#and his last wish was literally for him to be happy and live a peaceful life. Okay that was not very heterosexual of you
make it feel like christmas | jjk
✰ pairing: jeongguk x reader
✰ warnings: a little bit of smut (18+ only, minors DNI); unprotected penetrative seggs but reader is on BC (please be safer than this lol); best friends to lovers; jk & reader are both korean international college students in america; i do not live anywhere with snow and have literally never been snowed in in my life so just overlook my ignorance please
✰ word count: 2.9k
✰ note: just thinking about this day six years ago when my sainted crush/best friend had to bang on my dorm room door to wake me up because we were supposed to uber to the airport together and i overslept :’) we ended up dating but i broke up with him 3 months later lmfao enjoy!! and happy holidays ~
✰ listened to: never leave me - meenoi, pH-1; when i fall in love - primary, meego, suran
"Would you quit pacing?"
All flights grounded. Estimated wait time for an available agent: 120 minutes. Sorry, your driver can't make it. Storm of the century. No vacancies.
No, you won't quit pacing, because it's not like there's anything else to do. Outside, the wind howls. Rages. Beats rogue branches against the windows and rattles the glass. You shiver, and he looks up again.
"Here." He starts to wriggle in place, and then you realize he's trying to shed his coat. The one you laughed at when he first showed it to you, the radioactive cyan one with a borderline illegal faux fur collar. (It's the warmest thing he owns, he says, and his mom got it for him for Christmas, so no, he did not get it from the Goodwill clearance aisle, asshole.)
You want to hate him. Somehow, you need this entire situation—no vacancies, no Ubers, no flights out—to be his fault. In a way, it is. Because if he hadn't asked—begged, in fact—you to stay back an extra day so the two of you could fly to Incheon together, you would have flown home yesterday. In peace. Before the mother of all storms barreled into your shitty college town and effectively trapped you in America's fourth-worst suburban airport (according to a glowing review in a prominent national publication).
But alas. You waited for him to finish his Econ 145 final anyway, and you're here, and it's not like he could have seen the winter storm coming because the grim newscaster on the TV at your gate is saying, "No one could have seen this coming." The windows rattle again. You shiver at the cold that somehow seems to seep in through the glass.
You wish, not for the first time, that you'd just gone to school in Korea like the rest of your friends, instead of seeking adventure in middle (read: bumfuck nowhere) America. Or that you were your roommate, an overly enthusiastic blonde named Sammie whose father is a congressman and lives in a McMansion across town. Sammie, you imagine bitterly, has never been trapped in an airport in her life, and if she were, Daddy would pull his Republican strings to get her out. No matter the cost. He could probably bribe the city into re-opening the roads. Could probably strong-arm God Himself into ending the storm.
But you're decidedly not American (nor Republican), and neither is Jeongguk, so both of you are in some deep shit. And down to your last few Sour Patch Kids, no less, because he didn't listen when you snapped at him to save them for the flight, because he never listens.
Like now, when you say, "Keep your coat, seriously, Jeongguk, god," he sheds it and holds it out to you anyway. He only rolled out of bed about four hours ago after his ritual "post-exam nap," and with his fringe falling in his face and brushing his massive cartoon eyes, you have no choice but to drop down beside him and take the damn coat. It's a little disgusting to be sitting like this on an airport floor, but then again, it has to be more comfortable than the plastic, offensively commercial eyesores that the other stranded travelers are monopolizing.
"So we're sleeping here," he confirms out loud, scrolling idly on his phone. "Storm's projected to last until tomorrow morning. At least."
"Great." The word emerges flat, and under normal circumstances you'd watch your tone because you know he's sensitive. And moody. Right now, though, you just want food that isn't one half-melted green (green) Sour Patch Kid or whatever's left of the Cheez-it crumbs or the half-full bottle of $6 Smartwater nestled between his thighs. Consequently, you can't bring yourself to squander your one precious, remaining fuck on Jeongguk's feelings.
He goes quiet after that. You do feel a little guilty, what with his coat so generously wrapped around your shoulders and all.
All your remorse and half-baked apologies fly out the window the second Jeongguk's FaceTime ringtone starts going off and you look down at his screen to see that it's Taehyung.
"Don't. Pick. Up," you grit between your teeth.
He picks up anyway. "Hey," Jeongguk laughs into the camera.
Taehyung, as far as you can tell, is somewhere warm and tropical and far, far away. Behind him, the sky glows an ethereal blue, and you catch glimpses of sunlight reflecting off the ocean. You think you might murder him. "Yo," he says, flashing a peace sign. He's shirtless, hair in slick curls, sunglasses on. Sleazy and hot, all at once. It makes you sick. "What're you up to?"
"Oh, nothing. Just with my lovely, beautiful, totally-not-pissed-at-me best friend at the country's finest airport," Jeongguk replies cheerfully. He knocks his upper arm against yours for emphasis, and you pinch the bridge of your nose to fight your rapidly developing migraine. (You choose to ignore the way your heart skips a beat at "beautiful.")
"Oh, so you two are stuck in that horrible storm, huh?" Tae's voice emerges garbled, broken, and you're reminded for the nth time that Jeongguk blows the entirety of his data plan on inane phone games every month. "Well. You know what they say. Nothing like a good old natural disaster to trap two people together. It’s very romantic, you know. A classic friends to lo—“
Jeongguk hits End Call so fast that you think you might have hallucinated the whole thing.
You hate the utter lack of civility in airports.
Like, really, what is it about getting past TSA and sniffing the aggressively unscented air that suddenly makes it okay to down margs at a Chili's To-Go at 11 AM? Or spend a flat-out extortionate amount of money at a Hudson News for some bottled water and candy?
You and Jeongguk simultaneously get automated alerts around 10 PM. Your flights are rescheduled for tomorrow, 9 AM. Conditions permitting. And then his phone lights up again, but it’s not Taehyung this time. He puts it on speaker, fuck the other travelers.
It’s the Best Quality Inn half a mile away, the one that turned you down two hours ago. A room has unexpectedly opened up for the evening, would Jeongguk Jeon and his friend like to stay? $100 for the night.
It only takes a single glance around the gate full of snifflers who keep glaring at the pair of you for using speakerphone in a public setting for you to say yes, we’d like to stay.
You quickly realize Best Quality is an extremely generous moniker. In fact, you’d even go so far as to call it false advertising, considering the suspicious stain on the bedspread and the little puffs of dust that come up whenever one of you so much as takes a step. Whatever, you think, setting Jeongguk’s coat down on the chair. It’s still cleaner than the airport floor. And better yet, there’s a radiator, one that rattles and clanks ominously but emits blessed, blessed heat.
There’s even a (hideous, mustard-yellow) loveseat. Which is perfect, because there’s only one queen bed. True to form, Jeongguk thinks nothing of this—doesn’t even hesitate before flopping right on top of the bed, spread out like a starfish.
“Ew,” you shriek, swatting at him. “Not in your outside clothes.”
“Dear best friend of mine, we checked our bags, remember?” he says, voice muffled into the sheets. “I have nothing but outside clothes.”
While you pause to consider this, Jeongguk looks up. “Get on here,” he says cheerfully. He rolls over, pats the space beside him. You ignore the dust motes again. “You won’t believe how comfortable it is after that stupid airport floor. God, I thought I was going to die on commercial carpet. Could you imagine?”
You want to protest. Take a shower first. Maybe drown yourself in there, while you’re at it. But you lie down anyway, because the radiator’s so warm and he has those cartoon eyes on again. You wonder if he’s aware that he weaponizes them.
Of course he is. He’s Jeon Jeongguk, your horrible and wonderful best friend. And those stupid eyes are how you ended up in this whole mess, anyway.
Not just the airport. Not just the canceled flight. But your entire existence in America, your decision to leave behind everything you know and start fresh in an entirely different country.
Those stupid eyes.
“What are you thinking about?” he says, uncharacteristically quiet. He has his arms pressed straight down his sides, eyes trained on the popcorn (popcorn) ceiling (God, if the storm doesn’t kill you, the asbestos exposure surely will). He looks terrified to move. Keeps a respectable four-inch distance between you two.
You want to laugh. He looks the way he did at your last high school formal: jumpy, sweating bullets, sticking to the snack table and avoiding the gaze of every pretty girl who asked him to dance. Not that you’d fared much better—you’d gone with Park Jimin that year, and he spent the better part of the evening throwing up bad shrimp cocktail in the men’s room.
“Just thinking about all the chaos you’ve gotten me into over the years. Like, if you hadn’t asked me to go to America with you, I might be a little warmer right now. Or if you’d taken Econ 145 in your sophomore year like literally everyone else—”
He sits up, so fast that you make a noise between a gasp and a shriek. “Hey, you think that mini-fridge has alcohol in it?”
Some hours later, the radiator swims in your vision and you’ve already gotten a noise complaint from the irritated teenager at the front desk, so you sit with your backs against the bed, splitting a pair of Jeongguk’s earbuds.
Christmas music, of the Bing-Crosby-Gene-Autry-Nat-King-Cole variety. You haven’t felt very festive, what with finals week and a raging case of homesickness, and he knows this, so he made a Christmas playlist for you. He knows every little thing about you.
Maybe, possibly, perhaps… you should consider being a little gentler with him.
“If Mariah Carey comes up, I’m going to cry,” you say, very seriously. Your head feels heavy, so you let it drop to his shoulder. Just like late nights at the library and 8 AM lectures and rides home on the decrepit campus shuttle. Just like always.
The two of you have decided not to sleep tonight. Jeongguk’s hopped up on his post-exam nap, and your flight’s in six hours, and you’re one traveling mishap away from committing a war crime, and you can sleep when you’re finally in your luxurious Korean Air economy seat.
But… you’re also a little tipsy, and incredibly warm. You silently take back every derisive thought you've had about the Best Quality Inn in the last two hours, because this is decidedly much better than the airport floor.
A present appears in your vision. You think you’re hallucinating again. You blink twice. It’s definitely a present. A small, neatly wrapped box hovering in front of your face, held out in Jeongguk’s hand. You look closer—the wrapping paper is, naturally, made of airport shopping receipts.
You just squint at it for a second. “What did you do?”
He gives you an indignant look—wide eyes, full pout, chin raised. “Why do you think I did something? Can’t I just get my best friend a present because she means so much to me? Because it's Christmas and I love her so, so much and she means the world to me and I’m so glad she waited for me to finish my Econ—“
“Alright. I get it.” You tear off the receipts. Ignore the way your heart flips over again.
It’s a little reading light from the Hudson News, the one you’d glanced at for maybe ten seconds while Jeongguk examined the pitiful snack selection. How did he know?
You look up at him. You must be really, really tipsy, because he somehow still smells like cologne and laundry detergent after five hours of camping out at the airport and he’s way closer than he should be, but neither of you is making a move to separate.
“It’s really for me, you know,” he says. So quiet, barely above a whisper. Why does his mouth look so soft? Did he always have that jeom under his lip? He swallows. “You know I hate those overhead lights on planes. If you turn yours on I might have to kill you.”
You scoff. Lean a little closer—you’re impatient. “Really? You’d kill your best friend, who you love so, so much? The one who means the world to you?”
You’re only a few centimeters apart when he whispers, “No.”
His eyes drop to your lips, and then float back up. He starts to move away, but he isn’t fast enough. You’re already grabbing him by the neck of his sweater and kissing him.
Surprise melts into hunger, shock into thirst. He tastes like cheap whiskey and fucking Sour Patch Kids and, somehow, like bottled water. He could taste worse, you suppose.
It occurs to you for a brief moment how much it would suck if he doesn’t feel the same way about you. Or what if he does, and everything goes wrong before you graduate? The two of you are literally the only people for miles around from your tiny peninsula country—save Taehyung, who Jeongguk will get in the divorce and who you don't want anyway—and you’ll cry if you have to befriend the other international students and you doubt any of them would drive for hours to the nearest Korean market just to get jjajangmyeon with you—
He sucks softly on your lower lip, and everything melts away. He’s so warm, and so soft, and he smells so good, and he has his hands—warm from the radiator—curved over your cheeks, and he’s holding you so, so gently before you push him down onto the disgusting carpet and climb on top of him to kiss him some more.
You don’t know how much time passes before the two of you are forced to separate for air. Your heart might finally give out on you at the sight of Jeon Jeongguk lying beneath you, cheeks pink and lips swollen and pupils blown.
He smiles, and your heart flatlines.
“Do you think we should talk about this first?” he says quietly. Like your ass isn’t pressed directly on his crotch. Like you don’t feel his length, solid and warm, stirring against you.
You purse your lips, stare up at the (popcorn) ceiling. He’s right, but… “Do you think we can save it for the sixteen-hour flight?”
He swallows thickly. You would honestly make out with his Adam’s apple, which looks unfairly erotic under the dim golden glow of the bedside lamp. “Okay. But we should move to the bed. I’m going to sneeze with all the dust down here.”
Neither of you has a condom, but you’ve been on birth control to regulate your hormones, so…
“Right there, Jeongguk, yes,” you pant. You knew he was packing—he has a (unfortunate, for you) penchant for gray sweatpants, and you don’t like objectifying your best friend, but it’s hard to ignore the bulge even when he’s not hard. But now you really know it. Because the tip of his cock is ramming into your cervix, and it has you seeing stars, even against the dusty (popcorn) ceiling.
He presses furious, urgent kisses to your neck, one hand gripping the headboard as it bangs steadily into the wall, over and over and over. He rolls his hips into you, dips his other hand down to rub circles into your clit because he just knows you’re close and needs you to come before he does—you moan out his name, long and guttural, and then—
Knock knock knock. He freezes, still fully inside of you. You’re so close and so frustrated that you want to cry.
“Noise complaint,” the teenager barks dryly from the other side of the door. “Final notice. One more and you’ll be escorted off the premises.”
Jeongguk turns so scarlet that you burst out laughing.
You wake up just before 10 AM, naked and warm and in the curl of Jeongguk’s arms.
Fuck, you fell asleep. Both of you did. You’re way too young for a hangover, but the mini-bottle of vodka you chugged pounds in your head anyway. You roll over to look out at the snow-covered parking lot, wriggle out of his grip to check your phone.
Five additional alerts. The topmost one, thank fuck, informs you that your flight has now been delayed to 12:30, which gives you—shit—two hours to get back to the airport, back through TSA in time for boarding.
You flip back over to wake him up, and you can’t help it. He’s so serene and warm and breathtaking that you kiss him awake, slowly. Both of you taste like morning breath—the look the front-desk teenager gave you when you asked if they had toothbrushes—but you don’t care.
“Merry Christmas,” he murmurs, nuzzling into your collarbone.
It’s only December 20th, but you don’t correct him. It sure feels like Christmas to you.
“What Are You Doing, Stepbro?” - Chapter Seventeen (Aegon, Aemond, Jace x Reader)
A/N: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG
Summary: You have a... Relaxing start to your weekend with Aegon, Aemond, Helaena, and Jo.
TW: profanity, innuendo, sexual situations, reader BEING AN OBLIVIOUS MORON, Aegon/Aemond/Jace perving, fingering
Word Count: 2,426 words
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon/Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.
Tag List (comment if you wish to be removed - unable to add more unfortunately Tumblr is mean) bold means it didn't let me tag you: @libdarkheart @princessmiaelicia @tired-ninfa @poppyflower-22 @pockeymcmockey @flavorofsalt @bat-revival @tinykryptonitewerewolf @scratchietella @m1ndbrand @svftsunflower @lostingh @babyblue-chaos @jamespotterswh0re @its-halleys-comet @dothrckis @julessworldd @givemeeverything @moonmaiden1996 @caramelcandescence @justanotherkpopstanlol @xdeath-soulx @missbeeentertainment @kaynewestburnbook @haven-is-happy @wonder-harley @candypurplebutterfly @elle4404 @vilia8 @myspotofcraziness @r1dd1kulus @cl-0-vr @jamespotterismydaddy @hedahobbit98 @fuckinglittlekitten @midnightrqin @strangethings-everywhere @simping-for-mgg @evienorville @risaru @wondergal2001 @kingbugboy @munsonandharrington @ultraviollett @tbear244 @maddypaddyladdy @fandoms-unite123 @reddish-kpop @desiree610 @witchofthenorthstar @whymyparentscheckmyphone @blakebearsblog @theedgeofreality @pinkydevil16 @mawofmeraxes @aegonsgf
You watch as Helaena and Jo keep stealing glances at each other on the drive home. It’s honestly the cutest thing you’ve seen in your life. Jo has never been this into anyone so fast. She’s stumbling over her words in a way you’ve never seen before.
When your reach your house, she actually jumps out and opens the door for Helaena, “My lady.”
You have to hold back a burst of laughter at how stupid she’s being, “What about me?”
“You have two hands!”
Your jaw drops but you can’t help but laugh. You get out of the car and enter the house. You show Helaena to the bedroom she’ll be using. Jo points out the room she claimed as hers back in eighth grade.
“It’s not actually your room-“
Helaena laughs at the banter between the two of you before she turns to you, “So how’s it been living with Aegon and Aemond? Have they been nice to you?”
Your eyes widen slightly, thinking of the events of the past few days, “Uh huh, very nice.”
Jo is literally covering her mouth so she doesn’t laugh. Helaena raises an eyebrow.
“Okay, what’s going on here?”
You quickly tell Helaena about everything that’s happened the last few days. At first her eyes are just blown wide almost in horror but then, when she realizes everything was consensual, she starts laughing.
“Well, either way,” she grins, “As your big sister, there’s some actual stuff that you should know. So, I’ll tell you about all that later.”
You always thought Helaena seemed like a nice person, but the way she’s actually treating you like a big sister almost makes you want to cry. You nod at her and smile.
“That sounds good, Helaena.”
She rolls her eyes, pulling you into a hug, “Oh, please. It’s just Hel.”
The three of you hang out for a while, just chatting. And by chatting, you mean Helaena and Jo flirting nonstop while you watch TV.
Aemond gets home before Aegon. When he opens the door, Helaena waves at him. You jump up and rush over to greet him.
“Hi, Aemond,” you smile, “I missed you!”
He presses a kiss to your forehead before embracing you, “I missed you too, sweet girl. Did you have fun with Jace?”
Aemond can tell by the bright red flush on your cheeks that you definitely had fun with Jace. He chuckles to himself as the two of you walk into the living room.
“This must be Jo?” Aemond asks you.
You nod and Jo waves to him, “What up, my man? Great job with Tully’s nose. You, sir, have earned my respect.”
She pounds her chest and makes a peace sign. You hold your head in your hand, feeling totally embarrassed. Aemond chokes back a laugh while Helaena looks at him dubiously.
“Someone’s nose, Aemy?” Helaena raises an eyebrow.
“He was disrespecting Y/N,” Aemond shrugs, taking off his coat, “Personally, I think I let him off a little too easy, considering he’s still giving her problems.”
Jo frowns, “Yeah, he’s an asshole. Luckily, the only class she has with him, Jace is in it too. They don’t even sit near him anymore.”
“He’s always glaring at me though,” you add, the memory of Robin’s icy blue gaze making you cringe, “I don’t know. He’s just a very unhappy person, I guess.”
“Y/N,” Aemond says gently, turning you to face him, “You’re a sweet girl, but you don’t have to be so polite toward someone who’s been so disrespectful toward you. The boy is a cunt.”
Your eyes widen at the word, “Aemond!”
Jo and Helaena look at each other and are holding back their laughter while Aemond lifts your chin up so you’re looking at him, “Say it with me, Y/N. Robin Tully is a cunt.”
You shake your head vigorously, “No! Are you crazy?”
He grins at you devilishly, “Y/N, sweetheart, say it with me. Repeat after me. Robin Tully.”
You take a deep breath, “Robin Tully.”
You bite your lip and mumble the next word, “Cunt.”
Aemond clicks his tongue, chuckling again, “Y/N, darling, I know you can do better than that. Louder.”
You glower at him, and he vaguely thinks you look like a little grumpy kitten, “You suck!”
He laughs, “Come on, say it! You know it’s true.”
“Robin Tully is a cunt,” you mumble.
“Louder!” Aemond, Jo, and Helaena yell.
“ROBIN TULLY IS A CUNT!”
And Aegon walks in right at that moment. He looks between the three of you, thoroughly amused.
“Did I miss something? Y/N’s using swear words now?” Aegon moves in to give you a hug and pats you on the butt lightly, “Proud of you, baby.”
“Shut up,” you grumble, making everyone laugh.
The five of you decide to order in pizza and have a movie night. Jo and Helaena, not surprisingly, sit beside each other on the sofa. Helaena offers you the spot on her other side, but when you see Jo shaking her head and nonverbally begging with you not to sit with them, you bite back a laugh and tell her you’re going to sit with Aemond. He smirks to himself, feeling pretty self-satisfied.
You guys settle on watching “American Pie”. You’ve never seen it before. Your dad doesn’t really like you watching these kinds of movies. But you’re surprised at how funny you find it.
Aegon starts quoting the entire movie, his arm around you while Aemond’s hand is on your knee under the blanket you share.
Aegon leans in and whispers after they’re talking about how third base feels like warm apple pie, “That’s what she was doing in that video.”
You blush a bright red and clear your throat, unable to look at him. And, of course, in the scene where Kevin goes down on Vicky, you keep finding your mind wandering to Aegon doing the same thing to you. You’re pretty sure you had an even better experience than Vicky, considering Aegon’s piercing.
As the movie goes on, you feel Aemond’s hand move up your knee and move closer and closer to your underwear. You look at him, shocked.
He smirks, lifting his other finger to his lips. And suddenly, he’s stroking you over your panties. You let out a loud gasp. Everyone turns to you in confusion.
“Um,” you mumble, “I can’t believe he’s doing that on the webcam!”
They all laugh and agree, returning to the movie.
Aemond chuckles to himself, it easily being passed off as him laughing at the movie. He moves his fingers back and forth over your pussy, and you feel your face heating up. You move a hand to your mouth, covering it just in case. He watches your every expression as he keeps going. He keeps going like that for a while, until, near the end of the movie, he slides his fingers into your panties and pushes inside you. Now you’re biting on your nails, praying to whatever gods may exist that no one can tell what he’s doing. His fingers move at a pace that you don’t think is even humanly possible. He hits your most sensitive spot with almost every movement, considering how long his fingers are, and just presses against it, a smirk on his face all the while.
“Keep watching the movie, sweet girl,” he whispers in your ear.
You try to do as he’s saying as he presses against you harshly, making you cry out, “Oh my God!”
Luckily it’s passed off as you being shocked about Finch banging Stifler’s mom.
Then, he adds a third finger, filling you up even more, and you’re gone. You come all over his hand, feeling simultaneously aroused and embarrassed. It’s even worse when he pulls his fingers out and licks them, staring at you all the while.
“You taste as sweet as you look,” he says, whispering in your ear.
You don’t know how you’re going to survive the next three movies.
You all pile into Aegon’s car the next day. Jo complains every two seconds about how obnoxiously loud the engine is. Helaena points out how much he’s damaging the environment.
Aegon, of course, insists that you ride shotgun with him. He unapologetically keeps his hand on your thigh the whole drive. And you can’t bring yourself to mind. You’re wearing a pretty white sweater dress, one that’ll be easy to remove when you and Jo are trying on outfits for the winter formal.
And Aegon’s wearing his rings. Again. Every time his hand moves even slightly, you feel like you get goosebumps. And he absolutely knows what he’s doing, judging by the little grins he keeps throwing at you.
“You look so cute today, Princess,” he coos, “Like a pretty little baby doll.”
Your eyes widen, remembering the last time he used that pet name. In his room. After watching that video. Your face blushes bright red and you think you could practically kiss the ground when you finally pull up to the mall. Aegon, Aemond, and Helaena chill in the waiting area by the fitting rooms while you and Jo grab a bunch of things to try on.
“I might wear a suit,” Jo muses, “Do you think that would look good on me.”
“Jo,” you give her an amused look, “You’re gorgeous, anything will look good on you.”
She gives you a genuine smile, “You’re so cute! So, do you think,” her voice drops, “You and Jace are gonna go all the way after the dance?”
You hesitate for a minute before answering, “I’m thinking about it. I mean, I want to…”
She nods, “I figured,” she grabs your hand and squeezes it, “Just tell me what you decide, yeah? And he adores you. I know he’ll make it really special if you decide to.”
You look at her curiously, “But, like, is it weird that I’m enjoying all this stuff with Aegon and Aemond too?”
She shakes her head, “Dude, no! Not weird at all! You’re young, you’re sexy. And people can be with more than one person at a time. It’s a very common thing.”
You nod, “Yeah, okay. Oooh, what do you think of this one?”
Jo scoffs, “Babe, are you going to a nunnery or a school dance? This one.”
You laugh and take the dress she hands you.
Your first dress that you try on is a strapless pink dress that comes down to above your knees. It has flowers sewn onto it and is super cute. But you just don’t know if it’s the one you want. You stand with your hands on your hips and frown. You’re sick of looking like a baby. You want to stand out.
You take it off and toss it over the fitting room door and call out, ���It’s a no!”
“Baby, you didn’t even show us!” Aegon calls back, almost whining.
You have to bite back a laugh at how much he sounds like a baby himself.
The next dress is really similar to Jenna’s dress from 13 Going on 30. You kind of like it, so you step out and show it to everyone.
Jo comes out in her pastel pink suit and you shriek, “You look amazing!”
Jo looks at you, cringing, “Y/N, you know I love you, right? And this is said with all the love in my heart. But you look like the 80s threw up on you.”
You give her an annoyed glare.
“I think you should get it if you like it, Y/N,” Aemond says, “It’s very colorful.”
“Colorful?” you repeat, turning to Aegon, “And you?”
“Baby, I don’t wanna hurt your feelings-”
You laugh, “Okay, it’s kind of not great for winter formal. I think you guys are right.”
“You should get it for fun,” Aegon suggests, “Like for parties and shit. It’s cute, it’s just not… You know.”
“Good for a dance, yeah,” you nod, heading back into the room.
You hear Aemond, Helaena, and Jo call out that they’re heading to the food court to grab something to eat and that Aegon will stay with you. You call back that that’s fine.
You try on the last dress, the one that Jo had given you. It’s a bit more revealing than any of the other dresses, but you love it. You step outside and show it to Aegon. He’s on his phone, scrolling through some app or the other, so you have to clear your throat to get his attention. When he looks up, his jaw drops in awe.
“Do you,” you pause, “Is it too much?”
He shakes his head vigorously, “It’s perfect,” he smirks slightly, “Wish I was taking you to that dance, baby.”
You laugh, “I think I’ll go with this one.”
“Do you need help getting it off?” Aegon grins at you, “That zip looks hard to reach.”
You think for a second, “Yeah, okay.”
He follows you into the changing room to help you. One of his hands rests on your shoulder while the other moves to unzip the dress. He lets his fingers graze against your skin as he pulls the zip down, revealing the skin of your back. You look at him in the mirror, only to see he’s already looking at you. You turn around to face him.
“Oh, anytime, baby. Maybe,” he leans in, “You could give your stepbro a thank you kiss. For helping you out.”
You blush, “Okay. I can do that.”
He cups your face in his hands and you lean up to let your lips meet his. He nips at your lip and you immediately let your own lips part, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth. You feel the cool metal of his piercing, remembering how it felt when it was… Somewhere else, making you moan against him. He moves his hands from your back down to your ass, squeezing the flesh there, making you whine against him.
“Y/N,” he murmurs, but the two of you are cut off.
“You finding everything okay, hun?”
You look at him, his eyes hooded and full of want. But you can’t do this right now. So you call back.
“Yes, I picked something, I’ll be out soon.”
Aegon reluctantly leaves, his eyes on you the whole time.
But he gets a text that makes him smile.
Helaena: Hey Eggy, we’re heading to Victoria’s Secret, please bring Y/N there next:)
Goodbye Dearest MC
Brothers reacting to MC getting killed trying to save them (Part 4: Satan)
You wanted to live. You wanted to live and grow older with me didn't you?! Then why...WHY did you throw yourself to death for me!?
Your eyes met right before disaster struck. He literally watched you make a split-second decision and dive forward, jumping on top of him.
To his horror, your calculations were correct. The airborne weapons were definitely set to fall upon Satan. If you hadn't intervened.
"MC NO!" He cried out trying to shield your back with his arms, but you were holding him down, his arms pinned to the side. You knew in the last second, he'd try to save you.
"You would have...lost your arms...silly..." You said between heavy breathing. With your strength diminishing, he freed himself from under you, cradling your injured body.
"SO WHAT IF I LOST MY ARMS?! DAMNIT MC!" Satan made you lean on his chest, as he tried to observe the damage on your back. He hated what he saw. His head swam with rage and misery.
"Without your arms...you can't flip pages..." You argued. "And worst of all ...you can't pet cats. Your arms are important." He almost laughed. In a desperate time like this, he almost laughed.
Who else except you could do this to him? What a joyless world it would be without you. He was muttering every heal he had stored away in his memory for any situation like this. And yet they were hardest to remember now.
"Remember we used to...read books about stories like this...and we used to talk about...what we'd do..." You were almost in a trance. Satan let you keep talking, he knew you were doing it to distract from the burning pain you were in.
"Now that it's happening...I feel like we didn't talk.. about it nearly...nearly enough..." You stared up at his big blue eyes, swimming in unshed tears. "You can cry...I know you want to."
His tears fell as if on cue. Violent sobs rose from his chest as he hugged you tight and cried into your shoulder. He didn't even need to tell you, did he?
"You knew, didn't you...You knew no amount of healing would save you...You did this on FUCKING PURPOSE ..." Satan said, desperately trying to get his emotions under control. But this feeling was new. He never learnt how to handle it - how to make it go away.
"In that one second, I saw your eyes change. They were panicked until they weren't anymore. I didn't understand what it meant until you... It took you one mere second to make peace with your death!" All the knowledge in the world, yet what was the point if it couldn't save you?
You smiled. Acknowledging that everything he said was right. "The weapons were... cursed with ...special runes. A lot of them ....don't have counterparts.... for undoing."
Satan felt his heart dying, slowing down to match the pace of yours. "I won't forgive you for this. Do you have no idea how much you mean to me? Did you forget how much I need you?"
"You've always loved... solitude more...silly. It won't be...too bad." You leaned deeper into him, as if memorizing the texture of his sweater and how his muscles feel through it. "I'm glad..my last moments are... alone with you.."
Satan stayed silent, feeling desolate and defeated. He listened to you intently. Your precious last few words. "Perhaps after this... you'll understand Lucifer... a little better too."
"I wish you happiness Satan...I wish you all the happiness ...you gave me..." You grew dizzier, the air escaping your lungs. "I hope.. I see you again..."
He struggled to keep composure. His throat full of lumps and tears. "Safe journey, dear MC..." He let out a sharp cry of agony as your head fell limp and your eyes closed forever.
His eyes went wide. It was true. Satan had felt Lucifer's grief, but without a connection and without reason.
Now even Satan had a reason. Now Satan had his very own Lilith story. Now Satan knew exactly why Lucifer sacrified his autonomy to Diavolo. And Satan now started walking, carrying you, towards the castle to do the same.
Hey can I have a request where Ran really hits it off with someone, and that same person likes him back. But they can’t tell him how they really fell, cause they where pressured and guilt trapped into an arranged marriage, they did not want and fell extremely miserable in it, because they never got a chance to discover actual love is. I read somewhere that arranged marriages are still common in Japan, so I taught this will be some good angst. Can it be Bonten time line.
Hi there 💙💛
I'm sorry if it felt like a long time, but as I wrote, I have a lot of requests, and work.
Upon reading your request for the second time, I realized you didn’t specify the gender of the reader, so I tried to keep it open for male and female genders, and I changed some things since they fit the story better, but I still hope, you will enjoy it. 😊
Thank you so much for your words of praise and this request 😊
Pairing: Ran x Reader
Summary: While out on a balcony, you meet the infamous Haitani Ran. | Genre: Angst with a happy ending = Hurt/comfort/ Fluff | Warning: I won’t say adultery/cheating, but it’s a thin line, maybe a suggestive joke somewhere| Words: 5K
Whenever you found yourself looking at strangers passing you by, you often wondered what it would be like to be any of them. Someone else. Someone free. What sort of a life would you be living? Who would you be? Where would you live and what would you do?
You made a game out of it, creating fake scenarios inside your mind about being that different person with a different life surrounded by other different new people who perhaps treated you differently. Better.
Living the life you had, feeling stuck and bored, you felt like daydreaming was your favorite past time, and more often than not, you let yourself get taken by it, sometimes literally as you sought out abandoned places and corners to be able to fantasize the little scenarios of your alternative lives in peace. Especially when you were dragged to parties you didn’t fancy one bit.
That was how you ended up here, on the balcony of one of the newly opened clubs looking at the people under you walking through the Tokyo night imagining who they were and what would it be like to be them. What would it be like to be free?
‘I hope you don’t plan to jump,’ said a voice behind you surprising you as you closed the door to the balcony behind you, and you were certain you were alone when you entered it almost ten minutes ago, ‘That would really kill this party.’
You turned around, but it still took you a moment to notice there truly was a man pressed against the wall holding a glass that created light against his suit as it danced inside his palm.
Did he stand there for such a long time just looking at me in silence?
Your eyes focused on his glass for a moment watching the colors move against the fabric similarly to the way, it did inside the club on the dancefloor for people who were entertaining themselves there. The last time you danced was an obligation at a wedding, you often wished you could forget. It might have been nice to do it because you wanted to with the people you chose.
‘Want a sip?’ asked the man breaking your reminiscing probably noticing your gaze on the glass, and you shook your head turning back toward the view wondering if you should return inside. It would be probably for the best. Your absence must have already been noticed, and you must have been missed.
The man didn’t say anything else, but you could still feel his presence behind you in the shadows making it hard to drift into the comfort of your own mind, ‘Shouldn’t you be inside?’
‘Should I?’ asked the man, and although it could be taken as playful, it occurred to you it sounded somewhat tired.
You tossed him a glance, and eyes purposely settled across his throat and his Bonten tattoo, ‘It’s your party. The grand opening of another Haitani brothers club.’
The glass paused in his hand, and his gaze lifted to your own probably for the first time revealing something close to genuine interest behind those downturned purple eyes that seemed like they couldn’t be bothered, ‘So you know who I am.’
‘Doesn’t everyone?’ you asked and shrugged your shoulder looking back down for a second wondering what it must have been like to be him, Haitani Ran, a well-known executive of an infamous crime syndicate. His own person. Someone free.
You rested your elbows against the stone looking down once more even if your train of thought was cut short due to Haitani speaking again.
‘There you go again making me nervous,’ he said, but his voice sounded as nonchalant as possible contradicting his words entirely, ‘I feel like I should tell someone you’re here planning to jump.’
You rolled your eyes, ‘I’m just looking. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil your criminal record by forcing you to play the hero.’
‘Harsh,’ he said just a tad bit amused, and even if he was quiet, you still felt him approach before he took a place by your side, ‘But I appreciate it. Being the hero sounds like a lot of work.’
You stole another glance at the side of his face noting with mixed feelings of annoyance and satisfaction that you understood why he was so popular among the ladies. It wasn’t only his criminal reputation that proceeded him. He was a very handsome man, who obviously took good care of himself. But at the same time, you noticed something that you often did because you watched people when they had no idea you were looking.
He seemed relaxed maybe a bit bored, but also quite exhausted.
‘Unlike managing a club,’ you said and rose your eyebrow at him.
‘Clubs are fun,’ he said and offered you something of a lazy smile that you subconsciously returned even if just a bit. It was hard not to when someone as handsome and charming as he did, ‘They must be if their owner rather spends his time drinking alone on the balcony.’
‘I’m not alone,’ he protested quickly, ‘I’m with you,’ he said cheekily, and you shook your head biting back a laugh over the absurdity of the situation, ‘Believe me, I’m no fun. I’m as boring as they get. You would do better to return to the party and find someone fun to kill time with.’
He nodded a couple of times and took a sip from his glass, but for some reason, one you couldn’t explain, you felt as if your words upset him.
His wrist was set the rest on the cold ledge as he looked at you again. It was strange how much he took you in, but at the same time remained somewhat noninvasive about it which was probably why you didn’t mind his gaze even welcomed it. Sometimes when people watched you for too long it left you nervous almost shy probably because so often these days you were overlooked, but this man watched you intensively without making you feel uncomfortable by the sheer laziness he seemed to hold behind his eyes and a small smile.
‘Is that what you think I would rather be doing right now, stalker?’ Haitani asked you suddenly breaking the moment of peacefully gazing at one another almost like you were close.
‘Stalker?’ you asked stunned and raised your eyebrows at him again while he continued to lazily smile at you looking as careless as ever, but at the same time revealing some sort of spark of genuine interest. Something you rarely noticed in people when it came to you, ‘You seemed to know my name and what I do, and you dare to assume to know me while never once mentioning your own name, so yeah, pretty, but a stalker.’
You didn’t know why, but you caught yourself feeling a bit flushed for a moment and let out a nervous chuckle trying to blame it on the fact that he called you a stalker rather than pretty knowing you couldn’t blush because of that, ‘Well, to answer your previous question, I don’t actually think you would like to be out there having fun with someone.’
‘Well then, what do you think I would rather be doing, my dear stalker?’ he asked and leaned a bit closer to you, but somehow still kept a decent enough distance to be appropriate for you to remain in his presence, ‘Sleeping,’ you said and watched his lazy smile morph into a smirk before you continue, ‘alone,’ confusion settled behind his purple eyes, ‘in your comfy bed.’
He looked genuinely surprised his relaxed look returning, ‘Sleeping alone in my comfy bed.’
You nodded and smiled realizing it wasn’t the polite one you often tossed around at parties you didn’t want to attend to in the beginning, but your honest and real one. The one you felt like you didn’t use in days, weeks, months even years now, ‘I think that’s what you would rather be doing right now.’
His lazy smile spread into a grin. An amused and joyful one revealing his nice teeth and wrinkling his eyes, and something about the fact that it was you who made this man, who was so adored by others, and who seemed so bored and exhausted a moment go this genuinely happy went straight into your heart.
Your own smile fell a bit as you remembered it would have been a bad idea to feel anything special around this man, or anyone else.
I should go, you realized painfully with your mood dropping significantly.
‘But you’re right,’ he said his grin morphed back into a lazy smile, ‘I would much rather prefer to sleep in my comfy bed. I really enjoy a good night's rest.’
You chewed on your lip momentarily glancing at the closed balcony door telling yourself it would be better if you left even if you weren’t really doing anything, but not being able to refuse yourself to say, ‘Nothing’s stopping you.’
‘It’s my party and my club,’ he said and finished his drink before looking at your face taking you in a way no one ever seemed to have and making your heart speed up and body grow hotter, especially with his next words, ‘And I prefer to sleep next to someone. Would you be interested? I could shut down the party early.’
You were tempted to press on. Tease or flirt that maybe you wouldn’t mind sleeping next to him if his bed was really comfy, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it fearing you were already on thin ice. You wouldn’t be you if you allowed this to lead elsewhere.
Instead, you offered him a polite smile, ‘I’m with someone.’
His purple eyes blink and the lazy smile fell just a fraction before he asked, ‘Are you sure?’
‘What?’ you frowned taken back by his words, ‘I’m not lying-’
‘No, but usually when people let me down with that excuse, they’re either flirting or look content about it,’ he said and suddenly his warm palms found their way to your cheeks catching you off guard, ‘So-?’ His purple eyes dropped to your lips, and it seemed the only thing your nose was picking on was his extremely good cologne making your head spin.
‘I can’t,’ you said and lowered your head before his face got too close feeling your body shiver and not in an uncomfortable way at all, which made it even worse because now you knew for sure, you would enjoy it if he leaned forward and pressed his lips against your own, ‘I’m really with someone,’ you said again and this time, you couldn’t pretend you didn’t hear the sorrow in your own voice mistaking it for something else.
He held your face between his hands for just a moment longer all the while looking at you as if you were something precious making your delicate and confused heart skip a beat and momentarily consider leaning closer to his extremely handsome face before just as suddenly as he took hold of you, Haitani let you go, ‘It’s a pity. Such an exquisite person like you shouldn’t be with someone who makes their pretty smile disappear so easily.’
Haitani stepped aside allowing you to breathe in the cold air without his cologne and clear your mind. You should have felt horrified that something like this almost happened, but you couldn’t bring yourself as you felt for the first time in a very long time like you were present and alive.
It was still better than nothing happened though. You would hate yourself if it did no matter how handsome and charming this man was, ‘I’m sorry. I should have said it sooner.’
‘Why didn’t you?’ he asked instead of trying to calm you down and offer fake assurances that it was alright.
However, it still surprised you that even after rejecting him he didn’t sound angry or anything you would imagine a criminal would. Strange, even knowing who he was, you didn’t feel uncomfortable or fearful in his presence.
You shrugged your shoulders, ‘I don’t know, I liked talking to you. Maybe I thought you would stop if I admitted….,’ you didn’t finish that thought.
His purple eyes watched your face for a moment in a different way as if he was once again taking you in from a new point or angle before he smiled again, ‘No,’ he said sounding confident, ‘I don’t think I would. You’re…different. Special?’
‘Nah,’ you shook your head looking slightly away all the while a small smirk playing across your lips. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t try to brush the compliment off. It sounded so cliché, but it was nice to hear all the same, especially from someone like him, ‘Plain old, believe me.’
‘I would still talk with you.’
His words sounded honest almost like a promise that if you remained here, he would continue to talk to you regardless of your status simply because maybe it was fun for him to talk to you too.
You offered him an enthusiastic smile and looked at the door again, ‘I need to go find…,’ you didn’t finish once again, but Haitani understood as he nodded, ‘If you feel like jumping again, come find me. You can tell me more about me again, my dear stalker.’
You chuckled, and it felt more honest than before as you walked closer to the balcony and your real life. Your feet felt heavier with every step, ‘Thank you for the talk and for stopping when I asked.’
‘Of course,’ he said and for the first time since you met him, his eyes looked different still downturn, but the purple was darker, more serious, making it easy to believe he could be a part of a grand crime syndicate, ‘I don’t think there’s anything in this world worse than being stripped of your freedom of choice, and I gladly fought anyone who ever tried to take mine. Tooth and nails. No one should ever let someone take that from him.’
His words got your lips to part, but no words came out as you were merely forced to watch him stunned by how filling it all sounded to someone like you.
You offered Haitani a final smile before you finally force yourself to leave this sweet fantasy behind with nothing but memories.
It didn’t take you too long to find your spouse surrounded by family friends, they grew up with, who never really felt like your own, ‘Did you miss me?’
The questions caused a few bursts of laughter at your expenses, and you offered a tight lip grimace before taking your place beside your spouse and drifting almost immediately into your own mind recalling those moments from before and imagining what it would be like to be a person free enough to accept a kiss from Haitani Ran on the balcony of his new club.
You were married quite young barely at the legal age, to a person, your parents selected for you when you were just a pre-teen. Your families knew each other well and made big plans about uniting their business through their children.
Growing up in such a way, you didn’t find it odd for a very long time, at least not until you entered high school and saw your classmates falling in love and dating freely experiencing everything they wanted by their own choice.
It was only then that you started to wonder what it would be like if you did have the same privilege to choose in love as they did so carelessly and openly.
Your spouse wasn’t a bad person. Raised the same way you were it seemed they simply accepted their fate and took pleasure and liberties elsewhere. There wasn’t anything horrible about them that you couldn’t stand. They just weren’t the person you would have picked to spend the rest of your life if you had the choice. And given how often they preferred to spend their nights elsewhere and keep the company of anyone but you, you were certain that at least was a mutual feeling.
Because of this lack of interest on your spouse’s side, it wasn’t unusual for you to be left alone to your own thoughts and devices.
In those painfully long moments, you could only be entertained by your own mind immediately recalling those moments from a few weeks ago when you met Haitani Ran creating different outcomes of how that evening could have ended before crashing into the brick wall that was your loveless marriage every time. It seemed today, not even your own fantasies planned to be merciful and offer you an escape.
‘How come every time I see you, you look so sad?’ asked a male voice beside you causing you to jump and hit your knee against the table spilling some of your coffee.
‘Oh, let me help you,’ said a female voice of a nearby waitress who quickly came to clean the spill even if you tried to protest, ‘No, no, I can do it, I’m sorry,’ you said momentarily catching the clearly amused purple eyes before you bit back your own grin and snatched a few tissues, ‘I’ll do it, thank you though.’
The waitress bowed to you and left leaving you to clean your table with Haitani standing beside you all the while looking at you.
Your eyes stayed fixed on your work for as long as they could, but it seemed ignorance wouldn’t be effective at all as the man went to the opposite side of your table and sat down, ‘I didn’t really offer you a seat.’
‘I know. This way, if anyone asks you can say so without it being a lie,’ he said and offered you his nonchalant smile looking you over, ‘Are you bored again or still with your partner? You know breaking up is an option if they make you this sad.’
You opened your mouth to correct him that you were married and not just dating, but for some reason, the words refused to leave your throat. It seemed your lips stayed parted for too long since Ran’s gaze slowly gravitated toward them so you quickly said something else instead, ‘You can’t claim I’m sad. You met me once.’
‘But I saw you five times already,’ he said and before you could ask, he thanked the waitress as she brought him his coffee leaving you stunned for two reasons, ‘You told her you will be sitting here? Who’s the stalker now?’
‘I’m a criminal, I have to know who’s interested in my life,’ he said cheekily, ‘I saw you leave with your group and then a couple of times here. Suspicious,’ he said and teased, ‘Since it’s so close to my penthouse, my dear stalker. You aren’t very good in the whole subtle thing.’
You chuckled feeling the familiar amusement from before almost immediately, ‘You’re awfully full of it.’
‘Maybe, but it got you to smile,’ he shrugged his shoulders almost dismissively except you could tell just as you could all those other things about him, he really enjoyed that he did.
You felt a cozy feeling spread across your chest looking at him and found yourself again losing your honest smile, ‘I’m still…,’ you paused for some reason, it was horribly hard to say the worried married to Haitani, ‘with someone.’
‘I know, you’re still sad,’ he said and took another sip of his coffee, ‘It’s not a good look on you. You should be shining like you do when you smile around me all the time. Not rot away like this,’ his own lazy smile became serious once again making you see someone who could be a part of a criminal syndicate with even the tattoo on his throat seemingly more prominent for a moment, ‘You should think about it before your light blows out completely.’
The lazy smile returned a moment later as he shrugged his shoulders looking as cool as ever, ‘Or you can tell me to go to hell and mind my own business. But you will have to find a new coffee shop. Since I will bother you here more often if I see you.’
‘Why?’ you asked chuckling despite yourself. Something about his attitude made it easy to laugh in his presence and forget your life.
He took another sip of his coffee, ‘I don’t know there’s just something about you,’ he said, but it sounded only partly true for some reason. ‘It’s probably trouble though.’
That you understood completely because you felt the very same way. Even if you continued to drink your coffee with him wasting as much time as possible and laughing at his antics seemingly every other sentence.
It was a bad choice to continue to visit the coffee shop close to Ran’s home, but it was your choice all the same.
You didn’t do anything wrong. At least not where it counted by your standards. You knew you weren’t friends because the dynamic was too flirty, but you also knew you couldn’t be anything more. Not when you were married.
There were no touches except for the lingering memory of his palms against your cheeks and his breaths mixing with your own that one time that you often replayed inside your mind whenever you were alone.
You didn’t meet every time you came to the coffee house.
There were days and even weeks when you sat alone wondering if you could use the phone number, he passed you after your first meeting here that you secretly tugged into your pocket and carried everywhere with you fearing someone might find it. You never used it though. It felt like you would be going against your imaginary rules.
And so, you would sit there mostly alone with your thoughts looking sad as Ran pointed out until you would catch the sight of the purple and black hair and smile before you could properly scold yourself to seem at least a bit less affected.
‘It’s late,’ you pointed out one time when your coffees were long since gone and there was dark outside, ‘Shouldn’t you be elsewhere?’
He checked his expensive watch. If there ever was a man who could be described as dandy it would be him, ‘Still pretty early for clubs. The cool crowd doesn’t come until midnight, my pretty stalker.’
‘Right,’ you grinned as it had been a while since he used that nickname ever since you allowed him to at least know your first name, ‘Looking for the next warm body to snuggle on your comfy bed?’
‘No,’ he said calmly with his lazy smile present yet his purple eyes softening. The way he looked at you made it clear why he wasn’t looking for anyone like that, and for some reason, it affected you more than you thought because for the first time in a while since you started to me, you looked away and admitted, ‘Ran, I’m married. This,’ you motioned between you two, ‘It won’t be anything. It can’t. My parents…,’ you shook your head feeling exhausted just thinking about all that, ‘It just can’t.’
‘It’s okay, I can wait,’ he said calmly as usual, and you frowned shaking your head feeling worse because of it, ‘You shouldn’t…I can’t really be... It’s not…’ You couldn’t really explain how bound you were to your family and their obligations to the family of your spouse. There was too much history. Too much at risk. Too much that came down to you saying yes in front of an altar to a person, you would never love and who would never love you.
‘It is,’ he said and for the first time ever looked away, ‘You’re the first person, I ever spent this much time with since I became an adult that wasn’t…work-related or my brother. I like you. I like spending time with you,’ he said all the while a calm smile playing across his face speaking volumes of his confidence, ‘I think you’re just not ready to be free, not really, but that’s alright,’ he said and looked up at you again right into your eyes, right into your heart and soul, ‘I never understood how could anyone just wait for someone. Like why bother when there was another person right around the corner? I found it crazy and hilarious,’ he shook his head slightly before confessing some more, ‘When I’m with you I get it,’ he said as if it explained everything, ‘so if you need time, I can wait,’ he assured you with his purple eyes never leaving your own, ‘But know that when you will be ready, I’ll be here.’
You could have argued. You should have argued and put a stop to this between you too, but instead, you asked, ‘How will I know when I’m ready?’
His smile made his entire demeanor seem incredibly soft, ‘You won’t be afraid to call my number.’
You left things with that returning to your life as you did every time after your meetings with Ran, but this time you started to really look around.
Your home, your family, your life. It was always a certainty. Your fantasies were always just imaginary. You knew they could never become reality, and you accepted that a very long time ago. But you couldn’t get Ran’s words out of your mind wondering if maybe they could be.
It took you a while, and it wasn’t anything remarkable or big that happened that finally got you to pick up your phone and call the number on the now slightly faded card. You were just sitting alone in the house that never felt like home for what seemed like the nth time, and you just called the phone number.
The ride to his penthouse was quick and although you thought there would be doubts and panic there was only excitement and peace.
Ran was taking a hold of your arm and pulling you inside the spacious living room before the elevator door even properly opened.
He looked different. To anyone else, he might seem his usual unbothered and relaxed self, but you could feel the giddy energy running through your own veins to know, he felt the same.
Your lips curled into a smile as you stopped him from dragging you across the rooms to show off his wealth, ‘I’m still married.’
‘I’m a part of the largest crime syndicate to ever exist,’ he bragged, ‘I can arrange by the end of the day for it not to be a problem any way you would like me to.’
You nodded gratefully he wouldn’t reach for the absolutely ruthless methods as your spouse never really did anything bad to you. You had time to think about that later.
‘Kiss me first,’ you said obviously surprising the man as his lazy façade slipped away completely for a moment, ‘Don’t ask for things you can’t take back.’
You grinned feeling your heart speed up since even as he said it, he got closer to you, ‘I mean it. I have no patience.’
‘You have a lot of patience,’ you argued hinting at how long he waited for you to make this decision.
You couldn’t stop smiling for some reason, ‘Give me a taste of what’s it like when someone…really wants you and likes you and-’
You never managed to finish those words as before you had time to take the next breath, Ran’s hands took hold of your face just as they had all those months ago, but this time went right for your lips not giving you time to change your mind. You wouldn’t have anyway.
His lips weren’t as silky or soft as you fantasized, but that was what made them all the better. They were firm and solid, and when they pressed against your own you felt grounded at the moment like never before.
Your fingers took hold of his shoulders as you memorized the sensation. At first, it was slow, the momentary surprise quickly drifting away in favor of the realization that it was actually happening, but with every small movement, it grew needier and passionate causing a sensation inside your chest that resonated into the rest of your body filling it with the warmth you didn’t know. It felt like he stole the air from your lungs, and you couldn’t even be bothered to care willing to give it all up freely.
When he broke the kiss, he dived in once more pressing his lips tenderly against the corner of your mouth almost as if it was an accident, but when you opened your eyes you could see the humor behind his eyes.
It left you shaking and filled with feelings and sensations you didn’t think you would ever experience. You didn’t think they were real and existed only in overly dramatized romance novels.
‘This is what is like when I like you,’ he said, and it took you pathetically long to recall what you were even talking about before that first kiss.
He released your face all the while keeping his purple eyes on your own as he reached his hand for you.
Obediently, without any doubt or hesitation, you took it and let him lead the way to freedom.
A.N: Thank you for reading. I hope you and your loved ones are alright. Have a lovely day 😊
𝖘𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖇𝖊𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖞 | 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖕𝖍𝖊𝖚𝖘 𝖝 𝖋!𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕺𝖓𝖊: 𝕴 𝖂𝖔𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗
a/n: used the opening of sleeping beauty as the bases for the storyteller credit goes to Disney for creating the script and the movie literally the first half of this is the entire movie of sleeping beauty
'In a far away land, long ago, lived a king and his fair queen. Many years had they longed for a child and finally their wish was granted. A daughter was born, and they called her Y/n.' The king and queen smiled joyfully as they gazed upon their newborn daughter. Her tiny cooes as she looked up at her parents. Such birth deserved a celebration a holiday so one was proclaimed throughout the kingdom.
'Then a great holiday was proclaimed throughout the kingdom so that all of high or low estate might pay homage to the infant princess. And our story begins on that most joyful day.' Many people came to pay their homage to the infant princess, on this joyful day. The castle and courtyard were filled with people wanting to gaze upon the infant princess.
'Thus on this great and joyous day did all the kingdom celebrate the long-awaited royal birth. And good King Stefan and his Queen made welcome their lifelong friend.' As the king and queen sat on their thrones. A quartet of castle trumpeters sounds off a fanfare on their trumpet and the Lord Duke begins to announce. "Their royal highnesses, King Hubert and Prince Phillip!" Lord Duke announced.
King Hubert and his son, Prince Phillip, walk toward King Stefan and Queen Leah and bow to them. Hubert welcomes his friend with open arms.'Fondly had these monarchs dreamed one day their kingdoms to unite. Thus today would they announce that Phillip, Hubert's son and heir to Stefan's child would be betrothed. And so to her his gift he brought, and looked, unknowing, on his future bride.'
'Three fairies bestowed gifts upon the infant princess. Gift of beauty, and the gift of song. The last wasn't a gift but a counteract to the spell cast on the infant. For when on the day of her eighteenth birthday, she'll pick her finger on a rose bush and die. But the good fairy instead of death the princess will only fall into an eternal sleep. Until her true love awoke her with true love's kiss.'
'The infant eventually grew into a beautiful young lady, living in the forest with the three fairies. Until her eighteenth birthday came past. '
'When hearing the news of her being betrothed she couldn't believe it. She didn't even know him. What or who he was like? She was going to marry someone she doesn't even love. Tears brimmed the young princess' eyes as she ran to her room crying. She dreamed of one day meeting her true love and now. Her dream now seemed to never become true.'
'The fairies could only shed a tear for they thought she'd be happy. To find out she's a princess and is to be wed. As night fell, they secretly made their way to the castle. A solemn look on the young princess' face. After arriving in her room she began to cry as the tiara was placed on her head. She didn't want to be a princess. She didn't want to be betrothed. She just wanted to sleep to dream.'
'She arrived in the garden following the raven walking deeper into the maze-like garden. As if she were in a trance as she followed the bird, her eyes turned a tint of green. Before stopping at a rose bush covered in red roses. She couldn't hear the cries and pleas of the fairies behind; her as she picked a flower from the rose bush. Pricking her finger on a throne and collapsing onto the ground.'
'When the young Prince Philip kissed her lips. She never woke from her eternal sleep, for he wasn't her true love. The fairies looked at each other worriedly. Eventually, deciding to leave her here in peace they couldn't help but feel guilty. After years, of living the life of the common folk to be told that you're a princess and betrothed to someone you never met and there for didn't love.'
'Legend says she remains in her eternal slumber waiting for her one true love to come and find her; if you think you might be her true love. You can find her in the old castle not far from here. No one goes there anymore for it's haunted. By the mournful king and queen, and his subjects. But be warned only her true love can get to her for her rose thorns. Are enchanted to protect her from any harm.'
"Legend says of a princess forever trapped in an eternal slumber. Waiting for her one true love to wake her with; true love's kiss. She laid at the very top of the tower surrounded by rose thorns and flowers." The storyteller said, and the children looked up at him intrigued.
"Many have tried and failed to find the tower. For it lays hidden from prying eyes. Some say it only reveals itself to those who truly believe; or those who sometimes might stumble upon it by mistake." They continue. Morpheus and his older sister Death, continue to listen in on the storyteller.
"Those who dare try to harm or take advantage of the fair princess while in her eternal slumber shall face the consequences of eternal sleep. If they prick their fingers on the thorns that encase her. Only her one true love will be able. Will be allowed to enter the tower." They continue. Looking at the crowd of people listening in on the story.
"No one knows if her true love will ever arrive. So now she’ll lay forever trapped in eternal sleep. If you listen closely the nightingales still carry her song through the night. Hoping to reach her one true love." They finish taking a bow, and the audience claps.
"What a child's story," Morpheus says, as he and his sister continue walking and she looks at him, "You don't believe in it?" She asked.
“Why, would I believe in such story. A princess trapped in an eternal sleep waiting for her one true love,” he said, looking down at his sister.
“it’s make believe a story parents tell their children.” he says.
Death on smirks, “I’d honestly thought you’d believe in it.” she says, as they’d continue walking down the dirt path.
Once Morpheus arrived back in the Dreaming. He searched through the dreams of many. Searching for the princess mentioned in the story. He heard in the town in the waking world, until he found her. The story was true, a young girl trapped in an eternal sleep.
A girl with (h/c) and (e/c) eyes; walked through the forest. Holding a basket to pick some berries in the woods. Her voice echoing throughout the woods, a blue bird flew out of its nest and towards her hearing her voice. She smiled, as she continued vocalizing to the bird. Her voice sounded like an angel a nightingale.
The birds tweet it back and she couldn’t help but giggle. Her voice was enchanting. As the animal creatures flocked towards her following her as she walked through the forest. She started humming, “I wonder.” She sang, looking at the birds.
“I wonder. I wonder why each little bird has a someone.” She sang, looking at the bird.
“To sing to, sweet things to” she sang, as she picked the berries.
“A gay little love melody.” She sang, as the birds harmonized along with her as she walked towards the cliff.
“I wonder, I wonder” she continued, longingly.
“If my heart keeps singing, will my song go winging.” She sings arriving at the cliff. She stares longingly at the castle in the distance.
“To someone who'll find me.” She sings, as Morpheus watches her sing in the distance. “And bring back a love song to me.” She finishes, smiling softly. She sighed turning around before deciding to head back to the cottage, while humming the song in her head.
Morpheus couldn’t help but be entranced by her beauty and voice. She must’ve been some kind of enchantress. How could someone so beautiful be forever trapped in an eternal sleep.
The owl sat on the stone beside her as she dipped her toes into the stream. “Do you think he’ll ever come?” She asked, looking at her animal friends. They shrugged and she looked down sadly, “It was only a dream yet it felt so real.” She sighed, her chin leaning against the basket.
“He was so handsome, so kind, so strong.” She says, looking off in the distance longingly.
“Yet it was only a dream.” She says, and the woodland animals look at her sadly.
“Maybe, one day.” She says, as she stands up from the rock and begins walking towards the cottage. She began humming the song she remembered from her dream, “I know you I walked with you once upon a dream.” She started singing, the animal creatures watching in awe.
As she danced by herself spinning around with grace and pose. “I know you the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.” She sang, imaging if she were dancing with the man from her dreams.
“And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem.” She sang, as she danced in the woods.
“And if I knew you I know what you’d do.” She sang, spinning around in the forest. “You’ll love me at once the way you did once a upon a dream.” She finished. She stopped feeling the gaze of someone watching her and turned around to see Morpheus.
Her eyes widened seeing him. She hasn’t seen anyone else here before in who knows how long, “Who are you?” She shouted, looking at him he was taken aback slightly. He thought she would’ve run off terrified for seeing a stranger but she wasn’t.
“My name is Dream.” He says, and she looks at him confused. Backing away slightly as he removed himself from the shadows stepping into the light.
“You’ve been watching me haven’t you?” She asked, looking at him and his composure didn’t change he was. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He says, and she just looked at him holding her basket of berries.
“It’s just I usually don’t see anyone out here. It’s far from the palace the village.” She says, looking at him as she avoided his eye contact. “I must be going.” She says, swiftly before turning away to leave before he could say anything.
making her way back to her cottage shutting the door behind her and locking it. once back in the comfort of her home she started humming to herself once again. her feet moving on her own as she danced across the floor. A smile growing on her face as she remembered the dance. She shared with the man from her dreams.
she could still feel his arm around her waist; as he spun her around. lifting her up into the air as she smiled happily. yet everytime she’d open her eyes she’d be back no longer dreaming.
maybe one day she’ll meet him or maybe she never will. she also dreamed of seeing the village and the castle. wanting to explore past the forest, away from her cottage.
I will say that personally I felt bad over what Heimdall got, but also most of that was from the prophecy so killing him felt like he was getting one over on us no matter what.
Slept on it and I think I'm overall happy with what we got, actually, BECAUSE of that dissatisfied feeling.
Heimdall was so great because instead of directly committing horrific evil like Zeus or Odin and Thor, they just made him the biggest possible cunt that could exist—just the most annoying, spiteful, pompous schoolyard bully possible, their best attempt at inspiring pure seething hatred from the player.
So when it becomes clear that Kratos can absolutely murder this supposedly untouchable god (wow he's weak to explosions, big deal, /I/ will die if you throw an explosive at me he's not special) and instead you see him stop attacking and start walking away the moment he sees fear in Heimdall, you're furious. The Olympians took much worse and some of them were literally holding their hands up in surrender and begging for their lives, but he wants to let Heimdall go just because they said "stop!" in a moment of weakness?
Everyone in the Norse pantheon keeps going "You're a monster! You'll never change!" while literally any player familiar with Kratos' past history is stupefied at how much this guy is holding back and willing to give mercy.
On the primal level of my brain that only seeks catharsis I'm going "Oh come on hit this guy more please please PLEASE it's not nearly enough" and being deeply unsatisfied that Heimdall still gets to be a dick until his last breath, but the part of my brain appreciating the narrative and understanding how terrible it would be for the game' themes to give in to my wants is going "Holy fuck Kratos has more self-control now than I do."
I think inspiring such a conflict between seeking raw catharsis from violence and what's important to the narrative is one of my favorite things for a story to do to me.
Another example I have in mind is Red Dead Redemption 2's ending where John gives in to his desire to avenge Arthur by going up a mountain and slaughtering Micah's entire gang almost on his own, a spirit of vengeance more than a man. As a player you are absolutely thrilled at the explosive finale where they play a remix of The Shootist from RDR1 and reveling in the bloodbath, but also in the back of your mind you know this is specifically going against Arthur's last wish for John to get away from the cycle of violence and to live a peaceful life. At the end you see the consequences (the events of RDR1 happen because John acted on his feelings over respecting Arthur's wishes), and you're forced to weigh the ten minutes of release and the feeling of justice vs just how badly John screwed himself and his family over for it.
Love it when a story gets me feeling messy
If you guys haven’t heard, technoblade or Alex has passed away
I wasn’t his fan from the very beginning but in covid, around one and a half year ago, I started watching minecraft and the dream smp
Techno already became my favourite
Over a year ago he posted a video titles “where I’ve been”
Technoblade usually didn’t really upload and us the fans made that an inside joke but when we heard what happened, we were shattered to our cores
Technoblade has been suffering from cancer in his right hand for over a year, in the video he had told us about how he found about his cancer
Hearing the news, many minecraft players put up a purple ribbon on their skin, I don’t play minecraft so I just put that in my usernames, it stands for cancer treatment
Then he made another update video, telling us how he’s going for physical therapy
After that he also made a vr video, said that he woukd continue the series, in the video he sound3d so much better, like his health was getting much better
Did we speak too soon?
Today in my area, at 10 o’clock morning I opened my iPad to see if stranger things’ new episodes have been released
When I suddenly saw a notification from techno, I got super excited that maybe he’s gotten better
My heart sank
Shattered into too many pieces to count
As I read the title
“So long nerds”
I immediately clicked on it, forgetting about stranger things.
We were met by techno’s dad and his dog floof.
He told us that technoblade had passed away. At 10 o’clock in the morning, I felt hot steamy salty tears run down my cheeks as I gripped my iPad, hoping it was all a sick joke
That randomly we would hear techno saying “TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIESSS” or “CANCER, IF YOU WISH TO DEFEAT ME, TRAIN FOR ANOTHER 800 YEARSSS” but that never happened
Techno had left a last message for us fans
His real name was Alex, which he greatly trolled us with “Dave”, he wanted us to live long and happy lives
And he told us something we never had heard from him, but we always knew that in our hearts
“I love you guys”
His dad’s voice cracked and he also cried
Telling us about how much techno was struggling to write these words for us.
I and millions of fans, his loved ones, family, friends all miss him dearly
He was an inspiration for millions of kids in the world.
For me, his humour stood above all, he himself for me stood above all
I always had his potato war series in my downloads, cause I knew that if I was ever really sad then his videos will definitely make me laugh when no body else can
I don’t have words to describe how I feel
My condolences goes to his family and friends, who lost him as Alex
We lost him as a legend, a god, an awesome human being, and as technoblade
Maybe only Alex has left us, technoblade will always be remembered in our hearts, he will always be part of our good memories, where I would stay up till 2 just to watch his streams because of different time zones
And now I’m here crying, literally sobbing as I write this, I haven’t been feelings very well but today when I heard about what happened, I sobbed hard.
I remember feeling so excited when I would always hear “startin the streammmm”, it brought me joy and comfort which I am really realising today.
I’m sure many others have too
“Blood for the blood god”
“If you wish to defeat me, train for another 300 years”
“Damce potato boy, DANCEE”
“I dropped out of college because minecraft was the only thing I had the intellectual capacity for”
“Welcome home thesuius”
“My chats is bullying me”
He truly didn’t deserve to go
At age 23, he had so much to live for
But even in those years, he made the best of them
I will never forget you king
Your iconic moments and quotes are forever drilled into our hearts
We love you too
Rest in peace king
“Technoblade never dies”
Technoblade truly will never die
d*ying on the inside - Steve Harrington x fem!reader
This material may not be copied, reproduced, displayed, modified. This is my work, do not steal it, do not republish it.
summary: Steve's grief has been on the same stage for months : denial. He just can't do it. Living without her is just impossible.
warning: /NSFW/ dead!fem!reader, use of she/her pronouns, use of strong alcohol, talk about death, grief, tears (a lot), blood (a lot), very small indications of past sexual intercourse (NO smut!), grave, graphic and lethal injuries, pure hurt and trauma (what is comfort? what is fluff? what is happiness?) (minors, do not interact, i'm not responsible for the content you consume)
pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used, no physical description of the reader so anyone can identify)
word count: 2.3k
a/n: I had to repost this because Tumblr likes to fuck with me and flag the things I write even though it had all the community label.
The light of the day was a godsend, it announced warmth, light, life.
On days like those Steve would try to enjoy them as much as he could, even if he had his job at Family Video, he would probably arrange an impromptu date with his girlfriend, Y/n.
A picnic on the hills of Hawkins, where, at this time of the year, was blossoming with flowers, the sun set low and late. Birds chirping on the edge of the forest.
He could almost hear her laughter as he was lying in his bed, facing the night. Cold, dark, unwelcoming.
Nights had become a nightmare, quite literally and metaphorically.
An opened door to nightmares, waking in tears, sweat and out of breath. Or it was the cold embrace of insomnia, lulling him awake to see the short hours of the night. The sunrise peeking through his curtains.
When his bed felt uncomfortable he would throw a cardigan around his shoulders and sit by his pool, watching as the night transformed into the day, the sky first taking a purple colour then moving into pink, bits of orange, finally blue.
It seemed peaceful, and it kinda was, sometimes, but mostly, it was a river of unstoppable thoughts, and voices. And it happened a lot more than he would like to admit.
He didn't get nightmares until the Soviets, but it didn't last long, when Vecna/Henry/One came around, the atrocities they saw, the loss they experienced, it began to be too much.
"You look lonely," her voice said, he closed his eyes at the sensation of her presence. It almost brought tears to its tired features.
"Without you, I am," he opened his eyes to turn his head towards the sound of her voice.
He had an oversized hoodie on, the hood lazily resting behind his neck, red and sleepless eyes, exhaustion written on his face.
Lied on a sun lounger by his pool, wrapped in a thin and fuzzy blanket. His house was deadly silent as he was alone, as always.
She was imitating his position on the sun lounger, her eyes looking so deeply into his tired ones. A soft smile on her face.
There was a comfortable silence, as they looked at eachother, Steve let his mouth speak before thinking, he was way too tired for that anyway.
"I've missed you. A crazy lot."
“I know. But you know I had to do it, we’ve been through this already.”
“Yeah, I know, but in the most desperate time... like right now… I still wish you hadn’t.”
Her eyes moved from his to something near and she winced, he followed her gaze and realised she had seen his glass of whiskey sitting by a footrest he used as a coffee table and he grimaced. The ice was almost completely melted, its remaining clinking softly against the edge of the glass.
“I haven’t seen you with a glass of whiskey since senior year, three years ago.”
Escaping from his blanket, bending on the side he reached for his glass, two small pieces of ice remained on the surface, it looked like an iceberg ripped apart.
Since Vecna, the invasion in Hawkins, memories from that night were the source of his nightmares and his unfinished grief. Some nights finished in a few glasses of his father’s favourite bottle of whiskey, it seemed to either appease or fuel his demons. It was a solution, a very poor one at that, but the only one that gave him comfort.
“It's just a couple glasses here and there," his voice was so low he didn't even know if he could be heard but she did.
"Whiskey is your sad drink. Just like beer is your party drink. Steve.."
He took another sip from his glass, lying back on the sun lounger, holding his glass with only two fingers, he closed his eyes as he savoured the burning taste of the alcohol on his tongue.
"You're not really here, so.. I don't see why you care," his tone became harsher as he drank, he had opened his eyes to take a better look at her face.
"What makes you so certain I'm not really here ? We live in a crazy world."
Offended by her question, he took yet again another sip of his drink, he furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes fixated on the pool in front of them.
"Because your coffin is resting in Hawkins' cemetery six feet underground," he started, not looking at her, but he continued, "and like you said, this crazy world killed you. This is some trick, hallucination, I don't know, something my brain has made up because I miss you, and I can't believe you're dead."
"You just said it. You must believe it somehow."
"No. Saying it doesn't mean I believe it. I know it because I saw it happen before my eyes, but I can't wrap my head around it because it's you. And it's not right for you to be dead."
He paused, his hair falling in front of his eyes, his chest rising and falling a bit quickly as he talked rapidly. Nervously. His eyes searching in front of him a reason to be nervous, agitated. His brown irises fell upon her.
"It's not fair and it's not normal, and-... Jesus Christ it's hell without you here."
It felt like two orbs were piercing through his skull as she looked at him, all ears for him.
"I don't get to see you smile, laugh, sleep, sunbathe, I can't see the stars in your eyes anymore, I can't hear your lame jokes, I can't hear your laugh, I can't hear the sound of your voice. I can't touch you, whether it's getting to hug you, feel your touch, or even just intimacy with you. I can't pleasure you anymore, hear you moan my name when you were on the edge, I can't feel the goosebumps when you were close, or even just kiss your skin. Taste you. Feel your warmth in bed. We can't do anything we had planned because you're not here anymore. And it's like living in hell," his voice broke more and more as he kept ranting on, until his watery eyes couldn't hold on the tears anymore and he started sobbing.
Shaky breaths left Steve's mouth as his breathing became erratic, his hands in his hair, some handful of hair falling in front his eyes.
She wasn't sure if he would accept her touch, so she preferred staying on her lounger. She knew Steve would never be violent, but it felt out of place to impose herself in such a way.
She waited for him to calm down slowly, the silence comfortable as his tired eyes looked at the sky changing colors, it was rising, deep purple to a mix of lilac, orange and pink.
He let out another shaky breath, closing his eyes to inhale deeply, trying to calm his heart beating crazily in his ribcage.
When he was calmer and comfortable enough to speak, he turned his head, crossed his legs against his chest and his arms crossed, elbows against his knees, his eyes towards her. He cleared his throat.
"The most horrific thing, apart from your absence and how difficult it is to live with it, is how it happened. And how graphic it was," his voice was soft.
She felt his eyes on her so she turned her face towards him, mimicking his position on the lounger she rested her head in her crossed arms.
"It's like I can relive this moment non-stop. There was so much blood, you were choking on it, barely able to make a syllable. The smell of blood was.. suffocating, heaving. You were in pain and I couldn't do anything to save you. I couldn't stop the bleeding, couldn't get you to a gate to take you to the hospital. And I think it was when the clock rang the four chimes and the portals started opening from the gates.. you..," he paused, he could see the scene happening in his brain as he swallowed up his saliva.
He exhaled loudly, he knew his voice would be shaky, but he continued, "I wasn't fast enough to take you away with me, and the portal completely burned away your legs, your thighs.. your lower body was just.. gone. And the pain was so much worse, you were sobbing, suffocating in your own blood. I couldn't do anything."
His voice was as a whisper, but very audibly perceptible as they were in complete silence, only the birds awaking above them could be heard.
"I just held you, sobbing, in complete despair. Telling you 'I love you' on repeat. Until eventually, I realised you weren't breathing anymore, my tears mixing in your blood as I realised, terrified, mortified, that you were dead," he paused once again, his eyes zoning on one point by his pool.
"And I wept even more, because you couldn't- can't be dead. Even if I closed your eyes myself, even if I had to leave you there and God I absolutely hate myself for it. Robin and Nancy had to drag me away from you, because I wouldn't- couldn't move. We had a funeral, but with an empty coffin so it's not real. And I think I even feel worse because your parents don't know they buried it empty, now I understand the way Nancy felt about Barbara. It's unfair. And I'm.. exhausted from all of it. It doesn't even make sense now… to live without you I mean, it's.. bland."
He finally zoned out of his trance, and directed his eyes towards her, where she was patiently listening to him.
Even though he had experienced her.. 'presence' since she was gone, he hadn't been so sincere and profound with his feelings, his suffering.
"I don't remember much, except from the cold, and the taste of blood, your tears, the excruciating pain. The suffocating part, that I definitely did not forget. But I also remember the 'I love yous' . They lulled me away to the darkness. To Death."
The scene was truly just so heart wrenching to witness. Holding her so tightly on his lap, crying his heart out, his hands on both sides of her torso to tentatively stop the bleeding.
The particles of the Upside Down would sometimes temporarily cloud his vision, the air thick, toxic, and smelled of iron with the quantity of blood around them.
She had her eyes focused on him, remembering his own and their colour, choking on her own blood, her chest kept tightening at the lack of oxygen, the pain was in wave, each time she inhaled it felt like knives were digging deeper into her flesh, and with her lower body gone, she felt it burn, it was horrendous, and the smell was enough to make her nauseous.
Tears clouded both their visions, hot cries of salty water running down their cheeks.
There was so much he wanted to say, but his shaky voice could only repeatedly tell her he loved her.
And she wanted to say she didn't want to die, she wanted to do so much with him, but she couldn't even breathe correctly, let alone speak.
Then she started feeling cold, no, she realised she was cold, and exhausted. Her eyes were just shutting off on their own, everything was blurry and she tried to resist, she tried so hard. The sounds were different, she could recognise a bit of Steve's voice trying to keep her awake but she felt herself leaving.. leaving.. and then.. nothing.
When he realised she was gone his hands left her sides to capture her cheeks, trying to wake her.
His cries were louder, gut-wrencher.
Her eyes were glazed, empty. And he kept saying her name, and he wept so much.
He felt a hand on his shoulder.
Robin came to his level, in a delicate voice she whispered, "Steve, we have to go, we need to get back to Hawkins. I'm sorry."
He was so exhausted, so done with all the shit that kept happening. He nodded mechanically.
He let out a shaky breath. He closed her eyes with his thumbs, leaving blood on her cheeks and her eyes. He kissed her forehead, and shortly after that he followed Robin and Nancy. Silent. Empty.
"I don't know how I can keep going on without you," he whispered, his voice a mess as he was on the edge of tears.
She handed him her hand, inviting him near her, he looked at it then her eyes, he didn't know if he could touch her. But he wanted to feel her so bad.
Getting up from his lounger he made his way toward her's, and sat down right next to her.
She laid her legs and indicated to him to rest against her.
"Let me hold you, Steve," that's all he needed to be convinced and lay on the lounger with her, in between her thighs as she held him. Head against her chest. Her hands in his hair.
He didn't know if he was dreaming or totally losing his mind, but he cried a few tears of happiness in a comfortable silence.
Until he woke up. Alone. Curled up on the lounger.
A new wave of despair escalated through him, watery eyes on his whiskey brown irises.
Running a hand through his hair he let out a shaky breath, holding back the tears as much as he could.
"I love you," he whispered, his eyes closed, letting it overflow, hoping he would feel some warmth to prove her presence, somehow. But nothing.
"I'll always love you."
Existential Awareness- Zhongli
Here is the first follow up to my Venti piece! For all of you who are curious, yes this is a mini series. I’m planning on writing a little bit for it every day as a warm up to my larger fics so expect more :D (which means I’ll be adding more to it everyday in my doc, not that I’m doing daily updates because… that’s more than I can handle lol). Please make sure to read my sidebar so you know what to expect from this blog. Also, these existential awareness posts will be mostly sfw in nature but I DO write nsfw and cannot promise that everything I write in this vein will be free of horny thoughts. I will tag accordingly for the post as well as in the masterlists. Tagging: @song-of-broken-pines
Self Aware Genshin Characters Masterlist
Warnings: Fourth Wall Breaks, Yandere
It was Guizhong, of course, who clued him in to your existence. At first he gets the impression that she worships a deity older than herself- a mentor to her in the same way she had been a mentor, of sorts, to him. When she sits a newly ascended Zhongli down and explains her beliefs about the world of Teyvat existing for your entertainment, he can’t help but find her delirious.
What is there to smile about? That’s the most painful and depressing thing he’s just about heard, and he’s literally a god of war.
Zhongli struggles with this revelation at first, unwilling to believe that he won his battles because some unknown being desires him to have done so.
The two of them remain at odds about it for many years, although their close bond endures despite. He does not see why she accepts your existence so easily- why she’s happy to have all of her hard work and perseverance written off as someone else’s whimsy.
Meeting Venti frustrates him as well, creating a small rift between the two of them. He could see in the airheaded bard’s eyes that he accepts your influence upon their world.
The anemo archon even seemed thankful to you. Like you hadn’t scripted the very misery and anguish he’d been forced to endure.
Zhongli is honestly baffled by all of this. It doesn’t make sense. Why should anyone be happy about this?
This goes on for thousands of years, him trying to do what he can to ignore that dreadful knowledge. He fights threats to Liyue. Sculpts mountains. Carves karsts and jeweled cliffs.
Then the day comes that Guizhong scatters. He holds her, bloody and breaking, and- smiling. At ease and peaceful with her fate. Accepting of her fate.
Zhongli can’t help but be overcome with frustration with her, even though he knows he shouldn’t- not now. But how could she be alright with this? Her creator, her writer, was tossing her aside. Tossing all of them aside- thousands upon thousands of lives.
Wasn’t it Guizhong who had taught him the value of a mortal’s life? Of all lives? What love could she have for a being who crushed more souls in a day than the god of war could in a year?
She tells him she doesn’t want to fight. Not today of all days. Maybe it’s hard to accept that he was always meant to win those battles. Maybe it hard to accept he was always meant to feel heartbreak and that burdensome grief. But she can’t help asking if he’s not happy to have known her and all of those whose paths he’s crossed until now.
What a gift, she tells him, to have been born for the purpose of meeting others. What a blessing it is to be given a heart with which to care so deeply and recklessly.
What a beautiful world to be written with so much love
What a marvelous god, to be so enamored with love as to make it the heart of their entertainment.
It’s only then that he breaks. It’s only then that the grit is polished away and he finally understands the blessing of your existence.
Guizhong is dead and gone, but she had meaning. Her existence hadn’t been for naught.
Even if he and her and everyone he cared for was to be eroded with time- they had meant something. This world would not be what it was if not for them. The bedrock of the world was each and every single person who had won his affection.
You had given them meaning. All of them. Even if it was just as background actors upon some great stage play you were watching. They were not lights flickering out in a void of existential nihilism.
What a blessing to have been born in a world built upon love.
What a blessing to have been born for someone.
Zhongli spends thousands of years becoming more attentive of the people of Liyue. Learning their names and customs. Memorizing their bloodlines and dreams. After all, you had given him this place as archon, the least he could do was get to know those who he was to preside over.
As he spends more time walking among his people, he gains a stronger appreciation for his place in the story that’s been set for him. You take so much away, but you give as well. He could not deny that there’s a grief that comes with losing those who were and continued to be beloved. Azhdaha. Guizhong. Sky Bracer. Countless others.
But, oh, what kindness it was to have been given the capacity for love. For loyalty. For honor. What a beautiful world to be written with so many splendid people to love and be loved by.
Zhongli develops a set of customs and rules for your existence. After all, it’s only proper to give thanks to one’s creator. Especially when blessed with so much fortune. He knows you do not reside within Celestia, but he hopes that when he lights lanterns that they may reach you. It’s actually due to a mortal accidentally stumbling upon this little ritual of his that the Lantern Rites begins.
He can’t bring himself to be upset when the mortals mistake the prayers he sends aloft to you as wishes and thanks. Not when they soon light the sky with hundreds of glimmering lanterns, turning the harbor into a sea of glowing lights. It’s beautiful. He hopes that wherever you are, that the sight of so many thriving people brings joy to your heart.
He hopes you know that he’s doing his best.
It comes as a rude awakening, a painful shock, when the bard waltzes into his harbor, sits across from him at the pavilion, and looks him in the eyes with the gaze of that very being he’s been praying to for the last thousands of years.
His throat feels dry as he speaks, his words sounding dull and hoarse- as if they had been scripted and he was only an actor. Zhongli can’t take his eyes off of Venti, off of you, barely acknowledging Childe as he addresses him.
When the meeting is over and the bard flutters off, shimmering with your effulgent being, he stumbles from the pavilion. His hands shake as he presses one to his mouth. His heart races with shock and disbelief as well a horrible, virulent-
It sits, bitter in his mouth as he makes his way back to his abode. His thoughts crash like a shower of stones in his mind.
Why had you reveled yourself to Venti before him? Was he not good enough? Had his prayers been lacking? Had he not shown devotion to his people? To you?
Or- was it that you were upset with his decision to cast off his role as protector and ruler of Liyue? Did you need him to continue? Surely not- why would you be playing at discovering the reason for his ‘death’ if you were?
So he settles on taking his time wandering around the edges. Zhongli is nothing if not patient. For a time, he assists you and whoever it is you have decided to grace with your guidance for the day.
It comes as another surprise to him when he realizes how… new your existence is. He catches you looking through the bard’s eyes with wonder over the wide breadth of Liyue. As if you had not been the very one to pull earth and ocean into form. A suspicion begins to form as he observes the way you interact with his country.
Maybe you hadn’t created this world.
Maybe it had been created for you.
Zhongli knows that you know who he is. That you know what he is capable of and what he has done. You look at him through a dozen different eyes but each set pierces into the very core of him.
You know him.
You always have.
He was yours, after all. He had been created for you, after all.
When Zhongli finally puts himself into your hands, it feels more right than he had ever imagined. Like he was placed where he had always been meant to be. Your presence flows through him like starlight and he can feel the press of your intentions when you move his body to your whim.
Unlike Venti, who enjoys messing with you from time to time, Zhongli likes to put himself wholly in your control. He finds it inappropriate when some of the others, like the bard, test your control for their own amusement- or due to a flawed sense of rebellion.
When his god tells him to move, he moves. When his god tells him to bleed, he offers up his spear and bows his head.
Of course, he doesn’t have that same belief in obedience as it relates to his previous rule over the people of Liyue. He doesn’t usually approve of double standards, but for you he’ll make an exception.
Zhongli takes great pride in his place on your team. To be so close to his god is an honor that he does not take lightly. However, even he cannot help the bite of curiosity. The hunger to be even nearer to the sole reason he had been born.
It starts off innocuous enough. The Lantern Rite begins and he can’t help but deliver a lantern directly to you this time. Why would he need to send a lantern into the sky when his god was at his side?
You think it’s a super cute in game bonus of sorts at first. A themed gift from one of your favorite characters! Awesome!
But the contents are a little… worrying. Uncomfortable. The tone is sweet enough but something about it sends a shiver up your spine and you can’t help but feel like Zhongli’s character model stares directly at you for a second whenever you encounter him in game or use him afterwards.
That being said, he’s startled when you take the time to care for him. You read over his voicelines/story and he can feel your sympathy for him like a pang in the chest. When you take him to the top of Mt. Aocang and take note of the table where he had once sat with Guizhong and Sky bracer, he feels your sadness beside his own.
It’s… unnerving for him at first. Getting used to you as you are instead of as what he’s projected you to be. Given his age, he’s had a lot of time to muse about his world and the purpose for which it was crafted. There is no one who has lived with this existential knowledge for as long as him, save for Venti. And, well, he’s not in much agreement with Venti’s takes.
The bard had spent eons talking about how it didn’t matter that there was a being above them that had crafted and could pilot them. He openly spoke of there being freedom in the lack of matter. He found joy in what he perceived to be the vastness of their shared reality.
Zhongli relied upon the bedrock of meaning. He did not find any comfort or relief in the belief that their fates were untethered and occasionally steered. He rooted his belief in your benevolence. In your kindness. The world had been filled with grief and loss and bloodshed, yes, but it also overflowed with beauty. Kindness. Love. Loyalty. Because of you.
He had found meaning in the radical euphoria of shared work and one’s desire to give back what they they taken. He looked into the faces of of the people who had made his long life sweet and seen his god.
He’d seen you.
Despite the occasional odd thing he does, mostly unique voicelines that sound almost as if he’s musing to himself- almost-, Zhongli doesn’t really register as a strange character the way your other companions might. He doesn’t take control from you the way Venti does when you equip him with a harp. He doesn’t address you directly the way Fishl does- or demand your attention like Childe.
It is his belief that there is a proper way to interact with one’s god and he is loathe to step out of line.
In contrast to some of the others, he comes across as almost…normal. But don’t be fooled, he’s patient and had a long time to devolve into a cult like devotion to you. After completing his final contract, he only wishes to walk amongst his people and be used by you. When he’s not at your order, he enjoys wandering the city and doing his job.
He’s patient and he doesn’t push you much, if at all. Zhongli knows you need him. Knows that, even weakened as he is, his skill set is unparalleled in its utility. When you take the time to raise him back to a shadow of his former power, he’s filled with pride.
He just wants to prove himself as a capable and devoted follower to his god. A proper and trustworthy devotee, deserving of your praise and notice.
You are, after the reason for this world’s existence. You are the reason for love. You are the reason for kindness. You are the reason for friendship.
You are the meaning behind everything and everyone.
The view from Mt. Aocang is always lovely. For thousands of years, he had watched the sunset from upon that jagged peak, and it still did not fail to take his breath away. Eyes upon the opalescent horizon, he speaks absent mindedly, the words often on his lips as he finds himself lost in thoughts.
“…but where are those who share the memory?”
But this time is different. This time you’re wrapped around his heart like an embracing mist. Your thoughts lying gentle upon his as he tethers himself to you. The turn of your mood comes as a surprise. There’s a distinct difference between the two of you, your differing thoughts and feelings not melding together but gently mingling. Not a single chimeric creature, but as if two beings embracing. He still struggles beneath the weight of your emotions upon his. Not because he finds them overbearing. They’re just- strange. Alien. Almost like those of the mortals he had spent a lifetime guiding and protecting. Maybe even like his. He had not expected you to be so similar. So capable of the same range of emotions.
But of course you are. Why would he be capable of such feelings if his god, too, could not experience them?
Apprehension prickles Zhongli’s spine as you move him closer to the table, now partially submerged in the small pond. He’s unsure of what you want when you seat him in place. The warm press of your existence shifts and he feels as if you are looking directly at his face. It is as if you- he smiles in realization. As if you are trying to seat yourself across from him at the small table. Keeping him company where those who once did no longer could. Your emotions flicker like stars inside of him.
Sympathy. Sadness. Compassion.
Zhongli wishes he had the audacity to speak to you- but the words never fail to die in his throat. They sit on his tongue like venom and settle like smoke. He has the utmost respect for the propriety with which he must act around you. And yet- he cannot help but envy the ease with which some of the others bend the rules. Or in some cases, openly break them.
But now, especially, he wishes that he could say something so that you knew the words were for you.
He doesn’t know how to tell you that it’s okay. He’s okay.
You’re here now.
In the face of such a kind god, unlike what he had expected, it’s hard for the former archon to find the words to describe how he feels. It’s harder still for him to break through the shroud that keeps the two of you worlds apart even as you inhabit his form.
He had expected a stern and all knowing god. A practiced ruler who would lord over the world they had created and wished to watch. You were neither. Every sunset upon the harbor seemed to bring joy to your heart. Standing within the boughs of the tree that marked Azhdaha’s grave filled him with your wonder. And if you breathed alike, he felt such a way that he believed the Lantern Rite had taken your breath away with its beauty.
When you had revealed yourself before him, kind and caring and strong, he had felt a fool. How could he have ever thought himself worthy of knowing you before now? He had made himself a jester for thinking that he could know you then the way he knows you now. His god had filled the world with so much beauty, of course they too were beautiful.
So he lets the bile rise in his throat. Lets his tongue sizzle and burn in his mouth as he musters his willpower.
Zhongli was a god of war. Zhongli was a god of geo. Zhongli was of the seven, and among them, the oldest.
Zhongli is millenia. He is rock and earth and prosperity. He is the diamond mountain.
And so he bends the curtain to pull himself closer to his god, his savior, his meaning- because even if it feels like sacrilege, even if it tastes of blasphemy, he cannot bear the burden of being the cause of your sadness. He would take your rage over your tears.
Zhongli breathes in and the universe holds its breath. Zhongli opens his mouth and the universe bends to his will. Zhongli speaks and, breaking through space and time and the laws of many worlds at once- reaches his god.
“Nothing would honor me more than to share osmanthus wine and create new memories together with you.”
vacant / occupied
Summary: Perhaps the restrooms of a rented out hall in the middle of Wooyoung’s 22nd birthday are not the most romantic of places to find yourself in with your boyfriend’s hands roaming you. Then again, perhaps you’re too far gone to care.
Pairing: Yunho x fem! reader
TW: None apply
CW: Implied hand kink (don’t blame me it’s mr jeong yunho), exhibitionism (ish), fingering (f receiving), orgasm denial for ab 4 seconds literally, good old squirting.
Word count: 1,880
a/n: i genuinely got an idea to write ab it being woo’s birthday like last night & i was like ‘ok when actually is his birthday?’ i googled, and, well, count me psychic. enjoy. p.s. sorry woo.
In a room full of talkative and animated guests, sits you and Yunho at one of the lavishly decorated tables in the hall, seating 8 guests. There’s name plates and balloons and confetti that will probably take the best part of 3 hours to clean up entirely, and champagne flutes filled with the appropriate bubbling alcohol.
Suppose it makes sense, given who’s the host.
Somewhere around the room the birthday boy is chatting in his usual lively tone to a group of the many guests he had the pleasure of writing each invitation to. He’s certainly somewhere, but you can only hear him before you see him.
“Wooyoung is so damn loud,” Yunho exhales a laugh softly as he takes a small sip from his glass. On the table, there is only you and him, everyone else scattered around the room in a chorus of laughs and light talk - a moment of peace from all the madness of Wooyoung’s entirely emotional ‘welcome to my birthday party’ speech and the rest of the members’ heartfelt, albeit dramatic wishes of happiness for yet another year of living with him.
“Tell me about it,” you respond, eyes tracing around the room in an attempt to find Wooyoung but only failing. Instead, they fall flat on Yunho’s hands, idly playing with one another between his lap.
“Stop staring,” he blushes when he notices you, but you can’t help it.
You see, the thing is, well- Yunho’s hands. They’re just so big. So long, fingers that work at mundane tasks so idly and without much of a second thought, but it sends your mind spiralling. All too aware of the impact his hands have on you, Yunho most definitely has the upper hand - no pun intended - to make you weak at his own request. There’s never been quite a feeling that matches that of Yunho working his fingers against you - and you’re not really sure you’d ever like to find another feeling if there is such one that exists.
His nails are trimmed - recently, you conclude, with cuticles cut perhaps suggesting a manicure that you’ll ask him about later. And the veins, oh, the veins of blue and green that protrude ever so lightly over the anatomy of his bones, how it would feel right now to have those hands wrapping around your throat, knuckle deep in your-
His hand falling onto your knee, kneading the flesh as he works his way up to your thigh has you breathless. He’s playing a game, one you would much prefer to take elsewhere than in the middle of Wooyoung’s 22nd birthday celebrations.
“Yunho,” you whisper his name under your breath as his fingers ever so lightly begin to trace at your underwear, “Not here,” the tablecloth does little to protect the wandering eye from what’s going on.
“Then where?,” he leans closer to you now, bridging what gap there was to make the casual onlooker believe it was no more than a close-knit, intimate conversation about something probably trivial.
Trivial, that’s for sure. Intimate? In other ways, yes.
Your eyes following suit to find an open corridor, presumably where the restrooms are, have Yunho clocking on quickly. With little regard now for anyone who has decided to look your way, Yunho’s hand tightly around your wrist guides you away from the party-goers and into the retreat of much more discreet areas.
“Let’s make this quick,” you only just manage to get the words out as you pass into the corridor. Yunho spots a door left slightly ajar, and fits both of your figures into an accessible toilet, plenty more room for what’s to come. Whether you both actually make it a fast occurrence, however, cannot be confirmed nor denied.
His lips almost instantaneously find themselves on yours, faster rhythm than you’d usually adopt for moments like this but it’s not something you mind so much, you suppose now is a time where you need to make haste.
His soft nibbles on your lip and the sucking on your tongue makes you softly whine out to him, and Yunho eats it up every time as he always does.
Yunho’s hands dance around your figure as you kiss, resting atop your hips first before his fingertips dig a little deeper into your flesh, before his palms grasp at your rear. He pushes you against the wall, making sure your dress rides up with the action to reveal your lacy underwear.
“My favourite, it’s like you planned this,” he takes a step back to take in the sight of you, eyes raking up your body, as well as rolling up his crisp suit sleeves to his elbows. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t plan this.
God, how good Yunho looks in his little entourage right now. Fitted black suit pants with a matching waist coat and blond hair kept neatly in place - shit. The thought of knowing he’s going to have his way with you when he looks like this…
“I’m not even touching you yet,” he laughs to himself at your prominent neediness as he lifts one of your thighs over his arm to keep you in place, “Can I keep these on?,” he motions to your underwear, pulling at the hem a little before snapping the band back lightly against your skin.
And he simply pushes them to the side, nimble fingers rubbing soft circles over your clit. It’s enough to make your head fall back gently against the tiled walls, eyes closing in pleasure from such a simple touch. You’re already wet, that much you know, and by the smirk on Yunho’s face, he’s no genius for learning that too.
Yunho loves it, knows that only he can have you in such a way, and relishes in the ways you tense slightly once he enters two digits - slowly and timidly, but he’s not shy at all. It’s his favourite part, feeling how warm and tight you are around him until he fucks you loose enough to take his cock.
“Like it like this?,” he’s slow, tantalisingly slow and he knows enough that you want him to increase his speed. But ever the man Yunho is, he wants to hear it from you.
“Faster Yunho, please,” it’s enough for now, as his fingers begin to thrust in and out with more vigour, your leg straining still on his arm but he’s determined to keep up his motions.
When he curls his fingers, that’s when you let out a delectable moan. That’s when your leg almost gives out from under you, even with Yunho’s strength.
“You’re so sexy,” he whispers against your lips as he invites you in for a kiss, “But you need to be quiet,”
Quiet isn’t something you can be right now, what with the way the lewd sounds of your wet pussy fill the silence of the bathroom. His fingers fuck you so fast now that your wetness coats his palm in droplets, some making a mess of the floor.
Gripping onto his wrist, you whine, “You- your fingers, Yunho,”
“Yeah? What about them,” Yunho is incredibly hard in his poor suit pants, but he knows there certainly isn’t enough time for you be gone long enough to do both foreplay and have sex. Quite soon, someone should pick up on your absence - if they haven’t already, that is.
“I fucking, I fucking love them,” fisting his shirt, you cry out even louder, “I’m gonna cum,”
And at your admission his fingers retract from inside you, and his arm holding your leg finally releases you.
“What was that for?,” you quiz, desperation in your tone from being ripped away from bliss.
“Just wait a little more,” and the sight of him sucking his own fingers has your eyes rolling back, clear thought in your head that maybe, maybe you could cum at the simple sight. The way his tongue so softly rolls over his extremities as though he’s not acting in such salacious ways right now. It feels selfish.
But of course, Yunho is a generous man.
His hand coming to wrap around your throat keeps you in place against the tiles of the wall, other hand working to keep your dress up just a little more as he finally snakes his fingers once again where your pussy is.
And he doesn’t go easy on you - quite the opposite in fact, as his fingers work at you with such speed that the noises of your dripping cunt echo, body reverberating from Yunho’s strength.
“Holy shit,” from the words you can force out, which are limited, Yunho can tell you’re losing it.
“Can you squirt on my fingers?,” he grunts, veins bulging out of his wrist, “Can you do that for me?,”
Rolling your eyes to the back of your head, you let out a strangled moan, “Yeah, Yunho, Yunho- fuck!,”
Yunho presses his thumb into your clit, circling as his fingers continue to fuck into you. Three fingers in now, he feels the way you clamp - the way you clamp down on him in the same ways you do when you’re going to cum.
“I’m- fu-, Yunho,” you practically scream his name as you cum, wetness coating him now and dripping onto the floor as he rubs you through it, lewd sounds dying down but never entirely ceasing.
“Fuckkkk,” Yunho’s forehead presses against your own as he sighs, hands finally releasing from you to rest lightly on your hips, “You’re insane.”
You needn’t say a word, too fucked out at the moment to respond. The room is hot, almost unbearable now you’re no longer in that headspace, and the tapping of Yunho’s drenched fingers on your lips is what brings you to the present.
You can feel Yunho’s dick through his pants, so strained now that surely the man must be in pain, but he doesn’t mind so much for the minute as you lap at his digits and clean his fingers of your own sweetness.
“Need to sort ourselves out now,” he laughs, so matter-of-factly, pulling the hem of your dress down again.
God, Wooyoung would go insane if he knew you skipped out for a few minutes to get fingered. You win some, you lose some, I suppose.
How on Earth you’re both planning to waltz back into the hall and act like you simply ‘needed a minute’, you haven’t planned yet. Hopefully nobody will really pay attention when you enter so you can sneak back in with ease, but little to your knowledge, Yeosang observed the whole ordeal leading up to your little rendezvous, and is doing you a huge favour in ensuring nobody enquires about your whereabouts.
What are friends for, huh?
You’re almost ready to make your way out the restroom, Yunho smoothing over his sleeves that he’s opted to leave up to his elbows, purely for your own viewing pleasure, when you turn back to the man.
“What about?,” you say, gesturing to the bulge in his suit pants.
“Oh, leave that,” he speaks nonchalantly, despite the rosiness of his cheeks indicating that as much as he loves Wooyoung, he’d rather get the hell out of this place right now, “I’ll fuck you when we’re home.”
© ikigaitsuki. no unauthorised copying or reposting is allowed.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the Hu Tao and Chongyun storyquests the past days. Both deal with the afterlife (well the border between life and death so far) and ghosts. We know both are canon in Genshin, they exist for this world. Now what I’ve been thinking a lot about is … how much angst can I write with that in mind? I always see a lot of these how the characters would react to your death but… yeah, have fun with this. Or not.
The ghost of you
Prompt: You died and the characters are faced with the literal ghost of you.
Genre: Angst, Hurt, no comfort (especially for Xiao)
Characters: Zhongli, Xiao,
Word count: 1714
This is not proof-read or anything, I just wanted to get that idea out of my head. I also really want to write this idea out for other characters, so maybe I'll share a part 2 in the future. and yes the title might be a mcr reference and i might have two other fics in my drafts named after mcr songsi had a rough week okay
He loved you. With all his heart, with every fibre of his being, he loved you so much. Zhongli always knew that his decision to live a life among mortals would cost a price, but in his mind, it was paid with his Gnosis all those years ago. It was not until the first of his mortal friends started to die that Zhongli was reminded of how fragile humans were. Of course, he was aware to a certain degree that he would outlive his friends and even you, he just never considered how quickly a human life was lived. You both had spent an entire life together, and while Zhonglis body did not biologically age, he is able to change his form to his liking - so when you grew old and grey so did he. Most people in Liyue would see the two of take your stroll around the city, holding hands and they were enamoured by the way you still looked at each other, just like a newlywed couple. But you grew older each day until one day, on one of your walks through the city, your collapsed. Zhongli was quick to catch you and the people around rushed towards the two, helping Zhongli getting you to a doctor. However, what was a doctor to do, than to tell Zhongli that your body is giving up? The doctor nor Zhongli can do anything against the flow of time, though Zhongli wished he could. He was not ready to let you go, he was not ready for you to onyl life in his memories until the erosion of the earth will erease you from them.
You layed in the hospital bed, Zhongli right next to you never letting go of your hand, when you took your last breath. He sat next to you for a while, not saying a word, tears running down his face until he heard your voice.
"It's okay," there you stood on the other side of the bed, your dead body between the two of you. In all the years Zhongli lived he had seen more than a few ghosts and he was aware of the human afterlife - though seeing your ghost wasn't something he anticipated. "You're dead", Zhongli said quietly, tears still spilling from his eyes. "I know, love. I know. And I wish I could've stayed with you just a bit longer, I really do. But it's time. You gave me such a wonderful life; we spend so many years together and I am so thankful for it Zhongli. For all the stories you told me, for all the sleepless nights we spend together, for all the memories we made. I loved it. I love you." Zhongli still hadn't let go of your hand, still afraid of letting you go, even though the mind he loved was standing so close to him. "Love," he started, his voice heavy with grief. "I have so many more stories to tell you. Will you stay, just for a while longer?"
At that you had to laugh a bit and oh, how much he already missed your laugh. He just heard it a few hours ago, when you were still alive, but hearing it now just felt so painful. "Zhongli, even 10 lifetimes wouldn't be enough to be able to listen to all of your stories. But I'm so sorry to disappoint you, you know I can't stay."
He knew this just too well. Not only as someone who worked for decades as a consultant of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor in Liyue, but also as the former Geo-Archon he knew it was better for you to go. It pained him that he could never follow you into the afterlife that was awaiting you, even Zhongli didn't know what awaits you behind the border between life and death. "Then," Zhongli began, standing up and letting go of your cold hand, "let me accompany you."
Continuation for the Xiao one
Xiao refused to go even near the place you died for decades. The day he lost you was still so fresh in his memories, it pained him even more than his karmic debt to think about it. He always told you, when you were still by his side, that when you were in trouble, in danger, to always call his name. You did. You always did and he would be by your side, protecting you from what would’ve harmed you.
The only time you refused to call his name in time was the day you died, and all Xiao could do was blame himself. You were visiting at the Inn earlier that day, standing next to him on the balcony talking about something he doesn’t even remember. What he remembers how happy you were, how enthusiastic you talked about it, whatever it was. Somehow though the conversation shifted, and you both ended up fighting – the reason for it was so stupid and it was all his fault. He was just in a bad mood that day and not even your warm presence were able to change it, so he let it out on you. Trying to push you away, again. Xiao cursed himself for how often he did that, how often he would hide how much he loved you, how much he cared for you, behind a mean exterior that only caused you pain. You knew what he was doing and that day, you just had enough.
“Stop trying to push me away, Xiao!”, you shouted at him, tears already filling your eyes. You tried to reach for him, but he pulled away. Keeping you at a distance, again. “And you just stop talking, it’s exhausting to hear your voice.” Xiao already hated himself immediately after he said it, but looking back now, knowing what his words caused… it drove him close to madness. “Fine,” you replied, and he could her how much his words hurt you, “then you’ll never hear it again.”
With that you left him. He tried to distract himself from the guilt he felt after your fight with his work, slashing through the enemies, spoiling the earth of Liyue with more blood. For nearly a month he didn’t hear you call him, and he was too scared to seek you out. Scared that you wouldn’t want to see him, scared that he ruined it all. When you finally called for him, when he finally heard you say his name – he hoped it was a chance for him to make it up to you. Xiao was not prepared to find your lifeless body, realising that you called his name with your very last breath. It send him into a blind rage, killing the enemies around him that were the cause for your death. When there was nothing left to kill he collapsed next to your corpse, tears spilling from his eyes, chanting your name over and over like a prayer. Asking himself why you hadn’t called him sooner to only remember what he said weeks prior. It was his fault. He couldn’t help it but to blame himself for your death. If he hadn’t said those words, if he hadn’t continuously tried to push you away… you were right. Xiao will never hear your voice again.
He avoided to go even near the place you died. If he hadn’t done that, if he had visited at least once, he would’ve seen your ghost, wandering aimlessly around. At first you were just confused, what had just happened? The last thing you remembered is that you called for Xiao and now? Now you stood in the middle of a forest, no Xiao in sight but also the enemies who cornered you just now were also gone. For how long you wandered around, confused and not sure what had happened you didn’t know. It scared you. You screamed his name, over and over again but you couldn’t hear your own voice. You just couldn’t make a sound.
He didn’t mean to come across that place again. Xiao learned to live with the guilt and grief he felt, just as he had to learn to live with his karmic debt. Still, it hurts more than he likes to admit. So when he stumbled upon the place he lost you all those years ago, he asked himself how he ended up here again. Something was telling him he should come here, but he tried to ignore that voice, that calling.
But when he saw your ghostly figure between the trees of the forest, it used to be a plain field when you had died, he froze. Was it really you?
“(Y/N)?”, he called out to you. Oh, how long he hadn’t said your name. It felt foreign, but also so familiar at the same time. But you didn’t hear nor see him, you were too lost after years of roaming the fields that grew to a forest – not being able to understand that time passed, that you were dead.
Xiao came closer to your ghost and saw how you screamed something, over and over. His name. It was his name. “(Y/N) it’s me, I’m here. Please, I’m here, it’s okay”, his voice was strained and when your face met his – Xiao noticed how you didn’t look at him. You looked right through him, he noticed now how he couldn’t reach you with his words nor his presences. He tried to grab you, but his hand only touched the air. If he could at least hear you call his name.
Xiao felt how his tears ran down his face, his heart shattering again in thousand pieces. Why hadn’t he noticed it earlier how you roamed the earth, lost and scared. He saw it in your face. Why didn’t he come here earlier? It pained him to know that you hadn’t found your peace. Xiao went down on his knees, face buried in his hands. The last time he felt so helpless was when he found your dead body, unable to help you. And now? Now it happened again, he had no idea what he could do to help you, to make you see him. From that day on Xiao spend most of his time watching over your ghost, hoping that one day he’ll hear you call out to him again.
Oh I would love to hear your opinions on Downton Abbey if you want to share them! <3
Given that I shared specifically controversial opinions last time, I’ll talk about my more positive views, now.
Anna, Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore are my favourite characters! Anna is particularly special to me, what with how unfailingly kind, sunny and hardworking she is, but never at the expense of her sensibility or assertiveness. There’s so much depth to her goodness considering its purity and its perseverance across a series that frequently disservices her, and a very tragic backstory that I deeply wish had been delved into more. I could write dissertations about her, she’s my princess, I adore her.
Mrs Hughes is obviously incredible. She’s the glue holding the household together and she’s never been wrong a day in her life, she’s so effortlessly graceful and generally superior. Mrs Patmore is absolutely hilarious, so witty and, again, right about everything, I’m just delighted every time she’s on screen. Never mind when the two of them - or, better yet, the three of them - are all together!
The romances are top tier. Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes are beautiful in ways that I’m not sure I’ve even fully comprehended - the slow burn, the wars they lived through together, the strength they drew in each other across literal decades as co-leaders of staff, as friends. The wrangling that was required of personalities, of significant differences in opinion, in order for them both to admit to their feelings. Anna and Mr Bates are one of my favourite fictional couples of all time. Here is this man who carries nothing but regret and unhappiness, whose life has been ruled by his mistakes, and he’s been granted another chance at peace and he wants to use it to be a better person. The last thing he’s expecting is to fall in love. But then he meets Anna, and she’s so kind to him, so gentle with him, from the very beginning, and it’s a friendship untouched by ulterior motives, untouched by darkness, because these things don’t exist in Anna’s world, and she’s inviting him to stay there. Their yearning stage is pure perfection, and it leads to such a payoff, once they’re married and Bates can be honest about just how obsessed with her he is, just how little he cares about anything else.
Mr Molesley and Miss Baxter are adorable too - both as individuals and as a couple.
As for upstairs - I’m not unique in that I love Sybil best of the daughters. I love Robert and his Labradors and I love Isobel and Violet. I also love Matthew and Tom Branson, and as far as I’m concerned they’re still brothers-in-law and the Crawleys were untouched by untimely deaths, beyond the Titanic and the war. Oh, and maybe Mr Gregson, because I love Bertie.
It’s so lovely to see you in my inbox! I’ve missed talking to you. Thank you so much for asking me, I’m so happy to have an excuse to gush about my ships and characters 💗
How the beloved members of Måneskin act in long distance relationships
im sorry abt thomas but we good to go other than shite writing and cursing *Masterlist*
In the event of Vic loving a person as much as she loves you, Vic's last wish would be for the relationship to be long distance
Alas, here we are
There is not more than two nights a week where you're not on FaceTime with her till the birds are singing their annoying fucking songs
Vic also writes you letters in her beautiful and unique handwriting, sprays them with her perfume, leaves a lipstick kiss on the bottom of the page, then sends it to you by mail
She never tells you to expect a letter, but it'll be at least once or twice a month
Of course, Vic nips at any chance she can get to see your beautiful face and hold you tight and feel your skin beneath her fingertips
But if the December holidays roll around and you're separated, expect Vic to put her own spin on the 12 Days of Christmas, with each day's gift becoming more extravagant than the last
For your birthdays, she'd fight tooth and nail to be right by your side as you blow out the candles, but if she couldn't, expect a massive delivery for your birthday; a letter, some of her clothes, a blanket, a small bottle of Vic's perfume, etc.
Vic doesn't like not being right there with you, but you two can always get through it because you're so hopelessly in love that not even distance may infringe upon that
The clingiest motherfucker under the sun
Thomas would literally do anything and everything he could just to catch a glimpse of you, in-person
Constant texts (yet somehow he knows when to stop before he gets annoying), always asks to ring you (if not, he'd ask for a voice message because he 'can't live through a full day without hearing your sweet voice'), letters letters letters
Anytime he'd see you, in the flesh, there would always be an hour dedicated to photos, so he'd always have something to look at when his heart ached for you
Thomas would literally rather pay for you to be beside him (plane fares, train tickets, anything) than to be without you
However, the love you two share would be flexible to long distance, it would just be rougher because Thomas needs that physical tether to someone
I regret to say, I doubt Thomas would ever start a relationship online, but he certainly would be open to continuing one in a long-distance way
To get into Thomas' heart, you need to physically be there
But really, so long as he has a picture of you smiling, with his lips against your temple, he'll be happy as a clam
Ethan would literally never hang up on FaceTime
You would both fall asleep on FaceTime, do menial tasks on Facetime, cook and eat together over FaceTime
It sort of became the stand-in
The only time you both weren't on the phone would be when one of you took a shower or left your homes - which was getting rarer and rarer as the days drew on
Ethan detested being away from you, and while the FaceTiming satiated him a bit, it was nothing like the real you
Your physical quirks weren't always visible over the phone, your laugh didn't hit his ear the same way, the sun didn't quite shine upon you as it did when he was seeing you with his own eyes
Virtual you was about a trillion times better than no you at all, so Ethan took what he could get
Without a second thought, Ethan would always be angling to see you, anytime and anyway he could, in person
Ethan would be the most content with a long distance relationship, but that does not mean that his heart wouldn't feel cold and empty during those periods without your voice in his ear or face on his screen
Goddamn is this man ever hard to pin down
You both agree, it's stupid to basically dedicate your lives to calling each other
Instead, you both live your lives, but call whenever both of you were at home and not doing anything - Damiano didn't want to force his way into your schedule, and nor you to him
Not negating the previous points, do not think for a second there wouldn't be constant reminders of who you were in a relationship with
Damiano found the number of your local florist shop and had them deliver you various bouquets, all with meanings of love, every four days at 9 am like clockwork
Your closet would be half yours and half Damiano's, and the same for him, as you both mailed each other your clothes to wear to just to hold to your nose (either at night to assure peaceful dreams or in the mornings to put a pep in thy step)
Long love letters would routinely be sent to your address, and always signed by 'Your Secret Admirer'
He wasn't fooling anybody, but Damiano wasn't trying to fool anybody
The letters would be written by fountain pens, on slightly discoloured paper, with scratch outs and ink blots, and the occasional absurd doodle on the backside
Like previously stated, Damiano didn't want you to resign your life to being on the phone, but he more than certainly wanted it known who you belonged to
alr you dirty bitches, ici is the request, however im pasisng out as i type
Hello everyone, I know I haven't published anything in awhile despite promising Christmas fanfics. I literally had the worst holiday season last year but...At least I had my friends to help me get through the difficult time. Honestly last season reminded me I honestly hate the holiday season and surprisingly all my friends do too...So my inspiration for writing anything Christmas related was down.
Granted I never wrote an Adrigami Christmas fanfic before and this idea was nagging me...Sorry if it's meager.
Anyways I would like to wish a happy late Christmas to KagamiPINKAgreste from fanfiction.net and @sparklesofinventive. I hope both of you enjoy this!
After years of considering Christmas nothing but an annoyance, Kagami was at least happy that this holiday season was peaceful. None of her family members were here to ruin the mood, and this was her first Christmas in her adorable apartment.
So many fluffy white snowflakes fell outside, and Kagami felt she was inside one of those adorable little snow globes. She sipped peppermint tea by the space heater, and it made her think of the days when she sat by fireplaces during winter and just listened to the sound of fire.
The best holiday season she had had in years, but she also wished this wouldn’t just be a quiet uneventful night.
Well, Kagami couldn’t complain. She did everything to make this the best Christmas it could be. There were gifts she gave to adorable little kids, the night lit up with Christmas lights, the sound of jingle bells in the streets, and for nights she dreamt of cute elves and miracles. But she couldn’t help but feel those were only facets of this holiday.
But the night was getting darker, and Kagami voted on turning down the lights and watching the Christmas lights on her humble tree until she finally felt like wrapping herself in blankets and falling asleep. But she wanted to stay awake a bit longer, so she poured herself another cup of tea and peeled another orange. And then there was a strange knock on her door.
Kagami asked herself who could be here at this hour. She was ready to defend herself from any attacker as she slowly opened the door, but the only thing she was was a giant Christmas present by her welcome mat.
Kagami certainly was surprised. She felt she was too old to believe in a jolly old man who sends gifts at miraculous times. She was about to dismiss this as another wish-fulfillment dream, but she couldn’t help but pull on the red ribbon that tied the present together.
But as Kagami pulled off the red ribbon, the giant box rattled, and when she heard a familiar cry, a young man with beautiful blonde hair popped out of the present and fell on top of Kagami. His soft lips pressed against hers, and thankfully the door was open as Kagami fell on the soft carpet with Adrien on top of her. Both of them were blushing bright red from the sudden kiss.
As much as Adrien was enjoying kissing his girlfriend’s sweet lips again, he quickly picked himself up and sat down on the ground. Kagami was speechless as she picked herself up and pressed her fingers against her lips.
“Sorry about that Kagami. Merry Christmas Eve!”
Adrien was never going to live that one down.
But Kagami happily took her boyfriend in and sat him on the couch as she poured him a cup of tea and peeled him an orange.
Adrien looked down and twiddled his fingers while blushing hard. Kagami happily sat beside the blonde-haired boy as she placed his tea and orange on the table. But Adrien grinned as he was more concerned with being beside the beautiful Japanese girl with bob-cut hair.
“I’m so happy you visited me even with the busy holiday season, my love,” Kagami said. She didn’t hesitate to hold his adorable baby face with her hands and cherish him.
Adrien blinked his green cat eyes and smirked, but he only looked all the more adorable and caused Kagami to affectionately squish his face again. But then the young couple couldn’t help but burst into laughter, and Kagami removed her hands from her boyfriend’s face to hold her stomach from the most laughter she had had in weeks.
As much as Adrien loved making her laugh, he had to stop and clear his throat.
“I had to make sure to spend Christmas with you, my love,” he said.
Kagami’s mouth dropped, and she crawled toward him and placed her hands on his knees as she gave him a stern look. “You made sure you weren’t being reckless, right?!”
Adrien was silent as he gently laced her hands with his own. He gave her a corny smile.
“Well, Santa Claus always makes sure presents come to the recipient’s house safe and sound.”
Adrien soon realized that now wasn’t the time to be funny, considering Kagami looked flabbergasted.
“Adrien!!!” Kagami nearly made the couch shake under them from yelling. Oh, did Adrien feel lucky dating such a strong-willed and beautiful girl.
But Kagami sighed and hung her head in front of him.
“You didn’t have to be so reckless,” she said. “I would’ve been ok with both of us spending Christmas safe from the harsh winter…Even if we would be in different countries.”
Adrien shook his head and cupped her chin with his hand. “I couldn’t accept it! I couldn’t accept another bad Christmas, and I decided this would be a great Christmas with my father finally gone.”
Adrien’s peridot eyes sparkled as he moved his hands on Kagami’s shoulders. Kagami was breathless as she saw how serious Adrien was about this moment. Then with a crack of his voice, he hung his head.
“Besides…” He sniffed.
“I couldn’t spend the holidays away from you Kagami. I missed you so much!” He cried as he hid the tears streaming from his eyes.
Kagami needed to hold her beloved black cat boy. He was sincere as ever, risking the harsh winter just so the two of them could be together. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and Adrien lifted his face. Before Kagami could say anything, she wiped the tears off his cheeks with her hands before wrapping him safely in her arms again.
“Adrien, I couldn’t be happier you are here with me. I don’t need trivial Christmas trinkets. You are the gift. The greatest gift I ever received. You are my best friend, my partner, and I love you so much!”
Suddenly, a tear rolled down Kagami’s eye, and a feeling of hunger appeared on Adrien’s lips. The two of them moved closer and pressed their lips together as Adrien fell backward on the couch with Kagami on top of him. The two of them made out and cuddled for a long time, and it was as if the outside world and the commercial holiday of shiny material possessions faded away from them.
As the night passed, Kagami introduced Adrien to sitting in the dark as the Christmas lights on the tree glowed. Adrien laced his hand with Kagami’s as she rested her head on his shoulder. The blonde-haired boy watched the Christmas tree like a curious cat as he daydreamed of the holiday fun cartoon characters have.
He would have the desire to run in the snow with Kagami, and technically they were young adults, and the world was theirs. Their parents could not tell them what to do or where to go. But then he noticed that Kagami was breathing softly from sleeping against him.
Adrien smiled down at her, he would let her lay on the couch with him as he could continue to watch the tree, but she needed something more comfortable. He lifted her sleeping body bridal style and carried her into her bedroom. Adrien gently placed her on the bed and was thankful she was still sleeping peacefully. In fact, his beautiful girlfriend was smiling in her sleep, and he couldn’t help but kiss her softly on the forehead. Adrien laid down beside her and covered both of them in a blanket. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his beating heart. Adrien kissed her temple once more, and before he closed his eyes, he lifted his head and saw out the window that the heavy snowfall had stopped, and the world outside was peaceful under a blanket of white snow that sparkled like diamonds.
Tomorrow would be a beautiful white Christmas.
XIX-THE SUN CH.6
CH.6: The red carnations to a copper circlet
Fëanorians x GN Modern Reader.
Wordcount: 2.9k . Sub pairing CH6: Maedhros x Reader x Caranthir.
Warning: mentions of scars/birthmarks/appearance insecurity.
Appearances sometimes shape our confidence, other times they are our worst nightmare. Most often we can only fantasize about the characters we hold so close to our hearts. To see them face to face is something one could only wish for in their wildest dreams.
Though wildest dreams they are for us, to them it may very well be different.
It was another beautiful morning, another morning meaning another heap of muffled yelling from downstairs. You groaned and rubbed your eyes to clear away the last bits of peaceful sleep.
At this point you were starting to give up on the idea of ever getting to sleep in for a day. It simply was not possible with the Fëanorians around. Much less, specifically, with Celegorm. Who coincidentally is also the reason for your rude awakening.
“Hey y/n! Wake up. It’s morn already, we’re hungry.” He quite literally yelled at you. Unfortunately he had abandoned his prior position at the door in favor of standing by your bed. This meant you now had a god awful ringing in your right ear for the past 5 minutes. You glared at him and told him to get out, which he did.
You slowly got up from your bed, getting dressed was not your priority right now. You were overheating from both the summer weather and the idiot that had woken you. So you decided to change later, right now you needed something cold.
Slipping on some light shoes you walked down the hallway to the living room. It made you happy to see they had learned from the previous days not to do any cookery in the fire place, and to patiently wait for you to wake up. Patiently is subjective here. It seems it always is with these guys around.
Beauty is subjective as well. Perhaps it’s the most subjective thing out there. There are beauty standards, but many don’t adhere to them. It’s simply not natural. If only people could see one another through the lens of love and compassion, maybe there would have been fewer hurts. You thought sadly. You arrived in the hallway and was greeted as usual. Happy smiles and welcoming gestures.
Breakfast was tasty and light. It seemed that everyone shared your thought of needing something cold. So breakfast consisted of many fruits and cold drinks. Somehow Caranthir still managed to drink his many cups of coffee for breakfast. How he was keeping himself cool and fresh was a mystery to you.
After breakfast everyone went about their day in varying scales of loudness. You decided to sit out on the sofa for a little bit. Not wanting to go out in the heat just yet. You started to doze off a little. However as soon as you got comfortable the doorbell scared you out of your wits.
You weren’t expecting anyone, right…? Your thoughts were a jumbled mess and you attempted to untangle them on your way to the door. You opened the door and before you stood a delivery guy. With two big boxes signed by a few clothing companies.
Then it clicked. You ordered clothes for the 7 elves in your household. You quickly took the packages and signed the delivery paper. Wishing the delivery guy a good day as you closed the door.
Walking back to the living room you practically yelled for everyone to come to the living room to try out their new clothes. Soon everyone was seated and visibly excited, if not a little anxious to try out their new items.
The Ambarussa’s outfits were a great success. They looked great in the varying shades of green and brown they chose for their first outfit change. Celegorm had something that looked ridiculously similar to an elvish archer outfit. Though perhaps a little more casual. Nonetheless it looked great.
Maglor immediately threw himself on the biggest, puffiest minstrel sleeved shirt he had bought. It was a pure white and had a lovely embroidered neckline. He was head over heels with it and spent the rest of the day in it.
Curufin pulled out some exceedingly fancy items from his package. He still looked ridiculously regal in the fine fabrics, but compared to his elvish robe you could get away with calling his new outfit “Casual”. His current favorite was a deep maroon shirt with a snug fit around the body. It had some golden detailing on it to make the soft fabric stand out. He had let you touch it prior to wearing, since he did agree that it was very good quality.
Caranthir was pretty straight forward with his clothing as well. A textured black jacket with silver thread embroidery seemed to be his current favorite. He seemed to enjoy the deeper shades on the color spectrum. He wore a highly pigmented, deep Bordeaux red top under his jacket.
Maedhros was quite excited about his items, until he tried on a particular top. It was a gorgeous peacock green with long sleeves, but the neckline had been a deeper cut than what he anticipated. Exposing many of his scars as a result. His face fell and he instinctively reached to cover the exposed skin with his left hand.
It was obvious that he was uncomfortable, so you quickly gave him a different shirt with a higher neckline for him to change in to. He thanked you and changed into it quickly.
Though his shirt now changed and didn’t expose as much scars, his face remained sullen.
For the most part of the day, everyone seemed to enjoy their items, both the clothing and the decor. Maedhros however wasn’t so chipper anymore. Caranthir seemed to notice this as well.
Something you had noticed about both Maedhros and Caranthir was that their clothing interests , modesty wise, were extremely similar. Both preferred clothes with high necklines, long sleeves and hemlines that also draped down as low as possible. Their clothes seemed to cover almost every bit of skin they had. Modesty is never a bad thing of course, and you knew that. Though something inside you remained warry of Maedhros’ and Caranthir’s reactions to some clothing styles.
Take for example the lovely phthalo blue shirt you pointed out to Caranthir when you were online shopping, it would surely look good on him. He had glanced over the item no more than even half a second before paling and brushing you off. “Absolutely not, do you wish for me to look like a beaten corpse?” he sounded somewhat hostile and avoided eye contact with you for a good 5 minutes after.
Maedhros made it quite clear at the beginning of the shopping spree that he would take his time looking for proper clothing. He wanted modest lines. As such he also paled visibly each time one of his brothers suggested him clothes with daring lines. He however wasn’t responding to them in a hostile way, he wasn’t responding at all.
Every time something specifically different to their tasted passed by, their reactions would seem as if they had been nailed to the ground in fear, like a startled deer caught in the glaring headlights of a passing car. Unsure how to act.
Maedhros had been hiding away in his room for the remainder of the day. Each time you came to visit he somehow scrunched deeper away into himself at his desk. Assuring you that all was fine with a smile that looked just a tiny bit forced. He had refused to come to dinner this evening, you were starting to worry about him.
It was 01:48 am when you finally decided to come ask him what happened. The majority of the Fëanorians had retired to their rooms, so that gave you some guarantee that there would be little interruption.
You walked upstairs quietly. Cicada’s and birds were singing their songs loudly out in the garden, contrasting heavily with the silence in the house. Their song always seemed so much louder at night.
You gently knocked on the door, hoping not to wake Maglor in case he was sleeping. A barely audible “come in” came from behind the door, and you stepped inside. Maglor was indeed already asleep, his back turned towards you. Maedhros was still awake and sitting at the desk with a lone candle lighting up the space.
He turned away from the desk slightly, but not enough to show his face to you. “Is everything alright y/n ? Why are you not asleep?” he asked in a hushed tone. You walked a bit closer to him so you wouldn’t have to speak so loud. “I’m fine, but we missed you during dinner as well as during the rest of the day. Is anything bothering you Maedhros?” you whispered. His body tensed for a moment when you said that. He let out a sigh. “No, I am fine, it is nothing you need to worry about.”
You stood there for a moment, quietly pondering what to do or say next. You remembered that somewhere in the Silmarillion it was described that Maedhros had an extremely low self esteem regarding his appearance post Angband.
You glanced over his hunched form. Taking in the many scars upon his skin. Lingering on his missing hand for a few seconds. You knew very well what horrors he’d been through. You felt a wave of sadness rush over you. It pained you that he had suffered so much, and to see that even now, far from the horrors of Angband he was still suffering. You wanted to help him somehow, perhaps offer him some words to console him. Unfortunately words were failing you at this moment. So all you could do was stand there by his side, pondering and mulling over things quietly.
You were startled from your meditative haze by a short knock on the door. The door opened to reveal a cranky looking Caranthir. He looked dishevelled and had darker than normal circles under his eyes. He stepped further into the room, eyeing both you and Maedhros with questioning eyes. “What is going on here? Are you two done having your tea party yet?” he hissed.
Maedhros sighed and turned towards his brother. “Y/n only came to ask if everything was okay. No tea parties here dear brother.” He said. You stepped to the side so you could face both Fëanorians at the same time. You thought it over and decided it might be good to get information from both of them over tea. Perhaps Caranthir’s tea party joke wasn’t too far off.
In a soft voice you asked them to come downstairs for some herbal tea. Chamomile, lavender, Valerian, you had all three. Something for each person’s needs.
As such it turned out that all three of you were now sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. Maedhros got the strongest herb; Valerian. Most commonly used for destressing an individual to the point of near knockout. This of course depends on the dosage. You used loose leaf teas, so you made sure to be careful. Caranthir had chamomile and you drank lavender. Caranthir had complained before that he felt stressed and couldn’t sleep well. Chamomile helps with relaxation, unfortunately Caranthir didn’t fancy the flavor much. You had gotten a streak of insomnia from the sudden changes in your life, this combined with poor digestive health led to you now drinking lavender tea.
You stayed still for a while, observing the scene. Both Caranthir and Maedhros were starting to visibly relax and unwind from your herbal tea. The night air was starting to chill a little. The silence between the three of you was comfortable.
Maedhros set down his cup on the table, he sighed and reeled back into the chair. He rubbed his face with his hand, contemplating what to say or do. He broke the silence not too long after that.
“I felt exposed this afternoon. Too much for my comfort.”
This startled both you and Caranthir. Caranthir knew from the many years he’d spent with his brother that speaking of his appearance was challenging to say the least. Maedhros always covered his scars as much as possible, especially post Angband. After his torture in the hands of Morgoth, he became cold and discarded a lot of things he used to care about appearance wise. He had cut his hair as short as that of the human men, and refused to wear the clothes he once wore. They drew too much attention to his “unsightly parts” as he would say. Even his copper circlet, made by his father, had been banished to the back of one of his drawers to collect dust and grime.
Losing his right hand on top of the scarring, was almost the last drop for the bucket to overflow. Through his time in Mandos he has recovered slightly, but far from enough.
“I understand how you feel somewhat. Though my worries are perhaps not as great as yours, I still feel insecure about my appearance as well.” Caranthir suddenly said.
Caranthir has always been made fun of due to his red facedness. His birthmarks span not only over his face but on his neck and arms too. Elvish beauty standards are not always inclusive. Especially in the elder days when there simply were no other known races yet. There was no appreciation for differences back then. It sounds rather black and white, perhaps it is, maybe not. Unfortunately in the times when he was younger he simply didn’t have anyone else who looked the same. So the constant taunting and poking only further fuelled his doubts and insecurities. At some point he truly felt like his birthmarks were a curse.
You felt grieved to hear their stories. From the book you can only get so much, yet now you got to see them face to face. It’s so incredibly different. Nowadays we also have many beauty standards. Mostly they are Eurocentric. Luckily lately this has started to change, even if only a little. A little often goes a long way. Acceptance is slowly becoming the new normal.
You looked at the two elves, taking in their appearance.
Maedhros’ hair has become much longer again, with beautiful red waves and curls. He had freckles all over his skin. Scattered around in clusters of golden stars and milky ways. His scars were deep and colored in silver like lightning. A lone dimple could be spotted on his right side when he smiled in a certain way. He somehow looked incredibly beautiful yet intimidating. Despite his scars. His blue eyes seemed warm, not cold as described in the book. Though maybe it’s the sleepiness catching up to him.
Caranthir’s hair was a dark brown, nearly black. It was smooth as silk in appearance with a slight bend at the ends. His eyes were just as piercing as his brother’s, though his are silver, not blue. On his skin what people call unsightly birthmarks, to you looked like hundreds of lively red carnations. Blooming freely and undisturbed across his skin. It was a stark contrast on his pale skin. A strong contrast that was inviting. He looked beautiful to you as well.
It made you wonder just how beautiful Lúthien must’ve been, if she was considered even more beautiful than all others. And what of the Valar & Maiar? It made your head spin just trying to think about it.
Now though it was your turn to feel embarrassed. You had been in a trance describing their features. Unknowingly you had spoken all of it aloud. Both elves were too stunned to speak. They could only stare at you in disbelief.
You felt your blood boil in embarrassment. The lavender tea seemingly did it’s work a little too well. You wanted to sink through the ground right now. Unfortunately that wasn’t an option, the only option you had was to sit still and listen to their newly formed thoughts.
“Thank you….I guess. But I’m quite certain my red face does not remind anyone other than you of carnation flowers.” Caranthir huffed. His face was even redder than normal, it even reached his ears. He got up and walked off “To bed.” He had muttered. He looked back at you and Maedhros, still sitting at the table. Caranthir huffed again like a child and stormed off as quiet as he could.
“That was very kind of you to speak so highly of our appearances. I am not certain if I myself could see it the way you do any time soon. But I will try to keep your opinion in mind more often. It surely does sound far more gentle than my own thoughts.” Maedhros said quietly.
“Have a good night y/n. We’ll speak more tomorrow.”
He stood up and walked away to his shared room. Undoubtedly later questioned by Maglor.
Now only you were left sitting at the table. An empty mug in hand. A sleepy haze covering you like a blanket. The clock read 04:30 am, it was high time for you to retire. You fell asleep that night and slept like a log. Even Celegorm couldn’t wake you with his yelling the next day.
Second Lead Syndrome
Word Count: ~8.7k words
liked this? there’s more on my masterlist!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comedy, Female reader insert
Description: Y/n and Minho have been friends for more than 2 years now, but suddenly she begins to see herself as the mere second lead in Minho’s story. Will she be the rare second lead who gets her own happy ending?
Warnings: some crying, themes of unrequited love (if there’s anything that I missed don’t hesitated to let me know!)
I’d only ever encountered Second Lead Syndrome in the dramas I’d watched. Wanting the girl to end up with the second lead who was so obviously the better and healthier choice, but like every avid watcher of kdramas, it's more than likely for the main leads to end up with each other, that was just how it worked. What I never thought I’d encounter was seeing it happen before my own eyes and experience it firsthand.
Life was never supposed to be a kdrama. Life was supposed to be simple, a straight line, going from point A to B with no complications. But life never really went my way did it? It just had to throw in one variable, one man that had too much influence on my life.
I couldn’t remember the first time I met Minho. It was probably sometime in the first grade when his family first moved in next to mine. But alas, we were both too young to remember exactly what sparked our friendship. One day we were strangers and the next we had given our parents a near heart attack when we both went after a stray cat on the way back home (my mom’s words, not ours). From then my memories were filled with him, just us besties hanging out like anyone would with their best friend. First party, first mental breakdown, first drink, all with him. Soon enough we were in our final year of University, and ultimately, adults.
The Minho I knew was laid back, not too extroverted but not too introverted either. While I completely contrasted him, always anxious about something, wanting perfection to the T, and completely and utterly introverted.
Our friendship, moving into University, sparked a lot of questions. You wouldn’t typically find the introverted straight-A student with the borderline badboy tsundere walking and laughing in the halls together, spending practically every waking moment together. But Minho didn’t care, and neither did I, so we moved through life pretty easily.
One of the few things we had in common was our love for cats, and when we both foudn out there was a cat cafe just a few minutes walk from our campus, you best bet we spent too much of our time and money there. Studying, hanging out, anything you could imagine. If we weren’t in one of our dorms, we were more than likely to be in the cat cafe.
Every day after class we’d go there and we’d complain about our least favorite professors and how lectures would seemingly last for longer than they should. Additionally, Minho had almost become akin to my own dormmate with how much time he spent in my dorm. He’d come in whenever he wished, stealing my frozen pizzas and sodas, using my Netflix account on my TV to watch weird National Geographic shows and make random comments like “that snake looks just like Kim Seungmin,” or “look its Hannie” whenever a squirrel came on screen. Minho was always there when I needed a drinking partner after bombing a test or assignment, pouring me shots of soju until I passed out and bringing me to my bed and tucking me in whiel he would sleep on the couch to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid in the middle of the night.
Although, more people knew Minho’s name than mine, but that didn’t bother any of us. We continued on being friends as usual, and it felt like nothing would change that. Life was moving in a straight line like it should’ve always been.
At least, that’s what it felt like until February, just a few months before we graduated.
I make my way to our usual spot in the courtyard after buying an iced coffee and a snickers bar from the vending machine next to my classroom, I walk up behind Minho sitting on a bench when I find him staring out in front of him instead of looking at cat videos on his phone like he usually does. Slowing my walk, I trail my eyes to the vague direction he’s facing and see that he’s looking at Kim Seungmin and a girl chatting outside the classroom. I ignore the thought, opting to think that Minho must’ve spaced out thinking about how he would irritate Seungmin next class. I plop down next to him when he still doesn’t take note of my arrival, so I get right next to his ear and blow cold air into it, snickering when he jolts in surprise.
“What was that for?” He whines, fake annoyed.
“You got lost up in your thoughts for a certain Kim Seungmin there.” I snicker some more, opening my snickers (hehe) bar.
Just as I’m about to take the first bite of the sugary goodness, the chocolate bar gets snatched out of my hands and a certain Lee Minho takes an obnoxious bite out of it, not even giving it back but eating it like it was his. I pout, watching him devour my snack, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to get it back.
“For your information, I was not thinking about Kim Seungmin.” He says pointedly, slightly muffled by the chocolate in his mouth.
I sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to get that chocolate bar back any time soon, and open my iced coffee. “So what were you thinking about then?” I ask before taking a sip.
“Don’t know, spaced out.” Is all the answer I get and I highly doubt him, but I brush it off anyways and don’t pry.
Minho and I slide into our usual conversation about assignments, plans for the week, and everything under the sun. We talk about how he’s planning to visit home the next day and stay for a weekend and how excited he is to see his cats after a long time, I unknowingly smile at his ramble about how talkative Dori is, and just sit back and listen. I never took into account how healing it was to just watch and listen to him talk, the sultry of his voice and his little exclamations of frustration or excitement that came once in a while. I had to catch myself from staring when he turned to look at me, having asked me a question I didn’t catch.
“Sorry what was that?” I ask.
“Am I that beautiful for you to have lost your hearing to my handsome face?” I couldn’t just tell him that that was basically what had happened, it would inflate his ego by too much and reveal everything I’d hidden thus far.
“The heck? No, I was thinking about how great it would be to get some peace and quiet while you’re not around this weekend.” I lie, having Minho around is the only thing that brings me entertainment that isn’t endless sappy kdramas on my laptop, but he can never know that.
Minho scoffs, says something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, then turns back to me. “You love me.” He says with a pout.
“Unfortunately I do.”
That was the first of many inconspicuous confessions.
It was nearing 3 or 4 am and I was about halfway done with another kdrama when several knocks resound through the small living space. Knowing exactly who it is, I only shout back “you know the code!” and moments later the door opens.
I don’t bother to get up and greet Minho, this exact scene has happened too many times for either of us to care at this point, and it doesn’t surprise me that the moment he enters he shouts, “Honey I’m home!” like we’re in some cheesy romcom.
“Mhmm, welcome home, leech.” I enunciate the last word purposely, but I know he won’t bat an eye at the term. I continue to chew my popcorn while he wanders through my cabinets, looking for snacks. “There’s chips in the cabinet next to the fridge and sprite in there too. If you want more food order Chinese takeout.”
“I don’t have my wallet.” I can practically hear his pout from where I sat, eyes unmoving from the TV screen.
“You know where mine is, but you have to pay me back.” A few seconds pass with no response until suddenly he’s next to me and kissing my cheek.
“I loveeee you!” He says too sweetly, retreating back to the mini-kitchen to order takeout.
“Mhmm, I love you too.” I say, not loud enough for him to hear the confidence missing from my tone.
Continuing to watch the episode of in front of me, I remain in my comfortable position, only moving to lift my legs when Minho comes back to sit on the couch under my legs and the blanket.
“Oh you’re watching this one?” He asks, reaching into the bowl of popcorn I offer him.
“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to watch so I put it on since everyone seems to like it so much.”
“Mm,” he hums while also indulging himself into the scenes playing in front of him. “You’re probably team potato guy, right?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I am!” I scoff.
“I don’t know, I still think she should end up with Jae-eon.”
“Are you crazy? He literally leads her on like every playboy and is ruining her mentality by not defining their relationship.”
“Yeah, but they’re so cute together, and you can totally tell he feels something for her.” He argues.
“Just cause they’re cute together doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, the entire guy is a walking red flag, I don’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away when she’s had experience with a shit boyfriend.” I sigh.
“You, have major second lead syndrome.” He points an accusing finger at me.
“So what? It’s for good reason, the main lead is toxic as fuck and you can’t change my mind.” I upturn my nose, turning back to the TV and continuing to watch the episode.
The mentioning of the second lead sends a flurry of thoughts into my brain for a reason I can’t comprehend. Sometimes the main leads aren’t that bad but still we want the main character to end up with the second lead, maybe out of our own natural selfishness because we prefer the second lead more. I shake the thoughts away, trying to convince myself that kdramas were only works of fiction and too cheesy to be real, yet for whatever reason I always felt a connection with the second leads, like our emotions directed to our crushes were the same, because I knew that I would always be the second lead in Minho’s story.
Minho’s name was always called out more times than mine was growing up, which I didn’t really mind until our hangout time would be seriously cut down because he had to hang out with other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he had friends, but there was a little bit of selfishness in me that wanted him to myself.
A new drama and a few episodes later, plus Chinese takeout, lead to our eventual demise. We both fall asleep on the couch in less than comfortable positions and wake up with stiff-neck, us groaning at the pain.
We continue on with our usual morning routines, taking turns freshening up in the bathroom before heading out for breakfast at Paws and Pastries since we were both too lazy to make food ourselves. Besides, hot coffee in the morning plus good sandwiches AND cats? What more could you ask for?
When we enter the cat cafe I notice a familiar face behind the cashier, it was the same girl Seungmin was talking to on Friday, and the same girl I caught Minho staring at. We walk up to the cashier, I order my food first, a simple breakfast sandwich with a coffee to go with it and wait next to Minho to finish ordering.
I made the mistake up glancing up at his face as he was telling his order to her, Ahra, her name tag read. There was something in his eyes that glinted that I had never seen before, not when he talked to Han and not when he talked to me. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion in the middle of my chest before forcing myself to look back down, inserting my card and paying for everything. I sent the girl a thank you and a kind smile after she told us our food would be right over, and both me and Minho went over to our usual table in the back corner next to the cat’s jungle gym and right up next to the window. I get lost in my thoughts while we begin playing with the cats we were so accustomed to.
Like most second leads, I knew exactly what my feelings were. I was practically an adult, how could I miss the fast beating of my heart or my clammy hands whenever I was around him? But again, like most second leads, I knew I’d never get a chance with him, not when everything we did together was purely platonic. It was painfully obvious that I’d be stuck with an unrequited love for who knows how long, and I couldn’t just detach myself from him all of a sudden to get over my feelings because a) he’d notice and force me to tell him what was wrong, ultimately leading me to tell him that I had feelings for him, and b) the moment I would come back or see him for even just a second I know I would develop those feelings all over again. Neither of which were choices I was willing to take so I suck it up and see him every day, ignoring everything my heart was telling me.
I look up from the cat that I’m petting in my lap and look at Minho again, only to find him staring at Ahra who was taking people’s orders with a perfect pearly smile. It was in that moment that I knew, I had just found the female lead of Minho’s story.
3 weeks go by in a similar manner. Minho and I see Ahra around campus a few times and with some twisted fate, she’s on the clock every time we go to Paws and Pastries. Minho, being his smooth self, easily gets himself acquainted with her. They laugh and giggle so naturally and can slip into conversation so easily I’m almost envious of Minho and his non-introverted self.
Not being one to try and stop fate, I watch it all happen. Telling Minho to ask her out already and teasing him about how lovesick he gets when he sees her nearby or at the cafe. I know Minho likes her when he blushes or gets defensive whenever I mention her in our conversations even though he’s never explicitly told me himself. I put on a face in front of him whenever these conversations come up, not wanting to get in the way of his happiness.
One day some of our friends want to meet up outside of campus, we make plans to meet up at a bowling alley, ready to have fun until the late evening hours. Seungmin brought Ahra along with him, asking if it was okay to invite her since they were friends. Everyone agrees and we all meet up as planned. When everyone gets there, including Seungmin and Ahra, we introduce ourselves, Minho not having to introduce himself and easily speaking with her like they always did whenever running into each other. All the the boys have raised brows and mischievous smiles as they watch the interaction between the two, but only one looks at me in concern.
A majority of the night passes by with laughter and teasing, how Chan was terrible at bowling this night and Minho easily beating him despite never doing too well on our previous adventures to the bowling alley. I spend the night with the rest of the boys, while Minho and Ahra spend time getting to know each other even more. There’s a point in the evening where I see Minho hold out his phone to Ahra to exchange numbers, I can hear her giggle when they take a selfie together, probably for her profile picture. I have to turn my head away quickly to ignore the cracking of my own heart when Minho puts his arm on the couch behind Ahra, he does it so naturally, yet he’s never done it with me. I will my thoughts to focus on the game and not on Minho, not noticing the same pair of concerned eyes until they speak up.
“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asks.
“Hm? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” My voice cracks halfway through and I try to hide my sad eyes, even though I was fully aware that Hyunjin had probably noticed that something was up.
“‘Cause you seem pretty affected by that scene over there.” He motions to Minho and Ahra with a nod of his head.
“It’s nothing, Hyun, just nice seeing Minho talking to more people.”
“Y/n, you know he talks to people all the time, and you’re not nearly as affected then as you are now.”
“Hyunjin, really, it’s fine.” I try to convince him but he says something that lets me know that he knows.
“You like Minho.”
“What? No that’s absurd I-“ He looks at me pointedly, and I sigh in defeat. “Yeah, okay, you got me.”
“Why don’t you say anything? Clearly it hurts you to see him like that.” He refers to Minho getting cozy with her.
“Hyunjin, it’s clear that everything we have is platonic, he even called me his sister several times. And who am I to get in the way of him getting into a relationship? That’s not my place to say anything, especially when his last girlfriend was 2 years ago.”
“I get that, but shouldn’t he at least deserve to know? He says that he knows everything about you, but there’s one thing that he doesn't. You know practically everything about him, isn’t it a little unfair?”
“We have choices as to what we share with each other and what we don’t, it’s his choice to tell me what he wants to and my choice to tell him what I want to tell him. Besides, he hasn’t even told me that he has a crush on Ahra yet.”
“So maybe he doesn’t then.”
“Hyunjin, just look at him, he’s a puppy in love.” I glance back over to Minho and Ahra sitting parallel to us. Minho is smiling brightly, more brightly than I had seen in a while and I can’t help but let my lips upturn at the corners just slightly in another sad smile.
Hyunjin sighs next to me, and I look back to him. “I’m sorry y/n, I really wish he would end up with you instead of her, it doesn’t seem fair to you.”
“Hey, don’t say that, Ahra seems like a nice girl, she and Minho will get along great. And nothing in life is fair Hyunjin, that’s just something you come to accept.” I say, getting up. “I’m gonna get some drinks, does anyone want anything?” I ask everyone.
“Cola!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “A lemonade please.” A few of the boys shout back.
“Anything for you guys?” I turn to Minho and Ahra. They both shake their heads. “Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute guys.” I smile at the group before going to get the drinks.
While walking away from the group I let a teardrop fall from my eye, wiping it away just before I order.
Life’s unfair, that’s just something I have to accept.
A week goes by and Minho’s talking about how he and Ahra message often, how he thinks they get along well and he’s gonna ask her out.
Another week goes by and they’ve gone on their first date, he takes her to the beach and they have a picnic.
Two weeks after that they’ve gone on several dates and are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t even find out separately at this point, I find out with the rest of the group over dinner.
A few days after that Minho calls off one of our late night binge watching sessions, texting me an apology and that Ahra needs him. I tell him it’s okay and to send my regards to her.
It’s a week and half after and Minho regularly calls off our meetups at the cafe after school or at one another’s dorms to tend to Ahra. I tell him it’s fine each time and to not feel bad. He did the same today, and I sit alone at our usual table, mindlessly petting a cat in my lap while zoning out into in my mug of coffee.
All while this happens, I watch, and I let it happen. I don’t fight for him because it didn’t feel right, sometimes second leads let their love fall for someone else, and that’s all it felt like I could do.
Fighting for Minho felt selfish, especially when I knew I had no chance and he’d already fallen for Ahra. I couldn’t suddenly come out of the blue and tell him “hey, I have feelings for you,” when he’s already dating Ahra, I’d look like a major asshole if I did. All I could do was watch and see how we begun to drift farther and farther apart.
With Minho being absent more often, I don’t get to tell him much. Like the internship offer I got to continue pursuing graphic design in Itaewon. I got the email almost a week ago, and I had two more weeks to decide if I was going to take the offer. With nobody to consult about it with I continue to push it to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with more stress just yet.
Just as I’m taking another sip of my coffee a familiar head of long blonde hair enters the cafe. My head tilts to the side in confusion as he scans the room for someone when he meets eyes with me, he makes his way over and sits in the seat in front of me and doesn’t say anything.
“You’re rarely on this side of town, why are you here?” I ask Hyunjin first.
“I heard something from Ms. Kim in our art class and needed to know if it was true.” He says seriously.
“What…” I feel like I know what he’s going to say, but I ask anyways. “What did you hear?”
“That you were offered an internship in Itaewon.”
“Is it really true? She said you had two more weeks to decide, how come you haven’t told anybody? Does Minho know? Are you gonna leave? What about-” He begins to spurt out question after question and it’s almost too much for me to handle.
“Hyunjin!” I raise my voice just slightly to get him to stop but I have to turn it down again when the volume of my voice makes a few of the other customers’ heads turn. “Calm down, yes it’s true, yes I have two more weeks to decide if I’m going or not, I didn’t know how I would tell any of you, no, Minho doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him.”
“Are you… Are you gonna take the offer?” He asks slowly.
I prop my elbows onto the table as the cat leaves my lap and my head drops into my hands as I sigh in exasperation. “I don’t know.” Tears are gathering in my eyes as I think about it.
“Y/n, have you thought about the offer at all?”
“Yes and no.” I don’t need to lift my head to sense Hyunjin’s confusion. “It’s hard to think about it when you’re watching your crush of 2 years date someone else while you’re also trying to finish up your senior year. But it’s also all I can think about when I’m alone, which I find myself a lot, thinking about having to find a place to live in Itaewon and transfer and mentally prepare to leave you all here, but if I don’t take it then it’ll be even harder to find an offer like this. It’s all I can think about and also something that I can’t bring myself to think about, Hyunjin.” I lift my head and my teary eyes meet his own.
“Y/n…” His voice breaks saying my name.
“I think I’m going to take it.” I pause. “Once I finish all of my final assignments the only thing I have left to really worry about is graduating and finding a job, and I don’t think I can take watching Minho and Ahra anymore Hyun, I don’t think I can stomach it. I’m happy for them, I truly am, but it’s also affecting me and I don’t think I should ignore that anymore. If I’m in Itaewon I have a job and I won’t have to worry about feelings anymore, two birds with one stone.”
I see the hesitancy in Hyunjin’s facial expressions before he speaks. “If that’s what you think you should do, then I’ll support you all the way. But shouldn’t you tell Minho about this?”
“I’m not, because if I do, Minho is gonna find some way to get me to stay and I’ll crumble and stay because he affects me the most.” Hyunjin merely nods in response. “Hyunjin, you are the only one that can know about this, okay? I can’t have everyone else know this, especially Minho, okay?”
Hesitation again, and then, “Okay.”
Hyunjin keeps his promise, he keeps the secret of me leaving from everyone. Even as graduation inches closer and our group begins to talk more about job searching, what comes next, and similar topics, the two of us keep it a secret. Whenever they asked me what I was thinking of doing next I always just told them “oh probably looking for internships nearby,” and no more questions are asked.
Minho and Ahra were still very much in love, even more than before, if the growing absence of Minho’s presence was anything to go by. I barely saw Minho anymore, maybe catching him at the end of the hall every once in awhile, but he was always walking with Ahra so all I could say was “hello” and “goodbye.”
Each goodbye begun to hold more and more weight as the days passed. Even the short ones I would tell Minho after passing him in the halls. I couldn’t even conjure how I would tell everyone, maybe send a letter to each of their places? A text message? Tell them after the graduation ceremony just before I left for the train station? I thought about how I would say goodbye as I begun to pack up my dorm. Graduation was nearing, I had already turned in all of my final assignments, and all there was left was to pack. I would leave after the ceremony ended, sometime in the afternoon. I wouldn’t even get the chance to properly celebrate being graduates with my friends because I was leaving in the afternoon. I’d get situated in my new apartment in Itaewon and get accustomed to new life outside of Gimpo.
The thought of leaving panged my heart harshly, I had never left Gimpo permanently before. Sure, I had gone on trips to the US and Singapore and Seoul before, but I had never moved from Gimpo. I was born and raised in Gimpo, met Minho and all of our friends here, so the thought of moving for the first time did something to my heart. I attended all of our group hangouts with a nostalgic mindset, remembering the first time we all met, when we all got wasted one time on a Friday night after some big exam week. I look around our table of friends and think about how much I’ll miss all of this when I leave for Itaewon.
Another thing that panged my heart, Minho and I distancing. I knew it was coming, Minho and I didn’t text or talk about hanging out anymore. He walked Ahra to her classes now, and had dates with her after class instead of meeting me at our cafe. Eventually I stopped getting apology messages, and stopped expecting him at the cafe anymore. I couldn’t blame him, Ahra was his girlfriend and I accepted that long ago. Instead I just played the supportive friend on the sidelines, and I’d continue to play that role for as long as I had to.
It came to be the night before we graduated, and all of us minus Minho and Ahra were sat around a table in one of the restaurants we frequented, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and we all just sat in silence after finishing our food with bottles and glasses of soju now sitting in front of us. A majority of our meal was full of reminiscing, talking about memories that crack everyone up and left smiles on our faces.
“So, we really graduate tomorrow, huh?” Changbin says when the table quiets down.
“Yeah, I guess we do.” Chan says quietly.
My eyes tear up and I begin to sniff without control, the weight of my department tomorrow weighing heavily on my shoulders. Hyunjin puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a tissue, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay” to me while I try to calm down.
Everyone looks at me in confusion before Chan speaks first. “Y/n are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I trail off, not sure what to say.
“Do you want to tell them?” Hyunjin asks softly.
“Tell us what?” Seungmin says this time.
Hyunjin looks to me first before nodding, and I begin to spill my secret. “I got an internship offer.”
The table erupts in cheers and I get congratulations thrown back at me before I can even continue.
“But…” Immediately everyone silences and looks to me in expectation. “It’s in Itaewon.”
There’s a tense air that falls around us. “What?” Felix says in disbelief.
“You’re not leaving us, right Noona?” Jeongin asks from another part of the table.
I look to Jeongin with sad eyes, smiling sadly. “I leave tomorrow, after our graduation ceremony.” There’s some gasps around the table.
“What?! Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Changbin blows up and Chan has to place a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.
“I didn’t want every time we met leading up to graduation to feel like a goodbye, Bin, I couldn’t handle that. So I kept it from you all so there wasn’t this tension every time we met.” I explained.
“Does Minho know?” Seungmin asks this time, and I shake my head.
“Y/n…” Han says worriedly.
“Guys, I know I’m not the only one that’s noticed that me and Minho aren’t that close anymore, so I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell him. But I told Hyunjin this a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell Minho specifically, because there’s some things that I need to figure out and if I told him he’d find some way to keep me from going, or even worse, follow me. At least with Ahra by his side he won’t follow me to Itaewon.” There’s nods all around the table, understanding where I’m coming from.
“We’re gonna miss you a lot.” Felix sniffs and I coo, getting up from my seat to wrap my arms around him from behind.
“I’m gonna miss you all too.” I sniff with him, a few tears escaping my eyes.
Chan comes to join our hug, then Han, then Jeongin, and soon enough everyone has joined the group hug with me in the middle. All of us are crying, and I had never felt more loved than that moment.
Eventually we break away from the hug and return to our seats, everyone dabbing at their eyes with tissues and sniffing.
“Let’s all stop crying, tonight is a night to celebrate, all of us graduate tomorrow, and our dear Y/n got an internship offer in a big city!” Han holds up a drink and we all do the same, cheering and clinking our glasses together and celebrating the night away.
The next morning I get ready for graduation early, putting on my makeup and doing my hair, and sending a message.
to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]
hey, can you meet me at p&p in thirty?
My heart picks up the pace as I send the message, I didn’t expect him to answer so quickly yet his message pings my phone within 2 minutes.
from: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]
sure, i can be there
to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]
sweet, i’ll see you there
I turn my phone off and take a deep breath, we still had a few hours before we had to be at the school for our graduation ceremony, I’d have to leave just a few minutes after the ceremony ended which wouldn’t give me enough time to tell Minho, so, I made the painful decision the night before to tell him in the morning. I’d do it in our favorite spot in the corner of our favorite cat cafe, tell him the news slowly and hope that he takes it well.
I leave my house and 15 minutes later I’m in our usual booth, my coffee order sitting in front of me and the cats all wandering around as there weren’t too many people since it was relatively early in the morning. I already bought Minho his typical Iced Americano and it sat in front of me, awaiting it’s owner.
10 minutes later Minho arrives and makes his way to the table, sitting in front of me, smiling, unknowing of what’s about to happen.
“Hey.” I smile at him.
“Hey you.” He smiles back brightly. “Sorry I couldn’t see you guys last night, I took Ahra out for dinner last night on a date.”
“It’s completely alright, how are you guys?”
“Pretty good, things are going okay right now.” He answers.
“That’s good.” Nervously I take a sip of my macchiato in front of me, my leg bouncing in anxiety.
“Y/n? Is everything alright? Your leg’s bouncing pretty fast right now.” Curse Minho and the fact that he knows so much about me, he reaches out for my wrist and checks my pulse, quickly noticing how fast it’s beating as his brows furrow in confusion.
“Minho, there’s something I need to tell you.” I say, retracting my wrist from his grip. He doesn’t answer me but instead tilts his head like a cat does when it looks at its owner questionably. “I’m leaving.”
“What?” He asks.
How could one look so endearing, head tilted and eyes full of emotion as I break the news to him? I ask myself. “I got an internship offer for a company in Itaewon, I accepted it and I’m leaving for Itaewon, today.”
“You’re leaving today?” He says in disbelief, sounding out of breath.
I nod and continue. “After the graduation today I have to catch my bus. I didn’t have any other time to tell you so I had to tell you now.”
“You’re… You’re just telling me now? Do the others know about this?”
“I only told them last night.”
“You couldn’t have thought of telling me sooner?” He starts to get angry.
“What happened to telling me everything, huh? What happened to when we used to know everything about each other?”
“Minho, those days are long behind us, you have bigger priorities now, like putting your focus on your girlfriend, Minho. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d do something rash, and I didn’t even tell the others until last night because I knew every time we’d see each other it would be like preparing for the day I leave. You and Ahra have something so great going on for the two of you right now and telling you that I was leaving would take you away from that, and I can’t do that to you or her. Ahra is an amazing girl, and you have her now.”
“Will you at least visit?” His eyes are full of tears, some of the first I’ve seen in years and I hate that I’m the cause of it.
“I don’t know yet, there’s some things I need to figure out myself first, before I can visit. But at some point maybe I will, when I’ve figured things out I’ll try visiting from time to time.” I offer him a sad smile.
After a few moments of silence I get up from my seat.
“We still have a graduation left, Min, I’ll still see you then.” I ruffle his hair and walk out of the cafe, no more secrets but one weighing down on my chest.
The Graduation ceremony passes by in a blur. One moment we were listening to the speeches of each of the professors and the next we were tossing our caps into the air, cheering as we became alumni of our university.
Our friend group met up in the front of the school, taking pictures with our parents and congratulating each other. Eventually, the time comes and I have to go.
Our group stands in a circle, unmoving, as we all look at each other.
“I’m gonna miss all of you so much.” I say in tears as my voice breaks.
“We’re gonna miss you too, Y/n.” Hyunjin says. At his words everyone gathers into a group hug full of tears and the weight of a goodbye on our shoulders.
“You better promise to visit us, okay?” Felix holds me by the shoulders and makes a point to look me in the eye. Not trusting my voice, I nod and he brings me into one more hug.
I hug each of them individually, saying a few words, before I reach the last person.
I hug Minho and look into his eyes for the last time for a while.
“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.
“Me too.” And that’s all I can say.
I leave the campus for the last time, hopping in my car to head to the station and start anew.
Second leads always leave in the end, they leave and let the two main leads have a happy ending. That’s what it felt like I was doing, and I couldn’t tell if I was content with my choice or not.
Two and a half months in Itaewon passes quickly.
The move into my new apartment was smooth, and it was odd to be in a bigger space than a small dorm room. It felt like I had more space than I knew what to do with.
My internship was moving along smoothly as well, everyone I had met so far were really kind and taught me a lot. I was worried about feeling out of place but I had met a few other girls not much older than me who helped me feel at home.
Being alone in a big city was unnerving, but what made it so much more comfortable was the addition of a cat that my parents had bought me as my graduation gift. She was a chartreux cat who I named Luna because I had always dreamed of naming my first cat that. My parents covered most of the costs of basic things like cat toys, a scratch post, her bed, and similar things. I thanked my parents endlessly when they came over to my apartment a week after I had moved in and gave me Luna. I wasn’t gone for too long during the day and always left food for her, she was great company when I came home and worked on projects late into the evening, curling up into my lap like the cats at the old cafe used to. She was my best friend in a city I was still getting accustomed to.
I hadn’t talked to the guys much, I’d talked with them a few times in the group chat about how their job searches were going and trips they were planning to take soon. It was nice talking with them every so often but all of us were still pretty busy moving onto the next chapter of our lives.
I hadn’t talked to Minho since I left, I’d assumed that he and Ahra were doing well, but that’s all that was, assumption. None of the boys talked about him and I couldn’t understand why, but I never asked since I was supposed to be moving on from my feelings in the first place. I thought I had been doing pretty well until something would come up that reminded me of him, like his favorite song would play in the cafe I bought my morning coffee in and spent my breaks at, or snapchat would send me “Today, 1 year ago” memories of him and me fooling around at Paws and Pastries. Whenever that would happen I’d be sent back to square one, and it felt like I’d never move on from Minho.
I was on my way out to grab a coffee and spend my off day walking around, maybe looking into a few shops when I got a call from Hyunjin.
“Y/n! My favorite girl, how are you?”
“Hyunjin? What’s with the call?”
“What? Can I not call my friends from time to time?”
“Not when you’re notorious for calling your ‘friends’ after you’ve done something wrong.” I sigh.
“That was one time! Besides, it wasn’t that bad.”
“You dragged Jeongin to a party! And got him wasted!”
“One. Time. Y/n. It was one time.”
“One time is enough for you to be in trouble for life, Hyun.”
“Okay, whatever, but I was meaning to ask you, what’re your plans for today?”
“Me? I was just planning to go out, today’s my day off so I was gonna visit this one cafe and see some shops, why?”
“No reason, what time do you think you’ll be home?”
“Great, okay, I have to go now, Han’s calling me, bye!” Hyunjin hangs up before I can ask him what’s with the weird questions.
“Hyunjin- Oh great he hung up.” I put my phone in my pocket before looking down at Luna who’s stretching near my legs. “Your uncle Hyunjin is quite the odd one, isn’t he Luna, hm?” I ask her and she meows back in response. “Weird indeed, but that’s just how he is. Mommy’s gonna spend her day out and then she’ll come home and we can watch the TV together, okay? I’ll be home soon.” I pick up Luna and set her on her little bed before ensuring everything is safe and make my way out the door.
I spend the day eating at a large cat cafe that actually had an assortment of books with little reading areas while the cats roamed around everywhere. It was much bigger than the cafe in Gimpo, but I would always correlate that one with home.
After I spent a bit of time reading there I went out and explored the shops for a few hours, bought some new jeans and a few blouses plus some makeup things. I got Subway for lunch and explored just a little bit more before heading home. Instead of going straight home, I decided to take the long way, going through the streets not minding the extra weight the few shopping bags I was holding in my hands gave me. The sun was just barely beginning to set as I walked into my apartment complex, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for my floor.
I walk down the hallway to my door and am surprised when a familiar figure greets me there.
“Minho?” I say as I walk closer.
“Y/n!” He says happily, bringing me into a hug.
“What are you doing here? Actually- Wait- Don’t answer that, do you wanna come inside?” I ask him.
“Sure.” He responds.
I unlock the door and bring my bags in, setting them by the door. “Luna! Mommy’s home!” I call out automatically.
Luna meows and comes out of the bedroom, walking her way up to me before I pick her up.
“You got a cat?” Minho asks.
“Yeah, parents brought her to me about a week after I moved in.” I put Luna back down and she moves to sit on the arm of the couch, her favorite spot to sit when the sun goes down.
“And you named her Luna,” He smiles fondly. “You always wanted to name your cat Luna.”
“I’m surprised you remember that.” I chuckle. “Do you want some coffee?”
“I’ll get that brewing, just give me a few minutes, you can take a seat on the couch and make yourself at home!” I tell him as I quickly retreat to the kitchen.
I have to take a few breaths when I’m far away enough from Minho, my heart beating just as fast as it would when I was around him back then. It was clear I hadn’t moved on at all.
I brew the coffee as promised and wait next to the coffee machine with two mugs ready. A voice chimes in behind me.
“Your place is much bigger than the dorms.” He chuckles.
“Tell me about it, it was so weird buying more furniture than I was used to.” I laugh with him.
The machine finishes brewing the coffee and I pour it into the two mugs, putting it on a tray with creamer and sugar before bringing it all to the coffee table in front of the couch.
Minho and I take seats on the couch, separated by a bit of space between us while we sip on our respective mugs.
“So,” I start the conversation. “How’s home?”
“Not too bad, same old same old, the guys being annoying as usual, you know?” He says.
“Sounds fun.” I chuckle. “And work, have you found anything yet?”
“Not yet, I’ve got a few applications out, but I’m still waiting on some answers.”
“I’m sure you’ll get them soon.” I respond.
An uncomfortable silence sets over the both of us, and I run my free hand through Luna’s fur who’s situated herself in my lap this time. I take a long sip of my coffee before asking another question.
“How’s… How are you and Ahra?”
“Oh…” He trails off. “We broke up a few weeks ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that…” I had no idea that he and Ahra had broken up, in fact that was the completely opposite of what I thought had happened since they seemed to work together so well.
“Yeah, it was a mutual thing. We didn’t really feel that kind of connection anymore, you know? So we just, broke it off.”
“Are you okay?” I ask Minho.
“Me? Yeah, I’m actually not as affected as I thought I’d be, I don’t know if that makes me a cruel person or not but I was only sad for the first week or two. Nothing too bad.”
“I see.” Another silence settles between us. This one is longer, more tense, there was something Minho wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t depict what question he was going to ask.
“Actually, I came her for a reason.” He says.
“And what reason is that?” I ask hesitantly.
“For answers.” My brows furrow, answers for what? “There’s something Hyunjin told me recently and it got me thinking, and I wanted to hear it from you if it was true.”
I finish my coffee and place it down delicately on the coffee table, trying not to show how nervous I was with how badly my hands were shaking. “I’ll see if I have answers for you then.”
“When you told me you were leaving, you said you had some, things, to figure out on your own. What was it that you had to figure out?”
I take a moment to decide exactly how I was going to answer his question. Did I want to expose my feelings to him just yet? “Just, feelings.” I say vaguely.
“Just feelings for somebody.”
“Is it Hyunjin?”
I pause for just a half second, and apparently that was all Minho needed. “I guess Hyunjin’s big mouth was right after all.”
“Wait- What? What are you talking about?”
Minho takes a long sip of his coffee before finishing letting out a sigh after swallowing, he slowly sets the mug on the table before making direct eye contact with me and silently killing me with the suspense. “Minho please just say something you’re killing me here.”
He only chuckles in response. “Hyunjin told me not too long ago that you took up the offer to work here because you were going to sort out your feelings, for me.” He says sweetly as I suck in a breath at his last words.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minho-“
“Now now, Y/n, we shouldn’t hide things from each other anymore, should we?” His sweet, sultry voice was affecting me greatly as he leaned closer to me on the couch. I gulp and silently curse when Luna, the only thing keeping me sane, leaves the comfort of my lap for her scratch-post.
“Minho…” I let out quietly.
“Tell me, Kitten, is it true?” He asks once again.
“I-“ My voice catches in my throat when Minho leans in ever nearer, still making direct eye-contact with me. “Yes, it is.” I sigh out and Minho backs away.
“He was right.” Minho whispers while my gaze drops to my hands that I fiddle with in my lap at the secret that’s let out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
“Why are you sorry darling?” He asks softly and uses his thumb and forefinger to tilt my head up by my chin.
“I couldn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t feel the same, and then when you got together with Ahra we drifted apart because it hurt me to see you with her. Then I left and told you about me leaving so last minute. I made you cry, Minho, and I hate that I did. But I couldn’t see any other way out of it. I hurt you because I was cowardly and didn’t want to be selfish by telling you and having your attention move off of Ahra, when I was really being selfish by not telling you and hurting you in the end.” More tears escape my eyes as we look at each other.
“Princess, no…” He cups my face with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “I’ll admit, it did hurt when you told me that you were leaving the day of, but I understood where you were coming from. Because you were right, I would have done something crazy to keep you by my side. Do you know why?” He asks, and I shake my head, still crying. “Because I need you by my side, kitten, even when I was dating Ahra I felt off but just didn’t pay any mind to it because I had her. But now I know it’s because you and I were drifting apart, I found out when after you left and me and Ahra broke up because I felt empty. I couldn’t text you to just come over anymore because you’re farther away from me now. I lied earlier, I said that I sent out some applications for jobs but didn’t get any answers yet, right?” I nod. “I got offered a job as a software engineer, here, in Itaewon, and I said yes.”
“Why?” I whisper.
“Because I want to be near you, I need to be by your side Y/n, because I love you.” I let out a sob at his confession and he coos, bringing me to rest my head on his chest and rubbing his hands on my back and running them through my hair.
“I love you too.” I say after a few minutes.
Minho brings me out of his hold, and cups my face again. For the first time, he kisses me. His lips brush over mine before deepening the kiss, taking full charge of it yet somehow still being soft with me. His kisses were nothing short of addicting, and I knew I’d be in love with him for a long time.
In that moment, kissing the man of my dreams, I remember that it may be rare that a second lead gets their own happy ending, but it’s not unheard of. Sometimes the main lead and second lead do end up with their own happily ever after.
Notes from the author: I have FINALLY posted something y’all 😂 took a few months but she’s here, and she’s dishing out something at least. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting again, esp with school and whatnot, but I do know I need to drain out my drafts because phew, it’s getting a little full in there.
But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic! I’m pretty sure it’s one of the longest I’ve written if not the longest. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, I’m probably a little rusty but we can fix that (i think)
if you want more I still have my old stuff up on my masterlist on my account! hope to see you around :))