#and it really got to me when she was like 'it's just 5.99'

[fuck-customers]

Desert County Lob Jot person again. I just really have two customers that I had to get off my chest. First the Mattress Karen and then let me tell you about Moldy Spoon Lady.

This lady comes in constantly and tries to return things that she found laying around her house that she doesn't want anymore. Doesn't matter if it a) came from us b) was purchased in the last 30 days or even this year c) is damaged beyond saleability or d) is apparently covered in a thick, stinky layer of mold.

She walks up to the service desk and I've already had an issue with her where she told me not to ring up a box of cookies because she "forgot it yesterday so I already paid for it" and of course she had no receipt that time either. So got upset when I said unless I have proof of this like having management watch the security cameras, I have to charge her for it or she has to leave without it. Shocker: she didn't want the manager doing that.

So this time she has a reusable bag, and so I call out asking if she has a return. She says yes and ohmyGOD when she took her hand off the top rim of the bag and it starting opening...I almost had to run to the bathroom from the smell. It was beYOND foul. Inside the bag was a completely molded wooden cooking spoon. She thought all she had to say was "for some reason this spoon I got from you for $6.99 (I'm sorry...seven dollars for a spoon? In THIS place? Not possible) is completely covered in mold. I can't use it. I need to return it for $6.99". I immediately say we can't do that. I told her we can't take items that are not in resellable condition and she doesn't have the receipt or item tags, so I can't even look it up through her member card. I even tried and showed her my screen to demonstrate. I also informed her that wooden spoons shouldn't be left soaking in water in the sink because this is what happens. I didn't realize that wasn't common knowledge but I've been running into more and more people that didn't know wooden spoons are porous and absorb water still. So I just thought it was harmless advice in case she didn't know, but of course she was insulted.

"You know, I always have problems with you and I've NEVER had problems with anyone here" (she had problems with everyone here)

I tried to just say sorry but I can't take a spoon without proof it's even ours.

"You know, you're bad at your job. EVERYONE says your bad at your job."

Idk what possessed me but I gave a short laugh and said "no they didnt"

"Yes they did!!!" God, what are you, a toddler?

I knew she'd take it more seriously from a manager, so I call an assistant manager over the intercom.

"What if I find the spoon and come up with the bar code?"

I shrug and say "sure go do that". She walks off and when the assistant manager gets up to the desk I tell her the situation and she laughs when she hears who the customer is. She is a regular and a massive pain in the ass. Certifiable. She's been a problem here for a long time apparently and everyone dreads when they see her come in the door.

Moldy walks back up and not only does she have a sort of similar wooden spoon in one hand, she has a 10 pack of wooden spoons in the other. The single is $1.99, the pack was $5.99.

"I can take this $5.99 pack as an exchange for it and then you just give me the dollar back." She was ALREADY putting the pack in her fucking bag. I grabbed it before it could touch the moldy one still in the bag and said nope, she can't have those because we have no proof the original spoon cost $6.99. We definitely wouldn't price it that high.

I and the assistant manager both had the thought to say just take the $1.99 spoon this time but that if she doesn't have a receipt and it's damaged, we can't do anything next time.

Why does this particular chain have the most braindead, absolute lunatics for customers? I've been in retail for 15 years and have never seen people pull the things I've seen here. It's incredible what customers try to get away with here. And it's a BARGAIN OUTLET. We are literally cheaper than anything else around and people still try to get cheaper?

And if they can't get it cheap, they steal it. Whatever. The only theft that bothers me is when people open up food and eat a couple things out of it and put it back on the shelf. Because then that means I have to throw that food out. The amount of food items I constantly have to throw away because people opened them up or take a few bits out of it makes me so angry. Seen as how I've been overdrafting the past couple months I get that everyone is beyond poor now, but jfc do you have to make another poor person deal with your shit? I can't wait to be out of here. Besides the customers having soup for brains here, the past couple days have shown me the underbelly of the management side of things and I don't like it. Definitely won't be coming back.

Posted by admin Rodney

[taybatwo2]

Monster High IDW Comics Review: Part 2 of ?: Monster High Pride 2024 Issue (“Summer Fangout”)

This is taking forever for me to get out, but I had stopped in at my local comic book shop and picked up the single issue MH Pride when it first released.

This is the first release in the MH IDW run (the Free Comic Book Day is a preview to the actual series). It is 37 pages long (30 of actual story) and was 5.99. Mattel hired several people from the LGBTQIA+ community to work on the artwork of this comic too (a great addition). 

It has two stories “Summer Fangout” and “I Put a Spell on You.” I will explore the second short story in my next post.

“Summer Fangout” by Hannah Templer (she/her - has a HUGE comic art portfolio and a graphic novel series called Cosmoknights and her own website).

Art by Siobhan Keenan (she/her, also did the artwork in the FCBD issue and has a ton of GORGEOUS art on -Twitter- “x” and Instagram: @ siobhanchiffon).

Colored by Rebecca Nalty (she/her, also worked on the FCBD Issue, and has beautiful artwork on her own website and Instagram: @ sharkberri).

The front cover’s art was by Betsy Cola (she/her, she shows off her lovely art on Instagram: @ betsy.cola). I also kept reading her name as: Batsy Claro. Ha!

I like how they are wearing each other’s traditional claw-polish, the pride flag in the scratch in the background and the stenciled hearts. Toralei has a little lesbian pin (I would have thought she was bi-sexual due to dating Rocko and even going to prom with Jackson in the Monster High Website Prom’s Night In Scare-adise). I do really wish Toralei’s nose was colored in.

Both shorts had Kielamel Sibal as the letterer (she/her, her lovely artwork is on Instagram @ labis_lemaleik), Riley Farmer as the editor (she/her, I think, I can’t access her LinkedIn profile), and production/design done by Johanna Nattalie (she/her and has worked on a lot of IDW Sonic titles). All three had worked previously on the FCBD issue.

It is 20 pages long (double that of the second short story).

My comic book shop had 3 volumes when I got there (an hour after opening) and I bought the only Spelldon/Valentine cover Variant there (the artwork for all three variants are in the back of the issue -apparently there was a black and white IDW Exclusive done by Rose Bousamra and I especially like how Cleo and Clawdeen were drawn here).

I am curious as to how they were stocked at other comic book shops.

I am generally not a floppies collector, but I wanted to make an exception for MH G1’s pride comic (I assume it will be in the collected series, but it is a one shot and I wanted to support pride, AND get a good look at the official Spelldon). My Spelldon really wanted to compare himself with the official version…which I might do in another post because I think those kinds of things are fun.

Synopsis: “Summer Fangout” shows Clawdeen and Toralei trying to build a summer fangout for their ghouls; they meet two new ghouls to help them out, and gremlins get in the way of building it. All the while, Ghoulia is gaming and talking favorite characters with Kjersti.

My personal opinions/review of the comic is under the cut:

To try and prevent copyright infringement, I whited out the speech bubbles in this issue.

page 1:

“Summer Fangout” starts off with Clawdeen painting Toralei’s claws in the Wolf family backyard, which I could have sworn was said to be huge in other media (as they were always having HUGE family BBQ’s there), but here it is so crowded that the ghoulfriends are thinking about different ways to get away.   Lagoona is mentioned (so maybe she didn’t get “boiled alive” in “Once Bitten”), so is Purrsephone (not her sister though), and Cleo (who just redid their pool in solid gold but apparently didn’t want to invite all her ghoulfriends over to celebrate it -big missed opportunity for a pool party Cleo).

Their beverages are lemonade and….gingerbread cookies….oh…what a tasty combination. Clawdeen and Toralei look really pretty in the first panel (Toralei and Clawdeen’s nails are their traditional shades here, which is a shame, I would have liked them to have it switched like the alternate cover). Clawdeen continues to be gorgeous in the second and third panel too.

And Toralei looks perfect here:

But she is still looking a bit off….

Her nose! It’s too pointy!!!

They didn’t give Toralei her little cat nose! Even when it wasn’t colored in on the doll, she still had a little, blunt cat nose!!! 

Also, seeing Clawdeen’s siblings (and one mystery brother) is cute! Look at little Howleen just vibing and Clawdia chilling. 

The clawwwww. Their hands still look a bit off, and I’ve already mentioned in my FCBD post that this artist’s hands just look a bit off in these comics.

page 2:

Toralei complements her ghoulfriend on her maniclaw (ha!), the two ghouls complain that none of their friends have a secret base/lair, and they decide to make their own space out in the woods (away from other monsters) a “Purrfect Summer Fangout!”

Well, I’m pretty sure Cleo and Draculaura have huge homes that everyone can fangout in and the catacombs were usually the go-to place to find killer fangouts, but to the haunted woods we go!!

What if they had made this short comic all about camping instead…? Clawdeen would have had more experience camping with her Family/pack, Toralei could have bemoaned not having a great eye-coffin signal for a whole weekend! They could have butted heads about setting up camp (on every family camping trip I’ve been on this has been the case), or someone forgot something, they could get lost in the woods and Toralei could climb a tree to see where to go/Clawdeen could help track down some of her friends that also came along, Toralei could go fishing!!! Maybe they find a misunderstood monster in the woods?? They could have DESIGNED them new little CAMPING outfits…. *cries*

Human-nosed Toralei looks very lovely and has a very cat-like posture in the first panel that really captures her (but her spikes are missing in her jacket and her pointer finger still looks a bit off). I think Clawdeen looks good in all these panels, with the fourth being a standout due to her canines being actually visible outside of her lips. I think the artist captures Clawdeen pretty well (her wavy hair especially) but her nose still looks both too small and oddly straight and pointy.

Also, Toralei’s glove is not outlined in the last panel and her jacket’s spikes have the outline of her collar running through them.

Just my opinion, but I feel the paneling in this short jumps around instead of flowing well together. For example, on just this page, it starts off with Clawdeen kneeling down beside Toralei (cute), then the camera shifts behind Clawdeen and Toralei is holding a gingerbread cookie, next Clawdeen is standing up BEHIND Toralei, and the cookie is not shown again in any of the panels (like this one could have had Toralei holding up the cookie with a bite taken out of it and taking with her mouth full to just show some continuation), the next panel has Clawdeen back on the ground/in front of Toralei and hing her hands (cute, but this would have been less jumpy if she just would have stayed kneeling next to her ghoulfriend), and then in the final panel of the page, they are both standing up BUT THE FIRST PANEL of page 3 they are once again sitting together (with Clawd standing over them). It’s like they’re afraid of just having these characters sit (or stand) still and talk. That can still be intriguing!

page 3:

Clawd overhears the two ghouls getting excited about something. Toralei is excited to share their “secret lair,” while Clawdeen is more than happy to tell Clawd their “SECRET FANGOUT” is for fiends only, no brothers. Clawd mentions the woods are cursed, and one time his casketball went over their fence and climbed a tree on its own. Clawdeen is done hearing her brother talk and takes her ghoulfriend to get her dad’s toolbox and take her into the woods -to make out- to decorate. Clawd yells after them that he warned them.

I missed snarky Clawdeen so much. This is now my favorite drawing of Clawdeen in this whole comic. I can hear her Brooklyn accent seeping off the page!!

But Clawd, oh poor Clawd. I like seeing him appear and his facial expression is good in the first panel, but why is his nose so small and pointy in some of these panels?! Also, his hands look so stiff in the last panel…

I assume the artist was working off of pictures of his Forbitten Love doll, because he is missing his killer cheek bones he has in the animated show/movies and artwork.

Another couple of nitpicks…is their backyard connected to the woods because we already see glowing eyes in the third panel? Also, Clawd’s flashback of losing his casketball could be conveyed clearer to the reader (like lighter colors or any lines separating the speaker from the action) otherwise it looks like his casketball he just had in the crook of his arm in the first panel has also JUST ran up the tree too. Also in the fifth panel, Clawd’s right ear is intersected with the outline of his cap.

page 4:

Meanwhile Ghoulia and Kjersti are gaming together and talking about their favorite “Skulltimate Creep Fighters” characters (“Barb E. Rian” (HA) is Kjersti’s and “Nika Románcer” (whose name I don’t think has a doll pun to it, but it might have gone right over my head) is Ghoulia’s). Kjersti claims Barb is the best, even the pros know it, and the hits on her Barb fangfic solidify ”prove it.” She inadvertently dunks on how unpopular Ghoulia’s Nika fangfic is (and begrudgingly admits that it isn’t bad BUT Nika’s stats are still inferior).

Kjersti looks really cute in the fourth panel and really cute in her Chibi-fied sixth panel. Ghoulia looks nice in the first panel. Her and Ghoulia’s hands still look poorly traced (it really reminds me of G3’s original doll box artwork looking really off and the reason was Mattel took the early design work done by Anna Cattish -a really good artist- and either poorly traced it, or had another artist poorly copy it). Ghoulia’s hand outline is SUPER light blue in the fifth panel (maybe to show that is being lit up, but it’s not seen anywhere else). However, I am missing Ghoulia’s sunken in cheek, and Kjersti’s more rounded features/HUGE ears in this art style. They all kinda have the same face shape (including noses, eyes and lips).

Something a bit distracting was Kjersti insisting that Barb has the best stats was partially due to her Rotpad fic has more attention, and I don’t think that’s how game was“STATS” work. I feel like Kjersti should have just been talking about how Barb is best because all the pros agree she has the best stats AND her fangfic get the most hits on Rotpad. Then she shows off how well her fangfic is doing. Then Kjersti could say: Niki isn’t well liked, because she only has a few fics with only a few hits -THEN she can notice that Ghoulia’s handle wrote most of those and apologizes for putting her foot in her mouth - OR Ghoulia sees that Niki doesn’t have many fangfics and decides to start writing some/challenges Kjersti to a fangfic writing competition…? Either way, this could be a learning opportunity that even smaller character have their own fans too, fitting for Monster High and their myriad of characters. This is a good time to bring up the HEAVY USE of puns in this. It’s not unusually for G1 MH, but a bit of them in this comic are a bit forced or miss the mark: “Skulltimate Creep Fighter….?” Eh. How about “Skulltimate Street Biter??” “Spider-Hammock” is fine, but what about “web-hammock?” “Rotpad” instead of “Watpad,” “Fangfiction” instead of “Fanfiction” and “Howlware store” instead of “Hardware Store” are all good though.

page 5:

Kjersti still claims that Barb is the “beast” due to her numbers and “claw-culations,” and that’s she’s still beating Ghoulia. Ghoulia is saddened by Kjersti being dismissive of her feelings, again, and says it’s on (oh, Ghoulia still speaks in moans and groans in this and, oh how I’ve missed it). Also, Ghoulia sits like “L” from Death Note when she games (which is cute) and has posters/figurines all over her wall of this new character and Deadfast (yesssss). 

Looking at the last panel on this page, you can kinda see more of Barb’s design and see that the reason she has some odd looking legs in page 4 is due to her pants being incorrectly colored to look like skin.

page 6:

The Ghoulfriends come across a clearing and start putting decorations up, but Clawdeen is annoyed how Toralei doesn’t stick with a project/is moving too fast and her stuff is starting to go missing.

The top panel has a lot of nice energy to it. Clawdeen’s expression in the last panel is good (I kinda wish the whole “gremlin” was not yet shown, and maybe we see just a sneak peak of a foot or claw reaching into the tool box). Toralei looks really nice in most of these panels too and Clawdeen’s nose looks more accurate in the first, fourth and fifth panels (wahoo), but her right ears are placed a bit too far on her head on the first and third panel. Her teeth are partially colored red in the fourth panel, and her ear is drawn through her left gold hoops in the fifth panel.

Clawdeen calls Toralei “kitten” and that is so cute.

page 7:

Clawdeen is concerned about the missing tools, while Toralei tells her she probably just misplaced it (even if they haven’t used it yet), and Toralei keeps jumping from project to project while Clawdeen gets stuck moving the rock by herself, stuck in the “spider-hammock” and getting frustrated, but Toralei doesn’t seem to notice or hear her. Toralei ends the page by telling Clawdeen not to stand around. I liked that Toralei called Clawdeen “poochie and climbed the tree with the lights stuck in her mouth (that’s very on brand for her). Toralei’a and Clawdeen expressions were pretty good on this page, but Clawdeen in panel five had a very low right ear, super pointed nose and weird hand. In panel three, above Clawdeen’s left ear, it should be colored dark green as it’s the rest of the forest, not another rock.

page 8:

Okay. By a writing standpoint, this page is kinda confusing, so I’m going to do a panel, by panel breakdown to see if this makes sense to anyone else. Toralei asks Clawdeen where their stuff is at and Clawdeen asks her the same thing and that’s she’s been running around “like a freshblood at fearleading tryouts.” (Toralei, your ghoulfriend has been asking you were her tools are this whole time, and Clawdeen, Toralei went everywhere but the tools- this exchange would have worked better if the tools were already out of the toolbox before they went missing). Toralei answers that her “creativity can’t be tamed”and if Clawdeen wasn’t hung up on every little detail they’d be farther along. (Clawdeen didn’t mention anything about creativity, and wasn’t slowed down by focusing on something for too long, she was busy finishing Toralei’s projects and looking for her tools). Clawdeen says she thinks aesthetics are really important too (WHAT AESTHETICS?!?) and Toralei responds that she has learned the only way to get things done is to do things herself (????? But she hasn’t done everything herself, Clawdeen put the other side of the “spider-hammock” up, moved your rock for you and was trying to get you a hammer and some rope for the lights).

Toralei trips? Falls?? I THINK is startled by the parasoul opening up and falls to the ground (understandable cat reaction it’s just not the clearest here). Clawdeen asks (before Toralei falls) how that was going for her (this one makes more sense because things are falling apart so far). Suddenly Clawdeen looks apologetic and kneels down to Toralei. She tells Toralei that she thought couples were supposed to be good at these things and they should be able to work together. Torelai angrily spats that they are working together Clawdeen just needs TO KEEP UP (the mood shift is really sudden and I think this is what should have been the focus on this page because this was the actual issue they were having as a couple: how to work together!! Like maybe Toralei should have said Clawdeen’s line and Clawdeen should have said Toralei needs to wait until they’re done working on something before moving on, otherwise she gets overwhelmed. Because the next panel would have flowed better into that!).

Clawdeen and Toralei stand up and look at the empty toolbox and Toralei (whose mouth is CLOSED - it looks like Clawdeen should have been speaking since her mouth is parted and why did they put the speech bubble covering them both up! They could have moved it over so Clawdeen is speaking, and you can actually see these ghouls closeness) says that they need to get more tools if they want to get anything done (I guess neither apologize to each other for their earlier outbursts, and Clawdeen is going to ignore the fact that Toralei is putting the blame on Clawdeen for not keeping up).

Clawdeen pulls Toralei to the Howlware store to get more tools and maybe get someone to help them get organized (organization might be part of the problem, but I don’t think a Howlware employee is going to help walk you guys through learning to listen to what the other person needs and teach you to slow down if your partner is getting left behind).

I also thought Clawdeen was more of a go-getter/self starter and Toralei was a stand-back and work on the most entertaining/fun parts of a project. Besides those critiques, these are all great panels of Clawdeen, and Toralei looks good in the sixth panel. I like that they mention they ARE a couple, Clawdeen and Toralei holding each other’s hands is really sweet and I love them standing together in the sixth panel. The spider-hammock is continually something that Clawdeen is messing with in panels 1-3, and that’s a nice sense of continuity. Toralei’s ear is lightly over colored in the third panel and grey was randomly added to her right ear in the fourth panel. The parasoul looks like it has a bit of the top of Clawdeen’s right ear drawn on it.

WHY?!?!

page 9:

Cut back to Ghoulia and Kjersti (Kjersti has her large ears again - yay). Kjersti (I guess can sense) Ghoulia has been writing more fics for her character and Kjersti can’t help but brag about how much better her brand boo fangfic is doing (that has a Barb Vs Nika angle…I mean…I think Kjersti is pulling in the readers who want the enemies to lovers for this pairing, but that’s just me). I assume they are taking this angle because she’s soft core “trolling” Ghoulia. Ghoulia throws her iCoffin over her shoulder (I would have just hung up on her), uploads her newest chapter to her fangfic and stomps out of her room.

But again, this just seems so odd? If they were having a fangfic writing competition (like I mentioned on their last appearance) it would make more sense to me why they are suddenly so interested in the fangfic side of their favorite characters, and why Kjersti would be bragging about it…or soft-core trolling Ghoulia. OR what if she still didn’t know that Ghoulia had written the few fangfics for Nika and decided to write more of a smear fic about Nika (to prove to Ghoulia that not many people like Nika). Then she brags to Ghoulia about doing huge numbers on this smear fic is. Ghoulia still hangs up on her, posts her Nika fangfic and storms off as fast as her Zombie legs will let he, to go dish to Cleo.

I like seeing more of Ghoulia’s room, I like the detail on Kjersti’s hat, seeing her large ears, and Ghoulia’s facial expressions. Nitpicks: In the fifth panel, half of Kjersti’s glasses were flipped to make the other side (that’s why their perspective is off). In the third panel, the writing on Ghoulia’s iCoffin does not lay correctly on the perspective of her phone. In the first panel, the stand that holds the monitor also should have had another line on its left side to make its perspective match the monitor’s and keyboards.

Why would you want to make Ghoulia sad…or angry?? She is smart enough to hack into a space laser or nuclear facility and aim it at your house.

Well, we are about half way through the first short comic in the Pride issue and I’ve maxed out my picture capacity. Hopefully I’ll have the second one out shortly…gosh I really hope so, I want to work on something else (Toralei’s work ethic is very relatable to me!!!).

But what were your guys’ thoughts? Did you like it more than me so far? Less?? Did I misinterpret the message and the relationships?? Am I wrong about the artwork and pacing?? Do you agree? Have any favorite panels?? Let me know your thoughts. :) 

[kpoptarotvibes]

Omg thank god someone else agrees! It's like a weird generic wedding invitation. It's giving the hotel stationary thats in your room at a bougie hotel. The design might've made sense for like a Christmas album? Taehyungs future jazz album? It would've still been basic as hell, but at least been slightly on theme. But for JK? Edgy, cool, idgaf JK??? What what what were they thinking? How does this go with Seven or 3D or literally anything Jungkook coded? My sister is a professional graphic designer and she was repulsed.

OMG! I thought it was just me.

Yo I'm really angry right now over this cause. WTF!

You got this basic Etsy wedding invitation for 12.99 going on. And THE Big Hit been making millions off our backs and all a sudden your graphic designer is gone.

How is JK supposed to be this big Pop Star but only get a simple design you can buy off of Creative Market for 5.99. Like, come on.

I'm with you how is Seven and 3D JK coded and when you get to the album you just give him any old thing. Man... I want to sue on JK behalf. LOL!

Omg I wish I was at that meeting because as soon as they put that PowerPoint up. I would have said no ma'am take this back.

[ricoka]

YouTube can be fun but sometimes it also makes you want to throw your tv out the window

[zukoskataraa]

a request from @slytherclawvalkyrie that i got a while back. thanks for the request, and sorry it took so long! hope you guys like it!

prompt #35: “do you regret it?”

“Oh my god, Sokka’s gonna freak once he finds out.” Katara says to Zuko as they walk out of the shop.

“If he finds out. But I doubt he will.” Zuko says, taking Katara’s hand in his, reassuring her. “Plus, it’s not like he can make you undo it.”

“I know, but still. I just know he’s gonna rampage when he knows.” Katara says, biting her lip.

“I know what’ll cheer you up. Wanna get some ice cream?” Zuko says, giving Katara’s hand a quick squeeze. Katara looks up at Zuko and smiles, nodding. Zuko smiles. “Alright, let’s go.”

They walk in a comfortable silence to Katara’s favorite ice cream parlor, which was a block away. They walk into the pastel-colored shop, the cold breeze and the sweet smell greeting them once they enter. They walk to the counter, and the cashier smiles and greets them.

“Good afternoon. What would you like?” She greets the couple. Katara looks at the ice cream they have on display beside the counter, humming.

“I’ll have the mint chocolate chip ice cream with kitkat. 2 scoops, please.” Zuko says and the cashier nods.

“Of course, sir. And for you, miss?” She asks, looking at Katara.

“Bubblegum, please. 2 scoops as well, with marshmallows.” Katara says and the cashier nods.

“That’ll be $5.99.” The cashier says. Zuko takes his wallet out of his back pocket and hands the cashier a ten.

“You can keep the change.” Zuko says, smiling. The cashier smiles.

“Thank you, sir. Your order will be served in a few minutes.” They walk towards a table and sit down across each other, Katara still distracted.

“Hey.” Zuko says, putting his hands over hers on the table. Katara looks at him and smiles.

“Hi. Sorry. I was thinking about something.” She says. Zuko raises an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? What?” Zuko asks, intrigued.

“I still can’t believe we got matching tattoos.” Katara says, looking at her right wrist. The tattoo was still there, her skin slightly red and wrist covered in plastic.

“It hasn’t even been an hour yet, huh.” Zuko says, looking at his left wrist, where his tattoo was located.

“It seems so cheesy.” Katara says, giggling.

“The matching thing? Probably. But, it’s too late now.” Zuko says, chuckling.

“Yeah. It is.”

“Do you regret it?” Zuko asks. Katara looks at him and shakes her head.

“No, of course not. It’s really cute. I just never would have thought that we’d actually do it. And the fact that the idea came from you.” Katara gently pokes Zuko’s shoulder, smiling.

“You know, now that we have matching tattoos, we’re practically married now.” Zuko teases and Katara laughs.

“You’re stuck with me now. You better not regret it.” Katara says, and Zuko gives Katara’s hands a gentle squeeze, his brown eyes looking into her blue ones.

“I haven’t regretted anything ever since we started dating.” Zuko says in a soft voice, making Katara blush.

“I have a question.” Katara says, biting her lip. Zuko lets go of Katara’s hand, making Katara furrow her brows.

“Good afternoon. Here are your orders.” The waiter carefully sets down their bowls onto the table, where Zuko’s arm had been. “Enjoy.”

“Thank you.” Katara and Zuko say in unison. Before Zuko can grab his bowl, Katara stops him.

“Wait! I gotta take pics for insta.” Katara says as she takes her phone out from her purse. Zuko rolls his eyes and smiles.

“Okay, go ahead.” Zuko says, looking away. Katara snaps a few pics of the ice cream, then snaps a few pics of Zuko, unbeknownst to him.

“Here, take some pics of me.” Katara says, handing him her phone. Zuko does as he’s told, and Katara poses, smiling brightly in each one.

“Okay, here. Now, can I eat?” Zuko asks after a few pics and Katara nods. “Finally.” Zuko grabs his bowl and a spoon, then takes a bite. Katara snaps a pic of him, smiling. She puts away her phone and eats her ice cream.

“Oh my gosh, I swear this is the best.” Katara says, humming. Zuko nods in agreement.

“Didn’t you have a question?” Zuko asks.

“Oh, yeah.” Katara says, grabbing a tissue and wiping her hands. “How come my tattoo is the moon and yours is the sun? Is there some poetic meaning?” Zuko blushes.

“Uh, no not really. It’s just that you’re a night owl, hence the moon. And I’m more of a day-person. So, a sun. Also like, we balance each other out, if you know what I mean? Like, your optimistic and happy and outgoing, while I’m the opposite of that. And we all know that opposites attract. So, yeah. I don’t know, that’s just what I thought when I was thinking of matching tattoos. You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun. Something like that, ya know?” Zuko says, blushing the whole time. Katara smiles, heart bursting.

“That is so cute.” Katara says, looking at Zuko. She was so lucky to have him in her life.

“I-I mean, it was a thought I had while drinking, so, I wouldn’t really say it’s cute.” Zuko says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Something he did when he was nervous or embarrassed.

“It’s a really cute thought, Zuko. I’m glad we got matching tattoos.” Katara says, placing a hand on top of Zuko’s free one. Zuko blushes.

“It’s not a big deal. Anyway, we should finish our ice cream before it melts.” Zuko says chuckling and Katara giggles.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Katara says. They finish their ice cream in a comfortable silence, listening to the pop tunes coming from the store’s speakers.

“You ready to head out?” Zuko asks a few minutes after they both finish their ice cream. Katara nods, as she finishes retouching her lipstick, putting it away. She stands up and Zuko follows. They walk out of the store hand in hand, the evening breeze greeting them, the sun setting in the background.

“Wanna stop by Mcdonald’s to get some dinner? Or for midnight snacks? Because I’m kinda full because of the ice cream.” Zuko says and Katara giggles.

“Sure, let’s stop by. But, I’m paying this time.” Katara says, her voice stern. Zuko nods. “Thanks for today. Who knew that you could be such a romantic.” Katara teases as she gently nudges Zuko as they walk.

“Kataraaa.” Zuko whines, and Katara laughs, gently squeezing Zuko’s hand.

“I love you, Zuko.” Katara says, her voice sincere.

“I love you too, Katara.”

-

masterlist

ps: thank you for 2,000 followers guys!!! thanks for the support. i never thought i’d make it to 2k, but here i am. anyway, stay safe and take care always, everyone!

[bebepac]

Fireworks

I am participating in @wackydrabbles prompt # 48 “Maybe it was confusing, but it’s wasn’t like anyone really cared, will appear in bold. 

This is chapter 3 of Pop’s Place.  To see what you’ve been missing so far, Please click here: Pop's Place Masterlist

Summary:  Mia and Daniel take a day trip to Wrightsville Beach to hang out on Hana’s boat with Maxwell, Leo, Liam, Penelope, Drake and Olivia. 

Warnings:  Profanity,  underage drinking, Olivia being an ass.  Mia pulls out some ginger jokes for Olivia. 

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Word Count: 1286

Song inspiration for this chapter  In This Diary by The Ataris

https://youtu.be/0SbxNQYblY0

I don’t own rights to the music.

Tagging: @queenjilian @burnsoslow @loveellamae @bbrandy2002 @dcbbw​@nomadics-stuff @kimmiedoo5 @cordonianroyalty @cordonia-gothqueen @lodberg @glaimtruelovealways @custaroonie @texaskitten30 @janezillow @atha68 @my0123456789universe @indiacater @losingbraincellseveryday @furiousherringoperatortoad @marietrinmimi  @xpandabeardontcarex @thanialis @hopefulmoonobject @sevenfuckslefttogive @ac27dj @queen-arabella-of-cordonia  @yukinagato2012 @mrsdrakewalkerblog @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @islandcrow @axwalker @sanchita012 @queenwalton  @gabesmommie1130 @mom2000aggie @gibbles82 @ramseysno1rookie @lovablegranny @nikkis1983 @marshmallowsandfire @hopelessromanticmonie  @storylineofnothing @katedrakeohd @coolpsychicempathhumanoid @cordoniaqueensworld​ @aestheticartwriting​ @batgirlassociationofgothamcity​ @thatdoctorownsme​ @seriallover99 @choicesficwriterscreations​

“No biggie, we’re just going to be on a boat at Wrightsville Beach with the rich kids from Prestonwoods. This is totally our life now thanks to you Mia.  Best summer Ever.”

“Summer has only just begun, Daniel!"  Mia said.

She was pulling the convertible top up on her car, when she heard a whistle.

She glanced back seeing a Black SUV pull up next to them.

Of course, it was Leo being absolutely obnoxious.

He jumped out of the car, grabbing Mia in a bear hug.  “Mama Mia Dancing Queen, what up girl?!?!?!”

“Hey Leo.”  Mia smiled at him.  

“What’s in the coolers?”   He pointed to Mia and Daniel’s matching pink coolers.

“Sammiches. What’s your contribution to this boat trip?”

“We brought the liquors.”  She watched as Leo spun a bottle in his hand, then went a  little over ambitious with it and the bottle slipped from his hand hitting the ground and breaking.

Mia jumped back just in time.

Liam, Drake, and Maxwell walked around the SUV.  

Leo was still staring at the ground in shock.

Drake laughed.  

“I don’t know what just happened.” He said with a dumbfounded look on his face.

Maybe it was confusing, but it wasn’t like anyone really cared.

“What did you do?!?!?!?!?!” Maxwell screamed.

Okay scratch that.  Maxwell cared.  

Liam shrugged his shoulders.  “We have 5 more… so… I think we’re good.”

Drake walked over to Mia, taking her cooler before anyone else had a chance.

“I got that for you.”  He said with a smile.  

“Thanks.”

“Have you guys been over here before?” Maxwell inquired.

“To the beach yes, but not this side.”

“Hana’s family has a house at the beach.  So we have to walk to her private  access gate.”

“Oh okay.”

As they walked over to the private access gate,  Drake took Mia’s hand, while they walked.   Daniel gave her a thumbs up sign.  

There was really a man dressed in a suit holding a sign that said “Guests of Hana Lee.”

As soon as they got on the yacht, not so much a boat,  Hana grabbed  Mia by one hand and Daniel by the other.  “You have got to see these!  I know you will love them!”  She was showing Mia and Daniel her new designs.

Last to arrive were Olivia, and Penelope.  

She noticed as soon as Penelope got onto the boat, both of them were wearing the same swimsuit.  

Of course Olivia noticed right away.  

“Isn’t that hilarious, Penelope,  you’re twinning with the new girl.”   She looked Mia over.  “I’m surprised that swim suit actually came in your size.”

“Liv cut it out.”  Liam looked at her annoyed.

“Why are you defending her Liam? That’s Drake’s job.  Are you gunning for Drake’s job?”

“Olivia, not everyone wears a size Bitch like you do.  Mia and Penny look great in their bathing suits.”  

“Old Navy rocks!”  Penny said to Mia, giving her a high five.  Maybe Penny wasn’t so bad.  “Liv thought I spent $100 on her birthday gift.  $5.99 at Old Navy.”  Penny whispered.

Okay Penny was not bad at all.  

Leo made everyone drinks, that were about 90% alcohol with a splash of the mixer.  

“No thanks,” Mia said when he went to hand her a red solo cup.  

“You’re breaking my heart girl!!!”  Leo had a sad look on his face.  

“I am not much of a drinker, sorry Leo.”

Liam had planned for this. He had noticed Mia didn’t drink at the pool party either.  “Mia, come over here, I have some waters, sodas, and apple juice.”  

He flipped open their big charcoal gray yeti cooler.  

“What would you like?”

Mia gasped.  “I love this apple juice in the glass bottles.”

“So do I,  you mean to tell me you have something in common with Richie Rich?”

Mia laughed.  “Can you let that go already? It was bound to happen I guess wasn’t it?”  He got one handing it to her, and then himself one.  

“You’re not drinking either?”

“I don’t have to drink to have a good time.  It’s the company.  Cheers.”  

She clinked her bottle against his.  

She walked back over to Drake.  

“Don't let Liam fool you, he drew the short straw, he's DD tonight.”  

“That makes sense.”  

“Your friends are fun, well minus Olivia.  Next time let’s just be us. Okay?  I want to get to know  you better, without all this going on.”

“I promise Mia.”   Mia kissed him.  

“Get a room.”  Leo exclaimed.

"Why you mad bro?"

“So weird to see Drake with a girlfriend isn’t it Liam?”  Olivia said intently staring at him. “You really should work on hiding your jealousy better. It’s all over your face.” she whispered to him.

Finally it was time to eat before they took the jet skis out on the water.  Everyone put  their combined  items on the table.

Pops had let Mia go to the restaurant and make sandwiches with hoagie rolls, and her and Daniel had made nice sandwiches for everyone.

Olivia sneered.  “Ugh sandwiches, isn’t that like poor people's food?”

“I’m so sorry Olivia.”

“Whaaat?” Maxwell inquired.

“Mia’s about to get that ass!”  Liam whispered to Leo and Drake.

“If I would have known you were going to be here Olivia, I would have packed you a soul to eat.  But as you can tell, I’m fresh out. So I guess it’s poor people's food, or your soulless ass is going to starve. You decide, because I'm tired of playing around with you. You got one more time.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Everyone laughed.  

But she noticed Olivia shut her damn mouth and ate a whole sandwich.  

“Why are we doing this again Drake?”  she was bobbing into the water next to the jet ski.  He pulled her on behind him.  

“I’ll tell you exactly what it is, you two are both alpha females and neither of you back down from a challenge.”

“So you better win Drake. No pressure.”

“We all have our parts to play.”

She glanced to her right seeing Liam and Olivia on the jet ski next to them.

“You know they dated right?”

“Not a surprise at all.”  

"Hold on tight."

"So to the buoy and back first one back gets bragging rights for the rest of the day. In 3…..2…..1…."

Before Leo said go Liam took off spraying them with water.  

Drake took off behind him. Mia screamed in delight holding tight to Drake.  By the halfway point around the buoy they got there at the same time. Olivia scowled at them. On the way back Drake saw his opportunity to take the lead. They headed for a huge wave Liam was avoiding. Mia saw it at the same time.

"Oh my God!" She screamed bloody murder while the jet ski went airborne for a few seconds.  Landing in a splash a few meters in front of Liam and Olivia claiming the win.

Back on the yacht "Bragging rights to Drake and Mia!" Leo screamed."Liam… you fumbled at the one yard line."

When night fell, she could tell Hana was super excited.

"What is it?" Mia and Daniel asked.

"My dad has a fireworks display planned for us that should be starting right about…. "

Everyone looked up hearing the crackle of the fireworks, as the display began. Mia immediately found Drake to sit by his side. He put his arm around her. She snuggled closer to him.

She noticed Liam watching them. Drake saw too but neither of them cared,  as he pulled her closer to him kissing her.

The way Mia felt as he kissed her, under those fireworks, took Mia's breath away.  Maybe Mia really did want a boyfriend, and maybe….that guy was Drake.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1316

Monday, March 8, 2021

 Coming up on a year since the pandemic started. I hope you're all healthy and safe. I am hopeful that vaccines will be deployed widely and help us all feel less anxious. I am fortunate enough to be one of those people who is happy as a bug snug in a rug while self isolating. I do really miss my dear friends and family but hugs can wait until we're all vaccinated.

 My thanks to Doug for lending me these comic books to read.

 Batman Annual #5 - James Tynion IV (writer) James Stokoe (art) Clayton Cowles (letters). It's the origin of Clownhunter and it's not very original. If I had to pay $4.99 US I would have passed on this and lived with leaving a hole in my Batman collection. If you're not familiar with this new vigilante, he's an Asian teenager named Bao who decides he's going to kill the Joker and all of the villain's sycophants. The reason he becomes Clownhunter (and killer) is very mundane. I wish they could have come up with a new motivator. Maybe the philosophical discussion about what to do about the Joker might interest some fans but I found this story quite tedious. I also didn't like the way Bao and his parents were portrayed. Did they really have an Asian saying "Ah, so"? Yes they did on page 8. Shades of Charlie Chan, Batman. I was not offended, just disappointed.

 Batman/Catwoman #3 - Tom King (writer) Clay Mann (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I was thrilled to see the town of Port Orange, Florida mentioned on the first page. My pal Al lives there. It's also where Selina finally catches up with the Joker and does what Batman never did. I love this Black Label book taking familiar characters and treating them in a new and interesting way. Here's a future where Selina has survived her husband Bruce's death and their daughter Helena is the new Batwoman. Now I wait to see how mother and daughter deal with the Angel of Death.

 And now, more Future State books.

 Future State: Robin Eternal #2 - Meghan Fitzmartin (writer) Eddy Barrows (pencils) Eber Ferreira (inks) Adriano Lucas (colours) Pat Brosseau (letters). The consequence of Tim Drake/Robin being dunked in Lazarus resin is that now he's immortal. Whoop-dee-doo. Not only is this a boring Robin beats up bad guys issue but the art lacked any logical perspective. This issue takes place on a train but you would think it's in a huge building based on the art. I know it's comic books but I hate when one doesn't make visual sense. I think that's just laziness.

 Future State: Kara Zor-El Superwoman #1 & #2 - Marguerite Bennett (writer) Marguerite Sauvage (art) Wes Abbott (letters). This 2-issue fairy tale was not meant for old farts like me and Doug. With it's soft pastel colours these books should have included glitter and bubblegum flavoured lip gloss. Maybe young tween girls will like this. The moral of this story is "no one is born wise".

 Future State: Dark Detective #3 - Mariko Tamaki (writer) Dan Mora (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Aditya Bidikar (letters). There are not one but two Batmans in this issue. You've got Bruce in his new capeless costume but here he's wearing a trench coat to give that fluttering effect, and then there's the new guy in the Bat suit, cape and all. The "uh-oh" point of the story hits here when the bad guys discover where Bruce is hiding out. The Matthew Rosenberg (writer) Carmine Di Giandomenico (art) Antonio Fabela (colours) & AndWorld Design (letters) Grifter story concludes here too with a double cross and a whole lot more of Helena/Huntress. This is my favourite Future State book so far.

 Future State: Superman of Metropolis #1 & #2 - Sean Lewis (writer) John Timms (art) Gabe Eltaeb (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). If you're wondering how a grown up Jonathan Kent takes over for his dad as Metropolis's protector then these two $5.99 US books will satisfy your curiosity. The villain of the story is an evolved Brainiac who is a big multi-mouthed ball now. Metropolis is shrunk ala the bottle city of Kandor, the citizens go nuts but Jon returns things back to normal in the end with the help of Kara/Supergirl. I don't know why Kara's a girl in this story and a woman elsewhere. Each issue has two back-ups so you get your money's worth. One features Mister Miracle and the other the Guardian. They are both dealing with bad things inside the bottled Metropolis. You won't miss much if you don't read them. The Mister Miracle story "The Metropolis Menagerie" is done my Brandon Easton (writer) Valentine De Landro (art) Marissa Louise (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). The Guardian story is brought to you by Sean Lewis (writer) Cully Hamner & Michael Avon Oeming (art) Laura Martin (colours) AndWorld Design (letters). This one got me excited because a villain wants to throw Jimmy Olsen off of the Daily Planet building.

 Future State: Catwoman #2 - Ram V (writer) Otto Schmidt (art) Tom Napolitano (letters). Read this to find out if Catwoman saves the lives of the people on the train. You will also find out if Bruce is freed from the bad guys. Talia Al-Ghul appearing is the deus ex machina in this story. I like the new Cheshire and Onomatopoeia is always fun.

 Future State: Superman: Worlds of War #2 - Phillip Kennedy Johnson (writer) Mikel Janin (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) & Dave Sharpe (letters). In "The Many Deaths of Superman" the Man of Steel fights in the arena of Warworld where Mongul resurrects him after every death match. It's the typical brutal battle scenes and super villain gloating. What's more compelling is an old newspaper story that Clark Kent wrote that inspired a young woman who travels to Smallville. I was totally confused by the three back-up stories featuring Mister Miracle, Midnighter and the Black Racer because they were not very good. I am a completist and have to finish what I start. I could have stopped reading after the $3.99 US main story in this bloated $7.99 US comic book  but my obsessive compulsive nature wouldn't let me. It's a character flaw I wish I could change.

 Future State: The Next Batman #1 - John Ridley (writer) Nick Derington (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). All the teasers for this book hyped the fact that this Batman is black. You won't get the secret identity in this first issue but there are a bunch of likely candidates. Lucas Fox is a possibility but it's confusing because he's a bad guy in another Future State book. This is another $7.99 US book with back-ups. These are more coherent than the ones in Future State: Superman: Worlds of War.

Future State: Outsiders by Brandon Thomas (writer) Sumit Kumar (pencils) Sumit Kumar & Raul Fernandez (inks) Jordie Bellaire (colours) & Steve Wands (letters) gathers together some old Batman associates helping Gotham City citizens escape persecution by the Magistrates outside Gotham City's borders. Get it? It was nice seeing Katana in action.

Future State: Arkham Knights by Paul Jenkins (writer) Jack Herbert (art) Gabe Eltaeb (colours) & Rob Leigh (letters) gathers together some of Batman's rogues gallery to fight the oppressive Magistrate. Two-Face, Mr. Zsasz, Dr. Phosphorus, Killer Croc and other ex-inmates of Arkham Asylum are being lead by an armoured Astrid Arkham. It's super villains being super heroes.

 Future State: The Next Batman #2 - John Ridley (writer) Nick Derington (breakdowns) Laura Braga (art) Arif Prianto (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). We learn the secret identity of the new caped Batman in this issue. It's Lucas Fox's brother. He has a brother? This also has three new back-up stories.

"Batgirls" is by Vita Ayala (writer) Aneke (art) Trish Mulvihill (colours) & Becca Carey (letters). Batgirl/Orphan Cassandra Cain gets locked up in the Magistrate Detention Facility where both good guys/white hats and bad guys/black coats are incarcerated. She got caught on purpose because her mission is to find Oracle and Batman and free them. She gets help from Spoiler who is queen of the inmates. In this reality Cass is way more articulate than she used to be. I didn't like that. I also didn't like that in the other Future State stories the Magistrate foot soldiers have a shoot to kill order for any masks that they encounter. Why are all of these masks alive? Anyways, this part ends with the white hats and black coats forming an alliance so Cass can get on with her mission.

"Gotham City Sirens: Ladies' Night Out" is by Paula Sevenbergen (writer) Rob Haynes (breakdowns) Emanuela Lupacchino (pencils) Wade von Grawbadger (inks) John Kalisz (colours) Becca Carey (letters). Catwoman and Poison Ivy spring a domestic droid named Dee Dee (get it?) from servitude and they have a night on the town at a bar. The bar is run by Sam Bradley and both super heroes and villains can imbibe in peace. Fans of Sex and the City may like this. Not a lot of drama until the last page when the joint is raided by Magistrate goons and major characters are shot.

 Future State: The Next Batman #3 - John Ridley (writer) Nick Derington (breakdowns) Laura Braga (art) Arif Prianto (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). This is the "uh-oh" moment in the story where the hero is felled by the villain. A wounded Batman is attacked by the murderer he's trying to bring to justice. I saw that coming.

I like the change with Black Lightning in the Outsiders back-up.

I like the art in the Arkham Knights back-up even though the dialogue is eye roll inducing.

 Future State: The Next Batman #4 - Jace/Batman lives, as if that was in any doubt. This story would have been a lot more interesting if Bruce/Batman was really dead. Even if the Future State line of comics dies out this Next Batman is a cop out. The Batgirls story ends with Cassandra/Orphan saving Barbara/Oracle and the Resistance gaining ground on the Magistrates. The Gotham City Sirens story ends with Catwoman and Poison Ivy helping the Resistance get an advantage in their war with the Cybers thanks to Dee Dee.

 I admit that I was sucked in by the hype for this mini. The Next Batman being black intrigued me. The story itself was meh and I would not have missed anything by not reading it. I was not engaged as a mature reader but I think someone in their teens might like all the stories in these four issues.

[lovelyirony]

have you seen that prompt that's like... Person A is bleeding out and calls up Person B to have a normal conversation with them while they've still got time? That, but NatSharon, and possibly lass angsty because I'm weak

Natasha’s not sure what kind of time she has. But today is the second Friday of the month, which means it’s $5.99 burgers at Sharon’s favorite restaurant. 

(This is also Sharon’s favorite day on earth.) 

So Natasha can’t really ruin it, even if there’s a bullet that probably (definitely) damaged her shoulder quite seriously and another bullet in the thigh. 

“Hi baby,” Sharon says, giddy. “I’m sorry that you can’t make it to burger day.” 

“Me too,” Natasha rasps. 

“Is everything alright? You sound...off.” 

“Just a lot of stairs, you know they are,” Natasha says, a smile carving its way to her face. “What burger are you thinking about getting today?” 

“Well I brought Bruce with me and he’s never been here before so we’re trying the veggie burger and the one that you tried with guacamole on it. “

“Good choice dear,” Natasha says. “What else are you doing today?” 

“Just waiting for you,” Sharon responds. “You know that I’ve missed you. Tell me that the bad guys are taken care of?” 

“Nearly,” Natasha says. 

(She’s already pushed the emergency icon for Iron Man and she’s hoping they can even transfer her. 

Natasha doesn’t like the thought of dying on cold concrete.) 

“Come home, okay?” Sharon asks, voice going softer. “I miss my Nat.” 

“I miss you too,” Natasha says, struggling not to let tears obscure her voice. “I gotta go, babe. But I love you with all my heart.” 

“Nerd.” 

Phone clicked off. 

“What’d you do?” Tony asks, looking over her injuries. “This isn’t going to be an easy fix.”

“Whatever gets the job done,” Natasha answers weakly. 

“That’s my line, get your own,” Tony teases. “But not now, okay? Not now.” 

She feels like she’s in a really long dream. A dream that involves a lot of white light, someone worrying, and what sounds like...Sharon? 

Natasha blinks her eyes, vision focusing in on her girlfriend. 

“You’re stupid,” Sharon stresses, tears down her face. “And on...burger day! You called me and you were almost dying on burger day!” 

“I couldn’t ruin it,” Natasha says, voice dry. Sharon gets her ice chips and slips some past her lips. “My bad.” 

“You will make this up to me,” Sharon says. “And next time you tell me when you’re severely injured so I don’t get a call from Tony asking if I knew about the situation and I was the biggest idiot in the world because my girlfriend didn’t tell me she was injured!” 

Natasha laughs. 

“Love you too, Carter.” 

Sharon holds Natasha’s hand in her own. 

“I’ll take you home after you’re cleared, okay? I’ll even make your disgusting soup that you like.” 

“French Onion soup isn’t that bad.” 

“The onions are like worms, do not lie to me.” 

“Don’t make me laugh I’ll burst a stitch,” Natasha says, smile wide. “But go and change. I’m betting that you rushed out of the restaurant and that’s mustard on your shirt.” 

Sharon looks down and there’s a yellow stain all down the front. 

“Shit.” 

“No, mustard.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Go get some rest and love you,” Natasha says, squeezing her hand. 

Things will be okay. 

[rachelthompsonauthor]

Hi, everyone! It’s time to venture back out into the world which is a little scary, right? That’s where we are in Northern California – like turtles starting to stick our heads out just a little bit. We’re starting to visit family, actually going to the grocery store, and getting haircuts for everyone – a good thing since we’re all looking a bit like muppets.

Though with the latest numbers in California, who knows where we’re headed. It’s terrifying. Masks, masks, masks, wash, wash, wash.

In case you missed the last two installments of my blog posts, you can catch up by clicking here for week one and here for week two.

This week I’m thrilled to share an insider look into the mind of author Barbara Delinsky, who just dropped her latest hot read, A Week At The Shore, which immediately hit the New York Times bestseller list – her twenty-third novel to do so.

Both Pip and I enjoyed A Week At The Shore immensely.

Full disclosure: Barbara is one of my BadRedhead Media clients (and I’m supremely grateful for that!). I handle her social media, street team, blog and book review optimization, and a good deal of her book promotion.

After finishing the book (which I loved), I had a few questions for Barbara about her writing style, so I emailed them to her and she was kind enough to respond.

A Week At The Shore by Barbara Delinsky Interview

Q: I notice you don’t only use ‘she said’ for dialogue, which I personally love, though as I’m sure you know well, it’s a DEBATE.

A: I’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. I don’t use half as many other words (“she exclaimed,” “she intoned,” or “she declared”) as much as I used to. Yes, there’s something to be said for simple and real. That said, the constant monotony of “she said” gets boring, so I try to find a comfortable balance. This actually ties in with your next question.

Sometimes, the sub for “she said” can express emotion, as in “she cried,” or “she dare say,” or “she whispered.” So it does add something. Still, though, not quite the “show, not tell” rule (see more on that below).  

Q: Also, the ‘show, not tell’ rule regarding feelings. You sometimes say what emotions Mallory {Ed. the main character} feels (at times). If I wrote that in my creative writing classes, my teacher would’ve jumped out a window, yet it works. Again, love. All this ‘do this, not that’ advice can be confusing for writers, regardless of genre, myself included.

A: Yes, it does work at times, at least, for me. But then, I never took a creative writing class, so maybe I just don’t know how to show rather than tell. Here, too, I think you have to be guided by common sense. If by “show,” you mean having a character “start to huff and puff,” to show upset, rather than simply to “cry in alarm,” I’d opt for the simpler.  

The image of huffing and puffing will distract the reader from what you’re saying. IMHO, the “show, not tell” rule applies to larger things, like rather than saying “her husband could be nasty,” saying something like, “her husband could see her scrubbing the dinner dishes and tell her she was made for this.” So, it’s really giving an example of what you’re saying in summary. Does that make sense?

Q: Yes, absolutely. Also, you write about the past in the present tense – I do this with memoir and blog posts, and prefer to read books or even blog posts/articles written this way. It’s more immediate. When I work with writers in my workshops, they tend to write in the past tense. I haven’t read all of your other books, so I wonder if you do this with all your books?

A: I’m actually not even aware of writing about the past in the present tense, unless it’s a bonafide flashback, in which case it would be in the present. I’ve been experimenting with different tenses book to book. My last book, BEFORE AND AGAIN, was in the first-person past tense, A WEEK AT THE SHORE is in first person present tense.  

The latter took some getting used to. And it’s possible that I botched the flashback tenses simply because I’m not ultra-experienced with first-person present. My editor didn’t catch or change anything, though. I agree with you. There is an immediacy to first-person present tense that is nice. That said, the new book I’ve started is in first-person past tense.

Q: Basic skills – I get it. This is how new writers learn. You aren’t new (after writing hundreds of books and stories), so you break rules – is that it?

A: I’m not “schooled” in writing, so I don’t know I’m breaking the rules!!

Q: You’re so skilled, Barbara. Your characters are intricate and layered. This book is a CLASS in writing. Do you ever think about young writers reading your work and learning from you?

A: You are too kind, Rachel. Seriously. I’m just muddling along, basically doing what works for me as a reader, since I have no formal training. Truly. Now I’m just enjoying it.

Barbara has written a few articles for me on my biz site about breaking the writing rules, which I hope you’ll read. She’s a true writer’s writer. I hope you’ll read her books and articles. She’s also an avid reader herself and does weekly book reviews on her blog.

What I’m Reading Now

I’m now reading the third book in the Discovery of Witches series, The Book of Life, and it’s fabulous, just like the others in this series. I’m not going to spoil it for you if you haven’t read these. Harkness is a wonderful writer, and she weaves history, passionate love, and the supernatural together in a way that carries you into other worlds. Even though it’s vampires, witches, and demons, it’s not glowy, corny vampires and evil witches on broomsticks. Harkness’ stories are wholly imaginative.

When I found out Sundance made the first book into a series, I paid for the app ($5.99/month – totally worth it) and watched the entire series in one day. SO GREAT. Perfectly cast, well-acted, leaving me yearning for more. I’m now re-watching it.

What Else I’m Watching

I never did see Being John Malkovich so I watched it with my daughter. Weird flick. Good, but super weird. Definitely takes the, ’15 minutes of fame,’ motto and turns it on its head. Speaking of heads, I’ve never seen such horrible hair in any movie.

Have you seen it? What are your thoughts?

Space Force just came out on Netflix and it’s hilarious. If you’re super conservative, you may not like it, so beware (though they poke fun at both parties). If you can laugh at the ridiculousness of government, please watch. Carrell is great, as usual, and the relationship dynamics are brilliant (and there’s John Malkovich again – great, as usual).

Vanderpump Rules I mentioned previously that this is the one reality show I watch with my 20-year-old daughter, Anya, and we watched the reunion shows – all three of them. I know, ridiculous. Jax is such a joke (his blatant homophobia disgusts me, though he says he supports gays – what?), Jax and Brittany together are just ugh, and Max makes me want to vomit (breaking news – he just got fired – ha!).

And honestly, could Vanderpump be any more white? We’ve been saying this for years.

SO much has happened since last week – wowzers. They’ve fired four people as of this writing for making racist remarks. Either the show will be retooled or canceled. I’m sad to see the epitome of white-girl whiteness Stassi gone – she was at least honest about her privilege. What do you think?

I’d be pretty much done with this show if it wasn’t for my daughter begging me to watch with her (we do watch movies and other shows as well). I’m glad Pumpy fired their asses, otherwise, I’d be done DONE.

Compassion

What’s missing from most reality shows is compassion, which is why I don’t enjoy watching them. We see (and hear, loudly and repeatedly) the negativity, toxicity, and the worst in people because that’s what the editors and producers know will keep viewers coming back – drama.

There are flashes of compassion, e.g., when dealing with the death of a loved one, coming out, infidelity, or mental health issues. I appreciate when Bravo, for example, handles these issues well. I don’t appreciate it when they have not – and they have not in many cases. An overall lack of compassion appears to be missing from many of these people’s lives; however, using The Four Agreements, that’s an assumption on my part; we don’t see behind the scenes or when the cameras are off.

I do have compassion for the casts of these shows who have decided money is worth more than their privacy. They are adults making decisions about their lives, and all that comes with it, as any celebrity does. Now, they’re dealing with the fallout.

“Make good choices!” as Jamie Lee Curtis’s mom in Freaky Friday admonishes a young Lindsay Lohan’s Anna (and we all know how that turned out). Oh, Lindsay. Honestly, she’s such a product of dysfunction, it’s truly sad, but that’s a whole other post.

If only people would listen to their Hollywood movie mothers…

Products Supporting Black Lives Matter

In no particular order, here’s what I’ve bought and am loving:

YUBI: The original fingertip makeup brush is amazing. Worth every penny. How did I not know about this?

Pat McGrath Real Makeup: I’m a sucker for a great eye shadow palette. McGrath’s are pricey but fab-u-lous. Why so spendy? All her products are highly-pigmented so you don’t need much; they’ll last a good long time. Here’s the one I purchased on Amazon. For when, ya know, I actually have somewhere to venture out to.

Body Butter Lady: Lip stuff and of course, body butter. Affordable, smells amazing, and will last a good, long, time.

LipBar: Lips for days, tons of colors and textures to suit anyone.

LipSlut: Awesome colors, and 50% of all proceeds go to support women and children’s charities all the time. Right now, they’re supporting Black Lives Matters. 50% towards charity, 100% against tyranny. Cruelty-free, Vegan.

Their newest shade, F*ck Trump on pre-order, will support civil rights organizations specifically targeted by the Trump organization – I mean, administration. Oopsies.

Here is my current personal selection (F*ck Kavanaugh is a favorite – a pretty brownish-red that wears well):

  ***

So that’s it for this week. Would love your feedback on COVID-19, books, movies, shows, makeup, racism, or whatever you want to discuss. Thanks for stopping by!

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

        The post Venture Out Of Quarantine With Me appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

[fuck-customers]

We're A Beauty Store:

Yo, me again. So this time I have a computer so we can lump all of these stories together rather then me having to constantly send asks for formatting, which I am sure thrills Abby and Rodney cause they are probably sick of me. Trigger Warnings are for Cursing, Blood, Vomit (x2), a Me Story, and Cheap Assholes. We'll start light on this and get gross later.

1. Lady comes in, we go through her transaction and she stops me and goes "Um, why is it $40 something dollars? You started at $65 and now it's $40." To which I had to explain how any register works. Usually a register displays the last total paid until a new transaction occurs or it has a time out screen. Ours doesn't have that screen so we get the last transaction total. She straight up starts cursing at me telling me shit like I am trying to rob her and that she has NEVER™ worked on a register like that. So I sit there and do the long math while she is continuing to yell at me and tell her that her items total up to $50 something before her professional discount. Tells me that can't be so I hand her the paper and tell her to check my work. She flips shit and at that point I tell her that her two '5.99' items are really '9.99' and here's the price tag to prove it. She shuts up and gives up on making a scene now that I made her look stupid.

2. I have a lady who comes in once a month specifically to insult me and the way I run the store when I am by myself. Comes in for wax and strips and a good ol' "Fuck you and the hole you crawled out of you green haired scumbag." Not to mention she almost always, ALWAYS, breaks our fucking door. It says pull not push and she consistently just bull charges this piece of glass. One day she is gonna fucking break it and I'm just gonna go 'Oh no! Did you get a boo-boo? Too bad, suck it up." cause honestly I don't know what her deal is, but it definitely seems personal and I don't even know the bitch.

3. Had a lady, probably in the first week of October, who came in with her two daughters. No big deal, they come in all the time and are generally really well behaved and the mother is a sweet heart. Welp, fast forward to the end of the transaction and for some reason daughter A is hysterically crying. Mom wants nothing to do with her and so I'm left standing there as this woman straight up berates her six year old over her behavior. I'm talking 'Shut up you are embarrassing me' and 'Oh my fucking god we're doing this shit again." Daughter B looks as confused as I do until she notices that A is bleeding, and I mean like she whacked herself good bleeding. This girl's hair was matted so this had been going on for a while. I politely tell the mother that her kid is crying cause she's bleeding and she huffs and goes, "I know, she pulled her stitches out again." and I just, looked at her like, you knew this was a problem and didn't think to put a mitten on this child? Come on, think for a second.

4. Had a family come in with the cutest little boy. Well, little boy got his flu shot and he wasn't taking to it too well and puked, twice. Thankfully it landed on the floor both times, but mom didn't apologize or nothing. Dad was all panicky going, 'We should get him home he should be in bed" while mom was like "Should I dye my hair navy blue or purple. I just don't know! lololol" Like lady, please come on and take your kid home already you hair isn't that important. Dad helped me clean up which I really appreciated cause baby puke is fucking nasty smelling, all the while mom just got pissed that I wasn't helping her. Like, your kid is a bio-hazard. Please fucking leave my store and come back when he's feeling better.

5. This one is about me and the shit I had to deal with medically. Also fuck my former manager here on this one too, she can freeze in hell. Every once in a while my doctor changes my meds to keep up with my medical issues. Sometimes it works out great and sometimes I wind up in the hospital. Well, I had gained a lot of weight suddenly and then in the course of about a week went from 150 to 125-120. I got sick at work; I was weak, I couldn't keep awake, and I was pretty much trapped in the bathroom even though I didn't lock the door cause I know better when I get like that. Manager comes in and tells me to get back to work. According to the statement she gave on the indecent report I told her 'You're either calling an ambulance or I am dying right here right now.' Which,despite the circumstances, is pretty fucking metal. Two days later she's calling me asking if I can come into work to which I handed my phone to my nurse at the time who very coolly went, "No, they'll be staying here until they aren't the colour of concrete." Like fuck, you had to call an ambulance for me and are expecting me to be magically better? Fuck outta here with that shit. Also 0/10 I do not recommend liquid charcoal, it is the actual fucking worst.

[btsybrkr]

Please Come Dine With Me

In today’s world of Netflix originals, glossy reality series and big budget drama, it’s easy to forget about TV’s old reliables. You know, the programmes with nothing to say, but so much to give. They’re the television equivalent of an ex that you can’t help but miss, despite having brought absolutely nothing to each other’s lives. The absolute king of this brand of TV can only be Come Dine With Me, the dinner party contest that began broadcasting in 1892 and has been playing simultaneously, on all 26 branches of Channel 4, at every hour of every day ever since. Seriously, flick through the channels, I can almost guarantee it’s on right now.

Come Dine With Me, now in its 37th series (I’m actually not making that bit up), must unironically be one of the best things to ever air in this country. During a casual viewing, it seems that nothing much happens, but a quick Google search unearths an absolute goldmine of unforgettable moments. Some have already been cemented into pop culture history, destined to be repeated on ‘100 Greatest...’ clip shows until the sun swallows the Earth whole - like the man who decided to sample a sauce he was making by nonchalantly shoving the whole whisk into his mouth, or sore loser Peter Marsh’s ‘you won, Jane’ speech, which is, in my opinion, a hundred times more brutal than anything Ricky Gervais could or would ever come out with whilst presenting an awards ceremony. Others are unfortunately never spoken about, but remain a vivid memory in the consciousness of the lucky viewers who caught them, such as the moment a particularly eccentric contestant, known only as DJ Dom, drafted in indie musician Badly Drawn Boy to help him cook for his ‘Madchester’ themed dinner party, before telling the viewers “All done, just got to go and change me kecks!” and coming back downstairs in the exact same outfit, right down to the bucket hat. Or the iconic Preston week from series 7, in which we were introduced to so-posh-it-hurts Valerie Holliday, whose pronunciation of the word ‘pheasant’ (or fezzaaaunt, as she might say) is superglued to the insides of my brain, where it will stay for the rest of my days. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I’m sure we’ve all, at some point, had the ‘who would be invited to your dream dinner party?’ conversation with our friends or family, but what we should really be asking each other is “who would be on your dream episode of Come Dine With Me?”. If you think about it, they’re two very different questions, with very different answers. Of course, I’d love the chance to sit and speak with Tom Hanks, Mac Demarco and Phoebe Waller-Bridge over a glass of wine and a really good burger, but do I think it would make entertaining TV? Well, yeah, probably. But not on Come Dine With Me. That’s a horse of a very different colour.

Anyway, here’s what my dream episode of Come Dine With Me might look like. Narrated in your brain by Dave Lamb, probably.

Today, we’re in Blackpool, where our first contestant, 23-year-old chronic timewaster Betsy (that’s me!), is gearing up to host the opening night of the week, and we’re sure it’s going to be an absolute belter. Let’s see what her fellow dinner party guests make of the menu.

“A cheeseboard? As a starter? What’s that about?”, asks living soundbite and reality TV icon, Gemma Collins. She’s unimpressed with the menu, largely on the basis that it pales in comparison to the sort of luxury she’s used to, such as the gourmet camel penis she could have been tucking into on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! In 2014, had she not packed it in after three days. Actually, I think the celebrity version of Come Dine With Me might be the only reality programme that Gemma Collins is yet to appear in. Maybe we should be writing to the powers-that-be at Channel 4 and getting them to sort that out, since I’ll surely be making a strong case for her appearance here. Anyway, who’s next?

Our third contestant is equally disappointed with the offerings. “I don’t fuck with stilton”, states the self-proclaimed second coming of Jesus, Kanye West. Yes, he’s an odd choice for a daytime cookery/popularity contest, especially since I’m almost 100% sure he doesn’t cook for himself under any circumstances, and is probably only popular among people who’ve never had to try and sit through an actual conversation with him, but who cares? Kanye does what Kanye wants. And if Kanye wants to appear on Come Dine With Me, then that’s his business, and he’ll shit in the Yeezys of anybody who disagrees. Or pay someone else to do it for him, obviously. Anyway, onto contestant number four, who can surely only be disappointing after that… can’t they?

Of course not!! Contestant number four is TV’s shouty queen-of-clean Kim Woodburn, who is really excited to get her teeth into some red hot beef. Not the food kind, either. The kind of beef she dished out to Philip Schofield, while he was asking her questions about the beef she dished out in her fondly-remembered ‘chicken-livered bunch’ rant from Celebrity Big Brother. She’ll be glad to know I’m not serving any chicken livers at my dinner party, I’m sure. Not that she’ll be particularly enamoured with my cooking skills overall.

“It all looks terribly common, darling”, she says, as she holds the menu in one Marigold-wearing hand, and a glass of an expensive gin in the other. Suit yourself, then, Kim.

Contestant number five hasn’t bothered to read the menu yet, but that’s because he’s been busy begging the Channel 4 producers on set for another series of Deal Or No Deal now that his hefty I’m A Celebrity paycheck is all but gone. Yes, it’s Noel Edmonds, TV’s favourite bearded arsehole. After Alan Sugar, of course, but I’ve already written a bit about him on here, so there’d be no point in putting him in this one as well. You know, someone I knew a few years back once told me that Noel Edmonds did a guest lecture at his university, in which he offered some lucky students the chance to spend their summer doing a couple of months unpaid work experience on his radio show. Imagine that! Spending day-in-day-out with Noel Edmonds, without even a penny in compensation. I know they say ‘life’s not fair’, but that really would be pushing it. 

Anyway, that’s everyone, and as I anxiously pour boiling water into five chicken and mushroom Pot Noodles, my all-star dinner guests begin to arrive. First at the doorstep is Kim, who I greet with open arms. 

“Wonderful to meet you, luvvie”, she says. The worried glance she gives the camera afterwards tells me otherwise. Perhaps she’s unimpressed by my unshiny door handle. That’s not a euphemism. 

Gemma and Noel arrive soon afterwards, both carrying bottles of champagne that I couldn’t possibly ever afford myself. They’re not to share, of course, they were bought in anticipation that the wine I’m providing wouldn’t be up to standard, which it is, because I’m serving all my courses with a glass of Summer Berries Echo Falls. It’s £5.99 a bottle and gets you absolutely Bankered. 

We mingle in the living room, eagerly anticipating the arrival of my final guest. Just as Gemma, Kim and Noel begin bonding over the trials of being paid many thousands of pounds to sit around and simply exist for the viewing pleasures of mere mortals like myself, Kanye West teleports himself into the room, in a futuristic flash of lightning and to the tune of his 2010 hit Power, blowing a massive hole into the entire left side of my house in the process. It’s true what he says, you know - the man really is a genius.

We take our seats at the dinner table, as soon as the rest of my guests are done with the obligatory search through my knicker drawer (cue a comeback for Kim’s famous How Clean Is Your House? catchphrase, “Oh, you dirty devil!”) that happens on every edition of Come Dine With Me. You know, despite everything else on the programme, that’s the one bit of it that I’ve never really understood. Every single one of the show’s 1,647 episodes includes a bizarre sequence in which the contestants go running around the host’s home, rifling through their personal belongings and mocking them for the cameras. I’m sure the point of it is supposed to be to give the guests a chance to ‘get to know’ the host, but then I’d have thought that spending five nights eating and chatting with them would be a fairly effective way of doing that. Besides, can you imagine catching your guests doing that in real life? I wouldn’t be sitting them down for a meal and rating them for a chance to win £1,000, I’d be throwing them out, maybe even calling the police, depending on what exactly they were doing with the belongings in question. Not that I have time to think about that right now, I’ve got a cheeseboard to prepare!

First topic of conversation is, of course, TV, and as we tuck into our Ritz biscuits and Tesco Value mature cheddar, Noel gives us his opinion.

“My main issue with television these days is that I’m just not on it enough.” A valid viewpoint. We take a moment to collectively long for the days of Noel’s HQ, a drunken nightmare that was somehow harnessed and broadcast to the masses by Sky1, way back in 2008. Noel’s HQ has been mostly lost to time, except for the presence of a video on YouTube entitled ‘Noel Edmonds speaks with passion’, which is well worth a watch if, like me, you enjoy four minute long videos of TV presenters struggling to stifle their own belief that they might just be The Best Person Ever. There’s a great bit in it where he angrily declares to his delighted audience, “I don’t get paid a penny for doing this show”. Noel, I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you for your sacrifice. 

Speaking of The Best Person Ever, Kanye is noticeably quiet. But then, Kanye isn’t here to share his views. Kanye isn’t particularly here to do anything. Kanye is simply here to observe - to greet his subjects, and work out what makes them tick. Kanye can sense our excitement to be sat in his presence, and Kanye enjoys this. It feeds Kanye. Far more than my meager dinner offerings ever could.

I press Gemma for her own opinions on TV, as someone who is literally always on it. Gemma Collins gets where Domestos can’t. It may sound like I’m being flippant, but in all honesty, I love Gemma Collins. I’m not even sure why, I just know I do. She’s famous for the sake of being famous, and she’s bloody good at it. She’s also quite possibly the most quotable public figure since Shakespeare himself. Maybe even more than Shakespeare. Think about it. What inspires you more? “To be or not to be?”, like anyone knows what that actually means, or “Nah, fuck this, I’m out of here. Get that fire exit door. Am off.”, a poetic sentiment, which conveys an emotion we’ve surely all felt at some point in our lives? I know who gets my vote.

Kim misunderstands the question “what do you think of television today?” as “how clean do you think my television is?”, and responds by pulling out a five pack of dusters and a can of Mr Sheen, and getting to work on the flatscreen in the corner of my living room. Oh well, at least all that cleaning will make her hungry in time for the main course. Speaking of which, maybe it’s time I got on with that.

Despite their disappointment with the starters, the main course - Super Noodle sandwiches, with a generous side-helping of curly fries - appears to delight all my guests, except Kim, who mutters under her breath that it all seems very tacky. I won’t let it get me down. It’s my heartfelt belief that anything can be a sandwich filling if you’re brave enough, and my other three guests agree with me. Kanye lets out a satisfied ‘hm’. Excellent. 

We sit down to dessert, and another glass of Echo Falls. The wine is going down surprisingly well, especially with Kim, who has started subtly rolling her eyes at the conversation between myself and Gemma Collins, who are bonding over how much we love Gemma Collins. Kim purses her lips. Her Spidey-senses are tingling. There’s conflict afoot. 

I quiz Noel about an article that I saw in 2015 and have never forgotten. It was featured on The Independent, and was headlined ‘Noel Edmonds says that ‘death doesn’t exist’ and that ‘Electrosmog’ is more deadly than Ebola’. I know that this sounds like something I just came up with, but I regret to tell you that is absolutely something he said. In real life. I’ll give you a minute to take that in.

Noel Edmonds reaffirms this view to me, speaking with the same unnerving passion he did in the YouTube clip I mentioned earlier. I nod politely. I begin to wonder if everyone’s had a little too much Echo Falls, and if I can really handle another four nights with these people. It’s at this moment that, for the first time all night, His Almighty Westness speaks. 

“I really feel what you’re saying right now”, he tells Noel. We wait together for the next part of the statement, but it never comes. Kanye West outstretches his arm to Noel Edmonds. They shake hands. None of us can quite believe it. And for a moment, Noel and Kanye are right. It does feel as though death doesn’t exist. Nothing exists outside of this dinner party. Everything that matters is happening around my dining table at this very second. 

The silence is broken by Kim Woodburn tutting into a wine glass. 

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake,” she drawls, rolling her eyes, “What a load of nonsensical tosh.”

“Excuse me?”, asks Noel, still hand-in-hand with Kanye West, an alliance he is clearly eager to keep going for as long as possible, on the off chance that he fancies funding another series of Noel’s House Party, “I don’t see you bringing anything to the table here, Kim.”

She widens her eyes, taking another generous gulp of Echo Falls - and I know exactly what she’s about to bring to the table. A big old fight. 

Gemma Collins throws in her two cents. 

“I think we should all calm down a little bit, d’ya know what I mean? I’m having a lovely meal at a fan’s house, I can’t be arsed with an argument.” Wise words, as always, Gemma. Wise words.

It all kicks off.

“You can be quiet, you talentless, orange foghorn!”, sneers Kim, “You’ve contributed nothing to the conversation this evening, other than talking about yourself.”

Gemma’s eyes seem to cloud over with anger, as her complexion quickly transitions from Dulux shade Tangerine Twist to Cranberry Crunch. She knocks the rest of her wine back. Everything goes quiet again for a moment, as Noel, Kanye and I watch the two TV divas stare at each other. It’s like a scene from an old Western, but with diamonds and veneers.

With a violent roar, she launches herself across the table, grabbing Kim by her fake ponytail. I jump up to hold her back, as Kanye leaps from his seat to hold Kim from Gemma. There’s a mad blur of acrylic nails and tufts of bleach blonde hair flying between them, some of it landing into the banoffee pie I had worked so hard on. Noel stands back, arms folded, watching the action in dismay. If you could see the whole picture, it might resemble a renaissance painting, the sort that could be hung in a gallery anywhere in the world and analysed for it’s artistic importance. ‘Nous aimons le boeuf’, it might be called. French for ‘we love the beef’. Doesn’t really matter it means, though, to be fair, as long as it sounds clever and artsy.

Noel shakes his head. 

“What the hell am I doing here?”, he asks, frustrated, “I’m a huge TV star.”

Security eventually intervene, somewhat reluctantly, given the fact this is the most action they’ve seen on a shoot for Come Dine With Me, possibly ever. Producers watch back the footage of the fight on an iPad, sat on my sofa, attempting to mask their delight at what they’d caught on camera.

Kanye eventually stands up, soberly taking in the scene in front of him. Is this how Jay-Z felt as he left the elavator?, he wonders.

“I’m gonna take off”, he informs everyone, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room in the aftermath. But before he can teleport out of the room again, possibly blowing a hole in the other side of my house, the producer speaks up.

“Same time tomorrow? It’s Gemma’s night.”

Four more nights of this… four more nights, all for the chance to win £1,000… is it worth it? 

Of course it is. It was a blast. Same time tomorrow, indeed.

To see some highlights from the iconic Preston week of Come Dine With Me, click here. To see Noel Edmonds speak with passion, click here. To follow me on twitter, click here, or here for instagram :)

[excuseme-howdareyou]

Whumptober Day 5: Gunpoint

Ca-clunk! The sound of a gun cocking echoed right behind her head. "Hands up."

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. With a more controlled movement than what she actually felt, Kinley slowly raised her hands above her head. Damnit, how had she missed the third robber? The two she was observing were still at the front, harassing the cashier, but she never saw the third come in.

"Stand up," he ordered and she felt something nudge the back of her head. She flinched; she could guess what that was and unbidden came the image of her brain splattered across the floor. Hands trembling, she stood up but did not turn around.

The ones from the front shouted out, wondering if the third needed their help. He just drawled back," Nah, I got this. Hurry it up over there." There was a wryness to his voice as he addressed her," You're not gonna be trying anything, are you, sweetheart?"

Kinley was really starting to hate that nickname. She didn't say anything, didn't need to. Didn't stop him from telling her to give him her wallet. "I only carry my ID and debit card," she told him.

"Show me," he demanded in what she's quickly coming to recognize as a Gotham accent.

'You'd better not fucking spook and shoot me,' she thought while reaching into her back pocket. They were just as she said: an ID and debit card, both useless to him. Cards in hand, she turned around to hold them out.

She wished she didn't.

The first thing she registered, the first thing she saw, was a black circle with a silver outline. Then she realized she was looking down the muzzle of a single-barrel shotgun.

Oh gods, that's right up against her face. Less than a foot away and his finger was ready on the trigger. It didn't matter how well trained she was, how fast she was, she wasn't dodging that.

Then the gun lowered -not away from her, just enough so she can see past the barrel- and she can see his face. Or she would if he wasn't wearing a black and green ski mask. She had suspicions earlier, but his height and size confirm that he's not a kid like the others but a fully grown man.

He scoffs at the cards in her hand. They're useless to him. "Jewelry," he demands.

Kinley raised her chin to show she's not wearing a necklace. Then she tugs her sleeves down. On one wrist is a ponytail and a collection of braided colored strings made by her nieces. On the other is a cheap blue watch she bought online for $5.99.

Naturally, he takes the watch.

She can't see his fever but she imagines he's grinning as she tossed him the watch. 'Go choke on a donut,' she curses at him mentally,' I hope the pawn shop guy laughs at you when you try to hawk it.'

She cussed out loud when he called her Doll, then he laughed at her flinch when he shot the ceiling. Up front the cashier screamed and his teen hooligans swore loudly. But Kinley didn't dare look away.

"Time to go boys!" he called out. The shotgun remained trained on her as he backed away and towards the front door. The teens have already booked it and then he's gone with one last mocking salute.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

Grand Titans Rewatch: 1.01

so! i only really got into the show around the 6th episode, which means that while i was intrigued by the first five, i didn’t really pay a lot of close attention the first time ‘round. so i’m going to try and rewatch the entire series over the next several weeks and bring you Thoughts, because um. well. I Will Have Them.

SPOILERS for pretty much the entire series, though i will be covering only the pilot episode in this post. let’s see how this goes.

1. i’m just such a sucker for eerie dreamscapes, so i’m definitely biased when i say that this is a promising start. what’s really intriguing, though, is rachel dreaming of dick’s past well before she’d met the guy. after eleven episodes, the extent and even the very nature of rachel’s powers is still nebulous; this ability to dream about people she hasn’t even met only comes up this once, as far as i remember. (again, my initial viewing was superficial, so i might’ve missed it coming up/referenced again.)

1.5. a doylist explanation for this? hint at a special relationship between rachel and dick right off the bat, set the tone for the rest of the series, establish a character-development-by-dreamscape precedent, give us a gander at the origin story of the most iconic character in the ensemble, and set the broader arc of the season—an acceptance of and an ascent out of inner darkness—in motion with these two characters.

an in-universe search for an answer is potentially more interesting, however: why should these two be connected? i like to think that trigon’s influence started here, pushing rachel further and further down the path that would lead her to free him. i mean, handwaving aside the comic-booky implausibility of trigon foreseeing the exact pattern of random events that would lead to the moment rachel pulling him out of the mirror in 1.10 (he’s an interdimensional being! i don’t know! *flails hands*), i like the symbolism of it: both batman and trigon as phantom fathers that rachel and dick run away from, only to be pushed together. this is not to imply any broader equivalency between trigon and bruce wayne, of course; but it goes some way in explaining why this dick is especially traumatised and brutal, and why it would’ve had to be an especially traumatised and brutal bruce wayne that taught him everything he knows.

1.6. HAH at the ‘flying’ in the ‘flying graysons’ sign fizzling out just before the rope snaps, tho! so corny but also so upsetting.

(‘so corny but so upsetting’ – a valid tagline for titans)

1.8. oh but the set-up around rachel is so intriguing, tho! this is both the greatest strength and the greatest pitfall of the show: each of its characters can occupy a genre show of their own; because the first three episodes focus so heavily on rachel, it seems like the tone of the show changes when the titans finally get together, and like a lot of interesting, painstakingly slow set-up for rachel is just dropped and wasted.

2. the first glimpse we get of dick grayson is in the rearview mirror of his car. FUCK. i’m going to start a count.

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 1

Ok. things i love about this little two minute introduction to dick grayson:

a) look at this broody asshole. i love him so much.

b) right away we have this push-pull re: his robin identity. he hates it, resents it, but can’t quite let it go. his officer grayson persona isn’t enough for all the evil in the world, even if it means losing control and falling farther and farther down a spiral of self-loathing.

c) he’s so damn mired in crime and tragedy, tho: officer grayson by day, vigilante robin by night. MAKE A FRIEND, DICK. GET A BEER, DICK.

(so true to character, tho: a suffering dick grayson is usually a determinedly self-isolated dick grayson.)

d) AMY ROHRBACH! i refuse to believe they’d just unceremoniously kill off such an iconic character. i fully expect to see her in s2.

e) “you do your thing. i’ll do mine.”  a poorly functioning dick grayson picking up unhealthy coping cues from his mentor.

f) i love how implicit it is that gotham is a carnival of unending horror among the officers in the precinct, and probably every other city in america.

3. the clawmarks on rachel’s mother, tho! fuck, i wish they’d carried over more of this eeriness in the second half of the season. oh, and also:

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 2

i realise why we had to get a move on with the plot, but i can’t help but wonder if we could’ve gotten an even slower build-up to rachel’s powers, because honestly? i know you’re lying, i always know when you’re lying, and the vicious slut! in the school bus window? actually more unsettling than watching rachel liquefy some baddie from the inside.

(tho. um. don’t get me wrong. that’s plenty disturbing, too.)

4. conflicted!brooding!vigilante!dick, here to chase away the images of dead women splayed over living room floors with bullet holes in their heads.

4.5. the fight scene was brutal, sure—but to be fair, most of batman/robin’s fights teeter on the fine line between causing enough damage to keep the bad guys down for a bit and outright brutality. it’s difficult to bring that to life on screen (in a series that touts to inject grittiness/realism into proceedings, no less) and portray a robin who’s definitely crossing some lines without going into some real brutal territory.

4.6. so far i’m loving how economical the storytelling is when it comes to dick—how quickly it’s established, then underscored, how being robin is so important to him and the last thing he wants. his curdling resentment at the thugs immediately looking for batman the moment they see him, and his inability to move on from being the other half of batman-and-robin. he feels compelled to play both parts at once when he’s fighting, and he hates it. all of these things are playing out right underneath stretched-too-thin skin, jagged and awful and ugly.

4.65. and the editing and sound choices keep emphasising how this is not dick in his natural state—how, in a lot of ways, robin is not his natural state anymore.

4.8. dick, brooding in his open-plan apartment, broodily listening to vinyl records and cleaning his armour of blood, while brooding. did i mention that i love this asshole?

(i don’t know where the bruises came from, considering that it seemed like the thugs couldn’t get a single hit in during the fight.)

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 3

4.9. a dick timeline: the zucco thing happened, what, two years ago? robin hasn’t been seen in over a year. and dick moved to detroit a month ago. hmmmm.

5. rachel’s alter-ego-self as a manifestation of her powers continues to be fascinating. as is the fact that that alternate self appears less and less as she grows more accepting of what’s inside her and learns to control her abilities.

5.25. so, what, was sally a part of the cult that wants to kidnap rachel specifically, or just a Bad Person in general?

5.5. “you got that thing for helping kids” – i love that dick has this reputation barely a month into his time in this department. like. this guy is broody and closed-off and clearly traumatised, but hey, he’s good with kids!

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 4

5.8. “you’re the boy from the circus” is super-dramatic and all, but how did rachel recognise adult!dick when she’s only seen kid!dick in her dreams? and also, why did she dream of dick at all?

5.99. side note: officer!dick’s hair is the best. it never gets better than this for the rest of the season at least until he becomes trigon’s demon acolyte.

6. KORY!

6.5. so… did the car accident cause the amnesia? do we ever find out why exactly she couldn’t remember anything about who she is? she doesn’t look injured; just dazed.

6.6. her passport was issued in 2014—so she’s been here a while, searching, researching. or not, because it’s probably a fake-ass document. stop reading so much into this, emmram!

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 5

6.8. her super-convenient amnesia means she’s forgotten her identity but not human language, mores or customs. i like this extra layer of… alien-ness? that this brings to her: so now she’s not only a stranger to the rest of the world, but to herself. again, so many interesting things are set-up here that the show never really follows through with for the rest of the season—imagine re-discovering kory’s identity along with her, piecemeal, rather than an impersonal infodump near the end of the season!

6.9. also given that portrayals of starfire (at least those that i’ve seen/read) make liberal use of the ‘born sexy yesterday’ trope, i rather like this take—she’s already learned everything she needs to know about assimilating into human society, and it’s a question of rediscovering that knowledge instead of having some dude patronisingly mansplain the world to her.

6.95. why did she snap that russian dude’s neck, tho. that’s just brutal. i’d forgotten about this.

7. i like to think here that when dick says i’ll find someone who can help you, he’s not just thinking of law enforcement, but also of people in the super-community—psychics, or telepaths, or somebody who has experience with both. there’s still so much about dick that’s kept in the dark for most of the season, but given the length of time he’s been with batman and the easy familiarity with which he talks about other heroes in the finale’s dreamscape, i’m going to assume that he’s more than well-connected.

7.5. but he’s shuttered himself away for so long, and robin’s return has been far from well-received. i like this little moment where he steps outside and just… lets himself be overwhelmed. just for a bit.

7.7. i like that amy says “sidekick” first instead of “partner”. on-the-nose, but i like it!

7.8. the glibness of he and i had different ideas of how to do the job is making me laugh. oh, dick.

i guess the idea of batman sours quite a lot when you’ve spent most of your life as his partner. i get that he’s projecting losing his own sense of self to a role he just isn’t cut out for onto bruce, but it’s sad anyway.

7.9. gosh i just want these two to bond. i don’t care how you do it Show but bring back amy next season, yeah?

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 6

8. is there any particular significance to the repeated security-cam footage shots we’re getting in this episode?

(gosh, i love the cinematography so much in this scene.)

8.4. so… kory had to use some sort of russian mob and come all the way to vienna to find rachel?? why??? are we ever going to find out?

8.5. on a happier note, i love love this version of starfire’s ‘innocence’. like. she’s baffled, almost apologetic about it, but she isn’t going to take any shit about it, either. also, the music when she uses her powers for the first time, man. FUCK.

9. aaaaand there’s the liquefying-a-guy’s-insides bit. i both love and hate this show’s self-indulgence.

9.5. i gotta say, this episode makes a lot more sense on rewatch than it did the first time ‘round. i remember being so confused by evil!cult!guy, but then again, i was pretty distracted at the time. i only really picked up the show because i was so amused by the over-the-top reactions fans had to the trailer. now look at me, writing 2k+ word reviews dissecting its every moment. *shakes head*

10. *rachel stares at dick’s porsche*

“this is yours?”

“family heirloom.”

“… from the circus?”

“not the one you’re thinking.”

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EXCHANGE.

10.5. i love these two Dramatic Kids.

11. beast boy cameo! just to assure us all that yes, he is in this show, and that, yes, he is the Best of them all.

12. you guys, this episode is so much more fun that i remember it being. you’ve got an amnesiac interstellar super-spy in kory, a straight-up supernatural horror story in rachel, and a psychological case study whatever genre batman’s supposed to be in dick. each of them could easily fill their own show, but i love that titans wants to connect them with something more than just a team falling together just because.

[flapperfromthefuture]

Spoilers follow for both Avengers: Endgame and the independent lesbian drama Tell It To The Bees—two very gay films that I watched this weekend.

Combined box office: $2 billion and $5.99 (Tell It To The Bees currently has a domestic box office tally of $0, but it cost $5.99 to rent from iTunes, which was actually more than my matinee ticket for Avengers, so take that, Disney).

I know everyone is dying to know what happens in Tell It To The Bees, so follow me to 1950s Scotland, where all skies are grey, all children are deathly pale, and any expression of joy is punished with a smack across the face.

A insisted that we watch Tell It To The Bees. I did not want to watch it as lesbian dramas always bum me out, especially when the trailer is 99% furtive glances and disapproving stares, but I was overruled. 

Anna Paquin plays a shy doctor who returns to her small hometown where everyone whispers behind her back and openly questions her ability to properly do doctor things. She befriends a sensitive young boy who takes an interest in her beekeeping hobby, and she tells him that bees are good at keeping secrets.

Since this is the 1950s and also Scotland, the bees are the only safe outlet for a sensitive young boy’s troubles. He confides in these insects, who are really quite busy and have enough to deal with, that his mother is depressed, his father has abandoned them to shack up with his floozy girlfriend, and he and his mom are about to be evicted. His mom works in some kind of hell factory with no unions or regulations and not even her sweet Rosie the Riveter get-up can prevent her from losing a limb.

(There is a very tense scene where Hot Mom has to stick her hand in this chomper machine of death and I yelled, “Don’t lose your fingers! You’ll need them later!”)

Well, the bees must want to help, because the sensitive young boy brings his hot mom over to meet the bees and the doctor and very muted sparks fly!

The mom is wearing mismatched shoes when she first meets Anna Paquin. A shouted, “That’s a clue! That means she’s bi!” I said, “I thought it meant she was depressed.”

This is the LGBT movie watching experience in a nutshell.

Soon the hot mom and the boy move in with Doctor Anna to be her housekeeper and assistant beekeeper, respectively. Everyone is happy even though they’re still in Scotland, and there are several long furtive gazes through cracked doorways between Hot Mom and Doctor Anna, which culminates in a very tame love scene that bothered both A and I because the characters had only exchanged a handful of words and there was no chemistry between them.

“Why do they even like each other?” said A. “What is their connection based on?”

“The mom doesn’t even like the bees,” I said.

But this is set in the 1950s and the one rule of any LGBT film is that the characters can’t be happy, so the townspeople make life hell for nice Doctor Anna—who only wants to help their children not die of preventable diseases!—Hot Mom’s ex-husband takes the sensitive little boy away, everything is awful, and it never stops raining.

Fortunately the bees manage to save Hot Mom from being raped by her ex-husband (seriously! they swarm into the house and sting him!) at THE EXACT SAME TIME that Doctor Anna wins the town’s respect by saving a teenage girl who is bleeding to death after her family pinned her down and forced her to have a coat hanger abortion, performed by some scowling washerwoman who doesn’t know how to wash her hands. The girl is secretly married to a black guy, that was their reason.

This is why I hate movies set in the 1950s. Also, a hearty fuck off to anyone who wants to take us back there.

Yet, even though the bees have given their lives to help these ungrateful humans (if they sting, they die!), and it seems like everything is finally going to work out, oh no, says all movies, lesbians don’t get to have a happy ending.

The sensitive little boy is packing his suitcase, while Hot Mom and Doctor Anna are  discussing their plans for the future—Hot Mom and the kid are going ahead to a place with actual sun, where people eat fruit instead of drinking themselves to death, and Doctor Anna says, “After I take care of everything here, I’ll be along.”

“She should’ve said, ‘I’ll BEE along,'” said A.

Then the little boy goes out to the beehives to say good-bye, and reveals to Doctor Anna that he knows she’s not coming with them, but he won’t tell his mom. She cries the strong silent tears of every lesbian protagonist I’ve ever seen in a movie, and then they all go to the train station, and Hot Mom says, “You’ll be along soon?” and Doctor Anna tearfully nods, but they clearly both know it’s not going to happen, all while A and I are yelling at the TV, “JUST GET ON THE GODDAMN TRAIN! THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU IN THIS TOWN. THE BEES WILL BE FINE!”

And a melancholy narrator informs us that the lovers never saw each other again, but Doctor Anna took good care of all the awful people in this miserable town, and we end on a shot of the bees buzzing in their hive, as if to say, “We told her to go!”

A and I sat on the couch, stunned that we had been duped by yet another tragic LGBT film. I even looked up the book the movie is based on, and found out that at the end of novel, they do end up together and live out their lives in Italy! ITALY!

Why can’t we ever get a happy ending?

So when Jessie and I rolled into Avengers: Endgame the next day, my expectations were low. I just didn’t want it to disappoint Mrs. Tiggywinkle. She’s been waiting a whole year to see this!

I should explain.

Mrs. Tiggywinkle was one of my favorite characters from Beatrix Potter’s stories, and when Jessie and I went to see Black Panther over a year ago and the little merch stand at the theater was selling stuff for that horrendous CGI version of Peter Rabbit, I had to rescue her from a lifetime of inhaling fumes from the popcorn machine.

And it turns out, she’s a bit of a Marvel fan. Endgame was her fourth movie with us, after Black Panther, Infinity War, and Captain Marvel. In fact, when I got to the theater, Jessie’s first question was “Did you bring her?”

Mrs. Tiggywinkle rode in my bag on top of two cans of contraband Diet Coke and a pack of cranberry-orange muffins. I’m not going into a three hour movie without supplies.

My expectations were exceeded the moment I saw our savior, Sweet Space Lesbian Jesus, emerge from the pitiless hell void of space to save us all. I actually gasped when I saw her haircut. “Is this happening?” I said, frantically nudging Jessie. “This is happening. A gay superhero is going to save the day.”

But she doesn’t get to really get to be gay or, really save the day. And her girlfriend (sorry, “best friend”) and their child AND HER CAT are nowhere to be seen. Sure, there is one LGBT™ character that is being hyped by the powers that be, but this character is on screen for maybe fifteen seconds, has no relevance to the plot, does not get a name, and can and will be easily cut out for Chinese distribution.

It’s not good enough. Tell It To The Bees is not good enough either. Furtive gazes between cardboard cutouts are not good enough. It doesn’t matter if we get one line of dialogue or fifty, if we’re not depicted as real people with real hopes and dreams and fears and triumphs.

Marvel has made us cry for a talking raccoon and a sentient plant that says three words. Creating an LGBT character that the world can cheer for should not be that hard.

          Sweet Space Lesbian Jesus Spoilers follow for both Avengers: Endgame and the independent lesbian drama Tell It To The Bees…

[1-beansss-1]

A story about my 3 delinquents!

MARA! The rude one that gets into fights everyday and often gets in trouble, getting in detention or suspended

LERI! The tired one who doesn't fight all that often but when he does it's normally about people waking him up

JINX! The rich trouble maker that loves to toy with people and loves getting reactions out of anyone

I can't really give you a visual on the other characters but I did post Jinx in the past

"Mara got suspended again" Jinx said walking next to Leri, going to their normal hangout place. "For how long? A week like last time?" Leri said with a yawn.

The pair got to their normal spot, the back of the school. Leri sat down against the wall

"probably, she didn't say for how long.." Jinx said while climbing a nearby tree

"Ah ok.. weird, doesn't she normally tell you theses things?" Leri said closing his eyes for a nap

"Mhm" Jinx said struggling a bit with the tree but finally got to a place where they could sit.

"It's a bit boring without Mara isn't it?" Jinx said hanging themselves upside-down on the tree

"Mm.. i guess.." Leri said sleepily "now let me sleep."

"Fine.." Jinx sighed and pulled out their phone.

Their was a rustle at the school gate.

"HEY FUCKHEADS!" someone said from behind the gate

Jinx got startled by the sudden noise and fell out the tree "god fucking dammit.. ow.." Jinx mumbled looking over at the gate "Mara? What are you doing.."

"Get over here and I'll tell ya! Oh and wake up Leri" Mara said messing with the gate

"WAKE UP" Jinx said slapping Leri's head

"WHAT?!" Leri yelled "How many times do I have to tell you.. DON'T WAKE ME UP!" "come on Mara's at the gate" Jinx said walking over to the gate laughing a bit.

Leri sighed getting up "it better be good.."

"Ok, climb over the gate" Mara said to both of them "and hurry!"

Without hesitation Jinx climbed the gate and jumped off on the other side.

Leri crossed his arms "why??"

"You wanna get out of school right!?" Mara said trying to persuade Leri to come

"Bro I wanna nap.." Leri said losing his patiences

"Oh come on! You a pussy?" Jinx said knowing that would make him come

Leri grumbled a bit climbing the fence "there.. you happy?" Leri huffed

"Yeah yeah.. come on!" Mara led the group to a small shop "there's only one cashier, no cameras, no nothing! Jinx you distract the shop keeper while me and Leri get snacks and stuff"

"Ok cool!" Jinx said leaning against the building

Mara and Leri walked in the store while Jinx messed around outside. The cashier saw Jinx and walked outside

"HEY! No loitering! Buy something or get going!" The shop keeper snapped

"Ok ok.. I'll go in" Jinx said walking in the store and looked at the stuff near the door "hey! Is this any good?" They pointed to a candy bar.

"I don't know, why don't you buy it!" The cashier sighed

"Hmm.." Jinx picked it up and opened it, taking a bite. "Oh no, that tases like shit.." they said putting it back on the shelf

"HEY HEY! You gotta buy that now! Don't just put it back!" The shop keeper said.

"But it's awful! Here you try it!" Jinx said handing it to them.

"Ohh no! Just buy the damn thing!" The cashier said loosing their patience.

"Fine fine.." Jinx said and grabbed some more candy "ok how much is this?"

"$5.99"

"Oh wow expensive isn't it?" Jinx said pushing their luck.

"Just pay and get out!" The cashier huffed.

"You're really rude.. is this how you treat your other customers?" Jinx said handing the money to the cashier and put the candy in his pocket.

The shop keeper didn't say anything they had enough of Jinx already.

"Ohh I get it the silent treatment!" Jinx said glancing out the store, seeing Mara and Leri outside. "Well have a wonderful day, rude ass!" Jinx walked out waving at the cashier.

"damn Jinx you really pissed that guy off huh.." Leri said with a smile

"Yeah, but I didn't wanna push it too much.." Jinx said "ok Mara, what's next?"

"Movies!" Mara said walking off.

Jinx and Leri followed closely behind Mara

"We'll wait till people come out and then we sneek in!" Mara said to the pair

They got to the movie theater, they waited till people walked out of the exit doors and walked in.

"Hey Mara did you get a snack that looks like it's from here?" Jinx said looking at Mara

"Yeah, why?" Mara said looking confused

"Just give it here!" Jinx held their hand out "come on hurry!"

Mara handed Jinx the food and Jinx opened it and started eating.

"Hey! Jinx!" Leri said pushing Jinx a bit

"Just wait a minute! God.." Jinx said pushing Leri back.

An employee saw the group and walked over

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Eating, can't you see?" Jinx said shaking the bag they where holding.

"Yes but why.. movie is over!" The employee said looking confused "come on you can eat in your car or something"

"Nah, I payed for it here so I'm eating it here!"

"Fine whatever.." the employee said "i don't get payed enough for this shit" they said under their breath.

Jinx smiled "see? Now let's wait for a group to go in"

[eleanoreatspeaches]

An excerpt: of time, of me, of my writership.

“Love letter to Saturn”

————————————

I started the night off with two or so shots in a rose lemon beverage (getting super drunk is not my favorite because i’m worried i’ll get angry and say something out of line, where’s the line anyways? who says where the damn line is?) I bought along with some month’s groceries. It didn’t taste like alcohol at all.

the two black birds look down on me like they have something to say, a beautigul Aphrodite with a ring in her name— i’m showered with feelings that feel like words when she arises— girl from art class.

I showered last night, around 7 o clock. He was in a white button down, tucked in with a black bowtie; I felt nervous— I hope awkwardness in somebody so beautifully awkward such as me comes off at least a little bit daunting if attractive at all when I find myself in situations out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I can’t help but go back in forth in my decision making. Does he look at me? I seem to be so aware of the environment when I want to be but I don’t see him look at me…… until around 3 a.m., the night coming to an end (I’d carpooled with my roommates to the party). I went over to sit by him, not something I’d generally do but excitement is like fuel for the writer without a story. We talked of a few things, but really I was just watching his eyes meet mine as his mouth moved. It ended, he went to sleep. I went home and wrote this.

He was pretty intoxicated, I’d love to know what he thought about. / He mentioned my name

a few times, actually. His hand touched mine during a game of rage cage, I had a cup in front of me and had lost the ball; his instinct was to replenish it, for anyone in the game. Those fast hands and rosy voice really got me. I wonder if he sees the way I look when his presence gets louder. During our conversation... that time, I believe it was mine that reached for his actually. I’ve never been much of a confident person but it’s fun in an almost cynical way to stare him down. I’m not sure what I’m getting at.

I guess I could have said…. well, just about anything more but I guess I could have said—

I like the way you say my name, sounds like there’s more to it than there is….. and there already is, trust me… I’ve dreamt about you, one of those ones that has taken place already; you know how it is— or you will. I see you. I understand the complacency of not wanting to do that thing— the one thing you have always felt like you’re supposed to do in life. I understand the feelings but they’re not what reside in my body; they are of a story not travelled by my soul. A told one, though, here— is that I want more time. I crawl through spaces alike to find a feeling felt another time because of a lie told by a devil in time. I’ve ran far away from him now but something of my soul wants more story. Maybe I know I’m close to the end. Maybe I don’t think my one-liners will be good enough, goosebumps goodbyes or Robin Williams-esque lines… or maybe I am greedy and want more time. I see it now and I want it all aligned but there’s a line I want to write for myself this time— and it’s you, this.. something to find. Your eyes…

It’s 2:36 in the morning a few nights later. I’m

thinking about a lot of different things; in fact, probably almost every factor of what is making my life right now, outcomes on either side of time— past or present though if you think in terms of thoughts, it’s all the same as to how I would think in any point of time. Sometimes I imagine myself walking through the university, from the elevator on the 4th floor of the Joe just around the corner to the blind onion. I imagine myself with a friend, and I’m telling her about you. It feels as though my soul bleeds out when I plead the spirits above a wish of success at a poetry night coming up that week in that very spot. Maybe you’d show up. Now… imagine me lying in my bed, writing this… story? in an app I bought on my phone for $5.99 when I probably should’ve bought dinner instead; is it sad? Do you see it, do you see me? Who tells the sad, pathetic, agonizing & invigorating story of my writership— who sees the girl at 3 a.m. but me? To my roommates, awkward apprehensive athlete tries her best, talks to a friend of a friend (to make friends?) (to make it less awkward?) (to show she’s involved?) for an hour before leaving a party I was never drunk at in the first place… To her parents. Girl who can’t make a decision… I know at least as somewhat of a fact that this is only a story I’ve made up in my head. Something that felt like misery to get out only to always wake up instead; sometimes that is more painful. To me, to me— girl who wants a story; writer with a block called boredom or lack of lust in some lackluster glory. Congratulations, you see God. I don’t mean to put myself down, in fact it’s important to me to state that we are writing this together— myself and the one of me that sees God. To some I may sound crazy— no matter, those who will see will see. Is a want for suffering damnatory God, or shall you forgive me for that too? I’m sorry if I’m pushing you. I’m in awe of the life given but I’ve seen the magic and I want more… creation is what you own and I see the beauty in that but who am I to take hold of that in my simple hands— would you not call that a “god complex” as well? I hear your words, you know. When I say one I do truly mean it, it seems. The word ‘I’ holds a spot of righteousness due to it’s clarity now, when it falls from my mouth I hear less angst and more wisdom but what is of me that feels so against the very ground I walk on? I step in rhythm and yet any key out of line sounds so disgustingly intriguing.

Stop and stare, watch.

Perhaps this is of the human experience and it too will cease.

Perhaps I am scared of the death of anything… wading in the water for all eternity though it is what I least want. How do you suggest I coexist with death, God? How do you do it?

To me, from the rhythm of the room: Girl with power. Watches her words being written and her dreams being dreamt; makes something of the words that run overhead.

Girl with power, boy with angst, convoluted tasks.

Girl with power….. girl from art class.