#and setting yourself up for disappointment/sham/whatever when they show who they are

[taylortruther]

Controversial opinion maybe but I think travis and taylor are cute together but my care for travis stops with taylor ( sorry if that sounds rude) so it's interesting to me when i see people saying stuff like 'a few months ago i couldn't give a shit about football and now i'm watching travis highlight reels and researching football' like I think it's cool that taylor got a whole bunch of people interested in a sport but i still can't quite wrap my head around people caring about something they didn't have a single interest in just cause of one person. Like, it's not like im wanting to judge the people but it's just like, i just can't relate to it and i dont think i ever will. Like, imagine if taylor was dating an architect and you all of the sudden had a bunch of people who weren't before now interested in building designs. Like i dont know, i think that it's just kind of funny.

nah i feel the same. i'm happy taylor's happy but i have negative interest in football so travis and the games are whatever for me. although swifties becoming architecture stans sounds dope as hell honestly lmao

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

The wedding crash prompt is so big brain.. how about an MC who ended up in an arranged marriage she didn't care for at all, and Jamil, along with his assistant crashers Kalim, idiot duo Adeuce, and Grim, decide to put a stop to this sham. Jamil was her number one, and he isnt gonna let anyone else steal that spot... thank you so much for all your work!!

Wedding crashing scenarios are such fun in fiction, aren’t they? They must be a nightmare to deal with in real life, though...

And you are very welcome!

***Warning: Spoilers for the prologue and Jamil’s Unique Magic!***

“I object to this wedding...!”

Pre-Wedding Jitters

You’ve returned home, and your parents are so worried about you having gone missing for so long.

They are quick to thrust you into an arranged marriage, convinced that, once you are wed, your new husband will make sure that you are kept safe and happy.

Your parents want to keep you stress-free, so they ask that you leave the wedding preparations to them, only occasionally asking for your opinions on the cake and your dress.

They are surprised when you ask them for an Arabian gown, dripping with beading and jewelry. You were never the type for excessive baubles before--but they comply with your wishes.

It reminds you of your boyfriend Jamil, left behind in Twisted Wonderland when the mirror called you to go home.

In this way...he can be there, with you, in spirit on your wedding day to a man you do not love.

Little do you know, Jamil has had his eyes on you the entire time, using an enchanted handheld mirror borrowed from Coach Vargas--a mirror which shows you whatever you ask.

He knows you are unhappy--and it spurs him into action.

Jamil toils for weeks on end, researching a way to pass between the worlds--until he finally stumbles across an ancient spell, able to be used once for a short time frame. It is risky, but he is willing to risk it all for you.

Kalim whines that he wants to come along, much to Jamil’s chagrin--and what’s worse, Kalim even loudly talks about it to the other students.

He assembles Grim, Ace, Deuce, and Jamil one night to discuss “Operation: Reclaim-Jamil’s-Princess”!

“You should ride in on an elephant and whisk (Y/N) off her feet!”

“No. I am absolutely not doing that.”

“Okay, okay--how about on a tiger then?”

“No.”

“...An ostrich?”

“KALIM, I SAID NO AND THAT IS FINAL.”

“What about chicks?” Deuce suggests. “A whole army of chicks to overtake them!”

“That sounds somehow even more lame!” Ace complains, rolling his eyes.

“Just let the great Grim-sama loose on that dumb ol’ wedding! I’ll set their asses on fire and make’m regret takin’ my minion!”

“Didn’t you set Kalim’s ass on fire before? What makes you think you won’t do that again?!” Ace demands, glaring at the demon cat.

“FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT BRINGING ANY ANIMALS WITH US.”

“I’m NOT an animal, yanno!! I’m the great Grim-sama...!!”

Their squabbling goes late into the night, with Jamil being the only voice of reason to reign the idiots all in.

The Crashing

You want to cry when you look at yourself in the mirror.

You look beautiful in all of that golden jewelry and intricate beading, your makeup a dusty rose--but Jamil will never be able to see it.

You try to hold it together as your parents come to bring you to the venue.

The entire ride there, they are chattering excitedly about how great your future husband is: he is polite, he is intelligent, he is capable...he is perfect for you.

You’ve met the guy a few times, but he seems kind of boring--but you can’t bring yourself to protest, so you just nod along.

At last, you arrive at the venue and your father is escorting you, hand in hand, down the aisle. All of your friends and family have gathered for this momentous occasion--you cannot disappoint them now.

Wait. Is that who you think it is standing at the altar? He’s dressed in flowing white fabric and sprinkles in fairy dust, appearing ethereal in the church lights and under the stained glass windows.

“J-JAMIL?!” You nearly drop your bouquet.

“What are you so surprised, dear?” your father asks. “You have met Jamil prior to the wedding, haven’t you?”

There is something strange about his eyes--they are blank and hollow, pliant. Just like when Kalim was under the influence of Snake Whisper.

“Come now, (Y/N). Do not make a fuss. I have journeyed across countless dimensions to see you again,” Jamil purrs, taking you in his arms.

“WHOO-HOO! GO GET’ER, JAMIL!” comes Kalim’s excited cheering from behind you.

Holy crap--Ace, Deuce, and Grim all have front row seats, looking slightly uncomfortable as Kalim shouts right in their ears.

“Well then, shall we begin?” the priest asks, his eyes every bit as clouded over as your father’s.

You somehow manage to stumble through the vows and seal the deal with a kiss.

The Aftermath

You are escorted out by your friends after the vows.

“Isn’t Jamil so cool? He Snake Whispered your parents and the priest guy into thinking he was your fiance!” Kalim laughs as he skips alongside you.

“That...that sounds kind of illegal. I mean, I’m happy you came for me, but that sill sounds illegal,” you point out.

“Not as illegal as us kidnapping your actual fiance, tying him up, and stuffing him in a broom closet for the ceremony,” Ace says with a wicked grin.

“You...you WHAT?”

“Er, sorry. He was trying to stop us, so I had to rough him up a little.” (Only Deuce is slightly apologetic.)

“Ah, don’t worry so much, minion!” Grim reassures you. “What matters is that we have ya back now, yanno?”

“It is fine. By the time the magic wears off, all they will remember is that their daughter was happily wed to the ideal man,” Jamil declares with a half lidded smirk. “But enough chat.”

Jamil waves his magical pen in an arc and chants an ancient spell, summoning a portal--and beyond it lies Twisted Wonderland.

He offers you his hand. “...Will you come home with us? With me?”

His eyes are soft and pleading--but he does not need to use his Unique Magic to convince you to accept his hand.

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Lithium Chapter 2.

Prologue/ Part 1/

Summary: “You’ve fallen in love with your best friend, unfortunately, he’s planning his wedding to someone else”. Warnings: Angst. Pairings: Steve Rogers/ Reader.

Part: 3/6

Dashing Hopes

It was like watching a train crash, you knew you should look away, you should save yourself the heartache and just leave. Turn away from the scene and pretend it didn’t happen. But you loved self-punishment. You wondered if a part of you enjoyed the feeling of your heart breaking, of your chest aching and the lump in your throat growing.

You couldn’t help but to always watch as Steve sat at your kitchen table with Peggy as they planned their wedding. Bucky would sit beside you making offhand comments about the ceremony while watching whatever the hell was on the television, and you just couldn’t pay attention to anything besides the fact that your best friend was getting married.

Again, you were a sucker for self-punishment.

It would have been so easy, you realized, so easy to just stand up from where you were seated and declare your love for the blonde. Sure it would have caused some chaos, some arguments, possibly a slap to your face; but was it worth losing a friendship over your feelings?

When those same feelings were suffocating you? You weren’t so sure anymore. So you stayed quiet while day after day, your calendar marked with orange crosses from your marker, crossing out the days before it was time for you to board a plane to your future; another color, the more ominous black, was marking down the days until Steve tied the knot. It was so easy to pretend with Steve, to pretend when it was just the two of you that nothing between you had changed. That back in your apartment you shared with Bucky, and once upon a time Steve, there wasn’t his soon-to-be bride waiting for him; that you were both those dumb dorks that would eat copious amounts of vendor food that would almost always give you food poisoning and get lost in New York. Sometimes you liked to play make-believe with him, to visit the stores on the Upper East Side and pretend, just for a moment, that you were able to afford the things those stores sold. That you and he were two identities in the world and when he looked at you, his heart stopped the way yours would. Now, however, instead of playing make-believe you had to listen as he spoke about his upcoming nuptials. Peggy wanted something low-key, he said, something with just friends and family. He was disappointed that you weren’t going to be there, but he was happy for you nonetheless. “Can I ask you something?” His question came out of the blue as you were both walking through Central Park, a hotdog in your hand while you balance your drink and handbag in the other. You turned to face him, ignoring the way your heart lurched at the sight of his chiseled jaw, the way the sun brought out the different shades of blue in his eyes; you never wanted to look away, “Of course,” you turned back around and resumed walking through the busy parkway. “Am I making a mistake?” Yes. Yes. Yes. That was the only thing going through your head at that stage. The words were on your lips, so close to passing through them and possibly ruining your friendship. Instead, you took a bite of your food and shrugged, “I can’t really say. I’ve never been in this situation before,” You choked on your hotdog for a moment, giving him a small thumbs up as your best friend patted you on the back humorously, “That being said though; I was always told that when you know, you know. Whether you met that person a lifetime ago or a year ago,” His blue eyes sparked once again as he smiled at you, “See, and this is why you’re my best friend. You always know what to say to make things okay,” “Why? Are you having doubts?” You kicked a ball back over to the small group of children playing on the green grass. Steve shook his head and pulled a face, “I don’t know. It’s something that Buck said last night,” Your heart paused for a moment, “And what did Mister Barnes say?” “That I was rushing into this. That maybe I should take a step back and see what’s around me first,” You were going to kill that brunette asshole. You smiled up at your blonde best friend, scrunching up your rubbish and placing it in the bin, “My honest opinion? If you’re happy, then we’re happy for you. Now come on, I wanna get Starbucks before we head back,”

“I’m going to strangle you!” You called out to Bucky as you entered the apartment, the front door slamming open, making the items on the walls rattle. You slammed the door closed and threw your handbag on the wooden floor before stomping over to the man who’s head came peeking out of his room. “What for now?” He asked arrogantly, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. It was a regular occurrence of you threatening Bucky jokingly, but this time you were considering following through with your threat. You came to stand face to face with him, poking him in his abnormally hard chest. When did that happen? “You, telling Steve, that he’s rushing this with Peggy. He’s happy Bucky. He loves her. Leave. Him. Alone,” Bucky shook his head, “No. He’s in lust with her. He’s in love with you. And you’re in love with him. Just admit it, tell him, and get it over with. This wedding’s a sham,” “You’re such an asshole sometimes Bucky. You're my best friend, but we should be happy for Steve. He’s found someone to settle down with. Someone who cares about him as much as he cares about her. You need to stop, okay?” His hands came to rest on your shoulders, his blue eyes piercing your own, “This is breaking your heart. For days I’ve sat here and watched you pretend you’re okay. Watching you help Peggy choose a dress and a location and whatnot, but it’s destroying you!” You took a step back as tears threatened to fall down your cheeks, “Yes okay. This is killing me. Seeing him happy with her? Seeing the way he looks at her and knowing he will never look at me like that? Seeing how he touches her and loves her and my heart begging him to love me like that? It hurts Bucky. So god damn much, but Steve’s happy and I’m happy for him. Even if it’s not with me,” The sound of a plastic bag being placed on a bench made you spin on your feet, hair falling into your face as you saw Steve’s stormy blue expression watching you carefully. His jaw clenched a few times, his hand falling limply by his side. “Steve,” You whispered out. Your heart was pounding in your chest, your throat was closing up, you felt like you were about to have a full blown panic attack. How much had he heard? Bucky moved to grab a jacket from inside his room, “It needed to be done,” He murmured to you as he moved past you and made his way through the front door. You quickly realized that your roommate had something to do with this and, in your emotions, you hadn’t heard the door opening. You were thanking whoever was listening that Peggy wasn’t there. Steve crossed his arms over his chest. You could cut the atmosphere between you both with a knife. It was suffocating, the way his eyes were looking at you, like he was upset, like he was mad. Confused was another word that came to mind. “Where’s Peggy?” You managed to choke out. Steve shrugged a shoulder, “Downstairs in the car. We were going out to dinner but then I got this text from Buck saying that I needed to get over here. I came in and heard that” He stated simply. You looked down, “How much did you hear?” “All of it,” He took a step forward, almost as if he was frightened to approach you, “Did you mean it?”

You quickly realized that it was now or never. The universe gave you an opportunity to tell Steve your true feelings for him, and now it presented itself. His face was set, not a single emotion was now showing, his jaw was twitching slightly from where he was clenching his jaw, but apart from that, you couldn’t get emotion from him. “Steve-” You began. He shook his head, “No more bullshit. Are you in love with me?”

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[tinywriter2018]

Chapter Four 

Mrs. Hao watched another gentlemen come into the shop, his eyes scanning everything but what she was selling.  

“Here comes another one.”  She elbowed Weiwei, who looked up from her work.  The queen’s dress was in her hands, and her eyes fell back to it, as soon as they had disappeared from it.   

“Don’t they know by now not to come looking.”  Weiwei complained, but Mrs. Hao kicked her chair.  

“Just reject him like the others.  They leave faster that way.”  Weiwei smiled at her boss, before finally looking up.  The young man came up to her, smiling bright.  

“News of your beauty has traveled far in Shanghai, but I had to see for myself if it was true.”  Mrs. Hao snorted from her seat.  Weiwei tried to not roll her eyes at him. 

“Thank you sir, but I am not looking for a gentleman caller.”  

“But surely one such as yourself is in need-” 

“I have everything I need here.  I am also once wed already and not in need for a second.  I’m sorry to disappoint.  If you need anything mended or made I would be happy to help.”  He looked rejected.  Nodding he bowed before leaving the shop quickly.  

“You know your tongue is just as sharp as your stitches.”   Weiwei smiled at Mrs. Hao, her saving grace since coming to Shanghai with the Musketeers.  It had been six long months since her arrival and the business with Cao Guang.  Erxi had written to her once Cao Guang had returned to their hometown.  The fine nearly decimated their wealth, but he was relative lucky to not have lost a hand.  His class and social standing was the only reason he remained unscathed physically and everyone knew it.  

“Has he been by today?”  Mrs. Hao asked, her eyes on her young ward.  Weiwei’s cheeks grew a light pink.  

“I don’t know who you mean.”  she coyly said, finishing the last stitch on the evening gown for the Queen.  

“The man who is madly in love with you and you with him.”  

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”  Mrs. Hao made a sarcastic sound before finishing her own stitch.  

“Young love.”  She mumbled before going to find a new project.  Weiwei’s eyes glanced through the window of the shop to peer at the Musketeer barracks across the way.  

⚔⚔⚔

It was a slow day at the shop, not much needed down for once.  Weiwei was in her apartment, making it presentable, she intended to have the Musketeers over for a decent meal tonight instead of barrack food. She was setting up the table when there was a knock on her door.

“Xiao nai your not supposed to be-”  Opening the door she didn’t find Xiao Nai standing there. Instead she found her ex-husband glaring at her.  

“Xiao Nai?  Xiao Nai?  Whose that?  Your lover?”  He barged right in past her, entering her home.  She felt her pulse increase, her adrenaline running through her.  Zhen Shaoxiang has always been a jealous man.  “I come home after all this time to find the place abandoned and run down.  You gone.  Erxi told me you ran off with a Musketeer.  I couldn’t believe it at first, my Weiwei, would never do something so low and common as that.  But here I find you living across from, probably servicing them as they please.”  Weiwei, grabbed a cloth from a counter, making her way to the windowsill, she placed it just outside under a flowerpot.  When she turns back around, Zhen Shaoxing pulls her to him, kissing her harshly.  Pushing him off, she slapped him, her eyes fierce.  

“You don’t get to do that.  Not anymore!”  

“I’m your husband, it’s only right for a man to kiss his wife.”  

“Not anymore.  I had the marriage annulled, you and I are no longer married.”  She glared at him, watching his face slowly build with rage as the realization of what she just said sank in.  

“You what?”  He took a step towards her, making her take one back.   

“We are no longer married.” 

“That’s impossible, we said vows at in front of god.”  

“You broke those vows when you left me for five years.”  

“You can’t leave me.  I won’t allow it.”  He went to slap her, but before he could touch her, his hand was stopped in mid air. Xiao Nai stood there, his face neutral.   

“Miss Bei, are you alright?”  She nodded, steading herself.  

“Who are you?  Her lover?” Xiao Nai gave him a cold look, tightening his grip.  

“And whom might you be?” Shaoxing finally got his wrist loose.  

“Her husband.”  

“That’s strange, Miss Bei no longer has one.  I made sure the papers were in order.”  

“Is this the Xiao Nai you were speaking about earlier?  You left me for a soldier rat?”  

“Miss Bei, do you know where they are?”

“Try to not to kill him while I’m gone.”  Weiwei whispered to him, before disappearing into her bedroom to obtain the signed divorce papers.  

“You see when my men and I found Miss Bei, she was living in a rundown home, with a chicken for food and practically no money.  She spoke how the last time she saw you was five years prior.  So for her help in capturing a fugitive on run from the crown, I helped her obtain an annulment on grounds of abandonment.  The fact that there was no child as proof of consummation only made it easier.”  Xiao Nai smiled at the man watching his anger build up.  Weiwei returned showing a document with the king’s seal.  

“The king of Shanghai?  How did a low born like you get-” 

“The Queen.  Since moving here I’ve been in charge of repairing and making the Queens gowns.  She heard of my struggles of trying to move on from a husband who left me and was probably dead.  Queen Shanshan herself told me it was pleasure to help me get rid of you from my life legally.”  

“Your just like the queen, a low born-”  Xiao Nai placed a hand on his sword, catching his eyes.  

“Choose your next words carefully.  I am a King’s Musketeer.” 

“I came to find my wife.  We are to go back home, a better home.”  

“You have no wife here, or did you not understand what she was saying? You were a fool.”  Shaoxiang went to reach for Weiwei.  Xiao Nai quickly pulled out his gun aiming it at his head.  Weiwei took a step behind him.  

“I have money now.  Lots of it, I can support us, have a better life, no more sewing till your fingers bleed, no more collecting eggs to sell instead of eat.”  Weiwei squared her shoulders back, walking over to him and slapped him one more time.  

“I want nothing to do with you.  We both knew from the very beginning why you wanted to marry me.  It was sham from the start.  Now get out of my home.”  Zhen Shaoling, glares at her, his eyes glancing at the gun that was still pointed at him before meeting hers once more.

“I’ll go.  But know this Weiwei, I will be back for my wife.  No papers will deny the fact that you are mine.”  He left, slamming the door behind him.  

“He’s pleasant.”  Xiao Nai spoke, putting his gun away.  

“Whatever Zhen Shaoling wants he gets.”  Xiao Nai grabs her hand, pulling her into him.  He moved a piece of hair back behind her ear.  His smile gentle, his thumb rubbing her cheek.  

“I know a place where he can never find you.  You’ll be safe there until we know he won’t harm you.”

“Okay.”  She whispered, her eyes glancing at his lips.  His fingers easily tangled in hers, bringing them closer. Xiao Nai moved his lips closer to hers, their noses brushing, for a moment it seemed like they would stay like this.  “Why do you do this to me?”  She whispered.  Untangling her hand, she took a step away.  “I need to pack a few things.”  She mumbled before disappearing into another room.  

⚔⚔⚔

“So the old husband is alive.”  Hao Mei teased grabbing her bag from her.  Weiwei hit him on the shoulder holding her coin purse tightly to her.  

“Ex-husband. Shanghai is big, how was I supposed to know he would find me.”  Weiwei sighed looking at all four men walking with her.  “Do I really need four Musketeers to escort me?”  Yu Banshan laughed, putting an arm around Xiao Nai.  

“It’s not like we had a choice in the matter.  Not that we  think you could not handle yourself.”  

“Remember that time we got Xiao Nai drunk?  The guy he was loosing to was so pissed, but she ended up beating him instead.” 

“His head fell right back into the wall, out like a light.”  Weiwei shrugged her shoulders.  

“Use your surroundings when you can.”  They were only walking for a few minutes, till they came to a building directly connected to the barracks of the Musketeers.  She waved at the young cadets who were still mesmerized at her.  

“Why do they have to stare like that?”  She whispered.  Xiao Nai gave a small smile.  

“Your legendary around her my lady.”  He opened up a door to a back room in the old house.  The one style room was perfect for her to sew and work on the Queens garments but also perfect spot to keep her hidden away from Shaoxing.  

“You’ll be safe here my lady.”  Hao Mei put her bag down.  

“This building is only used by the Captain of the Musketeers and his Lieutenant.  Cadets shouldn’t be coming in or out, not unless there is an emergency.” Qiu Younghou  added, hoping to reassure her.  

“Isn’t Xiao Nai the captain?”  She asked connecting eyes with Xiao Nai.  Yu Banshan smiles, pushing Xiao Nai’s shoulder a little.  

“Yes but I also live here, so not to worry My Lady.  Your honor is safe.”  

“How evil do you think I am?”  Xiao Nai glared at him.  Weiwei ran her hand over an old sewing machine, her eyes on the wheel.  

“You can bring me any clothing from the barracks that needs mending, Mrs. Hao won’t mind.  The Queens sewing needs are never enough time to fill my day.  Especially if there is no royal event going on.”  

“Will do my lady.”  Yu Banshan tips his hat, leaving with Hao Mei & Qiu Younghou.  She waves goodbye, before turning her attention back to the old machine.  She gives the hand wheel a few cranks, watching it move slowly.  Weiwei felt Xiao Nai’s eyes on her, his footsteps creaking against the wooden floor.  She felt him directly behind her, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up, her heart began to increase in pace.  

“Do you think I tease you?”  He whispered.  She held in a sigh, her breath deepening.  

“The only compliments you have are for my looks.  What makes your interest in me any different then Zhen Shaoxiang’s?  Or from any other suitors?”  Xiao Nai snaked his around her waist, his tight grip pulling her back against him.  She felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest, his breath against her skin.  

“I do not tease.  I mean what I say and what I do.  Your beauty is only one part of the puzzle that is Weiwei.  That wasn’t the reason I asked you to come with us to Shanghai.  It’s not the thing that keeps me coming back to you.”  Weiwei let out a soft gasp, the moment his lips touched her neck.  Her cheeks flushed.  She refused to turn back to him when he pulled away.  

“Clean.”  she mumbled out.  “When you bring the repairs from the barracks, could you clean them this time?  I hate working over the blood.”  She turned to meet Xiao Nai’s gaze.  As usual his eyes gave nothing away.  

“As you wish my dear.”  He gave her a smile before leaving her alone with her thoughts.  

⚔⚔⚔

Masterlist 

[artclusters]

Short story under the theme “nature” for a college magazine.

“The meaning”

The boat drifted across the pristine lake, framed by lush earth and lodgepole pine trees in the distance. A sweet damp scent was ever-present and water-lilies lazily floated by. Shams has finished casting with a faint whizz that sliced the air, while Luke adjusted his camera settings. It was mostly quiet, aside from the occasional plops and ripples in the water, the far-off chatter of water-birds and the rustling of dragonflies. All they had to do now was to wait and bask in the radiating warmth from the clear late-morning sky, as Fairuz played tenderly from Luke’s phone…

“Why is fishing so romanticized when it’s actually just ridiculously boring?” Luke piped up, slightly irritated and bouncing his leg.

“Maybe we’ll catch something…until then, RELISH this dude. You’re just upset because you’re not getting instant gratification,” Shams mused.

“Yes. That’s exactly it. You’re right. Okay, I’m trying. I know how much you wanted to visit this park.” It was not unusual for Luke to feel restless whenever he was doing “nothing”. He twiddled his short beard as he tried to hold himself back from checking the line every 30 seconds on-the-dot. He felt that the boat will somehow break and drown them if he doesn’t do so.

Shams moved out of view and sat next to him. Luke carefully held his camera and took a photo, aiming to depict the glimmering silver fishing rod perched against the yellow boat’s edge in the center, the sky-blue lake clinging to the sides and with a tinge of greenery at the corners. He inspected it afterwards for what seemed like an eternity.

“It’s trash.”

“What! Why? Let me see.”

Luke defeatedly passed the camera to him. It was a fairly decent photo, in terms of artistry or aesthetic. The colors complemented each other well and it portrayed a pleasing natural scene.

“It’s nice dude,” Shams said frankly.

“No, it’s not,” Luke stood up and frantically flung his arms and turned in circles. “THIS is nice. EVERYTHING here is nice, VERY nice, but THIS-” he pointed harshly at the camera screen, “THIS is not nice. Do you see my problem? I am unable to CAPTURE the beauty around me! It’s not…right! I am a FAILURE!” He turned away in embarrassment, at both his vulnerable outburst and almost losing his balance.  

“…You’re being hard on yourself again…” Shams handed him back the camera. “Just take other photos, okay?”

After several Fairuz songs, camera clicks and releasing a small gasping trout, they set off to the trees trail.

[---]

They strolled through the path, occasionally stepping on fallen leaves and small pine-cones scattered about, emitting a satisfying crunch. The air was even more refreshing than the previous area, and the crisp fragrance of pine-oil replaced the dampness. This trail was a haven of abundance; white pines, red and white fir and ponderosa flourished all around. The red and yellow sugar and big-leaf maple trees were a splendid interruption to the green palette. Shams (being the enthusiast that he is) learned about all of them; Luke listened intently to his little presentations. Luke would also occasionally go back and forth to retrace his steps whenever he lost count, simultaneously making sure not to step over wooden panels. Shams was used to showing up late with him whenever they went somewhere and planning a route with the least human contact. They took their time - this was a goldmine for a photographer as well. Alas, Luke would pause extensively after every photo, only to sigh, curse and glare.

“I can honestly say I’ve never seen anyone stare so angrily at a camera,” Shams teased, to which Luke retaliated by snapping an off-guard photo of him.

They reached the center of the trail, where brown beckoning giant sequoia trees resided, and a gorgeous meadow clothed the rich soil. Lively song-bird chirps resounded from every tree-top, like an orchestrated melody. Shams did not waste the opportunity to share his knowledge with Luke about them (his favorite is the Steller’s jay).

“…This here is the finest ASMR you can experience dude,” Shams concluded, with a theatrical appraising hand motion. 

Luke wandered off to check out the meadow; it was identical to stepping onto a very soft carpet, and the dense grass brushed against his thin legs. Elegant dandelions and purple cress peeked between the blades in full bloom.

“Shams, aren’t you going to generously tell me about this meadow?” Luke knelt and pointed randomly, “why, I must know the exact conditions this flower will thrive in!”

“Nope, I’m not working for free no more! ... And by the way that’s a spring beauty.” Shams found an empty space and lied down, almost sinking in. He patted the ground motioning for Luke to rest for a bit.

Luke plopped alongside him. Looking up to the giants, it felt like being cradled as wise beings watched over them, holding up the immense sky. He tried to fight off the disturbing thought of being crushed by a swiftly collapsing tree – out of nowhere - and clenched his fists several times. He turned to face Shams, who was gleefully double-checking trivia about the park on his phone. Luke was overcome with a strong - yet familiar – feeling that he couldn’t find the words to describe. He quickly sat up.

“I was joking, you know. I can tell you about the meadow,” Shams said, a little too late.

“No, I’m- I’m good. Do you want to move on?” Luke asked, feeling flustered, and wiped his black flannel and grey Bermuda pants. 

“Sure. Help me up dude,” Shams put away his phone as Luke grabbed his wrists.

They went off for a bathroom break and came across a friendly park ranger clad in teal and beige; she directed them to amateur hikes that provide an elevated view.

[---]

The smooth path ended, and a craggy unruly path began. Luke stopped to drink some water (and snap photos that will end up in self-beratement) while Shams looked at a diagram, absorbing it in his memory. Luke thought of how he always admired his reliability in such matters. To their side was a charming, rocky creek, it’s comforting trickling constant in the background. Pink mountain laurels, white-bark pines and prickly cob-web thistles started to appear as they hiked upwards. They were careful not to trip over thick roots embedded in the moist ground, and to take notice of any wild-life around. Luke regretted his decision to wear rainbow-laced black sneakers just because they match his outfit. Non-threatening hissing, swishing and rushing sounds echoed from every nook and cranny. The afternoon sky was turning slightly darker, and the temperature somewhat colder.

“So, Luke, are you like, thinking of this as a career? Or is it more like a hobby?”

“I mean…maybe? I mean…it could be…I don’t…I don’t know, really.”

“Hm. Well, I don’t want to sound preachy, but I think… once you figure out what photography means to you, your feelings about your work might change…you- you get what I mean?”

“…No, no, yeah, yeah I get it! You don’t sound preachy dude don’t worry…thanks, Shams.”

“Alright, because you don’t have to monetize it or whatever, you can do things just because,” Shams was about to disparage capitalism again but decided to let it go.

They smiled with silent appreciation of their mutual understanding. The conversation bounced from their typical lighthearted stuff, like discussing the inspiring animated French film The Rabbi’s Cat they’ve seen the other day, to more serious venting about their troubles back home.

They eventually reached the top of a rock, mountain hemlocks and foliage sprawling and hanging along the sides. They were welcomed with a stunning vastness of vivid olive-green, blending with the hazy azure horizon of the golden glorious sky. Shams approached the edge while Luke hastily whipped out the tripod (Shams urged him to not rush through it).

Luke tried to sit still and fiddled with his earrings. An intrusive, gory image of carelessly falling and hurting himself played repeatedly in his head.

Shams gently put his arm around him, “I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.”

Luke hesitated before resting against his shoulder, “I just want to feel good about my work, but I haven’t been able to…for a long time…I don’t know why exactly.”

The breeze caressed them as they idly gazed ahead, anticipating that fiery combination of orange, red and yellow as they collide together, the sun nesting beneath the sparse clouds.

“…You were my first subject, Shams,” Luke recalled suddenly.

“…Huh, yeah, didn’t it take you like ages to settle on a concept?”

“That…does sound like something I would do.”

Shams smiled fondly, “but once we finally started, time just flew by. We were having so much fun. Ah, I looked quite…different back then.”

“…Yeah.” There was that powerful and familiar feeling again, bordering on a pang of nagging longing, the words to phrase it drowned in the back of his mind.

“Hey, I’ll help you set up.”

Luke counted down from 10 seconds and took several shots to construct in a panorama later. Fortunately, there were only a few people around. He attempted to hide his profound, inexplicable disappointment. Maybe he didn’t take it at the perfect moment. Maybe it was too late, or too early, sort of blurry or the angle was marginally off…he can conjure up endless criticisms if he thought about it for too long.

“Let’s go Shams, before it gets too dark.”

They soon packed up and went back using a shortcut to the paved lodges area. The pathway was calmly lit with rose-colored rope lights. They found a wooden bench, with a lime-green recycling bin and an oval table on the sides. The park was much quieter now, save for the movement of other visitors.

“Hey Luke, I’ll go get us drinks. Just um, sit here and look through today’s photos again. I’m sure you’ll find one you like, and we’ll call it a good day!” Shams reassured.

Luke drummed his fingers as he waited. He decided he might as well…

[---]

To Shams, photography simply meant one of the many wonderful ways to spend time with his dearest. Gradually, Luke spiraled with the obsession of honing and perfecting it – it was akin to a curse. Maybe it was the praise and expectations of other people; maybe it was the expectations he set for himself. Maybe it’s his destructive compulsive nature; maybe it’s the post-graduation emptiness. Maybe it’s his over-bearing parents who incessantly mock and belittle anything he enjoys. For whatever reason, Luke would tragically end up consumed by his passions until he has nothing left to give, evolving into loathing and ultimately abandonment.

“Hi there, what can I get you?” the worker cheerfully popped out from the small lodge square window. A sugary, mellow aroma wafted from inside.

Today has been a lovely yet heavy sensory experience for Shams, which gave him a moderate headache from having to process everything at once.

“Hello there…” Shams squinted at their name tag, “…Robin!” 

“Would you like some fresh apple juice?” They looked reminiscent of a brand mascot, wearing big white gloves, navy blue overalls and an oversized cap.

“…Sure. Two, please.” Shams hoped for a moment that they would’ve somehow sensed his worries and gave him advice or some encouraging anecdote that tells him exactly what he needs to hear. Of course, that’s only in fiction, or drama shows like This Is Us, it would be very awkward otherwise.

“Here you go, dear,” they handed him the drinks with a clink.

“Thank you.” He studied the menu, thinking if there’s anything Luke’s unpredictable taste would like. “Um, I’ll just have a popover, for now.” 

[---]

Luke scrolled down to the gallery beginning; he glanced at it with a lack of interest at first, then he realized there are photos he had completely skipped over.

A photo of Shams towards the boat’s edge, pretending to reel in a heavy catch, puffing out his chest and arms with a radiant, hearty smile.

The surprise photo he took of Shams at the tree trail, his huge curly hair a black blur, his endearing, contagious laugh displaying his tooth-gap. His ankh and many colorful stimming necklaces were tangled and swinging.

A photo of Shams looking keenly at the tree-tops, his cartoonish round glasses taking up half of his chubby face. He pushed back his curls and scrunched his bushy eyebrows, immersed in spotting any birds. He was wearing his beige outdoor vest and the Woody Woodpecker t-shirt that Luke gifted him, that has since gotten tighter.

The unrehearsed photo of Shams during their climb, when he interjected in Luke’s low-perspective shot attempt, which they giggled about right after. He was crouched down in his camouflage shorts and black hiking boots, his lone braid dangled over his shoulder, his hands twisted in a spontaneous vogue pose, showing off his purple-painted nails.

A photo of Shams living his intricate fantasy of an explorer; he emulated a triumphant demeanor, one hand on his waist (a rectangular scar on his forearm in view) and the other pensively placed on his chin. His kind hazel eyes glowed with awe and delight, as he contemplated towards nowhere in particular. There was a hint of strain on his serious face, most likely from trying not to laugh and break character. The pre-sunset sky formed a magnificent backdrop against his dark brown skin.

Luke held tightly onto the camera, almost as if it was in threat of suddenly disappearing. These photos (belonging to a bigger unexamined collection) were taken in jest after all- thus unimportant, right? No…these candid photos of Shams ignited beautiful feelings within him, feelings that he was looking for all along in his work, feelings that have continuously lived yearning to be acknowledged, feelings that he cannot begin to explain. But he will try, he had to, he must.

[---]

“Got the drinks!” Shams passed one to him, “oh and…three ice cubes! Just how you like it.” 

Luke absentmindedly set it aside and said nothing.

“Not in the mood for apple?”

“What? No, no, it’s great, Shams, listen,” Luke took a deep breath, “um, remember when you asked me earlier today what photography means to me?”

“Uh-huh, sort of,” Shams uttered between sips. He waved the delicious wrapped popover towards Luke’s face to try it, but he quickly shook his head.

“I don’t know if this is about to be one of my weird confusing ramblings, but I don’t care. Shams, in my pursuit for a pointless and meaningless and subjective notion of perfection I’ve lost track of WHY I enjoy this- why I even DO this in the first place, I mean, how it all started.” He tapped the camera rather forcefully, “this right here was for you and me, US. An…an- an outlet for two outcast high-schoolers, expressing themselves and- and discovering who we were. Shams, in the simplest terms, I…love photography, and what photography is - means - to me is…you.” He looked away, “I’m sorry that I forgot such an important thing, and I’m sorry if I sound like I’ve come across such an obvious epiphany…” He let out a pained chuckle, his cheeks flushed. “I don’t know if I’m making sense…”

Shams took a long sip and stayed quiet for a bit, in case he had something more to say. He knows how Luke agonizes when he loses his train of thought. He reached out his hand and tidied Luke’s bob-cut, his hair that he always ruins with his non-stop gestures.

“I love you too, Luke,” he requited with utmost sincerity.

They smiled. Then they broke into laughs.

Time stood still, a palpable aura of relief and exhilaration embracing them. Cascading shadows of tree leaves swayed gracefully nearby.

“…Hey, is the camera still on?” Shams finally asked.

Luke, still in a daze, checked the battery meter. “Yeah.”

“…Would you join me in one last photo today?”

“…”

[---]

Luke set up the tripod and selected a timed photo with a flash.

10…9…8…7…6

They turned to face each other as they sat back on the bench.

Shams softly placed his hands over Luke’s and leaned closer.

5…4…3…2…1

[End] ---