#and ill try to do better lol
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Hello hello hello 😁✌️
#me#selfie#my face#miami#south florida#personal#gwlg#biracial#mixed girls#bisexual#ive been super inactive on here so here are selfies#and ill try to do better lol#depression has been kicking my ass#so haven't been feeling cute#natural hair#curly hair#black dress#mesh#self
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scenario in which butters runs away from home & disguises himself as professor chaos. grins
#south park#sp#butters stotch#kenny mccormick#mysterion#professor chaos#mysterion ofc knows its him#sorry if this is 'he would not fucking say tgat' moment i am ill#had the worst day ever today:thumbsup:#and an even worse time trying to post this lol#but im ok now things will get better etc etc#sorry 4 rambling on a south park comic. anywaysni like butters#first time trying to use panels too. very hard idk how you people do it#tginks abt this concept forever and ever bc i think mysterion and proffesor chaos friendship is awesome#(on a desktop ignore my piss poor spelling pls)
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the king of drip ✨
#joffrey baratheon#game of thrones#got#my art#3rd outfit should also have subtle brocade but. im not doing that ❤#sorry for so much show art it will happen again. teehee#something about show joffrey is very fun to draw lol. his face is kinda hard to get right but ill keep trying until i succeed by rng#edit I looked at this again its not that bad lol. deleting that tag rant ❤#still think i could have done better with the face but i dont wanna be too negative about my art also like who cares#are the joffrey stans gonna come for me. no <3 the beauty of drawing unpopular characters <3
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ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page
#delete later#deleting soon bc eyes on me#for those of you who kept asking about Something last year LOLLL#sorry this is too entry level vent comic ykwim i jst needed to get it out#im over it in the sense that like ok yeah whatever#but not in the sense that i came out worse than before. i was already Small. ive been further Smallened#i was a rebound and lied to and discarded...which thank god i was Set Free but wow!#all my personal fears reinforced. it is embarrassing for me to want and need...i get it neow. i was a stepping stone i am an npc#idk that i could do it again! im not sure its worth trying i am too much of a...project.#as i was told from day 1 but still ran directly into it#and i was too much of a coward to leave myself. if it happened again i wouldnt be able to leave then either.#im happy that i dont think it could get much worse than all that for my first experience but it was also exhausting#and weirdly at the same time i dont think i cld ever expect better#its almost been a year since its been Done and the words and treatment linger <3#this is also why i had to enlist talon as imaginary bf number 2 LOL need extra reinforcement and love#cringe as fuck but it rly will never be as good as whats in my brain...i know that neow. i will spare everyone the trouble#and remove myself from the dating pool (<- implying he was ever even in it)#i dont even hold any ill will toward em bc they were right...its just hurts ykwim
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“Here Halara! I made you some of my coffee! Just like I did in Ginma! This will heal your body right up from your terrible cold!”
“I’m not sick Fubuki…it’s just allergies…”
Whew! I finally got this doodle done ;w; I have officially drawn all of the detectives of the Nocturnal Detective Agency at least once yay :3 I never thought I would tbh... x'D
I think Halara came out pretty good, but I think I could've done better on Fubuki ^^; This pose was complicated but once I got Halara to a nice pose, I had a bit of trouble with Fubuki x-x
Yet another ship I could kind of understand due to Fubuki's DLC.
How Halara suffered such an awful allergy attack? Lets just say that Fubuki took them to a cat cafe somewhere in Ginma...this was before she learned their deep dark secret. And Halara couldn't resist the cuteness so...they went anyway despite the penalty... x'D
Fubuki regrets it the minute Halara suffers a sneezing fit on the way back to base and has to lay down due to their head pounding from the sinuses. They end up not only with a runny nose and eyes, but they sadly got a few skin rashes too... yikes, the poor thing x-x; They make sure to have an extra sweet lollipop to help with their mood, as well as act as a substitute lozenge for their dry throat, some nasal spray for the stuffiness and an ice pack for their headache.
Fubuki tries to do whatever she can to help, even if the cause of it was her fault to begin with... xD And Halara cannot move much so...they just take whatever the ditzy time detective throws their way. Fubuki lovingly babysits the stuffy postcogditive detective while they recover.
This was my first time experimenting with allergies as an ailment so...I tried to read up on it before I drew so I could at least be accurate. Allergies isn't really the same thing as being ill. But it was still fun to draw it out :3
(tfw halara looks sicker than everyone else did... lmao improvement?)
Anyway, hope you enjoy this snack Clockmare Nation🩵🩷
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Viviakou Kokobolt
#rain code#master detective archives: rain code#halara nightmare#fubuki clockford#clockmare#pixeldoodles#my art#whumpcode#illness whump#whump art#allergy whump#ngl I've wanted to draw halara like this since finding out their cat allergies were canon#they intimidated me to draw ngl#also no glasses on because their eyes are too puffy and red!#fubuki is doing her best to make her dear friend feel better <3#can't really do too much to care for someone with allergies tbh#but she's still trying to show she cares about them ^w^#lazy bg is lazy lol it supposed to be the submarine's office#and halara is resting on the cream sofa#I swear the tag better behave with this post... >.>#also added the other arts in the description if you haven't see them :3
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day 6 of 30 min sketch mondays w @revalito! i love falin lots and tried to do a color study w her ^^
#falin#falin touden#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#fanart#sketches#i had to restart this one 3 times. LOL#its bc i wanted marcille2 be in there in too for a little cute moment#bc i heart them both so much. but i just could not get her face down quick enough in the time limit T T NO IDEA WHY LOL#so i just redrew falin and did a color study to cover the rest of the time#SORRY GIRLS.. maybe one day ill redraw the two of them together for real#i keep drawing characters facing right.. i drew this to the left but liked it flipped better LOL#anyways. if u read all this ty! i hope u have/had a good day :)#OH RIGHT BTW!! the artist i was trying (emphasis on Trying LOL) to do a color study from#is @ mmagurro here on tumblr!! i absolutely adoreeeee their art and their colors are always so beautiful and gorgeous...#i only partly got there bc i had such a limited time to do it LOL BUT STILL!#i felt it was appropriate to mention them still somewhere..#please check them out if ur interested!! TYYY
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truly nothing more depressing than seeing a blog glorifying self harm in the fight club tag in an unironic way and you click through to see its an anorexic 14 year old :/ i wish i could communicate like... it doesn't make you cool or better, it's not an actual way to control things in your life, i am so so sorry you think this is the sexy answer. but also jesus why do you blog about it
#like damn weve all been 14 yrs old and making health decisions that are actively damning your future health in very concerning ways#but also like#these blogs exist because of each other and if i could nuke every single one i could because that might help even one of these kids#to recover#jesus#makes me feel old#like. ive been there lol. youre depressed and 12 and self harm seems right and also cool#but thats insidious as hell snd listening to that is whats going to make you depressed for half a decade#i think the hardest part of growing up is seeing kids make the same or similar mistakes you did and knowing if you say anything they will#almost certainly double down and dig themselves deeper#but you feel its a crime not to say anything and also remember lack of pushback being part of the problem#but its just. you cant fix anyone#i wasnt anorexic ftr but its Very Relatable unfortunately#anyway whether i like it or not i have a lot of teenagers following me i think#all of you. be nice to yourselves#actively pursue making your life better#not in a momentary happiness sort of way but in a taking the work to get over your mental illness and grow and become a more confident and#secure person kind of way#it sounds impossible and it feels like hell but literally the biggest part is just really trying to do it and letting go of the comfort of#the pains you know vs the unknown pains of change#i should stop soapboxing because this is getting silly long lol
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🔫<- Your Merboys, hand 'em over
(trying to find the tags for em is messy lmao, totally not for something)
#lmao i know#my tags is a BIG mess#I'm sowwy xdddd#ill try to do it better#and my merboys r kinda boring#lol#that's why i don't draw them that much#how to do undercut
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people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots
#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him#the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship#so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he#would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of#''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids''#and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us#so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT#and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi#so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history#for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage#and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her#what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us#but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they#raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh#if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker.#and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us#while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol#theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling#but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong.#anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine
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i gotta be honest living under the constant threat that the cops can just show up and kidnap me and likely use excessive force to do so anytime they want like they have many times before for the crime of mental illness is not really helping my mental health all that much. one might say its even making it worse. hypothetically.
#hypothetically (i havent slept in days because of the paranoia)#yeah and its not helping to have 2 people that are physically violent in my life either#and every time i try to get away from them THEY CALL THE COPS AND LIE ABOUT ME HAVING A PLAN TO KILL MYSELF LOL#im working hard to get away but like im about to turn 25. its been almost 25 years. i want it to pay off now.#not in fucking 2 years or whatever i cant stand it for another second#im running on empty. i want things to be better now.#ptsd#apologies again for using this blog as a void to scream into about mental illness but i dont have anywhere else to do it lol#im trying not to drink anymore but idk maybe life should take its fucking boot off my neck for 5 seconds perhaps
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With a combination of medicine, excessive water, and Soup, I am feeling... okay.
Very sleepy. But at least it's not agony to swallow like it was last night. So I'll take it.
#speculation nation#idk if it's progress or drugs but im glad to not be utterly miserable#i just feel kinda crummy.#but i have nowhere to be for all of today. so i can just spend it lounging.#for now ill probably nap. later i might wanna try watching a show maybe. if i can get myself to.#rn i have like... no concentration in my brain lol. so i cant do anything i actually care about.#sleepytired... such is my existence rn... just existing waiting for the next dose of my nyquil...#i did order a care package for myself tho. of dietary supplement shakes. apple sauce. and More Soup.#since. last night even just having the soft mac n cheese hurt real bad.#so im on a mostly liquid diet rn. not the best. but it's better than nothing.#getting lots of fluids... lots of nutrients... trying my best to take care of myself... i am...
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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surprise, bet you weren't expecting THIS
ok but real this is technically just a test. wasn't actually aiming to really make this lmao, but things lined up and i realized this sounded good actually so i was "hmm maybe i should post that." idk if i'll make a video for this so for now just take the audio ig.
VSQx by Hatsune Dan, distributed by Yumeko. Some minor tuning edits by me. Mixing also by me. Original song by wowaka.
#my audio lol#vocaloid#vocaloid cover#utau#utauloid#utauloid cover#utau cover#openutau#nurse robot type t#two faced lovers#wowaka#this is her sherry vb specifically; i wanna do smthn else w/ it but i was testing how she sounded like w/ files i already had#and this was one of the only ones where she actually sounded good 😭😭 maybe the different resamplers and wavtools are a piece of the puzzle#but still i'd need to mess around w/ her maybe. i got her cause i wanna do a specific thing w/ her but we'll see if i ever get there lol#i feel bad ugh i didnt actually do that that much here :'| feels like cheating. but if i keep trying maybe i'll get better some day#i had this vsqx just sitting in my files for a while lol... i have a lot of shit in there honestly that i plan to do stuff w/ but havent#i was actually intending to make a cover of this w/ iku b/c ily her (a slowed version tho b/c the song's sadder slowed imo)#we'll see if that happens tho lolll... rip to all the covers that never actually happen. ugh i dont really like any of my past covers :')#im stubborn so maybe ill figure it out SOMEDAY. but bruh how is it im better at making them swear at each other than like. sing#CAUSE YKNOW SINGING IS THEIR INTENDED PURPOSE. ugh. vsynths got me actin crazy#sorry if the mixing's kinda bad i need to read up on how to do better mixing... tried smthn a lil different here and i think it sounds okay#but who knows. idk
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Orb...
+ process kinda
#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL#i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!!#i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece .....#i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!!#thus: orb#im very happy w it so thats why im posting#idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig#lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not#im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things#and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works#and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay?????#i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane#but i think ive got it down p well :)#ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!!#i like how half my art i post here is either chibis#or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever#yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY#had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis#and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics#catie.art.
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its kind of funny that crk brought out such Emotion in me that i just whipped out all my knowledge on how symbolism and colour affects art. im not playing about those cookies bro.
#no shade to any of my other interests but nothing has really evoked the kind of feeling to make like meaningful art in this way#i almost did with sonic a couple times but i ended up not feeling interested enough to finish those project files#mephiles is too good to pass up an opportunity with but im not sure ill ever have the drive to draw something cool w/ him#back to the original point im actually very very happy when i see ppl talking about things i put in my art like#my vision is realized!!#i get worried that nobody cares enough to notice lol but now i know my vanilla milkshakers got me#i mean i try as hard as i can from someone whos entirely self taught i know theres artists who can do those kinds of things better than me#thats why i study a lot from other artists bc it helps very much#erm mucho texto anyway#hooray gay cookies#not art#txt
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charcoal drawing of gerard <3
#charcoal#trying to figure out how the fuck to use charcoal#idk what im doing#i hope ill get better in time lol#mcr#mcr art#mcr tour#mcr tour 22#mcrt#gerard way#my chem#my chemical romance#gerard way art#my art
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