#and i can't bring myself to to the stuff i have to OR want to do

[pretzel-box]

Please read.

This is a general post about a small thing that came up two or three times in the past.

It's not that dramatic but I would like to adress it anyways since it's something that's stressing me out when people mention it.

"You take too long to post."

"You didn't wrote my request."

I admit that the pace I started with has dropped and I took more time to actually come up with stuff, despite my writing schedule.

This now is not a try to justify myself or to nag at the people that request but I like to let you know why I haven't posted that much by sharing a glimpse into my personal life:

1. I am german and dyslexic, I take a lot of time to edit my stories, and I write them carefully. I do not have beta readers or anything else that checks my works for spelling errors, wrong grammar, or logic errors. Most of the time, I write a rough draft in german and translate it by myself into english, adding more key elements. I do not use any translation websites or any other tools to help me with that because it mostly changes how I want the sentences to sound.

2. I actually am a human with a private life.

I had to take a break from school due my mental health and dropped out for the year. Now I work a small side job as waitress. I work overtime to make ends meet. Writing is something like a hobby and I do it mostly on trains, busses or waiting in a parking lot when I come up with a draft. Only in the evenings or nights I find the time to sit on my laptop to form it into an actual 1k minimum story.

On top of that, I had a recent breakup and some stress among the family. I don't try to let my personal life affect the way I am on tumblr. But I have to admit that what I write is deeply connected with how I feel. Sunkissed for example was highly inspired by my past relationship. As Above So Below is a story where I deal with my own anxieties. What I write has a small part of me and it's what makes it so special. And I can't be writing all the time because there are more than enough situations where I can't even bring myself to eat three meals a day or do some chores.

3. My laptop and my Ipad are broken. My laptop is currently in repair, all my personal data including saved drafts, stories, ideas, the layout for AASB and personal pictures are GONE. My laptop will return in roughly 2-3 weeks. All I have left is my phone and let me tell you how gruesome it is to write stories on your phone. Especially when it's not a one day issue.

As stated above all my works have a minimum of 1k words. Most stories even reach inbetween 2-4k words and AASB has a minimum of 5k. Usually I write around 11k words a week minimum without requests counting.

4. Yes, I gave myself so much work. I decided to have so many on going projects myself and I work on it. But right now I just don't have the tools or the time to make everyone satisfied.

Thank you all for reading this. I just had to let this out of my head and I apologise for everyone that is unhappy, disappointed or angry at me. It's not something I can change right now and I can only ask you to have patience.

[bluepandadraws-log]

I wanted to say something, and I'm not trying to be rude in any way.

I have autism, and I've known about it for my entire life. People bullied me in school, but they would mostly wonder why I was so annoying. I was never targeted because of my autism, the kids just didn't know any better.

When I hear about people who don't know from the beginning and think something is wrong with them, it breaks my heart. Hearing names called just because of who someone is, and something they can't help, angers me. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I have a family who knows about that stuff and can help me through anything.

My point is, I'm not sure what your story is, but I appreciate you bringing awareness to this, and I can tell how you care. It means a lot to me, and I can only imagine how it does to people who are going or have been through similar experiences.

And if you are going through stuff like this or have been in the past, I'm very sorry, and as a nobody on the internet, I'm rooting for you. 💙

I'm very glad my silly story about and Anxious Autistic jester is connecting to similar experiences! I write from what I know and have been through in the past and present(and most likely future), and the story is low key based on how I'd get mocked and called... bad things, cuz I was "too passionate" about a topic.

Like Pomni, I also don't want anybody to feel like they're nothing,and everyone deserves understanding. I'm sorry you went through that as well. Hopefully, we both can grow stronger!

[byanyan]

finally going through my likes to collect all the asks i've wanted to reply to since fucking april to add them into my drafts

i'm. i'm trying to at least start getting my shit together here. i've felt the strong urge to give writing a shot since yesterday, so. i'm gonna see about potentially doing some tonight? maybe?? still teetering on the edge of falling into Bad Thoughts when i let my mind wander too far, so idk how long the attempt will last or if it'll be successful, but.

[some-pers0n]

How to explain to everyone that I feel a lack of drive and motivation and general apathy to my future because I don't feel generally excited and have a complete lack of interest in anything

[asinglesock]

just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.

[fridayyy-13th]

guess who has a final due tomorrow and has hardly started working on it hahahaha...

[atalana]

having one of those nights where i'm just. extremely frustrated about fatphobia's existence and the fact that whatever i do to try and change it will be a drop in the ocean and there'll always be people who think i'm just saying this because i'm lazy

[wereh0gz]

I will always be in awe of the sheer artistry and craftsmanship that goes into making fursuits

Like before I joined the fandom proper I didn't know just how much work needed to be put into them, and how much of a labor of love they are

Not only that but there's such a variety in styles and creative designs that I find myself appreciating almost every suit I come across. There's so much creativity on display and it's genuinely so inspiring I just can't get enough of seeing them

Fursuits are so cool man

[anaalnathrakhs]

i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[lovelaceisntdead]

Something I need to stop doing is getting excited when a job comes up that is perfect for me but realistically I know I can't do. Just because it's a job I would enjoy doesn't mean I can now magically do a 7 hour shift? Because then I just end up sad and frustrated AGAIN because I get caught up in the what could be and then I remember that my body hates me.

[harrowharkwife]

x

[barkingangelbaby]

hoooo babeeey, I am depressed n annoyed n anxious n I don't want to be any of these things !!!

[buthappysoverrated]

my partner and I are together for almost 600 days??????

[espopstar]

People don't love Rayla enough it's so sad. I'm just everyone's least favorite (guilt tripping you into giving me attention)

[soryualeksi]

In all seriousness for once, any other autists / nd folks out there, prefereably with autist / nd kids? Having any suggestions on how to get my 4-years-old son to tolerate ANY medical examination at all?

Because in theory I would have to do a Covid test on him, but there’s no way I’m getting the swab in his mouth.

Taking a temperature in any way? Refusal. Letting doctors check inside his mouth / ears / eyes? Rarely possibly, with lots of convincing and a lot of time. Basically, he is VERY uncomfortable with all medical examinations and his reaction to things that make him uncomfortable is avoiding (understandable), running away, stiffing his body in some corner, refusing to move at all and eventually screaming himself into a meltdown...

I don’t want to override his bodily autonomy and FORCE him into medical examinations, BUT medical intervention to assure his health are also the one line I draw where I say “In this case I can and WILL override your will if I have to, because it is my responsibility as your parent to keep you save.” It’s the one thing I am, reluctantly, willing to force him into if I have to. But I wish I didn’t HAVE to. Because it’s BAD to override his own autonomy over his body and it makes him feel bad and also I’m scared it will traumatize him in the long run. (It doesn’t happen often, just so I’m not being creepy / callous. It’s actually VERY rare I force him and it’s ALWAYS about serious health issues. Think “can’t breathe because lungs full of infectious slime” that has to be treated.)

So any ideas, any ideas at all, how to get him to, you know, want to “comply” on his own? Because I’m reaching a bit of mental breaking point here from the stress of one kid with Covid and now trying to get the other kid to at least let me take ONE GODDAMN MOUTH SWAB. And for the future, I can’t always have “how the FUCK am I gonna get him to get examined and treated without it being a potentially traumatizing disaster with lots of screaming and crying”.

What would / did help you / your kids / kids you know with getting less uncomfortable and scared of medical procedures? Because it’s a very specific issue and I’m just. Drawing a blank. I guess because I can’t really make out what makes ME tolerate this kind of stuff, but in my case I think it’s because medical stuff is my special interest and I’m weird about it?

I just want to be able to take a temperature or do a goddamn Covid swab from the mouth without everything being horrible.