#and i feel so guilty and bad cause i won't be there to help present a group project and I'll miss even more spanish but i just can't

[spiderrcakezzz]

I present: My Sparklecare self-insert Nea! <3 🧁♡

(Me rambling abt pup utc <33)

Okay firstly: Nea is alright to kin as of now, but please respect my wishes if I choose to change this later on! ♡  I can't make any promises that I'll still feel like this in the future :P

————

🧁 • Nea's likes: stuffed animals, Twyla (their girlfriend), drawing, making OCs, Tiniest Ferry Shop, cute things, receiving attention & praise, physical affection, making others happy, kandi, video games, laughing off negative/hard emotions.

Dislikes: feeling second best/inferior to others, loud noises, being yelled at, seeing those they care about getting hurt, taking care of themself (Nea sometimes considers it a waste of time), stumbling over their words & feeling like they're talking too much, being unable to help.

🌈 • Nea is ⅓ cat, ⅓ cake anthry, and ⅓ dog! :3 (hence why they have 1 dog ear & 1 cat ear, and only half of their body has cat/cake or dog features).

They worked as a nurse at Sparklecare for ~1 year before being demoted to a patient, due to Nea unfortunately getting diagnosed w/ glows-a-lot. Nea wanted to help others when they first applied for the job, and they already had an interest in things like medicine, so becoming a nurse at The Best hospital in CountryTownCountry seemed like a good idea to them.

🐕 • Personality traits (ones not listed in the card) :

Apathetic: due to Nea primarily using apathy as one of their defense mechanisms, they can sometimes not care about what happens around them, including about the people around them.

Nea is sometimes distant or partially emotionally disconnected from others, and unsympathetic to others problems (<- That doesn't mean Nea won't try to help, though. They're still empathetic). This occasional lack of concern for basically everything can also cause them to act self-destructive in one way or another. They'll always feel bad/guilty about it afterwards, though.

Simple-minded: Nea can be naive at times and not really immediately understand things (atleast not as deeply) that others do, causing them to not help but feel sorta out of place. They think pretty literally most of the time, and though this trait has been kinda helpful in solving some of Nea's problems over the years, it can also make Nea seem childish/silly in a way.

🍨• They're on good terms w/ most patients in the hospital! <3  Some patients they're on the best terms w/ is their girlfriend Twyla Light (my partners self-insert :3), Mel N. Colly, Uni, Hemera (for the most part), Jay, Carrie, and Raye N. Bowe (one of my friends self-insert)! ♡♡ (Oh and Nea is also in a qpr w/ nurse Doom atm, but Shh you didn't hear it from me)

The least best terms is Barry. That's It . Nea respects him for his intelligence and such, but Nea would be lying if they said they didn't find Barry kinda annoying. (Pup does sorta(???) like him bcuz Uni likes him, and Nea trusts Uni, but Nea doesn't entirely like Barry on pups own accord :P)

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I am just a random nobody online, but I really want to let you know that you are not alone. Please never think not even unconsciously that you're not enough or deserving to ask for or receive the help you need to receive. You totally are enough and you will receive it too. Maybe it won't be from the people you are interacting with now but don't give up on hopes and on searching for help even somewhere else, and keep asking for it too, even more than once if you think it can be necessary: at times people (even the ones around us the most) cannot really hear our call, so instead of closing off when we feel unheard we can ask again and be even more clear about our needs, maybe wording them differently and giving them (and our fears/anxieties) the right importance like even just saying "I'd really need a hug right now: please, can I get one from you?". Keep voicing your needs with no fear of being judged. Let yourself be vulnerable in front of those you feel like it's okay to. In the end someone will answer and fulfill your needs, even just partially (to start with).

Honestly I am not a doctor or a professional figure in any sense so I cannot really give you answers or proper solutions or prescriptions (these should be done on you specifically), but I hope you can at least feel a bit of comfort and understanding in these words. It's really heavy and painful to go through bad stuff, especially when they seem to keep coming and never stop: the trauma mount that these create really feels too much to bear with, especially if you feel alone fighting against it all and trying to survive to the escalade/dismantling of it; all that can really play with your nerves and cause deep emotional imbalance and stress that shows in your body too, since mind and body are heavily connected. Try to listen to your body when this happens: I think it wants you to find outlets for that huge amount of energy that anxiety and stress may be causing you to store within yourself when you spiral/overthink/overstress (it may be a reason why you may esperience a burning feeling or may even tremble or breathe heavily or even stomachaches or shoulders/back tension: your body is trying to respond to your mind's impulses and give you signs about them/help you let things out/survive).

Idk if you already know of and/or have tried any technique to distract/"ease" yourself when you start spiralling (so to gain again a little control over yourself and to process your anxiety in a different way: eg. *alternate* nose breathing, 5 things focus or walking back and forth in a room alone or in nature, talking to yourself out loud -not inner talking- or singing, yawning/drinking, moving your eyes in the 4 directions -slowly-, hugging/touching your legs/body or anything comfy for as much as you need while you hyperventilate -if you reach that point- until it feels better, journaling, yoga...), but I hope you keep taking care of you as you can, and do anything that helps you to feel less stressed and get the lowest amount of external negative/overwhelming inputs (eg. not staying much online/looking at the news, trying to get away from other's people problems at least for a little; maybe you can try doing other things that can help you relax all your senses as well or focus on another sense instead of eg. sight to "calm" it, like listening to calming music with your eyes closed).

Keep taking as many breaks as you need and go slow. Do not feel guilty for not doing much. Try to not rush anything as the need to get away from/push away something, even a feeling, "asap" will just make it more present/important and everything may get worse (at least in my personal experience it was so, I cannot tell without a doubt about you ofc). It's almost impossible to not do that at times, I know, but with patience and time, and talking with yourself as if you were a scared child reminding yourself you're still safe despite the very overwhelming feeling and finding ways to stay present like touching solid stuff around you/feeling the ground/holding something near your stomach, you'll be able to (again it worked for me, not sure for you as we're all different). I also hope you'll soon find the right people able to really help you as you deserve and that can give you the right suggestions and support. Please, do not give up! I am cheering for you<3

[dr-spectre]

Hey Spectre, got a simple question for ya this time. Did you like either of the story book Sonic games?(I think that's what they were called. I'm talking about 7 Rings and The Black Knight)

Ah.... Sonic and the Secret Rings, and Sonic and the Black Knight huh. THOSE games hmm?

Well, i feel like these two games share the same positives and negatives. Both have really great narratives, presentation, music, art style, etc. But the gameplay is just.... Uh... Not the best the series can offer you know? To say it lightly....

Secret Ring's story is kinda crazy because it's actually about the toxic relationship between Shahra who is the guide of the game, and the villain Erazor Djin (yes that's his name). A Sonic the Hedgehog story actually being about an abusive relationship between two genies and Sonic helps Shahra overcome her troubles and eventually defeat Erazor Djin is crazy to me. I'm not joking around btw. And it's actually done very well and in a subtle way too...

The cutscenes too look phenomenal and hold up very well cause you know, it's just artwork and it looks DAMNNNN GOOD! The ost is just MMMMMM!!!! Look it up if you get the chance, it has a lot of vocal tracks and they are very catchy. Same with Black Knight.

However the gameplay.... oh man... Now look, i played this on the wii and didn't use a regular controller on dolphin. And let me tell ya, by the time the game was done, i was so happy it was over....

Sonic doesn't stop running and you control him by tilting the wii remote... Everything is shaking and tilting and sometimes it just does NOT work! The level design somewhat accommodates for it and you know what, sometimes the game can be.... fun... It's kind of a guilty pleasure for me but that doesn't mean it's a good game gameplay wise, hell naw. It sucks.

The final boss WILL hurt your arms and give you a damn good workout lmao. Also, you have to UNLOCK BETTER CONTROLS VIA AN RPG LEVELLING UP SYSTEM! WHY!?!? WHY DO I GOTTA UNLOCK BETTER TURNING AND EQUIP IT?!?!? If i have to slog through hours upon hours of grinding just to get better controls then I'm sorry, that's a bad game in my eyes tbh. I don't care if it "gets good after 20 hours." You can fuck off with that shit.

However Black Knight on the other hand, that's a pretty good game and i can say that with confidence. The story of Black Knight is even more crazy and surprisingly mature. It's about this clash of ideologies as Sonic believes that everything comes to an end, but it's about living life to the fullest in the time we have, to run head first to our problems and solve them before we die. To have fun and enjoy life before it's over. And the villain is scared of death and wants a world that lasts forever, so that flowers may never wither and that the kingdom the game takes place in won't come to ruin. Sonic can be seen as the bad guy of the story in a certain lens as if he wins, the kingdom WILL die. He even says himself "i don't mind playing the bad guy every once in a while." LIKE THAT IS SOOOOOO FUCKING RAWWW!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!

Sure the story rushed and short but... oh my god the story and fan service is truly amazing idc. It marked the end of an era, the end of the "dark age" of Sonic, before we got games like Colours, Generations, Lost World, Forces, Boom that took such a drastic turn in tone and got rid of the 4Kids cast of voice actors. This was the final time Sonic felt like it truly gave a shit about it's story and was made by people who cared and had something to say.... Well... until Frontiers of course.

Sonic's characterisation is some of the best it has ever been in both games. He's snarky, confident, energetic and cheeky, but he's also gentle, kind and loving. It's so well done.... literally the final line he says "Every world has it's end. I know that's kind of sad but... That's why we gotta live life in the fullest in the time we have. At least, that's what i figure." breaks me into tears every time i hear it... I'm not joking.

Black Knight also has moments where it plays certain themes from previous games when certain characters show up and that shit makes me grin ear to ear and laugh in autistic excitement i tell ya. Hearing It Doesn't Matter before Sonic takes on the final boss is so. DAMN. GOOD!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only other time i can recall getting giddy and excited over a Sonic game is... Frontiers? The first titan boss made me scream. I was screaming and in pure happiness. And the final boss from update 3.... Made me cry dude... But that's a topic for another day. i can go on and on about this blue rat....

Yeah Black Knight is a good game... but.... the gameplay is uh... just okay? It's not bad but it's not great either. I think what really kills the gameplay is that there isn't enough platforming in the levels and a lot of the sword moves kill Sonic's speed which makes the sword combat feel so sluggish and ughhhhh.

Also a big issue between both games that they have a mission system and not standard acts and it kills replayablity for me. If the games got remastered today and had 3 acts and a boss in each area it would be 10x better I'm telling you.

Anyways, yeah, the storybook games are awesome... aside from gameplay. I recommend only playing Black Knight and configuring it on dolphin to tie motion swings to button presses. And putting the pointer controls on the r stick as well.

Don't play Secret Rings unless you are a diehard Sonic fan and are curious to see the game.

[vickyvicarious]

May 24, or: Lucy and the Three Suitors

The first was too straightforward, the second was too jolly, and the last was just right.

...Okay, it's not quite that simple, especially given that Lucy didn't describe Arthur's proposal in detail, but it's still interesting to notice the differences in their proposals and what that reveals about them as characters, or more specifically about their relationship to Lucy. Let's take a glance. (This wound up just being Lucy/Arthur propaganda, basically.)

John 'Jack' Seward

"number One came just before lunch"

"He was very cool outwardly, but was nervous all the same. He had evidently been schooling himself as to all sorts of little things, and remembered them; but he almost managed to sit down on his silk hat, which men don't generally do when they are cool, and then when he wanted to appear at ease he kept playing with a lancet in a way that made me nearly scream."

"He spoke to me, Mina, very straightforwardly. He told me how dear I was to him, though he had known me so little, and what his life would be with me to help and cheer him."

"He was going to tell me how unhappy he would be if I did not care for him, but when he saw me cry he said that he was a brute and would not add to my present trouble. Then he broke off and asked if I could love him in time; and when I shook my head his hands trembled"

"with some hesitation he asked me if I cared already for any one else. He put it very nicely, saying that he did not want to wring my confidence from me, but only to know, because if a woman's heart was free a man might have hope."

"he looked very strong and very grave as he took both my hands in his and said he hoped I would be happy, and that if I ever wanted a friend I must count him one of my best"

Number One obviously practiced for this. He rehearsed it in his head, had a clear script, and only broke away from that when it became very obvious that his straightforward and direct approach was upsetting Lucy. He cut himself off right away once he did notice, to his credit, but still seemed to hold hopes that perhaps this might be just because she doesn't know him well enough yet, or that he might hold out hope for the future. Depending on whether or not you think the suitors all knew they had shared affections for the same girl (I lean towards yes), then the hesitation kind of points towards him hoping it isn't what he already suspects to be true.

He knew he would be extremely nervous and attempted to hide his nerves by carefully and deliberately controlling his actions. But again and again, Lucy saw through him. I think his coming earlier in the day points as well to 'getting it over with', not letting his nerves build up even longer (especially if he knows the others are proposing too and if she says yes he won't get a chance). The way he spoke to her, very directly and clearly, points not only to nerves and trying to stick to things that are simple/difficult to bungle, but also to a more direct approach socially. He's not as comfortable with talking around things, he wants to be clear and direct. This isn't a bad quality but is one that might be difficult for Lucy if he expects the same from other people. She has already made a couple of comments that suggest she has a hard time being honest/direct with her words. If this man doesn't notice her unease until she is literally crying in front of him, he's probably not tuned in enough to be able to get her to admit when something is bothering her.

While he meant only the best, he was unable to easily read her feelings, and unable to hide the depth his own. He left Lucy feeling guilty that she couldn't reciprocate, knowing that by failing to do so she was causing him pain.

Quincey P. Morris

"number Two came after lunch"

"He is such a nice fellow, an American from Texas, and he looks so young and so fresh that it seems almost impossible that he has been to so many places and has had such adventures. [...] I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to make a girl love me. No, I don't,"

"he found out that it amused me to hear him talk American slang, and whenever I was present, and there was no one to be shocked, he said such funny things"

"Mr. Morris sat down beside me and looked as happy and jolly as he could, but I could see all the same that he was very nervous."

"'Miss Lucy, I know I ain't good enough to regulate the fixin's of your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit. Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?'"

"he did look so good-humoured and so jolly that it didn't seem half so hard to refuse him as it did poor Dr. Seward; so I said, as lightly as I could, that I did not know anything of hitching, and that I wasn't broken to harness at all yet. Then he said that he had spoken in a light manner, and he hoped that if he had made a mistake in doing so on so grave, so momentous, an occasion for him, I would forgive him."

"He really did look serious when he was saying it, and I couldn't help feeling a bit serious too"

"before I could say a word he began pouring out a perfect torrent of love-making, laying his very heart and soul at my feet. He looked so earnest over it that I shall never again think that a man must be playful always, and never earnest, because he is merry at times. I suppose he saw something in my face which checked him, for he suddenly stopped, and said with a sort of manly fervour that I could have loved him for if I had been free:—'[...]Tell me, like one good fellow to another, is there any one else that you care for?"

"That quite won me, Mina, for it was brave and sweet of him, and noble, too, to a rival—wasn't it?—and he so sad; so I leant over and kissed him."

"He wrung my hand, and taking up his hat, went straight out of the room without looking back, without a tear or a quiver or a pause; and I am crying like a baby."

Quincey followed right after lunch, right in the middle of the day. Once again, she saw that he looked nervous, but by and large he succeeds too well in hiding his own feelings from Lucy. This is the opposite problem from the last proposal. She notices his charm plenty, but because there is so much of it and because he does it so well, she initially feels that he is less sincere, or at least less vulnerable. Lucy is more moved by Quincey, and thinks he could win her over if she weren't already in love, but she also seems to think his charm is more generally polished and not as specific to her. In reality though, Quincey has been altering his behavior to please her and came with a planned proposal that he thought would make her happy. Once again, it didn't go the way he expected and he had to improvise, but the way he did so was different. He deliberately opened up and let her see how deeply he felt, and then that moved her much more than his lighthearted approach had. But he also noticed her emotions weren't quite matching his, and stopped himself. He noticed sooner, and she again responded to him more, but this was still after he had given his big speech 'before she could say a word', somewhat cutting her off. Once again, the communication isn't quite on a level, although it comes closer.

Quincey is more socially adept but also more likely to hold back his own feelings. He tells stories and jokes to please others. While he's generally more confident, I think the way it takes him so long to bare his emotions also can point to him having difficulty opening up like that. Sure, it was a strategy, but one that speaks to how he usually approaches difficult conversations. He's generally not as comfortable being so direct, at least about his own feelings (of course when he has to face that she doesn't return them, he isn't hesitant/is brave, and once he acts he does so resolutely). He's more similar to Lucy in this way, but maybe too similar, enough that it's hard for both of them to be serious/straightforward with one another. When he got her to take him seriously and it didn't work out, he retreated and she was left feeling guilty once again. Less so than before, I think, as she has more confidence in his ability to handle his own emotions, but that could also just point to her not being able to see him as clearly.

Arthur Holmwood

"Arthur tried twice to make a chance, and I helping him all I could;"

"it was all so confused; it seemed only a moment from his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was kissing me"

"I am very, very happy, and I don't know what I have done to deserve it. I must only try in the future to show that I am not ungrateful to God for all His goodness to me in sending to me such a lover, such a husband, and such a friend."

Less to say here! But let's notice how it contrasts the others. While they had only one successful try, Arthur has taken three attempts to get out his proposal (counting this successful one). This could point to a couple of things - he sees her more often, he's alone with her more frequently but for shorter amounts of time, he's more confident he will be received well, he's having trouble holding his feelings back. I think it's probably a combination of all of the above. They've spent a lot of time together, enough to start rumors. Her mom likes him a lot and wants to spend time with him too, and perhaps thus interrupts them more. Lucy has also been trying to help him make chances, which he's noticed. And lastly, he doesn't even attempt to hide his feelings here.

Earlier, Lucy mentioned that she wasn't sure he loved her back, but it seems like that may be more her doubting herself than him trying to restrain his emotions. Because at least as far as we are told, he doesn't try to control himself at all. He also does not have a speech. Maybe this is down to the earlier failed attempts, and he wants to just get it all out now in a rush. But regardless, in this entry at least Lucy is able to clearly read his interest, and he can clearly read hers in return. Rather than the mistakes made between the others, there is no confusion here. They are both on the same page.

.

Any one of these men could have potentially won Lucy over in different circumstances. They all genuinely love her and they all have good relationships. (I love the way Lucy emphasizes that Arthur is her friend too, as well as the others.) But Lucy/Arthur is the couple we end up with. Partly this is due to pre-existing feelings. But I think timing aside, we also see that there are some communication difficulties with the other two men. Whether it's trouble noticing the other's emotions (Lucy for Quincey, Jack for Lucy), or difficulty communicating the depth of their own feelings (Quincey, Lucy), etc.

The usage of the planned and specific proposal vs. the more spontaneous and confused one illustrates this well. Lucy entries continue to have a focus on the ability to speak freely. Sure, we don't actually hear either of the couple speak directly here, but that actually points to them being so caught up in/openly expressing themselves that it's all just a jumble. There is no long stilted conversation, no one-sided speechifying. They're both involved, both equally caught up in emotion.

Not to get into spoilers, but... I think it's important for Lucy to be with someone who is able to tell how she is feeling, and communicate his own emotions clearly to her. It's a good match for her tendency to downplay or have difficulty expressing herself. While everyone could do well enough, the way the proposals are written set Arthur up as having the best ability to be open/get Lucy to open up as well.

Sure, her mother likes him, and he's rich and titled, but on an interpersonal level I think he is genuinely the best choice for her, not merely a safe one.

[bwoahtastic]

What if a rogue merdom happens across Nico and Val when they are swimming in deeper waters with the guppies? The dom recognises both mersubs, in fact he was horrible to Valtteri (maybe he was the one who told Val that he didn't deserve Jenson) and actually knows Maxys sire. The dom has seen the seaweed nests and pretty Shell collections that Val built whilst flirting with the pack and takes it as a sign that both Nico and Val are trying to have more guppies and he should be the sire!

Nico and Val are absolutely terrified but have to remain calm to protect the lil guppies. Nico realises that Val and Maxy must get back to shore ASAP because they are both highly submissive - Val won't be able to resist a direct dom command and he definitely doesn't want word getting out about about his little guppy (especially not to his former dom who would use Max as a bargaining pawn)! Nico tells Val to get the guppies and flee, an then attacks the dom. He's absolutely vicious and is running on pure adrenaline and protective momma instincts! Jenson comes to his rescue, he realised something was really wrong when he heard Val's distress calls and terrified guppy cries. He fights the dom off and roars that Nico and Val are *his*.

Its absolute chaos when the mers all return to the cove - the pack has heard the commotion and are so worried (especially Toto)! They tend to Nico an Jenson's injuries and poor Val feels so useless, guilty and horrible - even when Nico tells him he has nothing to feel bad about. The mersubs and guppies don't go past the cove for a while and there is always Jenson or an alpha present to help them feel safe. Val stops flirting and becomes withdrawn and timid, often clinging to Jenson , Nico or Toto because he's still so afraid and feels so vulnerable. The pack would do anything to get their happy and flirty mermoomin back!

Oh plss!!

Nico and Val taking the guppies swimming a little further to look at fishies and turtles and tiny little guanyu loves it its his first time out of the cove with momma and second momma! (I think mer would co parent in a pod so everyone is momma and papa hehe)

A big dom mer popping up, he has been observing the pod for a while and saw the seaweed nest and shells Val placed around and he thinks he is in luck, two submissive are looking for a sire and it will be him!

Nico is terrified but knows he is the only option if they want to flee. Sweet Val could never go against a doms word and Nico doesn't want him to have such a rough sire! He tells Val to take the gups and flee and Val is distressed but listens to Nico's command and makes sure all three guppies are close as he swims away as fast as possible.

Nico attacking the much bigger dominant and fighting with all he has to protect his pod abd luckily jenson was close by and hesrd Val cry out in distress trying to herd the guppies and he quickly goes to look for Nico. Jenson roaring thst the submissives are HIS and helping fight the dominant off. Nico's tail is bleeding snd he is shaking and Jenson quickly pulls him close, soothing him and keeping him tucked safely under his arm as they swim back

Val feeling so bad he couldn't help and thst his flirting caused this and he tears down all his hard work! Poor mermoomin being so said and hiding jn the cove with the gups and everyone misses the mer flirting so much 🥺 And they are sad too because they know how much Val wants another guppy!

Val clinging to Nico a lot, and to Jenson, and also to Toto again if he is on land because big fluffy! But he doesn't do his sweet mer flirting anymore or his happy bubble noises and the pack is so ssd🥺

Also eventually Toto taking Val aside and gently telling him he would be honored to sire Val's guppy if Val wants him to and when he is ready! (And I kinda think Nico might have a guppy with Jenson??)

[strixc]

Kinda happy today that I don't have any interactions in this app cause it's brain dump time.

While I'm aware that I have a negative perspective and a tone, this is my true thought process. I have not been happy with the way life has been, nor am I happy with the way I am. Frozen and stuck mentally. Instant gratification and constant distraction from actually living in the present and doing things. It's like I do not want to live anymore. While I do have desires and wishes, I just don't want to pursue them or actually work hard for them. And that guilts me so bad. Sleep in every day, procrastinate and avoid doing my work or do any of my hobbies

Earlier I used to believe that I was not happy with work, and that I'm tired which is why I don't have the will to do anything other than rot in bed. Now rotting in bed also guilt trips me and I'm not in peace no matter what.

When I was a child or a teen, I did not envision myself in a situation where I know I can help myself but I just cannot do it. Earlier I used to believe that maybe I need therapy but now I feel that maybe it won't work on me, no I have not gone to therapy yet which makes this assumption pretty baseless.

I just feel utterly failed, hopeless and guilty. I feel rage towards myself and ashamed too. I don't know what happiness or contentment feels like anymore, they always feel shadowed by the negative ones. I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to live anymore.

[anaisgironcel]

Dear Ex,

Hi, it's been a while. I hope you are well and that things are improving on your side. I'm not here to interfere in your life, that's not my goal. I'm here to apologize for what I said to you, again, but for a much more real and hurtful reason for both of us. I didn't want to apologize but I never wanted to lie to you either except that I felt I had no choice. I realize that you would never lie about such a violent and traumatic past, just as I realize that it took you many years to confide in someone, but I had some doubts, not that I didn't believe you, but I couldn't get my head around the fact that you had experienced all of these terrible things. No one deserves that. But you say you're cured of it so I'm kind of relieved, after all, even though I thought I knew everything about you, you've been more of a stranger to me than anyone else. I didn't know so much about you, so I don't have to judge your past. I lied to get you to let me go even though you held me back so sadly to stay but I couldn't pretend anymore, not pretend to believe you but to believe myself that I had become someone I wasn't when I was with you. You regret loving me, not me. I learned to love by your side and I will never thank you for it, you made me feel more alive than ever at the very moment I thought I wasn't. It was chaotic but at the same time magical. I doubted, yes, and you blamed me, I know that. We don't have the same way of living and seeing things, because while you complained about me doubting you, I said I understood you when you doubted me. Everyone has the right to doubt, no matter what the reason, things end up making us paranoid and the fears grow, I wanted to help you overcome them by taking the time you needed but you were not ready to do that for me, that's what makes the difference. I destroyed you with lies and I'm sorry I hurt you so much but the truth itself would have hurt you. You trusted me with your fears, your wounds, your heart and your body for love, and you decide to regret it, it's your choice, again. You blame yourself for giving me all this by writing it down and I come back to tell myself that you want me to feel guilty and don't worry, I did. I cried a lot, not because of you, but because of this breakup that had destroyed me too, because I loved you to the depths of my soul. You have been sincere from the beginning to the end with me but I have not been sincere for a second by your side becoming someone else to satisfy you. You often insulted me out of anger and God knows how easy it is to hurt me, that's what made me change with you. You are who you are but it's my turn to apologize for not knowing who you really are even after seven years. I thought I knew you and I was wrong. You don't deserve this life with me just like I don't want this life with you anymore. So, the deep feelings I had for you, I put them in a corner of my memory which will not forget but will not suffer either when it will remember what I lived and felt with you. You are both a good and a bad memory but you are my past and you are also the cause of my present which today is filled with things and people who only want me to be good. I am happy but also in love. And yes, I met someone after choosing to live a healthier life and she, yes, she, makes me totally happy. So I'm keeping the promise I made to you, Marine, I won't come back to you because I've figured out how to use my heart without being someone I'm not.

[magicdreemurr17]

Short Story: Mysterious Christmas

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'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the household, the children listened to the stories Toriel told… stories of a man draped in his coat of white and red, who planted gifts under the tree and flew over people's sleeping heads. His beard was said to be as white as snow, and his name almost anyone would know. He brought to the world incredible joy, as he presented many children with their most wanted toys. The stories would always end the same, with old Saint Nicholas flying back the direction he came. As the goat woman's stories came to an end, Frisk would exchange excited glances with all their friends.

"Do you think Santa will come tonight if we wait for him?" they asked with glee.

Toriel sighed with a smile, "You know if you're not asleep by midnight, he won't come down the chimney."

Despite the Christmas spirit in the air, one soul refused to let their merriness be shared. The scrooge who was guilty of their attitude so sour… was Frisk's own sister, Magic, who looked rather dour. She cared not for the Christmas cheer, even though it was a blissful time of the year. Her mind was thoughtless of the concept of gifting, and of the spirit of others to be lifting. It concerned the other monsters in the household, but only one could speak up to her so bold.

"Hey, sourpuss! People say I have an attitude, you won't even join in the celebration!" exclaimed Flowey the flower.

"... Christmas is just another day to me. It's nothing to be celebratory of." Magic replied, as in the dark corner she cowered.

Asgore, being the kind and patient man they knew, decided to speak up to help the older human not feel so blue.

"Perhaps you can help me organize the presents under the tree," he said calmly, "maybe being occupied for a good cause will make you happy."

"Thanks, but I am afraid I'll have to pass." said the grouchy human as she turned away from the living room, "Once Christmas is over, this cheer will barely last."

She made her way to the stairs and up to her room, slamming the door shut as her friends exchanged faces filled with gloom. She stood against her door, sorrow choking at her breaths of life. She couldn't be happy when Christmas reminded her of her old misery and strife. The years she spent out on a holiday, cold and alone. No friends or family around, not even a place to call home… but things were meant to be different now, why couldn't she be happy? Was it truly her lot in life to feel nothing but misery..?

Just then at her door, she heard a quiet knock. She didn't know why someone would, not when the door was unlocked.

"Who's there..?" she replied with a frown.

"boo…" the other person kept his voice down.

"Boo who?" she realized the joke that was made, but didn't put up a fight.

"no need for you to feel sad, kiddo…" said the iconic voice of Sans, "especially not tonight."

"Sans, that joke was your worst one yet. Do you ever run out of bad puns to tell..?" she responded as she turned to open the door, completely dismissing it was she who, into his trap, fell.

"well, it got a grin out of you, didn't it, bud?" he returned the grin as she covered her mouth in embarrassment. The joke did get her, the smile was not a faker nor a dud.

"So what if you got me to smile?" she responded defensively, hoping he would just walk away from the situation.

"did you really think i'd leave ya up here all alone on christmas eve for a while?" he replied, not wanting to leave a friend in isolation.

The older human's smile careened and fell upside down. He was justified in coming to check on her, as she was probably the only miserable soul in town.

"for someone named Magic, i'd thought you'd be into this sort of thing." he commented as he scratched his skull.

The older human sighed in defeat, "I never had a proper Christmas in my childhood. I can't pretend to be happy in front of Frisk when the magic died long before I knew about it. Now everything is just boring and dull."

Sans thought to himself as he looked in her eyes. There was more to the sadness behind them, something hiding beneath those past ties. If they could find some way to ignite her Christmas cheer, perhaps then things could be better for her this year.

"you just hang tight, kiddo. things'll get better… until then, you gotta chill out." he winked with a broad smile.

She let out an undignified snort, covering her mouth as Papyrus shouted from downstairs, "NO MORE BAD PUNS OUT OF YOU FOR A WHILE!"

As Sans left her to her own thoughts, who should be next to approach from the stairs but her younger sibling with some hot chocolate they brought. As to their older sister they walked up, they held out to her one of those cups.

"I thought you'd like some hot chocolate to make your day brighter." they said with a small smile.

Magic returned it and took the cup graciously. Frisk always had a good influence on her, but most importantly they could keep her happy for a while. The two siblings sat together on the edge of her bed, the thought of what tomorrow's holiday would bring dancing in their heads. Everyone was happy and on the surface, living free. What more could they possibly need?

"Hey, do you wanna go for a walk?" The older sibling suggests, with little Frisk nodding at their sister's behest. Some fresh air might do them good. It might even put her in a better mood.

They grabbed their scarves and gloves before heading out, neglecting to give their friends a holler or a shout. The two trailed across their cozy little town, as everyone's lights dimmed and the families settled down. The night of Christmas Eve was upon them now, and they were preparing for Santa's arrival to town.

Magic didn't seem to understand, "What good is believing if you've never met them before..?"

Frisk looked up at her and signed, "Everyone's gotta have something to believe in, or what use is there in hope anymore?"

"Hmm…" she hummed in acknowledgement as they walked up the mountain trail, the very same path which started their life's tale.

They walked up to the entrance of which they left the Underground, to admire the view of the winter landscape all around. It was such a calming sight to see, even Magic's heart was put at ease.

"This really was a good idea," she said with a sigh and a smile, "I know I've been acting like a bit of a scrooge for a while."

"There's nothing wrong with how you feel," little Frisk told her, "your Christmas just never felt this real."

The more she pondered it, she realized her sibling's words rang true. She was not alone anymore, she had them and a real family too. Toriel, Papyrus, Asgore… even Sans, Undyne, Alphys and more! Just as she felt her hope lifting so high, a small jingle turned their faces towards the sky. A coat of red and white caught their eyes, as a single figure flew through the skies. The sleigh they towed was pulled by a Gyftrot, and on the back of it, many presents they had brought. The siblings' eyes gently glistened, as they gasped at the figure in recognition. Despite being unable to see their face, they knew that it was Santa flying over their place. As a magic glow filled the town of Ebott, the humans observed their work so quiet.

As the presents vanished from the sled and into their homes, Magic felt comforted knowing she wasn't witnessing this miracle alone… and as the sleigh disappeared into the depths of the night, they heard a quiet voice tell them, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all, I hope no overwrite."

…

…

…

"That's it? That's how your stupid story ends?" asked Genocide in complete disappointment.

"It isn't my story! Gaster gave me the book to read to you and Red!" Pacifist exclaimed.

"But if you didn't write it, then who? And what the hell was that goodbye they wrote at the end? 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all, I hope no overwrite'? What kind of nonsense is that!?"

"Quit being rude. I thought it was a nice story," Red growled in Pacifist's defense, "and I like when Pacifist reads stories. She knows how to make it feel real!"

Pacifist stayed quiet, pondering over the book's contents silently.

"Pacifist..?" Red looked up at her anomaly friend expectantly, waiting for a response.

"It's just odd… This story… It would never actually happen…" she commented, "I mean… for one thing, Magic doesn't hate Christmas at all. She loves the winter season in general, so whoever wrote this clearly doesn't know her personally… Or they wrote it like that on purpose."

"Why would someone write a lame Christmas story that didn't make sense? Who did Gaster get that book from?" Genocide asked.

Pacifist read over the last few words again, the word overwrite creeping in her thoughts obsessively, like she knew what it meant on the edge of her mind, but couldn't figure it out, "I don't know… All he said was that he got it from someone who's quite familiar with the Underground but nobody is familiar with them…"

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Author's Note: Merry Xmas, everyone! I wanted to write a short story as a Christmas present to all my dedicated L.I.T.E readers who have been patiently waiting for the next chapter to come out. Thank you for your support on the story. Also, FYI to the readers who wanna make theories on the hidden messages to this story, while most of it is not canon, the last part is a bit misleading. You might think you know who gave Gaster that "book", but it's not him.

[delusion-of-negation]

1 Yes, thank u for understanding! I have an example of Neg-Pos: I was explaining I was having some bad days and was just dealing w/ it, after someone asked in a server why I was so quiet. Someone started sending a bunch of "Tomorrow is another day to try!" "You've made it this far, you can do it!" with those "cute" animals with pastel backgrounds, it honestly made me feel worse, esp since I don't know how to react. It feels awkward and like I have to force a "smile" so they finally stop. A

2 personal example of Tox-pos was me just wanting to do nothing, and someone tried to "cheer me up" and when I didn't react as they wanted, they basically guilt tripped me and continued pushing. I tried to pretend I was "better" but they didn't stop, and it lead to me just having a worse time after because I felt actually guilty on top of my already existing issue. I wish people would realise we all have different ways to deal with our lives, and some times it's not rainbow and sparkle

(my tumblr is playing up, the above is the second part of the ask)

prev ask

yeah, I definitely feel those vibes when people send all that "you can try again tomorrow!" stuff, when it's just like... yeah, no shit, that was the plan for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the- and guess what, I'm probably gonna fail at all those too. and now I just feel worse. if that makes sense? that's how it makes me feel anyway. it's just a reminder that time will keep ticking on, and I'll keep getting sicker, and it'll keep getting harder to do each day. it normally causes that. not always. when it's presented right, when it's funny or something, then it can either be somewhat uplifting or funny enough for that to not matter, or it can have a good nugget of advice nestled in there in a different way (like that tiktok I shared earlier about how some days just fucking suck and you shouldn't always try to make them good days, you can just go home and chill, that part spoke to me even if the "try again tomorrow" part didn't feel like my cup of tea). it's especially awkward in social situations, where telling people to stop is met with anything from bitterness to anger to demands that you justify why it's uncomfy to you - like that person I mentioned, and not being explicit means they can keep projecting their stuff onto it and assuming it's depression or something. it's exhausting to navigate that awkwardness. I always try to be careful with how I word reassurances to people, that I'm building off whatever they said and trying to work within any comfort levels they have and providing outs - I rolled a cigarette before talking to a celebrity-ish person I met recently, so I could say "I do need this soon" and they'd know they could say "I won't keep you" and I'd leave, if they didn't wanna keep talking, and they did want to keep talking and we kept talking, but I feel like doing little things like that, so that people can always kick you out of a conversation or change your direction without feeling like it's going to be taken badly, was one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard (specifically to always give people a polite out, with a non-urgent activity you could be doing right now, so you're not saying something that's like "I have to go now", but they also can politely let you leave at any point with no pressure, and the same applies to a specific topic or direction of conversation, and a lot of people sort of subconsciously do it, that's why "well, I won't keep you!" is such a common phrase, but hearing it spelled out like that helped me do it right). now when I'm talking to people, I know they want to be there because they've had zero pressure opportunities to exit the conversation. sorry that got a bit off topic, but I'm just providing an alternative to the high pressure situation of having to ask someone to tone down some kind of unhelpful "positivity" attempt, hoping people will listen to it.

the toxic positivity, while a varied term that gets used a lot online, that you described here is something I've experienced a lot, or all sorts of events like that (like the person I previously mentioned), and it's really stressful. especially the part where they don't stop or they demand detailed reasons for why they should or whatever, and you have to navigate this weird social situation with somebody who's upsetting you, when you already felt awful to begin with. I also wish people knew what you said, and that people knew that sometimes you don't wanna share the personal details of why the thing is hurting you, or how you feel rn, or what's wrong with you, you just want them to take you at your word and drop the topic.

[enthusiasticarsonist]

rant incoming everyone ignore me ✌

[bookwyrminspiration]

For your consideration: what if Jensi is reintroduced into the series as part of the Neverseen

Oo you know, I don't have a lot to base this off of becuase of how seldom we see him in canon (though there is reason to suspect that'll change soon), but I'm intrigued by this! I'll put my thoughts under a cut to save space

Sophie's had a pretty consistent running of all of her friends agreeing with/thinking like her when it comes down to it. Her recent arson escapade is starting to challenge that, but at the end of the day her and the entire kotlcrew have the same beliefs and stance against the Neverseen. The Neverseen's belief that to fix the world they need to raze it to the ground and start over is bad, and the actions they take to try and bring that about are bad.

So if someone close to her, like Jensi (I know they're not super close at the moment but they're solid friends), turns around and starts buying into what the Neverseen would say it'd be a change in dynamic. For the first time their own beliefs aren't just taken for granted as the right way of thinking, but instead they're being challenged by people she's close with. It's like realizing something you believe isn't actually common sense to everyone else and you need to be aware of that, and I think that's a good message and opportunity to explore.

Jensi could also provide the kotlcrew with a more direct, personal connection to the enemy. Right now Keefe has his mother and everyone else is connected to her through him, but really they're not that close. Fitz and Biana have Alvar, which is their own personal thing, but he's older and not connected to everyone else. It's kids fighting against adults they don't know well and who they see themselves as different from.

Jensi, however, is too like them to ignore. He's their age. He's their friend. They're talked and joked and played around together. They're shared moments and enjoyment. So to have him turn around and suddenly be part of the Neverseen? That's going to hit them a lot closer to home.

I think Sophie would also feel guilty he'd joined, thinking that maybe if she'd reached out more she could've changed that. Because perhaps the Neverseen turned Jensi against her by bringing up how he was left behind, how all her other friends are in the loop, but he isn't. Him, the first person to reach out to her and help, got left behind. Even Stina, her bully, is part of the in-crowd now but he's not. If that's how the moonlark and her organization operates, how can they be right? How can that be the correct way to do things? No, no they can't be right, so their beliefs can't be right either. Instead, the Neverseen is right; the Neverseen won't leave him behind.

They could prey on thoughts and faulty logic like that to get Jensi on their team, which would both give them another member (baby member but still) but also! Strike a devastating blow to the kotlcrew emotionally, which they could capitalize on. It'd be using him, but it would work.

I think Jensi as part of the Neverseen, whether he's being used or genuinely believes in the Neverseen and their cause over that of the Black Swan, would be a really interesting arc for the story. To see what happens and how the characters react, what messages we can get coming through about it.

I anticipate Jensi coming back into the story in these final two books given how present he's been in commissioned official art, but if it was as a villain in the Neverseen I wouldn't be mad about it!

[loveyourlovelysoul]

You don’t have to answer this but how long have you been trying to heal yourself maybe it’ll help me not feel so alone in my journey

Hey! I will answer you ofc, I don't have anything to hide. But... (I may be using "you" as a general you/y'all next)

First of all, I want you to keep in mind that there's not a fixed time-frame when it comes to healing, nor there's an age in which we do that. It's not like school and you need to start and end it in a certain amount of years/at a certain age to be considered "right" and "on time". There's not such a thing here. It takes the time you need as your own person: it depends on each one of us and our stories and how we deal with our feelings about our past in our present. And how it all reflects on our future (and anxieties about it). Honestly, it reasonably can take A LOT to reach a kinda mentally stable point, if you take a look at all this. I mean, it's BIG. You don't have to feel less or guilty if according to you it's taking you more than you thought or that you're supposed to. It's okay: also because the more you feel like you're needing to rush things or get to an end (I know it's painful but please hang in there and keep being patient cause it's gonna end, I promise you), or you feel inferior to others as they seem in a better position than you (you don't know their story nor when they started/how anyway, so please do not compare: surely there's someone who is feeling the same as you or about you even), the more stressed you'll be and the longer the process will take. The more we try to close chapters fastly with our past, to say "Okay I'm done here, next one", the more we'll find new triggers about the "same old thing"TM. And it's okay: to really understand, accept and realize what we went through, takes a lot of time and patience. It's not something we can learn and close over night. When it comes to our feelings it's never so. We may be spending, for example, months over a friend that moved on and suddenly disappeared from our life, pretending we didn't care (but the more we pretend and tell ourselves we don't care, the more it stays in our mind and heart), and that's okay: it means we need to realize something about that connection that we cannot accept and probably it's not just how it ended, but also something related to how it was, how we felt both on good days and bad days while we were in that friendship... and maybe move on to other relationships in our life, starting from the one with our parents and our classmates, other friends, colleagues, crushes, partners... What's the main issue there and how it moves inside of us? Feelings are complex, they also rot inside of us for years and years and grow with us, get mixed up with new ones, similar ones, different ones... it's crazy. But it's how it is. We cannot stop growing or making experiences before healing. We keep living also while healing (we have to). And we cannot start healing if we don't feel the need to.

And it's not an easy job to heal and also healing doesn't mean not being triggered anymore and being all good and great all the time: it means you start learning how to recognize your triggers and let them control you everyday a little less. Even on those days in which those stressing emotions will still get to you, you won't try to fight them but accept that those are just days as others, and they will pass too. You simply accept that you're tired/overwhelmed for any reason and that you can control your mind and decide what's best for you, so you take care of you, and try to be more compassionate and patient, and maybe take a break without feeling guilty. You're more open about your needs and find ways to meet them. And you know you can afford your trigger another time, you can talk with your mind, you feel more and more balanced. Life will always be made of positive and negative. It's how it is. And taking time to accept both of its sides and don't let the negative take over us and make us fall, is the thing we need to keep doing first and foremost. Also inside of us: we too are made both of bright and dark parts, and the dark parts need as much love too as they'r egenerally the hurt and scared parts of us. And taking them out of the dark is not easy, it takes time and gentleness, as with a scared child. It also takes the right moment for both.

Now, I've wrote a lot already so let me answer you :) I've always been someone who tries to understand more of herself and people and life in general, but if I have to say a time in which I told myself "Okay something is pretty wrong here, I do not deserve that and I definitely need to know more of what's behind all of it" I think it's around 2.5-3 years ago. Especially around 2 years ago after a bunch of big tough events in my life. The heavy healing part started there I think.

Anyway pelase do not feel alone. Here it's plenty of people healing, many have been through that for long, even longer than me probably. And even if it feels scary and this idea may make you want to give up, please don't. Keep doing it with patience, balancing healing with your life the best you can (you need time outs from it and talking with people, enjoying too), and I promise it will get faster and even occasionally easier. And it will get slowly better for sure. You'll notice it once you'll start reaching a more balanced emotional situation, but for now, endure through the storm as it will end. I'm here if you need support!

Take care<3

[stray-kids-react]

Having surgery scars

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° You had no idea about Chan's crush on you, not many people did. The only person who knew about his crush was himself and his best friend Felix. You never thought he could love you due to how you saw yourself.

° You never wore cropped tops or anything that had the chance of rising up too high, even during the summer. He knew about your scar, but never saw it or knew how much you hated it.

° One day he was going to visit you by surprise, using the spare key you gave him to his advantage. You walked out in a cropped pajama shirt and underwear, not expecting your best friend/crush to be in the room.

° You scar was on your stomach, it was deep and noticeable to whoever walked by when itt wasn't hidden under clothes. You thought it gave off a negative impression, while Chan thought it gave you a unique beauty.

° Before you could cover yourself up, Chan gently embraced you in a hug. Calming your conscious, his fingers gently tracing over the scar. He placed multiple kisses to your head, asking you why you are so self conscious.

"Why can't you see how beautiful you are?"

Lee Know

° You were very clumsy all throughout your life, constantly falling and running into things. But the worst scenario bad to be when you fell and someone kicked you straight in the face.

° This led to you having to get surgery on your broken nose, leaving a scar on the right side of your bridge. It wasn't overly noticeable unless you were very close to your face, which Minho happened to be.

° He wondered how he never noticed this scar before, especially since he loves giving you kisses on the top of your nose. He knew you were clumsy, but wondered how your only scars ended up in such a specific place.

° Minho gently traced over the scars, finding it cute how you scrunch your nose immediately at the touch of his fingertips. Before you scrunched your nose, he noticed that your nose must've been stitched.

° He assumed you did this by accident, by either falling or hitting your face with something. Minho was surprised to hear that someone did this to you intentionally, wondering why someone would hurt you.

"I'm losing hope in humanity at this point."

Changbin

° You has multiple scars on your arms due to an accident you had as a child, this is why you'd constantly wear long sleeve outfits. Feeling that people may become worried or grossed out if they ever saw them.

° But after being asked out by Changbin, you knew you couldn't hide your scars from him for too much longer. He didn't seem suspicious of your long sleeves, until you spent your first summer together.

° You were both sweaty messes who were slumped in front of multiple fans, he was just in his boxers while you had no pants but still your long sleeve shirt. You were turning red by how hot you were becoming.

° He looked at you astonished as how you hadn't passed out from the heat yet, but Changbin was mostly worried since he knew it wouldn't be long til you hit that point. So he moved the fan closer to you.

° You had enough of the heat, telling him to look away as you took of your shirt. Turning your back to him once you said it was okay to look. Changbin noticed your arms even if you tried to hide them, they were gorgeous.

"You will always be a super model to me."

Hyunjin

° You had a few scars on your neck, and you were embarrassed to admit where they came from. Even if you were close to Hyunjin and loved him dearly, you still felt silly admitting it came from a drunk bar fight.

° Hyunjin was curious to where the scars came from, but didn't want to pressure you into telling him in case it was from something traumatic. So instead he would just press soft kisses along the scars.

° You felt bad when he admitted ab embarrassing story of his to you, since he was revealing a moment that stuck with him in a bad way. Yet you were still hiding your scar story from him as he waited patiently.

° His puppy eyes and sweet smile made its mark on your heart, the story leaving your mouth hesitantly. You couldn't look him in the eyes, your cheeks were bright red from embarrassment. You felt stupid.

° He stroked your heated cheeks, turning your head so you'd make eye contact. All of your worries washed away when there wasn't a hint of judgement in his eyes. Only pure love and adoration were held in them.

"I won't judge a simple drunken accident."

Han

° You had scars all over your hands from a burning accident with a kettle, you were self conscious of your hands. But tried to hide those feelings when around other people, not wanting to make them worried.

° But your best friend Jisung noticed when something bothered you, your shimmering eyes would dimmer whenever someone would give you nicknames like 'Freddy Kruger' or 'The human torch'.

° Jisung loved you, even if you were too dense to catch onto that fact. He loves you and wouldn't let someone make you feel like garbage, which led to him defending you countless times throughout the years.

° You had this one fake friend that always rubbed him the wrong way, she would go out of her way to make fun of you and praise herself. Calling you ugly, and getting grossed out whenever you touched something.

° During a game of truth or dare, she dared anyone in the room to hold hands with you. No one was stepping forward, until Jisung crawled over. He didn't just hold them, but he also placed kisses along your knuckles.

"I would've done this without the dare."

Felix

° You were never self conscious over the scars on your legs, if anything Felix usually had more self doubt moments about himself than you did about yourself. Which led to you giving this angel SO MUCH LOVE. (He deserves the world ngl)

° But when visiting Felix back stage, a make up artist mistook you as an idol and suggested finding something to cover your scars. This left an unfamiliar sting to your heart, never thinking it was an issue.

° You say in one of the chairs back stage, placing your coat over your legs as you awaited your boyfriend. It wasn't long before Stray Kids were ushered to where you were sitting, all of them hyped and energetic.

° Felix knew you well, immediately suspicious as to why you were hiding your legs. He had many scenarios in his head, you were cold, period problem, hiding a present, no underwear. His mind was racing.

° But when he saw your sad smile, he knew it had something to do with your scars. Someone must've said something insensitive, and they hurt his favorite person. This wasn't the first time this happened.

"Don't hide your beauty from me, lovely."

Seungmin

° Seungmin witnessed how you got a scar on your back, you were running to catch the bus when you tripped over your feet and rammed into the glass of the bus station waiting area. Causing many gashes to appear.

° He rushed you to the hospital, watched the stitches and bandages go on, helped you up from the bed, helped you go to sleep, gave you medication for the pain. He made sure you were in perfect condition.

° Seungmin felt terrible that you got so severely injured, even though he couldn't do anything to prevent it from happening. He still felt guilty, even when you reassured him that it will be okay and will just leave scars.

° Scars were left on your back, and everytime he witnessed them he felt a slight ping to his heart. Wishing he could've done something to help you, but he doesn't want to relive that moment so he tries to ignore it.

° You asked Seungmin for a massage after a long day, laying down on the couch as he sat on top of your legs. His hands traced down your scars, rubbing the oils onto them gently as if they still hurt you.

"You look like a cute little tiger cub."

Jeongin

° You sometimes forgot that you had scars on your thighs, only remembering them if you see them. They don't effect you in any way, especially since they came form a bike accident when you were very young.

° You and Jeongin both had long days at work, so you both wanted to have a relaxing bath together. This was one of the moments where you forgot about your scars, until Jeongin pointed them out.

° He was worried they were recent, concerned if someone did this or if you did it to yourself. But you calmed him down with a kiss, before explaining it was from an accident with a bike when you very young.

° Jeongin covered you in bubbles, before cupping water in his hands and washing them away. He started around your thighs, rubbing them lightly after they were washed off. He felt a bit bad for bringing them up.

° You did the same treatment for Jeongin, relaxing in his arms for a while until the water was beginning to cool. He dried you off, playfully whipping your thighs with the towel, giggling as you stared in shock.

"It's part of my drying treatment baby."

[midnight-in-town]

1. I don't know about you but when do you think that Bards backstory will end? It's driving me insane that that it would drag on like that. Maybe yana toboso has a reason for that maybe to do that as the manga is almost at the end and the murderers would be revealed (I don't know really). I'm seriously hoping that Bard won't chose to sacrifice his life in the war hospital just because of the love for Ada though I understand about that fully..Lau would just kill him anyway with everyone else if Bard refused.

2. Why would people hate on Elizabeth Midford so much because of the way she is? It's not right..I get that the personality of hers is annoying in the anime and manga but she's human..she has the right to behave how she wants and the one thing that people don't realise is that when that..time in the Blue Memory arc when she was taken home and Edward asked that why she didn't say anything..she didn't know what to do..and of course it's heartbreaking.

3. Do you think that Elizabeth's parents might reveal to Elizabeth that RealCiel has mental health problems or emotional trauma...and that's why he's scared of strong woman or something (we might not see Lizzie until next year in the chapters is the reason maybe) ..the reason why I'm asking this is because usually in T.V anime series and manga a character often had emotional trauma or serious trauma that a author often doesn't reveal to the audience until later of something...? You heard of fairy tail right (if you haven't than you should..it's really good) (Loke hated key users because he was abused by one and when he heard about Lucy being a key holder..it haunted him because of that because he believed that he caused the death of his pervious key holder).

4. Do you think that if Yana toboso would include it..maybe a talk between Elizabeth Midford and OurCiel of the explanation of why he would lie to her for three years and an apology..wouldn't that make Elizabeth less mad with OurCiel.

5. Do you think that Elizabeth would ever be the same again after the Blue Memory arc? I don't think so..I have a nasty feeling that RealCiel twisted the truth a little to Elizabeth by making OurCiel seem like the bad guy for 6 months but..it's up to Yana toboso how to do it..

Hello Anon! To answer your questions:

#1 I’d say we’re mid-to-end flashback, approximately. 

Bard will find out about the nature of Ciel’s work as the Watchdog and thus his own mission amongst his household. Once he accepts his new place, he’ll remember what Ciel trusted him to do with Ada’s sanatorium and we will move on with the present and with whether the people there get destroyed with the sanatorium or not.

I do admit that I always have my doubts about Lau stabbing Ciel in the back so, while I see no reason for Lau to kill Bard or for Bard to sacrifice himself for Ada’s place (if anything it would weaken Ciel’s strategy and Lau has for now no reason to see him lose), I do think Ronald’s presence is bad news. Could be that Lau will get his way (as he often does, like with the curry or the murders at manor arcs) and many people will die (Ada at least most ikely will, tbh), or could be primarily a matter of investigation. We shall see!

As for the slow pace, here’s my take [x][x] on Yana’s possible issue. 

#2 Because she’s a girl. I’m not even kidding, it’s called internalized misogyny.

Everyone has a right to an opinion (yourself call her annoying, for example), but a lot of people who actually dislike her tend to disregard her personal path, as well as her motivations, when I find she has more narrative presence than most characters of the cast. You can visit her tag for my opinion about her character development.  

Currently, she’s feeling very guilty...

...so it’ll take some help (probably from her mother, but maybe not only) for her to find the strength to confront real!Ciel, but it’s my opinion that she’ll manage. :3

#3 I doubt anyone in the family knows just how emotionally abusive real!Ciel can turn out to be. Not even UT or our!Ciel. 

Considering ideas such as the RCMT or the Munchausen by proxy theories, it’s hard for anyone in the twins’ family to even imagine that one of them could possibly turn out to be such a threat to themselves. 

In fact, Tanaka is possibly the only one who might have a clue...

...but it’s not certain either and, even if he does, I’d say the only person he would have possibly confided into would be Frances [x][x]. 

However, if Tanaka and Frances were to say anything about real!Ciel’s true personality later in this arc, I’d say the most likely candidate would be our!Ciel first. To warn him of the actual danger, since UT is probably blind to the issue. 

#4 and #5 Liz is not mad with Ciel, she feels guilty about her place in the twins’ conflict: this is clearly what ch144 shows. 

But yes, I think these two will eventually talk, once this arc is (nearly) over. If they can manage to speak about this arc openhearted, then I think both of them will feel better... that is until Lizzie later finds out about Ciel selling his soul to Sebastian. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Poor girl still has a tough road ahead, but that leaves a lot of room for heartbreaking character development. 

I hope it answers your questions. Have a nice day Anon!

[amaya-chwan]

Takeaways from Therapy Game Restart 14 + Illustration Book Release Date

Hello again everyone! ❤️💛💜

It's finally here... chapter 14! In all its glory! 😍🥰✨

Before we get to our takeaways, just some news I missed in the last post!

🎉 SENSEI'S ILLUSTRATION BOOK WILL BE RELEASED AROUND THURSDAY, 23RD SEPTEMBER! 🎉

Image taken from this Twitter post from Dear+!

It is titled "日ノ原巡イラスト集　DARLING" and boasts a collection of illustrations from Sensei's works so far: Secret XXX, Therapy Game, and Kamisama no Uroko.

The current price is ¥2970 with tax (¥2700 without tax). If you'd like to preorder it on your proxy shopping service, I've found it on the Comi Comi Studios website here! The bonus for purchasing it on this website is a B5 clear file~ I haven't seen it on Animate just yet, so fingers crossed it'll appear on their website soon with another (different) bonus! ❤️💛

Alright, with this amazing news done, let's move onto our takeaways, the long awaited takeaways! Thank you for being so patient with me! 💜

My short life update: currently in week 8 of lockdown and I haven't left my house in a long time other than for exercise or groceries. But I do have my vaccination appointment booked so YAY! 🎉

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Oh man, we pick right up from the last page of chapter 13. MINATO, BB, YOU LOOK SO PAINED! 😭

Sensei is the BIGGEST tease... that's all we got of that Minato and Shizuma scene...👀😭

The female staff at the veterinary hospital have really mellowed out! They're not bad, after all. ☺️

Oh dear, Nakajou-sensei, please get better ASAP!

Whoa... did Onodera just...?? I'm starting to think back to that Onodera discussion we had a couple of months ago... 🤔

Poor Shizuma, always roped into Onodera's workplace stuff! IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS, SHIZUMA! PROUD OF YOU! 😍🙌

Man, Onodera has a really... blunt way of saying things to her human clients. Wow, brave. 😲

But I will say, Onodera really is good with animals. 🙌

Yet again, I think about that Onodera discussion we had... 🤔🤔

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! There may or may not be a surprise scene (or two) there. Please keep reading if you want to see~  😉✨

Our chapter begins where we left off in chapter 13--Minato pinning Shizuma down on the bed. Shizuma looks up at Minato and reflects on his actions that caused the pained look he is seeing.

Image taken from this Dear+ Twitter post!

On the next page (title page), the dialogue reads: Shizuma wants to understand what it is about his director (Onodera) that is making Minato uneasy. // However, that beautiful liar hides it well...

(I believe we are taken back to the morning before Shizuma and Minato meet up for their date.)

The title page features Onodera walking back to the clinic, bread in hand, with a cat cozying up on her leg. We are then brought to the clinic's lunchroom, with the female staff and Shizuma on break. The roster in the room shows that Onodera is extremely busy, Nakajou-sensei has afternoon house call appointments, Tatsumi is Nakajou-sensei's support for these appointments, and Shizuma has a half day and finishes in the afternoon in lieu of working on his scheduled day off.

Shizuma asks his coworkers what presents they like from their partners and takes note of their answers. One of the female nurses asks if it's Minato's birthday. Shizuma confesses that their relationship has been affected by the various things happening lately, so he wants to get Minato a gift before seeing him later that day.

The nurses quickly pick up that the gift is a "tribute" of sorts as this line of work means a lot of missed appointments and dates, and Shizuma confirms their suspicions. While the nurses realise male-male relationships and male-female relationships aren't that different in this aspect, everyone in the lunchroom is alerted to someone shouting Nakajou-sensei's name.

Shizuma and a nurse see Tatsumi with Nakajou-sensei, who has collapsed on the floor. While the staff are concerned about Nakajou's well-being, she brushes it off as a dizzy spell. Before they can help her up, Onodera sweeps her off her feet and carries Nakajou to her (Onodera's) office. While Nakajou asks Onodera to put her down out of sheer embarrassment, Shizuma and Tatsumi are in shock, with Tatsumi commenting on Onodera's manliness in that moment. One of the other nurses gently smacks Shizuma's shoulder and tells the two to grab a blanket and a drink for Nakajou.

In her office, Onodera asks Nakajou why she's been overworking herself to the point of collapsing. The nurse (who gave the gentle smack) very obviously hints to Onodera that it is her fault. As Nakajou calms the nurse by saying that's just how the director is, Tatsumi asks Nakajou about their afternoon appointments. She says she'll be fine to go after a little rest, but the nurse says she mustn't overexert herself.

After a few back and forths about who should go and the clients' needs/personality (picky about the vet, had a pet that doesn't like men, etc), Onodera says she will go. The nurses are shocked and reminisce about all the issues they've had when Onodera interacts with the owners. Tatsumi and Shizuma stand there, and can very clearly imagine those situations happening.

While Onodera rearranges and informs the nurses of the shift changes to accommodate Nakajou-sensei, Shizuma has a terrible premonition that unfortunately comes true: he is appointed as Onodera's support for the afternoon house calls.

Wearing a sulky expression, Shizuma packs the necessary equipment in Onodera's car and reminds her that he has a very important engagement that night that he cannot miss, and as such will leave immediately after the house call appointments are done. Onodera bursts his bubble, and tells him to give up on those plans while he can since this is the line of work he's chosen.

As Shizuma reads the client files, he questions Onodera on why he is her support when he's never attended to these clients before. While Onodera tells him that good coordination is important with a physician's support and that he's the only one she can rely on to give her an honest opinion and calm the clients, Shizuma realises that he's basically the mediator between her and the owners. She confirms that this is his strong point, has great expectations for him, and proceeds to drive. Shizuma then reads the patient files at lightning speed, realising there's a threatening 'something' that Minato has sensed, but that's just how the director is. He then vows to make it to their meeting tonight, no matter what.

The first three house calls, as expected, involve Onodera insulting and angering the owners--Onodera tells the first client that his insistence on seeing Nakajou rather than a 'young' director is having a negative effect on his pet who needs immediate medical care; Onodera offends the second client, inferring from their conversation that her pet's appearance is more important than the need to shave their fur and get an ultrasound done; Onodera accuses the third client of being irresponsible in caring for his exotic animals and asks for more effort on his part. In all three scenarios, Shizuma awkwardly smiles while trying to ease the tension.

The scene skips to Onodera and Shizuma arriving at their fourth and final house call for the day. Just as Onodera explains to Shizuma that she must check a whole host of things at house calls (and indirectly be too blunt about it with the owners), Shizuma asks her to consider the owner's feelings and change when and how she says things. She glares ahead in silence, and Shizuma is just glad that she is now aware of it. He again reminds her to talk with the owner nicely and gently as he probably won't be able to help with the next client as their pet dislikes men. Onodera tells him to just sit in the corner and witness the client become furious while he doesn't help, making him feel slightly guilty for saying that. He is now adament on not helping her.

They reach the owner's home and we meet an elderly woman named Shiratori and her 9-year-old male cat, Tono. Shiratori apologises to Shizuma as her cat doesn't like men. Tono hisses at them as Onodera opens his cage, but is then coaxed into submission by Onodera who covers his vision with a towel and takes him into her lap to calm down. Shiratori and Shizuma are surprised at his sudden docile nature, with Shizuma witnessing how well she deals with animals.

As Shizuma looks on at Onodera while she completes a check on Tono, he sees she is crumbling at the friendliness and talkative nature of Shiratori, who sings nothing but praise for Onodera and how her family must be proud to have such an amazing daughter. Aiming to ease her troubles and remembering the earlier guilt-trip she gave him, he redirects Shiratori's attention to her broken fly screen and offers to fix that plus everything else that needs repair in her home.

Onodera watches as the two leave the room for a bit before apologising to Tono for ignoring him. Tono looks on at Onodera happily while she asks him how he can live with such a lively human and to tell her his secret to this. She brings him into her arms once more to check his limbs, and as Tono looks up smiling at Onodera, Onodera sees her reflection in Tono's eyes, and both seem to realise something.

BG Text: Stare...

Suddenly, Shizuma and Shiratori, who are busy fixing the window, hear a loud crash and rush into the room to find Tono atop the cabinet and Onodera on the floor, with her hair in disarray. In the next panel, Tono is shown to be hiding in the bookshelf, looking on irritatingly at the humans. Shiratori apologises to Onodera, who shakes it off and says it's nothing to worry about and no harm's been done.

Shiratori asks if Onodera will fix/tie her hair up again, but when Onodera says her hair tie was broken when Tono used her as a launchpad to get on the cabinet, Shiratori runs to get her a new one. As Shiratori gushes over the 3 piece dopey looking character hair tie set she received as a present from her grandchild (and lets Onodera pick one), a greatly displeased look is plastered on Onodera's face. Shizuma, in shock, notices her displeasure and hopes she just thanks Shiratori for it. And Onodera does, bringing a great big smile to Shiratori's face.

As Onodera and Shizuma leave, Shiratori says she's glad to have talked with Onodera and invites her to come over again. As she says this, we see Onodera looking back with a blank look in her eyes.

And that’s it for this chapter! THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 While I was surprised at the lack of Minato in this chapter (Sensei legit is such a tease, LOL 🤣), I'm happy we can learn more about Onodera. Ngl, I'm starting to really question if Onodera is male or female now, given what transpired in this chapter. I guess we shall see in the next one!

I also changed the formatting a bit and removed the bullet points. Please let me know which format is better/easier to read! Ahah!

EDIT: Spelling and grammar checks are done! Didn't change a lot, but hope it reads better! 💜

📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

There won't be a chapter in next month's (September release) Dear+, so I shall see you in two months for the next chapter (Dear+ November Issue, to be released in October).

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

[multi-lefaiye]

so. for the song ask game. Eden is clearly depressed cause. Achillies come Down we all know. but also has done something bad to make people turn on him, or some kind of negative thing he did, he may have not done it on purpose but i am basing this off of Good For You. Get this man some therapy pls. but also also guilt mayhaps? mayhaps the depression is a mixture of many things including guilt over something hes done

hello yes thank u for the ask game <3

oh yeah you're so right. eden is such a depressed little asshole. he needs therapy, and maybe he'll get some at some point in the campaign! though i don't think it'd be an easy process because i think he'd be taken aback that he has to actually tell his therapist about his problems for them to be able to help. he'll get therapy, but he'll die before admitting that he needs it.

hehe i'm glad you took Good For You into account b/c honestly like. the situation isn't the same as what's presented in the song, but it's the best representation i've found via music of how eden's personal relationships were all fucking destroyed by the time the campaign started. i will say, he didn't intentionally drive everyone away! not to say he never did anything wrong, but his determination to prove himself and accomplish his very single-minded goal is what ultimately destroyed these relationships and left everyone to leave him.

i don't think eden feels consciously like he's done anything wrong, but he also definitely struggles with a lot of guilt. however, at the point where the campaign begins, his guilt is mostly centered around the fact that he feels like he's never been enough for anyone, and he feels guilty that he wasn't able to prove himself and be accepted for who he is. (of course, there's something to be said for the fact that eden's perception of how others perceive him is uh... not exactly accurate.)

he also has a lot of guilt regarding his relationship with his younger brother, which is one of many relationships that fell to the wayside in his desire to prove himself. eden is a very protective older brother, but his pride and his desire to be better and prove himself ended up taking precedence. surely that won't bite him in the ass later! (it absolutely will)