#and logan's and tom's being cool toned

[ezlebe]

Tom & Greg playing in a charity (soccer, golf, basketball, etc) game for Waystar (or Gojo)

Greg glances across locker room bench, hunching slightly into himself, as he blindly tugs at his laces. He pauses at Kendall, struggling with the eyelets, then Roman, who is pouting at someone on staff doing it for him, then over to Tom, only to frown with a blink – he’s… got his own skates. And a lace puller. Where did he get a lace puller?

“Is that a lace-puller?”

“Not everyone enjoys straining their fingies, Greg-ster,” Tom says, grinning and chirpy, continuing to yank at the crosses of his laces. He glances up to Greg after he’s finished the boot, offering the tool with a spin against the tops of his fingers. “You want a go?”

“No, I –” Greg stares at it a beat, then shakes his head while finishing lacing his own in a pair of loops. He's a bit taken aback by how... earnest Tom is, too, compared to the rest of the room, though that's not really that weird. “I don’t really like how it feels when it’s too tight.”

Tom barks out a loud laugh, shaking his head while moving on to the next skate. “Okay.”

“How old are those?” Greg asks, as he furrows his brow, then feels his face heat when he realizes a beat late that might be received pretty bad. “I-I mean, they’re not brand new?”

“That was a terribly judgmental tone, Gregory,” Tom says, reaching out and thumping Greg at the shoulder, as he throws the puller into the bag at his side with a wave of his other hand. “They were new in 2006, thank you. I did get them sharpened before we flew up here.”

“Oh, cool,” Greg says, then kicks out his feet to show a line of frayed thread at the sides of his own skates. “Mine are old, too – it was, like… really hard to find them?”

“From the Bigfoot Skate Emporium, huh?” Tom says, standing up with a slap against the thighs of his hockey pants. “Did you get them sharpened?”

“Uh, a while ago,” Greg says, turning his foot to look at the blade. “It was like the winter before I moved to New York.”

Tom drops his chin with a nod, then lifts it when Greg stands up next to him. “Huh.”

“Jesus fuck,” Roman says, looking up, as the staff member moves back and away. “You two dicks are even taller.”

“That is how skates work, Rome,” Tom says, mouth flattening with sarcasm, as he raises both his brows and his tone into a chipper mock. “They go under your feet.”

“Can you like skate now?” Greg asks, remembering a birthday at the ranch that was probably twenty years ago, where Roman had gotten the dubious privilege of being something Logan and Ewan agreed on –  that he was useless.

…On ice.

“Fuck you, I can skate,” Roman says, mouth setting into a tight-lipped scowl.

“Not really,” Kendall says, voicing his disagreement with a flat puff of a scoff.  “I think the last time Rome ice skated was that one birthday you’re totally thinking of.”

Roman swipes out, but doesn’t make any actual contact. “That’s not true! You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about – you were coked up that whole weekend.”

“I don’t think… I was,” Kendall says, sighing deeply through his nose.

“Can’t confirm, though,” Stewy says, with a mocking click of his tongue, sitting down on a bench at an empty locker with a hand wrapped around a tall ceramic coffee mug. “I wasn’t invited to that.”

“Why the hell are you here?” Roman demands, rounding on Stewy while badly straightening out his jersey, then gritting his teeth visibly when he realizes it’s on backward. “You weren’t even part of the fucking negotiations.”

“I couldn’t miss this,” Stewy says, gesturing with a wave between walks of the locker room. “A once in a lifetime chance to see the CEO of GoJo crash and burn at something stupid.”

“You want to be useful and gear up, Hosseini?” Tom says, leaning into the edge of the lockers with a lift of his chin. He looks sort of like he’s posing, or something, but that could just… be a consequence of something lurking in the back of Greg’s head, perhaps, from a few embarrassing sort of magazines with real hockey players. “We only have fucking Ray as another defenseman and Davis as a goalie, to round out people who know what hockey is.”

Ray makes a face, tight-mouthed and dissatisfied, but otherwise keeps his eyes down at the screen of a phone. Ximena is still listening to her headphones, head intermittently bobbing, and it’s pretty much the same to how she looks in any meeting.

“Come on, now,” Stewy says, waving dismissively, a sneer curling the corner of his lip while he sweeps his eyes around the locker room. “Matsson wants to bond with his newest ugly stepchildren. And I only risk my neck in real sports, like steeplechasing.”

“RIP Donut,” Kendall says, briefly bobbing his head and chin disappearing into the plastic neck of his pads.

Stewy mimes pouring out his coffee onto the mats. “RIP Donut.”

“What do you, uh… mean ‘crash and burn’?” Greg asks, rubbing his palms together with a glance toward the exit out onto the ice. He doesn’t know who all is on the GoJo team except Matsson, and probably Ingvar, but he hasn’t gotten any impression from Matsson that he would choose a sport to do this with that he was bad at in any capacity. “Did someone at GoJo get hurt, or something?”

Stewy pauses with his coffee halfway to his mouth then tilts his head, eyes markedly sweeping to Tom, then back to Greg, then down the rest of the bench, as a brow climbs up his forehead. “You don’t know – wait, do none of you know?”

“Stew,” Kendall says, exhaling a shallow, weary sigh.

“Huh,” Stewy intones, finishing his sip with a few clicks of his tongue.

“Know fucking what?” Roman snaps, as his hands wrap tight around the edge of his bench.

“Huh,” Stewy says, leaning back against the lockers with a lazy shake of his head. “Interesting.”

Greg furrows his brows slowly, then glances at Tom; the only one of them, outside Greg, who had brought gear of his own. He’s really only one of them that makes sense for Stewy to be referring to, really, since Stewy knows Tom from a long time ago in some vaguely secret capacity that Greg is wary of digging into, so that does… mean he knows things that Greg doesn’t about Tom. It always makes his stomach churn when he thinks about it.

A snide voice echoes from the door. “You all look like you’re dressed up for a costume party.”

“Fuck off,” Roman says, predictably jumping up from the bench, as he gestures up and down the pads. “You should be in this shit.”

“I chose not to return to the company, so… No, I shouldn’t,” Shiv says, taking a few more steps into the locker room with a glance at each of them, then gesturing with a flick of her hand, before crossing it again over her stomach. “I’m just here to mock with Stew.”

“I’m supporting,” Stewy insists, gradually raising a fist near his shoulder, pumping it once, then twice, as he speaks in an unmistakably mocking voice. “USA, USA.”

“I’m Canadian,” Greg mutters, kneeling down and grabbing a Waystar helmet from under the bench.

“You’re only as Canadian, as we are British,” Roman sneers, grabbing his own helmet and stick. He wobbles markedly on his skates while going toward the door, despite firmly still being on the rubber mats, which is not a hugely great sign for the game.

Greg tightens his hands on the stick that was labeled at the locker; it’s tall, at least, but having a stick that fits is only like barely what it might take to do okay. He watches hockey, like a lot, but he hasn’t played it since it was for a grade. “Are we perhaps allotted some time to practice, you think?”

“Fuck, I hope not,” Kendall says, yanking at a glove over his hand with a few shakes of his head. He winces with a glance up, as they enter the main arena. “I want to leave as soon as possible. This is as bullshit a stipulation as no personal jets.”

Greg peers around the rink, catching Matsson with his team in the other bench. He wonders if they’re any more prepared; if Matsson told them about this more than a week ago.

“I think there’s a half hour or so until the actual start,” Shiv says, answering the question more accurately beyond the silence of Kendall’s sullen response. “Maybe Rome will learn to skate.”

“What like are we playing?” Greg asks, setting his stick to the side, and nervously tightening his own gloves.

Roman sneers with a scoff. “Hockey, you idiot.”

“Positions,” Greg clarifies in a mutter, looking over Roman’s head and toward Tom with a harsh rub against his nose.

“I can be center,” Ray says, looking down while moving his stick back and forth like he’s ready for the puck. “Yeah?”

“As if, you’re playing center,” Tom disagrees, his voice setting surprisingly firm for present company, while he turns at the waist and then on his skates, fixing on Ray a particularly toothy, shark-like smile. “Do you even know what a face-off is?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s the – “ Ray stammers, drifting backward, plainly unused to being at the focus of anything, let alone Tom offering this particular sort of tone. “Like they drop the puck onto the ice.”

“They drop the puck,” Tom taunts, voice lifting just a bit more, confident and mean about it, not at all laced with his usual veneer of perky agreeability. “You can barely speak up in the weekly morning meeting; you think you can look GoJo’s center in the face – perhaps, Lukas himself – and sweep a puck out from under them?”

Ray offers a limp shrug, eyes darting between either end of the arena.

“No,” Tom says, then swings his stick out, making contact with Greg’s hip. “You’re a d-man with Greg.”

Greg exhales a grumble of protest under his breath. “Tom. I don’t want to be a – ”

“You think either of your cousins has the on-ice presence to intimidating anyone into anywhere?”

“Fuck you, Wambsgans,” Roman snaps, slumping into the edge of the wall with a clatter of pads.

“You look like a middle-schooler next to Dear Cousin Greg, Romy,” Stewy says, settling into a corner of the benches with a click of his tongue.

Shiv snorts with a quick glance up from her phone. It doesn’t get any sort of reaction, though, from a bored looking Gerri or Karl napping just a meter or so down, who serve as the only share of their crowd.

“I can’t, like…” Greg shakes his head, rubbing up his nose with a flattening of his mouth. “I won’t like be able to shove anyone into boards.”

“Look at those nerds,” Tom says, waving his stick around toward the GoJo team on the other bench; it’s not a wholly inaccurate judgment, since Matsson, outside himself, doesn’t seem to have padded the team with stockholders who happen to be the general shape of… well, a Tom-sort of person. “You won’t have to shove anyone, you just have to skate near them; buddy, it’s not a real game.”

“Okay, like who made you the coach?” Kendall grumbles, rolling his stick between his hands.

“The coach doesn’t play, Ken,” Tom says, “I’m yoinking the C for captain.”

“I don’t want to be a d-man,” Greg says, hearing his voice begin to lower, but it’s more worth getting his way with Tom, at the moment, than anything his cousins might turn into a taunt. “Can’t I be goalie?”

“No, buddy,” Tom says, speaking slow, responding more with condescension than acquiescence. “You’re big and, as long as no one looks in that face of yours, just a little scary on the ice. You’re on fake-out duty.”

Greg exhales a shallow sigh. “But – ”

Tom rolls his eyes with an insultingly low snort. “It’s not a debate, Greg.”

Greg looks around at Kendall and Roman, but Kendall just puts his hands up, and Roman doesn’t seem to be paying attention at all. He glances for Ray, but he seems to have gone out on the ice while no one was looking at him. “Why can’t it be – ?”

“No,” Tom interrupts, flattening his voice with a jerk of his chin in the direction of the ice. “Davis is the goalie – she played that for fieldhockey.”

“But…” Greg mutters, thinning his voice and softening his mouth, trying to get Tom to budge, “That’s different.”

“It is, but I’ve seen you try to catch – ” Tom cuts himself off, eyes sweeping to the side and narrowing while his lips roll across his teeth.

Greg raises his brows slowly, rocking slightly on his skates while drawing his shoulders back.

Tom lifts a gloved hand, holding it for a pair of beats, then clears his throat. “You know what? I’m not going to address it, except to repeat the no.”

Greg slumps back into the wall with a harsh scoff to the back of his throat. “You should, like… let me to make up for that.”

“He shouldn’t even be in charge,” Roman interjects, in a low, snide grumble.

“I think I already made up for it a lot,” Tom says, ignoring Roman while throwing both his hands out with a sweep and nearly smacking Kendall with the stick. “In every possible way.”

Greg glances out to the ice, rubbing his fingers up against the edge of his helmet. “Not every, obviously.”

Tom shifts his jaw, then rolls his eyes hard. “Gregory, get on the fucking ice, and I’ll assist for like as many goals as I can.”

Greg raises his brows with a peek to the side. “Yeah?”

“Of course, you silly goose,” Tom taunts, voice pitching, his stick tapping at the edge of Greg’s skate boot. He reaches back, balancing on the boards while stepping onto the ice. “As long as you’re out there guarding any one of Matsson’s weedy little dicksuck board members.”

“I get that you’re some kind of a bitter asshole, Wambsgans?” Kendall says, cutting in front of Greg without even a glance toward him, while following Tom out with a wobble. “What about me and Rome?”

“Don’t fall, to start with,” Tom says, flatly, skating backward toward the middle of the rink. He pauses abruptly while offering a significant point to where Roman is uneasily shuffling down onto the ice. “Actually, don’t slam anyone close to either doors onto the bench.”

“It’s fucking hilarious you really think this is actually going to be a competition,” Roman mutters, getting a little more balanced on the ice, sweeping his legs forward, but… Yeah, they’re going to lose really hard.

“True, sure, but – ” Tom reaches up and pats hard at his own shoulder. “It’s a whistle stop for dislocation town.”

“Or whatever happened to Määttä,” Greg says, voice low, and scratching at the side of his jaw with a wince.

Tom comes to a pause near the middle of the rink, and sucks at his teeth with an exaggerated hiss. “Did you have to bring that up, you big buzzkill?”

Greg lifts his shoulders with a shake of his hands in front of him. “It was a, like – a Wild game…”

“Fuck off, how did I not know you were a big fucking stereotype before today?”

“Those are not the skates I provided,” Matsson interjects, before Greg can answer, skating between them while his head tilts back and forth; he’s donned in a Gojo branded solid black jersey, new pads, altogether identical to the ones that he’d left in the locker room for them to find today in a Waystar navy. “Interesting.”

“Oh, yeah – why?” Kendall says, leaning into his stick with a glance down toward his own skates. “Are these rigged to blow after first period?”

“Hah,” Matsson says, typically neutral, a flat smile briefly crossing his mouth. “That might keep it interesting.”

“Fuck you,” Roman mutters, lifting his hands to grip and shift at the pads across his chest. “Why couldn’t you pick a real game, like baseball.”

Matsson raises an eyebrow for a silent beat, then tilts his head. “I have some interest in games based largely on statistics, but strictly for gambling.”

Kendall scoffs under his breath, shaking his head. “Great,” he says, smacking his stick lightly against the ice in an evident attempt to get Matsson to focus back at him. “How the hell are we going to run this circus?”

“Informal, obviously,” Matsson says, stretching his back with a lazy tilt of his head. “But I think some contact would be okay, as we are all wearing the appropriate gear. Outside that, I have some… doubts that any majority here know the rules.”

“Not wrong on this end,” Tom interjects, voice lifting into a taunting sort of pitch, trailing at the edge with a sharp, barking laugh. “We have a field hockey player goaltending, and a Canadian loose on the rest of the ice.”

Greg rolls his eyes downward, sweeping his stick against a line carved shallow by his own skate.

“I picked Adeoye because he is large,” Matsson says, looking over his shoulder at his own team with a low tut under his breath, then back with a lift of one shoulder. “I’m not sure the sport even exists in his home country, but he does seem to skate better than Roman.”

Roman exhales a hissy growl that he badly attempts to disguise as a laugh.

“Roberston is a similar situation,” Lukas continues, unheeded, turning one of his gloved hands palm up. “But she played rugby in some place called Bundaberg, so is not too wary of doling out a hit or two.”

“Bundaberg,” Greg echoes, rolling his lips around the word, as he glances over his shoulder toward the GoJo team. They all sort of look the same.

“Hah,” Tom says, as he skates back and forth a meter or so in some version of pacing. “You want to throw the sticks out onto the ice to grab at ‘em, for the real nostalgia effect?”

“I’m not familiar with… whatever that is,” Lukas says, plainly condescending, as he looks up and down Tom, then at the ice with a raised brow to their feet. “Though the mental image of Hirsch being forced to do with Roman’s stick is an amusing one.”

“Explain to me again how this is team building, if we’re on like opposite teams?” Kendall asks, plucking at his Waystar jersey with a flattening of his mouth.

“It gives you an opportunity to take out some of your frustration about the restructuring of your company after the death of your father.”

Greg drops his head with a widening of his eyes at his skates, then looks back up when Tom badly muffles a snort behind his face mask. He has to bite at his lips, curling his nose, and looks away before either of them can fall into real laughter.

“What the fuck?” Roman snarls, lurching forward and nearly onto his face, saved only by the fact he’s got a stick.

“Would you prefer I lie?” Lukas asks, blandly, blinking down in a way that somehow manages to be mocking and neutral.

Kendall offers an awkward grimace, skating forward with a ungainly tug at Romans jersey to draw him back. “Do you want to just get this over with? I know it’s not… on the hour, or whatever, but –”

“If you’d like,” Lukas says, tilting his head just so with a glance to either end of the rink. “If you feel your team is… properly acclimated to the ice.”

“As much as it can be,” Kendall says, half under his breath, looking to the side while rubbing at the top of his helmet with a gloved hand. “Tom was, you know… trying to give us positions – is that really necessary?”

Tom sneers with a significant glance toward Greg that speaks to the volumes of insults he’s keeping tucked behind his tongue.

Matsson offers a soft, somewhat mocking tut. “…Some organization is recommended.”

“Sure, no, yeah,” Kendall says, reaching up and rubbing at the top of this helmet. “But is it – are you doling out positions, except a goalie?”

Matsson blinks particularly slow, seemingly bemused, then seems to realize this is more of an argument between Kendall and Tom. He is silent for another moment, then gestures, somewhat oddly, toward the ref. “You will, at least, need to choose someone to fight initially for the puck.”

“Sure,” Kendall says, wetting his lips, then offers a few half-nods, skating backward with an awkward sort of swing backward of his stick. “Yeah. Wambsgans can do that. Whatever.”

“Thanks,” Tom says, so cheerful that it’s clearly just snide. He skates up with a roll of his shoulders in the pads, head turning back and forth in an evident stretch. “Let’s remember we could’ve warmed up, but… yeah. Whatever.”

Greg wishes that they could, too, as he skates backward to take a vaguely defensive position, while the rest of GoJo does the same. He probably won’t actually guard anyone, but he keeps his eye on Adeoye, anyway, who really isn’t quite as wobbly as Roman, but he still looks kind of like he might fall over if Greg skated too close to him.

Matsson steps across from Tom, and there must be some signal to the referee to start, though it is unclear. A clock blinks on in bright red distraction, 15:00, a low horn, and the puck is thrown in the center.

Greg tenses in anticipation, hunching over his stick, but then he feels like he only blinks and Tom is across the rink, on the other side of all five members of GoJo, with a puck sliding into the net. He stares at Tom celebrating a little too emphatically, too loudly, but not necessarily unexpectedly, and isn’t quite sure what he just saw; he does suffer a fleeting sense of sullenness – what had happened to him getting a goal? He peeks to the bleachers on a whim, catching Shiv staring up from her phone in just as much disbelief. Her eyes catch his, then, and there’s an excruciatingly awkward moment before they both hurriedly look away at the same time.

“What the fuck just happened?” Roman says, wobbling up next to Greg with a wag of his stick where the GoJo team is staring at Tom like he just did a magic trick.

Because Tom might have done a magic trick.

“I – I guess he plays hockey?” Greg says, swallowing hard, heat flaring up into his ears; yeah, Tom really plays hockey. Crap. He didn’t think the Tom thing could get worse, and it just got way worse in a sudden swoop he never even expected.

Roman scoffs harsh under his breath. “Like you didn’t know?”

Greg looks down, biting at the inside of his lip. “What does that like mean?”

“You know what it means,” Roman mocks, mouth curling at the edge in a mocking sneer. “You two’re so attached at the hip that you practically share one giant asshole.”

Greg stares back steadily for a pair of beats. “I think… you’re just unhappy no one likes you.”

Roman snarls outright and lurches, both hands hitting Greg in the middle with surprising, somewhat painful force through the pads.

Greg only just manages to keep balance with a brief, ungainly stumble on his skates. He sets his jaw and shoves back without really thinking, feeling angry and nine-years-old in a way Roman can only make him, as palms make contact with padded shoulders.

“Asshole!” Roman snaps, as he falls onto the ice with a choked shriek. He kicks out with his skate, then trying to dive forward over himself, gloved hands glancing at Greg’s knee. “Sasquatch fuck!”

Greg skates backward with a few pumps of his legs out of the way, doing his best to ignore a thought about how easy it would be to kick back and actually reach.

“Alright, alright,” Tom says, as he quickly appears in front of Greg with a wave at Roman with his stick. “Same team, you two caricatures of men.”

“He started it,” Roman says, stumbling back up with the help of Kendall yanking at under his armpits, though there’s a shaky moment where visibly threatens to upend them both. “He – ”

Greg feels his jaw tighten, shaking his head while halfway reaching up to scratch at his brow before he remembers the gloves.

“No one believes that’s true,” Kendall interrupts, idly swiping ice from Roman’s back before he jerks away with a gesture behind himself. “Not even Ray.”

“Oh, sure,” Ray says, appearing both eager and wary at being included in the joke. “Ximena, too. And she’s not paying attention.”

“More concerning,” Matsson interjects, skating up with Ingvar close to his shoulder, and both giving Tom a marked side-eye. “The teams are evidently suffering a markedly considerable lack of equal footing.”

“And?” Kendall says, flatly, with a twitchy manner of imitating a careless shrug. “You totally… chose most of the team, man.”

“I was not properly informed, which is a… to say the least, marked trend for Waystar Royco,” Matsson says, leaning into his stick, mouth flat and narrowly regarding Kendall, and altogether appearing like an entirely unwelcome, unintentional impression of Grandpa Ewan. He looks over to Tom with a low tut. “Wambsgans, you play the first two periods, but not the last.”

“Hey, now,” Tom protests, skating in a vague half-circle from one side of Greg to the other, then back again, waving his stick low to the ice. “How is it my fault no one wanted to warm up?”

“…Or Hirsch switches teams to even it out,” Matsson adds, looking toward Greg with a slow blink and a point of his stick. “Also fair. You yourself implied he was one of the only others who could play.”

Greg tightens his grip on his stick, regarding Lukas’ team beyond him with a slight bite against his cheek. He peeks toward Kendall, who seems mostly apathetic, then Tom, who is already looking back, somewhat unsurprisingly, but it still makes him hurriedly drop his eyes toward the ice with a shift on his skates while heat flares against his neck.

“Alright, I’ll throw the game,” Tom says, sweet-voiced but annoyed, then rolls his eyes with a sweep toward the banners on the ceiling. He throws his hands out with an over dramatic kick out that sets him a few meters further away. “Got to keep this family together.”

The game restarts and it sucks that the periods are only fifteen minutes; it takes less time for Tom to, in a way, cheat for them. The weirdest part is that he doesn’t even seem rusty, like he should be, doesn’t flinch when he gets checked by Bundaberg, hip glancing into the boards, and doesn’t fumble – it’s like he’s practiced, but they only found out they were doing this a week ago.

He does actually try to play with the team like they’re a real team, but only to some degree; he passes to Greg a couple of times, but Greg only dribbles it a few meters down before he hurriedly passes back, never really trying to shoot, and probably, accidentally actually being defense. Tom even passes to Kendall, who only manages to panic in that quiet way he does, tripping over himself, accidentally hitting it back, where GoJo slips it out from under him and Ximena actually gets to do something in the net.

He gets six goals altogether before he’s kicked off by the, so far, mute ref who likely just doesn’t speak English.

“Should I fake an injury?” Tom jokes, as he skates off, suddenly grabbing his shoulder with a slump. He pauses, halfway to the bench, spinning around on his skates, and points to where Roman is lazily, if miserably, hanging at the boards. “Not that I care, but can we bring the little guy off, too? I think he’s tired.”

“Shut up, scroteface,” Roman protests, but it’s half-hearted at best, and he’s making a face like he’s almost sea sick.

“He’s an equalizer,” Matsson says, looking in the same direction with a wry curl at the edge of his mouth. “No.”

Tom throws his hands up in the direction of Roman, as if to convey that he tried, then backs around to the door and climbs off ice.

Greg peers from the corner of his eye, as Tom yanks his helmet off, watching him run his fingers through sweaty, mussed hair above a flushed face. It makes him swallow hard, a flush rising under his own skin, and then he feels it gain a resentful edge when Shiv and Stewy visibly lean in and start chirping Tom with leering eye rolls and smirks, respectively, while he’s stuck out here.

He should’ve just gone to the other team.

Tom turns around, as he sets his helmet onto the wall, and his eyes catch across the rink on Greg. He smiles wide, waving big, then offers a thumbs-up.

Greg waves back while the heat worsens in his face, curling his shoulders and hunching into his pads. He turns back to the center with a start at a low clear of Kendall’s throat, and pretends he cares that Ray is on the line now waiting for the puck. He skates backward, as it drops, and grasps quickly that the environment on the ice is totally different now that Tom isn’t on it.

It could just be Greg, personally feeling like this is less fun, but truly everyone seems more relaxed on GoJo’s side. He watches Ray fail to get the puck, like Tom predicted, and hears Roman curse and fall behind him, then sees Kendall hesitate with a visible reluctance to get in the middle of it, and realizes with a groan under his breath that he might… really have to try to get the puck, to play for real, if he wants all the goals Tom got to actually matter.

It is kind of annoying.

He really was never really a player outside mandatory gym in school, but he can skate pretty okay, and… if he’s fast enough, maybe no one will be able to check him. He really doesn’t want to get checked, like not even a little.

He has a fleeting, untimely thought about getting checked by Tom… into the boards, sort of pinned, maybe, but… No, yeah.

No.

He skates a wide, easy arch around the GoJo team, realizing it’s about as cohesive as Waystar when it comes to stick handling and passing, even simply skating with the puck, and it’s weirdly easy to slip in. He takes opportunity when someone labeled Jamison is fumbling around, and yanks the puck from her between strides.

“Hey!” Jamison chokes, losing balance on her skates and falling onto the ice, then bursting out laughing while throwing out her hands. “Sorry, Luke! He’s really big up close!”

Greg knows he’s a pretty fast skater, mostly because his legs are long, so he’s across the ice before anyone that’s scrambling after him. He doesn’t really know if he can get the puck in, though, and just whacks it when he hears someone skate in close behind him.

“Good job, buddy!” Tom yells, voice echoing the rink, before Greg even realizes the puck has shot cleanly into the net.

Greg stares at the puck as the goalie hands it back to the silent ref. He’s a little shocked, really, and jumps a bit when he hears a low huh next to him.

“You weren’t… trying, before,” Kendall says, narrowing his eyes, looking up at Greg with a slant to his mouth. “Were you?”

“I didn’t like need to?” Greg says, looking back to the bench and waving first at Tom, this time, who pumps his fist back at him.

Kendall stares at Greg’s ear for a weirdly charged beat, then harshly clears his throat while turning away. “Jesus, sure. Of fucking course.”

Greg regrets the play, just a little, because now everyone is watching him. It’s sort of exciting, being even considered good, and being actively blocked, but mostly he’s… kind of annoyed? If Tom hadn’t shown off, either, and was still out here, they might’ve like been able to sort of work together on everyone concentrating on Tom and not even noticing Greg, but instead he’s out here having to figure out how to take the puck on his own, because like the only other people who seem to be able to even skate are Ray and half of GoJo.

It just sucks. It’s probably, like… technically more fair, but it still sucks.

GoJo only manages to get two goals in the last period, though – both assists off Matsson, who isn’t quite as fast as Greg, but is enough that he scares him into abandoning the puck.

It’s not exactly Greg’s best effort, but just shows more that Tom should’ve been out there, because he does not want to get checked. He also could have passed, he maybe had openings, but… Ray is a dick. He didn’t want to do it.

Tom is waiting in the bench, out of most of his pads and skates, now only in a black long sleeve and socks. “Hey, bud,” he says, reaching out and clasping a hand on Greg’s shoulder, as he climbs up off the ice. “I had no idea you could use those legs!”

“Um, thanks,” Greg says, his voice suddenly failing him at the toothy, approving grin turned up at him. He doesn’t usually see that expression unless he’s done something morally vague, so this is… sort of existentially really nice. “I guess I can.”

“Also, damn,” Tom says, taking a step back with another scoff under his breath, holding out his arms while looking Greg up and down from his skates to his helmet. “Is this how everyone else feels talking to you? It is annoying how tall you are, do you know that?”

Greg can feel his face just getting redder, managing a weak sort of shrug and a laugh.

“Oh, hey! Shiv says she saw they have some bastardization of chili cheesy fries, here,” Tom says, raising his brows with a markedly, bewilderingly  excited tone. He points backward toward an evident concession stand, where Karl and Shiv are already standing waiting for something for themselves. “Be right back.”

“Okay?” Greg says, tugging his gloves off, then looking around with a stumble when he gets a shove to move at the middle of his back. He mumbles out a sorry by reflex, but like really doesn’t know why Roman couldn’t just walk around him.

“Do we get anything for winning?” Roman demands, from Matsson, as if he had done anything but test his pads.

Greg tucks his helmet into his elbow, sweeping his fingers through his hair while trying to both loosen it and put it back in place.

Matsson appears to think for a beat, then tips his head with some finality. “Satisfaction.”

“I put up…sixt-seventeen reels,” Stewy says, from his corner, feet kicked up, and it’s apparent he’s talking more to Kendall than the room in general, even if he’s pretending that’s not the case. “You get free humanizing of the elites. You’re welcome.”

Kendall exhales a groan, slumping onto the bench next to Stewy while trying to tug out of his jersey with his gloves still on his hands. “What the fuck is wrong with you, dude – trying to tank our stock?”

Greg sets his helmet down and pulls his jersey off, too, folding it over an arm; he looks down and pauses, staring at the one labeled Wambsgans over a pile of chest and shoulder pads. He peeks to where Tom is at the concessions with Shiv and Frank, as he slowly picks that up, as well, to fold at his arm.

“You should sound like that, man. You sucked at this toothy and sloppy,” Stewy says, then turns his phone around to show the screen. “Bomb finally got some good PR, though I’m not sure it’ll make up for anything else.”

Greg feels his mouth flatten, as he briefly scans the comments that Stewy’s swiped up under a reel of Tom skating with the puck around the GoJo team. He catches athleticism used in various forms a lot, but a few too many mentions of his age, too.

Kendall starts tugging free of his gear with a flat turn to his mouth and a frustrated glare past Greg toward the concessions. “How’d you even know Tom was good at hockey, man. I don’t think Shiv knew, and I know Greg didn’t.”

Greg feels his expression tighten further, looking down and picking at the pads around his elbow.

“A million years ago it was a stupidjock pickup line: Tommy Wamb-y gave up millions in the NHL to make millions on the mean streets of New York,” Stewy says, looking briefly up from the screen with a wide eye roll and a mocking scoff. “Absolutely no chance. Naturally, the clique wanted him to shut up, so Lillie looked into it with all the power of 2002’s World Wide Web – turns out, he did play since basically he was born until he got an MBA. No NHL scouting, though.”

“It’s such… bullshit you knew him and never said anything, Stew,” Kendall mutters, yanking at the laces of his boots with a tight pinch, which Greg sort of totally understands, at his lips.

“Fuck’s sake, Ken, you met him,” Stewy say, voice pitching snide, and shaking his head once while his brows raise high up his forehead, though his eyes stay on the screen. “Multiple times. You were… evidently, on way more shit than I thought.”

Kendall sighs under his breath in a way that sounds a lot like a fuck off, pushing away from the bench to approach the boards. “Hey man, Lukas, you’re not… dissatisfied with how this went?” He asks, turning to Matsson, who’s still leaning against the boards, but now with his gloves off. He’s got a phone in his hands, scrolling with a thumb, and a short lean and peer reveals he’s looking at Stewy’s Instagram. “Yeah?”

“No,” Matsson says, looking up with a flat near-smirk and a considering tilt of his head. “I found this… a very interesting experience; perhaps, we should revisit. I’m not often so surprised.”

“What?!” Roman hisses, rearing back, nearly falling off the rubber. “Revisit? Fuck you – fuck that.”

“Roman, get dressed,” Gerri interjects, reaching out and thumping at the corner of Roman’s shoulder pad with her knuckles, and immediately, blessedly shutting him up. “You and Kendall are needed on a plane in two hours to fly to Amsterdam. …And likely Hosseini, since he that’s certainly why he’s actually crashed this aspect of the merger.”

Stewy clicks his tongue without looking up from his phone.

“Great,” Roman snarls, throwing up his hands while stomping toward the locker room.

Greg watches Roman go, as he awkwardly cracks himself out of the rest of his upper body pads. It was sort of fun, but he’s not sure if he wants to do it again, either; he especially doesn’t, if Tom getting sidelined for just being able to like play is going to be the usual.

“Hey, bad news,” Tom says, appearing behind Greg’s bench with a exaggerated groan of disappointment. “Evidently, they were out of chili and they won’t just do cheese and fries.”

“Oh,” Greg intones, peeking backward up with a pair of blinks. His eyes get drawn past Tom, watching Shiv wag a phone at Kendall, who tries to snatch it out of her hand. “Um… that sucks?”

“But cocoa,” Tom says, offering one of the two to-go cups in his hand. “That I would bet it all is only some Nordic version of Swiss Miss.”

Greg shrugs and reaches out, only for Tom to yank it back. He curls his nose, looking up under his brows, “Tom?”

Tom makes a face and gestures toward the locker room with a jerk of his chin. “Uh-uh, you’re not out of all that shit, yet.”

“Like, you aren’t either,” Greg says, looking down at the pile everyone has collectively just dropped at the bench, rather than put back where they found in the locker room. “Or anyone.”

“Jesus Louisus, just go,” Tom says, gesturing with the cups, a second time, then starting to move toward the hall with an actual step forward.

Greg reaches up and scratches down the line of his jaw. “What about your skates?”

“Oh shit, yeah,” Tom says, backtracking with a pair of steps and offering a cup with an emphatic wiggle. “Take it, buddy.”

Greg grabs the cup and tries for a sip, then flinches and hisses at a boiling burn at the tip of his tongue. Alright, so… turns out maybe Tom had been trying to be nice in that particular halfway way where he is trying to pretend he isn’t doing it.

Tom gathers the skates toward his chest like a pair of puppies in one arm; he then makes a face, looking around, then grunts with a shrug and kicks out with a socked foot for Greg to move toward the locker room. “Forward.”

The cups get set on top of lockers while they dress down, back into sweaters and overcoats, collectively ignoring the showers, though they probably really shouldn’t; it’s not clear why Tom or anyone else doesn’t, but Greg still has too many visceral memories of his experiences with public shower fungus from the hostel. He would only like to experience that once in his life, and he didn’t think about bringing his shower shoes for the rink.

He tucks the jerseys into the same bag as his skates, thinking about offering Tom’s to him, but he’ll do it later just in case Tom says something weird about him being sappy, or something, for taking keepsakes. He can just keep Tom’s with him until they get back to New York.

Tom slings his bag over his shoulder, then starts hounding Greg for being too slow. He picks up the cups, shuffling forward, then back, going on about dekes, all of a sudden, but Greg must have missed a couple of threads of thought, so isn’t sure what led up to it.

The rink is on the shore of a lake lined with public benches, and Greg finds himself drawn to sitting on one of them. The cars are probably waiting, and he watches Ximena get in one behind, it looks like, Karl and Shiv. It’s an almost pleasant sort of cold out here, though, reminds him a little of home, and he hasn’t exercised so much probably since high school, so he is going to, in a way, reward himself.

Tom doesn’t even ask, just plops down onto the bench beside Greg with a smack if his lips. He hands over the cocoa, then pulls out his phone, swiping and tapping at notifications.

Greg takes a sip of the cooled cocoa, peeking at Tom, then looks down as he rolls the cup between his palms. “So… you’ve never like said you played any sports?”

Tom exhales a loud, harsh sigh, shoving his phone into the inside pocket of his coat.

“And, um…” Greg shrugs, finding himself irked again that he didn’t know, but also that, considering how Tom played, it isn’t just an old college thing like Stewy had implied. “It didn’t seem like you were, uh… really like out of practice, at all?”

“Am I being interrogated, right now?” Tom mockingly demands, then grumbles under his breath in a manner that leads into a low sigh. “I may have recently joined a little fun time league, after I… got demoted.” He clears his throat, stretching against the bench with a single-shouldered shrug. “Sky Rink. The games are late Thurs. 10, sometimes 11pm.”

Greg thinks he might’ve noticed Tom tired some Fridays, but that could’ve been anything – he kind of texts at all hours. “Oh.”

“It wasn’t a secret,” Tom says, a bit too quickly, too cheeky, to really be the truth. “I just didn’t think you’d give a shit.”

“Was that bruise like the first time we, um… we ever –?”

“How the fuck do you remember that?” Tom interrupts, voice stretching out in exaggerated disbelief, but he’s smiling, too, and he rolls his eyes toward the lot with a tut. “That was just some pickup game – supposed to be no contact, by the fucking way, yet a dickhead from Queens decided I needed a shiner.”

Greg chews at his lips for a pair of beats. “…What’d you, like… say to him?”

“I play a clean game, Gregory,” Tom says, turning his nose up with a harsh, amused twist at the corner of his mouth. “I don’t even remember. It must have been a real damned sore spot, though.”

“Could I – I like come watch?” Greg asks, hunching and leaning down into his hands, rather than bringing them up, and taking a shallow sip of the chocolate while glancing slightly up and sideways at Tom. “Your games?”

Tom looks back with a rapid pair of blinks, brow furrowing deep over his eyes in evident, almost offensive bemusement. “If you want to,” he says, slowly, “It’s not… It’s kind of boring, though; really it’s not exciting, buddy? It’s not the NHL.”

“Like, I assume they don’t kick you off the ice?”

Tom exhales a weak snort, looking out across the lake. “Only for penalties.”

“Then yeah, like…” Greg shrugs and takes another sip. “I want to watch, Tom.”

Tom takes a breath and rubs his hands down against his thighs. “Oh fine, we can make a night of it – give you dinner and a show.”

Greg nods with a bob of his head, as he takes another hunched sip from his cup. He stares steadily across the lake and shifts carefully on the bench to press his knee against Tom’s next to him; a moment later, a hand slides up and sets just as softly against the knob of his spine.

He peeks up, once the cocoa has gotten almost refrigerater-cold. “What do you play?”

“Defense, usually,” Tom says, tapping against the line of Greg’s shoulders with a turn of his fingers. “Sometimes winger.”

“Oh,” Greg mumbles, into the sipper of the cup. “Do you like have jerseys?”

“Yes,” Tom says, slowly, his voice gaining a dubious slant that threatens to turn quick into a taunt. “We have jerseys.”

“Like, what colors?” Greg asks, catching his teeth on the plastic edge of the lid.

Tom is quiet for a few beats, then his hand shifts, and his voice is far too close. “…Why?”

Greg blankly stares across the lake. “So I can form a, uh – a mental image?”

“Green and gold,” Tom says, his next breath a low laugh.

Greg hums and tries to imagine Tom in that, rather than Waystar, when sweaty and red faced stepping off the ice. “What’s the like, mascot?”

“A wolf,” Tom says, while his hand suddenly slides in a distracting sweep across the curve of Greg’s shoulders. “Are you painting a nice picture of me, Gregory?”

Greg scratches across one of his brows, as he shrugs and digs his ear into the inside of his shoulder. “Uh, perhaps.”

“Now, tell me,” Tom says, as he curls in closer, warm and all but hugging Greg from the back, arm hooked around a shoulder while his chin digs into the opposite one, close to Greg’s ear. “Does someone have an interest in hockey beyond good play?”

Greg debates attempting to lie, but it’s kind of exciting… that thought of Tom being explicitly aware. “Um, like that could be a manner in which I might describe it.”

“That is…” Tom takes a deep breath, then exhales it with a pitchy bark of a laugh. “It’s not unwelcome.”

Greg manages a pitching hum, turning his heel to set his thigh flush to Tom’s on the bench.

[morethanwonderful]

Out of the main Succession cast, I think Logan, Roman, and Tom are the only ones that can actually own up to the fact that they're not "good" people by society's standard, rather than living in denial. Shiv thinks she's better than the rest, Greg still (usually) pretends to have some principles/be just a regular guy, Connor is delusional, and though Kendall can see the evil, he keeps clinging to the idea that he can be the hero and fix it (and crumbling when his "heroism" fails).

Logan, Roman, and Tom, however, can all admit that "good" is not what they're after with Waystar. But even among them, the way they approach their morality varies wildly, and I think Tom is the most lucid of all of them.

On Logan's part, I think he just genuinely does not give a damn about what's "moral." He cares about his own continued well-being and the growth of his company. He cares about profit and preserving the illusion of a family. Whether the actions taken to achieve those goals are moral is not a thing that he puts much thought into.

Logan does what Logan thinks is best, and if others want to cast him as the villain for that, then he'll be the goddamn villain. Who gives a shit? Morality is for suckers.

Roman, then, also eschews morality, because every part of him is defined by Logan. He knows intellectually that the family business is bad for society, but it's good for his dad, so why should he care? Anything his dad says goes. Good for Waystar and "the family" means something is good, and bad for Waystar and "the family" means something is bad.

But while I don't think Logan ever considers "right or wrong" as an issue, Roman is aware of the wrongness, so he purposefully doubles down. He can't let himself consider morality as something that actually matters (because then it would be bad that he's terrible), so he has to mock the people that care about goodness. Right and wrong are stupid and for sjws. All the cool dudes are awful and disgusting. Roman doesn't want to genuinely be evil, so he's convinced himself that, actually, being evil is the cool and sexy best thing to do.

Tom, on the other hand, knows that he's terrible, and I don't think he has any illusions about it. That is a man that has a moral compass (see the cruises press conference idea). It's just that he often makes the active choice to do the wrong thing if he thinks that wrongness will benefit him.

Roman grew up in Royland, and he's probably been telling himself that being awful is awesome for almost his entire life. It's second nature at this point; it's just how he is. But Tom is still relatively new at this. He's been a corporate sleaze for a while, but has only recently ascended to the ranks where he starts to get his hands in all the really nasty shit. His rationale isn't "bad is best." It's "being bad gets me money and power, and the wealth and power are the things that make me cool." He doesn't like the idea of being terrible on its own, but he likes the idea of being rich and powerful and important, and he's accepted that being terrible is what will get him to that end goal.

Tom embraces and delights in being an awful because he knows how important and powerful the terrible people around him are. Having principles is stupid, he thinks, because principles won't get you a guest seat at the RECNY ball.

He'd probably be happier if he could tone down the evil, but if doing awful things is what wins him Logan's favor, so be it. He'll be awful and try to make the best of it. He's awful On Purpose in a way that requires more direct intent than Roman's automatic scumminess.

Tom might like to think deep down that he's a nice guy, but when he sets that aside to do something reprehensible, he is explicitly aware that he has chosen to side with the genuine Badness. He's not covering his eyes when he looks toward his moral compass. He's looking at it and choosing to go the wrong way because that's What Rich Important People Do.

Tom is fucking awful, but for all his repression and insanity, I think he's the most lucid about his own awfulness.

[witchlyboo]

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taglist:

@eridanuswave @cjand10 @deluxeplanteater @rorodendra @navs-bhat @coxxxxxpi @leviosatothestars

Thanks for all the love and support, if you have opinions, suggestions, or want to be part of the tag list (Or don’t want to be part anymore) let me know, I appreciate every message.

[slutneto]

New viewer, yet to watch S3. How much do you think Greg is aware of Tom's obsession with him ? What does he make of it ? What is your understanding of Tom's obsession with him, is there really a romantic or sexual angle or is it in my evil head :D I mean yes I know they are widely shipped. [I am super cool with spoilers and kinda know what happens in s3 so you can include spoilers in your answer]

girl, this will be very long and i'm on mobile, prepare for a wild ride.

i think greg is aware that tom is fond of him, yes, but is willfully ignoring ANYTHING that suggests attraction. but what i find very telling is the fact that he does not do it from the start. he doesn't dismiss the idea of kissing tom once, even thought tom asks him four times; he is the one that says that maybe tom is trying to seduce him (and when tom says yes he does not leave, instead he goes clubbing with him and lets tom take him home for the night); he only asks logan to help him leave right before tom's wedding. i firmly believe greg was very much down in season one and only toned it down after tom got married; a very sensible notion tbh.

but he must be somewhat aware. especially since tom in season three has started showing him there is more to it than fondness and physical attraction. he must have wondered for at least a bit about what exactly was happening between them after tom said he would marry him. must have realised he means a lot to tom when he agreed to go to jail for him and asked for nothing in return. must have seen through all of tom's bullshit when he kissed him. must have realised the enormity of tom's affection when he asked him to join with him, to trust him while he called him sporus again. he simply must have.

what does he make of it? i suspect that most of the time greg writes it off as just tom being tom, for the sake of his sanity. tom can be so chaotic sometimes, greg must do that, otherwise he would have gone mad. but he does it too often, there are times when tom is visibly trying to convey something deep and urgent and greg dismisses it, when he should have been listening. (3.7 actually deals with that a bit, it puts him on the right path with 3 short conversations that revolve around people telling greg meaningful things when he isn't expecting it at all: first tom telling him he should not ask comfry out, where greg assumes tom is joking when in fact the only part of that convo where tom wasn't telling the truth was his reasoning behind this statement; second one was kendall calling greg a parasite and a leech and greg naturally assuming he was joking, only for ken to make him understand that not every cutting comment is a joke, which visibly goes to his head so much, that when tom tells him he ruined his chance at happiness greg, instead of once again taking it as a joke, tries to have a serious conversation with tom and asks him how has he ruined it for him)

i think greg is discovering that whatever he has with tom is way more advanced and deeper than how he has let himself perceive it. I haven't even touched upon the italian proposal. insane.

what do i think about it? i believe that at the heart of it, tom and greg are both unaware of how their relationship affects them. or, rather, if they do, it's extremely inconvenient to them. they both started it thinking they were using each other, greg to get his foot in, tom to have somebody to blame when shit hits the fan (ironic how greg throws away a cosy position for an unsure future with tom and how tom was willing to take the blame for greg's crimes), but it all goes sideways. they end up being each other's only ally. nobody cares about greg more than tom, but the reverse is also true, and they both care about each other deeply.

i there a romantic angle? undoubtedly. tom visibly deteriorating because greg has asked somebody out cannot be mistaken for anything else, not even tom being unhappy with shiv because at that time we are at the calm before the storm stage where they seem pretty okay with each other. it had everything to do with greg moving away from tom in a way that he could not stop. greg, standing next to tom's wife, looking tom dead in the eyes and admitting that the things he wants the more from a romantic partner are: depth, substance, understanding and acceptance (the things he gets from tom only) before starting the most meaningless and shallow courting attempt with the contessa; paired with tom proposing to greg and highlighting that even though greg isn't the best, that he knows greg is mostly interested only in himself, tom has been there for him regardless, and wants greg by his side, not only for worse but for better too.

the sexual attraction is the easiest to spot here, in my opinion. tom, always staring at greg's lips, always touching him, always saying wildly inappropriate, very sexual things to him, that would result in hr firing his ass immediately if greg ever told anyone about it. greg, with his slutty hair tucks, with going 👀 every time tom calls him a good boy, with the wildest ways he reacts to tom telling him he likes something he did, with calling himself a pretty boy and telling himself he would probably enjoy gay sex while putting on his best tom voice, with his brain shitting down completely before blurting out PROVE IT when tom tells him he has a big dick and is phenomenal at fucking.

no way they aren't it for each other. they just don't know it yet.

[harrylee94]

Log Entry XXXXXX - Chapter 2

Summary: A new space station, complete with the most high spec and up to date technology there is to offer, has been set up at the edge of the known universe, a new way point for explorers to keep in contact with the rest of the human race. It has been carefully designed by the best scientists and engineers Earth could offer, and now 7 brave souls are being sent out to ensure everything works perfectly.

However, when Logan wakes from cryosleep from the journey, he is informed that several things are now in need of repair, though everything had been in perfect working condition when the station had been reconstructed before he and his crew had arrived. They will have to solve the problems they’ve been left with before the station is up and running, and yet Logan can’t help but feel he’s done this before…

Relationships: Intrulogical (Remus/Logan)

Warnings: Blood, Gore, Parasites, Remus having an overactive imagination, It’s an Among Us crossover so there will be bad stuff afoot.

A/N: Writing chapter 2 was fun, but definitely a challenge. I hope you guys enjoy! Also, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

For those of you who don’t know, this story is based off of a comic by @fangirltothefullest which I HIGHLY recommend you check them out on the link above! Their art is AMAZING.

Note to everyone before we begin; there will be graphic descriptions of gore, dismemberment, possibly torture, and any other awful things that come with the territory of writing a story in an Among Us universe.

Link to; Part 1

To read it on AO3 please click here.

Chapter 2: Log Entry #2

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 6:23 AM

Logan sipped the imi-coffee as he watched Remus hum and move to some song or another as he made them breakfast. He'd insisted on it, even though all he was really doing was filling in an order on a screen in the wall and waiting while the machine created it from various proteins and other such things that the ship had stored that wouldn't have decomposed on their journey. Remus had complained about not being able to see what mould that had several years to grow and mutate would look like when he first discovered this, but he had eventually been distracted by all the things you could order on the replacement.

"Breakfast is served!" Remus said with a flourish, setting what looked like a bowl of spaghetti with green pesto in front of him.

Logan was not as surprised as he should have been. Everything that had happened so far today had felt rehearsed, like it had happened before, and he found himself thinking more and more on his dream. It had felt so real -- it still felt real -- but it wasn't. He had just studied the Sanders Station so much that his subconscious had created a landscape that was affected by the movies that Remus revelled in. That was all. Everything else was a coincidence. His subconscious had just known that Remus was going to serve him spaghetti and pesto for breakfast.

"Ground control to Major Tom," Remus said, brining Logan's attention back to the moment and his partner's confused gaze. "You back with me?"

"Yes. Sorry," Logan said and he picked up his fork. "Why spaghetti?"

"It was the first meal we had together, remember?" Remus said, his eyes going soft as he took Logan's hand.

Logan gave his fingers a squeeze, giving him a soft look of his own as he tried to sake the feeling of deja vu. "If I remember correctly, we had it in pre-used instant ramen pots that hadn't been washed out properly."

"I know," Remus sighed, shoulders falling in disappointment. "The stupid machine wouldn't let me choose the bowl."

Logan chuckled and pulled Remus's hand up to kiss his fingers. As chaotic as his partner was, when it came to details like this he was rather fastidious. "Maybe next time."

Remus hummed. "So long as you're here with me, I don't care." He gave Logan a narrowed look, and the scientist suddenly felt like he was being dissected by his gaze. "Where were you anyway? It's not like you to get lost like that, especially since we're so far away from home with no chance of rescue or contact if anything goes wrong."

"I wasn't anywhere except here at the table, waiting for you to 'make' breakfast," Logan replied, pointedly gathering some pesto pasta onto his fork and taking a bite of it. Remus was clearly not convinced.

"You're lying," he said, taking the fork from Logan's hand and pushing it and the bowl away so he could take both of Logan's hands. "You're doing that thing where you recount what had been happening and not what you were doing."

Logan winced. Was he really that obvious? "It's nothing."

"Nothing you ever think in that big brain of yours is nothing."

"It's nothing! Just a... weird dream."

"Oh?" Remus shifted in his seat. eyes gleaming with interest. "Was it a bad dream? It must have been to have affected you so bad. Why didn't you say anything sooner? We could have talked about it when you woke up!"

"It's illogical," Logan tried to dismiss, but Remus would have none of it.

"If it's affecting you then, illogical or not, you need to talk about it," he said, rubbing his thumbs over the back of Logan's hands. "Don't ant you getting distracted and getting your hand sliced off by a pneumatic door."

"The doors have a safety feature that prevents that from happening."

Remus shrugged, not caring about the details, and gave him an expectant look. It took less than a minute for Logan to cave.

"It was just a dream about today," he admitted.

"Oh?" Remus said, shifting closer on his chair. "What happened?"

"... Everyone died."

Remus blinked. "Died?"

He hummed the affirmative.

"Was it cool?"

"Remus!"

"Sorry! Sorry." Remus moved from his chair to sit on Logan's lap and brought the scientist's hands to rest over his heart and against his cheek, the steady thumping calming and reassuring. "It was just a dream, Logie-Bogie."

Logan took a deep breath and slowly nodded. A coincidence. That's all this was. There was nothing in that dream other than the predictions of his mind. "I know. It just..."

"I'm right here," Remus told him. "You're stuck with me. Like an invasive virus in your blood stream."

Logan chuckled and leaned in to kiss him. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 7:09 AM

The weight of the helmet under his arm felt oddly familiar but still incredibly cumbersome as he headed towards the depressurisation chamber, especially as he was still trying to read through the message that had been sent to him and everyone else in the team from the construction workers on the tablet with his other hand and that Remus wanted to continue holding his hand. Since he couldn't do all three without compromising one of the tasks, Remus had compromised by walking as close to him as possible and reading the message over his shoulder.

"Wasn't it supposed to be brand, spanking new?" Remus asked as Logan realised just how much work there was for them to do once they finally stepped into the Station. "Just spanking new?"

"That is supposed to be the case, yes," Logan said with a sigh, putting the tablet away in its pouch as they reached the chamber, the doors still open and waiting for them.

They were the last to arrive, as he had expected, and he ignored the smug look that Janus was sending their way from where he was lounging in one of the seats near to a crate of supplies opposite Orange who was scrolling through his tablet, or possibly playing a game that he might have installed on it. Virgil was sitting between Roman and Patton as he rubbed at his legs and listened to Roman as he told some story about magic or some other sort of nonsense, but they all seemed to be doing quite well. He felt Remus shift next to him and, before he could even think about it, he'd reached out with his now free hand to grasp at his arm. The man in green looked back at him in surprise, as did Janus and Patton, who had both noticed the emotional action, but he fell back to Logan's side as the doors slid closed behind them with a hiss. Janus looked genuinely surprised by the restraint his friend was showing, but all Logan could feel was relief, non-sensical though it might have been, to have his partner with him.

"Apologies for the delay," he said, coughing to clear his throat. He had everyone's attention now at least. "It seems that the Station has been damaged in transit, so it will be our main focus in the upcoming days to repair the systems. It shouldn't take more than a day I expect." He rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth, trying not to think about how those words felt recycled.

"It's ridiculous," Roman huffed, and Logan relaxed a fraction at the change. "They were supposed to have made sure that everything was ready."

"Pretty sure they were just supposed to put it together, not make sure it was all working," Orange said, not looking up from his tablet. "They've already gone above and beyond."

Roman huffed but didn't respond, he just picked stood up and picked up his helmet from the floor. "What took you so long? We've been waiting for ages!"

"Ten minutes," Janus said, voice level and yet somehow conveying a tone of amusement.

"Whatever."

"We were having sex!" Remus proclaimed proudly. Logan rolled his eyes.

Only Orange didn't react to that statement, continuing to look at his screen. Meanwhile;

"Oh my god!"

"TMI, dude!"

"I didn't need to know that!"

"Why?"

"I had his dick up my butthole!" Remus declared with enthusiasm and vigour, bringing all the more noises of disgust. "We did it over the table. We got pasta everywhere!"

"Remus," Logan sighed, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation before giving his partner a straight, unimpressed look. "Please stop telling them falsehoods."

Remus pouted at him but fell silent, moving around him to take the helmet from his grasp and stick his tongue out at him.

With a put upon sigh Logan shook his head and continued on. "As I had been saying before we were... distracted; as the Station has been damaged we will have to work on some repairs. If everyone has read the list that has been sent to our tablets then we know that there is not area that has not been affected. I would suggest that we decide on a meeting point and, from there, proceed to work on our area of expertise. I would like to suggest the cafeteria as this check-point."

"Is there any particular reason for that?" Janus asked. "Or were you planning on ruining even more flat surfaces?"

"Janus!" Patton complained with a squawk and Remus laughed, exchanging a please smirk with his friend.

"So we all know where to congregate in case of an emergency -- which is highly unlikely -- or simply a place to meet should we need any assistance with our tasks," Logan replied, ignoring the pointless query and held out his hand to Remus. "I need my helmet back."

"Why?"

"Don't be an asshole, Rem," Roman told his brother, rising to his feet and bringing Virgil with him.

Remus grinned. "Why?"

"I don't particularly want to be starved of oxygen," Logan explained as Roman glared, waiting a few more moments before the helmet was placed in his hand. "Thank you." He twisted it onto his head and everyone followed suit, even Orange who had finally put his tablet away. "Now, once we get to the cafeteria we can decide on what to do, alright?"

He received noises of confirmation from just about everyone and he nodded to himself, opening the doors to the brand new Station and leading the way inside.

_______________________________ 

 Stardate: October 17th XX20. 11:03 AM

Logan sat back as he pushed the last of the boards in the oxygen unit back into place with a sigh. It had been a challenge, but not as much of one as it should have been, not if this had been the first time he'd seen it. He'd studied the designs and blueprints of course, and it was very similar to previous oxygen systems he'd worked with, but he'd only really taken so long as he had because he had decided to triple check everything. Logically he knew that everything was fine, that he knew and understood what he was looking at, he knew how the system worked, and yet that consistent sensation of having done this all before made him second guess everything.

He'd already known what the Station was going to look like, the weapons and navigations rooms were familiar, and even the instructions he had given to everyone had tasted strange, like the words he had spoken when he had just awoken not five hours before. Remus's laughter and Patton's muttering had been like listening to a song that he had heard before from a distance, and it was unnerving him. At least now he knew that the oxygen was -- and always had been -- capable of supporting human life. Or had he already known? Shaking his head he pulled out his tablet and opened the notes section.

Log Entry #1

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this, but I've had this strange feeling all day. I do not usually allow emotions to cloud my judgement in such a way, and I expect it is perhaps a result of my time in stasis, but everything feels, for the lack of a better word, rehearsed. I know that what I am feeling is simply the imbalance of chemicals in my brain, not in small part due to the dream I had, but I still can't seem to part with this feeling. I hope it will pass, but for now I will have to endure it.

Checking the entry over he nodded to himself before closing the application and putting the tablet away. That would have to do for now. That done he rose to his feet and headed out into the corridor, checking briefly in on Patton before moving towards the weapons room.

As expected, Remus was sitting in the control seat in the centre of an array of screens, each showing various vistas of the space outside of the Station with the help of special sensors that would pick up movement from detritus and space waste. Remus was tapping at one of the screens that had a fair number of concerning looking rocks in it and used the joy stick in the arm of the chair to start shooting at them with a crooked grin. Logan watched him for a time, listening to him chuckle when he destroyed whatever he could, but when he leaned back in his chair with a 'whoop!' he finally stepped forwards.

"It looks like you're having fun," he said with a fond smile, grinning when Remus spun the chair around and pulled him into his lap. "Nerdy Wolverine!" he declared, setting Logan's knees at either side of his hips before sliding his arms around Logan's back. "Here to give me a saucy lap dance?"

"I've..." Logan started, only to pause as that feeling washed over him again. He didn't understand why it continued to return, time and again. No dream could have been that accurate. Could it?

"Logie?"

He blinked, refocusing on Remus who was looking up at him in concern. "Apologies. I'm not sure what's come over me."

"Do you need a break?" Remus asked, rubbing his back. "Why don't we head to the cafeteria, relax for a bit?"

Logan sighed and nodded. "That would be nice."

"Alright then," Remus said, looking solemnly up at him for a few more moments before curling his arms under Logan's legs and pushing himself to his feet. Logan had to wrap his arms around Remus's neck to keep himself stable, and he glared at the moustached man as he grinned, carrying him into the cafeteria.

"I can walk perfectly well on my own."

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Remus asked and he made his way over to the nearest table, setting Logan to sit on the table as he moved to sit between his legs on the seat in front of him, hands still there on Logan's hips, stabilising and comforting. "Now, what's the problem?"

For a moment Logan didn't want to talk about it, but eventually, after some surprising patience on Remus's part, he spoke. "It's going to sound crazy."

"So say it anyway," Remus encouraged. "I say crazy stuff all the time, and you still love me."

Logan smiled. "That I do," he muttered, and carefully gathered his thoughts. "It's that dream I had."

"The one where everyone died?" Remus asked and Logan nodded.

"I didn't really explain it before, but it was here. We all died here." Logan took a deep, shaking breath, letting the pressure of Remus's hands on him calm him down. "Everything we've done today, save a few details, has been exactly the same."

"The same?"

"As my dream," Logan clarified. "It's like... I lived it before. I can remember waking up to you falling out of the cryotube, I can remember you making spaghetti pesto for breakfast, I can remember checking the oxygen system before, and yet I know it can't be real, or..."

"Or we'd be dead," Remus finished softly, a furrow between his brows. They studied each other in silence for a few moments, Logan wondering if Remus thought he was crazy, wondering if he really was crazy, but then Remus caught his hand and entwined their fingers. "Did we all die together?"

A tension in Logan's shoulders eased as he exhaled in a shaky relief. "No. Orange died first."

"Okay," Remus said with a slow nod. "Where was he?"

"In Storage."

Remus nodded again and rose to his feet, pulling Logan away from the table. "Then let's go check."

"Remus-"

"When did it happen?" the man in green asked, ignoring Logan's protest as he led the way towards the corridor.

"It... I don't know. Janus found him... in about five minutes actually."

Remus hummed and continued on. The further along the clean, blank hallway they walked the more nervous Logan felt. He knew it was ridiculous to feel that way, that this was all nonsense, but there was still a part of him, a part that he could never truly rid himself of, that wondered. What if he was going mad? What if the cryotube had malfunctioned somehow and his brain had been affected? What if he was suffering an unknown effect of being put in status for such a long time? What if-?

Remus had drawn them to a stop. They had reached storage, more specifically the pile of crates and boxes in the centre. Orange was lying face down on the floor next to it.

"... How did Janus find him?" Remus asked, his voice quiet.

"Like... Like this."

Remus hummed and released Logan's hand, stepping closer and crouching down to shake Orange's shoulder. "Orange. You... You okay?"

No answer.

"You're freaking us out. Say something."

The silence continued.

Remus looked back to Logan for a moment before rolling Orange over. The majority of the front of his suit had been stained red with his blood, creeping into the stuffing from an uneven tear, revealing a mess of flesh, internal organs and bodily fluids. The helmet had been cracked, and Orange stared blankly from within.

"... Fuck."

"No." Logan grasped at the fabric of his suit's arms, shaking his head. "This... this can't be real. It can't be happening. It was a dream. A dream!"

"Logan!"

Remus was stood before him, blocking his view as he crowded his space, holding Logan's arms.

"It... it was a dream," Logan said, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it anymore. "How is this possible?"

"I don't know," Remus replied. "Whatever it is, we have to stop the next one."

"Right," Logan said with a nod. "It was Janus. We... we'd split up into two groups to fix the Oxygen. Roman and Virgil went with Janus, and when they didn't show up in the cafeteria after we went looking. Janus was... in Admin."

"What about Roman and Virgil?"

Logan shook his head. "We didn't have the chance to find them."

Remus narrowed his eyes at that, but before he could say anything further they heard a crash. Turning towards the noise they found Janus leaning against the wall, an empty gas container now half way across the room as they stared at Orange's body. A moment later, his eyes met theirs.

_______________________________ 

 Stardate: October 17th XX20. 11:48 AM

"It has to be them!" Janus exclaimed to the table, pointing at both Remus and Logan. He had carefully kept his distance from them ever since he'd called the alarm, The table was between them now, and they were all stood a number of feet from each other, save for the two accused parties. "They were right there and they'd done nothing!"

"I was making sure Logan didn't go into shock!" Remus shouted back. "We'd only just gotten there a minute before!"

"Please, stop fighting," Patton said weakly, looking between them nervously. Logan was equally fearful, unsure what would happen should someone be accused of murdering their friend. This hadn't happened last time, if the last time had even been real. They had been half convinced that it had been a stow-away. How did they get here?

"Why were you even in Storage?" Virgil asked.

"We were going to visit Janus in Communications!" Remus defended, almost immediately, telling Logan that he'd already thought of an excuse some time before this madness had descended upon them. He couldn't help but feel relieved at it.

"I'd just finished my work on the oxygen and thought it would be a good time to take a break," Logan confirmed, glancing at Janus's still unconvinced face.

"You don't take breaks," Roman said with a frown.

"He does," Patton defended, looking between everyone. "You know he does. Janus, did you see them kill Orange?"

Janus gritted his teeth. "No."

"Then how do you know it was them?"

"Because they were just standing there!"

"It wasn't-" Logan started, but Remus pushed him behind him with a snarl.

"We just experienced a traumatic event you giant shit for brains! Everyone experiences it differently! I would have thought you'd have known better."

Janus flinched, his left hand rising towards his helmet briefly before it curled into a fist. "Then who killed him?"

"I don't know!" Remus's words echoed for a moment before he slumped in place. "I don't know, Jay. He was already..." He held his arm towards the Storage room before he dropped it limply to his side.

"Do we know if we're the only ones on the Station?" Roman asked into the void that Remus had left in his wake.

Patton shook his head. "I've been focusing on stabilising things in Navigation."

"I haven't seen anyone," Janus said.

"The only other people I've seen is all of you," Logan said, and the others agreed. "The only way we can know if there are others here would be to check in Admin, but that only records the presence of living entities in these suits."

"In other words, it's useless," Virgil said, curling his arms around himself. "There could be someone here, trying to kill us all, and we'd have no idea."

"... Yes."

"Perfect!"

Roman scoffed. "Look, whether it was someone else on this Station or not, we should all stick together from now on, right?"

"I don't want to let any of you out of my sight!" Patton said, bringing his hands up in a way that resembled how he would hold them to his face in moments of extreme emotion.

"Right," Roman said with a nod. "In which case we need to figure out what we need to do."

Logan sighed. "I've completed the most vital of tasks in the oxygen room, and it sounds like the reactor has been started."

"I got most of the trash that's outside," Remus added.

"We started working on the Upper Engine," Virgil said. "The stuff in the Medbay didn't take too long."

"I was going to head over to the Lower Engines to see if Orange needed any help," Janus said, sending a look to Remus and Logan to show he still didn't believe them, which made Logan feel horrid.

"The Station's in the correct orbit now," Patton said. "So... maybe the shields need looking at?"

"Good idea, padre," Roman agreed with a nod. "Don't want anything else happening."

Patton perked up a little at the praise and nodded. "Let's go then."

_______________________________ 

 Stardate: October 17th XX20. 12:46 AM

Logan had checked the time for what had felt like the hundredth time in five minutes. They were all still together, they were all still working, and they were all still alive. Roman and Remus had been working on priming the shields together since they arrived while Patton and Janus had focused on the power that had been diverted there, leaving him and Virgil with nothing to do. No one spoke outside of their tasks, and the quiet was oppressive. He checked the time again.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Virgil asked, having been doing something on his tablet for most of the time.

"Doing what?"

"Checking the time," the purple clad man replied. "Are you... waiting for something?"

Logan tensed, feeling Janus's eyes on him. "I'm nervous," he tried to explain. "There's still so much to do, and Orange... None of this makes any sense."

Virgil snorted. "Understatement of the century."

"Yes, well-"

An alarm went off, blaring overhead. So things had only been delayed.

"What is that?" Roman asked, standing up from the screen his brother was still leaning over.

"That's... the reactor," Logan said. Saying it out loud suddenly made it real and he started to run towards it, knowing that if it hit critical mass then it would cause a meltdown and the Station would be destroyed. They had to fix it, now.

He could hear footsteps following behind him, but he didn't turn to see who it was, he only ran on, jumping over the boxes in Storage and past the lower engine to get into the reactor room. There were two flashing panels on opposite sides of the room and he quickly made his way over to the one on the right, pressing his gloved hand over the correct space and waiting with bated breath as the countdown continued, until at last the flashing lights and the constant drone of the alarm ceased. He all but collapsed in relief and turned to everyone else.

"We did it," Patton cheered, but Logan's eyes continued to flicker through the group, the numbers not matching up.

"Where's Remus?" he asked, finding that he was the only one that wasn't there.

Everyone shuffled on the spot and looked around.

"Where's Remus?" Logan asked again, moving towards the corridor. "Remus?"

"Logan!" Janus called, but he ignored him, the panic that had only just begun to flush from his system returning full force.

"Remus!" he called again, going back the way he'd come.

"Logan, be careful!" Patton called, but it was all fading into background noise.

"Remus, don't be dead," Logan muttered to himself as he turned a corner. "Please, don't be dead. You can't be dead. I need you. I need-"

There was blood splattered across the floor, he could hear it dripping over the edge of the platform and onto the pipes below. There were pieces of bone in the pool, but Logan didn't care. He stepped through it to fall to his knees before the body of the love of is life, pulling him into his lap and cradling his mutilated body. It had happened again. Remus had died, again, but this time he hadn't been there. He hadn't been with him.

He twisted Remus's helmet off and set it to the side, then removed his own, bowing his head to rest their brows together.

"I'm sorry," he choked. "I'm so sorry. We were supposed to be together, and I left you."

"Logan..." Janus said from somewhere behind him, but Logan ignored him in favour of kissing Remus and closing his eyes.

"I love you," he whispered before gently setting him down.

The reactor had been a distraction. It, like the oxygen and the lights from before, had been set off remotely, and it could only be done through one of their tablets. He turned around. There had only been one person he had seen on their tablet today.

His eyes blew wide in fear as he watched Virgil's body split and unravel, rope-like tentacles stretching out, and before he could say a word they had wound around Patton's throat and upper body, choking him until Logan heard the snap of bone, and his body was dropped to the floor like a disposable rag. Janus, who had watched the display with horror, had backed into Roman. Roman, who had looked on the body of his twin brother in silence, who had watched the murder of one of his best friends with a blank face, who was holding Janus's arms as he screamed and tried to flee.

Logan couldn't stand to watch anymore and he fled, but not before he saw a part of Roman split from the rest of him to reveal too many teeth in impossible places. He ran through Navigation, through the weapons area, through cafeteria, but he all but ran into the thing that used to be Virgil in the Upper Engine room, and when he turned to head back the way he'd come, not-Roman was there, still dripping with blood. He swallowed back a sob and glared at the creatures with seething hatred. They might have taken everything from him, but he would not give them his fear any longer.

The monsters hissed a laugh and approached.

_______________________________ 

 Stardate: October 17th XX20. 6:00 AM

Logan blinked his eyes open as the dim light of the cryodeck slowly brightened, emulating the rising of the sun back on Earth and offering a gentle escape from his induced hibernation. A moment later he shot up with a gasp. He was suddenly hit with light-headedness and he grasped the edge of his tube. He looked around, blinking at his surroundings. He was back. Had they not killed him? Were they keeping him for some nefarious reason? His grip on the tube tightened as he gritted his teeth, but his thoughts were disturbed when he saw a figure push itself from the tube beside his and tumble to the floor. It only took a glance to determine who it was.

"Remus?"

The man on the floor groaned before flipping onto his back, the shock of white hair in his fringe covering his beautiful, bright, alive eyes as he looked dazedly up at him and grinned. "Hey there, hot stuff. Fancy seeing you here."

[vmheadquarters]

We’re still playing our game of written hot potato! Dozens of your favorite authors are taking turns to tell a Veronica Mars mystery story. Each writer crafts their chapter and then “tosses” the story to the next person to continue the tale. No one knows what will happen, so expect the unexpected!

Follow the “vmhq presents” and “murder we wrote” tags for all the installments, or read the story as it develops on AO3. — Chapter Fourteen of MURDER, WE WROTE is written by @Lorie03. And stayed tuned next week for Ch.15 from @starlightafterastorm​ ​ -tag, you’re it!

—————————————————————————————————— CHAPTER FOURTEEN by @Lorie03

“What do you mean, ‘that’s not even the worst’?” Gia asked with a shrill voice. “What could possibly be worse than being stuck on an island with someone trying to kill all of us?”

“Being stuck with you,” Veronica muttered loud enough so only Logan could hear. A slight laugh came out of his mouth, and they shared a knowing smile before turning to Wallace. Seeing his dark look, she quickly regained her focus. Without a word, Wallace pulled a newspaper clipping from his back pocket and gave it to her. Unfolding it, Veronica studied the piece of paper and shivered. “This is dated three days from now and… it’s about us.” She read it out loud:

A dead silence fell on the room as everyone tried to process what they’d just heard. Veronica turned to face Logan, his concerned look reflecting hers. What the hell? was written all over his face. Unable to find a proper answer to the billion questions floating in her mind, she raised her head and checked the others. Anxiety was on every face, even Dick seemed to have lost his fast quips. 

Then, without warning, Gia threw herself on Luke and started punching his chest. “This is all your fault!” she screamed, her voice thick with panic. “Come on baby, it will be fun,” she mimicked him. “I swear, if I die, I will haunt you for the rest of your life!” With a final punch to his solar plexus, she turned in what was supposed to be a graceful move, but looked more like a petulant child having a tantrum.

“Can’t someone silence her?” Susan mumbled, with an infuriated look.

“I know the best way to shut a woman up,” Dick bragged, adding a lascivious wink toward Gia, who looked disgusted.

“Dick!” Veronica snapped.

“Dude, I didn’t know your chick could read people’s minds!” Dick was nearly bouncing with joy. “Why didn’t you tell me you were banging Wonder Woman?” He shook his head. “Not cool, bro, not cool.”

With a disapproving look on his face, Logan muttered, “I’m not ‘banging' Wonder Woman, Dick.” But his attempt to seem displeased miserably failed when Veronica noticed his amused smile.

At least, we have lightened the atmosphere. Veronica thought. 

Luke threw an angry glare toward Dick. Noticing the expression, Cole said with a scornful, angry tone, “Do you have a problem, loser?” A few laughs were heard but then an awkward silence fell on the room. 

Unable to face this silence, Veronica decided to take charge of the situation. Understanding her decision, Logan tightened his hand, his way of letting her lead while showing his love and support. A tender smile on her face, Veronica took a step forward, still holding her loved one’s hand. Dear Psychology Magazine, how can you lessen mental and physical stress in a bunch of people who just learned someone is planning their deaths? Drugs? Yoga? 

“Everybody just listen to me. Let’s try to relax, alright? I know this article may be a little stressful, but we still have two days until Sunday. Whoever lured us here, we’ll foil their plan. So, for now, we’re going to eat something, and then we’re going to explore this island to find any clue about the situation.”

“Logan must love her in bed, all bossy like that,” whispered Casey, exchanging a high-five with Dick. Their mocking expressions disappeared as soon as they noticed Logan’s angry one. 

Susan, who until now had stayed silent, cleared her throat before speaking. “That’s a really great plan, Veronica.” She crossed her arms. “But am I the only one who remembers there’s a dead body in the freezer?”

“Of course I remember Susan, but let’s deal with one issue at a time.” Veronica said with a patronizing tone. OK, Veronica, so you did forget, but no one has to know, right? “There’s no need for everyone to go, so why don’t you all stay here while I go look?”

“So what, all we have to do is wait for Miss Super Sleuth to do her show downstairs?” Cole asked in a dismissive tone.

If he doesn’t stop, there’s gonna be a new dead body very, very soon.

“Well, if you wanna identify a dead body, please be my guest!” When he didn’t answer, Veronica said, “That’s what I thought. Anyone else have any comments?” Everyone remained silent. “Perfect. Logan, you come with me, and you too Kimmy; everyone else, just stay here.” 

Moving toward Wallace, she barely had time to open her mouth before he was speaking. “Don’t worry, supafly,” he said quietly, so only Veronica and Logan could hear. “I’m gonna watch everybody- you can count on me.” He squeezed her shoulder.

With one final glare at the pampered 09ers, she gestured for Kimmy to lead the way.

“You know you’re hot when you’re bossy?” Logan whispered in Veronica’s ear, sending an enjoyable shiver through her body.

“Be nice and maybe I will be again,” she teased him with a wink, walking away with a slight sway of her hips. He moaned, and she struggled to contain her laughter. Veronica 1 – Logan 0 !

When they reached the freezer, Kimmy stopped short, leaving Veronica to open the door. Taking a deep breath, she pulled open the stainless-steel door. It was just as Kimmy described, a sheet covering a body with only the toes sticking out. Even for someone as unfashionable as me, I must say this color is pretty hideous.

Putting her hands on her hips, Kimmy said with a dismissive tone, “I’m sure she’s just a cook, or a housekeeper. Someone with class would know better than to wear such a disgusting shade of nail polish.”

Deciding that ignoring her was the best thing to do, Veronica slowly lifted the sheet so they could see the body. With a surprised gasp, she removed the entire sheet. Lying on the table, with strangulation marks on her neck, and her face forever frozen in a scream of terror, was Madison Sinclair dressed in a maid’s uniform.

“I heard the Sinclairs had lost their money, but Madison would never have agreed to be a maid, even if it was pretend,” cried Kimmy, shocked. 

She’s right. What’s Madison doing here? Dressed like this? None of this makes any sense. 

“We’d better go back upstairs,” said Logan, putting his arm around Veronica’s shoulders. Nodding in agreement, the three of them walked upstairs and rejoined the others.

They were assailed with questions. Unable to hear a thing, Veronica opened her mouth to ask for silence; then she noticed Logan moving toward Dick and leading him away from the group. She looked away when she saw Dick start to cry.

“The body was Madison Sinclair,” Kimmy said, before Veronica could explain.

“Are you sure it was really her?” Gia asked, in her usual childish tone.

Alexis frowned, snuggling closer to Casey. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe she was wearing a mask?” Faced with their skeptical looks, Gia added with a tight voice. “Hello, Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible?”

Shaking her head, Veronica moved near the window facing the frozen lake and contemplated the scene outside. Everything was covered by so much snow she couldn’t distinguish the lake from the land, but visibility was excellent, and it took her only a few seconds to realize what was wrong in the pristine white landscape. “Guys, Leo’s body is missing!” 

[angelofberlin2000]

Photo: Emily Denniston/Vulture and photos courtesy of the studios 

Keanu Reeves has been a movie star for more than 30 years, but it seems like only recently that journalists and critics have come to acknowledge the significance of his onscreen achievements. He’s had hits throughout his career, ranging from teen comedies (Bill & Ted’s) to action franchises (The Matrix, John Wick), yet a large part of the press has always treated these successes as bizarre anomalies. And that’s because we as a society have never  been able to understand fully what Reeves does that makes his films so special.

In part, this disconnect is the lingering cultural memory of Reeves as Theodore Logan. No matter if he’s in Speed or Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Something’s Gotta Give, he still possesses the fresh-faced openness that was forever personified by Ted’s favorite expression: “Whoa!” That wide-eyed exclamation has been Reeves’s official trademark ever since, and its eternal adolescent naïveté has kept him from being properly judged on the merits of his work.

Some of that critical reassessment has been provided, quite eloquently, by Vulture’s own Angelica Jade Bastién, who has argued for Reeves’s greatness as an action star and his importance to The Matrix (and 21st-century blockbusters in general). Two of her observations are worth quoting in full, and they both have to do with how he has reshaped big-screen machismo. In 2017, she wrote, “What makes Reeves different from other action stars is this vulnerable, open relationship with the camera — it adds a through-line of loneliness that shapes all his greatest action-movie characters, from naïve hotshots like Johnny Utah to exuberant ‘chosen ones’ like Neo to weathered professionals like John Wick.” In the same piece, Bastién noted: “By and large, Hollywood action heroes revere a troubling brand of American masculinity that leaves no room for displays of authentic emotion. Throughout Reeves’s career, he has shied away from this. His characters are often led into new worlds by women of far greater skill and experience … There is a sincerity he brings to his characters that make them human, even when their prowess makes them seem nearly supernatural.”

In other words, the femininity of his beauty — not to mention his slightly odd cadence when delivering dialogue, as if he’s an alien still learning how Earthlings speak — has made him seem bizarre to audiences who have come to expect their leading men to act and carry themselves in a particular way. Critics have had a difficult time taking him seriously because it was never quite clear if what he was doing — or what was seemingly “missing” from his acting approach — was intentional or a failing.

This is not to say that Reeves hasn’t made mistakes. While putting together this ranking of his every film role, we noticed that there was an alarmingly copious number of duds — either because he chose bad material or the filmmakers didn’t quite know what to do with him. But as we prepare for the release of the third John Wick installment, it’s clear that his many memorable performances weren’t all just flukes. From Dangerous Liaisons to Man of Tai Chi — or River’s Edge to Knock Knock — he’s been on a journey to grow as an actor while not losing that elemental intimacy he has with the viewer. Below, we revisit those performances, from worst to best.

   45. Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

The nadir of the ’90s cyberpunk genre, and a movie so bad, with Reeves so stranded, that it’s actually a bit of a surprise the Wachowskis were able to forget about it and still cast him as Neo. Dumber than a box of rocks, it’s a movie about technology and the internet — based on a William Gibson story! — that seems to have been made by people who had never turned on a computer before. Seriously, watch this shit:

44. The Watcher (2000) This movie exists in many ways because of its stunt casting: James Spader as a dogged detective and Keanu as the serial killer obsessed with him. Wait, shouldn’t those roles be switched? Get it? There would come a time in his career when Keanu could have maybe handled this character, but here, still with his floppy Ted Logan hair, he just looks ridiculous. The hackneyed screenplay does him no favors, either. Disturbingly, Reeves claims that he was forced to do this movie because his assistant forged his signature on a contract. He received the fifth of his seven Razzie nominations for this film. (He has yet to win and hasn’t been nominated in 17 years. In fact, it’s another sign of how lame the Razzies are that he got a “Redeemer” award in 2015, as if he needed to “redeem” anything to those people.)

43. Sweet November (2001) It’s a testament to how cloying and clunky Sweet November is that its two leads (Reeves and Charlize Theron) are, today, the pinnacle of action-movie cool — thanks to the same filmmaker, Atomic Blonde and John Wick’s David Leitch — yet so inert and waxen here. This is a career low point for both actors, preying on their weak spots. Watching it now, you can see there’s an undeniable discomfort on their faces: If being a movie star means doing junk like this, what’s the point? They’d eventually figure it all out.

42. Chain Reaction (1996) As far as premises for thrillers go, this isn’t the worst idea: A team of scientists are wiped out — with their murder pinned on poor Keanu — because they’ve figured out how to transform water into fuel. (Hey, Science, it has been 23 years. Why haven’t you solved this yet?) Sadly, this turns into a by-the-numbers chase flick with Reeves as Richard Kimble, trying to prove his innocence while on the run. He hadn’t quite figured out how to give a project like this much oomph yet, so it just mostly lies around, making you wish you were watching The Fugitive instead.

41. 47 Ronin (2013) In 2013, Reeves made his directorial debut with a Hong Kong–style action film. We’ll get into that one later, because it’s a ton better than this jumbled mess, a mishmash of fantasy and swordplay that mostly just gives viewers a headache. Also: This has to be the worst wig of Keanu’s career, yes?

40. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993)

Gus Van Sant’s famously terrible adaptation of Tom Robbins’s novel never gets the tone even close to right, and all sorts of amazing actors are stranded and flailing around. Reeves gets some of the worst of it: Why cast one of the most famously chill actors on the planet and have him keep hyperventilating?

39. Replicas (2019) In the wake of John Wick’s success, Keanu has had the opportunity to sleepwalk through some lesser sci-fi actioners, and this one is particularly sleepy. The idea of a neuroscientist (Reeves) who tries to clone his family after they die in an accident could have been a Pet Sematary update, but the movie insists on an Evil Corporation plot that we’ve seen a million times before. John Wick has allowed Reeves to cash more random checks than he might have ten years ago. Here’s one of them.

38. Feeling Minnesota (1996) As far as we know, the only movie taken directly from a Soundgarden lyric — unless we’re missing a superhero named “Spoonman” — is this pseudo-romantic comedy that attempts to be cut from the Tarantino cloth but ends up making you think everyone onscreen desperately needs a haircut and a shave. Reeves can tap into that slacker vibe if asked to, but he requires much better material than this.

37. Little Buddha (1994)

To state the obvious, it would not fly today for Keanu Reeves to play Prince Siddhartha, a monk who would become the Buddha. But questions of cultural appropriation aside, you can understand what drew The Last Emperor director Bernardo Bertolucci to cast this supremely placid man as an iconic noble figure. Unfortunately, Little Buddha never rises above a well-meaning, simplistic depiction of the roots of a worldwide religion, and the effects have aged even more poorly. Nonetheless, Reeves is quite accomplished at being very still.

36. Much Ado About Nothing (1993) Quick anecdote: We saw this Kenneth Branagh adaptation of the Bard during its original theatrical run, and when Reeves’s villainous Don John came onscreen and declared, “I am not of many words,” the audience clapped sarcastically. That memory stuck because it encapsulates viewers’ inability in the early ’90s to see him as anything other than a dim SoCal kid. Unfortunately, his performance in Much Ado About Nothing doesn’t do much to prove his haters wrong. As an actor, he simply didn’t have the gravitas yet to pull off this fiendish role, and so this version is more radiant and alive when he’s not onscreen. It is probably just as well his character doesn’t have many words.

35. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992) GIFs are a cheap way to critique a performance. After all, acting is a complicated, arduous discipline that shouldn’t be reduced to easy laughs drawn from a few seconds of film played on a loop. Then again …

This really does sum up Reeves’s unsubstantial performance as Jonathan Harker, whose new client is definitely up to no good. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a wonder of old-school special effects and operatic passion — and it is also a movie in which Reeves seems wholly ill at ease, never quite latching onto the story’s macabre period vibe. We suspect if he could revisit this role now, he’d be far more commanding and engaged. But in 1992, he was still too much Ted and not enough anything else. And Reeves knew it: A couple years later, when asked to name his most difficult role to that point, he said, “My failure in Dracula. Totally. Completely. The accent wasn’t that bad, though.” Well …

34. The Neon Demon (2016)

One of the perks of being a superstar is that you can sometimes just phone in an amusing cameo in some bizarro art-house offering. How else to explain Reeves’s appearance in this stylish, empty, increasingly surreal psychological thriller from Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn? He plays Hank, a scumbag motel manager whose main job is to add some local color to this portrait of the cutthroat L.A. fashion scene. If you’ve been waiting to hear Keanu deliver skeezy lines like “Why, did she send you out for tampons, too?!” and “Real Lolita shit … real Lolita shit,” The Neon Demon is the film for you. He’s barely in it, and we wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t even remember it.

33. The Lake House (2006) Reeves reunites with his Speed co-star for a movie that features a lot fewer out-of-control buses. In The Lake House, Sandra Bullock plays a doctor who owns a lake house with the strangest magical power: She can send and receive letters from the house’s owner from two years prior, a dashing architect (Reeves). This American remake of the South Korean drama Il Mare is romantic goo that’s relatively easy to resist, and its ruminations on fate, love, destiny, and luck are all pretty standard for the genre. As for those hoping to enjoy the actors’ rekindled chemistry, spoiler alert: They’re not onscreen that much together.

32. Henry’s Crime (2011) You have to be careful not to cast Reeves as too passive a character; he’s so naturally calm that if he just sits and reacts to everything, and never steps up, your movie never really gets going. That’s the case in this heist movie about an innocent man (Reeves) who goes to jail for a crime he didn’t commit and then plans a scam with an inmate he meets there (James Caan). The movie wants to be a little quirkier than it is, and Reeves never quite snaps to. The film just idles on the runway.

31. The Bad Batch (2017) Following her acclaimed A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, filmmaker Ana Lily Amirpour plops us in the middle of a desert hellscape in which a young woman (Suki Waterhouse) must battle to stay alive. The Bad Batch is less accomplished than A Girl, in large part because style outpaces substance — it’s a movie in which clever flourishes and indulgent choices rule all. Look no further than Reeves’s performance as the Dream, a cult leader who oversees the only semblance of civilization in this post-apocalyptic world. It’s less a character than an attitude, and Reeves struggles to make the shtick fly. He’s too goofy a villain for us to really feel the full measure of his monstrousness.

30. Hardball (2001)

Reeves isn’t the first guy you’d think of to head up a Bad News Bears–style inspirational sports movie, and he doesn’t pull it off, playing a gambler who becomes the coach of an inner-city baseball team and learns to love, or something. It’s as straightforward and predictable an underdog sports movie as you’ll find, and it serves as a reminder that Reeves’s specific set of skills can’t be applied to just any old generic leading-man role. The best part about the film? A 14-year-old Michael B. Jordan.

29. Street Kings (2008) Filmmaker David Ayer has made smart, tough L.A. thrillers like Training Day (which he wrote) and End of Watch (which he wrote and directed). Unfortunately, this effort with Reeves never stops being a mélange of cop-drama clichés, casting the actor as Ludlow, an LAPD detective who’s starting to lose his moral compass. This requires Reeves to be a hard-ass, which never feels particularly convincing. Street Kings is bland, forgettable pulp — Reeves doesn’t enliven it, getting buried along with the rest of a fine ensemble that includes Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, and a pre-Captain America Chris Evans.

28. Constantine (2005) In post-Matrix mode, Reeves tries to launch another franchise in a DC Comics adaptation about a man who can see spirits on Earth and is doomed to atone for a suicide attempt by straddling the divide twixt Heaven and Hell. That’s not the worst idea, and at times Constantine looks terrific, but the movie doesn’t have enough wit or charm to play with Reeves’s persona the way the Wachowskis did.

27. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) Reeves’s alienlike beauty and off-kilter line readings made him an obvious choice to play Klaatu, an extraterrestrial who assumes human form when he arrives on our planet. This remake of the 1950s sci-fi classic doesn’t have a particularly urgent reason to exist — its pro-environment message is timely but awkwardly fashioned atop an action-blockbuster template — and the actor alone can’t make this Day particularly memorable. Still, there are signs of the confident post-Matrix star he had become, which would be rewarded in a few years with John Wick.

26. Knock Knock (2015) Reeves flirts with Michael Douglas territory in this Eli Roth erotic thriller that’s not especially good but is interesting as an acting exercise. He plays Evan, a contented family man with the house to himself while his wife and kids are out of town. Conveniently, two beautiful young strangers (Ana de Armas, Lorenza Izzo) come by late one stormy night, inviting themselves in and quickly seducing him. Is this his wildest sexual fantasy come to life? Or something far more ominous? It’s fun to watch Reeves be a basic married suburban dude who slowly realizes that he’s entered Hell, but Knock Knock’s knowing trashiness only takes this cautionary tale so far.

25. The Devil’s Advocate (1997)

Very few people bought tickets in 1997 for The Devil’s Advocate to see Keanu Reeves: Hotshot Attorney. Obviously, this horror thriller’s chief appeal was witnessing Al Pacino go over the top as Satan himself, who just so happens to be a New York lawyer. Nonetheless, it’s Reeves’s Kevin Lomax who’s actually the film’s main character; recently moved to Manhattan with his wife (Reeves’s future Sweet November co-star, Charlize Theron), he’s the new hire at a prestigious law firm who only later learns what nefarious motives have brought him there. Reeves is forced to play the wunderkind who gets in over his head, and it’s not entirely convincing — and that goes double for his southern accent.

24. The Prince of Pennsylvania (1988) “You are like some stray dog I never should have fed.” That’s how Rupert’s older hippie pal, Carla (Amy Madigan), affectionately refers to him, and because this teen dropout is played by Keanu Reeves, you understand what she means. In this forgotten early chapter in Reeves’s career, Rupert and Carla decide to ditch their going-nowhere Rust Belt existence by taking his dad (Fred Ward) hostage and collecting a handsome ransom. The Prince of Pennsylvania is a thoroughly contrived and mediocre comedy, featuring Reeves with an incredibly unfortunate haircut. (Squint and he looks like the front man for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.) Still, you can see signs of the soulfulness and vulnerability he’d later harness in better projects. He’s very much a big puppy looking for a home.

23. The Last Time I Committed Suicide (1997) Every hip young ’90s actor had to get his Jack Kerouac on at some point, so it would seem churlish to deny Reeves his opportunity. He plays the best pal/drinking buddy of Thomas Jane’s Neal Cassady, and he looks like he’s enjoying doing the Kerouac pose. Other actors have done so more indulgently. And even though he’s heavier than he’s ever been in a movie, he looks great.

22. A Walk in the Clouds (1995) Keanu isn’t quite as bad in this as it seemed at the time. He’s miscast as a tortured war veteran who finds love by posing as the husband of a pregnant woman, but he doesn’t overdo it either: If someone’s not right for a part, you’d rather them not push it, and Keanu doesn’t. Plus, come on, this movie looks fantastic: Who doesn��t want to hang around these vineyards? Not necessarily worth a rewatch, but not the disaster many consider it.

21. The Replacements (2000) The other movie where Keanu Reeves plays a former quarterback, The Replacements is an adequate Sunday-afternoon-on-cable sports comedy. He plays Shane, the stereotypical next-big-thing whose career capsized after a disastrous bowl game — but fear not, because he’s going to get a second chance at gridiron glory once the pros go on strike and the greedy owners decide to hire scabs to replace them. Reeves has never been particularly great at playing regular guys — his talent is that he seems different, more special, than you or me — but he ably portrays a good man who’s had to live with disappointment. The Replacements pushes all the predictable buttons, but Reeves makes it a little more enjoyable than it would be otherwise.

20. Tune in Tomorrow (1990) A very minor but sporadically charming bauble about a radio soap-opera scriptwriter (Peter Falk) who begins chronicling an affair between a woman (Barbara Hershey) and her not-related-by-blood nephew on his show — and ultimately begins manipulating it. Tune in Tomorrow is light and silly and harmless, and Reeves shows up on time to set and looks extremely eager to impress. He blends into the background quietly, which is probably enough.

19. I Love You to Death (1990)

This Lawrence Kasdan comedy — the first film after an incredible four-picture run of Body Heat, The Big Chill, Silverado, and The Accidental Tourist — is mostly forgotten today, and for good reason: It’s a farce that mostly features actors screaming at each other and calling it “comedy.” But Reeves hits the right notes as a stoned hit man, and it’s amusing just to watch him share the screen with partner William Hurt. This could have been the world’s strangest comedy team!

18. Youngblood (1986)

This Rob Lowe hockey comedy is … well, a Rob Lowe hockey comedy, but we had to include it because a 21-year-old Reeves plays a dim-bulb, good-hearted hockey player with a French Canadian accent that’s so incredible that you really just have to see it. Imagine if this were the only role Keanu Reeves ever had? It’s sort of amazing. “AH-NEE-MAL!”

17. Destination Wedding (2018) An oddly curdled comedy about two wedding guests (Reeves and Winona Ryder) who have terrible attitudes about everything but end up bonding over their universal disdain for the planet and everyone on it. That sounds like a chore to watch, and at times it is, but the pairing of Reeves and Ryder has enough nostalgic Gen-X spark to it that you go along with them anyway. With almost any other actors you might run screaming away, but somehow, in spite of everything, you find them both likable.

16. Thumbsucker (2005)

The first film from 20th Century Women and Beginners’ Mike Mills, this mild but clever coming-of-age comedy adaptation of a Walter Kirn novel has Mills’s trademark good cheer and emotional honesty. Reeves plays the eponymous thumbsucker’s dentist — it’s funny to see Keanu play someone named “Dr. Perry Lyman” — who has the exact right attitude about both orthodontics and life. It’s a lived-in, funny performance, and a sign that Keanu, with the right director, could be a more than capable supporting character actor.

15. Something’s Gotta Give (2003) This Nancy Meyers romantic comedy was well timed in Reeves’s career. A month after the final Matrix film hit theaters, Something’s Gotta Give arrived, offering us a very different Keanu — not the intense, sci-fi action hero but rather a charming, low-key love interest who’s just the supporting player. He plays Julian Mercer, a doctor administering to shameless womanizer Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson), who’s dating a much younger woman (Amanda Peet), who just so happens to be the daughter of a celebrated playwright, Erica (Diane Keaton). We know who will eventually end up with whom in Something’s Gotta Give, but Reeves proves to be a great romantic foil, wooing Erica with a grown-up sexiness the actor didn’t possess in his younger years. We’re still not sure Meyers got the ending right: Erica should have stuck with him instead of Harry.

14. Man of Tai Chi (2013) This is the only movie that Reeves has directed, and what does it tell us about him? Well, it tells us he has watched a ton of Hong Kong action movies and always wanted to make one himself. And it’s pretty good! It’s technically proficient, it has a straightforward narrative, it has some excellent long-take action sequences (as we see in John Wick, Keanu isn’t a quick-cut guy; he likes to show his work), and it has a perfectly decent Keanu performance. We wouldn’t call him a visionary director by any stretch of the imagination. But we’d watch another one of these, definitely.

13. Dangerous Liaisons (1988)

Le Chevalier Raphael Danceny is merely a pawn in a cruel game being played by Marquise de Merteuil and Vicomte de Valmont, and so it makes some sense that the young man who played him, Keanu Reeves, is himself a little outclassed by the actors around him. This Oscar-winning drama is led by Glenn Close and John Malkovich, who have the wit and bite to give this 18th-century tale of thwarted love and bruised pride some real zest. By comparison, Danceny is practically a boy, unschooled in the art of manipulation, and Reeves provides the character with the appropriate youthful naïveté. He’s not a standout in Dangerous Liaisons, but he acquits himself well — especially near the end, when his blade fells Valmont, leaving him as one of the unlikely survivors in the film’s ruthless battle.

12. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee (2009) In this incredible showcase for Robin Wright, who plays a woman navigating a constrictive, difficult life with more grace and intelligence than anyone realizes, Reeves shows up late in a role that he’s played before: the younger guy who’s the perfect fit for an older woman figuring herself out. He hits the right notes and never overstays his welcome. As a romantic lead, less is more for Reeves.

11. Parenthood (1989) If you were an uptight suburban dad, like Steve Martin is in Ron Howard’s ensemble comedy, your nightmare would be that your beloved daughter gets involved with a doofus like Tod. Nicely played by Keanu Reeves, the character is the embodiment of every slacker screwup who’s going to just stumble through life, knocking over everything and everyone in his path. But as it turns out, he’s a lot kinder and mature than at first glance. Released six months after Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Parenthood showed mainstream audiences a more grown-up Reeves, and he’s enormously appealing — never more so than when advising a young kid that it’s okay to masturbate: “I told him that’s what little dudes do.”

10. Permanent Record (1988) A very lovely and sad movie that’s nearly forgotten today, Permanent Record, directed by novelist Marisa Silver, features Reeves as the best friend of a teenager who commits suicide and, along with the rest of their friends, has to pick up the pieces. For all of Reeves’s trademark reserve, there is very little restraint here: His character is devastated, and Reeves, impressively, hits every note of that grief convincingly. You see this guy and you understand why everyone wanted to make him a star. This is a very different Reeves from now, but it’s not necessarily a worse one.

9. Point Break (1991)

Just as Reeves’s reputation has grown over time, so too has the reputation of this loopy, philosophical crime thriller. Do people love Point Break ironically now, enjoying its over-the-top depiction of men seeking a spiritual connection with the world around them? Or do they genuinely appreciate the seriousness that director Kathryn Bigelow brought to her study of lonely souls looking for that next big rush — whether through surfing or robbing banks? The power of Reeves’s performance is that it works both ways. If you want to snicker at his melodramatic turn, fine — but if you want to marvel at the rapport his Johnny Utah forms with Patrick Swayze (Bodhi), who only feels alive when he’s living life to the extreme, then Point Break has room for you on the bandwagon.

8. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) Before there was Beavis and Butt-Head, before there was Wayne and Garth, there were these guys: two Valley bozos who loved to shred and goof off. As Theodore Logan, Keanu Reeves found the perfect vessel for his serene silliness, playing well off Alex Winter’s equally clueless Bill. But note that Bill and Ted aren’t jerks — watch Excellent Adventure now and you’ll be struck by how incredibly sunny its humor is. Later in his career, Reeves would show off a darker, more brooding side, but here in Excellent Adventure (and its less-great sequel Bogus Journey) he makes blissful stupidity endearing.

7. The Gift (2000) This Sam Raimi film, with a Billy Bob Thornton script inspired by his mother, fizzled at the box office, despite a top-shelf cast: It’s probably not even the first film called The Gift you think of when we bring it up. But, gotta say, Reeves is outstanding in it, playing an abusive husband and all-around sonuvabitch who, nevertheless, might be unfairly accused of murder, a fact only a psychic (Cate Blanchett) understands. Reeves is full-on trailer trash here, but he brings something new and unexpected to it: a sort of bewildered malevolence, as if he’s moved by forces outside of his control. More of this, please.

6. My Own Private Idaho (1991)

Gus Van Sant’s landmark drama is chiefly remembered for River Phoenix’s nakedly anguished performance as Mike, a spiritually adrift gay hustler. (Phoenix’s death two years after My Own Private Idaho’s release only makes the portrayal more heartbreaking.) But his performance doesn’t work without a doubles partner, which is where Reeves comes in. Playing Scott, a fellow hustler and Mike’s best friend, Reeves adeptly encapsulates the mind-set of a young man content to just float through life. Unlike Mike, he knows he has a fat inheritance in his future — and also unlike Mike, he’s not gay, unable to share his buddy’s romantic feelings. Phoenix deservedly earned most of the accolades, but Reeves is terrific as an unobtainable object of affection — inviting, enticing, but also unknowable.

5. Speed (1994)

Years later, we still contend that Speed is a stupid idea for a movie that, despite all logic (or maybe because of the utter insanity of its premise), ended up being a total hoot. What’s clear is that the film simply couldn’t have worked if Reeves hadn’t approached the story with straight-faced sincerity: His L.A. cop Jack Traven is a ramrod-serious lawman who is going to do whatever it takes to save those bus passengers. Part of the pleasure of Speed is how it constantly juxtaposes the life-or-death stakes with the high-concept inanity — Stay above 50 mph or the bus will explode! — and that internal tension is expressed wonderfully by Reeves, who invests so intently in the ludicrousness that the movie is equally thrilling and knowingly goofy. And it goes without saying that he has dynamite chemistry with Sandra Bullock. Strictly speaking, you probably shouldn’t flirt this much when you’re sitting on top of a bomb — but it’s awfully appealing when they get their happy ending.

4. River’s Edge (1987) This film’s casting director said she cast Reeves as one of the dead-end kids who learn about a murder and do nothing “because of the way he held his body … his shoes were untied, and what he was wearing looked like a young person growing into being a man.” This was very much who the early Reeves was, and River’s Edge might be his darkest film. His vacancy here is not Zen cool … it’s just vacant, intellectually, ethically, morally, emotionally. Only in that void could Reeves be this terrifying. This is definitely a performance, but it never feels like acting. His magnetism was almost mystical.

3. John Wick (2014), John Wick: Chapter Two (2017), and John Wick: Chapter 3 — Parabellum (2019)

If they hadn’t killed his dog, none of this would have happened. Firmly part of the “middle-aged movie stars playing mournful badasses” subgenre that’s sprung up since Taken, the John Wick saga provides Reeves with an opportunity to be stripped-down but not serene. He’s a lethal assassin who swore to his dead wife that he’d put down his arms — but, lucky for us, he reneges on that promise after he’s pushed too far. Whereas in his previous hits there was something detached about Reeves, here’s he locked in in such a way that it’s both delightful and a little unnerving. The 2014 original was gleefully over-the-top already, and the sequels have only amped up the spectacle, but his genuine fury and weariness felt new, exciting, a revelation. Turns out Keanu Reeves is frighteningly convincing as a guy who can kill many, many people.

2. A Scanner Darkly (2006)

In hindsight, it seems odd that Keanu Reeves and Richard Linklater have only worked together once — their laid-back vibes would seemingly make them well suited for one another. But it makes sense that the one film they’ve made together is this Philip K. Dick adaptation, which utilizes interpolated rotoscoping to tell the story of a drug cop (Reeves) who’s hiding his own addiction while living in a nightmarish police state. That wavy, floating style of animation nicely complements A Scanner Darkly’s sense of jittery paranoia, but it also deftly mimics Reeves’s performance, which seems to be drifting along on its own wavelength. If in the Matrix films, he manages to defeat the dark forces, in this film they’re too powerful, leading to a pretty mournful finale.

1. The Matrix (1999), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), and The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

“They had written something that I had never seen, but in a way, something that I’d always hoped for — as an actor, as a fan of science fiction.” That’s how Reeves described the sensation of reading the screenplay for The Matrix, which had been dreamed up by two up-and-coming filmmakers, Lana and Lilly Wachowski. Five years after Speed, he found his next great project, which would become the defining role of his career. Neo is the missing link between Ted’s Zen-like stillness and John Wick’s lethal efficiency, giving us a hero’s journey for the 21st century that took from Luke Skywalker and anime with equal aplomb. Never before had the actor been such a formidable onscreen presence — deadly serious but still loose and limber. Even when the sequels succumbed to philosophical ramblings and overblown CGI, Reeves commanded the frame. We always knew that he seemed like a cool, left-of-center guy. The Matrix films gave him an opportunity to flex those muscles in a true blockbuster.

[tired-college-student-writing]

Devil Rejects pt. 2

Summary- The demons are no longer considered odd to see around the Office, nor are their odd habits. The Egos had been in a state of relative calm and all were content. Too bad it can’t stay that way forever. 

This is the single longest thing I’ve ever written.

Part 1

Part 2 (HERE)

Part 3

He hadn’t moved since he had gotten the phone call from Anti. His phone was still stuck to his ear, long have gone dark, but he couldn’t convince his hand to move, the static in his fingers stopping any signal from his brain from getting through. His chest was too tight as his heart pounded like it wanted to shatter all of his ribs. He wanted to run, needed to run before Lord Lucifer found him, but he couldn’t convince his body to move, not that he could find the door right now with how much the room was spin-

“-gil? Come on, focus on me.”

He jerked as the voice cut through his panic and forced himself to focus, finding Logan kneeling in front of him, concern knitting his eyebrows together. His hand was raised clicking slowly, like a metronome, and Virgil felt his breathing slowly relaxing into the same rhythm, in for 4, Hold for 7, Out for 8.

“Is touching okay, Virgil?” Logan asked after a second, not stopping his clicking. After a slight nod, a pair of arms wrapped around him pulling him closer. Patton…. He turned and burrowed into the fatherly side. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but he could feel the three other sides just being there, silently supporting him.

“Why do you smell like lavender?” His voice was shaky but he could feel Patton relax at his tiny bit of improvement.

“Bim gave me some essential oil, says a little bit could help you calm down in an emergency. Thought I might give it a try. Did it help kiddo?”

“Use less next time,” He sighed, taking in another big whiff “Your guys’ scents calm me too.”

“Okay Virgil,” He chuckled lightly, “You want to talk about what set you off so bad?”

He stiffened up, but a large hand landing on his back and rubbing soft circles got him to relax again into the prince’s touch, still warm from what he had made in the kitchen.

“No need to speak until you feel like it, Virgil,” Logan commented. He shook his head.

“No… No,” He said, “I really do need to tell you, you guys need to know too.”

He could feel them share a look over his head.

“Tell us what, spooky scary?”

“About the new ego in the Ipliers. He’s Satan.”

“Oh come on, Captain,” Roman said, “I’m sure he’s not actually that bad.”

Virgil looked up his eyes solid marron as his breathing started speeding up again, “You don’t understand. He’s actually Satan as in the embodiment of the Devil. He was known as the Demon King in my last life, and he’s come back and now I screwed and I can’t-” He buried his head

back into Patton’s shoulder, trying to stop his shaking.

A heavy silence filled the room.  

“Is… how bad is this?” Logan asked lowly, “I mean, clearly your reaction shows us that this isn’t a pleasant man, but by what levels of evil should we be expecting?”

“Yeah, Mr. Crowley,” Roman said with a weak smile, “We talking about Sid Phillips and Captain Hook’s level, or is he more on Scar and Frollo’s level?”

“More Thanatos or Emperor Palpatine,” He mumbled into Patton’s sweater. Roman chuckled, but his voice was hollow and a tiny bit fearful.

“Throw out my Disney metaphor, why don’t you.”

“Technically Emperor Palpatine and Thanatos are Disney property now.”

“Shut up L,” Virgil complained pushing himself up again. Three pairs of concerned brown eyes stared back at him. Roman gave a small smile, offering some of the ‘Keep that chin up” coco he had made. He smiled down at the cup remembering the night he and the prince had worked to perfect a blend of flavors to soothe his frayed nerves. Even now he could smell the dark chocolate, orange, and blueberries, knowing he’d find a splash of cherry liquor mixed in as well. He didn’t hesitate to take a large slurp knowing Roman would have cooled it enough before handing it over like he always did.

“Are you alright, Virgil?” Logan asked.

“No, but I’m better than earlier so that’s good,” He grimaced before taking another sip, “I never did tell you guys what I did before getting here did I?”

“No, but you don’t ha-”

“No, if you guys are going to understand why all the demons are terrified of him, I should probably tell you what lead to me being here.”

“You don’t mean-” He cut off the prince, gripping the mug tightly.

“That I’m telling you my death story? Yeah, I am.”

They all stiffened, eyes widened.  None of them spoke of their last days before being sides, and none of them asked because there was no reason to, at least before now.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, “You guys need to know what he’s capable of, especially against me and Blank.”

“Why especially against the pair of you?”

“Because they aren’t the same breed of demon, Logic.”

The room jumped as Deceit made himself known by the stairs. Virgil gave a tired middle finger.

“Fuck off, Snake,” He hissed, “How long you’ve been here?”

“That was called for,” The snake rolled his eyes,  “who do you think didn’t get the others here since I know exactly what to do when you go comatose on us.”

“Yeah, thanks now leave,” He said earning a small huff from the snake.

“Yes, let’s get rid of the one person that understands where you came from and the dangers of the new ego, Brilliant plan, Oslqxus.”

“So what do you know of this Devil, Deceit,” Roman asked, cutting off the fight before it could start. He gave a small shrug even as his scales paled.

“Demons are the only race that feared that monster,” He answered, a shiver going up his spine, “the lower he viewed you the better you got treated.”

“But what does that have to do with Virgil,” Logan asked with a cocked head, ignoring Virgil’s mumbling and Patton’s unease stare, “Shouldn’t other demons be ranked higher than other species?”

Both Virgil and Deceit snorted.

“Not personal demons,” Virgil said, standing up on shaky legs, “Join the group, snake, if you refuse to leave. I don’t want anyone standing behind me when I explain this.”

The others didn’t argue as he perched himself on the coffee table, hunching over his half-filled cup. Roman gave a wave of his hands, and Virgil could feel the wall hit the side of the table, giving him plenty of room to escape if he felt the need to but not enough space for anyone to just appear behind him, and his cup filling up again. The anxious demon gave a small smile of thanks as the sides rearranged. Roman moving to the other side of Logan to put as much space between Deceit and Patton, even as the snake rested as far away from the others as he could on the couch.

“So to start with Blank and I are what are known as Personal demons…”

“What’s the point?” Virgil mumbled as tears streaked down the cheeks of his young subject, the inkwell he just tipped over dripping down the table’s legs. Kaide, age 14, born to a wealthy family but abused by his older brothers for his small stature and high intellect and ignored by his parents as they had no need for three sons, an easy target.

“I just need… I just…” Kaide rummaged through the chest, looking for another pot of ink.

“You’re a failure, a waste of space, Dale sees it, Erion sees it, Mom sees it, Father sees it. The whole town sees it,” Virgil pushed, tone growing harsher, “Just stop trying. You’re never going to be good at anything useful. You can’t fight, You can’t trade, Your writing is atrocious. The only thing you are good at is crying and making girly pictures. You're better off dead.”

“No, they’ll see,” the human countered making Virgil sigh. He walked over, knowing Kaide couldn’t hear his steps or see him, and placed his hand over his, lowering the ink pot slowly back to the confines of the chest.

“No, they won’t. Because they only see what’s important, and that’s not you. You’re not worth seeing,”

“I’m not worth it,” Kaide repeated, just staying down, curling in on himself. Virgil moved away, cracking a bitter smile.

He was supposed to stay, to make Kaide feel even worse but Virgil knew that once his breathing picked up this fast, he couldn’t make it much worse today. In fact, he knew he could slip out right now and no one would know for at least five hours. He had done this before, countless time in fact.

So he teleported out of there, letting his form twist as he left. When he landed in the field he knew well by now he had changed, his skin had faded from greying purple to a healthy peach, his hair flattened from its messy wine color to a warm chestnut. His features were humane now, his clothes simple and not announcing his disgraceful nature to all that saw, and he felt lighter, more at ease than he ever had in his original skin.

“Thomas is back!”

He looked up at Elijah’s scream as the rest of the small family popped out from around the house.

“Tom-Tom!” The little violet-haired girl cheered from the bedroom window, “You’re back!”

“Hey ‘co,” He called back, “How's my favorite girl doing?”

“Mom has me collecting all the clothes for washing, but it’s heavy!”

“It wouldn’t be if you made more than one trip like I told you too,” Mary called as she turned away to the vegetable garden.

“It’s good to see you again, Thomas,” She greeted, the crows' feet around her eyes growing deeper as she smiled at him. He smiled back.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Eckleburg,” He said as he drew closer only to dodge the weed she threw at him.

“How many times must I tell you to call me Mary, you cheeky brat?” She snapped with no real venom. Elijah just laughed reaching over to tousle Virgil’s hair, making the shorter man blush and push him off.

The Eckleburgs had been here and accepting of him for the last four years. They had found him when he first stepped away from his job, after his charge ended their life, shifting into human form as he cried and cried. Elijah had found him, bringing him home and Mary and her husband, Charles, made the demon stay for dinner. The humans' reaction to his mannerisms was confusing. He was a lowly being, not meant to smile or laugh, not meant to eat with those higher than him, and yet they looked at him with such heartbreak. Maybe it was because he looked human but the looks and kindness of these humans made something stir in him. He didn’t know why he went back, but he was greeted kindly each time until he was able to smile back.

Before she could give him a list of chores like she always did, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and dragged Elijah down without a second thought.

“Hey!” The teen yelped, “What are you-”

He didn’t even finish his thought a ball of black energy ball flew past, setting the roof of the house ablaze. Jericho screamed as she leaped out of the first-floor window, bolting towards them.

“What in God’s name-” Mary cried as she grasped her daughter tight.

“Sorry, Wrong direction,” a chilling voice announced. Virgil whimpered, pulling himself away from Elijah.

“Thomas what are you- Jesus Christ!”

Virgil couldn’t blame him for screaming when he saw the wide set woman standing in on the path to the house. Her skin the color of the barley plants around them, her inky hair waving in a nonexistent wind. Her amber eyes were glowing like a cat’s over the small pink triangles on her cheeks and her tall straight jade horns looked sharp enough to kill.

“So this is where you slipped away to Virgil,” She called walking closer, sickly green flames lighting on the path with each step she took.

“Verena,” he whispered as he started to stand up. Elijah pulled him down.

“Where are you going!” He hissed into his ear, “That’s a demon, she’ll kill you!”

“Nothing less than the worthless worm deserves for slacking off,” She replied, having heard the quiet words, “Now Virgil, stand up before you make me even angrier.”

“I’m sorry,” he said scampering to his feet. He wasn’t even surprised when he was blasted back through the walls of the house. He heard the family... his family scream.

“Get rid of that hideous skin. You know the rules on shapeshifting, you worm. That’s another strike I’ll have to explain to Our Lord.”

“Rid of his skin?” Jericho asked, horrified, making Virgil flinch as he rose to his feet, looking at the humans for a second before letting his image flick back to that of a demon, shoulders hunched to try and hide his unnatural color under his cloak, but nothing could hide his tall horns from the prying eyes around him.

“Thomas…” Mary breathed, he didn’t have the heart to look at any of them.

“Oh, would you keep up,” Verena growled, “He’s not called Thomas, he’s not even human. He’s been playing you like fiddles this entire time.”

Virgil winced but said nothing, he couldn’t make this worse, not if he wanted the Eckleburgs to survive this encounter.

“You’re so full of shit.”

No… Virgil flinched at the swear from the usually sweet Mary, she looked pissed as she continued her verbal attack at Verena, calling her out for thinking for a second that Virgil would never do something like that to them. Stop caring about me… or your family is…

Verena didn’t even flinch, simply lighting fire in her hands again, growing larger than before, “Silence,” she hissed sending it towards… towards…

Virgil’s story screeched to a halt as his mug shattered in his hands. He looked down at the shards as they dig into his skin, streams of blood mixing with cocoa.

Roman and Logan was on their feet in an instance, summoned first aid kits already opened before Virgil even registered the tears dripping down his face. No one said anything as the pair cleaned up the mess and

“You can’t stop,” Deceit whispered, “We need to hear more.” The demon gave a snort.

“You’re telling the truth now, huh Niyk?”

“Virgil.”

“Shut up,” He snapped at Patton, voice echoing and eyes burning black, “I haven’t even gotten to the point of this yet. Just shut up and let me get past me watching Mary and Jericho burning alive!”

None moved to stop him as he took a calming breath and continued

Elijah’s scream cut through Virgil’s head as the mother and daughter were reduced to ash. He wouldn’t let his stony mask fall, he couldn’t he was already in so much trouble, fear was turning him numb.

“Thomas…. How could you just stand there?” He asked voice cracking, “You’d promise to keep us safe…”

Verena snorted, “Idiot boy. As if he could do anything even if he wanted to, he’s nothing more than just a mutt. Isn’t that right, Virgil?”

“Yes, Mistress,” He replied, looking at the ground to hid his anguish. Maybe just maybe if he played his part and did everything right, then she’s let Elijah go. Her eyes flitted over the human that was trembling before her.

“Virgil,” She asked slowly, the tone sending ice into his bloodstream, “How would you kill this human?”

A test, he felt his chest tighten. She wanted to see how attached he was to the humans. See if he could still do his job… He had to tell the truth… She would know if he lied… But he couldn’t...

“Throw him into the river,” He answered without raising his eyes, “He never learned how to swim after his father drowned when he was 4.”

She was next to him before he could blink, “You wouldn’t be lying to me would you Virgil?”

“Never Mistress Verena,”

“Good.” She snapped his fingers and Elijah was gone. How he hoped she had actually sent him to the river, something Virgil had seen him play in regularly during the heat of summer, the same river Charles was almost certainly checking his traps in and would see his son be teleported to, He prayed that both would be safe, even as Verena’s claws dug into his arm, fire burning neat little holes through his cloak and onto his forearm.

He didn’t look up from the ground as she teleported them back to hell, nor as she marched him from her personal manor all the way through the center of hell to the Morningstar Castle, or when she flung him down at the seat of the throne.

“I brought him, my lord,”

“Very Good, Verena.”

The voice sent ice into Virgil’s veins but he refused to rise from the crumbled heap his manager had left him in. He could see cloven feet to his left, feeling the ice radiate from them as they glided closer.

“Where, oh where did you find your little pet? How far did he wander?”

“He was in a human village, sire, with a human family.”

The hooves stopped next to his ear.

“Was he now? And how did he act around these humans?”

“Vaguely distant, but they seemed to know him fairly well under the name Thomas.”

“And what came of these humans?”

“All three are dead, He suggested the method of death for the son.”

“Thank you, Verena. Would you be a darling and fetch the rest of your personal demons for me? Pull all of them out of the field and send them directly here to the throne room.”

“The Throne room, my sire?”

“Is there an echo in here?”

“No my lord, I’ll send them here at once.”

The door closed and there was scorching hot breath on his cheek.

“Rise Virgil, or do you prefer Thomas now?”

The personal demon scampered to his feet, never raising his eyes from the floor, “No Lord Lucifer, I’m still Virgil.”

“Good,” came the purr as he felt claws trace lightly up his arm and neck, “Even you lowly mongrels deserve the dignity of being called by your proper name. Now tell me, Virgil, Why are you here?”

“I wandered too far away from my charge,”

“Is that all you did?” Satan asked with a raised brow, pulling Virgil’s head back by his hair, almost gentle, “Your mistress is claiming you did much more than that,”

The doors reopened, but Virgil didn’t move his eyes away from the Devil in front of him, even as he felt the others in his unit file into the throne room.

“Dear Verena,  Virgil here claims his only crime he committed was wandering too far from his charge, what do you have to say about this claim?”

“He’s lying my Lord,” She replied voice icy cold, “I found him interacting with humans, being… friendly with them. Others saw him leave his post without informing me as well.”

“Oh?”

Virgil held himself back from flinching as the devil’s voice turned heated.

“So you lied to me, Virgil?” He asked, “You left your post, you socialized with humans, and you LIED to the one being that holds your fate in his hands?”

The accused simply bit his tongue, trying desperately not to cry out as Satan’s hands tightened in his hair, strands snapping under the force as razor sharp claws dug into his scalp.

The taller man raised his yellow eyes to the crowd, “Before me is a disgraced piece of filth, falling lower than any dared to fall before. You all are vermin in the grand empire I have created, and to see such a lowly creature make a mockery of this greatly saddens me.”

The gathered demons were silent as the Devil’s eyes slid back to Virgil, “Though you were one of the highest revered personal demons, had you been loyal for another fortnight we were discussing having you rewarded. Verena was almost proud to have one of her subjects be prompted, weren’t you dear?”

“Yes my lord,”

“See,” Satan hissed, “We were all so looking forward to having you do well, and you squander that away. Now you must be punished. Mitra, your blade please.”

“Which one sire?” The small yellow skin guard asked stepping forward from her place by the throne.

“The dullest you have, but it must be strong. We wouldn’t want the punishment to be too painless after all, or Virgil will learn nothing.”

She pulled a short golden dagger from its sheath on her calf, presenting it to him and falling back into her place, sending a look of disgust at Virgil as she passed.

Satan inspected it as he forced his victim to his knees, “Yes this shall do nicely. Fane, Njal, if you would be so kind?”

Thick hands landed on the personal demon’s shoulders each demon called holding an arm back, immobilizing him for the torment yet to come.

His heart was pounding, fear burning through his veins. He did not like the look in his master’s eyes.

“A demon that fell lower than any thought possible,” the King proclaimed, resting the blade lightly on his head, “Fitting that his punishment is the ultimate disgrace a demon can face.”

He couldn’t stop his eyes from flying open as the Devil gripped his ... his left horn, raising the blade to strike at the base.

“No, please-”

“Come now, Virgil. Begging Have a little bit of dignity,” He cooed sweetly as he brought down the blade hard.

His anguished scream echoed off the stone walls as the sensitive bone splintered and creaked.

“I’m going to be sick,” Deceit hissed through clenched teeth, hands clenching his pant legs.

“Like you care,” Virgil bit out, trying his best to keep his breathing under control as he felt the pounding phantom pain starting on either side of his skull, his skin was rippling against the pressure of the memories. Deceit just glared, voice scarily calmed.

“Yes because you hating me is going to stop me from hating how you got mutilated for acting humane. This is exactly what I want to hear, you getting violated in the worst way a demon can. This is such a lovely thing to hear especially since I actually hate you!”

The demon just bared his fangs, fighting to keep his human disguise in place. Could the stupid snake shut up for five fucking seconds?

“He cut off your horn?” Patton choked out, cutting off the impending fight with tears in his eyes. Virgil shuttered as he took in the others, Logan was sickly pale and Roman appear to have stopped breathing as they looked at him.

“Horns…” He managed out under the weight of their stares, giving up on the fight and letting his true form show, missing horns feeling more glaringly obvious now that they knew, “He said he didn’t want me to be lopsided.”

“What…” Logan’s voice cracked before he cleared his voice and tried again, “How much does it hurt to  have them... removed?”

“If he had shattered my pelvis, both legs and every bone in my feet then made me walk on them and work overtime I would have been in less pain then what he left me in by cutting off my horns off. “

“You died from the pain then?” Roman whispered, eyes miles away, lost in his own memories. Virgil could only shake his head.

“No... I lived from the removal in agonizing pain for four days until the stubs got infected and I died from that,” Virgil recounted dully, “They just dumped me back in my rooms and didn’t check on me afterward.”

Tears were streaming down his face now, and too everyone’s surprise Logan was the first one to wrap him into a hug.

“Thank you for trusting us,” The logical side whispered as the demon shook in his tight embrace, “I know it’s hard to remember these things and reopen the trauma.”

“He can’t know I’m here,” Virgil sobbed, “If he sees me he’ll kill me again, and again and again...”

“Shush, Azazel,” Roman whispered, running a hand down his back, fingers tracing up and down his spine, “We won’t let him know about you, we’ll keep you safe.” 

“Yeah Kiddo, we’ll protect you,” another pair of arms were added to the embrace

“Even if you don’t believe me, I will never let that monster get his blood-soaked hands anywhere near you again, Uqqg,” Deceit hissed softly not moving from his place on the couch. 

Virgil just sobbed harder, feeling safe and not at the same time. 

“What are you going to do?” 

Dark didn’t look up from the piano keys even as he couldn’t convince his hands to move from where they were poised over the ivories. 

Wilford just frowned at his unmoving back, completely monochrome back. 

“It’s not like you to give up, Old friend,” He tried to tease, “Where’s the little spitfire that refuses to bow to anyone?” 

“I can’t win against Satan, Wil,” came the broken whisper, “If I were to stand against him I will lose and the Office will be worse on then if I let him make the changes he wishes to. I can do nothing... I’m powerless.” 

The pink haired man flinched, a powerless Dark... that wasn’t right. 

“Surely there’s some-”

“You don’t understand William,” Dark snarled, form suddenly snapping, cracking and twisting until it almost appeared to be three very different forms sitting on the bench, “He was the one who placed me into Markiplier Manor, he’s the one that stripped me of everything that made Durans and left the Creature that ruined your life, that destroyed the very essence of the Kim siblings until all that remained is... me.” 

Wilford squeezed his eyes tight, not being able to look at the blue and red forms that didn’t quite match Dark’s form. The building around them rumbled almost sounding like a great being drawing a shocked gasp. 

“This Devil... does he really have this much power... this much sway now that he is an ego,” Wilford asked, as he forced his eyes open to see a single black and white form stroking the wall in a calming gesture. 

“I don’t know, Wil,” was the nearly silent whisper, “but I’m scared to find out... I’m scared, Wilford.” 

“As am I, Old friend,” Wilford intoned back, “As am I.” 

This was a rough chapter to write

Translations for the Abyssal used in the Chapter:

Oslqxus- Unclean, a crude term for Personal Demons.

Niyk- Worm, a derogatory term for Nagas.

Uqqg- Ally, because Virgil and Deceit aren’t friends but they do have a common enemy so they will put aside their differences for now. 

[jaketheaudiophile]

Best Albums of 2020

Hello again friends! Another year has passed and therefore it’s time to reflect on the music and art we enjoyed in the past 12 months. Per my annual tradition, I’m dusting off this ol’ blog to write about my favorite albums and songs of a year that will likely live in infamy in the history books. I’m trying to reflect on the positive in both this essay and my personal mindset, so let’s not discuss social distancing or vote counts or contagious viruses or hand sanitizer and instead focus on the things that distracted us or powered us through them in the form of music.

I generally do a personal Top 15, so I decided to stick with that again for this year’s shenanigans. Best songs and potentially another new list idea soon to follow. And, as always, I welcome dissenting votes or other recommendations from those who read and agree and/or disagree.

Let’s do this!

HONORABLE MENTION:

Snooze

“Still” EP

Self-released on November 27

I normally don’t include EPs in my end-of-the-year lists unless I create a separate list devoted just to them, or 2 years ago when my favorite release of the year was an EP (shout out to Invalids). Snooze’s 2019 release “Familiaris” was my favorite album of last year, and this new EP brings a lot of the same energy and sound, but with a much different mood and circumstance. Bassist Cameron Grom tragically passed in 2020 after a lifetime of battling illness, leaving Logan Voss as the primary songwriter and lone consistent band member. Voss partnered with YouTube drum sensation and producer Anup Sastry for “Still”, and the results are certainly massive and memorable. The songs seem to be significantly sadder and more drawn out on “Still” but the circumstances certainly explain these changes. I’m grateful Voss managed to still put something out that is unique and makes me smile even during his heartbreak and struggles, so this EP is definitely still worth mentioning.

#15

Alpha Male Tea Party

“Infinity Stare”

Released December 4 via Big Scary Monsters

Both this album and the Honorable Mention are ranked pretty low on my personal list despite my personal adoration and affinity with each band. This is entirely based on how little of time has elapsed between their release dates and my compilation of this list. With some additional time to listen and process, I might have put them both higher, but without that I’m inclined to still mention them here but can’t in good conscious put them further up the rankings. Similar to Snooze, Britain’s AMTP took a slightly darker, more morose mood into their newest full length, but there’s still enough ass-kicking riffs and grooves to still inspire movement and energy. Bassist Ben Griffiths has come out of the shadows a bit more on this release as well, sharing the spotlight easily with guitarist Tom Peters and proving that he’s better than just holding down the lower notes. This album’s release was also a complete surprise, so kudos to the band for keeping things under wraps and giving fans an nice year-end present.

#14

Elder Brother

“I Won’t Fade On You”

Released October 2nd via Pure Noise Records

Elder Brother has been an object of my adoration for the past few years, but I’ve never been able to fully embrace an album of theirs as a whole. 2020’s release is no exception, unfortunately. They’ve penned some of their best songs to date (such as the gorgeous slow jam, “Projector”) and have expanded their sound with a full backing band. Unfortunately, meandering songs like “Hair” just drag away energy, and the second half of the album really just sort of panders around without resolution. The first half is top notch, but they really end with a whimper instead of a bang. Still, the great songs do shine brightly and warrant this album being included at this spot.

#13.

Jeff Rosenstock

“NO DREAM”

Released May 20 via Polyvinyl Record Co.

Speaking of surprise releases, perennial punk powerhouse Jeff Rosenstock put out “NO DREAM” with no promotion whatsoever. This left fans obviously surprised and that shock was quickly overwhelmed by a super high energy record full of infectious melodies and garage-rock aesthetics. There are a few clunkers but otherwise this is a charming and pleasant listen with some surprisingly deep and brutally honest lyrics and subject matters by Rosenstock. It was also cool to see Jeff get some solid publicity from this record such as an appearance on Late Night with Seth Myers. More attention for musicians like Rosenstock who have clearly put in the hard work is a worthy cause, so props to him and his merry band of misfits.

#12

Knuckle Puck

“20/20″

Released September 18 via Rise Records

Chicagoland’s Knuckle Puck have been one of the more impressively consistent pop/punk bands of recent years. I’ve always admired their skilled dual vocal arrangements, clean-boosted guitar tones and monstrous hooks. I definitely enjoyed this release but I also have a hard time distinguishing a majority of the moments after the record has stopped spinning. When it’s on, it’s pleasant and fun, but I’m hard pressed afterward remembering what songs are on this release and what are on previous years’ albums or singles. More KP music is never a bad thing, but hopefully future releases give them more sticking points.

#11

Unwed Sailor

“Look Alive”

Released July 12 via Current Taste

After over a decade of near-radio silence, Unwed Sailor have come out with guns blazing in the past two years. Johnathan Ford has put together a new band (most recently including longtime Minus The Bear drummer Erin Tate) and has churned out two full-length records in back-to-back years. I personally prefer 2020’s “Look Alive” slightly to 2019’s “Heavy Age” as it feels more of a throwback to the simpler, jammier Unwed Sailor releases of old. The record doesn’t really have any down points but also tends to drift along without a ton of memorable moments, oddly. Still, though, Ford and company seem to be on a torrid pace and I’m all in favor of enjoying the ride.

#10.

August Burns Red

“Guardians”

Released April 3 via Fearless Records

The model of consistency. August Burns Red are a well-oiled machine at this point. Every few years they hunker down in the studio and churn out another genre-setting collection of catchy metalcore songs. Drummer Matt Greiner is the most outstanding on this release (as per usual) with some truly jaw-dropping fills and beats, and the production for this record is top notch as always. It’s sort of hard to explain what’s good about this because it’s anything and everything. You can set your watch to this band and I’m grateful every time I put them on.

#9.

Melted Bodies

“Enjoy Yourself”

Released September 18 via Plastic Smiles

Another year, another band that Anthony Fantano turns me on to makes my AOTY list. The Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd didn’t formally review this album but did say they kicked ass in a “Y U NO REVIEW” segment. After a few moments of listening, I sprung for the album and it completely took over my music library for the past few months. I equate them as a sort of bizzaro hybrid between “Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job” and System of a Down, with Mike Patton-esque vocals, brutal but fun breakdowns, unique electronic elements and overall weirdness. Seemingly containing every genre of music all at once, this album is all over the place in all the best ways. What an amazing debut. It’ll be fun to see where these oddballs go from here.

#8

Beach Comber

“Parting Cuts”

Self-released on April 24

What a fun surprise this record was; in retrospect it feels like that was a recurring theme for bands and artists in 2020. Beach Comber is Rory Friers, riffmaster general from And So I Watch You From Afar. This album doesn’t sound like anything his main group has put out, but instead was meant to be a wedding present for two of Frier’s friends that would never see a mass release. If there’s one good thing that COVID did, it was to encourage Friers to put this out as a pay-what-you-want release to gather some funds in lieu of touring and playing shows. Because of this, we were blessed with a very different but exceptional collection of minimalist, varied low-fi rock. It feels like a lost Anathallo album or Sufjan Stevens b-side collection, and was a welcome breath of happy fresh air.

#7

Hot Mulligan

“You’ll Be Fine”

Released March 6 via No Sleep Records

It feels like every year I’m thanking my buddy Steve Lee on this list for getting me hooked on a quality emo record. He first sent me the incredibly fun video for “*Equip Sunglasses*”, but I wasn’t immediately hooked. I couldn’t quite get into Nathan Sanville’s scream/sing vocal style at first, and thought the band was slightly generic. Still, I found the song getting stuck in my head for roughly the next rest of my life, and eventually checked out the full album, and was pleasantly surprised by the subtly complex intertwining guitar leads and arrangements. Also, kudos to the band for writing pointed and brutally honest lyrics on topics that some bands wouldn’t touch (go read the lyrics for “Digging In”). And yes, Sanville’s vocals eventually ended up really, really growing on me. These young men from Lansing, MI should be proud of themselves for their strong stances and songwriting, and it’ll be fun to see what they put out next.

#6

Man Man

“Dream Hunting in the Valley of the In-Between”

Released May 1st via Sub Pop

After a few years of relative silence, Philly-based weirdos Honus Honus and Man Man gathered up another pile of instruments and multi-instrumentalists, and the result is yet another collection of supremely catchy songs.  Longtime fans like me knew what they were getting, but I think this is one of Man Man’s most complete and accessible albums yet, with not a moment wasted or thrown in without thought. There are so many fun little vocal quips (The random “Went straight to voicemail!” in “Goat”; the solo chorus of “Sucking diiiiiiick” in “The Prettiest Song in the World”) that make the listener smile every time. Everything feels planned out and executed flawlessly, which is impressive when each song features several guest musicians (including Rebecca Black!) and a rotating cast of instruments and players. Keep being weird, Man Man. We don’t deserve you.

#5

Protest The Hero

“Palimpsest”

Self-released on June 18

It had been 7 years since Canada’s Protest The Hero put out a full length after leaving the world of record labels and crowdfunding campaigns. It wasn’t without its difficulties, largely due to singer Rody Walker running into vocal issues during recording sessions. Thankfully, he was able to overcome his difficulties and frankly, he killed it. There wasn’t much more life-affirming than hearing him hit ungodly high notes at the end of “From The Sky” and his joy-filled delivery was infectious on every other song. And of course, the rest of the band also fully delivers with their usual technical brand of metal. No complaints at all, hope the next one doesn’t take 7 years to show up.

#4

Caspian

“On Circles”

Released January 24th via Triple Crown Records

I was very excited about this release from basically the end of 2019 on, as these Massachusetts instrumental rock mainstays released the single “Flowers of Light” at year’s end. Thankfully, the album delivered in spades, and it is easily my favorite instrumental release of 2020. Well, that’s not technically true; 2 of the 8 songs have vocals. One welcome addition is an awesome contribution by Pianos Become The Teeth’s Kyle Durfey for “Nostalgist”, who fits the band like a glove. The second vocal track is the lovely eponymous closing track, which gives a pleasant change-up conclusion. Caspian’s three guitar approach means the listener always has a wide swath of atmospheric noise and full bodied sound, and the formula is definitely still working. There’s a reason this sextet are revered, and “On Circles” is the band firing on all cylinders.

#3

Touche Amore

“Lament”

Released October 9 via Epitaph Records

Touche Amore has been one of my favorite bands for several years running, so expectations were very high for their fifth release. 2016’s “Stage Four” was a massive success but is still very hard for me to re-listen to or encounter due to the heaviness of the album’s subject matter, and “Lament” is at least a change in that pace. Jeremy Bolm is never one to pull punches or address the uncomfortable, and his vocal delivery is as engagingly abrasive as ever. Bassist Tyler Kirby is the most obviously improved, but that may also be the production choice of Ross Robinson, who seems to have received as much publicity by working on this record than the band did. All in all, more the same is never bad with these screamo mainstays.

#2

Into It. Over It.

“Figure”

Released September 18 via Triple Crown Records

Evan Weiss is the one reliable dude. We get a new Into It. Over It. record every 3 or 4 years, and they’re always great. His songwriting and arrangement skills are top notch, and there’s enough cool little moments or unique additions to keep the listener engaged throughout the entire album. Weiss’s skills as a guitarist are in the spotlight as always (”We Prefer Indoors”), but drummer Adam Beck proves his talents throughout (”Brushstrokes”). What truly makes the album great for me are the little moments of variety or subtle changes in instrumentation or delivery that pop up in every song. The best example is the middle of the second verse of “Living Up To Let You Down”, when the band changes up the straightforward beat and chord progression to deliver a double-time feel with differently punctuated guitar chord hits (this is very hard to describe in writing; just listen to the song at 1:28). If the songs on their own weren’t catchy or well-rounded on their own, this album would be great, but it’s the moments like this that truly push it out on top. This record lived up to every high expectation I had and I’m thrilled that Mr. Weiss is a part of my life.

#1

END

“Splinters From an Ever-Changing Face”

Released June 5 via Closed Casket Activities

But enough about positive thoughts and happy feelings...Every piece of writing or commentary on 2020 will likely point out how bad of a year that we all just experienced and how grateful we are to be moving forward. I definitely agree with this sentiment for the most part but do feel like we had a lot of interesting positive moments in the year in general. However, with that logic, no album better summarizes my general aesthetic towards this weird quarantined year than this ungodly amalgamation of brutal hardcore this supergroup has wrought. Counterparts vocalist Brendan Murphy sounds like a completely different beast with a lower delivery and growl than his fans traditionally encounter, and guitarist and wunderkind producer Will Putney makes this record sound horrifying, hellacious and, well, HEAVY. Add in some unnerving audio samples and the fact that most songs are between 1 and 2 minutes, and I can’t think of anything else to best summarize my feelings toward 2020. This was the perfect album to put on and let loose any angry or negative thought with the ferocity of the tsunami of sound this group created, and should be commended as such. 

[popcornblotter]

My Top 10 Favorite Films of 2017

Good news everyone! No need for intros here, let’s end the year on a high note shall we! Here, we, go!

#10

Writer/Director Sofia Coppola further proves her mastery of filmmaking with The Beguiled. A drama set in Virginia during the Civil War when a wounded Union soldier makes his way to an all girls school in the summer, the Headmistress and students wonder what to do with him, and subsequently find out how he affects their lives.

The biggest standout for me was the lighting and cinematography. Each shot is perfectly well framed as well as only using light sources that would be available in that setting. Candles, lanterns, and the sun brought this ambiance of uneasiness. The location of schoolhouse and it’s surroundings was marvelous as well, transporting you to an almost ethereal bayou of sorts.

Colin Farrell continues to impress as he furthers his career. Bringing an edge of quiet fear, seduction, and anger all within a 95 minute runtime.

#9

I know this film was very divisive for comic book fans, and I can understand some of their qualms, but Justice League was just a heck of a lot of fun.

I loved the coming together of the team, as well exploring a bit into the newer character’s stories. Ezra Miller and Jason Momoa were the standout actors here.

I loved the humor, the interactions between the characters, and man did I love the scene when The Flash knew he was in trouble.

Despite it’s problems, the sometimes not great CGI, I still had fun, and would easily revisit this film again as it made me hopeful for what is to come from DC Films.

#8

The first time I saw this movie, I wasn’t super crazy on it. Did I think it was funny? Yes, but something didn’t quite hit the first time. So after a second viewing, I grew to love this film. While the first Guardians is a little more straight forward, plot wise, stop the bad guys from doing this, and save the day. Guardians 2 is a little less structured, there isn’t a necessary Point A-Point B plot because most of this film is exploring familial relationships. Whether its Peter and his dad, Gamora and Nebula, or Yondu and Rocket. It brings forward the idea that your family doesn’t always have to be blood. And by the time this movie ends, I was a mess.

#7

Blade Runner 2049 was a surprise for me this year. Mainly because I’ve never seen the original. I was curious, it looked cool, I’ve enjoyed director Denis Villeneuve’s work in the past, so I thought I’d give it a shot.

The way this film is shot is extraordinary. You could take any  shot out of this film and have it be a painting on your wall. The sound was so booming and explosive it transported you to this neo-noir Los Angeles. The acting is superb as well, especially the chemistry between Ryan Gosling and Ana de Armas. You felt from the first scene they have that this is a couple who’ve known each other for a while.

My only nitpick with this film is a pro and a con, which is it’s pacing. This film moves much slower than a normal film does these days. It has a very slow pace, which I enjoyed for most of it, because it allowed you to soak in this world with so much to see and hear. But towards the end, when things start coming together, you expect for things to speed up, which they don’t. In that, its very realistic to a world that is far removed from ours. I’d just hoped it would’ve wrapped up a little faster.

Despite that nitpick, I loved this film, its great, and it is genuinely a great mystery that keeps you guessing until the end.

#6

This past July, the web slinging, wall crawler returned to the MCU in a big way.

The biggest achievement of this movie is the cast that is multi-racial, extremely talented, and can make you laugh at a moments notice. Director Jon Watts was able to represent the population of New York with the characters they have, even changing the origins of some to fit the story.

Tom Holland is obviously the standout, being able to be funny, awkward, and charming all in one go. I just loved that we actually got a high school looking Spider-Man. Yes, I know Tom Holland is in his 20’s, but it’s all about what age you can play, not what age you are. Versus Maguire and Garfield, looking like they were both about start investing in 401k’s.

Michael Keaton as The Vulture does a great job, probably being the second best villain, behind Loki. He was able to make you understand where he was coming from and why he was doing what he was doing.

This is a big thumbs up for me that’ll have you laughing all the way through.

#5

All I can say is cool, cool, cool. I’ve been a fan of writer/director Edgar Wright for a bit, and his films always have this top, fun layer that you can appreciate, but then there’s this emotional layer underneath that just hits it home, and Baby Driver is no exception.

Ansel Elgort plays Baby, a get away driver with tinnitus, so to drown out the ringing in his ears, he constantly plays music on old iPods. What comes out of this film is a rollicking good time with all of the great witty dialogue Wright is known for, along some of the best edited action I’ve seen in a film. Since we watch the film through Baby’s perspective, we’re constantly hearing the music he’s listening to, either loud, or droned out. But when the action kicks up, you can’t help but say wow as gunshots and hits are timed perfectly to soundtrack in Baby’s ears. And I’m just a nerd for that kind of stuff.

Ansel Elgort has charm coming out of his ears in this film, and makes you wonder how he isn’t swarmed by women everywhere he goes. You also have a great supporting cast in Jon Hamm, Jon Bernthal, Jamie Foxx, and a small role from Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

If you’re looking for an action flick with a twist check this one out.

#4

With no surprise to myself, Marvel Studios gets another spot on this list with Thor: Ragnarok. I was immediately hooked into this new tone change from the first trailer. Marvel was finally going to let Chris Hemsworth do what he does best, and that’s be hysterical. I think the person to thank for that is New Zealand director, Taika Waititi, who’s known for wacky, off the cuff humor that works brilliantly.

I was hooked within the first minute when Thor is trapped in a cage, talking to someone about how he got there, and they flip the camera, and it’s a skeleton, which then proceeds to drop his jaw. That is the type of ridiculous humor I love. We then get a taste of the awesome action accompanied by Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song. And I was smiling ear to ear like a fool.

While the previous Thor movies have been done with a more serious, Shakespearean tone, this one goes for crazy, balls out, 80’s metal look with almost every frame look like something you’d want painted on the side of a van.

All of the actors were great. Tessa Thompson was great as Valkyrie, I loved the appearance by Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, and of course you can’t forget Tom Hiddleston as Loki and his chemistry with Hemsworth. Other great additions were Jeff Goldblum as The Grandmaster and Taika Waititi voicing a rock alien named Korg.

To me this was the tightest made film that Marvel Studios put out, with a crisp runtime of a little more than two hours it’s just enough to make you want more, but not long enough to check your phone.

#3

Anyone who knows me knew this would be on my top 10 of the year. I’m a Star Wars nut! What can I say that I haven’t already? Porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, and porgs.

If you haven’t seen this film yet, do yourself a favor and get your ass to theater.

#2

I’ll be completely honest here, I didn’t have high hopes for Wonder Woman. At the time, here’s a studio with three movies with mixed results critically, and this one being directed by someone who hadn't made a film since 2003. But I went opening day with some slight chance of hope. And I gladly ate my words.

Words can’t necessarily describe how great a film Wonder Woman is. Patty Jenkins made what some have called a masterpiece in superhero filmmaking. I agree with about 98% of that. My only qualm was that on the second viewing in the theater, I did feel its runtime a little more, which is why it isn’t in the number 1 spot.

Gal Gadot and Chris Pine have a romance that seems practical for the amount of time they spent together, it seemed genuine, and I loved how Diana would call people out on their shit if she thought they were wrong. The No Man’s Land sequence left me in tears of joy at how wonderful everything worked from the cinematography, the music, the acting, the action, just everything.

You can’t miss this one, even if you aren’t a fan of DC characters, this is just a damn good movie.

I wanted to put some honorable mentions that didn’t quite make the cut.

What would’ve been #12

Christopher Nolan’s war film, Dunkirk is a technical marvel. The cinematography is breath taking and the sound scared the shit out of me. I saw this in an IMAX theater and when bullets fired, you never knew where they were coming from until they made contact. This literally made me jump several times throughout. The reason that this didn’t make the top 10 is that none of the characters particularly stood out in any way. I could tell you the names of the actors, but not their character’s names.

What would’ve been #11

The reason It isn’t higher is because I’m not a fan of horror movies. But I was intrigued at all of the critical success this movie was gaining, so I saw it with a few friends.

The reason this movie works as well as it does is because of the writing and the great child actors they got. Aside from Finn Wolfhard, of Stranger Things fame, the rest of these kids were unknown. But damn it if they didn’t knock it out of the park with their acting chops and chemistry. But if it wasn’t for that reason, I probably would’ve left the theater within ten minutes because I don’t do scary well. And as much as I enjoyed this one, I probably won’t revisit it.

And my favorite film of 2017 is

Logan is the perfect combination of my two favorite types of films. Action blockbusters and deep, emotional character pieces. When I went into Logan, I didn’t know exactly what to expect. I’d heard it took some inspiration from some of the comics where Wolverine is an older man, but that was about it. What I got was something that seriously fucked me up.

Like a lot of people, I grew up with Hugh Jackman playing Wolverine since the first X-men film in 2000. And it seemed with each iteration Jackman tried to deepen the character to reveal Logan’s core, instead of just being a mindless killing machine. With this you get the best of both worlds. Jackman stripped Wolverine down to the point it seems like he’s given up and is ready to die. But at the same time we get to see what would actually be the effects of a guy with claws for hands mauling people like an animal, and you learn that in the first few minutes. It is gory, but damn is it awesome!

Patrick Stewart also has a phenomenal performance as a Charles Xavier that we’ve never seen the likes of in the films. His mind wandering, breaking down, plagued by what I assume is the mutant version of dementia or Alzheimer’s. Seeing Stewart’s and Jackman’s near 20 years of working together is heart warming, heart breaking, and brutal.

This film also breeds a new star in newcomer Dafne Keen as Laura. This is a girl who is wise beyond her years as an actress. For about the first half of the film she doesn’t say a word, but you see all the emotion in her face communicated brilliantly. She is definitely someone who will have a prosperous career.

What director James Mangold succeeds with Logan is that he’s able to make a superhero film, but not have it be about something super, per se, but makes it about something everyone can relate to, family. Whether it’s Logan’s relationship to Charles, Logan to Caliban, Logan to Laura, its about the relationships that you grow with and foster when you inevitably have to say goodbye. Mangold was able to make a western, a superhero film, a family piece, a deep character study, an action film. This literally has something for almost everyone. I think Logan is the perfect example of what the superhero genre could and should become.

I’ll be completely honest, like I said before, this movie fucked me up. And I was crying for almost the last five minutes. And for me to cry at a piece of media, whether it be a series or movie isn’t uncommon, but to the degree that I did was what stayed with me. It was a typical silent cry that I usually do with most films I see, but this was uncontrollable, hard breathing, loud noised, ugly face sobbing. When the word “Daddy” is said, I lose it every time.

I guess I didn’t expect to get as attached to this film as I did. But I guess with Jackman playing that character for as long as he did, he sort of became synonymous with that role. I guess it’s to the effect of Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker or Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter. But the sendoff Jackman and Mangold give this character is one of pure mastery, sadness, and hope. With the Fox/Disney deal, there is some part of me that wishes Jackman will return as Wolverine for the MCU, but if he doesn’t, that’s fine as well. Because this film is all but perfect to me.

I hope this film gets nominations for Jackman, Stewart, Keen, and Mangold for the Oscars because I think it deserves it because it broke boundaries of what a superhero film could be. And that is why Logan is my favorite film of 2017.

I want to thank you guys for reading this and for the support. Here’s hoping that 2018 will be even better! In the vain of a dumb catchphrase I tried to start years ago, stay tuned for more blotter!

[charliejrogers]

Best of 2017

Below is my list of the 40 best movies of 2017. Why 40? Because that’s all the movies I saw. In full disclosure, I have a life and must attend school so I didn’t get to see every notable release this year, so if you’re wondering why Thor: Ragnorok, Coco, Mother!, Jumanji, Justice League, I Tonya, Disaster Arist, or Blade Runner aren’t on the list… it’s because I didn’t get to see them. And also in full disclosure, I did get to watch the first half of Battle of the Sexes but fell asleep for the second half. That fact is not indicative of that film’s quality - I was just really tired when I saw it - but it didn’t feel right rating a movie I’d only seen the first half of. So without further ado, here’s my list.

0.5/4.0 Stars

40 The Little Hours

1.5/4.0 Stars

39 Guardians of the Galaxy 2

2.0/4.0 Stars

38 Beauty & the Beast

37 Okja

2.5/4.0 Stars

36 The Trip to Spain

35 A Ghost Story

34 Kong: Skull Island

33 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

32 Dunkirk

31 Logan Lucky

30 American Made

29 Lost City of Z

28 Phantom Thread

3.0/4.0 Stars

27 It

26 Lady Macbeth

25 Ingrid Goes West

24 Call Me By Your Name

23 Spider-Man: Homecoming

22 Detroit

21 Brad’s Status

20 Logan

19 Wind River

18 War for the Planet of the Apes

3.5/4.0 Stars

17 Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

16 The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected

15 Get Out

14 The Post

13 Wonder Woman

12 The Lego Batman Movie

11 Darkest Hour

10 The Beguiled

9 Mudbound

8 Shape of Water

4.0/4.0 Stars

7 Sanctuary

6 The Big Sick

5 The Florida Project

4 Baby Driver

3 Columbus

2 Good Time

1 Lady Bird

Do you disagree with the list? Well check out below to see my thoughts on each of the films.

40 The Little Hours

This movie is wholly terrible. It’s jokes include extended sequences of rape, sexual manipulation, and cruel beatings. Please don’t let the truly all-star cast fool you, this movie sucks.

Movies that had probably had some great scenes but were overall not satisfying: (1.5-2 stars)

39 Guardians of the Galaxy 2

The sophomore slump hit Star Lord & co. hard. Compared to the grand set pieces of the first film, the isolated focus on Quill and his father really hindered the fun, action-packed hi-jinks fans expected from the first film. The soundtrack almost single handedly prevented this from being an outright terrible movie.

38 Beauty & the Beast

It will be interesting in the long run to compare the quality of these live-action remakes to the animated originals. Jungle Book was great, but it helped that it’s source material was a superficial 60s musical with lots of room for expansion. Beauty & the Beast was heralded as a masterpiece back in 1991, even being nominated for an Oscar for best picture. Not best animated picture. BEST PICTURE. The Emma Watson version? Not so much. It’s boring.

37 Okja

Snowpiercer is an awesome movie. It’s perfectly paced world building combined beautifully with its creative action sequences (creative both in terms of plotting and in filming). The second English-language film from director Bong Joon-Ho? Nowhere as good. Maybe I’m too jaded… but I didn’t feel any real connection to the titular Beast (the hippo/cow named Okja) or the dangers it faced. And Tilda Swinton (who was fantastic in Snowpiercer) is too abrasive and, frankly, too odd to be taken seriously as a person. And that’s to say nothing of Jake Gyllenhal’s lunatic of a character. Skip it.

Just shy of being good, but are Solid movies.(2.5 stars)

36 The Trip to Spain

It’s kind of hard to fault Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon in any meaningful way, since anyone who has seen the first two movies in this trilogy knows exactly what to expect (and really, who but anyone who has seen the first two movies would see this?). They know to expect impressions of famous British actors by two very talented impression artists. They know to expect two actors playing irritatingly arrogant caricatures of themselves. And they know to expect a movie devoid of plot, purpose, and interesting dialogue. That said, you come for the impressions, and Coogan and Brydon will always deliver on those (Mick Jagger and David Bowie being my two favorite additions to the duo’s repertoire.) just don’t expect much else.

35 A Ghost Story

This whole movie seemed to walk the line between a solid indie movie and a parody of a self-important movie. The central gimmick of the film involves Casey Affleck spending the vast majority of the film under a white sheet following his character’s death as the character’s ghost continues to pine after a love lost. When the film focuses on the futility of grief (particular in scenes where Rooney Mara is involved), it is moving. When it tries to make larger philosophical statements about what it means to inhabit land, it gets silly.

34 Kong: Skull Island

I watched this movie hoping to see some cool action sequences of King Kong and dinosaurs. It delivered, though no dinosaurs, but “Skeleton Walkers”. Cool Vietnam War-era atmosphere. The Samuel L. Jackson character is so angry towards Kong as to defy logical sense and the plot is threadbare, but John C. Reilly does wonders when he enters the film midway for comic relief.

33 Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

I wanted to like this movie more. I tried to like it more. It has so much going for it: A pair of knock out performances by Frances McDormand and Woody Harrelson, often fascinating and engaging dialogues and monologues a la the Coen Brothers, and an intriguing premise in a mother trying to discover her daughter’s murderer. It falls apart for me because many of the supporting characters are more caricature than people, especially the insufferable bigoted police officer played by Sam Rockwell. The film is far more interested in developing the character of this unwatchable man than in ever dealing with the McDormand character’s grief, and Harrelson exits the film far too early. There are individual scenes that shine, but the sum of the film’s parts falls flat.

32 Dunkirk

I like Christopher Nolan. I really do. That said, I haven’t liked anything that he’s done since 2010. Dark Knight Rises was bloated, and Interstellar somehow doubled down on the bloat. Dunkirk, while beautifully shot and containing some truly gripping looks at the brutality of war, just never clicked with me. I particularly found the film’s tripartite structure, jumping between three stories whose chronological length differed significantly, more distracting than revelatory.

31 Logan Lucky

Appropriately nicknamed “Seven Eleven,” Steven Soderberg’s first heist movie since the Ocean’s trilogy adapts the standard caper film tropes to a down-to-Earth, working-class West Virginia setting. It’s unclear throughout if Soderberg is mocking his blue collar characters’ way of life or celebrating it, and the humor, particularly in scenes between Channing Tatum and Adam Driver, never quite clicks. But Logan Lucky probably includes the most intelligent, clever, and fun-to-watch heist in any movie. Period. If only the movie were even half as smart and entertaining as the heist it is about.

30 American Made

Doug Liman, The Director of American Made, so badly and clearly wants people to confuse this film with something from the Scorsese catalog. But this is a poor man’s Wolf of Wall Street or Goodfellas. It tries to glorify and legitimize the life of a criminal, and it hits all the highlights. It’s loosely (very loosely) based on real life smuggler Barry Seal. There’s clever heists and crimes. Shady dealings. A big budget plane crash into a suburban neighborhood. And all of it is shot and directed with a fun, vivacious energy. The problem is that this film fails to hit the hard emotional punches. There’s no equivalent to Joe Pesce “getting made” or even a real sense of come-uppance that eventually hit Jordan Belford. There’s a montage in this movie of Tom Cruise scared to start his car due to fear it’s been rigged to explode. What could have been a tone-altering sequence for the film that would bestow a great deal of gravitas, is used for laughs. And that’s about all you need to know about this movie. It’s entertaining and probably worth watching, and Tom Cruise is as cocky as ever in the lead role, but there’s nothing under the surface.

29 Lost City of Z

The is the most action-less adventure story ever told. The life of British explorer Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) and his explorations through the South American Amazon plays out at about the speed of a turtle. I’m not gonna say I was ever bored, because I wasn’t, but I was kind of waiting the whole movie for something exciting to happen and it never does. The film makes being captured by natives look as routine as a DMV visit. The movie is divided into a few key locations. There’s Britain where Fawcett spends so little of his life and where his wife (Sienna Miller as a progressive woman railing against the monotony of housewifery) and children lives. There’s The Amazon, and there’s briefly France for Fawcett’s stint as an officer in WWI. As you’ll be unsurprised if you’ve glanced at my review of Wonder Woman below, that the WWI section was my favorite. Perhaps it’s my fault for expecting something more out action of this film, but I think it even fails on the grounds of what it tries to be: a character study. Fawcett’s character is so thinly drawn and his motivations so weak, that when his son (Tom Holland) calls him out on it it’s a breath of fresh air - but then his son and wife later validates his motivations and the movie makes him out to be an unqualified hero - a champion of viewing Natives as more than savages. Fawcett did incredible things in his life, sure, but I don’t think he’s any hero. I don’t know - the movie could have been better.

28 Phantom Thread

The first half of this movie I consider excitingly British-boring, like an episode of Downton Abbey or The Crown. High class British people of the past dealing with first world problems, if well acted, well costumed, and well written, will always be entertaining to me no matter if what’s at stake is who will marry whom or, in this case, whether a dress will be ready on time. But the first half of the movie particularly shines because Daniel Day-Lewis plays the stereotypical controlling genius who society forgives because he’s so brilliant to the T. He’s insufferable, petty, emotionally stunted, and a joy to watch. And the whole first half of the film builds to a moment where Lewis’ girlfriend, a meek waitress played by Vicky Krieps, calls him out on all his bullshit. In the midst of the #MeToo era, her speech railing against his dominating, controlling behavior feels entirely appropriate. And as an audience member you expect the movie to go in a certain direction in the second half… and it doesn’t. At the risk of spoilers I won’t say more, but your response to film’s plot in its second act will be the deciding factor about whether or not you enjoy this film. For me, I did not, which is a shame because I liked the first half so much.

Good, not great movies:(3 stars)

27 It

I have never seen the original It movie or read the book, but based on the infamous boat scene that circulated virally on YouTube and the premise of a killer ghost clown… I wasn’t too pumped to see It. I happily had my expectations reversed. It is perhaps unfair to say the movie borrows from Stranger Things since that show definitely borrows heavily from Stephen King, but it’s hard to deny the similarities between the two 1980s set stories of kids against a cosmic beast. It featured incredible performances from its teenaged cast, with Jaeden Lieberher truly shining as the lead, but overall the movie felt overly long and oddly enough lacking the tension required of a remarkable thriller. Plus, I had far too many questions leaving the theater about the nature of Pennywise and so on for it to qualify as having a completely coherent plot. But as far as coming of age movies disguised as horror movies go, when It focused on the kids and less on Pennywise it was entirely engrossing.

26 Lady Macbeth

Lady Macbeth was a fascinating little film out of the UK about the extents (often violent) one woman would go to achieve freedom in an incredibly oppressive patriarchy. At just 22 Florence Pugh turns in a masterful performance of a woman wracked with guilt but full of pride in her freedom. She’s at once both sympathetic and monstrous, and watching her go from one to the other is worthy of the film’s Shakespearean title. Only complaint was that the movie, despite being only 90 minutes still felt it dragged a little in places.

25 Ingrid Goes West

What an interesting movie. Aubrey Plaza still seems to be playing the same Aubrey Plaza character she’s played in literally everything she’s been in, but this time it’s different. Rather than accepting Plaza’s character’s usual eccentric behavior as just par for the course, in Ingrid Goes West, these same behaviors are frightening. Obsessive, sociopathic, paranoid. That is the character Aubrey Plaza plays as her Ingrid travels Westward with the inheritance from her mother’s demise to emulate and become Taylor Sloane - a wonderfully basic Elizabeth Olson - someone she found on Instagram - avocado toast and all. As a movie that tries to make a statement about the ill-effects of social media on society, the movie falls flat. But viewed in the line of movies like Taxi Driver, Nightcrawler, etc. that is, movies that present the inner workings of sociopaths, Ingrid Goes West is an admirable demonstration of what Travis Bickle would look like in 2017. Also, poor O’Shea Jackson Jr. All his character wanted was to talk about Batman - and instead Ingrid ruins his life. Sad!

24 Call Me By Your Name

I’ve struggled to rate this movie fairly. One the one hand, I found it kind of boring. I found what the characters and movie deemed a meaningful relationship between Elio and Oliver to be based on little more than the fact that both were open to male on male sex. Their dialogue was supposed to come off as playfully hostile and full of sexual tension, but i just saw Oliver, played by Hammer, playing hard to get a little too well. Maybe I just wasn’t picking up the signs, but to my eyes it never seemed like Oliver ever liked Elio. On the other hand, it was a beautifully shot movie, included a scene about IndoEuropean etymology, and another about Greek bronze sculpture. Plus, Michael Stuhlbarg’s heartbreaking speech towards the end (you know which one) almost single handedly prevents this from being rated lower on this list. Thus, I left the movie thinking a lot, which is always a sign that the movie had done something right. Particularly it raised questions about and shed light on the nature, often awkward, of coming out. And for that, I recognize the movie’s importance and beauty. But that doesn’t mean it was my favorite movie to watch this year.

23 Spider-Man: Homecoming

Now for something completely different. Spider-Man: Homecoming is the definition of a mindless, fun summer blockbuster. Tom Holland shines it what is essentially a high-school action movie. It had cool action sequences (Washington Monument) and laughs (thanks Martin Starr - perhaps the best person to to cast as a nerdy high school teacher - , the school’s PA announcements, and the film’s new Spider-Man sidekick… some kid named Ned). Plus the movie’s villainous twist was legitimately a surprise in the best way. That said, Michael Keaton’s Vulture had some questionably plausible motives, with the theme of forgetting about the working class feeling a bit cliche in this film. It’s a real issue, but the movie didn’t really treat it like one. Still, I can’t wait for Spider-Man: Prom as Marvel’s first take at a high school movie was a success, even if it did little to reinvent the wheel.

22 Detroit

Detroit is a movie that tests your endurance and tolerance for brutality. Based on the historical Algiers Motel incident during the contentious race riots in 1967 Detroit, the movie is less about the incident as it is director Katherine Bigelow’s recreation of the event itself. This movie is like if you pieced together all of the scenes from a recreation typically found in a true crime documentary, and then left out the documentary narrative piece. As a result, the movie has little nuance (besides a beautiful opening animating sequence detailing the Great Migration.) Instead viewers are “treated” to two hours of raw violence. It’s not entertaining, and it’s hardly art, but it is engrossing. It stretches the imagination that some people could be so cruel and that more could be so permissive of such cruelty seen here, but at the end of the day 3 black teens ended up dead and nine others beaten… so I can grant Katherine Bigelow some leeway in how the lead racist cop in her film is portrayed as being the devil incarnate. It’s a powerful movie - just not one you’ll want to watch again.

21 Brad’s Status

If your biggest fear is that you’ll never satisfy your life’s largest ambitions… Brad’s Status is the movie for you. Ben Stiller as Brad is a guy who by all measures has a fine life - a loving wife, comfortable job, and a smart kid… any complaint he has is, by definition, a first world problem… but when he sees his old college buddies go on to become uber-successful… well, anyone is bound to get jealous. The movie is a great look at the emptiness so many feel with the direction of their lives, and Ben Stiller as Brad is perfectly cast as an understandable neurotic. While the movie does a great job of setting up Brad’s dilemma over his lack of status, it perhaps “solves” the issue a little lazily. It turns out his “successful” friends? They’re all jerks, crooks, or unhappy… so again we learn that money corrupts… an answer which doesn’t entirely satisfy the audience… or Brad.

20 Logan

If Deadpool showed how an R-rated superhero could look if you think R-rated = potty-mouth… Logan decided to show us what R-rated means in terms of violence. The opening scene where our “hero” eviscerates some gangsters by the side of a desert road is phenomenally beautiful. And the movie remains as bleak throughout - as well as, perhaps surprisingly, very thoughtful. Every scene with Patrick Stewart was beautiful. Beautiful because of his performance, but also because of how smartly written and well-paced his character’s story unfolded. What do you do when a man who could bring the world to its knees with his mind… gets Alzheimer’s? That Stewart was not even in the discussion for an Oscar baffles me. I legitimately lose interest in the film the moment Stewart stops playing as big a role about ¾ of the way through. It’s still a good movie after that point, but the story of mutant kids revolting against their slave drivers holds less power and realism than the story of a powerful man coming to grips with his dementia.

19 Wind River

Hell or High Water was, for me, the surprise hit of 2016, and when I found out that writer Taylor Sheridan was both writing and directing this film I saw it as soon as I could. While the movie may drag in a few spots here and there, it’s a pretty powerful movie about grief. It shares many story beats with Three Billboards but frankly I think this film does a much, much better job of staying focused on what’s most important. No, not the moral awakening of some insufferably racist cop, but the injustice of a girl’s life being ripped away from her family. And, more importantly, the impact that has upon an already depressed community. I don’t know how many movies there are that highlight the ironic contemporary struggle of Native Americans to get by in what should be their own land, but i don’t think there are many others. And for that fact alone Wind River deserves to be seen. While I’ve thus far talked like this movies a masterpiece it’s not. It drags a bit, Jeremy Renner’s character is both a little boring and a little too unbelievably good at his job, and Elizabeth Olsen’s character is a little bit too unbelievably inept at hers. But Sheridan crafts scripts whose violence is so genuinely shocking (no doubt in one place due to a perfectly placed flashback towards the end of the film) that you actually drop your jaw. You’ve seen thousands of people get shot in movies, but never quite like here.

18 War for the Planet of the Apes

Of all the major blockbuster franchises to be churned out these days, few have had the boldness to be both entertaining and artful. The first 15 minutes of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes should be taught at all film schools as the prime example of world building without needing a single spoken word of dialogue. I think overall I liked the new War for the Planet of the Apes a little less than its predecessor, but still more than the reboot’s first entry, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. For starters, this is a long movie and it didn’t need to be so long. That said, it has some of the best symbolism and beautifully structured motifs of any major blockbuster out there. Caesar is at times a Christ figure, a new Moses, and a slave in revolt, and the movie does a fantastic job of never letting these themes lay on too thick. And for a movie about apes, most of the sympathy undoubtedly comes from Andy Serkis. He deserves some sort of award for his work as Caesar… his facial ticks say a million things and more. Combined with the cinematography of the icy blue winter fortress, it’s a beauty to behold. Had the movie been a little tighter, it could have been that much better, but as is there’s still much to enjoy.

Great, fucking movies:(3.5 stars)

17 Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

By far the most divisive film of 2017, The Last Jedi was… a fine film. Like for every illogical plot point, for every cringeworthily forced joke, for every time that Mark Hamil didn’t know how to act, for every unnecessary venture onto the casino Planet, for every time Leia was a force zombie… I still walked away from the movie feeling satisfied. The action was good and The plot included legitimate surprises. Rian Jonson is many things, but a poor plotter is not one of them. Plus I was just so attracted to the film’s overwhelming feeling of abject failure. Blockbusters are supposed to lift us up and give us hope… but this movie presented an interesting antithesis to all that, even more so than its spiritual predecessor Empire Strikes Back. This movie will and has already been picked apart to death… but I think if someone walked into this movie knowing little about the Jedi, the Force, or who shot first, they would find an entertaining blockbuster and that’s what I saw. Perhaps not the best Star Wars movie… but a fine film.

16 The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected

Adam Sandler can act? Who knew! I did! I’ve seen Click! Anyways, this was a very good movie all around. There are top notch performances from all of its leads, with a special shout out to the quiet Elizabeth Marvel and the terrifyingly unemotional Hoffman. The films plot focused on three adults’ differing relationships with their father (Dustin Hoffman) an overbearing father and aging sculptor who failed to achieve any success. The script is superb and beautifully crafted. The whole movie can be summed up in three scenes, with each scene showing a different of the three children running. In one, Sandler is running to catch up to his Dad, representing how his character always felt like he had to prove himself to his father. In another Stiller is running in front of his father, just as his character has tried to escape the overbearing smothering pressure of his father. And thirdly Marvel’s character runs from danger but her father plays no role - she unlike her brothers has managed to shed the shadow of her father. The movie has some missteps in failed jokes (Sandler’s daughter’s movies?) and is a little long which keep it from being an instant classic, but it’s very well done.

15 Get Out

The best horror movie In a decade isn’t much of a horror movie. There are few jump scares and there’s hardly a real enough sense of danger to raise the audience’s blood pressure. But as a drama that intends to say a thing or two about America’s racial issues, this is a damn good movie. The script is extremely well-crafted and the story’s mysteries unfold in such an organic way. You’ll have thought you have it all figured out at least 3 times before the truth is revealed, and the “truth” actually makes sense and appears unforced unlike the twists in many movies of this type. There’s an alternate ending to this film you can find online where Director Peele could have pushed this movie to make a stronger statement about race… I wish he had. He used a half-measure when he should have used a full measure. The movie as a whole can be a little slow at times… but the ending action sequence and the film’s tone and message throughout more than make up for it.

14 The Post

The best newspaper movies are those that are procedural. Films like Spotlight or All the President’s Men made you feel like you were part of the investigation, highlighting the excitement and importance of mundane tasks like combing through directories of priests or tracking down witnesses that ultimately lead to giant breakthroughs. The Post has none of this. The Pentagon Papers literally fall into the lap of the Washington Post and Nixon’s paranoia ensures that The Post will be the only paper with the opportunity to publish. So it’s not a newspaper movie in that it’s not about investigative journalism so much as about the people who run the newspapers and their commitment to the first amendment. As a result, it’s preachy and a little too on the nose for those of us bombarded daily with claims of fake news. That said, it’s still Spielberg so it’s incredibly well-crafted and entertaining and Meryl Streep is fantastic in drawing out the complexity of Kay Graham. And who doesn’t love seeing Bob Odenkirk and David Cross side by side?

13 Wonder Woman

The undersaturation of the movie market with movies about World War I is a shame. Compare it with World War II which has a minimum of 4 movies a year… always. But where WWII is so often portrayed as the heroic triumph of good over evil or dives into the heinousness of the Holocaust, rarely does it get the chance to just pause and question the brutality of war itself. World War I doesn’t have that problem. There was no Hitler, no Nazis, no Holocaust. Just rulers and treaties that led to the senseless loss of life. And it’s this that movies like Joyeux Noel, War Horse, and now Wonder Woman have captured beautifully. Yes, Wonder Woman is a movie about immortal beings and super heroes with lassos of truth… but at its root it’s about the disgusting fact that humans inflict mass pain on each other based on the lightest of pretenses. The movie has a villain… but humanity is the real evil. The plot was smartly put together, the scenery and costumes nail the period, and the budding romance between Chris Pine and Gal Gadot is a treat to watch. But it’s film’s depiction of the senselessness of war (embodied in Wonder Woman’s shell-shocked Scottish companion.) that really sold me. This movie was far more moving than it deserved to be for a silly super hero movie, but it deserves its praise.

12 The Lego Batman Movie

Perhaps this of all the choices on this list will be the one to not age well… but when I saw this movie I was thoroughly pleased. Not only was it an entertaining and funny beyond a “kid’s” film, it was a parodic love letter to the Caped Crusader. I did not see 2017’s Justice League… but I can safely say this is the best Batman movie since 2008’s Dark Knight. The whole plot of this Lego movie is in fact a direct play on a line of dialogue from The Dark Knight. There the Joker tells Batman, “You complete me,” a line which in its context embodies a central theme throughout Batman lore: does Batman exist because Gotham is full of criminals, or is Gotham full of criminals because Batman attracts them. Here though, the line is taken at face value in its pseudo-romantic sense - Joker pledges his “love” for Batman and here he gets denied. And the world hath seen no wrath as a Joker scorned. It’s a funny set-up that leads to a fun who’s-who of villains from across the Batverse and beyond. The film is anchored in the now-classic Lego movie sense of humor. Special props to Will Arnett’s arrogant, self-centered turn as the lead and to Michael Cera’s bubblingly boyish Dick Grayson/Robin. The two have a perfect comedic give and take. It’s as if the whole movie is a side project of Arrested Development with a young George Michael Bluth playing along with the delusional fantasies of his Uncle GOB. Tobias would of course be Mr. Freeze - he already blued himself.

11 Darkest Hour

Who was Winston Churchill? I’m still not quite sure. The movie presented him as a drunk, surely, but also scared, crude, abrasive, confused, a little Alzheimer’s-y at times… but the least I can say is that he deserved my respect by the end of the film and that’s what the movie wanted from me. Gary Oldman is amazing in this movie and other people could speak more eloquently about his performance. But he’s not alone and Ben Mendehlsson as King George and Stephen Dillane as the preposterously prissy Lord Halifax deserve special praise. Lily James as Churchill’s secretary does not though… her role was kinda pointless… But what really caught my eye about this movie is it’s beautiful cinematography. The movie plays with light and dark so well - fitting for its title. Plus the movie tells the story of the Dunkirk travesty from such an interesting perspective. The knowledge of Hitler’s ultimate intentions today make it difficult to swallow arguments of the past that peace might have been possible, but the film does a great job of establishing tension in a conflict where everyone in the audience knows the resolution. There are times when you wonder along with Churchill whether peace might be worth pursuing. However, if you, like me, enjoy getting your history from film, You’ll likely be saddened as i was to learn that the scene where Churchill goes into the Tube and talks to the common folk for inspiration was all made up for the movie… still, the scene’s pretty magical to watch. So everyone plays their roles to the T and the pictures are pretty. If that’s not enough for you, just watch this as an antidote to watching the lifeless Dunkirk. Ugh. Fuck Dunkirk.

10 The Beguiled

This is an extremely moody, brooding film that sticks with much you longer than you’d think. It’s really a short, little movie at only 94 minutes long, but director Sophia Coppola packs that time full of lust-filled intrigue and tension. If you ever wonders what happens when a house full of sexually repressed women in the 1860s encounters a wounded soldier who’s happy to “please”… the answer is not a lot of good. This is not a porno. If anything this movie takes a male fantasy and turns it into a nightmare. Elle Fanning, Kirsten Dunst, and Nicole Kidman play a fearfully tempting trio, each approaching the mysterious figure of Colin Farrell with their own motivations. Elle as a young woman exploring her sexuality, Kirsten as a woman sheltered for too long and yearns for the companionship, while Kidman as the older woman wants to feel love again… yet Colin cannot have all three and tries anyways… and the result is chilling and creepy reminder that you don’t mess with the heart of a woman. It’s Like Gone Girl in this sense, but better because this movie’s actually rewatchable and the perspective is entirely female-centric.

9 Mudbound

Somewhere online this movie is described as “literary in the best sense” and that’s about all you need to know about this movie. It’s a sprawling character-based epic that charts the lives of two families, one white, one black, whose lives continue to intersect while living in the 1940s rural South. Like much of the 19th c. and early 20th c. American literature, the big takeaway is that life in the country is miserable and prone to stagnation (a little stuck in the mud if you will). And Carey Mulligan’s role as a sophisticated woman forced into the staid life on the farm is practically a carbon copy of the main character in Willa Cather’s “Wagner Matinee” - and that’s a good thing. Mary J. Blige looks really cool with her sunglasses but also does a great job acting as the loving matriarch of her family - in fact the whole cast is pretty incredible. However the heart of the film is the friendship that forms between the veterans returning from WWII- one from each family. Garrett Hedlund and Jason Mitchell carry well the invisible wounds of war and the movie does a great job of highlighting the great injustice and indifference our society all too often places upon the plight of veterans - especially those who are also racial minorities. It’s a movie both reflective of its period’s morals, and a reminder of how close in time we are to some of our nation’s worst racially-based hate crimes.

8 Shape of Water

Love comes in all shapes and sizes - a theme Hollywood has pushed on us for decades. But here the trite fairy tale truism is made fresh… precisely because director Guillermo del Toro does not hide the fact that his Shape of Water - though a movie for adults with rather graphic violence and sex - is a fairy tale. Its love is both unbelievable and beautiful. The film tries to say something about the civil rights movement and oppression in its portrayal of the stigmatized relationship between woman and fish monster… but I personally found those parallels a bit wonky. The film works best as a simple story devoid of overt politics. Few scenes this year are as heartwarming as two rain droplets dancing on the side of a bus window as it races through the night or a dance scene between a fish monster and a woman filmed in the black and white style of the grand musicals of Old Hollywood. The movie includes a heist (the best!), Communist intrigue, comedy, and an amazing villain in Michael Shannon. That guy’s face is made to be evil. Sally Hawkins, Octavia Spencer, Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Jenkins round out a superbly talented cast and the movie is a joy to watch. It was clear this was a work of love for delToro and though it’s not my favorite movie this year it deserves all the praise it gets. It’s a technical and moving marvel

Fantastic films (4 stars)

7 Sanctuary

Of all the movies on this list, I’m gonna bet this is the one you’ve never heard of. I’d never heard of it either. It was an accidental find hidden deep in the Hulu catalog which only attracted my roommate’s and my attentions because it was recently voted the best film in Ireland for 2017 according to some Irish critic’s circle. It was never even released in America. I like Irish film, and I loved this movie. It’s an ambitious project - at least by modern standards. A movie about people with intellectual disabilities, whose cast is mostly filled with people with intellectual disabilities, including like 4 people with Downs Syndrome. It’s part comedy, part rom-com, part romantic-drama, and throughout a tragedy. The movie struggles to find a fine line between viewing it’s largely adult cast of people with intellectual disabilities as people who need to be watched after and people who deserve independence and freedom. And that is not a fault of the movie… in real life finding that balance is hard. The movie has you laughing one moment, crying the other, but at all times forcing this viewer at least to challenge his perceptions of those with intellectual disabilities. It’s a powerful movie, an entertaining one, and one which I think all should see.

6 The Big Sick

Yes, this movie may have committed the worst of comedy movie sins - putting the best joke (the one about 9/11) in the trailer - but that doesn’t stop The Big Sick and it’s plot from surprising. I won’t spoil the plot because it’s best experienced first hand - but one thing I wish I knew going in is that this is fairly closely based on Kumail Nanjiani’s real life, who wrote the film with his wife Emily V. Gordon. I say this because when I first saw this my complaint was that the plot seemed too unbelievable and were this a purely fictional tale I’d be right - but truth is stranger than fiction. The movie has many thematic parallels with the second episode of Aziz Ansari’s Master of None in that the film presents the real pressures faced by children of immigrants to balance wanting to live a “normal” American life without seeming ungrateful or unappreciative of your parents’ culture and the sacrifices they have made to give their kids a better life. Kumail’s mother may be the “villain” from a plotting perspective, but the film is more nuanced than to portray her as heartless. In fact, the incredible love of a parent for their child is palpable throughout, and Ray Romano and Holly Hunter do wonders portraying a couple who though strained will unite to do anything for their daughter. Like life, the characters are realistic, the conflicts have no easy resolution, and it’s equal parts comical and emotional.

5 The Florida Project

Probably one of the best compliments I can bestow upon any piece of art is, “It reminds me of The Wire.” Yes, I am one of those people… deal with it. But what that to me means, is that this particular work of art manages to present an important social problem in a way that has no clear heroes or villains. Rather, it presents real, flawed humans dealing with a terribly shitty social construct. Here, the social construct is poverty - severe, depressing poverty. What are you supposed to do if you have no money, no home, no hopes for the future? You scam, you prostitute, you lie, you do anything to get by. But the characters in the Florida Project aren’t Robin Hoods or Aladdins - lovable thieves. No, they are often ugly people. This is a movie largely about “white trash” America - or rather people we cast aside without a second thought as white trash. However, what makes this movie so brilliant is that it grounds its message in the perspective of a child. Brooklyn Prince is damn near perfect in her role as the six year-old Moonee, the daughter of the aforementioned lying, scamming, destitute woman. By framing the move from Moonee’s view, director Sean Baker allows the movie to be at one moment light-hearted and the next moment heartbreaking. Like The Wire this movie deserves to be taught in any sociology class alongside any textbook. It’s an insightful look at the way the other half lives that’s full of empathetic humanity without providing its characters forgiveness carte blanche. And as entertainment it’s riveting.

4 Baby Driver

I am confident that this movie will not be as good on a second pass, as it’s more of a roller coaster adrenaline rush than artful film, and once you know all the twists and turns the fun will surely be lessened. But that doesn’t stop the first ride through the life of a bank-robbing getaway driver with a heart from being a hell of a good time. Like Patrick Stewart’s snub for Logan, I am legitimately surprised that there was never ANY talk of best director in the cards for Edgar Wright - though it’s probably a little more accurate to call him a choreographer than director as Baby Driver is, for all intents and purposes, an extended music video. Like Wright’s previous work in the Cornetto trilogy, the soundtrack is an eclectic mix of deep tracks from the mainly 60s/70s, but here the music does more than provide a backdrop to the action; it reflects and informs the action. Car chases are coordinated so that the best parts match musical crescendos. Take for example the foot chase towards to the end of the film set perfectly to Hocus Pocus’s “Focus.” The song alternates between a rocking guitar riff and a yodeling breakdown, and Wright appropriately sets the Chase parts to the guitar part and parts where Baby has to hide to the yodel. But calling it a music video perhaps robs the movie of the fact that it created an interesting cast of characters. Yes, it stars Kevin Spacey… but he’s creepy in this movie so at least art reflects life. But more of interest are Jamie Foxx and Jon Hamm as two of Baby’s slightly unhinged compatriots in bank robbing. Ansel Elgort in the title role carries enough charm and heart to capture audiences, and Lily James as the Southern beauty with the heart of gold is just grungy enough to be the perfect match for Baby’s criminal nature. Few movies have ever been this fun to watch with incredibly coordinated car chases, and the plot carries enough twists and turns to keep audiences on their toes.

3 Columbus

This movie is one of those movies where I can’t really put into words why I liked it. The most obvious reason is the movie’s scenery. Set entirely in the small town of Columbus, IN, a real town renowned across the world for its collection of buildings made in the modernist style. The town is shot beautifully and even if the movie weren’t good otherwise, it’d be worth a glance for the pictures. However, the plot is good. It’s a two-for-one with two of my favorite themes. One plot deals with the coming of age of a teenaged girl who’s too smart to get stuck in a dead end town. The other deals with a son comings to terms with his troubled relationship with his father. As I said, the movie is slow and I won’t claim to fully believe that in real life a relationship would have formed between the two main characters - it’s a little forced. But the emotions of the movie are undeniably real and it never feels like melodrama. This is one of the few movies where upon watching I immediately wanted to watch it again.

2 Good Time

Unlike Columbus, I was happy when Good Time ended and did not want to watch it again. It’s not because it’s a bad movie - far from it. But it paints such an ugly, depressing, and frankly terrifyingly real view of humanity that you’re happy when it’s finally over. This is film at its most linear (aside from one notable flashback that ranks among the best flashbacks of all time) and that’s not a complaint. The film’s runs quickly from start to finish like a bullet. The story is one of survival, as Robert Pattinson’s Nicky tries to free his accomplice and brother from custody while avoiding the cops himself following a botched bank robbery. This is not a light hearted bank heist movie like the Oceans movies, Baby Driver, or the like. While Nicky’s attempts to evade detection are certainly clever, as the movie continues you find you aren’t rooting for the protagonist - I wasn’t at least. The movie plays with the idea that the cat & mouse trope so popular in literature is far from fun in real life. It’s a hell of an adrenaline rush, Robert Pattinson gives - i think - one of the best performances of the year, and the plot is damn near perfect - not a second is wasted.

1 Lady Bird

The amount a movie makes me cry sits in direct proportion to how much i enjoyed the film (Interstellar being the big exception). At the end of Lady Bird I was awash in tears. The movie depicts with such a razor-sharp accuracy just how hard being in a family can be. Just how contradictory it can be. How is it that you can hate what your mother does, says, and stands for, and still love her? How is it that you can be so relieved to send your daughter off to college and out of your hair but also cry the entire way home? The taut relationship between Lady Bird and her mother (played extraordinarily by Saorsie Ronan and Laurie Metcalf) is without a doubt the cornerstone upon which Greta Gerwig built her semi-autobiographical story. And in a world filled with nuanced stories of miscommunication between fathers and sons, it was so incredibly refreshing to see the mother-daughter relationship explored with the same respect. The key? Neither character is flawless. Yes Lady Bird is our protagonist, but she’s just a teen. The movie can not help but remind us that for all of her confidence and sophistication there’s just so much to this world she doesn’t understand. We see her engage in doomed sexual relationships, get into petty spats with her best friend, and generally just act immaturely. And her mother is no saint either. Yes, she undoubtedly makes great sacrifices for her daughter and her whole family. She is patient and loving with her husband who suffers from depression and struggles to find work. But she also has no interest in learning about her daughter - her thoughts, her feelings. She embodies the mantra “cruel to be kind” yet it’s sometimes hard to see when the kindness kicks in. The movie is honest, it’s funny, and at times heartbreaking. It’s the best movie I’ve seen since Boyhood in terms of showing what life in America is really like, and it’s a gem of a movie deserved to be seen by all.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

The Shape of Waiting: 7 Guillermo Del Toro Films Stuck In Development Hell

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The Shape of Waiting: 7 Guillermo Del Toro Films Stuck In Development Hell

The Shape of Water, which finally gets its worldwide release this weekend, has already stolen the hearts of many. With near unanimous praise from critics, Guillermo Del Toro’s gothic romance is prime for a busy awards season. The Shape of Water leads the Golden Globes with 7 nominations, which is the icing on the cake of a year dominated by genre film. Taking home some hardware would be a much deserved cherry atop Del Toro’s incredible career, who is widely regarded as one of the most imaginative filmmakers working in Hollywood today. In the wake of his new film, there have been many articles chronicling Del Toro’s career and ranking his filmography. Instead of contributing another, we’re venturing into a world of what could have been.

Though Del Toro has a decent sized filmography, the list of films he’s almost created is three times as long. The Mexican director has a relentless work ethic and more ideas than he knows what to do with. He’s infamous for being attached to many projects whether it be via writing, producing, or directing. I’m sure we all wish Del Toro had the time and resources to make every film his heart desired but alas, some projects will never come to be. In the spirit of the holidays, let’s visit some of the ghosts of movies’ past. Here are 6 films that Guillermo Del Toro almost brought to life!

1. Hellboy 3

I have to get this one out of the way first because it hurts the most. Del Toro was already well known in the film community for The Devil’s Backbone, but it was Hellboy that brought him into the mainstream spotlight. Hellboy was a unique, gothic superhero film released towards the beginning of the comic book movie boom.. It was our first taste of Del Toro’s insane world-building abilities, blending fantasy with the paranormal. This world was then expanded upon in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, elevating everything from the first. Del Toro imagined the franchise as a trilogy, but ran into trouble getting the third into production reportedly due to conflict over budget. But the franchise gained a strong fanbase, banding behind Del Toro and Ron Perlman. Back in January, GDT took to Twitter to see if the fans could help. Despite efforts from passionate fans, Del Toro later confirmed in February that film was 100% not going to happen. But, it didn’t take long for Lionsgate to announce a Hellboy reboot for 2019.

2. I Am Legend

We all know Guillermo Del Toro loves working with creatures and monsters, including his vampires of Blade 2 and The Strain. So to little surprise, Del Toro was approached to direct the zombie-vampire thriller I Am Legend by Will Smith himself. He expressed a lot of interest in the film, being a big fan of the Richard Matheson novel. Del Toro ultimately had to pass in favor of Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. There was a small silver lining though, GDT stated in an interview with TIME that his influence still made its way into the film:

Some of the notes about their biology actually came from me going to Warner Bros. to show them my ideas. I found it quite nice that visually the vampires in that movie had some passing similarity to those from my movie Blade II. The way they move, the fact that they all lose their hair and become these pale creatures.

3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

blad

It’s a little hard to imagine Guillermo Del Toro working within an established franchise despite the fact that the Harry Potter is practically a gothic fairy tale centered around a school of children. That said, one word makes it easy to see why GDT almost directed Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Werewolves. But let’s be real, it would have been DOPE to see a practical effects werewolf (performed by long time-collaborator Doug Jones, maybe?) on screen rather than the mediocre CGI lycan we were given. Del Toro passed on the project to direct Hellboy and Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity, 2013) went on to direct the well-received Harry Potter film. So everything worked out in the end I guess.

4. Justice League Dark

Of all the movies on this list, Justice League Dark was the closest film GDT came to actually making. The film is currently in development hell, as many other directors such as Joseph Kahn (Detention, Bodied) have also dropped from the project. Del Toro was attached all the way back in 2012, with a penned script that was completed in 2014. For those who aren’t comic book nerds, Justice League Dark is a team of superheroes/antiheroes who deal with the darker paranormal threats of the DC universe. The team is comprised of: a dead guy, a demon, an occultist detective, a magician, and a character literally named Swamp Thing. Everything about the team and premise begs for Guillermo Del Toro to bring it to the big screen. A comic book movie seen through a horror lens with a unique story and killer effects could have been a game-changer. Del Toro was incredibly passionate about the material and we’ve already seen what he could do with dark superhero franchise. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts with Pacific Rim 2 and the rise of the DCEU, Del Toro had to step away from the project.

5. Pinocchio

It’s been a grueling 10 years of development hell for Del Toro’s imagined stop-motion take on Pinocchio. And of course whats holding it back, as the case with a few other unrealized projects, is getting it financed. GDT is a true artist in the sense of the word, he won’t make something unless it’s exactly his vision. Del Toro’s dark take on the classic tale would would be a Frankenstein twist on the original fairy tale, utilizing a combination of stop-motion and live puppetry. Though ambitious, the heavily practical production would be expensive, with a proposed budget of aprox $32 million. All the pieces are in place from the script to the production team, we’ve seen promo art and even a short clip. All that’s missing is the money to make it happen. Hopefully The Shape of Water‘s box office performance makes the nice list this Christmas and we get one step closer to seeing the film brought to life.

6. The Wolverine

Fans really enjoyed James Mangold’s The Wolverine, but it’s hard not to think of what it would have looked like through Del Toro’s eyes. GDT has been connected to several superhero films over the years, including Thor and the above mentioned Justice League Dark, but this one fascinates me the most. In an interview with Collider, Del Toro revealed he actually sat down with Fox Executives and Hugh Jackman about directing the film. It would have been cool to see him take on a story set in Japan, as Del Toro often drenches his films in culture like Pan’s Labyrinth  or even Crimson Peak. Logan and Hellboy share a lot of similarities, so I could see why this was an attractive project to him. Two things I desperately wanted from The Wolverine was more body horror with Logan losing powers and a practical Silver Samurai. Had GDT taken on this project, perhaps I would have gotten my wish. Del Toro eventually passed the project along to Darren Arronofsky, who then passed it on to Mangold. How cool would it be too see each director’s different vision on the iconic character.

7. At the Mountains of Madness

Lastly is Guillermo Del Toro’s passion project, the classic H.P. Lovecraft novella At the Mountains of Madness. The story is a connected anthology of sorts, a professor recounts stories during an Antarctic expedition. Del Toro has been trying to get this movie for over a decade, with the project being cancelled in 2004 by Dreamworks and then again in 2012 when he refused to make it PG-13. The second time around came pretty close: the script was complete, James Cameron was on board to produce, and Tom Cruise was in talks for the lead role. The film was denied once again over funding and the creative differences in tone, but as of 2013 Del Toro has stated he would try one more time. The film sounds like a terrifying thriller and the story would be treated with the highest respect, Lovecraft is a clear influence in Del Toro’s work. Hopefully with his relentless passion, the film will eventually get made and see the light of day.

  There are plenty more unrealized or up-in-the-air projects in Del Toro’s catalog including Godzilla, Beauty and the Beast, and The Haunted Mansion. At one point, he was even offered the entire Dark Universe! The talented director can only do so much, but with a mind like his can you blame the world for wanting as many Del Toro movies as possible? Today’s film landscape is so saturated with reboots and remakes, every Guillermo Del Toro project is a breath of fresh air. It’s unfortunate we can’t get more unique and imaginative films like Pacific Rim or Pan’s Labyrinth. To heck with the Dark Universe and the DCEU, I’m putting the GDTEU (Guillermo Del Toro Extended Universe, working title) on my Christmas List. One thing is for sure, at least The Shape of Water isn’t a project on this list. Go and support the film so we can get even more from Del Toro, perhaps At the Mountains of Madness if we’re lucky.

Which Guillermo Del Toro dream project do you most want to see on the big screen? Let us know in the comments below!

[agentnico]

American Made (2017) Review

America, f*** yeah!!!

Plot: Barry Seal, a TWA pilot, is recruited by the CIA to provide reconnaissance on the burgeoning communist threat in Central America and soon finds himself in charge of one of the biggest covert CIA operations in the history of the United States. The operation spawns the birth of the Medellin cartel and almost brings down the Reagan White House.

America, fu....okay, I’m gonna stop now. Anyhow, this is our second Tom Cruise offering of this year, and I have to say that this is definitely a better film than ‘The Mummy’. In fact, this is actually a really good film. Probably one of the biggest surprises of the year for me, as I’m not the biggest fan of Tom Cruise, however I even enjoyed his performance in this film. This movie is a bio-pic, but the difference here is that the director Doug Liman has no interest in delving deep into the seriousness of the whole situation and the facts. Instead he takes all the most interesting and riveting aspects of this true story to make a very entertaining and fun time at the movies. I do enjoy the proper serious biopics that the Oscars love so much, but I do also appreciate films like this. Hey, I really liked last year’s ‘War Dogs’, which coincidentally has a lot of similarities to this movie in style, tone, and plot. Although ‘American Made’ is probably more chaotic than ‘War Dogs’, though not as chaotic as, say, ‘Wolf of Wall Street’. The crazy part comes from how deep Tom Cruise’s character Barry Seal gets himself involved with the likes of the CIA and even Pablo Escobar, and how much he keeps getting away with. This leads to the movie being overall very lighthearted, so there is a slight miss on the emotional side of things, but the film just offers you such a good time that you honestly don’t really care about that. As I said, this movie is 10% to educate you about this true story, but then 90% to simply entertain you, which it definitely succeeds in.

There are a lot of cool plane acrobatic scenes which will please many, and Tom Cruise’s constant narration throughout the movie is charming, especially with the added animated sequences. My one issue with the technical aspect of this film is that the movie a lot of times is made to look like it is filmed handheld like a documentary, and mostly this works as I get what they are trying to go for, however at times this got a bit annoying with Barry Seal doing something and then the camera shakes so much that Barry ends up not even being on screen for a bit. Also, I would say the film goes on for a bit too long, however I can’t fully justify that point, as I cannot say that there was ever a moment in this film that I was bored.

All of the acting is really strong. Tom Cruise is having a hell of a time in this role, and we are having a hell of a time with him, as this is one of his ‘Risky Business’/’Top Gun’ roles where he is the enthusiastic charismatic likeable fella who always has a smile on his face regardless of how bonkers of a situation he is in. It’s Tom Cruise playing Tom Cruise, but in this film that is exactly what’s needed. Domhnall Gleeson as always is reliable by giving yet another solid performance as the CIA agent who hires Barry at the start. He was sort of the happier more energetic version of the Joel Edgerton CIA character in the 2015 film ‘Black Mass’. Sarah Wright Olsen was good as Barry’s wife, and it was always funny when Barry asked her if she trusted him, and she would always say no, but then follow it by saying that she loves him. From a family values perspective, this film worked was surprisingly sweet, as in the movie most of the things Barry does is for his family, and you can see why, as both Cruise and Wright show a very believable loving relationship. Other notable actors include Jesse Plemons, however I honestly didn’t understand his purpose in this movie. He’s only in a couple of scenes and does hardly anything, from which I can only gather that a lot of his scenes ended up on the cutting floor during the editing process.

I honestly had a lot of fun with this movie, and what helps probably is that I walked in with quite low expectations, so I ended up having a hell of a time as this is actually a really good movie. Ironically, this film has come out here in the UK the same week as Soderbergh’s crime caper film  ‘Logan Lucky’, and to be honest these two films would make a perfect double bill. I kind of prefer this movie to ‘Logan Lucky’, though both are good. It’s a good time to be a cinephile! 

Overall score: 8/10

TOP MOVIE QUOTE: “Either I fly the big fella, or I fly your product.”

[niamsuggitt]

The Ides Of August 2017

Yo! What’s up? I’ll tell you what’s up, and it’s the goddamn Ides of August! Yeah, that’s right, I’ve written some words about all of the various media I’ve been checking out for the past 30 days. It’s been a bit of a rough month personally (hence this being late), but that does mean I’ve had a lot of time to watch a lot of films, including, for the 2nd month in a row, a trip to the actual in-the-RL cinema.

There’s also the small matter of the return of Game Of Thrones, more Nintendo fun and an intriguing fantasy novel from one of my new favourite writers.

Let’s do this thing.

—

Movies

Lots of movies to talk about this time around! I’ll start with more of my Universal Monsters Box-Set, as I watched 2 of ‘em. First up was The Invisible Man (James Whale 1933). I thoroughly enjoyed this film. The special effect of making Jack Griffin ‘invisible’ were very impressive for the 1930s, and it was refreshing that the main character was basically just an unrepentant dick with his power. He really is a darkly human monster and Claude Rains is a lot of fun and gives a great performance, especially as you never see his face until he’s dead. It was in line with my only previous experience with the character, Moore and O’Neill’s League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which takes it even further (that rape sequence is horrific). I was also very pleasantly surprised to see Henry Travers, Clarence from It’s A Wonderful Life appear as Dr Cranley.

I then watched Bride Of Frankenstein (James Whale 1935) which was also very good. I really liked the opening sequence, which shows us the real world origins of Frankenstein, as Mary Shelley tells her story in the Villa Diodati. It’s a great moment when it’s revealed that the same actress, Elsa Lanchester plays Shelley and ‘The Bride’. I was less keen on the scenes that basically undo all of the ending of the previous film, as both Frankenstein and the Monster survive, but once Doctor Pretorius appears and the story really kicks in, I was back on board. The main thing people talk about when it comes to this film is the queer subtext, and it really is strong. Pretorious is a very gay-coded character, and you really can read a lot into his and Frankenstein’s relationship. Boris Karloff’s performance as the Monster is just as iconic as ever, and it was great to see him do a bit more in his scenes with the blind hermit. They were like an extended version of the little girl in the first film. I was actually surprised by how little we see of the title character, she appears, screams and dies. But still, it’s another iconic horror moment and an all-time great look. I would say overall that the first film is better, but I can see why some people prefer this film, if you like the auteur theory, there’s a lot more of Whale in this one.

I stuck with the monsters, but got a lot more contemporary next, with Kong: Skull Island (Jordan Vogt-Roberts 2017), which was a lot of fun, if flawed in some ways. I am a big fan of King Kong, going back to some GCSE coursework I did comparing the original film to Peter Jackson’s remake. One thing I appreciated about this film was that it wasn’t a remake, but instead used everyone’s favourite giant Ape to tell a new story, and in particular, an anti-War story. The decision to set this during Vietnam is a great one, and it gave us some fantastic imagery of Kong fighting helicopters. The action scenes here really are great, very stylish and fun. The Vietnam setting also provides a truly great soundtrack that thankfully doesn’t go full-on Suicide Squad in terms of needle-dropping. The main flaw with this film is that some of the characters, in particular Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson, who are ostensibly the leads are boring and don’t actually do that much. You probably could have removed Hiddleston entirely and it wouldn't change much. Thankfully, the rest of the cast helps to elevate things, with Samuel L Jackson, John Goodman and particularly John C Reilly, who plays a WW2 soldier who’s been trapped on Skull Island for decades delivering great performances. But the real star here is of course Kong, who not only looks real, but is fucking huge, way bigger than other versions. Any time he’s on screen is brilliant, and the fights are, as I said, incredibly cool. I was initially a little wary of this being a shared universe with Godzilla, especially as the tone of this and Gareth Edwards’ film are very different, but I can’t deny that the end credit sequence was cool and the prospect of this Kong and that Godzilla fighting each other is tantalising. I suppose it’s the same as the Marvel and DC cinematic universes, just the idea of Batman Vs Superman or King Kong Vs Godzilla is enough to at least pique my interest. So far the so-called ‘Monsterverse’ is better than the DCEU, but far off the MCU. But it’s only 2 movies!

Speaking of Marvel, I then watched Logan (James Mangold 2017) and was absolutely blown away. It’s not only the best X-Men movie by far, but also one of the best superhero films I’ve seen, and I have seen pretty much all of them at this point. I think what makes Logan so good is that it really has that weight of history that the best superhero stories have behind it. We’ve seen Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and Patrick Stewart as Professor X on our screens for 17 years, nearly 2 decades now. Some people who were able to go to see Logan in the cinema were not even born when X-Men came out. So seeing these characters and actors age and (eventually) die really has an impact on us as a viewer. It also allows Jackman and Stewart to deliver far more nuanced and powerful performances. I can’t see it happening, but Stewart deserves awards recognition in my eyes. His senile Professor X is just heart-breaking. The other great performance in the film comes from Dafne Keen as Laura/X-23, who is fantastic, despite not saying much at all. Her action scenes in particular are excellent and surprising. That applies to much of the film, which really does have some impactful scenes, I really don’t think Logan’s claws caused so much blood to spray in previous films! The story here is refreshingly simple and light on mythology, but it works, and helps tie the story and character into the classic Westerns Mangold is drawing on. There’s a reason why they watch ‘Shane’ in the motel. Wolverine is comics’ original ‘Man with no name’ and this film really is true to those roots, delivering some truly iconic images of the character for me. I really can’t wait to watch it again, but Logan really is a great reminder of how great a character Wolverine is. I love that in 2017 the X-Men franchise, which has given us a fair amount of pablum is, with this and Legion and even Deadpool are stretching the kinds of superhero stories we get on screen.

One director who also stretched the superhero genre is Christopher Nolan, and up next I took a trip to the cinema to see his latest film, Dunkirk (Christopher Nolan 2017) which really gave me a lot to think about. I’m still mulling it over weeks later, which to me is the sign of a good film, and whilst I am conflicted about some of the messages, I really think it’s an incredibly profound and effective experience that really got across the horror of war and the Dunkirk evacuation in particular. Everything, from the soundtrack to the cinematography really put you in the shoes of the soldiers and I felt incredibly tense throughout. I particularly liked that this was a WW2 movie where you don’t see a single Nazi soldier. You see some planes, but that’s it. The threat they pose is all-encompassing, and you don’t know where they are coming from. All you get is the bombs, or the bullets coming through the hull of the ship. It really helps the paranoia and isolation the men must have felt, and means you can buy the scene where Harry Styles thinks Aneurin Barnard might be a spy (he turns out to be French). The way Nolan shot the aerial battle sequences and the sea also contributed to that feeling, where they are actually rather empty. At times, the English Channel looked like that endless ocean planet from his previous film, Interstellar! I thought the performances from everyone were very strong, whether from acting heavyweights like Branagh, Rylance and Hardy, or the younger actors. I mentioned Harry Styles earlier, and he’s actually very good here, and I think his casting works on a meta-level as well, because if Styles were to have been alive back in 1940, he wouldn’t have been able to become a popstar, he would have gone off to war. It really made me think about, despite the many problems of 2017, how lucky we are to be around today as opposed to then, something I was already thinking about given that the 100th Anniversary of Passchendaele happened the same week. My great-grandfather fought there when he was younger than I am now! That’s why I think the message of Dunkirk is a powerful one, it shows that even in retreat, we hailed these soldiers as heroes and eventually regrouped and won the War. It’s not jingoistic like many war films, contrary to what Nigel Farage may tweet! My only real issue is that it took me a while to work out how all of the storylines were taking place at different timescales and not at the same time, so when Cillian Murphy interacted with Fionn Whitehead’s character I was very confused, but I think that’s more on me that the film! Overall, Dunkirk worked for me, and is probably my favourite Nolan film since Inception.

Things are getting a bit heavy, so let’s lighten up with Moana (Ron Clements and John Musker 2016), another thoroughly delightful Disney musical from the same team that gave us Frozen and Tangled. This was a funny and fun romp with some great animation and a very strong vocal performance from The Rock as Maui. One thing I appreciated about this film is that it bucked the trend of Disney Princess stories and didn’t feature any romance at all really. Moana’s journey is to help her family and her people, not to fall in love, which is a modern touch I appreciated. The music was good, nothing here is quite as immediately iconic as ‘Let It Go’, but I found ‘How Far I’ll Go’ and ‘I Am Moana’ to be powerful songs. I’m obviously not the target audience for these films anymore, but this is certainly one of the better kids cartoons I’ve seen lately. There are enough jokes to get you through, and like I mentioned, the animation and look of this is brilliant. At times it reminded me of The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and there can’t be much higher praise than that!

Nearly done! I then watched The Incredible Jessica James (James C. Strouse 2017) on Netflix, and found it to be a very strong, modern romantic comedy with a truly great central performance from Jessica Williams. I had liked Williams as a correspondent on The Daily Show, but she really shows she can act here, as she really shines in every scene of this. She’s not only very funny, but able to handle the more dramatic parts of the story too. Not that this story is incredibly dramatic, it’s actually very straight-forward, and I imagine that many people are sick to death of hip sexy young people falling in love in Brooklyn. For me though, the performance of Williams elevates this above those familiar elements. The supporting cast is also strong, Noel Wells from Master Of None is great, and whilst I still find it weird that Chris O’Dowd is getting so many Hollywood Rom-Com roles, he’s great too. And of course Lakeith Stanfield is good as Jessica’s ex, he’s showing up in more and more lately, and he’s always good. It’s going to be a long wait for more Atlanta. I also liked how this film used social media. So much of modern romance is done online, and making Tinder, or unfollowing your ex on Instagram a plot point was intriguing, and something I want to see more of. It felt much more true to life than many films, and hopefully won’t date things too much. This isn’t ‘You’ve Got Mail’.

And finally, I re-watched Get Out (Jordan Peele 2017) again on DVD and enjoyed it just as much the second time around. Particularly how knowing the twist allows you to see earlier scenes in a new light. Like when you first see Allison Williams convince the Cop not to check Chris’ ID, you think she’s being cool and not-racist. But then you realise… she doesn’t want the Cop to know Chris was with her so they can trap him! Genius.

Television

There’s really only one place to start with TV, and that’s the return of Game Of Thrones (HBO) for it’s penultimate season. I am sort of conflicted about the season so far. On the one hand, GoT remains the best-looking, most lavish TV show on the air right now, and it’s gotten even bigger this year. The Dragon attack on the Lannister Army in Episode 4 was one of the most epic things I’ve seen on the small screen, and can probably rival most movies in terms of the CGI on the Dragons. It’s also been fantastic to see so many long-awaited moments and reunions, it’s been literally years since the likes of Arya, Bran and Sansa have been in the same place. The same goes for Tyrion and Jaime. And it’s been a lot of fun to see Daenerys actually interact with characters she’s never ever met before like Jon Snow and to see the series really cut to the meat of the story there. But therein lies my big issue with the season, and I think it’s because we really are ahead of the books now and we lack that wider context for these bigger moments. Because the show moves at a much quicker pace and has changed a lot of elements, previously, when they did that, we as fans knew the wider context and meaning because we had seen it in the books. But now, we haven’t, so things are just… happening. Awesome things for sure, but I can’t help but think that George RR Martin’s original versions will be better. The books have always been more humane and had more heart than the show, which takes the cynicism and darkness a bit too far. It’s odd, initially I thought that the show getting ahead of the source material would lessen my excitement for Books 6 and 7, but it’s having the opposite effect, I now want to read The Winds Of Winter more than ever. It’s certainly going to be different, especially because the show has cut so much meat off the bone. But I’m supposed to reviewing the show, not hypothetical novels. What else? I think the show has taken another step up in terms of editing and directing, I think that freedom from the novels has allowed them to do different things, like the toilet cleaning montage with Sam in the Citadel. That was a great sequence, and one I think they should do more of. Not the shit, but the montage, especially since so many people are complaining about how quickly people seem to move across Westeros now when compared to previous years. I don’t mind that too much, but it does add to that feeling off things just happening. But nevertheless, Game Of Thrones remains one of the best things out there in any media. I can’t quite believe there’s only 2 episodes to go this year. Hopefully by the time Season 8 rolls around my issues will have been resolved because I’ll have ben able to read that book!

Also in terms of new stuff, I watched the premiere of the revived DuckTales (Disney XD) and very much enjoyed it. Like most people of my age, I watched the original when I was a kid (even though it ended in 1990, UK Kid’s TV still repeated it a lot), particularly the movie where they get a Genie Duck, and as an adult I’ve gained a new appreciation of the Duck Family thanks to learning about the importance of the Carl Barks and later Don Rosa comics. I try to fight against my own nostalgia a lot of the time, but when that classic theme tune hit, I was hit with a proustian rush of it, it was great. But even as an adult, this new show has a lot going for it. It’s funny, the animation is strong and the voice acting is great across the board. David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck is one of those choices that is almost too good and having Danny Pudi, Ben Schwartz and Bobby Moynihan play Huey, Dewey and Louie is also great fun. It is a bit weird that Donald Duck is the only one to speak in the classic way, but I think it works because Donald really is a unique weirdo. The show isn’t back properly until September, but I’ll certainly watch it, if only to hear Paul F. Tompkins appear as Gladstone Gander.

Now for another cartoon about kids going on adventures with an older relative that has an entirely different tone… Rick And Morty (Adult Swim) is properly back for Season 3 now after the premiere on April Fool’s Day. So far I’m really enjoying this year, because it’s just as insane as previous years, but also delving far more into the darkness at the heart of the characters. This week’s superhero episode was just fantastic, not just because the superhero parody element was so good, but also because of how Rick was just straight up the villain. Pickle Rick was also a standout episode. The violence was insane (I think the rat slaughter shocked me more than the Dragon War in the same night’s Game Of Thrones) and the discussion of therapy at the end was just incredibly bleak. I can understand why some people are thinking the show has been fumbling a bit this year, but I’m still digging it, and it’s certainly not going down the same path Season 3 of Community did. At least not yet. I hope Dan Harmon can break his cycle of going up his own ass, and so far, for me, he has. Perhaps it’s going up Justin Roiland’s ass instead? And that’s just a better ass?

In terms of continuing shows, Preacher (AMC) is still thoroughly enjoyable in Season 2. I am a bit disappointed that we aren’t actually getting to the road trip aspect of the show, and instead have spent most of it inside a dingy New Orleans apartment, but I suppose that’s budgetary. The actual story has been very good, with the threats of the Saint Of Killers and Herr Starr and The Grail being handled very well, and faithfully to the comics. The character work has also been very strong, Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy have all had to deal with some heavy shit, and it’s been very interesting. I’m particularly worried about what is going to happen with Cassidy and his son Dennis, who has become a Vampire too. It’s going to be tragic. This character focus is really the best thing about the show, because like I’ve said before, whilst, story-wise, it’s very different from the comics, in terms of characterisation and tone, it’s incredibly faithful to Ennis and Dillon. I think that’s why I don’t mind the divergences here as much as I do in Game Of Thrones.

Now for my catch-up viewing! I finally got around to the last 3 episodes of the first series of Inside No. 9 (BBC Two) on DVD, and thoroughly enjoyed all of them. It’s just great to have each episode be entirely different. ‘Last Gasp’ was perhaps the worst of the series, but it was still enjoyable and had a great performance from Tamsin Greig. ‘The Understudy’ was a great Shakespearean send-up and man, the final episode, ‘The Harrowing’ was a real shock. It was barely a comedy, just straight-up horror. I kept waiting for the comedic twist to come, and it never did! Brilliant stuff. I have Series 2 to watch and then I’ll have to buy the 3rd. I really can’t believe I didn’t watch this when it originally aired, what was I thinking?

I’ve also finally tackled Vikings (History Channel) Season 3. I watched the first 2 seasons in fairly quick succession last year, but somehow never found the time to continue. Now I have that bit of time, and also an iPad so I’ve been streaming the shit out of Ragnar and his friends. I really enjoyed this season, Vikings has always been very consistent, but it took a step-up here I think. Travis Fimmel’s Ragnar remains a very underrated performance, you never know what he’s planning, and I also continue to thoroughly enjoy King Ecbert’s scheming. It’s going to be very satisfying if and when he finally gets his. I also like how the series continues to surprise by having events that you’d think would be save for a climactic finale happen at unusual junctures. Big characters that have been around since the first episodes die in the 3rd and 6th episodes of the season, and it really does keep you on your toes. So much so that I almost bought Ragnar’s ‘death’ in the finale, before realising it was just a ploy to get into Paris. The whole Paris storyline was great, in particular the battle scenes. The one that took up pretty much an entire episode, ‘To The Gates’ was just brilliant, and really bears comparison to some of the best battles in Game Of Thrones or Spartacus. The new French Villains are less exciting (Count Odo’s sadomasochism came a bit out of nowhere, and it was weird how only that scene in the entire series had nudity right?) but I imagine they will be fleshed out in Season 4. The same thing happened with The Saxons. The only real negative in this season was the weird appearance of Kevin Durand as a character who might be the actual Odin. In a series where the conflict between the Norse Gods and Christianity plays such a big role, having one side appear as ‘real’ just didn’t work for me.

Music

Only one CD to talk about this month, but it’s kind of a big deal, in that it’s the new one from Arcade Fire, one of the world’s biggest bands. So far I haven’t been able to listen to Everything Now (Sonovox/Columbia 2017) as many times as I’d like (though I am listening to it now as I type this. Right now. Right… now) but I think I like it rather more than what the general consensus seems to be, and certainly think it’s a return to form after ‘Reflektor’ which I never fell in love with. It’s not up there with ‘The Suburbs’ or ‘Funeral’, but frankly, few albums are. For me, this is a very enjoyable record with some interesting new developments for the band. Yeah, the title track does sound rather a lot like Abba, but I don’t mind that, and I would put ‘Signs Of Life’ up there with Arcade Fire’s best songs. You can really tell that Thomas Bangalter from Daft Punk produced those tracks, they feel much more dancey. I do think some of the meaning behind the songs and the cultural commentary is a bit wanky, but on the record itself, it doesn’t get in front of the music itself. I think Arcade Fire are kind of suffering from Jonathan Franzen-syndrome, where people focus way more on the interviews and news around the work, than the work itself. Who cares about fidget spinners and whether or not they enforced a dress code or if it was a joke or not. Just listen to the music and forget about ‘the discourse’. I know it’s hard, and I’ve certainly failed to do that here, but still, I’m going to make an effort.

Books

I’m going to keep this short because I wrote more general thoughts last week, but I really did blast through the back half of 33 Revolutions Per Minute: A History Of Protest Songs (2010) by Dorian Lynskey. It’s a fantastically readable book and even though it’s over 500 pages long, it never felt like a chore. I was up the the 1970s last time, and this month I read from then, through the 80s and 90s and up to Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’. The focus of the book spreads a bit wider, as the focus of the protest movements becomes harder to define and the culture as a whole became more diffuse. So the chapter that is nominally about U2’s ‘Pride (In The Name Of Love)’ is actually more about Bruce Springsteen and Live Aid than those loveable lads from Liverpool, and the Steve Earle track becomes about the musical response to 9/11 and the Iraq War as a whole. It’s still interesting, but does lack the immediacy of the anti-Vietnam and Civil Rights songs from earlier. If anything, that’s my only criticism of the book, in that Lynskey’s history only goes up to 2003, and is a bit too much a part of the ‘end of history’ neoliberal consensus era. With recent events showing that to have been completely wrong-headed, this is one history that will certainly benefit from an update in a few years, once we’re able to see the true impact of Trump and Brexit and all of the other huge events. That’s if there any good protest songs to come of the current climate? Last month I said there aren’t any and that’s still the case. Maybe Lynskey could sub in a podcast and write about Chapo Trap House?

I then took a turn back into fiction, in particular fantasy with Saladin Ahmed’s Throne Of The Crescent Moon (2012). I picked this up after being very impressed by the first few issues of Ahmed’s Black Bolt, which he does, along with the amazing artist Christian Ward for Marvel. He’s giving new life to the Inhuman King, and it’s probably the best comic to come along as part of the big Inhuman push we’ve had over the last few years (I sort of don’t count Ms. Marvel or Moon Girl as Inhuman books, even though I probably should). This novel is a fantasy, but what sets it apart from the standard is that it isn’t set in a quasi-medieval European setting, but in a Middle Easternish universe. A lot of fantasy novels have these oriental settings, but most of them are set apart from the ‘real’ action, like Game Of Thrones’ ‘Essos’, but here, the main focus is the magical Arabian Nights, and I found the setting to be very interesting, and something cool and different. But setting is only a part of it, the characters Ahmed uses to populate his world are well-developed, and I found Adoulla to be a very strong central character that went against cliche. He’s not a young chosen one, he’s a middle-aged magician who can’t really be bothered. I think the closest comparison I can think of for Ahmed’s book is Scott Lynch’s ‘The Lies Of Locke Lamora’, as both are not sprawling epics where people go on quests, but tighter stories where the action mainly takes place in a bustling metropolis. The scope of this story is a lot smaller than I expected, but that just means the focus is sharp. You can certainly tell there is a wider world going on, and I am excited to see how that is developed in future novels. If you like modern fantasy and what something with a little different spin on it, this is definitely worth a read, and it won’t take 3 months to read like a lot of others. And seriously, pick up Black Bolt, it is great.

Games

I feel like I’m finally getting into the real meat of The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild (Nintendo Switch 2017) as I’ve actually started to do the main quest instead of randomly dicking around Hyrule. I’m now doing one of the ‘Great Beast’ stories having accidentally ran into a Zora during some of that aforementioned dicking around. It’s a bit of an adjustment going to a bit more of a traditional Zelda structure here, but I do welcome it. At times, the sheer scale of the game can be a bit overwhelming and I can't decide what to do. I wen through the same thing with GTA V if I recall correctly, before eventually knuckling down and completing the thing. I don’t have anything else to really say about how good this game is though, it’s superb and at this stage I’m just going to be updating you on my progress. I hope it doesn’t take too long, it took me over a year to beat Ocarina Of Time, and that’s a much smaller game! But then again, I was 12 then.

I’ve also played a bit more of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe (Nintendo Switch 2017) as my Cousin is back from China and wanted to play. It’s so much fun, particularly on multi-player and I’m enjoying slowly but surely unlocking more cool vehicles and extra stuff to play as. I also really like the fact that some classic tracks from older games are on here. I didn’t realise how well I remembered Mario Kart Super Circuit from the GBA, but it’s been buried there in my sub-conscious all this time.

And finally, I bought an Apple iPad this month! I’ve been meaning to get one for ages and I had a bit of a cash surplus so decided to be spontaneous. So far I’ve mainly used it for streaming video and surfing the web, but I do have one game, Football Manager Touch 2017 (iOS 2016). So far I’m very impressed, it’s exactly the same as the classic Football Manager… only on the iPad! For me, FM has gotten a bit too fiddly on the computer in the last few years, so this slightly more streamlined version is welcome. I just hope I don’t get too addicted like I have to past incarnations. I’m thinking the portable nature of the iPad will help with that, I can’t play for hours on end because the battery will run out! I’m only in pre-season with Sheffield Wednesday so far, but I did win one friendly 5-0, I’m definitely going to smash promotion, I can tell.

—

So there you have it. I’ll be back in September. Dunno what I’ll have to talk about, I’m in a bit of a funk so probably just… ‘I played Football Manager for a month straight and now it’s the year 2040 and everyone’s a regen’. I saw an article on Vice the other day where 2 guys played a Management sim for a thousand in-game years. This is my goal.

See you then!

[thaddeusmike]

Just saw Spiderman:Homecoming last night, thoughts with spoilers below the cut

I think this movie was less than the sum of its parts.

Before I elaborate on that, let me digress. Happy was the worst thing to happen to the Marvel movies. Even if we start at Hulk instead of Iron Man. They kind of tried to make him a real character in Iron Man 3, but they undid all of that in Spiderman. The fact that Happy continues to have responsibilities is the strongest argument for Vulture’s cynicism.

Anyway, back to that first point. The movie did a lot of things very well, but they didn’t all fit together. Some of the dissonance was necessary.Dealing with the whole hero/secret identity dual life thing means dissonance. I just think there was too much

I think this was the wrong Marvel movie for a lot of what it did. It was the wrong Marvel movie for Vulture, which sucks because he was a good villain who could have been great. But he’s a counterpoint to Tony, and I don’t feel that Spiderman really did that justice. It was there, but not as well as it could have been. Also Vulture killing the dude felt weird. It felt really ham-fisted. But it was necessary. Without that scene, I’m pretty sure I’m rooting for him over Tony. Definitely rooting for him over evil bureaucracy and Happy.

The movie was a bit too gritty. Which is a very un-Marvel thing and is part of why I thought the tonal dissonance was too much.

The grit also made me feel the plot holes a lot harder. When Cap and Tony don’t call in backup in their solo movies, that’s just a conceit of the genre. When Peter very clearly can and Happy just doesn’t give a shit, that makes Happy negligent. When the department of evil bureaucracy takes the alien salvage (with guns. I thought those were bureaucrats at first, nope) it opens up real questions. Tony’s narcissism is a lot more of a problem when it endangers lives. Sure, he tipped off the FBI and was close at hand, but Vulture was on that ferry. Tony not telling Peter he tipped the FBI is totally a thing Tony would overlook, but without Peter those FBI agents are dead (and maybe the people on the boat). And all the damage caused by that plane crash is on Happy, and on Tony for letting an imbecile be in charge of security of the very dangerous objects of the same sort as the other dangerous objects that are (have been for 8 years!) getting stolen. It just felt like things were gritty when they needed to be and weren’t when it was inconvenient. And the grittiness mainly came out to Spiderman being a dunce. And I thought the less gritty parts tended to be better. A gritty superhero movie could be good, Marvel Netflix has made it work damn well in that format, but this didn’t carry that tone through, and was the wrong movie to carry that tone.

Why was a new department formed to cleanup the alien stuff? Why wasn’t that SHIELD? I mean, other than the retroactive narrative justification that SHIELD getting all that stuff would have been bad and Team Vulture would have been heroes for keeping superweapons out of the hands of HYDRA. What was the in-universe justification? Parallels to the DHS and 9/11?

The high schoolers were, on average, more mature than the adults. May was the only responsible adult in the entire film. Maybe the quiz team coach?

Okay, on to the good things. I already said the Vulture, but I’m going to say it again. Also team Vulture’s tech was really cool. Arms dealer with super tech, remind me where I’ve heard that before?

Wait, maybe that’s the reason no one did anything. No one wanted to risk pissing Tony off with the inevitable comparisons.

Ned. Ned was great. Ned was the most trustworthy person in the film

Michelle. Michelle was hilarious. She’s clearly being set up for more, which could be interesting.

Liz. Liz was good. It’s like all of the “being a reasonable person” that everyone else was missing was shunted off to her. Even-keeled, had people skills. Again, things that most of the other major characters really weren’t. Only question is when will she realize that Peter is Spidey. She has all the tools. She has three angles to work it from (she likes Spidey, why was peter such a flake, what was up with her dad). She literally watched her dad figure it out. I mean, anyone on the quiz team should at least suspect (why was a local superhero in DC that weekend? One who Peter knows. Peter who everyone knows works with Iron Man. and Peter wasn’t around when he saved the day). Actually, anyone who payed attention to those school news videos should know too, but that might not be anyone.

May was great mom. Didn’t get enough time to show it, but did good in her chances.

Tom Holland was good. I’m not sure it’s fair to compare him to Tobey Maguire, but it’s hard not to.

The high-school stuff was surprisingly well-done. I expected to hate it and I didn’t. Peter’s social troubles were there but not overdone, which was nice.

The whole homecoming thing was great. I expected more of a straightforward gag when he rang the doorbell, rather than The Reveal. The car ride where Toomes figures out that Peter is Spiderman was great.

"Karen” telling Peter to kiss Liz was great.

I feel like there was some real-world significance to Pepper showing up. Something about contracts and whatnot.

I’m not sure how I feel about the ending. It makes sense, but it felt off when I watched it. I think it’s because too many of Peter’s struggles were actually unrelated to his immaturity. If they’d done a better job of connecting those things, I think the ending would have felt better.

This comes off as super negative. It wasn’t that bad. It felt more ambitious than Guardians 2 or Dr Strange, and it failed to hit the mark that I think it set for itself. I wonder how much of that was influenced by the whole buyout, and how much was influenced by the inevitability of the comparisons to the Maguire movies. It was the worst Marvel movie in a long time, and it really suffers from coming on the heels of the best offerings from other studios (I haven’t seen all the DC movies, but I feel confident saying WW was the best, and I think I have seen all of the X-Men movies, of which Logan was the best). It wasn’t entirely a waste of a movie ticket, but it wasn’t must-see.

[oddmott]

Here’s my favorite & least favorite movies of 2017!

Best Animated Film:

MLP the Movie

I know Coco was yet another brilliant Pixar film, but that can top your list. This is my list, and as far as I am concerned, I loved this film most of all; partly because I am already a fan of the series, yes, but also because It’sFun, charming, creative, light hearted, brimming w/ joy, has interesting world building, a lovely musical score (love that SIA song) and great production values! And visually, it is utterly unique in comparison to any other animated film this year! (Good grief, how I miss that 2D aesthetic).  Even if it is more or less just an extra length episode w/ a bigger budget & more celebrity guest stars, I have absolutely no problem naming this movie my Best movie of 2017, hands down, and I am loud & proud about that fact; Come at me bro! XD

Runners up:

LEGO Batman (sheer, joyful fun!)

LEGO Ninjago Movie (this is sooo cool!)

Captain Underpants (properly used ‘potty’ humor XD)

Coco (another solid Pixar production)

Ferdinand (2nd best Blue Skies production so far)

Boss Baby (surprisingly fun & charming)

—Also—

The Nut Job 2 (surprisingly passible)

Cars 3 (Not bad, better than the first two)

Rock Dog (dumb fun is fun, even if dumb)

_________________________________

Worst Animated Film:

Despicable Me 3

Surprise! Instead of giving this award to the obvious candidate (even if it really does deserve it), I decided to be different form the crowd and give this award to a movie ‘*that had all the advantage in the world, and calmly, decisively, stuck its todger into a deep fryer of hot bleach.’ I know the other movies aren’t exactly that great, but they all had a certain charm regardless. This movie however was just insufferable for me; mostly due to the studio’s bad habit of haphazard lackluster story writing. Its 5 different storylines were hard to follow & went know where (with the minions story being completely unnecessary), and any story that was worth telling was shoved out the door to awkwardly pursue routes that made little to no sense., The series humor has gone from passible to cringe-worthy (with new character Dru being the pinpoint for most of it). But most of all; this wasn’t a bad series, until now. Overhyped & over-commercialized, yes, but the stories & humor were clever and meshed well together back then. The first two had a certain charm to them, and the spin-off, while not as good, worked fine. Now I find the story & humor at odds, and it feels like Illumination is no longer willing to let the two work together. I really don’t like Illumination any more, and if they start making terrible Nintendo movies too, I will curse their name to the heavens forever. Here’s to the hope for better movies to come; cross your fingers.

Runners up:

The Emoji Movie (a complete waste of money, time, talent, effort, and space)

Batman & Harley Quinn (Painfully cheap, boring, unnecessary, and more)

Tom & Jerry & Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (your new rifftrax bait, have fun, it deserves it!)

—Also—

Frozen Xmas Special (you’re pushing your luck Disney)

Smurfs Lost Village (irritating waste of good potential)

_________________________________

Best Live Action Film:

Guardians of the Galaxy V2

I was actually tempted to just say this is the best film (period) of the year, but as an animaniac, I feel that honor should always go to an animated film, and it just didn’t feel right saying otherwise.

However, this film rocks! Colorful, creative, fun, energetic, and brimming with all kinds of emotion. You’d have to be a fool not to enjoy it, I say!

Runners up:

Spiderman; Homecoming (I liked it more than I thought I would)

Wonder Woman (historically above average)

_________________________________

Worst Live Action Film:

Pirates of the Caribbean 5

Good grief has this series fallen from grace. Amid its boring story, characters, McGuffins, & continuity errors, there is the one simple fact that four movies after the awesome de-view of ‘The Curse of the Black Pearl,’ P of the C has finally done the impossible by making Swashbuckling adventure BORING, and that is just unforgivable! Maybe it’s the convoluted mythology, or maybe it’s the haphazard writing or the overly-serious tones of later films. IDK, all I do know is that I am glad it’s over. Let’s make pirates fun again (in like 2025).

Runners up:

Transformers Last Night (only saw half, that’s all I needed)

Monster Trucks (brought to you by January)

Jumanji reboot (it’s on my bad list, but know that it’s okay)

Wish I saw:

Thor: Ragnaroc (ooh this looks sooo fun!)

Molten Marston & the Wonder Women (^^;)

Atomic Blonde (h-h-h-h-heartstopper!)

Hey Arnald Jungle Movie (Damnit, I love Hey Arnald!)

Leap! [Ballerina] (I’m sorry, I meant to get to you later)

Kimi no na wa [your name] (next level anime movie)

The Star (eh, whynot?)

Etc… (in case I missed something)

Glad I missed:

Beauty & the Beast, live action (screw this movie and the fact that it even exists)

Justice League (DC / WB, won’t you plz take a break?! Come back when you are ready & able)

Surf’s Up 2 (there are no words for this, I’m speechless…             …             …)

Logan (you know what; I was going to watch it. I had it in my hands for months, but in the end, I decided against it. Why? Because it looks grim and boring. X23 looked super cool, but I’ve never had a fondness for Wolverine or the X-men. In the end, I caved, and turned my attention elsewhere. Sorry. I heard it was good for fans)

Anyways, That’s all folks! Thanks for reading. Have a nice day :)

For more thoughts on the film’s i’ve seen this year, plz use the link listed below.

https://www.facebook.com/colton.nerad/posts/1107428189396998