#and i miss everyone in my clubs (im not too social there anyways. i wonder if they would remember me)

[renga-nishizono]

whyyy why why why why whyw does this have to happen to me

[afterthelastreset]

Krisei Zodiac Event Aries Week

Aries Zodiac Sign Info Gotten From:

https://www.horoscope.com/zodiac-signs/aries

“The first sign of the Zodiac, Aries are the trailblazers. Passionate and independent, Aries will never do something just because everyone else is doing it—a Ram needs to be 100 percent committed to the task at hand. Competitive to the max, the best way to motivate an Aries is to turn something into a contest. Aries will put everything they have (and then some) into winning. Loyal, smart, and impulsive, they always have multiple projects on their mind, and won't be satisfied until their work, social life, and personal lives line up exactly with the dream life they've envisioned. Those who are drawn to magnetic Aries may have trouble keeping up—but if they can, they'll have a friend for life.”

🔥Aries Week

Day 1: *when Susie Dares you on a blind date*

The candlelights were lovely tonight. Shining brightly against the otherwise dark room, making shadows dance across the walls and adding a certain flare to the whole scene. The few rays of light that didn't make the darkness dance were shining off the small pile of food in front of them, making them hungry. But he couldn't care less about those food right now, right now he was more nervous about the real gem in front of himself.

The monster’s white fur sparkled against his beautiful  face, delicate pink eyes fluttered those lashes at him and if he wasn't already sitting down, he would've fallen over from nerves alone. Luckily being frozen meant he didn't have to worry about sweating in front of him. He had a whole new other set of worries though. Like did he put everything together ok? Did Susie warn him enough? Did she give him the right wine for this thing? Oh gosh he hoped she didn't give him apple juice. Not that the goat monster seemed to mind though. He was smiling that beautiful grin of his.

"I must say, Kris. I wasn’t expecting to be asked by Susie to meet a man in such a dashing suit.~" He glanced down to the wine bottle in his hand before back to him and giving a chuckle. Making him smile his nervous grin wider, "I never suspected you'd be one of such class.”

Kris chuckled nervously and pulled at the bowtie around his neck, "U-Uh. Y-Y-Yeah, I honesty didn't know if you'd agree to g-going out with a plain old human like me. ...UH! N-Not to say y-you're selfish or anything!" His face became more scared when he had realized what he had said. Holding his hands up. "I-I just meant that you might not have wanted to g-go with me since you're way out of my league...U-UM! N-Not saying you're one of s-s-shallow and stuck up nobles! Because obviously you're not!"

The monster chuckled at his obvious flustering. But not in a bad way, on the contrary. He thought this little scene was absolutely adorable. And the lengths he went through, though not as fancy as other dates he went on, it was still so sweet how he went through all the trouble of putting this all together just for him. Kris froze when he heard the dark prince chuckle but Ralsei didn't look mad in the slightest.

"It's quite alright.~ I must say the set up has been quite sweet thus far.~"

Kris stared at him in disbelief. "Y-You..You really m-mean it?"

He chuckled again. "Yes, and I can’t wait for this to happen again.”

“D-Don’t worry. That’s a promise.”

Day 2:*boldly taking the first kiss*

One moment.

That's all that it took. One small breath moment to have the two freezing up and staring at each other in silent shock. The two silently stared at each other for what seemed like forever- ....It wasn't supposed to happen you know. All this time just going through the steps together, gracefully gliding across the ballroom floor all alone..It was just supposed to help him learn, not to start gazing into each other's eyes for weeks on end in private after hours, admiring his strength. His booming laughter. His slowly steadying grace to the movements he was asked to teach the giant monarch. It was never supposed to come to a folly such as this. What cruel entity up above thought it'd be a great idea to push them together and set thing strange fate? If he had any sense, he would excuse himself, pretended it never happened, and move on with their lives...

But-

His paws slowly gripped tighter around him and one look already told him he couldn't get away even if he flung his whole body forward. Not that he wanted too anyways. Eyes slowly closing. The giant paws gently bringing them closer. And in a last flee from sane thinking or any other life boggling mysteries about this whole thing-

They kissed.

Day 3:*taking that bold leap forward and taking your relationship to the next level*

Bells toiled with the distance and blinding white decorations coated the entirety of Card Castle's halls. One could smell and taste the sweet smell of the decorative flowers and the amount of deserts on the table nearby. OH what a wonderful delight to the senses this fine day was. And it was all the better for the two who's the entire celebration was for. One couple who's hardships and difficulties were no match against their hope. WHo's love despite the impossibilities that should've been there to begin with, wasn't shattered or gone away. Oh! They were tested for sure. Thick and thin. With tears shed, labored sweat, and much fighting for it. But still gained none the less. A testament for the outstanding bravery they had faced all for this one important day they had only dreamt of until now.

But with the rings slipped on his fingers. The smile on his face. The happy tears making the make up drip down his cheeks. Happy sobbing and awes from watching crowds. There was only one thing he could possibly say to something like this-

"I do."

Day 4: *boldly choosing to leave your own world to live with the one you love*

The warm bed hugged their bodies as they curled up to each other. The soft pillows and mattress was supposed to bring one comfort along with the blankets in times of rest. That was their job. That's what they were supposed to do wasn't it? The comfort of sleep was supposed to be a relaxing experience to have for all. But unfortunately sleep didn't come easily tonight, not when the one next to you was tossing and turning, and eventually woke you up with his grumbling and kicking. Oh no it simple wouldn't do at all. Not just for his own sanity, oh he could worry about that later, but the giant next to him. He couldn't just leave that be. Oh that would simply not do at all.

Currently the supposed to be silent room was alive with soft humming and little mumbles of sobs and chokes. The larger of the two had himself buried within the comforting embrace of the much smaller man as he continued to let out the sorrows of that night.

"I miss him, Ralsei. I-....I sometimes f-feel like..I betrayed her with this!"

He shushed the human. Patting his back, "No, no thou didn't. he would've understood. he wouldn't have thought bad of you."

"I-I d-don't-..."

He shushed him again, letting the two of them slightly rock back and forth. “You’ll be alright. Im here to help you."

Day 5:* Ralsei makes a bold move to contact the human*

It'll be ok just breath. Everything was going to be alright. There was totally not a chance this was going to blow up in his face, and he had zero chance of really embarrassing himself again in front of a potential hero. Yep! All he had to do was relax and not do anything to embarrass himself as always. YES! EVERYTHING WOULD BE TOTALLY FINE!!! He gave a couple more big gulps of air into his lungs as his body did the usual totally not nervous habits of tapping his foot, and wringing his hands together as he nervously kept staring up at the large door awaiting the approaching two. There he was....The hero. Well heroes but he wasn’t looking at the tall lady. Instead at the handsome hero of sparkling red eyes and fair blue skin as he walked towards the dark Prince. Ralsei could barely speak. Thank goodness his embarrassed face was hidden by the cloak. He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke.

“Greeting Heroes...”

Day 6:* Kris contemplates his own family and the one he grew up with*

How does one decide another's worth? How does one predict another's personality or their impact they leave behind? Well unless you can see into the future and know for sure what you're dealing with then you're in for surprises. Which is what happened to him not too long ago. He could admit(just to himself) that he never expected to be surprised by someone he originally perceived as an easy pawn to his own needs. He never expected to be the one drawn to something so opposite of himself. But here he was, one moment minding himself the next-

The small child happily laughed and hugged the other man who was holding him. A strange family to one seeing it from the outside, but one he was more comfortable and familiar with over time. One he had to learn to accept but it was worth it in the end. But that brings up another question. What exactly made up a family? Most would picture a small house with a picket fence, a mom and dad, and a little boy and girl running around. But truth is it's not always that simple. Family is beyond blood or marriage.

It's who's always making you smile and there for you.

Day 7: *A kiss during a play is a forward move*

*Highschool drama club au*

The bright lights on the stage was almost blinding to the eyes of the ones on stage, and the audience but they weren't important right now. The glowing white light reflected perfectly off the two as they stood there wrapped in each other's embrace. Of course to the audience this was just another act of the school drama clun, and the ridicules costumes they were wearing for said performance were uncomfortable, but the way they was being held. The way the dashing prince's outfit fitted him. The way the white light shined off his beautiful features, no matter how artificial this role was, was absolutely breathtaking to them.

His handsome smile and fluttering eyelashes were to die for.

"And so. The Princess was safely returned to the Kingdom of Monsters," the narrator shouted somewhere on the stage to their right, but they barely paid attention. They were more focused on what the last part of the play script meant for them and their beautiful goat prince afterwards. "And the brave Prince was rewarded with her hand in marriage. They spent the rest of their lives together and lived happily ever after!"

The audience cheered in celebration and internally so did they when the prince finally got the oh so awaited kiss that was so rightfully his. It seemed like years before they pulled apart staring into each other's smile.

"Happily ever after, My Prince.~"

"Happily Ever After to US, Kris.~"

@krisei-world

[girls-scenarios]

Girl Group Fic Rec

A/N: Because I feel bad that I’m not going to be posting much this week. Please enjoy these fics while I suffer through the last week of classes and four major papers. - Admin Kiwi

Twice

Bedside Manner - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - T - Jeongyeon ends up breaking the record for most visits to the hospital in a month. She claims she's doing it for the challenge, but her friends are pretty sure it has more to do with a certain nurse she keeps running into.

Actions Speak Louder - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - T - Fate normally sounds romantic, but Nayeon is beginning to think that it's a curse in the form of this damned mystery girl in her class. College!AU

in the mood for love - Chaeyoung/Tzuyu - Chaeyoung often laughed as if nobody were watching, and Tzuyu now understood when Teresa Teng sang of smiles being comparable to flowers blooming on a sweet, Spring day.

louder - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - jeongyeon marvelled at the way nayeon made her feel like everything was alright with the world.and even if it wasn’t, that’s fine too. because they could take on the world someday, so long as they were in this together. (based on jeongyeon's part-time job at the bakery that she had while she was a trainee.)

get off free. - Nayeon/Momo, Mina/Sana - M - placing the bloodied knife down onto the oak table, nayeon blinks once, taking a deep breath in. well, fuck. serial killer au.

The Great Fog of 1893 - Jihyo/Tzuyu - T/M(?) - Vampire!AU - The last dairy entries of Miss Park Jihyo, regarding the events leading up to her disappearance, in 1893.

points and theories - Chaeyoung/Tzuyu - G - chaeyoung loves math, and, although tzuyu doesn’t always understand, chaeyoung finds a way to make it simple

sugar, we’re going down - Tzuyu/Jihyo, Nayeon/Jeongyeon, Dahyun/Chaeyoung, Momo/Sana - M - "look!" nayeon's mouth is right at her ear. tzuyu doesn't even need to back away, because the volume's just right. "the purple-haired one, right at the front. apparently she's part veela."

Afterglow - Mina/Chaeyoung, Nayeon/Momo, Sana/Dahyun, Jihyo/Tzuyu - T -Twice/X-Men AU. After discovering she has the power of hypnosis, Mina is sent off by her parents to a hidden school for the gifted in Korea where she will be safe from anyone attempting to harness her powers as a weapon. There, Mina befriends eight other girls, each with extraordinary powers of their own, that will help her to come to terms with being a mutant, as well as help her learn to control her powers, which can be detrimental, even deadly, to those around her.

Another Pretty Face - Nayeon/Mina - G - Nayeon’s used to imagining herself in healthy relationships with beautiful strangers she sees on the streets. Mina’s an interesting character who keeps showing up in her life from time to time.

Nightswimming - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - T - Nayeon is first. She's the best. She's always the best. Until she's fourth. 2yeon swimming AU; in which Nayeon is the star of the college swim team and Jeongyeon is her roommate.

Compliment - Momo/Sana - G - Three times Momo complimented Sana thinking she didn’t know japanese and the one time Sana returned the compliment

Game - Nayeon/Jeongyeon, Sana/Dahyun, Momo/Mina - T - It's finally Jeongyeon's year. She's finally the starting pitcher and she's got this. At least she thinks she does. But the opposing team's head cheerleader, Im Nayeon has different plans.

A guide to handling the girl who makes you write Batman on her coffee cup. - Jihyo/Momo - G - In which Jihyo is a barista and Momo has way too much fun coming up with weird names.

Green Tea - Jeongyeon/Sana - G - Jeongyeon needs to focus on her essay for class buts it’s pretty hard when her crush is looking sad and ill in the next room. Jeongyeon can’t act on it they’re unwritten rules about falling in love with your housemates. Right?

LOONA

On That Day, I Wished It Would Blossom in the Sun - Kim Lip/JinSoul - T - In which Jungeun is the local florist and Jinsoul is the tattoo artist down the road whose smile renders Jungeun speechless, leaves her desperately searching for wherever the air in her lungs went. She thinks Jinsoul took it with her.

the coloring book - Yves/Chuu - G - sooyong was never good with children, and although she loves her niece yeojin, she wasn't particularly happy to pick her up from kindergarten. little did she know she'd meet someone really, really special there.

Drowning In You - Kim Lip/JinSoul - lifeguard jungeun saves popular girl Jinsoul from drowning. feelings may or may not have ensued.

Goal - Hyunjin/Choerry (rare pairing!) - G - Friend asked for Hyunrry AU, and this is what happened. Soccer! and Highschool!AU

Wake Up Call (It's Like Holding Hands) - Hyunjin/Heejin, background Haseul/Vivi, Yves/Chuu, Kim Lip/Jinsoul, Olivia Hye/Go Won - G - “Happy Halloween, hoes,” is the first thing Yeojin says at exactly twelve midnight, before dumping a box of spiders onto Chaewon’s head. Or, Hyunjin is in love with Heejin. Yeojin tries to "help". Just another day in the LOONA dorm.

if you were also looking for me - Yves/Chuu (and background ships) - T - The annual talent show auditions are being managed by none other than Jiwoo's mortal enemy, it's snowing in September, and Jiwoo may or may not have vague magical powers. But hey, it's junior year: anything may as well happen, right? Featuring: teenage angst, social media, bathroom graffiti, magic-induced fainting, unhealthy amounts of obliviousness, truly awful pickup lines (courtesy of one Heejin Jeon), and the worst recorded snowstorm in history.

But My Heart is Like Paper (You're Too Good To Be True) - Go Won/Olivia Hye - Hyejoo looks at the little paper crane, spies the telltale pencil markings on its wings from where she had written her algebra work down before folding it. Gingerly, she picks it up, smiles to herself as she pinches its neck and tail, pushing and pulling, watching the paper crane’s wings go up and down. A light bulb flickers on in her head .Or, Hyejoo just wants to brighten Chaewon's week, so she folds her origami every day and hopes it's enough to bring a smile. Highschool!AU

Truth//Dare - All popular ships - G - All Jung Jinsol wants to do is take the train home after school. But when it breaks down, leaving her and 11 other girls stuck in a compartment, what's a girl to do but play a few rounds of Truth or Dare?

stole my napkins and my heart - Haseul/Vivi - G - Haseul wonders what exactly it is about the napkins at the cafe she works at that makes them worth stealing, and wonders what exactly to call the little leap her heart does when she sees the napkin thief.

Gonna fly now - Go Won/Olivia Hye - G - Truthfully, the boxing club had been their very last hope. Hyejoo had tried everything from football to swimming along with a impressive number of martial arts but after each she’d shrugged her shoulders and said she didn’t felt like playing it again and her parents had sighed and said let’s try something else then. But then Hyejoo enters the boxing club and while her parents starts chatting with the coach her sight immediately settles on the tiny girl with the long black hair who’s hitting a punching bag in a corner of the room like she wants it dead. She can’t seem to be able to stop watching.

tempting - Haseul/Vivi - T - Vivi hated this part of her job. Angel/Devil Au

what stays below, what flies above - Haseul/Vivi - Story behind Queen Vivian's favorite painting.

you make loving fun - Haseul/Vivi - G - Kahei desperately needs a date take to her parents’ company event so they won’t set her up with another “appropriate suitor”. Of course, she does what everyone in their right mind would do—she talks her long-time crush into being her fake girlfriend for the weekend. What could possibly go wrong?

cheating - Haseul/JinSoul - T - Soulmate AU where whatever your soulmate writes on their skin, it appears on yours too. And Haseul's soulmate loves to cheat on her exams.

there's sunshine in your smile - Chuu/Kim Lip - G - “She has the hots for Kim Jiwoo. Ran out midway to get her flowers and everything,” Sooyoung reports, flinching when Jungeun glares at her and raises her fist. Haseul has to step in between them to break up the impending fight. With Sooyoung cackling this much, it wouldn’t be long before Jungeun actually punched her anyway. Or: Jiwoo sings like an angel, and Jungeun runs out mid-concert to get flowers for the girl who moved her with just her voice.

steal my heart, too - Kim Lip/JinSoul - G - At first, Jinsol isn’t quite sure what to think as she watches a chubby Shiba Inu walk into her small pet store via the motion detector door because… well, the dog’s owner is nowhere to be seen. Jinsol just stares as the tiny dog struts up to one of the shelves, taking hold of a small bag of treats in its mouth. Amused, Jinsol just keeps watching as the dog walks out of the store. Wait, Jinsol thinks, I’ve just been shoplifted by a dog.

santa baby - Olivia Hye/? - G - it’s not until the fourth time that hyejoo gets suspicious. or,on the first day of december hyejoo finds a small present packed neatly on her desk. and the gifts keep on coming.

Red Velvet

Debugging - Irene/Seulgi - T - Irene is a game developer struggling to analyze what everything meant. Seulgi is a barista who thought she knew it all. Very loosely based on the web drama Game Development Girls.

Let’s Fall In Love For The Night - Irene/Wendy - T - Wendy catches the eye of a certain senior after a performance and a fall.

parties, smiles, and ice cream - Irene/Wheein (Mamamoo) - irene finds herself interested in a girl who owns a sketchbook, likes oversized sweaters, and doesn't mind strawberries at a not so interesting party.

a game is better when played by two - Irene/Seulgi - G - Kang Seulgi always sits beside the same girl on the bus ride home. Or where in Seulgi and Irene are two grown ass women who are passionate about playing mobile games.

Inside This Place is Warm - Irene/Seulgi - G - Irene is a barista at her university's coffee shop, and she just so happens to be the object of someone's affection. The only problem is that no one is quite sure who that "someone" is. This is where Seulgi and her friends come in. Or, in which Irene's a senior in college and she loses her mind over her beautiful neighbor, who she talks to far too often for it to be healthy.

IZ*ONE

it was such a sight, but it was just fluorescent high rises - Chaewon/Minjoo - G - minjoo discovers something about chaewon she shouldn't haveor in which it took her quite the time to get used in seeing her smile. highschool!au

of spells and potions - Chaewon/Minjoo, Yujin/Wonyoung - G - In-progress - Everybody in Hogwarts thinks the same of Yujin, Minju and Chaewon.They want to be friends with Yujin, want to date Minju, and want to never cross paths with Chaewon. /aka that hogwarts au no one asked for

Just Who the Hell Do You Think I Am? - Yena/Hyewon - G - Hyewon starts to regret so much about her life when her tinder date gets bundled into the back of a police car before she sets foot inside the restaurant.

Flavour of the Month - Hitomi/Nayoung (Produce 48/Banana Culture) - G -  Nayoung suffers a heartbreak and someone makes her heart race

i told you so - Eunbi/Hyewon, side Chaeyeon/Sakura - T - “Why are you guys arguing over the last condom if you’re both lesbians?” Yena asks. Eunbi and Hyewon both go beet red, avoiding eye contact. “Well, I mean, it’s always good to be safe,” Eunbi tries, but a lightbulb goes off in Yena’s head and she says “ohhhhh,” very loudly, wiggling her eyebrows. “I don’t get it,” Chaewon says. Eunbi thinks she might die of embarrassment. Or, Hyewon is a figure skater and Eunbi is an ice hockey player. They meet at the Winter Olympics in a rather unconventional way, but it turns out alright.

Stay Right There - Eunbi/Hyewon - Eunbi could only wish to be as carefree as Hyewon, instead of being the next CEO of Kwon Enterprises.

Mornings - Hitomi/Chaewon - Hitomi would always sneak up to the other dorm just to cuddle with Chaewon after their schedules.

Sweeter Than Fiction - Yena/Yuri - In-progress - Right in the moment Yuri met Choi Yena in that chat room, she knew the girl was gonna be someone important in her life or, Yuri being absolutely whipped by Yena since the first time they talked to each other and her rollercoaster ride going through feelings while being a broke college student with lots of responsibilities

Zone Wars - G - IZ*ONE's gamer line plays games to mixed results. Sakura taunts, Hyewon wins, Yena complains, and Minju just wants to be included.

BlackPink

And Fall - Jisoo/Lisa - G -  Her eyes, behind the lenses catching the veiled sunlight that must be blinding her, are so unguarded, glittering like quick little honey droplets. A gentle, thoughtless smile remains on her lips, even in the absence of an answer. It was hard enough resisting sweet underclassman Lisa, with her bleach-damaged hair and limbs far too long, movements far too sharp, for her body. But this? A gorgeously content Lisa, grown into herself and oblivious of the effect she has on the world, smiling at Jisoo so tenderly it must be a crime? Damn near impossible.

From every Sunday evening to every Sunday night - Jennie/Lisa - G -  Lisa wants Jennie to know the way she feels about her, so she writes her a note every day of the week.

CLC

Pumpkin spice with an undecent ammount of cream - Sorn/Seunghee - G - Seasons were only the background for companies to ask for money: “hey! Do you want to be like that girl, long curly hair, perfect make up, that is looking through the window as autumn settles in? Then come buy here! Everything is orange, red, maroon and brown and it tastes like pumpkin!” Seasons could suck Sorn’s toe for all they were worth. “And what would you like today?” “A pumpkin spice latte, please.” Or where Sorn has this big crush on a barista.

like a cat - Yujin/Yeeun - G -  Yeeun is a very, very tired college student. She doesn't believe her eyes when she sees a large cat dancing in the middle of a shopping centre. She didn't even know cats could dance. Yujin works at a cat cafe and sometimes has to wear a cat costume to advertise the cafe at the mall. One day, a very tired and loud girl stops to watch Yujin dance.

late groceries - Elkie/Sorn - G - sure it was too late for that, but still, they really needed their groceries. it was Urgent.

unexpected - Yujin/Yeeun - G - yeeun entered the building waiting for a job, and left with a soulmate.

Dancing with our hands tied - Sorn/Yeeun - T - A bet, an unforgettable night, and a really regretful Yeeun.

Weki Meki

trying to find an island in the flood - Doyeon/Yoojung - G - It is not the first time Yoojung has climbed into Doyeon’s bed, but it feels different, when Yoojung sticks her feet under the warmth of the blankets and Doyeon’s arms wrap around her almost instantly. “Sometimes,” Doyeon begins, absentmindedly tucking a strand of hair behind Yoojung’s ear, “I feel like I’ve already met my soulmate. But other times, I’m not sure, you know?” Something twists uncomfortably in Yoojung’s stomach and she swallows.

it's my favorite business interaction - Rina/Lucy - "Doyeon unnie, as much as I appreciate this, I'm seventeen. When am I going to need this?" "Interviews," Doyeon says offhandedly. "What… kind of interviews…?" "Like your date with Hyojung," Yoojung helpfully supplies. "That's sort of an interview." "Who said I was going on a date with Hyojung?"

Win Again - Doyeon/Somi (i.o.i, soloist) - G - High school heartthrob Jeon Somi's taekwondo team gets a budget cut for the cheerleading team's new uniforms. She has mixed feelings about their future captain, Kim Doyeon.

ten reasons why - Lua/Rina - G -  Soeun lists down ten reasons why she hates Sookyung.

fromis_9

the dazzling you, the angelic you - Saerom/Gyuri - G - Beautiful, breathtaking, alluring. That’s what Saerom was. And Gyuri couldn't bring herself to take her eyes off of her, ever.

despacito - Seoyeon/Jiwon - G - it’s this moment, seoyeon thinks, that her idol training has been preparing her for. that is, singing an extremely romantic song in front of the girl who you’ve liked for several months, who also happens to look extremely attractive right now.

the sun was in my eyes (the sun was in her smile) - M - Saerom/Gyuri, Saerom/Hayoung  "So, how did you and Gyuri meet?" Hayoung asks.Saerom should be more prepared than this. She has an email in her outbox sent to gyuljang@gmail.com with the subject line important backstory details for a reason. "Through Chaeyoung, the intern?" "Well, you guys look cute together," Hayoung says, giving Saerom an enthusiastic nod. (a buzzfeed AU)

Finding Solace - Saerom/Gyuri - G - Forest sprite Gyuri keeps finding a girl going back to the forest.

Pristin

all my nights taste like gold - Eunwoo/Rena - G - yaebin looked around quickly, but no one was looking at them. "you shouldn't call me that. if they hear you--" "you're always gonna be kang yaebin to me, dummy," eunwoo interrupted. "if they don't like it they can answer to me.”yaebin felt a rush of warmth in her chest, like she was comfortable in her own skin for the first time in years. she had almost forgotten that eunwoo always made her feel that way.

I'm Your Girl ? - Rena/Roa - T  “Do you want to know what’s on my mind right now then?” Minkyung asked slowly. Yebin looked back at her and nodded. “It’s you. It’s almost always you,”

falling, falling, falling (for you, you, you) - Kyulkyung/Eunwoo - it's like everything in jieqiong's life shifts into place, while also simultaneously crumbles, within five seconds.

Another Halloween - Yuha/Eunwoo - G - Kyungwon and Eunwoo spend their Halloween together, like always

WJSN

of course the snake would hate the lion - Luda/Eunseo - T - son juyeon, a muggleborn, was incompatible with lee luda, a girl that grew up with her parents telling her that muggles were inferior than them. when she sees herself being target of juyeon's jokes and attention, she thinks she's in hell. she really hates the younger girl, she's pretty sure of that, but when juyeon's get involved in a quidditch accident, luda started to care more than the normal about the other's well being.

Dreamcatcher

Summer Dream - Yoohyeon/Dami - T - Ever since she was little, Yoohyeon has spent her summers lazing away at the country club pool. Funny enough, despite spending so much time there, she never learned to swim. This summer there’s a hot new lifeguard in town who Yoohyeon is helplessly crushing on. When Yoohyeon’s genius of a best friend flings her in the pool in order to try and catch her crush’s attention, another girl ends up saving her from drowning and stealing her heart in the process…

close to you - Yoohyeon/Siyeon, SuA/JiU - T - Kim Yoohyeon has two goals for this school year: to get the solo at the school concert and to enjoy her life alone in her new apartment. Both of these goals are crossed by Lee Siyeon, Yoohyeon's biggest rival since middle school, when unfortunate circumstances lead to them having to share more than just their passion for singing...

A Date in Stilettos - Yoohyeon/Dami, SuA/Siyeon - Blind dates aren't supposed to be amazing.

Traffic Duty - Yoohyeon/Dami - T - Officer Lee Yoobin has the most boring shift ever, or she thinks she does.

One Of The Nightmares  - Handong/Yoohyeon - T - Yoohyeon often has nightmares while sleeping and while awake. Handong is always there to bring her back from them.

half my bones - JiU/Siyeon - T -  when siyeon wakes up, she finds herself in a garden of lilies. Hanahaki Disease.

i want it, i got it - Yoohyeon/Dami - E - Yoobin has quite a few feelings about Yoohyeon's outfit from the performance of 7 Rings.

[comicteaparty]

May 23rd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 23rd, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! Our final Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like~! (https://maidenmachine.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

i think my favorite scene so far is when elizabeth and victor decide to sleep together. part in for its serious drama. theres so many questions about victor created from just the visuals, and then theres the stakes at hand of elizabeth's reputation. but then, there is also a good balance of comic relief to a degree since victor told her to ask no questions and she asks the one question that he probably didnt see coming. all around it was a pretty satisfactor culmination of their relationship so far at a juncture that felt natural.

another scene i really enjoyed was the ball scene where victor and eric are having a chat about elizabeth and then elizabeth and victor have a passionate liason. im mostly a fan cause of the dramatic convo. cause theres a deep and terrible sense that both characters truly know what their risking, what the situation is, and how they still are into each other. plus, its all very tense cause it just takes one person being in the wrong place at the wrong time to blow their cover.

honestly i think itd be accurate to say all my favorite scenes are with elizabeth and victor. romance is one of those genres i can struggle with, because theres always something missing. but oh man do i love the romance in this comic. there is nothing more i want than to see then elizabeth and victor finding a way to be together in spite society trying to kick that down at every turn.

i will give a special shout out to the scene where eric, abhaya, milo, and the cousin are meeting to discuss the affairs of the estate. i just like it because it basically shows all the characters' worst sides. abhaya is brash and reckless, milo is just kind of there, and eric is a greedy mofo. and whats worse is literally none of them thought to bring elizabeth. they may have their excuses of protecting her...but part of me still thinks thats a super dick move and shows even abhaya just kind of views elizabeth more as a pawn than a person. but all in all, nothing like money and estates to show off everyone's worst traits. it is very true to life, and i can respect that.

another non-victor/elizabeth scene i respect is the scene where elizabeth is out dress shopping and eric is like here i got you these dresses. just cause i knew eric was kind of a creep, but ho boy, he dialed the creep up to number 11 on a 10 meter scale. but at the same time, i think that really helped to erase all sympathy i might have had for him. thus paving the way for me to not really feel guilty on elizabeth's behalf for her trespasses against him.

mathtans

Hello, I made it... unfortunately this is a rather bad week, I only made it through the first two chapters.

RebelVampire

i also like scenes with west in them. cause I like that between all the people around Victor, West seems the most honest in a scoundrel sort of way. Which that is basically what I like about him in every scene. He causes trouble and pushes the limits, but at the same time hes always at least pretty upfront about his intentions.

thats unfortunate cause its a great comic, but glad to see you anyway math!

mathtans

Which kind of sucks, I like the whole concept of the kick ass ladies. Even the pirates.

Maybe I'll find time to read more in the background.

The bit I liked most of what I read I think was back in the first chapter, when Elizabeth makes the callback to when she got out of the ropes at the very start of the story. It was a nice subtle detail which I found very clever.

I'm not at your bits yet but I can see how the Elizabeth/Victor thing is being set up. Also there seems to be some question of whether Abhaya likes him... or possibly other ladies? I may be reading my own interests into that.

RebelVampire

you may be reading your own interests but later on there is a female character i ship abhaya with atm

so there is that

i dont think youve met her yet tho

mathtans

Also, yeah, the whole estate thing creates an interesting dynamic. That was a clever way of using the period to generate conflicts.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. A large focus of the comic is on Elizabeth and Victor’s relationship. At the end of the day, do you think the two will find a way to be together? If so, how will they get over the scandal Elizabeth would face and the fact those around Victor want him to marry a titled woman? If you don’t believe they’ll find a way to stay together, what will stop them? Further, given the most recent events, how will Eric Wollstonecraft play a role in the future of their love story? How does the narration framing seen where Elizabeth is addressing her potential son affect your opinion? How do you think that future came about, and how soon will it come to pass? Last, what do you think of their relationship in terms of Elizabeth wanting to make her own choices in life?

mathtans

I ship Abhaya with everyone.

RebelVampire

yeah i have to say if theres one thing i appreciate its combination of progressive themes while at the same time acknowledging that the period was not the friendliest towards these things

especially in regards to how elizabeth is treated since her only purpose apparently to everyone is to get hitched to a titled guy

and i mean

thats depressing

yet also true to the period

even though we get to see elizabeth take a journey and reject those social conventions

in regards to the current question, i am choosing not to think about whether in the long term elizabeth and victor will get together for the rest of their lives. because if they dont i will cry but i could see this realistically being the case given the tone of the narration. cause that...does not sound like an elizabeth who lives in eternal happiness.

mathtans

Back, sorry. Yeah, I'm usually not much of one for period pieces, but I like the narrative viewpoint. Also, pretty neat airships.

There was the point where she talked about leaving Victor behind back in Chapter 1 (I don't recall the exact circumstances) but I wondered if it was because he causes her heartache, or just because it make their lives more complicated.

Incidentally, the first thing I thought of with the name "Lovelace" was Lady Ada Lovelace. The mathematician. Not sure if that was an intentional reference to another well regarded woman.

RebelVampire

i love period pieces but i think the steampunk aspects help twist it enough to make it a bit more unique.

mathtans

(I don't think the time frames synch up but I don't recall when the comic takes place...)

Oh, it's definitely unique. I like the gadget aspect too.

RebelVampire

i would not be surprised if the name choice was purposeful. if only because the comic has lots of strong ladies. i doubt well see any real historical figures though.

i appreciate that the comic actually kind of starts off with the airship escapade

cause it really showcases the ways in which their world differs

where you get airships

and sky pirates

mathtans

That's a good point. Helps with the world building before we get down into some of the classic period issues.

RebelVampire

yes. and i also kind of like it starts off more action-y. not that there isnt action bits later mind you. but more i think it helps set up the main conflict while tying in the romance. because it makes it so the romance isnt some forced subplot. rather its kind of integral and has as much to do with the whole highjacking as the rest of the story. since later on youll see that elizabeth's proximity to victor keeps bring that part of the story into the limelight

mathtans

That's a good point, in terms of tying things together. Also possibly sets up a key antagonist (or at least revenge plot) in that burned pirate lady.

RebelVampire

she does come back

i will spoil that much

mathtans

I figured she had to some time, whether it was by the present updates or not.

I've resumed reading a bit in the background. Seems like both the Watson ladies are doing their best to get arrested. ^.^

RebelVampire

well at least Abhaya is.

cause Abhaya is a risk taker who puts herself in many situations where people are gonna stop and stare

mathtans

Well, yes. But Elizabeth also seems to be taking risks where Victor is concerned. Or at least stepping out of her comfort zone.

Certain people have certain effects on us I guess.

RebelVampire

nah thats true. I just think Elizabeth just takes more social risks. Like not the kind that are gonna get her arrested, but more the kind that are gonna get her socially shunned.

whereas Abhaya is the punch one who is gonna get charged with assault

mathtans

That seems like a valid viewpoint. It fits with their personalities when we saw them in their youth.

The cutting back and forth between the two sisters in Chapter 3 is well done.

RebelVampire

yeah in general i like the PoV switching of the comic. because every scene is pretty well-chosen and advances the plot in some manner. and it lets us see others parts of the comic developing. cause later on you do get to see more of victor without elizabeth some and get to go "hmm" to all that hes up to.

mathtans

Ha! I like Chapter 3, page 31, where all the dialogue seems to fade out as Victor touches her. Cute.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Besides romance, there is a larger plot posing real and deadly danger to the characters. Who do you think the Angel is? What are the Angel’s goals, and why is she excessively targeting Victor? Further, what do you think the source of her power is? Also, what does have kidnapping people like Ambrose have to do with her goals? Alternatively, is Ambrose there of his own free will (and if so, why)? Considering Abhaya is being sought by Amabel for help, what do you think Abhaya will do? Will Abhaya be able to uncover more of the truth, or is Abhaya just going to get herself into more trouble? How will Abhaya’s involvement affect Elizabeth and herself? Last, can Amabel be trusted, or is it possible she’ll abandon Abhaya when Abhaya might need her?

spoiler Amabel is who I ship Abhaya with

mathtans

Related to those questions, I do wonder a bit if Victor has a sordid past or something. Like maybe his empire wasn't entirely built on the up-and-up... with his knowledge or possibly without it. So there could be a reason there for him to be targeted.

I've looked on the character page and I approve this ship.

RebelVampire

oh yeah. Victor is 100% definitely a scoundrel. There is one scenes that really hints at this, but even before that i agree with you. Victor is not on the up and up entirely. I don't think he made his fortune without cracking a few skulls.

although idk if this is what makes him a target persay

or maybe it oes

but more in the way hes done the forbidden when it comes to tech

mathtans

Was he totally aware of the repercussions of whatever he did though? Because the people around him seem to like to keep him in the dark.

brb

RebelVampire

im sure he knew the repercussions. the people around him are more about keeping him in the dark about romantic matters. cause as was implied by one of the questions later on you find out the main thing ppl arent telling victor is that elizabeth is just there to open him up to the idea of marriage so he can marry a titled lady

cause everyone is all about those titles

In regards to the current question while you're away, I think Abhaya will help Amabel and get herself caught and get into a whole mess of trouble that for once, Elizabeth will have to break her out of. But I think it'll be a dual sword cause I do think Elizabeth's relationship to both Abhaya and Victor is gonna put her in the crosshairs. cause like, what an easy way to get Victor to show up. Get Elizabeth, tell Victor you'll never see her again if you don't show up.

as for the angel's goals, I feel shes on a path of vengence against the entire world, but particularly victor cause hes high up there in the industrialist chain

and knows something she doesnt and that she needs to bring her plans to fruition

mathtans

Back. Okay, that does make sense, darn titles.

Interesting, this Angel talk. I wonder if it's the same "angel" we see in the title card for Chapter 2?

Sounds like you think it's not personal, the Angel's path, merely that Victor is a convenient figurehead.

RebelVampire

i mean the angel is kind of the one from the title card. those are her wings for sure, though she doesnt look quite like that the one time you meet her

it could be personal, but i feel like the angel just has bigger fish to fry

from the impression i got from her

since shes kidnapping a ton of ppl

and you dont need to kidnap ppl to your cause if all youre doing is hunting down some industrialist

who almost got caught

if not for abhaya and elizabeth

mathtans

Ah, so she's the one behind the disappearances then.

(Still reading in the background.)

RebelVampire

yes. i mean its pretty implied but you get confirmation later that yes its her. though you can definitely speculate on the why

cause i have no clue

shes still enigmatic

mathtans

Looking for a husband? ^.^

RebelVampire

shes reading the wrong romance advice book

when elizabeth and her meet, elizabeth will point her in the right direction

and the angel is like "oh wait so youre not supposed to kidnap them? huh?"

mathtans

And then we ship Angel and Elizabeth.

RebelVampire

no. ill ship Abhaya and Angel

Elizabeth and Victor are the OTP

i said but then was like "nah id totally ship Elizabeth with West"

mathtans

Heh. That's fair, they are the main couple. Though West is an interesting guy, just needs to learn social cues.

RebelVampire

nah thats why west is amazing

he doesnt know social cues

and is awkward

yet helpful

and hes the only dude of victor's who seems to be in elizabeth's corner

mathtans

Right. I think it was said that he's not used to the lifestyle?

RebelVampire

yes that is what he said

which makes me want a side chapter just about what he did before he came to victor

cause i dont feel like victor would just hire some rando. he must of seen something in west

mathtans

Maybe he took pity on the guy, something about the scar.

RebelVampire

that could be cause victor understands the burden of scars

or something like that

whereas i just think west's scar gives him character

QUESTION 4. Mixed in with the present drama is a lot of unsolved past drama. Who do you think Victor really is? What do you think happened to Victor based on Milo’s story that he was telling Abhaya? How do you think Victor managed to overcome this to become the person he is today? Also, what do you make of the room Victor seemed to have sealed off in his house? Besides Victor, there is also a lot of drama between Jules, Abhaya, and Milo. What do you think happened between the three of them that managed to damage their relationship forever? Will spending more time together heal their wounds, or is it impossible at this point? Further, what was Jules up to the whole time he was away with Victor? Last, what do you think Jules’ goals were for introducing Elizabeth and Victor, and why does he seem immensely conflicted about her presence?

mathtans

Sorry, biab

RebelVampire

kay

I think Victor was some fellow servant kid who was Jules' only friend after Jules got sent away. And then Victor almost died. Although I'm changing my previous speculations. Maybe the Angel is more literal and she literally showed up, saved Victor with tech with the promise to return, and then left. So now shes back for her comeuppance. Meanwhile, Victor decided technology was great and he needed to bring it to the world cause it was what would keep him alive and save others.

as for the three, at this juncture it seems pretty heavily implied Milo and Jules were in a relationship and that Milo called off the wedding to Abhaya cause he didnt want to live a lie in regards to how he felt about Jules. Regardless of the what, while Milo i feel will legitimately forgive and forget, I dont feel Abhaya or Jules will. Abhaya cause she doesnt seem the type to ever forgive ever. And to just hold onto her hatred and seethe. Jules in the meantime I think wont forgive until he gets revenge in some way. Cause the two probably betrayed his trust big time and he kind of got the most screwed over by what happened

i think Jules wanted them to meet for the exact reason that the others implied: they want Victor to warm up to the idea of women so he can get married. However, I feel Jules now feels like a jerk who is taking out his anger at Abhaya on Elizabeth who had 0% to do with what happened between the three. and yet he knows hes in too deep to turn back now.

mathtans

Could be that Victor was initially poor... in fact maybe he married into the company somehow? Could the Angel be his wife? o.o

I wondered about Milo and Jules. My initial thought had been that Abhaya had called off the engagement though, so that's an interesting other look at things.

Jules and Elizabeth were close too, back in the day. One wonders if he's that good at seeing how things play out long term.

RebelVampire

nah its definitely his company. but victor was probably poor. if only cause everyone calls him new money. so it means he has no predecessor parent who made their fortune.

Jules strikes me more as the type who things hes great at planning but really, really, really isnt

and then tons of consequences come about that he has to accept and deal with

mathtans

That makes sense and could explain the sympathy for West too, maybe he knows West even though it doesn't necessarily go both ways.

Yeah, Jules seems to think he's got everything well in hand but he doesn't seem to account for the human factor.

Made it to the end of Chapter 4/Act 1 now. Apparently the Angel kidnaps people to literally graft wings onto her spine. Ouch.

Interesting callback to Victor's wounded leg though.

RebelVampire

i think even more than the human factor, Jules is just bad at making plan Bs for when things do go wrong. then panics and makes bad decisions

like not telling victor the factory is in danger

mathtans

Maybe that thing that Victor has in the factory is a time machine. Turns out he's actually from the future, he brought back all the technology and that's why the Angel is after him, she thinks it's stolen.

You're not wrong there, about Jules.

RebelVampire

ya know...i can support this time traveler theory. i mean it doesnt quite fit considering flashbacks

but id 100% buy victor built a time machine

cause why not

victor is amazing

mathtans

Maybe his company is corrupt because they're still trying to get the patents.

RebelVampire

i mean

its a company

so its probably corrupt to some degree regardless

mathtans

That's also a good point.

RebelVampire

i mean i can point out the fact they want victor to marry a titled lady to be a form of corruption. cause thats just marrying someone to advance your social standing for the business

mathtans

I guess we're near the end... haven't said anything about the art yet. I suppose I like the shading, and I thought the sound effect use was clever.

Need someone to star in the commercials.

"Ladies and gentlemen, my wife loves this new device I call a roomba."

RebelVampire

i really love the clothes. i mean theyre simple, and yet all seem to fit within the period that this comic is trying to go for

but if they get a roomba what are the house wives supposed to do

not sit at home cooking and cleaning all day?

also about the art, i really love the steampunk designs. you can definitely tell the steampunk inspiration in them, yet theyre really unique and not really like any steampunk ive seen before

and i can for sure appreciate uniqueness

mathtans

Yeah, that's true. And there was that neat detail of the corset being laced up the front, I wouldn't have thought of that.

Uniqueness is good. I wonder what the machine connection will end up being.

With the whole "maiden of the machine" thing there. (Won't be a roomba, after all.)

RebelVampire

ah thats a good point as well. i loved that detail about the maid being able to tell elizabeth didnt have a maid

mathtans

Maybe Elizabeth gets upgraded too.

RebelVampire

the comic was about the angel all along

and the angel's victory

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up our final Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Caitlin Like, as well, for making Maiden of the Machine. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Caitlin Like’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://maidenmachine.com/

Caitlin Like’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CaitlinLike

Caitlin Like’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/caitlike

Caitlin Like’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/caitlike

[the-social-experiment-t]

unfortunately, i’m many, many years late into creating this, so this probably won’t be in chronological order. for one thing, i don’t have time or energy to trace back every single thing TSE (the social experiment) has done in the past 6 years. for another, i doubt i could find them all. and finally, most of the more interesting stuff is more recent anyway, and frankly, middle school wasn’t a pretty time for any of us anyway.

let’s start with some background information. TSE is a girl my age who i befriended in middle school. we’re now seniors in high school and our friendship has gone through a lot and i’m my opinion, is pretty much doomed. don’t fret, this is a relief for me. TSE comes from a not-so-fantastic home life, which is rather common in this area, so she deals with a lot of problems in regards to that, along with some mental health issues. i would go as far to say that she has undiagnosed mental illnesses that probably cause a lot of what i’ll be telling you about.

it’s okay to feel sympathy for her, we all did in the past and at various points over the last few years. but you have to understand: shes put us through so much emotional hell, we’re simply too tired to sympathize anymore

i’m just going to skip ahead until last year. it was the fall semester of our senior year. at this point, my two friends who were also close with TSE at various points are once again, no longer close with her. TSE has played a sport (which will go unnamed for the sole purpose of staying vague) her entire life. she’s good at it, it matters to her a lot, she’s done multiple club teams, but she very much has a love-hate relationship with it because she gets a lot of pressure put on her by her parents.

anyways. it’s october and despite being heavily involved in her sport, she decides to audition for the school play. now i’m not quite sure why she joined drama, but it’s possibly because one of my friends was in it, and TSE also wanted to be in. that parts very unclear. regardless, she joined, and soon enough, she’d auditioned for the play we would take to competition. she did not get a part, but at some point, she begged the teacher to let her be a part of set crew so she could go to the competition. with the support of the Manager of Set Crew (who had a crush on her) and a guy who (for unrelated reasons) is no longer in the program, the teacher was convinced. TSE was officially in set crew and going to competition.

you may be wondering: how is TSE going to sports practice every day while also doing rehearsals four days a week?

a wonderful observation! she simply didnt. i’m not completely sure how many sports practices she ditched or how many rehearsals she skipped, but i know she was uncommitted to drama enough to piss off basically everyone. now an important person in drama was also dating another one of my close friends who happened to be close friends with TSE. because of this, he got all the information about TSE. this friend and i are in art class together and TSE had a free period, so everyday during her free period, she came to art class with us and did basically nothing. sometimes she didn’t even show up, or she only stayed for half the class before signing out. even the teacher was annoyed with her antics.

im getting off track: i’ll make a separate post for art, but it was important to mention. eventually, everybody was annoyed with TSE. she was missing a shit ton of rehearsals even though this was for a competition play and she had BEGGED for a spot. whenever we went to the auditorium to paint the set and she went with us, she spent the entire time joking around and flirting with the guys. she also had a habit of joking with/talking to the Set Crew Manager (who had a crush on her). this seems fine until you incorporate the fact that when Set Crew Manager confessed his feelings to TSE, she left him on read and proceeded to never talk about it with him but act like nothing had changed.

so opening night is within a week or two, and she’s done absolutely nothing for the play in the eyes of everyone. i wasnt actually in drama, i just helped paint sometimes and stayed for rehearsals cause my brother was in it. over all though, i was actually there way more than her and everyone said it.

one time i was facetiming my three close friends. two were in drama, one was not but knew all the shit with TSE. the two in drama were saying they should replace TSE with me since i’m there more. i said i didn’t deserve it since i didn’t audition like everyone else and a lot of people would probably have issues with it, but i also made a comment about how i’d do what i need to for the place to succeed.

fast forward: it’s three days before opening night. the important drama person who’s dating my friend asks if i’m willing to be on set crew instead of TSE. i’m shocked, and immediately say how people wouldn’t like that. he then proceeds to ask the seniors in the class if they’re okay with it, and they all are.

during fourth period, he texts TSE and says she’s off set crew. that morning, the teacher had told her she had to go to rehearsals that day or else she would be, so this was not completely out of the blue.

to make a long story short, i was given her spot on set crew three days before opening night. that same day, TSE had an important sports game that they lost. she came home and opened her text from me saying how they’d picked me to replace her.

honestly, i still feel bad about that. but then i remember her reaction and i stop.

at first, all she said was that she thought we needed some time apart. i was thrilled. getting away from a toxic person i couldn’t confront? yes please!

but me being me continued on saying “do you want to talk about it?” which i never should have done, because it basically unleashed the gates of hell on me.

she went on to say a lot of things and honestly going to find the messages would be excruciating, but my favorites included “ive been stabbed in the back by my best friend” and “i would never do something like that to you”.

i don’t remember the rest of it, but at some point the conversation ended. she was still pissed, i was trying to apologize and explain that i didnt mean to hurt her, and we got basically no where.

the next day, she wasn’t at school. thank god, tbh. but throughout the day, you can tell shes pissed off at me, even when she’s not directly telling me. she’s been guilt tripping me and implying su*cide for the last 48 hours and by the end of the second day i’ve had enough. so when she makes a comment about us needing distant or not being friends anymore i respond with a paragraph explaining all the shit she’s out me through for YEARS and ending it with “so yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore.”

immediately, she flips the script. “you don’t even want to try?” i tell her “i don’t know”. suddenly, she’s saying shit like “i think we’re just too emotional” “this is better left to discuss in person” “we need a good nights sleep” and she never EVER discussed any of the shit i called her out on

the next day, she acts like nothing happened. in second period, she comes to my class to talk shit out while she waits for her mom to pick her up because she felt sick as hell. she knows i’m terrible at confronting people in person and goes on about how she’s glad i get to see my brother perform at competition, about how she wouldn’t be able to perform that night anyway, how she understands it’s not my fault, etc etc etc

a load of bullshit so that i don’t stop being her friend

in the end, the play went great. like, really great. competition was awesome too and it was one of the best experiences of my life. the only thing i regret is letting her walk all over me in person

now i know without any context this may make me seem like an asshole. and in a lot of ways, i probably was in this situation. but if anyone’s actually reading this, just wwit

[unproduciblesmackdown]

this one for the special club of ppl who have no friends

idk abt yall but even for myself im not sure exactly how long it took me to work out that i was & had been more isolated than the avg person over my life & realizing that the feeling i had since ever being around a group of ppl (preschool) that i couldnt fit in or have more than like, one friend that was mostly defined as “wanted to actually play together at recess or smthing”, was just actually generally true. idk what it is but you know what its like when ppl have some tendency to ignore you. or quietly gain contempt for you because they think you’re weird, which i havent known to stop being true between like 10 yr olds & ppl in their 20s. when ur being talked over even in a group you’re supposed to be in and its like listen. what is going on that this happens so much

anyways when you have no friends its always wild when anyone does show up and actually act like a friend more than like once & show the slightest interest in you as a person. for me though i did have to learn to just not care as much when this happens because its like the sheer math of it all yknow. a person who is used to having like, a more avg number of friends across life is gonna make a friend and be like “oh man awesome” but on the other end of things when u have only a handful of friends and/or little access to friends &/or no close friends, getting a new friend seems way more significant because its like wow this is only 1/18 in my whole life or something. whereas for the other person you are 1/143 idek. not to say that each friend is less important to someone who has more of them. but it is less of a big deal to gain a new one, and a new person theyve just been talking to a bit IS going to be a less important friend

where this is going is just that, never having friends = everyone else being a big deal to you, but you arent a big deal 2 them....a lot of wondering why you always like ppl more than they like you. in my experience its not fun so, with the motivation to stop feeling terrible over that repeated revelation, and also figuring out that its because being so isolated / having few to no Reeeaalll Friends = valuing new friends way more than they value you, rather than just that everyone definitely hates you....i personally have tried to stop caring less about getting the opportunity to talk to new people.

thats not to say i dont enjoy it or value it or like the people i talk to.....i do enjoy it, im a social person in my own way, and i appreciate it when it happens b/c i dont consistently have conversations with anyone. i just don’t get excited abt a potential friendship or expect to ever reach what feels like a real & solid friendship w anyone. i have picked up a few ppl in the past like 5 yrs i do consider friends but its always taken a while to get there.

its kind of funny because like i said i AM kind of social & i do really care about people i get to grow a bit close to.......there is definitely plenty of ppl i dislike right away & have the opposite interest as being friends with them....but when i do like ppl, idk, i like to try to support them and be nice to them and be there for them in the usually tiny ways i can.....i love to talk to people actually. in person when im actually comfortable, i can actually come off a bit overly talkative....i can be energetic when i��m happy & i do have a lot to say about things sometimes but usually only in my head. even typing it out is difficult b/c i can only type so fast, especially with a phone. but in other situations i can have trouble actually getting my voice to come out at all, or i choose not to speak at all b/c i dont want to. or when im frustrated i dont want to talk for a moment but thats generally because there is no one around i want to talk to about it. i can talk abt something for hrs....and it is of course extra special to me b/c i dont get to be around ppl i like talking to them that often

idk and i like to do nice things for friends when i can......i dunno. i do like people. i can be pretty choosy about who i hang on to, i might only have a select group of friends even if i wasnt isolated; but still....theres a lot of people in the world. even being picky about it, you could have a huge friend group

little tangent i dont trust trying to make friends in groups at all really lol.....like even if you’re friends with someone who’s in a bigger friend group. i might cautiously give ppl a chance just b/c of the good endorsement but ive also had bad times w it. and often like, even ppl i all individually like, to be in a group w everyone is to realize that my way of socializing means im a lot of times off on the tangents and it just makes it clear that there’s a whole Thing going on in the middle that you’re not at all involved in. and then there’s ongoing Things that nobody lets you in on and its like alright i guess i’ll do my own thing that nobody’s interested in. idk and its happened that i’ll be in a group and again just like....not be even noticed physically and its like. feels great man

anyways i guess theres general things about Friendship that i feel i miss out on, on account of never experiencing it

like ive never felt like i had someone i’d tell anything to, not even collectively, like i have three Things to tell & maybe i cant tell anyone all three but i know three ppl i’d tell one of each to

ive also never quite felt like i’d always have someone to talk to just in general......or been in the situation where if i wanted to go out and do something w someone i knew i could find someone to go w me.....idk theres never been the feeling that i always had access to friends in any way. or like, ever had access to friends, most of the time at least

i also have no idea....when ppl talk about having longtime friends like known all their life im like wtf. ok. weirdo. ive had a friend for ten seconds

kind of a bummer b/c i think a lot of ppl consider College to be th easiest place to make friends...like before that you mostly have school friends and afterwards its like oh work friends but college you have a bit more mobility and different situations to meet people.....but post-college its supposedly just increasingly difficult to make new friends. and being more isolated makes it even more difficult as ppl tend to ostracize ppl for being lonely weirdos

im always lucky i get to talk on here tbh......it occurs to me it’s probably bad to feel completely unheard. because it frustrates me a lot at times to feel that way. even nowadays i dont really say anything about the stuff i think & dont ever find myself wanting to....im picky about who i really feel like having long or even short but actually genuine convos w like i said...............and idk its not that infrequent too for ppl to seem to not really care one way or the other or listen or even like it when i talk. i only wanna talk in situations i feel good talking obv lol....otherwise i’d rather stay quiet, but staying quiet is frustrating also. but i do it. but i can say things here at least even if i’m not actually talking aloud

i cant expect to ever have this mythical friend group or whatever.....i dont have Expectations like that. and in the meantime ive been lowkey for a few years just trying to lower my expectations even for ppl im just chill-ly talking to. its not that difficult nowadays, i get a bit pumped to just be talking, but i dont get Pumped Abt New Friends or anything. i know it doesnt work like that....and its not like i was ever like, wanting a blood oath after two conversations or anything like that. it just tends to mean more to you and then you find out you dont mean as much to anybody else really

oh but a good silver lining is that now i have better standards for ppl anyway, to be like “well it sucks that it turns out my connection w all these ppl wasnt that solid at all, but hang on now that i think of it do i even Like this or that person”

life is wild huh. back in preschool i thought something was wrong w me that nobody liked me & nowadays i dont care if they do or not. im doing my own thing over here & may be chillin in hell but at least, even if i’m sad i don’t exactly get to consistently interact w ppl, it only matters to me if i get the attention from ppl i genuinely like anyways. i could drop off the face of the planet & probably the biggest giveaway was that i had reblogged a joke in a few days but wtf does that matter anyway. some of us got to be on the tangents still w no friends. not because its necessary but b/c it happens and it has to be someone, might as well be me or you. it happens to be me, thats for sure

[niigoki]

TWICE title: we’re a mess (let’s finish what we started) pairing: NaMo, MiMo, Saida, JeongMi, 2yeon, Chaeyu read on Ao3!

So it starts like this: five years ago they all became friends, and then they realized that the reason they were so close to each other was not just because of their undying love for music, anime, and extremely terrible TV series, but also— girls.

They do say queer kids tend to gravitate towards each other.

High school sucked – especially for the younger ones who had to watch their older friends graduate first – and puberty was a bitch. There were feelings involved. Sana tripped on an ice cream cone and broke her wrist.

Then they all entered college.

Now they were all adults. Personalities changed, they met new people, someone dyed their hair, some tried to pretend they were cooler now (spoiler alert: they weren’t). Despite being involved in different things, the nine of them were still as close as ever. No one else truly knew them as deeply as each other, anyway.

And, well, the feelings involved never stopped being a thing. If anything, things just got more complicated. They just learned how to deal with it better.

Some of them, anyway.

Then Sana tripped again.

--

“Are you going to Nayeon’s party, please say yes.” Sana pretty much flung herself on her seat to catch Momo before she left her class to go to another.

“You mean the Drama Club party where everyone who’s someone is going to be at?” Momo finished tucking her notebooks inside her bag and finally looked at Sana. “No. Why?”

“What? Why?” She was pouting now and Momo rolled her eyes.

“Too many people I don’t want to see.”

“But Mina will be there.”

“I know,” Momo flicked a finger on Sana’s forehead and smirked down at her. “She told me. We have calculus together.”

Sana whined, rubbing the sore spot. “I’m having trouble understanding why you’re not going if both Mina and Nayeon are going to be there.”

That was a really good argument, but Momo was too tired for drama – both literally and figuratively. It’s not that she hated the Drama Club – also known as the people who had stolen Nayeon from the group (from her) – it’s just that she wasn’t particularly interested in the snobby, hypocrite, know-it-all theater students that were absolutely convinced that they were going to get an Oscar as soon as they graduated.

She had tried getting along with them – Nayeon had pretty much dragged Momo backstage to meet everyone at the end of her first performance – but those people seemed more interested in sucking up to Nayeon’s ego than making Momo feel comfortable.

The Drama Club was obsessed with Im Nayeon, which was… well, understandable. Confidence and self-esteem leaked through Nayeon’s every pore, and she fed off compliments. Her acting skills were no joke either, and she sang like an angel. Musical theater was everything she had ever wanted, and everyone knew that. Getting into the club was the best thing that could’ve possibly happened in Nayeon’s college life, and Momo was happy for her, they all were. Nayeon had become a little bit more insufferable, but at the end of the day, she was still a closet nerd who had every Sailor Moon season hidden inside her dorm closet.

Momo just missed hanging out with her on a daily basis, that was all.

Okay, maybe she was jealous of the Drama Club. Big deal.

As for Mina…

“I’m just not in the mood, Sana.” Momo walked off waving a weak goodbye, and Sana sighed.

“I’ll tell Mina you bailed on her!” She yelled in a last attempt to make Momo stay, but Momo just flipped her off with a laugh.

Fine. Sana got up, off to find her next target.

--

The art studio was a quiet, calm place, intended for soul-searching and inspiration. It was almost always filled with students who shared the same space, but didn’t interact with each other. It was kind of like a library, but with a lot more naked people and paint.

Son Chaeyoung pretty much lived there.

Her afternoon class had been canceled, so she headed down to the studio to get a head start on her art project; honestly, just an excuse for her to spend some time there. There was something appealing about the characteristic silence of the room. She used to go there at lunch time, too, mostly to get inspiration for a few of her poems and short stories. Her friends were starting to think she had an obsession, but she reassured them that it was simply her will to learn.

And also to run away from people. Anxiety and all that jazz.

Chaeyoung was almost done with her lineart when she saw the door moving from the corner of her eye. She tried to ignore it, focusing back on the canvas, but then a bubbly girl full of personality and a broken wrist started – quite literally – bouncing towards her. Chaeyoung didn’t bat an eye.

Sana approached her from behind and stood there, hands behind her back.

She stood there for five whole minutes in silence.

Chaeyoung finally sighed loudly, putting her pencil down. “What is it.”

“Chaengie, you’re so good at what you do. Has anyone ever told you that?” Sana bent over as she complimented the tiny artist, her breath warm against Chaeyoung’s ear.

“Yes. A lot in fact. Especially when they want something from me.”

Sana giggled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Come to Nayeon’s party with me.”

Chaeyoung frowned and finally turned to her. “Did you hit your head when you broke your wrist?”

Sana kneeled and Chaeyoung panicked, looking around. There were three other students in the studio and they all seemed to stare at them at that moment, which didn’t exactly do wonders for Chaeyoung’s social anxiety. “Get up, what are you doing?” She half-whispered, half-yelled.

“Son Chaeyoung. You’re my best friend. My partner in crime. My one and only.” Sana held her hand as she said that and Chaeyoung wanted to die.

“First of all, bullshit. Momo and Mina are your best friends,” She retreated her hand, blushing nervously. “Second, get up you absolute loser, you’re embarrassing me!”

“Not until you agree to come party with me.”

"I don’t do parties, Sana.” She turned her back on her dumb friend, focusing again on her project. “You know that.”

Sana got up and hugged her from behind, earning a grunt from Chaeyoung. It was really hard being around her sometimes, but what could she do? Sana was pretty much the heart of their group; her energy was enviable, and no one could hate her even if they tried. “Just this once, please, Chaengie! It’s going to be full of artists, just like you!”

“The Drama Club is full of actors, not artists. There is a big difference.”

“But—”

“This is about Dahyun, isn’t it?” Sana froze and Chaeyoung rolled her eyes. Jackpot. “I swear, you’re hopeless.”

“It’s not like that…” Sana tried to laugh it off, but she knew it wasn’t going to cut it. Besides Mina and Momo, there were two more people who knew about her… convoluted feelings for Dahyun, Chaeyoung being one of them. She’d always had a good intuition for her age.

“She’s going to be there and you don’t want to be at this party alone with her,” Chaeyoung continued. “And you already asked Momo, but she refused. So now you came to me. Is that it?”

“Have you been stalking me, missy?”

“You’re just too easy to read,” Chaeyoung giggled, Sana’s arms now loose around her. “And Dahyun is incredibly dense, that’s the only reason you’ve been missing each other for so long. It’s like you two live in a bad drama, or something.”

The older girl moaned, letting her go. “I don’t want to talk about that. Will you really not come?”

The way she pleaded was so pitiful, and Chaeyoung really wanted to help her out, but she was physically incapable of attending a party full of strangers. She hated crowds, and she knew that Sana was going to make friends fairly quickly in there. “I’m sorry. You know I can’t.”

They stared at each other for a while, then Sana smiled sweetly at her. “I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to force you.” She reached out and ruffled Chaeyoung’s hair. “Guess I’ll have to try Plan C.”

“Good luck.” Chaeyoung smiled back. She really loved Sana despite everything.

“I meant it, by the way.” Sana said, already walking away. “You’re a really great artist. Proud of you!”

She left then and Chaeyoung felt happy and warm. Her friends were hopeless when it came to their crushes.

Not like she was any different. Maybe she should call that person.

--

Entering the basketball court was always intimidating for some reason. Probably because the place was filled with tall, buffy athletes of all genders who were pretty much the campus’ rock stars. Everyone wanted to date an athlete in college. That was just a fact, even in art school. Sports might not be the strongest point of that particular university, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

The distinct sounds of sneakers sliding through the well-polished floor hit Sana’s ears as she walked into the gym, and she smiled at the smell of sweat and rubber balls. It brought back funny memories, like the one and only time she tried being athletic and, well, broke her wrist again. It was always her wrist for some reason; that was becoming a habit.

Sana immediately spotted the person she was looking for and waved at her. “Jeongyeon!”

The short-haired girl paused her hoops and waved back. “Yo, Sana-ya! Be there in a sec.”

Sana nodded and sat down at the bleachers, waiting for her training to be over. It didn’t take long, and soon Jeongyeon was making her way to her with a towel around her shoulders and a bottle of water in one hand.

“If I wasn’t painfully aware of your personality I’d probably faint right now,” Sana teased as Jeongyeon sat next to her. “Yoo Jeongyeon, all sweaty and messy, making her way towards me in slow motion like a dream…”

“Oh my God, shut up.” Jeongyeon pushed her with her shoulder and Sana laughed loudly. “You say that as if people didn’t want your naked body all the time, too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sana crossed her legs, grabbing the bottle from Jeongyeon’s hand.

“Right. How many people did you kiss and never texted back last semester, again?”

“You make me sound like a slut.”

“We accept the titles we think we deserve.” Jeongyeon might be an athlete at heart, but her soul still belonged to the Fine Arts. Sana didn’t know a single person who had watched more movies than her, and their friends always asked her for recommendations based on their moods. Jeongyeon had the most sacred pen-drive in the whole campus, too, making her known not only for her basketball skills, but also for the pirated movie library she carried around in her pocket.

Really, everyone wanted a piece of Jeongyeon for lots of different reasons.

“So, what’s up?”

“Well…” Sana paused for a second, thinking about the best way to go about this. “As you know, our talented friend Im Nayeon has been having a few problems lately.”

“She has?” Jeongyeon’s features became serious, the playful aura vanishing into thin air. It was always like this when it came to Nayeon.

“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” Sana placed her bandaged hand on her friend’s thigh. “She probably didn’t want to worry you…”

“What happened?”

“Well, you see…” Sana looked down, bangs falling on her eyes. “She’s feeling isolated lately. It’s like the people from the Drama Club found a new toy to play with, and discarded her.”

Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow, skeptically. “That doesn’t sound like something they would do.”

“Oh, but they did! Nayeon told me off-handedly in a conversation yesterday.” She forced her eyes to become watery. “She made it seem like it was a joke, but I could feel the call for help in her voice.”

“Uh-huh.”

“So, then I remembered!” Sana shifted closer to her. “There is a party going on tonight. A Drama Club party. And Nayeon is going to be there, of course.”

“Hm.”

“And can you imagine leaving her all alone with a bunch of people who are surely going to ignore her and make her feel terrible about herself? So, as her faithful friends, I thought that we should attend—”

“You want to drag me to the Drama Club party.”

“Oh, I’m so glad Nayeon can count on you!” Sana threw her arms around Jeongyeon’s shoulders and the athlete just sighed, pushing her away.

“Not happening.”

“What!” Sana moved back, in shock. “Why not??”

“I actually have a test tomorrow that I have to study for,” Jeongyeon smirked, getting up. “And it’s not even an excuse. I’d tell you if it was because I hate those drama kids anyway.”

“Oh, come on, not you too.” She got up as well, latching herself to Jeongyeon’s arm. “Your roommate brainwashed you!”

“Momo didn’t brainwash anyone, I hated them way before she did.”

“So it was you who brainwashed her! How dare you, you know how easily influenceable she is.”

The two girls made their way out of the gym slowly, Jeongyeon shooting toothy grins and waves to some of her female fans on her way out, and Sana was still talking her ear off and trying to convince her. The athlete pretended to listen, but her mind was made about the issue.

The reason she didn’t get along with the theater students was pretty much the same as Momo’s – they had stolen Nayeon from the group. And it was fine, Nayeon was her own person anyway, it’s not like she belonged to anyone in the first place, but Jeongyeon had every right to not want to get near them for as long as she could manage. There was no way in hell she was going to attend a party filled with drama rats.

“Sana, can’t you ask someone else?” Jeongyeon interrupted her friend’s monologue when they reached the locker room, wriggling her arm away from her grasp. “You have a lot of friends who are probably going, don’t you?”

“I do, but… I want to go with you guys.” They both knew what she meant by that – the original nine. “And Momo is not going, neither is Chaeyoung, Tzuyu is sick…”

“Mina?”

Sana bit her lip, crossing her arms. “She’s going, but… it’s complicated.”

Jeongyeon hummed at this. “Interesting.”

“What does that mean?”

“Mina doesn’t like to party much, that’s all.” She then frowned. “Wait, are you guys fighting?”

“What makes you say that?”

“The fact that Mina is going and Momo isn’t. And you clearly wanting to avoid Mina at that party.”

She wasn’t exactly wrong, but there was no way Sana could explain what was going on. It was too tiring and too complex; she didn’t even understand it that well herself. “We’re not fighting, it’s just… a temporary setback.”

“If you say so,” Then a pause. “She’s okay, though, right? Mina, I mean.”

Jeongyeon’s concern for Mina was something that dated back from their high school years, and Sana thought it was the sweetest thing. She almost sighed at the whole scenario – poor Jeongyeon had no idea that she was involved in the mess as well. She’d rather not tell her right now, though; it would only make more questions pop up.

“Yeah, she’s alright.” Sana smiled sincerely, and it was all Jeongyeon needed to believe her. Minatozaki Sana might be a vixen and mess with people a lot to get what she wants, but it was easy to know when she was being truthful. It was rare for her to be a manipulative ass to their group of friends, too.

“That’s good.” Jeongyeon turned around to get into the locker room. “I’ll see you later, okay? Good luck with the party.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sana slapped her butt playfully. “Go shower, you stink.”

“And, uh…” Jeongyeon scratched the back of her neck. “If you or Mina need some help, don’t hesitate to tell me, okay?”

Sana looked at her sympathetically – she didn’t need to add the ‘you’ at the sentence, Sana knew exactly who she was worried about.

It’s always been like this ever since she could remember: Jeongyeon looked after Mina all the time, and when she wasn’t with her, she was asking about her. She did this to the whole group, like a silent protector, but with Mina things were different. She was more tender, spoke softly, looked at her gently. Sana was the first to notice, but didn’t say anything.

“Will do, Romeo.” She replied teasingly, earning an eye roll from her friend. Jeongyeon finally bid her goodbye and they parted ways. Sana couldn’t help but to sigh at the whole tragedy.

“You need to stop being so caring, Jeong.” She whispered to herself, then moved to her next target. She wasn’t giving up just yet.

--

The first thing Momo wanted to do once she got back to her room was shower, then eat a protein bar. Her stomach was pretty much gnawing at itself, all thanks to that stupid diet she decided to start at the beginning of the year. The results were apparent once she looked at her abs in the mirror, but that didn’t mean she got used to eating like a rodent once every three hours.

She had just left her last class for the day and was making her way towards the building’s exit when she bumped into someone.

“Sorr—” Then she smelled the perfume. “Nabongs?”

“Momoring!” Nayeon’s expression lit up and she side-hugged her friend despite carrying a huge book in her arms. “I was going to call you later.”

“Oh, well. I’m here now,” She looked at the way Nayeon seemed to be having trouble carrying whatever that book was and immediately reached out. “Let me carry that.”

“Huh? Oh no, it’s okay!” But of course, Momo wouldn’t take a no for an answer, and she gave her the book with a sigh. “I swear, you’re turning into Jeongyeon with this whole ‘knight in shining armor’ act you two have going on.”

“A hotter version of Jeongyeon, right?” Momo couldn’t help but to tease despite her beating heart. She didn’t want to behave differently around Nayeon, it didn’t matter what her stupid feelings told her, and she wasn’t going to. She treasured their friendship too much for that.

Nayeon’s eyes slid from her face to her apparent muscles and smirked. “Perhaps. I’ll let you know.”

Momo pushed her gently with her shoulder and the two started walking. “Where to?”

“The Drama Club faculty office. This thing you’re carrying is the list of all the party guests for tonight,” Nayeon stared back at Momo. “Which is what I was going to ask you later. Are you coming?”

Momo opened her mouth to answer but spotted someone in the distance. It wasn’t hard to recognize Sana, even in the middle of a crowd, and Momo didn’t want to go through that whole trouble again. She knew that if Sana saw them together, she would use some very convincing arguments that would make Nayeon turn against her and force her to go to the stupid party.

“Shit, come here,” Momo pulled Nayeon by the sleeve to the opposite direction and walked faster with her until she was sure they were out of sight. Sana never ran, anyway.

“Who are you running from?” Nayeon asked in between chuckles.

“No one. Never mind that,” Momo sighed and resumed their path – she unfortunately knew exactly where the Drama Club faculty office was thanks to months of keeping an eye on Nayeon’s endeavors. “About the party, I don’t think I’m going.”

“Aw, really?” It was a lot harder to remain stoic when it was Nayeon whining at her general direction. “I was hoping you’d go. Mina and Dahyun are the only ones going from what I know. Haven’t talked to the others yet, but I doubt they would.” Then she thought a bit more. “I mean, Sana’s going, but she’s at every party, so.”

“That’s true,” Momo giggled, turning right at a corridor. “I’m just not really in the mood, I guess. Jeongyeon is gonna study for an exam so I think I’ll stay with her this time. Watch a movie from her holy pen-drive, eat something healthy.”

“You’re still dieting?” Nayeon looked upset. “Momo, you’re going to vanish if you don’t eat more.”

“Just for a few more months.” She smiled, despite the harsh tone. She appreciated when Nayeon showed her concerned side; it was a rare sight. “I promise I’ll eat more starting this Fall.”

Nayeon, seemingly unconvinced, stepped in front of her, making the brunette halt. “Look at me in the eyes and promise me you’ll stop obsessing over a perfect body and eat.”

And it shouldn’t be hard to do something so simple like that, but Nayeon became incredibly attractive when she was mad and demanding, and Momo could feel her cheeks heating up. She hated that feeling in the pit of her stomach that resurfaced every time Nayeon was close to her, paying attention to her, worrying about her, because hell, isn’t this what friends are supposed to do for each other? Worry and make sure they are okay? It drove Momo insane, sometimes.

After a nervous laugh and an eye roll, Momo finally stared into Nayeon’s eyes.

God.

She’s so beautiful it hurts.

“I promise.” She was glad her voice didn’t waver as much as her heart.

Nayeon squinted, but eventually smiled, teeth and all, and Momo wanted to tell her how much she loved her smile.

“Good.” She turned around and bounced up and down the rest of the way, with Momo’s eyes following her every move.

It was hard, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but to smile dumbly at the girl in front of her. Everything about Nayeon felt alive; she had this aura that spread to others and made them absolutely infatuated with her. Sure, she was self-centered and could be extremely annoying if you didn’t know how to deal with her flamboyant personality, but Momo had been by her side long enough to admire even the ugliest parts of her.

And she loved every bit of it.

Thinking about how easily she’d fallen for this girl made something gnaw at Momo’s stomach, and it wasn’t hunger this time. She had this sudden urge to do something stupid that would end up hurting her, but—

The words left her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Actually,” She was going to regret this. “I think I might go.”

Nayeon nearly tripped and Momo was by her side in seconds, checking if she was okay. “You will?” Her gummy grin was back, and close, and beautiful.

Momo’s eyes flickered towards her lips for a split second. “Yeah,” And then, “Can’t let the drama nerds steal you from me all the time.”

Nayeon’s expression was unreadable, but Momo was okay with it; she wanted to be with her, so she was going to.

Then the actress simply grabbed the book from Momo’s hand and dropped it on the floor, giving her a pen out of nowhere. “Then sign your name, Hirai.”

The way she said that was exhilarating for some reason. It felt like signing a death sentence.

She was suddenly excited for the party.

--

Sana was tired.

None of her most important friends wanted to accompany her to a simple party, her feet hurt from running around campus the whole day (her pals should really learn how to use a damn cellphone), and her broken wrist was hurting for some obnoxious reason.

After walking into the main building, Sana sat down with her back touching the nearest wall and sighed, burying her head on her arms. She knew no one would bother asking if she was okay, students in that same position in the middle of the hallway were a common sight, especially near finals. Maybe one or two professors might wonder, but they would probably just walk by as if nothing was wrong, and Sana appreciated that.

The evening classes were about to begin, but at that time the place was almost empty – like a limbo in between shifts. Janitors cleaned the bathrooms and courtyard, students walked back to their dorms (mostly getting ready for the party), and the setting sun glowed orange against the white walls.

Sana lifted her head, pressing her cheek against her good arm and watched as the birds flied outside.

Then she felt someone sitting down next do her. The warmth was familiar and she smiled, closing her eyes.

“Hard day?” The voice was so tender and relieving. Sana felt all of her worries floating away.

“Yeah,” She mumbled in reply. “I ran around campus all day. Almost tripped again, saw some people who recognized me, but I didn’t recognize them.”

“And then?”

“Argued with my friends. None of them wanted to help me, can you believe it?”

“Oh no.”

“Then I got tired. Decided to think about my life a little bit,” Sana opened her eyes, looking forward. “Lots of people call me easy, did you know that? Fake, a show off, that girl who slept with the whole Arts Department.”

The girl next to Sana shifted closer, touching shoulders with her.

“I know that I don’t own people anything. But sometimes I wonder if they’re right.” Then Sana finally turned her head to the girl. “Pathetic, right?”

“A little bit, yes.” The girl answered and smiled. Sana smiled back and they just stared at each other for a long time, Sana’s expression softening. She straightened her back and sighed, leaning her head on the girl’s shoulder.

“Come to the party with me?”

Jihyo leaned her head on top of hers. “Will that make you stop spitting bullshit about your perfect, talented, beautiful self?”

Sana giggled, hiding her face on Jihyo’s neck. She absolutely loved her friend. “Yeah.”

“Then I’ll come.”

And just like that, she found some company, and felt less alone. Maybe there was a lesson to be learned from all of this.

Maybe she should stop chasing people and wait for them to come to her.

--

Chaeyoung knocked on her bedroom’s door three times, then walked in silently. The lights were on, so that meant her patient was awake. She felt a bit concerned about this; she wanted Tzuyu to get as much rest as possible – it was never easy to miss three days of classes in a row. Sure, Chaeyoung brought back her homework and notes every day, but she wasn’t exactly the best teacher around.

“Tzuyu?” Chaeyoung approached the girl carefully. She was lying in bed, a bowl of soup next to her nightstand and the TV remote on her hand.

“Hey,” Tzuyu greeted her with a weak voice. She’d been getting better from her cold, but her throat was still hurting, so she tried to speak the least she could. “Dahyun brought dinner.”

Turning around to face the bathroom, Chaeyoung now realized that their other roommate was the reason Tzuyu wasn’t sleeping right now. “Well, it’s the least she could do after waking you up.”

“I live here too, you ass!” Dahyun yelled from the bathroom, which made the two younger girls laugh a little. Their room was usually messy because there were three of them, but today it was especially so – all thanks to Dahyun getting ready for this crazy party.

“It feels like a hurricane passed through here.” Chaeyoung walked into the bathroom to wash her paint-stained hands and nearly choked at the sight.

“A girl needs to be pretty, and being pretty is messy.” Dahyun’s makeup was literally half finished; she had this bizarre habit of completing one eye first and leaving the other completely clean. She said that it gave her a perspective, but it honestly made Chaeyoung laugh every time. “What?”

“Your stupid makeup.”

“It’s art, Son Chaeyoung. Art takes time.” Kim Dahyun was already extremely expressive, but with one small eye and one big one, she became the pinnacle of comedy. “Stop laughing! Go take care of Tzuyu, this bathroom is too small for two people.”

“Oh, man…” Chaeyoung wiped a tear from laughing too hard, but obliged.

“How is she?” Tzuyu asked, genuinely curious.

“I’ll sketch her later, I won’t be able to take that image off my head,” Chaeyoung replied, regaining her breath. Tzuyu laughed too, but started coughing. That made every protective instinct on Chaeyoung’s body act, and she sat down by her bed, grabbing the cup of water near the shelf.

“Here, drink.”

“Thank you,” Tzuyu swallowed the liquid and sighed, relieved. “I hate this stupid cold.”

“It’ll pass soon enough.” Chaeyoung’s features softened and she reached out to pat Tzuyu’s hair gently. Then she grabbed the bowl of soup. “Eat.” It was just natural to feed her at this point, and Tzuyu wasn’t complaining.

They chatted for a while, Chaeyoung told her about her day, and Tzuyu kept worrying about her photography project not being finished on time because she was sick. The painter assured her that she’d help her out once she was feeling better, and Tzuyu thanked her.

There was an element of softness between the youngest members of their group of friends – except for Dahyun, but that was another story completely. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu had always worked well together and gotten along better than most people. They’ve never had a real, bad fight before, because there was no reason to; they’ve always dialogued honestly and openly about their issues, so nothing had ever felt off with them.

They didn’t hide secrets from each other.

(Except that Chaeyoung was hiding one.

She just couldn’t tell anyone.)

After a while, the soup was finished, the TV program was fairly decent, and Dahyun was out of the bathroom – now with makeup on both sides of her face. “How do I look?”

“Like Dahyun.” Both girls answered at the same time and high-fived.

“Real helpful.”

“You look good.” Tzuyu said, honestly.

“Don’t forget to take your keys with you. You know we’ll be sleeping by the time you come back,” Chaeyoung warned her, getting up to put on her pajamas.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Dahyun searched for her wallet and keys and put them all inside her purse. Looking around one more time to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything, she nodded to herself. “Well, I’m going. Behave, don’t break stuff, sleep early, don’t watch porn on my Pay-per-view account.”

“As if.” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes. “Don’t get too drunk, I’m not taking care of you when you come back.”

Despite the hostile way they spitted words at each other, Chaeyoung and Dahyun hugged, and Tzuyu watched them fondly. They were still close friends, after all. “Rest well, Tzuyu.” Dahyun planted a kiss on top of her head, then jumped back, opening the door. “Goodbye, toddlers!”

It was incredible how quiet the atmosphere became once Dahyun was gone.

“She gives me a headache.” Chaeyoung complained taking off her shirt.

“She’s a lot to handle, yes.” Tzuyu agreed. “But our group wouldn’t be the same without her.”

“That’s the worst part,” There was a smile in her voice. “She’s as dense as she’s annoying.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” Chaeyoung forgot that Tzuyu didn’t know about the whole drama with Sana and Dahyun, and bit her tongue. Once she was done changing, she grabbed the pillow from her own bed and climbed back on Tzuyu’s, getting comfortable under the sheets. The youngest girl giggled.

“You’re gonna get sick if you stay near me.”

“Don’t care,” She answered sitting against the headboard. “I want to be with you.”

Tzuyu looked down shyly, but didn’t complain.

“Besides, the TV is right in front of your bed.” Chaeyoung added later, receiving lots of slaps in return. She laughed and grabbed Tzuyu’s hand. “Okay, okay, I’m kidding!”

“You also give me a headache, sometimes.” Tzuyu teased, but leaned her head on Chaeyoung’s shoulder. They stood in silence after this, enjoying each other’s company and watching a cooking show together. They were still holding hands, and Tzuyu intertwined their fingers at some point, which made Chaeyoung’s heart skip a beat. She didn’t move them, however, and pretended not to notice.

Tzuyu’s medicine was making her sleepy, and it didn’t take long for her to nod off on Chaeyoung’s shoulder. Her little snores were really cute, and that was how you knew she was deep asleep.

Carefully, Chaeyoung got up and turned off the lights. She was about to head to her own bed when she heard Tzuyu mumbling something in her sleep.

“Stay here…”

Chaeyoung’s heart constricted inside her chest and she bit her lip, sighing. Moving back to Tzuyu’s bed, she grabbed a few cushions from their sofa and tucked them under the girl’s chin. Apparently convinced that there was now a warm body next to her, Tzuyu dozed off again. Chaeyoung let out a relieved breath and climbed on her own bed.

She turned off the TV and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the pain inside her chest.

Chaeyoung had a secret that she couldn’t tell anyone.

And she wouldn’t allow herself to indulge in it, either.

--

“I’ll see you tomorrow, professor.” Jeongyeon bid her Literature teacher goodbye and finally let out a yawn she’d been holding for the sake of her reputation. She loved Miss Sunmi to bits, but her class was dense and filled with too much information. She wanted to do well on tomorrow’s test, so she had asked for an extra lesson in the evening. Now that it was done, she could finally go back to her room and relax.

But there was still something tugging at her heart, and she wanted to make this weird feeling go away before going to bed. She grabbed her phone and dialed. It rang twice, then the person picked up.

“Minari?”

“Jeongyeon,” Her voice seemed cheerful, which was good. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Jeongyeon replied, smiling softly. “A little tired, honestly. Training was hard, and I just left an extra Lit class.”

“Look at you, studying hard.”

“Someone’s gotta do it. You can’t be the only smart one in the group.”

Mina giggled softly like she always did and Jeongyeon felt lighter. “I’m glad you’re committed to stealing my title.”

“Yeah…” She ruffled her hair a little bit. “Listen, Sana told me you’re going to the party tonight.”

Mina stood in silence for a couple of seconds. “I am. I thought I’d try this whole ‘socializing’ thing before graduating.” She cleared her throat. “Besides, Nayeon will be there. If everything goes wrong I can always stick to her like glue.”

Jeongyeon turned left and started walking downstairs, imagining the scene. “You do know that this is the Drama Club party, right?”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I doubt she’ll be left alone for a second,” She let out a breathless laugh. “Those theater kids worship her like some kind of goddess. Which is understandable, honestly.”

“Hmm, I suppose.” Mina sounded down all of a sudden, but it might’ve been Jeongyeon’s imagination. “Well, Dahyun will be there too, regardless. Who knows, I might make some friends.”

“Yeah, who knows.” The conversation trailed off and they stood in silence for a bit. It wasn’t uncomfortable, however; Mina and Jeongyeon could stay on the phone for hours without really talking about anything and it still felt nice. They had this kind of relationship.

“Is that all you wanted to ask me?” Mina spoke up suddenly, snapping Jeongyeon out of whatever trance she was in.

“Oh, um… Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you’d be okay.”

“As usual.” She could hear the gentle smile in Mina’s voice.

“As usual.” Jeongyeon replied. More silence followed and soon she was at the dorms. “Well… I gotta go. Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do.”

“I mean that. You can call me at four in the morning—”

“And you’ll pick up. I know.”

“Yeah. Okay,” She laughed awkwardly and climbed the last set of stairs before coming face to face with her door. “Have fun.”

“I will.” Then a few moments later. “…Thank you for calling.”

“No problem.” Jeongyeon stood in front of her door with a dumb grin plastered on her face. “See you.”

They finally hung up and the athlete sighed, looking at her phone. Despite having made sure that Mina was alright, she was still antsy for some reason. Jeongyeon shook her head pushing the thoughts away, and finally opened her door. She was going to have a study session and couldn’t be bothered by a senseless anxiety.

She took one step into the room and was greeted by a mess of clothes on Momo’s bed, with said girl applying lipstick on the mirror next to the bathroom. That was unexpected.

“Uh… Sana told me you weren’t going?” It was more of a question.

“Change of plans,” Momo answered, shrugging. Then she turned around. “Should I go with a top or a shirt?”

“Do you want people to see your abs?”

“Yes.”

“Top.”

Momo smirked and walked back into the bathroom to finish her makeup. Jeongyeon threw her bag on her chair and jumped into her bed, staring at the ceiling for a bit, then back at the clothes. Seeing Momo getting ready for the party made something snap inside of her and she frowned, closing her eyes. Then she opened them again, rolled on her stomach and scratched her head.

Ah, fuck it.

Once Momo was done, she walked out of the bathroom and halted at the scene. “What are you doing?”

“Being dragged to this damn party.”

“…By whom?”

Jeongyeon sighed, grabbing her best outfit. “By my stupidity, apparently.”

Momo raised an eyebrow, then laughed. “That makes both of us, then.”

This was either going to be great, or suck in astronomical levels.

Honestly, Momo couldn’t wait to find out which.

[tumblunni]

BUNNI WATCHES RANDOM OUT OF ORDER SINNOH EPISODES THAT WERE LEFT ON THIS HARD DRIVE I GUESS

Today is diamond and pearl season one episode 28 "Drifloon On The Wind!"

Huh this one had a cold open showing the climactic moment from the end of the episode before it actually happened. Thats the first time i recall the anime doing that? I thougjt initially it was a flashback and i missed the first of a two parter.

Such a cool neat weird premise! A traditional pokemon centre out in the countryside! That adds so much worldbuilding to the setting! They never state it in the english dub but it seems to be a joke on a japanese onsen? (An inn built around hot springs) the archetecture just seems to be very similar, and from what i've seen in anime the "my mum and my mum's mum and my mum's mum's mum worked here" thing is a common trope. The nurse joy family is probably a joke to exaggerate it? Also i loved the scene where Brock is like "wait what the fuck this identical nurse joy is actually old enough to have a daughter ash's age and also OH NO A WEDDING RIIIIIING" And then he thankfully,blissfully GAVE UP and we had one nurse joy centric episode without him being a fuckboi. Seriously, the older you get the less funny you find brock, it sucks that the stuff that's meant to be over the top jokes is now barely more exaggerated than how some dudes act in real life. All you real life brocks, nobody finds you as charming as a fictional goofball! You're just rude! AND REAL BROCKS DONT HAVE A CROAGUNK TO STOP THEM

Anyway i LOVE the cute cottagey aesthetic pokemon center/hotel place! It seems the family mostly treats wild pokemon in the forest and they were actually so surprised to see customers that they thought they were burglars at first! And then daww ash and co help out doing chores to pay them back for the meal and bed even though the family is like 'no dude thats the duty of a pokemon centre'. I think that was a really mature moment for ash? He realized that this pokemon center gets less business than usual ones and figured he should give them a hand. And its so nice to see him being so super excited and wowed by the chores?? Like i mean its CHORES but for him its all so new cos its learning how to work in a pokemon center. Ash's best characrer trait is how his enthusiasm really has no limits, he'll go 100% be the best choremon master ever! Or maybe he was intentionalky being all THIS IS SO FUN because the joy daughters were fighting and he wanted to help cheer them up? In a lot of ways i prefer season 1's bratty egotistical sarcasm ash just cos he had more of a visible personality and you didnt have to sorta sleuth it out like this and always be left wondering whether they really meant to write nice-Ash this way or you're just imagining it. But when nice-Ash has monents like this he's way better and i just wish it hapoened more often and was 100% confirmed, yknow? Most of the time in sinnoh he feels less like nice-ash and more like nothing-ash or changes-every-day-into-whatever-the-plot-requires-him-to-be-ash. But in sun and moon season they have all those more slice of lifey and emltional plots and he's the more nicer ash that i always wanted, and i love it!

Anyway lol im going wildly off topic. Also fun fact i spell "the" wrong so much that "tge" is the first result in my autocorrect now...

Another thing i like is that these Joys seem to be a ghost type specialist family? The kids have a big pile of drifloon cuties and when the gang first arrived they saw a bunch of happy gastlys enjoying their stay at the inn. I like to think maybe all the ghosts they have are "drifty" types like that? I feel that the writers ppicked gastly cos the pokedex entry saying they blow away on the wind like drifloon. Cos this is actually the valley windworks adaptation episode! That was such a nice surprise when it turned out momma joy's husband was the windmill electrician guy!! He looks SO cute in the anime too! He's really chubby and has such a nice round face with a button nose and big anime eyes and a cute turquoise jacket electrician uniforn thing. And he's funny and goofy with his kids and very caribg and cautious about letting them ride home alone in the bad weather, and also he's a GIANT BADASS with an ampharos that thunderpunches the shit out of team rocket and defeats them before ash can even get there lol! Actually they never show what momma joy's main pokemon is? I like to think maybe its a gengar cos thats the most chansey-ish ghost type. And also itd mean the chubby guy has a tall and thin pokemon and his tall and thin wife has a chubby pokemon. Theyre such a cute couple so itd be even cuter!

Oh and i forgot to mention that everyone travels around via drifloon??? Thats so surreal when you consider their pokedex entries saying them carrying children is a bad thing that means theyre kidnapoing them. Like, they domesticated a very dangerous pokemon and now it uses its dangerousness for the powers of good instead! Maybe its just the anime censoring a scary thing or maybe it was intentional to show how badass this momma joy is that she could tame so many spoopy ghosts that everyone thinks are pure evil? Seriously i LOVE how they show this family working to protect and heal the local wild pokemon and them all being super friendly to humans because of it. And it makes sense theyd be ghost tyoe trainers cos if youre befriending all the pokemon in a forest youre bound to find a few lost souls. Mountains and forests are like the deadliest areas for travellers so mountain forests especially so! Everyone's lucky they have this badass family team watching over the area like guardian spirits~

OH SPEAKING OF WHICH

I forgot to mention that the main conflict of the episode is that the joy sisters have a fight because the older sister is a bit overprotective and dismissive of her little sister, causing her to be reckless and get lost trying to "be grown up and help mommy". And in the end the big sister rescues her with the help of the guardian spirit of the hot springs and they reconcile their differences and have big cute hugs! Its all very well written and dramatic actually.i really felt for the older sister's determination to save her, and i felt it was a good case of a conflict where both of them were wrong and both made mistakes and it was just like they coulda avoided those mistakes if they talked it out better. And both of them had a point at the same time, yknow? So it didnt end with either of them losing the argument or anything, it was more like the lesson is just to appreciate your siblings while theyre there and also talk about your problems in clear language with younger kids instead of using excuses like "you just cant, cos im older and i said so".

Oh also SUICUNE!

The super onsen spirit is suicune?? The little sister just casually mentions her biggest best friend in the forest is suicune and is surprised when ash says its a legendary! Wow thats actually a really cool idea? You wouldnt necessarily think of it cos you kinda think of hot springs for the hot part but theyre also a sort of super clean water like how suicune is meant to be able to purify polluted lakes. Maybe it came here to make its nest cos places that are already purified are comforting to someone who wanders the earth blasting stinky water with its powers every day. I like to think maybe this is the same suicune from Generations where they said the legendary beasts are roaming legendaries because humans treated them as demons when they first walked out of the ashes, and now theyre still scared of us even centuries later. Itd be sad if they literally kept running forever, so i like to think they all have a comforting spot to sleep in, somewhere. And for suicune its this little isolated lake in the sinnoh region which used to be super far away from human civilization. But then this family's ancestors built this hospital here and suicune was initially like "oh no my house is ruined" but then it saw that these humans were helping protect tge forest pokemon too. So its like "ah fellow coworkers" and theyre the only humans it trusts. And whenever theyre in trouble it sneakily helps them and dashes away before it can be seen, but one day it got unlucky and the kids saw it and now OH NO it is stuck havibg CUTE TINY FRIENDS! I bet the littlest joy just treats suicune like a big puppy, and this great noble beast of legend plays along because it loves her so much. But if anyone else sees it demeaning itself with a game of fetch, it would be Total Social Death In The Legendaries Club

Anyway there's some cute moments of Emotionally Wise Kind Ash The Best Of All Ashes where he finds the lost little-joy and he tries to cheer her up when she's scared by the storm and keep her dry from the rain. And he has absolute faith that his friends will come to save them both! The only thing i think coukd have maybe made it better is if the big sister joy didnt beleive in suicune? Cos it just ends with her going to ask suicune for help and then suicune helps. There's a lack of tension cos you know suicune could easily resolve all this and you already know suicune is real cos the lil sis says that big sis told her to keep it a secret cos its a Big Deal and Bad People Could Take Suicune Away and stuff. Like it might have worked better if the big sis thought that little sis was just making up rumours to be all boastful, or playing with an imaginary friend. Then her going to ask suicune for help would have symbolized something, yknow? And the audience might have been tense about whether it was real or not.

But even without that added suggestion it was still a great episode! Lots of cuteness, emotionalness, familyness and a few great jokes along the way! Also i just loved them giving unique character designs and a full backstory to these minor npcs from the game. Whenever i play it now i'm totally gonna headcanon this all as true! I mean all we know about the daughter character in the game is that she says "papa youre stinky but i still love you" and that feels very in character for the slightly mischievious little sis joy that we meet in this episode. Though you only see the one daughter and she acts like she hasnt caught a drifloon yet and dreams of seeing it if you can fix the windmill problems so it'll come back. So maybe the game version takes place a little before the anime? Like, that daughter is the engineer dad's daughter from a previous relationship and the older daughter is joy's daughter from a previous relationship. And i dunno maybe lil daughter's hair colour actually is the generic npc brown from the games but she begged her momma to dye it so she could match. Like she just loves her new momma and sister so much!! And now the struggling mountain poke-center is doing better because both parents work difderent jobs now and have enough money combined to be able to keep the family in a better quality of life. And maybe the team galactic incident at the valley windworks got it a bit of publicity as a tourist destination? and after the daughter caught that drifloon everyone who visited was like GOSH ITS SO CUTIE and the dad was like "yes our special windmill attracts these pokemon that are normally only found high up on the mountains, speaking of which my wife runs an inn up there and you can go on pokemon wildlife tours to see them in their natural habitat!" And just I LOVE THESE GUYS AND I WANT THEM TO HAVE ALL THE SUCCESS IN THEIR LIFE!! There is NOTHING better than "hey we're adapting this gane what should we do?" "Add MORE FAMBLY" Like oh my god whoever had that wonderful idea should be promoted!

Thus ends bunni's disjointed review of FAMBLY EPISODE

[mental-health-advice]

tag 21 i feel like i have no good people in my life. i have a good family, and i'm grateful for that. but i don't get exited to hang out with them. i hate my friends. they're so mean and they annoy me. i don't look forward to talking to anybody or socializing with anyone, because i don't have anybody that i like. it's like i'm always dreaming of these great people. sometimes platonic, usually romantic. i want a boyfriend, but i also just want to have someone that i actually enjoy being (part 1)

21 part 2 around or get excited to talk to. i have nobody. i know you’ll probably tell me to “make new friends”, but i have social anxiety & i’m too scared. also at this point in high school (grade 11) everyone already has their friend group. i want to get a job, so i can meet new people and to make money (im broke and it’s really stressful) but i’m just so scared. i want to have good people in my life. nice people, cool people. people that i actually want to be around. sometimes i feel like i’m

21 part 3 asking for too much, and my standards are too high. cus i spend so much time daydreaming about these great people and this great life, and nothing will ever live up. but my friends are really terrible, and i’m so lonely. & i don’t know what i’ll do after high school. cus i don’t know how to meet or talk to new people, but i want new friends. i guess i’m just lonely. & maybe good people will never exist for me. but how do i cope with that? what do you do when you feel so alone?

Hey love,

I’m really sorry that you have been feeling like this. I understand that things are not easy for you right now. I hope I can help you!

First, I just want to let you know that I’m glad to hear that your family is good. Now, I’m really sorry your friends are like this. They really do not sound like the best friends if they are mean to you. I know you don’t look forward to socializing and I get that, especially if these friends are not too wonderful to you. You do deserve to have good people in your life and I really think you can find those good people. It’s understandable that you want a boyfriend or just someone that is good to you. Like I said, you deserve that. Good people do exist, but they are not easy to find!

So, socializing can be really difficult, especially if you do have social anxiety, Like you said, making new friends is scary! I understand that people already have their friend groups, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be in one or find a friend from one of those groups. Getting a job can totally help you, as you will be able to meet new people and maybe become closer to them. It’s hard to find a job, but that’s definitely a good option. I know you are scared, but maybe you could take it a step at a time. For me, I hate talking to people, but I do love my job. I was able to make good friends because we bond over our work and have something to talk about. So, if you can find something that is interesting to you, or somewhere you could work that you’d be comfortable in, I’d suggest starting there! Maybe you could talk to your family about getting a job, I’m sure they would want to help.

Another thing you could try is an outside activity. Maybe you could try joining some kind of community or volunteer group near you. If you do this, you would be able to find people you have something in common with someone. You also have something to talk about, which makes it a bit easier to start a conversation. For example, if you want to take an art class, you could ask someone what they are drawing. There may also be clubs at school that you could try to join. I joined an acapella music group because I like to sing and it helped me talk to new people! So, I’d suggest trying an outside activity!

Love, I don’t think you are asking for too much. I think you deserve to have good friends and social anxiety just makes things more difficult. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with this, but you are not alone. You may feel lonely, but I feel the way you do a lot of the time. What has helped me is reminding myself that I actually have to approach or talk to people. I met my first friend in college by asking for a pen, so I worked up the courage and it helped me. It was not easy, but it was a big deal for me. So, you could ask someone to borrow something or for notes you might’ve missed. You could even try to agree with what someone has said in a conversation you heard, which can spark a friendship. Putting yourself out there is hard, but it is a huge step in trying to overcome social anxiety. It’s okay if you are ignored, but what’s important is to try! What is important to realize is that people are not thinking about what you are doing or saying, they are focused on themselves.

I understand that you feel lonely because of your friends. But, you did say you have a good family. Could you talk to them about how you have been feeling? It might be good to talk to them because they can give you some advice! Also, I know you get annoyed by your friends, but is there anyway you could talk to them and tell them how you feel? It’s not fair that they are terrible to you. You can just explain to them that you are feeling lonely and maybe they can help you! Sometimes people don’t know they aren’t being great until they are told. You could even write them a letter explaining what’s been going on. Talking to them could help, but I know that isn’t the simplest thing to do.

Finally, it may help to see a school counselor or a professional. They can help you with your social anxiety for sure. I know that my school counselor helped me when I first started college, so it can work! Anxiety stinks, but you can overcome it. It’s normal to be scared and want the things you want, and getting help is a big step in getting through this! Also, calming techniques can really help when you are anxiety. We also have a self-help page which may help!

“It is absolutely positively okay to ask for help. It simply means you’re human. Help is real and it is possible; people find it every day.”

Best wishes,

-Trish

[aprito]

SasoSaku Xmas Collab

notes modern college au bc im a sucker for cute couple holidays and cringy refs to social media. sasori and sakura have a 2 yr age difference. collab with the amazingly talented and super sweet friend YakumoDT!! you can find them on Pixiv and Twitter and they are definitely worth checking out!!!

AO3 || FFnet

…

…

…

“Wait, keep the door open!” Sakura shouts from the other side of the subway entrance towards an elderly man planning to enter the transport, dragging a very, very out-of-breath Sasori behind her. She enters into a sprint, and successfully manages to close in on the door before it could close in on them.

Sakura quickly thanks the man before sitting down in the relatively empty wagon, and Sasori plops into the seat beside her, struggling to breathe properly through the stitches he must undoubtedly be suffering through right now. Looking around, Sasori concludes that no one of knowledge was around to see him in - what he loved to say - this despicable state, and he lays his head on her shoulder to continue his recovery from near death.

“We wouldn’t have to run if you had told me earlier you wanted to go to the park, y’kno.” Sakura crosses one of her legs over the other, taking out her smartphone in a course of habit.   The startup sound is loud, and she briefly flinches at the echo in the wagon. Damn, forgot the headphones, again. “It’s on the other side of the bridge, after all.”

Sasori doesn’t reply through his irregular breathing – but he probably would if he could.

Sakura was feeling less exhausted than she should, considering they’ve been walking around the city for hours now, stuffed to the brim with dinner and the cakes after, and she hasn’t visited the gym in a good while this season.

Sasori, well–

Let’s just say that Sasori wasn’t enthusiastic about any sport clubs at their University.

“I mean,” Sakura punches the password combination in with one hand while Sasori worms his hand around her other, his eyes glued to a poster about a famous drama stuck to the wall across from the duo. “I wouldn’t have guessed you to be so spontaneous twice in the span of-” A brief calculation of the time between the end of November and today. ”Three weeks.”

In fact, Sasori was the exact opposite of spontaneous, planning all of his projects and events so thoroughly in advance it even kind of helped Sakura improve on her procrastination habits; not that she was all that bad on waiting for deadlines, but she snuck in breaks more often than she likes to admit here and there. Needless to say, she was surprised when he brought up the idea of a date around Christmas, right after she informed him of such event.

The only sound cutting through the quiet was the intercom, informing them that they’re five stops away from their destination, and Sakura opts for silence for the rest of the ride. It wasn’t that she particularly enjoyed the peace  - especially when she was around friends; her need to fill empty spaces with new bits of conversation was an equally stubborn habit of hers -, but the streets of Tokyo just loved to blast whatever fits the mood in this season as loudly as they can over speakers – and on a long term, sometimes a free day at home alone was a needed luxury. The subway in comparison is almost like a liminal space, save for the occasional robotic announcements and opening of doors.  

Sasori doesn’t seem to mind either – but that was expected of his person, anyways.

He nudges her shoulder when their respective stop is announced, and the station is completely devoid of any living souls when they exit the Subway, no doubt that everyone was to be found on the other side of the bridge. Sakura takes the time to shoot a picture of the ghost scenery, and Sasori scoffs.

“Instagram?”

“Duh.”

The park isn’t any better in that regards, but the few streetlights and beautiful scenery of the city across from the river they were near at make up for it.

“Thank you for the dinner, by the way. That was really sweet of you.” Sakura says, scrolling through her social media feed not touched in approximately two days. Pictures of her friends amongst cakes and pets, some choosing to stay inside while others were spending time with their significant others. “Will you let me brag?”

“I don’t even look as presentable as you do in this state.” Sasori huffs beside her, puffs of air disappearing into the dark night, his face reddening from the biting frost. He’s always been more prone to colder temperatures than her, which was no surprise when you knew the south was currently sporting 20°C and above in December. “So, no.”

“Aw, you think I look good.” Sakura doesn’t look up from her phone, but she can clearly imagine the frown adorning her boyfriend’s face.

“Quiet.” His gloved hand around her tightens, and she smiles. Her humor is short lived, however, when Sasori grabs her pink beanie in a swift moment of distraction.

“Hey-” she cuts in, being surprised at all, but her complaint is muted when she sees how utterly ridiculous it looks poorly adjusted on his head, seeing as he was only using one hand to put it on.  She huffs, putting her phone away to help him put the beanie on, properly. They’re nearly the same height to begin with, so it poses less of a problem.

Sasori’s warm breath fans against her face, and she’s aware that protesting his theft is futile.  “Pink really suits you. You’re cute.”

“I’m cold.” Sasori corrects when she pats her hand on his head, beanie successfully covering those red ears of his. She can make out vague mutterings of ‘didn’t bring mine’ when they close their hands back together, and she rolls her eyes at his antics.

“You mean you keep forgetting to bring the ones you stole from me.”

“That is such a harsh wording.”  His lips twitch into what almost passes for a smile. “I borrowed them because pink looks good on me, obviously. I fail to understand your lack of empathy in that situation.”

“Uh-huh.” Her tone is laced with sarcasm, but his silly reply makes her smile all the same. “I can’t believe you’re already graduating in a few months with that attitude.”

“And I-” He nods towards a path that lead a bit astray from the riverside, and they continue their walk into that direction. “Cannot fathom how you still have two years ahead of you.”

Far more if she decided to specialise further, but for now becoming a surgeon was a pretty good plan to accomplish within six years. She squeezes his hand, and he turns his head to look at her.

“Well, if you hadn’t quit medical school.” And didn’t need the money to from tutoring freshmen, like me. “We probably wouldn’t have met in the first place.”

Sasori hums, but his expression doesn’t seem all that regretful. “It just wasn’t the thing for me.”

“I still remember the campus headline about the star student who poisoned cadavers and openly shit-talked my professor in front of everyone just to get kicked off the program. I still wonder who that was?”

Knowing Sasori for a good while now, the culprit didn’t seem to be that far off the mark. She laughs as he shoves her half-heartedly to the side, him being banned from her campus surely a fine reminder of his stint. That didn’t stop him from picking her up once in a while, of course.

“I have to admit, if my mother ever found out I quit medical school for art, she’d surely kick me out of the house. Remember how horrified she was when you admitted it to her?”

“She called me a low life and a freeloader.” His face turns grim at the memory, and she can’t blame him for it, the utter hostility her mother radiated at the dinner table a sight in itself.

“Mom barely missed you with the butter knife, too.”

Sasori shrugs, and Sakura wishes the memory of that humiliating evening would eventually escape her mind as quickly as possible. But hey, at least Dad likes him and his tragically bad puns.

They come to stop before a bench that seemed to not have been used at all, today, and Sasori uses his foot to kick the powdery snow off the surface. It remains as quiet as when they entered the park, streetlamps being the only source of light, and the absence of any curious glances feels vaguely foreign to her.

“To be fair” Sasori begins, their hands still clasped together, their bodies squished close for a tiny bit of shared warmth. “I didn’t expect us to work out either, at the beginning.”

His comment completely throws her out of the loop, and she’s ready to question his line of logic, when he cuts into her own thought before it can escape her mouth. “I’m not ungrateful, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t think we didn’t turn out to be that different from each other, if that’s what you assumed.” She replies, her eyes focused on a streetlamp in front of her instead of the man beside her, but she can see the brief confusion crossing his face, out of the corner of her eye. “I mean, you rubbed off on me a lot, too. Take the sarcasm, for example.”

Sasori snorts. “Bad example.”

“You’re right, we’re also both prone to get cold feet whenever I suggest love hotels.”

“That is even worse.”

“You’re right, how about that one time Deidara nearly walked in on us and we-”

“How did I survive this for four years, again?”

She moves to tap his nose, and he sticks out the tip of his tongue in response. “You deserve four medals of honor, soldier.”

“I deserve a lifetime supply of medals.” He mimics her movements, but opts to pinch her cheek instead, and when he draws his hand back, there’s small chunks of highlighter on his dark gloves. So much for that wonder setting spray.

The past few months flash before her, and as if on cue, she feels oddly melancholic.

“It’s been nearly four years already, huh.” She rests her head on his shoulder, knowing that the mere thought of it shouldn’t be making her depressed, but here it is, crawling it’s way into her mind on restless nights. “I can’t believe you’re going to New York, after this. I always wanted to go there.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to see it, someday.” Sasori is tracing her gloved knuckles with his fingers, but he doesn’t look at her.

She would love to punch herself for her moods, sometimes.

“Promise me you’ll call me at least once a day.” A beat. “Facetime. On Skype.”

“Is American Internet even good enough to sustain the distance?” Sasori’s tone is light, and she’s tempted to box him just for that horrible implication.

She’s glad that he isn’t able to see her from this angle, but she can feel the familiar sting of tears swelling her eyes. Shit.

“I’ll miss you.”

“Sakura, are you crying?” He’s probably heard the irregularity in her voice, damn it.

“I’m just” She separates their hands to wipe her eyes before they can expose her any further. “I’m just really happy for you, that’s all.”

“Ah, about that, actually.” Sasori’s blank expression is mostly in place, of course, but he avoids her gaze, and she’s rarely seen him nervous around her. “I contacted my manager the other day, and called the deal off.”

Sakura’s eyes widen, and she’s utterly dumbfounded at the statement.

…

“What?!” She has to get up just to process her thoughts, because she can’t believe what she just heard. “Why?!”

Sasori looks equally caught off by her reaction, and he buries his hand in the pockets of his outer coat, his body leaning against the bench, relaxed. “I didn’t want to do it.”

It’s not sadness that’s ruling the forefront of her mind right now, but indignation.

“What are you, 12?!” She says, her nails digging into her palms, her loud voice cutting sharp through the quiet, empty environment. “You can’t just call off your future!”

“The decisions mine to make, Sakura.” A beat. “I’m an adult as much as you are.”  

She’s not angry at his attitude – tries not to be – but it’s hard when Sasori looks so completely detached from it. He grabs her wrist, suddenly, and she’s back on the bench, fuming.

“I just turned 24.” He begins, brushing a strand of pink hair that’s hanging flat in front of her face to the side. “I have a good amount of sponsors and commissioners in Japan to begin with. Throwing that away would be just as pointless. Besides” He meets her gaze, and his eyes are devoid of any hesitance. “I wouldn’t want to go where you can’t follow.”

A sense of guilt washes over her anger, and she breaks the eye contact to watch the fresh fall of snow.

He can’t leave because I’m stuck here.

“But…didn’t you say yourself how hard these opportunities were to even come by?”

“They’ll come by again.” He huffs. “You’re more important than my paycheck.”

A drag. You’re a drag, Sakura.  

“Why don’t you just break up with me then?” She can’t believe she’s even blurted that out now, but her mouth has always it’s way of getting her into regretful decisions. “That way you don’t have to-” She’s getting teary again. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Sasori doesn’t seem stunned by her suggestion, however, and the thing’s said faster than her ability to jump into worse confessions. “I believe a proposal would be the complete opposite intention, though.”

“You can call your manager and- wait-”

Did he just-

“What?”

Sasori’s answer is just as elegant as her’s. “Uh, yeah. I-” He seems to fumble for words, almost as if he was flustered. “I want to get married. To you.” He tacks on, like she required a clarification.

The snowflakes are uncaring to the deafening silence around them, and several catch in strands of red hair that poke out of his beanie. Sasori’s pretty brown eyes are glued to her, and she’s sure he’s actually waiting for some sort of response.

Sakura’s face feels warm, and she’s sure that she must be looking like a tomato. The tears she’s been holding back, however, flow freely, grazing her chin and ending in her scarf.

“I hate you so much, right now.” She sniffs, her vision blurring. That’s the last thing she expected to happen, god.

Sasori’s regarding her with worry, and his hands freeze in mid-air, unsure if he should grant her comfort or distance; but her tears weren’t rooted in anger, or sadness, not at all.

“I….I guess if you don’t want to-”

But before he knows it, Sakura buries her face into the crook of his neck and wraps her arms around his shoulders, her voice coming out muffled.

“Of course I want to.”

Arms rest around her torso, and she feels his breath tickling her ear. When she’s calmed her own breathing, he speaks. “Let’s do this properly, then.”

Sasori moves to stand before her while she blows her nose with a tissue, and when he feels that she’s fully  back on track, he coughs into his hand to get her attention. Her eyes are straining to keep themselves open in the biting cold, but something inside of her cracking and bleeding warmth is making her even more jittery.

Sakura hasn’t been this nervous since entering medical school.

Slowly, in all his grace, Sasori – the ever so bashful, arrogant, proud Sasori – lowers his legs until he’s kneeling  front of her, one foot propped on the ground to give him balance in the snow, resembling nothing less but a prince from a distant kingdom wishing to whisk her away in the dead of the night.

He takes her gloved hand with both of his, gently, and she blushes.

“Will you, Sakura Haruno, marry me?” he says, and the words are melodic to her ears – this was her fairytale story.

“A thousand times” She surely must look awful, her makeup smeared and her smile reaching from ear to ear, but there wasn’t anything in this world that would ruin her mood. “Yes.”

He gestures her not to move, fumbling for something in the pockets of his coat, and she patiently waits in anticipation, her hands propped on her knees. He narrows his eyes as he pats around his body impatiently, before realisation finally hits him. He swears quietly, and she’s already knowing what must have happened.

“I… left the ring in the wrong coat, in my Apartment. We have to go back right n-” Sasori is interrupted as Sakura tackles him into the snow, effectively knocking all air out of his lungs. Sakura doesn’t let him collect his bearings as she moves on her own accord, lowering her face until their lips touch.  He hugs her, and they embrace each other, there, in the snow, without a care in the world. It’s not until they run out of air that they part, and she speaks.

“I truly hate you so much, right now.”

There are no fireworks, no grande festival, no masses to share this moment with, but Sasori’s smiling at her, and she wouldn’t trade this view for anything else in this life.

“And I love you, you absolute mess.”

She laughs, teary, and sweeps in for another kiss.

When they’re back on the subway, having caught the last train, Sakura stares at the red string tied around her finger, Sasori’s temporary alternative, said hand intertwined back with Sasori’s and she’s longing to squish the last of her doubts.

“Is this really okay? Not going abroad, I mean.”

“Hey, I surely won’t starve if I were to marry the brilliant future doctor and show-off, Sakura Haruno.”

“Oh, shush you.”

[mceproductions]

October 2018 Blurbs

10/1/18 31 Nights of Halloween, Freeforms inheritence from its previous incarnations, other than the mandated 700 Club. The month between seasons, otherwise known as candy city. Stockholm Syndrome from Willies departure may be setting in as we had a large truck and only 4 of us to do it. I shouldnt be missing his prescence but somehow i am. Remedy is needed soon. 10/2/18 Im A Christmas Guy, love giving gifts out and decorating. Have done so annually for 16 years and it always starts within the first few days of October as i unblock my Holiday themed movie and TV Shows on digital. Looking forward to the next few weeks especially. Brewers NLDS starts Thursday! 10/3/18 The old tutalige of when it rains it pours, reared its ugly head. Flat by Old El Rancho. That really screws things up for me. Hoping for Miracle. 10/4/18 Well, day minus the Brewers coming back, was a bust. Tire was flat. Hoping I can get it either possibly fixed or a cheap replacement. Wondering how ill get to the store tomorrow. 10/5/18 Apparently massive flu spreading around as Mom picked up whatever Dad was sick with. Ended up replacing tire, but with brand new one. Hopeful not mistake. Also affected things at WallyWorld as Linda and Tyler were feeling cruddy. Hopeful I dont get it. Brewers win and truck got fixed. Still undecided on Venom or Gaga for movie on Saturday. 10/6/18 Ended up going with Gaga and was pleasently stunned by both her and Bradley Cooper. Movie was wonderful and that ending was rough, picked up soundtrack to boot. Sort of took longer than I anticipated coming back from EC thanks to BlueGolds Homecoming. Boy colleges take that far more seriously than High School. Panera for dinner was a great alternative as well. 13th Doctor tomorrow before work! FLCL on the other hand...I'll never say the C word to anyone, but Pets was definetly the C Word to Kana. 10/7/18 Man that was emberassing to watch. Green Bay actually played so lousy I watched Doctor Who, and loved the female 13th looking forward to more of her. Final Season of Walking dead also premired. Wonder how Ricks going out. Gunner and his partner are really intolerable. Reporting that asap, the store is not a place for thier private spats. 10/8/18 Columbus getting squeezed out of his own day is the most PC thing that I can get on board with. Nobody gives a crap about the whole Sailed the ocean blue in 1492 thing anymore. Stuff to do including assignments that I have to go to the library to finish. Hoping internet will be back sooner rather than later. 10/9/18 Woke up to flashing lights by house and realized power line got taken down by tree that Dad had pointed out. A bit more broke than I anticipated. Stuff here i have to do anyway and thankfully work will limit my having to go anywhere. Really could use $300 to pay Patti. Brewers will take on Dodgers in NLCS starting Friday. Mad that Conan for all intent and purpose has been cancelled, adpating is one thing but this is a glorified cancellation. 10/10/18 Rain city continues...Puddles in Bravada. On top of it its getting colder. Winter isnt here yet, but the white ravens are taking flight. 10/11/18 Now comes the cold, and first snow of the year. We had it all today cold, wind, sun and snow. 10/12/18 Store gave me a first look at my future. Gaurantee work on Sunday Monday and Friday every week unless i say so. Which other than one day may be saying much. Could use more variety than that. Also stinks NLCS is on when im working. Pulling for Dodgers in at least 1 game so I can see game 5 on wednesday at least. 10/13/18 They have been hyping the crap out of inventory for the past 3 weeks. Now i see why, Clint made a rare Saturday appearance at the store. Hopeful for the next few days. Got my prediction right about game 5 on Wednesday so thats good. Kanye is nuts as usual, and Kana gave me the best reason yet to finally move forward on the FLCL finale. Cold week ahead. 10/14/18 Andrew and his little notes are getting out of hand. Got called in to do truck early as Inventory closes in on Tuesday. Clint on the other hand, i know ive got to not walk off for a few seconds but he really needs to chill for a bit especially cause we both used to be pushing carts in the first months of the store he should know my rhtyms by now. Stinks about Pete Davidson though, really hope he can recover cause i liked him and Ariana as a couple. Rather unfortunate that they split cause she couldnt deal with her ex commiting suicide. 10/15/18 A missing person is a big deal, when you happen to know someone who is related to said missing person, then you know its huge. Jayme Closs, the cousin of Brody being abducted after her parents were gunned down, sad for all. My only issue is brody reatcing to everyones sympathies, overkill a bit. The other issue i have is the amber alert system that can be sent out to phones. With Trumps ability to text everyone in the country I witnessed a bunch of people who got the alert yesterday complain about it, the others who thought she killed them and fled are the bigger morons. Hopefully shes found safe. Other than that, good night for Wisconsin Sports, Brewers are 2 Out from pennant and Rodgers did his thing once again. 10/16/18 Boring first part of shift as we did basically nothing due to the inventory. But at least the night managed to salvage itself. Dodgers really play dirty. 10/17/18 Nose began to stuff itself again. Bunch of classwork for 2 weeks as i get the inservice day. Milwaukee gave another one away. Hoping Game 6 on Friday will be a turnaround. 10/18/18 Rare thursday day, nose still stuffed. 10/19/18 Library day as i caught up on work, and finally watched A Chrsitmas Story to its ending. A classic, yes just don't feel that strongly about it. Big game from the Crew forcing Game 7. 10/20/18 This day was nuts, a quick 25 minute snowcase that gave way to sunny conditions by noon. Saw Venom, didn't get why it was hated. Quite enjoyable dyanmic and She-Venom was the highlight of it all. Dodgers unfortuantley took the pennant. Great season overall for Milwaukee just bummed my streak of picking the world series winner at the All Star game ended at 4. Also tide pods finally used them, no wonder people ate them they're great for clothes. 10/21/18 First day ever that i skipped NFL Games. Neat concept. 10/22/18 Very long strech of store coming up, especially given that Today we only had 3 total. 10/23/18 Held off on grabbing Mamma Mia 2 Blu Ray. Mainly due to gas situation that had Bravada dying near tracks. I got to figure cash situation out to pay off people. 10/24/18 Lone day off before Halloween. No class today so that made things better. Master Mode on Zelda getting easier to figure out. Did reset on iPhone and Kindle, should fix lone bugs. Really want to play RDR2 and Spiderman PS4. World Series from what I can tell is shaping up as a sweep. Also, whole reason I began watching Sunny aired tonight. First of 2 Part Super Bowl Episode. Charlie in a Bear Trap drinking pee, eww! 10/25/18 First of 6 in a row backwise. The Halloween episodes on TV Usually do wonders for me, not this time. I know this is the final season of Big Bang Theory but Sheldon not realizing how irritating he sounds to others after 12 years and so much maturing seems not the right way to do it. Especially seeing his wife irrate Bernadette. 10/26/18 2nd night, the wheels i dont think feel off, but the were more loose than usual. Hour to set up, hour work, break, 30 minutes to unload hvdc and then didn't finish til after 6. When your down numbers wise you can certainly feel it. FYI The crap with the MAGA Bomber made me mad enough to likely stay off social media until after the election, that made it my breaking point. RWBY Season Premire Tomorrow! 10/27/18 Rooster Teeth First free trial, worth it for watching a great primire that perfectly sets up what comes. My point who is that woman with the Maz Kanata eyewear? Wisconsin stinks. 10/28/18 My issue with the whole core hours thing involves me working on days i know theres something i should be doing. Such as watching the packers. Almost beating LA, hopeful they can actually do that against Brady. 10/29/18 That blue wave better close in next week cause, another shooting and another predictable Trump response occurred. Hate crimes abound in his america. 10/30/18 Last in the back, October really came and went this year. Only thing bad about not working Halloween is the dressup im missing out on. Adam in drag would have been a hoot. 10/31/18 Darkness Falls Across the Land...You Know the rest. Halloween. This day is one back 20 Years ago i would openly love. At least the Candy is still around, albiet smaller and more sugary. Nowadays this day has me DVR'ing all the major shows to see what costumes get put on. Spoiler Alert only episodes of ATH And PTI that I happily record all year. When it comes to applying for scholarships however thats where it blurrs. WITC is really biased against those in the outreach sites hoping i can get help tomorrow when i visit. November came too quickly but, I get to see my nephew in 2 Weeks!

[ssimontis]

Digital Romance Brought to You by Pixar

I hate this Disney shit I want the end of it Television romances speaking to the masses While life situations just pass us by I don't believe in magic and it's not tragic Connections aren't formed they're taken by bandits As if a moment in the street is all we ever need To sow our seed in a future prepackaged like the goods we worship I say it's time to call the bullshit Life situations never happen like that You think a glance passing by can start a romance? I might have never learned to dance, the clubs weren't for me and the bars were too far out We don't know ourselves these days and that's the price we pay All interconnected technology our human side has bested We can't interact without a glowing white screen Blue light fatigues the mind but fairly tales corrupt our minds We pick and choose partners with a swipe left or right When technology went cordless it took away our courtship We forget the ones around us the friends that surround us I never took chances because the consequences were too rancid But all of life is a game to create decay and betray I was afraid of failure to the point I couldn't bear Harboring emotions so dark they sent me into depression But nothing stays forever the people in our lives stay never You have to take chances to win take risks for a spin A coward in social interactions I've always been But are our new methods of selection a glorious resurection? All I needed to do was talk to you We sat across from each other and I let my favorite code Form a fearful abode where you didn't exist so I couldn't resist The guilt and frustration of the chances daily wasted From the moment I saw you I knew that I wanted you But direct confrontation was never my style Irony takes time because distance so limited now grows infinite Medications meant to slow my mind left me feeling restless The proposed feeling of calm not going to make these frustrations fall I now crave human contact when I took it out of the contract Trained to isolate by all the shit I loved to freebase well All of the time lost in my mind playing back fantasies I could never turn into reality With that attitude I knew couldn't bring positivity and So I came to work every day with half a brain to avoid the insane Thought that you and I would get caught in something worth more than my lot I tried to impress you the issues I dozed for you The music we shared but of shallow talk I was aware And every time I saw you react to another person I felt like being stabbed in the back But insecurity paralyzed me the fears were the worst in me It took me giving up everything I had just to finally take a chance Most of my crew came from a life I barely knew At this present moment but they were my biggest proponents Maybe it was liquid courage maybe I finally conquered the scourge of my reluctant ways But by the pool side that day I finally felt related to the person I debated Approaching every day hoping it would be the time I found my way To make the perfect move that doesn't exist no matter how hard I wish The last time I fell so fast it's a miracle that some of it could last Two lives torn apart in a passionate reaction with consequences unexpected So I learned to take it slow because I can't take that blow again Never physical but like I know battery can come emotionally I might not have fully learned that lesson that'll be a confession But the way we hit it off just made me more pissed off About days weeks and months where I was reluctant as fuck To put myself out there no matter how much it could suck Time is ironic but I'm not laughing I'm gasping At the stupidity and ludicrously hesitant ways before I went away For all this talk of contact physical but not in the sense your mind is going It only took hours for those barriers to fall away And now I have to hope that what we built that day will cease to decay But I ran out of time and chances and it was time to flee Mostly to get away from me but the side I hated came along anyway And now we're back to electrifying friendship through digital networks At least I get a paycheck to keep those messages flowing Hoping you are knowing my aims I pray won't end up in dismay True you never saw the sides of me my destruction abided by But thank God I had the chance to find a new path You understood some of the parts of me less than good But if you saw me honest I think I could be understood I missed the best chance but hopefully it won't be the last But the development to my restless dreams are now dependent On text messages I'm afraid to send Deleting every word seeking the perfect phrase my mind can mend I forgot how infatuation is such an appealing reaction My mind revving up before it's time to even get up But the determined part of my swears never to give up There's always fear of failure and this situation is nothing different When I stand outside ai can at least calm my mind But secretly I'm plotting the next steps to somehow get you on my doorstep I have a fragile ego something that grows into something fanciful Caught in between blind belief and fears Im scared I will never defeat As much as I hated on the networks we try to build love upon Now I find it my only chance at getting to the end of this A part of me can see the outcome doesn't matter All these hopes and dreams are easy to scatter But I pray for something better even though the odds are slowing If I'm persistent with the system I criticized for deafening our lives I've never stood strong in all my beliefs, but that's everyone's case to my relief The things I hate on I know have to wait on When that message finally reached you what are you gonna do? I have it all planned out, I manned up and made the rounds But depending on your reaction it might turn into a frown Only time will tell if I keep up with digital persistence Are my intentions worthless banter or is there something growing That we both are feeling and knowing I know there are others countless choices and growing But I maintain a single focus that's what calms my mind the most I wish you could get these intentions by osmosis I just have to continue to try until my intentions are clear in your mind Maybe I'm ill-adjusted this wouldn't be the first time But something deep inside me wants you to be mine I'm in this for the Long haul there's no going back like Total Recall My friends tell me to cool it maybe it's not worth pushing it Life has passed me by about a million different times I'm sick of being paralyzed in wonder if what could have happened down under I've got a lot of possibilities and probabilities to calculate right now But when I stop the computation it's you who seems like the mountain I want to climb and get to know the ssence of your inner flow I've been afraid to be a full person maybe you could complete me Surviving every day is the biggest goal that has to stay But I don't need a reminder to send some lustful thoughts your way This obsession might be another hard lesson My mind works in cycles that my ilness refines Some of the compulsions obsessions and cycles Take my train off thought off the track for miles They say I have trouble approaching reality Not like psychosis but I don't see things like most of us So as I stare at a screen writing well intentioned poetry All I can hope for is that the words come out direct on the floor I never set expectations my intentions always blurry clear But can I write the message that will synchronize our minds Right now we're in first gear and I keep stalling out But once you put that clutch down it's easy to get around Let's take this into fifth gear I just need words like Shakespeare Risks I'm now willing to take because here I have no one else to relate Maybe times will change and I'll downshift our route But in the present moment climbing those gears is a concern to severe Maybe I'll get over it meet people and forget the Ritz But as of right now this growth is what I'm hunting down I have friends to guide me who expect me to rely On their advice and guidance when I get out of line But on this they said fuck it, abandon hope you Miss's I know my priorities are disorder I need to beat this present day But thoughts of the future keep me away I can't hold them at Bay Sleepless nights spend debating if my actions are creating A framework we can work with and build up a system That I've been planning in my mind, got it so well defined Tomorrow I wake up and hustle my goals practical and actionable But I'm looking for a chance to change my stance and spend some time on this Can I win you over or will life tell me "Go Fish"