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lavendersb · 4 years

Text

Provider

Din Djarin x reader

Summary: Din wants to give you the universe. Making you see stars seems like a good place to start.

Warnings: Smut, this is str8 up sin, fingering, soft!dom Din, service!dom Din, overstimulation, so much praise, i wrote this at 3am so if this is hardly literate im so sorry :)

@maybege i have you to blame for encouraging my sinful behaviour

Din doesn’t know how he survived before you.

Of coursed he coped, he hadn’t become the best bounty hunter in the parsec without a certain level of diligence. His structured Mandalorian upbringing had taught him the importance of being capable and organized, of always being one step ahead.

But the child had brought with him its own unique set of challenges. Din could deal with the bounty hunters and imperial forces, they where nothing new to him. The joys of parenthood however had taken some getting used to.

He was an angel most of the time. Din could spend hours with the little womp rat and not encounter the slightest hitch, but when the fancy struck him, the child could turn into a little terror of angry gargles and twitching ears. The fact that he could also throw items around the crest with his strange magic powers didn’t make these tantrums any easier for Din to handle.

That’s when you had arrived. Offering your services as caretaker and claiming to be a half -decent mechanic as well, Din had hired you almost instantly. The child was almost as taken with you as he was, and from that moment on, Din never looked back.

He learns quickly that you had been very modest about your skills. Not only where you capable of handling whatever the child threw your way, you could also help with just about any problem the crest came up with. Din also learns that you’re not bad in a fight, and on the odd occasion he invites you out on a hunt with him. You work together like a well-oiled machine, united by a common goal of protecting the child. Protecting each other.

Perhaps it was your caring and capable nature that drew Din closer to you than he ever expected he would. Regardless of what it had been, Din has never felt as happy as when he comes home to see the love of his life waiting for him with his strange little son.

This is where his mind has wondered as he trudges through the swampy mud back to his ship. The bounty was on planet thankfully, so Din never had to worry about bringing the quarry near to his safe haven. The safe haven in question, the metallic body of the razor crest, peeks out at him through the trees and Din’s feet just can’t move fast enough.

Din lowers the ramp, and as he reaches the warmly lit interior of the hull he can’t help but pause a moment in shock.

The hull when Din had left it was a state. On the previous planet you had returned to the crest just as a team of Jawas had started to tear it apart. Thankfully Din had managed to scare them off before they could cause any real damage, but a fair few interior wall panels had already been unscrewed and tossed aside. This morning Din had left the hull in that same state. Now it was as if there had never been any damage at all.

But there, in the centre of the hull is the thing that makes Din’s heart clench beneath the beskar. You’ve set a small metal container on the ground, filled it with some warm water which gently steams, and placed the little green child inside for a bath. He watches where you kneel beside the tub, grinning at the child as he holds one of your fingers in one tiny hand, and splashes the water with the other.

“Hi,” you say through a slight laugh, snapping Din out of his reverent staring “we’re almost done here”

Din walks forward, coming to stand beside you and bending to press his forehead to yours softly.

“Did you fix the ship?” he asks softly, though he knows the answer.

“Yes,” you confirm, pulling away from him reluctantly. The child, now wholly interested in the return of his father, reaches out to Din and begins to babble uncontrollably.

“We’ve had a busy day, haven’t we? But you’ve been such a good helper,” You say to the child, and Din watches you fish the wriggling child out of his bath and wrap him up in a soft towel. He notes that the task of fixing the crest must have taken almost all of the day, and having to keep the child entertained at the same time wouldn’t have made it easy for you.

“Mesh’la, have you eaten today?”

Din takes your silence as an answer and his happiness falters just a little. Of course you would prioritise your task and the child before yourself. Sometimes he wonders how you would survive without him.

“I wanted to wait” you reassure him weakly “enjoy my break when the work is done”

“I’ll take him from here, you should rest” Din says, leaving no room for argument.

He takes the child from you, now dressed in a freshly cleaned robe (another task you’ve completed that he wants to thank you for). Din sees a moment of doubt pass over your face as you try to argue with him, but the feeling of tiredness creeping into your bones wins you over. With an acknowledging smile, you kiss the child on the head and disappear towards the nearest bunk.

Din takes care of the last few jobs of the day, content in the knowledge that his love is resting nearby. He makes the jump to hyperspace first, cradling the child in his arms. The little bundle is still warm from the bath, and Din watches his big glossy eyes blink slowly at him, trying to savour the last moment seeing his Buir’s shiny helmet before he falls asleep.

Once the child is safely asleep in his cot, Din goes to fish through his bag, producing one of the fresh bread rolls and a selection of berry’s he bought before he returned. He plates them with the last of the soup that’s left, and once he’s finished his own portion and secured his helmet back in place, he calls out to you to join him.

Woozy and half asleep, Din watches fondly as you float towards the little kitchen set-up. The sleep in your eyes is replaced with excitement as you catch a glimpse of the fresh food on the table.

“Din,” you breathe “you shouldn’t have”

“It’s the least I can do for everything you’ve done today”

Din watches as you happily devour the food. He listens intently as you tell him all of the things you and the child got up to that day. How long it took to fix the panels, how the two of you played out in the muddy swamp for a while before you brought the child in for a well needed bath. This domesticity is something so new to him, but you make it feel easy. Just like you made it easy for him to fall in love with you. He would give you the galaxy, Din thinks, if only he knew where to start.

When the food is finished, Din clears the plates away but there’s a feeling deep down in his soul that he can do more for you. There’s still something else he can provide. As he sees you walk away towards the refresher, he knows he must act fast.

Din crowds you against the wall, pressing you against the panels you’ve just diligently fixed. A hand that rests at the back of your head prevents you from hurting your skull, and Din lets his fingers wind through the strands beneath them. Your eyes are wide as you stare up at his visor, surprised by his sudden movements and hopeful, Din can tell, that he might be about to pull unspeakable pleasures from you.

“Have I taken care of you? He asks quietly.

“Y-yes”

“No,” Din chastises “I haven’t. Not yet. Tell me what you need”

Your lips flutter as the words Din seeks dance around your mouth. He encourages your response by fisting your hair a little harder, not to be cruel, but to ease you into his instruction.

“You, Din” he finally hears you gasp “I need you”

Pride swells in him at your words, and he moves the hand in your hair to wrap around the small of your back and fasten on your waist, pulling you close to him whilst he presses you to the wall.

“Then you’ll have me”

Din uses his free hand to pull at the obstructing fabric that keeps him from the apex of your thighs. Softly, but without preamble his hand dips to your heat and makes a gentle swipe through your folds, groaning when he finds it warm and soft and so very wet already.

His fingers find your clit and with tiny, firm little circles he plays with it to his hearts content. Din feels you tremble and sag against him, enjoying how accepting you become to his touch.

“My sweet girl,” Din breathes, and it’s said so reverently it makes you tremble and mewl just that bit more.

“My sweet girl, you’ve worked so hard today” The movements against your clit slow and you whine in complaint. Din chuckles and shushes you “I think you deserve a reward, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you whine desperately, moving to grip the arm that reaches between your legs, hoping to encourage it to move again.

Din smiles beneath his helmet, satisfied with your compliance as he returns to your clit with vigour, plucking from you tiny gasps that draw his hungry eyes to the way your pretty chest rises and falls.

“Then cum mesh’la. Come so I can fuck your pretty cunt with my fingers”

And oh how that filthy promise pushes you off the edge. He feels you stiffen in his arms and pulls you closer to him until you feel crushed by his solid presence. You can hardly register it though, too lost in the waves of pleasure that don’t seem to ease at all. Din doesn’t stop playing with your clit until your pretty moans turn to gasps and pleas to stop.

He doesn’t remove his hand from you, simply sliding his fingers down to trace that little fluttering hole he loves so dearly. He watches your face the whole time, enjoying how slack it goes when the first finger makes a teasing press against you.

“Pretty girl you take such good care of us, but you neglect yourself” he teasingly scolds, pressing into you a little further with his finger and watching you keen at his tone.

“Would you like to be taken care of? Is that what you need?”

“Yes, Din, yes” you nod frantically, squirming in his firm grasp.

He squeezes your hip in warning, before sliding his finger deep inside you. Both of you groan at the feeling of your soft heat welcoming his finger. He starts to pump into you, his pace direct and precise, hitting against that soft spongy spot with each push. Din wanted to give you the galaxy, making you see stars seemed like a good place to start.

“I knew from the first minute I saw you that you’d be so warm and soft everywhere” Din says as you cry out for him “and I was right, wasn’t I mesh’la? Your cunt might be the warmest, softest thing in the whole galaxy”

As he adds another finger, Din swears he’s never felt more whole then when he’s breaking you apart like this. Letting you be tender and vulnerable. You break apart for him so well he muses.

“Won’t you cum for me?” he says, and stars you’ve never wanted to come so bad in all your life. Not just because you think you might explode at the way his fingers are aiming for that spot that makes you cry out in pleasure, but also because you want- no need him to know how much you love him. How grateful you are that he treats you so well.

When you do cum its electric. You reach for Din’s pauldron for support, gripping the metal as you rock against his hand. He feels you soak his palm and groans, shamelessly grinding himself against whatever part if you he can.

He doesn’t pull his fingers from you, instead he massages your walls gently watching you twitch when he rubs that special place inside you. He waits until you meet his eye through the visor, expectantly waiting for him to withdraw his fingers.

Instead he presses his thumb back against your thoroughly abused clit and holds you tighter as you give a startled jolt against him.

“Din,” you whine, and he smirks at how wrecked and helpless you sound “I can’t-“

“You can” he insists, picking up the pace of the fingers inside you “You’ll cum again because I’m telling you to. Because I’m taking care of you, right?”

You can barely nod in response, your body to busy trying to cope with the overwhelming feeling of overstimulation. Din gazes at your face, taken by the way your brows pinch and fat tears fill your waterline and weigh down your eyelashes.

The sight of you has him desperate, and he removes the hand from around your waist, using his torso to pin you to the wall so you don’t collapse. He tugs the cowl away from his neck to expose the tanned skin of his neck. You don’t need his instruction to know what to do next, and with what little energy left in your body, you lean forward to press messy, fluttering kisses to the skin over his pulse.

Din grunts, truly blissed out by the feeling of you on him doubles his assault on your sensitive heat. He barely hears your gasping warning before he feels you come utterly undone against him. Your cunt squeezes his fingers so tightly, and he makes sure to tell you that, though he’s not sure you can hear him. Your face is still pressed against his neck, breathing against him, and he swears he feels a wet tear drop against his skin.

“I love you, sweet girl” he says, pulling his fingers from you softly.

The hum that comes from your heavy, satisfied, and sleepy body tells him he’s done his job well. He lets himself feel proud. Upstairs, his child sleeps soundly in his crib. Well protected and well loved. Here, in his arms, lays his love. Soon she’ll be asleep in their shared bed, and Din will find himself wondering how he was blessed with such a wonderful and loving partner.

#sdklmwfoncamk #anyway can yall tell im h*rny #din djarin x reader #din djarin #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #my writing #smut #star wars #star wars x reader

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spookydrreid · 3 years

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I was wondering if you could write about face sitting? Like I barley read fics about it and I think it’s interesting so I wonder if you could write a little fic about that? With Spencer and then reader?

im so sorry this took so long. And if you still follow me, i love you!

Word count: 1.5k

Content warning: face riding and implied smut.

It started from the list Spencer and I made. It was a long one and it included everything either of us wanted to try in bed. There was the usual: handcuffs, bondage, blindfolds. But there were also more risky ones: exhibitionism, vibrator in public, collars, etc. And so, as we did them, we crossed them off. Anything we really enjoyed, we circled and added to a list we called the “green” list.

Tonight’s sex act was one I was quite excited about. Tonight, I was going to sit on Spencer’s beautiful face. Spencer is a man who loves control, so if he was giving me head, it was always while I was laying down. That way he could stop me from rutting against his face and use me the way he wanted to.

But not tonight. Tonight, I was in charge.

I was sat on our bed, clad in Spencer’s favorite set. It was a soft white color and covered very little. I’d sent him a nice little text, letting him know there was a little surprise for him in our room. And as I heard the front door shut, Spencer calling out my name, my heart pounded. I was nervous. It was extremely rare that I was the one in charge. And I just wanted it to be good for him too.

“Honey?” He called out as he walked closer to our shared room. His footsteps grew closer and closer until I heard the door handle to our room twist.

I got into position, sitting in the center of our bed on my knees which were slightly spread. I watched as his eyes fell on me and his breath hitched in his throat. His jaw dropped slightly and he was frozen in the doorway.

“Hi baby,” I said as I crawled off of the bed and padded my way over to him. I ran my hands up his chest before settling them around his neck, “I missed you today.”

He stared at me dumbly, his IQ slashing in half as his hands roamed my body, “I- I missed you too. Uhm, you look…” he trailed off, his words failing him.

I giggled as my lips found his jaw, leaving little kisses along it. I nipped at his lobe, tugging it between my teeth gently, “sexy, hot, beautiful, gorgeous, so glad you married me. Take your pick, sir.”

I connected my lips with his, the kiss filled with longing and lust. Spencer’s tongue begged for entrance and, once allowed, explored my mouth with ease. I rolled my hips into his, feeling just how hard he already was.

“Already hard from a little kissing? Such a needy boy.” I mocked as I pulled back, one hand palming him while the other played with his hair.

“Here’s how tonights going to work, pretty boy,” he stared, eyes wide as he waited for instruction, “I’m going to sit on this pretty little face until I cum. Three times. Got it? And after that, if you’re good, I’ll sit on your pretty cock. What do you say?”

Spencer blinked at me a few times as he digested my words. “Y-yes ma’am. W-wanna make you feel good. Please.”

I smirked at my boy. He was such a good submissive when I needed him to be, “good. Strip and lay on the bed. No touching or you’ll get nothing. Do I make myself clear?” Spence had a habit of not being able to keep his hands to himself. Always grabbing whenever he could.

“Yes ma’am. Crystal clear.” He’d said as he started pulling off his clothes, scrambling to comply with my orders.

When he was stripped to nothing but his birthday suit, he ungracefully climbed into our bed. Resting his head on our pillows, his hair splayed around him like a halo. I admired him for a moment, making him squirm under my gaze. Spencer Reid was beautiful. Lean and tall with the prettiest cock I’d ever seen. I was one lucky woman that I managed to lock him down for life.

I decided to make it a little more torturous for him. I stripped out of the set I was wearing, tossing it to the side before moving to straddle his hips. His eyes were locked on my chest. Hands gripping the sheets as he did his best to not touch me. His tongue peeked from his mouth and wet his pretty pink lips.

I ran my nails down his chest. Scratching him lightly, “like what you see, pretty boy?”

His brown orbs flickered to mine, “yes ma’am. Don’t know how I managed to trick you into marrying me but, fuck.”

I let out a loud chuckle, leaning down to kiss him softly, “it’s my honor to be married to you.”

And with that, I decided it was time to put his mouth to work. I scooted up his chest, my knees moving to each side of his head.

“Ready?” I asked as I stared down at him.

“Always, baby,” I smirked, hands gripping the headboard as I lowered my body onto him.

His tongue quickly got to work. Licking a stripe up my core before swirling around my clit. I let out a long moan. The man's mouth was heavenly, always knowing exactly what to do. He’d studied me each and every time he’s done this, taking a mental note of what made me cry out and also what would get me off the fastest. And currently, he was putting those experiments to work.

My first orgasm hit me quickly, barely giving me enough time to let the man below me know it was coming. Not that he needed a warning. Spencer knew my body way better than I did.

“Fuck, baby! I’m gonna…” I couldn’t finish my sentence as my legs shook. Spencer lapped it up without a complaint but a nice long moan. And he didn’t stop. His tongue moving to my entrance and swiftly going in and out.

“Spencer,” I cried, one of my hands fisting in his hair, “you’re mouth feels so fucking good. Such a good boy.”

He groaned at the praise. I felt him twitch as his hips bucked in a pathetic attempt for friction. I checked behind me, making sure he was keeping his hands to himself. And was pleasantly surprised to find out he was.

I ground my hips into his face, moaning and shaking as he worked.

“Use your hands, baby. Touch me.” His hands flew to me, wrapping around my thighs and pulling me down harder. His nose brushing over my clit while his tongue fucked me. My hips rolled in search of release and with one final suck on my clit, I found it.

“Oh my god, Spencer. Ah! Such a good boy for me.” I praised as I rode out the high.

I lifted myself up, needing a minute to compose myself and let the man breathe. I looked down at him, a love-sick smile on his pretty, glistening face. His eyes were hooded and his tongue poked out to lick around his lips.

“W-why’d you stop?” It was like it took him a minute to realize I’d gotten off of him slightly.

I giggled, “needed a second. You’re just too good.”

He shook his head, his arms wrapping harder around me, “no! cmere. Wanna make you feel good.”

I relented, letting him pull me back to his mouth. My pussy was still sensitive from the last two orgasms he gave me. But I didn’t care. Not when he was such an eager boy.

“God, Spencer.” I cried as he worked two fingers into me, curling them to hit just the perfect spot.

He moaned at the praise, the vibrations making all my nerves stand at attention. His fingers stroked my g-spot while his mouth sucked on my clit perfectly. I pulled tighter on his hair, bringing him impossibly closer to my core.

“Just like that, Spencer. Fuck!” I gripped the headboard tighter, my knuckles ghosting as he pushed me closer to the edge, “Gonna make me cum, honey. Don’t stop. D-don’t stop. Don’t…” I trailed off, coming the hardest I have yet.

Spencer lapped it up, his fingers slowing as he brought me down. My cunt fluttering around them as waves of pleasure ran through me. And when it was over, I scooted off of him, pulling him in for a heated kiss and tasting myself on his tongue. I didn’t miss the way he rutted into my core, his hard cock rubbing against my sensitive pussy.

I pulled back, breaking the kiss and staring into his glossy eyes, “are you ready for your reward, my love?” I carded my hands in his hair, feeling the soft curls flow through my fingers.

He perked up, nodded feverishly, “please, ma’am. Please let me fuck you!”

My stomach flipped at his request, “ruin me, pretty boy.”

#SheSpeaks #blurb #request #spencer reid x fem!reader #Spencer Reid smut #Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer Reid x you #criminal minds smut

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i8jisoo · 4 years

Text

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

changbin x reader | part three of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & angst for a lil bit woo

↬ warnings; talk of perinatal depression, cursing, n labor

↬ notes; changbin babi 🥺 ALSO ITS CHANGBIN DAY WOOO ITS MY BABYS BDAYYYYY SO I HAD TO POST THIS |

u two had just freshly started an official, public relationship

ofc changbin was freaking out while he was chilling in the bathtub behind the curtain so u could pee on the test already

u two were looking at the line coming in, praying that there would be only o n e 😳

slowly the other line comes in, dark blue n clear alongside the other one

“holy fuck—“

“what do we do?” you asked, your voice wavering while setting the test back down

his hands cupped your face, giving u a soft kiss n hugging you

“we got this, we’re having a baby, baby!” he started to joke and yall burst out laughing while crying in the bathroom

the first few months were amazing

ur lil bump sprouted out n u two were so happy about it

changbin is just so attentive and excited about this pregnancy and his first born

u really couldn’t have been better with ur lil family that was starting to become realer with each day

u two r such bullies yall r like

“what happened? ur a softie now binnie!!”

n he’d say shit like, “well at least i don’t pee every hour on the clock!!”

he makes u cry one time n u use that against him everytime u want something bc he feels guilty >:)

cute lil things like asking the baby what they want to eat or talking to it before the bed

(changbin reads the baby goodnight moon one time and ur just so in love like wow 🥺)

he secretly talks to the baby when you sleep every night because hes waiting for when ur little bean will reply back with a kick or a hand

he is W H I P P E D for u n ur baby bump

nursery is already done at five months

he needs all of the boys to come over though to help him figure out the instructions 😳 these are co nfusi ngg

they notice how smiley n giggly he is when he talks about u two and looking at the finished crib hes just so proud

yall r so happy and content with ur baby that was an accident, but u guys are so happy this happened

but something changes within u

changbin notices your lack of interest in the pregnancy during ur sixth month

ur sleeping pattern was off n u would sleep for hours during the day and night

u were very irritable, not wanting changbin to cuddle with u or kiss u like he did everytime he came back from practice :(

u were always unhappy and always so moody, he just wanted u to be happy 🥺

he is so confused and worried ab u, some days ur not eating or some days u don’t even wake up in the mornings like u used to

sometimes— just sometimes he’d come back home to find u in the same spot, asleep

he’s so fucking scared when ur around seven months that he can’t hold it in anymore

“are—are you okay?” he questions u from the doorway, making u stop to look at him in the mirror

ur eyes were cold, setting down the towel u were drying ur hair with and leaving him by himself while heading into ur bedroom

“don’t you dare fucking walk away from me.”

ur s h oo k

he was really nice during the pregnancy everyday, super bubbly and kind so u were shocked to hear his upset tone

“i can and i will, i’ll just go sleep in another fuckin room.” u mumbled, changbin grabbing ur hands and turning u around to face him

u struggle for a bit while ur arguing with him and telling him to let go so u could go to sleep

“stop! i am your boyfriend, i am the only one who is going to care for you like this. i am the only one who is dying, seeing you like this. do you understand? we’ve been through seven months of this together, it was fine for awhile and now you’re fucking turning me away?”

hes shouting at this point, hes just so pissed after three months of not having answers and your attitudes and arguments, he cannot handle it

u start crying

hes quick to hold you, pulling u down to the bed so u don’t have to stand on ur tired feet anymore

“i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 🥺🥺🥺

he insists u two will find out n u both will get thru this rough patch together

perinatal depression, they diagnosed u

changbin is so upset when he hears the doctors tell u

everything is making sense to him and he’s just so heartbroken he didn’t put two and two together earlier

he takes time off for the time being to make sure ur taking care of urself

hes watching u like a hawk but trying not to make it evident

the first time u ask him for a kiss, he gives u dozens

he hadn't been asked for kisses in so long he was so relieved 🥺

he’s constantly telling u how beautiful u r and talking to ur bump about how they have the best genes and their uncles

this man is a father already it seems

he is ur #1 face mask partner cause he buys the cute ones only because u deserve the cute ones that r ur favorite ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

cooking together is something that happens, not often but every once in awhile he will let u do small things

cut up some lettuce? sure! pour in the soup broth? of course u can! taste test his food? always.

he wants to make sure ur comfortable with him touching u or kissing u or what hes saying

“i love you.” he’s mumbling, quickly placing a kiss against the fabric of one of his own shirts that was worn by u and fit u like a dress still

he then goes up to ur cheek n presses a kiss to it, ur hand cupping his jaw and letting him kiss ur lips >.<

also u guys let out a quiet talk of pregnancy to the public, letting jyp release a notice on changbin’s absence from live-streams and posts with the boys

u two received a lot of positive feedback which changbin let u read the positive ones n loved when u smiled at each one

u were overdue by a week which was the worst, ur back hurt and u had migraines

u also were put on bed-rest for the next week before u could be inducted

u guys waited out the week and u got scheduled for an induction

the labor was really slow which sucked because u just wanted to hold ur baby already :(

rly intimate moments like chan just holding u n rocking u like a baby

u guys are given this position to move the baby down, your knees on the ground so u could kneel against the bed and changbin would hold ur hips n rock them

he just feels so bad he can’t do anything to help u with the pain 🥺

yall kinda vibing with the hospital food (idk bout yall but some food from hospitals smack chile)

“i just want to go home.” :(

u bet ur ass he scoots into ur hospital bed, holding ur hands n u just cry into his shoulder

he feels like his heart is being torn to pieces when he listens to u cry out of pain

his free hands holds your jaw, making u look up at him

“we’re almost done baby, okay? i know it hurts, if i could i would take your pain in a heartbeat. you are incredibly strong and i’m so proud of you. you just need to hang in here for a few more hours, yeah? you think you can do that?”

u give him the weakest smile ever but its better than nothing

u reach 10cm!!!

now the part that wasn’t fun was the pushing :/

u were hurting, u were tired, and u had been promised almost seven times that all u need was one more push but no matter what, it seemed like the baby wasnt budging

“the cord is wrapped around the neck, we need you to stop pushing. okay?”

ur too tired and stopping the pushing sounded good so u did as they said but when they told u they needed to actually reach in and unwrap it ur blood ran cold

u both were worried about how much u could take

u screamed, god it hurt and it felt like hours of them twisting but it was a mere minute

the labor progressed n there it was

“a girl!”

u two are like faucets or waterfalls

shes literally the perfect mixture of u both 🥺

he washed her hair n helped wrap her up in a blanket, giving her over to u for the first time

u both were just in love with her, she was absolutely perfect

he’s obsessed with her, taking in that baby scent, the scent of the light baby shampoo and the bit of baby powder that lingered throughout her onesie

her hair wooooww its so soft n fluffy

her little baby pout and her puffy cheeks

i can see him calling her bunny for awhile as a childhood nickname

he’ll just be like

“oh that’s my bunny!!”

weird look from u but ur heart melts while he bounces her in his arms n gives her some kissies and running his fingers thru her hair

he’s also rly soft, i don’t see him singing but i see him definitely whispering to her about how she’s gonna grow up and have the best life because thats his little girl

“ur gonna have eight uncles, they are crazy but it’s okay. u definitely lucked out on fathers though, i’m pretty good at lullaby's. u did get great genes too, u have a handsome daddy and a gorgeous mommy. we worked really hard on making u, please don’t hurt ur cute little face. u also have a storm coming, there’s a thing called stays, they are gonna adore you, i promise.”

omgomgomgomg jejejejeje im blushing at the thought of this i just adore dad changbin

u guys may or may not be planning for another but it definitely would happen in a few years

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jiamour · 4 years

Text

love letters

pairing: ravenclaw!renjun x hufflepuff!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 4.7k

summary: in which renjun has the phattest crush but he’s too shy to say anything despite being their tutor so his friend convinces him to write anonymous love letters to get his feelings out

alternatively: renjun’s a cutie and you hate arithmancy

a/n: i wrote this two years ago so its not great and its bullet point again, also the pronouns in this are they/them i think?? this is the softest i’ve ever written renjun im sorry he’s not a bad bitch in this

“GUESS WHAT,” you yelled as you walked into the hufflepuff common room knowing your friends would be there, “I FUCKING FAILED!”

cheers broke out

applause was given

you bowed

“thank you, thank you.”

“i told you not to take arithmancy,” your best friend jaemin’s voice spoke from one of the worn down couches, “why would you choose to do math when you’re a wizard?”

“i wanted a challenge jaemin.”

“bet you regret that type of thinking now idiot.”

“you’re a hufflepuff, you’re supposed to be nice,” you whined walking over to him and plopping by his side on the couch

“i’m just teasing hun,” he said, placing a hand on your shoulder in comfort “how bad did you do?”

“on the last assignment i got a dreadful.”

jaemin went to laugh but it caught in his throat when he saw how upset you looked

“i think she just gave me pity points for writing my name neatly”

“you were always good at that,” jaemin nodded thoughtfully and you elbowed his side with a glare

“if only there was a calligraphy class here for you” jaemin continued on completely ignoring your attack

“don’t act like i’m not beating you in every other class”

“well then don’t act like i was the one stupid enough to ‘predict the future with numbers’ what kind of shit? isn’t that was the crystal balls are for”

“you’re really bad at comforting me” you giggled at his stupid words

“then why are you laughing”

“i’m not”

you were

“i guess i’ll just have to tickle you to cheer you up then,” he said with a shrug, “i mean since there’s no other way”

“don’t you dare”

“don’t you fucking dare jaemin”

but it was too late

jaemin hands went straight to your sides

you toppled backwards in laughter squirming to get out of his tickling hold

“st- stop” you chocked out through tears and giggles

“only if you’re feeling better” he said “if i see a single trace of a frown when i stop you best be prepared”

“i’m better” you tried to say but it came out in a sputter with loud laughs in between

jaemin pulled away slowly and you caught your breath before sitting up

“never do that again”

“but yn”

“never”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“you’re smart right?” jaemin asked hand on his hip looking down at the kid sitting in front of him

“i mean i guess?” the kid awkwardly answered not completely understanding what was going on

“good then i need you to tutor my friend”

“umm what?” the boy raised his eyebrow and looked at jaemin completely lost

“my friend needs help in arithmancy, like serious, serious help, and you claim to be smart, so it only makes sense that you would tutor them” jaemin explained his nonsensical logic and the boy just agreed in shock too confused to know what else to do

“okay good, so when are you free-“ jaemin thought for a second “what’s your name again?”

“renjun”

“okay so when are you free renjun?”

renjun began to ramble “i um i don’t have many plans most of the time so i guess-“

“perfect” jaemin clapped his hands together not letting renjun finish “meet them in the library tomorrow at 7”

“i-okay” jaemin took that as the end of the conversation giving a soft smile before turning to go find you

“wait what’s their name?” renjun called his words coming out all at different volumes “who am i tutoring”

“yn” jaemin turned a little to face renjun “do you know them?”

fuck

this could not be happening

renjun was going to die

his face was already burning thinking about it

noticing renjun’s expression jaemin just laughed

“i’ll take that as a yes”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“GUESS WHO’S THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER”

you gasped “is hyuck here?”

“what? no? you asshole it’s me”

“oof don’t flatter yourself that much” you mumbled waving him off

“i guess you don’t need the tutor i got you then”

“OH MY GOD JAEMIN REALLY?! YOU'RE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER”

you jumped up and hugged him squeezing both of his arms into his sides

“i knew you’d come around” he said in a cocky demeanor “how could you not? i mean look at this face”

“and you ruined it” you spoke breathily and sat back down where you were before

“who’s my tutor anyways?”

“renjun”

your whole body went stiff

“guess you know him then” jaemin shrugged

“fuck you jaemin”

“hey where’s your hufflepuff manners you should be thanking me”

you probably should have

but you weren’t

because out of all the people in the school for jaemin to pick from

he chose fucking huang renjun

the ravenclaw cutie from astronomy who always lent you his ink when you ran out

the genius who always mastered the spells in minutes no matter how complex

now you were going to look stupid in front of him

you really didn’t want to look stupid in front of him

anyone else would be fine

just not him

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

it was 7 and jaemin had instructed you to wait outside the library for renjun

it was really really awkward

anxiety filled your stomach and mind

7:01

he was late that was fine, only one minute, it’s whatever

7:04

he probably just got lost of the funky moving staircases

yeah

that’s it

7:08

you shifted on you feet

uncomfortable

people were watching you get stood up

for a tutoring session

god your life couldn’t be anymore of a mess

7:15

panic set in

you closed your eyes taking a deep breath before preparing yourself to leave

and probably go smack jaemin upside the head for doing this to you

that was until you were hit by the library door

you let out a loud groan

done with everything

but when you looked at who had hit you

renjun was standing there

holding his books to his chest looking discouraged

“hey?” you said a little confused that he hadn’t noticed he hit you with a fucking door

“oh” his eyes grew wide when he saw you “yn you were here the whole time?”

your hand when straight to your face

you were really fucking stupid

making a fool of yourself already

didn't even check inside the library

“were you inside?” you asked quietly knowing the answer anyways

“yeah i thought you weren’t coming”

“i’m so sorry, jaemin gives really bad instructions”

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

there was silence

this was awkward

“so umm” renjun started “should we go study?”

“that does seem like the best idea”

“okay”

you followed him into the library in awkward, awkward silence

you sat at the same table you assumed he was at before because it was littered with arithmancy books

“so what do you think you have most trouble with” he asked looking down at a book and flipping through the pages so he could have something to do

“um- all of it”

yay humiliation

he laughed

and you died

“why are you laughing? i’m serious”

he face instantly fell he cleared his throat looking at you shyly

“that can’t be true” he spoke soft trying not to offend you assuming he was already on thin ice

“oh it is hun”

“then i guess we have a lot of work to do”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“ugh i hate arithmancy it’s literally the worst”

“it’s my favorite subject”

you coughed

“i mean i love arithmancy it’s the best yay” you said weakly adding small jazz hands at the end

“you don’t have to lie” he laughed writing as he spoke “the numbers just remind me of home”

you hummed quietly

“so you’re muggle born?” you ask glaring down at the complicated numbers in front of you

“yeah” renjun sighed “you don’t have a problem with that right?”

you were slightly offended

okay very offended

you looked at him in angry disbelief your mouth open in the shape of an o “do i look like a pretentious twat to you?”

“well...”

“don’t answer that”

he laughed

he had a nice laugh

“how far did you make it into the equation” he curiously leaned over the table to look at your work

“i have the first three numbers” you groaned spotting his already half full page

“and 2 of them are wrong” he brought his quill over and circled the numbers

you laid your head in your hands

this sucked

you felt dumb

you didn’t want to be here

“hey no yn don’t give up okay” he said softly, lightly trying to move your arms away from your face

you just let out a frustrated hum

“i’m never going to get this”

“not with that attitude you won’t”

you moved your hands away from your face to glare at him but he only smiled

he did that purposely didn’t he

fucking ravenclaws

he began to scoot his chair from the opposite side of the table to right beside you, grabbing the quill off of the paper

“here let me help we’ll figure this out together okay?”

you looked at him as he began to write with wide eyes

“okay.”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“did you understand today’s assignment?” renjun asked you

you gave him a look raising an eyebrow knowing he already knew the answer

“okay no need for that sass” he huffed “you could’ve just said no”

“you don’t deserve a no for a stupid question like that”

you began taking your books and parchment out of your bag

“i’m ready to begin this torture”

“hey i’m not that bad”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“okay but chenle is totally into jisung did you see the way he was all over him at lunch and whenever jisung walks into the room chenle’s feet turn straight towards him and he ignores everyone else that love psych 101” you said to renjun half way through your 6th study session which had more or less deteriorated into a gossip session

“oh okay ms.sherlock holmes” renjun had an impressed smile

“who the fuck is sherlock holmes?”

renjun waved his hand at you

“ugh wizards”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

the more you got to know renjun the more references that you didn’t understand at all came

it was to say the least frustrating

but his eyes always lit up when he spoke about muggle books or movies so you just let it slide

“tell me more about this spider-man guy” you said one day your head resting on your hand and you gazed at him expectantly

“okay so he was like this super smart teenager but he got bit by a radioactive spider which changed-“ renjun stopped mid sentence glaring at you slightly “you’re trying to distract me aren’t you?”

you raised your hands in the air defensively “what no-“

“oh my god you are! i’m so easy to trick how dare you,” he rambled “we’re getting back to work”

this was met by a groan

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“this is a bad idea jeno”

“you say that every time”

“that’s because all of your ideas suck”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

owls flew through the dining hall dropping down in front of students around you, delivering mail

your owl was one of the last

he had always been quite slow

jaemin was riffling through a package of salt water taffy his grandparents had sent him when your owl finally arrived

he was carrying the usual newspaper and weekly letter from your parents

you thanked your owl petting his head softly

he nuzzled into your palm before flying off again

when you moved the newspaper out of the way of your food you were surprised to see another letter under it

the envelope was completely blank except for your name

you lifted it up glancing at it curiously

“who is that from?” jaemin said chewing a pink taffy in his mouth

“i-um i don’t know?”

“do you have a secret boyfriend that you aren’t telling me about?”

jaemin was an idiot

you rolled your eyes at him and began opening the envelope cautiously hoping it wasn’t a prank

there was a single folded parchment inside

when you saw what it said your cheeks heated up and a small smile grew on your face

“wait, oh my god! you do have a secret boyfriend!” he exclaimed loudly getting annoyed glares from the people around you

he reached out trying to grab the paper out of your hands and read it but you pulled it out of arms reach, folding it and sticking your tongue out at him

you opened the letter under the table glancing to read it over once again

“i’m too shy to say this in person but i think you’re really cute. i hope you’re eating and sleeping well.” there was a tiny heart drawn beside that “have a great day!!”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“did you start your number chart?”

“i spent all night working on it” you told him rubbing your eyes

he gave you a disapproving look

“yn if you don’t sleep then you can’t concentrate and if you can’t concentrate then you can’t listen and if you can’t listen then you fail”

“well wasn’t that an enlightening roller coaster of words”

he huffed

you leaned over resting on him as you gave him an awkward side hug “you know i’m joking”

he nodded

wow your heart was beating way too fast right now

“i just wanted to work on it so i could impress-“ you. i wanted to impress you “the professor”

“i know yn but just take care of yourself okay” he was blushing now which you thought was cute

very very cute

you pulled away from him with a large smile taking your work out of your bag to show to him

“wait this actually really good” he said in happy surprise “yn you’re getting better”

“well yeah i have a good tutor”

he nudged you slightly

“shut up” renjun lightheartedly laughed

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

this time jaemin was ready

he was going to read one of the letters from your secret boyfriend

there was no stopping him

well you stopped him the last 4 times

but this time

there was no stopping him

when your owl flew towards you he quickly grabbed your mail before you could and began to open the letter tossing your newspaper at you

“HEY” you yelled ready to jump the table to stop jaemin but it was too late

“i want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of chaotic universe with you,” jaemin read the letter out loud proceeding to scrunch his face up when he finished

“what the fuck was that? is that what you and your secret boyfriend talk about? science shit?” he tossed the letter to you which you grabbed quickly and smiled at the tiny stars they had drawn along the page

“i think it’s cute” you spoke softly, adoration in your tone

“i can’t believe my best friend is a nerd”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“I DID IT” you said loudly as soon as you saw renjun in the library only to be shushed by at least 10 students at once

“you did! i’m so proud of you” his voice was a lot quieter probably trying to not get everyone to hate him

you sat down in the chair beside him which he already had pulled out and placed your essay down in front of him

“i mean it’s only an acceptable but it’s good for me y’know” you rambled on shyly his eyes shone bright at your accomplishments

“it’s great yn” he encouraged “we should um”

he looked away from you awkwardly

“hmm?”

“we should uh go to hogsmeade this weekend to celebrate?” renjun couldn’t look you in the eyes and he felt as if he was going to combust “i mean only if you want to if you don’t that’s fine too no pressure”

“you’re rambling” you giggled

“sorry i-“

“i’d love to go to hogsmeade with you”

his shoulders relaxed and he finally looked at you smiling with his eyes

your heart was blessed that day

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i can’t believe you have a date”

“shut up it’s not date”

“it totally is”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

it was quite cold the day you and renjun had planned to go to hogsmeade

okay really cold

and there was renjun standing outside leaning against a wall with his ravenclaw scarf pulled up just past the tip of his nose, hands in his coat pocket, shivering

you were late

and running through the halls

you yelled sorry’s as you pushed past slow moving students hoping you hadn’t kept renjun waiting long

you saw him standing in the cold somehow the small boy was looking even tinier than usual

“renjun” you yelled out waving a hand in the air so he could see you even though you were the only one around

his head lifted up from his scarf and you noticed his smile as he stopped leaning and walked towards you

“you haven’t been waiting long have you?”

“no don’t worry yn i just got here”

that was a lie

you could tell by the red tint on his cheek and the tip of his nose and also the occasional shiver

“liar” you said reaching towards his cheek to place your hands on them to see how cold they were “you’re freezing injunnie”

you couldn’t tell if he was blushing or if he had just gotten colder

“your hands are just warm” he protested moving your hands away from face and back in between the both of you

you both stood there for a second your hands in his until he realized what he was doing

he took a large step back

to your disappointment

“we should-um let’s get going?” he mumbled into his scarf

which by the way was very cute

“lets”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

renjun’s hands were waving around and he explained stories from the muggle world

and it seemed as though other wizards at tables beside yours had been listening as well

“okay so then get this,” renjun said dramatically and loudly “the sent him to england to be executed but he was abducted by pirates and brought back home”

the girl at the table to the right of you gasped

renjun shrunk back in his chair embarrassed realizing others were listening his hands quickly were placed down on the table

“don’t be shy” you encouraged him placing one of your hands on his “you get really excited when you talk and it makes people want to listen”

“oh” he looked down at your hands and then back up at you

“when he got back home there was a funeral for his kind of girlfriend but like not really cause he told her he didn’t love her...”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“today was nice”

“yeah it was”

“we should do it again some time”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you opened the envelope the owl had brought you

“i hope these letters brighten your day even a little because you’re beautiful when you smile and when you don’t, you’re beautiful all the time..”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i can’t do it i’m going to fail” you whined while trying to make a particularly hard chart, beginning to scribble down the page

renjun quickly snatched your quill out of your hands and placed it down beside him

“you’re getting better yn, you’re not going to fail” his hands moved to your shoulders as he tried to motivate you looking you straight in the eyes

“but this is so hard injunnie,” you reaching for your quill back but he took his hands off your shoulders and moved it farther away

“you’re not getting it back until you say something positive”

“i don’t have anything positive to say, i’m going to fail and my parents are going to disown me and i’ll have to live in a shack”

renjun laughed at how ridiculous you sounded

he pointed to a line of work on your paper “what do you do after that?”

you muttered an answer lacking any confidence

“that’s right yn” he clapped shocking you

“wait really!?”

“yeah really see you’re going to pass” he was hyping you up and it was working

“i’m going to pass!”

“you can do this!”

“i’m going to get an outstanding!”

“yes you are!”

“i’m going to do better than you!”

“you see now you’re going too far”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

mail day is what you looked forward to every week filled with joy at the thought of receiving a letter from the anonymous person

as soon as it arrived you basically ripped it open startling jaemin

leaving a long tear in the letter but it was still easy to see

“your determination is admirable”

your heart swelled when you read the words, carefully folding it and placing it back in the envelope to make sure it didn’t get hurt

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“what the fuck man step up your game”

“i thought it was good?”

“you told her that her determination was admirable what kind of weird ass flirting is that”

“okay okay fine now that you say it out loud...”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

full of anticipation for what today’s letter would say your leg bounced up and down

your owl dropped the letters in front of you and you opened it slowly learning from your mistake last time

“are you pikachu? because you’re shockingly beautiful” is all it said inside

what the fuck is a pikachu?

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“hey renjun”

“yeah?”

“do you know what a pikachu is?”

he chocked on air, coughing into his arm

“what? why- why um do you need to know?”

“i got a letter yesterday and it had the word but i couldn’t figure out what it was so i assumed it was a muggle thing, it is a muggle thing right?”

“yeah, a pikachu is a pokémon”

“wow very helpful thank you”

he laughed embarrassed “i forgot you didn’t know about any of that, pokémon are like tiny cartoon monsters”

oh so they were comparing you to a monster

yay

that made you feel so great

“pikachu is an electric type”

“oh” you mumbled sadly

renjun automatically noticed your mood drop and quickly tried to stumble to fix it “i um- i mean he’s- um- pikachu is one of the cute ones?”

you could tell he was trying to cheer you up so you smiled at him

“thank you renjun”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you kept the letters by your bed there were about 15 now the recent ones reading

“you must be magical, because I've fallen under your spell.” (obviously you were magic they were magic too)

“are you the moon? because even when it’s dark you still seem to shine” (most letters had been space related which you found really cute)

“you must be in honeydukes, cause wow, you're really sweet” (okay this one was nice)

the most recent one “you’re an 11/0 because your beauty is undefined” would have been nice if it didn’t remind you of how awful numbers were

getting letters everyday really had made your life more interesting

━�� *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i wonder who’s writing these, do you know who’s writing these jaemin?”

“why would i know who your secret boyfriend is?”

“because you know everything”

“i know it’s such a burden sometimes”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“are you even going to tell them it’s you?”

“i think i would probably die”

“there’s worse ways to go”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

with every session your grades were getting higher and the closer to owl’s it became

you sat with renjun in your usual spot in the library for one of your last tutoring sessions

this should have made you happy but it didn’t

you wanted more time with renjun

but the only way you knew how to talk to him was through studying and the occasion celebratory trips whenever your grade rose

“did you get number 7 on page 378?”

you watched his mouth move but you couldn’t process what he was saying too lost in your thoughts

“yn are you even paying attention?”

“most definitely”

“you liar”

you sighed

“i’m just going to miss you that’s it- miss this”

“yeah me too”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“are you a Snitch? because you're the finest catch here.” today’s letter read with a tiny broom and golden snitch drawn messily in the corner

you smiled

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“you have to tell them man”

“i can’t it’ll be so embarrassing”

“come on, no it won’t they like them”

“you have no proof”

“i see them smile every time they open one”

“well what if they don’t like me”

“like that’s even possible don’t you guys meet up like everyday”

“it’s not everyday and it’s for tutoring”

“is that why i’ve seen you on a date”

“i’ve told you a million times it wasn’t a date”

“but you wanted it to be”

“well yeah”

“then tell them, it will work out and if it doesn’t you can dye my hair pink”

“but you’d look good with pink hair?”

“oh why thank you”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

it was the day before your arithmancy owl

you were panicked

because of renjun’s help you had been receiving straight e’s

you were both immensely proud

you paced back and forth in the hufflepuff common room frantic students panicking around you

you needed a walk

you opened the door to the common room

and there was renjun looking like he was about to knock a piece of paper in his hands

“hi?” you said slightly confused but very happy to see him nonetheless

“oh yn hi i was-“ he seemed very awkward in front of you his hand fidgeting slightly and his leg bouncing you assumed it was just nerves for exams “i was just coming to see you”

“i was going for a walk do you want to join?”

he nodded

“so are you ready for your owl’s?” you asked trying to make conversation as you walked

and also clear up the tense atmosphere that renjun was creating

“i think i’ll do well i’ve been studying a lot recently at dinner and in between classes but i’m still worried y’know”

“yeah i get it, i’m worried because i could actually fail” you laughed

“hey i thought we talked about this” his voice was finally light and joking

it was comfortable again

“i know my goal is still to beat you and mark my words it will happen”

“i’m sure it will” he agreed without even a hint of sarcasm

“finally i get the recognition for the genius i am”

he laughed fiddling with he paper in his fingers

“what’s that you have?” you asked gesturing to the paper and he froze going stiff

“it’s um-“ he stuttered out “its um nothing”

you stopped in front of him clearly not buying it

“okay it’s not nothing” he lifted up the letter as if he was making a decision and then held it out to you looking away

“just don’t hate me okay?”

this confused you

why would you ever hate him?

you cautiously took the paper from his hands giving him a curious look and opened it slowly while he looked at the ground

“are you using the confundas charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?”

no way

this couldn’t be happening

you knew you were dumb but not this dumb

of course he was the one writing the letters

holy shit renjun was writing the letters

“renjun i-“ you started and he looked at you shyly preparing for rejection

“i can’t believe you wasted your final note on that”

wait what?” his eyes widened as he took the paper back looking at it “but jeno helped me write it”

“didn’t you say jeno was an idiot?”

“well yeah, i guess his other idea wouldn’t work either”

you quirked an eyebrow

“what other idea?”

he pulled a second piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to you

you laughed a little as you opened this one

“will you go out with me?” it read

your smile grew at least 100x it’s size

“i dunno this one seems like a pretty good idea to me”

“really?”

“really.”

“i guess that means i don’t get to try idea three”

you giggled “what’s idea three?”

“this,” he leaned in to kiss you gently

he had meant for it to be just a peck but as soon as he moved away you tugged on his robes pulling him in again

“i think that one was my favorite idea” you said as your forehead rested against his

“mine too.” he breathed softly

“was that jeno’s idea as well?”

“no that one was completely mine”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

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backseatsiren · 3 years

Text

A Dramatic Day

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here! There are a couple of reasons: first, my life has reached brave new heights of busy - I was promoted to Editor in Chief at work a bit over a year ago, and my responsibilities there obviously take a lot of time. I’m also teaching more courses than usual at Berklee (right now, one section of Film and TV and two of Game Design Principles), and, as usual, I’m training grappling on top of it all. Plus, naturally, the ambulance. I’m hitting my tour hours, and proud to do it, and as pumped as ever to be an EMT in this neighborhood.

I’m also... very, very, VERY slowly *actually writing a book* about all of this. I’ve begun interviewing a few fellow EMTs, mainly volunteers, about what it is we do. Because of how insane my schedule is, it’ll be a very long term project, and I can’t put any pressure to finish soon. But, especially through the pandemic, I’ve felt a desire to document and interview and report on the idea of volunteer emergency medical services in New York City, here in Brooklyn and Queens, and I think other folks might be interested in reading a bit about it.

But I’d like to get back into the practice of writing about calls and concepts and experiences. As always, I’ll respect patients and patient privacy, and will never reveal identifying information or anything inappropriate.

Today was a fairly busy day, but it started with a bit of a dramatic call. We were called to an unknown, and flagged down by a bystander. A man called us over and told us that he saw a man lying on the train tracks (a less-used track, not the subway or commuter rail or anything). He said he regularly feeds a colony of feral cats there, and noticed the gentleman lying down the way.

We thanked him and high tailed it over, yelling out to him (the usual “sir are you ok?”). My more experienced (many, many years in EMS, including at a much higher level of certification) partner took a look at him and said “he might be dead” and began looking forward a pulse. He went for more help (another ambulance was arriving and they needed to be directed over, the physical layout of the space was weird), and he instructed me to look for a pulse. I did, and found nothing. My other partner (a newer EMT, just cleared for CC status, who I also love working with), said “he’s cold to the touch.”

It was raining lightly. The tracks were a little slick, and there was some litter. It’s early may, and the grass had that beautiful sheen on it, that it gets in the rain. Weird things, visual and sense memory things, are coming back as I write about it.

He was lying down on his face on the tracks. I checked for a carotid pulse again and felt nothing. I checked his hands - they were closed and held tight. Rigor Mortis. I checked his arms, his coat, his clothing, careful not to mess with anything, but looking for lividity. He was bleeding from his face, and, on inspection, his face was very clearly badly injured, bruised, and bloated. I was wearing an N95, but even so, you could smell that he was deceased.

I told my more experienced partner that when he arrived with the other crew. We inspected the scene - noting a shovel and some other tools. There was a little encampment nearby - possibly where this man lived. Beer and food in a little shelter.

It certainly looked like foul play was possible. I learned a few minutes later (on my next call) that the cops did start an investigation there.

As one of the other EMTs from the other crew noted, it was “like a movie scene.” Something about the rain and the light, the way the blood pooled, the way the ants crawled around in it... was surreal. It may have been my less experienced partner’s first DOA when they were first on the scene (it wasn’t mine, but it was certainly the first *outdoor* DOA where I’ve been first and had to help establish that). It was my first suspected murder scene.

And yes, it was deeply sad. There’s some initial adrenaline, for me, in every call. There would be more on my other calls today. There is a voice in my head that repeats a lot of the basic instructions and goes through scenarios: “ABCs” (a note to always prioritize airway, breathing, and circulation). I think about what happened in any given situation and what I should do for my patient. I look for threats to everyone’s safety. And when I can breathe and get a clearer picture of what’s going on, that’s when I can start to process things a bit.

We covered him with a clean sheet from the ambulance and did all the things we needed to do. We talked about it a little, after the call. But I always need to think about things for a few hours after, which is what I’m doing here, by writing about it a bit.

I’m a deeply, empathetic person. I feel for my patients. The call I’m about to talk about - the very next call - required that of me in a different way. But in this scenario, I want to first do everything right for the person and situation, and next, be as respectful as humanly possible. This poor man died - was very probably killed - and was left outside in the rain. I don’t know much about his life, and very little about his death. The whole scenario is very sad, and very surreal.

Every time I’ve had a dead patient, it’s stuck with me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget my first, a woman who very probably died of a heart attack or in her sleep, and her son found her. He was mourning. He was on top of the body, hugging her, crying “I’m sorry, mommy,” and there’s... I guess there’s nothing on earth like that. Nothing like that kind of pain. People, as a rule, do not expect to see their loved ones deceased, and when we do, we usually have a ceremony for it.

I’m just a bystander to that. I can do nothing to help the deceased person, and very little for a mourning loved one, besides being a respectful, empathetic human presence. For my deceased patient today, all we could do was establish that he was dead and do the proper things to ensure his remains would be taken care of (and his death investigated).

My next call was very different, but it was heavy in a different way. We got a call for, basically, a suicidal young woman. We arrived, with PD, to her door. The officers assessed things to an extent, but she revealed that she had been traumatized by police in the recent past, and didn’t want any police in her home. I talked with her calmly, and was able to relieve the cops and take this one, with my partner.

We listened to her. She had obviously been through some extreme trauma and needed mental health resources. I won’t reveal any details here, but I had to keep assuring her that I had no handcuffs and wasn’t interested in taking her against her will. She was terrified of being taken somewhere she didn’t want to go, and I basically sat calmly with her and talked to her about her options. Just talking. Just listening.

This is a case, like a patient a couple of years ago, where I’m very happy to take my time. I’m a volunteer, man. I’m not grinding through a shift for miserable pay, as most EMTs are - I’m here because I frankly want to be useful in this manner.

And I’m happy to sit with a person going through emotional hell, because this is what I can help with. I’m five years into being an EMT with RVAC. I do this 2-3 shifts per month, so I’ll never be the fastest, best, EMT in NYC. But I can be the most patient EMT, and I can give plenty of extra time to a person.

I’m not a therapist, and I don’t pretend to be. That’s what I told her - first, that I’m not a cop, I don’t have cuffs, I have no interest in taking her if she’s of sound mind and doesn’t want to go. Then, second, that I’m no doctor, and no therapist, and that I want her to have resources if she needs them.

We talked more, and did more vitals, and she decided she wanted to come to a mental health facility. We explained every step of the process to her, and what she could expect, and what to bring.

Do I wish I was an actual therapist who could help this girl right away? Yeah. Do I wish I had the ability to make mental health policy that provides good, effective, supportive therapy to all human beings who need it? Yeah. Do I wish I could do better for her than an ER with psych specialists? Where she could easily get lost in the cracks or simply never connect with what she truly needs? Yeah.

I can only take her to a place where people are at least trained to assess her and offer her further resources. I can only hope they actually can help, and do so.

I had another call where we did a bit of *psychological first aid* not long after that. A dramatic scene! A young woman fainted at work at a store, and several people were surrounding her and holding her at the scene! Folks were holding her hands and crying.

It looked wild at first glance, but our patient was completely ok - we got her out, had medics assess her completely, and brought her to the ER while assuring her parents that things looked ok. Her mother was extremely upset, and we had a bit of a language barrier, but we were able to assure her and let her know things looked ok, that her child had very promising vitals and EKG readings, and we just needed the ER visit to make sure.

The medics helping us out were INCREDIBLE. They offered a full walkthrough for us of what was going on physiologically with her and gave a very helpful tip on scenes like that - give bystanders little jobs (just simple stuff, like holding the door, or looking for something like a towel) to do! It helps (caring, kind, just want to help) folks feel helpful when they get scared, especially in dramatic-looking situations.

A lot of drama today. A lot of learning. I felt really good about taking charge with my psych patient and helping her to feel safe and able to make her own decision. Im glad we were able to help our young fainting patient. And as much as it’s heavy, I’m glad I was at least on scene today for our first call. I know I can do nothing but confirm obvious death, but, I take some heart in the kind bystander who called for him (the gentleman who feeds cats nearby).

At least someone cared enough to try.

I’m forever grateful for my partners, for the folks who have taken the time to teach me (back when I was VERY green and still, to this day, as I am learning every single shift), and for the patients who trust me to do my best for them.

I noticed today, this month marks five years of doing this, with my volunteer corps. I can only hope I learn more and become a more effective EMT as I go.

#volunteer ems #ems #nyc

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atlascas · 4 years

Text

DEANCAS FIC REC

(last updated 7/1)

FINALLY. this is like. just a place for me to rec and write excessively abt the fics i've been reading lately. it won't be organized but it WILL be very earnest and i'll keep it updated as i find/remember more. also i have obnoxiously high standards when it comes to fic so these ARE the cream of the crop, if u will. the god tier. the s tier.

very loosely organized into "newer fic" and "classics." these are subjective categories. do what you will

✨ = new fic on the list

💖 = in my brain rent free!

CURRENTLY READING

these are the fics that i’m currently reading! may or may not get recced. usually i read the first couple paragraphs/lines and if i like the writing it gets bookmarked and put on this list.

lazarus needs a robe of scarlet thread by herrosesneverfall, 90k, canonverse au. dean starts getting stigmata. when i was getting back into spn there were a LOT of religious fics flying around bc that was the Hot Topic of Discussion. this was one of them

Three weeks ago, Dean woke up in a pine box. He thought dealing with the nightmares was going to be the most difficult part of his new life after Hell, but at least they were something he could understand. Something he could deal with. Something he deserved.

Then he began having agonizing visions of crucifixion. Wounds appeared on his body out of nowhere. Wounds that refused to heal and coated his skin with the sickly sweet smell of roses.

Stigmata are said to be the marks of saints, but Dean is not a saint and the wounds are only the beginning.

kingdom come by ahurston, 8.7k, coda to 15x18. cas gets to go home. im gathering all the s15 fix-its to my heart and holding them close

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

hunger by ellispark, 10.8k, s13 au. dean grieves cas, post s12 finale. perfect writing perfect awful heartwrenching characterization so far on dean’s end especially towards jack. nuanced emotional writing

Dean takes his meal and throws it away, plate and all. He's not hungry. How can he even begin to eat, knowing what he kept from Cas — what he kept from both of them?

They could have had something, and now all Dean has is this gaping, empty hole in his stomach, in his chest, and he has to learn to breathe and eat and move around it.

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog, 60.8k, canonverse. cas loving dean in all permutations of humanity, throughout time.

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Of love? There isn’t one. Loving is its own purpose.”

NEWER FIC

“newer” just means “i discovered it in 2020/2021 after coming back to spn fandom” so it very well could have been published before 2015 but really who’s checking. not me that’s for sure.

💖 so says the sword by komodobits, 85k, s4 au. cas guards the michael sword in the beautiful room. this is easily the MOST obvious rec on this entire list but it was the first fic i read when i got back into spn this year and jesus christ it set the bar sky fucking high. the way they create a coherent mythology out of the mess that is spn canon is incredible.

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

assimilation by komodobits, 5.6k, coda to 12x01. mary meets dean and cas and they go to find sam. such good character studies of all three of them. the best mary pov fic i’ve read

Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

cuckoo and nest by komodobits, 10k, ambiguously canonverse. dean and cas navigate relationship anxiety. cute, in character, and their relationship is realistic and the conflict well-written and emotionally nuanced and really really really good.

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

💖 one white lie by komodobits, 11k, au. cas panics when trying to ask dean out and has to fake being a jehovah’s witness. it’s adorable and hilarious and it’s been ages since i actually got butterflies at a kiss in a fic but this did it. it did it. it felt like someone swaddled my soul in a cashmere blanket and kissed me on the forehead

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (scaramouche), 11.5k, set during s6. cas comes to as his s4 self without any memories of the past two years and has to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s kind of like so says the sword. you’ll know it when you get to it.

Castiel is captured inside a trapping circle of holy oil set by Dean and Sam Winchester. The brothers call him "Cas", claiming that he has amnesia and that he is obligated to help them take down Crowley to atone for his betrayal of them. It's the strangest story Castiel's ever heard, and one he doesn't have time for because he's only just raised Dean from Hell and has work to get back to.

💖 cas and dean’s adventures in gardening by ahurston, 19k, post-canon au. a series featuring dean and cas living in the bunker, human. cas is very into plants. i read this yesterday actually and it made me smile SO much it’s just so lovely and sweet. i’m also a sucker for any fic where cas has a garden. he deserves a fucking garden okay

In this post-God world, everything is different. A little quieter, a little softer. Cas grows a garden, Dean cooks, and they take care of each other.

tall grass by aeli_kindara, 57k, post-s12. dean and cas live in the bunker on their own, and cas grows a garden. i did say i love fics where cas has a garden. plus domesticity, plus some good case fic, PLUS dean and cas’ relationship is so gentle and good

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.

Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.

Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

in a week by renrub, 2.3k, post 15x18. cas is in the empty. dean saves him. this is genuinely the best “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fic i’ve read so far like conceptually this entire thing just fucks. when cas is cycling through the barn scene. god. SO well written

Castiel is outside a barn covered in sigils. He frowns. This isn’t right. This has never been something he repented for.

i won’t even wish for snow by annie d (scaramouche), 5.6k, college au. cas goes to the winchesters’ for christmas. honestly scaramouche fics belong in the classics section bc she’s like an og deancas writer but whatever. mistletoe! banter! good in-character au! this fic’s got it all

It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

convenient husbands by annie d (scaramouche), 39k, canonverse au. cas is a phoenix, dean is a hunter. they get married and have a sick psychic bond. unexpectedly fluffy considering how the fic starts and i love the banter so much and dean/cas’ relationship gets fleshed out and organically developed it’s very cute

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

cinderwings by bendingsignpost, 181k, cinderella au. cas goes to a masquerade ball to save his people from an eternity trapped in a void. he meets prince dean. i can’t tell u how much this fic drew me in - thru good worldbuilding, but mostly thru cas’ social awkwardness. like it works PERFECTLY to his advantage in this fic and reading how expertly he manipulates social situations w/o any fucking idea what he’s doing is both hilarious and inspiring

Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.

as the crow flies by bendingsignpost, 3.4k, au. dean and cas go on a roadtrip. cas has wings! it’s so dreamlike and meandering and the slowburn is so good. honestly it reminds me of stevebucky/stevesam post tws era roadtrip fics if ur hip LMAO

Cross country road trips with Cas are the best.

long-term relationship by bendingsignpost, 2.7k, au. dean and cas have a Serious Conversation about their relationship.

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers, 7k, ambiguously canonverse. dean is trans. dean and cas are fucking and lowkey hiding it from sam. perfect character study PERFECT trans dean fic it’s so fucking well-written

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

💖 the love story of the runner up by margo_kim, 4.7k, ambiguously canonverse. cas tries dating other men. bear with me here. this is an outside pov fic from an oc named miguel who is WONDERFULLY characterized and very endearing like i find outsider/oc pov to be on Thin Fucking Ice bc it always ends up as fandom/author self-insert but miguel is his OWN MAN. he gets his own lil arc and everything. dean and cas are concentrated perfectly crystallized versions of themselves and the little glimpses we get of them are amazing. ALSO i wrote like 9k of an spn vent fic (basically the same premise but w an oc named marcus) back in like. freshman yr of hs. so when i first opened this fic i was like what the fuck someone’s been in my google docs. very weird experience 10/10 regardless

“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”

“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.”

For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.

sunshine by northernsparrow, 8k, set during s13. dean and cas have a long conversation about their Profound Bond. the description left me off-balance (it really. really truly says “dean is straight in this fic” like okay bro WEIRD hill to die on) but it pulled through w the relationship study and reassurance and snuggles. a sweet fic

One-shot with a single conversation between Dean and Castiel, set in a late-S13-ish world. Gabriel, Cas, Sam & Dean are all living in the bunker together, Gabe's been cracking certain jokes, Sam's found a certain book, Cas is injured and isn’t healing... and it's all making Dean wonder if his angel friend might have some sort of a "bond" with... somebody? Whatever that means.

Maybe it's time for a talk.

💖 still life by catchclaw, 16.5k, post-s8. cas, newly human, goes to live on his own for a while. he and dean maintain a relationship thru the phone. this is LITERALLY the only first person fic i fucking respect okay like i was skeptical! i really was! but the pov is PERFECT and also my man kevin tran is in this fic and i love him and miss him very much. oh and cas going off to explore humanity on his own..............perfect arc. very much in character we love that for him

Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

it’s mostly cowardice, and bad timing by ferritin4, 1.6k, pre-canon. actually this one is just a dean study it’s not deancas but i spent an entire night looking for it and i need someone else to read it too. dean is smart!!! SAY THAT

Dean gets his GED.

a list of reasons the bunker shouldn’t get a sofa by lizbobjones, 5.6k, set during s12. sam and dean and mary and cas haul a sofa back to the bunker. cute domesticity and fluff

Let me count the ways that this is a terrible idea.

no kingdom to come by domesticadventures, 16.8k, canonverse. dean and cas deal with being stuck in quarantine in different ways. this is the one and only quarantine fic i’ve read and it’s really good lmao. dean and cas’ relationship is so organic and tentative in this one

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo, 8.4k, canonverse. it’s like dean’s being cursed to have bad hookups with men. SUCH a funny fic and the deancas tension is so simple and sweet and GOOD. plus cas is so enjoyably characterized here he’s so human and worn in and experienced in his own unique way. perfect use of rowena too

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

turn of the year by kototyph, 3.9k, canonverse au. sam and dean get stuck out in the middle of nowhere on the winter solstice. what i wouldn’t give for a full 80k of this verse actually. also i went on a kototyph binge after reading shut up put your money where your mouth is and they have a SOLID spn repertoire

Fifteen minutes later, Dean gets back in the car with empty hands and ice in his fucking eyebrows. “Get the map out,” he says through chattering teeth, sticking numb fingers under his arms.

Sam holds up the battered 1995 Rand MacNally they keep in the side pocket, turned to a page of uninterrupted green. “We’re going to die,” he announces.

💖 bullets in the gun by kototyph, 4.9k, canonverse au. cas is a cop (i know. still) who gets kidnapped by dean in an unfortunate turn of events. GOD this fic is SO FUNNY. cas’ canny and strategic escape attempts render him a very active VERY funny pov character plus the hate attraction to dean is PERFECTLY WRITTEN VERY BELIEVABLE. dean’s kindness also shines thru even as he literally holds cas hostage like!!!! PERFECT characterization. both of them are so LIKABLE here. if you read anything on this list read this

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

as you will by kototyph, 1.8k, victorian au. cas endures a proposal mishap. it’s cute it’s funny it’s sweet!

"No?" Castiel echoes, dumbly.

and if i was looking too? by kototyph, 2.6k, au. cas is undercover where dean works. this fic is just so cute like. bird angels.................

There are some things Castiel hasn't told Dean, and there are some things he doesn't need to.

the most important thing by northernsparrow, 94.5k, s10 au. amnesiac cas raising claire until he comes across someone familiar. claire is so well characterized here i really loved her arc thruout this fic. she just wants her dad back and u can’t even blame her the author rlly does an amazing job creating realistic and heartbreaking motivations for her. oh and dean and cas (esp cas characterization!) are sweet in this but honestly the highlight IS claire for me

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

there’s only one sure thing that i know by blinkiesays, 20.3k, post-s5. dean goes to help cas out in ohio and they end up building a home together. i love the writing it’s rlly funny and sweet.

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

💖 to an angel, love and worship are the same thing by geminisage, 10.3k, post s15 fix it. dean grieves cas - and then cas gets brought back back from the empty. i didn’t have this in my bookmarks so i MISSED it the first time around on this list but this was another one of the fics i came back to spn fandom to. it’s so fucking unique?? it actually reads like spn like i think fic tends to soften dean/cas up and makes them more emotional + emotionally intelligent than is ever shown in the show. here the dialogue/characterization adheres RIGOROUSLY to their communication in canon in that dean’s not overtly emotional, and cas is very reserved. they have to negotiate their relationship exactly like they would in the show. it’s all clipped conversation and anger and hurt and (warning btw) LOTS of internalized homophobia on dean’s end but it’s SO worth it. dean navigating his [GESTURES VAGUELY] everything is compellingly written, emotionally true, and PERFECTLY characterized. cas characterization also amazing like u rlly feel the quiet devoted bittersweet love. ok this was long clearly it’s a good fic go read it now

Just as Dean knew they would, the weeks do stretch into months, and then into a year. Grief never gets easier, Dean knows from experience, but you do get better at it. After all, you can get used to anything.

the violin house by teh_helenables, 8.5k, post-s5. dean and cas build a home after stull. so slow and lovely and sweet and gentle. i need to put this here so that i don’t forget it tbh. it’s very much dean as a war wife cas as the husband away on the front

The Apple Pie Life is a slow process, but Dean and Cas are getting there—until Cas is called for battle and Dean is forced to wait.

💖 muscle memory by komodobits, 18.9k, au. amnesiac cas wakes up three years in the future with dean in his kitchen. komodobits DOES NOT FUCKING MISS!!! i CRIED at the end of this i had NO INTENTION OF CRYING the rest of the fic isn’t even SAD i just had to sit there at the end of it w tears dribbling down my face. INSANE work of art

Dear Castiel,

Hello – it’s Castiel. This must all seem very confusing, and I’m sorry for that. Dean says to tell you that this isn’t some kind of ‘time-travel stunt’, although I’m sure that won’t be your first thought. I know it wasn’t mine. I’ve told Dean to leave now, as this is my notebook and I want everything in it to come from me – or rather, from you. I know you think it's the fifteenth of January, 2010, but it isn't. At the time of my writing this, the date is the fourth of October, 2013. Dean Winchester is your boyfriend of a year and a half, and you no longer work at the library, and in early 2010 you were hit by a car and hospitalised. I’m sorry.

a.k.a the 50 First Dates Dean/Cas AU where Castiel wakes up on a day just like any other, except that three years have passed without his knowing, and Dean Winchester is in the kitchen wanting to marry him.

don’t forget the experience points by annie d (scaramouche), 10.8k, au. cas is sam’s work friend, and he and dean get to know each other. genuinely an adorable fic. i adore cas’ characterization in this it’s snarky AND awkward AND confident in a way that i absolutely believe he would be if he had 30 yrs of human life under his belt

It's because Dean was an awesome brother than he took such an interest in Sam's new friend. No, really. What happened afterwards was mostly an accident.

actus fidei by manic_intent, 5.6k, canonverse au. dean’s a priest, cas is still his angel. i was HOOKED from the description alone like That’s Everything I Love in One Sentence. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the very first time that Castiel manifests in front of Father Dean Winchester, he gets as far as "Rejoice, for you are blessed-" before Dean shoots him with a salt-loaded shotgun.

not with a bang but a yelp by strange_estrangement, 1.4k, canonverse. team free will leave yelp reviews. this isn’t d/c actually it’s just a crack-ish fic but the formatting is cool and the references are SO funny and so well done

What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.

the courtship of combat by bendingsignpost, 18.2k, medieval a/b/o au. cas is politically coerced into fighting in a courtship melee for prince dean's hand, and he teams up with two unexpected allies to do it. I KNOW HOW THE ABO THING SOUNDS but i swear it's done well - it's by bendingsignpost so ofc he puts his own spin on the premise. im absurdly into it. PLUS jack is in it!!!!!!! it's technically an unfinished series but the first part is so good just on its own

When pressed upon to mate for a political alliance, Commander Castiel dares to refuse his king. As “I do not wish to mate at all” is clearly the wrong thing to say, Castiel takes the other path and lies. “You must know my affections lie elsewhere, my king.”

King Michael studies Castiel’s face long and hard. Then, with a nod, he snaps his fingers, pointing to Castiel. “The Winchester omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel says with no real recollection of who that is.

The ruse of an unavailable omega works well enough, right up until that omega is no longer unavailable. Then, with what seems to be his entire nation cheering him on toward victory, Castiel must enter the melee to win his mate. Backed by allies, training, and his own natural talents, the only question is how well he can contrive to fail.

four letter word for intercourse by bendingsignpost, 194.7k, au. dean calls a sex hotline. OH BOY solid characterization excellent plot/premise like bendingsignpost is so good at turning absurd premises into realistic, believable fiction. also sex hotline fic is usually a BIG turn-off bc of the power dynamics/one-sidedness of a relationship based on sex work but. BUT. bendingsignpost does it well! it’s not weird at ALL i started reading and was immediately reassured abt its intentions and its plot direction

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties.

What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right?

(It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon, 21.4k, post-canon. case fic! dean and cas have to kiss on a loveboat to solve a case >:)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."

Dean just stares at him.

when you have a future. by firebog, 17.6k, post-s8. dean and sam and cas learning to be human post-apocalypse. reminds me of robotmango’s writing! it’s kind of eccentric and very very sweet and funny.

Sam closes Hell. Castiel closes Heaven. The heroes save the day. There's no Heaven or Hell waiting to cause the next big disaster. There's no more end of the world. There's only a squirmy feeling in his chest that feels a lot like freedom. So, now what?

(Things I promise you in this fic: dog poetry, rabbits, and fluff)

six inch heels by alitneroon, 2.3k, canonverse. dean does drag! excellent fucking character study. prose is fantastic

Dean does drag on a whim, and ends up in way over his head.

sharing is caring by gateskeeper, 2.5k, canonverse. five times dean and cas shared something and one time they didn’t. look. sometimes u just need some saccharine tropey fluff. it’s VERY well written

Sam knows that Dean and Cas have shared a lot together, but ever since Cas became human permanently, it seems like they've been sharing a lot more.

Or: five times Dean and Cas shared something special and one time Dean refused to.

💖 empty spaces by schmerzerling, 60k, au. dean has to take care of his dying father, and takes up running to cope. that’s just the beginning. HEAVY trigger warnings for ED (specifically anorexia) and suicidal thoughts. there is a happy ending, but dean has to fight to make it there. god. okay. this is a dark fic. it’s also one of the most well-characterized fics i’ve ever read. dean’s spiral is excruciatingly accurate and written with the kind of wry compassion that comes from either extensive research or extensive experience. it’s also completely immersed in dean’s perspective - dean’s relationship w his dad, dean’s relationship w food scarcity, etc. it’s incredible. it’s kinda scary. it’s deeply sad. cas is explicitly autistic and it’s ALSO incredibly accurate and loving, and makes cas so true to his canon self. ugh. and i burst into TEARS at some of the accompanying art, which is so sparse and lonely and beautiful. 100/10 experience one of the best fics i’ve read this year

Dean is fine. The way he sees it, things are simple. He had a house and a family and food in his stomach, and now he doesn't. And yeah, that's a downer, but he's not going to let that stop him from being fine, because he's in control of the situation. He definitely doesn't need anyone to save him. And it's not like the weird guy with the nice butt from down the road is the knight-in-shining-armor type, anyway.

broken road by thegeminisage, 109.6k, 14x13 au. dean makes a wish and gets more than he bargained for. a lot of “john comes back” fics are kinda short on nuance, which this author has talked about a lot - and oh MAN does this fic deliver on nuance. john’s abuse is absolutely present, but his pov makes him a complex character instead of a flat caricature for dean to reject. and the way this fic resolves really makes it clear that the priority is dean’s emotional well-being over all else!!! this isn’t about dean taking the path fandom thinks he should take w his abuser (killing john, punching john in the face, etc), this is abt dean coming to terms w his abuse and finding his own emotionally satisfying way of resolving it. also dean and cas are in an established relationship and it’s very slow and sweet.

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

home is not a place by imogenbynight, 6.8k, post-s11. human cas struggles with belonging, and dean struggles with their relationship. this reads a lot like komodobits’ cuckoo and nest, but it’s its own sweet little thing. they watch movies!!! very cute

In which Dean is the oblivious one for a change.

love: a retrospective by xylodemon, 40.7k, post-s12. dean tries to deal w cas’ absence after s12 and reflects on their relationship thru the years. this was written before s13 aired, so - no spoilers - but jack plays a different role than he ends up playing in canon. it’s kinda fun seeing ppl’s theories pre-s13 tbh. makes me VERY glad that they took jack in the direction they did in show. anyway this is THEE definitive “they’ve been fucking all along” fic

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

✨💖 if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee, 37k, post-s15 fix-it. cas gets broken out of the empty - and he immediately makes a break for it. new fave fix-it!!!! the writing is so understated and so straightforward - SO in character for cas tbh - that every single emotional beat feels like a PUNCH. and there are so many amazing character moments it made my chest seize the fuck up!!!!! perfect characterization perfect relationship moments perfect cas/jack parenting moments. the yearning over the phone is OFF THE CHARTS and spocklee makes the most of that tension!!!! PLUS old canon characters get to make fun appearances!!!!! i cannot recommend this shit enough

After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.

✨ before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10.5k, post-canon. dean and sam and cas tackle a monster of the week case with unexpected consequences. perfect pov perfect relationship moments SUCH GOOD TENSION. again this writing style just lets the tension dial up to 1000% every word is meaningful and it makes my chest hurt!!! spocklee SHOULD have blown up during the spn renaissance and i STAND by that

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

CLASSICS

isn't it cool how every person has diff fics they consider "classics?" anyway these are required fucking reading. if u've been around these will prob be old news.

💖 asunder by rageprufrock, 23k, au. dean and cas go to sam's wedding. i reread this once a year like a religious ritual.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

💖 the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock, 15k, set during s5. dean teaches cas how to be human. mostly the sex part. literally the gold fucking standard of s4-5 era deancas fic and for deancas fic in general, personally

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed, 4.5k, au. dean tries to sign up for an ok cupid profile and has a revelation. as soon as i put this entry down i realized this entire fic rec was an exercise in futility, because if i could i'd literally just rec everything orange_crushed/robotmango has ever written. still one of THEE best authors in this fandom. go read all her fics. i’ll put the highlights here

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements."

"You hang out in your basement."

"I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

💖 pwp: pie without plot by orange_crushed and majorenglishesquire, 82k, post-s8. sam and dean and cas quit hunting for a little bit to open a bakery. this is my comfort fic. i love it so so much.

he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything

💖 la cucina by orange_crushed, 4k, post-s8. dean gets into cooking for a newly human cas. it's so gentle and loving and kind and makes me tear up every time. YES food is a comfort item and expression of love for dean. no i don't want to talk about it

Dean turns around and Castiel is picking through the jars, turning them over carefully to read the labels, totally engrossed. Dean watches him.

"Is there," Dean says, "uh, anything in there you like?" Castiel looks up at him and then back at the apples, sitting in a basket on the counter in their golden skins, ripe and pretty. Castiel smiles up at Dean.

"I don’t know yet," he says.

today, your barista verse by orange_crushed, 13.6k, coffeeshop au. a series of short sweet lovely fics where cas is a barista and dean is a smitten customer. literally the only coffeeshop au i respect

"Is that-"

"My number," says Dean, because he's a fucking champion, he's cool, he's collected, he's Captain Smooth of the USS Smoothtania, that's right. He is definitely not leaning against the counter for moral support. Cas doesn't looked seduced or impressed, though. He does not look like a dude who just met Captain Smooth and wants to ride the loveboat. He looks puzzled.

fata morgana. by orange_crushed, 6.6k, post-s9. dean is the king of hell. bela and cas team up to find him. bela pov. yeah you fucking heard that right BELA POV. BELA AND CAS!!!!!!!!!! makes me lose my mind i love everyone in this stupid desolate fucking hell wasteland.

The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell.

"Oh," says Bela.

That changes certain things.

💖 gran fury. by orange_crushed, 5k, pacific rim au. sam and cas pair up in a last ditch mission to save the world. permanently damaged me at age 15 and i've never recovered. major fucking angst warning.

They sit in silence and Castiel passes him the bottle. There’s not much left to say. Sam takes a gulp and it burns going down, like the cheap shit it is. He holds the bottle up against the light. He can see the Fury through it, distorted like a funhouse mirror. She’s a tomb but Sam loves her. Loves everything that’s left.

"To the end of the world," he says.

"To the end of the world," says Castiel.

💖 shut up (put your money where your mouth is) by kototyph, 24k, au. dean and cas get drunk married in vegas. dean renovates cas' house. this fic is SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered/expected and the entire series is fucking adorable go read it RIGHT now

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

not part of the plan by annie d (scaramouche), 338k, arranged marriage au. cas is slated to marry a noble from the winchester house. things spiral out of control. if you’re looking for an extensive well-developed political au, this is fucking it. i love reading about political machinations so this was FASCINATING to me.

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

💖 all things shining by askance and standbyme, 142k, au. sam and dean and cas go on a hunt that's not really a hunt, and against all odds good things happen. it's beautifully written and has scenes that literally make my heart leap out of my chest with joy and awe it's just WONDERFUL it's a wonderful fic. incredible mythology too omg i found that the authors actually created the myth the entire story is based on - like they don’t pull a random one from history, they made one up THEMSELVES. they even self-published it on amazon if ur curious

Something in the world is waking up.

It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago.

Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

💖 broadway musical by griftings, 12.4k, crack. romcom where cas is supposed to play matchmaker to dean and jo and well. you know. it actually made me cackle out loud when i read it again so you know it's still good. absolutely one of the funniest fics i’ve read

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

the five people you meet in heaven by chevrolangels, 22k, ambiguously canonverse. dean dies and goes to heaven and meets five people from his life. NOT a post-finale fic but still horrifically sad. i remember sobbing hysterically when i first read this so

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

any port in a storm by microcomets, 53k, post-s8. dean and cas go on a haunted cruise for a case. you know what happens next. also the art is by anobviousaside and it's gorgeous

The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)

a turn of the earth by microcomets, 95k, pre-canon au. cas is on the run from the empty and crash lands in dean's life. at one point he punches john in the face. a fucking beautifully written character study of pre-canon dean, honestly.

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

unfinished duet by microcomets, 5.8k, canonverse. sam observes dean and cas throughout the years. i remember this breaking my heart back in 2013!

Sam watches Dean and Cas over the years and notices a few things. (Or, Dean and Cas unscripted.)

💖 ergative/absolutive by glassedplanets, 8k, college au. dean and cas are best friends who meet in an astronomy class. i'm never not thinking about this fic it's so sweet and the friends to lovers is so soft and believable

He really shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this about his best friend who literally just broke up with his girlfriend, but he knows he’ll blame it on sleepiness in the morning. He always does.

a certain light by flightagain, 24k, au. cas works at the gas n sip. dean is a customer. this author’s writing style is so lonely and heavy but it’s very lovely

Castiel works at the Gas-n-Sip. There are half-price nachos and flickering lights, there are office-workers and werewolves stopping by for snacks. Dean is a frequent customer, and his office might be haunted.

the one thing you can’t lose by majorenglishesquire, 5k, ambiguously canonverse. dean can pull cas around and it’s adorable. character study-ish. very sweet.

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

brother lover by twentysomething, 4k, set during s4/s5. dean’s jealous of sam and cas’ budding relationship. this fic is so tropey but it does it well and it’s funny as fuck

However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first.’

his fucking kids by 8sword, 3k, canonverse au. dean and cas raise claire and emma together. yes, claire novak. yes, emma of 7x13 spice girls fame. this was the first kidfic i read for spn i think. obvs written before jack or claire actually came back into the picture but it was the TEMPLATE of kidfic for me for ages

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

💖 what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie d (scaramouche), 16k, post s8. dean gets turned into an octopus. another fic that was SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered i fucking love when that happens. it isn’t even about dean being an OCTOPUS like NO. NOT EVEN. it’s ACTUALLY about the bunker and building a home and a community and a family and about PHYSICAL COMFORT and you can actually feel the world expanding at the end of this fic like a gusty sigh of relief it’s SO WONDERFUL. kevin is in this fic. ellie is too and i had to look her up but THIS is her!!!! danay garcia u were too hot to stay on this show but i love you and miss u

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

💖 a beginner’s guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, canonverse au. dean is a cop who summons a powerful entity to help him solve a cold case. oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t put this on here i love this one so much. the writing bowls me over it’s so confident in its worldbuilding like you’re IMMEDIATELY plunged into dean’s pov (FLAWLESSLY executed throughout the fic btw) and you just learn about the world as you go!! and it’s such a fascinating world!!! i love the magic i love the typical bureaucratic red tape procedures i love normalizing the supernatural. i ESPECIALLY love monsters as normal people in a society. at one point there’s this exchange

“Monsters,” says Cas finally. “Beyond the Wall there are monsters.” “You mean, like, vampires and djinn and stuff?” Cas shakes his head. “Those aren’t monsters, those are just people.”

those lines have stayed with me for years. i think about them every time i rewatch an episode of spn.

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

dean’s list by almaasi, 3k, canonverse. dean makes a list. short and sweet. i read this so much in 2015 that it literally got engraved into my brain line by line and rereading it caused synapses to fire that havent felt anything in years

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

💖 the path of fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, post-s8. dean and cas open a charming bed and breakfast in vermont. no, literally. another CLASSIC. i think about the food in this fic all the time...........maple bacon baked french toast......the cinnamon rolls.....it literally sounds so good

After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

long nights in cold months by pyrebi, 2.3k, au. dean’s an insomniac and cas works at walmart. i forgot i had this fic ALSO basically memorized. holy shit. pineapple in the fruit aisle.....................anyway it’s short and sweet and the “plot” resolves in such a satisfying way

When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

incredibly single & ready to mingle by imogenbynight, 3.6k, au. dean and cas meet on facebook. short cute au!!!!!!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

💖 unknown quantities by xylodemon, 8.5k, post-s8. after a post-case tryst, dean has to figure out his and cas’ relationship. human cas fics hold a special place in my heart. funny AND good dean pov AND a misunderstanding that i actually think works!!!!!

No one ever tells Dean anything.

(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

#spn fic #spn #dean x cas #this is horrifically long actually.

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crowleyellestair · 4 years

Note

Oh please post the other things you wrote for the accidental hit, I’d hate for you to go through all that work just to not post them

AN// Well, Im glad you liked the first one : ) Here’s a couple others!

Prompt: What would happen if Geralt accidentally happened to hit the reader

When the first touch came, Geralt hadn’t reacted. He thought it best to act completely docile. He might have lost most of his senses to whatever potions he had been forced to take, but he still had his wits about him.

The witcher knew he was in a cell, as the first time ‘round they had only taken his sense of smell. It seemed he was to be on display. Before his captors noticed, he saw how lush the small area he was confined to was. He could also hear others prattling around in rooms next to him. The face paced heartbeats of other humanoid beings, but most likely creatures of different elk. The people who had taken him must have been used to the effects, as the lithe woman who frequented his bars knew right away upon looking into his eyes that he was fully functional. The next to go was his hearing. It was a shame it wasn’t taste, as the slop they fed him was rejuvenating, but was the worst thing to ever grace his tongue. It had been about a week, he guessed since he was captured. A day or two since the only thing he could do was feel his surroundings.

The surprise he felt when hands gently touched him covered only an inkling of anger. It wasn’t borne out of self-pity of a witcher being caught, nor was it because they’ve tried to reduce him to nothing. No. It was because he was taken on the way back to camp. It had been a ten-day contract keeping him from Y/n. Wonderful, gorgeous Y/n, who always waited patiently for his return. Foolishly, his love blinded him, and he started to promise her he would return. Now, he’d be eating sludge for the rest of his days, while also breaking a promise to the most important person in his life. A century of dull skies with the only burst of light being her, and now he’s ruined it. If he had made it back, would she ever forgive him? Of course, that was only if she was okay to begin with. Geralt trusted her sense of survival, and he’d spent hours trying to teach her important skills, but he doesn’t trust the world around them. Y/n would be fine, but there are countless external factors that could harm her. She was in the woods with the bard for ten days as it was. It was already pushing the limits.

Geralt had decided at the beginning of this ordeal that he wouldn’t live through this for himself. He would get free for her. Even if she was upset that he left her, she deserves a spoken apology. Jaskier had deserved one on the mountains, and he wasted so much time denying that fact. It was only recently that the man came back into his life, and even if Y/n didn’t remain, she shouldn’t live with anger she didn’t need.

His suspicions of being on display went through the window when the slightly calloused hands touched him, but it hadn’t mattered. Act docile, and wait till he can feel something important. What is important? He doesn’t know yet, but he has something to fight for. He’ll get out. He tried his damndest to not flinch when those hands cupped his cheeks, and turned him- inspected him. Geralt remembered seating himself on the far end of the bed, which means who ever was there with him must be in the actual cell. He felt the breath of whomever it was push against his skin, alluding to someone out of breath, or emotionally rampant. Prickles of hair ends could be felt on his arm as the person tried in vain to throw in over their shoulders. Once he felt another pair of hands, with callused finger tips, he struck.

The heel of his palm went against the nose of the first person, and they fell out from under his arm. The second scribbled his hands against his chest and back, trying to find their grip. Geralt was confused with how unorganized this whole operation was. How did they get him there in the first place with this? If these weren’t the same people, how could the leaders let such unprotected weaklings get close? Unless, of course, he was meant to hurt them. The thought slowed him down, but he was still on the defensive. The hands on his chest and back stopped as he did, only slightly pushing him against the bed. As if suggesting he should calm down. The long fingers reminded him of his old friend, but that only set him more on edge. Geralt felt a bottle touch his lower lip, and he started to move, until stunned into one spot. A familiar flick against his nose shocked him, and a hand from before grabbed his. The size of the hand was the same as Y/n’s, the calluses becoming familiar. The small, squarish vial was one of his, and it narrowed the options. Joy soared through him as one of the options from his chest was White Honey. If anyone knew what to give Geralt immediately, it would be Y/n. He remembered the first time he crawled back to her half-conscious, unable to instruct her. He heard her frantic voice think out loud, and it echoed through him now.

‘White Honey first to flush, then Swallow to save.’

He brought the bottle to his lips and downed it as quick as possible. He handed the vial back as ringing started to throb through his skull. Y/n’s hand brought his back to hers, which now held swallow, but didn’t give it to him directly. Her wit was something he admired about her, and this was making his heart soar with pride. Instead of forcing him to take it, she was waiting. She would have no idea when the toxins would be flushed enough for him to take the new potion. Take it too fast, and the Honey would flush that too.

Pain rippled through him, everything invading his senses at once, but both Y/n and what he assumes is Jaskier hold him. The first thing he wished to see was Y/n, safe, yet her nose looked crooked and blood poured past her chin. A bright smile spread, red teeth flashing past her lips once she saw recognition in his eyes. Her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, and he hugged back, seeing the smiling visage of his bard. The lute player’s hand lightly cupped the back of the witchers head before walking out of the bars, looking around. Geralt pushed her away slightly to take in her apparent broken nose, the realization setting in once he remembered his escape movements. He was the one to break her nose.

His fear must have been apparent as her smile dropped, and her hands cupped his cheeks once more.

“Hey, it’s okay. I thought you were out of it. I should have checked further.”

“I should have recognized your hands.”

“Darling, you had no senses other than touch. I’m sure it would be difficult. Plus, you had no idea we were coming.” Geralt noticed his potions carry-bag slung over her shoulder. He reached in, grabbing the bandages, slowly dabbing around her nose. Y/n chuckled lightly before stopping his hand. “You’re kind, but we need to get out first.” The witcher scolded himself, as he was so focused at what was in front of him, that he didn’t evaluate if they were safe or not, and the likelihood is not. He didn’t know what he was- could do to make up for it, but he’d do anything for Y/n once they got far from wherever they were.

It was the third winter at Kaer Morhen, and Y/n was used to the routine. It was Friday, which meant that Geralt would stay late with his brothers drinking, and she would stay in their room. There had been too many instances of Lambert being upset by her intrusion on ‘guys night’, so she happily lounged in the large bed.

Tonight, however, had been very cold. Geralt was blessed with the best room out of the three younger witchers, though it was a weird layout. The hearth and chimney were on the same wall as the door, which happened to be the shortest walls of the abnormal, pentagonal room. One wall was a large door to a balcony, though usually the doors somehow kept the cold away. It seemed that this night might be a different story, though. What motivated her to curl up between the door and the fireplace was the need for warmth and a clear, relaxed mind. If she would have thought over the possible outcomes of sitting behind the door, she would have thought of something else. However, after some mindless sitting, she found that this was the warmest spot.

Y/n hadn’t a clue how much time had passed, or when she fell asleep, but she did know that the immense pain in her nose is what woke her. Her eyes snapped open to find a worried Geralt leaning over her, eyes full of fear, but a shaky, grin-less laugh. She could tell the effects of Lambert’s White Gull brew was still making him tipsy, so she doesn’t fault him for the laughing.

His hands went up to her cheeks, but his thumb pressed to hard near her nose, and her quiet, painful squeak made him recoil faster than she had ever seen. When she gritted out that it was okay, he practically fell on her in a bear hug, giving out broken apologies. Her own hand flew to her nose, and when she couldn’t see any blood, she knew she was fine. It took a while to convince him she was fine, and to get them both in bed. Once they were situated, Geralt continued to drunkenly nuzzle her neck and wrap himself like a vice around her. Despite her foolish mistake and his drunkenness, the hugs were nice. It was just a hint of what would happen tomorrow night when she would force him to cuddle sober and pain free.

Jaskier’s laugh echoed through the small clearing in the forest where they had set their camp up the night prior.

“I leave for one bath and you two finally sort thins out without an audience. That’s disappointing.” His amused tone made Y/n roll her eyes from her spot on her bed roll. An annoyed grunt could be heard from Geralt, who was frantically searching through his saddle bag. When he found the cold waterskin, he walked to Y/n, gently handing it to her. He plopped down next to her as she brought it to her swollen bottom lip, and watched as she winced. When a scandalized gasp left the bard, Geralt shook his head, but kept his focus on the woman before him.

“Shut it, bard. It’s not what it looks like.” Jaskier’s hands flew to his hips, towel still laying over his head as he was previously rubbing it dry.

“What it looks like, Geralt, is that you are a brute in bed. Be gentle, my friend, gentle. You’ll get much farther next time if you remember that simple thing.” Cornflower blue eyes darted to their female companion as she huffed.

“Geralt was having a nightmare, and I tried to wake him up gently. He got up fast, I was too close, and his head collided with my lip. It hit my teeth, that is why it’s swollen.” The bard also plopped onto his bedroll, looking at the embarrassed witcher. His gaze darted back to her as his brow raised.

“I told you that you need to use a stick-.”

“He’s not an actual wolf, Jaskier. It was an accident, it’s fine.” And it was, truly. Hell, the woman felt bad as he could see the internal war happening on the witcher’s face over his guilt. When both men said ‘no it’s not’ in unison, however, she huffed and fell back against her roll. She knew Jaskier was teasing the man, but he wasn’t helping Geralt steer clear of self-hatred, which would mess up the hard work she had put into it so far.

#witcher imagine #witcher x reader #geralt x reader #geralt imagine #geralt x y/n

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sauntered-vaguely-downward · 4 years

Text

Flight. Loki x Reader.

SO HEY! Its been a while. Uni is hard guys like damn so much work! But anyways, lockdown is happening in the Uk So im bored and procrastinating on my last essay so here have this slightly shitty loki x reader.

“I do not wish to go anymore, I think perhaps I would be better if I stayed here, help Banner with the computers and intel,” Loki protested. “I’m sure I would be more use here than wherever it is you’re going off to in that… that… metal bird.”

“Oh no no no… I am not leaving you alone in my building,” Tony snapped. “You are coming with us so we always know where you are, I do not trust you one bit not to destroy my building.”

“Thanks for looking out for me Tony,” Bruce sighed. “Loki your skills are needed in the field, you won't be of much use to me here, I need to focus on the screens and well… you struggle with technology as simple as the fridge, I don’t quite think you’ll be much help when it comes to the computers.”

“But I do not want to go… not on that thing,” Loki pointed to the jet they were loading with gear, not hiding his disgust at the metal bird before him. Now Loki may have been a god, a god who had travelled from planet to planet, through time and space, but he was not a god who was accustomed to the ways of travel here on earth.

When Loki had first returned to earth after his attempt at taking control of its people, he had managed to avoid using the methods of travel the humans used as much as possible. His first experience was on a bus. He hadn’t much liked this, one because he found there were far too many people around him, and two the driver seemed to aim for the holes in the road rather than avoid it. His second experience had been worse. He’d been travelling with Thor from one side of the city to the other by the subway. The first couple of stops were fine, but as more people joined and the gaps became further apart, Loki began to feel far too overheated, his head spun trying to make sense of all the sounds around him, and before the doors were open at his stop, his stomach began to churn so much he could no longer hold in its contents. Loki had other experiences with travel of the mortals all of which he found rather displeasing, but this was to be his first experience with any form of aircraft, aside from when he had been captured but he had been far too preoccupied at the time to focus on the jet or worry.

Loki simply did not want to get on the jet before him. He had no faith in the humans, and thought it highly unlikely they would be able to build a craft that would hold all of the team in the air for the duration of their trip. Loki didn’t particularly want to meet his end through crash landing in some godforsaken land.

“You scared of a little plane?!” Tony mocked, not being able to contain the joy and laughter that escaped him at the thought of the mighty Loki being scared of a little jet. “Ha, not so amazing are you?”

“Hey cut it out Tony,” a voice called from inside. Y/N came out, carrying with her her own crate needed for the mission. Steve rushed to her side to assist her, taking the crate and loading it alongside the other boxes already inside the jet.

“Nice to see you’ve finally joined us,” Clint smirked, knowing full well Y/N had overslept again, something that happened on the regular.

“Shut it,” she smirked back. “Tony don’t be a dick alright? If you’re not used to flying like this it can be scary alright, I doubt anyone here wasn’t scared the first time they got on a plane, you included, so leave Loki alone otherwise you can deal with me.” Tony knew not to test this out. Y/N was nowhere near as scary as Nat, but that didn’t make her as deadly. Y/N had the power of mind control and reading, and anytime anyone annoyed her she didn’t stop herself from sharing their deepest darkest secrets. Last time Clint had wrong her the whole team had not only watched him dance like a chicken for thirty minutes, but had learnt that in order to sleep he had a little blanket he liked to rub against his nose.

“Thank you,” Loki smiled softly. Y/N had always been so kind to Loki, he was never too sure why, it wasn’t as if he deserved it. She always had his back, helped him understand things and had the patience to keep helping evening when he took a while to understand. She was always the first to volunteer to spar with him, happily taking him on with or without his powers.

Loki hadn’t ever felt a connection as close as he felt with her, everytime she was near his heart felt a little bigger in his chest, its rate increasing with every breath he took. He hadn’t ever experienced a feeling like this, and certainly not towards a mortal woman, but he knew what it meant.

“That’s alright sweetie,” she smiled, coming to his side while they waited for the rest of the packing to be done. “How about you sit beside me on the jet, it’s a bit of a long flight but I’ve brought some little travel games. Personally its not the flight itself that bothers me its having to listen to Thor and Clint discuss who has bigger muscles.”

“We do not do that!” Clint barked.

“Although if we were to have that conversation it would certainly be me,” Thor said quietly, earning himself a grin from both Y/N and Loki.

Y/N and Loki boarded the plane when it was ready, and as agreed Y/N had sat beside him. From her little bag she pulled out a small plastic box.

“It’s travel checkers. I also have travel connect four if we get that bored… oooh and pen and paper to play hangman and that box game…”

“Sounds like a wonderful distraction to me,” Loki was not too interested in the games she had brought with her, although he was grateful she had, no he was more interested in the woman that sat beside him. The best disraction was not going to come from moving small magnetic checkers pieces around a board or haning a man if she spelt his word wrong, no the best distraction for him would simply be listening to her talk and knowing she was by his side.

The pair played most of the games for the duration of the fight, and so far Loki had not once thought about the fear of flying he had once possessed. Y/N made for a wonderful companion to have on a worrying trip so he had felt most at ease for the most part of the journey.

“Hey guys,” Steve called over his shoulder from his position in the pilots seat. “The next bits going to get a bit rough, just hold tight.”

He wasn’t lying. The small craft began to feel as though it was being hurtled through the sky by an unknown force that made it bounce up and down along the clouds. Loki instinctively hung onto the arms of his seat feeling as though his whole body was being shaken around inside a glass bottle. Even the other Avengers, seasoned flyers, felt queasy as the plane hurtled forward.

Loki tried a breathing technique Y/N had taught him for when he got mad, however the repetitive in and out seemed to not help at all.

Y/N, who like the rest of the team was struggling with the constant jumping of the plane, remained as calm as possible. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Loki’s hands gripping so tight on the armrest that his already pale hands became as white as snow. His panicked breaths echoed around her. Without thinkin about it, wanting only to help the man beside her, she placed one hand on top of his, tightly enough so he would know she was there, and with the other pulled his face around to face hers.

“Hey, Loki,” Y/n said sweetly, looking at him as his eyes remained tightly shut. She couldn’t help the little jump in her chest as she looked at him. Y/N had taken a liking to him and hated seeing him like this. She would do everything in her power to help him get through this. “Hey, look at me sweetie.”

Loki did as instructed, his panic lessening as he looked into her eyes, getting lost in them as if they were their own star system.

“That’s it,” she smiled softly, trying to assure him it was going to be okay and not show her own worry as the plane continued to be thrown around the sky. “It’s okay I promise, this is normal okay, it’s just because of the bad winds today okay. This plane is the best out there and will get us there safely okay.”

“Okay, okay…” Loki breathed, trying his very best to focus on her. His eyes traced the lines of her face, studied every freckle, every stray hair from her bun. Loki realised just how beautiful she was right now, seeing her completely for the first time. Just as his breathing began to slow, Steve made another announcement.

“We’ve got to make an emergency landing, were in a storm, hold tight… it’s going to get worse.”

Instantly Loki began to panic again, his hand gripped Y/N’s as his breaths began to quicken once more. Y/N watched as he once again shut his eyes tight and the fear began to radiate off him again. She had to try and help him, she hated seeing him like this, she needed to take his mind off it. Without thinking it through, Y/N leant forward and pressed her lips against his firmly to try and bring him back, to take his mind off the panic. As his lips remained still against hers, she suddenly realised how this was perhaps not the best method of distraction. She went to pull away when his lips began to move against hers.

The panic of the plane hurtling to the ground began to fade, instead his body began to react to the sensation of her lips being pressed against his. His chest remained tight, but this time it was because of her, the way he made her feel in his heart. His facial expressions began to soften and he let go of his tight grip on her hand to allow it to find her cheek.

As their focus became just each other, both allowing the kiss to become more than just a distraction, the plane began to slow, finally coming into land. Neither noticed as they reached safely until Tony cleared his throat.

“Can I be the first to say ew? Your reaction to our plane potentially going down was to kiss?” He chuckled.

“Shut it Tony, you peed yourself a little during that so you can hardly talk,” Y/N bite back, reading his thoughts as he mocked them. Tony soon shut up. “Sorry I shouldn’t of just kissed you, that was probably kind of weird for you,” she said quietly so only Loki could hear.

“No, don't apologise,” Loki smiled, taking her hand in both of his, “I’m not the best with interaction, particularly with mortals, but you make me feel something I haven’t before, that kiss made me feel it even more… I wouldn’t mind you using it to distract me more often.”

“That can be arranged,” she smiled, leaning in once more so their lips joined. Perhaps that was the best distraction method she could find after all.

#loki x reader #loki #loki odinson #loki odison x reader #reader #reader insert #avengers #avengers x reader #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Laufeyson x Reader #fanfic #endgame #infinity war

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carmenxjulia · 5 years

Note

do you ever just think about how carmen's first reaction after hearing julia's voice in the fashion caper went from mild surprise to a smile? or how after she quickly disarmed julia, she gently put her gun back in her coat. or how carmen grabbed julia's hand? or how she made julia iin charge of her group despite barely knowing her? im still thinking about it and i cant fully explain why these small moments are so good? can you, please?

Absolutely. You’re talking to a person who created a 20,000 word fanfic based on a 45 second interaction. You want a Carmen and Julia analysis? I’d say you’ve come to the right place.

Yes, I do think about that scene a lot.

Let us begin.

Last season, Carmen and Julia interacted for less than a single minute. In that time, Carmen came to know and trust her enough to pass off the Magna Carta to her for safekeeping. And Julia got to have a real conversation with someone who was an international criminal and by some, might have even been branded as dangerous.

But Julia had always believed in her innocence and clung to the idea that there was more to each theft that most people didn’t see. Carmen leaving the Magna Carta was solid proof towards her theory that Carmen was one of the good guys. And it was a show of goodwill, a symbol of trust, that Carmen was banking on Julia doing the right thing and not taking full credit for its safe return (at least among her colleagues).

Then we get to season 2. Julia has, almost inexplicably, doubled down on her insistence that Carmen Sandiego is doing good in the world and is not actually a criminal at all. From the very first moment that we see her, she is trying prove her innocence. She asks Chase to wake up so that he can clear her name. She tries everything she can to wake him, and we as the audience are made to think it’s because she is concerned for his well-being… until the scene ends with, “we need you to tell us that she did not do this to you.”

Now, while I’m sure Julia would never wish death or permanent damage to Chase, she’s not trying to wake him because she particularly cares about him. He was rude and selfish and constantly dismissed her and yeah, Julia is the type of person who would still care after all that (refer to the first sentence of this paragraph), but it’s really really important to recognize that she’s not there for him. She’s there on behalf of Carmen.

So, what does that have to do with “The Fashionista Caper”?

We, the audience, are privy to Julia’s private conversations with Chief and other members of A.C.M.E. We get to see her defending Carmen, over and over, in the episodes leading up to episode 4. It’s not just speculation anymore! In Season 1, Julia had her theories, but was actively open to being proven wrong when provided with evidence to the contrary of her hunches. In Season 2, she is certain she’s right, and she stands by her belief that Carmen is good.

Carmen doesn’t see/hear any of that. She has literally no idea Julia has been defending her behind her back. No idea just how hard Julia has been fighting to clear her name with A.C.M.E. Not a single clue how conflicted Julia actually is, with having a job to do versus wanting to stand by the facts right in front of her.

She doesn’t see Julia again after the train incident (“The Chasing Paper Caper”) until they meet in Italy (”The Fashionista Caper”). All Carmen knows is that Julia is not as hellbent on catching her as Chase was, and that the Magna Carta were returned safely.

We, the audience, have a front row seat to watch Julia go from shaky theories to boldly proclaiming Carmen Sandiego is not who everyone thinks she is, despite seeming to be the only person who actually believes that.

Legitimately, Carmen has very little reason to trust Julia other than a gut feeling. There is no explanation for not only roping her into the caper, but immediately giving Julia her gun back and fully trusting she wouldn’t use it. Any other agent would have ignored Carmen’s request for help and gassed her right then and there. Carmen just inherently knows Julia is different.

We actually see an example of this just a few moments earlier. When Agent Zari tells Carmen to freeze, Carmen sets the gun off and turns it on her right away. When Julia shows up and demands more or less the same thing, the two have a little back and fourth banter. Carmen, no doubt, notes Agent Argent’s hesitation.

Carmen’s surprise no doubt came from her not expecting another agent, or at least, not expecting an agent to give her a chance to respond. Whereas Zari wasn’t afraid to get up close and point the gun directly at her face, Julia is standing quite far off. It probably took Carmen a moment to register who was speaking to her, and once she realized it was Julia, she relaxed, and smiled.

Julia helped her before, with the Magna Carta. So, why not seek her help more directly? Test the waters with the one agent who was willing to give her the time of day.

Not only that, but undoubtedly Carmen was re-formulating her plan to include Julia in it, right at that very moment. Honestly, the whole thing went far better with 4 people instead of the initial 3 (Carmen, Ivy, and Zack). So Carmen was probably like ‘oh hey that very reasonable agent from the train that I can probably count on to help me out if I also present myself as a sane and reasonable person.’ And then it actually worked.

But we can dissect this small change in her expression even further. Carmen is genuinely happy to see her/hear her voice. Not just because she knows Julia is raw and untrained and easily disarmed, no. Upon their first meeting, Carmen gave her the nickname “Jules”. In fact, Carmen has literally never spoken her full name, “Julia”. Even when passing off leadership in front of Ivy and Zack, Carmen still sticks to the Jules nickname. She doesn’t do this with anyone else. (Sure, Player is “Player”, but that’s purely upon his own request.) Maybe this is a reach, but, it feels like this indicates a completely different type of relationship and level of intimacy that Carmen shares with Julia and no one else.

Getting back on track.

Carmen probably took her hand as an extra precaution to prevent Julia from deciding to whip out her gun again. I mean, sure, it was also faster and easier to lead her by holding her hand. But also consider that the gun was holstered against her left hip, making it awkward to try to maneuver around her jacket with her left hand to try and grab it. With her right hand occupied, it would have taken too long for her to pull it out again, even if she’d tried. Honestly, taking her hand was the most practical action in this scenario, even if it was a bit intimate. It doesn’t have to mean anything, but it can.

It is also worth noting that although Julia believes Carmen is on the same side as A.C.M.E., she is probably rightfully confused starting from the moment Carmen takes her gun and then doesn’t gas her.

Julia’s orders from A.C.M.E. were to capture Carmen Sandiego in order to protect the Medici gowns. So when it turned out Carmen wasn’t planning to take the gowns, Julia had to decide that saving the dresses overruled the order to capture Carmen. The original mission she was given changed in a matter of seconds, making her have to pick a priority (Carmen or dresses). It also gave her an opportunity to work with Carmen and show A.C.M.E. she’d been right all along. But Julia, much like Carmen, had to trust her gut about this woman she barely knew, but had the utmost faith in.

As far as putting Julia in charge of getting the gowns to safety, that was probably the easiest decision of the evening for either of them. Carmen already knows Julia is one of the good guys. She doesn’t need to question her motives, at all. Not only that, but as mentioned above, Julia had already proven she could be trusted by ensuring the safe return of the Magna Carta.

Carmen knew V.I.L.E. wouldn’t be far behind, and dividing her attention could have been disastrous for the mission overall. I mean, she’s Carmen Sandiego, so, she could have probably handled it. But it was a much smarter move to put Julia in charge. She knew that Ivy and Zack were better at taking orders than giving them. She knew Player wouldn’t be able to coordinate well enough from his location. Carmen needed someone on the ground, right there, right then. Julia was available.

One final piece of this scene, that although it was not mentioned in the original ask, I feel is worth noting. Julia is actively worried about Carmen Sandiego’s safety. She outright asks, “what about you?” when Carmen instructs the others to get the gowns to safety. Why should she care? Her mission, saving the Medici’s, is about to be complete. She’s about to really and truly prove herself to A.C.M.E. by being the agent responsible for saving the gowns. And yet she pauses, wanting to ensure Carmen is safe before she goes anywhere. A person that is supposed to be her enemy, although Julia has never truly believed that.

This is followed by Carmen pushing Julia back, not only urging her to leave with the gowns and Carmen’s own team, but moving her further away from danger as well as physically putting her body between Julia and potential harm. There are smashing sounds coming from the ceiling; clearly something bad is on its way. As usual, Carmen puts the safety of her friends before her own, which is a completely new experience for Julia. She is getting to see a caring and protective side of the super thief, one she was previously unaware of. Even for someone she barely knows, she’s willing to put her life on the line to save that of someone else.

And finally, even after Julia runs after Ivy and Zack, she turns back one last time to see how Carmen is doing. She doesn’t want to leave her behind, but ultimately realizes she has no choice. She certainly wouldn’t be any use in a fight. Plus, her number one objective is to save the gowns. Carmen Sandiego is probably going to get away. But the items she was sent to protect are now in A.C.M.E. hands. Job well done.

But Julia is left with the knowledge that Carmen Sandiego played an integral part in the success of the mission. She and Zari could not have saved the gowns alone (especially with the knowledge that Carmen was being attacked). Carmen Sandiego did in fact steal things- but it was to get the jump on another person or organization before they could do so themselves, smuggling the valuables away and returning them at a later date. Just as was the pattern Carmen laid out in Season 1.

Julia not only had her long-standing theory validated, but she got to see just how self-sacrificing Carmen could be. Putting herself in harms way while everyone else was encouraged to find somewhere safer. For someone labeled as a criminal, that was probably completely unexpected. Among a multitude of other unexpected things that had just happened. But that one may have been the most surprising.

All in all, there is a lot to say about this scene, and I could honestly go through it frame by frame and write a comprehensive essay. But hopefully this will sufficiently answer your query, and if not, feel free to send another ask.

#Carmen Sandiego #asks #anonymous #text #Carmen X Julia #Carmelia #Carmen #Julia Argent #Carulia #JuleThief #Carjules

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brvdleymilligan · 4 years

Text

HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops.

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

#parkway.intro #abuse tw #death tw #drugs tw #hospitalisation tw #alcoholism tw #depression tw #i believe tht covers it...........#FLINGS this like a harpoon

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sweets-fanfics · 4 years

Text

Homecoming 23

Title: Oh, give me a break

Wordcount: 2725

Chapter summary: Reader needs a fuckin break

Tags: @rollyjogerjones @bubbles2465

AN: Im sorry its late *bows*

_____________

Arthur had woken me up early a few days later to say he, Bea and Jack were going to go a bit down the river and fish. I had barely nodded and said yes before falling asleep again. Arthur had smirked and kissed my forehead before the three headed out for the day.

When I woke up later in the morning I put my arms up over my head and stretched. I glanced at the entrance feeling someone was standing there. And sure enough. My day was ruined.

“What Micah?” He was leaning on the wagon our tent is connected to and had a smile on his dirty face.

“I just thought I’d come to see how you slept, Princess.” The sincere-ness in his voice made me want to gag.

“It was good till I saw your face just now.”

“So… how are you and Morgan?” I eyed him as I slipped my shoes on over my jeans.

“We are happily married, Mr. Bell.” I retort in a deadpan tone. “Why?”

“Well, I’ve been speakin’ to your brother and father…”

“Oh god..” I mumble over him.

“We think the Morgan may not be the man for you.”

“And since when do I care about your opinion?” I lean in to look in Arthur's mirror to comb and braid my hair.

“Well… because you and cowpoke didn’t legally get married.”

“Micah. I have stuff I have to do today so spit it out.”

“Calm down woman, I’m gettin’ to it.”

I roll my eyes and push past him towards the coffee. To my dismay, he follows.

“Your brother and father and I think it’ll be best you be with someone else.” I throw my head back and let out a loud laugh.

“Since when do I give a damn about any of y'alls opinion of my love life. You aren’t even my family so I, even more, give no shits about you.” I took a sip of my coffee letting it wake me up.

“Well, your father and brother think you should be with someone like me.” I choked on my coffee and spit at him getting his face and shirt. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Why would anyone curse a poor woman to be with you? God ain’t that cruel.” I finished my cup and started back for my tent.

Micah grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “I already got your daddy’s permission.” He smirked.

Before my mind could even register I socked him in the nose making him fall back into the dirt. “Keep your nasty hands off me.” I turned towards Dutch’s tent where he was hiding. “How about you go to hell with trying to marry me off to this fucking asshole.”

“Daughter…” He started but I cut him off.

“No. I’m married. Not only am I married, but we also have a daughter. I’m not going to ever give Micah the time of day.” I turn towards him still on the floor. “Come near me, Arthur or my daughter again I’ll kill you.” As I turned on my heels back to the tent I saw Arthur with his jaw dropped and Bea in his arms. “Come on, Arthur. Let’s go.”

“Where are you goin’ wifey?” Micah asks getting up. “To look at those properties that rich ass is going to give you?”

I stop for a moment before pulling out my pistol and aiming it an inch from his head. “You fucking piece of shit.”

“What properties?” Dutch asks walking up. Henry is behind him too.

Arthur walks up with Bea still in one arm and has his pistol ready just in case. “It’s nothin’ Dutch,” Arthur says.

“You used to trust me, Arthur. You used to be my brother!” Dutch steps forward and I can see Henry has a gun out. Everyone else in camp is frozen not knowing whether to get involved or not. “You have become such a different person.”

“I think it’s best you let us go cool our heads. I don’t want to break a family apart but I insist. It’s the best thing at the moment.”

“You Insist?” Dutch says in disbelief. I feel like at that moment he may shoot Arthur right away, but thankfully, he doesn’t. Instead, he turns towards me. “I don’t want you to leave. I’ve only had you and your brother in my life for a small amount of time. I’m just doing what I think is best.”

“What you think is best? Or what this rat says is best.” I push the barrel closer. Micah just smirks at me, never moving his eyes away.

“I know you and Arthur just want Bea to have a safe life. Arthur probably wants to protect her more since he already lost a child.”

I stumble a bit and glance at Arthur. “What’s he talkin’ about?”

Arthur isn’t able to look me in the eye. “I… It’s nothing...”

“Daughter… let’s not hurt Micah. Especially if you want to keep me happy.”

“Not entirely, right now,” I mumble.

“And let’s forget about those properties. Your place is with us.” I let out a groan and put my gun away before grabbing Bea from Arthur and heading towards Suzie. “Where are you going?”

“Away from this damn camp.”

Bea looks at me confused as I put her on Suzie and climb up. Arthur hurries up and looks at me. “Y/N, hold on. Let me grab Athena and we can go somewhere”

“Not right now, Arthur. You usually tell people you have a family with that you are already a father.”

“Y/N, wait.” I roll my eyes and turn Suzie away.

“I’m going to go check on Charlotte. Maybe you can come to find us when you decide you wanna tell me everything.”

____________

It was late afternoon when I rode up to Charlotte’s property. I could hear pops of a gun and when Bea and I stopped I saw Charlotte trying to aim a repeater at some bottles. She fired but nothing shattered. There was a soft breeze that was carrying over mist from the giant waterfall nearby. Every time she tried to fire the gun birds would scare and fly away from the trees that surrounded the small farm.

I hopped off with Bea and walked up to her. “Miss Charlotte?” I say to make myself known so she doesn’t get scared.

She glances over her shoulder and smiles. “Y/N, how lovely. I was hoping you’d visit.”

“What are you up to?” I glance at the bottles all lined up and smile.

“I’m feeling much better after your help so I decided to try my husband’s gun. However, my prey seems very unscathed.” She sighs and puts the butt of the gun in the dirty with the barrel facing up.

I take the gun and flip it around making her smile. “I could show you if you need help.”

“Oh, that would be lovely.”

I put Bea down and she wanders to look at flowers nearby. “Well first,” I put her arms up and straighten them out to the correct position to fire her repeater. She looks at herself as I put the repeater in her hands and point at the bottles. “Alright stay just like that. You are going to take a deep breath and fire on the release. Always shoot on empty lungs.”

She adjusts herself a bit and then takes a deep breath before firing and hitting the wooden crate the bottles were on making them shake a bit. “Wow. That’s the closest it’s been all day.”

“Good. Now try again.” I step back a bit and give her some space as she follows my instructions and fires making a bottle shatter. We both jump in delight as we look at the glass.

“I did it!” Charlotte cheers.

“Great job.”

“How about you try, Mrs. Morgan? I bet you are a great shot.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Arthur is probably better at it than me.”

She simply smiles and hands me the gun. “Go on, my pride won’t be hurt if you are a better shot than my weak work.”

I huff a laugh and take the repeater in my hands. I look at the bottles that are left and I finally take a deep breath and fire twice making two bottles shatter. Charlotte jumps up and smiles. As I turn and look at her I see Bea is also cheering and dancing. “Oh my! I’m never able to reload the gun that fast.”

“Practice I guess.”

“You know what? I still have some of that rabbit. How about you both come in and have some.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose…”

Bea pulls on my pants leg and gives a soft, “I’m hungry.”

Charlotte giggles, “I guess that settles it then.” I pick up Bea and follow Charlotte inside the cabin. She motions for us to sit at her table before turning to grab some bowls.

“If I may ask, how did your husband pass?”

She stops for a moment and sighs, “He was attacked by a bear, he survived and then passed from his injuries a few days later.” There’s an awkward silence as she places bowls in front of me and Bea. She puts a tiny bit of stew in Bea’s bowl and a bigger serving in mine.

“I’m so sorry.”

“He was extremely optimistic. So am I, I guess. I thought I’d be a little wife in the garden and writing the next great novel.” She smiles to herself as if thinking of a fond memory.

“That sounds like a nice life. But I’m not sure this area is the place for that.” I take a small sip of the stew.

“I see that now. My husband and I were raised with a silver spoon in Chicago.”

“Are you going to go back?”

“No, like my husband I’m very hardheaded when it comes to giving up. I believe I’ll get through this. Especially now with your help.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re willing to give it a fair shot.” There was a soft knock on the door. Charlotte looks at the door confused and I sigh. “He was faster than I thought,” I mumble.

Charlotte gets up and opens the door slowly. “Oh. Mr. Morgan come in.” She opens the door wider and he walks in while taking off his hat. His eyes look a little red and puffy but he tries to hide at as his eyes land on both me and Bea.

“Daddy!” Bea jumps from her chair and runs to Arthur with her arms wide.

“Hi, little Bea. Let me talk to your Mama and then we’ll play, okay?”

Charlotte takes Bea’s hand and leads her to the table. “How about we finish our food while the talk, yes?” Bea smiles and follows her willingly while I step out on to the porch.

Arthur follows and shuts the door behind him. He takes my hand and we sit on the bench that sits on the porch. There is a long silence before he clears his throat. “After Mary left me I met a waitress named Eliza. I don’t believe we ever had any feelings between us, it was more of a one night stand. She was a young girl I never thought it would mean nothin’. But I found out later she was pregnant. His name was Issac. I tried to step up and be a father. I would visit every month and stay for a few days. Leave them some money... Then one day I arrived and there were two crosses outside the house… And I knew they were gone.” Arthur gets quiet. I squeeze his hand.

“Arthur, I…” I can feel tears starting to build up.

“Don’t say you’re sorry. I should have told you.” His arms wrap around me as he pulls me into a hug. I hug him back and kiss his shoulder. “I don’t want to lose you two like I lost them.”

“You won’t lose us, Arthur…”

The door cracks open and Bea’s little face peeks out, “My food is done.” She mumbles.

“Good girl,” I smile as she runs and sits between me and Arthur.

“Is your talk done?” She asks him.

“Yeah, I just had to say sorry to Mama, I was bad earlier.” She looks at him a bit shocked. “I love you, Y/N.”

I smile and lean over to give him a quick kiss, “I love you too.”

_______________

I refused to go to the camp when Arthur asked. I didn’t want Bea around my father or Micah. Arthur sighed and looked out over the lake we were sitting at. Bea was passed out in Arthur’s lap snoring softly. Her soft dark hair felt like silk as I combed her hair from her face.

“Well, where you gonna go?”

“Maybe Luka’s home… I don’t feel safe around my father and I really don’t think you should go back either.”

Arthur scratches the scar on his chin and sighs, “I have to do that damn job with Micah and Bill.”

“Do you what Dutch is planning?”

“No… and I’m really worried about it.” We look at each other quietly. “If the time comes you take Bea and run.”

“What about you?” I could see the sadness in his eyes.

“I’ll join you when I can safely get away.”

“Arthur no, if we run we are doing it together. I won’t leave you.”

He leans in and kisses me softly before pulling back and smiling. “I love you so damn much. But if it comes down to me or you…. It’s always going to be you.”

“Arthur…”

“Don’t Arthur me… Do you understand me? This thing,” He points in the direction camp would be, “it’s all over. We gotta think about how to give Bea her best chance at life, even if that means she’s going to have only one parent.”

He reaches forward and wipes a tear I didn’t know I had. “Well… let’s just try to get away together, okay?” He smiles and nods before standing and shifting Bea so she was laying on his shoulder.

I take her and give her a soft squeeze before turning towards Suzie. “Promise you’ll be safe on that job?” I ask once more.

“I will,” He waves towards me as he climbs Athena. “So you’ll be in Saint Denise?” I nod as I get comfortable on Suzie. “Be safe please.”

“I will.”

___________

I spent four days at Luka’s home. And in those four days, I didn’t hear from Arthur once. I started to get extremely worried until I heard steps on the front porch making me run and swing the door open.

Arthur smiled as his shoulder relaxed and he pulled me into a tight hug and a long kiss. I instantly melted from his warmth. His rough lips smiled under mine. I wanted to take in his familiar scent but all I could smell was… Smoke?

I pull back and scrunch my nose. “Why do you smell like smoke?”

Arthur looks away guilty and scratches his chin, “Well…”

“Arthur Morgan what did you do?”

“Well, quite a bit happened over the past few days. I did that job with Micah, I helped Rainsfall again actually twice… and,”

“And?”

“John and I blew up a bridge…”

“You what?”

“Dutch wants to rob a train.”

“Y’all are too old to be trying to pull that kind of shit Arthur!” He chuckles a bit as he tries to calm me down.

“When are you gonna rob this supposed train?”

“In a few days. Dutch is trying to help the Wapiti tribe.”

“Why?”

“He says he feels for them, but I think he’s just gonna get those boys killed.”

I sigh, “Where is he?”

“He went to help them mess with some soldiers.”

I groan and turn in to the house. “Luka.”

Luka peeks out from his study. “Can you watch Bea? I have to get my father out of trouble.”

“Of course.” Before he even finishes I shut the door and hurry for Suzie with Arthur close behind.

“Y/N, these are US Army, I don’t think you should be getting involved.”

“I shouldn’t. But lets at least try to lengthen my father’s inevitable doom.”

Arthur smiles and joins me as we ride off.

#homecoming #rdr2 #rdr #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 fandom #rdr2 fic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x reader #dutch x daughter!reader #Dutch Van Der Linde #fanfiction #creative writing #writing

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badwolfwrites-sometimes · 4 years

Text

Drawn Together: Chapter 18

This baby is 1 year old today... I feel old

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923374/chapters/58649161

"Nonno, please!" Feliciano begged for what felt like a thousandth time that day. Ever since he learned about his grandpa's trip to Germany, he has been dead set on joining him. "Please, you know how much I want to see Germany."

Grandpa Rome resisted. He had no idea how long he would be staying in Germany in the first place, not wanting Feliciano to be away from his brothers for a long time. Plus, he had no idea if his company would even allow Feliciano to come with him. That's just extra money for hotel and food they have to give. "No, Feliciano. Plain visiting Germany isn't a good enough reason for you to come with me."

"But you can say I'm your unpaid intern and it would be a good opportunity for me." Feliciano argued. "Please let me come, Nonno."

"We'll talk later." Was the response Grandpa Rome gave him every time. Usually that later lasted about two minutes.

Feliciano sighed, deciding that this was all he was going to keep getting no matter how much he tried. He walked over to the couch where his brother and Antonio were watching TV. Antonio held back the giggle at Feliciano's dejected face. "No luck?" He asked.

Grabbing the nearest pillow, Feliciano shoved his face into it, murmuring something Antonio didn't quite understand. "Sorry?" Feliciano removed the pillow just enough for Antonio to be able to understand him properly. "I want to see Ludwig." He repeated.

Lovino rolled his eyes. "Maybe that's for the best. Usually when people who met online meet in real life, it's a disaster. He might rob you and-" A pillow flew into Lovino's face. Feliciano's eyes looked unusually on edge lately, even more whenever Lovino badmouthed his friend. This, however, didn't stop Lovino. "If it's war you want, war you'll get." He threw the pillow back at Feliciano before jumping on him.

Antonio had made a quick escape from the battle of pillows and wrestling. A battle to the last feather, to the last standing hair on their heads, to the last inch of skin left without a bruise, to-

"I'm going out!" Someone spoke, interrupting their fight. Both Feliciano and Lovino stopped fighting in order to shoot deadly stares into the one who dared delay their match. It was only Romeo. And Lovino thought it was something important. He was dressed up unusually nice, though.

"Where are you going?" Antonio beat both of the boys to the question on their minds.

"Marie is giving me math instructions." Romeo simply said, making his way to the door, only to be stopped by Grandpa Rome.

"Marie? Who is that?" Grandpa Rome asked, a teasing smile framing his face. "Does little Romeo have a girlfriend? Your very own little Juliet?"

Romeo rolled his eyes, palms growing sweaty. "She's my friend and she's very impatient so I really need to go."

"Tell Marie I said hi!" Feliciano yelled from the couch where he was still trapped by Lovino.

"Will do." Romeo answered back.

"Yes, tell your girlfriend we all said hi." Grandpa Rome laughed as Romeo exited the house, shaking his head at his weird family.

"Who even is this Marie?" Lovino asked.

"His girlfriend obviously." Grandpa Rome answered.

"Young love... That's so nice." Antonio sighed.

"We're in love too, idiot." Lovino remarked.

"Sorry."

"She's not his girlfriend. He has known her about as long as I know Ludwig." Feliciano chimed in, surprising everyone.

"You know her?" Lovino asked.

"Who is Ludwig?" Grandpa Rome asked.

"Feli, are you okay down there?" Antonio, the sensible one, asked.

"Peachy." Feliciano answered as Lovino finally stepped off from him so he could get comfortable on the couch. When everything was finally settled, they all gathered around him, Feliciano asked. "If I tell you what I know about her, will you let me come to Germany with you, Nonno?"

Whines and sighs came clashing together at Feliciano who smirked at his brain being a genius once in a while. He awaited his answer, unwilling to share his knowledge unless he got an approval.

"Feli, that's blackmailing." Antonio chimed in first.

"Really? This again? You horrible-" Lovino started.

"You're really dead set on going to Germany?" Grandpa Rome complained, interrupting Lovino before his swearing fuse could be set on fire.

As this kind of conversation went back and forth, Feliciano kept quiet while laughing on the inside. His family had a thing regarding curiosity for centuries, passing it from generation to generation, they just needed to know everything they were interested in at the moment. "Yes, yes, yes, unless you agree to let me come, I'm not saying anything." Feliciano finally spoke.

All eyes were dead set on Grandpa Rome, watching his every movement. Antonio was practically begging him with his eyes to agree to take Feliciano if it meant he would spill the beans. Lovino, on the other hand, was still as opposed to Feliciano going as he had been before, something he made vocally clear to his grandpa. Feliciano endured the insults, waiting patiently for his answer. All that pressure and curiosity was bad for Grandpa Rome's health. "Fine. I'll talk to the company, but will you please tell us."

Feliciano beamed with joy. Grandpa Rome's company wasn't all that strict when it came to family members tagging along. He knew because he witnessed it himself, a lot of workers had troubles separating from their families. Excitement filled his body, enough for him to ignore Lovino's complaints. He wanted to tell Ludwig about this so badly, but first, he had to complete his promise.

"Now will you tell us?" Antonio asked, growing impatient.

"I will, I will. Wait." Feliciano said, pointing at Lovino who was still ranting furiously. Antonio silenced him with a pat on the shoulder, taking his hand to hold until Lovino was completely calm.

Feliciano could now begin. "Her name is Anne Marie. He met her at the library one day after lessons. She studies math and is really smart. She's not Italian, but she came to study here because she didn't really fit in with the French girls. She's from Monaco, I think, and she's older than Romeo. I think he said she was around my age and she's also really pretty. I might have a picture..." Feliciano paused, quickly searching through his phone for a short while before giving up. Not a word was spoken during the entire time. "I can't find it now, but Romeo might show it to you when he comes back. They hang around a lot because she explains math to him and he teaches her chemistry. That's all I know."

Pause. Everyone took a bit of time to process everything Feliciano said. "So, she's not his girlfriend, but they hang out a lot? Sounds to me like they are im denial." Grandpa Rome spoke first, but before Feliciano could repeat once again that his brother wasn't dating his friend, he was shut down by Lovino and Antonio.

"Obviously. Unless Midget is gay as well." Lovino said.

"That's a rude nickname, Lovi. I think it's sweet that he has a friend who helps him out, but if they were dating she could help him out even more." Antonio chimed in.

"Like I said-" Feliciano tried once again, but in vain.

"Our little Romeo is growing up. Soon, he'll be married with kids and maybe that would get his head out of that science thing he has." Grandpa Rome looked ready to cry.

Feliciano noticed that any more attempts to clear the misunderstanding up would fail, so he texted Romeo what happened.

♡~Feli~♡: Sorry i told them about marie ♡~Feli~♡: On the plus side ill maybe go to germany!!!!! ♡~Feli~♡: Ill bring you presents as an apology and tell her i said hi

Romeo's reply came in rather quickly, letting Feliciano know that Romeo was still on his way to meet her.

☆MeoMeo☆: Dont worry bout it ☆MeoMeo☆: But do bring me presents

Feliciano laughed, the conversation about Romeo's life still ongoing. A perfect opportunity for Feliciano to slip back quietly to his-

"Oh yeah Feli, you mentioned some guy Louis, I think. Who is he?" Grandpa Rome remembered, catching Feliciano in his attempt to sneak out of the living room.

"Ludwig, actually. He's..." Feliciano trailed off, he hoped this question wouldn't pop out before they were on their way to Germany. Or at least, before he told Ludwig there was a chance he would come visit him. "My friend."

"Oh? Alright then. How did you meet?" Grandpa Rome asked.

"Internet." Before Feliciano could answer, Lovino interrupted him. Feliciano just gave him the stare, nobody in this family was going to let him speak normally today.

"Feli, we talked about strangers on the internet. You can't trust him." Grandpa Rome stared at him concerned, so much that Feliciano wanted to scream and tell them all about how kind Ludwig actually is. He kept quiet, fighting was always useless.

"He's not a stranger, Nonno. He's my friend's relative and a good person." He simply said, hoping his grandpa would understand and not press the issue anymore.

"Feli, I'm not having this conversation. I want you to stop talking to whoever that Louis guy is."

"Ludwig."

"Doesn't matter." Grandpa Rome raised his voice, something so rare Feliciano felt his knees weaken. "He could be a murderer and I don't want to have to bury you so young. Stop talking to him immediately."

For a moment there was heavy silence. Neither Feliciano nor Grandpa Rome spoke, leaving Antonio and Lovino just standing there awkwardly. Lovino almost regretted not keeping his mouth shut, seeing as Feliciano looked about ready to cry. 'It's for his own good,' was what he told himself.

Sucking back the tears, Feliciano nodded. "I'll be drawing in my room, call me when dinner is ready." And he retreated to the one safe place for him in the house, limping his way to it until his bed was before him. Grabbing Silence in Venice, he collapsed face down on the bed, seeing wet stars.

The buzz of Feliciano's phone woke him up. He had no memory of falling asleep, at least not while holding his favorite book, but as he saw the texter's name, everything came to him. Unlocking his phone, he was greeted with over 50 messages all from Ludwig.

Ludwig: So about that challenge Ludwig: I don't really know how to draw dogs well but they were acting cute today and so I hope you don't mind that instead of a drawing you got a picture

*Ludwig has sent 20 pictures*

Ludwig: I guess that is a bit too much

Feliciano kept scrolling and reading Ludwig's messages. Most of them were long ones detailing the entire day of his pets' life, but then they begun getting weird.

Ludwig: So i think about pigeons a lot Ludwig: They are really cool you knkw Ludwig: And like what if i was a pigeon you know what id do Ludwig: Id take my body trash out on every persons head Ludwig: Doesnt that sound super cool

These were the most recent ones and Feliciano suspected Ludwig probably got really drunk when he texted him those, although that didn't make much sense because it was barely 6 p.m. Nevertheless, as weird for Ludwig as they were, they made Feliciano smile.

♡~Feli~♡: Are you okay Ludwig

Ludwig: Ludwig Ludwig: Im not ludwig Ludwig: Im the great pigeon man the awesomest of all

Well, that was strange. Ludwig wasn't the type to use the word 'awesomest.' If anything, he usually complained about that word because his brother-

Feliciano realized what was going on here.

♡~Feli~♡: Gil is that you

Ludwig: You bet i am im gil the pigeon

♡~Feli~♡: Okay gil pigeon would you be a nice pigeon and give your brother pigeon his phone back

Ludwig: But we re having such a nice pigeon conversation Ludwig: He would ruin our pigeon time

♡~Feli~♡: I would rather text you from your own pigeon phone thats why

Ludwig: Oh why didnt pigeon you pigeon say so

♡~Feli~♡: Thats a lot of pigeons

Ludwig: Sure is Ludwig: I cant find my pigeon brother he probably got pigeon lost pigeon watching Ludwig: I want him to find a noce pigeon to take caer of him while i go on pigeon adventures

♡~Feli~♡: Thats really sweet of you pigeon gil

Ludwig: It sure is Ludwig: I found him hes pigeon asleep

♡~Feli~♡: Oh alright ♡~Feli~♡: Thank you pigeon gil

Ludwig: I woke him up and hes pigeon mad at me Ludwig: Goodbye my pigeon friend Ludwig: Sorry about that I swear I just took a nap and he is already so drunk

♡~Feli~♡: Dont be that was hilarious ♡~Feli~♡: Gil likes pigeons a lot

Ludwig: Yeah Ludwig: He watched a British culinary show where someone made pies out of pigeon meat and he has been angry about it ever since

♡~Feli~♡: Oh poor gil ♡~Feli~♡: Was it a good nap at least

Ludwig: It was short that is for sure Ludwig: I have been playing in the garden with the dogs all day so I am a little worn out Ludwig: How are you Ludwig: Will you be watching Eurovision tonight

♡~Feli~♡: Oh absolutely ♡~Feli~♡: I really like this years songs i think denmark might win ♡~Feli~♡: I dont want to get my hopes up by claiming we will win because we never do

Ludwig: I like Italy's entry this year Ludwig: Ours as well but it isn't victory material

♡~Feli~♡: I like germanys song a lot ♡~Feli~♡: I can relate to it but thats a whole other story ♡~Feli~♡: Anyway im both good and bad ♡~Feli~♡: Good because i might be coming to germany soon ♡~Feli~♡: And bad because nonno

Ludwig: Wait you will be coming here? Ludwig: For real? Ludwig: I am not really done with the book yet

♡~Feli~♡: No ill be coming with nonno because he has this trip with his company and things like that all over europe

Ludwig: Then is the bad news that he doesnt want to take you or?

♡~Feli~♡: No ♡~Feli~♡: I wouldnt be feeling this sad if he didnt want to take me its just that ♡~Feli~♡: He wants me to stop talking to you and being your friend

Ludwig: Why?

♡~Feli~♡: Lovi spilled that we met online and my nonno is really strict about online friendships and everything ♡~Feli~♡: So he ordered me to stop talking to you

Ludwig: I see Ludwig: Well i did employ you in a way so maybe you could tell him that if you are going to come to Germany Ludwig: It is less suspicious that way

♡~Feli~♡: I dont kno ♡~Feli~♡: My nonno can be really mean sometimes but lovi is even meaner ♡~Feli~♡: I want to fight back but if i did he ll tell nonno and make everything be my fault ♡~Feli~♡: Its stupid and i hate it i hate it here

Ludwig: Brothers are usually like that Ludwig: Maybe it is good that you aren't starting fights because in that way Lovino can't project the blame unto you Ludwig: But at the same time that pushes him to abuse you more just to get a reaction out of you

♡~Feli~♡: I wish i could live with you ♡~Feli~♡: I wouldnt be lonely at least

Ludwig: If you still have problems with your grandfather you can tell him that you can stay here Ludwig: I suppose if he is traveling with a company that means the company pays the bills to hotels and transport Ludwig: So if you and him want to stay you can come to our place and save some money

♡~Feli~♡: You know what thats a brilliant idea ♡~Feli~♡: Ill tell him that ♡~Feli~♡: But lovi would probably object to something there

Ludwig: My best advice is to ignore what he says and if he says something mean about you just nod but don't take him seriously

♡~Feli~♡: I can try that

Ludwig: Talk to your grandfather first please

♡~Feli~♡: Are you excited at the posibility of me coming over

Ludwig: Ecstatic Ludwig: Gilbert would be overjoyed as well Ludwig: And also because I want to know will your grandfather approve of me Ludwig: Because I really don't want to lose one of my only friends

♡~Feli~♡: We re both so lonely amd sad we need each other ♡~Feli~♡: Ill text you his response

Feliciano locked his phone and put it for charging, racing down the stairs to find his grandpa on the phone. Grandpa Rome mouthed to Feliciano that they were talking about the trip to Germany and shook his head that the company was refusing.

Feliciano motioned to him to cover the phone because he had to tell him something. Grandpa Rome excused himself for a moment to the person he was talking to. "My friend said we could stay at his place so we don't have to pay extra for hotels and food." Feliciano blurted out.

Grandpa Rome nodded, passing the message to the person on the phone. They waited for a response. Finally, Grandpa Rome nodded and Feliciano was gone in a second.

♡~Feli~♡: IM COMING TO GERMANY!!!

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tavi-hayes · 4 years

Text

challenge five ~ a night to remember

((this is longgg (12k) please please please ignore the spelling/grammar errors. also this is the best i could do when it comes to writing, i’m sorry. big thanks to all the lovely people who did rps with me. pia @brookelynnsanders and ana @itzelbm-oc you two are wonderful, i can’t believe i got to be a part of a britzel rp! chris @leanarg my hero, thank you for fixing tavi’s dress and helping me with a specific part of this fic, i seriously wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, and also thank you for that fun rp! and finally anna @hugo-stanton thank you for the nice rps, you always bring a smile to my face! finally to anyone who is going to read this, enjoyyyy!))

The reflection in the mirror is staring back at me. It’s weird seeing myself with straightened hair instead of curls. It had taken my maids over an hour to create this hairdo, working with two hair straighteners at the same time.

I reach up a hand to touch it, but Carla appears out of nowhere and she slaps my hand away. “Do not touch your hair,” her voice is firm, but the usual sharp sting is not there right now. That’s a first. “Your sweaty hands will ruin all of our hard work.” She pushes a towel into my hands, ordering me to dry them. I quickly and quietly do as she says. My hands aren’t even that sweaty.

I place the towel on the sink and look back into the mirror again. This dress is unreal, hugging my body in all the right places. It makes me look elegant yet fierce and maybe even a little sexy, but of course it’s still appropriate for a ball.

My only problem with this dress is the colour: white. Prior to the ball, we’re supposed to attend a dinner and that may be the biggest obstacle of all. If I spill even a tiny bit of food on myself, the beautiful and soft fabric of my dress will be ruined.

A knock on the door startles all three of us. My maids exchange a look I can’t quite place. Carla grabs me by my elbow and turns me around so I’m facing her. She quickly looks me up and down with a critical look in her eyes. “Don’t clasp her hands together during the photo moment. It will look like your protecting your… you know.”

That is something I never thought I would hear her say. But based on her stern facial expression and the earnest tone in her voice, I can tell that she isn’t joking. I quickly unclasp my hands and let my arms hang besides my body instead. Carla gives me a nod, “better.” She pushes me towards the door at the same exact moment Willa opens it.

“Hello,” someone says in a deep voice I don’t recognize, “I’m here to escort Lady Octavia.”

I need an escort now?

I step into the doorway and the unknown man makes me a little bow. He seems to be around my age so that’s kind of a relief. At least I’m not accompanied by some weird older creep.

His eyes really stand out, they’re a dark shade of brown with a little sparkle in them. They remind me of Bambi’s eyes.

As a way of greeting, I curtsy. But it doesn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, given that it’s a skill I still hadn’t mastered. The eyes of my maids are burning in my back, I will definitely hear about this later.

The guy offers me his arm and I gladly take, eager to get away from Willa and Carla because let’s be honest they could scold me for that poor attempt of a curtsy right now.

When I look back at them, for the first time I think I might see a positive emotion on their faces. Could they be proud of me? Or maybe they’re just happy to see me gone for one evening? It’s probably the second option.

If someone had told me 6 months that I would be attending a ball in the palace, I would have called them crazy. But now here I am and it’s happening. Life can be very unexpected.

I wonder if my family would even recognize me if they could see me now. Right now I look nothing like the Tavi from back home. She only ever wore band tees and jeans, earphones in during most of the day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just that the difference between that Tavi and the one here in the palace is remarkable. The one here, me, looks presentable and put together. She wears dresses and heels and she spends most of her time in the library, reading law books. But it isn’t just my appearance that changed, it’s the inside as well. I have learned that not everyone in the higher castes is the same; that my family and friends mean the absolute world to me and I miss them terribly; and most importantly that it’s okay to talk about the shit in my past, because there are people willing to listen.

“Lady Octavia?”

“Yes,” I say, suddenly realizing we’ve almost reached the dining hall. All the other girls are already here, waiting for the doors to open. I turn to Bambi who has a content look on his face. I let go of his arm. Now that we’re just waiting, there is no need to hold on to him. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Jakob Condle,” the smile on his face reaches his eyes. I don’t know what to say in return so I just nod. Thankfully someone calls out to him, saving me from this awkward moment. He excuses himself before he walks a little further down the line of people.

I sigh in relief, grateful for his chatter to be directed at someone else for the time being. He is the first palace staff member, or whatever his function here is, that I’ve met who talks this much. Not that I’ve met that many of them, but I thought they would only give you necessary and clear instructions, like my maids did. But okay, maybe he just needed someone to listen to him.

“How are you tonight?”

I recognize the voice immediately, it belongs to someone who I enjoy talking to. I turn in the direction of the speaker. “Oh hello,” I return the smile Hugo is giving me. “I'm alright thank you. What about you? Excited for the ball?”

“I'm mostly okay and mostly excited. Are you ready for it?”

“I think so, I don't really know what to expect.” Now that he’s glancing down the hall, I have the perfect opportunity to look at him without him noticing. Hugo is looking very good, all dressed up like this. Very charming and …

I catch myself: Tavi! Friends remember?

“You look nice by the way.” That’s something one friend can say to another, right?

When he looks back to me, there is a little blush on his face. Did I say the wrong thing? I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable. “The dress you picked is lovely.” His smile is a bit different from the one I remember so well.

I narrow my eyes a little, I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual difference is. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing!” he says that so quickly that I start doubting whether that’s true. Speaking from my own experiences, I know that saying nothing doesn’t always mean nothing. “Sorry, it's just been a long day.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” That is the very least I could offer. Especially after he had listened to me rambling about my dad and everything coming with that. “If you want to of course.”

This time, he gives me his normal smile. “It's just that I actually wanted to see if you would want to dance with me later. Only if you want to of course.”

I’m surprised by that, I hadn’t thought anyone would want to dance with me. And why is he asking me this now? He could’ve waited till the actual ball was starting. I don’t mind though, at least now I have something to look forward to. I chuckle softly, “don't be silly, of course I'd want to dance with you.”

If there is anyone I would want to be a witness of my poor dancing skills, it’d be Hugo.

As friends of course.

“I'd love that. Thank you.”

“There is absolutely no need to thank me.” As if I would ever say no to him. But I still get the feeling like something is wrong. I put my hand gently on his arm, “are you sure you're okay?”

“Yeah, I've never been better.” The smile on his face grows bigger and bigger. “I'm just looking forward to tonight.”

A smile appears on my own face, “I'm glad to hear that. Are you a good dancer?”

“I might accidentally step on your foot, full disclosure.”

This dance is going to be great then since my own dancing capacities are very limited. Just the idea of it makes me chuckle. “I can't promise I won't do the same thing to you.”

“I don't mind,” he shrugs. “If anyone's going to step on my feet I'm glad it's you.”

Is that a compliment? A smile automatically appears on my face. “That's what you're saying now.”

“Then you can ask me after too.” The smile on his face widens.

A hush falls over the crowd, piquing my interest. But I just can’t stop looking at Hugo and his beautiful smile.

Eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I turn around to find out what caused the sudden silence. Oh. It’s the prince with an unknown woman by his side. I had overheard my maids talking about international royals coming to visit for the ball, so maybe this woman is one of them?

Now what is he doing? Is he laughing? I didn’t know he was capable of that.

And then, a whisper near my ear. “I'll see you later?”

“Of course,” I say as quietly as possible. Whispering is also not one of the things I’m good at and I obviously don’t want to steal any attention away from precious prince Arin.

I shift my gaze to see Hugo back away. He smiles one more time at me before he turns around.

A new presence appears at my side and I turn my head to see who it is. Oh. It’s the guy who’s supposed to escort me, Jakob aka Bambi. He gives me a smile, but it just isn’t the same as Hugo’s. I force myself to smile back as a way of greeting.

He offers his arm again. As I take it, I notice that everyone around us is already in formation. The doors open and one by one us girls are escorted into the dining room.

The first thing I notice are the different tables. We used to be seated on round tables, all spread out in front of the royal table. But now there are 2 rectangular tables facing each other, creating 90 degree angles with the ends of the royal table.

Jakob leads me to my place. It’s almost at the end of the right table, for which I’m glad. I’m almost as far away from the eyes of the important people in this room. So if I make a fool of myself, or spill food on my dress, the only people noticing would be the 2 girls sitting beside me.

I let go of Jakob’s arm, but when I reach for my chair he beats me to it, pulling it away from the table. I mumble a thank you to him, knowing that he probably means well. But still, I’m perfectly capable of letting myself sit down on a chair.

He gives me a quick nod before he disappears.

A couple of minutes later, Brooke appears out of nowhere. “Hey girl.”

“Hi hi. I’m glad to be sitting next to you again.” I truly mean it, there is no better company than Brooke.

“As if they could rip us apart,” she winks as she sits down on the chair on my right.

Well technically they could. “It would be a crime if they did that.” We’ve been mealtime buddies since the beginning. If we ever got different seating assignments and Brooke would no longer be sitting next to me, that would make one quiet meal. I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.

Once all of us have been seated, the international royals enter the room followed by the Illéan ones. My eyes fall on Hugo. I simply can’t help myself. But who is that girl by his side? Could that be the sister he spoke of? But they look nothing alike, I feel slightly confused.

I decide to avert my gaze and focus on who else enters the room. These royals really know how to dress up for events like these. All of their outfits suit them so well.

Then there comes the prince. The one we were all supposed to fall in love with. Safe to say that didn’t happen to me. I feel like during that awful paintball date we settled into a mutual feeling of dislike. Something could probably be done to fix it, but I hadn’t felt like putting my time and energy into that. And neither had he, to be honest. We hadn’t spoken since that date.

I don’t understand why I haven’t been eliminated yet, he could simply tell me to leave and I’d be gone.

But for the time being I’m kind of grateful that I am still here. I get to spend all the time I want in that library, still hoping to find something that could help my dad. And, I’ve got to spend more time with the nice people I’ve met. I’m not complaining.

* * * * *

When dinner is over everyone is moved into a big ballroom. There are decorations everywhere. I didn’t know iridescent colours could be a theme, but this sure is working and it’s beautiful.

I don’t even know where to look. Everything looks perfect.

In the fuss of switching to another room, I’ve lost sight of Brooke. Now I’m all by myself and don’t really know how a ball is supposed to work. It’s not like I’ve ever attended one before.

I find a nice spot near one of the walls where I can quietly observe the other people in the room. I see people mingling with others, standing near the drink table, or simply doing the same thing as me. There are also people dancing, which seems to be the main event here. Then my eye falls on the orchestra not that far away from me, playing the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. It’s a great mix of classical music and instrumental versions of popular songs. I know how I’m going to spend my evening.

I have no clue how much time has passed as I’ve been so absorbed by the music, but at some point my gaze lands on Brooke who is just heading my way. “Hello,” I say, smiling at her. “Are you enjoying the ball?”

She doesn’t look to happy. “Not so far…”

“What's wrong?” I tuck some hair behind my ear, just then remembering Carla’s firm words. I wasn’t allowed to touch my hair. Well too late for that now. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she hums as she looks around. “I just need to get something over within a few.” She turns to look back at me then with a smile on her face but it doesn’t feel that genuine. It doesn’t reach her eyes. “How have you been?”

I still feel a little worried about my friend. What if she got herself in trouble? I really do hope she would tell me, but I don’t want to be annoying so I decide to let it go. For now. “I'm alright thanks.” My eyes go to the many decorations around the room, catching the light every now and then, reflecting all possible colours. “This is quite a party, isn't it?”

“It definitely is,” a sigh escapes her. “I am happy I found a way around wearing one of those gowns...” But then she scoffs and shakes her head, “also have you found the bar already?”

“You look stunning, Brooke,” I say, and I mean it. That power suit is perfect for her, it complements her so well. It’s literally her personality in an outfit. She looks amazing. “I don't know if there is a bar, but I believe there is a table with all sorts of drinks,” I look around, trying to spot the table. But there are too many people crowding around us, I can’t find the table anymore.

My compliment earns me a light smile. “Thank you Tavi. So do you.” Before I even know what’s happening, Brooke grabs my arm and drags me to the drink table. Of course she’s the one who spotted the location of the alcohol.

There are so many different glasses lined up on the table. I’m guessing each type of drink has its own glass but, given my limited knowledge on the matter, I honestly have no clue what it all is. I recognize the ones with champagne though and stay far away from those glasses. Not a fan. “What even is all of this?”

Unlike me, it seems like Brooke doesn’t care what she puts in her mouth. She just grabs the one closest to her and downs it in one go. “No clue.”

I eye the table again. Some glasses are filled with some brownish liquid. I’m not sure if it’s whiskey but I’m not about to try my luck. I don’t have a lot of good experiences with that specific drink. Just thinking about the last time, when Brooke had brought over those bottles, I can already taste the flavour in my mouth. Plus it had given me one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. Or maybe that had more to do with the fact that I had finished almost the entire bottle…

I decide to go for some clear drink. Perhaps this is just regular water? I take a little sip, yeah definitely not water. It tastes like a gin-tonic, with a very very distant hint of gin. But alright. I turn around to face the dancefloor again. People are dancing around like they have no care in the world. It’s quite magical to watch them move completely in sync with the music.

“So what's this thing you've got to take care of?”

I slightly tilt my head, waiting for Brooke’s response. Her face tells it all, she’s worried. “Gotta break up with the princey.”

I almost drop my drink. That is not what I was expecting to hear at all. This could only mean one thing. “You're leaving?”

She nods her head, “I didn't come for the love of the prince.” She sighs, but there is also a hint of smile. It lights up her entire face. “But I found love nonetheless.”

Weeks ago, she told me she didn’t think she had ever been in love. And now hearing her say she has found it, I feel so happy for her. I can barely contain my excitement as I grab her arm. “You did?”

“You know Itzel - am I right?”

“Oh my god Brooke!” I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly. I completely forget about the glass I’m holding and my drink spills all over my hand. But I don’t care about that right now. The only thing that matters in this moment is Brooke. “I'm so happy for you.”

“Thank you Tav. Didn't think something like that would ever happen... But it did.”

“You deserve it.” I hold onto her for a little moment longer. When I let go, I find her grinning at me. “Tell me. How did this happen?” She never mentioned anything during mealtimes and I never noticed anything different about her. I do remember the sparkle in Itzel’s eyes every time she mentioned Brooke when we were in the music room though. It makes sense.

“Thank you.” The smile on her face grows bigger and bigger. “You are actually the first person to know.” There is a brief pause. “I just randomly ran into Itzel at my runs a few times. And I don't really know. But she just - it just feels so right being around her. I actually never thought that I... You know. But I actually can't imagine a life without her anymore...”

I can’t help but smile myself, Brooke deserves the absolute world. “That sounds so great. And Itzel is such a kind soul.”

“She is indeed. Shines bright like the stars.” Brooke is practically glowing with happiness.

“Where is she now?” I look around the room but I don’t see Itzel’s face anywhere. Seriously why is Brooke over here talking to me when she could go and have fun with the lady of her heart.

“I haven't seen her yet - but she should show up any minute.”

“Hm,” I don’t recognize the song the orchestra is playing now, so I will definitely have to look into that. The cellos play the most beautiful notes, their sound flowing perfectly through the music created by the rest of the orchestra. But still they manage to stand out among the other instruments. “How are you going to drop the news to the prince?”

“I still haven't found a sensitive way to be honest. I was slightly debating sending him a ‘breakup’ cake.” I can hear the nerves in her laugh.

The thought of a breakup cake makes me laugh, that’s definitely something Brooke would do. “That would have been funny. Do you think he'll be upset or something?”

“Probably more relieved.”

I take a sip from the now half-empty glass in my hands. Such a shame that most of the drink got spilled on the floor. “Then why are you nervous?”

“Cause then it's really real.”

I reach for Brooke’s hand. I wish I could do anything to help but this is something she and Itzel need to do by themselves. “You'll be fine, you deserve happiness and love.”

That’s when Itzel joins us. “Ladies, I hope you are having a wonderful evening now that I have arrived.”

Brooke says something and then winks at Itzel. How did I not know there was something more between them? “Itzel hello! You look gorgeous.” The dress she’s wearing suits her so well, the colour of it really makes the brown in her eyes stand out.

Itzel smiles at me. “Tavi! Awww,” she waves her hand to shrug off my compliment. “And you look stunning! Very sophisticated and ready to rule the world.”

That makes me laugh. Ready to rule the world is definitely the vibe I’m going for. Just hand me crown already.

I thank her anyway.

“And Brooke, you seem ready to break a couple of hearts. Very...” Itzel hums as she looks at Brooke from head to toe. “Ethereal.” Brooke replies with an eyeroll. They’re so adorable, it warms my heart. Then Itzel turns to me with wide eyes. “Oh Tavi. I heard your band and told ya I actually enjoy it. Not what I usually listen to, but definitely have amazing songs.”

“Oh really?” I had forgotten about her promise to listen to my band’s music. “I actually didn't expect you to enjoy our music. But I'm glad you did. Thank you.” The fact that she put in the effort to look for our music makes me smile. We’ve been working so hard on creating our own music for years, making it extra special to hear someone saying they like them. It means the world to me.

Itzel nods her head, “Yep. I actually sent it to my dad and he loved it. Says it's right up his alley. No problem, Tavi.” Before I can reply, she clears her throat and looks between me and Brooke. “So what were you two talking about? It looked quite serious.”

She had talked about her dad during our last encounter. She said music was like an escape for him. Just like it is for me. “Your dad really sounds like a man after my own heart.” Brooke is holding out a drink to me and I take it and thank her. I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to tell Itzel what we had been talking about so I remain quiet, hoping Brooke will open her mouth.

Itzel laughs because of my comment about her father. “What can I say many ladies were, and obviously are still, enchanted by my father.”

I really wonder who would be able to resist a man like her dad. He ticks off all the essential boxes. Too bad he is already married and has children. And I could be his daughter. What a shame. I can’t help but laugh.

No one has answered her question yet, but the laughter has died down, resulting in a silence. Itzel tilts her head, patiently waiting for an answer.

Minutes go by before Brooke finally replies, “ohhh I just told Tavi about the scene we will cause in a few.” She nudges Itzel with her elbow.

“Ah, I see.” She chuckles softly. “It's going to be grand. A good way to end this, at least that's what I think.” Itzel shoulders relax a little, I hadn’t notice how tense she was. I could only imagine what their conversation with the prince is going to be like. It must be nerve-wrecking, having to tell him you’ve found love elsewhere. “If things go south, then I have the necessary help to make a run for it. Me and my beautiful lady.”

I look between the two of them, a warm and fuzzy feeling falling over me once again. “I'm so happy you two found each other.”

“Tavi stop being so sappy.”

I shoot Brooke a look, “sorry I can't help it.” What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t feel any kind of joy for them?

Itzel links her arm with Brooke’s, smiling at me. “Well thank you, Tavi. I'm sure you'll find someone who makes you feel...all these feelings.” I myself am not so sure of that. If only someone would change his mind. But I don’t see that happening in the near future. Or ever.

Brooke and Itzel start talking about a dance. I’m the obvious third wheel here and they deserve to have a moment for themselves. “I take this as my sign to go?”

But that is not what they have in mind apparently. Brooke smirks at me and drags both me and Itzel towards the dancefloor. “No one is getting out of this party without shredding the dance floor with me.”

Itzel laughs at that. “Guess not, Tavi. It's a party and Brooke isn't gonna let us go easily.”

There is nothing I can do to stop this anyway, so I decide to just go with it.

The orchestra is playing the instrumental version of some popular song. Without a dance partner or a list of dance steps to follow, I can now freely move on the beat of the music. Such a relief.

Brooke is doing the same as I am, having fun while breaking into some dance moves. Itzel on the other hand seems to be a little more hesitant. But Brooke manages to twirl her around. They both look so happy with bright smiles on their faces.

I take a few steps backwards to let them have their movement. That’s the least I can do.

At some point, Itzel makes her way over to me pulling Brooke with her. “I'm slightly intimidated by how well you two seem to dance.”

That makes me laugh. “Don't look at me, Brooke is the pro here.” She really has a natural feeling for the rhythm in music, making it all look so very easy. Next to her, everyone else looks more like an amateur.

“Would have been a waste of money if that weren't the case,” Brooke replies.

“Well... I'm going to get a breath of fresh air. You two carry on.” Before Itzel walks away, she plants a quick kiss on Brooke’s cheek.

They really seem like the perfect pair, balancing each other out. Adorable.

“You okay?” I ask Brooke once Itzel has disappeared. Something about her facial expression has changed, perhaps she’s worrying about her upcoming talk with the prince again.

“Yeah...” She sighs deeply and stops dancing. “I just realized it's probably gonna be my last night here.”

I stop dancing as well. I hadn’t realized that she will be leaving the palace so soon, but of course it makes sense. Why would the prince keep her here? “Are you going to miss it?”

“Never thought I'd say it,” she says as she turns to look at me. Her eyes betray her nervousness. “But yes...”

I link my arm with Brooke’s. “Come on, let’s get you another drink.” I know that doesn’t solve anything, but perhaps it could take some of her nerves and worry away.

I let go of Brooke as we reach the drink table again, handing her a drink. “What are you going to miss the most?”

“You... And maybe the food…”

Hearing her say that, breaks my heart. We had walked into this experience together and now she’s leaving. “I'm glad you put me before the food. But I'll miss you too.” Terribly. I know it’s a little selfish, but I don’t want her to leave me behind. Who am I supposed to talk to during mealtimes when she’s gone?

“Was a thin line.” And then she’s pulling me into a hug.

I don’t want to let go of my friend. Can’t she just stay by my side forever?

But I know she can’t, especially now that she has Itzel. They deserve to start a life together. Let them have their happiness.

“Group hug?” Itzel says from behind me somewhere.

I laugh softly, “please join in.” And so she does.

“My loves,” Brooke says, hugging us even tighter.

When we let go of each other, I can’t help but feel very sad. How will I survive this without my friends?

I’m not really listening to what Brooke and Itzel are talking about what else they’re going to miss. Itzel says something about a small forest and by the look on her face I can tell something has happened there. I don’t want to know the details of that.

“Tavi?” Brooke voice brings me back to reality. She’s holding a little eyeliner pencil towards me, “phone number.”

I take the little pencil from her and write down my number on the wrist she’s offering. “You can call me any time, okay?”

“Watch me call you 5 seconds after I left this place.”

Itzel laughs, “or we could kidnap her every now and then, I'm sure she's allowed to leave the palace if she'd like.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows at that. “Promising plan.”

Itzel winks, “exactly. Like I have been saying before I have eyes and ears here. It could work.” For some reason I don’t think she’s exaggerating.

“I can leave on my own account, you know. No need for a kidnapping action.” And besides that, I feel like my days of staying in the palace are soon to be over anyway.

“Shhhhh kidnapping sounds more fun,” Brooke winks at me. Yeah sure, of course kidnapping sounds fun to her. She’s not the one being kidnapped.

“It's no fun if it's too easy,” Itzel says, crossing her arms. These two really are a match made in heaven, aren’t they?

I look from one to the other, suddenly unsure whether they’re joking. “Can you at least warn me in advance?”

Brooke shrugs her shoulders. “Sure - we'll give you a smog signal.”

“I will stay near a window at all times then.”

Itzel seems way too excited for this, “Sounds like a plan!”

I’m going to miss these two so much. “This place is going to be so dull when you two are gone.”

Brooke hands something to me. “For the bad times.”

I take the package from her and look at it. Of course. Weed. What else could I have expected from her. “Thank you Brooke, you really are a great friend.” A little bag of weed is all I ever wanted... But still I appreciate the gesture.

“Camping trip once this is all over?” Brooke’s gaze shifts between me and Itzel.

We both agree. At least I have something to look forward to now.

Brooke and Itzel go into a different direction. Perhaps they’re on their way to the prince for their chat. Or maybe they just need a little more time with each other before that moment.

I make my way back to one side of the room, the spot where I can go enjoy the music without being in the way of people. I realize I’m still holding the little package of weed in my hand. What am I even supposed to do with this? I didn’t bring a bag and my dress doesn’t have pockets. There is only one other option, I try to tuck it into my bra without anyone else noticing. Hopefully it will stay there.

* * * * *

A sudden tap on my shoulder surprises me. The music had consumed me once again. I didn’t notice someone had approached me. But when I turn around and see who is standing there, I feel disappointed. It’s not the person I was hoping for.

It’s Bambi. Or should I say Jakob?

“You promised me a dance,” he says, offering his arm to me.

Oh god. I don’t remember that but I must have agreed to it during our walk to the dining hall, when I hadn’t been listening to anything he was saying. Sigh. Is it too late to say no now?

After some serious debating in my head, I take his arm. I don’t want to dance with him but the other option is rejecting him on the spot and that may be even worse, especially if he is going to cause a scene.

He leads me to the dancefloor. Other people are already paired up and moving on the rhythm of the music.

Bambi takes my right hand in his own, placing his other hand on the back of my waist right on the spot where my dress is showing some skin. I really don’t like the feeling of his hand there. With my free hand I move his arm slightly upwards so that his hand is now resting a little higher on my back, far away from my skin.

I place my hand on his shoulder and he starts the dance. I wish I had paid more attention during the dance lessons we’ve had this past week. For some reason this type of dancing just isn’t for me. You’d say someone who’s into music as much as I am, would be able to connect the music to the required movements. But something apparently went wrong in my head because I just couldn’t make it work. This dancing was just a little stiff and there were so many steps to remember. Pfft.

I feel my dance partner’s eyes on me. I turn my head away so I don’t have to look at him. He’s talking to me, but I don’t listen to any of the words coming out of him. Instead I focus on the music. It’s pure and beautiful and touching.

Someone bumps into me. Isn’t it the man’s job to pay attention?

“Oh, I’m sorry… hi!”

“Oh it's okay.” I turn to see who bumped into me, even though I’m pretty sure I recognized her voice. Leana. “Hello.”

The guy Leana is dancing with tries to lead her away from me, but she’s not having any of it. “How’re you liking the party?”

Bambi however understands what she’s trying to do and keeps us close to one another so we can continue our conversation. “It's quite fun, isn't it?” I have to turn my face to see the girl I’m talking to. Dancing and talking is not a good combination when your conversation partner is not the same person as your dancing partner. “What about you?”

I notice her gaze shift to someplace behind me. I turn my head to see who or what she’s looking for, but I can’t figure it out. After a brief moment of silence, she replies, “it’s being ... quite a surprise.”

“A surprise?” I raise my eyebrows, but I don’t think she notices. Her gaze is still focussed on something else in this room. “In what way?”

Our dance partners are not really making it easy for us. Right now, Leana’s partner is blocking my entire view of her. “I mean... I had been in big events but nothing like this.”

“Yeah,” I answer as if I relate to what she’s saying. The biggest event I’ve ever been to, was a rock concert in the Park Theatre back in Winnipeg. And the vibe during that concert was the complete opposite from the one right here in this ballroom. “The royal family sure knows how to organize a party.”

I wonder if she even heard what I was saying because her partner is trying to lead her away again. But then I see her open her mouth, “what about change partners, should we?” She lets her partner twirl her around one last time.

Before I even realize what’s happening, she is standing in front of me.

I look to Bambi just in time to see his round eyes go even bigger. He doesn’t say anything, even though he doesn’t look too happy with this sudden change. Leana’s partner is looking at him with the same expression on his face, completely lost. The sight of them makes me laugh. I don’t think they were expecting something like this to happen.

“You want to dance with me? I have to warn you, this is not one of my talents.” Understatement.

“I know, I saw you at the dancing lessons,” Leana replies. Well at least she gives me an honest answer. “I’m not that good either but I refuse to stay standing at a party.”

“I was hoping nobody had noticed. But I have to agree with you, the music is worth dancing to.” Even now the rhythm of the music is calling out to me, encouraging me to start dancing. As long as I can move freely, there is absolutely no problem. But whenever a dance partner appears, everything goes wrong. I honestly don’t know what my problem is.

Leana is swinging along on the rhythm, her eyes are again trained on something or someone else in the room. “Hey, you should have play something for us tonight.”

I turn my face to look at the ensemble creating some beautiful music at the moment. “Nah I'm good, I wouldn't want to impose.”

“After listening to you playing I don't think anyone would see it that way,” she shrugs.

“Thanks,” her compliment makes me chuckle a little, “but I think I'll pass.” I honestly don’t feel like putting myself in the spotlight right now. This is not my ball and I don’t want to be the centre of attention. In fact, I’d rather be enjoying the music and everything from the side line. “Hey, you've got moves. Have you done this type of dancing before?”

That makes her laugh, “I have but I’m not that good...”

“Don't be so modest,” I offer her a reassuring smile. If she is ‘not that good’, then where does that leave me? “You're better than most of us.”

She bobs her head a little. “I won’t argue about that...” A crescendo in the song catches my attention. Leana apparently heard it to because she switches places with me right when it happens. We continue dancing, but in reality it’s more like she is dancing and I’m copying whatever she does. “How does your family spend this holiday?”

I refrain from saying that I feel like it’s only the higher castes that consider Independence Day as a holiday. For me and my family, it’s a day just like any other. “We don't really celebrate it to be honest. But we do have a more elaborate dinner that day, with other family members coming over and such.” I tilt my head a little. “What about you?”

“There’s always an important dinner hosted by governors, so we haven’t celebrated it as family for a long time... just my mom, now, my little brother and me eating something delicious.”

“Oh,” it never occurred to me that families might not see each other on a day they consider to be a holiday. I can’t imagine what that must be like, if everyone in the family has different obligations. “I'm sorry. Do you miss your family?”

Leana keeps on dancing, every move she makes is in sync with the music. “I do miss them, but we didn’t see each other during the day much, just breakfast.” She raises a shoulder as if it’s nothing. “I have texted them and called them so I’m fine. What about you?”

“I miss my family terribly.” They are the most important thing in my life. I just want to hug them and never let go again. “Phone calls just aren't the same.”

“Uh videocalls?” she raises an eyebrow at me.

“I mean,” I sigh softly, “it's just not the same as real life you know.”

Leana nods her head slowly, she’s not really looking at me anymore. “It’s hard to be used to be around someone every day and suddenly he’s not ...”

I don’t really understand what she’s talking about. “Uhm I'm sorry?”

She blinks her eyes a couple of times, finally focussing back on me again. “I mean family, having the family away it’s hard.” She reaches out to me and places a hand on my arm. The smile she gives me seems genuine.

Is she talking about my dad? How did the conversation take a turn to this?

“Yeah it sucks.” I don’t feel like elaborating about it, not on a night like this when we are supposed to enjoy ourselves.

Her hand slips to mine and she makes me twirl. “Looking forward to dance with the prince?”

I’m glad for the topic change but why did it have to go to the prince now? “I wasn't planning on dancing with him, no.” Last time we talked, I didn’t get the impression that Leana was too fond of him either. Something must have changed between them two. Interesting. If we had been a little closer in terms of friendship, I would have asked her about it. But I feel like it’s not my place to do that, so I drop it and raise my eyebrows at her. “Are you going to?”

She raises her eyebrows in return. “You said that as if you had other specific plans...” The curiosity is right there in her eyes. It must be the journalist in her, always wanting to know everything. But then she shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess he’s going to be busy for a while.”

The ball is well underway and I realize I haven’t paid any attention to the prince and his whereabouts. It’s the same thing I have been doing the last couple of months, casually ignoring his existence. “But I'm sure if you ask the prince, he'll accept the dance. It's kind of his job isn't it?”

Her face turns into a grimace. “That doesn’t sound so good ... if it’s his job I will consider giving him a free day then.”

I gasp, pretending to be shocked. “Ah Leana, don't rob him of his opportunity to dance with you.”

Speaking of opportunities for a dance, I remember someone asking me for one earlier tonight. Where is Hugo? I glance around the room, but I can’t seem to find him. There are people walking, talking and dancing everywhere.

Leana’s laugh makes my attention shift back to her, “he will be fine.”

“Hm, you're going to break his heart.” Poor prince.

Her eyes sparkle with amusement when she answers, “I remember someone was going to serenade him. What happened with that?”

We had indeed made a deal all those weeks ago, to see whether he would be scared away by my band’s music. But the entire thing had slipped from my mind. Such a shame. It makes me laugh, “I completely forgot about that.”

She doesn’t answer besides shaking her head in disappointment.

“Please forgive me,” I say with an overdramatic tone in my voice. If she really wants to know how the prince responds to music, she could play some guitar for him herself. Her guitar skills are pretty good, even if she says otherwise.

“I mean it’s never too late,” she says, adding a wink.

We continue dancing and talking for a little while, but then a familiar face catches my attention. I turn to face Leana again. She keeps on dancing without a care in the world. The twirls she’s making highlight the ruffles of her beautiful dress, the fabric flowing along in the movements.

I glance back at Hugo a second time. He’s still where he was a minute ago.

“Um- I’m afraid I need to go get something to drink... is okay if I,” Leana’s words make me turn back to her.

“Uh yeah sure. Thanks for the dance,” I say and I mean it. I don’t know if I would have survived an entire song with Bambi. His monologue made it impossible for me to hear the music. Leana saved me from that at least.

She smirks at me, “have fun.”

“Yeah you too,” I say, waving a little goodbye before she turns to walk in the other direction.

I walk over to the drink table, trying not to bump into other people along the way. It’s quite a challenge of its own. Some people really don’t pay attention to where they’re going, either because they’re too focussed on their conversation or because they might be drunk.

Eventually I reach my destination and extend a hand. “Care for a dance?”

Hugo turns to me with a smile on his face. I don’t think that’s a view I will ever be bothered by. As friends of course. For some reason, I have to keep reminding myself of that. Why can’t I just accept it and let it go?

He takes my hand, the soft touch bringing me back to reality. “You don't even have to ask.”

I practically drag him with me towards the dance floor, again trying not to bump into other people. “Are you enjoying the ball so far?”

“Yes, but I think I'm enjoying it more now. I've been looking forward to getting my feet stepped on all night.”

His answer makes me snort. “You can step on your own feet, you don't need me for that.” I’ve done it to myself numerous times, sometimes even resulting in me falling on my face. It’s not something I’d recommend but if he really wants to, then it’s an option.

I hear a soft chuckle coming from behind me. “I could but I'd rather have you do it.”

We’ve reached the dance floor and I turn to face him. Before I even know what I am doing, I step on his foot lightly. “Here you go, happy now?” In doing so, some hair has fallen in front of my eyes. I’m sure Carla would allow me to touch my hair now, it’s literally blocking a part of my view. Although, knowing Carla she would probably criticize me for it. I reach up anyway and tuck the hair behind my ear. I glance around to find other people paired up as well, ready for a dance. Some of them are other selected, partnering up with unknown men. Their escorts perhaps? “I might need your help though, this is not one of the things I'm good at.”

His laugh attracts my attention again and I glance at my friend just when he returns the gesture, stepping lightly on my toes. “I’m thrilled.” Before I can do or say anything, he pulls me closer. His hand rests on the back of my waist. I don’t mind his hand there, contrary to Jakob’s hand which I moved upwards as a result. “You've got this. I'll be here with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” I place my free hand on his shoulder.

Right at that moment the orchestra begins to play a new song, one from the classical genre this time. “You're doing really well, Tavi.”

Such a liar, I know in fact that I’m not doing well at all. “Stop it, this is all you.” But I can’t stop the smile from coming to my face. “Have you taken dance lessons? Or does this come natural to you?”

“Don't sell yourself short.” Hugo squeezes my hand softly, causing me to miss a step. He doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t mention it for which I’m grateful. “I've taken some dance lessons, yes.”

I nod my head a little as I listen to what he’s saying. “Impressive. Truly. This doesn't seem like an easy thing to learn.” Yet if I had paid some attention during those lessons, I might have actually learned a thing or two.

He laughs, though I don’t know what I’ve said to have caused it. I’m not complaining though, it’s such a joyous sound. “Well, you know how to do other things way better than I do.”

“Oh right yeah, bannister sliding. Let's not forget that one.” The memory alone makes me chuckle. That is something I will remember forever.

That only makes him laugh more. “You're never going to let that go, are you?”

I shake my head, “nope and I will make sure you don't forget about it either.”

The laughing stops. Instead he tilts his head to one side, smiling at me again. “This is going to sound weird but I don't think I mind.”

I- I don’t know how to take that. Or how to respond. I decide to opt for a joke. “Well great because in the afterlife, my ghost is definitely going to find your ghost and be like ‘hey Hugo, do you remember that bannister thing?’ So you will be reminded of my victory forever and ever.” I don’t dare say anything about the time before afterlife. Perhaps he doesn’t want to stay friends with me once this selection is over.

He looks away from me, but I can see the tiniest blush appearing on his face. “But maybe until then you can remind me while we're alive?”

His words make my worries disappear. “Of course.” I even manage to get out a soft laugh. “I wouldn't want to throw those opportunities away.”

“How close are you and Arin?”

“Me and prince Arin?” This is the second time tonight that someone brings up that prince. Do I give off the vibe that I want to talk about him or something? “We're not close at all. We haven't spoken since that date and that was what, 2 months ago or something? Why?”

There is a brief pause before he continues speaking. “So... if you went out one night maybe you don't think he would mind?”

“I think he'd be glad to get rid of me.” I honestly think the prince wouldn’t even notice if I had gone missing. I truly don’t understand where this conversation is going or why the prince was brought up in the first place. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I know it's not really allowed.... but I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner sometime.”

Hang on. This has already happened before.

I raise my eyebrows, “a date?”

“As friends I mean. Friends of course.”

My heart tells me to get my hopes up again, but my head tells me to not be stupid. I follow the advice of my heart, not having learned anything from last time when he had dropped that friend bomb on me. “You mean as friends?” Please don’t make me go through this again. Please don’t make me feel like an idiot.

But then he shakes his head. “No... not as friends.” A billion things pass through my mind all at once, creating some sort of chaos. I feel speechless. And maybe it’s because I don’t say anything, because he adds in a quiet voice, “I'm sorry- I totally get if that's not what you want and I was wrong.”

My heart is racing but I manage to clear a path in the complete chaos in my mind. “Hugo,” I softly squeeze his hand, hoping it might be enough to get him to look at me again. “I would love that.”

When he finally looks at me, his eyes have gone a bit wide. “Really?”

I nod my head, unable to keep a smile from appearing on my face. “Of course.”

“Okay,” he lets out a breath and nods. “It's a date- and not as friends.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Not as friends.” I don’t understand how this even happened, especially after last time. I hadn’t seen this coming at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. It’s a nice surprise.

There is the tiniest pressure of Hugo’s hand on my back, pushing me a little closer to him. “I thought you were going to say no.”

“Really?” I look up at him, raising my eyebrows. “Why would I ever say no?”

“I just wasn't sure if you felt the same way...”

I squeeze his hand again. “I thought I had made that pretty clear.” Let’s be honest, I hadn’t been doing a good job at the whole friends thing. “But now you know.” My own words make me blush a little. Normally I would try to avoid conversations like these at all costs, but with Hugo I just couldn’t.

“I'm glad I was wrong.” That beautiful smile is on his face again. “Very happy.”

I return the smile, enjoying this moment with him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at ease with someone than I do with Hugo. This silence is welcome, giving me time to clear the rest of the chaos in my head so I can at least enjoy this moment.

But then I realize why it is silent.

The song has ended and the orchestra isn’t playing a new one yet. “Oh,” I quickly let go of him, taking a little step backwards. I really don’t want to attract any unwanted attention from other guests. Some of them could be slithering around like snakes, looking for interesting stories they could turn into huge scandals. Dangerous territory. “I'm sorry I don't mean to take up all of your time.”

Hugo reacts the same way as I did. He also steps back, creating even more distance between us. “Oh... You weren't.”

The talking has completely distracted me, I didn’t pay any attention to the music. Did we even dance? “I didn't step on your feet, did I?”

He shakes his head. “Not once, except for at the beginning.”

That’s a relief, at least I did something right. Unlike those dance lessons. I’m pretty sure my practice dance partner has bruises on his feet from all the times I accidently stepped on them. Poor guy. “But that one was on purpose, so it doesn't really count.”

“On purpose or not I'd rather have no one else step on my toes.” I need a second to let those words sink in. No one else. What is that supposed to mean? I blink my eyes twice, only to find him holding his arm out to me. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

“Of course.” I close the distance between us again and gently take his arm. “Where to?”

A smile lights up Hugo’s face again. “How about the gardens? I heard they're nice tonight.”

“Sounds great.” I smile back at him. Some fresh air would be nice actually. Especially after being in this room full of people for… how long now? “But are you sure you don't need to stay here? What if someone wants to dance with you?” During that tour, he mentioned that he had befriended some of the other girls. I don’t want to take their opportunities for a chat, or maybe even a dance, away.

“All I am is a cousin. No one cares too much about what I do or where I go.” He shrugs as we walk towards the open doors. It’s dark outside but I can already see some lights illuminating plants here and there.

I turn my face back to Hugo and just look at him for a moment without saying anything. His words break my heart a little bit. This is his family after all, how can he feel like they don’t care? “I'm sure that's not true.”

He nods his head. “It is. But I don't mind. I like being able to mostly live the life I want.”

“Okay yeah I get that.” I look at him for a little while longer, but then I avert my gaze to see where I’m placing my feet. I really don’t want to make a fool of myself by falling. I focus on a champagne glass lying on the floor not too far away. How it survived its fall is beyond me. “Just... know that I care, okay?”

Hugo doesn’t reply right away. I wonder if he even heard what I was saying. Or maybe I said something stupid. But what I said is the truth, I had cared for him ever since the moment I met him. He had been so kind to me, making me feel at ease during that photoshoot. And then during that tour, when I had told him all about my dad and he had just listened. He hadn’t judged me or my family. He didn’t look any differently at me after I was done talking. There was no fear or anything close to that in his eyes. I’m not sure he knows just how much that little moment means to me.

“Tavi..... thank you.”

My heart might break a second time just because of the way he says my name. “You don't need to thank me,” I say as I pat his arm a couple of times. The gardens stretch out before us now. I had been mistaken, it’s not just a simple light here and there. In every direction I see lights of different shapes, brightness and colours, yet it all fits together perfectly somehow. “Oh look, you were right. The gardens look beautiful.”

There is a moment of silence. I don’t need to look at him to know that he’s also taking in the view of the garden. “Safiya did this.”

“She really has an eye for detail. It looks amazing.” The decorations in the ballroom are gorgeous, but the ones here in the garden are absolutely magical. It doesn’t matter where I look, there is something beautiful everywhere.

“She's always known what went together.”

The sky is filled with a billion little lights of its own. The stars flicker as they create their own patterns. “Are the two of you close?”

Hugo chuckles, “it depends on the day.” That’s always the case with family, isn’t it? On most days there are no problems, but on others even one wrong look can cause the next world war. But no matter how bad the argument, family is family and you love them anyway. “Do you have siblings?”

“I have one older brother, and a younger sister and brother.” Just the thought of them makes me smile. I’m sure Aria would love to attend a ball like this, if only for the gown.

“What are their names?”

We continue walking through the gardens. Lights are hung up, lining this very path. On the left there is a huge tree with fairy lights wrapped around the tree trunk and its branches. “So first there's Daniel, he already has a family of his own with the cutest little baby. And then my younger siblings are Aria and Arlan.”

“That’s a lot to keep track of. I just have Chloé and she’s more than enough.” There is so much love in his voice, it makes me smile. “Do you get to see your older brother often?”

“Yeah he always comes over a couple of times a week for dinner.” And I guess he has been coming to our house more often now that I’m gone. Daniel had promised me he would look after mom and the little ones. The feeling of missing them hits me so hard, I almost break down in tears. I need to steer the conversation away from my family. “Are you and your sister close?”

“Sort of, the past few years we've gone our own ways a bit but I always love spending time with her.”

“Oh that's nice.” We pass a flowerbed with multiple balls of light placed in it. Some shine a soft pink light, while others look more like blue and green. “Is she the girl you walked into dinner today?”

There is a moment of silence before he answers. “No... I escorted Felicity...”

“Oh,” that name rings a bell somewhere. Felicity. Then I remember the very first etiquette lesson all those months ago. She had entered the room, whispering something we couldn’t hear to the princess. I didn’t know who she was then, but Brooke had explained, ‘I am pretty sure it is Prince Arin's ex-girlfriend.’ No matter how hard I think about this, I can’t make sense of the situation. I don’t understand how Hugo came to be her escort. Why couldn’t the prince accompany his own ex-girlfriend to a dinner in his palace? “But she's the prince's ex? Why would you escort her then?”

I look over the flowerbed on my right, the light balls illuminate some flowers while others disappear completely in the darkness of the night. As we walk past it, the soft colours of the lights sort of blend together.

“Yeah she is, but we were paired up because it's a rank thing. We didn't decide that.”

“Okay of course.” I nod my head, “that makes sense.” What am I doing? I feel like I’ve overstepped a boundary. I shouldn’t have asked about it in the first place. “I'm sorry, that's none of my business.”

“Please don't be sorry.” He pauses for a second. “I have something I should tell you...”

I rip my gaze away from the flowerbed and turn to Hugo instead. “What? Are you okay?”

He nods his head, “I'm fine, I just want to be honest with you. Felicity and I... we...”

Where is this conversation going now? I furrow my eyebrows a little, but I keep quiet so he can continue talking.

He looks so uncomfortable, it makes me feel bad. “We were never really together but... we got close. But I want you to know she's only a friend.”

I don’t know what to say but then something my dad once told me comes back to mind. I was about 6 years old when my parents had asked me which music instrument I wanted to learn how to play: my mom’s violin or my dad’s tuba. Deep down I knew, while both instruments can create the most beautiful sounds, that I wanted to play the guitar. I had seen some musician play it on TV and I fell in love with it right away. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents, in fear of disappointing them by choosing a different instrument. One day my dad asked me what was wrong and I started crying, telling him about the guitar. He pulled me into a hug, assuring me it was okay. “Octavia, we can’t force you to play the violin or the tuba. You have a voice of your own and you’re allowed to use it. This is your life, go for the things that bring you joy.”

I know this situation is far from the same as choosing a music instrument, but I feel like the essence of my dad’s message is applicable here as well. And besides, who am I to judge Hugo? He sure didn’t judge me when I told him about my dad’s jail situation. “Hey listen. Even if she was more than a friend, it's your life and you should do whatever makes you happy.”

He lets out a sigh. I can’t decide whether that’s good or bad, but his face does seem to relax a little. “Tavi, I think you make me happy. And I want more of that with you.”

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s the only thing I can hear. I’m pretty sure Hugo can hear it too, and with him everyone else here in these gardens.

I can’t do anything but stare at him. This is what I have been hoping for deep down, I just can’t believe it’s actually happening. “You're not drunk, are you?”

“No, I'm not. Are you?”

Relief floods over me. At least he’s aware of what he’s saying.

I shake my head, feeling very glad for I only had one alcoholic drink tonight. I’m sure if I had been drunk, this would never have happened. I can barely hear my voice over the beating of my heart, “I think you make me happy too.”

He stops walking, causing me to do the same. His eyes meet mine, but he doesn’t say anything.

I don’t know what to say myself, so I try to go for a way out. “Do you think we should head back?”

“Can we just wait a minute...? I like being out here with you.”

I somehow manage to get some words out of my mouth. “Of course.” I feel like I’m dreaming and I could wake up in my room here in the palace any second now. Or worse, wake up in my bed back in Denbeigh.

He lets go of my arm and turns to face me fully. “I was thinking when this is over I should take you up on your offer and visit Winnipeg...”

“Please do.” I remember that conversation and it hadn’t been me who made that offer. Hugo had said, ‘maybe you could show me around. It's always so much better with a local friend around.’ I remember the words so well, because I had felt so confused for making a friend. Look where we are now. With a smile on my face, I add, “though I can't promise I'm that good of a tour guide. And you set the bar for that quite high.”

His smile has turned so soft. “You can't say a bad thing about anyone...” He reaches down and takes my hand in his. I’m reminded once again of the smoothness of his skin. “That's one of the things I like about you so much. You're the most kind person I think I've ever met.”

I shake my head, I’ve done so many awful things. Like that fight with Leana, judging her for being a journalist. Or when I had aimed that paintball gun on prince Arin. And then actually pulling the trigger, trying to shoot him. “I... that's not true.” And let’s not forget the endless trash talk coming out of my mouth whenever I’m around Brooke. I’m not a kind person at all.

“We all have our good days and bad days- they shouldn't define us.” He reaches up to brush some hair out of my face.

“Hugo,” I can’t do anything else but look up at him. “If there is someone worthy of that most kind person title, it's you.”

He shakes his head. “I think you're wrong... but,” he says, taking a deep breath. He leans a little closer, his face only inches away from mine. “Tavi?”

I don’t know how I manage to speak, I feel like I stopped breathing about 10 minutes ago. “Yeah?” My heart however keeps on beating, the speed increasing with every second that passes.

Then he leans in even closer, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

It feels like that moment when you’re waiting for a concert to begin. The lights are dimmed, and everyone goes silent. Your heartrate increases as you feel your anticipation level rise. And then the musicians take the stage and start playing their music. It’s the moment everyone has been waiting for. All the people start cheering and clapping, letting go of that build-up anticipation, leaving nothing but excitement and happiness behind. And the feeling of wanting more.

That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I want more.

I let go of his hand and reach up to touch his face. His eyes lock with mine and I gently bring his face closer to mine, making our lips touch in a gentle kiss.

His hands go up to cup my face, holding me in place as he kisses me back.

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s impossible for him not to hear it.

The kiss makes me feel a billion things at the same time, but surprisingly there is no chaos in my head. There is a calmness somehow, my mind has gone completely blank. The only thing that matters right now is this moment. I don’t want it to end.

But then I realize where we are.

I take a little step backwards, glancing around as I do. I don’t see anyone, but it’s dark outside and someone could be hiding in a bush or something. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that here.”

He quickly glances around before leaning closer, kissing me again. When he pulls away, there is a smile on his face. “I'm not sorry.”

“Hugo,” I’m unable to stop the smile from appearing on my own face. I haven’t felt this kind of happiness in a very long time and now I don’t know what to do with myself.

He drops his hands from my face. I can feel the heat on my cheeks, they’re most likely bright red right now. Thank god for the darkness of the night. One of his hands slips into mine, “Tavi.”

There is something in the way he says my name. Like it’s something special. I fight the urge to kiss him again and instead I intertwine my fingers with his, “thank you for tonight.” It really had exceeded my expectations in every possible way.

“I'm so happy you said yes.” Hugo gives my hand a little squeeze.

I don’t know exactly which yes he’s talking about. I’ve said yes to so many things.

A dance.

A date.

A walk in the gardens.

If I had said no to one of those things, I don’t think I would’ve ended up here. With him.

I look down at our hands, joined together. I don’t want to let go. What if I do and all of this slips right through my fingers? But I also don’t want anyone to find out about this, whatever this may be. I could face any sort of punishment for myself, but I don’t want Hugo to get in any trouble. “Maybe I should head back?”

Our eyes meet again when I look up at him. “If it's okay with you I think I might stay out here a little bit longer?”

“Of course.” I let go of his hand, even though I don’t want to. I stand up on my tiptoes and give him one last quick kiss. “I guess I'll see you around then?”

Even in the darkness, I can see the smile on his face. “I'll see you around, Tavi.”

I return the smile before I turn around and start walking back towards the palace, forcing my heart to calm down. I need all of my attention to focus on the real world.

Darkness, an uneven garden path, me in heels, my mind elsewhere. All of these things together dramatically increase the chances of me ending on the ground.

Many people walk past me on my way back to the palace. Some are alone, others have company. It was definitely clever of me to return to the ballroom. There are curious eyes everywhere.

Back in the ballroom, it’s like nothing has changed. People are still talking, walking and dancing.

I make my way to the drink table only to find my escort Jakob aka Bambi there. He turns in my directions, his eyes sparkling as he recognizes me. But before he can so much as open his mouth, I quickly grab a drink and excuse myself.

I make my way through the room until I find the perfect, quiet spot where no one will bother me. I spend the rest of the evening there, watching the other people but not really seeing them. My mind keeps going back to what happened in the garden, reliving the moment time and time again.

#selectionoc #challenge 5 #fic #((do i tag this as tugo?))#((i guess i do...))#tugo

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