#and she wasn't even overly angry! she was just simply upset that she wasn't told the truth about her girlfriend's past | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ilikepjo24 · 1 year

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Here's a little story time about something that happened in the beginning of September 2022 and I'm still not completely over it cause I'm a spiteful little bitch!

So, I had this online friend that I was talking to for months, I'm pretty sure that some of you know who I'm talking about already by the date that I gave you, but of those of you who don't know, let's call her Emma.

Emma was a good friend of mine, we met through Tumblr and we started talking a lot on discord. She was very nice but also very sensitive and chronically online (although that last part I hadn't realized until after we had stopped talking). She had told me about herself, her life, her family, her trauma, and I had done the same. We were very close and we talked to each other about everything.

We got along pretty well and we only ever disagreed over opinions and ships on Atla. So nothing serious that could main a friendship, right? Wrong. Because as I said, Emma was chronically online and overly sensitive.

One day, like all the others, she posted something about her favourite character, (which wasn't really correct, but I said nothing) and someone disagreed with her, let's call that person Tom. While character x was one of Emma's favourites, Tom didn't like them a lot, and so they pointed out how the flaws of character x actually affect the subject Emma was talking about and Emma did not like it because, well, she's chronically online and a dickrider.

Now, Tom and I had talked before. We weren't as close as we were with Emma, but we had similar views on a lot of things and had interacted with each other's posts a lot of times. Emma did not like that I agreed with someone who disagreed with her, because she thinks she's the main character and she's overly sensitive so she thought that me having a different opinion on something meant that I wasn't a good friend to her?

So she blocked me.

She ghosted me on all social media without even doing as much as saying bye.

I tracked down a common friend we had, let's call that friend Olive, and I asked her if she could talk to Emma for me, because I didn't know what was going on, and since Emma was valuable to me I didn't want to lose our friendship over a reason I didn't even know.

Olive talked to Emma and found out that the reason Emma ghosted me was her conflict with Tom and the fact that in a past tent, I had agreed with Tom on a different subject. I apologized, even tho I hadn't done anything bad, and I decided to give Emma space. Unfortunately, Olive and I drifted apart as well (although she's an awesome person and never and never dud anything wrong).

Soon Emma left Tumblr and Discord and moved to Twitter, where she proceeded to say shit about me and my other friends.

I was obviously was pissed because you don't just use your friend to trauma dumb, then ghost them forever for a stupid reason and then shit talk them behind their back under a different name. That's just bullshit.

Even later, Emma left Twitter and returned to Tumblr, again under a different name, and decided she'd continue doing what she was doing and would simply ignore the existence of her past friends.

I was still upset with her, and I was still hurt by the fact that I never got closure so I decided to ruin it for her because as I said, I'm a spiteful little bitch. I made a second blog and I confronted her. I told her about how much what she did had hurt me and I made sure to mention that she's a trashy person and an even trashier friend.

And she left Tumblr again without even responding 💀

Now, I don't know where Emma is or what she's doing. I also don't care because at least this time I got my closure. I don't have any tender feelings for her anymore, I wouldn't want to talk to her again and I'm not hurt by the memory of her now. However, even tho it doesn't make me sad, I'm still not 100% over it, which is why I'm making this post. I'm still angry at her and if ever saw her. I don't think I'll even be not angry at her. I'm a formal believer of "you can move on without forgiving or forgetting" so I'll probably die upset, which doesn't sound bad tbh.

I don't talk with Olive anymore and my relationship with Tom is the same as it was. I'm glad that my bond with Tom wasn't affected by Emma's bs. He was a better person and blogger than she was either way. I still talk with all the other friends I had back then, and I've made some new ones and every single one of them is better than Emma could ever dream of being.

I actually started talking with one of Emma's "enemies" XD. Emma used to trashtalk that girl 24/7 and was calling her lesbophobic, which made me, a lesbian, want to keep my distance, but after Emma left, I started talking to that girl and realized that she is not, in fact, lesbophobic and she's quite pleasant to talk to.

So if I were to come to a conclusion that would be that sometimes you might interact with shitty people and if you're lucky, at some point they'll walk out of your life and you might be sad when that happens but in the future you're life will be better without them.

Rot in hell Emma 😊

#about me #venting post

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staystraykay · 2 years

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Domino Chapter Three

The domino effect. How one thing happening can cause a chain reaction. How were you supposed to know a call home made by your cousin would be the tipping domino that sets off the next several years of your life?

WARNINGS: This is not a XReader type story. There will be OCs. Rindou X OC, Ran X OC. Mentions of various Bonten things and events that have only happened in the manga. If you haven't read the manga, and don't anything to be spoiled...DO NOT READ THEN!

I had this on my old account, before I was shadow banned. I just simply moved it all over to my new account this new shiny one. There is also all my fannon dumbs and The Story of Us.

MASTER LIST

Nearly ten years ago I left Tokyo and started running from all responsibility. I was eighteen and jaded and mad at the world. Days before I graduated, however, I had gotten into one of the worst fights with Anaiya I'd ever had. This was just days before I left.

She had been out following Mikey and his new gang around that day. She had told me she was going to see Chifuyu at the little pet store he worked at, but when I swung by to check in he had said he hadn't seen her. Neither had Mitsuya or Draken or either Kawata twins. It wasn't until Inui had said he heard Koko had been seen in town a few days before that I had started putting the dots together.

So, I waited for her get home to the small apartment we had been sharing. She muttered a 'hey' as she walked in, acting as though she had some normal ass day.

"I brought some pizza home." She smiled wide, holding the box up and opening the lid to show the cheese and spinach covered pizza. "You wanna grab some sodas and start the new season of-"

"Keep your fucking guilt pizza." I snapped, pushing past her to grab my keys. There were many things I had wanted to say to her, but I didn't think I was in the best mental state to have a rash conversation. I was always the hotheaded one, and the only person I normally refused to jump on was Iya.

She shook her head in confusion and gawked at me. "What the hell is a guilt pizza?"

A small chuckle fell past my lips as I racked a hand shaking hand through my hair. "You know, Iya, I really believed you when you promised me you were done with him. You were done chasing after him like some puppy, you said you were ready to just move on with our lives."

She looked down at the box, guilt written all over her face before she put the box on the table. "How'd you find out?" She asked lowly, keeping her eyes down.

"You think I wouldn't hear something about Kanto Manji being in town? Are you serious?" I gawked. "Mikey's one of the most notorious gang leaders right now. Someone was bound to find out he was in town!" I slammed a hand down on the table, causing her to flinch. I wanted to throw chairs and furniture around I was so pissed.

"Dammit, Anaiya, we were supposed to be leaving in four days. Are you even still going?" I snapped, heatedly yelling the question. I knew the answer. She was staying. I could see it all over her face.

She bit her lip before sheepishly shaking her head no. That made me laugh. She chose Mikey over me-or that's how I saw it then. I was so hurt over it. I had taken care of her our whole lives, and all Mikey had ever done was give her a stupid yellow daisy he found when we were no more than nine or ten. I was had always been there to pick up the pieces and comfort her. He had always been the pieces I was there to pick up.

"So, you're choosing him." I chuckled out in disbelief. My blood had been boiling.

"I am not choosing anyone!" Anaiya finally snapped back, her usually cheery disposition replaced by a tearful angered one. Honestly, if she had any fighting skills, she would have reminded me of Angry when he was overly upset. "Why do I have to go? Traveling and see the world, that's always been your thing, Kira! I never said I wanted to leave!" She flung her hands wide, gesturing to what I was assuming was supposed to be more than the four walls of our apartment. "This is where I want to be. This is my home!"

"Home? Never wanted to leave? Who in the hell are you trying to fool here, Iya? I'm not some fucking idiot. I know exactly why you don't want to go anymore." I seethed, my voice carrying well beyond the walls surrounding us. "You wanna go off and chase after Mikey because for some fucking idiotic reason you think you can 'fix' him. There is no fixing someone who doesn't want to be fucking fixed!"

Fat tears ran down her face, and any other time I would be hell bent on finding who made her cry, but now I was the one causing it and I wasn't going to stop. I had babied her our entire lives, making sure never wanted or needed something, making sure no one or thing hurt her. Except for Mikey. I couldn't save her from him. Never was able to keep her from him or make her see what I saw. She'd just tell me I didn't understand and that she could mend whatever it was that was broken. Except she couldn't, and it only ever left her hurt.

"You can't force me to go." She stubbornly said, her bright blue eyes glaring at me. Bright blue eyes that were tinted a little to red to just be tears.

I clutched my fists at my side. "The hell I can't. Who the hell else is going to take care of you, huh? You barely wake up by yourself!"

"We're not kids anymore, Kira. I don't need you to take care of me!" She snapped back venomously.

A angered and irritated growl bubbled out of me. "Is that so?"

"Yes! I can take care of myself. I'm not leaving with you." She said like a child throwing a fit. And to me, she was a child throwing a fit. She was being a stubborn brat who wanted the toy in the store she couldn't have.

"Anaiya, you're going to London with me." I said sternly.

Her fists turned white and if I hadn't known better I would have thought she was going to hit me. No she did far worse. She uttered the most hateful words I had ever heard at the time. Words that cut me down deeper than any blade ever could.

"Just because you lost Keisuke doesn't mean I have to leave Mikey!"

After they flew out of her mouth I knew she didn't mean them. I could see the regret on her face, but I didn't stay to hear her apologize or explain. I grabbed my keys as she called my name and walked out the door. I didn't want to even look at her.

Instead I went to visit Keisuke. Bringing him his favorite yakisoba as an offering, and his favorite drink along with it. I brought my own sushi and soda to eat as I talked to him. Just like we had when he was alive. Just like I had been doing for the last four years.

"I wish you were here." I muttered out. "Things wouldn't be so messed up right now if you were." I felt the tears begin to bubble up. "God, Kei, can you see him from where you are? Mikey just isn't the same, and I can't make Anaiya see it. You could make both of them shut up and listen if you were here. I can't." I felt some of the tears fall. I had really wished he was there. He always knew what to do. He always had a plan to make Mikey wake up. If he had lived, if he had just decided to live and not stab himself in the gut, none of this would be happening.

"I can't stay here." I croaked lowly. "I can't be here without you. It doesn't feel right. I have to go, but I can't leave her here to Mikey either." I sobbed, covering my eyes with the sleeves of Baji's old jacket. The one I wore everyday since he died. An old white jumper that was so tattered and old, anyone on the street probably would tell me to throw it away.

"So don't." I heard someone say behind me.

Jumping I tensed and looked behind me. Standing there, with a matching sorrowful and misery etched face. He must have come to visit Emma.

"Draken." My voice cracked and I felt the tears get harder to hold back. He held a hand out and I took it, getting up from the ground and allowing him to pull me into a hug.

"Baji wouldn't want you so miserable, and if being here makes you like that, then he would want you to go and live your life." He said softly, petting back my hair as I let tears fall heavily. "And as for Anaiya, you can't protect her from herself. She's the only one who can make decisions like that." He shushed my tears, trying to console me.

"Mikey will get her killed." I cried into his chest, unable to hold it all back anymore.

I found myself back then wishing sometimes Anaiya was more like Takemoi in the sense that he was addicted to gambling or like Haruchiyo and his drug addiction. Those things I could control and keep her away from. Instead she was addicted to a person. A person who did not care about others anymore and was as empty as a black void.

Draken held me for a while, letting me sob more and more into his chest until they finally subsided and I had no more tears to shed. After they had finally stopped he still hugged me to his chest and petted back my hair soothingly. He probably needed it as much as I did. Emma had been taken from him just like Keisuke had been taken from me.

"You should go, Kira. Leave for a while and find something that makes you smile again." He said after a while in a mutter.

I nodded my head before asking, "What about you?"

"I have the mechanic shop. I found something I can cling to. It's time you find that for yourself." He sighed and kissed the top of my head. "Baji would want that for you."

So, that night, after Draken and I went our separate ways, I returned home to find Anaiya sitting on the couch, wet hair, tv on but not paying any attention to it. She looked up at the door once I shut it, jumping from her sitting position. She opened her mouth to apologize but I shook my head.

"You don't get to apologize for that." I said sternly, clenching my fists at my side. I didn't want to do what I was about to, but for what was best for me and what I needed then, I knew I had to. "I'm leaving still in four days. You're not going."

She hugged her arms around herself and looked down to her fuzzy socks. "Can I ask what changed your mind?"

"I can't make decisions for you anymore. And I can't make you see Mikey for what he really is. So, I'm letting you do what you want. I'm not going to stop you, but I'm also not going to stay and watch it happen." I gritted my teeth, the words tasting like vile on my tongue. "I also won't support it or be apart of it either. So, when I leave I don't want you to call, because I don't want to hear about it." I sounded harsh and the words sounded hateful and cruel, but this is what was best for both of us. I couldn't be apart of Mikey's world anymore, and if that included Anaiya then I couldn't be part of hers either.

She nodded her head, silent tears falling from her eyes again.

"I love you, Iya, but if you're choosing him then I have to chose myself." I muttered lowly before I left for my room, and locked myself in.

The next day I had gone and told everyone about my leaving and when. The first was Angry and Smiley. Angry cried of course, upset that I was taking off, and Smiley...well Smiley was kind of a dick about it, but I knew it was because he didn't want me to go either. After then were Pah and Peh who both cried like the massive babies they were. Hakkai made me promise to keep in touch and even went as far as to swear to come see me if we were ever in the same place at the same time. Mitsuya tears up and made me swear to all Hakkai had, but then he told me he understood and wished me the best. Takemichi cried...because he was out crybaby hero of course. Draken had known and gave me a hug and wished me luck and told me it wasn't going to be goodbye so he wasn't going to say it.

Chifuyu was my second to last stop and he wasn't thrilled about my presence in general.

"What do you want?" He groaned as we stood outside the pet shop we worked in.

Glaring at the concrete I bit back the insults urging to fly out. "I just wanted to tell you I'll be leaving in a few days. So, I wanted to ask you to take care of Keisuke's grave for me. And before you get all snippy and say you would have anyways, I'm trying to be civil here. You're probably the only person I trust him to."

I could tell on his face he was fighting back the same urges I was. But with a soured look on his face he nodded. I wanted to vomit just being civil with Fuyu, but he had been close to Kei and if I trusted his grave sit to anyone it would have been him.

"Have you talked to Kazutora yet?" He snipped.

Clinching my fists I nodded. "I'm headed up there to see him now, he's known for a while. And once he's out, he'll be coming with me for a while." I admitted. I saw no point in hiding my plans from Chifuyu. Even if it was something he didn't agree with.

Which he didn't.

"No he isn't. He'll be coming with me once he gets out. It's what's best for him." He snapped, his civility at its limit.

Rolling my eyes I took a deep breath. "Staying here and being sent right back into the same streets once he gets out is what's best for him? Sure, whatever you say, Fuyu." I was dripping with sarcasm. "However, Tora and I have already discussed it, and it's what he wants. So, you can kiss my ass for all I care."

"You can't even take care of Anaiya, how do you expect to take care of Kazutora?" He seethed, snapping back venomously.

My limit snapped. I yanked Chifuyu forward by his collar and plunged my fist full force into his mouth. I connected to his jaw two more times before tossing him back onto his ass. I would have kicked him if we weren't in broad daylight and it had already seemed like I randomly assaulted him.

Heaving in anger, breath heavy, I viciously spat, "Don't forget, Chifuyu, last time I left someone in your care I came back to them dead."

He groaned either from pain or anger, but I didn't stick around to see. I left, pissed and hand stinging from the contact. I headed straight for the juvenile facility, washing my hand with a water bottle outside to get rid of the blood dried on my knuckles.

When I saw Kazutora he smiled at me brightly.

"Three days 'til London!" He said excitedly. "I'm happy you're going, but we have to go back once I'm out."

Smiling I nodded. "Duh. There, Florida, and Ireland are the big three right?"

Tora and I talked until a guard came in and told me it was time for me to leave. Wishing me the best he gave me a smile and told me he'd be seeing me in no time. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry silently the whole way back to the apartment. The thought of leaving Tora, Draken, Mitsuya, and all the other TOMAN members made my heart heavier than I'd like to admit.

Graduation came and went, Anaiya and I hardly saying much of anything to one another and then the day of my leaving came. Draken offered to drive me to the airport, but I had one more stop to make before I left. And that was to Kokonoi and Haruchiyo who I threatened to beat to death if they ever allowed anything to happen to Anaiya. I even went farther to make Kokonoi promise to give me monthly updates via the phone-which he honored and held up for ten long years.

Once I was ready and entering the airport I heard someone calling out my name.

Anaiya with Draken a little ways back by his bike.

She rushed towards me and flung her arms around my neck. Squeezing me tight, I hugged back. "You can still come with me." I offered.

"I can't." She shook her head and squeezed tighter. "You can always come back home. No matter when or why, you can come back." She muttered into my hair.

"And you can always join me whenever." I promised and hugged her tighter. "But I was serious, Iya. Don't call unless it's an emergency. Whatever it is, I'll come home right away." I made her promise.

And that was the last time I saw or heard from her for nearly ten years.

“It was time you stopped running.”

I winced. I wasn't ready to hear that. Not yet anyways.

"I let you go, but I always planned to make you come back." Anaiya added, now looking at me as I looked down at the balcony floor. "It was time you came home. Just like it was time I moved on."

I took a deep breath and nodded. She was right. I had admitted it aloud to Inui and Draken. It just felt different coming from Anaiya. I was always the one taking care of her and telling her when enough was enough. And now the tables were turned and I was the one still acting out and burying my head in the sand.

"Well, I'm home now." I sighed. "And I think its for good." I finally said.

I felt her beam with joy in that second. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's time I came home and started facing reality." I looked up and at her. "I just got to find a job and a place to live now. Can't crash on Inui and Draken forever."

She wrapped her arms around me tightly and squealed. "You can stay with me! The Haitani penthouse in large enough for a whole gang to stay in!"

Grimacing I looked inside to the bruised Rindou and Ran who had a goose egg knot forming on his forehead. "Uh...Iya...I don't think they'll like that idea."

She frowned and pulled me back enough to hold me by my arms and shake me. "Why? If I want you there then you'll be there!"

Smirking with a giggle I said, "Still a spoiled brat, huh?"

"I am not!" She pouted.

Laughing at her puffed up cheeks and furrowed brows for a minute, I took in the reality I had just promised myself to. "Seriously, Anaiya, I just beat the hell out of both Haitani brothers. I really don't think either want me living in their house."

"My penthouse is open to you no matter what they think." She rolled her eyes and then poked her head in from the sliding glass door. "Ran, Rin, come here please!" She singed out and both purple headed boys strutted to the balcony.

"Iya, seriously, I have somewhere to stay right now." I pleaded with her. But when Anaiya got an idea in her head there was no talking her out of it.

She turned to them with her chin held high and confidence pouring out of ever pore as she stated, "Kira is going to move in with us."

I felt like I could jump off the building right then and there.

"Ok, Princess, whatever you want." Ran smiled calmly.

"Like hell she is!" Rindou snapped, eyes ablaze.

Smirking I looked at him. "You mad about it, Magic Marker?"

"Magic Marker?" He questioned in confused irritation.

Chuckling I said, "Yeah like the Magic Erase Markers. You look like a kid colored your hair with one." Anaiya suppressed a laugh while Ran cackled aloud.

Raising a brow I looked to him. "Why are you laughing? You look like a giant colored pencil, lanky legs." That made Rindou cackle.

"She can't stay with us." Ran said flatly, obviously insulted.

Smirking I mocked his tears as Anaiya stood in front of me with her arms crossed. "Yes she is." She argued, that pouty look on her face again.

They stared at each other for a minute before the older Haitani caved and sighed an "ok". Anaiya cheered and hugged me tightly again.

Suddenly I didn't find it funny anymore.

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chriswhitewolf · 4 years

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Okay, so.

A while back I was text ranting to a friend about the stupid crap my parents were doing that week, and my friend kinda just mentioned that it wasn't just jerky but could actually qualify as emotional abuse. For a second I was like "No they're doing their best for me, they just get it wrong sometimes".

And then I actually started thinking on it, cause y'know that's the kinda thing that warrants thought. And the more I thought about it the more I started to agree with her, which worried me cause the reaction of "No it's not" was just automatic and thoughtless.

I read once that the first thing you think is what you've been trained to think, and the following thoughts are your actual opinions. It was talking about like societal standards and judgement but it makes sense to me still here.

Like when I was younger, a few years back, I ran away (wasn't the first time tbh). It was late at night in the very early spring and I walked out of the house in jeans, a t-shirt, and flats. No jacket, no phone, I wandered around my friends neighborhood to try and find her house since I'd only ever been driven there by my dad and didn't really know the way. Anyway, long story short her dad found out I'd run away and called the cops (no one had my mom's number and I wouldn't tell) and they came up and actually asked "Have they ever abused you?"

My response had been "Not physcially." The officers nodded and said "hang tight" and waited for my mom to come pick me up. Nothing was ever said about it, to myself or my mom. They sent me home with her, and I felt absolutely betrayed.

And I started to see things I hadn't wanted to think about before then. Like, when I told my parents that I was terrified of them (I'd spent several of my childhood years suffering reoccurring nightmares of them murdering me and have trauma from it), they responded with "I'm sorry your mind has made you think we're bad."

My dad actually made a verbal threat to kill us in anger over our screwing around together instead of cleaning the living room (I was only about seven or eight). He doesn't remember it happening, and they've excused it under "we say things when we're angry that we don't mean."

My eight/nine year old brother came to my room to comfort me while I sobbed into my pillow for hours over it (after cleaning of course).

And they do that. Everytime I say something about their actions making me scared, or hurt, or me feeling like they're bad or whatever, they say the same basic thing. "We're sorry your brain is twisting things to make us seem like the bad guys."

I'm scared to go make dinner when it's five thirty and I'm suffering hunger pains, because my parents aren't hungry yet so they haven't made dinner, but they'll get upset if I'm making my own food because they had a plan for dinner (even though they make food with primarily things I hate that make me feel sick). So despite my hunger pains at 5:30, I'll wait till 7 when everyone's almost done eating before going and making my own food.

I'm anxious every time I step out of my room, cause that means I might run into my parents, where they're likely to say stuff about me. I absolutely loathe clothes shopping with my mom, cause her style and mine are opposite, but she degrades me for the clothes I think are cute.

I spend the trips standing at her elbow and softly agreeing to her choices as long as it's not something I completely hate. If I wouldn't want to kill myself if wearing it in public, then I'll quietly agree that "yeah that's okay", regardless of my dislike.

My dad has told me, to my face, that I'm dumber than my nine year old, retention challenged niece (WHO I TUTOR), simply because I don't force myself to eat foods that make me nauseous or burn my tongue or throat. I'm picky, so I'm retarded. My mom laughed from a few feet away. I hid in my room and cried for half an hour.

My mom forced me to try on a dress I'd adamantly told her I absolutely hated. When I stepped out of the changing room to show her, she told me I looked "Like a doll". I spent the rest of the shopping trip biting my tongue to keep the tears away. I had a sore throat the rest of that day.

And still when I try and even think of attaching the word "abuse" to this treatment, to this complete anxiety and fear and the endless hours spent crying into my pillow to muffle the sobs until I pass out from fatigue, my mind recoils and automatically goes

"It's not abuse."

"Mom is a social worker. She spent seven years as an abuse investigator for children."

"She's doing her best, you can't ask her to bend over backwards just cause you're overly sensitive."

I've always thought that everyone relates to the song "Let You Down" by NF. Everyone hears that song and has a seemingly endless series of memories that perfectly match the lyrics. I thought it was normal to be afraid of upsetting your parents because they would say things that tore your self esteem to shreds.

I don't know what to think anymore. My mind is so adamant that This Is In No Way Abusive, but I also know that this isn't normal.

It's not normal to be unsurprised when your parents promise to stop saying hurtful things each day is broken three days in.

It's not normal to be 19 and feel it necessary to inform your parents of every plan you have of leaving the house to see friends, and give them an estimated time you'll return home.

I don't know what I'd say if someone else told me these same things. I don't know if I'd call it abuse, because I can't imagine it being different for me. I can't separate myself from the auto response of "It's fine" in order to examine the situation without desensitization.

But I know it's not normal.

What is it, though?

#Spotify

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