#and on today’s episode of ‘I Fell In Love With a Side Character’

[claudiaeparvier]

Hestia, the virgin goddess of home, hearth and fire.

[tiredmamaissy]

Ralak te Sepwan ieyk’itan: Special Episode III

Calm After the Storm

An Illustrated Collaboration with @zestys-stuff

Masterlist ; Rut/Heat/Knotting Info

🔞 minors, do not interact 🔞

Hyperlinks are attached to specific paragraphs that when clicked on will lead you to its illustration by Ralak's creator @zestys-stuff.

Characters: Metkayina!Ralak (24) x Sully!Omaticaya!Reader (19)

Warnings: nsfw, smut, fluff, profanity, age gap, rut cycle, heat cycle, extreme knotting, marking, scenting, territorial/possessive behaviour, breeding kink, p in v, mating/bonding, multiple climaxes, creampie, belly bulge, actual breeding, let me know if I forgot anything?

Word Count: 6.3k

Requested: Yes || No

Author’s Note: Happy halloween guys! I know I literally fell off the face of the earth and I will make another post to address that. But I know I haven’t participated for @pandoraslxna ‘s kinktober event (I’m so sorry bby) but if I could only participate for one of the days it would be today for sure. So I definitely wanted to get this out before midnight. It’s not purely a/b/o but honestly entails all the aspects of it. I think we can all definitely tell who’s the alpha and omega here (Ralak is alpha material hands down, ofc). I hope you guys enjoy this one, and I apologize for such a wait <3 Also I feel like I’m a bit rusty, so apologies for any typos, errors, or just plain suckish writing.

ALSO a big happy birthday to my babe @neteyamsoare <3 love you and hope it was a good one!!

Synopsis: Your heat starts to subside, but Ralak’s rut is only getting stronger. What could possibly go wrong?

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——

Only an hour has passed before you feel your not-so-gentle giant stirring behind you, waking you from your sleep. You’d both been on your sides for too long now and everywhere seems to ache. You whine when you feel his hips shift against you, tugging at the immense pressure between your hips. The bulge protruding from your lower abdomen has barely gone down and you feel almost as full as you did when he initially emptied his load inside you.

Silken strands of his hair fall onto your prickled skin as he props himself up on his elbow from behind you, perching his chin on your throbbing shoulder. He inhales deeply – longingly. His hot breath gently blows against your neck just as you feel his arm snake under your leg and yank it back in one rough tug.

“Ralak.” His name falls from your lips through a nearly inaudible croak. “‘m so full.” You barely mumble out, rolling your head to the side. Yet, the flame within you is without a doubt reigniting with a vengeance.

And he can sense it.

Simply by the way you push back into him, making that bulge in your belly protrude a little more. His large hand resting on your stomach can indubitably feel it. And the smile that it puts on his face is almost baleful, bearing his lengthy canines that yearn to sink deep into you once more. “Sorry, tìyawn [love].”

He just can’t help it.

No matter how hard he tried. The desire—no, the need—to fuck into you and claim you as his time and time again is… irrepressible. In this moment, nothing else felt better than your little, used cunt hugging his cock so tightly that it almost hurts. He yearns to fill you over and over. Again and again until your womb is overflowing with his seed. The mere thought has his balls pulling tight to his body, firming up by the second all just to flood your womb again.

“Muntxate [wife].” Ralak growls into your neck, sliding his hand down to your inner thigh. “I will try to be–” He groans slowly, his pointer finger now burrowing itself between your tied pelvises, “–flrr [gentle].”

The final accented word comes out roughly, and if it weren’t for his finger slipping past his knot and into your cunt, you would’ve probably heard it clearly. You yelp out when he traces his finger around his knot, stretching your already taut skin, attempting to work a little space to allow his bulge to slip out.

It's all consuming and you’re simply too overwhelmed with his size that you fail to realise how your body is synced with his and bearing down to push him out. All whilst he’s struggling to fight the snap of hips to avoid hurting you. But the tugging is nothing like you’ve felt before adn you can finally understand why he was so insistent in the first place.

ut there was no getting out of this now, not that you even wanted to.

“It–it’s…” You brace yourself by grabbing onto his forearm, “...t-too big.”

“Ngaytxoa [sorry]” He huffs out his fourth apology, losing himself once again as his hips finally jerk back out of his control.

Pop.

His knot slips out of you with such force that the squelch it makes is as loud as your whimper. It’s so wet and slippery that his cock follows behind his knot, sliding out of you effortlessly. He’s more than half-hard yet so heavy and hung it rests close to your knee. Then you feel it. His cum dribbling down your thigh, still warm and sticky as if he just filled you up seconds ago.

It’s such a conflicting feeling — a mixture of relief and pent up frustration. Your heat is still in full bloom, despite it being so quenched until you’re almost nauseated. It’s as if you were two pieces perfectly linked together, allowing nature to run its course with no second thought. He grunts when he feels the crisp night air against his groin, his cock now springing up to its full length in just a few seconds.

He, too, feels some sort of feverish way now. Itching to be back inside your warmth, enveloped by your gummy, slimy walls. He opts to pepper wet kisses along your neck, and then up to your jaw, lingering there as he tries to distract himself from the ache to shove it back inside you.

Until it becomes too much.

“Tanhì.” He moans into your ear, heavy lidded eyes struggling to stay open as his tongue trails the skin on the back of your neck. “Need you.” It’s his way of begging for permission. Permission to slam his cock back inside you and hammer into you until the annoying itch deep in his core goes away again. You were the only one to make it go away. To stop the hurt. “Please.” He whines out a plea of desperation, now gritting his teeth from the way his stomach is tensing. “Now.”

But that last plea wasn’t much of a question, no. It was more of a demand. A way of saying, ‘give it to me, or I’ll take you on my own terms’.

“Fuck.” You mumble under your breath, sliding your free hand down your side to hook it under your leg. You pull it back and reposition your hips to give him access to your cunt. “P-Put it in, ‘Lak.”

Ralak’s hips begin to stutter — the leaking, mushroomy tip of his cock now repeatedly prodding between your puffed up folds. His breath turns raggedy as he tries to guide himself back inside you handsfree. Your slick is overflowing, making it even more difficult for him to align himself with your entrance. The frustration brewing within him bubbles over when his cockhead glides past your swollen clit instead of sinking in your cunt. So he pulls back in one swift move and —

Thrust.

Your body jolts from how quickly he slams every inch of his cock inside you, forcing you split-open. Ralak huffs a shaky sigh of relief, his breathing growing a little steadier now that he’s deep inside his mate. Meanwhile, your mouth hangs agape yet no sound falls from your lips. Your eyes well up with tears and your ears lay flat against your skull. Your body is in complete submission to the beast dominating it and there’s nothing else you can do but give in to the pleasure.

“Your scent.” He whispers open-mouthed, tips of his canines grazing the nape of your neck. “It is driving me crazy.” You release the breath that you didn’t even realise you were holding. You didn’t even know what to say. Not like you could really say much right now anyways. You’re too lost in the fog of your own heat. For once, Ralak is doing most of the talking. “It makes me…” He snaps his hips back, only leaving half of his length inside you. “...lose myself completely.”

A deep roll of his hips.

A lewd moan dripping off your lips. 

“How do you do that?” He huffs, pressing his teeth against your neck. You don’t answer yet again. You just can’t find the words. Not right now. Not when he’s so deep inside you. “Hm?” A deep growl vibrates up his throat, his teeth just barely piercing the first layer of your silken skin.

“I—” You’re cut off by your own squeal when you feel the sting of his bite. Your breath catches in your throat and he immediately unlatches, lapping at the nicked skin to soothe it. “Sorry.” He whispers breathlessly, planting a quick kiss on each of your marks. “Sorry. Sorry.” A few more apologies flow from his mouth, as if he were drunk off of too much fermented fruit. Somewhat lucid but still so spaced. “I cannot —ngh— help myself.”

Thrust.

“‘M sorry.”

He knows he went a little too deep just now. But you feel so fucking good around his cock.

Chomp.

Another mark. Right on the bend of your shoulder, next to your first.

“Ngaytxoa [I’m sorry]”

A small cry from your quivering lips.

“S-Stop. No more apologies. I am yours to do what you p-please with.” You finally get out in one, weary breath.

Ralak’s languid, deep thrusts are laced with desperation. And with each stroke they become harsher and harsher. Faster and faster. Now he’s got your full permission he lets go once more, falling into the thick fog of his rut.

Within seconds his cock is pumping in and out of you, his half-deflated knot continuously prodding and poking at your entrance. The tip of his cock drags against your walls, putting an immense pressure right on your sweet spot. Yet still, sounds barely fall from your flushed lips. You’re too out of it. Too focused on the raw sensations rippling through you all at once. His overwhelming pheromones. His marking. His relentless pounding.

Rather, hot tears well over your eyes and stream down your face.

He can’t stop slamming himself inside you. He doesn’t want it to stop. It’s absolute rapture and he’s unapologetically drowning in it.

“Tanhì. Tanhì.” He groans needily. “y/n.”

He only says your name when he’s serious about something.

And hearing it drip from his tongue onto the nape of your neck has your hairs standing high and your clit throbbing.

“Eywa. Yes, ‘lak? T-Tell me what you need.” You blubber out, tightening your grip on his forearm.

“Haa — spread yourself.” He demands, prompting you to tuck your leg back as far as you can. His pace quickens, hips striking you with a sinful vengeance. But no matter how hard he fucks you, or how deep he buries himself inside you — its just not enough. He needs to be closer. To be deeper. To really be inside you. To knot you.

“More.” He grunts, slowing his thrusts into rocking, grinding himself inside your slippery, tight cunt.

You go to tug at your leg and meet nothing but resistance. “I-I’m trying.” You can feel it now. Perhaps it’s the bond or maybe it’s the way his knot is working you open but he’s growing more and more frustrated by the thrust.

“Mmmh. Wider.”

“I can’t. I can’t.” You’re quick to answer, feeling nothing but pressure from the way he’s trying to shove more of himself inside you.

“Agh.” He growls in frustration, pulling out of you and grabbing you by the ankle to flip you onto your back.

Ralak situates himself between your legs without hesitation and pushes them so far back your knees graze against the tips of your ears. You can barely breathe in this position and are having a hard time seeing anything else but his raging cock at your entrance. You can feel the burn in your thighs from how far back he’s shoving your knees but that sting is masked by the pleasure of him plunging himself back into your pussy.

The moan that rips from your lips is obscene and like no other. The crown of his cock is drilling itself directly into your sweet spot, causing it to swell with unadulterated pleasure. And each time he pulls out just to sink it back inside you he winds you in the process – making you sputter out absolute nonsense. Even he knows you're close, despite being in the thick of his rut.

But frankly, he doesn't care.

All he’s concerned about is satisfying his own urges.

“Not enough.” He grits through his teeth as his eyes shift to an even deeper shade of mauve. “‘ts not enough.” He pants, voice laced with something of worry. Panic that this feeling won’t go away. It makes you panic too, wondering if you’re doing enough for him. If he’s going to take even more from you. If you can manage it.

“You’re okay. Do what you need.” You try to reassure him, grasping your feet and holding them back–opening yourself up even more. But fuck, that only made things worst for you.

And by worst, you mean better. It feels like you’ll burst any second now, especially with how much pressure is on your bladder. “Fu-ck me. God, fuck–ahaa-fuck me.”

His brows bunch together as he peers down at you, beads of sweat rolling off his face to drip onto your chest. His jaw is so tense it looks as if it may fracture. He’s grunting with every push and huffing with every pull.

“Right there! Fuck. I’m close. I’m so fucking close. I-I need you to cum i-inside me. Oh—please ‘lak. Please!” Your cries are choked and muffled, breaths short and raggedy. The heat pooling in your core is unbearable. It needs out. Now.

Ralak swallows. Hard. Through his own haze he can see that you’re in need too. He shuffles closer to you, tucking his feet under him to assume a squatting position. Now he’s all but on top of you, folding you into a merciless mating press. This one shift in position has you coming undone on his cock, coating it in your thick slick as you sob from the white hot pleasure. The force of your climax has you pushing him out and only has him drilling himself further inside you. If it’s not for the way your pussy walls tighten around him surely his knot would have popped inside you by now.

He’s still fucking into you, right through your orgasm and towards his.

“Say what you need.” He panics through a tightened jaw, grinding himself inside you – pushing his knot against the resistance.

You know what he’s actually asking from you. To say something. Anything to tip him over the edge. To rid him of this maddening itch.

“Breed me.” You whisper, locking eyes with him. You watch as his pupils blow into thin rings and then constrict into nothing but dots. You try to swallow what spit you could, attempting to clear your throat. “Breed me. Please.”

“Then take it.” He lets loose a sinister growl, putting all his weight into his final push. For the first time, you feel his knot pop inside you, veiny and as thick as can be. You let out a high-pitched whimper, and feel your teeth begin to chatter. That doesn’t make him ease up, though. He continues to grind himself inside you until you feel the familiar, warm sensation of his sticky seed spraying inside you – filling your womb to the brim. His cock throbs wildly, in perfect synchrony with his own heartbeat, and soon yours too as the bond equilibrates your souls once more.

Strangely, you thought you’d be sore and overstimulated by now, but your body has never felt better. You’re full and content and more than satiated. Ralak heaves a sigh — one of pure relief. It’s glued to his face. All panic washes away and he’s feeling more at peace the longer he remains inside you. He’s rigid, firmly holding his position on top of you — ensuring he empties every single drop inside you. Yet, his heavy lidded eyes begin to close.

“I can’t breathe.” You mumble, snapping him out of his tranquil trance. His eyes meet yours and the corner of his mouth pulls into a little smirk. He exhales a breathy chuckle and carefully manoeuvres you both into a more comfortable position. He settles himself on his back and supports your body whilst positioning you on top of him.

“Better?” Ralak husks, drawing circles into your back with the tip of his finger.

You take a deep breath, filling your lungs to full capacity and then slowly release it. “Much.”

“Nga yawne lu oer [I love you]” His accented words slur together as he dozes off.

“Nga yawne lu oer, Ralak [I love you].”

——

Ralak woke repeatedly throughout the night for his fill. If it wasn’t him, it was you. Waking up in a clammy state, shaking and nuzzling into his chest from your heat. You honestly thought that the more time passed — the more rounds you went — the more he would calm down.

But, you thought wrong.

He’d start by leaving tender kisses wherever he could, whispering he’d do his best to be as gentle as he can be. Then, he’d slip a finger inside you, stretching you out in attempts to pull his knot out without hurting you. But it would always sting, even just a little bit. After that he’d beg. Pleading with you to let him back in, and apologize right after plunging inside you regardless of your answer—which was always yes.

At this point your own foggy haze would take over. Perhaps it was your body’s way of coping with the overstimulation, but you pined for every single second of it. Sometimes it would last for a few minutes. Where he’d be quick to fold you in two and growl in the shell of your ear, ‘you’re mine, haah — fuck, take me’. 

Sometimes it was closer to an hour. Where you’d both be so tired you’d take breaks, lazily taking turns fucking each other, telling him to ‘put it back in’ whenever he’d slip out. But one thing remained the same every time. You’d sob when you’d cum and then beg him to breed you. And he would, without a doubt, breed you.

Mercilessly.

And with each breeding, he’d lose himself a little deeper. Knotting you over and over. Marking you repeatedly until your body’s littered with bites. Until you were so fucked out you’d lost the feeling in your legs. Until your throat was so dry you could barely speak. Until you needed a break.

——

“Wait.” You crawl towards the bedside table with wobbly knees. “Just need some water, Lak.”

Ralak pounces on you, knocking you onto your stomach and pressing himself against you. You extend an arm out, fingers splayed out and shaking from you trying to reach the cup of water Ka’ani left there more than a day ago. Ralak grabs your hips and hoists you up onto your knees and elbows, and mounts you from behind.

“Water. Water, Lak.” You beg with a hoarse cry, only for him to line the crown of his cock up with your sopping cunt. He growls next to your ear as he stretches over you and reaches for the cup of water, filling his cheeks and putting it back down within a couple seconds. With a quick grip of your jaw, he turns your head and meets his lips with yours.

Before you can process what’s going on you’re gulping down water as fast as you can. And when he pulls away, you’re yet again met with the hazy eyes of his rut. That’s when it dawns on you that whilst your heat is coming to an end, his rut is only getting stronger.

Rather than looking away, he locks his gaze onto you, just so he can watch your face screw as he slams his cock inside of you in one, hard thrust. It works a sudden, breathy moan from your mouth, eyebrows pinching together from the stretch. He holds his position, basking in the warmth and tightness of your cunt as his breath goes shaky.

“Wait.” You mumble weakly, shoving a hand behind you to push against his lower stomach. “Please.”

For the first time, you were telling him to stop.

His jawbone flutters as his eyes search yours. Restraint plasters to his face, and the only audible thing is his heavy breathing. He nods. Just once. A firm and intentional nod. He swallows the residual water left in his mouth and tenderly pulls out of you. You hear the thud of his footsteps quiet down as he nears the marui door, and then the splash of the water when he dives into the rough sea.

It’s pouring outside.

Storming, actually. Thundering and lightning. Yet he feels this is the only way he’d be able to resist the urge to storm back in and fuck you. But the instinct to protect his mate, even if it’s from himself, is more than enough to give him the willpower to walk away.

You take this moment to just breathe, turning your head to face the plush bed beneath you as you gather your thoughts. Did he just show that much restraint? Enough to walk away from a female na’vi during her heat cycle… all whilst in the height of his own rut cycle?

“Lekye’ung [insane]” You mutter, using your trembling hand to grab and bring the cup to your lips. They, too, are sore and chapped. Having gone so many hours without any food or water, you knock it back, shaking the cup to get out every drop. Finished already? You think to yourself, looking inside the cup with hazed vision, confirming it’s indeed empty.

After setting it back down onto the table, you slump back into the bedhead, relaxing your body. You’re sore. Actually, sore is an understatement. Every single muscle and fiber in your body burns—and that isn’t entirely due to your heat either now that it’s finally subsiding. Perhaps you should be taking this time to have a look at your… condition, but you’re finding it harder and harder to keep your eyes open.

So you give in, sinking further and further into the bed as you doze off.

—

A few hours go by and Ralak returns with a net of fish thrown over his shoulder and a bucket of fresh water perched on his hip. He carefully sets down the bucket and rests the net next to the fire pit. He’s cautious not to wake you, nor come too close to you. Ralak ignites the fire and fans the flame. As quietly as possible, he prepares and cooks the fish, setting them aside to wrap in the leaves of a spartan tree.

Since coming to Awa’atltu, one of your biggest adjustments—despite the obvious—has been your change in diet. Fish weren’t uncommon back home, but they certainly weren’t the main source of food. You prefer the other foods here, your favourite being what you call ‘inland boar’, which is an animal that resembles what your father calls a ‘pig’ from his star.

But not even that, (boar) could smell better than this (fish).

The aroma alone rouses you from your sleep.

Your eyes open to a dark room and a glowing fire pit. The fire is out but the wood remains hot, shifting among different shades of orange and red. Ralak sits beside it, with his back leaning against the support beam of the pod. His arms are crossed over his chest and his knees are slightly bent. It’s hard to see more than just his silhouette with the lack of moonlight.

“That smells good.” You rasp. Ralak’s eyes fly open to reveal a familiar shade of deep blue. Like the sea. They glow and flicker before you, examining you now that you’re sitting up out of bed.

Crack.

A bolt of lightning strikes in the distance, illuminating the room. For a moment, you were able to see every single bike mark, scratch and bruise you’ve given him. It also reveals that he’s shaking. Trembling from being wet and cold, or possibly from the strain he was putting himself through from just being in the same room as you.

Ralak moves quickly, shuffling to his feet and going right for the leaf that holds a few sloppily rolled fish. He brings it to you, setting it slowly on your lap, being overly cautious not to touch you. Grabbing your cup on the table, he dunks it in the bucket and sets it beside you.

“Eat.” He whispers, backing away to sit next to the pit. You watch as he slides down the beam and into a sitting position, and then glance down at your food. Saliva pools in your mouth from the aroma wafting up your nose.

You’re hungry.

“Thank you.” You say quietly, hastily stuffing an entire roll into your mouth.

You moan as you chew, nodding your head from how good it tastes. It’s hard to swallow, given that you bit off more than you could chew—literally—but when it finally goesdown you feel your stomach grumble for more. Ralak watches you intently. A wince screwing his face with every swallow he witnesses. And when you finish, you chug down your water and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.

Another crack of lightning strikes, and then a low, lengthy rumble of thunder follows.

“That was… one of the best you’ve made, lak.” You say with a wobbly smile, slowly getting on your feet to wash your hands. The bucket is nearby your mate, who is still fixed in position. Although he remains unmoving, his eyes follow your every move. You shake your hands to dry them and shuffle over to Ralak and sit next to him.

“so… how do you feel?” You ask quietly, raising your hand to check if he’s feverish. He turns his head before your hand can make contact with his skin and his gaze locks onto the charred wood in the fire pit. 

“Fine.” Ralak mutters.

Eyebrows pinching in confusion, you tilt your head to try and look him in the eye. Your brows relax when you come to the realisation that he’s already taken care of himself. And only Eywa knows how many times.

“You know, you didn’t have to do that. I would have—”

“Ma’ muntxate [my wife]”He croaks, swiftly turning his head to look directly into your eyes. “Oeru txoa livu [please forgive me].”

“Txoa? [forgive?] What for, ma’ muntxatan? [husband]”

“I have… neglected you.” He’s struggling to speak. You can hear it in the strain of his voice.

Regardless, none of his words are really making any sense to you right now. How has he been neglectful? Despite the circumstances, it’s obvious he’s been trying his hardest to be good to you. Somehow, even conjuring up the strength to pull out of you and walk away.

“Ralak. You have not. Please, I—”

“Look at yourself.” He snaps, taking a quick glance at your body before dropping his head in his hands.

Crack.

Conveniently, another strike of lightning and boom of thunder, revealing exactly what he’s talking about. For a few seconds, you’re met with the sight of your battered body—scabbed and bruised. You lift your head, staring at his shameful demeanour. But the more you stare, the more you see your own reflection.

“And have you looked at yourself?” Your words bounce as you shuffle closer to him. “I bet you can’t even feel all that damage I’ve done to you.” You coo, using your thumb to gently graze past an easy six-inch scratch mark on his bicep. “I haven’t been so gentle with you either.”

Ralak shakes his head, allowing it to sink further into his hands. “You were starved.” He mumbles into the palms of his hands.

You sigh, pulling your knees to your chest and resting your chin in the dip between them. Your eyes wander over to the fire pit, catching sight of the outline of a few fish rolls.

Has he really punished himself by not eating?

“Have you eaten?” You ask, resting a gentle hand on his back.

“No need.”

“You should, you know. Don’t want you starving on me, lak.” You say lightheartedly, allowing your hand to slide up his spine and to the base of his skull.

He lets loose a quiet groan, fighting the twitch of his ears. Your fingers smooth over the base of his kuru, playing with the braid encasing that covers it. “If you do that—”

“Do what?” You whisper coyly, quickly running your hand down the length of his kuru.

His spine immediately straightens, his head lifting from his hands. The tips of your fingers gently make their way to his tendrils, carefully teasing them as they try to wrap around your digits. He sucks in a sharp breath and closes his eyes, allowing a shiver to run through him. It feels like your fingers were inside his skull, tickling his brain in the best way possible. 

Reaching for your kuru with your free hand, you bring it up and over your shoulder. You lean into Ralak, your lips only inches away from his. You pull away your fingers to grip and pull his queue forth. The loss of contact has him sitting up straight, opening his eyes to look at you.

“I will not let you suffer alone.” You whisper, lessening the distance between the two of you, tilting your head to the side ever so slightly. He stills himself, even limiting his own breath so as not to make any sudden moves. “Okay?”

You wait for just a moment. For him to say something. To move away. But he remains stock-still, waiting for you to initiate this. You smile, your top teeth briefly rubbing against this lower lip, and lock your lips with his. He exhales through his nose, coming to life from your kiss and returning it full force. You take this as a good sign. A sign that you’ve broken through that wall once again, and bring your kurus together — making tsaheylu [the bond].

Both your eyes fly open, blown pupils staring into one another as your spirits unify. You both pull back, shoulders and chests heaving from your quick, unsteady breaths. You feel all that he feels – the frustration, the panic, the tension. It’s all fading, now finally nearing the end. He feels your subsiding heat, your soreness, your overpowering urge to care for him.

Before another second could pass, your lips crash into each other again—tongues intertwining as they explore one another’s mouth. Using his hand to support your upper back, he slowly lowers you onto the woven floor, parting your legs with his free hand. He situates himself between them, pressing his crotch firmly against yours. He’s warm, just like the toasty fire pit next to you.

I will try to be gentle. Ralak thinks to you, just like he’s been promising to be night after night.

I know you will. You smile, moving your kisses down his jawline as he slides his hands between your sticky pelvises.

——

It hasn’t even been two full weeks since the synchronous heat that had you and your mate locked away in your marui pod for a little over two days. Your back and thighs–and honestly everywhere else– still ache but outside of that, you feel like a brand new person. You weren’t able to confidently say that Ralak feels the same way, however.

Of course, he was adamant on limiting intimacy until you were ‘healed and recovered’. But, he had a bounce in his step. As if he were physically lighter. As if the weight of six years of pent up sexual frustration and self neglect melted off his back when you satiated the ‘insatiable’.

The constant aftercare was almost sickening. Even after most of your marks had faded he remained adamant on treating them with your own omaticayan herbs from back home. He praised them at every use, thanking your people for making such exceptional ’umtsa [medicine].

But as you entered the second week, after tons of reassurance, things dissipated and went back to normal. Ralak went back to his usual routine—fishing, hunting, responding to a few calls to Tonowari and your father. Ralak, without a doubt, made a vow to you and himself not to initiate anything until you were more than healed. But nonetheless clung to you in the nights.

He even, in fact, added a new step into your usual nighttime regimen. As usual, it began with the snuggles and tucking you under his arm just right, providing you with enough warmth to endure the cool night air. Then, he would release the perfect amount of pheromones to get you drowsy enough for bed.

But recently, he’s spent the past seven nights delaying the nightly routine until he’s had his fill of your scent. He’d lay himself down on your chest, nuzzling his face into your bosom and just breathe. You allowed it, thinking it was his own newfound way to wind down for bed.

Yet, the real reason was much different.

——

Right on the two week mark, Tsireya had roped you in with helping her with some of her Tsakrem duties. You were always happy to help her though, as it meant getting away from the marui pod for a little even if it meant being poked and prodded at.

And it certainly didn’t take long for that to happen.

Tsireya lets out a frustrated sigh and plops the medicinal pouch she’s weaving in her lap.  “I can no longer ignore it, y/n. You smell different.”

You lift your head, tearing your focus from your task of weaving and look at her with a puzzled expression on your face. You bring the end of your tail to your nose and sniff, but smell… nothing. “Like what?” Her brows lower and her eyes glisten with concern. She purses her lips and unsheathes the lengthy pin from its casing and grabs your hand. “Here we go.” You mutter to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut as you anticipate the sting.

Prick.

“Sss—ah! You need to be careful with how deep you go with that, you know. You could really—” The tsahik in training puts the wooden stick to her tongue and stares at you wide eyed, mouth agape. It’s as if she wants to speak but the words are lodged in her throat. “What? What is it?”

“You—perhaps I am wrong.” She stutters, quickly sheathing the tool back into its casing. “You should see my mother, y/n.”

“What? Why? Just tell me.” The words come out in a haste, and your voice is laced with panic. Do you have some sort of disease of the sea? Is there a cure? 

“You — you are with child.” Her lips tremble as she says the words in an uncertain tone of voice.

“What?” You stare at her dumbfounded, a little caught off guard by her choice of words.

“Pregnant. You’re pregnant. But I am likely mistaken. I am only in training. Which is why I said you should see my moth—”

“Oh. No. You’re… you’re probably right, Tsireya.” You swallow the spit pooling in your cheeks, avoiding eye contact.

“H-How? I mean. I know how. But how? Surely Ralak knows not to do such a thing during your heat. He can control himself. R-Right?”

“Right. If I were the only one… in heat.” You say the last few words under your breath, fixing your shawl before picking back up your task.

“What do you mean?” Tsireya leans in with a tilted head, looking a little closer at your covered shoulder. “Did you help him with his rut?” Tsireya asks bluntly. “He’s been unmated for six years, y/n. Did you reall—”

“I am his mate. Of course I did.” You nearly snap, baffled by the tone she’s having with you.

“H-How did that even work?” Tsireya shakes her head, slowly raising her hand towards you.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You finally lift your head to shoot her a puzzled, yet offended stare. “It worked like it would for any other Na’vi.”

“Y/n…” Tsireya quickly grabs your shawl, pulling it off your shoulder to reveal a large, deep and scabbed up bite mark. It looks almost infected because of the strange omaticayan herbal concoction smeared over it. “You should have just let him ease you into it. Look at you, you’re all bruised and—”

“Tsireya.” You interject, “thank you for the concern, but—” you aggressively pull up your shawl, “I feel just fine. Besides, being in heat was the best way to ‘ease me into it’…He was as gentle as he could be.” You mutter, twiddling with the twine as you think back to the way he tried to handle you with care.

“By the looks of it, he was anything but gentle with you.” Tsireya seethes, angry that the man she grew up looking at like a brother would do something like this to you.

You wince at her words. They’re like a knife to the heart.

A long, awkward silence fills the space between you and Tsireya. She reflects on everything she’s said, realising that perhaps she was a little more harsh than needed. She softens her gaze, “I’m sorry. I should not have said that. I just hate seeing you hurt.”

“I get it. I know you’re just looking out for me. It’s alright, ‘reya.”

You exchange lighthearted smiles.

“You are definitely pregnant then. After six years, he must have really filled you—”

“Tsireya!” You laugh, giving her shoulder a light shove.

Tsireya’s grin morphs into a more serious expression. “See mother to make sure. Okay?”

Your smile also fades into something softer as you nod your head in agreement. “Okay.”

[ryanguzmansource]

Full Audio Transcript (5.21.24)

Hey guys, welcome to I've Never Said This Before with me, Tommy Didario.

If you are not watching 9-1-1 on ABC, you are seriously missing out. The show is so phenomenal that it has been renewed for an eighth season and, my guest today—well, he is phenomenal as well. In fact, he is on my show because of you. I saw all of the tweets, the DMs, the emails—all of it so, like a genie in a bottle, your wish has been granted.

The talented actor Ryan Guzman stars in the smash hit firefighter drama series 9-1-1 and audiences fell in love with his character, Eddie, the moment he debuted in Episode 1 of Season 2. Man, he has become a staple on the show and fans have been rooting for Eddie throughout the years, and Ryan plays each moment of Eddie's journey with such care and vulnerability and truth.

We have a lot to cover today and I have a feeling you're going to really enjoy this fun but also personal and deep conversation. We do dive into some very serious mental health conversations, so after the interview, I will be providing resources for anyone struggling with their own mental health. This is one of the most powerful interviews I have ever done, and I really thank Ryan for opening up in the ways that he did today because I know that he is going to help so many people out there feel less alone.

So, let's see if we can get Ryan to say something he has never said before.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Ryan, my friend, how are you doing today?

I'm good, brother. How are you?

I'm good. I know you have been working your butt off. You were just saying you were filming all night. Are you exhausted or are you on adrenaline right now?

A little mixture of both. I got a little coffee pumped through my system. But yeah, I think I worked six out of seven days this last week. We've been doing around 14, 15 hour days. And I just got off last night around 1.30 in the morning. So got home around 2.30. But we're here. We're here.

Well, you were putting in the work. Congratulations to you on all of the success with this show. It's of course now on ABC. People are loving it. The numbers are going insane. And you've always been a fan favorite from day one. When you had that first scene of you putting that shirt on in slow motion and your body was glistening and Whatta Man was playing, people just fell in love with your character. But that's not just why they love your character. I mean, over the seasons, people have found you so relatable and and really, really are truly invested in the role that you play. Why do you think that is?

I like to say that, I mean, I try to play as grounded as I can, but I think the story itself is just the way Tim Minear writes the character. And I think he's always had a special connection with this kind of character. So, just indebted to how he writes and the connectivity between Eddie and his son. I mean, it's just like it pulls at the heartstrings, you know, and that's always been a fan favorite as well. So, you know, I'm living in gratitude for everything that's been written for that character and I try to do as much justice as I can.

Well, you're nearing the end of Season 7 and past seasons for you have been a bit heavier, a bit more intense. You've really gone through quite a lot of things that we'll touch on a bit later, which I know is also part of the reason why so many people relate to you. Are you enjoying this journey this season?

Yeah, you know what? I haven't really been able to kind of flex my humorous side and just kind of lightheartedness, kind of a vibe about Eddie, and I love that aspect of him. So while everybody else is kind of going through chaos, while Cap is going through chaos, Eddie is kind of, you know, trying to keep everybody together while, you know, Chimney and Hen be going at it during the tsunami and The Poseidon Adventure, Eddie is just, you know, being there for everybody as much as he can. So not to say that he's always going to be happy because Tim always has this thing about saying, you know, if I just let you guys be happy, then there'd be no story. You got to have some kind of drama. Nobody wants to show up just for people smiling all the time. But yeah, we've got some things in store for the rest of the season. And from what we've already shot, I've been super pleased about, you know, this new way of life for Eddie.

Like I said, the things you've gone through are intense throughout the years. Do you have any fear stepping into this role or any anxiety before you had to film some of those more intense scenes? Because it's a lot.

Yeah, you know what? Prior to 9-1-1, I might have had some fears about the depth of a lot of the things that we shot. I honestly didn't really call myself an actor until like maybe three and a half years ago.

No.

Yeah. I thought I was just fooling everybody, trying to get jobs and land the movies that I was getting. And then I think somewhere around the third season, a co-star of mine kind of, like, metaphorically slapped me in the face and said, you know, let's really get into this, man. You got some really good opportunity here. So that's when I started calling myself an actor. But to be honest, the depth of Eddie in the past three, four seasons has been amazing as just a class. It's been class for me. It's been an opportunity to flex these emotions that I don't get to flex in my day-to-day life and to access certain things and see how far can I push Eddie, how, you know, in the scene where Eddie is just losing his stuff and he's breaking everything in his house. Obviously, I've never done it in my house, but how do I get there? How can I allow the audience to feel what I'm feeling? And that task itself becomes a challenge. And I really [like] that type of challenge. So again, living in gratitude for all the little things that Eddie presents that, you know, I haven't really been presenting my own life.

So with that being said, is there a storyline that's particularly special to you for any given reason?

I kind of lean automatically towards the military/PTSD just because I have a cousin who served six tours and, you know, he shared with me—and I actually, oddly enough, during the episode of Eddie Begins, I brought him on as a military tech and he helped out everybody in the production. His name is Randy Hudson. I, you know, I love that guy to death—but, yeah, he's shared with me a lot of his issues that he's gone through and a lot of the obstacles he's gone through in his day to day life and what it's like to be a military vet coming back and kind of assimilating back into civilian lifestyle. So that storyline always kind of held a special place in my heart just because it was very close connected with me and my own family. And I always hope that, you know, I did it justice enough for everybody that has that story ingrained in them.

I think you definitely did. I saw a lot of comments when I announced you as my guest saying that that was a very meaningful part of your journey on this show. I'm so curious, you know, quite often in television it moves so fast, there's always rewrites or so much going on. Was there ever a story that you wanted to come to fruition that never did?

I hated the fact that we killed off Shannon so quick. I know she wasn't a very likable character for so many different reasons, but I always loved working with Devin. So I would love to explore a little bit more with that. But yeah, there's always beauty and chaos a little bit. So I would have loved the relationship, mother, father, parenting style aspect of Eddie's life to be a more explored, but unfortunately that can't happen anymore.

There's always so many things going on. I'm sure it's hard to fit them into each episode, and I'm sure things do have to get cut because major things keep happening episode after episode, one of them being recently, of course, Buck realized he's Bi and that's a storyline everyone's going crazy over. Did you see that coming? Were you like, I think one day this is going to happen for him?

Well, I mean, it's always kind of been in the ether. Everybody, you know, all the fans, you know, have their speculations about Eddie and Buck and, you know, for the longest time, I think Oliver and I again had lightheartedness to it. We always kind of like saw it as like, oh, at least they're so interested in our characters. Thank God they're interested in our characters. They're not ignoring us, and I don't know if either of us had a pinpoint, you know, idea on which character or if any character would actually lead in that way.

But again, all credit to Tim Minear. He's the one that knows the way. So he chose Buck's character to explore that route. And now seeing it happen in front of our eyes, it makes so much sense. And it just the way him, Buck and Tommy are getting together and the way they're exploring their own individuality and personality. It's beautiful to watch. I was very excited to see, you know, that episode specifically, just for the fact that it was such a moment between, you know, a friend and another friend who had held this huge secret. And how do you come out to your friend?

I had a friend, you know—because I know I've had this actually in my own personal life. I've said this in prior interviews—I had a friend who was deadly scared of coming out to me. And I realized that that moment itself wasn't so much the journey for me, you know, it was this hard journey for himself. And all I had to do was catch. I just had to be there for him, and I was like, that moment itself is so beautiful. I can't wait to do that scene. I can't wait to, you know, show the world like this is how you be there for your brother.

Wow, how cool that you could pull from your real life experience and make that scene even more special, which is why I think it came off so incredibly powerful. It really was so cool to see. And the reception has been absolutely incredible in terms of people feeling like, you know, they're seen through that character and it's on prime-time TV. And you don't see a ton of that, which is still kind of crazy. But, you know, and of course, there were some negative comments, which blows my mind. I mean, I'm sure that blew your mind, too, to see that because who cares, right?

Honestly, I've got this now filter for negative comments. They just kind of seep right through and I don't even hold on to anything. So all I've seen is really, really good comments.

And one of the best parts is actually I've gone to work and Oliver himself has been like telling me these stories of people saying, man, I did not have the strength to come out until way later on in my life. So I'm like, oh man, could you imagine 20, 30 years of holding on to this repressed thing and then it just eating away at you and not being able to say anything, even to the closest people and then seeing something on television to inspire you. That kind of thing is just like, whoa, okay, we're doing something much greater, much bigger than us.

He's not the only one inspiring its characters like you because you're showing, you know, what an ally means, and I think that's really cool to see this like macho, cool guy that's just like, cool, like who cares? And that's also equally as powerful and as important. Before we put a pin on this, you know, part of the conversation, you mentioned you never know what the writers are going to do, and I think there were talks at one point of possibly Eddie being the one to come out in some sort of way. Do you laugh and have fun with all of the fandom's obsession with you as Eddie and Buck getting together? Like, is that something you guys always are seeing and hearing? And I know everyone brings it up to you and it's something that's always looming. Like, how do you react to that? Does it ever get tiring for you?

Again, if the fans are interested, we're doing our job. So I love the love. And I mean, unfortunately, I'm not the one that writes it. So it's all up to Tim. But me and Oliver have a really good time with the fact that, you know, people are so invested into these storylines. And in fact, they're so invested, they're creating their own storylines. They're sending us clips and edits and videos. And, you know, every now and then, Oliver will show me something, I'll show Oliver something. Like, did we actually do this in a scene? Because they cut it so well together.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I think at the end of the day, you know, we just love the love. We're here to entertain and tell the truth. If it's true to the character, then yeah.”

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

You can't predict the future. Nobody can on this show. But if the opportunity one day happened to come your way where they were like, this storyline might be explored between Buck and Eddie, would you be open to that storyline in the future? I see you smiling. I see Oliver had the same reaction, a big ass grin on his face when I asked this.

Yeah, you know, like I said, it's got to live in the truth and I think right now we live in a moment—or me, I live moment to moment—so I love the fact that the biggest plot point between these two characters is one happens to be Bi, one happens to be Hetero, and they have this vulnerability towards each other. And that is the truth to me is it's the fact that you have such a safe space and it doesn't matter your sexuality, that you have a safe space to talk to this individual and he can fully accept you. If we can stay with that, then whatever happens, happens.

But I don't necessarily want to push the fact that because you're vulnerable, you have to be one way or the other in your sexuality. Then I would hate to have a lot of other men who are struggling mentally and not sure about, oh, do I even open up? Because will that make me something that I'm not? I would hate to push that narrative. So if we live in the truth, whatever happens, happens. And again, I'm here for it all.

Whatever happens, happens. That's a nice way to put it. And I agree with you. I think there's power in both. I think there's power in showing a strong friendship that you don't always get to see. And then there's power if something eventually does happen. So whatever happens, happens. I like that, man. What can we expect for the rest of the season with your characters? Anything you can tease? The finale is coming up. We have a couple more weeks. What can we expect?

What can we expect? Well, we can expect that Eddie's smiles might turn to frowns.

Oh no.

Or at least confusion, maybe. We'll start to see, you know, has he gotten past certain traumas? Or is he just kind of pushed them to the side and acting like they're not there?

You know, I have to say a lot of people are still holding on to hope that we're going to get that karaoke scene.

I mean, yeah, we had such a good time playing that karaoke scene, and it was kind of a let down a little bit to know that it wasn't going to be in there. But now, again, looking at the episode itself, as fun as it would be, the main story was Chimney. And the way Kenneth Choi played Chimney, and that episode specifically—I mean, I think he got, you know, performance of the week for that—it would have been a disservice to add, you know, a three-minute scene of us laughing and having a great time and being drunks and karaoke and take away from that performance. So I'm glad that Tim made that decision, and I don't know if he has any plans on showing that later on or whatnot or having some extended clip version, but I can tell you this much, everybody from the cast to the crew to the background had a wild and crazy time doing that scene.

And I think what I just heard you say is you might accidentally drop it on your Instagram very soon.

I might get fired if I do that.

All right. Well, we'll see. I'll talk to ABC PR. No problem. What do you want to see for season eight? Like, are you thinking about the future? Is there like, OK, if I can have my way, I absolutely want to explore blank.

To be honest, there's so much going at us so rapid, so fast paced at this moment. The scripts are getting handed in like quick as can be. So we have a moment's notice to kind of know what we're doing and where we're going with our character. From what I know, from what I've shot thus far, I think next season will literally be a refresh button to Eddie. And starting over in so many different ways, so many new ways in which Eddie has never explored and we've never seen Eddie explore. He'll be on his own in a lot of areas.

Speaking of that, I have to bring up season five, the mental health breakdown, man. That was intense. And a lot of people felt very connected to that. How was it stepping into that scene for you and that storyline? Because it's pretty powerful.

Thank you. Man, that was cathartic, to be honest. It was I've gone through my own mental health issues as far as like, you know, my own depression and anxiety, and, you know, I was raised in an age where men aren't vulnerable and aren't allowed to show feelings. So that kind of repression is like a ticking time bomb, you know, especially for a person in Eddie's life, or his lifestyle. So to kind of relinquish this boundary of who Ryan is and step into Eddie and just kind of just full-on dive deep into these this well of emotion, it was, it was almost like therapy. It was crazy because, you know, from the second they started to say rolling, it's like my—I started to, you know, start bawling and crying, and when Buck comes in and, you know, he's trying to check in on me and the whole room is just all scattered around and I'm losing it—it's just like there was no semblance of Ryan anymore. It was just all Eddie and he was just lost, and that's what it is.

It's like if I were to look at my son, you know, five year old son, that's kind of what we revert back to is just this child that is just so scared and not having any sense of direction and—or hope that anybody will ever love him or ever see him. And it's just these like, you know, existential fears that come out within those tears, and that was my goal to portray that whole scene and then the scene following it. So to get there was just let go, just let go.

Well, the work you did was clearly honest and raw and vulnerable. You can't fake the work that you did in that. And it was really a powerful man for many people to kind of go through that with you and for people who have had their own experiences. And you're right, like, I'm from an old school Italian family. And, you know, you grow up thinking men don't go through that and men don't show those emotions. So to have that on prime-time TV is huge.

Yeah, I hope that helped out a lot of people. I hope that people were actually able to see that and at least, you know, go to their best guy friend, and, you know, I think that's what really needs to happen. As far as men, we need to lean on each other. You know, women have their own issues and they have their certain way of connecting with each other, but there's a special connection that you can have with your brother. And I give so much credit to quite a few of my personal brothers—including my actual brother—for allowing me to run to them in my moments of need, in my moments of feeling lost. And them, you know, being men themselves, not having to say one thing to me.

Or they can just, you know, if they see me in a moment of, you know, deep into a problem, they have the ability to say, well, here's a solution. And since I'm, you know, of like mind, I can be like, okay, you know what? Thank you for giving me some kind of direction. So yeah, I implore all men out there to kind of at least have one or two in your corner, you know, because we can't get anywhere without community.

Absolutely. What have you most learned about yourself through playing this character for so many years? You know, you joined in season two. It's been a lot of years now under your belt. Have you thought about that? Have you learned anything through playing, Eddie?

I've learned a lot through Eddie. I've learned patience. He's a—you know, he has a sense of patience that I didn't have in the beginning even prior to being a father, you know, and then kids itself, they teach you how to be patient. So, yeah, I've learned how to be there as a father. Kind of oddly enough, it was just living as one onscreen prior to actually being one in real life, it gave me, say, practice. I get to practice on television what I get to implore with my own children. And, you know, even if it's the worst thing for Eddie, you know, and I see him doing something horrible, at least I come back home, like, well, that can't happen. I can't do that with my kids. So, yeah, and in so many ways, it's helped me grow as a man, let alone a father.

That's pretty awesome when you can take things away from your job like that and become a better person. I love that so much. Can you believe you've been on the show for so long now? Do you ever think like, damn, that's not normal. That's the rarity in the business. So is that a cool feeling for you?

Yeah, I literally just had that moment yesterday. We were filming a scene, all of us, the whole cast, and I'm sitting outside—I can't tell you the location, that's going to blow something—I'm sitting outside one of the sets and I just had that moment to myself. I'm like, oh my God, I'm actually here. How did I get so lucky to be on not only just a television show, the number one television show out there, where we're in our seventh season and we're creating numbers that people don't even get in their first season? So again, if there's a moment to tap into, let's get into that gratitude again and just be super thankful that I was lucky enough to land this.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

That is so cool, and that's why I have no doubt you'll continue having so much success in your career and in your personal life because you keep bringing up gratitude, and it's very evident that's something you lead your life with. And in fact, I saw a recent Instagram post where you give a beautiful tribute to Twitch, and you credit him with being able to form connection with people in your life now and to different things and places, and I thought that was such a beautiful way to show people that you're working on yourself and you're a work in progress and that he helps you kind of open your eyes. So that was a really cool moment for you to also reveal.

Thank you, yeah. Yeah, I believe so much of the world right now is showcasing a polished version of themselves. And to be honest, I did it myself for so long that I've become tired of it, and I would much rather get to the raw—the raw, the unfiltered, the, you know, the mess ups, the, you know—I've stuck my foot in my mouth too many times. I've done, you know, stupid things in my life, and I never want to present myself as a person that does everything great because there's so many things I suck at.

So I think there's an opportunity within that rawness to invite others to become raw themselves, and for us to see that, you know, we're not competing with each other, we're competing with ourself and our own image of ourself and friends like, you know, a brother like, like Twitch, you know, and—not understanding what he was going through and that lack of connectivity that I always, you know, felt but never acted on, which again, I felt imposter syndrome for so long of calling him my brother. It really struck a chord in me and now I can't go backwards. Now I'm propelled forward to be like, is this conversation authentic between us or are we just kind of saying what we have to say just so we can pass on to the next person and create whatever that is? And I'm not here for that. I would much rather have that depth and I'd much rather have that rawness.

Beautifully said and a perfect segue into what I want to finish this conversation with, which is based off the title of the show: I've Never Said This Before. So I'm wondering, is there anything that comes to mind that you want to share today that you've never shared before?

Uh. Huh. Yeah, you know what? I've been thinking about this for so long and there's so many things, you know, that come to mind. One specifically, and I've been hesitant to actually say any of this for so long because, you know, it's been years upon years.

About six and a half, seven years ago—and I've really never said this out loud, especially onto a public platform—I had my own mental health crisis and I tried at one point in time to take my own life. And luckily, it didn't work. Luckily, I got a second chance by the grace of God. And from that moment forward, I've taken each step as an opportunity to erase what got me there and build on what allowed me to live forward. So I would say that that moment itself, in addition to what happened to my brother Twitch, are probably the two biggest fundamental moments of my entire life and have allowed me to have a deeper sense of mercy and empathy towards every individual.

So I would implore that all men renounce this fact of, you know, you're a tough man, you have to hold all this in, but lean on your brother, really lean on your brother. And if your brothers aren't being there in the way they need to be, find some new ones. Because that's another thing, if you don't have the people that are conducive to a healthy lifestyle and you're keeping on to them because of loyalty, let them go. There's plenty of other people. There's people that have been through your situation before that are willing and more than willing, you know, to help. So yeah, that was a big one.

Man, first of all, thank you for sharing something so personal and close to your heart with me today. I feel honored that you did open up and share that. And I'm truly—God, this could be another half hour conversation, so I'll keep it short—but I'm truly grateful that you are spreading that message today for anybody listening because, you know, mental health is a crisis and I think people sometimes look at you, they look at me, they think everything's perfect. We are, you know, in this public space and what can be wrong?

And when you humanize real shit like that, it makes people feel less alone. And you got through it, you realize that wasn't the right way to go about it and your life forever changed for the better, and I'm truly grateful that you put that message out today because you have no idea how many people you're going to be helping with that. And I truly know that that's something that's not easy to get off your chest. And for that, I thank you and I know so many people will be thanking you, and I hope you feel kind of like a little bit of a weight lifted that you share that hopefully.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to understand what I'm feeling at the moment. But I hope in what you said is true. And I hope that, again, I would love to do more for mental health, especially for men, I mean, just in general, to be honest. But yes, I hope that there is a new wave out there that's kind of taking over that we can actually have some cohesiveness and connection, a true understanding of what connection is. Let's revisit that. So this issue isn't a common issue anymore. If we can take that down, then let's do it. I'm here for it.

Beautifully said, and thank you again for sharing that. I could talk to you for hours, especially leaving with that. I think you're such a cool person. And you watch people, I get to talk to people all the time. But this to me was a real conversation, and that's what I value. That's why I have a show called I've Never Said This Before, and I want to talk about the projects that the fans love, but also leave room to talk about things that matter. I don't think there's enough of that. So I truly thank you for hanging out, for coming on, for talking about the fun of 911, which we all love, and it's killing it in every way, but also sharing a little piece of you. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I have.

Thanks for having me, my man. Yeah, I had a great time.

Thank you, and remind everyone where, how, when, all the things about your show.

Yes, please watch Thursdays at 8 on ABC.

All right, and stay tuned for the karaoke scene that you just promised you will be dropping.

Yeah, maybe when I'm fired again.

All right, man, until we meet again, take care.

All right, brother.

[ketterdamskaelishprince]

ada's spectre, and why i'll likely always feel sad about it

here is the promised analysis/talk about ada's spectre. going to preface this by saying i obviously don't know the true intent behind everything and her design, i just like to look, giggle and then make sad little observations which just help me love this silly webcomic even more. so if you disagree with me on something– totally ok! i love to learn and i love to see different interpretations.

there's also a few bits i missed out because i wrote this all last night in a bit of a haze, and i cannot be bothered to expand on some of my ideas, especially when it's just stuff like "BROS SO PARANOID AND RAW RIGHT NOW".

anyways, here we go :) @mugcereal this one's for u pookie <3

so i think with ada's spectre, we first need to look at the instance as to how she gets it, because that always makes things way more sad!

to specify, she turns into her spectre at episode 69, and i think it's really sad how she does it. she basically gets a string of roasts from prospero that go along the lines of calling her "conceited" "twadry" and "... and stupid!" – effectively throwing back in ada's face what she believes everyone thinks of her.

(obviously, as a very big and glaring sidenote, i believe prospero is aro/ace or just aromantic so OBVIOUSLY i am not bashing him for this. bros told her so many times that he doesn't want to be with her, let alone to be touched. that is a flaw in ada's character and is a reminder to us on the importance of boundaries!!!!)

so, ada is basically there, collapsed on the floor in a robe– effectively showing the most intimate and private part of herself as an insecure and lonely girl. and that's when she transforms.

i think it's interesting to understand how this most likely links to her life and how she died. so we know she was killed with an axe, most likely by the man she fell in love with and worked for, and how prospero's words in this situation, hurt her just the same as the words before her death. why?

because they remind ada of what she knows and fears she is: just a stupid, fake and cheap person who will never have the same status and respect as the people she pretends to be and surrounds herself by.

i think it's also interesting that she's clutching her stomach/torso here, and correct me if i'm wrong but that could be a potential signal to the part of her that was axed to death (?). no idea if that's a good shout or not but it's what i first thought!

anyways! now we move onto her spectre design!

first of all, her spectre design eats. like just a personal side note, i love it. it's just so gorgeous and i don't care if she's terrifying to some because to ME? to me, she's my gorgeous little pookie who can scream and show people their worst fears and she looks amazing whilst she does it <3

ok anyways, actual design.

to first understand her design, i thought i'd show you what banshee's traditionally in folklore look like!

typically, they are described in two ways. the first way is a youthful women with long black hair, blue eyes and just super pale. this description could also lose the blue eyes and just keep the black hair– either way the first depiction of a banshee is a super young woman.

this is not the one we're focussing on today folks!

we're going to focus on the second depiction. a hag/ old woman, with red cheeks, a grey cloak and a green dress, often seen to be combing her hair. banshee's throughout folklore are known to wail, scream and cry when a family member had died. to most, the banshee was a sign that death was coming to your household and they are known in myths and folklore as a predictor of death.

now, hold onto the green dress and look at ada's design real quick for me.

here we see a lot of green, which yay! definitely shows signs it comes from the second depiction. i think, on top of it being a nod to the second depiction, i think it could also be an allusion to something else: jealousy.

green symbolism in media can often vary, from meaning new life, luck and also jealousy. and i think if we take in the things ada screams whilst in her spectre form, such as this from episode 82:

you see there definitely is some sort of jealousy there, but this isn't something i necessarily want to focus on, it's just an observation i made that may or may not be true!

anyways, to continue, i want to look at ada's outfit when she's a banshee. i'm going to basically be making my notes i took last night look nicer.

(keep in mind that when i wrote these, my ideas were literally bouncing off my brain and sometimes they're a bit contradictory, but i think that's the beauty of my crack theory analysis!)

i think the act of almost showing her bones to the outside, there's a level of rawness to ada we don't usually see. her spectre form essentially gives her the power to scream out her anger, and by seeing her bones it's almost as if to say this is the ada she doesn't show people. this is the ada that she keeps to herself because god forbid anybody love her (because in life and death it's become abundantly apparent to her that nobody does seem to love that ada).

but then, what i thought was also a super cool thing as how the bones almost act like a corset!

then i got sad because i looked at the bows, and because something dawned on me and it made me start to frown. there was a sad realization to me as i looked at ada's spectre design that even in this all powerful form, she hasn't lost her insecurities, they just become more prevellant. because for all of the traditional wrinkles, hag-like appearance a banshee is meant to have, ada barely has any.

obviously this could be in part to character design and stuff, and yeah probably– but let me be sad!

because ada carries her frills and bows from life here because she doesn't want to be ugly, she doesn't want to be this creeping monster who rips apart people. because if she's not got her intelligence or status or anything going for her, she has her appearance and by god she's not going to let that go to waste. so here her spectre form is, a banshee.

so what must ada do? she must takes her frills and keep her insecurities, her fears and her crippling need to be loved.

another aspect which is super interesting is the stitching on her body. one one hand, it could be an allusion to her violent death, suggesting the man she fell in love with didn't just stop at axing her once, but just kept on fucking going (which, you know: fuck you, whoever you are).

but on the other hand, it could be a metaphor for ada's thinly veiled facade she puts on of being a prim and proper lady (which we actually, interestingly enough, see she looses a lot the more time she spends with montresor– opting to take parts of his language like "ain't" and "beggin'". this sort of leads on from previous ideas people have made of ada willing to change herself to be loved. she swaps civility for the wild wild west all for a bit of love).

ada offers up parts of herself in this metaphor. that's what she always does. she offers herself to the rich man she fell in love with, she offers herself up to prospero (again, look at the. side note. bro wasn't wrong for rejecting her he literally can't like her) and she offers herself up to the acolytes and she fucking barks for them (because i'm not over that).

piece by piece, she strips away everything she is until she literally is just skin and bone. and once she's torn herself apart, she needs to stitch herself back together– because it's against the facade she's put on to look so broken and messy. and so she repeats the cycle again, giving more and more until she is literally hanging on by a thread.

her powers are also super cool. traditionally, as i said, banshees wail when a family member is soon to die/has died, and is often like an omen/predictor of death. so yeah, ada having a banshee scream makes sense. but the whole 'fear itself' is also super cool. i kind of like that she has this– because its sort of satisfying for her, the girl who's been pushed over but still comes running back, to watch as people become paralysed with fear. idk, retribution or whatever.

i'm going to leave you with this not very profound thing i wrote last night (and then just some other mumblings):

i think that although spectres are super powerful and also just a very fantastic concept, they're also fragile. spectres are quite literally the monster inside of you. yet here ada's monster is, and with all her bows and revamped dress of a banshee (or potentially an allusion to her life as a maid) she tries desperately to be anything but that. because to here it's ugly and it's too much of her on display. and with some much of you on display comes the very fear that if you are hated, disliked or something repulsive, you no longer have anything to blame on anybody else. you just have yourself to blame.

(as morella says here in episode 88).

i'm not saying ada isn't deeply flawed, because she is. she has so much fucking baggage and insecurities that they literally forbid her from doing the right thing sometimes. i don't think she's a good person, but i also think that she has the opportunity to be a good person/ do a semi-good/ non-bad thing, and all she has to do is take it. but i also think it's nice how that's shown in her spectre design.

and, you know, if none of this makes sense, that's also fine!

anyways, yeah. somebody tell me never to make a random analysis at night again because it's a bit of a bitch to translate in the morning.

[neonpaperlanterns]

Don’t know if this has already been asked, but what about something along the lines of Player/Angel being a new character in the show that’s more of the token human that shows up. Getting the attention of resident best boy Dogday and whatnot?

[A/n: I hope you like this. Also I'm sorry that it's a bit short]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Food first

Standing up you stretch your arms above your head. A sigh leaves you as your back pops. Removing the headphones you rub at your throat as you meander out of the soundbooth. 

Checking your watch you take note that you’re been recording for the past three hours. With that amount of time you have most certainly earned a break. 

“Howdy there honorary Smiling critter.” You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face. DogDay was waiting for you outside of the booth. Since you started here at Playtime he’s been a delightful presence wherever you went. He really made your transition into the Smiling Critter show much easier.

“Hey there Day, I hope you weren’t waiting too long.” You asked a bit worried. It was so sweet of him to come see you but you didn’t want to waste his time.

“Nope, I just got here.” His voice was chipper as he fell in step beside you. “Actually I have a question for ya.” DogDay fiddled with the sun pendant that hung from his neck. You’ve noticed he did that when he was nervous.

“Oh?” Your head tilted to the side, curious. Out of the corner of your eye you saw his tail twitch. 

“Well I was wonderin if maybe you wanted to go over lines with me for the next episode.” Even though it was faint you could see a hint of red tinting his cheeks. His demeanor becoming almost bashful 

“I would like that.” You saw his ears perk up.

“Really?” He was practically vibrating with joy. You couldn’t help the small laugh that left you. He was just too cute when he was happy.

“Yes, really. Though before that would you like to grab something to eat with me?” He nodded vigorously. 

“Of course! I would love to.” DogDay was beaming down at you and you couldn’t help but return his enthusiasm. You listened as he listed off what the cafeteria was serving today. It wasn’t the most enticing food but that was okay. You were just happy to be eating with him. And who knows maybe you would be able to do this more often.

[lightininglydia]

The Interview - Drew Starkey

Summary: As the newest member of OBX S4, You have your first interview with the cast

Relationships: Drew Starkey X Fem!Reader, Platonic! Austin North X Reader, Platonic! Obx cast X Reader 

Warnings: Mentions of drinking but besides that just friends! To lovers, mutual pining and fluff <3 also not proof read mb it’s almost 3am 🤩

A/N: I am so in love with Drew Starkey like ONE chance sir please 🧎‍♀️ n e ways I hope y’all enjoy this :)

You shuffled your chair slightly to the right before sitting down, squinting your eyes due to the bright beams from the ring lights.

Leaning over slightly you looked at Drew “ What’s this one for again? “ you questioned, nerves building up in the pit of your stomach

This was your first cast interview

Drew leaned into your side “ It’s the question bowl thingy for Variety… we pick questions from the bowl, read them out loud and then answer them… there’s no actual interviewer so you’ll be fine “ he reassured

You offered him a soft smile, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach whenever he so much as breathed near you.

“ Alrighty guys I’m going to press start on the camera- Y/N if you could do the introduction and start us off that would be great “

You gave a small nod, taking the bowl from the camera man and leaning back in your seat

He waited a few seconds before giving you the 5-1 count down with his fingers

On one you beamed at the camera “ Hi- I’m Y/N Y/L/N “ you let everyone else introduce themselves “ And we’re the cast of outer banks! Today we’re going to be answering some questions we pick out of this bowl! “

You raised the bowl to show it off to the camera before reaching in and picking out a question, carefully placing the bowl on your lap before unrolling the question “ Who was your favourite cast member to work with this season and why “

Carlacia squealed “ Oooooh this one’s good- I think we’re all very curious to know the answer to this one especially considering you’re our newest addition “

A small laugh fell from your lips as you leaned forward slightly “ I think my answer is going to surprise you all… my favourite cast member to work with this season was Austin- it’s no secret that I am constantly rooting for Topper so getting to work with Austin and sort of soften Topper’s hatred for Pogues really made all of my scenes with him my favourite “

Austin beamed “ Me? Really? I definitely thought you were gonna say Drew or JD for that one- I’m actually so honoured right now “

A wide grin spread across your face “ Aww- Drew and JD are a close second but I honestly loved all of our scenes together… some of them are super emotional and deep and it was really fun to dive into those and give Topper some more depth “

Austin laughed “ Yeah because he definitely needed it after the stunt he pulled last season… gaslighter by The Chicks was definitely on my Topper playlist for season three- used it to channel Topper’s inner rage for John B and Sarah “

The entire cast burst out into a fit of laughter, including yourself as you felt your body finally ease and become comfortable within the environment

Drew reached towards you once the laughter finally died down, taking the bowl from your lap and carefully picking out a question “ What was your favourite episode to film? “

He pondered for a moment, his eyes trailing over to yours “ Episode 6… I think that’s when our characters finally meet and everything leading up to it is just so chaotic- Rafe is definitely going at it this season and I think six is probably the worst he’s ever been “

You turned to the camera, an amused look on your face “ Yeah episode six sure is something- also that’s your favourite!? If what I wanted to say wasn’t a spoiler I’d be going on a rant “

Rudy hummed “ Yeah episode six is insane especially for Rafe and Lily- is it your favourite because you got to spend so much time with Y/N- be honest! “ he teased

Drew’s face turned a soft shade of red as he rolled his eyes and turned his head away from the camera

Chase gasped “ It is! It sooooo is! “

A string of giggles fell from you lips as you leaned into him, resting your elbow on his shoulder “ Aww come on guys be nice! It’s not Drew’s fault I’m so pretty “ you beamed

Madison smiled at you, happy you seemed to become more comfortable as every minute passed.

Eventually the laughter and teasing died down, the bowl being passed around until it reached you again- eager to pull another question “ Who are you closest with from the cast? “

JD was the first to answer the question for you “ Drew hands down! “ he practically shouted as the rest of the cast jumped to agree

You playfully rolled your eyes at their antics “ I’m pretty close with EVERYONE “

A few of your cast members side eyed you for your answer before Madison spoke out “ That wasn’t the question! It says CLOSEST “

You huffed out a breath of air “ We all spend a lot of time together but I will say Drew and I have this like “ old people “ thing going on where we’ll sit at each other’s apartments and read all night… like we don’t really talk to each other we just bring a book, some wine and one of us puts on a really good playlist… we just sit there for hours and I think that’s bonded us in a really interesting way to where it’s more than just getting to know each other but more so solidified how comfortable we are with one another- so yeah I guess I’ll say Drew “

Madison cheered as Madelyn let out a soft laugh “ It’s such a weird thing to walk into… like I’ll just burst into one of their apartments and see them sitting there with a book in one hand and a glass of wine in the other completely silent besides the music and they won’t even notice me until I either turn the music off or take a book from one of them “

Drew smiled “ It was really nice to have Y/n join the cast… I love going out and doing things but I’m definitely more of a homebody and to have someone who not only understands that but actively participates in things like that has been great- she’s really amazing “

A soft blush formed on your cheeks at his words “ You’re the sweetest… I’m not really the going out kind of person like I’ll do it but it’s never really been my thing so to come into a cast like this and to immediately have someone that understood that was really comforting… I didn’t want to feel like I was a buzzkill or dragging the mood down so having Drew really was a lifeline in both senses- I literally cling to him when we go out “

The cast laughed at this “ Get a couple of drinks in her and she becomes a koala with Drew- there’s a really funny video of him carrying her coming to you guys the second season 4 drops “ Chase explained

A bout of laughter spilled from you “ HEY! I did NOT consent to my drunken escapades being posted as a tomfoolery! “ you protested

Drew began laughing, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his side “ Oh trust me we have LOADS of those “

A gasp fell from your lips as you pulled away from him, playfully swatting at him “ No you do not! I’m not showing up to this weeks book night if you keep it up Mr. Starkey! And I’ll lock my door so you can’t get in! “

He scoffed, placing his hand on his chest “ Ouch Y/N but I think you forget I have a key to your apartment… couldn’t keep me away even if you tried which we both know you won’t “ his voice was soft, a hint of teasing in his tone as he looked at you with such adoration that your heart felt as if it would combust at any moment

What you didn’t realize was that you were looking at him the same “ No… I won’t “ voice barely audible but you knew he heard you when his eyes seemed to soften even more than they already had

Warmth filled your entire body, wishing he could look at you like this forever

JD cleared his throat “ Hey guys hate to kill the moment but Drew for the love of god pick a question out of the bowl “

Simultaneously Carlacia and Madison reached out and smacked him on either side as you and Drew tore your gazes away from each other, Drew’s going to the bowl in your hands and yours going to Austin who was giving you a very pointed look

One that read- Remember you’re on camera

Drew pulled out the question, muttering something under his breath before reading it aloud “ Have you ever had a crush on any of your cast mates? If so who? And why? “

You covered your mouth to hide the small grin that was forming on your face as Chase let out a loud “ oooooh you’re in trouble now “

Drew scoffed, throwing up the finger directed at Chase “ This is such an unfair question “

Madelyn and Rudy booed him “ Answer the question!” They shouted at him, Madison turning her face away from the camera in attempt to hide the large grin she had on her face while the rest of the cast turned to him expecting an answer

He sighed, blowing out a deep breath “ I mean- I- “ he tried but the words just weren’t making their way out of his mouth

You softly nudged him, placing your hand over his in a comforting manner “ Hey it’s okay you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to- just pick again! “ your voice was void of any judgment or teasing, almost encouraging him to do whatever made him comfortable

His heart clenched in his chest, the feeling of your hand on his had his thoughts racing- his mind constantly on you.

The way your hair smelled of vanilla coconut because of that stupid shampoo you’d left at his house one too many times, how you had the most obvious tell whenever you were lying, The way he’d never seen you get mad at anyone ever- not even when they deserved it because your heart was too kind to ever make anyone feel anything less than cared for.

And how you beamed in such a specific way whenever you saw him- it felt ridiculous to say you were his crush when he was so sure he was in love with you… so in love with you that it hurt

His face softened and all nervousness slipped away when his eyes finally locked with yours “ I mean I definitely don’t have a crush… it’s pretty obvious that I’m like- stupidly in love with you because you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I think you’re absolutely perfect- On your own and for me “

A ridiculously large grin spread across your face at his words “ Yeah… I think I’m pretty perfect for you too and happen to think you’re perfect for me- If it hasn’t been obvious I’m stupidly in love with you too”

The cast burst into a scarily loud amount of cheers- all having been rooting for the two of you.

You leaned back from Drew, eyes flying to the camera “ Wow- guess Variety is really getting the scoop today… Netflix slash OBX PR team please don’t kill us!!“ you jokingly pleaded, leaning into Drew’s side as his one arm wrapped around you as the other pulled your hand into his own

Madelyn laughed, grabbing the bowl from Drew “ Hey- they pre-approved all these questions so it’s on them “

The rest of the interview flew by, your hand interlocked with Drew’s as the two of you listened to your friends answer questions- laughing and interacting as much as possible before it came to a close

You gave one final look to the camera “ This was the cast of Outer Banks answering all these burning questions! Catch season four of our wonderful show streaming only on Netflix, May 16th “

Guess this wasn’t too bad for your first interview.

[love-little-lotte]

A Look Into My New Guilty Pleasure: Poldark (2015 Series)

My biggest weakness is period dramas — especially period dramas with a talented cast, sweeping romance, terrific scenes (preferably set in some kind of country/provincial side), and lots and lots and lots of just sitting around and talking.

That's probably why Poldark has captured my heart. As a big fan of Outlander, it's no surprise that I fell in love with this show. Outlander and Poldark have so many similarities that I may make a lengthy post about it, but for today, let me just rant about my new guilty pleasure. I'm so obsessed with this show that I actually finished watching the entire five seasons in one week!

Poldark is based on Winston Graham's novels and adapted by Debbie Horsfield. I was so excited to start this show, with a male protagonist originally written by a man, created and written for a series by a woman. I haven't read Graham's novels (I'm going to one of these days, I swear!), so I'm not sure how well Debbie's adaption worked. I've read many Reddit threads, though, and some fans of the novel are not that impressed with how she omitted and added details to the show (will get back to this once I've read the books or at least the seven ones that were used in the show). The show has also been adapted in the 70s, so this was not the first time Graham's novels were seen onscreen!

Despite not having read the books, I fell in love with the story, the characters, and the cast! The show follows Ross Poldark returning to Cornwall after fighting in the American War in the 1780s. He looks forward to marrying his childhood sweetheart Elizabeth but, believing him to be dead, is now engaged to his cousin Francis. He then tries to resurrect his family's mining business and hires a young girl Demelza to be his kitchen maid (whom he eventually marries) while also crossing paths with the villain George Warleggan, a corrupted banker who stops at nothing to ruin Ross's prospects and personal life. As the show progresses, we also meet other characters, including Prudie and Jud, Ross's servants, Verity, Ross's cousin and Francis's sister; Ross's friend Dr. Dwight Enys and his love interest Caroline Penvenen; Sam and Drake Carne, Demelza's brothers, and Morwenna Chynoweth, Drake's love interest.

Yes, this show has a large ensemble cast, and trust me, there always comes a point when you hate or love them. Especially our protagonist Ross Poldark. Ross... is an interesting character. He's terribly, terribly flawed and many times times, I'm so infuriated with him to the point that I want him to suffer. I swear, you cannot go through this series without screaming at Ross. (When that moment came up in Season 2, I swear I had my middle finger ready every time Ross showed up on my screen from then on.)

But my favorite character in the show is Demelza, Ross's wife who started as his kitchen maid. She's the heart of the show, the voice of reason, and even though she makes questionable decisions along the way, you can't help but get on her side no matter what. She's the perfect fiery yet gentle match to Ross's stubbornness. He treats her like shit many times in this show, which makes me angry to no end, but they eventually grow to be understanding, loving partners.

And it also helps that Aidan Turner and Eleanor Tomlinson have one of the best romantic chemistries I've ever seen. They're terrific actors as well and they bring the characters to life so effortlessly. They just seem like they have the best time shooting this show. I kind of want to rewatch Loving Vincent now just because they're in that movie, even just in supporting roles.

Poldark is a roller coaster, with so many ups and downs (mostly downs, to be honest, please give Demelza a break!) My favorite season has got to be Season 1. Season 1 had the best Ross and I loved the early stages of his relationship with Demelza. It also has my favorite episode: Season 1, Episode 8. That episode broke me so much, thanks to Aidan and Eleanor's perfect performances. It's the only time I ever cried watching this show. I usually cry in period dramas (I've cried countless times in Outlander and Downton Abbey), but for some reason, I only cried once in Poldark. Most of the time, I'm annoyed and infuriated (hahaha but I still love it!)

The romance in Poldark is also quite unique, something I haven't seen before. Ross and Demelza emotionally hurt each other many times in this show, and they don't have the best communication. It's not an ideal marriage, but that's what makes it so raw and real. It hurts when Ross sleeps with his first love Elizabeth or when Demelza falls for the much-sensitive Hugh Armitage, but these are challenges people face all the time, and it's interesting to view it in characters and circumstances through 18th-century lenses. Plus, it can be very tiring to see perfect couples onscreen all the time. So watching Ross and Demelza's relationship thrive, suffer, and reconcile is very refreshing to me.

Nevertheless, Ross and Demelza are still able to work together. Seasons 2 and 3 showcase the worst moments of their marriage, from infidelities to insecurity, but the love between them still perseveres and they learn to forgive. In the end, they realize that they belong together.

And despite the unconventional marriage, Poldark is not a stranger to grand romantic gestures. Two of my favorite Ross and Demelza moments occur in Season 2:

A real funny, old-married-couple type of bicker in The Beach Scene:

And of course, showing all intimacy in The Stocking Scene:

(Let's just not talk about what happened 2 episodes after this!)

The romance in Poldark not only ends with Ross and Demelza. We also got two really good couples in the series: Dwight and Caroline and Drake and Morwenna.

And these love stories don't just happen! They're fleshed-out characters with proper backgrounds and their own problems, especially Drake and Morwenna's relationship. Morwenna is one of my favorite characters, and she doesn't deserve all the shit thrown at her. The last season of Poldark is not the best (bordering on bad, actually, especially the last two episodes), but watching Drake and Morwenna get their happy ending is worth it.

Finishing all five seasons is bittersweet. I enjoyed most of the story and fell in love with different characters. I kind of regret watching everything in one week haha. But what can I say? As soon as I finish each episode, I'm so tempted to start another episode. I think the last time I stayed up until 5 AM the next morning to watch TV shows was Yellowjackets. Poldark's just too good to binge! It's one of my favorite TV shows now. Maybe I'll watch Sanditon next...

I want to write more about Poldark soon, maybe a comparison with Outlander or maybe just a post about each character. I realized I hadn't talked much about Elizabeth, Francis, and George in this post; I was too preoccupied with the love story aspects and Ross and Demelza. We'll see!

[baenyth]

Bethany's Bizarre Miraculous Reviews Episode 4-2: Lies

I just hope Kagami's OOC for her reasons with breaking up with Adrien.

Aaaand Marinette's gone back to simping for Adrien. The last episode really was just to kill off Lukanette.

Hm. This and the last episode are proving that the patrol stuff isn't just something fanfic writers made up. Also Chat's being a somewhat good boy about this whole thing!

Also I don't think Adrien is perfect, he has trouble doing anything to stop Chloe or Lila (but then again, I don't think anyone did anything against Chloe before Alya showed up,) and as Chat he keeps on going after Ladybug even though she doesn't love him. Rude. And he's had, like, two temper tantrums (though that might be an exaggeration, he was just grouchy throughout the whole thing,) over Ladybug rejecting him. He does need to apologize for at least the stuff he did as Chat,

Blud's really bored today without someone to bounce off of. I think there needs to be a new permanent holder unaffiliated with both Ladybug and Chat so he's not completely alone.

Pffft he's drinking at the bar

They're really trying to make Chloe and Sabrina's relationship look one-sided and worse, aren't they? Also did Sabrina's VA change or am I making that up?

It's her!

And Adrien's really trying out being in a relationship with Kagami!

pfft Gabriel and Tomoe saying the same things about scheduling and being controlling about their kids

The mischevious! And Kagami's such a great artist too! And fast!

Kagami, Adrien doesn't know who he is. He was sculpted by his parents into this hyper-talented multilingual model. And also maybe actor? Also you were pretty silly in previous episodes.

Such a cute relationship. Adrien should've just told Kagami that Mr. Pigeon was there, though.

I must say, I do like it when the same stuff is shown through the perspective of different characters. Although I'm pretty sure they're just reusing animation here.

All you have to do is say "Is that Mr. Pigeon? Is that a Lollipop monster? Is that an Akuma? Go and hide. I'll call someone for help." That's it. You incompetent teen who probably hadn't had the idea cross his mind.

Oh god that hurt. This relationship fell apart because of a lack of communication. All Adrien had to do was a little more communication. Explain that he does love her. Except he's still in love with someone that doesn't love him. Goddamnit. They really did kill off Adrigami for the love square.

I'm going to go listen to Mario Freaks Orchesta. It makes me feel better.

[imagitory]

Okay -- so my visual aids for this post are very limited since Disney+ will not let me properly screenshot this and there are no good quality versions of this on Youtube anymore...but I need to talk about Disney's The Little Mermaid TV series for a second. Specifically, one episode very near and dear to my heart called Metal Fish, which features a human explorer going down in a fish-shaped submarine to the bottom of the ocean, getting stuck, and being found by Ariel and her friends.

Now honestly, watching the episode again, there's a lot I don't love about it. Sebastian's whole subplot with the crab scouts is really kind of annoying, and I skip every bit of it. But I love the character of Archimedes (even if he never appeared in the show again! Boo!), and -- more importantly to today -- there's this wonderful moment right toward the beginning of the third act of the episode where Ariel and our human explorer lay eyes on each other for the first time, and there's just this electric connection.

Something that bypasses words -- this sense of wonder, enchantment -- almost enlightenment. And is it surprising? No! Ariel is the spitting image of what the human explorer had in his mind, when he was dreamily sketching out what a mermaid could look like, back on land.

And of course, at the end of the episode, what else should the explorer end up being named, but Hans Christian Andersen? And what else would he do, after being rescued by a mermaid, but use it as inspiration for one of his most famous fairy tales?

Okay, yeah, admittedly Hans Christian Andersen was a much sadder and more dysfunctional brown-haired human being IRL (just watch this video for a nice deep-dive about this disaster gay/bi/honestly-maybe-even-romantic-ace)...not to mention he wasn't even half this dashing nor close to being vocally similar to the great Mark Hamill...but one thing I absolutely love about this episode, and the aspect I personally respond to most, is the choice the series' creators made to have their interpretation of Hans Christian Andersen and Ariel have a very striking visual similarity, as well as similar personalities.

Many theorize that the original little mermaid was a self-insert character for HCA, with his fairy tale being a fantastical lament about the one-sided love he felt for the son of his most significant patron, Edvard Collin, who -- like the mermaid's prince in the original -- fell in love with and chose to wed another. There's even preserved correspondence by HCA where he writes of his feelings for Edvard being "those of a woman." And although this is more likely about HCA struggling to express romantic feelings that felt out of place in the very religious, heteronormative world he was a part of than about HCA himself identifying as transgender, I still think it was such a sweet little gesture for this episode to highlight Ariel and HCA seeing themselves in each other.

And this is where I wish SO MUCH I had some good quality video so I could truly share this piece of the episode with all of you -- because the moment where Ariel and Hans see each other for the first time gives me such life.

When Hans first sees Ariel, he's lost for breath, and he sounds and looks almost bereft when she disappears from view. When Ariel first makes eye contact with Hans, she clutches her face and hair, almost as if seeing herself clearly for the first time. And the whole time, they're looking at each other not fully face-to-face, but through glass and water -- almost a reflection of each other. Because...they are.

I'm sorry, I fail to articulate how utterly beautiful this is. No love story could ever capture the emotion this short scene instills in me. A platonic connection so powerful that it transforms you and how you see yourself forever. Meeting another person and, in doing so, truly knowing yourself for the first time.

However much I might praise The Little Mermaid TV series primarily for its music, there are also moments like this that remind me how wonderful Disney's adaptation of Andersen's story really is.

[rottenpunkandmadeofweasels]

kind of losing my shit rn and have a million things to say about this wonderful episode and the gang involved

thank you Beth may for the complex feelings running through Scary that are still drowning in denial and the incredibly slow breakage of her emotional walls. Even after Terry's death the struggle of admitting all her feelings about it is some beautiful characterization. The layers upon layers of subtle character work is like an emotional artichoke where each piece you let us peel back and examine is building a more and more intense pile of complicated and earth shattering feelings. you have not shown us all your cards even in this devastating time and once or if you do the payoff might just kill me.

thank you Matt Arnold for the comedic and heartbreaking choices you brought to this episode. The consistency you bring to Link and his loyalty was like a punch to the gut this episode. With fucking everything that happened with Taylor to his declaration of never wanting to see his dad again while breaking the anchor is god I can't even. He loves so strong and will stand by their side but he recognizes the foundation of his and Grant's relationship has crumbled and his Dad is not who he thought he was. Ending with the anchor breaking character choice made me litterally shout OH FUCK and I don't want it any other way. You know your fucking character.

Thank you Freddie Wong for being one of the funniest people ever. Today was not Taylor's big emotions episode and that's absolutely ok because it was immediately filled with one of the funniest bits ever. I have really strong reactions to things so when the gay foot mecha orb thing happened I fell to the floor shout screaming. Out of anyone on this goddamn podcast I think you have made me fall to the floor more times then anyone else. fucking comedic genius with a genius character.

Thank you Will Campos just thank you for Normal in his entirety. Normal flipping his shit this episode made me excited beyond belief and there are a million things I could say about Normal that I have already shouted at several people about regularly because he makes me nuts I love him and how you perform him. His conversation with Scary at the end made me sick it was so fucking good. So little was said but all of it was so loud. Love him more than anything.

Fucking Anthony Burch. Thank you Anthony. my god. What can I say about this guy that I haven't already said to every person I know and my online creative writing course. No writer or actor or anything has made me get up from my fucking seat and SCREAM. He has made me cry, laugh, pace around my kitchen like a caged animal like no other. He's my greatest inspiration and my worst enemy. this fucking guy reawakened my love for writing like no other piece of media has. Your worldbuilding, characters, choices, improv makes me flip my lid. I love Sparrow and Grant and Nicky and Dead Terry and Everyone in this fucking episode I fucking can't. As a twin I need to be fucking devasted by Lark and Sparrow in this next episode they make me so sick.

just a huge fucking rant that doesn't encapsulate all my feelings but a mini and not really ode to this podcast that I needed to get out while I was still fresh and emotional.

[cherry-bomb-ships]

OH FRICK 🙈 — @edencantstopfallininlove

AAAAH THANKS EDEN HEHE 💖💖💖💖 This is from the Season 1 episode "Telephonies", and for context, in this episode the Gangrene Gang make crank calls on the Powerpuff hotline of all phones, and just before this scene they called and said that Mojo Jojo was up to no good again

Alright now let's unpack this:

First of all... I mean of course I think the way he fell asleep in his recliner listening to classical music is adorable. His light snoring too uuuugh god I love him 💖💖💖💖

But the way the girls just JUMP HIM like that I adooooore how brutal they always are, like BUBBLES WITH THE BITING?!?!?! YOUNG LADY YOU'RE A SAVAGE 😂💀😂 The physical comedy in this show is always so top notch hrjhdskf

The fact that Mojo stays upside-down in his chair for the entire scene, I feel like in a modern cartoon a character in this situation would stand up and dust themself off first but that detail makes this whole thing even MORE entertaining to me 😂💖💖 (Makes me think, with a brain that big, getting blood rushing to it from being upside down must especially suck 💀)

Ok I do honestly love the girls, and Bubbles's saying "turn everyone into zombies and you scare people" is SO CUUUUUUUUTE even down to the way it's worded being so child-like, I LOVE HERRRR 💝💝 Not only that, but I love that that's the point where Mojo snaps, like of course I think it's just a rule of threes joke but I like to think that hearing such a ridiculous and childish plan is what made him finally snap at them 😂💖💖💖

"I had no intentions of committing any crimes.... today <_<" HAVE I SAID HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUUUUUU 💖💖💖💖💖💖

The way he's drawn from the side in that wide shot is so sillyyyy I love himmmmm

AND THE SASS. THE SASS HE HAS AND HE'S FULLY JUSTIFIED IN HAVING TBH 😂💖💖💖💖💖 That's definitely my FAVORITE part of this clip even if there's so much other good stuff, that's 100% the line I love most hrjhksjfhs 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

💜ask game here!💜

[ineffablystupid]

Okay everyone, we gotta talk about that scene where Crowley considers which star system to run off to.

When I decided to rewatch Good Omens, it was going to be casual–have a couple of laughs and memorize more bits of script–with not much planning or thought going into it.

However, me being me, decided in less than 30 minutes that was not what was to occur. I quickly rewound and started a tally of how many times Aziraphale decided to look Crowley up and down (Which that report is in progress. As of writing this, I’m to the end of episode 3, and there’s been a total of 42 instances. E1 has 13, E2 7, and E3 a grand total of 22), and then started dissecting the actions of characters as I always do. In episode 4, Crowley is seen in his house, trying to figure out where to run off to. In the beginning of the clip, we witness him walk up to his desk and spin the globe sitting on it. 

Crowley spins the globe, but he does so gently, and when he stops the sphere from moving his touch is even more delicate. When tipping it out of the stand into his cradled palm, there’s a sense of consideration and caution in the movement, before it gracefully floats in front of him. But then he takes out the book. The Extremely Big Book of Astronomy, to be exact, and pages come flying out to float. However, unlike the globe, these pages somewhat chaotically whirl around, and without a care he plucks them from the air to look at, before tossing them roughly. His grip is firm, grasp sudden, and he’s not nearly as careful with these pictures of star systems. Which seems rather odd. A solid, hefty sphere is being held as though it’s a pricey ceramic vase, only to be contrasted by pieces of paper–the far more sensitive material here–that are roughly manhandled and strewn about.

He talks a bit to himself as he does all this, stating, “Beautiful Nebula, look at that. I helped build that one…” in a wistful–though seemingly mourning or even regretful way–and not even 30 seconds later he tosses the sheet into the air, whirls around, and sags against the side of his ornate chair that may as well be called a throne. He looks up quickly, as though on instinct, and words that can only be described as pained leave his mouth. 

It’s abrupt, odd for a demon, but Crowley is trying to send his words to The Almighty. He still has faith, it seems, a rarity amongst the fallen. He even brings that up, stating how he only ever questions: “That's all it took to be a demon in the old days”. This seems important in the sense that he acknowledges that today being a demon entails more; spite, menace, vices, and Armageddon’s beginning. He doesn’t want everything to end, and Crowley throughout everything we’ve seen is a harbinger of nothing more than menacing inconvenience and migraines, despite what he says. Crowley isn’t your typical demon, and he unabashedly says aloud to himself something that boils down to I don’t belong down there, but I don’t belong upstairs either, so where do I fit? He’s not even sure God is listening at that point, but keeps his gaze upwards anyway, continuing to beg.

He nearly begins to ask more questions, even, before stopping himself. Suddenly all his attention is on the humans, and he shoves his own well-being aside, ignoring the questions surely ratting in his brain just as they did before he fell all those millennia ago. His tactic changes, and if he wasn’t begging before he surely is now, reasoning with air. The compassion in which he speaks of humanity brings things into perspective, if you simply remember the globe and the off-handed remark involving that nebula.

He helped sculpt the stars, with gentle hands and loving thoughts before he fell. Crowley doesn’t hold as much passion for them as he once did, it seems, and there’s a sense of self-isolation he instills when he mentions that past. A memory treated akin to an ancient box on the top closet shelf; looked at, but untouched and left alone. It reeks of self-loathing and the thoughts I deserve this, a common theme Crowley shows. He doesn’t deserve to be recognized for his niceties–though is unable to give an explanation as to why–and he no longer cares for his own creations and collaborations now that he’s a being of the occult. 

But humans, now that’s where he fits in. He loves the society of Earth, the antics of man and the shifting environment. Earth is what he knows, he's been there since the start, and whether intentional or not, he's likely shaped how humanity is, just a tad. He still has compassion, which is still odd for a demon, and for the most part it's directed at the mortals who are unaware they're on the clock.

That's why he acts the way he does when he first appears in the scene. Perhaps subconsciously, he handles the globe almost reverently because of all the worries he has for the planet, for humanity. He's taken that care once held for creations as an angel and transferred it to something new; unfond of his past. That's likely why he handles the pages so roughly, his aggression and frustration channeled into something he lost and can't quite harm anymore.

Crowley is hurting quite a bit; Aziraphale, the one person he can trust, shoved away his offer of escape, and that only compounds the mess set in front of the viewer. Crowley feels powerless, and we see a vulnerability when he states his thoughts, praying to the only person he feels has power. That desperate draw in the words "Okay, I know you're testing them, you said you were going to be testing them," before his gaze moves away from the ceiling and the heavens above it. "You shouldn't test them to destruction…" he continues, and we see a rare moment of extra vulnerability, his prayer sounding akin to a child begging their parent to do something.

Which, in reality, is all this scenario is. Despite having fallen, despite the supposed "unforgivable" quality of being a demon, he still cries out with what little faith he has left, uncaring of how he's fallen. He doesn't want to lose a place that feels like home, his angel, everything that he cares about. He doesn't want Armageddon, unlike all the other demons. But then, he pauses. He spits the words, "Not to the end of the world," and bats the globe harshly away, the thing flying through the air before hovering right on back to where it was. His face morphs into something of dread, and the scene cuts.

This final bit here is interesting; he lets a bout of anger get the best of him, he attempts to remove his attachment from society it seems, but mere seconds later, he finds himself unable to let go. The globe is the perfect symbol for this, and it helps us visualize that, even if it's only a few seconds of action.

Struggling with his past, his fall, and his assistance in the stars, it's not shocking to see him crumble in such a sudden, rocky way. His friend (cough cough lover cough) left him, so he turns to the only place he can think of. The supposedly all-seeing, loving, forgiving Almighty. But his esteem struggles, and he tosses it all away for society's continuation. He adores Earth, even if he won't admit it, and Crowley finds it impossible to let go. Who can blame him? It’s his home, with his music, and Bentley, the flat, Aziraphale, and so, so many memories. It’s very… special, compared to a job he had before he was tossed from the skies, and even if it’s just a stupid little thing, the globe represents his entire world. Literally. And who would willingly let that slip away? Not Crowley, obviously.

[twistedtummies2]

Year of the Bat - Number 5

Welcome to Year of the Bat! In honor of Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and Richard Moll, I’ve been counting down my Top 31 Favorite Episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” throughout this January. We’re now in the Top 5 of the countdown! TODAY’S EPISODE QUOTE: “My fault…I didn’t get the joke…” Number 5 is…Mad Love.

It was hard to choose between “Mad Love” and our previous pick, “Heart of Ice.” In some ways, I would honestly argue the latter is technically better than the former…but the reasons I place “Mad Love” over it are twofold. One, I just like Harley more than Mr. Freeze, in general. Plain and simple. Two, while “Heart of Ice” helped to re-invent a backstory for a great villain, and thus revamped them in an inspired way for future generations…this story is a bit different. Originally published as a spin-off graphic novel for the show, “Mad Love” was adapted into an actual episode during the TNBA era. It is the official origin story for Harley Quinn, and – considering everything that goes into Harley BEING Harley, so to speak – I think that’s an even more noteworthy achievement.

Harley’s origins had been hinted at a few times in earlier episodes, most notably “Harlequinade,” which I already covered earlier in the countdown. But “Mad Love” finally gave viewers the full scoop, and adapts its comic source pretty darn faithfully. With one or two possible exceptions (among them being the infamously…questionable redesign for the Joker in “The New Batman Adventures”), it once again improves on its source material, making Harley even more sympathetic than in the comic version, as well as tightening up the pace and using the full breadth of this visual, moving medium to its advantage. “Mad Love” begins with Harley feeling fed up with the Joker paying more attention to Batman than to her. This causes her to reminisce on her past, and the full story of her background is revealed: once upon a time, she was Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a new up-and-coming psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. It’s implied, however, that Harleen was more interested in using the inmates as research material for her own ambitions, than she really was with curing them. Her ambitions, combined with an inborn naivete, led to her being seduced by the Joker, and she fell in love with her deranged patient. After a particularly grueling battle with Batman left the Clown Prince of Crime badly injured, Harleen finally snapped, and – determined to help her “puddin’” out – she became the wild card that is Harley Quinn.

This, however, is not the end of “Mad Love.” That’s just the beginning. We cut back to the present, where Harley forms a surprisingly clever scheme to kill Batman, hoping that if he’s finally out of the picture, she can finally have the Joker all to herself. I feel hesitant to say much more in great detail, for a lot of reasons, but suffice it to say things don’t go the way Harley expected, and the audience is given an uncomfortably deeper perspective on the dangerous relationship she and the Joker have. All three main characters – Batman, the Joker, and ESPECIALLY Harley Quinn – really make this story great. Harley’s origins themselves are classic, of course, and have really never changed much since this story. Certain details and elements have been expanded on or slightly altered over the years, but the basic concept has remained fixed. However, it’s the look at this trio and their relationships to each other that makes the story so splendid, as well as so disturbing at times. It also allows all three actors to deliver some of the best performances in the entire series; with the exception of “The Laughing Fish,” in fact, I would argue this is Mark Hamill’s single best performance as the Joker in all of the Animated Series (discounting movies and later series spinoffs, like “Justice League”). For Conroy, it’s an episode that allows his Batman to shine, even when he’s not the focus, as he shows his own cunning side in the way he’s able to manipulate both villains to come out on top. And of course, for Arleen Sorkin, this was the saddest, most heartbreaking story she ever got as Quinn, and she brings everything into it, showing that she could manage the tragedy of Harley as well as the humor. Also, the title references a Peter Lorre movie. That’s just cool, A+.

We’re getting close to the end now, friends. Tomorrow we move on to Number 4! Hint: “Gotham can be a Wonderland, Alice! Tonight, let me be your guide.”

[demonslayedher]

Things that ran through my head while watching this episode:

--Dear Ufotable, why couldn't you had included the second half of this episode in your theatrical release? The One (1) time the Kamaboko boys all combine for one attack deserves cinematic treatment. I. Love. This. Scene. So. Much. They went for it so hard, and so obviously that they even had to poke a little fun at themselves in the Taisho Secret. Speaking of, I wish they would had given us more Taisho Secrets (or Stylish Scruffy Democracy) in Yuukaku-hen as opposed to just rehashing emotions that spoke well enough for themselves, as happens here with Tanjiro. I find it kind of funny how quickly the "To Be Continued" curtain fell as if to be like, "ok, yes, Tanjiro, we get it, time's up."

--Speaking of Taisho Secrets, I'm glad Ufotable has had fun breaking form since switching to FujiTV (and what did we ever do to deserve Butt-Chin Nezuko??), but I kind of miss the consistency of the first season's Taisho Secrets and manga panel BGs and limited movements like they're silly puppets. It makes the breaks in pattern more fun, like Inosuke & Zenitsu gulping in the BG while hearing that they may be in trouble with Shinobu, or cramming all nine Pillars in one Taisho Secret together so they can only move their mouths while stuck in their basic profile poses. Now there is no pattern, so getting a dramatic "no Taisho Secret today, too much drama!" thing is… not dramatic. Good thing they fixed that with Nezuko later doing the complete opposite by breaking the tension with a real Taisho Secret.

--Speaking of set forms and framing, while the animation for Gurenge is great for how it shows overall themes of the series and characters in relation to Tanjiro, this OP really says "this is the Yuukaku arc and this is what you're getting." One of my favorite details (I have a lot of favorite details) is how Uzui looks so relaxed and flamboyantly at ease when he's dodging obi, but doesn't show dramatic effort until he's dealing with Gyutaro's attacks.

--I… don't have strong feelings about the filler of the picnic in front of the grave, I do have feelings about it. I guess I fall more on the side of disliking this filler for how inconsistent the relationship feels between Tengen and his wives, like all that restraint they practice before relaxing because it's so ingrained in them to be subservient to their husband, but then Makio turns right around and calls Tengen out for being unfair. We've also never seen any jealousy between the wives, and however light-hearted, the inorganic way it came about with the cherry blossoms seems to take a nuance that Hinatsuru is the favorite and stretch it to a larger proportion than in the manga. That all being said, Makio sticking a bunch of petals in her hair with that "flirt with me too!" face is adorable. Speaking of flashbacks, I do like how Hinatsuru is the one to propose that they retire and live as normal people once they defeat an Upper Moon, as there needs to be a deciding point for when they'll move on. And the part about no hard feelings if they aren't all together? I love how bittersweet that is, and it feels very in the spirit of Hinatsuru to do that; I don't think it's that she's Tengen's favorite, but that she's the heart of this family. Makio looks to Hinatsuru when she feels conflicted, Suma turns to Hinatsuru first to celebrate their victory. They fact that she almost died would had stung the whole family is a way that doesn't just make them feel the hurt and loss, but feel like a tether has come loose.

--Ok so, I love Suma for being a simple bimbo, but I hope Tengen never feels like he's parenting her. I hope that when she's all "I wanna be a dragonfly" and he's like "that's a nice flashy dream" what he's actually thinking is "this woman is crazy and I am crazy about her."

--So for the amount of time that Hinatsuru was in active danger in Gyutaro's clutches, I feel like I could had watched this on at least double speed to emulate the actual pace at which the action took place. Tanjiro & Uzui just do so dang much thinking in such a quick span of time. BUT!!! Tanjiro, our boy, he's so full of good ideas!! Take advantage of being weak and not as carefully watched as the Pillar! Mix both your Breaths to make the best of them both!! Tanjiro has gone through so many levels of thinking and development over the course of this night that he's probably going to pick up from the conclusions he reached once he later wakes up and writes some letters: "Dear Tomioka-san, It's too bad I'm better suited to Hinokami Kagura and can never get very good at Water Breathing, otherwise my sword might not had broken this time. I got a letter from Haganezuka-san…" (and poor Giyuu would be like, "…what is the (future) Water Pillar talking about?")

--You know who I've missed? UROKODAKI. Urokodaki, it's so nice to see you again. T^T Those flashbacks to Tanjiro's training days are so cute. I missed how often Tanjiro flashed back to training with Urokodaki!

--But you know what's also nice? The fact that Tanjiro's not the only one who has worked his butt off to get stronger in the last four months. Look at all these boys, they've come so far since getting together at Kyogai's house. We know that Zenitsu's been polishing and polishing his one move, but Inosuke's been working hard too, ever since losing Rengoku-san! That's so endearing, for it's the first time in Inosuke's life he's ever gone through a loss that gave him a drive like this.

--It is so, so, so much fun seeing Inosuke being the one who is frazzled and Zenitsu being the cool leader. This is the hero of Legend of Zenitsu!! I'll bet that's how all his lines are written! And then when Inosuke gets the inspiration to focus on charging through the small opening in the middle of the obi, that's so satisfying because it's like the moment when someone breaks out of writer's block, and it's not that he can stop at that he thinks there's an opening, no, he makes up his mind to believe that there is!!

--Tee hee hee, Inosuke playing rugby with Daki's head and jumping out of the way of obi is so much fun---oh---wait---until it's not.

--Well… Inosuke's a goner. Uzui's dead. Zenitsu pulled the self-sacrificing push. Tanjiro's falling and apologizing for all his failures. Here ends my rewatch.

--FOR NOW!!!! THE THEATRICAL RELEASE DEBUTS ON SETSUBUN, BABY!! OUT WITH IN THE DEMON, IN WITH THE LUCK!! FEBRUARY 3RD!!! I'm so stoked--------a-a-a-nd with my work schedule I won't be able to watch it that day. T_T

[stereogeekspodcast]

[Transcript] Season 3, Episode 3. Loki Series Review

The Stereo Geeks weren't the biggest fans of Loki Season 1, but the second season blew us away!

Listen to the episode on Spotify.

Hello, and welcome to a new episode of Stereo Geeks.

Today, this is a spoiler-filled review of Loki.

I'm Ron.

And I'm Mon.

All right, Loki.

Well, that was some finale, huh?

Well, let's just talk about the first season first.

You and I weren't the biggest fans.

We were excited about it.

I mean, how can you not be?

It's Loki, everybody loves Loki.

But the first season left us wanting.

It's not that hard to pinpoint why.

I know a lot of people enjoyed the fact that it was more cerebral, it was slower paced, it wasn't the usual Marvel formula.

We have nothing against something being a little bit different.

Hey, we are fans of She-Hulk.

My biggest problem with the first season was that it didn't actually treat Loki as the kind of character that he is.

He was very much a joke, a sort of punchline.

His growth as a person who is now displaced, who is no longer who he thought he was, was kind of underdone and also played up for laughs.

And I really had a problem with that.

And I feel that's where the first season really fell away for me.

I agree.

I also feel like the pandemic had quite an impact on the first season.

They probably had a much greater vision and different ideas, but it ended up becoming all about exposition.

These long, long conversations between characters, which really didn't do anything, they didn't help progress the plot at all, and didn't even give us that much insight into the characters themselves when it was really necessary because Loki was kind of the only character we really knew in that first season.

We were meeting all these brand new characters and their backstories were not really given to us at all.

When you have a conversation and you want to be cerebral, you still have to get somewhere at the end.

But a lot of those conversations were just cyclical, repetitive, they went on and on, they rambled, they meandered.

What is the whole point of it?

Who knows?

Unfortunately, that was a really disappointing turn for the first season, especially for a character who we're all really excited about.

Loki has died so many times in the MCU and he keeps coming back because the fans love him.

I mean, at the end of Infinity War, it seemed like Loki was never going to be able to come back.

Like there was absolutely no way.

And in Endgame, suddenly we're back in 2012 and we're fighting Loki.

And then we get this variant that was very exciting for people who were fans of Loki.

It's always been kind of a battle, Loki versus Thor.

I've always been on the side of Thor, but I have to admit that the charisma of Loki, it's honestly hard to find even in the MCU, which has a lot of characters.

So yes, we really wanted a lot from the first season.

And when we were getting into the second season, you and I were apprehensive.

I was downright concerned.

In fact, I was in two minds about actually watching it.

But of course we did get some screeners and I thought, why not?

Let's give it a go.

And we were invested from the get go.

I was really surprised at how much I ended up enjoying the second season.

I'm anyway a real sucker for time travel stories, but when the story itself seems to really enjoy that aspect, that makes me want to watch the show.

More than anything else, maybe because the first season had already done all the set up work of creating the characters and showing us our relationships with Loki, maybe because all that work was done, this season didn't have to do all that heavy lifting.

So what we ended up getting was just plot, drama, action, suspense and spectacle.

I like that.

And also it builds off what we know from the first season, which is that Loki has met these people, the people from the TVA, Sylvie, who is his other variant, and also he who remains or his variants as well.

And it builds off the fact that we know that these are the characters who have been introduced and we need to find out more about Loki and his relationship with them.

I really like that.

Instead of going all, let's just be plot and sci-fi, it's also at the end of the day about human emotions or rather God-like emotions for the people around him.

And I think that was also what was missing in the first season where the interactions were there, but not really working from time to time.

And here it really is about Loki has this group of people.

He's very close to them.

And central to the plot is Loki trying to save these people so that he can be with them.

I think what really made me love this second season was the fact that it realized that what makes Loki interesting isn't the fact that he's power hungry.

It's the fact that he's really lonely.

Yeah, you're very right.

Because Loki is a very interesting character, but he's constantly had to live in the shadow of his warrior-esque brother.

He kind of didn't really get to be his own person.

And the first season didn't quite know what to do with that.

But this second season just is like, no, Loki made these friends.

He can see this huge threat.

He knows that something has to be done to stop it.

And he will literally do anything and everything if he can stop it and save his friends.

It's not really about power anymore.

That's what Loki always believed he wanted, because that's what he thought that a god should want.

But what he actually wants is just to save his friends.

And also sense of belonging, right?

Loki, without actually realizing or knowing his true heritage, always felt like he was outside his own Asgardian family.

When he finds out why, because he's a frost giant, it makes him angry.

So, you know, he lashes out and acts out, you know, he's very childish.

He's just like his brother that way.

The growth that we see in this season, without much exposition, we just see it through the actions that Loki is constantly hanging on to these people, coming back to these people, relying on these people.

So by the time in the fifth episode, Loki tells Sylvie he wants his friends back.

And that tells you exactly how much this character has grown from the person we saw in 2011.

We should also talk about Loki's new friends, because it's quite a large cast of characters around him.

We've got Owen Wilson playing Mobius.

I really liked Mobius.

I was like surprised when they cast Owen Wilson.

I was like, really?

This guy in Marvel?

Yeah, but I think he really fits, because he has that sort of average, everyday kind of person vibe, but he's got a very important role to play, and he is supportive of Loki from the get-go.

Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson have great chemistry.

So that really helps their interactions and makes their friendship very believable.

At the end of the day, Mobius is a fan of Loki's.

Yes, yes.

We also have Hunter B-15, played by Umini Masaku.

I think she was a little bit underplayed.

Yeah.

We needed more scenes with her, but she's so interesting, and she has this amazing presence about her.

You just know that she's there.

She is keeping everything together, keeping herself together, and there's a calming presence at the back.

Even though she's way at the back in the frame, I really like that about her.

I like how principled Hunter V15 is.

Yeah.

In the first season, when she only knows the way of the Time Variance Authority, she's like, yes, I have a mission to prune variants, and I will do it.

And the moment she realizes that the TVA is actually peopled with variants, and they all have lives, that's it.

She's just like, I am going to ensure that all these variants have the lives that they wanted to have, and I'm going to make sure that they don't get pruned.

Yes.

And she just sticks to that.

She will not let go of those principles.

She's just so passionate about it.

I really love those scenes with her.

I definitely feel like we could have got a lot more with her, because she's just so full of conviction.

And I loved watching that.

And it feels like the actor herself knows so much about this character and this world and the character's feelings about these events.

I think it would have been nice to just see a bit more.

Agreed.

The other character is Casey, played by Eugene Cordero.

He had a really like small scene in the first season.

Maybe he came back twice.

I don't remember.

Honestly, like I was like, okay, whatever, this guy has a scene.

But then, in the second season, he's part of Loki's inner circle.

Like I love that, because there's this nerdy guy who really knows the TVA inside and out.

And he's so close to Loki.

Like Loki is so fond of him.

I love that.

I look at it this way.

Casey is basically a pencil pusher in the TVA.

Yeah.

He would not have actually amounted to anything in that kind of a system.

But because of Loki's antics, he ends up being a really important part of this entire time travel, time slipping story.

Maybe Marvel realized that Eugene Caldero just has a lot of chemistry with Tom Hiddleston and people just gravitated towards the character.

He also voices Rutherford on Star Trek Lower Decks.

People are huge fans.

So I guess that's why they just went with it.

I think it was a good decision because he's so much fun.

Yes, I think that's what was missing in the first season, that fun aspect.

Again, not comic relief, just somebody who is a little bit more vivacious, a little bit more energetic.

Speaking of energetic, this season comes alive with the introduction of Ki-Hui Kwan.

He is Obi Ouroboros, and he's basically been hiding out in the recesses of the TVA, but he becomes an integral part of the storyline.

Honestly, without him, they wouldn't have survived the first episode.

Forget the entire season.

He's just amazing.

Really like raw ball of energy, this guy.

He was a really fabulous addition to the second season.

He brought not only just the energy, he had that chemistry with all the actors.

He felt like he had always been in the TVA and people just forgot that he was there.

And that's quite hard when you're coming in after an entire season.

But he made it look effortless.

He's got this infectious, happy personality.

Even when Ouroboros was giving people the worst possible news, and it was just negative, negative, negative.

Even then you're just like, oh, this guy is amazing.

He's trying his best.

Exactly, yeah.

So rounding out the group is Sylvie, who was introduced in the first season.

She is a variant of Loki's.

Honestly, I've never taken to Sylvie, and I didn't take to her in the second season either.

Oh no, she got better, but I just, you know, we've been watching Tom Hiddleston since 2011.

Not consistently, he's not been Loki every year, but that kind of presence that you have from this person who is so sure of himself, so confident, even when he's wrong, or he's realized he's made a mistake.

I just didn't get that from Sylvie.

Now, understandably, her life has been very different, but I think that bitterness, the anger, even that was kind of missing.

And in this season, she's more resigned, or at least content, but I feel like she was still too angry.

I think there's something missing with Sylvie.

I'm not sure.

I feel like Sofia DiMartino really tries very hard with the content that she's given.

And the first season, the pandemic really made it very difficult for them to have the scenes that they wanted.

So a lot of what Sylvie's life and her difficulties were, it was just told to the audience.

Whereas with Loki, we've actually got to see his life.

That kind of did the character disservice.

I also feel like the first season was mostly setting her up as a love interest for Loki.

So that has never done any female character any good in the history of cinema.

The second season, maybe again, we had the entire first season with her.

So we understood a lot of aspects about her.

So I felt like I could understand where she was coming from with some of her decisions.

You're right in the fact that it didn't always flow.

She seemed to be content living on this branched timeline, working at McDonald's, of all places.

Yet when she was brought to the TVA and Loki asked for her help, she was really angry about everything.

Are you happy that branch timelines exist?

Do you just want to see the destruction of the TVA?

Which is it?

I felt like she just became the mouthpiece for the audience in this season.

Like she was just asking questions and she was just constantly angry.

And I'm like, let her just be more.

I agree with you.

Again, it's a case of a female character not getting the kind of characterization she deserves, which is a real pity.

I mean, it's Marvel.

We've been watching Marvel since 2008.

They should know better.

But they don't.

It seemed very much like Sylvie got shunted into the role of love interest in the first season.

And in the second season, she became the facilitator for Loki's arc.

Like there were definitely a few scenes, especially in episodes five and six, where Sylvie gave Loki the kind of advice that helped him make decisions and helped him realize so much about himself.

We don't get the same for Sylvie though.

Yeah, she's sort of left to her own devices, which is weird considering she spent her entire life hiding and running away.

Now, why isn't she craving for community?

Loki's doing it.

Loki's found his friends group.

Why isn't Sylvie done the same thing?

Exactly.

And now I feel like the show has ended, and what's going to happen with all these characters?

Because that's it.

There's not going to be a season three.

I mean, there can't be, which we'll get back to in one second.

But first, we have to talk about the fact that Sylvie at least had a scene in every episode.

Are we going to talk about Ravonna Rensselaer, who really got the short straw, this entire show, not just this season, this entire show, what were they trying to do with this character?

Well, in the first season, it was like, oh, she's this person with a lot of power.

She's the judge at the TVA.

And that's a great thing to say and have a black woman in that role.

But at the end of the day, she was just on this very high podium, and she was just giving judgments, and that was it.

Where was the growth?

Where was the arc?

Like she's this very interesting character apparently, but we don't get to see any of that.

And then in season 2, she's literally there in one episode and that night at the end.

What?

I don't understand what happened there.

My hope is that she will return in a much more powerful, action-oriented, and I don't mean action scenes, I mean action-oriented character and role.

It just seemed like we cast this person, we gotta give her something to do, we're contractually obligated to tell her to come back for season 2.

It was so infuriating to see somebody of this caliber of talent completely wasted.

And the thing is that apparently in the comics, Kang and Renslayer have a very long history.

That's alluded to in the show.

It's alluded to that.

But in just one episode.

Yes, exactly.

It's just not enough.

It's just not enough for this kind of character and this level of acting.

I also feel like maybe there were one too many puzzle pieces.

You can't fit it all in.

Unfortunately, Ravonna was the one who did not fit.

And they kept trying to shoehorn her into the show.

And it just doesn't work.

But there's promise.

Like what the final episode seems to suggest is that she will be back.

She'll have a much larger role to play.

And we know that she already has a connection with He Who Remains.

So let's see where we see her next.

It's just that this show was not the right one for her to be introduced.

Well, looking at the format of the show, it's two seasons and six episodes each.

Too short.

It's just too short for this many characters, a brand new world, and you're trying to tie it into apparently the Phase Five's big villain.

That's too much to put on one show.

And it has all these different and new concepts for the MCU to be introduced, explained, to become part of the plot, etc.

It was just a lot.

In a way, I'm like, okay, you're invested for exactly six weeks, and that's good.

But I do feel six episodes is maybe just too little.

I mean, having said that, the first season, I was happy when it ended.

The second season, not so much.

Six episodes really made me feel like, oh, I'm gonna miss this.

And I do also wonder, does everything have to be so tightly adhered to?

Just because the first season was six episodes, does the second season need to be six episodes?

Couldn't it have been a bit longer?

There was a lot happening in this season and so many plot threads, which I feel like they were kinda dropped by the wayside.

I felt like it needed at least one more episode, especially after watching the finale, which we'll get to now.

I did feel like if we had one more episode of Loki, his friends group, him trying to save his friends, and then we go into the actual realization of what has to be done to save the multiverse, I think we would have felt the weight of it, the stakes even more if we had one extra episode.

I feel the same way.

Shall we talk about that, Indi?

Yes, let's talk about the finale.

So, okay, I'll start off by saying, I was a little bit concerned as the finale started.

It had some overlong scenes of talking, talking, talking, and I'm like, oh no, we're stuck in the trap of season one.

Stop talking.

But those scenes were actually like a game of chess, where somebody thinks that they're winning, and then bam, checked me.

So I did like that.

I also found it really funny that Tom Hiddleston was suddenly saddled with so much techno babble, and he's so good at it.

Having listened to so many Star Trek actors talk about how techno babble is so difficult, some of them avoid it like the plague.

It is funny, but also very impressive to see Tom Hiddleston who started off his MCU life as a Shakespearean Norse god, take on this sciency stuff and just run with it.

Really love that.

So basically the finale, it has a lot of Groundhog Day elements.

Loki has to keep doing the same thing over and over so that he can figure out how to save the day, which is that he has to stop the temporal loom from bursting and the multiverse of branches, timelines basically disappearing and people dying, trillions and trillions of people.

His motivation, of course, is that his friends will also die.

He doesn't want that to happen.

So he has to keep trying his level best to figure out a way to make sure Victor Timely, who is a variant of he who remains, can actually fix the temporal loom.

And then Loki has a realization.

He realizes the only way to save everybody, including his friends, especially his friends, is by sacrificing himself.

But not in the way you think.

Exactly.

I found that so intriguing because when Loki decides to finally go down in that TVA room and close the doors and lock his friends away from him, and he walks out into the temporal loom, I just kept thinking to myself, what is he going to do?

Like, the radiation is attacking him, he's not going to survive this, but he's a god, and he uses his godly powers to grab all these branches of the timeline, bring them to life, and destroy the loom, so that the loom, which is basically holding everything back, and also the reason why everything was going to get destroyed, is gone.

And then after that, Loki is the one who actually has to maintain all these branches of the timeline.

So in essence, he takes over the role that he who remains apparently had all this while.

And that is now Loki's life.

He is now burdened with this glorious purpose.

I mean, we see Loki as his most flamboyant self atop a throne.

Literally a god of everything.

And it's the saddest thing we've seen in the MCU.

It is.

I couldn't believe the melancholy that I felt watching that.

I was really impressed, in all honesty.

Yes, I was very sad.

But in a way, Loki's path has always led to him being a hero.

In the sacred timeline, Loki sacrificed himself for his brother and in the TVA timeline, Loki sacrifices himself for literally everyone.

I guess that's a really good thing.

But it's also super, super sad.

I am very sad for Loki.

I know.

I mean, especially because he's come to a point where he realizes that he needs people.

He wants to be around these people and he really likes them.

Everything that he's done throughout the second season is to make sure that his friends are alive and that he can be with them.

But in the end, he's alone and he has to watch the lives of his friends continue because there's this moment where Mobius, who doesn't know what to do with his life either, is watching his variant self, I guess.

And he's like, I'm just going to stand here and let time pass.

And that dialogue floats through voiceover and we can see that Loki has heard it.

So he's just watching his friends' lives and he can't be part of it.

It was just amazing.

But wow, so sad.

I think sometimes the MCU really tries to get happy endings and it doesn't always work out.

And sometimes you're just like, it's a superhero movie.

Should it have a sad ending?

Like Infinity War.

Grindr ends up being everybody's favorite because that ending was so unexpected.

And I think this season of Loki ending this way, the show ending this way, I think it's the right decision because for this character, like what else was Loki going to do?

He's a variant.

It's not like he can go back to being with Thor either.

So might as well save the universe.

I'm okay with him saving the universe.

Does he have to be left all by himself to do that?

It's just so tragic.

It is.

That's a good thing though.

Every part of me is like, this is horrible.

Why does he do this?

And at the same time, I'm like, this was a good bold decision by Marvel, but I can't get over it.

And the choice to end the show on Loki's face and Hiddleston's acting where you can't make out what he's feeling because he is sad, he is resigned, he is happy.

All those things, they're all there.

And the restraint by him to not shed a tear because that would give it away.

That would be like, oh, Loki's sad.

No, no, no.

We don't actually know the extent of his feelings because he's feeling all the things just like we are feeling all the things.

Brilliant move.

Yes, I was very impressed by the second season.

I did not expect it to be as engaging, as fun, as Loki oriented as I had hoped, but it definitely managed to do a lot.

I still wish that Sylvie had been given her due, that Renslayer had been given way more to do, and that there was some inkling as to what will happen to these characters afterwards.

But as a show about Loki, I'm just glad that it ended the way it did.

And okay, fine, we close the chapter on Loki now.

It's a difficult chapter to close.

I think we'll see the TVA again.

They are on the hunt for the variance of Kang.

I don't know about Sylvie.

And with Loki, I don't know.

I hope he appears as the watcher does from time to time in the comics.

He's just there looking over the multiverse, looking over his friends and family.

He is now apparently very close to his comic book counterpart, which is the God of Stories.

That doesn't make me feel much better, but that was a really incredible ending, and I am still trying to process it.

The ending will be the most important part of your story.

It doesn't really matter what comes before, so I am actually ready to forgive season one because that ending was so good.

I know.

Well, that was our review on Loki the show and our particular love for that very sad ending.

We hope we'll see the characters again.

We hope we see Loki somewhere, but until next time.

See you all.

You can find us on Twitter at Stereo underscore Geeks or send us an email at stereogekspodcast at gmail.com.

The Stereo Geeks logo was created using Canva.

The music for our podcast comes courtesy Audionautix

[chororine]

CUBERT, DWIGHT AND THE KROKER KIDS RAN AN ELABORATE SCAM WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK

actual serious thoughts on The One Amigo under the cut

back when I read the summary for this ep I thought "b*nder AND n*f*t*s? hard pass" but it turns out sometimes two wrongs DO make a right. even if the topic is very two or even three years ago and one I actively dislike, I wasn't inherently opposed to it as long as the show clearly wasn't on the side of the n*f*t bros - and indeed it wasn't, in fact it implied they have as much value as children's scribbles!!! on the other hand I was mildly disappointed they didn't touch on the environmental impact of those digital shitstains - I predicted the energy expenditure of The B*nder Collection would indirectly cause some natural disaster in Mexico that threatened his village, but maybe that would've been TOO realistic and bleak (also "Attack of the Clothes" is apparently gonna touch on environmental issues so I guess they didn't want that ep to be redundant)

and oh! my son and his boyfriend, interacting in a canon setting again for the first time since the movies!!! when the teaser clips and screenshots started appearing I got a bit concerned they were gonna revert back to the "B*nder Should Not Be Allowed On TV" characterisations with Cubert and Dwight having no distinct personalities outside of being "The Kids" and do a storyline about b*nder trying to be hip with the youth of today, which in the year 3024 means doing n*f*ts - but I'm glad I worried for nothing because imo the execution (with them being aware it's a scam they can use to their advantage) was pretty in-character for our boys from Awesome Express, incorporating both their keen business sense for their age and their love of pranks, both of which were established all the way back in "The Route of All Evil". and even if their initial bonding seems to have happened off-screen, them taking Axl and Mandy under their wings was a delight - I've wanted these two to have more friends around their own age since... well, always (we did kinda get that with them befriending Tinny Tim and the orphans but as previously mentioned that episode sucked, and sadly the two friends they introduced solely for B*nder's Game don't seem to have stuck)

because I'm me, I kinda fell asleep during the supposed A-plot, and I'm too gringa to say how well they represented Mexico writing-wise - but I do think it was well-done visually, at least. in a weird bit of timing, this April I also went to Mexico to see a once-in-a-lifetime cosmic sight... my boyfriend @zappsbrannigan (and also the total eclipse but that was more, y'know, a bonus) and the robot village and surrounding jungle, with their nice orange-yellow-green-turquoise sky colour palette, match up pretty well with what I saw there. with enough childlike wonder I could imagine that village existing on the outskirts of the town where I saw the eclipse

the actual *plot* was... ok but not amazing I guess? I saw b*nder stealing the quipu coming but still a clever way to tie the A and B plots back together. speaking of which: the heist subplot wasn't super memorable but it was a fun little diversion that let the Professor use his brains and Zoidberg his weird alien quirks, and kept b*nder from completely overwhelming the episode (he's been so overused in the later seasons that I was pretty endeared to Doblando when it was revealed he was trying to get that spotlight-stealing trashcan killed lol). and another bit of weird timing that Leela was barely in an episode that aired on her bday but at least she got to pull a heist in a custom-made mask as a little treat. go Fujiko Mine it up girl

all in all, a great episode for my personal tastes specifically, which is the polar opposite of what I expected based on the summary. it'll be hard to top, but I hope it's just the first of many pleasant surprises this season