#and ig part of it is just cultural bc im like ok she had an orgy. so what?

[neonsbian]

i kinda wish ps i hate you actually showed a little more of their sex scenes, not bc i wanna see all that but bc im just confused 😭 everyone is acting like prae is some kinda degenerate for whatever she did in that sex tape but i actually have no idea what she did? other than having sex w multiple ppl but idk, thats not the craziest shit ive ever seen. unless just her having sex w a bunch of ppl is meant to be crazy scandalous thing

[zilodak]

im a turkish person who lives in America and it honestly makes so giddy to see turkish artists online since i live in a part of the US that basically has no other turkish people. it gets a little bit isolating sometimes because I love our culture and our language but not many people here actually know about any of it.

To them you’re either European or Arab and it’s a little bit challenging to explain what being Turkish really is to Americans sometimes. It’s so funny when you’re like, “🤓 um actually the majority of Turkey is in Asia” and their whole world view is shattered because like how could a country ever be Eurasian i guess, what a foreign concept, “what? you’re Asian?????? No way man you’re white right?” and then the real bombshell is when you tell them it’s also a mostly muslim country that’s often considered middle eastern.

i can not tell you the amount of times people have just out of the blue asked me what my race is. i guess its because of how intertwined race has been with American society and their view of identity throughout history. white with an asterisk i guess. like white as in i have all the privileges that come with being a white person but also not exactly being what people here think of when they refer to you as white or having white experiences. and thats ok i guess since white is more of a flexible umbrella term used to identify who has more racial privilege and power in American society. shit gets bonkers confusing sometimes. they should give you a manual that explains all this when you move to america fr.

sorry that was long and a little bit embarrassing to write in a tumblr anon thing but uhhhh just ignore all that ig resimler süper ya!

Where's that one Tumblr post... ah here it is

It's been an interesting experience to come to America after the discrimination in Europe because American discrimination is very racially motivated, as in if you have white skin, and you're not visibly Muslim (eg. are not a hijabi) you're considered and treated mostly white in public spaces which is a great privilege. This is also present in Europe mind you, like very much so, the way they treat Black and brown people is just as horrible and present in Europe as it is in America but they're also incredibly nosy on top of everything, and they'll clock you the moment you speak the language or you look even the slight bit ethnic and start treating you differently no matter if you have white skin. On one hand it's xenophobia sure, but really it has been ethnophobia for me more than anything (I've been mocked for my big nose, bushy eyebrows, hairy body, thick accent, etc).

I did have one defining moment when I first came here in America, I must've been around like 6 or 7 and this was post 9/11 and I distinctly remember we were at a Walmart (we were tourists) and I think we had some sort of miscommunication with the cashier and my mom was speaking Turkish to me bc I didn't speak English back then, and I think she mentioned God and it sealed the deal for the white woman behind us at the line and she started screaming for security. I obviously didn't understand it at the time and now my mom laughs a bit when she tells the story to our relatives or strangers, but it was clear that she got really scared and worried at that moment knowing how aggressive police and security is in America. She had no idea how to deal with the situation, especially since I was there (my mom's a bit of a short fuse) and she did not want to put me in danger, is what she'd later tell me.

I'm privileged that I haven't experienced anything like that or what I've been through in Europe ever since I moved here. But it does hurt a bit when I try to speak about past experiences with discrimination ive personally faced and people try to discredit me because I don't look ethnic enough for them (which is weird bc these are all things I've heard white people say mostly and bc like I've mentioned earlier have been endlessly mocked for when I was younger), which I understand bc it's different in Europe than it is in America. I even had someone on twitter zoom into a photo I posted and perform some weird like eugenic analysis as to why I don't deserve to speak up abt topics I've had experience with before based on ONE photo I had edited bc I was again struggling with body imaging issues and hated my ethnic features. It was very weird...

Still I find it odd that many people don't consider the Anatolia as part of Asia because it was considered the Orient and exotic for so long, and white people saying that now just feels so very wrong to me bc it feels like they're trying to erase how much influence they and their words had on the people and the land through Orientalism. I mean, the first word of advice my mom gave me when I told her abt the weird stuff my classmates were calling me as a kid was "they'll always see you as a barbarian, don't bother" in such a tired and defeated voice.

[yrbutchgf]

what are soft butch and hard femme? i really like the aesthetics but i know that's not what butch/femme is about in its whole so i wonder if those descriptors are made up about looks or if they actually come from the culture and i know that butch/femme isn't a sliding scale of masculinity and femininity but sometimes its hard to feel that i can be femme bc i like alt styles and am not hyperfeminine so the so called hard femme label feels like it fits idk

soft butch is its own can of worms -- suffice it to say many butches, including me, dislike the term soft butch for the implications it casts on butches who don't identify themselves as "soft." there's a LOT to talk about there, though, so honestly i'll save that for another post, if anyone's interested in hearing about it. hard femme, on the other hand, is a different story!

while femme and butch are not solely aesthetic descriptors, sometimes the variants you see of the terms, like hard femme especially, can be very aesthetic-focused, even though they are from the culture themselves! from what i've run into, hard femme is exactly the kind of thing you're describing -- rough and tumble femmes who adopt alt, punkish and gnc fashion and may come off as somewhat of tomboys, but who still base themselves steadfastly in femmeness. i asked about hard femme identity in the butch/femme discord i'm in, and one hard femme, iggy (19, she/he/they), had this to say on the subject:

just note its my personal opinion/the meaning ive found in the term, i havent done a ton of research so its not the objective definition or anything lol.

For me at least its about embracing things that arent traditionally feminine while still keeping ur feminine identity. Not to say other fems have to be traditional/conformist, we're just different types of femininity. So Im not a gentle person, Im not a nurturing person, Im not a soft and tender person. I was a tomboy growing up so what someone said earlier about tomboy fem resonates too. All these things and more Im having trouble describing make me feel like i couldnt traditionally be feminine/a woman. But hard fem feels like it gives me space to be all that and still present and relate to others how I like. Its almost like having a 'butch' personality but preferring fem presentation? Thats the best way i can describe it, like yes theres an aesthetic part but its a reflection of a deeper energy.

I'm not sure about the terms coinage or if theres a more official definition. Afaik it was actually in reaction to soft butch, seeing it as being insulting to other butches and almost making butch more palatable to people outside the community. And we said ok fuck you we're hard fem. I personally think anti-assimilationist politics are another important part of hard femme. It generally refuses to be confined or made to conform.

I have more to say bc its like my whole identity but i gotta get to work so i hope that essay is enough lmfao

he also said that vander von odd often calls themself a hard femme. here's a pic of vampira/maila nurmi, another hard femme, as well as a pic of kay kaos @revoltpunx on ig, which several people in the server identified as a great example of hard femme presentation:

so yeah, hard femme means pretty much exactly what you identified it as :) to me, it sounds like you probably are a hard femme, and if you are, welcome to a long and storied history of kickass femmes that absolutely wreck house!

[cautiovs]

『 mädchen amick. fifty. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that VERONICA LEVI from FAIR LANE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -FRIGID & -MANIPULATIVE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool INTERIOR DESIGNER and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +CLEVER & +AMBITIOUS. i hope i see them around again! 

hi ! hello !! i’m lex and i’m excited to be here w this... wonderful, wonderful woman (she is... the Worst, im sorry in advance), N E WAY, can’t wait to get to know y’all and your muses, without further ado 

stats: full name- veronica irina levi  nicknames: ronnie, v  birthday- june 1  zodiac sign- gemini   traits- clever, ambitious, adaptable, intuitive, charming, frigid, manipulative, dishonest, vain, & greedy  sexuality- bisexual  languages spoken- english, russian  hogwarts house- slytherin 

background: - born as veronika lebedev in russia, she immigrated from there to mapleview when she was fourteen and immediately fell in love with american culture (especially the wealth obsessed culture of the 1980s) and tried her very best to americanize herself- including forcing her parents to start writing her name with a c instead of a k to ‘look more american’  - her parents were not wealthy, but veronica schemed and scammed her way into getting designer clothes (got a job at the closest mall, maybe was a bit of a klepto) and quickly learned how to charm her way into pretty much anything she wanted  - which is how she somehow made her way into the top social strata at school and won the heart of david levi  - married him at 18, popped out some kids, and never looked back  - except, ya know, when they got divorced  - veronica may or may not have had an affair, but that shit? is on the down low, nobody knows besides david (and whoever tf she banged... someone... perhaps, give me this conn *eyes emoji*)  - before the divorce, she didn’t work and just played the part of mayor’s wife and was a russian tutor for anyone interested in learning, but now she’s gotta make a more substantial income and somehow landed on interior design  - she’s actually,,, a rly shitty interior designer  - like she’s out here charging so much money for this shit, but you could’ve done it yourself w the help of ikea and amazon prime (fuck jeff bezos tho) 

personality: - super villain type shit (very hot) - she’s smart - a good liar  - will do whatever it takes to get what she wants - she LOVES her kids, like... she hates most people but not them- they’re everything to her, will protect them w her life  - used to actually love david, but now is a bitter ex and probably tries to spread rumors about his new wife bc she be like that  - her parenting choices are questionable at best, but she really does love her kids  - ok so, she’s cunning and scheming and shit, but is charitable and funny and WAS the ‘perfect’ wife  - def was a pta mom when her kids were in school, maybe ran for the school board  - her russian accent only really pops out when she’s mad or excited (genuine excitement is rare)  - just wants to live in luxury and not work, ok? 

wanted connections:  - her affair- i mean...  - friends- she sucks, but like she’s good at pretending to be a good friend  - bitching buddy- she likes to complain, someone let her ig  - high school friends- others who grew up in mapleview  - enemies- probably a handful of these  - clients- who wants some mediocre room makeovers?  - idk, literally anything??? plz throw me all the ~plots~ 

uhhhhh, anyway, does any of this make sense? no? cool!! give this a like or come find me in the dms or contact me by pony express and let us love u down xoxo 

[ingenves]

     hello angels ! the name’s moose ( she/her ) & i love bugs and poutine. it’s late af so im off to bed right away but ! i would love to plot with each and every single one of you so definitely feel free to HMU ( on here or u can ask for my discord if u prefer ) or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u ! i don’t have a wc page or anything sorted out yet but we rollin. you can peep saskia’s pinterest board HERE for the aesthetic™ 

     ⌈ sophie turner, cisfemale, she/her ⌋ hey, is it SASKIA GRAHAM that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old ACTRESS. typically i see them hanging around NEPTUNE’S DINER so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in KINGSTON for ONE YEAR. gristol wouldn’t be the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of fresh manicures, sweet nothings whispered in french & broken champagne bottles on a tile floor. 

ok so! lil miss saskia is the only child of infamous director lloyd graham and his second wife anna, a talent agent. they split up when she was a baby and although she was born in london, she primarily grew up in paris where she lived w her father and her step mom anaïs who was just an up-and-coming designer at the time of their marriage

as u can imagine, she grew up living this extravagant and opulent lifestyle that she’s since become addicted to

it was hard to be a normal kid w the parents she had, but.....all of her friends were also a part of the same world she was. as far as her childhood goes, ofc she was super duper privileged so it wasnt HARD but it also wasnt always easy??

she started acting when she was v young. she started her career in theatre as a child actor and then occasionally making small appearances in various movies that her father was working on, but her career rly took off when she hit her teen years.

she’s got a reputation for being a scream queen, most of her filmography consisting of indie french horror and thriller movies. she’s fairly well-known in france and in europe for her work but not so much in the americas unless ur into french / foreign film ig?

her father has always had most of the control over her career. although he had no part in getting her roles, he did police what she could and couldn’t audition for and he did his best to make sure that she stayed scandal-free and out of the tabloids to avoid taking a dump on the family name u know?

which is........kind of funny bc her dad is WELL KNOWN for being horrible to work with, short-tempered, demanding, all that good stuff. he’s also just.....rude. and elitist and he thinks he’s better than everyone else even tho his movies arent even THAT good. satan himself, probably

so ofc saskia didn’t want to work w him either and it was exhausting having to be his DAUGHTER when he’s so controlling

they had this MASSIVE fight eventually, where saskia basically called him out for trying to control every aspect of her life instead of just letting her LIVE and take her career and her life in the direction she wanted to. he claimed that every single one of her accomplishments was because of HIM and because of their name and without all their money she would be nothing and that made her FURIOUS bc as much as yes, her family did help her get her foot in the door and get auditions, all of the work she’s done and every role she’s gotten was because she earned it, not because of anyone else

in an act of spite and to give her dad two big ole MIDDLE FINGERS she moved to the place her father hates the most, new york city. that’s what she told him, at least, but she settled in gristol instead, just a short drive away from the big apple

she never rly pictured herself living there since.....paris is her entire life and she’s never rly had an interest in expanding her horizons to american film but.........now that she’s tryna piss off her dad she just might :/

ditched her big fancy house for a cute lil apartment that she adores

tbqh she’s just been taking a hiatus from her career since moving, straight chillin most of the time , kind of laying low and getting her ducks in a row, letting her father stew while not knowing wtf she’s been doing for a year

but she’s bored bored BORED and she doesn’t want to go back home so she’s just getting her career going again, going to auditions and doing the whole dealio u know how it be

that abt sums it up??? let me talk abt her cancer ass now

she’s SUPER good at keeping a facade and then going home to cry herself to sleep afterwards

lowkey insecure af

riddled w trust issues

as u can tell, she is a spiteful little shit

she doesn’t like to talk abt her feelings but then.....gets offended when ppl dont realize when she’s upset or angry??? *lisa from the room vc* i don’t want to talk about it

she takes criticism very personally and will most definitely get angry at u if u criticize her in any way

wtf is a stable emotion???? she has no idea

her life is a constant cycle of overreacting to things

don’t get me WRONG she is actually quite a sweetheart but it’s when u try to call her out or break her trust that she does a fuckin flip flop and goes bananas

she out here destroying herself so no one else can :/

she gets stressed out v easily and always has to take time for herself ahdsjkfg. spa days are what keep her going

loyal af to the ppl who are loyal to her!!!!!

can be lowkey manipulative without even realizing what she’s doing. just a smooth talker rly

ok some lil extra bits for ur consideration

she rly.....had no idea how to live by herself tbqh after moving out. she was LOST. didn’t know how to do laundry or make coffee or do the dishes, she didn’t know SHIT MY GUY. for someone who is v intelligent she rly......had a hard time adjusting to Real life.

occasionally walks the runway for her step-mom but her true Passion is acting

she has to take a nap every day or else she is impossible to deal with

likes to Partay but she always texts her exes when she’s drunk :/

a sentimental BITCH!!!! keeps every letter and birthday card anyone has ever given her. she has money so like.....she prefers to receive sentimental gifts that make her lowkey soft heart Melt.

loves spontaneous trips and adventures

since moving to gristol she’s become less of a fashion bitch and more of a casual comfort hoe but.......the gal always has her nails done

she hasn’t spoken to her dad since she moved away but she talks to her step-mom almost everyday bc she adores that womaN

she absolutely.....adORES american culture. she watched a ton of american tv growing up and she idolizes that shit dude

fluent in french & english ofc!! has a lil french accent

ok that’s all i have rly thank u for reading this far if u did and if not i feel u man and i still love u 

[j4nn4s]

1, 3, 5, 11, 14 & 19 🥰

thank u miss anon !!

(im gonna consider skam, skam nl, skam austin, skames and druck (and euphoria bc why not i luv n miss her) for these btw !!) 

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

the only one i cld Rlly think not rlly liking or caring for would be rue/lexi in euphoria bc bro WHYYY yall just dont want rue and jules together and rue and lexi kissed Once when they were 14 i get it ...... yall are starved and bitter huh ! (btw im kiddin i jus think its funny ok im nice i PROMISE oeifjoijqwoi)

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

LMAO YESSSSSSSS Ewoijeqioj idr if i refollowed them (i think i did?) but someone said that skamfr s3 was the best skam remake season and i had to Go ... like its ok but its not even in the top 5 best skam remake seasons imo ...

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

yes honestly probs davenzi ....... i think bc theres a lot of ppl in the druck fandom and it was an evak season they sort of got overhyped and lowkey the season as a whole too .... i watched in real time and they were Fine but i think ppl overhyped any little interaction they had esp bc they rlly didnt interact that much in their season

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

ig ppl started rlly disliking jules (euphoria) after the last episode but i still rlly like her im biased qwiojeqowijq and im sure once drama happens with noor and robbe everyone will turn on noor but i cant help it i think itll take a LOT to have me hate noor omg i love that bitch oops !

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

its honestly soooo sad to see ppl hate on julie sm in the remakes fandoms ... i think ppl too often take for granted just how great of a storyteller she is and how lucky we are to have her mind in the teen genre like she really is doing things that no other show or network has attempted before and thats insane ... the format we love sfm is (yes originally an nrk thing but) smth she has perfected as well as writing for it and AAAAA still so hype for her hbo show like holy Shit

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

how pessimistic we get diowejqioj i think bc we are so used to seeing things in slices and clips we forget that it is only a part of a single episode and that there are numerous other episodes too oqijiqo like with any other show u see more of the bigger picture at once but bc we see it in smaller chunks we gets impatient and literally criticize every scene bc thats how we receive it but it kind of creates a culture of pessimism and constant negativity instead of going w the flow and seein where a show takes us

[survivormongolia]

Episode 2: “I was prepared to come in this game and slay.” - Madison

ok well... none of us were voted out which is alright i guess but we are literally not winning this immunity with gloria and patricia on our tribe.... like no offense to them but they finna submit like 20 thinking its a good score like arghhh its whatever tho bc im going to get the highest on the tribe so if they vote me out theyre literally the dumbest people ive ever met. if we lose, i truly dont think im going anywhere bc i have 3 people im genuinely friends with and ive been having good convos with dennis and brian... wow i cant believe im aligning with mostly men

me as soon as i saw the blog for the game: "i should check the rules page, i know some hosts are sneaky & hide advantages in there"

me: everything looks a-ok to me!!!!

hosts: make sure you check the rules page!!!

me: hmmm seems fishy, let me check again!!!

me: nope, nothing ot the the blue

me: tells dan about the advantage in the results post

dan: something looked fishy to me in the rules page, but i tried to right-click and nothing worked, let me check again

dan: omg. it took me to the same page as the results

me: wow. i truly am a useless piece of garbage

ok im back and i found out more info. so apparently gloria has been on call with dennis AND francie which means they dont play around. i think theyre being really social with everyone and i KNOW francie has amanda and emily on the other tribe so im actually really worried about them. i have talked to them a lot and i feel like i wouldnt be their first target but maybe randy or madison would be?? idk. if we dont win this immunity it wont be the worst thing in the world bc everyone agreed to patricia last week so might as well try again this round ig. i talked to randy and he's on the same page and also is afraid of francie and dennis being really social so hopefully once our tribe gets down to 7 or 8, the 4 of us (madison, randy, tj) would be majority. i really trust tj and he always keeps me updated but... he has a mind of his own and i wont be surprised if he wouldnt be down to do one of them. btw ill probably make a podcast or a video dr tomorrow if i find more tea... 

I’m not going to do as well on this challenge as my tribe mates I don’t think. So now, of course, I’m thinking about tribal last night and how I was asked about the first challenge and I was like “yeah keep me around bc I can help in challenges.” That’s not going to be good for now. I’m going to do my best given the calculus and government homework I have for tomorrow (EW). I’m also thinking about the game as a whole. I want to put myself in a position of power wherein I can be a big part of strategy and make notable moves while also not flagging myself as someone “running the game” (lol like that’ll happen) or someone who’s too big of a threat to stay. This involves identifying larger threats than myself and locking them out before anyone knocks me out etc. There’s a bullseye; let me find my quiver. This is also probably the last confessional I’ll make ‘til after the challenge because why spend time confessing when you can find invisible cows. (I’m on the way to school and confessing on my phone. No, I’m not the one driving. I may confess at lunch or study hall if anything worth confessing happens between now and then.)

Okay so I went back and checked the other posts and there wasn’t anything around. But when the new immunity challenge was posted, there was the same link hidden on the post. I sent it to my host chat and nothing. I noticed after I sent it that the link wasn’t hidden on the new challenge post anymore, but the previous ones are still there. Interesting….

So the Fans went to tribal and we were hoping that by sending Jon to Exile, they would vote out Randy and it would keep an inactive around to help them flop more. However, Jon struck out and was med-evac’d. Great. So now the Fans are gonna go super hard on this challenge since they basically got a free pass. This challenge, by the way…. Shout out to Drew. I hate this challenge. Invisible Cows can die, all of them. I told my tribe to make the window as small as possible so the cows have less places to hide, and I think its working out for everyone, so hopefully we can do this. I’m just worried because I know Madison on the other tribe just played this game in a challenge not too long ago and if she tells them about the trick then we are basically on even playing ground. Im at 800 right now and my goal is to get to 1500 but we will see.

I’m still trying to figure out my social game. Usually in games, I form some kind of alliance within the first 48 hours and generally keep up appearances with everyone. I want to do things differently this game. While I am still trying to be friendly and talk to people, I dont want to be the one to hold all the conversations. I’m having trouble keeping a conversation with Asa and Ian and Nicholas, but everyone else I’ve had at least a 10 minute conversation or longer every day. Colin has already suggested voting out Asa if we go to tribal because he’s talked to her the least. He says that me and him are good and I’m glad for that. I really like Colin. And I know that Emily will have my back, at least in the tribal portion of the game. Last night, Dan, Lindsay, and I formed an alliance. Finally! I really like Lindsay and we danced around forming an official alliance with each other for 3 days, and Dan and I have talked a lot, so I’m really glad this happened. With this alliance, and my bond with Colin and my relationship with Emily, I feel like I’ll be okay should we go to tribal. I’m hoping we don’t have to… here’s hoping we can find more cows than the Fans..

https://youtu.be/D45IAXpUHyA

This challenge is cute! And also my tribe is just Slaying this challenge. I love this tribe, we're stacked as hell djkfgfh

Oh well fuck. Well I was middle of the road with the scores so I didn’t go from top score to lowest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it still fucking sucks though. I hope enough people are down with the plan from the last round depending on who gets exiled.

Temujin exiling Patricia was the obvious move—keep the lowest challenger in the game and force the losing tribe to send a better challenge player home, increasing the likelihood of them returning to tribal—and from a strategic standpoint I have to give them a bit of credit but being on the tribe that’s getting screwed over? Fuck this.

So I'm in the predicament of which alliance to throw under the fucking bus, I should've been quiet about the group to Julia Rae and Madison. Best person to go home would be Brian or Randy, for my own personal benefit

Wow, so I don't know if you managed to see that but I told Julia Rae and Madison about GloForce...and then switch them to Brian

Wow this tribe really is doing that. I get a bad feeling we’re gonna get swap-fucked somehow. I guess now that its been a few days I can give my opinions on people a little more.

I get strange vibes from Amanda and Dan. I feel like they’re close just by interactions they have in the tribe chat. They both also seem like the type to be cutthroat. I think I’m in good with them tho so as long as I’m not doing anything shady they might not target me, since I have a feeling they’ll be the ones trying to lead the first few votes when/if we go to tribal.

I get good vibes from Emily, Asa, Quillyn, and Lindsey. They seem pretty trustworthy and easy to work with.

As far as Nicholas, Ian, and Colin go, I don’t really have any connection with them but I’mma try talking to them more while things are easy and peaceful so they would be hesitant to vote out me over someone else.

I’m really curious as to who got the secret advantage. I’m mad as hell that I didn’t get it but oh well. I feel like if anyone got it it was probably on the faves tribe, cause I feel like the fans aren’t putting in all that much effort or reading into things as much as an experienced player might. I’m glad to have been the one to publicly expose the advantage because I want whoever got it to be on their toes and that they’ll have to be more cautious and stressed about trying to do things involving it. They probably think no one is paying attention but I have eyes in the webcams on their computers. I see them.

Temujin won the second immunity and I'm very pleased with that as we are all getting along fine, but for how long? Eventually we will have to turn on each other and vote one of us out. My job is to just make sure it's not me, pre merge portion of the game I aim for a good score but not the best of unbeatable score. The sweet spot is upper middle, you are seen that you can be beat in individual challenges yet good enough to want to keep around for a strong pre merge tribe

Also i feel like horse culture is important?? Like idk why the hosts wouldn't just put a keyboard smash url or make the url (survivormongolia.com/secret-advantage). Like horse culture must mean something. I wish I was one of those girls in middle school who put horse stickers on all their supplies. I feel like maybe I could better understand horse culture and what this could mean. But just know i have made a mental sticky note saying "HORSE CULTURE" in bold sharpie.

Allow me to explain why Brian being voted off would be a fucking stupid idea or Julia and Madison, so if me, Julia, Madison, or Randy gets sent to exile and Patricia is gonna come back in our place just how well do you think that's gonna play out. Patricia isn't stupid and probably knows she was gonna get the boot...this time atleast. With the scores brian and randy have been producing it'd probably be them getting booted next, at this point I'm trying to stall...

I'm glad we won another immunity! although I'm getting sick of the fake sweetness of our tribe like nobody actually likes each other that much and that will show once we end up losing one of these challenges. I'm really tired of the passive aggressive competitiveness of some of these people too like, we can just all support each other and not like try to put people down who can't get as high of a score on a shitty flash game? I'm hoping for an early swap honestly I would definitely want to try working with some of these fans over the people on my tribe who I just can't seem to connect with.

So. Jon went to exile Island and got his 3rd strike. That was great, because he would've been voted off anyways.

Then the next challenge happened and disaster struck. First off, I love that minigame but holy shit, it drives some1 crazy UNLESS YOUR NAME IS MADISON AND YOU ACTUALLY FIND A TRICK TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS BUT THEN PROCEED TO NOT TELL ANY1. Eitherway I spend around 3 hours during all my exams and papers, that are due, to find stupid 800 cows until I was about to go to bed, wher TJ told me a trick to boost up my score. So I did that and brought it up to 1100 by another 20 min but that wasn't enough by FAR. The rest of the tribe decided that 300 or 600 is enough. Obviously we couldn't know how much the other tribe was getting, but after seeing that easy trick everyone could've atleast aimed for 1000.

We lose the challenge, they pick Patricia, which is a good pick (Since she would've most likely been voted off other wise - even though I did bring up a point in the alliance chat, that we might have needed her to keep the majority in the tribe, just in case the other 4 form a counter alliance). Me and TJ talked a bit and I told him before, that the only 2 possible votes are Brian or Randy. Both have barely been active in this tribe, with Randy just doing a tiny bit more (Flag challenge) but we can't hold that as a positive for him, forever. In the end it seems to be brian tonight, oh well unlucky.

But in my opinion, seeing how our Tribe works compared to the Favorites this wont change anything. They will keep beating us out in every challenge until we are at a low number of members just to be picked up 1 by 1 in the merge or at a tribeswap. Its super scary and I am already getting a little bit anxious and frustrated looking forward. The worst thing that could happen to us is, that we win the Reward challenge and then get on too much of a high, go back to doing the least amount of work, just to be crushed at the next Immunity challenge again. Lets hope that isn't the case. Lets hope a swap happens sooner than later, when we still have some numbers..

But, on a more serious note! That whole conversation about the secret advantage came up with Dan after he returned from Exile. He told me about the idol on Exile, & how it's the name of a Survivor, you only have two yes or no questions to narrow it down, & you only get three guesses. He also told me what questions he asked, & his guesses!

So, I guess my social game is better than I thought it was, because he said he was only going to tell Amanda & I, & we ended up making an alliance chat. To be honest, this group really makes sense to me, because I feel we are more of the "social" people on our tribe, where we'll message people first, & try to keep the conversation going, so I'm really happy with this core group. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but even I know that three out of ten people in a tribe is not a majority, but it's nice to have a solid core group that we can hopefully add to when needed! Plus, if you have a smaller group inside a bigger one, you're already in a better position number wise. I'm blabbering on about this newfound alliance, & how it's good for my game, just to watch it blow up when the inevitable swap happens, & we're split up. :) :) :) :)

I'm still trying to form relationships with other people on my tribe, but I feel like I haven't really gotten far. I think I have a good relationship with QuilLynn! We actually talk quite a bit, & have good conversations about things outside the game, & I really like her! She's someone I can definitely see myself working with down the line, so hopefully she feels the same way.

Like, I'm really glad & relieved that we've won the immunity challenges, but sometimes when you're on a tribe that keeps winning, it's easy to just relax & not talk as much. It's when you lose, where everyone starts to scramble, & relationships develop further. Basically right now, we're the Love tribe, where everything is sunshine & rainbows, & no one has a bad thing to say about anyone. But, if we were to lose, we'd go from *heart eyes emoji* to *knife emoji* real quick.

I don't want to say I thrive in chaos, because I don't, I'll overthink every possible scenario & hop aboard the paranoid train, full speed ahead. However, I thrive when people are very conversational, & I feel like the people on my tribe will only become like this when they feel their ass may be on the line.

Another update about our tribe idol: Still haven't guessed once. Still a flop. Let's try to turn this around, Lindsay! You can do it.

This confessional has been all over the place, so sorry I'm a mess. I don't know. I can't control my thoughts or put them into words very well.

I’m angry I found 2.6k cows and we still lost. I don’t know what this tribe is doing tbh it’s such a mess. I was prepared to come in this game and SLAY but that’s kinda impossible right now so.

Gloria is an icon.

That’s all.

So I guess I haven't done one of these this round! WHOOPS. Well, not much has changed in my game. I'm still really enjoying the tribe for the most part and just trying to do my best in the tribe! Like I'm really proud of myself for performing so well in the challenges so far. Jokes on the tribe bc when I start school again, I'm not going to have as much time to do things *shrugs* I know I'm pretty and successful and they'll just need to understand that.

On a serious note, I'm worried about Colin coming back from exile and the idol situation over there. I'm lucky I have some time to plot and think about how I'm going to address that. I think I'm gonna say something along the lines of, well I kinda wanted to see who went to exile next before I said anything to anyone about it. I would be open to sharing information with Colin, I just feel like with him working we really haven't had the chance we need to really like create a lasting bond. Yes, we talked about people we liked and about keeping each other's best interests in mind, but that was one curt little conversations. I know curt implies rudeness, but that's not how I mean it, I'm just not smart enough to think of a better word. But, any who, I have some scrambling to do with our relationship, but I'm willing to give it a go. We shall see what the future holdsssss.

Cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow WOW IT WAS WORTH IT HEHE! I got 666 cows and our tribe won by an absolute landslide. I’m super happy! I am excited to see what happens when the fans actually have to um vote someone out and not be saved from a medical evacuation lmao. Also I haven’t been talking to people like I should because I’m so fucking lazy. And tired. Like give me a break people

Ugh we lost but I did so bad but I didn't had time to do it. I feel like I'm going home tonight unless I get to go to exile since I was lowest and last one they send had nothing

Hello it's me fallen tuna. I like my tribe a bit better it's pretty clear that we are all pretty busy. I suck the most at the comps so thats somewhat confusing but asa talks less so if we lost that might be the one person I'd try to get out

So this round has been me trying my hardest and obviously not succeeding. The faves tribe are just too dedicated for this game. Which is great for them, but we arent naturally as competitive as they are. Meaning that we're once again going to tribal. And they sent home Patricia. The girl who we thought would be the next voted off.

So now its scrambling. Julia told me her group of TJ, Madison, etc. is going to do Brian. I brought up the fact that me and Brian are close, and that Francie would probably be better since she's obviously close with Amanda on the other tribe. But Madison is also close with them, so i dont see them leaving this week. If I have to vote out Brian. Then damn, but I'm not leaving premerge. So its just time to cut my losses, and hopefully make it to a tribe swap.

Confessional: I am very upset with many players on my tribe who I feel don't need to be here because they are somewhat inactive and not trying all that hard in challenges. They need to carry their asses to be perfectly blunt. They are hurting our tribe and it takes all the fun out of the game to be honest. People are telling me they are voting Brian and I love him to death and know for fact he can be a great player but this game he has shown me nothing so I am going with majority and he was on my rdar this round for vote also, I am working with TJ Francie and Dennis and hope us 4 stick together and none of them turn on me. Thus far they are my safety net but who knows what will happen if a tribe switch happens and I hate this sending people to exile island it sucks big time cause I am afraid that will kill my game if sent. I hope that everybody 100% votes Brian out tonight and Randy isn't showing much attempt either after doing that gorgeous flag. That sucks but it is what it is in games take the good with the bad. Hope I last see you at tribal honorable host. <3 GLO GLO <3

So my gay ass is sitting here, minding my own business, and what do I see in a VL I'm in? Emily and Amanda are hosting an Athena season together? INCHRESTING. I will keep that little tid bit in the back of my head when it comes time to vote somebody out.

Okay so basically at this point my tribe is slaying the game! As one would expect, we have a lot of seasoned players who are hungry for redemption and really don’t want to be the first fave gone so everyone is going really over the top with these challenges. I won’t complain because they keep me safe by extension but i have a feeling that there is going to be a loss or a luck comp in our near future and i just don’t know how i am going to fare if we go to tribal. Right now i know that Quil, Emily and Lindsay wouldn’t vote me out. So that means hopefully 4/9 votes. Ive been trying to reconnect with Ian and I don’t think he would vote me out either so I think I could survive a tribal if I ended up going to one.

Right now i am putting in some work to make sure that Im not the first boot from this tribe. I’m trying to not talk to Asa or Thomas [they also don’t message me,,,,ew??? like wtf are you doing here if you aren’t going to message anyone] so that I can eagerly throw their names around if we go to tribal. Also ironically enough they are the highest placing members of our tribe so I’m hoping it can be an easy sell. That’s about it for now!

Honestly, I hate the fact we lost the challenge. I hate the fact that Patricia was given immunity because that means that my time may be up. People barely try and talk to me, or even bother to reply to me. So I think it's me tonight, which is fine. I am content with my journey. I was told it may be Randy but I doubt it. We'll see.

I'm good Patricia is coming on so hot. She's just like "I wanna work with you" and calls me right away like omg ajdhaidhss it's not that I wouldn't wanna work w her it's just that you'd think she'd spend st least ten minutes to have some small talk before throwing me six feet deep into strategy talk...

i dont think im getting voted out but if i do oh well... everyones voting brian i believe and my friends have no reason to lie to me so i am feelin GOOD!! i hope theres a tribe swap so i can be safe for once oh my god

I hope this tribal and the Brian vote are successful. Fingers crossed!

I'm confessing to say Emily was robbed in Athena All Stars and I love Drew even though he drags me always the end