#and just. I get why verbal communication is such a huge part of communication. but does it have to be such a big part y’know???

[ghoul--doodle]

I wish I could not have to speak verbally ever

I don’t like talking to people. I wanna just. Text. Or write.

Fuck talking out loud

[theastrical]

genshin men and their way of apologising

Genshin men and their ways of apologising.

kaeya, diluc, childe, (alhaitham, zhongli, kaveh on pt.2) x reader (fem!reader diluc)

ps: it’s comfort/hurt, a bit angsty but with fluffy ending!! Also if you guys have triggers with cursing, this content has cursing/verbal scolding implications so please mind that before reading!

Kaeya:

“stop doing this and that..you’ll end up being a burden.” He shuts off the door and locks it. You were just trying to help him, and unfortunately, he doesn’t like it. This happens quiet a lot, where he closed off all part of himself in order to heal himself…that’s okay, at first, but what about you? You’re hurt and he kept you out just like that; is he here to wound your heart just like the other exes who grew apart from you?

And when you start to lose your patience, he can’t do nothing about it, right? He’s just there to hurt-hurt-and make you feel as if you in deserve of such a treatment. You cried, it felt weird to cry over kaeya. He has been sweet, yes, you never doubted once that his act are truly meant for you, but at what certain point did you do to make him immediately switch up? You didn’t know, you never know. He never wanted to communicate, that’s the problem.

“if you don’t want me to help you, that’s fine, just please kaeya…talk to me like i’m a human, not somebody you can use when you’re happy. I also need a set of time to heal.” You say that-an automatic reply set on your brain to confront him even if it’s not face to face. Now door to door-you just scold him and leave.

It took him a huge amount of time to heal. he knows what he has done can’t be undone. Listening to your cries become his worst fear, he can’t just stand in front of your eyes and say sorry, he knows that wouldn’t work. That enough explains how much he hates apologising; because his apologies always ended up with him crushing over the burden of his sins.

That’s why, the next day, in the morning when you woke up. Kaeya is already there beside your bedside. Folding your palm between his. His head on the floor.

“i’ve taken your words and…* he sighs before continuing. “Apologies don’t really matter if i don’t change my attitudes, so please, if you’re still willing to give me one more chance, can i have the privilege to change, at least, for you?”…he stays quiet for a while. “Lastly, i’m sorry, i know all i did these yesterday and these past few months weren’t tolerable. I understand if you would hate me for this.”..he looks up to you, his eyes are already watery. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He hugs you and that felt so good…

A mark on your neck was left, a few peck it took for him to finally calm down. And he looks at you with a smile, even when his eyes are puffy. “I love you..thank you for still being here.”

Diluc:

Diluc came home quite late, it was unusual and it worries you, after all, since the day you married him. He had never been this late-he always come home with a huge surprise which is food…for obvious reason (he’s wants you to eat instead of cooking him a meal since he knew how exhausting it can be).

you were just about to ring up his phone-and suddenly a slam from the door was heard. You came to the first floor and..there’s diluc! “Diluc!” You grin, as always, you warmly greeted him, because it’s your husband, it’s diluc, what more reason to make you adore him?

You tried to help him get his bag and put off his jacket…but his bag was so heavy…whatever does he put inside his bag? Why is it so h— oh no! The bag suddenly hit your coffee cup and spilled the remaining coffee to the bag…now his bag is tainted with coffee and he-who saw that scene in front of him can’t even hide his raging eyes. Before one word to spit out-he gives off a long sigh-squinting his eyes.

“Why…sigh…it’s always you, you AND YOU who makes the worst mistake OVER AND OVER AGAIN! In the WORST TIMING AS WELL, CAN YOU—“ you replied, cutting off his words. “I-i’m so sorry diluc…i’ll help you with th—“ , “CAN YOU STOP CUTTING MY WORDS? Listen to me lady, it’s not about the bag or the papers, its about your presence…why helping you when you can’t even help yourself fix these problems, you’re helpless.”

He said that like a drunk man with no sanity behind his eyes, yet, this time, he’s actually sober, so sober he already pulled off that bag from your grip... He’s losing his patience and you know his words are the truth…still it hurts way too much. Why? Because it’s diluc, the one you called husband. tears fell and you don’t know what to do. It’s like your body doesn’t know how to move.

You look at his eyes, your mind went blank. You can sense his anger, but the tears never stop from your eyes. It’s like you just got hit by a truck. You try to left the living room to the bedroom upstair. At the same time diluc realise his action-you’re already up there-on the stair.

As soon as your foot step into the bedroom. You slowly loses the ability to numb the tears. You lay down on the comfy covers and then just cry. Sniffling. Without words, just cry and cry and cry. Realising that it was your mistake but..it hurts when he struck you with the truth that you’re useless in his eyes.

Diluc didn’t pay mind to pride when it comes to apologizing. Hence, when he heard the sniffling become louder in each breathe you took. He storms to the bedroom and hold your body to his embrace. Covering you from his face. Covering you from the cowardice and guilt he has to face. Securing you from his words..comforting you with his presence.

“sorry princess…don’t bother looking at my face if it means you’ll hate me…i don’t deserve the sight of your eyes…i don’t deserve anything.” He hugs you closer and strokes your hair, within each stroke, it felt like his hands have just won you again. “Thank you for helping me, it ease me a lot—that’s the word you need and i’m unable to fulfil that right..here i am, rejecting you, not acknowledging the effort you took just to wait for me.” He kisses your forehead before carrying you to sit on his lap. “but do believe that i’ll fix this mistake and beg on your knees if you need me to...” he look at your eye despite you not giving him a sight of your puffy eye.

“Anything for a second chance, for my princess.”

Childe:

you really love cooking. It’s something that nobody really knows-cause not evedybody has seen you cook or even taste the food you cook. You’re known to be secretive about everything; Even childe being your husband, only 2 of your 100 friends know-especially with the fact that topic is on your top 10 secret list.

And being in a marriage with childe means you’ll cook 24/7, which at first seems fine with you-but lately, you’ve been losing interest in cooking. It’s like..whatever you make is just a rating of ”it’s okay” for childe. It’s like he doesn’t even bother appreciating your food. So today, you’re trying to confront him…

He’s in a badmood-that’s why he doesn’t bother to try and reach out to you. Though it’ll be very thoughtful if you actually make him his comfort food right? And maybe if you did so, he would’ve complimented your cooking? Right! So you did and you’re so happy with the result! It taste perfect! So you began serving it onto the small bowl and put the food in front of him, you immediately get some spoonful of the food and put it inside his mouth-which is hot-like BURNING HOT. You know you fucked up so badly, so you get some water for him before he said “fuck!” so casually.

“W-what’s wrong..? Sorry i burned your tongue, i really am..!!! Please dr—“ he immediately cut you off. “No…i don’t want to eat dinner, the food doesn’t even taste good…” oh. “and thank you for burning my tongue as well! It certainly helps!.” He mocked you. “Now i can speak while enduring the pain! Right! That’s what you want your husband to feel, right?” He happily grins, a mockery. Childe immediately walked out of the dining room like a child.

And he scoffs silently on the hallway, even though it’s easy enough for you to listen because he talks to himself like he talks to another being. “I should’ve just searched for another person..i can’t stay with an idiot…” and that push you towards a realization that childe always have think of you as somebody who isn’t worth of his time. It’s like reality finally gives you a sign that he’s just one lucky pull you got. You didn’t cry. It gives you a numbing feeling, an empty one.

You sat on the dining table, taking out your apron, you get some bowl of the food and eat it by yourself. Because, like childe said, he wouldn’t eat dinner, so why bother waiting for somebody who can’t even appreciate you?

Eating alone is such a complex feeling, especially in a marriage. It feels lonely but peaceful. At least it can make your mind steady for whatever coming afterwards. You did feel a bit better but..the pain of his words never left you. It never did. It just makes the heart feel more numb as the seconds passed.

You sighed and…there he is, all shy and embarrassed behind the walls, he has been spying on you since 30 minutes ago…he’s guilty as charged. When you see him, you ignored him, immediately. Not wanting to share another eye contact with that man who have insulted your ways of loving him.

He follows you and hold onto your arm before you go elsewhere, who knows what will you do if his arms didn’t hold yours. Childe is embarrassed-guilt on his face and a coward on his heart. He made you wait for a good 5 minutes, he was waiting for you to say something..but instead, childe was met with cold air.

“i’m a loser for insulting your way of loving me. I’m dramatic. I’m a brat. I’m everything that you don’t want in a man.” His head can’t even meet yours. After all, your eyes are blank and it pierces his soul. “You don’t need to give me second chance. You don’t need to treat me right after what i’ve done. A bad deed is a bad deed.” With the courage of the final sentence; he hold onto your hand and kisses your fingertips. “I will win that cold heart of yours again and again, if it means i can live with you in every life to come.”

[caffeinelemur]

Stolitz Communication Styles

I feel like I need to talk about this.

Stolas’ high education and verbal gymnastics, versus Blitzø’s lack of equivalent education, dyslexia, and difficulty expressing emotions, especially through words. Because it plays a huge part in why they haven’t been, and still aren’t, communicating effectively. Also both of them are neurodivergent as fuck and communication is a bitch for us anyway.

Specifically, this is a dive into that different classes/mindsets dynamic, leading up to a look at that text conversation at the end of Western Energy, and how it leads into their possible growth.

From the very start of the series, Blitzø shows that he has difficulty with writing/spelling and prefers verbal communication. (Even if we look outside the instagrams, which are not technically canon.) The first episode has the billboard that was entirely speech-to-text and not proofread, (he’s too uncomfortable writing that big of a message out, and he thought it was easier to just say it, and was thus not equipped to proofread or edit it, as that would mean he was capable of knowing how to write it out correctly in the first place), his text messages and notes are generally short and often full of typos and phonetic spelling, and his whiteboard is usually covered in doodles and small attempts at writing that varies in levels of spelling prowess. He uses pictographs to help in proving his point or explaining his thought process. He has trouble expressing himself verbally, as his true feelings are expressed through actions, but his direct, vulgar, and often angry or insensitive wording and tone make it difficult for most people to see past this to his actual true feelings, (not to mention he often lies to others and to himself about those anyway). Issues with tone and blunt speech are a big thing with neurodivergent people, autistic and ADHD people especially, of which I think Blitzø is both. Stan an AuDHD king.

Stolas is rich, highly educated, and spent much of his life, especially early on, reading books instead of socializing. His house basically doubles as a library. He said himself that he “loves words”, and got excited about reading legal documents. He uses flowery, posh language and carefully talks around other people using this skill. His emotionally abusive past, both with his father and with Stella, make him a careful people-pleaser, and so he’s constantly giving others the upper hand in a conversation, more give than take, in attempts to not anger or have his intentions misunderstood and then incite said anger. A common thing in both abuse victims and neurodivergent people, especially autistic people, which Stolas clearly is. He does also have issues with tone and knowing when he should and shouldn’t say certain things, and he can often misunderstand others’ points and questions, and then answers or responds too bluntly or literally. Hashtag Just Autism Things.

Blitzø is an imp, the lowest class alongside hellhounds, and was raised in a circus. He clearly did not grow up wealthy in any respect (as his father resorted to selling his son and stealing from the fucking Ars Goetia so quickly, though that could also be attributed to just being living trash), nor is he particularly affluent now, as his small apartment has literally one bedroom, for Loona, and he sleeps on the couch. He outright says he can’t afford art classes. He hasn’t had the same level of educational opportunities as Stolas. On top of that, he’s also dyslexic, based on how, when he does write, it’s either written phonetically, as he would say the word, or he gets letters flipped around. He can write coherently, he’s not illiterate, but usually only when he tries really hard. He mixes capitals and lowercase in the same word sometimes. He’s even worse at texting than he is at writing by hand, with many typos, and resorting to text-speak abbreviations and emojis to lessen the amount of time he has to take trying to type shit out, and, again, doesn’t proofread.

Taking all of this into account, Blitzø is not going to understand a lot of what Stolas says when he uses larger words and talks around a point, especially since, unlike Stolas most of the time, Blitzø is very direct and uncensored when he talks (as in, no brain-to-mouth filter, but also he uses vulgarity in place of more eloquent speech), and when he is trying to say things with actual forethought, he ends up stuttering and has trouble finding the right words (ADHD brain fail ftw), and then gets angry at himself, and occasionally takes it out on others too (poor Moxxie). Stolas tries to talk around the point and backtracks his own words even more in stressful or emotional situations, giving more ground to the other, and this difference in stress response plays a part in their misunderstanding and inability to see from the other’s perspective.

In the first episode, during Stolas’ inopportune phone call, Blitzø thinks he’s being insulted when Stolas uses the word “grimoire,” because he doesn’t know it and always jumps to this conclusion, then has to get Stolas to stop using flowery language to talk around the point by telling him to “stop using your fancy ass rich people talk,” and Stolas has to change the way he’s been speaking to be more direct and clear. (He doesn’t retain this information for later, sadly).

All of this, to talk about the post-Ozzie’s text conversations. We know several things now:

1) Blitzø is not good with spelling and is more comfortable using pictographs to make his point, which you can’t do in a text. He’s also uncomfortable with honest emotional expression and has problems with tone.

2) Stolas uses overly flowery and complicated language to express himself, leading to paragraphs of talking around the main point in an attempt to explain his meaning, often to the extent that it’s extremely unclear what the point is that he’s actually trying to get to. This gets worse when he’s trying too hard to express himself or is thinking too much about the other person’s response.

3) They both have little experience with conversation of an emotional nature that’s not coming with some sort of protective front (Stolas’ open-ended people-pleasing statements, Blitzø’s use of false anger and vulgarity to push people away), so when they do try to say something without the mask, the other is unequipped for the change and misunderstands the intentions, especially when it’s through text.

Blitzø is uncomfortable with writing and especially with texting, and so says very little, using short abbreviated text-speak and emojis to express himself, like he would with his drawings. Stolas overexplains and writes paragraphs of vague statements and loquaciousness in an attempt to get a point across. These are very different approaches to the situation, and from the other’s perspective they come across differently than they intend, due to the conflicting communication styles.

So.

In the text conversations we see in Western Energy, Blitzø says very little, and doesn’t initiates the conversation. Stolas sends walls of text, overexplaining and going back and forth on his intent and the purpose of the text.

Now, we know that Stolas is trying to give Blitzø space and options, and clearly cares a lot about his feelings, and is going out of his way to make sure he’s comfortable with the situation. In doing so, he gives him several outs, minimizes the entire experience at Ozzie’s at his own expense (and therefore Blitzø’s, but he doesn’t understand that yet), and pokes at the idea of talking emotionally far too soon for Blitzø, who is freshly re-traumatizing himself from said experience at Ozzie’s.

Stolas, from his own perspective, is giving so much and getting very little in return (a common theme in his life). He would see this lack of reciprocity in communication as lack of interest or being upset. A common thing irl, it’s easy to read a “K” after a long emotional message as a negative or indifferent response, regardless of the other party’s true feelings. (Which is possibly why a lot of people get upset on Stolas’ behalf in this moment, thinking Blitzø doesn’t care as much about Stolas as Stolas does him. It’s a common thing to experience. It’s not true, though.)

Meanwhile, Blitzø already hates writing, is bad at expressing himself in general, and reads into everything as negative. He thinks that when someone says something he doesn’t fully understand that they’re insulting him or making fun of him, or he misunderstands the intention and wording to be an insult (tonal and indirect or vague speech issues), like with that first phone call with Stolas, the “that’s what she said” joke Loona made, and Crimson’s mention of hearing things about him. He has a lifetime of evidence to back up this thought process. He is constantly demeaned and insulted by larger Hell society, and was treated as unworthy and lesser since childhood. He also just fucking hates himself and blames himself for everything. He’s not gonna suddenly gush his feelings, especially over text. He’s also gonna read into others’ words extremely negatively, until the true meaning is explicitly explained to him. Which isn’t very likely in a text conversation, when he’s not going to ask for proper clarification and the other party can’t tell that he’s misconstruing the intention and so doesn’t know they need to explain more anyway.

So, he isn’t going to initiate a text conversation unless it’s for a serious reason. He clearly doesn’t use it as a method of conversation as much as a quick way to get in touch with other people and exchange information (ex- his seemingly “impossible to misunderstand” text to Loopty in C.H.E.R.U.B. & his conversation about the portal with Millie in Seeing Stars). In Blitzø’s eyes, Stolas says "hey this is/isn’t happening", and he says "ok got the info" and he moves on from there. Information exchange. Then Stolas starts trying too hard, after Ozzie’s, to take his feelings into account without fully understanding Blitzø’s feelings to begin with, and starts backtracking and talking around the point again. He already got Blitzø’s reply, but then backtracks, which doesn’t give Blitzø the direct information he needs, leading to him misunderstand the proffered options as a dismissal instead of a clear confirmation with the option for him to refuse. Blitzø already is going to have issues reading/fully understanding the long wordy messages Stolas sends, he isn’t going to understand the nuance that Stolas’ specific phrasing is trying to say, and is going to see a “but you don’t have to/only if you want” attempt at giving him autonomy and boundaries, as a “don’t/I don’t want you to” full negation.

Stolas is also downplaying their experience at Ozzie’s, which is not only negating his own traumatic experiences with being shamed and insulted (not the healthiest mindset), but also minimizes Blitzø’s feelings and experience then as a result. Blitzø is going to see this as confirmation that it wasn’t as important/emotionally painful to Stolas as it was to Blitzø. Stolas making light of a situation that started a breakdown for Blitzø just proves to Blitzø that he’s the one overreacting, and that Stolas does find him less important, as the entire situation was already about Stolas valuing him less, in his eyes.

Stolas trying to overexplain and backtrack in the lack of access to Blitzø’s own thoughts is hurting them both in this situation. None of his pushing and flip-flopping is going to make Blitzø more eager to initiate a conversation or respond more, especially through a form he’s uncomfortable with using. And this makes Stolas feel unheard and undervalued, which leads to him try even harder, which leads to Blitzø shutting himself off even more, and so on. A lovely miscommunication feedback loop.

And knowing all of this is what makes that last text so important.

Blitzø initates the conversation for the first time. He writes what is, for him, a full sentence, with an emoji. He’s expressing himself as best he can, and is showing his actual feelings in the message. He’s going out of his way to say something to Stolas.

Which then… Stolas overwhelms him with more emotions and words. He’s not comfortable with emotional conversation and too much at once would freak him out, and the immediate upfront honest thoughts Stolas sends in the wake of Blitzø’s own emotional expression aren’t what he necessarily needs or wants to deal with, especially so soon after that worldview-shattering realization, the following guilt spiral, and the subsequent opening up that the first text is.

Yet he then, in spite of these hurdles, starts to reply.

But he gives up.

We don’t know for sure what he was going to say, but an easy read of his thoughts would be: he tried to express his feelings again in some way, was failing to do it right, was overwhelmed with feelings he didn’t know how to handle, and angrily gave up. Probably cursing himself out for even trying.

It’s not callous or uncaring or lacking reciprocity. It’s the full opposite. He’s trying so hard, but failing again. He cares so much and is incapable of expressing it verbally and unable to receive similar care in return.

Look back to the other time he tried this hard to write something emotional. The letter for Fizz. The love letter. And see how that situation went? He got overwhelmed, angry at everything and at himself for thinking he could try at all, and it all ended in fucking disaster. That he blames himself for. That he hates himself for. But here he tried to do it again anyway, while thinking, again, what happened to Stolas was his fault. That one message means so fucking much.

To Blitzø, the idea of visiting Stolas in the hospital was out of the question entirely, and him being asked to so immediately and candidly would make his guilty brain fall over itself even more. He’s never been allowed to visit his loved ones in the hospital, and the entire reason they were hospitalized to begin with was because of Blitzø, so how could this situation be any different? He wasn’t allowed to visit Fizz or Barbie, people who at least at one point he believed cared about him, so he’s definitely not going to be allowed to visit Stolas, who he already thinks doesn’t really give a shit.

That text was the best he could do at that time.

To really communicate effectively, these two need to sit down in front of each other and actually explain where they’re coming from. The lack of knowledge of the other’s position and situation, both in their past and currently in this relationship, is hurting them, and making understanding each other more difficult. The class difference and the differences in upbringing, despite both having garbage fathers and fucking meeting each other as children, are impeding their understanding and view of the other. Both Stolas’ obliviousness toward the actual differences in station and opportunity between him and imps as a whole, and inability to realize Blitzø’s personal difficulties with communication (based in the same place he’s blind to), and Blitzø’s (valid) disdain for the upper class and his view of the stronger, and especially of Stolas, as too good and important to bother with him and too powerful to feel actual pain, are the things they need to fucking address.

Blitzø already got this worldview fucked with, between seeing Stolas worry so much over his daughter, and then actually getting badly hurt. He now knows Stolas can care, and that he can feel pain, and that makes him at least peripherally aware that he’s able to be emotionally hurt.

By Blitzø.

Stolas, meanwhile, is vaguely at the point of comprehending he holds more power in their dynamic because of their differences in status, and him holding the key to Blitzø’s entire business and livelihood. He now knows Blitzø didn’t think he wanted anything other than sex, because of his hasty and overly selfish attempt at keeping him around. And it was a sex deal! He realizes he was wrong for holding that over Blitzø and that his actions and words in the past helped cause the misunderstanding that he didn’t care for Blitzø past getting sexual favors.

Stolas is gonna try to fix this power imbalance by giving up the entire premise of their current relationship, in the vain hope Blitzø will understand and then reciprocate his actual feelings, while Blitzø is now vaguely trying to actively prove he gives a shit about people, even while unsure of Stolas’ feelings toward him, and the result of these intentions clashing is gonna be a goddamn mess, unless miraculously they can communicate around the inevitable misunderstanding.

Please somebody let them explain themselves and have the other fucking listen.

They both love each other, but are fucked up from trauma and are neurodivergent, so they express themselves differently and can barely figure out their own shit, let alone explain it to the other. Get therapy and try new communication styles.

But they are slowly learning. They have the tools and ability to figure this out if they both try. It’s not futile. It just might take some fuck ups and more time to fully get there.

Sincerely, an AuDHD emotional abuse victim that sees themself in both of these idiots and wants to scream.

[xx-j4nu5-c4t5-xx]

I've been thinking about PT9 and how he'd acclimate to Sim society, and what struggles everyone would face trying to incorporate him into everything, and I think the hardest thing would be communication. Sure, teaching terrestrial language to an alien species would be hard, but you're sure to find some kind of common ground somewhere in a verbal language. Eventually, using some sort of concept or comparison as a sort of key, you'd be able to start translating things.

But what if you didn't have a verbal language to work with?

Back on Sixam, everyone had antennae, and everyone was always sort of tuned into a huge cloud of thoughts and emotions, like a hivemind. There was this constant buzz of feeling, at all times of the day, ever present in everyone's lives. You could feel the boredom of the students in class a few buildings away, you could feel the grogginess of the morning as neighbors woke up and started to get on with their days, you could feel everything. The aliens had written language, for documentation and stuff, but it didn't have a verbal equivalent. It didn't need one. You could have someone read the words, and the concepts could be shared immediately to everyone else in the room, no need to even open your mouth.

PT#9, having heard of the diversity and beauty of Earth (or wherever the hell Sims live idk), decides to leave everything he knows behind and settle down there. His travel through space isn't quiet, either, as he's got communication devices and a whole host of things on the ship that keep him tied to the network even when he's out in space.

And then he gets shot out of the sky by a fucking missile or something and when he wakes up in the crater, it's silent. Deafeningly, crushingly, overwhelmingly so. He can hear the remains of the ship smoldering and sparking, and the garbled noises of radio transmissions from the huge metal towers, but nothing holds any meaning. He can't feel anyone near him; at first, he's worried that he's crashed in a completely deserted part of the globe.

It only gets worse after he meets Jenny. He's trying to communicate with her, trying to understand what she's feeling and what she wants, but there's nothing. He can't tune into her wavelength, and it seems as though she can't tune into his. Nobody can. They just keep ignoring him, whether they mean to or not, and instead they just keep chattering on in that strange melody that pours out of their mouths without end. He's blasting signals out into the world around him, trying to explain that he's lost and confused and injured and scared, and nothing is listening. Nobody's there to even hear it.

Eventually, he starts picking up on things. The noises are usually consistent; these creatures make the same noises to refer to the same objects. The "egg" noise always refers to the white oval things in the little carton in the fridge. But sometimes the noises are wildly unpredictable, used for things they shouldn't apply to or trying to mean something entirely different with the same sounds. It's mind-boggling to him, and progress is slow, but the two of them make progress together. His field was always biology, anatomy, studies of the body and how it works and forms. He has an easier time understanding the diagrams in Jenny's textbooks than he does Jenny herself. He's definitely no linguist, but he tries his hardest to bridge the gap, for both their sakes.

He gets the hang of it after a few years, enough to get by, and sometimes to even hold a decent conversation, but it's always slow and never instinctual. The concept of trying to crush so many ideas and feelings into such odd and unnatural vocalizations feels pointless. Exasperating. Why can't they just listen to him directly and cut out the middle man?

Improvement gets exponentially faster after Johnny is born, though. Having everything laid out simply, and seeing how people start to understand these things from the ground up, helps immensely. Pol and Johnny sort of learn to be normal Sims together, or at least as close as they can get.

Finding out that are other aliens and half-aliens with antennae gave him a little bit of hope, but he quickly found that none of them really used them. Most of them had been born into all of this "talking" stuff, and the ones that hadn't had already become fluent in it beforehand, leaving no use for the direct communication. Strangetown was still quiet, filled with chatter that only had meaning if you focused as hard as you could on the sounds. Pol was always in the dark, no matter what he did.

He left Sixam to be free of the noise and rigidness of it all, and boy, did he get it. Nothing made sense to him anymore. Nobody was guiding him or telling him what to do or updating him on the news or simply spilling out all their frustrations into the network. It was just silence, for as far as the antennae could feel.

An extra tidbit that occured to me: Pol would know exactly what happened the night Pascal got abducted; for the first time in two decades, someone got close enough that he could eavesdrop on an intelligible message.

[shinoposting]

A comprehensive guide as to why Aburame Shino is peak Autistic Representation

Very long post under the cut!

( This is poorly organized and doesn't actually include everything, but you know :] )

It starts with the flashback to when Torune was taken and flashbacks to early academy days, during which Shino is about 7.

He showed no interest in playing with other children, or in making friends. He didn't see a point in talking to people who didn't want to discuss his special interest, which he dedicated all his free time to, and he didn't emote when Torune was taken away, even though it impacted him very deeply. Even as a small child he talked "like an adult", monotonous, strange phrasing, over-explaining, and too quietly. When he wasn't being ignored by his classmates, they were trying to use him.

Later on when you see him socialize more, in Pre-Teen and Teenage years, more things become apparent.

In general he seems semi-verbal, most of the time silent, and becomes agitated when forced to repeat himself. Konoha Hiden expands on this, saying that he wishes people just knew what he meant and felt without him having to talk, and that he is bonded to Akamaru because he feels that Akamaru is the only one who he can communicate with in that way. When he's upset he isolates and at one point is even seen hitting his head when he was trying to cool down and was interrupted by unwanted social interaction.

He doesn't understand why people need to see his face, and usually doesn't look in the direction of the person he is addressing. He also doesn't understand jokes, rarely laughs, and angrily dissects puns…but then later puns become his entire sense of humor. He's never dressed for the season, either. Aburames tend to be very covered up by default but besides his Part 1 outfit he is always in multiple layers regardless of the season. (Year round trench coats are a huge autistic stereotype.) He gets along better with people outside of his age group, respected by adults and looked up to by younger kids who think he is cool and knowledgeable. Konoha Hiden also states that during this period he was suffering with comorbid Anxiety and Depression.

There's a lot of black and white thinking on display, for example he is anti-alcohol-- obviously he would have been taught not to drink as an Aburame, but he also doesn't like when others drink. He sees it as universally bad. He's a stickler for the rules and often scolds his peers for not following rules and guidelines. He also seems like a bit of a prude even though it is suggested that he himself has a dirty mind (noticing girls' cup sizes and the implications of Road to Ninja treating his Personal Business as a personality trait) which is a funny hypocrisy I have noticed in a lot of autistic people. He holds a hell of a grudge and ruminates endlessly, which is documented at higher rates in autistic people due to rigid thinking.

He is trying to make friends like Torune wanted, and is now aware that not having friends is a bad thing. He starts feeling the pain of being ostracized not only in general but also by his friend group and isn't even sure if he has friends. He is 17 years old before he understands what allistics consider friend status.

We start to see some of his sensory issues pop up too. He is seen wearing sunglasses even at night and while sleeping. He hates any food that smells strongly and his favorites are pretty bland. He pulls a piece of meat out of his mouth, in public, uncharacteristically violating taboo. He was able to identify the number of people in a distant group only by sound at a time when this would have been above his skill level. (Which makes sense. Team 8 is thus Eyes, Ears, Nose. More on this later.) By Boruto, he has added ear protection and stronger eye protection that he wears when he is expecting to be near fluorescent lights or crowds. Suddenly his overall mood is greatly improved and he can smile openly.

He shows signs of hyperempathy in being overly distressed when losing insects, as he has many millions of them, and having an exaggerated physical response to anticipating Sakura and Naruto's despair.

He has chronic bitchy resting face and is extremely blunt to a a degree of being insulting, which makes people assume he is a mean person. He also comes across as pedantic to his peers, when from his perspective he's just didactic, and even though he over-explains everything his peers still have difficulty understanding what he's saying.

He will also randomly connect the topic of discussion to his special interest and begin infodumping about bugs, and isn't aware that people around him are not interested or worse, repulsed by his special interest until told, at which point he feels personally hurt. Generally his interests are very stereotypical of an autistic person: bugs, comics, ecology, strategy, etc.

He seems level-headed and robotically analytical until he reaches a certain threshold when he suddenly over-emotes in dramatic and awkward ways.

You might notice that when his hands aren't in his pockets, he doesn't seem to know what to do with them; they're always balled into fists, which smells of someone who was taught not to stim. Even so, when he gets really excited in Konoha Hiden and is being himself, he starts spinning around. His speech quirk preceding frequent over-explanations (Why? Because... / The reason is because...) is also considered a type of echolalia.

Mentioning Hiden, in the Blank Period we start to see changes associated with the autistic experience of starting to understand that you are awkward, not knowing how to fix it, and all the anxiety that comes with that. He is stuck riding the lag train and is fully ready to become a hermit in the woods.

He isn't understood in the way that he wants to be understood. He can't let himself get comfortable in other people's homes. He uses his trench coat as a barrier between himself and other people, treating it like a security blanket. He still doesn't understand how his choice of attire affects people's perception of him and becomes agitated when he's told it makes him look suspicious. He doesn't appear to be pursuing any intimate relationships, and displays a lack of boundaries when picking Choji up with his insects when he gets excited.

The lag train becomes even more apparent in Boruto. He hasn't found a partner, his friends are growing even further away from him, and possibly worst of all he's seen as more childish-- too grown-up as a kid, too immature as an adult.

He is masking extremely heavily for the sake of his career, mirroring Iruka, removing almost all of his personal identity from his appearance including the parts that made him feel safe-- everything has to be professional. This actually hurts his ability to work with kids because he already knew how to talk to them, but he is now trying to emulate the image of a teacher for the sake of professionalism.

In the classroom he struggles with things I have seen real-life autistic teachers talk about: He works well with the younger kids, they love him and his fun facts, but the older ones can tell that there is something different about him and they will ignore or outright bully him. It's very difficult to control them or hold their interest. (He later develops stomach problems due to stress from working with said older kids)

The big problem is that he is not good at masking. In traditional settings with very clearly defined roles and rules of how to act and what to say he gets by just fine, but in organic interactions it's nothing but spaghetti and this causes him severe stress. He is proud of himself for being able to speak to many people in a day now but at what cost? Pattern recognition and rigid thinking of course leads to rumination spirals, and under extreme pressure he starts reverting to childish things. He has only had Kura-maa a short time before he becomes attached and starts personifying it. This may seem childish, but autistic people are more likely to do this and will continue to do so later into life than their allistic peers. (See Object Personification in Autism: This paper will be very sad if you don’t read it)

He has become a real people-pleaser, allowing himself to be imposed upon constantly, and apologizes excessively even for situations that were not his fault, which are both behaviors many autistic people pick up. And, for all his masking, he can't hide that he is still terrible at understanding and constructing metaphors, ie "bad insects" and the yakisoba bun analogy.

He is trying his damnedest to adapt and accommodate himself in a rapidly changing world that wasn't very friendly to him to begin with. He was able to slide under the radar as respectable and somewhat normal when the world was as rigid as he is. Now every day he's facing new challenges that he isn't used to and he's acting a little fucked up and neurotic, overcompensating and making it worse.

So yeah, maybe he's not 'cool' by most standards. Not everyone gets a happy ending where they become the most ideal version of themselves. Not in real life, and not in animes that have hundreds of characters. What's important is that he is exactly on the trajectory set by previous installments to the series and very accurately and thoroughly depicting autistic struggles in every aspect of life. And that's pretty cool to me. :)

[inchidentally]

this is so embarrassing but I got rly into the horoscope stuff about landoscar and wrote a giant thing about it all

unlike Lando I wasn't that knowledgeable about astrology before this, just the basics. so I took from a bunch of different sources.

if someone sees this and knows astrology pls add onto it bc it's really fascinating (also I'm new to fandom so if someone already did this I'm sorry I haven't seen it yet)

Oscar is an Aries and Lando of course Scorpio.

Both are signs that can have a tendency toward complications in any of their relationships mainly because of their ambition. But as we'll see they themselves bond over ambition.

They represent the beginning and end of the astrological cycle (Aries is the start, Scorpio is the end). So not only complimentary but also very powerful within their signs.

In terms of modalities, Oscar's Aries is a Cardinal Fire sign and Lando's Scorpio is a Fixed Scorpio. Aries starts things and Scorpio sees them through. I read this as Lando saying that Oscar will challenge him a lot more and push him - I always saw this as Lando seeing a fresh start to his own career.

Updated to add: Oscar's moon is in Virgo which is actually a huge clicking point for him and Lando in terms of creativity/inspiration and being perfectionists. it backs up completely how they both say their input about the car is extremely similar. but also it fits with Lando being the type of creative who creates, and Oscar being a creative who consumes. Oscar's most recent viewing included Sex Education, Killing Eve and compelling documentaries so the boy isn't just throwing on any old crap to pass the time he's watching stuff that love has been put into. and of course Lando's turned his entire life into creative content.

Aries is a Fire sign and Scorpio is Water which I've already turned into a tag for them because I really like that.

Aries birthstone is Diamond and gemstone is Bloodstone. Scorpio's birthstone is Topaz and gemstone is Citrine. I wish I knew more to find out if that's significant.

Both are ruled by Mars and respect each other's ambitions.

They can take turns in cheering the other on from the sidelines but also motivate the other to be the best versions of themselves.

Aries and Scorpio are both made to be the center of things and be magnetic to others. Aries does this by being confident and stubborn while Scorpio is seductive and bossy. And wow if that doesn't describe some of the best and more 'challenging' aspects of their racing careers.

Aries is a born leader and Scorpio is a natural center of attention.

Scorpio will triumph in pursuing Aries and Aries will be "powerless to resist" BUT Scorpio will dive in really fast and risk their heart more. That's okay because once Aries has been won over they love to offer reassurance and attention to Scorpio. Kind of how we couldn't get a read on Oscar and were worried Lando wouldn't get his energy returned to him but after a few months we realized Oscar was really eager to work with Lando and was just nervous about him and McLaren/F1 etc.

When they clash it can be intense but they can also have an unbreakable, blind trust in each other that lets them reconcile without any resentment. They can also reconcile extremely quickly.

Seriously, trust between the two signs is until death to us part. Which for friends/teammates explains why they've already had to undergo a lot of competition between them but they only seem to get closer and more comfortable with each other.

Aries can help Scorpio get out of their own head and overcome insecurities by their (Aries) positive ambitious nature! I love that one.

Verbal communication is their weakest point because Scorpio is complex and frightened of opening up and Aries is straightforward and doesn't like to get lost in their own head. But honestly for teammates or friends I feel like it's better that they trust each other and it doesn't matter that they can't talk for hours on end like Lando does with Carlos. Especially since Lando said it was kind of a benefit being on separate teams to a friend like Carlos because the competition wasn't something they necessarily enjoyed. And we all know how that went with Daniel. Way better not being on the same team.

It's also for the best for Oscar and Lando because they're both averse to showing their hand emotionally too much and it could lead to a lot of miscommunication. Scorpio is scared of getting hurt and Aries is scared of being misunderstood.

The fact that they both value bravery and faithfulness is probably why they don't need much communication to be honest. They both respond to acts/demonstrations of trust more than expression through words. Again why their relationship has grown each time they face challenging races.

They're also compatibly healthy in that Scorpio finds bravery in facing their fears but Aries finds bravery in tackling a new challenge. So after a tough race when Lando finishes hiding away and licking his wounds he has Oscar there all ready to start the next race with a clean slate.

Funnily enough, Aries brings warmth and light to Scorpio and motivates Scorpio to let go of insecurities which is… really really sweet?? A lot of places describe Scorpio (esp early Nov) as being like an elusive intriguing moonbeam type person with Aries as a confident steady sunshine.

What I find most interesting is that at first glance their personalities seem at odds with their signs buttt after obsessing over them a solid what, 7 months or more? I think the fact that Aries/Oscar is genuinely much more socially confident and comfortable in new life situations fits in with how he is happy to travel around the world alone and board away from family and decide his own fate in F1 fits that perfectly. Whereas Lando socially always leans into another person to help him navigate public speaking or making content etc and his social battery tends to drain pretty fast around people he's not simpatico with which fits with Scorpios often seeming aloof and standoffish (press and fans misinterpreting this as Lando being a brat).

Apparently the thing they're best at doing together is sex sssooooo let's translate that into "pushing each other harder on the track" alsgfjsafj

ship/fic-centric stuff

They will ALWAYS fuck fast and fuck furious. Very little time will elapse between meeting and fuckening.

Romantic love will often only form after sexual gratification because Scorpio/Aries sex is apparently the best there is !! (crazy wild and never get enough etc) But when the romantic love is created it's intense and permanent.

They both have a hard line on infidelity within their relationship (Aries/Scorpio) and they would never cheat on each other. With other signs etc is more vague. If the bond isn't strong or the passion fades then they might cheat on other people - just never on each other. But if their other partners cheat on them then it's good night jim kite broken up/divorced/shipping the box of belongings with no note attached.

Apparently Scorpio will straight up be a freak in bed and Aries will love keeping up with them. Lando will want to do EVERYthing and Oscar will be ready to do anything for him.

Not that it's applicable outside traditional gender norms but in Scorpio/Aries relationships, Scorpio is always assigned distinctly feminine and Aries distinctly masculine. Again, gross in a cishet sense but if you're a believer in masculine and feminine energies then that's generally how they would fall.

Both signs are extremely possessive and it bonds them together so well because Scorpio needs to feel constant reassurance that the fire is still alive and Aries will always provide and be rock solid reliable. So a really easy form of conflict would be to have one of them unable to hide jealousy of either the other's partner or close friend. Apparently Lando would lash out and show spite whereas Oscar would sulk and openly glare.

Honestly so much of this was about intimacy and bonding through hot scorching risk-taking sex soooo I think the sky is the limit when it comes to how wild they would get real fast. Think Oscar crowding Lando a lot or making him do something exhibitionist and Lando getting frisky in inappropriate places or producing a heinous variety of erotic game play.

yea please add to this if you know anything else apparently I can't get enough of it

[merrivia]

hi, do u know why some ppl in the fandom think laurent and damens first time was r*pe? i get that damianos was selfish but i just can’t see it as *that*

I went back to read chapter 19 of Captive Prince just to make sure of my stance on the chapter. I honestly can’t tell you exactly why people think that, but I have my theories.

If you were going to superficially read this scene in that way, I would have thought people would question the master/slave dynamic Laurent has over Damen, more than the other way round.

It could very well seem like it’s Laurent who pushes Damen into it to begin with:

Damen says “I-don’t-“ and Laurent speaks for him. Laurent acts as if Damen is a slave and has no choice.

Now, to be clear, Laurent doesn’t rape Damen either. But if you read this bit in isolation, you might get concerned about consent. That’s why it’s important to read the chapter in its entirety (syncing it up with the bonus chapter 19 and a half) and making sure you contextualise it within the wider plot of the novel. They’re both still pretending in this scene, and that pretence is what allows them license to sleep with each other. Enemy princes, one of whom killed the other’s brother, cannot lie together. But a Prince can lie with his bed slave. So they both keep up this pretence to be able to have this.

Look at the pain it causes Damen, who is someone who is aching desperately for physical intimacy with Laurent, to try and clear his head and stop. It saddens him so much that Laurent might be trying to reward him with sex:

Pacat had difficult choices to make in this scene. She wanted it to be almost unbearably private and intimate. It needed to stay true to the characters and their arcs and the world she had created. Sex isn’t always an easy cheerful tumble as Damen has experienced it to be. This is intensely personal as it’s also about two people falling in love, and who in this moment cannot see a way as to how they could possibly be together.

The scene progresses in such a way which shows the two communicating- as much as one can, when one is lying about his identity, and the other is feigning ignorance. When one is sexually liberated and experienced and the other, hugely traumatised and repressed. In a novel whose invented world is modelled on societies from centuries ago.

Damen stops and checks for what Laurent wants:

Damen literally asks Laurent to tell him his own pleasure, because he wouldn’t just roll him over and mount i.e he literally would never rape him.

He lets Laurent control what he wants at numerous points, such as kissing and double checks that he’s okay with actual penetrative sex:

I really don’t know what person imagines that Laurent, a victim of sexual abuse, who as a consequence was probably unable to feel any kind of sexual feeling in himself until Damen and might even be enormously terrified of sex, could just casually open up verbally about what he wants. Pacat makes it clear multiple times that Laurent gets turned on by Damen and has no idea how to deal with that vulnerability, when sex is tangled up in his mind with all that happened to him.

Damen literally double and triple checks as to what Laurent once and Laurent directly asks him for sex:

I just can’t see where people are getting this idea from.

I have also read that Damen ‘fantasises about Laurent as a slave’ as part of this but…he doesn’t.

In CP he acknowledges Laurent would fetch a fortune at a slave auction, which is a material reality in his culture.

Later in KR, he wishes Laurent’s body didn’t have to be extensively prepared each time and was more like a slave or a pet, because they have no oil as lubricant (he smashes an oil lamp to solve the issue). In PG he thinks about the fact that if he turned Laurent over to the nearest Akielon army, it would lead to Laurent being given not to Nikamdros but to him. However there is no elaboration at all on what that may entail. It’s very much a hmm that would change our power dynamic, and I actually think Damen is a little turned on by the thought that Laurent could be in that role but its made very clear in the text that Damen is not a rapist.

In this scene in particular, Damen sees his first time with Laurent as incredibly meaningful:

A moment he wishes to be “worthy of”. It’s an expression of love not violence.

So why do people think this then?

Damen doesn’t pick up on Laurent’s psychological state because he doesn’t know that Laurent knows he is Damianos the man who killed Auguste. He is being selfish by sleeping with him and taking what Laurent is giving him, yes, but he really does think this is his last night with Laurent and isn’t strong enough to resist his yearning for him.

Which still is all categorically not rape.

So again, where does this come from?

Well…I do think a lot of people read a little carelessly? I’ve done it sometimes, though maybe more rarely as someone with a background in literary study. Not everyone reads closely, not everyone remembers everything that happens in a book and they form some half-baked theories due to this.

But why misread this scene to that extent, where I’d go as far as to say that it stands in direct opposition to what Pacat intended and how the scene actually reads?

If you want my theory on it, I think many white readers (and non-white) have unconscious prejudices. The darker, muscular character evokes highly racist stereotypes of rape and assault; the fair, blond characters are the idealised objects of beauty and desire (who clearly need saving from dark men and their brutish sexuality 🙄).

I do think some people must surely be mapping these prejudices onto this scene and making it fit. It’s the only plausible reason I can think of.

I sometimes wonder whether some of the Auguste/Laurent shippers are people who want the fantasy of two blonds together. Like *ugh get that dark man away from Laurent*. I am not one to morally police the fiction people write and consume, I’m just saying the personal is the political and I can’t help but feel there might be some who think that…

So yeah that’s what I think! Hope that helps.

[onlyjaeyun]

This chapter took me alllll the way apart. I feel like there are two conversations going on between them right now. One is with their words and the things they say. The other and (dare I say) more authentic one is with actions.

Their relationship started as a pairs skating partnership. That is an incredibly intimate (not even in a sexual way—I mean they were kids) relationship and the primary way you communicate is in a relationship like that is with your body. You trust each other with your body. You support each other with your body. It’s all in what you do and how you physically relate to each other.

Their words are so harsh and fierce (at least they were until this chapter) but what they DO is what is REALLY revealing their story.

When Hoon left her the first time with no aftercare, it broke her. Because they did something so intimate and then he did not ACT in a way that was considerate of her. That wrecked her. She can’t even be in that same position again. But that messed HIM up too honestly. Because he IMMEDIATELY did something to make up for it. He beat up Jaemin. He had to. Was COMPELLED to because he could never truly just take from her and walk away.

The next series of action play out like this beautiful unspoken dance... He restored balance by wrecking Jaemin and immediately went after her. Separated her from Fuma systematically. Established their connection to his face. Kissed her lips after he saw her kiss Fuma. Put her in his clothes…That connection that they have is like a gaping hole when they aren’t together. They grew up together. It was a part of them. Once they reactivated it there was never going to be any going back.

Nearly every day they were together. Then those boys came for her and made her cry and he went 3 against 1. Wrecked. She’s his girl. It’s just that neither of them recognize it yet. She doesn’t want anyone else. She said it herself. (Lowkey I am DYING for some possessive moments from Hoon—like during intimacy—as well as their other interactions—there have already been many but I sense—especially after this—that there will be more. (Especially with her staying with Shotaro 👀 —I mean the TaroFlake relationship is mad platonic buuuut Hoon may not get that.)

Anyways this night is just a huge culmination of all those things. He comes to her space. They stare at each other. Snowflake physically reacts to his laughter (I WAS WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS OMG). They verbally protest Hee’s dare but never physically do because they need to be close to each other. And then… THE NOD—

The moment he answered her with the head nod… That was huge for me. For both of them, their body responds when their words can’t. (I love the parallel you drew with them both having to nod to answer the hard questions—the vulnerable questions THIS is what puts you a cut above the rest) It’s just so clear that the foundation of what they built together all those years ago is still there. Their connection is just too deep. And those moments when they almost unintentionally (physically) access it again—it just hits so hard. I’m—🥺

He came to her space then he calls her to his.

The way he HAS to know if she is ok. I can’t wait till she finds out he beat them too 💀—and she’s honest with him… honestly I feel like this interaction is one of the first if not the first time their verbal exchange truly begins to mirror what is going on with their bodies (and hearts).

She finds out that he fought for her and she is immediately ready to come back and meet him with her own actions. Telling him the truth about why she cried. Riding him without protection… Yes it’s hot but it’s EVERYTHING.

She never let the others do it.

Because they weren’t HIM.

They haven’t fought for her like he has. They haven’t bled for her like he has. They haven’t built a part of their souls together like the two of them have. Letting him into her is not like it is with other people because HE is already there. In way too deep. And of course he’s never let anyone as close as he let her. Of course. This act of vulnerability is just so huge for both of them. Because I know they swore they would never be vulnerable to each other again but they were and they are.

And don’t eeeeeven get me started on the mirror. He built her up where she could see herself. It’s breathtaking. He puts her in a position of power with both his words and his actions and MAKES her SEE it. Freaking Poetry.

And when he says “please I don’t want this to end”—I feel like he’s not just talking about their encounter—he’s talking about really—truly—being CLOSE to her again.

And the kiss. Such a beautiful intimate act.

Showering together is really a very intimate act. Trust me. That is not something you just randomly share with people. Like there is a strange sort of domestic closeness there that is just lovely to put them in. And he offers it to her because he doesn’t want her to leave…

And he talks with her. There’s conversation (DYING to know what they talked about!! Riki? The team? When they first suspected Heeki was happening?)… The verbal barriers are finally coming down.

But he send her home in his clothes again. A sweatshirt this time. Covers even more of her body than the t-shirt in his clothes—casually possessive. And she puts it on…

I love how you ended it with him FINALLY questioning his own feeling in a truly meaningful way.

She didn’t just make him feel good in bed. She made him FEEL good. Just feel good.

And that’s everything.

Passion is such a strong overarching theme with them. They shared a passion for skating. They passionately hate each other and they passionately are drawn to each other again and again. I am just sighing and kicking my feet. I really do be daydreaming about them.

I physically cannot wait for what is next. I (think I) saw you were taking a break for a few days after putting out this chapter and that is so well deserved. I hope you have a wonderful rest and do amazing on your exams! Thank you so so much for this chapter. It was (somehow) even BETTER than I could have hoped for.

here's the second part of said ask mentioned previously and i think you guys understand what i mean when i say i keep rereading them because of how amazing they are. it will forever leave me mesmerized but also incredibly impressed and actually quite proud to see such deep analysis and thoughts regarding something i wrote and ive actually been thinking about what to respond for so long but every time injust find myself stuck because i'm so 🥺 speechless??? i love your interpretation of things and the way you view and love my characters, you're giving me one of the biggest gifts a writer could receive and i hope you know that. no amount of words of gratitude will ever be enough to express what these asks mean to me. thank you so much baby 🥺 i will forever keep these close to my heart 🥺💗

[definitelynotshouting]

MMMMMMM SPACE AU IS GOING TO MAKE ME BRAINROT ABOUT THE LANGAUCW BARRIERS AAAAAAAAAAAA

thinking about the fucking ✨I n t i m a c y✨ of learning each other’s body languages and routines/habits and slowly falling in love with the more subtle parts of each other rather than through simply getting to know each other. ALSO ALSO ALSO WITH ALIENS!!!!!! I cannot fucking BEGIN to stress the importance of physical touch. Coming from someone who grew up shipping spirk, PHYSICAL TOUCH IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING. The small gestures, learning each other’s cultural and personal boundaries and adjusting to that even if it’s smth small like, avoiding touching direct skin. Showing that they care, and are considerate at the same time. Other things like trying each other’s native foods that they love, or watching the stars in complete silence together. Just UGH, language barriers are so fucking important to me bc it literally leaves them to fall in love with ALL of each other. Not just their upfront personality, or sense of humor, or manner of speaking, but EVERYTHINNGG. GOD IM GOING TO GO INSANE BC OF THIS WAYAGGGHHHHH.

ANON NO JOKE THIS IS SUCH A HUGE REASON WHY I INCORPORATED A LANGUAGE BARRIER INTO THE INITIAL IDEA OF THIS AU. You are SO right for this its about everything you said and also the expression of love to learn someone else's language even imperfectly just so you can communicate with them. Im so ill in the brain abt it like oh my GODS i love space aus that really lean into the cultural differences and cultural exchange of it all

Also anon you will LOVE that fact that glossy and i were talking the other day about the concept in your other ask-- we've determined that Scar and Jellie's species (now officially called Tsabii) has a huge thing about colours. Ive been picturing their planet to have a lot of deserts and warmer climates with only a few extreme cold ones, as well as a lot of underground cave systems, so colour is something very important and traditional to their people. We decided Tsabii actually translates roughly to "spectrum/all colours/all spirits" and is basically their own word for people as a collective. And instead of saying something like "you make me incredibly happy" you'd say something along the lines of "you have bright colours"

Scar, at some point down the line, tells Grian almost offhandedly that he's the "most colourful person [he's] ever seen." Which is like. Probably one of the most smitten and romantic things a Tsabii can ever say to someone else. A bit like saying aishiteru in Japanese. It's not something you'd ever say in public because it's practically verbal pda, incredibly intimate, and basically declaring this person the center of your world and happiness. And Scar just. Says it to him. With perfect, calculated casualness.

Of course Grian doesn't understand the connotations of that. He's out here assuming Scar just really likes the colour red. And ohhhh my gods the fun we've been having turning that concept around, its been making me insane

Anyway tldr; anon u are so right for everything and i am solemnly shaking your hand

[baby-zakarii]

askahsjd im too shy to post from my main cuz its not agere related but im a huge jjba part 2 enjoyer n hc p much all of the pillarmen as regressors but am too shy to post content abt it bleh :P so im jus gonna share some hcs cuz why not !!

kars regresses to around 4-6 yrs old, usually is non verbal cuz he’s insecure abt his deeper voice when lil. mostly communicates thru signing, or word cards. he’s mostly a trauma regressor due to not having a dad / difficult childhood w his mom. esidisi is his cg (n husband hehehehej), n is a very soft, caring cg who is very silly n playful hehe :3

wamuu either is a very younger regressor, 1-3 yrs or a bit older at around 6-8. feels nervous abt regressing in front of esi n kars cuz,,thats his dads but eventually he warms up to esi a lil bit. mostly regresses around santana, they like to play fight and do silly things together like climb trees or snuggle n watch movies

santana is a permaregressor! he’s just a lil guy, 1-4 yr age range, very attached to his big brother wamuu, follows him around lots and always wants to play. can be a bit fussy/emotional sometimes and a bit bratty but he’s a good boi most of the time.

esidisi doesn’t rly regress that much, he just is a child at heart n likes to be silly, is a lil overemotional. when he is regressed tho he’s either 3-4 or 7-8, n kars loves to dot on him and give him lots of love since it’s so rare to see him b lil.

okay bye bye I shall be back again w more pillar bab headcanons hehehe

Okay I love this so much i'm gonna elaborate

- Kars being insecure about his voice is SO REAL. Poor baby :( I think he'd love getting his hair done!

- Wamuu is totally a baby regressor, he needs cuddles from his dadas and bubby! He'd probably try to stay in bigger headspace when regressing but eventually slip to a toddler stage

- Sweet lil Santana... following his bubby like a duckling❤️ He gets carried a lot by Esidisi due to how wobbly he is on his tiny feets

- Esidisi's rare regression moments are likely full of tears since he's so sensitive, love how he and Kars take care of eachother when small :>

[quiverwingquack]

How do you think DW and LP comfort each other?

You didn’t specify which version so I’m gonna talk about both💜🧡

1991:

This Drake is prickly. Before he meets LP and Gos, he’s pretty much entirely alone, so he’s a little rusty at socializing. Like, playing with Gos and tucking her in was almost definitely the most love he’d had in years, and he’s still learning how to love and to be loved.

Because of that, I think he’s more fond of physical comfort! LP offers him a hug when he’s in a bad mood and Drake doesn’t let go for a full five minutes. Drake gets frustrated and starts getting worked up but if LP reaches out and holds both of his hands it helps him ground himself and calm down. He doesn’t have to explain why he’s struggling, LP is there regardless.

Launchpad is better at communicating, but he has a harder time expressing when he needs comfort? Like, in Star Crossed Circuits he feels like Drake is replacing him, but instead of saying something he just feels brokenhearted and unwanted. Plus, he admits his own dad kicked him out as a young adult, so I think he has a history of feeling like it’s easier to bottle it up and pretend he’s fine.

So I think having someone else provide verbal comfort is what helps. Someone to notice the smaller signs he shows when he’s trying to hide it. When he’s upset about Binkie telling him he should dress nicer for her upcoming dinner party, Drake’s quick to say “well I think your outfit looks good. It brings out your eyes.” Or, if LP’s feeling rundown after a hard night chasing criminals, “patrol was rough tonight, I couldn’t have done it without you.” It’s an invitation to open up if he wants to, and a reminder that Drake is there for him even if he doesn’t.

2017:

You know how Scrooge meets 2017!Drake multiple times and forgets his face every single time? I like to think that’s a reoccurring problem. Drake is constantly either bullied or forgotten, which is good for his Secret Identity, but absolutely devastating for his need for attention.

So when it comes to comfort, Drake likes being listened to. If he’s frustrated about a case he can’t crack, he’ll call LP from half a world away and talk til they work it out. He has a bad panic attack and LP distracts him by encouraging him to infodump about a Darkwing headcanon til he’s calm. Part of it is the comfort that comes from finally having attention and part of it is the comfort of knowing Launchpad wants to be there and wants to listen.

This Launchpad is lonely. Like, he has exes all over the world, he has friends on every continent, but no one ever sticks around? Fenton and Dewey are his first real friends in who knows how long. He rambles to Scrooge while he drives and panics when he thinks Beakley’s firing him cause he’s always aching for connection that he can never find.

Comfort for him is being together. The McDucks host a huge party, and Drake holds his hand the entire night when the crowds get overwhelming. It’s Drake sitting up with him all night when he’s nervous about finally getting his pilot’s license. There’s comfort in having Drake there and in knowing he’s always going to be.

[alpacahat67]

Idia Shroud is Autistic-Coded; Here's Why

Hello! Happy Autism Awareness Month! In celebration, I will be posting a wholeeee load of autistic traits I have found in Idia. This is coming from a person who, while undiagnosed, is most likely autistic.

If you have any additions, please tell me in whatever way is most convenient (comments, reblogs, asks, dms... whatever.) This list will likely be evergrowing as more events, vignettes, and story content are added to TWST. Some of these may be a stretch but ya know.

This is organized by trait for your (and my) convenience. Begins under cut!

*Warning, I am not a medical professional. I'm just autistic and for a while got fixated on autism itself. Which is why I call myself autistic... I've been researching this shit for many years lol

We'll be starting with DSM-5 requirements in order to be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Then, we will move to common experiences (things that most autistic people experience, but aren't a tell-tale sign that you're autistic and aren't a requirement for a professional diagnosis.) Finally will be disorders that Idia shows symptoms of that tend to co-occur with ASD.

Numbered list will explain the traits Idia demonstrates. At the end, the diagnostic criteria specified will be stated in parentheses and quotation marks.

A) Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts...

Generally, Idia is seen to have trouble communicating with his peers if not behind a screen or while interacting with something he enjoys (such as talking about anime or playing a board game.) ("Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation...")

Idia's way of expressing emotion is difficult to pin down. He will go from speaking very quietly (and stuttering usually) in a near-monotone voice with an "emotionless" expression to talking loudly, quickly, and with a HUGE smile on his face. We don't quite get to see how he responds to nonverbal communication or how he portrays it himself (probably because it doesn't come up, or because of live2d restrictions), but we do learn that he hates eye contact I believe in his Birthday Boy vignette when he claims to hate having to laugh and make eye contact with normies (masking right there buddy go to a doctor) ("Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.")

This is where it could kinda get stretchy, partially because I for the life of me am having trouble understanding A.3. BUT. Idia is often very blunt, to the point where he's straight up rude, especially in situations where that kind of attitude is... not very helpful. See the Phantom Bride event when he chastises the boys coming to rescue him for looking disheveled after fighting for their lives, which makes them not want to rescue him despite his life being on the line (I think Ace even goes off on him for this lol.) Furthermore, the only people amongst his peers that he will indulge are Azul, Ortho and (unknowingly, and only online) Lilia. The rest he has zero interest in, whether he despises or is scared of them. They're all normies. Finally, it's shown that throughout his life he has had very little if not zero friends in real life aside from Ortho. To be fair, I don't think there were many kids his age back home lol. ("Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.")

Part one of an autism diagnosis down! Idia shows persistent deficits in each social and communication area specified through A.1-A.3. In order to be diagnosed, you also much show two out of four of restricted, repetitive behaviors specified through B.1-B.4 below.

B) Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history...

Due to live2d restrictions, we never exactly get to see Idia physically stim. (Well, I'd argue we get to see Floyd physically stim with his constant swaying back and forth, but not like they can flap their hands or anything.) This one's a stretch, but his form of verbal stimming could be the little sound effects he makes at times, mostly in book 6 actually. Specifically, his "DA DA DA DAAAAA" after explaining the plot of Star Rogue to the overblot victims in Styx as well as his "BOOM BADA BOOM BOOM BOOM! HAH!" after finishing Ortho in the flashback sequence. Other than that, the only other ideas I'd have for repetitive movements or sounds are headcanons. I don't know if I'd count this one. ("Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech")

This is another one I don't think we ever see in-game. I don't know... the things I could consider part of this criteria would better fit as sensory things~! Again I'm an Idia connoisseur but if you know anything about this please tell me I will update this one. ("Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior")

Idia is shown to have MULTIPLE very strong interests. Whether this might be a special interest or hyperfixation... it's hard to tell, but I can sure guess. The longest-running interest we see him show to have, originating from way back when Ortho was still alive, is Star Rogue. Because he seems to know nearly everything about the game and has also maintained the interest for a long time, I would consider this a special interest (along with engineering and technomancy, which he's said to have excelled in since a young age.) Idia does talk about certain specific animes and other games he enjoys, but not to the degree of Star Rogue (yes that's my basis here), so I don't know if that's a special interest or just a hyperfixation. It's the same situation with idol groups, particularly Premo (or Fates on the Edge). This isn't even it. That man is fandom trash and I love him. ("Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus")

Idia is shown on multiple occasions to have sensory issues. To the point where, similarly to his strong interests, I don't know if I know half of it. During the Phantom Bride event and his Union Birthday vignette, Idia complains about his neck feeling cold due to his hair being brushed behind his hair (PB) or up in a ponytail (UB). He also complains about his Phantom Bride suit AND his Birthday Boy suit being "stuffy", but that one could also be a stretch. In the Harveston event, Idia says that he only eats his apples canned or peeled, which I'd chop up to sensory issues once again. (Although, that one could also be under B.2) Idia constantly has his headphones around his neck to listen to music. A bit of a stretch, but they're also noise canceling, so there's a chance he uses them to avoid overstimulation. Finally, Idia states that he doesn't like fish because it's smelly and slimy. I get that Idia raw fish is texture hell. As far as I know, there's no point in which Idia under-reacts to sensory input (e.g. pain) or becomes very invested in it (like staring at a moving wheel.) ("Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment")

And there we have it. Autism diagnosis. Idia demonstrates persistent deficits in all three sections under A and at least two sections under B. BUT WAIT! We still have C-E!

C) Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Really, the only point in which we see Idia demonstrate autistic traits in early life is his interest in Star Rogue. This is probably just because of how the storyline is. We actually don't know very much about Idia OR Ortho when they were young. However I would argue that Idia does mask because of the multiple times where he immediately just gets upset prior to talking to someone (something he probably hides during conversation). And ofc that one time he complains about talking to normies in his Birthday Boy vignette (? it could've be a voice line.)

D) Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

Idia's symptoms in fact significantly impair his life. I think that alone is obvious enough. We see it every time that man's on screen.

E) These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay...

Symptoms that Idia experiences could very well be explained by other mental disorders such as social anxiety, but these are not intellectual disabilities. Explaining away ASD for Idia falls into a trap many autistic people do in real life with medical professionals who just can't believe that their patient is autistic for one reason or another; these people will sometimes receive a dozen different diagnoses that all could be better explained by autism spectrum disorder. That's not very cool. Therefore, this does not apply.

Specifically, Idia would likely have ASD co-morbid with social anxiety and most likely clinical depression. (I HAVE done some minor research into Idia and bipolar disorder, but that's a situation for another day and far more of a stretch than ASD ever could be.)

DSM-5 requirements cleared! Next stage, common experiences.

This is another thing I will need help for because it's not like there's scholarly articles on "things a lot of autistic people experience but it's definitely not something a doctor will ask you about." So please share. This is the list that will never stop growing.

Abnormal posture (Crewel gets onto Idia for not standing up straight, he often is portrayed sitting in chairs with his knees to his chest, and he's seen doing "dino hands" or "T-Rex arms" in battle mode on occasion.)

Target of bullying (Many autistic people, especially autistic girls, tend to be bullied more often than their allistic peers. While not always to his face, people do tend to talk bad about Idia behind his back, Ortho even has a 'Don't Talk Shit About My Brother' beam for the bullies lol.)

More tone + social stuff... (Things that the DSM-5 thing didn't quite fit. In book 6 he jokes about torturing the overblots and when everyone's like 'dude wtf' he's like 'what it was a joke dumbass.' Could be written off as just an odd sense of humor, or it could be difficulty reading the room lol.)

A love for lists and organization. (When Idia speaks autonomously in your guest room, he mentions having things exactly where you need them and how it's 'convenience'. He also seems to have a knack for practicality. It's not too much of a stretch to say it ties into a need for organization.) (Idia has every NRC student organized into multiple tier lists on the R-SSR rating system like the in-game cards based on certain factors, such as most social.)

Easily startled. (Self-explanatory. HieEh.)

Preference for connection through interests. (Another reason why he is disconnected from those around him, aside from the whole trauma thing, and calls most other people "normies." They don't "get" his interests, so he has no interest in being friends with them.)

Difficulty with processing time. (Remember when he had apparently been working on Ortho's uhhh starsender gear? For like 12 hours straight?"

Relaxes through interacting with interests (In the vignette I referenced in 7, when Ortho tells him to take a break, he decides to play Star Rogue. Ortho meant to sleep.)

Putting off needs until one can not longer ignore them. (Idia often gets so engrossed in what he's doing that he forgets to do basic self-care tasks like eating.)

Infodumping. (Shown a lot in book 6. Namely with his like 2-3 minute long rant about Star Rogue. The rest, such as him rambling on and on about Styx, seems to be used so the audience knows what the HELL is happening. He does go on rants outside of this book tho.)

Gifted kid (Yeah he was called a "boy genius.")

This is not a complete list by any means, I could go on for DAYS.

On the topic of co-occurring disorders, the two most obvious disorders Idia clearly is dealing with are social anxiety and depression. Both of which are often co-morbid with ASD.

While social anxiety and ASD have a lot of overlap, they aren't the same thing, but often autism can contribute to the development of social anxiety through masking and the general difficulties in socializing that come with autism. Allistic people tend to react negatively in response to an autistic person doing something that the allistic person deems unorthodox. This reaction can often cause a lot of internal turmoil for the autistic person due to rejection-sensitive dysphoria. Furthermore, masking requires a high level of awareness of one's environment as well as the judgment of others. Thus, social anxiety can often develop.

While I don't know how exactly autism might affect depression as it does social anxiety, I do know that depression is VERY common in autistic adults. 5 in 10 adults with ASD have depression, and living in a world built for those who are neurotypical is hard for anyone who is neurodivergent, which definitely does not help. And it sure as hell has to make it worse for Idia of all people.

Additions made by others (tysm!): @hey-haven mentions in a reblog Idia's low empathy towards other people. I recommend heading over to their blog to check out what they said because they do make an amazing point and it's probably far better than anything I could explain (lol). But to paraphrase, they cite specifically Idia making fun of his classmates who just fought for their lives to rescue him during the Phantom Bride event and his attitude towards the overblot victims and their reactions to being essentially kidnapped during book 6, in which he seems to not really "get" why they're so upset. Generally, when it surrounds emotions that aren't his own, he's pretty oblivious. They also bring up his little "whee-hee-hee" laugh! It brings up an observation I've seen of autistic people (seemingly) laughing at "random" or generally inappropriate times because we tend to express laughter in a voiced manner (like laughing out loud because you find something genuinely funny) rather than an unvoiced manner (like the little exhale you do at a funny photo on your phone). Idia laughs a lot, I don't know if it's realistic to connect it to autism or if it's better explained by him just being a weird guy (which I love about him don't get me wrong lol.) Although the study about this was with specifically autistic and non-autistic children though... it's food for thought I guess.

And with that, my essay comes to a close. Again, happy Autism Awareness Month! Share some of your favorite autistic, canon or otherwise, characters and boost autistic creators! And remember to not support Autism Speaks :)

Thank you for listening.

-Alpaca (autistic Idia Shroud enthusiast)

P.S. this post is so long that it's making my PC lag LMAOOOO

[vampiremeerkat]

I kinda need some advice (if you're comfortable giving), how does one keep their cool/sanity in the hellish atmosphere that is fandom nowadays? I really wanna get back to fanart and stuff as purely a hobby (and it was a huge part of my childhood) but considering how much of a warzone it is nowadays, I dunno if I can. Got anything?

Don't think I'm the right person to ask, I've not had that many entanglements with fellow fans throughout my online career. It's easy to assume that's because my overall viewership/online presence is low, but I've had the occasional semi-viral success and always enjoyed more praise than "criticism". I'd say fandoms in general are lenient and supportive, but every and any kind of community in the world has an insufferable minority. They shout and have alot of time on their hands, making it seem like you're dealing with a crowd, but that's never the case. Even if hundreds of people jump you, billions walk the Earth; it's not even a fraction of a percent you've displeased. But here's an actual answer to your question: In short:

Choose your fandoms wisely.

Don't overstay your welcome by sticking with one.

Don't join any online communities or participate in ongoing discourse. You're only here to draw.

Train yourself to understand that nothing in life fucking matters anyway. :(

In ｌｏｎｇ: I switch my focus alot. If I attract fans of a particular fandom, but the next thing I show off is less likely to tickle their interest, most will leave again, and it's kinda protecting me from growing an unsettlingly invested fanbase. Praise and attention never motivated me to stick around with one series for long, because I know what's waiting around the corner and don't want to be known as "the <insert this one piece of media here> artist", anyway. Look at my nonsense and go away, I just want to die alone! I'm also not active at any online forums and rarely look up and comment on other people's work. Spares you alot of "who asked you"-styled responses. I might've not when I was younger, but agree with the sentiment now. Unless you come across something criminal, why intrude on someone else's fun. Grumble about it on your account if you must, but don't take it to theirs.. even though it's valid to argue that posting something online is an automatic invitation for others to critique it, especially when you don't apply any form of visibility restrictions. I don't really care to discuss ideas with fellow fans. Weird claim, since my Tumblr exists, but I started this account to post Deviantart stuff. People showed up one day and started asking questions about the fandoms I've been involved in (or haven't), but it's not my hobby to get deep about a fictional property. Without getting instigated, anyway. I think about a question's subject as I read the words, do my best to dissect the whole thing and not throw around one-sentence replies, but seldom have the answer ready in my head. The3Eds was the only forum I enjoyed myself at, and the things I talked about over there barely had anything to do with Ed, Edd n Eddy. In the end, no one will be able to offer you one foolproof strategy on this matter. There've been many artists in the past who minded their business and were slaughtered by strangers. You need to be the kind of person who doesn't take online verbal abuse to bed. That's hard to do if you're looking for validation. You could avoid large fandoms that are known to attract the overly defensive and offensive, but if you have to tiptoe through life for others, what's even the point. Know that the internet is a luxury you don't have to participate in. Log off for a week or so if you're feeling down, or alternatively, delete all comment notifications indiscriminately as you keep on doing your thing.. unless you insist on deleting negative comments, but I don't think you should. Why stop people from embarrassing themselves in public. I don't think I've ever deleted comments, unless it's copy-pasted stuff/spam, because what often happens is that the poster regrets and deletes it themselves. I suppose that has value too. Allow that shit to stay alive, so the poster may one day return to it and potentially realise they're better than that. It's easier to keep your calm when you humanize your critics, if you can. The way a person expresses themselves may be trash, but what is it they're saying, and can the reason be empathized with? Sometimes you're dealing with someone who's obviously a child. I struggle to get angry at people under the age of 20. But really -and more importantly- no one should waste their time on fighting fellow fans when it concerns an issue that's objectively not important, you have better things to do. Try to close your eyes for it, it's seldom personal, even if the attacks try to be. People can pretend, but they don't know you and never will.

[thatiranianphantom]

ND Rewatch 110: The Mark of the Poisoner's Pearl

(As always, thanks to my rewatch partner @middleagedresidentofriverdale)

So, if Carson just told her the truth none of this would be happening, so I find my sympathy for him is quite limited.

I love that they appeared to use a promo shot for Kennedy's pic in the newspaper:

Also Ace's pic on the cake. (I MISSED YOU ACE)

George allowing one minute of party and not a second more. Queen.

Also George trying very hard to be nice.

THIS NACE MOMENT EXPLAIN YOURSELVES:

I do really want to see NancyDrewsNews and also FanFans. That would be a hoppin' profile.

Oh, Owen. My friend who I got on the ND train texted me "Owen has to be evil, right? Working for someone? There's no way he's THAT bland..."

I really want more info on why Ace, the chillest guy in the world, describes his house as a warzone.

Captain Thom meeting his future daughter in law!

Oh, a moment for the deaf representation: I will openly admit I am not part of the Deaf/HOH community and may be wrong. But also, it's pretty general knowledge that lip reading is ferociously inaccurate and difficult. Like the BEST lip-readers get maybe half of what is said and it's a huge effort. I would really just like to see Ace interpreting. But if they insist on lip reading, please slow down and enunciate! Also not sure how I feel on Captain Thom verbally speaking to Ace at the end. But to their credit, they got a lot better on this. I know they had someone from the local Jewish Deaf community consulting on the Seder episode. Also, this is truly not a shot at Alex Saxon, but the way Captain Thom signs is so fluid and detailed and the other signing looks like bare basics. Again, not an expert.

Love that Nancy rainchecks Owen but still takes the food. Get it, girl.

Ryan really starting to turn it around here

I really want to know if Nancy's car is just standard manual transmission or if there's specifics to driving a 50+ year old car. I can't do manual. I got 15 minutes into a lesson, cried and quit.

George and her crowbar will always be iconic.

Relatable, Nancy. I failed my driver's test 3 times. Only failing once is an achievement.

PLEASE give up this whole Nick/Nancy thing. At least Nick seems fully aware this is a friends thing.

Why are we leaving Nancy alone when she almost died. Someone sleep over, please!

Okay, onto what is hopefully the last Ace-less episode because I'm getting real tired of those. But thanks for all the Nace moments this episode.

[insomooniac]

my understanding of kinn anakinn theerapanyakul

it's no surprise a lot of people don't like kinn. he's what we would describe as a rich asshole. and while i personally think that the execution of how kinn is supposed to be portrayed could've been more, i sort of get what they were trying to show us.

anakinn is bad at being the mafia. why? simple. because he hates it. the only reason why he even does it is because of the manipulating hold his father has on him. he has nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. he can't go to tankhun because he doesn't know how to deal with his older brother's eclectic-ness and, i believe, was traumatized seeing tankhun become what he is now no matter how fabulous he is. he can't go to kimhan because of their strained relationship; his younger brother rarely even visiting the compound as he deals with his own traumas. he can't go to vegas because of the rivalry their fathers have raised them to have, and while he does have friends in tae and time, their backgrounds are too similar, rather than giving him an escape from the mafia life, they give him companionship and comfort instead.

this is when porsche comes in. he gets to experience and get time off from being the heir of his father's crime-dom. even with porsche unwillingly getting involved with the business, they get stranded in the forest which is the only time in a long time that he's been away, they sneak out on dates, they celebrate porsche's birthday, he got to meet new acquaintances through porsche; kinn finally found something else to do rather than look over files and worry when someone else plans to put a bullet in his head.

porsche is a huge reason why kinn is unliked by a lot, most of it due to episode four. i have rewatched that scene over and over again and listened to gaywatch's love scene breakdown on it, which i do recommend you go watch it, and i sort of see where kinn is coming from.

quick disclaimer: before you send me death threats, i am not condoning rape or any dubious consent. i understand what consensual non-consent is and this isn't it.

i do believe kinn did not mean any harm to porsche. that is the main take away here. he never means porsche any harm. even looking at his body language, the way his eyes look, his fist clenching, the constant breathing in to calm himself down, his main goal was just to get porsche clean, dressed, and off to bed because he doesn't know that porsche even remembers their kiss on the pier until porsche says so. the moment porsche absentmindedly admits he remembers the kiss after teasing kinn, kinn sees it as porsche also admitting to liking him.

should he still have done it? no. while porsche did start to like him and did want to sleep with him, i do agree that kinn shouldn't have made any moves onto porsche being out of his mind and having been drugged, but then again, being raised in the environment he is in, i can't be surprised that he did what he did.

another reason to why kinn is heavily disliked is his lack of communication with porsche, which is the part that i feel is so overlooked by so many viewers. when tawan returns, kinn doesn't even attempt to tell porsche his plans before or after imprisoning him. that part is what is overlooked. again, kinn means well, he doesn't mean porsche any harm, but he doesn't execute well. why? because that's what his dad does, that is what he was taught to do. make decisions without consulting anyone and without anyone questioning why you've made that decision.

that leads me to contrast and compare him and vegas. in psychology, we are taught of the stereotypes of the different forms of abuse, and it is prominent in how his and vegas's abuse are portrayed in the series.

while kinn and vegas are both victims of their fathers' abuse, their forms are different. with vegas, khan is verbally and physically violent. vegas gets slapped, punched, gets told he's worthless, and isn't deserving of being khan's son. with kinn, korn doesn't beat him up, instead is verbally and emotionally manipulative. in episode 5, kinn is called to join his father in a game of chess in which korn reminds kinn of what happens when he starts to trust people easily and lose sight of what is important, casually saying, "like what happened before" which is a reference to tawan's betrayal. he disregards kinn's ideas and opinions, though kinn was right when he said that these things are happening to porche because he got involved with their family.

since kinn wants to be a good son, what does he do? he punishes porsche to show his father that he is still in control and that he does not show any favoritism from his bodyguards even though korn never explicitly said to punish porsche, also showing how much of a hold he has over kinn and if questioned, he can deny ever planting that idea onto kinn because he never actually said it.

so, again, while i do believe they could've done more in different parts in the series, whether it was intentional or not, shining more light on vegas's pain from his father in contrast to kinn's turned out to be perfect because that is how it usually is with physical abuse versus emotional abuse.

vegas' trauma is obvious because it's corporeal, kinn's gets overlooked because he gets manipulated by words. unlike kinn and his brothers, vegas and macau are close because of the corporeal abuse from their father, and this is probably what has made them closer as vegas does khan's bidding to protect macau, whereas kinn and his brothers only drift apart because of their father's words.

while khun is the oldest, he is mostly childlike since he was so young when he was kidnapped, and while also wisest of the three, attached to their father as he was the first victim of korn's manipulation before he was unfit to be the heir. kinn is the middle child and carries all of what was supposed to be his older brother's responsibility, becoming the main target of manipulation, and isolated from most kinds of relationships by his father. kim is the youngest and probably the one who has seen what has become of his older brothers and resents their father for what he has turned them into, which made him decide to leave.

khun isolates himself with his bodyguards to watch dramas, kinn isolates himself from everyone and everything to make their father proud, and kim isolates himself from their home because he believes that to truly know what their father has done, he has to see the bigger picture from the outside looking in.

in comparison, vegas and kinn are similar in a way. khan is violent towards vegas therefore vegas's go-to approach is violence. korn is manipulative towards kinn therefore kinn is more accustomed to manipulating others.

my understanding of kinn is that he is a person with a lot of trauma & pain (from his mother passing away, tawan's betrayal, and his little brother leaving, not being able to pursue his passion) but he has yet to discover the present trauma that he is experiencing, which is his father. i do believe that once kinn eventually realizes and accepts that what korn does is not out of love but out of greed, it's going to be a completely different anakinn that deserves his character arc to be shown, and it's just a shame that we will never get to see it because the possibilities are endless. imagine him and vegas working together, that is my biggest wish (them heading the theerapanyakul empire? omg), him and his brothers finally being brothers again, him learning to be a little brother to khun and an older brother to kim, and most importantly, him using his father's tactics against him. i believe the cruelest way to defeat korn is for his heir to use his own chess moves against him while working together with the son of his rival.

in conclusion, kinn is the product of his father's emotional manipulation--he is the perfect puppet. you can hate kinn all you want, i understand why you do. i just hope people understand where he is coming from rather than automatically blaming him for everything wrong that happened.

-------------(✿◕‿◕✿)

notes:

i wrote this in the comments but i find it too funny. kinn makes me want to grab him by his hair & smash his head, repeatedly, against concrete, but also wrap him in bubble wrap & kiss his forehead goodnight :((

@kinyeee made an excellent point (thank u for ur input btw) that vegas's verbal abuse from khan wasn't just how "he was not worthy of being his son" but also emotional manipulation. that is how vegas learned & used it to manipulate tawan, porsche, and all (if i'm not mistaken) of kinn's previous lovers (i think that's in the novel? idk. i refuse to read the novels). that also adds to my point of the contrast and similarities that both of them have. it makes me wonder how powerful they could truly be if korn & khan just worked together. they really fumbled.

some of kinn's wrongdoings are his own. episode 4? naur. i want to say this again. i can see his point of view but i am not condoning it. other shit he's done, i can "forgive" to some extent. episode 4? hell no. while the apology in episode 6 with him & porsche in the ravine reflects how morally grey he is & how morally grey porsche was becoming. when that episode was released, i needed more than that...which we will never get to see now that kinnporsche is over. and, again, disliking kinn is up to you. i understand & support that. how i feel about kinn is how i feel about vegas. that's the main reason why i wrote this highlighting some of their contrasts and comparison.

another great point is that the viewers weren't meant to forgive kinn, that's something only porsche was to do, and i think it adds to the morally grey aspect of it all, and that kinn (vegas, kim, pete, etc.) isn't someone we should expect to even have "perfect" morals. even if kinn & vegas were to settle their differences, it doesn't change the fact that they are still mafias.

[discordiansamba]

spitballing some more about the Mer AU because I can. it's my blog and I make the rules.

I like to imagine that before Hunk and Lance can even like, consistently communicate with each other, they've already established a tradition I would like to call 'bring the other the coolest thing they can find and show them off'. Show and tell but it's a human and a merman.

Hunk introduces Lance to human cuisine. Lance brings Hunk fish in return, which Hunk brings to his parents. He got them from his friend Lance! :)

Hunk's mom, unsuspecting: Oh, Hunk must have befriended a fisherman's son.

The town of Plaht City is actually relatively close knit, so when Keith goes missing after his father's death, everyone goes looking for him. No one thinks to look in the ocean.

Heath was originally from out of town. He's a marine researcher who lives on a remote piece of property on the beach, complete with a recovery pool for injured marine life housed in a shack he built on the water. The townsfolk hear rumors that he has a partner, but no one ever meets her. One day he comes into town with a son.

I think Mer actually lay like. the mer equivalent of fish eggs but they can also get pregnant in the human sense in their human forms. This means every other Mer but Keith was hatched from a fish egg (and also probably part of the reason why Keith prefers the surface).

When Keith abruptly turns back up again after going missing for a year and a half, it's huge news at the time but things have calmed down now. He's taken in by Shiro's parents after some debate over who should look after him.

When Shiro's parents die, Keith just sort of assumes he'll be on his own from now. Shiro catches him halfway out the window with a bag of his stuff and has to explicitly tell him he can stay before he gets the message.

Keith just sort of aimlessly drifts though life. He's not really sure what he wants, or even sometimes where he belongs. He's never met another half-Mer, or even any other Galra Mers. All the Mers in Plaht City are Altean Mers.

Lotor is a highly successful businessman who invests a lot of his money into the town's infrastructure. He's generally well liked, except by Keith, who can't stand his face. The feeling is mutual.

Even in human form, Keith's lung capacity is well above average. He can open his eyes underwater with no ill effects.

Allura is eager to befriend Keith, despite his strange, surface-dwelling ways. Lance is also not totally hiding from Allura because he knows if she seems him and Hunk hanging out together, she'll put two and two together and realize that Hunk knows what he is and then he'll get in trouble.

Romelle and Allura are childhood friends. She's heard her talk on a few occasions about the strange mute Galra Mer she befriend that she calls 'Red', but she doesn't have any reason to connect him to Keith.

Mers can send and receive thoughts in human form as well... except for Keith of course, who can't even receive thoughts in human form. Lance thinks he's just being rude, Allura thinks he just prefers verbal communication. Only Coran has correctly deduced the truth.

(Shiro can send and receive thoughts just fine once he's freed from Haggar's control, which is... an adjustment for him.)

Keith's the only Mer who knows how to swim as a human. If you toss Lance into a pool and tell him to swim, he's just gonna drown. Keith thinks this is incredibly funny.