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jaemified · 1 year

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major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

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scrollonso · 2 months

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Boypussy bezz?? We can tell me about boypussy bezz 🥺🥺🥺🥺? Pretty pleaseeee

so im actually SO INSANE ABOUT BP!BEZ.

i thought abt it yesterday but we all know i cant be normal about anything so.

we all know how pathetic and whiney people make normal rpf bez. double that and give it to bp!bez.

BUT ALSO "fem"dom bp!bez? yeah.

idk if it'd be more ftm!bez or omega!bez or intersex!bez but really id eat anything up

realistically he wouldnt shave, i just cant see it, he'd either be neatly trimmed or maybe in the summer a lil bikini wax? all ik is he'd definitely keep that pussy clean 🙏

i feel like how he'd act during sex would all depend on the person fucking him

in my head bp!bez is very different from the bez i usually write (pathetic)

that pussy is MAGIC.

with someone like vale he would definitely be more of a pillow princess (ik thats a wlw term but i have no idea how else to explain it... vale is doing all the work!) like after bez is done seducing him thats all the work he's doing, now he just lays there looking pretty (both him and his pussy looking pretty) and lets vale do whatever he wants to him

i feel like if pecco was to be with bp!bez it would be different though, a lot more 50/50 and with them i just imagine it being a lot more intimate and emotional? just bc theyre so close any angst or toxicity would ruin me

then with cele i feel like bez would be more like the one in charge, more fucking himself onto cele, taking the lead, but still somewhat intimate/emotional just not as much as with pecco? (i havent really written or read a lot about them so... this is just based off of what ive seen and my rotting brain)

but marc? he'd ruin marc. im always writing cum-drunk bez but no. pussy-drunk marc. when i tell you bp!bez has marc wrapped around his finger i mean it. marc would sit there for hours and let bez use him, riding him, telling him what to do, how to touch him, how to fuck him, how to eat him, yeah he'd do it all. you dont have to ask him twice. how could he say no to a pussy that perfect?? hed have to be insane.

but it could also be a genderbend bez, maybe a genderbend everyone shit 🤕

im not really sure where im going with this im just writing down everything that comes to mind

#as usual none of this is pre thought out #im just saying shit.#but YOLO!!! >-<#kats chattin shit #bezetti #is that cele and bez?#marcmarc #bezquez #erm #vale/marco #pecco/marco #vale/bez #pecco/bez #idk their ship names...#:D

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yurianonikki · 2 months

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21|07|24| yulia’s diary

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.╰┈➤. entry 1; into the new world,

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆╰┈➤. today's mood; content - happy?> a bit bored, but motivated. confused.

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ i dont know if moving was a good decision. im having regrets, lots of regrets i guess, i left everything i knew behind in what feels like a split second decision. everything i became used to over the past nearly 11 years was gone in just a few weeks. everything i learned at school, pointless. i cant use that information for anything because i dont study the same subjects anymore. i do miss my small citizenship class, and my much larger and chaotic health&social care class. music just isn't as entertaining. but at least i get to do history still??? i mean theres only 1 person in music who i talk to - and she used to have a crush on my boyfriend 😬. my friends who i knew (but lowkey hated 🤫) were gone. speaking of friends, i cut contact with nearly everyone i knew before moving; lots of my online friends are gone completely and we havn't spoken in weeks - months even, and i dont talk to anyone i knew irl except for my boyfriend. its easy when you move so far away you never have to come in contact with those people - unless your unlucky enough to still see them in the city centre when youre walking home from school or hanging out with your new friends and/or bf - some people try to keep in contact some dont care, or at least dont show that they care. but maybe it was good for me. i mean i did lots of things i regretted there, so many embarassing things related to me, i had so many enemies for no reason really? im not sure why i was so disliked; i know that my old friend group from 3 years ago still talk shit about me and make up lies but im curious how bad it is to have made so many people dislike me... the only closure i got was that one of the girls told me now ex-bestfriend that shes ''sorry for being rude''. rude? rude. seriously. thats it. you think you were rude. but thats a story for a different time. in a way i do miss my best friends but i also dont know how to feel. i never felt comfortable around them to be myself, i always felt like an outcast even though we were supposed to be a group. the biggest difference between us was our ethnicities, they were bulgarians and i was polish. there wasnt many polish kids at my old school. i mean there were the twins who were very weird and apparently groped another student AT SCHOOL?... definately not. there was ro**** who was the girl who said ''sorry for being rude'', mm nope. there was ga******* who started to hated me because of my relationship with my current bf, again definately not. je*****, ga******'s cousin and ro****'s friend, absouluetly not. theyr all weird and have a weird story connecting them to me but its too long to look back on today. at least at my new school there tons of polish kids who im friends with and i finally feel welcomed. even tho i tend to be quiet because ive only known them a few weeks they dont exclude me like my old friends; they do quite the opposite actually and it feels nice. the only down side is they all known and are possibly friends with ga****** because she sort of goes to our school sort of doesnt? again her story will be another entry. and also theyre friends with her best friend na***** who dispises me because of ga******'s weird issues. 😐 but im staying strong. ignoring them. not letting them affect me. thats what im gonna convince myself at least.

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ its summer break now finally. 6 long weeks of term ugh 😮‍💨. i have so much spare time to do anything i want. yesterday i was really motivated to learn coding, but i dont think it will go anywhere, even the super simple stuff is complicated for me. i am NOT. a maths-y person. ive started to become more active on my blogs, hence why im writing this, a big dream of mine as a kid was to be a writer 🫠, this is nice and easy and stress free<3 ive been wanting to learn guitar now properly since starting music at school because its a big part of our final grade but also just to have something as a hobby. i dont think ive ever had a real hobby and it makes me a bit embarassed, like im super boring and dont do anything besides sit on my phone and play games and just fuck around on instagram being messy. photography is also something i wanna get into but a good quality camera is expensive (im aware i dont need expensive equipment for photography but you gotta admit it makes your work nicer), guitars are also expensive tho, doubt i will get one anytime soon considering our renovations, my mothers financial and mental problems and my sister not working too. hughhh, though i have been thinking of getting a summer job. 1) for money 2) my mum said if i do something over summer she will get me a cat 🐈 3) i wont feel like im wasting my days away being a bum like my boyfriend likes to call it>:( so when my mother is free ill bring it up to her, as well as starting pilates at home again. i first started back in the beginning of may and i was doing really good; i felt better, my body looked good, and i felt like i had a hobby. but by the end of school i completely stopped doing it because i was so drained physically and mentally. i mean imagine making up at 5am every day and only getting home 12 hours later, sometimes even as late as 19:00. i also have been feeling insecure in my body, as if im gonna gain weight and look just gross. even though my bf reassures me i look great and still look great even after not working out i just have a feeling in the back of my mind hes just saying that to make me happy, not because he means it. on a happier note, ive started watching more animes; death note specifically. 1) to make my boyfriend happy, he begs me to watch it like at least 5 times a week 2) i had the most random urge to start watching death note whilst having no prior interest and very little knowledge. so far im liking it tho, currently at episode 26, and if you havent guessed already my favourite character is misa;3 also getting back into snsd has been refreshing🪩

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ im not sure when ill update this next, probably soon as i have a lot of time to do so, or whenever i get a random thought and have no where else to share it to🌝

🎧ྀི 사랑해 널 이 느낌 이대로, 그려왔던 헤매임의 끝

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saint-sebastian-coded · 8 days

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please tell me about the books you’ve read recently i would love some recommendations 👀🤲

okay!!!! im bored so heres my thoughts on all the books ive read (or finished reading) since the start of summer

all of murder most unladylike 5/5 its a middle grade series (9 books) about two girls in the ninteen thirties who go to boarding school together and solve murder. its so funny and i really like the historical perspective in it too. i read it originally when it was coming out but i decided to look at it again (can't remember the exact reason why but anyway). soooo fun and pretty clever too

monk and robot duology by becky chambers about 4.5-4.75/5 very interesting world building im not sure i fully understood it so im going to reread but i think its speculative fiction about a post technological world but a robot decides to visit and becomes friends with a monk

all of the locked tomb series. twice. 5/5. i feel i do not have to explain this everyone read it Now

priory of the orange tree 5/5 this is my fourth read through i'm currently on my second read of a day of fallen night (the prequel) and !!!! the prose !!! the world building !!! the characters. i kinda hate that very few people like niclays i love niclays he's so funny to me and a complete cunt

all of nevermoor. twice 5/5. its 223 days to the fourth book coming out and in the hiatus ive managed to write like 19% i think of all fic for it on ao3. so yk. i like it a normal amount its like its very fun middle grade series (im going into my junior honours year of uni so my summer reading was v self indulgent lmao) about a girl who is rescued from death at the last minute and has to compete to get into a specific society so she won't get deported and the world building is sooo good and i love the characters sooo much

fun home by alison bechdel 5/5 the way the narrative is presented in this like all the negative space where things arent said but we're supposed to understand its very good

the gilded wolves 3.5/5 i feel like its on me for like. starting this in june 2023 and reading little bits over the year bc i was a bit confused so im gonna try reading this again sometime but it was pretty fun ngl

transgender marxism 4/5 i found the ideas in this interesting but im not sure i understood all of it so im gonna read around the subjects a bit so i get it more

black leopard red wolf by malon james 3.5/5. i kinda lost where the plot was going about halfway through so this is another book on my reread list but the prose is soooo good that it kept me going

honey girl by morgan rogers 4.25/5 this is about an astrophysicist who has a vegas wedding after she goes out right after getting her phd and is kinda lost in what she wants to do so she strikes up a sort of friendship sort of relationship with her wife from the opposite side of the usa and i found it to be a really nice read

wolfsong by tj klune 4/5 this book is kinda long for what it needs to be tbh and i dont really like the omegaverse enough (its not omegaverse but like. omegaverse's third cousin basically like werewolves and stuff) but i enjoyed the writing style

he who drowned the world by shelley parker-chan 5/5 its the sequel to she who became the sun and i love that zhu has such a good time in this book the second the narrative turns to her its almost a buddy comedy. amazing prose love the world building love the themes love the characters. banger. cant wait to see what shelley parker-chan does next

kemosha of the caribbean by alex wheatle 3.25/5 its about this girl who's a slave in port royal during the golden age of piracy and wins her freedom in a duel and joins a pirate ship as a cook so she can get the money to buy her brother's freedom. i liked it but i think im kinda past ya ig

the aeneid by vergil (cecil day lewis translation) 4/5 oh my goddddd oh my god. amazing. poem of all time

kyoshi duology by fc yee 4.5/5 on one hand i liked it more the first time i read it but like its still good its just ive read some really amazing books since but i love kyoshi and rangi so much and i really like the povs from jianzhu zoryu and yun also

the silmarillion by jrrt 3/5 i did not understand. i will read again im sorry tolkien fans

the mcga trilogy by rick riordan 4/5 this book series was my personality from the release of sword of summer to like two years ago??? on one hand i forgot how much i liked certain elements on the other hands certain elements did not. age well. or weren't good to start with. i feel like rr should like. get a better handle on his narrative arcs tbh

the histories by herodotus (tom holland. not spiderman translation) 4/5 this was very weird but very interesting

the two ministry of unladylike activity books currently out 5/5 this is the sequel series to murder mosr unladylike but about one of the main character's little sisters and her friends outwith the story (which is excellent) i like that it balances showing that the lives of the original characters are still ongoing without going full nostalgia bait

the kane chronicles by rick riordan 4.5/5 outside of the walt and anubis thing (too old to date a Thirteen Year Old jesus christ) very good honestly rr's best series in terms of worldbuilding, characterisation and narrative arcs

the annals by tacitus (yardley translation) 3.25/5 v good translation but holy shit completely boring im sorry im a tacitus hater i fear. interesting historical source tho

lives of the caesar by suetonius (edwards translation) 3.75/5 every single roman emperor is in hell

the aeneid (aeneid daily) 4.5/5 see above

daughter of the siren queen by tricia levenseller 3.5/5 this could be good but every single romantic scene was punctuated by me saying aloud that i hoped jakey died. i do not remember her boyfriend's name i just do not care. nothing special tbh

the woman of troy by pat barker 4.75/5 this is the sequel to her book the silence of the girls which is a retelling of the iliad from briseis' perspective. this book is still mostly from her perspective but (i believe) a retelling of the troades (i haven't read the troades in english except in summary and i only translated it for like two weeks as a seventeen year old so i forgor but i think it is) i usually hate classical retellings but i like barker's take on things and i just found out (like rn) that theres a third book coming out so im excited about that

the atlas six by olivie blake 2.5/5 this book was written to have out of context parts quoted on tiktok

dictator by robert harris 5/5 this is the finale to his cicero trilogy told through the perspective of tiro whom i love and admire (he probably invented the ampersand and other stuff we use as short hand. everyone say thank you tiro) very good

the eternal ones by namina forna 3.5/5 i really liked the first book in this series and i think i liked the second one too and i think the worldbuilding is compelling but im not interested in any of the characters especially her boyfriend sorry. i liked britta tho. also again i think im kinda past ya rn so

nevermoor graphic novel part two 5/5 i thought the art was beautiful but the story was kinda rushed and one fairly important scene was left out which i was really looking forward too and also messes up some of the relationships which was a shame (unless it got covered in dialogue but i dont speak french i was literally just there for the pictures)

task force z #11 & #12 4/5 nice

tiger tiger by petra erika nordlund 5/5 everyone go read this now its about a girl who steals her brother's identity and his ship to study sea sponges and meets god who is a tits out nonbinary lesbian along the way and also: sea sponge

the lightning thief by rick riordan 4.5/5 the fact that luke didn't say "western civilisation is a disease" in the tv show is a goddamn travesty. also i have many thoughts about the themes of nostos and kleos between luke and percy

a sky beyond the storm by sabaa tahir 4.5/5 i love the world building so much in this book and i had a really good time with the character development too. i want to reread the series at some point all at once bc i finished boom three in december and i think i forgot some parts lmao

cursed crowns by katherine webber and catherine doyle 2.5/5 this book is stupid. some of the dialogue is funny. like twice

the eagle of the ninth by rosemary sutcliff 3.5/5 if aiglemene in tlt isnt inspired by this in some way (eagles, ninth, leg injury) i will be genuinely surprised. good time

the dawn of yangchen by fc yee 4.25/5 not quite as fun as kyoshi but i found the politics very interesting

whale weekly 4/5 i lost the plot like back in 2022 but the prose is immaculate its so fucking tragic and it was so preventable i love the whole cosmic horror of the whale

amari and the night brothers by bb alston 4.75/5 this has the same vibes as nevermoor but like the main character is looking for her brother and accidentally finds out that shes a magician and also this is a bad thing. kinda cliché but very fun and i had a good time

#books #reading #tj talks #guess what my degree is lmaoo

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mifhortunach · 9 months

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2023 'overview'

The standard end of year post of course!

This year has both breezed by and felt absolutely endless, personally at least, and i feel like i accomplished nothing(!), but still, here's a round up of some stuff i enjoyed!?

MOVIES: as ever as always! I'm writing this a bit in advance, but i've deffo seen less movies this year than i did last year, tho i believe that i did manage to get out to the cinema way more than usual (tho, tbh, most often on my lonesome i think). I think i've felt the most divided on them this year; i liked a lot of stuff very VERY much! i also have felt so SO bored with a lot more things. i think i talked about having like. a matrix moment last year, nothing like that this year, tho a lot more of being like, 'well yeah, of course', or finally being able to recognise what a shot is, lol. Regardless, here are the movies i probably loved the most this year:

aftersun: all i talked about jan thru feb, need to watch it again. it looks great, its both fun & heartbreaking, and you KNOW i love the found footage side of it all - especially when it addresses that even when you have footage of 'objective reality' you just really cant know it all operation avalanche: as w aftersun, this shit gets at like ALL my interests! OpAv isn't a perfect movie, and i think the more u know about the production/etc the more obvious that becomes [i genuinely WOULD love to see/know more about the version that really did have the mole/romance plotline integrated, but lbr, that doesnt really exist]. ANYWAY!! i do think this is such an exciting film to watch, especially the movie making sequences, and i think the feeling of it all comes across so truly iygm. also, obvs, bc i love conspiracies unfortch the dirties: im sorry there's so much MJ on this list, short tho it is! but hey, these really took over my life for a month there lol. i still havent listened to the commentary w the real film critic, but i truly find this to be an airtight movie, the found footage stuff is so well integrated, justifying everything while also calling all intent/'reality' into question.. i do think someone could spend forever with it - its also funny & miserable! what more could u want (watch my fancam please) my house walkthrough: i genuinely just really like this!! ive said it before, but i genuinely just find it such an exciting watch, the bts just makes it so much cooler - what's sicker than repetition Hon Noms: la confidential: heat walked so this could run ! thirst: so much fun, i love vampire lovers who hate each other beau is afraid: too long, but i really liked most of this, v funny black tower: great example of doing smth so cool w very little

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

books:

francis spufford, new sun series, chandler, mauretania

PODCASTS:

sfultra!!!: sean L@TDF finally returns to talk about sci-fi books! sean is one of the few critics i'll always keep up with even when i dont agree w him, & this show has been a real treat all this year - the patreon stuff is great as well - its introduced me to a lot of new stuff & crit, and its been good to hear from him again. if u listen to any of these, listen to this shelved by genre: really good, tho often we have different interests - got me to read a fair few more books this year! im not a games guy, and im mad behind on fatt, so its super nice to get to hear some austin biweekly anyway, lol. twioat (as ever): i was a bit trepidatious about this season starting off, but it's been so much fun, the fellas really knocked it out of the park. i loved hearing from some guests that we havent heard from in ages. this season on AJLT was also fuckin amazing, truly & really adored their coverage; possibly highlight of my summer?? toxic podcast: i almost certainly shouted this out last year, but it was nice to have this around again in the top half of the year!! ale has a letterboxd now & its fun to get to see just how many truly atrocious horror movies he does watch all the time. a true connoisseur

------------------------

pick’n’mix:

ntbts: its a such good show!! i've watched more tv than usual this year, but i love how this is done on almost every level. i apologised before for having so much MJ on this list & i stand by that!, but i do think that one of the best (practical) traits in his work is making difficult stuff look not only easy, but genuinely both fun & achievable. whens the movie going to drop??? (lol) getting into shirts: this genuinely was more of an accidental year long thing, starting w the ones i printed for lizzie back in jan/feb, but its been fun! finally got back some screenprinting experience, and i think u can really see some amping up of ambition & basic skill/practice. i do wanna do more in the new year, but am trying to engage with actual intended outcomes (and lbr, the storage issue lol), so we'll see

the sopranos!!: sometimes they really were right about good tv being good, who knew! so much funnier, weirder & depressing than i wouldve expected- honestly undersung at this point. also, it introduced me to a tonne of music lol

the blackberry soundtrack: unfortch i continue to be kinda mixed on the film, as much as i think on a technical level it's so super cool & well-made. i do really like the soundtrack tho!! i'm kinda iffy on some of its application in the actual film, but im a hater, so what can u do lol. the actual thing DOES rip tho

==========

this whole thing makes it look like i got a lot more done this year than i feel like i did lol. i feel like i had plans up the top but they really all came out in the wash//

i read an okay amount of books, but failed to get thru any piles

i watched more tv than usual this year, and saw id say, a midtier amount of movies, but way more new movies than usual

i moved for a bit! then moved back & got a worse job lol

there was a lot of work i didnt get finished.. i have stuff ive been meaning to edition since this time last year that i still havent gone back to.. that said, i think i did get some stuff done, finally actually did some stone litho(!!!!) & had some stuff up in a show or two

who knows,,, maybe ill finally get my shit together & 2024 could be my year - people say good things about being 26 right??? 😭😭😭

#ppp #.......#1111111111 #5555555555 #lb #2023movies #year in review

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 2 years

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2, 14, 23, 25? <3

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

oh honestly im mostly looking forward to being done with writing rn hfjhjg ive been doing nothing but thasmissy for 2 months straight at this point and i need to finish like 2 more scenes. so i suppose the technobabble im doing in one of those scenes bc it's really fun to find words to put in it. even though it takes forever. and then i wanna take a little break. ive still got a series of like weird sex fics somewhere on the backburner i might go do that (it's like, 13/tardis, yaz getting off to gallifreyan anatomy textbooks, yaz with the hologram in 13x5, and another one i cant remember rn, oh yeah something with the robot master and shalka doctor, but i cant write them so idk. i think it would be fun to write robot sex though)

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

either when i hit post and ao3 tells me i forgot the title (bad titles). or else it just ✨Comes To Me✨ at some point during writing (better titles). not the question but these are my favourite titles: kerblam it!, wondering about the perspective of the person who confuses interbellum with no man’s land, auto-tromperie à deux, or: the double-slit experiment, and the thasmissy one which will be called playing doctor <3

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

s12 fic where yaz gets basically seduced by the master because the master is willing to give her answers the doctor wont. she finds the doctor's phone and they start texting. they both find something in each other that the doctor is unable to give them. the doctor when she finds out is So Mad. shes like hes dangerous!!!!1! but theres this possessive undertone you know? ive had scenes of that on my computer since like summer 2020. it's never gonna get finished but thats okay because i think most of what i thought was interesting about that fic i incorporated into thasmissy in some way. also i think it ended by yaz getting killed by a cyberman and the doctor beating the master to death for it so fkjghjkghgfjh too sad to finish tbh. it wasnt even the master's fault it was both their faults she was angry at herself so she killed him. and then sat with him until he regenerated. while yaz i think, stood there as a cyberman. anyway! fucked up! not my style

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

when im writing some weird gross visceral time stuff and looking in thesauruses and going on etymology dives and finding fun connections between words that i can use to make more subtext. and making up new ways to use words and sentences so i can make them hold more connections. increase the meaning/word ratio you know? thats the most fun

okay bonus found that fic. i had 2000 words. heres how it starts:

It starts with dying.

An endless dark. Without direction or sound or exit. Where air isn’t air and she doesn’t know how she’s still breathing. Where she can’t be alive because she can’t feel her heart beating.

“Okay, PC Khan. Nothing to worry about.”

It starts with dying.

It doesn’t end with it.

The Doctor pulls her out.

Its warm in australia. The heat crowds around her when she steps out of the glass cage, lapping at her hands, her face, curious, tentative, playful.

A Soft grip on her arms guides her to a chair, to reality, to being alive.

Someone presses a cup of tea into her hands. Large brown concerned eyes ask her if she's hurt.

She later learns his name is o. She later learns it isnt.

and this is how it ends:

His eyes switch to her as soon as he realises what this result of their actions is. Eyes big and hungry, apprehensive on the edges, mouth twitching but never reching a grin. Both stock still her eyes are still on the cyberman. One breath. Two breaths.

His eyes widen slightly when her attention shifts to him. Eyes dark and pushed too far like the chasm beyond the cliff. When she steps forward theres no delay in his step back.

Silence as the only witness of the last two children of gallifrey. The physical sounds of a body breaking and abody being broken.

Sound of breath and fists and one scream when she breaks his arm.

When she stumbles off of him, sitting where she lands, stopping moving further rather than sitting, silence still her only witness, he hasnt moved in a while, hasnt made a sound in a while. She watches until he starts glowing. Then she gets up and and without looking back walks away.

She finds the cyberman who was yasmin khan and says with a voice that is the oppoiste of what her hands just did, tender and regretful and soft, "yaz" because they were friends. And because no other words she will ever string together will be enough to make okay what she did to her. But the words press to her lips anyway. sorry doesnt change what she did. Sorry would be an insult.

"Your family will know"

Im sorry

"You wont be forgotten"

Im sorry

"You deserved better than you got"

Than i did to you. Im sorry

"Thank you yaz."

Im sorry

"Goodbye"

Im sorry

"And im sorry"

She zaps her sonic and the cyberman falls.

#thank you for the questions <333

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dullahandyke · 1 year

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cant be bothered to make mulitple posts. have one post with many contents, it is like a treasure chest. also whoops got long teehee take a readmore

BOOBS. boobs. tits and boobs. soft and eueueuugughghghgh fun to squish and heavy and smell nice. society if i had someone to fool around with. kissing doesnt sound that appealing but if i played w someones boobs it would fix me i think. sorry. not sorry actually #liveyourtruth. whaever im 19 i can post abt whatever i want n what i wanna post abt is boobs

not to hammer home an old thought but god i wish i lived in a town or a village or a city... theres literally fuck all to do here unless i wanna bug my parents for a ride into town so instead i just sit inside n its kind of detrimental to my social life n indepence. like on the plus side, i might have considered taking up vaping in a calculated 'swapping one vice for another' way if living in the middle of a field didnt make getting my hands on any on a regular basis so utterly implausible, so like its good detterant in that way, but also like man do you know how psyched i would be to be able to walk to the cinema. walk to any store where i could buy things. u know how long google maps says it would take to walk to my local library? two hours. cant even go anywhere to hang out on a whim or without enough reason to justify bothering my parents abt it. like all going well ill hopefully be in the city for college come september but like. killing and bitingggggg

graduating in a week and AUGH on one hand out the gap waheyyy only a month until exams are DONE FOREVER (until college) but on the other hand, fuck man im never gonna see this school again, i barely hang out w my friends outside of school unless its someones 18th which in practice means that after the debs thats IT!!!!!oh my god im going to DIE, i need to go find cliodna on instagram so i can follow her because shes nice. ill be sitting in random classrooms in school lately n be hit w the fucking melancholy because im like oh boy soon i'll never see this place again and its like... intellectually i know that i am not one to dwell on shit like this after its happened, as evidenced by the 'oh god my friends are all going off to college, itll only be me and the kiddies in the youth theatre next year' crisis i had last spring, after which i was Fine Actually and rarely even thought of the ppl who left bcos i have the object permanence of a 2 month old, and in practice this summer is gonna be the same as every summer is and i didnt see a single one of my irls during summer last year and i was fine but like.... idk man knowing its the end.... kills

speaking of which, oh my GOD the leaving starts in *checks watch* 22 DAYS. FUCK. like the points i need for my course are actually pitiful like but 🥺 wanna do good... do i regularly and loudly disparage the english course and maintain that the only real measure of one's writing capabilities is your own evaluation? yes! do i still want a H1? also yes! it would be the easiest thing in the world if i was less opinionated but luckily i AM that opinionated. also god. biology the day before history.... death. ive not been paying attention to either class for literally the past few months, im gonna have to kick it into high gear when i graduate bcos lbr im gonna get my shit together enough to pay attention until im not in school anymore.

thinking about boobs again. would like to hold some. an irl's school shirt keeps shifting so i can see her boobs thru the button gaps and im heeueuugueugh

eating a mini viennese ice cream or whatever its called n its good 👍🏻 hard to type w tho

boobs again. hhhahwhauhghah!

my ass hurt. done.

#vent #<- ig #long post

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xxfrankieroindragwithgerardxx · 2 years

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Tw: mention of self harm, depression

Im so fucking tired. I want to sleep but my adhd medication wont let me. I have so many friends but im always lonely. I feel like none of them actually like me. My best friends assure me they love me all the time but any time im not talking to someone I immediately get lonely. Im always sad, all the time. I want to cry so much. I want to sob, bawl my eyes out and let all the sadness flow out with the tears. At 2 am I get bored and take out my knife. At this point i cant even tell if its sh or just a pass time. I used to sh by using my punching bag without gloves. Too much, too hard, too frequent. My hands were a bloody mess. But now theyre calloused and used to it, they dont rip like they used to. I miss it so much. The dark brown dried blood splotches covering my red punching bag. I want to make more so bad but I can’t. Im too tired, my skin is too tough, it just doesnt happen. But I can’t cut i cant bc I swim so much in the summer and I wear bikinis and crop tops so how do I hide that? I’ve been doing it very lightly, just a few layers of skin. It hurts, maybe bleeds a tiny bit, but it doesnt last. It will heal and it wont scar, and it doesnt give that stinging that lasts all day, all week even. Having scabbed knuckles is mostly socially acceptable, people never suspect it to be a form of sh. It is. And now every time I touch my legs and they dont sting I feel so invalidated. I want them to hurt more. I wish there was a place on my body that I could cut and no one would see the scar. Or that the cuts would just disappear when they heal. So I can still se them when theyre red, but they dont last forever. I want a razor so I can cut deeper, more easily. But I can’t cut deeper cuz propel will notice. My mom was just yelling at me to get off my phone and do my homework but every time I stop and look at my computer I want to cry. Im trying I really am. Im trying to try. I used to try so hard but I kinda gave up. I never get anything done anyways. My fucking meds aren’t working, they’ve successfully destroyed my sleep schedule and thats it. I get exhausted at 1 pm but im full of energy at 1 am. I havent gotten the chance to listen to music all weekend, I missed it so much. I just wanna be home alone and sing and dance to Mcr and p!atd. I dont even like panic! that much, just a few of their songs. But house of memories and I write sins not tragedies make me so happy, especially singing along. I want to sing along to mcr, I want to meet them and see them all the time and learn to play guitar with frank and learn to produce with Ray and learn to sing with gerard and learn keyboard with mikey(and improve my pokerface) and I want them all to hug me and I want to meet franks dogs and gerard cats and go to all of their concerts and help gerard pick out outfits. If I could see them and talk to them for the rest of my life it would cure me. If I could have a pretty gf who would cuddle me and listen to me and understand me, I would be so happy. If my struggling friends got better I would get better. If everyone would just disappear, everyone ive ever met except my best friends and my idols, I would be so much happier. I wouldnt be constantly worrying about what people think of me, about them ignoring me and not texting me. I wish I could live in the killjoy universe, ride around the desert with the Fab Four, surviving off of what we need, running from the government. And having fun. Real fun. Not watching tv or scrolling tumblr alone. I mean playing cards and riding dirt bikes and climbing and killing bad guys. Coming home tired and beat up and covered in sand, maybe bleeding but full of adrenaline and just happy that we all made it out alive and that would be enough. Where people dont have to worry about consequences. Getting bad grades leading to no college leading to no money. Where people just have to not die and thats enough. Doesnt that sound nice? My eyes are barely staying open right now, barely staying dry. Im so tired of high expectations.

#Tw #sh #depression #vent #Dream world #Mcr #Killjoy verse #Mentally ill #self destruction #attachment issues #fuck life #about to cry

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orcelito · 2 years

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🎶🎢🥺😈 (I know theres a few options for that last one lol)

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

ykno i Used To. but idk, smth flipped in my brain so i cant write on my computer anymore & HAVE to write on my phone (focus is way better) & music on the computer is natural background noise but on my phone it feels like more of a focus. so i just cant. plus if i listen to music i HAVE to have smth that matches the mood of the thing im currently writing, which can be very difficult to find. so i can just get into the headstate for writing better if im in a quiet, low-distractions room with just my phone before me. idk it's weird. during EDITING though, i do that on my computer still (moving words around feels more natural on la computadora, i guess) & music on computer is a Must. i like to listen to nice background music, which frequently ends up being psytrance lol bc there's just smth about that music that wraps around my brain so wonderfully & helps with the Concentration. but depending on the thing im doing i might do smth else, like how i listened to the album HOME by SIAMES over and over again while editing the first chapter of Summer Nights bc it just had that childhood nostalgia feeling that was Perfect for Childhood Nostalgia, The Fic. as for what ive been listening to more lately lol ive been listening to a lot of muse. unrelated to writing tho. i just enjoy their music lol.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

hmmmmmmmmm. well i figure quite a few readers of discacc would claim it's a wild ride, but it's honestly pretty linear. less of a 'whats going to happen' and more 'how is it going to happen'. still enjoyable! but i wouldnt say it's a wild ride. but my magic prince au??????? lmfao now THAT is gonna be a wild ride. whenever i finally get the chance to write it. massive angst and drama and tragedy and plot twists and More. plus not being restricted to the timeline of the game means the plot will be a lot more variable than discacc (which is ultimately just a canon divergence fic, when you get down to it). *sighs longingly* someday i will be able to write my magic prince au...

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

hmmmm. honestly anytime i get to make akechi feel vulnerable and/or loved. he is So traumatized & it's difficult for him to trust anyone. so seeing him get Tastes of friendship and belonging is so, so good. also of course the akeshu lol. gotta love Their dynamic & the ways akira always makes goro second guess himself. it's so good.

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

hahahaha WELL. ive definitely more than once had a cliff hanger i purposefully put to fuck with people. bc that's very fun to do at times. only a few! im not typically the cliff hanger type. but Sometimes. it's fun to be like "ooOOoO what's gonna Happen?(emotional pain is what's gonna happen)". ive also been just plain mean many, many times, but i dont think i could count that as playful lol. times where i am Kind Of brutal towards goro. with even more to come <3 he's just such a great target lol. tho of course akira will have his time too heheh

questions r from here !

#danidoesathing #ask #discacc shit #thank U for sending some slkdfjlj love talking about The Process

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pwblogarchive · 2 months

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July 2006

July 1, 2006

“sex and the city (the part theyll never tell you)”

its strange here this time of year. because the weather never changes.it is always summer here. so it doesnt feel like the same desperate love of these three pages on the calendar. or at least not what i am used to.patrick and i wrote a song yesterday. not a hit single or maybe anything that would even turn your head.noone knows how it goes.sometimes the worst wishes are the ones that come true.yellow and white lines to the coast.you can learn to love anything if its around enough.some people learn to love their mistakes.shakes hands. "thank you, our time is up".what keeps you coming back?i got a long rap sheet.(the statute of limitations is running out on you pretty fast).the powders wet. the sparks arent coming.the hammer isnt hitting. its spinning.you can learn to love anything.posted by xo @ 11:22 PM

July 5, 2006

the last thing i think of before i fall asleep and the first thing i think of when i wake

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst- you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.

haveanicelife

Posted by xoat 6:06 AM

June 5, 2006

Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves

you dont hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. i cant sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is i live the charmed life because of you and them. we are a gang. maybe its time to disband. im not sure i am thinking clearly but i just want you to know that i waited on you guys calls all night- they never came. i just wanted to say i miss you or im sorry or you know something that would have meant something to you. i would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. always trying to relive the glory days.

i dont care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day i will wish i had not written them- right now i can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?

my head always feels warm right before i pass out, i always worry that there is something wrong and i wont wake up or you know i will. promise me that you wont take anything i ever say too seriously.

July 7, 2006

“his and hers”

sometimes i cant wait to be forgotten.i wish i could put up an away message in real life and just go to sleep forever.posted by xo @ 3:10 AM

July 7, 2006

“im so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)”

i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.

July 8, 2006

“the fraternal order of the handsome boy”

ive been watching you from afar

my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the car

candy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding.

"youre the stranger ive been dreaming of", stranger than any ive ever known.

love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me.

late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you

to make you think of me the very same way i think of you.

i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them.

fireworks over the valley. how can i tell you i gut people for a living.

that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history.

over and over again.

how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else.

how im humble and arrogant at the same time,

chased and never caught.

that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.

that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.

youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.

the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct. my head cant keep up.

i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.

i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.

"im blowing smoke rings around the moon...."

i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.

Posted by xoat 2:36 AM

July 11, 2006

we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes).

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.

my personality and everything about me is just a carefully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.

i am (not) real.

sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.

its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.

all i can do is read and write and wait.

ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.

Posted by xoat 6:32 PM

July 14, 2006

a little life, alot of death (i want to be known for my hits not my mrs.)

i should probably not be typing in this mood. i wish there was a lock on the keyboard. it is too enthralling in a state like this. just like all of this has always been. the world around me has changed as if overnight. "for someone so smart you are acting pretty stupid". i cant focus on but like three thoughts in my head but i am compeltely wrapped in them. they keep me warm at night. i pray for something to crash into me and smash me back to something more simple. i pray for fistfights so i cant be knocked out and wake up in the e.r. i wish for disaster so i can be razed. im telling you if i could do any of it again, im pretty sure i wouldnt.

fuck your life under the microscope.

fuck your conclusions.

you have no idea.

it never got me anywhere but here.

over and over again.

every single time.

i wish for five months ago. and not in the way you would imagine either. "you are unfixable". my eyes are washed out but they dont feel clean. they are strong you know not the athletic type, but could definitely used to carrying heavy bags. im guessing in any real light i will delete this, apologies in advance. whatever caption is written next to the picture is the exact opposite of me. i am mapless. you are caught. lets go out and get forgotten.

bad news travels fast. and i am the worst of it.

i will always remember the day i met you.

"leave you feelings in your heart boy".

Posted by xoat 12:57 AM

July 22, 2006

“my phone cuts out in the same place every single day ("the gospel of gossip").”

it feels like there is so much to say.but it can only be said in songs.please dont go so quickly."The city with fires of night seemed an archipelagoWomen asked the love and for the dulieBut in my eyes of male horror I rememberThe busy ones of the evening were never prettyThen the day returned but sometimes without sunTo draw up the houses coast at coast at the edge of streetsWhere our lives with the other smilar lives are mislaidLives trailing their shade while passing in the streetIntercalated in the year they was widowed daysBloody and slow Fridays of burialsWhite and whole blacks come from the skies which cryWhen the woman of the devil beat her lover"guillame appolinairesend me a flashlight. i cant seem to find my faith.iwishicould.posted by xo @ 2:17 PM

July 23, 2006

“we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes)”

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.my personality and everything about me is just a cerfully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.i am (not) real.the puppy is purple after spilling a grape soda on himself. he then ate the tropic of cancer by miller. paperback, so i guess it went down easier.sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.all i can do is read and write and wait.ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.posted by xo @ 8:32 PM

July 26, 2006

you spend every waking moment and many sleeping ones thinking of one heart, one person. you let it slip, they let it slip. who knows where it all begins or ends. but as it falls to pieces you keep grabbing them and collecting them less like for a museum of things that used to matter and more like you are going to keep putting it back together. except there are akways a few pieces missing each time. deep breaths. slow your heart beat. the road winds. there was a time before you always felt like this. try to remember pete. you are being pulled in every direction. everything is bigger under the microscope. you want it to be simple. you make it complicated. "hey, pete- i am middle ground. how come we've never met before". sometimes i wish i could re-engineer the path from my heart to the tip of my tongue and let my head have a shot at it. i dont got bigdreams, i just want to be okay. it comes down to my word versus your word versus the worlds word and i dont think i want to anymore. im worn out. my head is full, my eyes are empty. the dog loves the salt in the corners of my eyes and on my cheeks- i am nervous about cutting it from his diet. and i could and should be, and jealous of it, from the children on the street walking hand in hand with their mothers to the homeless man content with his world of a bench. and noone knows the way i spend my nights counting the individuals grains in the tiles in the bathroom, the coolness of the floor the only comfort- or if anyone does they dont want to ehar it, i cant blame you... i dont even want to hear it anymore. in the mornings the world is blurry. it comes in and out of focus. this is when im the worst. when i awake from a dream to realize that none of it was real possibly ever.one of the things stranger than realizing you are alone in this world is realizing that you are not.pupils the size of baby worlds.every bad decision is put on file for later viewing. mapquest your way back to me, take a turn for the worse and then continue for .5 miles.i want to file a restraining order against myself.and i want to be myself again looking at my reflection in your eyes from the first time i failed you. i am nostalgic for disaster. i want it back.he sleeps sound. he has no care for what buzzes and changes in the world around him.because of this i envy him.run away from a city because of one single heartbeat. it doesnt make sense.its not that i dont trust you, actually it is. and i dont trust myself when i think of you. i sell myself out.i wish you were awake right now. i just want to let myself be happy.posted by xo @ 3:53 AM

July 28, 2006

as i run away from everything i have ever known. just whisper in my ear."and the tears come streaming down your facewhen you lose something you can't replacewhen you love some one but it goes to wastecould it be worse?Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youHigh up above or down belowWhen you're too in love to let it goBut if you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worthLights will guide you home"so obvious. so much more brilliant than i could ever imagine to be.be bright and shine. its dark. im sorry ive come so off course.tell the pilot to clear us to land in your backyard.posted by xo @ 11:02 PM

July 30, 2006

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst-you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.happybirthday.posted by xo @ 3:05 PM

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal

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