atsushi's parents did to him. Clearly not the correct way to raise a kid. However, Dazai tells him "When someone's father dies, they tend to cry." Dazai; emotionless, inhuman and uncaring. This is how Chuuya sees him in his Port Mafia days. This is how everyone saw him; someone to be feared for his lack of humanity and twisted way of dealing with things, his warped perceptions of the universe. Yet, when Odasaku dies, it's the only time we see Dazai crying, and it's the most upset or nervous or emotional we've seen him; the guy's a fucking wreck. This just broke me when he said that, not just because poor fucking Atsushi, but also because Oda was a father figure to Dazai. The only time we have seen him cry was of course Oda. And when he says that to Atsushi, my heart breaks. Literally crumbles. This series is actually god awful, I hate it.

In conclusion, Dazai obviously doesn't respond well to compliments or worries about his wellbeing, and Atsushi reminds him too much of Oda. Everything Atsushi is and does; Atsushi, who he's took under his wing as an orphan. Atsushi, who doesn't see the value or meaning in killing people. Atsushi, who asked Aku to be a mafia member who doesn't kill. Atsushi, who took in Kyouka, despite her flaws, and Dazai had to be there to explain that no matter what, she could be in the ADA, despite her kills, despite being an assassin, despite being in the PM. This shit hits hard for him, and I hate it so much.

Anyways, sorry for this long ass rant but it just kills me how nobody actually thinks to look deeper into Dazai's suicidal tendencies, as he's clearly not okay. Atsushi and Oda are the only one's who have ever thought to pursue it, and actively stop him from thinking like that.

I hope you're all having a lovely day/night! <3

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bloodpen-to-paper · 3 months

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PSA regarding cultural exchange and internet culture. Its a rant but its something that needs to be said

I'm already seeing the Qsmp admins calling for understanding and patience with the announcement of the Korean CCs that will be joining, and it frustrates the hell out of me that any of it needs to be said because people on the internet are so poisoned by cancel culture that this opportunity to engage with Korean culture is beginning with stress.

Its an issue that extends far past this server unfortunately, the modern standard for morality on the internet is insanely unrealistic and honestly very anti-human. So many people, most people actually, do problematic things in life and make mistakes, which is completely normal. Its how we are and how we're supposed to be, its how we learn and grow. But having someone get dogpiled/harassed online and potentially even risk losing a career for saying or doing something vaguely problematic that they should be encouraged to learn from is so incredibly harmful and makes the online place more toxic than communal.

There's a legitimate line to draw between something we should encourage someone to reflect upon and a genuinely irredeemable act, and if you can't tell the difference you then shouldn't be speaking about it online. To all the people who dramatize an easily fixable situation, you're part of the problem of people not knowing how the fuck to act when there's miscommunication, differences of opinion or people doing/having done something problematic but not ill-intentioned. Genuinely good people are being either pressured off the online space or terrified to ever make a mistake because people who don't touch enough goddamn grass are so drama-addicted that they make a situation negative when it literally never needed to be. You're toxic and you're making everyone else toxic, the problem is not the person who accidentally said something offensive in ignorance but is willing to learn from that, nor the person who misunderstood a situation and could be convinced to reflect on their actions, the problem is you, adding unnecessary fuel to the fire and blowing shit out of proportion when it could be resolved so much easier. If you're someone who does this, I hate to sound like a boomer but holy shit you should be ashamed of yourself. There's enough bad in the world as is, stop posting and do better.

And here's the funny part, and I don't care how many people this pisses off: current online cancel culture is xenophobic as fuck. People in different cultures have different ways of life, and though that doesn't necessarily excuse some of what goes on in other nations, the current standard for "dealing" with culture clashing takes no account to how someone's culture can make them act differently than you, and they shouldn't be demonized for it even if some of what they do isn't the best. People from multi-ethnic backgrounds, especially children of immigrants, understand that some of our parents say the most cancellable shit imaginable but are still good people at heart. Strangers online wouldn't understand that at all, and their need to complain about everything online with such hostility and lack of nuance would and is doing the exact opposite of what it should be doing; instead of getting people to see different perspectives and learn why their behavior can be harmful to others, thus encouraging them to do better, online witch hunting either drives them away from wanting to interact with anyone, and/or actively pushes them further down problematic avenues where they aren't demonized for harmful behavior.

I am so sick and tired of everything thinking cancel culture is normal, because it is so incredibly not. Its exhausting seeing the same thing play out over and over as someone who's actually interacted with people of different ages, gender and ethnicities, and who knows what these people are like in their hearts, while also knowing the internet would eat them alive without a second thought to who they are or why they act the way they do.

People say and do problematic things, it doesn't mean they're bad people. It means they're human. I encourage everyone to remember that.

#psa #discourse #culture clash #cancel culture #mcyt #qsmp

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ranposgirlboss · 10 months

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~bsd comfort hcs~

this came about while i was cleaning dishes and scanning my check in from work LMAOAKSIUJSAHb (this is pretty much just a more elaborate ver of my other one)

can also be seen as romantic or platonic!!

charas: sigma, ranpo, poe, chuuya, and nikolai

genre: FLUFF!!!!!!! some mild hurt comfort <3

I ALSO STARTED THIS AFTER WORK SO IT MIGHT KINDA SUCK SINCE IM SO TIRED OMFG 😭 IM SORRY IF IT DOES ILL GIVE U A KISS IN RETURN

(it slowly goes more and more downhill)

LESSGOOO ₍₍ ◝(　^∀ ^ )◟ ⁾⁾

---------------------------------------

SIGMA

-SIGMAA (my crush on this man grows bigger by the day), so as i mentioned last time he would know when there's something wrong pretty quickly!!

-sigma would probably play a game of cards with you to distract you for a bit tbh (he will hesitantly agree to play uno AJHNMAKBHJS HIM PKAYING UNO WOULD BE SO FUNNY but anyways.)

-may or may not try to lose on purpose in an attempt to make you happier

-seems like a speed typa guy (that card game is so fun its the best one)

-after a bit and once youve calmed down, he'll ask what happened to you

-if you to choose to explain, he would probably gossip about it with you, or tell you its ok and you're doing great <33

-if you choose not to, he totally understands! he'll just keep on playing the card game with you, or yall could go do something else!!

-VERY GOOD COMFORT!!

RANPO

-lets all be honest with ourselves

-he isnt the BEST at comfort

-however, that doesnt necessarily mean that hes BAD at it

-he will take a bit to notice, as he is pretty absorbed in cases, eating snacks, and being a dense genius that cant tell peoples emotions that well!!

-but, you can always ask him to distract you for a bit if your emotions are very big

-hes very good at distracting you

-probably will say "stop staying cooped up inside!! >:(" and just grab you and take you to some bakery to eat sweets with him, to play video games with you!!

-since he gets that youre not in the best mood, hell try his best not to steal your food. keyword: best.

-playing games with ranpo is so fun don't even

-he probably wouldnt be the best at responding well if you ranted to him, would probably say that he's sorry but that's kinda the best he can do

-if you dont wanna talk about it, perfect!! ranpo is internally scared you might lash out at him due to his lack of actual response ಥ‿ಥ

-pretty good at comfort, mostly just turns to yall hanging out tho!!

POE

-im never gonna stop writing for him be prepared to see him in every hcs <33

-at first he wouldnt know what to do

-i mean, hes barely even had any FRIENDS to comfort.....sooooooooooooooo

-his version of comfort is like buying a mansion if you feel sad

-i mean thats somehow the ONLY conclusion

-"you dont feel sad anymore right y/n ( ꈍᴗꈍ)"

-I MEAN YOU CANT FEEL SAD WHEN YOURE SUPER SHOCKED SO IT KIND OF WORKS JUST....NOT THE WAY YOU EXPECTED

NIKOLAI

-THE SILLY.

-HE IS THE PRIME JOKESTER. HE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.

-he just doesnt wanna see you sad, BUT HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO ACTUALLY COMFORT PEOPLE

-so, he will make you laugh. to distract you from the problem.

-he very well knows that this wont help in the long run, but i mean, what is he gonna do?? learn how to ACTUALLY comfort you?? why would he do that when he can be silly instead????? (same)

-if you didnt laugh at his jokes, well, then he'll shock you out of sadness.

-will literally fucking teleport your whole body some place random. (use his silly ability, idfk what its called 😭)

-like im not fucking joking

-so laugh for your own sake

-OR YOURE GOING TO THE VOID!!!

CHUUYA

-i eat my manga chuuya'os everyday (get it??? because cheerios and chuuya, so if you combine the names you get chuuyios/chuuya'os. laugh.)

-hot take, I THINK HE WOULD BE REALLY GOOD AT COMFORT

-LIKE NO CAP

-he would probably just bluntly ask you what was wrong, and if you don't want to explain, that's alright.

-im not gonna shut up about him taking you on motorcycle rides.

-i never WILL >:(

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002yb · 7 months

Note

Jason feeling miserable bc of some mf telling him that the only way he had to gain Dicks attentionwas by resurrecting bc theres no way in hell Dick would've been with him if not. And Dick about to kill this mf bc how could someone not want Jason? Even before his death and resurrection he was perfection all along.

The punkass spewing that vitriol? It's Jason.

Influenced with something that forces the truth out of him and unfortunately most of Jason's truths are his boundless insecurities.

And Jason hates it, but they're there - caught in his throat and spilling past clenched teeth because they're too many. They suffocate him, overwhelming him until they can be spoken out into the world and made more real than Jason wants to let them be.

Everything about Jason that he kept so close to his chest? Exposed.

Oh, all of this but not even particularly dickjay (yet)

Where Jason bites his lip bloody and nearly bites through his tongue to keep himself from letting anyone know how deeply hurt and disturbed he is. Some things he's admitted before, others need to die with him a second time:

'He took me away from you,' because that wasn't a manipulation - it was so heartrendingly genuine.

'You saved Robin, but not me,' because while Jason understands it, while he's made his peace with the why of it all, it still hurts; it doesn't matter how irrational it is.

'I cried for you,' and 'I shouldn't have clawed my way out of that grave,' and 'it would have been better if I suffocated six feet under - no one would have known,' and oh dear this could go so many different routes??

Something something Jason struggling with self-image issues after the pit because he doesn't recognize the body that's his as being him

(It's not that he doesn't like it; it's a weapon better suited to everything he's ever wanted to be. Strong enough to overpower someone in a brawl, big enough to act as barrier and shield, imposing enough to be intimidating whether he tries to be or not)

More something something about Jason not feeling good enough for the family with all their conditional love and conditional acceptance; what is Jason's worth beyond what he can give to others? He'll give and give because it's the only way he knows to make anyone stay (and yet even then he ends up alone)

Endless hurt scenarios, really. And Jason doesn't have a say in the matter; he can't shut himself up. It's violating in a way he's never experienced before - as bad as when he was a child, when he was thrown in the pit, etc etc.

And then it gets to Dick. And maybe they aren't together quiet yet? But they're friendly. And Jason feels hope in it and hope is such a scary fucking thing.

But the ugly insecurities come out: how Dick only feels any sort of warmth towards Jason because of how the cosmos brought Jason back from its fringes - because Death turned Jason away. Because Dick has his hero complex. He has a need to save people that are falling, only Jason isn't falling anywhere, he's fallen; crashed and burned.

It must be guilt. All the attention Dick affords him a superficial thing so that Dick can repent and feel better about their lacking relationship from a lifetime ago.

Because there's no way Dick actually cares or likes him or respects him. Not a fucking chance. Why the fuck would he? Golden boy wanting a black sheep? Hah...

Jason trembling from how he fights to keep all those truths to himself, those vulnerabilities. Eyes wet with unshed tears -- all resentment towards himself and frustration because shut up, shut up, shut up

Every time Dick tries to protest something Jason says, Jason fights back. More and more vicious. All his bluster and bravado falling away to expose just how tormented he is by himself.

There's no talking through it - not when Jason is still in the throes of whatever he was dosed with

So Dick wrestles Jason into a hug instead. Holding Jason tight despite how Jason initially fights him to get away before holding fast to Dick's back and dropping his head into Dick's shoulder

It's miserable for Jason. Humiliating and violating and he hates it. Make it stop. Shut him up.

Dick shares vulnerabilities of his own

Terrible things, vulnerable things

But he turns his head into Jason's and his voice is steady, his hold on Jason firm and assuring

Jason protesting because Dick doesn't need to do this

And Dick knows. He does it anyway until eventually it's just Dick talking. The things he says doesn't hurt Jason's heart as badly as time passes. Eventually, Dick shares softer things. Like what he likes about Jason; the things that stayed the same (that biting wit and sharp tongue and playful orneriness; his bravery and compassion and kindness - how tough he is and how it contrasts a beautiful sensitivity. More and more until Jason is lulled into a calm trance by the pitch and cadence of Dick's voice, how it rumbles through his chest, a pleasant thrum before Jason has enough sense to raise his hand and cover Dick's mouth because stop -- stop.

The tips of Jason's ears stained red. Same as the back of his neck. And Dick can't see Jason's face, but he can feel the heat in it.

Dick smiling into the press of Jason's hand and letting that silence speak for him: his genuine awe and fondness and affection

#dickjay #jaydick #prerelationship vibes

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voidxbrat · 2 years

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Here’s some possibly harsher truths about systems/trauma survivors that people need to think about (like, I’m begging you guys, holy hell)!

System accountability is actually not the most important concern that it’s being made out to be. And, lack of system accountability is not a red flag or indicator of someone being a generally bad person (as parts or as a “whole”). I know this seems to be hard for a lot of people to grasp, but it’s true. A system is a system due to barriers and lack of cohesion between parts.

Not being able to control all your parts and do things such as fully grasp system accountability is much more normal than people here will have you believe. As is it having different meaning to different people.

Seriously, go learn about some DID/OSDD systems away from tumblr. Go spend some time with another really traumatized person in real life. Go read about systems who didn’t learn about themselves until later on in life. Anything that will help you understand how much more complicated it is.

There are people who don’t fully understand being “parts of a whole” and still view themselves as multiple/separate people. This also is not inherently bad, a red flag, a sign of not wanting to get better, etc. This is normal of a covert mental illness that is literally meant to hide things from you.

It’s very unrealistic to expect anyone to know and/or understand enough about their system to truly understand all their parts, why they behave the way they do, and how to handle it. Especially if you are young, newly discovered, have a very large system, have “more severe” trauma, etc.

It is very unrealistic to expect people with brains damaged by childhood trauma to be able to show up to some of the standards people try to enforce here. It is called a mental disability for a reason - your brain is literally disabled and incorrectly developed.

People showing their less palatable symptoms needs to be more accepted. I don’t care if it’s not pretty, or hard to see, it’s the fucking truth of being a trauma survivor. Trauma is not pretty, and neither is what comes out of it. It is ugly, chaotic, harsh, painful, etc. And being able to show and embrace that fact is not only okay, but honestly even healthy.

Sometimes it’s not only about healing and recovery. Sometimes it’s about the bad days, alters with negative thoughts and views, mistakes and flaws and accepting that you went through trauma and it did indeed fuck you up.

Stop trying to make fucking trauma survivors hide themselves and their flaws even in the one safe space they have.

#system stuff #system community #dissociative system #did osdd #did system #osdd system #system struggles #actually did #actually traumatized #trauma survivor #did community #trauma disorder

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dreemurr-skelememer · 3 months

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Hearing all this and yeah. For some reason I torture myself with the original comics that some for an unknown reason are missing on the actual blog and i have to resort to wattpad just to see the rest. Why am I still re-reading the comics? I have a flipping pinboard in my room filled with theories and minor head canons and rewrites to the original to understand what the hell was going on. Then I turned that pin board into an AU I haven’t finished yet as a crossover series with another fandom because I want to flip off Joku . I have drafts on my tumblr that I keep rewriting before I even think to post them whilst researching on art styles and dialogue. Nonetheless, I spent a month with this pin board that I realized I kind of de-railed off some of the minor aspects Joku wrote in the comics and that had me a minor breakdown because I wanted to work with what I was given despite the lack of substance and plot holes she left us to deal with. It’s frustrating re-reading through her comics.

yeah.

the fact that canon had so many holes and had such bad writing that most people who try to rewrite or reimagine it basically end up leaving little to no canon left speaks volumes about its canon writing

#Anonymous

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rev-wrath · 11 months

Text

Liar 3

Dick Grayson x Reader

First Previous

Series Masterlist

Summary: Up and down, back and forth. Such is life now for (Y/N) (L/N). But still, what the fuck is happening?

Notes: Reader is male and uses he/him pronouns. Implied autistic!Tim. 4.2k words. Paw dividers by sligheach-side. Send an ask to be part of Liar tag list.

“How are you?” Jason asks.

“Better.” A small smile graces his lips as his eyes sparkle. Both a rarity, the smile moreso. “I called my siblings.”

“Yeah? How did that go?”

“I missed them so much. They’re alive. They’re alive and relatively safe.” If he were honest that’s all that he’s wanted. Yes, he wants to be there for them too, to actually be with them, but he can wait. He won’t take their return for granted, he’ll take what he can for now. What matters is that they are alive, have food, clothes, a roof over their heads, and warmth. There’s also someone taking care of them and they’re in school. Oh god, does he have to go back to school and get a GED? He probably does. “They seem happy too.” It’s all more than he could have ever fathomed.

“They are. Natalia helps in the kitchen and Kiva started learning recently.” West was still at the age where he’s more messy in the kitchen but they were working on that. “Natalia seems to appreciate some of my book recommendations.” He’s also spotted some manga around the house that definitely has to come from Tim. West is also interested in some of them. Jason gives him a look that’s a tad too firm to be called soft. “We’re looking out for them. Sasha too.” The lady housing and acting as the kids’ caretaker right now. His siblings called her “Ms. Sasha”. He doesn’t know much about her but he hasn’t heard anything bad.

“If Natalia starts dating, go and threaten the kid for me?” He’s suddenly reminded of the lack of what he knows about his siblings now and what they’ve been through for the past 6 years. “Actually if any of them do, threaten whoever it is.” After all, he probably won’t be out before they all start dating if they’re interested in romance.

Jason snorts. “Handing off that big brother duty to me? What an honor.”

“You’d scare them plenty.” It is also a sign of trust, he hopes Jason understands that too.

“Yeah, sure, it’ll be fun.” Maybe he does.

“Thank you.”

Jason looks at Dick. Dick who looks so tired in front of him but he’s seen him still smiling when it’s called for. Laugh and throw quips. This whole thing has taken a big toll on him, and Jason might be the only one who actually knows. “Does he even actually talk to you?”

“Not really. He doesn’t even actually look at me sometimes.” There’s a joke, about his irresistible looks or show stopping beauty on his tongue but he just keeps it there. It’s not the time.

Jason exhales. “Maybe you should stop visiting for a while.”

And Dick knows that makes sense, to give (Y/N) some space. Hell, maybe Dick himself needs some to figure out how to approach things better. This could also give him some time to focus on other things more. Thankfully it hasn’t leaked into his life enough for many of the others to notice. “That might be good.”

Jason’s eyes find his. “You’re gonna be fine, Dickwad.” Despite the name his demeanor and voice is soft.

“Thanks Jay.”

“Alright,” The younger stands up, grabbing the cups. “come on, let’s make cocoa.” He heads to the kitchen, ready to swap out the cups for mugs. Dick smiles, following him. Later, they’ll talk more and watch a movie, or a show until they either pass out or decide to call it a night.

“Why do you keep visiting me?” Though he hasn’t been here in almost a month.

“Why do you keep coming?” Dick counters. He never raises his voice, always speaking softly or in pleas. Sometimes he’ll speak a little below his normal voice and very rarely will he speak in his normal voice. Right now he’s speaking a bit softer than his normal voice.

“To ask you why you keep visiting.” (Y/N) shoots back. He turns his head away, hardened gaze looking off to the side. “I don’t know if I can even deny visitors.” Frankly, he doesn’t want to find out. What other bits of his life is in their hands? What else has he been handed or denied?

“I can… I can stop coming if that’s what you really want.”

“Maybe.” He says vaguely.

“Tim!”

“Why don’t you visit more? You used to visit a lot more!” Kiva asks, jumping up with her arms outstretched.

“I’ve been very busy. Sorry, Kiva.” Tim says, taking off his coat and patting her head. He’s not a natural with kids and is still kind of awkward with these ones.

He looks up and seems to be surprised to meet Jason’s careful gaze, West next to him. Natalia is in the kitchen entrance behind him also watching Tim and Kiva.

“JayJay’s telling us a story right now.” She grabs Tim, tugging him over.

“Hi Jason.”

Jason nods. “Hey Tim.” He continues with his story. When dinner gets called Jason and Tim stay behind for a moment, promising to join them soon.

“I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Well I am.” There’s no way he doesn’t know that Jason visits. There’s also been a slight increase since (Y/N) has bestowed that one big brother duty on to him. However he’s also taken that as a sign of something more. He trusts Jason with his siblings, which means a lot.

“How often do you visit?”

“About twice a week when I can.” Whether that means he’s in town to or he’s not too beaten to. “You obviously haven’t been.”

“I just check in every now and then.” By that he means once or twice a month.

“Maybe you should come more if they miss you.”

“I’m busy. Dick visits plenty already.” Jason apparently does too. “How often are you visiting (Y/N)?”

“Enough.” Tim’s eyes don’t narrow but Jason can feel him trying to analyze what exactly that means. In return he looks at Tim, not quite in the eyes but Tim knows what he’s saying. “He’s not a bad person. You knew him too.”

“Hardly.” God, if only Tim knew that Dick’s in love with the guy.

“He’s not a bad person. How much do you even know about him? Because I know you spent time with him before.”

“People change around different people.” That’s just a fact. “The way he acted around me is only a small part of himself.” Jason makes a mental note to ask Dick more about what the fuck (Y/N) did. Until then…

“And what about them?” Jason jerks his head in the direction of the kids. “You brought them here and you don’t spare any time when they clearly miss you. Why? Because case close, mission over? Those are actual kids. You can’t do that to them.” Jason’s protective streak is clearly on display.

Tim deflates. “I’m just busy.” Though he will admit to himself that the kids aren’t very high on his priority list at the moment. Between Young Justice, everything in Gotham, his own personal cases and personal life, added with the fact it has been a long time since they’ve gotten here and knowing Dick’s here, he thinks it’s not as necessary. But Kiva did just say she, at least, misses him.

The older deflates just a bit too. “Take care of yourself, kid. And don’t forget about people.” Tim picks up on the double meaning behind it.

This fucking room.

“Have you spoken to Dick?” The therapist asks.

“He visits.” It’s a deflection, he knows. She, of course, knows this too, as she writes something down.

“Does he talk to you?” She asks.

“Yes.”

“And what does he talk about?”

“My siblings, his brother, Jason, sometimes him, me, the world, Gotham.” The animals without homes he fed, the workers in the shops that give him nostalgia he couldn’t place, the people in the shops that he became a regular at, the people at the libraries he visited, the people that had the courage to sit on a Gotham sidewalk to sell items that he would stop to look at, the ever changing walls filled with graffiti, the ones with murals on them.

“And what do you say?”

The former vigilante shrugs. Dr. Tavarez takes a moment before speaking again.

“You don’t have to forgive him.”

“I know.” He very much does.

“But it is good for you to have good relationships with other people.”

“Jason visits.” He counters.

“Do you speak to him?”

“I do.” It is easier to speak to Jason in a way, there’s so much more he can get out of. Even if deep, deep down he knows there’s so much he wants to say to Dick, so much he’s feeling.

“And what do you talk about with him?”

“Basically the same thing.”

“But you talk to Jason and not Dick.”

“Yes.”

“And why is that?”

“Because my relationship with Jason was never based on lies, because he didn’t lie to me, hasn’t and doesn’t.” It’s that simple.

She nods. “I’m here to help, (Y/N). I hope you understand that.”

“There’s no helping. I just sit here and be good, hopefully good enough to get out early enough that my youngest sibling doesn’t celebrate her 30th birthday without me.”

“I know your siblings are important to you. You came here willingly for them and want to leave early for them?”

“Yes.” They mean the world to him. Always have, always will. Regardless of a certain acrobat.

The helmet clicks off as Dick turns on some music and grabs the medical supply having already chucked his mask into its designated box. Jason’s jacket gets semi-folded on the couch as ABBA seeps into the apartment.

With a small clunk Dick’s hefty medkit is placed on the coffee table. Quietly, aside from the occasional grunt or hiss both boys discard their layers to assess their injuries and patch up.

Dick holds out the healing salve. “You have a bruise on your shoulder.”

“I have pit healing.”

“Take the salve, Little Wing.”

Jason grumbles and takes it, twisting around to find the bruise and slap some salve on it.

Dick secures another bandage on himself before standing and heading to the kitchen. He sets a few water bottles down on the counter. “I have chips and dip, different types of dip,” He adds. “sandwich stuff, Pop Tarts and that cereal you like. I’ve also got some fruit.”

“What kind of Pop Tarts?”

“S’mores, strawberry, blueberry, cookies and creme, and the sundae one.” Dick lists off. Jason, mentally making a note to snatch some of them, joins him in the kitchen.

“What’s the sandwich stuff?”

“Usual stuff. I think I’m low on ham though.”

Jason shrugs. “Fine by me.” Swinging open the fridge while Dick rips open a Pop Tart.

“Are you staying here for the night?” He asks in between mouthfuls of frosting and biscuit.

“That’s confidential information.” Dick stares at him.

“How many times have you slept over and left before I realized anything?”

“Less than Tim has.”

Dick sighs. “That makes sense.”

“Go clean up, Dickwad. I can manage making a sandwich.” Jason nudges a shoulder towards the bathroom and bedroom, not taking his eyes off said sandwich. “There’s blood under your chin and dirt on your eyebrows.”

“Alright, alright.” Pushing himself off the counter he heads off to the bathroom.

Most of the blood on him got wiped off with a towel. There wasn’t much of it tonight to begin with, but still. Turning the faucet on he splashes his face. Slowly his thoughts drift to (Y/N).

Quickly shoving those thoughts away he instead goes over what he has to do tomorrow, for the rest of the week. He promised to show Kiva how to do a cartwheel before any basic flips. West was also promised cartwheel lessons. He’s been thinking about taking them out somewhere for fun. Maybe out of Gotham, but there’s some local things they could probably do. Laser tag might be good, or bowling. Bowling would be nice.

Returning to the kitchen Jason has made himself comfortable at one of the barstools. Dick picks up his Pop Tart packet to finish up the second one. A calm silence washes over them as they eat.

“Why’d you do it?” Jason’s deep voice softly cuts the silence, in the way a knife goes into soft butter.

“Why’d I do what?”

“(Y/N).” Dick turns his head but doesn’t say anything so Jason continues. “Why’d you keep going with the mission and then try to make up with him?”

“Because I felt bad, because he deserves better. He doesn’t have much but he’s nice, he’s kind, and snarky. He does this thing where his brow furrows a little when he’s thinking, or confused or just when you do something stupid and he doesn’t agree with it, but he’ll watch it happen and maybe call you stupid after, and he still listens to the radio. He can tie 20 different knots and knows bits of 4 different languages but couldn’t hold an actual conversation in any of them.” Courtesy of the different types of people (Y/N) grew up around. He told Dick he only knew enough to be polite enough, or to get some scraps of information about people, places, directions. Dick tried to speak to him in one of the languages and he was awful at it and they both laughed about it.

“He…” Dick trails off, swallowing. “He was my best friend, someone I could relax around. I felt free around him.” Sometimes for a moment Dick felt like anyone else in Gotham, he could imagine that this is what it was like to not have to travel around the world taking down global superpowered threats, growing up with anger in his veins that turned into nightly fights along with dealing with the rogue of the month.

He can feel Jason watching him carefully. The judgment, the care, the softness, as he realizes just how deep of a hole Dick dug himself into. As Jason opens his mouth Dick decides to make his escape.

“I think I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight Jay.” Jason doesn’t miss the way Dick’s fingers flex, the itch to do something there. Whether that something is a distraction or a desperation for a solution he doesn’t know.

He watches his older brother retreat back to his own room before Jason quietly sets to cleaning up and slipping out of the window. Messy relationships were far too common in this family but this type of messy wasn’t Dick’s usual style, more of Bruce’s if he was going to be honest. Still, a mess was a mess.

Purple and red blotches decorate his skin. Dick’s eyes have been darting around his entire body, mouth opening slightly before closing. He does this a few times, struggling to find the right words to say about it. (Y/N) takes mercy on him and speaks first.

“Someone realized who I was. There’s a few people in here because I put them here. Word’s probably going to get out that I was Tig. Surprised it took this long.” He’s been here for a good while now, and it’s not like his story is one people would sweep under the rug. Unless Dick and his family swept it themselves.

“I didn’t think about that… I’m sorry.”

“Well, at least you thought about my visitors list. Don’t need people pissed off at me coming at me in and out of here.”

“I’ll see if—”

“It’s a fucking prison, fights are bound to happen. I can handle myself.” He’s been toying with the idea of finding decent people and making allies in here but that might be more trouble. Groups were usually messy in his experience.

“I just want you to be okay.” Unbelievable. “Did the medics look at you?”

“I’m alive. People here are mad at me, and will continue to be mad at me. End of story.” If Dick would just fucking stop trying to be nice life might be easier.

“When are you coming to visit?” Kiva asks.

“As soon as I can. I promise.”

“When can we visit?”

“Kiva, we talked about this.” He’s never letting them come here. Too many people, some with a history with him. Now that people know who he is things have gotten more complicated. Things will also be complicated after he gets out. He’s been assured though that it will be handled. The amount of trust he’s continued to put into that family is surprising.

“But I miss you. We miss you.”

“I miss you guys too. I miss you so much.”

“But Jason and Dick visit you!”

“That’s because they’re big kids.” West says.

“He’s right, sweetheart.”

“Yeah! They’re so strong too! Dick can also do backflips and stuff.”

“They are.”

“They said you’re really strong too.” Kiva announces.

“Yeah? Well I’m slacking a little right now.”

“That’s okay.” West assures him. “As long as you’re okay.”

His heart clenches. He doesn’t even think Kiva remembers him much and West’s memories of him might be pretty spotty too with how long it’s been. Who even knows what they’ve gone through in the last 6 years on top of their childhood. Both Jason and Dick have assured him that they’re in therapy. “Yeah, I’m okay, buddy. Thanks.” In response West makes an affirmative sound.

There’s some muffled speaking on the other end. “Yeah!” West says, but he knows it’s not directed at him.

“Hi (Y/N).”

“Hi Nat. How are you, sweetie?”

“I’m good. We all are. I miss you.” If anyone remembers him much it’s Nat. To remember what he did and what it was like growing up. She remembers the people who took care of them before they died. That’s something he knows Kiva can’t remember, West at this age probably doesn’t either.

“I miss you too, all of you.” It strikes him then that Dick and Jason know more about Kiva, at least, than he does. “I’ll come visit as soon as you can.”

“Are you going to stay with us?”

“I’d like to, but we’ll see what I can do. I’ll figure it out. Dick and Jason are going to help.”

“Tim too?” Kiva asks.

He hasn’t seen Tim since that night. Seems like the same can’t be said for his siblings. Resisting the urge to snort he answers, “I think Dick and Jason will have it handled.” Even if they stop visiting as much he knows at least, they will be there when he gets out. If they are alive by then, if he’s alive by then. No, he’ll fight tooth and nail to make it back to them.

Unknown to him Natalia opens her mouth before shutting it. Because she remembers and she has so much to ask, so much she wants to tell him. Not now, not here. She’ll get the phone and have more time at some point. She has her own cell phone now. So they talk about mundane things until he says. “I have to go, I’m out of time. I love you guys.”

“Love you too! Bye (Y/N)!”

“Bye! Love you!”

“Bye (Y/N), love you.”

“You’ve been visiting me an awful lot since I got in here. You don’t usually stay in Gotham this long.” The longest Jason’s been gone is a month, which is strange because despite his relationship with his family getting better Jason is Jason and runs on his own agenda.

“I’ve got some work to do here, it’s going to take awhile.” His eyes flicker over the bruises on his skin causing his brows to furrow slightly and edges of his lips twitch for a slight second before going back to their previous state. Jason doesn’t say anything about it and he appreciates it. There’s an understanding the two of them have being Gotham street kids. Being from the same part of town, one that took everything they had and ripped it away to create the men they are now. Speaking of which…

“How is the Bowery?” It’s well known that it’s Red Hood’s territory.

“Slowly getting better. I,” Jason pauses. “Bruce has been helping, putting centers nearby, stores and shelters. There’s a food bank and a restaurant where people just pay what they can.”

“I guess, now you know why I never went with you.” Sometimes (Y/N) would hand things off to Dick to give to Jason or hand them directly to Jason so that it could be given to the people there. But he never went with Jason to drop it off or go himself. Work sometimes took him there, those jobs were done with more effort and tried to be done as quickly as possible.

Secretly he thinks that he’s just not strong enough to do what Jason does, that he’s too selfish to. Maybe he’s just not a good enough person to.

Jason nods. “Yeah, I do. But I appreciate what you did.” It was as much as he could do. Jason also knows trauma very intimately. He wonders if Bruce could understand (Y/N) too. He wonders if Dick has talked to Bruce about him, if he’s tried to advocate for him.

“You thought your siblings had been dead, correct?” Dr. Tavarez asks.

“Yes.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I saw them die.”

“Would you like to explain further?”

A metallic thud. Screaming. Crying. Yelling. More metal. Blood. A gunshot. Another one. Cold. A punch. Aches. Avenge.

“Gotham streets are not kind.”

He leaves the room soon after that.

“Because what would you know about getting your hands dirty to have a roof over your head or food in your stomach? You never had to worry about that. None of you did, none of you except Jason.” There’s a spark of anger in his eyes, a dangerous glimmer. Dick’s not even entirely sure how they got here. Maybe something about how Dick misses him or how (Y/N) really was a good person and he’s so sorry it ended up like this.

Maybe if (Y/N) had done something different, maybe if anything had been different, then this would be different. Then (Y/N) had bit back something about how maybe if Dick was different but thank fuck that he knows Dick’s true colors now.

“You kept going, even after that.” Like Dick does, coming back, talking. Despite what Jason says, what he’s been trying to work on. Dick with all his feelings and the ever growing amount of responsibilities he has.

“What else was I supposed to do? It’s hard to have a life when you barely exist in the eyes of the government.” Even in Gotham, where that’s pretty common. “And there were more scumbags out there, more families being torn apart, more childhoods being stolen.”

“There were better ways.”

“It’s what I knew. It’s the language they know. It’s what some people deserve.”

Dick knows that. He does. He knows it after seeing Jason when he came back and accepting his new ways. He knows it after Kori and Roy joined Jason and formed the Outlaws. He knows that after he beat Joker an inch within his life after he thought he killed Tim. He knows that with the quiet, angry fire always deep within him. He takes a moment to think before responding.

“I’m not saying that you’re wrong, but I think you weren’t always right, that you didn’t always do the right things. Some of the jobs you took hurt other people.”

“Welcome to life, do you need to catch up? The world isn’t black and white and people get hurt no matter how much you try. You do what you can.”

“(Y/N).” That fucking look on his face.

“Why do we keep doing this? Nothing happens. You come looking like a kicked puppy, look at me and come talk to me while I just fucking sit here and wonder why the hell any of this ever happened. What are you trying to do now? Haven’t you done enough?” Frankly he’s fucking tired of it and might take Dick up on that offer to not come back.

“Not until I can make it up to you.”

“We’re not doing this again.” His voice is firm and harsh. “There is nothing you can do. Not here, because you can’t.” Because he won’t. Because despite his own rocky relationship with him he is his father’s child, he is Batman’s first protege.

“There is. There has to be.” He’s absolutely desperate.

“You have given me the one thing I’ve wanted for the last 6 years and you’ve taken it out of my reach. You have condemned me.” Out of everything (Y/N) has or hasn’t ever said since he’s gotten here that one might have hit the hardest.

“I’ll make it up to you. Even if it’s not while you're here. Even if it takes years.”

“Why? Why do you keep trying? You’re the reason I’m here in the first place, so why try to make it up to me?”

“Because I love you!” They both pause, and falter. The confession hangs in the air between them. That’s also the loudest Dick has been since he’s been here. He goes to say something, but (Y/N) is faster.

“Don’t ever fucking come back.”

#dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x male reader #dick grayson imagines #nightwing x reader #nightwing imagine #dc #read reed

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dsaf-confessions · 4 months

Note

I have two of them

1: Steven x Peter isn't that bad honestly. Imo at least. It doesn't deserve the amount of hating it gets. 'But Steven ruined Peter's life by sending him to become a phone guy' the games go out of their way to show and even directly tell you that phone guys are slaved people who are brought back from the dead and forced to do as their programming says. Steven isn't an expert or anything he's just as slaved as the others were. And while he does say 'I hope u can forgive me for this' which kinda means that he knew it was bad? But honestly I still don't blame it on him fully. From my understanding phone guys are only capable of going 'against' (for lack of better word) their programming only if they have some humanity or memories when they were alive, which I dont think Steven does, in both dsaf1 & 3 hes fully convinced that he's Scott Cawthon and only remembers that he isnt after literally being forced to. 'they hate eachother' I've replayed all the dsaf games and I can't find anything confirming that. Steven obviously regrets what he did and wants to make it right to not just Peter, but everyone else as well. Peter and Steven don't interact much, but Peter hasn't said anything mean about Steven once. The only thing that implies this is Peter's line of Jack saving even those who don't deserve it. But honestly he never said it was about Steven. For all we know he could had been referring to Dave or hell even himself. 'Its boss x employee which would be toxic by realistic standards' ok I see your point but why compere realistic standards to fucking dsaf? You know what else would be incredible toxic by realistic standards too? Davesport. But the fandoms not ready for that talk.

Speaking of davesport

2: Davesport is hellaaaaaaa overrated. I get why people ship it. It has much potential. But honestly it's the only thing the fandom talks about and Im getting tired of it. Where's my Steven contact? Where's my Peter or Dee contact? Where's the phone guys, Henry, Jacktrap or hell even Davetrap contact? Where's the angst connect on the Kennedy siblings? The only endings this fandom talks about are like the Gnarly Endings even tho I think the good ending and pure evil endings in dsaf2 are much better better than the gnarly end. Contact of the legacy routes are almost non existent ESPECIALLY on the legacy route of 2 and when there's is. It's davesport angst. How about we make angst about how Jack literally kills his motherfucking sister that he literally died for in an even more curler dsaf3 legacy route. I also hate how much the fandom mischaracterizes it. No they aren't uwu gay boys, no they don't have a perfect relationship. Their relationship is fucking unhealthy, flawed and bittersweet. (No Im not saying davesport is a pr*ship don't accuse me of that, although it's an unhealthy relationship it's not an ab**ive one). Dave literally stalks Jack, he has cameras on his house for the real Fredbear's sake. Yes I know they're treated like jokes, yes I know that Jack doesn't seem to mind, yes I know that Dave & Jack ARE capable of being in a somewhat normal relationship, with Flipside Dave at least. But still that's not healthy. They are literally willing to kill eachother if they're opposite! Those are two dead courses that have been stripped almost completely out of all their humanity thanks to that pink fuck Henry. Obviously they won't be sweet and caring to eachother or anyone really. If you like Davesport at the very least actually protey it correctly.

This is coming from someone who doesn't even ship Steveter (that's what I'll call the ship) and loves Davesport btw

#dayshift at freddy's #dsaf #dsaf confessions #steven stevenson #peter kennedy #dave miller #jack kennedy

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taralen · 6 months

Text

🎆HOT TAKE: Jevil was never a sane or good person. His true nature was merely exposed by the "strange someone."

(A theory by an actual insane person.)

Although this is the first time I am addressing Jevil on this blog, I feel it is worth analyzing his character due to his parallel yet vastly different experiences to Spamton's. He is very interesting, and I like him for different reasons, but I can't deny that his actions make him less sympathetic as a person.

In-game, Seam, who was once friends with Jevil, describes him as having "gone mad" after talking to a "strange someone." Fans have taken this as a reliable narrative since it's coming from a presumably old but wise figure who was once close to Jevil. However, allow me to introduce these two concepts:

The Unreliable Narrator Perhaps within Toby's intentions, Seam is portrayed as an old yet wise figure, almost like a wizard. Just because a character appears to fulfill an archetype does not mean that the character is actually that archetype.

Cognitive Bias It is a well-known fact that people are willing to see the best in others who we consider to be friends, family, or lovers. Seam thinking Jevil had "gone mad" was likely due to Jevil never expressing his worst antisocial traits openly before talking to a "strange someone."

Seam also describes Jevil as always being into games, which surprises no one given his jester themes and design. Pranksters can be mean-spirited, and in the case of his implied interactions with Spamton, this is very evident. Spamton describes him as only being into "games," and how no matter what he did (even cheating), he could not beat him. This reference is never in-game, but we can still apply it to our understanding of Jevil's character since it was part of a canon Q&A. His implied coulrophobia and disdain for clowns can either be seen as a meta-commentary and joke about the Deltarune fandom's love for secret bosses or an excellent hint of how mean-spirited and unhinged Jevil really is. Someone doesn't develop a phobia from just one bad game unless that interaction was very uncomfortable to the point where it made Spamton feel threatened (possibly for his life). (Also, I am aware some people say they are exes. Given the lack of substantial evidence of this in-game or in the Q&A, I think it's safer to say that the "ketchup kids" part merely references a meme and shouldn't be considered anything substantial for analysis.)

Jevil was already showing signs of someone with antisocial traits, particularly among individuals with Cluster B personality disorders. He also falls under the category of Personality Type B (unrelated to Cluster B personality disorders) because of his lack of urgency. We can summarize him with these hallmark antisocial traits:

Lacking remorse for actions.

General dearth of empathy.

Grandiose Self-Worth (I CAN DO ANYTHING)

Need for stimulation and prone to boredom (which is why his solitary confinement was awful for him.)

Lying and manipulative (tricks the fun gang into breaking him out of jail only to try and kill them afterward. He doesn't even want Kris or Susie's souls. He just wants to have "fun.")

Lack of any long-term goals (he merely exists for games.)

Lack of value for other's lives (he finds the idea of murdering teenagers as an exciting game.)

Blasé attitude about life. Essentially, he is doing whatever the hell he wants without fear of consequences.

Notice the recurring theme of "games." In this case, a "game" to Jevil means whatever he wants it to mean. A game for him might mean torture for another person. His bullet patterns also exemplify this. They are aggressive, cluttered, and have (fittingly) chaotic patterns. Spamton's, by comparison, are structured and not as dense, showing his restrained need to kill the party to achieve his goals (particularly with Kris.) Also, notably, Jevil never considers the party "friends" by the end of the battle, regardless if you choose the ACT or FIGHT options of beating him. If you pick the ACT option, he goes dormant as a tail, but in the FIGHT version, he stays active as the Devilsknife and shows enthusiasm about being used as a weapon (presumably) to harm others.

And here's the kicker of all this: these traits are seldom learned but are inherent to some individuals, particularly those who fall closer to psychopathy than sociopathy.

Psychopaths have strong genetic predispositions, meaning they are born that way. While there are many psychopaths who never go on to become mass murderers, it takes a significant amount of social pressure and understanding for them to realize their actions will get them into trouble.

Prior to speaking to that "strange someone," Jevil was likely held back by his perceived notions of governance and law in the Card Kingdom. As the court jester, he probably believed he could express his desire to mess with others because of his assigned role. Being the "fool" of the court, he must have made the Card Kings laugh at his expense, and for most of his existence, he was probably okay with this since jesters, in our reality, were known to make some pretty nasty jokes about royals only for it to all be laughed off. Playing games with Seam was just an added bonus, and Seam likely saw good in him that no one else did. However, Jevil learned that he could do whatever the hell he wanted with (perceived) zero consequences, and he ran with it.

Any goodwill he had with Seam or the Card Kings was dropped the instant he knew he could do anything he desired. This is not behavior from someone who is even remotely sane. The "strange someone" told him what he wanted to hear. Now, the jokes were no longer just jokes. Seam mentions Jevil saying things that don't make sense, but there is a shadow of doubt that this is the only reason he was locked away. Considering his interactions with the main party, he may have attempted to kill the Card Kings, hence why he was imprisoned by Seam, the only person, as Court Magician, who could match his strength.

This ties back to my initial arguments about Seam's unreliable narrative and cognitive bias. Seam saw Jevil as sane and playful, whereas the "strange someone" knew Jevil wanted to unleash his inner thirst for more dangerous games. These needs were always there, he just needed someone to tell him he could do them.

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This is a bit of an aside, but I recommend anyone who likes Jevil to read Edgar Allan Poe's short story, Hop-Frog. It's about a diminutive jester whose attitude closely mirrors Jevil's, only without a Seam to hold that jester back. Honestly, Hop-Frog was the first thing that popped into my head after beating Jevil. It's definitely worth a read (or listen if you can't read it.)

Like with my Spamton sanity theory, I hope my Jevil analysis and insight as someone with life-long mental health problems can help others see this character in a way that may be enlightening or interesting.

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#deltarune #deltarune analysis #deltarune theory #deltarune chapter 1 #jevil #mental instability #mental illness

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