#and my ex bf is coming so if it goes bad we just leave. and tbh; I don't even want to go because of it.

[not-that-blog]

I'm lowkey trauma dumping to the internet again in the tags bc it got to me.

[yuyu1024]

Take a chance

Pairings: Seonghwa × y/n & Wooyoung [ex bf]

Genre/tags: fake relationship to real??

Warning: cursing, smoking/drinking, cheating (pls dont do this), insecurities, jealousy, with 🔞 smut/angst, sensual touching, dry humping, cursing, pet names, unprotected sex, blowjob/handjob, mention of period

~~~ [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 4.6k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: Part 2 for Jealous

I hope its good enough for the first part 🙏🏻  its sort of rushed at the end coz i finished it so late 😅 and as usual, I do write when I'm about to pass out, to sleep.

Again, thank you for those liking my short fics 🫶🏻

***

"Unnngghhhh... aahhhh...s- so good!"

Fucking hell. What am I doing? Why am I here again? At his place, panties off and riding him like my rent is due tomorrow. What the fuck happened to me? I'm not like this... I'm...

"Fuck!" I cry as I intertwined both my hands with his. "I'm... about to... explode." I am catching my breathe.

"Let it go..." he answers and then pulling you down just enough so he could kiss you on your pinkish lips. "Come for me..." he snarls as you separate.

And I did.

I threw my head back and just released everything. I even think my soul left my body coz I am shaking like a twig.

"You are amazing..." Seonghwa sits up and embraces me. "You are beautiful..." he leaves gentle kisses on my shoulder and my neck. "You are happiness..."

His words. Since we agreed with this fake dating thing. I thought, everything will be just like the same as our relationship before. Casual. But the more we spend time together or should I say, have sex in his place or mine the more he became vocal, praising me, saying such nice things to me. I don't know why but I'm not used to it. Or maybe, I'm flustered every time and I can't just express it.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing but... it's just new to me. Wooyoung compliments me yes, however, when Seonghwa does it. It feels different. It makes my heart skip a beat.

"I make you happy?" I snort a laugh as I relax my tense body. "Are you saying that because your dick is still in me and you want to go another round?" I joke

He smiles softly, "No..." and then he tugs my loose hair behind my ear. "Unless you want to..." and then kisses the corner of my lips.

"Really?" I start to tease him by moving my hips again.

He grunts as he felt my tightness and then softly giggles, "you're being naughty..."

He turns us both around. Now he's on top and my back is on his bed. I am giggling like a little girl, enjoying his reaction.

"Let me show you... why you should not tease me like that..."

He goes on to nibble every inch of my skin. Making me moan like we didn't just had an amazing sex a second ago.

Seonghwa really does a very good job at making me weak and fold in an instant. His lips, his tongue, his eyes, his words and his.... length. Everything about him had become my krytonite but at the same time fills my emptiness inside of me. Both metaphorically and literally.

Though, all of this is fun and satisfying. Our relationahip is NOT true. This is all fake. We are not IN LOVE.

Which pains me a little deep inside actually. How the fuck this have to happen to me? Finding someone that is making me happy, enjoy life, makes me feel like his only girl in the world and gives effort to get to know me turns out to be someone who is just a friend, a nice friend, that I cannot make myself fall in love witu.

I need to pause on this feelings I am having. I need to focus on me and not us. Coz there is no US.

FUCK.

***

I must've fallen asleep after having another round.

I'm still lying on his bed, face down and his white thick blanket is wrapped around me.

"It's snowing..." I mumble as I blink away the sleepiness in my eyes whilst looking outside his window. "It's been that long..." Referring to our deal.

Didn't realize that we've been doing this for more than half a year already.

I roll over looking up at his ceiling. "I've been fucking him...that long...?" I ask myself. "Hmm..."

Then my phone pings, cutting me from my deep thoughts. I get up, covering my bare top with the blanket, and check who messaged me.

WY: It's snowing. Don't forget to bring a jacket and a scarf. ♥️

I heavily sighed after reading his text. I don't get him. Him, pushing and pulling my feelings is getting on my nerves.

A month into my deal with Seonghwa, I thought, well, he made me think that he still have feelings with me. After getting jealous and all with hwa. Then after that he became cold with me again and flaunts his new girl, face to face. Then he continued sending me text messages like this, whenever he wants. Like, what? He dumped me right? And he's with a girl so... why?

And also, why does it bother me? I should be happy right? Since all of these acting is affecting the guy who just dated me just because. I am getting to him.

"Everything alright?"

Holy crap. He looks devine coming out of his bathroom; topless, freshly showered. His pants is just hanging perfectly around his hips and the band of his underwear is slightly showing. And his hair... its longer now.

Fuck! Y/N get a grip! Stop drooling!

I look away, acting fine as if his presence does not affect me. Even though my stomach is already twisitng.

"Yeah..." I answer then locking my phone and putting it back on the bedside table.

He pauses drying his hair and lays the towel around his neck. "Is it Wooyoung?"

I nod.

"He's been texting you frequent."

"Yeah... he does..." I lower my gaze on my hands.

"How do you feel?"

Nothing. Yes I am irritated but that's just me not liking him sending me mix signals. That's only it.

Before I speak, I look back up at Seonghwa. I want to guess what he's thinking. I want to know what he feels about me. Because while fucking, all I could see through his eyes is that he wants me and that he can't let me go.

Maybe I'm just overthinking about lust over love. I'm sure I'm not his type. I've seen the girls he had dated before, they are way, way up there. While me, I'm just an ordinary girl. I cannot be labelled as pretty nor beautiful.

Yeah he does say I am but his dick is literally inside of me whenever he does or when we are cuddling and making out.

Damn. Wait. Am I really into him? Stop! I should not go there. No. Or esle, I'll get myself hurt again.

"Ahm..." I look away from him. "Fine I guess..." then I scoot over to get to the edge of the bed, to make my way to the shower. "I'll get ready too..." I try to act as normal as I can. Smiling even then handing him the blanket that's covering my whole body and then walk pass him.

***

I really can't focus in my classes. My over analyzing have been affecting me for these past two weeks and it sucks. My life was so dull not until Seonghwa happened. I get excited going to Uni or if not I get exciting meeting after class and getting back to our places together. Now, I am ruining it.

Maybe I should just chill and enjoy this. And just be prepared for all the heart break and crying later.

"Hi!" Wooyoung appears out of nowhere, kissing me on the cheek.

"What the fuck?" I hiss at him.

I have to be quiet. We are at the library.

"What?" He acts innocent.

I roll my eyes at him and go back to reading my notes. "Go away..."

"Why are you being so cold to me? We're friends."

I glare at him. "We were. Then you made me your girlfriend and then dumped me..."

"But you've moved on right?"

My eyebrows shows my irritation. "What do you want, Wooyoung?"

He smirks and then shrugs. "Nothing... I swear"

"Don't. I know you." I snap at him

He smiles, "Fine." and then proceeds on sitting next to me. "You and Seonghwa... what's the deal?" His tone changes. "Are you two dating?"

"Why do you care?"

"Well because... Seonghwa--"

"If you're going to tell me something bad about him... stop okay? Don't make shit up just because you don't like seeing me hanging around him more." I am in no mood today. Plus I'm on my period.

"Y/N..."

I sigh as I start to pack my things. "Whatever him and I have... or do... it's none of your business... you two are friends and I am your ex... that's it. If we don't tell you things about us... it's on us... because it is our privacy." I slide my bag over my shoulder, "also... if you are really his friend... don't text his girl. Have decency."

I walk away.

Wow. That felt good. I don't know why. Sorry Wooyoung... I know you are not a bad person. You are just... off every now and then when it comes to things you think you own. And You don't own me. Not anymore.

****

<Seonghwa's POV from the morning of the firt snow>

I got up from my bed to answer the door. I have to admit, I am a little grumpy because I don't like waking up early especially if my class is in the afternoon. But then,

"Hi..."

I think I blinked more than ten times before I could process the fact that, Y/N, is standing at my door, this early in the morning.

"Hi..." I answer back as I brush my hair away from my face.

"Sorry to bother you... this early... but I just want to check if I left my books here last week?" She asks scratching her head. "I can't find it at my place. And I already asked my classmates if they borrowed them..." she trails

She's blushing.

I want to pull her in right now. I want to... I want to grab her by the waist and give her a kiss. I want her... now. If only she's my girl.

"You want to come in?" I ask, "I mean... to look?"

When she smiles, her cheeks are reaching the heavens. She's so beautiful.

She enters my place like she's destined to be here. I know I just recently moved dorm but looking at her, knowing where to look and places that she could touch is so amusing to me.

"Sorry..." she says as she accidentally knocks my perfume on top of the drawer next to the TV.

"It's okay." I say as I sit at my sofa, just admiring her.

"This smells good." She says after sniffing it and then brings it with her and places it at my vanity area. Where all of my accessories and perfumes are placed. "Boujee..." she comments

"Look who's talking... buying an expensive shoes last week just to wear one time." I tease

Her mouth opens. "Hey! That's not my fault. I was in the rush. It's the shoes that fits my dress for the fancy celebration my friend had for her birthday..."

"Whatever you say, babe." I say standing up. "I'm going to make coffee... would you like one?"

"Sure." She rolls her eyes and then goes back to searching, going straight to my room. "Found it!"

What a bummer. She found it to quickly.

"I didn't even noticed that in my room." I say as I pull out two mugs from my cabinet.

"How can you see anything in your room? It's so dark in there..." she makes her way out of my room and then goes to the kitchen area where I am. "Open the curtains every now and then..." she adds

"I do open them...." I pause waiting for her eyes to meet mine. "When you're here..."

She laughs, "you mean... when we have sex?"

I shrug. "Well..." I move closer to her and kisses her on top of her head. "We don't usually just fuck. We cuddle too..."

"Right... cuddling that ends up with sex."

I've been noticing that these past few days she has been very vocal about us having sex. Like what we have is just sex.

She's not like this. I wonder what's going on with her mind?

Whenever we are together, we don't just do sex. No. I'm not like that. Though of course, My body feels like burning whenever we are close and intimate, when we are alone. But when we hang out, we just... hang out. We do watch movies, go on lunch dates, play games, do study dates and whatever we can do. I am not going out with her just because we fuck. I like her more than that.

Which sucks because, yes, I do like her. I... really... really like her. But our situation, our fake dating, well, I don't know where this thing ends. And if she decides to end it, what will happen to me. I don't want it to end.

I wonder, if she's acting like this because she wants us to be over and she's just being kind to me and not wanting me to get hurt. Is she waiting for me to say it? To end... us?

"Seonghwa...?"

"Hmm?"

"You okay? You didn't answer me..."

"Sorry... I am..." I lightly shake my head, "I think I'm still half asleep..."

"Oh. Right." She suddenly panicks. "Sorry for bothering you... I'll get going then... so you can go back to sleep."

She's smiling while telling me that I could go back to sleep. To rest well. Believe me I want to but to see her go after blessing me her presence this early in the morning, No. I can't let her leave, just yet.

"Wait."

She looks back, waiting for me to say a word.

"Ahm..." I have no excuse to make her stay. But then..

"Do you need company?"

Yes. I do. Only you.

She smiles again. "Then I'll go sit here and study then... since its as quiet as our library in Uni." She says as she sits up back at the the bar stool. "Can I have my coffee please?"

I'm relieved. "Yes... coffee coming."

I'm not like this. Usually. Or as far as I know.

I've dated a few girls before. Some were serious some were not. And to those serious relationships I had, none of them felt the same as this. None of them made me feel like this.

All the girl were great, I'm not saying they were not special. They are all nice and perfect the way they are. All of them are great memories for me. However, none of them made me crave for attention nor time on a level that y/n makes me. That even just a glance from her is enough to fuel my day. I feel addicted to her. Y/N made me feel... different.

It is so hard to explain or to put words into it. I just feel it.

"Are you really going to watch me study? You've been sitting there for half an hour now..."

"I can't leave you alone..."

She snorts a laugh. "Silly. Don't mind me. Just go to bed and sleep..."

"I can't..."

She scrunches her nose, "why? Are you expecting me to join you and lay down?" She says giggling

I know she's just teasing. But... what if I take a chance and she agrees?

"Yes." I bluntly answered, looking straight into her eyes.

"Hmm?"

"You heard me." I keep gazing at her, waiting for her answer

"Wait... are you serious?"

I nod.

She is silent for a couple minutes. That two fucking minutes felt like forever.

"If I cuddle with you... you will sleep?" She asks

I can't help it. The corner of my lips immediately curves are smile.

"Okay then."

I got on my bed first before her. She tiptoes whenever she enters my room, because as she said, it's dark. But before I got on the bed, I slightly opened my curtain to allow a bit of light enter so she can see her way.

"Your bed feels so cozy." She says as she positions next to me.

"It's cozier... because I have you." I mumble as I nuzzle my face on her chest and snake my arms around her. Basically cuddling her.

I hear her smile the second I close my eyes.

"You smell so nice..." I whisper

"You too..."

I could feel her soft skin on my cheek. She's wearing a square neck tight shirt which I do not approve since the weather right now is cold and she's only wearing a skirt as well. I should give her a long and thick jacket later, to bring to Uni.

I don't want guy to drool over her.

***

After some time, I think I actually fell asleep. It felt good.

I don't remember what I said or she said after I told her she smell nice. Then probably an hour later, I open my eyes and its brighter. The sun is really up. It is probably noon.

I am facing the ceiling and dazed, thinking she might have left the bed or my place in general. However, to my surprise, I felt movement beside me.

She's still here!

"Can I stay a bit more...?" She mumbles and then squeezes herself to me. "It's so warm in here.."

Of course you can stay here. As long as you want.

I embrace her, sheltering her under my arms. I can see her up close and I could feel her body on me. I am not just warming her up under this thick blanket but she's also warming me, inside.

Fuck. I hope she can't feel my erection coz I can't control my body's reaction to her.

Her cleavage is straight into my eyesight. Y/N you're driving me mad.

"Y/N..."

"hmm...?" She answer while her eyes are still close

"Can I kiss you?"

She slowly opens her eyes and looks up at me. "Of course..." she weakly answers

And I did kiss her. Until the kiss evolved to something more. We made love. She was in control. She made me fall in love with her, even more than I think I am now.

Yes I have to admit it now. I think I do love Y/N. She is not just a fuck buddy I have because I am helping her, for me, she is and can be more than that.

I hope, she feels the same way.

Because, after sex, I got ready for Uni. And when I got out of the bathroom, I saw her reading a text. I know it's from Wooyoung.

Basing on her expression, I'm not sure what does she feel. She looks irritated but also confused. Is she having second thoughts about this revenge we are doing to Wooyoung?

(End of Seonghwa's POV)

***

I am walking out of the library building, about to go to my next class, when I saw Seonghwa from afar. He's with his classmate. Probably going to his next class as well.

So funny, how cold and how serious he looks when he's in public. But whenever you two are at his place, he's so relaxed and smiling most of the time. He's not cold at all. Actually, he's very warm and very...

"Hey..." Wooyoung followed me outside. "Sorry..." he says. "I don't want to be a jerk but..."

"Woo, you're girlfiend might see us. Please... I don't want issues. Let's move on already..."

"Have you?" He is frowning

"Have I what?"

"Moved on?"

I roll my eyes, frustrated. "I am moving on... I am doing my best."

Wooyoung is quiet for a few seconds. "But... Y/N... well... she's not actually my girlfriend."

"What? What do you mean?"

"It didn't work out."

"Ahm... okay... so...?"

He sighs. "Y/N... I am single again."

"So?" I repeat in case he didn't heard me the first time I showed him IDGAF. He looks disappointed with my answer. "Are you fucking expecting me to clap and celebrate? Wooyoung... we are over... and I am not running after you just because you are single."

"But I want us to try again."

"Are you out of your mind?" He makes me laugh. "No. We are over. We can only be civil... because we have common friends. That's it."

I was about to walk away again but then he grabs me by the wrist. "You're making me jealous.. pretending to be with Seonghwa... my friend... and now you're rejecting me?" He looks very lost and very stupid right now. "Y/N, I know I've hurt you... but... it was a mistake... and being away from you..."

"So, you are saying... you, getting bored of me... basically not giving shit about me... then goes to dumping me date someone younger...the one who is more of your type. Is a mistake?? Wooyoung...  I'm not stupid. You all did that on purpose. You decided to do all that... on your own... it's not like an error that you just forget to turn of your stove at home when you left your house. I am a human. With feelings okay?"

"I'm sorry..." he can't deny all of the things I said.

"Wooyoung... you were my friend before we became a couple... that should atleast made you think before you chose to hurt my feelings. Lie to me. Cheat on me." I am really on my feels right now since my hormones is at its peak. "You should've not made me like you... if you think your feelings were not certain... it could've save us time and effort. My time... and effort..." I pointed out.

"I'm sorry... again...."

"If you are really sorry... please... move on... and don't get into another relationship just because you feel like you need someone to be with. You should be better than that."

I turn my back on him, walking away when I see Seonghwa and his friends approaching. I'm sure they didn't heard what Woo and I are talking. I tried my best to be discreet.

"Hey..." Seonghwa lightly touches my forearm, "Are you okay?" He softly asks then glares at Wooyoung who's looking at us. "What did he do?"

"Nothing..." you try to smile. "I have class..." You lie. "See you later."

I've never walked so fast in my life than today. I am having trouble breathing. My feelings are all over the place. I need peace and quiet. Also fresh air.

Even though I am disappointed with what Wooyoung did to me or his choices, I still care for him. He is still or maybe was my friend. I feel guilty saying all those things to him but I also know that he deserves it. He needs to know it. He needs to be a better person. He can't treat me or any girls like this.

Fuck.

"I knew it."

You jump, spinning around to see who spoke. "Seonghwa..."

He enters the rooftop door and shuts it close after. "I've never seen you ran that fast before... even when you are already late in class." He teases

You go back facing towards the fence. "Me too actually..." you inhale and exhale. "I just... had to..."

"What happened?" He asks as he leans his back on the fence, beside you.

"I don't know... he... just..."

"Did he asked you to go back together?"

I nod.

"Did... did you agree?"

I snap my head to him, "are you kidding me? No!" You answer made a smile, form over Seonghwa's lips. "Why are you smiling?"

"Coz... I'm glad you rejected him." Then he takes out his pack of cigarette in his jacket's pocket.

"You... are?"

"Hmm.." he hums and then picks one out of the box using his lips.

"Are you going to smoke now?"

His eyes shakes and then looks at me, "do you want me to not smoke...?"

I look away. I can't ask him to stop. I have no right to. It does not bother me if he does but health wise, I hope stops.

"Y/n... tell me... do you want me to not smoke now or..."

"It's fine. I just..."

He suddenly stands still and move closer. His face is just inches away from mine. "If you tell me to stop... I will..."

"I can't tell you to stop..."

"You can." He insists. "You just have no idea..."

"What?" I didn't get what he means

"Y/N... do you like me?"

"I do." I honestly answer

"But... do you like me more than just a fuck buddy?" He puts back the piece he took in the box. "Coz, I do like you... as in I really.... really like you..."

Wait. Am I hearing him right?!?

I am speechless. I could see the panic in his eyes from me not responding to him. But, I can't speak. I... I have no words... I'm flusttered and flattered at the same time. But... My breathe was taken away by his words.

Fuck. What do I do? I like him too but... I'm scared. What if, we make it official but he get's bored with me like Wooyoung and goes back to his way, dating girls who fits his type.

I am no ones type... I am, just me.

Shit! Y/N, breathe. FUCKING BREATHE. He is not Wooyoung. He is Seonghwa. He is different. He.... he have proven you how different he is.

The years you have been with Wooyoung is not comparable with the months you have been with Hwa. He had given you more than Woo. Emotionally and physically. (Well... especially the Physical part)

But I have to consider that, during our time being together. I grew up. I have changed a little but for the better of me. He does not push me to do or decide on things. He allows me to believe and to try on my own. Even during our sex, I thought I could never lead. I thought I should always be the receiver but he allowed me to explore and make sure I enjoy while I try to please him

Yeah, I kbow what a good example about improvement of life. But fuck. Seonghwa is saying he likes me. The mysterious hot guy from my university.

"Y/n... Look at me..." he asks me, tilting my chin up. "I know you are thinking about... don't worry... I'm not rushing you okay? I just... I'm just asking for you... to take a chance on me, that's alk..." he says, "And if you can't I have to accept it..."

"Really?"

He close is eyes and heavily sighed. "It will fucking hurts I have to admit. But... yeah... If you don't feel the same... I can't do anything about it. Unless, you just want me as your fuck buddy... I'll be willing to be just that."

"Hey!" I slap him on his chest. "You're not just a fuck buddy!" I say

He smiles, "Really?" He then goes on to snaking his arm around my waist. "What am I then?"

I should take a chance right? That's how love works? To know if it is worth it is to... try....

"My man...?" you mumble shyly.

Seonghwa's cheeks are about to explode. It's so out of his chill persona but it does show that he's so happy with my response.

"I promise.... I'll show you what love is... everyday..."

[shadooper]

Hey guys, things are going really bad.

Here's my life update:

So as many of you know my Mom moved down to Florida with her very serious long term boyfriend. He bought the house down here so they could go to Disney together. I had to come with since I cant live alone and couldn't really make money to rent with someone.

Fast forward a bit and my mom loses her job and is suffering from a very long menopause. So things get a bit more stressful. She has no health insurance either. My mom's bf also seems to be less happy about life in general.

In October/November, while my partner was visiting from the UK, my mom's bf decides to break up with her. He establishes he won't kick her out and still wants to be friends, but this wrecks my mom. Her whole idea of what her life would be is destroyed.

She slips into a horrible depression, especially since she soon finds out he got a new gf so quickly after. Just a few weeks ago now she had to visit facility after a very very bad breakdown. Luckily she got some much needed medication. Her ex promises to help and sits down with me and sperately with mom and very genuinely tells us how he's on our side.

Just a few days ago he does something insane. He brings over his new gf, 3 days after my mom left the hospital btw, with no notice. He wanted them to meet to help mom move on or something??? Either way its going as well as it can until mom needs to get her meds from the bedroom that she is still sharing with her ex. The girl goes off on mom for trying to get between them (this apprently was lead up to by us making "a lot of noise on purpose", we were doing the DISHES).

My mom is crying as her ex and this girl procees to have INTERCOURSE in the bed my mom sleeps in and on her blankets while me and my mom are in the house with no way to leave cuz he owns the car and moms shoes are in the room.

After all this mom is furious of course but her ex still doesn't understand "what happened".

We need to get put of this house but we have three cats , mom has bad credit, and no money and I'm disabled. I'm terrified and betrayed by someone I thought I trusted. I dont know what to do.

I might need to ask yall for help with this by starting a fundraiser or something im not sure.

So if anyone is looking for room mates on the east coast let me know please.

(I'm sorry for such a large stressful dump.)

[ma1dita]

Even though Luke doesn’t cheat on Trouble, I listen to Burn from Hamilton and imagine these two post tlt bc yes i like the pain,, no i don’t need therapy, officer 😀

girl the way this is probably canon anyway bc in the trouble!verse luke is a Hamilton Hater ™ and trouble was known to be singing songs from the musical with her ex-bf

im DYINGGGG but damn if you go to therapy hop in we can carpool

sidenote there's still a lot that can relate in the lyrics and im bored rn so lets feed into the delusion for a bit (guys I'm a fic writer who peaked in the 2010s in the age of bad youtube fan recreations of songs to fit their otps... i know how to work with scraps)

She said, "Be careful with that one, love , "He will do what it takes to survive" // You and your words flooded my senses, Your sentences left me defenseless, You built me palaces out of paragraphs, You built cathedrals // I'm re-reading the letters you wrote me, I'm searching and scanning for answers in every line, For some kind of sign, And when you were mine // The world seemed to burn, Burn

Mr. D warned her from the beginning about Luke, even silently in 'play pretend' because she was becoming more like her old self (reckless and crazy, just like him) when she was falling in love with Luke, and it isn't a bad thing but definitely takes away fro what her and Luke have been working at as THE counselors of CHB. Luke's always been good with words as a son of Hermes to the point that it even fools Trouble to some extent, there comes a point where her as an amazing actress can't tell when he's lying---and he learned that from her...

You published the letters she wrote you, You told the whole world, How you brought this girl into our bed, In clearing your name, You have ruined our lives // Do you know what Angelica said, When she read what you'd done?, She said, "You've married an Icarus, "He has flown too close to the sun" // You and your words obsessed with your legacy, Your sentences border on senseless, And you are paranoid in every paragraph, How they perceive you, You, you, you!

this made me giggle OKAY HEAR ME OUT LMFAOOOO ever since they got together (in the span of a little over a year before his betrayal), they always sleep in the same bed when they can as mentioned in 'now that we're older' because they barely have time to themselves in the day....when 'when the chaos is through' is posted, that's when Luke agrees to side with Kronos in his ultimate belief to protect Trouble from impending war and eventually give her a better life outside of CHB. (imagine kronos dressed as eliza schuyler and we're set because luke essentially brings him to bed with them for half of their relationship and she doesn't know LMFAOOOOO) and well yeah yall know his decline after TLT but he's in too deep to fall back

I'm erasing myself from the narrative, Let future historians wonder how Eliza reacted, When you broke her heart, You have torn it all apart // I'm watching it burn, Watching it burn, The world has no right to my heart, The world has no place in our bed, They don't get to know what I said, I'm burning the memories, Burning the letters that might have redeemed you // You forfeit all rights to my heart, You forfeit the place in our bed, You'll sleep in your office instead, With only the memories of when you were mine //I hope that you burn

The beginning part reminds me of the confrontation scene in 'love is a blister' where the counselors put Trouble on trial for loving Luke---the reality of it is they and everyone at camp only know what Luke & Trouble have shown them, but everything between them is private and their own. They didn't expect him to leave her behind. There are a lot of references throughout the series and especially in 'solipsism' where his last time alive as his waning sense of self he goes to visit Trouble who's fresh from visiting Annie in 'love is a blister' and he literally is burning through his old self as kronos overtakes his body. He couldn't imagine not being able to say goodbye before becoming true vessel and well in TLO, teeeechnically what happens and what i plan to write i--[GUNSHOTS]

me saying scraps and then copy pasting almost the whole damn song... ive said too much. this was entertaining, how'd I do?

[luviestarz]

enhypen pt 6

GOOD 4 U ! - jungwon

SYNOPSIS in which you’re DEFINITELY not upset that your ex moved on really easily (spoiler alert: you are!). Yang Jungwon, the student council president is glad your ex moved on because it’s time for him to shoot his shot (just not in the way he wanted.. a win is a win in his book!)

[midnight thoughts: jungwon + the sublime]

synopsis: after an arduous battle, jungwon isn't sure if he's going to make it, but he has to say something before he goes.

KNOCK , KNOCK . . . lhs

୨୧ KISS IT BETTER — n. riki badboy!nishimura riki

ENHA HYUNG LINE! --- first time blowjob w reader!

┈➤ I LIKE YOU SO MUCH!!! (when ENHYPEN like you...)

ceo sunghoon who loves taking care of you because you're his ౨ৎ

박성훈 、SECRET NEVER KEPT

sunghoon likes getting detentions.

이희승 、PRETTY GIRL bsf!heeseung, hints at friends with benefits

Push My Buttons | L.HS

synopsis: lee heeseung has been hired as your personal security by your father. you and him don't see eye to eye, so when tensions rise at your best friends party, you both know how to push each others buttons.

against the wall 𓈒 ݁ ₊

syn. literally just kisses against the wall with enhypen :’>

sunghoon with a crush on you | smau

ENHYPEN AS KINDS OF LOVE. ────𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝖺𝖿𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇

— ONE THING BEFORE YOU LEAVE - heeseung

scoring a date - sunghoon

description: if someone had told you that after becoming your high school's volleyball team manager, you would capture the attention of it’s captain, park sunghoon, you wouldn’t have believe them. but as he charm’s his way to your heart, you just might.

박성훈 、PRETTY FACE - sunghoon

all the trouble sunghoon gets himself in lands him in your arms.

we can’t be friends — [ 엔하이픈 성훈 ] genre ⋆ smut - sunghoon

☆ KISSES WITH ENHYPEN

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ that feeling when - ni-ki

synopsis: in which a simple moment in time makes you realize your forever feelings towards your best friend.

HELMET . . . lhs

warnings! skinship, cuts/wounds (?), biker hee

PRETTY U — a lee heeseung social media au

précis ୨ৎ there is a lot of things heeseung knows about is brother; he is not as cool as he is, he talks in his sleep, he is annoying but most importantly— he has a very pretty best-friend, who always comes to visit him during spring break.

이희승 、DINE AT HOME - heeseung

bf!heeseung, established relationship

DOWN BAD ENHYPEN AS YOUR EX BF

┊NOW OUT. two boyfriends dress them up like twins. (psh x afab!reader x kjw)

┊synopsis. youre the head basketball cheerleader at your university and just so happen to be hooking up with the captain of the basketball team, yang jungwon. you may also be hooking up with the co-captain and jungwon’s best friend, sunghoon. what’s the worst that could happen?

crush!enha confessing through chocolates!

tides of regret | heeseung

summary: in the year since heeseung first rejected your love confession, you've tried everything to get over him. a trip to europe makes you realize you miss your former best friend more than anything, and it makes heesenug realize he's got it all wrong.

ENHYPEN FIC REC MASTERLIST

pictures in my phone

「synopsis」 : taking suggestive photos with them turns into a bit... more

Another Man Paying for Your Nails

𓆉 Summary: A kind gentlemen pays for your nails and you decide out of the kindness of your heart to give your boyfriend his money back

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ FORBIDDEN ATTRACTION ┊ LEE HEESEUNG

SUMMARY┊if anyone was more popular than you at hogwarts, that person had to be lee heeseung – the young quidditch prodigy who has every girl at his feet and every boy following him like his puppies.

Ignore and post!?

wherein, you ignore them for the whole day and post a fine pic of yourself

𓈒 ENHYPEN REACTION WHEN SOMEONE FLIRTS WITH YOU ˒

[hontou-baka]

relationship ranting idk

blurgh i hate when im slapped with similarities between my ex and my current bf

I got married without a wedding, or rings, or anything traditional, to my ex so I could use my own tax info for school (plus it seemed like a safe risk in a seven year long relationship lmao). The semantics of it were clearly unimportant to my ex (i had to buy us both rings, and again, no wedding) and i felt embarrassed bc those things are important to me, so we never told anyone about getting married really.

Now that I'm close to getting the divorce done before baby comes, my bf is talking marriage. But in the same "just for the legal benefits" way. And i do want to get married... And i know it would help his taxes and whatnot... But my heart breaks thinking about doing the exact same dumb thing again, and idk i can make myself do it. Like... Sorry, prove im important enough to you to spend a couple hundred on a cute ring, get some photos of us taken together, hell even if he saved money for a nice elopement trip thats fine! I feel like aggretsuko with the donkey guy... Tadase? Idk i dont remember. Im sorry im kind of basic but as a cisgendered white woman that was raised mormon, ive dreamed about a beautiful wedding and feeling loved and celebrated since childhood... I think i should stand my ground on this :/

Another thing. Both have sleep issues and expect me to get up with them in the morning to help them get ready so they can sleep in as much as possible. And im made to feel bad about it if i complain because i dont have sleep issues. Im sorry you havent bothered your whole adult life to find a way to manage with your sleep problems, and im happy to make you food while you shower here and there, but that should not just be expected of me! And its not reciprocated! Its not like i make him get up with me, i would just leave him be and let him sleep because... I love him? Want him to be comfy? Ugh.

While im venting, ADHD IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT DO CHORES REGULARLY!!!!! I DONT CARE!!!!! IF HIM AND I DONT WORK OUT IM GONNA HAVE ADHD BE A RED FLAG I SWEAR TO GOD BC EVERYONE I KNOW W IT REFUSES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LIVE WITH IT!!!! Im getting beyond furious that he has to be asked FOR EVERY. LITTLE. THING. You eat and use dishes. You put your dishes with the other dirty dishes. Thus. YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE PILE OF DIRTY DISHES... MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. YOU CANNOT USE THE "OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND" EXCUSE IN OUR TINY ROOM!!!! YOU CAN *SEE* THE FULL LAUNDRY BASKET THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU!!!! YOU CAN SEE THE GOD DAMN CHORE CHART TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU I MADE SO YOU COULDNT USE THE "BUT IDK WHAT TO DOOO OR HOW TO HEEELP" EXCUSE!!!!! YOU CAN SMELL WHEN THE CAT TAKES A HUMAN SIZED SHIT AND KNOW YOU NEED TO SCOOP TOMORROW!!!!!! YOU!!!! JUST!!!!! DONT!!!!!!! *WANT TO*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the funniest fucking thing is i TRULY wouldnt mind having a more "traditional" setup, id be fine doing 90% of the chores if he even worked 20 hours/wk consistently. But im thinking as soon as i feel recovered from birth i want to find a job myself because he just lets his anxiety win too much and cant hold a job, and i have actual goals in life lmao 🤪🤪🤪 but if i made him a stay at home parent im sure id be coming home to a world of frustration (things that need done never being done). Im just at the end of my rope bc with chronic mental and physical health issues, i get he cant do what most people can (same goes for me, not as severe on the physical side tho) but god it so often feels like weaponized incompetence. And i think it partially is. Ive talked to him about this over and over and it always ends with "just tell me or ask... Even though you shouldn't have to..." BUT THATS THE POINT!!!! IM NOT GONNA BEG YOU TO HELP ME KEEP OUR LIVING QUARTERS NOT MISERABLE, MAN!!!!! USE YOUR EYES AND YOUR HEAD!!!!

I joked about banning war thunder for a week post birth and he seemed shocked id even think about asking him to not game for a week (his only hobby/leisure activity). Idk.

ok that feels better i guess ill get back to my mashed potatoes

[rebel--hearts]

Hi! I’m the anon with the theory. (Also quick apology if this is a bit of a mess)

Spoilers for about all the books in this so read with caution!

.

.

.

Ok so the theory is that the Rafal in Rise, isn’t the same person in the main SGE series. Me and my friend have found proof that it is actually RHIAN I posing as him.

The ending of Rise is what sparked this theory for a friend. We worked together to gather evidence.

Evidence:

Their eye colors change. Rafal has green and Rhian I has blue on the cover of Rise. On the new book it is swapped. The only description of their eye color I can find in Rise is them being described as “light”, I really do not think this is an accident.

The past is present and the present is past. In ACOT Japeth kills Rhian II. Then he masquerades as him tricking the entirety of the endless words. Which would be repeating history.

The SM’s riddle. I’m book 1, the SM tells Sophie and Agatha the infamous riddle “What can Evil never have that Good can’t live without?” Guess who says this, Rhian I. He does in Rise while teaching the good deed’s class after Dean Mayberry leaves.

The Tedros cosplay. In TLEA, “Rafal” comes to propose to Sophie and wears something different each time. He specifically says he thought acting like her ex BF (Tedros) might get her to accept his ring. It screaming insecurity. In Rise Rafal does not have insecurities really. He almost seems as if he has let the power go to his head a little bit. But, Rhian is pretty insecure, especially without his brother for those few months he left him.

The way Rafal acts is just so different. Either he goes through something really bad and completely changed his personality or the SGE “Rafal” isn’t really him.

this next piece of evidence goes along with book 1 quotes:

“And i’d agatha is not a princess and Sophie is not a witch, then clearly I’ve got it wrong and you don’t belong in our world at all,” he said, pace slowing. “Maybe what everyone says about me is true after all.”

“That you’re good?” Sophie said.

“That i’m old,” the School Master sighed out the window.

He ignores the question of him being good. Since, if what we are accusing of him to be true he wouldn’t be Good. Plus, only Rhian I would care THIS MUCH about being OLD.(Since he grew up thinking he was an ever)

Anyways, thank you for taking a look at this. Me and my friend have came to the conclusion that either

A. This theory is correct

or

B. Rafal goes through some really bad shit and completely changed the attitude he has before.

oooh I really like this theory, I think it makes a lot of sense! def wouldn't be surprised if this turned out to be what happens

[rainninpain]

My boyfriend of four years cheated on me and thr only reason I ever found out was because he paid this female for sex it was a regular thing between them for several years before he met me. Ive been struggling for awhile with my mental health and was actually in the hospital when he fucked this bitch. He didn't pay her all of what he owed so she messaged me to tell me what they did and to tell me her youngest kid was his.

Before the revelation of cheating came about I handed him my phone one night so he could look something up, I was grooming my dog. He not only looked up what we needed he went to my texts messages and looked for messages between another ex bf and a former fiance. There were inappropriate messages from them talking about sex but there was never any acting on it as opposed to be actually physically got with this chick.

Anyhow for months and months he tried to find more and more ways to make me that bad guy when he crossed the physical line. I never denied those texts were inappropriate in a relationship, but he found ways to continuously find ways to read my emails and messages. First i locked the phone, than my tablet, than my car from when my phone was on blue tooth and than finally my smart watch.

I had been sexually assaulted and he didnt seem to care he pressured me more and more about how we werent habing sex and he needed intimacy and blah blah. He brought this shit up over and over for two years. I asked him repeatedly to table the conversation about our sex life and intimacy but he wouldnt.

Two weeks ago I called him out on the fact that he rarely listened to me when talking to him about anything. He didn't say anything. I asked him how often he was talking to the chick he fucked he said rarely. I already knew that was a lie but wanted him to be honest and he wasn't. Than i saw she was coming to town to visit whatever family she has here and i asked him and he lied again. He than got pissed off at me for telling him she couldnt come in our home nor was i going to allow him to take our vehicle to go see her and/or give her a ride. He laughed and called me dumb.

I asked what normal woman would be ok with their partner talking too and hanging out with the woman they cheated with?! He said probably none.

A week goes buy and I am no longer able to fight with him.about this but asked why he can't just be honest. The next night he sends me a text message, couldnt even tell me in person that he isnt in love with me and hasnt been and all this other fucked up shit. We just bought a $500,000 home and hes planning to move out and take the only car we have and leave me fucked. Tonight he tells me his pos alcoholic former bestfriend got his army disability money and he will be leaving even sooner cus the friend owes him $10,000. I asked if he told Josh we aren't together and he says yeah and wtf does it matter since Josh and I dont even speak anymore. I had to deal with Josh's shit for almost 2 years because of my bf. Josh is an alcoholic and caused so many issues.

This is not the first time Justin hurt me i nearly died in 2017 because of him and a friend bullying me. I NEVER should have trusted him again but I have bpd and didn't want to be alone and he promised he would never hurt me again and yet thats all he has done. My dad died 4 May 2021 and my mom 19 April 2022. So i have had nothing but fucked up shit for awhile now. Which is why my mind goes to the darkest and impulsive places. I hate life more and more everyday. My mom was my bestfriend and we were there for eachother and never abandoned. Now not only she is gone but my dad to and I am alone in this world because I trusted someone I shouldn't have. A pos like him. I should have known better....here i am alone in an expensive house with tons of pets a place I thought i would be happy because we bought it and got this specifically for my mom becauae it is handicap accessible but she died two months after moving in.

I truly no longer care about anyone and anything. The more I allow myself to feel things the more pain I end up in. I just want it all to stop. SI is on my mind constantly. The method I'd use so it would guarantee no coming back. The other times I called my doctor and she called 911.

I'm a fucking idiot and an absolute failure at everything. I can't even work because my mental health. I quit working after my first suicide attempt on 7 February 2016. That attempt was the worst of all and I wasn't expected to make it. Why I did I have no clue. I guess I was a puece of shit person in another life and this is KARMA or maybe its just karma for all the shit ive done my entire life.

I always want to help people and everything I ever did that was good never happened in other peoples eyes. I am the villain. I sacrificed half my life to take care of my addict sisters kids and yet my plder sister who actually did the fucked up shit before and after the kids mom died gets all the credit for everything I did. Thats an entire other situation but it all culminates to now and what I am dealing with. I don't know or understand why everyone hates me, why they abandon me, why the hurt me, what is wrong with me?!? I don't belong on this Earth. All I have is constant unbearable pain from loss, grief, depression, anxiety, sadness, trauma, ptsd, bpd, bipolar. What is the point in continuing to live this miserable life?! No one misses me. No one even talked to me at my mothers funeral.not even the other siblings!

[charpository24]

My ex-partner found out I'm on Hinge.

I'm pretty freaked out about it. A lot led up to make me feel this way or think these thoughts, but earlier I was driving after walking out on my bible study group and a huge part of me wanted to wrap myself around the incoming lampposts or trees. Though I already texted my friend I'd be coming over.

So, I'm safe.

It's 11:36 pm so I don't really know how much detail I'm gonna get into or how sound I'm gonna be, but whatever. Here goes.

How did it all go down?

PART 1:

> show up to bible study

> two members come in, they're tense about something

> one of them is ex-partner's protective cousin and used to be my bff, heavy shit there

> atmosphere is kind of uncomfortable

> ex comes in

> conversation is happening, generally lighthearted but I'm internally freaking out cause he's avoiding eye contact and ignoring me

> I'm an anxious genius so of course I'm stewing.

> I finally just speak up and throw a "I'm sorry, I have to go"

> leave.

PART 2:

> I'm getting into my car and I saw that ex has run after me, door is open and he + cousin comes to check on me.

> TALK TLDR:

cousin:

- we're here for you

- how can we help

bf:

- wants to talk with me privately

PART 3:

> ex gets into car with me

> TALK TLDR:

- r u ok

- he's ok, some days good some days bad.

- he wasn't avoiding eye contact cause he hated me, just unsure what to do

- found out from someone that I was on hinge.

-> can't police me, ofc it threw him but he's worried I might continue my toxic relationship cycle again

- I explain I'm not looking for a relationship. Just did it cause I technically could.

- do you love me still? miss me?

- maybe there will be a second chance in the future? -> (I do not confirm this.)

- are you in anguish cause you regret breaking up with me and miss the relationship? -> no

- why? -> I feel like a horrible person (more on that later)

- can we hug? -> sigh

-> hug is long. there's something behind it. he loves me still and I can feel it.

PART 4:

> I ask if I can leave. I don't want to go back to the bible study group after exiting so abruptly.

> exits the car with another hug.

> impaired driving (CRYING)

> drive to bestie -> talk -> pet stupid dog -> fill gas -> profit

---

Here are some thoughts.

- I'm feeling quite suffocated living in... the lower mainland surrounded by people who've watched me grow up. People watch closely. Should I move away? How?

- I left my old church community. the news of the breakup is spreading like wildfire. I hate being perceived.

- extra anxious about exposure. Deleted hinge cause I know people are gonna spread shit.. news got to him so fucking fast. It really made me think of k*lling myself because I felt like I couldn't do anything

- first "adult"/mature relationship

- other exes gave me a reason to hate them, moved on fast

- i still love and care for him. he's a really really fucking good person.

- I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON

- ex is still in love with me. I can tell he still wants to continue the relationship. I don't deserve it.

- I hooked up with someone on Hinge (he doesn't know that... I wouldn't disclose it)

- he's been giving me so much grace given that I broke his heart and initiated the breakup.

- he wanted to get married and I'm sitting here being a hoe

- I've just made a mess of myself.

- He's sat through the worst mental health episodes I've had and loved me through it. Still does. I ended the relationship cause I'm selfish.

- our relationship started shortly after my previous one ended. people were quick to point out it was a rebound on my end. Funny how things turned out, I've broken his heart.

- I did all this to him. and he is genuinely the best natured and well-intentioned person I've met. It's insane to me how hard I fumbled the bag and there is so much fucking wrong with me and my mental state.

Here is the combined rebuttal of myself and bestie after talking:

- hinge

- still exploring. I broke up bc idk what I want, and by going on hinge im exploring

- I'm technically allowed to, + it's none of his business or his friends

- extra grace from my ex is something I should be thankful for so I have room to grow

- you have to 'like' the person + their company more than you love them to sustain a relationship forever

- near the end of the relationship, it looked like I was living and in it for him and not for myself to be happy with him (? if that makes sense)

- I tried really, really fucking hard to make it work

-> felt like something was wrong with me the whole fucking time. it's painful.

- still have to love yourself and put yourself first

-> who else will be there for you if not you first????????

-> priority avenue to explore over pouring all my love into a relationship and neglecting self

---

Anyway I summed it up in note form cause I have no fucking finesse. I'm tired and sad and feeling better, grounded and not trying to k*ll myself now.

Figuring out how to proceed without cutting every single tie I have.

The opinion I have on myself being a terrible person runs really deep. I'm not really proud of myself or my achievements or the things I worked hard for. The feelings of pride or happiness don't really register, and I don't have it in me to celebrate when others tell me to. Because of my mental health, lacklustre functioning, relationship issues and my struggle to maintain friendships, I genuinely felt like a curse on the earth. I really really thought and felt like it would be better off without me. I know it sounds dramatic as fuck but I can't tell you that the earth is better with me.

[wolfyfoxyhedgy]

Has anybody ever made a Christmas movie that made us think it’s going to be those hallmark/romcom movies but it has a twist?

(I thought of this last year)

I imagine the first half of the movie will start like those hallmark movies but the other half it somewhat a poor decision from the main female-lead, this will be my little ideas for this movie.

The MF, her friend (female), and her boyfriend all worked at the same high-business company, the MF has to go to do a charity at a small town in a different state. (this part has been done ALOT)

Instead of making the boyfriend a jerk, make him a loving caring boyfriend (a good catch) that loves his GF and wants to go help her with the charity but he has to stay to help run a parade for another charity (toys for poor kids, donno)

Beginning half of the movie goes like any other movies (FM got to town, meets a hot guy, spend time in the town, falling for the hot guy she barely knew for couple of days)

MF phone calls her friend and tell her she’s seeing this hot guy, friend reminds her she’s already had a loving BF and not to cheat on him (obviously MF ignores her friend and continues to see the hot guy)

Hot guy job is selling Christmas trees, he mentioned he out of a relationship with his ex (this will come back later).

BF comes to town to surprise MF and brought her family, his family, their friends to spend Christmas together so she doesn’t have to send it alone. (he bought all of them plain tickets with his hardworking money and plans to make a little Christmas play featuring her little cousins for all of them to enjoy)

FM pulls the most BS thing and ruins the play by announcing she’s been seeing another man, wants to leave her job, and stay in the town; she also will cut contact with anybody who doesn’t agree with her decision (all the families and friends don’t approve it), she tell them to leave and never come back (never let her cousins do their little play).

Months later, we see how MF is doing and it’s not that good. She works a poor job (waitress, cleaning lady, donno), she lives in the hot guys crappy trailer, and she’s the only one with a job (hot guy is now jobless after his Christmas job)

After getting home from her job she found Hot guy in bed with his ex (they got back together) and he kick MF out of the trailer.

In a motel room, MF wonders what went wrong with her life (she forgot she chose to cheat). She receives an invitation on her phone from her ex (the party is in the grandparent’s house and the ex want to do a “redo” Christmas party), he having a party with his family, her family, and friends (he’s a good friend to her family, he also payed for a plan ticket for her).

She’s feels guilty for not talking/seeing her family and friends for a year but decided to see how they been.

When she got the party, none of her friends and family members don’t talk to her (they still remember what she did last Christmas, she hasn’t talk to them for a year, and ruined her cousin’s play they have been looking forward to do).

The (ex)BF and the friend been together after he got dump by MF and just got married, he became the new CEO/Manager at the company. (He did finally got to be with someone who doesn’t treat him bad).

While MF is moping outside, grandma came to talk to her, telling her Christmas may be to find “magical romance” but it’s also the time to spend love ones and people who care about you. (You know the talk in every Christmas movie)

MF gets everyone’s attention (everyone thinks she might pull another BS) and she said she’s sorry for being an idiot and what she did (to the families, friends, her Ex, and her cousins)

Everyone forgives her and continue to celebrate Christmas together.

If there’s a Christmas movie like this please give the name, thanks for reading this.

[surroundedbythings]

I feel like writing tonight.

So.. I am currently drowning in anxiety.

But this one, I think I can handle it.

As I talk about how I feel right now, I want to share you some of the important things that I’ve learned from my life recently.

First of all, life, is not easy bro.

I’ll tell you my story.

2 years ago, I started the best relationship I’ve ever had in my entire life.

It was like a dream come true. He loves me so much, and I loved him too. We were madly in love with each other, I was head over heels over him, he was head over heels over me.

I had my first sex with this person, and I don’t regret it.

I know that he loves me so much, and that he loves every inch of my body.

Being in love with this person was magical. I feel like that kind of love should be illegal because of how romantic it was.

Did we have fights over each other? Did we argue a lot?

Yes, of course.

But those things didn’t break us apart because we literally conquered everything with the powerful love that we had for each other.

My love story was like a movie with him.

And it went on and on.. until 2 years passed.

One day, I met someone that is way older than me, so old that he reminds me of my dad.

The first time I met him, I went with my boyfriend at the time.

I bet he has no idea who I’m talking about right now. Haha.

But yeah, as time goes by, I fell in love with this old guy.

He was so manly, he was doing something that made me feel like he’s the most gentleman person I’ve ever seen in my life.

To be f*cking honest, I didn’t expect that I would fall for anyone at that moment, because I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP THERE.

But just like that, I lost my feelings for my bf at the time, and I started liking this old man.

Believe it or not, I was denial about my feelings for this old man.

Why? Because HE IS SO DAMN OLD. That was like one of the weirdest shit that has ever happened to me, because, that was my first time having a crush over someone that is way more than 10 years older than me. I couldn’t even believe myself.

But the more I deny my feelings over him, the more I thought about him. The more I fell for him. And I started feeling bad for my boyfriend at the moment, so I decided to break up with him.

Was it so cruel of me leaving him? Yes.

Was it so bitchy of me doing that? Yes.

Was it so selfish of me? Yes.

Was it so evil of me to leave someone just like that? Yes.

But you know what?

I had no choice.

I had no choice because I suddenly lost every feeling that I have for him. I just couldn’t feel it anymore.

So I thought to myself, “what should I do? what should i say? how can i explain all of this?”

That was a very mixed feelings moment.

I didn’t know how to act, what to say, and how to express myself to him.

But that time, everything just goes like how the water flows, I decided to admit everything, I said every single thing that is true about my feelings, I said I don’t love him anymore, and I said I love someone else. And then just like that, our magical relationship have ended.

You know what? Now I lost feelings for this old man.

And turned out it was just a stupid crush.

And no, I didn’t fall in love with this old man.

Now I question myself, “So what was that about? I broke up just because of this?”

I questioned this all the time until now I have the answer.

This is all a life-lesson.

I’ll tell you right now;

No matter how powerful your love is for someone, no matter how special you are for someone, you don’t have control over your love story.

So who’s in control?

This is going to sound cheesy but, yes you know it, it’s God.

God knows what is best for you. God rules everything, even your personal life.

So how do I know that it’s all because of God?

When I was in the relationship with my ex, it was so good that I forgot God exists. I abandoned my relationship with God, and yes I prayed sometimes, but I didn’t prioritize Him.

When I was dating my ex, I felt so comfortable that I felt like I don’t need to do anything for myself. All I wanted to do was staying at home with my ex, doing stuff that is not productive, and I was not having any progress in my life.

Almost everything I did, was about him, with him, or for him.

And now I understand, God didn’t like that because He felt betrayed by me.

Now that I broke up with him, I feel so much change in my life.

I feel stronger.

I feel unstoppable.

I feel productive.

I feel precious.

I feel so fuckin grateful.

And yes, I feel happy.

Not always, but at least this one is not because of someone else, but I’m happy because of me.

Now, some of my dreams and manifestations has come true.

I have my own business now that I dreamed of for a long time.

I finished my bachelor degree.

I got closer with my family.

I love myself more.

I feel closer to God.

I am fucking grateful and happy.

And do I still have bad times?

Of course honey. It’s life, duh.

But what makes me a different person now?

I am not weak anymore. I know how to act. I have my own commitment for myself.

Being responsible for your life is so important.

When something is trying to hold or stop you from growing, reaching your dreams, having better relationship with God,

then let it go.

Know what’s best for you in reality.

Don’t do it for the sake of lust.

Go out of your fucking comfort zone.

One fact right here;

If you want to achieve something big, you have to lose something that is big for you too.

At this life, we can’t carry everything all at once.

Carry the ones that is best for you, for your future, for your own good.

Know that you have to do sacrifices. And know that sacrifice is not easy.

I had to sacrifice my love for my ex, because I wanted to grow.

If I follow my lust now, I’d probably go back to him.

But do I want to do that?

Do I want to go back to that lifestyle?

No.

Does it hurt letting things go?

Yes.

But will it be worth it one day?

Fuck yes. Hell yes.

So if you’re reading this, my ex, or whoever you are,

I need you to promise me one thing, okay?

Promise me that you will always put yourself first over everything. Okay?

You’re your own hero.

You’re your own superhero.

And who do you lean to?

Lean to God.

Tell Him everything.

Tell Him your happiness, your sadness, your dreams, what you want to achieve.

Follow His way, obey Him.

He’s the only one who is going to love you endlessly.

My love for you was so perfect, but it was temporary.

So look for God, thank Him everything.

I just wish that you love yourself more than everyone else in this world.

I just wish that you’re stronger now.

I just wish that you achieve your goals.

I just wish that you make your parents proud.

Your feelings for me, it will disappear.

The only thing that will never be gone is the love that God has for you.

Thank you for being a part in my life.

You were so good, so amazing.

I will always remember how special our relationship was.

I hope that we live better lives now.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

L :)

[keenzinemugstudent]

So I re-watched Twilight and can I say there's a lot of issues that needs to be said

Bella and Edward are not something that kids or teenagers need to think that's romantic their relationship is not healthy and it's not something that kids need to be thinking it's normal that's not a relationship anyone should be having honestly also I don't like Bella the minute she knew that Edward was watching her sleep can you say creepy!? And how she get a big ass paper cut by opening a gift? Then her boyfriend just throws her to the wall making her bleed even more great idiot! Than he left her in the fucking woods! You could have just broken up with her in her house why did you have to take her so far in the woods just to break off your relationship??

Mouths go than she goes to see jake this poor kid she was just using Jacob just to put herself in danger just so she can see Edwards ghost or whatever and then she started having feelings for him which I was happy about cause bitch getting over her ex but then Edwards life in danger she leaves to save him come back and just dropped Jacob after telling him that she loves him that's honestly fucked up bro in the fact I noticed that when she's with Jacob like she's happier like she shows more emotion when she's with Edward she just looks sad? She shows emotion but she doesn't show it as much as when she's with Jacob.

Also when Edward did not tell Bella about his family and the pack chasing Victoria honestly I would have been pissed off because she's here trying to kill me so I deserve to know what the hell is going on I don't want to be out of town for my safety you better tell me what the hell's going on so I can know everyone's fine don't keep secrets Edward you brought her into your world don't hide any damn secrets now! I like Leah Clearwater I feel bad for her because not only did Sam imprint on her cousin but now she's a wolf and she's forced to be with them and see them be all lovey-dovey like wow that's gotta hurt, also Seth is so sweet!

Imprinting uh I didn't have an issue with it till I found out they can imprint on kids...wtf? They say it can be brother or guardian or lover but then I found out that Quil and Jacob imprinted on little kids wasn't it bad enough that they turn into wolves and have to control their anger so they don't accidentally hurt anyone but now they have no choice but the imprint with a random stranger even kids!?

Jacob forcing a kiss on Bella made me want to slap him apparently from what one of my friends told me in the book Charlie congratulated Jacob for basically assaulting his daughter...Charlie wtf man I understand you want your daughter and your best friend's son together cause you hate her bf but the kid kissed your daughter against her will! You better get on his ass for that shit! And I feel bad for Rosalie her backstory was just heartbreaking glad she got revenge on those bastards! Also, Jasper's back story was just yikes dude was a confederate soldier he was my favorite too I love his and Alice relationship I'm honestly mad that we did not see anybody else's backstory I love listening to the legends of the Quileute's fucked they called mutts and dogs who tf wants to be called that. Bella is an idiot she's getting married to Edward and then she tells Jacob to kiss her because he's upset that he found out that they're getting married the whole thing is crazy! I honestly just wish that Jacob would just get over her and see that she's not the one for him I understand that he does not want her to be a vampire but that's her choice but babygirl could careless bout what you think her life should be! Glad that the war is over I'm at the Young vampire girl Bree was killed because she was just a kid man I felt bad for her damn vultori, Glad the army dead glad Victoria is dead I feel bad for Jacob for getting his bones broken by that vampire and having to have them re-broken just so they can heal right feel bad for Charlie because Bella and Edward is going to tell him that they're going to get married and you know that's going to break his heart he doesn't want to see his daughter getting married to the man who left and broke her heart gonna have to reread the books causes I know they're a lot more fucked up shit in there

[just--another--daydreamer]

Close to you

» Izuku Midoriya x male reader

» Angst with some fluff » Requested (by anon): I need a fix of desperate, angsty fluff with Izuku. Maybe his hero bf recklessly goes after a villain alone and gets captured, so Pro-hero Deku has to rush to his rescue, scared of what he might find. » Warnings: mentions of religion at the beginning; dissociation; anxiety; overthinking; smoking; emetophobia; descriptions of blood & gore; mentions of death » Words: ~3.5k

You can find a link to my Masterlist etc in my bio and pinned post

Midoriya had never been one to pray to any gods for a wish. To him, it often felt selfish – after all, there were people who needed help more desperately than he did and they should receive it first. Even during his darkest moments, he had never even thought about praying, he had always known that he could rely on his own strength as well as his friends.

However, this time, his hands trembled as he put them together in a manner meant for praying. With his eyes closed and head lowered, Midoriya tried to think of a way to phrase his prayer but no right wording would come to his mind – in the end, he only stared at the dark behind his closed eyelids, incomprehensible thoughts filling his mind.

“Izuku.” A firm grip on his shoulder pulled Midoriya from his thoughts. It caught him off-guard, and he almost prepared himself for an attack before he recognized the person who stood before the bench Midoriya sat on. “Oh Shouto, it’s you!” Midoriya sighed in relief at the sight of his friend. “I’m sorry if I scared you, but the meeting should start very soon, and I didn’t want to miss the chance to talk to you before the others are here.” They were still the only ones in the bright yet depressing hallway of the hero agency that Deku currently worked at, and after taking a quick look at his watch, Midoriya figured that it would still take the other heroes a few minutes to get there. “Sure, what is it?” The light smile that had adorned Todoroki’s lips from when he had just greeted Midoriya vanished again and was replaced by a deep, concerned frown.

“I don’t think you should be leading this mission, Izuku, but someone else should do it,” Todoroki’s voice sounded just as concerned as he looked. “To be frank I would not even want you to participate in this rescue at all, but I don’t think that I could ever stop you from that.” Midoriya took a moment to think about his fellow pro hero’s words. It had already taken him all the self-control he had to not immediately run after you to save you, so he had to be on this mission. Though, he had to admit that due to the personal feelings toward this mission, his judgement might be off, so having someone else lead it would probably put them at an advantage.

“When you’re saying, ‘someone else’, do you mean yourself?” he inquired, and Todoroki nodded in confirmation. Midoriya took a few seconds to consider the proposal. Down the hall, he could hear the rest of the team for the rescue mission approach them. “Alright, let’s do it!”

The small conference room was unusually quiet. There was no happy catching up with one another, no euphoric reunions after not seeing each other for a few months. A pressing silence filled the room like thick, heavy fog as the ex-class 1A students Midoriya, Todoroki, Iida, Kirishima and Uraraka sat around the table, eyes fixed on their hands and the files in front of them. The only words that had been spoken were words of solidarity towards Midoriya, which he appreciated.

While Todoroki opened the meeting by greeting everyone and thanking them for coming, Midoriya stared down at his hands. The skin on his fingertips around the nails was reddened, a side effect of his anxious habit of biting his fingernails. Midoriya thought that he had gotten rid of said habit, but the current situation had changed many things. Before him on the table, his hands started to blur as his eyes filled with tears once again. He quickly wiped them away, hoping that nobody would notice.

Todoroki’s speech only barely reached him, only as a seemingly distant, faint mumbling as though he was speaking to Midoriya through a thick concrete wall. The whole room started feeling like a wide and open space with his former classmates miles and miles away. Mind numbing emptiness filled Midoriya’s heart and went through his veins until it was the only thing he felt in his whole body. As his breathing got faster, his heartrate picked up. Why was he there? Why was he not on his way to get you already? Even though he sat perfectly still, Midoriya felt dizzy, only from the way his mind spun – around and around and around like a carousel, Deku being the only passenger on this horrendous ride.

“You look really pale, Deku, are you alright?” Uraraka’s voice was as soft as ever. The soothing tone was able to momentarily stop Midoriya’s mind. For a second, he looked at her without an answer before simply nodding.

Only when Todoroki asked Midoriya to go over the situation once again, he was completely pulled back into reality. His legs trembled a little as Deku stood up. The eyes of his former classmates all followed his movements very carefully, trying to get clues about their friend’s mental state that the situation caused. Uraraka and Kirishima looked especially worried whereas Todoroki and Iida kept their expressions professional.

“Thank you everyone for coming on such short notice,” Midoriya started. He balled his hands to fists and squeezed as hard as he could to keep his mind from wandering too much that might cause him to break down again. “The villain organization that has been watched by several agencies for the past few months made a move about a week ago, as some of you may know. It was the first incident of that kind and several civilians got hurt in the process.” Deku clearly remembered the pictures of the scene on the news. Neither his nor the hero agency you worked for had been able to stop that despite being the ones watching the organization. “Y/N went after the villains alone and has not been seen since.” His voice got quieter with every word he spoke.

Your actions contradicted what you had learned at UA not so long ago. Staying calm and collected in crises, thinking rationally, and getting help was the priority. But guilt and anger had eaten you up. Midoriya could not blame you for that, even if he wanted to. He had experienced the same feelings in the past, put himself in danger, worried others, all because he wanted to play hero. Midoriya sat down again and let Todoroki take over once again.

“Since we know where the villains are hiding, it will be easy to retrieve the target.” ‘The target’. Midoriya flinched. The way the words came out of Todoroki’s mouth, the lack of emotion and his straight face were something admirable and scary at the same time. Reducing you to merely the word ‘target’ and the emotional disconnect that came with it would probably make this mission easier for Deku, but he just did not manage to think that way. With a sigh, he sank deeper into his chair and listened to Todoroki’s plan.

It was an easy one, starting with negotiations led by Iida. He was the best that that sort of thing, so Midoriya had no problem leaving that to him. However, he was not really fond of the idea of exchanging your life for something like money but since it was the easiest way to avoid direct confrontation, they had to try it. If that did not work, Iida would go in through the front door, and Todoroki, Deku, Kirishima and Uraraka through the back door in two teams to get ‘the target’ out by themselves. Combat was to be avoided. The top priority was getting you out, not arresting the bad guys, though the police would be waiting in front of the building to take them in.

The base of the small villain group was an abandoned warehouse – because of course it would be that. The alley behind it was narrow and dirty, littered with shards of glass and cigarette butts. Next to the dark water in the potholes, Midoriya could see dried as well as fresh blood shimmering on the asphalt. The sight made him sick, a feeling he had not experienced in a while.

The four heroes came to a halt at the place where they would go into the building through the back door. There were no guards, which came as a surprise, but even if there had been some it would not have been a problem for any of them. Midoriya and Todoroki stayed back and inspected the alley while Uraraka and Kirishima got ready at the heavy double-winged door

 Midoriya crouched down and inspected the blood stains. Todoroki’s eyes were fixed on him, he could almost physically feel it. With his gloved hand, Midoriya moved some reddened shards around, not entirely sure of what he was doing or why he was doing it in the first place, but it was a way to keep his hands and mind busy. Todoroki had his own ways of doing that. “I thought you quit,” Midoriya remarked. “I thought so too, but-” Todoroki did not care to finish his sentence and only a few seconds later, the smell of cigarette smoke reached Deku. He wrinkled his nose. “The situation is getting to me too, you know?” Todoroki’s pronunciation was a bit curious with the cig between his lips. “The same goes for the others. Kirishima, Uraraka, Iida, they’re all worried. Bakugou, too, even though he isn’t here today.” A short pause. Deku assumed that Todoroki was taking a deep drag. “It is really getting to me.” His voice was quieter this time and it had a tone to it that Deku barely knew from his friend. It was desperate, hopeless, pleading.

Midoriya had no words of affirmation that he could tell Todoroki. Hell, if he could think positively in this situation, everything would be a lot easier. He searched and searched for words, but none would come to his mind. And in the end, he did not need to say anything. Midoriya’s communication device made a static sound, before he heard Iida’s voice, loud and clear. »Negotiations failed. What will be the next step?« “We’re going in,” Todoroki told them without hesitation. “Understood!” Midoriya got back up and was at the door in less than a second. He looked at Uraraka and Kirishima, both had a determined look on their face.

Todoroki stepped to them and – given the lack of a bin – dropped his half-smoked cigarette to the ground. “That’s not very heroic of you, Todoroki,” Kirishima commented. Uraraka giggled and even Midoriya managed to crack a smile. “I’ll pick it up later,” the leader of their mission said and Deku was sure he saw his lips twitch into a fond expression as well, even if it was only for a split second. They all became serious again. “Deku, open the door for us.”

  The inside of the building was dark and empty, and Midoriya was not sure why he had expected anything else. His and Uraraka’s footsteps on the wet ground resounded through the empty hallway. It was quite dark, most of the lamps on the walls were either broken or very dim, so the major source of light were the occasional holes in the ceiling. It took Midoriya all the self-control he had not to activate One For All and charge forward – Uraraka and he were a team, and they should stay together since running around alone might be dangerous. The further they got into the building, the harder it got for Midoriya to keep it together. With every door they opened, with every room they inspected, anxiety and terror grew withing him. There was no sign of you.

It did not take long for some villains to show up, but at this point in time they were no match for Deku. Anyone who tried to get in his way right now was put down in mere seconds. Uraraka kept his back free and had an eye on him in case he got too reckless.

The last door he approached was a pain to open. Midoriya had to push it with his shoulder since the hinges were rusty and it took him a few tries until the door finally budged and creaked open. Behind the door, Midoriya was met with a pitch-black room. He reached over to the wall besides the entrance and searched for a light switch. A single light bulb hanging from the ceiling flickered on, only giving enough light for Midoriya to see the rough shapes of the room’s interior, but it slowly started glowing brighter. That was when his heart stopped.

For a split second, Midoriya thought that maybe he had come too late, that maybe you were already dead. The sight of you, tied to a chair with ropes so tight that they were cutting into the flesh on your wrists and ankles sent shivers up and down his spine. Blood dripping down from your chin had already formed a small pool on the already wet floor. He noticed the smell of blood, sweat and vomit still fresh and heavy in the air.

“Y/N?” His voice was merely a whisper. Maybe he was afraid that if he were loud enough for you to hear, you would not react. Midoriya forced himself to take a step. Lift his foot off the ground, move it onwards, put it down again. Now with his other foot. Lift, onwards, down. And again. With every step, a new wave of sensations and feelings washed over Midoriya. First it was disgust – he could not help that one but looking at your skin peeling off your flesh and exposing the bare muscle tissue and bone almost made him vomit. Then it was hysteria – Midoriya could both laugh and cry out loud until he lost his voice, kiss you on your dead cold bloody lips, dance and jump through this awful room – because he finally found you but what if it were too late? Then it was fear – and with this feeling numbing his mind once again, he reached you.

“Y/N?” He crouched down so his face was on one level with yours. The dull sound of Midoriya’s gloves falling to the ground echoed through the room, to him it was almost as loud as an explosion. As he held his breath, his now bare hand reached out for you almost all on its own, touched your neck, searched for a pulse. To Midoriya’s relief, your skin was not cold, but warm. Maybe even a bit too warm. His hand wandered up your neck and he cupped your cheek, wiped away some blood with his thumb. Under his touch, your muscles twitched. Midoriya pulled back and watched as your eyes fluttered open. Your gaze was empty and unfocused for a while, wandering from the dark walls of the room to the lightbulb over your head, until it stopped on Midoriya’s face.

He watched as your eyes widened. “Izuku?” Your voice was hoarse and filled with so much desperation that it made the hero’s heart drop. “Is it really you?” Midoriya nodded. He pressed his lips together and did not dare to answer, afraid that his voice would break if he said anything. “I’ve been waiting for you.” You made an attempt to reach out for him but the restraints around your wrists made that impossible. Midoriya swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to stay focused. “And I’ve been looking for you. I’ll get you out of here now.” Over the comms, he quickly informed his teammates over the mission’s success before he reached into his pocket for a knife. “I’m sorry that I’m so late,” he told you as he cut through the ropes. They were sticky, some even slippery from the blood. Deku tried not to pay too much attention to that but the sight of the crimson red shimmering on his hands made him gag. “The most important thing is that you’re here now.” You cracked a smile, but it did not look too convincing.

Once your hands were free, you swiftly wrapped your arms around Midoriya. It took him by surprise, but he hugged you back, careful not to use too much strength that might hurt you. You buried your face deep in Midoriya’s chest, fingers digging into his back, clinging to his suit. Just now he felt the way your body trembled, Midoriya did not know if it was exhaustion or fear. Maybe he was shaking as well. He wanted to stay like this forever, feel you in his arms, warm and alive, hold onto this thought and only this one while ignoring the horrible reality. Blood wet Midoriya’s clothes but he had nothing to take care of your wounds with. To be honest, he did not want to look at them. All he wanted was to keep holding on to you, forever.

Fighting noises reached his ears, not too far away. Men yelling. Your grip tightened a little and Midoriya thought that maybe you were shaking a little more now. “I want to leave, Izuku,” you whispered. Midoriya did not say anything. He listened carefully as the noises faded away. A few seconds of pressing silence passed awfully slow. »We’re all clear!« Todoroki’s voice was calm but Midoriya heard a hint of relief. However, he decided to stay put for a few more minutes to make sure that no other people were picking a fight anywhere else.

“Let’s go,” he said after a while. He could not spend another minute in this building, afraid that you might end up dying from your injuries.

As gently as he possibly could, Midoriya lifted you from the chair and carried you out of the building.

  Talking to the police and the press was a pain. Todoroki did most of it, given that he had been the leader of this mission, but Deku still had to talk to everyone as well. Press conferences with countless questions, some challenging their beliefs and morals as heroes, some too personal for Midoriya to answer – questions about you, your wellbeing, your relationship to the hero Deku. When he was not currently being interrogated by the public, Midoriya spent every free minute in the hospital, by your side. At first the doctors had not let him see you, but he had still stayed there the entire time. And when he was finally allowed in your room, Midoriya could not contain himself and his emotions any longer.

He sobbed and cried and swore and apologized all in one go without taking a breath while you tried to calm him down. He held your hand the entire time he was there, afraid that if he let go off you for one second, some villains might separate the two of you again.

“When are you getting released from the hospital?” Uraraka questioned while she put a small bouquet into a vase on the windowsill. The blossoms shone in the golden light of the evening sun and threw dancing shadows on your white blanket. “Next week, probably.” You gave her a tired smile. “Though I’ll have to be inactive for a while during my healing process.” Midoriya knew that having to neglect your hero duties like that was hard for you, so he squeezed your hand reassuringly. “We’re all wishing you well!” “Thanks Uraraka!” The two of you watched as the young woman left again. She was not the only one who had visited. The whole team had been there, Todoroki visited frequently, and even Bakugou had showed up once or twice.

“This sucks, I’m so bored!” You whined, getting a short chuckle from Midoriya. “I know, but you need some more rest.” He looked down at your intertwined fingers. Your wrists were still covered in bandages but some of your wounds had started to heal again. However, it would still take quite a while for you to fully recover. Midoriya ran his thumb over the fabric. “You’ll get better soon, and I’ll always be here to support you during this time. I miss you at home and being close to you.” “Thank you. And I miss that too.” A soft smile formed on your lips, so Midoriya leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on them. He lingered there for a moment before standing up and grabbing his jacket. “I should get going, it’s late and you need your rest.” “Alright!”

Midoriya slipped into his jacket but before he could leave, you sat up, grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him down into another kiss. “Hey, you’re supposed to lay dow-” Midoriya started to complain but quickly quit to return the kiss. When you let him go and Midoriya walked towards the door he had a smile on his face. Everything was going to be fine. He turned around by the door and looked at the flowers and the curtain moving in the wind. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” “See you tomorrow, Izuku!”

[purpledragonbae]

Day 1 of my “follow your joy” experiment:

Starting the day with some really chill stretching and listening to fun/happy music! Also made myself an iced mocha & played with my cute ass puppy. Started thinking about approaching local businesses to create brand strategies for them because that’s something I find mad fun. I need to still do my taxes (oops) so strategizing a way to make it a joyful experience as I have felt mad resistance. Turning it into a game seems to be working! I think I’m going to make it like a beat the clock kind of game. This is such a good way to get through anything that on the surface feels shitty. MAKE IT A GAME !

I want to note that at this point of my life I am completely broke and just went through a really bad chapter of depression and my partner and I are taking space. So needless to say, it’s been a tough go lately, but I realize that I was guiding my life with things like guilt or should’s or the expectations I thought others had on me. It was like I was constantly in a fear state that I would get in trouble or upset someone or go against others expectations of me.

All that led to was me becoming increasingly incapable of doing anything I needed to do and to becoming overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts and controlling behaviour. It made me totally broke and lose everything. It made me too anxious to actually work any jobs I did get. It made everything feel like I was about to burst into tears. During this time I was purging a lot of pain from my past and a lot of my insecurities so it all served a purpose, but at a point you realize that the healing pot is infinitely deep and - do you really want to spend your entire short life here in that state? Or do you want to just accept that life hasn’t been perfect and move forward with joy and love.

I’m noticing tons of mercury retrograde things happening right now, like technology not working, meetings not lining up, my bf engaging with his ex, etc. This is really solidifying the understanding that we really aren’t in control. Having an awareness of this stuff is so powerful - not because you can stop things from happening, but because with awareness, you won’t react with fear. If you react with fear it only further fucks your journey up.

When it comes to following your joy - that includes following joyful thoughts. Every time I have a thought that doesn’t bring me joy, I am now choosing to shift my focus elsewhere. This isn’t to say we should force thinking positively, because then we are still in fear and resistance, but rather redirect our thoughts to those that are natural to us but also bring joy.

For example, if thinking about my partner brings me anxiety right now, sure, I could force myself to think about all the good times and aspects about him I love, or I could accept that thinking about him in this moment doesn’t make me feel good, and think about something that does, like flowers or sunshine or sleeping all day.

The key is to follow your natural joy, not force it, and to accept how you’re truly feeling. The anxious, controlling energy repels. If something pisses you off, leave it alone. If something psyches you up, get into it!

I’ve also been exploring some patterns of relationship dynamics tonight and it’s so wild how different connections can totally drive us further down our purposeful path. It just goes to show how you never really want to cut yourself off from exploring a human being if it feels natural. There will be something from the dynamic to learn and when relationships are controlling or too strictly monogamous, they cut off the potential for spiritual growth.

I feel like monogamy channels the energy very strongly, so sometimes that can be a bit too intense if you’re not spiritually developed enough or aren’t quite aware enough about the dynamic and how to master it. For example, I was on the app The Pattern and it was describing to a T the dynamic that has played out between me and my partner. It’s wild! I wish I dug into that a little deeper before going through this stuff and it possibly being too late.

But these dynamics can exist between multiple people, so it just goes to show that there isn’t a one soul mate. It really is a choice and ultimately you’ll choose a partner that is aligned with bringing you the growth you desire. Maybe there’s a perfect match, but I’ve never seen it.

It was really helpful though and gave me hope because it showed me areas where I can grow and compromise to create a happy, healthy bond. Ultimately it really was a lack of clear communication getting in the way.

This time apart has been so transformational. I truly am grateful for space and won’t fight it again. It’s very cool to have a partner where our chemistry comes together to open up something new about our spirits and souls journey. I have learned so much is such short time while knowing and loving him. It would be so incredible to be able to transmute the negatives of our dynamic into the possibility for something really amazing.

Right now I feel a resistance to him and to us seeing each other so I’m trusting that and that when it’s time for us to see each other again, that repelling energy will have dissipated.

What I read about today in the untethered soul was the resistance / clinging dynamic, very similar to the push and pull, runner/chaser, empath/narc type of dynamic. Essentially a duality. It made me realize how I’ve been having that type of relationship with everything in my life. I either cling to something or someone or I resist or self sabotage or push it away. Seeing this is helping me realize I can just step out of that dance and no longer be pulled so much.

That dynamic completely comes from fear. Fear to lose something causes you to cling. Fear to get too close or mess something up makes you avoid and push it away. It’s just so clear now.

I love how things can suddenly click just by someone articulating it in a way that makes sense to you. That’s why there’s no limit to the books or speakers or material in the universe that will succeed. Everyone speaks a different language and different ways will resonate with different people.

[your-local-bnha-writer]

Hello ur my favorite account😭! Can I request a HC with Tanaka, Noya, Tsuki, & Kageyama where u guys are dating but at a tournament, u run into ur ex boyfriend ( who is a huge douchebag) and is saying a bunch of garbage about u? How would they react? , how would it impact their playing style cause get this- karasuno is playing against ur ex boyfriends team🤭🤭🤭🤭

jealous bfs tanaka, noya, tsukki kags,

hey I’m gonna mash these two requests! I hope you enjoy this was a lot of fun to write!

also favourite account?? me?? 🥺🥺

➣ characters included : tanaka, noya, tsukki, kageyama (separately) x fem!reader

➣ headcannons

➣ warning : a lot of swearing 😳 like there’s a lot, your jerk ex talking crap, scary bfs

ryūnosuke tanaka

- karasuno had made it to the nationals, and right before their game against Tsubakihara, lil ol Tanaka had to use the bathroom

- a horrible decision really, just ask hinata

- he walks in and hears your trash ex talking crap abt you

“Yeah, can you believe it? I saw my ex here, Y/n. I think she’s the manager for her team? Karasuno. Is she really that desperate for attention from other guys?”

- Tanaka is p i s s e d like, no one gets to talk about his precious love without experiencing the wrath from Ryūnosuke Tanaka

- So mans just straight up walks to your ex, “gently” taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, and starts defending your honour

“Y/n? Y/n L/n? The most beautiful, gorgeous, precious girl in the world? That Y/n?”

“Uh, yeah? Who are y—”

“Hi I’m the new boyfriend, and let me just tell you...”

- Tanaka goes oFF he’s not letting this douche bag of an ex get his way, he straight up just goes on a 2 hours speech about how perfect you were

- and how much of a douche your ex was

- Eventually, Hinata finds Tanaka in the bathroom (since his stomach was actin up lol) and goes to alert the other guys + you

- So, the whole gang is here, Daichi and Suga have to drAG Tanaka away from your ex while Noya hypes him up

- You have to calm him down and ask him why the hell he was yelling at someone in the bathroom

“Your ex was talking shit about you, I’m not just gonna let them do that”

- You’re immediately like 🥺🥺 Tanakaaaa you didn’t have to do that omg I love you sm

- When it’s finally time play these guys Tanaka is surprisingly calm, like it’s actually terrifying

- Oh and you bet Tanaka’s going all out he is on fire, he’s landing every spike and you can practically hear the impact on it

- Right after he lands a spike he celebrates with his team and stares directly at your ex who’s shooketh 😳

“Yeah take that! You regret breaking up with Y/n now?”

“Tanaka stOoOoP omg—”

- After Karasuno wins he gives you the most passionate kiss, in front of your ex and you pull away blushing

- Your ex just rolls his eyes and goes to pack up with his team while Tanaka’s looking all smug and Noya’s hyPED

yuu nishinoya

- The boys were getting ready for the match against Johzenji, and were just doing some basic warmups

- You had to help Kyoko and Yachi with something so you weren’t in the gym at the moment

- But your asshole of an ex was talking shit about you, very loudly 😳 and very obnoxiously too

- This mf, instead of practicing and doing fricken warmups, he’s talking crap abt you, and you weren’t even in the vicinity!

- But your boyfriend was, oh and he heard everything, every single word that came out of you ex’s mouth

“Pfft yeah she’s still annoying as ever, not surprised she’s dating the dude that’s 5’2”

- Ohh big mistake bud, not only did you insult his perfect Gf, but his height as well? Like dang pick one or the other dude

- So, Noya can’t take it anymore he’s been holding back bc he’s supposed to be warming up for the game but at this point he just couldn’t

- He straight up runs over to the other side of the gym to knock some sense into the jerk

- Tanaka follows not to stop him (although he is a bit worried 😳) but to hype him up bc that’s his best friend’s gf you don’t get to do that

- Asahi is scared shitless so Ennoshita has to keep the horny tornado in check, while Suga is conflicted

“What the hell did you say? Don’t you dare insult Y/n again! This is why she left your sorry ass! Who are you talk shit about my beautiful girlfriend I’ll fight you right now—”

- Ahem well, as you can see he’s very pissed off and uh he ends up getting scolded by coach Ukai

- except at the very end of him scolding he gives noya a few pointers on how to defend your gf without showing bad sportsmanship

- You witness the whole thing and just go up to Noya to calm him down a little

“Thank you, but you didn’t have to go off like that,”

“Yeah I did, Im not letting that douche talk shit about my crazy hot girlfriend”

- noya stop this isn’t the time 😳🥵

- During the game he is extremely focused and there’s this terrifying aura that’s escaping him

- Like Asahi might actually shit his pants just standing next to him

- Karasuno absolutely destroys Johzenji bc Noya is not letting that ball drop on their side of the court

- After the game, like Tanaka Noya straight up kisses you in front of your ex, leaving you a blushing mess as Noya gives him a smug look

kei tsukishima

- aHEM um, alright get ready folks bc this is a scary one

- So it’s Kagugawa vs Karasuno and Yamaguchi is sort of wandering around with Hinata right before the game probably to try and cool their nerves 💀💀

- When they hear your someone talking abt you

“My ex is here we’re vs her team, I know yeah, she’s probably so annoying”

- Dude Yamaguchi and Hinata have never ran faster in their entire lives, they immediately go to tsukki and it’s just a scream fest

“TSUKKI THERES SOMEONE TALKING ABT Y/N!”

“yeAH!! and he was all like ‘she’s probably so annoying’”

“mHM AND—”

“okay I think I got it, where are they?”

- shits about to go down, when Tsukki gets mad, he doesn’t lose is cool, instead he keeps a level head and strategize on how to completely destroy his opponent

- so Yams and Hinata drag him to where your ex was and point him out, and he’s stILL on the phone

“Mhm, yeah she’s super annoying”

- Oh Tsukki is pissed off, he has this intimidating aura coming from him as he approaches the dude that’s shitting on you

“You’re the ex? Yikes...😬”

- Tsukki will wait for what he has to say and the whole time he just has the biggest smirk on his face, like it’s about to go down

- Yams and Sho are hyped uP but they’re waiting behind the door bc they’re babies and they’re scared

- Mm Tsukki does not hold back, he straight up roasts this dudes ass, mans just releases all the salt that’s stored in him

“Mhm yeah, that’s pretty pathetic”

“Heh lame”

“Wow...I can’t believe she really dated you”

- Yeah that’s not that much salt

- Tanaka find the three of them in the bathroom and as much as he wants Tsukki to keep going, they have to get ready for the game

- During the game, your ex tries to spike and he’s instantly shut down my Tsukki and his 6’3 ass, It’s quite hilarious 😌

- Anyways, Tsukki blocks your ex every single time wiTH A SMIRK, mans is not holding back on this bitch

- He says it’s bc he was predictable

- Later, Karasuno beats Kagugawa and Tsukki hardcore glares at your ex like it’s pretty scary since Tsukki is one to act all sassy rather than mad when he gets irritated

“You don’t talk shit about her, ever”

- SUDHDJD DAMN TSUKKI CHILLL

- You watch all of this happen and you immediately ask your boyfriend if something was wrong bc you’re a tad bit worried

“We just had a disagreement that’s all”

“uHH YEAH RIGHT TSUKKI WENT OFF EARLIER IN THE BATHROOM—”

tobio kageyama

- Um another scary bitch please do not talk trash about his gf when he’s around

- He’s probably filing his nails away from his team bc he needs his peace and quiet and doesn’t wanna get bullied by Hinata and Tsukki

- When he hears a guy talking very loudly to his friend, now usually he’d ignore them or move spots but like this dude is talking abt you

- So, he stays for a bit and listens to what he has to say. Who even is this dude? Why does he know you? Why is talking to loud like please shut the f—

“Pfft yeah my ex is here with her volleyball team, I talked to her earlier and oh my god she’s exactly the same when I first dated her”

- I’m not sure if that’s a roast sorry I’m bad at these

- Oh now Kags is pissed, see he was already a little irked that this jerk was your ex but he was also talking trash abt you? Nahh

- He throws his nail file on the ground and stomps right up to this douche to smack some sense in him

“Yeah she’s hella annoy—”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?”

“Who tf—”

- So Kageyama is also unusually “calm” about the whole situation which makes it even more terrifying

- Kageyama will most likely go off and tell this dude that he has no business talking abt his gf like that

- he’ll focus more on dissing the dude and let me tell you this dude’s roasts h u r t

- like his insults are like 90% swear words

“goblin lookin ass”

“long titty no nipple lookin ass”

“get outta here you abominable fuck waffle”

- Imagine this scary ass dude coming up to you, telling you to shut the fuck up, then realizing this is Tobio Kageyama, The King of the Court, the incredible setter that has precise aim, the 2nd half of the freak duo, going off on how you should stfu abt his gf

- oh and you’re facing him on your next game

- and he absolutely obliterates your sorry ass

- his sets are perfect, he blocks every single fuckin spike you make, and when you think he’s going setting to #10 think again bc he will do a setter dump

- basically he’s on fire and tear the other team to shreds it’s kind of scary actually, hinata was sweating buckets when kageyama served since he looked so terrifying at the moment

- after the game, kageyama would want to leave immediately he doesn’t want to see your ex anymore

“You doing okie? Did something happen with you and him before the game?”

“Yep, but it’s nothing don’t worry about it”

- kags you have that creepy smile again stop you’re scaring y/n

[cloveroctobers]

ELLADINE SARABI

IG info/bio: @/ellasardineabi | 18.5k followers | Artist | i was born with glass bones and paper skin♡

25 years old

Born & raised in Cardiff, Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Father was in the n*vy and moved his family around a few times until he and his wife came to a agreement that it would be best for the family to grow up in one solid place

whereas he would leave for months at a time living elsewhere

Which was hard on the family at times since he is viewed as the rock of the family

He eventually left the n*vy after serving 20 years & was so thankful to, he hated it and how it messed with him mentally

He’s also of Iranian heritage

Her mother is of German heritage

Has her own restaurant that serves authentic German food

Both of her parents instilled hard work, discipline, generosity, and how to be practical in their children

Elladine is the middle child

Has a brother that is ten years older than her and then a younger sister who is seven years behind her

Canon: there is currently a discussion going on if they are going to bring their (maternal) nan/mam-gu home since the nursing home isn’t providing the proper care their nan needs

Her mother has a rocky relationship with her mother that she doesn’t like to discuss with her children but her husband knows all about it

Her nan has Alzheimer's and is becoming violent

it has become difficult seeing her most days

Elladine came into glassblowing after being involved in many classes in secondary such as workshop class

which became her fav since she was able to manipulate many materials such as metal, wood, and glass

She also took a auto body class which was interesting but she wasn’t too thrilled about it. Got away with a B- but knew she could do better if she really wanted to but she didn’t need the class to graduate so allow it

Currently works in a glass studio where her work is displayed/sold and she’s one of the main ones that makes great profit

has bought her own space for her own studio and is slowly making it to her liking with her assistant, yes she’s got one!

Hopes to be in that space within the next 6 months...it would have been a little sooner if we weren’t dealing with a global p*ndemic!!! but ya know life f*cking sucks sometimes!!!1!!:) especially if people don’t gaf

Moved back in with her parents so that she could not only help with her nan but get her studio ready, her parents approved since she was working towards something and realized her talent

I definitely see elladine going through a grunge phase and it probably still slips out every now and then lol

Her childhood room is still in shades of raspberry, gray, and a deep purple

always been plus-sized/fuller than the rest but it’s literally hereditary since her mom is built the same way who got it from her dad

Her family never made her feel ashamed as they shouldn’t and none of her true friends made her feel different since they were all of different sizes!!! besides who’s really friends with someone because of their bodies? Ur really ugly if that’s how u roll js

Always a respectful student and not too afraid to spark up a convo with you but can be a little nervous if the person is more of a “I have to warm up to you first” since she’ll feel like she’s annoying you if she carries the convo at first

Takes her time in relationships because she’s scared of getting hurt, cause breakups are not fun! Especially if theyre your friend on top of that

Although Friendship breakups are much worse let’s be honest here!!!

Has noticed that a few of her exes like to bring up that she’s controlling or too bossy in relationships and that makes her a little insecure since she doesn’t view it that way??

She knows what she wants and likes things a certain way, and she can see how it can kinda come off that way based on how she approaches/says things and tries to be better at toning it down and not being offensive to her significant others

Always has a plan and likes to follow it, she definitely keeps to-do lists on a daily

Takes trips to see Nicky often and vice-versa, every moment they spend together feels like it’s meant to be, even when it’s them just simply chilling in each other’s spaces, he’s truly one of her best friends and he feels like the missing part of her life

He offered for her to move in with him but elladine didn’t accept it since she wanted to be there to help with her nan and in fact—she wanted to be the one to ask HIM to move in with her

but if they make it long enough, they’ll go house hunting together...maybe

I get Shawn/Angela relationship vibes from them (boy meets world for those who aren’t aware of this couple and I’m not just saying this because they’re interracial as well lol) did I say this already about someone else? Brain fart lol

everyone relationship has their flaws so when they hit a bump in the road...elladine immediately wants to fix it but it comes off as more critiquing, moodiness/blaming the other

while Nicky can be defensive/argumentive/a little condescending on his end

To get through it, they normally go on a walk together in complete silence until they’re ready to speak again or they take a break from each other

I think words of affirmation is her love language

Taurus sun + Virgo moon + Capricorn rising?

“The girl on the motorcycle” is one of her fav films — no this is not metaphoric to her love life

Loves watching things with captions on since she always finds herself doing something else while watching anything (which irks Nicky a little bit but that’s just the way elladine is and he loves her so he deals with it)

Will rewind something if she missed it too

Canon: never had morning sex before

but can now say she has ;) & understands the pros people say about it and it outweighs the cons in her book

Will start the whole song over too if she missed her fav part in it

She also enjoys billiards since her brother used to work in a pool hall and when he had to watch her because she was “too young” in her words to stay home by herself he would take her there even tho technically she wasn’t supposed to be there but he was screwing his boss’s daughter so it was quite fine

her sister has a crush on Gary & ships elladine with him, which they joke about every now and then + he doesn’t follow her back, which is okay! Not a big deal but her sister keeps sliding in his dms (he’s now single)

She NEVER thought she would be on THE love island and wasn’t that confident that she’d find a real love that carried on outside of the show but Nicky has proven her wrong 🥲

She’s 5’5–5’6

Probably shops at Zara & top shop and has no issue picking pieces that flatter her “pear” figure, she loves all that is of her body: the pudge, love handles, cellulite and all (she’s very confident and won’t let anyone see her moments of doubt when it comes to her frame)

Loves mythology but will tell bill stfu if he comes near her trying to argue about anything in that subject

Very competitive and will rush through certain things, leaving one to think that she’ll fail somewhere but rarely does

If she’s not near or away from the mountains or the sea for long period of time she gets very moody!!! Guess that’s the Welsh in her huh?

Loves fireplaces, they’re super cozy and very romantic if you catch ella’s drift 😏

Probably smells like jasmine & pink pepper idk

Wants to travel to Iceland one day

Knows her way around a car but dreads having to get it fixed or fixing it herself?

Loves driving until her road rage kicks in? Oh you’re gonna go around her to get in front of her? Never that. She’ll always be in front of you and will break check you if you try her “Drewgi” she mutters

Early riser and goes to bed early too lol

She’s the crying drunk lmao

Automatically vieve has become one of her best friends from the villa but it deff didn’t feel forced like it normally would have just because their bfs have a podcast together, they talk about everything together. EVERYTHING! It feels like she’s the big sister she never had, yet they’re only a year apart lol

They have ft sleepovers and man is it fun!

Forgave lily but at the same time can’t fully see herself being friends with her like vieve tried to encourage before they went on the yacht...sorry everything can’t be Kumbaya over here sis

It sucks to say but it was easier? She doesn’t know if that’s the right term or not... for her to forgive rafi than it was lily and it’s fucked up but that’s the way it is. It’s not like she contacts him on seperate messages or anything like that! She’ll talk to him via group chat and that’s pretty much it. She knows it was all part of the show and production’s bs for ratings but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t hurt

Wishes him success on his shows/movies but doesn’t engage/watch them

What does she post? I feel like she posts maybe three times a month and a lot are outfit pics but tends to go live more so to chat with the people! She’ll also show all what glassblowing entails while chatting away! She loves that part and is pretty open about things but knows how to keep some things private

Personally wasn’t the biggest fan of season 1 but admits she wishes she had mc’s balls in terms of what she would have done if she was in elladine’s place when lily picked Nicky, “ugh! I wish I had her strength rising through my veins in that moment. Absolute riot. Adore her.”

‘“Licky” is a ugly ass ship name anyways so who’s really winning here?!’

Celeb crushes? Iwan Rheon, Henry Zaga, Anthony Welsh, jason derulo, & LaRoyce Hawkins

Listens to: soleima, Marisa Maino, Ava Max, poppy, Caroline polachek, Donny Hathaway, Phil Good, & SAINt JHN

Anthem — M.I.A. “Bad Girls”