#and honestly I think the latter kind hurts more

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

[futureman]

the way we fight

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: you and joel love taking your frustrations out on each other—in more ways than one

warnings: 18+ MDNI, language, drug use, canon-typical violence, slight spoilers for minor tlou 2 cutscene, jackson era, enemies to lovers, undefined age gap, sloooow buildup, smut, grinding, rough oral (male & female receiving)

word count: 6.7k

a/n: no idea how this got so long, but here we are! generally my fics are based on song lyrics, so this one goes out to my girl ari and social house. this honestly took a while to wrap my brain around and idk how the end got so filthy but alas, i really hope y'all enjoy! as always, thoughts and feedback are always appreciated 💕

It’s always an argument with him. He’s just so stubborn. Actually, Joel Miller might be the most stubborn man you’ve ever met. There’s never any room for disagreement or discussion with him—it’s his way or the highway. Half the time, you don’t even know what you’re fighting about, hurling callous, empty words at each other as if they don’t hurt. Immensely.

Maybe you really do genuinely hate each other. Or maybe it’s just for the fun of it.

It’s been like this for as long as you’ve known him, which, in hindsight, hasn’t even been that long. Probably a year? Year and a half? In all that time, you’ve never managed to crack his tough exterior and, as far as you know, no one else has, either.

The only things anyone knows for sure are that he’s Tommy Miller’s older brother and he’s got a daughter named Ellie. He hasn’t made a lot of friends here and it’s not hard to see why. He’s mean in a surly old man kind of way and rarely has anything nice to say to anyone—if he says anything at all.

Yet, somehow you still find yourself spending the majority of your time with him. It’s not something you do by choice. It’s a forced proximity thing.

You can’t tell if Tommy schedules you for patrols together because you’re the only one who hasn’t kicked up a stink about it or if he just thinks it’s funny to watch you both squirm. Most of the town thinks it’s hilarious, so you can only guess it’s the latter.

During your first few outings together, Joel wouldn’t talk to you unless it was absolutely necessary, and, even then, all you’d get was a grunt or some grumbled instructions. The silence got old pretty quickly. It wasn’t until you made your first mistake out in the field that he finally started communicating. Maybe a little louder than you’d hoped.

Now, Joel will pick a fight anywhere, usually over the dumbest shit. But his bark is worse than his bite—most of the time, at least.

On his worst days, his anger is explosive and it seems like he takes it out exclusively on you. It’s honestly a little ridiculous that you haven’t just asked Tommy to take you off his patrols already, but there’s a part of you that’ll never admit you actually kind of like your dynamic.

Not a lot happens in Jackson—it’s well-protected and even the community drama gets a little stale. Joel might be a dick, but he keeps things interesting, keeps you on your toes.

And it’s hard to ignore the fire in his eyes that makes you think he likes it just as much as you do.

It’s fucking freezing out and you haven’t even left for patrol yet before Joel’s muttering something condescending under his breath. Surprise, surprise—he’s in a bad mood and about to make it your problem. You throw him an unimpressed look over your shoulder, the best you can muster this early in the morning, and continue to saddle your horse.

“You wanna say that a little louder, Miller?”

He looks tired and annoyed and, god, you haven’t been awake nearly long enough for this shit. Today’s going to be trying enough as it is. You were assigned one of the longer routes and the clouds are already dark with the promise of rain or worse.

There are a few other patrol groups nearby gearing up to leave and their preparations suddenly slow, eyes darting between the two of you as if they can sense the impending argument. You barely notice their loitering, the small crowd inching forward to not-so-subtly eavesdrop.

“No, really, I’d love to hear to hear what you have to say,” you taunt him, hands settling on your hips. “Y’know, it’s really not like you to keep things to yourself. You sure you’re feeling alright today, old man?”

“Feelin’ just fine, sweetheart,” he grits through his teeth, rolling his eyes. “Just hurry your ass up so we can get this over and done with. I’m not tryin’ to spend any more time with ya than I have to.”

You quirk an eyebrow. Sweetheart? That’s a new one. It sounded sarcastic as hell and a little patronizing but, still, that’s not something Joel’s ever called you before. Useless and annoying, sure, but never sweetheart.

Your stomach swoops, but you force yourself to ignore it; that’s not even remotely something you want to analyze today.

“Uh, yeah…whatever,” you eye him strangely, and he abruptly looks away, shifting his focus back to checking his saddlebags. It’s like he’s purposefully avoiding your gaze, and it’s weird. He’s acting so fucking weird today.

Sparing him one last glance, you throw a leg over your horse and start toward the gate at a slow trot. You don’t bother waiting for him to catch up.

“What’s our first checkpoint?” you call over your shoulder, but he’s somehow already right behind you, his horse falling in line with yours.

“You should already know that,” Joel sighs, brow furrowed in what you can only assume is irritation. Oh, here it comes—the inevitable lecture. He does this every single time you're on patrol, whether you’ve done something wrong or not. You must’ve really pissed him off if you’re hearing it this early.

Except—he’s not berating you. Instead, he pulls a map out of his backpack. “Alright, look,” he says, leaning in closer so you can see. “This is us right here, and—,” his index finger traces a route from Jackson, winding along a road that passes through a small neighborhood, and lands on your first stop, located a few side streets off a main road, “—we should end up here in about an hour if the weather holds up.”

Nodding, you look up at him. You hadn't realized how close his face had gotten to yours, and your lips part around an involuntary gasp. His eyes drop to your mouth for a second too long before he pulls away, folding up his map and tucking it back into his pack.

You try to convince yourself that you imagined it, that Joel Miller would never intentionally look at your lips like he wants to kiss you, but you can still feel his warm breath on your skin and it’s affecting you more than you want to admit.

This is…not at all like your normal dynamic and it’s throwing you off. Joel hasn’t raised his voice once today and, at most, he’s only made a few snide remarks that weren’t nearly as bad as they usually are.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” you breathe out, creating a tiny puff of condensation in the air. “It doesn’t even feel like it's cold enough to snow, anyway. The worst we’ll probably get is some rain and we’ve ridden in way worse than that.”

All you get in response is a low grunt, and then he’s lifting the reins, leading his horse in the direction of your first checkpoint. You sigh. Guess you’re back to square one. You never thought you’d miss your spats, and can’t help but wonder what the hell happened to make him change his behavior so radically.

“Seriously, though, are you okay? You’re, like, really quiet today,” you prod, and his whole body tenses. He turns to you, expression angry, and it sends a shiver down your spine. There he is.

“Didn’t I already fuckin’ tell you I’m fine? What, you suddenly lose the ability to hear or somethin’?” He shakes his head in annoyance, and you’re glad he’s not looking at you anymore because you can’t suppress the grin that spreads across your face.

“This girl, I swear,” you hear him mutter as he trots away.

You don’t say anything to each other for the rest of the ride to the checkpoint. The crumbling attorney's office is basically the same as you remember from the last time you were here. It’s old, obviously, and musty, but it’s stocked with random provisions, like food and ammo, so patrol crews can replenish their supplies before heading out to their next destination.

There’s also a killer view of Jackson from one of the windows, and you get distracted looking out at the lights and mountains in the distance. It’s starting to flurry, so you drop your backpack on the floor and stick both hands out to catch some of the snowflakes in your palms. So much for rain.

“You dilly dallyin’ again? Just sign the logbook already so we can move the fuck on,” Joel’s voice startles you out of your reverie. Huffing, you turn away from the window, looking for the pen that’s supposed to be next to the notebook, but it’s nowhere to be found.

“You know what, asshole, you could’ve just as easily signed the damn thing yourself. You were there too, or are you getting forgetful in your old age?” you shoot back as you hunch down, getting on your hands and knees to search under the desk. You hear him scoff behind you.

You spot the pen towards the back, because of course it rolled that far, and bend down so you can reach out a little farther. Your fingers brush one end and then you’ve got it, sitting back up with your prize in hand. Looking over your shoulder, you just barely catch Joel’s eyes darting away from where you were a moment ago, basically puppy-posing on the floor. That’s…suspicious.

“The fuck? Were you just staring at my ass?” you ask incredulously. There’s no goddamn way. He snorts, arms crossed with an uncharacteristic smirk on his face, and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“You wish, sweetheart,” he says condescendingly, and there it is again. That fucking word. So, he’s calling you pet names and staring at your ass now? There’s something seriously off about him today and you want to know what his deal is.

“You wanna tell me why you keep calling me that? You’ve been acting weird as fuck all day and it’s giving me whiplash,” you glower at him, taking a seat at the edge of the desk and forgetting all about the logbook. He shrugs.

“Dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” he says simply, and you squint at him.

“Seriously, Joel? You've called me sweetheart twice today and now you’re checking me out,” you hop off the desk and walk over to where he’s leaning against the wall. “If I didn’t know any better…,” you glance down at his lips, moving closer, “I’d say you were flirting with me."

Well, that made him angry. "Fuck you,” he growls in your face, and his lips are soft where they accidentally graze your cupid's bow. He’s trembling now, fists clenched at his sides, and you think he’s about to push you away when he grabs you by the hips and shoves you against the wall. Your head lolls back and you laugh cruelly.

“Yeah, Joel,” you roll your hips into his and he grits his teeth, tightening his grip. “I think that’s exactly what you wanna do.”

But before you can go any further, there’s a crash just outside the door accompanied by a familiar sound that turns your blood to ice.

It’s unmistakable. The clicking, guttural and stuttered, is followed by a high-pitched shriek that echoes throughout the small space, and you both freeze. You look up at Joel, terrified, and he raises a finger to his lips, eyes telling you to be quiet or else.

There’s no way either of you can unholster your guns—and reload, in your case—without alerting it to your position. Joel reaches for the hunting knife strapped to his thigh, and you move to do the same, only to realize it isn't there.

Fuck, it has to be somewhere. Probably in one of the dozen random holsters you have attached to you right now.

Frantic, you pat at your sides and legs—anywhere it could be—as your panicked intakes of breath gradually increase in volume. A hand slaps over your mouth, and suddenly Joel is crushing your body against the wall, halting your movements.

"Quit," he whispers harshly, lips brushing the shell of your ear, and you nod quickly.

The creature abruptly changes course, jerking toward the open window, and that’s when you notice something familiar by its feet. It's—fuck, it's your backpack. And your knife is gleaming from where it sits, nestled in one of the side pockets.

Stupid, that was so stupid. If, by some miracle, this thing doesn't kill you, there’s no doubt Joel will once he realizes your mistake. His hand drops from your mouth and he glances back over his shoulder at the clicker, gripping his knife a little tighter.

He looks resolute, and it dawns on you that he’s about to make a move. It takes everything you’ve got not to grab onto his coat and pull him back to you as he slowly shifts away, but then something else stops him in his tracks.

Another screech rings out from the other side of the room, and now you know you’re fucked. There’s only one option left now. Either you run, or you get torn apart. He reaches down to take your hand in his, warring emotions of anger and fear in his eyes as he looks into yours, and squeezes; it’s now or never.

The path to the doorway you came through is somehow miraculously clear, and Joel takes off at a sprint, dragging you with him but, to his horror, you decide to do yet another stupid thing.

For reasons you can’t explain, you find yourself ripping your hand out of his, swerving to snatch your backpack from where it lies just a few feet from the clicker.

Joel is yelling, or at least you think he is, and you vaguely feel his blunt nails scratch the back of your hand as he reaches out to stop you, but he can’t. You’re moving on autopilot, can barely register your body moving at all, until your fingertips skim the strap of your pack and the clicker is shrieking in your face.

You don’t think you’ve ever been this close to one before, even dead, and it’s worse than you could’ve ever imagined. The world freezes for a moment and you freeze with it, unable to move or look away from the fungus erupting from its skull, teeth gnashing inches away from your throat.

And then you feel warmth—warm, strong arms wrap around your waist and tug harder and harder until you’re back out in the cold. Joel spots his horse a short distance away, likely spooked by the commotion, but you can’t see much farther than that. What was a gentle flurry less than a half hour ago has become a violent blizzard, and you’re both getting pelted by ice that burns as it scrapes across your skin.

There’s one horse—just Joel’s horse—but there’s no time to think about the fate of your own before his hands are on your hips, lifting you up and into the saddle, and he’s climbing on in front of you.

He urges his horse forward and you’re off without so much as a glance behind you, galloping away from danger and down a street that you realize you actually recognize.

“Joel,” you squeeze his waist and he ignores you. He’s shaking and it’s definitely not just from the cold. You can feel the anger radiating off of him in waves and it’s warranted. You fucked up big time. “Joel, turn right,” you say a little louder, and he’s still not listening. “Turn right! There’s a library up ahead, you have to turn now!”

He growls, and you think he’s purposely going to miss the turn until he’s yanking the reins to the right, nearly throwing you both off the horse.

“You better know what the fuck you’re doin’,” he all but shouts back, and you wrap your arms around his waist a little tighter.

“It’s safe!” you yell, struggling to speak loud enough for him to hear you over the wind. “Ellie’s been there before, loads of times, and she says it’s safe. “

And that’s all it takes to convince him.

The library’s completely boarded up and, with the wind howling against your backs, it takes more than a few hard tugs to yank enough of them off to get inside the lobby with Joel’s horse.

He hands you the reins before moving into the next room, crouching along the rows of aging books and knocked-over bookcases, and you peek in, watching him anxiously. Cracked bricks litter the ground, and he steps over a few as he crouches into place behind a broken book cart.

He picks one up and then shoots you a look, eyebrows lifting pointedly, and you realize he wants you to get back into the lobby, out of sight. You duck behind the wall, placing a soothing hand on his horse right as you hear the sound of the brick shattering against the ground, and wait. A few agonizing seconds pass before you hear him throw one more a little farther out, just to be sure.

When nothing startles or jumps out, Joel whistles and you know that’s your cue to come out from your hiding spot. Normally, that would piss you off immensely, him whistling for you like you’re a fucking animal, but you can’t find it in yourself to care right now.

You’re exhausted now that the adrenaline’s wearing off, and the only thing you want to do is curl up into one of the torn-up chairs in the corner and pass out until morning. But that’s not what Joel has in mind.

“Y’think you’re off the hook for the shit you pulled earlier?”

You sigh, head tipping back and thumping against the bookcase behind you. “Do we have to do this right now? Joel, I’m tired and hungry, and fucking cold, and I really don’t have the energy.”

“Seriously? Sure looked like ya had the energy when you were runnin’ straight into that clicker’s mouth,” he scowls, reaching down to grab something next to the book cart and throwing it at your feet. “Thought ya might want this back since you apparently decided it was worth more than your life.”

You inhale sharply through your nose, eyebrows pinching together. Joel…he—

It's your backpack.

You were so sure it got left behind when he saved you from that clicker and yet, there it is. You lean over to pick it up, but Joel kicks it out of reach before you get the chance. He looks livid and now, you realize, you’re about to get that lecture you dodged earlier tenfold.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Me? I'm not the one having an identity crisis! You’ve been nothing but distracting all damn day,” you scoff bitterly. “None of this would've happened if you hadn't had a complete personality makeover overnight.”

You can’t believe he…is he serious? There’s no way you’re taking the fall for this, not all of it. Yeah, you fucked up with the backpack, but Joel isn't entirely blameless, either. If you hadn’t been fighting again, you would’ve just signed the stupid logbook and moved on like you were supposed to.

"Yeah, alright, sweetheart. It's my fault you almost got us both killed. Maybe you’re forgettin’ I saved your goddamn life back there, somethin' I wouldn't have had to do if you hadn't gone and done something so fuckin’ stupid."

Sweetheart.

"Stop calling me that! I…fuck, Joel, I just don't get you. I get it—I know I fucked up, but…,” your voice cracks and you can feel your lower lip wobbling, but you can’t let yourself cry. That would only prove to Joel what he already knows—you’re weak. “I’m sorry, okay? What more do you want from me?”

He chuckles mirthlessly. “You really wanna know what I want from ya?” He crowds your space, leaning in slightly. His head tilts like he's going to kiss you, and your breath hitches. “I want ya to get your shit together and stop makin’ unnecessary mistakes,” he says cruelly instead.

Your jaw drops.

"No, you know what? Fuck this,” you seethe. “When we get back to Jackson, I’m telling Tommy to never put me on your patrols again. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Think I give a shit about that? Go ahead, you’d be doin’ me a favor!” he yells at your back as you storm away, and you flip him off over your shoulder. Behind you, he sighs heavily, sounding as worn out and frustrated as you feel.

What a load of bullshit. You don't deserve to be treated like this. There's a stark difference between the inconsequential arguments you normally have and whatever the hell that was.

And the worst part? It hurts so much more than you expected it to. Leave it to you to get attached to the asshole whose personal mission it is to make you miserable. This whole thing was fun while it lasted, but you meant what you said. You and Joel, it’s over.

You exhale wetly, tears still threatening to fall as you leave him behind in what the yellowing signs tell you is the romance section. Well, isn’t that ironic.

You quickly realize navigating the library in the dark is more difficult than you anticipated, even with your flashlight. Not even ten steps away from where you started, you trip over something protruding from the ground and almost land flat on your face.

Joel comes running over as you let out a frustrated noise and push yourself up onto your knees. His knife is at the ready like he was expecting danger but, no, it’s just you humiliating yourself even further. He lets out a relieved sigh, holstering his knife, but then just stands there glaring down at you.

“I’m fine, by the way,” you wave a hand from the ground. He shakes his head, reaching down to help you up, and his hand feels so nice in yours—big, strong, and calloused.

You curse yourself for still thinking about him like that, like anything at all, but you can't help it. And when his hand drops yours, it feels distinctly cold and empty.

Shaking it off, you aim your flashlight at the offending spot on the floor. “What is that, anyway?” you ask Joel as he crouches down to brush away some of the dirt and debris.

“A handle,” he mumbles, pulling out his knife again and digging it into a crack in the floor, tracing around what looks like…a door?

“Is that a trapdoor?” You lean over his shoulder to get a better look. He looks back at you and nods, looking a little less angry and a lot more concerned. “Well, should we check it out?”

Instead of answering you, he wrenches the door open and shines his flashlight into the opening. There’s a ladder leading down and you can hear something rumbling below that sounds like a generator.

“Stay here,” he eyes you sternly as he begins his descent down the ladder.

“Uh, yeah, that’s not happening,” you scoff, following him. The ladder’s longer than you expected, and once your feet touch the ground, you reach out to run your hands along the wall, searching for a light switch.

A few moments later, your fingers come across something vaguely switch-like and you flip it, a warm glow filling the room, emanating from about a dozen heat lamps hanging from the ceiling. Your eyes adjust and—

“No fucking way.”

Joel is silent beside you, and you glance over, his expression just as stunned as yours is. You step closer. “Is that…?”

“Weed,” he breathes out.

You didn’t mean to get this high. Really, you didn’t. But you're in a fucking grow room hidden beneath a library in some tiny, backwater town, and you almost just died. So really, what reason was there not to?

The blizzard’s still going strong outside and, at the very least, it’s nice and warm down here. There's also the added bonus of something fun to do while you wait it out.

…Yeahhh, so you might’ve found a mason jar full of already rolled joints between some couch cushions, literally just sitting there for the taking. What were you supposed to do? Not smoke them?

But what surprises you even more than the pot itself is that Joel is smoking it, too.

It’s cute how he coughs after every drag, eyes watering as you pass a joint back and forth. The air is thick with smoke and a strange tension that neither of you can really describe, but you’re not fighting anymore. Not yet, at least.

The couch you're sitting on is cozy and less tattered than the chairs upstairs, so you settle there for the night, sitting closer than you ever willingly have before. Enough time has passed that you’re beginning to realize neither of you plans on moving, either. That you’re actually enjoying each other’s company.

The warmth of him seeps pleasantly through your clothes, and he feels so solid and real against you. Unconsciously, you melt into his side, your fuzzy brain chemicals urging you to feel more, more of him, and he tenses only for a moment before lifting an arm to rest behind you on the back of the couch.

It's strange how readily he's accepting your touch now. With each drag, you feel a little braver and press more of your body into his, draping your legs across his lap and nesting your head in the crook of his neck. He goes boneless when you mouth damply at the skin just below his jaw, his throat rumbling under your lips as he lets out a ragged breath.

You’ve both loosened up so much since earlier. It’s an easy, comfortable sort of peace you’ve found down here, even after the horrors you experienced earlier in the day. Part of you wishes it could always be like this with Joel but, then again, that just wouldn’t be you and Joel.

Your relationship thrives on the way you fight, almost like you can’t exist together without the promise of battle. So, when the high wears off and the world feels less lazy and more dire, you’ll both remember with sharp clarity that you hate each other. The memories will fade away and the war will continue. That’s just how it is.

It’s a little sad when you think about it, but for at least a little while longer, you’ll still have this version of you and Joel. You’ll enjoy the way he feels pressed up against your body; the way he feels pliant and suggestible under your lips.

And you’ll ask the question that’s been eating away at you all day because right now, you’re positive your lips can convince him to do anything.

“Tell me why you keep calling me sweetheart,” you murmur against his skin. He freezes, clearly not expecting you to bring it up again. You lift the blunt to his lips and encourage him to inhale to calm his nerves. The smoke plumes from his nose like a dragon as he exhales, and you're enraptured by the way it swirls through the air before dissipating. He braces a hand on your thigh before responding.

"Well, I…uh—," he mumbles, his cheeks turning a deep shade of burgundy, and you can’t resist reaching out to stroke the heated skin with your fingertips. He breathes shakily as he continues, "I—had a dream about ya last night, and…you, uh—you were…"

He cuts himself off, and your mind goes fuzzy for a moment as you let that little bit of information sink in. So, Joel was dreaming about you last night…and now, he’s treating you so much differently. Calling you pet names, eyeing you up, touching you. It all makes sense—but now you need him to tell you everything.

"What was I doing in your dream, Joel?"

He meets your gaze, looking flustered and a little ashamed, and it's a far cry from the man who was yelling at you not even an hour or two ago.

"You, uh," he clears his throat, still hesitating. You bite your bottom lip in anticipation, sucking it wetly into your mouth, and his eyes darken. He lifts a thumb to your mouth, tugging your lip down just slightly, and you can see the moment his apprehension disappears. "You were on your knees for me," he murmurs. "Doin' such a good job, too, workin' that pretty mouth of yours."

You inhale sharply and his thumb drops, but his eyes never leave your lips. Gingerly, you pluck the joint still burning between his fingers and take one last deep drag before flicking the rest to the side and crashing your lips onto his.

God, they feel exactly like you thought they would, soft and a little chapped from the cold, but so fucking eager against yours. You hold his face in your hands, rubbing your thumbs along the roughness of his beard, and he groans as you exhale into his mouth, tasting the smoke on your tongue.

Sighing, you lean back slowly, heavy-lidded eyes roving over his face to take in his kiss-swollen lips and that beautiful burgundy flush. He's so pretty, and you can’t help but run your fingers through his thick, graying hair as he pants heavily below you.

You need to feel more of him, all of him, so you climb into his lap, straddling his hips and grinding down against where he's already straining in his pants. He grips you tighter in response, working you steadily across his hardening cock.

"Keep going,” you moan breathily. You're already so wet, and heat blooms in your belly every time your clit grazes the seam of his jeans. It's a foggy, hazy pleasure, what you feel when he speaks, and you're addicted to it. “Keep telling me about your dream—a-about my mouth…I wanna hear more.“

You feel rather than hear him growl low in his throat as he ducks his head down to your neck, sucking and biting bruises into your skin.

“Your mouth…so fuckin’ wet—s-soft and tight around my cock,” he sucks hard under your jaw, and you gasp. “Takin’ me all the way down, like I always knew you could.”

Your breath hitches, eyes rolling back. The thought of him dreaming about his cock down your throat makes your cunt pulse, and now you're positive you're soaking through his pants.

You bet he thinks about it when you're on patrol together, too—that when you're fighting like you've both got something to prove, he's thinking about shutting you up with his cock. Fucking your mouth to show you that what he says goes.

"M-more, Joel…ngh, fuck, I need more," you reach down to shove his shirt up so you can feel him, his stomach flexing and unflexing under your palms. He starts to buck into your clothed pussy faster, like he's fucking you through the fabric, and you whine pathetically as he tugs hard on your hair, yanking your head to the side.

"S’alright, n-needy girl, 'm gonna tell you exactly how I was fuckin' that sweet mouth of yours last night…h-how you were—," he groans raggedly in your ear, voice cracking, and you swear you can feel his heartbeat racing between your legs. "…c-chokin' and gaggin' around my cock while I was cummin' down your throat…"

He keeps giving you what you asked for, tells you all the filthy shit he wants to do to your mouth, and his hips start to stutter like he's bringing himself closer to orgasm with his own words. It would make a lot of sense—Joel's always loved the sound of his own voice, especially when it's directed at you.

But you can’t hear much of anything anymore aside from the sound of your own stuttered moaning, suddenly so, so close to hurtling over the edge with him. You’re sliding so easily over his cock now and you brace your hands on his shoulders as your thighs start to quake around his waist. He digs his fingers into the plush curve of your ass, pulling you down harder, but you squeeze his shoulders roughly to get his attention.

“Y-you—Joel, you can’t cum,” you whine into his neck, and he all but snarls in response. “No…no, no, no. Want you t-to fuck my mouth—you have to cum in my mouth—”

He abruptly yanks you off his lap, shoving you back onto the couch and wrenching your jeans and underwear down in two hard tugs.

You barely have time to let out a squeal before he buries his face in your cunt, honing in on your clit and sucking wetly. He flattens his tongue, circling once, twice, three times, and then you’re cumming with a loud exhale, gushing as you grind into his face.

Your pussy’s still pulsing, locking down around nothing, as you tug him off of you by his hair.

“Joel—jeans..o-off…now.” You help him push them down just enough to free his cock, and then your mouth is on him, sucking him down to the hilt.

His hips buck off the couch of their own accord and he groans pathetically as you gag around him. He’s petting your head and saying something raggedly above you, likely apologizing for hurting you, but it’s drowned out by the blood rushing in your ears.

Instead of pulling off to reassure him that you very much want him to keep gagging you, you guide his hands to bury themselves in your hair and squeeze his thigh, praying he gets the hint. His fingers tense against your scalp as he holds you in place and, yeah, he absolutely gets it.

Your head feels like it’s disconnecting from the rest of your body as he starts fucking into your mouth the way he was probably dreaming about last night. He’s just so fucking big, and you feel a weird sort of pride bloom in your chest at being able to take him like this.

Tears are streaming down your face from the effort and you’re drooling all over his lap but, fuck, if he wants to do this every time you patrol together, you’ll let him. You take back everything you said before—if Tommy ever takes you off Joel’s patrols, you’ll kill him.

His fingers start to tug harder, painfully at your hair and you can hear him moaning something above you, his words slurred and desperate.

“S-so fuckin’ good, sweetheart, you’re…ngh—fuckin’ perfect,” he grits through his teeth, breath hitching as you wrap your lips tighter around him, flattening your tongue along the underside of his length. “‘m gonna cum…fuck, fuck—need you t-to swallow it all, sweetheart… know you can do it…so goddamn good.”

Humming and swallowing around him, you reach up to cup his balls and he erupts, pumping thick cum into your mouth and down your throat. Deep groans are punched out of his chest with every spurt and you can feel his cock pulsing against your tongue.

There’s so much of it. You try your best to do what he asked, to be good and swallow everything, but it’s starting to leak out the corners of your mouth and down his cock. Slurping up as much as you can, you pull off with an audible pop and lick off the rest of the salty, white streaks remaining on his skin.

When your watery eyes finally meet his, he’s looking at you like maybe he really has been dreaming this whole time. He’s still a little dazed, from both the weed and the intense orgasm, and he reaches out to cradle your face in his hands almost as if to prove to himself that you’re real. It’s a surprisingly tender gesture that kind of makes your heart ache.

Your lips quirk up as you lean into his touch, aching to prolong the moment, and he leans forward to press a sweet kiss to them, mouth coaxing yours open to taste himself on your tongue. You whine softly as his tongue runs along your bottom lip, and then he pulls back, hauling you into his arms to lie back on the couch.

Those heat lamps feel unbearable now. You're both hot and sweating, chests heaving from exertion, but you still refuse to separate from each other. Your brain’s feeling a lot less foggy, so you’re probably coming down from your high, which means Joel is, too. The realization sends a pang of worry through your chest like you expect him to suddenly come to and push you away, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he pulls your back to his chest, positioning your bodies more comfortably before murmuring fondly in your ear, "You’re somethin’ else, y’know that?”

You breathe out a sigh of relief. Maybe you’ll get to keep this after all—and without sacrificing everything that makes you and Joel, well…you and Joel. You twist around to shoot him an unimpressed look, but the burgeoning grin on your face betrays you.

“What, you’re just figuring that out? Took you long enough.”

He scoffs. “Listen, sweetheart—“ But you gasp, cutting him off before he can finish his sentence. No, way. How are you just putting two and two together now?

“Wait…oh my god, wait—is this why you keep calling me sweetheart? Because it's what you called me when I was blowing you in your sex dream?” You’re grinning so hard it hurts. How the fuck didn't you notice that earlier?

There was plenty of time to work it out when you were all but fucking on the couch for the past hour. But then…he didn’t actually start calling you sweetheart until he was cumming, and the realization makes your cunt throb. You file that information away for now, but make a mental note to come back to it later—hopefully back in Jackson with Joel.

…who’s still mumbling irritatedly into your shoulder. You tilt your head back to press your lips under his jaw, and you're quickly learning that kissing that particular spot turns him to jelly.

“You can keep calling me sweetheart,” you start, thinking over your next words carefully. “But I’ve got conditions.”

“Oh, she’s got demands now,” you can hear the dramatic eye roll in his voice. You suck a bruise into his skin to stop the back sass and it works spectacularly.

“Oh, shut up. It benefits you too, asshole,” you glare up at him before continuing. “I want your dick in my mouth every time we patrol from now on. And next time, you have to fuck me.”

His fingers dig into your sides, and you’re pretty sure you just felt his cock twitch against your ass.

“…Y-yeah, I, uh. I can do that,” he stutters, suddenly demure, and it dawns on you how much you like seeing all these different sides of Joel. He’s been mean and angry, shy and tender, and so fucking sexy all in the span of a single day. It's not something you ever would've expected from him.

You used to think he was just some grumpy old man and that his one personality trait was being an obnoxious jerk, but tonight you were proven very, very wrong.

You pull his arms tighter around you, let yourself get lost in the steady thrum of his heartbeat against your back, and hum contently. You’ll have to thank Ellie and her weed-grower friend later.

“Y’know, I almost thought you were gonna say no more fighting,” he says after a few seconds of silence. You look up at him incredulously, and he chuckles.

“Nah, where’s the fun in that?”

thanks so much for reading! 🥰

[takenbypeter]

Hi! I absolutely ADORE your Wonka fics 😍 can I request? I would love either a sick fic where the reader is sick and Willy takes care of her or one where she gets injured or faints or whatever

Or just a classic jealousy fic because we all know once his chocolate takes off Willy will be very popular with the ladies aha

Please and thank you I love everything you write btw

Envious; To Be Or Not To Be That Is The Question

Willy Wonka x reader

Words: 1164

Business was booming in the Wonka store.

People were constantly coming in and out and candy was practically flying off the shelves. Willy became busy working in his factory and his shop, but he still always had time for you and you were always grateful for that.

Honestly speaking, you expected this, I mean how could you not? His chocolate was so stupenderrific.

What you didn’t expect, or rather, what you forgot about was the popularity of not just the chocolate but of the man behind the creations.

You noticed it a few times before. The way someone would give him a look or maybe chat with their friends and giggle while staring at Willy Wonka. It didn’t bother you so, because nobody ever really acted on anything and you knew Willy only had his eye on one person.

You.

But today? Today was a little different.

Today you had decided to visit the chocolatier, which wasn’t out of the ordinary for you.

When entering the chocolate store you immediately noticed the crowd. There were people practically everywhere, left and right. But even so, you could easily spot your darling a mile away.

He was currently occupied with customers showing them around the store, no doubt explaining his chocolate to them. Not wanting to interrupt of course, you opted to walking around yourself, snacking on some of the sweet treats here and there.

Munching on a silver lining you neared your partner, while still keeping your distance. You could hear Willy as he enthusiastically explained his methods and you couldn’t help but beam at his passion.

Watching in admiration a comment nearby pulled you out of your daze.

“That Mr.Wonka, his snacks are delicious.” You heard coming from a group of women beside you. You glanced at them quickly, noticing how they were openly gawking.

“His snacks aren’t the only thing that’s delicious,” said another, before they burst into giggles.

You shook your head, rolling your eyes at the remarks. You tried to pay no mind but they continued.

“You are so bad.”

“What? She’s right,” said another, “actually I might take a crack at that.”

You frown slightly, your eyebrows knitting together.

“He’s probably taken.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try.”

“He might be tired of his relationship anyway.”

You squint, growing upset as they continue in their discussions with the occasional laughs. Who talks like that? You watch in annoyance as the group travels to Willy Wonka. Honestly you were upset, but frankly you wanted to see how this all was going to go down.

Picking up a flower dessert the woman saunters to Willy, “gee Mr.Wonka, your ideas are oh so unique. You can really see your pure creativity in each and every one.”

“Well thank you,” says Willy, always appreciative to hear kind words.

“I would love to come to your factory and…taste test for you,” comments another one of the women butting ahead of her friend.

But Willy doesn’t seem to pick up on her tone, “I apologize but I’m not hiring at the moment.”

Unfortunately the latter woman is persistent.

“No, not for a job,” she laughed resting a hand on his shoulder, while her friends watched on, “I was thinking more of an after hours sort of special taste test.”

Willy stares at her with the same smile still on his lips, “why would you want to do that?”

At this point it’s impossible for you not to laugh at how oblivious he seemed about her advances.

The woman opens her mouth once more but unable to witness any further you stepped in. “Willy!” You exclaimed, gaining his attention along with the small group.

Willy’s smile broadened, expressing a goofy grin as he shifted his body towards you. “Darling! What are you doing here?” He asks enthusiastically, while you place a small kiss on his cheek as you near.

“Oh nothing, just stopping by,” you respond before turning to the group feigning surprise at your own interruption, “oh I’m sorry. I’d like to thank you all for supporting my Willy’s dream. It means the world to me and him that he has your support,” you glance to the last woman taking note of the obscure expression decorating her face.

“Oh did I interrupt?”

“Nope. We were just about done” says Willy. He thanks the attendees before tugging you to the opposite side that’s less crowded.

“You are hilarious…Mr.Wonka,” you tease, your tone light.

His head tilts, clearly confused by your words.

“That woman,” you point with your eyes at the scene you two left behind, “she was desperately flirting.”

Willy’s eyelids lift, his eyes widened at this news, “with who?” He glances around trying to match the suitor.

“With you.”

He bends his hand placing the tips of his fingers on his chest as if questioning, ‘me?’ And you nod in response.

Willy’s lips curled downwards in thought, but then his face contorted to an even more curious one.

“Huh?”

You raise a brow at that, “what?”

“Nothing,” he brushes.

But then, “huh?”

You shake your head, a smile threatening to break through, “that’s a double huh. Spill it.”

Willy shifted to you the smile of his own widening, “did you perhaps…get envious?”

That is not a discussion you were expecting to have at this moment.

“I have no idea what you’re going on about,” you protest, yet the smile on your face expresses something else.

“See I don’t think that’s entirely true,” he pointed out crossing his arms, “because A, your face right now tells me otherwise, and B, you interrupted my tour.”

Willy had a point there. Typically when you came in and he was busy discussing, whether it be with a group or an individual, you always waited until he was absolutely free. However, this time, you did not.

But still…“you’re imagining things,” you tease, your eyes leaving his, unable to willingly admit the facts.

“Uh-huh, okay. Well…”

He leans over faster than you realize, with his lips coming in contact flush against your own. Before he retracts himself.

“It’s flattering that you feel so strongly about me.”

“Yeah, well…yeah,” is all you say bashful enough of your own feelings, “but how could you not notice her advances?” You’re genuinely curious because it all was so obvious.

He shrugged a dazed look on his expression, “I guess it’s easy to give no thought to those things, when I’ve already got something so special with you.”

Feeling your cheeks gain in warmth you glance away clearing your throat in bashfulness, “woah, I thought chocolate was your expertise not cheesiness.”

He laughed along with you, “eh who knows, maybe I can try to branch out into the cheesy side of things.”

You open your mouth but are interrupted by another inquiring customer who gains the chocolatier's attention.

Standing aside and letting him be you observe, pondering on how thankful you are to have found this man.

And suddenly gaining in curiousness…does he get jealous?

[taintedbenevolence]

Yandere Itadori Yuji + Yandere Sukuna x fem!reader Headcanons

! MINORS DNI !

A / N - NSFW content is only on Sukuna's section. Itadori is underage; I will not be writing NSFW content for him.

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄          𝕀𝕋𝔸𝔻𝕆ℝ𝕀𝕐 𝕐𝕌𝕁𝕀 𝕒𝕟𝕕 ℝ𝕐𝕆𝕄𝔼ℕ 𝕊𝕌𝕂𝕌ℕ𝔸 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐘        ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻ℂ𝔸ℕ𝕆ℕ𝕊

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ( + HEAVILY IMPLIED NSFW FOR SUKUNA )         𝕀𝕄ℙ𝕃𝕀𝔼𝔻 𝕊𝕋𝔸𝕃𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾, 𝕄𝕌ℝ𝔻𝔼ℝ, 𝕂𝕀𝔻ℕ𝔸ℙℙ𝕀ℕ𝔾, ℕ𝕆ℕ-ℂ𝕆ℕ 𝔸𝔽𝔽𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ, 𝔻ℝ𝕌𝔾𝔾𝕀ℕ𝔾, 𝕄𝔸ℕ𝕀ℙ𝕌𝕃𝔸𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ, 𝕌ℕℍ𝔼𝔸𝕃𝕋ℍ𝕐 𝔹𝔼ℍ𝔸𝕍𝕀𝕆ℝ, 𝕊𝔸𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕄/𝕄𝔸𝕊𝕆ℂℍ𝕀𝕊𝕄 𝔻𝕐ℕ𝔸𝕄𝕀ℂ

ITADORI YUJI [SUKUNA'S VESSEL]

" I'LL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE ... I SWEAR IT.

                          JUST PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR LOVE. PLEASE! "

- ISFP - 15 y/o - He/him - March 20 - Caring + Obsessive Yandere 

Yuji, for the most part, isn't a yandere you can immediately notice. He does such a good job at hiding it that honestly, it could grow to be terrifying at how hidden it is. His obsession with you doesn't come out in front of you. Ever.

If you're unaware of it, he'll make sure you don't ever realize it, or at least try his best to make sure you don't. Both because he wants to keep the good friendship you have so far, and he doesn't want to unintentionally scare you off. He's rather gentle on a surface view, you could say. 

With the cheerful disposition alongside with that kind smile he possesses, Itadori is the last person you'd think is obsessed beyond redemption for you and you alone. And thank god he's trying to suppress it when you're present because if you just knew how unhinged he could be when it came to you ... only god knows if you'd ever see him the same again.

Yuji most likely doesn't admit he has an interest if anyone catches on that he's drifting off, thinking about something. Or someone. If somebody asked "do you like someone?" he will most likely shake his head no. He doesn't want anyone involved. Despite his accepting and carefree nature, he'd rather not drag in other people into his love life.

The few times you might rarely ever get a glimpse of his unhinged behavior is when somebody hurts you. The moment Yuji learns someone hurt you, he is beyond pissed off. He might be organizing himself in a rare occasion, but if he so much as hears a whisper or faint rumor that you were hurt?

He's not going to be happy. At all.

He will find you, no matter where you are, even if you're hiding. Any other matter can wait. They can scream at him that someone else is in need of help. But Itadori doesn't care. Not in the slightest. Not when you're the one who's in pain.

That's the scary thing of Itadori. As much as he cares for the wellbeing of the general population, he cares about you more than the rest. For all he cares, he'd die for you and kill for you. He'd do it all, go through hell and back just to be with you. He's like a switch. One moment, he's the caring boy you held a strong friendship with, the one who'd protect everyone.

The other? He could care less what happens to the world so long he gets to keep you for himself. Is that selfish? Yes. Is he aware? Yes. Does he care? Possibly. But will he ever bring himself to stop? Hell no.

You could say that as much as he hates it, Sukuna's traits might show a little when it comes to the latter side. He has no qualms in fighting for you. Verbally and physically. He just does not care.

As for how he tries to keep you for himself.. It's going to take him a long while to figure it out. The way he sees it, if he just drags you, it would terrify you beyond measure, and it wouldn't go too well. He wants to do it in a way you won't have problems with. Even though that's technically.. impossible.

He's definitely thought about taking you for his own with a chloroform rag, but he thinks it's too much of a hassle, and it'd still alarm you. He's also thought of knocking you out, leaving you unconscious until hours later, but he'd hate to hurt you.

So he just ends up being convinced about the fact that he can't take you for himself. Or at least, not kidnap you. Sounds good, right? Not really.

Because then he gets desperate. Increasingly so. He wants you. You. Just you. And he can't have that. And the more he grows desperate, the worse it is for you.

He begins to be a little clingy. At first, you just see it as something playful. He's just being adorable, how he clings to you, likes to be with you, you find it endearing. And for the most part, it is... right?

But it soon becomes a little concerning. He wants to be around a bit more than would be comfortable.

You're going out for a walk? Yuji's right by your side. You're buying some books to read alone? Yuji will accompany you! You want to go back home? He'll walk you back to it to keep you safe. You're calling a friend to make plans? He's going to tag along.

You were going to hang out by yourself someplace? Yuji so happens to be there already. You're going to a restaurant? He's gotten reservations! He's going to be with you, whether you like it or not.

If you ever asked him about it, he'd just say that he's doing this "for your own safety" despite the real reason being that he just is stuck to you like glue because of his obsession. But it doesn't end there. He begins to catch on that you're not exactly comfortable with this.

So he "stops" being with you so much, as much as it pains him. You feel relieved that he's not on your tail all that much, or at least, that's what you think. Because like hell he'd ever let you leave his sight. So he resorts to observing you from afar.

Contrary to what many would think, he makes it be very subtle, barely noticeable. The few times that you feel someone observing you, it's not something that makes you uneasy, and when you turn around and see nothing, you just tend to brush it off.

Yuji is patient. He has time. He has the will. He can wait for you to grow to love him too.

He'll wait until you confess with your face red and embarrassed. And he'll be more than happy to reciprocate. He'll love you with a full heart. So this could go two ways. It could turn out really well for you, so long as you don't find out the amount of people who've been indirectly threatened by him, and you keep loving him as the sweet darling you are.

Or it could be worse. You realize that any movement could result in a person's death. That your love is something sought after preciously. If you ever did, unfortunately, come to realize Yuji's obsession, you best believe he's not going to let you go anywhere.

Hell, if he has to strap you to a chair in your own room, he will- He's not going to risk letting you escape him now that you've found out the one thing he wished you hadn't. But at the very least, it also rids him of a burden.

He can now show you just how true his love his. His passion. His desire. It burns true and rightfully so. You'd do good to not outright reject him either. It would break him if you did, yes. His heart would be shattered. He wouldn't understand.

But at the same time, he would know why. Nevertheless, as much as he feels bad for you, he does not let go. At all. You'd expect that maybe after seeing your pain and dislike for this, he'd maybe loosen up a bit on the restraints, but no. If anything, he takes extra measures to be sure you won't go running away and escaping him.

And if you did manage to run away? Please; it's going to be less than ten minutes before he finds you once he realizes you're gone. It's pointless. You can't escape him, no matter how hard you try. And it'll only be worse for you if you managed to run and he finds you.

In all honesty, it is. His trust in you will decrease. Severely. If you had the freedom to even walk around through other rooms on your own, that privilege is also gone now. You're forced to be in the same place until Itadori comes back to be with you. He will make sure you don't run.

As kind as he is, he will be harsh, should you push him. A patient boy like him also has his limits. You ought to know better than to piss him off and cross the line.

Push his buttons enough times, and you'll begin to know what fear truly tastes like from firsthand experience.

Send your prayers. You might need them.

RYOMEN SUKUNA [KING OF CURSES]

" I'D KILL THEM ALL IF THEY SO MUCH

                      AS LOOKED IN YOUR DIRECTION. "

- ENTJ - 1000+ - He/him - UNKNOWN - Sadistic + Possessive Yandere

Oh, you're an unfortunate soul.

If you caught the eye of Sukuna, it's fair to say your life is only going to downhill from this point and on. He gives zero shits whether you're consenting or not. He will more than happily drag you kicking and screaming to where he wishes.

He is a highly possessive, jealous yandere. Definitely obsessive, but most prominently a possessive one. And it shows. He never lets you out of his sight. The moment you caught his eye, your fate had been sealed. And your end.. wasn't a good one, to put it lightly.

He's stalked you since day one, and there's no other way to put it. He has. He knows your routine, your preferences, your dislikes, what makes you tick, all of those insignificant details of yours that nobody cares to pay attention to. He knows you better than you know yourself, probably.

It would scare you to think about it. And he wants that. He loves your fear.

From the moment you met, it's clear to him that he's not gonna let you go. Maybe he's a little bit passive at first, just flirtatious, but it's far too dark what awaits you beneath the surface. And you couldn't be more blind to it.

Let's not count how many he's killed. Honestly, he's killed for less, so a massacre in your name is nothing more than a sweet, heartfelt course of action for your affection in his eyes. The blood on his hands is more than you'd ever be able to know.

You most likely tend to avoid him, given he is the King of Curses. You think he's someone who's best left undisturbed. And to a certain degree, this is true. However, in Sukuna's eyes, it only amuses him that you try to avoid him.

He thinks it's funny how you try to find an excuse to not get close to him and to avoid him when even still he manages to find you. He will definitely try to and scare you a bit by making appearances next to you without making a sound. It's like he's just appeared out of thin air next to you and every time he does it you're almost scared shitless.

( Though really, he's just.. stalking you and then showing himself every now and then just to say hi. He likes to piss you off. Yes, he's an asshole- )

Sukuna doesn't really care if his feelings towards you are unhealthy. Hell, he's a curse. Why should he of all people care about whether his feelings are healthy or not? It's not like he's not batshit crazy.

Oh, and remember how it was discussed he'd drag you kicking and screaming with no problem? Yeah, this man (curse) is kidnapping you. Good luck with that. It's better if you don't resist either, because come on. Look at him. He could kill you at any second if he wished to. You're getting more mercy than anyone else ever would by his hands.

Most likely there'll be no way to escape, and he'll have his own fun chaining you. He's not running risks. However, the restraints are more of a thing that he just would use for when he finally decides to take you for himself. He will be fucking you senseless.

Restraints such as chains, cuffs, and collars are an absolute thing he'd use on the occasion. He is tying you up. Sukuna is sadistic, and it shows. Knife-play may also be involved, though he takes care to not hurt you gravely, just enough to draw blood on some places. (As much as he hates to admit, he won't hurt you enough to kill you. He does care. In his own weird way.)

His sadism isn't just shown by the way he delights in your fearful expression when you plead him to spare others, to not kill them. It doesn't just show when you beg him, to the point tears brim from your eyes. It's honestly pathetic, the way he sees it, but he loves it. He's lovesick. Your suffering is his passion. Pain is pleasure, he'd say.

If you're a masochist, though? And you enjoy all that sadistic shit he makes you go through during sex? Oh god. You better not let him know. He's already a sadist as is, but knowing you enjoy that? It's going to amplify his excitement furthermore than is good.

The moment he realizes you like this, he will take things to a level above painful pleasure. He's going to put you through mind-breaking sex.

He's relentless, really, marking you in more ways than one, whether it be a mark on your neck left by a bite he did, or just fucking you until you can't even think properly anymore and you're all tight and wet, making you keep that length inside of you pushing and throbbing whilst you beg and scream. 

He wants you all to himself, so why wouldn't he go to the extremes? After all, he doesn't want anyone else to even touch you. Please. He'd kill them if they so even glanced at you in the wrong way.

It's not going to be hard for him to claim you as his, nor will it be hard to keep you. You can't escape from him. It doesn't matter where you run, where you hide, to whom you'll plead and beg to help and save you; he'll have his eyes on you and you alone, and he'll make sure that during that bothersome eternity he lives through, you'll be with him too.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I am I the asshole for telling someone what they were doing was "mean spirited and cruel"?

(submitted this a while back but was never posted - don't know if tumblr ate it or if it broke a rule, but i'm sorry if its the latter)

My complex has a facebook page where residents can post questions or concerns to other residents. One day a woman posted asking if we could move the food bowls where people feed the feral cat colony that lives near us because when she walks her dogs they always lunge at the cats; she had just had surgery and it hurt when they pulled on the leash. Someone responded saying they had moved the bowls down and that seemed like that.

Two days later she posted again saying that our "kind and caring neighbor" (her) had called someone to come pick up the cats. From another comment on the post it seemed like she had talked to someone IRL who was rude and basically told her "I've been feeding the cats for 10 years fuck off" and then called animal control immediately after that.

This felt really petty to me, and I posted saying that calling animal control on the cats was "mean spirited and cruel". I explained that almost all feral cats taken in are put down, and that she was making a decision about the community's cats without consulting the community. I added that I was sorry she had been hurting since her surgery, but that there were other steps she should have taken before this.

She responded that I needed to have more compassion for her as she herself was very compassionate and caring person. To which I responded that she should then extend that compassion to these cats that had never hurt anyone. (Seriously, they just chill around our complex and eat rats – they’ve never scratched or bit any person or animal)

She responded that they hurt her “fur babies” everyday because they make her dogs pull at their leashes and choke themselves. She then went on a rant about how she didn’t understand why people weren’t respecting her anger and that since she lived here she had a right to want the cats gone. She also mentioned that calling her “mean spirited and cruel” had racial connotations and that I wouldn’t call a white person that.

Important context, I am a white woman – up until this point I had not realized that she was a black woman as this argument was in a facebook group and the pictures were small. But it is very possible this is something I saw and internalized without consciously recognizing it.

I was really thrown by this, and just replied yes, I would and that I’m sorry it hurt to hear, but that is what her actions were. (Which, yeah, nobody ever not in the racist category uses the ‘I’d say that to anyone!’ excuse, but I truly didn’t know what to say). She continued to respond to my comment saying how I was a pitiful person if I’d really call anyone that, and that I hadn’t addressed any of her other points.

More people where commenting at the same time on this post, and while she responded to all of them my “mean spirited and cruel” comment apparently really got her because she kept bringing it up in arguments with other people. She really felt that people were being unjustifiably angry and mean to her for something she thought she had a right to do.

It also came out that she had apparently posted complaining about the cats the day before but it had gotten so out of hand the post was deleted before I could see it. She had also gotten into several arguments IRL with people feeding the cats. This explains why she felt so ganged up on I suppose – though none of this I knew before replying.

The next day she specifically made a new post calling out racists in our community and tagged me and few other people (even other POC) who had disagreed with her about the cats. I didn’t respond, but fairly quickly that and the post from before were deleted.

I’ve been really trying to think about if my internalized racism did unknowingly influence my actions, but I honestly keep coming back to the fact that I think I would have said the same to anyone who tried to get a cat colony killed because her dogs try to attack them.

Also for those curious – the cat colony is still here! It turns out removing a cat colony from their home is actually considered animal cruelty and is illegal in this state

What are these acronyms?

[reallyromealone]

Demon Slayer • Father Figure Tengen x Muzan's Son Reader • Reader was a weak half demon that refused to help his father find the spider Lily. A traveler mistook the boy as human when he found Reader severally injured on the side of the road, he was took to the butterfly estate since it was close by in hopes for the boy to be healed. When the Hashiras found out he was a demon, he was prisoned. That is when Tengen and him got close, Reader seeing Tengen as a father that he always wanted. (take your time! Love you, friendo!)

Oh this is good

And ily too friendarino

I worked very hard on this ---

(Name) was only five in human years when his dad nearly killed him and abandoned him on the side of a road.

Scared and cold the little half demon clung helplessly to his blankie, the only thing he had of his mother.

His body was shutting down and he felt so alone.

Half demons healed at a much much slower rate, (name) accepting death.

"Oh poor thing, let's get you to a doctor."

Waking up in a warm bed felt weird, the small child clinging to the blankets helplessly as people checked on him "he's so cold..." One of them commented as they tried to warm the boy up.

See, the tricky thing about half demons is that they have a weird combination of both human and demon.

They can die of old age but they're aging process is incredibly slow.

They have blood magic but it's nowhere near as strong.

And unlike demons they can eat human food and go into sunlight, they're just very sensitive to the latter.

(Name) could honestly live a normal life if he chose too.

But his dad had other plans.

He wanted to raise (name) to be the perfect weapon despite his flaw of being a human.

He wanted (name) to find the spider lily.

(Name) didn't want to help his dad find some flower, the small child not understanding the gravity of why it was so important.

Muzan didn't like it.

One bit.

So Muzan did what he felt logical.

Kill and abandon the child and start again.

Though he didn't successfully kill (name) as the small boy was still alive.

Cracking his eyes open he saw a traditional room, gas lamp beside him as a woman with pretty purple eyes and a butterfly clip dabbed warm water on him to try and regulate his body temperature.

"Oh! You're awake, how are you feeling?" The lady asked and (name) was hesitant to answer as he looked down "I'm good, thank you miss..." His voice meek and soft as he refused to make eye contact with her.

He would face dire consequences if he did so.

"Where are your parents little one?"

"Mamas gone... Papa hates me"

"Why do you think that?"

"Wouldn't find a stupid lily so papa got rid of me..."

"....what kind of lily" the air in the room shifted as everyone stared at the child...his eyes....they looked like...his.

"Buu spider lily..."

"Take him to the dungeons" was all he heard before he was taken down to a cold cell...reminded him of where father would put him if he didn't behave.

Curled up he cried, realizing he didn't have his blankie made him even more upset.

Tengen walked down to the dungeons, requested by the others to figure out what the kid was up to and kind of interrogate him.

When tengen got to the demons cell he wasn't expecting practically a baby, sobbing away "thought you would have been older..." Tengen said catching the boys attention and Tengen watched him physically flinch and curl up more "I'm sorry..." The boy mumbled and repeated the phrase, genuinely scared of the man.

"Hey... I'm not gonna hurt you, I just have a few questions..."

(Name) stared at him with teary eyes but didn't say anything else.

"Pretty scary down here... Are you hungry?"

(Name) shook his head but his stomach said otherwise, a loud growl rang out and (name) cried a bit in worry.

"Hey... It's alright, we all get hungry" Tengen said softly and (name) fiddled with his little fingers "is there anything I can do to make feel better?"

(Name) was quiet for a moment before speaking "my blankie..." His little voice melted Tengens heart and the white haired man nodded "alright... I will be right back alright?"

"Promise?"

"I promise"

When tengen came upstairs be was livid.

They wanted him to interrogate a toddler!

He didn't care if that was Muzans child, all he saw was a scared abandoned toddler who needed someone to save him.

But first that kid needed food.

And his blankie.

He made a simple dish for the toddler, nothing crazy and grabbed his blanket and a small cup of tea to wash it down.

(Name) was surprised when the man came back with so much for him.

"Here you go, it's not a the fanciest but I like it" he said wrapping the boys blanket around his tiny shoulders "and this is some tea, it's cool enough to drink now"

"Have you ever had this?" Tengen asked the small child who shook his head "what have you had?"

"Nefer had food... Father made me eat pink squishy stuff and yucky red stuff... It always made me feel weird"

It didn't take a genius to realize what he talking about.

Flesh and blood.

The thing about half demons is they can eat flesh of humans and gain power like a demon but it doesn't taste good.

It tasted to (name) how raw flesh would to a human.

Since no one else ate human food around him, he didn't know much about it.

"Well I promise you this is really yummy"

Tengen held a chopstick to (name)s lips and the tot opened wide and looked pleasantly surprised at how yummy it tasted.

The two spent the next half hour like this, Tengen feeding the small boy who somehow ended up in his crossed lap and Tengen learned that this boy wasn't a threat at all.

He was just a little boy who desperately needed love.

And Tengen wanted to give him all of it.

"Let's go upstairs yeah?"

The others were horrified as he carried the little boy in his arms and spoke oh so softly to him.

"He's a demon!"

"He's a toddler who just had green tea for the first time and his mom's human, he's half"

"He still shares blood with that monster!"

"A monster he's terrified of, he's five...he doesn't understand what his dad is doing all he knows is he hurt him and never loved him"

The other hashira looked sceptical as Tengen continued "I will take full responsibility for him...just give him a chance before turning him away"

The others begrudgingly agreed and allowed him to keep the spawn.

The following days the others watched Tengen interact with the child, setting him up in a room and getting him a few toys, the little boy crying.

He had never been given a gift.

(Name) was practically his shadow, following him everywhere and holding onto his pant leg.

A week became a month and a month became six.

Tengens wives took the small boy in with open arms, doting and loving.

"Goodnight (name)..." Tengen said softly to the boy he had grown to love.

"Goodnight papa..."

Tengen wanted to cry right then and there, he had seen the boy as his own but never said anything as he didn't want to push the boy but now...

He was his dad now.

And he had never been happier.

[idyllic-affections]

dad!pantalone iii (ft. the harbingers).

summary. the harbingers all have their own choice nicknames for pantalone's child.

trigger & content warnings. dottore clones being... dottore clones. you know? yeah.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff. dad!pantalone & reader, la signora & reader, acaramouche & reader, il dottore & reader, arlecchino & reader, columbina & reader, childe & reader, pulcinella & reader. 0.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader. prev | next

author's thoughts. i wrote this series quite some time ago but i think about it all the time. it was honestly so fun to write LMAO i miss it sometimes.....

the harbingers rarely seem to call pantalone's child by their name. they all have their own nicknames for the little one. let's see what they are, shall we?

starting off with the man himself, pantalone has a collection of nicknames he uses to refer to his kid, from something as simple and tender as 'little one' or 'my dove' to the more embarrassing 'my gem.' the latter becomes one of those nicknames that begins to embarrass his child as they get older, especially in their preteen years (by the time they're 15, 16, 17... they've gotten used to it). he finds it funny, the way they fluster and stutter and complain about that nickname being very embarrassing when he uses it in public. he's almost pouty when the time comes that they don't find it embarrassing anymore. he also takes fondly to a simple 'darling' or 'love.'

la signora's nicknames are a little more... extravagant, for lack of a better word. after they burned the balladeer's coat, she took to calling them 'my little flame.' all of her nicknames are oddly fire related. she has little shame calling them such things in public, and she likes to think her nicknames function as something of a warning sign; after all, they do have the capacity to be destructive. everyone should be aware that they are no easy target, she thinks. there are some, however, that she tends to only use when there are fewer people around, such as 'firefly.' additionally, she seems to call them 'dearest' rather often. it's the most "normal" of her nicknames.

scaramouche calls them 'pyromaniac,' and does so very bitterly, might i add. end of story. he will never forget what they did despite the fact that they were a child with poor pyro control when they did it.

il dottore, in his omega build... well, nothing he calls them is even remotely affectionate. 'brat,' 'menace,' the list goes on. he could fill an entire book with the mean nicknames he uses on them. they find it quite funny, actually. he can't physically or psychologically hurt them, so he resorts to shitty nicknames? pathetic. this, however, tends to vary between segments. some—keyword: some—of both the younger and older segments are actually quite fond of them, and use 'mon petit monstre' on them... is that a term of endearment or are they being harassed?? they have no clue. they speak the common tongue of fontaine, so they know what it means, and yet... they really can't tell if it comes from a place of fondness or not. zeta, more commonly known as webttore, will not hesitate to call them a bitch but if anyone else does it, he might end up adding another heinous crime to his already extensive list.

arlecchino, the woman who raised them until about the age of five, tends to simply call them by their name, unlike most of the harbingers. sometimes, though, she'll call them 'honey' or 'my dear' in a very gentle, tender tone. now, if any fatui agent catches her doing this... it won't end well. she's soft only for them and columbina but she doesn't need people knowing about that. she has a reputation, after all. the knave isn't all that kind, no, but she did grow fond of them, and she still holds a small grudge against the regrator for leaving them with her for so long.

columbina, oh, her nicknames are easily the sweetest—'angel,' 'sweetheart,' 'lovely,' it goes on. she and dottore are on opposite ends of the nickname scale. every pet name she calls them is laced with only the utmost saccharine sweetness. contrary to popular belief, it comes from a place of genuine fondness.

childe's nicknames are a little different. they're all friendly and perhaps a bit too casual, given the fact that [name] could ruin his life very easily. 'kiddo,' 'bud,' 'kid,' archons... its almost as if childe forgets that they aren't too much like other children their age. what other snezhnayan child their age is the most lucrative target in all of teyvat, yet simultaneously the most untouchable?... perhaps it's simply because he sees another sibling in them. who knows?

pulcinella's nicknames are the typical "old man talking to his grandchild" nicknames—namely 'dear' and 'young one.'

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[nenchainzz]

𝒞𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑜'𝓈 ℒ𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝒟𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒𝓈

Choso x Fem!Reader

Warnings: backshot mention, hair pulling, cunnilingus, lotus position, praise kink, masturbation, body worship, exhibitionism mention, vaginal sex, cock ring mention, teasing, marking kink, cock description,

NSFW Alphabet!!

A = Aftercare = Choso is the kind of man to get you anything you need when giving aftercare. You want a bath? He’s already running the warm water. You want sweet cuddles? He’s pulling you into his muscular chest, massaging your body. If you asked him if he had some kind of preference, he would answer, saying he enjoys a warm bath. You sit together, wrapped in each other’s embrace in the warm, scented water.

B = Body Part = If Choso had to choose, he’d say your thighs. Whether it’s in a more innocent scenario like holding your thigh while driving somewhere or being crushed between as he draws orgasm after orgasm from you.

C = Cum = Choso loves backshots. Like LOVES them. He loves being able to see his cum run down your spine to the curve of your ass. It’s almost enough to make him hard again, to be honest.

D = Dirty Secret = Pull this man’s hair. When he’s eating you out or making out with you, he loves it when you grab his scalp. Like he’ll moan into your mouth or pussy when you do so.

E = Experience = Well, Choso isn’t exactly all that experienced. However, he is more than willing to learn. You’ll only have to show/tell him once, and he’ll get the hang of it.

F = Favorite Position = He loves the lotus position. He loves being so close to you - your chests pressed against each other and his arms about you. God, he loves it.

G = Goofy = He’s not very goofy during sex, I’d say, but if you are, he’s not opposed to occasionally laughing at a joke, maybe.

H = Hair = He never paid any mind before getting with you. However, when the two of you began to be intimate, he kept himself groomed - definitely wanting to impress you.

I = Intimacy = He loves the intimacy behind it. He loves holding your hand while pounding into you and setting up a romantic atmosphere. He loves praising you to high heaven like this man is a die-hard romantic. I stand by that.

J = Jack Off = When he’s not with you, he’ll probably indulge in some masturbation. He just can’t help it when his thoughts trail to you (which happens like all the time, ofc).

K = Kink = As I said before, definitely hair-pulling, lmao. But also praise kink - he loves praising you as much as possible. Going in hand with praise, I will also say body worship. He loves both giving and (receiving), although the latter is not something he will ask for lol.

L = Location = He would prefer the privacy of your own home, but he is not entirely opposed to a quickie outside of your privacy (but it would probably take a LOT of convincing).

M = Motivation = He has no specific motivations because he loves everything about you. Therefore, if you were to ask, he’d probably simply say, “Just you.”

N = No = He would never want to hurt you or your feelings. He would say because of his love and respect for you.

O = Oral = Giving for sure. He loves hearing you moan for him as he eats you out. (It’s the best sound he’s ever heard).

P = Pace = It depends on the mood of either of you. However, He prefers a slower and rougher pace because he gets the most beautiful reactions from you.

Q = Quickie = He does prefer to take his sweet time with you, but if he’s pent up enough, he might occasionally indulge in a quickie with you.

R = Risk = I feel like he’d be relatively okay with experimentation. Def a lot of prep for it tbh.

S = Stamina = He can last however long he needs to (basically, how long you want him to lowkey).

T = Toys = He likes using toys on you especially, but not too often for himself. He’s more likely to use them on himself when away from you. I’m thinking he uses a vibrating cock ring, honestly.

U = Unfair = He usually loves giving you what you desire. However, he does enjoy teasing you every now and then just to hear you beg for him and his cock.

V = Volume = At the beginning, he’s more likely to groan and grunt at a reasonable volume. However, when he’s about to cum he moans close to your ear. So, he’s not too loud and prefers only you to hear how good he feels.

W = Wild Card (A Random Headcanon For The Character) = He lowkey likes when you mark him up, whether with hickeys or scratching up his back with your nails.

X = X-Ray = He’s probably packing 7-7.5 with a pale pink tip, which will flush when hard.

Y = Yearning = He does have a decently high sex drive, but nothing too crazy (considering he’s not human). However, he isn’t always in the mood lmao.

Z = Zzz = If he were to fall asleep, he would wait until after you did.

.·゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜·．.·゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜·．.·゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜·．

© f33blesch0lar 2024, all rights reserved. do not plagiarize, use for ai, copy, translate, or repost my content on any platform. comments, reblogs, and likes are loved

[storagebay29]

james somerton 'apology' video transcript

Note: for those who do not want to watch it. For those who do, here's a link to a reupload as the original has since been deleted. There are a lot of a pauses and 'um's/'uh's, the latter of which are largely ommitted from the below transcript. Posted under a readmore as it's pretty long.

I'm sorry for taking so long to make this video, or to say anything. I'm in the hospital- I've been in the hospital for a little over a week. I tried- Fuck. I tried to do something really stupid... (pause) I'm only here now because before I did it, I called my dad to talk to him one more time and, he figured out something was wrong, called paramedics or 911 or… and they got here and I woke up in the hospital and, yeah.

…

Anyway, I'm not trying to make this a sob story, I'm just trying to explain why I've been so quiet. I had a friend from back home checking my emails and stuff, and yeah.

…

But anyway… I wanna say that I'm really really sorry, really really sorry... for the stuff in the videos, the not crediting people, and for a lot of videos, you know I, I did the opening titles thing, and I tried to put like ‘this is based on X's- this person's research, or on this person's book,’ but I know now that wasn't enough, that wasn't okay. And then there were a lot of times... that uh...  oh god. There were a lot of times that stuff just got put in and there was no attempt at crediting anybody (pause) and I'm really really sorry.

And I'm not, I'm not sorry that I got caught, I'm sorry for ever doing it, I didn't- I honestly honestly... didn't realise that I was hurting people... And now that I know that I was hurting people… I'm just really sorry.

I lost my best friend because of this. Nick and I have been best friends since 2011 or [20]12? We'd been friends online and then. He lived in Ottawa, I moved to Ottawa so we could be, like, friends in person, and then we moved back to- I moved back to Nova Scotia, and Nick came with me. We eventually moved to the Toronto area where we lived together for 7 years? 8 years? We lived together for a really long time… and… he hasn't spoken to me since this happened.

Sorry, sorry I said I wasn't gonna make this a sob sorry. I should’ve got some Kleenex.

Then again I'm really really really sorry for the things I did in the videos: copying people's work and not crediting them properly or at all. I also wanna apologise for the misinformation and just outright lies that ended up in the videos? I didn't- I honestly say that I never intended for any of that stuff to be in the videos, most cases I didn't write it but I should’ve, you know it was my face on the channel, my name on the channel, I should have been, I should have been more diligent about fact checking and stuff. ‘Cause there was a lot of really stupid shit in there. It would’ve- it's just so easy to check, I just never did, I just took it for granted…

I also, I wanna thank Hbomberguy and his team for setting up the fund to make some money available for the authors that were wronged and the journalists and writers and…

I wanna help somehow, I don't know how, a lot of- I've seen a lot of people online saying how much money I apparently make and they’re way overestimating. Beyond the fact that Nick and I split everything 50/50, they're still way overestimating how much money came in… And the Toronto area is expensive, so there's not really any kind of savings, I'm moving home really soon… ‘Cause without Nick there's nothing for me here, and like I said it's really expensive…

And so I wanna say I wanna thank them for setting up that fund, and I wanna help somehow. The only thing I can think of right now is to make the videos, most of the videos public again and every month I can send the ad revenue from all of the past videos- ‘cause there were plenty that didn't have any, any uncredited stuff in them... But I can make them public again, and then every month I can send the AdSense to- either I can send it to Hbomberguy's team, that they can add to the fund, or I can start a fund myself? And every month I can publicly say how much money was made on the AdSense and show it. And send that to the writers and stuff every month. I don't know... what the system for that would be? But I would be more than happy to do that

You know some of the videos like the ‘Killing Stalking’ video brought in like a pretty decent amount of money every month so that would be helpful I think/to them. I'll also put in either the description or the pinned comment the names of the authors so that anyone watching the video knows where all of the information came from, that it wasn’t me going out doing journalism- I never thought that anyone thought that I was doing journalism and stuff, and I don't think anyone did. For the people who actually were doing it should have been given the credit they deserve, they did the hard work, all I did was edit a video. They did the hard work and they- they deserved the credit

(cut) Sorry about that, phone stopped recording.

But- yes. They deserved- they deserved credit, and… when it was something... when it was something like the, the recent... ‘history of hollywood’ videos, right there in the opening credits, I put the Vito Russo's name, that it was adapted from his book ‘The Celluloid Closet’. Same thing went for the gay panic video and the gay holocaust video, they were- the holocaust video was adapted from two books, and the gay panic video was adapted from a lot of journalism, and I- I put their names right at the beginning of the videos.

But and- I understand that's not how citation works... now. I understand that, I get it. And I wanna do better. And I know a lot of people hate me now, ‘cause I did bad shit. But I wanna try and do better. At some point I’d like to make videos again. I'd like to do videos that are fully sourced, where I will put a link to the script where you can find all the sources so that everyone is properly given the credit that they deserve, any the kind of research that's done, credit for any b roll that's used whether it's stock footage, or movies or TV shows or video games, or anything like that, have it all in there. I would like to become a really really good example of giving proper credit to writers and journalists

And I know a lot of you watching this aren't- aren't really gonna care, you'd rather I just disappear. But I would like to try to do better.

I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital, I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things. I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus, which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…

This whole thing, Nick and I were 50/50 partners, it wasn't I hired him to have a scapegoat or something like that. I never hired Nick. Nick and I were roommates for years before I started doing Youtube videos and then they started- people started watching them and I asked Nick if he wanted to help me write them and he said yes and we started splitting the- first the AdSense and then the Patreon and then the sponsorships, we just split everything. Nick was never supposed to be a fall guy.

I'm sorry. Maybe I should have waited longer to do this. But yeah, I- the- I did not- I don’t think those things and I don't think Nick does either, I think it was just how fast we were writing stuff, and how fast we were putting videos out, it was just too fast. And we weren’t putting the care into them that needed to be put into them.

I've seen a lot of people on social media and other youtubers even lying about me, but other- other- Hbomberguy was not one of them, I just wanna be clear about that, except I was never setting Nick up to be a fall guy and. It was never a grift or anything like that. I swear it was not. It is not.

In the next couple of days, I'm gonna send out a message to the Telos supporters on Indiegogo and explain the whole situation in more detail to them because we were not super clear about everything that was going on with Telos and so I can- I understand if it seems like we weren't doing anything but we were. We were doing a lot of work on Telos. We just weren’t talking about it is because we- we made that initial first announcement for ‘final girl’ and that fell through and I'll explain that to the message I send out to the supporters which I'm sure will end up on reddit or somewhere… And after that we didn't- we didn't want to talk about it too much until we had something really concrete, and I will explain all of that in that message

Telos was and is not a grift. I was never gonna take the money and run. None of the money that came in for telos was ever going to be paying me or Nick. It was going to be paying queer actors and artists, musicians, things like that. And I know there's been lots of talk about budgets and all this stuff, and people saying that I'm really stupid for thinking a movie could be made for that little money, but there are examples of it being done, and I actually do have a work ethic.

Anyway. but yeah. anyway

I do want to keep making videos and I know a lot of you won't watch them and that's- that's fine. But I really liked making videos…

We ended up making a lot of videos we didn't wanna make because people were asking for them, and so there were a lot of videos that we made that we didn't wanna make, and I think those videos are very clear on which ones those were. One of them never got officially released. It was released to patrons, some patrons have shared it to other people before all the videos went private. A lot of people hate the analysis that Nick and I did on it but. And so maybe it's good that that never got properly released, because… maybe it would have hurt people. And I don't want that.

But I do wanna make videos again sometime. I'd love to do like retrospectives on important gay movies. If you watch the channel ‘Be Kind Rewind’ they're an amazing channel that do a lot of retrospectives on older Hollywood movies and I would love to do that for gay movies. A lot of gay movies, people my age and younger have never heard of, things like ‘Torch Song Trilogy’ and ‘Longtime Companion’, and stuff like that, movies from the seventies and eighties and the nineties, things that were like really influential for gay cinema that no one talks about. And you know, I'd like to talk about not just those movies but how they got made and stuff like that. I would love to do something like that.

I swear on my mother's grave that there will be no copying people, no copying pasting. Every source will be cited in a document and on screen. ‘Cause I usually liked doing the research. I loved doing research - reading the books and articles and stuff like that. I- the part of me that was lazy was the copy and paste part. Instead of just putting it into my words and citing them properly and giving them credit… that's where the laziness came in. That was- I wasn't trying to be malicious. That was just laziness. And I promise for anyone who does watch the videos that I make going forward… I promise that will never happen again. I welcome the highest level of scrutiny on the new videos.

…

As for Patreon, I’m going to reactivate it. Because I saw a lot of people on social media saying that I was probably going to reactivate it right on January 1st so that everyone could get a surprise billing and I could take the money and run. And, no. First of all that was never my plan and I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna reactivate it now so that anyone who wants to leave - which I imagine will be the vast majority - can leave and not have to worry about being billed again in January.

… Yeah. So. In closing. I'm again incredibly sorry... And again I'm not sorry because I was caught, I honestly didn't know how much I was hurting people… and how much harm I was bringing to the community, because that's not ever what I intended. I wanted the channel to be a safe place. I spent so much time deleting comments that were hateful

I recently found out that I wasn't being notified about- that I wasn’t seeing comments that were in replies to other comments so there were plenty of hateful comments in the comment section that were plenty hateful that I wasn’t seeing, and I didn't know that. But I wanted the channel to be a safe place and it ended up not being a safe place.

And for the misinformation, that kind of falls into two categories. 1. I did the wrong research in the historical things and other things they're not what I wrote.

Again, thank you to Hbomberguy and his team for making the fund for the writers. I'd like to try to contribute to that somehow so- if- if it's okay to make the videos public and send all of the- public and send all- it won't be all of videos ‘cause some of them had to be taken down because sponsors wanted them taken down, but I can put the videos back up with the sources properly put in either- for the I guess for the videos that would be going up from zero, I could actually put in sources for the videos, which would be good.

I guess I could- For the other ones that would just be made live again, I could put them in a pinned comment. ‘Cause I think people read pinned comments more than they read the descriptions, cause like the descriptions disappear in a lot of places. Something like that. Something so that I can try and- it won't make up for what I did but just. Something.

So I’m really really really sorry. I hurt a lot of people that I really respect and that really sucks. And.  Nick if you're watching this I know you're probably not but I miss you and…

Yeah I want to do better. I want- I want to do better. I want to prove that I can do better. I don't expect anyone to just give me the benefit of the doubt. But I want to show that I can do better, so I hope you'll let me do that.

Again, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that the things I did- I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I promise going forward I will do better.

Thanks for watching, and...

…

And I’m really sorry.

[kedreeva]

Honestly, I don't think Steve even noticed what he did or didn't feel or what he was or was not actually lacking in his parents until post-Nancy. He's exactly the sort of person who doesn't think about something unless he has to. I'm NOT saying he's stupid, just that literally he does not think about things he thinks aren't worth thinking about, and I genuinely do not think he thinks his parents are worth thinking about unless it's to plan around them.

"My dad's a grade-A asshole" and Steve worrying about getting in trouble if his dad finds out what he's done is in direct opposition to his willingness to do the thing in the first place, if he thinks about his father beforehand. "My parents are not home" and "my parents are somewhere else" are separate thoughts, and what matters to the plans Steve wants to make is the latter, and I'm not entirely sure he recognizes the former as a problem. His parents not being home is the solution to 'my dad's an asshole.' His parents not being home is a point in his favor, not a problem

And honestly, why would it be a problem then? Season 1 Steve has parents he prefers to be absent, and friends that are quicker to sneer and bite than they are to smile. Season 1 Steve, prior to getting sense literally knocked into him, is concerned about getting in trouble rather than worrying about his gf having just lost her best friend. Season 1 Steve takes one look at Jonathan in Nancy's room and his first reaction isn't to worry about Nancy's well-being, not yet. His first reaction is to rile up his sharp-teethed friends and go be destructive. Before Nancy scolds him and Jonathan hits him and an entire fucking monster drops through the ceiling and tears his paradigm of the world apart, I don't think it really occurred to Steve that things should (or even could) be different. Parents are just like that, right? Everyone's parents and family and friends are just like that. Right?

Except, then he's seeing what Jonathan and Nancy will do for Jonathan's little brother, how all the kids stick together and fight for each other. What Joyce will do for her son, what Hopper will do for her kids, for the small, strange girl they're saying has superpowers. The way Dustin's mom loves him, even if she's a little oblivious. How even the parents who know nothing, like the Sinclairs and the Wheelers, actually do love their kids; it's not a show. They're not in the news, they have no reputation to keep up, there's no one to impress. They just genuinely love their children. This friend group genuinely cares about each other. even when they are at odds with each other, they care. Absolutely mindblowing to the kid who couldn't get his family or friends to give a shit about anything, including him.

And I think he gets a bigger inkling about it all at the start of season 2, when he gets more involved in the whole group, but I think the moment he realizes he's got to protect Max from her family that it really clicks about his own family. She's scared about what her brother will do, and Steve remembers being scared about what his father would do. And it's one thing to kind of Know that your parents are not good, and be in the middle of coping with it, but it's another to see that reflected in someone else and realize oh.

And I think that's.... I think that directly leads to what's going on with Steve in season 3. He mentions his dad wanting to teach him a lesson and we can assume it's about Having A Job and Work Ethic etc, and maybe it is, but I think no small part of it is also that Steve got more defensive toward his parents about them being bad parents. I think instead of just being mad that he wasn't gonna get his way with them like in S1, or cranky they were gonna punish him for doing Teenage Stuff he thinks he should get away with, that he was actually a little hurt that his parents were more like Max's family than like Dustin's or Will's or even Lucas or Mike's. And I can imagine his dad reacting the way Entitled Parents act when their kid figures them out, and saying well if we're so terrible how about you experience what it is like without us, so you can see how much you owe us for everything we do for you.

and he ends up at Scoops Ahoy, because his dad is trying to teach him a lesson, but it's NOT a lesson about work ethic, it's a lesson about how to be grateful for the things his parents give him, as if taking care of their child was a favor that Steve now needs to pay back.

Except the lesson he learns is that he can pick his family. The lesson he learns is that his family sucks. And yeah, the lesson he learns is that he hates the way things have gone, he hates the big empty house, he hates the distance his parents put between them (while simultaneously being grateful for it because he doesn't want to be close to THEM, he wants to be close to better parents). And his reaction to that isn't to want better things with his family. Maybe if he was someone else, but this is the boy who doesn't think about things that aren't worth thinking about, and it's not worth thinking about something that will never happen. His parents will never be those people and, frankly, he doesn't want them to be. It's too late. Cut that loss.

His reaction, rather, is to imagine having a new family, one where no kids are going to be alone because there will be more than one of them, a family where no kids are treated like Max was, or untreated at all like he was, because he'll be there for them. That's something he can think about as long as he likes.

[umbral-reign]

There is a post that comes across my dash every so often which talks about the two fundamental kinds of tragedies: the story that is tragic because it was always going to end in sorrow; and the story that is tragic because it didn't *have* to end in sorrow.

The latest episode of Wheel of Time (2x07) is, I think, an example of the latter - and yet, at the same time, I think it was a tragedy that was *destined* to happen.

I know there are theories concerning Compulsion having been used on Siuan (and possibly some other theories about why she acted as she did in Cairhien), and I do not at all want to discount them because honestly it would make sense. But, taking the events of the episode at face value - as much as I hate it, and as much as I personally wish it had gone a little differently, I do think that the way Moiraine and Siuan's conflict culminated was a horrible, tragic example showing just how toxic, damaging, and outright dangerous the fundamental traditions of the White Tower (and even culture of the Aes Sedai) are and have become.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

I do think that this episode, more than any of the others yet, suffered from the limited episodes Rafe/the writers were given to work with. It felt rushed, and we didn't get the chance to breathe with any of the characters in the really intense and honestly critical emotional scenes (e.g. the scene at the beginning where Moiraine and Siuan talk).

And it's there - the first scene with Moiraine and Siuan - that I think the tragedy that was to come was irrevocably decided. Because if Siuan had stopped, had listened, had given Moiraine the time she needed to be able to talk about what was happening, I think the whole mess could have been avoided. But Siuan didn't.

And I understand why, I think. Siuan was afraid and hurt. To her point of view, Moiraine had made it clear that she had cut her out of her confidence and counsel. Moiraine had been purposefully neglecting to share critical information with Siuan, and that information was very impactful on her ability to fill her role in the plan. To Siuan, I'm sure it absolutely looked like Moiraine had already broken faith with her - had already decided it wasn't *them* trying to find and protect and ready the Dragon Reborn, but *Moiraine* alone. Whether Siuan thought that choice was made from pride, grief, or Moiraine distrusting/distancing herself from Siuan, I don't think it would matter really. To Siuan, the outcome was the same.

It wasn't her and Moiraine against the world anymore. It was her, and Moiraine, and the world.

And Moiraine had proven herself incapable - at least, that's what it looked like.

There were plenty of ways that this could have been avoided. Moiraine could have been more open and forthright. Lan could have told Siuan about his suspicions regarding Moiraine's stilling. There are likely things that Alanna or even Verin could have said that would have inclined one (or the other, or even both! all three of them!) to have made different choices.

But there, I think, is the reason that this tragedy, while it could have been avoided, was destined to happen all the same - in one form or another, even if not that exact time and place and between those very specific women.

Because the Aes Sedai value secrecy and personal agenda above all else. Even if those secrets and those agendas are in the service of something else, something greater - a perfect example, of course, being Moiraine searching for the Dragon Reborn - the Aes Sedai do not trust each other. They cannot. Because their lives, their very society and community, is built on secrecy, on lies-spoken-as-truth, on politics and power and hidden agendas. They are at war against themselves, and not just because of the Black Ajah. They are at war against themselves because the White Tower does not allow honesty, trust, or open loyalty between its Sisters - ever.

And that is why, in the end of it all, I think the White Tower and the Aes Sedai, at least as they exist right now, need to be razed. Because how are those who are meant to protect and guard and guide the world able to do so, if they cannot even trust *any* of their own sisters to do the same for them?

That is why, while the tragedy of this episode could have been forestalled, maybe even avoided - it was destined to happen all the same.

But it hurts - so goddamn bad - that it had to be here, and now, and between Siuan and Moiraine.

[tklpilled]

sunshine riptide

(sidon/link)

summary: link is careless, but sidon is more than happy to be of assistance.

a/n: commission for @slyscribbles !! biting you /pos i love these two ..

[this is a sfw tickle fic!!]

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Link is smart, Sidon thinks to himself, but that doesn’t mean he’s not an idiot.

It’s not as if he expects Link to be invincible, immune to all kinds of danger. He knows that’s not the case; it never has been, it never will be. It’s just that there’s a difference between brave and reckless, and Link more often than not falls into the latter end of things. This is, of course, one of those cases.

He trails a claw down Link’s spine, near the now bandaged scrape. It’s not too bad, but still, it’s deeper than it looks. He wishes he had his sister’s healing powers. Nursing isn’t his strong suit.

“Honestly,” he murmurs, and Link shifts guiltily in his seat.

“I’m alright,” he signs, smiling sheepishly. 

Only because I noticed your injuries, Sidon muses in his head. You certainly wouldn’t have taken care of them yourself.

Despite his scolding, Sidon really doesn’t mind. It’s always a pleasure to see Link, even if it means having to bandage him up all the time. He’s taken to keeping some extra supplies around just for when Link drops by. He playfully pokes at a spot on the boy’s lower back that he knows is sensitive, just to show that he’s not really upset. Link jolts, his back straightening as he tries arching away with a huff of laughter.

“Ticklish, are we?” Sidon teases, and Link turns to glare at him before his eyes are widening as he focuses on trying not to laugh. Sidon’s claw trails in circles around Link’s back, dangerously venturing towards his sides but never quite going there. Link manages to sign the first letters of Sidon’s name in protest before he’s wrapping his arms around himself protectively, ears reddening as he squirms.

Truth be told, Sidon had no idea Link was ticklish beyond the one spot. He’d only found that one out on accident, anyway; he tends to care for the injuries on Link’s back, since Link himself can’t reach there, and it had simply come up. So, now, you can’t really blame him for wanting to investigate a little, alright?

“My, this can’t be good,” he hums, gently scratching around the sides of Link’s back and making him arch forward with a gasp. “The hero of Hyrule surely shouldn’t have such a weakness like this.”

Link shakes his head, blushing. “Stop,” he tries to sign shakily, his hand curling into a fist halfway through.

“Consider this a punishment for not telling me you were hurt,” Sidon continues, trying to hide the fond smile showing in his voice. Without warning, he jabs both of Link’s sides at once, and Link yelps before finally beginning to laugh.

His laugh has always been quiet, for as long as Sidon has known him. It’s breathy, and he can barely hear it if there are other noises around, but Sidon thinks he’s absolutely in love with it.

There’s nothing else now, though. Just them, not even the waterfalls of Lanayru loud enough to cover Link’s giggles. Sidon is eternally grateful for that.

Sidon curls around to Link’s stomach, sending him into a new fit of giggling as he doubles over. His hands bat weakly at Sidon’s, and if Sidon didn’t know better he’d think that Link was trying to make him stop. Link is much stronger than this, though, Sidon knows firsthand. 

He’s tempted to dig in a little harder, make Link laugh even harder, but he decides against it in the end. Small, soft giggles are enough for now, and besides, Link is injured. Sidon doesn’t want to be too rough on him while the wound is still fresh. Link’s laughter is a bit raspy, likely due to his voice never being used. Sidon thinks it adds charm.

“You really are ticklish, then,” he hums. “I didn’t think it was possible to be so ticklish.” Link turns a pretty shade of pink, darkening every time Sidon says that word. Sidon won’t abuse that information—not yet, at least. He’ll make no promises regarding the future. He stores it away instead, only lengthening the list in his head of what makes Link so special. The items on the list are odd and mismatched, ranging from “saved the kingdom” to “will eat rocks without a second thought”, and maybe they don’t all make sense but that’s besides the point—the point being that Link is cute, and he’s pretty, and Sidon is absolutely enamoured by him.

Link raises his hands weakly, shaking with soft laughter, and Sidon stops tickling him just long enough to let him sign without interruption.

“Stop,” he manages, before he wraps his arms back around himself and continues to giggle. Sidon thinks he means it this time. He does look rather tired, and it’s nearly dark out. Sidon pulls away and waits for Link to regain his composure. Link turns and reaches out in an attempt to poke him, and Sidon doesn’t even know if Zora can be ticklish but he’s holding Link in his arms before either of them can find out. Link sighs quietly in defeat, resigning himself to getting his revenge some other day.

And get his revenge he does, days later when he’s fully healed and more energetic than ever, but it ends quickly because that also means that Sidon’s not scared of hurting him anymore.

“Please!” he frantically gestures the best he can, considering he’s on his stomach and Sidon’s got him pinned while he’s tracing Link’s back again—just to make sure it’s really healed. Nothing more, of course.

Sidon tilts his head as if genuinely considering the request. “Oh dear, is someone a bit too ticklish?” As intended, Link blushes brightly, quickly turning to hide his face but not before Sidon gets a good look at the red spreading across his freckled cheeks. It’s adorable, and Sidon thinks his heart is going to burst with adoration and affection.

It really is a shame that Mipha beat him to the Zora armour a hundred years ago.

[neowinestainedress]

traitor | lee haechan

title: traitor

pairing: lee haechan x oc/fem reader (no descriptions and no name but written in third person) | mentioned: huang renjun, lee mark, lee jeno, na jaemin

genre: angst, song-fic, friends to lovers to exes | requested and inspired by traitor by olivia rodrigo

warnings: angst, implied past bullying, implied past depression, assumed cheating, gaslighting, break-up, fights

summary: the worst kind of betrayals are the ones that happen unexpectedly and from the ones you love the most. Haechan never gave her a reason to believe he was a traitor. Their relationship never showed signs of cracking. But doing the most for someone you love doesn’t stop them from backstabbing and leaving you behind.

words: 6.450k

a/n: it took me ages but she’s here. there might be some mistakes bc while i was editing tumblr decided to don’t save half of it and i didn’t want to re-read it for the third time. i hope you’ll like it! let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or asks ♡

When somebody cheats, the partner always finds out. No matter how slick they think they’re being, at some point, they know. And the reasons why they don’t confront the other could be different, maybe they’re not sure, maybe they think they would never do something like that, or maybe they think that being hurt is just a tiny little price to pay to keep them. 

The latter was the main reason why she kept her doubts to herself and never found the courage to face Haechan. 

The signs were all there, they started to pile up one after the other, but when they became too much to handle she had to let go. 

“What got you smiling so hard?” She had asked her boyfriend. They were sitting on the couch next to each other, the tv playing a movie they picked previously, but Haechan seemed more concentrated on the phone in his hand than on the movie, or her. No matter all her touches lingering on his body, or her jokes at the actor’s lines. 

He shrugged, lifting a hand to caress her hand that was placed on her thighs, “Nothing, babe,” he replied, locking the phone and tugging it deep into the pocket of his pants. “Jaemin sent a stupid meme in the group chat, you know, the usual.” 

And she hummed, shrugging it off, not paying attention to the hidden signs. The way he didn’t keep the phone in his hand but hid it away, the way his breath shook for a split moment or how his mind still seemed off somewhere away from there. 

At first, it really did seem nothing. Jaemin would always flood up the group chat with stupid messages. And sometimes it happened to her too to get distracted by other things. 

There was nothing strange with it. 

Just like there was nothing strange with the boys’ nights out. She wasn’t jealous, she trusted Haechan, and only thought it was fair for him and his group of friends to go out and have fun. She did the same with her closest friends so it was something common in their relationship, just some healthy alone time with other important people of their lives. 

If only boys’ nights didn’t start happening so often. 

“I just don’t get it,” she said, nervously biting her lips as she walked back and forth in her room while Haechan was sitting on her bed, looking at her with an apologetic look – honestly, she couldn’t even get if there were any apologies behind his brown eyes. “Your boys’ nights out are on Saturday, why do they keep happening on Friday, too?” 

Haechan sighed for the nth time that afternoon, standing up and walking toward her, trying to make her stop from walking around. “I told you, it’s not a boy out only, the guys also have some other friends and we’re just all hanging out.” 

She scoffed, “So they are not even your friends, right?” 

“Well,” he sighed, shrugging, “I don’t know, I know them, we got close with time.” 

She sighed, turning around, throwing her hands up before pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing deeply and loudly again. 

“Okay, what’s wrong, now? Are you going to do this or talk?” He asked, raising the tone of his voice and furrowing in annoyance. 

She gasped, turning around again, “What’s wrong? I just… can’t you say no for just one night, Haechan? It’s literally just one fucking Friday for us.” 

“I thought you didn’t mind me spending time with my friends.” 

“I don’t,” she cursed, “but you are always out with them. And these are friends of your friends while, me,” she said, chuckling bitterly, “last time I checked, I’m your girlfriend.” 

Haechan sighed, wetting his lips as he nodded lightly and walked toward her, gently wrapping a hand around her waist, “You’re right,” he said, caressing her cheek, moving her hair back, “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll tell them I have to pass this time.” 

She wanted to get mad at his use of ‘have to’ as if he was being forced to do that but decided to let it slide. She didn’t like fighting with Haechan, and lately, those stupid bickerings were happing way too frequently. 

“Yeah, fine,” she replied, leaning closer to rest her forehead against him and inhale deeply his scent. “I don’t like looking like a psycho obsessive girlfriend but I… I just miss you so much, lately, I’ve been barely seeing you.” 

“I know, we’ll make it up this weekend,” he smirked before kissing the pain away. “You have to tell me things, though, or I can’t solve them. Promise me you will tell me anything?” 

And she did promise, but the one keeping secrets in the relationship wasn’t her, so it was a bit hard to make things work that way. Especially in the long run. At the start Haechan tried to spend more time with her again, being able to balance the friend life and the love life perfectly, but then excuses started to collect, and most of them didn’t even match what the other boys would tell her. 

“Maybe he fell asleep,” Renjun said, chewing the inside of his cheeks nervously. “You know, he’s a little stressed out lately.” 

She scoffed, “he could’ve told me he couldn’t make it out of the bed. I’ve watched the movie alone after waiting for him outside for like a… like an hour? I didn’t even enjoy it because I had no idea where he was,” she sighed, falling beside him on the couch. “God, I have no idea where he is now.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Jeno tried to reassure her but was too busy looking at a vase on the shelf. He wasn’t even that close with her, he just came along because she called Renjun and he was with him. He had probably seen her three times before. 

“Can you please don’t play with the vase, though, it’s my grandma’s gift, I don’t need more preoccupation now.” 

Renjun glared at him, signalling him to back off, and got back caressing her back while Jeno lifted his hands and backed away. 

“We can go see if he’s at our dorms,” Renjun proposed, “we didn’t sleep there tonight so we don’t know.” 

“Yeah, maybe that would help,” she replied, trying to hold back the sniffles. 

“We’ll call you as soon as we know something,” he reassured, leaving her alone again. But Haechan wasn’t home and he wasn’t even picking up Renjun’s or Jeno’s calls. It looked like he disappeared.  

When two hours passed, she heard a knock on the door and got up immediately, imagining it was him, feeling so many different emotions bubble in her body. 

“Hey,” there he was, Haechan standing there, looking at her with a sorry face, chest panting because he had probably rushed there and a bag in his hand. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Are you okay?” Was the first thing she managed to say. All the anger, the frustration, leaving her body because she was more terrified something had happened to him than the fact he was basically acting like a completely different person. 

“Yeah, I… I’ve been practicing all afternoon and I collapsed on the bed as soon as I got home.” Lie. Well, partially a lie. It wasn’t like she had to know all the truth. Knowing he stayed at the dance room later because he was helping out a new friend wasn’t an important part of the story, right? They just danced. It could’ve been even Jeno, it was just irrelevant. 

She hummed, making room for him to enter the house. The text Renjun had sent her before telling her he wasn’t home completely slipped her mind. “I was worried, I thought something happened, you didn’t answer the phone.” 

“I know, I was too busy to pay attention to it,” he replied. “But I bought McDonald’s,” he cooed, lifting the bag full of food in his hand, “So... can we make it up?” 

“Buying me with food?” She asked, giggling. 

“Well, it’s your favorite hamburger,” he said, pouting and batting his lashes. “Come on, you know I get carried away sometimes, but I really need to be prepared to pass the audition next month.” Haechan hated studying, but it wasn’t like his parents gave him the chance to pursue his dancer career so he had to make it all fit between a university major he couldn’t care about and the hard practice at night to follow his dream. And lately, he just had a special dance partner that gave him more motivation, leading to staying hours past the usual training hours. 

“I know,” she said, kissing him slowly, “but promise me you will try to at least warn me when you’re too tired and can’t make it.” 

“I will. Making you worry is the last thing I want to do.” 

Up to that point, the cracks in the house they had built were already starting to show, small, barely visible, passing unnoticed. But no one of the two was suspecting anything. Haechan truly didn’t want to cheat on her. And she had nothing to worry about. 

But then it happened. 

When her name first slipped out of Haechan’s mouth she didn’t pay much attention, she didn’t even pay attention to the way he was stammering while trying to answer her innocent questions, almost as if he was hiding something. But she simply didn’t see it. There was nothing to see. Haechan was loyal, his charismatic and extrovert personality weren’t signs of being a cheater. Bora and he met at the studio and were partners, she surely wasn’t the first woman that danced with him. And she also seemed pretty dull, at least from the few answers Haechan gave her. 

That was until they met on a Friday night at a restaurant all together to hang out. Bora was tall, fit, an amazing dancer that moved to Seoul to follow her dream, friend with Mark, and dance partner of Haechan and Jeno. A little bit too funny for her liking, too smart, too pretty, just… too much. 

And she was also too close to Haechan. Her hands touching his, her soft smiles curling her lips at any word he said, her irritating chuckles at the unfunniest of his jokes. 

That was why Haechan avoided her questions, because she wouldn’t have liked the answers.  

‘She’s not even that pretty.’  

‘She doesn’t even get my jokes.’

‘Yeah, she needs more practice.’

“Are you okay?” Haechan had asked close to her ear, turning around so he could only look at her. 

“Mh, me?” She asked, shaking her head and zoning in again. 

“Yeah, you,” he chuckled, “you barely spoke all night,” he said, caressing her hand on the table. And that touch, that usually brought her so much comfort, felt weird, almost foreign. 

“I just… I don’t really know what to say,” she smiled fakely, “I know nothing about dance.” She was a history student, the things that got her excited were far different from pirouetting, popping, or whatever they did. 

“We didn’t only talk about that, come on,” he said. 

“No, sure, I…” she stopped, shaking her head. 

Calm down, you are going insane. It’s fine. It’s all in your head. 

“You?” 

“I need more alcohol; can you order it for me?” She asked, changing the topic, making him furrow but then shrug. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

It wasn’t the time and place for a jealous scene, she thought to herself. There was no need to be jealous. Bora just happened to be an amazing dancer and an amazing person and that was it, and so were Haechan’s male friends, she was just like them. 

But the anger and jealousy didn’t calm during the rest of the night out, she couldn’t help but stare at her, and the way she was always facing Haechan, smiling at him, a wicked smile that hid thousands of things she didn’t even want to know, or the way her hand tried to brush against his any chance she got. They were acting as if she wasn’t even there. They were acting as if she wasn’t his girlfriend. 

“Can we go home?” She asked, finally speaking, probably for the first time in an hour when Bora snuggled her face against his shoulder for god knows whatever reason, probably due to a comment Mark made toward her, she wasn’t really listening, just paying attention to their body language. 

They all stopped laughing, looking at her with a confused expression, Haechan included, that swiftly brushed her off and finally paid attention to her, his girlfriend. 

“It’s barely ten?” He pointed out, staring at the watch on his wrist. 

“I know, I’m tired.” 

“Already?” He asked, lowering his tone and moving toward her to shield her conversation from their friends. 

“Yes, I… can we just go? Do you hate spending time with me so much?” 

“What?” He gasped. “Why would you say that?” 

“Why would I say that? You didn’t look at me the whole night,” she snapped, voice getting higher and nostrils flaring.  

“Oh, please, now that’s not true.” 

“You know it is,” she remarked, raising her voice, making him turn around and smile awkwardly at his friends. 

“Okay, let’s not do this right here, right now, okay?” 

“Oh, sure, would never want our friends to know that we fight too,” she snorted bitterly. 

He sighed, “I just think there’s no need to fight, you’re seeing things.” 

“I am what?” 

“Can we seriously don’t do this now?” 

“Can we go home? I simply asked you this.” 

Haechan huffed again, but fighting in front of their friends was the last thing he wanted to do, and also he hoped that she would calm down on the way home, but that didn’t happen. The silence of the car ride back to her place got interrupted as soon as they stepped inside. The main door slammed behind them.

“Who is she?” 

“Who- what do you mean who is she?” 

“For you, who is she for you?” She screamed, throwing her bag on the couch. 

“Oh, god really? Are you seriously doing this? This is your problem?” 

“Yes, because… because she was always on you and you – you looked at her, you looked at her with those eyes, with that look you never look at me like that anymore.” 

Haechan groaned, offended. “What are you insinuating?” 

“It doesn’t look like insinuation to me.” 

“No? You think I’m cheating on you?” 

She sniffled, turning around, not able to stand his gaze. His eyes were looking at her as if she was out of her mind, blaming her for being too emotional, for being the one that was ruining everything for not trusting him.

“You’re crazy.” 

She turned around again at those words, staring at him in disbelief as she felt her heart clench in her chest. She wanted to say something but everything seemed useless. Why was he acting like that? 

“You – you didn’t talk to me all night,” she whispered, voice clapped and eyes starting to get watery.  

“You’ve been acting like a bitch all night,” he snapped, “and now I know why. How can I talk to you when you put a wall between us?” 

“What did you call me?” 

He rolled his eyes, “You know what I meant. It’s not my fault I didn’t talk to you.” 

She fought back tears and lift her head to push them back, finding it hard to bring her attention to him again. “I told you I knew nothing about what you were talking about and you didn’t even make an effort to try to change the topic of the conversation.” 

“Sure, of course now it’s my fault," he chuckled, walking back and forth, “You’re a jealous crazy girlfriend and it’s my fault,” he screamed at her.  

“Fuck you! I never made scenes when we went out together, there’s a reason if it’s weird.” 

“Is there? Or maybe you are just insecure?” He said, voice not loud anymore but full of bitterness, a defiant smirk on his face. 

“Insecure?” She asked, voice trembling and body too. 

“Yeah, she did nothing but be nice and here you are. Maybe you wish you were like a her, not a pain in the ass like you are.” 

She tried to say something but those were the last words she was expecting to come out of his mouth. Why was he defending her so much? Why was he going all the way against his girlfriend for a girl he barely knew? 

“I didn’t say a single bad word about her, I’m talking to you, my boyfriend, about us. This is about us.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you then,” Haechan shrugged, drifting his gaze from her wet eyes.  

She chuckled incredulously, “Maybe sorry would be appreciated?” 

“I’ve got nothing to apologize for. You’ve been bitching all night, you made me come home so soon for this and now I have to apologize?” 

“I just wanted to spend some time with you! If you didn’t start asking me dumb questions we wouldn’t be fighting but maybe right now we were in bed like a fucking normal couple!” 

“Well, then maybe we are not a normal couple.” 

“No, since I see my modern history professor more than I see you.” 

“You know what? I won’t talk to you if you keep blaming it on me,” Haechan said, grabbing his jacket again and walking toward the door. “Call me if you seek some sanity again.” And then the door slammed behind him, leaving her petrified in the middle of her living room with tears streaming down her face, shaking hands and lips and a heart that was breaking more and more. And it was getting too heavy to carry around. 

Two headstrong and proud partners don’t go anywhere. It’s impossible to meet each other in the middle ground if that simply doesn’t exist. 

None of them was going to back up. 

She had done that too many times, crawling, and scratching her knees to fix something he had broken. 

And Haechan knew he was wrong, but the guilt was eating him alive, and so was his pride. 

And just like that, one week passed, with silence, avoided gazes, switched seats in the two classes they had together, lunches at a different table, and no texts or calls on their phones. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Then it came. It arrived unexpectedly, probably for the first time in the five years they were dating. 

Haechan apologized. Standing right behind her at the table of that library that was now her only safe place, with his big green hoodie, snapback covering his guilty brown eyes, and the dirty Converse tapping nervously against the floor. 

 And she wanted to fight back, to put him through half of the pain he put her through but she couldn’t. The possibility of losing him scared her more than now, opening her arms again, would’ve hurt her dignity. If she still had some of it left in her. 

So she stared at him, trying to read his face, that familiar face that now seemed so stranger to her. She wanted to convince herself that it was all in her head. She needed to convince herself of that. But finding some truth, some honesty behind his eyes, and the way his fingers were playing with his backpack, was difficult. 

“I’m sorry if you felt left out, I thought you cared about dancing after all these years with me,” he added, finding the courage to look at her. 

She wanted to say that she didn’t feel left out, they left her out but now wasn’t the time and place for another fight. Surely that was what he meant, Haechan simply wasn’t good with words. So she hummed, trying to stop her lips from shaking and find the right words to say, something that made sense in the mess they were becoming, or probably already were. 

“So… you promise she’s just a friend?” She asked. That was the only thing she needed to be reassured about. The only thought that ran across her mind for the past week. The only fear that made her cry at night while covered in his sweater she tried to cling to the few things she always had of him, feeling that just a blow of wind was going to take him away from her. 

Haechan hummed, “She’s just a friend, you’re just being paranoid,” he said and then walked closer to her, sitting on the empty chair at her side. “Can we please make it up? I haven’t gotten a hug in a week.” 

And she couldn’t do anything but smile, her lips mimicking the way his own turned up and his arms opened to welcome her in. 

She fell into his trap again, not catching the lies, or the way he was shaking and not because he had anxiety to finally confront her but because he had started slipping. 

Because during that week he didn’t miss her that much. Because he had been receiving countless hugs. Because he had spent his afternoons in somebody else’s company. Because they almost kissed and that made him realize he needed to redeem himself. 

And from then on, lies became more and more. All the ‘I love yous’ didn’t feel so genuine anymore, and the hugs were weird, short, and cold. The hours together were boring and he wasn’t looking forward to them in anticipation. 

And maybe there, he realized why he was stuck there. She became a habit. An old one, hard to let go of. They had nothing in common, not anymore at least. 

She felt safe because she was there at his worst. She was there by his side when nobody else wanted to be associated with him. When he was a loser. When people took it out on him and the only arms he could run to were hers. When his brain was tricking him into thinking that life wasn’t worth it anymore. When he couldn’t find a reason to wake up every day, she became the reason. 

But that was five years ago. 

Now Haechan wasn’t that person anymore. He didn’t need shielding. He didn’t need to be protected, and comforted. He didn’t need any more savings. He needed to mirror himself in somebody that was like him with the same passions and needs. Somebody that lived for the things that kept him alive, and she, she wasn’t his reason anymore. 

And since she wasn’t his reason anymore, she started to be pushed into the back of his brain more and more. 

The clock hands ticking weren’t a reminder big enough that he should’ve been at the cinema in twelve minutes and he needed to stop dancing with her and rush home to get changed. And only when his phone started buzzing uncontrollably he realized he was late. 

‘I’m sorry, I can’t make it.’ Another apology, or an excuse, followed by an empty promise. ‘I’ll make it up.’ 

And she swallowed her pride and told him not to worry. His future was important, and he couldn’t waste time. She would’ve supported him and been his number one fan once he finally made it as a professional dancer in his dream company. Because she was when nobody else believed in him and his dream. She would’ve always been her number one fan if only he wanted to. 

But then it happened again, and again. And being so far away from him was harder than expected. 

The morning texts weren’t enough. The classes together weren’t the type of time she wanted to spend with him. And the lunches at their table had shifted since Bora also started to sit with them. 

And she wasn’t dumb. She kept quiet but she knew. She kept quiet to keep him, to hold onto an image of Haechan that now, she was more than sure, wasn’t there anymore. She kept quiet because not only it was painful but also humiliating. 

And humiliation was what was leading her angry steps under the rain. It was past ten, and the cinema board was fading behind her as she hurried to his dance gym. 

One hour past their date. One hour late and no text, no call. Nothing but silence. A silence that was becoming agonizing and too loud, full of his lies and her delusional thoughts. 

And she couldn’t care that the rain was socking her clothes, sticking her hair to her skin and ruining her shoes, she needed to get this over. But hope is the last one to die, and a part of her wanted her doubts to be fake, she truly wanted to be the weird one that was seeing things. She wanted to believe it was just another honest mistake, that he was tired and had forgotten, that if she entered the room Haechan would’ve been alone or with their friends and not with her. 

But it wasn’t like this. He was there with her, laughing carelessly, way too close to each other.

And right there at the moment, she knew that she wasn’t even crossing his mind anymore.  

That flame of hope wasn’t big enough anymore to make her get on her knees and beg. She couldn’t close her eyes and pretend she didn’t know, she didn’t see. She needed to let go. There was nothing to gain from that, their relationship had crumbled apart, the pieces of their story were dripping on the ground like the raindrops were slipping down her coat. 

“It’s not what –” Haechan immediately tried to defend himself when he saw her but she stopped him, lifting her finger in the air. 

“Can we get a moment alone?” If this needed to end like this, if she had to be the one putting an end to them, she wanted it to at least be private. Because she had no idea what she meant to him anymore, but Haechan still meant something to her, what they had, everything they had been through meant something to her. So damn much that the pain she was feeling right there can’t be explained with words. 

When they were alone, under the porch outside of the gym they stood there in silence for a while. 

They both knew what was coming. 

There was no need to paint the grey walls between them blue. It was raining outside just like it was raining in the home they had built in the past years. 

And that was why it was so hard to say something. One guilty of not loving anymore, and the other victim of loving too much. A terrible match that shared too much of each other. A terrible mess that knew the other’s deepest secrets and highest moments. Half a decade passed in front of their eyes as they tried to come up with a way that didn’t hurt like hell to take all that time they shared and throw it in a bin. 

“It’s over,” she whispered, looking at the ground because she was sure his eyes were lighting up, happy he could finally run to Bora without their story holding him back. “We are over,” she repeated, lifting her gaze, almost more to tell it to herself, to be sure she was doing this for real. To remind herself that all her doubts and fears and his twisted games were real.

“I don’t understand, why?” Haechan asked, mixed emotions running in his mind. Why wasn’t he feeling relieved? Why was this weird? What if he still cared? 

She snorted before pressing her lips together to suppress any other sound to come out, the cold was starting to make her shiver but the way he was acting was tiring her more than the long day she had, than the cold and the broken heart. He was faking it, even now, even at their breaking point, he was pretending. Putting on a mask to play the role of someone that wasn’t him, the role of someone that wasn’t the person she used to love. 

“There’s nothing to understand, just like there’s nothing to save,” she answered. What was the point in wasting her breath screaming at him and explaining to him what he did and what he was fully aware he was doing? She had spent months walking through his tangle of lies and shocked faces, falling into traps that now were crystal clear, no more leaves covering the big holes she rolled down into. 

And when no other word came out of his mouth, she took a step back, the rain hitting her again. When his hands didn’t move to stop her, when his feet didn’t try to cancel the distance between them, when his eyes looked into hers and there was nothing in them she used to know. She realized that she had been fooled much more than she imagined. He didn’t want to fix this, he had no reason to want to fix what broke between them because he didn’t want what was between them anymore. He was past the state of mixed feelings, past not knowing where he belonged. He knew it damn well. And the place where he belonged wasn’t her anymore. It was waiting inside in a white room, probably praying for their downfall so she could finally have him. 

And right there the tears mixed with the rain, he couldn’t tell them apart, he couldn’t even swear she was crying, not that it mattered anymore. All this vulnerability, all the things they shared, were gone. So she turned around, hugging her body to shield herself from the cold, her feet almost tripping on each other every two steps as her fogged vision tried to carry herself home. Heart breaking even more when she couldn’t hear footsteps behind her. Haechan wasn’t following her. Haechan wasn’t even waiting outside to at least make sure she wasn’t getting hit by a car driving by. Haechan wasn’t under the porch, he was inside again, with her. 

She wasn’t his reason anymore. But Haechan still was hers. And she had no idea how she was going to cope with that.

Break-up pain is weird. It’s weird when you’re young and you know you have all your life ahead. You know it’s not the end of the world, and yet it feels like it. It feels like all you knew, suddenly doesn’t make sense anymore. It hurts even more when you break up with someone you spent so much life with. When you grew up with them and imagined having them by your side all your life. And it’s even harder to deal with it when you got backstabbed by that person. It’s harder when you dried all their tears, pulled them out of their darkest hours and then suddenly you meant nothing to them. 

Nothing. 

She felt like an appearance in Haechan’s life when after just two weeks he proudly showed Bora around. 

Two weeks were all it took him to get over her and the five years spent together. 

She felt like a forgotten bus ticket in the pocket of a coat hanging in the closet for the whole summer. A piece of paper that gets found, looked at with a confused expression and then gets thrown away. 

But to her Haechan wasn’t an old, faded, ticket. Haechan had been such a big part of her life and she couldn’t understand how he could move on from her so quickly. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t hurting even a bit. 

So this pain was worst. Because it made her feel dumb, it humiliated her, it shamed her for all the things she let him do. All the red flags she chose not to see. All the lies she chose not to listen to. 

And it made her wonder if she was so uninteresting. If they truly had nothing in common anymore. How it was possible to be so easy to be forgotten after everything? And doubts start to form even more, going back in time and questioning when it all went downhill. When everything started being fake. 

But she couldn’t find an answer. 

She couldn’t even find her Haechan anymore. 

Surely that wasn’t the one she had fallen in love with. 

Walking around campus holding Bora’s hand, moving her hair behind her ears, buying her food, dropping her to her classes with the risk of arriving late to his. He even let Bora sit at her place at their table. Slapping it straight into her face how he didn’t care about her. Bringing her around, replacing her so blatantly just to shut her down. 

Probably that also was the biggest pain. Not only she had lost him but she had also lost her friends. Bora took her place in his life, in his friends’ circle, probably soon even at her chair at his parents’ house. 

She had nothing of the old life anymore. The only ones that checked on her were Renjun and Mark, and the only one that still proposed to go out was Renjun. But she still sat alone at an empty table now and picked the farthest seat from him in the few classes they had together, and avoided all the places they used to go together. 

And things weren’t going better for her. If in front of him she faked it, and smiled, and held her head high, in the privacy of her room she would fall apart. She couldn’t point out when the betrayal started, when his words turned into lies that then turned into daggers that made her bleed. And those years felt wasted. Five years she wasn’t going to ever get back. That made her realize that she also couldn’t let him take away more years of her life. He had hurt her, badly, terribly, but she couldn’t give him that power anymore. She needed to let go for real, forget about him, move on, just as fast as he did. 

But she wasn’t Haechan. 

“You’re avoiding me.” 

Their last conversation came three months later, when all of a sudden she heard his voice again and, lifting her gaze from her phone, she saw him. 

“I know we’re over but… you were talking with Renjun and then ran away when I reached you two.” 

She blinked twice, shaking her head to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, or in that case, having a nightmare. But he was real, white t-shirt, blue jeans, honey brown hair moving in the light summer breeze and stranger eyes looking into hers. 

“Do you hate me?” He asked again, so nonchalantly she wanted to throw the glass in his face. 

How could he come here like that? With his head low, tail between his legs, and playing the victim. 

“Are you serious?” She simply asked, too stunned to believe he wasn’t joking. 

“Yeah, I don’t get what I did for you to cut me off like that.”

“You betrayed me,” she said, rising her voice, shaking visibly, feeling her lungs burn. Wasn’t it enough? All the pain he put her through. Why did he need to sink the knife deeper? “I know that you’ll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. Because you don’t care, you, you just don’t care. You never cared about me, not the way I cared for you.” 

She sighed, shaking her head, taking a deep breath because she didn’t want to shed more tears for him, “And I can’t even blame you, I have to blame me for being so, so stupid, and in love. God,” she exhaled, looking back at him. “I wish you had thought this through before I fell in love with you.” 

“I never cheated on you,” he defended, emotionless voice with just a hint of insecurity, a small tremble, at the unexpected way she was talking to him.

“I don’t care,” she said. “In two weeks you were over me. In two weeks you erased a five years relationship. You were terrified of love, it took you one year to ease into me and try to be in a relationship with me, there’s no way you fell in love so soon. You fell in love with her when we were still together. You… you probably did even worse.” 

“No, I would’ve never done that to you.” 

She hummed, hiding a bitter chuckle, “It doesn’t matter…” she whispered. “Nothing matters anymore. Not when I gave you my all, my youth, my support. Not when I was the only one by your side and you pushed me to the sidelines so easily. A kiss is not more painful than this.” 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, voice breaking in his throat as he started to slowly realize that maybe she was right. He did hurt her anyway. Holding himself back from kissing Bora when they were together wasn’t better than the thoughts that crossed his mind or the way he let her go so easily. He had cursed himself many nights for not even being able to talk it through, to end it on a better page, to let her down slowly.

She chuckled, “No, you’re not. I don’t want you to be, I wish you to feel at least half of the pain you put me through. I hope to pop inside your mind when you least expect it, when you sleep with her in our bed, when you let her wear your sweatshirts, when she cooks your favorite breakfast or prepares tea exactly how you like it. Does she know it? Did you tell her about how much you love it with those biscuits that are almost impossible to find? How it has to be green tea and not teabag but only loose leaf?”

Haechan drifted his gaze. She didn’t know. She had no idea what he truly liked. Or how annoying he could be. She didn’t know half of the things she knew about him. And he wondered if she would ever get to know him that much. 

“I will never take you back, Haechan, not even as a friend,” she said, fixing her clothes and staring straight into his eyes. No matter how much pain it still gave her, or how painful the idea of living a life without him was. If he forgot about her so soon, she could do the same. She was going to do the same. She deserved better and she was going to find it. And that wasn’t Haechan, not anymore. 

So she stood up, grabbed her bag, and looked at him one last time, “I guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor.”

ENOUGH FOR YOU (sequel): here

[kaerenebrainrot]

Honkai boys prompt: "My Alexa keeps turning on in the middle of the night. Can you come over?"

OH BOY WE’RE DOING THIS AFTER DISCUSSING IT ON CALL HUH

“Stay right there.”

Kevin texts back that he’s already on his way there, rather than to make you get up while you’re terrified.

He probably has a spare key to your place if he isn’t already just sleeping on the sofa.

He puts you on speaker so he can talk to you while he’s on the road, just so you can hear his voice instead of the damn thing in case it starts talking on its own. Kev asks how work has been, if there’s anything you’ve been up to lately, maybe brings up something mundane. 

In all honesty he also kind of wants to make sure it’s not some new kind of Honkai phenomena, but thankfully it’s just Alexa being her usual possessed self.

Asks if you’d like him to get rid of it. He’s hoping you’ll say yes, so he can turn it into an ice cube.

He’ll stay with you since you likely don’t want to be alone after all this, keeps you pulled against him with his chin resting atop your head. Gently tells you to sleep, and that he’ll keep watch. His pulse is steady so it’ll likely lull you back to your dreams.

“Are you okay?”

Su is kind enough to ask you if you’d like for him to stay over, after asking if you’re alright--That’s gotta be terrifying after all.

He doesn’t take long to get there, and he’s brewing you some chamomile tea and soothing stroking your hair--Does a few of his own little things to ensure nothing is seriously off with that thing considering the nature of some Herrschers.

Nope, just a possessed Dot. Nothing all that surprising, though Mobius’ll likely study the thing like there’s no tomorrow. Best leave it to her, she won’t say no to being woken up at this ungodly hour if it means she gets to have her kicks in research. 

If you have nightmares, he’ll be there to soothe them--One of the perks of being a psychic type MANTIS means he can slip into your head to redirect your dreams towards something more pleasant.

Though if you can’t sleep, he’s happy to stay up with you all night.

“I told you that fucking thing’s cursed.”

Okay he’s sorry (sort of but not with that wording either), stop crying

He’s honestly just going to smash the thing with a hammer if he doesn’t toss it into an incinerator, anything’s burnable if you try hard enough

Is that not enough? Seriously? Look how dead this thing is, not even the Honkai could bring it back.

Ugh, fine--He’s just squatting sitting his ass down next to your bed, tells you to go the hell to sleep. Nothing can get you if he’s here watching you, right? 

“I’ll be right over.”

He’ll pat your head a few times and stroke your hair, promises nothing’s going to hurt you.

Honestly part of him’s wondering if this is just one of Tesla’s failed gadgets or if Einstein was messing around a little too much with AI technology.

Either way those two will be more helpful concerning the thing even if he’s fairly well-versed in engineering, they’re the leading experts after all. He’s already shot them a few texts and pictures so they know what they’re dealing with. 

To show you that nothing’s out of place, he carefully deconstructs Alexa using his powers--It’s not really a difficult task, and that aside--Really hard for the damn thing to keep talking when it’s now screws and bolts.

“Did it tap dance, too?”

Haha sorry you’re terrified, he’ll apologize.

Yeah, of course he can come over. He even has some hot chocolate prepared because you’re a baby, not that he’ll say the latter half of that out loud since you kind of look incredibly scared.

It’s kind of cute, you’re clinging to his sleeve and everything too.

Yes, he’s the type that enjoys watching horror flicks that scare the shit out of you because it means you cling to him in that adorable way. He’s a bully.

“Want to watch something if you can’t sleep?”

Don’t worry, it won’t be horror movies--Probably some cute videos of puppies going up and down the stairs or something like that. Or an old Arahato movie, whatever keeps you from thinking about how possessed Alexa is.

“Right now?”

He is v. tired but he still goes to your place, kind of haphazardly dressed--It’s not that he was in a rush, he was just very lazy about how he put his clothes on. Some of the buttons are out of place, but considering how Lyle is--His being there already speaks volumes.

He’ll probably give the thing to Timido to pulverize later, but for now it’s going in Deset’s old as hell car that doesn’t have bluetooth so it can’t hurt anyone.

“Mmm, you owe me for this. Deset’s definitely gonna kill me for taking his car without asking first.”

Still, he’s staying the night since he’s pretty tired--He expects you to let him cuddle you both for his own benefit but also to comfort you. Definitely the latter part. Mostly. 10%.

[oh-shtars]

Hello flick’s cool alternative blog! Can I christen it with a prompt? Give any random thing you’re excited to explore in your AU

Heeeyy!!!!! ✨✨

You know, I was planning to accompany this ask with doodles but I’m going to have a busy week and most likely won’t get the time. But then I didn’t want to keep you waiting for a while so. DAMMIT-

For now, I’ll answer this with words. But keep an eye out for the RFTS!Drawing Dump I’d be posting here on @oh-shtars. (Friendly reminder to follow this RFTS!Blog if you haven’t already.)

But yeah, some random things I’m excited to explore in the Reach for the Stars!AU! :)

1. Valentino

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. “wtf Flicker-?” Hear me out first.

I did attempt to make Valentino (or ‘Tino’ for short) a lot more endearing than his canon version. And honestly, I grew to like the little guy.

He’s just a 1 month old kid who views Asha as his parent after his actual mother rejected him. (Some animal moms tend to do that.) Once he was bottle-fed and grew stronger, he’s ready to face the world head-first.

No really, he would headbutt anything that bothers him or Asha, regardless of who they are. She even adorably dubbed him her “loyal protector.” Don’t worry, the headbutts don’t hurt as much and the worst they can be is annoying. Tino is impulsive and brave but cares a whole lot about Asha.

He didn’t like Star at first, even when the latter tried to ensure him he’s no threat. Tino disliked him for scaring Asha at their first meeting and over the story, gets a little jealous and bratty that he’s getting a lot closer to her. Like a lot… Idk, I find it funny that their first interaction is something like:

But eventually, Tino grows to like him and comes to become protective and endearing to BOTH of them now. Just imagine this scene, but instead of Canon!Star, Tino was more than ready to charge at Magnifico while RFTS!Asha and Star lunged to stop him:

So yeah. I, Flicker, had gotten to love RFTS!Valentino more than I expected. Not only would he be a little comedic animal sidekick, but he’s going to play a neat role in the final battle and have Asha’s back the entire time, while not letting his size stop him.

Tino’s going to be fun to write :))

………

2. Magnifico’s Character

Remember when I said RFTS!Magnifico is just brimming with unresolved trauma/issues? Well, then he projects all that towards people that don’t deserve it. He’s sour and furious on how the universe turned its back on him as a little kid when he watched his village get destroyed.

And under being raised by his adoptive father, who just never seems to listen to him, Magnifico thirsts for revenge and thinks he deserves to get the world that he and Amaya were denied from. So he would step on other people to get his way.

Another thing about him, is that the moment Magnifico discovered Wishing Stars exist, he genuinely thought they ignored his pleas for help and downright hates it. He unleashes that frustration onto Star and his whole kind.

Frustrations like how people only really care about you for your potential and the things you can offer. Mag had a belief that King Oliver had only took him in just so that he would have an heir for the throne, but didn’t actually loved or cared for him like a son. (Which wasn’t true.) So Magnifico projected that onto Star for the past decade he was caged, stating that:

“You know people only value you for what you could offer…. In your case, it’s your ability to grant wishes. For mine, it’s being a sorcerer AND an heir... But without all that..Well, you can really only imagine…”

So guess where Star’s insecurities came from:

RFTS!Magnifico is going to be an interesting villain, that’s for sure.

……..

3. Asha’s Wish

Asha, before and through the story, has a little habit she does every night before going to sleep. She whispers to the sky her wishes and desires and some of her concerns.

It’s a little thing her father used to do with her before he passed away, and she holds onto it as a memory of him. Tomás used to say that if she does this every night, then she wakes up the next day feeling refreshed and start the morning new. Maybe, just maybe, the stars above would be listening and would try to help.

Present Asha now believes that all those stories were just fairytales but she still hung onto them dearly since it’s one of the remaining things left of her dad. She also has this one wish:

“For everything to go back to the way it was. When dad is still here and that I never drifted away from my 7 friends. To wake up and see that the incident was just a mere dream.”

Welp….I sure hope that one wish doesn’t come back to bite her in the arse anytime soon-

…….

4. The 7 Teens

Somehow, I found a way I could make each of them have a part to play. Each friend that Asha had gotten estranged from ever since the “incident with her dad,” share a bit about themselves and rekindle their relationship with Asha. These short plots would be scattered at certain times throughout the story as Asha and Star encounter them on their journey.

And at the same time, each teen presents a positive trait of theirs that shows a very cautious Star, how not all humans are terrible people. Each show an example of an admirable trait:

Safi - Selflessness and integrity. Helping others even if it inconveniences him (Allergies)

Simon - Protectiveness. He means well but it doesn’t always show up right.

Bazeema - Consideration and kindness for others. (Doing small things to make them comfortable)

Dahlia - Determination + Loyalty

Dario - Patience + Forgiveness (Especially since he’s hard of hearing)

Gabo - Justice and hatred towards prejudice (it’s why he’s grumpy)

Hal - Helpfulness and the happiness received from doing so

Asha - Empathy and Love for others

Basically, these group of friends revive Star’s wonder and slowly help him become more trusting and open. In Star’s eyes, it’s amazing how they do all these incredible things for others even without the need for magic!

Idk, I think all this would be a very sweet thing to brainstorm. Haven’t finished developing this idea yet but I’m loving it so far 💖

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(AoT/Genshin Impact) Mikasa, Shenhe, and Jean being reverse Isekai'd

Honestly, there's not too many reverse isekai in general. I'd KILL for a slice of life anime isekai'ing a Khorne Blood Warrior from Warhammer to Earth.

Mikasa would have NO idea where the she is.

The moment Mikasa sees you, she throws you flat on your ass out of pure battle instinct.

She'd quickly apologize realizing you're not a threat, getting more and more flustered by the second.

(Mikasa) "You're...not an enemy? Sorry about that, everything was just so sudden. Are you hurt?"

She'd be even more flustered if anything was broken during the throw.

After quickly explaining where she is, she'd be very confused, but more worried about her friends.

Mikasa pretty much is glued to your side, reliant on you to tell her what's going on in your world, and how to navigate/function in it.

Luckily she's not too hard to hide in plain sight, other than the fact you have extremely dangerous weapons and equipment in your abode.

But she can't help but look around with pure awe at things like cars, and people just living peacefully in general.

This is what humanity was like before the Titans?

Regardless, she'll be trying her damn hardest to find a way to get home and back into the fight.

Though she can't deny it's nice to finally relax and ponder over her life that's led up to here.

Under no circumstances should you tell Mikasa that you know where she's from, or that you know the fate of her and her friends at the very beginning. The information needs to be told to her slowly, and very carefully.

If you told her you know what happens to her, Eren, and Armin, all hell would break loose as she'd try desperately to change things, and there's no telling what would happen then.

(Mikasa) "I'm here for a reason, even if we don't understand it yet. But until then, I shall be at your side. Thank you, (Y/N)."

Good lord, Shenhe is an absolute handful.

She was already confused by the people in her world, now she had to deal with the people of Earth.

Shenhe just blinks upon arriving in your room.

(Shenhe) "...Hello, did you cause this?"

Her expression doesn't change after you explain the situation.

In fact, she's not that worried.

(Shenhe) "If there is a way here, then there is a way back. There are still many things I have not learned about Tevyat, after all."

Shenhe stands out greatly when you bring her out in public, mostly due to her hair, the red ropes, and how dead inside she looks.

For your safety, do NOT let her speak first, or anyone talk trash about you.

Her homicidal tendencies are VERY much still alive, and after getting to know you, she won't hesitate to demonstrate it.

While touching, you should probably avoid murder, lest you want an entire task force hunting you two down. And they'll lose.

That and she'd blow her cover just speaking completely honestly, making people think she's either insane, or some kind of nerd.

Hopefully the latter.

Despite all the quirks, she becomes more and more emotional with you, even giving smiles on multiple occassions.

As for telling her she's from a video game, don't. It's a lost cause as she won't understand it at all.

(Shenhe) "Although this has been a strange journey, I cannot say it hasn't been worthwhile. After all, I have you to thank for me being able to feel emotions. I think when I'm with you, (Y/N), I feel...content."

Jean jumps upon seeing you after snapping out of her daze.

(Jean) "O-Oh! I apologize for the intrusion, I-I'm not sure where I am."

Jean's face grows pale when you inform her that she's not in Tevyat anymore.

But you're able to ease her fears upon telling her that the other Knights can fill in, but then she grows suspicious of how you know who she is.

Be extremely careful and slow how you tell Jean she's from a video game. Because she will not take that information well that she's not supposed to be real.

The first thing you should do after shattering Jean's reality is take her to a pizza place, and let her order whatever.

She'll need it, and it'll snap her out of the existential crisis you'll put her through.

Jean offers to help however she can in exchange for taking care of her, and she is extremely easy to conceal in the public, and is very good about not letting any signs that she's from a different world through.

Although she wants to get back home to Mondstadt ASAP, she does enjoy the time to relax with you, getting to know the life of a completely different world.

(Jean) "Perhaps this is how the Honorary Knight feels. One day when I finally put my sword down, I can know a life like the one you've given me here, (Y/N). And I am not sure how we'll be able to stay in contact, but...I'd very much like to still talk to you."