#and im on my period so the fear of my low cal day triggering a binge tomorrow is very real
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Gonna hang with family again this weekend and I know nothing about what the plan is/if there will be food/what that food would even be/what times I will be with this family and therefore what meals I will be on the hook for so I’m stressing again
But I’m sure I’m stressing for no reason because every time I’m stressed about these situations and then I post about that stress on here I come out the other side lighter so hopefully that trend keeps up
#im not even joking#the last two family dinners i restricted more than i would otherwise#but also i restricted higher today that i would normally#and im on my period so the fear of my low cal day triggering a binge tomorrow is very real#ana#ed#im also just a freak about planning meals#so not knowing the plan is just all around stressful
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#again puttingthis in tags bc I dont want to trigger anybody#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#I am in hell#I made my first meal of the day which is already rly low cal tbh but im still like !!!!!!!! rly rly rly dont wanna eat it#and its all bc I weighed myself this morning which was DUMB#im 2lbs heavierthan yesterday and logically ik that I didnt gain fat overnight and that it is prob bc I ate high sodium foods yesterday AND#im on my period so im gonna b carrying water weight#but like :/ I still ://///#dont wanna eat and I kinda wanna keep starving myself bc after years of this hell my hunger cues are all messed up#and I already ignore when im feeling hungry#so now its like AHHHHHH#ive just been sitting here staring at my meal which is literally 2 boiled eggs and a bowl of cherries and tea with splenda#like its not that deep girl#your fear foods arent even present#just EAT THE FOOD#I hate this#im gonna have to get rly high and distract myself with netflix or something so im not thinking about the food while I eat ir#I hate this and I hate that this is my life#entries
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