#and in this case I’m happy he did bc he was completely right

[teawiththegods]

Apollo really was right when he said to me

“People like that aren’t worth your energy or the dirtying of your hands. They’ll cast curses on themselves. All you have to do is sit back and watch”

[nickfowlerrr]

everybody talks

pairing: bucky barnes x curvy!reader

warnings: 18+ only. smut, fluff, a bit of angst. unprotected p in v. dirty talk. nipple play. if i’m missing something that needs to be tagged, pls lmk!

words: almost 7.7k

notes: happy halloween 👻 so i had an idea for reclusive neighbor!bucky meeting reader when she stops by his house with a group of kids for trick or treating, and this is very much not that but i think it still works lol. also, i wrote this in a day? i don’t think i’ve ever written more than like 4k in a day before so, yay me!

i wanted to participate in @witchywithwhiskey’s horror movie hoe-a-thon but i decided so last minute and then thought the deadline was the 31st, but i absolutely read the guidelines wrong bc it was actually yesterday and i missed it lol. i’m linking her event still though bc i did use a quote prompt! 🖤

The loud shaking of the wobbly cart you grabbed in your hurry precedes you as you make your way through the ridiculously crowded grocery store. Normally you would have been mortified - probably would have left the cart and ventured off to grab what you needed sans basket - but you don’t have the time to be concerned about the looks you’re getting as you walk fast down the aisles. 

When your sister asked you for help organizing a family halloween party, you didn’t realize she meant an actual little community family friendly party for the street she lived on.

You had gotten two frozen pizzas, a bag of candy, a case of soda, and some random bags of chips you were sure your nieces would love, just last night. That would have certainly been enough for you, your nieces, and both your sisters, but unfortunately, that wasn’t where the guest list ended. 

The look on her face when you showed up to her house with just those few things would have been funny if she wasn’t already on the brink of a breakdown.

Her husband was out of town for work and she was doing all the halloween prep for Sid herself, thus why she enlisted your help with the party and your younger sister’s help for the trick or treating plans.

Before she could snap and completely lose her cool on you, you were already rushing to the front door, keys still in hand, promising you’d be back within the hour and she had nothing to worry about.

That’s how you found yourself among the crowd of the woefully unprepared this afternoon. 

You loaded the cart with six more frozen pizzas, three family servings of the deli’s hot and ready fried chicken, two packs of halloween cupcakes, two more cases of soda, an extra case of water, and three boxes of capri suns before you started filling the cart with the halloween party snacks you found in the holiday section. 

You were getting a workout as you pushed the basket, less shaky now thanks to the added weight, heading to the candy section to grab a few bags of whatever they had left.

You were distracted by the end cap display as you turned down the aisle and didn’t see the man standing right in front of you, accidentally running into him. Though, running into him sounds like an exaggeration. With how heavy your basket was, and how sturdy the man before you was, it was more like a bump - a love tap. He didn’t even really react to it aside from looking over briefly to you and your basket.

Even still, you apologized profusely, rambling an apology about not looking where you were going before you finally got an actual look at your victim. 

Your words stopped almost abruptly when your eyes met with crystal blues. His stare was icy, but not cold, moreso piercing.

He blinked and broke your trance, offering you a shy smile before he looked away.

“It’s okay, you’re fine,” he said, eyes fixed back on the shelves of candy.

He was dressed in dark denim jeans and a black crewneck sweatshirt, his hair was dark and down to just above his broad shoulders, and the stubble that lined his strong jaw suited him well. You didn’t realize you were staring again until he looked back up at you.

You forced yourself to smile then, ignoring the heat you could feel creeping up your neck and rising to your cheeks.

“Sorry,” you offered with a nervous laugh before you forced the cart behind where he stood to go onward. 

You could have sworn you saw a blush rising to his cheeks as he smiled to himself, avoiding your gaze, but you weren’t entirely sure. 

And you definitely didn’t have the time to ponder on it.

Instead, you began your own search of the shelves to find not only your nieces’ favorites, but your sisters’, too. 

They were both working hard to make their kids’ halloween a good one, they deserved a little treat themselves when all the work was done. You, on the other hand, still single and child free, were planning on treating yourself all night. You were there to help, sure, but most of the work wouldn’t be done by you. You were looking forward to seeing them off to trick or treat and plopping down on your sister’s couch to watch movies for the rest of the night - handing out candy, of course, should any kids come by.

Once the party was set up and over, you’d be free for the night and you couldn’t wait.

You were lucky to find most of what you were looking for, but couldn’t seem to find the last kind of chocolates you wanted to get. 

As your eyes scoured the shelves, you found yourself looking back over to where the handsome stranger still stood. His brows were furrowed as he held up two boxes of full size candy bars, seeming to be debating between the two.

The look of concentration on his face was endearing, you could almost chuckle at how serious in thought he seemed to be over candy.

You smiled to yourself, returning to your search. As your eyes left the man, traveling instead to the rows of candy in front of him, that was when you saw the bag you needed. In the section right where he was standing, because of course they’d be there. 

He huffed in exasperation before you watched him drop both boxes of candy into his cart. He turned to head down the aisle in your direction and his eyes widened slightly when he saw you still standing there.

“Oh, sorry, I’m in your way, aren’t I.”

“No, you’re fine!” You assured him as you left your basket, walking closer to him. “I just needed to grab this,” you said, looking up with the bag in hand. He hadn’t moved from where he stood as you approached, so you were inadvertently in his personal space - but he didn’t make any attempt to move from you. In fact, he looked almost frozen. 

His bright eyes were on you, one hand on his cart, the other clenched by his side. He seemed to go a bit ridge at your proximity, like he didn’t want to make any sudden movements, but he relaxed after a second after seeing your soft smile, blinking at you as his cheeks burned. 

You quickly backed away, hoping to not make him more uncomfortable and to not embarrass yourself further.

You grabbed onto your cart and looked his way once more, meeting his eye again as his sights were already on you. 

You smiled shyly, “Sorry, again, for hitting you,” you offered, “happy halloween.”

He didn’t respond verbally, but he did give you a small nod of acknowledgement.

Your smile grew tighter before you turned and made for the check out, sighing as you rolled your eyes at yourself, mentally chastising yourself for being such an awkward inducing mess. 

The lines were long and as you waited, you had to field a call from your sister, promising her you were checking out and would be back at her house soon.

You finally got through the line and were on your way out the sliding door when your cart almost crashed into another. You gasped as you pulled at your cart to stop, the heavy weight carrying it forward, its momentum causing it to almost ram right into the cart beside it.

The doors were only big enough for one cart to go through at a time, so you looked up to offer whoever it was you almost crashed into the lead.

It was your turn for your eyes to widen as you once again were met with those piercing blues.

“I am so sorry, I’m not doing this on purpose, I swear,” you laughed nervously, backing up a bit so he’d have room to go through the doors. “Go for it,” you said.

He shook his head, “Please,” he gestured for you to go in front, “ladies first.”

Had you not been in a hurry, you would’ve argued that he should go ahead, but seeing as your phone was lighting up with messages from your erratic sister, you smiled and pushed on forward. “Thank you,” you breathed.

You were trying not to pay attention as he followed behind you, but when you got to your car, halting your basket at your trunk, you couldn’t help but notice as he stopped next to you.

You looked over at him, and he looked over at you. He smiled this time, popping his trunk, “What are the odds?”

You tittered, not knowing how to respond. You couldn’t help your smile though as you turned back to your trunk and started putting the bags in.

He himself didn’t have much in the way of bags, and was finished putting his stuff away and taking his cart back by the time you were halfway done putting your stuff in your car.

You saw as he approached his door from your peripheral, and looked up and over in his direction as he abruptly stopped just before he was about to pull open his door.

For a second, he looked like he was about to turn around but then thought better of it, reaching for the door handle again before pulling away once more. 

He squeezed his car keys in his hand before he turned back around, completely this time. You blinked at him, in a bit of a stupor as he came up to you. You waited for him to speak as he opened his mouth before quickly shutting it, taking a breath, then anxiously licking his lips.

“I’m Bucky,” he introduced himself a bit stiffly before his lip quirked up in a nervous half smile. Your brows raised of their own volition before you gave him your name in turn.

He seemed to be relieved by your reply, as if he was worried you would have ignored him, before he took another step closer to your car. “Can I give you a hand?”

“Oh, uhm, sure. That’d be great, thanks.”

“Big plans for the night?” he asked as he slid the packs of soda and the water into the car.

“My sister is hosting a little halloween party for the families on her street before they head out trick or treating tonight, I’m helping her out with setup and food. But after that,” you sighed, putting a few more bags in, “I’m planning on just watching movies between trick or treaters. Nothing crazy. You?” you asked, looking over to him.

“I’m planning pretty much the same. I don’t know how many trick or treaters to expect, I’m new to the neighborhood and… maybe haven’t been the friendliest neighbor,” he cringed to himself as he grabbed the boxes of juice. “But I got the full size candy bars, so…”

“Sprung for the full size, huh? I’m sure those kids’ll love it. You’ll be the talk of the block,” you joked.

His chuckle had you smiling so hard you had to bite your lip to keep from looking like an idiot.

Bucky took the last of the bags from you and set them carefully down before he closed the trunk for you. You were hanging onto the cart, waiting to say bye before you walked it to its home, as he turned, shoving his hands in his pockets before he spoke. He had that anxious look on his face again, his eyes down at the ground while he licked his lips mindlessly before he met your eye.

“I, uhm,” he seemed to register where his hands were then and took them out of his pockets, “I hope this isn’t too presumptuous of me, but, did you maybe, want to exchange numbers?” he asked, bright blue eyes bearing into yours.

Your lips parted unbidden, eyebrows raising in surprise, or more like shock, as your eyes widened.

“You- you want my number?” you asked stupidly. You didn’t give him a chance to answer though before you continued, “Uhm, yeah,” you nodded, “sure.”

The delicate smile on your lips grew as you reached for your phone.

You exchanged numbers and said your goodbyes before you were finally headed back to your sister’s place.

You were smiling like a fool as you drove, a sense of giddy taking over you. This kind of stuff never happened to you. You were still in a bit of disbelief as you pulled into your sister’s driveway, calling her to help you unload but deciding against telling her about your little grocery store meet cute. At least until the party was underway and her stress levels came down.

—

Grumpy. 

That’s the word you would use to describe your current state.

This was not how tonight was supposed to go. You should be lounging on a couch watching scary movies with a bowl full of candy right now, not clopping down the street in your wedges - a last minute costume thrown together as your niece held your hand and pulled you along with her while your sisters and baby niece strolled behind.

Sidney had thrown a fit when she learned you wouldn’t be coming along for trick or treating and only calmed down when you finally relented and agreed. But of course, you couldn’t just go out in what you were already wearing, no, that would be too easy. You absolutely needed a costume. 

At your sisters’ and niece’s goading, you were forced to put something together. 

You were already in all black, so you snagged the leftover cat ear headband your sister had and made your already done eye look a little more exaggerated. You all left soon after, your niece’s jubilance as she skipped out of the house easing your annoyance at the change of plans. As you started down the driveway, you were cursing yourself for not having brought your sneakers, and your sisters for both having smaller feet than you.

You walked up to house after house with your niece, taking turns switching who was going up to the door every two or three houses. In between houses, you finally told your sisters about the guy you met at the store earlier, how attractive he was, how he helped you load your car, and how he asked for your number before you went your separate ways.

It was nice to be able to talk with them about it, it had been a long time since it had been just the three of you together - no obnoxious boyfriends or overly talkative husbands to interrupt your conversations. You had to say, you were starting to feel a bit more grateful for your niece’s insistence on you joining them.

As you talked to your little sister while she held her daughter, you both watched as your niece tugged on her mom’s hand, refusing to go up the pathway of the house you were now at. As you looked around, you realized everyone else seemed to be avoiding the house, too. You weren’t sure why, though. The porch light was on and there was a cute, though solitary, ghost decoration that would greet you as you walked up the path to the house. 

“What is up with that?” you asked aloud.

As your older sister walked back over, she answered your question. “She doesn’t wanna go, she says it’s haunted.”

You fixed your niece with a look, “What do you mean haunted? Who told you that?”

“Evan and Fifi. They said the metal man lives here and he kills anyone who tries to come in.”

“The metal man, huh? Well,” you said, making a point of looking all around the front of the house, “it looks to me like whoever lives here is ready to pass out candy to anyone brave enough to knock. The lights are on, and did you see the ghost up front? They’re probably just as excited about Halloween as you are.”

“No.” she responded flatly.

“No?” you scoffed. “Ohhh, okay,” you exaggerated, “I get it, you’re too scared to go. That’s all you had to say, Sid, no shame.”

“I’m not scared,” she argued, her face scrunched in annoyance at your insult.

“Really? If you’re not scared then why won’t you go knock on the door?”

She floundered for a second before she narrowed her gaze at you. You wanted to laugh at the low growl that radiated from her but held it together. 

“We’ll all go,” she finally decided, looking all three of you in the eyes to make sure you were all ready to accompany her.

—

It had been two hours since the trick or treaters had started their nights. 

Bucky could hear the laughter and screams of playful fright as family after family and group after group of friends passed by his house. 

The bowl of king size candy bars sat on his coffee table untouched as It played on his screen. 

Every now and again he’d get up and look out the kitchen window, hoping to see a dead street to make himself feel better about the lack of trick or treaters, but only found the streets full of people.

The more time that passed without a single knock or ringing of his bell, the worse he felt. 

He could lie and say he didn’t know why he was taking this so hard, he wasn’t one to complain about his solitude, but truthfully, he knew why.

He had heard the neighbor kids talking about him the other week, telling tales of horror about the metal man who lived next door. If seeing his arm was all it took to spur their tales and ignite their fear of him, God, he didn’t even want to know what would come if they found out even a little bit of his past. 

And if it wasn’t the kids starting their own urban legend at his expense, it was the adults who would gossip about him at their backyard barbecues. The mysterious man who lived alone and kept to himself was an easy target for lowly neighborhood gossip, and the few people who had pieced together who he was seemed to be tight lipped about it. Anytime they saw him in public, their eyes would bug and they would quickly avert their gaze, like they were scared what would happen if he knew they knew. It’s not like his identity was a secret, but he wasn’t planning on striking up a conversation with them to let them know that. Especially not when they looked at him like that. Like he was some kind of monster.

Even still, he didn’t want to be the social pariah on the block. He hated to think that anyone was scared or weary of him, though he knew most of them were.

He sighed heavily as he checked the time once again. 

So much for that ghost helping to dispel his bad reputation. He’d be requesting the money he spent on it from Sam later, it was his idea for him to get halloween decorations in the first place. He should have known it wouldn’t have helped.

As his phone unlocked with his FaceID, he was tempted to send a message to the woman he’d met earlier in the day. He wasn’t sure what it was about her, but he hadn’t felt so disarmed by someone in a very long time. And the fact that she was gorgeous, and didn’t seem the least bit frightened by him, was a nice feeling, too. 

But she was probably watching movies and relaxing by now, he didn’t want to be a disturbance. Tomorrow, though. He’d definitely be messaging her tomorrow.

Another sigh left him as he locked his phone again, tossing it on the coffee table before making his decision.

Bucky paused the movie before he stood, bowl in hand, prepared to take it to the kitchen and shut his porch light off on his way upstairs. It was only gonna get later and he had to accept that no one was going to trick or treat at his house this year.

But just as he was setting the bowl down on the table, he froze.

Was someone actually coming up the porch?

He swore he was just hearing things…but then came a knock.

—

“You can’t just stand there, Sid, you have to knock or ring the bell, pick one.”

“No.”

“Ugh,” you exaggerated with an eye roll, turning to look at your older sister, “you live with this everyday?”

“Everyday,” she replied.

“Sid, if you don’t knock, you don’t get candy,” you told her.

“If I don’t knock, I don’t get murdered.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll do it myself,” you shrugged, adjusting the cat ears on your head.

You raised your arm to knock on the door, but Sid stopped you, pulling it back down.

“I don’t want you to get murdered, either!”

“Sidney,” you laughed, kneeling to get on her level, “I promise you, no one is going to get murdered. This house isn’t haunted and a murderer doesn’t live here.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” your little sister chimed in, earning a glare from you before you couldn’t help your laugh, shaking your head before turning back to your niece.

“I just met Evan and Fifi at the party, and I know for a fact they were just trying to scare all of you guys. I doubt they’ve ever met whoever it is that lives here. Now, do you trust me?”

Her reluctant nod was your answer.

“Okay. Then I’m gonna knock on the door, and we’re gonna get some candy. Cool?”

“Cool.”

“Cool,” you nodded with a smile before standing back up.

Sid inched back to stand in front of her mom, pulling her arm to hide herself behind as you once again went to knock on the door, this time following through.

You knocked and heard footsteps from within, smiling as you waited for the homeowner to open the door.

Once it opened, though, you found yourself completely taken aback. 

Your breath caught in your throat as a newly familiar pair of brilliant blue eyes met yours.

Bucky stood at the open door, bowl of full size candy bars in hand. He looked just as surprised to see you there as you were him. 

He tilted his head at you, a lopsided grin spreading on his face.

“Trick or treat!” Sidney yelled, seeing the big bars and coming to stand in front of you.

Bucky looked down, smiling as he showed her the bowl, “Happy Halloween,” he said, allowing her to pick which one she wanted.

“I know how this looks, but I swear I’m not stalking you,” you promised.

“I don’t know, it seems like a lotta coincidences for just one day,” he smirked, cooly leaning against his door frame. “Nice costume,” he complimented.

“Ha, thanks,” you smiled, touching the cat ears once again. “Nice ghost,” you nodded toward the lonely decoration, “Really livens up the place,” you teased. 

“That was the intention,” he laughed, a little too glumly for your liking. “You guys are actually the first trick or treaters I’ve had all night, so I guess it didn’t really do its job.”

“Sorry, you guys know each other?” your sister asked.

“Yeah, uh,” you turned briefly, “this is Bucky,” you said.

“Bucky from the grocery store, Bucky?” your little sister asked.

You gave her a look you hoped Bucky didn’t see before answering, “Yes. That Bucky.”

Your sisters introduced themselves to him and as he switched the candy bowl from his right hand to his left, extending his palm to shake their hands, you noticed a glimmer coming from  his left side.

You moved over a bit to allow them room to shake hands and as you looked closer, you realized that, peculiarly enough, his left hand wasn’t made of flesh. 

You scoffed a laugh to yourself at his “metal man” moniker. That made some sense now… In fact, a few things were clicking into place. Bucky, you thought…Bucky Barnes? The Bucky Barnes. You wondered how you hadn’t noticed earlier, not that it mattered, but you were staring, like kind of a lot, at him when you met at the store, and even when he was helping load your groceries. You really must have been distracted by just how gorgeous his face is.

Now that you were really looking at him again, you noticed just how built he was. Strong arms, solid chest, nearly six foot tall if you had to guess. 

Your sister’s laugh brought you back to reality as you followed her gaze to Sid who was now taking a bunch of bars from Bucky’s bowl as he held it out for her again.

“I doubt anyone is coming my way again, so please, take what you want,” he offered to all of you.

“That’s really nice of you, thanks,” you smiled as your sisters each took a bar of their own. “We’ll uh, let you get back to your movie,” you said, remembering his plans for tonight.

“The movie, yeah. I think I might have to start it over, actually. I went on my phone for a minute and looked up to see a blood covered bathroom but I have no idea how they got there,” he huffed a laugh at himself.

“Oh, what are you watching?” your little sister asked.

“It,”

“It? No way, that’s so funny. That’s the movie you were gonna watch before we left tonight, isn’t it?” your older sister asked knowingly, a smirk no one but you and your younger sister would ever catch flashing for a microsecond on her lips as she looked at you pointedly.

“Yeah,” you swallowed thickly, “it is,” you said, trying not to let the awkwardness that was eating at you consume you entirely.

“You should stay and watch it,” your little sister suggested, to your complete and utter mortification. Your eyes shot over to her, and you swear, if looks could kill. 

“I’m not just going to invite myself-”

“Come on, like he minds,” she turned to look at Bucky then, her hands still on her stroller holding her baby, “you don’t mind, do you?”

You peek over at Bucky, unsure of how you would even react if you were in his position. He met your eye and his lips quirked in a soft smile. “Not at all. If you wanted to, that is,” he added, offering you an out.

You looked at him a moment before looking over to your smugly smiling sisters and your niece as she tore into one of her candy bars, standing safely between the two of them. You inhaled sharply before looking back to a waiting Bucky. 

You nodded.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Sounds…fun.”

“Great, well we were heading back anyway. So, see you later?” you sister bid. 

“Or not,” your little sister added teasingly before she shot her gaze over to Bucky once more. “But we do have her location, just so you know,” she added seriously, a hint of a warning in her words.

“Ooo-kay,” you said, breaking the forthcoming tension, “I will text you guys when I’m on my way back,” you told them, urging them to get going.

“It was nice to meet you, Bucky. I trust my sister will get home safe,” your sister said directly.

“I’ll make sure of it,” he responded gallantly while your face felt as if it was literally on fire.

What was this, it was like your parents were dropping you off for your first date in high school. But somehow worse.

She nodded, “And thank you for the candy. Sidney,” she called, getting her daughter’s attention, “what do we say?”

“Thank you! Happy Halloween!”

“You’re very welcome,” Bucky smiled. “Happy Halloween.”

—

It wasn’t long before you found yourself sitting on Bucky’s couch, a glass of water you had desperately needed sitting before you on the coffee table and Bucky sitting to the left of you, but keeping a respectable distance.

“I’m really sorry about my sisters, by the way. They can be a lot,” you huffed a laugh.

“Don’t be,” he brushed off, “It’s nice to see, honestly.”

You looked over at him, he seemed a bit forlorn before he came back to himself. 

“You know, my niece was almost too scared to come to your door. She said this house is haunted, that ‘the metal man’ lives here and kills anyone who tries to enter.”

“Ah, I see word travels fast when it comes to children.”

“Yeah, you’re kind of like their own urban legend.”

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully as you laughed, lifting a leg up to cross under your thigh as you turned to face him on the couch.

“What?” you asked, “Don’t you want to be an urban legend?”

“Not really,” he laughed with a shake of his head, turning to face you better as well. “Especially not when it leaves me with bowls full of king sized candy bars no one seems to want.”

There’s a pause before he continues,

“Honestly… I don’t like knowing people are scared of me. I mean I’ve known, for a long time, that they are, it’s just.. Different when you can see that fear on their faces, in person.”

You didn’t even realize you were moving as you scooted in closer to him while he spoke.

“I thought the city was bad, but ever since I moved out here, it’s all so much more intimate. The stares are a lot more pointed.” He laughed humorlessly at himself, “I heard a couple kids talking about my arm a few weeks ago and tried to tell myself I didn’t care, but I’ve been wearing nothing but long sleeves every time I go outside now. 

“I’m not ashamed of it,” he said quickly to clarify, “I just, I don’t want them to have to be scared of me.”

“They shouldn’t be scared of you just because you have a prosthetic arm,” you argued, knowing they surely knew nothing else of who he was, “and their parents should probably be leading by better examples.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugged, “what can you do?” He swallowed the lump in his throat that was forming at your defense of him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring all this up-”

“No, I’m sorry, that’s on me. I am incredibly skilled at killing conversations before they even begin.”

“I don’t know about that. You don’t know me well yet, so you don’t know how big of a deal this is, but, I like talking to you,” he smiled. 

You had to look away from his gaze, breathing a laugh as you did. 

The movie was playing on screen, but neither of you were paying any attention to it as you continued talking.

Each time Bucky laughed at your lame jokes, you swore you felt like you were flying. You talked about everything and nothing. You got to know each other better, asking questions about life and preferences and favorites and what-ifs. The conversation flowed so easily, you never even really had to think about what to say next. That definitely wasn’t usual for you, and you liked it. You liked him.

Somewhere along the way, the conversation turned flirty, and again, it was completely effortless. 

Your knees were pressing against one another as you sat across from each other, almost side by side on the couch.

You laughed in unison at a cheesy line Bucky tried on you before a jump scare on the screen had you quite literally jumping. Without thought, you leaned into Bucky, and he had no qualms about it as you hid your face in his shoulder.

He laughed lightly, his arm coming around you and gently rubbing your back before you forced yourself to pull away. His warmth was so nice and welcoming, but if you didn’t back up, you would’ve tried to nuzzle right into his side - you couldn’t risk the embarrassment.

As you turned back to sit next to him though, he kept his arm around you and tugged you in a bit closer. 

You briefly wondered if he could hear your heartbeat, because you definitely could. You thought it might beat out of your chest at any moment as his warm cologne invaded your senses.

“Sorry, I guess I just assumed you liked scary movies,” he laughed.

“Ya know what’s funny is I actually hate scary movies,” you told him, “the It movies are some of the very few that don’t scare me.”

“Oh, that was you not being scared?” he smirked with a raised brow.

“That was- it just, it caught me off guard,” you defended with a smile, absentmindedly leaning more into his hold.

You had never gotten so close to someone in such a short amount of time, emotionally or physically. 

It was foreign, but you enjoyed it. It may have been sudden, but it didn’t feel rushed. 

“You get scared easily?” he asked.

“I’m the biggest scaredy cat I know,” you admitted. “I’m not hard to get a jump out of, I get scared of literally everything,” you laughed at yourself.

You turned to look at him when he didn’t say anything and felt your breath catch in your throat for the second time that night. He was so close to you now, and his eyes were piercing as he took you in, lingering on your lips and sending a chill through you.

The energy between you seemed to shift from something light and playful to something more charged, deliberate.

Your eyes drifted to his lips despite yourself, too.

He leaned in just a touch closer to you and your lips were mere inches away as he spoke,

“You’re not scared of me,” he said, though you weren’t sure if it was a question or not. Still, you responded as if it were.

Leaning in, brushing your lips against his, you breathed, “No.”

His hand was on your head then, keeping you close to him as he pressed his lips against yours, it was fervent, yet delicate, as your lips moved against one another. 

You moved a hand to hold onto his left shoulder and he tugged your body to move you completely over his lap while he continued to lead the kiss.

His metal hand found its way to your plush waist as he held you, squeezing you lightly and inadvertently causing you to sink down lower into his lap while your upper body melted into him.

His hand slid from your waist to your ass, grabbing you through your leggings, kneading your ample flesh in his large palm.

You moaned into his mouth and that seemed to spur him on because in the blink of an eye you found yourself being flipped onto your back as he pinned you beneath his large body.

When he finally broke the kiss, you were both panting, your hands fisted in his sweatshirt as his wandered your curves. 

“Do you have a bed?” you breathed, pulling him back down to be closer to you, wanting desperately to have his lips on yours once more. He nodded.

“Glad you asked,” he returned, voice low and husky.

You yelped as Bucky lifted you in his arms, standing and carrying you with ease while you clung to him like your life depended on it. If he dropped you, you weren’t sure you’d be able to recover from the embarrassment. But as he began up the steps and his hold didn’t falter for a single second, you realized maybe there wasn’t anything to worry about.. He held you like you weighed nothing and honestly, it sent a new wave of arousal through you as he reached the door of his bedroom.

He tossed you down on his bed carefully, but stopped you before you could begin tugging your leggings down your thick thighs. 

You looked at him, confused and with a touch of worry you were about to be rejected.

“I’m sorry,” he began, “I should’ve said this before I brought you up here,”

That did nothing to ease your worry…

“I really like you. And I think there could be something real here between us, I don’t want to ruin that. So if you were only here for one night,-”

“I really like you, too,” you cut him off, eyes gleaming into his, “And I think you’re right, I don’t wanna ruin it either. I wasn’t planning for this to be a one night stand, but if you want to take things slower, I don’t have a problem with that.”

“No, I’m good with where we were heading, I just wanted to make it clear that I don’t want this to be just tonight.”

You nodded, a little breathless as you smiled up at him. 

“Same page, then.”

“Good,” he grinned before pushing you to lie back on his bed as he descended upon you. 

His lips were on your neck and as he sucked on your sweet spot, you couldn’t contain the soft moan that passed your lips. 

His hands found the waistband of your bottoms and he pulled them down as much as he could manage before you lifted your hips and wiggled a bit to assist him in getting them off of you. 

You pulled impatiently at the buckle of his jeans, earning a chuckle from him before he got to work taking them off. 

While he got rid of his jeans, you pulled your shirt up and over your head, catching on the cat ears you had forgotten you were wearing. You threw them all to the side, unclasping your bra as Bucky shrugged his sweatshirt off over his head in turn.

He was back on top of you in an instant, pulling your bra off of you and tossing it to land with the rest of your discarded clothes off the side of the bed.

His large hands immediately went to your breasts, admiring the soft, heavy feel of them in his hands while he palmed them, squeezing slightly as he felt you.

You mewled under his attention, eyes closed in delight as his touch only added fuel to the fire burning in your core. 

When he leaned down and took a pert nipple into his mouth, kissing and sucking on your tit, your hand found his hair as you gasped at the sensation, holding him to you, enjoying the feeling of his mouth on your breasts.

You could feel the wetness growing between your legs as he continued to have his fun, unconsciously rutting his thick cock against you when you’d moan for him.

As he traveled down your body, his hands following your curves and his lips kissing every inch of you that he could, he paid special attention to your tummy before he traveled even lower. 

You were a writhing mess as you felt his warm breath on your folds. When your hips bucked up into his face and you felt his lips brushing your cunt, you whined obscenely at the feeling. Bucky laughed tauntingly, holding your hips back down as he poked his tongue out past his plump lips, lightly licking your folds and your sensitive clit as you gripped his hair and urged him closer, wanting, needing more.

He finally took mercy on you after a long, torturous minute, spreading you open for him before he ate you out like a man starved. 

His tongue glided all over your slick cunt, dipping in and out of your tight entrance, before coming back up to flick your clit. 

He drew figure eights over the sensitive bud and you swore you were about to come undone from that alone, but when he sunk his thick digits into your dripping pussy, curling them just right, rubbing against that special spot perfectly, you were seeing stars as your thighs threatened to clamp around his head while you shook from your orgasm. Your walls clamped down on his fingers as you came and he moaned at the feeling as he worked you through the high, more than ready to finally get his cock inside you.

“Doll, you look so gorgeous like this,” he admired as he held himself above you, “naked and sweaty beneath me. Like a fucking goddess,” he praised, grabbing his erection and positioning himself at your entrance. 

“You sure you’re ready for me, sweetheart?” he asked, running his cockhead up and down your dripping slit. 

“Yes, Bucky, please,” you moaned pathetically, spreading your legs as wide as you could for him.

“Mm, I love the way you say my name, doll,” he groaned as he pushed just his tip inside your tight cunt, moving in and out of you as you whined for him.

“God, please, Bucky, please fuck me! I want it so bad,” you whimpered. “I wanna feel you fill me up, please.”

The growl that left his throat had your pussy fluttering, squeezing around nothing before he finally gave you what you wanted.  With one hard, deep stroke, he was fully seated inside you. Your eyes squeezed shut as you gasped sharply, your hands gripping onto him wherever you could as he began to set his pace. With every thrust of his hips into you, he was hitting deeper and deeper inside your cunt.

“Oh, fuck,” you cried.

“There you go, sweetheart. Take all ‘a my cock inside this tight pussy, taking me so fuckin’ well,” his hands were tight on your hips as he fucked into you. “This what you wanted, doll?” he panted, his pace never faltering as he fucked you harder, the slapping sound of skin on skin and his balls hitting your cunt with his every thrust filled the room, mingled with your moans and whimpers and his grunts and growls. “Wanted this big dick to stretch you out, huh? Wanted to feel me fill you up with my hot cum til I’m dripping outta you.”

One of his hands left your hip and instead went to grab at your breasts again, his large hand palming your tit as he squeezed and kneaded, flicking his thumb over your nipple and only adding to the pleasure threatening to send you over the edge.

“God, yes! Please, fucking yes, Bucky, please, please, please, please” you begged pathetically, reaching a hand down to find your clit, working your bud in circles as your walls tightened around his thick cock. 

Your eyes were about to roll into the back of your head as you moaned senselessly, Bucky’s hand leaving your chest and nudging your own away from your clit. He replaced your hand and circled your clit perfectly as he continued rolling his hips into yours, his pace growing more erratic and the words leaving his beautiful lips growing filthier the closer he got to his own end. 

With one perfectly angled thrust, you were crying as your body shook at the intensity of your orgasm. Wave after wave of nerve tingling pleasure lighting you up as you rode out the high. Your toes curled, legs wrapped around him as much as they could be while he grabbed at your body, falling down closer to you as he moaned, holding your body tighter as he pumped his hips, “Fuck,” he growled as he pushed himself as deep inside of you as he could, his eyes squeezing shut, holding himself there as he came, his body shaking some as he attempted to thrust once more. 

You moaned at the feeling of him painting your walls, your hands in his hair as he buried his face in your neck, holding him to you. He stayed inside of you for a long minute as you both panted, trying to catch your breath, while he ensured he got all of his load out before he finally pushed himself up off of you, gently sliding out of you.

He flipped over next to you, laying on his back before he pulled you into him. Your hand rested on his chest as you laid in his left arm.

“Holy fuck,” you breathed, your fingers playing in his chest hair mindlessly as you worked to catch your breath.

His hand was running up and down your side soothingly as he moved to try and meet your eye.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

“Yeah,” you assured him. “I’m better than okay, honestly. That was…amazing.”

“Good, I’m glad,” he smiled, “but still, I’m sorry if I got carried away. I tend to run my mouth when I’m, uh,” he fumbled with his words, “ya know, in the moment.” 

He looked so bashful, you couldn’t help but laugh lightly at his expression.

“You just said all of what you just said, but you had trouble with that?” you tittered, rubbing his chest before turning further into him, laying on your side as he stayed on his back, propping his right hand under his head as he relaxed into the position. “But really, Bucky, you don’t have to apologize. I don’t know if you could tell, but…I really liked it,” you simpered sensually.

Bucky smiled at you as you leaned up to meet his lips in a soft kiss. 

“It’s probably way late now, right?” you asked as you pulled away from him. “I should probably head back.”

Bucky sat up after you, “Do you have to?” he asked softly.

You looked back at him, his blue eyes set on you. You nipped at your lower lip before shaking your head lightly. A new, sweeter excitement washing over you.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but you could stay for the night,” he offered. “I was hoping I could take you for breakfast in the morning?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the hopeful look in Bucky’s eyes as he waited for your response. That giddiness you felt earlier came over you once again as you held his gaze.

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

[brrypiiix]

what was trollex and clays reaction when they found out they were having the triplets?

Sorry for the late response! Finals week is coming up.

This is actually a big one to answer for me, because I got a whole scenario planned out and I’m so glad you asked this.

My HCs That Help to Make This Make Sense

Pop Trolls naturally only have one egg at a time

Techno Trolls naturally can have more than one at a time(bc fish)

The mixing of genres cause different effects to a certain troll when they have an egg or more due to each type of genre needing specific resources. For example, a Rock Troll egg would require a large amount of calcium in order to naturally have the harder shell they usually do and a Pop Troll may not be able to provide that amount unless they’re aware of this, in which they just have to put more calcium into their diet, but its still a rare case for a Pop Troll to have a Rock Troll egg without any soft spots due to the lacking requirements. So in this case, a Pop Troll, who is naturally adapted to making only one egg at a time, having more than one is asking for extra resources from the Pop Troll that they may not have due to the resources needs being so different

Pop Trolls are more adapted to being overprotective of their eggs, due to their major history with the Bergens and being extra vulnerable as prey animals compared to the other genres

Techno Trolls are more adapted to carrying around other Techno Trolls eggs. Babysitting is a huge norm to them

Claylex Reactions and Experience of Having The Triplets

Pure shock.

First off, they did not even know they were having eggs. It was, in a way, an unexpected. Not that they didn’t want kids, Trollex especially wanted kids with Clay by this time. Clay was more focused on work and his workaholic tendencies, so he didn’t think much of it.

The thing is, Clay definitely was not aware enough to know what to expect if he were to have an egg from Trollex, and turns out it actually was a scary moment.

He definitely curses himself for not doing any research on it, but then again genres were still just beginning to mix in this period so not much knowledge was known for Trolls all across the kingdom. Plus, he wasn’t expecting to have eggs anytime soon

When it happened, he got up one morning. He was especially exhausted and his body ached, but not as much as his head. Pure migraine and him groaning from it. He made it to the kitchen just enough time to basically start having the worst pain to experience in his head. So imagine Guy Diamonds experience having Tiny Diamonds egg, and then crank it up by a ton and then multiply it by 3. Since Clay had three eggs. All with needs that his Pop Troll body isnt adapted to meet. They were draining a lot more resources than he was ready to provide.

Luckily, his brothers were there to help him through it. All through panic and John Dory passing out at one point, whom which Clay was cursing out like crazy

Clay was a cursing demon too during this, btw. He was absolutely terrifying and saying the most outlandish things, but bro had every right

Trollex also wasn’t there, because he wasn’t visiting at the time. He was all the way at the Reef when this was happening, because they weren’t expecting this to happen at all

So as soon as Clay’s hair popped out the three eggs finally, he was so physically exhausted that bro ended up passing out for three whole days straight

Absolutely terrified his brothers, who all worked to keep watch over him and relying on Dr. Moonbloom to ensure he truly was alright.

The moment Trollex found out Clay had eggs, was like hours after Clay had passed out. Trollex was so crazy happy to hear he has eggs now, that he swam out, did a whole “whoop” noise and got all his Techno Trolls to chant it back to him before he booked it so quick on his whale all the way to Trollstopia to be with Clay. He extended his stay for three whole weeks to be with him and help take care of him and the eggs.

Trollex was completely speechless the moment he got to see the eggs. He knew he loved them before he even saw them, but he didnt think it’d come so strong when he actually got to be around them. They havent even hatched and already he’s imagining all the fun stuff they can do together, all the raves he can take them too and to teach them all kinds of things from Techno culture

Despite the absolute scare it was, Trollex doesnt really understand why exactly it happened either, and is more ecstatic at the fact that they have eggs now. Because again, having more than one egg was normal to Techno Trolls.

So the moment Trollex found out about the way Pop Trolls naturally have eggs and what that put Clay through, he was extra clingy to him and apologizing over and over, feeling absolutely guilty to put him through that. He was already super loving and caring over Clay, but this increased it after that.

Clay, on the other hand, was still processing from it all and was exhausted. He thought it was so insane that he had three eggs and was never told of the possibility nor how it would go down(to be fair, no one knew of it happening like this).

Clay went through some major mood swings and the moment he saw Trollex he went from cursing him out for putting him through this situation, to crying to him about how much it hurt, to clinging to him for extra comfort from his husband

They definitely had to help him get his nourishment and energy back up too since it was drained to give to the eggs

Clay struggled a lot with contemplating if being a father was who he was now, if it erases all his work and accomplishments. Basically struggled more with his identity issues. He didn’t want being a father to override everything he’s ever accomplished.

Then he worried if he could love or protect them enough, and proceeded to cry many nights over it while holding them, afraid of being a bad parent already

Despite this though, the moment Clay was first awake and able to hold his eggs, he was so extremely protective of them that bro threatened to bite the hand off of anyone who tried to touch them. His brothers, and other pop trolls, were already aware enough to not try him. Because one, they know he’s naturally gonna be over protective and two it’s Clay so the aggression is gonna be cranked up.

Clay definitely at one point had a huge mood swing that caused him to break down in tears, fearing for his future and his eggs. Fearing that his identity of being a hard, serious worker and everything he’s done being overlooked because he’s now a father. It got so bad that bro started crying in bed, with all his family there trying to console him, and he starts irrationally freaking out and going “I can’t do this, man!! I’ll never make it as a father!!! Take them!! TAKE THEM!! RIGHT NOW- NO DONT TOUCH MY BABIES!!!” Next thing they all know, JD has a new bite scar on his arm.

John definitely had to walk into Clay’s room every time in fully homemade armor like a person wears when giving a cat a bath. He was the main target to Clay’s hostility whenever he was in his area during this time

Trollex wanted so badly to take the eggs to their first rave, but Clay shut that idea down so quick because it’d be way too dangerous, he did not want to go to some rave while busy caring for eggs, and he refuses to separate from them

Trollex had to learn very quickly that he had to be careful not to overstep Clay’s boundary when it came to the eggs, but was able to calm him down mostly enough that he could relax and let Trollex get up close to his hair to talk to, caress and be near the eggs

Trollex absolutely sung to the eggs every time him and Clay cuddled

He also talked to them and kept saying how amazing they will be out in the world one day and always says that he’ll always be there for them to love them

Makes Clay tear up and cry every time, because thats the love he wants to give his babies. Something him and his brothers never received from either of their parents

Clay is super strict when it comes to not taking his eggs out of his hair, but sometimes when he’s alone he will and set them on his criss crossed lap to hug and love on. He also uses this time to promise that he’ll do his best for them and love them with all his heart.

Clay is scared all throughout the incubating period with the eggs in wondering if he’s a bad parent, if he can truly love them, if being a parent erases who he is as a troll, but spoiler alert, the very moment they hatch he’s so overwhelmed with parent love for them

And there ya go! Thanks for the ask!

If you’d like to know more on my hcs related to anything Trolls just shoot me an ask or request. I love doing these

[fyodoro]

𝟓:𝟒𝟏𝐩𝐦 - 𝐂𝐲𝐧𝐨

-> happy birthday to the best character in this damned game :,)

there’s a reallyy bad joke lurking in this…, errr not proofread i winged this bc i needed to give my #1 a bday fic (i procrastinated)

Cyno has always made a point to attend his close friend’s gatherings.

Although, it proved to be quite difficult at times. His duties as the General Mahamatra were real workloads and could take days or even weeks to complete. If he wanted a day off, he’d have to give notice far ahead of time.

Despite of any odds stacked against him, he always finds a way to overcome them for the sake of his friends.

Of course, Cyno would never admit that. While he may give kind words here and there, he’d never admit outright that he cares deeply about those around him. But you’ll always notice it in his actions. You can notice anything in his actions, in fact.

Like right now. As he lies on his side at 11:58pm, two minutes before his birthday. Just what kind of person doesn’t stay up till midnight before their birthday?

“Cynoo….” You cooed. “Did you forget what day it was?” Cyno grumbled on his side, annoyed with the seemingly meaningless disturbance in rest.

“Friday? It’s just another day, unless you’re in Fontaine. I’m sure Fries on Friday are a favorite in that nation.” He said nonchalantly, switching from laying on his side to his back.

Much to your annoyance, his right arm extended over your frame carelessly as he stared at the ceiling. Sleep lurked in his red hues, but his facial features made it clear he was still awake and alert. You couldn’t imagine balancing rest and consciousness the way he does.

“Don’t play dumb you scholar, did you seriously forget what today is?” By this point, you were already sitting up, eyes slightly widened in disbelief. “It’s your birthday, Cyno.”

“It’s just another day. Why don’t you go back to sleep? Everyone else in Sumeru is probably dead asleep by now.” He moved his arm from your lap to your shoulder, gently pushing you down in an attempt to get you to lay back down.

“Just another day?”

“…yeah?”

You groaned in frustration at his mentality. He’ll be there for everyone else’s birthday, yet completely disregard his own.

“If a birthday is just another day, then why did you make sure everything was perfect when we were celebrating Collei’s birthday? You somehow got Alhaitham to stay the whole time!” You recalled the joy on the girl’s face when all her friends surprised her that day, all thanks to Cyno and Tighnari’s arrangements.

“That was different,” He dismissed. “She’s still a kid, a kid who’s been through a lot. And before you bring up anyone else’s birthdays- Tighnari is my best friend, you’re my lover, Kaveh is stuck with Alhaitham, and Alhaitham… he’s a hard worker.” He refuted any argument you could make next.

“So you just… don’t remember your birthday?” You asked.

“Not until someone else mentions it.” He replied.

“So when I told you to ask for a day off on June 23rd, you didn’t think anything of it?” His eyes widened slightly at the realization, the first reaction you’ve seen come from him since the conversation started.

“I thought you had something important you wanted to do today.”

“Nope,” You chuckled. “I just didn’t wanna see you working so hard on your birthday.”

He stared at you for a while, expression becoming more and more unreadable. “Come here..”

You giggled seeing him back down like that. He was stubborn, but so were you. Playful backs and forths always ended with one you pulling the other in for a hug, kiss, or in this case, cuddles.

“I can’t believe you were that far ahead of me.” He mumbled. “And here I thought there was a surprise TCG event you were taking me to.”

You held back your laughter, because that is on the to-do list for today. That and the surprise you and Tighnari have been arranging for Cyno since you got him to take today off. But he’ll find that out later.

“Happy birthday, Cyno.” You lean in to kiss him, which he happily accepted.

He may not care for his birthday like he cares for other’s, but he knows it’ll be a good one with you around.

[dekusleftsock]

I love being right

AND I JUST WANNA SAY THAT THIS IS SO

Oml

Literally this chapter is everything I wanted

(Except the blood kiss I wanted that so bad-)

This too, literally calls her pretty and toga is like “you think I’m what”

Though I’m really really REALLY hoping this isn’t setting them up for a shitty confession scene between ochako and deku bc “She admires her ability to be her true self and feelings at all times”. I’m good. I think that’s less prolific than being able to be honest about your feelings and what you want from them, which isn’t necessarily a relationship.

Though I absolutely ADORE the secret admiration for toga, really good touch and a really good way to show Ochakos parallels of bakugou to deku—a secret admiration of the person that’s been admiring them openly since the beginning. Especially when that trait is something they are currently trying to bury and, inadvertently, become more like them: toga wants to be more hardened and refuse to let anyone see her true feelings, and while ochako isn’t hardened, she’s certainly someone who tries to not let anyone see her feelings at all. To the point where they become a detriment to her. (kind of like deku’s control your heart thing, when aoyama embarrasses her she freaks out and almost costs them their grade)

Now? Now ochako is more closed off. She’s not embarrassed like she used to, she’s not as close to deku anymore, and she’s confronting toga and doing something HEROES DONT DO: seeing a villain as a person and SAVING HER

Her feelings are a detriment when she lets them consume her, she’s long since learned to control her heart, and instead of admiring someone like deku, she admires TOGA. If admiration = love in this series, then Ochako would (theoretically, we’ll see bc I’m not completely sure) love toga. Food for thought.

So, okay. Ochako admire(d) deku because he was a strong hero who knew the direction he wanted to go in, classic heroic mindset and self sacrificing thing. Ochako and bakugou both wanted to become heroes for relatively “selfish” reasons. Ochako for the money and Bakugou for winning for winners sake—to be the best.

Then, it became a matter of winning for people to bakugou, while still keeping the winners mindset. For ochako it became a need to see everyone smiling and happy, along with the money to support her parents. It wasn’t just her parents or the heroes or a little girl like Eri, it was about anyone and everyone. Because everyone deserves to smile.

Toga, however was seen as the selfish one out of her and ochako, and she most definitely is lmao. But so is deku—he is selfish because he would rather sacrifice a city, the world, for Katsuki. He would rather not let anyone know that shigaraki knew he couldn’t control his heart for Katsuki, he would rather lie to bakugous face than admit that he got so unbelievably angry at monoma that he unlocked another quirk.

He would get himself killed for anyone, but he would kill for Katsuki.

And, hm, letting shigaraki onto the ground where he’s near civilians instead of near Katsuki, kind of sounds like togas selfish mindset. Sacrificing an entire city for love? Not very heroic of you Izuku..

Either way, Ochako admired deku bc he was your standard hero, he followed the rules, in a sense. Self sacrificing and smart.

But ochako, as tsu states, isn’t following the rules right now. She’s trying to save a villain, that’s not the formula. Izuku also isnt following the rules right now. He’s sacrificing everyone else for one person.

Ochako literally ADMIRES A VILLAIN! THOSE ARENT THE RULES! Hell she’s literally giving the enemy a weapon, HER OWN BLOOD.

She called her smile beautiful when no one else did. Because ochako loves smiles, and she loves HER SMILE. And I saw people get so angry over this leak because they saw it as excusing her actions, that suddenly she wasn’t a mass murderer. When that’s not the case and that’s not what ochako is TRYING TO DO.

They would’ve been besties as kids and ochako would have offered her blood as a little girl to see her smile and I just KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT.

The queerest thing someone can do is claim they will give themself to someone forever, and that’s what the blood represents. When you frame it like that, it seems almost like a marriage proposal LMAO

Blood doesn’t necessarily have to be evil or violent, it doesn’t even have to be deviant. If she has someone willing like Ochako then she can still exist and be herself because society can change JUST AS EASILY AS PEOPLE CAN CHANGE.

So thank you Ochako, for not following the rules.

[salted-caramel-tea]

Are you fully removing yourself from dtblr now?

i’ve made a post with a brief summary of my thoughts and feelings right now but ur not the only person to ask so ill make another . the short answer is not really . long answer under the cut. we’re actually getting into my whole mental breakdown as well so tw for graphic desc of sa

i just need some time to figure things out . i know i sound like a broken record saying it but sa is not an easy topic to deal with for me personally . im aware that the situation was somewhat blown out of proportion and it doesn’t actually compare to the genuine coercion and force i experienced but the past few days have been heavy .

a lot of it is because of the frequency, i am so happy that people have been comfort so enough to come forward about their experiences but there has been a complete lack of nuance regarding all of these situations it’s been very reactionary and coming online seeing never ending untagged borderline graphic descriptions of sexual assault or rape affects me physically . it’s been 3 years and i still experience physical symptoms after being triggered . my ears start ringing, i get dizzy and out of breath and nauseous and i cry . bc i remember how terrible i felt . and nuts something that still affects my relationships to this day.

one thing about it is that i can really sympathise with caiti . our cases are different, i verbally and physically refused physical advances from my abuser but after it happened i found myself trying to justify it because I invited him to watch a movie with me I didn’t push him away enough and someone was interested in me!! at least someone was interested in me . and it’s why i have a hard time regarding the ‘regret’ comments . because i don’t know that if people knew my story they’d say i was just regretting being intimate with him and stating that because i now felt violated after regretting the experience it didn’t mean i was violated on the night . i don’t think my abuser knows what he did to me . but it doesn’t change the fact that he forced me into that situation . i also want to say i don’t really consider touching someone’s waist sexual assault . it can be a form of unwanted physical contact that makes you uncomfortable but the act unfollowed by any sexual contact is not sexual assault . i do believe her feelings are real however and i can sympathise with that delayed fear and discomfort .

this is not an isolated incident as i’m sure we are all aware . for as long as dtblr has been around there have been controversies of sex crime. a lot of them have been faked, we all remember the period of 2021-22 where there was a new burner account every week accusing a member of the dteam of sa until bbh threatened legal action against one of them . and then there was the drituation . although these were faked, they contained extremely triggering details of grooming and assault. i needed time away then too . i’ve said this through every drummy ache but nothing is worth our physical and mental suffering. there is no creator no person that i would allow myself to suffer for .

the internet is reactionary. people will say things and blow things out of proportion to further their moral activity even if it means deliberately spreading triggering misinformation as a punch in the gut to make people agree . i’m not talking about the victims right now but rather the reactions from fans . over the past few weeks we’ve seen allegations of varying degrees aligned in badness with one another when that simply isn’t the case . sensationalising trauma is the new in thing and it prevents private conversations where there should be some and it’s encouraged by fans online so they can get a fix of their daily drama .and i understand it’s because it’s involving large creators and people want to spread awareness of their behaviour but the line has to be drawn somewhere between what should be public and private matters and there has been a mix of both in the past few weeks .

this need to ‘take down’ someone as opposed to discussing matters in a private setting to come to an understanding of the events without the influence of the public has created a spectacle of sexual assault. anything that is mildly uncomfortable or inappropriate is being labelled as on par with sexual abuse or rape which is not the case at all and it’s creating environments that are actively harmful to survivors by having their traumas brought up where it isn’t necessary or equating people who have made mistakes or bad decisions to their abusers .

this is something that has been ongoing since 2020 and will continue to happen with varying degrees of validity behind these comments and its up to us as viewers to decide what’s real and fake depending on the evidence before us but we don’t know what’s been taken out of context what’s been fabricated what’s straight up slander vs what is real admissions of harmful behaviour and its exhausting to wade through . it might seem selfish that i’m kind of saying i don’t want to know about other peoples sa experiences but i dont . i don’t want to have to wade through pages upon pages of details or hours upon hours of proof to accuse or debunk someone of a topic that physically affects me .

i’ve already said i’m not becoming an anti i hold no serious denouncement of the dteam at all but i need to consider fandom dynamics and if i am willing to deal with these accusations over and over again because we all know it’s not going away . dream had people ADMIT they faked his grooming allegations and it’s still held against him . george did make someone uncomfortable and it’s not up to me to dictate caitis feelings on that but george’s perspective does put into play a perspective of body language that is being weaponised to jump to sa rather than bad communication and awareness of the situation . it’s a lot . and i need time to get myself into a better headspace and figure out if im willing to be involve in further reference of these events .

and also fuck quackity bc ppl are using the past few days to say oh quackity is the only good one left as if he’s not literally being monitored by international labour unions

::

im adding on a few things . i am uncomfortable with the way some people have been making light of the whole situations here . there’s borderline (fully) misogynistic posts flying around that are being shared as jokes and memes but it really diminishes the weight of some of the situations at hand and as well as the very real women discussing their situations . im not calling anyone out bc this is has been shared all over my dash so its clear that this is just a preference of mine that i personally find discomforting but i hate the way it makes me feel seeing posts relating abuse of women to homosexuality even though it is in a joking manner it just made me really uncomfortable .

im also tired of the words abuse and assault being thrown around without grounded evidence. there has been no sexual situations as far as we are aware . there has been no sexual contact as far as we are aware . there needs to be distinctions between what is discomfort or creepy and what is exploitation or abuse . i’ve been around lots of creepy guys but only one has sexually assaulted me . throwing words around without any substance behind them diminishes the value of the word until people see it as just another insult . by insinuating touching someone’s waist, although uncomfortable to caiti where she was unsure how to address she did not want that to happen, is a form of sexual assault it creates a form of radicalism of sexual abuse where it becomes is every uncomfortable touch a sex crime? no it’s not. it’s going to trivialise what it means to have been assaulted and being invalidation to victims from wider audiences with lines like ‘let me guess a guy touched your shoulder and you screamed assault’ . we are already blamed for what happened to us and to further trivialise it by mislabelling your discomfort and bad experiences as abusive or exploitative it’s providing a potential fan to those flames . and that’s why i say although i believe caiti is valid in the way she feels that her discomfort and delayed trauma is valid i do not believe she was a victim of a sex crime but rather she was in a position where she was made uncomfortable by a creepy older guy .

im also just so fucking tired to logging on to sex scandals of the dream team where everyone was 18+ and no sex occurred because at that point it’s just digging up anything you can to prove someone else’s hypothesis to be semi reality .

george did fuck up . he made a very young woman uncomfortable and should have prioritised reaching out to her to apologise for her discomfort and subsequent emotional weight instead of an extremely defensive take that, yes, can provide further situation but ultimately comes off as a take disregarding of the very real feelings that caiti was experiencing in order to prove people wrong . he is allowed to defend himself but the emotional impact on caiti should have been a lot better acknowledged . i just wanted to make sure that people were aware that despite the fact i do not think george is a sexual predator and that it is a phrase being extremely abused by the internet, i do believe he did something wrong in this situation .

this whole thing is messy and complicated and exhausting and punz needs to shut the fuck up nobody cares

[nicolesainz]

True soulmates (BC 21)

Ben Chilwell x reader

Warnings: mostly fluff, mentions of sex, angst, (Lance Stroll is mentioned as the ex boyfriend, sorry to all my Lance girlies)

Summary: what can a footballer give you more that your ex boyfriend couldn’t? what can one find in the arms of an childhood friend?

“Either you tell me the truth or you’ll never see me again!” Lance’s hand was on the door knob, waiting to be unlocked.

“What can’t you understand? Me and Ben are simply friends. I’ve known him my whole life!” I shout to his face, clearly being pointed as the liar once again.

“And that’s the problem! He’s too comfortable around you that thinks he can flirt with you even when I’m in the same room!” He is pulling his hair from frustration, trying not to scream.

“He isn’t flirting! Lance, come on. We’ve been together for two years. Ben is old enough to know what’s right or wrong”

“I tolerated him for two years and that’s enough. If I can’t reason neither of you, then there’s no point in us being together anymore” Lance’s words are bitter. They instantly hurt.

I don’t move. I only let my hot tears run down my cheeks, pooling my eyes and causing them to take a light shade of red.

“Even when we are away at races, he still somehow manages to capture your attention more than I do.”

His words may stab me like a knife but are true. Me and Ben were attached to the hip ever since I can remember. If I am not spending time with my family or Lance, it's definitely around Ben or along with his teammates. When I am with Lance on a race weekend, Ben and I tend to FaceTime a lot, because I skip a lot of his games with Chelsea.

That's when Christian's words echo once again in my brain

"You two are the definition of true soulmates. Completing each other."

"Do I lack in something? Is there something I can't give you that he can? Please tell me, Y/N!" the pleading Canadian's eyes were full in pain and lost all possible faith in me.

Lance has been nothing but an absolute sweetheart to me all those years. Introduced me from the very first moment to his friends, family, fellow f1 drivers. He has made me feel so many wonderful emotions, such as happiness, joy, pride, excitement.

And many more emotions but not one...that is love.

“I’m sorry Lance. I truly am.” I lower my head and let the tears drop on the floor. Why did this had to happen?

I can see his shadow approaching me and his fingers under my chin, raising my head so I can look him in the eyes. He isn’t mad. He looks disappointed and also sad. I feel awful for causing him pain.

“I didn’t want to make you feel like this! I swear if I could turn back time, I-“

“It’s okay. I am the one who’s sorry. I feel like you were wasting your time with me, when you should have been with someone else.”

“That’s not the case Lance! I love you. So very much.”

“Just not the way you love him”

It was the bitter truth. The comfort and security Ben made me feel was like no other. I always knew that my love for him was something special. I just had to bury it deep down and lock it up for the sake of our friendship.

“I know you love me Y/N. And I do too. I’ve spent two amazing years with you. You’ve been immense support to me. When everyone talked shit about me, you were the one to talk them down and defend me. That’s something I’ll forever cherish”

“And I will continue doing so. Whoever ends up in your arms, I hope she’s the one. No matter what, I will be a call away”

Lance wraps me into a final hug. I inhale deeply and close my eyes as I exhale. The pain was out of my body. If I could repay him in any way, I would do it in a heartbeat.

“If you ever feel like coming to a race again, hit me up. I’ll be more than happy to see you around. The guys too.”

“Of course. Keep an eye for me on the paddock. Good luck on everything. Goodbye Lance”

“Go tell him the truth. I’m sure there’s a happy ending awaiting”

————————————————————————

I look the time at my phone, 15:30. Since I was still in Silverstone, I had to travel all the way back to Cobham. He was still in training. I couldn’t show up at his house unannounced.

On the way back, silence is almost deafening so I decide to call the player I know is in practice but will surely pick up

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m coming over Chris. Don’t tell it to anyone and especially Ben”

“Uhhh, aren’t you supposed to be in Silverstone with Lance? What happened”

“I made a huge mistake. To which you helped me realize and Lance”

“Wait, did you guys brake up? And what did I do?”

“Nothing bad Puli. Don’t worry. Just helped me realize the truth”

“Oi, who’s on the phone? New girl captain?” I can hear Ben from the other side of the line, approaching Christian

“I’m hanging up. Don’t tell anyone!” And I immediately close the line. If Ben knew I was coming back he’d start calling me, asking questions I can’t possibly answer from the phone.

There are a million questions going back and forth in my mind right now.

What will Ben say?

Will he laugh at me?

Will he ever talk to me again?

Will we even be friends after this?

Will he hate me?

The list goes on as I finally reach the training center. Now it’s 17:00 and about time they finish practice.

I see Mason with Christian and Ben in the middle of their group. Christian is the first one to eye me, nudging Mason, who has a questioned look on his face.

Finally, Ben realizes his friends have gone quiet and raises his head and my heartbeat too.

“Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” Ben rushes towards me, abandoning Mason and Christian.

“Aren’t you supposed to be two hours away in Silverstone?” Mason asks but before I could answer Christian drags him away

“We will talk later Ben. Text us when you get home” the American says as he walks away with his fellow British footballer, whispering something in his ear

I can’t feel my legs. My throat and mouth are all dried up. My stomach is tangled and my heart is racing faster than any car.

“You’re literally shaking. Did something happen between you and Lance? Did he hurt you?”

“No” is the only word I manage to utter. Great!

“No he didn’t hurt you or no nothing happened?”

“He didn’t hurt me” I can’t even look him in the eyes

“So something else happened?”

It’s now or never!

“We broke up. We had a fight. We ended things in good term and he told me to come here.”

“Why did you guys break up? And is he stupid? He kicked you out?”

“He didn’t kick me out. He suggested I came here and give you some explanations”

“Me? What did I do? Why do I need explanations?”

Oh god. This is horrifying.

“Ben, the reason we broke up is because i don’t love him”

“Oh”

“I love you”

And terror rushes all over my body.

He isn’t saying anything.

I am starting to get even more scared.

“Y/N..”

“I’m sorry Ben. You had to know. It’s totally okay if you don’t feel the same way. First and foremost I want us to remain friends. We’ve known each other so many years that I’d be a pity to ruin everything over a silly thing I said”

“I don’t find it silly at all” he finally says

Ben raises my head by placing two fingers under my chin. Once he takes a look at my teary red eyes and quivering lips, he brings his lips onto mine, placing a soft kiss on them. He deepens the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist. Instead of feeling suffocated, I feel even more alive than before.

It’s a kiss I’ve been dreaming of having with him. No one else but Ben. Years of anticipation and now this happens. Like a dream came true.

“This will sound extremely selfish but I couldn’t wait for the day you’d finally land in my arms” he whispers in my ear as I have my face cupped by his hands

“I couldn’t let myself fall in love with anyone else. Not when you are here. It felt so wrong and unfair.”

“You can’t even imagine how many nights I’ve spent sleepless, wanting to say those three words to you, Y/N”

“You can now”

“I love you. I will love you for as long as it takes. And will continue to do so. I’m sorry for not saying how I feel sooner. I could have had you in my arms way sooner”

“Well, as Christian said, we are true soulmates, so one way or another, we always were together.”

[nonexistent-introvert]

Train Ride

Pairing: no outbreak! college? Joel miller x f!reader

Word count: 2.2k

Content: angst, unrequited love, au where joel didn't end up being a teen dad and pursued his dreams of being a musician

A/n: Loosely inspired by this song. idek what to say anymore, im a sucker for angst and this is yet another unrequited love fic bc i love suffering. Fun fact: this fic was supposed to end happily but I decided against that.

  You couldn’t help the smile that was forming on your face as you admired the photo on your phone. It's a picture of Joel. His guitar case was strapped to his back, a grin on his face, the street lamps highlighting the features on his side profile. He looked so happy and proud as he gushed over the performance he had just put up. Talking obsessively over the backstories of the music he had just played beautifully. 

   “Who got you smiling like that?” the teasing sound of your friend, Esther’s voice broke you out of your trance. You quickly turned off your phone, trying to brush your feelings away. “I called you thrice.” Joel said, chuckling softly at the dazed look on your face. “Well, what’s up?” You asked, shoving your phone into your pocket. 

   “Did you take this picture?” Joel turned his phone around. The train started moving at the same exact time, causing his hand to shake as he tried to hold onto the handrails above him. The picture became a blur as you squinted your eyes at his phone to try to make sense of it. You blinked a few times before instinctively holding his hand in an attempt to stabilize the picture, it took you a few seconds before your actions comprehended in your mind. You abruptly let go of his hand, coughing slightly and you turned your eyes away from him. “You caught me.” You awkwardly laughed, hoping that he didn’t notice how much impact the physical contact had on you Joel smiled, the sound of your own heartbeat blasting in your ears. “It’s a nice picture.” He simply complimented. “I told you you looked the most handsome and charming when you’re playing the guitar.” Esther commented from beside you. You bit your lip slightly, Esther was the whole reason why you even knew Joel. She had introduced the both of you to each other and was definitely closer to him than you are. Joel shook his head, denying Esther’s compliments. You felt yourself deflate slightly. 

   Joel was engaged in a conversation with Esther. You couldn’t help the sigh of disappointment as you remained your distance from the pair from your place beside Esther. They were close, you weren’t. It was none of your business nor did you want to randomly insert yourself into the conversation. While you watched the pair, a painful memory flooded your mind.

   “I wonder if anyone else can make it to the performance. They all seem so busy these days, haven’t seen any of my friends around not to mention have a conversation.” The words had slipped out without any additional thought. It was the whole reason why it had hurt you so much because it was his truthful thoughts. Your heart sank, he had spent his last few days heading home with you, you definitely weren’t part of the group of friends he had mentioned. “Thanks, Joel. It’s nice knowing that I have been walking home with a stranger for the past few days.” you replied sarcastically, chuckling lightly with a playful smile on your face. It was just how you dealt with emotions, by hiding behind the protective shield that was humour. Joel blinked, the weight of his words finally comprehending in his mind. “No, no. I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I just-”

  Honestly? You didn’t want him to elaborate, didn’t need to know what he truly saw you as, didn’t need the confirmation that he definitely didn’t reciprocate your feelings. “Joel, I’m just joking. You don’t have to explain yourself.” Joel’s gaze sunk to the floor, ignoring your words completely as he struggled to find the right words to express himself. 

  “You’re a friend too. Just-just not the friend that I would share some matters with.” 

  You laughed, brushing his reply off with a shrug. “I get it,” You told him. 

  His words might as well have been a bullet through your heart. He had broken your heart that day. 

   Despite that incident, you couldn’t rid your mind of Joel Miller. Your eyes searched for him everywhere you went. Searched for him at the usual table he always sat at in the library to do his work, searched for him among his group of friends, and searched for him in the morning when you boarded the public bus you knew he took too. Every single time you searched for him, you reprimanded yourself. He was like a drug and you were like the drug addict. All you thought of was him and all you yearned for was him. You couldn’t even will yourself to stop falling for Joel. 

    “Bye, you two have fun!” Esther bid goodbye, watching the doors of the train open as she stepped out and waved back to the both of you. You stared at the map above the doors, four more stations. Four more stations before Joel got off and you’re left alone. Esther sent you a teasing smile, she always laughed about the fact that the both of you couldn’t hold a conversation up with each other that lasted longer than a minute. She was right, the awkward silence that suffocated both of you arose as soon as the doors closed. 

    The train started up again, the sudden gain in speed causing you to stumble backwards and hit your back against the wall. Joel stumbled forward, the distance between the both of you decreased sharply. His chest was just a few inches from your face, you could feel his breath on top of your head and smell the faint cologne that lingered on him. Your heart paced, your own feelings betraying you as your mind called you a traitor. How many times have you broken the promise to yourself that you would stop your feelings for him? “sorry “ Joel muttered as he quickly restored the distance between the both of you. The stupid hope arose in your heart again, the hope that would eventually burn you. You admired the features on his face, wondering if you had the same effect on him as he did you. Logic was quick enough to shoot that thought down as the hope turned into a flame that burned painfully at your heart. Joel doesn’t feel anything for you, your own logic coldly reminded you. 

    Your eyes remained fixated on the train map. Counting the remaining stations to Joel’s departure. One station had already passed in awkward silence despite how much you wrecked your brains for a conversation starter. Engaging in small talk seemed desperate enough while other conversation topics just seemed dry or too random. You let out a huff, internally laughing at yourself as you snuck a glance at Joel who was tapping his feet to a rhythm. Esther was the only reason the both of you talked most of the time, your love for music was the only similar interest between the both of you. The conversation topic of guitar and music has long been exhausted from the time you went home with him every day. You’re so hopelessly in love with someone who you can’t even start a conversation with, how pathetic were you? 

   “I’m getting off one stop earlier.” Joel announced, following your gaze to the map above. You wondered if it was because he couldn’t stand the awkward silence between the both of you. “I have a direct bus, closer to my home too.” He explained, you nodded. “I wish I had a direct bus.” You mindlessly commented, staring at the watch on your wrist. He hummed, he pointed to a station on the map. “That’s your stop, right? Yeah, I can’t think of a bus. You live way too far so thanks for making the effort to come today.” Your heart cracked, creating faultlines that threatened to break your heart apart at any time. You smiled, nodding at him. That wasn’t your station, he didn’t remember, while you had remembered everything about him. Another painful memory drifted into view, despite how badly you wanted to suppress it and pretended it didn’t happen

    “Wait, both your birthdays haven’t passed right?” Joel’s sudden question caught both you and Esther off guard. Your mind blanked out at the sudden question while Esther rolled her eyes at Joel. “Both of ours passed, a long time ago.” Joel tilted his head in confusion, trying his best to recall. You swallowed, 26th September. You recalled his birthday without a second thought. A boyish smile crossed his features, a sudden spark in his eye as a realization hit him. “Oh yea… I remember yours. February was it?” Joel furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes fixated on Esther. “February 22nd.” Esther beamed, “Congrats Miller,” You stilled, your heart pumping in anticipation as Joel’s averted his focus to you. He frowned and when you finally urged yourself to meet his eyes. All you saw was a guilty smile and you felt your heart crumble. Joel didn’t remember, he didn’t remember your birthday. Then you remembered how he gave you the same guilty look on your birthday when he had nothing prepared while you carried a bag that was filled with birthday gifts. “I’m sorry, I never knew it was your birthday.” He had apologised that day, profusely and you had reassured him despite the emptiness that lingered in your heart

  Joel averted his eyes, he seemed disappointed in himself.  “I’m sorry, my mind has been a mess these days. Just can’t seem to remember anything.” He admitted and you felt your heart break again.

   They said that if you liked someone you would remember even the smallest details. Like you did for him. 

  You leaned against the wall, staring blankly at the floor as you were brought back to the present. Joel stood beside you, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. The train was just leaving the second station and heading for the third station, the station that Joel would be getting off at since he would be alighting one stop earlier than usual. 

   Was it really impossible between the both of you? The question lingered in your head. He has sent you multiple songs on random occasions with comments like “Do you know this song?” “This seems like your taste.”. Joel had participated in midnight conversations which caused the both of you to stay up way too late talking before he eventually urged you to sleep because it was unhealthy to stay up. Not to mention when he had brought you to a spot to admire the sunset together one day. Did you overthink everything? Did nothing matter at all? Did you make up moments and things that were never there?

   “Bye.” You looked up, sucking in a breath as you realised that it was his stop. You replied a similar reply as he stepped to the front of the door, awaiting the doors to open. You followed behind him, admiring him from behind, where he couldn’t see the adoration in your eyes. You committed his figure to memory, wondering how it would feel if you hugged him from behind right now. If he would Mutter sweet nothings to you as he admitted that he wanted to spend more time with you. How his hands would feel around your waist, how his lips would feel against your temple or face, how he would leave with a promise of seeing you soon. 

   “You’re alighting?” He turned, surprised to see you directly behind him. You stood too close, you shook your head, “Just standing closer to the door so I could alight easier and not squeeze past people.” You defended quickly. He curtly nodded before striding out of the train, leaving you alone. 

   You leaned against the wall, calculating the small probability that he may reciprocate your feelings for him. The probability only got smaller every time you spent time with him. 

   “Get home safe.” A message from Joel. Your thumb hovered over the message, your head racing with possible replies. You closed your eyes, feeling your heart clench as you swiped his message away instead. 

   The thoughts of him, the clear signs that he didn’t see you that way haunted you. From how he clearly didn’t remember or know anything about you to subtle signs like how he never seemed to bother to reduce his pace when walking with you while you struggled to keep up with him. From the lack of conversations between the both of you and most clearly, how he didn’t even feel the need to contact you for weeks on end and how he doesn’t even notice your presence. 

   The tears came so suddenly that you didn’t even have time to duck your head down fast enough. Strangers shot you concerned looks as they saw tears drip down to the floor from your face. You quickly plastered a hand over your mouth, preventing the sob from escaping from your throat. You didn’t mean to cry, everything had just occurred to you so suddenly that it overwhelmed and confused you. You stared at the darkness outside, if only Joel knew how you felt right now. Like your heart was about to just give up, tired of beating to someone’s else rhythm. 

  Someday, one day, you’ll stop loving Joel Miller.

  Until then, you’ll continue admiring him from afar, imagining that he loved you as much as you loved him. 

  Until then, you’ll allow him to break your heart again and again.

[tartigglez]

Hihi! Congratulations on the 100 followers! :D

Could I request 💙 with Ike Eveland?

Thank you!

"ten-twenty"

・❥・helloooooooooo nonnie i apologise for making this angsty but i will make a lighter ver if you aren't happy with it! see also: i would like to once again apologise for my tardiness :)

・❥・ike eveland x gn!reader

・❥・0.6k

・❥・heavy depression tw, dissociation, reader cries,, like a lot. physical touch, ike may be slightly ooc bc i haven't been keeping up w/ him lately. this was really, REALLY self indulgent and i apologise but it just happened.

ps. I cried twice whilst writing this lollll

ike x 💙

the emotions we’re overwhelming, almost unbearable. soft plush of the couch cushions beneath the weight of your body provided a seat as you hugged yourself, tears streaming down your face. nothing felt real in that moment. was it normal for people to feel this way, simply because of circumstance? was this an amplification of an insecurity of yours, or something more? 

you leaned against the back of the sofa, the cushion against your right ear providing white noise as you curled up against it, seeking comfort from it, somehow. 

your mind was suddenly impeded by a soft knock on your front door. you slowly uncurled yourself from your current position, trying to wipe the tears from your eyes in case you may have to answer. you felt pathetic, but knew you’d feel even worse if you had to open the door to someone you didn't want to see. you moved the cap on your door viewer to peer out at whoever was intruding upon your emotional outlet. 

the fisheye you stared through revealed none other than your boyfriend, who you had completely forgotten had arranged to come over today. you blinked your eyes rather desperately, trying to make it look like you hadn’t just been sobbing your eyes out. you pushed down the handle of the door after unlocking it, slowly pulling it towards yourself. 

you kept your head slightly lowered, hoping this would make it look like you were doing fine. he stepped into the room, heels clicking a little on the floor, bright smile not wavering when he entered your home. “hey sweetheart~” he cooed, smile slightly lowering when he realised you weren’t looking at him. “hi ike,” you spoke, voice cracking as you did. 

“is everything okay?” he asked, placing a hand on your shoulder in a failed attempt to get you to look up at him. you quickly nodded before trying to walk away to the living room again. 

“hey,” he spoke, voice lower and softer than before, “look at me. are you okay?” 

you nodded once again, trying your hardest to make eye contact with him. he could tell you had been crying, so clearly your methods of trying to make yourself look happy didnt work. as your eyes met his, you spoke again, “i’m fin-”. this time, another voice crack was the result of tears welling in your eyes, and face contorting into a frown. sudden uncontrollable bawling took over as he pulled you towards him instinctually, drowned sobs making their way into his shoulder. 

he knew you struggled like this sometimes, he knew sometimes it would hurt more than others, and he learned. he was willing to learn for you, he wanted to know how to help, how to make things feel a little lighter, whilst respecting that this was your battle to fight. 

“shh, it’s alright, i’m here now,” he whispered, quiet voice reverberating against you. “you should’ve called me over” he spoke, calmly leading you towards your couch where you would be able to take a seat with him. “i didn’t want you to worry,” you mumbled into his t-shirt.

it still didn’t feel real to you, you didn’t feel normal, not like this. if there’s one thing ike values, it’s honesty. maybe voicing your concerns would help you feel better.

“nothing feels real anymore,” you whispered, “it doesn’t even feel like you’re real. you’re tangible, but it’s just- do i sound stupid?”

“no, no you don’t sound stupid. but please remember that i’m right here, i’ve always been right here, and i’ll always be right here.” he said softly, “please don’t forget that”

“i won’t” you sniffled, knowing you were safe with him. 

“so,” he opened “what can i do to help?” 

sfw masterlist

© tartigglez, 2023. do not copy, translate or repost

[hopelessdelusional]

.・。.・゜✭・.✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・.✫・゜・。.

begin again

Ro actually posting early and not at 11:50????? what is this??? what is happening????

yeah that’s right BITCHES i’m posting early since i did this YESTERDAY which means wednesday (hopefully) will ALSO be early

but idk bc i’m having a DC brainrot rn specifically i made an oc and an entire alien race so i’ve been pretty dead set on writing that rn BUT fear not the next chapter will be good especially bc that’s when the angst ball starts rolling

anyways once again asking for requests for little side blurbs since my x singer! reader did so well which btwwwwww holy guacamole y’all blew that up thank you so much!! it feels so good to have spent so much time on that and it get recognized 🥺🥺🥺

fun facts! ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

- did you notice that i went back and fixed all the little aesthetics on the previous chapters 😺😺😺😺😺 that literally took like two hours what the hell (the older chapters were SO ugly holy shit how did y’all let that slide)

- also i saw the comments on the last post i promise i will drop that lore soon!!

- when yn is super into her work she completes shuts the world out like gone bye so when toshi was talking to her she was like “uh huh, yeah totally, okay” when in reality she has no idea what he’s saying

- i added that user saying the parks and rec quote bc i knew not a lot of people would know/notice and I HAVE TO BE SEEN

- hopefully you noticed but bkg has started using lower caps for texting…just one of the many impacts yn has on him

- (pls ignore the upper case of that one comment tho i had a brain fart)

- which honestly this reminds me of how yn slowly got sho not to be a dry texter😭

- momo is so cute :((((

- hitoshi 100% is obsessed with those weird live streams and trolls them

- zu is always digging for the tea or gossip and i love him for that

- zu and sho were sitting next to each other picking out which pic they would send at the same time😭😭

- idk who to make sero’s love interest since my main ship is with him and todoroki so PLEASE put down a character (or even an oc!!! i love oc’s!!!!) that i can set him up with bc SINCE IM NOT IN LOVE MY CHARACTERS WILL BE DAMMIT

- …sorry that was aggressive

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·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ updates every wednesday and sunday! happy wildest dreams sunday ✧.*

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[trashogram]

Powser Fanfic idea I’m *this* close to writing but also may never write bc I’ve been trying and it’s so hard:

So in the Super Mario Bros movie canon, it came across to me like Peach and Bowser had never actually met before when he invades her kingdom in the third act of the film.

Going by that, I have a Love at First Sight AU but it’s not exactly mushy and sweet. Instead, it’s more dealing with the fallout, which I personally find interesting?

Peach has only heard about Bowser and seen him in images and illustrations, and word-of-mouth, since she arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom and has always been made to feel weary. Whereas Bowser has “seen” the Princess but only from a distance and yes he has a crush on her which only intensifies the more he hears about her.

But the idea of Love At First Sight, a heralded phenomenon in this world, applying to them? Insane! It’s not even a possibility, hasn’t happened and won’t ever happen… right?

Well, the trope relies on making eye contact with your soulmate to actually establish that connection in this case so just - Peach is ready to fight for her kingdom and her subjects while Bowser is prepared to offer her the Star power-up as part of his proposal just like in the movie, until…

They lock eyes, and it’s instantly the most wonderful and terrible thing to ever happen. Peach goes through a torrent of emotions, including the 5 stages of grief when she realizes she’s meant to be with a tyrant that she’s at complete odds with and whose caused wanton destruction and who indirectly killed her friend Mario, and also she feels this stubborn desire not to heed the pull because she hates not being in control of this.

On the opposite side, Bowser is… terrified. He’s conflated his crush on Peaches with “finally being happy” and has sort of deluded himself into believing that that’s all love is but when he actually falls in love, it’s painful. It comes with guilt and confusion and he feels so unlike himself that Bowser almost wants to take it all back and hide in his shell because he can practically feel the hurt he’s caused Peach and it actually makes him feel like an unforgivable monster.

Then Mario and DK come back and immediately there’s this strange vibe going on. Bowser’s prisoners are free and Mario is overjoyed to be reunited with Luigi, but also Peach is acting odd. Bowser and his koopas are kind of just hanging around before Cranky Kong and Toadsworth (whose here in this AU bc I say so) are having a shouting match and Mario feels like he’s the last to figure out that Peach and Bowser are actually going to get married as a way to start fixing things politically, and how did being transported to a magical mushroom world via sewer pipe suddenly become so complicated???

[djarins-cyare]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

Thank you to both @ishabull and @amywritesthings for tagging me! 💖 There were a few more categories in Isabel’s version, so I’m using that template…

Last Song: Ready Now by dodie. Spotify has somehow figured out it’s the soundtrack to my fic and has put it in ALL my playlists! But I love it, so that’s okay.

Favourite Color: Teal if I’m looking for bold, or duck-egg blue if I need a softer pastel.

Currently Watching: Good Omens season 2 when I have time to give the screen my full attention (so mainly on my train journeys to London). When I’m making dinner and doing the dishes, I’m re-watching Elementary. I just finished re-watching seasons 1-13 of Doctor Who as well (prepping for DT’s return!). I’m also halfway through a second viewing of The Clone Wars (bc I was doing a whole Star Wars chronological re-watch), but I skipped ahead to watch Rebels a second time before Ahsoka comes out… and haven’t finished that yet either!

Last Movie: Attack of the Clones (during the above-mentioned SWU chronological marathon). Lately, I haven’t had the time to stop what I’m doing for the length of a whole movie!

Currently Reading: I mean, I’ve literally read nothing but Din Djarin fanfics for the last 24 months or so. On AO3 I take all F/M Din/Reader fics, sort by kudos, and then read everything one by one. I’m on page 15, and there are 20 fics on each page, so I guess I’ve now read the 300 top-rated fics. Right now I’m on chapter 2 of Birdsong by Lilac_Sugar.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Definitely sweet. I don’t mind savoury. I cannot deal with spicy, though - I’m a supertaster, so what’s mild to others makes me feel like my mouth is on fire. I would NOT make a good Mandalorian 😅.

Relationship Status: Utterly proud of my singular status, having finally let go of those damaging social constructs that teach us we’re ‘one half of a whole’. I’m not half of anything - I’m independently whole and complete, and instead of being afraid to be alone and desperately chasing the wrong people, I’m letting love come to me when the time is right… jate’kara. Though come back to me when I’m an old crone surrounded by dozens of cats… my opinion may have changed again!

Current Obsession: Continuing in my two-year obsession with Din Djarin. He is my every waking thought. Many of my unconscious ones too 🥰. More specifically, I’m obsessed with perfecting my fic, even though it’s now published, but that’s a neurodivergent thing. I literally won’t be happy until I’ve proofread and edited it to a professional degree. I’m also busy brewing my next fics… doing a lot of planning right now.

Last Thing I Googled: Boring real answer: it was a work thing, I was looking up criminal damage sentencing guidelines for a case I’m working on. Non-job-related more interesting and creative answer: I needed synonyms for ‘desire’ for my writing. There are seriously not enough nouns in the English language for this. I did learn this one: ‘cacoëthes’ - an uncontrollable urge or desire, esp for something harmful; mania. Sounds familiar… 🤔

Currently Working On: See obsession section above. Perfecting Be-All And Endor, and considering what else to write. I currently have 22 concepts and/or summaries, some short, some long, so I’m trying to decide what’s most appealing. It’s difficult! I’m also open to requests, as I think I’d like to do a few one-shots for practice.

No Pressure Tags: @missbabyjay @dins-riduur-anthe @space-cowboy-like-me @katiemando @linzels-blog @nervoushottee @frickatives @davnittbraes @littlewriter

[poohwhin]

|| My Ocs From Different Fandoms

tagged by: @fruit-of-infidelity

tagging: no one bc my friends have all already been tagged >:( but if you see this: DO IT 🔫

HI HI HI. I HAVE MILLIONS OF OCS THAT I CARE FOR AND LOVE VERY VERY MUCH, EVEN IF I DONT HAVE DEDICATED BLOGS FOR THEM! (and those that have been forgotten bc i’ve become unhappy with them, bUT THATS NOT THE POINT! ANYWAYS!)

Also this art I’ve found is OLD. eat my ass /lh

Also (x2)! A few of these were made in sort of a story I’d sometimes talk abt with a friend! But since we don’t talk much anymore, I’ve kind reworked my ocs into their own thing. (or made an attempt to without just completely redoing them).

(I won’t ramble too much these it but I want to pls enable me to do so)

I. Virek Sutcliffe (Diabolik Lovers)

Are: 18

Species: Human

Pronouns: He/Him

Desc. AHHHH MY SWEET BABY BOY. Probably my most known oc idk. BUT YEAH. he acts as an alternate protagonist after you complete all the contact in the More, Blood game :D He’s a former experiment, who ended up in Kaminashi completely by chance. It’s the similar case of “wrong place, wrong time”, except with Virek comes a lot more chaos than usual. My entire purpose for him was to incite more animosity between the families, and indirectly cause Karl’s plans to absolutely fail. (which in the end he’s happy about bc he hates that guy).

but yeah. he’s a silent, odd, and downright IRRELEVANT and MISSABLE character, but so much so that he attracts chaos and eeriness and just freaks some of these guys out in the worst way. yeah :) (no art bc im still redesigning him).

II. Rowhin (Diabolik Lovers)

Age: 19

Species: Questionable!

Pronouns: They/Them

Desc. It’s a self insert imma be so honest. Its a s/i for richter bc i am down TREMENDOUSLY and delusional 😞 They act as a servant for them bc they met him at a convenient time. Technically they’re supposed to be helping him advance his plans to reunite with Cordelia. But you know. things don’t go that way and those two silly fucks end up catching a tiny teaspoon of feelings. (In which Richter will never actually admit bc it’s RICHTER. but i’m delusional and greedy so i can do what i want 🙄🤷)

(no art bc i hate my previous designs; drawing myself makes me so picky).

III. Avard (Genshin Impact)

Age: Not specific (between 20 and 30)

Species: Human

Vision: Anemo

Origins: Khaenri’ah (birth), Monstadt (raised)

Desc: Yes ik I said his vision is anemo but in the photo is cryo. there’s a reason for that its bc he’s faking that’s not his. ANYWAYS. Bro’s technically from Khaenri’ah, but remembers absolutely nothing (and probably never will)— So he doesn’t consider it home since he has no connection to it.

Instead he was raised by a father and son in Springvale. But unfortunately after getting in between a father/son quarrel and trying to prevent it from escalating, he obtained a vision ‼️ and ofc nothing goes right and he couldn’t actually gain control over it, so he did de-escalate it. his adoptive father and newfound best friend died 🤷

so he ran away, changed his appearance and his name, and became sort of a scholar?? not really. he just wants to find some kind of answer as to why he feels out of place. he’s one of those characters that’s on the road with traveler a lot, but doesnt actually get involved unless it’s useful for him.

IV. Khalid (Genshin Impact)

Age: Not specific (mid 20s — early 30s)

Origins: Sumeru

Vision: Electro

Pronouns: Hey/They

Desc: Bro’s a ghost. Okay not like. Fr a ghost. But he’s like. NEVER SEEN?? He had one terrible day during early akademiya days and said “guess i’ll die” /j. He’s technically a Haravatat scholar, despite his methods of doing things being more fitted for Rtawahist; he just joined the former bc it had the least amount of students to worry about.

He keeps to himself mostly, rarely every actually being seen at the Akademiya. (he’s there he just. doesn’t wanna be noticed 😭 people do NOT like this man). People also refuse to believe that he’s the author behind all of these genuinely well done and thought out articles bc they think he’s a wacko, whatever. 😭 Bro refuses most of his summons unless he feels like coming, and just spends time stargazing, thats if. Bro’s a nerd 😞

Oh also his vision story is very stupid. Bro electrocuted himself with a toaster one day, said fuck it, and found his vision lying on his doorstep whenever he went outside again.

V. Zone (One Piece)

Age: Late 20s

Species: Human

Affiliation: Marines

Devil Fruit: None

Pronouns: He/They

Desc. Bro’s just a marine idk what to tell you. NAH BUT ‼️ He used to be affiliated w Doflamingo’s crew. But after a friend he made turned him over to the marines as a kid (they didn’t wanna see him grow up to be like Doffy. as they should’ve) Zone was just raised to be a marine.

Which is like cool whatever. Yada yada bro grows up training w them. BUT THEN WHENEVER HE TURNS LIKE?? 23?? BRO GETS DRAFTED INTO THE SAME DIVISION SMOKER IS IN AND LOSES HIS MIND 😭 Bro is aggressively homosexual for captain smoker and that is his ONLY personality trait /j

nah but he’s one of those people who’s super loud, energetic, and obnoxious. but then when he’s fighting or focused he’s eerily quiet. everyone’s like “damn i guess he can be serious.” (they take those words back as soon as work is finished).

VI. Nero (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown, (early to mid 20s physically)

Species: Vampire

Pronouns: They/He

Desc. Previously a DL oc, i made him fandomless just for my own mental health. BUT! Nero is a Vampire & an artist. He specialises in painting and sculpting, and has made some of the most beautiful things the underworld has ever seen. Except none are marketed as his.

He was taken in by a prominent family of artists, who are going through a dilemma when the eldest son just ABSOLUTELY SUCKS. So in exchange for a home, and the ability to do what he likes, he acts as a secret proxy for the eldest. But yada yada things happen and an ‘accident’ ends up taking place, and Nero is taken in by someone else. Bro has to regain his love for the arts again, while also learning to be treated as something MORE than just a set of hands to make things :). (also i hate this design sm i wanna change it).

VII. Rook (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown

Species: Also Unknown

Pronouns: Literally make them up Rook does NOT care

Desc. There’s not much too Rook other than them being a jester who pulls lethal silly pranks by trapping people in playing cards and swapping them around! Nah but to be completely serious, i love playing around w just full fantastical and magical characters, and Rook is one of them. Bro is technically a criminal, but hey they’re a jester you can’t arrest them!!!! it’s just a joke!!!

They wander around to every which place and just have a grand ‘ole time toying with people. But sometimes they will trap you inside of a playing card and use you for a trick! You may die! But it’s fine it’s just a joke!!!—

Oh! And they don’t speak. They only jingle. They got jingly shoes, jingly hat. Yeah. (also idk if that is a mask, or just their face. Make smth up).

IX. Bonnie (Fandomless)

Age: mid 20s

Species: Human

Pronouns: They/Them

Desc: I don’t have a drawn out design for them, but I do have some general thoughts!! They live on a planet who’s population is incredibly advanced. BUT! Their basically a nobleman im a highly futuristic society, that has a general distaste of cyborgs. (Even minor things like bionic limbs). Unfortunately for them, they have a bionic eye (well its more like those things you see in dragon ball. but whatever) 🤷. Oops, big ‘ole issue when you’re the child of a man who has to run an entire planet’s population‼️

VIII. Pyro (Fandomless)

Age: 26-ish (probably older??)

Species: Alien (humanoid, technically. but he is supposed to be a fire guy)

Pronouns: Hey/They (wouldn’t care if any others are used though).

Companion: Kalixo (added him bc i love this little dude and him and Pyro are a PACKAGE DEAL)

Desc: In the same universe as Bonnie ‼️ He’s a fire-oriented alien from a planet of different elemental guys, who each specialise in their own type of art. His specifically being welding/engineering. Unfortunately bro’s planet was DECIMATED when he was a child, BUT DON’T LOSE HOPE— he can just rebuild it 🙄 bc building is what he does 🙄 he’s just a funny, silly, heart on his sleeve guy who adores building.

Like Bonnie, he also has bionic body parts :D specifically mechanical legs! As a kid, he had a condition that made his legs increasingly weaker as he grew, so being the amateur master craftsman he was, he just made himself new ones. AND they’re fire powered because he’s cool 🤷 ( also his human form isnt what he actually looks like. his family specifically just chooses it bc fire is scary to others!)

ALSO! HE HAS A CAT. bro has a cat named Kalixo, who’s just a wandering spirit that likes being a cat form and being lazy and doted on. bro met pyro bc pyro was DUMB and ran into him (kicked him) by accident and cried for hours. Now he follows him around and acts as a voice of reason to keep pyro from being too STUPID.

X. Ezekiel (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown (thousands of years old)

Species: Vampire

Pronouns: He/Him

Desc. A lot of my followers came here from DL, so vampires should be your thing. HOWEVER! EZEKIEL HERE IS A BIG ‘OLE BABY. A vampire who refuses to drink blood from humans, because be doesn’t want to put himself, or anyone else, in that kind of vulnerable position. He also: is a recluse. Seriously, a HERMIT. He holds himself up in an abandoned library that full of spirits and ghosts, and does not LEAVE.

He also doesn’t speak. He passes notes. And if you somehow stumble in he will HIDE FROM YOU and maybe throw paper balls at you until you leave :3

[holdinbacksecrets]

here's your free reign to rant to me about bts....

oh golly… i’ve been given the green light to unravel. this is going to be long

•i’m starting off by saying i wish i got into bts sooner. i’m also exceptionally good at wishing for things that can no longer happen bc they’re rooted in the past. yet… i still do it lol. but i would’ve loved to experience past releases, and see their growth with my own eyes instead of learning about it later through shared stories etc

•sometimes i feel so distant from bts, and i’m not sure why. actually, this is true for all the groups i follow. the intensity ebbs and flows. i think it could be stemming from a multitude of things. talking to friends who are also fans tends to rejuvenate my love though, and i appreciate that. at the end of the day, it’s the music that keeps me drawn in. that’s always been the case for me even before i began listening to kpop, and coming to love the artists as people has always been the cherry on top.

•something i have been dealing with is the impact of being a fan… we all talk about our standards being raised, but sometimes i end up feeling really shitty, and i think that’s one of the reasons why the distance happens. i think i’m afraid of putting too much weight on them, and not having a healthy balance. i see a lot of green flags, and i’m happy about that, but also… will i find someone irl lol

•i don’t know why namjoon isn’t one of my biases. i think i’m like overstimulated by him or something… if that’s the right word. for example, i’ll listen to mono and think to myself ‘he gets it. he’s dug his hands into the earth and has this perspective that exists on the same wavelength i somehow stumbled upon.’ it freaks me out sometimes. does that even make sense?

•i had an epiphany because of jungkook, and it’s about the authenticity i see in him, specifically about his style and appearance. it feels a bit silly talking about it, but i’ve wanted tattoos since i was a child. i’ve wanted piercings. i’ve envisioned my authentic self so vividly, but i’ve had a hard time contacting her fully. because of jungkook, i’ve finally started to take baby steps in the direction that feels natural and true to who i am. it’s cool. i’m appreciative of the fact that his existence has helped me with my own in this kind of way (i have tattoos and piercings but i want more)

•i want a solo tour from hoseok. i didn’t go to hobipalooza, but i think about it more than concerts i actually witnessed. he’s insane. he bewitched me through my laptop screen, and i want more. want it want it want it

•am i the only one who’s struggled adjusting to being a kpop fan? i fully believe that i can cultivate my experience and not entertain aspects of it that don’t serve me, but sometimes i end up flooded by information that leaves me feeling a bit uneasy

•i’m so curious about the ot7 music we will get after all their military services have been completed. i’m hoping hoping hoping for some rapline heavy tracks. tear and the cyphers are songs that solidified me being a fan, and i want to ascend again like i did when i first listened to them. overall, i love darker themes in kpop, and i can feel myself craving more of that from bts

•rapline’s solo projects keep me sane

[spiteless-xo]

hola tiff 👋

i was a frequent commenter on ao3 intending to come back and finish your magnum opus (tbaw) in one sitting bc the week to week format was stressing me out. i somehow spoiled myself on the ending before reading it and i’m lowkey disappointed our girl didn’t ride off into the sunset alone or with her friends, that would’ve been so subversive and unexpected.

a few questions:

- who/what inspired your versions of the aot characters? jean specifically, his personality and values seem completely opposite to his canon counterpart. as for eren, you probably wrote him with way more complexity and emotion than isayama did. if it wasn’t for the borderline revenge porn subplot, i’d say you almost made me love a character i previously hated. your writing is really that great 🤩

- how did you feel about how the mange/anime ended and would you have changed anything about it?

- are you still planning on writing the reiner spin-off?

you definitely earned yourself a break from all this. hope life’s been treating your well otherwise!

hello and welcome back!!! omg what a lovely question, thank you so much for asking!! literally, i saw your message in my inbox and i was like 🥺 and it gave me the energy to respond to a few other messages that i've been hoarding in my inbox for the past like......... month lol

i actually very seriously considered having her end up with nobody or have be it more open-ended but i figured that after all of the pain, the characters deserved a happy ending.

long response under cut

who/what inspired your versions of the aot characters?

jean was inspired by the school castes version of jean where he is a bully lol i've also seen readers describe him as "jean if he never met marco", which is very accurate. in my opinion, even canon jean is not a very good person, in the sense that being "good" or doing the "right thing" doesn't come naturally. we see him struggle through difficult decisions a lot in canon but he always CHOOSES to do the right thing because he doesn't want to disappoint the jean that marco thought he was. since there's nobody to disappoint in tbaw, it's easier for him to be selfish. and you guys all know i love jean, so this isn't even a criticism of his canon character. i LOVE the fact that he's someone who actively works to be a better person because in real life, it's not that easy to always be the hero, so i think that's so cool and realistic and i could probably talk about this all day but I'll stop 🤚 eren i tried to mostly base off of canon, with the exception that his relationship with zeke is flipped. where zeke is desperate for family and eren is the manipulative one in canon, in tbaw it's the opposite. au's are hard, because as much as i want to try to be faithful to canon, when you take away a major part of it (in tbaw's case, the literal TITANS), it can really impact the character. so, now that eren doesn't have his insane desire to kill titans after the death of his mom, in a modern au he has to channel that energy into something else. in tbaw's case it was holding that resentment for his father and trying to find the family that he missed out on, which turned him into this horrible person in hopes of getting validation from the child that his father chose over him. but at the end of the day, he's still super passionate and caring about his friends and is willing to do almost anything for them... but he's honestly just a little stupid and could've definitely talked to his friends about what he was going through instead of going completely nuclear. for the other characters, i tried to stick to what i thought their modern au!personality would be, but i also wanted to tell a certain story so i took some little liberties.

how did you feel about how the mange/anime ended and would you have changed anything about it?

i think it's really difficult to successfully nail the ending of anything. especially something that generates so much discussion, character study, and attention. i feel like we're going to see a similar thing happen with the jjk series. while i don't think the ending to the manga/anime was perfect, i still liked it. i still love attack on titan and rewatch it and engage with the fandom pretty regularly, which is more than i can say about some other shows i liked that have ended. i don't think i'd change anything about the ending if i had the power to do so

are you still planning on writing the reiner spin-off?

yes, hopefully 😭 i haven't been able to write anything for months because i think i'm just overthinking things. but i've been trying really hard these past few days to just get SOMETHING down, so i'm slowly getting back into the swing of things?? maybe?? fingers crossed for me.

[kiefbowl]

Kief it's weed ash anon and i'm completely devastated right now, i don't know where to go from here. i was finally able to see him in person and i asked if he knew what happened and he seemed hurt and offended that i didn't remember. he goes on about how it was my idea and he said i loved it and he thinks ip'm this perfect girl bc i agreed to "let him do anything he wants." and i feel sick because i don't remember. i don't remember anything like that. my experience of the sex we had is completely absent of anything like that. and it scares me that if i didp agree to it i didn't have any control over myself and there's nothing i can do or say because i might have really agreed to if. and it makes me fearful of this guy because I've known him for years and liked him so much. like i thought he 0was safe and thats what happens the first time we have sex? even if i did agree, what normal person would want to do that to a woman?? that's sick and i feel sick. He's been there for me through a few awful major events in my life but i never want to speak to him again. Like i don't think there's anything legally i can do about it either. I'm sad, and I'm furious. And now i have one less person to trust in my life. sorry for venting. thank you for your response the first time even if you never get to this.

I’m so sorry how stressed and freaked you’re feeling right now. You should trust your instincts and your own memory - if you don’t remember, and this doesn’t sound like something you would say (“do anything you want”), then you didn’t.

He wants you to believe you did, because he’s the kind of man who wants to be able to do “whatever he wants” to a woman. Normal, healthy people don’t want to do “whatever they want” to another human being. He’s sounds selfish, entitled, and manipulative. Maybe he’s lying, maybe he took the opportunity to loosely interpret something you said for his benefit. Who knows, but it’s his wrong doing and not yours.

I’m not going to give you legal advice. I don’t know if pursuing legal action will help you. But don’t think you can’t. You can. It may not end in a way you hope, or maybe it will, or maybe you don’t want to…but if you want to, you can.

Make sure you’re doing what you need to do to be healthy and happy. Don’t try to be “okay” for the sake of other people. You’re the most important person in your life right now. You be selfish, you do what feels right.

Good luck, my sister. And in case you haven’t heard it from anyone yet, fuck that guy. I hate him for you, if that gives you any solace.