#and i used to do that thing where i'd bite myself to punish myself or press my fingernails into my forehead

[fuzzythoughtsblog]

I had a fantasy that I went to a best friends sleep over and ended up reading her older sister's diary :

Truth or dare

My friend says to me. I look in her eyes and I know I can't choose truth. She'll will come up with the most vile secert to get out of me.

"Dare !" I spit out in fear

"I dare you to sneak in to my sisters room read her diary and report back. " she says with a smirk.

Fuck me I tell her that , she's so childish. And that were on break from college.

"To bad, you pick dare or are you pussy? " she retorts saying the one thing that would convince me to go.

I'm not scared of her sister. She's only a 6'7 grunge base player who is 3 years older. What there to be scared of? It's not like whenever I'm here she rolls her eyes and slams the door. It's not like she refuses to eat dinner with us. Yeah and she wasn't to scary when she yelled at us after sneaking out to a slutty Halloween party. Fuck she hates me and I'm about to sneak into her room.

I decided to just swallow my fear and go for it besides she's not even home she has a gig.

I creep to the basement where her room is. Slowly the fear begins to still as before I enter her room I see the walls covered in electric guitars. Every color and style I could imagine. I stop to admire all the other equipment she has records, picks, amps and even some Cassettes.

I let out a breathe of relief as open the door to her room and she isn't there. Now all I got to find is that damn book.

I first go to her night stand and begin to peer in. I taking a moment to process what I'm looking a, Lacy lingerie. Upon realizing its contents I quickly shut the drawer. Embarrassed I move on desperate to get this night over with. I look at the bottom drawer and am left starring. Toys so many toys in different shapes and sizes. But what left me shocked wasn't just the various toys. I mean were both adults.

It was the was the paddle. Wooden and bigger that my hand I wondered why she would have something like this. With stupid curiousity I lift it up to examine it. The paddle was in perfect condition, like it had never been used. The thing has hearts cut into it and says in big black bold letters "Scream". I begin to put it back but as I do to other items that it was hiding catch my eye. A pair of metal hand cuffs and a strap harness. I can't help but imagine who she's been using these on. At that thought I quickly put the items back in and close drawer.

If she doesn't hate me, she'll definitely hate me now. I went through her stuff and I hadn't even found the book. I sigh before moving over to the other night stand and open the drawer. This time though jackpot the book was sitting in plain sight. As I pick up the black leather book I curse myself for not looking through this one first.

For a second I hesitate, this is total over step of her boundaries. Besides I could just go back and lie that I read it. I decided that a good idea but as I'm about to put the book back I think about how I could figure out why she hates me. I ponder for a moment but I got to know what I did. I open the book.

It turns out the book is less of a diary and more of a shadow journal. I begin to flip until I find a page about me. The prompt reads " What is your toxic or most obsessive desire? "

Slowly I take in what she writes. "If I had a second alone with my sisters best friend I think I'd devour her. " my eyes stretch wide as I keep reading. "The things I want to do to her body are just ... I want to see her begging and crying under me. I want to punish her for being so damn tempting with those little skirts and short shorts."

I bite my lip but flip through more pages until I see something that mentions me. The prompt "What is a bad financial decisions you've made recently? " I can't help but lean closer while reading. " I was checking in on one of the local sex shops I frequent when I saw a cute little paddle. I couldn't help myself not when I imagine her below me pleading. I imagined pulling her hair and telling her to shut up and asking if she was a good girl. She said "yes daddy" and fuck did that just scratch the right itch in my brain. I told her then she needs to take her punishment like a good girl. Before laying down on her ass while she screamed and cried. Of course I gave my pretty girl kisses after I bit her ass. I have to remind her who she belongs to. And now I want to buy her a collar. "

I'm horrified by what I just read but I couldn't put the book down. I continued on. "What is the most fucked up fantasy you've had recently? " "I imagine her coming to my house and asking for my sister like always but this time I walk her to my sisters room even though she's not home. I lock the door behind her and get really close while she backs up. She looks so cute and she's wearing that tight purple dress she wears. I grab her and begin to kiss her while she pushes me away. I bite her lip and she crys into my mouth while I shove my tongue down her throat. She fights me as I throws her on the bed. But I'm stronger and able to hold her down. She begins to cry as I rip off that stupid fucking dress and kiss down her neck to her perfect tits.

I then slide my hand down to her pretty panties and rub her clit through the lace. She makes a noise and trys to squirm away which cause me to hit her. I tell her to be a good girl and this will all be over soon. She fucking whimpers but stops struggling. I continue to play with her cute clit till she soaks her panties. I whisper "see you want this." Before ripping her panties off of her. And sink a finger in. She's so fucking wet. I slide another finger in and then another. Till I'm three fingers deep. She makes the most beautiful noises while I take her apart on my hand. The more I take her the more wet and docile she becomes. I fuck her like this until she's dripping down her leg and begging me to stop. She pleads so cutely I can't help it. I pull down my pants revealing my biggest strap. Pushing it in while she just lies their limp like a perfect toy. I slam in and out of her taking both her virginities on her best friends bed. By the time I cum she's quivering and her cunt is unrecognizable. I take a picture and drag her to my room leaving her juices on my sisters bed. So the most fucked up fantasy I've ever had is raping my sister's best friend on her bed for hours and its reoccurring. I'd never do it of course I want her to enjoy and consent to it I'm not a monster it's just a fun fantasy. "

I begin to rub my legs together at that last one. I put the book back having had my fill when I see her sister standing right there in the door way causing me to scream.

She looks pissed and close the door and locks it behind her.

"How much did you read? "

"Nothing" I shout frozen to where I stand.

"Bullshit" she says stalking closer

"Just the crush thing and it's okay!" I say as she gets even closer.

"Lier"

"Okay I read the thing about the paddle but that's it!" I wince

She grabs my shoulders and looks at me. A chill run down my back. I flinch.

Squeaking out a "Please, don't!"

She sighs and let's go of me before sitting on the bed.

"You read the fantasy? "

I nodded slowly.

"The rape one. "

I nodded again

She sighs "Fuck, this is not how I wanted you find out! Actually I was hoping you'd never find out! "

She puts her hands on her head.

"Sit down, I'm not going to actually do any of that to you. "

I sit beside her. While she remains still before taking a deep breath in.

"So you read it, why? "

I meekly say "A dare"

"Fuck! It was my sister wasn't it? I'll kill her. "

I stay quite she knows the answer.

She sighs "So what do you want to ask me? And then I'm gonna ask you some questions, okay.

I nod.

" How long?" I ask

She breathes "Since your freshman year, of course I wasn't going to act on it. It's just, I thought I thought of you like another little sister and then I started watching out for you. Which turned into watching you and before I knew it I couldn't look away. "

"Is that why your we're mad at us on Halloween that one year ? "

"Are you kidding me? You were basically wearing lingerie. I mean a skimpy pink bunny suit, I know you were a senior but still what if someone tried something? And on top of all that you guys snuck out! You know I had to hide that from mom and dad so you could stick around. "

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you looked... amazing. Look I don't just like you because of your body, I mean don't get me wrong it's a plus but I also love your laugh. How your the first one to try to help. Even when my sister started doing her project last minute you where there to help. I love the way you melt around animals and your stupid dance. I like you okay. Not just what you have to offer." She says while looking up at me and holding my check.

We're so close. I lean in to close the gap but she pulls away.

"Don't do that, don't give me a pitty kiss! "

I lean forward "I'm not, I just want to try this. "

Our lips finally connect and its like electricity I feel it from my head to the tips of my toes. I shiver we break apart to breathe then begin again. It feels amazing, but not close enough. I crawl closer until I'm sitting on her lap and kiss her while wrapping my arms around her neck. The kiss begins to get more and more dangerous as we go on. Her hand begin to wonder and grip. While I rock into her lap. Soon she breaks the kiss.

"Hey, I don't know if I'm getting mix signals but can I touch you? " she says with her pretty eyes.

I pause for a minute then get a sly idea "Yes, daddy! " I whisper into her ear.

"Fuck " she says before pressing me down to where my back touches her bed. "Who knew you'd be such a damn brat. " she says while kiss down on my neck

I whine as she bites my shoulder. "What's the matter ? You've never been touched like this? "

She lowers her hand down my skirt and begins to rub while I stutter "No, then again no ones touched me. "

She pause "What?"

"You guessed right. "

"Are you sure you want to do this because we don't have to. I can... " I quiet her

"I'm sure , I trust you. In fact I want you to do to me what you wrote about in your little book. Y'know the thing with the paddle. "

"Are you sure that's a little advanced. "

"I'm sure, do you not want to? "

"No I want to, fuck I want to" she says while reaching into the night stand.

"Good, how do you want me, daddy? "

"Fuck your going to be the death of me. Across my lap baby. "

I lay across her lap. And give a wiggle.

"Let's see, how many spanks? Maybe 4 spanks for your 4 years of teasing. Plus 3 for the 3 pages you read. Plus 5 for that slutty fucking costume that had me salivating for weeks. So 12.“

I whine

"Don't whine or I'll make it 15."

I stop.

" That's a good girl. " she says while ruffling my hair.

"Now we're going to use the stop light system, along with a safeword. Do you know how the stop light systems work and have a safeword in mind?"

"Yeah my safeword is rock. And the stop light systems works like red means stop, yellow slow down or change what your doing and green means keep going. "

"Correct, now I'm not going to be upset or disappointed if you safeword or want to stop okay. "

"Okay."

"Good now, count. "

The first hit stings

"One"

The second one burns

"Two"

The third positively aches

"Three"

The rest hurt but for some reason it leaves me feeling dizzy and so good.

"Twelve"

"Good girl are you, okay? "

"Yes."

"Okay how are you, are you okay to continue? "

I nod

"No girl I need a verbal answer what's your color? "

"Green, don't stop I want you to fuck me"

"Fuck, okay baby. " she says before digging in her drawer and strapping into her strap.

I flip around and spread my legs out and put my arms up.

"Wait babygirl, I have to make sure your prepped. " she says as she dips a cloused finger in while I whine

"Fuck baby your soaked. Did my girl like spankings that much? "

I nod

"Poor girls all layed out like a pretty little toy. "

I begin to moan as she adds another finger and begins pumping them in and out with her thumb on my clit. Then she goes fast and pumps in and out harder.

"I know baby it's so much, my fingers are so much for you. " she says while working me harder and harder until fuck... She stops.

"Not yet sweet heart, your gonna cum undone on my cock pretty girl. " she says as she pushes in slowly so slowly.

After bottoming out she waits a minute and I nod. After I nod she thrusts shallow slow thrusts. That feel amazing but leaves me wanting.

After a few minutes of that I grab her shoulders "Daddy, harder!"

"Fuck." She says while rolling her hips.

She lifts my legs up higher to my confusion before slamming in hard. The thrust again and again while I just take it letting her use my body.

"There you go baby. Sorry daddy though you wanted to fucked like a princess. I forgot how much of a slut you are. " she says while still pounding into me

And then she begins to rub my clit. It's so fuck much. Fuck I begin to cry and whine.

"That's it babygirl, cry on daddy's fucking dick" she begins rubbing my clit harder causing me to scream.

"Daddy, I don't want to get pregnant yet. " I say through dazzy tears

"Aww " she says while rubbing and thrust like she was trying to milk more nosies out of me "Don't worry baby you'll look so nice with my kids. "

I feel my body shake and arch and then everything thing goes limp. And my vision goes white. I hear a soft buzzing and for that moment I have no fucking idea what my name is.

"Comeback to me baby" she says my head barley follows her eyes

"Was it good? "

I nod

"Good." She says as she pulls out while I hiss. "It's okay. "

She then lays down beside me and holds me while I begin to come back down.

"You back? "

"Yeah" I say voice horsed

"Okay we'll put cream on you and clean you up later. Okay. "

I nod and cuddle closer

"Okay and baby you can not tell my sister yet. "

[supermarketbae]

dom billy punishing you’re being a brat flirting with other guys at a party, he grabs you and shoves you into a closet. It’s really rough hot , and ur both so sweaty and he’s rails his huge thick cock in you. Degrading and praising you. After it’s done you both collapse, cus ur so tired. And he places huge sloppy kisses on your face telling you what a good girl you are, whilst your still shaking from your orgasm.

HEM HeM seeing as it's my **FAVORITE LITTLE REQUESTER**(if there was a way to make 'favorite' more emphasized believe me I WOULD) ig i just have to do a quick little somethin on it (by quick i mean never ending- soul consuming-sending all my brain cells that are in commission to work on it-perhaps multiple chapter-fic) again, I don't make the rules I just work here. (shoutout to @billysbot for literally being the sweetest human!! It's too fun talking to you while i write these funny little fics! (even if you are a tad distracting😏) HAVE THE BEST DAY BB !!) guys please read🙏i went on a half an hour journey to see if the word 'simp' was used back in the 80's

Naughty and Not so Nice

a series

warnings: secret!relationship, P in v smut, degradation, praise, jealous!Billy, Whiny!Billy, Loud!reader, Hopper!reader, choking kink, breeding (ig), semi public sex, idk this whole fic again lmao.

"Tie me up?" you smile as your boyfriend, Billy's hands ghost up your back ever so slightly teasing. "Hargrove, I swear to god don't make me regret liking you!" you laugh as he nimbly tightens the strings of the black corset you wear. "I could never, I'm too amazing." he chuckles coming to nuzzle you from behind breathing in the sweet aroma of your perfume, arms wrapping around your waist possessively. You tsk feigning annoyance, "so cocky baby" you smirk pressing a kiss to his now blushing cheeks. "Shut up." he groans hiding his face in your neck. "We'd better get going darlin'" Billy mumbles to you making no moves towards the door of his room. You groan audibly, "Do we have to?" you whine. You had agreed to go to Tina's Halloween party with Billy. He'd practically begged you to go with him, and who were you to say no.

You knew it was risky wearing semi matching costumes, both of you clad in all black, but what could you say, you longed to be Billy's girl. You wanted everyone to know. Everyone to see that your his. See, the only problem with everyone knowing was your father, Jim Hopper. Needless to say If anyone wanted to get back at you for anything, all they would have to do is tell him you were Hargrove's girl, and you were fucked. You knew the minute that happened you'd be grounded till 55. rolling your eyes at the thought, Billy sighs "I know darlin' but I'd promised some people I'd be there and I'd hate to disappoint." He smirks. "By 'people' do you mean half the high school girls?" you prod giggling "You know me well madam." Billy replies grin boyish. "Attention whore!" you laugh as his hands tickle into your sides and you fall back into him smiling still. "little minx." Billy grumbles kissing your cheek and pulling you to the door.

The party was somewhat fun.However, Billy had disappeared to god knows where. Either way, the food as always, was delicious. The drinks were abundant. It was loud, chaotic, and lively all at the same time. You lean towards Robin to hear her better. "I said," comes her raspy voice. "Do you know if Nancy and Steve are still a thing?" the slight blush on her face makes you smirk "Somebody's intrestedddd in Nancyyyyy" you tease watching her yelp with indignation "Bold of you to assume but ok!" she bites back eyes glittering with amusement "Ohhh you have it bad!" you sing watching Robins face glow deeper red "Shut it! I'll find her myself" she grumbles rolling her eyes at you lovingly. "Good luck!" you shout to her giving her an exaggerated wink and kissy face. You snort as she flips you off, stalking away to find Nancy.

Grimacing at the bitter taste of alcohol in your spiked lemonade you sit back on the couch content, that is, until Jason Carver comes sauntering over. You groan as he smiles down at you scooting the closest he possibly can to you. "What's a pretty girl like you doing by yourself?" he slurs gently to you. You cough aggressively , he positively reeks of alcohol. "Hoping to be near people like you." You state back prettily. The stupid smile on his face only spreads as he lays an arm around you. "We should go out sometime baby, I'd promise I'd make it worth your while." He winks at you cheekily and you giggle swatting him on the arm "You don't mean that!" you say lightly smacking a hand to your mouth to cover your simpering. "I do-" he is leaning closer to your face when he suddenly is yanked away "Get the fuck away from her Carver." Comes the animalistic growl you've come to recognize as your boyfriend.

"Whats'it to you, freak." Apparently, Jason had a death wish today,choosing his words most unwisely. A few people, yourself included gasp as you watch Billy throw Jason off the couch with ease, combat boot coming in contact with the burnette's chest, holding him down. "If you even look at her again. I'll fucking kill you." Billy snarls, voice poisonous. He turns to you possessive gleam evident in his eyes, "get over here." the command sends a shiver down your spine as you get up following him through the crowded room to the upstairs. "The fuck were you playin' at" Billy bites the minute he shuts the door, locking you both into to a tiny bathroom. "You left me. I was bored. He flirted," you say calmly feigning innocence "I don't see the problem, Baby." you say voice seductively low as you inch your hands up his strong frame.

"I guess I have to remind you who you belong to then" he rasps mouth harshly coming to bite at your neck. blatantly marking you. "B-billy-ah-my friends-" You moan as licks a stripe of your neck ferally groaning as he humps into you. "Shut the fuck up-god sweetheart I'm already so hard for you- shoulda-ah-should've fuckin thought of that when you were whoring out for Jason huh?" You mewl at his words eyes rolling back into your head as he clamps a hand over your mouth "c'mon darlin' shut that pretty mouth of yours, d-don't-goddd-don't w-want your friends to hear you moaning my name like a slut huh?" You whimper out muffled as he bends you over the small sink counter, other hand coming to knead into your ass before giving it a rough slap. "Billy~ ohmygod-please babyyy!" you whine as his hands come to play with your hardened nipples. He tsks eyes trailing over your wiggling figure,

"begging me to rail you already love?" Billy mocks as he slowly removes your panties moving your short skirt higher. "So wet already darlin'" Billy keens fingers coming to rub at your swollen clit, you whimper, jolting from the sudden spike in pleasure as he unbuckles his belt, the small clinks of metal sending a shiver down your spine. "Gonna take all of me huh? Pretty fuckin slut. g-good-oh godd-"

You cry out in unison as he thrusts into you, yours loud and perfectly pornographic. "Such a-so tight sweetheart-pretty slutty thing for me yeah?" Billy grunts as you clench around him hand snaking to your hair to pull you back. "Or is it for Jason hmm? you think-ah-fuckin take it darlin' justttt like that- you think he could fuck you like this?" you whimper shaking your head vigorously spasming as he grips your hips slamming them back onto his. "Words, darlin'" Billy huskily mumbles to you. "Nonono j-just you-ah godd Billy so good-just you baby-feels so-ohhh" You cry out, his hand is doing little to muffle your wanton moans now. "Such a slut yeah?-fuck you're milkin' my cock so good baby-good girl such a-ah fuck-good girl." you sob at his words pretty tears streaming down your cheeks "Billy-'m soso sorry baby pleasee I can't s'too good." you slur, you feel like your coming apart at the seams as he rams his thick cock into you. "Awh is my dumb little whore crying for me-such a pretty little thing." He groans as your sobs spike in volume "You can take it darlin', I-oh god baby squeezing me so fucking tight-I know you can take it-so gooodd for me!" Billy purrs to you whimpering.

"Suck 'em, Angel," Billy's fingers hold your mouth open as you moan gratefully, tongue swirling around his digits. "Gotta keep your slutty mouth quiet somehow darlin.'" he chides to your already reeling figure. "f-fuck me Billy P-pleaseee" Your mewl comes out breathy and intelligible as you choke on his fingers. "Ohmygoshd-Billy-mph-Pleaseee-wanna cum!" Billy chuckles as you drool around his finger thumb pad coming to wipe against the bottom of your lip. "droolin'-ah- for me baby?-so-goddd too tight so fuckin tight-such a precious thing." You cling to him as he pushes you closer to the edge. Billy groans tilting his head back, and you wail when his hand comes to play with your already overstimulated clit. "B-Billy~ S-so ohmygmf-I needa cum pleasee-" Billy chuckles darkly "All mine baby-ah-good girl- all fucking mine- so good!" you whine when his thrust grow sporadic, turning your head back, you lock eyes with him, your cock drunk ones coming in contact with his blown pupils, blue completely hidden. "please." you whimper to him. Billy's eyes roll. "God yes, darlin cum for me- all-oh shit darlin' cumming too-oh Goddd." Billy rambles to you pulling you closer as you bawl out his name a final time spasming a final time around his cock, feeling his cum fill you up.

"sosoSO good for me baby, did so good, all mine, all fucking mine darlin'" Billy moans into the shell of your ear softly as you come down from your high. A warm blush fills your cheeks at his praises. You collapse, falling into him. Billy holds you up pressing kisses to your flushed cheeks as you shake, positively scorching from your orgasm. Billy is clinging to you mouthing at any skin he can reach. "love you so much- so fucking much." he slurs out kissing your cheeks again and again. "mmmm love you too baby" you sigh out completely blissed out. Cuddling closer into him. Unaware of Robin searching for you outside...

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JUAHIHSIWUHWWUIDH AGAIN THIS GOT OUTTA HAND!! MbMB (this is the start of a tiny mini series idk bro) THANK U BB FOR READING!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to be in my cousin's life? This will be long, I'm sorry

I (f19, but this started at 15) have a rough relationship with my family, I don't have a better word to describe them as besides just not the best towards me. But the real issue now is that I don't want to be involved in my cousin's (f8, but this started at 5) life. This sounds very silly, I know, but let me explain. My cousin is physical in how she expresses herself towards me (she likes to throw things at me and hit me and bite me, and I can't do anything about it because I get in trouble if I do). I have a severe nut allergy and there have been multiple times she's been caught trying to smear peanut butter on me or in my mouth while I slept. She likes to tell me she wishes I'd just eat the peanut butter so she'd never have to see me again. She just hates me, honestly (I'm not sure why, I've never hated the kid, I'm not mean to her, none of us have been able to figure out why and when asked she just says she hates me because she hates me)

The house we lived in contained just me, her, my mother, and my uncle. She is not abused by either adult, before anyone asks, she's actually quite spoiled due to the fact that they can't discipline her in any way without risking her being taken away. And I don't hate her at all, I'm bitter about how she treats me, but I know she's only a little kid. However, I just don't like being treated that way. I recently moved out and I told my mother that I didn't want to be part of my cousin's life until she stopped treating me that way. (Info: My mother thinks she treats me this way because she's a kid so she can't vent her anger out on the adults and I was the only other kid she could vent it out on.) My mother thinks I'm being cruel and punishing my cousin, she says I'll regret this choice and that my cousin will be all I have one day so I shouldn't do this. I've tried to explain that I'm not doing it to punish my cousin, it's just not good for my mental health and I can't be around this behaviour anymore. Other family members and family friends have agreed with my mother, but my friends think my decision is right. Since moving out and not going through that every day, I've started to feel better about myself, my depression isn't as bad and I don't have as much anxiety when I go to sleep. That is kinda swaying my decision to me thinking I'm right for choosing this for myself, but I still worry my mother might be right and I might be ruining my cousin's mental health by leaving.

I want to add that I know I'm way older than her, and some of you might be wondering why I don't stand up to her, but I could never do anything to stop her. I spent many years in foster care due to issues with my family (my mother, specifically), and I know that even the littlest thing where I live can get your kid taken from you. If I even raised my voice at her to tell her to stop and she told someone, she could be taken away from my family and I can't do that to her, I know the horrors of foster care. I also have spent most of my life being abused and don't know how to protect myself or defend myself in situations like these. Please keep this in mind when/if you call me pathetic or stupid, trust me I know I am.

Please, I know a lot of you may think this is silly or dumb or bait, but I need to know aita for not wanting to be in my cousin's life?

Reasons I think I might be NTA: I think my decision is good for both of us and I believe I should put mental health first in this case as it can be dangerous in the future if I don't. I don't want to stay longer and end up hating her, she's just a kid and doesn't deserve to be hated.

Reasons I think I might be TA: This could be seen as punishing her, and she might hate me more for it. She's already started being meaner to other kids now that she can't vent it out on me and I'm an adult so I can take it better than one of her classmates could. She might think her behaviour drove me away and blame herself.

What are these acronyms?

[luvtonique]

Hot Take Time

Okay, I'm gonna make a hot take. I want y'all to understand that this is coming from a 34 year old man who draws furry porn for a living and has regularly interacted with well over a thousand customers in his life, as well as partaken in various online discussions, social media platform conversations, and I've been pseudo-canceled a few times, so there you go, now we know each other, run on sentence.

I need to get something off my chest and a lot of you (I'd very safely say over 95% of social media and people in the political system and even regular media) need to get this through your heads.

Here we go, ready? Say this out loud.

"Nobody is responsible for making you feel comfortable, except yourself."

That is something that people just don't seem to understand anymore. We're in this day-and-age of people doing everything in their power to convince other people to change how they act, change what they believe, change the words they can or can't use because they are "not comfortable" and they believe it will make the world a "better place" if other people adhere to a set of guidelines that these people have deemed are necessary for the comfort of the people setting the guidelines (at the expense, of course, of the comfort of the others who are being forced to walk on eggshells).

I don't know how so few of you have a basic moral of "Life isn't fair."

It isn't. Perfection is unattainable, and yet so many of you don't fucking shut the fuck up about how everyone "needs to act" or how other people need to "be better."

Shut the goddamn fuck up, holy shit.

Nobody needs to act different so that you can be comfortable, just fucking grow a spine, holy shit. I don't care WHAT they're doing. I don't care if they're transphobic, racist, sexist, misogynistic, LGBT activists, Trump supporters, Biden supporters, I literally do not give the slightest iota of a fuck. Do they make me uncomfortable? Of course they do. That's why I don't interact with them. For my own comfort I just don't. I do what makes me comfy, I eat pizza, I drink hot cocoa, I take a fucking nap, I take some painkillers for my joint pain, I do a weed gummy, I listen to music, I watch a movie, I sit outside and watch rain fall, I FUCKING RELAX.

I have rheumatoid arthritis and am in excruciating pain 24/7/365 and there is nothing I will ever be able to do about that. Do I complain about it? Sure I do. Do I appreciate it when people carry heavy things for me so I don't have to? Sure I do.

But do I stand there next to a heavy box waiting for someone else to pick it up and then go "EXCUSE ME. I HAVE ARTHRITIS. YOU SHOULD PICK THE BOX UP FOR ME. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU TO PICK THE BOX UP" because I'm of some fucking delusion that everyone on earth has to cater to my disability?

FUCKING. NO.

You know why? Because I, unlike a fucking huge percentage of you all, understand that it is not everyone else's responsibility to cater to me and improve my level of comfort.

Especially if they're not getting paid to do that. If I were paying them, sure, that'd be fine. That's what maids are for, right? But they're not getting paid, and that's where it becomes a very bad thing.

Slavery.

But apparently y'all don't seem to understand that making people do special services or cater their behavior to you without any payment other than "not getting punished, canceled, attacked physically or screamed at" is literally textbook definition slavery. It is quite literally "Do this thing because I demanded it, and if you don't do it or if you do it in an unsatisfactory way, I will whip you."

Let's look at a hypothetical I made up myself.

Say there's a kid in school who, if they hear their name said out loud, attacks and bites the people who said that. There's been 15 incidents in a row, including two teachers being bit by this kid.

What's the solution?

Solution 1) Pull the kid out of school, contact their parents, suggest maybe therapy or putting them in special classes with a guardian of some sort, keep an eye on them, maybe they need to be medicated.

Solution 2) Tell the entire population of the school to stop saying the kid's name out loud and punish any kids who get bit because they broke the rule of catering to this psycho fucking bully.

How in the fuck do so many of you think Solution 2 is the correct solution? How the fuck do you think forcing 8 billion people to adhere to your specific demands via mass manipulation and forced control without any compensation other than "I won't bite you" is the correct course of action?

I have met people that literally their opening sentence is telling me how to talk to them and what things not to talk about around them, and when I asked "Why can't I talk about <completely mundane thing>" they literally had a fucking mental breakdown and got me banned from the Discord server I was in that they contacted me from.

And so many of you, SO MANY OF YOU will act like that's completely reasonable for them to have done and will say I AM THE BAD GUY for "DELIBERATELY ATTACKING THEM WHEN THEY ASKED ME NOT TO."

Holy fucking shit.

If you are so fucking bad off, so unhinged, that you have complete full fledged mental breakdowns over hearing a fucking word or because you scrolled past a text post you disagreed with or because someone voted for a politician you don't like, I'm sorry to say this but you desperately need to get your fucking head checked because that is NOT. FUCKING. NORMAL. BEHAVIOR.

"But Jay, being 'normal' is a social construct that-" SHUT UP.

Care for your own self, improve your own comfort and be happy with "Good enough" like the rest of the fucking world has been learning to do for fucking years, you actual fucking sociopathic manipulative shitfucks.

Thank you for reading.

~Jay (who has been labeled a transphobe for breaking up with a trans girlfriend after 9 years of her lying to him, manipulating him, forcing him to become trans out of emotional abuse, forcing him to attack his own mother, forcing him to pay for her HRT for multiple years and forcing him to be in a poly relationship while not letting him meet the other girlfriends she was fucking regularly while never meeting him IRL a single time. Yeah guess I shoulda stayed with her, I'm the bad guy for not continuing to let her abuse me because her abusing me was "making her more comfortable in the relationship." Listen. I hate to break this to you. But if you act like this, or defend these people, you are a fucking psychopath and I no longer give a shit what you think about me. You are a bad person.)

PS: I usually get people asking, when I make posts like this, "Jay, did something happen?" because y'all assume every time I wanna make a post like this, I just got out of a fight with someone and needed to vent. The truth this time is that this has been boiling up for the last 12 years I've been here on Tumblr, seeing more and more and more of this fucking manipulative sociopath behavior becoming more and more commonplace and accepted and more and more people are scared to speak out against it because if just one of you fucking psychos can damage our reputation and get us fired from our workspace, imagine what thousands of you could do. Well, I'm done catering to y'all. If you are my friend, I will gladly act a certain way around you to make you comfy because I always strive to make my friends, family members, ect. as comfortable as possible.

But if I haven't met you and I'm expected to cater to your comfort zone's rules before even saying hi to you? I'm just noping the fuck out of there because you are a sick, twisted pervert with a fucking power fetish who is blind to how much of a manipulative shitwad you are.

PPS: I know, the assumption here is "Jay's gonna start saying the gamer word to poke the beehive now! He's looking for a fight!"

No, I literally am not. Why would I? I'm trying to live and be comfortable why the shit would I go out of my way to rile the psychos up? I'm gonna just hang out with my friends and family and fans who love me and continue being a respectful person towards people who are respectful in return, rather than go out of my way to find horrible scumbag people and attack them deliberately because I wanna start a fight or some shit. Why would I wanna be in a fight? Why would I wanna deliberately troll or rile people up? That makes me feel bad. I was yelled at and beat by my father for 25 years why would I go try to get myself yelled at more? So take off the tinfoil hat, stop assuming I'm announcing I'm gonna be more openly disrespectful on purpose. I'm a respectful person, I don't attack people, I don't troll people, I don't do anything to deliberately harm anyone.

So I ask you very politely.

If anything you read here today has tarnished your opinion of me?

Please just block me and move on, holy shit. Do the right thing, make yourself more comfortable, stop interacting. Don't waste your time trying to "get through to me" just leave, it's not worth either of our time. Do that with everyone you strongly disagree with. If someone offends you so much you're shitting blood just block them. Why the fuck y'all gotta keep putting your heads in sharks' mouths and then complaining they keep bitin' you.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Smut - Sex Toys Masterlist

Be good for your daddies, boys (ao3) - orphan_account ot4 E, 3k

Summary: 5sos have a foursome after realising how much they turn each other on.

But If We're Gonna Do Anything We Might As Well Just Fuck (Does He Take Care Of You) (ao3) - Migs luke/ashton E, 6k

Summary: Luke was hoping for a pass on his coursework. He got more. Much more.

OR: Student Luke and Professor Irwin.

Daddy’s little slut (ao3) - Sara_Hood calum/ashton N/R, 2k

Summary: Calum has been a bad boy that needs punishment

Do You Wanna Fuck? (Yes I Wanna Do These Nasty Things With You) (ao3) - Migs ot4 E, 2k

Summary: Calum was in a search of spatula but all he has found was Luke playing with himself.

Green Light (ao3) - SpencerKnight ot4 E, 181k

Summary: Class is an age old concept--almost as old as the concept of human slavery, and in a world where buying humans is a standard behavior by those who can afford it, Luke's only hope as a member of the lower class is that he falls into the hands of a decent buyer--the hands of Ashton Irwin and his partners. Luke knows he has one chance to please his buyers or he risks getting put back on the market, but he's thrown for a loop when Ashton admits that Luke is the one that gets to call the shots. In an attempt to find security with the trio, Luke braces himself and gives them the green light to do whatever they want with him.

He had no idea they would refuse.

(This isn't a slavery au in the way that you think it is.)

I love the way you scream my name (ao3) - mlstyles257 ot4 N/R, 5k

Summary: The boys had purchased the Sybian months ago. But their lives were so hectic, that they haven’t gotten around to using it yet. First, they were working on their new album, then they were on the road on tour, before finally, after months of the toy collecting dust in their closet, they had free time. Michael was the one to stumble across the toy while…doing some research. He immediately sent the link to Ashton and Calum with a simple caption of ‘for Luke’. Safe to say, they bought it pretty quickly.

Luke is a little anxious to try out the new toy, but with a little reassurance from his boyfriends and a demonstration from Calum, he agrees to give it a go.

Kinky (ao3) - wastedheartmuke michael/luke M, 43k

Summary: While moving into their new apartment, Luke finds a list of kinks Michael wants to try.

Seems like vanilla sex isn’t enough for his boyfriend, but is Luke willing to try some kinky things?

Let's Try it My Way (ao3) - boomercal calum/ashton NR, 2k

Summary: On tour, they're always in a hurry but Calum wants Ashton to take his time, and if he won't? Calum will make him.

Oh You Know That Tonight I’m Fucking You (You’re So Damn Pretty) (ao3) - Migs luke/ashton E, 6k

Summary: The one where Luke says “Daddy can you pass the salt?” and Ashton and Luke’s dad both reach for it.

passionately curious (ao3) - cliffakitten luke/ashton E, 17k

Summary: 'Luke Hemmings'

At this, he nearly choked for the second time that morning, since he just happened to know someone with that name. That someone being, his next door neighbour, the very hot neighbour, who Ashton may or may not have a huge crush on.

Yeah, that Luke Hemmings. Who apparently orders sex toys online...who knew? Definitely not Ashton.

Playing In My Head (ao3) - lourrygum michael/luke, calum/ashton E, 7k

Summary: "So I'm supposed to wear this thing during the interview?" Luke asks hoarsely as he gets what Michael's planning, biting back a moan as he tries to sit back and it brushes against his prostate.

"I'd like it a lot if you'd do that, yeah," Michael smiles at him.

Ready, princess? (ao3) - orphan_account calum/ashton M, 1k

Summary: After Calum almost calls Ashton 'daddy' in the middle of an interview, he has to be punished.

So tell me what you want when you want more (ao3) - kittenmichael calum/ashton N/R, 4k

Summary: “So eager,” Ashton hisses. “Want me to fuck you? Press you into the mattress and use you to get myself off?”

Calum is still struggling to breathe, lungs savouring whatever air he gets past his swollen lips, jaw trapped in Ashton’s grip. Ashton’s fingers travel to his chin, thumb wiping away some of the blood. It presses down on Calum’s lip hard. His nails dig into the tender skin, surely breaking it and drawing even more blood. Calum just kneels further, let’s Ashton guide and kneed him. He gets pliant in Ashton’s hands. By now, he has accepted that he’s entirely at Ashton’s mercy.

or, Calum and Ashton have hot BDSM sex for the first time

spread your wings for me (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton N/R, 32k

Summary: the one where Ashton likes to watch Luke pray, and Luke is more than happy to serve the bad boy of the school.

tell me what your worst fantasies are (i bet they look a lot like mine) (ao3) - orphan_account ot4 N/R, 8k

Summary: :+: or where Luke has twisted fantasies and the boys have twisted minds:+:

the only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly (ao3) - orphan_account michael/ashton E, 6k

Summary: Ashton knew he shouldn’t be jealous.

He shouldn’t, because he knew what Michael was doing and what he’s after and after last time Ashton had told himself that he wouldn’t let Michael do this to him again, but.

But he was jealous, is the thing.

or, alternatively, Michael gets wrecked in Bali.

Tie That Binds - @ashtcnirwin (elivigar) luke/ashton E, 98k

Summary: In which Luke wants to explore miscellaneous kinks and Ashton strikes him as a good candidate to do said exploring with with.

Yes Daddy (ao3) - cinnamonhood ot4 M, 2k

Summary: Luke and Calum are caught breaking the rules and are punished by their daddies.

[marco--the--phoenix]

I deleted my old vent blog. But I gotta gwt this out.

Tw: depression - eating disorder- personal - mental health - suicide - financial issues - chronic illness

For 5 years we have lived on bare minimum. Sometimes we can do the odd nice thing here or there but it'll drain us.

Every month is a making ends meet kinda month and sometimes we go without very often.

One meal a day, I go without phone service or unable to leave the house.

It's not even our fault. Wife works full time, I can't work due to both mental and physical health.

I am so unbelievablely grateful to friends who help us out when there's a struggle but I feel so bad every time.

I'm almost 40 and I don't have the means to look after myself. I'm not the worst off person in the world but I'm fucming struggling.

I had an ED that almost killed me many years ago and it permanently crashed my body. I have a dangerous autoimmune disease that's almost killed me once already.

It's agony, my joints lock up, I've been paralysed in pain by arthritis brought on by it. My skin hurts and aches and burns all the time.

I can barely move. I ooze and feel gross and stick to things and feel ugly and gross and vile

My mental health is bad despite being medicated. My adhd is wild and the two have caused me to loose all momentum in myife. I was once in control and on top of everything and now I'm drowning.

I try not to vent to people. So used to being punished for venting rhat I'm terrified if people saw the real deph of what I'm feeling I'd loose them.

I'm sick of money lasting a second. We do like ONE nice thing a month together and even then it's far from wild or much money. We treat ourselves to a little something but like.. a £5 sketch from a friend or a third store shirt for £7 but cus we are so broke all the time and need help it feels shitty to do.

It's bad, all the time.

This month I already have £70 left to live and I've not paid for my phone yet. That 70 I'd for food, travel, anything.

We had to use money we saved for my birthday in March and their upcoming birthday just to make it to the end of every month.

We don't have family or a support network where we live.

I know staying at home doesn't seem like a big deal but reason I made a habit of going with wife to their place of work was because of me not being safe.

We've both worked hard, really hard to start out stores and try sell but it's very disheartening that despite all the effort and hard work no ones biting.

I'm so scared of being a burden to people that I clam up. I've pulled away so much from people already that I'm worried I'm not good enough any more for them.

It's all jealous icky arlf doubting feelings drowning me but I'm tired.

I started chemotherapy again for my illness but had to come off for antibiotics for an ear infection.

Chemotherapy makes me feel sick, tired, awful and without it my body attacks itself.

We are trying to go on a trip this June. Just to another city and we put money we couldn't afford towards it but I for one need a break, need something nice to look forward to, something to keep me fucking going.

I don't want to die, I just want life to be better but I've been strong all my life and I'm so weak these days cus I can't find mental or psychical strength.

I try hard to be there for others, be a good person, look on the bright side but I'm so so fucking exhausted.

I've waited years after year for things to get better. I'm not a negative person I've just been beat over the head so many times.

I'm finally letting myself cry and crumble but I'm close to breaking.

I wish I didn't feel guilty or selfish or bad for having these feelings but I do and I implode.

I just wish it was all easier.

I hope people who read this don't change their view on me or ditch me. I'm so tired and scared and hurting.

I also didn't make this post to beg for money but if there is anyone out there who could just help a little it really does help.

My P @ y p@l is corazon_x_law@yahoo.co.uk (op people it's not a ship. This was back when x didn't mean a ship dhdhdbdhd)

Or my kofi is https://ko-fi.com/cyborgfranky

It's 5am and I sat crying on the toilet like a loser.

I feel better for screaming here but.. damn.

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs Dodgy Deals

Kagha's Druid Hidey-Hole, after something of an Encounter with a few pesky kids

Wyll: I'm ... sorry about them. They're just--

Alisaie: Trying to survive. I know. They know better than to dip me again, at least. Street kids at least know not to bite the hand that actually helps them from time to time. And honestly, having to bitch-slap Kagha with her own scripture to make her stop torturing a child is just bullshit. Her attitude to the tieflings is bullshit too; I want to know why by the hells she wants this place locked down so bad. Speaking of, where in the hells is Astarion?

Astarion: *rocking up ten minutes late, only missing the Starbucks* Sorry about the delay; Gale was a little slow to ask for my presence. I think he was recomposing himself after you being amenable to whatever favour he asked of you. What did he ask of you, by the way? Anything interesting?

Alisaie: Technically his share of the loot. Not your problem.

Astarion: Fair enough; I just wish I'd thought to be devious enough to claim first dibs on loot. Anyway, I thought you wanted to keep me away from these lovely people. Whatever could have changed your mind?

Alisaie: Feel like tossing that office for potential blackmail material?

Astarion: You do know how to show someone a good time. ...I'll likely need a little distraction, however. They are being so terribly alert in there.

Alisaie: On it. Go.

Astarion: *stealths and heads towards the back of the room*

Alisaie: *casts Minor Illusion three good-sized rats on their hind legs, dancing; throws her voice - now high and squeaky - singing to the tune of "Hello! Ma Baby"* Hello! Ma baby / Hello! Ma honey / Hello ma druid boy / Show me your wildest shape / Lion or bear or ape / Honey I'm cookin' / Best you be lookin' / Cheer me and jump for joy / We'll bust all the moves for our druid booooooooy...

Astarion: I think I have what we're looking for and a little finder's fee for myself and-- Um.

Wyll; Shadowheart; Druid Assistant; Wolf; Basically Everyone: *staring as the illusory rats 'scamper away'*

Astarion: *hands paperwork to Alisaie: What ... exactly ... did I miss?

Wyll: You would not believe me if I told you.

Astarion: ...She didn't get naked, did she?

Wyll: *blushing* NO!

Alisaie: Shut up, you, or I'm bringing you to these swamps as a punishment. Looks like Kagha's up to something with Shadow Druids and we need to find out what. But first I'm going to go help that poor woman I heard murdering her lute out there.

Unfortunately, they get waylaid en route by a fancy-dressed Raphael spiriting them away to a banqueting table

Raphael: Please; help yourselves, as my honoured guests.

Alisaie: There's a pretty well-known poem - something about "We must not look at archfey men / We must not eat their fruits" - so how stupid do you think we are, exactly?

Raphael: *taking winged demon shape* Does this look like an archfey to you?

Alisaie: Yeah, no, I've heard about the cuisine in the City of Brass and literal soul food is not any better. What the fuck do you want?

Raphael: To make a little deal. I mean, a soul's nice and all, I'm sure, but how much good will it do you when you're a mind flayer?

Alisaie: How about "fuck off"? Does "fuck off" work for you? If it doesn't, too bad, because that's all your getting. I might throw in some variants - like, "get fucked up the arse with a cactus sideways", if I'm feeling generous.

Raphael: I'll get you yet, pretty. And your little dog, too.

Alisaie: I don't have a--

And they're back in the Emerald Grove

Astarion: ...Honestly, that was nicely familiar. And options are good things to have.

Alisaie: .........Please go back to camp so I don't have to bitch-slap you. Oh, and send Lae'zel. We need to talk to that tiefling who saw the gith patrol and I guess she should be there for that.

Astarion: Oh, fine. At least you're taking some steps towards a cure that don't involve a druid telling us to poison ourselves to death. *saunters off*

Wyll: You ... do know that having a githyanki here is going to be a bad idea, right?

Alisaie: I know. I'm getting it over with as fast as possible. Might as well have all the pains in the ass in one big clump.

Not very long later

Lae'zel: Your interrogation techniques are weak!

Alisaie: And yet we have information without terrorising him! And I am not one of your foot-soldiers and you're not one of those dragon-riding knights of whatever and right now you really need to get out of here before the already-freaked-out tiefling starts meebling at his equally-freaked-out friends and they come and try to lynch you!

Lae'zel: If you think I could not best a pack of teef-lings, you insult me.

Alisaie: At this point I might be inclined to help them, and-- Wait. You just called them teef-lings. You're basically clueless about any society but your own, aren't you.

Lae'zel: ...You will teach me.

Alisaie: Okay, lesson one: when you've threatened to do grievous physical harm to someone and all his friends are around and on hair-triggers because everything in their immediate vicinity wants them dead, leave before they snap.

Lae'zel: Ugh. *heads out*

Alisaie: And send back Gale! I need someone with more settings than "sulk", "seethe", and "kill".

Shadowheart: Why did we rescue her, again?

Alisaie: Because we couldn't get admittance into that creche she was talking about without her, and I want as many options for a cure as I can get that don't involve trading my soul to a cambion. If you want the pragmatic reasons. Which are the only ones I don't lose sight of when she starts being insulting just because.

A little while later, after a walk down the beach that went badly wrong

Wyll: All right ... I'm feeling better after being lured by harpies. Your wizard...

Gale: *rolling shit on WIS saves* Oooh, pretty.

Wyll: Is entirely not. And Shadowheart--

Shadowheart: *flinging Guiding Bolt at incoming Harpy, reducing it to ash*

Wyll: ...Is fine. Alisaie--

Alisaie: *Mobile Flourished (Ranged); fires an arrow at the singing harpy, then teleports over to said singing harpy; kabobs harpy in the process*

Wyll: ...what the...

Alisaie: Elfsong Tavern says hello, you feathered amateur! *headbutts; Thunderwaves the rest into abstract splatters on the cliff face*

Gale: *blinkblink* Waitwut.

Wyll: As Blade of the Frontiers, lady ... I want lessons.

And some while later, after a meeting with Zevlor and a couple of unfortunate encounters...

Gale: Alisaie ... today we have bested harpies, stopped two incursions into the grove by the local goblin and bugbear population...

Wyll: Rescuing one of the local archivists from goblins just in the nick of time! Is this what it feels like to have all the tales they tell about me not be exaggerated?

Alisaie: Yep. Bask away.

Gale: Anyway, and also interrogated a dead man. The sun is getting low and we could really use a rest.

Alisaie: Yeah, just investigating these berry bushes and--

Scratch: *is pacing around his former master*

Wyll: ...Didn't that demon say...?

Alisaie: So he's keeping an eye on things and knows I won't leave a dog to pine himself to death. And if Raphael tries to get my new dog I will feed him his own horns.

Gale; Shadowheart; Wyll: ............

Alisaie: I'd do the same if he went after you guys, by the way. Just in case I didn't mention.

Shadowheart: What about Astarion and Lae'zel?

Alisaie: ......Meeeeeeh, that's still up for debate. Not sure where Lae'zel stands on demon pacts but Astarion's up for anything that gives him power so I might keep him away from Raphael as a matter of principle. *retrieves sausage from pack; approaches Scratch* Hey, fuzzbutt. Hungry?

Gale: She is the oddest combination of kind and ... and...

Shadowheart: I think 'pragmatic' is the word you're groping for.

Gale: Actually, I was vacillating between that one and 'unbelievably violent'.

[erophonemic]

2, 3, 8, 13, 16, 17, 23, 29, 33, 45, 54, 55, 59, 64, 68 (If that's too many sorry I'm just curious about you and I think you're hot as fuck) (I absolutely did not pick 55 based on that fact *cough cough*)

Oh my, time to type hehe <33 Thank you for all of the questions dear~ 2. How old were you when you had sex for the first time?

18 in terms of sex online with a long distance partner, 21 in terms of sex in person.

3. Have you ever walked in on people having sex?

Nope! Except for a roommate having a rare grindr date, any sex in this house would usually involve me asdkfhsdkjfa

8. Do you own any sex toys? If so, what?

I have a We Vibe Vector vibrator that I'd love to hack at some point due to buttplug.io compatibility, but my partner has a few dildos that I use as well. I'm really jealous of my friend's glow in the dark dildos they look so cooll, I also really want a specific strappon, it's so rad. Maybe if I could get to the point where people would be interested in giving me money to support my content, or getting a job haha

13. Have you ever experienced DP?

I have not, alas

16. Do you like to watch?

As in, watch people in front of me have sex? That situation hasn't come up and if I wasn't in a sexual relationship with them I might feel out of place or not interested.

17. Ever been filmed or filmed yourself during a sexual act?

Absolutely, I have some here :)

23. One thing you haven’t done sexually that you are hoping to try.

Being the submissive of a threesome, and also more sex with transmasculine people would be lovely!

29. Have you ever accidentally sent a dirty pic or message to the wrong person/people?

Nope! I'm pretty careful about that

33. Whip or riding crop?

I'm not really that interested in pain from a tool because I like the human touch aspect more. Also in general a lot of my interest is in what my sexual partner is into, and he's into a lot of choking / biting / a bit of body slapping so I enjoy that more

45. Choking or hair pulling?

Both :) love to be held 🥰

54. Would you rather play dirty doctor or naughty detention?

I don't particularly associate the medical industry with sexiness, but I do like going to the dentist because I get to just lie back and be comfortable while someone messes with my mouth and tells me what to do haha

I just like the attention ^u^

I don't think I could get into "naughty detention" because I don't like the framework of being punished, and I have too many opinions about the way the school industry is poorly structured kjashflkjsf

55. What’s sexier nice eyes or nice lips?

It's hard for me to place sexiness in particular things like that, honestly. A lot of my attraction comes from if I'm impressed by that person or admire the way they think and feel like we can learn from each other. Aesthetics play a lot into it as well. I do think eyes are always pretty 💜

59. Ball gag or hand over mouth?

Oh both are lovely... I love hands and touch so much, ball gag sounds fun to be a drooly mess

64. Are you vocal during sex?

Absolutely, I love to whine and moan, I love to really get into the mindspace and enjoy myself >w<

68. Naked twister or strip poker?

Naked twister sounds more fun because there's more physical movement and silliness, whereas I'm not really interested in poker.

[bronze-bell]

Fixing his eyes on the blackboard as he could just feel a pounding heart from the other, Frederick came to the dawning realization he had messed up. Not because of the words that were written. But rather, how they were written. His mother tongue had leaked out of him, hadn't it? Did he– had he given too much away? God, if Victor told anyone... what would people think of him?

With a shaking, unsteady hand, Frederick would remove the letter from his coat pocket, making sure he had proper reference. If he was getting the wrong words, if the words had been overwritten in his mind, he couldn't have a conversation. The things said before were at least on hand. At least could be referenced.

Slow, shaking breaths forced themselves in and out as Frederick began to talk, thumb running down the letter as he reacquainted himself with what was given to him prior. "[Right. You, too, have seen... more than I prefer to let others know, but... you're still here anyway. Hearing such constant gossip about people I do not know nor care about, the lying and sweet, honeyed words when speaking to the person they were saying such things about the week prior... it all sickens me. So knowing that you're... not telling the world everything that shows me at my weakest... it means a lot.]"

"[Even if you are not okay, wh– why should you be punished...?]" Frederick glanced towards his cane, ever so briefly, before his eyes returned to the letter. "[I have a way to defend myself, if needed. And you, as well. It's... not much, but I hope it can at least do something.]"

"[Th-thank you again, for... what you have said to me. I... am not used to such words. I've heard enough talk of my music not being enough like what was expected of someone where I came from. Enough talk of straying from what people were willing to accept. But here you are.]" Even if those words were lies, he hadn't heard such things enough. So he had to hold on to what he could get. What someone willingly gave him.

As his thumb reached that sentence fragment that caused him to break last time, he could not stop himself from gripping the paper's edges tightly, the knot in his chest forming all too quickly. What could he even say? His words, as they came out, started anxious, a clearly false smile pressed upon his face, before he could feel his body, his pretense, his everything collapse from the emotional pain of thinking about it all. "[Victor... you may be the most human out of anyone I've met. The most... real. The competition is hardly close, with so much gossip and lying and words behind backs that I've seen. I've heard too much... Of course I'd care for you, worry about you. I... don't want to lose you, okay?]"

Victor... Has to take a moment to breathe. Admittedly, he had made the same slip up with his writing, not even realising that he had repeated the language as he was turning the thoughts over in his mind. Despite kicking himself mentally, he's now definitely confident that at least his first idea, the one about it being the pianist's mother tongue, was correct.

That's not the overwhelming part, though. There's words, lots of them, and he doesn't know how to respond to it all at once. It's not like he could pretend to not understand it... So, like a letter, he will pick it apart and respond to each in turn. In English this time. He doesn't want that autopilot slip up to come out and bite him later.

He moves to almost face Frederick, starting to write his first response. The consequences of his chalkboard being small enough to fit in his bag is not much space to write.

[{I would never}] That's German again. Rewrite. [I would never share any secret spoken here. People love to gossip - know that too well. It's scary not knowing what they say about you.] He shudders at this thought. He moves the chalkboard towards Frederick, keeping one hand on it to indicate he isn't done yet.

After Frederick nods, he wipes it clean and plans to move onto the next statement, before he is reminded of Frederick saying he had a way to... Protect them. If needed. He stops in his motions, following Frederick's turned-away gaze to the cane resting against the bed. Is that what he means? It doesn't look deadly, but he's learned the hard way that it could draw blood if outfitted with even a slight spike. He swallows down the urge to press himself further away from Frederick, and writes again.

[Have you been targeted before? by them? Regardless of yes or no, the safety measure does make me feel —] He wants to say scared, but that may just make things worse. [Safer. Thank you.] There's still something else to address, and something about Frederick's tone makes him feel... Strange. It's pitiful. Scared. Why? [Why would I not be punished for failing?] He leaves it at that. He's running out of room. Present, wait, retrieve, faster than he did last time when he sees the pianist tense up a little.

[Your music is wonderful. It should be celebrated.] He imagines himself receiving praise like that about his line of expertise, and finds himself smiling at the thought. [I see no point in conforming in your line of work. You are not a postman, after all. There is no standard you need to be held to.] Present, wait, enjoy the pianist's distracted face lighting up a little, retrieve.

He grits his largely unused teeth as he erases the chalk again, thinking of how to respond to the last statement. Frederick called him genuine and he could understand why, but... Being called "human" felt strange. Unequivocally wrong. Even if he couldn't quite place it. He decides to ignore it for the sake of his sanity. [I wish you could see more people that kept secrets. I am not the only one.] He feels like Frederick needs reminding of that fact.

His brain moves categorically to the next words, and he finds himself smiling again at the reminder, that giddiness from before back. Care? He cares for Victor? Wants him? If Victor could have enough space and time to describe how he feels, it'd be a dog being given a treat, and it leaves him drunk on it much more than the more clear-headed part of Victor would ever dare to admit.

[thank you for loving me!] is all he can get down, but he imagines his joy says enough. Present, remove his hand, wait. What will the pianist say next? He's scared, but also excited, practically wagging his tail hoping for another nice word to be the plaster to what the other words will likely be.

[primeideal]

Okay so, this is gonna be a little all over the place, not because it's controversial (it is controversial, but I'm ready for that), but because it's stuff I've blogged about in other places under other names and I don't want to feel like I'm repeating myself, so it might be disjointed. But.

Sometimes person A will be like: "it's good that we have rules, rules prevent us from going ballistic on each other all the time." And then person B will be like: "so you're saying if you didn't have laws/religion/some external force whose punishments you were afraid of, you would be going around murdering people all the time? Wow, you must really be a terrible person. I'm glad I'm actually a decent person and don't need the fear of punishment to motivate me, but I'm glad that religion and stuff exists for the sake of smallminded people like you."

But there are other reasons, besides "fear of punishment," to support having a clear-cut set of rules. One of them is the Kantian idea of "what if everybody thought that way?" I wouldn't feel safe in a world where the general vibe was "you're allowed to murder someone if they're being annoying," because I would probably get murdered pretty quickly. That also goes for much more trivial things, though: I don't like it when other people vomit their problems on me, so in return, I try to live by a rule of "I don't vomit my problems on other people." So I often think that person B is mischaracterizing person A.

I can relate when people talk about having high standards for themselves; if I didn't, I'd be a hypocrite. So what happens when, despite everything I do to bite my tongue and not vomit my problems on other people, person C comes along and vomits their problems on me anyway? If I try to tell them to shut up and not drag everyone else down with them, person D will scold me and say "hey, you can't do that."

Me: Why not?

D: C can't help being annoying.

Me: Don't they have, like, a free will module in their brain? I have one of those, it's great.

D: No, they don't. Life dealt them a bad hand, and as a result, they've just completely lost any capacity to control their impulses or think about whether they're being fair to others.

Me: So, if I was to start throwing tantrums whenever things didn't go my way, and make it into everyone else's problem, that would be fine?

D: No, you can't do that, because you've already demonstrated you have a free will module and know better.

Me: But if I'd never had any rules for myself to begin with, and had just instead been acting out all this time, I could have gotten away with it?

D: ...well. Maybe. I mean, if I didn't know you any better, judging you would be for meanies, and I'm not a meanie.

Like, if my only two options are "let everyone else vomit on me because I'm not allowed to have nice things until everyone else does to" or "go back in time and tell my younger self it was a mistake to ever have rules," you can bet I'm going to take the third option, which is "jump into the Seine and fucking die."

*I recognize this has more to do with musical- and osmosis-Javert than brick-Javert. I also recognize that Victor Hugo, to his credit, in general doesn't back away from the conclusion of "yeah sometimes you just have to go and fucking die, sucks to be you," but that other people might have reasonable objections to this idea.

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Master - Chapter 34a

*Warning: Adult Content*

- Kalem -

Pixie festivals were amazing.

It was like everything sparkly and pretty in all the worlds came together to this once special place to show off just how amazing they were and it made me want to never ever leave. 

I usually didn't like it when there were too many people around me and Master but I didn't mind it as much when it was pixie people.

Pixie people were too sparkly to not like.

There were all types of pixies, big ones and tiny ones, ones with super big wings and ones with the smallest ones, then there were those pixies who shimmered and sparkled all around and others that only had their plain colour but they still looked pretty.

And best of all, they were all nice. 

Everyone had big smiles on their face, they were singing and dancing and laughing, being happy and kind all around. 

None of them wanted to take me from Master, they all kind and smiled whenever they saw us and the ones who were working in the food tents gave us all these special treats for free, which Arias' Malcolm said was a good thing.

So far, I'd been given something called a donut and something else Master said was called churros. 

I loved them both and asked for even more when I finished them quickly. 

I was on my last churro now and though I wanted to savour it, it was disappearing quickly.

"Master," I whisper as I give his hand a little tug. 

Master looks down at me and immediately starts laughing... 

"What?" I ask.

"You seem to get messy when you're enjoying what you're eating," Master says as he raises his free hand to rub at my lips and cheeks gently... 

"There's sugar all over."

I lower my eyes while Master cleans me up, feeling embarrassed but also loving having his attention on me. 

When I'm all clean, Master kisses me gently and rubs gently at my warming cheeks, I force myself to look back up at him as I offer the last bit of my churro.

"Do you want some?" I ask with a hopeful smile.

Master leans down and holds my gaze while he takes a bite of the churro, he chews it slowly as he straightens up and smiles wickedly at me. 

I swallow, well I try to swallow, it was hard when my mouth was soundly so dry.

That did it. 

I had to climb Master when we got home, there was no other choice.

"So," Master asks innocently. 

"How are you finding it so far?"

"I love it," I exclaim with a bright smile. 

"It's the most wonderful place in the whole world."

"Because it's sparkly or because there's so much yellow?" Master asks with a raised brow.

That was another thing that was great about the pixie people, they understood just how bright and beautiful yellow was and had lots of it everywhere. 

"Both," I reply and Master laughs again before he pulls me in closer.

We continue to walk through the festival, taking it all in as best as we could while Arias' Malcolm walked ahead with his master, showing him everything that he loved and thought Arias would love to. 

Arias seemed to enjoy it, in his own way, he loved learning new things and his Malcolm was showing him everything there was to the pixies. 

And his Malcolm was also happier than I'd ever seen him and every now and again I caught Arias smiling at him.

Arias and his Malcolm were very cute together to me but I kept that thought inside.

"Master, can we go do that?" I ask pointing towards the section where there were lots and lots of pixies dancing around. 

They were all moving in sync, connecting and splitting at all the right parts and I wanted to give it a try. 

Though when I looked up at Master he seemed a bit reluctant, so I pulled out my 'weapon of quick persuasion' as Arias called it.

"Please Lincoln," I beg while I look up at Master with wide eyes.

Master immediately relaxed his strained features and nodded slowly. 

I squeal my excitement and fly up with my wings to kiss his cheek, Master chuckles and lets me pull him towards all the dancing pixies.

When I used Master's name, he doesn't get mad or give me a punishment like all the stupid trainers said he would. 

Master just gets really happy, it was as if when I said his name everything mean went away and that always made me super happy to know that I could give my Master so much happiness.

I couldn't understand how I ever feared Lincoln when he was so kind and perfect.... and sweet.

"Follow my lead," Master says as he pulls me into a free spot near the back of the large crowd, I nod and bite my lip to stop myself from laughing as Master took the first stance. 

It wasn't that Master was doing it wrong, he did it just like all the other pixies around him, it was just funny since it was Master doing it. 

With a smile on my face and never-ending, my new word of the day, joy in my heart, I take the stance as well and let myself giggle when Master laughs when I do it too. 

Through our giggling and laughing, we manage to follow along as best as we could to all the other dancing pixies who danced around one another. 

Each pixie had a dancing partner but it was all done as a group, we slipped between one another and around each other, returning to our original partner only after performing all the right steps.

My favourite part was when everyone stopped and flew up for a moment with their wings, cheering loudly while in the air, before we landed back down to the ground and began all again.

It didn't take long for me to pick up on it and soon I was dancing just as quickly as everyone else or I hoped that I was. 

There were smiles all around which only made it that much better, so when Master and I met each other again I had to tell him ‘I love you’ before we parted again because if it wasn't for Master I wouldn't know that this much happiness was possible.

Master whispered it back when we met again and flashed me a wide smile while we danced and danced with shared smiles and giggles.

When Master and I took our final stance and escaped from the still dancing crowd, I could stop myself from jumping into his arms. 

Master held me close with loving eyes and kissed me silly and all I could think or feel was love and safety with the man who promised to love me forever and ever.

It was Master and me forever plus happiness like this always.

I knew then exactly what I'd do for him, so that my Lincoln knew always how much I loved him.

[gloriousmishaps]

figuring out you might have a diagnosable mental illness in your adult years and then looking back on everything you did as a kid and slowly connecting the dots is both a satisfying and terrifying experience

[fierceawakening]

@maybesimon i think people usually think of punishment in the context of (bad) parenting - if you smash your plate in anger you have to help clean it up (=consequences) vs your mom sends you to your room without dinner (=punishment), where consequences seem to relate to fixing the bad thing you did and punishment is something bad imposed on you that does not in itself help to fix what you broke

OH

OH OKAY

to me, "punishment" was any time, as a child, that my parents strongly felt I'd done something unacceptable or even immoral (in the "little kid" sense of immoral, like not sharing, or biting another kid, or using Bad Words) but I was unwilling to sort out the issue myself. (Maybe I thought the other kid deserved it, maybe I was in a snit, etc.)

When those things happened (and they were pretty rare), I was "punished." Usually, this meant "forbidden to use the computer for a set number of hours," as my parents knew this was unpleasant to me.

So for me, the paradigm case is more like what happens after someone commits a crime. A person or group of people (in, say, a jury trial) discusses whether you did it. If they decide you did, they then decide on a sentence, that is, a punishment for the crime.

So to me, punishments can be warranted or not, light or heavy, fair or unfair. But all you know from the word is that some breach of the social contract occurred, and that some person or people (even if there's just one judge, there's choosing to press charges, etc. so it's usually people, not one person) believe it is more just/beneficial for consequences to be imposed on the perpetrator than it is to do nothing and hope the perpetrator is grateful for the reprieve and learns from that alone.

If "punishment" means "using shame to secure compliance" or something, THAT's morally bad, yeah.

But then we need another word that just means "we aren't like, invested in doing you harm, but yeah we need you to like, not rape anyone else now, and we kind of doubt that you just crying in front of us really means you won't try again."

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass) || Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round) || Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger) || Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) ||| Also posted at AO3

—

Chapter 6B: Without You

Without you in my life // I'd slowly wilt and die But with you by my side // You're the reason I'm alive...

Soundtrack: “Without You,” Mötley Crüe, 1989 [click here to listen]

Six A.M. – Claire quietly shut her door and softly padded down the hallway toward the dining room.

The Ridge’s sleeping quarters reminded her of her college dorm – a long hallway of single rooms, with a shared bathroom at the end of the hall. Women were up here on the second floor – men were in a separate wing on the other side of the dining room, which with the therapy rooms and administrative offices sat at the middle of the large building.

As she entered the dining room, she smiled a hello at Glenna, a kind middle-aged woman who organized breakfast, among dozens of other jobs. Glenna had had a terrible addiction to pills – “just like you, dear, and I overcame it, so you can too” – and had found a home at The Ridge keeping the whole operation running.

“You’re up early,” Glenna remarked as Claire poured herself a cup of coffee.

Claire stirred in cream and sugar. “I haven’t been able to sleep.”

Glenna set down a tray of piping hot cinnamon buns. “It will be a while before you do. Remember, your body is still in shock. It will take longer than you want, to find a new rhythm. Be patient.”

“I will. Thanks, Glenna.”

Glenna gestured with her head toward the porch. “He’s out there.”

Claire frowned. “Who?”

Glenna smiled. “Who do you think? It’s none of my business – but you’re well-suited.”

Claire piled two cinnamon buns on a plate, her heart beating a bit faster. “There’s nothing going on between us. Besides, isn’t it against the rules?”

Glenna set one hand on her hip. “Not yet there isn’t. And since when did the rules ever stop either of you?”

Claire smiled and shook her head, already crossing the empty dining room.

As soon as she popped her head outside, she saw him – alone in the corner of the porch.

As she approached, she saw he had an acoustic guitar on his lap, strumming quietly, scribbling in a notebook.

“Good morning.”

He looked up at her, suddenly beaming. “Early to bed, early to rise, hmm?”

She held out the plate, and he took a bun. “I figured, might as well get up.” She sat down next to him, set down the plate, and took a long sip of coffee. “Do you always get up this early?”

Chewing, he turned back his guitar, plucking quietly at the strings. “Yeah. Being here is the first regular sleep schedule I’ve had in years. This may sound terrible – but I realize now that I’d forgotten how to fall asleep.”

She wrapped her hands around the coffee mug. “What do you mean?”

He tapped the side of the guitar. “I was drinking two bottles of Jack a day, Claire. I’d have it with breakfast, throughout the morning, before a gig, after a gig. I’d just pass out at some early hour, with some girl who I’d picked up at the gig or at a strip club after the gig, and then wake up sometime the next day. And when I wasn’t touring – I’d still drink a lot. Hang out with my friends, or with the band – go out, hit the clubs, maybe do a few bumps of coke. But it would always end the same way, passed out on a floor or a couch or, on better nights, my bed.”

She watched a blue jay flit from tree to tree, down below in the forest.

“I had so many chances over the years to wake up. It’s so clear to me now. There was one day when we were in the studio, laying down a new track – and I needed to take a break, so I’d gone to a smaller practice studio next door. With a speedball in my pocket. So I helped myself to it, and I don’t remember what happened next, but my producer tells me that a few minutes later I’d buzzed him on the intercom, and asked him for a gun so that I could shoot the men in top hats who were coming out of the speakers.”

Claire swirled her half-empty coffee cup. “I’d work three days on, three days off. It’s a punishing schedule – but I knew that going in. After a long day with several surgeries, I’d crash. Sometimes I’d have to be on call, so I’d sleep in this little room we had upstairs in the staff area. It had two sets of bunk beds and a shower – all a body needs. But I’d be so wired from the adrenaline – from needing to focus so much on the patients – that I couldn’t sleep, you know?”

He nodded. “I know. I know exactly what you mean.”

“The pills helped me sleep. That’s what I told myself at first. And I didn’t feel terrible when I woke up – especially if someone was banging on the door, giving me a five minute warning to get back downstairs. I could get all of the sleep with all of the alertness on the other end. But then…well.” She sighed. “Then it got to the point where I told myself I couldn’t sleep at all if I didn’t have the pills – even on my days off. Because I had to sleep, to make up for the sleep I’d lost when I was on call. And then I was taking them during the day, to calm down.”

He turned a new page in his notebook, pulled out a pen from behind his ear, and scribbled something.

“I guess you’re working on something new?”

He nodded. “Sometimes the music comes first. Sometimes it’s the lyrics that come first. But if I don’t write it down, I won’t remember it the next day.” He frowned. “Come to think of it – it must be because my memory was so shot from the booze, that I wasn’t even capable of remembering.”

He cleared his throat, and set down the guitar, and picked up a cup of coffee. “What do you think? You’re a doctor, after all.”

She smirked. “I’m a surgeon, not a neurologist. But it sounds plausible. Can you remember things better now, that you’re sober?”

He nodded. “It’s crazy. I just feel so much…clearer. In control. It’s good to be in control.” He took another bite of cinnamon bun. “Are you feeling that?”

She sighed. “I’m feeling. I didn’t want to feel anything for the longest time. But now I’m feeling…just feeling.”

Footsteps on the deck behind them – Rupert, shuffling in his bathrobe, blearily waving hello, clutching a gigantic cup of coffee.

A beat.

How to find common ground outside of their addictions?

“Can you tell me more about that song you’re writing?”

He set down his coffee and picked up the notebook, flipping back to the previous page. Set it on the table between them. Picked up his guitar. Looked down at his notes. Started to sing – his voice quiet, clear, strong.

Without you, there's no change My nights and days are grey If I reached out and touched the rain It just wouldn't feel the same

Without you, I'd be lost I'd slip down from the top I'd slide down so low Girl you never, never know...

Without you, without you A sailor lost at sea Without you, woman, the world comes down on me

“I don’t know where to go from there,” he said, continuing to play slow notes on his guitar. “Need more verses, of course. Maybe a space for a guitar solo. I don’t know.” He looked up at her. “What do you think?”

Rupert clapped and hooted from across the porch. Giving Claire enough time to find her voice.

“I think you’ve got a keeper there,” she said softly.

He held her gaze. “I’m glad you think so.”

“Play Freebird!” Rupert shouted.

They shared a smile.

Claire’s world tilted just a little.

[lilallama]

Valentines Day

TW: Obsessive behaviour, mentioning of stealing and slight homophobia, proceed with caution!

"Taehyung sweetie, wake up.~"

I groan and turn in my sheets, slowly regaining consciousness. "I've prepared you breakfast. Get dressed and come downstairs." The clacking of my mother's heels echoed through the hall as she went away. Groggily I sit up and stretch. I push my bangs out of my eyes I stare towards the window to my left. The sun shines through the thin curtains casting an orange light on my bedroom wall. I yawn and stand up, pulling the curtains aside and flooding the room with light. I take a moment to look outside, admiring our beautiful garden before remembering what day it is. Today is Valentines day! My God/Goddess asked me to meet up with them. Oh, spending Valentines with my saviour is the best thing to have ever happened to me!

I rush to pick out a white dress shirt, a khaki sweater vest with a black pair of slacks. After also brushing through my hair to untangle any knots I opened my secret Y/n shrine. The picture of their smiling face makes my heart pound so fast. They are otherworldly, absolutely ethereal! I take out a shirt of theirs which I borrowed a while ago. If I close my eyes it still smells like them, it's addictive.

Just to make sure that no items were robbed from their place I go through all items once again. Five chewed on pencils, a small box of empty wrappers, my 20 most favourite photos of them, the candle they accidentally bit into because they thought it was edible, the borrowed shirt, a pair of their underwear, a bunch of pins and hair ties they touched, the bundle of 36 hair strands I managed to collect (I only collect the hairs that have fallen out, I would never dare to cut or rip out my God's/Goddess' hair) and my water bottle which they drank out of (I had to buy a new one to keep this in my shrine but it was so worth it). All my items were there.

Suddenly I hear clacking and a small thud. I turn around in confusion, what just happened? But then I hear Yeontan's bark from the other side of the door. He ran against the door again. I can't help but laugh as I go to open the door for him. He jumps up a bit so I kneel down to pet him. "I'm meeting up with Y/n today, isn't that exciting!" Yeontan immediately started yapping, he loved my God/Goddess almost as much as I do. It's really incredible what an effect Y/n has on everyone, they all seem to love them. Well, then again that is expected to be the case considering Y/n is such a godly being.

"Taehyung!" "I'm coming!" My mother called me again. "Come on, boy." I hurry downstairs with Yeontan following me. "Good morning, Ma. Good morning, Pa." My father nodded at me while my mother beckoned me to sit down and eat. While I finish my breakfast my mother was talking about a lot of stuff. "Have you heard, they're trying to make gay marriage legal here. That is complete nonsense! God created a man and a woman for a reason." I have no clue what my mother was raging about. I concluded that she's probably just misinformed, Y/n said that being part of the lgbtq community is completely natural and alright. I know they know better than anyone else. "What's so bad about it, Ma?" My mother looked at me with horror. "They can't help who they're attracted to. It's all natural, isn't it?" My mother shook her head. "No!" She exclaimed, "Being gay or trans or something is inherently selfish! Gays are selfish! Men and women were created by God to conceive a child and stop the human kind from getting extinct. Trans are selfish! God gave you a body and you chose to change it in it's entirety! Such behaviour is unacceptable." "But I thought God loves everyo-" "Where have you even gotten that idea? Maybe you should go back to homeschooling. Clearly these other kids are having a bad influence on you." I look over to my father who just continues reading the newspaper. I respect my mother but she clearly isn't ready yet for the wisdom Y/n has bestowed upon me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. "Look at the time we'll have to go now." Right, it was Sunday which means we're going to church. I always like going there, the windows astound me everytime. And the pastor is always so welcoming and friendly. I vividly remember asking him about the lgbtq community after Y/n had told me about them. He said that God loves everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. He truly is a wise man.

As soon as we returned my father got a call from a business partner. They said they'd have to go now and want me to take Yeontan with me to my meet up. While I was a bit saddened that I couldn't be alone with my God/Goddess I decided it wouldn't be a problem.

Yeontan excitedly trots besides me as I make my way to the place where my saviour and I would meet up. I debated getting them a bouquet of red roses for Valentines day, but figured that the 20 letters, 12 stuffed animals and 18 bouquets I gave them during the past week would be enough, for now. As I make my way there I couldn't conceal the excitement I felt. Getting the chance to spend time with my Master/Mistress was something I believed I'd only ever dream about. The euphoria I feel from the mere thought of getting to see them today is dizzying.

Suddenly Yeontan starts barking and storms off. He never leaves my side, that's why he's not kept on a leash. To see him run away from me like that was surprising at best. But then I notice the reason for his behaviour. The puppy ran towards Y/n who was waiting for me a few metres away. How could I have just ignored my saviour like that! What I did was unacceptable. I would punish myself, but it would likely ruin Y/n's day, I can't let that happen. So I run after Yeontan, towards my God/Goddess.

"Good morning, Y/n! I'm sorry about him." I look down at Yeontan who's still getting pet by Y/n. He better cherish that they're even looking at him. It's bad enough that he practically demanded pats from them. So disrespectful. "No worries. He's so adorable!" At least Y/n seemed to enjoy his behaviour. I doubt it would work if I behaved that way towards them, but that's for another day to find out. "I dearly hope you didn't have to wait too long." They smile up at me. Oh, their smile is to die for. So incredibly perfect! I feel my knees getting weak. "Don't worry about it. I just arrived too." Yeontan started barking again and was noe excitedly jumping around, making Y/n laugh. "Awe! Yeontan is so adorable. I didn't know you'd take him with you." "It was unexpected for me as well." They stand up and take my hand. My heart is beating so fast, I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's getting harder to breathe. "Let's go now!" We start walking along the path with Yeontan rushing after us.

We sat outside a small café and each ordered our desired dessert. "Have you ever been on a date?" That question caught me off guard. "Oh, no. I haven't." I believe that much was quite obvious, but perhaps I was mistaken. They look surprised, shocked almost. "Really? How come? Aren't you getting asked out left and right?" "I suppose I just never had interest in anyone. I barely know those who ask me out. They're all so shallow to confess without knowing anything about me." Just then the waiter returned with our desserts. We thank him before we start eating.

Both of us watch as Yeontan is running around and playing in the snow. I look over to see Y/n smile at him, leading me to also smile. I adore their smile. Everything about them is so perfect. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. Each detail is something new, something beautiful to discover. Unable to take y eyes off them I-

"Excuse me." Who dares interrupt my special time with my God/Goddess?! Two girls stood next our table. One almost cowering behind the other and mumbling something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no. Jess, don't." But I really couldn't care less. "My friend thinks you're really cute and was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with her." So annoying. I eye them down and make one thing clear. "I'm not interested." The girl cowering behind the other looked disappointed, perhaps ashamed. Good. She should be. After they interrupted my date with the Y/n they can go burn for all I care. "Have a good day." After the girls back away with the other girl exclaiming, "What a jerk!" I turn my attention back to Y/n. "Uhm, wasn't that a bit harsh?" They looked unsure. "Was it? I thought it was reasonable. Better to tell the truth than lead them on, am I correct?" They took another bite of their dessert. "I guess you're right."

We had a grand time strolling through the park, even having a snowball fight. They won. Obviously I could not compete with my God/Goddess, no one could ever. Yeontan was also very entertained as he kept trying to catch the snowballs as they flew over his head. Soon the sun began setting. It was incredible how fast the time flew by. Both our clothes were slightly damp due to the snow. I didn't think much about it untill Y/n began shivering. No no no no! My saviour could get sick, or die! I couldn't let that happen. I take off my jacket and gently place it over their shoulders. "But, won't you be cold?" I give them a reassured smile. "Don't worry about me, my God/Goddess. If I may, I'd love to accompany on your way home." They let out a bashful chuckle, making me melt. I feel my entire body heating up from that gorgeous chuckle. Their power over me is simply astounding.

All the way home I keep my arm atound them in hopes of providing some form of warmth for them. I cannot bear knowing that they're freezing. Never would I be able to forgive myself if they'd catch a cold. Yeontan was also slowly getting tired, which was by bo means a surprise considering how he played and jumped around all day. "Thank you for bring me home, Taehyung." Hearing them say my name makes my entire body tingle and flutter. "You do not have to thank me, Y/n. It was an honour!" Whatever I expected, it was not feeling their lips against mine. My mind went blank and I could barely stand. I felt dizzy, yet so so good! They gave me my jacket back after the short peck and laughed. "Goodnight!" Then they went inside and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, shocked at what had happened yet freling absolute bliss. After a minute or so I manage to finally pull myself together. I put on my jacket, it smells like them! And then I picked Yeontan up and walked home.

Oh, this day was the best I've ever had!

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[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Dangerous Love (Pt. 11 of 13)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman) X Harley Quinn's sister!Reader

Word count: 3K

Summary: You're Harley Quinn's sister, Havoc, one of the many villain's of Gotham. But you've been caught, and has been tortured constantly for an year in Belle Reve. But when your think your life can't be anything else than the nightmare you find yourself into, Bruce Wayne, the Batman, takes you in for a project. He has a program to rehabilitate villains, and you're his lab rat. But soon enough confusing feelings start getting in the way. You know falling for Bruce is stupid. But can you keep your heart under control?

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{Justice League - DC Masterlist}

×

Plans For The Future

You're seated on your knees, on the floor, before the coffee table where several sheets of paper are scattered around. The possibilities for your future. You left the League in the cave to discuss their business and came up here to do this. But it's been twenty minutes since you wrote down the last option, and you're still clueless.

“Any luck?” Barry is suddenly seated across from you, the wind he makes with he's speed messing with the papers. But he quickly gathers them again.

“No,” you mutter, feeling a little defeated. Seconds later the others are here too, and as if they were told to, they sit all around the coffee table, on the floor. Expect for Bruce, who sits on the couch, his legs near you.

“Isn't there anything you would like to do?”

“I can't really picture myself doing anything.” Running a hand through your hair, you sigh.

“You were so excited about it in the cave. What changed?" Diana asks, and you notice how everyone seems focused on you. In the last week, since they got back from Washington, the League seems very interested in you. There's a lot of effort to make you feel comfortable, and engage you in their conversations.

“Am I going crazy or are you guys like... Trying to make me get used to normal human interaction again?” Crossing your arms, you have your answer by the way they all exchange a glance and then stare at Bruce. “I knew it.”

“How did you find out?”

“Well, right now everyone is literally seated around the coffee table with me. Except for this weirdo here.” You elbow Bruce's leg, making Barry and Arthur giggle. “You're planning to take me out, aren't you?”

“You're very perceptive.” He says as he moves to seat on the floor with you, an arm around your shoulders. “I've been thinking about it for a while.”

“Do you think I can deal with the real world?” You ask him in a lower voice. You haven't been on the streets yet, and you're not sure how you'll feel among the people.

“Yes, I do.”

“You know people will think Bruce Wayne has a girlfriend, right? If we go out and you do things like hold my hand...” You bet it won't take half an hour for his name to be on the headlines again, and the news channels will talk about it. The world will know about your existence, and every girl who has her eyes on Bruce will know they lost their chance. “You'll have to keep a distance.”

“(Y/N), we're dating. I won't keep that a secret so yes, people will have to find out eventually.” He places a soft kiss on your nose before his lips connect to yours.

“Uhm... We're still here...” Barry mutters, reminding you of the public.

Weird how it only took half a second for you to forget you have company. “So... Now that I know why you guys are still around, help me find something to major in.”

“Let's see what you have here.” Diana starts, and everyone takes a piece of paper or two. “Doctor?”

“Nope. That was just a joke.” Bending over the table a little, you take the paper from her hand. “Moving on.”

“Nurse," Arthur says.

“Vet.” Clark reads.

“All jokes.” Wanting something isn't enough, you have to feel like you can do it. And you don't think you can.

“If you become a nurse you could patch him up.” Arthur gestures at Bruce who nods.

“Sweetheart if this is what you want you just need to say and I'll help you.”

“Me? A nurse? No way, it's too much for me. I need something easier.” You're not saying you're stupid, but why put effort into something on which you'll probably fail? No need to hurt your feelings.

“So you don't think you're smart enough?” Clark asks and you nod.

“If you weren't smart you wouldn't have survived this long as a criminal. And wouldn't have escaped the prison twice. Or fooled the Joker so many times.” Bruce says, and you tilt your head to the side a little, thinking. It did take some brain to do this stuff, calculations, memorization, and some random knowledge.

“It looks like this is what you want,” Arthur mumbles, elbows on the coffee table.

Nurses help people, and that's the exact opposite of what you did. You never really enjoyed hurting people though, at least not normal civilians.

“Yeah... I've been thinking about being a practitioner nurse.”

“You've been doing some research on the subject then.” Wonder Woman raises an eyebrow.

“Yes. They can diagnose diseases, initiate treatments, and prescribe medications. They're more independent.” Shrugging your shoulders, you lean closer to Bruce. “But I don't know. Maybe we should keep looking into the other options.” Pretending you're not insecure is useless. Building a life is both exciting and terrifying.

“No. I guess we found what you want to do.” Bruce says and kisses your cheek. You bite back a smile, but it escapes anyway. “Anything as long as you're happy.”

“I can die in peace now,” Arthur says, and everyone turns their heads to look at him. He simply gestures at you and Bruce as if it would explain everything. “I lived enough to see Batman being soft with someone. The rest of my life will be dull.”

It took long enough for the funny comments to start. “Let the man be, Arthur. Everyone softens when they find love.” Diana adds.

“Aren't you a little too young to be dating Bruce actually?” Barry asks, shrugging his shoulders. “Just-just saying.”

“I haven't really thought about that,” you say.

“I have,” Bruce admits.

“Obviously. In this relationship you're the morals part.” You start gathering the sheets of paper, making a small pile. “I'm the impulse part.”

“Impulse part?”

“I did kiss you out of impulse. I was trying to control myself for quite a while but the thought of another suicide mission finally made me give in.” Looking at him, you smirk. “What would you do if I didn't kiss you before the mission? Were you planning to tell me about your feelings?”

“Shouldn't we discuss that in private?” He raises an eyebrow, and you give the guys a glance before looking back at Bruce.

“We don't mind. Go on.” Barry mutters, getting an annoyed stare from Diana.

“Let's give them some time." She says before getting up. The others soon follow, but Barry is the last.

“The fast one seems very curious about Batman's love life,” you say in a sassy tone when you're left alone.

“He turned the mission in Washington a nightmare the moment I mentioned you.” Bruce moves closer, caressing your cheek.

“And how was that?”

“I told them we had to make it as quick as possible because I had someone to go back to.” He places a soft kiss on your lips and you can't help but smile. You can't believe that someone was you. “Then he just wouldn't let it go. And yes, I was planning on telling you how I felt.”

“What would you do if the feeling wasn't mutual?” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you move to sit on his lap.

“I was pretty sure you felt something for me.”

“Really? I was trying so hard to hide it.”

“Miss Quinzel. Master Bruce. Dinner is served.” Alfred announces and you're just about to stand up when Bruce lifts you up with him.

“Because that will make Barry stop sassing at you,” you tell him, not even bothering to ask him to put you down. He can carry you all the way he wants. It feels funny though, and good to float like this. But the best part is how close your faces are, so you take the chance to kiss him as he takes you to the dining room.

Dinner goes on very well. The chattering is constant, and you manage to get into the conversations. You do feel like you're getting along with the League. Maybe you'll do well with other people too. If you can deal with the supers, you can deal with regular humans. It gives you hope, makes you a little more excited to go out. For dessert, you have brownies, one of your favorites, with vanilla ice cream.

“(Y/N), you said something about a suicide mission?” Barry asks after Diana gives you more details about the Washington mission. “What was that about?”

“Yeah... It was a terrorist attack in New Mexico. They mounted a base there but we never knew their plans.”

“They send you in a mission completely in the dark?” Diana furrows her eyebrows.

“We're the Suicide Squad. Well, that's what we call ourselves. The official name is Task Force X.” You move in the chair a little, but you notice you're not as uncomfortable as you were before talking about it. Bruce says you have to accept who you were in order to be free to restart. Trying to ignore it will only allow the past to haunt you. “When the soldiers can't deal with it but it's still not bad enough to call the heroes, they send us. The whole point is that it doesn't matter if we die in the process. The order is to finish the mission. We're... Spendable.”

“I never heard of anything like that,” Clark says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Nobody is supposed to know. But it doesn't matter anymore. The mission was a success and I'd be fine with it if the guards didn't beat me up on my way back here.” You say it without really noticing what it means, but by the way they exchange glances with each other, there are questions in their heads. “Some of them knew me from Belle Reve. So they knew I was going back somewhere they wouldn't be able to punish me for my crimes. They said it was a taste from home.”

“Everyone who was in that van was fired.” Bruce's voice is heavy with anger. “And I doubt they'll get any other job in Gotham.”

“If you're in prison to pay for your crimes, why did they beat you? Isn't the confinement the punishment?” Barry raises his eyebrows, and Arthur nods.

“Uhm... Yes. In any other prison, yes. But Belle Reve is different. It's like we're not on Earth anymore they... They can do pretty much anything they want. Every man and woman who acts as our guards are military or ex-military. Soldiers... And they have so much hate for us.” The memories come back in flashes of lightning, flooding your mind. The pain is still a vivid dream, the darkness is still terrorizing. “I can only speak for myself but I'm sure almost everyone who gets there tries to fight, to run away. I did. And maybe... Maybe I deserved it, maybe what they did was right.”

“(Y/N), don't you think for a second that you deserved what they did to you. Just because someone is a criminal doesn't give them the reason to treat you like an animal.” Bruce takes your hand over the table, and you smile to feel his fingers brushing against the soft skin of the back on your hand.

“They don't treat animals like they treat us.” The acknowledgment is dark and heavy, and you feel as the atmosphere gets tense. The League seems uncomfortable, perplexed.

“What the hell happens in that place?” Diana is the first to speak up after several seconds of deep silence.

“I can only tell what happened to me. By the rumors, it depends on who we are. Killercroc, for example, is left alone in a hole on the ground. Me... I always fought back.” Taking a deep breath, you revisit the endless days you spent in hell. The longest year of your life. The terror was usually suffocated by anger, burning rage, but it was always there, creeping through the walls. “I was kept in the dark. The only light source came from the small gap under the door. It had a blueish glow. My cell was open three times a day, at 10 a.m., 04 p.m., and 08 p.m. The two first were to feed me. They put a straw through my nose all the way down to my throat and fed me with some kind yogurt.” You cringe at the memory, a shiver rolling down your spine. “The last one was the shower. If you can call that a shower... They made me take my clothes off and back up into a concrete wall and blast me with water from a hose. If the weather was hot, the water was ice cold... If it was cold, the water was so hot that it burned my skin.” As you speak, Bruce moves his chair closer to you, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“You don't have to tell us anything if it makes you feel uncomfortable,” Clark says in a low voice.

“No, it's ok... It's good to say it. To... Let it out.” Holding it inside has only screwed you up over and over again. Dealing with it alone has isolated you. And you don't want to be alone anymore. “Before or after the shower was usually when the beat me. Men, women... They didn't really mind if they were a 6ft tall man kicking me. The drugs, the... Several different kids of drugs they gave me numbed the pain, but it was worse, at least to me.” The tears are rolling down now, as you're looking at the table, holding Bruce's hand as if he's your anchor. “I knew my body was being broken, sliced, bones being fractured but I only felt the impact. It's a psychological torture they play alongside the physical one. They liked to know that I was feeling my body being hurt, but I could never feel it... The drugs never wore off, so they never treated to my wounds. I was always left there, in my cell, as the blood dried, as the darkness threatened to suffocate me but I always told myself I was Havoc. I was freaking Havoc and I did not only deserve that, but I also could deal with it. That I was used to the pain...”

“Alright, that's enough.” Bruce raises his voice, and you notice you were yelling. He pulls you close and you hide your face in the crook of his neck.

“I speak for everyone here when I say we're very sorry for everything you've been through,” Diana says, and you feel a hand on your shoulder. When you look up, you see that not only her but all the others are standing around you and Bruce. “And I'm sorry I brought up such terrible memories.”

“Thank you.” Your voice sounds terribly weak, and Bruce dries off some of the tears with his thumb. When you get up, Diana holds both your hands on hers.

“I want you to know that you have me now. To talk, to ask for help, anything.” Your eyes quickly fly through the others when they nod.

“More than Bruce's friend, you're our friend now,” Arthur says.

“So now you not only have friends but superfriends.” Barry steps ahead and pulls you into a hug. You're surprised at the sudden affection, but it feels nice. The others join you soon, and you're in the middle of a group hug.

Not for a single moment in your life you thought you'd ever had anything like this. “Guys, you know you don't have to do this,” you mutter because you can't help but think you don't deserve it, that you're not the victim. Guess you still have a lot to work on, and Bruce is right to still give you some therapy sessions.

“Of course we do. You're an incredible woman who overcame so much. And you truly seem to want to leave the past behind.”

“Clark's right. You're the proof that villains aren't too far beyond repair.” Arthur says with a smile.

“Thanks again.” You're blushing a little because you think they see you as more than what you are now. But it's good to know they believe you.

An hour later, you're on Bruce's bedroom, getting ready to sleep. You're reading about Gotham's University as Bruce brushes his teeth, getting a little confused by how complicated it seems to be accepted there.

“Bruce, all these papers... I don't know if I have them.” You complain, suddenly losing hope.

“I'll deal with them, don't worry.” He comes to the bed, sitting beside you and resting his back against the pillowy headrest. “Worry about studying.”

“And about the fact I'll be surrounded by people all the time.” You sigh, putting the tablet on the nightstand. “It's still confusing, you know. Terrifying sometimes.” You're used to making people fear you, and when that's not possible, they just hate you. Hurt you. You're not sure how you'd manage to stay in between. To be normal.

“The classes only start next semester, so you'll have some months to get used to people.” Bruce pulls you to lie down, and you lay your head on his chest. “Tomorrow we're going out.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. We'll walk around, buy you some new clothes, eat at a nice restaurant...” He caresses your hair, making it hard to keep your eyes open. “I'll be right there with you, so no need to get anxious.”

“Okay...” Noticing you're a little thirsty, you roll your eyes as you get up. “I need water. Do you want some?”

“No, thanks.”

“I'll be right back.” Crawling out of the bed, you make your way downstairs, straight to the kitchen. You hear low voices, so you walk slower, making sure you won't interrupt anything. When you get there, you see it's Diana and Barry, who's eating your ice cream. “Hey, guys,” you announce yourself.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Diana says as Barry waves with the spoon.

“You know this ice cream is mine, right?” Raising an eyebrow, you try to look mad. It apparently works because he gives an apologetic look and lowers the spoon.

“Sorry.” He mutters as you walk around the island, getting a spoon for yourself, sitting beside him and starting to eat too.

“Relax. It seems that I have to share now.” You keep the sarcastic tone, but Barry still doesn't seem to understand. “I'm joking. You can eat it, it's just ice cream.” You smile when he starts eating again. “Don't you want some, Diana?”

“No, thank you.” She raises the mug she's holding. “I usually just drink some tea before going to sleep.”

“Yeah. I just eat. I need a lot of calories.” Barry says with his mouth full of ice cream. “What about you?”

“Actually I just came to get some water. Bruce is waiting for me upstairs.” You forgot about the water, but now you feel thirsty again, so you get a glass and head to the fridge.

“You guys sleep together?” He asks.

“Barry.” Diana reprimands him, and that makes you giggle a little.

“We share the bed.” Shrugging your shoulders, you speak as you pour some cold water on the glass, closing the fridge and making your way back to where you were seated. “I have... Nightmares. They were more often before, but they still come. But when I'm with Bruce it's just... It's better.” You feel safe, secure, but you're too shy to tell them that. It's too much that you're telling about the nightmares, but it's a good sign that you're able to open up, even if it's just a little bit.

“You love Bruce, don't you?” Diana asks in a low voice.

Looking down at your half-full glass of water, you nod. Love isn't the word you use to express your feelings for Bruce, but that's just because you're way too scared to let those three words flow out. ‘I love you.’ You've been biting your tongue for quite a while now. Those words hold power, you know it, and you're scared that he doesn't feel the same way. “Don't tell him,” you beg, looking up at Diana.

“Why?” As she asks, Barry takes the ice cream and gets up, leaving the kitchen.

“Girl talk.” He mumbles on his way out. And yes, you feel a little more comfortable knowing it's just Diana.

“Because maybe it's too soon and... If he doesn't feel the same I'm afraid it'll push him away.” Your feelings for Bruce only grow, and even though being in love with someone is something new, you know how things should play out. Or you think you do. The fact that he's Batman and you're Havoc, a villain he tried to catch before, only makes everything worse.

“I know Bruce. He would never officialize a relationship if he wasn't one hundred and ten percent sure of his feelings.” She moves from her place at the table to seat across from you on the island. “And I understand that what you did before may get in the way but it only makes me even more sure about his feelings towards you. So yes, I think he loves you and there's no reason for you to be so scared.”

Taking a deep breath, you try to accept that. “How could he love me?” You inquire in a low voice because you can't help but go back, to remember who you were and what you did. You do regret it, and you do want different things now, to have a whole new life. But... Sometimes the fear of losing Bruce hits hard, and you start going back to your shell.

“Why don't you let me answer that?” His voice makes you jump, and you stand up abruptly. Your heart beats so fast that you can hear it on your ears, like drums.

“I'll get some sleep. Good night, (Y/N). Bruce.” Diana stands up and leaves the kitchen, as you stand there, looking at Bruce.

“You weren't supposed to hear any of that,” you mumble.

“But I'm glad I did. Let's head upstairs. We need to talk.” Nodding, you start following Bruce. “I need to make things clear with you, sweetheart.”

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