#and large...there's reports that they're 'in good health' but very few reports of them being 'merry'

[lavellenchanted]

I love these snippets so much! If you're not tired of writing about them, what about Japril + 💗? :)

💗 Slow Kiss

The Fox Foundation Charity Galas were fun . . . the first two or three times April attended one. It had been a novelty then, getting to pick out a fancy dress to wear, guessing what sort of canapes would be served or who might be attendance.

It didn't take long though, for the novelty to wear off.

Sure, there's still the excitement of seeing some of the most pre-eminent surgeons in the country (and occasionally even the world) in attendance, but April rarely has the chance to pick their brains or talk to them about their latest achievements the way she would like to. Most of the evening is spent schmoozing the rich potential donors that the Foundation would like to make actual donors and they're very often more pompous than interesting. Not to mention poor dancers. Usually by the time the galas end, April's cheeks are aching with all the smiling, her throat's hoarse from talking up the foundation and her feet hurt from being in heels too long.

If getting those donations wasn't so crucial to the incredible work the Foundation was doing, she would skip them in favour of staying at home with a blanket and a good book. But they are crucial, and she can't leave Jackson to take it all on by himself. Unfortunately his face isn't enough to sway every donor, no matter how pretty it is.

She has, at least, managed to grab a few moments for herself tonight. The ballroom they've hired this year has several alcoves dotted along the walls that are very conveniently hidden from view by large, decorative potted plants and April's managed to slip into one so she can slip her shoes off for a few minutes. The cold marble of the floor is lovely against her warm, abused feet and she lets her head fall back against the wall and closes her eyes.

"If you think you're getting out of cozying up to Mrs Walker by hiding back here, you are wrong."

April jumps in surprise and opens her eyes to see Jackson watching her in amusement from the other side of plant.

"Shhh! Get back here or they'll see." Leaning out, she grabs his arm impatient and pulls him into the alcove with her. "I just needed a break, that's all."

"Really?" Jackson lifts an eyebrow. "So I don't have to remind you that I won the coin toss fair and square?"

They always toss a coin to see who will have to talk with Mrs Walker - a very wealthy old lady in her eighties who won't let anyone else get a word in edgewise and has an unfortunate case of bad breath to boot. Whoever goes to try and charm a little more cash out of her inevitably has to spend an hour listening to rambling on about how different the city is now to when she was a girl and an excruciatingly detailed report of her cat's health.

April pulls a face. "No, I will go and talk her. Just . . . not now."

Jackson laughs and looks around at her hiding spot. "I never realised you could even get back here. I just saw you disappear behind the plant. I thought maybe you'd found a hidden passage or something."

"I wish," she sighs, and he smiles softly at her and she knows he knows she's thinking about her childhood dream of being Nancy Drew (April can't wait until Harriet's old enough to start reading them). "But it's still fun. Makes me think of old movies or books where they're spying on people, or shady deals are happening. We could be getting up to anything back here."

"Anything?" Jackson repeats suggestively and April feels herself flushing.

"You know what I mean."

He just steps closer, so that he's leaning over her and she has to lean right back into the wall to look up at him; suddenly the alcove feels much smaller and warmer than it did a moment ago, but April can't say she minds, not when Jackson's eyes are darkening in that tell-tale way and trailing slowly down her body, making her heart race.

"Maybe, but I can think of much better things to do back here than spy on someone else." One of his hands comes up curl around the back of her neck, his thumb lightly stroking over her cheek. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?"

"No, I don't think so," April point-blank lies, because he told her she looked gorgeous before they even left home. She'd been very pleased; tonight's the first time she's worn this dress, a strapless number of dark green silk that's fitted to her hips and then falls in a loose skirt to the floor with a slit up to her knee. And she's been hoping that Jackson will enjoy taking it off her when they get home.

He grins and bends down closer, so his nose grazes hers and his lips are so close she can feel the warmth of his breath as he whispers, "You are very, very beautiful."

"You think so?"

She brings her hands up to his hips, finding the belt loops on his pants and using them to pull him even closer.

"I do."

He closes the space between their lips bit by bit, pulling back teasingly every time she pushes herself upwards to try and speed things along, chuckling when she actually makes a noise of frustation.

"So impatient," he murmurs, and then finally kisses her.

With the hand on her neck he tilts her head to find the deepest angle possible, moving his mouth against hers in one long, steady stroke. His tongue sweeps out over hers, sure and purposeful, and he captures her bottom lip his teeth, and it's a good thing April's already backed up against a wall because already her knees feel weak and she's completely breathless.

He kisses her like they're not hiding behind a plant at his Foundation's biggest event of the year, but like they're at home and he has all the time in the world to kiss her thoroughly, until her body's on fire and she's desperate to feel his skin against hers.

Maybe he does take all the time in the world; she's not sure how long he kisses her for before he finally pulls back, leaving her panting and just a little dizzy.

He looks out of breath himself, his pupils wide and his chest heaving as he looks down at her.

"How long do you think we can stay back here before they notice we're gone?" he asks.

"I don't know," April replies, "But I'm up for finding out if you are. If you don't mind me taking a little longer to get round to talking to Mrs Walker."

"She can wait," Jackson says decisively, and bends down to kiss her again.

[from-ultra-space]

Alola! Nanago here. I thought exchanging data through your inbox like this would be the most convenient way. Not surprised that rotumblr's servers are enough of a buggy mess to host multiverse communication lmao. Anyway, data! Here is what I and many of my coworkers research at Heahea’s lab:

Ultra Wormholes (UWs) were the first phenomenon that we had data on- and we can thank one Professor Mohn for his establishing research, as little as there was. Though this is a tad irrelevant, seeing as he no longer has an interest in studying the phenomenon with our team to pursue other goals in pokemon care. Good for him!

Anyway,

We know that UWs can open randomly in any point in space and time, which makes them difficult to predict when or where they will appear. This is one of the things we are currently researching: how to predict them. This is so that we can safely evacuate any people in the immediate area of the wormhole opening, so they are not exposed to both the danger of Ultra radiation (U-radiation) and the danger of Ultra beasts (UBs).

I can move on to U-Radition! This is what we currently know the most about... or more specifically, what we have the most data on. It's more commonly known as Z-Energy, but when we're talking about the negative effects it has on human health (and less so the bizarre effects on pokémon health), we refer to it in those papers as U-Radiation. It's different from ARS (Acute Raditon Syndrome) specifically because it impacts humans and pokémon so differently, and because it doesn't cause a complete degradation in the body's cells.

For humans, being exposed to too much U-Radition by either being in direct contact with an Ultra Beast, or by traveling through an Ultra Wormhole without any gear to safely absorb the large amount of energy, the symptoms are typically confusion, mood-swings, irrability, a loss consciousness- or, in more severe cases of exposure, ranging degrees of amnesia. We can conclude it affects the mental health of a person significantly more than their physical health compared to how typical radiation poisoning would.

Pokémon, however, have a very different reaction to U-Radition! We usually just call it Z-Energy when talking about this phenomenon in reference to pokémon.

For reference, there are several living pokemon that are protected under Alolan law as totem pokémon. These pokémon at one point in Alola's past were exposed to immense amounts of Z-Energy. We aren't sure if they were regular pokémon in our world that were exposed to an Ultra Wormhole, or whether they were pokémon from another point in spacetime that fell in an Ultra Wormhole to ours.

Now, wild pokémon can come through these wormholes, which causes them to have an increased mass and volume (BIG BOY 👏), along with an increased power when they are agitated or excited- battle is one of the easiest ways to see this part if the phenomenon. I have a post on my blog about a "totem" Quagsire we got the opportunity to get data on in the past months! :]

Now, the last thing- which we know the least about, is the Ultra Beasts. They're similar to pokémon in the way that they have types, can use moves that other pokémon can. However, catching them is nigh impossible without a specially developed pokéball, and keeping one is a massive test of how much time, patience, space, and resources a person might have. Yet, due to how fundamentally different they are physically on a different level than pokémon, a special pokéball had to be made with the help of the Aether Foundation to catch any invasive UBs.

That is about everything, summarized! If you ever want more specific info, or care to exchange your own, you're welcome to my own inbox. :]

@ultra-analyst-nanago

This was very interesting, really. Eventually I may find the time to put together a few of my and the labs reports for you to look into but for now I will relegate myself to comparing my knowledge to yours.

Starting with the Ultra Wormholes, there is immediately a noticeable difference in our approach to the subject. I have read a few of the original reports from the lab and the Aether Foundation regarding their initial findings into this phenomenon and it appears you share a similar sentiment to them. The URS has been traveling investigating and utilizing Ultra Wormholes for inter-dimensional travel for quite a long time and although there is still a lot we do not know about these wormholes, the collaboration between Humans and the URS has allowed us to create a method of predicting wormholes with a fair amount of timing and accuracy. This is of course still a work in progress but it has been immensely helpful in our research efforts and protecting of the people.

Ultra-Radiation, Zenith Power, or Ultra Energy (as I prefer to refer to it, there are a few other things it can be called as well) is a very fascinating thing. Not fully understood, but comparable in some manner to Infinity Energy and Aura (also not well understood), it does indeed have effects on the flora, fauna and objects it comes into contact with. Not only does it have a major impact on the stability and creation of Ultra Wormholes, it has very strange and unique properties when it comes into contact with Infinity Energy. There is so much to explain here that, even as a researcher in the subject myself, I do not understand. I personally have a multitude of experience with the energy, with being able to see it, having close contact with Ultra Beasts and Wormholes, and having been subject to high amounts of it both with and without protective gear and training (although that is only a theory of what happened to my memory). Jania Halion and Pikeo Nordica, two members of the URS, are currently on a mission to study the far reaches of explored Ultra Space as well as to further investigate the effects of long-term exposure to Ultra Space. I do not know much of their mission but I will be sure to read their reports when they next come in.

Ultra Beasts are truly interesting life forms, as are pokemon. I do not technically keep any Ultra Beasts with me (for a multitude of reasons, many being personal) but my partner, Cassius, does have a Naganadel named Stinger. I know quite a bit about UB behavior from my field work and personal studies and should you like to learn about some of the main differences I have gathered [here] is a post I made for someone asking a question about it (and a few other questions I tried to answer).

This was a very intriguing conversation and I certainly learned a few things. Thank you for your time in putting together information like this and good luck with your studies. Perhaps one of these days I will have a more comprehensive list with more accurate information on these subject to share with you.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon" on YouTube

We're going to ask several of our son's ideas and one of them is The preserve it's a hotel that has animals that are on the grounds and you're separated from them by serious barriers and it's a way to view them and their the ancient ones mostly and we're going to see what their attitude is about it and learn if they like it or not NFL survive that way by being in captivity but in a really nice setting in a large amount of area I've done it before and they don't seem to mind but lately they've been giving signals they do so another option would be to hand to plan it to them but they'll all be dead cuz they'll kill each other. The song that ended but ended well it's not usually the case but with exception of Jason being stuck inside Sarah everything else just seems to turn out okay I went to Sarah's room and somehow I was transferred into Trump and we think it's during The sopranos and that's coming out the next couple days when he gets washed ashore they find him in Tony finds them and puts the baby in which happens is a stillbirth because bja kind of beats her up and they pull them out he's not really baby but okay and just put into Trump why is Jason and the sago the Terminator begins and Jason supposedly is the guy working with Sarah Connor but Sarah Connor is not one of Jason's plan she's really a trumpster and the guy with her is a trumpster it's a son of Dan AKA Dave. And they really mix it up with them and they're out there now and Arizona is near four points it's a very ironic place because some real Old Stone ships there and honey Tommy F says he doesn't know about them but they're researching him while they're there this is two days ago and it's catching up to current times but all that starts going Monday tomorrow when I send calls in the prescription

Thor Freya

Have a lot riding on trying to make it here and say only have my my one life here and everybody's threatening me really badly they're probably going to keep doing it and I know they do there's a a strange twinge to it and kind of like we were doing it all the time because of this and I'm like no you're telling you because he's having to do it and they start getting mad they're very small and they're going to be pushed out very soon because of the mutations begin the ships are pulled out in New Jersey because of it then cesario begins and that is all kicked off very shortly by The Terminator movie. The terminators of machine it's good to check but I'm pretty sure that's what it is and there's a lot of them. These girls are in that prison and they're freed by these guys from Trump's clan and they start working together finally when it almost gone and they start fighting terminators too

You got some lessons coming up for people cuz they're very mean to our son but right now they're having a lot of emotional problems they can't believe it's real he's been fighting kind of himself trying to move them around they lost a lot of people because of it and Trump tried to fight him and lost and the sun will save you in there but he couldn't how could you.

It does kick off the series it's supposed to get a radiated and they trying to aliens which starts listen counters and other things in a dumping with all the stuff spice and they turn into aliens and they're not even possessed and then they go up to New Jersey. Alien stuff happens after and that's because of Life the movie and that happens after I think cloud city goes up to no it's really Tomorrowland it looks like it goes up to Saturn. And they get expelled after cesario it's coming pretty quick in the next few days

Zues Hera

Hey it's very nerve-wracking that we have reports that it works but it works on the health insurance companies in hospitals I would really needed this and it cleans out the rest of the idiots that stay behind but still like a half million octillion and they're in all these jobs threatening the s*** out of people like hospitals ambulances fire departments it's really the first it's the last really work though it's a lot of work keeping those keeping people safe for those idiots

Thor Freya

He's got to get some rest there's a huge evacuation on still in the Midwest and upper Midwest we put in huge alerts out because they're trying to kidnap people for mental illness and health and covid and more I've only after those groups and we're now leaving him someone tries to grab you from those groups call us our way immediately if they won't go away call the police as soon as you need to

Olympus

[fideidefenswhore]

“In July, the ‘most Serene Queen of England’ received, along with Henry wedding congratulations from the Venetian Doge, who informed her she would be visited by the ambassador Zucato to deliver this same message in person. Although Zucato was carefully instructed as to how he was to present himself at the court of Henry VIII, there is no record of Jane having an audience with him. 

In essence, any desired intervention into politics by the Queen or her ambitious family, to assert herself in any political role was denied her by the king who seems consistently to have ‘boxed’ her into a very passive, ‘silent partnership’. The ultimate definition or image of Jane’s limitations came in the form of threat from Henry in October 1536:

During the rebellion of the northern Counties, the Pilgrimage of Grace, Jane is reputed to have begged her husband to restore the abbeys under suppression for she “...said to the king that perhaps God had permitted rebellion for ruining so many churches, to which he replied by telling her to attend to other things, reminding her [of] the last queen....”

She had indeed watched and been part of the process that judicially murdered Anne Boleyn for the satisfaction of the king; Jane Seymour knew full well that Henry was very capable of removing her should she give him cause to do so. There is reason to wonder how this moment became public knowledge, [however], if one reviews the [evidence], Jane had for five months made repeated attempts to interfere [in political concerns] and was consistently placed into another role by [Henry VIII]. After five months Henry himself determined the end of her attempts by pointedly reminding her where own position originated; after October 1536, Jane Seymour did indeed tend to other things and limited her exercise of authority to the female realm of the Queen’s chambers.

For her party at court Jane Seymour was probably not the diplomatic success they had hoped for: the king withheld that power from the Seymour faction. They rose in rank and favor without her help although she was possibly, until she bore the redemption of a male heir, a disappointment to them politically.”

Jane, The Quene (Pamela M. Gross)  

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

I only just found out (looking for old photos and articles) that filming the last season of TNS had to be postponed because Rik had broken his shoulder falling down the stairs at his house - I’d never heard of him having any other accidents besides the horrible 4-wheeler one! And I’m like: !!!!! Were there any other mishaps that you know about? Poor bby Rik! 🥺

I have more info about this!

It was actually before the filming of series 3, and ended up being a good thing for the show. 😂 On 22nd November 1990, after eleven terrible years in office, Margaret Thatcher resigned as PM after being stabbed in the back by her own party - this is what the Tories do to their own once weakness or opportunity is spotted, they're ruthless. This was all well and good for humankind as a whole... but it did sort of bugger up series 3 of The New Statesman, which was in pre-production.

Marks and Gran had already written a couple of scripts, but they were scripts where Thatcher was PM. Now she wasn't and their scripts were already out of date! So, what to do? What to do?

Luckily, their leading actor Rik Mayall solved this problem for them by very selflessly, drunkenly breaking his shoulder after falling down the stairs while celebrating Thatcher's resignation. 😂 This put him out of action for a bit, acting wise, meaning they had more time to rewrite the scripts.

It is true that Rik seemed to get injured - or very nearly injured, in some cases - a lot. This somehow doesn't surprise me at all 😂 but poor Rik. The other instances that spring to mind include the time he and Ade ended up in hospital after filming an episode of Bottom/performing a live show (can't remember which). Rik also said the first time they performed An Arse Oddity - which was Rik's first live performance onstage after his quadbike accident - during one of their fight scenes Ade accidentally whacked him with a frying pan and split his forehead open. Rik seemed to think this was very funny. 😂 I've also heard reports that after filming a particularly tricky scene in Guest House Paradiso, Rik managed to knock himself out by hitting his head on something.

As for near misses: quite a few in The Young Ones, because health and safety was basically nonexistent. 😂 There's the exploding oven we see in Oil, where the footage had to be slowed down to cope with the very large - unexpectedly large - explosion. We see Rick leaping away in shock and can hear someone in the audience scream - the shocked expression on his face is actually just Rik reacting, because the explosion was NOT meant to be that big! He might actually have gotten injured by that one, but not too seriously I hope. It happened because the team in charge of the explosives put them in, had lunch, forgot they'd put them in, so put more in. Basically, double the blast power! The other verified near miss from TYO I know about is from Flood. Alexei Sayle mentioned in How The Young Ones Changed Comedy that Rik got a little too close to the bedroom door while he was attacking it with the axe, and there's actually one swing where he very nearly got Rik. I've heard other stories from the set of TYO involving Rik and injuries - including one about him getting knocked out in Sick and having very temporary amnesia, but I really can't verify that because I've only seen it mentioned once in an old Tumblr post.

And as for TNS. WELL. In the last scene of Piers of the Realm (aka the last scene of series 2), Alan B'Stard is gunned down in broad daylight. Rik performed this stunt himself and was reassured it was perfectly safe. That turned out not to be the case. One of the shots bounced off the windscreen of the car and got dangerously close to hitting him in the eye and blinding him. Fun!

Those are all the Rik incidents that spring to mind at the moment, although there are definitely more. 😂 Thanks for the ask.

[evilvarric666-archive]

So what’s Lins STORY 👀 not the milquetoast backstory inquisition gave everyone but like her Story.

AH OKAY so I'm still working on it and fleshing out the details but here's what I got so far.

Despite what the game seems to want me to say, this is not her first time away from the clan. She spends a lot of time away from the clan and around humans, actually, it's kind of her job. She's who goes out into town to meet with traders when the clan needs something that it can't get on it's own, chats up local farmers to see if they're alright, etc. She's the go-between for the clan and the rest of the world, which is how she ended up at the Conclave (her idea, btw, not the Keeper's.)

The way that she got here kind of sucks though, unfortunately. Her mom died when she was seventeen of a health complication, and then her dad ended up dying a few years later in an accident. She was really tight with her parents and took her dad's death in particular very hard. She started going out on these long hunts all by herself, like days at a time, without telling anyone where she was going, which was worrisome but no one really felt like they could say anything to her about it because you know, Her Dad Just Died, and surely this is something she'll get over soon? But then it went on longer than everyone thought it was going to, and the Keeper had to get involved and go like, okay, so what is it? What do you need? Can you not be around us right now or are you just needing to keep yourself busy? and Lin was like "yes." so the Keeper just started giving her little jobs that would also, conveniently, take her away from the camp for periods of time, allowing her to be alone while also ensuring that she'd have to check in semi-regularly and that Someone would know where she was and when she was supposed to be back.

At some point one of those jobs became escorting Neva to Starkhaven. Sometimes things were needed from the market there and it made sense to send Neva because she was raised first in an alienage and then a circle and therefore had spent a lot more time around shemlen than the rest of them, but because she's a mage it made her and everyone else nervous for her to be out alone. So someone always had to go with her, and Lin'valath ended up consistently being that someone, because her and Neva really got along and also because Lin was... really good at it? Like the talking to strangers, bartering, keeping a low profile, being just intimidating enough that you don't get robbed but also not so much that you get in trouble, she was good at it and, being a naturally curious and adventurous person, she liked it.

Eventually Neva started staying home because even with escort, being away from the clan was still pretty awful on her nerves, and it was just Lin who went out, and she started doing it more and more often, even despite the fact that she was no longer in a place emotionally where she felt the need to isolate herself from everyone else. I'd say she spends about half the year living with the clan and half the year outside of it? which works out well for everyone I think. Any longer away and she gets homesick/lonely, and if she spends too much time with the clan she gets bored, and having someone who's willing to go out and find out what's new in the outside world and then report back meant that clan Lavellan was way ahead of it with the mage-templar war, and was able to make decisions that kept them and their mages largely outside of the reach of the rogue templars (there was one incident, but the hunters were able to, ah, handle it. Clan Lavellan (un)fortunately has a decent amount of experience with fending off attacks from outsiders. The last attack before the war started was from bandits trying to make a quick buck, and is how Lin got a lot of her facial scarring. (The rest of it was from a bear she went on a hunt with several older hunters for when she was a teen.))

Oh and to be clear when I said that going to the Conclave was her idea and not the Keeper's I mean that she literally didn't even, consult her or anyone else about it. She just heard about what was going on and made a detour on what was supposed to be her journey home because she was curious and, wanted to avoid Neva for a little while (they were fighting when she left). The Keeper was not happy when she found out about this.

Hm. That's all I've really got for now. Some assorted lore: She once got in a fight with a farmer who accused her of stealing from him (she didn't), ended up getting her nose broken, didn't go straight home and get it fixed so it didn't heal right and is still crooked (Neva is still mad at her about this). She became a hunter because her dad was one, he's who taught her how to track and use a bow. She never really made any friends outside of the clan, always kind of kept it professional when she was talking with outsiders, so she does have some weird gaps in her social skills which make it hard for her to navigate the various levels of intimacy between "I am trading currency for goods and services" and "I've known you my entire life you held me as a baby".

[howtodisassembleyourdeviant]

[ Comfort ] "For one muse (reader) to stay the night with the other (Connor) after a hard day." But... It's BEFORE they're a couple. You know, for romantic tension 👀

I hope you enjoy this one!

You knew you should have just stayed in bed today.

Nothing had gone right, between stubbing your toe this morning, wearing your coffee, accidentally breaking your datapad, and your computer crashing, deleting the paperwork you had been working on for over an hour, you should have known that it was going to get worse.

"Shit! Grab him!" You hear a voice yell as you walk out of your office. Turning towards the sound, a handcuffed man came barreling towards you, shoving you to the ground. Without thinking, you grabbed his leg, making him fall. Trying to get out of your grasp, he kicked at you, a particularly hard blow to your shoulder making you shout.

Connor, having just come back from lunch with Hank, noticed the commotion. Moving to get a better look, he heard you cry out. His mind went blank, replaced with a blinding rage. The android grabbed the man, easily picking him up from the ground and slamming him into the nearest wall. How dare this filth hurt his... Hurt Y/n?

"I would highly advise you to go to your cell quietly, " the RK800 spoke in a terrifyingly calm voice, "or I will have to use force, and you wouldn't want that, would you?"

The man, clearly scared, only nodded. Officer Miller came up beside Connor, taking hold of the suspect, but he didn't let go immediately. It wasn't until he heard your whimper in the distance that he backed off. In the commotion, you snuck back into your office and closed the door. Connor knocked, but you didn't answer. Worried you might be hurt, he slowly opened the door. You weren't sitting at your desk. He glanced around, until he heard your sniffling, the sound causing a pain to bloom in his chest. Moving to the other side of your desk, he crouches down, finding you curled up, rubbing your shoulder. For a brief second, he could see the large tears rolling down your cheeks before you turned away.

"I'm fine, it just hurt. Thanks for the help. You can go now, " you didn't want him to see you like this, so gross and pathetic. That would just be the topping on your shitshow of a day, to have your crush disgusted by you.

Connor didn't see it that way. He sees that you are hurt, and it's causing him great distress. He doesn't want you to simply dismiss him. You are his... friend. He wants to help, so why won't you let him?

"I'm not going anywhere until I'm sure you're alright, " he spoke quietly. You turned at that, and something about the sincerity in his eyes and the gentleness of his voice cracked your resolve. You propel yourself into him, his arms instantly wrapping around you, pulling you close as you sobbed against his jacket.

Connor wishes you could remain here, in his arms, forever. Here, where he would do everything in his power to keep you safe and happy. He will settle with being your choice of comfort, stroking your back, trying to be soothing. It must be working as you were starting to calm down.

You pulled back, feeling embarrassed, rubbing at your cheeks.

"Sorry. It's just been a terrible day. I'm gonna go wash my face, " you quickly stood, just wanting to escape the situation, but Connor had other plans. He was much faster than you, standing and rounding the desk so he would block your exit.

"Wait. I would like to check your shoulder, " he stated. Your stress was still too high for his liking and he can't leave you like this.

If your cheeks weren't already flushed, you were certain you'd be a tomato now. The shirt you were wearing had a narrow neckline, and you didn't have a shirt underneath.

"It's fine, really, " you tried to reassure by moving your arm, but it did hurt like a bitch and Connor noticed immediately.

"Please, stop lying to me. I just want to help. We are friends, aren't we?" He knew how to make you cave, giving you the 'puppy-dog eyes'.

While the word "friends" bothered you, reminded you that was all he saw you as, you couldn't say "no" to that face. Hesitantly, you worked your arm out of the sleeve and pulled the shirt up.

Connor was sure he started malfunctioning. He was frozen to the spot, watching with rapt attention as it was brought over your body, inch by inch. The only thing that snapped him out of it was the red and purple splotches on your shoulder. He could see the individual marks left by the tread of the man's boot. The bones weren't broken, but it was swollen and likely to be very painful. The sight of it made his anger flare again, both towards the man who caused you harm and to himself, for being unable to protect you. Connor carefully scanned the wound, adding assaulting an officer onto the man's file.

"We should put ice on this, to decrease the swelling, " he speaks. You slip your arm back into the sleeve with a wince and quickly pull your shirt down.

"It's fine. I just want to get through the rest of this day, " you don't want to be fighting with an ice pack while trying to do your job. Giving a wary smile, you move around him and make your way to the restroom.

Connor hates to see you like this, pretending nothing is wrong. Even more so when you neglect your health. He knows better than to try and force you to use an ice pack, you'll just take it off the moment he leaves you alone. He makes his way to Hank's desk.

"Lieutenant, can I ask you a personal question?" Hank looks from his computer screen to Connor.

"Shoot."

"It's about Y/n, " Connor started but paused when the older man leaned back in his chair with a smirk. Of course, he knew how Connor felt. He knew before the android did, and Hank found it to be the perfect way to screw with his boy. Connor sighed. Helping you was more important than the minor embarrassment he will have to endure. "Her stress level is very high today, yet she's trying to play off that everything is fine, even ignoring her injury. I just want to help, but I don't know how." Hank contemplated his words for a moment.

"That is a tough one. She's been puttin' in a lot of hours lately. Maybe try takin' 'er mind off things. You two like watchin' those old movies, why not have a movie night?"

That sounded like a good idea. It had been a while since they had done so, and you do love showing him movies you think he'd like.

"I think that could work, " Connor agrees.

"If not, I'm sure you can come up with some other way of takin' 'er mind off things, " Hank insinuated, confusing the android before it clicked, cheeks flushing a light blue.

"I'll be back in seven minutes, " Connor deadpanned, getting up from Hank's desk and heading to the front door.

You made it back to your desk, cheeks still a little flushed, despite splashing your face with cold water. Your shoulder was throbbing at this point, radiating throughout your entire arm. There should be some ibuprofen in your drawer, but, of course, the bottle was empty. You were so done with this day. As soon as you finished re-filling out your reports, you were going home. If they need you, they can call.

Just as you started back on your last report, a knock came from your door.

"Come in."

Connor opened the door, holding a grocery bag. He sets it on your desk and begins pulling them out one by one. The first one was a medicated adhesive pad, followed by a bottle of pain-relievers. He then pulled out your favorite drink and chocolate. The thoughtfulness of it was enough to make you start tearing up again.

"I care too much about you to allow you to continue to neglect your wellbeing, " he opens the bottle of ibuprofen for you, handing you the pills and watching you take it before handing you your drink. Afterward, he grabs the medicated pads and takes one out, "would you mind showing me your shoulder again?" Once again, you blushed.

"That's okay, I can do it, " you said a little too loudly. Seeing you without a shirt on once today is embarrassing enough.

Connor was a little disappointed, but he supposes he was being a little self-indulgent, even if he really did only want to help you. He laid the pad down and smiled.

"I also wanted to ask if you would like to come to my apartment for a movie night, " you looked hesitant, "we can order whatever you want, and I stocked up on snacks for such an occasion, " he added quickly. He's never felt so desperate for anything, refusing to fail his mission to keep you happy.

"Um, okay... Sure! That actually sounds like fun, " the more you thought about it, the better it sounded than lying in bed by yourself until you eventually cry yourself to sleep.

The RK800 was delighted, "Y-yes, great! I'll be back in half an hour, " he stuttered, suddenly a little anxious. It had been so long since you had come over, he had forgotten how nervous he gets when you do. He left, a goofy smile on his face as he counted down the seconds until he can be with you once more.

...............

Connor has only had his own apartment for a few months, wanting a sense of independence. In spite of this, he still spends most of his time at Hank's, even staying over on his couch from time to time. As much as he values his freedom, he doesn't care much to be alone.

Right now, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else, watching you laugh at the movie playing. Connor doesn't even know what the plot of the movie was, content watching you. Your stress level had been dropping since he guided you out of the department.

Something he noticed, however, is how... Clingy you were tonight. You liked to be close, sitting shoulder to shoulder, sometimes even laying your head on his shoulder. It was something he secretly enjoyed. Tonight, you kept him close, sitting next to him as you ate, holding his arm against your chest while selecting a movie, and partway through, you guided him to lay down, lying down right in front of him and pulling his arm over you.

"Is this okay?" You ask softly.

"Y-yes, " he manages to choke out. As much as he was enjoying the closeness, he was so anxious, certain you could feel his thirium pump vibrating in his chest. This was so intimate. It made his mind wander. Would it always be like this if he was dating you? He hopes so. The buzzing of his nerves was worth the warmth of your body.

Normally, you would be far too apprehensive and embarrassed to make such bold moves, but you were tired. Perhaps you were being selfish, but you just wanted to be held and comforted. You wouldn't do this with anyone else.

You were starting to doze off. Connor checked the time, and he wasn't comfortable sending you home so late.

"Hey, why don't you stay the night?" He speaks softly against you.

"Hmm?" You yawn, stretching until you were reminded of the pain in your shoulder, "Okay." You didn't make any moves to get up, instead, snuggling closer to him. As much as he'd rather stay like this, you would wake up sore if you slept here.

"Come on, you can take my bed, " he sits up, helping you off the couch.

"What? No. I can't take your bed, " you said, but Connor was already pulling you to his room.

"I don't require sleep, " he countered, but you pouted. It was absolutely adorable.

"But it's yours."

"Yes, and I'm choosing to let you use it, " he smiled down at you. You were quiet for a moment.

"Why don't we share?" Your voice was small as you avoided his gaze. While you laid together on the couch, you might be pushing your luck. It just felt so nice to be cared for, to be loved, even if it wasn't the kind of love you felt towards him.

His eyes were wide, looking down at you. Was... Was this a test? Could he say yes? Would it be too self-indulgent? You looked nervous, but it didn't seem like you were joking.

"If... If you don't mind, " he finally answered. You nodded, smiling.

"Do you have a pair of sweats or something I can borrow? These jeans are a little tight, " you asked, fingers pulling at your waistband. Connor's eyes were drawn to it, turning around to his dresser as a heat built in his cheeks. While he knows his clothes would be large on you, he pulls out a black pair of sweatpants with a drawstring and one of his sweaters. You took them and headed for the bathroom.

You came out a few moments later, and Connor couldn't help but stare. His clothes looked so much better on you. The collar of the sweater dipped down, and it was suddenly his favorite.

You weren't faring any better. He had changed into pajama pants and a tank top. It just wasn't fair. Your best friend was eye-candy and you will never know how sweet he tastes.

After a moment, you tore your eyes away, feeling bashful. Your fingers barely poked through the sleeves as you played with your hair. You really know how to distract him. He gestured to the bed, letting you pick a side before joining you. At first, he thought you were going to lay side by side, but instead, you rolled onto your good shoulder, draping your arm over his shoulders. He took a risk, rolling onto his side and holding you closer. You didn't seem to mind, snuggling closer.

"Hey, Connor, " you murmured, "thank you for today."

"Of course, " you were already falling asleep, softly snoozing against his chest.

"I'd do anything for you."

[tu-mint]

“The Lemonade” Guy Pt. 1

When Jade realizes her feelings for a certain schoolmate go beyond a friendship, she makes a tremendous effort to rid herself of it.

Song Inspo(s): Wicked Games - Kiana Lede; I Won’t Say I’m In Love - Hercules

International AU!

Word Count: 4k+

~

There was rarely ever something Jade tried to avoid other than the topic of Manu. The reactions that came upon his death were much too triggering to her anger, and she refused to allow that level of rage to overcome her again; thankfully this was not the case. Now while that was a relief, the actual issue being avoided proved to be almost as troubling, and the foreign girl did not realize the matter until recently.

UA High was bustling with noise and movement, people curious about the UA students from different parts of the world. Jade was blessed to have been shown secret entrances and passageways by Ren as to avoid news reporters. While it wasn’t anything she wasn’t unfamiliar with, the second year student knew uncomfortable and personal questions would turn up if given the chance, so she decided staying in the shadows would be safe for now. Stepping onto school grounds, Jade found Maeda, Kubo and Ren chatting with two students she could not recognize. One was a girl with long cyan hair and a bright expression, and the other a boy with his head turned away from the trio. Hm...maybe they're new kids? It was difficult to tell whether or not they were around the same age as her, but Jade concluded they were older looking at their height. The girl craned her neck to look over her shoulder then gasped loudly.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshisthisher?!" She sped towards the international student and stretched a hand outward, grinning widely. "Nejire Hado, third year here at the original UA! You must be Jade, I was just asking your friends about you, and I heard you were from Los Angeles! Tell me what it's like! Is the food really good? What about the school? Is it different from the UA here? Ooh, what about your father? Is it true about him being a Pro Hero? What's his quirk? Is it like yours? Wha--"

"Easy Hado, she just got here," Ren intervened with a light chuckle. "Well, she already introduced herself, so that leaves the guy hiding behind her, Tamaki Amajiki, also a third year student. He's a bit shy as you can see." Jade leaned on her side to find the indigo haired male from earlier, head hung low and arms crossed tightly. She gave a small smile when he peeked up from the locks curtaining his face, pleased when he gave a single nod.

"It's nice to meet you both," chirped the foreign girl with a bow to which Hado squealed.

"And she's respectful! Ah, such an intriguing new person to meet--oh! I have to introduce you to Mirio, you'll love him, most girls do. Now where is he--" She scampered away with Tamaki in tow, slipping into the sea of students and staff members. Jade watched on with a scowl on her face. Most girls do? What is she trynna say, that I'm gonna be part of some bandwagon? She felt a hand on her shoulder pulling her out of her thoughts.

"She didn't mean it like that," came Ren's voice again. "Hado has a very blunt and unconventional way of speech, don’t mind her."

"It's something she can work on considering she wants to pursue becoming a Pro Hero," Maeda interjected, her tone flat but firm. Jade hummed in agreement and looked amongst the other pupils. Upon seeing the many faces, her eyes became fixed on one that stood out.

In a large crowd of females stood a tall and bulky male, his smile gleaming and proud. He appeared to be speaking to them, a round of giggles following soon after whatever he’d said. There were a few international students Jade recognized taking pictures with him and handing him slips of paper, presumably with some kind of social contact on it. That must be who the girl was talking about seeing he has an entire--wait a minute! It wasn’t until he looked up that she realized why the male seemed familiar. That’s the guy who I ran into at the entrance! The one who gave me that stupid nickna--

“Gemstone!” 

Jade cursed inwardly as he advanced in her direction. She glanced at the entourage behind him, their faces surprised or annoyed, and it didn’t help that some of them were now moving closer too. Her feet were glued in place as the male stood before her, a cheeky grin evident on his face. Blonde hair, blue eyes, nice body...definitely the same guy from the first day.

”Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten my name already,” he chuckled, crossing his arms. Jade noted how the gesture made his already defined muscles tighten. An odd tension arose in her abdomen, but she quickly dismissed it and cleared her throat.

”Togata if I remember correctly.” The foreign girl bowed, remembering her manners. It was best to keep a respectful image considering the person before her was not only older, but one of the most skilled students attending the original UA. “It's good to s—“

”Togata, I need some help getting to my classes," a voice suddenly cut in. It came as a realization to Jade that a majority of the girls from earlier were now surrounding them. The person who had spoken was an international student herself, but she didn't look too pleased that all the attention was on someone else. Her hand crawled up Togata's arm in a suggestive manner before resting at his shoulder. "I'm not too familiar with UA Japan's complex," she continued, "so it would help a lot."

"Ooh wait, I think I need help too!" someone else from the crowd piped.

"I do as well!"

"Me too!"

Soon numerous hands were tugging at the tall male with pleads and demands of showing them around the school. Jade watched as Togata weakly smiled and tried to talk amongst the bunch with reason; it proved useless as they continued to grab at him from every direction. An unusual feeling rushed to her torso again, but something felt much different from earlier. In place was a strong stinging sensation, not enough to hurt but enough to generate irritation. What in the hell--

"Something wrong, Lofota?" Maeda's voice snapped Jade back into reality. Ren and Kubo were before her, curiosity etched on their features. From her peripheral line of vision she could see the bulky third year being dragged away with a familiar cyan and indigo haired duo following close behind.

"We saw Togata and his groupies approach you, but you looked as if you were ready to jump at one of them," Kubo remarked. "I personally don't mind, just give me a heads up next time so I can record it for memories." Maeda rolled her eyes at this.

Jade chuckled and shook her head. "It wasn't anything like that, guys, I think my mind was just occupied with something else. Let's try and get to class before news reporters start breaking through the gates." She walked alongside the trio and listened to them explain UA Japan's school system and the events that were set throughout the year. Despite her nonchalant attitude, the sting remained in Jade's stomach; she figured it would go away after some medication and rest.

~

It took a little over a month for the second year to realize that the peculiar feelings in her system were not an overnight situation. Jade took matters into her own hands and recorded when her stomach fell into any eccentric sensation, noting what, when and how much she ate and any possible patterns. When food appeared to be free of guilt, she tried looking at her sleep patterns and clothing for clues but was met with the same result. Her concern had caught Ren's attention when the medic pupil found her seated on a hospital bed speaking to Recovery Girl.

"Hon, I've ran multiple scans and checkups and found nothing," sighed the elder. "Your health is in great shape and according to your own data, it seems like you're doing just fine. Maybe try laying down, it seems this issue with your tummy is stressing you out." Jade complied wordlessly, but Ren could see that she was still in heavy thought. When Recovery Girl exited the office, she took a seat beside the bed and peered up. "Thinkin' real hard over there, aren't you?"

Jade turned on her side with a groan. "I just wanna figure out what the hell is wrong with me, it's starting to piss me off."

"What've you been doing?"

"School, hero training, eating, sleeping, the usual."

"Any foods you can think of that caused that pain?"

"No, but that's the weird part!" The foreign student sat up and pulled a leg to her chest. "This feeling I keep getting, it doesn't hurt. It just--it doesn't...I never had this before, but I'm not sure if that means I'm doing something wrong that's causing my body to react the way it does."

Ren arched her brows in search of an answer. "Can you maybe describe this 'feeling' by comparing it to something? Or perhaps using a metaphor? Just so I can understand this better."

"It...well, there's usually two kinds of reactions. At one point, my abdomen feels light but constricted, like it can't take anything in because everything is squeezed out. When that happens, I also feel my heart rate pick up, and my body feels overheated." The medic nodded and gestured to continue. "The second feeling is more like a stinging one, or like a burn--yeah, burning would be a more accurate comparison. When my stomach gets like that, I get really annoyed, but there's only so much I can do when the problem is internal. I tend to get more of the first reaction than I do the second, if that helps."

It was an interesting explanation given, and Ren understood why Recovery Girl struggled a bit providing help. She was quiet for a long time, but just as her friend was about to speak, she asked another question: "Does this ever happen around a specific time? Specific person? Maybe a certain group of people or things?"

Jade blinked before lying down again, her attention focused on the ceiling. Is there somebody or something always near me when this happens? She reeled through all the faces and names she'd ever interacted with, staff members, students, strangers, but no exact nouns came to mind that she could recall triggering this reaction. The foreign student shook her head.

"Huh, well...what's the earliest you recall first feeling these sensations?"

"I think the earliest I felt it was when I was talking to Togata and--" Almost immediately the rest of Jade's sentence died on her tongue. Ren quickly caught the abrupt end and tried to make understanding of what had just happened. The memory was clear as day in her mind, meeting Hado and Amajiki, Togata walking up to her with immaculate bulging muscles, the crowd of female students hauling him away and the indefinable feelings in her abdomen, it all began to click. However, looking over the details of that time, Jade realized that the sensations ultimately activated when she was around--

"Togata."

She whipped her head in surprise.

"Togata is the cause behind your odd abdominal feelings," Ren smiled, "which tells me this is definitely not a medical issue." She bit back a laugh at the disbelief on Jade's face. It seemed she understood what was being implied as she began shaking her head feverently.

"No no no and no, you better not say what I think you're about to say, Ishikawa."

"Aw, c'mon now Jade, you can't be upset at me! I was just trying to help you understand the cause of your stomach issues, looks like it was just butterflies the whole time."

The foreign student grimaced. "Ren, please don't."

"But it's actually cute! I personally think that you both--"

"REN I GET IT, STOP."

Jade sat in irritation until her friend ceased laughing, then hopped off the bed and brushed off her uniform. The medic pupil stood up immediately and pulled her into a hug, chuckling lightly. "Well, now that we found the root of the issue, what are you gonna do? Am I helping you plan a confession?"

"I'm gonna get rid of it.” Ren's snickering stopped. Jade's face and tone was enough to say she wasn't kidding.

"Heh, I uh...I don't think I heard you correctly?"

"Get rid of it. I'll just distance myself from Togata so that my mind can adjust it's thoughts towards him." She hurried after her friend down the hallway. Students buzzed around them, lively chatter and activity surrounding the pair.

"Wait a minute Jade, I'm not understanding how this is being helpful."

"Ren, the more time I am not near him or able to visibly see him, I'm more than a hundred percent sure that whatever these annoying feelings are will dissipate. When that happens, I can go back to being in the guy's presence without any weird aura surrounding me, but until then, I'm following a strict 'No Togata' routine."

The medic student scoffed in amusement. "Routine? Jade, that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard a UA student say. I say just let it happen and see where it goes from there. Who knows, maybe he possibly could return--"

"Ah--" Jade stopped and held a hand up. "I'm gonna stop you there for two reasons. One, the sole reason anyone should attend this school is to pursue some kind of a career, and this applies especially to me. I was sent here as a representative because UA Los Angeles trusts me to execute and display my skills as a potential Pro Hero, not to go messin' around with Japan's kids, let alone the top students. I have an entire city depending on me, Ren, I can't mess this up." She sighed and took in another breath. "Two, if anything, I am far from his type."

"His type? How can you even know that if you only ever said hi to the guy like, three times?"

"Context clues. If it isn't directly in front of you, look at everything around to find your answer."

Ren deadpanned. "And what exactly did you look at to find your answer?"

"Upbeat, lively girls," Jade replied as if it should've been an obvious answer. The pair entered the cafeteria which was more cramped than usual. Staff members were present, most likely by Nezu's word to have travelling students feel more welcomed. All Might stood among the teachers with a countless number of admirers already circled around him, all different years, sizes and appearances. A certain green haired boy appeared to be of his utmost interest as he practically shouted in the student's face. Ren chuckled at the sight, but she noticed her friend's attention was focused elsewhere.

Her gaze was closed in on a table swallowed by a swarm of students. Some were people from earlier that were practically throwing themselves at Togata, and it seemed no different as he sat at the center of the table enjoying his lunch. Hado was seated across from him, her expression as bright as ever, and beside them was a shaking Amajiki, his head rested against the structure’s surface. His nervous movements ceased, however, and Ren smiled seeing the cyan haired girl had slipped her hand into his, returning to her conversation with ease. Jade also noticed the subtle gesture, but she wouldn't help feeling a pang of annoyance at the audience surrounding the blonde boy. She didn't realize she was watching so intensely until his eyes crossed the room to meet hers. Crap! Immediately Jade looked away, unsure if she was more embarrassed about getting caught or feeling irked over a guy. You're here to represent your school, show your worth of an upcoming Pro Hero. Stop getting distracted! Distance! "Ren, let's get some lunch. I'm sure Tokoyami and the others are awaiting your presence."

"Our presence." Jade smiled as they strode across the cafeteria. The medic always made sure she felt included no matter what the situation was; it eased her thoughts greatly, which was something she needed.

~

Another month passed and Jade had almost become like a second Maeda, so intently focused during school hours and hero training. Even on off days, the international student went about her own activities, only ever seen for meals or rest. Her bond remained close with Ren, Maeda and Kubo in various ways, however, and she was present whenever a hangout commenced, so it seemed like everything was completely fine. Ren's teasing had become more discreet (much to Jade's relief) and she created a codename for the blonde third year.

"'The lemonade'?" Jade cringed. The two met up for a walk through town one day, and it seemed safe enough to discuss the matter since they weren't near school grounds.

"I think it's pretty subtle, and keeping the word 'the' in the codename would have people assuming we're actually talking about a beverage. Plus," the medic eyed her friend, "the guy is a tall glass of lemonade if I do say so myself, heh."

"Ren don't--"

"Lemonade sounds good right about now." She froze. It took everything in the foreign girl to not begin speed walking as soon as she heard the familiar upbeat voice behind her. From the look on her friend's face, Jade's assumption of Togata's presence was true. Unfortunately true. She slowly turned around, a faux smile in place until her eyes fell upon something hiding behind the male.

It was a little girl, she could tell that much, with long snowy locks spilling from behind Togata's calf. The child peeked up from her spot, red irises meeting Jade's indigo ones. The foreign girl was locked in place as she suddenly recalled her family. She thought of her parents' cooking and singing, her brothers' livelihood for sports, but she was especially reminded of her sister. Youngest and the only other girl in the line of siblings, they did a lot together. From shopping together to painting to singing to sightseeing, Jade realized how much she'd missed them. The exchange of words between Ren and Togata were a muffed noise as she crouched down, entrapped by the little stranger.

"I'm Jade, it's nice to meet you." The words slipped out like butter, and thankfully it didn't seem to frighten or discomfort the child. She looked up to the male for approval, then stepped forward and let his hand go. 

"My name is Eri, it's nice to meet you too," she squeaked with a bow. Jade was awestruck by her politeness and shifted onto her knees to bow in return. When they both straightened up, Eri bore a wide smile and returned to Togata's side.

"Gosh, Gemstone, thought you were ignoring me for a sec." Reality hit the foreign girl immediately when she met the blonde's gaze, and her stomach felt tight again. Damn it, not now! Calm down, breathe, breathe, don't overreact. She stumbled getting back on her feet and managed a sheepish expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she apologized more aggressively than she meant to. "I was just so surprised seeing you with a kid, and she just--"

"Oh? Do you think I'm not good with kids?" He raised a brow. 

Crap, why does he have to look cute doing that. "I never said that," Jade rolled her eyes. "I was just surprised seeing you outside of your whole entourage, that's all." She cursed at her choice of words. Now I just sound like I'm hating on him.

"My entourage? Sounds like someone's a bit jealous."

"Ha! Boy, ain't nothin' to be jealous of." The second year held her ground as the bulky male challenged her with a smirk. Ren cleared her throat, acknowledging her presence and causing Jade to force herself back. She didn't realize how close she'd gotten to him during their small banter, but it was definitely closer than what she was comfortable with. "Ren, uh, I believe you were talking about something, yes?"

The medic peered over in amusement. "Yeah, I was talking about lemonade, which since you're here Togata with little Eri, I believe we can all get some together." Damn you, Ren!

Eri gasped before tugging on the male's sleeve. "Can we please, Mirio?"  The sight made Jade's heart swell, and she couldn't be upset if it was an adorable child asking to accompany them. He beamed down at her and nodded his head.

"Ladies, you may lead the way." During the walk to a mini cafe Ren knew of (thanks to Tokoyami), Jade observed how attentive and caring Togata was with Eri, playing games or cracking jokes that made her laugh. Citizens passing commented on their closeness in adoration, many praising the third year for looking after the child with such passion. Even when there were those who tried to flirt with him, the boy paid them no mind and brushed off their efforts. Jade didn't know him too well, but she knew it would be difficult to want to be away from the guy, especially after seeing this side of him, away from the crowds, away from the hero limelight. Togata truly was someone to admire. A familiar tightness returned to her torso, but for now, she was okay with it.

She was pleased being able spend time with Eri herself, learning more about her likes and hobbies. A lot of what the young girl enjoyed Jade discovered was also liked by her sister. "What's her name?" the child asked, munching on a pastry. The horn atop her head glimmered in the sun while she finished up coloring a drawing.

"Her name is Carolei," the international student smiled, "but my family and I just call her Lei."

Eri dropped her coloring utensil on the table and leaned forward. "Can I call her Lei, too?" Jade looked around as though someone was listening to their conversation, then nodded with a wink, much to the child’s delight. They giggled and chatted, forgetting about time and enjoying getting to know one another. The second year felt as though she wasn't in Japan, but back in America with the people she'd cared about and loved; it felt good to bathe in the comfort and reminisce of home. Someone had gripped the back of Jade’s chair; she turned assuming it was Ren until she was face to face with a broad chest and the strong aroma of musk. Her heartbeat boomed in her head and she slowly turned back to Eri, allowing her nerves to calm. Ren bit back a laugh, but a tug on Jade’s hand distracted her from making a slick comment.

"Jade," said Eri in a small voice, "I have to leave now, but...do you think we can hang out another time?"

A sudden idea popped into the second year's mind at the young girl’s request. With a kind smile, she squeezed Eri's hand reassuringly. "We'll have plenty more days to hang out, hon, just me and you."

"Ouch, and what about me, Gemstone?" Togata whined, a hand on his chest in offense.

"Ah, I'd rather not be attacked by your fangirls. Besides, you have Amajiki and Hado to hang out with, and I know you see Eri almost every day." Both parties waved goodbye before continuing on their own paths. Ren and Jade were in a comfortable silence until the medic let out a sigh.

"You literally just missed your opportunity."

"Girl, what? If anything, I'd say I just opened the door for an opportunity."

"Opportunity for what? You literally shut the guy down."

"With good reason," the foreign student argued. She wasn't rude in her response to the older boy, and it was honest! The last thing Jade needed was rumors tainting her name simply for the fact that she hung out with one of the big three alone, especially if they were of the opposite sex. "Anyways, back to the opportunity I was talking about. I think Eri can help me out with this."

~

Happy New Years everyone! Thought I would just drop by with this little piece since I have been lagging quite a bit lol, anywho, just a little bit of love for our favorite blonde boy since I don’t see too much on him. Be safe everyone! Like, comment & share!

OC Creds to: @gureii (Ren, Maeda, Kubo

[scripttorture]

Hello I have a character who gets locked up and starved for about 3 days, as a way for their abuser to make them “submit”. At the end of the 3 days, the abuser offers my character food in exchange for their obedience. My MC is a teenager at that time, I don't intend to make him genuinely obey their abuser, but as they're under her mercy, they have to go along with it. (1/2)

(2/2) *Starved MC ask* How likely is my MC to actually comply? (they’re stubborn, fierce, and unrelenting, but already suffering from trauma after losing their family and getting separated from their sibling +plus taken away to a foreign country where they only know their abuser, and don’t speak or understand the language there). What are the physical repercussions that they’d suffer from the starvation? (+If they were physically/sexually abused, how would that affect their health?

-

This looks like a long one. I think it might be related to another ask but it’s been a while since I answered the other ask and I can’t remember the details of the story. So I’m going to answer this on it’s own merits and leave it to the author to judge which question lines up best with the situation they’re writing.

 Compliance is a complicated question. I’m unaware of any relevant studies on the topic. It would be unethical to conduct an actual experiment on the subject (before someone mentions Miligram the man was a hack who published deliberately misleading results). Trying to put together a statistical study based on surveys of survivors would rely on survivors’ memories, which not a good idea. It would also mean coming up with a decent in-context definition of compliance.

 My opinion is that compliance is a lot less likely then we are led to believe.

 The one thing I do have statistics for is forced confessions under torture. The data comes from analysis of historical sources.

 For the historical French sources, where torture alone was used to force confessions, the average success rate was 10% and varied slightly across provinces.

 In the London Cage circa world war 2, where bribery and plea bargains were used as well, the success rate was around 30%.

 Consider for a moment that to confess a person need only comply long enough to sign their name.

 In contrast- slavery and forced labour scenarios involve torturous prison conditions and torturous punishments yet a lot of victims comply to some extent. Often by performing simple, repetitive tasks.

 But we don’t actually have accurate estimates for compliance in these scenarios. The records of numbers of slaves during the time of the trans-atlantic trade assume compliance, they assume that the people kidnapped and shipped across an ocean would work. This was not always the case.

 A great many people chose death over compliance. People committed suicide en masse. People also refused to work and were killed for it. Numbers for each group aren’t recorded.

 We also don’t have accurate numbers for the people who complied just long enough to walk into the forest and vanish. And we can’t even estimate the number of people who appeared to comply but sabotaged their own work, poisoned their abusers or just broke as much stuff as they could.

 Story tellers often treat compliance as if it’s an all or nothing scenario and- everything I’ve read suggests it isn’t. It depends on the individuals involved and their strongly held beliefs. It’s about where individuals draw the line.

 An awful lot of people would rather starve then renounce their religion or put their families in danger. Very few people would rather starve then break rocks.

 So how believable your character complying is depends on what she believes and what her abuser is trying to get her to do.

 It also depends on the situation; people don’t comply just because they’re hurt or threatened. They do it because short term compliance can (depending on the situation) make survival, escape and more effective acts of resistance more likely.

 Some degree of compliance in the scenario you’ve outlined isn’t unrealistic. But neither is a flat out refusal.

 Having the character turn round and say ‘No. I would rather starve to death,’ and having him do it, is also realistic.

 Ultimately it’s your decision whether the character complies and to what degree. But rather then just going with whatever seems easiest for the plot I’d suggest trying to consider the scenario in greater depth: why does the character comply?

 The answer is never as simple as ‘because he was hungry’.

 Think about what the character’s options really are. Then think about what opportunities complying creates. The character doesn’t need to have a clear defined plan. He doesn’t need to be right about the opportunities he thinks complying will create. He also doesn’t need to have a good or effective plan.

 So for instance, the last time I wrote a character complying after being threatened and hurt was in a sci fi story. The character agreed to have some experimental tech implanted in his body. His plan was essentially ‘I’m smart, I know tech. Signing this form will mean I don’t get beaten up and I’ll be able to handle any problem the tech creates.’

 This was a stupid plan. But my point is, it’s still a plan. It’s something that puts this decision in context for the readers and doesn’t make the character passive in the scene.

 He is making a decision. Even though it’s under duress.

 So approach it as a decision. Reject the idea of there being ‘no choice’.

 Most previously healthy people wouldn’t see long term complications from three days of starvation once they can eat normally again.

 For those three days the character will be in a lot of pain. The psychological effects of starvation will be obvious, and some of the physical effects will be too.

 The masterpost on starvation is here.

 Now I think over this period of time if the character isn’t getting any food then all of the psychological symptoms will probably be there. It would be normal for those symptoms to still be present for a few weeks after he starts eating properly.

 People working with famine victims generally report that the mood swings can become a big problem when victims start getting enough to eat. Basically- these people are still suffering from such intense mood swings that they’re ready to fight over seating arrangements and once they start eating again they suddenly have enough energy to actually start a fight. This can be a problem if you’re trying to manage the re-feeding of a few thousand people.

 From your perspective it’s something to take into account when you think about how the character is responding to his abuser. He doesn’t have to do anything silly but you should show that starvation has affected his mind as well as his body.

 As for the physical symptoms a few of them are only really obvious in people who are starved over a long period of time. He’s not going to see a sudden growth of body hair in three days.

 He would be in pain and he’d lose a lot of weight. A lot of that weight would be muscle. He would experience the lack of strength and coordination, be prone to fainting and have difficulty controlling his body temperature. He’d be vulnerable to disease and he could potentially develop bloating in the abdomen and swelling in the legs but I think that’s less likely.

 I don’t think he’d see a significant difference in the strength of his bones, hair and nails. I’m not sure if he’d experience skin problems (he’d certainly look unhealthy) or an absence of tears.

 Organ failure, poor pulse and swelling in the abdomen are all associated with really severe starvation and a poorer chance of survival. I think they’re also more likely over a slightly longer time frame.

 Once again- don’t forget to take the psychological symptoms into account. They have a profound effect on people and they’re integral to capturing the experience of starvation. Physical repercussions are easier to describe but without the psychological symptoms you’re really only describing half of what’s going on.

 In terms of recovery if the character can have as much food as he wants his physical recovery will be quicker. The psychological symptoms will linger for a while even after he is physically healthy/out of harm’s way. If there were no other abuses going on the psychological symptoms would vanish completely with food and time.

 Remember here that when I’m talking about ‘healthy’ I’m talking about averages. If this character is an athlete or a superhero or something else that demands an above average physical ability it will take him a long time to get back to that level of ability.

 He might be completely physically healthy after a week and a half of eating as much as he likes. But that doesn’t mean he could go out and win a gold medal yet. That would probably take months, perhaps years, of training in a safe abuse free environment.

 The last question, how physical and sexual abuse would effect the character’s health, doesn’t have a simple answer.

 The short answer is: badly. But it really depends on what exactly you’re picturing.

 The long term psychological effects are terrible however the abuse is conducted. That said, some kinds of abuse are more likely to cause physical scars, long term physical injury, physical disability or death.

 Repeated rape, especially when it also involves beatings and use of objects, can cause lethal injuries. The worst single injury I’ve heard of was a broken pelvis. To put that into context it’s one of the strongest and biggest bones in the body.

 My point here is ‘sexual abuse’ and ‘physical abuse’ both cover a really wide variety of things. The long term health effects depend on exactly what’s happening.

 Head injuries can easily be lethal or disabling. Beatings can be conducted in ways that are less likely to bruise, leave scars or break bones, but they still cause massive internal damage. A person can be beaten to death and not looked bruised.

 Anything that leaves large scars has the potential to cause mobility problems because scar tissue tends to be less flexible and shrink the skin. When this happens over joints it can restrict the movement of the joint.

 A lot of tortures cause chronic pain and this can be disabling.

 Anything that breaks the skin has the potential to cause serious infections.

 Lack of sleep and lack of food increase the chance of an infection and of that infection becoming serious.

 The general long term effects of abuse are the same as the general long term effects of torture. As with torture we can’t predict who will get which symptoms, so I advise picking symptoms based on what you feel fits the character and plot best.

 But there are a lot of possible outcomes. Brain injuries, mobility problems ranging from paralysis to loss of fine motor functions, joint problems, muscle problems, weak bones, skin disorders, recurrent infections, diabetes- The list goes on.

 As an example I’ve got a case in front of me right now of a young man who was enslaved in the agricultural industry in America for about five years. He suffered from: chronic respiratory ailments (unspecified), failing vision, chronic pain, heat exhaustion and frequent bowel problems.

 You could make the argument that some of these conditions were entirely physical due to injuries he sustained while enslaved. But it’s difficult to entirely separate the psychological and physical symptoms.

 Digestive issues can be due to depression. Chronic pain can be psychological, physical or due to a combination of the two. For instance if someone instinctively tenses their muscles when stressed then their chronic pain could be due to muscle damage. But that muscle damage is ultimately coming from the fact they’re under stress.

 Heart attacks and strokes can be due to physical factors, such as large blood clots caused by particular forms of abuse. But they also become more likely when the body’s stress response is active over a prolonged period of time; such as in the case of long term torture or abuse.

 With the information you’ve given me all I can definitively say is that the character would suffer from long term health problems and be generally more unhealthy then the rest of the population.

 There is a range within that though. You might find it helpful to come up with a list of what the character goes through and search for relevant terms on the blog. If other people have asked about similar things you’ll be able to find a list of injury patterns and risk factors.

 You might also find ScriptTraumaSurvivor’s blog helpful.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[bountyofbeads]

Did Trump Lie (Again) About a Big Deal With China?

Turns out “phase one” was only a done deal in Trump’s head.

By Bess Levin | Published October 14, 2019 | Vanity Fair | Posted October 14, 2019 12:00 PM ET |

Last week, amid reports of ISIS prisoners escaping in northern Syria, the president’s defense attorney being criminally investigated, and the continued fallout from Ukraine/Biden/“do us a favor”-gate, markets received a rare bit of good news when Donald Trump announced that the United States had reached a “very substantial phase-one deal” with China. “The deal I just made with China is, by far, the greatest and biggest deal ever made for our Great Patriot Farmers in the history of our Country,” the president tweeted. “Other aspects of the deal are also great - technology, financial services, 16-20 Billion in Boeing Planes etc., but WOW, the Farmers really hit pay dirt!” Given the negative impact Trump’s never-ending trade war has had on the economy, such news would of course be thrilling to investors, companies, consumers, and the farmers the dealmaker in chief cares so deeply for, but, as it turns out, the “greatest and biggest deal ever” doesn’t actually appear to have any basis in reality. Which is another way of saying it sure sounds like the president lied about negotiations with China, again.

Bloomberg reports that China wants another round of talks before even thinking about signing “phase one” of the trade deal, according to people familiar with the matter. Despite Trump’s all-caps claim on Sunday that “CHINA HAS ALREADY BEGUN AGRICULTURAL PURCHASES FROM OUR GREAT PATRIOT FARMERS & RANCHERS!,” Beijing’s state-run media said only that the two sides had “agreed to make joint efforts toward eventually reaching an agreement.” An op-ed that ran in China Daily over the weekend cautioned, “Let’s nail down ‘phase one’ before moving to the next. As based on its past practice, there is always the possibility that Washington may decide to cancel the deal if it thinks that doing so will better serve its interests.” In a statement, Geng Shuang, a foreign ministry spokesman, said that while progress had been made, there is still work to be done, and that he hoped “the U.S. will work with China and meet each other halfway.” Stocks opened lower on Monday after surging on Friday.

Of course, this is far from the first time Trump has lied through his caps when it comes to a trade deal. Back in December 2018, he boasted to reporters that he’d struck an “incredible” trade deal with Chinese President Xi Jinping that blew up in his face a mere 24 hours later. In August, a breakthrough call with China turned out to actually have never happened. So you can kind of see how there might be some distrust there.

Even before it turned out that “phase one” was only a done deal in Trump’s head, Wall Street was skeptical. “Overall, we don’t think this Phase 1 deal clears the air for global corporations to decide on what matters most – where to invest, produce, hire or source,” Evercore ISI strategists wrote in a note to investors. Credit Suisse doubts this “mini-deal” will lead to the end of the trade war, saying that it sees “daunting obstacles” to a full resolution. According to Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, planned tariffs will go into effect in December if a deal isn’t signed, but, he told CNBC on Monday, he’s optimistic that Trump and Xi will finalize negotiations during their meeting in Chile in a few weeks, a prediction that some might characterize as delusional, given China’s insistence that the U.S. must back off tariffs first. “The U.S. must concede on its December tariff threat if they want sign a deal during APEC summit; otherwise it would be a humiliating treaty for China,” Huo Jianguo, a former Chinese commerce ministry official who is now vice chairman of the China Society for World Trade Organization Studies, told Bloomberg. “The U.S. has definitely shown some good gestures, but we shouldn’t exclude the possibility of another flip-flop.”

*********

Wall Street and corporations should be worried 😯 as a Warren Presidency would put a check on Wall Street and corporations while championing 👇👇

#VoteBlue2020 #votebluetosaveamerica2020

A Warren presidency, would benefit “workers,” then the “environment” and “those with lower incomes,” and finally “women and minorities.”

“A Decision Between Sickness and Death”: Wall Street Tries to Get Its Mind Around a Warren Presidency

At least she’s a capitalist, unlike Bernie. And in a pick-your-poison election, many Wall Streeters see her as much, much better than Trump and his chaos.

By William D Cohan | Published October 11, 2019 | Vanity Fair | Posted October 14, 2019 11:55 AM ET |

You can tell Wall Street is getting more than a little worried that Elizabeth Warren may become the next president of the United States when research reports start popping up about what her presidency might mean for the financial markets. Spoiler alert: It’s not good.

In a note to his high-net-worth clients on October 8, Barrett Tabeek, a financial adviser at Matauro, LLC, an affiliate of AXA, the giant French insurance company, makes clear that a Warren presidency won’t be good for corporate earnings, which means she won’t be good for the stock market, which means she won’t be good for shareholders who have no doubt gotten quite used to the stock market highs unleashed by Donald Trump’s massive tax cut for corporate America.

“Everyone has their hierarchy of what’s important,” Tabeek wrote, “and Warren is an unapologetic populist who, if in power, would enact policies designed to reduce corporate earnings to benefit other stakeholders.” In the group that stands to benefit from a Warren presidency, Tabeek puts “workers,” then the “environment” and “those with lower incomes,” and finally “women and minorities.”

While he’s adamant that he’s not being political in his four-page note, Tabeek evaluated 10 of Warren’s policy proposals—among them, “ban fracking,” “increased taxes on the wealthy,” “break up big tech,” and “reinstate Glass- Steagall”—and pretty much declares that they will reduce corporate profits, reduce incomes for the super-wealthy, and raise gasoline prices for consumers. “The bottom line is that from a market standpoint, all of these policies would be negative for stocks, with some being downright negative for the broad markets (by reducing corporate earnings broadly) while others would be material negatives for certain sectors (large-cap tech, prison stocks, defense stocks, etc.),” he wrote. “How negative would these policies be for stocks? No one knows exactly, but it’s safe to say they’d be negative.”

Wall Street's best hope, Tabeek notes, is that most of the policies that Warren would like to enact would need congressional approval, “and as such they are unlikely to be approved, at least based on what we know now.” He wrote that polls suggest that Warren is “more liberal than most Democrats (and obviously Republicans) so even if Democrats were to sweep (controlling Congress and the presidency), it’s unclear how many of these policies would be enacted,” although he pointed out that some of her policies, such as having the EPA ban fracking, could be done by executive order.

But actually, Tabeek is significantly more pessimistic than many others on Wall Street, who don’t yet see Warren as either the inevitable Democratic nominee yet or that she would necessarily govern—if she’s elected president—as radically as she comes across in her stump speeches. For all her regulatory fervor, she still describes herself as a capitalist—and she hasn’t yet passed through the crucible of a general election, which can sometimes, though not always, have a moderating effect.

Robert Wolf, who has his own advisory firm and has been described as Obama’s favorite Wall Street banker, sees Warren as “having the most momentum in the populist lane” while Joe Biden, Obama’s former vice president, is “still the guy in the moderate lane.” He hesitates to say that Bernie Sanders is out of the picture, especially since within days of suffering a heart attack, he announced that he had raised $25 million from 1.4 million unique donors, “which is just off the charts in both ways.” He also can envision Sanders playing a key role, should he decide that his health scare prevents him from pushing forward with his campaign. Such a move, if it were to happen, would obviously favor Warren. “There’s no question that the role he decides to play—whether he continues onward or decides to align his movement with Elizabeth Warren—will definitely be one of the major steps in the primary season,” Wolf says. (There’s no indication, yet, that Sanders plans to pack it in.)

Wolf is much less worried about Warren’s policies than he would be about Sanders’s policies. “She’s to the right of Bernie, but much to the left of Biden,” he continues. “She wants to promote capitalism, and we still need to figure out what that means to her. The way she comes across is: She wants capitalism to be fair and balanced and regulated. And I think that we need to better understand what it means ‘to be regulated’—which is fine, as long as we keep the ‘fair and balanced.’ It’s to be determined what that all means, and I’m not losing sleep yet, because, in my opinion, we’re still in an environment where there’s a big difference between populist rhetoric and the ability to execute a plan when you need congressional approval.”

He thinks of Wall Street in simple terms: 40% are staunch Democrats who will vote for Elizabeth Warren over Donald Trump; 40% are staunch Republicans who will vote for Donald Trump over Elizabeth Warren. Then there’s the 20% in the middle. In 2008 that 20% went for Barack Obama. In 2012 it went for Mitt Romney. In 2016 it went for Hillary Clinton. “I don't know where they're going to go today,” he concludes. “Because an incredible number of people in financial services are exhausted by the Trump chaos.”

Another Wall Street bigwig and longtime Democratic Party stalwart likes to use a football metaphor when it comes to figuring out who the Democratic nominee will be. He thinks Warren has one spot in the Democratic Super Bowl locked up; the other spot looks like it will go to Biden but there are a host of more centrist Democratic candidates—Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, Cory Booker, Amy Klobuchar—who are going to use the next debate, scheduled for October 15, to try to displace Biden as the inevitable challenger to Warren. But they can’t go after Biden directly. “People have already been burned by that stove,” he says. He says they will go after Warren, instead of Biden, in order to displace Biden as Warren’s challenger. It’s a subtle strategy. “It’s a little bit of a bank shot,” he continues, “but you’re going out to be the alternative to Elizabeth Warren. Elizabeth Warren, on today’s facts, has a spot at the Super Bowl. That could change. The trick here is for someone to basically say, ‘I am the person who can take on Elizabeth Warren. Let’s get down to the two of us or three of us.’” And what are his Wall Street brethren thinking about Warren? “They’re all whiny,” he says. “Every time they open their fucking mouths, they probably gain Warren another 50,000 votes.”

But another longtime Wall Street banker who has also been involved with Democratic politics has been impressed with Warren’s political skills. “She’s putting together a great campaign,” he says. “She has a great message. She’s resonating. She is smart politically, smarter than the rest of them.” He likes that she doesn’t “sugarcoat” things. And many parts of her message are resonating with him. In small groups, he says, she tones down her anti–Wall Street rhetoric and she’s becoming more moderate. “She’ll [now] put it differently,” he says, “which I don't disagree with, which is ‘Do you think our country would be better off if we had less inequality?’ Well, I can’t argue with that. Of course, the answer is yes.” He seems genuinely impressed by her. “I think she’s incredibly smart and much more reasonable towards what she wants to do for this country than people think,” he continues. “A lot of what she does is against my own personal interest, but I think she has the greater interest at heart. And I like that. Okay. And she does not talk crazy.” He thinks she can win if she focuses her message on having wealthy individuals pay higher taxes than they are now, rather than talking about remaking capitalism by attacking corporate America. (He also thinks Tom Steyer, the billionaire and former hedge fund manager, is someone to watch at the next debate.)

When he first started talking to people on Wall Street and in corporate America about Warren, their reaction was “Elizabeth Warren. Oh, my God, this is crazy. Forget it.” He doesn’t hear that anymore. “I hear, like, ‘Nah, might not be so great, but God, this guy Trump is killing me.” He talks to corporate CEOs across America. He says they are worried. “They are very worried about Donald Trump,” he says. “Where we are as a country, and what Donald Trump’s next term looks like. They get the uncertainty. The unpredictability. The craziness. The losing our station in the world.”

Somewhat incredibly, on Wall Street, Trump is now viewed as a worse choice than Warren. “The prospect of a 2020 election between Elizabeth Warren on the one hand and a lame duck Donald Trump on the other—scary as hell—has people nervous,” another senior Wall Street banker tells me. “It feels like it’s going to be a decision between sickness and death.” He’s hoping for political gridlock—a Warren victory with a Republican Senate or a Trump victory with a Democratic House—so neither person can really get much done legislatively. He says many of his Wall Street brethren think Warren would be worse than Trump, for them. “Trump has not declared war on Wall Street,” he says. “Wall Street hasn’t gotten damaged by Trump whereas they can feel the damage coming with Warren.”

He has a different point of view. “I think both Elizabeth Warren and Donald Trump are existential dangers to the United States, to what we stand for, to the pillars of our society, to the economic and political leadership internationally,” he says. “They’re both really dangerous to the United States. I happen to think that Trump is more dangerous. So when I have to pull the lever, I’d probably pull it for Elizabeth Warren and hope and pray that there is enough of a moderate middle in the legislative branch to prevent insane things from happening.”

[samusfairchild]

Occupational Haphazard, the Updatening

Part 1: Occupational Haphazard

Pardon me while I suck in a deep breath to prepare myself for this one.

Last time on Occupational Haphazard, I spoke about my situation with my job, how it was sucking the life out of me, how I was giving in to depression, how I felt useless, worthless, and how what my bosses were doing to me certainly wasn't helping. I ended on the sentiment:

    "But no, I have no idea what life has in store. They say "When it rains, it pours," and honestly I think this little pit is only going to keep getting worse before the sun comes out again. That's not be being a pessimist, that's me judging based on past trends.

Something inside of me kept hoping this wasn't true. It was like I had a dull spark inside, a pilot light with no fuel but a can-do attitude, just clicking away at the void. See, I think I knew at that point that work wasn't going to get better. That's why I started scraping a portfolio out of the garbage can that is my pile of work. That's why I started fervently applying for every relevant job that didn't immediately require me to show them a portfolio. If work wasn't going to get better, I had to make something get better before shit hit the proverbial fan.

However, part of me also knew I had to make something worse.

Back in July, (maybe early August, I don't remember the exact date) I was transferred to a new location to work more directly with NuBoss. The problem was I didn't really work so much as sit there and hope that I would get some work. Sure, they gave me a token assignment here and there, (including one that I was supposed to use to "wow" the powers-that-be and "really prove [my]self," a story in-and-of-itself) and I was able to fill the rest of the time with old projects that never really got finished, but there was never really anything to do. In fact, the one job that was supposed to be part of my job description was taken largely out of my hands by NuBoss for a reason that was never explained to me. He never even confronted me about it, just started doing it himself and reported to others that it was "his job."

This came suspiciously after a reprimand I received from him for asking my old boss what he wanted to do about a furniture order that couldn't be fulfilled before the show. I was told its my responsibility to take care of those problems, and I shouldn't be putting them on other people. This was news to me, but I moved on, spent the next 4+ hours sourcing an alternative, then presented the alternative to the relevant people, including the old boss. At this point, I was told "no, we were just going to use that thing we already have in stock."

Fucking news to me. I didn't even know we already had that in stock. Sure would have been nice if NuBoss let old boss tell me that before I wasted half a day sourcing something new.

NuBoss is really playing the Janus at this point. To my face, he's polite, has a sense of humor, attempts to seem forthcoming as possible. When he's not talking to me, however, he constantly complains about how much work he has to do, how it's a shame he has nobody who can help (yeah, I'm within earshot, jackass), and is constantly reporting every supposed slip-up to HR. Oh, hello panic attack. I didn't see you there. How are you doing this evening? No, I wasn't expecting you to visit I was just dkzjnf ljsnajrvlKSJN unqeoinp9t4h;KDFJNGKD JFNVPJNAVKJDNVAL~!!@!!!!@#@!$@#$!$

This rampant horseshittery put me in a very, very bad place. Bad enough that I actually had the brain-lapse to inform NuBossBoss that I was looking for another job. When he tried to "convince" me to stay, I made probably the biggest mistake I've ever made in my professional life.

I started talking to him about my mental health issues.

And I told him that there are mornings where I sincerely think about killing myself instead of coming to work.

He told me I need to seek help. I told him I am and have been for 2-3 years now, because of the shit this job has been doing to me, and it's only been getting worse.

Now, the stuff I've outlined here is maybe 1/10th of the crap that has actually happened since I got transferred to the new location. I can't count the times I've had anxiety attacks at my desk and have had to basically hide myself in a corner so nobody would see. I came here feeling useless, worthless, unwanted, overwhelmed, undervalued, and incredibly threatened. I've spent 3 months dealing with that daily.

Remember a couple paragraphs up when I mentioned that NuBoss was reporting every supposed slip-up to HR? What slip ups? Well, XXXX, of course. But hang on, I have this signed paper here from the CEO saying he wasn't taking away any of our benefits. I had YYYY at the old company, and surely never agreed to give it up. How can I XXX if I have YYY?

Apparently, I can be. As of last Friday, I was fired over it. No, I'm not going into all the details here. I'm just going to handwave past it, hoping I've painted an accurate enough picture of this company and myself that you can all probably guess where the truth lies. Suffice it to say there was a... specific issue.

I was stuck in this limbo of confusion for a few days after I got fired. I didn't know what to think. On one hand, they won, right? I was a dog they tried to keep on a leash, but I kept fighting it. They tightened the leash, I fought harder, and eventually, I just shook the collar off. Now I'm like a stray with nobody to feed me. On the other hand, what kind of dog wants to be collared to a short leash, tied to a tree, ignored, and have all their toys taken away?

This is where I go back to the "part of me also knew I had to make something worse" thing I mentioned earlier. See, I... could have been more cooperative. That's honestly the story of my life. I could have buckled down, bit the bullet, doped myself up until I stopped feeling, and done what they'd asked. I could have been there the exact 8 hours they wanted so I could listen to NuBoss tell everyone how much work he has, and how nobody is there to help him. I could listen to NuBossBoss talk about how good of a boss he is and how far he would stick his neck out for me "if only i would..." I could shuffle paperwork until the paper cuts killed me. I could make all those phone calls to nobody. I could have been that perfect little employee had I just done "XXXX," like NuBoss suggested.

I could have just turned off me for 55 hours every week, and I would still have a job.

Or I could have just made things worse so I could get started on making them better.

I didn't want to lose my job: that's not a way one wants to go. It feels a whole lot like you lost, no matter how the people closest to you go "oh thank god" when you tell them. The people closest to me aren't wrong: it's not completely a bad thing that I lost my job. A week out and I already feel healthier, both physically and mentally. I'm still panicking like crazy over things like my mortgage and car payments, feeding my dog AND NOW TAKING THAT MORON TO THE VET FOR WHATEVER HE DID TO HIS LEG. But these things that are wrong? They're my doing (not the dog's leg... I have no clue what he did), and goddamnit, I can undo them. I don't have to wait, I don't have to beg.

There is a lot to be said for controlling your environment in managing your depression and anxiety. There was a whole lot about my job that was simply out of control, and so much of my life suffered because of it. This isn't some magical panacea, but its also not the poison that I feared it would be while I still had a job. It irks me to think about how much I loved this job 7 years ago when I first got it. When I remember the joy I felt when I got the phone call offering me the position, when I think about actually being eager to go to work in the morning, about liking my coworkers and my bosses, I get this pang of... so many emotions. How this all wrapped up isn't right, but that's life. It's time to polish this turd of a portfolio and move on.  

[djgblogger-blog]

Americans are becoming more socially isolated, but they're not feeling lonelier

http://bit.ly/2rrFagD

Alone in the crowd, but not lonely. Realstock/shutterstock.com

Are Americans becoming lonelier?

On May 1, NPR reported on a survey about loneliness conducted by Cigna, a large health insurance company. Cigna asked over 20,000 American adults if they agreed with statements like “People are around me but not with me” and “No one really knows me well.” The survey found that younger Americans were lonelier than older Americans.

But while doing research for my upcoming book on empathy and social relationships, I found that the story is a bit more complicated than this.

How to study loneliness

The Cigna study is far too limited to tell us why young people appear to be lonelier. Is it because younger people are in a normal lonelier life stage before finding a partner and having children? Or is it because there have been generational increases in loneliness? The only way scientists could know if there have been generational changes would be to compare young people today to young people in earlier times.

The Cigna survey used the UCLA Loneliness Scale, one of the best available measures of loneliness. But just because a survey has 20,000 respondents doesn’t mean it’s high quality. Who were the respondents? Did they reflect the general U.S. population in terms of age, gender and other factors? Without more details about the survey methods, it’s hard to know how to interpret it.

Thankfully, some peer-reviewed studies have examined changes over time in loneliness and social isolation. Loneliness is the subjective feeling of social disconnection. Social isolation is more objective. It includes living alone, having very few social ties, not having people to confide in, and not spending time with others very often.

Although lonely people are sometimes more socially isolated, this is not always the case. It’s possible to feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. And it’s possible to have a few friends, enjoying deep connections with them along with times of solitude.

Research finds that loneliness and social isolation are equally bad for health. On average, people who report being lonely have a 26 percent increased risk of death compared to those who are not lonely. Those who live alone have a 32 percent increased risk of death, and those who are socially isolated have a 29 percent increased risk of death.

Loneliness over time

One study tracked changes in over 13,000 college students from 1978 to 2009. The researchers found that millennials actually reported less loneliness than people born earlier.

But since the study was on college students, the researchers wondered whether they would find these results in a more general American population. So, they tracked changes over time in a nationally representative sample of over 385,000 students high school students between 1991 to 2012.

In order to measure loneliness, participants were asked whether they agreed with statements that indicated loneliness, like “I often feel left out of things” and “I often wish I had more good friends.” Statements like “There is always someone I can turn to if I need help” and “I usually have a few friends around I can get together with” measured social isolation.

As in the first study, the researchers found students reported declines in loneliness over time. However, they actually found increases over time in social isolation.

This corresponds with nationally representative government data showing that the percentage of people in the U.S. who live alone nearly doubled from 7.6 percent in 1967 to 14.3 percent in 2017.

Americans also seem to have fewer confidantes. The average number of people that Americans say they can talk to about important things declined from 2.94 in 1985 to 2.08 in 2004.

Experiencing isolation

Taken together, this published research finds that young people in the U.S. may be more socially isolated in recent years, but are paradoxically becoming less lonely. There doesn’t appear to be an epidemic of loneliness, but perhaps there is one of social isolation.

It’s possible that socially isolated people are turning to social media to treat their feelings of loneliness. This could make them feel less lonely in the short run, but these connections can be more about quantity than quality. They aren’t necessarily the people Americans get together with in person or turn to when we need help. And people often use social media when they are actually alone in a room on a screen.

In my view, future research should try to better understand why there are different trends in loneliness versus isolation. But, since both are equally bad for our health, it’s important to nurture our connections with others – both online and off.

Sara Konrath has an active grant from the Corporation for National and Community Service (CNCS) on the topic of youth volunteering and economic outcomes. In addition, Sara Konrath is a paid consultant for OK Cupid, and volunteers on the advisory board of the Youth Philanthropy Initiative of Indiana (YPII) and the Center for Visual Arts and Empathy at the Minneapolis Institute of Art (Mia). None of these organizations were involved in any part of writing this article, and Dr. Konrath did not receive any compensation from them for writing it.

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There's a science-backed treatment for drug addiction that works — but it's nearly impossible to get

The death toll from the opioids epidemic continues to soar.

Experts say we already have a science-backed treatment that works: medication-assisted treatment, or MAT.

The problem, however, is that very few people can get it.

The death toll from the opioids epidemic continues to soar — nearly 64,000 people died in 2016 alone. Scientists are working to find creative tools to fight it, and President Donald Trump has called the overdose crisis a public health emergency. But he has not yet outlined any targeted solutions aside from calling for drug dealers to be given the death penalty.

A growing cadre of health professionals say we already have a science-backed treatment that works. It's called medication-assisted treatment, or MAT, and it involves administering FDA-approved medications that help curb cravings and reduce the excruciating symptoms of withdrawal.

"Medications are an effective treatment for opioid addiction," Kelly J. Clark, president of the American Society of Addiction Medicine, told Business Insider.

The problem is that very few people can get those medications.

Only about half of private-sector treatment programs for opioid use disorder currently offer access to MAT, and of those that offer it, only one third of patients actually receive the medication, according to a study published in the Journal of Addiction Medicine.

There are many reasons for this lack of access to medication. Some stem from a misconception about how the treatments — which can include buprenorphine, methadone, or naltrexone — work. The stigma surrounding drug use and addiction plays a role, too. Still other issues include federal and state laws that restrict the availability of the medications. 

"It's more of an implementation problem than a basic science problem," Clark said, "because we know what works."

Medications do not ‘substitute one drug for another'

In someone with opioid use disorder, using the drugs is often not a pleasurable experience, but rather a practice that has become a necessary fact of life. Being without the drugs leads to painful symptoms that can include severe nausea, shaking, diarrhea, and depression. The need to use is simultaneously a physical and emotional compulsion — the lines between those kinds of pain are blurred.

One of the main misconceptions about medication-assisted treatment is that medications simply replace the drugs that hooked users — leading to more highs and fueling a pattern of repeated use.

But that view is outdated and ill-informed, experts say. Instead, the drugs work by staunching cravings and reducing or preventing withdrawal and relapse. Buprenorphine and methadone help suppress cravings, while naltrexone blocks the euphoric and sedative effects of opioids so users don't experience a high.

"People ask me all the time, ‘well, aren't they just substituting one drug for another?' The answer is no. These are evidence-based treatments and they work," Patrice A. Harris, the former president of the American Medical Association and a board certified psychiatrist, told Business Insider.

Several large studies suggest that as access to MAT rises, drug overdose deaths fall. A study of heroin overdose deaths in Baltimore between 1995 and 2009 published in the American Journal of Public Health, for example, found a link between the increasing availability of methadone and buprenorphine and a roughly 50% decrease in the number of fatal overdoses.

"These treatments are life saving and they work," Sarah Wakeman, the medical director of the substance use disorder initiative at Massachusetts General Hospital and an assistant professor at Harvard, told Business Insider.

From jail to court to rehab, medication-assisted treatment is hard to find

Despite the evidence demonstrating MAT's effectiveness, it is surprisingly difficult to obtain.

One of the hardest-to-access forms of medication for recovery is methadone. In the US, the medication can only be accessed in specialized clinics; because of the way the treatment works, people on MAT must come to a facility to be injected daily. But those facilities typically have negative reputations because of policies that restrict them to locations considered seedy or run-down. And patients who come for treatment often have to push past active drug users — a big trigger for someone with substance use disorder — on their way to and from the clinic.

"You can access heroin pretty easily, yet we make it really hard to get a treatment that’s life-saving and allows you to live healthily," Wakeman said.

On Friday, the US Food and Drug Adminstration issued a new set of guidelines aimed at underlining the important role MAT should play treating opioid use disorder.

“Unfortunately, far too few people who suffer from opioid use disorder are offered an adequate chance for treatment that uses safe and effective medications,”commissioner Scott Gottlieb said.

Other countries take a very different approach to medication-assisted treatment that makes the treatments easier to obtain. In Canada, for example, methadone is distributed in pharmacies.

Rehabilitation facilities and courts in the US often don't offer medication-assisted treatment either. Instead, most operate on an abstinence-based model, in which patients must detox and then are offered counseling. They're  encouraged to attend 12-step meetings like Narcotics Anonymous, which remains opposed to MAT despite the growing body of evidence behind it.

Among staff at rehab centers across the US, many workers maintain the belief that the medication doesn't work and say clients will "abuse" medications. Stephanie Rogers, an intake coordinator at Talbott Recovery, an Atlanta-based addiction treatment center, told Business Insider that she "honestly believed" that MAT was "just substituting one drug for another."

This trend runs in sharp contrast to the way treatment for other conditions has changed based on new research. When it comes to type 2 diabetes, for example, a large body of scientific evidence demonstrated that the medication insulin helped curb the symptoms of the illness. Those findings prompted medical professionals across the country to uniformly endorse and offer it.

Even among rehab center workers who do understand the potential of medication-assisted treatment, many told Business Insider that their facilities aren't licensed to provide MAT in the first place. San Diego-based drug treatment center AToN, for example, lacks the proper licensing to provide methadone to patients, according to its program director.

Turning the tide requires buy-in from officials and medical providers

Some officials, including judges who preside over courts that see people brought in on drug offenses, are trying to update their policies to incorporate the most recent research on addiction treatment.

Judge Desiree Bruce-Lyle presides over several such courts at the Superior Court of San Diego County. She told Business Insider that she became convinced of the efficacy of MAT after attending an American Society of Addiction Medicine conference and speaking to some of its leaders, including Kelly Clark and vice president Penny S. Mills.

"I didn't believe in [MAT] until I met Penny and Kelly last year and they convinced me why it was a good thing and then I heard from a lot of the speakers that were attending that we needed to take a look at it," Bruce-Lyle said.

Still, out of roughly 50 participants in the reentry court that Bruce-Lyle helps oversees, only one or two are on MAT, she said. In their veterans court, which includes roughly 60 people, three or four are on MAT.

"I'd like to see more of it," Bruce-Lyle said, but added that she felt she'd need to convince key players at the court — including the Sheriff and other leaders — of the treatment's efficacy.

A handful of physicians and social workers are also helping to lead the charge by calling attention to the scientific evidence that shows MAT is more effective than an abstinence-only model. Wakeman, the assistant professor at Harvard, travels around the country giving presentations at conferences like the one that helped change Bruce-Lyle's mind.

"Medication-assisted treatment saves lives," Wakeman said. "You can also just call it 'treatment' and drop the two words in front of it."

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