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killerchickadee · 9 months

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Like, you try not to be resentful and bitter that everyone else is spending time with their family right now, and you're just chilling alone in your apartment as always. Like. That's an effort.

But sometimes it isn't easy.

But you try anyway cause you don't want to be That Guy and also being resentful and bitter doesn't do you any good.

#but you're still a little resentful and bitter #lol apparently my dad wanted to visit my sister and niece and she told him off for saying absolutely nothing when our maternal grandma died #she said she made him cry which i do feel bad about cause the dude's 75 years old #but also wtf dude #but also i haven't heard from him since the beginning of november and he's NEVER ONCE offered to visit me #like literally never in my entire life #also in the uhhh 15? years since i left home my mom's come to visit me like 4 times?#and only once in the last 6 years #so.... yeah actually i am resentful and bitter lol #so seeing everyone's social media posts about happy family time is a fucking bummer

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bixels · 9 months

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While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

#ask me #anon #once AGAIN.#I am not dropping anything #the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again #But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year #In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related #I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped #And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it #I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas.#Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop #Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas #But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now #But I didn't because I'm TIRED #I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired #what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen #drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thing––your identity––starts to faulter #it can really make you freak out #And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will #I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my #followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying “i'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuff” with “i'm #disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing #you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere #I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.

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nivienne-grovant · 6 months

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Nivienne has changed hairstyles more than she's saved the world, which for most people isn't impressive but the Warrior of Light is an outlier and should not be counted.

Featuring slight historical revisionism and Nivienne's ongoing relationship with the Aesthetician.

#ffxiv #actually tagging this for once since I think it's a cute format #for the record the “I had a breakdown with a pair of clippers” look was only for the last stretch of 5.55 #which I think was 3-6 months depending on my mood #then she's stuck without access to a hairdresser for a year #screenshots #also by 5.55 i mean 4.55 but im on mobile and will not be retyping that

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icewindandboringhorror · 6 months

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More misc. daily life pictures and such

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building #3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like #a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given #my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard #to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up #as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets #7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s #o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and #an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi #c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs #of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry #its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing #Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington #also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol #8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle #until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue #photo diary

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the-physicality · 4 months

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again i'm not commenting on coach of the year [bc i've made my opinions known but i've finally watched the ambrose highlight video [congratulations! again] and it's actually quite bothersome that the game footage is all offense? like hello? does the word "defender" mean anything to you?

#i also think that you have to consider keopple for rookie team of the year #bc once again points does not tell the whole story #an undrafted defender skating top line averaging 20 minutes a night #and you're going to say well she only had 3 points on the season and bell had 6? shut up #on that note defenders across this league do not get the recognition they deserve #i remember i was watching one ottawa game and they were hanging on to a one goal lead #someone was going to be shooting on a wide open net in the last minute and bell blocked the show saved the lead and they won the game #and she didn't get any recognition #oh side note: take me to your tailor . pls #i am obsessed w her collection of 3 piece suits #granted i think it's the tan one and this one but still

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kethabali · 9 months

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i seriously can't comprehend not having a summer or winter break when u get a job. what do u mean i have to work all year around

#no i need my three month reset #ideally i dont need a vacation to recover from daily life #but thats capitalism <3 #at least school is fun #what if work is just stress and no fun #thats why i wanna work at the nonprofit i am a member of i like going there and i like the staff and i already do that work #as a volunteer and in internships so i could enjoy it maybe how i enjoy school #as long as the job is mentally and emotionally stimulating and not physically strenous #i can work for like 8 months of a year #same as how i go to school #ideally i only work 6 months of the year and 6 months i do something else #but once again <3 capitalism #actually audhd #actually autistic #actually adhd #🧃#see the reason im thinking ab this is bc i realized working means regular paychecks so less financial paranoia #and stability.. which i like and am always desiring with school i get a big sum of money every few months and then pennies rest of theyear #except last semester when i got my work study and now i realize i like being paid more regularly it helps with my financial trauma #so now i am thinking i wouldnt mind working (if i wasnt in school bc two at once is too much for me)#i could work 10 hours without being burnt out i think 15 max but that is pushing it. this is why i need my diagnosis lmao #at least i have affordable housing and benefits for food and utilities so i actually could work 10 hours and have enough to pay for things #but like adult jobs are usually full time idk like to be a staff member at a nonprofit like i want to be #idk im sure theres a way to do it how i want #or i could get a semi boring remote job thats early hours and i have the rest of the day to myself like summer 2022 #i barely remember work from that summer bc early hours and i did what i wanted for the rest of the day that was a very good summer.. mMM #i want my whole life to be like that summer thats my picture board #but not broke ahah

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shirogane-oushirou · 5 months

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[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]

me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "

the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)

so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')

#(edit: just to be clear -- the 'job' is in quotes only bc in my case i'm not being paid as much as a proper job LOL LMAO. :') )#the last post abt this was more 'i'm giving myself an out if i can't do it'. now it's 'i can't do it' ksjdnksjn #i'm still gonna try to do some other things that don't require as much undivided attention as art does though...?#blah blah blah ren wouldn't want me to stress etc etc etc. still disappointing.#he came to me RIGHT when i needed him... but also... why did it have to be 6 days after my other closest main's anniv JKASN #i'm debating making the wedding the same day as the r!ren anniversary just so it's one less date to worry about LMAO ;;;;;#anyway. just venting about the fact that so much is happening Right Now and not Literally Any Other Time.#at least i'll have a little extra pocket money for a comm or two once i finish redoing his ref sheet...!!#and the reality is... i've made SO MUCH art of him over the past year. i won't be struggling to find posts to rb on the day ksjdn #i should probably get started gathering that art for the yumeship sheet though jsdnk time to dive through my tags.#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -

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maddy-ferguson · 26 days

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shows i've watched the most:

4. new girl (x7)

3. teen wolf (x4-11 depending on the season)

2. glee (x8)

1. gilmore girls (x16.5)

i don't know why i wrote it like this because i don't know where i should actually put teen wolf

#just letting you know #and like i say: brf slt #i'm in the midst of my 17th gilmore girls rewatch. watch. my 16th rewatch #i've actually also seen mtv scream 7 times that's crazy #it's only two seasons like 22 episodes so it feels very different the others are all over 100 episodes #(well no teen wolf is exactly 100 episodes)#that's why i'm not putting it. i didn't even think of it i just remembered it and checked...but i'm telling you now #with teen wolf it's like. i rewatched it every december from 2019 to last year last year was my last rewatch i think i made a post about it #and the first time after i was done with season 6 i was like i want to rewatch the first seasons so bad they're so fun so i did that i #watched the first three seasons again and then there's years where i rewatched everything once and then season 3 again and i really don't #fuck with season 6 so at one point i was like why am i putting myself through this. i can literally stop doing this it doesn't even matter #i've already seen it plus i'm watching season 3 again after that anyway #i think the only other show i've seen more than twice is grey's anatomy? not in full but there's a lot of episodes from the first 10 season #s #i've seen 3 to 4 times. for all my other shows it's probably only 2 times #wait lie i've seen all of stranger things more than 3 times. but it's so short and i've seen season 1 a lot more than i've seen season 4 #and that's obviously also the case for tw but it's not the same...there's only like 35 episodes or however many there are #there aren't even 35 episodes there's 34 #i've seen season 1 six times. which isn't 'a lot more than how many times i've seen 4 if i've seen all of them more than 3 times'.#ngl. i actually don't know how many times i've seen a lot of teen wolf episodes like these are my numbers on tvst but i actually can't #count so i have to trust my past self who also couldn't count. but if it's not 4-11 it's 4-10 or 4-12 idk...there's episodes i've seen 15 #times it happens #it hasn't happened for any other show it's just tw and gilmore girls. but they're so different i never watch just one gilmore girls episode #by itself. except twenty-one is the loneliest number when i turned 21 #actually my most rewatched teen wolf episode is probably closer to 20 than it is to 15. and you would never guess what it is. it's #insatiable! i love it. hold still don't fight hold still <- only real insatiableheads will understand this #insatiable probably taught me the word insatiable both in french and in english i was like 13 #i hope you won't judge me for being a wolfie🙏

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cavity-collector · 1 month

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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dayurno · 1 year

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kevjean

#having thoughts and ideas and considerations #ive been rereading tnotg all kevjean scenes like its a fan cut of all the times they interacted #and im like oww i see it all. i really get and see the vision.#lately my vibe is this: i think post canon kevin spends like at least a year running away from jean #whenever theyre in the same room because kevin is terrified at the thought that jean might resent him #sits down next to you. the vibes are also person whos been in love for the last 6 years vs person who is painfully unaware #is jeans attachment to kevin a direct consequence of kevin being the only person to treat him kindly in the nest. does it matter #but i think once you experience that kind of thing youre loyal to that person 4ever. and i really see it for jean #hes out & about in usc and he can fuck whoever he wants but unfortunately he is in love w kevin day and will probably always be.#we’ve all been there #anyway that is the perfect kevjean scenario. To Me #theyre breeding ground for misunderstandings and im having fun :)#i also want them to fuck raw and to be honest i might just post the first ever kevjean no angst no nothing pwp later this month #i contain multitudes and all #lets kiki about them if anyone has anything fun to say about kevjeanisms #txt

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narugen · 4 months

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got another hoshimina fic idea… it takes them four people and nine years before they get their shit together.

#egg boils #first part is kafka&mina <- not the worst person she could go to for advice really #also bc kafka is the only person she can totally herself with. she’s got 9 years of feelings to let out okay. screw the formalities for onc #second part is hoshina&okonogi that’s his buddy. they’re buddies. besties. okonogi also not a bad choice for advice except she doesn’t know #what hoshina is talking abt half the time bc you do know the captain is never THAT close to anyone but you right vice captain?#hoshina: ???#third part is mina hitting true desperation. narumi&mina. narumi for advice is fucking crzy. but she’s also crazy. and pining #and down bad down so bad it’s like hoshina is pretending NOT to notice how abysmally bad she is for him #narumi: why am i involved. why . get me out of here. i don’t care #mina: shut up and listen.#THEYRE HESTIES TO MEEEEE #the second other person mina can be somewhat herself with okay. okay #might switch it around so narumi is first but we’ll see. it would be funny bc last person is #kafka&hoshina . hoshina letting his woes out to the guy that joined the defense force 6 months ago but hoshina thinks kafka might be the #best person to consult. “you can read her expressions better than i do #and kafka is just like. but she’s always showing some her most obvious faces around u tho..?#hoshina again: ????#see it’d be funny if the first person mina consulted be narumi and then the year after hoshina talks to okonogi and it takes one (1) kafka #for them to sort their shit out actually.#i’ll let it ruminate in my brain for a bit more #i love friendship and duos what can i say #hoshimina #ficwip #<- next one #idea bank

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bilestat · 4 months

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#constantly laughing at myself for somehow being only a casual viewer of this show #for literally 3-4 years #i saw most of s4-6 live and of course now s7 #and i’m p sure some of s3 as well #and i planned to start from the beginning for so long #i was going to do it last summer #but now finally did and am hyperfixating like crazy #once again sorry i won’t shut up about the firefighters but i cannot help it #love being in the weird limbo of longtime viewer but also new viewer (from the beginning/Seriously watching)#personal #to be deleted

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lith-myathar · 5 months

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#i joke about it and all but like. i cannot emphasize enough what an impact it had on me to be uhhhhhb #micro-institutionalized in the way that i was for the first 14 years if my life #and i am honestly going to count the time i soent in ''elementary'' school bc it wasn't a normal school. it was a charter school #that began as a parent organized alternative and swiftly devolved into an authoritarian nightmare #a bunch of people who were simply not ready to educate children let alone ''problem'' children #of which there were MANY because that school got all the kids who had been turned out of public school for behavioral issues #there were hardline rules about literally everything. normal childhood behavior was pathologized and punished and as a kid #you had no way to understand WHY #and so many of your peers were having problems because ofc those ''problem'' kids were typically severely traumatized #or were actively being abused #so even if it wasn't happening TO you you were being exposed to it in a hundred little ways every day #so i was confused and miserable all the time AND was struggling academically bc i had undiagnosed adhd #(or possibly just trauma?? i honestly neither know nor care which came first at this point)#so my mom pulled me and my brother out. him at 11 and me at 6 and said ''i'll just do it myself'' and #raised us in a way that wasn't religious but resembled evangelical or lds stuff #i couldn't watch commercial tv or listen to popular music bc my parents didn't want me exposed to what they considered inappropriate #and while i still had extracurriculars i was always the odd one out bc i had no exposure to pop culture or normal socialization #for my age group #it resulted in me always feeling alone and like i didn't belong. and since most of my social life was my parents and their friends #that was the perfect soup for adultification #i was fine with adults. put me with my peers and i was a mess #it made the transition to high school incredibly difficult but i DID make it #but that was only 4 years still in an institution. everything began to unravel once i tried to move into anything resembling ''real life''#and then my dad's suicide which was a major trauma in early adulthood which only made my mom's grip on us tighten #i did get to START life until 26. not really. and it's just been a game of catch up for the last 5 years #and im so *angry* at the unfairness of it all. at the time and experience and milestones that were taken from me. at how i blamed myself #for it for so many years and the problems i developed because of it all. dissociation and substance abuse and suicidality #the fear that still has a death grip on me #the courage required to just exist #it's *exhausting*

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mchiti · 1 year

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I got my baba an iphone 12 as a gift [now I'm broke y'all]. I have an iphone 11. He's INSISTING to give me his new phone and take mine despite it making absolutely no difference for me (the only difference is that I got his in green which I have to admit is such a cute colour BUT IT'S OKAY I DON'T CARE]

so it's been 2 hours of us going back and forth over this.

"take it"

"no"

"wallah 3afak hala take it"

"no"

AND NOW HE WAS TALKING TO MY BROTHER on the phone "your sister got a new phone..."

NO>>???????????

#do you want to swap fathers only for tonight #i get he doesn't really care like I gave him my old iphone 6 last year but he had to update to use his retirement app lmaooo #but like can he accept a gift for once #Allah really said I made moroccan fathers and I'll give them moroccan daughters #like he's making it such a big deal they are more or less the same thing but noo he can't fanthom having “a newer model”#here me explaining both phones are “old” to the market anyways soooo #what do I have a job for. I don't pay for almost anything here. let me pay for something a baba.

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arcaneyouth · 10 months

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whats the nicest way i can explain the concept of rationing to my family without calling them stupid cunts and whores and reminding them about that one time i was literally starving because of them

#they ate all the fucking cookies from my aunts which you would think is not a big deal but ohoho!#i have literally said out loud to them many times this week that they never leave food for me and its exhausting #i thought they got the message #and what do i find going downstairs excited to eat the special treat my aunts give us once a year?#nothing.#they didnt even leave the shitty ass baby candy canes for me.#i had 1 cookie. out of 15. in a house with 6 people in it.#because they cant give enough of a shit about me to remember i exist #***after i explained this to them MULTIPLE. MULTIPLE TIMES THIS WEEK***#BECAUSE IT WAS THANKSGIVING AND THEY NEVER LEAVE LEFTOVERS AND I WAS AFRAID #AFRAID BECAUSE THAT COULD BE SOME MEALS FOR A WEEK OR TWO AND MY RATIONS WOULD LAST LONGER #AFRAID THAT THEY WOULD EAT EVERYTHING AND I WOULD STARVE AGAIN #the only reason the Thanksgiving food isnt gone is because im the only one with the patience to crack open crab legs with a butter knife #like . do they not fucking understand the reason i own a minifridge is because i am so terrified of running out of food #so i need a place to hide it away before they can take it from me #they clearly fucking don't.#i know its just some cookies i know i know i know but oh my God they're going to kill me some day #just like they nearly did a year ago #and the worst part is its not actively malicious.#they just dont care to remember i exist.#vent post #negative #anyways advice on how to confront them without stabbing them to death would be awesome

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tomb-mold · 2 years

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🦂

#this is from last month im just dumping it here #from when i found this brown lipstick that i got like 6 years ago in the bottom of a drawer. its ok guys makeup doesnt expire! right #its actually really good and kicked off my recent decision to ease my way into wearing a little makeup again once in a while #but ONLY if its to do lazy little goth looks. no subtle no-makeup-makeup shit here boy. this is still a makeup hate blog to be sure #anyway.#me #selfie

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