#and im like. lol dont even worry i still get then too and they suck

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[stonerzelda]

I love my job but i rally will never understand the phenomenon of when some coworkers/people that work in different departments alongside u like. Decide they dont like u lol. Like i get along with nearly everybody so so so well but there are these 2 ladies that have been so needlessly cold/rude to me and for what. Why would you create a hostile work environment on purpose like does that not just make your own life harder lmao

[arolesbianism]

Yknow I'm glad I have absolutely no motivation to make any non constant related ds aus cause if I did I would absolutely just make random card au part 2; skins edition and the world building would be completely incomprehensible even by my standards cause Id find a way to mix it with constant bullshit anyways

[bread--quest]

It's 2012 somewhere. Welcome.... to Night Vale Tumblr.

👁️ nvcr-official

Hi guys! I'm Intern Sarah! Excited to be joining you all!

👁️ nvcr-official

To the friends and family of Intern Sarah, she was a good intern and social media manager, and we are sorry to see her go. We will work to find a new intern as soon as possible.

83 notes

🦉 dark-owl-records

CALL OUT POST FOR CECIL PALMER

hes gotten away with shit for too long and im sick of it. tl;dr horrific intern mistreatment with no compensation, mountain denier, homophobic

keep reading

❌ number-one-moonhater Follow

Hey uh. Aren't you a company account? Why are you posting this

🦉 dark-owl-records

L + ratio + god forbid women do anything + your music taste is trash

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

Isn't Cecil literally gay?

🦉 dark-owl-records

he's homophobic

🪼 jeebyfish Follow

he has a husband...

🦉 dark-owl-records

yeah and he won't fucking shut up about it

2,500 notes

🤫 cecils-private-blog

Carlos hasn't liked any of my woodcarving posts in THREE DAYS!! I'm so scared what if he's going to break up with me :((

👁️ nvcr-official

Cecil he's your husband he's not breaking up with you. also this isn't a private blog you just put private in the url

🤫 cecils-private-blog

HOW DID YOU SEE THIS

4 notes

🏜️ sandeater Follow

tamika flynn spotted in ralph's dairy aisle "slaying" the milk

🦂 scorpiansscuttle Follow

op i know this is a joke but one time i was in the ralphs dairy aisle and there was some butter up on a really high shelf and someone said "don't worry, i'll get it" and i turned around and it was fucking tamika flynn

☁️ average-weather-enjoyer Follow

fake story :/

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

No it's true I was there

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

TAMIKA FLYNN??

🏜️ sandeater Follow

what the fuck is happening on my post

8,345 notes

👁️ nvcr-official

can you guys please stop sending cecil weird shit... i don't want to have to explain to my boss what a dilf is

27 notes

🐚 mariella-shella

Hey guys!! Sorry for the lack of posts recently! I entered a hole in the wall and when I got out I realized I didn't know how long I'd been in there, or where I was, or who I am, and I'm not sure that I'm still the person who entered that hole however long ago. Anyway, the normal posting schedule will resume as soon as I remember what my normal posting schedule was, and if I'm still the person who had that posting schedule!

🌪️ sandstorm-gf Follow

omg mariella!!! missed u so much girl glad ur back!

🐚 mariella-shella

i miss me too

42 notes

😎 Anonymous asked: Response to the homophobic allegations?

🎙️ cecilpalmer

Huh??

🎙️ cecilpalmer

@nvcr-official What does this mean? Is it new slang?

👁️ nvcr-official

uhhhh dont worry about it buddy

50 notes

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

hey guys im in quarantine for eating wheat and wheat byproducts uh...send asks?? i might be in here for a while lmaooo

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

oh lights in the sky its been 5 years since i made this post

☁️ glowcloudapologist Follow

how's it going op

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

i miss my family

506 notes

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

hey if anyone remembers anything about the person running this blog can you tell me? trying to recover the fragments of my identity from the void of memory lol

🥔 potato-enthusiast Follow

you were really hot

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

FUCK YEAHHHHHH

89 notes

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just a reminder that new residents of east night vale are fully welcome to interact with this blog!!!! you will not be harassed and any hate will be blocked. this blog is safe even if this town isn't sometimes <3

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

This is so sweet, thank you so much! Just so you know, even though it's officially called East Night Vale now, a lot of people still call it Desert Bluffs! Just thought you might want to know :)

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

i'm not calling it that sorry

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

What??? Why??

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just kind of sucks. as a name

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

?????????

170 notes

🐄

⬜️ kentuckymeatshower_deactivated11051983

what does this mean....

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

another great post from huntokar herself

16,683 notes

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

🌲 little-miss-ectoplasm Follow

you don't like pine cliff? 👻 oo ooo?

👁️ nvcr-official

NIGHT VALE SWEEEEEP

806 notes

😁 the-happy-smiler Follow

Hi everyone!! Since Twitter went down, I figured I'd try my hand at this Tumblr thing! I'm so excited to meet all of you!! Hope you're ready for some pictures of CENTIPEDES!! Feel free to AMA about the Smiling God!

👁️ nvcr-official

I

🦉 dark-owl-records

N

🎙️ cecilpalmer

T

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

E

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

R

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

L

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

O

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

P

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

E

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

R

21,983 notes

[pha55ed]

Touch | F1/F2 (kimi bday celly!)

type :: fluff tw/cw :: gn!reader for all, one gendered-term for carlos contains :: kimi!, oscar, carlos request :: heyy! can you do touch by katseye for carlos, oscar and kimi? or choose whatever 2 other drivers u want if you dont feel like writing for these, im mainly requesting for kimi lol. im really excited to read the new stuff, love ur writing 💕 (yes ofcc!! i love carlos and oscar sm <33 and thank you!! ur so sweet :D ) link to kimi bday celly!

Kimi Antonelli | 04

Getting a crush wasn't on Kimi's 2024 bingo, instead it was on the list of the things that he didn't want. Focussing on racing has been what he's done all his life, he's barely had breaks or time to himself - so how the well would be able to have a girlfriend? He knew logically that a relationship would never work, and yet he couldn't stop the way his heart beat got faster around you.

As you came to the paddock once again, he wanted to scream. It was a internal fight that he could never win. On one hand, he was estatic to have you here to help cheer him on and watch him. It was going to push him 10 times harder to be better, to make sure to impress you. But on another hand, he was screaming because how he was shitting his pants and thinking of every bad outcome possible.

What if he crashes in the first minute and has to retire? What if he loses miserably and doesn't even have an excuse for why he sucked so bad that day? What if a different driver sees you and realizes how cute you are and tries to flirt with you, he's especially worried about Paul or Ollie finding you - he knew those two could pull anyone if they wanted.

He did his best to focus on the race, pulling off P7, not awful but not amazing. And god was he nervous, his hands were sweaty and forehead glossy from nerves. Before he could allow you to see him, he needed to freshen up in some way.

Rushing to his drivers room, trying his best to avoid anyone and everything so he can see you quickly. But when he walks into his drivers room, he's met with you looking at him whilst holding a little bouquet of flowers.

Suddenly his senses were all heightened. He could smell his sweat from his armpits, has he always smelt this bad? He could feel how loose his racing suit was on him, did he look too baggy? His breathing was still raggedy from racing, oh my gosh did his staggered breathing make him seem unfit?

And even worse, why did you look so perfect to him? God he hates this. It was like his entire plan for his future was crumbling all because some stupid person walked in and made his stomach flip. He was stuck there, frozen, staring at you with his mouth slightly open as he does his best to think of anything at all.

You confuse his silence with him not wanting you there, which even he didn't know if he wanted you in there or not. So you hand him the flowers, congratulating him on his placement as you left.

Long story short: he's awful with crushes. You WILL be the death of him.

Oscar Piastri | 81

Being nonchalant is basically his entire brand. That's why so many people freak out when they see him laugh or giggle, he's known as the next "Kimi Raikkonen" for a reason. So, when you begin to come to more races since you're the daughter of one of the head engineers at Mclaren, everyone notices how different Oscar is around you.

He usually just stands there,,, awkwardly,,, as if he's a Sim waiting for a command. But with you, he's suddenly fiddling with everything, doing his best to make sure he looks good. He constantly pushes his hair back, clearing his throat, making sure his shoulders are rolled back, you swear you even saw him MEW whilst you were busy talking...

This crush is noticed by everyone, the engineers, mechanics, lando, and even you. But there's one person who doesn't know: and that's Oscar himself. Somehow, he's fully gaslit himself into believing he's just nervous around you for other reasons.

He only pulls out your chair when you come to the group dinners because he's a gentleman. He keeps fixing his hair around you since it's windy, even if you're talking indoors. He can't stop staring at you because you stick out since you're the only girl in the Mclaren garage,,, even if you're not the only girl,,, there are like 10 other women who work in Mclaren.

But one day, Lando and Oscar are eating breakfast together before their free practice. That's when Lando boldly asks, "So have you made a move yet on (Y/N)?" Oscar replies with no, scoffing at his question as if Lando was asking something stupid. Lando has a small smirk from Oscar's reply. "So, can I shoot my shot?"

Instantly Oscar is confused, obviously no! But he's not sure why he wants to say no to Lando's desire to ask you out. Oscar literally tries to find every single reason as to why he doesn't want Lando to date you, even going as far to think he's possibly gay for Lando. He rules that out quickly though and connects the dots, he can't deny them anymore: he likes you.

From that point on, Oscar is an even bigger mess than he already is around you. He's already nervous, but now you swear you can see the buckets, yes plural, of sweat that he's making from even being in the same room as you. You know he likes you, everyone in the paddock as already told you, even Toto Wolff joined in,,, why is this grown man in some young adult romance...

Please, please, please, just confess your feelings to Oscar. He most likely won't get the guts to even THINK of asking you out for at least 4 months. And then he has to plan how he's gonna ask you out for another 2 months. And then he has to gather the courage to ask you out for another 4 months. And then... you get the point.

Carlos Sainz | 55

Unlike the other two, Carlos is older and more experienced than them. But of course, he's still going to be a tad bit flustered when it comes to you. You're one of the new videographers for Drive to Survive. All videographers were assigned a driver to film, and you got Carlos. Which you were grateful for since he's always super respectful and also very easy to film, since he looks good in every angle.

Carlos usually hated being filmed for Drive to Survive, he thought they were super annoying. But he couldn't bring himself to dislike you, even when you accidentally hit him with your huge camera - he still found you so endearing. He couldn't help but try to shoot his shot at you.

Every time you came to film him, he made sure to drop not-so-subtle hints that he liked you. Like saying, "maybe I should film you, you're much more beautiful" which you obviously reply by saying how handsome Carlos is - which makes him smirk. You fell for his trap of calling him beautiful, but was it really a trap if you've been thinking it from the very first day?

Or how you always have to remind him to look into the camera when speaking, because his dark brown puppy eyes can't help but stare at you instead. Or when you almost trip since the camera gear is so heavy and Carlos catches you, saving you almost $10,000 in damages. Or when you went to the bathroom, leaving your camera on the table only to be met with a camera shoved in your face that was controlled by Carlos, to which he laughed and repeated yet again, "you're stunning".

As you two get to know each other more and more, he becomes much more forward with his flirting. Greeting you with an air-kiss, brushing your hair behind your ears, and even buying you multiple bouquets of flowers. You couldn't help but blush at all of his actions, but you knew you needed to stay professional still to avoid getting fired. Carlos knew that too, he would never want his favorite camera-woman to get fired.

So it's a constant tug of flirting with you and you being bashful in return. It's a painfully long wait till the season end so that Carlos can finally ask you out on a date, since there's no longer a contract forbidding you two.

[rzyraffek]

Omg tysm! The last request was very cute. :3 I have ONE MORE.slashers at a pool party ★ ★ for like, summer lol lol

Also, I really luv your blog, its so cute :33

Omg yay summer themed headcanons! Sadly it's cold today but I will try to get into mood😍

Sfw, they/them

Summer(mostly pool and swiming) with slashers!!

Billy Lenz

Buy god damn SUNSCREAM he will be red after 10minutes of hanging out outsite

The sun is a deadly laser

Pretends he is a shark and attacks their legs when underwater

Also loves to splash and do waves

spooked of hairdryer and comb, he rather look like wet rat

Begs them to buy those funny shaped rubber things that you can lay on (guys I have no clue how those are called so I iwol just put photo at the end of fic if you are confused

Micheal Myers

...

Hm no

No i dont think i will

The closest he ever been to big body of water was when he was drowning somone

I doubt he can swim, so even if he would appear in pool he would just walk on bottom, hhh goofy

Hates wet cothes

And sun

And hot temperatures

Brahms Heelshire

Hhehe water

This guy won't swim, he will just lay/sit in water

Guy looks like dead body lol he just... lays there?

But when s/o gets near he will jump attack them, also.... nice outfit s/o

He is definitely type of guy who loves summer

Will forgot sunscreen and turn into tomato soup

Yautja

Purr hot weather he like

I swear s/o jumped into water for fun and this guy had the biggest heart attack of century "AAA MATE WHY DID OU JUMP!! WHO KNOWS IF ITS SAFE??? WHO KNOWS MAYBE WATER IS TOXIC?? DONT DO THAT!" he also jumped right after them lol

After making sure that, no yaujta water isn't poisonous and yes s/o can swim

Probably he can easly stand on bottom and still have (at least) his chest above water level

Also will pick s/o up while they are mid-swim like' a fish👹 and later throws them back in water ya go

Asa Emory

Will just vibe at shore, sunbathing

Yeah your doing great love, nice swimming... now lemmie just lay down and zzz

Acts like that one mom on beach that never enters water and just doest really care

Yeah yeah just dont drown and do no splash me, if you splash me im going to take your PlayStaton4 privileges

A mimir

Also while yall go next to pool he is 100% throwing them in

Jason

😰

Eeh you sure about that?? Water

He will stick to shallow part of pool

Going to be worried about s/o especially if they do some epic tricks. Yeah that's cool that you can do a flip in water but pls it's scary :(

He enjoys doing lil splashes and just picking them up

Pls hold his hand

Eddie gluskin

Oh my love nice outfit you got

Huh me? Water? Aw don't be silly honey

He will just stick to sitting on edge of pool and watching them swim, do not splash him!! His outfit is too pretty >:( grr

If s/o pushes him into water he will litteraly try to drown them (in wacky way)

Hush

He is the one inviting them! He found some random lake in middle of knowhere lol

Will probably do some dumb contest 'yo swims there the fastest gets a free kiss🤭' *points at other shore 5km away*

Will pick them up underwater and be like "haha look what cool fish I found i Will totaly make dinner out of you" drags out of lake and tickles or something idk hes weird

Also im writing this right before the most important exam of this month cuz if I wont pass it I wont pass this year🥳🤪 wish me luck, chemisty sucks

thats the billy lenz thing i was talking about.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

i could be wrong about this (i've been following this blog so long i wouldn't be surprised if im confused lol) but you changed/shifted denominations, right? im catholic, born catholic, but i struggle with what much of the church preaches/supports, and the catholic communities i grew up in are not a great place for queer people. so im looking at other affirming churches where i live, which are mostly united. they all seem great, but i find that im struggling with all the ways they aren't catholic. i find it uncomfortable that there isn't a priest (and find it uncomfortable that i find it uncomfortable), i miss the hymns from my old church, and receiving the eurcharist every sunday, and all the other little rituals i can recite on rote (which i like!). and then i suppose i feel strange for taking space in this church that isn't my own, just because it's more 'convenient', since i dont have much intention to abandon the parts of catholicism i want to keep (like mary and the saints). im not sure whether i should just suck it up and shift denominations entirely, or retain my (kind of shaky, ill admit i reject a fair amount of catholic teachings) catholic beliefs. and even then, im also not sure how to make myself more comfortable with attending a church without the rituals and mass im used to - even though i really really want to attend church again. sorry for blabbing on, but... any advice?

Hey there anon, so sorry for the very long delay; I hope you're doing all right. I was indeed born and raised Catholic, and still deeply love so much about Catholic tradition; I know how hard this decision is — whether to stay or go, whether to keep one foot in and one foot out, etc...

(Oh, one thing I want to mention right away is that you don't need to worry about "taking space" in a church you're not part of yet. Churches are meant to make room for visitors! There is plenty of room for you, and if a church makes you feel otherwise somehow, that's on them. Just bringing that up here because the rest of this long response goes in a different direction lol.)

Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide the right path for you. The good news is that you have as long as you need to figure it out! You might lean in one direction for a while and later realize you need to shift a bit; you don't have to do it all at once.

I can share a bit about my own journey to help you imagine a bit better what it even looks like to walk this path; your path may end up looking similar, or very different from mine. Putting the rest under a readmore because it's so long lol.

I was super devout Catholic all my life, into college. Then going into sophomore year of college I started figuring out I was queer — plus I was encountering more and more kinds of people than I'd ever met before, and questions about where they "fit" into Catholic doctrine and the like.

Sophomore year I started crushing on my then-roommate, now-wife, and exploring my gender a bit more, and I started getting extremely anxious each Sunday at Mass. I couldn't stop wondering what people in the pews with me would think, what they'd do if they knew. That spring semester and then into the fall, I started going to Mass less and less frequently and eventually not at all.

Meanwhile my roomie was going through similar issues with feeling way too alienated from her conservative church to keep attending. So together, we found an LGBT-affirming church near campus and walked there one Sunday. The relief we felt walking in there, seeing other queer people and couples; the warmth and welcome, the chance to hold hands in public for the first time; getting to share communion, which was a big warm loaf of bread, with folks who knew what we were and loved us in, not despite it...was like nothing I'd ever experienced.

We kept going there the rest of the school year. That summer, back in my hometown, I kept going to my childhood church for Catholic Mass. I really loved the affirming church we'd found, but like you I missed so many things that Catholic church has and they just don't: there's a higher sense of reverence at Mass; the singing resonates through my psyche; I weirdly feel Christ more strongly in the little wafer host than in that warm loaf, though the latter made me feel more spiritually connected to the humans around me...

I wanted both. I wanted to keep my relationship with my Saints. I wanted Mary and the rosary. I wanted the high reverence. And I wanted the warmth and connection I found at our new church. I wanted the laughter as children dunked their big chunk of loaf into the chalice, getting crumbs everywhere, even if it made my Catholic sensibilities cringe a little (I write about the "culture shock," getting more accustomed to those eucharistic differences here). I wanted to be surrounded with this much more diverse group of people.

So for years, even as I graduated undergrad and started my studies at a Presbyterian seminary, I've tightrope walked between Catholicism and Protestantism. I took every chance I got in my classes to write my papers (or a whole website) about queer-resonant Saints, or to bring up a book of the Bible that Catholics have but Protestants don't, or to teach classmates what it means that Catholics venerate but don't worship Mary. I went to a Presbyterian church most Sundays, but to Catholic Mass on holy days like Good Friday.

Keeping one foot in the Catholic Church — going to Mass a few times a year, cultivating my relationships with Saints privately, writing lots of poems about everything I was feeling (like this one and this one) — while spending most of my time and building up community within the PC(USA) was what worked for me for many years. Sometimes it would get frustrating; often when visiting a Catholic church I'd feel that anxiety wonder what would happen if someone there called me out for being queer. Often I'd feel alienated, lonely, wishing I could bring my whole self into one place if that makes sense; but I made it work.

Then things took a painful turn late last May — content warning for religious trauma & transphobia from a Catholic priest. I was visiting home, and that meant dropping by my childhood church for Mass. When the priest I've known almost my whole life, who gave me my first communion and Confirmed me, got halfway through his homily, it suddenly turned into transphobic condemnation. I felt like the floor had dropped out from under me. I decided to speak up; I interrupted Mass to assert that queer people are beloved by God; I was escorted out of my childhood church. It was really, really painful; it still really hurts.

I haven't visited a Catholic church since then. And it breaks my heart I'll never feel safe about going back to my childhood church again :'(

I bring up this traumatic moment not to scare you away from keeping some part of you in the Catholic Church — so many of us do remain partially or all the way in it despite its failures. Hopefully you'll never encounter something this overtly queerphobic. But I bring it up to say that if you stay in the Catholic Church, you probably will encounter things over the years — hopefully small, maybe big — that bring you pain. Little ways comments chip at your sense of worth and dignity; new documents from the Vatican that speak against queerness.

But honestly, you'll probably encounter a little hurt wherever you go. No church, no community at all, is perfect. People say and do thoughtless things. You'll probably experience less of that in an LGBT affirming church, but wherever you go, you'll need to gradually amass spiritual shields — connection to the divine, to other people, places you go for refuge.

I haven't returned to a Catholic church since that incident — but I have made relationships I wouldn't have made otherwise. Various people who attended my childhood church's grade school reached out to me to thank me for my courage; one of them even wrote an article about what I did and what she and her friends experienced as students there. Someone from my home state's branch of Dignity USA reached out to me.

I've sort of "officially" let myself sever that last thread connecting me to anything Roman Catholic, to the institution; but I hold on to the elements of Catholic tradition that bring me spiritual nourishment. They can pry Mary and the Saints from my cold dead hands (no actually! not even then!)

...So that's my personal journey up to the present day. (I also sum up my sort of situationship identifying as an agnostic Catholic Presbyterian in this post.) But others have different paths.

I know so many queer Catholics, ex-Catholics, not-sure-where-they-fit type folks...there are:

queer Catholics who stick with the Catholic Church completely;

or who occupy a sort of liminal in-between, sticking to the Catholic edges but still interacting with Catholic institutions.

I know others who completely left all things Catholic behind, not just the institutions but all Saints, songs, etc.

If you're interested in listening to / reading about a few other people's experiences, I've interviewed a few queer Catholics on my podcast:

there's Emma Cieslik, who archives all sorts of queer Catholic experiences in her own oral history project;

There's K Kriesel, whose life has taken them all around the Catholic center and many different peripheries;

There's Amy Neville, who studies art history and incorporates Catholicism into their queer art; and others too.

____

Sorry if all that was way more than you were looking for! But I hope exploring some of the journeys of others who've been in a similar place to you might help a bit.

A few other things I'll tack on:

If there are any Episcopal churches near you (that mention being LGBT friendly on their website), their vibe will be much closer to what you love from Catholicism than a UCC church is. Lutherans are also closer in vibe and often LGBT affirming.

It's possible there might be a (non-Roman) Catholic community near you that is LGBT-affirming — check out this post for more about liberal Catholics, Independent Catholics, and more.

The previously linked post also brings up organizations that aim to make the Catholic Church more LGBT-inclusive, like DignityUSA. You might find that one of those orgs has a branch near you where you can find support and commiseration.

Finally, you may also like looking through my #queer and Catholic tag, and also maybe my #lgbta patron saints tag.

Sending you love and wishing you peace, joy, and a sense of belonging. I know how hard this in-between time is, when you just don't know what to do or where to go — but God is with you on this journey. They will be with you wherever you go; in fact, the liminal spaces, the in-between not-quite-this-or-that people, are the places and people through which God most often acts <3

[fabaceous]

do you think jackieshauna could've gotten together eventually if the plane didn't crash/if jackie hadn't died or were they doomed from the start?

hi anon i know this took a while (sorry) but it's because this is one of my favorite cans of worms to open and i had a lot to say. so thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about it ;)

my answer, depending on the day and my mood, ranges from NO to YES, BUT to NO, BUT.

NO, because i think that even on a pure friendship level they are doomed. their flaws were like, designed in a lab (or a writer's room lol) to tear them apart. jackie is insecure and holds on too tightly to shauna. shauna quietly resents jackie for it and fucks around behind her back. as long as they have these traits, their relationship is a ticking time bomb. they will never make it within ten miles of a romantic relationship because even their friendship is doomed.

NO, because even if their friendship doesn't implode, they are both simply too damn repressed to ever make a move. im not even saying this as a cop-out, like, i truly believe in my heart and soul that they both have latent romantic feelings for each other but they tie themselves in all sorts of pretzels to avoid it and i'll go even further and say they are both REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT IT. like more so than most people. given my own experiences denying my (in hindsight incredibly obvious) feelings for girls (and i SUCK at repressing things) i have no doubt at all that they could go the rest of their lives convincing themselves that some girlfriendships are Just Like That. the human mind is a very powerful thing and the human mind on comphet and repression? nearly unstoppable. and even if they dont have some world-shattering blowout, and their friendship just sort of fizzles out for some nebulous and ambiguous (read: gay yearning related) reason, years later they'll still be looking back at their relationship saying Huh. Wasnt That Weird...Well...Nevertheless...I'm Sure It Was Nothing To Worry About...

like, okay, im gonna spend a little more time with this one because i think their repression is so key to their dynamic. jackie is obviously unable to face any aspect of herself that is even remotely imperfect. gay feelings for shauna would definitely fall into that category given what i assume she has internalized from her parents and her peers and it being the 1990s. shauna, while more willing to accept her dark side, cant bear the thought of wanting jackie like that. its the one bridge she cant cross. she'll literally fuck jeff. fucking JEFF!!! before she lets herself act on desire for jackie (at least not in a straightforward/normal way lol)

i think both of them on some level must feel that they have a desire for each other, or else they wouldn't be so desperate to avoid it. but they are SO desperate to avoid it, and i don't really have anything to back this up other than my gut feeling but i just can't imagine them ever overcoming their respective hurdles of repression, and definitely not under normal high-school circumstances. MAYBE in the wilderness they would've had a chance IF THINGS HAD GONE VERY DIFFERENTLY because they would be free from societal expectations or whatever, and maybe a life or death situation could've given them enough of a shock that they'd finally own up to their feelings. but EVEN THEN, personally, i think it's still questionable. i think this is just so deeply rooted that it would be anywhere from incredibly difficult to impossible for both of them to get past it. (it's no good if only one of them overcomes the repression, btw. then you just have unrequited pining (but secretly actually requited but the other person won't admit that they're requiting it so it's effectively unrequited which would be perhaps even worse and more painful. btw. if you even care))

now on to the other options...

YES, BUT, even if by some miracle they were able to get past their repression and date each other, i guarantee you all their toxic habits would be not only repeated but MAGNIFIED by being in a romantic relationship. like, ok, the good news is, they would finally be free to be openly obsessed with each other lol. but... imagine jackie gets EVEN MORE insecure about shauna leaving her because now she actually feels like she has a legit claim on shauna being "hers". before, her possessiveness (for lack of a more nuanced term) was tempered by the fact that they are just friends, and shauna should theoretically be allowed to have other friends, even if jackie doesn't like it. but shauna should NOT be having other girlfriends. so jackie would likely be reaching new levels of terrified of shauna leaving her. shauna would still be unable to address conflict directly. rinse and repeat this whooooole vicious cycle until it blows up in their faces like laura le--[gunshot]

finally, NO, BUT, and this one may be controversial & a bit more far fetched than the others, but i do think that under the right circumstances they could kiss or even fuck without it compromising their repression. i actually even think they could have a sort of sneaky situationship while still repressing their bigscaryfeelings for each other. HEAR ME OUT. they are both very careful about compartmentalizing their desire for each other and keeping it hidden FROM THEMSELVES. they often fail and it boils over despite their best efforts, but the more important thing is that they think they're succeeding at keeping their desire from breaching containment. and as long as they have that plausible deniability where they are hiding it from themselves, even if they don't manage to hide it from the rest of us (or even each other), i dont think its impossible for them to act on the desire, like, on pure instinct, but without actually intellectually or emotionally acknowledging the larger implications that that brings. and even if the desire breaches containment, they could still find a way to write it off as just desire in general and not desire for each other specifically. especially when they also still have the excuse of being horny teenagers with no impulse control, they could easily brush it off as, oh, we were just drunk, we were just experimenting. or even, oh, it was just shauna, it's not like i actually LIKE-like her, i just made out with her, but its shauna, so it obviously doesnt mean anything.

and i think they could even do this consistently for weeks months MAYBE up to a year or so, while deluding themselves into thinking this is somehow normal or not a big deal. because they have already proven they are masters of doublethink and repression, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten this far lol. but it would 100% also blow up in their faces. the question is, who would crack first? who would want something real? or who would walk away because it got too real? theres sooo much to ponder with this particular scenario and it's all very juicy and compelling (and GOD would i love to see it unfold with my own two eyeballs, can bart and ashley please write and film an AU of their own tv show?!) but i dont think it would ever lead them anywhere good or healthy.

so long story short (lol. conciseness has never been my strong suit as is probably abundantly clear by now) i personally do not think there is any possibility of a satisfying happy-ending scenario for these two. and i personally am perfectly okay with that because so much about them would have to change in order for them to get a happy ending that at that point, they would no longer be the jackie and shauna that i know and love.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[cookiecomics]

(warning from future me: this is very long, soz)

heyy!! i'm about to start another reread of atott but although im trying to get better at this, im bad at leaving comments (i get too invested in the action & dont mark down my thoughts... so when i get to the comment part i don't remember all or anything i wanted to talk abt + i'm ruminating on what just happened. that's true for the updates i've been following and doubly so for binge-reading sessions) so i just wanted to say some things directly to you, right now, before i forget - i adore the colosseum to this day. i was invested from moment one and the way you described everything was so impactful. to this day i also remember the way ren was panicked & aiming to return home despite his concussion, it felt very visceral and real. also the entirety heresy ring, akechi finding out he was in the fraud ring (this cracked me up iirc. that boy read you akechi), the toy grandma wanted to give ren & akechi managed to get to him (and ren/arsene crying bc of it....), the river, the hanged man game.... gods, you captivated me so much even within those first chapters.

another moment that is very present in my memory is the whole section where ren is in shido's palace, hiding from akechi w/o knowing it's him, finding out he was the "birdman" and then the aftermath, akechi's high fever, the way ren did his best to take care of him, how he told him he'd do the hit on the principal for him. it was all so good!! like i found ur fics from the accomplice tag iirc so i wasn't surprised when it happened, but it was all so exciting still! my memory sucks so i can't even paraphrase what ren told akechi before leaving to do it, but i do remember how akechi was still convinced (and kinda hoped) ren wouldn't actually get involved & he'd just end up dead. then ren came back, with new glasses to boot! lol

ohh also that moment where ren crossdressed and akechi was definitely attracted but ofc he can't Say It so he just critiques his makeup capabilities instead....... i was like. of course. of couse you would.

and i found atott shortly after finding out i'm arospec despite being very interested in making fictional characters kiss & romantic scenes in general, so it was very interesting to read akechi believe he was aromantic & have to deal with Actually Having Romantic Feelings Fuck This lmaoooo tho tbf i'd actually react similarly if i found out i was demisexual instead of completely ace like i think i am, so i also identified with it in that sense, since i've know about that part of my identity much longer than being arospec lol

ah. this is very long but i have more i want to say... so im gonna keep talking lol. ren realizing he was cluster-b helped me realize & come to terms with my low empathy. i remember when first reading akechi suggest ren get himself checked for sociopathy i was a bit skeptical bc i worried it'd be just edgy stuff, but i'd been trusting your writing & decisions so i decided to be optimistic & i rlly liked how you handled it, and, again, it helped me come to terms with the parts of me that also wouldn't be seen favourably by some of these ppl who insist they're mental health advocates lol

also, i rlly like akesumi so when sumi realized he was munin i was giddy. her own smile about it made me happy too.... oh this makes me remember the scene of futaba finding out ren is her online friend too gods such good scenes!!!! and finding the palace keywords. which made me remember the bad ending chapter in maruki's reality which i only managed to read on my 3rd read of the fic & then was immediately invested into too.....

anyway, what i want to say is, thank you so much for writing atott. it is almost constantly running through the like, background of my thoughts, and the story has been very important & dear to me. i hope you know it is genuinely engraved within me at this point. i love it so much. ♡

GOSH what a beautiful thing to come back to ;3; thank you so so much for your kind words and for trusting me as well dsfkjhsdfjk as someone who is cluster b AND on the a-spec merrygoround, I'm glad my handling of the topics have been great for you ;3; thank you for telling me all that you love about the fic ;3; hoping to get an update soon for Goro's birthday <3

Again, any and all love for Ren's palace makes me giddy since it is by far the aspect of the fic that took the longest to plan ;3; and there's no such thing as "too long" comments or asks for me by the way please know this is very sweet to read, i hope you have a great day! and look forward to people having a hashtagbadtime next chapter sdkjfhjkf

[wolvertooth]

ok so im reading wolverine volume 2 to try to get some context for whatever the fucks going on in uncanny. at somepoint, sabretooth starts hunting wolverine more frequently, saying hes his father(which turns out not to be true, dont worry lol). hes been given this belief and nobody can figure out why.

after being given hallucinogenic poison, sabretooth starts to break free from the need to kill and logan starts to remember something…

at first i thought he was trying to say ‘papa’ or something, but then its revealed he was trying to say ‘partner’(uglyyyyyy panel omg)

im not sure if logan remembers them being partners at this point, but he definitely does later. but the thorazine? not ever brought up again(as far as i saw, maybe it is. its hard to find what comics come next in canon since its not contained in a single series, theyre all over the place).

anyway, he then gets xavier and jean to look into his brain, and he finds some memories that dont make sense. (shout out to this bit where creed straight up wants to take him out for a bday date)

(also shout out to whoever put this speech bubble below them LMAO)

logan then goes to the facility in weapon x where the memories were fabricated. in the animated series sabretooth goes too, but i guess he wouldnt need to in the comics since its implied he already has. i think sabretooth found out about it somehow, got captured, and given the new memory of being logans father. this makes sense since after the hallucination thing sobering him up, he drops that belief.

my theory though is that sabretooth got a lot more fucked up by weapon x than logan. i mean, im pretty sure the false memories were all given after they worked together, and they dont seem to have any other reason(outside of using trauma to activate their need to kill) than to make them all want to suddenly turn against eachother. and i think sabretooth specifically was a failsave for if logan ever escaped, to go seek out and kill him.

both big memories(the one with them being partners in suits and the one where silverfox was killed) were based around logans birthday. so thats probably the reason behind sabretooth seeking him out on his birthday every year, being mixed with the ingrained need to kill him, just based on the little amounts of context he has. BUT the reason for him angering logan? for bringing out the animal? for constantly bringing up silverfox? hes trying to get logan to remember. hes trying to help break him from the memory blocks.

and hes trying to break free from his own programming. and its clear that at somepoint, he did. and he just wants logan to be free from it too.

the memory blocks are tied to logans animal side, but even later on when his animal side is finally released by sabretooth, it didnt really do anything for his memory. because at that point logan already remembers, while sabretooth is still under control of it. though, it is mentioned that something in sabretooths brain is unlocked from wolverine stabbing a claw through it? like he became more in control. that his need to kill is now his own choice. so maybe at that point he was just trying to get him to do that(also it kinda sucks that the canon gets passed around to different authors who will just ignore or get rid of established lore, so none of it really sticks for very long and the characters motives keep changing).

its weird though how logan remembers, yet still keeps trying to fight him. he knows its all fake, but still keeps the same opinion….basically sabretooths stuck with a partner whos forced by the narrative to never like him no matter what he does, while being equally doomed by the narrative to never be able to change. no matter how many times they break the spell, as long as the plot keeps going, theyll always be reset to their basic character traits. #peak romantic tragedy.

[tinybed]

im just going to vent post real quick because this bothers me and i just want to talk about it ok -_- this week at work i did everything i could but i’ve been feeling so mentally and emotionally drained, and physically very very drained, literally lifeless and in pain Lol. my forearms are stiff and creaky, my wrists and my fingers hurt, and my lower legs and feet hurt. it was extremely busy on sunday and monday wasnt too much better. so its been a hard week for me, on tuesday i went home and just cried a lot. and its really embarrassing because i wish i didnt feel this way and i was doing really good, but i guess my stamina is still adjusting and i had worked rly hard the past 3 weeks, so now im just kind of dealing with the effects of pushing it too far i guess. anyways yesterday one of the supervisors i rarely work with asked if i wanted to go on bar and i said yeah and he said it would be good for me to practice, and that made me feel shitty lol because i havent been practicing for a while now. i’ve been flexing between different stations and making all the drinks pretty fast, running around and being super attentive to every detail for the most part, and basically just doing everything everyone asks of me. and then later i told him im not rly practicing anymore, and he said i just need to get faster…. and that bothered me so much that i actually went upstairs and cried for a second that i had downtime :-/ it was just so discouraging, like i’ve been trying so hard and pushing myself to the limit in every way and now im burnt out emotionally and physically less mobile and i have to hear someone tell me i need to get faster despite that being the only time they have worked with me on bar? i told him my arms hurt and a co worker kinda made a joke about how lifting milk jugs is a work out for her, which eased the awkwardness a bit but clearly im still upset about it lol.

im going to keep trying and pushing forward but im worried because the amount of people we had on sunday + monday was so beyond what i feel capable of handling, and it kinda makes me feel like i suck honestly. i just worry about my future and what im going to do. i dont want to be a weak person or buckle under pressure, but im getting more and more stressed out seeing how my body cant keep up with what im doing. i’ve noticed my ability to listen and concentrate is deteriorating, i keep forgetting things. i was doing so well that i didnt even think to mention it, i was just happy with how i was progressing and proud of myself, so my confidence isnt very high now and i feel scared of what my future holds if im having this much of an issue doing something that most people would consider something anyone can do :-(

[daenystheedreamer]

god the Omeagorverse is brilliant brilliant brilliant. so good so delicious so nutritious to me. thank you thank you thank you for sharing it. i am actively considering taking pen to paper to physically draw out the family tree and draw like hearts and smiley faces and stars around the vile nasty rot :)

MWAH even though i still think its embarrassing im glad people are enjoying it<3 and oh dont worry i have a family tree of like nearly 900 characters at this point. It Is Evil For Me.... It's Terminal,... ten pages of character explanations below the cut do NOT click unless u want to walk around in my lovecraftian mind palace (shed of dumb ideas and deviantart OCs)

865 characters in what five months. God,

jae: hes maegor's firstborn with vis :3 maegor thinks he's lame and not good enough. jae is also oedipally insane about viserys because maegor was gross about it so he's got mommy issues about vis. he marries ceryse' niece as like an apology gift to the hightowers like sorry we did polygamy and disrespected you and inventented gay marriage sorry about that. he was also betrothed to aerea (shore up inheritance + appease rhaena) but viserra took aerea on the world's worst bachelorette party to valyria and only viserra returned alive :3. jae gots nutso after vis dies and starts bringing in boy youths as court favourites and maris kills him in a fit of rage due to his grossness and also maris has her own shit going on (lesbian drama, dw about it)

viserra: married into the lannisters to keep the iron throne's federal reserve in the clear and cos raising taxes spells real doom. she femdoms her husband and then kills him as a blood sacrifice to have kids (only death can pay for life). became regent for a while before house lannister kicked her out. marries into harrehal (lucamore the lusty is her hubby) kills him too. marries a couple more times, has a coupe kids, ends up trying to fly her dragon (vhagar btw) into the sun or moon or something. not 100% on her death yet.

daenys: oh poor baby girl. vis marries her into the starks to keep her safe from court + there was stark rebellion drama. has weird tension with her mother-in-law whos a bolton and her husband sucks too. she has 13 kids (9 make it to adulthood). daenys ends up killing maegor its a whole thing, hush hush. goes nutso after and she and vis die together codependently as one theyre the same person etcetc

aegon: jae's eldest, momma's boy. momma's special heir to the throne special boy. hates his twin brother aerion because aerion is daddy's favourite and jae obviously wishes aerion was heir instead. marries a lannister cousin and a velaryon who hate each other and it causes a succession crisis when he dies. he has a horrible emotionally and physically incestuous relationship with his sister helaena. aerion ends up kidnapping helaena and it causes a minor civil war where aegon and aerion both die RIP

aerion: jae's second, twin to aegon, daddy's specialist evil son. whats a little child endangerment between kids. kills the high septon when hes 14 cos the high septon was abusing helaena and gets exiled to essos at FOURTEEN cos he refused to admit why he did it (didnt wanna ruin helaena's reputation). he was just like lol #yolo he was cringe anyway. gets radicalised in essos cos why tf should cringe aegon get the throne when aerion is way cooler. kidnaps helaena but also in their minds its somewhat of a rescue cos everyone in westeros is weird about helaena. him and aegon die together :3 also he has a bastard with a martell bastard who does Rhoynish Restoration in essos with her three dragons she takes over volantis and burns the rot out of it at one point but thats not important. she's doing her own thing. ALSO HE CLAIMED BALERION that's also why he's so cunty about getting the throne he's like um you got vhagar the girl dragon and i got the cool old valyria dragon that granddaddy aegon rode so 🤨

helaena: helen of troy :3 she's one of grrms favourite historical girls; 6 year old who is breathtakingly gorgeous and everyone is weird about it. her cradle egg dragon is called urrax after the story of daeryssa and serwyn and also she befriended dreamfyre cos dreamfyre got depressed after rhaena died and started terrorising oldtown cos rhaelle was there. helaena did her horsegirl magic on dreamfyre and saved oldtown and so oldtown loves her. every man in the world wants to marry her but shes literally 13???? that does fucked up things to your psyche. has weird relationships with aegon and aerion due to them being her protectors and the only men growing up who werent weird about her but guess what babygirl. all feudal men are weird :3

daenerys: named after daenys which of course made the evil destiny stars align. she's basically the middle child so she's mostly ignored by both her parents. her dragon is called seafoam :3 she thinks both aegon and aerion are too neurotic to be king and she would be wayyy better. somewhat worships maegor cos he didnt gaf about primogeniture. gets married off to corlys velaryon (he still exists here) but she doesn't mind to much cos she likes exploring essos with corlys. best friends with aegon's velaryon wife and HATES the lannister wife soooo much. after aegon dies, viserys takes the throne which makes her sooooo fucking mad but she gets to be hand of the king with corlys. after viserys dies she and corlys swoop in and do the westerosi regency era until her grand-nephew comes of age. absentee mother because she's too busy girlbossing her way through the red keep

viserys: babyboy you were never gonna be normal with a name like that. jae is weird about him cos viserys looks exactly like his namesake he's also soft and likes non-reptillian animals and being nice to people which is not very targaryen of him. jae has him trained by his kingsguard to beat the pussy out of him but it just makes vis an even sadder kitten. has clinical depression (diagnosed at 5 years old) so cant even get angry and rage and blow up the red keep like he wishes he could. forced to marry aerion's spurned betrothed who's their distant cousin alyssa arryn (half targ herself, i had vaella survive and marry rodrik similar to daella). alyssa is crazygirl she gets radicalised by a red priestess from asshai 😈 they agree to have a sexless unconssumated marriage though. viserys gets voted king after aerion and aegon die (aegon's kids and wives have their own drama going on so a council is necessary) and he's like what if i just kill myself but he's got a slightly evil kingsguard boyfriend whos like nooo dont kill urself youre so powerful now ahaha. pretty okay king, basically lets daenerys rule cos he's too busy being depressed and wanting to khs :( poor baby. anyway alyssa hears a prophecy about TPTWP and AA and goes megacuckoo and does blood magic to have kids and that's its whole drama dw about it. he does end up getting to kill himself though good for him 😭

maegelle: poor baby. gets married off to the hightowers at FOURTEEN cos jae thinks she's weird and autistic and needs her outta the red keep. he's like dont u wanna be lady of the hightower? its so big!! and shes like no because my special interest is religion and prophetic dragon dreams. she weirds him out too much with her prophesies of his death etc. ends up achieving religious euphoria ecstasy etc after getting visions and doing some miracles and abandons her husband and daughters to live in a convent. she doesnt realise she's just trying to escape the cycle of targ torment the only way she knows how :(

anyway thats just like 9 of my guys i invented. i mostly do this so i have something for my brain to think about when im trying to go to sleep but The Thoughts are tormenting me. can you tell im a little funny in the brain. anyway if u made it this far i love u i love u i love u♡

[mejomonster]

Okay so. My ability to focus is weak af recently. Regardless, gonna liveblog if I do manage to read ToT. I found Huai Dao Way of Evil on one of ur recommendations, as an older priest novel that kinda felt like the rough first try at the vibe Modu would nail later? (Also i have heard in reviews its uh best case cringe worst case insensitive at handling mental health issues which... modu handles so well and nuanced so, i mean i guess worst case at least things improved? But ive ran into enough (unfortunately) novels that handle the topic shittily that i hope im kind of hardened to it. Like i suspect sci mystery probably handles mental stuff suckily but im still gonna give it a shot one day for its other qualities, etc.) Anyway back to my point: huai dao may not be lets say up to spec of "wow one of my new top fave stories ever" like modu was. But hey! Still lets go on this journey! See how skills evolved, see what ideas were older and got cherished and improved ya know. (Also reasons id love to read Iterant Doctor and The Blue Seal by priest).

Also? Frankly. I love a good murder mystery. I read the first few pages. And already I can tell, at least writing style wise, ill like huai dao more than In The Dark (sorry ITD i just dont click as much style wise). Huai Dao doesnt open on a scary or mysterious scene to make me wonder whats going on: which Lie Huo Jiao Chou, Zhenhun, Modu, and Can Ci Pin all do fairly quickly (and its a good choice from my perspective lol as it gets me sucked in). But it does open with solid CHARACTERS. A couple pages in and i already have a much firmer Feel of the characters than 100 pages of In The Dark. I can tell the police girl has some vibes in common with Zhu Hong and Lang Qiao (but priest just loves a few certain Types in the investigator work groups), but she also distincrly doesnt have a Little Sister big mouth vibe of Lang Qiao and also doesnt have a cold judging but fond vibe like Zhu Hong, she feels distinct enough for me to get a sense of her as unique (something i think priest does well that... again ITD just did not really give me until maybe halfway thru book 1). The main chief boss seems a lot like ITD's chief, and Modu's. Except modu even early on had hints the chief had secrets, was a certain social class and tied to powerful city people. This chief, at least on opening pages, seems more close and friendly to his entire team and closer to their level.

And the main guy. Shen Yexi. On first impression, oh boy. I like him. Hes around my age, he got shot and just got cleared to come back to work. The setup is standard for many a mirder mystery and danmei crime novel (Poyun and In The Dark open similarly, its just a common setup). But immediately i can tell who he is on some level. He's friendly but not nearly in the way Zhao Yunlan is (not charismatic and big) and not in the show offy almost perfotmance Keep In Control way Luo Wenzhou is. He exudes a certain Serious nature (more like shen wei maybe? If anything) but also is sincere to people he considers somewhat close (like his team). Again, i deeply appreciate the way priest can immediately establish at least some specific sense of character quite quickly. Ive read bits of a few other novels lately that couldnt do that as fast, and for me unique characters i can really grasp goes a Long way into holding my attention.

Shen Yexi is about my age, as stubborn as me, probably too much of a workaholic and a touch too sincere about doing what hes intending to do (at least on first impression). And i can tell im gonna like him. As the 3rd case solving murders type priest story ive checked out (after zhenhun and modu), i was a bit worried the lead might feel like a less refined version of zhao yunlan or luo wenzhou or tao ran. Happy to say, so far, he does not. (Tao ran may be closest in temperment but... fei du and luo wenzhous point of views painted tao ran as so perfect and put on a pedestal of normal sweet noble Great that Shen Yexi just has NONE of tao rans vibe).

Anyway, expect more commentary at some point.

Btw I am reading The Way of Evil 坏道 on WOC Translations, the translation is complete:

[bigprettygothgf]

unbox thread

box 1: bigbadtoystore pile of loot

actually the one i spent the least amount of money on since all i had to pay for was tax and shipping everything else was already paid for and the last thing i added was thru store credit. been waiting to ship since december

first off: even more diorama setpieces. im worried this company has disbanded because there hasnt been any updates since last year and a lot of their product has sold out on most sites, including everything here. the top box i only got because i happened to catch one that went up after someone presumably cancelled their order, i had to cancel my siege sky lynx reissue to pay for it bc i didnt have another $80 lying around but this was far more important since im not sure ill ever be able to get it again. its already kinda hard to find info on these smaller chinese companies so i guess ill have to wait and see but i hope their line is continuing because i fucking love these sets. anyways

kämpfer to build later, my favorite mobile suit, knowing me this will either get built like tonight or in like 6 months

siege optimus, this has randomly restocked on several sites so its either uncovered old stock or a new production run. either way recently ive been trying to collect a more cohesive g1 autobot collection since i realised compared to my decepticons their situation is kinda (really) dire. earthrise optimus has risen up by a bit on the aftermarket but i think that version looks way worse and vastly preferred this version anyways so idc, if i later decide i *really* need a trailer ill look elsewhere

got the siege jetfire reissue, as prev mentioned i was gonna get the sky lynx reissue too but had to cancel him. will get that later, he seems a lot more abundant than jetfire is

i really love him. only thing i dont like is the hand gimmick where a 3mm port flips out whenever the fingers are closed because theyre loose and cause his guns to just kinda flop around but its whatever. and also the jet mode is gappy and ugly but its hard to make a good toy out of a design that fundamentally was clearly drawn by someone that did not give a shit lol so idc its fine still

g2 ramjet, one of my favorite 90s neon nightmare recolors, clearly the basis for slipstream. got on sale for like $25 back before bbts made the horrible decision to not allow sale items to be added to stack

addon kit for legacy scourge, i still have massive problems with that toy but this will help. a bit. i thought they sent me the wrong kit at first bc the box still showed laser prime and was panicking since this set is sold out now lol but i opened it and sure enough its correct, guess they saw no sense in redoing the box since its just a variant

more neca alien/predator, i do love the avp arcade game aesthetic, sucks that anime dutch is the only dutch you can get now that wont cost you a kidney but what can you do

and finally my most important acquisition

bf1 spam