#and if it doesnt well im starving so thats why

[vairiance]

They really nailed the streamer aspect of Iono because she really annoyed me! Lmao

I strongly dislike streaming culture when it's about like, harassing people in public for views, but when it's just generic public figure stuff I don't really mind it, although this is mostly in theory because I don't watch any streams of any kind.

I don't really have a strong stake in it one way or another but, I tend not to mind content creators like that so long as they're not harming anyone, indirectly or otherwise. I know that's a bit of a serious take for a fictional Pokemon streamer lol, but I'm very sensitive to people reacting negatively towards harmless content creation just because.

To be clear it's not that deep, I'm sure characters like this can just be annoying because you just find them annoying and that's totally fine, this is just how I think about it.

[chess-draws]

i like him. i like him a lot :) ty to @izak-gov for making this months top white man <3

bonus under the cut [ cw blood ; cw flashing lights ]

the bloody version :3

and the speedpaint:

real time: 2.5 hours; speedpaint time: 2 minutes

[cantdanceflynn]

IK I HAVENT DRAWN IN FOREVER BTW IM WORKING ON CATCHING UP

[stormyelliotwritez]

hiii there hope ur having a good day ❤️

i was thinking if you could pretty please🙏 do dp+wv with autistic ftm reader (your autistic/ftm writing is SO good. bless you fr) who does NOT understand socializing. like. not completely helpless but mostly because he copies how other people act in public even though he doesnt understand why people act that way (me fr…)

i hope this makes sense lol but if u wanna make it more generalized thats so totally okay im just. starved. for these two. 🙏🙏 thanksies <3

OH MY GOD YES thats literally so me as well and thankssss, i try my best to write good stuff!!!

DATING THEM AS AUTISTIC!FTM!READER WHO DOESNT UNDERSTAND SOCIALIZING

im not sure sure if this is what you wanted but i hope you like it!!!

when you start copying wade, he looks at you funny and then looks at logan like you seeing this? you explain what you’re doing and he starts calling you a parrot (all in good fun ofc)

logan starts pulling you around and he also hates socializing but he gets it more than you do so he’ll stand you next to him and whisper stuff in your ear about what to say or do and he doesn’t give a shit if you guys look weird

wade rambles about why people do shit and he helps you out like when you have to talk to people normally by taking over or he’ll just nudge you and mime

they’re so chill with you just being yourself at home like you don’t have to think about socializing coz they won’t get mad

if you look really confused, they’ll excuse you from wherever you are and explain what happened or what was said to you

wade throws stuff at you if you say something mean or like not socially correct or whatever the term is (which he only knows about coz logan gets it kinda)

logan chuckles to himself when he notices you picking up on things he does and he calls ya a good boy for knowing what to do

when you’re so done with people being stupid, they just let ya loose and you can deathstare people and back chat them and they’ll normally record it so they can watch it back and laugh with you about it

logan gives you and wade cuddles when you manage to get through a whole outing without going crazy at someone

they literally do not care if you suck at socializing but going out is so much easier if other people don’t look at you guys more funny than they already do

if you get nervous or anxious, one of them will hold your hand and squeeze it or put their arm around you

if people are assholes coz of you being trans, logan will explain how they’re being an asshole and wade’ll ask if you wanna make their day bad or if he should

[littledigits]

What is your take on the current animation industry and the way its heading for AI and job hiring? Ngl its looking a little bleak and I would love to hear your insight!

HOO. This is going to be a long one, but good question. Please keep in mind I am but one person with my one opinion.

I'm going to give you a little context to what was leading up to the job bust, the shit reality, and the hopeful conclusion.

Its always been a completive industry and unfortunately it will more-so for the next little while, even compared to when I graduated. The reality is, the animation industry GREW SO MUCH over the streaming services greenlighting projects to a point where I was like . WHERE ARE ALL THESE CARTOONS GOING. It felt like we went from nothing to a ton and was amazing that so much work was going around (looking back we see why it was too good to be true) A lot of schools and studios responded to this by growing as well. This means while it may recover, I dont see a way that it could reach the highs we had in the 2015-2021 period - because that wasn't representative of a sustainable model or a model they were planning on sticking with forever.

So the streaming bubble popped, and a lot of the reason why it popped was because streaming wasn't as lucrative when everyone joins in. This is the reality of working under the umbrella of Hollywood companies. Mergers happened, projects got pulled - and it probably wouldn't have seemed as big if we didn't have THE MOST JOBS EVER like, just a year before. It was a big rug pull. With the huge growth came a steep fall and all of it because of bad investments and choices of the people with the money. aka, we all wanted to chase someone elses idea thats making money for them and it didnt pay off - which leads me to AI.

While AI is scary and will do/is doing damage, it will not last forever. The industry only looks like its heading this way because the people who like AI are desperate to make it work, so they're pushing at it from all angles despite no AI company being profitable. ( once companies see that its not going to make them money they will drop it ) Its really nothing but a glorified pattern and predictive text machine that of course looks impressive when you feed it oodles of data. People who live on linked in and drink management courses like its water think that sort of shit is impressive, but they dont actually know how it works and just buy into the tech industry hype cycle . What we're seeing is them trying to make fetch happen, and it wont. (some useful bits will stay around but it doesnt 'think', a lot of this is just pure fakery)

You can trace a lot of things that lost jobs to bad investments from people higher up, who just jump around to different jobs when they make a mistake, or just simply get a bonus.

Its a symptom of the greater issue which is the monopoly of people in media and tech, which have been merging over the years with digital streaming. Lack of regulation in industries since the 80s has lead to a lot of the shit you see all around you, and it starts to be controlled by people who only want numbers goup. Overall , I think the animation industry in north America is entirely too controlled by the major studios and broadcasters, and that's going to be a tricky thing to navigate since they're very mask off about what their intentions are at this point. Its a growth-at-all-cost mindset that leads to things like AI, so while im confidant that what we see as 'ai' will die , we do have to realize as artists that as long as these people are in charge they will always try to find a way to cut the bottom line and not invest in the industry.

Its totally reasonable to feel bleak, but that's the intent. They want people to have to settle for less, and they want them to forget a time that it was better. Demoralization is part of the tactics, and 'starving' people out of jobs so they're easier to negotiate with is extremely common and pretty much what is happening right now. And this is exactly why you're seeing more union push from lots of industries because we're ALL being taken advantage of here. While it feels hopeless, this actually puts us much more in line with the artists and storytellers before us. They were up against the same people fighting the same fight, they were just called communists haha. Different words, same tactics, but the history of moments like this in the entertainment industry is more common then the shiny package we tend to grow up idolizing . ( its good to admire but we do often put these products up on a pedestal to our detriment )

The industry will survive, and it will change into something different which is GOOD. Because what it is right now, while workable and still full of things I enjoy - is NOT sustainable. And if we want to keep the skills of 2d animation, stop motion or any sort of creative trade to continue, we NEED sustainability. This is why collective action is so important, and so is diversity in the amounts of media we have! For example

YOUTUBE INDIE ANIMATION IS KICKING BROADCASTERS ASSES RIGHT NOW AND THEY NOTICE IT.

And while there are ups and downs regardless if you work in a small studio or a large one, I am hopeful that the conversations I've been seeing will spark change. Because as sucky as it is , compared to the rest of my time in the industry ( i think im on like 16 or 17 years now ) , I've never seen so much engagement or even discussion on the topic which says a lot. I think as artists we are always up for putting a lot of hard work into our skills, I think if enough of us point that passion into our community and collective action, we can start building an industry that does not have such a power imbalance, and that starts with community, education and engagement ! ( learning about the history of unions/animation/hollywood/workers rights,and then sharing that stuff! just through convo like this !) I hope this gives you some perspective, its something we're going to have to work at, but not something that is impossible. A lot of how the animation industry functions is not great, but what matters is that we work to make it better and the people who HAVE been doing that work are the ones that you want to find. They are the people with the proactive solutions to show you how to take power back. It helps fight the bleak feeling <3 tldr :

the solution is that as much as it sucks we try to make it better for those who come after us - and you can be involved in that job or not ! even just by supporting or being aware. This isnt animation is all careers, we're all effected by the same thing.

never forget.

[aequarea]

i have a thought about sanji that has been wandering in my head for a while and i need to vocalize in order to take control of my brain for once this year so, here it is. (even if i never made a post about op personally and i have like, 3 followers. yeah)

some time ago i was eating/spending time with my best friend (who does not watch one piece and everything she knows about it is for my ranting) and we were talking about nothings and at some point i started explaining sanji's story with zeff and she just interrupted me and said- "hey, so thats what you mean when you say cannibalism is a metaphor of love?" when i was in the whole "zeff eated his leg" part

and girl. why. why do you do that to me. WHY

CAUSE I NEVER ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT. of course i expended some time thinking and analizing zeff sacrifice and sanji way of thinking because of that but i never, not once, remember the cannibalism metaphor thing. because i always used it to explain romantic love but wait, love can be a lot of other things too. included platonic, father figure/traumatized adopted son love.

and its always "devouring the other one" "make the other one part of you/becoming one" or "being inside of each other forever changing our insides to be remaints of the other" and things like that that makes you think of a couple thing. of something that includes two people in the act. you understand the point right?

i personally never see people wondering about the other way you can use it; as a sacrifice. consume your own flesh to avoid eating others. use yourself as a piece of meat so the other person can eat the real thing. basically using yourself to death to make others survive well. (as a side point, i think banica conchita is an excelent example for this, if you want to read/listen/watch a story about it)

and isnt that what zeff did? he was trapped in a rock without exit with a kid and enough food for one of them to survive. and they are in the middle of the sea, and everyone else died but them, so he had nowhere to find help. no one to go to. he dont even know how long they are gonna be trapped there.

and he barely know the kid. the only think they know about each other is that they are trapped together. the only thing zeff know about him is that they share the same dream. but he knows the kid is hungry, he knows there is food for only one of them, and he knows he want the kid to live.

he loves the kid already, because you need to love someone to make that kind of sacrifice for them.

and he gives the kid the food. he told him that he distribute it for them, when in reality he gave him all of it. and he is going to starve himself, but its ok, cause the kid is fine. the little bratty boy has food to survive. he can do whatever to substain himself for a while, it doesnt matter cause hes a chef and he knows what he can and cant do.

and what he can do is cut his own leg and eat it. he can eat himself, the flavour is not that bad, he can stand it for whatever time is neccesary. he can stand the pain, the agonizing suffering, the puke inducing feeling of the injury and the raw meat. only for the kid.

and im not going to expand it more cause i think the point is understandable enough now. zeff loved sanji so much even without knowing him to eat himself for him to survive in that rock. he used his own flesh as the food, to give sanji the most chances to live fine. to not traumatize him more. to not make him suffer the same pain he had. to protect him. isnt that what love is about? isnt that what cannibalism as a metaphor of love can explain?

[3liza]

this article is dumb in a lot of ways because SciAm is a pop science outlet and food addiction research is still mired in stupid and incorrect science about obesity etc. so im not endorsing this article. i' only posting it because one of the scientists interviewed keeps saying that people who feel they are addicted to certain foods (or eat compulsively or have binge eating disorder, they dont address the differences or similarities in the article) "don't get high" from food "the same way" one can get high from drugs.

one of the opposing scientists points out correctly that nicotine also does not get you "high" in the sense of impaired life functions, she doesnt say so but i will say that nicotine is used by many many of its addicts as a performance-enhancing drug and not just to avoid withdrawals. and yet nicotine is extremely high on the addictiveness scale. caffeine is physically addictive and causes withdrawals when discontinued, it also doesnt get you "high"in the way she means.

secondly, i'm from a family of disordered eaters of all kinds, i dont think a single person i know who is related by blood to me has a normal relationship to food, and i have spent a lot of time speaking to and reading subjective descriptions of compulsive eating and food addiction, as well as observing it occur in my family, and absofuckinglutely it causes similar or identical feelings to many different kinds of drugs. theres a person in my Problem Glyphs inbox whose problem is a compulsive eating disorder that is fixated specifically on pizza, which they describe as being the only thing that medicates them effectively against stress and trauma. this is really common with super high-reward foods and drinks even if they dont contain psychoactive substances

so i dont know what the anti-food-adiction-defiition scientist thinks shes talking about. i dont think shes ever actually spoken to a person with disordered eating in her entire life.

as an aside, this is also how a lot of the most severe anorexics describe their processes of avoiding food, and this has long been accepted as an addiction process at least partially, because it satisfies the psychological compulsion, but we know 100% that fasting and even starving often triggers endogenous opioids and absolutely causes altered states of consciousness. this is described subjectively by ED patients as well as observed anthropologically, its part of the process of achieving peak experiences, flow states and trance states in every human culture in the world, but so is feasting on high-calorie foods with a lot of sugar and fat in them. monkey brain loves calories, thats why we're so good at finding and making food and surviving famine.

so idk i think sometimes those really annoying My Experiences Are Universal bitches end up going into behavioral sciences and fucking things up

[exhokai]

heyy if u write for the group iluna from nijisanji en, may i request an dom!aster x gn!reader where the reader is touch starved but aster is streaming so they ends up wearing smth (u can decide) and barges into asters streaming room and sits on his lap and tries to distract him while hes playing some sort of fps game or league and it makes him stop focusing?

AHAHAHA ASTER ARCADIA HEHEHEH

didnt have a photo sorry bookie

this was more of a switchy aster sorry

switch!aster (sub to top), slight grinding, facefucking, deepthroat, nearly getting caught, cum swallowing, enna breaking the 4th walk

a/n: it took me SO so long to work on this im SO sorry

————————————————————————

oh aster dearest aster. aster was playing his silly little games (i didnt know what to put) and actually playing with kyo, enna, and fulgur. well- more like kyo was listening and the others were playing BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT

he was chillin vibing fuckin (hehe fuckin) around when you pop into his room. unnoticed. and wearing his sweater. no pants. just underwear. ya nasty- (gets bonked)

you waddle up to his chair and lay your head on his shoulder. he notices you and gives you a little ‘hello’ expression than whispers ‘im busy’. but you dear reader. dont give a shit. you slide down and get under his arm to than slide onto his lap. hes suprised (FLABBAGASTED) as 1.) you’re wearing his sweater. with only some underwear. thats all 2.) you put your arms around his neck to sit fully on his crotch. moving (purposefully may i add) to get more comfortable. he whispers a hurried “what are you doing?!”

kyo heard it. and so did enna. “yo aster you good?” kyo asked (MY LOVE UHHHGHHHHHVHHGGGG) “o-oh im fine” “are you sure my guy you sound a bit off” goddamnit enna. now your gonna make the narrator haunt you with what aster and the reader are doing-

wait. thats my job hehehe- anyways. fulgur takes notice and says “cmon aster even if theres a cute cat climbing in front of you, we need to win. cmon”

yeah. cat. sure. he looks at you. frustration and anger since he could loose his job. but that doesnt matter that you got food on yo table now does it 🤨. you start moving your hips side to side. slowly. slowly enough so its agonizing for aster. he grips you with one hand. signaling to stop. you dont. you kiss his neck moving down so you slide off his lap. he looks down and gives you a warning look to stop as you pull down his sweats

you pull his dick out of his boxers, fascinated even though you’ve sucked his dick before. you instantly put the head in your mouth as he gasps. you can hear the faint sound of fulgur laughing. “AHAHAHA MY BOY ASTER YOU OKAY?” he starts to speak so you suck on the head hard so it comes more as a strangled “i-im okay!!” hes ashamed as you everyone laughs at him. even chat. “you getting your dick sucked my guy” enna asks. you laugh slightly as you move your head down further on his dick “n-no!! just-“ he cuts himself off as he looks at the chat. sudden anger fills him as one of his hands is taken off of the keyboard and grabs your hair to shove you down his dick. a sound of surprise leaving you

“im fine” he says with sudden composure. he has one hand on the keyboard and one on your head loosing focus yet still playing while you gag so hard on his dick. he moves your head a bit and starts thrusting. quickly and hard as you make gagging noises, surprised at this sudden switch of energy in aster

he gives you a look of “dont move” as he shoves you to the base of his cock. tears well up in your eyes from the suddenness of his thrusting. you grip his thighs so your hands aren’t awkwardly sitting there in your lap. his abuse to your throat is painful yet if feels like your head is reeling from it.

“yo aster what the fuck why are you lacking so much” enna asks. he mutters out a sorry as he lets his hand off your hair and back to the game, letting your head fly around a bit without support.

a few minutes go buy. your throat is sore and his hand is back in your hair. and hes close. he looks down at you, and everyone saw it, his chat starts flying

“HELP IS HE GETTING HIS DICK SUCKED”

“ayo aster why you lookin down like that”

“my guy just looked at his crotch oh nahh 💀”

he panics and makes an excuse “sorry guys i felt something fall. lemme get it” he leans down completely as he pushes his chair back and gets on his hands and knees, still facefucking you. “in close. and you better take it. all”. you oblige. you start crying from the insane speed he has with his hips. god was he always like this? he starts whispering ‘im close im close’ till he presses your face against him. making you take his cum down your throat. he pulls out once hes finished

“dont do that again or it will be worse”

(and enna thinks to herself when she wakes up why she had to open her mouth during that collab. as the haunting image of her coworker fucking someones mouth stays branded because of me lmao)

[pool-floatie]

Tall Tales Part 3.

Aaa! Im so glad people are liking this, I enjoy writing it even more! Dont yall worry, Jace isnt that bad I proooomise, he just has to be a little bit of an evil boi so I can get my fearplay fix. 🤷😅👍

The little human, still unsure what to make of the Giants sudden gesture of affection, was flushed pink in the cheeks. They raised their shoulders in an attempt to hide the blush, but the only person who could have seen it was a bit spaced right now.

"o-oh sorry did that hurt ?"

Av shook their head, -it only hurt a little.... Thats improvement . . but why would he care anyway !? He almost killed me!-

Jace tried to think of remedies for bruises, or if the purple color was a good thing, or how long they might take to heal,, anything! but his useless brain held nothing of value to this situation.

"wellllllll, , , we could eat ? Im starving right now."

Av still wasnt sure if this huge fucker was going to eat them or not.....

" ..Mhmm " they mumbled.

Jace smiled, food was a thing he could accomplish.

"Wonderful! now, I usually go out and hunt but that requires both hands and some mobility, so I can't carry you with me,, ooh, let me check something."

Jace placed av back on the jacket. He turned and lifted a whole ass boulder, revealing a 'small' stash of herbs and plants, Jace hummed in thought,

" well I have this -" he showed an entire handful of potatos, still attatched to the plant. "I just use most of these as spices, but these things are good fillers"

Av was glad he had some form of nutrients, truthfully they were quite hungry.

" su- sure..."

Jace smiled, placing a few potatos onto his jacket in front of Av, and began popping a few into his mouth.

Av averted their gase from Jaces mouth, not wanting to envision that future death too vividly.

They approached the raw, fresh-out-the-ground roots, and picked one up examining it.

-Maybe this is all he'll give me, just enough to survive , and it'd look stupid complaining, but, , , he doesnt seem too still be mad ?-

...."um, humans c-can't, um, have these raw ... " Av stammered nervously.

Jace sighed

"well...damn, it's supposed to rain tonight... But I think I can get a fire started for a little while.

Av watched the titan move across his land, covering the huge distance easily. He gathered wood (just huge dead trees), set up a wood pyramid, and sparked a flame using rocks.

As the fire caught and the flames grew, Jace worried that the tiny may be getting hot in his jacket, he scooped up the fabric in two hands and moved it to a cooler spot, farther from the fire

"sorry if it got a lil hot for a second, you ok in there ?"

Av, still shaken and sprawled on their ass from being moved so abruptly, just stared ahead and gave a nod.

Im gonna grab water and cook these up, ok ?"

Without waiting for a response, Jace left the camp . Left Avril there. Alone. On the ground.

They looked both ways, as if expecting a trap to spring, took a cautious step back, , , and

Bolted

[narwhalandchill]

(HEAVILY suspect genshin 4.2 AQ weekly boss leaks, massive spoiler if its legit etc etc but take with a Colossal grain of salt, also general 4.0 & 4.1 spoilers jic, i am going moderately insane)

i would like to formally apologize in advance for the person im about to become if childes whale (or 'it' more likely than not) is genuinely going to be the 4.2 AQ weekly boss what the fuck. What the fuck

Listen. Listen. Listen.

ive been saying for YEARS that this fucker is a bigger deal than just he hee minor miniboss turned neutrally aligned friendly rival on the fatui harbinger gauntlet. ive been coping ive been starving seeing him get literally no relevance or new abyss lore for years as fanon butchered his character beyond recognition. but i knew. i knew they werent putting those lore breadcrumbs in there for nothing and like. im trying not to lose my mind just yet its still highly suspect claims but. itd make so much sense. itd explain everything.

the oratrice was not wrong. if the primordial anti-french bathwater is connected to the whale all along its no wonder it deemed childe guilty as the one with 'its' traces remaining on him all this time especially as the latent yet-untapped power resulting from that past encounter has clearly begun to surface. theyre registering as one and the same to the oratrice. and for the whale to end up as a weekly boss its Very clear theres an explicit link there.

and like? if the whales been behind fontaines rising sea levels and tied to the primordial water all this time lurking somewhere just underneath the nation of hydro im just. was childes instinct to come to fontaine specifically due to his worsening mood rly much coincidence at all or was 'it' beginning to call for him due to sensing that hed soon be ready to awaken his potential? his stories suggest quite clearly that this was what happened when ajax was 14 as well - the abyss called to him as did he to it, frustrated as he was with his ordinary life, seeking the potential he had within. ready to nurture his trouble-mongering nature into a true force of chaos and a nexus of strife. isnt this just the same thing all over again?

and the celestial star-cruising whale is his constellation. that kind of link isnt giving me a "chance encounter you happen to get latent powers from". and for skirk to explicitly state that awakening 'it' was a feat unheard of before ajax. that no one had ever done it before. theyre deeply intertwined if not outright the same entity on some cosmic level - just different incarnations somehow. shits getting Real and i fucking knew there was something up YEARS ago

anyway hooooly shit i am going to fucking lose it i really really hope its real. and like sure sure knowing its coming is technically a spoiler but also not really? bc now its just the how and why and when. is skirk going to finally show up? is childe going to summon 'it' either on accident or on purpose? would he utilize the imminent threat the whales presence poses to force both furina and neuvillette into emergency mode given how abyssal creatures are literally kryptonite for dragons and celestia-approved divine beings alike? is that why traveler ends up having to face it instead? bc those 2 would literally get irreversibly corroded by the abyss from one hit?

alternatively, will childe want to fight it? bc ppl dont talk about this for some reason but hes always had a voiceline about what we now know 100% was 'it' and bro genuinely wants to go back to the abyss full send just to throw hands with the whale to prove hes surpassed the past terror that gripped him upon their first encounter and that hes overtaken it with his own power. which with the new lore drops of their deep connection definitely isnt giving childe replacing and becoming the new incarnation of the abyssal star-whale at all nuh-uh. surely. (i want it so bad)

anyway. holy shit. heres hoping this doesnt just age like shit DUFYDUGHFGDJSHDK i really want an AQ final fight thats not just harbinger of the week for the 4th time in a row. theyre fun and all and like yeah arguably childes ties to it kinda make it a harbinger fight but also not? bc this is about his abyssal links nothing to do with being in the fatui. and its the whale anyway not him per say

anyway heres hoping we get that 3rd final boss fight to the death with him in the celestia arc for once and for all when hes finally reached his peak. first we fight him at his incomplete level in liyue. then his abyssal whale. then 3rd time him in his final form thank youuu

but like. still emphasizing. this is NOT reliable leaks or confirmed yet so hold your horses. very sussy whisperings from some ppl who do have somewhat of a truthful track record but nothing concrete. i just went insane enough with the very idea that my brain made me type this madness out regardless

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

thinking about how so much of mental health recovery is self forgiveness and allowing yourself to move on and how (having been raised in religious shame structure) not being able to can really trap you into patterns if you don’t. im about to make this about that vampire show lmao. i tried not to. i didn’t even expect this. i was gonna just do a to delete personal post. but whatever. you don’t have to read. but, there’s so much shame in being unwell. all religion teaches you in that anyone of “sin” is deserving of instability, of punishment, unhappiness of hell. then religions tell people to turn that voice inwards and name it their governing god voice. thats so damaging.

my mind is whizzing with religious trauma thoughts in amc iwtv. as well as mental health aspects given how i’ve been and i haven’t really done wtf your call this in a while and i’m really too shrouded in the shame of being unwell to even feel like i should say anything at all anymore. i’m pushing through bc that’s honestly the problem.

that’s what i see reflected in louis. suffering silently bc you might be the hell you can’t escape bc the magnitude you’re experiencing it makes you feel like you must deserve it. if it’s you then what else could there be. doesnt seem like even what’s good can come without hell-in-tow. in his line of work, in his life with his family, in the only way he could be with jonah, in lestat, in claudia. hell is always right there where the good things are. and then everywhere you look the thought is it’s reinforced. religion indoctrinates in you that good is for those who are pure. louis was never afforded pure. even tho it’s actually an injustice and pure is a tool for exclusion and hatred etc. etc. sometimes even when you know that, even when you have the awareness of how unfair it is to be held to a standard never meant for you, it doesnt mean shame isnt effective.

im thinking about shame and self-flagellation in louis. someone on here once pointed out how louis might have thought he was really losing it where lestat was concerned, with all his tricks, and how that was probably why he didn’t want to look at it head on. i get that observation bc of the shame and i also get the appeal and seduction of just letting the mind go with whatever it is if you’re receiving something you’ve been starved of for a long time. bc sometimes losing your mind feels like chains falling and bounds expanding. and it’s all so alluring especially when the state of your mind is as a result of the rigidness of society and life around you. and then the shame that comes for what you perceive yourself to have allowed when things go to hell. especially when it seems like hell is a rapid endless thing with infinite ways to show you all you ever wanted decay before your very eyes bc trauma is death and death is trauma and this is the death and trauma show.

and religions determine what death is in your mind’s eye. and religious shame is a spider cocooning you and telling you to think yourself a butterfly all the while. how do you forgive yourself from there? and if you can’t can you even look at the full scope of your situation? what if the shame is a dead brother, a town burning, estrangement with relatives, abuse/victimhood, a dead sister/daughter all things that were core values to have a certain way. all things that you defined yourself by and the good times (sarcastic) keep on rolling. what hurts the most sometimes is what you did or didn’t do. idk that i have anything else to say. im getting to the point within myself where i keep thinking “who even cares” so imma stop here. bc i’d like to share before i convince myself to delete. but just if your out there struggling with mental health shit i hope you forgive yourself for things you’re holding onto out of shame. not even just as a self kindness but also bc you deserve to and progress is hindered if you dont in my opinion. i am not a professional. this is simply from what i’ve experienced/observed. if you got beef with yourself and you prefer to take it to your grave. do your thing. im just a username on this thing.

[vermwerm]

very normal queenkaard headcanons 2/2

Subservient: prepared to obey others unquestioningly Less important; subordinate He has suspicious knowledge of chemicals He likes cats, and cats like him He strictly calls those off brand spiders (aka daddy long legs) “harvestmen” and refuses to use their more commonly known nameHe likes the number 34 for no particular reason He writes 7s like i do, weirdly He gives very “stick to the question” answers, a lot of people have constantly given him the “i dont care” when he adds extra information about a topic after answering someones question. He would smell vanilla extract and chug it The first few times Queen complimented him, Rou took it as a joke and awkwardly laughed it off bcuz he genuinely believed (technically believes) he didnt deserve such a thing from someone so superior to him If he had sugar tolerance he would love apple pie with vanilla ice cream He constantly has nightmares about when he almost entirely turned to stone He likes to ice skate, and he wears very specific figure skate shoes or whatever Rou, to try and desperately find purpose, makes it so that he can just be used and discarded at Darkners/Lightners leisure, Que tries to get him out of this habit, but occasionally(read: a lot of the time) he slips back into this habit of just being this useless object thats only there for a minimal amount of things He loves candles, his favorite scents are pumpkin and linen Hes very bad at typing, bcuz he has long nails Oh right i forgot to add on this list, that he has long nails, theyre naturally black :) He can wink but in the unsettling way He hates the words failure and mistake, theyve been used so often to refer to him he hates the way it comes out of peoples mouth He ironically likes the word error, not when referring to him but he likes the way its said and spelled Ok but what if he purred?? Is that too cringe? Well too bad i already have too many headcanons He uses mint flavored toothpaste cuz hes boring Im gonna slap a “you tried” star sticker on his big ass fucking forehead Rou would either have a very flowy silk gown or steal queens clothes to go to bed, no inbetweens Why do i imagine this senario where swatch gets all up in rous face but bcuz king is a fucking dickhead he has a flight or fight response and punches swatch He is very starved for positive affection… so when Que complimented him for the first time he put it off and saw it as a joke yes, but he started wanting to hang out with her more because of said compliments (also he had the biggest crush on her, like he still has the feelings too, but theyre just dating now yippee!!) Yeah he has mommy issues He immediately got tired of the “trans-parent” joke, in general he just doesnt like puns (skill issue) He always gets really happy when Queen compliments him He had this short period of time dating Queen where he would kind of just exist as a yesman to everything Him and lancer both would like the rainbow slug (if you know you know) He can draw, if you peaked in his sketchbook itd be entirely bugs and a lot of Queens He loves iridescent fabric and when he finally decides to sew he likes using the fabric he has to make outfits that fit the iridescent clothing he already has (i hate this wording what the fuck) He kind of likes, sea salt and vinegar, chips He hates the fat on meat and has to spit it out or else he will lose his appetite He sometimes just soaks in a bathtub for too long, i also imagine his weird slime skin is sponge like. Ok maybe ill remove the sponge aspect that was a joke brought on by the question of if he could mold Child rou gives “mom i frew up” vibes His voice claim is the vocaloid voicebank Kevin, a good song is UNCANNY by GHOST/Ghost and Pals :) He probably calls spoiled milk “vintage milk” Rou probably did that bobbin lacing thing, but he dropped that hobby in his 20s

Que

Queen is very warm at all times,very huggable She can cook and is very good at it She loves mistranslated shirts, and has set out to get as many as she can I do maybe fully believe that she would half ironically half unironically call Rouxls “babygirl” Queen has. Good posture Yeah she does his makeup She gives Rou, forehead kisses, or just in general a lot of positive affection She makes the best food, ever She paints Rous nails sometimes She very much constantly compliments Rou My biggest flex is unintentionally predicting AI art /hj; i think that Que cant properly create art and can only really copy or take parts of other peoples art and mash it into one, she can also perfectly replicate art. She draws like a printer too She very easily gets tricked by optical illusions I feel like she would say “holy fuck, holy fucking fuck, that body of yours is absurd” to Rou at least twice

[fuzzbuns]

You mentioned the chasm in your tags so I'm curious what your thoughts are on it 👀

Mostly just this.

But if i had to ramble:

Im not sure if u mean in general or just the fatui in the chasm but since thats what i was referring to in the tags and also what i feel strongest about, i’ll focus on that.

Also disclaimer: considering it’s been…. Oh my god its been 2 years… what… ok.. since the chasm came out i might be a bit fuzzy (haha) on the details.. MY CHEESE!

When I played through the fatui quests in the chasm i. I was distraught for a very long time. Katarina’s quest is so unbelievably gut wrenching in every way.

Summary for anyone who needs it but like i recommend experiencing the quest for urself: Katarina Snezhevna is an orphan from the house of hearth that is stuck in the chasm looking for her brother. Who is. 😬 probably dead. But all we know is he is missing. So then she goes to look for him. Only to. Also.. go.. “missing” super fun. Thanks mhy.

But what really is a sucker punch is the way Katarina talks about her brother and Lyudochka (you might know her from the fortune slip quest). She talks about how she hopes Lyudochka isn’t thinking about her. How she thinks about her often because its what keeps her going but the thought that she is also thinking of her, worrying about her, makes her sad because she doesnt want Lyudochka to be in pain. I had to stare at a wall after i read that. She doesnt know how to feel because if her brother is dead she will have to mourn but if he isnt, if she is able to see him again like she so desperately wants to, she will have to kill him because it means he deserted and well. Thats what happens to children of the hearth who run away.

Anyway at this point you realize the fatui down here are under the impression they are allied with liyue but quickly realize things must have went south considering they have been cut off completely from the surface. So I, after eating drywall about katarina, ran into the next emotional pipe bomb:

The rest of the ninith company. Or .. i guess.. whats left of it. 😬. 64… people were sent down. And only. 4. Remained. Aurgh.waugh. And it gets so much worseeee.

Summery: the final girls are fighting!! Or well. They are dealing with the emotional train wreck that is not understanding what is happening and being stuck in the Horror Hole. After holding the traveler back like a feral dog (THEY LOVE BEATING UP FATUI) you fail and end up beating them up anyway, giving them some food, and finding out that they have been purposefully cut off from the surface and the millelith is banned from contacting the fatui in the chasm and if they see an fatui on the surface, they have to arrest them. Learning this, Anton (the leader of sorts) decides they have to retreat.

So happy ending right? They leave! Not really. See Anton says they have to retreat but its not without push back. Even after learning EVERYTHING one of the other members, Radomir, IS STILL INSISTING THEY STAY. WHY/?? BECAUSE THE CAPTAIN SAID SO. CUZ THE CAPTAIN SAID THEY SHOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE UP THIER LIVES DOWN HERE.. FOR WWHHAAAATTT. they are still going on about how they are here to protect liyue and they cant leave even after everything so Anton snaps back that the captian also said they wouldn’t die in vain but 60 of them are dead or mia and if they die here it will be in vain. Radomir finally agrees and the matter is settled.

My point is: these people are miserable. They have been abandoned and left to die miserable deaths and yet they STILL say “if not us, then who?” Its. Like i cant even put it into words how it makes me feel. They are so desperate for their sacrifices to mean anything, to keep their faith in what they have been taught. As if starving in the chasm, watching the people around you get slaughtered, knowing deep down no one is coming for you, is going to mean anything in the grand scheme of things. God. GOD.

“Fuzzy you’ve been going on for so long but have yet to explain why they are there in the first place..? Protecting liyue? Why are the fatui-“ OH I DIDNT FORGET. I TOLD YOU. IT GETS WORSE.

SO WHY ARE THEY EVEN IN THIS SITUATION/?:

Signora, being the excellent diplomat she is, apparently made a deal with the Qixing. She got some trade agreements going but under the condition that liyue allow the ninth company to investigate and get rid of the horrors in the chasm. The idea is that any info gained would be shared between liyue and snezhnaya. There was literally. No ulterior motive. They were. LITERALLY. JUST HELPING. They were allies! One of the millelith even left some supplies for the company out of guilt along with a message expressing his regret that they would be enemies now.

“But why did the Qixing cut them off?”

Childe lol. Or well if you follow the line up, Zhongli and Signora. The fatui rising a dead god to drown liyue didnt really leave a good impression on them so they immediately voided all their agreements with the fatui. Awkward! Obviously, Signora knew about the fatui in the chasm (made the deal) but i wonder if Childe or Zhongli knew anything about it. Sad! Even pulcinella knows (its his men down there) and Anton literally says that he understands and doesnt object to him “dispensing with less valuable assets” in the quest for bigger endeavors.

No one was coming to save them. Left in a nation they were trying to protect that is now incredibly hostile to them because of the actions of the archon of said nation LOLLLL its such a tragedy. The entire time you are treated to the ideals the fatui drills into these soldiers heads and for me, this was the moment that i became unable to relate to the travelers distrust and resentment of the fatui. I understand it but i just. I couldnt feel the same rage ever again after knowing what they are told and what they believe.

When i confronted trofin in sumeru i was so. Sad. Because i knew something had to be done about what he was doing but i also knew how fucked the entire situation was. And then i accidentally let lumine KILL HIM DIED and i sat there like 😨 BECAUSE I DIDNT MEAN TO. I THOUGHT I WAS JUST BEATING HIM UP. but i guess it doesnt matter because if you dont kill him the house of hearth does when he abandons his post. And like. He knew they would. He knew it was over for him. All the fatui recruits we meet are so. They know they arent the good guys. They are family to each other and they know that these connections are going to end in heart break but its all they have. I mean. I guess thats why they are called “fools”.

Anyway. Big fatui head. I find them and their mindsets so unbelievably interesting but i feel like the genshin fandom… doesnt really like.. fully digest a lot of the info we get about them. there is so much focus on the orphanage and what they do as if its not a symptom of the environment of the fatui in general. Childe was also 14 when he was enlisted and never stepped foot in the orphanage and like.. look at the guy. He is so unwell. I didnt even mention polar star. Oh my god. Polar star makes me sick. The ninth company mentions it. God. Look at the lyrics for polar star. I have a google slides thing about childe where i pool all my thoughts on him and the fatui (its at. 136 slides… lol…) so i could ramble about them all day but like . I .. i have to stop

[lovelyrotter]

pretty stressed today cause its 4:40pm already so i have to think of dinner

but our partner system isnt hungry at all and doesnt want to think of food in an ED kinda way. which i get, i totally get. but im not about to let them starve and if i start later than 5pm we wont eat until well after dark and im just. stressed out about it. but i dont dare push them rn cause theyre having an episode of everything while still having to do their shift and im worried about upsetting the balance they have right now. there are no good options and im trying really hard to be patient. im not the alter for patience. im the alter for solving things but theres no good solution for anything right now and im frustrated as fuck about it. im trying really hard not to feel resentful. thats not the reaction i should have ever point fuckin period

they said the thing to do in this situation is to just Give Them Food to corner them with it but we cant fuckin do that because thats the one massive ED trigger that we still have. thats what our mother did to us and we cant do that to someone else much less our gd partner system. i dont know what to do and theyre not going to help because staying alive is literally all they can do rn so im just stuck between two EDs while also worrying about my very diabetic FIL. how the fuck are we gonna survive this. we need to get them to canada but thats also the two of us between a rock and a hard place because we dont want to leave him to fend for himself. holy fucking shit. we are the only one here whos equipped to make any kind of decision at any given point and we're still barely taking care of ourselves idk how the hell weve been taking care of other people. this is why i dont front. i want to leave when it gets difficult. and that aint a good reflex to have

[utterdrip]

hello im back (that anon who cant play bg3 herself but needs to Explode dekarios-style over her tav and astarion)

i wrote a full ask for axelias backstory to provide context but then i realized how long the ask would get . so here i am with half of what i need to rant over AJSJSJA

ANYWAYS axelia (my rogue tiefling who was a street urchin) and astarion are absolutely enemies to lovers in the same way shadowheart and lae'zel would be enemies to lovers !! they initially hate each other w a Passion but thats before they realize how eerily similar they are w their experiences and outlooks, and how the other can only really begin to understand why they behave the way they do

initially axelia hates astarion bc she has Issues with political figures (the start of her Trauma is bc of one bribed politician that fucked her already poor family over .) and while she wouldnt admit it easily she had a bias AJSJAJAJJ the only thing she really cared about when she got out of the nautiloid was to get back to her younger sister (hope). astarion would pick up on the friction pretty quickly and sass her right back the most to the point where its honestly a routine for them to fight and the only thing missing is either of them copying shadowheart and laezel w the blade at the throat

however. axelia got to know more about astarion beyond his facade . what really was the first thing that made her empathize w This One Of All People is how they both really dont trust/like ppl who display themselves as a lawful hero AJSJAJJAJ she grew up as a street urchin who was forced into that position bc of a guy who pretended to be good, and nobody would help her, a starving dirty tiefling child whos providing for both her and her sister, without smth in return ? so yeah no she Fucking Gets It .

time passes on and she develops an old married couple dynamic w astarion AJJSJSJA like still bickering but more lighthearted as they learn to empathize more w each other. fast forward to him trying to seduce her for the first time and it was a "might as well happen" thing for her KWNRKSJAJA she felt comfy enough that she didnt see any reason to refuse, and she didnt want to admit it at the time but she was def growing more unironically fond of him and his company

the more she hears about astarions story the more she gets furious for him and determined to show him that there are people who will fight for him . its the protective kind of love that axelia doesnt even realize is whats happening. she just knows that above all else, cazador needs to Die and she'd be willing to risk her own safety just to help astarion see it through

by this time theyre in a relationship w no labels AJJSAAA basically act 2 relationship. theyre both not exactly sure what they are to each other but they both know they can rely on the other to actually Give A Shit about them. while they both still love to argue and Disrespect each other its the fun kind where they definitely know its just banter at this point that they can easily use to team up on the others <33

act 3 comes and while axelia also gets the fear behind astarion wanting to ascend so badly she also knows that thats not a decision hed be too proud of if he could see the consequences now AJSJAJAJ so ofc spawn route <33

this is already a super long ask and i apologize for that but thats roughly how i see them progressing if i could acrually play the game </3 i have more Thoughts but ill shut up for now AJSJSJAJA but thank you for reading all that if ever <33

-✨️ (new anon !)

SPARKLY NONNIE U HAVE MADE MT ENTIRE DAT KNOW THIS

axelia sounds like a fucking Deligjt and i empathize SO HARD. with distrusting political figures. astarion says magistrate and i tense up like a scared cat

it mustve been like whiplash for axelia tho!! him first acting all posh and haughty and “im a magistrate i put away trouble makers i do it sooooo often its boooooring to talk about” and then. hes like okay so if u had to die. how would u want to die. are u cool if i just like drain the baddies we kill. can i please please pleeeease open this door to creatures fucking i wanna see what they look like and make fun of them. like this little fop being the most bastard gremlin of a man is everything to me

honestly playful bickering is So Important to me like if u cant chat the shit with your partner, if you cant make fun of yourself with and for them its just boring imo.

i wonder—how does she begin to start opening up to him as well? like is there a specific catalyst do u think? like i feel like her having a protective anger over astarion would make him be like ????we are barely more than strangers why do—oooooooooohhhhh you have siblings. dont you (disdainfully)

idk im just throwing shit at the wall bht im adoring this i reallt hope ur able to make it a reality sooner!!!!!!

[fixfoxnox]

let me tell you something LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

THE KISSES?!! Pure bliss, Roach was craving for kisses?!! I was STARVING FOR ROACHGHOSTSOAP KISSES GET IN LINE /j I MISS THEM BEING IN LOVE but i also love angst BUT I LOVE THEM BEING ALL MUSHY AND KISSY AND LOVEY DOVEY

I SECOND THAT ANON, IF LASWELL ISNT MARRIED TO THE THERAPIST CAN WE BOTH BE IN A POLYCULE WITH MISS THERAPIST?! I LOVE THAT WOMAN U WROTE HER SO WELL I WISH I WENT TO HER THERAPHY SESSION

MOST IMPORTANT of all—IF ROACH DOESNT NAME HIS FIRST BORN JACKSON I WILL PERSONALLY SHIFT IN SITO AND IMPREGNANT MYSELF WITH ROACH/GHOST/SOAP SPAWN AND DROP THEM IN FRONT OF THE iGHOSTROACHSOAP FRONT DOOR IN A NICE LIL BASKET (thats not possible dont try this at home, please) because OH MY HEAVENS!! Jackson being there for every big thing for roach, I see you Jonathan, i get it now, i too would love to have jackson as my brother in law, He so supportive and the fact that roach goes to him first every single time I will personally pay for his and Gaz’s wedding, name your price (hehehe)

The video part made me curl up and SCREAMED (im pretty sure i woke up my neighbour Im so sorry Mila) BECAUSE ooooh ABSOLUTELY A VILLAIN OF MAN WOULD HAVE A VIDEO OF HIM BEING WEIRD AS FUCK LYING AROUND HOW DID COSTA’S PEOPLE GET INTO IT WHO KNOWS I HATE ALL OF THEM WITH BURNING PASSION, im so glad despite him being so nervous around Soap and Ghost, Konig was the one to BREAK the fucking monitor, inlove him AND I LOVE HOW YOU MADE KORANGI CANON but also secretive oh my gosh THE YEARNING, come here babies

If you love the boys being all mushy and cut you are going to love the last two chapters of this fic! I made too many memes about it guys but ZOO DATE IS COMING UP AND ITS SO CUTE AKFJHDHDHF

Roach's therapist is now Laswell's wife, but you guys could probably still kiss her if you tried you just may have to fight Laswell afterward ajdnjfbfjfjf

WE LIVE JACKSON IN THIS HOUSE AND I JUST KNEW IT HAD TO BE JACKSON THAT ROACH TOLD FIRST CAUSE HE KNOWS THAT THIS MAN WOULDN'T JUDGE HIM

This is why Jackson gets to kiss Gaz, its his prize for being the best friend in the universe to Roach 😌 and just in general for being such a cool little guy

AND YES I LOVED KONIG BEING THE ONE TO SMASH THE MONITOR HE GETS TO BE THE ONE TO BRING SOAP AND GHOST BACK TO REALITY CAUSE HE'S COOL LIKE THAT

And yes I love Korangi so I had to make them Canon, but they get to be secret in love sweethearts who are so in love cause I love them and its what they deserve akdnjfjfjd 💙💙💙