#and i cant bring myself to do things i used to enjoy

[thatfizzyyyy]

🧍🏾‍♀️

[calamitys-child]

FUCK. I hate having to make adult financial decisions.

[danielnelsen]

i wouldnt go so far as to call the calling a good book necessarily, but it's so much better than the stolen throne and it's actually got an interesting plot & lore, it's very refreshing when im reading them in order

[gibbearish]

i can't take any discourse post seriously if it says "x side is refusing to listen to survivors" because if you can't accept that survivors are not a monolith and may disagree with you in regards to your shared type of trauma then it really begs the question, are YOU actually listening to survivors? or are you only listening to the ones who say what you already thought and disregarding the rest as a) people who are incapable of understanding their own trauma and therefore can't be trusted to make decisions about it for themselves or b) outright fakers?

[wasabikitcat]

Sleep Mode

[el-cucuy]

imma put this here it can be ignored

[charlietheepicwriter7]

Danny and Damien are twins au, but a slightly redeemed vlad makes Danny the CEO of Vlad Co and DALV and all his other shell companies. Danny is danny, he got pushed into this against his will and is very overwhelmed by CEO duties, so he reaches out to one of his father's sons, Timothy Drake-Wayne, for advice

-------------------

So, danny definitely knows his heritage in this au. He was the spare to Damien's heir, and while their relationship was strained by the constant competition, they still love each other, even when Danny started to show more proficiency in infiltration and subterfuge than assassination. Damien and Danny have a huge fight before Danny leaves, with Damien swearing to never forgive Danny for his betrayal, while Danny is like "what betrayal??? I just cant bring myself to kill someone outside of self-defense??"

(One of the things I hate about Danny and Damien Twin AUs is this depiction that, just because (usually) Danny is unwilling to kill, that makes him weak and a traitor. You think the medical staff in the LoA are assassinating people? Or the lawyers? He's not useless, he's just not good as an assassin)

He was sent to the Fentons at like... seven? eight? to study how the Fentons are purifying lazurus waters from Jack and Maddie, both of whom are partly sponsored by the League of Assassins. He's also learning more about spying from Jack, surprisingly, because no one would expect him of being a top tier spy. He has the occasional mission as a child, but it's mostly shadowing Jack to learn how to spy.

Danny sends letters to both Talia and Damien regarding updates on his training and the Fenton's research, but after a year of no reply from Damien, it's only to Talia. He's feels super hurt by this, and abandoned by the LoA, but the Fentons are kind and familial, and Talia visits once a year. She's unwilling to risk visiting more often, lest she risk getting the JL or the Spiders attention, but sometimes she even manages to visit on his birthday!

(Meanwhile, Talia starts sending birthday assassins to kill Damien so she can spend their birthday with Danyal. She's a really hot and cold mom.

Talia: You can choose me, and have a birthday dinner. Or you can choose your father and have a birthday assassin. You're choice. )

When Slade blows up the LoA, Danyal is given permanent orders to remain as Daniel Fenton until Talia, and only Talia, brings him back to the League. No missions and only one letter every six months. But when Ra's comes back to life and the League is back in power, Talia... never tells Danyal. Because she's seen how happy Damien is being a normal child with their father and wants that for Danyal too. Plus, she wants to continue to have a good relationship one of her children, sue her bruce.

So Danny is completely convinced that the League is mostly gone other than his mother, her zealots, and knows that his brother is living with their father. and he's... relieved. His brother is safe, and his mom told him their grandfather was avenged, so Danny can just enjoy his life. Which he does.

He sends out his six month report days before the portal accident.

Canon stuff happens until Danny is sixteen and Vlad, the fruitloop, steps down as CEO and strong-arms Danny into becoming CEO in his place. Jack and Maddie (who at this point know [or have always known in Jack's case, adn Danny didn't appreciate his dad using his his poker face against him like that] about Phantom) are thrilled.

Vlad is using his "foster son" (Dark Danny, but in this idea, he's Dante Masters) as an excuse as to why he's stepping down, since Dante needs all the attention he can give as a "troubled youth". Danny secretly hopes Dante kills Vlad in his sleep, but signs the papers away.

And there's so much work.

Danny has some idea of what he's doing (Vlad co is a tech company and DALV is weapons manufacturing, plus vlad gave him a crash course on CEOing). Sam and Tuck even help! But he wishes there was someone who could understand the pain of being a CEO while still a teen. But... his father's son, his brother, is one such person. And even though the other would never know, he really wanted to get to know his other siblings. So Danny reaches out for advice to Timothy Drake-Wayne.

Tim is immediately on guard when this Damien clone walks into his office claiming to be the new Vlad Co CEO. The clone acts nothing like Damien, but he still thinks this Danny Fenton is a league plant.

His paranoia doubles when Damien freaks out and confesses that A) Danny is apparently his twin brother and B) that he's been with the League of Assassins this whole time. Damien, who really doesn't want to admit that the reason he forced himself to forget his brother was because said brother didn't want to kill people, says "Tch. I didn't want to associate with the likes of him, so I put him out of my mind." Tim now believes that he's dealing with a master assassin with a huge grudge against Damien and Danyal showing no signs of malicious or aggression in their meetings only convinces him that Danyal is a master actor too.

Which, Danyal is a master actor. But all that other stuff is just Tim reaching.

[world-of-aus]

Pairing: Pornstar!Bucky x Pornstar!Reader

Warnings: MINORS DNI (Porn with a substantial amount of plot fingering, P in V, pet names, bucky barnes.)

Author's Note: Installment 4 here we go! So sorry for the delay but writing should be coming more close as I enjoy my spring break! Hope you all enjoy and happy readings Buns!

Tony Stark was always looking for the next best thing to boosts his websites rating. 

“Any of the scenes catching your eye?” 

Bucky looked up from the script titles, eyes meeting his boss, a shake to his head. 

‘Step-sister helps me relax’ 

‘Horny sitter cums clean’ 

‘Caught stepbrother smelling my underwear’ 

Bucky grimaces at that one, “Jesus stark, who the hell wrote these titles?” he says as he slides the page back at his boss. 

Tony laughs as he picks up the paper he laid out for Bucky minutes prior to scan them again himself. His grimace mirrored his stars, he's tossing the page back down on the desk, “they were sent to me by the scripting company,” he answers with a heavy breath, “apparently this is what the people want, this is the sex that’s selling.” 

Bucky’s looking down at the page again, reading through the titles, “stark hubs dabbled in these categories before, but shouldn’t we be bringing something new, something we haven’t filmed before instead of just slapping on a raunchy title to one of our viewers favorites?” 

Tony tilts his head, “that would be ideal, yes – but this is what is selling right now, this is what the viewers want.”  

The brunette shakes his head rubbing at his stubble, “Do you have the list of costars for me this week?” 

Tony goes to answer his question but a knock stops him, both their eyes going to the door. Pepper pops her head in with a warm smile a paper in her hand, “got the list of girls that are available for this week.” She says letting herself in, you following in right after her a warm smile and greeting on your lips, Bucky returns the sentiment. 

“Wonderful,” Tony grins grabbing the page from his wife, looking it over before sliding it to him, “got that list for you right here Barnes.” Bucky gives his boss an unamused look, grabbing the page to scan the names, his eyes finding your name right away looking over your open days. 

“Y/n sit,” Tony offers the seat next to Bucky, “maybe you and Pepper can help us here.” Bucky continues to scan the list of names and days available while Tony explains what they had gone over before you and Pepper had come in. 

Bucky’s placing the list down just as you’re picking up the list of titles, Tony laughs at the grimace that kisses your features, “this came from the scripting company? You question passing the page to Pepper, “are they running out of titles?”  

Peppers reaction is similar to yours, “this is what’s  selling?” Tony nods leaning back in his chair, “unfortunately it is, it’s all the hype right now.” 

“Getting caught smelling your stepsisters underwear though? I mean Im not kink shaming but that cant be that hot.” 

Bucky chuckles next to you, “My thoughts exactly, the only way that title is selling is if the sex that comes after.” 

You nod turning to Pepper, “I guess I’ll do solos and Cams this week, work on my views.” Your boss nods jotting it down already, Bucky turns to your brows furrowed, but Tony asks the question burning his tongue, “not feeling up to working with the guys this week kid, the soldier not do his job last week?” 

You laugh, “the soldier did his job and then some -” 

“So what’s the problem then?” stark jumps in. 

“Aside from the bad titles,” you say pointing to the paper, “m’not really comfortable with the list of costars left to choose from, I’d rather get myself off.” 

“I think I get you off just fine y/n.” it’s out of Buckys mouth before he can stop it. You turn to catch his gaze, “I could take any of those titles and have you coming within the first thirty minutes.” 

Your tongue runs along your cheek, “I know you can, but I’m not trying to step on any toes.” 

The brunettes brows furrow, head tilted in question, “step on toes?” Tony questions drawing your attention away from Bucky. You nod, you hadn’t wanted to bring this up, but from the look on the broad-shouldered brunette sitting next to you, he deserved to know. “Carter approached me in the lockers this morning, said she had Bucky the whole week.” You leave out the part where she said Bucky only filmed with you for the views and now that your ratings were high enough his job of filming with you was done. “She had overheard me and Wanda talking about our plans for this week, I mentioned wanting to work with Bucky, that’s when she approached me to tell me she had you for the week.” 

He licks over his lip, jaw ticking, “So its not that I don’t want to work with you, and have you fuck me silly to one of those raunchy titles,” you say drawing a low whistle from Tony,  but you wanted to make your intentions of working with him still known. “But I assumed you were booked for the week with the way Carter approached me this morning – I’m not trying to make enemies of the girls.” 

“Listen kid,” Tony speaks up drawing your attention, “schedules have to go through me for final approval, Carter can say she has Bucky booked for the week but if it’s not approved by me it ain’t happening, so if you wanna work with him add it to your schedule and I’ll give the final approval, and given the ratings the two of you have been getting it’ll be the first approved.” 

“Give me Friday,” you say gaze finding Bucky’s, “I’d like to start my weekend off with a bang, won’t be a problem – right soldier.” 

Bucky runs his devious tongue over his lower lip, “not a problem at all, I’ll give you something to hold you over till next week.” 

Tony claps his hand, grin on his features, “you sure you just want Friday kid?” Bucky watches you nod your head, “yeah, I really wanna do some solos with some new pieces I purchased last week.” The man raises a brow, “pieces we might get a peek of Friday?” 

“I have the perfect piece.” 

Tony grins, “well its settled you’ll do solos Monday through Thursday film with the soldier Friday.” 

“Thank you Tony.” 

“No problem kid,” he replies watching you and his wife stand the two of you making your exit. He watches you wave at Bucky promising to see him Friday it’s only after the doors closed behind the two of them that Tony turns to his star. “Something tells me you’ll see her before Friday.” 

Bucky shakes his head with a chuckle, “unless she accepts an invitation to join us at the bar when we go during the week I won’t see her till Friday.” 

“Speaking of Friday,” Tony turns the discussion, “how would you feel filming something new.” 

Bucky looks at his boss in question, “you mean something not on the list?” Tony nods, “mobile recorded videos have been a hit lately on other sites, I’m thinking we could dip our toes, try a new category here at stark hub.” 

“What did you have in mind?” the brunette questions. 

“So where do you want me?” 

The kitchen. 

The living room. 

Shower. 

Bucky wanted to take you apart on every inch of his apartment, and the longer he stood here watching you in that set the longer he had time to think maybe going along with starks idea hadn’t been his best. Yes, it had been Starks bright idea to have Bucky film an ‘amateur’ scene with y/n where he had her in his bed to see what the viewers might think about it, but it had been Bucky who offered his actual bed, that probably wasn’t the smartest thought he’s had, amongst all the filthiest. 

“B,’ you laugh softly, “if you want, we can get a set instead, maybe just haul your sheets with us so its mor natural - this is your space I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I’m sure Tony will understand and can set us up.” Your words seem to bring him out of his reverie, his gaze finding yours, “sweetheart,” he chuckles licking over his lower lip, “I am anything but uncomfortable right now, if anything I’m holding myself back from taking you on every surface of my space I want you everywhere.” 

A grin pulls at your lips, “well no one's here to tell us what to do, so why don’t you?” 

The growl ripping from his chest is your only warning as he closes the distance between the two of you, hands going around you as he grips at your under thighs hoisting you in his arms. 

You let out a surprised laugh, your arms hooking around his neck though it’s short-lived as he drops you on his bed, his body covering yours, lips a breath away. “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me soldier?” 

Bucky consumes your laugh with a press of his lips to yours, and a roll.of his hips that has you moaning into his mouth. 

“You feel how happy you’ve made me?” 

You arch up into the press of his hips as you chase his lips, “put it in – please.” 

He groans into your parted lips; stark was really testing his patience with this scene he offered him. “I plan on it, but right now I need you to be a good girl and get yourself real comfortable in my sheets, ass out for me to play with, you think you can do that for me?” 

You’re nodding your head in answer but it’s the soldiers’ time to play. He grips your jaw, “words Eden, you can’t be that cock drunk yet.” 

“Yes sir.” 

He grins planting a kiss on your waiting lips, “good girl, get up there.” You do as he says sliding up the bed, you don’t get far before he stops you with a hand on your hip. “Oh, and Eden keep being a good girl for me and you’ll really be staying the night tonight.” 

His words have your heart racing in your chest, teeth biting back the grin that threatens to break your lips. You're thankful for the pillow and sheets that hide the warmth filling your cheeks, though it does little to quell the butterflies erupting in your stomach. Everything smells like him; you want to drown in it. 

You situate yourself in his sheets curled onto your side, leg hiked high in the sheets leaving your bottom pushed out for him. You burrow yourself into his pillow eyes shutting as if you were really asleep, as if he had really let Eden Ivy stay the night.  

The room is quiet, darker now as he shuts off the light, you can feel him shuffle around his room, but don’t know where he is till you feel the dip of his bed behind you. Behind your closed lids you can see the faint light of the flash from his phone's camera. A true ‘amateur’ film touch. 

His touch comes shortly after and you can’t help the quiet ‘sleepy’ moan that builds in your chest, he shushes you softly, as his hand dancing over the skin of your exposed thigh. His hands feel you up groping you through the flimsy red fabric of your set. It doesn’t conceal the skin beneath it, the set so sheer he can see your the slick gathering between your thighs. 

He cups your pussy drawing another murmured moan from your lips, you shift in your ‘sleep’ and he stills. When you settle again he pulls the ‘wet’ fabric to the side giving the camera a picturesque view of your “petty wet pussy”. A shiver rolls itself down your spine when he slips a digit into your wet awaiting heat, it takes all of you not to ‘wake-up’, you moan instead. He fucks you with the lone digit, pulling it out just enough to stick another alongside the first.  

“So wet Eden, you dirty girl, wonder what you’re dreaming of.” 

You push back into his hand letting your moans build as he fucks his fingers into you, he doesn't let up in the build of your pleasure, sliding a third finger in to stretch you out for his cock. “Gotta get you stretched out for me Eden, gonna fuck this pretty little pussy – make it better than your dreams.” 

The ‘please’ is out of your lips before you can stop yourself, he chuckles body finally finding yours as he presses up against you, his phone still angled at your pussy where he fucks his fingers into you with vigor. “My pretty girl waking up for more, didn’t feed you enough earlier?” he questions. 

His words have you whimpering, he presses a wet kiss to your neck, licking your skin, “don’t worry baby,” he murmurs, “I’ve got you, don’t even have to open your eyes, gonna take real good care of you.” You find you want to open your eyes; you want to see him. You want to look into those cerulean blue eyes gone dark, those all to pink pouty lips parted in pleasure, you wanted to kiss him.  

And you do, your head turning, seeking out his lips, he goes to you easily, lips finding yours tasting you with his tongue.  

“Fuck I gotta get my cock in there, put you right back to sleep sweet girl.” 

His fingers slip from your pussy hand hooking around your thigh as he gets you into position. He slips his grey joggers down just enough to get his hardened cock out. He gets annoyed with his phone trying to find the perfect angle to slide against you, he finds it groan building in his chest as he presses forward, the head of his cock pressing past your drenched folds, his hips roll forward the tip of his cock brushing against your clit. 

The noises you make are music to his ears, he wants more. 

Grabbing hold of his leaking cock he drags it through your slick folds pressing into your warm heat, a moan falling from your lips as he bottoms out, your body pushes back, ass flush against his hips. 

His head meets your shoulder, ragged breaths fanning across your skin, “fuck this pussy is addicting,” he groans feeling you flutter and clench around the length of him. 

He pulls his hips back, cock sliding out from within you till only the tip is left, he slides back in again making sure to get every inch of it. The buildup is slow, as he fucks up into you, he wants to capture every part of the way your pussy takes him, and he lets you know just how well she is. “She takes me so well, always so fucking hungry for it.” 

If you had trouble keeping quiet then, it's almost impossible to quiet your moans now as he fucks into you with vigor, a steady speed which has the sweetest groans of pleasure falling from your lips and his. “Fuck you’re close aren’t you, can feel her clenching for me baby, you wanna cum for me?” He quickens his thrusts, pressing himself deep, your walls fluttering around him as pleasure builds.    

“Soldat,” you whine low in your throat as if you’re being roused from the depths of your sleep. “There she is,” he chuckles picking up speed needing to bring you to that release. It doesn’t take you long to fall apart around him, his cock taking you over the edge, your orgasm washing over you in waves of pleasure. Moan's part your lips, fingers curling around the sheets as he fucks you through your orgasm. Your stage name falls from his lips in a silent prayer, “come for me,” you breathe, “fill me up again.” 

Your words have him falling over the edge with you, his jaw clenching as his orgasm washes over him, his stomach muscles tense, as he spills into you, warm spurts filling your core. “Fuck take it, take my cum Eden.” 

You’d take it all and then some if he let you. 

You groan when he slips his cock from you, the flash on his phone bright as he shines it between your legs capturing the moment his cum slides from your pussy. You moan when he pushes it right back in with his fingers. He stops the video, the light going with it as he tosses his phone somewhere on his bed the hand that wasn’t buried between your thighs cradling your head, bringing you closer to him his lips finding yours in the dark. 

“Does this mean Eden Ivy gets to stay the night?” 

“No, but you do.” 

[paiges-1vur]

welcome to the party… as always enjoy loves <3 (pt. 1/4)

Friday 9:00 pm

I looked at myself in the mirror, my jaw dropping immediate as I turned to my proud best friend. My roommate Riley looked down at me.

“What do you think!” she asked smiling ear to ear.

Despite being somewhat of a girly girl, I never had a good sense of style. (thats where Riley comes in). Tonight when I heard we were going out to the bars I decided to let her get me ready. Turning back to the mirror I saw my long golden brown hair straightened reaching almost past my butt. My hair has always been one of my favorite things about me. She had also done my makeup, and had gone for a soft glam which suited me well. i never looked good with lots of makeup on. If anything i feel more confident without any at all.

“Do you the think the skirt is too much?” Riley says, snapping me back into reality. I scan my outfit. Im wearing the infamous “is this too much for a little bar in jersey..” top and i laugh to myself. Riley paired it with a jean mini skirt. Emphasis on mini.

“I like it” I smile up at her. Despite my smile sees right through me.

“But what” she asks, anticipating my reply.

“Don’t you you think i look like a..” I trail off, “a whore?” Don’t get me wrong i loved the outfit, but being blessed as a C cup and having a good ass on me made me worried about what people would think if they saw me in this outfit. I loved playing volleyball at Uconn, and being one of the shortest players to go D1 at 5”1. It was one of my biggest accomplishments.

Im not one to brag but I do have a pretty good body. I have a toned stomach from hours of being im the gym, and a good ass from weight training with my teammates. I just didnt want anybody to get the wrong idea about me based off of my outfit.

“Ana, dont worry about it. If anyone has something to say about the way you look tonight, then they can talk to me first.” Riley reassured me. Her confidence is something i only wish i could have. I took a deep breath and gave her a hug.

“Thans ry. By the way i love this outfit. 10/10, chefs kiss.” I do a little spin for her showing a full 360 of the outfit.

Riley hypes me up before grabbing my hand and taking me into the kitchen of our small apartment. Its not much, but its nice to live off campus. I watch her grab the fireball from the kitchen counter as she flashes me a smile.

as shes pouring me a shot i secretly pray to not get alcohol poisoning tonight. Tonight was one of the biggest going out days at Uconn, especially because the woman’s basketball team had just won the big east tournament. I wonder if the team would be out at teds tonight.

“Ready?” I get pulled out of my delusion to see Riley handing me the shot. I throw it back and immediately feel the burning in my throat reaching for a caprisun as a chaser.

“Shit its 9:30 already and we cant miss the pre game come on!” Riley grabs me by the hand and rushes us out the door.

____________

“Who’s dorm are we going to again?” I ask basically screaming over the Drake blasting in Rileys car.

“Remember that girl Azzi I had cognitive science with?” She looks at me. “Her and some of her friends are going to Teds tonight too and invited us to pregame with them.”

I feel anxiety wash over me. “But Riley she doesn’t even know me! And you know how i get… I’m not good at socializing or meeting new people.”

“Don’t worry she told me i could bring a friend, and shes exited to meet you and introduce you to her friends. I promise it’ll be fun, they are all nice girls.”

We park next to her building, getting out of the car to walk up to her dorm together.

I fix my hair and bit my lip anxiously waiting for Azzi to answer the door. What am i getting myself into?

__________

[dinogoofy]

Sunshine

Did Reptile's new trailer bring me out of a year long hiatus?

.....noooooooo

Also, fun fact! Reptile was my very first profile picture (I think?)! I think it's time I changed it >:]

Pairing: Syzoth (Reptile) x reader

Warnings: none? Unless you're uncomfortable with Reptile being a shifter

Word count: 354

---

It was a rather sleepy afternoon. The sun was out, the sky was blue, and the shade from Outworld's trees fell perfectly upon the two of you. Syzoth in his full, scaley form is enjoying the last of summer's warmth. His head is laid in your lap, body stretched out as he soaks up the sun while lying on his belly. You stroke his scales, scratching at hard to reach spots as well, earning a deep hum from the reptile in your lap. 

It's certainly a serene, quiet scene, and soon enough, even you start to fall asleep. A sudden snort startles you awake. Syzoth has an eye cracked open at you. He huffs, pouty that you had stopped spoiling him. You roll your eyes. Syzoth rolls over onto his back, and you take the chance to grab him by the snout and tease him a bit.

"I think you're starting to get spoiled. I cant keep giving you scritches forever, you know" You laugh. His expression turns amused as he playfully nips at your fingertips so that you let him go. You do so, and he's already shifted, reaching for your hands again and placing them in his hair. 

"Well, if you'd rather, I'll let you play with my hair instead." He smirks, letting go of your hands. "- although I wouldn't mind if you'd rather use your hands for… other things.

You roll your eyes again, giggling. "Pfft- just get off me!" You playfully shove him off your lap, and he's disappeared immediately.

"-And deprive myself of my favorite heater? No way." You keep your guard up, waiting. And then suddenly he's behind you. He pulls you into his clothed chest and laughs with you as he tugs you backwards. You turn to kiss him, and he tugs you even closer. You curl into each other, and when you separate, you ignore his complaints by tucking your face into the crook of his shoulder and sliding your hand into his hair, the gentle motions pleasing him. The two of you fall asleep right there, and don't wake up till late in the day.

[river13245]

I Don't Beg

Navigation / SPN Masterlist

Warnings: Fighting, being taken, arguing. Lucifer being an ass. OH ALSO best friend Crowley

Crowley who had been one of your close,dare you say friend. So when he had called you very early in the day asking you for help on a case. You couldn't exactly just tell him no. You drop everything you're doing just to go to his place

He knew to call you at a certain time when your boyfriend couldnt hear you. Your boyfriend slept in rather late while you got up at a reasonable time and went to bed after the sun goes down. Unless you had plans throughout the night.

After ending the call you had went to you and your boyfriends shared bedroom and looked at him once more before leaving a note on the door.

Goodevening Darling I had to leave early this morning something had needed my attention Im safe and sound so dont come looking for me Ill be home before tonight. Try not to evil today xoxo ~ yours

-----

When you arrived to where Crowley was he was sitting on his throne. He wasn't the king of hell anymore, but you had managed to let him keep his throne even after your boyfriend took everything from him. You just stole it back and gave it back to him.

what do you need my help with crow?" You used his nickname and he rolled his eyes. "Ive told you to stop calling me that y/n/n" He got up from his throne and walked in front of you with his hands in his pockets.

As you hear his response "yeah well I don't think the Winchester boys enjoy you calling them moose and squirrel. Now do they?" He shrugs and smirks "well you might have a point there"

You both looked at each other for a moment before you broke the silence "Okay what do you need from me. What's the job we need to do" Crowley looks at you for a moment as if he's debating on if he really should bring you into this. However he really did need help. "There's a family of vampires in the next town over, I could take care of those myself really but there's demons all over the place. Those I cant take care of alone"

Sighing you shake your head "Fuck Lucifer is gonna be so pissed" Crowley rolls his eyes placing his hand on your shoulder "yeah yeah your dear old boyfriend will be upset. Never stopped you before, now come on"

----

When you got there you moved quietly trying to find an opening to sneak through so you can go straight to the vampires and deal with them first.

Crowley of course had other plans, he made himself known. He always had to make an entrance but you also know why he did it. It was so you can go undetected because they would be too focused on him.

As you walk into this abandoned facility that was in the middle of no where all you smelt was dust. You had to fight the urge to sneeze, it looked so unclean. Hell they were vampires, they had no class they were ugly creatures.

You make your way through the building until you find one. You knew that if you attacked now that there was a good chance of all of them looking for you but you decide to risk it.

When the vampire wasn't looking you grab both of your knives and jump onto its back. Legs wrapping around him and use your knives to completely cut off his head in one swift move.

It never had time to make a sound except scratch you slightly. That was something you could deal with later. You wipe of the blood from your knives so blood wouldn't trail behind you and give off where you were, you were smarter than to do that rookie mistake.

The next room you walk in there's a group of them all standing around a bit on edge from the demons outside causing a chaos. You had to think strategically so you grab the nearest thing you can throw and throw it across the room. A few of them go towards the sound but some of them come closer to where you are.

You end up slicing ones head off while the other one grabs onto you rather roughly. using your foot you kick high behind you right into the mans balls, you knew how painful getting kicked there is. he loosens his grip on you just enough so you could pull away and cut his head off too.

As you do this the other two vamps run up to you but you were quick and managed to get one. The other however did pin you down to the floor. However as soon as you manage to grab the blade you roll over on top of him as he beings his mouth to your neck. Before he sings his fangs in you cut his head off. "fucking ugly bloodsuckers"

Standing up you brush yourself off and let your guard down for one second before you hear a voice whose you've never heard before. "well that's a bit rude don't you think?" Turning around you see a demon.

"well what can I say im not very fond of vampires or demons. You guys are nothing but pricks" as you say that you go to step forward when something grabs you and presses you against them. When you hear a sarcastic evil laugh you know its another demon. "well thats no way to talk to a demon. Plus you cant hate us all to bad when you are dating THE lucifer"

I let out a laugh and look at the demon in front of me. "well lets just say he won me over. He is a fantastic kisser...I don't see any of you puckering up"

Saying this only made them more frustrated causing the demon behind me place a knife to my throat. "hm you've got a mouth on you. Wonder what Lucifer would react like if we were to cut your tongue out and then send you back to him"

Opening your mouth to say something that would be very stupid you heard someone come into the room and speak. "I wouldn't do that" everyone's head turned. The demon holding you turned the both of you around, the blade still against your neck and there stood your boyfriend. Looking at the others "you see if you would have cut their tongue out and sent them back to me I would have fixed them of course and then I would have found you and what I would do to you is a hell of a lot worse than you could think of"

The demon behind you falters just a moment but its enough that you are able to break free and swing your leg out tripping him and then you use his own blade to cut his head off. The other demon was running up to you who was stopped by lucifer and he instantly killed them with just a flick of his wrists.

Instantly he goes back over to you and looks over you. Clearly pissed even as you place your hands on his shoulders to try to ground him. "what the hell are you doing here?" he asks demandingly "I should have known you couldn't let me go anywhere without you knowing where I am"

He glares at you and before he responds Crowley comes rushing in. "shit y/n are you okay?" Lucifer turns to look at him and without even a second thought lucifer pinned him to the wall and punches him causing him to go flying back.

Running towards Crowley you shield him with your body so if Lucifer wanted to hurt him he would have to hurt you too. Lucifer looked at the both of you. "I should have known he would be the reason that you drop everything and leave to put yourself in danger"

Ignoring him you place your hand on Crowley's face and you keep asking him if he's fine and he leans away from you and stands up. "I'm fine y/n/n now shoo" he had a busted lip and was bleeding but he instantly used his magic to fix it and you were finally able to breathe.

You then stand up and look over at your boyfriend who is standing there glaring daggers at the both of you. Walking up to him you grab his arm. "were leaving"

----

As soon as your heels hit the floor lucifer is off of you and instantly yelling at you. "what the hell were you thinking. You really thought i would buy the whole "I'm safe" thing. Come on you should know be better than that by now"

He was pissing you off, this is how it was between the both of you. there was always something you do that angered him, the littlest things always ticked him off. "Yes because I thought since I'm your boyfriend that you wouldn't need to feel the need to come after me."

"oh come on. I'm Lucifer have you ever heard any stories where I'm anything but the devil. I'm not a nice guy, you knew what you were getting into when you got with me" he says as he glares at you his eyes turning colors but it doesn't intimidate you anymore.

Instead of coming up with another angry retort back you let out a sigh and shake your head. Lucifer looks at you and almost says something to piss you off but stops when you say. "Yeah you're right I did know what I was getting myself into" your voice is quiet but loud enough for him to hear. "maybe I made the wrong decision"

Finally looking up at him you see how he freezes. "what? what do you mean by that?" Tears start to form in your eyes but you take in a deep breath. "what it means is that I'm leaving. I cant keep doing this"

Lucifer looks at you for a moment before responding "cant keep doing what?" At his cluelessness you scoff and grab your bag. "I cant keep doing this. There's always something I do that makes you upset, I'm tired of being yelled at by you. That isn't what I want in a relationship...im tired"

Not giving him a chance to respond "I love you so deeply Lucifer but I cant keep doing this with you." He doesn't say much so you give him one last look before turning and walking to the door of your home.

The same home that you had to beg him to get because he just wanted you to live down in hell with him but he gave in and he even enjoyed this house more than you did. He was a good boyfriend some days. But you couldn't keep arguing all the time anymore.

Your hand is on the door when a hand grips onto your arm and turns you to look at him. He looks....heartbroken? Not really ever having seen this side of him before you yourself are confused.

When you see him start to kneel in front of you as he holds onto your hands you shake your head. "what..no..what are you doing?" you knew he wasn't proposing. He didn't believe in marriage, he had said "people will know your mine we don't need a label on it. You are my partner and that's enough for me" but it still made you nervous because he has never knelt in front of you like this before.

Lucifer looks up at you and in a shaky voice he speaks. "please don't go. I need you and I'm sorry for the way I've acted, I promise ill change." Now realizing what he's doing. He's begging for you back and your shaking your head placing your hands on his face gently.

You didn't need to speak right now all you had to do was focus and you would be able to see into his mind. As you hold his face he nods giving you permission and the memories he had shown you made your heart break.

He showed you the moment when you guys got your house. You had been so happy and instantly kissed him, or when you guys first kissed and he was so gentle. As he let you inside of his mind you seen everything and heard every feeling he felt for you that he struggled showing. However its the last one that finally makes you break.

~~~~

You had been taken by an angel who had been working with a demon and taking them both on had been a struggle but you did well enough that you were still alive. It had been almost three weeks and you know that the reason they kept you alive was because they needed something from Lucifer and the guys. They had fed you just enough to keep you alive but still keeping you weak and tied up. Then one day Lucifer had came and found you. The guys were there too, Crowley and Cas were defending you. You were barely conscious but conscious enough to hear what was being said. "Okay Lucifer you have something we need and we have something you want" one of the demons say before the other one finished "I think its a fair trade don't you think?" Lucifer wasn't having any of this while Cas was just telling him to just hand it over but that wasn't his style. "How about you hand him over to us and I let you go free" At the sound of them potentially gaining their freedom they almost let up. One grabs you by the neck tilting your head back ready to snap it. "hmm as tempting as that sounds I think id rather see you begging for your precious toy back" there is a chuckle in the air that's coming from Lucifer "I'm the devil, I'm not going to beg for anything." At his words you feel your heart break thinking he was just going to let you die to save his reputation but then you see the demons vanish and there stood Sam and Dean and you had passed out"

----

Coming back from the memory you move your hands to his shoulders and you kneel in front of him so you guys are kind of at the same height. Realizing that he was begging for you...not caring about how he looks right now. You place a kiss to his lips and wrap your arms around him. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you, but we have to work on the anger towards me. Ill work on my stuff too"

"of course as long as I have you with me" he says as he kisses you again

[astroyongie]

Why Am I This Way - Psychology Answers

Note: hey guys! This will be a little series post mainly based on psychology. In order for me to congratulate myself for finally achieving my masters in clinical psychology I have decided to create these mini posts that will contain different questions that we often ask ourselves. In these questions I will provide psychological answers in which they will hopefully bring you a sense of understanding on yourself! Enjoy!

Note 2: This first Why Am I This Way will be based on the “How Am I” Section. Other sessions will include “Why do I behave this way?”, “How Others see me”, “What's Happening” and “How can I get better?”

This section will have the following parts: “I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”; “I love to be alone.. am I weird?”; “Why do I procrastinate so much’”; “ Am I really a good person?”; “ I was just joking!”, “Why does it always happen to me?”, “Why do I hate working so much?” and “Should I be more egocentric?” 

With that said, let's dive into it! 

“How Am I” Section

“I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”

What happens in the unconscious brain: 

Based on Freud’s work, these type of questions that overwhelm us are usually thoughts linked with pent up guilt that is unconsciously working its way out

One thing is clear. Often, we don't realize the things that we think and we don't always understand our actions and our behaviors. When we stop to reflect on it, we are usually stuck in a sense of guilt for doing things that are against our values and morals and yet we cannot understand why we have done things that way. 

Based on the most known theories of Freud, the ID and the superego (based on ID, EGO and SUPEREGO Theory) are actually the ones that are behind these guilty feelings of  “should i do this or not, even if i know that i will regret it later”. 

ID is the mind that is first formed when we are born. It is something rigid on our unconscious, something that is based on the principle of pleasure. The ID is constantly seeking gratification and pleasure in order to smooth our anguish within one self.

The superEgo is different, it is the last thing that is formatted in the unconscious (after the Ego) and it works on the principle of the world’s rules. Basically it is a part of us that comprehends the world around us and it tries to follow the rules and the interdictions that were instructed when we were younger. 

Now this is why many of us struggles with this. Having craving desires about something, and that guilty feeling coming from the Superego because we have internalized that what we want is wrong. 

Someone that has had a harsh childhood, who has been neglected or has seen their rules being too strict will often struggle with this, because they need to have their ID smoothed but they cannot bear the guilt. 

This is what happens: ID wants to be fed with something comforting. Chocolate! so it stays in your head “let's have chocolate!” and the superego will whiplash right after “are you crazy? Having chocolate? you cant even fit in your pants and you want chocolate! you should be ashamed of yourself!”

This is basically how overthinking your worth will work, how one often develops Eating disorders for example or bad relationships with food, but this also happens with social relationships, addictions and any reward system. 

The fear of the outside world usually unleashed that overwhelming anxiety that will after turn into guilt if you give in to your ID or it turns into restrictive punishment if you follow the Superego. 

Many of us will put so much effort into controlling impulsive destructive thoughts  and behaviors in order to muffle the critics of Superego but that often results in depression, anxiety and an affinity with other psychological problems. 

So what can we do?

understand where those desires come from. If your ID is making you crave something, either food, social contact, a new dress, a new drink or anything that it is, ask yourself where this feeling comes from? Are you bored? are you sad? are you upset? Are you overly excited? understanding that process and allowing yourself not to be psychorigid is already a big improvement. find balance between rewarding yourself and being true to your rules. Also stop punishing yourself, You have done nothing wrong. You deserve to be happy and smoothed the same way you deserve to go beyond your addictions

Understand in which you fall. If you are the type to crave in in your desires it means these possibilities: Early trauma ou neglect, environmental stressors, maladaptive coping mechanism,, substance abuse, personality disorders, lack of emotional regulation skills and cultural and social influences 

If you fall in the fragil superego, if you are too strict with yourself, it means these possibilities: weak parental influence, traumatic experience, overly harsh and permissive parenting, lack of role model, cultural influence, early childhood experiences like rejection and personality disorders. 

For those who have balance between giving in desires and restraining, then congrats! You are a rather healthy being

Now that you know this, you have a start on where to work to become a better version of yourself 

[thetriplets3]

whispering to each other + searching for the other’s hand in bed like theyre both tired but cant fall asleep (matt or chris x y/n or smt)

❝𝐢’𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰❞

pairing: matt x reader (no defined relationship but mutual pining?)

warnings: brief mention of anxious thoughts, loneliness, depression, vague mention of suicidal wishes

a/n special thanks to @dwntwn-strnlo for editing this you’re the best and shoutout to whoever it was to color code dialogue i took that idea anyways enjoy 🍿

having my 3 best friends away on tour was hard enough but having a rough few weeks physically and mentally on top of that was really hard on me. since i've moved here i haven't really made any friends. parties, events, and crowded loud places aren't my thing which makes it hard to meet people. sure i've met people the odd time the boys dragged me out but i was never able to hold a conversation let alone willingly go up to people. which brings me to now.

the triplets asked if i wanted to come on tour with them but i was in the middle of the semester, the busiest time. so i've spent the past few weeks alone, only leaving when i had to work. it sucks having no one to be able to go do things with, to talk to, and to just be there.

mindlessly clicking through the stories of people i follow, just trying to distract myself from my own thoughts, my screen reveals the faces of the only people i wish i were with right now. my heart aches watching them have the time of their lives being able to explore places they always dreamed of and getting to show their personalities on stage. don't get me wrong i'm beyond happy for them and how successful they’ve become the last few years, but i just wish i were with them. quickly hearting matt’s story of him posing in front of the bean in chicago, i drop my phone beside me and get under my covers, curling up. he seemed so happy being on tour.

i lie there, thoughts wandering, and tears gently flowing as i realize how truly alone i am. my thoughts are disrupted when i feel my bed softly vibrate. lazily rolling over, i grab my phone only to be met with a text from the person i yearned for the most. matt.

heyyy look who’s alive!

where’ve ya been it’s been a while since any of us heard from you?

you doing okay?

unfortunately i've been busy, midterm term time sorry edited

i’m fine

looks like tour’s fun, you look happy

unfortunately? please take time for yourself too you can only do so much if you’re not at your best

you’ll do great on them don’t overwork yourself love

it’s a blast seeing new places, meeting new people, i just wish you were here

shoot i forgot you can see what the other person edited

i was kidding. i’ll try

i wish i was there i miss you but it makes me happy seeing you be successful

we’ll be home before you know it i miss you too

and with that i turn my phone off for the night and bury myself under my covers in a desperate attempt to shut my brain off from thinking things it shouldn't. as the hours passed i tossed more and more not able to fall asleep, stay asleep and get comfortable. peeking at my clock to see the glowing 6:44am, i roll over shoving my face into my pillow and let out an unnecessarily loud groan. seeing no point staying in bed just to not be able to sleep i pad my way to the living room, claiming it my spot for the day. i put on a random season of the office to fill the silence and loneliness that i've sadly become used to. having seen the office far too many times, it's become a comfort background show, making it easy for me to fall asleep.

i accidentally ordered a package to your house from the last time you used my amazon prime to order something. it says it’s been delivered could you just put it aside for me? have a good day

staring at my phone i reread matt's text a few times, my mind still fuzzy and confused thanks to my lack of sleep. finally understanding it after the 5th time, i wrap my blanket around my body and trudge over to the door to pick it up. opening the door and checking the ground for a package i'm met with beat up air forces instead. startled, my head whips just to confirm it's who i thought it was.

matt.

all the loneliness, emptiness, sadness, yearning to see you hit me at once, a wave of tears overcame me as i engulf you in a hug nearly sending you and i to the floor. no words have been spoken, there's no need to. i immediately bury my head into your chest, your one hand coming to cradle my head as the other holds me securely to your body. we stay like this for a few minutes before you slightly pull away grabbing my hands and placing them around your neck, sneaking a quick peck to my cheek as you do so. your hands snake around my waist and gently lift me, bringing both of us into my house. closing the front door we make our way to the living room sitting on the couch turning to face each other.

god i missed you. today was our last day of tour but we were gonna stay there and explore the city for a few days but i couldn’t wait any longer i needed to see you. i was worried about you and couldn't bare the thought of being away for another second.

i missed you more. things haven’t been right since you guys left

like what?

it feels stupid to say out loud but ive felt so alone. like i have no one other than you guys and that makes me feel so pathetic that i rely on you guys so much. i haven't been able to sleep that much my mind just won't shut up i kept thinking about you guys and worrying about something bad happening to you it's stupid i know. heavily sighing i roughly wipe my face drying the tears that i tried so desperately to not let fall.

hey what did we talk about? every thought and feeling is valid they’re not stupid don’t say that.

you stand and offer me your hand and lead me to my room where we crawl into bed. you pull me as close to you as you possibly can. my head on your chest with my arm loosely draped across your body, your cotton shirt carelessly balled up in my hand. your arms wrapped around my torso like your life depended on it. god i missed this

i’m here now okay? everything’s okay, i’m okay, my brothers are okay, nothing happened to us. we’re not going anywhere for a while and when we do your coming with us. and don’t try and say you won’t be able to because of school, you’re coming no matter what. i can’t go that long without you, nothings the same

i won’t put up a fight i don’t want to do this again this was horrible being alone for so long. i missed being in your arms, feeling like nothing bad will ever happen because i have you here

as you place a gentle kiss to the top of my head a comfortable silence falls over us and we bask in this moment of being in each others arms again. my eyes grow heavy but my body is still fighting sleep like it has for the past few weeks

you can sleep now i’m here i’m not going anywhere i promise. i love you so much sweet girl

with the hushed tone of your voice and gentle pecks on my forehead, i feel my body grow heavier with sleep. i blindly reach my hand around searching for yours which you seem to pick up on what i wanted, placing your hand on mine and give it a squeeze once and a while letting me know you're right there.

goodnight sweet girl. i’m right here

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs

(i can’t remember who it was but i saw someone color coded the dialogue and that makes it so much easier to read so shoutout to you if it was you)

[itsyagurlchip]

٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰Funky Thoughts٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰

✰⋆⁺warnings: cussing(!) polyamory(!) heavy angst(!) fluff/comfort(!) gn but masc reader(!) reader is tism and sheep coded (!) panic attack(!) uncontrollable suffocation(!) naked but not sexually (!)

✰⋆⁺Shhh not a vent. I just needed something sad. not a vent..i made a playlist for this btw! Again, for those who haven't read my other oneshot, Lovebug is Fizzaroli and Dizzy is Asmodeus. I wanted to give you guys a taste of what it's like to have hair like mines!! I hope you all enjoy<33

✰⋆⁺ Sometimes you don't feel the best. And that's okay, because your favorite two demons are on the way!

'Maybe you should've just kept your mouth shut.'

I thought to myself.

'They're lucky I'm not mentally unstable. I would've torn their fucking faces off.'

I cried silently as I ripped my suit off, throwing it harshly against the pink carpet. I bleated in anger. or was it sadness? Pure animosity for those ignorant, selfish, egotistical, unprofessional little shits started to cloud my mind.

pressure, pressure, pressure.

I swiped away my tears and stomped to the luxurious bathroom. My hooves made hostile clacks across the tile of the flooring, my puffy tail twitching in agitation.

pressure pressure pressure

I grabbed my essentials, a face towel and a body towel, as well as a few candles. I grab the lighter, but my hands are too shaky to use it. I slam it to the ground as the fluid pours against the smashed glass.

pressure pressure pressure

I looked at myself in the giant mirror. How tired my cheekbones looked, the way my fur desperately begged to be taken care of. But worst of all, was my eyes.

I looked so tired. So hopeless, so broken. Why are you letting them do this to you? You don't have to take this? It's not the only job, you deserve better.

That mask was cracking.

snap!

Something inside of me broke. I just couldn't look away from those sad eyes. Next thing i new, I was sobbing. hard.

I couldn't even conceal my noises, because if i did, I would simply be suffocating myself. My head was pounding, my tears falling faster (pretty sure they made a small puddle, how pathetic).

All the while, I still couldn't look away from those things. Those damned pupils. That thing looking at me in the mirror wasn't me. No, it couldn't be. It was too pitiful. Too weak.

My breathing quickened, my body wasn't listening to my thoughts. As of my brain disconnected from reality, I started to shake. Why cant i breathe?

My head was spinning, all of my hidden problems were choking me straight at the throat. Consciously, i knew I was fine. Yet, my body couldn't help but react in such a way to something as small as thoughts.

Disgusting. How miserable. You cant even hold yourself together. How would Dizzy and Lovebug react?

And as soon as I thought that, I heard the door burst open. A smooth voice to still my shaking, cooling metal to chill my burning skin. I still couldn't breath, and streams were still pooling my eyes.

Now i was being rocked slowly, scratchy humming as well as sniffles in between was bringing me to reality.

Just as my eyes were about to roll to the back of my head, my lungs finally registered my plead to breath. I took in as much air in as i could, sputtering and coughing ever so then.

I was able to see through those dreadful dewdrops, I could finally see the two people who give their love to me. After blinking a few times, I could feel that the tears had reached my skin, and were rapidly drying.

"Are you okay now buggabear?" Asmodeus whispered softly, as if his voice would disturb the silence I've created. Too bad his voice is more of a subduing melody. His eyelights looked down upon me in concern, as well as empathy.

I could only nod sheepishly, which is ironic...

Fizzaroli had his arms fully coiled around my fluff, from chest to waist. His eyes were slightly red, with his head stuffed into my neck.

"Don't scare me like that again!" He glared tearfully. "I couldn't tell if you were gasping for air or choking yourself out." He pouted, despite knowing it was out of your control. I chuckled in self depreciation.

I had only now noticed that Dizzy was in his smaller form, carefully floating his hands over my face. I meekly nodded again, and the softness of him and his love reached my cheeks.

"Oh Froggie..." Dizzy sighed, looking down at Fizzy, picked up the two of us. He looked over towards the tub and the broken lighter- or what used to be of it. Now it was tiny shards covered in chemicals, threatening to stab us if we dared placed our feet upon them.

I seemed to remember that i didn't have any clothes on previous as Asmodeus observed the knocked over candles around the tub rim.

"Would you still like to take a bath? Or is that too much for right now?" He asked, shuffling to balance and step over the shards.

"yes... yes please." I replied. I didn't wanna use my voice much. Lovebug unwrapped himself from me, and sat at the end of the tub. He turned the knobs, mixing and spilling in liquid soap for perfect satisfaction.

The bubbles floated upwards in heart shapes, popping when they reached the warm air above.

"Would you like us to stay?" Asmodeus asked.

As I consented, he lowered me into the tub. My wool instantly started soaking up water, bringing it down a few levels.

Soon enough after untensing a bit, Dizzy took my shoulders from behind and massaged them deeply. I couldn't help but relax and let out a few 'mehs' in delight. His fingers ran through the locs and strands of it all, untangling them to some extent.

Looking over, my heavy soaked wool making it hard to move, I looked over at Lovebug, who had a bottle of coconut and shea butter scented soap.

"Y-you guys do know you really don't have to do this for m-me, right?"I spoke, turning back to the bath wall. I then shiver as i fell a plop of thick liquid being moisturized into my head.

"Of course!/We want to though" They both say at the same time, turning to each other then laughing. The continue to scratch at my scalp and push deeply into my shoulders, forcing my tense muscles to ease up immediately.

"We want to take care of you, especially because you're stressed right now." Asdmodeus starts. "But also being our partner means being an extension of ourselves, we have to tend to ourselves after all?"

"Plus, buggabear, you'll get all stinky and sad- we dont wanna leave you like that!" Fizzaroli jested, poking at the top of your head with gloves. "What kind of partners would we be if we didn't do the the bare minimum of taking care of you?" He finished.

I smiled at my partners' words, chuckling at the 'stinky and sad' part.

Having someone to care for me meant a lot for my healing soul. No one ever, not even in the land of living, has someone ever taken care of me like this. Not even myself.

With such love, such delicacy in a way that didn't make you feel small. These two were the change you really really needed.

You were glad you had some form of escape from those funky thoughts.

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @amorvincitomnia-14 @spongejuice. if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog.

[saintmagx]

✨ Cruel Summer ✨

pairing: Solo Sikoa x reader, Jey Uso x reader (briefly)

AN: Literally making this for myself, so if I do ever end up publishing - enjoy I guess? 🤪

w/c: 1198

⚠️ Warnings: 18+ , swearing, violence (this is the WWE after all) slight smut, infidelity(if you squint), jealous Jey, toxic behaviour, bad/embarrassing writing ⚠️

doesn’t follow a specific timeline however it is more recent, total divas making a return.

✨ I love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard - he looks up grinning like the devil ✨

��� ❃°•°❀°•°❃•❃°•°❀°•°❃•❃°•°❀°•°❃•❃°•°❀°•°❃•

“I dunno Trin, the thought of being recorded for 12 hours of the day, like, I enjoy my privacy”.

“Think about it as an opportunity, having the fans see a different side of you. Showing them how hard you work your ass off.”

Trinity is my best friend, she helped me out so much when I joined the WWE 6 years ago. She and her husband Jon took me into their family and helped me adapt into the crazy world of being a WWE superstar.

“Just think about it is all I’m saying. It’ll be fun” trin says nudging me.

Ever since I moved here, we have had a weekly tradition of Wednesday Girls Night, its just snacks, Chinese takeout, and movies, it’s just time for us to catch up and wind down from the gruelling travel schedule.

Right on queue at exactly 11:30pm Jon walks in the door.

“Times up ladies” he says, which is swiftly followed by two pillows being thrown at his head.

“Come on uce, you know better than to interrupt gIrLs NiGhT”

The couch beside me dipped and once again I felt the heat from the body of Josh Fatu, my one weakness. His hand falls to his side and creeps closer to me caressing the side of my bare thigh. You see what people don’t know is Josh and I have an ‘agreement’ - no feelings, just sex and friendship, and it was going great until it wasn’t, feeling were caught, specifically by me and I’m stuck between a rock and hard place as I’m falling hard for him, but I cant let this agreement end because I would rather have him this way than not have him at all.

“Spoke with Joe today, Hunter is bringing him up to the main roster, can’t wait to have my other younger brother fighting by my side”. A third pillow is thrown at Jon from the direction of Josh.

“We are twins, and you are only older by 8 minutes”.

Never a dull moment where the Fatu boys are concerned.

• ❃°•°❀°•°❃•❃°•°❀°•°❃•❃°•°❀°•°❃•❃°•°❀°•°❃• 

First day of filming (TD Interview Segment)

Okay, so lets start with a basic intro okay? Ready, go!

The room falls silent the light shines bright on me, I have at least 6 pair of eyes on me, goading me into starting. Gosh why did I sign up to do this!!!

Hi there, my names yn, I am currently on the Smackdown roster and I am the current WWE Women’s Champion.

I’ve been with the WWE for 6 years now and I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for my adoptive sister Trinity, she took me under her wing and I’ve been there ever since. As you guys know – and if you didn't know, the accent should be a huge giveaway, I’m originally from the United Kingdom, I came to the states with a dream in hand and no one there to help me through this bumpy ride. I can never repay her or Jon for the way they have accepted and welcomed me into their little dynamic. Although, travelling the world with Jon and Josh is hard work, they boys are chaotic, I don't know how Trin managed to do it herself for so long!

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Friday Night Smackdown, Atlanta Georgia, 8 weeks before Survivor Series

Walking into the arena for Smackdown I get a message from Hunter asking to meet him in his office. A mixture of anxiety and curiosity fill in the pit of my stomach. In his office I’m met with the familiar faces of Jon, Josh, and Joseph, smiling I look over to Hunter who invites me to sit.

“I got your message, what’s up?

“We have been toying with the idea of a cross brand rivalry - for Survivor Series. Now that Joe has come up to the main roster, we think the Usos and Solo v The Judgement Day would pique interest from the WWE universe.”

“So why am I here?”

“Demi is the Women’s World Champion and part of Judgment Day; it would only seem right that she faces the Women’s Champion”.

Without hesitation I accept. Hunter debriefs us on how it’s going to play out over the next few weeks. We will have to be on both RAW and Smackdown over the next few weeks, so looks like it will be me and the brothers travelling together since Trin is exclusive to Smackdown!

Gorilla, few hours later (TD segment)

Tonight, I have a singles match, however Demi has to interfere and cost me the match – thus starting our road to Survivor Series.

I see Hunter in his usual place over at the screens with his headset on talking to Randy Orton, Randy spots me and immediately comes over to me.

“There’s my favourite girl.”

“I wouldn’t let your wife hear you say that Randy”.

Randy Orton, he is exactly how you would imagine him to be, a cocky little shit, flirtatious as hell, a menace but he has a heart of gold. Many nights we would hit the gym together and training with him before his injury really improved my in-ring ability. He is another one I would call my family away from family.

A familiar scent fills my nostrils, Josh. He stands next to me wrapping his arm around me pulling me closer, as if to stake his claim in me.

“I’ve been looking for you, come on let’s go”.

I smile apologetically at Randy, he just waves me off laughing, as much as I say people don’t know anything about me and Josh, it’s not to say there isn’t rumours flying around, people have their own take on it, and that’s okay, we just laugh it off.

Trin and Jon (TD Interview segment)

“You see yn and josh think they are so slick hiding their little late-night rendezvous” says Jon

Trin sighing, “I just wish they would bang their heads together and realise they are meant to be. Think of the double dates we could finally have Jon.”

Jon’s laugh fills the small interview room, “yeah it would be sweet, and yn is already like family, it would be an easy transition.”

Away from the cameras

“What were you talking to Randy about?” Josh quizzes

“Nothing, you came in and ushered me away before I could say anything.”

“Good, I don’t like it when you get attention from other guys, just me, okay?”

“I think you’ll find Josh that I can speak to who I like”. I say frustrated with his behaviour.

You see as much as I love Josh, this, this right here the way he wants to have his cake and eat it too drives me insane. I so much as look at another guy and he is right there to remind me I’m his, yet he can look at and speak to as many girls and I can’t say shit.

“I’ve got a match to get to, I’ll see you later J.”

“Goodluck out there baby girl, not that you need it.” Before he can come any closer to me, I slip out the room and let my frustrated sigh out. How much longer am I going to keep torturing myself.  

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[mysticbewitched]

Hey mystic

I was gonna link an ask from earlier but i cant seem to put links in here for some reason and google is not helping. Its the one about the non-dualism community and how toxic it can be. I just wanted to say I am glad others agree. I wouldn't consider myself a beginner to loa manifesting or shifting. I just think its crazy how someone says things like "just be" and someone asks them to clarify it and they respond by saying something like "do you need help drinking water."

Trends come and go, I'm sure once ND is no longer new someone else will unearth some old spiritual practice and claim its above LOA as well. I just wish everyone would be accepting and encouraging instead of what seems to be condescending because they think they know something no one else does.

Lastly I heard you say on the podcast the person you were gonna do it with is no longer in your life, sorry to hear that. I only bring this up because I believe I saw a post saying you manifested this person into your life and then they changed (I could be wrong though). I also manifested someone back (an ex) but it was a 'manifestation' and all i ended up creating was misery.

You don't have to answer this if the last part is too personal, but if you want send me a message. Just wanted to say I think you have some great views that resonated.

Great podcast btw

I completely agree with you and I'm glad that others are able to see the madness that I'm seeing.

What they usually mean by telling you all, "just be" is they're telling you to realize your true self as awareness. They're telling you to just recognize your divine nature in the present moment and enjoy knowing yourself.

I don't see why they don't just tell you to turn within and recognize your true self as awareness in this present moment without all the riddles.

I agree that everyone here should turn within themselves and listen to their inner guidance instead of relying on the "others" for advice, because then the constant search and craving for more answers will never end. However, at the same time, it's the polite and helpful thing to do to let your readers know exactly what they're looking for while you advise for them to look within themselves for the truth: realizing divine the source of your true self.

If everyone knew what they were looking for, I think they would have an easier time turning within and trusting their inner voice to lead them to answers.

I feel as if the lack of clarification on exactly what to look for is unnecessary and it can come off as mind games instead of just being direct with the readers and telling them all, "you're turning within to realize your true nature. Hint: you are always *aware.*"

I happen to notice from time to time as well that some of these bloggers feel the need to use the whole "words are meaningless" nonsense as a moronic excuse to bully or put down other blogs amongst themselves or with their anons for simply viewing things in a different perspective and I don't think that's cool for anyone to do.

That behavior isn't right. It's just plain mean.

Everyone is entitled to their own perspective and share their own views, but to publicly put down specific blog names for everyone to hear and make fun of them together? Very condescending and cold.

Oh, believe me, I'm waiting for the next spiritual trend to come out of nowhere. I wonder what it's going to be next. Now my curiosity is in flames.

To end things here, I want to thank you so much for your kinds words and the lovely compliment.

Your feedback and appreciation for the podcast means so much to me. I'm so very glad to hear that my perspective of things resonated with you.

Thank you for enjoying my podcast.