#and i’m having to hide the kitchen knives because i know what happened last time

[harrywavycurly]

How about some super protective Eddie conversations?👀😏

Hiii babes!! So idk why my mind went to like the “be careful!” Type of overprotective but the 😏 emoji makes me think you want some other type of protective 😂 so naturally I gave you a mix!! Enjoy my love!!💖

*Eddie doesn’t like it when you’re around people he doesn’t know…and also he doesn’t like it when you use knives*

“Baby where are you?” “I am…at the…what’s it called? The hideaway? The hide a hole?…that’s not right…” “the hideout?” “Yes! You’ve heard of it?” “Yeah baby we’ve been there a few times…who’s there with you?” “Uh well…I came by myself because Robin was supposed to meet me here but…hi…no thanks I’m good…yup really…uh huh…nice…nope I’m good..really… thanks tho…” “who the fuck is that talking to you?” “No clue…Uhm but yeah…Robin isn’t here so I’m just here alone.” “I’m coming to get you. Don’t move.” “You know where I’m at?” “Jesus…yes baby I know where you’re at so just sit at the bar and don’t move and don’t talk to anyone.” “So bossy…oh hi again…yes I promise I’m fine…nope just…yeah my boyfriend is coming to get me…uh huh…yeah he’s on his way…my number? Yeah no…not happening…Eddie? Sorry what were you saying?” “Do not talk to anyone else okay? I’m almost there.” “Ignoring people is rude Edward.” “I don’t give a shit if it’s rude don’t talk to anyone else.” “Fine I’ll see you when you get here.” “Don’t hang up princess I want to make sure you’re okay until I get there.” “Okay…oh did I tell you I was supposed to meet Robin at the hideaway and she just never showed.” “Nope you didn’t tell me that baby…”

“I can do it myself Eddie.” “Remember what happened last time? You cut your finger and needed stitches so yeah…no more knives for you baby.” “That was a steak knife…this is a butter knife…” “what’s your point? With you a butter knife is just as deadly as a steak knife.” “You’re so annoying.” “Better to be safe than have you crying and bleeding all over the kitchen…again.” “Fine but can you at least put butter on both pieces of toast? That one…looks a little sad and butter-less.” “Sure baby…want jam on both or just one?” “Both please.”

“What did he say?” “Nothing Eddie it’s fine.” “It’s not fine if you’re upset baby now…what did he say?” “He just called me a bitch but it’s fine…happens all the time.” “You need a new job sweetheart…was it the dude over there by the pool tables?” “We’ve talked about this and the pay is too good for me to leave right now. Is what dude the one by the pool tables?” “The one who called you a bitch.” “Eddie…” “what? It’s just a question.” “I can’t have any issues tonight.” “There won’t be any issue princess…promise.” “You always say that right before you go and cause trouble.” “Me? Cause trouble? Never.” “I swear Eddie I just want to finish my shift and then go home and cuddle while watching a shitty movie in bed.” “You don’t have to worry baby I’m gonna go have a smoke okay?” “Okay…Eddie…that’s not the way…to the patio…oh fuck…”

“Absolutely not.” “Why?” “Why? Because it’s an accident waiting to happen.” “Max is going to teach me the basics she said once I get the balance thing down skateboarding isn’t that hard…” “yeah…no.” “Come on Eddie it looks so fun and cool.” “I can just picture you falling and breaking a wrist or an ankle and I’d rather just avoid all that.” “What if I wear like knee pads and those elbow pad things?” “Baby…” “and a helmet? And you can watch me to make sure I’m safe.” “Fine…but if you get hurt then no more skateboarding you understand?” “Got it.”

[foxymoxynoona]

Tell Me What Changed Pt. 8

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below

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“Hey Hobi, can you grab my hair?” Alex called, arm deep in ground beef and spices she was hand folding. She hadn’t thought about her hair when she started but it kept swinging down in front of her face and it was long enough now to land in the bowl. Maybe it was time for a haircut… but she’d never been good at styling hair and the shorter it was, the more she felt like she needed to do things with it. 

In seconds Hoseok was behind her, a ponytail holder from her purse stretched around his fingers. The gentle way he dragged her hair back, sliding his fingers through it to get the last strands, gave her goosebumps in spite of the gross wet feel of fatty meat caked between her fingers. Very disorienting combination. 

He twisted it one too few times so it was loose and low on her back but at least it was out of the beef.  

“It looks… it smells good,” he corrected himself. She grinned at his eagerness to praise and support her. She had admitted it was daunting to cook for them with Seokjin’s culinary skill on display so often. But Alex had wanted to cook for Hoseok for a while and finally had the time and energy to buy the things she needed.

“What is it?” Seokjin asked, leaning against the counter. 

“It’s meatballs,” Milena insisted, to which Seokjin gave an incredulous look until Alex confirmed, “We’re doing American and Chinese fusion tonight…”

“It’s really meatballs?” Hoseok asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“They’re fancy meatballs,” Alex defended. 

“I didn’t mean anything bad! Are they Chinese meatballs?”

“I don’t know,” Alex sulked. “Not really… but usually zha jiang mian has pork or beef in it but you said Ren and Samantha don’t eat meat so I left the pork out of the sauce and the rest of us can add them meatballs–”

Hoseok laughed and touched her hips, “Alex, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure it will be great.”

“It will be great,” she said, but stopped herself before adding Jungkook loves my meatballs!

A cold chill slid across her shoulders but she ignored it and leaned into Hoseok’s warm hands with a hip wiggle before chasing him away so she could continue. Seokjin hovered a bit longer, until she yelled that he was making her nervous, and he laughed and yelled back that she better not poison them, and Hoseok yelled at Seokjin for insulting her, and they went off to set the table. 

Even with pressure to cook well, Alex felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. Not that everything was perfect and easy. Living at home again was taking some transitioning. Her whole daily routine and social life felt like it had been tossed into a salad shaker. And also she missed her best friend like fuck. 

But she didn’t feel like she was juggling knives. She didn’t walk on eggshells around anyone or feel like she was hiding things or keeping secrets. Her fears that Hoseok would have enough and dumb her for the drama subsided. She didn’t have to worry herself sick trying to figure out what to do because hey, the arm was gone! Just the whole damn arm! She had to learn to live without the arm but people did that all the time! She couldn’t slam her fingers in the kitchen drawer now or something something.

Things were simpler and easier and she took that to be a sign she had done the right thing. Probably living at home was going to drive her crazy before too long, even though she loved her parents, but if all went well, maybe in a year or two she’d be moving in with Hoseok anyway! Oh god. Or if that was too soon, maybe she could jump into a roommate space with Rebekah or Minxi if that freed up. Or if she got too miserable she’d just look for a new roommate on craigslist or whatever. She had options. Tomorrow was a new day. The sky was her oyster or something like that.

Yes, this was the right thing to do. She hummed along to music Milena put on in the living room even though she wasn’t familiar with it and focused on cooking so she wouldn’t accidentally burn it. The meatballs were easy but the zha jiang mian was easy to fuck up if she forgot to pay attention and burned the sauce. One time she and Jungkook had smoked themselves out of the kitchen trying to get it just right– ok, maybe that actually got distracted by videos on his phone– 

She hummed louder, and cleared her mind of anything that wasn’t cooking, and smiled at the easy laughter of her friends and the overly loud joke told by her boyfriend that set them off. The doorbell rang, their last two vegetarian guests arriving, and Hoseok went running to answer it like an overexcited puppy. She thought Hoseok was happier too. It was a sad turn of events but everything would be better in the long run, that was the truth. 

*

“Ah those were some damn good meatballs,” Hoseok said once the food had been eaten, dishes cleared away, leftovers stored, and Tate, Milena, Ren, and Samantha had said their farewells. Seokjin was already holed up in his room, the noise of him mumbling to himself as he played his game audible if you lingered near his door, which Alex did not ever, being well acquainted with other noises one might accidentally overhear doing so.

Hoseok and Alex weren’t there for long though. He sexily threw the dishtowel over his shoulder and Alex’s grin must have revealed the appeal because he laughed and gestured her closer.

“Thank you for cooking,” he said, sliding his arms over her shoulders. “It’s cool to show off my girlfriend.”

“Yeah? I’m glad it turned out well.”

He kissed her forehead, which was sweet. Then he hunched further and she leaned up so he could kiss her for real. That easy warm feeling wrapped around her. The fact that kissing Hoseok was normal to her now was in itself still remarkable. She felt like they’d really gone through something together, even if the stress and suffering had been primarily hers, and the fact everything was still so good soothed her soul. She saw so many stories about toxic or messy relationships, it was like the basis of every romantic movie, but her relationship with Hoseok was just easy once she’d cut off the arm that was Jungkook! Was it supposed to be this easy? Was she just really lucky?! That seemed unlikely and yet the proof was there.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked her, arms comfortably wrapped around. Hoseok’s hugs were just something else, they’d made a hugger out of her when she never thought of herself as one before. Being hugged by Hoseok recharged your batteries straight to full.  

She wasn’t about to tell him the embarrassing truth: I’m thinking about how the future with you looks so peaceful and steady. A calm, flat horizon with blue skies. Surely something would go wrong at some point but she had a hard time picturing what. Couldn’t they be supportive and kind and just always be ok? Short of one of them doing something wildly out of character, was this it now? Were they just going to be happy forever? Someday they’d move in together and get married and have a baby or something? Or maybe just adopt dogs. But they both had jobs that were good and liked living in this area so probably no major moves. Could life really be as easy as that? No, right?

“Alex,” he murmured, rustling her hair. “You’re quiet. Are you ok?”

“Just digesting,” she assured him. “And thinking about how nice this is.”

“Yeah. It is nice. Oh, I meant to tell you– you know I started going by my old dance school?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I signed up to start taking a few classes again. I miss dancing and I figured why wait? I’m only getting older.”

She pulled away and beamed, “Yeah, you should! I want to watch you dance!”

“Ok, good, I want you there. There’s usually a showcase later in the fall… ah, I’m rusty but I’ll get it back.”

“Yeah! Oh my god, yeah, I can’t wait to see you!”

“Ok ok,” he grinned. “Good then. That’s nice.”

“Yes, that’s nice,” she giggled, and pressed her face back to his chest. 

“You know what would be nicer?” he asked after another minute of swaying.

“Um… what?”

“If we got naked,” he whispered. “You, me, my freshly made bed? The meatballs were really good and they gave me a lot of energy. Do you think…”

“Do I think what?”

“Do you want to? We don’t have to if you don’t feel like it–”

“Why wouldn’t I feel like it? Yeah, let’s go! Let me run to the restroom first but…”

“Ok, I don’t want to pressure you though. I know it’s been a few weeks and you haven’t been feeling well…”

Alex paused at the edge of the kitchen, only now realizing he was right. It had been a few weeks since they’d had sex. Their sex life was steady and stable so she didn’t exactly track how often they did the deed, but she happened to know that he was right, they hadn’t had sex since right after she’d moved out of her apartment. She’d been desperate for sex but afterwards wound up feeling like she’d over-exherted herself and had been too distracted to be any real good for Hoseok, though he hadn’t said that. She hadn’t avoided sex on purpose since but it just hadn’t happened again...

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize that– but you’re right! I swear I’m not avoiding sex or anything, I guess I just wasn’t feeling great for a little bit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said, it’s fine! That happens. You don’t have to apologize,” he insisted, running his hands up to cradle her face. “If you still don’t feel like it–”

“No, I do. Let’s get back in the sack, let’s go,” she assured him. She didn’t know how to explain to him that without understanding it, she’d felt like she was waiting for something… But what? Waiting for something to point out she wanted to and ought to have sex with her boyfriend? Waiting for permission to be normal? It made no sense. She didn’t know anything yet about the ebb and flow of sex in a relationship, just that things were good and she wanted to feel good in that department too. 

Fortunately, it was easy to get right back into rhythm together. Alex finished with a happy, satisfied sigh after just the right amount of time fucking, and curled up comfortably, blankets clutched to her chest as she admired Hoseok’s body stretched beside her, unabashedly naked. 

“Good?” she asked with a wide grin to show her own answer.

Hoseok matched hers, “Yeah, good. Very good. Always good. Are you staying the night?”

“Uh… I want to but…” She grabbed her phone, which had buzzed right in the middle. She’d had a suspicion that proved to be true: her mom wanted to know when she’d be home. “Well this is going to be annoying…”

“What is?”

“Talking to my mom about the fact I spend the night at my boyfriend’s house sometimes…”

“Oh.” He grimaced. “I didn’t think about that. Is that going to be a problem?”

“It better not be. I’m a grown up!”

“Yeah and you used to live with a guy,” Hoseok pointed out.

“Sure but I wasn’t having sex with him,” she giggled right over the shock that Hoseok would casually mention that sore spot right now. “I’d better go home tonight so I can clarify boundaries before it’s a fight… besides, you work tomorrow don’t you?”

“Not until eight.”

“I don’t want to wake up alone in your bed,” she playfully pouted.

“Yeah it would be hard to leave you alone and naked in my bed,” he agreed, reaching down to kiss her shoulder. 

She let out a deep sigh. 

“Ok, here I go.”

It still took her fifteen minutes to pull herself from the warmth of his bed, and pee, and dress. She dreaded this talk with her parents even though it had to happen. She couldn’t never spend the night with her boyfriend again just because she was living at home. She was twenty-six now!

Shuffling to her car in the chilly September air to go back to her childhood bedroom after great sex felt all kinds of wrong, but she was happy despite that. This inconvenience would only be temporary. The future had never looked happier and calmer than when she was around Hoseok. She felt more confident in herself, like she was really growing up, making major decisions in her own self-interest, facing any troubles head on, doing what was best. Now, since she didn’t pay rent, she could even build up a savings account! So mature! So adult! 

When she left though, and sat in her car, and drove home, that feeling of temporary crept back up. That sense she was waiting for something nudged her in the spine again. Waiting for what? This was it! This was her new normal! She thought maybe her brain was still adjusting to that truth, that being away from her apartment and Jungkook was not just a temporary state but a permanent one. That the arm was really gone, not just asleep. 

There might be a shock when that finally set in. But ok. She’d get through that too. Alex 2.0 was on top of her shit and ready to face the world with Hoseok by her side! 

Too bad he couldn’t be by her side as she explained to her parents she was twenty-six and sometimes wanted to sleep overnight with her boyfriend after they fucked. Obviously in very very different words than that…

Jungkook craned his neck to watch for the first step as he carried his last box of shit up to the second bedroom in Namjoon’s house. The movers had hauled his stuff over yesterday but since he’d rolled to a monthly lease that went to the end of the month, he still had a week to get the last of his things out. Not that he was dragging his feet or anything because he’d already spent too long alone in that crappy empty apartment. He’d hand-carried the last of his things today. He would schedule the final walkthrough and turn over the key next week. Moving was a pain in the dick, that was all. 

He chucked the last box into the pile against the wall, patted Doggo’s head, and then went downstairs where Namjoon stood at the kitchen counter waiting.

“Ok, here’s your key and your garage door opener,” Namjoon said, tapping the counter beside them. “Um… what else…”

“Any more ground rules?” Jungkook asked with a grin. There had been no shortage of discussion once the hangovers after Jungkook’s party wore off and they both recalled that Namjoon had said Jungkook could move in with him. Shockingly, Namjoon didn’t take it back. Though there had been many subsequent conversations about “what was fair” as roommates –what the bills were, when to be quiet, how to clean. “What’s important to you as a roommate?” Namjoon had asked him and Jungkook had just stared at him blankly, no answer in mind. He’d just figured it out with Alex. Back in college, he’d figured it out with Taehyung and Jimin. He wasn’t really a premeditated kind of guy.

Jungkook had braced himself for Namjoon to say something about “visitor policy” or something but it hadn’t come up. The house had two full bathrooms and their rooms were at separate ends of the hall so maybe it wouldn’t be an issue, if Jungkook starting bring girls over all the time or whatever. Which he was totally, absolutely going to do. 

“No,” Namjoon said. “No no. I’m sure we can talk through anything that comes up.”

“Yeah, so what were you thinking about the housewarming rager?” Jungkook asked with a playful grin. “I work Friday and Saturday so I was thinking Sunday night–”

“Yeah ok you can do that after you mow the lawn.”

“Ya, did you just let me move in to be your manservant?” Jungkook laughed.

Namjoon was all grins too and Jungkook felt his moving-day tension ease as Namjoon assured him, “No no, you’re helping me out a lot actually.”

“I am?”

“What, you thought I’m just doing this to be a good friend?” 

“Well… yeah…”

“Damn, really? You think that highly of me?” Namjoon laughed. He pulled two beers out of the fridge, offering them with a gesture; Jungkook accepted with a nod and made a mental note to buy the next case. 

“I know we’re both kind of nervous about how our uh, different styles will mesh,” Namjoon admitted. “But we’re friends, we can figure it out. It’s hard to go from living with someone to then living alone –I had to do that too. And uh… I don’t know, it’s kind of lonely being alone for the first time. I don’t like it as much as I expected to. It’s depressing having to do everything on my own around here. And also way more expensive than I expected.”

“Yeah, I can see that…” His own monthly bills would be a bit higher now; savings in some areas since Namjoon owned, losses in others since this place was bigger and nicer than what he’d been living in with Alex. He could afford it but, well, it was probably good he didn’t need that Europe trip fund anymore.

“So yeah, make yourself at home. If something comes up, I don’t know, just bring it up with me and we’ll talk through it like grown ass adults.”

“Yeah No problem. And seriously, dude, thanks for letting me move in here. The thought of trying to get used to a new roommate I don’t know shit about…”

“Yeah, I remember. I know. Hey, if we’d made different choices in life, maybe this is where we would have been starting after college!”

“Yeah, that’s a way to think about it,” Jungkook agreed.

What Jungkook had appreciated about Namjoon from the start was that he’d never once said anything like dude you’re making too big of a deal, she’s just your friend who moved out. After drunkenly blabbing his bullshit to waaaay too many people at his birthday party until basically everyone knew the whole sob story, he’d braced himself for the teasing, even if his friends meant it lovingly. Instead he could see the careful way his close friends tried to be helpful, and he was really touched by it. Whether that was Namjoon letting him move in, Taehyung scheduling more frequent game sessions, Jimin inviting him over for dinner more often and only asking him to cook half the time. Yes, it all made him feel a little pathetic, but he appreciated their intentions. He didn’t need them to go so out of their way to avoid mentioning Alex but he was also a little grateful for it.

But outside his core circle of friends, he found the “support” a little harder to endure. He thought going out with people a lot would keep him distracted instead of counting the days. It looked good on his Instagram too, in case she happened to be watching; she hadn’t unfollowed him, though she wasn’t posting lately either. But he’d quickly discovered that at the whiff of heartbreak, most people became absolutely well-intentioned assholes. He didn’t just volunteer the information but if it got (easily) dragged out of him (because sometimes talking about it felt like a string still connected them and this was all just a temporary bump), they would inevitably say something like Oh hey, I’ve got a friend I can introduce you to or geez she sounds like a bitch, you’re better off or better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

“Hey, do you think it’s true, that saying about ‘it’s better to have loved and lost–’”

“Nah, it’s bullshit,” Namjoon chuckled as he led the way to the living room. With nothing better to do, Jungkook followed. He sank into one of the two chairs, both positioned so they could look out the windows on either side of the fireplace. Namjoon had a bird feed out there and some little brown things were hopping around chowing down.

“Yeah…”

“I just think it’s trying to stack-rank two things that both suck. Why do people get so competitive about establishing this is better or worse than that? It’s lemons to oranges, they aren’t the same thing even though they’re related. Being lonely sucks but so does having your heart fucked. Not convincing anyone you’re a catch sucks but so does someone thinking you are and then changing their mind, you aren’t worth learning to compromise or whatever… I don’t know. It all sucks.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook agreed. It sucked a little bit less though to hear Namjoon say that. “People keep telling me time heals all wounds, shit like that.”

“Oh yeah. I got uh, ‘there’s more fish in the sea’ so many fucking times.”

“Yeah! But I don’t want time to heal the wound, I want the girl to heal the wound,” Jungkook argued.

“Yeah I didn’t want another fish, I liked the fish I had…. At least for a while. Now I’m over it. But it’s hard when you’re hurting; it feels like no one has ever hurt like you before. So I understand what people mean, they mean well. No one invents heartbreak and it’s hard to watch people hurting so you try to find something to say to make it hurt a little less when the truth is that it just takes time. But we’re conditioned not to want to see people suffer.”

“You think that part’s conditioned or natural?”

“God I’m so glad you moved in,” Namjoon laughed and let his head fall back and kicked his feet up on a little ottoman

“I’m just curious what you think…”

“I don’t think you get enough credit– well probably it’s your own fault. Your instagram doesn’t scream intellectual.”

Jungkook laughed, “Don’t slutshame me, man! I don’t know that I’m an intellectual, I just think sometimes… maybe not enough…” He thought of late night conversations with Alex –drunk, high, or maybe just sleepy. He’d felt understood. With her gone, he worried he’d never feel understood again. One night stands weren’t usually trying to.

But Namjoon understood some of him. Jimin understood some other parts. Taehyung too. 

“Oh hey you know what else you can help me with, I just got that record player working again –Yoongi helped me. Ah, is he a bad topic…”

“Nah, it’s fine. What can I help you with?”

“My vinyl collection is small. I want to go thrift store hunting for more, fill up a whole one of those bookcases. You’ve got good music taste, you can help me out, yeah?”

To say Jungkook was flattered was a massive understatement.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

And it did! It genuinely did sound great. Life with Namjoon in his nice house with his minimal but simple and mature decor would be different than his starter home with Alex, but this could be ok. Hopefully eventually he would feel more like he fit in here. Right now he couldn’t imagine any of his stuff spreading throughout the house or what it was going to actually be like when he was in and out or how Namjoon was going to handle it if Jungkook didn’t keep things exactly the way he wanted him to but he’d figure it out. Of course he felt like a guest right now, he hadn’t even spent his first night here yet. Namjoon was clearly going out of his way to make him feel welcome.

He had really good friends. Maybe Alex wasn’t the only one he hadn’t verbalized enough appreciation for.

“I really appreciate you letting me move in here, man.”

“Stop saying that,” Namjoon laughed. “You’re welcome here. Mi casa es su casa. Just relax and watch the birds.”

“What’s that little black and white one?” he asked. There were a lot of them and it reminded him of Alex.

He had to stop thinking of Alex all the time. It had been almost a month since she moved out. He was still seeing her in a fucking bird, that couldn’t be healthy, right? Time to stop.

He couldn’t stop thinking of Alex. He still thought about her every single day. He didn’t want that to stop so he needed to learn to live with it, that’s what Namjoon had just said and he trusted Namjoon’s advice more than anyone’s. Time, it would just take time, that’s what Namjoon had said. 

“That’s a chickadee,” Namjoon snickered. “It’s the most common bird. You don’t know what a chickadee is? God I have so much to teach you about domestic suburban life…”

“Sorry man, I was too busy catching other kinds of chicks.”

“Uh huh.”

“But yeah, teach me about the backyard birds. What’s that black and white one with the red head?”

“You’re trolling me, right? You…everyone knows what a woodpecker is…”

“Pecker? Damn whoever named these birds was kind of horny, huh?”

“Ornithologists.”

“Horny-thologists?”

Namjoon grabbed the small decorative pillow from his chair and launched it at Jungkook; he barely had time to move his beer so it wouldn’t spill, barking out a complaint. 

“Isn’t your dick what got you into trouble in the first place?” Namjoon insisted.

“Actually no, my lack of self awareness did.”

Namjoon spluttered with laughter and it made Jungkook laugh too. 

“Lack of self-aware– My ex-wife said the same damn thing about me,” Namjoon admitted. “We’ll be all right, JK.

“Yeah I mean there are plenty of birds in the yard,” Jungkook agreed. “Better to have fed and flown away than never to have shat on the feeder that fed you–”

“Stop stop, where is this coming from?”

“Oh shit did heartbreak actually break me? Am I poetic now?”

“You might be poetic now,” Namjoon laughed. “You should write these down!”

“No I shouldn’t, they’re really bad jokes.”

“They’re funny to me.”

“Namjoon, man, you may not be as smart as everyone thinks you are.”

Namjoon was really squirming, he was laughing so hard. The birds in the yard startled and a bunch flew away –but not the chickadees. They just kept going about their business, snarfing down the birdseed while all the scaredy-birds scattered. But within a few minutes, when nothing else startled them, the other birds came back. Ok, maybe Alex looked like a chickadee but she acted more like whatever those other things were. And if he didn’t scare her and just waited very still and patient, maybe she’d come back. And if she didn’t ever, maybe by then he’d have learned to live without her.

“What are those other ones?” he asked Namjoon. “The ones that came back?”

“White-breasted nuthatch–”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Ok how do I sign up to name birds, since any idiot can come up with this shit. I’m going to name that one a Cockenspiel–”

“That’s a grackle.”

“GRACKLE.”

Someday he was going to have Alex in stitches laughing at these bird names. Right now, Namjoon would do.

“Ok let’s see what records you've got so far, what are you missing? We should go to garage sales too, I bet old people sell good shit like that.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

But they didn’t rush to look at the records. It was nice, just sitting and watching the birds. Not needing to think or feel or do a single thing, just watching the little fluffs eat. 

“Ok what about that cute fluffy gray one?”

“I really don’t want to answer that.”

“Joon…”

“It’s a um… it’s a tit. It’s a titmouse…”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“Look these are just backyard birds, they don’t even have the horniest names! Look it up on your phone, I think there are even worse ones– hold on, I’ll look it up…”

Ok. Time was passing and maybe he could do this, one dumb bird at a time.

For two people who had not been married, the deep links of their life continued to surface in unexpected and incredibly annoying ways over time. At first, every few days she noticed something she’d left behind, or something of Jungkook’s she had accidentally thrown in the box –she’d found three of his shirts but the thought of returning them was mortifying in case he thought she’d taken them on purpose, but also she wanted her ceiling projector back which was probably still in his bedroom. They shared streaming services which were all in his name because he’d gotten a discount through work and she spent an afternoon writing down what episode she was on in everything and then couldn’t bring herself to sign up fresh for her own accounts on anything yet. They shared a Google calendar which she had to uninstall from all of her devices so she wouldn’t get reminders of his work shifts because apparently he was still using it and she dreaded the day “Jungkook Pussy Appointment” would pop up on her phone. Several times she accidentally sent packages to the old address and had to sneak into the mailroom to get them; after about two weeks she went to Jimin and In’am’s for dinner and they delivered her a stack of mail Jungkook had passed along. That one hurt a lot because couldn’t he just text her that he had a stack and she could swing by–

But maybe he wasn’t comfortable. Maybe he was making a point of giving her the space she’d asked for. Maybe he was sulking. He’d never responded to her happy birthday message so it was possible he just hated her too.

Of all the bills, the one she dragged her feet on the most though was the phone bill. Alex had been on Jungkook’s phone plan for the last three years, once her parents kicked her off and she and Jungkook realized a family plan would be cheaper, especially with his Verizon employee discount. She wasn’t sure what it would take to roll her number off to its own plan and she dreaded the monthly increase and also doing phone things was just annoying. It had been awesome to just roll into the store last time she needed one and Jungkook did all the things and handed her the phone with the best deals and off she went. 

In September, she just Venmoed him her half of the monthly bill like she always did with the note: sorry I’ll get off your plan quick!

She did not get off his plan quick. He accepted the money without comment, no response back, though did transfer her $30 back with for the groceries you left. She thought about trying to return the security deposit again, because she felt guilty she’d left him with so little time to find a roommate. She didn’t know if he’d found one yet. She wasn’t totally avoiding their friends, but she’s only seen Rebekah and Minxi on their own and texted a little with Jimin, and she felt like everyone made a point of not saying anything, not asking anything.

Then she started feeling guilty in case he didn’t realize he was suddenly going to have to pay for the streaming services on his own, so she transferred him half of that too: hey I’m rolling off now, make your new roommate help pay but didn’t want to leave you in a lurch.

He sent it back: it’s $7. I’ll be fine.

She thought his tone was kind of salty and decided that maybe it wasn’t cute to send him these little things. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed space. She had, after all, possibly broken his heart. Possibly not. But possibly? It was a major factor in moving out, after all. It was hard to watch someone you loved be with someone else and if he loved her so much that he couldn’t keep it to himself while she had a happy relationship, she didn’t want to put him through watching her be happy.

So she didn’t send him any money for anything else, but also just kind of forgot about it until October when she suddenly remembered the bill would be due again soon and she had not rolled onto her own account. Probably she would have put it off another month and just sent him the money, lazy because he hadn’t demanded she get off or kicked her off himself yet. But then at work she spilled a whole carafe of milk on her pants, and then when trying to clean it up with the case off, she’d kind of accidentally thrown it –look, it was a panicked clumsy mistake, but the screen protector had already been shattered and didn’t save it now, so the screen itself shattered. Plus no matter how well she cleaned it, the whole thing smelled like sour milk within hours. And since she had to transfer off his account anyway, she realized she needed to just go into the store and hope the folks there would recognize her and not press her for account authorization information she didn’t have.

But obviously she wasn’t going to go alone, just in case she did run into Jungkook. She was going to take Hoseok but realized that would turn the mall trip into many hours and anyway he was working the afternoon shift on her free day. She used Siri on her phone to call Rebekah, the one friend she knew would pick up the phone and not just demand to know why she was calling instead of texting. Even though she’d had to endure Rebekah’s teasing, “Does the Sabbath mean nothing to you? You’re lucky I’ll still go shopping… just don’t tell my parents.”

Alex felt like an asshole to not have thought about it, though Rebekah was sometimes loose with which traditions she kept. In this instance, Alex was infinitely grateful for the flexibility. Rebekah’s presence with her at the mall was just what she’d needed. 

“We went on three dates but..”

“Oh, not good?” Alex asked as Rebekah caught her up on the things she’d missed in the last five weeks, starting with her own life. Somehow that five weeks felt both very long and like no time at all. 

“No he was just kind of… just nothing to him. He had no personality,” Rebekah lamented. “Everything I asked him about, his answer was just ‘well what kind of dessert do you like?’ Look I do not want to make 98% of the decisions in a relationship, I need someone with opinions, and with preferences, and needs.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Alex nodded along, trying not to accidentally make eye contact with anyone as she held the ball of a lollipop in her cheek. She felt like a small child but when they’d passed the candy store right by the front entrance, she’d felt an undeniable need for a cotton candy flavored blue lollipop. There was something about being in a mall when she hadn’t been in it for several months that made her want to do all sorts of stupid mall things. She almost asked Rebekah if she wanted to get soft pretzels too but stopped herself in time because not only did it give her stomach a painful twist thinking of Jungkook, she also remembered the mall ones weren’t kosher, which Rebekah had already mentioned she was keeping more strictly again, motivated by so many recent Jewish holidays with her family. 

Honestly, Alex admired her faith and her dedication to it. She wished she was that dedicated to anything. Sure she felt her Chinese heritage threaded through many parts of her life, and she enjoyed a lot of traditional holidays and customs with her family, but it wasn’t quite the same, she thought, as embodying a practice daily the way Rebekah did. There wasn’t really anything she embodied daily: not even drinking water and eating healthy, though she’d started going on Baba’s daily walks with him if she was around. Mostly to get her parents off her back because if she wasn’t with Hoseok, she was basically just hanging around the house which they were far more judgmental about than her previous roommate.

“How’s living at home?” Rebekah asked her once she seemed adequately vented about her disappointing dating life.

“Eh…”

“Sorry, should I not have asked–”

“No, it’s fine, don’t make that part of it awkward. It just feels like moving out was this big step into adulthood and going home is a step backwards and my parents don’t know how to treat me because am I an adult or am I not? If I’m not paying rent or bills, aren’t I just their daughter again? And it’s hard to put my foot down when I’m living off them, you know?”

“What don’t they like?”

“I expected it but… it’s awkward if I stay over at Hoseok’s. The first time it happened I let them know I was staying out and my mom basically didn’t talk to me the next day.”

“But… you used to live with a guy… I thought they were all progressive–”

“They are! I don’t think my mom was disgusted, I think she was just awkward. Like she felt like she ought to say I can’t do that but I’m a grown up. I mean, what’s the worst that happens, Hobi knocks me up and I get married? They love him, I don’t think they’d be mad about that,” Alex laughed. 

“Wow, really? Already?”

“Wait, I’m not saying that’ll happen! We’ve only been dating for like… coming up on six months soon, yikes. Anyway, it’s just that, it’s awkward. They don’t know how to ask if I’m going to be home or not and I try to be funny about ‘hey don’t wait up for me’ but then I’ll get text messages at midnight still asking when I’ll be home. And my mom doesn’t like how much time I spend sitting around watching TV.”

“What does she want you doing? It’s not like you aren’t doing anything. You have a good job and a good boyfriend.”

“I know!” Alex cried, throwing her hands up. “I wish you were my mom,” she joked.

“I don’t but thanks, I guess?”

“She thinks I’m getting too fat and she’s worried I don’t have any friends anymore because of breaking up with Jungkook.”

“Well that’s not true, you have me!”

“That’s what I said. You should come to dinner soon. Um… we’ll order food, our kitchen is definitely not kosher… but hey I think it would be great to introduce my parents to other food–”

Rebekah literally patted her head, “Thanks. I’d be happy to come visit and prove to your parents you aren’t a complete loner freak and that you’re actually a moderately capable adult.”

“Ugh.” 

“Speaking of which, are you ready for me to hold your hand while we talk to a scary employee about how to fix your phone? Do I need to be ready to cause a distraction in case we run into Jungkook? Both very mature fears, I assure you–”

“You’ve gotten so mean in five weeks,” Alex laughed. “Wasn’t one of those holidays about penance?” 

Rebekah laughed and nudged her into the Verizon store.

And honestly, Alex did not feel like a mature, capable adult. She was glad Rebekah was with her. The sight of smarmy dudes in denim button ups and black slacks made her instantly aware she had entered his territory, even though he’d still been wearing the polo and khakis when she moved out. Seasonal uniform change, maybe? Actually it was a little less douchey looking, but she avoided picturing him in it and he wouldn’t be here to give a visual anyway. He was still using the Google calendar, which was kind of soft to her even though it just meant he either hadn’t thought of making his own calendar or was too lazy, so she’d been able to confirm he wasn’t working today. Still, she glanced around every employee to make sure he wasn’t one of them.

She startled when a woman approached, nametag Geneva, and asked what she could help them with.

“I busted my phone so I need the screen fixed. Probably I need a whole new phone. And I need to roll off the family plan I’m on right now to my own.”

“Ok, we can definitely help you with all that! Nate… Yes, Nate will help you.”

Alex was handed off to this other guy who she was pretty sure was the stupid guy Jungkook had always complained about. She did not mention that. Instead she answered more questions like that she needed the cheapest good phone possible, that she needed the cheapest solo plan possible, and that the name on the account was Jungkook Jeon.

“Wait, wha?” Nate asked, eyes going wide.

“Yeah, I know he works here–”

“Well then why did you come in now? He’s not on right now, he could hook you up with all of this.”

Geneva had walked away but doubled back at Jungkook’s name and now Alex realized maybe she should have gone to literally any other Verizon store in the world. Why had she come here?! 

“Wait, you’re Jungkook’s roommate?” Geneva asked.

“Um… yeah, I was, but I’m living somewhere else now so I need to get off his family plan.”

Nate was typing into his little employee tablet thing and said, “Well… you’re due for an upgrade on the device, that’s the best deal you’ll get but that’s only if you extend the current plan.”

“I… no, I need to get onto my own plan.”

“Is he paying your phone bill now?” Geneva asked, head tilting. It was such a weird and personal question that Alex also tilted her head and found herself wondering if Jungkook had fucked this woman. Which annoyed her. Because how gross, to have her first thought be did Jungkook fuck this woman and that’s why she’s asking me this weird question because she developed some sort of an attachment to him even if they only had a fling and she wants to know what my business is with him? Or hey, for all she knew, Jungkook had done other shocking things since then and was dating this chick now!

Alex tried to sound like a competent adult and answered, “He is and he shouldn’t be since we live separately now. What’s the best deal I can get for rolling onto my own account?”

“Hm, well… there’s a…” Nate trailed off, scrolling through things. “There is a new account discount with a new device but the discount isn’t as big.”

“Isn’t that kind of weird? Why would I get a bigger discount for staying than as a new customer?”

“Because if we only gave good deals to new customers, people would just bounce,” Geneva pointed out. Was it snippy? It felt snippy to Alex. She looked around for confirmation from Rebekah, but her dear friend who was supposed to support her here had wandered over to watch parents wrangling a toddler throwing a tantrum outside the shop.

“Ok well will I get a better deal than this if I go over to T-mobile?”

“Doubtful and your service will suck,” Nate said. 

With a deep sigh because she knew he was right and it had been a reason she’d moved to Jungkook’s Verizon account in the first place, she said, “OK, whatever. Just give me the best deal you can. Make sure it’s something Jungkook would be ok with you doing to me.”

“Are you moving in with that new guy?” Nate asked. Alex laughed at the shock of the question, at first certain she’d misheard him.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask a customer about their private life and also what the hell was he telling you about it?!”

Apparently Nate thought they were buddies now though, because he grinned, “Yeah, I got to hear all about it.”

Geneva scowled at Nate, “Make sure you get the right permissions to make changes to the account though.” Then she walked off. Alex felt like she was missing half of the conversation but it didn’t matter. Probably the woman was in love with Jungkook; who wasn’t? She just needed her phone changed.

Nate nodded, “Yeah, if you want to keep your number I’ll need permission from the primary account holder. Looks like he didn’t give you permission to make changes to the account.”

“That ass,” she tried to joke. “It’s because he just dealt with all the phone stuff.”

“If you can answer security questions it might let me bypass, or we can just call him.”

“What are the security questions?” Alex sighed.

“Uh… where did you and your spouse first meet? He doesn’t have a spouse,” Nate snickered.

Alex ignored the painful cramp in her chest as she guessed, “Ashborne. With an ‘e’ on the end.”

“Uh… yep. Ok, now I need– do you know the pin he put on the account?”

Alex didn’t answer at first, hearing delayed as she tried to not shut down at what was stupid and casual and didn’t mean anything: Ashborne was their hometown. She was the fake spouse. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a joke; maybe they had even joked about it at the time. They made jokes like that sometimes, back in the day, that they were an old married couple. At some point it had stopped being funny, maybe once Alex got tired of being his wife only in jokes, never in any real way– Not that she wanted to be his wife! But the idea of her being his wife as the butt of a joke constantly just got old, especially when part of the joke was that obviously she wasn’t ever going to be his actual wife because she wasn’t romantic or sexual or whatever, she was just the one at home doing the cooking and cleaning while he ran around fucking mistresses or whatever.

But he’d set this phone account up longer ago than that. He’d been on his own plan since he turned eighteen because his parents didn’t want to pay for the data he needed for all the mobile gaming he used to do. How long ago had he set this security question? 

It didn’t matter. What it meant could be anything. He had claimed to be in love with her a month and a half ago so some random security question referencing a casual joke shouldn’t fluster her like this.

“I don’t know the pin,” she admitted. “So I guess um… what are my options? I just buy a new phone with a new number and he’ll have to close this one down?”

Nate waved her frustration off, because she didn’t want to change her number, “We can just call him and he can give me permission to free up the number and I can roll it over to the new account. Ok, do you know what phone you want? Let’s get that done first.”

He had to walk her through a bunch. Actually he was pretty nice about it considering she didn’t know anything about phones. He seemed to take it seriously that she was a friend of Jungkook’s and steered her away from unnecessary features. Jungkook had talked about this guy like he was a total idiot but he seemed nice to her. He even managed to find the teal blue version of the phone she wanted, the last one, in the back.

“Ok, why don’t you call him and he can just tell me the PIN and permission over the phone,” Nate suggested. “He has to release the number first and then I can set you up.”

“Uh…” Alex froze. Rebekah had wandered closer and she looked at Rebekah and asked, “Could you, um… call Jungkook?”

“Me?!”

“I can’t, my phone doesn’t work,” she pointed out, holding her hands up.

“You can call him on my phone,” Rebekah suggested.

“Wait, I don’t want to talk to–”

“I’m not explaining this to him,” Rebekah argued.

Nate looked between them and asked, “What’s uh… the problem? You can call him with our phone…”

“Why don’t you call him?” Alex suggested, smiling and resting her arms on the table, which was a little too low to do elegantly, even for her. “I don’t know all the things you’re needing so you can just ask him yourself.”

“Why, are you avoiding him or something?” Nate asked. With a neutral smile that was either totally fake or totally brainless. 

Alex’s eyes narrowed, “What did he tell you?”

“Nothing. We don’t talk about customers, ma’am.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “What did he tell you?!”

But Nate had pulled up his own phone and held it to his ear and held a finger up that he was on a call. Surely Jungkook hadn’t told a random co-worker about the whole confession and space thing… surely he’d just said that Alex was moving out or something because she had her boyfriend? Nate said Jungkook had told him that, but surely not everything. Not that it mattered in the grand scheme of things but… but maybe Nate wasn’t giving her a good deal! 

“Hey JK, listen, I’ve got a customer here who’s on your account and she’s wanting to roll over to her own but she doesn’t have permission to– yep. Yeah, her. How many ladies you got on your account, bro? I’m joking,” Nate grinned at her, “I see it’s only the two lines.”

Rebekah and Alex shared a look; Rebekah covered her mouth not to laugh and Alex glared at the traitor. 

Suddenly he hung up and said, “He said he’ll be right here.”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah apparently he’s on his way in–”

“He’s not supposed to be working today,” she said to Rebekah, grabbing her arm.

And her dear friend rolled her eyes, “Come on, be an adult.”

And that hurt! Because Alex was being an adult! She’d come here to do her own phone thing and figure that out, she just had hoped not to run into Jungkook because… for reasons…

He walked in right as she looked at the door, wearing a white t shirt tucked into the black slacks, his denim button up slung over his arm and a coffee in the other hand. First time Alex had seen him since she moved out. Same face, same hair, same big dark eyes, same nose, same familiar Jungkook who she’d seen most days of her life until five weeks ago. Six? Something?

Truth be told, which she would never admit, her stomach did a very painful twisty thing and her chest felt like it inflated and relief melted her and shock put her on edge and she just felt like that was maybe not a normal way to react to seeing your old friend again. Like that was not how she’d felt after seeing Rebekah again after a few years apart. That wasn’t how she’d felt seeing her parents when she’d come home from college the first time.

Honestly, the thing it felt closest to was the first time she’d seen Yoongi after they broke up. That same twist of pain and regret and anger and distress and impossible longing. For friendship! Friend longing!

“Hey,” he said, and the smile was in his eyes before it reached his mouth. “Heard you’re bailing on our family plan?”

“Trying to,” she forced out. 

“Uh… ok…” He pursed his lips and then admitted, “It’s going to be more expensive for each of us but I get it.”

“I know but I need a new phone.”

“What happened to it? It’s not that old.”

She gestured to it on the counter and explained, “Took a swim in milk and then I uh, kind of threw it on accident and the screen shattered and it smells real funky…”

“You’re up for a renewal and she could get a new one,” Nate tattled, “I told her it’s cheaper to stay than to go.”

Jungkook actually laughed, a sort of below the breath snort, and then greeted, “Hey Rebekah, should have known you were an accomplice.”

“What? Me?! I’m just here for moral support!”

“Oh, am I that scary?” he joked.

Alex intervened, “No, I just don’t know shit about phones, you always handled it.”

“Yeah. What are you getting?” He glanced at the box and seemed to deem it fine, then said, “I really don’t care if you stay on the plan and you can keep venmoing me money but I get it if you want to roll off. Up to you.”

“That’s weird though. If I stayed on.”

“It’s a $10 difference a month, it’s not a big deal either way,” Jungkook told her. “Hundred twenty bucks a year… renewing will save you like… does it work out to $200 savings on the new phone? Fifty buck difference to just getting your own plan.” Jungkook asked Nate, who looked impressed. Clearly Jungkook knew his shit at work. But obviously he did, Alex knew that, he was a really good employee.

“Ok but I still should do it.”

“Ok, that’s fine, I just wanted you to know if you want to save the money you don’t have to– You need me to release the number?” Jungkook asked Nate, not waiting for her to confirm it again. He recited a pin number for Nate –0901, which she should have been able to guess–, looked over Nate’s shoulder, then nodded.

“Ok I’ve got a bunch of questions I’ll need to ask you now,” Nate warned her. “And I’ll have to run a quick credit check and–”

“Wait, what? A credit check?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal, it won’t ding your credit or anything.”

“Ok…”

Jungkook patted Nate’s arm, “I’m going to clock in, I’ll be back in case you need anything else from me–”

“Wait a minute,” Alex said without thinking. Then, to cover that she didn’t know why she’d said that, she added, “Why are you even working today? I thought you, uh–”

“Ah, you checked so you could try to avoid me.”

“No! I… maybe…” His crooked grin was annoying. She worried she was hurting him by doing this even though it was the right thing to do. She worried he was hurt rather than understanding about her trying to avoid him. She worried she had lost some of her immunity to that smile; she felt a space between them that had never existed before and she didn’t like it, even though she knew it was right. 

“I just didn’t want you to be upset about the uh, phone thing…”

“Nah, it’s fine, I get it. Uh… how are you doing otherwise? Both of you?” he asked between the two of them.

Rebekah nodded and smiled, “Mm-hm! Great!”

“Yeah. Yeah, things are um, good. How are you doing?”

“Really good,” he told her, and smiled from the other side of the canyon. “Living with your parents going ok?”

“Yeah, mostly… I mean, you know, it’s kinda weird but kinda nice. I see your parents a lot.”

“Yeah, I know, more than I do,” he laughed. “They told me you’re a more dutiful son right now.”

“You don’t have to stay away from family dinners or anything.”

“Yeah, you either. Or friend gatherings or anything,” he insisted. “I hope you aren’t just to avoid me.”

“No, of course not,” she lied. “Things aren’t like that.”

“Yeah, I mean you can’t just give me everyone in the divorce, I did not agree to that.”

She laughed but hated the sound of it and stopped as she assured him, “Right, sorry, I’ll stop being such an absent parent. Support payments must not be clearing… I’ve just been busy, that’s all, we’ll be at a thing together again soon. I mean at the same time.”

“I knew what you meant,” he assured her. Nose scrunch. “I’ve gotta clock in, I’m covering for someone. Didn’t put it on the calendar since I didn’t realize you were still checking–”

“No, I’m really not, I just–”

“It’s cool. I get it. It’s not like I go to your coffee shop either. K, I gotta go. Nate, hook her up or I’m stealing your customers.”

“I am!” Nate complained. “You’re the one keeping me from getting her account set up right now.” 

“Good to see you!” Jungkook called over his shoulder with a weird sort of over-the-shoulder salute, thumb and first two fingers extended, something between a wave and a peace sign and a thumb’s up. She’d seen him do that before. A casual goodbye to guy friends, that was how he used that. 

Fuck she sighed under her breath and turned her full attention to Nate so they could wrap up.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Rebekah said and abandoned her. 

Alex felt like she might shit her pants for the rest of the appointment that now felt like it was taking a thousand years. Jungkook’s shift started while she was still stuck there, which meant she could hear his voice and sense his presence as he greeted a young couple and worked with them at a nearby counter. He sounded so professional, so charming in a non-skeevy way. She’d never actually just heard him working before and wondered if he was laying it on thick because she was there, and realized he probably was not and did not care that she was there. From what she could see, the whole thing was behind him. He was so unbothered, he didn’t mind if she stayed on his phone plan. If he loved her, wouldn’t that be excruciating?

She lit out of there without even a wave as soon as her new phone was set up, and was just about to call Rebekah and demand evacuation rescue when her friend sidled up to her again and handed her a soft pretzel.

“They aren’t kosher!” Alex gasped and Rebekah assured her, “I just wanted a coke, thought you could use a snack.”

“Thank you, I forgive you for abandoning me.”

“Abandoning you! I thought you were doing fine! Nate had you taken care of, Jungkook made sure of it. New phone all set?”

Alex started to walk so no one in Verizon store could watch the way she was about to deep throat this pretzel. No cheese but that was fine, cheese would slow her down. 

“Yes and I survived talking to Jungkook.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“No, I know,” Alex said, instantly flushed at feeling like Rebekah was saying she was dramatic and stupid. “I just meant… it’s kind of awkward and I hadn’t seen him in a long time, that’s all. Since…”

“I don’t think you need to feel awkward about anything,” Rebekah assured her.

“I just feel bad, you know?” 

“Because he told you he was in love with you and you don’t feel the same?” Rebekah bluntly demanded. Alex had not directly said that to anyone but apparently Jungkook had blabbed some details about it at the birthday party while drunk. According to Minxi, the common knowledge was that he had admitted he thought he had feelings for Alex but she wasn’t interested and didn't feel comfortable living with him anymore so she moved out. Which was harsh, but mostly true… just like it was kind of true what Jungkook had said, that maybe she was avoiding more than just him. She just felt like some of them were more Jungkook’s friends than hers, or that they wouldn’t understand why she didn’t just ditch the outsider and give a relationship with Jungkook a shot. Would they? She was afraid to ask. But she’d always felt like they doted on him, like he was their baby brother, like he could get away with murder, and now she was someone not giving him what he allegedly wanted. She’d rather not set herself up to get kicked out.

“Yeah….”

“I don’t think you need to feel bad about that, you should just make sure you aren’t making a bigger deal out of it than you need to.”

“You mean– what do you mean?” Alex asked skeptically and then shoved pretzel into her mouth.

“I mean ok you moved out, that’s fine, if you weren’t comfortable. But if you’re avoiding everyone–”

“I’m not,” she lied, mouth full of lying pretzel.

“Ok, well don’t. Especially since…”

Alex choked the bite down and asked, “Especially since what?”

“I don’t know… ok I didn’t know whether I should say anything because I don’t know if it’s true but I don’t know if I’m a better friend to tell you or not to tell you… but since you aren’t in love with him back, maybe I should tell you because maybe it’ll help you not feel bad and–”

“Uh you definitely have to tell me whatever you’re now being incredibly cryptic about,” Alex interjected. She felt the pretzel rising back up her throat. “What are you talking about right now?”

“It’s not something I know for sure so I don’t want to gossip but I especially don’t want to hurt you…”

“You’re not, but it’s a bad friend thing to keep secrets–”

“Ok…” 

Alex grabbed her arm and plopped down on a mall bench and stared into her soul while chewing furiously on the pretzel. “You got gossip? I love gossip. Lay it on me,” she said, hoping casual would do the trick.

“I just think… he might be dating someone…”

Alex was pretty sure the next three seconds were an out of body experience.

“Oh?” she asked with a voice that was not hers. “Why do you think that? He’s bringing someone around? Like just a new roommate or–”

“Well, you know he’s living with Namjoon now and–”

“Wait, what?! He moved out of the apartment?!”

“Um…”

“Sorry, sorry go on,” Alex insisted. It was shocking that her plan to cut herself out of the loop and disengage with information her friends might share meant she was out of the loop and unaware of the information her friends might have shared. 

“Yeah he moved in with Namjoon a few weeks ago. He was introducing this woman around at your joint birthday party, the one you missed, but I didn’t know if they came together, but then I definitely saw them leave together and also– well he might have left with two girls? But he was really drunk, I don’t know… Anyway, I guess he’s hanging out with this one girl a lot though and it just was interesting to me because usually he doesn’t hang out with the same woman right? I wasn’t at Namjoon’s party so I don’t know if he brought her to that. I noticed you didn’t go–.”

“Two women!?”

“Ok I don’t know if he took two home, maybe they were just helping him walk? I wouldn’t have thought about it except that he’s still hanging out with one of them… I don’t know! You would know better, if he’s the kind of guy who would do something like that…”

“How do you know they’ve been hanging out?” Alex asked before she could decide the question sounded too nosy. Two girls?! No. No way. Jungkook hadn’t ever had a threesome though he’d made plenty of longing comments about it so if he did for his birthday, like, good for him, but it shouldn’t happen while he was super drunk, that was shady. Oh god that made her feel kind of sick to her stomach… no, that hadn’t happened, she decided. Women were always handsy with him, it didn’t mean he’d fucked two women at the same time in their apartment right after.

God, if two women were willing to fuck Jungkook in a threesome, there was no way in hell he’d turn that down. It may have happened. He may have been having a threesome while she was sick at home, feeling sorry for herself.

“Uh well he’s been on her instagram a few times –please don’t ask me how I know that,” Rebekah flinched.  

“Oh my god you’re such a busybody!” Alex gasped as if she wasn’t fighting the urge to whip out her phone and redownload the app right now. Her voice was too loud. Oops.  

“I know,” Rebekah wailed. “I want to say I’m just a good friend but also he’s hot and I just spend a lot of time on instagram, ok? I know he fucks around and leaving with someone from the birthday party if he’s heartbroken over you, that makes sense to me. She may just be a rebound… I thought the way he was introducing her was weirder than him leaving with her but I don’t know, maybe it was nothing! They could just be friends!”

Rebekah was watching her with transparent concern.

Alex laughed. And rolled her eyes. And swallowed the last bite of her pretzel and insisted,

“Come on, don’t be all weird and worried. I told you a thousand times, I have no romantic feelings for him. If he’s seeing someone that is shocking because this is Jungkook but… great! That’s great! Good for– If he’s seeing someone– maybe he was just finally ready to start settling down I guess!”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. Is it right that I told you that?” 

Alex nodded, “Yes, thank you. It does make me feel better. Maybe his feelings for me weren’t even that serious– what did you say the woman’s name is? Someone I know?”

“Anita? Do you–”

“Ah! Anita. Yes.”

“Yes?”

“We had a double date together to the arcade–”

“Oh! I didn’t realize that was the same– oh. Ok. Maybe they are then…”

“Yeah, maybe they are,” Alex agreed. “That’s great.”

So great. Really great. Really fucking great for Jungkook to already be over her. Already replaced. No wonder he could be so magnanimous about the phone thing. Maybe he had a new girlfriend.  

That was great!

“Thanks for telling me, Bek. And thanks for coming. And thanks for watching out for me. Sounds like I can stop beating myself up about breaking his heart,” Alex said. “I’ll venmo you for the pretzel.”

“Now I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“What?! Why? I’m glad you did! I deleted instagram from my phone so I wouldn’t even know and no one says anything to me. I wish you’d told me earlier!”

“Ok. Ok good then, I’m glad I told you if you’re glad! Do you have to go home right away or can we wander over to Primark?”

“Yeah, let’s shop,” Alex agreed even though she really just wanted to go home and think about this and instagram stalk.

Jungkook dating?

No way.

But yes way? Anita was nice. She’d handled his tantrum on the arcade date well. If he was going to date someone, Alex could maybe almost give approval for her…

But really? Didn’t this mean he hadn’t really loved her? You didn’t just–

Unless you were rebounding–

She was thinking about this too much. It didn’t matter. She’d made her choice! That was great for him! He could do whatever he wanted –dating, threesomes, orgies, whatever!

And Alex could pretend to be really glad to hear this!

Jungkook fidgeted with the rings on his fingers and checked his watch again. Anita was supposed to have met him here fifteen minutes ago and now wasn’t answering her phone. He hated that. Yes, he did that sometimes, but he disliked it in other people. Almost as much as he disliked being called, which was the next thing she did.

“Yello?”

“Hey I’m running late–”

“No shit.”

“I’ll be there soon, you can go in and have a drink, I’ll meet you inside.”

“If I go in here alone I might get mobbed.”

“Great, you’ll enjoy the attention.”

“Not the kind of attention I’m looking for,” he grumbled, annoyed that she was right, he would be flattered. He pocketed his phone and decided to head inside, noting the rainbow glow of the sign on his shirt as he showed the doorman his ID and passed through. The bright colors just made him feel already tired, like he was stepping into a rave past his bedtime. 

To be clear, Jungkook was perfectly fine in a gay bar. He didn’t frequent them often, but he’d been before, no big deal. And literally no one had hit on him, which he suspected would be the case this time as well. Sure, he didn’t really feel like talking to anyone right now or declining attention, but he also wasn’t feeling up to the blow to his ego of being completely ignored. It still hadn’t recovered from losing out Employee of the month to fucking Nate. What the fuck happened there?!

He tried to look unavailable as he went to the bar and ordered a drink so at least he wouldn’t be empty handed. The place was sort of embarrassingly quiet on a Tuesday night; the Halloween decorations strung around the place looked tacky with only half a dozen well-behaved people circling around high tops. The music felt too quiet for a bar but louder would have been annoying. 

Ok, Jungkook was just cranky lately. He’d try to not subject Anita to that. He settled in at a stool on the end of the bar and pulled out his phone to look for something to amuse himself. Cats weren’t doing it for him but some parrots screaming into bowls and cups were good even though he couldn’t really hear the audio over the music.

Hairs on the back of his neck prickled as if someone was watching him and he felt the heaviness of someone drawing close. Assuming it was Anita finally here, he looked up to tease her, but it wasn’t her so he looked back down.

And then looked back.

And then, “Uh… May?”

“Oh my god.”

“You–”

“Hey tian xin,” Minxi sidled up to May with a drink extended and then actually yelped at the sight of Jungkook.

“Holy shit!” Jungkook gasped.

“Holy shit you!” May cried. “Are you–”

“No wait are you– are you two dating?!” he gestured rapidly between them even though obviously they were because there was definitely something in Minxi’s voice when she’d said whatever that was in Chinese and–

“Are you gay?!” May shrieked. “What are you doing in a gay bar?!”

“You’re gay,” Jungkook said, wide eyed. Then, “Holy shit, nobody knows. Does Alex know?”

“No she doesn’t know!” May hissed as Minxi shirked her shoulders and grimaced at Jungkook, looking like she’d pay good money to be literally anywhere but here.

“And dating her friend?!”

“Well does she know you’re–”

“Hey sorry I’m so fucking late,” Anita gasped, stumbling directly into the little scene and then stopping short. “Oh, um.”

“Ok I am so fucking confused. Is this your girlfriend? Are you gay? What the fuck is going on?” May demanded.

“Yeah, Minxi, May, I could say the same fucking thing–”

“Oh boy what did I just walk into,” Anita mumbled and took a dramatic step backwards.

“Why don’t we uh… go to a table,” Minxi suggested. When nobody moved, she just turned and walked away. May and Jungkook stared at each other a moment longer, then Jungkook followed, grabbing Anita’s arm and dragging her along. 

“Wait, let me get a drink!”

“There’s table service,” May called over her shoulder.

“Oh, really? I’ve never been here before…”

At the table, May whipped around with the same interrogative energy her sister so easily displayed and demanded, “Explain yourself.”

“Well that’s just not something you can demand–”

“Wait, is the whole fuckboy thing a lie? Or you’re bi–”

“I’m not bi,” Jungkook sighed, “Just… straight. Which I feel really awkward admitting right now in a gay bar… thanks for outing me…”

“So you are dating though,” Minxi said, gesturing between him and Anita.

Immediately Jungkook frowned, “Who says we’re dating?”

“Uh… it’s what everyone thinks?” Minxi answered. She seemed started by Jungkook’s response.

“Who thinks that? Alex thinks that?” He was already sweating but felt a shade of cold added to it. “Why? Who said that?”

“So you’re not dating?” May clarified.

“No, we aren’t dating.”

“I mean we fucked for a while,” Anita helpfully offered. “But I think I might be a lesbian? Or bi? I don’t really know…”

“Oh! Welcome,” Minxi grinned.

“Welcome to… being gay?” Jungkook repeated, head spinning, just confused. “Ok, but wait… fuck, I have so many questions right now.”

May sighed and set her drink down. She closed her eyes, then slowly opened them while Minxi just looked at her with concern. Her hand was on May’s lower back.

“I know what you are,” he mumbled under his breath, memes always on hand at a moment like this.

“Yeah,” May said. “I’m a lesbian. That’s my secret, there you go.”

“But…” He trailed off. “But the banker dude you were dating…”

“Uh, I do social media for a bank,” Minxi said with a laugh.

“Yeah, ok, I haven’t felt comfortable yet coming out to my family,” May admitted. “But I needed my mom to stop trying to introduce me to guys or thinking I couldn’t meet someone on my own, so…”

“But they won’t care,” Jungkook said. “Do you think they will? They’ve never seemed…” He trailed off, realizing maybe he didn’t really know about their parents. Sometimes parents could seem perfectly open-minded and supportive as long as it wasn’t their own child pushing the envelope. “Alex and Edgar won’t care. You think your parents will?”

“I don’t know! They’re not crazy strict but they have an idea about how our lives will go and this was never part of that so… I don’t know. And now you know so I guess it’s time to–”

“Woah,” Jungkook cut her off, “I don’t matter. I’m not saying a word to anyone, that’s your business to share.”

“Even Alex?”

Jungkook made a face and lifted his beer before muttering, “Well, you must be out of the loop…”

“Obviously I’m not, she’s living with my parents again, moping around like a teenager that got dumped even though she’s got a perfectly good boyfriend who’s obsessed with her for some reason I sure can’t figure out.”

Jungkook’s teeth clicked as he bit down on the bottle. It was a stupid thing to do, he hadn’t meant to do that. It was an automatic dumb thing his brain did at this unexpected information chucked at him in the void of any other knowledge. He had no fucking clue how Alex was doing. She’d said she was doing great at the phone store so why wouldn’t he believe her? She’d gotten everything she wanted.

“She um… she’s not doing ok?”

“Would you be if you moved back home?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Right, that’s what you meant…”

“Why, what did you think I meant?” May asked with obvious glee. Only then did Jungkook realize that even May must know about his confession –and that it wasn’t even because Alex had told her, it had probably been Minxi. Her secret girlfriend.

“Let’s talk about how you’re dating Alex’s sister and didn’t tell anyone,” he shifted and pointed at Minxi. “For how long?”

“About six months,” Minxi mumbled into her drink. “But hey, I couldn’t say anything without outing May!”

“We didn’t even know you’re a lesbian. Does Alex know?”

“Look, let’s just all take a moment and embrace the fact that Alex never knows shit about anything,” May insisted. “She didn’t know we’re gay and dating. She didn’t know you’re in love with her. She sure as fuck doesn’t know she’s in love with you. The only thing she does know–”

“Wait what did you say–”

“--is that you two are dating? She might think that? Couldn’t say, Minxi’s the one who told me that gossip but Alex has been extra prickly lately so. Dunno.”

“Yeah, who started the rumor I have a girlfriend? What, days after I confessed to Alex?!” Jungkook asked, but Minxi shrugged. He didn’t think she was the likely source anyway. He tried to think through each friend… but it was so absurd, he couldn’t figure out who would make that assumption and not just ask him about it.

“Could she be fighting with Hoseok? Is that why she’s mopey?” Anita asked, leaning forward on the table with enough interest you would think she was already intimately connected to the friend group. In several ways she was, though not the way Jungkook was now being accused of.

“Ok ok we don’t know, no one here knows, that’s Alex’s business,” Jungkook interrupted before Minxi or May could say anything. Because suddenly this was too much, what May was dumping on the table in front of him. And she had no proof. May had always been kind of a bitch who liked to stir up trouble for Alex, so for all he knew, she was just saying these things to be a bitch. She might take a little too much joy in her sister’s suffering right now but there was no actual reason to believe that suffering was anything more than a sadness at the loss of his friendship. Or like a normal not-relationship-ending fight with her boyfriend. Or a bad day at work.

Besides, she’s said something else much more important, so he scratched his neck and asked casually, “Why um… but why did you say that thing about…”

May sighed and rolled her eyes, “Just ask the question. This is a safe space.”

She could say that, but May wasn’t safe the way Alex was. She’d say whatever she wanted even if it hurt. Maybe that part had been made up to, just to stir up shit. He didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of her. She’d use it against him, she’d never let it go, she’d–

She kept glancing at Minxi, and clicking her nails on her glass, and her leg bouncing was what kept shaking the table. Suddenly he felt like she was offering him information as a trade, which he didn’t like at all. Did she think she could trade Alex’s personal business for a promise Jungkook would keep his mouth closed? Well that sucked in both directions if so. It wasn’t necessary at all. He’d never betray someone’s privacy like that, ever.

He decided to reiterate, “I meant what I said. I’m not going to tell anyone you’re gay or that you’re dating Minxi. I don’t think anyone will care but that’s your private business– ohhh wait, that’s why you went to the Kings of Leon concert with us! I wondered why you came. Damn, no one thought anything about that. You really kept your secret right under our noses.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that and you’re oblivious,” May snapped.

“Ha. Well. You got me there…”

He shared a look with Anita and sipped his beer. Damn Alex was so much cooler than her sister.

“Well,” Anita tried, “I just think if I could make it to twenty-nine and not realize I like fucking women, then I can understand why it would take someone a while to realize they’re in love with their best friend.”

Minxi eagerly nodded, “Yeah, I understand it too. I mean we aren’t that different, I’ve known May for a long time through Alex–”

“Yeah but you kind of always wanted to fuck me,” May grinned at her. It was truly wild to hear her talk like that and to Minxi! Jungkook desperately wanted Alex here seeing this. Thank fuck he didn’t live with her actually because he obviously couldn’t reveal May’s secret but this was quite a thing to have to keep secret from his (previously) best friend. Easy peasy when she wasn’t talking to him anyway.

“I did,” Minxi admitted. Then huffed and elbowed her. “Stop it, don’t embarrass me… and don’t think that’s the only reason I was friends with Alex because it’s not,” she quickly added, pointing at Jungkook. He held his hand up and made a face, gesturing he did not accuse her of that.

Anita was clearly glad to turn the conversation more towards her own reason for being here though and mused, “I always thought I’d be down, but I just thought I was just curious… isn’t everyone curious what it’s like to have sex with women? And I’ve had fun sex with men so…”

Minxi’s smile was so wise and sisterly as she encouraged, “You don’t have to choose, you know.” Jungkook felt like he was definitely seeing a new side to her. He’d always just thought of her as Alex’s nice but kind of quiet, nerdy friend.

“Yeah… I don’t really know where I am for real but I am definitely not straight. Right?” She glanced at Jungkook for confirmation.

Jungkook snickered, “That’s not my decision!” Good. This was good. Go along with the detour and then steer it back and it would keep him from looking too desperate to figure out if May was talking shit or if she knew something.

“I had sex with a woman,” she explained suddenly to May and Minxi. Her new lesbian friends. Jungkook began to wonder if maybe he was no longer needed here but he stayed anyway because fuck if he was leaving without finding out what May had meant. 

“And you liked it?” May guessed. “There’s not a test you have to pass. If you think you’re gay, you’re gay, congrats.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I think? I don’t know, maybe it’s just her… I thought maybe if I met another woman I like, it would help me understand myself more and whether it’s just that woman or all women or what. I don’t think it’s that woman though. I mean, she was great but I don’t really want to date her…”

“That’s why you two are here on a Tuesday night? You’re wingmanning for her?” May laughed.

“Yeah. Believe it or not I am a great ally.”

“Yeah, yeah, I believe it actually,” May waved her hand at him. 

“We thought it might be too busy and stressful on the weekend,” Anita admitted, but looked shy about it now. “Like maybe on a Tuesday night, I could meet someone more, um, serious or something? I don’t know…”

“Well Anita who I don’t know, you want some sage lesbian advice from the girl who’s too chicken to come out to her own family?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t worry about whether it’s one woman or lots of women or what. It doesn’t matter. Once you know you want someone, just shoot your shot and see where it gets you. For instance, don’t wait until she’s in love with your replacement before you–”

“Ok ok,” Jungkook sighed, and leaned away and motioned towards himself, “Fine. Let’s have it.”

“Did you really really really tell my sister you’re in love with her?” May demanded. “LIke that’s not just a rumor, that’s actually a thing that happened that apparently exploded your entire friend group.”

Jungkook let out a deep sigh and then admitted for a laugh, “I drunkenly kissed her first and then I said it. And then I said it again and we had a fight about it. And then I said it again but real mature, and she moved out the next day.”

“Fuck,” May laughed. “That is the saddest and funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, well…” He laughed too. He wanted to laugh about it. That made it feel a little less raw. 

“And you meant it?”

The question brought him up short. His brow scrunched together, whole face briefly serious as he insisted to May, “Yeah, I meant it. Why would I say it if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know–”

“Why would I do something that made my best friend cry her eyeballs out, move out of our home, cut me completely out of her life–”

“Ok ok geez, I get it. Well what took you so long to figure it out? Because honestly you guys have been disgustingly obvious–”

“We haven’t been though,” he argued. “We were just easy with each other. It was always so easy, I just didn’t question it, and it’s not like she was flirting with intentions or anything–”

May growled low in her throat, “I’ve never been a very good sister so I’ll just be a shitty one now too and say it: if you really couldn’t tell she’s been in love with you since like forever, you’re literally the dumbest person I have ever met in my life.”

“I…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Hope and doubt warred in his chest. He couldn't trust anyone saying anything with such confidence when Alex herself had told him the opposite, and yet her own sister said it so confidently! But Alex didn’t know May was gay (haha, it rhymed!) so how could May possibly have any real insight into feelings that Alex herself may or may not have, may or may not realize, may or may not want to admit, and definitely didn’t want to act on.

“Wow,” May mused. “You’re really that dumb. I can see every thought on your face–”

“How can you know that? You two aren’t exactly close.”

“I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Well she said the opposite pretty clearly.”

“I’ll be honest,” Anita butted in, “if I’d been in love with you for years and had to watch you move through women like water and not even consider me, I’d hate you too–”

“But it wasn’t about not considering her! It was just that she was… not like that… untouchable–”

“Fuck,” all three women said at the same time.

“NO not like that! Not interested, not available, not– just too good for someone like me and–”

“Calm down, will you? You’re shouting. We only do that on Wednesdays and Fridays in here.”

But Jungkook’s head was spinning because honestly that was even worse than believing she just didn’t return his feelings. Not that it was the first time someone had suggested it but Alex had always so loudly, vocally shut it down, and he’d believed her. Now, May speaking so confidently terrified him, because what if it was true? What if Alex didn’t hate him because he’d confessed feelings and been all clingy once she had a boyfriend, but because she’d actually always wanted to be that woman for him and he’d–

Fuck. He’d fucked around for years. He’d made no secret of how often he slept with women. He’d flaunted it. It was a point of pride for him, a running joke with their friends. He’d told Alex shit about it all the time to make her laugh because she was so unbothered by it but what if she wasn’t so unbothered by it and instead she was dying inside the way he’d died inside every time she told him about Hoseok?!

Jungkook groaned and slumped forward on the table, pressing his face right down on the sticky top. He deserved it. The brief flicker of hope May had given him fizzled out into abject despair. That was worse. The thought he might have been hurting Alex for years was worse than anything.

“She never cared,” he mumbled into his elbow. Then before anyone could say anything, he beat them to it, “I’m the biggest idiot who ever lived.”

“Yeah pretty much–”

“May,” Minxi scolded. “Come on, you’re being too mean.”

“He’s the one who said it!”

“You’re not the biggest idiot,” Minxi argued. “Just a medium idiot. I don’t know if May’s right but I wouldn’t be surprised either. You two were always something special and it was really sweet but it did seem like she had started to resent your behavior more. But no one could say anything about it either, she was so protective of you and your lifestyle and everything, like you could do no wrong. I was glad when she met Hoseok because she seems so happy with him.”

“Oh yeah, Minx, that was way better,” May laughed. 

Jungkook sat up with a sigh. Looking back, he couldn’t pinpoint times, but yeah, Minxi might be right about that too. Not that he and Alex fought a lot but it seemed like they argued more –like about the wedding.

“It’s ok,” Jungkook assured her. “I get it. I fucked up.”

“Ok then my last question is, what are you doing about it? Why did you give up so easily?”

“Because I was being an asshole,” he immediately answered. “I wanted her to break up with Hoseok but –yeah, it was a bad look. I didn’t give up, but I told her how I feel and now I’m giving her the space she wants. She knows where to find me if she changes her mind.”

“Good boy,” Anita smiled and patted his hand. He rolled his eyes.

“Ok well I can’t argue with Minxi, she does seem pretty happy with Hoseok and you were an idiot, but I think you’ve proven by now that making her jealous doesn’t motivate her so if that’s what you were trying to do with people thinking you’re dating–”

“That’s not it,” Jungkook insisted. “I’m not playing a game. I don’t know why anyone thinks I’m suddenly dating. I can have a friend I don’t want to date!”

“Like Alex?” Anita suggested, then covered her mouth and laughed, “Sorry! It was too perfect not to say.”

“Shut up…”

“I’m not saying hound her. I don’t know why my sister does the things she does or makes the choices she makes, maybe she’s made her choice and she’s happy with it,” May admitted, with a shrug. “She’s always been weird, I don’t know. I just mean, she’s really stubborn and you put her in a bad situation to have to change her mind, so just make it easy. I don’t know, she’s grumpy this week, maybe just send her a nice no-pressure thing to remind her you exist…”

“Is she fighting with Hoseok?” Jungkook asked, trying not to sound eager.

“Ok I really don’t know. You are the person she talked to most about anything going on in her life. Who’s replaced you? I don’t think anyone has,” May admitted. “Hoseok? I don’t know. I don’t know what to make of that guy. He’s nice but…”

“Ooh are you going to trash talk the boyfriend?” Anita gasped.

“No, don’t do that,” Jungkook insisted. “I don’t want to hear it. Forget I asked.”

“All right.”

They sipped drinks for a minute. Jungkook’s mind was humming but also completely tripped up. Don’t harass her but make it easy on her… to change her mind? To choose him instead of Hoseok? That’s what he was trying to do, but she was avoiding him! The only time he’d seen her at all was when he just happened to be at the phone store –granted, he was avoiding any friend gathering she might go to after she missed the birthday party because he didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t go. But there hadn’t been much. 

Ok. He’d think about this… once he was past the shock of it. Of May saying Alex might have been in love with him while he just brutalized her heart basically –not about May being gay and dating Minxi, he was already over that, that was so much less important. 

May laughed again and shook her head, “Can’t believe you’re just dumb… gay would have been a better explanation.”

“Ok, May, thanks.”

“Look everyone else might be dancing around this whole thing but I’ll always give it to you straight.”

“Speaking of giving it–”

“Don’t make a crude joke–”

“I think you should give your sister a chance,” Jungkook suggested. “Even if you aren’t ready to be totally out, you know she’ll love and support you, yeah? And she’s good to have in your corner, if you’re really worried about your parents.”

“Yeah. She is. I know.”

“That was unusually nice for you to admit–”

Minxi interrupted, “Ok Anita, it's your turn, let’s hear what’s going on with you and this woman who opened your eyes. She was really that good?”

“Ok she’s not that good,” Jungkook snorted.

“You already knew you were straight so how do you know?”

“Ok ok sorry, carry on.”

“Wait, you fucked this woman too?” May asked, suddenly looking more interested. “Minxi, did you fuck her?! Who owns this magical pussy?”

Minxi just closed her eyes and shook her head which Jungkook thought summed up this Tuesday night very well.

In a pure coincidence, Alex had already heard the news, because she followed a link to a funny tweet from a Buzzfeed article and it refreshed her Twitter feed that she didn’t check ever anymore and one of the top Tweets in her timeline was from the arcade with the big announcement: We will be closing our doors on November 5. Come redeem your tickets while you can!

It was like a lightning bolt to the face from the gods. She was struck dumb by this tweet and the combined knowledge that Jungkook had tickets to spend, that he wouldn’t have enough to get the prizes he wanted because they’d stopped going to the arcade, that he had bought a dog and then she’d promptly friend-dumped him, and that after November 5th the opportunity to ever reconcile and finish earning those tickets together and buy the Slushee machine for their shared apartment would be truly and completely lost forever. This felt decidedly more final than the fact that neither of them lived in that apartment anymore. For all she knew, he’d junked the dog. 

The tweet left her immobilized in bed for some time. Should she text him? Should she let it go? Maybe he hadn’t seen. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe the arcade wasn’t anything important to him now. If he was dating Anita, maybe he didn’t even play games– ok, no, he definitely still played games. She could see him dating Anita and living life without Alex but video games were in his deep heart, he’d never give those up completely. But it didn’t mean he cared about the arcade. Or maybe he just didn’t know. Maybe she’d text him about it and he’d be like yeah we should go and say goodbye. But was that bad? 

Alex sat up in bed. Should they do that? Go say goodbye to the arcade? No, because it was an important thing about their friendship but yes, too, right? She didn’t hate Jungkook. He didn’t hate her. Their friendship was a precious thing to her and this was the death of a mutual friend and they should be able to bid that friend farewell without it being an issue. She’d just text him. She’d see what he said and if he didn’t care maybe she’d still just, like, drive by on her own or something and wave at the building.

Oh god that was so sad. It was so sad that the arcade was closing. Even though she hadn’t been in months now, that was so fucking sad for it to be done.

She pressed her phone to her mouth and debated. What if Jungkook read into it too much? How could she say they should say farewell without making it sound like she was looking for something more? Or what if he wanted to bring Anita? She’d be hurt. She wasn’t going to bring Hoseok. Wait, should she take Hoseok? Double date repeat?

Her phone buzzed against her mouth.

[JK]: hey arcade is closing down on the 5th

He beat her to it! Alex’s heart leapt into her throat as she jerked backwards against the pillows and texted back, thumbs tapping furiously against her phone.

[Alex]: I just saw the news!! How sad!!!

[Alex]: guess they couldn’t stay afloat when hot girl [me] stopped going

[JK]: the fact you clarified 

[JK]: you barely spent any money there

[JK]: I was funding that place!

[Alex]: hope you can live with the blood on your hands

As soon as she sent it, she realized the fucked up implications though. He stopped going because she left. It wasn’t really his fault, it was hers, and the fact he hadn’t simply been taking Anita or some other girl instead of her barely soothed the awkward thing she’d just poked her finger in.

[JK]: actually I want to return to the scene of the crime one last time and get my fucking slushee machine

[Alex]: 😱

[Alex]: do you even have enough tickets? Sure Namjoon is stoked for a slushee machine

Ok. Ok fine she was fishing. A nauseating fear seized her chest as she found herself deadlocked. She should ask. She should be the one to suggest it. But suggesting it… was it a bad idea? How would she explain to Hoseok that actually she was going to go hang out with Jungkook after all… just this one time… 

[JK]: I’m close on tickets

[JK]: I’m going there that night to earn the rest and get it 

Oh my god just ask me… should I ask?... I should just ask it’s not a big deal…

[JK]: let me know if you want to meet up for one last arcade night 

[JK]: if not it’s cool maybe I’ll still let you have a slushee next time you’re at Namjoon’s

[Alex]: Namjoon’s? Isn’t it your place too now that you live there?

[Alex]: but yeah, ok I’ll go

He put a thumbs up on her message but didn’t respond, which was fine with her because her heart was hammering in her chest like she was doing something wrong. But she wasn’t! This was a unique thing! Going to play games with him and say goodbye to the arcade would just be a temporary break in the space, like a truce between warring mob families because the pizza place they both loved and warred over burned to the ground. 

Oh god, she couldn’t make it make sense. She had to just lay there in bed and breathe for a moment because a weird clashing of excitement and terror seized her. And it made no sense! It was just going to the arcade with Jungkook! Her friend of forever! The guy she’d practically pissed herself over running into at the mall and now she was already figuring out what to wear that would make her look happy and cool but not too cool that he’d think she changed into a different person or had thought too much about what to wear.

Ok. No, this was fine. It was normal to be relieved and happy to get to hang out with a friend you’d had a major falling out with but hoped to have a low key friendship again with someday! And she had loved going to the arcade with him so it would be fun. And maybe once they could re-establish contact, she wouldn’t have to miss him so damn much, because she could just check in when she needed to. It was cool. Everything was cool.

Everything was not cool. Alex stood by the counter, arms crossed, simmering with annoyance as Hoseok stood by the oven, looking exactly the same.

“I told you about this party weeks ago,” Hoseok argued. 

“But you didn’t tell me what day it was,” Alex argued. 

“I did, I told you the fifth and you said you’d go–”

“No, you just said in November,” Alex insisted. “And I do want to go with you but I didn’t know it was that day and I have other plans now– you have to tell me the date and then I put it on my calendar immediately.”

But he hadn’t told her the date, she was so sure. Like 95% sure! She would have put it on her calendar. She did remember him telling her about the housewarming party in general –for a college friend of his who was moving to the area, but not quite this area, about an hour away. They’d bought a whole farmhouse or something because that’s what you could do when you inherited money. 

But he hadn’t told her the date and so the only thing she had planned for the fifth was the last night of the arcade with Jungkook. But now, three days out, Hoseok had mentioned he bought wine and flowers for them to take, and she had asked “to what?” and now they were all tangled up.

“I did tell you.”

“You didn’t! But– ok but whether you did or didn’t, I still have these other plans that night.” She presented that in the futile hopes he’d just be like ah ok yes I understand, we shall convene another night!

Instead he asked the question she had hoped to gracefully avoid, “What other plans? Can you move them?”

“No, it has to be that night, I don’t control it–”

“Ok but… Alex, this is really important to me. What’s this other thing that’s so much more important?”

“I know you want me there but what’s so important about your thing?” she demanded. “It’s just a housewarming, right? You can go without me and I’ll meet your friends another time!”

“But you told me you’d go!” Hoseok frowned. “I told them you’d go. It’s all my friends from college in one place, that never happens.”

“I get it but it’s just a party.”

“But it’s important to me and you told me you’d go and you won’t even tell me this other thing that’s more important to you.”

Well shit. She definitely couldn’t tell him now that this other thing was going to the arcade for an evening with Jungkook. Not only would it reveal she’d planned this without telling him (she shouldn’t have to! …right?) but also that she was avoiding telling him and that it was more important to her than meeting his college friends.

It just was! She shouldn’t have to explain that. The arcade had been a really constant fun part of her friendship and it was going away and sure maybe they could go on the 4th or the 3rd or something but Jungkook had asked her to go on the 5th. It was the last night. It was meaningful! It was important to her! 

“Well?” he demanded. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s a family thing…”

“A family thing?”

“Yeah like a private thing to honor the anniversary of my grandmother dying…”

Oh shit. She was going to hell. But the lie slid off her tongue without anything to grab onto to hold it back.

“So I can’t move it.”

Hoseok looked crestfallen and she realized she’d won. Obviously he couldn’t insist that a housewarming party for his friends was more important than a private memorial service for her dead grandmother.

She hated herself a little in that moment but she couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t think about the ramifications of when that lie would come out. She just stood there with panic trapped behind her teeth as he mulled this over. Victory didn’t feel good.

“Well… ok what if we went to my friends’ house earlier in the day?” he asked. “What time is your family thing?”

“Seven.” She made that up. Maybe she should have said earlier. How long did Jungkook need to earn his tickets? “But I have to get ready too.”

Suddenly Hoseok reanimated, “Oh, not until the evening though? Ok well they’re doing an all day thing because it’s a whole barn and stuff. We can just go earlier!”

“Isn’t it a party?”

“Yeah but it’s kind of a reunion thing, it’s not just a drinking party like your friends have.”

Alex choked on a bit of a saliva. Just a drinking party.

Hoseok didn’t notice and continued, “They have horses we can ride and like a bunch of animals, and they converted the barn into an art gallery–”

“I thought they just bought this place?”

“No no they bought it and paid to have it restored and they’re just now moving in. Ah, ok, this can still work. Is that ok?”

“It’s an hour away, isn’t it? I have to be back in time.”

“Yeah, no problem. We can go– I’ll check with them but we can go for lunch and the afternoon and then I’ll bring you home in time to get ready for your family thing.”

Realizing he might fish for an invitation to a thing that wasn’t happening, and also because she felt guiltier by the second about her lie, she suggested, “Ok but I feel bad for you to miss the evening. I could just drive myself and come back early.”

“No no I can use you as an excuse, I’m sure I’ll be ready to go too, and I’d rather leave together.”

She didn’t understand why. She didn’t understand why this was so important, but trapped now by her own lies, she felt consumed with guilt and didn’t want to argue with him further. Her conscience could rest easier with a compromise like this.

“Ok. Sure. As long as I’m back in time– yeah, we can make this work,” she said. “Ok?”

He nodded slowly. She felt that. It was uncomfortable to argue. They didn’t do that often. And part of her wondered if that was because usually she just went along with whatever. Now that her life had slimmed down, it wasn’t like their schedules were at odds. She rarely had anything going on. She was so eager to be part of his life and world and it pissed her off a little that the one time she had a schedule conflict he wanted to press her for details, as if she ought to defer to his judgment about her priorities!

“Yeah. Ok. Sorry I got spicy about it,” he said and shuffled close. “It’s just really important to me to have you there. I want you to meet all my friends.”

Usually Alex would have purred under the insinuation that he wanted to show her off. But when she already felt pissy and prickly, it didn’t quite hit the same. She had to force the smile. It was uncomfortable to swallow as she forced herself to reciprocate the hug she didn’t want. Maybe the pill wasn’t resentment or anger though, maybe it was guilt. Maybe she needed him to be the bad guy right now because holy shit she was hiding from her boyfriend that she was going to spend the evening with Jungkook and that was an asshole thing to do, wasn’t it?

And yet Alex did it.

Alex had definitely worn the wrong shoes for the farm but Hoseok had too. She loud laughed at the way he cringed every time they picked their way across the muddy farmyard to get to the barn or the firepit or the main house where food and music lured them as much as the shelter from the cold gray day.

But Hoseok’s college friends, it turned out, were made of sterner stuff. They teased Hoseok when he asked for wipes to clean his shoes off. They teased him when he didn’t want to drink. They teased him when he didn’t want to ride a horse. Every time Alex and Hoseok would start to get comfy inside, his friends would beckon them out again to feed the chickens or because everyone was talking about the new roof on the barn and they wanted Hoseok to see it too or because a new friend had arrived and they wanted everyone to return to the barn so that person could talk about the pieces of their art that hung there.

It was fun in the beginning. Alex felt special as the new girlfriend no one knew, and Hoseok was apparently very proud to have her with him, which felt good. She held onto his arm and stomped all over the place and giggle-whispered with Hoseok about the baby goats. She felt like she’d stepped into a different class of people, touristing with Hoseok, and there was camaraderie in that. She got a little prickly about the way they teased him but he didn’t seem to mind so she just squeezed his hand and went along with it.

“Are you going to open this place like a museum?” Alex had foolishly asked while trying to sound really interested and knowledgeable while staring at avant garde art (was that the right word?) hung on the walls of the barn so modernized on the inside she wasn’t sure you could really call it a barn anymore. The question set off a cavalcade of information about non-profits and working farms and private versus public art. Alex had been shocked by the way this group of people seemed all so closely woven. She’d been relieved when Hoseok wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, but also confused as to how exactly Hoseok fit in with these people.

“So how did you all know each other in school?” she asked Hoseok later as they huddled close by the fire. It was a little too cold for the fire to be fun, but Hoseok had asked if she wanted to and she thought that meant he did so there they were with a few others. By now there were several dozen people roaming the place and she had hoped it would be a little less intense than the hours of acting as a welcoming party that had started the day.

She meant the question just for him but wound up with another earful from the other people around the fire who had apparently eavesdropped and eagerly dumped overlapping stories out as Hoseok tried to get a word in edgewise. Eventually she teased out that Hoseok had been roommates with a few of them, and danced with a few others.

“You quit though after college, right?” one guy asked Hoseok. Alex had given up on remembering their names because most of them had nicknames too so it was impossible to know who anyone was talking about. Also she was cold. And also the sun was starting to go down and that vague antsy feeling she’d had all afternoon about making it home in time was starting to get louder.

She wasn’t too distracted to miss the way another guy kind of scoffed, “Yeah you know it’s not a life that most people are cut out for.”

“Oh, did you tell them you’ve been dancing again?” she asked.

Hoseok shifted uncomfortably in the chair they were wedged into together and grinned, “Oh well that’s not really anything– just starting to get back into it. I miss it, you know? I’m very out of shape…” There was something in his voice Alex found curious but she didn’t press it because one of the girls had just asked her a question.

“How did you two meet again?”

“Work.”

“Where do you work?”

“Starbucks,” Alex answered.

“Oh. Corporate?”

“I was for a while but now I’m an assistant manager. I like being more hands on with a coffee shop,” Hoseok answered. “What about you, what are you doing?”

Alex butted in to clarify, “I’m just a barista.”

Hoseok looked surprised by her defensive tone, but she felt like he’d just tried to hide that she was nothing very ambitious.

“Yeah, you’re great at your job. She’s a shift supervisor. One of the best we’ve got –not at my store though, unfortunately. Then we wouldn’t be able to date so I took the hit professionally,” he chuckled.

Ok, maybe he hadn’t tried to hide it.

“It’s cold, can we go inside and warm up for a little bit?”

“Just sit closer to the fire,” one of the other girls suggested. But the smoke was way too thick for that and all the fire really did was make her face burn and leave her ass cold. 

“You’re a city kid, huh?” another unimportant person joked and Alex didn’t appreciate the laugh, or the way Hoseok squeezed her shoulders and agreed, “Yeah.” As if he wasn’t?!

“It’s great to see Hobi in his natural element,” Alex smiled brightly at him. Hoseok’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in and kissed her cheek, laughing as if she’d just meant it as a playful joke. Maybe it would have been playful half an hour ago when she could still feel her nose. “We should probably get going soon though,” she commented, checking her phone. She’d asked to be home by six and it was four now but they could hit traffic.

“Soon,” Hoseok agreed. “Hey, Chris, whatever happened to that dance startup you were so excited about? Is that a sore subject?”

“Soon” apparently meant different things to Hoseok and Alex. Or maybe it was just that every minute seemed to drag worse for her. She wanted to think the stories from college were funny because this was a glimpse into Hoseok’s history she’d never had before, but the stories actually weren’t very funny. Hoseok cleaning a shared suite where it was obvious no one else had helped or appreciated his efforts. Hoseok drunk too quick at parties and left passed out various places as if that was some funny joke. Hoseok failing a test because he’d spent all night designated driving friends and then been such a “good friend” he didn’t rat them out to the professor. Hoseok working his ass off to fill in last minute for a space in their dance crew at a competition, and there was just something in the way they talked about it that made her uncomfortable, “yeah you were crazy motivated, we knew we could give you anything and you’d learn it or die trying.” He was an incredibly motivated person!

And honestly these people were kinda assholes! Whatever novelty had existed in the beginning wore off completely and Alex realized that these college friends of Hoseok’s were nothing more than bullying assholes. It was easy to see now how eager he had probably been in college to maintain these friendships, and how eager he was now to still impress these people who didn’t deserve his effort to impress. 

Something to talk about another day, though, because it was time to go.

“Hey, we should head out in case we hit traffic,” Alex said at 4:30. Hoseok checked his watch and nodded, “Ok yeah after this story.”

At 4:45 she went to the bathroom and grabbed Hoseok’s arm and insisted, “Ok, time to go.”

“Sure one sec, let me help –hey, do you need help carrying that inside before it rains?” he called and darted forward to help Madelynn, one of the women who owned the farm. Alex was not actually sure how many people lived here.

Holy shit, was this a cult?

The question still lingered on her tongue when at five she tried to pull Hoseok away again, reminding him, “I need to be back by six to get ready. Can we leave the compound now?”

“The compound? What?”

“Let’s say goodbye, we need to go.”

“Hey Hobi, come look, Riley brought a video of Regionals and you’re in it, we’re putting it on now!’

“Wah, let’s look,” Hoseok pleaded, grabbing her arm. “I want you to see the way I danced in college.”

“Can’t we just watch it another time?”

“I don’t have it, come on, it’ll only take a minute!” He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the house.

Twenty minutes.

Now Alex was starting to get pissed, and pulled him aside to point out, “We need to get going. You don’t even have your coat on. I’m already late to get ready and if we run into traffic–”

“We won’t, there’s not traffic back to the city this time of night.”

“But I’m already going to have less time to get ready.”

“Ok, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, and kissed her forehead. “Let me say bye and we’ll go.”

He meant bye to everyone. It meant stomping back out to the barn and the campfire and through the living room again and getting distracted by the video on the TV.

“Hoseok,” she hissed. “Let’s go.”

It had been too loud. People looked over, and Hoseok got red in the face as he frowned, “Ok, sorry, we’re going. You’re ready?”

“Yes,” she murmured, embarrassed. She didn’t bother waving as they found their way out to the car. But Hoseok stepped in dog shit on the way and had to go back for wipes so he could clean it off before he’d get in the car, while Alex sat in the passenger’s seat fuming.

“Ok,” he finally said, overly cheerful. It thudded to the ground. “Time to go.”

“It was time to go an hour ago,” she pointed out.

“We’ll get home quick–”

“It’s already almost six! We still have an hour to drive!” she pointed out. 

“Ok, sorry, you can tell your family it was my fault–”

“Just drive, please,” she said, and pulled out her phone and texted.

[Alex]: hey may be running late, got stuck at another thing

[JK]: k I’m already here

What! She scrolled up to check but they hadn’t ever agreed on a time. She’d assumed seven because… because why?

[Alex]: I’m like an hour away

[JK]: it’s cool I wanted to make sure I have time to get enough tickets so I got here early 

Alex appreciated his chill. It was fine. It was fine if she was late to meet Jungkook, there wasn’t a hard timeline, they were just going to play some games and buy a slushie machine and wave goodbye to a building. It was annoying Hoseok had dragged his feet about leaving but she didn’t actually need an hour to get ready to meet Jungkook. She planned to just change clothes and go and she’d already laid everything out. Worst case scenario she could just wear what she was wearing and go right to the arcade. Yeah, maybe she’d do that, because the knowledge that Jungkook was already there made her twitch impatiently in her seat like she was already late.

“Ah, is your family going to be mad at me?” Hoseok asked. “Sorry. Sorry. Do you want me just to drive you straight home and you can get your car later?”

“No, it’s fine. Just focus on driving please.”

An awkward silence ballooned.

“Hey, um… thanks for going with me. I know it’s a big day for you. I’m sorry I kind of lost track of time.”

“How could you lose track of time while I kept harassing you about it?”

He laughed, maybe a little forced, “You know I’m just social. I thought you liked that about me!” 

She frowned harder. She did. Usually. 

“I do but you knew I had to leave at a certain time.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just get carried away with– I haven’t seen these people in so long. It’s so strange, I feel like I’m right back in college with them.”

“Yeah but is that a good thing?” Alex asked. “They’re assholes.”

“Uh… huh?”

Fuck.

Her bad temper was making her too blunt, so she tried to explain, “I just didn’t think they treated you very well. All their stories were about you working really hard and them not appreciating it.”

“No no, that’s just how they were in college, you know? I was kind of odd. I’m still kind of odd!” he laughed.

“No, you’re great,” she insisted, even while secretly angry with him. Or, well, not so secretly. “I just don’t think they talked very nice to you. You drove all this way and they didn’t seem genuinely interested in you at all, they just wanted to show off their art.”

“They were interested in me…”

“And I think they were judgy about me just being a barista–”

“They weren’t, Alex. Why would they be? Your job is fine!”

“Yeah, ‘fine’ is probably what they thought– why is traffic so slow?” she demanded and began to take her coat off because it was too hot in the car. The slow down had been obvious though, a sea of red brake lights blocking them to a stop.

“Must be an accident,” Hoseok mumbled. His mouth curved downwards. Alex resisted saying anything about it, just looked nervously at the red lights and tried to crane her neck to see how much further it stretched.

For a few minutes the car was painfully tense. Alex’s stomach hurt with the restless frustration. Late. Late late late. Jungkook was already at the arcade and she still had to get her car and get there to meet him. And there would be no rain check. It was tonight or never.

Finally the cars started to move again. Alex let out a sigh of relief and settled back in her chair.

“I’m sorry you didn’t like my college friends,” Hoseok said, cracking the thin peace wide open. “They liked you.”

“I don’t think they did but I’m surprised… you really don’t have an issue with how they treated you?”

“No, Alex, they’re just old friends.”

“That doesn’t give them the right. You just see the good in people too much I guess.”

“Yeah well you too,” he retorted. 

She wasn’t used to retorts from Hoseok.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he sighed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything. I appreciate that you came all the way out here with me today and I’m sorry you didn’t have fun.”

The way he said it made her feel guilty, like she’d only half done what she was supposed to do, like she ought to have just relished the way these college friends were kind of judgmental and rude.

“I thought you’d appreciate that I’m protective of you,” she huffed at him and turned away to chew on her thumbnail which she did not usually do. 

“There’s a difference between being protective of me and not wanting to be there.”

“I obviously wanted to be there or I wouldn’t have gone even though it’s making me late for my own plans. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re mad at me that I didn’t like watching college friends bully you for six hours–”

“It wasn’t six hours.”

“We got there at one–”

“Yeah that’s not–”

“And we left at nearly six–”

“That’s only five–”

“Does that one hour really make a difference?!” she cried. She covered her face. “Just… drive…”

“I am driving, as fast as I can, but I’m not going to get into a wreck. Your family would rather you be late and safe, I’m sure.”

“They would have preferred I be on time,” she argued. And felt the defensive rage prickled further because he kept mentioning her family like he knew she had told a lie and wanted to see how many times he could get her to tell it again. 

“Is this because I forgot to tell you I dated Angela for a little while–”

“No,” Alex assured him. “I don’t care at all about that, it was years ago.”

“I didn’t realize she’d even be here or I would have told you, but it really wasn’t anything important. We only dated for a few months and now she’s married.”

“I’m not bothered by it,” Alex said again and sincerely meant it. “What, you think I’m just being a jealous bitch right now? I really don’t care about meeting your ex-girlfriend. I’m proud of you for not marrying into that group–”

“You’re being mean–”

“You’re making me late!”

“So call your family! Put them on speaker phone right now and I’ll tell them it’s my fault and–”

“I don’t want my family to be mad at you!”

“I’ll make it up to them.”

“Just drive!” she pleaded and looked at her phone. 7:15.

Her stomach twisted with nausea. Her whole body was bouncing in the seat. She couldn’t look at the clock anymore, she couldn’t get there any faster, and she felt the wires inside her twisting almost to the point of breaking. She was supposed to be at the arcade with Jungkook fifteen minutes ago but Hoseok had made her go to that stupid cold dirty farm party with his asshole friends and now she was already late.

[Alex]: sorry traffic

[JK]: it’s cool

[JK]: they close at 9 tonight they just said

[Alex]: fuck

[Alex]: I’m hurrying

It was a lie. There was nothing she could do to hurry. She gritted her teeth before realizing she was chewing a hole in her cheek. She stopped that and tried to find a position in the seat that would make the car move faster. 

“Fuck.”

“What.”

Hoseok didn’t answer at first. He mumbled curses under his breath and pulled onto the exit ramp. 

“Hobi?”

“We’re um.. I’m going the wrong way–”

“What?!”

The rage and frustration left her incapable of speech at first. Probably that was for the best. He pulled over and checked directions on his phone and Alex seethed in her seat. He didn’t like to drive with his phone GPS on because he felt like it was distracting. He preferred to just memorize the route. He had a good memory. Usually that worked. 

But not fucking today!

He pulled back onto the highway going the other way and Alex thought she might vomit from the stress. She was going to miss it. She was going to miss the whole thing.

She pulled out her phone and did the math.

“How far in the wrong way did we go?” she demanded. 

“I’m going to drive faster. Make sure you’re buckled.”

“Hobi…”

The drive became very quiet after that. Alex had nothing to say. Occasionally she looked at her phone. Sometimes only two minutes had passed and that gave her hope. Other times it was longer. 

And then.

And then.

A loud popping sound made the car jerk and rattle. The cartoonish explosion of the tire was so obvious in an instant. Hoseok immediately pulled over to the shoulder and put the hazards on. Alex immediately burst into tears. And Hoseok did too.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m trying to get you home fast, I’m sorry I lost track of time.”

Alex just covered her face with her hands and cried, the stress rushing out on trembling breaths. She was going to miss the whole fucking thing. It was eight. They closed at nine. And now they had a flat tire. And her boyfriend was literally in tears, he felt so bad about it and she was literally a liar. 

Her tears actually helped though. They vented the anger that had been bubbling up higher and higher. They washed away the pressure because she’d missed it. It was over. There was no point trying to get there anymore and no need to try. The surrender took all the fight out of her.

“Do you have roadside assistance?” she managed to choke out through her tears. She sniffled. Hoseok nodded. She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Ok.”

She listened to the tremble in Hoseok’s voice as he made the call. She kept hold of his hand, trying to pull herself back to sanity. Ok. She’d missed it. That’s all there was to it. All this did was prove she had been right two months ago that she couldn’t do it all. She couldn’t have both. She’d had to choose and she’d made her choice and trying to go back wasn’t possible. 

“I lied to you,” she admitted quietly as they sat there waiting. “I don’t have a family thing tonight.”

“What?”

“The arcade I used to go to with Jungkook is closing. Tonight is the last night and I was supposed to meet him so we could finally cash in his tickets and say goodbye to the place.”

He didn’t respond at first. She was afraid to look at him but then curiosity overpowered her shame and she saw he just stared at the steering wheel. She waited for the yelling and the accusations and the anger.

Instead he asked, “Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“Because I didn’t want you to get upset I was going to see him again.”

“Alex… I never told you that you couldn’t see him. You’re the one who decided that.”

“Yeah but… it’s not that I really meant to hide it from you or anything but then you had this other party and I figured you wouldn’t understand why this was so important to me. Maybe you would just think I was going back on my word or something but it’s not about him, it’s about… it’s just that this arcade was really important to me for such a long time and…”

“I understand.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry you’re missing it. Tonight is the last night?”

“Yep.”

“What time does it close?”

“Nine.”

They looked the clock on the dash. 8:35. 

“Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

What else could either of them say? He hadn’t reacted badly even though she’d lied, which didn't give her any reason to puff up again. Instead it left her feeling stupid for not having been honest in the first place. 

“Can I ask you a question and you’ll tell me the truth?”

“Sure,” he agreed.

“If I had told you I wanted to skip the party to go to the arcade with Jungkook, would it have hurt your feelings?”

Hoseok’s mouth twitched was enough of an answer for her. He hesitated before turning to her in the dark car and admitting,

“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean I would have told you not to do it or anything.”

“Now you can just be relieved that my family isn’t upset. Just me.”

“Sorry.” But she knew he wasn’t really. Sorry she was upset, sure. But probably not sorry that he’d gotten to take her to the party and she wasn’t spending the evening with Jungkook after all. 

“It’s hard to lose things and people you really cared about,” she told him. 

“Even when they’re not what’s best for you anymore?” Hoseok asked.

“Didn’t you still want to impress your college friends?”

“Ah.” He sighed. “Yeah.”

They didn’t have to talk about it more because roadside assistance pulled up then. Instead Hoseok stood outside holding the flashlight while the man put the spare tire on. Hoseok made Alex stand over on the sidewalk under a streetlight because he was worried she’d get hit. In the meantime, she texted Jungkook.

[Alex]: flat tire I’m not going to make it

He didn’t respond. For all she knew, he didn’t even believe her. Jungkook was someone separate from her now. Maybe he thought she just had too much fun at the party with Hoseok and flaked. She hadn’t even told him she was at a party with Hoseok but she wasn’t thinking logically right now about things. She felt exhausted and disappointed by everything.

[Alex]: I’m really sorry I really wanted to be there

When he still didn’t respond, she gave up.

With the spare tire on, Hoseok had to drive extra slow. It was a blessing Alex had already called it because this would definitely have had her scratching holes in the roof of the car. Instead they were both very soft and quiet as Hoseok drove back to his apartment. He thanked her again and apologized again. 

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” she said. “And I’m sorry I was a brat about the thing today.”

“I understand. I hope you don’t feel like you have to lie to me ever again though.” Leave it to Hoseok to give her the easy way out. It didn’t make her feel any less shitty. As a punishment, she wasn’t getting her evening with Jungkook anyway. Maybe she would have if she’d told the truth. Or maybe Hoseok was overestimating himself right now and it would have been a fight a few days ago instead. But maybe if they’d fought a few days ago, she could have made it to the arcade, she could have just sped over when Jungkook admitted he was already there. 

Was that a shitty thing to think?

They hugged but it was an awkward goodbye. The night buzzed in her ears when she got into her own car to drive home. But the arcade drew her. Even though she’d missed the night, she felt the loss settle deep in her belly, and knew she at least wanted to drive by one more time and peer in the windows and wave. She felt like she deserved at least that.

The emotions of everything still had her overheated so she cracked her window to get some cool air in and stripped her coat off as she drove. Wouldn’t it be ironic to get into a wreck now? She felt wrecked by the day. Probably she was going to cry at the sight of the stupid building.

At 9:23 she pulled up in front of the closed arcade in the emptying parking lot. She grabbed her coat but just carried it over her arm and walked quickly through the parking lot. The cold air felt good, hopefully it was settling her flush. She knew her eyes were swollen.

Jungkook sat on the curb under the street lamp like a delinquent, a box and a bag beside him.

“Oh hey,” he greeted and pushed up, like he’d been waiting for her.

“What are you still doing here!?” she demanded. “I told you I couldn’t make it! We got a flat tire–”

“Phone died,” he admitted with a crooked grin. “I thought you might not be going to make it but figured I’d wait a while, just in case– woooah, hey.”

She started to cry.

“I tried really hard to make it,” she sobbed, crumbling under the weight of the day. “We were at a house party like an hour away and Hobi took forever to leave and then there was traffic and we went the wrong way probably because I kept yelling at him and then we got a flat tire and–”

“Yeah but you still made it,” Jungkook said stupidly as he pulled her into a hug. Or maybe he hadn’t been doing that, and just reacted to her collapsing against him. She couldn’t tell. She didn’t care. His arms were around her and for a moment it really did feel like it was ok, or at least over, she could just vent about it now. The worst was passed.

She whined, “I didn’t make it. We didn’t get to play anything or eat mall pizza and I didn’t even get to see you finally buy your shit. Did you get it?”

“Ah, yeah, come look,” he said, dragging her over with his arm around her shoulder. “I got the Slushie maker! And I had enough to get all this little shit. Figured I’ll pull something out when I need to pretend I was just here,” he joked, opening the plastic bag so she could peer in. It was all foam dice, sparkly pens, plastic topics, finger puppets, and Tootsie Rolls. “They were generous with the ticket costs,” he laughed. “Here.” He pulled out a slap bracelet and smacked it down on her wrist. The sharp edges hurt the exposed skin.

“Ouch,” she said calmly and then laughed at his surprised look.

“It hurt?!”

“I think it slit my wrist. Now we know why they’re closing. Slap bracelet lawsuits.”

He laughed, then saw something over her shoulder and shoved the bag at her, “Here, wait. Hey!” He ran to the door and leaned against it and knocked. She could tell from afar that he’d just cranked his charm up to a hundred, she could recognize it just in his posture. 

The lights from inside illuminated the cracked door, but she couldn’t see who was through it. 

He came running back, motioning, “Ok, let’s go. We get one game.”

“What?”

“One game of air hockey.”

“What? They’ll let us play–”

“Yeah, one game.” He yanked up the box and her coat she’d let drop, leaving her only the bag of goodies and an expression of confusion as she turned to follow him in.

“Tylerrrr,” Jungkook grinned at their favorite tired employee as he let them in. “I owe you.”

“Yeah a hundred bucks.”

“Dude let us play our game first.”

“Thanks Tyler,” Alex beamed at him, wishing her smile was nearly powerful enough to convey her gratitude.

It was eerie being inside with most of the machines already turned off and the overhead lights on instead of the muted wall lights The prize wall was already stripped down after the last night of trades. The carpet looked dirtier than ever under the bright lights, and the lack of people definitely made it feel like a ghost town.

Jungkook led her right over to the air hockey table, which still had lights on. 

“I don’t have my card,” Alex realized.

“I think I’ve got enough.”

He did. The sound of the air whirring to life made Alex’s stomach flip. She sniffled.

“I haven’t even wiped the dirt with you and you’re already in tears?” Jungkook taunted. Alex held her hand over the tiny prickles of air and laughed.

“You fucking wish.”

Alex had the puck to start with but Jungkook blocked her shot.

“You’re rusty.”

He tried to hit the puck but managed to somehow just slide his mallet across it. They both laughed.

“I think you have us confused,” she teased.

He hit it and it bounced to the side. She hit it back, but not full force. He bounced it back. The arhythmic clicks of the mallets and the tink of the puck hitting the walls worked a magic in Alex. She felt herself finally thawing from the long day. The noise, the feeling, the smell of this place was all so achingly familiar. 

Jungkook’s empty-eyed concentration, the way his mouth hung open slightly as he tried to time his mallet right to intercept the puck, also achingly familiar. It distracted her long enough he managed to slide the puck into her goal with a poor defense from her.

“Really rusty.”

“Shut up, I’m just warming up.”

“Only one game!” Tyler shouted from somewhere out of sight.

“Shut up, Tyler!” Alex shouted back. 

Jungkook laughed, “He’s so excited to never be bullied by you again.”

“I’ve never bullied him! Tyler is a national treasure!”

Jungkook squashed the puck against the wall and it went flipping through the air. They laughed about it like small delighted children.

The tear tracks evaporated as the taunting picked up. Never quite to what it once was, but enough that Alex felt the disappointment of the day slide away. They shouted as they sent the puck soaring again. Jungkook whined when she shot it straight into his goal because he’d bought the fake out and gone the wrong way. She relished in his tiny noise of frustration.

But Alex held back from prompting it again. She didn’t want the game to end so quickly. And when they came to the last tie-breaking goal way longer than it should have taken, she realized he had been too. They bounced the puck back and forth, the click of it taking on a more melancholy pace. 

“Sorry I cried on you earlier,” she mumbled over the whir of the machine. “It was a long day.”

“Yeah, sounds like it. Everything ok in general?”

“Yep. Fine. I mean… I miss you, don’t take that the wrong way.”

“Yeah I know,” he snorted. “What’s not to miss?”

“What about you? Are you doing ok? Namjoon treating you well?”

He laughed with his nod, “Yeah. His place is pretty fucking sweet but he’s got a lot of rules.”

“So do my parents.”

“I’m going to start calling him Eomma Kim, I wonder how that will go–”

“Oh my god please don’t be homeless.”

“Ok I do have parents too, Alex,” he scoffed. “But I figured I shouldn’t move in with them right down the street when you were trying to get away from me.” He started really laughing, like he’d thought about it before but now it was suddenly the funniest thing he’d ever considered.

“What? No…. no,” she frowned. “Don’t say it like that!”

His laughter faded out with, “Ok.”

The puck had slowed down with neither of them exerting effort. It came to a stop in the middle of the table.

And then the air stopped.

“Tyler!” they both shouted, looking over where he’d stepped on the extension cord button.

“I gave you the game, you can’t stay here all night. I want to go home!”

“But it’s your last night! Won’t you miss this place?” Alex teased.

“Like a foot in my ass. Who won the last game?”

“It was a draw,” Jungkook said.

“But I would have won,” Alex added. “If I was trying.”

“Only if I let you win.”

“Uh, big talk for the dude who can’t score without my help.”

“I have scored plenty without your help.”

“Wait, what are we talking about?” she demanded, eyes narrowing. And for a moment she was transported backwards to a time where Jungkook scored all the time with every woman in sight and Alex laughed and teased because it sure beat crying about it. Eventually you got used to that kind of hurt, it turned out. Especially when you were funny and good at papering over your feelings with really funny jokes about your manwhore friend.

Except this time his eyes went wide as he cried, “I meant in air hockey!”

“Sure you did!”

“I did!”

“Take it outside, folks,” Tyler wearily sighed and gestured towards the door. It felt good to laugh their way out, bickering again whether Alex would have won or not. She was better at the game, but tired from a long day, and Jungkook suggested maybe he’d been hiding his true skills this time and Alex did not make the easy joke about “where were you hiding skills? With your alleged love?”

“Wait, let’s take a photo. I promise not to post it,” Jungkook said before they got very far away, lifting his phone. Alex agreed to it, stretching high while Jungkook crouched to be in the photo, the air hockey table and empty arcade behind them.

“Nice. Jungkook meets his Air Hockey Idol, that’s what that photo looks like.”

“You have no reason to let me win, you’re just masking,” Jungkook insisted as they walked.

“Uh, because I feel bad.”

“About breaking my heart?”

“About being late!” she screeched. “Jungkook! I did not!”

“Ok ok no, I know, it’s not your fault you were late,” he said, quickly changing the topic and she wondered if he regretted making that joke. It was very Jungkook to make a joke and then have to walk it back. He always took jokes too far. She did it too. Especially about things that were serious and scary. No wonder they never had a serious conversation about things until it was too late.

“It’s not,” she insisted. “It’s never my fault. I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.”

“I know. I know. Ok, here have another slap bracelet,” he said, digging one out of the bag and slapping it onto her other wrist.

“Ouch. That hurt again.”

“But you kinda liked it?”

“I didn’t kinda like it!” she insisted and tried half-heartedly to kick the back of his leg. Just like she used to.

Damn she missed this.

Maybe he thought it at the same time, because his expression shifted and they both got quiet for a moment.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he offered.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.”

She didn’t argue again. He walked her to the car. She accepted a fistful of candy and tossed her things into the passenger’s seat and congratulated him on the Slushie machine. 

“And thanks for messaging me about this. Sorry I missed most of it but I’m glad we got to say goodbye.”

“To the arcade,” he said quickly. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“Ok well you literally moved out of our apartment–” she joked.

“After you did! And I live with Namjoon, you know where to find me.”

She nodded and pursed her lips, then said, “Yeah, I know.”

“Ok. Well. Night, Alex. Thanks for one last game. Let me know if you ever want a Slushie.”

He waved, like they were friends in passing. She waved back but made it awkward and he laughed. His car wasn’t far and she watched from her driver’s seat to make sure he made it safely before she remembered to start her own car.

She hated that he’d said that. One last game. It wasn’t the last game of anything they’d ever play. It couldn’t be! She wouldn’t let it be. So what if they couldn’t go back to the way it was before? Could this really be enough? Just running into each other every couple of months? Making excuses to keep apart until something major happened?

But it had to be enough. That was the way a normal friendship worked anyway, right? You just saw each other sometimes and it was cool. And she had to be careful about it. Strict. She couldn’t let herself get carried away and try to read too much into why her heart was racing and it took her a few minutes to compose herself to drive because for a brief second the ugly too-bright parking lot lights had felt romantic. Or why the whole rotten day had ceased to matter when she found him sitting there on the curb, still waiting for her. Or why she had never wanted the hockey game to end. 

It was just missing a friend. She just missed her friend. She couldn’t go back to feeling more than that. She’d grown up and out of that. She could be normal about him again soon. This had been normal. Clearly he could be normal too.

She adjusted the slap bracelets on her wrists, kind of ok with the way they bit into her skin, and drove back to her parents’ house.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

[existentialintrovert]

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[ikeromantic]

Hi! If you have the time, can I request for a chevalier and child story?

Like, in Chevalier's route romantic ending, Emma left after spending night with Chevalier so what if she gave birth to a boy with his knowledge?

Oh my, so full disclosure, I have not done the romantic ending yet! But I like this idea so, here goes! Approx. 1500 words.

Sariel stood in the doorway. Behind him, the sky was clear and blue and perfect. Emma felt her eyes drifting to it. Anything to avoid the councilor’s severe expression. 

“I have to say, Emma. I’m impressed. The last Belle was not nearly so crafty as you have been. But you didn’t hide nearly well enough.” Sariel smiled coldly.

“I wasn’t hiding.” Emma’s eyes fixed on him, forcing herself to confront this head on. She’d always known this was bound to happen. “I left because, if you will remember, you wouldn’t allow me to stay. Clause 99.”

“Yes, but you should have told us you were with child.” He stepped into the hall, his boots thudding on the wood floor. “Where is he?”

She sighed. “I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left. By the time I realized it, I was scared to come forward. I knew you would take him from me, like you did Jin.” 

“Where is he, Emma?”

There were palace guards in the street behind Sariel. She could see them through the open door. There wasn’t a way for her to fight this, not with any hope of winning. “He’s out with his ‘uncle’ Rio. Buying groceries for dinner.”

Funny enough, Chevalier’s coloring was similar enough to Rio’s that most people assumed the boy was his child. And Rio, bless him, had stayed with her through everything, even knowing - as he must - that she didn’t love him. Emma was in love, would always be in love, with Chevalier. 

Sariel nodded. “I am glad you chose to be honest. We’ll wait here for them, then.” He sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and took off his gloves. “Could you fetch me some tea?”

Emma wanted to tell him to get his own tea. Back in the palace. But she’d been raised a polite girl, so instead she put on water to boil. The soldiers from outside filed in and stood awkwardly wherever they could find space. She served them all tea which they drank in tense silence.

“What is the boy’s name?” The councilor fixed Emma with a look that said he knew, but wanted her to tell him anyhow.

“Frederick.”

Sariel nodded thoughtfully. “A name meaning peaceful ruler. How . . . optimistic.” He set his teacup down.

Then the door opened. Rio had barely a heartbeat to note the soldiers. He locked eyes with Sariel and reached inside his vest with one hand. With the other, he pushed Frederick behind him. 

The little blonde boy didn’t look frightened as most children his age might. His hands curled into fists and his ice-blue eyes flashed with an understanding that surpassed his age. 

Emma screamed and moved toward her son. Around her, the room exploded into action. Sariel was shouting orders, the soldiers were pulling their weapons, and Rio was moving so fast. Soldiers fell as he passed them, but Emma barely noticed. She lifted Frederick into her arms and stepped toward the door. 

She didn’t make it far.

“Stop.” Chevalier’s voice cut through the din, arrogant. Commanding. 

She looked up at him, at the face she saw in her sweetest dreams. One she had not expected to see so close. Close enough to touch. 

His jaw was tense as he met her gaze. “Emma.”

Emma knelt, as all subjects must when in the presence of the King. She set Frederick on the floor beside her. He knelt too, imitating her as best as his chubby little legs could. 

“Get up,” Chevalier sighed. 

“Highness, there was no need for you to come here. I have it under-” Sariel was interrupted.

“Shut up, four-eyes.” Chevalier’s gaze moved to Rio. “I’m not here to hurt her. You can put your knives down. If you even have any left.”

“Knives?” Emma risked a glance behind her as she stood. She didn’t see any weapon in Rio’s hands, though there were several suspiciously bloody guards at his feet, groaning. 

Rio flashed her a goofy smile, but his eyes betrayed his tension. “Did you come to take the boy?”

Chevalier took a breath. Then he knelt and looked at his son. “Frederick.” This close, it was impossible not to see the resemblance. The arrogant tilt of the chin, the eyes as blue as arctic ice. Hair like cornsilk, fine and light.

The little boy nodded. He pointed a chubby finger at Chevalier. “Daddy.” 

There was a collective intake of breath. Then Chev laughed. A tired, uncertain chuckle. “Yes. I can see you are a smart fellow.”

“Yes.” Frederick nodded. 

Emma, as usual, could not read Chevalier’s reaction. She could have told him their son was a wunderkind. A boy too smart for his age. A boy that at three, could read as well as she, and did figures with Rio. That he understood context better than some adults, and could remember with frightening clarity. She wasn’t sure what any of that would mean to the King. 

Perhaps just more reason for them to take Frederick away from her. The thought made her feel cold inside. She looked down at Chev, her heart torn by conflict. Here was her lover. The man she’d given herself to, heart and soul. Here was the man that came to steal away her son. A man that rejected her love. A man she hadn’t seen for almost four years. 

As if sensing her gaze, Chevalier looked up. His gaze burned hot and blue, like banked coals. “Everyone out. Everyone but Emma and my . . . my son.” 

“Highness, in your position it is unwise to-”

“That was not a request, Sariel. Or is this the day you finally defy me openly?” Chevalier’s gaze did not shift, even as he addressed the councilor.

The soldiers filed out, helping their wounded brethren. Sariel did not say another word as he stepped out into the sunlit street, a world away. Rio was the last to leave. He gave Emma’s arm a gentle squeeze as if to promise her that he was still here, should she need him.

Then they were alone. Emma, Chevalier, and their child. 

“I can see you want to say something. Say it.” Chev’s voice was as flat and cold as always, belying the heat in his eyes.

Emma swallowed. “H-higness. I didn’t expect to . . . I didn’t think I would see you again. The clause -”

“We are alone. Call me by my name. Say it.”

“Chevalier.”

“Good.” He smiled. “Now, you aren’t Belle any longer. What does Clause 99 have to do with anything?” 

“I, well, Sariel told me I wasn’t allowed to ever contact you again. Or any of the princes.” She reached down to ruffle Frederick’s hair, worried about what he might take out of this exchange. “I expected Sariel or someone else to come for my son though. I’m surprised it took this long.”

Chevalier huffed. “I made sure you were hidden. This,” he gestured to the wrecked room, “I tried to avoid. But four-eyes sticks his nose into everything.”

“You hid us?” Emma couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice.

“What did you think, simpleton? That this house was simply luck? That your job landed in your lap like a gift? That never in four years did anyone from the palace cross your doorstep?” He sighed. 

That was exactly what Emma had thought. She’d gotten lucky. But knowing this, she had only one question. “Why?”

“You really don’t know?”

Though his tone was sharp, she detected in it an underlying note of need. Of desperation. 

He reached for her, the tips of his fingers brushed her jaw, across her lips. “You are such a fool.” Chevalier said it so tenderly, with such gentleness that the words seemed almost foreign.

“All this time, you knew where we were. Why didn’t you come to us?” Emma could not help but lean into his touch. Her skin thirsted for it as parched ground misses the rain.

Chev tilted his head. “I was waiting.”

“For us,” Frederick said helpfully. 

“Yes.”

Emma felt tears sting her eyes. In the years since she’d left the palace, she’d never once thought to return. Sariel had made clear any attempt would be punished with exile or worse. And then when she’d had Frederick . . . 

Chevalier’s thumb wiped away the first tear to spill. His calloused hands were clumsy as he pulled her to him. Too rough, too demanding, and yet this was the touch she craved. The warmth of his arms. The awkward way he stroked her back. The smell of vetiver and copper as she rested her cheek against his chest.

“It would have been better if you came back on your own.” Chevalier’s grip on her tightened. “But now that I have you again, I will not let you go. Not you, nor my son.”

“But Clause 99-”

Chevalier’s lips pressed against her head as he inhaled the scent of her. “I am King. I will let no clause take you from me again.”

She smiled through her tears. “I should have known you wouldn’t let something like that change your mind.” Emma stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to his cheek. “I love you.”

“You taught me what love is. There is no other I could give my heart to.” He let go of her with one arm to scoop Frederick up. “Let’s go home.”

[rowanaelinn]

Safe Place

rowaelin month day four : librairies @rowaelinscourt

warning: not descriptive nsfw content

Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius could be described as a calm male. Out of all his companions, he probably was the one with the most self-control and he thanked the Gods for it every time one of his friends said something stupid.

However, it didn’t apply when his wife was concerned. Around Aelin, Rowan’s self-control seemed to vanish. She had the ability to get him angry, to become a blushing mess or a soft idiot with just one sentence. There was no control around his mate and it was one of the reasons he loved her.

But when he woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed, Rowan lost the little human part he had in himself. Rowan lost all control the moment he smelled a lingering scent of fear. Her fear.

Has she been taken again?

Has it all been a dream? Had he not got her back?

In a second, Rowan was standing, knives at the ready around his waist. He would fight to get her back if he had to. Not having Aelin by his side made him feel like all the air in the world was gone.

Rowan wanted to yell at himself for falling asleep, he should have protected her.

In all the times her Fireheart was in danger, Rowan was never there to protect her. What a poor excuse of a husband and mate he was. He still didn't know why his queen was keeping him and hadn't already thrown him out. He was useless. Completely useless.

He kept complaining because of the royal duties, kept saying he liked being a prince just fine because it didn’t bring him any mess. His only role as King Consort, mate, and husband was to protect Aelin and he had shown the world how bad he was at it. Multiple times.

She wasn’t okay, he could feel her sadness from her side of the bond. Rowan felt like a prick for being relieved at the feeling of her emotions just because it meant she was still alive and not in a damn iron coffin that blocked every chance for them to communicate.

First, he came out of the royal apartments, following Aelin’s faint scent. She had become so damn good at hiding herself with her magic, a trick Fenrys taught all of them. It was a useful skill to have, Rowan was relieved most of the time no one could track her with her scent but he wasn’t tonight. Not when he needed to see her.

Thankfully with Aelin’s condition lately, her scent was stronger which meant she couldn’t cover up all of it. He refused to imagine she had been taken away until he had searched the entire castle twice. She had to be here, somewhere.

He went first to the kitchen, hoping to find her behind the counter, a plate with chocolate cake in front of her. She would look up, fork still in mouth and she would smile guiltily at him. She would apologize, saying she was always so hungry lately and he would shake it off, taking another fork and join her even if he hated cake. Just to show her she wasn’t alone.

But when he opened the door, the kitchen was empty, making Rowan’s heart clench.

Next, he went to the throne room, hoping to find her sitting on her throne, a sad smile on her face she would try to conceal with a smirk. He would ask her what she was doing here and she would tell him she needed to be alone and to feel in power, and what better than her throne to make her feel powerful? But this room was empty too, and Rowan’s heart crushed a little further.

Maybe she was in the inside cemetery, kneeling between both her parent’s graves. She would look up at him and wouldn’t try to hide her tears. She would have a smile on her face, telling him she needed to feel close to them. To be between the two of them without waking up with blood everywhere. Rowan would nod and sit behind her, letting her rest her back on his chest and he would let her cry bringing her all the comfort she needed. But she wasn’t here, and Rowan didn’t know where to look for her now.

If they were in Rifthold, he would probably think she was speaking to either Sam or Nehemia, telling both of them everything about what happened in their court since the last time she spoke to them.

But they weren’t in Adarlan so it left only one place where she could be. His walk to the library was slow, slower than he wished. He could just shift and fly instead of taking all the stairs but if she was there she would make fun of him for it, she had enough to tease him already.

When he arrived at the library, as always, he was dazzled by the splendor of the room. The last time the librarians counted, Aelin and Rowan owned three hundred thousand books and that was a decade ago, just after the construction work was finished.

Aelin had cried and laughed and smiled for hours when she first saw it, walking through all the sections to see every book, then made love to Rowan on the floor, more tenderly than they were both used to, to thank him.

As if seized by a frenzy, Rowan walked like a mad man through the library to find her. He regretted giving her something so big, having to look at every fucking row. There were so many places to hide.

After what seemed like hours, Roan saw familiar blonde hair. He let a sob come out in relief. She wasn't gone. There was no Valg Queen that had pulled her away from Rowan, no, his Fireheart was just sitting on a couch that looked very comfortable, six pillows behind her back.

"Rowan?" She asked, raising her eyes full of concern. "Is everything okay?" Her eyebrows were furrowed.

Instead of answering, he rushed to her side, falling onto her lap to be on the same level as her and scanning her entire body to make sure she was okay and truly in front of him.

His eyes fell on a small scar on her right knee, a scar she had made during one of their training sessions. He remembered kissing the mark every night for weeks when he noticed it after enjoying his wife's goddess body. He hadn't noticed that she was injured during their workout and he felt terrible about it.

Aelin kept telling him he was fussing, but he knew deep down she liked it. She loved to be cherished and protected. He dropped his head to her lap, unable to fight a sob. She put her book aside, sitting straighter and one of her hands found her way in his hair. Rowan hated himself for the tears streaming down his face as he looked up at her, he hated himself even more for the look of agony on his mate’s face.

“Speak to me, please.” She begged him, her hand still playing in his hair.

He swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice even and strong but he couldn’t. “I thought you were gone.” He breathed deeply, trying to calm down and focusing on where he touched her, his hands and arms on her legs. “I woke up to an empty bed and your fearful scent and I panicked.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Rowan.”

“You weren’t supposed to go anywhere either last time but you still did.” He hated the poisonous words the moment they felt his mouth but his mate didn’t seem hurt, knowing anger was his way to cope.  “I’m sorry,” He hid his face on her leg, not wanting to see her hurt face.

“Don’t be,” Was the only thing she said as she kept stroking his hair. She was too good to him, she had always been. She had known so much pain her entire life but she was still an amazing person, Rowan didn’t know how much strength it must take her. The Gods knew Rowan lacked that particular strength when the time had come, he had turned into the worst version of himself. He admired his Fireheart.

After a moment, Rowan looked back at her and she smiled, his entire world brightened at this. She was okay, she was right here with him. She was safe.

“How are you?” He asked, feeling selfish for crying when she was the one who had a nightmare.

“We’re both okay, Rowan.” She reassured him as her free hand came to rest on her slightly rounded belly. Rowan’s heart swelled at the sight, he still couldn’t believe it. After years, decades, of trying Azlin was pregnant. She had been glowing for the past four months, even if she said otherwise.

“Is she still kicking?” He asked, one of his hands joining Aelin’s.

“Your son is restless, I hope you slept enough in your life because he’s not going to let us sleep much once he’s here.”

Both Aelin and him had a divergence of opinion on their baby’s sex. Aelin was sure it was a boy, whereas Rowan believed it was a girl. A girl had been their oldest in the vision he had for months when Aelin was gone. It had been too realistic to be a dream, had felt too real.

Yrene knew and had asked them if they wanted to know, but both of them agreed they wanted to keep it secret. They had too many surprises in their lives and none of them had been good, but this one would be. No more surprises unless it’s a good one.

“She’ll be worth every sleepless night.” His lips turned into a smile at the idea of a little Aelin and Rowan.

Aelin snorted. “Wait until you have to change diapers.”

At that, Rowan laughed, soon followed by Aelin. When he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes, his smile faded. “What did you dream of?” He asked, needing to know why his wife had left their room after a nightmare instead of waking him up.

She lost her smile too, her body tenser than moments ago. “Nothing important.”

“Please, tell me.”

She took a deep breath and some time to answer. Rowan didn’t mind, he’d give her eternity if she needed as long as he knew what troubled his wife. He got up, lifted Aelin's legs so he could sit next to her, and then rested her legs on his while he caressed her thighs in comfort. “I was you.”

“With Maeve?”

She shook her head making his confusion grow. She had already told him about nightmares of him being taken on that beach, of him being whipped and tortured for months. He had held her as she cried, as she told him the pain of losing him would have been so much more than the pain she experienced all these months away from him.

“In Arobynn’s cave.” She whispered as tears pooled in her eyes. He wouldn’t take her in his arms, he would wait for her to do it first, no need to overwhelm her. “With your eyes missing, whole body destroyed and a cold body.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Fireheart…”

“Have you ever dreamed of me like that?” She asked and he knew she didn’t mean just dreams of her, dead.

“I did.” He admitted, his heart beating faster at the thought of it. “First in Wendlyn, when you left for Rifthold. Every time I closed my eyes I lived the day I found Lyria over and over again. But it wasn’t her small body that I saw, it was yours. It haunted me for months.” He took a deep breath, controlling his emotions. Aelin was crying, she didn’t need someone else to become a wreck. “Then when you told me you were pregnant, it started again.”

It happened more than he wanted to admit. He knew it wouldn’t happen, it was impossible, but he still could see her dead body in front of his destroyed mountain home.

Aelin didn’t say anything but she straddled him, his hands finding her waist as her fingers slipped through his hair. Her forehead came to rest on his as they both closed their eyes, enjoying each other’s company. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

His hand stroked her back, his fingers drawing the lines of his tattoo he knew by heart now. Every part of her body was written in his mind. “You were sleeping so peacefully, I know it’s rare lately.” Her warm hand cupped his cheek and he sighed in her embrace. “Whenever I don’t feel okay and you’re not around, I come here.”

“The library?”

“Or the theater if I feel like walking.” Which wasn’t a lot lately, his wife’s pregnancy was taking her so much energy they didn’t go to the theater in months. She was always so tired or in pain, he knew she missed it. “Whenever I’m here, I feel so close to you, as if part of your soul was here between these walls.”

His heart clenched at it, he lifted up his head, his lips settled gently on hers. He kissed her languidly, generously, putting as much love and passion as he could. He loved her so much he felt like dying. He would die without her.

Slowly, she began to unbutton his shirt, her tongue continuing to play with Rowan's. The kiss turned from passionate to needy. He needed the reassurance she was here, she was with him, and his mate knew it.

In a matter of moments, Rowan was shirtless and had pulled her nightgown over her head, revealing her naked body. Aelin had gained weight in the years since the war, her body that had once been too thin was now full. She had had a hard time adjusting, she had been starving most of her life. Even during her years with Arobynn, she was always under a strict diet to stay the best. She had never been in a stable enough place for her to thrive.

So when her flat stomach rounded out, thighs grew and cheeks filled out, it was a shock. Rowan had been there to worship her body day and night, reminding her that she was just living, and seeing her happy was the most beautiful thing Rowan had ever seen.

One of Rowan’s hands was teasing Aelin’s sensitive nipple, tearing little cries out of her perfect, delicate, lips. Her hands undid his buckle quickly as Rowan lifted his hips to slide his pants and underwear down, freeing his hard member.

Aelin didn’t waste time before taking him, her hand around him applying just the right amount of pressure. His hand slipped between her legs, directly finding her wet and warm entrance. They moaned together as Aelin’s hand movement quickened and Rowan plunged two fingers in her warmth, hitting that spot inside of her that made her scream every time.

As good as it was, Rowan craved something else, so when he groaned Aelin understood. He pulled out his fingers, bringing them to his mouth to taste her. No matter how many years had passed since the first time, Rowan kept being surprised at how good she tasted. He moaned around his fingers as Aelin teased her entrance with his erection before sinking down, making both of their heads drop back.

Being inside of her had always felt so good, had always felt so right, as if he had been born just to do this. Her belly prevented their chests from touching but Rowan didn’t mind as he ran his hands on every inch of her skin as she started moving.

Aelin kept bouncing slowly on top of him, taking her time as she chased her pleasure, and once again Rowan realized how much he loved her. His Fireheart, his mate, his wife, and his best friend.

He loved her so damn much and he told her so, repeated it over and over again as they both fell over the edge, gripping the other’s skin as they reached the peak of pleasure.

They were both breathless as he lifted her up, pulling out of her and he used his shirt to clean her up. He didn’t want to get dressed not yet, anyway. He lied on his side, tucking his Fireheart next to him. That way, every inch of his front could touch her back. One of his hands came to rest on her belly as he took her book, opening it to where she had left a bookmark.

“What are you doing?” She asked him, her voice sleepy. He used his magic to extinguish most of the candles in the bookstore, leaving only the ones behind him lit to give him some light. "Shhh." He said softly into her ear, moving slightly to be more comfortable, and pulled her even closer to him. "You don't have to come back to reality now."  He told her then began to read her book aloud.

He couldn’t see her but deep down, he left her smile as she put her hand against his, both of them holding their baby as they hugged each other.

Aelin fell asleep quickly but Rowan didn’t stop reading, even if after many hours his voice became hoarse and his throat hurt. But if his Fireheart heard him maybe she would know he was still here, even in her sleep.

—————

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy

[arrowflier]

Hi I don't have tumblr, so not sure how this works. Came across your blog though, and spent three days just reading everything you've written and reblogged. Such a fun three days! I have so many ideas for prompts, but the one I'm most curious about is what happens when Ian has a rough patch of mania maybe a couple years into their marriage and what kind of plans do Mickey and Ian have for either an upswing or a downswing of his bipolar? Thanks so much excited to see what you come up with!

Hi there! It's such a compliment that you went through my rambles, glad you're enjoying.💖 Standard disclaimer: everything I know about bipolar disorder comes from the internet. It's an important part of Ian that I want to be respectful of, so as always please let me know if I miss the mark.

Caring for your partner, Rule 1: Be There

When Mickey woke up, Ian wasn’t in bed.

That wasn’t terribly unusual in and of itself. What was unusual was that it was only 3AM, on a Saturday, and Mickey could already hear his husband moving outside their room. The footsteps outside the door were soft, restrained, like Ian didn’t want to wake him. But the following clatter in the kitchen was alarmingly loud as Ian opened the drawer under the oven to pull out a pan, and Mickey groaned.

He wanted to roll over, pull a pillow over his head, and block out whatever this was so he could go back to sleep. They’d been working long days, and sometimes longer nights as the dispensaries were all pulling overtime with increasing demand. They’d only made it to bed like two hours ago, for fuck’s sake, and Mickey was tired.

But Ian should have been tired too, and it was never a good sign when he wasn’t. So Mickey sat up with a sigh, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand, and swung his legs out of bed.

He winced when his bare feet touched the cold wooden floor. They had been here for almost a year already, and they still hadn’t gotten ‘round to buying a fucking rug for the bedroom.

Mickey shivered as he hopped awkwardly toward the closed bedroom door, grabbing his robe from a hook there and tugging it on over his thin shirt and the boxers he was pretty sure started out on Ian’s side of the dresser. Wrapping it closed, he slipped out the door and into the brightly lit hallway, squinting blearily as he followed the sound of pots and pans to the kitchen.

Ian had half their crockery out on the counter already. His red hair gleamed under the sharp light of the long fluorescent bulbs overhead as he stirred batter in a large bowl they had borrowed from Debbie last week and never given back, wooden spoon clanking against the sides erratically.

Erratically. That was a good word for it, Mickey thought. The mindless clink clink clink of wood on metal in no discernible pattern, just like the route Ian took around their table, to the counter, to the fridge, and back to the oven again. Mindless, pacing, random.

Mickey leaned against the wall, and watched.

They had talked about this, since the last time. At least, since the last time Mickey had been worried. When Ian was down, when he didn’t want to get up. When Mickey dragged him out on his first run and they talked afterward in the kitchen, when Mickey made clear that his worry was just one more face of what they had together.

He’d come down the next morning to Ian at the kitchen table, the whole place eerily quiet for a place they still shared with too many fucking people. There had been coffee in the pot, toast on the table, and Ian, picking at his cuticles and not meeting Mickey’s eyes.

“We need to talk,” he’d said, and Mickey’s heart had dropped into his stomach.

“Can I wake the fuck up first?” he’d asked, but Ian had just kicked a chair out for him and waited, not meeting his eyes, until Mickey sat down.

They’d sat silently for a long moment, Mickey unwilling to ask what it was about. Finally, Ian had sighed, and reached out for Mickey’s hand across the table.

“It’s about the bipolar,” he’d said, and Mickey had been so relieved he could feel it in his fucking toes, bare and cold against the tile floor.

“Oh. Okay.”

Ian had been startled by his easy acceptance of the topic, he could tell.

“That’s it?” He’d sounded almost confused.

Mickey had shrugged.

“I mean, yeah?” He’d rubbed the rest of the sleep from his eyes with the hand no holding Ian’s. “You had me worried, man, with the we need to talk thing. But this is just normal shit.”

Ian had just stared at him, then released his hand to lean back against his chair.

“Normal?” He’d asked disbelievingly. “There’s nothing normal about planning for my imminent mental break, Mickey.

Mickey had snorted at the irony of it. “You kidding me?” he’d said. “It’s the most normal fucking thing about us.”

As he watched Ian in the kitchen now, making pancakes at 3AM on a Saturday morning, Mickey thought that was probably still true.

“Hey, Martha Stewart,” he said softly from his position against the wall, still leaning there as Ian spun around with surprise painted over his face. His eyes were off, the light not quite there, but they still warmed when he saw Mickey.

“Hey,” Ian said back, voice high and too chipper. “I’m making pancakes, you want some? I’ve got banana, your favorite, and chocolate chips, and strawberries…”

He went on to list more ingredients, but Mickey wasn’t really listening. He could see it all anyway, spread out over the kitchen like so many half-made decisions, half-baked ideas that kept giving way to something else.

“Mickey?” Ian asked, and he snapped out of it.

“Yeah,” he answered with a smile. “Yeah, I’d love some pancakes. Why don’t you let me stir for a awhile?”

—

They had their pancakes standing up next to the counter, nowhere left to rest their plates on the crowded surfaces of the kitchen. Ian talked about the merits of each ingredient as they ate, and Mickey listened, and nodded along as best he could.

This was okay. It was pancakes in their boxers at 3AM with no sleep in a kitchen that looked like it was hit by a tornado, but Ian was eating, and Ian was smiling, and Ian was there.

And when Ian stopped and tried to set his plate down, distress on his face as he was confronted with the mess he had made, Mickey took the dish from him with easy hands.

“You want to sit down awhile?” he tried, nudging Ian gently out of the disaster-zone. “Bet you’re tired after eating all that.”

He knew Ian wasn’t, but he kept a hand on his back anyway until they were out in the living room, next to the sofa. Mickey let go to sit down himself with a groan, tired muscles aching at being used for too long without rest. He kept his eyes off Ian, just standing there, looking at him in that too-present, too-absent way of his, and leaned back against the cushions, eyes falling closed.

After a moment, the sofa dipped as Ian settled in beside him.

“Mickey?” Ian asked. The cushions bounced as he tapped his heel repeatedly on the floor.

“Yeah?” Mickey responded, squinting his eyes back open.

“Can I touch you?”

Mickey repressed the urge to sit up, to take Ian into his arms. Ian sounded too hesitant, a shift from moments before as he playfully shoved bites of overcooked batter into Mickey’s mouth.

But Ian didn’t like to be held like this.

“Of course you can, you moron,” Mickey said instead, and watched as Ian’s leg stopped moving. The other man drew closer, reaching a hand out to card through Mickey’s hair and drag down the side of his face, a touch too shaky and a touch too firm.

Ian had once said that touching Mickey grounded him, and Mickey hadn’t known if Ian thought that was a good thing or not. In the midst of hypomania, Ian didn’t always take kindly to being grounded.

But tonight—well, this morning—it seemed to be a good thing. Mickey was grateful for that.

Grateful, because it meant that Ian looked like himself as he moved to lay against him, and not like some over-saturated facsimile painted with too much water on the canvas, always shifting, always running. Grateful, because it meant that Ian pulled Mickey’s arms around him and settled into his side like they always did, even if his body never quite stilled at the contact.

Grateful, because it meant they wouldn’t fight tonight. That Mickey wouldn’t have to worry as much about what Ian might say, might do, if he stepped out of line. If he went off the script they had planned on a good day for dealing with bad ones to come.

He wouldn’t have to call Lip for backup. He wouldn’t have to tail Ian as he left the apartment to make sure he stayed safe. He wouldn’t have hide the knives, or their wallets, or anything else.

Not that he would have complained if he did. It was what it was. Ian was who he was. And Mickey would always see him through it. Love him through it.

They lay there, mostly quiet, except for the mindless tune Ian hummed against his neck, and the tap tap tap of his fingers on Mickey’s collarbone.

Eventually, the song cut off.

“Do I need to call the doctor?” Ian asked quietly into the echoing room, and Mickey nodded, rubbing a gentle hand through his hair.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I think so.”

He'd get everything together in the morning. Ian's journals, their schedule, their meal plan. The little notebook where he kept track of Ian's prescriptions, how they worked, how long they lasted.

Something had obviously slipped, either in their methods or in Ian himself. But Mickey was well past dwelling on what they could have done differently, and focused on what to do next.

Things happened. Things changed. They would adapt.

At Mickey's confirmation, Ian just nodded against him, fidgeting until their legs were too entwined to separate.

“Sleep first, if you can,” Mickey told him, settling in for a long rest of the night. “We’ll do it together when you wake up.”

Together. They’d do it together. Again and again and again, as much as they needed to. Because Ian was his husband, and this was their normal.

And their normal was still pretty damn good.

[kmikaelsonimagines]

Partner In Crime: A Kol Mikaelson Imagine

Request from Anon (a shortened exchange of trying to find it, and then me agreeing to write it): Was you the one that wrote the the scenario where the reader was trying to help cut off Jeremy arms? YAY! Please don't kill him 🥺 You know I might have dreamt that shit up XD.

I’ve sort of changed the scene a bit to make this work. Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x 

It had been your idea to cut off Jeremy Gilbert’s arms. Kol had just wanted to kill him straightaway, but then you had reminded him of the Hunter’s Curse, and how you didn’t quite fancy dealing with that for the next few centuries. “I don’t particularly want you going insane on me.”

Kol had smiled, moving his face closer to yours. “Are you sure about that?” There was a suggestive tone in his words that had you laughing.

“Quite sure.” You’d put your hand up to his cheek, pushing his face away from yours playfully, earning a chuckle from him. You enjoyed days like those, plotting elaborate schemes together, but never forgetting just how much you loved each other. Kol Mikaelson, the definition of a troublemaker, was your partner in crime, and you wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

Only a few days later, you watched as Kol was invited into the Gilbert residence. The plan was for you to let him try and convince the Gilberts to change their minds, using that charm that had had you falling into his arms all those centuries ago.

“Are you sure you won’t get jealous?” He’d placed his hands on your waist, pulling you close, eyes searching yours in mock concern.

“Positive.” You’d reached up and placed a slow, lingering kiss on his lips. “I know you’d never leave me.”

Kol brushed his nose against yours. “Never, Y/N.”

When you saw Kol wrap his earphones around his phone – modern technology having been a marvel for him – you made your way to the back of the house. You pressed your ear against the door, listening to the conversation, the warning that Kol delivered to Elena Gilbert about what would happen if they went searching for the cure, if they woke up Silas.

You smiled as they offered him an ultimatum, as he said he would think about it. You heard the front door close, a sign that Kol had left.

It was then that you started screaming, messing your hair up. The Gilberts hadn’t met you yet, and so to them, you would appear as nothing more than an innocent civilian, in desperate need of help.

It wasn’t long before you saw him. Jeremy Gilbert. His eyes widened as he looked at you, and he rushed outside as he heard you begging for help. “You’ve got to help me. There was a man and he tried to attack me. Please, I need to hide before he comes back.”

Jeremy opened the back door. “Come in, quickly.”

You tried not to smile as you were invited in, continuing to play the role of a vampire’s victim. You almost felt bad about what you were going to do as you were ushered over to the sofa, a blanket placed around your shoulders, a glass of water clutched in your hand.

You managed to text Kol as Jeremy and Elena went off to the side, no doubt to discuss what to do with you, worrying that Kol would come back and Elena even suggesting that they make their excuses and throw you out. Jeremy, on the other hand, protested against his sister, always the kind soul that he was made out to be.

I’m in.

Your phone buzzed.

Perfect.

From your seat, you surveyed the house. This was always the plan: for Kol to be invited in first, to be painted as the bad guy, then for you to find your own way in, to scope out the house for potential hazards, for potential weapons. Your eyes lingered on the knives in the kitchen, the empty table and you envisioned what would be happening there soon enough.

It wasn’t long before there was a knock at the door, Elena running to answer it. You threw the blanket off your shoulders as you heard the voice of the man you loved. “I’m sorry, I’ve already been invited in.”

As Elena and Jeremy ran into the lounge, urging you to run too, you looked up at Kol entering. He smiled at you. “Got everything you needed, darling?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Elena looked around in confusion, a look that didn’t last long as you snapped her neck. Kol used his speed to do the same to Jeremy, lifting him up onto his shoulders. “Where to?”

“Over there.” You nodded in the direction of the kitchen table.

“Perfect.” Kol stopped, placing a kiss on your lips. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”

“So, not because you love me?”

“Oh, maybe that too.”

You followed him, helping him to tie the Gilbert brother onto the table. The two of you waited for him to wake up, a perverse desire to hear him scream bubbling in your chest. 

“Now, which arm was it, Y/N? Left or right?”

“You know, I can’t remember.”

“Maybe we should just cut off both. Just to be safe.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

The next time you saw Kol, you were lying on your bed back at the Mikaelson mansion, your boyfriend sat waiting for you. “What happened?”

“My brother happened. The sister got to the blonde he’s got a thing for, and well, he got to us.”

You scowled, reminding yourself to get Klaus back for snapping your neck. But then you realised something. Kol had misbehaved, and yet, he was sitting here, with you. Not in a box.

You leaned up and kissed him, your lips lingering as he tangled his fingers in your hair. “What was that for?”

“Just happy you’re still here.”

“I promised never to leave you, didn’t I? Who else would I get into mischief with? Y/N, you should know by now that you’re my partner in crime.”

And he would always be yours.

Masterlist

[ravennm84]

Serafina II

Part 1     Part 3

The 2nd installment of the “Marinette’s Haunted Doll” series. I was seriously shocked by how much response I got from part one, so I hope this lives up to your expectations. Blood, gore, and death are coming, along with some mental freak-outs. You have been warned. 

Part II

Despite wanting to stay with Marinette to comfort the girl after the tearful apologies by Mylene and Ivan, Serafina couldn’t return until her work was finished. There was still much to do and people to punish. 

She arrived early with Mylene, which allowed her to observe the others that entered the classroom. Kim had returned to school that day in a wheelchair. The cast on his leg went up to his waist and the one on his arm went up to his bicep. His face and exposed skin were covered in bruises and his right eye looked like it had blood in it. 

“How are you feeling, dude?” Nino asked him as he entered alongside Adrien.

“Really sore,” the boy admitted. “Doctors had to reset my leg at the knee and said that my arm was a three piece offset fracture, so they had to use screws to put it back in place. Other than that; had a concussion, a lot of bruises, and a couple cuts; but no internal bleeding or ruptured organs. They said after a few months and some physical therapy, I should be as good as new.”

Nino gave him a solemn nod. “Glad to hear you’re going to be okay, dude.”

Kim’s expression dropped a bit. “I heard about Alya, I’m really sorry, man.”

The boy lowered his head while Adrien patted his back. “I really… I can’t believe she’s gone because of some freak accident. It makes no sense!” Nino jumped to his feet and started pacing as more students filed in. “I mean, she wasn’t supposed to die like that! Getting caught up in an akuma battle, childhood disease, there would be a reason for that! But that was just pointless!”

Mme. Bustier did attempt to calm him down, but her kind words fell on deaf ears before he grabbed his bag and left the room. No one could blame him, and only Adrien followed to make sure he would be alright, and to make sure he wasn’t akumatized.

Lila came in not long after with a curious bag in her hands. Serafina watched the liar as she looked around the room. She had a feeling that the liar would try something after her last attempt to frame Marinette had failed. When the girl tried speaking to Mylene, the doll was proud to see the girl refuse to acknowledge her as she continued to speak with Rose and Juleka. When it was clear that she was being ignored, she tried speaking to Ivan, only for him to give her a harsh glare that had her shuffling backwards. With Max and Alix still at the hospital and Adrien not in the room, that left her with Sabrina. The redhead had been sitting alone at the front of the room since Chloe had transferred schools after the Miracle Queen incident.

“Hi Sabrina, how are you doing?”

The girl smiled up at the italian, glad to still have a friend. “I’m doing okay, at least a lot better than a lot of our class. I heard Max lost sight in his one eye from the chemicals and Alix might have to have cosmetic surgery to get her face back to normal. At least Kim might be back to normal in a few months after going through physical therapy. But Alya…”

Lila faked her tears at the mention of her lost follower. She was really more annoyed than sad, Alya was easily manipulated, went along with everything she said, and Lila had been able to use her blog to build up her popularity. And the girl had been a decent attack dog, just point her at someone and off she went. Now that she was dead, maybe she could turn Sabrina into her new lead follower, she was already partially trained and it wasn’t like the blonde bitch was around anymore.

“I know, it’s so terrible. She was my first friend when I moved here, it’ll be so hard without her,” she faked a few more tears. And just like that, Sabrina took her hand in comfort and said a bunch of soothing words while she continued to fake cry. 

After a moment, Lila placed the bag she’d been holding on the desk and pushed it away from her, making sure the action caught Sabrina’s attention. “What’s that?”

Lila fake sobbed even harder, hiding her face in her hands. “Ma-Marinette, she-she said it was m-my fault that Alya’s dead. She practically threw that bag at me and said to use it,” she said before breaking down in more fake sobs.

Carefully opening the bag, she gasped when she saw it was full of razor blades and a couple of kitchen knives. Sure, she knew that Marinette didn’t get along with Lila, but to actually give this to her and tell her to ‘use it’? How could she be so cruel?

Serafina scowled as the red head hugged the liar and promised her that she would take care of it. Her anger erupted as Sabrina stood from her desk with the bag in hand, and began walking towards Mme. Bustier’s desk. The girl didn't take two steps before tripping over nothing and falling onto her side. Luckily, she did not land on the bag. Unluckily, she gripped it too tight and the impact forced the knives and razors through the bag and deep into her hands.

The girl screamed and cried as blood rushed out of the wounds and down into her sleeves. She begged Lila to help her, but the italian backed away from the girl in shock. Mme. Bustier gripped her head between her hands and began saying “not again, not again” before running out of the room. The only ones that helped her were Juleka, Rose and Ivan; the smaller girl sprinting off to alert the nurse and the principal, while Juleka and Ivan got Sabrina to her feet. Ivan kept the girl upright and moving out the door while Juleka held the girl’s hands above the level of her heart to keep her from bleeding too much.

Those left in the classroom were in shock as they stared at either the door or at the blood staining the floor. No one said anything for a long time, not even Lila. She hadn’t thought anyone would get hurt. She just thought she would get Marinette suspended and everyone would be on her side again. Adrien returned before the others, completely shocked when he saw the blood and Kim explained to him what had happened. The blonde sent a scathing look at Lila but said nothing.

It was a while later before Rose, Ivan, and Juleka returned to class, along with M. Rupere. He informed them that their classes were cancelled for today. “After everything that has occurred this week, I’ve decided that all of you will be meeting with the counselor today. He will decide if more sessions are necessary and for who, but his door and mine are open if you need to talk. M. Deveraux will come to speak with you one at a time. Kim Le Chien, he had requested to speak with you first. Mlle. Rossi,” he looked sternly at the girl, “would you please follow me, we need to talk about the incident with Sabrina Raincomprix.”

Serafina smiled as the liar trudged out of the room after the man. She was satisfied with Sabrina’s punishment and doubted if Mme. Bustier would last another day before having a total mental breakdown. She also knew that Lila would be in even more trouble after M. Rupere looked into the girl a bit more. But just to make sure, Serafina touched her on the way out. To most people, that would do nothing; but to someone like Lila, it would cause her to become more and more unhinged until she did something drastic. Very soon, Lila would be out of the picture and those deserving of punishment will have paid their debts.

~oOo~

It was more difficult sneaking home with Adrien than she had expected, especially with the tiny god of Chaos and Destruction in his bag. Plagg was his name, and he was very defensive of his kitten and had threatened to cataclysm her. Serafina told him that she would not purposefully harm his ‘kitten’, but there was something she had to take care of at the Agreste Mansion. The doll had long suspected that Gabriel Agreste is Hawkmoth and she was going to find out tonight if it was true. Plagg was reluctant to agree since it would hurt Adrien; but if it was true, they had to put an end to it.

After arriving at the mansion, Plagg easily convinced the boy to sneak out and check on Nino. After he left, Serafina sensed something on Adrien’s desk. Being an enchanted/haunted object, she could sense other objects like herself… such as Miraculous jewels. And right there on the desk was a pin shaped like a peacock, one of the jewels that had been missing and used by Mayura. If there had been any doubts before about who had been terrorizing Marinette, they were gone. 

Tucking the pin into her small outfit, she began to search the building, starting with Gabriel’s office. She had expected the man to be present, but he was missing. And given that Hawkmoth was a very active user, she had no doubt that he kept his jewel on him at all times. So, she waited.

It was about an hour later that Gabriel Agrest entered the room, and not from the door Serafina had expected. The man had a secret entry in the floor in front of a portrait of a woman. He was muttering on knowing better than to use Bubbler again, but that the negative emotions had been too strong to ignore. She also saw the purple kwami hovering over his shoulder, but the creature stopped when it sensed her. Gabriel strode out of the room, barely noticing that Nooroo had stayed behind and flew over to the doll hiding behind the desk.

“What are you doing here? If the Master finds you, he will destroy you.” The kwami said with worry.

The doll conveyed that she knew that his master was Hawkmoth, just as her human was Ladybug. She was here to protect her and return the butterfly and peacock miraculous to their rightful place. Also knowing that Gabriel had become too corrupted for his miraculous.

“I’ve tried to tell him that the wish would be dangerous,” Nooroo told her with downcast eyes. “He wants to make a wish to revive his wife, but he doesn’t realize that the cost would be to put Adrien, someone he loves equally as much as Emilie, into the same state of death. She isn’t even truly alive anymore, her body only lives because of the machine she is in.”

An idea spawned in Serafina’s thoughts and she barely kept herself from smiling. She asked Nooroo to help her activate the secret passage so she could get to his wife, but the little kwami shook his head. “Even if I could get you down there, the motion sensors would trip and he would attack you.”

Smiling this time, Serafina promised the little god that Gabriel would not attack her. That she would make sure that Adrien would be safe and the two kwami’s would go to their rightful place. All he had to do was help her open the door. Although reluctant and slightly scared, the little god opened the door, hoping that the nightmare would finally end. 

Down in the lair, the doll saw the mechanical coffin placed in the center of the room and went to it. The motion sensors caught her quickly, but she had been planning on moving fast anyway. Opening the coffin, she settled herself into the woman’s arms. Nooroo had been right, Serafina could sense that the woman’s soul had departed from her body a while ago and it was only the machine that was keeping her body alive. With no other soul to contend with, this would make what she was about to do next all the easier.

Nathalie had called to alert him the moment the alarms went off in the lair while she and Simone were out on an errand. He was moving faster than he could remember with Nooroo following close behind. Gabriel transformed on the way down, prepared to attack whoever had stumbled in, but his breath caught in his throat halfway down when he got a good view of the room. 

The coffin was empty.

Rushing forward, he began frantically searching the room for his wife, calling her name. He turned to rush back upstairs and froze. Standing behind him, looking dazed, was his wife. Her eyes were unfocused and her arms were hugging her middle, but it was her. Dropping his transformation, Gabriel cautiously approached her and she flinched back from him. It took a few minutes and a lot of gentle coaxing before he was able to wrap an arm around her shoulders and lead her to the elevator. When they got to his office, he watched her carefully as she began walking around the room. He wanted her to sit down and rest, but he was still in shock that she was awake and standing in front of him.

Eventually, her green eyes met his. “Where’s Adrien?”

“I… I don’t know, he should be up in his room.”

Emilie’s head tilted slightly, her eyes searching his. “What have you done? Did you make the wish?”

“No, my love. I was going to when I got the jewels, but Ladybug and Chat Noir evaded me.”

Tears grew in her eyes as she continued to stare at him. “You tried to make the wish? Knowing that it would have cost our son’s life?” 

Gabriel froze. He hadn’t known that wishing Emilie to come back would cost Adrien’s… but Nooroo had tried to tell him. He remembered the kwami trying to tell him about the cost and he had forced him to not speak. “I’m sorry, Emilie. I didn’t-”

“You knew,” she interrupted, her voice lacking any emotion as she continued to stare at him. “You knew from the beginning that what you were doing was wrong, evil. You chose to ignore what it would cost.”

“Emilie, my love, please don’t say such things,” Gabriel begged as he rushed forward to wrap his arms around her. “All I have wanted since the day I lost you, was to hold you in my arms again and hear your voice. I was lost without you and was willing to go to the ends of the earth to bring you back. Is that so wrong?”

He had just barely met her eyes when he felt the twin pains in his arms. Jumping back, he looked down to see both wrists had been cut deeply with a pair of his fabric cutting scissors. Blood was draining from the wounds at an alarming rate. His hands were shaking and he was already feeling light headed as he grabbed a handful for fabric from his work table in an attempt to slow the blood. He wanted to call out for help, but they were alone. 

His eyes grew hazed as he looked to Emilie, surprised that she was staring at him with such contempt. “I know what you’ve been doing while I was in that coffin. Tormenting the city and people I love, isolating our son and treating him like a burden. If you had ever succeeded in getting the Cat and Ladybug miraculous, it would have destroyed Paris. But you didn’t care. As you said, all you cared about was hearing my voice and holding me in your arms. Congratulations, your wish came true, and you will be the one to pay the price. Not Adrien.”

His legs gave out from under him as the fabrics dripped from the excess blood. He couldn’t understand how this had happened, Emilie would have never done something like this… but was this really her? With his vision fading, he took a hard look at his wife, only now noticing the dullness of her eyes, the greying pallor of her skin, and the fact that she only seemed to breathe when she spoke… “Who are you?”

Her head tilted again, the corner of her mouth lifting slightly. “Serafina. Quite astute of you to figure that out in your state. Your wife’s soul passed on a long time ago, all you have been doing is preserving a corpse. And I was telling the truth; even if you had made the wish, it would have cost Adrien his life.” Her hand shot forward, removing the butterfly miraculous before he could stop her. “Your actions have hurt someone close to me and I could no longer stand back and allow it to happen.”

She stood, walking to his desk to pull out a piece of paper and writing something down before neatly folding it and leaving it on his desk.

“Wh… What…”

“You just wrote a letter to Adrien; admitting what happened to his mother, that you were Hawkmoth, and the reason why you did what you did.” She said calmly before looking back at him. “Whether he tells the rest of the world is up to him. As for the miraculous, I will give him a chance at redemption. Though if he should fail, you may be seeing him sooner rather than later. Either way, they will soon be back where they belong, with the guardian. And you, good sir, have just committed suicide after bringing your wife’s body upstairs, so you would be able to hold her in your arms as you died.”

Unable to sit upright anymore, Gabriel barely felt his body collapse to the floor. He was hardly aware of Emilie lifting one of his arms to tuck her body to his side. The last thing he was aware of was something that he swore would haunt him in the afterlife; a porcelain doll emerging from the folds of her clothes and standing beside them. It stood there on its own, watching him until he could no longer keep his eyes open and he took his final breath.

Taglist (even longer):

@themagicmistic​ @andromeda612​ @ramos123​ @t1dwarrior-of-earth​ @justanotherweirdo277​ @irisfox​ @thestrangestofthemall​ @plz-excuse-my-inner-ravenclaw​ @certainmuffinbagelcalzone​ @the-fandom-girl @wisecolorthing @mewwitch​ @luxurioushellgirl97​ @seraphichana @fantasiame​ @whydoexamsexist​ @wispyrainbow​ @legodetectivemalsblog​ @kindasoundslikealien​ @shadowangelreborn​ @kazedancer @unmaskedagain​ @7-sage-7​ @irontimetravelflower​ @ghostmaster83​ @izang​ @ulmban​ @plushbookworm​ @corabeth11​ @darkened-flame​ @caffeinetheory​ @iamablinkmarvelarmy​ @raiderofthelostbooks​ @cheshire5210 @chocolateherringtacofan​ @city-of-all-tunas​ @aadnrsstar​ @kitten12113​ @interobanginyourmom​ @pandacatxd​ @nerd-nowandforever​ @jesussavedevenme​ @zoiechance​ @the-smallest-kittenz @wonderbat91939​ @maskedpainter​ @tazer6787​ @that-girl-sakea @seesea22​ @with-forward-motion​ @ola-is-dead​ @thecrazyfantrollshasmoved @bayball​ @2confused-2doanything​ @queen-in-a-flower-crown​ @sabrina1414 @ceres-zephyr​ @if-you-give-a-chat-a-cookie​ @zalladane​ @tails-and-scales​ @rumbelle18​ @sam-spectra​ @collegefae​ @pale-lady-dreamer​ @animegirlweeb​ @evaraux @consumeconstantly​ @iz-bell-saiah​ @puspa-san​ @wishing-to-be-a-fictional-chara​ @sassakitty​ @miraculous-ninja​ @fandom-trapped-03​ @idontfuking​ @sillyfishrubberducky​ @anonymousreviewer-t​ @i-am-fallen-angel​ @zotinha456​ @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen​ @chocolatecatstheron​ @crypticsabbat @startouchedqueen1318 @para-dox-normal​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @incredulous-reader​ @professionalfangirl1738​ @fangirlnerd001​ @redscarlet95​ @sixtyeightdays​ @iamtotalfandomtrash​ @tazanna-blythe​ @animehime94​ @mysticsoulgirl​ @miraculouspenta​ @local-witch-of-mn​ @roseinbloom02​ @senpaiweird​ @iggy-of-fans​ @tropestropestropes​ @sleep-deprived-aroace​ @comteqfr @neromerp13​ @prudencerika​ @galaxylightmoon @c-s-stars @spartanxhunterx @shadowhex99 @abrx2002 @lunartaravlar @theymakeupfairies @myazael @wannajointhecrabcult @some-weird-multifandom-girl @marvel--unsolved @kuroko26 @mcheang @nach0ava @syrencall @mexicantttt @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @enchanted-nerd @actual-disaster-human @mashmallow619 @clumsy-owl-4178 @hollowwisteria @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @fandom-trapped-03 @lunataravlar @lady-phoenix-of-tardis @tishwinchesterannabethjackson @mariposa-macaroon @starlightshield @255940g

[wakaoujisenhime]

Ah!~ I fall in love with your Takao headcanons! Can I ask headcanons about Takao from best friends to lovers?

A/N: But OF COURSE, you can, the more Takao you guys want, the better for me! ٩( ᐛ )و 

So this will be a continuation from his best friends headcanons I made a while back and for those who’d like to see a spicier version of the more or less same troupe, I linked a similar request I got below! Hope you’ll enjoy this! ❤️

Tags: Takao x reader ✅  fluff ✅  friends to lovers ✅  slight angst ✅

☞ 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙    ☞ 𝕤𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕪 𝕧𝕖𝕣.

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

living with your best friend didn’t change your relationship as much as you thought it would

the two of you were still clinging to each other like leeches, supporting the other during hard times and in general providing a shoulder to cry and lean on when needed

now that you were roommates and not only neighbors you saw Takao every single day and that came with many advantages

you both shared the housework and came up with cooking/cleaning/laundry schedules that made your joint life so much easier

Takao had decided to start working after graduation while you continued your studies (and occasionally worked at a part-time job close to your apartment)

it heavily depended on your individual schedule, but in general, the two of you had agreed that the first one home should be the one to prepare dinner and help the other one out a little

usually, Takao would be the first one home and every time you came back he greeted you like some kind of butler, helping you out of your jacket, taking your bag, leading you to the kitchen where he showed you that evening’s dinner, and lastly he’d conclude his small tour at the bathroom where he had run a bath for you

both of you were so close that all of your neighbors (especially the older ones) continuously teased you, saying what kind of cute couple the two of you were and some even went as far as to ask when you’re wedding was going to be

in the beginning, your and Takao’s cheeks would flush ever so slightly but the longer you lived there the more used to it you got, and in the end, it even reached a stage where you’d counter their remarks with your own witty and comical ones

comments such as theirs didn’t bother you that much, or at least that’s what you thought ...

a couple of months after moving in you invited some members of Shuutoku’s basketball team over for a friendly get-together and a warm dinner

it had been a lot of fun

people were teased, embarrassing situations were denounced as hilarious, compliments fell left and right, and what not

at some point though Miyaji - the club’s former captain - raised the question of whether Takao and you had finally started a romantic relationship

it was just a well-meant question and perhaps a subtle hint and yet your best friend began to deny that so strongly that you couldn’t help but feel aggrieved from his over-exaggerated reaction

the evening was kinda ruined for you and some of them noticed it and felt bad for you

in the end, Miyaji actually came up to you and apologized, saying just how much he’d regretted asking you something that was seemingly a taboo-topic

since then the relationship between your best friend and yourself was quite shaky, you began avoiding too much body contact with him, tuned down your clinginess, and even started avoiding him at times

some people think that Takao isn’t the brightest and assume that he’s quite dense, but you knew better

it didn’t take him even a week to notice that something was wrong with you and before you knew it he waited for you to come back home and asked you to take a seat across from him on the couch

“(Y/N)-chan...I’m aware that something’s been bothering you for the past few days and I know that some topics are better left unsaid, but I really hate seeing you suffer because of maybe something I did.”

his words stabbed your heart like hundred knives and even if you’d planned to keep your hurt pride to yourself, you knew that communication was key in any kind of relationship so with a bitter smile you told him about everything, how his reaction had hurt you more than his captain’s harmless question and how these new and yet unknown thoughts had begun to cloud your mind with masses of doubts

there was a brief break during which Takao’s expression grew unbelievably sad, he had expected anything but this

and then finally after what felt like hours he whispered out your name, got up from his chair, and slowly walked towards you, kneeling in front of your seated figure

“I’m truly sorry...I-I wasn’t aware of how much this actually bothered you,” he paused as he took your hands into his own and continued, “all I wanted was to make Miyagi drop that theme fast since he’s the type to talk about one topic for hours and I really didn’t want to make you uncomfortable since that evening was meant for recollecting and updating each other about our daily lives and not a relationship counseling...”

with a sigh you shook your head and couldn’t help but laugh at just how ridiculous this situation was, Takao joined you not long after

after that small misunderstanding, you two needed a bit until your relationship had normalized, but you’d be lying if you said that everything was back to how it used to be

once the imagination of Takao as your boyfriend had entered your mind you began to realize just how close the two of you truly were

him tending to your needs every time you came back home late, resembled that of a worried father-to-be whose wife was to go into labor soon

the way he always jokingly offered himself as your dinner was a cliché joke and sometimes an invitation one would often see in romance series that once again fell between lovers

and the worst for your heart was how the word ‘personal space’ wasn’t even present in his vocabulary, he’d hug you whenever he could, lean himself on your back and leave his chin in the crack of your neck at every given opportunity, and let’s not mention whenever he had trouble falling asleep (which was basically almost every day)

all those small and seemingly irrelevant gestures which didn’t usually affect you were now the trigger for a deep-red blush along your cheeks and an increased heart rate

and it didn’t help that Takao would constantly tease you whenever he noticed your flushed face

.

as time went by though you noticed that something between you two had indeed changed

now his mere presence was enough to make your heart thump wildly against your chest

the only comfort you found was that he himself had started blushing more often as well

you thought that nothing of deeper meaning was behind it and just blamed it on your behavior, but what you didn’t know was that Takao was experiencing the same thing as you

for him, it was as if every single touch - no matter how featherlight it was - set his skin on fire

every ever so small and gentle smile or grin you directed his way, immediately brightened up his mood

and let’s not even talk about the small things you do for him, like cooking, preparing some late-night snacks for whenever he has to work on a project until very late in the evening, folding his laundry, ironing his shirts, and so on...

both of you were slowly starting to acknowledge the other as an essential part of your respective lives

on top of that, innocent and sweet thoughts such as kissing each other on the lips, taking a bath together, or just doing silly things such as hiding from the people outside so that you can feel each other’s lips began dominating your minds

and what choice did the two of you have but to bottle these feelings up and hide them from each other just because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship

it was painful of course, but you continued to put yourself through with it, determined to keep this a secret for as long as necessary

unfortunately, Takao wasn’t made out of the same cloth and was slowly but surely feeling how everything was about to explode pretty soon

and then finally one day when the two of you went out shopping together some of your elderly neighbors stopped you yet again and began interrogating you guys as usual

“Have you two dears finally admitted your feelings for each other?”

there it was, their favorite question, that was strangely accurate this time

you were ready to debunk it yet again, but Takao suddenly took a hold of your hand, squeezed it slightly, and announced: “Not yet, but I’m about to!”

three pairs of wide eyes were fixated on the slightly blushing young man who stood beside you and while you were still trying to decipher whether you’d heard him right he faced you and even took a gentle hold of your second hand

“(Y/N)...I feel like this should’ve happened sooner, but my fear of losing you as my constant pillar of support was too big. Your presence was always something extremely helpful and soothing, but as of late I started to truly notice just how much more it was for me and my life. The sheer imagination of me being without you hurt me more than any game my team lost, any missed promotion chance or anything negative for that matter,” he paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “what I’m trying to say is that...(Y/N), I’d like you to become my lover.”

silent gasps could be heard, but you were too overwhelmed to pay any attention to it

the fact that he’d felt the same way and was stuck in the same situation as you were truly unbelievable, but now that you knew it all those small things you’d denounced as an effect of your own unusual behavior made sense

you looked up into the slate blue eyes of the man you’d fallen for and slowly removed your hands from his tight grip, only to then wrap your arms around his neck and bring him closer to you

Takao immediately seized the opportunity to do the same, he was anxious about what you were about to say so he at least wanted to savor what might be his very last embrace from you

“Took us long enough now didn’t it?” was all you said before you confidently took a hold of his cheeks and brought his face closer to your lips until they touched

while you two kissed ever so passionately and drowned in the liberating feeling of mutual love, the two older women next to you smiled while commenting on how they’d always known and how bad you two were hiding it

after you’d finally separated from each other you gave him your obvious answer to which he simply giggled and out of happiness began cuddling and kissing your face all over

this was truly a wonderful moment, it might not affect your relationship all too much but it was nonetheless a step towards a new and yet unknown experience that the two of you would live through while constantly supporting each other ...

[hyunjilicious]

would you? [chris evans]

A/n: I literally word vomited this in less than 20 minutes and didn’t proof read it so please be kind lol. Also I haven’t written fluff in ages and I forgot how to do it!

Summary: Chris gets all riled up when you tell him you actually like and would date his character Ransom, from Knives Out. (FLUFF) 1.4k

Warnings: literally none? I think... alcohol if that’s a warning? Oh, and shitty writing. And tons of fluff. Like only fluff. Too much maybe. Really fucking domestic tho. I needed that tonight. 

-

Above anything else, you loved late nights in. Like this one for instance, as it was well past 3am, and both you and Chris were still wide awake. You, in the living room, scrolling through the channels on your rarely used TV, and him, in the kitchen, grabbing glasses, making popcorn and picking the next bottle of wine.

“Baby!” you yelled over your shoulder as you suddenly stopped flicking through the channels and finally settled on one. Chris’s face took up the whole screen as Knives Out was playing, and you couldn’t help but smile.

He didn’t answer.

“Baby!” you called again, this time louder and more determined.

First, you heard a soft clatter and then a deafening bang. “You ok?” you asked, rushing to your feet and sprinting towards the kitchen.

As soon as you opened the door, your eyes landed on Chris. He was sitting on the floor, his back hunched dangerously low.

“Baby, what happened?” you whined, walking over to him. Then you saw it. “Is that my shake for tomorrow?”

Chris looked up, eyes all wide and apologetic as he tried to win you over with his dazzling smile, “I just wanted to taste it”

“You child” you laughed.

“I don’t know why I got so scared when you called me, I fucking dropped it” he confessed, standing up and grabbing a napkin, “You know when we were kids and were doing stuff we weren’t supposed to? That’s the kind of nervousness I was feeling while drinking your shake”

“I thought you were just tasting it?” you pouted.

Chris opened his mouth to respond, but then found himself at a loss for words. “Ok, fine!” he eventually exclaimed, "I don’t know why yours is so much better than mine?”

“That’s because you’ve got no patience to blend properly” you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, I blend!” he argued amused, pointing his finger at you, “It’s not the blending, I tell you”

You sighed, unable to hide your smile. Moving to the side to help carry the snacks to the living room, you spoke to him over your shoulder, “I still don't understand why you won’t let me make it for you”

“Because I’m a grown ass man, Y/n” he huffed, still inside the kitchen, “What kind of dipshit isn’t able to make his own protein shake?”

“You apparently” you laughed and then heard him mock you from the kitchen.

Yes, you loved staying in with him more than anything in the world.

A few minutes later, you had both settled on the couch, scrolling through Netflix in search of a movie worthy of your precious time.

Chris took a sip of wine and then nudged your side, “What did you wanna say earlier?”

“What?”

“When I dropped the shake” he clarified, “You had something to say”

You frowned with confusion for a second and then remembered, “Oh, yeah” you giggled, throwing some popcorn into your mouth, “Just how hot Ransom is, that’s all”

Chris narrowed his eyes, “America’s asshole?”

“The one and only”

“You think he’s hot?” he asked. He seemed to have gotten defensive, offended even.

“Yeah, of course” you said, “How could I not…?”

“He’s a dipshit” 

“Yeah, he is-” you rolled your eyes, turning to look at him, “But it’s your fucking face Chris, how could I possibly not find him hot?”

He sighed, probably thinking there was no way for him to win this, “Ok, but you just like his face and that’s all. He wouldn’t be able to woo you or anything right?”

“I mean-” you giggled.

“Y/n!” Chris exclaimed, “What’s wrong with you? Tell me that if I didn’t exist and Ransom did, you wouldn’t date him”

“I’d date, marry and die by Andrew Barber if he existed” you laughed.

“Answer my question, baby” Chris said, trying his best to sound serious.

“I don’t know what you want me to say” you whined, cuddling into his side. “I like you” you added, looking up into his eyes.

“I like you too, doll” he smiled, gathering you into his arms and nudging your cheek, “That’s why I wanna know you wouldn’t date someone like Ransom”

“You’re the only I wanna date anyway-”

“We talked about this” Chris laughed, kissing your forehead before returning to look into your eyes, “I don’t exist, he does”

“I’d fucking date him, Chris. I think he’d be capable of loving me. And I think there’s a sweetheart hidden in there somewhere. I’m sure he just needs someone to love and care for him, that's all.”

He remained silent. Looked at you as if you had stolen all the words from his tongue. “Ok, but what if you try to express your opinion one time and he dismisses it in an instant and tells you to eat shit?”

“No one does that” you laughed.

“No, no, no!” Chris jumped, tapping your thigh, “Now I’m intrigued, I wanna see, what would you do?”

“Well” you contemplated, “Since the words would be coming out of your face, I’d probably just drop it and try again later”

Chris looked at you dumbfounded, shaking his head in disbelief as he thought of another scenario. “Let’s say you’re getting dressed to go out with some girlfriends and he tells you to stay at home because he’s horny”

“We’re in the middle of a pandemic, Chris” you laughed, proud of yourself for turning this against him, “He’d just be taking care of me. Who knows who my friends came in contact with anyway”

He sighed deeply, furrowing his brows. He tightened his hold around your frame as he thought of something else, his lips pressing soft, random kisses along your hairline.

“What if he’d talk down to you? I’m sure he’d always do that”

“Well-” you smiled, “You talk down to me and call me all sorts of names-”

“OUTSIDE OF SEX, Y/N!”

You stopped to think, “I’m sure he’d mean them with love?”

His eyes widened with exasperation as he grabbed your cheeks into his hands, “Baby, and I mean this in the most sweet and loving way possible, you have problems up here” he said, tapping your temple.

“Oh god” you chuckled and rolled your eyes, ushering his hands away, “Just let a girl love her man, jesus”

“Yes!” Chris yelled, exasperated, “Love me, not fucking Ransom Drysdale what the fuck!” “You are him!” you yelled back.

“No, I’m not! I don’t exist! We were just talking about that spoiled asshole, not me!” “Oh” you pouted, suddenly looking all confused, “Well if you put things like that…”

“Are you serious!?” Chris exclaimed, laughter interrupting his words, “Have we been having this dumb ass conversation for the last 10 minutes only because you have selective attention?”

“Well.. you know, it’s 3 am and I love you so like I got confused and just went with it”

“I love you too, my angel” Chris said, leaning down to kiss you lips, “I don’t know how you managed to finish college with that attention span but -”

“Hey” you laughed, playfully slapping his cheek.

“I’m kidding!” he shook his head, “You’re smart as fuck, that’s why I was worried you’d ever think some like Ransom was worth your time”

After going off on this topic for just a little bit longer, you decided it was actually time to go to sleep. After cleaning up and tidying the living room, Chris picked you up into his arms and started heading towards your bedroom.

“I love you so much” you whined, kissing the side of his neck.

“I love you too, baby” he said, “And I’m sorry I'm starting this again, but I wanna know if I got it right. The only reason you said you’d accept those things was because you thought they were coming from me?”

“Yeah” you yawned, “Why?”

“Cause that’s not ok either” he countered, walking into the bedroom and placing you on the bed.

“Wouldn’t you? Accept those things from me, I mean?”

“Well yeah, but…” Chris said, placing his hands on his hips as he tried to find a way to make the situation sound reasonable. There wasn’t one. “OK, we’re both mentally deranged” he concluded, and hopped into bed next to you, “Let’s just sleep right now and never talk about this again”

“Deal” you laughed, rolling over to lay on his chest.

[bluebellhairpin]

The Kings Queen

King!Erwin Smith X Queen!Reader

A/N: It came to me in a daydream; I was MC; and certain British actor was he. And now it is no longer dream, but reality - if only because now in ink. - Nemo

Summary: In order to get his politicians off his back, Erwin needs an heir. The problem is, he isn’t even married yet. An arranged marriage is set, and his new queen is surprised at how compliant he is at waiting until she is ready. 

Warnings: Misogyny is a major one here guys. Arranged Marriage. Age gap (he’s in in forties, and mc is in the twenties area). Talk of pregnancy, and children. 

Listening to: ‘Once Upon a December’ from Anastasia (piano version) 

Series Masterlist 

Masterlist

A month ago it scared you, and scared you now. You stood next to a man you didn’t know, vowing your life to him, and all you could think about was how uncomfortable your corset was, how the headpiece dug in behind your ears, and how much you would rather be anywhere else.

Doing anything else.

Being with anyone else.

You wanted to be curled up on the armchair your grandfather made, your younger sisters at your feet next to the fire, as you read aloud to them from a book they probably didn’t understand. Your mother would be on a couch across from you, needlepoint in hand, and your brother and father would walk in. Your father would kiss your mother’s temple, and your brother would join your sisters on the floor, handing them two small, handcrafted, wooden figures. 

But instead you were here.

Standing under a chapel steeple, holding a bouquet that was too heavy, in a dress that had too much fabric. Almost half the city was crammed into the pews behind you, eyes hot and boring right into the back of your skull. Your almost-husband at your side. Your king at your side. 

You were getting married to Erwin Smith, and he was the monarch of the land you grew up in. 

You knew what was to follow. You knew why you were taken from your content life and thrust into the much higher end of high society. You were to give him a child tonight. An heir. And if it were born a girl, then you were to keep giving until it became a boy, and then some. 

You weren’t sure if it were that which scared you most, or that you never got the chance to have found a love of your own. You weren’t giving anything up aside from your family in marrying your king. There was no farm boy or baker's daughter that you were leaving behind nor betraying by speaking the vows that came from your mouth. 

No others lips had touched yours, and no one else’s fingers had grazed your wrist as Erwin’s did now. You marked off your shivers and incapability to meet his eyes as nerves, and nothing else.��

Before you were taken away by your uncle, your mother told you something. She told you to notice things. Notice the people. Give them what they want, graciously, so that they have want for nothing, and then want of their own to spare. 

So when you turned around to face those people, the crown which now held both allies and enemies, with your new husband’s arm wound around your waist, you noticed the people. You saw their smiles and cheers and decided to take your mothers words to heart. They were your people now, you were their queen. 

So you fought down the nerves, painted on your best smile, and sent greetings and waves to as many as you could as you made your way to your new home.

You had to admit, like most children, you did gaze upon the castle and it’s stone walls, wondering what life behind them was like. 

You had been once before, a garden party when you were younger and your brother was only a tot. It was one of the few parties the lesser and higher nobles alike were invited to. As equals. It was the first Erwin held after he was crowned king. He hadn’t had one like it since. 

You remember wandering off into the rose maze with your brother's hand in yours. Being only ten years old, your mind made the brush of thorns and baby-pink blooms into a lot more than what they really were. Whether it were to comfort yourself or to keep your brother calm, you made up a little game. 

Somewhere in the maze was a dragon; blood red scales and teeth as long and sharp as kitchen knives, a belly full of flames, and a smell for human flesh. If you stayed stagnant too long, it would find you around the next corner and swallow you up in one gnash of it’s jaws. 

But there was also a Prince in the maze; brave, gallant, and knight-like in every way possible. With hair golden like fresh cut hay, and eyes as clear and strong as ocean waves. He would wield a sword with a blade so sharp that one blow would send that dragon straight to its death.

Of course you didn’t tell such things to your brother. They were a bit intense for a four-year-old, so you dulled it down a number of notches. 

Imagine your surprise when you ran into someone, with hair the colour of fresh-cut hay, and eyes of the clear blue. He offered you his hand, and told you he’d keep you safe from that ‘dragon’ who was chasing you. 

And he did stay true to his word. You did get out of the maze safely, even if there was no dragon he was protecting you and your brother from. 

You remember that boy, a man really, and how he was handsome with his youthful features. Back then you didn’t know who he was. Namely that not only a few months ago he really was a prince, and that now he was the king hiding from most of his own party guests. 

That was around fifteen years ago, naturally things were a little different this time around. 

This time the party was inside, with tables stocked with foods - some you’d never even seen before - and candelabra’s. The room was already filled with guests, chattering and laughing, some even dancing with did bring a smile to your face. There was a group in the corner, playing instruments in all forms available. You had been changed before you joined your husband in a chair slightly smaller than his. Apparently being seen in your wedding dress at your wedding reception wasn’t proper, and that you needed to wear a more dulled-down version to eat. 

The corset was just as tight.

You’d barely said more than a few words to him, and now here you were. 

You excused yourself early from the celebrations, and no one batted an eyelid. ‘Preparing’ yourself might be proper. 

There was a lady, a bit older than yourself, named Nanaba. She helped you out of the stifling corset and the wads of white fabric. The putting on of the night slip and it’s robe was a lot nicer. It did not require a corset, as nice as it might make you look. She sent in for some tea, and once it arrived she excused herself. 

You wish you’d spoken to her more. She was nice. And it may have calmed your nerves a little. But you didn’t and you couldn’t will yourself to do anything except cling to the bedpost furthest from the door and wait. Luckily you didn’t have to wait long. 

The door opened, and in stepped your king. You found yourself sucking in a breath, nails grazing into the polished wood, and you cast your eyes down to put yourself in check before looking up at him. He looked over at you, smiling lightly and shed his outer layer of clothes before sitting down at one of the chairs near the fire Nanaba lit earlier. 

You wondered what he was waiting for. 

“Come sit, please.” he said, shuffling a little to set up two dainty tea cups. “This is your home too now, the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable.” 

You let out a quiet puff of air, playing with the new ring on your finger before making your way over to the chair opposite him. 

“You are quite timid, aren’t you?” he mused, offering you a steaming cup, “I supposed though anyone would be all things considered.” He sat back, and you finally took a moment to notice how much he had to be admired. ‘Handsome’ was barely a word to describe him, but those blue eyes, and his hair looked like it would be soft to touch. It made you think of that ‘prince’ from the game you made up in the rose maze outside. What luck would bring you both to meet a second time. 

He caught your eye again as he took a sip of his drink. 

“You can take comfort in knowing nothing will happen tonight, nor any night in the foreseeable future.” he said, voice hushed and quiet and indeed comforting. “We are barely acquaintances, let alone friends or lovers.” 

You couldn’t help but gape at him, letting your tea get colder. 

“B-but why? You need a child, I… I-I’m here to give you one -”

“- no, that what all those lords want. The child that they want me to have is going to be yours too. It’s not my body that will be their home for the first nine months of their life. I admit,” he said, setting his cup aside, “I will need an heir eventually, but it’s no matter or urgency to me.” 

“Not until I’m ready?”

“Not until you are ready.” he nodded. 

“That’s very kind of you, your majesty.” 

“Call me Erwin,” he said, taking to his knee as the glow of the fire reflected off his face, “At least when it is just us. Please?” 

You let out a laugh, light with nerves and giddy fluttering in your heart, and brought a hand up to your mouth as you turned to compose yourself. You turned back with a smile to see his face matching yours. 

Who knew you were seemingly fretting for nothing. 

“Only if you also call me by my name.”

It was a well-known fact to even the ‘commoners’ that there were not many men in the kings court who were good people. 

Within your first week of living in the palace you knew Erwin was one of them. 

Despite his often off and rough ways of getting to and around things, he was a good man. He did have a good heart. 

Another was a much older man named Dot Pixis. He had an odd manner of speaking, and his ways were not always perfect. But he always went out of his way to treat you kindly - something many others viewed as easily brushed aside - and he had a loyalty and trust to Erwin that you sensed not everyone had.

You also took kindly to Levi Ackerman and Miche Zacharias, both head guards set to protect Erwin and yourself, respectively. They both did marvelous jobs, for you nor Erwin had been hurt by someone will ill-intent yet. And despite both their quiet natures they were nice. At least Miche was. But they weren’t really ‘in parliament’. 

Nile Dok was the only other of those men that didn’t send your gut reeling in some way. He had a family on his own, too, and you’d seen how he treated them the morning after your wedding night. He truly loved them, and a man who loved his family like that was one who you trusted. Your own father was like that with you. 

Many other new friends were found in your new home, too. Hange was the head librarian, and with the help of Moblit the rows and rows of books were kept - not organized per say - but everything did have a place. 

There were those in the kitchens, and the gardeners, maids, and military personnel. You made sure to greet them all when you could. You were more than happy when they returned the gesture, even if a little more than some of them didn’t. 

But there were people you didn’t trust at all. They made your skin crawl. You knew you didn’t come from a lot, and didn’t expect the same respect that Erwin had, but what they showed towards you? Even Nanaba commented how you should be treated better. 

However they would never treat you any less than a queen unless you were with Erwin. Unless you were with your husband, the most powerful man in the country. As much as you liked Erwin, and come to even love him in some very small way over such a short amount of time, you didn’t like that. 

You didn’t like how you couldn’t get their respect unless you were standing next to him. 

So you made up your mind.

[fic-for-fic-sake]

Playing with Fire

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warning: Slight foreplay but not even

A/N: This is not at all somewhat loosely inspired by events happening in my everyday life...shut up. 

You, Wanda, and Nat decided to have a girls night. In a team full of male ego’s, sometimes the testosterone got too strong to bear so you three called in a girls night. It wasn’t the typical slumber party vibes you had seen in the movies. Instead of makeovers and candy it was sparring and wine. The two weren’t exactly meant for each other but with enhanced individuals getting drunk was pretty much off the table anyway. 

You were in the middle of throwing knives at Wanda, who was expertly dodging them, while Nat was going on about her latest mission with Clint. 

“I mean it was fine but it wasn’t Budapest, you know?” She complained between reps. You chuckled under your breath and Nat clocked it. “What?” 

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just, I may have made a tiny little drinking game.” You explained, going over to the wine bottles and taking a swig to emphasize your point. “Every time you bring up Budapest I take a drink.” 

“I don’t bring it up that much.” She fired back. 

Wanda gave her a pointed look, not even having to open her mouth to say where she stood on the matter. 

“Fine,” Nat began, “if you guys have to drink when I mention Budapest then I get to drink when Y/N talks about Loki.” 

You instantly regretted bringing up the drinking game. You coughed a bit as wine got caught in the wrong pipe. “I do NOT talk about him that much.” All it took was another pointed look from Wanda to know that that was complete and utter bullshit. 

“Yeah but that’s different because I’m not in a relationship with Loki.” 

“But you want to be.” Wanda noted, taking the wine bottle from your hands and drinking a long pull, winking at you as she did. 

“Whether I want it or not is irrelevant.” You insisted, suddenly wishing you could steer the conversation into literally any other direction. 

“And why is that?” Nat asked, coming over to where you and Wanda stood and arching a crimson eyebrow at you. 

“Because, Loki is, he’s…” 

“Bad news.” Wanda offered at the same time Nat said “Trouble.” 

“Exactly.” You confirmed. “So whatever feelings I may or may not have will promptly be shoved down into the very darkest corner of my mind until they simply cease to exist.” 

“How has that worked for you in the past?” Nat inquired. 

“It’s worked out just fine, thank you very much.” 

“And how many relationships have you been in?” Wanda questioned. 

“None.” You replied automatically. “Fuck.” 

Sensing your not-so-inner turmoil Wanda gave you back the bottle of wine which you proceeded to polish off. 

“He doesn’t even pay attention to me anyway.” You tried to justify to them. 

“Didn’t you guys talk for like two hours last Wednesday?” Wanda pointed out. 

“Yeah, we did, it was actually a really nice conversation.” You recalled. 

You had been sitting in the library reading when Loki walked in, looking stunning in what he considered to be casual clothes, which had been laughable. While his forest green tunic and tailored black pants had certainly been a step down from his battle armor, it was a far cry from casual, at least by mortal standards. 

He had asked what book you were reading which then led to a discussion about the different types of Midardian literature and the crossovers with Asgardian books. And that had lent itself to him offering to give you some Asgardian books so you could see if you liked them or not. True to his word, later that night you found a stack of four books sitting outside your door with a note from Loki telling you that he had enchanted them to automatically translate from Asgardian to English.

“So...how can you say he doesn’t pay attention to you?” Nat asked, rolling her eyes as if you were oblivious to the attention he had given you. Which, of course, you weren’t. You had finished two of the books already and were chomping at the bit to tell Loki what you thought of them. But there was only one problem. 

“He hasn’t spoken to me since.” You confessed, feeling suddenly very small and stupid. 

“That doesn’t make sense...not even a word?” Wanda asked, so gently you thought your heart would shatter. 

“But see, it does make sense. Because this is what he does. He’ll talk to me and make me feel like I’m the only person in the world and then he’ll fuck off for God knows how long and swoop in just as I’m giving up hope that he’ll ever speak to me again. He has me on his hook and he knows it. But none of that even matters.” 

“Because you’re shoving your feelings down?” Nat offered. 

“Yes, and because he has a girlfriend.” You said, feeling your heart sink as the weight of your words hit you. It’s not like you had expected anything to happen between you two but him being in a relationship was like closing a door you never expected to be open to you to begin with. It hurt and you hated to admit that it hurt and you hated him for making it hurt. 

“Yeah, I had heard Thor talking about Loki and Sygn earlier. How do you feel?” Wanda asked, handing you another bottle of wine. 

“Fine, I feel fine. I literally couldn’t care less.” You lied as you pried the cork out of the bottle and drank a good portion before giving it to Nat. “Okay, enough about me, let’s hear about everyone else.” 

And that was that. For the next few months Loki kept up his sporadic contact with you but he had a girlfriend and you weren’t about to make an even bigger fool of yourself than you probably already had. So you stopped expecting him to talk to you. Stopped sitting straighter when he walked into a room and stopped being disappointed when he didn’t notice you. 

Four months after your girls night with Nat and Wanda there was a Friday night get together with the whole team, Tony’s idea. He said it would be good for bonding. You had gotten the text when you were on your way back from a date. Nothing much, just a casual meet up in Central Park, nothing to write home about. She was fine. A pretty blonde with soft brown eyes and a good laugh but that was it. She was fine. She wasn’t what you were looking for, who you were looking for. As soon as the thought entered your head you promptly shoved it away. He was taken and you just needed to go on a date with someone different that was all. 

You looked at your appearance in the elevator mirror on the ride up. You considered changing out of your light blue floral sundress before the gathering with the team but it appeared it wasn’t meant to be as you could already hear voices bleeding through the doors before they opened. 

You walked out to a mock whistle from Sam which made you dip into a mock bow before you made your way to the kitchen island and fixed yourself a drink. 

“That bad?” Nat smiled as you took a swig of the gin and tonic. 

“It was fine.” You replied, shrugging. “I have another tomorrow so we’ll see.” 

“Another what?” Thor called from the couch, his hand around a glass of amber liquid that you suspected was something much stronger than scotch. 

“Another date!” Nat called out in reply, smiling encouragingly at you. 

“Was the one today not satisfactory?” Thor questioned. 

You rolled your eyes, “it was Fine. Honestly both of you it was fine.” 

“Don’t worry doll, you’re not the only one in the dating game.” Bucky said from the fridge, grabbing himself another beer. 

“Bucky, if you’re about to tell me that you and Steve broke up I will believe that love is truly dead.” 

“Not us doll.” He shook his head and tried and failed to hide his amusement. 

“Then who?” You were very confused and nobody was making things any easier on you. 

“Me.” The voice came from behind you and it chilled you to the bone. You turned to find Loki leaning against the wall fixing the cufflinks on his black suit. His demeanor showed a complete lack of interest but the way his emerald eyes held you in place had a predatory grace that both excited and scared you. 

Loki had been gone for a month on a diplomatic mission and you had heard nothing from him in the meantime. It had been so easy to put him out of your mind, but now you wondered how you could have thought of anything but him. 

“Oh.” Was all you could bring yourself to say. As your heart sped up to a gallop and heat flooded through your body at the way he was looking at you. He shouldn’t be looking at you like that, he had just said he broke up with his girlfriend. You shouldn’t want him to be looking at you like that, you had moved on, hadn’t you? Apparently your body hadn’t gotten the message from your head yet, stupid body. 

One hour and two drinks later you were all sitting around the large kitchen table, each absorbed in their own conversations. You were talking to Tony and Bruce and Loki was in a conversation with his brother but he was only half listening. The other part of him kept sneaking glances at you and you could feel his eyes on your body like a physical touch. After you caught his eye one too many times you excused yourself to the bathroom. You needed to get a hold of yourself. 

You didn’t need this selective attention bullshit again. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t stand spending hours talking to each other one day only for him to not speak to you for days on end after. No, you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and resolved yourself to go back out there and not care. Not to feel his glances on you, not to acknowledge his presence, not to speak to him or play into his games like a fool. Because you weren’t a fool. Pep talk done, you unlocked the door and walked straight into a wall of black. 

You startled and tried to push yourself away only to feel slender arms wrap around your waist and legs walk you back into the bathroom. You managed a few paces back and found yourself looking into Loki’s eyes. They really were the most magnificent shade of green. Damnit. 

“Loki, what are you doing here?” You asked, still too stunned to wonder why he backed you into the bathroom. 

“I’ve been gone for a month and that’s the question you ask me?” He leaned against the door, folded his arms over his chest, and crossed one slender leg over the other. Fuck him for being so attractive right now. 

“You don’t get to do that.” You stated, leafing through your emotions until you found one that suited you, anger. You were angry with him for having you on his hook, angry with him for his sense of entitlement, and angry with him for being attractive. To be fair, the last one wasn’t really his fault. 

“Do what?” He asked, like he really didn’t know what he was doing. 

“You don’t get to go literal months without speaking to me and then demand why I’m not talking to you when you’ve been back all of two hours.” 

“Actually I got home last week.” He replied coolly, pushing off of the door and taking a step closer to you. You rebuffed his advance by taking a step backwards. 

“Thank you for proving my point to me.” 

“What point?” 

“Don’t be obtuse.” You chided. “You’ve been home a week now, haven’t sought me out at all in that time mind you, but now you’re upset that I didn’t speak to you?” 

“I broke up with Sygn.” He said, taking another step towards you, and you took one back in kind. 

“So I’ve heard.” 

“I’ve missed you.” He crooned, advancing towards you until your back was forced against the counter top. 

“And what, exactly, have you missed?” You replied hotly. “Ignoring me until the last possible moment? Making me look pathetic for wanting even a scrap of your attention?” 

He took his thumb and index finger, placed them on your chin, and tilted it up at the same time he lowered his head to your shoulder. 

“Come now darling, I don’t think you’re pathetic.” He breathed into the crook of your neck. Your pulse skyrocketed as your breath hitched and you let out a whimper. Your nails dug into the marble counter in an effort to keep from touching him the way you wanted. To keep from running your fingers through his thick black locks. 

“Loki, I can’t do this.” You pleaded in a whisper even as his hands came to settle on your waist, even as he lifted you effortlessly onto the counter top and stood squarely between your legs, making your dress ride up to your mid thighs. 

“Can’t do what?” He questioned, placing feather light kisses along the column of your throat as his hands moved slowly up your newly exposed thighs. 

You tried to steady yourself even as you felt the throbbing need between your legs and his own need pressed against you. 

“Being near you is like playing with fire, and pretty soon I’m going to get burned.” You huffed, caught between wanting him to stop and wanting him to continue, oh please God continue. 

“Oh pet, haven’t you heard?” He questioned, bringing his lips a hair's breadth away from yours, “I’ve more an affinity for ice.”

[marvelslut16]

Trust me for once

Prompt number: 26 “How about you trust me for once?”

Fandom: Marvel

Paring: Bucky Barnes x reader

Rating: T

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: Swearing. Bitchy/moody Bucky. Angsty. Mentions kidnapping/self-sacrificing 

A/N: I’m thinking of doing a second part to this, thoughts?

It’s been half a year since James Buchanan Barnes officially joined the Avengers, and in those six months he’s befriended everyone on the team. Everyone but you, him and Tony even got over their issues, but the winter soldier can barely get through a simple conversation with you. If he happens to walk into a room where only you are, he’ll immediately turn around and walk out. Bucky’s apparent hatred for you makes it extra awkward being Steve’s other best friend and all. America’s golden boy forces you and Bucky to spend time together because he wants his best friends to be friends. 

You’re leaning into Sam’s side on the couch you two are sharing, it’s movie night at the Avengers compound. You’re quoting the words to Clueless quietly into Sam’s pecs, you got to pick the movie this week. Sam lets out a chuckle as you murmur, “you’re a virgin who can’t drive.”

“That Josh guy looks like Scott,” he whispers to you. 

“Oh my God, he totally does!” you let out a loud laugh. Everyone’s eyes turn to you and Sam’s laughing forms. You chance a glance at Bucky and find his piercing blue eyes glaring at you. You let out a little sigh of disappointment before turning to Scott, “Scott, did you have an acting career back in the day?” 

Tony laughs the loudest, having just been bugging Pepper over the resemblance of the two, which she hadn’t seen. Scott becomes flustered as he denies that Josh looks anything like him, but that only causes you and Sam to start laughing louder. The sound of boots clomping out of the room pulls you from the groups teasing of Scott, only to find Bucky walking out of the theater. 

You unwrap yourself from Sam’s arms and follow Bucky out, Sam and Steve giving your back knowing looks. You find Bucky in the kitchen grabbing a plum with his metal hand, and you have to wonder for nearly the hundredth time if he has feeling in the hand since he never crushes anything with it. 

“You okay?” you grab a glass and fill it with water, trying to give off the impression that you weren’t just following him.

“I’m fine,” he brushes past you heading to his room, and your heart breaks a little that he still won’t try with you. That he still wants nothing to do with you, even though everything he does grabs your attention and pulls you in. What did you do to make him hate you so much? 

Just over a week after the kitchen incident, you not even attempting to speak to him during this time, you see him again in a briefing for your next mission. You’re leaning your head on Steve’s shoulder as you two wait for everyone else to file in, your eyes are starting to droop and cause you to slip back into sleep. You had been out drinking with Steve and Sam the night before, Bucky had opted out, not coming home until close to three in the morning, and being called into the emergency meeting at seven. 

When everyone finally files in, Steve gets up to give the briefing causing you to lean to your right and lean onto Sam. He hands you a hot cup of coffee to match his own, neither of you awake enough for this right now. Steve starts to explain that a new Hydra base has been found and the messages we’ve intercepted seem to lead everyone to believe that they’re looking for a new Winter Soldier. You chance a quick glance at Bucky, seeing his jaw tick in frustration, but his eyes hold a tiredness that doesn’t come from lack of sleep. 

“Okay, so we’re going to go in, in pairs,” Steve starts to give orders. “Sam will be with me, (Y/N) you’ll be with Bucky,” you stop listening after this, sharing a look with Sam. 

Once the meeting ends and people start to file out, you linger hoping to catch a moment with Steve before you have to suit up. “No, I won’t switch anyone around,” Steve doesn’t even look up, already knowing you’re there and what you want. 

“But Steve, it’s dangerous!” you whine. “I don’t want to die because he doesn’t give two shits about me and won’t have my six.”

“Bucky’s not like that,” Steve deadpans, looking up from the file in front of him to meet your eye. 

“I know,” you throw your hands up in frustration. “But we’ve never even done training missions together and you’re throwing us into the deep end here.”

“He won’t let anything happen to you,” a small smirk forming on his face. “And I know you won’t let them anywhere near him.” 

Once in your gear you plop next to Bucky on the quinjet, hoping to at least talk strategy on the flight. “So what's the plan for when we get there?” you skip right to the point, since he clearly hates making small talk with you. He ignores you, instead focusing on sharpening one of his many knives he has on him at all times. You scoff before heading off to Sam, but not before you admire how good Bucky looks with his hair pulled back and clad in his tactical gear, “whatever.”

--

In the base Bucky takes the lead, making sure you stay behind him in case Hydra agents are waiting behind one of the corners. You two reach what seems to be a warehouse holding storage crates full of weapons and new Hydra tech. As you and Bucky peer into a box container that has some weird looking gun, you hear six sets of footsteps and multiple voices speaking in Russian. 

Bucky pulls you behind a tall crate, he’s facing you as you two crouch down and out of view. The footsteps enter the warehouse, voices growing closer and closer to your hiding spot. Too close for either of you to call for backup, you reach a hand up and cover your mouth so you don’t breathe too loud. 

The voices stop a few feet away from you, but the voices continue to talk. They know you’re there, there’s no way they don’t. You and Bucky are just sitting ducks. Fear washes over Bucky’s face for a split second and you know what you have to do. You need to protect him from these people at all costs, even if it means you get hurt. 

“Bucky, we’ve got to run,” you whisper to him, leaning closer so you don’t have to be as loud. 

“They’ll catch us,” his breath tickles your face as he speaks. 

“I know you hate me, but how about you trust me for once?” the look in your eyes begging him to agree. “I’ll cause a distraction with their tech, just run and don’t look back. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Fine, but I don’t like it-”

“You don’t have to like it so long as it gets you out of here safely,” he gives a small nod.

You crawl across the ground, up a few feet to the crate that held the guns from earlier. You take in a shaky deep breath, pasting a fake reassuring smile on your face, before turning and giving Bucky a quick thumbs up. There’s no going back now. 

“Hey dumbasses, over here!” you hop up, grabbing one of the weird looking guns and aiming it at the men. 

Within seconds the men are surrounding you and screaming in Russian. You raise your arms up in surrender, looking through your peripheral to make sure Bucky made it out of the warehouse safely. The last thing you see before you’re being pinned to the ground is Bucky’s fine ass running out the door, rounding a corner and running out of sight. A single tear slips down your face at the uncertainty of your future, and for the fact you never worked things out with Bucky. But he’s safe, and that’s all that matters.

Part two: I trust you

Permeant tags: @crimson-knuckled-queen @rexorangecouny @mrs-malfoy-always

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fire and Light (ao3) - on tumblr: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10

- Chapter 11 -

The Fire Palace was, ironically enough, on fire.

Nie Mingjue had known that something was going to happen since earlier that day, when Meng Yao had breezed in with an unusually pointed announcement that it was “Breakfast as usual!” and then handed him a bowl of glistening red-braised meat. Yesterday’s leftovers, of course, a servant’s share, but more and better than Nie Mingjue had had in quite a while.

He’d looked up at Meng Yao silently in question as he ate, wondering if Meng Yao giving him his own meal – it was obviously that – was a good thing or a bad thing, the final meal of the condemned or a means of gathering strength before an upcoming event of some unknown variety.

Meng Yao looked as tense as a wound-up spring, his normally placid features unusually tight and his attention elsewhere, but he noticed Nie Mingjue’s attention and winked.

Not an execution, then, Nie Mingjue concluded. He might have doubted it if it was someone else, but Meng Yao was fundamentally selfish, deep down in his core, and as long as he enjoyed Nie Mingjue’s company he wouldn’t be willing to release him to the comfort of death and non-existence, no matter how much he might prefer it some days.

Learning to deal with someone like Meng Yao had been a great deal of fun, actually – puzzling out how to talk his language, to try (in vain) to understand his way of thinking, to try to figure out how to appeal to him. Possibly it wouldn’t have been something he’d enjoy if he’d had anything else to do, but, well, he didn’t, and next thing Nie Mingjue knew he was eating meat and Meng Yao was winking at him and he knew that he needed to prepared for whatever happened next.

He hadn’t exactly been expecting a fire, but he supposed he hadn’t really been expecting anything at all.

Except, perhaps, that when he tried the door to his cell, staying low to avoid the smoke, it swung open as if it had never been locked at all.

Meng Yao – thank you.

Nie Mingjue went over to unlock as many of the other cells as he could – as he’d suspected, Meng Yao hadn’t thought of that, or possibly hadn’t bothered to care – before heading back up to the main hallways of the Sun Palace. He wasn’t sure if Meng Yao intended for him to run away or if he was supposed to be doing something else, but surely by now Meng Yao knew that he wasn’t the sort of person to get himself out of trouble.

Not when there was a chance that Meng Yao might need him.

Not when there was a chance –

He lies, Nie Mingjue reminded himself. He likes to hurt you. There’s no reason to believe that they’re actually dead and gone.

The Sun Palace was a mess as well, people running around left and right with panic in their eyes – mostly not people he knew, or who knew him – and whoever had set fire to the Fire Palace had definitely reached here as well. Few of them carried swords, and Nie Mingjue suggested to the handful of staff who considerately stopped to warn him that he was going the wrong way that if they couldn’t get away entirely, they might be safe if they took refuge in the kitchens, in the hope that the invading army would live up to their principles and not engage in a wholesale slaughter and, if it took a turn for the worst, then at least they’d have lots of knives close at hand.

When he opened the door to Nie Huaisang’s old room, he saw someone move out of the corner of his eye. For a moment his heart was in his mouth, hoping – but no, it wasn’t his brother.

It was a boy about the same age, though. He was not quite yet fifteen at a guess – a child, really, and who let a child join in with an army?! – and was wearing dark clothing with no clan insignia, a sword at his side and a single red ribbon woven through his hair. He was holding a long box that he’d dug out from underneath one of the stones in the floor.

He looked up just as Nie Mingjue looked down, their eyes meeting.

“Uh,” the boy said. “You don’t look like a guard.”

“I’m not,” Nie Mingjue said. “You don’t look like my brother.”

“Your brother…? Oh!” The boy smiled, suddenly, and the expression transformed his face into something far livelier and good-natured, although Nie Mingjue suspected that he saw more than a little arrogance mixed in there, the sort that’d undoubtedly get the boy into trouble one day. “In that case, this box is for you, da-ge!”

The boy said it in an especially familiar tone - had they met before? Nie Mingjue didn’t think they had.

He thought he might remember having taken on a little brother like this, full of mischief.

But he accepted the box, more out of bemusement than anything else, and knew from the second it was in his arms what it contained.

“Baxia,” he breathed, his eyes stinging with tears as he drew her – he’d missed her so very much, during his time below, and he thanked his brother’s wisdom in hiding her. Nie Huaisang must have acted very quickly, right after Nie Mingjue’s failed attack on Wen Ruohan, spiriting her away when everyone was still distracted…Nie Mingjue looked at the boy. “How did you know..?”

“Nie-xiong told me,” he said. “I’m Wei Wuxian, of the Yunmeng Jiang – I’m sworn brothers with Wen Ning, which makes you my big brother, too!”

Well, that at least explained that.

“Is A-Ning all right?” he asked. “Is - is Huaisang…?”

“They’re both fine,” Wei Wuxian assured him, and Nie Mingjue might adopt him as a younger brother for real just for bringing him that news. “Nie-xiong sent me here to help rescue you!”

“You’re too young.”

“…fine, I told him I was smuggling myself along anyway no matter what anyone said and asked if he had any requests, and he told me that if I’m going to make a fool of myself I may as well make myself useful and get Baxia.”

Nie Mingjue hoped that meant that Nie Huaisang had assumed that this part of the Sun Palace would be out of the way of the fighting, although knowing his brother, he might have just decided that Baxia was more important. He had a bad tendency to slip into Qishan Wen-like sneaky thinking when Nie Mingjue wasn’t around to correct him…

“Where is the fighting happening?” Nie Mingjue asked.

“The main hall,” Wei Wuxian said promptly, then pause. “You’re asking so that we can avoid it, right?”

Nie Mingjue liked to think of Meng Yao as a prison guard, and he was, but Nie Mingjue was one of Wen Ruohan’s precious prisoners, one of the ones he liked to cradle in his fist like pearls, and you didn’t get a job like that – being one of Wen Ruohan’s chief torturers – without being close to the man himself.

And that meant Meng Yao was facing danger from all sides: from the attackers, who would see Meng Yao’s Wen robes and Wen sword and not think twice, and from Wen Ruohan, if he ever figured out the extremely obvious truth that Meng Yao was a spy.

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, and turned his feet towards the main hall. “You can go, though.”

“Are you kidding? Your brothers would kill me if I let you go alone – and that’s probably for the best, they can get rid of me before Wen Qing gets to me.”

“They won’t kill you. Sect Leader Wen will.”

“…I’m still coming with you,” Wei Wuxian said.

“How good are you with your sword?”

“Good enough – and, hey, at least I don’t look like I just spent the last few months in prison or something!”

“I was in prison,” Nie Mingjue pointed out, mostly because it was funny to see Wei Wuxian try to swallow his tongue. He didn’t waste time objecting to him coming along, though – if necessary, he could distract Wen Ruohan himself while Wei Wuxian got Meng Yao out.

The corridor was lined with bodies in all sorts of colors, Wen, Lan, Jiang, and even somehow the familiar colors of the Nie sect, which he hadn’t been sure anyone still wore. Nie Mingjue rushed forward, unable to shake the feeling that something bad was happening, and burst in through the doors only to see Wen Xu crumpled on the floor, on his knees but not injured or bleeding, his father towering above him, and Meng Yao one step behind him, his sword in hand and moving forward to stab, but Wen Ruohan wasn’t distracted enough – he had noticed him, was turning towards him –

“Wen-dog!” Nie Mingjue shouted. “Go fuck your mother!”

He’d never actually cursed Wen Ruohan out loud before, a mix of terror and survival instinct, and maybe it was that that made Wen Ruohan stop in surprise for just a moment, just a breath, a heartbeat, and that was enough time for Meng Yao to complete his swing.

Wen Ruohan staggered, struck, and he lashed out with his hand, sending Meng Yao flying.

“Go help him,” Nie Mingjue ordered Wei Wuxian, who was already moving, and he took three steps and sent Baxia out ahead of him.

Wen Ruohan tried to bat it away, like a cat to a mouse, but if he knew Nie Mingjue too well by now then Nie Mingjue also knew him in turn; he hadn’t bothered to send his saber straight at him but past, letting Baxia use her blunt end to full effect in spinning herself around with the momentum of Wen Ruohan’s own blow and using the extra force when driving herself straight into his back.

Wen Ruohan spat out a mouthful of blood.

Before he could collect himself, Nie Mingjue was in front of him, his hands on his neck, and Wen Ruohan choked, the blood welling up in the back of his throat given no release. His eyes were bloodshot, his impressive cultivation an unstable mess from all the fighting he’d been doing for months and now the two unexpected stab wounds, his hands reaching up to try to tear Nie Mingjue’s hands away, but Nie Mingjue wasn’t going to let him. He refused to let him, pulling freely from the deep reserves of his own cultivation, strengthened through years of practice and meditation, maintained even in prison through discipline and boredom. He had so much, had wasted so much, never using his power the way it was meant to be used, to eradicate evil and protect the innocent, but rather just pointlessly stockpiling it for years and years while trapped in the Nightless City – but that was all fine.

He only needed to be strong enough for this one moment in time.

“Rabid dogs,” he said, “need to be put down.”

Wen Ruohan’s eyes widened in recognition of the words he himself had spoken all those years before when he’d killed Nie Mingjue’s father twice over, once with his saber and another with his own hands.

The light of recognition was still there in his eyes when Nie Mingjue snapped his neck.

“Fuck,” Meng Yao said from where Wei Wuxian was helping him up, wheezing a bit. “I was hoping to do that myself, da-ge. I need it.”

Nie Mingjue shrugged and crooked his finger, Baxia pulling herself out of Wen Ruohan’s chest to cut off his head. “You struck the first blow,” he said, nodding at the head that tumbled down to the floor. “You can take credit for the whole thing.”

He didn’t need credit. There was Wen Ruohan’s blood on Baxia’s blade, his last breath on Nie Mingjue’s hands – he could burn incense for his father at last, and hope that he enjoyed the prizes his son, so belatedly filial, had at last won for him.

“Mingjue-xiong!” Wen Xu shouted, having gotten up off the floor, and threw himself at him. The movement was very agile, which meant that Nie Mingjue’s assumption that he was uninjured – that he’d been felled more by his fear of his father, the poisonous anxiety his father had cultivated in him deliberately, than by pain – was correct. “You’re all right!”

Nie Mingjue staggered with the weight of Wen Xu in his arms, with his arms around him and holding him tight.

“Mingjue…?” Meng Yao’s jaw gaped open like a fish. “Wait, you’re Nie Mingjue?!”

“Did you not know that?” Wei Wuxian asked him, gingerly picking up Wen Ruohan’s head by its hair. “Actually, come to think about it, who are you?”

“Consider A-Yao as my younger brother,” Nie Mingjue told Wei Wuxian. “Since you’re sworn brothers with A-Ning, you can consider him a brother as well.”

Hopefully that connection, and any others Nie Mingjue could scrounge up, would be enough to make up for Nie Mingjue having put his revenge ahead of Meng Yao’s ambitions. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that Meng Yao needed Wen Ruohan’s head in order to win a place at his father’s side – to get the name he was entitled to, the name he’d promised his mother he’d get – and Nie Mingjue had taken that from him.

“You said you were nobody important!” Meng Yao said accusingly, uncharacteristically off-balance, glaring at Nie Mingjue like he’d done something to him personally. “That people had probably forgotten you!”

“That’s our Mingjue-xiong, all right,” Wen Xu said, grinning. He didn’t so much as glance at the body at their feet, but his eyes were a little wet, glassy with relief – an ancient fear finally defeated, not a beloved father lost. Nie Mingjue was unwillingly glad that they had broken their father-son bond so thoroughly; he would have killed Wen Ruohan anyway, but he would have regretted causing Wen Xu pain. “Never listen to anything he says about himself, that’s the first rule. So you’re another of Mingjue-xiong’s younger brothers, huh? I guess that makes you one of us, then.”

“Us?” Nie Mingjue echoed. “What are you talking about, you’re older than me –”

“Doesn’t matter, doesn’t count!”

“You’re four years older –”

“I’m going to call you da-ge from now on and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

-

When Nie Mingjue had thought of travel – and he had thought of it often, trapped behind the walls of the Nightless City, unable to leave – he had imagined himself flying on Baxia, or maybe riding a horse on a long journey, the animal laden with all the baggage. He excelled at both skills within close quarters, and his endurance was similarly excellent – how different could long-distance travel be?

He hadn’t expected to be making his first journey in years in a carriage.

It might even be the same carriage that brought him and Nie Huaisang to the Nightless City that first time, large and echoing, as vacant and barren as their hearts had been.

Of course, it wasn’t vacant now.

“– and of course the walls are made of stone, so there really wasn’t that much damage,” Nie Huaisang was saying enthusiastically, waving his fan around like a saber, though he’d never admit as much. “Some tapestries, some chairs, that sort of thing, things that can be replaced –”

“I tried to preserve as much as possible,” Wen Xu interjected, still somehow looking guilty despite having been told a dozen times over that Nie Mingjue didn’t hold him accountable for having burned the Unclean Realm. “I let word go in advance, they were able to move a lot of things out, evacuate –”

“Things can be remade, people cannot,” Jin Zixuan agreed quietly, ducking his head when Wen Xu wrapped a companionable arm over his shoulders in thanks for his support. They’d apparently gotten close after Wen Xu had officially defected, bringing over those Wen sect cultivators that did not wish to engage in Wen Ruohan’s wars of conquering or who were disgusted by the way their side had conducted themselves during the war to date; Wen Xu had been leading his own men, but being able to take people with him didn’t mean anything about provisioning them, and Qingheng-jun as the general of the overall campaign had assigned the Jin sect to assist.

Jin Guangshan had probably thought, when he agreed, that it would end up with Wen Xu in his debt, a rosy future in which the Jin sect controlled two of the five Great Sects even after Wen Xu recovered the vast Wen sect coffers that were his birthright.

He was probably not expecting Wen Xu to save his son’s life in battle, or for the two of them to impulsively swear brotherhood as a result.

There was, Nie Mingjue reflected, an awful lot of that going around.

Wen Ning, for example, was currently sitting at one corner of the carriage playing some sort of bizarre hand-gesture game with his two sworn brothers, the Jiang sect boys, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. Exactly what meritorious deed they had done together to justify such an oath remained a little vague – Nie Mingjue suspected, based on various comments, that they might have done it purely to keep Wen Ning at the Lotus Pier when Wen Ruohan had started to make noises about bringing him home.

Regardless, Wen Ning was happier than Nie Mingjue had ever seen him – Wei Wuxian’s brash and outgoing nature was rubbing off on him a little, making him more confident, while he positively blossomed under Jiang Cheng’s harsh scolding-as-affection, which was similar enough to Nie Mingjue’s own that Wen Ning was by now thoroughly versed in how to accept it. He, in turn, was able to bridge the gap between the two of them, acting as a translator when each boy’s issues interfered with communication, and the three of them were by this point utterly inseparable.

Nie Huaisang had apparently thought the idea was marvelous and insisted on a sworn brotherhood triad of his own – Wen Chao, of course, and surprisingly enough Lan Wangji, who apparently had been conspiring with the two of them in regards to the war ever since his visit to the Nightless City so long ago. Nie Mingjue had no idea how that brotherhood had managed to work out, given Wen Chao’s bizarre affinity for Lan Wangji’s father (they’d agreed to share), Lan Wangji’s tendency to communicate exclusively in barely visible facial expressions whenever possible, and of course Nie Huaisang’s rampant but ultimately harmless tendencies towards self-indulgence causing disasters left and right all the time, but they all certainly seemed very happy about it.

(Lan Wangji was currently sitting next to Wei Wuxian, watching the game – in all accuracy, Wei Wuxian was halfway into his lap, given the cramped nature of the carriage, but Lan Wangji didn’t seem to mind.

It was an interesting parallel to Wen Chao, sitting across from him, with Wang Lingjiao in his lap…)

Wen Qing, at least, did not have sworn sisters.

Yet.

It was apparently a subject being seriously discussed, along with Jiang Yanli and a Jin sect girl variously referred to Mianmian or Luo Qingyang, but they hadn’t reached any conclusions as of yet.

That had not stopped either girl from addressing Nie Mingjue, rather cheekily, as da-ge.

In fact, it hadn’t stopped any of them from doing that.

Even Lan Xichen – currently sitting and chatting with Meng Yao with great enthusiasm – had joined in, apparently on the basis of his younger brother being sworn brothers with Nie Mingjue’s younger brother. The whole thing smacked of Nie Huaisang’s reasoning from start to end, but Nie Mingjue couldn’t dispute that it was rather nice to see so many people happily calling each other brother and sister – the cultivation world hadn’t been peaceful enough for such familiarity in at least a generation.

Of course, the fact that they’d all thirteen of them insisted on squeezing into the carriage with him, which was spacious but not quite at the level of a qiankun pouch, was making it abruptly clear to Nie Mingjue that he had – somehow – assumed responsibility as the elder brother of the vast majority of the younger generation of the Great Sects.

Possibly that was going to become troublesome once the older generation realized.

Probably, even.

This carriage ride was probably going to be the thing that made everyone realize it.

(There were those that already knew, of course – in his brief meeting with her, Sect Leader Yu had gruffly informed him that she whole-heartedly adopted Nie Huaisang’s interpretation of how sworn familial relationships worked and therefore, as the older brother of her grandson’s sworn brother, he ought to give up and resign himself to calling her grandmother already, and then there had been Lan Qiren who hadn’t even bothered to logically justify any of the most un-Lan-like hugs he had insisted on giving him. But everyone else in the cultivation world was probably going to be in for a bit of a shock…)

Nie Mingjue himself had been very firmly placed in the center of the carriage where the bumps had the least impact, and which was also conveniently within arms’ reach of everyone. They’d all picked up a tendency to reach out to touch him every once in a while, as if reminding themselves that he was there and not dead and not about to vanish out into the ether. Even the ones he didn’t know that well at first had very quickly lost their reserve around him, which Nie Mingjue ascribed to mob mentality and everyone else ascribed to him exuding an aura of trustworthiness and reliability – Nie Huaisang declared that he just felt like a big brother – which Nie Mingjue thought sounded silly but everyone else agreed with fervently enough that he realized it was time to stop arguing.

There had been a lot of tears when they’d found each other again, a series of meetings that had left him drained and dehydrated and so, so happy. Wen Ruohan hadn’t killed a single one of them.

Nie Mingjue had then given everyone a scare by collapsing, more out of relief than anything else, but that scare was presumably why he was stuck in the invalid’s place even all this time later – he wasn’t actually an invalid any longer, no matter what Wen Qing darkly insisted and everyone else tried to enforce, he’d even started gaining back some of the weight he’d lost in the Fire Palace and he was swinging Baxia free and clear in carefully monitored trainings that made his heart sing – but in all honesty he didn’t mind or, more accurately, didn’t care.

He was going home.

Back home to Qinghe, to the Unclean Realm, which he hadn’t seen for five years and more. Back to his Nie sect, which demanded that he be recognized as their sect leader by seemingly unanimous acclaim despite there being a plausible argument that he’d not made much of a contribution in the war – an argument that, whenever he mentioned it, made every single one of his now-siblings bristle and hiss like cats, and, whenever anyone else mentioned it, made him have to quickly run damage control before his vengeful mob could plot their utter destruction. Even the interim Sect Leader Nie, a cousin of his, had yielded up the position at once, even though he might’ve had a reasonable argument to keep it.

The world was in chaos, the politics of the situation following Wen Ruohan’s demise not yet sorted out, there was rebuilding and healing to be done, truces to be reached, forgiveness to be given out, justice to be achieved, endless amounts of work to be done –

None of that mattered right now.

Nie Mingjue was going back to the place he loved the most, with the people he loved the most by his side.

He didn’t know what to expect when they arrived. He thought it would be something good.

- END -

[captainshorter]

We all know that airport scene where Neil calls Wymack to pick him up after he got back from the ravens? Imma write that in Wymack's point of view just because i can, i want to and also because I've recently seen a beautiful art piece from this scene by @lunapiq

Trigger warning: abuse, wounds, self harm, and just all terrible things be careful with reading this.

Wymack was sitting comfortably on the couch, feet on the table and a bottle of scotch in his hands, the TV was on quietly. It was ultimately relaxing, no press, no Abby, no Betsy, no troublesome fo--

He wasn't even finished with the sentence in his head or his phone rang. He grabbed it and flipped it open. Neil's name was on display.

Wymack picked up after he let it ring for a while, "You have a good reason to be bothering me on a holiday?"

There was a soft sigh on the other side of the phone. "I didn't know who else to call." Neil answered. Wymack almost didn't recognise the voice on the other side. He sat up turning the TV off. "Neil?" Wymack's annoyance had changed into worry, "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright. I know it's kinda sudden but can you come get me? I'm at the airport." Neil said. "Stay there, I'm on my way." Wymack answered and he hung up. He was up on his feet and grabbed his keys.

Wymack couldn't help but wonder what had happened, was it Neil's parents? Did his big dumbass mouth get him into a fight again?

Wymack would lie if anyone asked but he drove a little faster than the speed limit. He knew something was terribly wrong if even Neil admitted he wasn't fine, and he claimed often he was fine even if he wasn't.

Wymack arrived at the airport and he parked his car. He walked towards the entrance but he spotted a figure sitting on the curb. Coach had only recognized the kid because of how Neil-like he was sitting, Wymack knew how all of his foxes looked just by looking at how they walked or sit. Everything else about what Wymack thought was Neil, was different, at least everything Wymack could seem, his hair wasn't black anymore, it was an auburn colour. The kid was covered in bandages.

Wymack crouched down and touched Neil's shoulder with a hand. "Up." Wymack said and he helped Neil up to his feet.

Neil looked at him, blue eyes instead of brown eyes scanned Wymack's face absentmindly. Wymack managed to hide the shock and he helped Neil into his car.

Wymack got into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut. He had questions but he waited till they got home.

The kid that looked like Neil had fallen asleep and Wymack had no choice but to carry him upstairs, he could have waken him up but the kid looked tired enough already. He somehow managed to get them both and Neil's bag into the apartment without much trouble.

Wymack grabbed his desk chair from his study room and sat down in the livingroom. Wymack sipped the scotch till it was almost empty and then he closed the cap on it.

Wymack waited patiently for Neil to wake up and when Neil finally did he watched Neil push himself up while groaning.

His face wasn't the only thing bruised up then, Wymack thought.

"I'm sorry." was the first thing Neil said and Wymack had to fight the urge to roll his eyes instead he answered, "He sounds like Neil, but he doesn't look like him. I'll take your explanation from the top without a side order of bullshit."

Neil looked at Wymack quietly before reaching up to his hair.

"No." Neil eyes went wide. Neil stood up and stumbled to the bathroom. Wymack not surprised at all. Neil looked at the mirror and grabbed the sides of the sink. Wymack watched Neil from the doorway. Neil's expression went from confused to concerned to terrified and Wymack noticed he stopped breathing as he gaped at himself in the mirror.

"Breathe." Wymack stepped forward and put a firm hand against Neil's back. Neil started to panic more and Wymack didn't have to think about the next thing to do. He fished a cigeratte and lighter out of his pocket and he lit the cigeratte. The snap of the lighter made Neil turn his head to Wymack and he grabbed the cigeratte from his hand.

Neil's breaths were deep and raspy, like it hurt when he was breathing. Eventually Neil started to cough loudly, which turned into laughing. Wymack didn't know why he was laughing but Neil sounded a little hysterical. Neil covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the sound.

"Neil, i need you to talk to me." Wymack tried to interrupt the laughter, it worked.

"I think i pulled my stitches." Neil said after he caught his breath again, "I feel blood."

"Where?"

"Everywhere." Neil started to clumsily undoing his coat buttons, Wymack slapped his hand away and helped Neil. It was a struggle but they managed to get Neil's coat off. Neil moved on to pull off his gloves. He put the top of the glove into his mouth and he tugged, Neil winced. Wymack noticed the expression on his face and he pried the gauze and tape off his cheek.

Wymack's stomach turned slightly at the sight and he went still, "Neil, the fuck is on your face?"

Neil freed his hand from the glove and touched his fingers to his cheek where the black 4 was tattooed.

He looked at the mirror again and the colour that was left on his face, now completely dissapeared. Wymack was stunned and had certainly not expected a violent reaction. That was the only reason why Neil managed to push past Wymack and Neil shot to the kitchen. Wymack immediately followed and by the time he got into the kitchen Neil had pulled a knife from the wooden block on Wymack's counter. Wymack reacted quickly and seized Neil's wrist before he got to reach the knife to his face. Neil fought back, but Wymack knew Neil didn't stand a chance. He was hurt and bruised, he was panicking because of the thing on his face.

Wymack slammed Neil's hand down om the counter until he lost grip on the knife. Neil reached for it again but Wymack pushed Neil to floor. He put both arms around Neil tightly, there was no way Neil could get free. Wymack felt a pang in his chest, he didn't want to hold his foxes down like this, especially when they were already hurt but he had no choice. Neil still tried to fight Wymack off of him but it was no use.

"Hey," Wymack sounded calm as ever even though in his head it was a emotional mess, "Hey, it's alright." Wymack knew these words weren't necessarily true but at least Neil was safe now, safe with him. "Neil." Neil stopped wriggling in Wymack's grip, his hands held onto Wymack's shirt, one on his sleeve the other crumbled to a fist in the front of his shirt. Neil trembled in Wymack's arms. "Help me." Neil gritted through his teeth.

"Let me." Wymack responded softly. Wymack waited for Neil to catch his breath.

Once Neil's breathing was back to normal Wymack shot a question at him, "What the fuck happened? Last i heard you were spending Christmas with your uncle."

"I lied." Neil responded, "Andrew's coming back to us on Tuesday, all right? If Easthaven hasn't called Betsy yet to arrange the ride they will soon." Wymack was confused, "They called yesterday but what does Andrew have to do with this?" Wymack asked.

"Everything that matters." Neil responded.

"That's not an answer."

Did this have anything to do with before Andrew got taken to Easthaven? When they were in Andrew's house in Columbia? Wymack thought.

"I'm sorry." Neil responded softly. Why did Neil always felt the need to apologise, Wymack didn't know, "Shut up." Shut up, there is nothing to apologise for. There was a silence for a couple of minutes before Wymack spoke up again, "Can i let go of you and trust you to behave or are you going to try to cut off your face again? I want to check on your stiches."

"I'll behave." Neil nodded.

"Forgive me if i dont trust you." Wymack said but he let go of Neil slowly. Wymack took Neil out of the kitchen, away from the knives and sharp things.

Neil couldn't take his shirt off himself Wymack realised that even before he gestured Neil to pull off his shirt. Wymack stood up to get a pair of scissors. Neil held perfectly still as Wymack cut through the front of his shirt.

Wymack didn't say anything about the scars all over Neil's body, but his blood started to boil, he kept his cool for Neil. Wymack scanned Neil's body with a clinical eye. He got rid of the bandage and surveyed the damage underneath them. Wymack stood up and left the room to get a wet towel and also to put himself together. He knew Neil wasn't okay and he also knew who might have done this judging by the four on his cheek but he hadn't expected it to be that bad.

Wymack was there to give his foxes a second chance, to help them, to protect them, he'd failed to do the latter. Wymack went back to Neil with the wet towel and the first aid kit.

Neil tried to take the cloth from Wymack but his hands couldn't keep a grip on them. Wymack pushed Neil's hands out of the way and scrubbed the dried blood from Neil. "One day we're going to talk about this." Wymack said in a low voice.

"After we beat the ravens, then I'll tell you whatever you want, I'll even tell you the truth." Neil answered weakly. Wymack wanted nothing more than to punch the one who'd hurt Neil. But seeing Riko lose in the finals would be a little satisfying too.

[fridayfirefly]

crushed petals, shattered glass, and other broken things

Read crushed petals, shattered glass, and other broken things on AO3

Masterlist

For Maribat March Day 17 - Court of Owls

Marinette was twelve years old, and she was a knife. Delicate in her looks, deceiving in her appearance, Marinette was the most dangerous weapon in the arsenal of the Court of Owls. She was an assassin. She was a spy. She was clever, cunning, versatile. Most importantly, she was a knife, a sharp tool to be used to inflict violence. It was a role that suited her well. Marinette was training to become the Talon of the Court of Owls, and she was untouchable.

-----

Marinette was thirteen years old, and she wanted to know how she came to be. Procreation was easy to understand scientifically, but part of Marinette's brain objected to the idea that she had two parents. Marinette was a knife, and knives were forged by hammer and fire, sharpened to a point by tools so that it might become a tool itself. Marinette could not have come from something as human as love. Love has no role in the creation of a knife.

To settle the conflict, Marinette did what she did best - she snooped around, gathered intel, and created the most likely version of events. From what she could tell, her Grandmother, an associate of the Court of Owls but not an actual member, betrayed the Court. As punishment, Marinette was taken away from her family to be raised by the Court. Marinette's surname, kept hidden from her for thirteen years, was Dupain-Cheng.

The very concept of a surname was blasphemous. Marinette had no family. She belonged to the Court of Owls. And yet, sometimes at night, when she was alone in the dark, Marinette mouthed the words, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Something deep within her stirred.

-----

Marinette was fourteen years old, and she was supposed to kill the whole family. The mother and father, Marinette knew she could kill, but to kill their three children felt inhumane. The youngest wasn't even a year old. Marinette had completed hundreds of missions identical to this one. Sneak in, poison the food, sneak out, wait for the obituary in the newspaper in a day or two. However, this time Marinette couldn't do it.

Marinette cut the tracking chip out of her neck, crushed it beneath her boot, and disappeared into the shadows of the city. It was entirely unplanned, the only reason that Marinette was able to escape. Marinette didn't know much about life in the outside world, but she knew that it had to be better than the alternative, spending the rest of her life as a tool of the Court of Owls.

What Marinette didn't know was that the city she was disappearing into had a certain reputation. Soon, as she learned the true nature of Gotham, Marinette would wish that she stayed with the Court.

-----

Marinette was fifteen years old, and she now knew the true depravity of man. There was so much tragedy on the streets of Gotham. Some of the tragedies Marinette was able to prevent. Knives, after all, are just as good at preventing violence as they are at inflicting it. For other tragedies, Marinette was only able to witness the aftermath. For the victims, she had nothing to give. Knives can only hurt, they cannot heal.

Marinette loathes Gotham, a hatred that burns through her down to her core. In the Court of Owls, violence was planned. On the streets of Gotham, violence was random. It was so much worse. But a safer city would be more dangerous for Marinette, who needed deep shadows to hide in.

Marinette lived on the streets. She knew that she could pickpocket enough money to rent an apartment. It would be easy, the roughest slums of Gotham, to find someone willing to rent to a child, so long as they had the money. But Marinette's fear and pain had nothing to do with the physical conditions of living on the streets. It was all psychological. The horrors that Marinette had seen haunted her like a ghost.

The worst incident was Hannah, whose death shattered Marinette to her very core. Hannah was only seventeen years old, only two years older than Marinette herself. Marinette didn't know much about the girl, other than that she was on the streets because her boyfriend had threatened to kill her and the police wouldn't do anything until there was physical proof. Except, the way Hannah explained it was that the police wouldn't get involved until she was already dead. Marinette had offered to protect the older girl, but she shooed her away. Hannah told Marinette that she wouldn't let anything happen to herself. She told Marinette that she was tough.

Evidently, Hannah wasn't tough enough for the streets of Gotham. Marinette cried over the body for thirty minutes, cried so hard for so long that she knew she wasn't a knife anymore. Knives would never cry. Knives would cut right back. But Marinette was so sick of violence, so she cried and cried. Eventually, she knocked on the door of a house down the street, asking to borrow a phone to call the police and report a murder. Hannah's body was taken away. The police were ambivalent, they didn't even ask Marinette for a statement. To the police, Hannah was another victim of Gotham and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

This world was so deeply and terribly bad that Marinette didn't know how the rest of the world could survive it. Marinette didn't know if she wanted to survive it.

-----

Marinette was sixteen years old, and she finally got herself involved in the vigilante side of Gotham. Before Red Hood entered the scene, Crime Alley was a mess of villains and vigilantes, in a constant battle between chaos and order. Marinette never got involved. She had spent many years as a weapon, long enough to learn that a weapon can only harm and can never heal.

Red Hood toed the line between villain and vigilante. His network of crime was more civilized than any other the other organizations vying for control of Gotham. He kept the streets safe by keeping the most dangerous players in line. Marinette had to admit, he did more good for Crime Alley than Gotham's actual police force.

Still, that didn't mean that Marinette wanted to get involved. She preferred to keep to herself, keep out of the way, and keep in the shadows. It was safer that way.

That November evening when Marinette met Red Hood was cold. The rain that had come in the afternoon had frozen to ice. Marinette shivered as she sat in the alleyway, back against the brick wall, arms wrapped around her knees, hugging herself into a tight little ball. Winter was fast approaching, and Marinette knew that she needed to find better shelter.

Marinette hadn't been quick enough. Marinette should have fled the alley as soon as she saw the three brutish men start walking down it, but she was so cold she wasn't sure if she would be able to get her feet to move. By the time Marinette had gotten her feet under her to stand up, the three men were surrounding her.

The man in the middle leered at her. "You look cold. Why don't you come with us? We'll keep you warm."

There wasn't a trace of a question in his voice. It was a command. However, Marinette knew what happened to the girls who took up the offer, so she vigorously shook her head. She would rather freeze to death than join him in his bed.

"That wasn't a question," he growled, reaching down to grab her and pull her to her feet.

"I wouldn't touch her if I were you," an unfamiliar voice piped up from farther down the alley. "I just might have to remove your hand if you do."

"Red Hood! I was just helping the girl to her feet. I swear I wasn't going to do anything to her." The man sounded terrified, and for good reason. The punishment that Red Hood chose for rapists was well known for its brutality.

"You should leave," snapped Red Hood. The men hurried out of the alleyway, running without looking back. Marinette watched them go, relief rushing through her.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Red Hood asked, offering Marinette a hand to help her to her feet.

Marinette shook her head, squeezing herself into a tighter ball.

"I can take you to the nearest homeless shelter or I can take you to the nearest of my safehouses until I set you up in something permanent."

"I'm fine here," mumbled Marinette. It was the first time she had spoken in weeks. Her own voice sounded foreign to her.

Red Hood scoffed. "You'll freeze to death out here. It's either a homeless shelter or a safehouse. I don't leave girls out on the streets. Not in Gotham. Not in Crime Alley."

Marinette shivered, feeling more than miserable. It was obvious that she wasn't going to be able to convince Red Hood to leave her. A homeless shelter might need identification, which Marinette didn't have. Going to his safehouse was her best bet. "Safehouse."

Red Hood pulled Marinette to her feet. "Alright, safehouse it is. Mind telling me your name?"

"Marinette."

"No last name?"

Marinette shook her head. She hadn't earned a surname yet.

Red Hood took her back to the safehouse and got her settled, bringing over groceries every week as he tried to tempt her into giving him more information about herself. Marinette was reticent to tell him about her past. She doubted that he would still trust her enough to leave her alone if he learned that she used to work as an assassin.

However, Marinette couldn't keep that secret for very long. Two months after meeting Red Hood, as she waited in the kitchen for him to arrive with his weekly delivery of groceries, Marinette was caught off guard as a dark figure burst through the door and attacked her. Marinette didn't want to fight the dark-haired girl, but to be honest she couldn't see any other option, considering the other girl attacked first. The girl was skilled and Marinette was out of practice, after two years away from the Court. The best she could do was hold the other girl off while she tried to figure out an escape plan.

Red Hood came in the front door, which was already ajar from the entrance of the other girl. "Black Bat, stop! Marinette is my guest here," shouted Red Hood over the commotion of the fight.

Black Bat ceased her offensive, falling back into a defensive crouch. She pointed one finger at Marinette and accused, "Talon."

Marinette cringed back. "Not anymore. Never, ever again."

Red Hood stared at Marinette in shock. "You were an assassin?"

Marinette nodded miserably, wishing she could be anywhere else. She should have escaped the safehouse when she had the chance, but her stupid brain decided that Red Hood's safehouse would be a good place as any to spend the winter months.

"Cass? Jason? Why was the door left open...?" The civilian man who walked through the open door stared at the scene in front of him in confusion.

"Aliases, Grayson!" exclaimed Red Hood, or, Jason as he had just been named. Jason took off his mask, casting it aside as he ran his hand through his hair with a groan. "Black Bat, you take Marinette back to the bedroom and help her put bruise cream on wherever you managed to hit her. Grayson, you're coming with me back to the cave so we can explain this situation to you-know-who." Jason almost reached the door before he let out a loud swear "Fuck! I cannot believe that I have to be the responsible one here."

As Jason and his friend left the safehouse, Marinette followed Black Bat - Cass - down the hallway to the bedroom. "Sit," ordered Cass, pointing towards the bed as she starting digging through the bathroom cabinet, looking for bruise cream.

Marinette stripped off her shirt so that Cass could get to the bruises. The only significant hit was a kick to the chest that knocked the breath out of Marinette. It was already turning yellow. Marinette poked it and grimaced at the twinge of pain that followed.

"Don't worry," said Cass as she started to rub the medicine onto Marinette's chest. "Jason will keep you safe."

Cass wasn't lying. Whatever Jason said or did in the hours that he was gone that day, it worked. Two days later, Marinette was moving into Wayne Manor.

Jason explained it all to her on the drive over. "Bruce - Batman - doesn't want an ex-assassin living on the streets in Crime Alley, especially not one in possession of compromising information about our identities. Given that you've already taken the first step towards reformation, Bruce is pretty confident that you're safe to live in the house. He'll help you get back on your feet, get you a new identity, an education, or anything you need."

Marinette froze for a moment, then wrapped Jason up in a hug. It was her first hug and it was better than she expected. "Thank you."

-----

Marinette was seventeen years old, and she finally had a family. The Wayne household was a chaotic place. Marinette used to think that she hated chaos, but she could now see the appeal. Coffee at midnight with Tim, practicing acrobatics with Dick, racing motorcycles with Jason, rescuing farm animals with Damian - none of it was normal, and because of that, Marinette loved it. However, when things got overwhelming and Marinette needed a break from the chaos, she always knew where to go.

Cass was one of the only quiet Waynes (the other being Alfred). In fact, she barely spoke at all. Marinette had learned that she and Cass had quite a few similarities in the nature of their childhoods. They were both taken from at least one of their parents, both raised to be assassins from a young age, both were isolated from the rest of society. Where they differed was the particulars of their education. Cass was raised without language, and she only learned how to speak after she escaped from her father's grasp.

One night, after a patrol that led to Marinette stumbling upon a body that reminded her of Hannah from all those years ago, Marinette walked through the halls of the Manor to Cass's bedroom. All anyone wanted was for Marinette to talk about it. Cass was the only person who wouldn't make that demand of Marinette.

Marinette knocked on the door, two quiet little knocks. Cass cracked open the door, then gestured for Marinette to come inside. Marinette settled down on the couch in the corner, trying to pick out the questions that she wanted to ask Cass. There were so many questions, but Marinette knew that only a few of them were worth asking. They sat in silence for a while, Marinette so lost in thought that she almost forgot that Cass was there, too. Finally, Marinette settled on the question. "Do you ever wish that you could change the past?"

Cass was silent, deep in thought for a few moments before she shook her head. "No."

"Not even if it meant that you could have had a normal childhood?"

"I had a hard childhood," Cass acknowledged. "I like where I ended up. I wouldn't be here without my childhood."

Marinette had one last question to ask. "If you're able to speak now, why do you barely talk."

"I learned to speak," agreed Cass, going silent for a moment before continuing. "I have become proficient at using words to deliver information but I lack the skill to converse with others. I find it difficult to use any more words than necessary. For that reason, people do not like talking to me. I do not talk to those who do not want to talk to me."

"I like talking to you," said Marinette, squeezing Cass's hand. "I can talk enough for the both of us. You don't mind my talking, do you?"

Cass shook her head. "I find your words tolerable. Sometimes even pleasant."

It was a high compliment from Cass. Marinette smiled. "May I hug you?"

Cass nodded, and Marinette wrapped her dearest friend up in a hug.

-----

Marinette was eighteen years old, and it was time for her to create a new identity for herself.

"Do you want a surname?" asked Bruce.

Marinette stared at the screen. There were three options in front of here. The first, to remain nameless. The second, to take on the name she was born with, Dupain-Cheng in remembrance of her parents and the childhood she never got to have. The third, to move on entirely from her past and embrace the future. "Wayne. Marinette Wayne."

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