#and im also one day late because 1) tired 2) i forgot about the existence of maid day but at least i wanted to attempt something | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

serowotonin · 4 years

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˗ˏˋ 𝗴𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 ˎˊ˗

✰ PAIRING ( terushima yuuji x fem!reader ) ✰ WORDCOUNT ( 1.9k ) ✰ GENRE ( ansgt, songfic ) ✰ WARNINGS ( um one swear word, angst, implications of de*th )

all the memories that we make will never change we'll stay drunk, we'll stay tan, let the love remain and I swear that I'll always paint you golden days ♫ panic! at the disco

✰✰ NOTE.. so uH i think this is the first angst thing i wrote that im actually happy with and i know terushima isn’t someone a lot of ppl write for so to the few ppl who see this</3 hope u guys enjoy:”)

“Ughh where is it,” Terushima grumbled to himself as he pulled open drawer after drawer. He had searched all the cabinets, all the tables, and just about every inch of his apartment but has yet to find his phone charger.

As he closed the second to last drawer on this shelf, which held no phone charger, he pulled out his phone and saw it had 1% battery remaining. Quickly, he unlocked it and went to his contacts. Before he could make a call though, the screen turned black and he was left staring at a faint reflection of himself.

“Damn it,” he cursed under his breath. “She’s gonna get upset again.”

He clutched the now dead phone in one hand and ran the other through his hair, sighing in exhaustion. Today had been tiring enough with work and now he had this to deal with.

There was still one more drawer he hadn’t checked though. So, he lifted his hand out of his hair and pulled it wide open.

In it sat a small box.

He knew of its contents the moment he laid eyes on it. He also knew opening it now would only make him feel worse, not to mention, it would definitely delay his plans.

But for some reason, a longing for nostalgia or maybe the person that brought such nostalgia, his arms unconsciously moved to take the box into his hands.

Your words echoed in the back of his mind as he traced his fingers along the edges of the box.

“It’ll be like our little time capsule. For us to open when we’re all old and wrinkly…”

A deep sigh escaped his lips.

Every rational thought that came into his head begged him not to open it, to put it back, to forget he even found it.

Instead, his fingers moved to lift the cover and lay it down on the floor beside him.

And there you were... a polaroid of you at least.

Your lips were curved in a sweet smile inviting him in and breaking his heart all over again. Up until now, he could barely recall what your face looked like when you were happy, truly happy. He could only remember the tears and regret you had on your face towards the end…

But seeing you like this again, the wideness of your smile, the crinkle of your eyes… you radiated a joy and happiness he had begun to forget in you.

He stared at the picture for a good minute before turning it around to see the familiar strokes of your handwriting.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!’ and under it ‘(first pic taken with the polaroid my baby Yuuji got for me<3)’

“My baby Yuuji,” he whispered.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you,” he sang softly into your ear as he held you from behind, swaying gently in tune.

“Happy birthday dear Y/n.. Happy birthday to you~”

You turned to kiss the blond and he pulled you even closer to him.

“I love you babe, happy birthday...”

The tiredness he had felt just moments ago seemed to have fluttered away when he found you again in the polaroids, and a longing burst from the depths as he put the picture down and picked up another one, his hands once again moving on their own will.

This one had the two of you standing together, backs facing the camera. It was taken at a beach when the sun was still high in the sky and the water glistened blue. But it wasn’t the scenery that appealed to him, nor was it the way the sun wrapped around you two in perfect golden light.

It was how close you were to him. The physical distance between you two was barely existent. Your arms were wrapped around his waist and his were draped over your shoulders.

‘Sea breeze, cute outfit, sand between my toes, and 1 Terushima Yuuji… Damn was today great.’

How he would give to be that close to you again.

“Ok 3, 2, 1…”

You clung on to him as tight as you could and he smiled, pulling you closer.

At the sound of the camera click and the hum of the photo being printed, you let go and quickly turned around to thank the woman for taking the picture.

When you did that he felt off; as if a part of his body was just yanked away. It wasn’t an extreme feeling, nor was it painful in any way. It was more just a lingering emptiness that was put to rest a few seconds later when you were back by his side again.

He put his arm back on your shoulder and peered down at the polaroid in your hand. You were staring at the photo patiently waiting for the colors to fade in. And when it finally did, you smiled satisfactorily at it before tucking it away and flashing another smile to the man right next to you.

Terushima closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to clear his mind. It’s been years, he shouldn’t be dwelling on the past like this.

And yet, there was comfort in the pain the memories brought.

When he opened his eyes, they landed on yet another photo of you. And as he has been for a good part of his life, he was drawn to you. Reaching out a hand, he picked it up and let the memories wash over him once more.

After a while, he set it down and picked up another. And another. And another. Each capturing a moment with you he would never get back.

It’s been years since he’s had to learn to live without you. Truthfully though, he never did learn how. The sun became a little dimmer, the rain a little harder, the breeze a little less refreshing. The world lost its vibrancy when he lost you. He adapted, got used to the dullness, but he couldn’t learn to live the same anymore...

He picked up another polaroid.

This one didn’t have either of your faces on it. It just showed the two of you holding hands against a dark background.

The bottom held no words but instead an arrow pointing to the right. Terushima turned the polaroid and saw a small envelope attached to the back. Curious, he opened it up and pulled out the piece of paper snuggled inside.

‘This one’s a bit longer than any other note I’ve written for a polaroid but… I kinda just realized smth really important. He drove me out at 3AM in the morning to get food because I said I was hungry. Then we sat in his car listening to some old mixtapes he had. They were pretty crappy but it didn’t matter. I love Terushima Yuuji. I’ve said it a million times before but last night it really hit me, hard. I love him in a way I’d never be able to love anyone else.

I want to go on more dates with him. more stupid dates, more romantic ones, more 3AM dates, more cuddle dates. And even though it might be selfish of me, I want to spend my every breathing minute with him.

If I can’t have anything else in this then I just want these golden days of ours to last forever..’

And before he realized it, tears were rolling down his cheeks. Fuck it all. He missed you. He missed the days you had together, the nights spent in each others’ arms. He missed you so much it tore a hole in his heart and all he could see when he looked at the sunlight drifting through the window was just darkness.

It pained him to know that everything you wanted was all he ever needed. It pained him that he hadn’t realized this until it was too late. And it pained him most that you were never coming back.

Why’d you have to leave?

He tried so hard to stop asking this question, and for a while, he was successful. But the polaroids, your handwriting, the memories, you.. there was just so much pain in the happiness of the past.

But you were gone. He had accepted that long ago.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Terushima, you in here?” a familiar voice called from outside.

Right, he forgot about Misaki. Wiping any tears left on his face, he put all the polaroids back in the box, covered the lid, and left the room.

“DADDY!!” a little girl yelled, running at him full speed. He bent down and lifted her into his arms effortlessly.

“Oh you’ve gotten heavier. How much has Misaki been feeding you huh?” he teased.

The little girl pouted as she pointed to the floor signaling she wanted to be put down. Terushima chuckled and did so.

Walking over to a slightly annoyed-looking Misaki, he muttered an apology for not going to pick her up and a thanks for taking care of his daughter.

“Hey wait, you look like you’ve been crying… Are you ok Teru?” she asked, eyes showing her concern.

He let out a deep sigh.

“I uh- I found a box with some old pictures of Y/n and I just-”

She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

“Look, I know you miss her and I know you know this, but don’t get too stuck in the past. Focus on what you have now,” she said looking in the direction of the young girl who had made her way over to the small pile of stuffed animals on the couch.

He rubbed his face and nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, thank you Misaki.”

“Ok,” she replied with a sympathetic smile. “I’ll be going then.”

Terushima nodded again and after she said bye to his daughter, he walked her to the door.

Turning back he leaned on the wall and looked affectionately at the girl playing on his couch. She was still so young, but it’s been almost 5 years now that he’s taken care of her.

Time seemed to fly by with her and yet it felt like so long ago he welcomed her to the world.

He understood now the past and its memories were something to be treasured. It was not something to cling on tightly though. The golden days of the past are gone, but the glittering rays that coated the floor and walls of his living room tell him it’s a new age.

It was an age he had to cherish well.

Deciding to do something he’s been putting off, he walked back into his room and brought out the box with all its polaroids and memories.

“Yui, come here. I want to show you something.”

She stared at him before taking one frayed teddy bear into her hands and walking over to her father. Taking his outreached hand, she looked at the box he held in his other.

Sitting at the top of the pile was a photo of a beautiful woman. The sun was shining bright in the background and the light swirled around her as if she was wrapped in a golden halo.

“Is she an angel?” Yui asked innocently, pointing to the picture.

“You got that right,” he replied with a sad smile. “She’s the most beautiful angel out there..”

He watched as the young girl picked up the photo, seemingly mesmerized.

“That angel is your mom.”

“My mom?” she echoed. “Mommy is an angel?”

He smiled and ruffled her hair, “She sure is, and you know what? She’s looking out for us from heaven, so you better be a good girl for her, okay?”

✰✰ NOTE.. pls lemme know if u guys thought this was angsty enough sdkjlsdg,,,, i dunno i can’t seem to tell whether angst is painful enough yet;-; also don’t mind the name yui dkglsd it was the first one i could think of T-T

✰✰✰ TAGLIST.. @lilikags @luna-in-luv @kureyama

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you-did-well-moon · 4 years

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The Warmth Provided (1)

Type: fluff, angst, crack, college au, friends to lovers au

Word Count: 7,784

A/N: This was obviously just supposed to be a little imagine not more than 5k words, but it turned out to be three times as big. I really need to control myself as a writer from now on, and if you request anything from me don't expect it to be as big as this lol. This simply happened because I got the inspiration for it. Also im sorry but y/n real booboo the fool with this one. With that please enjoy and don't be afraid to talk to me.

TW: mentions of mental illness, mentions of infidelity, awkward situations, toxicity from Sungjin, footsie

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3

You groaned whining at Sungjin and tugging at the very warm looking hoodie he wore. He gave an exasperated sigh not daring to even look at you knowing he would give in to your stupid puppy eyes. He put his face in his hands letting out a grunt that could only mean he was giving in to your temptations. You persisted, now putting both hands on his hoodie clad arm and leaning your head on his shoulder. You really could be evil sometimes.

“Y/n please-”

“Come on Sungjinie i’ll give it back by the end of class”

“You said the same thing last time, and you ran out of class WITH my hoodie peaches”

“It was buy one taco get another one free day at the cafeteria…”

You innocently smiled at him as he whipped his head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows and his facial features scrunched up. “Free tacos are on fridays. It was monday” he scoffed, shaking his head as if not being able to believe the audacity you had asking for his hoodie. You slowly blinked your eyes at him. “Sungjin I don’t even remember what month it is, and you want me to know what day it is! Am i a joke to you? You know what, don’t answer that asshole”

You sucked in air through your teeth and leaned back in your seat not being able to believe you and one of your best friends were arguing right before class was going to start because he wouldn’t give you his dumb hoodie. You had forgotten your own because you had spent around half an hour trying to pick what cereal you wanted to eat, and by the time you put the last darn Cheerio in your mouth you had five minutes to run to the opposite side of campus.

You really didn’t get why the human resources building was on the opposite side of campus from your apartment. It was only a matter of time before you actually woke up in time for the class. It didn’t matter because upon arrival to your seat in one of the middle rows in between Sungjin and Dowoon, you found out the professor was late to his own class. Probably still trying to convince his wife to stay with him. Poor man really couldn’t catch a break with that witch.

Mornings were always cold, and the building was also freezing. That brought you here, begging your best friend to let you borrow his hoodie which had cheese stains around the edges of the sleeves and smelled like ramen.

You were desperate.

You grimaced, turning your head to look at the sleeping Dowoon. There was no way you were waking him up to ask for his hoodie. Last time you did that he swung at you with his backpack -which had at least five books the size of your arm in it. Sungjin banned him from playing games for a month as punishment, but it didn’t stop the pain you felt when doing literally any kind of movement. From that moment onwards, you swore never to even look at Dowoon when he was sleeping. You liked your ribs just how they were.

In tact, and not broken.

You shivered, hugging yourself and grimacing at the thousands of goosebumps littering the bare skin of your arms. The feeling from the cold metal of the chair through your thin shirt making you all the more uncomfortable.

You inhaled sharply as you shifted and cold air blew against the exposed parts of your body. “Sungjin please, i’ll make it up to you just please give me your hoodie” you pleaded exposing yourself more to the cold by taking your hands from your body and bringing them together in a begging motion.

Sungjin looked at your shaking figure, worry in his eyes upon noticing your lips turning a paler color than the normal rosy tint they usually had. He threw his head back before giving you a sharp look and smacking his lips.

“Last time you wore my hoodie, you almost got me in trouble, peaches. Everyone thought-” he cut off not being able to make eye contact with you. Your head tilted and you pursed your lips blankly staring at your best friend. You repeated the unfinished thought pushing him to continue while he shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

He didn’t even look at you, his tone on the borderline of hopelessness and defeat when he asked you “Y/n, do you know what it means when a person wears someone else’s hoodie or jacket?”

You looked around af if you could find the answer in the tired faces of the students surrounding you before looking back at his hunched over figure and slowly blinking before adamantly answering, “They’re cold”

At your answer, the sleeping figure of Dowoon slightly shifted as he snorted muttering something about how dumb you were before moving in search of a more comfortable sleeping position. You were just about to raise your hand to retaliate with a slap to his back, but Sungjin caught your attention by belting out a disbelieving laugh now looking at you with wide eyes and an unamused smile.

“They thought we were dating, as in romantically involved, as in an intimate relationship, as in doing more than ki-” Sungjin was now rambling voice getting higher with each word before you cut him off with a light hit to his arm feeling your body grow hot in embarrassment.

“I-I know what dating is Sungjin” You hissed hands clenching around the arms of your chair and feeling your chest cave in as you gasped laughing it off awkwardly. “Come on Sungjin, let’s act like the adults that we are. We know we aren’t dating, and since when have you cared about what people think?” you searched his face looking for the answer in the hesitant shadows of his face.

“I don't,” he answered bitterly.

“Then what’s your problem?” You leaned in left speechless at the unexpected behavior of your friend. You felt like the whole situation was getting too serious over a stupid hoodie, so you tried easing the tension by joking around. “Would I be that bad to date?”

You immediately shrunk back giggling when Sungjin lifted his head from his hands for a little bit to glare at you nostrils flaring before shoving his face back into his hands.

“That’s not it and you know it,” he gritted out. Sungjin truly didn’t mean to get grumpy with you, he was having an internal conflict. Whether to tell you his friend’s secret, or to keep it to himself and not interfere. You were left to stare at him wondering if you should leave him alone for the rest of class while Sungjin went through a flashback that had put him on edge around you.

-2 days ago-

Sungjin groaned, shoving his face deeper into the soft fabric of his pillow and stretching his arm out to the nightstand next to his bed, hand fumbling around for the blaring alarm clock. He grumbled, lifting his head to groggily glare at the numbers displayed on the clock.

7:26

He had 34 minutes to get to his 8 am psychology class. He tiredly exhaled sitting up in his bed and rubbing his bleary eyes. He took a quick shower hoping it would wake him up, but the haziness of sleep still drifted around the corners of his mind. He could barely keep his eyes open as he brushed his teeth.

He threw the first thing he could find from his dresser figuring he could come back to change if he had any change to plans which right now was absolutely nothing. Sometimes he wondered why he had decided to be in a frat, he wasn’t the most social or the most popular, and he didn’t particularly like going to parties- but, he had met some people he could never dream of living without.

Like Dowoon, who he had to push off the bed with a promise that he could sleep in class later. He sighed watching the poor boy stumble as he tugged on a pair of jeans letting out a sigh of relief when he fell back on the bed.

Sungjin couldn’t help but smile. Even with all the people he had met because of the frat, Dowoom and you would be the closest friends he had in this stressful place. You guys were the foundation of everything he had ever found important. The people who guided him when he was lost, and he would be damned if he ever let his friendship with the both of you go.

He mindlessly grabbed his ramen smelling hoodie thinking you could use it if you forgot your own like you did every other day, or Dowoon could use it as a pillow if he was particularly tired like he was...every other day. Sungjin swore that kid had to stop taking the bus to random places late at night. It was a wonder how he hadn’t accidentally ended up in another city with his nightly escapades.

He was thinking about whether he would risk eating or not as he jogged down the stairs to get to the kitchen when he heard your name. He narrowed his eyes stopping right at the last step of the stairs thinking he was mishearing things. Wait- there it was again. Your name. His precious friend’s name.

Sungjin shrugged it off thinking they meant another Y/n, but he was quickly corrected when he heard your last name too.

His jaw ticked and his mouth suddenly felt dry as he wondered what you could have possibly done to have frat boys talking about you. He paused just right outside the kitchen wanting to hear just what they could have been talking about to be bringing you into the conversation.

“How would I know if the girl is single? I didn’t even know she existed before Jae mentioned her”

He heard the person scoff as confusion made Sungjin’s eyebrows tug together. You? In a relationship? You hadn’t had a boyfriend since high school, who he had to stop himself from pummeling into the ground when he cheated on you and had continuously tried getting you back. Sungjin swore you had the worst luck when it came to relationships.

Not only had you had a bad experience with one, but you were too naive when it came to people actually liking you. He had lost count of all the disappointed faces he had seen of people who had asked you out only for you to respond with one of your bright smiles along with something along the lines of “Sure, I would love to be your friend”.

He shivered wincing at the sole memory of some of them. He had never said anything because you had never mentioned liking them, and you told him everything. He really wished he could forget about the fact you sold Dowoon’s game controller in order to buy a Cheeto the shape of a heart which you then proceeded to eat without any regrets.

“Well then what are we supposed to do? Go up to the girl and say “Hey, you don’t know who the hell we are, but we would like to know about your relationship status because you don’t have a Facebook we can stalk to see whether your love life is existent or not”, Sungjin peeked around the edge of the doorway seeing two figures sitting at the kitchen island having breakfast, and the person talking was animatedly waving his hands around.

“We desperately need to know because our friend Jae is about to be strangled since he won’t stop writing stupid sappy love songs about you” Younghyung do you even know how crazy we seem right now. We are quite possibly the worst wingmen in the history of wingmen” He now recognized the voice as Kim Wonpil’s voice, and at the same time Sungjin felt his heart claw up his throat as he slightly stumbled back in surprise.

Jae Park. One of the other members of the frat. And the boy you had been crushing on for two years. Also one of his closest friends not including you and Dowoon. Sungjin suddenly wished he had just stayed in bed today. Jae was one of the most popular guys on campus. Not because he slept around or anything, but because he was actually a friendly person. He got along with everyone, and he was basically friends with everyone.

Jae had helped Sungjin out of some tough spots before, even invited him out to hang out when you and Dowoon were busy doing who knows what. Jae’s closest friends were Kim Wonpil and Kang Younghyun. Sungjin had talked to those two before, but not enough to go up to them and randomly start up conversations with them.

He still remembered the day you had excitedly come up to him squealing about how the Jae Park was in your sociology class. Eyes shining and giggles erupting out of your mouth every five seconds. He really couldn’t stand you that day. Sungjin felt something stir in his chest, but he couldn't really tell what it was. He shook it off stiffly walking into the kitchen with his heart pounding in his ears.

Sungjin had felt awkward almost all his life, but he was sure nothing could top the sudden tension he felt in his body when the boy’s conversation came to a sudden halt at his appearance. He kept his back to them rolling his shoulders and trying to distract himself from the eyes boring into his back. He grabbed the cereal box turning around to get a bowl catching the two boys wildy gesturing at each other with wide eyes before immediately stopping once they noticed he could see them.

He kept his gaze directly directed at his cereal hoping whoever was listening they wouldn’t talk to him.

“Hey, Sungjin?’

He always thought there’d be a day where he’d drown in his cereal. Maybe today was that day. He paused a bit before grunting in reply looking up to see it had been Younghyun who had spoken and Wonpil who was darting his gaze everywhere but Sungjin’s eyes.

“You know Y/n L/n?” Younghyun again spoke leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Sungjin knew he was playing dumb. Everybody knew you and Sungjin were practically glued at the hip. Wherever one of you was, the other could probably be found close by.

He put down the cereal with a sigh, tilting his head at them as he braced himself against the kitchen island with both arms.

“I would hope so. I’ve known her since I was seven years old, and I see her almost everyday” He smiled at them mirthfully feeling an inkling of possessiveness sprout in the confines of his chest. Once again, Sungjin shook it off as protectiveness he felt for you as a little sister.

Younghyun opened and closed his mouth as if not knowing how to respond to Sungjin’s answer. He finally cleared his throat seemingly still finding his voice until Wonpil’s panicked and rushed voice cut him off.

“Are you and Y/n seeing each other?” Wompil immediately clasped his hand to his mouth shaking his head wildy and mumbling warbled apologies while Younghyun slapped the loud mouth upside the head.

Sungjin took a shaky breath in suddenly feeling dizzy as he swayed lightly. His voice was disbelieving when he was able to sputter out his reply.

“W-what makes you think Y/n and I are anything more than friends” his eyes flitted between Wonpil and Younghyun left at a loss for words.

Sure, he and you were inseparable, always going everywhere and anywhere together, but not once had you ever shown signs of being more than friends. Never looking longingly or lovingly at each other, never kissing, never holding hands for more than a minute (in his defense he didn’t want to lose you in the crowd), never proclaiming your love for one another. You guys had never done anything that would suggest anything more than a friendly relationship.

The two boys in front of you looked at each other then at the speechless figure of Sungjin harshly whispering before Wonpil finally made eye contact with Sungjin nervously tapping his finger on the kitchen islan. Pursing his lips he seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

“It’s just that, Jinyoung said he saw Y/n wearing your hoodie. The one you have right now, and you know um people wear each other’s clothes when they’re together, so we just assumed there was something between you guys. We’re sorry Sungjin, we really didn’t mean to jump to conclusions bud”

Sungjin’s eyes drifted down to the hoodie in his hands. The very one he always let you borrow simply because you got cold, and he bought it to class for that exact reason. He was just trying to take care of you, and somehow that had gotten mistaken as anything but friendly intentions. He knew you really liked Jae, but at the same time Sungjin was scared.

He was scared you would leave him behind once you began dating Jae. You almost did when your dumb high school boyfriend told you he didn’t like you being so close to a boy, and he threatened to break up with you if you didn’t distance yourself from Sungjin, your bestfriend. He was terrified of it happening for real this time.

You would have no time for him because you were too busy with Jae, and he would be forgotten by the one person he could always count on. He would lose the smile and laughter of the one person who had always been there for him, but who was he to cling on to you when you could be happier without him. Sungjin felt like he was going to throw up. He was so sure you would leave him behind to rot, you wouldn’t need him anymore.

You wouldn’t need someone to bring a hoodie for you in case you forgot. You wouldn’t need someone to help you fix your bike after you crashed it from getting distracted while riding it. You wouldn’t need someone to patch you up and take away the pain after said bike crash. You wouldn’t need anyone to wipe away your tears when the demons in your head got particularly demanding. You wouldn’t need sungjin anymore because you would have Jae. Sungjin felt like he was getting strangled. He couldn’t breathe past the lump of dread that had formed in his drying throat.

He could not bear to lose the one person that had been by his side through the brightest and cloudiest days. He could not possibly lose the one person that had been by his side through all the ups and downs of life. He could not lose you. Not his peaches with your soft exterior but strong interior.

He felt his body go numb with the immense sadness that tore through his chest, and he began feeling his eyes tear up.

Would he be selfish at the expense of your happiness?

He felt his chest heave as he let out a heavy exhale closing his eyes at the ache beginning to probe at his temples. He shook his head once looking back at the pair who were staring at him with hunched shoulders, both regretting the fact they had even bought it up to him seeing his inner turmoil.

“Does Jae think so too?” his voice was as monotone as he’d ever heard it. Wonpil simply nodded chewing at his lips nervously.

Sungjin shoved the cereal box back into the cupboard not bothering to look at the boys mumbling a low “I need to get to class” as he walked away shaking hands clutching the hoodie to his chest not seeing the worried look the boys gave each other.

-Back to present-

Sungjin groaned feeling like he was about to pass out with all the mixed emotions coursing through his body right now. He decided for now, he would not tell you of Jae’s returned feelings towards you ignoring the guilt clenching around his heart by deciding it was not his place to say what Jae felt.

He quickly slipped his body out the hoodie throwing it at you and grumbling that you better return it to by the end of class. You laughed happily snuggling into the warmth of the hoodie but looking skeptically at Sungjin who had decided to distract himself by scrolling through his phone. You knew when your best friend was hiding something, and right now your best friend was certainly not telling you something.

You felt a bit hurt that even after all these years of building each other up, he couldn’t confide in you when there was something that was bothering him, but you shrugged it off figuring he would tell you when he was ready and you didn’t want to push him. You wondered why he was asking for it by the end of class since he always let you keep it until the end of the day. You once again shook it off figuring he probably got cold too.

You did not give it back by the end of class. You ran out of class. With the hoodie.

By the time Sungjin noticed you were gone with the hoodie still on your body, you were out the human resources building on your way to the student common area where the cafeteria was. Sungjin cursed your black hole of a stomach while Dowoon cackled claiming he deserved it for letting you sell his game controller.

You excitedly ran into the cafeteria stomach growling because let’s be real, cereal was not enough to sustain a growing girl such as yourself. You were instantly met with the smell of different kinds of foods from the variety of restaurants your university cafeteria had. Your eyes hungrily scanned the restaurants lining the room before deciding you could really go for a Subway right now. You were walking out of the little restaurant with the sandwich in your hands when you heard a voice call your name.

You let out a small confused “Huh” in response to the calling of your name spinning around searching the faces of the students peacefully eating and laughing together not being able to find the caller of your name.

Your vision went black as hands suddenly covered your eyes and a chest pressed up against your back. You jumped scared by the sudden greeting gasping in surprise.

“Hey!”, you yelped out.

Your own hands went up to the culprit’s wrists gently moving them down. You tilted your head back being met with a bright smile and a soft laugh that rang in your ears and made your chest fill with warmth. You instantly spun around face to face with your crush of two years.

He was your crush, but he had also become a close friend since the day you had coincidentally sat next to him on the first day of your sociology class not paying attention to who you were sitting next to and just walking to one of the front rows, sure you wouldn’t know anyone in the class.

He whispered your name asking to borrow a pencil and you spent around one minute staring at him like an idiot before fumbling inside your bag for a pencil and giving it to him clumsily. He had chuckled lowly muttering a “cute” under his breath which you were sure you weren’t meant to hear but you had become very attentive to him now knowing he was the one you were sitting next to and stunned by the fact he even knew your name.

You tried ignoring he was sitting next to you, but he moved around so much you wondered if he had to go to the restroom. He eventually noticed your staring simply telling you he had become restless since he had gotten sudden motivation for a song. You were impressed and intrigued by the prospect of him being a songwriter wondering what kind of words he brought to life with different melodies and harmonies.

You sneakily smiled at him, eyes flickering to the professor not far from where you were sitting before sliding your books in front of the notes he had put no effort into and giving him a sly wink giggling.

“I’ll cover for you”, you whispered.

He gave you a look that made a warm tingle run all over your body, eyes softening at you and cheekily winking back.

“I won’t forget your noble sacrifice” he immediately flipped to a new page of his notebook borrowed pencil quickly scribbling across the page.

You had to stop yourself from squealing as you subtly sank in your chair, the corner of your lips twitching as you tried to stop yourself from smiling at seemingly nothing. Sticking your nose into your own notebook and actually writing notes in order to distract yourself from looking at Jae who was now in his own world. Not failing the class was a bonus.

You were so into forcing yourself to pay attention to the monotone professor you didn’t notice Jae’s gaze coming back to your figure every so often taking note of all your features that made his heart beat faster and his head spin.

Ever since that day, you two became close, occasionally getting together outside of class when one of you finally mustered up the courage to plan said get together. It was usually to see a movie where you guys occasionally brushed each other’s hands while trying to get one of the snacks you had bought.

After the movie, it was tradition to go to the noodle place next to the bookstore at the end of the street where you laughed and joked around together. You had never told anyone of these times holding the memories as too precious and personal to share, scared that if you spoke of them they would disappear. You had even refused to hang out with Sungjin telling him you had to study which you felt a little guilty about, but spending a little less time with him wouldn’t hurt right?

Your eyes widened as you pouted at him. “Jae, you can’t just do that to a person, I almost dropped my lunch and I would have made you pay for another one you ingrate” You were once again met with the same laugh as before, except louder this time. The one that instantly made you smile back at him, heart skipping beats periodically. The laugh that made the colors around you suddenly dance with a vibrancy that beautifully spun and twirled making you so wonderfully dizzy.

“I’m a college student Y/n I can barely afford my own food. Do you want me to starve?” His eyes crinkled behind the glasses sitting on his narrow nose making your world spin just a bit faster on the axis of what could only be his smile. “Evil, pure evil.” he shook his head scrunching up his nose as if disappointed in you.

You put your hands on your hips looking offended and tutting. “You’re the one that wants to make me starve. I haven’t eaten in one hour. That’s too long Jae!” he chuckled playfully, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Stop being dramatic and come eat with me loser. I mean uh, if you want to of course. Do you?” he gave you a nervous smile lightly tugging at a strand of your chair before shifting his feet and tugging at his jacket.

You tilted your head as if seriously thinking, looking at his smile slowly falling making your own heart sink being the cause of making something so lovely die. You teasingly reached up to push his glasses back up his nose, finger accidentally gracing the corner of his mouth. Softly laughing you walked by him and gently bumped his shoulder with yours.

“Maybe another day,” you snickered. He instantly played into your joke once again laughing. He did a lot of that. Laugh. Never ashamed to show how happy he was. You on the other hand, had to hide how happy his own happiness made you.

“Walk away from me young lady and I will never let you eat my Starbursts again nerd” he threatened with a small smile playing on his lips. You couldn’t the light laugh that bubbled up from your chest turning around and putting your hands up in mock surrender. Jae’s chest filled with warm tingles like it did every time he made you laugh.

“You monster. You can’t just deprive me of Starbursts. They get me through the horror movies you always pick! I’ll sit with you, for the Starbursts.” Your determined tone and furrowed eyebrows made Jae breathlessly laugh as he walked closer to you hand reaching out towards your frozen figure.

Your heart palpitated as you tried to calm your breathing, but one of his hands took a hold of your hand running up your arm until it located itself on your shoulder, tugging you into his body and making him able to throw an arm around your shoulder.

Your skin burned wherever his warm touch lingered, and your face felt hot. You once again had to take a deep breath to calm yourself from the wondrous euphoria you felt just by being by Jae. He began walking bringing your flustered self along with him. You were so caught up in trying to make sure you didn’t trip, you didn’t notice Jae’s own cheeks tinting with pink or his shaking hand hanging off your shoulder.

He led you over to a table near the windows where two figures were hunched over and inhaling their food, talking to each other every few seconds. You recognized them as Jae’s two closest friends, Wonpil and Younghyun. You had never met them which caused you to dig your heels into the ground effectively stopping both you and Jae.

“Don’t worry they’re nice. As long as i'm here, they won’t do anything. I won’t let them” he had ducked down too whisper into your ear warm breath hitting the shell of your ear. You hesitantly nodded continuing to walk while Jae tightened his arm around your shoulders and brought you closer into his left side making the whole right side of your body burn at the wake of his touch.

Different from his earlier tone he cheerfully called out for the two who didn;t look up from their food.

“Jae you’re usually the first one at the table what took you so long. Wait don’t tell me, busy staring at-'' Younghyun had begun speaking taunting Jae and still not looking up until he was cut off by a shove from Wonpil who had raised his gaze to greet Jae only to be surprised with you basically tucked into his friend’s body. You curiously looked up at Jae wondering what so often caught his attention so much his friends teased him who only shrugged mouthing a “he’s crazy” and looking in Younghyun’s direction.

Jae cleared his voice but you poked him purposefully looking at him and muttering, “I can speak for myself” You turned to the pair who were both kindly smiling at you waving awkwardly at them. “Uh hi, my name is Y/n”

Wonpil smiled sweetly at you putting his chin on his hand and glancing at Jae. “We know”. You stared at him, mouth falling open and uttering a confused “Huh?” You were so focused on staring questionly at Wonpil to notice Jae mouthing threatening words at his friends. Younghyun cut him with a stiff laugh “Sungjin talks about you a lot”.

You instantly bought it smiling at the thought of your friend. You had forgotten these boys were a part of the frat he had recently joined. Wonpil seemed to fall out of whatever stupor he had fallen in stupidly smiling in Jae’s direction jumping up to offer you a handshake and introducing himself which you instantly took hoping your palms weren’t sweaty from nervousness. Younghyun followed in Wonpil’s lead, just a little more relaxed and laid back than the jumpy and energetic Wonpil.

Jae’s hands ushered you to sit down while he sat opposite the seat he had pushed you into next to his friends, making Wonpil’s small form get squished between Jae and Younghyun. You smiled softly at the sight getting reminded by your own little trio of you, Sungjin, and Dowoon. You started unwrapping your sandwich as you answered basic questions from Jae’s friends like what your major was and what flavor of ice cream you preferred.

You found yourself being able to fall into a steady rhythm of laughing and talking with the three boys in front of you getting comfortable enough to relax and talk with ease growing confident with the little group. You were answering Wonpil’s question about the tattoo just behind your right ear when you saw his gaze fall to your clothes, his mouth fell open a little as he struggled to focus on your answer too focused on the hoodie enveloping your form.

His shoulders slightly slumped as he nudged Younghyun muttering to him that you had the hoodie on. You were completely enraptured in the conversation Jae had pulled you into, so Younghyun had to clear his throat to catch your attention. His mouth was tugged into a calm smile, but his gaze was sharp making your stomach quiver with a sudden bundle of nerves.

“The hoodie is nice” he gestured cooly to the hoodie keeping you warm “Where did you get it from” the question seemed to carry double meaning. You saw Jae eyes widen, filling with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, body stiffening in his seat. You suddenly remembered what the one rule Sungjin had given you when throwing the clothing at you, and you had run right out of class breaking the one damn rule he had given you.

You groaned burying your head in your arms while tugging at the fabric that was Sungjin’s hoodie as if it would magically disappear from your body into Sungjin’s hands. You chewed at your lip looking at the boys in front of you, bitten lips now formed into a pout.

“I’m not even supposed to have this. I should have given it to him by the end of class, but it was so cold and Sungjin always gives me his hoodie when I forget mine.” You ran your hands through your hair already practicing what you’d say to him, but you knew the outcome was all the same. He was probably going to give you the scolding of your life. You really didn’t understand why he cared if other people thought you were dating. He had never cared about it before.

People had even confused you as a couple before, and he had always shrugged it off forgetting about it as soon as it happened. “Ugh, he’s going to kill me. If you don’t see me tomorrow Sungjin did it” i said sadly.

Jae wasn’t saying anything finding more interest in the table than the conversation you were currently having with his friends. You wondered what was up with him since he was always more than eager to join in on the conversation, but you coined it off as him being lost in thought.

The sharp look in Younghyun’s eyes remained and he didn’t laugh like most people would at the relationship between you and the other male. Wonpil simply sank in his seat leaning a little closer to Jae. You were beginning to feel anxious left foot tapping across the floor getting ready to bolt any second. Your mouth felt dry and it hurt to swallow the bite of sandwich you had just put in your mouth.

Younghyun finally looked away from you staring out the window next to the table and fiddling with the spoon on his table. “You and Sungjin seem close” his jaw was tight and tone uninterested but you felt like your answer held the weight of the world in it. You chose to stay calm ignoring the voices in your head telling you to run away as fast as you could. The food in your stomach felt heavy and you fought the urge to throw up.

You smiled softly at them. “Of course we are, he’s one of the most important people in my life'' You saw Jae close his eyes as if he had just been punched in the gut, and you saw Younghyun’s hand clenched into a fist knuckles turning white but you kept going, keeping your voice light and soft. “He’s been my best friend since I can remember” you added on taking the hoodie off and instantly wincing and getting attacked by the cold air circulating the cafeteria.

You shivered really hating yourself for forgetting your jacket. Everybody seemed to ease up, so you figured your answer had been the right one. What exactly deemed it as right you still weren’t sure. Younghyun leaned back in his seat, his sharp gaze gone, and the humorous glint in his eyes back. Wonpil put his elbows on the table leaning closer to you and once again asking you another question while Jae seemed to spring back to life also joining in on the conversation with the bright smile back on his face and his eyes getting their shine back.

You couldn’t help but feel a light tingle prick at the back of your neck at seeing Jae happy and himself again. Your lips tugged into a small satisfied smile, and while talking with them you would continuously look at Jae who you caught staring every time then bashfully look back at Wonpil not being able to bear the thought of Jae looking at you and only you.

Jae never looked away from you. Not even when you caught him in the act simply chuckling when you smiled nervously and looked at his friend. You were both so caught up in each other you didn’t see Wonpil wiggling his eyebrows at Younghyun who rolled his eyes but smiled happily nonetheless.

A little tension left your body because the air around the four of you had immensely calmed down, but the cold was now once again seeping into your skin, chilling you to the bones.You gave the boys an uncomfortable smile as you began to shiver. Wonpil and Younghyun smiled at you sympathetically while Jae got an unsure look on his face, lips pursing and eyebrows furrowing. He looked worriedly at you, a silent question in his eyes.

“You okay?” You beamed at him assuring him, but your body was still shaking. He set his shoulders back keeping eye contact with you while getting up and pulling his jacket off his body. He shook his head “Tsk tsk Y/n, what would you possibly do without me?” You felt your face grow hot trying your hardest to ignore the sliver of skin exposed by his shirt riding up when he took off the article of clothing.

His hair was ruffled and his glasses were askew and barely held up by the bridge of his nose, but the only thing you could focus on was the arm extended towards you holding the blue jean jacket being offered to you. Your breath was caught in your throat, and you stood there frozen staring at the jean jacket. You couldn’t even feel the chilly air of the cafeteria anymore. Not when the warmth caused by Jae’s offer was enough to sink into the deepest confines of your chest, settling there giving you an odd sense of comfort making your heart hum happily.

Both you and Jae did not see Wonpil and Younghyun looking at each other with goofy grins before leaving both of you heading towards their next classes.

The hand holding the sweater shook once. “We don’t have all day here loser. My noodle arm really can’t hold this jacket forever. I skipped arm day last week” you held your hand out placing it on the jacket, but you still didn’t take the jacket swallowing harshly and clearing your throat. You looked at Jae beneath your eyelashes blinking slowly at him ,heart pounding against your rib cage. At that moment, nobody but you and Jae existed.

“Are you sure?” your unsure question made Jae roll his eyes, his next actions happening so fast you had no time to properly react. He grasped your wrist from the hand placed on his jacket still in his hand drawing your body towards his with so much force your hips briefly bumped against his. He let go of your wrist instead grabbing his jacket with both hands, and you were forced to put your hand on his shoulder to stop yourself from actually crashing into him.

His arms went around you putting his jacket around your head in order to hang the jacket on your shoulders making sure it covered you enough so the cold wouldn’t bother you anymore. You were pretty sure the whole cafeteria could hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. You couldn’t think straight. The only thing you could even process was Jae’s hands still on the lapel of the jacket, barely brushing the part of your stomach above your belly button.

You seemed to get a control of your body as you looked up at him with wide eyes getting met with his face closer than it had ever been, the lightest flush on his cheek bones and lips slightly parted. You could see your hand trembling with pure adrenaline as the hand that wasn’t on his shoulder reached up to fix his tilted glasses and messy hair. The hand on his shoulder was close enough to his chest to feel the slight drum of his heart unusually fast for someone who was basically standing still.

You really weren’t sure why you were surprised. Jae had always gone out of his for you. Always done little things to take care of you in his own little way. Holding your hand when the professor handed back assignments rubbing your knuckles with his thumb reassuringly, playing his guitar when you were in a sad mood at the park you sometimes visited after coming back from the noodle place, gently brushing your hair away from your face when it fell on your face while writing notes, or crushing you in a hug when you didn’t get the grade you wanted hand gently holding you against him.

He always joined in on your childish behavior by pushing you on the swing or going down the slide with you at the park, always bringing you your favorite snacks from the convenience store he walked by on the way to class knowing fully well you sometimes forgot to eat, or even letting you spill your tears to him on days you just didn’t feel good.

He had always stuck by your side. During both good days and bad days even managing to make the bad days good days just by being there with you making it his mission to make you smile. All this made you come to a realization. Sure, maybe what you had for him before was nothing but a silly crush, but now as you got to know him more and become someone he confided in, the feelings you got around him were crystal clear.

You were in love with Jaehyung Park, and now that you knew what you were feeling, you wanted to scream it to the whole world. What you were feeling was something so beautiful and precious that people only dreamed to experience. You weren’t sure if the vile world would ever allow you to feel this ethereal emotion ever again, and as you looked up at the man your heart had so harshly and deeply fallen for, you were terrified. You didn’t want to ruin what you had.

You wanted to stay like this, blissfully unaware of each other's true feelings for one another. Even if your body and heart longed to be close to him, to touch him, feel him, and know every crevice and inch of him, you counted yourself lucky to be able to be close to him like this, where your probably unreturned feelings didn’t make anything awkward or burdensome for anyone.

You felt a little prick at your eye cursing yourself for wanting to cry, but you managed a small smile in Jae’s direction taking a step away from him and suggesting you sit back down since you both still had time before you had to go to class. He sat on the opposite side of the table as you, gaze not straying away from you.

You took a deep breath feeling tingles running along your spine since the air between you both had become tense filled with something you couldn’t identify. You both remained silent sitting there. You became fidgety, stretching your legs in front of you only for your right leg to gently bump against what you assumed to be the pole supporting and holding the table up. You were staring outside watching all the students pass by happily ignorant to the slight change in relationship between the two friends sitting across each other sitting in silence.

You absentmindedly started running your leg up and down the pole under the table when you heard a weird sputtering sound much alike to choking from a foot away from you. You turned away from the window looking at the man across from you only to flinch back in surprise with the sight you were met with.

Jae was staring at you with wide panicked eyes, and his shaking arm held up to his face, but even with the arm you could see the red tinting his chest, neck, face, and ears. His chest was heaving and you could see his whole body trembling. You instantly grew worried all focus going to Jae assuming there was something seriously wrong with him. The table wasn’t that wide which allowed you to lean closer to his body holding your palm to his forehead feeling it was abnormally hot. You anxiously tapped your foot against the pole supporting the table. “Jae are you okay?” you heard him gasp out an answer not being able to understand at all when you felt the pole under the table slightly move against your leg.

Wait, poles can’t move.

74 notes · View notes

ajokeformur-ray · 5 years

Note

ok so for the match up thing!! name is loren, im 20, a 5'2 tiny goth kiddo who looks always grumpy and has a dark sense of humor i guess. i study philosophy and i write for a theatre company because i don't have the guts to act!! im,,, a shy mess. never dated before although i had some casual sex but really it felt so empty that i choice not to have it anymore unless im in love honestly. i own a typewriter! and im always dancing in my room because it feels good and it helps me when im manic!

also I have BPD and I cling too much to people, like really depending by em if they’re my fave at the moment and im very jealous and have anger issues but I try my best to be nice or polite at least!! i love cats, snakes and ravens. i love cozy days when you do nothing at all except for laying under a blanket and watch the rain or little things like this! i like to cook and being Italian, i can cook very well. i have glasses but i hate how I do look with em so I don’t ever wear em.

i love arthur fleck so fucking much i literally would die for him because he needs to be spoiled and cuddled and just thinking about him makes me cry so loud- but i love the joker as well, of course, being the smug bastard he is!! and daydreaming about him helps me going through the day which it’s not always so easy because sometimes it’s just too much, you know

ohhhh I forgot I wear a shit load of make up like literally I look like Robert Smith most of the time and I don’t give a fuck about people opinions ai literally go to lessons dressed like a gothic doll most of the time

i’m also a night owl

Arthur Fleck (I know he’s angry in this GIF but fuck he’s hot)

word count: 1, 131

We don’t know Arthur’s real age, but Joaquin (the gorgeous man that he is) is 44, so let’s assume the same for Arthur for a touch of realism, shall we? That being said, this means that Arthur would be so hesitant to even talk to you because of your age. You see him staring, though, you see him following you sometimes wearing that thin yellow hoodie he seems to love, and so you decide to approach him. He’s instantly smitten.

You have a dark sense of humour and so does Arthur, so this is perfect for his ego. His comedy is a sore spot, it always has been, because no one supports this precious boi in anything he does and it’s really fucking sad. When he cracks a really dry, deadpan and dark joke and you burst out laughing, love just blooms in his chest and he falls in love with you a little more. How are you real? He’s convinced you’re a delusion he’s concocted sometimes, but he dares not question it. Anything is better than the truth. Anything.

You study philosophy, so your intellect is definitely above Arthur’s. His handwriting is really bad (in the cutest way? Imagine handwritten letters from him that are filled with smiley faces and words scribbled out like 1000000 times because he can’t spell it right until he gives up and uses a word he does know how to spell) and because of how impoverished he is, that suggests that he’s uneducated. As such, when you write an essay or an assignment or you complete some other work, he’d want to read it but he wouldn’t really understand some of the more technical stuff. He’s not at all stupid, he’s very clever, and I think sometimes he’d ask you a question late at night about the thing you’re studying just so he can go to sleep to the sound of your voice. With his weary head cushioned on your chest, your heartbeat in his ear, your voice and your hands in his hair, he’d be asleep in no time.

I feel like Arthur would really love the fact that you’re shy because that means it’s easier for him to assume the protective role? So, like, he’d find your shyness frankly adorable and if you ever got shy over him then it just becomes a circle of shyness before Arthur bursts out into uncontrollable laughter and you have to comfort him through a fit. Just squeeze his hand, patiently wait it out, and reap the rewards when he can breathe again and his lips are on yours as a thank you.

You love to dance and this… Oh, this is a quintessential part of your whole relationship. When it’s late at night and Arthur is listening to music on the radio, he’d approach you, his body already swaying to the beat, and his hands would find your hips and he’d dance with you, doing that really fucking attractive shoulder thing he does. It ends up with the two of you in the bedroom doing a different kind of dance, if you get my meaning ;) Arthur understands how simple things can help you when you’re feeling a certain way, so when you’re feeling manic it’s almost 1000% guaranteed that he’ll just start dancing with you until you’re so tired you don’t want to do anything anymore.

You have BPD and you cling to people, which would actually really reassure our boi. He would need near constant reassurance that you’re real, that you love him, that he’s not hallucinating your entire fucking existence, that you’re not going to leave etc, etc. In return for all the coddling you (gladly) give him, he would do anything for you. And I mean anything ;) he would let you cling to him in any meaning - physically, mentally, emotionally. Anything. “You’re my Loren, it’s my job to take care of you.” and he’d do it so well you’d be ruined for anyone else in your life. Ever. He’s a jealous boi and though he’d take you at your word, if someone wasn’t getting the memo he’d have to step in.

You both adore and live for cozy days inside his apartment. He has a special blanket that he likes to curl up under with you. It smells like the two of you and when either of you are missing the other because of work, studying or whatever else, then you huddle under it until the other returns. You can cook well, which is perfect because the best Arthur can do is really cheap microwave meals. He’s worryingly thin, not only because of the seven medicines he’s on but also because he just can’t afford to eat. It’d be really hard for him to even put any weight on, but at least you keep him regularly fed.

When you told Arthur that you would actually die for him and that you love him so much it just makes you cry sometimes, he’d be astounded. He’d just sit there, blinking for a few tense seconds before his throat rips with loud, intrusive laughter which is so hard and so uncontrollable that he can taste blood in the back of his throat. You’d hold him, love him, support him and cherish him and that right there means that he’s never going to leave you. Not ever. Sex with him reflects this. He’s so gentle, so tender and so loving that it makes your heart bleed. It’s not uncommon for one or both of you to actually cry during sex because you’re just so, so in love with each other that it hurts in the sweetest, most precious way.

You know who you are and you know what you want and you don’t give a fuck what people think about you. You wear what you want when you want and that’s such a fucking mood and Arthur would be so proud of you and he’d totally offer to do your makeup for you using his own work supplies! He’d be so careful and he’d giggle against the way your nose wrinkles when he’s a bit too careful with his brush and he’d want to kiss you again and again, ruining your makeup purposefully so he can stay closer to you for just a little longer and…. oh, I’m actually gonna cry writing this wow… (spoiler: I did.)

In the grand conclusion because wow I’ve rambled: you and Arthur have the sweetest, most precious relationship. It’s full of love. There are definite challenges, there are some arguments because things just get too much for the both of you sometimes and sometimes there’s more taking than giving on either side because that’s how it can be, but you never leave each other. Never, never, never.

Joker (fun fact when this part showed in the cinema I was with my mum and i legit went “Oh, fuck me” as in I properly moaned AND SHE HEARD ME. two weeks later and she still hasn’t said anything but I know she heard me)

word count: 1, 522

Whereas Arthur struggled to even think of talking to you because of the huge age gap, Joker really isn’t all that bothered. You’re a fully consenting adult who knows her own mind, so what’s the harm, right? So long as you’re both happy and comfortable with each other, he couldn’t care less. That being said, you’re 5′2 and Joker is 5′8 so there’d be some height teasing going on. He would put things up on a higher shelf in the kitchen just so he can come up behind you and ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) press his crotch up and into your bottom as he retrieves the item you’re after with a cocky grin on his face and fire in his eyes. Sexual teasing is a very normal part of your relationship and it’s a serious warning sign that he is not okay if he doesn’t do anything like that towards you all day.

You have a dark sense of humour and you look grumpy a lot of the time, which means that, often, Joker will practically bounce up to you and use his index fingers to make you smile. It wouldn’t take long for you to actually smile from his actions, though, and that’s exactly why he does everything that he does; because he knows you can’t resist him, the smug bastard. Oh, but you love him, and he know the depth of your love for him. He’s so very honoured by it, though his way of showing it is sometimes to murder someone who irritated you last Thursday and not ever telling you about it. He’s a strange one, but he’s so free that you find yourself not minding. Just so long as he’s happy; when Joker is down, it means that something is hugely wrong and it reminds you so badly of Arthur that it hurts and you might have to crack out some of his own jokes just to cheer him up. For example, if you handed him an actual human heart and said, “I love you, Joker”, he’d burst out into loud and genuine laughter and would end up smudging his makeup from kissing you so soundly. Isn’t he gorgeous?

Joker isn’t political, religious, or anything of the sort. He tells you and others that he doesn’t believe in anything. But there’s one thing he believes in. Just one. It’s the love you have for each other that he vehemently believes in. if anyone even dared to suggest that your love isn’t as strong as you say - she’s just scared of being killed, that’s why she’s with him, or what a freak! How can she stand to kiss him? - then he’d go fucking apeshit. The last person he overheard doubting your love for him ended up swallowing several bullets in quick succession. Overkill? Perhaps, but he doesn’t care. No one gets to doubt your love for each other, not even yourselves. He’d be very supportive of your studies and I have no doubt that, if you ever got a shaky grade, it’d be changed very quickly by a shaking tutor who can’t quite look you in the eye. The smiley face on the whiteboard which looks like a child did it clues you in hugely, though. His actions are wrong but it comes from a very heavily guarded heart of gold.

Where Arthur finds your shyness cute and he would immediately adopt Protective Mode™, Joker would just relentlessly tease you just to see how deep your blush goes. “That’s an interesting shade of red, Loren. Where have I seen it before? Ah, yes…” *Twirls and fingers the hem of his red tuxedo* Be warned, though… Only Joker gets to tease you about being shy. If anyone else dared to tease you for being shy or for stuttering or for tripping over your words and oh god shut up, he’d rip them a new one. Only he gets to tease you. He does, sometimes, wind you up on purpose, just to see how far he can push you before you snap and want to punch something. He finds it incredibly amusing. Deep down, though, he’d be just as protective as Arthur and would find himself doing things for you that you’re too shy to do; in whatever means you need! ;)

You dance because it helps you when you’re manic but also because you enjoy it. Just like with Arthur, this is absolutely essential in your relationship with Joker. A lot of the time when you’re dancing, he’d step in flawlessly and you’d start dancing together like Fred and Ginger, with him dipping you, spinning you around, lifting you up with surprising strength, and it’s one of his favourite ways (other than makeup sex) to apologise to you. “Dance with me.” Immediately would his hands grab you, spinning you, his intense green eyes never leaving yours, that damned smirk on his lips as he sees that blush rising on your face… Again, like with Arthur, you do several modes of dancing together; some are more preferable to others!

When you’re out and about together in public, you’re basically glued together. Your hands are held so tightly by the other that you’re not sure whose hands is whose and, are your fingers getting a bit numb? Both of you have jealousy and anger issues for slightly different reasons; Joker because it’s borne from a place of deeply set abuse and abandonment issues, and you have your own reasons that he may or may not know about. He finds it baffling that you get jealous over him, though. So many of Arthur’s neuroses still live on in Joker, despite his bravado. You try to be polite, but Joker makes no such efforts; he will destroy someone for even glancing at you in the street.

You both live for cosy days. These are the days during which Joker will relax his persona. He will cuddle with you, watching shows on TV, his fingers grazing along the underside of your breasts or even dipping under your underwear. You can arch your hips into his touch all you want, he’s not gonna give you what you want unless you’re patient. He loves foreplay more than the act itself; to him, anticipation heightens everything deliciously. You cook very well, and Joker would love to watch you cook. He enjoys the heat you summon into the bedroom, and he loves bending you over the counter, sweeping the dirty plates into the sink with a noisy crash (and you have to buy new plates at least once a week), and fucking you until you’re only upright because of his arm wound tightly around your waist.

You once told Joker that you often think of him when you’re not with him, just because he offers you comfort and support from wherever he is. Just knowing he’s somewhere in Gotham wreaking havoc or even waiting for you to get home makes you feel like you can conquer the fucking world, and he was flattered. He did get a little upset, though, when you confessed that you would actually die for him if you had to. He kills for you, and sometimes because of you without a thought, but turning that idea around onto you makes him feel hot in all the wrong ways. I actually think Joker would crawl into your arms that night, needing to feel that you were there, and real, and even now he’s wondering how you could possibly love him knowing all that he has done and will continue to do. He would make you promise to never keep your word on this topic, because no one is gonna be dying in this relationship. You and him are forever a ride or die. For better or for worse.

You stand together at the bathroom sink putting your faces on. Your shoulders are touching, which means sometimes your elbows bump into each other and one of you makes a mistake with the makeup. “Oh, would you look at that? My makeup’s ruined,” Joker would hum, “what are you going to do about it, darling?” There’s only one answer to this, and it’s the two of you kissing each other so passionately that you have to wash your faces off and start again. Who knows, maybe you don’t get to leave the bathroom that day. Makeup is one of the biggest expenditures in your small household, even with Joker knowing where to go to get the good stuff.

In conclusion: dating Joker would be so very different to dating Arthur, but there is love, compassion, trust, adoration, so much sex you’re surprised you can still walk most mornings (he can and will go multiple rounds with you in a day; he’s a horny fucker, is our Joker), and there are definitely more emotional challenges than there are any other, but you’ve learned to stick it out with him over the years, You’d never leave him for any reason, even if he murdered everyone in Gotham (and a lot of the time he’s sorely tempted to burn the city to the ground and start all over again).

#rebs-doom #Requests closed #requests open for joker 2019 #matchup #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck #arthur fleck imagine #joker #joker imagine #joker x reader #joker (2019) imagine #joker 2019 imagine #joaquin phoenix #joaquin phoenix x reader #joaquin phoenix imagine #phoenix!joker #phoenix!joker imagine #phoenix!joker x reader #todd phillips

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ain-t-bovvered · 5 years

Text

15x07 Commentary

YEAH I’M SO LATE BUT I HAVE SHIT TO DO .

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon (Kat)

@waywardbaby (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered (Giulia)

Nat : 3

Nat : 2

Nat : 1

Nat : go

Giulia: Yas eileen

Zee: This thing with the bullet I still don’t completely get

Kat: So happy she’s back

Kat: It’s not a real bullet

Giulia: Us

Nat : do they always have to have a flashback tho

Zee: Future corpses

Kat: But it’s explained a bit more this episode

Nat : Tag yourself

Giulia: I know the blonde one

Giulia: I’m the brunette

Zee: I’m the brunette

Kat: Brunette for sure

Nat : I'm a mix

Kat: Nah babe you’re the blonde

Zee: I’ve only been the blonde once

Zee: Amazing

Nat : What

Nat : I didn't hear a car

Kat: At least the blonde didn’t get murdered

Zee: Bitch wipe the spit

Nat : Yet

Giulia: Oh no clean your lips yuck

Kat: Too much throw up sound

Nat : Ridiculous. You would still hear it

Giulia: Well ok wow

Giulia: I jumped not gonna lie

Nat : Ew What is that

Zee: Was that a werewolf ?

Giulia: The wendigo feels

Nat : snorts

Kat: Red shirt of sex

Giulia: Oh look wallowing in depression again

Nat : Ah Deano

Zee: Weak

Kat: Yum

Kat: No surprise there

Zee: What’s that sound of his lips?

Nat : "Yeah"

Zee: Mostly

Kat: SAM AND EILEEN ARE SO CUTE

Giulia: OH NO I LOVE THIS

Zee: Real bacon

Nat : Real bacon?

Nat : lol

E: We might've gotten just a little carried away with the margaritas last night.

Giulia: WOW

Kat: Fucking adorable

Giulia: SO DOMESTIC

Kat: So domestic

S: You're turning down bacon?

D: Mm, yes, yeah, I'm actually... I'm gonna head out.

Kat: Get out

Giulia: DEAN’s weird

Zee: I’m good Dean motto

Nat : "I'm good" I'M GOOD, GOOOOOOOOD

D: It means I got to... I got to get out of here, okay? I just... I got to...I'm gonna take a drive, clear my head.

S: Eileen and I have stuff to do.

Giulia: Lol

Giulia: I BET U DO

Zee: Look at that face

Kat: Aw someone’s feeling like a third wheel

Zee: Aaagggggghhh

Giulia: MY GOD

Kat: The dimples

D: Um, okay, but if, uh, things go your way, just make sure you put the sock on the door so I know.

Nat : sock on the door

Zee: Sock on the door

Kat: The wink melts

Giulia: not only on the door

Nat : well that would be highly uncomfortable

Giulia: Oh shush you know what im talking about

Nat : What's with the hair

Kat: DUKES IS A CLUE

Zee: Can he shut his face ?

Giulia: The accent lol

Giulia: He weird

Nat : Jensen's jealous that the sheriff can have an accent and he doesn't

Zee: Do you all talk like that Kat ?

Kat: Excuse you. I do not speak like that.

Giulia: Snort

Kat: Dean is not impressed

Zee: Can we focus on the scruff for just a sec?

Giulia: And the crazy hair

Nat : SHUT YO FACE

Kat: The blue steel

Giulia: You’ve got the look

Zee: Is he hitting on him?

Giulia: IS IT TIME

Zee: Swayze’s???

Kat: Roadhouse nod

Zee: Look at that strut

Giulia: Nice

Nat : Fun that there's only one parking spot left right in front

Giulia: I wanna go in a dump like that

Nat : Lots of Woo girls

Giulia: Hand it over

Nat : Get in line

Giulia: Lol i like her. Will she die

Giulia: Oh well now she will

Zee: Nice

Nat : Ow

Kat: Damn girl

Giulia: Cute. They cute

Kat: Dean friggin Winchester

Zee: Is this ep filled with his close ups?

Giulia: So cute

Nat : HE owns this joint?

Zee: I’m happy

Nat : Will this be the place where Dean will always end up tho. Because his friend owns the joint

Zee: Look at that couple

Giulia: SO CUTE

Giulia: the stares

Giulia: Cute

Kat: SO CUTE

Giulia: Why don t we do something fun

Zee: Do something fun

S: Yeah. Um... ideas?

E: I mean, a few.

Zee: Go girl

Kat: GET IT EILEEN

Giulia: NO. COME ON

Zee: Seriously ???

Giulia: AH BUT IT S CAS SO OK

Kat: It’s not okay

Kat: CAS IS A FUCKING COCKBLOCKING ANGEL

Nat : Ah

Giulia: my bb has done nothing wrong in his entire existence,ever, shut yo mouths

Zee: WHAT A COCK BLOCK

Nat : Snort

S: So we've been looking for signs of Chuck and Lilith

C: Lilith?

S: Yeah, uh, she's back.

Giulia: U should have read your messages cas

Nat : Hey, nobody can say that they've been cock blocked by an aNgEL oF tHe LorD

Zee: I think that Sam’s virginity might have grown back man

C: So there may be some of you inside Chuck.

Giulia: Ew

Zee: Ew

Nat : Is that sexual

Giulia: Family business beers lol

Kat: I think you’re right

L: I always liked that crusty son of a bitch.

Giulia: Awe dad. Crusty sob lol

Kat: Oh.

Kat: No

Giulia: Ah well praises from dad Winchester

Zee: His crinkles are distracting me

Giulia: And his smirk

Kat: Aren’t they great

Nat : THE MAN IS DISTRACTING ME

Giulia: ...ah that stare

Zee: So that’s how you felt last ep? @Giulia

Giulia: Yes. U get it now

Zee: He needs to shut up

Giulia: Awe dean. And now some zoom

Nat : Dean, you don't wanna do that

Zee: That head nod hurt my soul

S: Cass, are you sure about this?

C: No, but I am sure I can't heal the wound. Maybe I can probe it.

Giulia: Yes probe cas

Zee: Probe

Kat: Ew lol

Giulia: Im ready

Giulia: Same

Zee: This is gonna sting

Nat : This is gonna sting

Nat : snorts

Giulia: Sam are you ok

Nat : a little

Giulia: Awe

Giulia: Oh wow

Kat: DAMN IT

Giulia: Nice cas

Nat : AH

Zee: Amazing

Nat : Well he's not ok now is he

Kat: Poor Sammy

Giulia: Awe that cheek rub

Zee: Sam knocked out again

D: This is Dean's other-other-other-other phone. Leave a message.

Zee: Other other other

Giulia: AH how does it feels now cas

C: Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I..

Nat : How many phones does he has

Zee: Jaggers

Giulia: Look at that tuff of hair

Nat : Ew

Giulia: Slutty

Kat: Everything about him is slutty

Zee: Can’t spell it

Zee: Love it tho

Nat : Split up Triplets?

Zee: He’s gonna get some me thinks

Giulia: What a dumb stare

Kat: Ah I miss blushy Dean

Giulia: Oh him again

Nat : Who dat

Giulia: Sam winchester is hurt

Giulia: What else is new

Giulia: The one with gabe grace

Nat : A collecter

Kat: You think so huh

C: Let me rephrase. If you don't help me tonight,

Zee: Cas is serious

Giulia: WHO U CALLING

Kat: A return of badass Cas finally

Giulia: Lol yellow fever

Nat : Cas has zero patience

Giulia: Same

Zee: We’ve been knew

Giulia: U have even less

Nat : No but I just don't think that he'll get any this season cuz it won't do anything to the plot

Nat : Plot of dying guest stars

D: Trust me, uh, bigger doesn't always equal better.

Giulia: what she said

D: Besides, who's gonna look out after the little guy? God certainly isn't.

Giulia: Damn brother that’s rough

Zee: Rough decade

Zee: No shit

Giulia: He has no idea

Kat: Ugh that smile

Nat : Dean has doubts. I hate that

Giulia: aw look that is future dean if he’s going on like that

Giulia: GIMME

L: Remember that old song your dad used to play us before we'd go out on a Hunt?

Giulia: GIMME THE SONG. GIMMIEH

D: Oh, no.

All of us: Oh, yeah.

Zee: YAS

Giulia: come on BOI

Kat: I had to look the song up

Giulia: YEAH what song

Kat: I didn’t know it 😂

Zee: LIPSYNCHING

Kat: Dukes was a clue

Zee: DUKES OF HAZARD

Giulia: idk her

Zee: THE SHOW

Giulia: still don’t know her

Giulia: AWE HE NERVOUS

Nat : YEEEEEE HAW

Giulia: YEEEEP

Kat: DEA IS SO NERVOUS AND SHY AND CUTE

Giulia: FUCK OFF

Kat: Exactly

Giulia: flips table

Kat: HE REALLY SINGS

Kat: THAT LOW NOTE

Nat : Better than Karaoke Demon Dean

Giulia: don’t let him hear you

Giulia: YAAAS

Kat: FUCK ME

Zee: Wait in line

Zee: He’s so happy I’m scared

Giulia: AWE 20sec of happiness

Kat: NO

Giulia: STOP. MY BODY CAN T TAKE IT TO

Nat : Ah

Kat: Damn I’m soaked again

Giulia: Me

Zee: Thank god don’t need my ovaries anymore

Kat: He sounds so Texan this ep

Zee: Oh fuck yeah

Kat: Them bowlegs

Nat : What a concidence

Giulia: WHO HE CALLED

Zee: Not the ghostbusters

Nat : I like Sergei. He's got attitude

Giulia: I hate him

Kat: YOU’LL FIND OUT

C: Okay, that's enough. You're here for a reason.

Giulia: Cas needs to tie his fucking tie because he slutty af

Zee: He’s following the mood of the ep

Kat: Poor Eileen so worried

Zee: Dying?

spn fandom: what else is new

Giulia: Not even surprised

Giulia: Of course he is

Nat : What else is new

Giulia: She loved jesus and america too

Giulia: So I’m a bad girl

Zee: It was a good car

Giulia: FIGHT THE FAIRIES

Nat : lol it's the tom petty song

Giulia: me in the morning

Zee: You love Jesus and America in the morning ?

Kat: Love that song

Giulia: Am I too young for that shit?

Nat : Freeeeee Faaaaallin

Giulia: No, that whiskey in the coffee. Pay attention

Zee: Yeah. Like you paid attention last week

Giulia: Well I was on the important stuff

Kat: Okay children

Giulia: Look at my confused bb

Kat: Sergei is so dramatic

Giulia: Nice shit

Zee: The legs

Giulia: Shot

Zee: Also correct

Nat : HE knows that the junkyard is NOT a runway right?

Giulia: Don t think he does

Kat: Everywhere is a runway for him

Giulia: That haircut is bad ok

Kat: I saw it coming a mile away

Nat : He ded

Zee: Wait for it

Nat : Like I said, plot of dying guest stars

Giulia: They need to stop with these jumpscares

Giulia: SERGEI

Zee: Fucker

Nat : They need to find Amara. Think Amara is sick of her brother herself. she'd probably help them without even wanting anything in return

Kat: Don’t worry Cas takes care of him

Giulia: good

Giulia: Nice Eileen

Giulia: The key to death. Psh fuck off

Kat: The key to death. That’s going to come into play I bet

Giulia: So dramatic

Zee: Cas still confused. And angry

Giulia: Look at that face

Nat : Sergei is so fucking extra

Zee: Suck it Sergei

Kat: He called Bobby

Giulia: Oh the other bobby. Forgot about him

Nat : They should get the key and open the door to the empty. Bring Jack back. And death. Ah why am I babbling

Kat: It’s what you do

Giulia: Snort

Nat : The eye squint

Kat: It doesn’t open the empty though I don’t think lol

Giulia: Wtf is in there

Kat: Aw Dean tied down. My fave

Nat : What is that thing

Nat : What she said

Giulia: But also

Zee: Shut up

Giulia: Will dean have to kill his fwriend

Kat: 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Giulia: Nice

Zee: He will huh?

Giulia: It won’t be a great addition to his mental health

Nat : Have you been watching the same show

Kat: All his friends die

Giulia: All their friends die

Kat: Well Eileen’s back lol

Giulia:FOR HOW LONG

Kat: SHUT YOUR FACE

Giulia: I M JUST BEING REALISTIC

Kat: I know but my heart can’t take it

Nat : Every one who comes on the show die

Zee: Shush

Giulia: OH NOW YOU DO CARE

Zee: Can blood really go up the tube?

Giulia: If there is vacuum yeah

Nat : I don't think they care

Giulia: The monster needs to suck

Nat : It doesn't suck

Giulia: He stupid

Zee: Oh stop please

Kat: Come on Dean get out

Giulia: What she doesn’t say

Kat: Nice

Nat : The monster will get out

Nat : what he said

Zee: And kill lee

Awe look at Dean’s repulsion towards his friend

Giulia: Nah dean will kill lee. Because this is supernatural

Zee: Daddy’s home

Nat : Surprise

Kat: The head

Giulia: Is that the sound of water 2

Kat: Ew

Zee: God bless Texas

Nat : Why does Lee do that for again? I missed it

Zee: His happiness

Kat: Money health

Nat : Feeding people to a monster makes him happy

Kat: Because fuck everyone else

Giulia: Ah saw it

Giulia: Oh yeah dean?

Kat: The monster gives him things for keeping it fed

Nat : Ah Nat : Dean distracts me

Kat: He yummy

Zee: I kill monsters

Giulia: Awe dean . Well you become the hero or the monster you hunt i guess

Zee: Welcome to my world

Giulia: Ouch

Zee: Impaled

Giulia: That should hurt so much more

Nat : Ah, that's the cue he was talking about that didn't break at first and he had to "walk off the pain" Kat: What

Giulia: ?

He told it once at a con I think? They had a fight with a cue and the cue didn't break like twice or three times and his back was blue

Giulia: Awe bb dean

Kat: Aw his murder face. Now sad face

Giulia: CAS

Giulia: awe look at them

Giulia: Oh

Nat : Awkward

Zee: That bed is too small

Kat: No, he’s just huge

Kat: What she said

Zee: What she said

Giulia: Everything is too small concerning to sam

Nat : Preview?

Giulia: TRAILER TIME

Kat: Ya go watch

Nat : Adam snorts

Kat: ADAM

Giulia: SNORT. FAMILY SUCKS

Kat: Basically tells them to suck it lol

Giulia: you let me rot in hell. Well he ain t wrong

Nat : Can u blame him

Kat: From his view, they must

Zee: They left him there for ages

ee: I’m happy with this ep. Need to change panties but I’m happy

Zee: You can leave this out

Kat: No leave it in lol

sam and Eileen cute gif

Giulia: They kill me

Giulia: Ok but if that’s sam endgame i’m so good with that. My bb deserve it

Giulia: Hope it doesn’t end in smoke

Giulia: snort

Giulia: That was mean

Kat: Wow Giuls

Giulia: Ok but look at it from chuck’s eyes

Giulia: SHOCK FACTOR

Giulia: PLOT

Giulia: CONTINUITY

Giulia: lol

15x08 coming soon

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc @dammitsammy @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride @destielhoneybee @castiellover20 @ravenhg @evvvissticante @emoryhemsworth @markofdean79s

#supernatural 15x07 #15x07 spoilers #15x07 commentary #Episode commentary #spn commentary #SUPERNATURAL COMMENTARY

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muslimsonic · 6 years

Text

ADHD: Executive Dysfunction

Alright, so I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about how people struggle with understanding what ADHD is, how it operates, and how it differs from the experiences of the middle 50% [25%-75%] considered the average. And I didn’t research ADHD for 9 hours straight not to dump all of this here.

Note: I have ADHD, I’ve researched this, but I am not a medical professional blah blah blah ok now onto the fun interesting stuff!!!!

I put this under a cut bc its,,,, longish.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning is what carries you from day to day tasks. It’s like the constantly active personal assistant in the back of your head. Let’s call them Effie. Effie constantly makes lists and breaks down tasks for you! I don’t mean large projects, I mean the simple stuff!

Like doing your laundry.

If you have ADHD, or anything with executive dysfunction as an issue, then you probably already know that the simple stuff hardly ever feels simple.

Doing your laundry requires many motions, most of which you omit in listing what you must do to complete this task.

Someone with executive functions in working order, probably

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

2. Put the laundry in the washing machine

3. Put the detergent in the machine

4. Turn on the machine

5. When it is ready, put the clothes in the dryer

6. Collect the clothes when finished

7. Take them back to your room

8. Fold and put away

Tada! All done. There are quite a few steps omitted that you would consider givens. However, try and apply this precise list to someone with executive dysfunction, and you will most likely not have the same success, because of the number of places where steps conflict, being thrown out in favor of what is done immediately. Here’s a small idea of how many cracks are in this plan, even at step one:

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

When?> I’ll do it after I finish what I’m doing > Oh no I just remembered something else > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes for work/school/whatever > MISSION FAILED

When?> Someone else is using the washing machine now, i’ll do it later > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

Why? > I have enough clothes right now, I’ll be fine > Oh no I ran out of clean socks + underwear > MISSION FAILED

What?> There’s no detergent so I can’t do this > (at the grocery store) I think i have everything! > Oh no i forgot detergent > I have no clean clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

When?> I have too much free time so I’ll do it after I take care of this other thing that’s equally important > Oh no I forgot to do my laundry I don’t have anything to wear > MISSION FAILED

In what order? > There’s too much to do and they are all registered in my head as permanently equal priority so I have to do them all at the same time, but I can’t do them all at the same time, so I physically am unable to proceed until this loop/error is resolved.

What extra steps are involved?> Huh i know i have to take my laundry to the washing machine, but there’s also stuff in the washing machine area/on the way there that needs to be moved in order to do it, but I haven’t thought of that, instead seeing metaphorically an indistinct looming mass of extra equal priority work around taking my laundry to the washing machine > I don’t do it > MISSION FAILED

And that’s only a few of the cracks in step one.

See the problem?

Let’s take a closer look at how deep it goes. Do you know how much you rely on executive functioning in your day to day life? Yes? No? How did you get out of bed this morning? How did you open your eyes? Everything you do, even running away from something chasing you, is dependent on executive functioning. Memory. Recall. Starting anything, and I mean anything. Breaking down what needs to be done. You’re so used to it, you see a lot of the steps as givens not needed to be stated. When do you do this? What priority level is this? Every success you’ve had in your life, you would not have had without your executive functioning.

It’s the messenger, sending signals from the hub, recall this, you have to do this, this task is more important than this, this is what you’re going to do. It translates thought into action, idea into concept into reality. It’s the Director, streamlining things, going into crisis management when you make a major mistake or fail to do something, or have something due, or or or. Granted, executive functions aren’t the be all end all of human success, but they are to you as a foundation is to a building.

Scary to think what would happen if it just

stopped.

You could think all you want, of course. You need to do this. You want to do that. You scream and rail and fight against a prison of your own unresponsive limbs.

There’s nothing physically wrong with your limbs. They are in perfect working order. Or at least as working as they had been before. There’s no reason for you to feel like this. You feel like your brain is setting itself on fire in its attempts to send it messages to get a response any kind of fucking response. You feel hopeless. You gain no mental traction. You gain nothing but your own hatred and frustration and gain the same of others too.

Because they think you’re faking it. That you just don’t want to do it hard enough. That you just need to apply yourself.

The thing is, you’ve been trying. Your mind is a car in a swamp, uselessly running its wheels to no avail, sinking deeper and deeper into the muck. You are straining as hard as you possibly can. There’s no more gas in the tank. You have nothing left to give.

And you have nothing to show for it.

In this hell, you’ve accomplished nothing. You’ve succeeded at nothing. Nothing you do, nothing you say, and nothing you want can ever happen in this moment.

You almost feel like dying. But you can’t. You can’t, not because of will to live, not because of hope, and not because of love, but because you cannot get your limbs to remember what motion is, your brain to remember the past, and your heart to remember restraint. Frustration, anger, hatred, all of the ugliest emotions the soul has to offer spill over. You feel like you can never be happy again. That you’ve never felt happy before. That this awful feeling crawling into the crevices of your lungs and trachea and curling its way around your stomach and spleen is what you will feel like for the rest of your life.

And then you forget. You forget everything that got you to that point. the wave recedes. you feel nothing. you remember only blurs of what occurred at best. only to experience the same fucking thing again, and again, and again and its always as raw and drowning as the first time you felt it, you never grow used to it, and it will never stop, it will never cease, and no one believes you when you say you are trying. You are a soul inside a vessel that doesn’t want to be yours.

anyways! while this may seem like an extreme, the last few paragraphs are a pretty solid descriptor of how living with executive dysfunction feels like! this is also a solid reason why people with ADHD are more likely to have anxiety and depression! the same thing is characteristic of people with disorders that have executive dysfunction as a symptom!

so TL;DR: Executive Dysfunction is not the same as laziness; it is a fundamental difference in the brain structure and wiring or a deficiency in neurotransmitter production.

speaking of that, moving onto the physiological side of executive dysfunction! Yes! There’s actually a physiological side to ADHD! Pretty sure that’s a characteristic of all brain disorders illnesses and the like but people still say its fake! :D

ok i’m getting tired so heres the rundown:

lower catecholamine levels: catecholamine is a class of neurotransmitter that includes fun stuff like

Dopamine: the motivation sauce

Seratonin: Happy Happy Happy

Adrenaline: you put this in epipens. fight or flight

Noradrenaline: also fight or flight. includes attention as well. at higher levels, anxiety. Thanks, God.

Its bad. bc the body’s natural reward system (dopamine) isn’t at normal levels, the nice little feel good kick after you make your bed or brush your teeth?? nope!!!!!!! Thus there is little internal motivation to do anything. WOW!!! How did adhd get passed down in the gene pool???? is it recessive?? bc im rly at a loss. idk someone with a medical degree in brain science dm me abt it. I rly need to understand.

Also the frontal lobe, y’know the thing controlling judgment, morals, impulses, emotions, all of that fun stuff???? it’s usually behind in development, typically evening out mid to late twenties, but its still,,,,, not Great. Wow!!

White matter abnormalities are apparently a thing too?? White matter is the brains messaging system so when that’s messed up I’m pretty sure thats not a good thing.

anyways, i’m tired now, its been 2 hrs since i’ve started writing this and I have a metric ton of things that I needed to start but didn’t, so

TL;DR: ADHD (and by further extent, executive dysfunction)has a basis in science and has physiological stuff associated with it that (i think since MRIs aren’t being used to diagnose adhd) is just being studied recently, and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh google exists use it b4 getting into arguments abt the existence of disorders and such. plz. im begging you.

#actuallyadhd #executive functioning #executive dysfunction #adhd #ramadan says things

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perfectpickles · 7 years

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a long yikes

im used to putting my complaints on tumblr bc i only have like 2 followers so its just a rant space for me so there’s no need to read this

everything sucks some serious ass right now like what i’m like lowkey highkey depressed and ???

-i currently have the worst grades i’ve ever had before in my whole ass life like i literally have a d in english because i... forgot?? to do an assignment i literally forgot it existed and i was absent a bunch and i checked my grades a couple days ago and saw the zero for a 30pt assignment and just holy shit omfg. i’m planning to do it tonight and bring it to my teacher tomorrow but he’s like my worst most douche-y teacher atm and he really doesn’t like me i think im gonna write a mini speech and admit i have no real excuse and just turn it in and hope for the best at least so he knows im not blowing off the assignment

-i need/want straight semester As so i need at least Bs this quarter in everything but just omfg so many Ls i’ve screwed up so much lately i really don’t need english to be biting me like this i’ve always been an a student in english

-i used to be a straight a student but if i can’t pull my shit together effective immediately all i’m gonna be showing colleges is a sudden downward trend

-i used to be really really popular but one of my best friends cut me off like a month ago. she said its bc im too negative but i kinda call bs because i didnt talk any more shit or complain any more than the rest of our friend group so i dont really know what’s going on there but one of my other best friends has basically drifted away from us to senior friends so i’m left with one of my besties but i used to have this whole clique and we were so close. it hurts because i feel so alone. there are only two friends of mine who i really trust atm except for some who are in college and far away so i kinda just drift through the day feeling lonely and like a loser because everyone hates me. i don’t know what i’ve done exactly but i used to have so many friends and now i have two and i have no classes with one and only one with the other and he’s a senior so when he graduates im left with basically nothing. i want my besties back but i dont think thats ever gonna happen at least not with the one who cut me off. i’m scheming to get them back but a huge part of me wants to give up because i don’t have the energy for much lately and another part of me thinks it’s over for good. i can hear people gossiping about me all the time and i know so many people hate me and it just sucks because i don’t know what i’ve done wrong. and if it’s that i’m too negative i’ve actually changed a lot in that regard lately but no one cares or has paid any attention because i’m almost completely alone.

-i’ve taken on too many activities and i know that but it’s too late to pull out of anything and i need all of them. but i’m so busy and i am really having trouble balancing

-my dad’s been staying with us for just a couple weeks even though my mom’s gonna file for divorce soon its just really annoying because he keeps trying to bond with me but like dude you’re a huge asshole and you keep proving that every time your facade slips and also you almost killed me and my family only a few months ago?? why can’t he understand how little i want to spend time with him?

-i’m currently pulling an all nighter because i procrastinate too much and i’m so behind in like every class and it is unfortunate because i’m already tired and it’s only 1

-my boyfriend of eight months and i broke up last week and it’s definitely for the best like we sucked at long distance and it was a mutual decision but i realized that because everyone hates me and i’m too exhausted and depressed to put any effort into my physical appearance and health i’m basically gonna be celibate until i graduate and that is really gonna suck because since im not getting invited to any parties lately i have no chance at hooking up with anyone and the physicality of all that was a big destressor for me

-not only am i too depressed to get anything done, i keep falling asleep randomly and accidentally and im not showering nearly as much as i should be and i need to do laundry but keep forgetting so basically all my personal hygiene is shit. i’ve been biting my nails out of anxiety again for the first time since seventh grade and i hate that because i loved my long nails. everything is unkempt and i feel gross and im just too sad and lethargic to take care of myself which is not great

-i tried to talk to my school counselor about this and now she thinks im a basket case and wants to see me weekly bc im one of those troubled family kids that make school counselors feel like they accomplish anything other than scheduling but i don’t trust her anymore and i kinda hate going

-mads drama has erupted and i would say it’s really not my fault at all for once but everyone hates me like the choral director hates me and some of the kids have been talking shit about me with her which sucks but i feel popular in that class like several people have been backing me up but my trust issues are hugely erupting at this point and i don’t trust any of my mads friends and im constantly on edge and anxious and uncomfortable in that class like i used to love arrogantly feeling like one of the best but people are jealous and are really fucking things over for me bc of it and that just really really sucks

-i gained back the 10-15 lb i lost because i’ve been eating my feelings hardcore

-i don’t know what to do to fix my grades they’re just getting worse and worse as i get more and more behind and it’s unfortunate

-in the past i’ve always had friends to turn to. things have been bad or messy but i’ve never felt lonely like this before. im too extroverted to drift through my days the way i do in a haze of nausea anxiety paranoia and exclusion. it’s driving me insane but also just generally making me sadder and quieter and a shell of myself as the days pass.

#me #personal #rant #this has been the worst semester of my life

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fuck-customers · 7 years

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Im kind of scared and mostly angry at myself. We are currently understaffed where I work. We cant really take sick days and schedule isnt at all flexible since the only other retail person that isnt working fulltime is doing so because shes going to school. Im not upset at her for doing what she wants in her life-Im happy about that. Im just upset it leaves me having NO choice but to work the same schedule every week even if I'm too sick to come in. Our boss is pretty great about not having anyone work alone-but its to the point were if youre sick and no one can cover you all that can be done is giving you a shorter shift (until a closer comes in or right as the openers are leaving depending). We are also a small place-i work at the second location which has only been open roughly 7 months (Sept. 23) while the first location has been open 16 years. #1 is painfully busy right now, while at #2 despite being understaffed it's painfully slow. Normally some #1 people would be able to cover-but like I said. Painfully busy. My shifts have also lately been three days of 9 hours then one 7 hour shift and a 6 hour shift. Not bad, until you know I'm pre everything trans and have to wear a binder to even come close to passing. This is why I'm angry at myself. I havent even tired to build up the courage to ask for shifts that do not go longer than 8 hours. Despite the fact that my phyiscal well being requires it. I know I need to do this (im waking up with sore ribs despite never sleeping in my binder) but Im just. So nervous about having that conversation. Its one im terrified to ask even though im sure my boss/manager would be understanding even if i didnt explain why its such a big deal. My ribs, having trouble sleeping, and forgetting my meds for social anxiety have really put me on edge. I even forgot to do major things a couple nights ago because I was so tired in every sense of the word. Im pretty lucky though that I live in a small town (people are only now realizing we exist) and because of that everyone tends to be really nice. Or maybe its because we're in canada? Who knows. Ive only had one really rude customer-I was clearly helping somone, and this guy. This grown man who was NOT in the store when I first started helping who I was helping got mad I didnt drop everything for him. There was also several other people who had been in the store longer than him. I finished helping who I was helping and instead of going to the people who had been waiting much longer i go to now help the guy who just showed up. He had been standing there, looking patient and annoyed if not somewhat understanding that hey. You were not here first. However as soon as to start ringing him up he just says that he doesnt want to buy anything anymore. Despite standing there. As if he was still going to buy something. Apparently not helping somone who's barely been waiting a minute when youre already checking somone else out is a terrible offense. Also-for the record we have products behind the counter on display. These items which make up most of our stock can only be retrieved from behind the counter. Because of this we rarely have actual lines in my store, since often times someone will just be standing near what they want. Instead of going over to the register and saying what they want.

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wannaonestars · 7 years

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boyfriend! im youngmin

reposted bc someone told me this wasn’t showing up on the search engine?? hopefully there's not a problem now

ah yes the cutest alpaca boyfriend

youngmin’s birthday is dec 25. jesus was also supposedly born on that day. coincidENCE???????????? i think nOT

has like…the softest hair and you always wanna touch it

he lets you rest your chin on top of his head BF GOALS

when you do that and also wrap your arms loosely around him he gets like 90000 times softer

hair always smells nice and fresh :^)

has this habit of humming whenever he’s happy

so he’s always humming to something before a date and donghyun’s like god your feelings are so obvious

before you guys got together donghyun was like if u keep humming every time they say hi they’re gonna figure out the pattern dummy

youngmin is that boyfriend who always texts you where he’s at and things like “be careful” and “take care of yourself”

doesn’t call you overly sweet pet names (actually he barely calls you any) but when he does call you “jagiya” your heart feels so FULL bc…you know he wouldn’t use affectionate names like that unless he feels rly close to you

you feel so safe around him bc he has this like??? super reliable and dependent feel… it’s subtle tho he always makes sure that you’re not anywhere that’s dangerous

he holds you closer when y'all are boarding busy trains or crowded areas

wants you to hold his hand while crossing the street like

him: ok hold my hand

you: I’M OLD ENOUGH TO WALK ON MY O W N

IT’S SO DUMB but also cute bc he’d make this little pout when u dont wanna hold his cute ass hand

a very patient boyfriend??? almost never gets mad at like aNYthing and always says that he understands BF GOALS X2

once you were late to a date by like half an hour and when you got there you were like about to get on ur knees and beg for forgiveness but youngmin just laughed and said it’s fine and things happen like the god he actually is

you: what if i was late bc i was spending time w my other boyfriend

youngmin:

you: IM KIDDING I LOVE U AND ONLY U DONT MAKE THAT FACE IT BREAKS MY HEART

can probably do all the household chores and your taxes without any problems or complaints

youngmin rly serves the best bf looks with that flannel of his

all real youngmin stans know what i’m talking abt

which should be all 7 billion ppl on this planet

one time you made that bf material joke w him like “hey youngmin u know what ur flannel is made of?? bOYFRIEND material ;)))))))” and he got sO SH Y

like embarrassed smile and red cheeks and looking down at the ground kind of soft yall get

likes to lay his head on your lap when he’s tired

he doesn’t say this but he loves it when you lean down and peck his cheek

the bnm boys made him make your face his homescreen and he had to stop because every time he turned his phone on and saw your face he got shy and instantly forgot what he was trying to do

lets you borrow his clothes but it’s…so overwhelming for him to see you wear his sweatshirts and flannels

is naturally cute like???? he has sweater paws which is so CUTE

youngmin: i’m from busan so i’m not rly cute

also youngmin: smiles. laughs. does tt’s “neomuhae”. exists.

tries to be lowkey abt your relationship but 1) everyone can see how wide his smile gets whenever you’re mentioned and 2) donghyun

shit donghyun says: I smell their deodorant on u. is that a new ring? ENGAGEMENT RING AL R E A D Y??????? youngmin that was faster than our debut

when it’s too cold to hold hands he does this lil thing where he grabs your hand and puts it in his coat pocket bc it’s warmer in there

your family adores him and demands his presence to be in your house and when you tell him that he gets so smiley and embarrassed

“does this mean it’s okay for me to be your boyfriend?” DEAR SWEET JESUS AND GODS OF THE HEAVENS D U H

when cuddling he’s like a koala

kisses you when you’re not looking and when you turn to him he’s like “what?”

“im youngmin there’s literally no one else here to do that”

kisses are usually quick pecks but when it’s kinda in the moment it’s kinda…like….just imagine you two are lying on the couch together like you’re just laying on top of him with his arm around you and…he kinda just uses his free hand to move your face towards his and just……..slowly plants a kiss on your lips that feels hotter than the sun itself

in conclusion im youngmin serves both the best boyfriend looks and boyfriend skills BADUM TSSSSS

#im youngmin #im youngmin scenarios #im youngmin imagines #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #pd101 #produce 101 youngmin #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 imagines #lim youngmin #lim youngmin imagines #lim youngmin scenarios #mxm #mxm scenarios #mxm youngmin

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parkjmini · 7 years

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Reminisce | 4

Park Jimin “I found myself falling more in love with you as I grew older.” You and Jimin were childhood best friends until you had to move away. As years passed and you both aged, the separation between your friendship deepen and you never heard from him again. More than a decade passed and you suddenly stumble upon the man who you never stopped thinking about. Word Count: 3,314 Italics = flashback (Y/F/N) = Your Full Name

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | the end

thank you to everyone who reads my horrible writing )): im really sorry i haven’t been updating, my life has just been so hectic !! pls give me feedback bc im always looking to improve ((: this is NOT the last chapter !!

“Dad!” You yelled as the familiar man stepped out of his car. He looked tired, eyes heavy with dark circles that rimmed the bottom. His face sagged and his posture was bent. However, the sound of your voice instantly lit his sulky face.

“My dear!” He whispered as you quickly jumped onto him for a hug, like a small child would do. He laughed, hoarse and deep. He had grown older and weak, so he stumbled back to maintain his balance.

“Dad, I missed you!” You squealed, giddy and eager to see your parent after several years.

“Honey, when did you get back?” He set you down and tried to take in your grown face.

You went on to explain how you were to be in town for the next couple of days. “Did you not hear my voicemail?”

He lightly knocked his knuckles against his temples and groaned, “I forgot to check my machine these past couple of days. I’m sorry, my love. Where are you staying?”

“Dad, have you been well lately? I slept at Jimin’s apartment last night.” Your father looked behind your shoulder to see the cool Jimin leaning against his door frame, observing the daughter-father reunion.

He smiled lightly, “I’ve been a little tired recently. You are staying for dinner tonight, right?”

“Yes. I was planning on staying here now that you know I’m back—”

“–No, no, my dear. Your room is no longer here. I don’t have your bed anymore. You should go and stay with Jimin.” Your dad began walking towards your home. Confused, you followed after him.

“The last time I visited was six years ago and you got rid of my bed?” You were slightly offended that he gave away your bed, let alone demolished your entire childhood room.

“You were here six years ago?” Jimin suddenly appeared out of no where. You jumped at the sound of his voice and nodded. “Why didn’t you come say hi? Why didn’t you come and see me?”

Groaning, you were reminded by the painful memories of your shattering friendship. “Because we weren’t really.. friends.. anymore.. at that time.” A sugar coated explanation was all you could give, along with a sympathetic frown.

Jimin was taken aback and didn’t move from the doorway of your house. He was absolutely clueless. “What are you talking about?”

“Nevermind. You don’t remember because it didn’t hurt you as much as it had hurt me.” You answered passive aggressively and tried to find your father in the big house.

“(Y/N), wait.” Jimin caught on to your wrist before you fled off. “Talk to me.”

“Jimin.. we can talk and talk, but you’d never understand how much I was hurting when I grew up without you.” Knowing that you were hurt would only hurt Jimin. Knowing that your pain was because of him made it even worse. Jimin never wanted to be the reason behind your painful sorrows. He merely wanted to be your happiness.

“I wanted to be there for you.” Jimin began to defend himself.

“But you weren’t, that was the thing.” You didn’t know where the sudden fuel of anger and sadness came from. Maybe he wasn’t allow to feel upset that you didn’t bother to see him when you came to visit in the past.

“Why don’t you go see Jimin?” Your dad asked as you laid underneath your soft, cotton covers.

You viciously shook your head, so hard that he was afraid your head would fall off. “I don’t want to see him.”

“Why not, honey?” Your dad tried to be as comforting as your mother. The bed shifted due to his weight and his warm hand rested on your shoulder.

“Because we aren’t friends anymore.”

“His graduation is today.”

Cuddling closer against your window sill, you buried your head deeper into the mattress. “I don’t care.” Your dad hated those words and he decided that there was no point in pushing you anymore. He lacked persistence, contrasting your mom, who didn’t take no for an answer.

“Can you believe it? We’re graduating in a few hours.” A young girl’s voice traveled through your open window, into your room.

“Yeah. It’s crazy.” Jimin’s voice made you still in your blankets. The fact that he lived in the same neighborhood made it harder to ignore his existence. He was obviously walking past your house to get to his own.

“I’m going to miss you.” She said sadly. Jimin exhaled and there was a silence. You thought they had left and escaped into his house, so you peeked out your blinds. There he stood at the corner of your driveway, with a girl in front of him.

“Me too.” He had hesitated before saying it. You ducked quickly before either one of them saw. The obnoxious rattling noise of the blinds caught her attention.

“Did you hear that?” The girl asked. “I think it came from this house, that window.”

“This house? No. I know who lives here and no one lives in that room.” You heart was pounding so loud, you heard it in your ears.

“How do you know?”

“They’re a family friend of mine and I’ve been in that house.”

“For what?”

“Are you done asking me all these useless questions?” Their footsteps picked up again.

“Jimin, you’re hiding something. I can tell.” Her voice faded and Jimin’s response was no longer audible.

“Jimin, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” You trailed and looked behind you to see if your dad was still in sight.

Jimin shook his head, unable to let go of the topic, “we’ll talk later tonight, when we go back to my place. I mean, you still need a place to stay and I’m more than happy to offer my place.”

You sat across from your father at your old dinner table. The once small square table use to have three filled chairs. Now, it seemed too big for only two people, let alone one. Your dad’s cooking tasted exactly the same and reminded you immensely of your childhood.

Your house was practically empty since you and your mom moved out. It was also more dark and disheartening. Your dad completely let go after the divorce, but not enough where he was living in the streets. He also never remarried or had many friends.

You cleared your throat as you both ate in uncomfortable silence. “Why did you clear out my room?”

“I thought that you wouldn’t really need your childhood room anymore. It was too childish for a young woman like you are now.�� He sipped his soup nonchalantly.

“I am barely a young woman right now. I’ll always be your little girl, Dad.” You sighed and he smiled lightly.

“I know, my dear. However, you’re getting older now. You have a boyfriend and..”

“Boyfriend? Dad, I don’t have a boyfriend. Where did you get an impression that I had a boyfriend.” You were taken back at how your father thought you were with someone. You never mentioned anything about your dating life.

Your father stared back at you and raised his brow. His head tilted in confusion and he blinked back at you, not understanding what you meant. “Honey, what are you saying? I thought Jimin was your boyfriend.”

“What?!” You stood up quickly. Shaking your head, you ignored any way your dad was trying to calm you down.

“I mean who else would have given you that mark on your neck–”

“Dad!” You had totally forgotten about the small mark Jimin left on your neck from this morning. You didn’t even remember which side it was on and proceeded to cover your entire neck. “We’re only friends, you know that!”

“Well, you staying over at his place and then showing up together. He practically chased you down. Now, you have this purple mark—”

“Dad! Seriously, it’s not what you think!” Your face turning a humiliating shade of red. Your father laughed and continued with his meal.

“Then I suppose you fell and hit your neck on something to get that bruise?” He was being sarcastic. That was the thing with your father — always witty and sarcastic.

You sighed and remained silent. Anything else you would’ve said to defend yourself would have been used against you. You were already upset from the earlier conversation with Jimin, and now your own dad thinks you two are together. You didn’t want to go back to Jimin’s place so soon. He would’ve wanted to talk about the loss time, but talking about a time without him made you incredibly heartbroken.

You texted Pilot Kim underneath the table. He responded almost immediately. You were going to take his offer for drinks to get your mind off of Jimin.

“Dad, I’m going out with someone.” You helped him put away the dishes after dinner. He peered over at you, an eyebrow raised. “No, not with Jimin. I’m going out with a coworker of mine. She wants someone to explore the city with and who else knows it best besides me?” You lied.

“Alright honey. You two girls be safe. I’m heading to bed anyways. I’ve got the early shift tomorrow morning.” He smiled and hugged you close. “I’m always thinking of you, dear.”

“I’m thinking of you too, Dad.” You returned a small smile before heading out to meet Pilot Kim.

He pulled up in a sleek black rental car. The headlights were blinding white as he pulled up to your sidewalk. You entered the car and the new car smell hit you unexpectedly. “Hello Pilot—”

“—Taehyung. (Y/N), just call me Taehyung.” He cut you off and ended his sentence with a grin. He wasn’t in uniform, so you felt strange seeing him in casual clothing. He looked ravishing. His patterned button up wasn’t buttoned all the way, his dress pants fit his long legs well. He was expensive.

“This is a uh– a fancy car.” You gulped. You were trying to make small talk, anything to fill the empty air.

He smirked and leaned back coolly. “Only the best for you.”

You turned to face him, confused. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “So how was your day?” Taehyung changed the subject rather quickly.

You sighed, remembering all the events of the long day. “It was good. I haven’t seen my dad for a long time, so having dinner with him was really nice. What about yours?”

“Ah… I stayed indoors practically day, besides going out to eat. I had breakfast with Jen, lunch with Gabriella, and dinner with Kimberly.”

“And now you’re getting drinks with me.” You laugh uncomfortably. You really meant for it to be a joke, but you couldn’t help the way it flew out of your mouth.

Taehyung was very popular among the female crew members and pilots. He was a young, probably a year or two older than you, and handsome. Taehyung had a smaller frame, but his height made up for it. He was a fresh face that everyone wanted their hands on. Also, he was single.

You two have never really spoken much, considering you switch coworkers almost every flight. However, you’ve crossed paths enough to have minimal conversation. The talk surrounding him helped with building his character. He was funny, or so people said. He had great morals and a real down to earth guy.

Even though Taehyung was everyone’s dream, you didn’t understand the hype. He was undeniably gorgeous, a work of art, but there was something missing. He didn’t have his own ambitions. Taehyung wasn’t passionate about anything really. He reminded you of a lost boy who has yet to find himself.

“(Y/N), you were the first person all day that I invited out first. The others offered to take me out and I just went along with it.” Taehyung explained.

You shook you head. “You don’t need to explain. We’re not dating or anything. You don’t have to tell me excuses.” The car came to a stop and the neon lights of the club caught your attention.

It was a small bar and it wasn’t a busy night. Taehyung and you sat at a table. You were never big on drinking, so you had no clue what to get. You merely followed along to what your colleague got.

“You don’t drink much, do you?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t. I don’t enjoy the taste of alcohol.” Your eyes couldn’t stop scanning the room, you didn’t want to make eye contact with him. Playing with your fingers, you two sat in stiff silence.

“Then why did you agree to meet with me?” He was asking difficult questions now.

You shrugged and sipped your bitter drink, “maybe because I wanted a friend.”

Taehyung sighed and leaned forward. There was a live band playing quiet jazz music. The beat was soft, something to sway to. “When will you realize you mean more than a friend to me?”

“Excuse me?” You weren’t sure if you’d heard him correctly. Right on cue, your phone buzzed with a text message from Jimin. He was wondering where you were at such a late hour. It didn’t occur to you to warn him that you didn’t need a ride back to his place.

Taehyung placed his hand on top of yours. Your head was ducked down at the device on your lap. “I like you, (Y/N). I want to spend more time with you.”

“I think you’re super cool.” Your eyebrows wrinkled together. Your table partner was scribbling compliments all over your notebook.

“You guys are so cute! Why don’t you just date each other already?” A girl across from you stated.

At your new school, people were nice. It was nothing like how it was back before you moved. You made a lot of new friends who loved your big hair and didn’t take advantage of your big heart. You were a little more outgoing than before. Eleven was a big transition in a child’s life. You were slowly becoming a preteen.

“We should. I mean I do like you, (Y/N).” The boy smiled boldly. Your friends squealed next to you and started slapping your shoulder to edge you to respond.

You were still very sensitive from Jimin abandoning you. A huge part of you didn’t want to let go of your childhood best friend. Your mind was telling you to lie to your table mate that you felt the same. Your heart, however, told you to stay true to who you felt for.

“I like you too.. but not in that way. We’re great friends. I’d like for us to stay that way.” You smiled halfheartedly.

Everyone paused at your reaction. You rejected him. It was a good thing he was an amazing sport about. “No problem. I still think you’re cool. I’ll have to like you from afar then.”

You chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. It was sad, honestly. You couldn’t ever like another guy because of Jimin. Jimin ruined every chance of a relationship for you. No one was ever going to be like him or live up to his standards. It needed to be him or no one. That was how you felt. And you felt that way for almost your whole life.

“Pilot Kim.” You addressed him formally again. You needed to be firm with him. Drawing your hand back, you stared him in the eye. “I feel it’s best if we were friends. If we were to be with each other, it would be inappropriate. You are my senior and I respect you. I think we shouldn’t cross that boundary. You’re a fine young man and you’ll find someone else.”

“Let me guess, you have a boyfriend already.” He sipped his drink and fell back into his seat. “He also just texted you, right? He was the guy you were with today, the voice I overheard on the phone.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s only a friend. My— our — job makes it difficult for us to date, you know that.” You sounded more nervous than you intended.

Taehyung nodded and asked for the bill. “Maybe you should text him back.”

You replied to Jimin with a quick, vague message. He demanded for you to come back to his apartment. You rolled your eyes at the messages he was sending and muted your phone for the rest of the night.

As you were getting out of Taehyung’s car, his hand gently grabbed onto your forearm. You shifted around and he had a disappointed, but hopeful smile. “I know you said that you want to stay friends. I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m sorry if I made you feel uneasy or—”

“—Pilot Kim, it’s okay.” You patted his hand and he nodded, letting you go. Entering the elevator, you punched in the floor of Jimin’s apartment. Anticipation bubbled up your stomach. You’ve been mainly avoiding Jimin your entire night.

There was still a chance he was asleep. You prayed that he was in bed, so you didn’t have to speak or explain yourself. Opening the door, it was revealed an angry Jimin leaning against his dining table. The lights were a fluorescent yellow and the apartment was quiet, except from Jimin’s heavy breathing.

“Don’t.” You said as you took off your shoes and shut the door.

Jimin crossed his arms and got off his table. “My room. Now.”

You groaned and followed him to his neat, dark bedroom. As you closed the door, Jimin was pressed closely against you. You scanned his face for any clue of it being a mistake. Any sign of embarrassment.

He tilted his head and it was the scene from earlier all over again. His sweet, soft lips roughly pressed up against yours. His hands held onto your face and lifted your head off his door. Before you had the chance to kiss him back, he pulled away aggressively, leaving you in complete shock.

“You reek of alcohol.” He rolled his eyes and stood before you again, bold and towering. “Where were you and why weren’t you answering my messages?”

“Who are you? My boyfriend?” Crossing your arms, you traced steps around the heated man.

“Answer my questions.”

“Fine. You want to know so badly, here it goes. I went out to get drinks with my coworker to avoid coming back to you.” You exploded at him, unsure where the sudden burst of rage came from.

He exhaled sharply and said in a low voice, “now was that so hard to say?”

“Don’t tempt me, Park Jimin.” You spat back, your words laced with venom.

“Why were you avoiding me?” He soften up. Lending out his hands, they touched your gracefully. Automatically, you unwind in his grip.

“Because I didn’t want to talk about the past. I didn’t want you to interrogate me about why I didn’t visit you when I came back. I don’t want to relive the pain of losing my best friend.. no, more… you were more than my best friend.” You were crying now. Tears spilling onto the floor. Jimin encapsulating you in his arms.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry.” You pushed him away the instant you heard that nickname.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You sniffed.

“Why not?” He looked down at you with confusion.

“Because you’re not my boyfriend, Jimin! What don’t you understand?” You screamed and cried harder.

Jimin was back, holding you with such care. “What if I want to be?”

“You don’t want that..” Your voice trailed, afraid of his next answer.

“Like you know what I want, babygirl.” Peering up, he had a delicate smile on his handsome face. “I want to be with you.”

You sucked in your breath. Standing there, you contemplated whether you were drunk and imagining all of this. It was all too good to be true.

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multigaydom · 7 years

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50 Questions

tagged by: @so-tired-yet-so-alive Thanks Jess! :)

rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions

1. coke or pepsi? I don’t really give a damn but I would usually grab a coke

2. disney or dreamworks? disney i guess

3. coffee or tea? tea but I like coffee almost equaly

4. books or movies? reading all the way. I love movies but I tend to only watch Marvel ones, but this year I’ve gone to the cinema more and it’s been fantastic

5. windows or mac? umm.... linux? I grew up with windows tho so i guess i’d choose that simply because i still remember how to operate it. i’ve never touched a mac in my life

6. dc or marvel? Marvel, obviously

7. xbox or playstation? i’m not a gamer and I’ve only held PS once. it was fun tho

8. dragon age or mass effect? dragon age only bc a friend loves it, i havent played

9. night owl or early riser? i’m both, weirdly. not in the same day.

10. cards or chess? cards, I don’t play chess

11. chocolate or vanilla? i don’t like chocolate things

12. vans or converse? vans, not that i own any but i like the shape better

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar? i... don’t know

14. fluff or angst? i like a good drama that resolves into cute stuff

15. beach or forest? forest, although beaches are amazing, i don’t really live near one (as in the nearest is about 1000km)

16. dogs or cats? dogs

17. clear skies or rain? well, that depends. I absolutely love a clear sky for walking and stuff but I enjoy rain as well when it’s warm and i can run through it, or when I’m cozy inside with a candle.

18. cooking or eating out? cooking!

19. spicy food or mild food? mild, I don’t really fancy spicy food

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? christmas

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? I already am a little too hot for a human being

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be? either healing or teleportation (in any way)

23. animation or live action? i love anime, i feel like when you’re animating you’re much more free in what you want to do (mostly with supernatural fights etc), but live action movies are more relatable

24. paragon or renegade? i have an idea what a paragon is but im not sure i follow the question

25. baths or showers? shower. I enjoy baths but I’m not too used to them and I can’t breathe properly in there

26. team cap or team ironman? team cap

27. fantasy or sci-fi? fantasy for sure

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they? oh you are on!

"Aime moi mon, mais aime moi longtemps." - Les Chansons d'Amour (Love me less but love me longer)

"Quinque lineae sunt amoris - scilient visus, allocutio, tactus, occulum sive sauvium, coitus." - Aelio Donato (There are five levels of love - look, speech, touch, kiss and intercourse.)

"Člověk roste bolestí. A tak se může stát, že se jednoho dne dontkne hvězd." - Alice OReally (A person grows by their pain and so it is rather possible for one to reach the stars one day.)

"K lidskému bytí neodmyslitelně patří i události, o kterých mravokárci obvykle nemluví jako o "správných". - Lord Roderik Galant (To a human being undoubtedly belong events that the moralists don’t necessarily describe as “good”.)

"It's one thing to say 'Be in a relationship with me' and quite another to say 'Give up sex to be in a relationship with me'." - some fanfic on AO3, I forgot, I'm sorry

29. youtube or netflix? youtube, simply because I don’t have netflix

30. harry potter or percy jackson? i don’t necessarily like either but harry potter seems like a much more advanced thing

31. when do you feel accomplished? when i’ve done the thing that i’ve been dreading

32. star wars or star trek? star wars

33. paperback or hardback books? hardback

34. horror or rom-com? i don’t like either

35. tv shows or movies? tv shows because i feel like they cover much more plot-wise

36. favourite animal? tortoise

37. favourite genre of music? oh don’t ask

38. least favourite book? i wouldn’t read a bad book (but i do hate my share of history books i have to study)

39. favourite season? spring

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head? none thank god

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear? a t-shirt that’s big and baggy and underwear, sometimes shorts or pants instead of that

42. how many existential crises do you have on an average day? not every day

43. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? oh god i don’t know???

44. favourite theme song to a TV show? the shows don’t really have a theme song lately, do they. Friends, then, seeing as i don’t recall any other

45. harry potter movies or books? haven’t read, haven’t seen

46. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it? any kind of shipping could never equal the tumblr experience

47. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? guitar kinda alright, piano if i could only remember the notes

48. what is the worst way to die? an illness, that’s what I feared before I was cleared and I stil don’t like the idea

49. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do? i would probably listen to people’s conversations about me because i hate myslelf and my self esteem needs to get even lower

50. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be? oh dude i will so answer this question! and it’s going to be pretty weird but I would love to see my parent’s relationship before I was born. and also... i would love to see Vesuvius explode.

51. (my question) If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you? if i could live on a farm then yes, but in this society no

I tag:

@notcaycepollard @avi-iva @imaginejolls @katsudesu @black-satin-dancer @crescendohowell @fzztsimmons @leslie-knopes @princesconsuela

#i dont really have that many friends #so idk who to tag

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weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1 · 6 years

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scott and white insurance quote

"scott and white insurance quote

scott and white insurance quote

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Ok...so I'm looking at an old 73' Bug to possibly buy for college and all. Cost- of the car at least- is not a problem, as its $100, and I have $100. (Yes, it does have issues and looks horrible, but hey it runs and drives). So...that brings up insurance. There is NO way I can get in on my mom's insurance- she won't let me get a car so the only way is if I do all myself, and I'm 18 now and going to college in a few weeks, so a=Im looking at my options. I know as a male teenage driver its going to be high, but what is high? How much will good grades and all that help? Just, what would you recommend and how much could it end up costing? Thanks...""

Car insurance queries?

A good friend of mine had an accident in another friends car. It was his fault but his insurance company have said his insurance does not cover him as the vehicle he was driving is classed as a car derived van. The insurance company state that the policy only covers third party cover for other motor cars and claim a car derived van is a commercial vehicle. Even though its not used as a commerical vehicle, The vehicle in question is a Peugeot partner 600 and its v5 doc claims calls it a car derived van and it falls in the PLG class. Is this right what the insurance company are saying ?""

Car insurance in America for non citizens on holiday?

I have a few questions about car insurance in America for non citizens. I am going to the USA this summer and will be driving alot.I have car insurance on my own car and have a full license and an international driving permit.Do i have to get insurance on the car in america or will my own insurance in ireland cover it or will i have to start another policy with an american company?Will this cost alot?My insurance here is not expensive and ive never been in an accident or made any claims.Is it possible to be put on my friends insurance as a driver and if so how much would this be cheaper then buying my own insurance?Any information would be great, i am very confused on the matter.""

Life Insurance?

Can you buy life insurance on anyone? I mean could you buy life insurance on everyone in the nursing homes, then collect the reward? Or quickly buy life insurance on hospitol patients?""

scott and white insurance quote

Does one speeding ticket affect your insurance rate ?

i got my first speeding ticket , i live in Utah , and i have state farm insurance so will it affect my rate ?""

""Ran a stop sign, will my insurance increase?""

I am 20 and accidentally ran a stop sign today and got pulled over. I am in FL and the ticket is 166$. I am under my parents insurance and was using my dads car. I was planning on paying it rather than doing traffic school or trying to fight it, i'd rather just get it over with and pay the dang thing. But, my question is will it show up on there insurance that 'someone got a ticket on this day for this price and this reason and raise their insurance even if I pay it off? Reeeally don't want them to find out! Also, how to pay it?""

What will my insurance do?

So the other day a car slammed on their brakes and I hit their bumper. It was a Mercury Sable.Not sure the year right now...prob 98-02. It was a young girl and her 4 friends. They were obviously under the influence of weed. They of course did not want to call the cops. I said ok because I did not want a ticket or my ins rates to go up. We exchanged names and numbers. She called and my husband and I arranged that we would pay for half of the damages. Today she called and said her estimate was $870!! I only cracked her bumper...what should I do? Can I still file a police report? What will my insurance do if I go through them now?Thanks!!

08 lancer gts or 08 altima coupe what would be best for 17 year old and cheaper on insurance?

I want one that's fun to drive it has to be reliable I don't want to race but I do want a little speed I want whatever is cheaper on insurance and I'm stuck between these two cars what do you guys think?

Does anyone know the best/cheapest uk car insurance provider after an accident?

I have been driving for 17 years, have no points or bans etc and have 9+ years no claims bonus. For the past 4 years i have driven a 1990 honda prelude that i loved, it was broken into last year, and a few weeks ago got wrote off (insistent it was my fault grrr). My insurance has gone from 25 per month to 50 per month for moving house and now for exactly the same model of car they want to put it up to 96 per month, not because of the crash but because its a new car, even though its the same model???? This is with the green insurance company. does anyone know of a really good company that might give me similar to what I pay now? I thought the idea of protecting the no claims bonus was so that the premiums dont go through the roof??? thankyou for any help and sensible answers xx""

What's the best auto insurance for a brand new driver @ age 30?

With a 2008 Honda Civic, and why? I already called and got quotes from places byt I wabt to hear from regular everyday people...""

New health insurance question?

How long after health insurance policy starts can you go to the doctor? My insurance starts on 11/01/08 just wondering how long should I wait to go to the doctor for my yearly checkup?

How Much Would Insurance Cost For A 16 Year Old Female?

I was wondering how much insurance would be for a 16 year old female first time driver, who is driving a 2007 Range Rover.""

Do I need my own insurance to drive my mothers car?

What I would like to do it borrow my Mother's car to drive to work, which is less than 2 miles away. Do I need to have my own insurance, or will her insurance cover me if I'm driving her car?""

How much in costs would I be looking at and what car would you reccomend to get?

This is in UK and my first car. I'm getting a car at 17 but it needs to have these features: - Cheap on petrol - Cheap on insurance - Cheap to buy used like really cheap - Four doors (optional) Yeah so what would you recommended and how much would I be looking at in total costs per month including tax, insurance and petrol (excluding the price of the actual car). I will be using it around 3 hours a week.""

Why aren't employers required to provide health care insurance to their employees?

Nothing is being said about the millions of employers that do not subscribe to some kind of health care insurance for their employees, even if part of it has to come out of the employees wages. I worked for a physician and the answer was that most women have husbands that have health care at their jobs. Shouldn't this be illegal?""

Do i have to have collision insurance for a financed used car?

My coworker told me that I would have to have collision insurance if I want to financed a used or new car. Is this True? Can I just put it on liability even if the car us only 6000 and not payed off yet?

Where can i get the best deal on sr-22 insurance?

i live in pleasant hill iowa right off of des moines and i need to get the best quote on sr-22 does anyone a good insurance company?

What is the best car insurance company in Britain?

I am 17 and looking to be put on my dads insurance. The car is a 1.4 Renault Clio and the cheapest quote is 1600. How do you get them to take the price down when speaking to them on the phone? Also I have had a bike for a couple of years with my own insurance, will this make a difference? Cheers!""

""I only have a learners permit, can I get auto insurance with just a learner's permit?""

I only have a learners permit, can I get auto insurance with just a learner's permit?""

Car Insurance Rates: Wyoming vs Nevada?

Car insurance for teens. Do I NEED to be listed on my parents policy?

My parents have triple A auto insurance and I have recently gotten my drivers license. I have tried to research the requirements for insurance by law on the California DMV website and the most concrete statement I found was some numbers that cover various damages and injuries (DMV website is not working properly so I cannot look it up). My parents insurance obviously covers the basic and more. However, my parents policy states that Any relative that has consent of the owner to use the insured vehicle is covered by this policy - These are not the exact words as I don't have the policy on me, but it is pretty damn close. In the definitions portion of the policy, it states a relative as anyone related by blood, and some other stuff. I am my parents son so I am obviously related by blood, thus their policy coverage extends on to me when they give me permission to use their vehicle. I did not find ANY California laws that required me to be on the policy. i only found information that said I only need that minimum coverage which my parents policy does provide. We did contact triple A about this and they did not give us a reasonable answer. All they said was that they WANT my parents to add me because THOSE ARE THE RULES. Seems like they just want more money in their pockets. Can someone give some advice? Thanks.""

Does AAA offer short term car insurance?

I just got my license but will be moving down to San Diego in a week to start college. My parents don't want to start me on a long term insurance plan as I won't be using their cars much so it's a waste of money. I was wondering if there is a short term insurance plan that is cheaper as it would be very convenient to drive this week instead of taking busses.

Do teens need full coverage insurance...?

..to get their license? I'm getting mine in less than two weeks and I need to know!

How will this go with my insurance??

Yesterday i was on my way to work and I was stopped waiting to turn left, there was a car in front of me stopped as well, who was turning in the same direction. Once they had turned i looked and i did not see anyone so i began to turn, in the middle of the turn i saw a car coming very quickly at me, i tried to speed up to get out of the way but i was hit on the passenger side of my car. The woman said she saw me but couldnt stop in time, and when i looked over i could see she was breaking and her car wiggled back and forth, and from experience i know that that only happens when you are going at high speeds. I am 17 and on my parents insurance, i am worried about what will happen. How will the insurance deal with this, will we have to pay for her car even though she hit me? Will her insurance cover my car? Or What will happen? I am very worried and i do not know much at all about Insurance and dealing with accidents. Also what is a deductable?""

I want to change car insurer?

i am currently with admiral insured on a 1.9 dci renault megane. i am a 19 year old male with 1 years no claims bonus, i have been looking at getting a new car which is a suzki sj 1.3 1988. The problem i have is that i have paid around 1500 upfront for a year of insurance, but now i hav efound a new car i have also found that rac insurance is cheaper, if i cancel my insurance with admiral now will i get the 1500 back, well taking into account i have used a month insurance so that 1500 will go down a bit, im just checking to see if i can do this to stop my self from losing 1500 thanks""

Insurance Quotes?

So i just started driving and my parents put my name under the title of our van because the insurance was cheaper. Well i would like to save up and get my own car, but they keep bringing up that the insurance would sky rocket. The van is a '03 Honda odyssey and the car i'm looking at is a '91 Toyota 4runner. If anybody could give me a ballpark estimate of how much the insurance will cost for one verses the other. I'm 16 and live in the zip code 80127. Dont know if any other info is needed. Thanks.""

Will a Red Light Ticket affect my insurance?

I ran a red light today (i wasn't even thinking and just ran it) there are cameras there so I'm pretty sure ill get a ticket , any who i live in McKinney, Texas and the fine they send in mail is 75 $ and since I'm 16 have to go with my parents to court so will this one ticket make my insurance go up ? is there a possibility it won't go on my record?? I have all state and am a male i make A's and B's (education discount)""

Will my car insurance go down when i turn 18?

I got my license when i turned 16. I was driving a 2001 mustang. Within 6 months i got into a car accident. Long story, but wasn't my fault so don't judge me because i'm not some stupid teen who was handed a mustang and went around speeding and wrecked. I'm not like that. I was raised way better than that. Anyway... Now i'm about to turn 18 and i'm still under my parents insurance. I was wondering if my insurance will go down when i turn 18.""

Can i drive my car with an international licence and provisional insurance?

can i buy a car in the uk and insure it on my provisional licence and drive it with my international licence so i dont need to bring another driver to sit beside me during driving. the reason i'm asking the this Q is because insurance is much cheaper on the provisional licence.

scott and white insurance quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-liability-only-christopher-anderson/"

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shewantsthev · 7 years

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1-200

Wow this is a lot but okay200: My crush’s name is: Bernie Sanders 199: I was born in: 1999? Is this what this is asking  198: I am really: gay 197: My cellphone company is: AT&T 196: My eye color is: green  195: My shoe size is: 7.5  194: My ring size is: I forgot. Something small 193: My height is: 5'3" 192: I am allergic to: bullshit and republicans. Other than that, nothing  191: My 1st car was: a 2000 chevy cavalier. It was red and I loved it except it was a piece of shit  190: My 1st job was: OfficeMax  189: Last book you read: Why Does The World Exist? By some guy 188: My bed is: soft and filled with dogs and orange and great 187: My pet: I have prim, my soul mate and axel, a sweet dummy. I also have fish named Rex and Rocko and a snake named Jasper 186: My best friend: is amazing and great and I miss her 185: My favorite shampoo is: my recent favorite is the tea tree shampoo but I colored my hair recently and had to witch to shampoo safe for that  184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox but I don't play either enough to really care 183: Piggy banks are: pretty nice. This reminds me of the time my house got robbed and the police took my piggy bank for prints and promised they would give it back but never did  182: In my pockets: my wallet and chopstick  181: On my calendar: a lot. This is a busy month. But Colorado soon :) 180: Marriage is: I wouldn't know  179: Spongebob can: okay spongebob is the shit 178: My mom: isn't perfect but is great  177: The last three songs I bought were? I don't know about individual songs but the other day I got tired of the radio and bought a bunch of CDs for my car 176: Last YouTube video watched: I don't know exactly but I've been watching a lot of John Oliver videos  175: How many cousins do you have? Too may to count  174: Do you have any siblings? I have 3ish stepsiblings  173: Are your parents divorced? Yes since I was 4 172: Are you taller than your mom? I wish  171: Do you play an instrument? I kinda sorta used to but no 170: What did you do yesterday? I don't remember? I think I worked?[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: maybe a little  168: Luck: sometimes  167: Fate: no  166: Yourself: nope 165: Aliens: hell yeah 164: Heaven: no  163: Hell: no  162: God: I actually very strongly don't believe in god  161: Horoscopes: no  160: Soul mates: maybe  159: Ghosts: not entirely sure but probably not  158: Gay Marriage: fuck yeah  157: War: depends on the situation  156: Orbs: what 155: Magic: why[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: both? Depends on my mood  153: Drunk or High: high  152: Phone or Online: online  151: Red heads or Black haired: black hair  150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: winter 147: Autumn or Spring: spring!! 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla  145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: straight  142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate  140: Mac or PC: Pc 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:  Stop attach a persons value to their economic status/ wealth :) 137: Coke or Pepsi: neither  136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 😍 135: Burried or cremated: I want my body donated for organs and/or science. Although I like having just a spot so maybe just a tombstone  134: Singing or Dancing: singing  133: Coach or Chanel: ew 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: big city for sure 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target  129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I don't even care  128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure? 127: East Coast or West Coast: west coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 125: Chocolate or Flowers: bothhh 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don't sport[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: depends on the situation  121: George Bush: no  120: Gay Marriage: always 119: The presidential election: it was awful, vile, and disgusting. The results were bullshit because fuck the electoral college but also it made me lose faith in humanity  118: Abortion: it's always the persons choice what to do with their body 117: MySpace: never had one 116: Reality TV: it's stupid  115: Parents: they exist 114: Back stabbers: I think we can all agree they're trash 113: Ebay: I'm indifferent  112: Facebook: its gotten annoying lately but it's a necessary evil 111: Work: I like getting paid  110: My Neighbors: they're okay for neighbors. I feel bad that our dog barks at them all the time.  109: Gas Prices: they're high but whatever  108: Designer Clothes: you do you im too broke  107: College: it's gonna put me in debt forever but I'm excited  106: Sports: I don't understand the interest but whatever  105: My family: they're okay 104: The future: we are all gonna die [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: tidy my teacher hugged me because she was happy to see me  102: Last time you ate: I had pizza like 5 hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I saw a friend two days ago I haven't seen in a while 100: Cried in front of someone: I don't remember exactly  99: Went to a movie theater: it's been too long  98: Took a vacation: since a year ago 97: Swam in a pool: about a year ago. Well, swim isn't necessarily the word because guess who can't do that. I just chill in the water  96: Changed a diaper: gosh it's been some time. A year or more? 95: Got my nails done: a lot of years ago 94: Went to a wedding: a year ago was my moms wedding  93: Broke a bone: never  92: Got a peircing: my nose about 2 years ago  91: Broke the law: technically I am now  90: Texted: now[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: I don't laugh much 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dogs 87: The last movie I saw: some horror movie with my mom  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: leaving this town 85: The thing im not looking forward to: so much  84: People call me: I don't really have a nickname 83: The most difficult thing to do is: go through major depression  82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: I've had 2 81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus 80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom  79: First time you had a crush: technically my first was a ginger in kindergarten but my first real one was in middle school  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: prim 😂 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday! I remember that part but not who it was or what it was 76: Right now I am talking to: a group chat and 2 other people  75: What are you going to do when you grow up: not entirely sure yet but I want to be a trauma surgeon  74: I have/will get a job: yes? I'm not sure what this is asking  73: Tomorrow: I have school and class in the evening  72: Today: I was at school  71: Next Summer: hopefully I'll be doing something fun  70: Next Weekend: next weekend is surprisingly kinda free  69: I have these pets: I answered this  68: The worst sound in the world: someone saying goodbye  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself  66: People that make you happy: my friends I don't know  65: Last time I cried: earlier today  64: My friends are: great  63: My computer is: falling apart. I need a new one but still broke  62: My School: is actually garbage and I can't wait to leave  61: My Car: is much nicer that my old one  60: I lose all respect for people who: physically, sexually, or emotionally abuse people, are racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. support Trump, actually there's a lot I don't respect many people  59: The movie I cried at was: okay I used to always cry at the notebook it was horrible  58: Your hair color is: red now  57: TV shows you watch: lately shameless but all time fav is greys anatomy. Also watch a lot of criminal minds  56: Favorite web site: google.com  55: Your dream vacation: Traveling all over the world. I want to be in the south of France again  54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when my heart broke  53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well  52: My room is: pretty chill. Representative of me  51: My favorite celebrity is: Demi Lovato  50: Where would you like to be: anywhere but here  49: Do you want children: maybe possibly 48: Ever been in love: yup 47: Who’s your best friend: gabby  46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls I guess 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: drugs  44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody  43: Do you have a 5 year plan: haha I barley have a 5 minute plan  42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sort of. Just traveling  41: Have you pre-named your children: yes 40: Last person I got mad at: Ryan  39: I would like to move to: California  38: I wish I was a professional: everything [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Reese's  36: Vehicle: camaro  35: President: Obama  34: State visited: New York  33: Cellphone provider: I don't care  32: Athlete: really don't care  31: Actor: probably Leonardo DiCaprio  30: Actress: Not sure. Drew Barrymore maybe? Maybe Sandra bullock  29: Singer: Demi Lovato  28: Band: Nirvana  27: Clothing store: everything here and there  26: Grocery store: HyVee 25: TV show: Greys Anatomy 24: Movie: 21 Days  23: Website: Tumblr 22: Animal: Penguin? 21: Theme park: don't know  20: Holiday: Fourth of July, not for the patriotism but the blowing stuff up  19: Sport to watch: basketball 18: Sport to play: basketball 17: Magazine: not sure  16: Book: Impulse by Ellen Hopkins  15: Day of the week: Saturday  14: Beach: beach in saint marie de la mer 13: Concert attended: Demi Lovato  12: Thing to cook: pasta 11: Food: Italian  10: Restaurant: Olive Garden or IHOP  9: Radio station: 96.5 the buzz  8: Yankee candle scent: I like ocean scents  7: Perfume: stuff I got in France  6: Flower: who even knows  5: Color: orange  4: Talk show host: Ellen  3: Comedian: not really sure  2: Dog breed: Doberman  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes

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