Tumgik
#and i was just an itty bitty kid! dipping my toes in the water!! see if it was warm!!
growing up is just being embarrassed of your younger selves again and again until you aren't <3
#aw man i was so ashamed of the things i wrote when i was younger. like i grew a little older and put them under anon on ao3#but now i just#that was just a kid exploring writing yk? and i see so much of my world back then reflected in it. the little ways i tried to#heal and process and make myself happy with the writing. even when i didnt realise it at that time.#i gave myself cringe neurodivergent rep in a normal school and a safe family and explored queerness and stimming i.#and i was just an itty bitty kid! dipping my toes in the water!! see if it was warm!!#and i know it was so hard to sift through myself in an unsafe place like that but i still tried. i was such a good kid and so brave.#and i did it so well too. i just... im so sorry for my slightly older versions hating the previous ones.#it's literally a kid how could you hate someone like that? i was fundamentally good. i wish i could go back and tell myself that.#with like the certainty i have now. i spent so much time thinking i wasn't a good person for the things i didnt do.#i wonder if future me thinks of me similarly. probably. like objectively.#ignore my occasional ramblings mutuals this is practically the only place i feel safe enough to like talk through things. like a diary.#anyway i think my imaginary therapist would be proud of me tonight#reading through comments of the things i wrote when i was thirteen and i dont hate it anymore and im finally like.#starting to accept those compliments at face value and not convince myself the readers don't know it but im actually terrible#ahh this is a really great feeling peeps.#5/5 will recommend
6 notes · View notes
geournies · 5 years
Text
GEOURNIES VOL. 1: Getting the Boot. (Ft. Intellia Kaelita)
CW: VERY GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, DOMESTIC ABUSE, DRUGS.
The clinking of glasses and chatter of patrons was much louder than usual at Dionysus' today. It was the middle of the month, which meant it was payday for the enigmatic Intellia Kaelita. And, that meant everyone at her favorite bar was getting free drinks, her treat.
"Damn girl, it must really pay to be such a fancy shmancy fashion designer, huh?" Spoke a young, tan-skinned woman to the sugar momma of everyone in the establishment.
"You could say that!" She drunkenly quipped, ferociously licking her chapped lips for any remaining liquor.
"Money does nothing for me anyways~ It's better put to use making everyone else happy instead of using it for empty self-fulfillment. You ain't complaining though, huh? I'm an emotional college kid's dream come true, aren't I, Ravennnn~?" She snarked, jabbing Raven's side softly with her boney elbow.
"Huh? Huh?" She repeated annoyingly while continuing to nudge the other in the side, the force increasing with each one. The one called Raven did not respond, deliberately choosing to ignore her agitator and instead sipped on her drink, a smile cracking upon her lips which were desperately trying to stay straight.
"Ignoring me while drinking on my dime?! Oh, you're so cruel! You know I'll die without friendship, and yet here you are depriving me of it as we speak! I can't take it!" Said the fashionista not even a bit sarcastically, latching onto her friend while she pretended to ugly sob. Raven cackled, following it up with a roll of the eyes
"You just can't be normal for one minute, can you? I swear, you're way more of a kid than me, despite being a grown ass woman. When are you gonna grow up and start acting 24 instead of 17, you weirdo?"
The hammed-up sobbing came to an end, Intellia wiping her crocodile tears away with rotating fists. Her fake frown was eclipsed by her infamous, uncannily wide smile, and she grabbed Raven's drink from the bar and downed the remaining half of her large glass in a single large gulp. Slamming it down with enough force to shatter the glass into itty-bitty pieces sent scattering across the counter, she turned to face Raven, Intellia being greeted by a dropped jaw. Knuckles proudly pressed into her hips, the high roller let out a satisfied AH~.
"As soooooooon as the Underworld freezes over, but the only thing chilly enough to do that would be your still b-beating heart, ya monsterrrr. So I guess that'll have to wait, huh?"
She stuck her blue tongue out at the one whose drink she just savaged, a condescending hum rumbling out of her throat at the same time. Intellia swiveled in her chair to face away from the bar and got to her feet, albeit clumsily.
"Excuse me, bartender! Please get my heartbroken little friend here another gin and tonic! Before she cries, hurry!"
And with that, she drunkenly poked the nose of her college-aged friend, then proceeded to bob and weave around tables and people in an attempt to go outside to satisfy her nicotine kick.
The cyberpunk stumbled her way to the front of the bar, fishing for an unlit cigarette as well as the lighter in her jacket pockets. She raised her leg to the rightmost double door and kicked it open. Once outside, she quickly took the cig and the lighter to her curled lips, flicking it a couple times before actually getting a working flame. Fashionista inhaled the carcinogens in, then letting it roost a bit within her lungs before puffing the smoke back out, a satisfied sigh following suit.
"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth~ That is this world's ultimate truuu-th!"" She sung loudly, a particular pair of lyrics she adored originating from her favorite synth-pop duo, Radiumt. She twirled about in glee, dancing to the tune of her favorite song blaring in her head. Another drag. Puff. As she continued to fuck about like a child, repeating those lyrics over and over like a jovial drone, a large HONK lit up her eardums like a flamethrower taken to jet fuel. Her body was shot catapulting a foot or two into the air, a shrill screech squeaking from her ashen lungs. After her successful landing from the expedition she was sent on, she rotated her head over the back of her shoulder, stiff like a zombie. The windows were tinted, but that had little effect on her Advanced Vision Apparatus (APA). She could see in there like a seer could see the future, but the vision within was no good fortune. The muffled screams were now registering with her bogged up brain, along with the car itself shaking about like a wild animal was let loose within. Intellia's demeanor immediately shifted. The sneer morphed into one of disgust rather than annoyance. Her body stiffened up like a predator ready to pounce. Intellia briskly strode towards the vehicle, nails sharply dug into her fleshy palms.
Wasting no time, Intellia pulled up at the window and immediately pulled her right elbow back, her hip swiveling along with her. SMASH. A sharp jab at the window, glass exploded like shrapnel. Shards propelled into the driver seat, a jolt shot up the spines of the two passengers. Irises of the driver shook, he pulled his bulky biceps down from his face, the metal of his robotic forearms reflecting red from Intellia's visor. He barked at the window smasher, his gruff voice was as low as the ground.
"You dumb bitch! I don't even have insurance to pay for this! I'm gonna drag your barely breathing body to the ATM to pay for this window!"
She ignored his comment. She chose to speak with action. Her arms latched onto his shoulders, and with a pull of her upper body she ripped the beefy other from his seat in a single motion. His bulky bod caught some air time before it landed to the ground. THUD. CRUNCH. A shrap yelp of pain exited his diaphragm, with the only noise following being the clank of steel toed boots. They rung in the ears of the downed one, and soon he felt them being pressed to his temple.
Pressure. Pressure. Oh God the pressure.  His skull was cracking between pleas for for sweet mercy, the deliverer of the boot ignoring each plea. His airtight fist pounded on the floor, he was now at a full blown scream. He wriggled like a worm. His tree-trunk limbs flailed about, all whilst his judge looked down upon him with no emotion.
"Doesn't feel too good to be at the mercy of someone stronger than ya, huh? Thought I'd just see what you and pretend to look the other way? You wish, TRASH."
She hopped off his cranium, a final crunch sounding off. He wheezed in relief, his gaze locked onto the golden boots which nearly squeezed the life out of him. They turned to face him, the sight of the steel strip at the toe burning into his retinas. The right one cocked back, the other planted itself firmly into the ground. SWING. Much like the glass window before, the mixture of blood, teeth, and nerve ending shrapnel launched right into the man's throat. The noise he made was not even reminiscent of a human. It was eldritch. A gurgle from hell. His brain short circuited, his body launched into a clueless, horrified, bloody panic. Intellia walked away, only to turn around mid-stride in order to shoot a ball of spit directly into the newly dug hole in the man's face.
"Live like filth, die in filth."
Hissed Intellia at the squirming body of the man, her attention and presence once more shifting itself back at the driver side window. She peaked inside, her heart spiking in her chest at the sight within. Hers was greeted by the bloodied gaze of another male, much lighter in stature than the one he was with. Well, it was as close to as meeting as possible, as his swollen, black, teary eyes looked in the direction of Intellia. He sobbed tiredly, the carnage having just occurred not even registering with his brain. Intellia snappily opened the car door, sliding in and placing her hands delicately on the other's cheeks.
"Fuck. Hey, you! Are ya alright?"  
No response. She gently papped her hands on his blood caked cheeks to alert him, no response. His neck began to go limp and his head dipped in her hands. Intellia's heart pounded. Sticking her blue tongue out, she swiftly reached for and withdrew a tube in the pockets of her coat. Thumb pressed down on the button at the side, and a needle shot out of the tip of the tube. She gracefully jabbed it into the side of his neck, and released the button, the serume within ejecting into his vein. Instantly, the one fighting for his life had lurched forward, as if he just resurfaced from water at the brink of drowning. His breathing was heavy and rapid, he looked at Intellia, still too shocked to speak. Until he noticed the device she just ripped out of him, its contents fully empty now. His eyes widened about as wide as they could, his jaw dropped.
"You had one of those? And... I made you use it on me? Oh my God, I'm so sorry..."
He remarked, placing his beaten face in the palms of his hand.
"Please. Don't be sorry. Your life now is waaaaaay more important than the chance of me maaaaaybe needin' one of these sometime in the future. Trust me." She spoke softly, something she rarely did. She tossed the tube out the window, directly sinking it into a garbage can located by the carcass of the bulky man. "I'm 'onna take you somewhere where they'll get ya back to being better than ever in no time, 'kay? Just hang tight, you've been through a lotta shit tonight. Plus, the more active ya are, the quicker that good juice wears off."
Intellia pressed a button on the side of the steering wheel, which prompted a black touch screen to erupt from a cache in the center of the wheel. The beaten passenger pressed his hand to the screen, a green line scanning it, then promptly flashing an approving, green hue after. The engine revved, followed by the car pulling out of the lot. She turned to the stranger next to her once more before takeoff, her arm on the headrest of the passenger seat as she looked backwards while pulling out.
"Oh yeah... Forget about him, by the way. He 'aint really a thing anymore."
And to Double Helix HQ they headed.
END.
1 note · View note