#and hill house is the most rewatchable because there’s just so much to piece together

[blackmagicanimation]

i wanna know how you rank mike flanagan’s netflix series, for me it’s

1. midnight mass

2. the haunting of hill house

3. the haunting of bly manor

i’m curious what everyone else thought of them!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #336

"get back, you’re never gonna leave him  /  get back, you’re always gonna please him”

What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid? When I was a very little kid, idk. But once I got into meerkats... I drew them like crazy. Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel? No. Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye? Ugh, let's not. When did you feel the most confident in your life? Probably my senior year of high school. I was happy with Jason with plans for the future together, I was doing excellently in school... I thought I was really going to go somewhere. Do you think love is needed to have good sex? For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in? Fuuuuuuuck no, I hate it here. What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered? Probably when I was otw home from my doctor appointment and we passed a random guy in drag walking on the side of the street... That guy is an icon. Favourite soft drink? It's really strawberry Sunkist, but I love it to a degree I don't even allow myself to drink it, because I will fucking destroy that shit so quick. So I tend to just say Mountain Dew Voltage is my fave. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy, period. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No, but it sounds fun. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhhh idk. Who depends on you the most? My snake. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Yes; William Clark and Queen Victoria or Queen Elizabeth, idr which. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Mom. She only has one kidney, so, y'know. She kinda needs at least one. I wouldn't even hesitate. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Unconditional love. What three things do you think of most of each day? My weight is #1. Every second of every day, it, as well as Jason, are somewhere towards the front of my mind. The final is financial and job-oriented stuff. Does/did your high school have pop machines? It did. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yeah. How often do you use Flickr? I pretty much abandoned my account; nowadays I only occasional check my friend's profile who works at the Kalahari Meerkat Project because she uploads wonderful pictures of the 'kats as well as gives interesting info about them! Who is the last child that you took a photo with? Mom took a picture of me holding my youngest niece Emerson because it surprised everyone; I NEVER hold babies. She crawled over to me and reached up though, so of course I was going to pick her up. How often do you wear hats? Never. Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Sure! Idk what, but I'm rather sure I'll get at leaast one. Is anyone in your family sick at the moment? No. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my younger sis is a social worker. Where is your favorite place to buy groceries? Wal-Mart, I guess. Who do you generally talk to the most? My mom. Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname? Mom is "Mama Bear," and then my siblings are "Little Sister" and "Big Sister." Whose birthday is coming up? My lil sister has her birthday in April. Have you ever ordered from an informercial? No. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? I needed to get blood drawn for some testing. It was drawn from my inner elbow, obviously at the doctor. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? I never have, but it'd be fun. I enjoy puzzles. How many followers do you have on Instagram? I don't feel like checking. What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts? "Mutter" by Rammstein. I picked a screenshot from it to draw, so I rewatched it to select one. It's a beautiful video, but also strange, which Rammstein is great at. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. What makeup products are your go-tos? If I wear makeup, the bare minimum is black eyeliner. Are you going to school this year? No. I gave college as many shots as I could handle both sanity-wise and with finances in mind. I do NOT want to even ATTEMPT to imagine the debt I have after going to three different colleges and dropping out each time. What is your favorite water activity? I enjoy just kinda swimming around aimlessly, relaxing. What are your favorite video games? Okay, I talk about SH2 and SotC enough on questions like this, so I'll mention some others I really enjoy as well: the Silent Hill franchise in general, Spyro games, The Last Guardian, both The Evil Withins, The Last of Us, some Resident Evil games (the 4th in particular), etc. etc. I just love video games. Do you like jello? I enjoy the flavor, but the texture makes me squirm. When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?" Probably while riding in the car with Mom when a dumb motherfucker swerved into our lane. Or something like that, idr the exact occasion. Have you ever held a snake? Yesssss, I want to hold all the snakes. ;_; Most unique place you’ve ever been to? Uh. I guess maybe the Whirligig Park/"Acid Park" nearby us? It's just this large expanse of unique architecture that are mostly, as you guessed it, extravagant whirligigs. You've got to see it if you come to the town. I have some pictures on my deviantART if you wanna see a few pieces. If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be? NO CAPES! Have you ever slept out on your porch all night? Oh fuck no. I'd feel way, way too unsafe. Do you like horror movies? Yeah! What’s your favorite Coke product? Just normal Coke. Watergun or water-balloon war? Watergun. I don't like being hit with stuff. Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators? I kind of am. Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex? I have three plushies from Jason, Tyler, and Girt. My Marilyn Manson poster is also from Juan. Who’s your favorite Beatle? I don't know; I was never a big fan, so I don't know any of them as people well at all. Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go? I've never been drunk, but no, I've never texted an ex because I was drinking. Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend? I don't have one. The only instance where I had to do that was with Girt. Tall motherfucker. Have you ever been tackle-hugged? Yes. Those are the best. Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before? Girt once tried to make out with me and I noped the fuck outta that situation. It was so fucking awkward. Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before? My nightmares definitely can. Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way? I definitely believe my mental illnesses forced me to mature faster and also instilled a great sense of empathy in me. And don't forget emotional endurance. What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line? It's dangerous and can be very blinding. An outsider could say I put Mark on a pedestal, but I've always been very aware that he's not perfect and really just another human, I just happen to love him a lot for the human he is, haha. As time's passed, my vision of him has become healthier though (not to say it ever reached the "unhealthy" threshold); it's gotten easier for me to judge him and stuff like that. I think an obsession crosses the line when you put on rose-tinted glasses to look upon someone and entirely ignore their flaws, or if you try to invade their personal lives, ex. being one of those creeps that loiter outside their houses and stuff. If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph? Ah, livin' the dream. If I had to choice and would be paid well regardless of focus, I would absolutely travel and photograph the local nature/wildlife. Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others? Shirts, 100%. Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited? When it comes to OCs, yes, given that things have been stolen from me before. Photography doesn't worry me much because I don't think I'm good enough for someone to possibly want to steal it (and besides, I use a watermark), and I do the same for drawings. It's the unique characters I make I worry about being stolen if I share them. When is the last time you did something sexual? A few years back. Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone? I haven't showered with someone since I was a little kid and my younger sister and I would to conserve water. What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road? It really makes me genuinely sad, and I always wonder if it could have been avoided if the driver was more alert, slower, and thinking about more than the damage it could cause to their car... I enjoy photographing roadkill, brutal as it may be, out of respect for them and the desire to make their individual stories known and just kind of like, raise awareness of it. Too many people are just annoyed by hitting an animal versus more concerned. "Stupid deer," stuff like that. I sometimes worry that doing so can be interpreted as disrespect, to photograph and publish pictures of their corpses online, but I sure hope not. It's the least of my intentions. I just want people to see and care. Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over? Biiiitch I was that ex, 120%. But besides my situation with Jason, this was how Tyler was. I had to tell him about five thousand times to stop texting me. Are your fingernails currently short or long? They're always pretty short. Would you rather have big or small dogs? I like medium-sized dogs most. I'd have to pick large dogs between the two, though. What is your favorite sports drink? I'm not a fan of sports drinks. What was the last compliment you gave a guy? Yesterday, a guy in PHP shared two poems he wrote while hospitalized, and they were wonderful, so full of passion and emotion. I sure as hell told him they were amazing. He's going for his Master's for poetry, so he knows what he's doing for real. Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It's popped on very, very few occasions. Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”? I don't want kids, so no, I've never thought of this. I certainly wouldn't wait for sex ed in school, though. I feel like it's a bit late. I feel children need to know what it's about at a younger age with how disgusting some people are... I want them to be informed on what consent and molestation are so they know to let Mama know so I can punch someone's face into a whole new galaxy if they're ever violated. Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something? Oh, always. Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did as a kid, sure. Not so much now. If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? If they were truly sick enough to need assistance but not actual hospitalization, yes. I'd want my spouse to do the same for me. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yyyyep. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Did you actually have a cookie jar? We have a Santa one, though I don't even know if we ever used it versus just having it as a decoration. What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? Bottom lip. Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life? "Ruin" it seems a bit extreme, but I definitely wouldn't like it. Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie. Not really, if we're only talking those two options. Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable? Yeah, you really can find the coolest shit for great prices. What color is your wallet? Mostly red and white; it's a Harley Quinn design. Have you ever been somebody's photography subject? No. Nicki Minaj fan? I believe she's a very talented rapper, but I don't enjoy her actual music. I just don't like rap. Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls? No, I wish tho.

[mego42]

1x07 Discussion Questions

My b! My b! I usually try to do these when the episode is fresh but instead I went to sleep, I am at peace with my priorities, tbh. As always, many thanks to @pynkhues​ for her time and energy putting these together and shout out to @foxmagpie​ for the assist. 

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

Lot of contenders, tbh. I really love the scene with Mary Pat when she puts together the (extremely transparent) bullshit that is the whole secret shopper scheme (I mean come on y’all, did you even try????), I love Ruby and Stan’s date (high five to Stan for coming through with my parks & rec reference, it’s nice to know there is one (1) man I can count on). The Annie and Greg bit is REALLY SWEET LEAVE ME ALONE. The god tier brio content, specifically The Grab Heard Round The World My Living Room and the Give Me A Name bit. Some classic Rio nonsense (do you think if we asked him to point to an egg he’d point to an apple?) Tyler and his “reeeeeeally fill out the surveys?” was, obvs, the best moment on the entire show. Anyway, one of those for sure.

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

The Boomer setting up Annie stuff always falls flat to me and idk exactly why? Like, individual pieces of it are great, Mae does EXCELLENT work post police station and when getting arrested in the first place but ultimately I find it fairly forgettable in the grand scheme of things.

3. Let’s talk about the secret shopper scheme! What do you think were the strengths of it? The flaws? Do you think it had longterm potential? Or was it always going to crash and burn?

I said this during the rewatch but I straight up blocked out the fact that all of the shoppers are hitting the same store on the same day (waving around upwards of $5k in cash???? no less???????) because my brain cannot comprehend how three women we’re supposed to believe are reasonably intelligent didn’t realize this was the stupidest, most transparently obvious, most short-sighted scheme in the entire world. 

I struggled with the sustainability of it a bit when I thought they were spreading their efforts around (they roped in A Lot of people, there are only so many Costcos in the Detroit metro area and waving around that much cash and then returning it all, again for cash, is uh, already p memorable) but I could deal with it when I thought they were spreading it around. Short-sighted, immediate solutions are a cornerstone of Beth’s brand, after all, but all of them at the same store at the same day???? Too much. I cannot. 

4. The girls spent their money in very different ways! Ruby on romancing Stan, Annie on clothes for her son, and Beth on jewellery for herself. What do you think this tells us about them and their arcs? Particularly coming off the back of Ruby’s conflict with Stan, Ben’s issues at school with clothes, and Beth leaving Rio her pearls?

Love these connects. The show’s got a pretty clearly defined and consistent visual/character motifs (this may or may not be the word I’m looking for, shut up) when it comes to depicting the girls priorities and motivations. You also see it reflected and reinforced with their repeated coping mechanisms throughout the show. Whenever bad stuff happens, Ruby goes home to Stan, Annie crawls into bed with Ben and we usually close with Beth either alone (ouch david) or connecting with Rio in some way (exhibit a: the aforementioned pearls). 

In all of the instances it comes back to the heart of their priorities:

Stan is Ruby’s number one, (which isn’t to say her kids aren’t a part of that, I think Stan is both himself in this sense while also representing her whole Hill family unit—TV is all about visual shorthand kids—but also it serves to illustrate that Ruby has something Beth and Annie do not: a true partner). 

Ben is at the root of everything Annie does, she makes choices based on not only his. well-being, but how he sees her and he has the most influence over how she sees herself and what actions she takes as a result of that.

Beth, on the other hand, is at a contrasting point. She’s done the devoted partner and mother thing (lowkey implied by the little bits and pieces we get of her and Annie’s childhoods to some degree more or less for her entire life) and is now putting herself first, her needs, her wants. Which isn’t to say she doesn’t give a fuck about her family, she waits until she’s got a fat stack of cash and they’re taken care of before splurging on a thing, but as a symbol I think the necklace pretty clearly illuminates that for whatever Beth tells herself, she’s building an empire for herself, bc she wants it, needing it is secondary.

5. Eddie’s arrest is arguably what sets us on a collision course with the finale! Do you think Eddie was loyal to Rio until the end? How much do you think he told Turner? And what sort of loyalty do you think Rio inspires in his boys? And why doesn’t it translate with the girls?

OF COURSE EDDIE WAS LOYAL TO THE END HE HAS CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED HE HAS SOME KIND OF CODE OF HONOR HOW DARE YOU SLANDER MY BOY LIKE THAT.

Tbh idk how to answer the loyalty question without more information from canon because the gang and how they operate, how they all came together, etc is pretty well shrouded in not-central-narrative-focus, though I think it’s been implied somewhat heavily that what’s going on with the girls is not standard operating procedure.

My personal headcanon for Eddie is tied up in my personal backstory for Rio and Mick that I started for my (lmao first) Mick POV fic. I gave Rio and Mick a friends since we were kids backstory and decided Eddie was a kid in their neighborhood, slightly younger then them, and always looked up to them/followed them around/thought they were cool. He ultimately got involved in crime because they did and they looked out for him and brought him up with them (which, you know, makes how it all turns out that much more tragic). Obvs, this is all just me and my tendency to imprint on random side characters and give them backstories. Let me live.

6. This episode introduces us to Mary Pat, who’s probably one of this show’s most complicated antagonists! What do you think of her generally? And could you have predicted her arc with Boomer and Turner?

I love her and I’m done lying to myself about it.

LISTEN, first off, Allison Tolman is great. Her line delivery is fantastic, she has a knack for subtly adding SO MUCH to every scene she’s in and uses her face and inflection and pauses exquisitely. Top notch comedic timing. Truly a gem.

Second, on a character level, the lady is in a bad spot and the girls basically gift-wrapped the circumstances and handed them to her like here is a present!!!!!!!!!!!! What was a struggling girl to do besides accept what was offered to her??????!!!!!!???

7. This episode features a very pivotal scene in terms of the Beth, Ruby and Annie dynamic. What starts as tension between Annie and Beth quickly pivots when Ruby criticises Beth and Annie leaps to her sister’s defence. What do you think this tells us about the dynamic between the girls as pairs and as a trio?

I am so!!!! curious!!!!!!! about the backstory that exists in the writers’ heads for Ruby and Annie (all three of them, really, but the bff and little sister having an independent friendship is of particular interest to me bc it isn’t something you, or I guess I, run into a lot) and how much of it was defined at this point vs how much it’s evolved/fluctuated as the show goes on. This fight pretty clearly illuminated that when it really comes down to it, it’s Beth and Annie vs Ruby which a) breaks my heart and b) isn’t totally a dynamic I think the show ultimately stuck with? Or maybe intentionally fluctuates? Idk this is a half-baked thought. Ask again later. 

8. Greg is the one who kisses Annie! Who do you think left who in that relationship, and/or what were the biggest issues in that relationship?

I feel like there’s pretty much no way Annie wasn’t the one that called things off with Greg. Not just because of how it plays out this time but because he’s got a kind of persistent yet also go with the flow attitude that makes me think he would absorb a lot in the name of making it work whereas Annie seems to have a pretty established history of cutting her losses and bailing when she hits her limit. Based on how fond they are of each other and how much affection they clearly still hold, I tend to assume they just grew apart as they grew up which makes it almost more complicated and tragic because it leaves all of the good stuff and just mixes it with the knowledge that it wasn’t enough. 

9. What did you think of Ruby’s sauce story? And what do you think it meant as a turning point for her arc?

I HATE THIS STORY SO MUCH USED BAND AIDS ARE GROSS ENOUGH ON THEIR OWN WITHOUT MIXING IN FOOD SERVICE AND MONTHS, MONTHS, OF MARINATION. I REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT IT. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

10. Knowing that Beth, Ruby and Annie’s system of paying Mary Pat off doesn’t work, do you think there was a way they could’ve handled her on their own that would’ve worked? Or do you think Rio’s intimidation (and potential murder) tactic was the only way out?

Idk maybe I’m just cynical, but I take trust no bitch to heart, they pretty well screwed themselves into a corner by being idiots. 

[metalbatandzenko]

All the colors!!

Link to the original post so you can reblog it yourself :)

zinc white: how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

Better now than I was the first time I answered this because I got my work done, but still pretty burnt out.

cadmium yellow: when you think of the word “happy” what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Writing.

lemon: what’s your comfort food?

Homemade fried rice is my go to.

hansa yellow: what’s your guilty pleasure song?

I mentioned previously that I don’t really have a guilty pleasure song bc I’m pretty open about all the music I listen to, but one song I will scream out is Take On Me by Aha

yellow ochre: name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I didn’t just discover her, but Tanerélle...her music is so good and she’s so hot..I’m gay

naples yellow: where do you feel most at home?

San Jose’s Japantown on the weekend of Obon.

raw sienna: with whom do you feel most at home?

With my closest friends.

golden ochre: describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

I don’t think I have a “closest” friend, but my relationship with my group is pretty casual. We send each other things that remind us of one another, we joke and have fun together but we’re there for one another...I’d trust them with my life.

golden deep: what’s your favorite season?

Over the Garden Wall Season Fall. I love the crispness in the air, the colors, the foods...it’s all so good.

cadmium orange: what do you like to do on your days off?

I write so much. I honestly can’t remember my last day off.

orange lake: do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

I think so. I always worry that I’m putting too much on someone but I also trust my friends to assert their boundaries when they need it.

titans: do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

Relaxing evenings. But I’ll take quiet mornings over both of them.

shakhnazaryan red: are you currently binge-watching anything?

Nope. I might rewatch otgw though.

red ochre: are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

My dad would say left brained, my mom would say right brained. I agree with my mom.

burnt sienna: is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Both the more famous one and Starry Night over the Rhône:

english red: what animal do you relate to most?

Owls.

vermilion: what’s your favorite accent?

I grew up listening to and speaking Hawaiian Pidgin at home. I’ve lost the language, but hearing it soothes me.

cadmium red: do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

Tall dark and handsome Capricorns regardless of gender. I’ve dated three people who fit this profile and liked seven others. I didn’t know any of them were Capricorn’s until after I liked them.

scarlet: describe your current crush/es.

I actually don’t have one. Unless you count the celeb crush I have on one of my mutuals on twitter akdbrbrb

ruby: what does your ideal first date look like?

Honestly I like lowkey, so probably a coffee shop date or doing something fun like bowling. Maybe if the first activity goes well we can hit a museum or botanical garden then get a quick bite (like in’n’out) after. God I’m so stereotypical skfbrbr

carmine: what does your ideal second date look like?

Definitely a botanical garden or museum if we haven’t already, then a slightly nicer dinner. This is not a high standard. A Chili’s counts.

madder lake red: would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

I mean. I have in the past so. Akdbrbvtbr I’ve kissed people I haven’t even been dating nor interested in romantically! It’s 2020 lemme kiss my friends!

rose: what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

Honestly Hidden Horns. It’s been so much fun to work on.

quinacridone rose: what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

Seeing my friends and family again. On top of everything going on right now, I live in a different state than my friends and extended family. I miss them.

violet rose: what does your dream house look like?

Not too large. Something with a bedroom for me and my significant other, a guest bedroom, a nice bathroom and a very nice kitchen. Ideally something with a nice view and large windows where I could watch the sun rise and set.

violet: is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

Honestly I’d love to move back to California somewhere. Either somewhere near my hometown, or in Southern California

blue lake: what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

I’d like to publish a book to be honest.

cobalt blue spectral: what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to go to Japan on a trip sponsored by the Japanese government. Words really cannot describe how beautiful Japan is.

The first picture is of Odaiba, in Tokyo. The second row is from a small fishing town in Hokkaido. Those are the only picture I had of it that didn’t have a ton of people in them.

The last picture is from the 45th floor of the Tokyo Metropolitan Building in Shinjuku Tokyo. The picture doesn’t do it justice. For how bright the lights were, the stars were out in full force. It was hard to tell where the buildings ended and the sky began.

ultramarine: when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

Earlier this evening my dog played with three other dogs.

blue: what’s the most recent dream you remember?

I was choking last night. That’s all I remember.

bright blue: what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I’m married to my lovely wife, and we have two kids, a boy and a girl. We also have a dog named Meatball.

blue cobalt: do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

My mom chose my name and my brother chose my American name based off a character in an kid’s show. I wouldn’t change them for the world.

prussian azure: what’s your favorite scent?

Fresh bread, the smell before and after it rains, redwood, cinnamon, lavender.

azure blue: what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

I grew up on genmaicha. It’s a type of green tea that’s brewed with roasted brown rice, which mellows out the bitterness and adds an earthy flavor.

turquoise blue: if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

Snapdragons definitely. They’re my favorite flower. Probably some tulips, gardenias, carnations, violas and lavender as well. For herbs, peppermint, basil, thyme and chives. And probably an apple tree.

cerulean blue: if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

I mean it’s a form of income so I’d be down.

glauconite: describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

I’m tall and broad shouldered, with a long torso and long arms. I’m a bit busty. I’ve got violin hips, strong calves, and solid thighs. I walk on my toes. I have high cheekbones, pursed lips, and almond eyes framed with long lashes.

yellow green: picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

I’m on a rolling hill of wild grass and wildflowers. The grass shimmers and ripples like the surface of the sea in the breeze. Through it, I see a blanket laid out under a California Oak tree. I can hear the wind, and birds in the distance.

green light: are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

Kind of? I’m stable enough bc I’m living with my parents, but I’m also closeted. I’m hoping to move out soon.

green: name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

I’d love to go back to Japan, see New Zealand and visit the Basque Country in Spain. I don’t have any plans to though, I don’t have money for that.

emerald green: do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

My grasp on Japanese is pathetic and I’ve lost my pidgin. I’d love to regain them.

oxide of chromium: what’s your favorite book?

Chronicles of Prythian.

olive green: are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far?

The Shape Of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch. It’s so painful but cathartic.

mars brown: what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

Emperor’s New Groove!

burnt umber: what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

Sleep.

umber: have you drank enough water today?

...no

voronezhskaya black: what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

Either a friend or my second twitter ajdbfb

sepia: name five things that always make you happy.

Seeing my friends.

People commenting on my writing.

Seeing people like things I made for them.

Watching Lilo and Stitch.

Listening to my shitty nostalgia playlist.

indigo: what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

I mentioned this before but my professor and mentor figure described me to her colleague as “fast to laugh, even faster to smile”. I also had someone tell me I had a genuine gift for writing and that my piece moved them to tears after they read a Nonfiction piece I wrote.

payne’s gray: describe your aesthetic?

Something out of a Hozier song. Things being reclaimed by nature. Earth tones. Misty forests. Knives. Ornate clothing.

Alternately: young hot suburban dad who all the moms have a crush on.

black: post a selfie because you are so beautiful!

[bloodnikki]

Thoughts on The Haunting of Hill House...

I think we should all take a moment to look at why The Haunting of Hill House is so good both as an adaption as well as it’s own piece.

Let’s start with it as an adaption.

As an adaption of a book/movie, it is very different. It has it’s own feeling and a wildly different story. Where as the book dealt with a group of people studying the haunting of Hill House, the series deals with a family coming to terms with their haunting.

But it isn’t so far removed that it feels too different! And that is important, because this makes it feel respectful to the source. The names of characters are taken from the book. There are scenes that are clear references to the original work and lines that are almost taken straight from the text of the book. 

In short, it is clear that the Tv Series and the Book are two different houses, but the ground work/the frame is the same. The core of it is the same while we, as viewers, enter unsure of the layout of the building we are about to enter. So, old fans have a lot to look forward to when they sit down to watch it.

As It’s Own Piece... 

There is a lot to say on it. It is truly a work that shows the beauty of visual storytelling. It has a very strong opening and closing episode, much like the book has a strong opening and closing. But I’ll touch on this in a little bit.

1) Lighting! So, for everyone use to watching horror or even passing viewers to the genre, you know that most horror series/movies are very dark. They use darkness to showcase the larking monsters. Normally lighting only the main character or just enough to give a sense of dread.

Hill House series doesn’t have overly dark scenes. In fact, it does the opposite. All scenes in Hill House are well lit. Even scenes taking place in the dark of night, have a good amount of lighting. This is because the house is a character. In fact, the house is just as important a character as the family.

So, every scene in Hill House is well lit. You are always aware that you are in Hill House or you become aware of the swift to Hill House easily. Details of the rooms in Hill House are always clear to see.

2) This is because, Details are very important. The series uses a lot of symbolism to convey meaning. In the use of color, to the use of personal relationships, the details in a scene are important. 

3) Due to the fact of how things always Cycle back. The book and the series have an open and closing that cycle back into each other. This is an element that is reinforced throughout the show. Events keep getting circled back to, much like Nell’s bent neck lady, to enhance the story. Sometimes even showing there is no clear start or finish. Time isn’t a fixed idea. We learn something new from each retelling and pick up new elements that flesh out the story with each cycling back. Each family member has a piece of the story and each piece doesn’t make sense without the others. Everything cycles back near seamlessly 

2) details. Details that make the viewing enjoyable when you rewatch it. There isn’t a wasted scene or line to be found. We either learn something important to a character or we see something important to the over all narrative. Case in point Shirley waking up to say “Nell’s in the red room” in the first episode and start of the next. 

This is brought up a few times. It is said when Huge goes to bed to his wife “Shirley is sleep talking again” Shown twice as they repeat the scene of her waking up saying that in the second episode, after we just saw in the first, and again by Olivia in a later episode in the scene where she talks to Theo about them being sensitive people.

By the way, can we all agree that the way we are introduce to the family, in the Hill House flashback, is amazing. It perfectly sets up each of their characters. Shirley pretty much sleeps through Nell’s cry for help. Theo is unsure how to help Nell, but she waved away and doesn’t even come to the room to help. Just goes back to her own room/world. Steven, the older brother, tries his best to comfort Nell, but can’t. Huge comes in trying to make things better while Luke is ignored. He is quickly forgotten in the scene. Huge is the last person to talk to Nell before he leaves the room to check on the kids.

Much like he is the last person to talk to Nell before she enters the house. He calls to tell Steven to check on her since he is closest. Luke is all but ignored as they play telephone in the first few scenes. In fact we don’t see him until after Nell dies. Shirley passes Nell’s call off, not evening speaking to her youngest sister. She let’s Steven do it, much like Theo let Steven handle Nell that night with the nightmare, while Theo has nothing to do with the game of telephone much like Shirley sleeping through the events of the nightmare. In this way, it shows a bond between the sisters that is reinforced later by showing they sort of live together.

Porch light on means come home. Shirley’s model of the forever home being smashed by possibly, most likely in context of the scene, her mother’s ghost. I could list on and on about the use of color and little details.

Details that are easy to over look, but really make a difference to the overall story. It’s the way that events cycle back that are just so enjoyable to watch.

4) Just like the transitions between scenes are enjoyable. The cuts are just so beautiful done. They flow so nicely from one scene to the next. Making it hard, at times, to place the start of one scene to the next in our minds. A visual cycling back to the idea that there is no real start or finish to a moment. Time isn’t a line of events that happen one after the other, but a series of moments happening all at once around us. The opening of a door or fridge, leads effortlessly into the opening of the past, a memory of what happened in Hill House. Going down a hallway leads you down a different one.

The biggest weakness to The Haunting of Hill House, is Shirley. Her character, both young and old, doesn’t do much within the story. Her damage due to the house feels rushed compared to the others. We don’t get as much time with her compared to her siblings. Steve, Theo, Nell, Luke and Huge are big center pieces. They feel like main characters while Shirley feels, at times, like she’s still in bed sleeping. I put her on the same status as the Dudley’s. They are there and they are important to the story, but they aren’t the soul of the story. They are merely there while things are happening, a causal force in the over all narrative. 

I am not saying that her character isn’t important or could have been removed. Shirley’s character is needed. It helps setup a bunch of events. It helps move the story along faster and keeps the locations to as few places as possible. It also keeps the cast smaller, leaving more time to showcase the family. Her character helps keeps the story from becoming muddy through useless/not as important events or meeting people that won’t be important later. 

Rather, what I am saying is that I wish there could have been more done with her. Sadly, I don’t honestly think there could have been a way to do that without taking away from her siblings and the story. In a family of seven, one person always ends up having to get lost in the shuffle. That person is Shirley and for this story, the way it had to be told, that’s okay. It’s okay that Shirley slept through most of the events. It’s okay she doesn’t get up in the middle of the night to comfort her sister who is crying over the bent neck lady. It’s okay, because those that were most needed got up and were seen. 

I honestly could send more time talking about the series and the elements that I enjoyed from it. It came out on the 12th and of writing this, it is the 15th. I have sat through the show twice. I clearly haven’t picked up everything in it. I couldn’t possibly do that in two viewings. But this is just an overview of the things that I felt made the series work. 

[boxedblondes]

I’ve already posted about my favorite albums that came out this past year, but I also kept track of every book I read and movie/tv show I watched in 2018. Here were my favorites:

“Serious” books:

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down: A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, and the Collision of Two Cultures by Anne Fadiman → Thought-provoking, tragic account of a Hmong child with epilepsy and the conflict between her parents and the medical establishment.

Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain by Abby Norman → A memoir-meets-medical/social-commentary about illness, pain, and the inability or unwillingness of medical professionals to believe and treat women’s pain. Very empowering and heart-breaking, especially as someone with endometriosis and chronic pain myself.

Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty by Dorothy Roberts → Incredibly thorough, complex read about racism in America and beyond in terms of reproductive liberty.

“Fun” reads:

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon → Sci-fi novel about race, classism, and mystery that takes place on a futuristic “world ship.” I don’t usually like sci-fi, so this one surprised the hell out of me. It took me f o r e v e r to finish this book, simply because I loved it so much and didn’t want it to end.

The Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo → Fantasy series about a band of misfit thieves that get roped into a massive heist. So so so fun and such a thoroughly enjoyable read.

The Drowning Girl: A Memoir by Caitlín R. Kiernan → Weird, winding read featuring a schizophrenic character as she struggles to reconcile her memories of a mystery that may or may not have actually happened.

Re-read:

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky → I love this book more and more each time I read it. I think literally everyone has read this one, but if not -- coming-of-age epistolary novel about a high school freshman. V good, will make you cry.

TV shows:

“The End of the F***ing World” season 1 → Classic story of boy-meets-girl, boy-plans-to-murder-girl, boy-and-girl-go-on-road-trip-together. Maybe one of the only pieces of hetero media I enjoyed this year.

“Jessica Jones” season 2 → It’s good. 10/10. That’s all you need to know.

“Stranger Things” season 1 and 2 (rewatch) → So maybe I do love sci-fi after all. 🤔🤔🤔

“Queer Eye” season 2 → Cried @ every single episode lol.

“Versailles” season 2 → God, I’m a slut for period dramas.

“The Haunting of Hill House” season 1 → Excellent horror/family drama. I was skeptical about this one bc of all the buzz about it but for the most part, it lived up to the hype.

Movies:

(Just gonna list these bc there are quite a few I loved)

“Se7en”

“Gone Girl” (rewatch)

“Carol” (3 whole entire times)

“It Follows”

“Donnie Darko” (rewatch)

“Deadpool 2″

“Cargo”

“The Truman Show”

“Love Actually” (rewatch, x2, cried each time)

“Green Room”

“Eighth Grade”

[acharlescoleman]

I think I’m done with watching Female Trouble for a while. I feel like I’ve seen it like five times or more within the last four years and that’s too much for a comedy. It’s still a great movie though. The whole cast is great in their own way especially for top billed cast for remembering all that Waters dialogue and nailing certain punctuated words when needed. They’re all great. I think rewatching it again I really narrowed into Mink Stole’s performance again as the Hare Krishna brat and really getting glee from the Baltimore accents, that’s like the best way to hear Divine’s Earl in the movie. I feel like the first time I saw the movie I didn’t know Divine was both Dawn and Earl so he has sex with himself literally in the movie early on, it’s hilarious when Earl goes down on Dawn.

Also, at point Edith is offered eggs, I think it was when she’s in the cage and Mink asks her if she wants eggs and she says no, she hates eggs which is a fun nod in reverse from her Egg Lady character in Pink Flamingos.

It’s wild they shot in an actual prison and I believe that was a real electric chair which seems super spooky to me.

I think the only thing that grossed me out with that movie was when the photographers shoot up Divine with something that I don’t think it was real but it looked like they used a real needle and that stuff just gives me shivers. Other than I wasn’t grossed out and I feel like a lot of people won’t be grossed out either, maybe I’m just used to that movie but overall that movie feels less gross than his other early ones. It’s def not a PC friendly movie and def of its time (the R word is said a lot) but if you know all this I think one would have fun.

Desperate Living is something else though. I think I’ve only seen one other time, although I have seen Mink’s (Peggy) rant at the beginning out of context a bunch of times for pleasure. It’s a wild movie, it starts right away with Mink having a breakdown at her second store bedroom yelling at children outside. Not long after that there’s naked children (you don’t see anything inappropriate which was a relief) and then at some point Mink’s husband is dead and she and her lesbian nurse Grizelda (Jean Hill) are on the lamb from the police. One cop catches up with them and Mink and the nurse have to give up their panties to the cop who then proceeds to strip to his underwear and he puts them on. Next he demands that they give him a kiss, they oblige and this leads to the cop laying down on the ground, making weird noises.

The rest of the movie is set in a shantytown Mortville (except for one quick moment outside of like a liquor store and one scene at a hospital where a character demands at gun point to get a sex change, that whole sex change bit is all done distastefully as expected and borderline lazy but it’s the 70’s!) where Edith Massey (Queen Carlotta) plays an evil Queen who rules the area so the movie is the two characters adapting to this place and we’re introduced to even more whacky characters!

There was so much nudity in the movie and not female nudity but male too. It was a real boob and dick and ass fest! (And some vagina too) Susan Lowe (Mole) and Liz Renay (Muffy) kind of becomes the co-leads couple of the movie during this part of the movie along with Mary Vivian Pierce’s Princess Coo-Coo (daughter of the Queen) and Mink. Grizelda has a house fall on her during the movie (spoilers) and that was a bummer because she was a fun character. Anyways, Queen Carlotta declares a backwards day, everyone in Mortville has to walk backwards or they’ll face death. Very harsh, this leads to Mole to start a rebellion. And that’s pretty much the movie. I’m sleepy so it’s not the best description.

It was fun recognizing all the lesser known Dreamlanders in this movie from Female Trouble.

The other real highlights for me were:

- Mole’s flashback as a wrestler

- Mink dressed up like the wicked witch, cooking up a rabies brew.

- the dual lesbian sex sequence where Peggy and Grizelda have loud sex while Muffy and Mole also have loud sex.

- twice Queen Carlotta has loud hetero sex with her guards, I think she’s fully clothed in these scenes and the guys are all naked. Like I said lots of dicks!

- the four pals go to Mortville’s nudist colony where Mole has a regular conversation about her day with a naked woman and all the whole during their conversation we see like naked guys on pogo sticks and naked guys and gals playing like sports. It was wild. Def not something you see in most movies.

Not a great movie but still all these moments added up to a good time to me.

Just being in a movie theater as the city feels like it’s on the verge of lifting even more mask policies was interesting. I think I would’ve been more off put by seeing people without masks if I wasn’t used to seeing that on the bus, work, eating in fast food places and so many other places. It’s not for everyone for sure. The rules are just so odd. I’m repeating myself but it bears repeating you must wear a mask to go inside but when you’re in you can take your eat popcorn or sip a drink so idk! Like I said I’m already kind used to be around people who aren’t wearing masks even in indoor places, it is a little different being in a semi-packed movie theater but it seemed like 60/40 of the people in the place were pretty good at keeping their masks on, not the people around me though, I guess Waters movies brings out that rebellious spirit in people even if it’s misguided. It didn’t bother me enough to leave though so again, I just have to get used to it if I really do want to go to the movies again so yeah it is what it is.

Overall I had a pretty fun night, I’m glad I saw these movies and I wish I was more knowledgeable about the Fast and the Furious movies. And I wish I was a good writer because both John Waters movies and the Fast & the Furious movies are kind of about outcasts becoming a family, not in the traditional sense but like a real supportive community. And there’s a link that crime is totally involved too. I feel like I’d need a third thing to tie them together too but there’s something kind of there, right? I don’t know the Fast movies well enough to even try to write a piece like that but I did think of it as I contemplated when I’ll go to the movies again which will probably be the next Fast movie which I hope will be good, fun trash!

[pellucidthings]

For the end of year meme: 14, 15, 23.

(From this fic meme.)

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

Oh, all of them? My AO3 page is a bit deceiving because I uploaded all the old stuff in 2014, but the last proper fic I wrote before this year was in February 2011 (A Fairer House than Prose, Alias, Jack/Irina, for the record). In the intervening years I poked lightly at different fandoms, but was really only keeping a toe in the door in a lot of ways. It made me sad, but it sort of felt like that was behind me. And after six years of no inspiration whatsoever I really didn’t expect I’d ever fall hard for a fandom again, much less start writing again. And then out of the absolute blue there was Sister Bernadette, and suddenly I was back in fandom and even writing some fic again. 

The first one, though–Over the Hills and a Long Way Off–was the most surprising. I’d been playing around with some ideas at that point but hadn’t put anything worth reading down on (virtual) paper, and none of the ideas were even remotely this one. And then I had…feelings, shall we say, about the birth of Teddy Turner, and this is what came out. It was cathartic, trying to get out of my head and into Timothy’s at that moment, and I think it came out rather well, especially for being the first effort after such a fic hiatus.

15. something you learned this year

Hmm, many things. I think in some ways I’ve learned more through @gabolange‘s writing than my own. Once upon a time I had aspirations as a creative writer, and then I discovered that I’m a much better and happier literary critic than I am a fiction writer. So playing with my own fic is fun and often rewarding, but sitting behind the scenes through the writing and editing process with someone whose writing I adore is really the thing I’m better at. I think we both learned some important things about our beta relationship, despite having done a great deal of this in the past, and mostly I remembered how great it is to have deep and extensive conversations about good fic.

The other thing I learned, though, is that I’m sooooooo bad at just writing people being happy! All gabolange wanted was happy Turners pwp for her birthday, and I eventually managed to come up with You Against the Sky, but it was like pulling teeth! And not because I hadn’t written smut since 2009-ish (or not only because of that) but because…they were just happy? What am I supposed to do with that?!? :P

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

The list is fairly long, and I will leave out the ones I hope will still happen. The big one that feels like it might not happen because I’m out of the CtM headspace now is a character piece for Shelagh spanning late s2-early s4. I would still love to write it, but there’s enough research involved, plus the prospect of rewatching s3, which I don’t really want to do but would need to do for this to succeed, and…I’m not super hopeful.

Another thing I’ve been vaguely threatening to write since I got into Doctor Blake but probably won’t is the AU where they start sleeping together somewhere in late s2, are really bad at talking about it, and then we imagine that everything we see onscreen in s3 still happens exactly as we see it. Because…that could totally have happened. Maybe. :) But it’s less compelling than a lot of other things on my list, and I do not write particularly regularly, and besides, @rahleeyah is doing a fantastic job playing with a not dissimilar idea in Loneliness. So I’d be surprised if I get to that one.

The big one that I really would like to write at some point, though, despite being daunted by the research, is Mei Lin’s story. My thoughts about how badly the show fucked her over are…extensive. And I would like to fix that. She deserves better.

[saybwee]

My story - Childhood

As I threatened last night, it’s time to tell my story. My memory is horrible for my early years, so there may be a lot I forget, but onwards! My life starts as most do, with being born. In Greenville, South Carolina, the hospital was closing, but that’s where my mother was taken to have me. They clocked my birth according to my dad’s watch cause the clock had already been removed from the room and none of the doctors or nurses were wearing watches. It was 1:58 pm, April 14th, 1983. 

About a year later, my parents moved to be closer to theirs, and Ladson, SC is where we moved. It was a mobile home, I believe, a small walk away from where my mother’s parents lived, on a large-ish piece of land. 

I don’t remember much about that time of my life. I know my grandfather grew big round sweet grapes in his yard. I remember being on someone’s shoulders, looking up and seeing the moon bigger than I ever had before, like I could reach out and touch it. One time I got in big trouble because I walked over to my grandparents’ place by myself to visit them without telling my parents. They stomped me home and put me into the corner. I remember crying because I had no idea what I’d done had been wrong. I remember being sat on the couch with my cousin (son of my dad’s sister), then having him walk and stomp all over me with his shoes. I remember making my mom rescue an earthworm that was in an ant hill and being swarmed. Not much else.

When we moved from that house, I was about 5, and my mom took a video of the place, our house and my grandparents’. I was with her most of the time, (and because at this point I’ve seen that stupid video 3264754736 times, which included every time I brought a significant other to meet them, and during my dad’s drunken rewatches because he misses when I was little and not a disappointment to everyone in the family), I also know that at that point my mom’s younger sister and brother were living at my grandparents’ place at the time as well.

We moved into another mobile home, this time in a relatively well-kept trailer park. While I attended kindergarten and elementary school, I was eager in school and worked hard to make my parents proud, though I was always a teacher’s pet, quiet, chubby, and so got made fun of quite a bit by other kids. I guess I brought it somewhat on myself. I remember my first kindergarten friend, M, and I running around on all fours outside during recess, pretending to be animals. Eventually my parents made me stop hanging out with her, because they thought she was a bad influence. She told my parents when she stayed over one night that she was a witch or something, and because “she was a liar” she was forcibly removed as a friend.

Eventually I made a friend on my street named K. K lived with her brother and her mom who had divorced, and eventually her mom’s new husband moved in. They were a really nice family, though I honestly had more fun hanging out with K’s little brother than I did with her (I preferred his K’nex and liking to pretend to be dinosaurs over the contemporary christian music and dolls my other friend liked to play with. This caused a lot of fights, but we tended to make up and spend time together anyway.)

When I went to middle school, I was bullied. A group of kids would make fun of me, steal my tests and cheat when the teacher wasn’t looking, and in general harassed and intimidated me, though I don’t think they were ever violent. I asked my mom to put me in a private school to get away from the bullying. She didn’t, but my dad did go to the school to complain. I was sent to the office, then in walked the girls that had been harassing me, all staring me down with horrible angry looks while the (counselor, I think) basically told them to lay off of me. I think the bullying got a bit worse before I got better. Every move I did, even as simply as pulling my pants up a bit cause they were sliding down, was scrutinized and made fun of. I learned to hate and fear those quiet voices that always ended in stares and giggles. 

In 4th grade I graded high enough on a placement test that I was put in a gifted and talented program. Because of this, my parents kept raising the bar of what they thought were acceptable grades and behavior. Anything below an A after this point was met with disappointment, angry words, and sometimes yelling. (You can imagine what happened when I failed a math class in high school, heh).

Around this time I had made a couple more friends on my street. One birthday my parents gifted me with a wooden playhouse that they’d built, about the size of a smallish shed, with a little table and chairs inside, a door, and a window. I have no idea how it happened, or who started it, but I guess when I was around 11 some friends and I started playing Truth or Dare and strip Uno in the playhouse. It lasted a good number of months,  Eventually one kid ran out, opening his big mouth about what had happened, loud enough for his dad to hear. We all got in trouble, and grounded by our respective parents, but I was grounded for a month whereas the others were outside and playing after a week or so. This was after my dad had yelled at me and hit my arm repeatedly and told me I was a sorry, stupid person, and who knows what else. My mom had to grab me and take me to the car and drive around to give him time to cool off, all the while basically telling me not to be a slut like my dad’s sister. So yeah, great family bonding.

Also in this time, if I ever complained that I missed the dogs my parents kept adopting and giving away when they had behavior issues, I was yelled at, though I did have some wonderful pets when I was growing up. Prina, the first cat I picked out at the SPCA, basically turned into my guardian, following me around when I’d play outside, or walking me to or from where the bus picked me up or dropped me off. Magick, a tiny fluffy kitten found under our neighbor’s car, became our second cat, though my dad resisted for the longest time, not being very fond of cats. I also had a hamster or two, a hedgehog (we gave him away when he bit the crap out of my hand and wouldn’t let go and I was too afraid to handle him after that) and temporarily adopted frogs and lizards (even a turtle once, from my grandparents’ pool) in jars or boxes that I would observe and release the next day. My dad eventually brought home a pomeranian puppy that my mom fell in love with. It essentially became her dog though, as it didn’t seem to like being around me much.

This is also when I remember my dad’s drinking becoming a problem. I told my mom I kept seeing him drink and trying to hide it, and she suggested I talk to him about it. When I did, my dad called me a liar and made me wait on the couch for hours until my mother came home so he could “tell her what I did”? I don’t remember his reasons, I just remember apologizing a lot and changing my story that I didn’t see anything. I was scared of him.

There was one time my dad wanted to take me to a Nascar race. I wanted his approval and his excitement was infectious, so I went. I was maybe 12 or 13. It was at Daytona Beach a few hours away. While we were driving, my dad started head-bobbing at the wheel, his eyes barely open, and the car was swerving. I yelled at him to stop the car and let me out, I was terrified. He managed to park at a gas station, and I got out and ran to a hotel that I could see from the car. I was crying so much... but the employees there were very nice, stuffed me full of donuts and let me use the phone to call my mom so she could come get me. According to my dad, while I was waiting for her to get me (about an hour and a half away or something), the police came and he was taken away in handcuffs. I'm not sure who called them, actually. Either way, on our way home, my mom and I stopped at a hardware store and got a new doorknob so my mom could change the lock. We got home, and my mom started changing the doorknob, and then my dad came in, in full rage mode, slamming the door open and smashing my mom in the head with the knob, and chasing me into my room where he proceeded to yell at me about what a stupid, selfish bitch I was and that he'd never been more humiliated in his entire life. He swore up and down he wasn't drunk though and they let him go?? The details aren't clear.

For a while my parents separated and after promising he wouldn’t drink anymore, and because I guess I was spending too much time on the internet after school and had other behavioral issues (jesus I wonder fucking why, maybe cause I was traumatized and couldn’t stand being around my parents? Who knows), my dad moved back in and began to drink again. My mother made excuses for him, and blamed me if I was upset because of my dad’s behavior, telling me not to let him rule my emotions. 

There are times I remember seeing my drunk dad piss in the sink, walk around with his junk hanging out, stuff food in his face while standing at the fridge and making the most disgusting noises. He called me names while he was drunk, told me I was stupid and worthless. Drunk Dad was something I dealt with every night all through middle and high school, and two years after.

It wasn’t all bad though. Even though there were a lot of things my mom did that I felt were controlling, privacy-breaking or unfair, she made my birthdays awesome, throwing me big parties with some friends I’d made from school. My mom is good at making holidays and birthdays feel really special. She’s also good at being really nice sometimes and absolutely awful other times, but that’s a story for another day.

So we’ve made it, in a very convoluted and weird way, to my high school years, which I’ll get into in the next post. Thank you for reading my weirdness!

[birdlord]

What I Watched in 2016

Here are the movies and TV series I watched in 2016, some with commentary and some without. The number after the movies is the date of release, my faves are bolded, and rewatches are marked with as asterisk. Last year’s list!

01 Do I Sound Gay (14)

02 We are The Best! (13)

03 Hateful Eight (15)

04 Welcome to Me (14)

05 For Your Eyes Only (81) - I listened to a lot of back episodes of the James Bonding podcast early this year, which of course led to watching a bunch of Bond movies. Not all, and not in order, certainly.

06 She’s the One (96)

07 * Diamonds are Forever (71)

08 It’s Complicated (09) - I think it was an article about the kitchen design in this movie that led me to watch it?

09 The Natural (84)

10 * Anna Karenina (12) - Never having read the book I can’t REALLY speak to this movie but haha I kinda love its commitment to artifice. 

11 About Time (13)

12 What We Do in the Shadows (14) - I did enjoy this, but wasn’t as taken by it as I thought I might be. Found the werewolves the funniest by far, so I wish they’d turned up more often. 

13 The Abominable Bride (15) - counting this as a movie, it was the Sherlock xmas special and I recall exactly zero about it, so…..must have been amazing, right?

14 Wake in Fright (71) - Never Go To Australia 

15 Hail Caesar (16) - I think I’d have to see it again to determine if the whole thing actually holds together, but at the time, it felt of a piece with the Coen’s cheerier output. 

16 In the Heart of the Sea (15)

17 The Night of the Comet (84)

18 Laggies (14)

19 * Bowling for Columbine (02)

20 A Gentleman’s Agreement (47) - confessional, experiential journalism, but done by Cary Grant in the 40s. Ahead of his time/gender?

21 Barefoot in the Park (67)

22 Suddenly Last Summer (59)

23 Tangerine (15)

24 * His Girl Friday (40)

25 That Touch of Mink (62)

26 * Charlie’s Angels (00)

27 9-5 (80) - Holy shit, somehow I thought this movie was just a rah-rah, girl power story about a bunch of secretaries getting together and overthrowing their boss and yeah, that’s SORT OF it but it gets way way weirder in the final third.

28 * Who Framed Roger Rabbit (88)

29 * The Addams Family (91)

30 * Addams Family Values (93)

31 Frida (02)

32 Bridge of Spies (15) - A E I O U and sometimes SPIES :O

33 Swimming With Sharks (94)

34 Sleeping With the Enemy (91)

35 Fatal Attraction (87) - Watched this movie and the previous one as part of an 80s/90s thriller weekend. These two are an interesting contrast to one another, being as the first is about an abusive husband and the second focuses on the most notable example of the “crazy ex-girlfriend”.

36 1 Cloverfield Lane (16)

37 The Man Who Never Was (56)

38 * To Die For (95) - This was a super fave of Teen Emily, who definitely identified with the Lydia character. Watching this time was a huge reminder than Illeana Douglas is a goddamn national treasure.

39 Trouble In Paradise (32)

40 Eraser (96)

41 * Flashdance (83)

42 * Notting Hill (99)

43 Gone to Earth (50) - Not the best Powell and Pressburger out there, but one takes what one can get, right?

44 Holiday Camp (47)

45 Never Sleep Again (10) - This is a four-hour doc about the entire Nightmare on Elm St series, and is the reason I watched Freddy’s Revenge a couple of movies down the list. It’s not a series that I have a particular attachment to, so I learned a ton.

46 Clouds of Sils Maria (15)

47 Mommie Dearest (81) - I’m not sure that I have enough appreciation for high camp to really get into this. There were some moments, but overall it’s a fine example of the kind of thing that is Not For Me.

48 Nightmare on Elm St: Freddy’s Revenge (85)

49 Inside Man (06)

50 Trainwreck (15)

51 White God (14)

52 * Sleepwalk With Me (12)

53 Amy (15)

54 * Meatballs (79)

55 Everybody Wants Some!! (16) - I found this a huge disappointment, and I’ve been a bit mystified by its positive reviews and inclusion on critics’ end of year lists. While D&C definitely has a “main character”, and we do follow him and his friends, other people and subsets of the high school are given serious time and consideration. Ultimately, I don’t think following this one dude tripping through a bunch of different college subsets was as illuminating. Plus, weak jokes.

56 * Dazed & Confused (93) - had to cleanse the mind-palate by watching the original!

57 Summertime (55)

58 The Money Pit (86)

59 Zombeavers (14)

60 Mistress America (15) - I am finding Greta Gerwig more and more charming, the more I see of her. Greta, let’s be friends!

61 While We’re Young (14)

62 The Invitation (16) - quite effective, very upper-middle-class bohemian LA horror film. I’ve heard some complaints about the final scene, but I thought it was an effective & clever way to show an expanding scope without an extra expense or sets.

63 End of Days (99)

64 Escape From New York (81)

65 Escape from L.A. (96) - Watched these two together, on the same night. They definitely should NOT be watched that way, given how identical the plots are. Unbelievably terrible ’96-era CGI in the second one, hard to believe that Jurassic Park was three years previous?? Gotta get that Spielberg money, am I right?

66 High Rise (16) - my only real disappointment in this movie was not being around to see the decline of the civilization - we jump straight from things being fine (if weird) and everything gone to heck. My favourite part is the decline, give me decline!

67 The Great Outdoors (88)

68 * Catch Me If You Can (02)

69 Little Darlings (80) - just your classic losing-virginity-at-camp story, but…wait for it….with GIRLS.

70 * Good Will Hunting (97)

71 Popstar (16) - diminishing returns, but some funny bits (mostly in the songs, not surprisingly). 

72 Tarzan (16) - watched this with friends and relatives, at a drive-in theatre a couple of days after my wedding! It’s NOT a good movie, but it was a fun time.

73 Love & Friendship (16) - got completely obsessed with Tom Bennett based on his 100% rate of scene-stealing in this film. Sevigny feels utterly out of place - am I capable of seeing her in a period piece set before, say, 1975 without feeling weird about it?

74 The Night Before (15)

75 Ghostbusters (16) - So I know I was supposed to be charmed by Kate McKinnon, but her schtick just doesn’t work on me, for whatever reason. I was also really frustrated by the final fight scene of this movie - it had obviously been hacked up in editing, and wtf is up with punching ghosts instead of containing them? I’m glad this movie happened, and certainly a great deal of the criticism it came in for was deeply unfair, but it was distinctly disappointing to find that this movie just wasn’t that great.

76 Brooklyn (15)

77 Poltergeist (82)

78 * Before Sunrise (95)

79 Love & Basketball (00) - Effusive praise for this movie somehow came to my attention from all over the place this year, so I finally had to watch it.

80 The Man Who Knew Too Much (56)

81 * Road House (89)

82 Carol (15) - watching this FINALLY allowed me to fully participate in Today’s Meme Culture

83 * Out of Sight (98)

84 Happy Texas (99)

85 Red Rock West (93)

86 Weiner Dog (15)

87 The Trouble With Harry (55)

88 * When Harry Met Sally (89)

89 Jungle Fever (91)

90 Ocean’s 11 (01)

91 Star Trek Beyond (16)

92 Two For the Road (67)

93 * Seven Year Itch (55)

94 Maggie’s Plan (15) - like I said earlier about Greta Gerwig? I liked this one even more than Mistress.

95 The Dish (00)

96 Splash (84)

97 Desk Set (57) - watching this and the next were inspired by stumbling across a blog about depictions of librarians on film. I particularly hit on this one because I’ve always wanted to see a Hepburne/Tracy film, and never had (to my memory, anyhow).

98 Party Girl (95) - one of those movies I’d always noticed on the shelves at the video store, and never actually watched it.

99 * Young Frankenstein (74) - saw this in the theatre, Gene Wilder notwithstanding I…..don’t think it’s good. It’s only extremely intermittently funny, you guys! Plus, the Putting’ on the Ritz bit makes me uncomfortable (especially in audio-only form, which I heard TOO many times after Wilder died).

100 The House of the Devil (09)

101* The Witches of Eastwick (87)

102 The Borning (81)

103 * Shaun of the Dead (04)

104 Dolores Claiborne (95)

105 The Conjuring 2 (13)

106 In a Valley of Violence (16) - definitely watched this because I happened across an article about the movie’s dog star. 

107 The Witch (16) - very effective in getting across the supernatural, natural, and social dangers of early puritan America, and Black Philip has entered my idiolect for any creepy animal/person/twitter feed. 

108 * Wayne’s World (92)

109 What if (13) - riffs on When Harry Met Sally’s fundamental question of women and men being friends, and basically comes to the same conclusion. yawn.

110 The Martian (15) - I read the book as part of a book club last year, and finally got around to watching the film. Since I found the worst of the writing in the book to be those passages dealing with description, the movie was a lot less annoying to experience.

111 Sleepless in Seattle (93)

112 * Thelma & Louise (91)

113 Casino (95)

114 Other People (16) - wept several times. GOSH I love Jesse Plemons, he’s so hugely sympathetic. Would watch in virtually anything.

115 The Life & Death of Colonel Blimp (43)

116 Primary Colors (98)

117 Edge of Seventeen (16)

118 *Die Hard (88) - loaded up the laptop with this and the next four xmas-set movies, for watching on planes and in airports, while we were on the road at christmastime.

119 *Batman Returns (92)

120 *Scrooged (88)

121 * The Apartment (60)

Theatre - 5

Drive-in - 1

All the rest at home or at friends’ homes!

TV SERIES

*The Office US S2-3

War & Peace (2016) - you bet your BOOTS I started the book after watching this. Did I finish it? Not even close.

Love (2016)

Better Call Saul S2 - this is a show I enjoy while I’m watching it, but I don’t particularly find it memorable. Why? Who knows. It’s still something I look forward to, but not a show that sticks with me.

Great British Bake off *S1, *S2, S7 + Xmas Specials - a eulogy for Bake-Off as it was. Pour one (pint of double cream, that is) out for what once was.

Broad City S5

Travel Man S1, S2 - I find Richard Ayoade so desperately charming, but ever time I’ve watched one of the movies he’s directed, I’ve ended up disappointed. This show is a bit hit or miss, depending on the guests he brings along, and the episodes definitely have a sameness to them, but if you find this guy even a sliver as entertaining as I do, it’ll pull you along anyhow.

The Night Manager - so looking forward to Hugh Laurie’s upcoming career phase as Bond Villain.

Cooked

Newsradio S1-S3 - I’d seen an episode or two of this over the years but never sat down to fully appreciate it. It’s making me miss Phil Hartman all over again, a fresh devastation, plus haha did u know Tone Loc plays a security guard on this show? It’s all true.

Lady Dynamite

OJ Made In America - I’ll count this as a series, since I didn’t watch it in the theatre. Still haven’t seen the other big OJ series of 2016, but I loved loved LOVED this. What impressed me the most is that, in spite of its 7 hour+ running time there were still aspects of this story that could have been expanded upon.

Silicon Valley S3

* Veep S1, S2

Catastrophe S2

Pulling - went back in time to get more Sharon Horgan in my life, since Catastrophe seasons are terribly short and far-between. I’d been aware of this show for a long time, and somehow wasn’t expecting it to be as near-devastating as it ended up being. What, did I forget what a British show was like?

Another Period S2

Difficult People S1, S2 - Another late discovery, but a great one. A fine example of just giving some funny people a show, and letting them just do their thing on it every week.

Fleabag - yes, I’m in for this, obviously. And if I wasn’t, the show designed itself to put me off, from the first moments. A wise move!

One Mississippi

Very British Problems S1, S2

Atlanta - I’ve got a bad feeling that this show’s deserved success will lead to surreal elements being deployed, but much less deftly than they were here.

Please Like Me S1-S4 - Tore through this entire series greedily, am now suffering until they make another season. Balances some very harrowing elements with comedy and an ensemble cast of loveable/terrible humans.

Divorce - Sharon Horgan’s writing minus her acting is a hollow empty shell, but hey, I’ll take what I can get, when I can get it.

The Fall S3 - I’d decided last year after S2 that I was done with this show, and yet, here we are, I was drawn back in.

The Crown

Insecure

[zahramalik]

♥️ — EXPANSION.

They weren’t all predators, but in Tybee she was always someone’s prey. She had willingly let the beautiful, golden quarterback slide his hands under her skirt after school every day for six months, a precious secret they both looked forward to keeping every time. He’d blast Sum 41 in his car, a soundtrack for the way their bodies  It was the purest thing she had at that point, their stolen kisses becoming only thing that was selfishly hers and untouched by the ugliness of the world she grew up in the last fifteen years. For the first time in her life she got to see stars, passionate constellations strewn across the roof of his car. The lights faded into dust when he balked at her suggestion of attending the high school formal together, and Zahra quickly learned that there were two types of girls and only one type of man. She was the Jezebel that made him gasp her name in dark and he looked at her body like she was sent from heaven, but he would never say her name in front of his parents or look at her with anything but lewd desire in public. There were two types of women, and she denied him the privilege to have both; he got another girl he could plan dates with and she got her heart broken. He married his sweetheart immediately after high school, Rima said years later, right on the beach in front of Aphrodite herself. But Zahra knows it’s far from a blessed marriage, because he still sends desperate emails to her dead account, writing words she wished he would’ve said back when she was young and naive enough to believe them.

Her obsession with old Hollywood started when she was just growing out of Sesame Street, and her mother forgot to pay the cable bill. The local video store was closing down and Zahra was able to snag a large, deserted box of VHS classics to take home. She fell in love with the black and white starlets, and spent most of her nights falling asleep to “Moon River.” She never grew tired of rewatching the same movies over and over again, memorizing all the words and attempting to mimic the old timey accents. Her obsession didn’t wane after she learned about Hollywood’s dark, torrid history, how behind the scenes everyone was horrible to each other and to themselves but they still created a legacy that left ordinary folks starry-eyed and envious. Zahra figured that life had already dealt her a lousy hand, and seeking to be immortalized in film was as good of a plan as any.

You’ll have a hard time getting Zahra to admit her favorite movie. It’s one of many secrets she keeps close to her chest, locked up in the confines of her heart. Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable’s last film, The Misfits, speaks to Zahra in a way no other film does. She’s always been enchanted by the stunning performances on screen and the drama that occurred on set behind the scenes. Zahra’s heart ached for Monroe and Gable and Montgomery Clift’s untimely ends; she cried for these icons that she would only ever know through the black and white scenes penned by Arthur Miller. Just like her, they kept putting on a spectacular show no matter what turmoil stirred beneath their made-up skin. On the rare occasion when she does pour her heart out about why she loves The Misfits so much (to the point where she cried once she wore out her original VHS tape), it’s clear that she is just as passionately in love with the actors as much as, if not more, than the characters. It’s impossible for her to not go off on a tangent about why Monroe’s romance with Miller was always destined for failure or how without Elizabeth Taylor, Clift wouldn’t have been alive to make the film.

Is very picky when it comes to what she puts on her phone, which is several generations old. Zahra likes her apps organized in a very specific way but there’s no rhyme or reason to her method; doesn’t allow any unread alerts stay on for too long, the red bubbles like little zits she needs to pop off her screen. Zahra doesn’t keep any embarrassing photos on her phone, and deletes all the unflattering selfies from the cloud immediately. Her photo album is as well curated as a museum, housing only art, no mistakes or rough drafts. Social media bores her to death — she doesn’t need validation from strangers on the internet, because she’s self-aware enough to know it’s shallow and given too freely to mean anything. And if she desperately wanted to share her opinions or air out her grievances, she’d just talk to a person or write in a diary. But ironically, she enjoys watching beauty tutorials on Youtube, because it’s as though she has someone to talk to without having to actually talk to someone. And she wouldn’t be as skilled with makeup application without the Internet. Music takes up a small percentage of the storage on her phone — her preferred media are movies, podcasts, and audiobooks. Most of her favorite movies are from the Golden Age of Hollywood, and the books she listens to are all biographies about famous women in film or the histories of theater — historic movies and books about history. The podcast she keeps up with the most is “You Must Remember This,” and recommends it to anyone who actually thinks to ask her for her opinion, which isn’t often.

Has a secret, deeply passionate love affair with David Bowie’s music. Zahra doesn’t know his birthday or any trivia to prove that she’s a “real fan,” but she can recite every song by heart and she’ll insist that’s what truly matters in the end. Bowie makes up 85% of her abysmally limited music library, not that anyone would ever know. Zahra could never imagine herself as one of his underaged groupies or devout fangirls but Bowie speaks to her soul in a language too profound to be made up of just mere words. He made spectacles out of everything and relished in it — his music, his performances, his wardrobe. All too often, Zahra felt like an outsider, an extraterrestrial from Mars that people wanted to dissect until they grew bored with whatever mystery initially let them in. And Bowie made music for the weird little alien in everyone, including her. No matter what she’s doing off-camera, Bowie’s always bouncing off the walls of her home day and night. She’s incapable of getting ready until “Rebel Rebel” is blaring, no matter how late she’s running or how many people are waiting on her. Yet Zahra would sooner drop dead than ever admit that she actually shed a tear when she found out he died in 2016. She doesn’t place people on pedestals but Bowie is the one man who will forever own her heart.

Zahra makes the best spaghetti and meatballs. This is the hill she will die on, and she’s not afraid to trash your Italian grandmother in order to prove it. Her homemade marinara sauce is loaded with tons of onions and garlic, served with golf ball-sized beef that’s been stuffed with fresh parmesan cheese and a variety of fresh herbs she’s collected from the community garden. She first attempted the recipe when she was ten, with a jar of sugary sauce from the grocery store and a spare box of ground beef that was about to expire. No seasoning but salt, and the noodles that had been broken into pieces just to fit the tiny pot on their finicky stove. Rima licked her plate clean that night, the perfect temporary remedy for their mother’s neglect.

[viralhottopics]

Meet the woman who built Hollywood from the ground up in ‘Feud’

Image: fx

When it came to crafting Feud: Bette and Joans retro-perfect rendition of Hollywood circa 1962, down to the most exacting detail from Joan Crawfords plastic-covered furniture, to Bette Davis Yankee tchotchkes, to a glittering Academy Awards ceremony no one was better suited for time traveling than production designer Judy Becker.

Having worked on high-profile features like Brokeback Mountain, The Fighter, Silver Linings Playbook and Joy, Becker has become known for her spot-on recreations of very particular places and times in the 20th Century, most memorably the gritty/glam 70s-era New York City of American Hustle, the glossy 1950s backdrops of Carol, and her first jaunt into the realities and faux-realities of early 60s Tinseltown with Hitchock.

SEE ALSO: Meet the woman behind ‘Feud’s’ most fascinating character

Making her first significant foray into television, Becker had to breathe life into one of the most well-documented periods (and two of the most well-publicized lives) in Hollywood history, all under the meticulous eye of Feud producer Ryan Murphy.

Between their keen sensibilities, a mountain of reference material and a painstaking juxtaposition of the everyday glamor and banality of showbiz, Becker has been delivering an exhaustively rendered Hollywood that begs for rewinding and rewatching in each new episode.

Becker recently gave Mashable a peek inside her process and its many pleasures including, she revealed, finding a few choice, still-existing props from the fateful set of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Obviously youve worked in period before. When Feud came your way, what got you interested into delving into this particularly specific world?

I wanted to work with Ryan that was the primary thing. Usually when I decide to do a project that Im offered, its because I want to work with the creator. You probably know, its really my first time doing television, and I was excited about it, because I think theres so much great television happening. His world of television is amazing. I knew he was a very visual director, and his TV shows are so visual, so that was exciting to me. Then when we first met and talked about the period, and the look, and how it would be very glamorous, and a little stylized, it was a very exciting world to me.

I think every time I do period, the characters are different, and the storys different. This is pretty much the same era as Hitchcock was, and that was a Hollywood story too, but its different characters. Joan and Bette were two such famous actresses of their time, and Joan had a very glamorous life. So it was really something new for me, and it was really fun once I started doing it.

I imagine that, more so than in some other cases, you had some very specific reference material end up on your desk, because these two women had their personal and professional lives photographed to a degree that most people didnt.

Yeah, they did. There were a lot of photographs of their homes and of them with the caveat that, at that time, there wasnt as much photography as there is now. In 50 years, anyone whos a celebrity now will have every second of their life documented, and we didnt quite have that. And the other caveat of course was that most of what we got a hold of was publicity shots, so theres an element of artificiality to it, because its staged for the photographers to a degree.

But at the same time, you see whats really there. You could see the details. When I started researching Joans house, I was really confused for, like, two weeks, because I had all these pictures of this house, and I knew it was the same house, but it looked like three different houses. That was because she renovated it so much and so often, that it took a lot of piecing together to figure out what photos were from what era, and when she had changed things, and what was appropriate for us, and what wasnt.

It was almost like a giant Rubiks Cube of Joans house, so that was fascinating. In one photograph, she has this lime green gigantic ottoman in front of the fireplace, and then in another photograph, its the same gigantic lime green ottoman, but with brown fringe on it. And you dont have the exact dates of all these photographs, so there was a lot of detective work in creating a timeline for her world.

In a sense, Bette was almost easier because although Bette moved around a lot, everywhere she lived looked exactly the same, which was like a traditional American colonial house in Connecticut. She had a very, very consistent style. It never really deviated, and that was pretty easy for Bette for when we were doing Bette.

And they have such diametrically opposed environments, which is great establishing them as characters.

That was really true. It was really based on reality. It was interesting to see how true it was when we were doing the research, and Joan was really, for her time, very glamorous and very involved with her image, and the image of being the glamorous woman. Her best friend, William Haines, was the top interior designer of Hollywood of that day, and she really tried to keep up with the fashions and interior design.

I read some interesting things about her later in life. I think some pictures of one of her houses or her apartment were published, and she was criticized for having a Margaret Keane portrait of herself, and some primitive portraits that she had bought in Haiti. She said, Its my taste, and I love it, but theres also a really huge degree of defensiveness that you read in these interviews.

I think it was very important to her that people recognize that she was cultured, and that she read. She was upset when people came to photograph her house, and didnt print a photograph of her library of her books, for example. The public opinion of her, and of her degree of cultured-ness was very, very important to her.

We see great little details, like the plastic covering the furniture in Joans house, and the dominating portrait of herself, as well as similarly distinctive things in Bettes home. Tell me about choosing the details, first to reveal who these people are, and second just because it was a cool historical aesthetic that you wanted to include.

I think in Joans case, she had the same portrait of herself as a young woman over her fireplace her entire life. So that said something about, I suppose, her feelings about herself, her youth, her vanity, her stardom, what the past meant to her. So its not just a decorative item: it was really important, I think, in support of her character.

Then the plastic slip covers were something that Id heard about and I cant remember if theyre in Mommie Dearest or not; I just dont remember, even though I watched it fairly recently. I was really astounded to find how many pictures of them there were. Every place she lived, and on everything my favorite one was a publicity shot of her lying in bed, and shes got plastic on her bed, over her, over the bedspread.

Image: Kurt Iswarienko/FX

It was just really compulsive. In the last couple decades of her life, I know, because we spoke to her interior designer from that time, she was obsessed with cleanliness, and covering everything with plastic. I think in her New York apartment, she ripped out a lot of the wood and put in laminate instead because she felt it was cleaner and easier to clean. So this was a big, big part of her character. We really just refer to it mostly visually in Feud. I think that the audience can draw a lot of conclusions about Joan from it. Its a very interesting part of her.

Its very different when we approach Bettes decor and her interiors, because it was really the whole of her decor that summed up a lot about Bette, which was that Im from New England, Im a serious person, I come from this traditional Yankee background, and thats how Im going to decorate my house, even if its in Beverly Hills or Malibu.

So the things that spoke the most to that were the big brick fireplace with the copper pots, which was definitely in one of her main houses, and the braided rugs, and the tiny patterns on all of the furniture, that I would never have imagined a movie star having in her home if I hadnt seen the photos of it. So with Bette, I think its not any one particular detail, its kind of the whole big picture of how she lived.

Tell me about then moving out into the world of mid-century Hollywood, and particularly doing things like the awards shows the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes. What was the challenge and what was the fun of recreating those environments in that era?

I think its always fun to recreate something like that. The challenge is finding, really, for the Golden Globes, it was Where are we going to shoot this thats not the Beverly Hilton, and looks old, and looks period, and yet we can make it look like that? We ended up shooting it in the Palladium, which was amazingly intact from that era.

The fun part for me, with both that and the Oscars, was reproducing the stage sense. At the Golden Globes, theres like a big cutout on stage, and then all the flags of all the countries. And everything with that and with the Oscars of 1963 was executed in a really inexpensive way.

For me as a designer, one of my biggest challenges on every single project is making something fake look real. So to say, This looks fake, and Im going to make it look fake, and Im going to make it so that it looks fake on purpose, thats a fun thing that I dont usually get to do. And its a little bit of a breather from, This is a fake thing, and Ive got to make it look really real so the audience doesnt think about it for a second, because thats usually my goal.

In the case of the Oscars and the Golden Globes, its this big entertainment industry thing its very temporary. They did all of this for just one night, and thats how it looks, and thats how were going to do it.

One of the great things that you got to build just for yourself was your restaurant set, which I understand was modeled on the legendary Perinos on Wilshire Boulevard its second location, designed by architect Paul Williams. Why was that particular restaurant the right one, out of all the many legendary Hollywood watering holes you might have evoked?

That was a great set. Joan really went there, and so did Hedda [Hopper]. It was a place they actually went, and its pretty well-documented that they went there on a regular basis, and maybe not to Chasens, for example, or Musso & Frank. It was very glamorous looking.

Theres a lot of different worlds in Feud, but one of the worlds that was important was the glamorous world of Hollywood of the movie stars. The glamorous world that the public sees. Perinos was the most glamorous-looking restaurant Ive ever seen photos of from that era with the exception of the Four Seasons restaurant in New York, I just want to say that!

SEE ALSO: ‘Feud: Bette and Joan’ is about so much more than Hollywood’s most infamous catfight

Most of the other restaurants had a lot of wood, and they had the red leather banquettes. I reproduced Chasens and Musso & Frank for Hitchcock, so that was a whole other thing. But Perinos was really different looking. It was round, it was huge, it was white, it had mirrors on all the walls. It had these peach colored banquettes. It was gorgeous.

That was something that I think was really worth building, because it made such a statement about that era, and the glamour of that time, and in a way that you really couldnt with any place that still exists.

I imagine you had a lot of fun redoing the What Ever Happened to Baby Jane environments.

Yes, that was one of the first things I started working on. It was a very low budget movie. Im not sure what the budget was. The set was definitely a low budget set, and was built in the cheapest way imaginable. In black and white, you can get away with more than in color, especially now with high definition. Still, when you look at the stills of Baby Jane, some things that they got away with are amazing.

Theres gaps between the flats that are creating the wall they didnt fill them in; they didnt tape them; they just stuck flats next to each other, and you can see the gaps between them. The floors that were supposed to be wood were made of linoleum. Everything was done in such a kind of heavy-handed and very unsubtle way.

It was a challenge to get the craftspeople that were working on the set to do things sort of badly enough, because everyone wants to do a good job, and make it look real, and make it look well done, and thats not how the Baby Jane set looked. For me, again, its really fun to not have to worry about it being convincing reality, and instead to get to play with it and say, This is fake, and were going to really go with it, because thats how it really was.

You found some genuine talismans from the original film, I understand.

A lot! Thats the great thing about working in Los Angeles: almost the whole history of Hollywood is here. Surprisingly little gets thrown away. So we found the original sofa, and the birdcage, and the piano. The piano was a really unusual looking piano. It really looked more like a harpsichord. I wouldnt have believed it would have been used if I didnt know that it really was the real piano. So there were all of these surprises with that.

Another thing about Baby Jane that was really interesting for me, and particularly because when I did Hitchcock, we reproduced some of the sets from Psycho and I was unable to find any color stills of Psycho, so I never knew how that black and white movie looked in color in reality when it was being shot. But for Baby Jane, we did find color stills, I think at the USC library.

I could see that they had done the sets in a really interesting way. They were really monochromatic. There was a lot of beige, and white, and a kind of very light pink, then super-saturated bright accent colors. We did that in our show. When you see the sets in color, you can see that everythings very faded and monochromatic looking, and then theres these intensely blue curtains, a bright blue pillow on Joan’s bed, and Joan is wearing this vibrant red dressing gown. That is all based on what we saw in the color stills of the sets.

I loved it because there are so many different levels of glamour and heightened reality in Feud. You go from this really beautiful, colorful, glamorous world with Joan Crawford, and then you get to stage, and its pretty boring looking, like most film stages are. Its a lot of equipment, and its a lot of brown wood. But then you walk on to the set, and its almost even more glamorous than Joans house, because these super-bright colors are contrasted with this monochromatic background so that they pop out even more. That was a really interesting way to me, as a designer, to express the degrees of glamour and artificiality through the use of color.

What did you end up falling in love with about this particular period and this moment in time?

I think that for me whether it was falling in love or just [being] really excited and stimulated by, and I mean that in a creative sense it was that play between reality and artificiality, and how to express that, and how to execute it. So that was definitely something about the moment in time. It was something about the world that we were creating, the world of Hollywood.

What I love about that moment in time in general is that it was a fairly minimal, even in a very fancy interior. For the most part, things are fairly minimal compared to today. Those kinds of people have very good interior designers. So the amount of stuff that people had was just more limited. Its harder to do than when you can layer a lot of mess on top of mess, or a lot of objects in a room, or just really clutter things up. Its almost easier to create a set that way, because it disguises any possible flaws, and the audience just sees all this stuff and says, Oh, that looks great. But when youre doing things that are as stylized, and clean, and simple as Joans house, it almost demands more perfection.

Image: fx

Getting to do that, and execute it, and working with the great team members that I had, and working with Ryan, and then seeing the results, its a very, very rewarding feeling, and I think that that was the true love of the whole project for me.

Given how excited you were to work with Ryan, what was your takeaway from the experience?

Huge respect, for one thing. Thats the first thing I would say because Ryan really knows when to push things in a slightly stylized direction, and when to pull back and go very gritty. Theres not a lot of grittiness in Feud, but theres a little bit. He definitely is willing to go in that direction when it calls for it. I love that about working with him, and I really respected his choices, and the way that he wants to shoot things.

One thing Ryan loves is the use of negative space. Hes one of the first directors Ive ever worked with to whom thats a really important concept in the design of the sets. Its something that I really enjoy working with. As I was just saying before, I dont like every surface to be cluttered, I dont like things on every single wall, and neither does he. So in that sense, I think we were extremely well-suited for each other, and to find someone who swears by that use of all or nothing was really inspiring for me, and it was unexpected too.

Now that youve spent so much time in this particular moment in Hollywood, is there another era in Hollywood that youre dying to get a chance to dive into?

Absolutely. The golden era of cinema: the 1970s. Anybody reading this, I want to do that!

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from Meet the woman who built Hollywood from the ground up in ‘Feud’