Fem. Gojo showing you her domain
You were lying on your bed mindlessly watching videos until you heard a tap on your window. You went in front of it, readying your cursed technique in case it was an enemy. After what happened with toji you were not going to take any more chances. You were very relieved to see it was just your girlfriend. You opened the window and let her come in
"Oh, satori, what are you doing here?"
"What? Can't a girl visit her boyfriend once in a while?"
"I meant why were you outside my window?"
"Your dorm is on the second floor, and I just got back from a training session. No way I'm gonna do all those stairs"
"It's like two flights, and you thought floating was easier?"
"Hey I got my technique I'm gonna use it"
"Whatever, anyway so why did you wanna visit?"
"Oh yeah, I got something super cool to show you"
She smiled brightly and pointed at herself in a dramatic manner
"Guess who just perfected her domain expansion?"
"....For real?"
"For real real, it took training and a lot of mochis to power up but I finally did it"
"That's so cool, tori. domain expansions are the peak of jujutsu, I'm so proud of you"
"Well, of course I'd be able to do it sooner or later, I am the strongest after all but thanks for the praise"
"Don't mention it"
"Soooo are you ready to see it or what?"
"Won't it hurt me?"
"Nah, it's a non lethal domain.......kinda"
"....that's not really reassuring"
"Come on, don't you trust me? It's beautiful to look at, it's gonna be a nice date place"
"*sighs* fine but if I die my ghost will haunt you forever"
"Don't worry, I'll never let anything happen to you"
You were slightly taken aback by her serious tone, but she quickly went back to her silly self as she smiled again, put her hands together, and disappeared, you sighed and waited for a few seconds before she reappeared with an embarrassed expression on her face
"S-sorry, I forgot you can't-"
"It's fine let's just go"
You went outside (using the door this time), and in the courtyard, gojo stood near you and held your hand
"You gotta keep holding my hand. If you don't, then you might be in a coma for a couple of months k?"
".....what?"
"Don't worry, it'll be fine. You can hug me if you're really worried, I certainly wouldn't complain~"
"*sighs* just get on with it"
She smiled again and took off her shades, revealing the blue eyes you loved to stare at, put them in her pockets, and did her domain hand sign with her free hand.
"Domain expansion: infinite void"
Suddenly, black filled your vision as you got transported into her domain, an endless plane of black with white spots, satori's grip on you tightened as she looked back at you
"Soooo what do you think? Pretty nice to look at isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's beautiful, but I guess it was guaranteed that a beautiful girl like you would have a beautiful domain"
"Eh, such a charmer. You're gonna make me blush if you continue"
You sat down, and she did the same. Her hand made its way up your body until it reached your shoulder. She pulled you into a side hug and layed her head on your shoulder
"You know I love you right?"
"Yeah you tell me that every day"
"No, I mean like love, love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me"
"*giggle* really? The great satori gojo loves me this much? I'm honored"
"You should be, but seriously, after geto left, you're the only person I have left. Sure, I have shoko, but to be honest, I don't think she cares that much about me. Even if she did, she can't really understand me.....sometimes I feel so...lonely"
You silently side hugged her back as you saw her blue eyes become slightly lucid while looking around
"I guess it's fitting that my domain is a big empty void cause that's where I feel like I'm in sometimes........"
"Except when I'm with you of course"
You turned to see her smiling brightly and staring at you lovingly
"You're what keeps me going. You're someone that i know will never leave me. i love you so much"
"I love you too"
You two kissed passionately and looked at each other with pure love
"Alright, I think that was enough. If I keep my domain going for longer, I might get tired, I'll undo it now"
She did as she said and put her shades back on
"How about we go out to eat? It's almost dinnertime and there's a really good spot around here"
"Sure if we bring megumi and tsumiki too"
"Uh?..........dammit I forgot about them....do you think they'll be mad at me?"
"*sighs* you're such a mess of a mom, we can buy them some toys on the way home, maybe they'll forgive you then"
"Great idea, you're a life saver babe"
"It's nothing. Let's just go"
She dragged around as you brought the toys and food for your adopted children.
No matter what happened, you would stick by gojo's side, and she would, of course, do the same
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in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!
anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.
and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.
i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.
like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.
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