#and its genuinely shitty and pointless

[francy-sketches]

Objectively cersei is a terrible mom to all her kids not just tommen like just bc she’s not outright abusive to joffrey doesn’t mean she did a good job raising him lol. But also part of me is like nooo how could she be a bad mom to him that’s her baby boy she’s just encouraging his interests which just happen to be murder and abuse (god forbid women do anything) 🙄 And it just so happens that he’s a perfect little clone of her I’m sure she’d still care about him if he wasn’t 🥰 Maybe tommen and myrcella just have bad vibes have you considered that. Maybe they’re just stupid little flop babies it’s not her fault -_- they don’t even have a passing interest in atrocities. Cringe

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Ive been thinking about how Rhysand being highlord is incredibly pointless and pretty much only serves to make him more dislikable because this series keeps going on and on about how much Tamlin sucks as a ruler, meanwhile Rhysand is over there neglecting two thirds of his (known) court with the thinnest justifications imaginable, not to mention how much worse it makes feysand (atleast conceptually) because really most of Feyres issues with Tamlin that didnt come down to both of them being too traumatized to function together came down to Tamlin being a monarch and her being his fiance, and the only reason shes not having those same issues with Rhys is that he simply absolves her of any actual Lady/High Lady responsibilities, but im getting off-topic. I genuinely think the main reason Rhys is a high lord instead of just like, a powerful general which would make way more sense for his character, is that SJM finds power really hot and I guess if Rhysand was more magically powerful than Tamlin but had less state power and authority that would make him feel like a downgrade, so we get Rhysand being The Most Powerful Highlord In The History of PrythianTM. But then that make me think. hey, why isnt Rhys just in Keirs position. Like, hes not the Highlord of the night court hes just lackey whos in charge of the hewn city and illyria, those less savory parts of the NC that the HL uses as big meatshield factories for the sake of protecting his precious city of starlight, so he still has all this state power and authority but hes also actually an underdog and has an actual reason for putting on a mask. Yknow, the Hewn City is mostly just a normal city with people having the best lives they can without ever seeing the sky because Rhys is actually good at running it, but then everytime the HL comes along they put on a big show of evil for him to feel superior to, or maybe its just Rhys and other high ranking officials putting on a show idk

OH this would actually go really well with that idea I had a few months ago of Rhys having a full-fae halfbrother from his dad's previous non-mate marriage. Like, Rhys is the less favored son so they make him do all this dirty work while his dad and halfbrother luxuriate in Velaris, maybe theres a whole thing where they think Rhys cant inherit the HL powers because hes half-illyrian and then at the end of the trilogy they kill his dad and the powers go to him and its a big triumphant moment because Rhys triumphed over his shitty blood-family's weird biological essentialism. OR if you wanted to girlboss it, maybe having received that drop of the HL's power makes Feyre inherit it instead idk and now you have a brand-new ruler who can properly unite Velaris, the Hewn City and Illyria into one court (i mean, i would prefer Illyria be independant from the NC, but I doubt SJM would ever even think of writing that, so unification with the illyrians getting equal rights is the best i could hope for)

[wisebeth]

LISTEN. im not a big fan of love triangles, mostly because they're usually pointless or there to stir up unnecessary drama but i will admit i genuinely liked the rachel-percy-annabeth love triangle.

but i personally think the rachel-annabeth represented something deeper than just two girls who like the main character. rachel and annabeth both symbolised two different aspects of percy's life. while annabeth represented his demigod life and godly heritage, rachel represented his mortal upbringing. percy is a bridge between these two worlds, while he is a demigod and it'll forever be a part of him, he also grew up as a mortal child and being a mortal gives him a sense of normalcy, and choosing one over the other is percy choosing which life he chose to identity himself with.

annabeth chase links him to his godly heritage

percy met annabeth and the whole chb when he was struggling as a mortal kid, he felt like an outcast in school, his stepdad was a shitty man, and then ultimately he lost his mom. his experience in the mortal world was not good at all. in fact the only thing which happened to him that time was becoming grover's friend, who once again, was a part of the demigod life.

finding chb was a blessing to him. he met kids who are just like him. he made friends who genuinely care for him. he found the love of his life there. he found a way to get rid of smelly gabe and get his mother back. he met his dad. the start of percy and sally's better life started after percy learned his demigod heritage. it gave him a second place to call home.

and annabeth was a part of all of it. annabeth was a demigod. she associates herself with the demigod world. she is proud of it. she was one of percy's first friends. she was also one of the major reasons why chb felt home to percy. she was an important of his whole demigod journey. she fought by his side. they risked their life for each other. they understood and felt home to each other. they were for each other at their lowest points and even happiest points.

“See, Annabeth wants to be an architect when she grows up, so she’s always visiting famous monuments and stuff. She’s weird that way. She’d e-mailed me the picture after spring break, and every once in a while I’d look at it just to remind myself she was real and Camp Half-Blood hadn’t just been my imagination.”

– percy jackson and the sea of monsters

rachel dare reminds him of his mortal upbringing

while chb gave him another home and true friends, being a demigod also had its cons, such as he constantly has to be on guard and watch out for monster attacks. his life is far from normal and stress-free, he rarely gets time to act like a teenager. on top of that, he has to watch his friends die, get betrayed by someone he looked upto and now there's a war coming up. no child deserves to go through that.

percy needed a break and a sense of normalcy, and that normalcy in this case was the life he could lead as a mortal. no monster attacks. no war. which means no stress and no further trauma. he can be a teenager for once. living his life as a normal highschool student is far better than this.

rachel was a mortal, and like percy she grew up as a mortal. she wasn't connected or involved to any of the demigod stuff. she was just percy's mortal friend who helped him when he needed. percy spent his entire summer right before the war with her. away from chb. because she provided him that normalcy at a time of war. she provided him the temporary break he needed.

“We'd spent a lot of time together this summer. I hadn't exactly planned it that way, but the more serious things got at camp, the more I found myself needing to call up Rachel and get away, just for some breathing room. I needed to remind myself that the mortal world was still out there, away from all the monsters using me as their personal punching bag.”

– percy jackson and the last olympian

It's not a coincidence rick used similar words to describe how annabeth and rachel made him feel

percy ending up with annabeth also signifies how he ultimately chose his demigod life.

while rachel provided him a break from all this stress, and he enjoyed her company, his feelings and connection with annabeth was too deep for him to suddenly go out with rachel just because he and annabeth had a fight. even if he tried to go out with rachel instead, he wouldn't have been happy with her.

just like how the mortal world could give him a temporary normalcy, he could never truly escape from his demigod life. it will forever be a part of him. even with all its flaws and cons, camp half blood was his home and the only place he feels understood. he can never turn his back on it, even if he tried, he would fail.

[aster-spiral-30]

It’s been one month after Hazbin Hotel season 1 has finished.

I have such conflicting feelings on it, because the bad aspects of this show strongly eclipses the good parts of it.

I really wanted the show to be good. It would have been somewhat good even with its flaws- if Episode 4 didn’t exist. It was painful to watch.

And if there were more episodes to explore the characters and the world building. I miss the days of 22 episode TV seasons.

But like, I’m still genuinely disgusted with the entirety of episode 4, and Viv’s flippant attitude toward serious material.

It was disrespectful as Hell, like that shitty “I Spit on Your Grave” movie but at least there’s revenge in that movie.

Write a scene calling the rape victim character a “loser” in a shitty song repeatedly? …Fuck you, I genuinely hate you.

I can’t watch that episode again, knowing that she hired & she is friends with a shitty person that fetishized sex crimes- and sexually harassed a critic. Vile.

I seriously wish that some higher-up in Bento Box (animation company) or A24 or Amazon (distribution) had put their foot down because the final product of episode 4 was godawful.

But I doubt they will for season 2 and more. I don’t have the high hopes for it, let alone expectations for it to be consistently good. Because season 1 had 4 years to be made, and it was not good.

And at the end of season 1, Angel Dust is still a sex slave, despite surviving the Extermination Raid. Charlie knew about it for nearly 6 months, she didn’t do a goddamn thing to stop it.

“BUT IT TAKES PLACE IN HELL! EVERYONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE AWFUL!!” —annoying people

Oh is that right? Then redemption sure does seem fucking pointless, I’d say. Why should shitty people go to Heaven? (Yes Adam was there which made no sense, but he’s only one)

I’m so fuckin tired, man. This sucks.

Why do I even bother with any new television? None of it’s good.

[resident-gay-bitch]

part one of this can be found here :) it has little steddie

"subtle." steve said, leaning up against the backside of the rv they'd stolen, folding his arms over his chest as he looked on at eddie.

eddie flinched back, almost dropping his cigarette, "shit." he gasped and then relaxed when he saw it was steve standing there, "yeah, well... it's better than getting another lecture about lung cancer from baby sinclare."

steve chuckled softly to walk over and crouch on the grass beside him, "care to share?"

"he rhymes!" eddie said with a little dramatic flare as he passed the smoke over to steve.

steve grinned as he inhaled and they settled into a comfortable silence. they passed the smoke back and forth a few times. he looked at eddie in the silence, playing a thousand different possible conversations over in his mind.

"you'll protect dustin, right?" steve asked.

eddie blinked at him, pressing the smoke between his lips, "what?"

"down there." steve said, like it was simple, "when you're... you'll keep him safe?"

eddie sighed and looked back out at the treeline, "i'd give my life to make sure that kids safe, man."

steve sighed too, a heavy one, a weight being lifted off his shoulders, "yeah..." he looked back at eddie, "me too."

eddie looked over to him, blowing out the last puff of the cigarette before he stubbed it in the grass. they locked eyes, staring at eachother with a heavy weight pushing down on their shoulders. eddie let his head fall back and thump against the rv slumping down until he was comfortably sat. steve mimicked his movements.

they shared a look, one with so much weight and pain, and they both knew what it meant. they didn't have to say it out loud to know that one of them probably wasn't going to make it back out of this alive.

eddie gave him a small smile.

steve nodded his head, "shit."

eddie laughed, and it was pained, but a laugh no less, "i'm gonna need a-fuckin-nother cigarette man."

"we have bigger problems than lung cancer to worry about right now." steve said, holding his hand out as eddie fumbled with his pack of camels.

he huffed a laugh and placed a cigarette between steves long fingers, "damn right."

steve watched with a small smile as eddie searched for his lighter and quickly lit it as steve inahled. eddie's hand lingered, holding the lighter without a flame at the end of the cigarette as steve held his breath. his eyes fixed on steves lips as he drew the smoke away and blew. he only snapped out of it and pulled back when the smoke drifted to his face.

steve handed him the cigarette.

"did you have a good life, at least?"

eddie shrugged, "ah... i wouldn't say good, but... not bad either, y'know?"

"yeah." steve sighed, "same here."

"really?" eddie hummed around the cigarette, "you got that big house and girls fawning over you and you wouldn't call that a good life?"

steve furrowed his brow and looked at eddie, and if that sentance was said any other way, steve probably would have taken offence to it. but eddie said it with such genuine curiosity that it lead steve to feel a little bad. eddie didn't have a big house, and steve had seen the way that girls would look at him, heard the way they'd talk about him. to steve, those two things seemed so pointless and stupid these days, they couldn't make a good life. but to someone like eddie, those thinks might have been gold.

"yeah..." steve said with a small shrug, "i guess those things are okay... i mean, i've got a big house but it's always so empty. and those girls man? its great in theory, but they all just come and go, only there for one thing. kinda shitty when you think about it."

"oh." eddie said, looking deeply at steve as he tapped the ash off the smoke before handing it to steve, "wheelers the only one that meant somethin, huh?"

steve scoffed and laughed, "yeah..." he took a smoke, "s'bullshit though."

eddie nodded and looked back out to the trees, "i'd give anything for a big house like yours... wayne doesn't even have his own room in our trailer."

"it's so lonely, man." steve shrugged, "maybe if my parents were around more than like... two weeks in a year, or i had a sibling or something, but..."

"oh." eddie swallowed, "didn't know you had shitty parents."

"don't tell many people."

eddie sighed, "i know how you feel... mum overdosed when i was ten, and dad..."

"taught you how to hotwire a car." steve nodded and thumped his head back against the rv, "you needn't say much more."

eddie laughed quietly, "yeah."

"but the good stuff?"

"well... i got my boys, you know, the band-"

"corroded coffin, right?" steve asked and handed the cigarette back. he ignored the way his stomach flipped at eddie's bright smile and the fresh glow in his eyes at the fact that steve remembered- no, that he knew, "dustin doesn't shut up about you, man... he's- he's been begging me to take him to one of your shows because the bar wont let him in alone."

eddie smiled so brightly, bashfully, "really?" he scrunched up his nose, and steve thought he was beautiful.

"yeah... but i kept saying no, cause, like... why would i want to go see eddie, the freak, munsons metal band play in some dodgy dive bar on a random tuesday, you know?" he laughed, and eddie did too, thankfully not offended. steve wasn't trying to offend him, afterall, it was just a fact, "wish i had now."

"don't dwell on the past, stevie." eddie sighed, puffing a thin cloud of smoke out to the sky.

steves heart skipped a beat at the nickname.

"for dustins sake, man..." he gave eddie small smile, "now i'll never get to take him to one of your shows."

"probably." eddie insisted, giving steve a stern glare with an arch of his eyebrow, "not definitely... you need to try your best to make it back to him."

"you too." steve smiled.

"i need to make it back to wayne..." he sighed, "that man, he... he took me in and gave up his whole life to look after me, ya know? it's not fair of me to just... die on the spot."

steve nodded, "same with robin."

"steve..." eddie said, his eyes sinking as he turned his head towards him.

"yeah?"

"promise me..." eddie swallowed, "promise me, if you get out of here... if i don't... tell him thanks? tell him that i love him, and thankyou... for everything?"

"yeah, eddie." steve smiled, his hand reaching out to rest over eddies on the cool grass below them. he gave it a little squeeze, "i promise- but only if you promise to say the same to robin for me?"

"can't you tell her yourself?" eddie huffed, passing the smoke back to steve with his free hand, that wasn't trapped by steves warm one.

"she wont let me." he laughed softly and pulled the cigarette to his pretty lips, "i don't blame her."

"then, yeah." eddie smiled and flipped his hand upwards under steves so their palms connected, and so he could slot their fingers together to hold, "yeah, i promise."

they both looked out at the treeline, watching a pair of birds dance around together in the distance, feeling the cool breeze that came with the slow beginning of the sunset as they shared the end of eddies cigarette. once it was done and stubbed out in the grass, they still didn't let go of one anothers hands, they just watch the sky turn a dusky shade of pink and purple.

"tell me a secret." eddie said quietly, not looking at the other man as he spoke, but he let a soft smile creep onto his lips as he said it, "something no one else knows."

"a secret?" steve asked.

"yeah." eddie looked at him with that same soft smile, "it can be anything... your deepst darkest desire, your biggest fear, the thing that keeps you up at night... or, something super fucking embaressing that you thought you'd never tell anyone."

steve giggled softly and looked over at eddie with a pink splatter in his cheeks, "you wanna know a secret?"

"yes." eddie said with a proud smile and a nod.

"why?" steve asked.

"because... i wanna know something about steve almighty that no one else does- not even buckley!" eddie squeezed steves hand, "i think that would be an awesome power move... you know? eddie the freak, harboring something burried deep in the vault of harrington... plus, if i die, then it dies with me, no one else could ever know. if you die, then you'll be getting it off your chest. win, win."

steve squinted his eyes and smiled, "will you tell me one too?"

"only if you ask nicely." eddie hummed, gazing at steve a little dreamily, honestly.

"okay..." steve laughed, nervous under eddie's gaze, "please tell me a secret in return."

"i promise." eddie smiled.

steve grinned and looked back out at the trees, thinking of something to tell eddie. something no one else knew. something eddie could appreciate.

"okay, robin has seen this, but she doesn't know why." steve peaked at him out of the corner of his eye, and he smiled softly, eddie got rather excited, "i have a ken and a gi joe doll sitting next to eachother on the shelf in my wardrobe holding hands."

eddie burst out with laughter, "what?"

steve laughed too, "get it... cause they're... they're in the closet."

eddie looked at him blankly for a moment, and steve tried to hold back his smile. it wasn't working. he could feel his cheeks burning red and his laughter begging to break out as eddie just looked at him, dead serious.

and then they both broke, laughing loudly to the point of tears.

"i can't believe you have a closeted ken and gi joe doll in your bedroom."

"it has sentimental meaning, okay?" steve scoffed, sending a bittersweet smile to eddie.

"a double entendre, maybe?" he asked with a hopeful glint in his eye.

"yeah." steve sighed, leaning back against the rv again with a saddened smile, "robbie doesn't know about that either."

"i can't believe you remember." is what eddie said next, and it made steve blush.

"it was you." he said simply, looking over at eddie softly.

"hmm." he nodded, "i can't believe i was the start of steve harringtons sexuality crisis."

steve cracked a smile, "don't get an ego, now."

"too late." eddie sighed with a click of his tongue. he grinned wildly at steve, "already got one, big boy."

steve blushed and rolled his eyes, "come on... what's your secret?"

eddie looked at him with a soft smile now. steves skin prickled as eddie started to softly soothe the back of his palm with his calloused thumb. steve looked at him, waiting patiently for eddie's reveal. eddie turned a little pink, and steve found him adorable.

"i'm twenty one and still haven't had my first kiss."

steves eyes widened and his mouth gaped open, "what?"

eddie laughed softly, "i haven't had my-"

"i heard you..." steve muttered with a disbelieving shake of his head, "why not?"

"well, it's not as easy when you're a freak, stevie." he hummed and wiggled their combined hands, looking down at them as he spoke his next words, "plus... this real pretty boy promised to take it when i was nine."

his eyes flicked back up to steve, big, dark, baby cow eyes that steve could stare so deeply into. he swallowed, and eddie did too, and they looked at eachother for a moment.

"he's still the prettiest boy ive ever seen." eddie said, his voice almost a whisper as he just looked at steve.

steve felt himself blushing from the tips of his ears down to his stomach. sure, he was called hot and attractive all the time. but never like this. no one called him pretty, and looked at him with such genuinity and care. no one made his stomach flip like eddie did. not even nancy.

steve hopped they'd both make it out of this alive.

"you know..." steve muttered low, his eyes flickering between eddies pretty pink lips and his beautiful eyes, "i thought this from that day, and every day since... but you're the prettiest boy i've ever seen too."

eddie smiled softly, "you're not gonna let me go without having my first kiss, right?"

steve scrunched up his nose with a little giggle, and eddie laughed, "no... obviously not."

eddie smiled and licked his lips, "i don't know what i'm doing."

"luckily, i do." steve said with a grin, and it made eddie blush again, "i've never kissed a guy before, though."

eddie smiled, "good."

steve rolled his eyes and grinned, tugging on eddies hand to pull him a little closer.

eddie leant over, his other hand landing on steves thigh for support and oh, the way his face turned bright red at the action made steves stomach flip.

"s- sorry." eddie swallowed and pulled his hand away from his thigh.

steve took his hand gently and placed it back there, "its okay, don't be sorry."

"o-okay." eddie laughed a little breathlessly, clearly very fucking nervous.

steve was nervous too.

"you don't have that cough this time?" eddie asked, and it made steve giggle and shake his head.

"definitely not."

eddie grinned.

steve cupped his jaw gently, caressing his stubble ridden skin with a tenderness that seemed to make eddie melt. eddie hadn't been touched with such care before, such gentleness. he'd never had someone want to kiss him, especially not like this. steve pulled him in, and with the first brush of their lips, eddie sighed.

his eyes fluttered shut, and steve held him close as their lips pressed together a little flrmer. he let steve take the lead, because he was clueless, and they kissed for a while.

kissing eddie was good. it was sweet and a little smoky from the cigarette, and his plushy lips were just as soft as steve had imagined. kissing eddie was much better than steve thought it could ever be.

kissing steve was heaven.

when they pulled apart, eddie lifted his hand to brush some hair from steves pretty eyes, to caress his flushed cheek and thumb at his kiss swollen lip. eddie looked over him with a tenderness in his eyes, carving steves name into his heart and hoping the stone would stay that way.

"make it back..." he whispered, his eyes lifting to steves for a moment, a wetness welling up behind them, "come back to me?"

steve sucked in a breath and ran his hand through eddie's knotty curls, "you too..." steve kissed him again, "i need you to make it back too, eddie. promise me."

"okay." eddie whispered and kissed him some more, "i promise."

"i promise too." steve nudged their noses together.

they both ignored the tears that crept their way into the next kiss, knowing that unlike the last, this promise probably wouldn't stay true.

**

tags: @grtwdsmwhr @every-aj-needs-an-angel :) <3

[bueris]

not going home club (hiori yo)

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angst, hiori parent bashing, 1.9k words

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Music blasted in his ears, as loud as he could stand it, heavy bass and raggedly screamed lyrics drowning out his roommates conversation. God, guys his age could be so fucking loud and for what? To be stupid? Yeah, he was being salty but when wasn’t he, he just made sure no one else saw it.

Hiori remembered the sentence that made the headphones get brought out, it wasn’t even a full one…

“When I go home-” and that’s all he heard before he decided to tap out of the conversation. His headphones were in his hands and turned on before he really recognised what he was doing, getting frustrated with the way they refused to pair with his phone. They did eventually though, thank fucking god for that, and metal was playing through them soon after.

Sure, he felt slightly guilty for getting pissed over some small and insignificant comment his friend said. But he didn’t do anything, didn’t yell or get pissy so maybe he shouldn’t beat himself up so damn much. Still, though, he felt silly for getting so worked up for something so small but hey, he had his reasons.

The thought of going home felt physically repulsive, like he wanted to rip out from his skin and get as far away from the thought as possible. Whenever the thought crossed his mind it felt like his whole brain came to a full stop, like it hit a brick wall that prevented him from continuing along those tracks. 

Of course he didn’t want to go back, he had no plan to, actually. His parents didn’t give a fuck about him, Yo, the child they had, no they only gave a fuck about what he could do, pressing him into their shitty mould to coping with being second rate halfwits who couldn’t succeed with their own lives. Seriously, Yo’d seen those American pageant videos online, you know the one, dozens of little kids forced into the stupidest, most invasive procedures to live out the half baked dreams of their mothers who only wanted to live through them by dressing them up like they were a doll and not a person.

He related to those kids so fucking much it hurt, yeah he liked doing football now but in no way did that mean that he forgave his parents for being like that. The way waking up felt pointless and empty because the day would be filled with doing shit you had no fucking say in built up over years and crushed him with its void-like weight, soul sucking and soul crushing.

Sometimes he feels like he’d betrayed himself, his young self, the one who hurt his ankle and realised his parents didn’t really love him in the same few minutes, the one that desperately tried to be good so they’d keep loving him and more importantly each other, by learning to enjoy football in his own way. That petulant child kicked him on the inside, cleat covered foot driving its too-firm outsole into the backs of him eyes, reminding him of everything that drove him insane.

Yo didn’t really feel guilt about the resentment he harboured for his parents, no, he couldn’t. They really were exceptionally stupid, emotional creatures that were so desperate for the centre of the limelight that they just had to make a whole new person about it? He felt angry on behalf of his younger self too, how dare they do something so fucking selfish? How dare they play with him like he didn’t have his own personhood? How fucking dare they.

Ever since the incident on the stairs he’d doubted every ‘kind’ action they made, doubted the sincerity in them, doubted their motivations. It always felt forced but now he knew it absolutely was, there only just to fulfil his basic needs so he wouldn’t have a breakdown mid match or something, or god forbid, end up in therapy when he could be practising.

God it made him feel mental, how long could someone go without genuine human contact without losing it? He found out, sixteen years. Sixteen years and he still clung on. And he was mad he was clinging on, because he shouldn’t have to fucking cling to the edges of his stability with often-forced politeness, he deserved better.

And that’s why he would never go back home, when Blue Lock was over and he’d ultimately failed because being a striker wasn’t even his goal anymore he’d leave for Tokyo instead of home the second he was left unattended and disappear into the grey jungle and make it alone no matter what. Going home was the same as being stuffed back into a display home, and on top of that he’d have to deal with his parents coping with his failure.

The thought brought a smile to his face, actually, wouldn’t it be so fucking funny to watch their faces fall when his foot crossed the threshold? To watch as half of their lives crumbled into nothing with his very presence, to try and wrap their tiny minds around the fact they’d never get the spotlight they wanted. It was a gleeful feeling, to imagine they’d be crushed with hopelessness, folding under the weight of disappointment the same way he did when he realised he was only worth as much as his football was to them.

Often though, the anger and its accompanying vengeful joy shattered into pained fragments, stabbing and poking at him with an overwhelming sense of loss. If only his parents actually loved him, if only they could look at him and truly see him, witness his truth that strayed from the path they set out and still cradle him in their arms with love and sweet words.

It ached, that longing, constantly. Sometimes it was ignorable but most of the time he could tell it was there, looming over his head like the worst, most decrepit kind of shadow. An all consuming void that soaked up genuine praise like a parched sponge, but never felt full, never satiated. Sometimes he just craved to be held like he should’ve as a child.

Other times, that being most, the waves of anger intersected with the waves of sadness and they dulled each other out like opposite colours being mixed together, red and blue forced to co-exist in the childhood shaped hole in his mind. They cancelled out, filling the base of his being, the root of his psyche with a nothing colour that felt like it could block out the sun. That nothing feeling was so normal, it was everyday, it felt so weird because it was like walking around half deaf. The numbness didn’t feel like much, because he didn’t feel like much and he hadn’t for a very long time, the only breaks from it were filled with ugly feelings he’d rather ignore.

He felt tired a lot of the time, a consequence of the numbness sometimes and a result of his anger burning too bright at others. The tiredness after a bout of anger felt so bone deep, probably because it was, he had nowhere to put it and it dug through the fibres of his muscles and into his bone marrow and from the blood they produced the tiredness spread and filled him. Yo wished his anger could go somewhere, disappear off of his head like steam from water when he put his head on the pillow to finally sleep, he really wished it could.

Blue Lock felt like a monumental chore at first, playing along until he got far enough for his parents to not disown him instantly then quit and disappear. Oh, he wished he could disappear, pack his life into a bag or two and vanish from the face of the earth. Not only that, no, he wanted it to hurt. He wanted it to hurt his family, to watch them mourn the idea of their missing son, the tears they’d shed over their hopes dissolving in front of them as an intangible spectator. He wanted it to hurt him, to feel the guilt and the horrible impending doom of no longer existing as he stuffed clothes into bags until there was nothing left but the mementos that tied him to his parents that he would leave behind forever to collect dust in his empty room that was never really home.

It was a stupid childish fantasy, and a tragedy that he could only imagine half-genuine tears of half-genuine care being shed over him when he wasn’t there. But he could, if he wanted to, disappear into the city and never come back, be swallowed by its crowded streets never to be seen again.

It would be awful, the life of a teen runaway would never be easy, especially in the city. He’d considered the countryside too, miles of forest to hide in and less people to catch him. It would be easier to physically do too, to hop off the bus taking him back home, wait for it to leave and walk in the direct opposite of his house. But he wanted to live properly, live freely in society when he was of age and no longer required to be in his parent’s ‘care’, and he could only do that with a good job. Safe to say, he’d been planning this for a while, since he was a child.

God isn’t that awful? A childish plan that lasted so long it evolved, and all because two people decided to be selfish.

Yo sighed, the paper in front of him wasn’t getting any fuller, what a waste.

He wondered if his parents would’ve been happier if they hadn’t had him. Maybe they would’ve divorced and found something healthier to do with their time than reminisce, maybe his mother would’ve gone somewhere with her life instead of ending up as a miserable stay at home mother, maybe his father wouldn’t be so distant with her. Maybe, just maybe they would’ve moved on from their early peak and been happy.

And so, he felt guilty for existing sometimes, without him they could’ve moved on, had a happy life untethered by accomplishments they didn’t quite get, maybe even had a child they could love right. He kicked himself a little every time a ‘what if’ burrowed its way into his brain, that would never happen and thinking like that is useless because he’ll end up killing himself, and he intends to live long enough to abandon them.

Still, he rewatched the U-20 match sometimes, telling himself over and over that it was for the game play, but only focusing on the interviews at the end. With the glossy eyes of a child he’d watch them, watch as his peers spoke of their families, watch as their families spoke of his peers. There were highlights and social media posts that captured them embracing, the high emotions and the tears and the tight grip they had on one another that spoke of immense pride in them. 

Oh, he wanted that, he wanted it dearly because when they did it, it meant something, it was more than some self-congratulatory act. He wanted it, and he mourned all the times he never got it everyday.

And so, no matter what he’d leave them. No more watching himself from someone else’s perspective, no more living for anyone else, from the moment he stepped foot outside his parents property he’d become a member of the world’s loneliest club. The not going home club.

Yo gave up with the paper in front of him, putting the pencil down and taking his headphones off. The chatter had died down, everyone focusing on their work. Next to him, Isagi shuffled closer, their legs brushing. It was a small act but it fit a lot of worth into it, not going home meant finding a new one. He wouldn’t be alone.

------

also available on ao3!

thanks for reading ily <3

[irrealisms]

tidal forces liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

i mention this in the end notes and it's included in the web weave but a lot of this au is drawing off thoughts crystallized by part 2 of Barrier Blocks; a theme of heaven will be mine is that mecha fights aren't real war, they're play. they're communication! they can be an argument or they can be full of intimacy and joy! the point is sometimes winning but often--when it's at its best--it's about having fun. it can hurt people for real, but that's not what it's for. and this puts it in an interestingly similar place to pvp on lifesteal, to me! (this is why zam is cradle's graces--canon zam is the most attached to pvp and lifesteal as a place to fight-for-fun, and so hwbm zam is the most attached to the ship-selves and space as a place to fight-for-fun. contrast to subz's pacifism and general disinterest in the server, and to vitalasy's exploits that render pvp pointless.)

another thing i'm doing with this au: i really like putting eclipse fed in a setting where they are...genuinely at odds, they've got different worldviews, it's not like we know the devil where there's a true ending where they can all reject society and have an ending that's perfect for all of them, they're on different sides. but hwbm envisions a world where they can fight about it and then come out the other side with an ending where--it's not what 2 of them wanted. but they can still all be happy together, there. hwbm makes me believe in eclipse fed happy ending and this is rare for me & also makes me unbelievably soft

also the thing of. gravity. control over the narrative (as opposed to fighting in physical space as opposed to cheating, as three distinct things that characters do) as physical force. eclipse federation to me

speaking of narrative control. the faction that "wins" a scene is, consistently, the one who loses the physical fight. the first scene is sort of arguable since vitalasy runs away ig but-- the outcome of the fight is what vitalasy wanted, but zam is the one who wins the scene! and then in the second two chapters there are physical fights with clear winners, and whoever won the physical fight loses the narrative one. this too is eclipse federation

all of them are trans women bc the original game is very much about transness & transfeminity but it's also doing thematic stuff for all three of them. chapter 2 in particular is inspired heavily by (a) their conversation in this vod about zam leaving eclipse (b) the conversation quoted in the chapter summary between pluto and luna-terra in heaven will be mine, about how pluto identifying as a trans woman is bc she saw luna-terra and was inspired by her

i didn't explicitly get into vitalasy's gender as much but ... her issues around being seen as both [dangerous monster] and [scapegoat], and ending up sort of embracing alien-ness but in a way where she also kind of hates it, are very much tied into her transfemininity, here, as are her issues around earth and going back to earth

this is a small note but i'm really proud of the line in chapter 1, "All the implants they fit inside her couldn't make her matter more." because of the double meaning of the word "matter". matter as in physical substance--to have more of it is to have more gravity--and matter as in importance, which, in hwbm, to have more of that is also to have more gravity

subz's characterization is deliberately ... more comfortable with sincerity than canon? this is a subz who has undergone enough character growth to be openly trans and not just Wearing A Dress As A Funny Bit, yk. this is a big part of chapter two lol, subz talking about how when she was younger she was Kind Of Shitty! i debated making Subz more ironic and shitty and such in this fic also to be more accurate to canon but ultimately i think it works bc of how i explicitly establish the ways in which Subz has grown past that

chapter names! prominence eruption is a solar phenomenon but i chose it mostly just bc prominence once again has a double meaning of importance. retroreflection is the ability of a surface to reflect light back; it's lunar-themed but it's also a metaphor here for zam reflecting subz. for the last chapter i wanted something vitalasy-themed but i didn't have anything solid so i went with 'impact crater' since (a) it's pretty generic to a lot of celestial bodies (b) the Ogygia Chasma is an impact crater (c) it does work, since so much of the fic is abt the lasting aftermath of vitalasy's suicide attempt

more names, this time ship-selves: all the canon ship-selves are named after specific features of the planet their pilot is named after (for example, Pluto (character) pilots the Krun Macula, which is a dark region on Pluto (planet)); in this au, they're not named after planets, but they do have convenient space theming (subz moon zam sun vitalasy stars) in canon that i got to kind of steal from! the Montes Harbinger is a cluster of lunar mountains, so named (and so chosen) bc it's a harbinger of the dawn; the corona is the outermost layer of the sun, but it also means "crown", which is fitting for zam. vitalasy's is trickier bc "stars" is not actually a coherent....object in astronomy that has physical features, especially not ones distinct from the sun? i considered doing a constellation but one of my betas was looking at various things in the solar system to get ship-self names from and encountered the Ogygia Chasma and went "this would make vitalasy so sad" and . well. who am i to not pick names that will make vitalasy sad. (the Ogygia Chasma, on Saturn's moon Tethys, is named after the island Ogygia in the Odyssey, where Calypso trapped Odysseus for seven years, preventing him from returning home bc she wanted to marry him. i think Vitalasy would have some feelings about this and her relationships!)

in heaven will be mine, each of the three pilots (Saturn, Pluto, and Luna-Terra) mostly interact with each other, but they also each have someone in their faction who they communicate with privately and work together with to advance their faction's goals, although the specifics of the relationship vary based on the pilot. i didn't really get to show this off in the fic beyond two one-off mentions but the person filling this role for Zam is Planet and the person filling this role for Vitalasy is Spoke. i have some amount of vision for the relationships there that just didn't get onscreened at all. oh well! part of this is because i have no clue who fills this role for Subz--so much of subz's character in s4 is tied up in his isolation that it's hard to give him a confidant and teammate outside of eclipse. (zam was the easiest--if i didn't give him planet i could've given him pangi or mapicc.) realistically if i were to choose someone it'd probably be reddoons but one of my beta readers joked that the person filling this role for subz is princess of memorial foundation & renowned twitter poster Halimede and i keep imagining this and giggling to myself

i'm pretty sure zam betraying both Memorial Foundation and Celestial Mechanics doesn't actually work with the canon timeline of the game but shhhhhhh it's an au don't worry about it

i listened to Communist Love Song a lot while writing this. something abt refusing to reject the possibility of a better future even when everyone says it's impossible. politically or romantically? yes.

fun fact: i had written a chunk of the first chapter for a while and it was just kind of hanging out in my google docs as hwbm au inspiration and then zam said "I only want to be represented as a girl. Kissing other girls." onstream and i wrote the entire rest of the fic in a day. and then spent over a week editing it lol

[mdhwrites]

Okay, Let’s Eviscerate Luz’s Nightmare

I REALLY like dream sequences and false reality. I think there’s a lot that can be done with it that creatively is admittedly hard to do. It’s why I wanted to do a Jumbled Thoughts on it. The format for Jumbled Thoughts is to be approachable to those who aren’t familiar with the work being used as an example though and genuinely are just for teaching.

I am still genuinely upset though that the show had such little of a fucking clue what to do about wrapping itself up that it wastes the FIRST SEVEN MINUTES OF ITS FINALE. So this is just going to be me ranting more about why this sequence is bad but with more specifics to TOH. Specifically starting with: Even if it were good... It’d be rendering the two specials before it pointless. As far as characters go, especially ones the writers care about, the last two specials have been entirely about Luz’s self hate. I don’t think it’s done well mind you, it leads to character assassination for her and a finish that is laughable at best in context with the rest of the show, but that is the point of the two specials. Luz’s guilt over Belos. In special 1, it’s about how deep her self hate runs and the ‘sacrifices’ she’s willing to make to ‘make up for it’. As anyone familiar with this blog knows, I see what Luz does much more as “Oh, I can’t easily fix this? Fuck it then. Let them all burn.” But the writers think otherwise despite Luz’s actions. Special 2 is about Luz finally coming to terms with this and realizing she doesn’t have to give a fuck because she is the most special thing on the planet and everyone should understand that.

So we had a resolution. It led directly to Stringbean existing because she suddenly had clarity of purpose and shed that which was holding her back. But... This sequence HINGES on the idea that Luz isn’t past that stuff. Frankly, it would have made a MUCH better opener to the second episode where the Collector grabs them IMMEDIATELY. Not only would the transition be less awkward because... Oh my god the finale starts in just a terrible fucking way that despite following up literally where the last episode left off, feels like a “Here’s what you missed on the last episode of The Owl House!” That may be because I still haven’t watched the majority of S3. You can thank my Discord for me watching these seven minutes.

Anyways, not only would the portal act as a good, disorienting transition to make the audience think something went wrong with it instead of everyone immediately just knowing it’s a dream because... Duh, it also would have meant that Luz would be attacked by her friends when emotionally she was the most vulnerable. She doesn’t think her going back is a good idea after all. If the first thing she remembers post going through the portal is this nightmare where the whole is vacant and dead except for those she just brought to it... That would have actually had literally any reason to work. The words would cut much deeper because they are genuinely what she’s thinking. Instead... It feels like the main character’s character arc gets unearthed again for a shitty dream sequence. WHAT!?

And I want to make this clear: It’s BAD. It’s bad even compared to other bad dream sequences. At least most have the dignity to be like Zuko’s fever dream where it’s literally just a shocking moment and move on. But like... How shocking is anything in this sequence? Amity and Willow get out attacks I guess but otherwise the imagery is REALLY tame and the impossible space stuff is as basic as it comes. Otherwise, everyone is saying really blunt, obviously not them lines so you can’t really invest in what they’re saying. It only cuts (because I’ll admit it got an emotional rise out of me) because what is being said is so cruel. They’re lines that if they were true to the characters’ views AT ALL, then they’d be really powerful.

But they’re not. Most of them are just based on “YOU DESTROYED OUR WORLD!” a concept all of them immediately forgave, or just ignored, the second it was brought up to them. None of them care and have made that clear to Luz and Luz isn’t in a part of even her grief cycle to still be telling herself lies about this being the real truth that her friends are just hiding from her. It’s not helped by the fact that it’s the same bullshit we’ve been hearing from Luz already so even if it were actually Luz, it wouldn’t be new insight, just like how “Willow represses anger” isn’t a new insight in Understanding Willow (another really boring episode in terms of a mentalscape frankly.) The only person who MAYBE has their real feelings here is Hunter but he’s just stating a problem I have in general with Flapjack’s death. Why DID Luz get a palisman while Hunter’s had to die? What was the point? You know, besides cheap shock and giving Hunter magic so you didn’t have to worry about him having a staff anymore.

The resolution is also dogshit to me and way more twee than The Owl House ever does which makes what would be groan worthy in a different kid’s cartoon just pure cringe in the worst ways here. “What do you do after a bad dream? Turn on a light.” So... If Luz had cast a light spell while fighting them, would the whole thing have vanished regardless? Usually the fight for getting out of a dreamscape is one of the most compelling elements. What makes the hero hesitate, what sets them off for this being wrong, etc. like that. It’s part of what makes Superman still comforting his dream son so powerful because despite him not existing... Superman still cares. Because that is the core of Superman. ALL living beings matter to him.

This says fuck and all about Luz except that she’s a gatekeeping bitch of a nerd. Despite being in tears, for almost no reasons since the show does not sell that she actually thinks this is real (and again, from a narrative standpoint it makes the second special feel even more pointless if these words still effect her. NARRATIVE PAYOFF! LEARN WHAT IT IS!), she still immediately catches the mistake and bounces back to 100%. It’s... Honestly embarrassing from a writing standpoint. It says so many terrible things about Luz while also not saying much interesting. Yeah, Azura apparently really is that big to her that even during a breakdown with her friends, all it takes is her gatekeeper and continuity senses to go off to get her to write them all off. What would happen if Amity had to just admit it’d been a year since she read the book and just got the reference wrong?

As a note, the moment of Luz touching Amity’s face was the only clip of this sequence I’d seen before last night. Even then, I knew something was fucked here. Luz playing with Amity’s face feels like when a player character in a story about a game suddenly gains sentience. The other NPCs literally can’t process what they’re doing so Luz gets to just play with this Amity toy who should ostensibly be trying to kill her but has enough honor to wait for Luz to arm herself apparently.

Then the REST OF THEM WAKE UP. WHY!? WHY ARE THEY ACTUALLY ABLE TO EFFECT THIS!? Also... Does that mean Amity just got the reference wrong? Or did she do it on purpose? Why could she give Luz a glyph to cast? Why do they have that much power here? It’s just such a dumb twist that exists only to get the stupid line out of Hunter while he still sounds like he’s under mind control because of how unnatural the delivery of the advice is.

And this also of course means that Luz gets out without effort. Without anything. I’ve seen people call this trailer bait and I really just can’t blame them for it. It’s seven minutes of trailer bait though. Of an episode that’s only 52 minutes long and has two villains to actually take out still. That... Why? Why is that how you decided to start your finale.

It also brings the comparisons people would make between Marcy and Luz right to the forefront. Marcy had a dream sequence after all. Its imagery was more fun though and had more of a point and was HEARTBREAKING in that by being so idealic... That’s how Marcy knew it was fake. That one moment tells us SO MUCH of how she saw her role in the trio that we didn’t really know before. And the fact that she stayed trapped, having to hope others, others she thinks don’t care about her, will come save her makes it all a fucking tragedy. It’s really powerful and would not have been half as effective without being a dream sequence of sorts.

And as always... When TOH does something like Amphibia, it copies the really shallow, loud parts without understanding why Amphibia was doing it the way it did it. It makes the show look like a joke in comparison.

Which is why I’m not actually surprised people haven’t asked me about this sequence. It’s bad. It’s REALLY bad, which is probably why most people even on Twitter don’t talk about it. Not when you have the deux ex machina to gush over close to it. It’s bad in all the ways that you expect a dream sequence to be bad. It’s there for shock, it says very little about the characters and you could cut it and lose almost nothing, if just nothing. If I didn’t like dream sequences, I wouldn’t have anything to talk about here.

It makes it ‘of a kind’ which is why I used it to teach. And... Being ‘of a kind’ for being bad, especially when it actively goes against the character growth you’ve been doing... Well, it’s one of the few times I would say “I could have written this better.” Mostly because as a director I would have looked at whoever pitched the idea and gone “We have a godlike child who likes to play games. Come up with an actual fucking GAME instead of this cheating bullshit.”

Because like Luz looking beat up at the beginning of Yesterday’s Lie, it’s all just writing cheats and excuses. Just this time no one bought because why would they? Most audiences expect a dream sequence to be bad so seeing it was all a lie for baiting the audience... Well, at least for once TOH didn’t try to subvert a fantasy trope, did they?

*sigh*

==========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[golbrocklovely]

oh my god your rant 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

and then theres sam who reposts shit all and somehow doesnt cop anything for it? but colby does repost a hell lot and likes a hell lot and its still not good enough? im fkn over this bs

and so what if he reposts girls who look a certain way. not that i think he does or does intentionally but even if he did... its his acct he can do whatever the fk he wants. if thats their angle then they should get shitty at him too for not fking a variety as well. i’d be more shocked if he was only reposting underage girls. then i’d be raising an eyebrow and saying dude not cool.

and i should also clarify i am no way shape or form either of their types. i dont have a chance this side of hell. they wouldnt even look at me in a market. but that gives me 0 right to be upset about it.

the underlying issue with this whole argument, that colby only reposts a certain type of fan, is that it comes from a place of deep insecurity from the fans complaining. hate to bring that up, but it's reality.

like i said in my rant, i was in the same boat as them. genuinely felt like it was pointless to post myself in merch bc i just felt like they weren't gonna like me. but as i've grown up, idc if snc like me like that. idc if they think i'm hot or if i'm their type bc there is literally no chance in hell i'm getting with them EITHER WAY. not to mention, colby DOESN'T ignore fans that are a certain way.

the only reason anyone hyperfixates on girls he reposts that look like shea is bc they have already made up in their minds that that is who he finds hot and so when he does eventually repost someone like that, it confirms their bias.

but what's funny about that is he doesn't even WANT shea so i highly doubt knockoff sheas are his type lmao

it's just all very ridiculous to me bc these same fans know he's trying, will acknowledge that, and then say it's still not enough. even tho sam, their lord and savior, isn't even trying - and actually basically told them to fuck off and he'll do what he wants.

make it make sense to me, bc it doesn't.

[earl-grey-love]

You know what I'm gonna complain about the game a little more. [Spoilers]

I've been getting increasingly frustrated at the game for several reasons. The afformentioned more aggressive cash grabs is one thing. It started pretty slow. Two part events with high stakes and hard to win prizes used to only happen on special occasions, i.e. halloween, but now they happen once a month. They spread the prizes out more in these boxes too, which makes them even harder and more cash grabby than they already were. Not to mention removing outfits from them all together and making you have to always buy them instead.

Now they're adding more gachas. Which would be a good thing if the writing in the cards didn't suck. The romance is pretty limited and very tame, and also often repetitive. I've seen scenes in cards that I've already seen in previous ones, which shouldn't happen! It can be hard to be creative with the same character but... there's only so many times Barbs can hold mc after they had a scary experience before it's overdone. I've seen this be a cards plot three times!

Now the aggressive paywalling and repetitive dating card scenes would be shitty but tolerable if the main story was good... but it isn't. I swear its not even the same plot any more. All the angst and tension of the early chapters and everything we went through to get home was... pointless. Might as well have just had mc wake up from a weird dream, would've had the same narrative consequences. And yeah the overarching plot has always been slow and is drip fed but... cmon. There's zero reason to be invested in a fucking science fair after being trapped in the past. We didn't even get a reunion! After a six month real life hiatus! That's what they came up with????

And the teasing of making the side characters dateable without any real payoff is tired. It's old. Like genuinely I wish they'd just develop that instead of forcefeed new gachas of the same characters and same card stories and the worlds most boring plot. It's like going to a restaurant that only serves plates full of plastic food that you stare at instead of eating.

[inkybinkyboink]

man alright i gotta ramble and call it procrastinating but i gotta yap for like two seconds here because i keep thinking about the best way to respond to anti-human rights people and by anti-human rights i mean as like an umbrella term for queerphobia, racism, ableism, all that yucky stuff blah blah blah. last year, i went to this protest, and it was a very intense experience for me and one of the more violent incidents of transphobia i've directly experienced. and like. i get that energy is like a very real thing and so if you've got a good 500 people who are all pissed about something, then it's really easy to get roped into that, and i did, and i look back on myself and what i was doing, and it just...it feels pointless. it feels so fucking pointless because we all just yelled at each other for like four hours and nothing happened. nothing changed. there was a picture of me that someone took and i guess i ended up in a news article somewhere and i just look so angry. and in retrospect i hate that. it feels like i was just complicit in furthering a negative idea of trans people. and i get that that's a nuanced statement because you have to have some insane biases in order to automatically look at that and go "oh yes, all trans people are dangerous" but the fact is, there are people who think like that, and yeah sure, no matter what you do they're going to think you're dangerous, but getting angry only confirms that bias a thousand times over.

afterwards, this one lady tried to talk to us, and yeah, it was fucking weird, and twisted and some of the shit she said was MIGHTY fucking backwards, but the people around me just kept getting angry at her. and its like where do you draw the line? because on the one hand, trans people don't owe jack fucking shit to transphobes, or even just people asking invasive questions. but on the other, the only way to get them to listen to you is by being patient and understanding to the level of a fucking tradwife from 1950. because if you do anything but that, their biases are only going to be reinforced. and it sucks.

i dont think trans folk are a danger to society. i am not a danger to society. but the fact of the matter is, a lot of people do think i'm a danger to society, and anything i say or do is going to reinforce that bias. conservative media is always going to paint trans people as angry, dangerous and unapproachable, which is super fucked up, because that only further inhibits people who are in a conservative sphere who may want to learn about trans identities. so i guess what im frustrated about, and what im wondering is where the middle ground is between advocating for trans rights in a way that emphasizes how critical it is to keep us safe, while putting it in a digestible way for people who have only ever known us as something wrong and outside of the norm. im tired of screaming and being angry about it. it just makes me feel shitty. i was screaming at kids and people who genuinely didnt know better. i dont want to do that again.

[legofemme]

Its very deeply concerning to me the way that teenagers are being taught to act online. A large majority of them are hyper obsessed with pedantics and are on edge 24/7 to find a way to paint someone they dont like as 'problematic'. This hyper vigilantism has them seeing every criticism or misunderstanding as 'problematic' or predatory. They dont know how to handle their emotions yet and are being taught by social media that adults talking to them in any capacity that they dont like- usually criticism or adult expressing genuine concerns or frustrations with their behavior since again, unable to process emotions fully- always has an 'ulterior motive'. Theyre falling back on their ages as excuses for the hyper vigilantism or life ruining claims because theyve been taught that children Can get away with it because of how twitter and tiktok- and the internet as a whole- talk about things.

Im going to be extremely clear to any minors that follow me: looking for 'problematic' content in everything anyone says is harmful and almost always pointless. using your age as a fallback when criticised is also pointless. your age may explain things, but it doesnt shield you when youre acting out, especially when youre saying hurtful things to other people. if you have a mental illness and use it as a shield, people arent going to like you. Like age, it may explain things, but if you hurt people then its no excuse.

I try very hard to be a good influence. Im never truly mad when kids are shitty to me. But its concerning and tiring when so many of them react to me putting my foot down as me 'taking advantage' of someones age. Im not going to be a doormat because a child doesnt want to hear that theyre being shitty to other people.

[lqfiles]

omg omg omg omg omg omg im here im here!

“baby” BRO IF HAECHAN DOESNT STFU OMG HIS ATTITUDE IS SO UGH (hot) KARINA BETTER THROW THE ROCKS AT HIMMM

also i wanna know what haechan asked jaemin bc wdym he just gave him y/n’s @? 😭 no wait but the at the same time, he probably thought he was probably playing matchmaker… idk jaemin cracks me up tho 😭

“but it’s quite cute” “you know where my room is” ugh im in love with them already but seeing how haechan is, ik the angst is gonna go crazyyy 😭 (if it involves all of us throwing rocks at haechan, karina calls dibs)

BUT YES I REMEMBER THAT about your friend and tbh sameeee rn (a little lore about me 😈) i have a situation with this friend who is great btw she’s very talkative, very friendly, well, extremely friendly, and lately she’s been having a thing with this guy and mind you, i used to live with her for a bit in her dorms (i commute which means i don’t live in uni) and she would drop me if her then bf came over, but we got closer after she and that bf broke up

but she’s been talking with this new guy, i have been encouraging when she is overthinking it, and lately… it’s all she’s been talking about 😭 i try to talk about my day and it gets dismissed when she tells me something about the guy and believe me, im happy for her, but we haven’t talked for two days now and when she does text me, it’s to let me know what the guy did

okay that’s it 😋

but it’s just like… i love our friendship but previous friendships before ended bc my friends would make their partners their entire personality and would drop their friends. like what is going on 😭😭 idk but thats enough lore 🫡

But i totally get not feeling excited…

i hope everything is okay tho! hope youre taking care of yourself and are staying well hydrated. thank you so much for the update! your brain just goes crazy and i love it 😋

- 🫧

(bella is getting a new harness with a little bow and she’s very excited! she’s also getting shoes bc it’s getting hot and i don’t want her paws to burn)

(also! She’s a maltipoo right? but we’re starting to notice she spots like a dalmatian and it’s kinda cool and so pretty 😭)

(and yes, we got compared to satoru and suguru out of nowhere 🥲 like damn… it makes me sad tho hearing that comparison 😭😭)

WELL YES jaemin is the biggest ynhyuck shipper of course he’s gonna give y/n’a @ to haechan (he had no idea of his motives), bless his clueless heart, he’s so silly 😭

i love how we all want karina to to fr throw rocks at him like we need this to happen one day, karina WILL call dibs when it comes to the angst and hurting haechan you already know she doesn’t play about y/n!!!! even jaemin might throw a small rock

OMG NO…. i’m so sorry to hear that 😭😭 i can tell that this is the beginning stages of her crush, so i advise (definitely not saying you SHOULD because i know confrontation is scary even if it is with friends 😭) that you genuinely have a talk with her about how all she does is talk about that guy and how you feel like conversations w her are starting to become pointless because they revolve around stuff you’re not interested in. its an extremely shitty situation to be put in and i’ll honestly never understand why people can’t seperate their friends and relationship and not bring one into the other.

i think your friend might understand if you bring it up tho, since you said she’s very friendly, if you say that you’re saying this from a malicious stance but rather in a way where you’re trying to improve your friendship, im sure she’ll understand. and if she doesn’t, then it really isn’t a friendship you should waste your time on because it shows where her priorities are (men over friends)

anyways yeah i’ve been well i actually saw her for the first time today since she reached out to me again and it was surprisingly.. really nice.

I FIND PEOPLE WJO PUT THEIR PETS IN CLOTHES AND ALL SO CUTE LIKE YESSS PUT HER IN CUTE LITTLE SHOES PLSSS, i bet she looks rlly cute w her spots, but wouldn’t that maybe mean that she might be a hybrid? either way i hope she is gonna be happy with her new shoes and harness, a little early (?) birthday present!!

[bidokja]

overgeared has tons of issues (like. tons. do not read overgeared lol) BUT i've said it before and i'll say it again: it really is the ONLY series that is doing the vrmmo trope Right.

cause all vrmmo series are basically one of two things, with variations that still generally fall under the two umbrellas. which are 1) if you die in the game you die for real or 2) a vrmmo that's just a vrmmo but has elevated societal/economic importance. now, it's not that these two umbrellas are inherently boring, but rather that the vast majority of people that use them...never Really use them. they sit there collecting dust even when there's plenty of chances to use them.

in the case of (1), it's often a question of "okay but why'd this Need to be about a vrmmo" and rather than an answer which is relevant to the story that is being told, the answer is usually just "cause i wanna" or "cause it's easy." this cuts off Any potential for the story (or characters in it) to have any thematic connection with its chosen medium and genre. which like. that's fine, if you're just making something casual and fun to read. there's genuinely nothing inherently Wrong with that. but that is all the series will ever be if that's the case, and it's pointless to pretend otherwise. there will never be any depth beyond surface level kiddie pool in a series like that. you could cut and paste the story into a different setting and it would remain largely the same and equally disconnected.

similarly, in the case of (2), it's often a question of "why does this still Need to be rooted in the real world?" like. if the main chunk of the series is occurring in the vrmmo, how is the real world relevant at all (why not just make an original fantasy world at that point)? what stakes are there when the vrmmo can't actually do anything to someone and the real world is barely focused on? and again, the answer here is usually just "cause it's easy" for various reasons. and again, this sort of answer cuts off any potential for the chosen medium and genre to actually be relevant whatsoever.

overgeared falls under umbrella number 2. and overgeared, for all its flaws, actually gives a different answer. it uses the umbrella it has chosen to stand under, and it uses it well. there is a reason it is still rooted in the real world and there is a reason it has to be a vrmmo. and the reason is that overgeared is a slice-of-life disguised as a action adventure fantasy vrmmo series. stay with me here.

i do not mean that overgeared is literally a slice-of-life (it really isn't) but rather that the point of overgeared is not the action adventure fantasy of it all. the point of overgeared is the life and times of shin youngwoo (aka Greed). and what makes shin youngwoo a fun character to read is that he organically and genuinely grows as a person. his starting situation is such that he would not have been able to do so if it were not for the vrmmo taking him out of his very real shitty situation first and giving him the opportunity to experience life in a totally different way. and this is what allows him to view himself and his actions from a wildly different angle. in overgeared, the vrmmo exists in order to be a literary tool to enable shin youngwoo's growth as a Real Person in the Real World, not just as his player character. his internal growth which the vrmmo enabled has notable positive impacts on his mental health, which in turn impacts his physical health, and these in turn impact how he percieves and interacts with others, and this in turn impacts his family and social relationships. overgeared is written in such a way that the vrmmo aspect is a load bearing wall for the real focus of the story, which is shin youngwoo's journey and growth as a person.

[puppyparkmoving]

@ the ableism post I agree but did something new happen... genuinely asking bc I haven't seen anything recently (am also psychotic)

A popular post going around (its not a bad post i dont feel negative nor positive abt it just the add ons) has some replies and add ons that derail from a fairly valid point by resorting to insisting people's f/o's and their relationships arent real and are fake and pointless. Which we both know as psychotic folk that u dont tell someone their delusion or belief isnt real becuz it can make them or their symptoms worse. Its just kind of a shitty thing to do becuz we want to be "all inclusive" until making our point lets us use derealization and psychosis symptoms as a negative to make us look big and mighty. Its pathetic imo and it genuinely gets on my nerves becuz u can make good points abt several topics without resorting to "This isnt real! Touch grass!" To a community that has a large amount of ppl with psychosis and dissociation its just nuts!!

[arunneronthird]

i agree about talia tbh like the introduction of damian was the beginning of the death of her character. damian couldn't have been raised as he was and talia was a good mother. its simply impossible. like...morrison for as much as he introduced my favorite blorbo (damian) and did him so well, he didn't do ANY reading up on my girl before he wrote her and its jarring because like...talia broke away for the league for bruce. for a man. much less her own son. her whole thing is supposed to be her not being like ra's, her genuinely caring about animals and the environment and not using it as an excuse for terrorism unlike him, her caring about humanity in a way he doesnt (or, at least not thinking humanity should be killed) and the conflict between her and her father (or her vs the way she was raised) is a central part of her story, until she finally broke away and hasn't been fully with the league since then. maybe it's cause i've read her old comics w/ bruce and morrison isn't my first introduction to her, but i feel nobody's gotten her right in a while and there's sort of no way to redeem her as a parent without changing a lot of damian's backstory and thus character, which i don't think dc's gonna do any time soon, which is a shame. so i just ignore what i don't like and form my own canon <3 but yeah, disliking talia is totally valid, loml hasn't been the same in decades and current-her is pretty shitty

u know what nonny, this is such a solid opinion and ur take is valid

i do have to admit morrison for me was kind of an excuse, i never really liked her much to begin with cause "i did things for romantic love" is something i never like cause i am a gremlin, so when she was set up as a bad mother i had 0 problems just disliking her

that being said like, i dislike villains in general, i dislike bad people cause they are bad, but i dislike them as people, not characters, im glad she exists as a character in the same way ras or the joker exist, i cannot in good faith like them as people but i love the stories they create

when i truly dislike a character i just act like they do not exist, when a character is pointless or shoehorned thats when i have a problem