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hargrove-brainrot · 9 months

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| Surf’s Up |

🌶️a smutty jj maybank x fem! reader🌶️

SUMMARY:

you and the pogues finally returned home after being presumed dead by the entire city of outerbanks. you might as well say you were on house arrest, but you wouldn’t be trapped for long. jj called you up and asked for some company, and from that point forward, many secrets were revealed…

⚠️‼️TRIGGER WARNINGS‼️⚠️:

detailed smut, cussing, teasing in public (on the beach), missionary and doggystyle sex, oral (male and female receiving), throat fucking, unprotected sex, pull out method (kinda unsuccessful), a small bit of trauma (mainly jj’s)

…………………………………………………………………………

it was another day back at the outer banks. you had just returned home from after being stranded on an island for months with the gang. everyone back at home thought you were dead. so you were basically held captive by your parents.

your phone buzzes suddenly. you pick it up. it’s a text from jj.

“are you busy?”

you feel a tingling sensation in your body. jj is so god damn attractive to you. everything about him. you reply;

“no… why?”

“you don’t think i’m feeling a bit lonely? i don’t have parents anymore. you don’t think i could use some company?”

you roll your eyes. he’s always been snappy towards you like this, and you never understood why…

you reply to him;

“fine, but there’s no promise that i won’t get caught. where are you?”

“at the same shit hole im always at”

you pick your head up and look around, making sure there’s no one to see you slip out your window. your feet plant on the ground as you land. you slip under the fence and sneak away, praying that your parents didn’t see you.

…………………………………………………………………………

you arrive at jj’s house. it’s small, beat up, and no one’s been in it in months. you hear jj working on his motor bike near the tall tree. he hears your footsteps in the grass and turns around.

“finally”

you scoff back at him.

“someone’s in a good mood”

jj chuckles.

“you know, at least you bite back. most other girls’ve just cried about it”.

you’re a little confused by that statement, but you don’t question it.

“so… what do you wanna do?”

“well i was thinking we could go hit the tide, and then get mad and break shit again, you know, the good stuff”

you chuckle under your breath.

“breaking shit and getting mad would probably do me some good, honestly”

jj stands up and steps closer to you, grinning a bit. you’re expression is one of skepticism.

“…what?”

jj pauses for a minute. his warm expression is replaced with his usual stern look.

“does it matter? now come on”

he slings himself over his bike and revs the engine loudly. knowing him, he does it all on purpose. you jump at the sudden noise and scoff again.

“stop it!!!”

you sling yourself behind him and giggle again. he can’t help but grin a little, but he’s to stubborn to let you see it.

………………………………………��………………………………

jj stops the bike abruptly as you arrive at another shore, not too far from his house. you hop off the bike with him.

the weather isn’t very welcoming, and neither is the ocean. the sky is gray, and the air is cold. the ocean is stirred up with aggressive waves slapping the shore.

“come on, get out there!”, jj nudges you.

“uhh, i don’t know man, it looks pretty dangerous”.

“fine, be a pussy, stay on the beach”.

jj pulls off his shirt and tosses it to the side. he then picks up his surf board and holds it over his shoulder. he jogs out to the water.

all the while, you can’t help but stare. he’s so attractive, and he knows it well by now. you wish his back was covered in your scratches, and your body was covered in his marks.

you manage to get your head out of the gutter for just a minute and warn him of the water.

“jayj! it’s pretty risky lookin’!”, you shout.

“ah come onnnnn, what do i have to lose? my house? my parents? cuz i already lost those!”.

he laughs loudly. you start laughing with him.

“i mean, you’re not wrong! we’re pogues!”

you trot out to the water with him with your surfboard resting over your shoulder. you continue to run past him into the waves.

“…you little shit”, jj mutters, grinning widely. he rolls his eyes and jogs slowly behind you. he suddenly turns the other way when he sees a swirl start to form.

you look behind you, wondering where jj went. you look over and see that he’s already caught a wave. and he’s smiling right at you while he glides through it.

“jj!!! you suck!!!”

he laughs down at you and then slips off the board and gets swallowed by the wave. you laugh hysterically.

“that’s what you get, asshole!”, you laugh.

however, jj hasn’t appeared yet. you start to get worried.

“jj…”. you mutter. “jj?!”. you start to shout now. “jayj!! please talk to me!!!”

you squeal suddenly as jj pops up behind you and shoves you in the water.

“JJ!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE STUCK IN THE RIP CURRENT!!!!”

you slap him back playfully. he grabs your arm and pulls you back into him. you’re both so close to each other.

you look at jj deeply for a moment, and he does the same. he takes in your body, looking down every inch of it. your eyes remain locked on his. jj eventually looks back up at you.

“uh- um”. he clears his throat nervously. “i don’t know what that was, uh…”. his cheeks flush with redness.

“why are you so red…?”, you ask, smirking a bit. “don’t fuckin’ think about it”, jj murmurs, “it’s just sunburn”. “sunburn, huh?”, you smirk playfully.

jj sighs, “shut up”.

that was it. the moment you’ve been longing all this time. he pulls you in and kisses you hard. you’re shocked at the sudden movement, but you ease into it shortly. you pull away slowly with him.

“look who’s sunburnt now…”, jj said lowly.

you continue to look at him, more shyly this time. you shiver as you feel his hand run down your spine. his smirk grows wider.

“you’re so fuckin’ cute”.

he kisses you harder this time, holding your neck gently. he feels your throat vibrate in his hand as you kiss him. he pulls away and looks you in the eyes. he feels just as nervous but also… turned on.

you nibble your lip gently as he stares into your eyes. that’s all it took for jj to grow wild. he smacks your ass and kisses you even more intensely. he quickly pulls away and then picks you up out of the water.

“jj!! what are you- what are you doing?!”

he keeps walking with you in his arms.

“imma fuck the shit outta you when we get home. that’s what i’m doing”

you blush profusely, but you can’t help but love his roughness. you feel wetter already.

“wait- home? what home?” you ask, “cus we sure as hell can’t go to my place. and… you don’t have one…”

jj pauses for a minute.

“we’ll just… go to the chateau…”

“oh hell no!”. you shake your head.

“ahhh come onnnn, where else?”, jj whines.

“um, literally anywhere EXCEPT john b’s bed?”, you state.

“why not? ‘guess you’ve never heard him and sarah. they go at it like animals”.

he laughs hysterically as you smack his shoulder.

“EXACTLY!!! so we could be rolling in someone else’s… you know…”, you trail off.

“cum?”

you widen your eyes at him. “i don’t know where you get the nerve to say some of this shit out loud”

“cum see, cum sah”, jj mocks.

you sigh and facepalm yourself at his teasing.

“c’mon, sweetheart”.

jj pats the seat in front of him.

“you comin’ or not?”

a smirk grows on your face.

“well, yeah… i probably will”.

“well not if you stand there and gawk”, he adds. he reaches out and tugs your waist gently. “sit in front o’ me”.

you sit in front of him on the bike. your ass is pressed against his groin. you can feel how hard he is already. you smirk wider at the feeling.

“you feel how hard it is?”, jj murmurs in your ear, “let’s see how ready you are…”

he slides his hand slowly up your inner thigh. he squeezes it when he notices your body tense up under his touch.

“what’s the matter?”, jj murmurs, “it’s just me”.

you gasp quietly as jj’s hand slips under your bikini. his thumb rubs against your clit and teases your cunt as he feels your wetness. he groans in your ear.

“shit, we ‘otta get you home, you’re so fuckin ready”. jj revs the bikes engine and speeds to the chateau.

…………………………………………………………………………

jj parks his bike abruptly in front of john b’s house. you sling yourself off the bike and walk towards the house. jj runs up behind you and tosses you over his shoulder.

he hears you squeal as he lifts you off the ground and can’t help but tease you.

“someone’s horny…”

you realize what he said and squeal again.

“stop itttt!!!”. jj slaps your ass and then sets you down for a moment to open the front door. he picks you up again before you can run away.

he tosses you down on the bed and immediately kisses you hard, over and over. he hardly gives you time to breathe between his kisses. he grunts as he pulls away quickly, running his hands down your body as he stands up straight. he starts pulling off his shorts.

“wow… we’re going at it already?”, you purr.

“nope”, jj states as his shorts drop off his legs. he pumps his cock a couple times.

you’re curious as to what he means. at the same time, your mouth waters at how hard his cock already is.

“get on your knees, girl”, he uttered, “you know what this means…”

you bite your lip and glance back at him after he says that. you slide off the bed and lower yourself in front of his cock. he slowly grips your hair and tilts your head upwards, forcing you to look at him. you give him a little pouty look.

“what’s wrong?”, you ask, ”are you nervous?”

“nervous? no”, he shakes his head.

you raise an eyebrow. “…you sure?”.

“hell no- i mean, yes, i mean- i’m not nervous”. jj gulps and throws his head back. “i’ve done this before”, he adds.

you let out a soft chuckle. “okay… sure”. you scoot closer to jj’s cock until it hovers just in front of your lips. you look back up at him. he’s definitely blushing.

“c’mon, suck me dry”, jj says lowly.

you feel him pull you towards it. you slowly open your lips over it and take in his length. you whine as he suddenly pulls your hair and shoves his length down your throat the rest of the way. jj’s breath shudders.

“f-fu- fuck- ooooohhh…”, he breathes. his body is tense as he tries not to cum immediately. even though he’s a stubborn ass, he wants to savor this night with you.

after just moments of you bobbing your head back and forth on his cock, jj thrusts his hips forward. it throws you off guard, and you squeal around his hard.

“i’m gonna fuck your mouth, babe-“.

he makes hard thrusts into your mouth. it doesn’t go on for too long, but it’s enough to leave you out of breath. his balls slap against your chin, and you let out accidental slurping noises. he growls lowly as his head is thrown back, completely lost in lust.

jj pulls out of your mouth right afterwards and winces quietly at how sensitive it is. he was so close to cumming down your throat, but he wanted to wait until he was inside you.

“get on the bed, honey”, jj groaned, “i’m gonna fuck the shit outta you just like i said”.

you bite your lip while looking up at him and then slide yourself back on the bed. jj slaps your ass as half of your body is dangling off the mattress. he grips your waist kisses your back a few times and pauses.

“we should get this outta the way”, he murmured in your ear, as he pulled the strings loose on your bikini. he squeezes your ass as your crouched below him, completely naked now.

meanwhile, the coil of arousal in your core is tightening more and more. you look up at jj with a slight pout in your expression. he finds it adorable.

“turn on your back”, he orders.

you don’t even question it. you want him inside you as soon as possible. so you do exactly that.

his mouth waters as he glances down at your pussy, staring at it with a smirk. he makes eye contact with you again and then kneels down and licks up and down between your hole and your clit.

“mmmm… so fuckin’ good”, jj muffles against your folds, “your pussy’s so damn good”. your legs tense as his voice vibrates against your clit. he notices and stands back up, his cock bobbing in the air.

“fuck this”.

jj growls as he leans over you.

“i’m not waiting”.

he presses his cock between your folds. you whine as your pussy squelches with wetness. he grabs your hips and drives only the tip inside you. he feels you clench around it and slides one of his hands around your neck.

“be patient.”, he seethes. he bites your neck hard as he slides the rest of the way in.

“ohhhhh shit!”, you moan loudly as he abruptly drives his cock inside you. he mashes his body against your bare chest and keeps his face against your neck. he whispers naughty things in your ear as he thrusts away.

“be a good fuckin girl, take this cock… oh my goddd…”

jj starts to thrust a little faster and presses himself further against your tits. he smiles wickedly as he hears you squeal.

“jayj- oh my- fuck!”

your arms latch onto jj’s back and dig into his skin. he grunts as you do that and thrusts harder and faster.

“so god damn naughty”

jj sits up away from your face and starts jerking your hips more aggressively. he moans and grunts with each thrust, and so do you.

“your cock is so good, ohhhhh shitttt!”

you suddenly fall dangerously close to your high. jj feels you clench around him and pulls out immediately. you whine at the empty feeling.

“turn over”, jj growls, “stick that ass out”

you pout and lazily roll onto your hands and knees. you wiggle your ass towards him, your cunt still swollen and puffy. he teases his cock between your folds, and then shoves in his entire length. he doesn’t wait one breath to start thrusting.

“fuck i’m hitting you so deep”, he growls as his hands dig into your hips.

you fall dangerously close again, and so does he. his sounds become more labored and breathy, and he seems less controlled. your eyes roll back when his thrusts sound more like slaps against your clit.

“ohhhhh- fuck!”, you moan loudly, “you’re fuckin nailing it- ooooh!”

jj starts thrusting even faster, your body rocking back and forth with his movements. your head arches upwards and your mouth lolls open. jj notices and mashes your face into the pillows, smirking wickedly as he does so. he bends over you and skillfully rubs your clit, making you clench around him.

“you better fucking not”, he grunts, “don’t cum yet”

his voice becomes more breathy and uneven. you could tell he was close, and so were you.

you start intentionally squeezing around his cock, making him grunt loudly. it would only take a few more thrusts until you both reached your highs.

“fuck- fuck fuck fuck-“.

jj’s voice stalls for a second before he thrusts into you hard and grunts loudly. he pulls out quickly after some of his load accidentally sprayed inside you. you came right with him, squirting all over john b’s sheets.

“shiiiit…”, jj sighs as he slaps his cock on your ass a few times. you pick your head up from the sheets and look back at him as you continued to moan.

“c’mere”

jj turns you over gently and kisses you hard. your hands run through his hair as he gives you hardly any time to breathe. you pull away in unison and stare in each other’s eyes.

“finally got my dick wet”, he breathes, “your pussy’s so fuckin good”.

“gross”, you sighed, “so… is this why you’ve been grumpy towards me lately? you were just… sexually frustrated?”. you chuckle.

jj rolls his eyes. “fine, i’ll admit it, i wanted you for so damn long”.

“how long?”, you ask.

jj thinks for a minute, a warm smile on his face. “honestly… probably since the moment i met you, i just didn’t wanna admit it to myself”. his cheeks flush with a light pink hue.

“awww… are you blushing?”, you tease, “or is it just ‘sunburn’”.

“shut up”, he scoffs while smiling uncontrollably, “what about you? when were you shot with that arrow?”

“much longer than i’d like to admit”, you mutter “i don’t remember what did it though…”.

jj gives a cheeky grin and licks his lips. he gently combs your hair out of your face and kisses you again, more tenderly this time.

“well, i’m glad i pinned you down…”, he looks you up and down slowly as you lay beneath him. he kisses you slowly again, slipping his tongue in your mouth. you gently pull away in unison, jj looking into your eyes lovingly. his eyes are half lidded and sleepy looking yet full of sincerity. to be honest, no one’s probably ever seen this side of him.

you smile warmly at him, until you realize the massive puddle of wetness under you that soaked the sheets. you blush a little as you look back up at jj, embarrassed that he has to see you in a mess. however, he seems to have quite a liking for it.

“you want me to clean it up, babes?”, jj whispers, practically drooling at the sight of your glistening clit. you know exactly what he means by that and blush even harder.

“i- i mean- mmmm! mmmm…”

you squeal as jj immediately starts eating you out without a second thought. it doesn’t last long, but it’s one hell of a ride. he moans deeply as he sucks your clit gently. his tongue then starts licking up and down your folds, moving it faster as he licks more.

your legs start to shake and tense around jj’s shoulders. he notices and smacks your ass, nearly enough to send you over the edge. he then starts muttering dirty comments to further tempt you.

“you gonna cum again?”, jj muffles in your pussy, “you gonna think about my dick inside you while you squirt on my face?”

he suddenly sticks his two fingers in your cunt and starts curling them towards your g-spot as he continues to lick up and down your clit. you cum almost immediately, your mouth flying open and your eyes rolling back.

jj fucks his fingers into you a couple more times as you pulse around his fingers. he pulls his face away, his chin dripping with your juices. his fingers slip out of your sopping pussy as he stands up again. he leans back over you and kisses you hard, letting you taste your juices.

“good girl, babe…”, jj sighs as he pats your thigh a couple times, “i’ll get a towel now…”

you continue to moan quietly as you catch your breath while your orgasm fades. jj rummages around in john b’s junk to find something relatively clean for you to wipe yourself.

jj comes back minutes later with a random rag that you probably don’t wanna know what it was used for previously. he’s also holding a random throw blanket to put beneath you until you can muster up enough energy to clean the sheets. he helps you out of bed as you shake while you stand near him, watching him toss the blanket over the wet puddle. you take the washcloth and realize how dirty it is. you look back and forth between jj and the cloth in slight disgust.

“you know what… i think i’ll just dry it out”, you yawn.

“dry it out? with me around?”, jj tsks, “i’ll make her cry even harder”.

you giggle as he talks about your pussy like it’s another person. he has a snarky grin on his face as you laugh. he reaches down and playfully slaps your ass, squeezing it gently. you jump a little and then nudge him gently.

“come onnn… i’m tired…”

jj rolls his eyes jokingly.

“after that? we only did so much?”

you scoff and flop down on the bed, laying on your side with one of your legs hiked up further out across the bed. it was going to be a sleepless night…

…………………………………………………………………………

GUESS WHO’S BACK, BACK AGAIN ‼️‼️‼️

do y’all even remember me 😭

this smut has been rotting in my notes for god knows how long. the last time i touched it before today was in september 🥶 so if the writing is god awful don’t judge 😭

ALSO, i’ve entered another hyper fixation outside of stranger things, which is honestly fkn insane to think about. i’ve been fixated lately on the witcher (the netflix series with henry cavil specifically), so i might write some geralt smut in the future if i can even remember.

ciao for now~

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ache-of-saint-vick · 9 months

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Since I'm building up to run a Ravenloft campaign using Shadowdark rules at some point this year, I wrote up a setting-appropriate Rumors table; this reflects 3e-era lore because the Arthaus era fucks and 5e sucks. Without further ado,

Rumors of the Mists:

01. The Count of Barovia is sick, and there's fear of a succession crisis if he dies without an heir

02-03. A new island has been sighted in the Sea of Sorrows, and it appears to be uninhabited

04-05. The prettiest girl in the last town you visited is starting to grow horns from her forehead

06-07. Gravediggers have found a chained coffin buried lid down in an unmarked grave

08-09. The fearsome dragon of the Mountains of Misery was sighted silhouetted against the moon

10-11. The Vistani dragged some poor fool back to Barovia for a "family reunion" at Castle Ravenloft

12-13. Captain Ysmault has been lost at sea; his poor wife is being hounded by creditors

14-15. Falkovnian chain gangs are being used to forage for bat guano and saltpeter; is war coming?

16-17. Foul horrors of undeath are swimming out of the Necropolis to terrorize the living

18-19. The Ba'al Verzi have been hired to kill someone who looks exactly like one of you

20-21. Gundarakite rebels are spending lots of money. Where did they get it? What's their plan?

22-23. Captain Ysmault has returned! He says his ship somehow ran aground in a landlocked desert

24-25. Omens suggest the inhuman El-Koth are stirring in the hinterlands of Hazlan

26-27. One crypt in the cemetery doesn't belong to any family, and has treasure buried inside

28-29. Someone in the next town wants to run away but can't subdue a Mist Ferryman alone

30-31. Baroness Lyssa is hosting a party in Zeidenburg, but needs guests willing to travel there

32-33. A new Mistway opened on the Nocturnal Sea; nobody wants to risk a ship to explore it

34-35. The Dilisnya family is summoning younger members to a meeting; what are they planning?

36-37. A Zhakatan temple has been unearthed, and the ancient dead enshrined in it are angry

38-39. The Wild Hunt Club of Vechor has lost one of its guides and is looking for a replacement

40-41. Someone is sending abhorrent love letters to the Vistani camped around Tser Pool

42-43. Two women on the mainland are feuding to be the bride of Blaustein's pirate king

44-45. Werewolves are attacking Captain Snowmane's riverboat as it sails the Musarde

46-47. Bodies are being found in the river in Lekar, completely drained of blood

48-49. Only thirteen years remain until the Time of Unparalleled Darkness is upon us

50-51. A windmill in Barovia is grinding the bones of everyone who's gone inside to investigate it

52-53. Captain Ysmault is setting forth again

54-55. The Darkonian Church of Ezra has ordered its faithful to stockpile nonperishable foods

56-57. A gambler won the deed to the House on Gryphon Hill playing Thieves and Wizards (yes I know it's called Wizards and Thieves, but Thieves and Wizards flows better)

58-59. Someone is kidnapping men and replacing them with cursed dolls

60-61. The druids of Immol will enchant a blade for whoever leads a raid into the Forlorn Vale

62-63. A boatload of immigrants has arrived from famished Paridon... with impostors among them

64-65. Rats and ratcatchers in Pont-a-Museau are contracting a disease that drives them mad

66-67. A swordsman from Rokushima has claimed a bridge and demands to duel any who cross it

68-69. The Boritsi family is offering a reward for the return of a holy relic from their chapel

70-71. The tyrant of Invidia's troops have raided Zeidenburg; the Count of Barovia is threatening war

72-73. Elf children are having nightmares about a white tower looming over a mysterious city

74-75. Someone is poisoning unopened Borcan wine; this could be the next Andraal 735 fiasco

76-77. A hideous man with half his body melted has been sighted in the seamy slums of Kantora

78-79. The mayor is being very evasive about where they were during the last two full moons

80-81. Outlanders seek a sword Rudolph Van Richten brought back from Barovia as a trophy

82-83. The moon over Vechor turned blood red and lightning flashes are visible on it at night

84-85. Have you heard the new Harkon Lukas song? It's a wonder the composer hasn't come forward

86-87. A power struggle is brewing between two high-ranking leaders of the Kargat

88-89. A mad monk has been caught in the act of burglary and refuses to explain why

90-91. For the first time in years, the Carnival is headed back down the Old Svalich Road

92-93. The prettiest girl in the next town is sleepwalking and waking up on Old Craven's grave

94-95. The Tepestani Inquisition warns that a vile fey of darkness has escaped and roams the land

96-97. Honest Igor was just here the other day, but left in a hurry when he heard you were coming

98-99. A freestanding staircase with a door at the top has been sighted in the forest nearby

00. Azalin Rex has hired someone to explore the furthest corners of the Mists for unclear reasons

#Ravenloft #Shadowdark #Curse of Strahd #if Curse of Strahd was your intro to Ravenloft you're in for so many treats

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the-firebird69 · 1 year

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As I said the several wars going on and they're pretty big. The war of the planetoids has increased to 8 trillion a day each planet being and that is the number of morlock going up there

-the war in the deserts to try and destroy the max shield ship factories has increased to about 5 trillion mostly more like each location attacking a day and the factors have not been hit since they were replaced this week at all nor the old ones that are there that they're going to replace momentarily

-the war over The tap root chips has increased because people got more Intel it is at a fever pitch. This is a huge huge War and it's increasing in size for about 2 trillion of large hole to 8 trillion a day and that's more attacking

-a new development is the kraken it is declared war on the warlock and is devastating them on their Islands and in the middle areas, it wants them out and is crushing them.

-attacks in the United States were fewer but they're still trying during the day they were attacking from behind and within Florida today three waves but one trillion each and failed miserably and tonight they have a way of coming of 8 trillion and it's huge and it's from Florida and then half of them have been here for probably 4 months or more the other half about a month and they will be devastated and minority will lock already to move in and to keep them out

-the other half of the kraken War is on the islands right now they're gearing up to go down and they come to the clothes immediately and the numbers are very big a comparison anywhere 23% so far on top of this morning I was very populated they repopulated so just say it's 23% of the new population which was about 90% of what it was before it's a huge number

-this thing with Dan has mushrooms and is much bigger than people thought it would be and a lot more people are involved and tons of his are dead tons it's like he never existed. Cuz they're trying to get higher ups and most of them are in the financial centers and have the information on what's it took and Trump does too and he's there. There's a massive financial centers and it is that in humongous. Then he gave Dave is dying his people are dying. Soon he's going to be gone. Trump 2 but he didn't take all the money even though his plan is worse

Thor Freya

His playlist his plan is gross like mad Max the second one oh no the third one fury road all these idiots have this done playing they're fighting each other

Hera

F****** retard Stan has the same plan so I'm calling him a return cuz it's stupid my people must really dig it okay dummy they watch 24/7 and strike teams that you see out there that come in and quell a whole state by using power

Zues

Olympus

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decks-writing-blog · 3 years

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Winter Gift

This is a direct sequel to my Indirectly a Hero fic. I had the idea forit back shortly after I wrote that fic but didn't have time to get to it before I needed to start focusing on holiday stuff. But then I randomly thought of it again when trying to think of ways I could write a Dead Cells Xmas fic and figured if I made it winter and used the word 'gift' I could justify it as close enough to being Xmas-like for it to count.

Turns out the pseudo life Beheaded brought to the corpses they inhabited didn’t fully prevent rotting, just slowed it. Something they never noticed before thanks to the way the time loop affected such things. Now that time had been allowed to resume it usual course though, it was becoming a problem. It was uncomfortable and then started to hurt and affect their ability to move and control the body as precisely. They’d have sprung and gone for a new body the moment they became aware of this if not for the Hand of the King, Time Keeper, and Collector’s efforts to restore proper civilization to the island, leading to the other bodies left on the island being slowly cleared away. But really, they’d all been rotting even faster so it didn’t make much of a difference, still annoying though.

Winter setting in helped… at first. It slowed the rotting process and numbed the body but then it got even colder. Frostbite was a painful bitch. They had no choice but to abandon the body to it.

They crawled out of it, letting it fall limp to the ground as the plopped down into the snow. If they’d still been capable of shivering, they’d have done so. The snow stuck to their form, clinging to them slightly as they rolled through it. Ugh! Even with their senses not as sharp while not in a body it was still an unpleasant sensation and cold.

Their form was wet and slimy so could they freeze solid? … If so, it wouldn’t kill them but the ability to move being taken away on top of everything else they lost when not possessing a body would be absolutely maddening. They weren’t risking it and quickly got moving again. They’d been to this part of the island often enough that they knew exactly where a sewer pipe was located.

Driven partially by instinct and habit, they went directly to were a body usually waited at the start of a new loop, plopping out of the broken pipe at the top. There was no body to crawl into though, of course. Nothing else was here either, even the headman’s axe and block had been removed, leaving nothing but a dried splatter of blood on the ground that was faded enough by now that it might’ve been mistaken for something else if Beheaded didn’t know better,

So still without a body and no way to get a new one right now, what should Beheaded do? Though really, the question of what they should do next was one they’d been asking themself since the time loop had been brought to an end before they were ready. Which they were still mad about because Collector was an asshole, they’d been so close! In this exact moment though, they needed to find somewhere warm to hang out lest their form froze and took away any decisions until warmth returned to thaw them. Luckily, they knew a few places that were likely to be quite warm.

The Blacksmith had moved shop, settling in city being built in ruins of the old one attached to the now defunct docks, but still wasn’t hard to find. His forge was large and let of a lot of smoke. Beheaded started feeling warming even before they’d quite found their way inside through a not quite fully repaired yet window.

Despite being in a different location, it was still mostly the same. The major difference being the forge was no longer fueled by Dead Cells but instead mundane materials. Also, there were significantly less weapons hanging around, replaced by more mundane metalworks. Unsurprising given how little violence was going on these days, making the island a rather boring place. With a mental shrug, Beheaded made their way over and then up the wall to rest on the shelf above the forge.

The Smith’s eyes locked onto them as soon as he turned in that direction a few seconds later. “Oh, I haven’t seen you around in a while.”

Yeah. Since the loop had ended Beheaded had avoided other people as much as possible, choosing to mope angeringly around the island instead. They would’ve kept doing so if not for the cold and the fear of freezing it brought.

“I assume you’re here ‘cause of the cold. I’d forgotten how bad it gets. So I suppose you can stay as long as you keep out of the way.”

That was just fine with them. They were only here to thaw after all. Though now sans a body they were going to be stuck as just a voiceless, rolling blob of slime for who knows how long? Ugh! And they didn’t have any way to express that frustration, how aggravating.

“… didn’t know they could sleep.”

“I don’t believe they require it to live but they are capable of it, even without a body it seems.”

“Should we wake them or let them sleep then?”

“No need for either, they’ve already woken up.” It was Collector who was speaking as he and the Blacksmith looked up at Beheaded.

“How can you tell? The light?”

“Yes. Now, my friend,” Collector shifted his attention to Beheaded, “I have a gift for you.”

Beheaded would’ve glared or flipped him off if they were able to. A gift from Collector, why would they trust it or him? He tricked them with a drugged healing potion, hadn’t let them finish their quest to get through the door behind the Hand before ending the time loop, despite how close they had been, and he’d threatened to put them in a jar if they misbehaved too much. Which they weren’t doing and didn’t intend to do but who was to say he wouldn’t carry out the threat anyway? So no, Beheaded didn’t trust him one bit. Before they could start rolling away though Collector continued.

“Think of it as a reward for gathering the Dead Cells for me and a formal apology for tricking you. Even though we both know you wouldn’t have let me end the Malaise right then if you’d known I’d been planning to.” Well at least he knew that and thus probably knew Beheaded was mad at him. So… they would see what his gift was before deciding to bail. It’s not like they had anything better to do anyway.

They rolled back along the shelf and onto the wall to go down it and settle a short distance away from Collector’s feet, looking up at him. One of the worst things about their natural form was how small it was. Yeah, being able to roll through the vents and pipes was nice and had all sorts of uses but they were always looking up at people and could far too easily be picked up and possibly thrown or even worse stepped on.

“I’ll take that as you’ve agreed to at least check it out. Follow me then.” Collector turned and headed out the door, even holding it open for Beheaded. They would’ve loved to give him some kind of warning look or gesture but couldn’t so they just rolled along through for now.

Collector leading the way, they made their way along in silence. They passed several people, all of who gave them looks, Beheaded especially, but didn’t say anything. Seems the efforts to restore civilization were going well based off how comfortable everyone looked wondering through the street, wrapped up to protect against the cold. And the snow had been cleared, making it less of a pain to roll across the ground. Maybe civilization had some benefits after all.

It was a fairly lengthy walk, especially since it was made in silence, but eventually Collector was leading the way into his lab. Beheaded hung back a bit more in case it was a trap. If Collector noticed he didn’t say anything.

The lab was mostly empty now, all the broken lab equipment had been cleared out but not yet restocked with working stuff. A bit odd given how Collector was now an ‘important person’ on the island – a fact that doubtlessly contributed to his motivations behind curing the Malaise – so one would think he’d requisition that stuff sooner rather than later. But apparently not.

Collector slowed to a stop near the back of the lowest level in the lab in front of a large cylindrical shaped object covered in an even larger off-white sheet. “I predicted that outside of the time loop you’d began to have trouble inhabiting corpses. Doing so is unsanitary anyway, not an issue we needed to worry about before for obvious reasons but is now. We’re trying to rebuild and keep the island as clean and plague free as possible. It’s an ongoing effort of course, it’s going to be a long time before the island in completely free of the mess the Malaise caused but we’re getting there. And part of that involves giving you something to inhabit so you’re not dragging around a rotting Malaise ridden corpse all over the island. So because of that but also in part just to see if I could, in my spare time I’ve been working on making a puppet body for you to possess.” He grabbed the sheet and yanked it off, revealing a tank with a human shaped being floating inside. “Its primarily made of the Dead Cells you provided me with mixed with living tissue, making it only sort of alive but not prone to rotting or falling apart. It lacks a brain and many other organs that I deemed were probably unnecessary for you to function in it but you’ll have to tell me for certain once you’re in.”

While he’d talked Beheaded had moved closer to the vat to circle it a few times, getting a good look at it and the ‘puppet’ inside. A body all their own that wouldn’t rot or fall apart. And it had a head and mouth, presumably granting the power of verbal speech. Something they had briefly coveted near the start of their remembered existence before giving up on it and deciding they didn’t need it anyway. It was too good to be true, wasn’t it? Did they dare trust Collector? His reasoning for it seemed sincere but what if it wasn’t? What else would he be hoping to accomplish with this though? The other way to keep them from stealing corpses and toting them wherever they pleased would be to just lock them in a jar. An easier solution than making them a body for sure. So… this was safe? Probably, right?

The glass was too smooth for them to easily stick to else they’d have rolled up it. In lieu of that, they pressed themself up against it as much as they could.

“I take it that means you approve, good. Give me a moment to get it out and then we’ll see if my calculations were correct.”

Collector, clever as ever, had left a small hole in the back of the head, near the base, allowing Beheaded to squeeze it with ease. They’d never been in a skull before, empty or otherwise, so it took them a bit before they figure out where and how to access the rest of the body, spreading their tendrils all the way through it. There were new muscles to attach to as well, in the face and neck. The latter they were familiar with just in a damaged and severed format.

As soon as they were able, they took a deep breath and sprang up to their feet. A bit clumsier than they would’ve liked but the body was different than they were used to, it didn’t move quite the same as the corpses had. Their vision wasn’t quite the same either with their sight granted via proper eyes instead of their magic eye. The biggest different there was that they could blink, a split second of darkness followed by the return of vision. Very weird and kind of annoying already, how did anyone put up with it for long? Despite that it felt goodto be in a functioning non-hurting, non-falling apart body again.

“How’s it feel? Everything functioning?”

They turned their head to look at Collector standing by the now drained vat. Stepping out of it they gave him a nod and a thumbs up. … Wait, they could speak now so they should answer verbally! They opened their mouth and… no sound came out. While they’d reportedly once upon a time been a human, they had no memory of that or how to move the face muscles to make sounds.

What an odd discovery. They never would’ve thought physical speech would take any kind of real effort but faced with the task to perform it they had no idea how to do it.

“I’m sure you will figure out speech in no time. For now, just return to me if anything breaks. Also, I set out some clothing for you. Put it on once your dry.”

They gave him another nod and thumbs up. This still seemed almost too good to be true but… apparently it was real and not a trap. Maybe, perhaps this made up for how Collector had slighted them and thus it was time to stop being mad at him… or at least less mad at him. Regardless this had turned out to be a fantastic gift even if it hadn’t been given to them solely for their own benefit.

#dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #xmas 2021

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frankendykes-monster · 3 years

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Halloween 2021 Countdown...ranked

I decided to go forward with tonight because fuck it, in spite of something like 25 - 40 films being left off the list because I could not get around to them, whateverrr. Here’s the breakdown of everything I was able to see since mid-September for spooky season, if I have the time between real life concerns and other films I need to get around to (...probably not), I might update this by the end of November with new addendums and everything but here is what we have to work with at the moment.

85. An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

84. The Giant Gila Monster (1959)

83. The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

82. Halloweentown (1998)

81. The Black Scorpion (1957)

80. When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (1970)

79. Werewolf of London (1935)

78. Assignment Terror (1970)

77. The Astounding She-Monster (1957)

76. The Beast of Hollow Mountain (1956)

75. The Land Unknown (1957)

74. The Last Dinosaur (1977)

73. Mystery of The Wax Museum (1933)

72. The Blob (1958)

71. This Island Earth (1955)

70. The Mummy (1959)

69. Mighty Joe Young (1949)

68. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

67. The Sentinel (1977)

66. House on Haunted Hill (1959)

65. Phantom of The Opera (1943)

64. Mad Monster Party? (1967)

63. Man-Mad Monster (1941)

62. X: The Unknown (1956)

61. The Invisible Ray (1936)

60. The Deadly Mantis (1957)

59. Clash of The Titans (1981)

58. Jason and The Argonauts (1963)

57. Young Frankenstein (1974)

56. Evil Dead (2013)

55. Island of Terror (1966)

54. Son of Dracula (1943)

53. The Alligator People (1959)

52. The Abominable Snowman of The Himalayas (1957)

51. Tarantula (1955)

50. Planet of The Vampires (1965)

49. The Body Snatcher (1945)

48. Jack the Giant Killer (1962)

47. Konga (1961)

46. The Creature Walks Among Us (1956)

45. Revenge of The Creature (1955)

44. The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)

43. The Ghost of Frankenstein (1942)

42. Dracula’s Daughter (1936)

41. Dracula (1931)

40. It Came From Outer Space (1953)

39. Beetlejuice (1988)

38. The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)

37. The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958)

36. The Birds (1963)

35. X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes (1963)

34. Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1966)

33. The Phantom of The Opera (1925)

32. Doctor X (1932)

31. House of Dracula (1945)

30. The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

29. Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man (1943)

28. Isle of The Dead (1945)

27. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

26. The Wolf Man (1941)

25. The Invisible Man Returns (1940)

24. Night of The Demon (1957)

23. The Howling (1981)

22. Blacula (1972)

21. Horror of Dracula (1958)

20. House of Wax (1953)

19. High Plains Drifter (1973)

18. 20 Million Miles to Earth (1957)

17. Scream (1996)

16. Forbidden Planet (1956)

15. Braindead (1992)

14. The Man They Could Not Hang (1939)

13. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

12. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

11. Frankenstein (1931)

10. Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

9. House of Frankenstein (1944)

8. Psycho (1960)

7. Near Dark (1987)

6. Perfect Blue (1997)

5. Son of Frankenstein (1939)

4. Them! (1954)

3. King Kong (1933)

2. The Invisible Man (1933)

1. What We Do in The Shadows (2014)

Now for the liner notes:

This was a mixed season for werewolf films. An American Werewolf in Paris probably wouldn’t have been egregious enough on its own to justify last place, but the fact that it’s a sequel to An American Werewolf in London (1981) landed it there. Everything that works about London from the effects work to the locale establishing to the central conflict to the comedy just fucking fails in Paris. Like this shit is about the main characters using the fact that they’re werewolves to help stop an evil werewolf cult that plans to kill a large group of people and shit about drugs that accelerate the transformation and probably more stupid shit that I blocked out at this point. You know, I saw a half assed older article at some point about someone using the Evil Dead trilogy to illustrate a point about how horror gradually got replaced by action films, and it was obviously nonsense but if I came out of the theater in 1997 having seen Paris I would have taken their word for it. It’s sort of precursor to how Universal can’t revive their respective monsters without it being an action movie (Van Helsing, The Wolfman, Dracula Untold, anything related to The Mummy). Alright. Werewolf of London. It’s funny seeing which 1930′s-1940′s horror films have dedicated audiences to them and which ones don’t and it’s obvious why this one doesn’t and why it’s reputation is basically “oh yeah, there was a Universal werewolf film before The Wolf Man” (much in the same way Man-Made Monster is only interesting because “huh, there was a 1941 George Waggner film starring Lon Chaney Jr. unwittingly becoming a homicidal monster before The Wolf Man.”) Basically every element that made The Wolf Man work is absent here. Blah. Speaking of which, The Wolf Man is pretty fucking solid, though a bit more flat than you would expect. It probably has the best script and soundtrack of any Universal monster, though in execution it comes up a bit shorter than it should be. The performances, the indoor sets, and directing work, they’re all servicable but could be better, so it has to fall back on the script’s juggling act of so many themes concerning destiny, mental illness, being subtly ostracized from one’s community, etc. to work its stuff. Despite the fact that every subsequent piece of werewolf fiction is entirely indebted to this film, I cannot call it the definitive werewolf film if only because of how much it is weighed down by its racist depictions of Romani people, which is more or less the entire reason why I don’t consider it one of the “top” Universal monster films despite its reputation. In terms of genuine defining werewolf films, we have The Howling. I mostly know Joe Dante through the two Gremlins films like most people, so seeing him do pure horror is interesting, because this film goes into some disgusting territory that kind of made my skin crawl at times. I had mentioned that it’s something of a shame that this gets mostly overshadowed by An American Werewolf in London, because there’s some stuff I think I like better in this one such as how nightmarish the transformation scene is and the overall mystery surrounding what is actually going on and how leisurely it’s paced overall.

Alright, let’s fucking do this: 1950′s and 1960′s science fiction films. The Giant Gila Monster is the rare film I would actually call “cheap” in a pejorative sense because it looks like it had a budget of $100, don’t ask me where the actual budget went. I was surprised this was as bad as it was because I really enjoy Ray Kellogg’s other film, The Killer Shrews (1959), which is cheaper than this one but looks 10x more impressive. After five Universal films and three Japanese Invisible Man films, I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to ask more out of The Amazing Transparent Man given the concept was well trodden territory at this point. The Black Scorpion was probably the only film this year that legitimately made me angry at any point, because by the final battle I just realized how much this thing was wasting my fucking time. It was a challenge not to put this at the bottom but I wanted this list to try and best reflect objective quality more than personal feelings. The Astounding She-Monster I would HIGHLY recommend ironically, this thing is so goddamn jaw droppingly hilarious in its ineptitude that I can’t wait to watch it with other people. The Blob is one where I have no idea where it got its acclaim, all the way up to a Criterion Collection release from, because it has some abysmal pacing and comedy, the whole town of oddball characters working together to stop The Blob in the last 20 minutes should have begun by the time the first act was done, just stick with the remake on this one. This Island Earth has impressive special effects but not much story to back it up...gutterball. I appreciate how the Metaluna Mutant is on all the posters and shit despite only being in the film for five minutes at the end. The Deadly Mantis I actually have an undeserved soft spot for despite it being a bad film, I couldn’t tell you why, it just tickles me for some reason. Sue me. The Alligator People was one of the biggest surprises of the season for me, I thought this one would surely suck ass but no, it’s like if The Fly (1958) was actually decent. Island of Terror I enjoyed for the opening mystery and having some unusual monsters that behave like giant bacterium. Tarantula is an oddball because 60 minutes of the 80 minute runtime is dedicated to a semi murder mystery involving growth hormones that work on animals but fuck people up, it isn’t until damn near the end that the tarantula, one of the lab test subjects, finally becomes the main focus. Planet of The Vampires is mostly enjoyable for its set design and color scheme throughout, I’ve seen better from Mario Bava (Blood and Black Lace (1964) was a casualty of me running out of time to put this list together), but stuff like the ending twist make it a worthwhile watch. Konga is a hilarious oddity that I rewatched mostly because I enjoyed the comic book follow up series, despite its name its actually not much of a King Kong knockoff and goes into some relatively new territory as far as giant ape films go. It Came From Outer Space and The Day The Earth Stood Still are two I don’t like as much as most people seem to, and while they both have great presentations and break from the usual hostile alien fare, they both suffer from the fact that they can’t 100% commit to their respective messages of non-violence in a way that’s wholly satisfactory because it’s so obvious they were both made in the 1950′s US (you know what I mean.) X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes is the rare genuinely good Roger Corman film, I’m actually surprised it isn’t more popular given its a fairly brainy film that shows genuine tragedy resulting from well meaning scientific experiments, on top of how the subject of x-ray eyes hasn’t been super well explored on film as far as I know. Between this film, The Birds, and The Terror, it seemed 1963 was the year that eye gouging was in vogue, for whatever reason. Now we get to the top tier: Forbidden Planet is one of those legitimate “ahead of its time” deals. The soundtrack is almost entirely distant mechanical noises, and taking place on a planet that’s mostly desert and having a fairly slow pace, it sets the atmosphere in such a great way through its audio. This is the closest that western science fiction got into “thinking man’s” territory in the 1950′s, given its central mystery, monster, and other random trinkets all orbit around technology that allows the mind to generate matter almost spontaneously, it’s just great stuff all around. Creature From The Black Lagoon I was kind of dreading because I’ve never liked this film and it’s a bit hard to go back to in a post The Shape of Water (2017) world but I’ll be damned, this is fucking great. Everything just comes together beautifully, it makes me wonder why more 1950′s monster movies can’t be this solid because this film makes it look easy. And then at the very top we have Them!, which is no holds barred the single greatest western science fiction film of the 1950′s, the only one that can compete on the international stage with Godzilla (1954) and Rodan (1956). What gets me about Them! is how ruthlessly efficient of a film it is, there’s no meaningless horseshit about the main character’s love triangle or whatever, it just goes full speed ahead straight from the title card and doesn’t waste a moment all the way to the end. It plays out more like a procedural than anything, just with the mystery following something that isn’t human. At the risk of spoilers, the monsters in this film are giant ants, and something I genuinely love is how it presents the fact that an animal that isn’t already somewhat dangerous immediately becomes an apocalyptic event in the making when blown up to giant size. This is probably the only film on this list that genuinely scares me, part of that is because of how much work the soundtrack is putting in, but scenes like the first survivor having a panic attack when she comes out of a state of shock, the eggs in the first ant nest all having to be burned, and plumbing around in the Los Angeles sewers for the new nest all genuinely got to me for one reason or another. Despite the exclamation point in the title, this one is 100% serious and damn if it isn’t all the better for it.

Halloweentown I didn’t plan on watching until some people on Discord had me do it and of all the films on this list, this is one I’m most obviously not in the target audience for and as such I’m probably being a but too hard on it but it’s a Disney Channel original movie so who gives a shit. I can leave it at that but I think what made this one get on my bad side was actually seeing Halloweentown for the first time and all the citizens are wearing discount Halloween costumes in a standard town that’s decorated for Halloween, in the effort of fairness I do recall the second and third films being better but goddamn at least try and put some effort in.

Oh what a sad year for dinosaur films this was. When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth might have the best stop motion monsters I’ve ever seen but goddamn are they few and far between all the plodding shit this one throws at you. If you want to see cavemen and dinosaurs tear shit up, just watch Primal, there is no reason to go back to this. The Beast of Hollow Mountain I have some odd respect for because for the first hour its a 100% western about cattle ranching disputes or some shit before the Tyrannosaurus shows up in all its awkward stop motion glory. You gotta think of how many westerns were pumped out during the 1950′s and how this one got preserved because it has a dinosaur in it, just goes to show how fucking insane and dedicated horror fans are compared to western fans. The Land Unknown and The Last Dinosaur are both the re-re-reheated leftovers of The Lost World (1925), but I’m actually upset in the latter case that the tokusatsu special effects weren’t used in a better film. Luckily I got to rewatch King Kong this year, and every time I see this film it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time all over again. This is the epitome of movie spectacle, there is no loud special effects driven extravaganza that can compete with this. Stuff like Kong’s first reveal, him killing a Tyrannosaur, his battle with airplanes, and more are burned into my memory, watching this gives the same effect that Godzilla does, I just forget everything about this film and get chills all over again. This could have easily gotten top spot but Kong is fundamentally a colonialist fantasy, unfortunately, and that prevents me from ever saying it gets the 100% clearance.

I had high hopes for Assignment Terror given that it involves aliens using a werewolf, a mummy, a vampire, and a Frankenstein to conquer the world but it ended up being a huge disappointment with barely anything actually interesting happening. The people suckered into this when it got retitled “Dracula vs. Frankenstein” suffered.

Mystery of The Wax Museum is a crock of shit, there’s no reason to touch this one because everything it does was handled better in Doctor X. They’re both pulpy pre Hayes code horror mysteries built on pseudoscience driven murder sprees and shot in that gorgeous two-tone Technicolor process, but Doctor X basically does everything right in a way where Mystery can’t compete. Mystery did give way to House of Wax, another one of the best surprises for me this year and genuinely one of the best horror remakes ever made. It takes the foundation provided by Mystery, excises all the horseshit, and expands on everything that needed more room to breathe. It is a night and day difference that completely replaces the earlier film with something legitimately great.

Harryhausen time. This might surprise everyone reading this who is somewhat familiar with my taste in film but I just do not care for Ray Harryhausen’s stuff beyond historical and technical respect, which does not translate into me enjoying his filmography on a more casual level. His films almost never have a super impressive setting, cast, setting, etc. which makes them feel more like tech demos than anything. Special effects need to serve a film but Harryhausen’s work literally started with planning the special effects scenes and then writing around them, so it’s a question of why I should watch the whole thing rather than just YouTube compilations, I mean there’s a reasom why Jack the Giant Killer, a ripoff of The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, is higher up on the list than half of the ones I’m about to mention. Mighty Joe Young is just a weaker more pussified version of King Kong and Son of Kong (1933), Clash of The Titans’ biggest contribution was allowing for Harry Hamlin to come back and voice Perseus in God of War II, and I have no idea why Jason and The Argonauts is so highly appraised. Stuff like how the Hydra’s heads independently move or there’s seven stop motion skeletons fighting three actors is impressive in terms of skill but doesn’t translate into fight scenes that are actually captivating or emotionally engaging. It’s odd that Harryhausen was inspired by King Kong yet he never made an environment that was as three dimensional and alive as Skull Island nor a film with as much energy. The 7th Voyage of Sinbad is probably his strongest fantasy work, albeit you have to get past the fact that all these characters are West Asian yet played by white people, badly at that (I’m usually never super impressed by acting nor annoyed by it, so when I say performances are bad, they’re fucking bad). The backhalf of the film is what makes it worth a watch however what with the strongest round up of monsters in any Harryhausen film, I’m particularly fond of the dragon. The Beast From 20,00 Fathoms is actually legitimately good, probably because it uses the standard 1950′s monster story format to decent effect plus Harryhausen only has a single monster to work with, which allows it to have much more character. It’s also weirdly ambitious with the Rhedosaurus moving in out of shadows, destroying buildings, or being shot at high and low angles to help convey size, all of which translate to a better audience experience than anything in Argonauts. Then there’s 20 Million Miles to Earth, definitely the best Harryhausen film, and aside from Beast a little bit, the one film where his work fully elevates the material and wraps it up in a nice bow. I never feel as if I’m just watching it because there’s a stop motion monster animated by Harryhausen, it feels like it’s a fully realized science fiction film that has a great monster character at the center.

The Sentinel desperately wants to be a 1970′s European horror or Don’t Look Now (1973), but it forgets that you need to put in the work to actually craft atmosphere to do that.

House on Haunted Hill would probably be great in the theater with the flying skeleton over the audience and shit but watching it alone at home reveals how much it needs William Castle’s funhouse tricks to make it work.

Mad Monster Party? I was excited about because I actually rather enjoy Rankin-Bass’ Christmas specials and their connective wintery mythos, but good god was this a slog during the middle chunk and barely funny whatsoever. I was excited to see this many monsters doing the mash in one place but it all goes downhill after the opening credits song number. I wanted to come back here and ask everyone why this doesn’t define Halloween in the same way they defined Christmas but having seen it, now I know.

I only got around to two versions of Phantom of The Opera this year. The 1925 film is overall pretty good with no major hangups to speak of, from what I gather it’s also pretty close to the book. I had a hell of a time trying to find the right version though, because I ended up discovering that none of the like six fucking cuts we have are 100% accurate to the original 1925 release which is now semi lost. It’s a rabbit hole that I won’t recound for you here but I watched the Photoplay restoration of the 1929 release. The 1943 film...is a piece of work. I have no idea why this is included in the essential Universal monsters home media releases over something like Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, but this is a wonderful looking film disguising a shitty half assed telling of this story. Erique’s motivations are never wholly touched upon, Raoul and Anatole are competing for Christine’s affections and it never pays off until the very end with a half decent gag, stuff that should take place early in the film like Christine being escorted to Erique’s lair is reserved for the very end, it’s confounding. Though there are some pure comedies and fantasies and science fiction films on this list, this one feels the least horror of them all. It’s total unchallenging Oscar bait that reminds me of The Red Shoes (1948) more than anything. In a [sees another 1940s color films that’s about opera] “getting major Red Shoes vibes from this...” type of way.

Young Frankenstein...I laughed at one joke in this.

Evil Dead I’ve always been mildly curious about because it seemed like it caught on just a bit more than most unnecessary remakes, which get all of 30 seconds of attention before no one ever talks about them again. When was the last time anyone said anything about Poltergeist (2015) or Child’s Play (2019)? Hell if I know. For a quick rundown on my Evil Dead thoughts: I don’t give a shit about The Evil Dead (1981), Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn (1987) is one of my top 10 favorite films of all time and one where I wouldn’t be the same person today if I didn’t see it at a young age, I don’t give a shit about Army of Darkness (1992). So, Evil Dead issss slightly better than The Evil Dead? There are large chunks of this one where I was bored but little things added up, like how unnerving the deadites role playing as their victims were in this one, the brutality with shit like the nail gun, the motivations for actually going to the cabin beyond shooting the shit, the fact it didn’t try and be shot-for-shot the same. All that said it feels more generic than the first film just by virtue of it coming out in 2013, after 30 years worth of the original’s influence, and there’s nothing about it that sticks out as much as the material in the first film, in spite of me enjoying it more.

Universal monster sequels that aren’t Frankenstein: go. Son of Dracula is standard 1940′s fluff horror, unless you have to see everything related to Universal’s Dracula you can safely skip this one, which was admittedly the Universal monster film I was probably least familiar with before watching it this month, so at least something came out of it. At least it gave us Alucard from the Castlevania series. Both Revenge of The Creature and The Creature Walks Among Us have solid concepts, they just can’t recreate the lightning-in-the-bottle (rare time I say that) sensation that was Black Lagoon. A lot of the character work and subtext of that first film along with genuine suspense and fight scenes and shit just isn’t here. Also, Gillman’s design in that 1954 film was perfect, don’t fuck with it, just don’t. Dracula’s Daughter is interesting if only because it’s the only true sequel to 1931′s Dracula, with everything following being soft reboots. This is mostly me being a lesbian but the titular character is “interesting”, work with me here. It feels a bit like Dracula riding the coattails of Frankenstein with a female centric direct sequel, but it feels inspired with Countess Zaleska trying to find a cure for her vampirism now that her father has been killed, speaking of which, Van Helsing is arrested for most of the film because “the foreign diplomat was a vampire” is a not a good defense for murder in court. The Invisible Man Returns is the real deal, feeling close enough to the original film while doing its own thing, focusing on a light crime drama rather than a mad murder spree, and perfecting the effects techniques of the first film. It is sorely lacking in terms of dark comedy and world building however, and coming out after the Hayes Code, you can tell how much more neutered this one is in comparison.

Boris Karloff...oh how I love him. I needed to spend much more time this season familiarizing myself with more of his work. The Invisible Ray is mid-tier 1930′s horror, nothing special beyond Karloff and Bela Lugosi’s performances, The Body Snatcher is upper mid tier 1940′s horror but once again only Karloff is the reason why it stands out. He plays such a great shit eating bastard, when he gives that toothy smile someone is about to fucking die. Isle of The Dead is far and away the best film produced by Val Lewton that I’ve seen, another slow burn decent into madness and one thing I’ve got to thank a shit ton of these films for is being well under 90 minutes. I think, do I have enough time for this, see that it’s 70 minutes, and realize yes I do have time for this. Movies now are just too fucking long. The real highlight is The Man They Could Not Hang, a film that’s only an hour long but somehow it fits a full courtroom drama and a Saw film into its running time, I have no idea why this one is still as relatively unpopular as it is, it’s a gem of 1930′s horror.

Tim Burton corner. Edward Scissorhands (1990) and Ed Wood (1994) were two big ones I had to skip over. With Burton in general I’m of the opinion that by the time you turn 17 you’re too emotionally mature for his stuff and Beetlejuice, in spite of my overall enjoyment, didn’t do TOO much to asway my consensus. I will say, it probably had the single best instance of comedy and tragedy coming together that I’ve ever seen, with its reason for why suicide isn’t the answer being that the afterlife still sucks ass. The Nightmare Before Christmas I find interesting in the sense that it’s a post modern take on Halloween but it’s become probably the defining special for the holiday. It’s overrated for sure but it gets points from me for how nearly every song is impressive in its own way, coming from someone that doesn’t usually watch musicals, and also because Jack Skellington is gender.

Moving onto Hitchcock. The Birds is an overall satisfying nature runs amok deal but I feel like it’s sandwiched between Them! and Jaws (1975) in terms of how great animals being hostile to people and on the attack could be. Granted I think the chunk of Hitchcock’s career is sandwiched between M (1931) and High and Low (1963) but we’re sticking with horror here. Psycho however is something else entirely. I’m usually ambivalent towards horror films that people who aren’t fans of the genre can’t shut the fuck up about, but I was wrong, this is it. Another easy contender for top spot had it not been for the very end, the film comes to a crashing stop with way too much exposition for its own good. If you’re watching this, just turn it off after Norman Bates is initially apprehended to get the full effect.

Night of The Demon stands out for having one of the most impressive movie monsters I’ve ever seen but only using it at the very beginning and end as the backdrop to a supernatural mystery, as far as 1950′s horror goes this is another high ranking one.

Hammer time...I was relatively disappointed by X: The Unknown given how much I enjoy the Quatermass films, but none of the charm of those rubs off on this one. The Abominable Snowman is half a great film. First half is a slog, second half is chilling and unnerving. You just gotta invest that time to get to the good stuff. But what we’re really here for is Hammer’s remakes of Universal’s films, in color with plenty of blood. The Curse of Frankenstein, much like the Universal film, has pretty much fuck all to do with the novel but takes the basic concept to go in its own direction. The major point of this version is that Frankenstein is a somewhat predatory, homicidal, self-centered fiend that will stop at nothing to complete his experiments. It’s an interesting direction to take the character, so far removed from what Frankenstein has been and should be that it should work just on the attempt, but it feels like a warm up round for next year’s Horror of Dracula (we’ll get back to that). The Mummy is a monster I’ve never been a huge fan of and Hammer’s 1959 film didn’t do much for me as such. The Mummy is something I’d regard as a fundamentally colonialist concept, with most films about the monster involving white westerners defiling Egyptian graves, then the evil spooky Egyptian religious practicians must punish them, and the former is the protagonist in this situation. Blah. One thing I will give this film is that Christopher Lee is probably the best Mummy I’ve seen. It’s the one film where his height is used to full advantage, the design is a nice update on Universal’s, and since he can’t speak or show facial expressions, he has to emote entirely with his eyes and it comes off great.

Alright now let’s talk about Dracula, Drac’s back. The 1931 film is a mess, you can spot editing mistakes and script nonsense and technical limitations from a mile away, and how much I like it is entirely dependent on my mood that day. But there’s a weird charm to it that draws me, much like Lugosi as Dracula in the film. Lugosi is so fucking great, it’s insane. The rhythm with which words come out of his mouth make even the most basic lines like “come here” sound like the most important thing in the world. It is no wonder why popular culture at large has deemed that Lugosi and Dracula are practically synonymous, I wouldn’t have it any other way, even if the film itself has aged poorly. Dwight Frye and Edward Van Sloan as Renfield and Van Helsing round out the impressive performances. Horror of Dracula, Hammer’s go at the material, is another unusual take in that it can’t decide how much it wants to be an adaptation of the novel or not, but this one gets by just how threatening it is. From the offset, the music over the title sequence is so loud and it culminates in blood dripping on Dracula’s coffin, letting you know you’re in for some hardcore shit. This is probably the only film where I’ve genuinely been intimidated by Dracula, and Christopher Lee puts his own stamp on the role by switching from a calm and reserved man that’s well spoken to an absolutely rabid animal with bloodshot eyes, blood dripping from his mouth, and hissing rather than speaking. The way he just runs everywhere or how he opens eyes instantly IMMEDIATELY as soon as the sun goes down just does so much to emphasize how much he hungers and how everything else is of second concern. I got around to Dracula: Prince of Darkness, for shits and giggles, and this inspired me not to watch many more Hammer Dracula films, where I understand it’s just the same shit every time. Prince of Darkness has atmosphere in spades once again but everything else kind of falters, I guess, but it’s an awkward film so I couldn’t say for sure or dismiss it entirely. It takes place almost entirely inside the castle and it takes over half the film for Dracula to be revived, but it’s not necessarily...a bad thing? I don’t know. Dracula being killed by running water still sucks. Honorable mention should go to Blacula, which I had so much fun with, it’s a hilarious fucking movie, just watch it. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is probably the worst film featuring the character that I’ve seen yet. All the pieces are there for something great but none of them come together. It’s too focused on spectacle, the original material separated from the novel goes nowhere, none of the cast is any good, I could go on. When Gary Oldman says “listen to them, children of the night, what music they make”, it’s almost insulting to Lugosi how much of a downgrade it is. Admittedly no Dracula film has really worked for me all the way yet. Someone recently told me that the ideal version would have the mystery of Nosferatu (1922), the grandeur of the 1931 film, the menace of Hammer’s film, and the production values of Coppola’s film. Maybe someday...

Scream is only Wes Craven film I’ve seen that I can say is actually worth a damn, no strings attached. Leaving it at that. Was planning on watching The Hills Have Eyes (1977) so I could have a definitive bottom spot entry, which probably shows my opinion on Craven’s work in general.

Considering I didn’t do anything like watch Martyrs (2008), that left High Plains Drifter as the most fucked up, gruesome, and hard to watch film I had to get through for this countdown. This is the intersection of the western and the horror film, with the brutality of both genres in full fucking force. In terms of plot it’s not much different from, say, A Fistfull of Dollars (1964): a nameless drifter played by Clint Eastwood comes into a town full of bad people and sells his services to them but ends up taking advantage of them, with no one being able to stop him because he’s too good at killing other people. But while Leone’s film was quaint and charming, this film is Hell. Almost literally, with the town being painted red and renamed Hell before the drifter sets half of it on fire. Bad people doing bad things, fucking each other over, killing each other in the end, it’s a food chain that you want to be on top of lest the person above you comes for you in turn. This is the missing link between Once Upon a Time in The West’s (1968) ending with industrialism expanding westward, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) showing the after effects of that violence.

Braindead! This was so putrid and disgusting yet I couldn’t look away. I think I figured out how Peter Jackson went from this to Lord of The Rings: this film shows his ability to effortlessly do huge crowd shots that are also complex special effects scenes that are also fight scenes with a shit ton of choreography. It’s just that before Jackson was making some of the longest movies ever made, he was making some of the goriest, and the gore is probably Braindead’s biggest selling point. For as much as it’s funny as hell and every character is insane in their own way, it’s the blood and loose limbs that fly everywhere and coat every surface in the finale that sticks with everyone.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is probably the most important film on this list, it’s easily the most influential horror film ever made, with every subsequent genre entry having a little bit of its DNA. But how does it actually stack up for being a film that just turned 100 last year? Well, it’s very dreamlike, perfect background noise for any occasion, you just let it wash over you, the images flickering on the screen as you go into a trance yourself.

Nearing the end, and we’re at my favorite part: Universal’s Frankenstein series. This is the best horror series that made it above three entries, and it’s gonna be hard to write about because I just love it that much. Had I watched Bride of Frankenstein (1935) for this countdown, it would have been #1. No questions asked. As is, the rest all claimed high spots. Frankenstein I can’t write about at all. It’s an enigma to me, I can’t do it. Son of Frankenstein is an odd one for me because objectively speaking I would say it’s as good as Bride, but it’s so different, it doesn’t have any of the dark humor or gay subtext or identity crises of the first two films in the series, instead being a very intense character drama involving a three way struggle to stay on top that has very little scares, it takes itself the most seriously of probably any Universal monster film, almost to a fault. Ghost of Frankenstein is where you can see the diminishing returns begin. It’s the awkward one of the bunch, coming after the first three great films and before the fun crossovers. If it never existed I wouldn’t miss it, but even at it’s weakest this series still isn’t bad, I swear it’s almost like magic fairy dust got sprinkled on these so they wouldn’t languish like Son of Dracula. Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man is another film where you can see all types of editorial mishaps behind the scenes but god its so much fucking fun that I don’t give a damn. This is the real monster mash, everything after is just trying to recapture its glory. House of Frankenstein...is so fucking great. You’ve got Boris Karloff as a mad scientist that fucks over Dracula, The Wolf Man, and whoever else gets in his way so he can get petty revenge on people that put him in jail. This is the best of the crossover films for me and the most fun of the whole Universal monster cycle probably in general, it’s like an amusement park ride of everything that makes 1930′s and 1940′s horror so great and it’s going at 90 mph. House of Dracula is another case of diminishing returns, I saw someone on Letterboxd call this film the equivalent of putting a bunch of your monster cereals in the same bowl six months after Halloween. While this another one I and no one else would actually miss...I love it, it’s still doing just enough to maintain my interest even after everything in the film itself is just going through the motions. Then we have the great and glorious Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. There’s a key difference between this film and Mad Monster Party? and Young Frankenstein...this film is actually funny as fuck. There’s too many great jokes to count, some of which get me every fucking time. For as much as I’d say House of Frankenstein would have been the perfect finale to the series, I’m glad this one came along and elevated it to new heights in terms of popularity. (It’s a shame Lugosi and Chaney Jr. never got to headline A-tier films after this, it was all downhill from here.)

I have no idea what happened in Perfect Blue.

The Invisible Man is THE Universal monster film. For as much as I might prefer Bride of Frankenstein, this is the one that is 10 out of 10 every day of the week. It just gets everything right on every level and never stretches it too far with its runtime. The scene that encapsulates everything great about this film is when a radio broadcast confirms the Invisible Man’s existence, sending everyone into a panic, a montage of locking doors, a montage of militias combing the country side in vain hope of finding him, and he’s sleeping softly in a bed in he pajamas. Comedy and horror mix best when it’s hard to distinguish whether you’re supposed to laugh or be terrified. This was definitely the #1 pick until we had a late entry take top spot.

Near Dark is the sexiest film I’ve ever seen. I can’t explain it but vampires embody a really perverse sense of body horror for me. You look the same you did before but now you can’t go out into the sun, you have to feed on blood, you have to kill to survive. But Near Dark makes it all so alluring and attractive, I’m disgusted by it every step of the way but at the same time endlessly fascinated. And then came What We Do in The Shadows. Let me explain the difference between these two films, and why Near Dark is not #1. Both of these films take place from the vampires’ perspective, we learn how they live and we get to know them in spite of how they’re the night monsters we’re supposed to fear. Near Dark wusses out at the end and cures the protagonist and kills all the vampires, an extremely disappointing ending that’s throw-popcorn-at-the-screen worthy. What We Do in The Shadows commits to its premise. I was a bit nervous about this one because I learned about it through Tumblr and it seemed like it was prime time media-overrated-on-Tumblr material, but then as SOON as I saw Viago reach out of his coffin to turn off his alarm clock, struggle to levitate out, and then cautiously check that it’s night (shouldn’t he have a better system by now?), this was the #1 pick. This is the best vampire film I’ve ever seen, with Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000) and Near Dark rounding out the top three. This is genuinely one of the funniest fucking films I’ve ever seen. Over the course of two viewings, I don’t think there was a single joke that didn’t work. I get it now. I get the appeal of Taika Waititi. And it’s all thanks to this film.

#long post #racism tw #suicide tw

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

Ok, so I’ve tried and tried several times to get this posted, we’ll see if this is the time it goes through. Half the reason why this review series has slowed down is not just the multitude of real life stuff I have to deal with, but also Tumblr just refusing to work with me and deleting my posts. I also can’t save my work else where due to Tumblr messing up the formatting. It’s been a frustrating mess and so far no one @staff has come up with a tech solution or work around.

Summary: Rapunzel helps to rebuild Old Corona, (after its near destruction from the Black Rocks) which will become the permanent home of Red and Angry, who have returned to Corona to settle down. However, she begins to notice strange footprints around the area, as well as the livestock becoming more unruly and fearful. The group comes across a monster hunter named Creighton, who explains to the group that the area is being stalked by a werewolf, who possessed one of Corona's citizens. Aiming to save this person rather than kill them, Rapunzel sets out to find who it is.

When Was This Decided?

No seriously, when was this decided? It’s a pretty big leap go from ‘the rocks makes various towns inhabitable’ to ‘let’s rebuild!’ What’s changed here? Cause the rocks haven’t been removed and Rapunzel failed in her mission to nullify their power. In fact the rocks were not only reawaken in the second season finale but shown to be under the power of someone who’s intentions were made unclear to the heroes.

So I ask again; who thought this was safe thing to do now? What provisions have been made to accommodate the rocks? They blocked the well, remember, and destroyed the fields; how are the people getting food and water?

And most importantly why wasn’t the audience informed beforehand? When you change up the status quo in a story you need to provide just cause to the viewers. I legit thought I had accidently skipped an episode when I first watched because this plot point was not set up properly.

Why Were They Ever Left Alone to Begin With?

In a story where neglect is a central theme and motivating factor for all the main characters, it is super tone deaf to have those same characters perpetuating neglect themselves. The decision to live on their own should not be left up to Angry and Red because they are children. Children are not mature enough to provide for themselves neither emotionally nor physically and when placed in situations where they have to do so it psychologically damages them. Which the series already showcased with Varian so why is this suddenly deemed ok?

This Completely Undermines the Past Two Seasons

The entire conflict of the past two seasons was the rocks forcing people out of their homes. Eugene was made an orphan from them, Varian lost his entire support group because them, they drove out the Saporians from their encampment which prompted them to invade Corona, and Rapunzel and company spent an entire year on the road trying to find a way to stop them from spreading supposedly.

All of that has now been flushed down the drain with this decision. And its super insulting to watch because it’s the writers telling us that we’ve wasted our time caring about this plot for two years. You don’t resolve major conflicts off screen and without explanation; it’s lazy!

Also Where Is Varian and Quirin During All This?

This is not only their home and legal charge, but it’s also the ending to their ongoing story, and they’re not even here in a silent cameo.

Wouldn’t Quirin be overseeing the rebuilding of his town? Wouldn’t Varian be using his skills to find workable engineering solutions for them, fulling his season one goal of saving his home and making his village better with his inventions? Also wouldn’t Edmund want to catch up with his brother and help out now that he’s here?

In fact not a single person who actually lives in Old Corona is to be found in these opening shots.

Oh, But We Do Get Earl

Earl might be from Old Corona, or he might not be. We’ve literally never seen him before. The artists had to create a brand new character model for this character, the writers had to write new lines for him, and the casting director had to hire an actor and have him record these lines for only less than a minute of screen time, never to be seen again. Even though they legit had shepherd models already to go from season one that they could have used. It’s a waste of resources and a prime example of the mismanagement going on in this show.

It’s Too Late In the Series to Waste Time On a New One Off Villain

Speaking of a waste, Creighton might have more story reasons to appear in this episode than Earl does but her inclusion is still a poor decision. The show already has an overabundance of villains, so many in fact that they shipped the bulk of them off in season two, and this is the final season; the season where we should be wrapping up plots and minor characters stories not kicking off new ones.

Taken on her own Creighton isn’t a bad character presa, she works for the episode, but when we could have gotten a resolution to Caine’s, Hector’s, or the Disciples’ story arcs instead it highlights how misused the series assets are.

All This Lore Will Be Forgotten In Just a Few Episodes Time

We finally get like some magical rules and backstory only for future episodes to ignore it from here on afterwards. Red can turn into a werewolf whenever she pleases, night or day, with little explanation as for why.

Just Arrest Her Rapunzel

You’re the acting queen. You have the power and the right to arrest or even merely detain someone who is threating your citizens and refuses to leave. In fact it’s kind of your job. You don't even have to throw her in a dungeon if you thought that too cruel. Just lock her up in a nice room somewhere in the castle until you’ve sorted out the mess yourself.

The series wants to treat Rapunzel as the underdog when she isn’t, and her failure to wield her power effectively doesn’t make her look ‘nice’ it just makes her look stupid and grossly incompetent. This is a conflict that didn’t need to have happened and Rapunzel let it happen.

Oh, So Now Y'all Riot

You didn’t complain when the king orphaned children with his crack down on crime. You rolled over as he dolled out overly harsh punishments to poor people who committed minor offences. You gleefully went along with the royals as they scapegoated a child for their mistakes, even as they endangered your homes. And ya’ll sat on your asses while invaders pulled off a coup and enslaved you.

But this is what you get mad over? A rumor about a mythical creature existing that your princess has zero control over. Seriously?

Man, I hate the townspeople in this show.

Pointless Dream Sequence Is Pointless

This scene tells the audience nothing new and just wastes screen time.

This Is the Wrong Lesson to Focus On Rapunzel

We do not tell the 12 year old to unload their phycological issues onto their baby sister!

You’re telling me parents were involved in writing this show? What the hell!?

Rapunzel you are the adult here. At 20 now you should be more adept to handle listening to the deep seated emotional traumas of a little girl than a fucking 10 year old! And if you’re not, or don’t want to, then it’s your job to find another adult who will.

That’s the core problem with this entire episode. It treats Red’s and Angry’s problems as some eternal issue that they need to work out and not as the inherent failure of the adults around them that it is.

It is neither Red’s nor Angry’s decision on weather or not they get live on their own. Nor is it their responsibility to be each other’s therapist. Yes, a change in living arrangements is always stressful and for children with abandonment issues it can be hard to readjust, but that’s when you need to step it up and deal with the problem; not shove it off onto the kids themselves!

Monty Is Useless

Is this all Monty is good for? Being a red herring in ridiculously simple mysteries? Is this why we wasted a whole episode introducing him back in season one? Really?

Why Are We Still Treating Old Corona As Being Separate from Corona Itself?

Look, I get that it’s a joke, but it’s a joke that highlights how poorly thought out the worldbuilding is in the series. Is the Coronan government in charge of Old Corona or not? If so then you can just make those lease laws yourself as the acting regent Eugene. If not then Frederic shouldn’t have had any say in the matter of relocating Old Corona’s citizens nor putting a child outside of his jurisdiction under arrest.

But more importantly this is a just a repeat of that vague level of responsibility Rapunzel has for people who live off the island. She can’t order a whole village to be rebuilt while simultaneously claiming that she bares no accountability for Varian and Quirin’s problems in season one.

Replacing Guns with Crossbows Isn’t the Safe Option That the Censors Think It Is

I find it kind of amusing that censors will ban showing a 17th century blunderbuss but allow it to be replaced by a weapon that is still mass produced today and can be bought in any Walmart across the country. Like I’m a major advocate for gun regulation in real life, but even I have to find this to be a bit silly. Crossbows aren’t some fantasy weapon. People still own and use them. But it would be seriously hard to get ahold of a working antique firearm.

Seriously This Is How the Girls Have Been Living and the Adults Haven’t Done Anything About It Until Now?

I feel like I’m beating a dead horse by now, but it’s so engrained into the episode I have to keep bringing it up. The show itself is visually telling us that Red and Angry can’t keep living this way, but it never wants to call Rapunzel and the other adults out for not rescuing them from this life sooner.

So All This Tells Me Is That Rapunzel Could Have Easily Checked Up On Varian In Painter’s Block, But Didn’t.

Remember they’re right next to Old Corona; meaning that Janus Point is also right next to Old Corona. Meaning that Rapunzel could easily have checked up on Varian right after Painter’s Block and choose not to. With each passing episode Rapunzel has less and less excuse for her behavior in season one.

Yeah Remember that Plot Point That Wound Up Being Entirely Irrelevant to the Story?

In jokes don’t cover your ass when you make poor writing choices. Quite the opposite in fact as all you’ve done is remind the audience of all the various dangling plot threads that you will fail to follow up on. The disciples plot goes no where and serves no purpose, and it should not have been introduced as this big important thing if you weren’t going to do anything with it.

Nice Idea, Poor Execution

I’ve heard fans of this episode tell me that they enjoy it because of this scene with Red. If you’re a naturally introverted person or neurodivergent and have trouble communicating at times then Red’s speech here can strike a cord. Which is cool; I’ll never deny someone’s feelings and if a piece of media speaks to you on a personal level for whatever reason that is great. What I’m here to discuss though is story structure and whether or not the story’s themes are presented well in context of what it’s set up.

The conflict here does not work from a pure structural standpoint because it’s a surface level deflection of the real issues. Red’s problem isn’t that she is being ignored, it's that she’s been abandoned. Now communication issues can arise from that abandonment and feeling heard can be step forward in working those issues out, but Red’s central trauma isn’t going to be magically fixed by people ‘listening’ to her, i.e. being granted whatever she wants, but by providing her with a real home and with a real guardian to look after her.

Because what Red wants on a surface level is harmful to her, and the reasons why she wants what she wants needs to be addressed more so than then sedating her angry outbursts in the moment. This is treating the symptoms not the cause.

So What Is or Isn’t Real About the Curse?

Once again, we finally get some actual lore and rules for magic and the writers are already throwing it away during the same episode they are introduced. I now have as little context for how the wolf curse works within the Tangled world as I did before the episode started.

This Is Sweet, But Once Again Context Brings It Down.

So just to reiterate, this a surface level resolution to the conflict of the episode that doesn’t actually address anything. It might feel like an appropriate ending but only if you ignore the fact that Red and Angry are orphans who’ve been abandoned but the adults.

Angry apologizing here to Red does not solve any of their problems, especially since Angry, as a child herself, is not responsible for her sister’s behavior, feelings, nor well being. That falls to the adults and they fail to address Red’s core issues and their own failings to her in their apologies as well. Not to mention that the very next scene undermines any optional progress that could have been made here.

Listening to Someone Does Not Mean Giving Them Whatever They Want

This does not fix anything. Red and Angry are still left to live on their own without any real supervision. Giving them a big play house is not providing for them, it’s spoiling them. Would you let all the other orphans in the local orphanage roam free without an adult to take care of them? No!? Gee I wonder why? Could it be because letting a 12 and 10 year old raise themselves is a very stupid idea? One that will potentially damage them later in life assuming that they don't get themselves killed in the meantime.

Moreover this is yet another example of the series overall problem with not understanding that compromise and resolving conflicts does not mean rewarding the characters at the end with everything that they want without having them work for it. That’s not how life works and it’s not how good story telling works.

This Is Beyond Irresponsible

No! Bad Show! Bad!

You do not get to pretend that negligence is the same thing as compromise. Yes I know Eugene said to come to him when they have a problem, but as demonstrated by this very episode children do not always know when to ask for help nor can they always find it when needed, that is why parents exist!

Nor does the show get a free pass for turning it’s main characters into child abusers who neglected three minors multiple times now. Even when they themselves are victims of that same abuse!

How utterly blinkered do you have to be to not see the problem here?

It’s the Return of the Pointless Parallels

Let me count the ways for how stupid this is.

Red and Angry’s conflict has no impact on the on going narrative. Even with them now being reoccurring characters they still manage to contribute nothing to the future storylines involving Cass.

Neither Rapunzel nor Cassandra learn anything from Red and Angry’s spat; Rapunzel because she refuses to acknowledge her own flaws and Cassandra’s not even here for any of it.

The sister’s dynamic between Raps and Cass is not well established and the writers mange to piss all over it by series end because of gay baiting and poor writing. Therefore relying on lazy parallels to other siblings in the show to bolster this connection falls flat.

Red and Angry’s argument has nothing in common with Rapunzel and Cass’s current fighting. One is about abandonment issues and the other is about shallow validation. Trying to tie these two themes together actually winds up undermining both conflicts.

Red and Angry are children. Rapunzel and Cassandra are not. That very much matters.

Red and Angry didn’t drag innocent people into their petty bitch fight and endanger them because they wanted to feel special.

This Makes Zero Sense

I don’t know; she looked pretty happy during Crossing the Line.

She was also able to control the rocks just fine then, so what happened?

Not to mention soon after this Zhan Tiri is telling her she needs some sort of incantation to control the rocks, despite being able to already control the rocks....

It’s almost as if the writers are full of shit and don’t actually know what they’re doing.

So Are We Remembering the Burnt Hand or Not?

Does the hand matter or not? Is it ever a motivating factor in what Cassandra decides to do? Is her waning control over the rocks connected to her burnt hand; even though having a burnt hand is what allowed her grab the moonstone in the first place? Did the moonstone heal the hand? Does Raps singing the healing incantation later on heal it? Does Cass have a forever burnt hand?

Who the fuck knows!

Not the writers that’s for sure, cause it never comes up again.

Don’t introduce plot points and then not resolve them. That’s writing 101 guys.

Wait if she needs the incantation to control the rocks and the angry thing is a lie, then how the heck is she controlling them just now? Make up your dang mind show!

I swear I lose brain cells whenever I have to rewatch the evil Cassandra plot. It is so dumb you guys.... so, so dumb.

Conclusion

It’s not the worst thing ever but series has far better episodes on offer than this one. Even in a season as suck ass as season three.

So there’s praying that this review posts this time and if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me in my projects feel free to leave a tip on my Ko-Fi. Thank you.

https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #anti-tangled #anti-rapunzel #anti-Cassandra

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skipppppy · 4 years

Note

I’m so fascinated by your she ra fan character! I’m trying to understand the storyline but it’s a little hard to find everything, and I was wondering if you would mind explaining it here?

Thank you very much! Her story is SUPER convuluted, I elaborated on it a bit on another ask about her relationship with Entrapta, but I’ll try to sum it up as cleanly as possible but a lot of different factors come into play so it still might be LOOONNGG. It’s also not a very happy story, unfortunately, but it would be helpful for me to get it all written down!

In terms of things that might be triggering, her backstory involves mention of a wide range of abuse. It won’t be explicit but I just want to be safe!

I’m actually gonna put most of it under the cut for the sake of anyone who follows me or any tags so they aren’t cursed with a mile long post on their timeline. I know the pain 😅

So here it is! I present A COMPREHENSIVE TIMELINE OF ALL THE BULLSHIT ARIA HAD TO PUT UP WITH!!!!

-For background context, she’s a Wingfolk, a species of Bird People native to Etheria who live in a kingdom built into a forest of giant trees named Ornithia. I could go on about them for hours but all you really need to know is that they have hollow bones to achieve flight (which is also the case for real life birds), which makes Aria’s body very light and frail. So she’s basically useless in physical combat which is why she never really defends herself. She was also a particularly weak flyer, which is why she doesn’t avoid a lot of situations by simply flying away.

-EXTRA BACKGROUND CONTEXT, Aria was born around the time the Horde landed on Etheria. Her father was a sorcerer at Mystacor, who had a reputation for ignoring ethics in the name of science. This all came to a head when a meteorite struck the surface of the planet; he rushed to the sight, stole it, studied it for a while, and after learning it had a powerful magic, decided to try a ritual in which he extracted the magic from the meteorite and fused it with his daughter’s soul. It took a few years for people to find out but when they did he was exiled for his actions, and Aria, still a child, was given to her mother.

-ONE MORE SMALL DETAIL: from about the age of 18/19 onward, she started having dreams about a mysterious figure made of blinding light who knew secrets about the universe and promised to find her one day so they could “finally be together again.” 3 guesses who THAT is lmao (hint: it’s Horde Prime)

-I won’t go into details about her childhood because we’d be here forever but the most important things you need to know are 1) Aria’s mother was a HORRIBLE parent and preferred to get blackout drunk rather than look after her children. 2) Aria had 4 younger brothers who, due to her mother’s negligence, she had to raise entirely by herself, which is why she feels responsible over others and has such a “nurturing” disposition, it was forced on her. 3) She took her brothers and ran away from Ornithia when she was 15, and built a home in a small woodland in the mountains of Dryl where she has lived ever since. 4) Throughout her childhood she befriended Princess Entrapta and the two were extremely close due to their isolated upbringings.

-When the BFS visited Dryl for the first time in Season 1, Aria was there acting as both a lab assistant and royal advisor to Entrapta, and joined the rebellion alongside her. Nothing crazy happened, but when Entrapta “died” Aria was beside herself with grief and ended up leaving the rebellion in order to go tend to Dryl, since it needed a ruler and as advisor it was her job to step up and take responsibility. Unlike the others, however, she refused to return to aid in the battle of Brightmoon, since she was kinda miffed at how the Princesses treated Entrapta (lookin’ at you, leash lady Perfuma) and was thoroughly pissed that they didn’t even TRY to go back for her, even if it was just to find her body and give her a dignified burial.

-Season 2 was when things truly went to shit. When the Horde came to claim Dryl, Aria resisted but was defeated pretty easily. When Glimmer and Bow came to scout out the situation, they saw her being hauled away and tried to save her but basically got caught in a stalemate where they couldn’t act because the Horde threatened to harm Entrapta if they acted. They told Aria to go with the Horde and promised that they would form a rescue party to save the both of them. But after they learned that Entrapta had joined the Horde by choice and had more important missions to deal with, rescuing her just..stopped being a priority. She wasn’t a rebel so they had no obligation to get her, so eventually they forgot about her entirely.

-Aria was kept as a prisoner for a while, but Entrapta found out pretty quickly what happened and went to find her. At that point Catra was growing frustrated with all the menial paperwork she had to do, and since she’d had experience being an advisor/secretary type, Entrapta basically proposed to Hordak that Aria act as his assistant in the same way she used to at Dryl. He accepted since it meant he would be spending less time running the Horde and more time building the portal. Aria was against the idea of helping him since she was still holding out hope that the rebels would come save her, but she was simply threatened with the classic Evil Horde punishments (torture, more torture, being locked in a cell for weeks without food or water, a tad more torture). So from mid-Season 2 to the end of Season 4, that was pretty much the position she was in. Being the Fright Zone’s resident desk jockey.

-Not much happened in that timespan, most of what occurred revolved around the portal incident and the aftermath. While Aria had been playing the part of Hordak’s pretty little secretary she was trying to find weak points in the Fright Zone’s security system so she could bust her and Entrapta out of there. Due to her and Hordak building the portal (and smooching lol) she’d been spending less and less time with Aria, which had been making her a little upset. She felt like someone she’d spent her entire life caring for was replacing her for something better, but her suspicions weren’t confirmed until she asked Entrapta about leaving together and she refused. That was the first small nudge towards a downward spiral. Then Catra returned with Adora and the Sword in hand and the Princesses came to stop the Portal. The rebels had come to save Adora and forgot about her. She was willing to forgive and join them, until they saw that she had been assisting the Horde, assumed she had betrayed them alongside Entrapta, and decided to leave her behind without giving her a chance to explain herself. That was the second, slightly stronger nudge that made her teeter over the edge of a breakdown. And then Catra told her that Entrapta had abandoned her to rejoin the rebels. While it was a lie, it was perfectly placed salt in the wound, and the straw that broke the camels back into her shifting allegiance and properly joining the Horde.

-Throughout Season 4 she had the same role as before, except this time she actually cared about her work, and had taken on the additional role of helping Hordak with his busted tech since Entrapta wasn’t around to do it. He had already come to rely on Aria for paperwork, but now she was helping him with his machines and they had a shared trauma over being “abandoned” by someone they cared deeply for. She was literally filling the void Entrapta left, and in a way they started to care for each other. Aria, being a hopeless romantic who had read about a trillion love stories about gentle protagonists who healed the evil monster men with their kindness, took to him like a moth to a flame and happily played the role of “the next best thing” against her better judgement. It wasn’t really a healthy relationship, but they did genuinely care for each other and found comfort in one another’s presence.

-It didn’t last, however. Catra was vaguely aware of the “thing” they had, and while she was indifferent for the most part, she was dealing with a downward spiral of her own, and she slowly became paranoid that Aria would distract him from completing their plans. In her poor, burnt out kitty cat frame of mind, the only way to deal with the situation was to get rid of her. So, deciding to kill 2 birds with one stone, she told Hordak that Aria had been jealous of his relationship with Entrapta, and SHE had been the one to send her to beast island. And Hordak believed her.

-I won’t go into detail about what happened after that, because it was VERY GRUESOME! We all saw how Hordak reacted when he found out what Catra had done in the original show. Now remember when I mentioned that Aria has hollow bones that made her incredibly frail and physically incapable of defending herself? Yeah. It was not pretty. Hordak wasn’t completely at fault, since he thought his anger was warranted, but by the time he’d learnt the truth and realised his mistake she was dead. In the space between the incident and learning what really happened he’d thrown her in the abandoned black garnet chamber with no food or water and basically left her to rot. He was EXTRA mad at Catra for pulling that with him, but he didn’t have time to grieve since he, Glimmer, Catra, and Aria’s lifeless corpse were beamed up into Horde Prime’s flagship.

-When Prime initially found her she was still dead. However, remember the healing magic that came from the mysterious meteorite that had now fused with her soul? Spoiler alert! It belonged to him. The meteorite was one of his most prized possessions, and the dreams Aria had been having were the magic’s attempts at trying to establish a connection with him across dimensions. (the meteorite was somewhat sentient. This is perfectly normal and well thought out writing I swear) And being reunited caused a huge surge of magical energy that resuscitated her, allowing Prime’s clones to give her some much needed medical help.

-After being pretty much comatose for 2 weeks Aria finally woke up, and was finally able to speak with Prime in person. When she found out that the “mysterious figure” from her dreams who had promised to find her was REAL and had just saved her life, she basically just latched onto him. She was, understandably, TRAUMATISED from the last 2 or so years of her life, so she was too scared to go anywhere else or trust anyone, so Prime didn’t even have to try to win her allegiance. He was also very happy to have his meteorite back, even if it now had a mortal body with skin and a face and a slew of emotional baggage. So she spends most of Season 5 being showered in love and affection by Prime and all her attendants, eventually being crowned Empress. While Prime was unequivocally evil and Aria was aware of that, he mostly sheltered her from what he was doing, in fear that her loyalty to him might falter. Maybe in a fun au she could’ve convinced him to leave Etheria alone so they could be together for longer, but alas, it was not to be.

-In the aftermath of the Heart being destroyed and Prime being killed, her downward spiral returned and shifted into OVERDRIVE. The people who had abandoned and neglected her took her one safe person away from her and they were being hailed as heroes for it. While she now knew that Entrapta had never abandoned her and was instead sent to beast island, seeing her get a happy ending with the man who had, to be quite blunt, physically abused and assaulted her, shattered any part of their friendship that might have been recoverable. She retreated into herself, taking over Horde Prime’s role as ruler over the Clones. She turned the Velvet Glove into their new home, trying to be civil with the other Princesses but eventually descended into a cold, bitter, vindictive Empress who ended up making terrible decisions as a cry for help.

-I’m still undecided on what to do with her after her fun villain arc, but I do know that in the aftermath she’d probably either step down from the throne so she could properly heal from her trauma, or work with her clones to fix up Prime’s flagship and get as far away from Etheria as possible and find peace in a new life away from everything that hurt her. I may also bring back Horde Prime from the dead through my sheer will to ignore canon so they can be together, since they are for all intents and purposes, soulmates. And I don’t think it would be very fair to let my poor hopeless romantic who just wants to be loved lose her handsome prince forever. I think it would be sexy if I committed necromancy I think.

ANYWAY...THAT WAS A HEFTY READ..SORRY IT WAS SO LONG, BUT THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! I CAN COME BACK TO THIS FOR REFERENCE NOW

TLDR: babygirl has had it ROUGH

#spop oc #she ra oc #aria

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chicgeekgirl89 · 4 years

Text

A Tale of a Fateful Trip: Chap. 2

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: G Callen, Sam Hanna, Kensi Blye, Marty Deeks, Nell Jones, Eric Beale, Otis

Read Chapter 1 Here

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Callen returned much sooner than he should have, a grim look on his face. “Radio’s out,” he said. “And I’m pretty sure even if the engine is working, we’re not going anywhere. The board does…not look good.”

Kensi paused her bagging and swiped a hand across her forehead. “And we’re too far out for cell service.”

“Does Sam have a spare radio?” Nell asked.

“He does,” Callen said. “But Kam is camping with friends this weekend and he sent it with her.”

“Well that’s perfect timing,” Nell said.

“Did you find anything interesting up here?” Callen asked.

“Just your standard bullets and whatever shell casings we dropped,” Kensi said. “Nothing special or unusual that would help us identify whoever was on that boat.”

“Okay then,” Callen said. “And Eric? How are things over the side?”

Eric was still hanging over the railing and gave him a thumbs up without lifting his head.

Callen nodded. “Excellent.”

Meanwhile downstairs Sam was pulling up the panels that hid the engine. The area was already full of water. Sam swore. “Get a bucket. We’ve got to get some of this out of here.”

It took them ten minutes to bail enough water out to find the hole. “I’m guessing we need to patch that?” Deeks asked.

“I’ve got some supplies in the wheelhouse,” Sam said.

“I’ll get it,” Deeks said, moving back up the stairs. He and Sam worked for nearly thirty minutes to get the boat water tight again. “It’s a temporary fix,” Sam said finally. They were both soaking wet and dirty with engine grease. “At least we won’t sink.”

“What about the engine itself?” Deeks asked.

“Too wet to say,” Sam said. “Might dry out enough on its own, might need to be replaced.”

“But either way, we’re not going anywhere for a while,” Deeks said.

“Nope,” Sam sighed. “We’re dead in the water.”

“What’s our status?” Callen asked when they’d returned topside.

“Water in the engine,” Sam said. “The radio?”

Callen shook his head.

The weight of the situation started to fall over all of them. Eric lifted his head, eyes wide. “Are we—-“

“No,�� Callen cut him off. “No, don’t say anything. Let’s just…take a moment, and we’ll figure this out.”

It was certainly something of a shock to all of them to find themselves at the mercy of the ocean. Not that they hadn’t been in tight spots before, but this one seemed particularly tight and unexpected.

“Oh my god, we really are an episode of Gilligan’s Island,” Eric finally said in horror.

“No we’re not,” Sam snapped. “We’re on a boat, not an island, and I have enough supplies to last us a month at least.”

“Yeah spare blankets and water bottles aren’t going to be much help if our new friends show back up,” Deeks said, sinking down onto the deck since they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“And I’m not really interested in subsisting on a diet of hardtack and MRE’s for the rest of my life, Skipper,” Callen said.

“Don’t call me Skipper,” Sam snapped.

“If Sam is the Skipper and Callen is Gilligan, who am I?” Deeks asked.

“You and Kensi are the Millionaire and his wife,” Eric said.

“What’s your reasoning on that?” Callen asked, pretending to feign disinterest.

“Well they’re married.”

“Unless Beyoncé or Brad Pitt take a sudden interest in buying out the bar I think ‘millionaire’ might be a stretch,” Deeks said.

“And I’m not sure I’m good with being reduced to ‘and his wife,’” Kensi said.

“Wait,” Nell said, “if they’re the Millionaire and his wife who does that make you?”

“The professor,” Eric said with a grin. “Naturally.”

“I assume I’m Ginger then?” Nell asked.

Eric squinted at her. “No Ginger would be Hetty if she were here.”

“So I’m Mary Ann?!” Nell cried indignantly. “I don’t want to be Mary Ann! Eric I have red hair.”

“You can be Gilligan if you want,” Callen offered.

“We are not Gilligan’s Island!” Sam practically yelled.

“Okay, this isn’t productive, we can’t just sit here,” Kensi said, getting to her feet.

“Some of us are lying here,” Deeks said, from where he was stretched out on the deck, an arm thrown over his face.

“Nell’s right,” Callen said. “We need to figure something out.”

“I can work on the radio,” Eric said right before he blanched and had to lean over the side again.

“Yeah I think maybe I’ll handle that,” Nell said, her nose wrinkled.

“I’ll come with you,” Callen offered.

“I’ll go take another look at the engine,” Sam said.

“And Deeks and I will gather up any other weapons and ammo we can find,” Kensi said.

“And I’ll—“ Eric gagged and then caught himself. “I’ll stay here.”

“Good plan buddy,” Deeks said, patting him on the shoulder.

Nell stopped short when she walked into the wheelhouse. “Wow. Lucky shot indeed,” she said as she took in the damage.

It had apparently been more than one shot, the entire board was full of holes. She took a deep breath. “I think I’m going to need a drink.”

“C’mon,” Callen said, reaching out and touching a couple of switches, one of which fell off and dropped heavily onto the floor. “You’ve seen worse than this right?”

“Have I?” Nell asked, raising her eyebrows. “This thing looks like a piece of Swiss cheese.”

“Come on Mary Ann,” Callen nudged her shoulder. “The Professor’s been hit on the head by a coconut and the Millionaire and his wife are searching for their missing diamond so you’re our only hope.”

“Haha,” Nell said as she began to pull out wires. “You don’t have to stay up here with me.”

“Are you insinuating that I don’t have the skillset to help you with this task?” Callen asked with mock hurt.

Nell sent him a bemused look. “Would you rather I say it outright Gilligan?”

“Fair point. But I can hold things.”

“Fabulous.” She yanked hard and the entire top of the console came off. “Hold this.”

“Ah,” Deeks took a deep breath. “Nothing like an afternoon of weapons requisition on the high seas. Maybe after this we can swab the poop deck or walk the plank.”

“Don’t let Sam hear you say that,” Kensi told him as she pulled a Beretta from behind a wall panel. “He’ll probably take you up on it.”

“Touché.” Deeks looked at the weapon she’d given him and checked the chamber. “God this boat is better armed than the entire Navy. Where does he keep the grenade launcher?”

“I don’t think grenade launchers are standard issue for boats,” Kensi said as she clicked the panel back into place.

“Yeah well neither are Glocks, Sigs, and shot guns,” Deeks said. “I’m surprised the boat hasn’t sunk from the weight of the ammo on board.”

“And aren’t we glad he not only follows Navy mottos but the Boy Scout ones too?” Kensi said as she straightened.

“This takes ‘always be prepared’ to a whole new level,” Deeks said as he strapped a Glock to his thigh.

Kensi checked her watch. “Well I guess we’re not getting back in time for dinner with your mom tonight.”

“Gee what a shame,” Deeks said. “Missing dinner with my mother and her new boy toy might actually be the silver lining to this tragedy.” He scratched at his neck. “Although she is definitely going to freak out if we don’t show with no warning. She’ll probably call the Pentagon.”

“Well then at least someone will be looking for us,” Kensi said. “Can you imagine if your mom ends up being the one to save our asses out here?”

“Oh god,” Deeks groaned. “We’ll never hear the end of it. She’ll want a medal of honor.”

“Well at least then we’d be rescued instead of having to live out our days on a deserted island,” Kensi said.

“I don’t know,” Deeks said. “Might not be so bad.”

Kensi raised her eyebrows at him. “You realize there are no cronuts on a deserted island.”

“Yes,” Deeks said. “But there are also no bad guys with guns. Or bills.”

“No indoor plumbing, no beer…”

“We can make coconut beer,” Deeks said then did a double take. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea.”

Kensi grimaced. “Yeah, no. It’s a pretty terrible idea.”

“Damn it!” Sam swore as the wrench he was using went splashing into the water.

“Everything okay down here?” Eric’s voice drifted down the staircase.

“My boat is full of holes everything is damn well not okay,” Sam huffed.

Eric finished his descent and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “You need any help?”

“I thought you were losing your lunch over the side,” Sam said.

“I think the bracelet is finally kicking in,” Eric said, holding up his wrist. “I’m ship shape now!”

Sam studied him for a moment and then pointed the rescued wrench at him. “If you puke down here…”

Eric held up a hand. “I will not. I promise.” He took a step closer. “Mind if I take a look?”

Sam sat back. “Be my guest.”

Eric poked around for a few minutes. “Nothing looks cracked or broken.” He fiddled with some more connectors. “I’m guessing you got water in the fuel.”

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” Sam said, face showing defeat. “Nothing we can do about that out here.”

He tossed the wrench against the wall where it made a dull clanging sound before it dropped back into the water. “Hey, this isn’t your fault,” Eric said.

“I know it’s not my fault. Doesn’t stop me from being mad about it.” Sam was seething. “If I find out who did this I’m going to put them in the ground.”

“You could send them to Davey Jones’ Locker,” Eric said with a grin, which he quickly wiped off his face at the sight of Sam’s now perpetual glare. “Or not. The ground is fine.”

Sam stood. “Come on. Nothing else we can do down here. Might as well go be useful somewhere else.”

“Aye aye Skipper!” Eric said with a mock salute.

“Call me Skipper one more time and you’ll be floating home in a life preserver.”

Kensi and Deeks headed up to the wheelhouse to arm Callen and Nell then met Sam and Eric on deck to do the same. “Any luck with the engine?” Kensi asked.

“Tank is full of water,” Sam said. “Can’t pump it out here.”

“So we’re sitting ducks,” Deeks said.

“Pretty much,” Eric said. “How’s Nell doing with the radio?”

“It’s a mess,” Kensi told him. “There’s wires and tape and I don’t even know what else.”

“I’ll go see if she needs any help,” Eric said.

“You doing okay?” Kensi asked Sam.

He shook his head. “I’m just sorry we’re in this mess.”

Deeks put a hand on his shoulder. “They got the jump on all of us. There’s literally nothing we could have done.”

“Hey,” Callen appeared. “Eric said the engine’s no good?”

Sam shook his head. “Looks like Nell’s our only hope.”

“So…no different from any other case?” Deeks asked with a grin.

“Pretty much,” Callen said.

“So I guess we just…wait?” Kensi asked.

It turned out they were incredibly bad at waiting and doing nothing. And it didn’t help matters when half an hour later Nell and Eric returned, Nell in a particularly bad mood. “It’s totally fried,” she griped, dropping down next to Callen on the deck. “Nothing we can do.”

None of them liked being beaten. It might have helped if they could have just sat back, had a couple beers, done a little more fishing, and hung out while they waited for a rescue from some passerby. But with the threat of possibly sinking or their new enemies returning to finish them off, nobody felt safe enough to get even slightly inebriated.

That didn’t seem to matter after a while as Eric and Deeks began to brainstorm increasingly complicated scenarios to get themselves out of this mess. “Titanic!” Deeks said with a snap of his fingers.

“Yes!” Eric said excitedly. “We just take the door off the wheelhouse—“

“No one is taking my boat apart anymore than it already is,” Sam growled.

“One of us could swim for it,” Callen said mildly, stirring the pot in the subtle way he enjoyed so much.

Eric eyed Sam critically. “How long can you hold your breath?”

“What about Otis?” Deeks asked.

“What about Otis?” Sam was looking beyond irritable at this point.

“Lassie got little Timmy out of the well every week…” Deeks said with raised eyebrows.

“He’s not a trained monkey!” Sam said. “Besides, he doesn’t come this far out.”

There was a moment of stymied silence. “What if we manage to make landfall and spell out SOS in the sand?” Eric asked.

“If we make landfall I want my hut by the good coconut tree,” Callen said.

“First of all we’re anchored, second of all if we did make landfall it would be on an island controlled by the Navy, so we’d already be rescued,” Nell said.

“Smoke signal?” Deeks asked.

“Build a raft out of life vests?” Eric countered.

“Train two dolphins and water ski!”

“Oh my god I can’t live on an island for three years with the two of you!” Kensi said.

“You don’t want to reenact Castaway with me babe?” Deeks asked.

Callen raised his eyebrows. “In that situation, which one of you is Tom Hanks and which one is Wilson?”

“Oh my god, this is starting to feel a lot less like Castaway and a lot more like Lord of the Flies,” Nell huffed.

“I think it’s about to get a lot more Captain Phillips,” Eric said in alarm, pointing toward the water.

Sure enough the boat from before was speeding back toward them. “Everybody arm up!” Sam yelled.

They all ducked below the railing, weapons at the ready. “They’ve got us seriously out gunned,” Callen said as he cocked his rifle.

“Then we’ve got to make them think we’ve got more firepower than we do,” Sam said.

“Any chance you’ve got a harpoon on this thing Captain Ahab?” Deeks called.

Within minutes gunfire began to pepper the side of the boat again, all of the agents returning fire as best they could with their limited supplies.

“I’m out!” Deeks yelled far too soon.

“Me too!” Callen yelled.

Kensi popped up over the side and spent her last few rounds. “That’s it for me!”

A terrible realization began to settle over the group as their ammo was spent. “Okay,” Callen said, voice slightly thick with emotion. “They’re going to take the boat. Do what they say. And if you can see a way to get out…take it. Don’t worry about the rest of us.”

Kensi and Deeks locked eyes, their hands automatically finding one another. Nell and Eric did the same, both a little pale. Sam looked at Callen. “I’m not holding your hand.”

“Wouldn’t expect it big guy.”

The gunfire intensified, causing all of them to huddle closer to the deck as wood splintered and flew in their faces.

And then, when all hope seemed lost, a siren shattered through the gunfire and suddenly they weren’t being sprayed with bullets anymore. The team exchanged quizzical looks and then Callen popped his head over the side, ducking back down almost immediately. “Oh thank god.”

“What? What is it?” Kensi asked anxiously.

Callen took a breath and let his head fall back in relief. “It’s the Coast Guard.”

“Seriously?!” Everyone scrambled upward to take a look.

“Oh my god,” Nell said, thumping down onto the deck in relief. “Oh my god.”

“I will never make another negative Coast Guard joke as long as I live,” Deeks said fervently.

The gunfire finally ceased all together and the Coast Guard ship drew close to them. “This is the US Coast Guard. Prepare to be boarded.”

Weapons were dropped immediately as they all found their badges and ID’s. Within minutes they were being hooked up for a tow as a second Coast Guard vessel appeared to help deal with their drug runner pals. “How on earth did you find us?” Callen asked one of the guardsman.

“Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. This sea lion came up to the boat and wouldn’t leave us alone,” he said. “We ended up following him and he led us right to that drug boat.”

Shock and surprise crossed all their faces. “Somebody owes Otis is a very large mackerel,” Callen said.

By the time they reached the dock everyone was exhausted and more than a little cranky. “Ow!” Deeks said with every move.

“I told you to put on sunscreen,” Kensi admonished.

“I was a little busy trying not to die,” he shot back.

Nell was still bemoaning her inability to get the radio working. “If we’d just connected the—“

“Let it go,” Eric advised, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“You can’t stay on the boat tonight,” Callen argued with Sam. “It’s full of holes and doesn’t have a working engine.”

“I’ve stayed in worse places,” Sam argued back.

“Sam, why don’t you come to our place,” Kensi offered.

“Yeah at least we have furniture for you to sleep on,” Deeks said, looking pointedly at Callen.

“I have a bed!” Callen protested.

“Yes, one bed. Are you two going to cuddle all night long?” Kensi asked.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Sam declined. “My boat and I will be just fine.”

As it turned out it was not fine. The dockmaster wouldn’t allow the boat to stay in the condition it was in. “Well then Skipper, looks like you’re coming home with us,” Deeks said.

“You can rub some aloe on Deeks’ back,” Callen said with a smirk.

Sam wrinkled his nose. “Nobody had better be rubbing anything near me.”

#NCIS LA #A Tale of a Fateful Trip #Gilligan's Island #G Callen #Sam Hanna #Kensi Blye #Marty Deeks #Nell Jones #Eric Beale

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soldrawss · 4 years

Note

Your big brother Mikey AU is so cool and well thought out! I was wondering, do the Foot still exist in this AU and if so, are the Hamato brothers in any danger? Does Mikey work as a pizza delivery boy?

The Foot exist yes! But they’re more of like, a street gang than anything else. (Kinda like how the Purple Dragons were in previous iterations) For the most part, the Hamatos don’t really have anything to do with them. Raph and Donnie and Leo know they’re not allowed out after 6 without an adult with them and Mikey’s taught Leo and Donnie enough self-defense (from what he can remember of their father’s training) to help them if they’re ever in need. “If you’re ever cornered, give them whatever they want and don’t make a move unless you absolutely have to. I mean it, guys. I’m not showing you this so you guys can play heroes, this is only, and I mean only, to be used as a last resort. But I want you to comply with any demands they give and get out of there. I don’t care if they take your phones and wallets and backpacks. We can always replace bus passes and school work. I can’t replace you guys.”

The only time the Foot were ever an issue was when Mikey gets mugged when he’s 17 on his way home from one of the shitty jobs he worked the nightshift at on one of the piers. The subway station was empty, probably because it was the dead of night and Mikey got off earlier than he usually does, so the station was bare of the usual tiny rush of new yorkers coming in for the graveyard shifts. Thankfully Mikey’s reflexes were faster than his brain was, and he was able to avoid too much of a conflict before the three-membered group got the upper hand. His phone go broken in the struggle, but they thankfully didn’t get to his wallet or key ring. They did land a couple of solid hits to his jawline and gut though, knocking the air clean out of Mikey, and ripped his best work shirt in the process of throwing him to the ground (he only had two), so really the struggle ended with a heated tie. The small gang turning hightail when a security officer making the rounds chased them off and helped Mikey to his feet from one of the concrete pillars he was slumped against.

Mikey ended up arriving home late anyway despite the head start because he had to fill out an accident report with the security officer, and that had just about drained the last ounce of energy Mikey had left to his name as he practically crawled through the front door of their little apartment. He kicked it closed with his feet, forgetting that it was 1am and that he shouldn’t be making as much noise as he was making because it was a school night, and Leo had been having a wack sleep schedule lately, and if he woke up now, he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep till the next night and that would have totally been on Mikey. But Mikey was too tired to think that far ahead as far as the consquences of his actions go, and promptly dumped all his stuff on the foyer floor and passed out on the living room couch, not even bothering to change his clothes or take off his shoes, let alone fold the couch out into a bed.

He woke up some four hours later, to Donnie patting his arm gently but firmly, and with sharp brown eyes and a creased brow just barely peeking under a mess of brown-haired cowlicks and bed head.

“-ikey. Mikey, wake up. Your face is purple.” And the sheer tension and fear in his voice were enough to pull Mikey out of the desperate hold sleep had him in as he got up slowly, rubbing his face and ow, yeah, his whole left side was swollen and sore and felt gross.

“Ahhh, yeah. Some guys tried to jump me at Water and Fletcher station. I’m totes magoats fine kiddo. They didn’t get my wallet or anything. Phone broke though, so I’ll have to swing by a CVS and pick up a burner until I can get a new one.” Mikey explains all in one murmured half yawn. He didn’t like the way Donnie’s face did a complicated little series of frowns and pouts, which could have meant one of a million things, but Mikey just woke up, so he didn’t really have all the brainpower yet to try and decode it other than, oh no I made him mad.

“Go put on some pjs and wash your face,” Donnie replies, and he waffles from where he’s crouched beside the couch like he wants to say something more, but settles on sighing and standing straight. He makes his way to the kitchen quietly, carefully picking up the mess Mikey left in front of the door a few hours ago and unceremoniously dumps them on the kitchen island on his way to rummage through the freezer. Mikey watches as he pulls out a bag of frozen peas before getting one of the dishtowels hanging from the oven handle and wetting it down in the sink. “I’ll get you some ibuprofen, but you need to sleep in your bed or you’re gonna be sore all over. I swear, that couch was the worst decision we ever made, I can’t believe you made us carry it up 6 flights of stairs.”

“Shhhh, don’t listen to him baby, how was I supposed to know the elevator would decide to break down that day?” Mikey whispers not at all quietly to the couch just to get a begrudging half-smile out of Donnie. It works for a fraction of a second, but Donnie’s pouting frown and worried eyes return when he looks at Mikey’s nasty little kick in the face bruise, and Mikey can’t help but feel the weighted rock of guilt settle further in his gut. He just couldn’t do anything right lately, huh? “Anyway, thanks Dee, but I’ll just take a shower and get changed for my shift at Tony’s. Work starts in a few hours anyway and I can run to CVS really quick before then.”

But when he gets up and makes his way over towards the bathroom, Donnie blocks his path and presses a damp dishtowel wrapped around the frozen veggies and some pills into his hands. “No need, you’re staying home. I already called into your work for you. One of the GM’s, Woody, I think his name is? Anyway Woody seemed really cool. Gave you today and tomorrow off. Even said he’d swing you some paid vacation time if you bring some of your famous lemon squares into work on Monday, so really you have no excuse to object or complain.”

And Mikey wants to complain, and he almost does, but Donnie shoots down his squawk of disapproval with a pointed glare that Mikey hates being at the other end of. “And don’t you dare say you’re fine, Mikey. Your face looks like a bruised plum. Please, just, take the day off, sleep, do laundry, whatever. Raph can even stay home with you, if you really need some more incentive. But just, stay here for today. Ok?”

And he was begging in that way that Donnie and Leo almost never pull on Mikey, because they knew Mikey would crumble like an absolute sucker at those round brown eyes, warm like melted chocolate, and it was a power move that they only used for absolute good. And Mikey guessed that if he was swinging those bright round headlights his way, then this must have been a pretty good reason, and honestly, his bed did seem like something he’d love to just crash into for the rest of the day. So he nods, and lets Donnie lead him to towards the bedroom he shares with Raph, who’s still sleeping soundly on his side of the room.

Mikey doesn’t remember much after that. He changes into some pjs and disgards his shoes at the bottom of his bed while Donnie goes to get him a glass of water for the medicine. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and Donnie rests the makeshift ice pack against his swollen cheek.

Mikey vaguely remembers Raph climbing into this bed a little later, scooching over with a practiced and natural ease so the little five-year-old could squirm his way perfectly against Mikey’s chest, resting his head just under Mikey’s chin, and Donnie poking him in the side, just long enough to tell him that Leo and him will be back home after Leo’s baseball practice and that they’ll pick up a burner phone for him.

Mikey untangles an arm from under the comforter and holds it out towards Donnie, an unsaid invitation that doesn’t take more than a second to understand because Donnie is leaning forward into it anyway, and it’s an awkward hug, but it’s warm, and as the 10-year-old wraps familiar arms around Mikey’s half-hug, squeezing back just as tightly, he presses a kiss into his kid’s bubble gum smelling hair, freshly shampooed, and smiles when he says. “Thanks Dee. Be safe. Love you.”

And his face is still a sorry mess of pain and swollen hurt, but Raph is a solid warmth against his chest, and there are some leftover ingredients for some lemon bars in the cupboard, and he’d been waiting to try out that new veggie lasagna recipe he never had the time for before anyway, and Donnie winks at him wordlessly behind his thick-framed glasses, and somehow Mikey has the distant and fading thought before he slips into sleep again, that he should have known that Donnie always gets his way in the end. And Mikey isn’t upset by that thought at all.

#my fic #big brother mikey au #rottmnt #tmnt #oh i didn't specify here but no mikey's not a delivery boy #Mikey never gets his licence ever #and that may or may not be due to the fact that his father died in a car accident and mikey doesn't want to learn how to drive because of it #but anyway enough of that sadness that it's what this post is about #mikey's jobs vary #he quits working at the pier after this accident because it's just too dangerous and he cant risk something happening to himself like this #which then puts his bros in danger too #so he quits and continues to work at tony's pizzeria part time and ends up getting another job at an art store selling art supplies #he has a few more jobs after than till he gets a permanent and decent paying one at as a waiter/pastiere at Hueso's #and hueso ends up adopting mikey right there on the spot #that's also where he meets LH!

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luminous-faerie · 4 years

Note

Can you do one with the prompt's 3, 6 and 9. 😄

A Wreck Without You

Hey bby, thanks for the request! You didn’t say who for, so I wrote it for Nat :)

Summary: i’m so bad at summarising things. angst with a happy ending

Masterlist

Words: 980

---xxx---

You arrived home and found your apartment looking like bedlam. Cushions from your couch had been cut open, the papers you had left on your coffee table were strewn everywhere. There were plates and mugs smashed to pieces on the floor, along with numerous items of cutlery. And Natasha. Natasha was propped up against your island patching up a wound on her arm. You were utterly dumbfounded.

"Hi." Natasha looked up.

"Sooo, are you going to tell me what happened here? And why are you bleeding?"

"It's not as bad as it looks. Somebody found out I was here, ruined the place and attacked me. I can replace everything that got broken, by the way." You placed your bag on the kitchen counter, dodged the shards of china, and crouched down next to Nat.

"I don't care about that. What happened to you? Are you hurt?"

"Just got a couple of scratches. The other guy is much worse."

"Dead?"

"Severely maimed. And getting interrogated by Tony."

"They are definitely worse off. Are you sure you're okay? That cut looks pretty deep."

"I'll be fine. And I'm getting out of your hair."

"What? You're leaving?"

"Just for a couple days. I need to sort some things out."

"Let me check you over first."

"No, it's not that bad."

"Please, Nat."

"No. I need to go and find out who did this. So you aren't in danger again."

"If you walk out that door, it's over, Natasha."

"What?" It was her turn to question you.

"You're scared; so you're running. You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. You're in danger with me here. What if it had been you alone when they attacked, huh? You could have died."

"So it's about my safety. Natasha, you are the best protection I could have."

"I'll see you in a few days, Y/N."

"NO. I mean it, Nat. If you leave because you think I won't be safe, it's over."

"I just need to think this over."

"What is there to think over? Do you want to be with me or not?"

"What could possibly make you want to be with me after I got criminals in your apartment and trashed the place?"

"I love you. Nothing else matters but that. So what are you going to do?"

"My heart tells me to kiss you, but my head tells me to walk away." There was a deafening silence before she answered. “My head is always right.” She placed her key to the apartment on the kitchen counter and left.

---xxx---

There were no leads on who had broken into your apartment and it drove Natasha mad. She needed to put a stop to it before you got hurt, but after two days of interrogation from various members of the team, she had nothing. So she gave up and wallowed in the pain she gave to herself.

Natasha knew leaving you was wrong. The moment she walked out of your door, she regretted it, but it was done. You'd said it was over. She really was an idiot. She'd been too damn terrified with what might happen to you, that she lost you in a very different way. She had been taught 'love is for children', but being with you had made her realise how very wrong that was. She was a wreck without you.

The longing in her heart wouldn't subside, and she spent the next week curled up in her bed worrying, and contemplating how to make you understand. She knew it wouldn't be an easy feat, and it may not work, but she had to try.

---xxx---

Natasha was sitting on your repaired couch when you returned home. You barely acknowledged she was there. She had truly hurt you.

“I'm not even going to bother asking how you got in here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m new to this…”

“I thought I told you it was over.”

“I just need you to listen for now. You can kick me out later, but I need you to understand why I left.”

You contemplated it for a moment, then sat down opposite her. “Okay.”

She didn’t speak for a moment; she seemed to be processing the right words to say. She took a deep breath. “I’ve never had a relationship with someone I really like before. I thought that if I left you, you would be safer. But now I realise you would be more in danger.

“All my relationships in the past have been part of my job - a target or someone close to them. They were an act. I’ve never had the choice to be with somebody before, and I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. I don’t know how to love, and I think I’m scared of being loved. I was taught from a very young age that love is for children and that it would compromise me. Recognising other people's emotions is something I can do very easily, but I find it difficult to understand my own. If I really did leave you, it might mean I’m putting you more at risk, and I don’t want that. So if you still want me...” She finally met your gaze. “I’d like to be with you.”

"Of course I still want you." Natasha's face glowed brightly. She caught the tears that were rolling down your face with her thumb. You hadn't even noticed them - you were too focused on her.

"Also, I'm sorry about your stuff."

"Oh, I don't care I hated it anyway. You could bring some of your own stuff over and make it really homey. That'd be nice." You pulled her in for a hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Or I was thinking you could move into the compound with me. You'd be way less in danger there."

You smiled warmly. "I'd love to, Nat."

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #black widow #natasha romanov #natasha romanov x reader #my writing #angst with a happy ending

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stories-for-sell · 4 years

Text

All Your Fault

Vylad stood in the center of the growing village and home of the Pheonix Alliance, staring down at the paved stone path under his worn and tattered boots. He should really try and get some new ones one day, he thought to himself, nudging a stray rock as a female voice cut through a silence so loud and suffocating that he felt like he was being crushed.

"What did you just say?" Aphmau questioned, her voice revealing how shocked she was over what Vylad had muttered, apparently not realizing she wasn't suppose to hear it.

"That's not your business, Aphmau."

"Yes, it is actually, Vylad. Tell me what you said!"

His left eye twitched a bit, hands balling into fists, knuckles turning white as Vylad raised his head, green orbs meeting golden ones, practically glowing with unspoken hatred and anger.

"I said." The Shadow Knight hissed out, not bothering to hide any of the venom in his voice, "That. All. Of. This. Is. Because. Of. You."

Aphmau drew herself up as much as she could, which didn't do much since she was only a few inches taller than the man permanently trapped in the physical appearance of a 15 year old boy, narrowing her eyes and speaking loudly. Asserting her dominance, Vylad realized, watching as Laurance, Garroth, and the rest of the island's inhabitants gathered to see what is going on.

"You, Vylad, do not have any right to talk to me like that. Unless you've forgotten, I'm the Lor-"

"YOU AREN'T MY LORD!" Vylad suddenly screamed, cutting her off as his eyes flashed red. He stepped towards her, the anger, pain, hatred.. all of it seeping off of him in waves as everyine couldn't help but cower away from the angry immortal.

"I do not serve anyone. Especially not you. Ever since you've come into existance, everything you've ever done has brought nothing but pain. Because of you, Zenix snapped and has killed MILLIONS of my kind!"

"Vylad..," Laurance began, taking a step forwards and reaching a hand out to touch his boyfriend's shoulder, only to be practically thrown backwards as Vylad shoved him off.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! Don't even speak! You should be mad at her too! She's the reason you went to the Nether in the first place. If she had just minded her own god damn business, then you would have never gone to the Nether and gotten trapped!" He screamed, face slowly turning a bright red from his anger. His eyes were pure red, and literal steam was wafting off his body, the air around him growing dangerously and uncomfortably hot.

Aphmau stared at him, her usual calm exterior turning to one of anger. "How dare you blame what happened to Laurance on me? Laurance told me YOU were the one who broke the portal and got him trapped! I-I can't even... Why would you ever think everything is my fault!?" She screamed right back, letting out a startled and pained yelp, her cheek flaring up in pain, heat shooting through the left side of her face. The skin of her cheek began to blister and turn red, in the shape of a hand mark.

Vylad's hand hovered in the air for a second, eyes narrowed at the Lord, waiting.. daring her to try and speak again. She didn't, and so he rewarded her with what had been on his mind for over 15 years.

"Because.. it is all your fault. If you never cane to Phoenix Drop, Zenix would still be there, still be somewhat sane. Zane would've never found the village, or Garroth, if you hadn't gotten that bitch Donna and her werewolf lover together. I wouldn't have had to shut the Nether portal to keep the Shadow Knoghts from going to the overworld, and Laurance wouldn't have gotten trapped. I wouldn't have had to spend over two-hundred-fourteen years trapped in a cell for closing the portal, not a single clue of what's happening in this realm. Then, I manage to finally fucking get free and lo-and-behold, you're the first person I fucking run into. And you know what? I was willibg to honestly put aside my disdain for you and try to be nice. And so I ask you what happened to garroth and Zane. YOU DON'T FUCKING TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY'RE BOTH DEAD, NO MATTER IF THEY'RE THEIR HALF-BROTHER OR NOT!"

"Baby brother, Aphmau didn't know.." Garroth told him, voice soothing as he trued to calm the enraged beast that practically towered above them, not showing that he was furious with Vylad for slapping Aphmau.

Vylad looked at him, fuming and steaming, and for a second it seemed like he might actually calm down, before he ran his finger over the engagement ring on his hand, and returned to fueling the flames with even more vigor.

"NO. BECAUSE OF THIS LAZY EXCUSE OF A LORD, OUR BROTHER IS DEAD GARROTH! OUR CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND IS DEAD! JEOFFREY IS DEAD BECAUSE OF HER! UNGRTH, BRIAN, VISHER! SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE DIED BECAUSE OF HER CARELESS ACTIONS! SHE IS THE REASON MY OLDER BROTHER IS DEAD, THE REASON MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND SINCE I COULD WALK, IS DEAD! AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND SAVE THIS BY SAYING THAT SHE'S DONE SO MANY GOOD THING BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT!?"

He stared at all of them, waiting for someone to pipe up, eyes scanning the crowd, watching everyone who he laid his gaze on flinch away, even Lucinda. Finally, a soft voice, belonging to a young blue haired giard in training was heard, asking the question they all know Vylad wanted to hear.

"Why?"

"Because.. every good fucking thing she has ever achieved, has been because I made sure of it. I've stayed in the background pulling strings for years to help her succeed and all I've gotten in return is nothing but pain, abandonment, and death of loved ones. I was the one who resurrected her, led her to Phoenix Drop, guided her in the right direction, gave her Levin. Small things that, if I hadn't done.. She would've never been where she is right now. So you can alls ay that Aphmau is this great, amazing Lord who has brought nothing but good, but I know the truth. Cause everytime something good happens for all of you.. something horrible happens to me."

"Why are you upset over Zane?! He killed you!" Laurance screamed at him, his own eyes flashing red.

Red meets red, before turning back to green as Vylad's voice becane dangerously calm, like the quiet peace before disaster. "No matter what my feeling towards Zane are, they don't erase the simple fact that my brother.. TWO of my brothers, are dead because of her. Laurance, don't you see everything that she's done? She's no hero.. no matron."

Vylad stared at Laurance, desperate to have someone at least seem like they're on his side. But his heart shattered as he watched red fade to blue, before Laurance turned his gaze away, a silent answer.

"Fine." He swallowes, throat closing up as the anger dissipitates, replaced by a familair aching loneliness. "Fine! I see that it appears I'm no longer wanted here. But keep this in mind, 'Lord' Aphmau.. making an enemy of a Ro'Meave is a very dangerous idea."

With that, he turned on his heel, storming off, leaving behind burtn footprints where he had just stood. Everyone watched Vykad storm away, disappearing into the forests, before turning to Aphmau and making sure she was ok.

"Give him some time.. he'll come around and realize he was in the wrong." Garroth assured his two friends, helping soothe Aphmau's burnt cheek.

But unkown to them, Vylad was unassembling his makeshift camp, gathering his items, and preparing to depart through the portal to Phoenix Drop, with the plan of returning to an old friend instead. His dark green eyes landed on his engagement ring that he wore on his middle finger, gently easing it off after years of never removing it. Looking at the small gold band, with a name carved into the inner rim, he felt hot, burning tears slide down his cheeks, blistering the skin that they touched. Anger flared in his chest, a new determination being born. He carefully replaced the ring, but instead of on his muddle finger, he put it where it belonged. Where it should've never been removed. Where he should've never left.

"I'm coming home... Zenix."

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rowaning · 3 years

Conversation

The Complete Fiction of HP Lovecraft rated by me, someone who read them all* but has a terrible memory

The Beast in The Cave: uh a guy goes on a cave tour and finds a creature that was like a human that got lost and adapted to its surroundings. 0/10 just because im pretty sure there was another one with this exact premise and neither of them were memorable at all.

The Alchemist: dude achieves immortality and lives in the narrators basement and has pledged to murder his entire lineage or something. 4/10 the alchemy stuff was actually kind of interesting

The Tomb: im pretty sure this is the one where a guy starts hanging out in a tomb and like travels back in time/becomes one of his ancestors? 5/10 if its the one im thinking of i did enjoy reading it

Dagon: guy lands on a mysterious island with signs of a long dead civilization. 1/10 i do not remember what happened in it

A Reminiscence of Dr. Samuel Johnson: 0/10 i have no memory of this

Polaris: also 0/10 i forgot all about it

Beyond the Wall of Sleep: could be any of the dream focused ones. if its the one about the dude sailing into the void or whatever than 4/10 not too bad

Memory: ironically, i dont remember it. 0/10

Old Bugs: 1/10 for the title god i wish i remembered this one

The Transition of Juan Romero: i got nothing. 0/10

The White Ship: this might also be the one about the dude sailing into the void? i liked that one he lived in a lighthouse and boarded a dream ship and just fucking left it was fun. 4/10

The Street: uh i think really steep street that didnt actually exist. 3/10

The Doom that Came to Sarnath: i wanna say another one of the dream centered ones where a town discovers some old relics and blatantly disrespects them and gets exactly whats coming to it. 5/10 they deserved what they got

The Statement of Randolph Carter: ok this dude shows up several times. i think this one is about how he returns to his childhood home then travels back in time and creates a time loop paradox thing. 1/10 meh

The Terrible Old Man: uh some thieves harrass a weird old guy and get got. 5/10

The Cats of Ulthar: someone is mean to a cat in a dream city, all of the rest of the cats get revenge and are revered for the rest of time. 2/10 (-3 because lovecraft has a specific name he gives to apparently every fictional and real cat he encounters and wow i wish he hadn't)

The Tree: i feel like this is something to do with a person becoming a tree but i cant actually remember. 0/10

Celephais: yeah no i got nothing 0/10

The Picture in the House: also nothing 0/10

The Temple: nope 0/10

Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family: is this the one where the dude's great grandfather married an ape? i dont think so but im not sure. 0/10, -5/10 if it is that one cause that one was especially shitty

From Beyond: nope 0/10

Nyarlathotep: charismatic dude shows up and is like get in bitches we're going to the void. i love nyarlathotep cause hes the one who directly interacts with humanity and like wears a human suit or whatever so hes just some dude whos like hey im gonna feed you to azathoth 5/0

The Quest of Iranon: got nothing 0/10

The Music of Erich Zann: narrator makes friends with an old musician whos being hunted by supernatural forces. 2/10 because i remember it but it was just ok

Ex Oblivione: 1/10 for the title but i have no clue what it was about

Sweet Ermengarde: lovecraft's sole attempt at comedy. not to my taste like at all 0/10

The Nameless city: nope 0/10

The Outsider: also nope 0/10

The Moon-Bog: sounds cool, dont remember it. 0/10

The Other Gods: dude tries to find the gods of humanity where they live on a big mountain, actually finds them, is immediately smited by the Other Gods who protect the gods of humanity. 3/10 he deserved it

Azathoth: dont recall, 0/10

Herbert West- Reanimator: Arkham man Herbert West and his assistant ressurect the dead with little thought to the consequences, then get murdered by a band of said resurrected dead. 5/10

Hypnos: nope 0/10

What the Moon Brings: also nope 0/10

The Hound: still nope 0/10

The Lurking Fear: again, nope 0/10

The Rats in the Walls: dude returns to his ancestral home, hears rats, excavates the basement and finds out that his ancestors ate human flesh, eats his friend. 1/10 it was an interesting read but can lovecraft please stop calling cats that.

The Unnameable: no clue 0/10

The Festival: nope 0/10

*Under the Pyramids: ok im pretty sure this is the one with houdini which is the only one i could not read. i went into this mentally prepared for lovecraft's bigotry but i was not mentally prepared for him dropping harry houdini, avid skeptic who absolutely would have beat the shit out of him for this, into the middle of his super racist paranormal horror. -1000/10

The Shunned House: nope 0/10

The Horror at Red Hook: also nope 0/10

He: cool title, no memory of the story. 0/10

In the Vault: wow im bad at this. 0/10

Cool Air: still no 0/10

The Call of Cthulhu: kind of all over the place, there was a thing about artists and then a thing about a cop investigating a cult. 3/10 meh but ill give it a bonus for being a staple of horror fiction.

Pickman's Model: uh artist sees some wild shit and draws it and then it eats him. 2/10 i forget the details

The Strange High House in the Mist: if this is the one im thinking of, dude does a dangerous climb to find a mysterious house and meet the inhabitant who is kind of interdimensional and also being hunted by interdimensional things. also maybe the house eats people? 2/10

The Silver Key: another Randolph Carter one, and i think this is actually the one about him travelling back in time so idk what the other one was. 3/10

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath: randolph carter goes on a quest in the dream world to find the gods of humanity and ask why they wont let him check out this cool city he can see from his window. lots of action and very wordy and went a lot of different places. 4/10 good read but extremely xenophobic

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward: guy investigates his ancestor who looks disturbingly like him, ancestor comes back to life and kills him and takes his place and a bunch of other stuff happens. mostly a dramatized genealogical study. 3/10 not bad, very suspenseful

The Colour Out Of Space: meteor lands on a farm, scientists get weirded out by it, everything in the area gets weird then dead, alien thing gets enough power from draining nearby life-forms to escape earth. fun twist ending. 4/10 bonus for being one of the better ones, detraction for writing out a 'rural accent'

The Descendant: nope, 0/10

The Very Old Folk: nope again, 0/10

History of the Necronomicon: very dry. fake history of lovecraft's fake book thats super important to a lot of the stories. 0/10

The Dunwich Horror: isolated witchy family has a kid who no one likes that grows up real fast. graphic descriptions of renovation. a horror gets unleashed on the area and the local folklore scholars have to deal with it. 1/10 nothing good enough to counter the xenophobia

Ibid: i remember this one. no idea what it's deal was. pseudo-bibliography? it was weird. 0/10

The Whisperer in Darkness: guy has a correspondance with another guy about local folk legends based on evil crab things. other guy gets straight up replaced by an evil crab thing and first guy doesnt even notice. imagine if you followed up on a scam email and didnt realize anything was up until you saw that the face of the dude you were talking to in person was a mask. 4/10 for the comedy this guy would not last in the internet age at all

At The Mountains of Madness: guy whines about penguins and how awful it would be if there were civilizations that predated humanity. also commits grave desecration. i get hit by the realization that if lovecraft was less of a racist coward he wouldve made a great speculative sci fi author. 3/10 i would love to watch that old asshole get absolutely torn to shreds by the monster fucker community

The Shadow over Innsmouth: Fish People! Leave Them Alone! Or Else! 5/10 the protagonist gets to live the dream by escaping human society and becoming an immortal fish person

The Dreams in the Witch House: dude rents an objectively haunted room, doesnt listen to people trying to help him, gets murdered by a weird rat. later they find a shit ton of bones in the attic. 2/10 meh

Through The Gates of the Silver Key: Randolph Carter transcends time and space, then de-transcends time and space and immediately gets stuck on another planet in the distant past, makes a long and difficult journey back to earth to find that his estate is being divided amongst his heirs. the comedy potential of a man stuck in an alien body dealing with a legal system that has declared him dead is not examined. 2/10

The Thing on the Doorstep: narrator's good friend marries a fish person witch who steals his body. thats basically it. 3/10. at this point im like wow these narrators really refuse to believe the heavily foreshadowed supernatural explanations that turn out to be correct huh.

The Evil Clergyman: dude is in a room. some ghosts (?) show up. dude has a UV light for some reason. Gets his face stolen i guess and just has to live with it. 5/10 for being absolutely buck wild and refusing to explain anything

The Book: nope 0/10

The Shadow Out Of Time: dude gets his body stolen by ancient scholar species. agonizes about it for a while. finds archaeological evidence of said species. finds a book he wrote while living with said species. almost gets eaten by something. 3/10 more cool speculative sci fi but lame protagonist

The Haunter of the Dark: you'd think id remember it bc this was the last one and i read it last night. oh wait, nvm i do remember it. dude finds an old box in a run down culty church and unleashes a horror that then comes and fucks him up. 1/10 meh.

#tw lovecraft #i have forgotten more than i can remember #which is on par for me

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sheabuttahwrites · 4 years

Text

[I Know]

. three : talkative

two

I had been blessed with a very rare situation. Cam hadn’t left for work, yet I was home alone. He always requested that I cook the day before his flight, but, today, we didn't have all of the necessary ingredients for whatever he was asking for. I didn't care enough to remember what he wanted and, since my jaw was still a little puffy and a few marks remained around my neck, he was also forced to make the grocery store run on his own. After he had been gone for a solid ten minutes, I saw my opportunity. I hadn't actually spoken to O in ages, so I decided to call him up while I had the chance.

“Awww, man,” he answered, in a groggy tone. The deep, sexy ‘morning’ voice was in full effect. “Look at the Lord working on this fine Sunday--what time is it?--afternoon.”

“You know what?”

The comforting melody of his laughter fell into my ear. I had been craving it for the longest. “What’s up, pooh?”

“Hey, my boo boo boo boo bear,” I half mumbled, employing a voice usually reserved only for babies. He laughed again, this time I joined him.

“Yo, I miss you.”

“I’m saying. I wanted to hear your voice.”

“Yeah, I almost forgot what you sound like.”

“Anyway,” I giggled. “You actually sound like you were sleeping. Did I wake you?”

“You most definitely did.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It’s all good, I ain't trippin’. What you up to?”

“You sure? ‘Cause I can let you go back to sleep and just talk to you later.”

“You about to hang up on me or something?”

“No, I'm not hanging up on you,” I barely replied, laughing way too hard. It even hurt my jaw a little. “I'm just trying to make sure you good.”

“Why wouldn't I be good?”

The silliest smile found its way onto my face. I was so glad he couldn't see me. “Ok, I’m done.”

When I saw her name pop up on my screen, I knew she was alone. This would’ve been a text conversation for sure. The only time we really got to talk was when she was here. Which was spaced out, but still pretty often. Her first visit was my suggestion. She sounded like she needed to get away, so I offered up my place. Understandably, she was reluctant, but decided to come a week or so after the initial invitation. We had been knowing each other for about six months then, and I felt cool enough to share my space with her. When she got here, all she wanted to do was stay inside. I didn't press her, because I was sure there was some fear involved, but I did eventually convince her to hit the streets with me. Ever since, her getaways became customary. She would hit me the day before her dude was leaving, and I’d plan to pick her up as soon as I could. She’d stay with me for two weeks, then she’d go back home for a week before she returned. She said it was because she didn't want to wear out her welcome. I told her that wasn't even possible, but I let her do it however she felt most comfortable. Either way, I enjoyed her company. The arrangement wasn't the most ideal of situations, but I just couldn't shake the fact that shit was just better when she was around.

“Um hmm. You by yourself?”

“Yeah. He just went to the store.”

“Ok. So, what you up to?” I asked, referencing my earlier question.

“Sitting in this house looking ugly,” she said, giggling at her own lie. “I been missin’ you, too.”

“When I’ma see you then?”

“He leaves in the morning.”

I can't lie, I always looked forward to this news. My grin was so wide I wouldn't be surprised if shorty could hear it through the phone. “Yeah? Well, I can come through tomorrow. Or you wanna wait a little bit?”

“Wait for what?”

“I mean, I was just checking. It's whatever you wanna do.”

After a slight pause, she smacked her lips and laughed, catching that this was just my way of getting her back for trying to hang up on me a second ago. “You are not funny.”

“So, you want me to come tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow, O. Definitely tomorrow.”

I chuckled, hearing her try to speak through her giggles. “I'm messing with you. You know I'ma be there.”

“Um hmm. What time?”

“What time you gon' be ready?”

“Around eight-thirty or nine.”

“I’ll come at nine.”

“Yeah, that’ll be perfect. I can't wait to see you.”

“Me either. It's been a while.”

“It has. I miss your face.”

“Yeah?”

“Um hmm.”

“What you miss about it?”

For some reason, I started to blush instantly. I sat back, twirling a piece of my hair, snickering into the phone. “Anyway.”

I heard him laugh a little. “You are a trip. It’s good to hear your voice, though.”

“Yeah.” I just wished that he and Cam were more alike. Or that they could switch places, or something. O was just everything, the same way I knew that Cameron could be. But, somewhere along the way, I guess he had forgotten how to show it. “…Oh, yeah, I dreamed about you last night. We were dead ass flying.”

“What was this one about?”

I almost always shared my dreams of him with him. Only because they had all been mostly innocent. Up until last night. If I would've been thinking, I wouldn't have even mentioned it. Now I had to tell him. But no way was I about to tell him everything. “You came here, left with me, and we didn't come back,” I half lied.

“Hmmm.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you know what I told you.”

“Yes,” I smiled. “I know.”

“Um hmm. Ain’t nothing changed. Whenever you’re ready.”

I bit my bottom lip, so taken by his words that I couldn't even say anything. Omari had always been honest with me. From the beginning I knew that our friendship was important to him, but I also knew that his interest in me went much deeper. I really didn't know what to do with that.

“So, what we doing tomorrow?” He continued.

“I'm just happy to be getting away for a while.”

“You say that every time I ask you what you wanna do.”

I smacked my lips at him. He was already fully aware that I was the most indecisive person on the planet. “But it's the truth. I would come over there right now if I could,” I confessed.

“I can be there in like twenty minutes.”

“Omari, no,” I laughed. He was a mess and then some. Knowing he lived more than twenty minutes away.

“You always giggling. Goofy self.”

We talked for about forty-five more minutes until Cam got back home. I was already downstairs in the kitchen, so I could easily hear when he pulled into the garage. Though I was nowhere near ready, I told Omari I had to go and hurried to erase all evidence of our interaction. First his number from my phone, then the smile from my face. Right before Cam walked in with takeout from King Spring, my favorite Chinese spot.

“I got Chinese. I thought maybe you would like that better than cooking.”

Barely even looking his way, I responded with a weak grin. Only because I really didn't feel like cooking. Especially not for him. “Yeah, thanks,” I mumbled, unimpressed. He sat the bag up on the counter and passed me the carryout box from the top, along with a handful of duck sauce.

“You're welcome.”

We washed our hands and he took a seat beside me up at the island as I began to squeeze packet after packet of duck sauce onto my combination fried rice. I wasn't stuntin' his ass, but I was past ready for the food he was failing to bait me with.

“Um... can we talk?” he had the nerve to ask.

“Cameron, seriously?”

“What?”

“You know what.” I stopped, focused on stirring my rice. “...I really don't have anything to say to you.” I started to eat, quickly forgetting that I had been punched in the jaw just a little over a day and a half ago. “Aaah,” I winced, grabbing my face. For some reason, he reached up and placed his hand to mine.

“I'm sorry.”

I dropped my arm down into my lap, mainly because I wanted him off of me. Why he felt the need to touch me at the moment, I had no idea. “Yeah, I know. You told me,” I replied, wondering if he could sense my mild sarcasm. I replaced the food that had fallen from my fork, this time being a lot more careful not to aggravate my injury as I ate.

“You still mad at me?”

Once again, my attempt to satisfy my hunger was cut short. I slowly turned to look at him and slumped my head in disbelief. He couldn't be serious. “Look at me, Cameron. Look at me. Do you see this?” I asked, holding my hair back to make sure he could get a clear view of my face and neck. “This is you. I didn't do this.”

“But, baby, I apologized for that. I'm sorry.”

He was serious indeed. So much so that I lost my damn appetite. I turned away with a frustrated sigh, allowing my fork to fall from my hand. “Cam... can we please just let it go?”

I did not have the energy for this shit. No matter how hard I tried, I could never make him understand that his ‘sorrys’ didn't reverse my pain. They didn't take away my scars. They didn't erase all of the bad memories or make me feel more comfortable in my own home. But, still, they were all I ever got from him. And, quite honestly, I was sick of being lied to. Because, if he were ever really sorry, he wouldn't have to repeat it over and over. Because he wouldn't keep doing this shit to me.

“So, that's it? You don't wanna talk to me?”

“I don't. I don't wanna talk to you about anything right now.”

“...Aight ...ok.” I decided to just leave her alone and let her eat. I went back to my plate as well, but then I realized she wasn't eating with me. “You don't want the food either?”

“I'm not hungry.”

I sighed and looked away for a second, more upset with myself than anything. I had overreacted. She said she didn't call me someone else's name, maybe she didn't. I don't know. It’s like, when it came to her, I could turn into something so ruthless. I just loved her so much. And I’d never had to doubt her love for me. After twenty-seven years of life, I hadn't come across anyone like her. She had stuck with me through everything, given me her love, sacrificed herself and her own happiness for me. Somebody who didn't even deserve it. But I could sense her starting to get tired early on. That's when I knew I had to make moves. We needed to get far away from Atlanta. I had to become all she had. It was the only way she would stay. And God knows I didn't wanna lose her. But I wasn't treating her the way a man should. At some point, she had become like a possession to me. Maybe it was because she was untouched before me, but I just felt like she was mine. And the thought alone of another taking my place was enough to push me over the edge. I had no idea what I would, or wouldn't, do if the shit actually happened and that scared me. I don't even know if it was in me to restrain myself anymore.

One thing I knew for sure, I was a different guy when we first started. It was never my plan to turn into this horrible person. In fact, my goal was the opposite. I wanted to be good to her; the way she was to me. I didn't want to use my hands to cause her body harm. It wasn't my intent to employ my voice in a way that would make her feel unsafe or less than the amazing woman she was. But the ability to control those impulses was something I had long lost. All the shit she was working with could drive the soundest mind mad. She was damn near perfect. Which was why I didn't understand myself in the least. Most people would kill for what I had, and I couldn't even handle it.

“Baby, I can't leave here tomorrow with us like this.” She looked over at me, her face void of any expression. “What I gotta do?”

Not a single solution came to mind and I had grown tired of him trying to force me to talk to him, so I got up and put my food into the microwave. I quietly left the kitchen and made my way upstairs to lie down in the bed I had been banished from and then reinvited to on many occasions. I fought so hard not to cry, but I did not win. Tears ran from my eyes like faucets as I hugged my pillow, wondering if he knew the depth of the pain he was causing me; if he even cared.

After a few short minutes, I felt his side of the bed sink behind me. I knew he would end up there. He always followed me around like a puppy when he'd done wrong. Which was the opposite of what I wanted him to do. But it always got him the result I guess he was looking for...

Once he was done fucking my brains out, I had to coax myself into not throwing up. I felt disgusting. Still, I had to make it seem as if everything was ok. Because, to him, it was.

There were many things that had changed about Cam over the years, but one that had remained the same was his ability to appease me sexually. I didn't like to admit it, but the way he used his body made me absolutely stupid. And, in knowing this, he often took advantage.

“I love you. So much,” he claimed, out of breath.

I smiled up at him, playing along with this sick game. “I love you.”

Hours Later

We were still laid up; facing one another, legs tangled, and wrapped in each other's arms. His eyes hadn't left me once, and neither had his hand left my face. His caresses were endless and so were his kisses. When his lips weren't pressed against me, they were in my ear reciting countless I love you's. The guilt had him laying it on extra thick.

This was usually the time where I'd begin to exact my sort of revenge. For about the next week or so, I could get anything I wanted out of him. I had attained my phone, laptop, and use of one of the cars from time to time this very way. But, with this particular instance, I wasn't even interested in gaining anything. His leaving was enough for me.

“I don't wanna let you go,” he whispered, before kissing my lips for about the hundredth time.

“You better go pack.”

“Shit, I don't even have to leave tomorrow.”

I almost frowned, but, luckily, I caught myself. He did not need to start with that shit. No way was I about to agree with him. “...I think you should,” I somehow mustered up the courage to say. He didn't reply, but the slight confusion all over his expression was enough. “Baby, it's your job. You need to go.”

“I wasn't serious. I just wish I didn't have to leave right now, you know?”

“Yeah.” I reached and put my arm up around his neck, giving him yet another kiss. A grin spread across my face after, but he didn't seem so thrilled anymore. “It’s gonna be ok, baby. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

About another hour later, he finally left the bed and started to get his things ready. Needless to say, I was elated and it definitely showed. I didn't even bother trying to hide it. I was nothing but smiles and giggles, and this nigga had the nerve to believe it was because of him. Seriously? How could he possibly think that he had anything to do with my newfound joy? Anything!

“It's good to see you smile again,” he told me, smiling himself. I didn't say a word. I just smiled wider, and way goofier, which only made us both laugh. “Silly girl.”

It was almost funny how clueless he was. He would probably lose whatever morals, religion, and sanity he had left if he knew I had found so much comfort in another man. Especially one who was without a doubt more attractive than him. But that was a risk I was willing to take. O was worth it.

“You not gon' help me, though?” he asked, fake pouting, trying to persuade me. I usually did help, but tonight I was exhausted. Plus, I didn't wanna help.

“I'm tired, boo.” Just as I finished speaking, a perfectly timed yawn followed. “See?”

“Damn. I probably should've done this before, huh?”

“Maybe,” I giggled, “but it's too late now.”

He laughed to himself and continued to fill his luggage as I rolled over, not worried about him or his clothes. Only one person was on my mind, and my longing would be cured in just a few hours.

#original fiction #original characters #black characters #black fiction #black fic #drama #romance #love story #i know #SheaButtahWrites

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theworldbrewery · 5 years

Text

free worldbuilding/adventure premises

Take them, steal them, modify them all you like.

In a city built into a long-dormant volcano, a new religion claims the deity of the lava is hungry and begins to engage in ritual sacrifices to the depths below.

In a world where all the shipwrecked and marooned eventually arrive on the same island, a mysterious new arrival offers teleportation magic to help a select few escape--on the condition that they aid in the rescue of the remaining islanders.

In a land ravaged by civil war between (group A) and (group B), a group of foreigners arrive to participate in ally negotiations, black market trade, or mercenary work. When they arrive, they find that less of this nation survived than they expected.

In a region where small-time mages run protection rackets and under-the-table trades, a group of strangers are hired to solve a case that threatens to topple the illegal spell component trade.

In a world where illegal necromancy is a hot topic of debate and the rights of the undead are under question, the "disposable" zombie miners go on strike, leaving the mines abandoned and rich for exploring.

One day a year, the Feywild and the Prime Material Plane merge, and the worlds are enveloped in merriment, carousing, and bacchanal madness before returning to normal. But this year, the worlds do not separate, and the safety of both planes is at great risk.

In a feudalistic world where knights legally force peasants to fight alongside them against their foes, a town near an active gateway to the Abyss is sick and tired of being drafted as expendable soldiers in yet another holy war.

In a nation governed by corrupt and selfish royalty, a rebellious coalition schemes to take the country back into the hands of its people, but those involved have their own ulterior motives for joining up.

In a world where ruins of a long-dead civilization cover the land and mysterious artifacts are hidden everywhere, a mummified oracle breathes again to deliver one last prophecy with apocalyptic implications.

In a world where clockwork has replaced magic as the convenience-du-jour, an aging wizard places a curse in revenge; as all the clockwork machinery shuts down in a hundred-mile radius, the people are desperate for a solution, but time is running out.

In a world where a terrible plague wipes out entire towns one-by-one, the party sets off in search for a cure; but they may not like the cost they must pay.

#d&d #dnd #dungeons and dragons #critical role #taz #campaign premises #game ideas

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tsarisfanfiction · 4 years

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Thinking thoughts and wanted to know your opinion law went from this seemingly laid back almost easy going personality to this brooding serious man during the time skip do you think he’ll slowly ease back into his old personality once this emperor stuff is taken care of and do you think his crew miss his laid back ways?

Ooh, hello Anon! This is an interesting question for sure, but honestly? I don’t think Law’s personality really changed. What changed is his situation (and two years of additional experience).

Aaaaand my explanation/character study got super long so it’s under a cut. Oops. Vague warning for Wano spoilers at some point (I give an actual warning when I get there but a few other things may have slipped in earlier so watch out if you’re anime-only, I guess?)

Okay, so: Sabaody. Laid back, taunting so-and-so noted by Kid of all people to have zero manners and perfectly happy to poke fun at Drake (note: Drake is also former North Blue, we know their backstories intersected - although whether they know that is another matter entirely, although I headcanon that Drake knows and Law doesn’t but that’s a whole other thing, just like I headcanon that Drake, Penguin and Shachi totally knew each other as teenagers. I mean, neighbouring islands? Pirates? Don’t try and tell me the Barrel Pirates never visited Swallow Island when it was literally right there, and what little we know of pre-Hearts Penguin and Shachi they would totally have been in the pirate kid’s face, but I’m getting off-track).

Law spends a lot of time in Sabaody watching. When we first see him, he’s watching Killer and Urouge duke it out, and doesn’t do anything to influence what’s going on until Drake arrives (again: Drake, North Blue, a Known Quantity. Killer? South Blue. Urouge? Sky Islands. Unknown Quantities, and possibly the first time he’s seen either of them in person). Then we see him in the Auction House, and we all know he wasn’t there to make a purchase. One of Oda’s brilliant tie-backs - the Auction House is one of Joker’s things. Joker is Doffy. Law is tracking Doffy. It’s not rocket science that he’s there to get more info.

Then the Strawhats happen. Law sits there amid all that carnage, seeing the entire crew reunite in the middle of the Biggest Thing Ever To Happen on Sabaody (I mean… punch a tenryubito, nice one Luffy). Doesn’t join in, doesn’t try to leave. Sits and watches. His interaction with Luffy is more info-gathering: this guy just punched a tenryubito and now the Marines are here. What next?

I love the Three Captains Beatdown. (I am delighted we finally have the Part 2). Luffy and Kid are being Luffy and Kid. They’re crazy, they’re strong, they’re not backing down. Law has his pride. He’s the ‘weakest’ of the three (by which I mean he has the lowest bounty and in pirate-speak that means weaker) and both Kid and Luffy are completely not his type of pirate (again, revisited in current manga events and thank you, Oda). If he doesn’t act then, he’ll lose a whole load of respect, and also put his crew in danger because, you know, the admiral is coming and Shachi already admitted Rayleigh’s haki nearly took him out. So we have three of Law’s big traits coming out in Sabaody (imo): Protectiveness of his crew, Scheming, and being an Intentional Pain in the Ass (with a subsection of Pride but all pirates have that one so I’m not gonna focus on that too much).

As for Marineford, that’s really a case of sticking his tongue out at the World Government, let’s be honest (plus the whole Will of D schtick we still don’t know the full depth of). What better way of saying ‘screw you’ to the WG than saving someone who just broke out of Impel Down and has made themselves out to be a royal nuisance but hey it’s okay because he’s dea- dammit Trafalgar came in and now he’s not dead? Also really got his name on their radar for Shichibukai fun later.

All three of these traits still show themselves post-timeskip, but up until Zou/Wano there is one big factor that’s changed.

Law is alone.

He’s sent his crew off somewhere safe (there is no other reason for ditching most of his fighting power all the way to Zou other than to just keep Doflamingo’s strings away), his scheming is reaching its peak, and then the Straw Hats come in and make a mess of everything.

I don’t know about you, but I’d be much more serious when I’m alone in a keystone of my greatest enemy’s lair with my nakama too far away to help, and then the Strawhats crash the party.

He’s met them once before, presumably also read about them in the News Coo, so he knows they do unpredictable things at the worst times. He also knows they’re strong, so Scheming Law comes in again, allies with them to both try and stop them from messing everything up, and also get some additional firepower in to replace his crew’s strength (or at least a bit of it - considering the Strawhats are half the size of the Hearts and if anyone tries to tell me Law, Bepo and Jean Bart are the only powerhouses in that crew I will fight, how much exactly it compares is a grey area).

Too bad Luffy is, well, Luffy, and it doesn’t quiiite pan out the way Law planned (but he’s learning! Latest chapter is gold). But again, Punk Hazard: we see Pain in the Ass Law (vs Smoker), Scheming Law (basically main Law right now), and Protective Law (Heart Pirates hidden away safe).

And this continues into Dressrosa, with of course the addition of Tragic Backstory (it’s One Piece, he was going to have one. Even if Law’s ends up particularly nasty). Law is facing his greatest enemy, the one he swore to defeat after thirteen years, and then he gets outsmarted. So we have out of his depth, defeated Law - although he’s still being a Smartass to Doffy because he can. Again, I think being tense, snappy and generally not a happy guy is pretty fair in that situation. Luffy simultaneously makes things better and worse - Law has to rely on him to get him out of there, and we know Law’s not one for trusting easily (Jean Bart’s recruitment is an interesting case and I wonder if he was planning on keeping him straight away or if it was another FU to the tenryubito plus ‘hey, fighting power’ moment but then Jean Bart was actually loyal and also a goof). But Luffy does it, they win, hooray.

But now? Now we have Law alone with the Straw Hats forming a Grand Fleet and he’s really back-footed here in terms of power balance. It is Not Smart to rib the pirates who a) outnumber you like hell and you have no hope of backup anywhere and b) are the ones that are going to get you back to your own crew. This isn’t like Sabaody, where there’s Luffy and Kid and he needs to prove himself to them as well as keep his crew safe. His crew are safe (he thinks… we’ll get to that in a minute), Luffy’s seen him at his absolute worst in the last 13 years, and all his scheming for the last 13 years has reached a conclusion.

He’s lost, he’s tired, and really he just wants to go home to his nakama now. Can you blame him?

Then, we get Zou.

Zou is fun. Zou is really, really fun. We get the reunion! Which we see literally 1% of and I’m mad because that would have been so good to see. Bepo literally jumps on him and he lets him. I bet the rest of the crew did, too. We see Law with his crew of idiots and he loves them and there’s so much scope in there for Law finally being able to relax for the first time since Time Skip. And the Hearts get on well with the Straw Hats. We see Penguin and Usopp dancing together later on, we see Law teasing his crew (not introducing them? Their reaction to that is the sort of thing we would see other pirate captains punish for mutiny but he just shrugs it off. He knew they’d react like that).

But there are two big elephants in the room here (unintentional pun whoops). Number one: Sanji’s disappearance and his ally’s reaction to that. We see that covered pretty well in canon, Law realising that his ally is about to have two yonkou after his head at the same time and the problem that poses for him, Law getting dragged into a new alliance with the Minks and Samurai (Law being a total goof about Raizo but Keeping Up Appearances because Strawhats). Law presumably making the executive decision that breaking his alliance now would be a bad idea (Kaido is still annoyed with him, the Minks adore the Strawhats, Luffy is a clingy rubbery bastard that won’t let him go anyway), and once more we have a back-footed Law.

The second elephant is fun for me. It’s never fully stated in canon, but. Jack attacked the Minks. The Heart Pirates were living with the Minks. The Heart Pirates fought with the Minks (we saw that). Bepo was treated by Nami (we also saw that). The Heart Pirates got caught up in that whole mess. At the minimum, the whole crew got poisoned alongside the Minks. I reckon some of them were probably tortured, too. Law came home to his crew expecting them to have been safe and they weren’t. And now he’s asking them to go straight to the lair of the crew that did that to them. That’s not going to settle particularly well with him, either.

We don’t see the journey to Wano (disclaimer: I haven’t seen anything past WCI in the anime so I have no clue what fillers may have been added), but there’s still four Strawhats and the samurai on board, so even back in his own ship Law can’t fully relax, but I bet he’s still like Zou-Law. A little peeved, trying to work out how the hell he’s going to deal with Kaido with or without Luffy and the half of the Strawhats that have gone on a suicide mission, but genuinely happy to see his crew again.

Then he manages to kick all the intruders once they arrive at Wano, and the first we see of him, he’s chilling out. Watching. He even has his crew on info-gathering/watching (we see Penguin, Shachi and Bepo but I bet they’re all doing it). Hello, Sabaody!Law! Chilled, keeping an eye on things, scheming (just no-one to irritate because they’re trying to keep a low profile).

And then Luffy returns and we’re back to Punk Hazard, except this time, Law’s crew are in the mess, too. Law’s plans are crumbling, Luffy is being a royal nuisance, and then things go from Bad to Worse.

I don’t know how far the anime has got so vague blanket manga spoiler warning from here.

Luffy gets captured. Kaido knows they’re there. Kaido attacks his crew. If it wasn’t for Shinobu having a devil fruit useful in that situation, that would have been bye-bye Penguin, Shachi and Bepo. So there go Law’s plans and his crew are in danger. Punk Hazard but worse.

Then, thanks to the traitor, Penguin, Shachi and Bepo get captured. They’re also accused of being the traitor, and Protective Law rears his head big time. The Heart Pirates in effect leave the alliance. Not officially, because Law knows he’ll need them later even if it’s only as bait while he gets the hell out of there with his crew, if required, but he strikes out and they hear nothing from him until voila, Penguin, Shachi and Bepo are back!

And this was the return of Pain In The Ass Law. He’s smirking at Hawkins, and someone else I’m currently running with the theory of Drake. Oh look, North Blue buddies! Known Quantities. Some scheme is hatched (looking forwards to that one). He’s also protecting the hell out of his crew, because Hawkins hit him where it hurts (North Blue not-so-buddies. Known Quantities. Works both ways).

Now? Now, we’re looped right back to Sabaody again. The Three Captains are back, Law is back to being surrounded by idiots but still proving himself whilst protecting his crew and scheming (and this time knows how to include Luffy and Kid into his schemes! Character development!).

It’s been two years, he’s been through hell (again, Oda please give him a break), but the core things we saw back in Sabaody? They’re still there, and the closer he is to his crew the clearer we see them.

So to answer the question will he go back to that? No, because that’s not how character development works, but I do think we’ll see the Pain In The Ass Law more once Protective and Scheming Law aren’t needed in earnest (unfortunately, as long as the Strawhats are around, he’s always going to have some sort of guard up because he’s learnt and he’s not stupid. As they’re our protags, that means we’re probably only going to see Law much while he’s with them).

As for his crew? We know, thanks to the SBS, that Penguin, Shachi and Bepo have known him since basically the day he lost Rocinante. Whatever hell of a mess he is at the moment, it’s not going to be anything like 13yo Law after his whole life crumbled again. It’s not known exactly when he meets the rest of the crew (except Jean Bart), but it’s somewhere in those 11 years between Minion Island and Sabaody (and maybe some again in the time skip).

So some of his crew, at least, have seen him worse and basically learn to love again (as cheesy as that sounds). They might not like the blip, but they’ve seen him worse, so they’ll know that it’ll pass. And as I’ve been saying, we’ve seen him far more without his crew than with them. There’s a high chance that how he acts with them hasn’t changed as much as the change we’ve seen as readers.

This basically turned into an Essay on Law oops. But it was a very interesting question!

#ask #trafalgar law #character study #heart pirates #i tried to keep headcanons out of this and stick to the manga facts but I know a couple slipped in #essay on law #tl;dr i don't think his personality has changed just the situations he's been in #Anonymous

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