#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first

[the-ellia-west]

Happy 610 to me!

And to celebrateeeeee:

For the Month of April, and maybe longer, I will be Going On Hiatus (Yes again), I will log back in every other Friday to make an update post on myself and my WIPs. I will not be checking my notes, asks, or Notifications until I'm back for good.

You can contact me at Discord @ ellia_west if you like! Just tell me your Tumblr Username or else I might block you. But I will not be on Tumblr, and when I am, Let's just say I'll make my presence known. <3 [I will be on for about an Hour after I post this, 3/28/2025]

For now,

(I left a message for all the Moots I remember off the top of my head)

-

@sunflowerrosy You're my best friend and ILYSM, Everything you've said and done to help me. You've been there no matter what and you're always so kind and patient. You're so brilliant and determined and such a lovely person to talk to and be around no matter what. Your WIPs are some of my favorite things I've ever read and talked about and helped with and I hope we never stop being friends, and I thank God for us meeting. You've been so Fun to Watch ATLA with, I look forward to talking to you when I get the chance, and Yapping about our WIPs together is one of my favorite things, the games, the Characters, your personality, and the random talking about mundane life. I'm praying for you and I hope one day I can give you a hug myself.

@homelessnerd You've been here a while and through it all you're pointing me back to God, telling me the things I sometimes don't want to hear, and making sure I know how much he loves me, recommending me shows and doing your best to make time for me even though I don't deserve it. You may not be here as often as some of my other friends, but I smile whenever I see your messages and I love talking to you <3 I thank God that he let me meet you and I thank you for pushing me back to him when I didn't want to.

@carb0n-m0n0xide I've never had a friend who made me laugh so hard, Your absolutely wacky (In a good way) stuff always puts a smile on my face, and I love seeing and listening to you. Your messages and the typos and every thank you and Shouted brainstorming session adds a wonderful level of chaos to my life I never knew I needed. But you somehow also always know what to say when I feel down and I honestly couldn't wish for many better friends (Go. To. Bed.) Also, it's unfair. Why do you get all the skill? Share. Pls. /j (Thank you Jesus for letting me Meet Carbon, she's brightened my days so much even if she doesn't know it)

@theweirdbox123 You're a new friend, and I almost didn't talk to you because I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me, But you've been one of the most fun and supportive people to me, You might not see it now, But you being open about being sensitive, despite you disliking, has given me the courage and the feeling to open myself back up to my sensitive side and If I'm honest, I think I learned how to cry again because of you, and I'm so, so glad to have somebody like me who's near me and kind enough to listen and help.

@supercimi I know you're nervous and you apologize a lot because you think you hurt my feelings, But honestly in all my life until recently, I have never had someone who I felt cared about my feelings as much as you do. Please don't be scared to speak your mind, I love listening to you, your writing is phenomenal and I can't wait to see you again whenever you come back online. I don't mind waiting, and I Wish I could give you the biggest hug. You'll never know how much your words mean to me.

@thewritingautisticat I don't know you very well but honestly, Whenever I see you in my notes, It makes me happy, I honestly can't wait to see where your stories go, and I'd honestly love to interact more some day, I admire you and all of your projects, and I wish you the best of luck!

@thebookishkiwi Girlie, I don't honestly even know what to say. I see your projects and I don't respond bc 1, Honestly I'm a little jealous of your skills, and 2, I may be busy, but I do HONESTLY really love your characters. I'm honestly flattered whenever I see you in my notes it makes me smile like an idiot, especially when I see your replies or reblogs and I honestly don't even know what to say. I admire your skills and I strive to one day write like you do (I'm getting lost in the sauce with the goddess prophecy, I'm lurking in the shadows bc life is a little busy, but when summer comes around, I'm gonna... *snatches all your writing and runs away with it*)

@vesanal Thank you. For everything. You're such a brilliant friend and a brilliant person. Everything you do, your interactions, how little I DO see them, and Your help, Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate you and all the help you've given me, and I don't think I would be where I am without it, Lol.

@write-with-will Man, You. YOU. YOUUUU. YOUR COMMENTS, YOUR EVERYTHING, I LOVE YOU(/p) AND YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS AND WORDS ON EVERYTHING, BUT SPECIFICALLY WILD AND KHENAN. YOU'RE SO KIND DESPITE HOW LITTLE WE INTERACT OUTSIDE OF THAT, BUT I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH. AURGHHHGHGHG, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK ON ALL YOUR PROJECTS

@corinneglass Girlie, Idk what to say. Thank you. TwT. Your words mean so much, you're trying, your beautiful blog, your patience and everything. Just... everything...

@yolbert We don't interact much, and I know English isn't your first language, I just want you to know that whenever I see you in my notes, it makes me Unreasonably happy, and your reblogs are like I'm panning for gold in my notifs, Lol. Every time I see them on my Posts I feel so proud of myself, Like: They REBLOGGED? ME????

@darkandstormydolls I cannot even begin to tell you how much I admire how smart you are, with all your research and knowledge and your willingness to share it, and to offer me things sometimes, like the opportunity to be featured in something. Your notes and your interactions, they kinda remind me why I write, honestly.

@blargh-500 I don't know you at all, But I honestly really like seeing you in my notes, and your asks are always a surprise, and a welcome one! I'd honestly love to see you around more and get to know you better if I can.

@clever-naming-convention You're one of my oldest moots. Actually my third ever if I remember correctly, and I admire how forward and happy you are with your hyperfixations, even if we don't talk a lot and you may not be interested in my projects, you're still here, and I'm honestly so greatful for that. (Do you like sonic? If so, #sonic the slugcat)

@sm-writes-chaos I don't know you. But you're awesome. Your art is awesome. Your vibe is awesome. You share my obsession with Jak for literally no other reason than 'he has silly vibes' and I respect that. W friend.

@lunaeuphterrnal We don't talk much, and I don't know you much either but I honestly REALLY REALLY appreciate you and your reblogs and support of my WIP and I wish you the best of luck with yours even though I haven't got around to looking at it yet

@geminiagentgreen You're awesome. Keep doing what you do. Thank you Jesus for showing me this person and their blog. Thank you for spreading the word of God, for being so confident about it and inspiring me to take steps in my own faith, and for just... being there

@urnumber1star I love your WIP. I love you(/p). I don't say much but I AM lurking in the shadows. Torture Michael for me. And I don't care how evil he is, Give No one a cookie for me. Also if you have inspiration, write that fantasy. I have no doubt in my heart it will be magnificent.

I love you guys - (Sorry if I forgot you)

-Ellia

[queen-scribbles]

@haledamage *cracks knuckles* ALRGHT THEN, can't wait to see the Kira ramble

I've already talked a little about how their different reactions in The Scene make me wanna chew drywall, but I'll refresh on that as I go. I think a lot of the differences and what makes them so DELICIOUS comes from the fact AJ and Adam are v different and Mallory and Adam are so, so very similar(the number of times Nate compares Mallory to Adam in their romance AU makes me laugh)

AJ, ofc, did the "what if we don't break?" response bc she's very much a "you'll never know if you never try" kind of person. Sure, maybe there's a 2% chance of success/no pain if they go for it(she personally thinks it's much higher), but there's a 0% chance if they deny something they both clearly feel and want to happen. She gets that Adam is trying to spare them both future pain of loss(a level of loss he's experienced before, which she can glean from the "again" even if he hasn't gone into detail about what happened to his family yet). She does. BUT his solution to avoiding potential future pain is to cause definite current pain. That doesn't make sense to her. Especially bc if something were to happen to him; seriously injured yet again or GOD FORBID killed, IT'S STILL GOING TO HURT. She still loves him even if he's not willing to let them be together. Can't speak for him, but suspects it would be the same. :) Just bc they're not acting on it doesn't make the feelings go away.

Her "going forward" is gonna be more of what's in the ficlet, not hiding that she loves him, not pushing too hard, just unobtrusively but relentlessly making him aware that whenever he's ready so is she. She doesn't want to pry for what happened to his family, what made him feel like this, worry about being broken bc he cares deeply about someone(spoilers, Adam, you care about Bravo. You care about Rebecca. You're still fucked even if you don't let yourself fall in love :)))) ), but even without details she understands it was Bad and she gets the desire to flinch away from a potential repeat of a pain you've experienced. Burn your hand, you don't touch the stove. Fall through ice, you don't walk on frozen rivers. etc etc. But she also feels that no matter how valid that fear might be, he needs to work through it(that feels like wrong phrasing >.>) bc not letting yourself get close to people for fear of how much losing them will hurt is no way to live. Especially when you're immortal. And maybe that's naïve bc she is mortal instead of being a 900 year old vampire. Maybe she'll feel differently after she's watched her mother and Tina and Verda's kids all age and die. But maybe she won't. Maybe loving people is worth enduring the chance/certainty of their loss.(Might do something in this AU with the fact she had a cat who died of old age a couple months before book 1. Much smaller scale, but she does have a little experience with loss of something beloved. And she wouldn't trade the years she had and loved her cat to avoid the pain of losing her, that would be silly.)

And Mallory. haha prepare for Mallory's Bold stat to SKYROCKET.

She's been trying to ignore, deny, and explain away the fact she's falling for Adam since late book 1, juuuuuust ignore she got worse PTSD from Murphy stabbing him than anything the asshole did to her. :) She still has nightmares about it. :))) Trapper fight too :))) The truth almost managed to escape after book 2 combat training, but she shoved it away, only to have TU OMNIA smash the walls down into little teeny tiny pieces she'd never put back together. (Love having a language nerd romance Adam "mutter in Latin so people don't know what I'm saying" du Mortain :). She DOES, buddy boy. It's fun) she still kept it kinda buried bc he was so clearly trying to deny/get rid of his feelings, and she already got her heart broken once by Bobby, she doesn't want a repeat of that. But the STUFF in book 3, man. And that my proud, cynical, STUBBORN AF, "I'm not fragile, Adam"// "I can handle myself" girl deliberately let herself be vulnerable enough to say "Too late" when he says he can't let her fall in love with him makes me SCREAM. She knew it was going to hurt. She knew it was going to break her heart. She did it anyway. She loves him enough to let him hurt her like that. Bc she had to tell him. She's honest, outspoken, reckless and so in love with him she can barely breathe, OFC she had to tell him even if he refuses to do anything about it.

But now, ohoho, he's admitted he loves her, and knows she loves him. The dam is finally, FINALLY broken, the river is raging, and good luck stopping her. She's gonna be way more open and blunt and vocal about how stupid she think it is to deny their feelings for each other. example: I DID NOT FINALLY GET OVER YEARS OF BLOODY BOBBY MARKS CRIPPLING MY LOVE LIFE TO ROLL OVER AND BE RESIGNED BC YOU'RE AFRAID OF GETTING HURT DU MORTAIN. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE ME?!?!?!?! (Do you know how long it took me to admit to MYSELF and sort-of kind-of to SOMEONE ELSE that I love you??? I can't back down NOW)

Mallory loves a challenge. She is encouraged and inspired when given a challenge. She also HATES IT when people tell her what to do, especially "for her safety". And Adam's whole "I will not allow you to fall in love with me" hits BOTH of those buttons. He literally could not have made her more interested in pursing him if he'd confessed his love and asked her on a date. xD Telling her "You can't do this, you'll get hurt" and thinking that would stop her???? Instead of make her chase it more stubbornly and blatantly????? Do you know her at all, Adam????? (Mason's gonna have a ball watching/abetting her in book 4 and I"m here for it)

tl;dr, AJ's a gentle stream, Mallory's a raging river, but they WILL both wear down the rock that is Adam du Mortain's obstinate refusal to pursue their mutual attraction, and it's gonna be delicious to watch.

[snapbackslide]

i wasn't gonna do a commentary on this one bc 1. it's spittin chiclets & 2. i forgot i even used to do these 😭 but i'm creating a new layout and i put the interview on while i worked, then interesting things started being said... so... commentary szn is back baby

(warning: it is very long, because.. well. it's matt.)

1h 30 into the video......... for reference................

first of all i didn't even know this interview was being made at all, i literally just stumbled on it tonight. AND i was not prepared to open old wounds. that day, that lunch hour, my break was almost over but i extended it by 30 minutes so i could cry in my car. i couldn't believe it. now i laugh about it.

man, i was going to be so dedicated to nashville. i knew he wanted to stay there for life and i was gonna make my peace with never seeing him in a habs jersey, if it meant he got to win a cup in a city he loves, that loves him back.

"i got paid to go away", "it killed me", "i called them and begged them not to do it, literally in tears", "i read it on twitter before i got the call" ah, man. how wonderful. how. wonderful.

and that's two teams he was in love with that treated his exit like crap! and this time he really didn't want to leave. to think at the time i believed that old ass gm was the worst thing about the management.

but if there's any silver lining to all this is that he doesn't seem too bothered about the colorado situation, and he's still friends with landy. that's... that's something that little old me, at like 18 years old wasn't doing too well with :') my my how times have changed.

"i'm an absolute mess, i've cried more than i have in my whole life, i'm not a crier", "the owner called me and i just started crying on the phone with him", "my son heard me say out loud i'm not a predator anymore, and he started crying, so then i started crying"...

can we. can i. can i not have to hear this from another fave again. like. seriously, is it possible for my faves to just. be happy. be cherished where they are. not have to cry over their careers and circumstances. is that possible? wtf.

that hurts me deeply. and i can't believe it's happened to both my top two.

side note: i wish he'd say what the other teams were but i know he wouldn't 😭😭 i just wanna know if the habs called... i don't think they did... i know berg wanted him, but hugo... if they got rid of toffoli cause of age and speed or whatever 🙄 yea they probs didn't even try. and if it wasn't the habs then i don't wanna know who called at all actually 😂 it would probably feel awful tbh. imagining him elsewhere, again. i'm so glad he picked dallas. and i hope i never have to see him in another jersey again, UNLESS IT'S MONTREAL. okay. side note over.

1h 40 .. ha ha .... "no it was not them" about minnesota 😂 and for that, we STAN. thank you. bc if it was.............. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

so this was mostly about nashville and the buyout, seemingly. and again, as a 17 year old getting into this sport, it's crazy to me to witness all this. i'm very sentimental and nostalgic. i struggle with letting go and the passage of time. to think back to my old self, at school, in my old bed at my old place, listening to songs i don't listen to anymore, the night he got traded from colorado, to imagine all this happening now...

the reason i latched onto him so hard at 18 (after going through a period of not being able to stand him... lol talk about enemies to lovers) is both the fact that i see myself in him so much, AND that he reminds me that men like him exist. he's also sentimental, he's also christian, the way he feels about music, it's so similar to me. it's so comforting.

he said he still isn't over it and i get that. and i also get people thinking it's weird that he compared it to grief, but if that's the way he sees it then i don't think we should judge. especially since he consulted with a therapist, and defining it that way is what helped him understand it and navigate it. and i love him for being so vulnerable. i love him so so much.

i'm always gonna be on his side. and there's a part of me now at 26 years old that is so sad and worried because i don't know how much longer i'm going to be able to watch him play hockey. and i don't know if my dream of seeing him as a hab will ever happen. we got so damn close. and i can't believe soon enough i'm going to watch all of my faves retire.

and that's why i'm latching onto the younger guys on our team, i guess. looking towards the future helps. it's a lesson i'm taking with me in my life as well. i felt so old at 25. then i turned 26 and realized just how young i still am.

and i'm kinda getting off track now but with the new year starting, and with matt talking about how he's really cherishing every single day now, that's how i wanna live my next year. every day is a blessing from God. i'm genuinely so happy. i'm so excited.

every new interview of him is legit like candy for me. and i can't wait to watch him win a stanley cup.

[psych---ologically-deranged]

psych commentary 2x02

SF KK JRr DH, but I swear I'm hearing another voice that is too high for SF, not a big enough chest, & it doesn't have the same timbre/fry as JRr, & not even close to the tight yet smooth quality of DH, & the speech patterns/habits/accents are different. This person is not mentioned on the DVD. I don't think it's Andy Berman. The other likely one would be Chris Henze I think.

finally did a dinosaur

Every year we should do a feature film movie. This is jurassic park on our budget

1/1000th more scruff, he's at his wit's end

You can see why he's head detective.

Obscure lines from obscure movies. I love them

they upped the special effects for This One Episode

"how hard can it be to solve these things if the clues are lit up"

the shooting is in vancouver, the writer's room is in LA

"the pen is drawing for me, what's even going on"

there are minimum four things happening here

*getting caught watching* *laughing at their own show, good*

[gus] is so disappointed in his man...

they did like fifty different sketches of the dinosaur

Gus has a regular full-time job

"we are going to do a mini version of every one of my favourite 80s movies"

My man did so much research for this, & he knew the bite marks bc he'd taken a picture of himself in the jaws

"Hows the cast?" 'James will literally make up lines to entertain YOU'

hear them laughing when they see shawn "looking for the room"

City of talent

Doug DeVette, named after [his] friend, Dough DouVet

DH: I wasn't enjoying that cupcake

The wet bar is from the next episode bc psy vs psy was aired out of order

Smartest person ever, but has hoels in his knowledge

A wacked wombat

idc abt the controversy! I want Gus! He is smart!

four minute Dule scene they sadly sadly had to cut it down

Supposed to be almost pitch black & then the light in his eyes JRr: I played it for you man! Post: We'll colour correct this for you man!

SF: Steal his whole thing & you're expecting to give it to you just right there

SF: Any time you have to open something, it's always the most impossible thing to open. You have the bone density of a 90 year old grandmother

This was supposed to be the opposite of the university, all high tech, but it looks like someone's garden shed with spider webs, bones, & armadillos. (& ojai peaches)

KK: The giant lettering on the side that we had to light up just in case you missed it Me: How stupid do you think we are? (I'm very stupid, actually)

Great transition

THE NETWORK WANTED TO SUBTITLE THIS GUY!? I mean, as a hard of hearing person who also has adhd (audio processing issues), I do struggle to understand ppl with accents I'm unfamiliar with sometimes, (makes me feel so racist,) but I just have the captions on for everything.

This man gave them handmade greeting cards & SF a beaded bracelet? That is so nice!

Wrecked the car this episode : (

Once again, heaviest gate in the history of gates Network: Why so heavy?

*can't think of the movie* Dule Hill was in that one!

DH legit fell down that hill *everyone laughing* DH That hurt when I got up

Stunt driver, sound stage, stunt driver, hitting a tree, spin around (Gus doesn't do that later seasons, he does a nine point turn.)

Ernest Jackson

Arguing physics while being shot at

"this is what happens when you have a one year old while you're writing your script"

I like all the cops watching him on his streak

JRr: There was one take where Tim came in & got both Ethan AND Robinson wrong. He created a completely new nam, first & last. SF: Efirmsimolinus Junior was the name, oddly enough. I hate being hoh without captions

Exposition. "We're fooling you right here!"

SF: Who decided that if Corbin was going to sit in the purple chair & have the purple curtains, that he should be wearing the purple shirt, next to the purple painting? He's having a purple moment right there. He should be reading a Prince magazine.

HS: I know feelings Commenters: *cracking up*

Visual Effects! JRr's fave. Great job Tim.

*metal hitting metal sound effect* KK: What is it hitting? JRr: Watch & belt buckle? SF: Bone

The trex skull was paper maché, they had to NOT break it with the shovels & brushes

obviously fake smoke

SF: I guarantee if you watch csi, law & order, you're never going to see "I just discovered a dinosaur" *cut to the floor with clothing & tools scattered on it, panning up the bodies of Shawn & Gus* KK: This was another... controversy, a little bit, the Of Mice & Men run JRr: Well so was the post-coital positioning

Shawn has been carrying his Lenny forever. Finally! The opportunity to get it out!

Almonds too. SF: You actually learn something on this show every once in a while

SF: James, when I sent you the script, I remember this very clearly, you sent me an email back that simply said "Stop analyzing my threat" & I'm like "Thank you" [sweet voice]. & the thing that I do truly, truly love about you is you always pick out my favourite line from a script that I'm most proud of

keeps opening it like something different is going to be out there

SF: The rule is, Henry always has to call at the most inopportune moment CH: He's just down for a pleasant walk on the docks (thinking about an unsolved murder) SF: He thought he'd take the purple shirt out &... KK: give it a spin "He always calls to get something back or have Shawn pick something up" "We should have given him a fishing pole"

They just had so much rain that they wanted to film outside apparently SF: They called me like "Hey we want to film this on the pier" & I'm like "I don't care I'm fine"

KK: I think the girls are excited about going on this adventure

where WERE they hiding when Sullivan walked them out here!? "Clearly comes from the woods. Henry found it too"

First time someone interrupts the breakdown

One was Taupe & one was Grey

Roger Deacon btw is not the guy from queen buried here

JRr: After seventy four takes of this, I did one where I was a velociraptor, & that's the only thing that got printed SF: Matheson put it in his cut KK: I'm still trying to wrap my head around that JRr: & I touch Dulé & [Gus] becomes a velociraptor SF: It was six minutes of *velociraptor noises: Grauughgh, eaign, eaign!* & then he touched Dule & it's like *velociraptor noises: wroAGHghhhhh* *everyone laughing* JRr: & that was when we learned that we need to be more careful about what was being printed

DH: Between the locks, & the fence, & the raptors "this was our most controversial episode of the season"

*aren't sure if it's forcing the other to dig or etting credit*

Zippy the dinosaur Gus: His name would be Jerome

SF: There SHOULD be a reason for each episode to happen, somebody learns something, something changes in their life, & this is the moment where Lassiter can accept a hug from Juliet.

Lassiter: Oh what do I look like! (one of the commenters): ... Mr Bean

Undercut it with the walk away quickly

JRr, in a funny "sexy" voice: Oah! I must have ridden my ~motorcycle~ to the house

you didn't do a very good job of it because I didn't know for AGES that shawn had a motorcycle! Then again, I was only watching the occasional episode with my mom if I had time when she had it on.

JRr: & they never have a jacket filming, so it's always this mad dash & in this particular case I believe I ended up with something,,, suede

"You could take the motorcycle lessons we've been offering for years now" JRr: Oh yeah "I feel like the authenticity could be..."

Another controversy on the Shawn intervention

GET OUT!

The freak out dance at the end!

SF: gjiblin KK: *gkiblin SF: No he likes when I call him dgiblin

[uncloseted]

why don't people like me? why do people lose interest in me? i try really hard to make friends, be a good friend, invite people, and everything you're supposed to do? but nothing works, ive tried to have friends all my life.

Anonymous asked:

that makes me very sad but yeah i guess i will prepare for the end, and focus on forming other relationships with other people. it makes me sad bc im bad at finding people i click with and we were pretty close, i always lose close friends at the year mark unless we are very casual. my heart hurts a lot :( our last phone call i talked a bit about politics which i guess she didn't like but the call ended happily so i guess she changed her mind.

Anonymous asked:

when i meet people or call them they just don't like me anymore and stop wanting to be my friends.

Anonymous asked:

she told me i was her good friend and told me a lot of deep stuff and we were close and talked a lot and then last time i told her about my redheaded friend who wasnt friends anymore and everytime i tell someone about this they leave and this time we were close so idk why and i dont know what when wrong everyone leaves me at 1 year. i can never make friends and i can never make friends last unless i tell them im bad at socializing and then they just pity friend me

Anonymous asked:

no one wants to be my friend i try really hard now and ppl just dont like me very much and i try so hard and i am nice and polite and itnerested and no one liekd in school high school no one liked me why no one wants to be my friend

Anonymous asked:

Im having a hard time when I socialize with people, whenever it ends and I go home I always think "did I fail at that social interaction and make them like.me less?" Like I will keep track of how often they laugh or if they seem to have less energy than usual and I always assume they might like me less and not want to hang out with me again if I'm too quiet or unsure what to say. I feel like I'm not stimulating enough and it makes me worried I will lose people in my life because of it.

I think all of these are the same person. My apologies if I've grouped in some that aren't, but they're all kind of talking about a similar topic, so I wanted to answer them together.

Making and maintaining friendships can be really hard, and I think it's gotten even harder in the past few years since people were so isolated for so long. Without knowing any of you, I can't really guess as to why these friendships aren't working out. Sometimes, it's just that the people a person is trying to be friends with aren't the right people for them, whether that's because they don't share common interests or values, whether that's because they have trouble communicating, or whether that's just because they don't "click". That's not the problem of either party- it's just something that happens sometimes. Other times, people grow apart from one another or become closer to other people. That really sucks, too, but again, it's not something that any one person did wrong. It's just what happens sometimes.

Sometimes, a person makes the people around them feel awkward or uncomfortable, usually because they have trouble "reading the room". They might violate the expectations other people had for how a social interaction would go, accidentally cross personal boundaries, fixate on a specific topic of conversation, ask questions that are too personal for the relationship they have with the person they're talking to, have trouble empathizing with other people's points of view, have difficulty reading nonverbal social cues, just have trouble maintaining a conversation, or a thousand other things. That doesn't mean that that person will never have friends or that they can't have positive social interactions with other people. But it does mean that sometimes, those skills need to be learned or practiced, or that the person does best with friends who don't mind those quirks.

Other times, people have patterns in their friendships and relationships that they don't recognize, but that push people away from them. Needing constant reassurance about social interactions, being too clingy or smothering (in the context of whatever that means for the person), ignoring boundaries, being critical, controlling, dishonest, or selfish, gossiping or spreading rumors about a person, being inconsistent or flaky, making insensitive remarks, or a thousand other things can contribute to a person feeling like a friendship isn't for them, even if it seemed like it would be a great match at the start. Again, this doesn't mean that someone who struggles with these patterns will never have friends or that they can't have lasting friendships with other people. But it does mean that they may need to become aware of these patterns and work to change them so that the friendship can continue to grow.

It's also important to remember that it's okay not to be everyone's cup of tea. Our self-worth isn't dependent on the number of friends we have or what other people think of us; it's dependent on how much we like ourselves and can recognize our good qualities. And, somewhat paradoxically, I think that liking ourselves makes other people like us more, too. It sounds cliche, but one of the best things you can to do make friends is to be a friend to yourself first. And as long as you can find a few good friends who like you for who you are and care about you, it's not so important what other people think.

I hope this is at least a little bit helpful. Without knowing you or what your friendships are like, it's hard to guess at what's going wrong or what could be going better. But those are some common factors in why people may have difficulty making and maintaining friendships, even when they are really great people.

[loganlermanstanaccount]

Show me where it hurts (part 2)

Miguel O'Hara x spiderwoman!reader

GIF by aenhanse

(AO3 Mirror), Part 1, Main Masterlist

summary: You confront Miguel.

warnings: breeding kink, cum play, animalistic behaviour (not quite ABO), mutual masturbation, dirty talk, praise and degradation, Miguel eats ass like a fucking champ, general filth etc etc. very very 18+, minors dni (and i will b blocking!) 

a/n: thank you for all the support for part 1! I will say, all the comments about relationship building and stuff do make me laugh a little bc this part is literally just p0rn with a teensy tiny bit of feelings.. but if you follow me this should be pretty standard by now.

wc: 4k ish

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You let yourself in again, but not until after pounding on the door. 

You think he's home, the scent of something in the air. At first glance, his place is empty, but a mess : cushions ripped off the couch, kitchen ransacked of its contents, floor covered in blankets and clothes. It makes you worry: Miguel is so clean it's scary . He would never leave his place like this. You hear something from his bedroom and rush towards it.

He's there, back turned on the bed. But something's wrong. In sweats and a tank top, he's breathing heavily, clutching at the sheets. 

"You shouldn't be here." He strains. 

Eyes wide, you step closer. Is he in pain? Is he hurt? "Miguel. I just want to help. Did something happen?" 

All he does is shake his head, unable to make eye contact with you. "I c-can't let you… please, bichita. It's not safe for you."

Your heart breaks at his helplessness, you get closer, and perch on the bed next to him. He jumps at the hand you place in his shoulder. Fuck. He's drenched in sweat. 

"Miguel, please. Let me in… I'd do anything. Just let me help."

He groans with his head in his hands. "I know, bichita. That's the problem. I can't let you…"

You look at him properly now. He's writhing on the sheets, tense and unable to sit still. Guiltily, all you can think is how good he looks; pretty even when his hair sticks to the nape of his neck, when he groans lowly at your presence. Your eyes rake down his body, looking for a secret wound, or something he's hiding. When you spot it, you gasp. 

Miguel is rock hard under his sweats. And he is massive. 

It clicks. Ashamed, he makes hesitant eye contact with you. "It's not usually this bad. And it gets worse if I'm near someone I'm…" He breathes. "Someone I'm attracted to."

You can't help but laugh at the absurdity of the statement; of the situation. "I think that's just what erections do, Miggy." 

He rolls his eyes, too annoyed to be as uneasy for a moment. " No , God, I meant my DNA. There's something wrong with me, something animalistic , that makes it ten times worse. I'm going crazy. Smell, taste, touch… and it doesn't just go away. "

You hum. "And what's your hypothesis?" 

He looks at you, a little crazed, but he gets it. If you talk to him like it's one of your status reports, like it's another mission, maybe he can stop thinking about pounding you into the sheets and filling you up with his cum. 

He clears his throat. " You . Gets worse when I t-think about you, or you're near."

You've got a hand on his thigh, rubbing circles that go straight to his head. 

"What makes it feel better?" 

Deep breath. "Touching myself. But I haven't… and I won't-" 

"Why?" You smile like a Cheshire cat. Are you… enjoying this? 

"I can't. You're a friend and it's a violation of your trust."

"It hurts. You're in pain. I give you full permission to give yourself some relief. You can touch yourself, for me. I want you to feel good."

His hips buck up involuntarily. Just thinking about it is driving him crazy. " Mierda. Stop talking like that-" 

"Like what?" You bat your eyelashes. 

"Like that ." He hisses. "Like you want to get fucked."

He squeezes his eyes shut, even more guilty. "I'm sorry. That's not appropriate at all. I shouldn't have… snapped like that."

You rub your legs together: you're fucking soaked. Like this, with his senses going crazy, you don't know if he can smell it, taste it in the air. The thought makes you even wetter. 

You mumble. "Meant it, Miguel. I just want to watch."

Agonisingly slow, you sink to your knees in front of him. He watches, eyes wide, trying not to lean into it. 

"Do you want me to beg? Because I will, if it makes you feel better." 

He grabs his crotch, rocking into his palm. You're breaking him down, bit by bit. 

"I think you like punishing yourself, Miggy. You think you deserve it. How long have you been like this? Weeks, I bet. When all you needed to do was ask me. I would've helped you over the phone if you wanted it. Told you how to stroke your cock, where to put pressure, asked you if it felt good. Think about how good it would feel. The relief. "

You rock on your heel and it doesn't go unnoticed. You light him on fire, and the thought of you getting off only pushes him closer to the edge. "Can I tell you a secret?" You whisper. He nods fervently. "I've always wanted you in my mouth. Just wanted to know what it would feel like; how pretty you'd look when you cum."

It's too much. His back arches, and he groans, spilling into his sweats. Astounded, you look up. So. Much. Cum. You didn't think a person could physically produce so much, but here he is, coating the inside of his boxers with it. Miguel, however, looks embarrassed: his first orgasm in a week and it's spilling into his trousers in front of a pretty girl like a teenager. He groans, covering his flushed face. 

"Can I…?" Your eyes are wide in amazement. Shakily, he nods. 

Is it bad for you to say he looks just like you imagined? Tan, long and with a bit of girth, and under all the cum he seems well-groomed. He's still half hard, which is impressive considering the sheer amount of cum splattered everywhere. Probably, he has the prettiest cock you've ever seen. As you pull down his boxers, your very obvious glee makes him pause. 

"...you like this?" He seems genuinely confused, and it makes you giggle. You've flustered him, yet again. 

Resting a head on his thigh, you look up at him through innocent lashes. Your other hand swipes cum off his tip, making his cock jump. "Could ask you the same. You're still hard." 

"I can't believe…" He mutters. "You're gonna kill me." 

"What do you want, Miguel?" You put a hand on his length, rubbing up and down ever so slightly. "You want to get off?" 

"I want…" It makes him grunt all the same. He goes from wayward glances to looking you straight in the eyes. " You . I want you." 

"How do you want me?" Deceptively innocent, you coax his length back to full mast with your hand. 

How do you want me? There are a thousand thoughts flying through his head, and his brows tense with the weight of them. Head back, he leans into your touch. He doesn't want to scare you, with the way he's been thinking about that question long before you asked: weeks, months, years before now. You see him hesitate, and bite his lip.

Your hands still and he cries out, cursing the loss of warmth. "M'not asking again." A little softer now. "No judgement, Miggy. I just want to help." 

Deep breath. "Anyway I can. Wanna fill you up with my cum. On top. U-Underneath. Mierda. I want your mouth. I want your sweet cunt. I-" 

You silence him with a moan when you envelope his cock with your mouth. You close your eyes in bliss as you bob up and down. Just the tip, teasing , and he's already addicted. With a pop, you separate, pressing sticky kisses and kitten-licks to his shaft and torso. He can't take his eyes off of you: peeking up at him through wispy lashes, licking up his cum. 

Pretty, plump lips smack at his tip obscenely. He can't help but think about how well it suits you; mouth around his cock like something holy.  Precum pours from his slit and you lap it up, chasing his moans. Your own moans vibrate deliciously around him and he wraps a hand in your hair. Finally. You want him to enjoy this, to lean into your head-bobbing, and force your head down onto his dick. You want to feel him in the back of your throat, bullying into the warmth of your mouth and moulding you into the shape of him. 

It starts with a little pressure at the back of your neck, deceptively subtle as he rocks his hips into your face. Making eye contact, you look up and feel your pussy clench around nothing. His eyes are lidded, gorgeous, mouth slightly parted and tongue darting out to wet rosy lips. 

"You want it, hermosa ?" His voice has a different texture to it: deep and wanting and needy. 

As best you can, you nod, humming affirmations around his cock. Oh God, of course you do. You want him; anyway you can, anyway he'll let you, more than he'll ever know. 

He pushes you down, hard, cock hitting the back of your throat like a piston. You gurgle and choke around him, throat tightening in a way that makes him melt. You force yourself deeper, hot tears welling up at the corners of your eyes. Your hands claw at his thighs, nails digging so tight into the fabric you think he might bleed. Winding a hand down to your heat, you press your palm into that sweet spot at your clit and Miguel watches, hungry. 

"Oh fuck , you feel so good. I'm gonna– m-mierda – m'gonna cum."

With a final tug, he pushes you down so your nose brushes at the curly hairs leading down to his cock, spilling into you with vigour. It pours down your throat and you drink it up with pleasure. 

"All gone?" He asks, panting with exertion. In response, you open up your mouth, sticking out your pink tongue so he can inspect it. He stirs when he realises just how cock drunk you are: nary a trace of him left on your tongue.

Slowly, he brings a thumb to your mouth, and watches intently as you swirl it around, and suck on it keenly. The pressure makes him light headed, other hand reaching for your waist to pull you up. And pull you up he does, turning you around so he can take off your suit and have you seated on his lap, where you belong. 

You let him, shrugging off the top half of the suit as he pulls down your zipper. Surprisingly gentle, he traces the slope of your shoulders, and down to your bare ass. He groans. No underwear, because of course , you want to kill him. You want him to die, pussy-whipped and half-hard. He pushes you towards the wall, back pressed flush against him. He drags his fangs across your neck and whispers into the shell of your ear, making your whole body shiver. 

"Once I start," He kneads your ass, grinding his cock against you. You gasp. He's still hard. "M'not gonna be able to stop. And it's not going to be sweet, bichita . You leave now and I won't be angry . I–I'll give you space, whatever you want."

" Miguel," Head back, you moan into his touch, dragging his hand towards your slit, hoping he’ll relieve the pressure at your pussy. "I want it to hurt. I want to feel it tomorrow– fuck– f-feel it when I walk and know it was you . Need it. Need you , please-" 

He bites into your shoulder, and you moan wantonly, back arching into his length. He places your hand on the wall, palms flat. Like the chaser after a burning shot, he soothes haphazard squeezes down your back with his mouth. Hot, messy kisses, as he sinks to his knees. He forces you to hinge at the hip.  Breasts pushed against the cool wall, you gasp when you feel him spread the globes of your ass as he presses his tongue to your hole. He licks the length of your slit, and like a slut, you lean into it. 

"Prettiest cunt I've ever seen, hermosa." He brings his hand to your clit, giving you a wet slap as he watches you shudder. Again, and again, until you cry out. 

" Miguel, fuuuck." 

How has he gone his whole life without hearing you say his name like that? Yet again, he almost cums in his pants, loosely shoved over his aching length. All he can do is watch as your holes flutter and clench around nothing, mesmerised. 

"You'd look even prettier filled with my cum, hmm?" He presses a sticky kiss to your puckered asshole, before easing his tongue inside. One hand holding you open, the other comes to play with your pussy, swirling your wetness around your throbbing clit. 

He tongue-fucks you with fervour, like a man starved: only coming up for air to babble obscenities. 

"Tan bonita, bichita." Slowly, he eases his fingers into your cunt, scissoring them open and shut. He wants to break you apart with only his hands, if you'd let him. "So pretty– fuck. So soft, baby. Beautiful."

You're close and he knows it, fucking yourself on his fingers and face like a bitch in heat. Undeterred, he brings a thumb to your clit pressing down with juust the right amount of pressure. 

"Wanna feel it, hermosa . Can you cum for me? All over my fingers like a good girl, just like that, así de simple."

With the way he paws at your pussy, all you can do is clench around his fingers. He guides you through a shaking, biting orgasm, licking up your cum with a flourish. Even with shaky legs you manage to turn around and pull Miguel up, and he follows eagerly. He looks fucked out already, eyes low and lips swollen with your slick. He motions to strip, stretching his tank top across the expanse of his chest and letting his cock spring free from his sweats. When you move to help him, he stops you, moving your hand from his tank to his solid torso beneath. He wants you to touch him; to feel your soft palm run across his skin, and sink into the warmth of your body. 

One hand at your waist, he presses you against the wall, grinding his cock to your clit. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and they fit like they belong there. Close, impossibly close, and his pupils are blown, wide. It's like he can't decide what he wants to do to you, sharp red eyes darting over your lips, your neck, down to the juncture where you both meet. A paralysis of choice, and all he can do is drink you up in the low light. 

And so, you make a choice for him, lips crashing against his, hand snaking around to guide his cock into your hole. He sinks into you - finally - and you swallow his moans in the aftermath. He's slow to start, eyes screwed shut as he gets used to how tight you are around him. Slowly, he rocks into you, the heat of his palm steady at the crook of your back. 

Miguel opens his eyes, caging you in with his other arm. He's testing the waters, angling his hips to find the spot that makes you tick.

"I didn't-" He breathes. "Didn't think it would be like this." 

You look at him in your haze, brows knitted. 

"I thought that when I finally fucked you, it would be more romantic." He gives you a strained chuckle and warm smile. "This is better in some ways, though." 

"Better , Miggy?" 

"Real." Your cunt flutters around him, and his pace stutters. Not once does he break eye contact, something swirling beneath the surface. "Not in my head. God , that sounds pathetic."

You giggle into the crook of his shoulder. It shouldn't be possible, but his eyes soften even more. And then, his expression changes into something dangerous. 

"I can't do this just once, bichita. You can't give me a taste and then take it away. Es cruel, mi vida."

As if to punctuate his point, you feel his tip slam into that spongy spot in your walls. His strokes become more calculated, punishing and exact, sending waves of pleasure radiating throughout your body. 

"Miguel – fuck– that's not fair- " 

"Can't keep humping my hand como un perro , like a dumb dog, anymore." He brings both his palms to your ass, spreading you apart, and pulling you up onto his dick so your toes barely touch the floor. The slap of your ass against his thighs and heavy balls fill the room, pornographic in nature. 

"Let-" Smack. " Me-"  Smack. " Fill-" Smack. " This-" Smack. " Cunt. " Smack. 

You babble into his ears, affirmations and praise that makes his heart and cock swell. 

'So pretty, Miguel. Yours. All yours." You rake your hands through his hair, harshly tugging him closer in a way that makes him burn up. Clenching around his length, you wrap your legs around his waist. He barely falters, pulling away from the wall and slamming into you regardless. You've seen him like this before; fiery determination that flares up on a tough mission. Tunnel vision: a razor-sharp resolve that has manifested itself in a man hellbent on your pleasure. 

"Miguel. Miguel, I-" I love you, I love you, I love you, I- " -wan' you to cum with me. Deep, please."

Now, his pace gets sloppy, hips stilling to drive himself as deep as you asked; so you can feel him long after you separate. Hot, sticky cum pumps into you and his balls strain with the effort of it. You claw your hand against his back, trailing delicious marks with your nails. When you clamp around him, you swear you see his eyes roll back - lost in the bliss of your cunt. Together, you come down from the high, bare chests panting against one another. 

"Don't look at me like that." His lips graze yours, soft and plush. You stretch your chin upwards, chasing the trace of a kiss he refuses to give to you. Eventually he relents, leaning into a sweet kiss, arm wrapped around your waist. 

He pulls himself off of you with a wet smack, gently carrying you to his bed. He places you in his sheets and you look beautiful, blissful, and fucked out. Cum drips onto your thighs and he feels a pang of possessiveness. His cum. His baby.

Clambering in to spoon you, he can't help but paw at your pussy, using his fingers to stuff his cum back into you, tracing lazy circles on your thigh with his other hand. 

"I'm on birth control, Miggy. So no need to worry." You snuggle into his touch, bare skin against one another. 

"Wasn't worried." He grunts, sounding almost disappointed. You catch his tone, intrigued.

"No harm in trying," You lilt, turning around to place your palms flat on the wide span of his chest. "You wanna fuck a baby into me?" 

Nodding, he groans, head back into the pillow, and you push him onto his back. Pussy throbbing, you straddle his hips; thighs tight around his middle. You can feel him growing harder in the slick of your slit. 

You arch into him, tender hand around his throat. It's a sight he won't forget easily: you on top of him, the gloom of the night tracing the swell of your tits. An angel, all the same. You whisper something into his ear that gives him goosebumps; a full body chill that goes straight to his cock. "My turn, bichito."

~~~

"You never called." Miguel says, laying his head next to yours, after wiping you down with a clean towel. He hands you a spare shirt of his, and you put it on, self-conscious. 

The two of you had fucked well into the night, making good on your promises. His stamina was relentless, pumping load after load into you, pussy-drunk and babbling. There was an intensity there that couldn't be explained: one that made both of you crazy for one another, burning you out between the silky sheets of his bed. Something you had initially attributed to his rut, whatever he had called it, but desperately hoped it was something more. How could this be just sex? After everything you had said and done, it would crush you: to taste the forbidden fruit and have it snatched away just as easily. 

You had both laid there for a bit, afterwards, cock softening in you. Plugging up his cum, he had said, but it felt more intimate in the quiet calm of his bedroom. 

"You didn't either." You throw back at him. 

"That's not th-" 

"I know, I know. It just felt weird, s'all." You turn from him, looking up at the ceiling. Counting the mottles and marks in your head, suddenly shy. After all the filthy things you've said and done to him, he still makes you shy. "I thought I did something wrong."

His heart breaks. "No, no , it wasn't-" 

"Not just today. Last time…a-and the time before that, honestly. We see each other less. You're always busy with something. Felt like you were avoiding me." Rubbing your temples, you sigh. "S'why I cut some corners on the mission. Made mistakes. I thought if I did well, and we had something to talk about…"

"Mierda." You can't bring yourself to look at him, to see the disappointment in his scarlet eyes. But it isn't disappointment, and it’s not directed at you. 

"I wanted to call, but I didn't. Because I didn't think you would answer." Finally, you turn to see his brows knitted: swirling with shame, guilt, sadness. Quickly you add, "I mean, I know why now. I think. And it's really on me, I should've said something or-" 

"I just… I didn't know what to do with it." He takes your hand in his, squeezing tight. 

"...I don't understand."

"All this love I have for you." He says, impossibly soft. "I didn't know what to do with it."

You know him like the back of your hand and you've heard it all: angry, snarky, giddy, beautiful Miguel O'Hara. But this? Confirmation of the feelings you've held for years at this point, dismissed during late nights and pored over during lonely ones - this? 

"And I didn't think you felt the same way, how could you? You're beautiful, and smart, and you have this… way of making people burn as bright as you. So I poured myself into work. That's all I know how to do, bichita. Work. Suffocate under everything. You don't deserve it."

With the way he says it; resigned, matter-of-fact; you want to cry. Still, he hangs on to the notion that he must earn it : that his claws are too sharp and fangs too bloody for redemption. For love, for life, for good things. Miguel O'Hara; doing what needs to be done. Alone, always. 

You come closer to cup his chin, to make sure he's looking at you. There can be no ambiguity, no gray area when you say what you want to say. 

"You don't tell me what to do, O'Hara . " You press a kiss to his cheek, and another to trembling lips. "I decide what I deserve. No-one else does, not even you."

"It's not like you listen to me, anyway." He says with a shaky smile. 

Sitting up slightly on your forearms, you place your head up on his chest. Listening to the steady thump-thump of his heart. You don't need your super senses to know that he's alive, that he's here. The look in his eyes; you couldn't explain it if you wanted to. 

"Bichita." You say, out of the blue. No doubt due to your poor pronunciation, he winces. "What does it mean?" 

Clicking his tongue, he waves it off. " Very vulgar, you don't want to know. I mean, I shouldn't really-"

"Hmm." Shaking your head, you feign ignorance. "It's just that Lyla said it meant sweetheart, or little bug... terms of endearment, I think was the phrase."

"She said that?" He frowns. "Lyla's filling your head with nonsense, m'afraid. It's sarcastic. Post-ironic, metatextual… it comes across completely different in Spanish, mi vida."

"Post-ironic? That's not even the second most pretentious thing you've said today…" Giggling, you bury your head into his chest. 

"Of course not. I reserve my best stuff for you."

"Real classy, O'Hara. Bet you say that to all the poor women that end up in your bed."

"Nope." He hums. "Just the ones I've been in love with for the past two years."

He pulls you closer, smiling into light kisses on your shoulder, the fat of your stomach, your thighs, on your cheek. Kisses everywhere, anywhere he can reach.

"Just you, bichita." He breathes into your skin. "Only you ."

_

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[theninthdoor]

Can you do bad sides/questionnable reading for enhypen as well ? (Like you did for BTS) Thank youuu :)

again... before you read: make sure that you take everything with a grain of salt and put your common sense to good use! no human being is 100% angel; no one is perfect + some of these things we, ourselves, do or think of doing from time to time. still, if anyone is expecting idols to be some sort of perfect demi-gods, the internet might not be for you 💘 also, of course, i’m not claiming anything as facts. feel free to dismiss my interpretations, if you wish.

Heeseung || the devil, page of wands: Uhh… a little manipulative? He knows what to say to push people's buttons. Plus, might take his jokes a little too far sometimes, too. While said joke might be making someone uncomfortable, if he's not yet satisfied with it, he's not gonna stop. What's funny for him often isn't funny for others, and he might fail to notice that. It could also happen that others feels pressured to laugh at those jokes or go along with his antics just so they aren't the next victim. (mind you, I don't think he's malicious with it, necessarily… he may just lack the maturity or self-awareness to recognize what's reaaally happening)

Jay || the temperance, ace of pentacles: Jay might have a hard time stepping out of his comfort zone, and so he tries to mold people into what better fits said comfort zone. If he thinks something is the best of its kind (i.e.: a restaurant or a style of jeans), he will want everybody to have the same opinion or follow his own. Passive-aggressiveness might also be an issue here.

Jake || three of swords, ace of swords: Knows how to hit a raw nerve, and might do it more often than he should. He's the type to remember things/secrets a person has told him and use that against them later on, specially when they have hurt his feelings. Will bring up people's past mistakes, too, for sure… Plus, once you hurt him, he'll make sure you know it and acknowledge it!

Sunghoon || four of wands, eight of cups: Escapism; faking it. Fakes his personality and/or tastes and preferences in order to fit in. Would rather run than confront others over things that have upset him. Might also be the type to say one thing in front of the larger group of people, and then go and say another in private to someone he trusts.

Sunoo || wheel of fortune, ace of wands: Unpredictable. Always looking for the next big thing. He just isn't very commited to stuff, specially if something else more interesting or promising comes up. It may be hard to get him to follow through with an idea or plan - it's a "do it now or you may never actually do it" type of thing. He just loses interest very easily, it seems.

Jungwon || ace of pentacles, eight of swords: I wouldn't necessarily say close minded, but more like… short-sighted? He rejects things/ideas/people too fast upon a first impression, and doesn't give them the opportunity to unravel into something that, perhaps, he'd find really quite interesting. For example, if 7 years ago he found a 12-in-1 shampoo that worked for his needs, in those 7 years he has never accepted any other shampoo suggestion and will shit-talk all other options… you won't get him to change his mind bc, honestly, he doesn't care. It might be better for him and give him better results but, instead of considering that, he's thinking about NOT getting what this 12-in-1 provides for him right now. Besides that, he may also be a little material focused and reject some opportunities in order to focus on work, to save money, or simply because he thinks it's below himself.

Ni-ki || three of swords, king of wands: Lol… he plays the victim very well! Ni-ki knows how to use his acting skills to get what he wants, for sure… Dramatic. Pushy. Hates it when people don't pay attention to him - OR when they don't give him the amount of attention he thinks he deserves. "My way or the highway… unless you wanna hear me whine about it for a month, of course".

(Disclaimer: all readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)

[m-jelly]

(1/2) Heyoo! U good? Just found ur blog and gotta say ur writing is amazing so congratulations! And I just had an idea of a one shot with captain levi and wanted to request it so here it is: basically he has a crush on a (reader) cadet, that he doesn't know how to express and stuff AND reader has a guy best friend that gives off Jake Peralta vibes and-

(2/2) loves to make jokes abt Levi's height, which just makes him angrier bc he thinks the reader is dating him, and one day he just confronts her abt that and kinda confess. Tiny angsty but general fluff thx honey 💕💕

Hi, my lovely <3 Happy to do this. Also, I do like watching Brooklyn 99. Think this is a cute thing for the lovely pair to happen.

I want you to be mine.

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Genre and tags: canon world, romance, falling in love, Levi has a strong crush on you, jealous Levi, possessive Levi, confessions.

Concept: Levi has always had a crush on you, but he's never done anything about his feelings. You're a good cadet and you specialise in medical support, so you often help him with his scars and pain from the straps and gear digging into his skin when he fights. Levi adores you so much and wants you as his, but he doesn't know how to act on his feelings. Levi has noticed a guy always hanging out with you and trying to make you laugh. His jokes soon turn into digs into Levi's height and looks, which you don't seem to like at all. Levi gets so sick of the man, he confronts you about everything and learns the truth at the same time he confesses to his love for you.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

Levi's heart raced in his chest as you walked around your office grabbing the things for his bruises. He blushed a little, then pulled off the leather straps of his gear. He unbuttoned his shirt, then pulled it off to show his muscle, scars and bruises to you.

Levi held his breath when you walked closer to him with bruising cream in hand. He shivered under your touch. He loved you being so close to him and you smelt so sweet like honey.

You smiled at Levi. "Sorry, it's a little cold."

"What?"

You showed him the cream. "You shivered, so I thought it was the cream."

He blushed a little and gripped the bed. "Tch, silly brat. You should warm it up."

You hummed a laugh as you collected more cream. "I'm not the silly one, you are." You rubbed the cream into a massive bruise on his pecs where the front strap went across. "You shouldn't train as hard as you do. If you keep this up, you'll start cutting into your skin."

Levi looked away from you as he blushed harder. "Sorry."

You hummed a laugh. "You're making me think you get hurt on purpose just to come to see me."

Levi groaned a little and gripped the bed more because you had seen right through his actions. "Tch, stupid."

You sighed, then moved to his back and carried on rubbing in the cream. "How are your legs?"

Levi gulped hard. "Why the fuck are you asking that? You trying to get me naked?"

You frowned and peered around his shoulder and gazed at him. "Last time I checked, we all wear straps across our thighs and legs."

Levi blushed a little. "Oh. Tch, I'm fine."

"Okay." You washed your hands, then smiled at him. "I recommend you don't do any practice for a few days so your bruises heal, but most people don't listen to me anyway."

"I'll rest."

You hummed. "Sure, sure."

He jumped off the bed and walked right up to you making you gasp and blush in such a cute way. "I'll rest. I swear to you I will."

You gulped hard, then nodded. "Alright. Well, thank you for listening." You pointed to his chest. "Do you need help putting everything back on?"

He didn't. "Yes, please."

You smiled and helped him put his shirt on, then you buttoned it up. "I'm always impressed with how white you get your shirts. You make your own cleaning things?"

He nodded as he felt proud of himself. "Yes."

You looped the leather strap through the buckle on his chest. "I might have to steal it from you then."

Levi touched your shirt. "Yours are very white."

You hummed a laugh. "Thanks, but mine doesn't smell as nice as yours."

He saw an opportunity to get closer. "Maybe I could help you make a cleaning mixture just for your clothes."

You picked up his cravat, then put it on him. "I would like that." You stepped back and smiled at Levi. "There, all done. You better go relax, or I'll be very unhappy with you."

"Tch, you ordering a Captain around?"

You packed your things away. "Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?"

Levi blushed at your cheeky smirk. "Tch, damn brat." Levi built up some courage inside him. He wanted to ask you on a date while he was healing up. "Oi brat?"

You turned to him and tilted your head and had that gentle smile that made him so weak. "Mmm?"

Your door was slammed open and Levi's worst enemy leaned in. James was a cocky energetic cadet that had everyone wrapped around his little finger. He was always cracking jokes and making people laugh. Recently, he'd been glued to your side. Levi had noticed it and hated it.

James grinned at you and sang your name. "Lunch. Now."

You smiled at him. "In a minute James, the Captain was just about to say something."

Levi glared at James, then looked at you. "Tch, another time."

You frowned at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

James stumbled a little when Levi shoved him out of the way. James hummed, then looked over at you. "They always say the smaller the man, then bigger the rage." He laughed. "Come on, it's funny."

You hummed. "Come up with a better joke and I might laugh."

James followed you around as Levi followed you both at a safe distance. "You know, I envy the Captain."

"Oh yeah? Why's that."

He smirked. "Well, he's so short that he's tit level with a lot of women. Must be nice to stare ahead and see beautiful mounds in front of you."

You sighed as you entered the mess hall. "Pick another joke."

Levi was furious at James, but he couldn't spy any longer now he was in the mess hall. He sat with Erwin, Mike and Hange as they talked and ate. He looked over at you and felt his rage and jealousy take over when he saw you laughing hard. He really didn't like James.

"Levi?" Erwin leaned on the table and smiled at his friend. "If you like her, just tell her that."

"Tch, shut up. It's not that easy. I've never felt this way before and I've never done this shit before."

Hange grinned. "Write her a poem."

Mike sighed. "No, just grab her and kiss her."

Erwin shook his head at his friends. "Don't listen to those two. Just do what you are comfortable with. Just tell her how you feel, okay?"

Levi hummed, then finished his lunch up and went for a walk to clear his head. He stopped when he saw James following you and messing about causing you to giggle. Levi was irritated and walked right over.

James opened his arms. "Captain! I almost didn't see you there! You know, talking to you strains my neck a little."

You backhanded his gut. "Don't be rude."

"I'm only joking. The Captain knows I'm joking. Besides, if he wanted to hit me he wouldn't be able to reach!"

Levi's eye twitched as rage filled him. He slammed his fist into James' face while he was laughing at his own joke. Levi grabbed your wrist, then yanked you towards him. He hurried along and dragged you with him. He ignore your protests and pleas as he kept pulling you along.

He stopped in the forest, then shoved you against the tree and slammed his fist against it by your head. "Tch, your boyfriend is a piece of shit."

You blushed "B-Boyfriend?"

"James! I fucking hate him!"

You frowned. "He's not my boyfriend."

Levi went white at your words, then he blushed. He choked a little on his words. "What?"

"He's not my boyfriend." You shivered. "Just ew, no thank you. He's a bit of an egotistic idiot if you ask me. Wait, you thought I was dating him?"

Levi blushed more as he felt embarrassed. "Maybe...it's just you two were close and well." He groaned. "Tch, shit. Me and my big mouth."

You smiled a little. "So, why are you so upset about him?"

He groaned. "I thought you two were dating and it pissed me off that you picked him of all people to be with. There are so many better people out there for you."

You folded your arms and smiled at the blushing Captain. "Like who?"

Levi's blush consumed his cheeks and the tops of his ears. "M-Me."

You blushed at him confessing a little. "You?"

"Tch, fuck brat. You got shit in your ears?" He grabbed your upper arms and squeezed. "I like you! I have these stupid romantic feelings for you and they just won't stop. I'm jealous that other men are close to you and I just want you all to myself." He locked eyes with you and had such a primal look, but it was also loving. "I want you to be mine."

You kissed him making him stiffen up and blush. "I was wondering when you were going to ask me to be yours. My answer is yes." You wrapped your arms around him and hummed in happiness. "This is the part where you hug me back."

Levi blushed, then hugged you back. "Tch, cheeky little shit."

You giggled. "I'm your problem now."

He buried his face in the crook of your neck. "Good. Everyone is going to know you're mine. All mine."

[etherealtobio]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐩𝐭. 𝟏

part 2

— haikyuu characters and what they’d do to help you sleep ♡

— feat. akaashi, atsumu, bokuto, hinata, kageyama, kita, osamu, suna, and tsukishima

— contains: gn!reader, established relationships, food mentions, slight manga spoilers, & slight crack bc that's just how it is <3

— a/n: this is for my beloved insomniacs, and here's my first headcanon !! LETSGOOO <3 i hope u enjoy and pls reblog if u liked it !! part 2 is up now╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

⇨ 𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 reads you a book !! have you heard of his voice ?? SO soothing which will lull you to sleep <3 he asks you what book you want him to read but he sometimes insists on reading you stories you haven't heard before, just because he knows you'll love what he picks. sometimes would make fun of you and would search the web to read smut. he says it'll make you uncomfy and force you to sleep. you know the ones that are so explicit? yeah, we won't elaborate on that. don't ask me how he reads them with a straight face. "akaashi, please stop" "but this is really good" "yeah but i wouldn't be able to take you seriously" "then i'll read more passionately" "babe if you don't sTOP-"

⇨ 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 is SO hyper. mans still has energy after volleyball practice and doesn't hesitate to ask you if you "wanna pillow fight?" ?? then proceeds to hit you before you even begin to talk. you gasp in shock as he hits your face so you try to hit him back, but the way he sways his pillow onto you is so strong which overpowers your will to do so. how strong is this man anyway ?? his last hit makes you fall back onto the bed, then he lays down beside you to trap you in his arms. "you tired?" "yes, 'tsumu, now let me go" "no" "you should've just asked if you wanted to cuddle so we can sleep" baby just wanted snuggies after all :')

⇨ 𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎 asks "you can't sleep? mE TOO" then turns the TV on to watch a movie with you <3 he storms out the room before the movie starts and grabs a bowl of popcorn on the way back and you chose not to mind the ones that fell on the floor when he ran back to you. he likes cuddles and initiates to be the big spoon bc he wants you to be comfy. he'd pick a romcom so both of you would feel light-hearted before sleeping. but really, it's just an excuse for him to avoid watching horror movies with you, and you insist otherwise. "bo, why don't you want to watch a horror movie anyway?" "i'd be too scared to sleep" "but i'm here?" "i have you and me that i have to protect from ghosts ok" i can imagine him instantly standing up just when he hears a strange noise coming out of nowhere HFJSDGF A BIG BABY

⇨ 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 is really excited to hear that you can't sleep because he was too hyper to do so. will ask you if you wanted to bike with him. bike ?? but he insists Miyagi's roads are safe to stroll around at night. he grabs the two bikes for you and both of you start to talk about life under the starry night <3 "what do you think of my spikes" "hinata, you ask me this literally everyday" "but you give me the best compliments!!" "fine, you're really good. but next time don't hit kageyama's head while serving" "you don't have to bring that up!!1!" all the cycling made you tired, so as you get back home, you feel drowsy and tired enough to fall asleep, and he is as well <3

⇨ 𝐊𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐌𝐀 tells you that it’s good to drink milk before sleeping. he actually does this and you notice that he’s fast asleep afterwards (when does he ever not drink milk anyways ??). whenever you tell him you can’t sleep, he makes sure that there’s a stock of milk cartons in the fridge just to make sure to never run out <3 “i can’t sleep” “how about you drink your milk” “but i'm gonna feel full” “well i’m not one who has a messed up sleep schedule, boke” he didn’t have to call you out like that 😔 but he got out of bed to pour you a glass of milk regardless <3

⇨ 𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐀 is really strict with you since he knows how sleep is important to you. he will NOT hesitate to wait for you to say that you can’t sleep. instead, he would give you lavender-scented candles and an eye mask before bedtime. he also cooks you boiled eggs since he says it helps with the melatonin, but will give you a tart cherry juice instead if you preferred not to eat <3 vERY responsible boyfriend, don't argue with me on this !! he'd also tell you to do the 4-7-8 breathing technique if you still can't sleep. "are you sure this will help?" "Obachan told me about this technique and it makes me fall asleep faster, try it" then proceeds to cuddle you whilst you do it. before you know it, you're already fast asleep !! although you'd have to ask him the next day about which helped you sleep faster <3

⇨ 𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔 insists to cook you something. you told him you were too hungry to sleep, so he brings you to the kitchen so you can watch him cook :') he says ramen is too heavy to digest at night so he cooks you miso soup instead !! this soup contains a lot of benefits so he's more than glad to offer you something that will be good for you <3 you watch him prepare all the ingredients before putting it altogether like magic. even if you don't like miso, the way he cooks it will be a life-changer for you because this man not only cooks, he cooks with passion !! you both devour the carefully-made soup then head back to your room to prepare to sleep <3 "did you like it?" "i did, 'samu, it tasted really good" "don't make yourself hungry before bedtime next time" but really, you just can't resist his perfect food recipes <3

⇨ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐀 shows you his stolen pics of the team (especially atsumu LOL) which makes you both laugh so hard your cheeks and stomachs hurt !! he would also tell you the backstory of each picture so you would know the context. there are several questionable scenes, one of which is kita massaging his forehead in the background while atsumu flashes his butt to the team inside the locker room. another one is a blurred selfie with the team in the background dancing to tiktok songs. "and if you look closely, you'll see a disappointed aran" "i bet this was atsumu's idea" "yeah, especially this one song where you throw it back." both of you get exhausted with the laughing and cackling so you finally fall asleep afterwards, with his arm around your waist <3

⇨ 𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀 gives you his giant dinosaur plushie. you’d be confused at first, because he doesn’t let anyone, not even yamaguchi, touch those plushies he cherishes very dearly. he actually has to choose since he has a ton of these in different dinosaur species. you know this, because he snuggles with different ones every night. you know that meme with the girlfriend sleeping with her 500 dollar four foot tall mareep? yep, that’s the sitch 😔 heart been broke so many times. BUT tsukishima is actually sweet enough to let you hold his plushies. “tsukki,, i can’t sleep” “here, have this T-rex” “but you don’t let anyone touch your plushies” “these help me sleep and it’s you anyways, take it” 🥺🥺🥺 then he insists to put the plushie between you both so he can cuddle it as well. tsukki said sharing is caring <3

©️ ETHEREALTOBIO - do not copy, translate, or repost

[carpisuns]

The way Marinette throws Chat Noir in the trash very angrily in one moment and in the other is like, "omg!! 😍💖💗Adrien😍💖💗 is sad!!! my poor baby CAN'T be sad!!" just..... sends me, lmao. The IRONY.

I find it genuinely funny 😅 It reminds how in the New York Special she was, like, EXTREMELY flustered around Adrien and couldn't even let him touch her without turning into a tomato/making a teapot noise, and then when she sees Chat Noir she's like, "excuse me, bitch?? watcha doing here??" But the best example was in Desperada when Adrien and Chat tell exactly the same joke, and she giggles at Adrien's joke and rolls her eyes at Chat 😭😭

Like. I can't see a sudden reveal going smoothly at all. She'll absolutely FREAK OUT 😂 (To be fair, I think that the difference in treatment it's not only about her crush on Adrien. She sees Adrien as this very sensitive, sweet boy and Chat Noir as this super cocky, confident hero who needs no coddling, if it makes sense...?) Anyway, Chat will have A LOT of fuel to make fun of her........ Wax lips, three suns, buttercup.... Y'know.

haha same! glaciator 2 made me laugh so much, including the trash can bit, and it's always so funny to see how differently she reacts to adrien vs chat noir. i gotta think that she'll be embarrassed about how spazzy she was around adrien when he was really her goofy dork of a partner all along lol.

as much as i appreciate the humor/irony of it though, i totally get why the difference in treatment is frustrating for a lot of fans. i feel that too at times. i am always rooting for marinette to get to the point where she can just speak comfortably with adrien and not be so weird and nervous because that would really make their friendship blossom. like, imagine if she could hang out with adrien the way she did with chat in glaciator 2. aaaa 😭

i'm also really hoping that she learns to see chat noir differently too. i get the sense that as much as she cares about him, she does tend to see him as being a little immature, not taking the job seriously, getting into trouble, etc. i definitely agree that she seems to see chat noir as too cocky to need coddling. i feel like she thinks he's pretty unflappable—like, if he's down for a second, it's okay because he'll bounce right back. "he'll be fine; he's chat noir." but sometimes he isn't fine! and he doesn't let her see that often.

i think glaciator 1 was the first time she really saw how sensitive and genuine and gentle chat noir really is, so she knows that side of him, but not nearly as well as we do, as the audience. there's a lot she doesn't see. she doesn't know how hurt he is by the events going on, and she doesn't see how hard he's trying and how much pressure he puts on himself. like, how long was he out there cataclysming ladynoir posters 😭😭 she had no idea that he was doing that! so yeah, while i do find marinette's adrien/chat noir disconnect super interesting and entertaining, i hope we see some development where marinette starts to naturally merge them a bit in her mind. not necessarily figuring it out (although that would be cool!) but at least just expanding her view of chat noir and seeing/understanding him more clearly on an individual level before she finds out he was adrien all along.

i agree that a sudden reveal would probably not go smoothly at this point, and the shock of it could've been really funny/entertaining in previous seasons, but at this point i feel like a reveal would be more angsty than anything D: im really excited to see whatever is in store for us but i'm hoping we won't get the reveal quite yet bc i would love to see some development first!

hahaha yesssss the post-reveal shenanigans will be AMAZING. i very much enjoy the idea of adrien good-naturedly teasing marinette for all the embarrassing things she did lol

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Bakugou and the reader are best friends --that he refuses to admit he's in love with-- but when it comes to other dudes, he acts like their guard dog. He overhears some jerks laughing about it calling the reader names and saying he could have anyone else in his class and goes off. The reader catches him fighting and stops it wondering what got into him but he refuses to tell them

2 things before we start

1. I'm gonna start doing tagging, so comment if you want to be tagged on the next posts. Starting out with 10 tags.

2. I listened to the song home by Catie Turner while I was writing this bc I wanted to be in my feels. So put that song on repeat while you read it.

Bakugou Katsuki honestly had no intentions of falling in love. He didn't have intentions of being friends with anyone really. Obviously Kirishima changed that- with the Bakusquad. But with you he fell deeper than he meant to with friends.

But Bakugou Katsuki was in deep. He was in so deep. And he fucking hated it but he wouldn't change it for the damn world.

Bakugou Katsuki, could not see himself with anyone but you. He's in full denial about it, of course. He could have any girl in the class, school even. Girls doted on him. His first year not so much, but after valentines day during his second year, he noticed (you did too) that women flocked to him. Some of them were cute, he'd admit, but if he tried to picture himself with any of them he felt weird. Sick almost. He figured it was just because he didnt know them- or he didnt want a relationship at the moment. But then came the fatal mistake.

You'd made him lunch, his favorite to be exact. You made him snacks every once in a while but this was new. You gave it to him, telling him it was extra from your lunch and walked away. He smiled to himself at the thought of making lunch for him, because you wanted to, not because it was extra- and that's when it happened. He thought of himself with you. This time he didnt feel weird, he didn't feel sick, he felt content, happy.

He ate his lunch that day in silence, away from the rest of his friends, hidden in the 1-A classroom. Aizawa didn't question it.

He tells his mom and his mom only. He'd be damned if shitty hair found out. He'd be even more damned if Mina or Kaminari found out because the two couldn't keep their mouths shut for the life of them.

"Katsuki you have a crush."

"Great, how do I get rid of it?"

"You don't? Katsuki have you never had a crush before?"

"Absolutely not."

"Wow, i just assumed you'd kept them from me and your father like every other teen."

"No I just don't have feelings, hag."

For the next half hour, he and his mother discuss what he could do. If he would do anything.

"Does she like you back?"

"How the fuck would I know?"

"Has she done anything out of the ordinary?"

"I mean she made lunch for me yesterday."

"Wow shes literally in love with you."

"Shut UP."

"Katsu, why dont you try making a move? They flirting?"

"Because she doesn't like me and I don't feel like dealing with rejection."

His mother sighed.

He went to school the next day, unsure of how to proceed when he spoke to you. How would it go down in the dorms? Theoretically he could just deny any attraction to you and be on his way- but he didnt want to loose you. He didn't want you out of his life, he knew that much. So he settled for just treating you as he always had.

However, when it came to other boys- he was on top of it. Just because he woukdnt make a move on you, didnt mean he'd let the greasy boys that flocked you. You deserved better than them. You knew it too. You were quietly thankful for his protection against unwanted attention from the boys.

He could pick up your signs of gratitude and he had no intention to stop. Especially when he heard guys talking, about you specifically.

Just listening to the words that oozed put of his mouth about you pissed him off.

"I could have any girl in the school." The boy scoffed. "Especially her- god I bet she's really fucking easy. She's never had a boyfriend and based on her personality it wouldn't be hard to hit it and leave-"

Katsuki had never swung on someone so quick in his life. His body acted before he could even think. Asshole boy stumbled back a little before lunging for Katsuki, grabbing his shirt and throwing his bodyweight on him to push him back. However- it wasn't really a match for him. A kid from the business class against Katsuki bakugou- part of the great three? No.

He refrained from using his quirk, knowing this- you'd rubbed off on him more than he cared to admit. But that didn't stop his fist from coming down on his face.

"Don't you DARE talk about her like that- she's not a fuckin object for your enjoyment you asshole-" He growled, his fist making contact with his face again.

"Katsu!" A voice yelled before he was being pulled off. A gentle hand cupped his cheek and turned his head. You. He saw you- through the red there was you. "What are you doing?" You ask softly- bowing slightly in apology before dragging him off.

He didn't say anything as he was lead down the hallway. That guy deserved what happened. He deserved every second of it.

"Katsu? Katsu- are you listening?"

"Hm?"

"I was asking if you were okay. Your cheek is bruised." You stopped, gently touching his cheek.

You were always concerned with his wellbeing. How he was- before anything you made sure he was okay. Regardless of the circumstances- before he was scolded or cursed out, you made sure he was okay. Physically and mentally.

"'M fine." He mumbled, looking down. "M okay."

You nodded, leading him down the hallway once more- walking into the dorm. You grabbed something from the kitchen and then lead him to your room, having him sit on the bed.

"Katsu, what happened?" You mumbled, sitting next to him and pressing and ice pack (wrapped in a thin shirt) to his cheek. He struggled to not lean into it.

In all honesty, all he wanted to do what high you. He had this overwhelming feeling to hold you, bury his face in your neck and just stay there.

"Nothing. Just a brawl." He muttered, unmoving '

"A brawl? Really."

"Yeah. A brawl."

"Well something started 'your brawl'. You gonna tell me what it was?"

"I'm telling you it was nothing. Don't worry about it." He couldn't tell you- he didn't want you to feel weird or self concious. He knew how words from people affected you, even though you fought on and on to ignore them and keep them from affecting you. There was too much going on in your head to completely ignore them, even subconsciously.

"It is something though! Because you're hurt. That other guy, a douche bag I'm sure, is hurt."

"He deserved it."

"Why?"

"Why are you so concerned with it."

"Because you're hurt! I know it's not very hero like- but I couldnt care less about his injuries. You are my priority. And I walk into you in a beatdown-"

Katsuki pushed the ice pack away from his cheek. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face in your neck. He wasn't expecting much after that- so when your hand came to play with his hair and the other holding his back, he felt like he was going to cry.

God he was so fucking in love with you. It made him want to scream- why would you ever want to he with him? Why were you doing this?

"I just want to make sure you're okay." She whispered.

"M okay. You don't have to worry about me."

"Doesn't mean I won't. I always worry about you Suki. I don't think that's going to stop." You continued threading your fingers through his hair.

"Then I'll be here, to remind your dumbass I'm okay."

"I know you will." You whispered. "Katsu, look at me." You mumbled- voice unsteady. He frowned and slowly lifted his head up. You were looking at him with such intensity in your eyes, he was unsure why.

You leanws forward, gently pressing your lips to his- ah that's why. He was surprised for a moment- stilling unmoving. You pulled away.

"Sorry- I guess that was uncalled-" he wouldnt let you finish, his lips were back on yours, pulling you close. You leaned into him, eye closed, guard down. Just you and him.

"I can't see myself with anyone but you." He grumbled, when he finally pulled away, lips inches apart. "I never have been able to."

"Good." You smiled softly. "I don't want you with anyone else."

@kirahhhh

[karliahs]

It’s been months since he was this close to anyone. It might have even been Jon the last time, too; helping him walk down in the tunnels. How did they get from there to here? How-

“Tim?” Jon asks softly, pulling back to look him in the face, and it’s the loss of that warmth and pressure that makes Tim realise he’s started breathing in great, shuddering gasps. He screws his eyes shut and Jon reverses their positions, pulling Tim into his chest with unpracticed but fervent hands. His T-shirt is soft against Tim’s face; he hadn’t thought Jon would own anything so soft.

Tim’s throat is burning, but as long as he keeps his eyes screwed shut then he isn’t crying. He isn’t crying on Jonathan Sims the night before they both-

“It’s alright, Tim,” Jon says, searching for words of comfort he only half believes himself. “It’s - whatever happens tomorrow, it can’t - we’re safe here.”

Tim laughs bitterly. “Nothing’s fucking safe.”

Jon seems unable to decide between rubbing soothingly at his back and just holding on as tight as he can. Tim shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be giving into this. But there's a reason he lost so much time when he should have been searching for the thing that killed his brother. The Institute was full of potential answers, but it was also full of bright, lovely distractions. He's buried in the arms of one of them.

Tim didn't used to think of that as weakness - but he didn't used to think there were worms that burrowed through your flesh, or creatures that took every true memory of your friend without you ever noticing, or monsters that played with skin, played with the fabric of who you were, because it was fun.

Tim doesn't know fucking anything, and maybe he never did, and now all that's left is to-

"What can I do, Tim?" Jon asks, and he sounds so honestly lost.

"Turn back time," Tim murmurs into his shirt. "Don't let go," he adds a moment later.

“I won’t, I won’t.” Jon clutches him impossibly closer. Tim’s world narrows down into warmth and pressure. “Tim, we don’t - we don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”

The gentle vibration of his words is almost enough to distract Tim from the words themselves. He turns his head so he can speak un-muffled, and immediately misses the comfort of being closed in. “I do, Jon. I can’t…” Tim fumbles for the right words, wondering faintly if this is how Jon feels all the time, struggling to give voice to the unspeakable. “The worst thing in all of this, the worst thing would be if they hurt someone again while I’m just standing there."

Still not crying, not as long as his eyes are tight shut. He feels Jon hesitate, then push forward anyway. "Even if...Tim, even if you had moved, what could you have done?"

Tim squeezes hard at Jon's side and isn't sure if he means it as a warning or a plea.

"I'd never have met you," Jon says, so soft Tim isn't sure if he was meant to hear it.

"Was just thinking before,” Tim replies, because he’s fucked up enough that he might as well keep going, “I wish I'd met you somewhere normal."

Jon’s hands still, and for a moment the rise and fall of his chest does too. It’s the closest thing to absolution Tim’s ever offered. He’s glad he can’t see Jon’s face, can’t see whatever shock or gratitude is playing out there. At some point, he made himself into someone who no one expects to be kind. He wonders, vaguely, whether it counts as forgiveness, to want someone to spend what might be their last night on earth forgiven.

from: enemy of my enemy, aka jon and tim sit in various rooms and talk: the fic

thank you for asking!!! here we go:

It’s been months since he was this close to anyone. It might have even been Jon the last time, too; helping him walk down in the tunnels. How did they get from there to here? How-

do you ever just think about how fast things went wrong for the s1 crew...they were friends just a few months ago!! a few weeks in between no current supernatural experiences -> trying to survive supernatural experiences together by physically holding each other up -> complete alienation. some experiences just defy comprehension, emotionally speaking, even when you can see every step that led from there to here

i also like to make myself sad by thinking about the practical day to day aspects of everyone in the archives being alienated from everyone else. like...when were either of them last touched (non-violently)

so much has changed but they've circled back around to each other

“Tim?” Jon asks softly, pulling back to look him in the face, and it’s the loss of that warmth and pressure that makes Tim realise he’s started breathing in great, shuddering gasps. He screws his eyes shut and Jon reverses their positions, pulling Tim into his chest with unpracticed but fervent hands. His T-shirt is soft against Tim’s face; he hadn’t thought Jon would own anything so soft.

'person starts crying without noticing until someone points it out' is a trope i generally try to stay away from partly because i just can't imagine that ever happening to me and therefore it doesn't ping my realism senses, but i get one (1) because it is undeniably juicy

this fic is very zeroed in on tim's perspective in terms of small sensory experiences, for a few reasons - drive home emotions, portray dissociation, and because i like writing about how it actually feels to be in a romantic gesture, to make it more real than just like...an image of people holding each other

small detail that jives with bigger points - jon's shirt unexpectedly soft, jon's surprising ability to still provide him with gentleness and comfort

i think jon here has no idea what to do but has been given permission to touch so is living his best tactile life with this inexpert hugging and is hoping that does something

Tim’s throat is burning, but as long as he keeps his eyes screwed shut then he isn’t crying. He isn’t crying on Jonathan Sims the night before they both-

“It’s alright, Tim,” Jon says, searching for words of comfort he only half believes himself. “It’s - whatever happens tomorrow, it can’t - we’re safe here.”

Tim laughs bitterly. “Nothing’s fucking safe.”

tim spends a lot of this fic having his inner-monologue cut off to try and show as well as tell that he's struggling to stay present

that 'both-' hurts me, honestly. hurts more than it actually being spelled out, i think. write to upset yourself, maybe you will upset others in the process

half is a word i absolutely overuse in writing but cannot stop. no one ever does something all the way, they are half- believing, wondering, worrying, etc.

i'm never 100% sure if i'm accurately capturing the way that jon speaks in canon but i did always like and want to emulate the fact that he speaks kind of hesitantly, trips over his own words, etc

Jon seems unable to decide between rubbing soothingly at his back and just holding on as tight as he can. Tim shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be giving into this. But there's a reason he lost so much time when he should have been searching for the thing that killed his brother. The Institute was full of potential answers, but it was also full of bright, lovely distractions. He's buried in the arms of one of them.

Tim didn't used to think of that as weakness - but he didn't used to think there were worms that burrowed through your flesh, or creatures that took every true memory of your friend without you ever noticing, or monsters that played with skin, played with the fabric of who you were, because it was fun.

again, jon does not know what to do so he is just trying. just trying to do any kind of soothing hand thing

i thought quite a lot about reconciling the seemingly happy-go-lucky tim that gets presented to us early on vs learning why he came to the institute in the first place. tim here is framing that as a failing because he's miserable and traumatised and guilt-ridden, but i think at least part of it was actual healing. he was taking time and enjoying the people around him and trying to make the best of things, until it all went wrong

related, the self-recrimination of tim hating himself for not having seen any of this coming, even though they were not predictable events...very human nature after you have been through something terrible. how dare i have not anticipated every trouble that ever befell me

'played with skin, played with the fabric of who you were' - a lot of this story was me just enjoying the themes of stranger-horror. i love the terror of knowing there are creatures who can change aspects of you that should be unchangeable, physically in skin and otherwise in terms of identity and memory. love applying that to jon and tim, who have been fundamentally changed against their will by trauma and their roles in a story neither of them wanted. skin as metaphor for identity, and learning that people can take away your skin is then utterly terrifying to someone who already feels like his identity is being forcibly eroded. and then that shared terror brings them back together, just a little

Tim doesn't know fucking anything, and maybe he never did, and now all that's left is to-

"What can I do, Tim?" Jon asks, and he sounds so honestly lost.

"Turn back time," Tim murmurs into his shirt. "Don't let go," he adds a moment later.

this fic...is so sad. why did i write this. why am i being attacked by my past self and their awful words on this day

explicit admission that tim wants/needs jon here...even a chapter ago he was like yeah i'm going to america with jon bc i am regrettably relying on him as my reality-anchor, nothing emotional here

“I won’t, I won’t.” Jon clutches him impossibly closer. Tim’s world narrows down into warmth and pressure. “Tim, we don’t - we don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”

The gentle vibration of his words is almost enough to distract Tim from the words themselves. He turns his head so he can speak un-muffled, and immediately misses the comfort of being closed in. “I do, Jon. I can’t…” Tim fumbles for the right words, wondering faintly if this is how Jon feels all the time, struggling to give voice to the unspeakable. “The worst thing in all of this, the worst thing would be if they hurt someone again while I’m just standing there."  

Still not crying, not as long as his eyes are tight shut. He feels Jon hesitate, then push forward anyway. "Even if...Tim, even if you had moved, what could you have done?"

Tim squeezes hard at Jon's side and isn't sure if he means it as a warning or a plea.

warmth, pressure, vibration...continuing to be fascinated by the little tactile details of what it feels like to be close to someone

emotional logic is so powerful. tim moving most likely would have either made no difference to the outcome or worsened it (because both him and danny would have died) but of course for tim standing still while someone he loves was destroyed counts for everything about who he is. sometimes blame feels better than helplessness, which mirrors what happens with his friendship with jon - is it scarier if they are all helpless, or if this one guy is The Enemy

‘give voice to the unspeakable’ sometimes i like poetic descriptions of jon’s role as archivist

"I'd never have met you," Jon says, so soft Tim isn't sure if he was meant to hear it.

"Was just thinking before,” Tim replies, because he’s fucked up enough that he might as well keep going, “I wish I'd met you somewhere normal."

Jon’s hands still, and for a moment the rise and fall of his chest does too. It’s the closest thing to absolution Tim’s ever offered. He’s glad he can’t see Jon’s face, can’t see whatever shock or gratitude is playing out there. At some point, he made himself into someone who no one expects to be kind. He wonders, vaguely, whether it counts as forgiveness, to want someone to spend what might be their last night on earth forgiven.

:(

tim views talking with and connecting to people as fucking up. how much of that is even slightly shrouded in logic and how much is just - tim is depressed and deep in self-loathing, somewhere still at the core of him tim loves people and making connections, so of course doing the thing he wants to do is wrong

‘At some point, he made himself into someone who no one expects to be kind.’ tim has this thought once and then worries at it like a sore tooth because his default state is hopeless fury with himself, with everyone. i also think this demonstrates how new information/realisations often can’t help you out of a bad mental state on its own, because it’s all too easy to slot it into your existing thought patterns. pushing everyone away was making tim worse - he starts to feel like that was a mistake, but it just becomes more self-recrimination

forgiveness is one of those words that seems to encompass so many different concepts that i find it hard to know exactly what it’s meant by saying you forgive someone. specifying what’s meant by this little shard of maybe-forgiveness makes it mean more, at least to me

may i reiterate: :(

[numbaoneflaya]

1, 20, 22 for Ciggy and 7, 12, and 22 for Valkya? :^)

yeeeess yes you may <33 my two annoying bastards

Ciggy

1: What’s your OC’s biggest insecurity and how would they react if someone pointed it out to them?

-Probably his inability to hold down a job for longer than a few months, his lack of relationship with his father and his mom not wanting him! and being a “deadbeat” dad! (hah, bcs hes dead lol). Hes pretty much been told hes a fuck up all his life so he just laughs it off and goes along with it, but anyone pointing these out youll see a flash of genuine pain before his defensive tactics kick in and he tries to act like he doesnt care. “Yup, you got me! My mom doesnt love me but i still fuck yours so good she lets me overwrite your xbox saves”. Will probably be angry too but will try not to show it bcs if hes mad then they got to him, and nothing can get to him, hes ciggy! Afterward hell probably get fucked up no whatever substance is available and try and shake it off.

20: Does your OC hurt others often unintentionally? If yes, how?

-Yes, by sheer recklessness and failure to really think through how his actions affect other people. He's impulsive and sometimes likes to poke at other people's insecurities to see if he can get a reaction out of them. Also selfish without thinking about it, will probably eat the last of your leftovers and raid your pill drawers :/

22: How does your OC usually show affection? Are they openly romantic or more restricted with their affectionate emotions?

-Hes very open with affection! With friends and lovers he's very feely. Wants to sit draped across your lap or very close nearby. Epitome of giving the homies a kiss goodnight. If he really likes you it just makes him want to annoy you more, so be prepared for him giggling and poking you in the ribs and licking your pancakes, or jumping in front of you and twerking on you while your in a rush :/ even he doesn't know why he is the way he is

Valkya

7: Does your OC have any irrational phobias?

-Valkya fucking hates those giant insects in valenwood and deshaan. The giant leeches? Fucking forget about it. Maybe not exactly a phobia but just the sight of them makes her rage so hard but she also doesnt want to attack them because then she gets splattered with giant bug juice and twitching limbs and thats just disgusting. They always seem to know where she is and single her out every time though

12: What is one of the most primary things your OC feels that is missing from their life?

-An ending! all the greatest hero stories have an end- be it tragic, sweet or cruel, all the heroes are made great after their deaths and are remembered as noble. You don't really get to have a noble end or a book written about you when your story is just….. Never ending. “Oh its the great hero of the second age, who slew and conquered molag bal himself and tamed coldharbors vile temperament! I wonder what plane her soul yet lingers, where greatness runs in rivers as through her blood?” “i saw her get jumped by a giant leech last week while she was trying to eat some moldy bread” “oh :/”

22: How does your OC usually show affection? Are they openly romantic or more restricted with their affectionate emotions?

-Shes usually pretty open about being affectionate no matter who shes with. Friend or romantic partner, no one is safe from her bear hugs and sometimes they are a surprise from behind. Shes also big on acts of service, if she likes you expect her to be running errands for you out of nowhere and picking you up gifts and showing up out of nowhere with a keg of ale and a story to tell.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[thosch3i]

Xiao Yuliang Interview [Eng Trans]

[Photo: XYL’s dog]

so remember this post? yeah well i wound up doing a mostly full translation of the entire 6 minute interview on twitter. some parts are paraphrased and a few details were skipped bc he sometimes repeated himself and there were one or two details i wasn’t 100% sure of, but other than that an eng transcript of the full interview is below the cut:

1. Introduce your role in "Ultimate Note"?

XYL: In Ultimate Note I play Zhang Qiling, Xiaoge.

2. What kind of impression does this character leave in your heart?

XYL: Before, I thought he was a really strong, and then a very cool, and then a very cold/detached person. But later, I finished reading the novel and read the script, and I felt like he's someone who lets your heart ache for him. The feeling he gives me--because once I was reading the script in a car, and I almost wanted to cry for him, because he's always searching for the things he's lost. And he's very strong, but he wasn't born strong; he also went through a lot, and he made himself strong. He can bleed, and he can get hurt; it's just that he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't show that he's in pain.

3. Talk about the initial pressure of receiving this role?

XYL: When I got this role, the pressure was really really big, but I also thought I was pretty lucky, because I'd played Zhang Qiling before, and I get to play him again, and I think that's pretty lucky. But the pressure is too big, on set right now, the pressure is very big.

4. Netizens were pretty satisfied with your performance; have you seen these comments?

XYL: When Sha Hai was airing, I saw their comments. Some of them approved, and I was happy, but others--like, saying some suggestions or opinions--I also looked at them. I also looked at the performances of other actors who played Zhang Qiling and comments on their performances. I used them as a reference, and I learned from the experiences/evaluations of others.

5. What was the greatest challenge of playing Zhang Qiling?

XYL: The biggest challenge is that there are too few lines. It's really hard to act! [Xiaoge] has some expressions where it's just, you can't make them too obvious or too "unrestrained" because his actions are also very restrained, but if you're too restrained then everyone just thinks you don't have any reactions. And the editors are also very hardworking, because they'll have 4 pages, and I won't have a single line, just reactions. The others will talk for 10 minutes, and I'll just be reacting. [Xiaoge] is a person with few/no words, but with his whole heart, he wants to go care for others...it's very difficult; this "no lines" is very difficult. Another thing is fight scenes are very difficult, and the weather is too hot.

6. What are some scenes that left the deepest impression on you?

XYL: Like when it's 3am, and we're running through a wild river, the water is all up to our waists, and we don't know what's underground. I was just afraid there were snakes, you know? Nothing we can do, just run. And there's also, because the filming location is at Xishuangbanna, there really are snakes. We've seen snakes etc on set, so we were afraid accidents would happen. Thankfully they didn't. And there was also when we were rubbing mud on our faces during the hot day. Actually, what we were rubbing was chocolate paste. When the chocolate on our faces dried, we spread on more, and it feels like you've become a "chocolate person", not a "mud person". I also tasted it--the BTS side clips recorded it; the taste is okay. [t/n: here is a link to that clip]

7. How did it feel working with the other actors in the crew?

XYL: Liu Yuning-laoshi [t/n: Hei Xiazi] is really nice. He doesn't have a temper, and he's a very calm and tranquil person. I think he's really nice. Xiao Xi [t/n: lit. “Little Xi”, nickname for Zeng Shunxi aka Wu Xie] is a little mischievous. Xiao Xi likes to stir up trouble on set and play around. In any case he plays around with Pangzi and me, but Liu Yuning-laoshi is more tranquil, not quite the same as [his character] in the show.

8. Before you posted a vlog caring for your pet on Weibo, why don't you introduce your pet?

XYL: My dog's name is a character I played once; my mom named him. Because we'd just finished filming that show, and then my mom got a dog, so she just called him my name in the show. Tell me, isn't that annoying? [t/n: drama was called 反骗天下/Fan Pian Tian Xia and his role was called 米若/Mi Ruo; his dog is apparently called 米诺/Mi Nuo.]

9. You've been an actor for awhile now; can you discuss what being an actor feels like?

XYL: Initially, before I became an actor, I thought, "Oh, cool". Everyday you're just, wow, holding weapons, cool! But now I think it's so hard. Especially while shooting this show, I got a sty for a month, and it's still not better even now. [t/n: you can definitely see the swelling under his eye in ep1] I think this sty is from accepting this role, or because of work. In any case, it's still not better. But it's no problem; thankfully, my hair can cover it. You also have to be careful of safety on set; real blades can slice open your hands. Once, I wasn't careful and cut my wrist, but thankfully the doctor's stitching skills were pretty good. When he was still stitching, I even said, "Doctor, you have to stitch it well, okay, I'm an actor, I use this hand to perform", and he said "Okay". After the stitches were done, he asked me, "Are you satisfied with the stitches?" The results were pretty good; it didn't really leave a scar.

10. Finally, promote this show to our fans.

XYL: You all have to watch our "Ultimate Note", because filming was really tough, and we've diligently tried to accomplish these three roles [t/n: the iron triangle, I’m assuming] and later on some of the the details of many of the books. I hope you will see similarities to the novel in some of the show's scenes.

and we are done! so yeah, i think his take on xiaoge’s character was the most important part, but some of the other stuff (listening to him complain about some things lmao) was kinda funny too. im still laughing about the whole ‘im an actor i need this hand to perform’ bit bc dude you literally sliced yourself open w a knife badly enough to need stitches but that’s your first priority???? glad you’re dedicated to your job though i guess but LOL

Quick question/answer:

1. What do you want to say to Zhang Qiling?

XYL: Xiaoge, you've worked hard.

2. Who from the show would you pick to go with you on an adventure?

XYL: I’ll choose...I'll choose Pangzi, because he'll definitely bring food. And he's fat, and he's pretty joyful, oh right, I can also bully him.

3. Describe the level of your cooking skills.

XYL: Cooking skills? The rank of instant noodles. Just boiling instant noodles, then adding the flavor packets, and then tomatoes, eggs...instant noodles.

4. If you're not restricted, what kind of role do you most want to play?

XYL: If I'm not restricted, then I want to play that guy who, in the morning, is just delivering takeout or is really well-behaved and wears glasses, that type, and then at night he pushes his hair back like this [xyl mimes pushing his hair back], and he starts to....different types...in any case, like split personalities, right, split personalities.

5. A sentence to describe your ideal life.

XYL: My family and I are healthy, and I have enough money to go live a normal life, eat/drink whatever I want, travel with my family, and just grow up slowly.

oh right additional note, in zsx's interview, when asked which character he'd take, he said xiaoge without hesitation. and the interviewer asked if he wanted to know who xiaoge picked and zsx was all "he didn't pick me did he...I'll be leaving now, thank you~" 😂

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Since the quarantine started I've been trying to keep myself in shape, and I started to do exercises every day, feeling completely incapable. 😂😂😂 Imagine Billy trying to be some sort of personal trainer for Jonathan, mostly because he noticed that he doesn't move enaugh, but also because it's funny to watch him stuggle while Will and El laugh their asses off.

first of all: i FEEL it!! dude i keep trying to do things and then my mind is like: you’re real funny to think i’m ever doing anything physical ever again

I’M CACKLING i absolutely cannot!! Billy and Jonathan's relationship w/ each other makes me laugh and this??? has me rolling. you just know Jonathan would NOT want this. he'd push so hard against this. (also sorry i kind of gave this a plot WOOPS)

Okay, if this was a modern AU/if i ever could rip my absolute love for the 80’s away from myself enough to WRITE a modern AU, i think this would make the PERFECT ONE. like….. Imagine Billy filming shitty little videos on his camera/phone for social media (snapchat or instagram or like……. Vlogging for his fitness youtube channel or some shit, idk, i don’t use social media enough but you get the idea) and being like: “Alright guys… day one of turning local twig into more than just skin and bones.”

And he’s sauntering to Jonathan’s room as he talks and turns the camera around to find Jonathan’s door open and him laying on his bed like, reading or going through his camera or something looking at and deleting pictures he doesn’t like/need/whatever and Jonathan looks up, just barely perturbed bc it’s just Billy and his door is open so he kind of asked for this and the camera catches the exact moment that Jonathan’s face switches to -oh shit oh no Billy has his camera out- and he just goes: “What are you doing?”

And Billy turns the camera back around to him and you can see Jonathan’s little head and scared little face in the background behind Billy’s shoulder as Billy says: “Training day!” with the biggest, widest, most malicious grin on his face as he fucking trust falls back onto Jonathan’s stretched out form.

And Jonathan starts scrambling trying to get up but he’s really just flailing his limbs, eyes going wide as the camera gets blurry and there’s a thump and an-

“Ooof!”

And then Billy’s cackling.

And Jonathan’s voice is strained- sounds like someone’s practically choking him- as the camera focuses on Billy’s grinning face and skinny hands that are pushing at his broad shoulders and his cheek (which makes Billy grimace bc he doesn’t like his face being touched thank you) and Jonathan says: “Get off, you’re heavy.”

“First exercise! Push me off yourself.”

“What?” Jonathan squeaks. “No! I can’t! You’re like, a million pounds.”

“Million pounds of pure muscle, baby.” Billy says as he lets all that muscle go and becomes absolute dead weight onto Jonathan who is struggling.

“I hate you so much.” Jonathan wheezes, shoving at Billy, pinching him a few times until Billy smacks Jonathan’s hand hard enough to make him whine, laughing about how that’s cheating, jackass

You’re the one who won’t get up, asshole.

Yeah, well maybe after this we need to work on your reflexes, slow poke.

And it goes on like that. At first Billy does it randomly bc it’s kind of just a joke, like: “I think I wanna mess with Jonathan today. Let’s go.”

But then he gets kinda serious about it and it becomes an actual series of videos like: “Day 5, cardio day! If he can do it, then you can do it.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

Billy shrugs, grinning at the camera with an: “I think it’s pretty funny...”

Jonathan shoves at Billy, who in turn shoulders the boy back and makes him lose his balance.

The curly haired boy sends a knowing look to the camera.

“And this is why we’re doing this.”

“Whatever.” Jonathan mutters.

And it’s kind of fun for both of them, honestly!! Jonathan gets into it (even though Billy’s a little aggressive in his ways…) and absolutely does NOT look at any of the comments. Billy does though, and likes to tell Jonathan all of the ones that 1. Playfully make fun of him and 2. Are like…… really oddly and kind of grossly horny for him (bc Jonathan’s face gets red and he always tries to run away as quickly as possible bc our boy is a Shy Lil Bean who does NOT want to hear about how some random girl or guy on the internet thinks Jonathan is “just cute enough to eat the fuck up”) there are also some extremely rude people who shit on Jonathan constantly but they’re bullies and Billy always tells them off right before blocking them completely.

ANYWAY enough of that, let’s get back to the 80’s please!

No vlogging, no comments, just Billy walking out of basketball practice to his car to go hang out with Steve, heading around the back of the gym so he can avoid as many people as possible, when he hears a very familiar sound.

He looks over, out of instinct and curiosity bc yup, it’s a body being slammed into the chain link fence that surrounds the school. And his sauntering slows, curiosity fully taking over because hey, he must know the dudes that’re fighting, and gossip is one of the only interesting things in this town and-

Shit.... Shit, he knows that floppy hair.

It’s Jonathan. Billy doesn’t have a good view of the guy who’s pushing him but the two boys behind him are Jacob and Trevor so he figures the dude acting as the aggressor must be that jackass Zack Olson. The boy’s a punk. Billy keeps a careful watch of the scene in front of him, wondering what the occasion is.

And then the boy, with a hand still on Jonathan’s jacket, reaches his fist back for a punch. Billy does all he can to keep himself from going over there. Something about the need to “fight your own battles” or whatever filtering through his head when-

The boy punches Jonathan’s stomach. Billy’s mind is racing, blood starting to boil, shifting his weight.

C’mon, bud… fight back… I know you can-

He gets shoved back against the fence again, before his shin is getting kicked and-

Nope nope nope-

Billy’s kicked into gear. He’s stalking over there, getting faster with each aggressive move and the assholes are goddamn cackling and Billy’s blood is boiling and it seems like Jonathan’s had enough at this point bc he ducks out of the way quickly and then Billy’s veering for the hole in the fence and he’s stepping through it and he slams his hand against the fence, the rest of it shaking noisily as all 4 of the boys swing their heads over to him.

“Hargrove!” calls one of the boys.

“Get out of here.”

“C’mon… we’re just having some fun-”

“Get… out... unless you want your nose broken in multiple places.”

Fear fills their eyes, but they don’t leave without a scowl.

And then Jonathan is there, coughs a little bit, and Billy’s mad.

“Hey.” Jonathan mumbles, pushing off the fence to walk past Billy but Billy grabs his wrist before he can get away.

“What was that?” He asks, teeth clenched because he’s confused and is trying to make sense of this. “You just let those guys beat you up like that?”

Jonathan shrugs.

“I don’t understand you.” Billy continues, sitting in his hip, still keeping hold of the thin wrist. “Those guys are punks… You beat up my boyfriend, didn’t you? What are you doing letting those guys do that to you?”

“I don’t like to fight.” Jonathan mumbles and Billy thinks he needs to clean out his ears.

“Don’t like to fight?” Billy laughs disbelievingly. “From what I hear you beat Steve up to a fucking pulp and you don’t like to fight? Don’t give me that shit-”

“Yeah, because Steve was saying stuff about Will and… and my mom. So.” Jonathan looks Billy in the eyes but Billy’s too busy being shocked by the words.

He knew Jonathan beat Steve up in an alley. He knew Steve did some pretty shitty stuff leading up to it. He knew Steve incited it. He knew Steve was sorry sorry so sorry... but he didn’t know it got so personal. He didn’t know Steve said shit about the Byers. Steve never wants to talk about it and, frankly, Billy never wants to ask. But this seems important. Maybe he will. Because… well-

“.... He said shit about Joyce? And Will?” Billy’s grip loosens.

“Yeah…” Jonathan mumbles, hanging his head again, shaking his wrist out of Billy’s hand. “But he- he didn’t mean it. He was just mad. He apologized. A lot… it’s fine.”

Billy’s gonna have to ask about that. But for now he’s got a shaking boy in front of him that for some reason he like…. Actually cares about now and it’s weird but it’s not horrible and… and he doesn’t wanna see this boy get hurt when he knows the boy himself can prevent it.

“Huh…. well you’ve got reflexes obviously. Don’t tell me it’s some ‘monster’ side of you or something- you’ve got practice.”

“Yeah well…. I used to….” Jonathan’s voice gets far away. “I used to have to fight my dad off...”

“Oh…. huh.” Billy knew that too. Vaguely. Knows Jonathan’s dad was an absolute asshole and Jonathan used to have to keep him at bay so he wouldn’t hurt Joyce or Will. Still doesn’t make it any less shocking to know that their little family has roots in so much pain and fear. They’re such a good family now. They didn’t let it break them apart. Joyce fought for them and… and Billy can’t think about that too much. “So what, you’re one of those guys? Hero type, won’t fight unless you need to or whatever.”

“You do the same thing.”

“Do not-”

“Most of the time you do.” Jonathan says with an eyebrow raised. “C’mon Billy, you can cut the tough guy shit. I know you now.”

Billy’s not having it. “Yeah, whatever, this is about you. Maybe if you had some more meat on your bones they wouldn’t be able to push you around like that.”

“It’s not that, they’re just jerks-”

“Yeah, and you’re not exactly intimidating-”

“It’s fine, Billy, stop pretending like you care-”

“I do care, you asshole.”

“Then quit worrying. I’m fine, I’ll take care of myself, I can handle it… it’s fine. I just don’t like fighting.”

Billy’s irritated, but he’s too tired to fight because he already knows the two of them could go at it forever. He just watches Jonathan shrug his shoulders harshly as he backs up before he turns, slips through the hole in the fence, and stalks away.

Billy rolls his eyes.

But when he’s with Steve, he brings it up. The fact that he saw Jonathan after school (Steve asked how he’s doing), the fact that he saw Jonathan getting beat up (Steve sat up with concern and asked if he stopped them), the fact that Jonathan told him he doesn’t like to fight (Steve nodded with understanding, like he knew that already), the fact that-

“Jonathan said you said shit about Will and Joyce.”

“Hu-... oh…”

“That’s why he beat you up.”

“I… I didn’t mean it. He knows I didn’t. I swear I didn’t, I was just… it was a lot that was happening and-” Steve is stammering. Billy starts to feel bad about it. “-there’s no excuses. No no, there’s no excuses, I shouldn’t make excuses, I was an asshole and I shouldn’t have said that shit no matter how angry I was because they… they didn’t do anything and Will is such a good kid and Joyce is like… one of the only people that actually ever seems to care and-”

“Babe.”

“And I didn’t mean it, I swear-”

“Babe.”

“H-huh?”

“I know.” Billy says, grabbing hold of Steve’s face to get him to calm the hell down. Steve breathes.

But Billy still doesn’t know what to do about Jonathan. And Steve tries to reassure him that- “He knows what he’s doing. We know he can fight them off he just… doesn’t want to. Can’t make a horse eat the hay or…. Whatever it is. What is it? Can’t get an old dog to… drink from a river?”

Billy rolls his eyes, but his heart beats a little faster.

“You’re such a dumbass.”

Steve tries to be resentful but he’s being kissed so he doesn’t exactly have the opportunity.

But Billy isn’t okay with this!!! He truthfully doesn’t know how Jonathan even has the reflexes he does still bc Lonnie’s been gone for a while and all the boy does nowadays is lay around the house…. Literally that’s it. At any given moment of any given day he’s laying on the couch, laying in his bed, or running around with his camera- and by ‘running’, he really means ‘ambling’ bc the boy has absolutely no sense of urgency.

He likes to say that he had “enough urgency back when I thought my brother was dead. I’d like to take a break now.” but Billy likes to say: “That was two years ago, you lazy fucker.”

So.

And Billy can’t really be lead to believe that sex with Nancy is that much of a fuckng cardio work out. Billy doesn’t know hardly any details of the two and their sex life because he doesn’t want to know but Billy can bet the two of them are the most vanilla people on the planet. And Nancy is tiny, it’s not like lifting her would be that much of a physical strain. For anyone.

So...

He’s like…. upset about this. Jonathans carries himself very differently when he’s at home than when he’s at school but it still bothers Billy bc why. And he figures it must be bc the boy just isn’t physically capable of being confident in a place with so many people. Figures maybe Jonathan just wants to be invisible when he's at school and so he shrinks but Billy just doesn't understand. And now all I can think about is Billy being a really fucking aggressive version of Glinda from Wicked and Jonathan is Elphaba and Billy just stands in Jonathan’s doorway, large and intimidating presence that he is, and says: “Jonathan, I’ve decided to make you my new project.”

And Jonathan, who’s laying in bed eating popcorn and flipping through his photo album as he listens to R.E.M. just gives a very disinterested look in Billy’s direction and says: “You really don’t have to do that.”

And Billy sits in his hip and raises and eyebrow and rolls his eyes and says: “I know…” on a sigh, with a vaguely exhausted and yet somehow cocky “That’s what makes me so nice.” tagged onto the end.

“Think I’m gonna have to disagree-”

“No time. C’mon. We’re going for a run.”

And Billy tries not to give the boy much of a chance, but he makes it so difficult. For as thin and lazy as the boy seems to be, Jonathan has a lot of fucking endurance. He can fight Billy on this forever and Billy really just wants to pick him up and throw him in front of the weights and make him lift them but like… he knows he can’t so he gives up for the day.

But then one day he catches Jonathan asleep on the couch.

So he scares him awake.

“Shit!” Jonathan jerks, sitting up and looking into Billy’s face and sighing harshly. “Billy! Are you trying to kill me?”

“Did that get your heart rate up?”

“Yeah, you nearly scared me to death.”

“Great, we’re going for a run.”

“No.”

“Yes, we are. 5 laps around the house and then we’ll see where you’re at, c’mon.”

“Billy I said no.” And Jonathan pushes himself up and starts heading to the kitchen but Billy just isn’t having this because… because he knows Jonathan was getting smacked around again yesterday. Knows he got harassed after gym class. Billy saw it. He’s mad about it and he thinks he can do something about it so he’s gonna and…

Billy grabs hold of the back of Jonathan’s shirt and yanks him back.

“Billy!”

“You think you’re good? Fine then, fight me.”

“No.”

And Billy keeps hold of Jonathan’s shirt even as he struggles out of the way and Billy knows the boy used to be able to hit and take a punch in return but he just… he needs to really know. If Jonathan can get away from him then he’ll leave him alone but only then.

Jonathan struggles. “Let go of me.”

“You get away yourself.”

“Billy-”

And Billy pulls Jonathan back some more so he can pin him against the wall aggressively and Jonathan shrinks and Billy’s got him against the wall, hand to his chest, arm’s distance away from him, waiting for Jonathan to fight back and-

“Fight back.”

“I don’t want to!”

“Do it. Try and get away.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m at home! I don’t… I don’t wanna fight in my house! Not in the house, just-stop. What if Will walks in?”

And the words strike Billy harshly. Like he’s the one that’s taken a blow, like Jonathan just punched him and-

And suddenly Billy feels like an absolute asshole. Because he’s being a bully. He’s bullying Jonathan in his own home, even when he’s being asked to stop. He’s an aggressor. He’s being their fucking father and maybe the intent isn’t malicious but that doesn’t change a whole fucking lot, now does it? He knows it doesn’t. He loosens his grip, unsure how he could have let himself get this far. He tries to convince himself that it’s not like that... but he knows that Will wouldn’t see it that way if he were to walk in.

He lets go of Jonathan. They stand there in silence.

But Billy’s still just not okay with this.

“I just… I don’t wanna see you get pushed around anymore.”

Jonathan rolls his eyes.

“Then look away.”

Billy growls.

“No, you idiot. Don’t you… you affect Will too, y’know!”

Jonathan eyes Billy darkly. “Yeah, what are you talking abou-”

“What do you think he would think if he saw you getting pushed around? He’s gonna think it’s okay to let people do that to him!” Billy’s getting riled up and really he feels kind of stupid being so affected by these people he gave absolutely zero shits about a little over a year ago but… but now.

Jonathan’s mouth screws up in thought and irritation. Billy’s trying to hit it home.

“He’s not gonna stand up for himself because you don’t.”

Jonathan slumps against the wall. Billy thinks he’s got him.

“I still don’t see why you care.” Jonathan mumbles, eyeing Billy with a curiosity that’s colored with disdain and Billy’s a little sick of that face.

“Because you guys are my family now, jackass.”

Jonathan scoffs disbelievingly. “I really never would have pegged you for being such a ‘family guy’, Billy.”

The words leave something bitter in Billy’s system. He licks his teeth . “Yeah, well, maybe I don’t wanna be like those assholes.”

Jonathan sizes Billy up for a second… and Billy knows he’s got him.

“Fine.”

Billy’s grin becomes shark-like. If that scared look on Jonathan’s face is regret… well it’s too late for that.

And so Joyce comes home from her shift at the store to find her son…. Running…. Around the outside of the house……

“Uhm… Hi honey.” Joyce climbs to the porch, turning around as Jonathan stops in front of her.

“H-uh… huh… huh… huh…h-uh-”

“Don’t stop! Who said you could stop?!” Comes a voice that makes Joyce jump.

Billy jogs up, looking up at Joyce and giving a polite smile.

“Hi!” He says, hands on his hips, slightly out of breath but looking rather unbothered compared to Jonathan who’s currently bent over wheezing.

“Uhhhhhm…. What’s going on?”

“Jonathan’s my new workout buddy!” Billy says triumphantly, patting a large hand harshly on Jonathan’s back and causing the boy to cough in response.

Joyce looks concerned. Billy’s not too worried about it.

“Uh huh. Alright then… well, I’m just gonna start on… dinner…. Then….”

“Sounds good.” Billy pats Jonathan’s back harshly, barking again once Joyce has her back turned. “Alright, 5 more!”

“B-but! We just did 5!”

“Yup, and we’re doing 5 more. C’mon, the longer you stay standing the harder it’s gonna be, now move!”

And Jonathan’s getting shoved and then the two are running, Jonathan flailing a bit more with every step he takes but hey…. All that stuff about Rome and taking time and whatever… Billy thinks that applies here.

And so the two of them work out and Jonathan kind of 100% wants to quit every time they start (esp bc Billy seems to know exactly when it’s inconvenient for Jonathan to start working out and picks that exact moment to bug him) but…. It kind of feels good... he guesses.

And Billy pushes hard at first. And he makes Jonathan eat more. Like… a lot more. So much more, in fact, that the boy vomits and Billy realizes he may need to pull back because: Hey…. maybe he can’t force too much too quickly. He’s just trying to get the boy to carbo-load so he gets some kind of muscle.

He wants to track it too (because maybe this is his calling or something), so he asks Jonathan for his camera and pulls him in front of a wall.

“Uhhh… please just… just be careful with it.” Jonathan insists, holding onto his camera until the last possible second but eventually having to concede to allowing the camera to lay in Billy’s large hands.

“It’s fine.”

“Put the strap on. It can’t fall if you-”

“I’m not putting on the stupid little strap, I’m not trying to look like a loser, I’m just trying to get a picture.” and then he’s twisting and flipping the camera around in his hands, mumbling: “Now how do I…?”

“Be careful.”

“I’ve got it!” Billy barks, eyebrows furrowing. “I’m just looking for the-shit!”

“Ah!” Jonathan cries, moving lightning fast towards his camera and catching it before it hits the ground. His breath is labored from his fear. “What the hell! Be careful, asshole!”

Billy’s heart is racing too, fear flashing in his eyes as he watched the camera start to fall to the ground. He takes a second to collect himself.

“Cool. Good. I was just testing your reflexes.”

“Yeah, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re a clumsy piece of shit.”

“Hey.” Billy growls, reaching to grab for the camera again but Jonathan holds it away. “Keep that up and I break it for real.”

“Yeah yeah.” Jonathan says, completely unconvinced, flopping the camera strap around Billy’s neck and catching his head a bit.

“Hey, watch the hair!”

“Woops.” Jonathan mocks like a piece of shit and Billy’s gonna fight him just for being irritating. Jonathan steps back up against the wall once he’s satisfied that the strap is on properly.

“Alright, say cheese.”

“Cheese.” Jonathan mumbles and the flash goes off.

And the two of them work out every day!! And every week Billy pushes Jonathan to stand against the wall and takes some pictures, some with him flexing (I feel stupid, Yeah well you’ll feel less stupid once you’ve got something to flex, now shut up and stay still).

And Jonathan is sore. Like… all the time. El laughs about it when she tries to mess around with him and he winces in pain. Will is a little worried but it makes him giggle.

One day the two kids are sitting in the room, eating lunch and watching TV, when Billy decides it’s time to lift weights in the living room. And so they do. And Jonathan’s just lifting the bar and it’s difficult. And Billy likes to show off so he’s lifting a shitton and yelling at Jonathan to keep up and it’s hard and the kids start laughing.

Jonathan whines a bit, setting the bar down and asking Billy quietly if maybe they can do this later because…. Well… he’s embarrassed.

And that just won’t do. He’s not okay with that. Because he’s having Jonathan do this so that they can both be good examples for these kids and they’re laughing?

So Billy sets his weights down and walks in front of the kids and El glares him down bc he’s “in the way” and Will seems kind of nervous bc Billy has that glint in his eye and then-

“Ah! Wait! Billy!”

Billy scoops Will up and carries him over to Jonathan and shoves a squirming Will into Jonathan’s arms.

“Weight training.” Billy supplies by way of answer, and Jonathan is laughing bc Will is wriggling and he’s hard to hold like this but Billy’s too busy walking over to El who’s so busy cracking up over on the couch that she doesn’t notice Billy is currently headed towards her on a mission… until he picks her up and then she’s squealing and he turns to Jonathan with a: “Get to it!”

And Billy starts curling with El is his arms and she’s squealing and wriggling and all 4 of them are laughing and Hop is most definitely confused when he comes home in his break between shifts.

But progress is made! And one day Jonathan comes home from work to find Steve lazing around on the couch with Billy, the both of them in crop tops and short exercise shorts, and Jonathan knows this is nothing good. Because there’s a bag next to the couch and Jonathan thinks maybe he should just turn back around and try to hang out with Nancy or something because-

“Finally! We’ve been waiting around for you!” Billy calls out, rolling himself off the couch and picking up the bag and oh no.

“Hey Johnny!” Steve calls from the couch and Jonathan is supremely uncomfortable whenever Steve calls him that but he does it so often and he can’t think too much about it bc the bag is being shoved into his chest.

“Put these on.”

Jonathan peeks into the bag and closes it quickly.

“No.” Jonathan whines.

“Shut up just put them on.”

“Why?”

“Because you wear the same sweats every time we work out and they’re gross, now put them on.”

And now the kids are really laughing…. Like REALLY laughing…. Bc the the three boys are wearing crop tops and short exercise shorts as they work out in the living room and Billy took one of his hair ties and tied up Jonathan’s fringe so there’s a little tuft at the top of his head bc: “We’re doing burpees and your hair is gonna get in the way, dummy.”

And it’s just funny.

Jonathan can’t say he agrees. he also can't really laugh while he’s busy wheezing.

But he’s doing well! And he starts getting some muscle and he didn’t think it’d feel this good but like… gym doesn’t totally suck anymore. And he’s not as tired 24/7. And his body like… starts feeling good when he and Billy start to exercise. To the point that when they take a day off he feels bad... almost empty.

And Billy is so proud of him! And yeah, it’s not like Jonathan’s gonna try out for the basketball team or anything, but when guys try to push him around in the hallway now he’s surprisingly sturdy. He plants his feet and he’s practically a rock and guys are confused by it. When guys try to push him against fences they just can’t. People stop bothering him. They murmur about how “the freak got like… strong all of a sudden”

And Billy couldn’t be prouder. Really, he feels like he should do this professionally.

Although… Nancy is pretty confused when she walks into the dark room in search of her boyfriend (who is absolutely fed up with her nonsense of not listening to him when the light says to stay out) and she hugs him from behind and asks: “Uh… what’s that?”

Bc Jonathan is developing all the pictures they’ve taken and… well…

“Who took those?” She asks, grabbing for them no matter how much Jonathan protests that you’re gonna ruin them, be careful

“Uh… Billy took them.”

“Billy? Hargrove? Took pictures of you… shirtless? And flexing?”

Jonathan’s about to melt to the floor in embarrassment. Nancy is giggling.

“Did you guys take them for me, or what?”

Jonathan’s head is in his hands. He’s gonna die.

“Y’know how I told you we’ve been working out?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“He wanted pictures to... document the progress. He gets a power trip off of it or something.”

“Oh my god, Jonathan, are you wearing a crop top in this one?!”

Jonathan is absolutely going to die.