#and i support whatever you believe and whatever faith you hold

[imsobadatnicknames2]

How can you consider yourself any sort of leftist when you defend AI art bullshit? You literally simp for AI techbros and have the gall to pretend you're against big corporations?? Get fucked

I don't "defend" AI art. I think a particular old post of mine that a lot of people tend to read in bad faith must be making the rounds again lmao.

Took me a good while to reply to this because you know what? I decided to make something positive out of this and use this as an opportunity to outline what I ACTUALLY believe about AI art. If anyone seeing this decides to read it in good or bad faith... Welp, your choice I guess.

I have several criticisms of the way the proliferation of AI art generators and LLMs is making a lot of things worse. Some of these are things I have voiced in the past, some of these are things I haven't until now:

Most image and text AI generators are fine-tuned to produce nothing but the most agreeable, generically pretty content slop, pretty much immediately squandering their potential to be used as genuinely interesting artistic tools with anything to offer in terms of a unique aesthetic experience (AI video still manages to look bizarre and interesting but it's getting there too)

In the entertainment industry and a lot of other fields, AI image generation is getting incorporated into production pipelines in ways that lead to the immiseration of working artists, being used to justify either lower wages or straight-up layoffs, and this is something that needs to be fought against. That's why I unconditionally supported the SAG-AFTRA strikes last year and will unconditionally support any collective action to address AI art as a concrete labor issue

In most fields where it's being integrated, AI art is vastly inferior to human artists in any use case where you need anything other than to make a superficially pretty picture really fast. If you need to do anything like ask for revisions or minor corrections, give very specific descriptions of how objects and people are interacting with each other, or just like. generate several pictures of the same thing and have them stay consistent with each other, you NEED human artists and it's preposterous to think they can be replaced by AI.

There is a lot of art of the internet that consists of the most generically pretty, cookie-cutter anime waifu-adjacent slop that has zero artistic or emotional value to either the people seeing it or the person churning it out, and while this certainly was A Thing before the advent of AI art generators, generative AI has made it extremely easy to become the kind of person who churns it out and floods online art spaces with it.

Similarly, LLMs make it extremely easy to generate massive volumes of texts, pages, articles, listicles and what have you that are generic vapid SEO-friendly pap at best and bizzarre nonsense misinformation at worst, drowning useful information in a sea of vapid noise and rendering internet searches increasingly useless.

The way LLMs are being incorporated into customer service and similar services not only, again, encourages further immiseration of customer service workers, but it's also completely useless for most customers.

A very annoyingly vocal part the population of AI art enthusiasts, fanatics and promoters do tend to talk about it in a way that directly or indirectly demeans the merit and skill of human artists and implies that they think of anyone who sees anything worthwile in the process of creation itself rather than the end product as stupid or deluded.

So you can probably tell by now that I don't hold AI art or writing in very high regard. However (and here's the part that'll get me called an AI techbro, or get people telling me that I'm just jealous of REAL artists because I lack the drive to create art of my own, or whatever else) I do have some criticisms of the way people have been responding to it, and have voiced such criticisms in the past.

I think a lot of the opposition to AI art has critstallized around unexamined gut reactions, whipping up a moral panic, and pressure to outwardly display an acceptable level of disdain for it. And in particular I think this climate has made a lot of people very prone to either uncritically entertain and adopt regressive ideas about Intellectual Propety, OR reveal previously held regressive ideas about Intellectual Property that are now suddenly more socially acceptable to express:

(I wanna preface this section by stating that I'm a staunch intellectual property abolitionist for the same reason I'm a private property abolitionist. If you think the existence of intellectual property is a good thing, a lot of my ideas about a lot of stuff are gonna be unpalatable to you. Not much I can do about it.)

A lot of people are suddenly throwing their support behind any proposal that promises stricter copyright regulations to combat AI art, when a lot of these also have the potential to severely udnermine fair use laws and fuck over a lot of independent artist for the benefit of big companies.

It was very worrying to see a lot of fanfic authors in particular clap for the George R R Martin OpenAI lawsuit because well... a lot of them don't realize that fanfic is a hobby that's in a position that's VERY legally precarious at best, that legally speaking using someone else's characters in your fanfic is a much of a violation of copyright law as stright up stealing entire passages, and that any regulation that can be used against the latter can be extended against the former.

Similarly, a lot of artists were cheering for the lawsuit against AI art models trained to mimic the style of specific artists. Which I agree is an extremely scummy thinbg to do (just like a human artist making a living from ripping off someone else's work is also extremely scummy), but I don't think every scummy act necessarily needs to be punishable by law, and some of them would in fact leave people worse off if they were. All this to say: If you are an artist, and ESPECIALLY a fan artist, trust me. You DON'T wanna live in a world where there's precedent for people's artstyles to be considered intellectual property in any legally enforceable way. I know you wanna hurt AI art people but this is one avenue that's not worth it.

Especially worrying to me as an indie musician has been to see people mention the strict copyright laws of the music industry as a positive thing that they wanna emulate. "this would never happen in the music industry because they value their artists copyright" idk maybe this is a the grass is greener type of situation but I'm telling you, you DON'T wanna live in a world where copyright law in the visual arts world works the way it does in the music industry. It's not worth it.

I've seen at least one person compare AI art model training to music sampling and say "there's a reason why they cracked down on sampling" as if the death of sampling due to stricter copyright laws was a good thing and not literally one of the worst things to happen in the history of music which nearly destroyed several primarily black music genres. Of course this is anecdotal because it's just One Guy I Saw Once, but you can see what I mean about how uncritical support for copyright law as a tool against AI can lead people to adopt increasingly regressive ideas about copyright.

Similarly, I've seen at least one person go "you know what? Collages should be considered art theft too, fuck you" over an argument where someone else compared AI art to collages. Again, same point as above.

Similarly, I take issue with the way a lot of people seem EXTREMELY personally invested in proving AI art is Not Real Art. I not only find this discussion unproductive, but also similarly dangerously prone to validating very reactionary ideas about The Nature Of Art that shouldn't really be entertained. Also it's a discussion rife with intellectual dishonesty and unevenly applied definition as standards.

When a lot of people present the argument of AI art not being art because the definition of art is this and that, they try to pretend that this is the definition of art the've always operated under and believed in, even when a lot of the time it's blatantly obvious that they're constructing their definition on the spot and deliberately trying to do so in such a way that it doesn't include AI art.

They never succeed at it, btw. I've seen several dozen different "AI art isn't art because art is [definition]". I've seen exactly zero of those where trying to seriously apply that definition in any context outside of trying to prove AI art isn't art doesn't end up in it accidentally excluding one or more non-AI artforms, usually reflecting the author's blindspots with regard to the different forms of artistic expression.

(However, this is moot because, again, these are rarely definitions that these people actually believe in or adhere to outside of trying to win "Is AI art real art?" discussions.)

Especially worrying when the definition they construct is built around stuff like Effort or Skill or Dedication or The Divine Human Spirit. You would not be happy about the kinds of art that have traditionally been excluded from Real Art using similar definitions.

Seriously when everyone was celebrating that the Catholic Church came out to say AI art isn't real art and sharing it as if it was validating and not Extremely Worrying that the arguments they'd been using against AI art sounded nearly identical to things TradCaths believe I was like. Well alright :T You can make all the "I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a catholic" legolas and gimli memes you want, but it won't change the fact that the argument being made by the catholic church was a profoundly conservative one and nearly identical to arguments used to dismiss the artistic merit of certain forms of "degenerate" art and everyone was just uncritically sharing it, completely unconcerned with what kind of worldview they were lending validity to by sharing it.

Remember when the discourse about the Gay Sex cats pic was going on? One of the things I remember the most from that time was when someone went "Tell me a definition of art that excludes this picture without also excluding Fountain by Duchamp" and how just. Literally no one was able to do it. A LOT of people tried to argue some variation of "Well, Fountain is art and this image isn't because what turns fountain into art is Intent. Duchamp's choice to show a urinal at an art gallery as if it was art confers it an element of artistic intent that this image lacks" when like. Didn't by that same logic OP's choice to post the image on tumblr as if it was art also confer it artistic intent in the same way? Didn't that argument actually kinda end up accidentally validating the artistic status of every piece of AI art ever posted on social media? That moment it clicked for me that a lot of these definitions require applying certain concepts extremely selectively in order to make sense for the people using them.

A lot of people also try to argue it isn't Real Art based on the fact that most AI art is vapid but like. If being vapid definitionally excludes something from being art you're going to have to exclude a whooole lot of stuff along with it. AI art is vapid. A lot of art is too, I don't think this argument works either.

Like, look, I'm not really invested in trying to argue in favor of The Artistic Merits of AI art but I also find it extremely hard to ignore how trying to categorically define AI art as Not Real Art not only is unproductive but also requires either a) applying certain parts of your definition of art extremely selectively, b) constructing a definition of art so convoluted and full of weird caveats as to be functionally useless, or c) validating extremely reactionary conservative ideas about what Real Art is.

Some stray thoughts that don't fit any of the above sections.

I've occassionally seen people respond to AI art being used for shitposts like "A lot of people have affordable commissions, you could have paid someone like $30 to draw this for you instead of using the plagiarism algorithm and exploiting the work of real artists" and sorry but if you consider paying an artist a rate that amounts to like $5 for several hours of work a LESS exploitative alternative I think you've got something fucked up going on with your priorities.

Also it's kinda funny when people comment on the aforementioned shitposts with some variation of "see, the usage of AI art robs it of all humor because the thing that makes shitposts funny is when you consider the fact that someone would spend so much time and effort in something so stupid" because like. Yeah that is part of the humor SOMETIMES but also people share and laugh at low effort shitposts all the time. Again you're constructing a definition that you don't actually believe in anywhere outside of this type of conversations. Just say you don't like that it's AI art because you think it's morally wrong and stop being disingenuous.

So yeah, this is pretty much everything I believe about the topic.

I don't "defend" AI art, but my opposition to it is firmly rooted in my principles, and that means I refuse to uncritically accept any anti-AI art argument that goes against those same principles.

If you think not accepting and parroting every Anti-AI art argument I encounter because some of them are ideologically rooted in things I disagree with makes me indistinguishable from "AI techbros" you're working under a fucked up dichotomy.

[cyncerity]

me, thinking about this all day a few days ago: man, i wish i was better at drawing Pig Techno, he loved fanart like that

Techno, seeing the opportunity to endorse his brand and taking it:

mans wants to make sure i know how to draw him hsjskskshsj

i’ll keep this brief, but i’m a firm believer that people can send signs to you after they die, and no one can convince me that this wasn’t him :,)

also i think that Techno really wanted me to know it was him cause minutes after these clouds dissipated the sky and clouds turned PINK and the sun turned RED

IM NOT KIDDING-

blood for the blood god ❤️

i miss you, you crazy nerdy pig man, but i’m doing better knowing you’re having a great time somewhere messing with me and countless others i’m sure, and you’re not in pain anymore.

Technoblade never dies!!! 👑🐷💖

[vintagetimetarot]

Message from your future spouses higher self 🌹

Hi everyone! It’s been so long since I posted a PAC. So sorry! My mental health hasn’t been great. But I finally mustered up some motivation for a reading today. This is whatever your future spouses higher self wants to bring to light to you. Let’s go! Pick a vinatge image below for your pile. (Side note, a lot of the piles were very similar, so if you feel drawn to more than one, go for it!)

Pile 1: The message your future spouse’s higher self wants to tell you is that that are genuinely so proud on how far you have come in life. They can’t wait to finally meet you, they say that your union isn’t super far away. They want to let you know that once they come into your life, they’ll be your biggest cheerleader and number one support. They think you are the most beautiful, graceful, and talented person they’ve ever met. They wish they could just hold you all night. They want to let you know that your relationship is not one sided at all, even though it may come off that way when you two first meet. They just love you so much! They also pick up that you haven’t been emotionally feeling great, they are here to remind you how beautiful of a person you are and why they fell in love with you. They really want to emphasize how true their connection is with you. That’s all Pile 1, I hope this resonated.

Pile 2: Your future spouses higher self wants you to know that whatever struggles your dealing with right now are about to end. They know how amazing you are and are telling you they have 100% faith that you will get through whatever is going on. They are letting you know divine timing is on your side, and things are going unfold into a happy place naturally. They admire how you’ve been handling everything with such grace, they think you are so beautiful/handsome for this. They are telling you to look for signs (birds and rabbits for some reason may resonate) of your union coming closer. Just hold on a little longer! Even outside of your love life, good offers and opportunities are coming to you, and you need to embrace them is what your future spouse is saying. Materially, you are in for a really good time, and it’s going to get even better once they come into your life. Your future spouse is well off, and will try to share this with you by giving gifts and taking you to nice places and such when you first meet/start dating. They are here to tell you that are very excited for you guys to meet and are very excited. That’s all Pile 2, I hope this resonated!

Pile 3: Your future spouses higher self wants your to trust your gut more and believe in yourself! They love every part of you and are asking you to not be so ashamed of yourself. You are a hard and generous worker, and they want you to start recognizing your power and your influence. You bring so much positive energy into your family and friends lives, and especially theirs. They want to tell you they just love you so deeply. They want to let you know when they come into your life, they will rush in so fast. (The Elvis song came to mind lmao). They want you to be patient with them as they are charmer and experienced at love, but have their fallacies sometimes. They like to put you on a pedestal I see. They want to remind you to keep making good choices in your life. Your skill and dedication to things is something they admire and wish for you to keep up. Keep up the good work is what they say! That’s all Pile 3, I hope it resonated!

Pile 4: Your future spouses higher self wants to be more assertive for yourself in love so you can attract them into your life sooner. They are ITCHING to just meet you already. They consider themselves lucky knowing you are their future partner. Your future spouse is saying to keep your standards high and to not settle for breadcrumbs. The relationship they are about to give you will be beautiful and the romance of a lifetime, but you need to trust the process. As you both balance your lives and keep moving forward, the closer this connection gets. You are a natural born leader and they want you to assert and put yourself or there more. You have such a bright future ahead of you right now, and they just wanna tell you that you should be excited and happy. They think that you’ve been doing a good job, but wanted to serve this to you as a huge reminder. You bring so much life and light into people’s lives and you have amazing gifts, they are screaming at you to start using them! That’s all Pile 4, I hope it resonated.

[zebrabyopn3]

Legitimate question, as I was off Tumblr for a couple weeks and came back to the hammercar meme shit. I've seen you say we need to take action. What actions can we take? Just being vocal? Are things we can actively be doing to make a difference with this? This is an honest good faith question I want to do SOMETHING other than just be angry. I'm already angry, I want to do something with it that will help.

This won't be a comprehensive guide on what the best actions to take are. For real change to happen, we need to actively and collectively support each other, especially those who are marginalized and vulnerable. I'll try listing things that I believe can make a difference and that most people can help doing

We need to support those who need financial help by boosting and donating to them. Especially people that are in desperate and immediate need of money. Please, check the links I included in this part of the post. People don't beg for money for fun. It's really important to spread donation posts, even if you can't donate to them. Please, consider donating whenever possible

Take commissions from artists, request drawings, buy games, and support all creative works you see in Tumblr by sharing them. If you engage with sexual content of any type made by sex workers, reblog and pay for their work. We need to support and destigmatize sex workers publicly. Remember to always tip if possible

Don't spread call out posts. Don't participate in or enable harassment/smear campaigns. Even if you believe that a call out post "this one time is actually warranted", it's not. They intentionally target vulnerable people, don't hold anybody accountable, and don't help the victims. Ignore them, block the people making them and move on

Follow and support black, indigenous, Palestinian, Latin American, disabled, transgender/non-binary bloggers, sex workers and other marginalized people as much as you can. Engage critically with what our communities are talking about, show support and boost our voices. Don't make this just about the cis guy in power

Help spread the word of people whose blogs have been unfairly terminated. Remember their names and urls, and preserve their posts. Screenshot and archive whatever you can. When they remake, boost their posts to help them find their friends, mutuals and communities. Show solidarity

Find, read and reblog posts contextualizing the situations that have led to the termination and erasure of entire groups in here. Talk about the erasure and censorship of posts, tags and blogs that talked about BLM, Ferguson, anti-blackness, anti-semitism, anti-colonialism, Palestine, Congo, Sudan, transmisogyny, transwomen, and so on

Be critical of Tumblr's staff past and recent actions against marginalized people, especially their recent treatment of black, Palestinian and transwomen bloggers. Consider taking legal action, like contacting the human rights commission. Also be critical of yourself and other users here. Don't debate about, argue or downplay our oppression and erasure. Take anti-blackness and transmisogyny seriously

Include us in your life, make friends, love and care about us. Love those who are outcasts, freaks, sluts, annoying, unproductive, and angry. Talk with us, show us decency and trust, look out for our safety and comfort. Make genuine connections. Don't write off our online relationships and communities. And, please, take the time to read the links I included

I'll finish by saying that I'm not an authority on what the best action to take is. There's a lot that needs to be done, mostly outside of the internet. Take action outside of Tumblr, think critically, read news and literature, stay informed and talk to marginalized people on how you can help with their specific struggles as groups, participate in communities, love the people you claim to care about

[cinnamostar]

01: self-fulfilling prophecy 

part two.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 8.5k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.

a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!

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Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it. 

“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”

“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”

“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”

“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”

“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”

Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough. 

Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!

It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged. 

What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer. 

He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.

Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?

Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?

He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.

Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.

However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him. 

People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with. 

He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.

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For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health. 

Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.

Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.

He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends. 

As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.

After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.

“Jisung! You made it!”

The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello. 

Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”

Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so  let's get some drinks in ya first.”

Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated. 

The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.

Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”

Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”

He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.

He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.

Oh, shit, they’re cute.

Jisung’s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“I- Oh, uhm, I…”

You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.

“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”

“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment. 

“Mm, sorry! I just-,” 

Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,

“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”

Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.

Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.

You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”

Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-

“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”

Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.

Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said. 

You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”

Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.

“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”

Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”

“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”

Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”

Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.

“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”

“Are they dating anyone?”

The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.

“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”

“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you. 

“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?

Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists. 

“Say it.”

“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.

“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”

The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,

“Seungmin, stop-”

“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”

Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.

Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.

Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again. 

Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries. 

Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer. 

Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong. 

Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad. 

Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.

Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.

Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.

However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you. 

He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!

It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape. 

It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.

Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend. 

But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.

Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.

It was doomed! 

And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests. 

If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go. 

On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work. 

All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway. 

Oh, but you were so wrong. 

The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”

“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”

“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”

“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”

Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.

Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.

“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”

Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”

“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”

This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough? 

“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”

You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”

Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”

In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.

“I think Y/N likes him.”

Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations. 

Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”

“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.

“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”

Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”

The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.

“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.

Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other. 

You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.

Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text. 

You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.

If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.

Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt. 

Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?” 

You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”

“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”

“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”

“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”

Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”

“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.

“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”

You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”

He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”

Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”

“Especially you.” 

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around. 

After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.

Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.

He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.

He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.

Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.

All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it. 

As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him. 

He just couldn’t be your love.

God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-

“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.

Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness. 

“I… I’m sorry, I just-”

You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”

You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”

Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.

“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”

There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice. 

Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.

Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.

[iamadequate1]

Izzy and Weaponized Therapy

I accidentally opened Twitter again, and at the top of the algorithm was a canyonite comment about how they were eagerly waiting for the OFMD cancellation announcement any day now. I instantly closed and decided to feed Tumblr's Izzy tag instead.

So....

While I'm waiting for the renewal announcement (that is 100% happening), the comments of this post triggered something in my brain with the points that it's very important that most of Izzy's abuse is done when he's alone with Ed. If Ed fights back (say, as in a pirate universe, by shooting his leg) where others can see it, it looks unprovoked and that Ed is being unreasonable.

One thing I don't think I've seen touched on much is this line:

Izzy: I'm worried about you. We all are. The atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned, but if we could all just maybe talk it through. Ed: As a crew?

It's a comment that snowballs through the season and demonstrates why Izzy's S2 "redemption" arc really falls flat for me. It sounds reasonable on the surface, but look at the context by looking at the progression of solo Ed & Izzy scenes.

1x10: Ed is starting to come out of his breakup depression, but Izzy does the big threat where Ed's "Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship." is met with "I should've let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you've become is a fate worse than death. (...) No, this, this is Blackbeard! Not some namby-pamby in a silk gown pining for his boyfriend. (...) There he is. Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard, not Edward. Edward better watch his fuckin' step." Full thing written because some people keep forgetting it.

1x10: The Toe Scene. The violence is an act already established as acceptable in this pirate universe, and Ed is throwing his protective persona back on and asserting his dominance over Izzy.

2x1: Shortly after the raid montage, Ed hides the Not Stede cake topper as Izzy enters the room. They dance around the crew not being happy, and Ed calls Izzy a lightweight.

2x1: This "talk it through" scene that includes the strange "I have love for you" statement.

They stand next to each other in two or three scenes in there (like watching the new Blackbeard flag rise), but that is the progression of their interactions, and they are all away from an audience.

I may be repeating some things from my Media Literacy post, but here it goes anyway: Ed and Izzy aren't real people. The writers are telling a story, and what they choose to put onscreen and the progression of it is important. On Ed's response, you have to look at what information he is privy to: he did not hear the shaky "Blackbeard is himself again" when Stede's library was being destroyed, and he did not witness Fang hugging Izzy and Frenchie holding his hand. This is it, and we don't get to invent extra scenes to make Izzy look better and make Ed unreasonable for not responding to "talk it through" with, yeah, man, let's sit down and have a chat.

In the interactions between Ed and Izzy, it's all about threats and self preservation. Izzy's threats to Ed mirrors Chauncey's threats to Stede: Ed and Stede had their worst fears about themselves thrown at them while under a death threat, and they both took dramatic (and ill advised) course corrections. In Ed's case, he came into the series with death ideation, and it flowed into his suicidal arc at the beginning of S2, an arc jump started by Izzy.

Ed has no reason to believe Izzy's "talk it through" is genuine. Izzy is the one to confirm that Ed is unlovable, that he has no purpose other than being Blackbeard, a ghost. They are approximately three months into this "poison," three months into a spiral that was triggered by Ed trying to "talk it through." "Talk it through" without any support of a previous good faith attempt at reversing this spiral in three months honestly comes off as mocking and genuinely as a weaponization of therapy speak (remember Jonah Hill?), using words that sound close to what someone who cares would say (say, someone like Stede) but are masking self serving reasons and a desire for control.

And Ed really had it confirmed that he was right to not trust Izzy there, didn't he? He moves the conversation to an audience, and Izzy shifts his argument from an attempt at a non-judgmental "We're worried about you" to a tone of "You're being completely unreasonable."

Izzy: The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why. Ed: Well, I don't. Enlighten me. Izzy: Your feelings for Stede fuckin' Bonnet.

But in 1x10, we (and Izzy!) know that Ed had been moving on from his heartbreak from Stede and that Ed's issues now are stemming from how he felt before he met Stede.

Izzy retcons this event two episodes later, in 2x3:

Izzy: Alright, Bonnet, have it your way. He went mad. He tortured the crew. He took my fuckin' leg 'cause I dared to mention your fuckin' name. He was a wild dog, and we dealt with him like one. Stede: You sent him to doggie heaven. Izzy: No, I could never do that. We deserted him on a beach, left nature to do the rest. More than he would've done for us. You and me did this to him, and we cannot let this crew suffer any more for our mistakes.

(First, hearing "He went mad!" from a guy who called Ed "insane" all of S1 for just wanting to have a bit of amusement is rich...)

Again, the last part sounds like something a human who cares would say, but... as established, Ed's feelings for Stede weren't the main problem, and more importantly!: 1) Ed has free will and is not some passive damsel in an Izzy vs Stede war, 2) people are not responsible for an ex's bad reaction to a breakup, and 3) Izzy didn't know what had happened to Stede! Ed just knew that Stede didn't show up, so that's as much as Izzy knew. Izzy only knew that Stede had just reappeared on The Revenge at that moment with no explanation. Izzy had let the poison ferment for three months, and now that Stede is back, Izzy just eagerly foists half the blame on Stede. What? Why?

Now, the first part is why Izzy is firmly an Unreliable Narrator. We were shown explicitly why Ed shot Izzy, and it was not just for daring to say Stede's name. This is emphasized further when Izzy retcons the shooting again in 2x7 (and Stede just plays along?):

Izzy: Ya know what he did when I told him I loved him? Stede/Izzy: He shot you/me.

Izzy is a mess. I know that there are some posts floating around that criticize the poor writing of this, but I take it more as confirmation that Izzy is just letting reality be whatever he feels like at that moment.

This is why we, the audience, should not trust Izzy's dramatic "He tortured the crew!" to judge Ed, and we should not trust a statement that sounds like a clear headed, therapeutic response without first looking at the motivation and context around it. Izzy says things that sound nice, but that doesn't mean he means is being truthful.

[faerytreealtars]

♡ Letters from your Guardian Angels ♡

Welcome, my dear ones, to this pick-a-card, or I should say Image to receive a letter channeled just for you by your divine guardian angels. So trust your intuition or take your time to breathe calmly and choose the image that calls to you! Remember to only take what resonates with your heart. I hope this letter helps you find guidance for your journeys ahead! ♡.

Group 1 | Group 2 | Group 3

Pile One: [Cards: Seven Of pentacles, Five of Wands, Nine of pentacles, two of pentacles & The Empress]

My Dearest Pile one we see you working so hard to overcome all the obstacles and challenges presented to you. You are not afraid to face and at times battle the demons within you, for this we are ever so proud of you and, do indeed, feel very lucky to be able to call you our little star. We encourage you to continue working on whatever creative endeavours you are currently pursuing, be it as a hobby or a hopeful future career opportunity. We see great success for you if you continue to hold belief in yourself just as we will always see the potential and believe in you. You, My dear will bring more change than you let yourself believe. This change, of course, must begin within you. Keep up the great work and remember you are unconditionally loved. Your, Guardian angels ♡

Extra: ♡ "My favourite things" -the sound of music ♡"Over the Rainbow" - The Wizard of Oz ♡ Faeries ♡ Pink and green ♡ Nature rebirthed ♡ Blooming flowers ♡ A little mouse ♡

Pile Two:

[Cards: The Empress (reversed), Four of cups, Queen of Swords (reversed), Five of swords & the Devil ]

Dear Pile Two

We know you are struggling, times seem bleak, the future seems hopeless. Even if you have not quite admitted this to yourself we can see how your soul weeps. Even though the days seem dark and the path ahead an unending struggle through jagged thorns and twisted trees, please know we are here for you. Don't give into defeat just yet as brighter days can still be ahead of you. You are not seeing the world clearly right now and those you call loved ones or dear friends are not as loyal to you as you are to them, they are not good for you, I'm sure you know deep down who we are referring to. There are others though who wish to help, ourselves included. While they may tell you things that are truthful for you to handle hearing at the present moment we urge you not to push them away. To finish this letter we simply wish to say even in the darkest nights you can find the stars.

Your Ever-faithful Guardian Angels.

Extra: Lilith Sign  ♡ "out with the old and in with the new"  ♡ Self-help books  ♡ Black Cat  ♡ Sad eyes  ♡ Wounded child  ♡

(Pile two I would like to say I don't know what each of you are going through I'm sure it differs for each of you but I usually take reversals yet your Angels insisted that they remained reversed and I will also mention while channeling your letter I got a lot of dark and upsetting images within my mind, I won't say much more in case of triggering any individuals. I would just like you all to know I am sending great amounts of love and support to you. If you need any advice or just someone to talk to, don't be afraid to send a message ♡ )

Pile Three:

[Cards: Two of swords, The magician, Page of wands, the chariot, Six of Wands ]

Dear Pile Three

We first wish to say we are so very happy, overjoyed even, for you! You are making such big strides toward accomplishing your dreams and goals. You are awakening the magic within and there is no stopping you! We cannot wait to continue this journey with you. Be assured in your choices and do not doubt what your intuition guides you to do for we promise that if you make a choice to do something that makes your soul happy you will never go wrong! Keep believing in yourself and don't forget to rest now and then. You can't be your best self without first looking after yourself.

From Your Guardian Angels

Extra: Shooting star  ♡ Fireworks  ♡ Celebration  ♡ Sun Signs  ♡ Red  ♡ Good Luck spells  ♡ Orange Butterfly  ♡ "Go your own way" - Fleetwood Mac  ♡

I hope you found a letter or a message within them that is of help to you. Until next time I send best wishes to all of you! - Fae

Tarot deck used: Beautiful creatures Tarot

Moon Position: New Moon (0%)

Day of the week: Tuesday - Týr - Masculine energy ideal for taking decisive action, making new goals, or beginning a new task. Avoid conflicts and don't let aggression cloud your emotions. Lucky colours: Red & Orange.

[south-of-heaven]

Can i request a Single Dad Jeff Hardy x daughter reader? I'll let you decide what happens.

Golden || Jeff Hardy x Daughter!Reader

Summary: It's just been you and Jeff since you were a baby. You're his everything.

A/N: Jeff as a girl dad is everything.

From the moment you took your first breath, it's been just you and Jeff against the world. He's more than just your dad; he's your rock, your hero, your everything. Growing up on the road with him has been an adventure unlike any other, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

From the roar of the crowd to the quiet moments backstage, you've experienced it all by his side. Wrestling rings and hotel rooms have become your playground, and the superstars and crew your extended family. Even though you might not have a mother, Jeff has always made sure you never felt lacking in love or care.

He's your protector, always there to wipe away your tears and lift you up when you fall. Whether it's a scraped knee or a broken heart, he's there with a band-aid and a hug, ready to mend whatever hurts. And when the world feels too big and scary, he's there to hold your hand and guide you through.

But it's not just the big moments that make your bond special; it's the little things too. Like late-night drives with the radio blasting, or impromptu wrestling matches in the living room. He's not just your dad; he's your best friend, and there's nowhere else you'd rather be than by his side.

As you grow older, your bond only strengthens. You share your hopes and dreams with him, and he listens with unwavering support and encouragement. He believes in you more than you could ever believe in yourself, and his faith in you gives you the courage to chase your dreams.

Sure, life on the road isn't always easy. There are long days and lonely nights, and sometimes you miss the stability of a traditional home. But when you look into Jeff's eyes and see the love and pride shining back at you, you know that you wouldn't trade this life for anything in the world.

Because no matter where the road takes you, one thing remains constant: your love for each other. And as long as you have Jeff by your side, you know that you'll always have everything you could ever want and more.

[nolongerapileofashprobably]

I just want to say that BOTW/TOTK's Zelda is the first version of the character I've ever loved, and I've been a LoZ fan since OoT. It just frustrates me the way some fans lambast her for being angry at Link in BOTW and also claim she was wasted/fridged/sidelined/reduced to "pure sacrificial maiden" and had her adorable nerd personality stripped away in TOTK (also claiming her sacrifice in TOTK is an attempt to validate Rhoam's treatment of her in BOTW). I thought her arc in TOTK was a wonderful continuation of the one she had in BOTW and showed how much stronger she had grown. Poor gal can't catch a break. What are your thoughts?

….I do not know how long of an answer you expected, but I have so many thoughts. So. Many. Thoughts. And boy do I go on tangents when I should be sleeping. Anyway. Here you go :)

For the most part, I hold a lot of the Zelda’s near and dear to my heart! Though, admittedly, it comes from the fandom’s exploration of these characters rather than just purely canonical content.

But Botw/Totk Zelda…. I don’t need any ‘additional’ content or exploration beyond what we see in the games to make me absolutely love and adore her. She is the most developed Zelda and she has an amazing arc— her complex feelings regarding her own magic, the complicated relationship she had with her father, the realistic exploration of her feelings regarding Link and how they went from jealousy and dislike to acceptance and adoration.

I always find that many complex and well developed characters are nearly always wasted on those who cannot look past mistakes (especially ones that set up future developments and start plot lines). Sometimes, people fixate on the moments writers use to cement that yes, this character is in a very low point of their life and the way they cope is not the ‘good’ way to.

The first memory in botw tells us that Zelda is none too thrilled to have Link as her knight attendant and the Hylian Champion. That she’s using him to project her own frustrations regarding her own failures. Which is the very introduction used to draw us in, make us curious about her history and how Link is tied into any of it.

So many just… can’t see past the reason we are shown this memory, nor why her frustrations led her to yell at Link. Because she was absolutely powerless and unlike Link who has had the Master Sword since he was 12, she had nothing to show. And her character is constantly forced to listen to her father, to heed the teachings she was vaguely given through one-off comments her mother and grandmother said. She was forbidden to pursue her hobbies and give it all up for the sake of the prophecy.

And then, to find out that Zelda awakened her powers through love, love for Link who she initially misjudged and mistreated, is so so powerful. Because she had grown to resent the spirits and herself. But Link. She grew to not only care for Link but to fall in love with him. And that instinct, that belief, that faith, that love. That is what sparked the power within her.

Zelda finally heard the spirit in the sword. She understood her part in this fight. For so long she had struggled to find her power, and she awakened it just in time to save Link, but at the cost of everyone else she held dear.

Something I don’t think a lot of people who criticize and hate Zelda understand is that Zelda’s pure and unwavering faith in Link is her drive to make these sacrifices. She knows it will be worth it. Because she believes in Link. And she supports him in whatever way she can. The reason they don’t understand this is because they can’t see past Zelda’s initial emotions regarding Link. They can’t see how she never believed in herself but she always had unflinching faith in him once she got to know him.

Then to see her accept that her magic has been sapped from its constant, draining use for the last 100 years at the end of botw…. It is a powerful moment. She fought so long to have those powers, ones her father berated her for not having access to, but she can finally accept that she can’t hear the spirit in the sword anymore. That’s development.

And for those who think Zelda’s cute adorable nerdiness was wiped from totk obviously don’t have the greatest history of understanding context clues. Zelda legitimately geeks out in the very first opening sequence of totk.

*totk Spoilers ahead*

She goes on and on about the Imprisoning War and the Zonai, taking pictures and obviously ecstatic about the discovery. She finds the Master Sword’s ability to heal itself fascinating. She founded research teams and build a school to further education in Hyrule. She wasn’t just a nerd. She was the Princess of Nerds.

Her sacrifice in ToTK is at surface level the action of a sacrificial maiden. Those who can’t read beyond that won’t understand it any other way. They won’t see how important it is that Fi sought Zelda thousands of years into the past, when in the beginning of botw she couldn’t even hear the spirits. They won’t understand how Zelda’s unflinching faith in Link parallels Link’s unflinching loyalty to Zelda. ToTK is a zelink centered game. Yep. I said it. We all know it’s true.

The entire plot revolves around, get this, Finding Princess Zelda.

Link’s entire motivation behind this game is to find Zelda. That is quite literally all he truly wants to do. He wants to find her. He isn’t there for duty. He just simply wants to find her.

And she is in the past, ensuring Link has every possible thing to help him secure a future for Hyrule. She went from detesting her place in the prophecy, from being forced to comply to her father’s choices, to embracing her role as the Princess of Hyrule and choosing her own way of aiding Link.

Totk gave Zelda the supportive father figure and guiding mother figure she sorely lack in botw. It showed us and Zelda that despite having the things she didn’t have, they still failed. Sonia was killed. Rauru had to sacrifice himself.

Zelda had to sacrifice herself. She was known for being stubborn, perceptive, analytical, and independent. Now she is known for her kindness, her intelligence, her empathy, and her compassion. And she sacrificed it all just to give Link the Master Sword. Because she had unwavering faith he could defeat Ganondorf.

Zelda is a RIDICULOUSLY complex character who has been through so much. But complexity is lost on those who only look for the simple, easy to understand things. So she is bound to have haters.

But for those who can understand and admire that development, we see Zelda for who she is. And if it’s any consolation, so does Link. While this game didn’t officially make zelink canon, they did make it canon that Link stayed by Zelda’s side after the Calamity. Once she was gone, they again made it canon that he would not stop until she was back with him. His Zelda. The one that rambles and excitedly tells Link that so much has happened.

Botw/totk Zelda is so so complex. And for that reason alone, she will have haters. But they don’t know or understand her. Not in any way that truly matters. Because those who do understand her and love her, well, it’s pretty clear that’s the way to go if Link’s main purpose and the entirety of totk tells us.

[aris-ink]

some horror smut with seokjin pls 😭 ppl barely ever write about him

tysm to my 🐋 angel for providing inspiration and supporting me... thank you to @baalsgurl1913 for reading through this and guiding me with her love. and thank you to @yoongsisbae for helping me choose the right direction <3 I am... so sorry for what I am subjecting y'all to lmao

pairing: jin x reader

genre: romance, ghost!au

warnings: mentions of blood and violence (not towards the reader), multiple deaths (+ major character death), implied murder, cheating (not by jin), supernatural elements (hauntings, afterlife), mentions of medication, manipulation and obsession, implied mental and physical torture (agsffhsgsh rip minho), angst, rough sex, dirty talk, praise, mentions of spanking, choking, creampie

"Does it help?"

So cold. His hand felt so cold as it brushed through your hair.

"Does it help you move on? To feel like you've buried me?"

Unable to turn around and look at him - or whatever that thing was - you pulled your knees up to your chest and hid your face in them.

"I did," you whispered. To convince him or yourself, you weren't sure. "I did bury you."

Like a little girl, you gently rocked yourself back and forth on your bed, the chill of the dark room so severe it was making your fingers numb.

"Did you?" He hummed into your ear. "I'm right here."

You could barely hold yourself together, your heart sinking so low you feared he could snatch it from under the ground and keep it there with him forever to rot.

"I promised I'd never leave you, didn't I?"

Despite the fear weighing on your chest, your eyes opened slowly. You woke up in the warmth of your sheets, your vision blurry with tears. Seeking comfort, or at least a confirmation you weren't alone, you turned towards your boyfriend and pressed yourself into his back. You tried to swallow down the lump in your throat, the grief and the guilt of trying to move on. It didn't help. The bitter mixture only seemed to upset your stomach. With a sigh, you sat up and blinked, wiping at your eyes. Outside the window dusk was slowly fading. You reached for your phone, then planted your feet on the wooden floor.

6 am. Looked like you'd have an early start.

*

Grief was... loud. It demanded to be heard. He was sure even the dead could not rest in peace with how you tossed and whimpered in your sleep. He certainly couldn't. But the bastard lying beside you remained oblivious to your suffering. Pathetic, really. Jin couldn't believe this was the man you chose to replace him with. The man who got to see your pretty smile, go to sleep and wake up by your side - when he didn't deserve any of it at all.

He would have felt that way about anyone who went near you, of course, but there was no denying the fact that he held a special kind of contempt for Minho. All those late nights out, the perfume he smelled of when he came home. Surely you weren't that blind? Surely you could see that he wasn't faithful? Always drifting off somewhere, even as you spoke to him. Jin wished he could grab him and break every bone in his body, slowly, make him pay for every sin he's ever committed. The sin of being with you, touching you. The sin of hurting you.

But all he could do was kneel by your bed and run his fingertips down your cheek. He tried to catch the tears that fell, wipe them away like he used to when he was alive. It didn't do much besides inducing a little shiver, making you pull the blankets tighter around your body.

*

A few months have passed since the car accident, yet he continued to appear in your dreams. It felt like any attempts you made at trying to find peace were being torn apart by his shadow, leaving you lethargic and confused... making you pay less attention to your new relationship. During the day, you questioned your sanity and wondered if you should see a doctor.

During the nights, however, in that cold, little dreamland of yours he haunted, you tried to find the answers to questions you wouldn't dare to ask out loud.

"Why are you still here?"

You still couldn't face him, but you felt his presence, a ghostly touch travelling down your sides. The nightmares themselves were distressing enough, but there was something else gnawing at you, a possibility that made you ache.

"Are you stuck? Is there no light there?"

You could feel Jin's arms wrapping around you from behind. Such a chilly, foreign experience, disturbing you in ways you couldn't even understand; everything seemed too realistic.

"There is," he murmured, his voice sounding amused. "And I went right into it."

You swallowed, staring at the wall ahead of you.

"Oh."

You couldn't tell if you felt relieved or disappointed. You chewed on your bottom lip.

"So, you're not real then," you whispered, as if to yourself. "Just my imagination."

"Oh no," Jin protested. "I'm very real, baby."

Your brows furrowed, your heart skipping a beat. You haven't heard him call you that in so long it made you want to curl yourself up to him. Real or not.

"But you said you followed the light."

"Mm, that I did," his lips grazed your shoulder, a hint of ice with velvet, followed by a soft whisper. "You're my light."

A dam inside you cracked, the turbulent waters behind it about to shatter it altogether, along with your willpower and common sense. You missed him so much. You wished you could hide in his arms and stay like that forever, even if they felt so cold. You'd give up the sun and live in eternal winter if it meant that things could go back to the way they were.

But they couldn't. And that wouldn't be living at all.

*

"Ah, don't forget your pills."

You smiled at Minho and grabbed the small, plastic bottle from him. It's been only two weeks since you saw a psychiatrist, but the quality of your life has improved immensely.

And also, it didn't.

While you no longer feared going to bed, closing your eyes was still a struggle. You didn't need to dream to see Jin's face behind your eyelids.

There was an uncomfortable, odd sense of guilt stirring inside you, like you've done something wrong. Like you've shut him out and left him all alone there in the void. And yet that was all the more reason for you to keep taking your medication and trying to move on. Jin was gone; there was no changing that. Sticking to rationality made it easier for you to ignore these feelings, to tell yourself that you didn't feel unusually cold when you entered your bedroom.

You glanced up at Minho when he got up from the table, grabbing his coat.

"Are you going somewhere?"

He smiled at you as he worked on fixing his tie.

"Just work stuff."

You put down your fork, your appetite suddenly gone. Work stuff, at nine pm. On a Saturday night. Again.

"Don't wait up, honey."

You didn't have the mental strength to deal with this and your inner turmoil. Instead of speaking up, you tried to force a smile when he bent down to press his lips to yours. An inch separated you, your eyes fluttering shut.

And then - a sudden crash that made you jump in your seat.

Frowning, Minho straightened up, looking behind you.

"What the hell?"

Your heart thudded in your ears. The fright that pulsed through you spread all the way to your fingertips, making your hands feel weak. You turned your head towards the source of the sound, blood draining from your face.

The frame that held the first picture you took with Jin was lying on the floor, shattered, glass broken into pieces. You hid it inside the cabinet right above the spot, yet now it was wide open, gaping.

Even though your knees felt like cotton, you stood up and rushed towards it automatically. You collapsed onto the floor, barely registering Minho calling out your name. With trembling fingers, you began to pick up the pieces in a hurry, not even fazed when you felt two warm hands curling around your arms.

"Are you crazy?" Minho snapped, pulling you away from the mess.

You struggled out of his grasp, your elbow knocking into his chest roughly. You scrambled back to the broken frame, blinking through the tears. It was so hard to see.

"It's- it's broken," you stammered. "Broken. I need to clean it up."

Minho crouched down next to you, gripping your wrists.

"You're hurting yourself!" He hissed. "Look."

He shook both of your hands. Dazed, you glanced down, brows scrunching when you noted the blood dripping from your fingers.

"But-"

Minho stared at you, a flash of uncertainty in his eyes, like for the first time he was really seeing you. Like for the first time something akin to guilt stirred in his stomach. Keeping your wrists in a tight grip, he wrapped an arm around your waist, gently pulling you up with him.

"Come on, honey. I''ll clean it up in a sec. Hold on."

He guided you to sit back down on your chair. You could still feel your heart ramming against your chest, frighteningly heavy with the weight of stress. Minho left your side to step up to the cabinets, rummaging through them in search of a first aid kit.

Numbly, you observed him uncap a bottle of antiseptic. Only when it came into contact with your skin did you feel the sting of the cuts, a sizzling sensation that made your fingers twitch. He bandaged them up one by one, seven in total, wincing as he cleaned up the blood.

Silently, as he promised, he went to clean up the mess on the floor as well, ensuring to sweep the area thoroughly. With a brief glance at the picture, then back at you, he set it down on the counter carefully. You felt like you were outside of your body, barely there, unable to speak up and tell him to not throw the picture away. He seemed to know that himself, though.

He picked up your bottle of sleeping pills and placed it on the table beside you.

"I'm late now, but I still have to go. Get some rest okay? You can text me if you feel unwell."

You blinked up at him, unsure if you were grateful to be left alone now or if you wanted to beg him not to walk out the door. Still, you couldn't even nod when he leaned down to kiss your forehead. With your hands on your knees, you listened to him leave and lock the door.

Your eyes flickered from the counter where the picture was, then to your pills. Unable to help yourself, you left the bottle behind and went straight to bed. Waiting for the adrenaline to flow off you and the exhaustion to do its job. You couldn't force yourself to swallow the medication tonight, an uneasy feeling intensifying in your chest.

*

This just wouldn't do.

How much more could he take? He stood by your bed and watched your eyes fall closed, fuming. He caught your attention, and that fucker's too, but Minho was probably too stupid to think much of what happened. Even if a frame did fly out of your kitchen cabinet on its own.

The two weeks he spent without being able to contact you were agony. Time didn't seem to exist on the other side. For the living - for you - it flowed like a river. For Jin it was a bottomless ocean and he felt like he was drowning without you. He couldn't stand the fact that you just tried to toss him away and move on with your life as if he ceased to exist. It was clear you still loved him. Why were you so unwilling to believe that he was right by your side? Did you really think something as trivial as death would ever take him away from you?

All the anger inside of him simmered, so powerful it felt like an explosion when he watched you sit in the kitchen with that pathetic excuse of a human being.

Until it overflowed.

He was almost as surprised as you were when the cabinet flew open. He hasn't been able to touch anything on this side of life.

Now, as he stood over your bed, he contemplated what he could do with that newfound power. There were so many possibilities.

With a hum, he brushed your cheek softly. Decisions, decisions.

*

This dream was different from the others. You were still in your bed, but this time Jin didn't sit behind you. You could see his silhouette in the corner of your room, blending in with the shadows. You shivered, relief settling over you for some reason, despite how disturbing the atmosphere felt. At least he was there.

You didn't know what to say. You had a feeling he was angry at you for leaving him behind. Why else would he stand so far away?

"Missed me, baby?"

His voice sounded soft. You hid your face in your hands, confused, unable to tell if the spectre before you was a figment of your imagination, a cry from the grief you tried to escape, or something more sinister. Something more real.

But whatever it was, it was still Jin, in some way. Wasn't it?

When you heard light footsteps approaching your bed, you stiffened, still lacking the courage to look up. For so many reasons. Would he look dead? Would he look normal? Either way seeing him again would break your heart.

You felt him kneel down on the creaky floorboards, slowly taking your hand in his. A chill spread through you, your eyes shut tightly.

"What have you done?" He whispered, pressing a kiss to each bandaged finger. A feather light touch.

"No more suffering, baby. Promise me... Just let go. I'm right here."

*

The next night you drifted off in your armchair for what seemed like a few minutes. You awoke with a sigh, getting up to stretch in the dark and make your way towards your bedroom.

Minho must have still been out somewhere. You tried to ignore that thought.

Strong arms wrapped around you, halting your steps. You froze, the soothing warmth and smell of a cologne that was so familiar to you making your heart thud. You whirled around in shock, for the first time letting yourself look at him. Your hands grasped at his shoulders. He felt so much warmer than usually. Dark, soft hair framing his handsome face, his eyes burning into yours. Wearing the same leather jacket you've seen him in on your last day together.

Was this another dream? It had to be.

"Baby," he muttered lowly, his hands coming to rest on your waist.

The sudden proximity after such a long time of being apart made your stomach swirl. It was strange how solid his hold was on you.

He took a moment to stare into your eyes, the pretty eyes he missed so much, glistening and bright. You were so confused, your chest constricting with pain and love all at once. You opened your mouth to speak, but words failed you. This had to be a dream, right? But why did he feel this warm? His eyes seemed so dark. So much darker than they ever were before. His lips knocked into yours, not allowing you to voice your perplexity and your doubts, or focus on your thoughts at all.

Such hunger. He didn't think the dead could feel hunger, or much of anything, but he was wrong. His soul endured starvation in this ruthless void, starvation for your love, your touch, you. It turned into a dark desperation that dripped and dripped onto you like fire, from his tongue brushing your lower lip, from the fingertips dancing across your ribs.

He groaned, a low, raspy sound that made your thighs clench.

Not for long.

He pried them apart and settled himself between them, his lips pressing soft, wet kisses into your neck.

"Fuck," he sighed, fumbling with the zipper of your jeans, his hands shaking. "I missed you."

You wanted to let him push you into the nearest wall so willingly, you would have any other time. But this still felt so odd. So real.

For a moment, you lost your breath, and the only thing you could focus on was the way he slid your jeans halfway down your thighs, not even bothered to undress you or himself properly.

"Missed you," he repeated in a whisper.

When you heard him unbuckling his belt your pussy clenched around nothing, leaking through your panties. There was a soft grunt as his trousers pooled around his ankles, one hand hooking your leg around his waist.

"Missed you too," you gasped, your head tilting back when you felt a sharp tug and heard the cotton material of your underwear being ripped in half.

"I know, baby."

The tip of his cock brushed through your slick folds, the slight pressure of the hard, thick length causing a shiver to erupt down your spine. Jin hissed, squeezing your thighs as he spread you open.

"Missed me here too?"

He emphasized the question with a teasing thrust, rubbing against you. Very fleetingly, the thought of Minho tickled the back of your mind, like a butterfly. You weren't a cheater. But... this wasn't real, was it? Even if it was, you weren't sure if you were able to overcome the shock of it, the need and the yearning burning inside you.

As if sensing your hesitation, Jin rolled his hips, entering you harshly and knocking all air out of your lungs. You felt so full of him, pulsing hotly around his cock.

"Don't think about him," he seethed. "Don't think about anything. Only me."

He didn't make that task very difficult. All your thoughts turned to ashes when he gripped your throat with his hand and started to fuck you, slamming you into the wall behind you with every aggressive snap of his hips. Like he wanted to take all of his frustration and love out on your body, make you suffer from pleasure.

"You're only mine," he groaned into your ear. "Your heart is mine. This pussy is mine. I should beat your ass raw for fucking forgetting that."

Your knees quivered, a whine tearing out of your throat. He tightened his hand around it, cutting the sound off.

"Say you're sorry."

You clenched around him. Somehow, the aggression only made your head spin more, because if he didn't feel real before, he definitely did now.

"Say you're sorry," he demanded sternly, "you little fucking brat, s-shit."

"Sorry!" You breathed, barely audible with how hard he was choking you, your eyes stinging and pussy fluttering. "Sorry."

Jin grunted and let go of your neck, burying his hand in your hair instead. You felt lightheaded, barely able to catch the air he allowed back into your lungs, panting with how close you were.

"Good girl," he whispered, strained, a moan following the praise. "Fuck, missed you so much, not g-gonna last, shit-"

You weren't going to, either, but he busied himself with pulling on your hair and slipping his other hand in between you. He pressed his finger into your clit to rub it roughly, causing even more slick to flow out of you, making his thrusts sloppier.

"So wet. So pretty. I love you so much, ah, fuck."

His breathing sounded just as harsh as his thrusts in your ear, growing desperate, louder than your own cries.

"Haven't been fucked how you deserve to be in so long, my love," he mumbled, plump lips brushing against your skin. "Come for me, please. Come on, doll. Need to feel you," he groaned. "Shit! Come on. I'll fill you up so, so good."

You couldn't help the sudden, violent snap in your stomach that made you shake and cream his cock. Jin threw his head back, revealing his attractive, tanned neck, his adam's apple bobbing. His groans were carnal, filthy, his cock twitching inside of you, filling you up with a rush of his cum. If possible, you felt even fuller, your chest glowing and your cunt sticky from his orgasm. With a hiss, he rested his forehead on your shoulder, his embrace tighter around you, keeping your knees from giving out.

You floated in his arms, barely registering the fact that he picked you up and carried you towards the bed you used to share, his own knees feeling weak.

So he was able touch you. So he was able to love you. He watched you fall asleep, hope blooming in his chest only to wither away into disappointment. So what? In the end, what did that matter? You couldn't have a life together, grow old, have children. He would never be able to take you out to an expensive restaurant or buy you a gift, and who knew how long this would last? Could he only touch you when he was angry, overwhelmed, empty?

This just wouldn't do.

*

It took a mere few days for the opportunity to arise.

It was so hard to tell what was happening around you. Your eyes blinked open to a bright light blinding you. You had no idea where you were. Was this another dream, again? You squinted, trying to cover your face. The light felt warm and safe, calling to you, like it wanted to pull you into its pearly embrace.

Instead, a darker embrace enveloped you.

"Don't go," a sweet murmur. "Not yet, baby. Stay with me."

You lifted your eyes towards the light, still squinting, although it seemed to be fading in its intensity little by little. For some reason you felt like you were running out of time.

Something was wrong.

"Stay with me," Jin repeated quietly. "You know there is no me without you. Don't go where I can't follow."

You hesitated. Weren't you on your way to see your mother with Minho? An image flashed through your head, leather seats and the low hum of music on the radio.

No, you were definitely in a car. So where the hell were you now? The last thing you remembered was the same bright light that was dimming in front of you now. You turned your head to the side, coming face to face with Jin.

The puzzle pieces clicked into place and you looked towards the enchanting source of illumination again. It was dwindling, though its call still felt just as enticing and loud, urging you to follow.

You turned your head back towards Jin.

"Did we... crash? Am I dead?"

A hint of sorrow glimmered in his eyes. He nodded meekly, his arms tightening around you, strong and secure.

"Stay with me," he pleaded, leaning in, his lips a breath away from yours. "I'll take care of you," he murmured.

His hand slid down your side, moving to your hip. Your breath caught in your throat.

"But... but-"

You tried to take a peek at the light in front of you, but he lifted his hand and placed it on your cheek, unwilling to let you look away from him.

Something felt so wrong; like your only chance for real, heavenly peace was slipping through your fingers. Like this wasn't where you were supposed to be, even if you ached to be with him.

"Jin..."

He shushed you, pressing a warm, affectionate kiss into your lips, his thumb brushing away your tears.

"We'll be together. Forever. I won't let you go again."

You sniffled, the space around you growing dark as night, his lips still inches from yours when he spoke again.

"You're okay, baby. I promise."

His grip on your face softened. You nodded, wiping at your eyes. He smiled at you, something you haven't seen in so long. It made your heart flip, for so many reasons.

"Good girl," he praised, stroking the top of your head affectionately. He ignored the trembling of your body, only pressing you closer to himself, trying to soothe your anxiety and pain away.

Even if he was the one who caused it.

He placed a gentle kiss on the shell of your ear. You promised to always be his.

Promises were made to be kept.

*

In a small, well lit room, Minho sat in a bed, eyeing the two figures in white lab coats standing before him suspiciously.

"I don't want to talk to you," he grumbled. "You're just here to treat me like one of your crazy patients."

The tall, dark haired man with glasses took a seat in the chair at the foot of the bed, crossing his legs.

"I don't consider any of my patients crazy," he answered calmly. "It's important to remain open minded and find a solution if a problem arises. I'm only here to listen and help you feel safe. I promise."

Minho narrowed his eyes, his gaze flicking from the elderly nurse who still stood by his side to the doctor.

The psychiatrist gave him a kind, dimpled smile.

"My name is Kim Namjoon. How about we start with that?"

"I don't care about your name," Minho huffed. "You have no idea what happened to me. You would never believe it either."

A pen clicked, its tip pressing into a notebook resting on the man's lap.

"Why don't you try me?" He coaxed gently. "Let's start at the beginning. As you're aware, the security footage shows your car swerving violently to the right. The doctor said you were trying to avoid hitting someone."

"I- I was."

Namjoon raised his eyebrows.

"But the roads were empty."

Minho flushed.

"Your tests also came back negative for any signs of drugs or alcohol in your system," Namjoon continued. "Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

"I wasn't hallucinating because I was stressed," Minho snapped. "I saw someone!"

"Who did you see?"

Heaving a sigh, Minho glanced up at the nurse, who gave him an encouraging smile, as if to say: it's okay. He fiddled with the cool sheets covering him.

"My girlfriend's ex. He... died seven months ago."

"Ah," Namjoon said softly, steering his focus onto you, as if the revelation of seeing a ghost didn't faze him. "I'm sorry for your loss, Minho."

Another sigh, heavier, glassy eyes burning into the doctor helplessly.

"It was his fault!" Minho stressed. "He killed her and now he's going to kill me."

After a moment of soft scratching of pen against paper, Namjoon leaned forward, tilting his head to the side.

"What makes you think that?"

Minho hesitated.

"I... saw him in the hospital room as well. It was like a dream," he sniffed. "But I couldn't move."

Namjoon hummed, waiting.

"...He... said something to me."

Straightening up, Namjoon grabbed his pen again and pressed it into the white page.

"What was it?"

Minho pursed his lips, sighed once more. Cringed at his own words.

"He... he said," he gulped, "that- that I'm already ugly but he's going to fuck me up so bad my own mother won't recognize me."

Silence.

The nurse coughed into her hand.

Namjoon just hummed again, trying to hold back, trying so hard not to laugh, but a snort escaped him anyway, his lips curling into a smile while he wrote the words down.

"Jin really enjoyed fucking with you, huh?"

Minho frowned, his face flooding with heat, his hands curling into fists.

"Do you think this is funny?! How dare you sit here and-" he paused abruptly, the rest of his outburst forming into a big knot in his throat.

How did the psychiatrist know Jin's name?

Namjoon set his notebook and pen down, looking up at Minho.

"Don't worry," he murmured. "I promise he's not going to hurt you."

Minho leaned back into the bedframe, trying to sink into it as the man stood up. His aura did not seem so gentle anymore, but rather intimidating as he stalked over to him, disturbingly so.

His head momentarily snapped up to the nurse. She gave him a grin so crooked and strange it made his heart sink.

"Where the hell am I?" He whispered. "I thought this was a mental hospital."

"It was," Namjoon nodded, taking a seat beside him. "Many years ago."

As soon as he was closer, Minho froze, unable to move. A horrible thought occurred to him.

"Did I die?"

Namjoon tsked.

"Of course not. How would that be any fun?"

His hand reached out towards Minho, unusually cold knuckles brushing his cheek, making him flinch.

"I wouldn't be able to hurt you much if we were both dead, would I?"

The room seemed to darken somehow, its shape distorting with dim, sickly green flashes and black shadows. The logical part of him wanted to ask if he was drugged, but deep down, he knew the truth was much worse. His hands trembled violently, a cold, dark feeling spreading through his veins, rendering him weak. He was starting to grow dizzy.

"What did I do to deserve this?" He mumbled hoarsely through dry, shaking lips.

Namjoon bent over to the chair and grabbed his notebook, flipping through the pages. His image was becoming blurry, his voice an odd echo.

"Oh, let me see. Jin noted it all down here."

He settled on a random page.

"You're a liar," he listed, "you always forget your mum's birthday... Oh my, you're a republican as well."

Minho blinked, trying to keep himself afloat, too terrified of what he would wake up to if he fainted.

Namjoon's dark, amused eyes turned towards him, his deep voice eerily calm.

"What do you think you did wrong? Hm? You took his girlfriend, and then you cheated on her as well. Repeatedly. That's not nice, Minho."

He patted his shoulder.

"Sleep well, my friend. I've been so very bored, and I want to have fun with you. I'll see you when you wake up."

Minho shook his head, like he could protest against the workings of his own body, of what was happening around him. But there was only so much distress his pounding heart could handle before it gave out altogether. White as a sheet, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, he fainted.

The last thing he saw before the darkness took him into her arms, like a mother cradling her child, was Namjoon's chilly smile.

Reported missing two days after the accident, his case remained unsolved.

💌 taglist: @wonyuknow @imnotlauriane @bucketofhiros @baalsgurl1913 @silv3rswirls @osakis-gf @iceprincessviviane

[menalez]

Hi! Do you think you could explain how gender critical people can support body autonomy in cases like abortion but not transition? I know you believe that medical transition doesn't change someone's gender. But under the ideals of body autonomy, would you support a woman taking T if she still called herself a woman instead of a calling herself a trans man?

And in general, I know radfems are anti-plastic surgery, but wouldn't that too fall under one's body autonomy?

I'm just trying to figure out radfem and gc ideas but I'm running into some inconsistencies.

honestly i was a bit baffled by this ask and couldn't help but feel like its bait bc ... how is cosmetic surgery that is harming your body, incredibly expensive, and done as a result of self-hatred the same as not wanting to carry a baby & go thru the risks of pregnancy for 9 months? to me these are such blatantly, fundamentally different things. but let me assume this isn't bait and you're asking in good faith and address your points.

I know you believe that medical transition doesn't change someone's gender.

this shows a complete lack of understanding on what beliefs i even hold. i don't think medical transition "doesn't change someone's gender" i know it doesn't change a person's *SEX*. this difference is very crucial. gender = gender roles, gendered expectations, etc. it is a social construct. it has nothing to do with anything medical nor biological, its a social contruct that varies across time and cultures.

But under the ideals of body autonomy, would you support a woman taking T if she still called herself a woman instead of a calling herself a trans man?

why would i support the act of taking synthetic hormones which are actively harming your health just as long as you Identify a certain way? it doesn't matter to me what you call yourself. i'm critical of medical transition because it is costly, harmful, and rooted in questionable beliefs. i'm critical of how readily it is promoted. i am critical of how profitable it is to pharmaceutical and medical industries. i am critical of how little research is being put into ensuring the safety of it as well as research into other methods of dealing with sex dysphoria. whether you call yourself a man or a woman is the least of my concerns.

you use the term bodily autonomy, but you seem to be under the belief that bodily autonomy = a person gets to do whatever they want with their body and their choices are always above any criticism or analysis and it does not matter how much their choices are harming them or others. by that logic, if you don't support an anorexic woman starving herself or getting a liposuction, you are against her bodily autonomy because you are not allowing her full agency over her body. by that logic, if a woman tells you she wants to get a BBL or have implants put in, you need to validate and encourage that choice because to question harming your body is to oppose bodily autonomy. but that is not what bodily autonomy is. here is a definition:

Body autonomy is defined as the ability of one person to demonstrate power and agency over choices concerning their own bodies. These choices must be made without fear, threat, violence or coercion from others.

Body autonomy allows individuals the freedom to make their own choices about their bodies. This is significant to a person’s health and wellbeing.

now, if there is a group of people being told that they need to transition ASAP and being told constantly that without transition they will kill themselves, is that or is that not going to instill fear? because if i was told that i need to take an action as early as possible, lest my life be miserable and doomed, then im going to want to urgently take such an action out of fear. if parents are being told "do you prefer to have a dead daughter or a living son?" or w/e, is that not coercion and threats?

moreover, we know taking synthetic hormones for cosmetic purposes can be extremely harmful for one's health. women with high levels of testosterone naturally suffer from a lot of health consequences as a result, nevermind people who alter their body's hormones. this is fundamentally different from a woman choosing to get an abortion because a pregnancy is costly, risky, has health consequences, and will impact her entire life for at least the next 18 years of her life.

that said, i'm not blaming people who do pursue cosmetic procedures or artificial hormones and i'm not against them. i am against the industries promoting this and making it difficult to even have a conversation on this, even pushing against research that does not benefit their financial interests. i am against the promotion of cosmetic surgery as necessary, healthy, and somehow healthcare. i think that there NEEDS to be more research into medical transition, the impacts it has on health, its usefulness and helpfulness, and alternative treatments. the lack of such research and the lack of constructive conversation on this topic is where my concerns lie. not with identity politics like what someone calls themselves while harming their bodies.

so ultimately, i'm not understanding what you think is an inconsistency here. questioning profitable industries and cosmetic surgery which are modern inventions rooted in amplifying people's, namely women's, insecurities for the sake of profit is not at all the same as an abortion and it's worrying to me that you don't see the difference. providing blind affirmation to every choice an individual makes is not bodily autonomy, its individualism and liberalism to another degree. bodily autonomy is allowing individuals the right to make informed, healthy, decisions for themselves. a woman deciding she does not want to go through 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of child-rearing is not the same as a woman deciding she hates her body and thus MUST get a boob job (which ultimately harms this person's health rather than helping), or someone deciding they hate their sex and thus MUST get surgeries to pass for a different sex (which also ultimately negatively impacts the person's health, even if it provides some psychological relief which potentially could've been gained via a different approach like therapy).

[class1akids]

Another all might vs AFO rematch is so unnecessary and really shows that hori is doing whatever he thinks is "cool" for this final arc and throwing logic and writing out the window. This honestly brings down all mights character for me.

Anonymous asked: I guess quirkless deku could've been a hero, all he needed was an iron man suit apparently lmao. If all might holds AFO back for even a minute, it's going to make AFO look super weak and all the people who had quirks trying to stop him look even weaker. I mean hori built the whole story up as you need a quirk to do hero work and then he just gives all might a iron man suit out of nowhere just to have him fight again? Yeah that's bad writing.

I'll take these two asks together. Admittedly, I didn't read the EN fandom reactions to this chapter, bc I loved it and I didn't want to see the inevitable negativity, but I really don't get why people think this ruins anything.

The manga has spent almost 400 chapter at this point of deconstructing hero society, the Symbol of Peace and I think some things should be abundantly clear by now:

A strong quirk doesn't make a true hero (Bakugou's, Endeavor's arcs)

Saving someone is about reaching their hearts in time, not about beating them down

Quirks and personalities are connected, but the quirk is not the same as the individual (Shouto's arc)

You don't need a quirk to be someone's hero (every person who left little Tenko to wander the streets alone)

Skill, training, tech can all elevate a person beyond the strength of their quirks (Best Jeanist, Hawks' fight after he lost his wings, Hatsume matching the hero kids in the SF with tech, Detrenat, Knuckleduster in Vigilante, etc)

It was inevitable that we'd come back to this question:

When All Might said in Chapter 1 that you need a quirk to be a hero, he was saying that bc at the time he truly believed that everything he was, was due to OFA.

He spent the entire time after losing OFA being "lost and wandering" (just like Shoto, btw) trying to figure out his own place. By trying to teach Deku, by becoming a better teacher to all the students he tried to find a sense of purpose, but basically he lost the ability to see himself as a hero. That's why he pulled back, offered no leadership even after the war, as things were completely falling apart.

It took watching Deku spiral as he tried to shoulder everything by himself and seeing Class A offering support to him that All Might started to doubt the path he was on. Because, seriously - Ojirou, a martial artist with a tail - Shoji - a guy with some extra arms - Mineta - with his sticky balls - all believe that they CAN support Deku, can be part of his fight.

While All Might, with his 4 decades of fighting experience, a huge amount of wealth, access to the world's best tech through personal connections can offer nothing?

It took talking with Stain to realize that there is an entire spectrum of doing nothing and doing everything by himself. And the ideal point is to do what he can.

All Might stepping up has been on the cards since then. We knew he was planning something.

Of course, All Might has earned his retirement. He could be just a living relic of a glorious era. Obviously, even with tech, he's not going to have the godlike powers he did before.

But right now, the end is in sight. Everything is falling apart. He just sent two 16 year olds to run into the core of a ticking nuke on the blind faith they'll be able to do something about it, because it is the ONLY chance. One of his students had his heart explode. There are no heroes left.

All Might KNOWS, he knows better than anyone how dangerous prime!AFO is. But he also knows his personality, his buttons to push. He doesn't have to win, he just needs to delay, and he has a good hunch that AFO won't be able to ignore him. Whatever minutes, seconds he can buy can mean the difference between life or death, victory or defeat. So of course, he will try. Because that's who he is.

Remember - Deku in chapter 1 running into danger with a backpack got OFA because he reminded Toshinori of himself. Quirkless Deku stepping up, acting heroic despite his lack of power made All Might RECOGNIZE himself. Losing OFA never meant he lost his hero heart or instincts - he just lost faith in himself, because he bought into the hero society rhetoric. The scale of what he could do changed, but his heroism didn't.

So that leads us to the last question - is there a place and need for heroes who are less than superman. If there is a Symbol who has the power to solve any crisis by himself, do you even need the lesser ones?

And I think the story has affirmed again and again that yes, people with little power can make a huge difference and heroism comes in many shapes and forms. Also, that no matter how powerful, nobody can get there alone. Everyone needs support. A strong net is more stable than a lone pillar. A person's value or ability to change things is not tied to their quirks.

All Might stepping up is the culmination of everything he learnt and is totally in character for him. Moreover, it's the natural narrative endpoint of everything that the series has been talking about.

He can't win, he'll probably needs someone to save his ass (maybe Stain, maybe Bakugou, possibly both), but he'll also tick away precious seconds from AFO's rewind time and make a difference.

And this is why I also expect Deku saving Shigaraki not be just beating him up with more OFA, but Deku being Izuku should be the decisive factor in it. And also, I personally think Deku losing OFA but learning that he can be a hero without it would be a good writing choice and a good endgame.

HK already drew Deku's quirks as support items - so I think it's not a stretch that he could be a tech-based hero.

As someone who is a huge fan of tech-based heroes operating in the world of super-powers, it is my favourite endgame for Deku.

[highpriestess13]

Collective Reading

There’s a dream or goal that’s attached to your imagination. You could be hoping that something’s pays off or goes through and you’re needing to keep holding onto that faith but don’t lose yourself in it find the necessary balance that you need to keep yourself grounded & stabile. There’s a masculine energy that’s coming towards you with a stable offer/ opportunity… the letter “O” is significant. For others this may be a father or grandfather… 1111 is confirmation. April 4th and 11th is significant too. I also see a celebration maybe someone’s father/ grandfather could be celebrating a birthday but I definitely see a gift being handed to someone.. this could also be an ancestor as well. Speaking of ancestors, I see tapping into or is wanting to get to know their ancestry and may even dabble into some things 👀. Heavy energy around planting seeds and roots. Some of you could be wondering where your roots/ foundation come from.. I’m hearing indigenous. Someone could be picking out an outfit for something for others I see someone picking out offerings or maybe wanting to know offerings to get/ choose especially if it’s food. Some of you may work with herbs or the energy of the earth or your ancestors were herbalists, shamans I’m also picking up on scrying. Something with gold or copper offering bowls are significant. The number 13 is significant along with the moon. No more suffering, no more pain… you have a clear path. Once you stop worrying and start trusting the path that you’re on, you’ll begin to receive. Your mind is too cluttered, release guilt, anger or whatever it is that’s keeping you in your head… I kept hearing “clearing” or “clear”. Crows and the letter “C” is significant too. After every disappointment there’s always something new on the other side. Stop being so hard on yourself and start expressing yourself.. it’s giving “just do it”. There’s many things that you’re changing and switching and spirit is also doing this as well. You’re no longer needing to strategize and have every in order or a certain but you will need to just relax and enjoy the ride and the journey. Set yourself free from limiting beliefs because you’re limitless and entitled to everything why? Because the world is your oyster. Many of you have elevated or made this conscious decision to do this. Someone could be a lawyer or judge or may go into profession or a marriage counselor, pope/ pastor. Something about wedding or wedding reception.. you could be singing at someone’s wedding… I keep hearing “concession stand” 😂. Some of you could be mediators or negotiators, could be winning a case as well or helping someone or others to do this. Whatever it may be, it’ll bring all of supporters and followers. Someone could be breaking from challenges especially if it’s addictions, I’m getting more so smoking and drinking. Someone may even be celebrating their celibacy or sobriety. You’re facing danger with a smile on your face, you’re no longer allowing yourself to YOU back. You’re no longer afraid challenges and obstacles but instead you’re more than ready and prepared to face them. For others, someone may be finding out that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. Someone took a leap of faith only to met with dry land beneath them. For some of you, you could be tired of feeling this way but best believe there’s a new cycle that you’re already in or already in that’s bringing MANY much needed changes, evolution, and transformation.. the number 13 is confirmation. You could be feeling very tired lately & it’s because you’re closing old cycles and entering new ones and best believe you’re also shifting maybe in your sleep too!

[loving-n0t-heyting]

i think ive been in ways radicalised and deradicalised about i/p over the course of the current intensification of the conflict

i think i used to have a kneejerk centrist reaction of "support gaza/palestine but condemn hamas", which i having now devoted even a modicum of effort to researching the state of palestinian politics post-2006 see as naive and disloyal to the palestinian ppl. the objective, practical meaning of such messaging is (at best) support for the plo as the official representative of palestinian interests, which given the history of the org since oslo now seems tantamount to supporting occupation itself. whatever the shape of the eventual solution, i no longer believe that allowing hamas anything other than a principal role in near term palestinian leadership is faithful to the cause of democracy in palestine; any criticisms of hamas must come secondary to this endorsement

otoh ive become disenchanted with important strains of the us pro-palestine movt. anyone reading this can presumably already guess my feelings on the cheerful embrace of civilian massacres, but in a way even more disconcerting to me is how wishful thinking about palestinian self-emancipation has been elevated to the status of a guiding moral imperative. fanciful claims about israels imminent collapse are proclaimed as sober empirical assessment; "defeatism" about palestines prospects in the conflict is condemned as inherently treacherous, irrespective of any basis in fact. its easy if you are mostly engaged via internet/campus activism to dismiss these as college students and the terminally online doing as they are, and i agree most of the ppl showing up for major rallies or wearing solidarity pins or calling their representatives are unlikely to go in unreservedly for either of these tendencies. but they are overrepresented among the orgs and organisers doing the really heavy lifting, meaning they hold a certain amount of sway in us activism around i/p even when they are relatively unpopular

idt witnessing the genocide has done much in itself to change my views on anything, tho. its horrifying to watch, but what does it have to tell me about israel that israel hasnt told me 100x over already?

[power-chords]

Seeing posts like these is heartbreaking to me because I want to believe these people hold no intrinsic animosity towards Jews and are simply ignorant and ill-informed. I have to ask: What is the immediate practical utility, in terms of substantive, material aid to Palestine, in “exposing Zionists” (presumably on social media)? The reblog referenced by OP is with respect to rhetoric from the openly genocidal Israeli government, and they certainly don’t need anything in the way of “Zionist exposing.” They’re happy to do it themselves. How is the liberation of Palestine advanced by compiling lists of diasporic Jews on Tumblr, many of whom upon cursory inspection explicitly denounce the ethnic cleansing perpetrated by the Israeli government and are in support of a ceasefire, and circulating said lists with the sole apparent aim of marking an “insidious” and “clever” pariah group with whom you should not interact (because they are disingenuous manipulators who cannot be reasoned with)? I can only speak to my experience with my fellow American Ashkenazim, but I have had productive conversations with colleagues and family members of FAR more staunchly pro-Zionist sympathies, and found that patience and pressure from community/peers is the most effective tool in changing minds and hearts. Ironically, it is by legitimizing the reality of their fear of antisemitism – and how Israel’s rhetoric endangers world Jewry by conflating its interests and its activities with Jews as a nationally-identified monolith – that gets the most mileage. WHATEVER WORKS.

Of course the Israeli state deploys insane, manipulative propaganda to justify its violence. States often do that! It infuriates me to watch the IDF carpet bomb and starve Palestinian civilians and wipe out entire lineages and then call South Africa’s ICJ suit for crimes against humanity “blood libel.” What I have yet to see on blogs like the one screenshotted above is any demonstrable curiosity about the historical and contemporary propagation of actual blood libel, or the tenacity and pervasiveness of antisemitic conspiracy theories, or ANYTHING about the culture of world Jewry generally that is extrinsic to Zionism! (Part of the reason I’ve been so profusely vocal lately on such things.) Of course there are bad actors arguing in bad faith; the same is true of any politically motivated group. But diasporic Jews urging caution and precision in the language you use when (justifiably!!!) condemning Israeli nationalism doesn’t emerge from a historical vacuum that you are free to write off as secretly ideologically motivated in covert, nefarious support of that nationalism. At best it’s a bad look and does nothing to aid the survival, welfare, and ultimate liberation of the Palestinian people. At worst you’re playing right into the hands of antisemites.

[ladybugsimblr]

D-Lo: Before you head out, I really need to talk to you. Bailey: Uh oh. Should I be scared? D-Lo: Ummm maybe?? It’s about Mizuki. Bailey: I don’t want to go there today. Or any day for that matter. D-Lo: I know. I hate to kill the vibe but the doc said it’s not good to keep holding shit inside. Bailey: Doctor?! Damn. Ok umm… give me a minute.

D-Lo: I don’t know how to say this… Bailey: Deangelo, please don’t tell me you got her pregnant. D-Lo: No! Naaah! NO! Bailey: Ok it can’t be worse than that, so just say it. D-Lo: Mizuki is trying to get out early and she asked for my help. Bailey: Oh. D-Lo: Yeah…

D-Lo: I said no at first because I didn’t want you to think I was choosing her over you. You and I are finally at a good place and I’m not trying to lose that. But Skye really wants this and you know I would do anything for her. Bailey: I know... D-Lo: And don’t think Skye doesn’t care about you either. You’re her Queen. She loves you, but that’s her mom. Bailey: D, I get it. Believe me. I hate that the kids are separated from their mother. When things started to settle down, that part was really hard for me to deal with. Especially after Rebi was born. I felt like the bad guy, worst fellow Mom ever. Bailey: I still think she deserved to be punished but I just question if I should’ve pushed so hard.

D-Lo: I think she deserved what she got. She needed to learn a lesson. Bailey: Has she learned it? D-Lo: She says she has but I honestly don’t know. That’s another reason this has been hard. Is being out of jail really the best thing for her or my kids? Bailey: I don’t know that answer either, but don’t let my feelings and issues with Mizuki play a part in your decision. I would never hold it against you or Skye if you decide you want her home.

D-Lo: Would you ever consider meeting with her and squashing everything? Bailey: Absolutely not. I’m cool with you and the kids but that’s it. I have no interest in talking to her, dealing with her, forgiving her, none of that. Maybe that’s still something I need to work on but not today! D-Lo: Ok I feel you. I’m not even trying to change your mind. As long as you don’t hate me because of her. Bailey: I don’t. Not anymore. D-Lo: Ha! Ok. Bailey: Do what’s best for you and the babies. We're good. I promise. D-Lo: Great.

Bailey: Speaking of babies, I need to find mine before I go. D-Lo: Speaking of babies, I'm kinda hurt you thought I got her pregnant again. Bailey: I meannnn... It’s not that impossible. D-Lo: I’m a changed sim! Bailey: Mm-hmm. D-Lo: No faith! Sad.

Bailey: How worried do I have to be about this doctor situation? D-Lo: (Baby mama stressing me, Wifey not wanting my kids around, Not over you, Fame dropping, Dizziot pushing my buttons, Using juice to solve all these problems) I'll be good. I think this therapy thing might actually work. Bailey: Well OK for getting your life together! I support you talking to someone about whatever is going on. And I’m here for you too. D-Lo: I appreciate that. For real.