#and like canonically so much creepy shit goes away if u take away the ''oh these tworandom bg characters had sandstorm'' thing

[vaugarde]

remember when people were swearing that mothpool was incest and awful because redtail was apparently sandstorm’s dad, something that was never portrayed in the books at all in any way, even when we got multiple spotlights on redtail and sandstorm after the erins said so, and in fact they retconned over that retcon so sandstorm has no canon parents and redtail never had a mate and kits.

and on top of that, the same people not saying a single word about bramblesquirrel even though they’re literally the same exact amount of related.... wonder what’s different about mothpool from bramblesquirrel. hm.

[vbee-miya]

[romantic matchup]

╒═ @peeshposheddie ═╛

𝙵𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚞𝚙 - 𝚁𝚘𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝙺𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚋𝚎

Okay hear me out. You collect mangas. He’s a manga artist? Please bruh this wasn’t intended is. This was destiny (I had a last minute realization) 

I feel like with Rohan he’d be a great cuddler. Headcanon, but when he’s in the middle of drawing a manga arc and you just want that attention he’d allow you to sit on his lap while he works at godspeed..

FKHAKDFJHD u cant tell me that's not cute. 

With your personality being hyperactive he’d find that not necessarily adorable, but he’d definitely want you by his side for a manga character inspo, because you seem, well very lively. 

He doesn’t really like distractions while he works, but boy oh boy when it comes to you, he listens to what you want, say, need, etc. 

He thinks the way you cope with your ADHD is interesting and sometimes when you bombard yourself with tons of other stuff he’d watch in the distance perhaps leaning on a door while you're busy playing horror like games.

Speaking of which when you’re really into the game and he can tell he’d just grab his sketch book and try to sketch every reaction you have in god like speed.  

Being a manga artist can be difficult especially since so many across the world read his mangas and he has two fanboys living in the neighborhood. A good nap is what he needs. 

He won’t often take naps, but if he feels like he’s done enough drawing he’ll most definitely join you. 

I feel like he won’t be a fan of hikes. He doesn’t seem like an outdoorsy person ya know?

But a stroll in the town? Hell ya!

You’d most likely be the dominant one in this relationship (yes this can go for both ways. Depending on how you interpret it) 

With your child-like personality he’s like a mother to you. You love to clean, he'll clean with you AND your stuff. 

Can’t cook? Pfft please this man will cook you high quality Gordan Ramsey cuisines.

I feel like when he cooks it’ll be similar to him writing the manga, he’s always trying to come up with different ideas. New inspirations. 

One time you both went to Trattoria Trussardi and the moment you both went back home you’d see him try to attempt it. Wasn’t the best compared to Tonio’s, but it iz what it iz ya know. 

⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹

I feel like the down side to the relationship is that he wouldn’t understand your phobia or why you hate bugs. Scream that there’s a bug don’t worry he’ll grab it, but i’m telling you luv run away from him like asap. Cus that man will dissect the insect. Of course for more realistic reasons being a manga artist. “I don’t understand Y/N. The fluids coming out now the lifeless creature is natural. What’s so scary about it? It’s just reality.” “Are you kidding me?! Rohan THE REALITY IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE VOMIT!!” 

𝚂𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚞𝚙 - 𝙳𝚒𝚘 𝙱𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘

...We don’t talk about the vampire Dio..Cuz he’sssssssssssssss - kinda funky. 

But it doesn't matter. Dio is Dio. 

Let’s start off with your interesting source of weaponry collections. 

Sure you’ll show them off here and there, but Dio? Nah. (word of warning, it’s best if he doesn’t know about that) But if he does Just know…..If you see some of them missing it’s most likely because he’s gone mad and is now using them for very Illegal reasons, BUT since he's a vampire stand user. Nothing can stop him. 

You love horror? SAY LESS! Living with him is like a horror movie. This isn’t your normal horror simulation game. 

Please bruh, he lives in the dark and shadows. And he’s kinda creepy. But attractive. Still creepy. 

You say you’re good at cleaning? Let’s just say uhhh...maid dress. Definitely not canon or fanon idfk really. But he’d most definitely love to see u in one. Catch him sitting  in the shadows cross legged as you clean. 

Definitely not creepy at all. 

AYO tell me why I can see him being the dominant one in this relationship. 

Cuz he is. This man will have the upper hand in everything. Even in a relationship. 

When Dio isn’t batshit crazy I hate the way I’m feeling about him, but vampy Dio would most definitely give the best cuddles. 

It’s just y’all two in the dark room, you on his chest (he’s most definitely gonna be shirtless) but he’ll drag his fingers down your spine giving you chills that’ll make you shuffle just a little closer to him thus resulting in him pulling you closer. 

I hate that I just wrote that. I really do. Anyways he’ll whisper shit like “I’ll make sure we can stay like this forever.” Please bruh, he’ll have a deep raspy like voice. Tell me he won't I dare you. 

CHILE ANYWAYSSSS SSSOOOOOOOOOO

⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹

Downside is that you’re not very into PDA. Too bad he is. He barely goes out in the day so then when he does it'll be night time, even so who in the hell would see y’all kissing in the pits of the moonlight on top of a building or roof. No one…

But wait what about young Dio? Ya...loads of PDA. Most definitely in front of Jonathan Joestar. 

So that’s your pick Young Dio or Vampy Dio

On the contrary...You’ll definitely be getting loads of praises & he’d make sure you’d know he’s dead serious about them. 

𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚞𝚙 - 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝙰𝚋𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚘

This man I’m not even going to get into it. He really just doesn’t seem like the romantic type to me. 

Even if he is I’d find it hard for him to keep up with your hyperactive personality.

He’d think collecting things is just child's play and that you should do other things besides that. Oh not to mention, but he wouldn’t understand why you’d be so scared to watch a horror movie, but yet play such games. It wouldn’t be logical to him. 

He’d think the way you cope with your anxiety is strange, but intriguing. 

It’ll just annoy him. You’ll be doing one thing then suddenly you’re onto something new. “Y/N just stick with one task. It’s not that hard.” ���But it’s a way to help co-” “I said what I said.” This mf will just leave not giving a shit on what you’d say. 

Praises? Nah it’ll just be him spitting borderline insulting comments. 

Nice One KaTarA. 

⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹⊹

Plus side to the relationship...there really isn’t anything he’d just find you irritating. Probably when you’re sleeping? That’s when the house would be very quiet and who knows mayhaps this man does have a change of heart. If you’re asleep on the couch expect to wake up in the bed all tucked up nicely. With food ready to be served. 

Either that I'm not really seeing that much romantic value with Leone Abbicchio just in general. 

Again another really fun request. Hope you enjoyed your results @peeshposheddie. Sorry if I might’ve left any blanks. Or if the characters weren’t who you’d hope to get m(_ _)m

——————

For those who are still waiting please be patient. I've had a pretty busy schedule and workload. DM me if your request has been pending for about a month now.

𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚎𝚌𝚔 𝙼𝚢 𝙽𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 (𝙿𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝙿𝚘𝚜𝚝) 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚄𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜

[akechicrimes]

Prompt 37? Futaba and Akechi platonic/Futago siblings?

37. “Follow me. It’s okay, just hold my hand.”

after akira leaves tokyo, futaba does just fine without her key item, except for when she doesnt.

(one of them AUs were goro survives the engine room and rejoins the phantom thieves. no i will not explain. persona 5 canon AND persona 5 royal do not interact. for reference in this universe futaba and akechi are half siblings but only akechi knows that)

*

“Next time you see me, I’ll be a whole new person,” Futaba tells Akira excitedly on his second-to-last day in Tokyo. “I’m going back to school, I’m out and about by myself—oh! Oh! Did I tell you I said yes to Kosei? I told Kosei I wanted to go to Shujin and they offered me scholarship! And I went to the subway station by myself yesterday!”

They’re crammed into Akira’s Leblanc attic, sitting around a cake that literally none of them were capable of baking themselves, so they’d bought the thing from a bakery and decorated it with little black and red hearts. Ryuji is passing around his gross soda, while Ann is recounting some story that doesn’t matter with incredible enthusiasm. Makoto looks like she’s determined to enjoy herself and will hear no argument.

The whole thing is incredibly morbid, if you ask Futaba. It feels less like they’re waiting for Akira to leave Tokyo and more like they’re attending Akira’s funeral. Akechi in particular looks like he’s regretting attending, which honestly tickles Futaba more than it should, that the most dishonest Phantom Thief seems to be the only one looking as honestly put-off by the entire affair as everyone else is determined not to be.

That’s everyone else’s problem. Futaba might not be happy Akira has to leave, but she’s proud. She’s sad that Akira has to leave, but also she promised Akira that by the time that he had to leave, she’d be able to get around on her own, without clinging to him for support. And she is able. She kept her promise.

Tomorrow might be the day that Akira has to go, but today is the day that Futaba is Officially Recovered.

Akira does that annoying thing he does where he puts his hand on her head and messes up all her hair, like he’s a human cat showing affection by pissing everyone off. Futaba yelps. “Look at you. You don’t need me at all.”

“I told you that I’d be ready to say goodbye by the time you had to go back to your hometown,” says Futaba. “I haven’t broken my promises yet, have I?”

There’s a burst of laughter from Haru over something Yusuke said, who looks rather surprised to discover that he said anything funny. Both Makoto and Akechi snicker at him, and then stop immediately to glare at each other the second they realize they’ve accidentally wound up sharing an opinion.

Akira ignores them. “Well, you can still text me if you need me. Or call.”

“I’m trying to tell you I’m getting better and I don’t need you,” Futaba grumbles. “Also, what kind of psychopath do you think I am to call someone on the phone?”

“That’s what phones are for.”

“Calling people is scary.”

“I thought you were getting better?” Akira teases.

“I am!” she says, pointing a finger at him. “I am! Just you watch, Akira. I’m getting better every day.”

*

Six months after joining Kosei, Futaba locks herself in her room and does not reemerge for seven days straight.

*

She tells Sojiro that she’s sick. Sojiro tells the school that Futaba told him that she’s sick. She definitely fakes a hell of a good cough, and the school lets Yusuke send her her all the homework that she was supposed to be doing in the first place, but Futaba already knows it’s only a matter of time before Sojiro rats on her, and she won’t even blame him because it’ll be for her own good.

In the meantime, she has stashes of crackers and peanut butter from back when she was a full-time hermit. She hates the taste of peanut butter within three days. Her bed is a relief, soft like a home she never left, up until it isn’t anymore. It’s too soft. No matter how she lies on it, no matter how soft it is, a mattress just isn’t comfortable when you’ve been lying on it for seventy-four hours. It’s hot. Smothering. She feels like she’s going to drown in the blankets and they’ll have to fish her moldy, sweaty corpse out of the bottomless quicksand pit of her too-soft mattress.

The thing about being a shut-in is that you don’t actually like your room very much. It’s not a relief, or an oasis, or even a place you enjoy. You’re just terrified of everywhere else more.

She plays a lot of video games that she doesn’t even like. She watches a lot of Twitch streamers she doesn’t even like. She doesn’t do her homework. She ignores Sojiro. She pretends she’s alright to everyone who texts. She wakes up and goes to sleep and thinks about going outside and goes to sleep and wakes up and wonders if the whole last year and her cautious baby steps back into the world outside was all just a hazy dream.

*

There aren’t a lot of Thieves left in Tokyo, weirdly. Haru and Makoto both graduated, off doing business and law junk that honestly makes Futaba’s brains want to crawl out her ears, but all the numbers check out and Haru’s not in the red yet, and Futaba’s looked at enough people’s dirty laundry to appreciate Haru’s clean ledger. Akira’s back in his dinky hicktown, where there’s barely anything electronic connected to Wifi worth breaking into for surveillance, which is really boring.

Ann’s been doing so many modeling gigs that she might as well not be attending Shujin anymore. She’s practically surrounded by electronics, and all of them are connected to the internet. On any given day, Futaba can snoop through the internet trail of electronic file cabinets full of images of her face, emails about her face, paychecks for her face. Futaba sends Ann more than one email about creepy old dudes making gross comments about her, along with a bunch of other illegal shit they’ve done, plus their offshore accounts full of cash if Ann wants Futaba to sic a lawyer on them.

Ann looks like she’s having fun. Ann looks different on the other side of the computer screen, like she’s less real. Like she’s not someone Futaba really knows. Like Ann’s not someone Futaba’s literally cried on at one point in her life.

Ryuji is definitely attending Shujin, but between physical therapy, catching up on a whole year of track, athletic scholarship hunting, and studying for college admissions tests, Ryuji seems to have been swallowed whole by Shujin, really. Out of boredom, one day, Futaba went down that rabbit hole of researching what it takes to get recruited for track in college, and holy shit–apparently Ryuji’s coach was supposed to be helping him with that whole process, but of course Ryuji barely has a proper coach ever since Kamoshida left Shujin’s track program in pieces. The amount of networking he’s doing is insane, especially for one teenaged boy who barely remembers his homework every night.

Sometimes, when Ryuji’s forgotten to check his email in a while and there’s a message from a coach sitting in his inbox, Futaba will send him a text to make him check it. And then it’s all, What were you doing looking at my emails, Futaba and Which of my other passwords do you know, Futaba, as if Ryuji doesn’t just use the same password over and over and has literally nobody but himself to blame.

So it’s really just Futaba, Yusuke, and–weirdly–Akechi, who’s off doing his gap year and said he was going to go abroad, but then he never did. Not to be a huge snoop, but Futaba went digging through his junk for about five seconds and then she never did it again, because she felt really weird about finding out that the guy that killed her mom is looking into social work, volunteerism, and reforming the justice system.

Like. The man who killed the Thieves’ leader is now literally out there saving orphans. It’s wild.

She might’ve been the one to tell Akechi that he can start over again and do better, but she reserves the right to at least feel weird about it.

She does not call Akira. She talks to Yusuke at school, but she refuses to ask him to accompany her on the subway. She should be recovered by now, shouldn’t she? She was supposed to have gotten over all that when Akira left Tokyo. She’s doing fine. She’s just looking out for her friends. Her, living vicariously through her friends, who’re growing up and growing away, flourishing into young adults? Never.

*

Everything is the same.

*

Didn’t she help kill a god last year?

Didn’t she work so hard to get out of her room, to make friends, to reconnect with Kana-chan?

Didn’t she work so hard to change herself?

Didn’t she help change the world?

*

Everything is the same.

*

Tuesday, 1:43 PM

YUSUKE: Futaba?

FUTABA: yo inari

FUTABA: u got more homework for me or what

YUSUKE: Ah, no.

YUSUKE: I think your teacher finds it suspicious that I’m sending you homework when I’m not in your grade, as it is.

FUTABA: oh no

FUTABA: what a shame that we didn’t have an entire year of experience with getting away with wildly illegal magic brain crimes without raising any suspicion

FUTABA: truly emailing me like four pieces of paper a day is far too difficult

YUSUKE: Well, I can’t get your homework from your teacher, but I can give you more homework if you’d like.

FUTABA: ok bucko that wasn’t a challenge

YUSUKE: There’s a math problem set that’s been incredibly dull to get through when I have more important pieces I could be working on…

FUTABA: inari im sorry to say but

FUTABA: me literally doing your homework for you is about a thousand times more illegal than you giving me my homework when ur not in my grade

YUSUKE: Oh, is it?

FUTABA: wh

FUTABA: are y

FUTABA: what do you mean OH IS IT

FUTABA: did you not KNOW ur not allowed to have other ppl do ur hw????

FUTABA: inari have u been making other people do ur hw for u so u can have more time to do art?????????

FUTABA: no shut up i dont want to know

FUTABA: i will not be ur accomplice

FUTABA: i see ur little speech bubble thingamajig yusuke i said stop typing forever and ever

YUSUKE: I can’t invite you to the art gallery tomorrow if I can’t type.

YUSUKE: It also seems impractical for you to outlaw me from texting forever.

FUTABA: i literally did not say that

YUSUKE: You said, and I quote,

YUSUKE: “Yusuke, I said stop typing forever and ever.”

FUTABA: ok i know it looks like i said that but please im begging u it’s literally just an exaggeration

YUSUKE: As Makoto would say, it’s hardly an enforceable law.

FUTABA: u literally texted my sick and crusty ass just to give me a hard time

YUSUKE: Are you about recovered from your cold?

FUTABA: and now u have the nerve to ask me to go to ur art show thing

YUSUKE: I didn’t say that.

FUTABA: oh really

FUTABA: what were u gonna ask me about then

YUSUKE: The art show, naturally.

YUSUKE: But you could have done me the courtesy of letting me ask.

FUTABA: all that on the day of my daughter’s wedding and now u want me to do u a solid

FUTABA: well i have news for u

FUTABA: the answer

FUTABA: is yeah

FUTABA: sure why not

YUSUKE: Oh, excellent.

YUSUKE: I thought that you might decline on account of your illness.

FUTABA: i’m not a punk bitch

FUTABA: i’m going

FUTABA: u were only working all those paintings for like two months i wanna see their oily faces in person

YUSUKE: Just because they were made with oil paints does not mean that they are oily.

FUTABA: cant wait to see my oily boys

YUSUKE: Unfortunately, I have to set up the event beforehand, so I will not be able to accompany you on the way here.

YUSUKE: Will you be alright by yourself?

FUTABA: uh

FUTABA: hmm

FUTABA: how oily are these boys in case i need to call a rain check

YUSUKE: Hmm.

YUSUKE: Perhaps someone else can go with you.

YUSUKE: Let me see if I can find someone.

FUTABA: what like one of ur art friends

FUTABA: i’m not going with anyone i dont know sry

YUSUKE: I’ll keep it in mind.

Tuesday, 1:59 PM

YUSUKE: Unfortunately, Ann and Ryuji were not available. Both of them will be coming late to the art show.

YUSUKE: Fortunately, Goro is.

FUTABA: whomst

YUSUKE: Goro Akechi?

YUSUKE: Crow, in case you know multiple Goro Akechis.

FUTABA: no like why u callin him goro

YUSUKE: I asked him if I could and he said yes.

YUSUKE: There’s not many people left in Tokyo who were part of the Thieves.

YUSUKE: I’m not exactly popular at school myself, so I thought it prudent to hold onto the connections I already had.

FUTABA: hhhhhhhhhhhhh

FUTABA: but why him……………………………………….

YUSUKE: Has he done something wrong?

YUSUKE: Well.

YUSUKE: Besides the obvious.

YUSUKE: Last I heard, you were quite vocally supportive of Goro making a change for the better,but have you prehaps reconsidered?

FUTABA: i mean he’s always been nice to me

FUTABA: like even before he was on the team as crow

FUTABA: and then later after he like lost his shit and tried to kill us

FUTABA: he was also like weirdly nice

FUTABA: even if he was dressed as a tokusatsu villain

FUTABA: but

FUTABA: i

FUTABA: ok this is gonna sound really weird but like

FUTABA: you know how i said that the person to take me to the art show has to be someone that i know

YUSUKE: Yes.

FUTABA: even though akechi was one of the thieves at the end

FUTABA: i feel like i dont really know him

FUTABA: he like had that whole breakdown where he spilled all his kylo ren sadstuck junk and then he peeled his dumb ass up off the floor and then we beat up his dad in a dark alley

FUTABA: and then i guess akira likes him a bunch and hangs out with him and i guess probably talked to him about all that stuff that happened

FUTABA: and also i think ann talks to him

FUTABA: and also haru i think for some reason……………………..

FUTABA: but like i feel like. we as a group. never really uhhhhhhh

FUTABA: got to know him very well i guess

FUTABA: because he spent like the whole year being a fake ass bitch

FUTABA: and then by the time he wasnt, the thieves were busy literally fighting god, and it was all business business business

FUTABA: ughghfhg i guess this is just a really long way of saying that like yeah ok i guess i do know him but i dont think i really do

FUTABA: even when he was off the shits in the engine room it was like

FUTABA: somehow that was not……………………………….. really him

FUTABA: idk maybe this is just my Thoughts but like

FUTABA: idk some people are like “your true self is who you are at your worst” and

FUTABA: yeah maybe you are some PART of urself when youre at your worst but like

FUTABA: also not???

FUTABA: that can’t be it

FUTABA: that’s not ALL of you

FUTABA: so all i ever saw was him when he was being a fake ass barbie prince and then when he was like actively losing his shit

FUTABA: and both of those were like. two types of fake ass barbie prince

FUTABA: except obviously the one where he started screamin about murder and trying to kill joker was like, fake ass serial killer barbie prince

FUTABA: anyway i dont buy it for a second that seeing akechi at his worst means that i know the first thing about his “”“”“”“”“true self”“”“”“”“”“”“

FUTABA: like i know that i technically met him but also at the same time i dont think ive ever really actually met this dude

FUTABA: uh tldr what’s the truth crowboy

FUTABA: second tldr do you got anyone else i can go to the art show with because im not unpackin all that junk in the trunk while also trying to fend off a panic attack in the subway

YUSUKE: Well, to speak to "what’s the truth, crowboy,” I’d say he’s actually really funny.

FUTABA: WHAT

YUSUKE: Yes, actually.

FUTABA: YOU TRYNA TELL ME YOU SHARE A SENSE OF HUMOR W AKECHI

YUSUKE: As everyone knows, I don’t have a sense of humor.

YUSUKE: But if I did, that might not be inaccurate to say.

YUSUKE: Either way, we could ask Boss if he’ll take you to school.

FUTABA: no

FUTABA: im not makin him shut down leblanc for the day just cause i cant get my shit together

FUTABA: and i go to school by myself all the time now i dont need to be walked there by my dad like a four yr old

FUTABA: r u sure u dont have anyone else who can take me

YUSUKE: You said it had to be someone you know.

YUSUKE: I can take you.

YUSUKE: But I’ll be getting to Kosei early to prepare.

FUTABA: how early is early

YUSUKE: Four in the morning.

FUTABA: PLEASE INARI

YUSUKE: The people you know is a quite limited pool, Futaba.

FUTABA: shut the hell ur face i dont need u tellin me to make kosei friends too

FUTABA: i get my butt to school every day i’m already a hero

FUTABA: ok alright

FUTABA: crow-san it is

FUTABA: hhh

FUTABA: no shut up stop typing i’m fine

FUTABA: i already saw his dumb ass get inflicted with Horny from Yaldy God Himself i ain’t afraid of no crows

FUTABA: actually now that i remember that that was pretty funny mwehehehehehehe

FUTABA: OKAY send me the who what when where why

YUSUKE: There’s a PDF flier. I’ll send it to you.

YUSUKE: But I will have to type the email to send it to you.

FUTABA: oh my GOD inari

FUTABA: i swear to god ur not actually this dense and youre just pretending u dont know what an exaggeration is just to drive me up the wall

YUSUKE: Oh, that is a possibility, isn’t it?

FUTABA: WH

YUSUKE: Ah, last period is starting. I’ll have to talk to you later.

FUTABA: WHAT

FUTABA: NO WAIT

FUTABA: HELLO????

FUTABA: YUSUKE NO COME BACK

Tuesday, 2:53 PM

FUTABA: YUSUKE HAVE YOU BEEN MAKING AKECHI DO UR HW FOR U SO YOU CAN DO MORE ART??

FUTABA: IS THAT WHY UR ON A FIRST NAME BASIS W HIM

FUTABA: ANSWER ME STRINGBEAN

*

In Futaba’s opinion, there’s an infinite amount of more embarrassing reasons to pull yourself out of your depression pit than “I needed to yell at my friend for being a snotty bastard,“ and there’s worse escorts to have than the weird guy who went from being a professional murderer to their weird awkward friend. Firstly, if there’s anything that can motivate Futaba Sakura, it’s the primal urge to dunk on her friends for spite and memes. Secondly, there’s no chance in hell Futaba’s going to have a breakdown in front of Akechi.

She can do this. She got herself out of this grave once; she can do it again. Even if Akira isn’t here. She’s getting better. She promised him.

On the eighth day of her almost-return to hermithood, Akechi texts her:

AKECHI: I’m here.

AKECHI: Are you ready to go?

Futaba is wearing only an old shirt, no bra, sweats, and vaguely greasy hair from all the showers she’s skipped.

FUTABA: i’m SO ready

FUTABA: the readiest

FUTABA: ultra mega super ready

FUTABA: featherman ranger code name Ready

AKECHI: Oh.

AKECHI: Alright.

Hell yes alright. Time for Futaba to save her own life from her gravesite of a room.

With… Goro Akechi. Wow, life is weird, huh?

She drags on her Kosei uniform like a skin discarded long ago. It feels stiff. Maybe because it feels wrong to wear school clothes like a functioning human; maybe because she just hasn’t washed it in a week. The very idea of explaining herself to Sojiro stresses her out, so she doesn’t do it. The idea of not explaining herself to Sojiro, when he deserves an explanation and also would probably have a heart attack if he realized that she’d disappeared from her room without his knowing, also stresses her out, so she still doesn’t explain herself to Sojiro.

I told Akira I’m better now. I can do this. I did this for more than six months. I was out of my room in the real world, I went to the school festival, I changed my own heart…

She creeps down the stairs like a thief in her own house and pokes her head out the door. Goro Akechi is fiddling with his phone in the sun outside her house, looking like he, too, has only just managed to pull on his Human Suit and look like a guy who didn’t make shadows beg for mercy for fun, so it looks like this whole expedition is going to be a lot of fun.

"Futaba-chan?” says Akechi, only just noticing her lurking in her own doorway. “It’s been a while since we last saw each other. How are you?”

Futaba opens her mouth. No noise comes out.

Akechi’s eyebrows slowly begin to knit together.

“I’m good,” she says squeakily. Clears her throat. Holy shit, she’s not afraid of Akechi after all that junk they went through in the Metaverse. She saw him as a rat. She saw him visibly want to break his father’s face when Shido tried to apologize to him on live TV. Once, Makoto and Akechi got into an unironic, passionate, hour-long argument about whether or not it’s beneficial to color code your notes.

“I’m alright!” Futaba announces louder, maybe a little loudly, considering the way he looks only more concerned. “L-Let’s hurry up and get this sidequest over with!”

She pulls her hoodie over her head and jams her hands into the pockets and makes herself as small as possible and inches out of the doorway. “If you… say so,” says Akechi, and eventually matches her incredibly slow pace as she shuffles her way towards the main street.

When the noise of Yongen-Jaya’s street hits her, her heart rate (already high as hell) spikes even higher like the first day she’d come out of her room, but the old coping mechanisms come back like second nature: Breathe slower, avoid eye contact, remember her mission, stick to the sides of the streets. Breathe slower. She’s still got it. It’s still hard, but she’s got a whole arsenal of ways to deal. She can do this. She will kick Yusuke’s ass for being a dick, if only out of sheer spite.

If Akira were here, I could hide behind him and…

No, shut up, shut up. All she has is her hoodie and Goro Akechi. Akira’s not here. She can do this by herself.

Akechi makes precisely two attempts at small talk (“How has Kosei been?” “Have you seen the pieces Yusuke submitted to the art show before?”) before he realizes that Futaba isn’t going to respond by virtue of barely holding onto her shit by her fingernails. He shuts up and sticks close by. Futaba makes her way down the streets towards the subway like walking on a tightrope. The subway station isn’t busy, but she puts every step in front of her like she’s going to fall. Getting on the subway might as well be a highwire. Futaba and Akechi wait for the train in mutual silence to the sound of other commuters murmuring amongst themselves, like a toothless echo of Mementos’s depths.

When they get on the train, people around her are quiet, thank god, but all of a sudden she’s convinced that she smells because she hasn’t taken a shower in literal days, and she tries to pack herself into her seat as tightly as possible. The guy in front of her is scrolling through something at a ferocious pace and his thumbnail keeps hitting the screen with this incessant clack, clack, clack noise. The subway voice announces their next station as the doors begin to close, and a girl suddenly sits bolt upright, having realized that this is her station after all, and bangs Futaba’s knees hard as she passes. Futaba wants to curl her legs to her chest, but she’s wearing Kosei’s uniform skirt and it’d just make everyone stare at her if she did that on the subway. She curls her fingers into the skirt hem. She stares down at her knees and lets her hair drape around her like a curtain. She can do this. She can do this. Breathe slower. Even slower. I did this for more than six months, I told Akira I’m better now, I changed my own heart…

Akechi pulls out his phone. Futaba’s phone buzzes.

AKECHI: Are you alright?

FUTABA: i said i was ready dude

Akechi types and retypes an answer, which technically Futaba could just look over his arm and read, but instead Futaba flips through apps on her phone and pulls up a shitty mobile dungeon crawler. She dies four times before Akechi puts his phone away without sending anything.

They pass multiple stations like that. Futaba sure as hell hopes that Akechi’s watching which station they’re on, because she isn’t. After the millionth time she dies, Futaba just closes the app altogether. Concentration’s shot. Can’t focus on anything. Heartbeat’s too loud. Breathing’s too loud. The guy next to her is breathing too loud. Everything is too loud.

New text:

AKECHI: Yusuke said you’d recovered from your cold, but you still look a little unwell.

Futaba doesn’t respond to that. She doesn’t need Negative Nancy over here telling her she’s gonna crack. Because she isn’t gonna. The subway starts to slow, and the voice announces the station for Yusuke’s school. She’s literally almost there, she’s right there, she might die in three seconds because her heart is going to pound of her chest but at least she’s going to make it, she promised Akira that she was alright—

The subway doors open. Passengers stand to get off. Akechi stands up. Futaba drops like a rock.

“I can’t,” Futaba’s voice says. She sounds like she’s crying. “I can’t, I can’t do it, I—”

“Futaba—”

“I’m can’t do it, I—”

She buries her face in her knees on the dirty subway floor. Oh, she really is crying. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t…”

Around her, people’s feet stop moving. They’re staring at her. She’s crying on the subway and everyone is staring at her. “Shh,” says Akechi, like Futaba doesn’t know she’s being a loud and irritating pest, but then he takes off his winter coat and covers her with it. Suddenly everything goes dark. It’s a huge coat, too; it wraps around her whole torso with enough room to spare to cover her entire head. Inside, it’s like she’s back in her room, only listening to the sounds of real life somewhere on the other side of a computer monitor, where it can’t hurt her. It’s so surprising she hiccups to a stop. Two hands pull her up by the shoulders and guide her to stand. “Up. Let’s go.”

“Is she okay?” says a voice.

Futaba’s entire body seizes with fear. She ducks into her own knees, trying to disappear.

“Hey, little girl, are you alright?”

“She’ll be fine,” says Akechi’s friendly, super fake ass barbie prince voice. “My sister just had a hard day. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“A hard day?” Now the stranger’s voice is accusatory.

“For your information, our dog was recently brutally run over in front of her eyes.”

“Young man, are you serious right now?”

“Oh, yes. There was blood everywhere. Its intestines squelched horribly under the tires less than six feet away from her,” Akechi goes on. Futaba chokes, and then hiccups in what she realizes is almost a laugh. “Please excuse her. Thank you.” And before the literal complete stranger can follow up on that awful statement, Akechi takes her hand and pulls her up.

Futaba stumbles to her feet. If she has to take the coat off right now, she will actually die.

“It’s okay. Just hold my hand and follow me.”

Blindly, she lets him lead her out of the subway, weaving through people with only minimal contact with other people’s shoulders. There’s a whole awkward period where Akechi has to walk her up the stairs out of the subway station while she can’t see anything, but eventually the noise and bustle of other people around her seems to die away, and the air grows cooler in the way it does in the shadows between city buildings. Then they stop walking altogether. When Akechi lets go of her hand, she almost tries to grab it back before she catches herself.

“Okay. There’s nobody else around, now. It’s safe.”

Futaba doesn’t come out of the jacket. In the dark, her eyes dart back and forth, trying to see even as she blinds herself.

“Sorry for grabbing you so suddenly like that,” Akechi’s voice goes on after it becomes obvious she’s not going to come out.

Futaba wipes snottily at her own face. Oh, this is so gross, she’s got snot and tears on top of five days worth of grime and body juice because she hadn’t taken a shower. She’s disgusting. She really actually wants to die right now. She can’t show her face like this.

“Er,” says Akechi. “Do you want…. water, or…?”

Futaba folds up right there on the city pavement, probably dragging Akechi’s nice coat all over a dirty alleyway. She tucks her face into her knees, where she feels safest, and pulls the coat flaps even tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“I’m sorry for not being okay,” she mumbles.

There’s a short silence. “You really don’t have to be.”

“I do,” Futaba says. She feels like she’s nine years old again, a petulant kid who needs to hold people’s hands and be escorted around Tokyo. “This is—it’s stupid, and I can’t believe I-I’m still doing this, a-and even a-after everything that h-happened last year, I’m still just a… I’m still…”

“It’s fine,” says Akechi. Even he sounds overwhelmed, and at the first sound of weakness, she pulls the coat off her head and glares at him furiously, red-faced and covered in tears and snot and gross depression juice crust and all.

“I’m not supposed to be this way anymore!” she says miserably. “I’m supposed to be better! Moved on! Doing literally a-anything else but crying over t-taking a subway! It’s stupid and nobody else is like this and I just want to be over this already and I just want to be better already and—!“

She covers her face with her hands again. God, even when she says that, it sounds pathetic.

After a moment or two, she hears Akechi moving again. She peeks at him. He’s crouching in almost the exact same pose as her, looking like he’s resigning himself to neither getting his coat back, nor moving from this spot any time soon, nor getting to Yusuke’s art show on time, but also looking archly and entirely unperturbed about it. Actually, it looks like he’s writing a work email on his phone.

Futaba was right about being in an alleyway, but it’s so cold because they’re shielded by a trio of vending machines selling canned coffee and wrapped sandwiches. "Our dog was recently run over?” she says.

“People can mind their own damn business,” says Akechi in his Pleasant Boy Voice, without looking up from his email.

“He was just trying to help.”

“Oh, yes, let’s help the crying girl by crowding her and suffocating her in a crush of public transit.”

Futaba snorts. “That was really mean of you.”

“Oh, absolutely,” says Akechi.

Futaba sucks a truly disgusting gob of snot into her nose. “Ugh. I wish I could’ve seen the guy’s face when you told him that.”

“It was like I’d spat on his shoes. I should’ve kept going. Or had a camera.”

“Futaba giggles wetly into her forearms. "Like one of those—those prank videos online… Get Yusuke to film it.”

“Yusuke, as the cameraman? I’m not trying to make a documentary.” Akechi flips to a different screen on his phone. “I already texted Yusuke about our poor dead dog, by the way, so don’t worry about it.”

Suddenly Futaba feels like literal garbage again. “Why are you always so nice to me?” she mumbles.

Akechi makes a weird face, like he’s trying to do his old Pleasant Boy shtick while having swallowed a lemon whole. “You say that like me being nice is somehow unusual.”

“Uh, yeah. Because it is. You literally were just being a huge asshole to a guy you’d never met over a fictional dog.”

Akechi has this increasingly disgruntled look on his face like he kind of wants to punt Futaba down some stairs, which, frankly, is the best sort of reward, in Futaba’s opinion. “I’m working on it,” he says grumpily.

“How’s that been?” says Futaba.

“Which part?”

Futaba has one whole moment of self reflection on this idea as maybe not a good course of action before she barrels on anyway: “The part where you’re turning your life around. Starting over. Trying again.”

“It sucks dick,” says Akechi.

“Oh, right on,” says Futaba, and then before she can stop herself: “Wait, I thought you liked dick?”

Akechi makes a noise like a strangled cat.

Futaba cackles. “Dude, incognito mode when you’re browsing for porn does not save you from people like me.”

“Have you been spying on me?”

“Uh, yes? Obviously?”

“You know you could get arrested for that sort of breach in privacy.”

“Oh, boo hoo, so sorry I know all about your weird orphan-saving night job and your smutty Featherman doujinshi collection. You’re not gonna narc on me.” Futaba stops. “Are you?”

“Stop looking at my internet history.”

“No. You better not narc on me.”

“Then stop looking at my internet history.”

“You had to google how to change a SIM card last week, crow-boy; you couldn’t stop me if you tried.”

“I will narc on you.”

“No you won’t. You’re the one trying to not be an asshole.”

Akechi makes a face like a cat being slowly submerged in cold water. Futaba laughs in his face.

“If you’re quite done,” says Akechi grouchily.

“No, never. You’re made for being made fun of,” says Futaba. “I’m gonna be making fun of you for years and years, crow-boy; you’re never going to get rid of me.”

“Great.”

“Gonna be creeping on your weird orphan-saving night job until the day you die.”

“Wonderful,” says Akechi without inflection whatsoever.

“Mwehehehehehehehehehe.”

“If you’re quite done.”

“I will take a well-deserved break from my endless duty to troll you both on and offline,” says Futaba. “Because I really really really wanna go to the art show.”

Akechi has the nerve to look relieved that he no longer has to squat in a dirty alleyway listening to a high school freshman bully him. “Then let’s go.”

Futaba hugs her knees tight. “But I wanna keep your coat.”

“Aren’t you wearing your own coat?” says Akechi, trying to look like he isn’t shivering. “Aren’t you getting hot?”

“I’m keeping it.”

“It’s my coat.”

“I’m keeping it.”

“Fine, then. Keep it. It’s dry clean only.”

“Oh, ew. No, take it back, gross, gross,” and Futaba peels the snotty, tear-stained, dirty winter coat off and dumps it back in Akechi’s arms, who looks at it with the expression of someone long-suffering and without hope of escape.

“And,” says Futaba, “I wanna see it if you tell anyone else that our dog got run over.”

Akechi smirks. “You’ll have to film it, then.”

“Oh my god, like I wouldn’t.”

Futaba scrubs her face one last time. She still feels like she’s covered in a grimy layer of slime, but maybe she can wash her face at Kosei. When she gets there. Because she’s gonna get there.

“Uh, one more thing,” says Futaba.

“Not like you’ve bullied me into doing literally everything else you’ve wanted,” says Akechi.

“You can’t laugh at me.”

“Good thing I don’t have a sense of humor,” says Akechi, which horrifyingly confirms to Futaba that Akechi and Yusuke, of all people, really do share a sense of humor.

Futaba hesitates. “Please, um… please don’t tell Akira about this.”

“Why would I tell Akira?“

"Nice. Good answer.” She smooths her hair down, trying to make herself presentable, or just have something to do with her hands. “I… told him I was gonna be okay without him and all that, so… I don’t wanna let him down, you know?”

Slowly, almost shyly, Akechi smiles. “Oh, yes. I know.”

“Our secret. Secret-keepers.”

“Secret-keepers. Are you ready?”

Futaba takes another deep breath. Pushes herself up, brushes herself off, and sighs. “Absolutely not. This is gonna suck so much dick,” says Futaba. “Let’s go anyway.”

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[morelike-bi-light]

james

oh let's do this rn let's do this rn — honestly this task is so daunting because his entire character is just. begging to be ripped apart.

let's dig into the meat of it! he is, canonically, the most average, boring lookin vamp we ever seen because of what an ugly ass mf he was as a human. and that's really what it is isnt it? this mf is BORING, because hes ugly and angry and has nothing going for him. Literally! the only shit he can do to deal w it, canonically, is hunt down every other cooler, hotter, straight up better vampire out there and destroy them because there is no other way that he can even try to measure up.

his bio says he didnt care he was ugly and he only cared about winning but lbr hes mad, his whole tracker schtick is just the dumbest most violent toxic masculinity compensation crusade ever put to paper. he was changed by some french fucker as a JOKE and his response was to BE a joke by literally making his entire identity revolve around having one time lost a hunting contest to the vampire that changed him. congrats u played urself shitass!

and oh my god, the shit he pulled on Victoria? u know what this creepy mf did right? u know how they met right? my wife Victoria was literally LITERALLY minding her own business, not bothering nobody, LITERALLY avoiding the entirety of vampire kind because she does not WANT the stress, and he cant even leave well enough alone — cause nothing says skill and capability like targeting the vampire equivalent of an agoraphobe w PTSD and no other friends or family am i right? course surprise surprise her power is infinitely superior (just as she is in every way) but oh he cant just move on. no hes gotta do something shitty and fucked up right. so he more or less harrasses her about helping him until she goes along with it. an incel by any other name

to reiterate one of his most forgotten offenses, he had to STALK and TRAP a woman into willingly spending time with him. should I go on about how gross that is or about how pathetic?? I cant decide!

and oh haha you know what's funny? you know how vampires all have a singer? you know how this stupid fuck's gift is literally tracking? well guess who found his singer human but FAILED to fuckin hunt her down before she was changed? literally who even knows when he succeeded at anything because the only thing noteworthy about him is who escapes/eludes him. we really do have to take it at smeyer's word that he's good at what he does cause he just fails every time it matters. what a fucking LOSER

and... come on. we all seen/read twilight. if it wasnt clear before that his power was tracking and not strategy, or tactics, or idk common damn sense! this extra son of a bitch w his stupid ass dramatics is really putting his effort into going after a human for the first time since the roaring 20s and he gets torn to death and burned in a ballet studio in arizona. wtf do I even do w that. he has an immortal unkillable gf who coulda been idk utilized somehow but instead he does a crank call and busts out the home videos and rightfully gets his head yeeted for it. I mean ya he almost got away w it too if it weren't for those meddlin kids, but it's pretty clear its cause. smeyer said. isnt that sad? cant even attribute his almost victory to him!

and what sort of poetic justice is it that he spent his entire time as a human and as a vampire obsessed with being known for winning and killing, and the one thing we all remember him for is how he failed and how he was killed? I'm caCKLING

hes a fragile male ego w findmyphone powers. his only redeeming quality is his proximity to his far superior gf and his much more interesting token black friend.

the stupidity? unprecedented. the ugliness? unmatched. the basicness? unparalleled. really this ask is sort of redundant because theres no need to further roast when his official twilight saga wikia bio already exists

[bomberqueen17]

aisatsana441 replied to your post “boo”

That really sucks, sorry ; ( Hope you have a heating pad/chocolate/dealing with cramps aid of choice on hand to help? Also, modern single dad AU sounds super interesting, if you're willing to share your thoughts!

Ha. Ha ha ha haaaaaa. Oh no the modern single dad AU that I’m not writing, oh no. This is some bad news, this one, because it keeps poking me. But listen I have like, a particularly bad history with modern single dad a/u stories. And I don’t want to go down that road again.

But like.

hear me out.

So we’ve got a modern A/U, but I still want to set it on the Continent; monsters are rare and Witchers nearly extinct but there are still a few around. Nonhumans are kind of an oppressed minority but they’re still around. Similar to canon, right? And there are a bunch of old traditions still ingrained in society, and a lot of legal stuff around mages and such, but like-- the Law of Surprise is still a thing, but people have a lot of legal framework around it. 

Anyway, Geralt has been fighting ever since her parents died to get custody of Cirilla, but of course he weakened his case by leaving her with her parents. Calanthe massively outspent him on legal fees, but then she gets killed and it’s either Geralt or The Foster System. 

(Now, me writing this is pretty seriously hampered by my actually not knowing anything about how this sort of thing works. So, big caveat there, with the addition that while it is modern, it is still set on the Continent, so it doesn’t have to be that accurate, right? Anyway if this is a particularly sore or traumatic topic for you please don’t read on, I clearly have no idea how it fucking works.)

So, Geralt’s a Witcher, which exposes him to all of society’s anti-nonhuman prejudices and besides everyone thinks Witchers are fucking creepy. He lives with his brothers and adoptive dad-sort-of-person in this creepy old ramshackle compound that’s falling down and haunted as fuck and centuries old, but when he first started fighting for custody of Ciri, he and Eskel started really working on cleaning the place up, and they’ve been, like, conscientiously working on it throughout and like taking Approved Classes and such, they’ve both got like, Child CPR certificates and shit, and they’ve worked out a whole elaborate system wherein they’re never out hunting at the same time and so Ciri’s never unattended and so on, she’s got a therapist and Geralt goes too and so on, and so he hasn’t immediately been deemed an unfit parent but like... he’s on thin ice and his case worker hates him and is dying for an excuse to take Ciri away and put her Into The System.

Into this comes Jaskier, a bright shiny new social worker (with a night job as a musician of course), ok he’s been out of school a little while and this isn’t his first job but he’s new to this specific job; he gets this case dropped onto him by the original hostile case worker who is like thank god, not my problem, bye and is like This Sounds Bad. Her notes make it seem so terribly clear that there’s no way this mutant freak is ever going to be any good for this kid but the Law of Surprise and traditionalist judges and such, and he’s like, Oh No.

Anyway that’s my premise, that he comes into it like oh no this poor helpless child (I keep envisioning Ciri as being like seven or eight) and is super creeped-out by Geralt, who keeps doing unhelpful things like showing up super late to their first-ever appointment and acting really weird and only at the end does Jaskier realize Geralt’s fairly badly injured from a monster hunt but had decided against a healing potion because he knew the Scary Toxic Face would absolutely terrify this new case worker-- how much of this Jaskier understands IDK, I haven’t really mentally worked out POV in this-- mind you I’m not writing it, remember? I’m just idly speculating on how it would go-- and he meets Ciri and she’s so great but also pretty clearly fucked-up from losing her parents and grandparents, and she’s typically childishly unhelpful and was in the moment mad at Geralt for something so she says she doesn’t like him, and Jaskier’s like Oh No This Poor Sweet Baby With These Scary Monsters, but Geralt keeps doing everything Jaskier asks him to and it’s undeniable the man’s made a really sincere effort and Jaskier doesn’t really realize how bigoted against nonhumans he is but he is starting to get the uncomfortable feeling that maybe he’s got some preconceived notions going on here, and IDK but at some point he sort of starts seeing Geralt as a person and is like... okay maybe my predecessor was a little harsh on these guys...

and anyway, he finally has to do The Dreaded Home Evaluation where he visits the Terrifyingly Creepy Witcher Compound in the Mountains and he’s put it off as long as he can and Geralt’s weirdly urgent that he’s got to get out there before “the weather shifts” like that means anything? anyway he finally summons all his nerve and drives out there but it starts snowing and his car is super shitty (social workers don’t make much on the Continent either, they don’t seem super socially progressive from any of the canon sources) and he gets stuck in the snow and Geralt comes and pulls him out with an actual horse what the fuck and it’s a whole thing and they make it to the Creepy Witcher Compound which is creepy as fuck and Jaskier’s like whew what time you think the plows’ll be by and 

Geralt just laughs and is like they don’t plow roads for our kind, give it about a week maybe?

auuuugggghhhhhhh

but here’s the good part, right, he’s snowed in, right, everyone fucking loves this trope, right? and as he’s freaking out he hears screaming and he’s like oh no it’s all over and runs to the window and

Geralt and Ciri are having a snowball fight

and Ciri hits Geralt in the face with a snowball so hard his hat flies off

and he laughs, like a real person, a real honest laugh, and Jaskier’s never seen him laugh before, and --

oh no he’s hot

also I think Yennefer’s still a mage and she’s sort of powerful but absolutely terrifying and she briefly tries to advocate for Ciri on Geralt’s behalf and only turns Jaskier solidly against them for a bit, and so on, and other worldbuilding bits, but like

anyway wasn’t that a fun romp? Hopefully that’s out of my system now.

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E4 (Preggers)

And from this moment onwards, Kurt Hummel proceeded to steal every single damn scene he was in. I’m actually unironically excited for this one. I didn’t think that could still happen! Here goes!

I will always love this Single Ladies scene. I will always love season 1′s Tina/Kurt friendship. Also, Brittany’s here, inexplicably. Did he pay her for this? In Pixie sticks, perhaps? Or Monopoly money?

“Kurt’s Superstar Playlist” is the most adorable name his playlist could possibly have. All we get to see on it are 4 Beyonce songs, and 1 Gwen Stefani - but it’s a cute little insight.

God sometimes I forget how cute Jenna Ushkowitz is and then this scene really slaps me round the face with it huh!!!

WHY are you filming this, Kurt? What are you using this for? I’d love to know. I’d say it’s just to check out his own dancing technique but it’s in black and white… Where are you posting this!!!

I want that swingy-suspended chair thing he has in his room sooooo bad

Ok now the fact that this is being filmed is giving me fic ideas…

BURT HUMMEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BURT F U C K I N G HUMMEL BABIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God the look of fear on all three of their faces when they see Burt??? Don’t you worry kids he’ll come around real soon…

Burt’s approving nod when he yanks on Kurt’s unitard… God I love this man.

The LOOK on Kurt’s FACE when Brittany says he’s on the football team… I can hear his inner monologue like “bitch we may be in the basement but I will make a window to throw you out of”

Kurt just wants to relate to his old man so bad :( Baby boy he’s already so damn proud of you!!! Also that LAUGH.

He really just slapped Tina’s ass! And she completely rolls with it, the absolute champion. Also, the subtitles Netflix provided me with were (smacks bottom) and I just love that.

Oh god it immediately cuts to the WORST scene. Terri learning to give birth. William Schuester trying to help. Just let me perish, RIB?

Shout out to Kendra’s actress for somehow managing to make her character even more despicable than Terri!

Actually the shit she says to Will here is almost valid… All three of them are fucking awful huh!

Seriously why are Kendra and Terri the best actresses on this whole show? It’s the only reason I care about this fake pregnancy arc anymore…

The teacher’s lounge is always either an arid, desolate wasteland, or the only watering hole within 100 miles where all the thirsty ass teachers congregate. Take your pick.

Why does Will pretend to hesitate before going to sit with Ken and Emma? They’re the only people we ever see you talk to dude!!!

Ken with the psychoanalysis, wow. Just hit her right there buddy!

THAT’S HOW SUE C’s IT!!!

Rachel really just EXPECTS every solo… I almost forgot how bad she was when she started. “Maria is MY part!” Not anymore!! Kudos to Lea Michele for managing to make Rachel really sound like she thinks she’s the victim when she really isn’t.

Tina’s face… She was seriously happy. Season 1 Rachel SUCKS for even trying to take this from her. She IS talented. She IS ready!

Everybody else knows it’s a fat load of BS… Kurt lowers his sunglasses to look at her like she’s a bug beneath his shoe. Also, Kurt, why sunglasses? You don’t start getting hangovers ‘til next episode, sweetie!!

“You’re trying to punish me” I think being a total martyr might be one of Rachel’s worst traits early on in the series. I get that performing is her deal, but she can’t even take a second to at least fake being happy for Tina? Unreal.

Everybody else just moving straight on with it is hilarious. They’re all so happy for Tina and don’t give a shit about Rachel’s melodrama, which I’m living for!

I wanna be all “Finn’s an arrogant bastard for assuming Kurt wanted to ask him to prom, grr!!” But then I remember Kurt’s canonically in love with him at this point, so I’ll let him off this time

Kurt’s devious little smile when he asks Finn for a favour… I love one (1) boy!

AHHH THE TRYOUT SCENE. INCREDIBLE. This might honestly be my favourite scene from season 1. It’s definitely up there, anyway.

Cute brotherly Furt moments. Finn putting that helmet on for him. “Red’s your colour!” And they DON’T make Kurt get all giggly about Finn just being nice to him? Kurt just telling him he’s really cool? Pure.

“Rehearsing–” “PRACTICING!”

Finn tells Kurt he’ll be murdered if he uses his music and Kurt comes straight back with that rum chocolate souffle line. This show would be NOTHING without Kurt.

And THIS is what I mean when I say Kurt was a Gryffindor from the get-go. Even now he’s refusing to be anything less than himself for anybody, even the jackasses that harass him every day when he’s on their pitch.

Shut the fuuuuuuuck up, Puck!

“Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of kicker.” What did we do to deserve him?

His starting pose… His hips… The footwork… “That was good, right?” His whole ATTITUDE. THE ROYAL WAVE.

As if the TV network would cancel Sue’s news segment for having a few Cheerios in the glee club?

Oh god. Quinn telling Finn she’s pregnant. The fucking cinematography here… The camera work, the audio mixing…

“Think of the mail… Think of the MAIL…”

Did Quinn seriously just say “Ask Jeeves” told her the hot tub could knock her up? I mean, I know she’s lying, but ASK JEEVES? That should’ve tipped Finn off more than anything else…

Damn. Season 1 really had the power to get me shook, laughing, and then crying in the span of 30 seconds? Or maybe it’s just because I can’t stand seeing Diana cry…  

Sandy lets his kettle whistle for far too long, it stresses me out

Sue just… Offers this fired man a job? I know she’s got Figgins by the balls over the stockings commercial, but come on, surely the council would get involved or whatever???

Rachel sucks right now but god damn it Taking Chances gives me chills every time I hear her sing it… And she’s so cute when they tell her she got the lead!!!

If musical stuff is so frowned upon socially here, how are they expecting to get a full cast for Cabaret? Especially if NONE of the other glee kids are interested?

And there’s no funding for the arts but they have a whole ballet studio on school property…?

Sign #12 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He just straight up tells Rachel that he’s the only person that likes her, which is wrong for so many reasons

He does have a point about Rachel needing to take a step back sometimes though. I hate that she’s so awful sometimes that I have to agree with Schuester.

He’s not HURTING you Rachel, he’s giving a chance to grow to somebody else!

Jenna did a beautiful job with this solo… Tina’s so cute too! I love her singing this sweet song with her goth aesthetic

This scene between Mr Schue and Tina was almost sweet BUT:

Sign #13 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He did NOT need to touch Tina’s shoulders, or get that close, or whisper to comfort her.

Don’t take one for the team, Tina! Take one for YOURSELF!

I’ll let him hugging Finn slide because, wow, Finn’s breaking my heart right now…

However I will not let it slide that he’s seemingly taken him off campus for lunch…???? Dude, take him to your office. This is creepy as all hell even if he has good intentions…

“I got this at the school library. Did you know that you can just… Borrow books from there?” Protect him. Protect him at ALL costs. He was so genuinely inspired by watching Kurt make those goals that he went to a library for the first time in his LIFE oh my goodness

Oh god. The camera panning from a random father and his young son, over to Mr Schue looking at Finn? HE’S NOT YOUR SON MY GUY, HE IS YOUR PUPIL. PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES!!!

Terri and Will are both brushing their teeth with no toothpaste… Freaks…

Have I mentioned how much I adore those little background choir soundbites between scenes? They did so much for this show…

SHUT! UP! PUCK! Drink your fucking character development juice already!!!

Kurt just casually dropping in Sun Tzu’s Art of War… He just knows that. He’s prepared to just drop that in conversation. Son, why are you so ready for combat,

Also the way Kurt commands their attention? They can rag on him all they want but they all know he’s legit…

Look at all these doofuses in their football gear busting a move. Look at Kurt sat at the front just watching, judging, as he was born to do

MIKE! KILLING! IT! I love that they let us see a sneak peek of his moves… Serious HC that Kurt making the football team dance is the first time that Mike really got to show off his skills

Kurt shooing Mr Schue away like that gives me life!!! Sit down old man

“All right boys…”  And they all look so concerned behind him lmao… “Oh– SNEAK ATTACK back to the ring…” Mike’s trying so hard to keep in time. I love him. OH and there’s Matt! Most valid glee club member simply because he never says anything.

“Comb through the hair… SLAP THE BUTT!” And they’re all trying so hard… 10/10

“I’m your best friend,” says Puck, to the boy he has been consistently fucking over for four (4) episodes, and presumably many years prior…

I really do hate Puck for the first part of this season but god damn does he have some lines. “’Sup, MILF?” “Well, CALL the Vatican! We got ourselves another ImMaCuLaTe CoNcEpTiOn!”

I remember the first time I heard the term “Lima Loser” but I didn’t know the show was set in a place called Lima (I would’ve been, like, 9) and I thought it was lime-a-loser. Like he was going to have limes thrown at him. And it was this big, serious threat…

How the FUCK did Terri get into Quinn’s car? Why is that never addressed? Like, ever? Quinn doesn’t even ASK?

Do this many people turn up to American high school sports events irl??? And do they really play the national anthem? That must get old

Why are all these football players 30… I’m so thirsty for realistic casting…

BURT’S HERE TO SEE HIS SON!!! We love a proud dad.

“I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU!!!” And now he’s doing high kicks. Kurt’s doing the absolute MOST.

I will never understand the rules of American football… And I mean NEVER.

“Ring on it on three” I love that it has a code name. And they were all too busy being dudebros to call it Single Ladies…

The one dude on the opposite team who starts boogying along is the real MVP

NEVERMIND. BURT BOPPING IN THE STANDS IS THE MVP!!!

“Can I pee first?” Legendary

Burt just going “he’s so little…” In the middle of the silent crowd…

MY BOY NEEDS HIS MUSIC!

BURT’S SO FUCKING PROUD I’M ACTUALLY CRYING??? YOU CAN HEAR HIM SHOUTING “THAT IS MY BOY!!! THAT IS MY SON!!!” THROUGH THE WHOLE CROWD!!!!

I feel like Puck seeing Finn and Quinn kiss and then the crowd going silent as he walks away is meant to make me feel… Bad for him…? But we’ve only ever seen him be mean to Quinn, really. You’ve got to earn those moments!

Ah… The skincare routine. He’s thriving.

Burt! Hummel! Is! Proud! Of! His! Son!

Burt… I’m pretty sure he assumed you wished his mother was alive. As opposed to her corpse being at the big game.

Oh boy here it comes…… Chris looks SO young here. So scared. So vulnerable. The way he slightly stutters… He nailed this scene. So much.

He’s gay!

He knows.

Do they make sensible heels in sizes for three year olds…? Asking for a dad

The raw EMOTION on Kurt’s face. It’s killing me.

This is the starting point… “I’m not in love with the idea, but I love you.” And it only gets better from there…

And he THANKS his SON. He’s sure. He’s so sure, Burt, and you are going to be so proud of him forever.

Finn gives Quinn that blanket his dad gave him when he was a baby… Did she give it back? I fucking hope so…

You tell him, Finn! Puck IS an asshole!

MIKE’S IN GLEE!!! SO IS MATT!!! And Puck’s here I guess, yay… He’s got a season or so of sucking to go before I can get excited about that.

“Regionals” here we come? My guy, let’s get through sectionals first…

Rachel’s big, cruel smile when she thinks she’s going to be handed Tina’s solo. Why would she presume that it’d just get handed to her??? I mean, I know why, but like, why… And she has the audacity to look like she’s been betrayed. Not even slightly, hon! You deserve nothing if not getting one solo is all it takes for you to quit!

This Sue’s corner genuinely gets me through some shit. “There’s not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you - they’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will.” Hits me hard!

This one was longer. Primarily because of Burt, I will admit, but it can’t be helped. Perhaps it’s the best episode of season 1 because of Burt! Now that’s a break through…

[dudewhatswiththeshorts-blog]

Some notes on 12x20: Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes

So this is basically my reaction watching the show in order + some last minute thoughts at the end.

THEN

dean is so small. tiny. pure. i miss him.

and we’re bringing it back to season 2... bless

NOW

TASHA WHY doN’T BE DEAD PLEASE

Okay so... dean is an actual concerned boyfriend who misses Cas v much and is v worried

ALICIA

“Max and Alicia?” okay so yeah dean u have a crush babe

OKAY SO I MCFREAKING LOVE MAX AND ALICIA’S CLOTHES HERE. THE BOOTS!!

“What about Cas?” Okay, so in every episode Dean is always the one trying to go on one-off cases and now he’s so worried about Cas that he’s getting all irritated at sam he is so in love I'm trash ; ;

“Their mom’s on a hunting trip and hasn’t been home in a week” BRINGING IT BACK!

WTF MARY KETCH WYD

okay so it’s A SHAPE SHIFTER and I am ALL OVER THIS!!! Shape shifters are my fav out of the SPN lore oh gosh I’M INTO IT

we will ignore the continuity errors in this scene

ok so also why does ketch’s shape shifter have a weird drawl

so yeah sam’s hair looks good today thanks

FUCK MAX AND DEAN ARE GOING TO LOOK AT THE CAR TOGETHER i love my queer babes

Alicia and Sam are bonding over not fitting in with their fams and i know we get this same arch with every MOTW ep but i mcFREAKING LOVE IT

“Doesn’t seem like much of a hugger” ok now i’m sad it’s too true y can’t mary be loving

Yeah okay don’t check out the creepy cellar just go into the house and ignore it

what the fuck ok trash is back i am INTRIGUED

I love tasha and her hair is beautiful i’m in love

WAIT OK SO IS TASHA A SHAPE SHIFTER CUZ THAT WINE OPENER COULD BE SILVER AM I FISHING?? I JUST WANT A SHAPE SHIFTER

daNG I aM inTO THiS PLoT

Dean! Is Drinking! Wine! I love my fancy babe what a cutie 

yeah okay Mr. “torture is the answer” tell that to dean who spent 30 years resisting it in hell

k so now ketch is getting into shit w/ mary

Dean is like a cute mom drinking his wine, bonding with the other single-hunter-mom dean is a wine mom who goes on Facebook i’m calling it

mary you better call dean back or i’m screaming

YOU ENDED DEAN’S CALL I’M BITTER DON’T DO THAT

so mary is checking her email but it looks like all of Sam’s emails from a while ago??

k so it’s not sam’s emails BUT mary is signed up for the biggerson’s newsletter and also the “NEW ONLINE GAMES” email is favorited lmao

OKAY SO NOW WE’RE GETTING INTO SOME PLOT

THE FILMING IS SO GR8

shit this old woman is crazy what does she have planned???

AWW dean’s old voicemail is still up is that his old voice too?? did they re-record it??

“I miss you” plz say this to him when he has his phone on him i’m sobbing

lmao the cellar smells like death could job dean

MAX IS QUEER IN CANON ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OUT NO TAKE BACKS

nOOOO TASHA IS DEAD

max doesn’t deserve this no no no no

why is no one going to save alicia?? just letting her chill with not-mom??

mary wyd

IS THAT MICK

ya it’s mick

OKAY SO THE CHASE BETWEEN KETCH AND MARY IS NERVE WRACKING

OH MY GOD GARTH

CLAIRE

FUCK

if mary dies i will scream

GET HIM MARY YESSSSS

this is legit the best fight scene in the show so far

HELL YEAH MARY HEADBUTT THAT BITCH PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK YESS FUCK I’M SO HAPPY THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

seriously ketch?? you fuck

THIS SHOT THO WITH THE ZOOMING IN AND THE EYES I’M SHOOK

max is such a fucking badass

this old woman has me shook

dang this is so cool this entire episode i love it

maX HaS To LiVE hiS MOther’S DEATH?? FUck NO i’m DEPREssed

maybe there’s a way to reverse things?? or maybe to do the doll thing in a not-evil way

FuCK max dO NOT tAKE ThE DeAL

max no no no no

YES ALICIA SAVE SAMM!!!!

holy shit no no no no this episode is so emotionally brutal alicia just got fucking stabbed by her mom

alicia HAS to stay alive PLEASE

NO WHY IS ALICIA DEAD THIS EPISODE WAS SO GOOD AND NOW IT’S THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER EPISODE

literally i am bitter as fuck

max, alicia, & tasha were pure and this shit happened they didn’t deserve this

DO NOT leave max alone

u fucks

no no deanbean don’t feel guilty you did the right thing my babe

max what the fuck

SHIT MAN THIS SCENE IS MIRRORING SEASON 2 WHEN DEAN LAYS SAM ON THE BED AND SHIT I LOVE THESE PARALLELS

spin off

SPIN OFFFFF

is it bad that i love this end scene

i hate that max essentially just sold his soul, but he also became an insanely powerful witch.... maybe him and rowena team up?? (PLEASE)

what’s up with sam why is he asleep?????

i love this mirroring from the beginning with the shape shifter and now with the real mary

shit Toni’s back wtf

Positives:

Mixed feelings about this episode. First of all, I loved the shots. Whoever directed this did a wonderful job. I love that Alicia and Max are being included in the narrative more often. I miss when Sam and Dean had a bunch of hunter friends which is why I’m happy that they’re slowly building their contact list up again this season. I think the MOL thing wasn’t overdone this episode which it feels like it is sometimes, so I applaud that. Also whoever choreographed that fight scene between Ketch and Mary was AWESOME because I could watch Mary punch someone is the dick everyday for the rest of my life. I also loved Dean’s pining for Cas and the way that Cas was brought into the episode without being in the episode. Kudos. And I loved that the fact max being gay(?) was brought up again and not ignored from the episode where he’s introduced. I’m glad we got to meet Tasha, no matter how brief. I thought she was a well developed character. I’m happy we’re seeing more “monsters” doing good in the world (aka witch hunters). That’s what SPN has always been about. Also! We’re straying away from angel/demon MOTW episodes which I’m very happy for!!! It feels closer to a season 1-3 sort of vibe which I’m really digging. Especially with all those parallels from the season 2 finale. Maybe we’ll see some more season two parallels (like we saw in the psychic mention from the early part of season 12 and also with the yellow eyed demon comeback). Those were all good things in my opinion.

Negatives:

Some things I wasn’t really digging was the fact more people of color had to die. THAT upset me. I hate all the unnecessary death in Supernatural. I’m hoping that Max and his newfound power becomes an important part of the storyline because if he’s forgotten and Tasha died for nothing I’m going to be severely disappointed. Also, even though Cas was mentioned I’m still bitter that he wasn’t in the episode.

Overall, I’m giving this:

Grade: A

[tarisilmarwen]

“Twin Suns“ Liveblog

Am I prepared?  Not remotely.

Whew boy, this is gonna be a roller-coaster.

...Have I got tissues?

Hang on, I might need tissues.

Okay, ready.

Go.

Oh okay good, we start right with the preview clip that I didn’t watch.

‘cause I was deliberately trying to avoid spoiling myself for anything.

And Maul is just a little unhinged.

Side note:

Maul fans unironically (repeatedly!) compared this scene of Maul screaming obscenities into the desert to Stitch going out into the woods looking for his family.

If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about them, I don’t know what does.

Anyway...

Maul plotting to draw Obi-Wan out by...???  Wrecking shit?  Endangering people?  I guess?

Whatever he’s planning I don’t like it.  Holy toledo Maul is batshit.

He is just... not taking things very well is he?

I think Ezra’s rejection cracked him, guys.

Pulling out the holocron shard...

Hang on... hang on hang on HANG ON IS MAUL DELIBERATELY GONNA SEND THE VISION TO EZRA?

Like he did back in “Visions and Voices?”  When he wanted to let Ezra know he was coming by freaking him out?

Is he gonna lure Ezra into the desert to deliberately endanger him and flush Obi-Wan from hiding?!

THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE’S GONNA DO, ISN’T IT?

Oh stars, dear genre-savvy please be wrong please be wrong please be wrong.

aNYWAY here’s the titlecard.

With no fanfare oh wonderful.

I hate this.

Cue nighttime on Atollon.

Awww, sleeping Ezra!

Nice to see that he and Zeb are still sharing a room.

This scene has some great direction and atmosphere going on, A+ animators.

Oooooh and the MUSIC!

Uh-oh, the Sith holocron is glowing.  Bad sign.

Oh shit.

“Senator Organa confirmed his death.”  Ha ha ha yeah, Senator Organa lied through his teeth, Rex.

Lied.  Through his.  Teeth.

“You’ve heard it before and it was just a trick.”  Except it was actually Maul dicking around with Ezra before dropping in to pay him a visit but okay, sure, whatever you say Kanan.

“I wanna go to Tatooine to check things out!”

Oh Ezra.

My precious son.

My sweet little “I will SAVE everyone!” blueberry.

Worried Spacemom is worried and no-nonsense.

This conversation is so sweet.

And it almost looks like Hera will hug Ezra?

Hug please?

Hug?

No?

Awww, no hug.  Drat.

Heh, Ezra being sneaky and tryna grab an A-wing.

And Chopper’s coming along too, natch.

“Hey!  What are you doing?”

HE’S ESCAPING, RANDOM PILOT.  HE’S ESCAPING.

s’how Ezra rolls yo.

AH HA HA HA THE LITTLE SHIT IS PRETENDING LIKE HE CAN’T HEAR.

So precious.

Awww, and apologizing to Hera before he goes.

Spacemom is gonna be so mad when he gets back.

“YOU ENDANGERED YOURSELF AND THE MISSION AND YOU LOST AN A-WING YOU ARE GROUNDED YOUNG MAN GROUNDED!”

Hi Chopper.

Nice touch with Ezra’s startled jump making the A-wing swerve.

Once again, I just love how this scene is staged and directed.

So quiet.

So nice.

And pretty music.

Aaaaaaaand this is where Ezra loses the A-wing.

Only question now is who crunched it.

Oh oh oh oh ominous shadow, not good not good WHO IS THAT IS IT MAUL?

Uh-oh, there’s Sith holocron pieces it’s a trap MAUL TOTALLY LURED HIM THERE.

Tusken Raiders oh joy.  That’s... that’s great.

WHY AM I ALWAYS RIGHT?!

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEEEEEEEWWWWW IIIIIIIT!

Maul deliberately gave Ezra the vision to lure him there to put him in danger to get to Obi-Wan I HATE BEING RIGHT.

OH CRIPES.

OH JEEZ.

DO NOT HURT EZRA.

Oh shit hi Maul.

Just summarily disposed of the raiders once they were no longer of use to him.

No big.

See, this is why I don’t understand the people who cry about Maul having so much character development.

He’s still a muderdick who uses people like tools to get what he wants.

He only marginally cared about Ezra because he thought Ezra was gonna be swayed over to his side and now that Ezra’s proven he ain’t gonna do that Maul has no compunctions siccing Tusken Raiders on him to bait Obi-Wan.

So like a Sith.

Anyway, Ezra and Chopper are now stranded in the Tatooine desert, how fun.

Uhhh gughhg ghgg DON’T DO THAT MAUL, DON’T BE CREEPY.

Shades of “Visions and Voices”.  Nice.

HA HA HA HA HA THAT SIGH OF EXASPERATION FROM CHOPPER.

“DAMMIT ORGANIC UNIT EZRA BRIDGER YOU ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME.”

*le follows*

And cue sandstorm of course.

I hate you Maul.  I hate you so much.  Why u do this to my blueberry?

Just... just no hesitation.  He didn’t think twice about stranding Ezra in the desert and putting his life in danger to take advantage of Obi-Wan’s compassion.

No, I’m not over it.  Even with everything I thought was gonna happen this episode I DID NOT FORESEE THIS.

WHAT AN ASS.

Ohhhhh oh Ezra no baby no.

Ezra! D:

Chopper!

Ow my heart, Taylor’s acting in this scene is so good.

Side note: holy COW the sand dusting!  I love how it coats everything.

Also:

OW MY HEART.

Ezra “I screwed up again” Bridger everyone.

*sobs quietly*

MAUL, LEAVE EZRA THE HELL ALONE, STOP MAKING HIM HATE HIMSELF.  OH FORCE.

*sobbing not so quietly now*

Ezra...

...

OBI-WAN!

i’M SORRY I NEED A MINUTE IJUSTLAFKSNL--

*GROSS SOBBING*

*blows nose*

I NEED A MINUTE.

...

Okay, back.

AAHHHHHHHF HHHAAAAA OF COURSE OBI-WAN KNOWS HIM.

Many talks with Yoda I presume.

Watch all the fanboys whine about how this messes with canon.  Ha ha no.

Obi-Wan is on record for lying to Luke about Vader.  I think it’s quite within the realm of possibility that he conveniently failed to mention Ezra.

Him and Yoda.

Sorry y’all can’t deal with the fact that the old wise mentor figures lied to their trainee.

The voice they got for Obi-Wan is SO GOOD.

“Where you should never have been.”  HAAAAAAAA.

Small little jab at the canon purists there.

Also, let it be known that Obi-Wan is also on record for stretching the truth to Ezra.

You know damn well that Luke is the key to destroying the Sith, Kenobi.

But he’s gonna go and make it out like Maul was manipulating the answer the whole time.

Which... isn’t exactly wrong, just not the whole truth.

SO like Obi-Wan.

Oh HI HIIIIIII.

HELLO.

YOU’RE STILL CREEPY MAUL.

PLEASE GO AWAY.

Obi-Wan making Ezra leave, aww.

Go blueberry!  Go home!

“See you soon, apprentice.” UUGGGHGGHHHGG GUHHHHG NO.

DON’T YOU DARE, MAUL.

Ohhhhhh, this is good stuff.

Such great dialogue.

Ooooooooh, Maul threatened Luke.

Bad idea.  Baaaaaad idea.

He’s going down.

oh hO HO HO HO HO HO!

This is it guys!

...Wow, that was quick.

Woooooooow okay.

Was kinda hoping for more lightsaber flurries.

Obi-Wan just smacked him down like nothing.

The fanboys and fangirls are gonna be piiiiiiiiised lol.

Actually I kinda like this.

Was hoping Maul would go down like a pussy.

...Almost feel bad for him too, well done show.

Not a lot of fandoms can make me sorry for the villain like that.

Okay, let’s go back to Ezra.

AWWWWWW spacefamily feels!

I love it.

LUKE CAMEO! :D

Aaaaand gorgeous sad music to close us out.

I... I actually really loved it!  Maybe a smidge disappointed we didn’t get a longer lightsaber battle but then, this was never really about that was it?  The time for revenge and grudge matches is past, it’s time for hope and new beginnings.

Think they told a much more meaningful story this way.

...”Zero Hour” is gonna hurt.