you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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I'm a little late in saying it since he's no longer wearing them but Merlin in overalls/dungarees is the CUTEST. Was he wearing them under the hoodie? Does that mean Arthur got said hoodie in the end?? I noticed he suddenly had a jacket tied around his waist after cooing over the overalls 😂 I love them both dearly ok I'm Losing It over this most recent update djsbfjsnfjsnfj the way you draw Killy and Snake Crowley has me in awe, like big reptiles on top of your amazing skills with people???? Amazing, 11/10
Omg Killy 😭
The overalls are a different outfit (probably my fave for Merlin), and everyone's wardrobe changes were improvised when I realized how much fun treating them like my personal paper dolls is lol
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For @sansebastinae and @boisinnot, my fellow saint seb truthers :)
+ the usual
Yayyyy finished a drawing! Haha only took me...2 weeks. I kept going back and forth on whether I could finish it tonight, and I really wasn't going to. But then I looked at the unfinished version on a different screen and was like oh? Not too bad actually?? So I finished it :) First of all, ofc, here is the process. Kinda weird seeing it for smth like this, it makes me feel like I'm the painter in rennaisance au, not Mark dhjfkf
Ah I was gonna draw a silly renaissance au comic to accompany this(read: lighten the mood), but it's 5 am and I've still not really drafted it well, so! I'd like to finish it at some point bcs I wanna draw more chibi comics, but when I finish smth, I can't help but immediately want to post it, so part 2 will have to wait. I'll show you the outline though so you can at least imagine 😭
^ So many renaissance and beyond paintings of Saint Sebastian are always the most horny thing ever. Like pre/early rennaisance, yeah he was naked and all that, but they were pretty chaste, and uhhhhh suffering?? Well the newer paintings are suffering, but in a different way, if you know what I mean.
So I feel like Mark's the type to be overly pedantic about it, and refuses to make borderline porn of a saint, I mean, god forbid, Seb!!! But then he just. Does anyways. Because he can't control his lust for Seb even when drawing him half dead. I just imagine him holding the paintbrush in a death grip like "must not be horny. Must not draw him sexy. Must make him chaste." And then he ends up with the one seen above. Seb is all smug about it. "Wow you'd wanna fuck me even while I'm all bloody and dying? 🥺"
Mark: "oh I'll make you bloody, alright."
But god so funny to imagine Seb doing all these different slutty poses, like arching his back as much as possible, the cloth nearly falling off at all times, etc etc. And Mark finally lands on this pose bcs he hopes the suffering will outweigh the horny. It doesn't. Also Seb is genuinely serious once he actually gets into the pose, focus mode on. And honestly that's even worse for Mark, bcs it's so much more arousing to see Seb in his element, focused. Tbf I think Seb could be drinking water, and Mark would still find some way to sexualize it. Don't look at his sketches!! They're just filled with Seb doing all kinds of random activities.
Also! Here is the painting I referenced this off of, must give credit where credit is due ofc
The Dying St. Sebastian by François Fabre
Also this isn't really relevant in the context of this drawing specifically. But I looked thru a bunch of Saint Sebastian paintings while trying to find one I could reference, and I came across this middle ages one that actually looks so much like boy king seb 😭 I guess it really is meant to be!
St Sebastian between St Roch and St Peter by Pietro Perugino
Lmao but do you see the difference between early rennaisance and later work???
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Yeah I'm sharing them now because if I decide to wait to pass them digitally I will ✨never do it✨
Spiderverse x One Piece AU!
A little something that started as an exercise in character design and then I got a little bit into it lmao
I did design the rest of the East Blue Crew but uh... they were kinda ugly/boring, I put more effort into these two because they're the 💕favs💕
Info, kinda. Honestly I don't have a lot thought out its mostly random ideas that mushed together sort of resemble a well put together au, just like everything I do <3
Nami:
- Spider-Woman of her universe, while her design isn't exactly original I really liked using her orange and blue colors. She has the spider logo on her back because she hates spiders and hates looking at them lmao
- In her universe, her best friend Usopp died when she failed to save him (kinda her "Gwen Stacy" but he was just a friend)
- Has electricity powers, her spidey senses are also really in tune with the climate for some reason
- She has a staff (not pictured) she fights with, and also uses the environment to her favor, not the biggest fan of fighting hand to hand because (compared to other Spider-people) shes not as physically strong
- Has a few enemies and nemesis that she fights, Arlong being the most important/strong one
- She's actually quite happy to know other Spider-people, tho she was kinda shocked when she saw Usopp... It was awkard for both of them...
Usopp:
- The first Spider-man in his world, there are some things of his design I would change (mainly the sweatband, I would change the colors), but I'm actually quite happy with his design. Where does his nose go with the mask on? The same place Hobbie's hair goes, idk..
- In his universe, his best friend Nami died, Usopp failing to protect her
- Uncanny precision with his webfluids, also figths using the environment
- Unfortunately isn't a well received Spider-man 😔, gets complaints about destruction of property or how he's "pretty coward for a superhero"
- Really would rather focus on saving civilians from natural disasters, as he's also not as physically strong (compared to other Spider-people), but it seems every weirdo on the block decided they really need to beat this teenager up, so he also has some enemies...
- Super excited about meeting other Spider-people and finally being able to share life experiences with them, and then met Nami, or Spider-Woman Nami and it was awkard and uncomfortable (but they became besties, bittersweet moment)
Extra stuff from the rest of the East Blue Crew:
- Luffy's spiderman name is Spider-King and the rest of the Spidermans where like "I can't decide if that's the best or the worst name I've ever heard...". Well Usopp thinks it's kinda cool, and wishes he had chosen a cooler name for himself, might be too late for a new signature 🤔, Nami and Sanji think it's stupid, Zoro is undecided
- Sanji does not have a spider logo, even tho his name is Spider-man because he hates spiders
- Zoro is the second Spider-man from his universe, the first one being Kuina, she died and he took her place
- Sanji has fire inmunity
- Zoro carries like 5 extra pockets of web fluids cause he takes "longer routes" (he gets lost a lot)
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