#and it's ridiculous that staff can completely erase posts that are about a staff member but not actual t*rfs/n*zis/etc.

[akari-hope]

people's inability to talk about situations with nuance online is causing bizarre problems yet again

[foul-fortune-feline]

Aren't u supposed to post abt ur life or smth on this site

Well here goes.

I've had a less than great past few days. I had my best friend nearly throw away much of what was keeping her safe, to which I responded, in my desperation, almost as poorly as I could've imagined.

The next day started great. I went to a job fair and made some very promising connections.

It ended poorly. Someone in the transitional house I was living in didn't like me. Let's call her Aleph. Aleph came up to me while I was talking with a staff member, and said some ridiculously ironic shit, telling me not to interrupt her while talking to staff to bitch at her (as she did exactly that, despite I'd been avoiding her?) Anyway, things escalated.

She grabbed me by the hair, pulled me out of my seat, and shoved her face in mine. Threatened me with murder. And I learned something about myself during this encounter. I could think of a few ways to get out of the situation. First, I went through what to say. I tried thinking of many different things but none of them were capable of defusing the situation. So flight was my next option. I would've tried to run had she not had my hair (despite being cornered). I thought of ways to make her release me. I could've knocked her to the floor, broken her arm, headbutted her in the nose. All these things would've been near certain escape almost unharmed, for me. I filed them as "very last ditch ideas". I ended up going with the stupid one I'd only seen in media.

Assailant grabs victim, in much the same fashion as she was me. Victim spits, assailant drops victim to wipe face, victim has a chance to run.

"My best chance" I thought. Completely uncertain of the viability, but no real harm caused to the very person threatening to kill me. That was the concern.

It didn't work. She immediately threw me to the ground, still holding my hair, and started beating me in the face with her knee. By the second blow I already knew if I turned amd kicked of a nearby desk I could easily throw her to the ground. A chance to escape. And an immediate nonoption. "What if she hit her head, or I broke something?"

Why?? I couldn't even tell you. But as she continued to wail on my face with great brutality, while telling me "If we were outside right now I'd kill you", I sat, knowing exactly how to escape the situation but not even attempting for fear of damaging someone.

I'm no saint, but apparently I'm a pacifist. To a fault in some interpretations, while others have praised me for it. I personally don't really know how to feel, but I defo want to learn some de-escalation techniques.

So I couldn't throw a punch to save my life, right? And I'm too damn dumb to know how to get out of such a situation otherwise. Well I got kicked out of my housing for it. Yea. Because of the spit. I dunno abt you, but that seems like a possibly misguided attempt at self-defense, in which I was more concerned about my assailant's health and wellbeing than my own.

So now, I'm going to be put out on the streets. With said agressor. I was terrified. How could I sleep at night? I turned to the one person I knew I was capable of harming. I hadn't made it to the edge of the first story railing by the time I was brought to the ground by a member of staff.

I don't know if I would've done it. I doubt it. I really want to live, and sure I was terrified but I'm pretty sure I just wanted to see if even that was available as an escape route. As mentioned, it wasn't. But another had opened, of sorts.

I answered the cop's questions honestly, and he said he couldn't take me in as I didn't meet criteria for a 51-50. So the case manager for the program suggested I talk to someone. I answered essentially "Yes??? Of course??????? Trauma???"

And so he took me to a mental facility and I swear fast talked me into there. I had no one to talk to. We weren't allowed erasers, so I couldn't draw.

I tried talking to some of the folk there but those who weren't yelling and banging on the walls (getting a good few anxiety attacks out of me and a couple full on panic attacks) would either hear completely different words than I said, or incessantly misgender me, or only talk about sexual experiences in disgusting detail.

I met somebody awesome the last day I was there. But for most of the first two I had TV and sleep as company, along with staff who were scarcely receptive to conversation.

At the end of the second day I was going stir crazy and finally got some contacts out of my phone so I could talk to a friend. I sobbed so hard through most of the conversation I soaked a good portion of my shirt.

I got out, and I'm doing a helluva lot better. I've got a bed for the night, I was able to shower, fresh clothes, study, watch the latest episode of Netflix's Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj, study. But I've got no idea where I'll sleep tomorrow.

And I have to carry two suitcases and a backpack everywhere I go (along with my purse, which purse + suitcase = hell)

I've filed a grievance against the handling of the situation, especially with the times Aleph had openly threatened me in front of staff and how I'd pushed for a conflict resolution workshop or something similar. But until that goes through I'm vulnerable.

I have $22 and no credit card (plus debt). I've applied for GA, meeting on Wednesday.

I need to:

A) Find somewhere to sleep

B) Avoid cops

C) Avoid Aleph (esp in unsurveilled areas)

D) Be interview-ready, should the need arise

E) Keep all my stuff safe

I dunno what to do, really. I'm going to spend as much time looking for resources as I can, but I really don't know what to do.

If by some miracle any of my couple dozen or so mutuals have any advice I'd love to hear it. I live in Sacramento, CA. Honestly a safe place to store my shit alone would be a miracle.

[kyrieanne]

ltcommanderkathrynjaneway

replied to your post

“ltcommanderkathrynjaneway replied to your post: ...”

Oh god, I’m currently sitting through a sermon on why homosexuality is a sin and how the pastors/conferences who are ignoring the Book of Discipline are violating the oaths they took when they were ordained. The tone of voice... If I didn’t have to play handbells after the sermon (and at the next service) I would already have walked out.

I wish I could bundle you up and have you come sit in my local UMC church.

Not cause we’re perfect...simply because we’re trying to grapple with the messiness of our faith and culture. 

For the sermon this Sunday, my pastor sent me a draft of her sermon and I took issue with a part of it -- a story she told about the county dismantling a camp of homeless folks who had created a mini-tent city near our church. She said the state never gave any warning; I countered that wasn’t true because my staff member talked to the people living there at the request of the state - to let them know that this camp was in violation of zoning code, you couldn’t have open air fires on exit ramps from the highway, etc. My staff member managed to get a few folks into housing, and according to her (she works full-time with our homeless population in the city) the other people living there weren’t interested in receiving help. 

(One of the weird things I’ve grappled with working with homeless folks is that I don’t know if I have the strength to be homeless. So much of my self-worth and identity is woven into my accomplishments and education. Do you realize how much fucking work it is to ask for help? To walk through a city, knock on doors, to call random cell numbers, and most of the time to be told there are a dozen hoops you have to jump through before you count as someone worthy of help?) 

I pushed back to my pastor - I told her the facts I knew about the story she wanted to tell - and I said:  this isn’t true, you’re simplifying the story to the point of a lie. She pushed back to say - yes the state gave warning months in advance, but the day of they threw all of the homeless people’s property into the trash without any warning. They dared to do that because the people were homeless - they don’t count. I countered to say:  by leaving out the real efforts made by real people in the system to give warning, to help move people into housing (some of which actually worked), you create an us/them dialectic that is a false wall. You erase the human-ness of the system when it is completely human - flawed, ridiculously overwrought, but also embodied by real people.  

We went back and forth about the ethic of presenting a story overly-simplified from a pulpit, a natural position of power. She modified what she was saying some, and she said some things that probably I wouldn’t have said as fervently as she did:  namely, the message of Jesus is not a comfort to those in positions of power -- and you, a white, like-to-think-progressive congregation in the American South -- you should not let yourselves off the hook because you want the denomination to “be on the right side of history.”

While it’s messier than my first inclination - I’m glad she said it. 

I wish I could bundle you up not because there is a perfect church out there - never, it will never exist - but because I want everyone who has any interest in God (and if you don’t - that’s cool, thank you for putting up with my religious posts) to know there exist places out there where your questions are met with honest messiness. 

I’ve said it in church meetings and I believe it to be true to the marrow of my being:  doing church isn’t hard - it isn’t rocket science - it’s gathering to worship God, organizing people and resources in a way that is never about the bottom line, and always when we can say yes to someone in need, we simply say it. Yes, my door is open to you. How can I show you love in the way that love has been shown to me? 

But people f-ing suck. That is what makes church hard. I say that not as a concession - f-everything people are terrible POV - but as a confession:  I’m a hot mess and I need church; also church needs me to speak up because it also is a hot mess. 

I wish I could bundle up anyone who has ever bristled from the pews - not to explain away or excuse what has been said. Rather, to say:  I see you. I’m part of the church. You are seen by a messed up institution that constantly struggles to name what living looks like in a way & truth that back up your Jesus talk.

Unreleated to the Jesus-talk stuff...I was in handbells for a hot second until the director kicked me out for poor singing t o the point of distraction. 

[stmaartennews-blog]

Incompetence+Arrogance=Complete Failure More St Maartener Opinions Joslyn Morton

Incompetence+Arrogance=Complete Failure More St Maartener Opinions Joslyn Morton Dear Editor If an elected official cannot represent the people’s interest, then it’s time for him to step down and quit blocking the growth of this country! For far too long, we are being forced to endure the nonchalant behaviour of this minister, who feels like he has no obligation to the community in which he was mandated to serve. Every issue that warranties his support is either pushed aside or shrouded with excessive speech, only to highlight his inept and selfish attitude. There are no more questions to determine if his real personality is the one that emerged during the election campaign, or what is being displayed at present. The pretence has been shattered by his inability to handle the social and labour issues that are plaguing the country. Then it calls to mind: Why do Parliamentarians and the population continue to tolerate the incompetence of Minister Emil Lee? Can’t they see that this Minister has no interest in tackling the labour and social situations on St. Maarten? Then why keep him in his current position? This is a total waste of tax payers’ money and a consistent black eye to the economy. Speaking of labour, some time ago Minister Emil Lee had a discussion with the personnel of that department. The main purpose was to have a name change. When the staff came up with an alternative, even though reluctant to do so, the Minister chose to disregard their efforts by erasing the name from his phone and offered, “Office of Opportunity” instead. How ridiculous! Then the nagging question is, opportunity for whom? All over the world the office is named exactly what it is. But as usual, everything the Minister does is about boosting his ego. To add insult to injury, all of a sudden Minister Lee realized that the signing of work permits must be halted to accommodate locals. It would be interesting to know who he refers to as being locals. The ineffectiveness of the Labour and Justice Ministries is what has caused the island to plunge into total bankruptcy. Besides the hot pursuit of a new hospital, this Minister tends to focus on petty things that his subordinates at the Health Department can handle. First it was the bats, now the mosquitoes. What’s next? Is he going to teach the kindergarteners how to tie their shoes? Minister Lee needs to man up to the Justice Minister and demand immediate collaboration to bring back stability to the labour industry. It was so intriguing to hear Minister Lee confirm that the new hospital is just a building. He had to go to St. Lucia to learn this fact - a reality that was conveyed to him repeatedly by journalists and conscious minds within the community. Why is this minister so hell bent on building a new hospital, when there is no money available for such an elaborate project? Would his construction company be involved in the building process? A Health Minister, who cares about this community, would make it a priority to invest time and money to research what is causing this health situation to deteriorate so badly. Something is not kosher. To view the new hospital as a means of alleviating the hefty cost to fly patients abroad, or even to accommodate the surrounding islands is just a fallacy. The reality is: the others Caribbean islands lay wait to capitalize on ideas that will propel them as the leading destination. So by the time the hospital is finished, the broader vision would have become obsolete. My biggest contention is: What is the real trade off of this mission? Is it to set up another empire like the Harbour or to invest in prevention, which will lead to a robust SZV reserve? Nothing is surprising anymore. Imagine Minister Emil Lee recently announced that he was unable to fix the roof of a senior citizen because the gentleman did not have the title for the land. What lack of empathy and cruelty to the highest degree! Then Minister Lee proceeded by saying that someone from another political party repaired the house. The Minister lamented further that shortly after the man’s roof was fixed, he sported a T-shirt in support of the party that aided him, and that the gentleman compromised his integrity by selling his vote. This is very strange! How does the Minister know that the senior sold his vote, and if he is so certain, why didn’t he come forward when the prosecutor was asking for assistance in the vote-buying case that involved members of that same party? Besides, why does the Minister think that he is so squeaky clean in the eyes of the public, when it was rumoured throughout the campaign that he too was engaged in the same thing. And, when it became known that his votes were tripled from that of 2014, the rumour was intensified. Why didn’t he refute this? The performance of any politician is an accurate reflection of his or her philosophy. It is very clear that Minister Emil Lee is a reactive politician. This further demonstrates that he is not the appropriate person for the position of Social and Labour Affairs. Therefore, he needs to do the honourable thing and make his position available!When Will Remove This Incompetent Government? Joslyn Morton

Incompetence+Arrogance=Complete Failure More St Maartener Opinions Joslyn Morton

Sxm Government William Marlin = Incompetence William Marlin's Incompetence Lol Click to Post