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flamebrain · 6 years

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mattfoggy hcs, straight from the bastard empire sorry these all read like shitepostes(L O N G post under cut you’ve been warned)

WTNV au:

nightvale is just populated by like. vigilantes and other poewered people and foggy shoes up one day like. hey anyone need a lawyer? and the whole town falls in love w him

MURDERDOCK IS KEVIN

matt does radio and talks about foggys perfect hair and perfect teeth and foggy calls in like "heh, thanks dude, but aren't you like blind?" and matt shuts the call off immediatley

everybody knows matt is daredevil because he makes wink wink nudge nudge comments about it like 'ah. it appears that an entity has appeared near the dog park. castle appears to be on the scene now, and...ok, he's got a gun. i cant do anything about that, but my pal (noises of him scrambling and obviously knocking things over) daredevil might be able OKHERESTHEWEATHER" and it cuts off and like. he shows up 5 seconds later to kick frank in the face for using lethal measures AGAIN

EVERY TIME IT CUTS TO THE WEATHER AND THEN CUS BACK AND THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN SOLVED ITS JUST MATT. like. breathing just a little heavier than normal into the mic like. 'so it appears uh. the issue has been resolved thanks again to daredevil and his pal moon knight. such a shame i had to cower under my desk while the weather was on. ok goodnight'

the funky thing abt nightvale in this au is that it's basically just like. new york from 616 but foggy's like. from our earth so he's like HWAT THE FUCK AND AHIT IS GOING ON IN HERE ON THIS DAY AND WHY CANT I LEAVE he gets kidnapped by super villains on like his second day in town and immediatley regrets every life choice he's ever made

matt works at nightvale radio by day and conviently cuts to the weather every time something comes up so sometimes there's like. 7 half hour weather broadcasts a day and the townspeople just. humor him

foggy falls in love with matt after figuring out after .5 seconds that he's daredevil and he saved him from a bunch of baddies on like his second day and matt compliments him on the radio like every day and yeah they're fuckin good ok assorted stupid college hcs: matt and foggy like to chill in each other's beds. foggy doesn't notice that often because matt moves back b4 he gets back and matt pretends not to notice but like. he can smell foggy was there. foggy. stop napping in this bed you're making my sheets smell like you, foggy, i KNOW they're silk and i know you think you're getting away with it but you're NOT,

matt, coming back into the dorm after being out for the day: foggy are you laying on my bed foggy, sitting up straight: nah pal. just sitting on the end for a minute hehe. just had to rest the old joints matt, knowing DAMN well that he was lying down a second ago and he's obviously lying but not being able to say anything; haha ok. move

hrnnn matt knows foggy is gay long before he tells him because he catches him in a lie about who he was out with but he can't say anything and like. he knows foggy is scared to tell him but he doesn't know how to bring it up and he's like. i want him to know he can trust me but i don't know how to tell him i know please foggy

foggys heart goes a mile a minute anytime the subject of being gay comes up around matt and matt wants to yell at him that it's OK and he doesn't care but his hints that he's fine with it seem to fly right over foggys head and so one day he gets so fed up with trying to convince foggy he's chill with gay people he just kisses him. wig

hrnnn. matt doesn't like the snow because it messes with his senses and he can't see but he can't say that to foggy so he just says he doesn't like the cold and foggys like "yeah doofus you weigh like three pounds you're skin and bone compared to me smh" and insists on cuddling him every time he sees matt get like That bc he thinks he's just chilly and it's. oddly comforting to matt because yeah. nobody really Holds him like that, and he Is Cold, and foggy is Warm,

matt gets Very touchey around people he's close with and so when he gets close with foggy he puts his arm around him a lot, rests his head on his shoulder, holds his arm even when they're not going anywhere, etc. foggys heart speeds up every time but matt just assumes that's what people hearts do when that happens because he doesn't really do that with anyone else and hey, he's happy when he does it and his heart maybe spikes a little too, but then he gets someone else's arm to lead him when foggys sick one week and their heart stays the exact same, what's up with that? so then he starts paying attention to all the people on campus, and the touching doesn't usually make the hearts go wild, but, well. matt 'sees' it happens and he's like HaHa, See, This is A Thing, and then he realizes that the people that have it happen to them? they're couples. and he just. freezes because first of all, Foggy- and at him- an- and second, his heart ALSO does a thing, so-

heres a rEALLY stupid unrelated au/hc i got after hearing a friends disater story hfdjhskja matt goes on a blind (hehe) date with a girl and it's pretty much a disaster, it turns out she brought her friend who is also meeting a guy at the same place, and like. she's obviously incredibly wack she says blind people are god's mistake and stupid shit like that so matt gets up halfway through their meal to go sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes while he thinks of an excuse to leave? and eventually a guy comes in and he's like 'uh hey, dude, you in here? your date grabbed her friend and left so we're both dateless now, thats a relief for me and unless you're just having incredibly bad bowel movements i think it's pobably one for you since you Have been in here for like half an hour uh im foggy by the way' and then they go back out and sit together and talk about how wack that fuckin was and like. inadvertent date

hey i can talk a lot of shit about how matt falls asleep on foggy but. sometimes foggy falls asleep on or next to or with matt and matt goes !!!! and he does not move and then he eventually falls asleep with foggy head on his shoulder and his head on foggys and when FOGGY wakes up and realizes matts still there and is ALSO asleep he doesn't move and eventually falls back asleep and then it's just like. waiting until the time aligns that they're both awake at the same time because neither wants to move and wake the other send tweet

SOULMATE AU:

foggy looks up from his college bed, sees matt, and suddenly EVERYTHING is fucking rainbow and he's like 'oh fuck. oh shit. wait. this is a dude' and matt's like 'is everything ok my guy?' because foggy's like. >:O and of course he has no idea because he's blind but foggy doesnt realise this and for a hot minute he;s like "OH FUCK. ITS ONE OF THOSE RARE OCASIONS WHERE HES PERFECT FOR ME BUT I'M NOT FOR HIM," and is about to s o b before he's like wait a fucking minute

yknow the au where like. the first words you hear from your soulmate are marked on your skin at birth? foggy's are 'excuse me', absolutley common, a chance meeting, and he stops jumping every single time he hears them after age 8 when he realises just how many times that phrase is said. matt's are 'yeah, who're you looking for,' but he doesnt remember that, there's no constant reminder of it since he's blind, the nuns wouldn't tell him, the kids made up childish shit like 'poopoo', and stick DEFINITLEY wouldnt fucking tell him because hes stick and hes an asshead and eventually matt stops asking and caring. it takes WEEKS for after they meet for foggy to ask matt about his words and matt just says 'oh yeah, i dont remember. here" and shows foggy and when he sees them he's like. 'hm. sounds familiar' and forgets about it untill like two years later theyre drunk and talking about the first time they met and matt's like 'yeah you asked like 'who'm i looking for and then panicked because i was blind' and foggy's brain just like. short circuits for a whole ass minute and then when it clicks he just goes. "yOU"

TRANS MATT:

matt realises when he's still in the orphanage that mayhaps he hates being not a dude and haha! hes not gonna fucking come out to catholics he knows about That. he tries to tell stick, around the time their closest, and FUCK STICK he refuses to call him anything else or support him becaise stick is a peace of fuck shit FUCK STICK so that scars matt from coming out for a DAMN while so like. when he goes to college he introduces himself to everyone as matt and emails his proffesors like. 'hello please my name is redacted on your forms please call me matt its uh. a nickname' and he's not like. out to anyone but matt is close enought to his deadname that most people don't question it. foggy does, though, a little while after they meet, and matt is so fed up with not telling people and being called the wrong pronouns he just goes 'i want to be a guy ok' and goes absolutley APESHIT when foggy's like 'oh, cool. do you want me to use he pronouns for you' because wait. people are...ok sometimes? and matt's like. about to cry

alternatley: matt says "I don't wanna be a girl." and foggy goes "oh hey are you trans? same hat!" and then foggy tells matt like. binding tips and shit and theyre Good ok

deadpool kills transphobes, sm n dd just fucking beat the SHIT out of them in a back alley and like. they let DP know where they are but whatever happens happens :D

elektra, impaling two transphobes onto the side of a building with her knives: matthew, i know you can hear me, why

one day elektra sees matt has dumped a guy on her roof and just. sighs and goes back inside and matt waits for like 15 minutes before halfheartedly picking up the dude and dropping him off at franks.

matt dropped them off at nats One Time and she went apeshit and hunted down like 20 more of them.

foggy, holding a bat: cmon matt let me kill ONE matt: 'fine but if you get caught im not going to be your lawyer.'

INTO THE DEVILVERSE AU:

earth 14512/TRN700 (peni parker’s universe) matt murdock has a robot seeing eye dog who's also a vigilante

hddjdsjdhdn they all show up to earth 6's foggy and he just. sighs and all the devils start crying because He Is Here

hmm ok. canonically we know nothing about miles's matt but we know he exists and is known figure because miles knows of him but doesn't know he's daredevil i'm Prefty Sure so like. i'm gonna say he's just a successful lawyer who has radarsense but never got yoinked away from the orphanage by stick and never got training so like. hemndhdjsjnow the QUESTION is who finds that matt because there's a Very Different outcome depending on if like. murderdock meets him first or the matt from hobopeters universe does

hmm. murderdock comes in first like gwen does but doesn't out himself as competent w like swords and shit. but he OH HES THE OPPOSING FORCE FOR UH A COURT CASE MATT IS IN AND MATT HAS NO IFEA HOW SIMILAR THEY LOOK BECAUSE HES BLIND HRNNNNNHSHDHDHDJ and then matt from HP's universe comes in like HEY YOURE ME RIGHT. what the FUCK i need the laws in this dimension STAT and murderdock ':"sees" him and is like ah fuck. my goose may be uhhh cooked

ok mileses matt is like 'so what brought y'all here??? hhh???? and murderdock sighs and goes well my boss who's not really my boss from MY universe is doing something stupid here and opened a dimensional portal and it could maybe tear the multiverse apart which i guess i'm not stoked about' and matt's like 'who's your boss?' and murderdock begrudgingly says 'wilson fisk' and matt immediatley goes >:O because he's CONSTANTLY defending people who were injured as a result of what fisk and his company do

anyways. matt immediatley rushes to foggys because "foggys my partner, he's helped me deal with fisk, he knows him, he can help," and he swings open the door and like. one of two things happens actually either A: foggy is like matt. MAATT. AHAT IS GOING ON WH. WHY IS THERE A TALKING DEER WEARNING SPANDEX WHO CLIMBED THROIGH MY WINDOW MATT PLEASE HE SAYS HES Y O U or like. matt walks in and deerdevil is playing pattycake with robodog and daredevil noir is incessantly flirting with foggy and when matt comes in foggys like 'hey. i don't know what's going on but i think i'm trading my best friend'

murderdock is like...the cool college student who tells freshies about weed murderdock: so, you don't know how to fight right matt: no??? i'm blind??? md: but you can kinda see right. matt: yeah like a radar kinda md: normal blind people can't do that you know matt: they wHAT md: you can listen to heartbeats if you try hard enough. you can tell when people are lying matt: i can W H A T md: yeah. what me to teach you how to kill a man matt: W H AT NO IM A L A W Y E R WH

hrnnn the matts in this universe push our matt away to stay with foggy because he doesn't deserve 2 die and you KNOW every matt pushes people away but foggy is like. matt i know you tried it's ok i lov you buddy and he's like HRGGHHHH FUNCK YOU and makes foggy tell him stories untill he can distinguish lies and hide in a place around their office untill matt can like. find him instantly and training montage shit you feel me and he rolls up to the collider in his black pjs like "hello my fellow devil men. i hear you all have no plan. well. i don't either but i'm here" and one matt is like. how did you go-OH YOU DID IT and all the mats high five and cry a littlethey're still reluctant to let matt come help but they're all like. "we're all depressed and suicidal anyways we all have big guilt and if we didn't let him i lnOW he's gonna have big guilt forever he can stay"

THE PENUMBRA PODCAST AU:

foggy is a private eye, kinda depressed a lil bit, and he works w his secretary karen who helps him with tech and stuff because he is god awful at all that

"mike whatevermaggiesmaidennameis" is an occult specialist from dark matters agency assigned by an agent natasha of dark matters to help him with his current case.

foggy does NOT want to do this with any damn occultist or whatever the hell but before he can escape mike shows up and god DAMN is he charming and catches him before he can climb out the window, so. that's that for introductions. anyways, hijinks, elektra is cassandra, if you care listen to the murderous mask, anyhoo foggy stars to notice something is kinda weird about matt but brushes it off. they finish investigating and retrieve an important artifact.

it's cold, mike says. sorry dude, all the places near here are closed, foggy says. is your place? mike asks. oh, says foggy they go back to foggys place and maybe make out a little bit, but foggy realizes oh shit, mike just tried to steal the keys to my safe where i stored the artifact, shit, and plaxces him under arrest before he can do anything, and calls the cop cops.

they come to take mike away, and minutes later foggy finds a note, scrawled INCREDIVLY messily, in his pocket. "sorry," it says, "i wasn't tricking you about anything i said, and i meant everything i did. -matt murdock ps. check around, say, X avenue. you may have to do a bit of cleanup." when foggy checks cameras that overview there, he find the officers that took murdock from his apartment hogtied together, and sees their clothes strewn on the ground - forming letters - with love. their car is gone. PODCAST AU:

matt listens to podcasts a lot right and so foggy is like hmm mayhaps this is a good idea. but the type of podcasts they listen to differs so incredibly like matt listens to serial and the wildest one he listens to is probably judge john hodgman whereas foggy listens to shitpost podcasts like mbmbam and can i pet your dog foggy keeps referencing mbmbam around matt because he just assumes that he listens to it and matt is so confused every time and one day foggy says "damn matt you're really horny for this one huh" and matt just snaps and says FOGGY WHAT DO YOU M E AN

so then they are like oh shit you're not listening to the good ones. no YOURE not listening to the good ones. solution? listen together which means sharing earbuds which means sitting next to eachother on small college bed which means????? cuddling

also eventually they decide fuck it. let's make our own podcast and they combine the mbmbam and jjh format so they get questions and do goofs and stuff and then give actual legal advice but sometimes foggy will be like "ok. here's what you do. you need a cat? go into the pet shelter and take one. what are the gonna do beat you up with their cat toys? didn't think so." and matt starts crying because "Fo g g y WE ARE LAWYERS I KNOW YOURE GOOFING BUT THATS ILLEGAL FOGGY YOI CANT TELL OUR LISTENERS TO GO DO CRIME"

COFFE SHOP AU:

matt has a caffeine addiction and constantly comes to foggys coffee shop and orders one black coffee every morning and foggy eventually is like. hey buddy. do you EVER drink ANYTHING F U N EVER

matts like...no...i need coffee as strong and dark as my soul... and foggys like ok edglelord. wait up i'm about to change your life

foggy makes him a latte that's just a little bit caramelly but not too sweet and he's like here. drink this. no charge you deserve to live a little. also here's your boring edgy coffee you still have to pay me for that one. matt tries it and he's like hmm. not bad, but just not. Good and foggy is like wow fuck you. i'm going to find a good drink for you that isn't this hell water so every morning matt comes in and foggy gives him a black coffee and a free Fun and Cool coffee on the house

matt always is polite even when foggy can tell he DESPISES what foggy made but he's not going to stop untill he finds something god damn it matt

ok anyways they start meeting up more. matt starts taking his breaks in the coffee shop and and foggy hmmm...always seems to have a shift off when matt comes down..hmm. coincidence....hmmm....theo suffers for him by covering all his shifts when matt comes in and he's like well, actually fuck work

eventually foggy is like hey dude. do you wanna test my drinks before they go on the menu or help me perfect my recipes and shit you have a good toungie right (matt goes apeshit, because fuckin FOGGY YOU CABT SAY THAT) but he's like haha yeah. that'd be fun. haha

and then foggy finds out matt is INCREDIBLE at baking when he hands him a cookie and matt goes. hmm. too much flour add a fourth a cup less and a pinch more of saltand he's like??? bitch. i'd like to see you do better. and then matt does

so basically every day foggy closes up a little earlier and lets matt in and they dick around in the kitchen and bake and make coffee and foggys shop gets more and more popular because hey this already really good joint just started selling the most BALLER carrot cAke waht the fucké

anyways fall comes around and foggy is like GUES WHATT ITS TIME FOR WHITE GIRL DRINKS TRY THIS and he gives matt a pumpkin spice latte and matt is like. •.• THIS IS IT. THATS THE ONE

and foggy starts crying MATT PLEASE YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. PKEASE MATT, MATT I CANT ADD PSL YEARROUND BECAUSS YOURE A BASIC WHITE BITCH MATT

he bullies foggy into keeping the latte on the menu by threatening to stop helping him bake and foggy is SO OFFENDED, on behalf of good taste everywhere, matt, please,

anyways foggy continues rags on matt for only liking the shittiest fucking drink god damn it matthew fucking hell i make you 3 billion and THIS is the one you pick you disaster and matt is like haha shut up. stoopid

foggy doesn't, and you can guess where this be headed because i'm gay and soft,

matt kisses him and foggys like. ?????????? and matt goes AH FUCK. I COULDNT THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO GET YOU TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH SORRY. GUESS ILL GO and foggy throws cookie dough at him and drags him back over because he's not leaving fuck that. fuck you. and then they're happy and domestic the end

wait i lied matt opens a pro-bono firm in the back of foggy's shop and he gives all his clients freshly baked dessert and coffee and he's so good at being a lawyer and foggy becomes so good @ running his shop that customers keep coming and they're the Cute Gay Couple everyone knows abt and loves

ACCIDENTAL (?) KISSING:

SO. there are so many god damn moments foggy nearly fucking breaks and smooches matt out of sheer unbridled uwu soft feelings. SO MANY. when they win their first mock trial together and matt looks so FUCKING happy and he tells foggy how good they work as a team and foggy is about to lose his mind but he just goes. 'haha yeah' and gives matt a fist bump they finish taking the bar: matt's had to take it in a seperate room, stupid blind accommodations. he finishes first because OF COURSE HE DOES HE'S MATT MURDOCK and the second foggy finishes and leaves the room he sees matt there and he's filled with so many emotions he's about to go apeshit but he manages to contain them JUST enough not to make out with matt on the spot but gives him the tightest fucking hug and matt's like "ok buddy! love you too! please dont break my ribs!" and foggys too happy to notice matt forgot to flinch like he didnt know foggy was coming

Foggy gets the sign to matt and he can tell how fuckin stoked matt is and all he can think about is how grateful he is that the two of them get to work together and fucking do GOOD together and he's trying to express that in his awkward foggy way and he's GOING to kiss him right then and there!! hes about to do it look out world!!! and then matt says "you're NOT going to kiss me" and foggy realises haha YEAH THATD BE A BAD IDEA HUH and jokes it off and gives matt another hug - "i'll be careful not to break the ribs this time, buddy, seems like you've been falling over and hurting yourself enough recently,"-

foggy almost kisses matt out of anger when he finds out he's daredevil, when he won't shut up about how this city needs him and foggy would have done the same and blah, blah, bullshit because maybe then he'd FUCKING listen to him, or at least it'd shut him up, but the honest betrayal he feels - at matt for not telling him and at himself for STILL having a part of him that wants to kiss matt - is enough to get him just to leave : ^)

alright. the gang is watching fisk get carted away and see that SHIT, he's broken out, of course it wasnt going to be this easy. matt puts karen in a taxi goes to run off and foggy grabs him by his coat because MATT. you're not going to go fight fisk in your god damn pajamas right now it's too dangerous you're going to die you stupid son of a bitch idiot

and of course matt doesn't listen, he tells foggy to get back into the car with karen, go to his place, they'll be safe there, and grabs his own taxi

and foggy's left to sit there with karen in the cab as it drives Oh Too Fucking Slowly to matt's, and he's mumbling curses all the way and karen is trying to calm him down, he doesnt know why he's so worried, and all foggy can think about is what if matt dies because i didnt stop him and what if karen never gets to hear it from him and about 10 billion what-ifs that wont leave him the FUCK alone, and he sits next to the windowsill he knows matt comes in through and waits, not even wanting to look at the tv because what if he sees worse news Hrgh

matt beats up fisk and he barely even waits for the cops to get there, he gets one look and confirms 'yup, that's mahoney,' and fucking BOOKS it to his apartment, he climbs through the window and foggy's just sitting there waiting, karens in the next room watching the broadcast at a 3 minute delay on her phone, matt doesnt have a tv hes BLIND >:,\

and when matt comes in, bloody and beaten up and doing That Panting Thing He Does, but definitley alive, foggy just fucking. grabs him by the shoulders and kisses him because HE IS A L I V E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and matt is suprised but he doesnt even try to protest because he's still riding the adrenaline from the fight

anyways. foggy pulls away for air and says 'you're so fucking stupid and i hate you' and then matt kisses hIM because uhh, thats FOGGY

and it's a minute later that matt senses another heartbeat and realizes karen's standing in the doorway, and she raises an eyebrow and obviously trying not to panic asks 'uh, foggy, pray tell, buddy, why you're making out with the devil in matt's bedroom' and foggy goes apeshit and tries to think of an excuse that doesn't invole 'uh thats matt' but it just kinda comes out as some stupid shit like 'i,,, uh,,,,, secret,...affair,,?i',m....gay." and matt just sighs and pulls off his helmet like "hey karen. it's me. hey karen whats poppin its me blind matt murdock" and needless to say they all have a Lot to talk abt

DRUNK KISSING:

so like. the first year they're together matt and foggy go out a lot, and it's mostly foggy dragging matt places and matt reluctantly coming because A) if someone doesnt watch foggy this idiot is going to puke and pass out in a ditch and B) he really like his company shh. no telling because that gay

anyways matt usually only drinks a little but foggy is mad lightweight right. he doesn't get shitfaced too often, usually only after exams or when he knows he has no classes the next day. when he does get shitfaced though he absolutley loses his shit and becomes even more touchy than usual, which is VERY TOUCHY because fuck you its my au and i get to choose the default affection levels

so basically. once foggy starts hugging matt and leaning on him and whining into his shirt about the 'hot girls' and 'killer nachos' at the party matt knows it's time to head home and foggy is too busy wrapping his arms around matt to notice he's being dragged out untill its too late

and y'know, thats fine, that's usual, all normal friend stuff, except what foggy also has a tendancy to do when he's drunk is kiss matt. sometimes its on his cheeks, or his forehead, or his shirt?? matt doesnt get that one??? and sometimes foggy even tries to go for the lips when hes particularly wilde. matt knows to expect this by the third time they go out, but it's still always a suprise when it happens, because sometimes it'll be out of nowhere when theyre walking back, or foggy'll stop matt and grab his cheeks and kiss him? sometimes they'll get all the way back to the dorm and matt will make foggy lie down and foggy will grab his shirt and pull him close enough to give him a quick peck before rolling over and promptly beggining to snore

which, y'know, is absolutley great for a maybe-gay-for-his-best-friend-catholic. what's also great is that foggy never seems to remember the fact he kissed matt the night before, and if he does, he definitley does NOT bring it up

so that's fine. whatever. thats life and matt will pretend like he doesnt care when foggy gives him a smooch because hes straight and loves girls and jesus christ, no homo, amen

but THEN. . then matt and foggy have been studying for exams for weEKS and theyre FINALLY DONE, FINALLY, and they are both going to get wasted out of their mINDS you better BELIEVE IT

so they do! and eventually they stumble back to their dorm together and sit together on the floor with a half-downed bottle of tequila and matt decides fuck it. he tells foggy he's never kissed a guy and foggy is like "haha cool. i have." matt's like "haha was it good" and foggys like "hell yeah man better than girls" so matts like hmm. "foggy i think i want to kiss a guy" and you can guess where this is goin

foggy is an oblivious little shit and just thinks matt's having a gay awakening so he's like "oh cool" and matt starts vibrating at inhuman frequency because FOGGY THIS IS THE ONE TIME I"M BASICALLY ASKING YOU TO DRUNK KISS ME AND YOU D O N T" so he just goes "haha yeah." and foggy's like "haha yeah"

and then matt chugs the bottle of tequila and says "foggy i think i wanna kiss you" and then he does but he's a good christian and also stupid so he just like. goes mwah on foggy's cheek

and foggy stares at him for like 15 seconds before basiclly challenging him to 'kiss him like a man, murdock, how are you supposed to get the gay experience if you dont go all in' and then they make out for like 20 minutes and life is good

(they both wake up w the worst fucking hangovers and theyre passed out on the floor and matt's like "foggy....im gay..." and foggys like "haha do you remember i kissed you" and matts like "????foggy i kissed YOU" and foggys like "oh yeah you did. you should have done that earlier" and matts says "????you were too busy trying to kiss me" and foggy goes "oh haha i was. cool" and then they fall back asleep...then they.....boyfriend.s)

FLOWER SHOP/TATTOO ARTIST AU:

so. matt is a florist and he runs a little shop across the street from an empty piece of real estate. a tiny place that used to be a deli but had just the WORST sandwiches, it was no wonder they closed down, god damn. anways. matt runs his shop with his best friends kirsten and karen who have IMPECCABLE taste in flowers and less impeccable taste in impulse control and not being huge lesbians.

one day this dude pulls up into matt's shop. his request is maybe the strangest matt's ever heard - 'can you get me two bouquets of like, the most metal flowers you have? like, ones that just look super cool but also, yknow, smell super good and sick and shit?'

matt laughs, and tells the guy that yeah, he can't help with the looks part, but he'll make sure to get him some that smell 'quote' sick and shit, come back tomorrow morning and they'll have some ideas-hey, what are these for anyways?

and the guy tells him, oh, hah, i'm moving in across the street, opening a little tattoo place? wanted some flowers to make it seem more, uhh....welcoming. matt laughs and says yeah, sure, cool, and tells him if he has anymore questions to call the store and ask for matt. the guy tells him if he ever wants a tattoo just cross the street and ask for foggy and unless the flowers matt gives him really suck he won't do him dirty and tattoo a dick on him

so anyways, they have a couple meetings, foggy decides on the flowers he wants and thanks matt and tells him hey, he should come check out the shop, it's opening tomorrow, and foggy wants to be able to point to the guy who did the sick florals. matt doesnt have anything better to do and he likes the sound of this guy's voice so hell, he might as well

when he goes over matt realizes oh shit. he really is out of his element here, but he asks the guy at the counter for 'foggy' and is led over to a corner where foggy's sitting and tattooing...himself? and matt realizes hey. i kind of have no idea what this dude looks like

so he sorta. sits there awkwardly untill he asks like. 'uh. i cant actually see what youre doing' and foggy goes OH IM SO FUCKING STUPID. i'm. man, saying this out loud seems kinda really stupid and cheesy i cant believe i have to do this...i'm....it's one of the flowers in the bouquet you made me....i just thought it looked really neat and smelled good and it....kinda reminds me of you and OK i KNOW that sounds really weird we met like 4 days ago BUT you seem super cool and i kinda hope we can maybe like. be friends or hang out or something,

and matt's like. o//////o yeah okay. uh. thats cool. thats cool uh im sure the flower is really pretty haha i love that type haha UH DO YOU WANT TO GET LUNCH OR SOMETHING haha maybe ill get a flower tattoo one day its pretty cool that you do tattoos UH IM FREE TOMOROW WAIT MAYBE THATS TOO SOON IM SORRY UH IM FREE WEDNESDAYS,

and foggy just kinda laughs and says 'no, tomorrow works,' and hey! they make plans and get coffee together and matt's like so. what tattoos do you have and foggy starts listing a bunch and eventually matt's like :( i wish i could see them they sound beautiful and foggy's like. here. heres my arm can i. yeah ok. and he grabs matts ar,m and he's like ok. feel the skin, its still a little raised can you feel that? ok, run your fingers over here and i can like. tell you wjats there

cue like an hour of sensual arm touching and tattoo explaining and the more matt learns about foggy and his tattoos and the more he hears the way he talks the more he's like A) oh fuck, i kinda really like this guy whos letting me feel up his arms and B) do i want a tattoo? i kind of want a tattoo

anyways. time jump they hang out a bit more, foggy always comes into matt's shop and talks to him in between customers, shows him the patterns he's designing, etc, and one day he comes in with a paper that has a design of some flowers on it and shows it to matt and as he's running his fingers across it he stops and says 'foggy? will you do this to me'

and foggys like 'bud are you sure? first tattoo, right, do you-are you really sure you want to do this, like, when, and wh" and matt's like 'shut up and put this ink in my skin before i chicken out' so matt sits through a PAINFUL ASS TATTOO and when it's done he's like FOGGY CAN I TOUCH IT CAN I TOUCH IT FOGGY CAN I TOUCH IT and foggy has to physically restrain matt from fondling his tattoo because its FRESH MATT

so foggys like 'ok, this is cause for celebration! babys first ink! we;re getting beers cmon' and they both go out to drink and matt's like 'hey foggy...can i touch more of your tattoos' and foggy's like 'uh, sure, i have another armfull,' and they do that for a while untill matt gets to the one foggy did the first time he visited foggy's tattoo parlor and foggy's like hah. remember this one? and matt's like yeah. i do. and they kinda just. sit there for a minute and then foggy's like 'ok. im gonna kiss you now punch me if you hate this, flowerboy' and matt absolutley does not punch him, thank you very much

and when they finish having their moment matt's like 'wow. i shoulda....i shoulda asked to feel you up again way sooner if i knew you were gonna do that' and foggy's like 'hey...i'd let you feel me up anytime' and they both kind of laugh and decide ok, worm, this works, and decide theyre gonna do that more often

they start to go out for drinks / dinner / lunch / any time they possibly can, and matt learns the curvature of foggys (suprisingly muscley?) arms down to a t, but he runs out of space to run his fingers over one night, and foggy kisses him and says 'hey. i've got more tattoos, y'know, but i don't think many people would appreciate it if i showed them off to you here' and matt is like 'wh-O H'

and foggy laughs and drags him to his apartment and pulls of his shirt and says 'ok, we're alone now. tell me what you feel' and matt sits on the bed in front of him and theres lots of sensual chest stroking going on and then yeah. matt gets fed up with all this touching foggy and not enough of foggy touching him and. they fuck oopsie

and after that they decide worm. that was good, wanna do that more often, holy shit, and decide to actually date date and thats like. thats that babey!

but years later they open a joint shop, an absolute mess of soft/punk aesthetics and everyone knows them because matt is still a soft florist who just has a fewwwww dozen flowers inked all over him and foggy is the punk god who flexes his sleeves all over town but flexes his soft boyfriend husband even more tHE END

#long post #mattfoggy #hcs

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salt-sass-and-lyrium · 6 years

Text

Problems in tech support number ???/??? aka “Well fuck me for wanting to give you the right answer, I guess”

LONG POST

So it’s been a few hours (just now getting home) but just before I was done for the day I get a call from a woman named Nadine. That’s not even a fake name. Fuck this bitch.

Anyway, Nadine calls in, and the call starts like this

Me: *generic greeting* Nadine: *mumbles name* Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat your name for me again? Nadine: *literally shuffles the phone around as she’s talking so I only catch like part of what she’s saying* After two more times, I go Me: Could you just spell that for me please? Nadine: *rapid fast mumbles out her last name* Me: Ok, I need your first and last name to assist you. Can you please repeat it slower and clearer? Nadine: *finally gives her last name. Something with an L I don’t remember right now*

Me: Ok, what can I help you with Nadine: I’m calling because I need some help Me: Alright Nadine: *literally says nothing* Me: *waits* Me: What did you need help with? Nadine: *literally says nothing* Me: *louder* Nadine, how can I help you? Nadine: I need to send an email to a client, secure.

That’s actually super simple

Me: The system will automatically detect emails with [secure] in the subject line and encrypt them. So you just need to put secure *spells it out* in brackets. You know, the square parenthesis Nadine: Brackets? Me: The ones that look like a square, not the round ones. Nadine: Oh, ok.

I wait a few moments

Nadine: It doesn’t say it’s going to send secure Me: It won’t. If you have [secure] in the subject, it’ll automatically encrypt it when you hit send. Nadine: Well. I need ALL of my emails to send securely

You absolutely do not.

Nadine: I used to have it set so that every single email sends securely

Literally not a thing that we have

Me: Every email? Every single reply to any email sent secure? Nadine: *back peddling* Every external email

Again, not really a thing. Also not a thing you’d realistically want. Our secure emails are a fucking pain to get into so you wouldn’t want everything going out secure.

Me: ... are you sure? Nadine: *now bitchy* YES. And I need you to fix it for me.

Ok, so that’s not a thing that I can do because it’s not a thing we have. So I remote in with her, and low and behold, this bitch has the email with (secure) not [secure]. I explain this to her and she refuses to believe me. One of her coworkers comes over and literally says the exact same thing that I did. Nadine corrects her mistake, is super nice to her coworker, then turns back to being a bitch to me

Nadine: SO I have a VERY important client who needs to send me some files securely. How can she do that? Me: Well, we can’t control how someone emails you-- Nadine: Yes you can! You’ve done it before!

Nope

Me: Nadine. That’s literally not possible. We can’t control how something leaves a completely different network. Nadine: WELL YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT Me: There’s nothing to figure out. It’s not possible. Nadine: WELL, how is she supposed to send me a secure email? Me: I don’t know what options she has at her disposal so--

At this point Nadine starts shouting over me about how majorly important this client is, and how she has to send in a TON of VERY important extremely sensitive documents. Ok, so I figure this is a huge deal, so I start

Me: Well, there’s a few ways she could do it. If it’s a lot of files, your best bet would be a site like Dropbox or Intralinks-- Nadine: *cuts me off* No. NONONONONO! NO. That is not right Me: ...????? Nadine: I need to know how she can send files to me securely. What do I tell her to do?

Ok, I was just trying to explain that to your dumbass but ok.

Me: Again. If she’s just sending you an email, she’ll have to encrypt it on her end. If she’s trying--- Nadine: Well, a lot of other banks

Intermission: I fucking hate it when people say “well other companies have XYZ”. Ok, but this one fucking doesn’t, Fam.

Nadine:-- have a place where customers can just upload files to.

We don’t have that.

Me: We don’t have that. Nadine: *angrily* So, so what? What do I do? Me: I was trying to tell you-- Nadine: She wants me to send her a secure email and then she just replies with the files attached. But she wants it encrypted Me: Well, if it’s a TON of files, our max attachment size is-- Nadine: *cutting me off* That’s what she wants to do. You need to tell me how.

And at this point, my customer service is just ... I don’t give a fuck

Me: I’m not 100% positive on this, but I believe if she replies to your secure email *boring explanation*. But, as this is very important, I’d like to double check, if that’s alright? Nadine: Yeah fine whatever. Me: *puts her on mute for all of 2 minutes, tops while I research. It’s 6:30 something, so pretty much everyone is gone for the day* Nadine: UH. HELLO? Am I still on hold? Me: Yes, I’m still here. I’m just trying to get a confirmation that that will work-- Nadine: Ok. Fine. Me: *resumes researching* *messages the few people who’re still here* Nadine: UHHH HELLO? Me: Yes, I’m still here. I will let you know when I have a definitive answer. Like I said, I don’t want-- Nadine: Ok. Whatever. This is ridiculous. Me: Unfortunately, you called at 6:30 at night. The network and email teams are all gone, so I can’t get a quick answer from them. So I’m conferring with as many of my colleagues as I can to try and get-- Nadine: OK WHATEVER.

At this point, I’m starting to get annoyed. This goes on for probably 10 minutes, largely because I keep having to stop and repeat myself to Nadine.

Nadine: Can you IM me please? Me: Why? Nadine: I need your contact info Me: ... why? Nadine: I just. I need it. Right. Now.

Now, I am under zero obligation to provide such info.

Me: Again. Why? Nadine: Just IM me. Now. Me: Once more. Why? Nadine: DO IT

Nope

So I ignore her and go back to trying to get an answer for her. Maybe a minute or so late, Nadine starts bitching again.

Nadine: This is unacceptable. I’ve been on hold for over 25 minutes. I NEED your contact information right now so I can leave feedback Me: Nadine. This call has not even been 25 minutes. It’s been about 15. So, no, you’ve been on hold for only a few minutes, and I’ve explained to you what I’m doing. Now you can take my initial suggestion and hope for the best, but I’d recommend-- Nadine: See?! Things like this is why I need your name. Me: I told you my name at the beginning of the call. Nadine: Well, I need your contact info.

So, she’s been screaming at me for pretty much this entire call, and is getting increasingly aggressive. Fuck all if I’m gonna give her my personal info.

Nadine: I’m asking you to give me your contact info. Me: Why? Nadine: What if we get disconnected? Me: In the event we get disconnected I always try and call the customer back. Or you can call us. Nadine: Well, how am I supposed to get tech support?? Me: ... the same way you got it now. Just call. Nadine: WELL. What if I need to IM you? Me: Look, I don’t do tech support through IM. It’s not proper procedure. If you need support, give us a call or email or open a ticket through the self service portal. Nadine: UGH can you just IM me? Me: Why?

At this point Nadine starts shouting and screaming about how ridiculous this is and demanding my contact info. Again, I gave her my name at the end of the call, and it’s emailed to her when an incident is opened anyway. But, I don’t especially feel the need to repeat myself or explain that. And I don’t have to.

Nadine: I want your contact information. NOW. Me: No.

And the line just goes dead.

It’s rare that I tell a customer flat out no to a request. This is the first time in a while. But given that the request was idiotic... no.

Nadine: Uh. What did you just say? Me: No.

Nadine sits in silence obviously expecting me to say something else. I don’t.

Nadine: SO. What are you going to do? Me: Well, I’d planned on resuming helping you with your issue. But if you don’t want me to-- Nadine: *literally screaming into the phone* JUST DO IT.

So I take the time to put her on hold and dick around on the internet for a bit before resuming researching because real talk I’m petty af sometimes. I check back in with her, tell her we’re all putting our heads together because the info we have is extremely outdated and we don’t want to give you the wrong answer. She seems to calm down a bit, then:

Nadine: UH. Hello?? HELLO? Me: Yeah, I’m here. Nadine: So, what are you doing to fix this? Me: I’ve already explained that. Nadine: Can you IM me, please.

We’ve been over this

Me: No Nadine: Well. I want your info. Me: I’m under no obligation to provide it.

Nadine stammers a bit, before huffing and puffing and presumably going back to work. We think we’ve figured out the answer to her question, and we’re just testing it our selves to be sure.

Nadine: This is absurd!! Me: Ok. So I think we’ve figured--

Nadine then launches into this super passive aggressive rant. I pretty much just ignore her so tbh I’m not entirely sure what all she said.

Me: Anyway. We’ve figure-- Nadine: I need to give feedback about this call. Me: You’ll get the opportunity to do so once your ticket is closed. Nadine: Well. You need to spell your name for me. Me: No, I don’t.

More huffing and puffing.

Me: Again, this call took so long because it’s a question we didn’t have clear information on. You stressed how importat this client is Nadine: She is extremely imporant to [redacted] Me: And how sensitive the files she’s sending you are Nadine: She doesn’t want them to send unsecure. Me: Right, which is what we’re trying to avoid. I don’t want to say “yep, that’ll work” and have it not and upset a customer, or put ourselves in risk of a data breech. I want to give you the right answer (which I’ve already figured out, she just won’t let me tell her). The info we have is very outdated, which is why I’m not fully trusting it.

Here’s the fucking kicker:

Nadine: Ok. I understand that. I understand you’re trying to do your job and help me. And thank you for being thorough so you don’t give me incorrect information

For half a second I think she’s about to get reasonable. Nope.

Nadine: But, I’m still going to file a complaint. Me: *completely ignoring her* Anyway, so here’s what your client will need Nadine: did you hear me? I’m going to file a complaint!! Me: About what, specifically? Nadine: Well, this call has been awful and taken WAY too long. Me: Most of the time has been me stopping what I’m doing to answer you. Anyway, we confirm-- Nadine: So, you need to send me your information. Me: No I don’t. Me: *resumes trying to explain the process to her* Nadine: Look, look. I get that you’re doing your job, and you want to be sure you’re correct. And I really do appreciate it. But I’m still going to file a complaint.

TBH I don’t give a fuck about this job rn.

Me: Sure. Now, your client will--

Nadine interrupts me again, and begins shouting more and more. Again, I pretty much ignore her and start packing up my shit because it’s about time for me to get off.

Nadine: Do you understand me?!

Nope

Me: Nadine. Would you like me to tell you what your client needs to do or not? Nadine: I want your name and phone number. Me: I’m not going to provide that. Do you want me to--

Nadine starts shouting more and more. This shit is getting REAL old.

Me: Nadine. If you need technical assistance, you can call TSC. For this particular issue, anyone who answers could assist you. I do not do tech support via IM. That’s not proper procedure. I’m attempting to assist you

Nadine: SPELL. YOUR. NAME. Me: No.

I just let the call hang in silence because clearly she’s not used to being told no.

Me: Now would you like my assistance or would you like to figure it out yourself?

That shuts her up. I give her an explanation of what the client needs to do. She asks me to IM her instructions. Nope, not that stupid. I tell her I’ll email it to her. She says it needs to come from my personal (work) email. Nope.

Me: All emails need to be sent through the ticketing system (technically accurate, to keep accurate track of communication). I am not going to send it from my normal email.

We go back and forth more and more, Nadine demanding to know my full name, where I’m located, etc. I refuse to tell her because fuck you psycho lady. Which just pisses her off more. Eventually I just start talking over her and end the call. I bring her up to my coworkers and apparently yeah she’s just a bitch like that.

I honestly hope she files the complaint. Because all of our calls are recorded now. So they’ll play it back and see that she was behaving wildly inappropriate. I guess we’ll see what happens.

TL;DR: Nadine is a bitch who doesn’t listen. She asked a question we didn’t have a clear answer on, and me not wanting to give her the wrong answer, start researching and reaching out to people. It’s super late, so hardly anyone is around, and the documentation we have is old as shit. The question is for a “very important” client, so ofc I don’t want to give the wrong answer, I tell her I’m going to research it and ask around and she flies into rages at me, demands my personal information and threatens to file a complaint because I’m, in her own words “doing my job”.

Fuck you, Nadine.

#this isn't even all of it i cut out like half the call #problems in tech support #tech support #long post

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apricot--pprincess-blog · 6 years

Text

storytime: this boy sucks and ruined me but I miss him

for special reasons I’m gonna call this boy Red since that was his favorite color the last time I checked.

alright first thing’s first I'm gonna describe him because the person I knew was way different than how he is now and I want to relish in our bittersweet past.

he had kind of curly (wavy?) brown-ish hair that he left messy with one specific curl that would fall on his face and would lay there every day. he had brown eyes with black flecks and pretty little freckles that had the average freckle tint. he has olive skin and rose petal lips. his hands were huge, compared to mine, which matched him perfectly as he was very tall and pretty skinny. he ended up cutting his hair into an unkept mohawk that he dyed red. I loved his hair. I remember vividly running my hands through it and him scrunching up his nose a lot. he didn’t mind me “observing” him the way I did but I definitely did, it’s part of the reason why I hate being stared at now, he would always do it to me. he grew in stature and muscle mass but could still pick me up in his arms back then which he loved and I definitely didn't hate.

we met on the first day of a new school. he was new too, in fact we all were. I met him in my wood shop class and he sat next to a boy (who was definitely and for sure not made up) named Philip. us three were close and Red could see that most of my friends were boys so he asked me to be his girlfriend like three months into talking because he was “worried someone else would take you (me)” which kinda really flattered me because back then I fully despised myself. I thought I was an ugly, dumb, misunderstood mess as I was that one teenager with the bangs in the face looking down and pretending like I was misconceived when in reality I’m an open book. I also tried to restrict my eating habits which is really bad and might be discussed later.

I “fell” for him quick and when it was appropriate he’d hold my hand and hug me and occasionally kiss me on the forehead or cheek when nobody was looking just so we wouldn't be that one couple in school.

he made me feel happy, him being my first boyfriend I was more naive than a regular girl of that age would be. my mom despised him which was understandable. after breaking up for a bit over the summer after the first year our romantic relationship began we started talking again but he had a girlfriend named Autumn (totally not made up) she was really... unlike him I guess? she was maybe 1 or 2 years older than him and I hated her. I judged her. really hard.

(okay wait so during the summer for some time we dated then broke up I think I suck at time sorry)

one day he's texting me as we usually did every day, all the time. he said he wish he had someone to cuddle. at this point I wasn't sure if he was still dating that girl but I assumed not as he talked sort of negatively about her. I should’ve asked. he came over and we cuddled and watched Bravest Warriors. I started crying in his arms and he apologized. we kissed and I smiled. we kept occasionally kissing throughout the 1-3 hours he was at my house. after that day him coming over and watching tv became a regular thing. eventually my mom saw changes in me. she said I was getting angry really quick, I was rude, I was irresponsible and I was just radiating negativity. she took my phone and left me with my MacBook and I decided not to contact Red because I came to my senses a bit. I started reading books again, listening to my music, dressing different and I changed completely.

finally, it was time for the beginning of this year. I didn't talk to Red at all but I walked into the school doors and walked up to my locker and while I was going up the stairs I felt two people talking behind me but I decided to ignore them and when the stairs ended and the flat floor began I felt arms around me and recognized those big hands. a part of me felt ecstatic and comforted but another part of me was scared and angry so after he decided to let go I turned around and saw our friend Matthew walking with him so I asked both of them how they were and stuff because I’m not gonna ignore him. I’m dumb, not rude. so we get to my locker and from there I put my bag in my locker and after a bit of talking about something probably stupid the bell rang and I started walking to my first class. I saw my best friend there (let’s call her Allie) and we talked over what we did over the summer and how we’ve changed which by the way was the exact same except I'm Roman Catholic and she converted to being Mormon. we’ve always been really similar. anyways after class we started walking to our next class which we had with Red. I walked in and sat next to Allie and less that one minute of entering the room I heard my name whispered amongst this boy I used to know in elementary and a boy that had a crush on me the year before.

later Red walked in and sat sort of behind Allie and I and proceeded to talk with us normally. we told him we both got into the same stuff over the summer (church, school, a bright future, college, etc.) and he said something along the lines of “Oh that’s cool. I don’t believe in God but I respect that.” that was the last Red-ish statement I remember ever coming out of his rose petal lips that I'd know would soon fade into a lighter pink. Allie and I thought that was cool, and I started warming up to him again. he has a habit of being really charming which I would soon realize he would use as a weapon.

skip forward: I still don't have a phone and he emails me everyday after school. he tells me he’s kinda sad and lonely and I tell him I'm there for him.

skip forward: we start dating. after returning to our sweet habits he starts becoming out of it.

skip forward: he’s talking to one of my close friends and getting really close to her, flirting and touching her.

skip forward: he starts ignoring me entirely. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything without feeling sick to my stomach and being really sad.

skip forward: we break up. everyone tells me they’re so cute together and he’s getting closer to the mormon church. I can’t study or pay attention in school.

they eventually stopped talking because my one friend he was flirting with (let’s call her Maddie) starts seeing that he’s grown to be obsessed with her. I knew they wouldn't work but now he's really mad at me?? he never stopped ignoring me, but now I feel like he hates me. I was right. he left out friend group and started being really mean to Allie. he joins this group of really toxic, poser losers that all smoke weed and talk only like those cartoon people who say things like “dude nobody understands us bleehhhh” eventually he charms them into thinking I’M the bad guy. one of them sends the other to come up to me, sniff me and say, “You smell like one of the dogs.” I go home and cry and I was depressed for a pretty long time. he ended up spreading more rumors about me like ones that I did pretty inappropriate things for him and another boy. he tried to ruin me. I don't want to let him win but I miss the old Red.

ok im done

#sadstory #storytime #boys #acuteboy #crushstory #boyfriendstory #journalentry

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wanna1things · 7 years

Text

Radio DJ!Kim Jaehwan

the idea came to me because for like a good 3 years of my life i wanted to be a radio dj and idk jaehwan fits this au well...

Genre;; fluff +radio dj au is that a thing idk

Warnings;; unless you hate jaehwan, his laugh, and music then none lol

Pairing;; Kim Jaehwan x reader

Requested;; no this is just another thing from my backlog lol

Summary;; Jaehwan is the radio dj for your university radio station, and he’s looking for someone to present with him… maybe something more?

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1913

UH requests will be done by the end of the week!! just clearing the backlog of posts while i revise for my uni tests lol

jaehwan is pretty well known in your university for his job as a dj for the uni’s radio station

nobody knows what he’s studying, everyone assumes it’s music (they’re right), they just know he’s the guy with the weird laugh who hosts the midnight to 2am slot

aka when everyone is cramming

he plays pretty funky music at the start but by the end it’s chill tunes to help everyone wind down and actually get some sleep

you’re an avid listener

you stay up until 2am every day, not even to study just to listen to his show lol

you always make notes of the songs he plays because he seems to have almost the exact same music taste as you??

by the time it’s 2am your hand is aching from writing down all the songs he’s played lol

at 1am he always has a 5 minute gap where he covers a popular song on guitar and sings it too and sjhgfsjd it’s amazing you’re in love with his voice

it’s just…

you have no idea what he looks like

all of your friends know about your crush on the dj with the satanic laugh and they tease you 24/7

like lol how can you be in love with a guy you’ve never seen before

but theres some sort of;; connection that you feel with him lmao

anyway, as you walk into your class one day in the middle of the semester you notice a poster up on the pinboard

in handwritten bubble letters (you know the ones) it says

“kim jaehwan is recruiting!! send a playlist to my email [email protected] and i’ll rate you and decide on who will be my new co-host!! entries close at the end of the week!”

your heartbeat speeds up

now you have an opportunity to possibly meet the guy you’ve been crushing on since that one time you pulled an all nighter at the beginning of uni lol

you take note of his pretty stupid email address and take your seat at the back of the class

instead of listening you spend the whole time brainstorming your playlist sdhfhds

as soon as the lecturer dismisses you, you leg it out of the room and to your flat

but in your rush you accidentally run into someone

and by run i mean like you slam into this really cute guy

and you spill his drink lol

they seemed uh… pretty mad but honestly you were in such a rush to get back and sort out the playlist you just opened your bag and gave him a $5 bill to cover the costs lmao

as you walk away you swear you hear a familiar satanic laugh coming from the guy you just ran into but

you chalk it up to you just hearing things

you stay up until midnight sorting out the playlist and brainstorming

after trying to come up with themed playlists and stuff but losing motivation after a while

you decide to roughly follow the structure he uses in his show, funky and louder at the start and gradually getting softer

you put all of your favourite songs in there, and make sure to sprinkle a couple of ones that jaehwan plays regularly in there

and once you’re pleased with the result you send it to the email,, at exactly 11:59

before you know it jaehwans show is starting

“Hello fellow students!! It’s everyone’s favourite midnight dj Kim Jaehwan!! Thank you for all your submissions so far, i’ll be reviewing them tomorrow! For now let's get on with the show!’

you realise straight away the first song hes playing is the one you put first on your playlist

and you’re a bit creeped out but you just think its a coincidence i mean you two have the same music taste

but by the time the 5th song is playing eXACTLY the same as your playlist you realise

he’s literally just playing your playlist

you open up your email again and begin drafting a new email asking for an explanation like really why is he using your playlist??

within seconds you get a reply

“hello;; y/n;; yeah sorry about that you’re the only submission so far… i took a look at the first 3 songs and i decided i trust your choices enough to use your playlist for this show… hope you don’t mind??”

OF COURSE YOU DON’T MIND

you type a speedy reply because uh oh don’t want jaehwan thinking you’re mad

“hey jaehwan! i don’t mind at all!! does this mean i got the job lol??”

again in the space of 3 seconds you get a reply but this time it’s just two words

“no comment”

the next day you head into uni and you realise all of the posters jaehwan put up for recruiting have been taken down

honestly you’re a bit shook like does he not need a partner any more??

that is until halfway through your day you’re sitting in the library studying when you receive an email from the one and only worlds best dj kim jaehwan

“hey new partner! you’ve officially been recruited! meet me in the cafe in 20 minutes;; here’s my phone number _______!”

the first thing that comes to your mind is what do you save jaehwans number as dsjfgdfjh

you decide on ‘worlds no.1 dj’ and then pack up your work and make your way to the cafe

when you get there you see a guy sitting at a table on his own, looking at his phone suspiciously and sipping on his drink

when you look a bit closer you realise uh oh its the guy you bumped into yesterday don’t get noTICED

but after about 5 minutes of trying to hide from the guy you ran into, you still can’t spot jaehwan so you decide to ring his number

you’re mortified when you see the guy you ran into pick up his phone sjfhjs uh oh

you stay on the line and gradually make your way over to the table he’s at and sit down in the chair opposite him

he is honestly just as shocked as you

“okay y/n i have so many questions first of all why did you give me $5?? why were you in such a hurry?? what is this”

you can’t even process his questions because ok you just fell in love a litttttle bit more

i mean like this guy i mean jaehwan has the cutest cheeks and a really cuTE SMILE and really soft looking fluffy hair oh my god;;;

you’re almost about to grab your phone and call all of your friends like HA i fell in love with someone i’ve never seen and he turned out to be good looking as hell anyway LMAO

when he realises you’re not going to answer his questions he stands up and orders you an iced coffee lol

as he puts it in front of you, you thank him graciously and suddenly blurt out

‘thank you so much honestly i’ve been a fan of yours for a long time and we have the exact same music taste and i really admire you and you’re an amazing singer and musician an-’

‘woah okAY y/n i didn’t hire you just to hear compliments i mean i’m not complaining but you don’t need to thank me lol you have a gift with playlists that's whY i hired you’

he smiles at you really wide and you realise like you had nothing to be so nervous about he’s not got a grudge against you and hes also super nice?? at least he seems it

and so you’re welcomed to the radio family

at first everyone is so confused when your voice appears alongside jaehwan’s at 12am

but after a while everyone is very attached to your shows

you pick amazing songs together, you have gr8 banter and sometimes;; just sometimes you join in singing with jaehwan

after the show he always compliments you on how good you are at singing but tbh he’s so whipped he doesnt know

thats right

jaehwan was interested you from the moment you gave him instant compensation for running into him

and now, after spending all this time with you, he’s just like

so in love

like;; not only do you have mad talent but you also can deal with him and his annoying laugh like lets be honest most of his friends give up after an hour or two

even his best friend the business major minhyun can only handle him for so long lol

but you two are so in tune and theres some sort of connection between you two that words can’t explain;; one that you’ve been feeling for a LONG TIME

it doesn’t help that now there’s mad gossip going around

“that person that djs with jaehwan for the midnight slot?? yeah them i heard they’re dating jaehwan as well lol”

minhyun, who sometimes comes and sits to watch live action midnight slot, has also noticed that you both have pretty obvious feelings for each other

he’s noticed how when you look at jaehwan it’s like you’re looking at the whole damn universe

and how jaehwan can’t help but smile to himself whenever you smile

and he starts up a plan

a plan to convince jaehwan to confess

one night after the slot they walk you back to the dorm together

minhyun feeling like a bit of a third wheel lol

but as soon as you’re safely inside minhyun whispers to jaehwan

‘heyyyy jaehwan…. I know about your crush on y/n’

jaehwan turns briGHT RED

‘haha what do u mean i have no idea what you’re talking about buddy sorry’

‘bro;;; are you blind she likes you back’

nobody has ever seen jaehwan whip out his phone quicker

in a moment of madness he dials your number quicker than lightning and calls you down to the courtyard

minhyun makes his way back to his dorms on his own because he already knows this is too cheesy to watch i mean he could record it for blackmail but jaehwan would probably kill him if he did lol

as soon as you get downstairs with your dressing gown wrapped around you jaehwan kneels down on the floor like romeo-style

‘jaehwan if u have something to say please hurry up my hot chocolate is getting cold-’

‘y/n~~ i have loved you~~ since you gave me five dollars~~ im glad i walked into you~~ or technically you walked into me but still~’

is he really singing his confession? yes. this is jaehwan we are talking about

you’re not sure if it’s because of embarrassment or happiness but you can feel your cheeks heating up

‘jaehwan if this is you asking me to date you, i accept, but please come inside it’s cold lol’

of course he comes in and you share your hot chocolate

from that day on you were the cutest and most EXTRA couple ever

you announce your relationship in the show by playing the cheesiest love songs for an hour

at the end of the year makeshift awards you win the cutest couple award (and jaehwan wins weirdest laugh award, as expected)

you also win best duet award for your daily singing sessions at 1am

all in all you two are super cute and super extra

everyone is jealous but you’re still their fAVE COUPLE

listen i love jaehwan so much okay this made me so soft for jaehwan uGHH anyway i hope you enjoyed and that this wasn’t a disaster lol i’m going to SCHLEEP

#jaehwan #kim jaehwan #wanna one #wanna one imagines #wannaone #wannaone imagines #wannable #produce 101 imagines #Produce 101 #radio dj au #au #kjh #wanna one kim jaehwan #wanna one jaehwan #or should i say park jaehwan LMAOOOOOO

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saintkimora · 7 years

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well i finally found time to type this all up so! here is the story of how last last friday and saturday night went (not the ones from this weekend but the weekend before so like a week and a half ago). it isnt really a nice story but it is significant. first part is tristan then joel then tristan again, the tristan parts are good but the joel part is pretty bad. this is only part 1 btw! sorry @ that one anon a few days ago bc this might make you even more mad lmao

first part: tristan! so on friday i was in the library holding an online eboard meeting for gsa and tristan (the first guy i talked to for a while then hooked up with like 2 years ago and last christmas eve) was apparently studying in nexus which is the building next door to the library. and he sent me a snap (it was clearly the type you send to a lot of people it wasnt like an individual one) of him captioned i hate studying so i sent him one saying i hate planning events bc thats what i was doing. so we snapped back and forth for a while and then the library closed so i was leaving and he was like “come say hi to me in nexus” so i was like ok!

so i went and sat across the table from him and we talked for like an hour and a half and it was so nice! hes v good to talk to but our conversation dynamic was kinda similar to me and joel’s dynamic so that was interesting. he called me my voice cute at the beginning bc i was like “sorry if i sound weird im a little congested today” and he was like “no you sound like you always do, its cute” so i was like hm so then we talked and caught up and it was very good conversation! then at one point after asking how i was in general he was like “so how are you doing....romantically” and i told him how i was with someone rn but i was kinda having some issues and he was like oh ok and i asked him and he said hes looking but its hard bc people keep ghosting him so i was like aw :/ (but on the inside i was like well thats what you get for ghosting me all those years ago lmao)

also at one point i told him i go to the gym now so i have a little bit of muscle and he was like “yeah haha sure” and i was NOT about to take that so i was like “i can show you right now if you want” (i was wearing a tank and a zip up hoodie) so i took off one hoodie sleeve revealing my arm and i flexed and he was shook he was like “oh wow you werent kidding, thats actual progress” and i was like ha

after an hour and a half he had to go meet his friends or something so i went home. overall it was super nice! i loved talking to him so later that night i just sent him a nice text thanking him for spending time w me and saying how much i enjoyed it and then he thanked me for keeping him company and said he really enjoyed catching up so that was nice! then later that night things took a turn for the worst.....

so at this point it was friday night and joel and i were texting as usual, we were having a nice convo and were making jokes and what not. then after i asked about his day he texted me this “its fine but i just got another fucking email from slut A and im over it” and i was like “slut A......” and he was like “fucking tinamarie” (the girl who always causes trouble for his theatre club that gets him really pissed off even though it really isnt that serious) and i was like “yeah i figured but did you really need to call her that” and he was like “if youre literally gonna criticize every single word i say then im just gonna stop talking” so then i apologized like 3 times but he left me on read and didnt talk to me for the rest of the night

so! the second i read that final text i had like......a panic attack? or something? idk but it was a mess i got soooooooo cold instantly like i put on sweats socks a hoodie and 2 blankets and i was still trembling and my teeth were chattering so hard i couldnt even talk bc it just came out as gibberish and my toes were numb and my heart was beating fast and you know all that good stuff. i texted several hunties but none of them answered so i decided to text tristan! he was v nice and he comforted me and talked me through it which i appreciated. but like getting that text reminded me so much of the texts i would get from caleb so it just made all those feelings come rushing back and it was v overwhelming but i wasnt about to call joel about it bc he was already mad at me and i was scared i was gonna make it worse

about an hour later i sent him a long text saying how sorry i was bc he wanted to vent to me and i shut him down when i shouldve just taken his side and stuff bc i wanted to try to fix the situation. half of it was lies though like i was not sorry for what i did at all bc he should not be calling this tinamarie girl that! he didnt read that text until the next morning but even after he didnt respond. he was def still awake when i sent it though bc i saw him active on fb messenger slightly afterwards. anyways the next day tristan texted me again to check on me and see if i heard from joel which i hadnt by that point but i really appreciated that he went through the effort of doing that! joel and i had plans to go to the mall that day so i texted him around 4pm (this is saturday now) saying i hope his auditions went well and asking if he wouldve still liked to go to the mall w me. he said he wasnt feeling up for it bc hes tired and i was like not up for the mall or not up for me and he was like just the mall, you can come over instead. so i went over and brought him popeyes bc he was hungry and we hung out and watched dragula and talked and it was like a completely normal day so i was a little surprised he didnt bring up the events of last night. so like 3 eps into dragula s1 i asked him if he could pause it so we could talk so he did and this is where things got worse

so i was like “so....how are you feeling about what happened last night?” and he was like “well it was fucking annoying because i wanted to vent to you and you tried to school me, im already socially conscious, i know its wrong but it was the first thing that came to mind at the time” and i was like “well if you are mad at a woman and your first instinct is to call her that then that might be a problem” and he was like “can i be a fucking human?” like ???????????????? the STUPIDEST excuse like that makes no sense! you can be human without saying misogynistic things like.....annoying. he just had soooo many excuses he was like “oh its ok bc i would never actually say that to her face” like...ok great to know that being socially conscious is just a performative thing for you! if you only do it in public but are still problematic in private then like...whats the point

he was also like “it may seem like a small issue that isnt important to you but her emails are actually a huge problem. YOU wouldnt know since your organization isnt as involved, but her actions affect every area of the organization so its stressful to deal with her” like heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeee we go again idk why he always tries to drag my gsa for no reason. i didnt even say he couldnt be stressed or angry with her i just said he shouldnt call her what he did!

so now for when it got personal. so i told him i was like “i know you were mad and wanted to cool off so i wasnt gonna force you to talk to me, but it wouldve been nice if you just sent me a text like ‘oh perry im mad and dont wanna talk rn, i need some space ill talk to you later’ instead of just ignoring me for the rest of the night” and he was like “well i didnt have time i had too much going on with the organization” and i was like “i mean it takes 10 seconds to send a text” and he was like “well i didnt want to” OH so now the truth comes out! and then he was like “i was already stressed out with the email so then its like ‘oh now i have to deal with perry too’” and like..............that was really hurtful bc literally the main reason i rarely ever bring up any issues i have to him is bc hes already so stressed with everything else and i want to be a source of happiness in his life not another source of stress so im afraid to bring things up bc i dont want to add to his stress and be another thing that he has to “deal with” so like, he literally vocalized the exact reason im afraid to talk to him about these things so its just confirmed my suspicions and now i feel even worse about bringing up any issues i have with him

i didnt tell him about the panic attack yet but i did say “well i mean im sure you can tell i was upset, since i sent you a long ass apology text an hour after the convo ended. and if it was the other way around and i knew you were upset about something i said i wouldve dropped everything and called you right away to fix the issue” and he said.............. “well im not gonna prioritize you” like.... !!!!!!!!!!!!! ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great! we already knew i was at the bottom of his priority list but at least now he basically admitted it :/ i was just like well ok

that is the end of part 1 bc im splitting up this post lol

#personal

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

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TLDR: Dated someone for four months, after the first weekend we spent together (and kissed for the first time) she let me know that she just wants to be friends. Would like to get opinions on if I misinterpreted things or if she's just not telling me things for whatever reason (probably to try and spare my feelings)?Also kind of freaking out about the rules in here, am I breaking them? If so I'm sorry, please delete or do whatever you do.I'm an over 35 male and she's a year younger female - do I need to put exact ages? I'm really embarrassed and really don't want anyone I know, to know any details. Kind of hoping this is a common enough situation that if I don't post exact ages and specific locations, no one I know will see this? I'm pretty certain I'll lie if someone asks me. Hi people I know, please don't ask if you know who I am (and please don't do some weird stuff like wink and go: don't worry, I won't ask, because eff yeah that is going to freak me out again).Not sure how much of this is relevant and I ramble anyway when I'm nervous so apologies in advance for what is almost certain to be too much information - not in like a intimate details sort of way though, so don't worry about that.I guess my main question is: is it probably normal for me to be confused and freaking out (a bit)? Or is this just like normal it-sucks-getting-dumped-and-Im-pretending-to-be-confused (is that a thing)? Or does something not add up and there's another reason why she dumped me that she doesn't want to say, so maybe she thinks this is better?Met someone on Tinder. Went out for about 2 months with nothing more than a hug for contact. Neither of us tried anything even slightly romantic. This is pretty normal for me, the only time the other person didn't initiate it took more even longer than that before I kissed that person.2 months earlier, I asked her if she wasn't interested in dating. If she just wanted to be friends with me. And she said no. That night she invited me up to her apartment and we hung out for a bit, then knowing she had to get up early the next day I told her I would go so she could get some sleep. She decided to see me out of her building and when we were in front of her building, she asked if I wanted to kiss her. I didn't at the time and later that night she texted me and told me that she didn't want worrying about it, it didn't bother her. I texted back and told her that I did, but was just kind of surprised that she asked and kind panicked.The next day she went on a trip, texted me almost daily, sent photos, and texted me again when she landed at the airport. I offered to pick her up, she said her friend's husband was already going to pick her up because they're closer than I am. Other than that, everything seems fineWe go out that weekend, I bring her flowers, she invites me back to her apartment, we talk for awhile, then she wants to watch a movie, so we start watching while sitting on her bed (there's no living room/couch), at some point she starts to fall asleep so I leave, even though she says it's ok that I stay. then the next weekend, she stays at my place overnight, we both sleep in my bed, but she goes to sleep first and nothing happened.At first I wasn't even sure if I should sleep on the couch because we didn't talk about it. but the next morning we start talking and snuggle up. We end up kind of spooning, then after a bit she turns over so we're facing and holding each other. Everything still seems to be going great. I ask if I can kiss her and she says not now because she isn't wearing makeup (she won't let me see her face). So she eventually gets up and goes to the bathroom. Later that morning we kiss for the first time, it's awkward, but everything seems ok.(I think this part is relevant, not sure if this is the same husband that picked her up from the airport, if you think I'm conspiracy-theory crazy please let me know): A little later that morning she tells me one of her friends' husband asked her over for dinner that night, and that she thought it was strange because her friend was out of town. Later, she says she asked him if anyone else would be there and he replied asking her "what I'm not enough?" We both laughed, I never asked anything more about it, everything still seems fine.Later that afternoon I ask if I can sit next to her while she studies, she agrees, still everything seems fine. I sit near her on the couch then she gets up and sits right next to me, I put my arm around her and we hold hands. Later she initiates kissing, and the rest of the day it's like that. We mostly sit together and read something, alternate who initiates the kissing, get up and grab something to eat, hold each other and kiss, repeat. At one point we're reading about some people and she mentioned that one of them would be a perfect match for me, I tell her casually that I don't want anyone else, and ask if she's not interested in me, she apologies and tells me that she is interested in me. Everything still seems great afterwards, more holding and kissing.I drive her home early that evening, there were some awkward silences in the car a few times and I struggled to keep conversation going (which hadn't happened much before, if at all), but we went shopping and I helped her carry her groceries up to her apartment and then we had a long hug and I left.We exchanged a few texts the next day, still no red flags. The day after I tell her I'll be in her area and ask if she wants to meet for a bit before she has class, and she says she gets out of class late. I tell her ok, I'll check in with her some other time. We don't text each other until Friday afternoon when I ask how her week has been and if she's interested in seeing a movie over the weekend. She responds a few hours later, says her friend (I think the one whose husband asked her over for dinner while she was gone) invited her to the mountains that weekend so she can't and that she's sorry. I tell her not to worry about it and tell her to have fun.Then a couple days later she sends an email, saying I probably wondered what happened because she suddenly seemed distant and apologized because it probably made me feel a little uneasy, and that she wants to be friends and hopes we can still spend time together, but it feels unnatural to kiss and hug me, because I feel like a brother to her.I thanked her for letting me know, said I was embarrassed, sorry for misunderstanding how she felt, and for making her feel uncomfortable. She responded back asking why I was embarrassed and said that she wanted to get closer with me and that she wanted to meet next weekend. I told her it was ok, thanked her again for telling me and repeated that i was embarrassed.So... I think I'm reaching out to the internet for advice and maybe closure? I'm thinking that either she found someone she likes better and just thought this would be the nicest way to break up with me or that I just didn't do it for her. Either way I'm fine with it (I'm bummed but I would rather her be happy), but having kind of a panic attack right now and hoping that getting some insight from others will help me figure out what happened and make me feel a little better. Thanks (and sorry) in advance. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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jpy693en-blog · 5 years

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Certificate of liability insurance?

what is a certificate of liability insurance and an additional insured mean>

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SOURCES:

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ih4x67ge-blog · 5 years

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Insurance on a manual vs auto transmission?

I am 20 years old and I am getting a 1972 chevelle soon, (small block non-ss) and I was wondering if the manual transmission is more expensive (insurance wise) than its automatic counterpart. And if so, about how much more? I have no accidents/tickets, and I get a good student discount. I tried calling AIG, and they couldn t give me a definitive answer until I have an actual vin number for them. Thanks in advance for ANY help you could provide!

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :CARINSURANCEQUOTESHQ.XYZ

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notesfromthepen · 5 years

Text

The Chronicles of the king of Richmond

I came across some shit today that I had to share. Something too funny, dark, and ridiculous to keep to myself. But I had to figure out a way to first, get my hands on the material, and then how to give the context needed for it to be fully appreciated.

First I should start with the characters involved. We are a trio. Me, Joe, and the 'king'. I'll refer to him as the 'king' (with a lowercase 'k') because he wanted to remain anonymous, for several reasons, that should become clear later.

Joe is, by far, my best friend in here and we've been pretty much inseparable for years now, (we were bunkies twice at another facility). Some of you may have read previous posts about him. We are very different people, which is often the case with really good friends. But there is no doubt that our bond is, almost entirely, built on our shared sense of humor. A sarcastic, brutally honest, self deprecating, anything for a laugh, sense of humor.

A sense of humor developed since childhood surrounded by witty, smart-assed, assholish mentors and peers. It can be a harsh environment to grow up in, but there is a purity to be found there. An accountability and brutal honesty that is humbling and real. There are no aires allowed to survive amongst friends with no fear of giving offense. No bullshit is left uncalled, no lies left un-confronted, and no opinions restrained. Nothing is sacred and everything is mined for a laugh.

Basically we talk a lot of shit.

Nothing bonds me to another person more instantly than a similar sense of humor. Since coming to this new prison Joe and I have found a fellow, flawed, degenerate asshole, willing to laugh at himself and judge others for the sake humor.

This, is the so called 'king of Richmond.' His majesty is a large guy, about 6'1 and 240 lbs. of slightly chubby, bearded, man beef. He's well kept and neat in appearance (aside from his portly build). He's got some charisma and charm at his disposal and makes decent use of it when needed.

The king, however, has a glaring flaw, as do most of us. He's a raging addict, whose life is lived for, and run by, an incessant need for opiates. This adds an interesting but constantly problematic dimension to his life behind bars. The perpetual need to produce the money for his lifestyle is a constant story line. Most of his fundraising is done over the phone. Preferably through manipulation, but he's not above blatant begging from people in the free-world. Family members, friends, exes, and a sugar momma round out his fundraising Rolodex.

A few days ago, Joe borrowed his Majesty's tablet to listen to his music, and being the stand up friends we are, we wasted no time before invading his privacy. We opened his 'sent email' files and struck gold. Dark, hilarious, sad, revealing gold. What we found was email after email of mental and emotional manipulation in a quest to fund his lifestyle. That's the sad part. The hilarious part is witnessing the level of shameless groveling, damage control, and clumsy begging, our friend is willing to stoop to.

After an intervention filled with embarrassment, ridicule, and some tear inducing laughs from all parties, I gained the 'kings' permission to post some of the gems.

But first a disclaimer: If any form of self-respect or sense of shame is something you're expecting, then prepare yourself, because you will find neither in these emails. Also, I wanted to maintain the "purity" of the emails as they were originally written, so I left the misspellings and incorrect grammar. However, for the sake of read-ability, I added some commas and periods here and there. Other than that they are all original text, with the exception of my commentary, which will be in [brackets].

So without further adieu, I now present to you: The Chronicles Of The king Of Richmond.

Sugar Momma

The following correspondence was sent to the kings sugar momma. As her title would imply she is his main source of income. His "Go-To". She works at McDonalds and has had the unfortunate luck to be in "love" with the king for roughly a year now. This letter is the most recent and well into the travesty that is their "relationship". This email is more focused on making excuses for begging than actual begging, but stay tuned they get worse.

His words are in "quotes" and my commentary is in [brackets]. Some are comments and some are translations of his bullshit, what he really means.

KOR 11/24 “listen, I wasn't insinuating you were fat, and honestly I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. [he definitely was] I was giving you an example of how you could save a few bucks, so maybe out of the kindness of your heart [or from my incessant guilt laden begging] you could send me a few. Belive it or not, its rough in here, and sometimes I need money to survive in here. [Let's make one thing clear: The constant stress of his habit and the debts he accrues makes his time infinitely more difficult than it needs to be. So more money isn't the solution. It’s the problem.] That's what I was saying. I've been down for 5yrs Jenn and pretty much aint had much help, except from a few. [Just a little context. I get 50$ a month. This jackass spends 300$ a week]. We were together a long time. we broke up when I was in here, so yeah its a little different than if you were just some ex. I shouldn't exspect [too bad they don't give out money for misspelled words] it, but I would hope”.

“I guess I wasn't who I thought I was to you. [what a word-smith]. I might have put you through a lot of shit, but you sought me out. Remember that. You knew who I was. [Yeah, so you deserve everything I put you through.] Everyone did. I was the king of that town [AND THERE IT IS! The self proclaimed king of Richmond...Oh I can't tell you how embarrassed for him, angered at him, and ashamed to call him my friend I was when I read this!] not to try and sound conceited but I was, [OK. You can't say you’re not being conceited and then double down on your brag. BTW Richmond has a population smaller than most elementary schools. So it was a small 'kingdom' to say the least] and now no one has my back. it sucks, out of everyone, I hoped that you would have, but no!! [I hope he had a neck brace on when he wrote this. This guy can go from bragging to groveling so fast that it causes whiplash]. When we broke up I wanted you to be happy and get married and do what ever. [He ran out of ideas! That's his limit of things he could conjure up that would make her happy: 2] I just wanted you to still be there for me [AKA: support my habit] and if roles were reversed Jenn, you would have 50 every month and my family would probaly even send you money and that's the proven truth. [From probably to proven truth in half a sentence?] And you know it, so that shit hurts me, let's just remember who's the one locked up!! I'm the old me again [king?] and I'll remember all my real friends, that were there for me, when I get out in 3 in a half years.[Yeah but will they remember you?] Not long at all. And the thing with frank, [Oh yes! Thankgod he's back on the whole Frank thing! I wish I knew his address I'd send him a bottle of whisky!] belive me, I heard stories, a few. [Yeah and they haunt his dreams] but regardless, I love you, just wish you were kinder to me. ...The king”

[That's his cleanup? Someone get him a neck brace]

KOR 12/6 [Damage control] “baby, funny you say sober honestly, but no i totally understand. im sorry if it feels like sometimes I take you for granted.[by sometimes he means 'all the time'] let me try to explain [please do], in here if you don't get in a constant routine and try to make things repetitive, the time will do you, not you do the time. [A vague prison saying he heard someone say in here once and thought it sounded cool] if that makes sense [it doesn't.], its not my intentions to make it carry over into our relationship [but if it does I'm willing to live with it] I'm sorry [that I have to do this song and dance to get money]. and I fully intend to check myself and let you know how special you truly are to me [and by 'check myself' I mean I'll continue doing the exact same amount of drugs, if not more. and I'll show you how special you are by kindly taking your minimum wage paycheck]. The money you send me is for me to live comfortably in here [get high], that means getting things done that I need to get done while I'm here [I mean, these drugs aren't gonna do themselves.] and 90%, is the food and shit i need to survive [but mostly drugs]. We are already at a disadvantage because I only get 75% of what you send, which sucks [it would be much more efficient if I could put 100% of what you send me up my nose]. And they rip us off on prices on the food as it is. So I'm sorry, but i want you to fully understand you are my baby girl [creepy] and when i get out, roles will reverse and I'll be the provider and you'll live real comfortable [said with his fingers crossed], except when I come home every night and blow that back out bitch!!!! [and theres that winning charm I mentioned! what a smooth operator] I love you. [He doesn't] I got to go to the doctor at 9:30 [Ironically its 'his' back that's blown out] so I'll call you after count [to beg for more $]. I love you [again he doesn't]. if that eases your mind [It shouldn't] I love you!!! [and one final lie to cap off this masterpiece.]

Ex-Girlfriend

These next three are to his ex-girlfriend. She's somewhere down the list of reliable donors, but desperate times call for desperate measures and being a dope fiend in prison means, constant desperate times.

KOR 11/23 "So happy thanksgiving! [Now that the pleasantries are out of the way] So I havnt had any money lately, so no stamps but I just got some anyways [2nd sentence in and already caught in a lie. Clearly if he sent this, he has stamps]. Yeah I heard all about you and Carol's argument, and Dan and Josh messaging, and you jumping in on their message, and Dan cutting into you about being a shitty ex (/friend) [OK, I have to translate. First of all, this email seems to be sponsored by unnecessary commas. I guess some people were attacking her on Facebook for not sending the 'king' an adequate amount of money] Most I agree with. [Especially the money part] You havnt been there for me Jennifer [how dare you!]. I belive you have kinda done me wrong [how do you sleep at night?] and other people believe that too [so there!]. Im not saying your wrong for living your life [but you are] and going and being with someone new [because there's no way he's cooler than me]. but you can look out for the man [I use the term man loosely] that looked out for you since you were just a baby! [???? what???? creepy! actually I need to go ask him about this one.. OK he said he meant when she was 18] When I have asked for money in the past, you deny me [who the fuck do you think you are an ex?]. Hell, I'm broke right now [and that's your responsibility]. I can't get money. [But regardless I incessantly ask for it? Blatant lie no.2] uncle only sends me 50 a month and that ain't shit, that's hygiene a month. [Who calls their uncle uncle and not my uncle? What is he an orphan from the 1800's?] You don't keep money on the phone Jenn. I don't care who your new man is [again, not cooler than me], if you truly love me, you can talk to me. And 50 dollars, every couple of months ain't shit Jenn [trust me its nothing! I blow through it in no time]. So I and everyone else just think your wrong for that [OK, now he's literally speaking for everyone. Which is strange because I don't remember giving him my opinion on how much money his ex should be spending on his habit]. I will always have love for you. I just wish you would treat me with the respect I deserve [but have in no way earned]. I've been down 5 yrs and havnt got no more than 100 dollars from you. i basicaly took the rap and I get no respect. [Now he's doing his Rodney Dangerfield impression? what's next, Dr Vinnie Boombatz? (look it up)] That's fucked up!!!!! well I thought, since I finally got some stamps I can finally reply. I wish you would start respecting me as someone you love!!!

'The King of Richmond' (The realest you've ever known!)” [That last part is 100% real. I almost died laughing when I read this! The realest? No comment I can muster will be adequate at dealing with the ridiculousness of this sign off. What a heavy handed attempt to sound like a cool guy. Remember, this is to an ex-girlfriend! No way does playing the cool guy ever work on an ex. She's been in the bathroom after you. She's smelled your shit. Also remember that the whole point of this email is to beg for money! Oh I'm so glad I'm friends with this silly degenerate!]

KOR 11/24 “what? really I thought we just made it through everything; [Im going to say we and then make you feel bad for a bunch of shit you needed] your rent to your sister, the presents for the babies, your phone you needed [you know, the trivial shit]. I thought we got through it baby? [You mean to tell me the babies got my drug money?] I owe a 100$ and I don't even got a noodle right now. Thank god for you, because my brother doesn't give a fuck if I rot in here [because be knows the real me] and everyone else apparently don't care. [Possibly the most poorly crafted sentence in the history of writing, and now down to business] We can do 100 and then 50. [Tell the babies and your sister to fuck off! I have needs.] So I can eat off the 35 from the 50 for the rest of this month [hope I confused her with all the numbers and poor grammar] cause the only thing I have is 2 soaps [just to be sure, one more number]. so work with me on this and I will make that last to the first OK! [In no world, was he able to make it last until the 1st]

[And now back to the unwarranted guilt trip:] I thought you were done with all the present buying and rent.You even had a b-day!! [So there's really no excuse for not feeding my addiction. What are you selfish? Use your b-day money!] Which I think you needed to let loose a little anyways. [You really earned it, putting up with my begging and whatnot] I love you babe. I'll call you after count were supposed to have a blizzard today F U N!!!!!” [Bringing it all together with a little sarcastic humor? NICE!]

KOR 12/5 "Really Jenn? Don't think you can shame me for [well, anything but specifically] expecting a little money every once in a while” [you should know by now that shame is not a factor!] "Its not hard to skip going out to eat or buying that extra shirt, [extra shirt?Clearly he could only think of one good example to save money.] to throw me a little extra dough. [yeah, just go hungry and topless] I didn't bring Josh or Dan into this. [This whole exchange is about his friends and sugar mamma shaming Jenn for not sending home enough money] They did that on their own. They told me the conversation they had with you. I just agreed. I also didn't tell Carol to do that. She did that after her and Josh had a conversation about what had happened. Another thing is Jenn, don't kid yourself, I blew through a 35,000 dollar [insurance] check taking care of us, making sure we had a good time and 2 to 3 thousand every month up until i did that year in county (jail) [Yeah, I was a great provider until I got arrested! And by provider I mean cashing an insurance check]. So don't cry to me about a couple hundo [that's right, he's too cool to say hundred] and your fucking Ford Contour. I think your being rude, and you tried your damnest to fuck frank. [OK this is where it goes off the rails. He couldn't wait to mention the whole frank thing so he just shoehorned it in the conversation] I heard. [I'm confused, was she successful in her 'dam nest' attempt to fuck ole Frank?] That's funny [is it?], not that I care [well, I'm convinced. Nothing screams 'I care and it hurts so much' like saying I 'don't care'], cause I do have a good girl (a ride or die bitch I wish I always had) who does take care of me and keeps money on the phone and keeps me in touch with everyone [but only when I beg and grovel]. I'm in prison still pulling bitches [WOW!!! first of all he's definitely not and more importantly that's the most pathetic attempt at intended jealousy]. my point really isn't to brag, that's not what im trying to do. [It is] I'm just saying, its possible to still have a life and support someone in prison. even a little. you have just made NO effort at all and that piss people off and me. cause McDonald's checks weren't supporting our sort of lifestyle sweetie!!!!!! so I guess I wish you would change, but I doubt it. Anyways, happy to hear your grand ma is doing good. and next time you write, attach a stamp.” [OK, he's always good for a ridiculous ending but this one takes the cake. Let's examine: He spends 90% of this letter guilt tripping, berating, talking shit to, and begging for money. Then, literally in the 2nd to last sentence, he mentions her sick grandma's recovery? I have ask him how he carries around such big balls without a limp! And if you're still naive enough to think that he's done, you clearly don't know the ‘king’.]

[Our royal highness still has enough balls, and not enough shame, to ask this poor girl to attach a return stamp so she can continue this charming and fulfilling correspondence with her incarcerated ex-boyfriend. And now its clear how he became the king of Richmond: By sheer clumsy manipulation, a ruthless disregard for self respect, the freedom of movement that a spineless body provides and a fortitude willing to stoop to any low to accomplish his goal to get inebriated. The same way presidents get elected in this country. At any cost he would take the crown and he did. Without ever being to Richmond, I can say this with confidence: Anyone who would make him king and pay tribute to his court, truly deserves his rule. What a spectacular asshole the king is and I count him as a flawed degenerate of the worst degree. But I also count him as a friend…]

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onlinemarketingmanila2018-blog · 6 years

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The Toolkit for Financial Freedom - Starting the Journey

Hi and Welcome to the Main Part of our Online Education Program on How To Make Money Online Working From Home. In my previous post i gave you a introduction about the hurdles and obstacles that are in the way from you achieving financial freedom. I also included a quickfire plan with some keywords on how to overcome these barriers and achieve financial freedom. Now we come to the meat of the subject and thats exactly how to go about making money online. Please Note this before we start the program: How much you put in = How much you will get from your effort = Success or Failure. I am no more of a person than you or the person next to you. I am not a genius and i certainly dont have any special powers or talents to make me better than you. We are EQUAL. I achieved financial freedom from following these exact steps. It didnt take me 1 month or 1 year. It took me almost 3 years to get to the point where i didnt need to look at price tags at the shop anymore because i was making some very good money. I want that for you more than you want it for yourself. I am a person who believes in Karma and i have lived my entire life helping people who are down, i dont show u my foot i give you my hand to support you and guide you to happiness and financial freedom and independence. But i can only guide you its entirely up to you to follow and to committ and to work hard and to have a strong will to fight to succeed and to be determined to achieve.The biggest difference is im here to support you and guide you through, i never had me when i was in your shoes. Ok the intro is over. The pep talk is over. Lets play ball. Quite simply affiliate marketing is the easiest way to earn easy money online. What is it ? Basically you are promoting a companys products to your audience and if your audience find that product interesting enough and purchase it or sign up for it then the company say thanks and give you a slice of the profits. Whats to your advantage is that you dont need to have a product or a fancy website with advertising and marketing and customer assistance etc etc all u need to do is promote the product. But in my first batch of affiliate products im going to actually take things one step further, im going to show you products that will pay u straight away and dont cost a single cent !! Yes its true, the products that you will be asking your audience to sign up to are completely free and actually pay you. Plus every time one of your audience sign up for these products you will also get paid !! Now reread this paragraph and tell me that it doesnt sound easy to get your audience excited :-) Ok i will end the suspense and give you your first of many batches of affiliate products. Before i continue i want to quickly add that diversifying is always the best way. So we will be dealing with many types of products the important thing is that you follow listen and do EXACTLY what is being asked. Our first batch of products are called Cryptocurrency Faucets. These are hand picked and tried and tested and have paid and are still paying me without any hiccups or any BS. Everything that i will show you is what i PERSONALLY use. So have no fear i have taken the guesswork out for you.

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weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1 · 6 years

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"Melbourne Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 32901

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