#and she actually genuinely wonders why I dont like to talk to her about emotional things :D

[gege-wondering-around]

can i just say that Elizabeth and Darcy from Pride and Prejudice are the old school version of Stiles and Derek?

Cause i will shout this from my balcony till it breaks beneath me!

Stiles (Elizabeth or if you want, 'lizzy') not giving a flying f about Derek (Darcy) cause this rich dude has no care for others and just runs on raw pride, which lead all his decisions. Which ultimately makes him look like the worst man on earth to Stiles' eyes, which is why he stays away from Derek.

But then, solitary man Derek will start to fall in love with this intelligent and fine creature (stiles) because he couldn't be more difficult to get!

Stiles doesn't care about society, stiles is sharp and of an intellectual awareness that defy every man in search of the tipycal silly type to ask for marriage, and Derek cannot stress himself enough about this sweet, pretty thing dancing around at balls and answering rudeness with politeness mixed with the most sublime undertone of confidence and assertiveness.

cause stiles doesn't care about money or status, stiles cares about marrying someone he truly loves and when he realized derek did love him, he felt sooooo ashamed of how judgemental he had been of this poor man who just wanted his hand! because derek loved him enough to forgive stiles for his harsh words towards him (cause stiles thought of him as a bad individual and spoke of it to him) from the past and was then a more genuine version of himself.

And as Derek and Stiles tangle their lives together because of friends and family, they end up as the most tight knot that will not be undone! especially after derek hear about stiles' high chin and firm words of 'i may not be engaged to him now, but fear i may will' that he spoke to Derek's aunt when she went to stiles to disagree of their possibile engagement

and what did stiles do?

respond to the rudeness of this lady with the sharpest and most confidence tone of 'we will choose for ourselves' which, when derek heard about this, made him go so out of his path to get stiles.

because they didn't know each other, then they did, and they fell in love. and they weren't going to NOT act on it.

(summary: enemies to lovers. which is now my new obsession- yes, i never invested into enemies to lovers, but now i might do some digging)

I'm gonna write a retelling of this so bad.

imagine.

this kind of pretty stiles (with a sharp tongue and pretty look that defy how his mind actually thinks and hides how much 'intellectual power' he has since, for the time the story it's set in, lizzy is an unusual brave woman who would rather marry the poor guy, love of her life over the rich, cold man with money)

pretty because lizzy is viewed as a very pretty women who is recognized as such in society (which dancy then calls 'the most beautiful women I've even seen in my entire life' after someone says she's not even that pretty)

who's personality can go from this ⬇️

yk, funny, outgoing, polite (sort of) and overall a wonderful presence to have conversations with and engage in sharing opinions and dance with during balls (in which her figure is gracefully dancing and all the other stuff i dont remember)

to this ⬇️

a wonderful undertone of 'f you with respect' and 'who do you think you are', who will also be able to undo you in 30 seconds in a verbal battle cause he has the intelligence and intellectual knowledge to do so and WILL do so without much regards for consequences cause he'll do so in a way that will makes it unable for you to bite back cause you'll end up the one being labeled as rude.

pared with

this angry looking fool, who looks more arrogant than anything most of the day, to most people (and even those who knows him talk very little of his doings, because he hides his true emotions and intentions. and despite pride being his fuel, he's still a caring man who is not talk about much if not for his money = they talk about his fortune and not the values he has, despite the sort of 'contorted' way in which everything is based on pride)

(which could also be older, but who know what I'll end up choosing when i write this - because yes, i love older men ⬇️)

who, ultimately, will look at stiles like this⬇️

because 'damn, you are the only person i want by my side for the rest of my life' and he wont be able to move his gaze elsewhere cause despite being an a-hole to stiles for the major part of theirshared time, he was still able to redeem himself by showing his kindness and actually gets stiles.

while stiles is like

because after pulling up the bad facade of 'i dont give a f about you cause i think you are rude', he felt ashamed when he found he was wrong about him but then darcy (derek) forgives him and he can't hold his feelings anymore and just shows everything through his eyes and the soft laughter he lets out when they talk cause he has still to process how much these two are gonna love each other (this, before they are engaged)

so.

I'll buy the book (cause i read a school fitted version of it), annotate things, write down some coherent line of plot and one day, I'll write everything down.

till then, I'll scream about this from my balcony, thanks for have come to this sort of tedtalk.

and this is for you, my sweet @dontcallpanic, i hope you'll like my little gift as I'm still working, rather slowly, on my replies for you 🩵🫂

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet post-finale discussion

this is a post that goes over some things that i briefly touched on in the tags/mentions some plot points i wasn't able to expand upon! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS after the cut. so dont look unless u want it to be spoiled

ok so! i want to first of all start out by thanking everyone reading/the ellie community this for being so patient and wonderful and just lovely in general! writing long fics can be so draining for me, especially when i start making poor plot choices and start writing parts that are over 10k words (i at least have the decency to be ashamed of it). i hope that you all have enjoyed reading p7/the rest of the series. i did want to offer a little more elaboration on some points/why i made some of the plot choices that i did. so spoilers under the cut!

petra

petra's character might seem super random, and it's because she actually used to play a much bigger role in this story. my original outline included petra actually coming back to jackson as well as a few cutscenes away to her time working at a bourbon plant in kentucky, detailing exactly how the goods were contaminated/how they actually got past quality control. i cut these scenes bc i was like literally no one came to read about this random oc.

how did terranova get infected (in other words: what petra's story would've told)

she used to have a monologue talking about how everyone in the plants—even the commanding officers—were frustrated with the poor conditions and managed to infect weaker members, tie them up, and drop their saliva into the vats of aging bourbon. this slipped past quality control because you'll recall that 1) the prices were skyrocketing in terranova and 2) there was a festival that involved hella drinking. petra was supposed to explain that since the prices of liquor were so high and quality control could be overly cautious, flagged bottles were smuggled off by guards and sold in a black market. so that's why it was so fast/why it got through the borders!

why didnt u write a smut scene between ellie and y/n smh

i honestly planned to—i had a whole scene where y/n has her little top moment, but i just couldnt integrate it into the last final scenes. to me it just felt too much for ellie to be like yes im opening up 2 u emotionally....now lets fuck in the span of like 20 mins when they hadn't been speaking beforehand. and also i think it speaks to how ellie kind of used sex to put distance between them in the first few parts and tried to avoid any sort of emotional intimacy, so this was a big step for her. also if i were y/n id be sleepy as hellllll at that point and would not have the wrist stamina for any sort of activities that didn't involve tucking into bed after the day she's had!

what next?

so of course there's the epilogue, but that doesn't have to be all. i was thinking of writing an alternate ending that adheres more firmly to tlou 2 canon and involves joel's death + ellie's spiral, where y/n actually chooses to leave terranova with dina to try to find her once she hears from her father about a girl with a fern tattoo that's causing a disturbance just a bit south of terranova. i didn't want that to be the actually legit ending, because i do think it's important for ellie's conscience to know that she's not keeping y/n from somewhere safer.

so in conc: epilogue for sure, maybe an alternate ending, and potentially a few "deleted scenes" (including the smut scene i cut)

why did you choose to do that to terranova instead of having ellie find her or y/n leave?

ellie was never going to terranova to get y/n because she'd never try to take her from there unless she had a genuine belief that she'd be better off outside. so i suppose that there could've been a storyline about ellie finding out about terranova possibly getting infected, but idk how she would know that when communication is so private and tommy wasn't even able to get in contact with any terranovan authorities with his connections.

i didn't go with my alternate ending idea where y/n actually chooses to leave, partly because of ellie and mostly because i felt like terranova needed to get blown up anyway. i was hoping that part of the message i sent with this was that overconsumption is never sustainable and that it will always have consequences, and terranova falling apart because of and not in spite of its resources and suppliers seemed like a good way to get the job done!

this may not be something anyone is particularly interested in but if you have any questions about any things i didn't cover in the finale, feel free to ask ! now that the actual plot is mostly complete and i can't really spoil anything, i have a lot more flexibility with answering things!

[priscirat]

if its okay to ask can i have your long thoughts on your last art because i am oh so interested

oh absolutely

(keep in mind that i am discussing early story yukilisa which would be the same state as our current mygo line)

first of all on an individual level. soyo/lisa and sakiko/yukina have common themes/motivation.

soyo/lisa paralleles : seen as "motherly" (and in both cases its a behavior they both show when they Aren't Feeling Normal), scared to be left behind, needs to feel needed by other ppl to feel self worth, attachment to the past, dont want to overstep and is seen as the mediator

then visually. both having brown hair. if lisa didnt tie her hair it would Extremely ressemble soyos hair and vice versa. both key colors being warm colors (lisa/red and soyo/yellow)

sakiko/yukina paralleles : motivated by the downfall of father, willing to use others to gain back something that was lost, don't want any emotional attachment and yet are Extremely emotionally attached and motivated, musical genius in their own way

and once again visually. both got yellow eyes. if sakiko let down her hair she would look like yukina and someone actually DREW THAT, both having cold key colors (yukina/purple and sakiko/blue)

then when it comes to the relationship aspect. i often talk about how yukilisa managed to get thru their bad years because neither of them actually wanted to let go of the other. i often visualize it as threads to be cut. which neither yukina or lisa did. whereas for sakiko and soyo. sakiko was the one taking that step.

sakiko genuinely do not want soyo around anymore because she doesnt want her to get involved in her eventual mess and draws a big line to not cross for soyo. something that yukina never had the heart to do. she mentions how her caring for lisa feels like an obstacle to her goals. which is the same for sakiko who actually acted on it. it also makes you wonder. would lisa have stuck like soyo if yukina Did draw that line. to me the answer is yes because she feels a duty to have yukina smile again. and would have pushed for it the same way soyo is.

in a heartbreaking way, to me, sakiko wishes that soyo would want the same especially after treating her so coldly. which circles back to yukina Also wondering why lisa sticks to her when she doesnt act all that friendly to her when lisa keeps reaching out to her.

in the same way that. in episode 4. when sakiko learns that soyo got into another band. you can see that she is Actually affected by it, no matter how much distance she tries to put with the past. which then makes you wonder. how yukina would have reacted if lisa did get into another band. and we factually Know that she is convinced that lisa would have always ended up in roselia. so even back then she would have also been greatly affected if lisa did join another band.

it goes on and on and i am still seeing and connecting new points almost everyday. a lot of those parallels also falls on. what if yukina and/or lisa Acted that way. and somehow i feel like it does fall quite in line with their early character. which is why i also thought of captioning my art as something along the line of "you, that i could have been" to capture how much it is a matter of what if.

conlusion also its So Funnyyy : first yukina/lisa scene (episode of roselia 1)

first sakiko/soyo meeting after disbanding (mygo ep4)

[carmenized-onions]

reading this chapter was truly an emotional journey for me - i wrote a page of notes while reading that are completely incoherent but i will recount here anyway

firstly, of course chip is a pun girly we have known this forever, but every time she makes a joke i laugh out loud like yes you are so funny

my next focus was him forgetting to turn his location off - i hear the black dog by taylor swift playing in the background. i need this girl and this boy to realise that neither of them hate eachother because this cat and mouse game is getting on my nerves (in the best way no offence to you author)

wondering why i wasn’t invited on the richie carmen road trip - mainly because i want to hear their conversations and secondly because it would be the perfect opportunity for a tag team

as soon as i read the bit about the chance that they would interact being low i thought ,,,, ooo this will be disproved by our favourite author extraordinaire and i was right!

random request but can we have a christmas / holiday themed chapter i just want to see all the presents chip gives out i love her

also enjoying the use of kitchen as a verb when talking about richie being bad at kitchen - it’s giving ken’s job being beach in the barbie movie

thankful that you gave us some sydney/chip moments and some richie/sydney/chip moments plus some marcus later as i don’t know if i could have handled this chapter without seeing my babies having a sliver of joy for at least a couple of lines

i could be completely off base with this but was the reference to cherries when chip talks about carmen doing her prep an intentional callback to her favourite ice cream flavour? i could be majorly reading into it but if im right you are a genius and if im not you are still a genius without even knowing it

the knife tattoo being the hand she focuses on is a metaphor a mother figure english teacher should explain to me, but i am too tired to fully comprehend the meaning of this right now

sorry but who puts their wedding cake in an uber, creds to marcus for saving the day my small boy

i can’t even explain the neil fak moment but it is so fucking classic for him to misread a situation SO SEVERELY, i wish this was an actual scene because i need to physically see the facial expressions

and then we get to uncle lee. i had to put my phone down when carmen said his name, genuinely i let out a singular clap. we have never seen chip like this and i don’t know if we ever will again. this interaction consolidated the chip being a sponsor theory for me as it is so clear that she cannot stand the way people talk about drugs and addiction - especially regarding mikey

a callback to the italians loving their unions, you love to see it

i wrote very minimal notes on the carmy chip interaction at the end of the scene as there is really nothing for me to comment on except for how beautifully you wrote it. it is so peaceful but so angry i don’t know how you manage to do this every time. such a great reveal (despite the theories) as it did feel like a suprise to me still!!!

amazing work once again, i am sorry if this is completely incoherent i dont know how else to say this hahha

I DID GET THIS ASK!! I just took ten years to get to it, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE LOVE!! It's all coherent dw let's fuckin LOCK IN!!!

list format let's fucking go

I remember when I first read this (the pun thing) it really had me kicking my feet because it just sounds like-- Like when a girl will laugh at fucking anything someone she has a crush on says. everyone be honest do you have a crush on tony? I'm moving the keep reading down so everyone legally has to answer.

AND THE LIST RESETS BUT IF I SIMPLY JUST PRESS ENTER ITS LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

I'm not a huge taylor girl but I will put it on in the background as I write the rest of this answer lets fuckin goo. These two really needed the under the counter talk we were TIRED

LMAO So many people wanted to come to that road trip-- You all dodged a bullet. Also so did I. because i didn't want to have to figure out how it would've gone. that sounds like so much work and i just wanted to have cute wedding time. sometimes we do time skips because we just want to have cute wedding time and no one admits this

of course it'd be disproved!! and

SHHHHHH you babies always be making requests, I DONT PUT GUNS IN THE FIRST ACT FOR NOTHING YOU KNOW ME!! but SHHHH!!!

he SUCKS at kitchen! Sometimes I use terms as verbs because it seems like how kitchens do things and i want everyone to think i know what it's like to work in service and i'm NOT just googling it and asking my bartending/server/linecook friends how it is. that's definitely NOT what's happening

ive said it a million times, who really cares about this carmen guy in this carmen fic. it's all about literally everyone else.

100% it's a call back! I reference cherries honestly more than i could ever expect. it's the flavour of the series now.

The knife tattoo thing though that was just me and my thing with hands. i have a thing with hands. so canonically tony also has a thing with hands. she just thought he was hot. but also about referencing it twice i did think-- or i guess wrote it-- i just think it's interesting how Carmen put his hand on her mouth and then ran that same hand through his scalp. just think thats interesting. just. thats something huh? or this could mean nothing

YOU'D BE SURPRISED I'VE HEARD HORROR STORIES OF PEOPLE HAVING THEIR CAKES DELIVERED BY UBER THINKING IT'LL BE SAFER THAN GETTING IT THEMSELVES AND THEY EAT SHIT ON THE WAY OVER

I wish so deeply I was a writer or director on the bear and could film this man. MATTY!! MATTY ARE YOU OUT THERE!!? HIRE ME BABY PLEASE?!?!?! I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR IT AND EVERYTHING COME ON!

Putting the phone down I think I've heard is one of the highest honours one can achieve? I've been told. AND A CLAP!? Let's fucking go. I won. I won boys! I can't think of a moment in which we will ever see Chip get this particularly hyphy-- Not to say she won't get mad in the future, but this was a very specific type of mad. genuinely if this wedding wasn't a lovely wedding it would've been so over.

The Union Italians scene was so much longer in the original version in my brain-- But I condensed it upon writing because it didn't really add much. But it was essentially gonna be Tony tired and then while ordering they look at her and go "wait,,, have you taken a break?" :( "no" "WHAT??? KNOW YOUR FUCKING RIGHTS!!!!"

This makes me so happy that I nailed that feeling, I was worried honestly that it was too peaceful? But that peaceful sort of like tempered anger is exactly what I was trying to go for. Like we're trying to problem solve and it's all kind of funny but I am still so mad.

AND ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS I EAT EM FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER LOVE YOU!! I hope you love the next chapter it's a fucking DOOZY that I honestly think is going to throw everyone for a fucking loop. I'm so excited to see immediate reactions as they come through.

[evanescent-art]

Shonen Jump's Homophobia.

I have to get this out. Because it's something that has been genuinely bothering me lately that I can't seem to get out of my mind when it comes to this anime/manga company.

See, as an author I tend to take fictional characters and stories personally. We live a thousand lives through the books/manga/anime's that we read and watch, as they say.

But tell me why Shonen Jump is so homophobic that we get no representation in Shonen manga or anime?

I don't care that it's not supposed to be about romance. At least, not a big *part* of it. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't story lines of romance or crushes that take place. I.E: Goku and Chichi, Vegeta and Bulma, Sanji, etc.

Even if it's horribly developed.

Like. . . Izuku Midoriya and Ochako Uraraka.

Dude. I *hope* they don't get together. Ochako is so horribly underdeveloped that she has absolutely no individual story line outside of the main character. *That's* her biggest line. That she has a crush on the main character. She can never just have a moment to herself in which it has nothing to do with Izuku. And it fuels the flames in me, really. Makes my blood boil.

People wonder why the most popular ships happen to be gay? Because Shonen authors *do not know* how to develop their female characters. They leave them on the sidelines to only come in as a love interest. Hell, at least Vegeta and Bulma had something, at least. But still.

If people want to delude themselves into thinking that Ochako is a good character with a proper story line, they are wrong. They could've covered her struggle with being poor, they could've shown her fighting and having a cool moment to herself without mentioning her crush. We could've seen her genuinely put her crush to the *actual* sidelines, but we dont see any of it. It's always just *her*, struggling with her crush. It's never about money, never about her home life, never anything personal going on with just her.

And that's why I dont like her and feel *glad* that Horikoshi seemed to abandon her "romance" with Izuku. And it needs to stay that way.

This is why If anything, since the authors only seem to focus on relationships between male characters and the development of the male characters, that their ships are the most popular. It's not because of anything weird other than the author's writing and it is a hill I will crawl on my hands and knees to and die on.

Bakugo has a backstory and goals.

Shoto has a backstory and goals.

Hell, even side characters like Shinso has a story line and backstory.

As someone who firmly believes that Izuku and Shoto need to be the series' main couple? I get heated when all the moments that were Shoto's should have been Ochako's, if you want to develop them. I hate seeing her, really. And at least I have a genuine reason for hating this character outside of "It gets in the way of my ship" like these young teenagers seem to say. I will be an adult about it and give *multiple* reasons why she doesn't sit right with me.

1. *She has no individuality. Everything about her revolves around the main character.*

2. *Her personality is dull and boring. Just a typical sweet anime girl that has a crush on the main character. There is nothing special or unique about her.*

3. *Her priorities have shifted drastically. She went from being motivated by making money for her family to doing everything for Izuku.*

4. *No cool fight scenes that don't involve the main character somehow. Even her storyline with Ochako has something to do with Izuku. They want to talk about love. That's all.*

5. *We don't cover her own struggles. She's poor. Let's talk about it. Let's see her struggle with it. Let's see her being offered money by her classmates and her taking it personal. Lets see her savoring the food she gets in her room because she feels its gonna be all she has. Let's see her speaking with her parents and getting emotional because they have to sell something personal to be able to eat... please.*

6. *She lied. She never put her feelings away to do better because she still makes everything about Izuku. An episode after she made her big speech, she was pressing her face against the glass to see what Izuku was doing.*

But lately, Horikoshi seems to have cracked down on giving Ochako her "scenes" with Izuku, which is leaving fans to wonder if they will even happen.

Honestly, I'll be happy if they don't.

And I guarantee that if it weren't for Shonen Jump's blatant homophobia, I bet that couples such as Izuku and Shoto, or Bakugo and Kirishima, or whatever would have a chance.

But you know what everyone's problem is? That they give Shonen Jump a pass because they are from Japan. They excuse it as just "their culture" and "they don't know any better".

That used to be *everyone* back in the day. Back then, in America and the U.K, we used to be the same until majority of us *changed* and called attention to the civil rights issue. There are a *lot* of things that used to be a certain way a long time ago until it was called out and changed for the betterment of the community. LGBT, POC, Religion, everything.

We are free to marry whomever we choose.

Racism has been cracked down on. We can go into every shop now.

We can worship any religion we want now.

Back then, we couldn't *do that*. And those who lived through those times when we couldnt? Changed their ways and are held accountable.

So why shouldn't Japan and Shonen Jump be held accountable?

They are rumored to be the most academically intelligent people on the planet. So they shouldn't be called out for homophobia? They can't understand or learn? I highly doubt that.

Shonen Jump is a whole company that literally fights its manga artists on the content they choose. This includes gay couples.

Perhaps I am speaking because I want just a glimmer of hope that a beautifully developed relationship like Tododeku could be canon someday. Everyone acts as though it is the most impossible hope to have. But really, why is that? When the voice actors themselves has said that Izuku has stolen Shoto's heart "again and again"?

Please.

Horikoshi needs to stop playing games. Such an amazing author but can't seem to write romance intentionally. He created the perfect relationship and development between these two characters and presented the perfect opportunity for a perfect couple.

I'm not calling him homophobic, no. He seems to be extremely inclusive when it comes to My Hero Academia. There are trans characters, lesbian characters, gay characters, black characters, American characters, etc.

But could you imagine if he created the first LGBT protagonist in the Shonen Manga? I could aee the headlines now. And I could see *majority* of his fans coming to his defense and praising him for taking such a huge step in manga/anime history.

And Izuku? He has potential. People act as though it's impossible for him to be bisexual (even bisexual with a female preference exists) just because he gets flustered around girls. . . As if there aren't many reasons why he could be getting flustered.

1. *In his personal space a lot*.

2. *Could be from embarrassment*.

3. *Could be because he sees it as something that makes him cool, and he's used to being the uncool nerd that no girl ever wants to talk to*.

4. *The reason he doesnt get flustered around guys is because in Japan, it is common to see fellow males naked/be more intimate. Classmates take baths together, showers in the same space, etc since they are children while girls are kept separate from boys. So, that is easily debunked*.

5. *He could have a female preference.*

Those "dudebros" that always say "Deku is straight" and then claim that the author has said it? They can't even pull up the evidence to prove it when asked to. Horikoshi has not went over it.

Why?

Shonen Jump, I believe.

I feel something needs to be done about them. I feel attention needs to be called on it and it is rather sad all around.

Horikoshi is rather surprising. So, who knows? And I have my hopes up. Personally, I feel it is too late for Ochako when the series is about to end.

But as a personal question, what do you think would happen *if* tododeku happened to be confirmed? Would it be a negative thing? Would Horikoshi not be supported?

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[macbethz]

1, 10, and 15 for the choose violence ask game :)

THIS IS A LONG ONE SORRY. I guess I had violence in my heart.

1. The character everyone gets wrong

Ok im aware this is like the most predictable answer for me but its true. CLARA!!! People don't get her at all and it absolutely infuriates me, because she's pretty much the only companion in nuwho who is hated to this extent (ie, people saying mean shit about her on my posts ABOUT HER) Oh does she annoy you by having the exact same traits as the doctor? Do you not like her egotistical and controlling behavior? I wonder why. Perhaps there is a point there.

Sidenote - it annoys me when people will call her a mary sue and simultaneously get mad at her being an asshole and yk, having character flaws, as if those terms aren't mutually exclusive & her hyper-competence that gets read as "mary sue" isn't an intentional choice by the narrative and a result of her being DEEPLY unwell in other aspects of her life.

I feel like a lot of people judge her based on the second half of s7 which, to be fair, is awful and I don't think they knew what they were doing with her yet. But in the context of her whole run she is genuinely one of the most evocative characters to come out of doctor who for me, especially in the way she serves as a kind of commentary and subversion of companions as a whole. I genuinely could talk about clara forever but yeah I do feel like a lot of the hate comes from the fact that people Don't Get Her.

And then among fans who do there's always a risk that they see her as this blank slate twee girl to self-project onto which again, to be fair, is how she was written in season 7. But so many things from supposed fans of her as well that I'll read and be like she would not fucking say that. she does not have the emotional awareness to say that. and/or she is not like a uwu quirky shy girl she would fucking speak her mind about that. She is deranged and I love her. I have to shut up abt clara or this will be the whole post.

10. Worst part of fanon

I honestly cant get TOO annoyed with doctor who fanon because i am a comics fan AND a danny phantom fan and its surprisingly common practice for people in both those fandoms to be a "fan" of something they have not consumed the media for in any form, resulting in this horrible mess of fanon with no connection to what makes the original compelling. + doctor who is such a mess of canon anyway basically everything has been canon at some point even if its shit.

But I think in the end the worst part of DW fanon is, like all fanon, the flattening of really compelling characters to fit trope archetypes. I see this especially with tenrose, where they're just turned into this kind of generic ship that you can plug n play into any situation with little connection to the interesting ways they actually behave in canon.

As a kind of interesting reversal, though, fanon will often expand out dw's most generic characters (ie most chibnal companions. sorry), but only for the purposes of shipping and not in ways I myself find particularly interesting. Like imo Yaz is probably the least developed chibnal companion but pretty much the only one I see expanded on in this way because of the shipping potential.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

im probably gonna get slaughtered for this but i think maybe weve had enough crowley in doctor who outfits or 10 meeting crowley fanart. maybe im bitter because i dont really care about the GO show and I feel like it fills up the dw tag to the brim these days

[marrow-minded]

v7/v8 made me dislike ruby a lot but v9 made me really side with her. i've been in her shoes, with having to put on a strong happy face for everyone because their problems always seem to be bigger than mine.

but to see yang walk ahead of blake to shield her from ruby really broke me. like?? do you not know your own sister?? do you genuinely think she'd harm her own teammate??

blake doesn’t need protection, and it’s weird how yang tries to shield her like ruby is about to hurt her. i get bumbleby's whole thing is "we're protecting each other"

but that doesn't mean go and protect blake (who has shown she can hold her own in a verbal argument anyway) against your own sister, yang!

sorry for the rant, i just am in shock that this was written and executed this way with no one thinking of how ruby would feel from this. ruby was somehow more effected by jaune's rant (which, while valid, doesn't change the fact that jaune basically held a whole town hostage for 10-20 years) than by yang shielding blake.

as a certified Older Sibling that actually had to raise their siblings, its so wild to me how the writers seem to not want them to be sisters during this volume

:readmore:

like. from rubys seeming confusion at weiss saying "about time" to yang and blake flirting-- bc ruby is the team leader, she should be aware of the interpersonal development of her teammates, and also thats her SISTER ur telling me ruby wouldnt be a lil shit about her sisters crush on blake?-- to the more obvious, egregious issues that yang displays the entire volume about ruby and her mental health, its increasingly obvious to me that the writers of rwby struggle with writing their characters to have multiple different dynamics and relationships with multiple people, either from a lack of skill or an inability to diversify their characters emotional states

thats the problem with a) having all four main girls personalities mimic and mirror each other. there very little between their dialogue (until v9) that distinguishes them from each other; the words blake says could have been spoken by yang, whose lines could have been weiss', whose lines could have been rubys, whose lines could have been blakes, etc etc. until we get to v9 where suddenly blake is this flirty happy "bridge between humans and faunus" who can make plans when rubys unable to, who is more than happy to lead them through a fairytale without a care for the real world. and yang is back to being her quick to violence jokester, who seemingly never learned a lesson about starting fights and relying on her semblance. weiss is literally a joke, her character swinging rapidly between sadness for her fallen kingdom and physical comedic relief thats kinda... odd. and ruby... well. we know what rubys like in v9. but the point of all this is Suddenly all four girls are acting Very Different, not just between themselves but between their previous selves. it makes me wonder if these new personalities (sans depressed ruby who just had to be told her mother loved her and she kinda got over it all) going forward-- but this all means that yang and blakes relationship HAS to take priority for both characters at the loss of their other dynamics. we got half a second of blake and weiss actually talking and working together (which they failed, btw, somehow weiss and blake, the two smart ones, couldnt figure it out) where we get them shyly saying "im glad youre here" as if theyre barely friends, we dont get to see either of them actually find each other or ruby and the reunion-- but blake gets to glomp yang and cling to her and cry and have yang comfort her and hold her tight; weiss and ruby, who are also partners dont get that. RUBY AND YANG WHO ARE SISTERS DONT GET THAT.

which leads me into b) why are the teams even done the way they are. why is there an assigned team leader. isnt the whole point and culture of remnant that everyone is unique, every one has something special they can bring to a team? shouldnt a team of four be on equal footing with each other, where if there is a team leader its due to a vote by the members OF SAID TEAM? not some literal stranger after seeing one (1) fight based off the relics they picked on the first day of school?

idk thats more of just a flaw on rwbys worldbuilding and how frankly its kinda Silly to give ruby this angst about being team leader when A) multiple characters throughout the show have shown not to he happy and cheerful all the time and have never been punished for it, and those characters have only been met with love and support; where is this idea coming from where ruby thinks she cant be upset? she was literally upset a day ago when finding out about the hound and yang actively comforted her. nora was met with love and support with HER suicide attempt, was that why ruby veered to this extreme? idk and B) she spent more time as a member of RNJR and then as a conglomeration of two teams + two adults, and then they were huntsmen in atlas, where we didnt see team RWBY actually be a team at all.

anyways im spiraling off into other issues with the writing bc every bad writing choice in rwby spawns from fifteen others scattered throughout the show lol

as for ruby being more affected by jaunes outburst than yang defending ruby... well if i was ruby, id also be used to yang prioritizing blake and herself over me this point; both of them are basically strangers to me with all the shit they went through and all the shit i went through when we werent in each others lives and neither of them seem to be able to function without each other-- given that yang spent the whole time blowing up at ren and worrying about blake, and blake was unable to kill a single grimm without begging for help from ruby-- and jaune has been rubys best friend since the first day of beacon, and they have genuinely spent more time being partners and working together than ruby has had with any of her teammates. and regardless of what we, the audience, feel about his rant, to RUBY hes right; it IS all about her. the weight of the world is on her shoulders and she thinks shes fucking everything up and jaune just validated those feelings of failure, albeit unintentionally, given his own debilitated mental state

(i dont think i precisely agree the the paper pleasers were hostage but to be fair i think the whole paper pleaser thing was stupid in general bc when they ascend... they just have the same purpose? theyre just made of like gemstones instead of folded paper which isnt much of an improvement in the destructability scale tbh lol i see the paper pleasers as more metaphorical in a meta sense but then again i watched all of v9 blitzed out of my gourd so im not an expert and also everyone is entitled to their own interpretations lol)

sorry for just sort of going off and away from the main point of ur ask which was about the warped dynamic of yang and ruby; like i said, ever issue spirals back and around to twelve other problems and v9 is TERRIBLE WITH IT. v9 is just so WEIRD and not in a cool interesting way but in a... filler ooc way. it confuses my brain the way a tangled strand of a fine delicate necklace compels me; it looks interesting and sometimes i make a breakthrough but mostly its just tangled up in a weird knot that only seems to get worse the more i try and unravel it

[notcolleen]

tw for very rambling suicidal ideation behind this, i promise i am safe 👌 (but blunt talk about death and rambles abt cats and mentions of pokémon 👌)

[[MORE]]

but i have not been this actively suicidal for extended amount of time probably ever, yet i say that knowing that i will stay alive indefinitely……..just really really really sad all the time 😌 (so please know that too and allow me to write this out lol)

it’s just a very overwhelming sense of staying alive out of obligation and that’s not exactly what dbt would call a Life Worth Living

but i am obligated to my cat first and foremost (as ridiculous as that might sound to some but i know others will understand lol) and to my family as well, and the guilt of leaving them overwhelms me even though i know logically i wouldn’t be alive to feel it….like i look at phoebe (the cat in question for those who don’t know) and i see a wonderful animal who didn’t sign up to be taken in by a severely depressed human — she deserves unconditional care and love and that is what i agreed to when i adopted her so that is why i am obligated to stay alive as long as she is alive

plus on a more practical level, when my ideation gets to the point of “okay let’s try to find an equally loving home for her ! maybe even someone who has more space and more time and more emotional bandwidth !” im like wow that would be pretty obvious to anyone that knows you that something is wrong lmao and also i get so sad at the thought of not having her in my life……..which contradicts the “i actually want to be dead” ideation and brings on my next unwavering reason to stay around……which is my extreme fear of death and the unknown

like…….that’s terrifying and idk how it’s just basically accepted that we as humans exist and then stop existing? and that’s it? like a hs classmate of mine just passed away less than a week ago and i can’t stop thinking about it, i selfishly can’t stop thinking how unfair it is that i am sitting here, literally abusing my body every minute of the day and not taking care of any part of my self and yet my health is essentially perfect?? yet she was genuinely one of the nicest ppl in this horrible town and breast cancer took her life and if that doesn’t prove that this life has no logic at all idk what does

and it’s terrifying bc i can’t comprehend what happens after bc in my mind there just can’t logically be any after but there also can’t logically be nothing so it’s just….overwhelming blankness

so now i wake up every day and i cry on my walk to work because i have the same compulsive thoughts about dying at the same spots on the same walk bc my brain is dumb and repeats everything

but also keep thinking about how that would affect the kids i work with, who tell me they love me every day and hug me even though they’re not supposed to and tell me i’m they’re favorite teacher when they’re not supposed to but it’s really only because i’m the only one that knows pokémon enough to print out the coloring sheets they want so it’s conditional love but i don’t even care bc it’s real to them and to me

but then i cry more bc i love them too but i still want to die and they would move on quickly but it would still be something in their life that they certainly dont deserve and wouldn’t understand

so i go to work and i pretend to be a good, caring person and it’s exhausting bc i am not, so i get home and it’s like a switch is flipped and i am an entirely different person with no moral compass and no desire to connect with anyone or be around anyone or do anything…..like at this point i have alienated everyone in my life and can’t see myself getting to a place where i can build connections again, my only social interactions rn are work and i get frustrated that i have to make the same small talk with my coworkers every day, i get frustrated that i have to partake in social niceties or that im expected to go to holiday parties and have lunches with these people who don’t actually know me and i don’t actually know them??

i did have thanksgiving with my family tonight and i know i have so much love for them, and i felt safe there for that time……but there was still this underlying emptiness to everything and even conversations with them, the people i am closest with and really the only ones i talk to anymore, felt surface level in a way that frustrates me and i can’t articulate it accurately but it’s exhausting and i am tired

and i was getting more anxious as i was getting ready to leave my parents bc the time alone after being with family is the hardest for me and my dad turned to my sister…..who had just had another fight with her husband….and said “just so you know, you can stay here tonight, you’re always welcome to stay here” and i started crying on my way home because that’s what i needed to hear tonight but he wouldn’t know that bc i can’t vocalize my emotions like a functional adult and go out of my way to make it seem like i’m doing better than i am so that my mom doesn’t worry

i know i need more help in terms of my mental health (also not in denial abt how bad my eating disorder is rn but that’s another issue that i’m not going to write another novel about rn) but idk what that looks like in my life rn and it’s hard when my depression is this bad because i keep coming back to “yeah i need more help but also it’s all pointless anymore lol” so i just go through my days completed detached and telling myself that any way i can cope is okay bc instagram told me 💖✨if all u did was survive today that is okay✨💖 but really it’s just me enabling apathy and destructive behaviors and moving targets of “i’ll do better once xyz”

idk how to end this post other than to say again that i am safe, just obviously not in a good place mentally but very much able to keep myself alive (i’ve been jaded by too many “instagram cares” messages after posting lol) (i know this is tumblr) (still jaded)

[inplodinggofer616]

the big G in the sky knew I'd be much too mighty if I had claws and fangs as a physical motif for my weird obsession with humanity's fancy new-fangled ways to brutally kill each other being very ingrained in my mind as a means to distract myself from my emotions and how it's become a way to express them despite this especially around my friends and of course leaves me wondering about the morality behind an obsession such as this and whether or not this is healthy at all for anyone least of all someone with a history of serious anger problems and a lot of beef with the world at large considering how much I feel as though I have been brainwashed by my parents, teachers and the myth of americana and if this arms obsession is a product of that and maybe that's why I feel like I'm a bad person sometimes but also I don't feel safe doing that because that would be agreeing with my mother who probably thinks that if I don't hold as many of her beliefs and live as close a life to hers as feasible then she won't go to heaven and how I can't complain about anything because she put me in this world and she can take me out which she always said in jest but knowing my anger issues stem from her I worry she could actually be liable to really do that should she find out about this whole shtick and also very frustrated that if she doesn't do that (not attempting murder being much more likely) I will have the perfect opportunity to confront her about things she said and her mother said and her shitass halfassed 'apology(?)' on her behalf but I cant be too mean grandma died very recently and if I press about stuff mumsy dearest herself said she'll just deny it. just be like 'oh I dont remember saying that so everything is better now because your rage is unfounded because your trauma doesnt exist arent you so relieved?' no you fuckass bitch take your own advice that you raised me on and admit to what you did ffs how else do you expect me to forgive you even slightly. oohooh or she'll pull her favorite move, where she mocks my actual genuine emotions because she thinks I'm doing it just to get her to pity me which DEFINITELY HAS NOT RESULTED IN A GREAT DIFFICULTY IN BEING ABLE TO GAUGE MY EMOTIONAL STATE OR EVEN SO MUCH AS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING THROUGH MY OWN GODDAMN HEAD HALF THE FUCKING TIME, BUT IF THAT'S NOT WHAT CAUSED IT OH GOLLY FUCKING GEE HOW IT VEXES ME SO

"hey why don't you like hanging out with us?"

*we're watching a tv show. an older black lady is in the hospital after exuding very serious symptoms and fainting at a farmers market and who I presume is her daughter (I don't watch this show on my own time so idk) is at her bedside and this character is a med student. the emergency room doctor says something about web md to suggest incompetence and petty fretting over nothing when the show had clear scenes and depictions of the aforementioned symptoms of what is later revealed to be a very serious heart condition. the real world problems poc face when it comes to healthcare are explicitly discussed amongst characters in this episode. the need for poc autonomy surrounding their healthcare is also explicitly stated by the daughter of the older black lady with the heart condition (I'm sorry I don't have names here I genuinely cannot remember them at all because I dont really watch this show, the show in question being 9-1-1 I think)*

'no i dont think it was a race thing tho'

*my brothers and I had been discussing the many ways marvel movies had jumped the shark*

'yeah and im also sick of all that woke crap' (she knows I'm bisexual btw just not about being genderfluid yet)

*grandma hadn't died yet (I believe this was in around october(?)) and had gotten talking about book bans and mentioned The 57 Bus, a book about a real agender highschooler who was burnt alive on a public bus for being queer by a guy who was pressured into it*

'oh but they had gay employees and were really nice to them' (at some point my (great?)grandparents owned a country club)

"idk ig I just like screwing around on my phone"

dad's a tesla driver and would prolly lick elon's boots until they were clean enough to double as mirrors and also made me spend more time than is generally considered useful learning vba and microsoft access (not entirely useless skills tbh but not very helpful because who uses either in the year of our lord that will pay me anything worth a fuck in an Economy™ that is so fucked I don't need to elaborate any more on just how fucked it is rn) oh yeah and as is Freedom-Loving American Tradition he spent more of my childhood at work, sometimes in an entirely different country for said job which is why my parents worry about my bond (or lack thereof) with my dad all the time and yet both refuse to acknowledge that having to work in order to be worth being kept alive is what caused this and can you believe that I made the realization about this part specifically because of the phone guy save button Ness/Ninten's dad in the Mother™ Series™? (on a tangentially related note, official english localized Mother 3 when?)

fr when I'm in that house every bone in my body is telling me I shoulda ran when I was like 10 and never looked back and I know people have had worse than this with their parents but this isn't about them and for that I am sorry but I can't speak for them nor do I wish to downplay my problems

[sl33pyperson]

hello. its my favourite thing to do. talk about moon knight and post screenshots while i have an amount of alcohol in me

straight up. i fucking hate the 1985 run. its only 6 volumes and i fucking hate it. disgust. very upset about marlene being the one to suggest the galleries but like, not in a disgust way, in a “oh sweet summer child” way

and THANK GODS IT DIDNT LAST LONG. OHHHFHGHHHH

these were just very cute <3 not pictured: me being emotion about dd stalking foggy bc they arent talking anymore. my poor boy.

how did i never fucking know caps secret identity was a fucking comic artist. who is drawing about himself. what the fuck. im instantly a thousand more times in love with this version of cap. what a fucking nerd.

ok back to what we actually care about. moon knight. THIS COMIC WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!! ANNA NOCENTI WHY DIDNT U WRITE FOR MOON KNIGHT MORE idk like. the ONE WRITER currently to ACKNOWLEDGE BRAIN SHIT. ohh my god marlene is SO BAD IN THIS ONE BUT ITS SO GOOD BC LIKE. YEAH. SHE DOESNT FUCKING GET IT. “or from the devil” u literally say this to the man u think u love? maam??? i am fucking screaming. reconsidering her “i was just [marcs] teddy bear” like, oh god, mk really does rely on her to keep himself grounded to what (at least steven?) believes is the real world. as much as mk pushes u around, u really depended on stevens money and enjoyed urself and was just. ouughhhhhhh.

SCREAMING!,! I SAT THERE ACTUALLY IN FUCKING SHOCK AT THIS PAGE!!! LIKE!! THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF WHAT THE SYSTEM IS GOING THRU, valid fears (especially to steven, who fucking HATES marc, he WANTS to be his own man and his own person away from marc so badly). also like, merging being the “nyrotypical” thought of “getting better”, when like. all systems are different, some work better in tandem with each other and still being seperate (not that these boys r anywhere near that holy fucking shit)

i genuinely love how fucking terrible marlene is in this comic. like. yeah. as much as this “hypnosis” “therapist in training (i think??)” lady thinks shes qualified, shes just so. gods. ur partner is freaking out and dissociating (i dont care if its bc the moons doing weird shit, hes still mentally zonked out) so you JUST FUCKING RUN AND LEAVE AND GET DRUNK?? marlene is so terrible. its so good. this is such a bad relationship for both of them but steven truely fucking relies on her too much at this point. screaming.

THIS WAS SO SWEET AND CUTE LIKE. nature is filled with contradictions, the system is filled with contradictions, but they balance everything out. every bit is necessary and needed. theres no “evil”, no “good”, just. being. and it balances itself out. every part is needed. ough. ouuugghhhh. i want to eat this comic. mwah mwah

ITS WACKO TIME BAEBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YOU WANTED DEEP INTROSPECTIVE LOOKS INTO MK PYSCHE? ITS ONLY SHENANIGANS FROM HERE ON OUT BAEBYYYYY LIKE HOW THEY ALL FUCKING DIED AND KHONSHU WAS LIKE “lol nah ill just tell my boy 5000 years in the future to get ya 🤫”

khonshu is still such a dick. cool panelling

THE PRIESTSS i didnt actually mind them tbh. lil weird but i mean, its comics for ya

RANDOM BULLSHIT GO!!!, he truely just has like. so many stupid gadgets and additions that they feel the need to show off All of them everytime. its kinda cute. i miss his truncheon. i wonder if marc misses it too. OH SHOUT OUT TO ANNASA COMIC FOR LIKE, SAYING MOON KNIGHT WAS A FOURTH PERSONALITY, I DIG THAT

frenchie <3 where the fuck did that bottom bar come from. uh. shout out to mk just spacing out in front of villains. hes also really cute. U DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM THEY GOT RID OF THE 1985 MASK AAHHHHHHH MY LIL SHADOW BLOB IS BACK!!!! YEAH!!,!,!!

how many fucking photos can i add oh my god this isnt stopping. this is cute

[iloveupitch]

(sharing some ventish shit i wrote last month instead of following my lessons)

(haha i hope she doesn't find my account or im doomed)

guys i miss my partner so bad right now you have no fucking idea i hope she's not mad at me for stuff because if she is i might go insane

idk everytime she's kinda off im scared that she's upset because of something i've done or said to her and i dont want her to be upset because of my shitty actions anymore. i overthink a lot and i end up crying and trembling because im a piece of shit. i sure am a piece of shit that's why nobody fucking likes me but her. i want to see her again and tell her how sorry i am and make a decent apology for all the awful things she had to suffer because of me. i want to make her feel like she doesn't have to hide anything from me, but i scared her and she's probably still here with me because of a trauma response and not because she actually wants to be with me. i just want to fix all of this and live as if nothing happened, but i know it won't be possible. actions have consequences and i still have to learn that. i just want to be able to talk to her about anything and anyone without it being one sided and shit and i also want to be understood and listened by her. i want to hold her close and give her all the affection i haven't given her during the whole problematic relationship, i hope she will appreciate it even though i think she's going to forget it right after i do it. she's got lots of other people with her and everyone is kind and includes her everywhere and i don't see why she would still look for me and waste time. i really want to kiss her cheeks and show her that i truly love her. i love almost everything about her (yeah there are always things we don't like about someone but that doesn't mean their personality is based off that thing lol): she can be so genuine when she wants to and she's VERY cringe and corny, but in a positive way. i love how she's so emotional and tries her best to understand people. i wonder what goes through her head everyday and i wish i could shut it off. i love her ways of showing affection to me because they're genuine and corny as fuck and i love corny people. i love her red hair, it's not usual to be in a relationship with a ginger and as much as i joke about me hating gingers i think she is very pretty, even though I can't really look at her face and keep eye contact with her idk why. but still sometimes i literally panic when she does something flirty with me. i don't know tbh, i've got lots of feelings for her bit at the same time im scared of being too much and also being dependant on her, but i hope not. i would only choose her through anyone.

this is so fucking corny i know and im not used to writing this kind of things but i truly love that girl. i really hope i can be her first choice because she's mine, and i wish she could see herself the way i see her everyday.

[ocean-anchored]

Dear future self... Oct 5, 22

I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, scrolling on my phone avoiding writing. I’ve avoided writing for a few weeks, maybe avoiding isn’t the right word but I keep thinking about how I should write and then I dont. My mind just goes blank, yet leading up to it I think of the 100 things I want to say until I sit infront of my screen wondering what on earth to say. I still dont know. The last three weeks I’ve felt more emotional than I have in years, to a point where I’m starting to feel like I can’t control my emotions. So much so that last week I actually considering if I should be going back on anxiety medication to even myself out because I just don’t feel like I’m living in my own life. I’m not even on my period, dont get me wrong man I can be a hormonal mess when the time comes but I’m not and yet last friday I couldn’t keep myself from crying. Sunday I cried talking to my mom and tonight I’ve held back tears and my mind has been r-u-n-n-i-n-g. Maybe it’s just the season. I have so much trauma that goes so damn deep this time of year that maybe my anxiety just goes off the charts leading up to this holiday that I just can’t control myself. This is why I keep leaning towards believing I need to just spend this weekend alone. I just honestly can’t remember the last birthday that I was happy or that something didn’t fuck it up, it’s almost like it actually is cursed. Assuming my dad has probably cursed me 100 times on this day.  Last year started okay, I actually thought that maybe I would have an ok year up until I dropped Grayson flat on his face at 4 months old and they had to spend yet another night in the hospital to make sure he was okay. The year before that my marriage was on rocks and my sister joked about wanting to end her life, it was a lot of forcing happiness that day I remember. The year before I recall only a few of the girl friends last minute planning a breakfast to celebrate which I recall being so awkward because it felt so fake. Travis never made anytime stand out and every birthday before my relationship was absolute shit especially my 18th.  Maybe I really do just have way to high of expectations that people want to celebrate me. I mean yes my family, whatever the fuck is left of it wants to but god love my mom I think she knows how much I hate my birthday that she tries too hard and it just feels forced.  I miss my brother so damn much it’s not even funny. I dont expect a message, as I told my mom if anything Amanda will text me on their behalf sending a very lame, light hearted message about how she hopes I have a good day & maybe wishes we were on talking terms but that would be a surprise in itself if she even texts. Honestly I think all I genuinely want for my birthday is for Steven to talk to me, to reconcile our relationship. It absolutely breaks me. He’s been my best friend for my whole life, I recall more good memories of my birthday with him than anyone in my life. He always made a point to spend time with me and make it special somehow, always planned something that he knew would make me happy. That’s literally all I want. I dont want to spend it with anyone, it’s just a constant reminder of how broken my family is and how little I feel important in anyones life because 90% of people over the years aren’t in my life anymore and what for? It’s cute that my mom tells me how great of a friend I am and that anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend but how is it that I’ve been trying so hard to make friends for the last two years and I’m still here today with no girl friends.  Idk. If you ask me on the right day I’ll tell you im happy, because I am for the most part. I’ve come a really long way from a year, two, even four years ago and yah I’m proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve gone through but I know it’s okay to feel sad and sometimes I just need to feel that. I think I’ve been such a positive thinker, not really allowing myself to dwell in anything negative for a majority of this year which is great but can be unrealistic. Although I can say I am in some cases the most happiest I’ve been in a very long time, there’s still things I wish I could change and that I’m not happy about. That’s life. Can’t always have it all. Because sometimes it really is better to expect the worst or not have any expectations, so you don’t get disappointed.  I guess this hasn’t really been much of an update rather than just an emotional jumble mess.  I guess to recap my life where things are at right now so I can look back on this one day.. -I’m living off 17th with my soon to be old boss’ two sons whom are good friends of mine. That actually going a lot better than I thought. I mean I didn’t think it would be bad, I was a bit nervous about living with Dillon and his peer pressure and not being clean but it’s been good so far. Saying that being only 2 months in so maybe ask me in another 5 months haha. -I’m still not divorced yet. That’s fun. That was a fun story to re-live again tonight. He, being Richardt, asked me if it bothers me to talk about it, which it doesnt but i think I realize the more I talk about it A the more I feel like it was in a different lifetime and B that I see so many mistakes and how I sometimes I wish I didn’t have that relationship or get married but I guess it taught me more things than I ever imagined. But it’s frustrating how long the process takes, I really do wish I could have just gotten the divorce done but damn rules and thinking people want to get back together within a year, certainly not the case. Still dealing with Vivint and the continual repercussions of Travis royally fucking me over and ruining my credit. It’s funny that Rich made a comment about telling me that I should sue him. If only I had the resources but it’s taken so much of my brain power that it’s just not worth it, even if it’s hurting me 15 months later.  -Yes I mentioned Richardt, I’m dating someone. Weird. Weird to be called a girlfriend again. I speak pretty highly of him but it’s also quite fresh and once again, trying really hard not to get my expectations too high or my excitement because who knows. He makes multiple comments that he wants to spend forever but there’s times I still struggle because he had been alone for so long that he’s so okay with it and I get that it takes a lot to get back into the swing of things and make room for someone else in your life that takes up so much space but man, tonight I realized how dumb I am. I mean I love our deep talks, we talked a lot about my relationship with Trav and he shared some of his fears about comfort and not getting too comfy in one place because things can change, but I also felt way too vulnerable tonight. Here I’ve been debating the last few weeks how much I should really share about my feelings and how I feel a little too deeply and now I regret saying what I did tonight. Idk, I mean maybe I had a very small expectation or hope that he would have said something back of the similar sort but idk, I guess I’ll just say I’d rather not re-live that moment over again.  -I’m changing careers again. I’ve been in construction and restoration my whole life, yes administration but I’ve been with Danny for nearly 5 years, less 10 months of course. For a long time I thought that I would be there for life or at least for a very very long time. I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work for Ed. Given that I for years and years always wanted to work for him, it’s crazy that the time is here. I remember hoping months back that he would have full time work for me and here I am quitting and starting something totally different, with a lot of responsibility and room for error. It’s terrifying. I’m really scared honestly. I have had so much anxiety lately, more than I’ve had in a couple years but I really am hoping and praying that this is going to change my life for the better and really take me in a completely different direction that I could have never imagined. I was feeling stagnant with Danny. I felt like I hit a ceiling of pay unless I would go to school for something or change positions completely, I felt like there wasn’t really more I could do, take on or achieve. Not to toot my horn but I do two job positions and I have given my heart but it just, it was time. Im excited but I’m scared shitless. I guess well see what my life update is in the future to how I’m doing but I think it’s cool that I can look back on this one day and remember the transition and feelings of how I have no idea what I’m doing but Ed believes in me so let’s giver. -Have I mentioned I’m still not talking to my brother? Yea. Been the longest time I’ve ever gone. I mean on the flip side, meliss and I keep getting closer than I ever imagined we could which is a real blessing. But I miss spending time with my mom. I used to see her 2-3 times a week and now I’m lucky if I even see her once a week. Life gets too busy I really hate it. As much as I’m complaining and sad in a majority of this update, I am very appreciative and blessed to have the people I do in my life. I wont take that for granted. Always remembering how far I’ve come. I can’t remember what it was but as we were walking out the door today and Richardt brought up a topic I laughed and said haha there’s a lot more of where that trauma came from and I think it just reminded me of really how much I’ve gone through at only 28 years old.  Oh my dad’s still not in jail yet so that’s a shame. Maybe one day. He really is a piece of shit.  Anyways, my brain hurts and I feel like I’ve gotten a lot of emotion out tonight even though I didn’t give as much of an update as I would have liked to.  Until next time.

[actualbird]

My fav headcanon is that I think MC stole Luke’s first girlfriend not on purpose and it was kind of his fault. He tries to go on a date with a girl to get over her/deal and spends the entire date telling her the other girl how great MC was that she felt the need to go up to MC the next day and ask her our herself just to see the hype (the hype was real)

ANON, THIS IS THE FUNNIEST HEADCANON IVE EVER READ. i hope you dont mind that i, er, expanded on it. i simply love it so MUCH

wc: 1.3k i cant stop myself from LONG RAMBLING

pls like....16 year old luke who doesnt yet full understand just how DEEP his feelings are for mc. hes like "aaaggghh, this is a bothersome crush!! i dont want it to change mc and i's friendship!!! i need to put a stop to this immediately :((("

and his method of going about this is going on a date with another girl who has been expressing interest in him (he did not KNOW she was expressing interest in him, mc had to watch the girl bashfully flirt at luke and luke was CLUELESS like :D and mc is like "oh my god" and once the girl leaves mc is like "YOURE SUCH A BLOCKHEAD" and luke is like "???? STOP HITTING ME??" and mc has to explain that that girl was asking him out on a date)

this girl, she likes him and she seemed really sweet. and hey, luke's guidance counselor has been ragging on luke for months to make some non-mc friends (he has not a single one, mc is THE BEST, he's her BEST FRIEND, why does he need other friends who ARENT HER???) because his HUGE dependency on her is a bit UHHHHHH.

so, after mc goes and shoos him to give that girl some CLARITY, luke runs after the girl and hes super apologetic. hes like "hi, hey, hello, so im like, really stupid. i didnt realize you were asking me out on a date but now ive realized and it sounds really nice, actually? i'd like to go on a date with you and see if im interested and youre interested in dating? ONLY IF U WANT THO, NO PRESSURE."

the world comes to a standstill because for the first time in the history of ever that luke pearce

fucking noticed reality past his best friend

and the girl says yes and so they go on a date!!! luke is a gentleman, he picks the girl up at her house on saturday, he doesnt have his motorbike yet tho (are 16 year olds allowed to get a learning permit for a motorbike? i fucking hope not, that sounds like a nightmare) so they walk to a nice cafe and then hit up an arcade and then end the day just chilling by the riverside. the girl had a wonderful time, she really did, luke is one of the nicest guys shes ever had the pleasure of meeting but...

yep

like you said

luke spent the whole day

talking about how fuckin GREAT MC IS

and he just has 0 fucking awareness as to why hes doing this. the girl can see that hes doing it not out of malice or some shitty way to make her jealous, luke genuinely is just talking about mc every second because she makes him happy and he wants to share that happiness with others.

so the end convo is like

luke: i had a great time today, thank you again for asking me out. do you...wanna go on another date? :D

girl: this was amazing, luke, but i think it's best if we dont go for another date actually. and that we dont get into a relationship. i'd still love to be your friend though!

luke: oh! oh. huh. i'd love to be your friend too!

girl: yay :D

luke: yay :D......i feel weirdly relieved about not being your boyfriend though, is that weird?......OH GOD, NO OFFENSE THOUGH, YOURE WONDERFUL

girl: ksjfbgkdsjgk none taken, it's fine, omg, but. luke. maybe you should examine your feelings?

luke: my feelings?

girl: for your best friend.

luke: for my best friend?

girl: you may be in love with her

luke: I MAY BE IN LOVE WITH HER????

girl: ......are all boys this stupid?

luke: i hope so, i cant be alone in this, but oh fuck, youre right, im---

luke puts his face into his hands, mumbling apologies and emotional screaming and embarrassed noises and the girl just laughs fondly and pats him on the back. she may not have gotten a boyfriend on this date, but shes gotten a pretty cool (if dumb as rocks, despite being the school's genius) friend. and shes happy she was able to help (?)

but because luke pearce is luke pearce, he obviously wants to make it up to her. and shes like kjsfbgjdkg U DONT HAVE TO, UR SWEET THO, SO GO FOR IT, I GUESS.

so luke goes on a mission to go find this girl an ACTUAL boyfriend or girlfriend. he starts accosting classmates and INTERROGATING THEM hes like "are you interested in her? oh you are? well are you GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER???" and he proceeds to quiz the person on their qualities

the girl is just watching from the sidelines trying to stifle her laughter. is being friends with luke pearce like having an attack dog at the ready?

mc, walking over to stand next to her: being friends with luke pearce is like having an attack dog at the ready

girl: oh my gosh, you read my mind!!! hes really like this?

mc: yep! ever since we were kids! he also told me about what happened on your date. are you okay?

girl: i am, actually. thanks for asking :'). this is better for the both luke and i

mc: thats good...i am curious though, what made you guys realize that you two shouldnt date?

girl, realizing that luke didnt tell mc that the reason was because LUKE IS IN LOVE WITH MC: ah, well. let's just say we fit better as friends

mc: that makes sense. do you wanna come over to our house tonight? youre luke's friend now which means youre my friend now too, hehe!

girl: sure :D

and so the girl, mc, and luke go home together. they have an adorably wholesome time studying together and talking and laughing and mc's parents are internally like "oh thank god, our co-dependent orphan boy and daughter have finally found a friend who isnt each other"

and as theyre hanging out on that night, the girl gets to truly see all those beautiful things that luke had told her, about mc. how mc's smile lights up the room, how her kindness feels like the warmth of a blanket, how her fiery spirit ignites such an overwhelming awe.

luke goes out to get the girls some snacks.

when he comes back, the girl and mc are making out.

everybody screams

and luke is like. WELL. he did have some goals for this whole thing. 1) make a friend, 2) make sure this friend is happy, and 3) put a stop to his "crush" on mc

1) he did make a friend!!! i like to hc that once luke is done with the 8 year disappearance stint, he reconnects with that girl and they start hanging out again because lord, luke needs more women friends. being around men all the time is going to make him stupider. do u think luke spending time with marius is going to make either of them grow braincells? of course not. the braincell decline is monumental.

2) he did get that friend to be happy! score!!! he kindaaaaa had a hand in her getting with mc and because she got with mc, she definitely is happy at that time! her and mc only dated for a few months tho, they both came to the conclusion that they werent ready for a romantic relationship, they both wanted to focus on school, but they still keep in touch up to this day!!!

3) and well. his crush DID end. it stopped being a crush. and became the UNBEARABLE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO HIDE LOVE we see in canon now

so luke was able to check all of that off of his list!! but also he nerfed himself so bad. he basically just like

did this

(later, during canon time, the girl brings up something thats been bothering her for a while.

girl: hey, luke?

luke: yeah?

girl: sorry for kissing your best friend who youre in love with, in high school

luke: JBSJDFKSDJ, NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE. you guys made each other happy and that made me happy!

girl: oh whew, okay. thanks for being cool about it! because i wouldnt have taken it back, HAHA. mc is....a really good kisser

luke, embarrassedly enraptured now: she. she is?

girl: shes fucking incredible

luke: //turns to scream into a nearby pillow)

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

[tesseractrave]

Hey LOOK

That trollhunters movie was sooo bad like smh I was facepalming the whole movie.

Actually the whole series after Trollhunters was unnecessary and just...uhg.

Dont get me wrong, 3below and Wizards wasnt horrible. Just unnecessary.

Trollhunters was the gem. Beautiful story, nice armor(I'm a gal for armor. Why i watched it in the first place). Has three seasons that keep you rooted. And it ended. Ended nicely. Should've ended there...but it didnt.

3below only added another weirdness to Aradia. Served no real purpose but to add aliens. The bad guys played no part in the later seasons. It was just to add more character to the two weirdos that appeared in one or two episodes.

Wizards wasnt as useless. I guess it was a little necessary. Added a backstory to Merlin and Morgana, added a way to make Jim human again, and told the history of trolls themselves. And, again, it added more to character you see a few times in the first series. It wasnt actually that bad. Except for the introduction of the three elementals. Yay.

Which brings us to the movie. The biggest fuckup of them all. I may have missed it with some of the skipping I do, but why does the two elements want the world to end? Why do they want to start over? Why did so many characters have to perish in the most useless of ways. They just kept killing off characters for no other reason but to just...do it??!?! And dont get me started on the ending. Like Tobias could do any better? Like Tobias could prevent the apocalypse that was soon coming and Jim couldn't? Tobias is known for being cocky and flamboyant. Even more so than Jim....

I just dont understand the movie and I gave it a thumbs down for that reason. They tried but I think they may have tried s but too much

THANK you... I cannot stress enough how important Tales of Arcadia was to me.

My life revolves around stories, the art of storytelling is the most important thing in my life. It's why I become so passionate about certain topics and fandoms (that and ADHD). The way stories and situations work with the unique characters and their own branching backgrounds and relationships is so indescribably inspiring to me, especially the fact that it is real people who create all of them. Real people who either singlehandedly or work together to create these beautiful weaves of characters, emotions, relationships, and situations.

For some reason, Tales of Arcadia was my absolute favourite story. It wasn't even the best to me, but it was my highest priority in all the things I was passionate about. It was my saving grace at my low points. It brought so much comfort and joy to me, and despite my brain knowing it wasn't the greatest, my heart held it in such high regard.

I wanted to hate Trollhunters. Before I had known it even existed, my older brother (who I look up to the most) talked to my family about how he watched a few episodes, and he thought it was cringy and childish. I stood beside him as he showed me the first episode for the first time and made fun of it in front of me, all the while I just nodded and laughed at his comments. In my head, I could see where he was coming from, but as the days passed, I found myself wondering more and more about it. There were three seasons of this. What even happens in that time? What happens with the girl he liked, and the trolls, and the teacher?

So I caved. I sat down at my computer and remembered what my dad told me about how you couldn't truly judge a show until you've seen at least three episodes. I became hooked, and my ADHD was singing especially. I loved this. I loved everything about this, good and bad. I could see all the layers in the story and I saw how brilliantly this was created and how the story was told.

So I watched more, and more, and I watched 3Below, and I found myself actively anticipating Wizards to the point where I cried when the trailer came out. I cried incredibly hard, and I found myself saying to my family, "You guys, this is my favourite thing in the world!" I said it even to my brother, who I didn't care in the slightest about disappointing in this regard. When it came out, my mother sat down with me and watched it, saying that she knew how important it was to me, and she wanted to be a part of that and understand it so she could make me happier. My family's thing was Star Wars, I was raised on it, and I found myself holding it emotionally closer than even that. It was that unimaginably important to me. I had no way to truly explain why, other than the fact that I was just in absolute awe of the way these stories were told and connected and visualized. I was especially excited for the movie, and I cried when the trailer dropped for it, too. I even made my family watch it with me...

And then it came out. I had invited all of my friends and my boyfriend to come over and watch it with me, and I had bought snacks and sodas. I was giddy enough to sit outside and wait for them to arrive, and when they did, I turned off all the lights, and we all sat down and watched it together, piled onto my couch and giggling as I pressed play.

It was just... one thing after another. It felt like it was slipping through my fingers like sand. I was desperately emotionally grabbing at it and my little ADHD brain was screaming at the screen. All of the destruction of the characters' development, the deaths, and finally... the undoing of all of it. The whole story and franchise I had come to know and love was destroyed before my eyes in just 1 hour and 46 minutes. My friends and I were all blubbering messes from Toby's death and as the credits rolled, and I remember running to my mother in her office and crying into her shoulder for an unimaginably long time before all of my friends came in and hugged me. I was truly heartbroken, and it took me probably much too long to finally come out of the daze of shock I was in from that.

Rise of Titans literally and figuratively undid everything I held dear to my heart about this series. It genuinely hurts my little storyteller heart to even look at any content for Tales of Arcadia anymore. All the mistakes that were made, and all the missed opportunities, I could go on and on. It genuinely hurt me through one of my most vulnerable spots and my emotional connection to it.

I've just been trying to give it time, I guess... maybe I'll find a way to close my eyes and pretend Wizards was the end of Tales of Arcadia instead, or maybe I'll set it down in the dust and leave it as it is like a broken memory of something I used to love. All I know... is that I truly, utterly despise Rise of Titans.

[heavenaintaniceplace]

so i found my mother’s copy of the jw (new world translation) bible and i decided to yoink that shit for disposal but not before i realized there is a lot of lines highlighted in the book from when she was being manipulated by the jw lady that convinced her to do “bible study” for years. and what do you know if the lines the lady had my mother highlight weren’t the same lines that jws use to justify their cult beliefs! all the lines are cherry picked, no actual study, just the lady manipulating and priming her to accept their beliefs by presenting so called “biblical proof.” so here is some of the things that stand out before i finally rip this thing to shreds and through it away.

literally the whole book replaces every instance of the tetagrammaton with “jehovah” because they want people to believe its been “removed from the bible thousands of times because they don’t want you to know the true name of god”. the whole thing is translated with an agenda to make them look right and everyone else wrong and to make people believe they have some secret hidden knowledge (they don’t they’re liars). putting this under a read more because its very long.

heavy TW for everything related ro religious trauma, the jehovah’s witnesses, bible passages and christianity. incredibly long post. i plan on burning the jehovah’s witness copy of the bible, no joke.

the imago dei part of genesis to try and convince her that humans were super special to god

genesis chapter 3, the serpent convincing eve to eat the fruit of knowledge so that she would accept their version of the original sin doctrine and that women are cursed

chapter where cain kills abel to convince her that this was the first murder in human history (obviously incorrect)

highlighted the part where god kills everything on earth with a flood to groom her into expecting god to do it again later and seen as fair and just and part where god “gives” noah every living creature (because fuck other organisms apparently)

part of leviticus where (in their version) theyre like “no soul must eat blood” (what the fuck) to justify not allowing life saving blood transfusions

deuteronomy part about “jehovah being one” to justify being non trinitarian (they don’t believe jesus is god or that the holy spirit is god, this is meant to lure people who are already christians away from their denoms and into theirs)

“thou shall not kill” is highlighted for some reason and i don’t know why

highlighted job 1:12 to emphasize that they believe satan is in control of the world because god allows it and job 26:7 that has a note saying “the earth hangs there” when talking about sheol to convince her of where earth is relative to “heaven” and using a bunch of “face of the waters” creationist language to make it vague as possible. job 27:5 to make her believe that “no one is righteous” and that saying so is sinful

part in psalms that assures that “wicked people will be no more if you just wait a little while longer” (this is the apocalypse imminent narrative they use to groom people with fear of dying or leaving but also to get them warmed up to the idea of mass death). “the righteous will inherit the earth and live forever” narrative so they believe that jws will live on earth forever after being resurrected while everyone else (whos not a jw) is killed by god

psalms 91 to drive home the fact that these people think theyre invincible in every meaning of the word, to natural disasters and disease etc

proverbs 6 part about “false witnesses”. jws believe that three jehovah’s witnesses have to be present to verify that a crime (like domestic or sexual abuse) actually happened or the governing body and elders don’t care. literally. the “false witness” narrative is used against survivors and people they want to silence in their organization and emphasizes how much jehovah hates “false witnesses” aka people brave enough to talk and victims

proverbs 12:18 about “wise and unwise tongues”, basically anyone that speaks out against the jws are “unwise” and harmful

proverbs 22 about raising children (”train up a child”, if you don’t know it already this is a child abuser dog whistle) that implies that indoctrination will last until adulthood if done right. this is especially bad because this copy is from the early 2000s when i was in kindergarten. this woman had been lurking on us since i was an infant.

proverbs 27 about how neighbors near is better than brothers far away. the implication here is that fundamentally family who aren’t jws don’t matter

ecclesiates 5. i genuinely think its warning people to not ask too much of god or risk his anger, thats the vibe im getting here because the wording is confusing as fuck

isiah 40:22 trying to hammer in the notion that god is greater than anything especially “worldly” governments (except the governing body ofc /s). isiah 43:10 the “you are my witnesses” to justify the name “jehovah’s witnesses” and shoehorn the idea in

daniel 2:40, the idea of an indescribable kingdom, the whole kingdoms in the “last days” conspiracy they use to convince people the “last days” are coming

matthew 4:8 where jesus is persuaded by satan by offering every kingdom on earth. the point in text is “don’t worship anyone except god” but the point of the jws is that nothing on earth actually matters

matthew 6:9 (nice), the our father, meant to make the reader to ask god to hasten the kingdom of god or as we ex-jws know hasten the apocalypse and the death of people they dont like

matthew 16:24, meant to convince people to leave everything behind and join the jws, “disown yourself” aka “die to yourself” toxic bullshit repackaged

matthew 19:9, to convince people that divorce even in instances of domestic abuse is wrong because the governing body won’t allow it and loves to control women

matthew 24:4-14, “anyone who doesnt speak for the jws is a false prophet” and warms people up to the notion that war is necessary; also that evidence of war is a sign of the “last days” and that this is supposed to be good news. ongoing war and the hope for global genocide is “good news” to them.

matthew 24:21. this one is meant to make people feel the apocalypse could happen at any time and to be afraid of it, a great war is coming and only the “chosen ones” (jehovah’s witnesses) will survive when everyone else dies. there’s a paper bookmark on this page. makes me wonder.

mark 8:34. the “die to yourself” bullshit, the idea that the cross was a “torture stake” because jws believe that wearing crosses is idolatry and they want other people to believe their quirky beliefs so they accept heavier things

matthew 10:28, “anyone who follows jehovah and jesus will literally live forever!” but also that “no one is prepared to leave their family for jesus and thats shameful because you should want to sacrifice your entire family!”

mark 11:24 “anything you pray for earnestly you get”. this is spiritual bypassing btw. and :25 “ask for forgiveness and be automatically forgiven no matter what you did” is also fucked

matthew 15-23: jesus (almost) gets wasted while being crucified etc, not sure why this one is highlighted unless im missing some jw bullshit here

luke 20:27. don’t understand this one but they’re threatening “heavier judgement” on people

john 5:28, promising resurrection through jesus after people die but only for the Good tm people (the jws)

john 6:15. how jesus is about to be arrested but goes to a mountain. dunno why this on is underlined

john 11:24. bringing home the same “jesus will save you from dying if youre a jw” bullshit. john 14:6 “jesus is the ONLY way ever! there can’t be anything else except jesus” indoctrination tailored to make you co-dependent. john 17:3, hook line and sinker of promising resurrection and “eternal life” again

john 17:15. here is the “we aren’t of the World tm” shit meant to make you feel outcast from everyone else who isnt a jw, setting up “the world” (everyone else) as other

acts 15:25. “follow the jw rules because the holy spirit you to”

romans 10:10, spread jw beliefs and witness as much as possible. romans 12:9 “hate everything jehovah hates so you’re not a hypocrite” basically means hate other people the jws don’t approve of

corinthians 6:9 (nice but not so nice this time) “anyone we don’t like won’t inherit the earth” translation: anyone we don’t like won’t survive the apocalypse thats definitely happening soon so always be afraid. “homosexuals” are changed to “men kept for unnatural purposes for this one.” still homophobic.

corinthians 7:6, the idea that everyone has a gift that needs to be exploited and used by the jws

corinthians 15:33. “don’t participate in any activities with any outsiders because it will lead you away from jehovah!! fun is ‘drunkenness’, you’ll loose your resurrection if you do!! non jw people are bad influences!!”

2 corinthians 7:1. your body and flesh is defiled, you need to be cleansed in order to be good

galatians 5:20. “having human emotions is sinful! struggling is sinful! being angry is sinful! having a bad day is sinful!” basically that being human is inherently wrong or something

ephesians  3:14. tries to make people believe everything is owed to god only and that obedience is good so they fall for cult power structures later. 4:28 here is just the top of the page being labeled “new personality” and thats all we need to know about indoctrination and cult personality vs actual personality. also “let not the sun set with you in a provoked state” being used against people still angry about being wronged and hurt by others and its been used against me a lot of times

ephesians 6:4. make sure the jw fathers provide the most discipline to children, literally uses the phrase “mental regulating of jehovah”. it couldn’t be more cult like at this point.

timothy 5:8 makes people believe that men alone are expected to provide and if they don’t they’re worse than “those without faith”. no pressure though!

timothy 6:19. wants people to neglect everything actually happening in favor of the “real life” (”eternal life”) instead and to constantly prepare for that instead of actually living life. dedicate your whole life to jw activities

titus 2. women need to be subjects to their husbands but also homemakers, live to glorify their husband, chaste and definitely not mentally ill or showing any symptoms. what the fuck is titus i never heard of this shit until today.

hebrews 1:7-14, trying to convince people that angels live to serve god but also has some superseccsionist/replacement theology (antisemitism) vibes going on

james 2:23, wants people to believe that god “putting people to the test” is actually a way to become “jehovah’s friend” and that being put to the test (read: suffering) is actually a good thing because it primes them to accept suffering as their fault later on. james 4:7 “everything evil will vanish if you rebuke it long enough!!”

peter 3:9 the “god’s timing is always right” gospel bs and encourages people not to do things themselves but to wait and also that jehovah will be on time when its time to start another global genocide. how encouraging! peter 3:13, the same “end of world near” scare tactic, “new heavens new earth” promise to eradicate everyone the jws dont like as that is jehvoah’s “promise” to the witnesses

1 john 3:8, their version of the original sin doctrine, the devil is the source of all evil scare tactic etc

short detour: every instance of “servant” is replaced with “slave” in this version. it makes me feel ill.

revelations 7:16, wants people to believe that god will take away all their pain and that they won’t need food or water to survive anymore (bullshit). also the jehovah’s witness 144,000 chosen people bullshit is here too but not highlighted

revelations 12:7-13, a depiction fo michael drop kicking satan and the implication that satan has always been in charge and not god because they want people to believe that. also that the devil will fall to earth and try to eat jws

revalations 14-4: virgins get dibs on heaven and god i guess. i dont know what the fuck is going on. 14:6 an angel yelling fear god from above, probably where the jws get most of their apocalyptic imagery from that they use to scare children into believing they could die at any minute

so now that we finally got to the end of that mess, their version of revalations ends with jesus saying “yes, i am coming quickly” and “may the undeserved kindness of jesus christ be with the holy ones.”

joking aside, everything highlighted in this copy of this book has been used against me and my mother for years and is a huge part of the reason i have religious trauma now. everything she was told or encouraged to highlight aided jehovah’s witness indoctrination and propaganda, her own indoctrination and eventually mine which apparently started even earlier than i thought.