#and so i tell myself that it wont matter in the end and what i need to do is focus on my grades and i’ll get a scholarship and career and

[yuridovewing]

As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).

Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).

Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)

dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)

i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick

(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)

[fyodorkitkat]

Going into 2024 with a respect for what I've lost but hope for roads ahead 🙏💜

[blurglesmurfklaine]

sometimes I wanna be mean I want to be a jerk I wanna be such a fucking ASSHOLE bc I want people to know how it hurts when they treat me badly but like I can’t even make a fucking phone call how am I supposed to stand up for myself?

[wazzuppy]

i feel like ive just made things worse again

[castielsprostate]

. Do You ever, feel, like? You're just not worth it? Like everything you do doesn't matter? Because it doesn't. Nothing matters. Nothing is of importance. And having one of those days where you know that's true and you try and put something out there only for it to not go anywhere, for it to not be seen, for your feelings of inadequacy and insecurity only to grow and fester in the back of your mind, fucking sucks

[anaalnathrakhs]

i WILL show up to the trial day for the preparatory class tomorrow no matter how much i dont want to and after that i guarantee NOTHING

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

[fairuzfan]

I have concern that I may still be technically zionist despite claiming to be pro-palestine. This is because I knew very little about Palestine when October 7th happened, so in the time since I have been reluctant to have a stance on a two-state or one-Palestinian-state solution. I know now that almost all of Isreal is stolen land and recognize Isreal only exists due to colonialism, it took me a long time to learn that but I know it now. Before I knew that, I knew that regardless of the prior history that in current day Palestine is being subjected to a genocide. However, I struggle with politics and therefore struggle with understanding how a one-Palestinian-state could be achieved and have concern about what would happen to any genuinely innocent people who live in Isreal. To be clear, Isreal as a whole is guilty and I just have concern about what will happen to the portion of people in Isreal who are just as horrified as the rest of the world at what their government is doing. I do not personally know any Palestinians, so I have not known who to talk to about this especially since I do not want to overstep in any way. Theres more context I could provide but I wont because this is roughly the gist of where I am currently at when it comes to my concerns about whether or not I am still zionist. Do you have any reccomendations as to what I can do about my concerns? I am not sure whether or not I am overstepping right now by asking you this, but I do not know any other Palestians on a personal level that I can go to.

hey thanks for sending this in. i think we all have zionist biases that we have to unlearn, even i catch myself falling for it sometimes. so it's not necessarily a moral failing if you're trying to undo the zionism you've been taught. thanks for trying to undo it!

i do want to correct you a bit thought, in that *all* of israel is stolen land because israel is a settler colonial society. until it is relabeled as "Palestine" it can't not be stolen land.

I guess my advice is that you read scholarship and perspectives on palestinian thought and heritage. i can't tell you what a free palestine will look like but i can tell you what i imagine it to be. but what i can tell you is that the state of israel is fully intent on erasing all traces of palestinian life no matter what.

i guess i can tell you why "two state solutions" don't really work because there is no.... prevention of settlement building in the west bank and they'll never really promote *not* settling in the west bank. like i really cannot imagine a world where there aren't settlers on palestinian land no matter the case. and that's even not allowing palestinians the right of return to their homes and expecting them to give up what they dedicated their lives to. many palestinians in the west bank and gaza are themselves refugees because they were displaced in '48. so no matter what, palestinians will always get the short end of the stick and told to "just deal with it."

plus, why are we concerned with the supposed future danger towards israelis when the current, very real danger towards palestinians exists? shouldn't we prioritize actual events over hypothetical ones? why should we concern ourselves with the future when for palestinians its not a guarantee? i have no idea what's going to happen to gaza, for example.... shouldn't we prioritize that gaza lives on today?

i think i would question why you think israelis are inherently in danger in a one state solution? like do you assume that palestinians will all universally commit violence on all israelis? is it because you believe that hamas wants to kill every single israeli jew no matter what? if so, i think that's where your problem lies — in the assumption that peace can only be achieved through segregation just in a lighter form (because the state of israel relies on segregation as a principal of its existence as a jewish state). what about the palestinians who fear living side by side with the same people who raped, tortured, and murdered them for 75 years, or advocated for their deaths? aren't they inherently in more danger?

i mean palestinians have consistently been painted as the villains for more than 75 years. like in every aspect. i think to really truly be antizionist you need to prioritize palestinian concerns and worries over israeli ones because of how.... unwilling much of the world is to even consider them.

approaching zionism from an idea of an inequality structure is also necessary — rather than assuming its a one off system, we examine it as a perpetuation of multiple types of systems of inequality embedded into one. i recommend the institute for the critical study of zionism (click) for more information on this. There's also this book by Ismail Zayid written in the 80's (click) about the longtime violence the ideology of zionism has done to multiple communities, not just palestinians.

Here's a great reading list by palipunk about different aspects of palestinian thought and culture (click). i suggest looking through them to help decolonize our way of thought.

i might add on to this later if i think of something else to say.

[voidcoretxt]

shaking crying throwing up projectile vomiting i just wish i was in a place in life where i can start streaming or at least doing youtube stuff...

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Nineteen

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking, angst lol word count: 4.9k a/n: y'all i have been trying so hard to make this story good but i hope you wont kill me after this part. don't forget i love y'all :)

pov: layla

The rest of the school day flew by, having gym with Allie made it a little more tolerable and not having Mia lurking over my shoulder was relieving. I ignored the usual whispers and dirty looks, seemingly more frequent than usual and I assumed it was because people knew about Matt and I.

I didn't quite understand what we were yet, we'd only been friends for under 2 weeks and I'd already let him into my life more than anyone I'd ever known. It frustrated me how easily my walls came down around him and how much I let him affect me. I didn't even mean to but I knew I had pushed him away during lunch but part of me was relieved that I was still able to do that, still able to keep my walls up around him whenever I needed to.

As I exited the building, Allie by my side rambling about something I tuned out due to my busy mind, I slipped my cigarettes out of my bag and lit the end of one between my lips. I made sure to blow the smoke away from Allie's face as I slid the pack back into my bag as we made our way to Nate's car.

"I'll be quick," I called to Nate who was leaning against his car, talking to Chris who was leaning against the minivan beside Nate's car. Nate nodded, resuming his conversation with Chris as I tuned back into what Allie was saying.

"So what do you think? Green or white nails?" she asked me and I mentally cursed at myself for not paying attention as we came to a halt a few feet away from Nate's car.

"Why not do green and white?" I suggested, trying to cover up the fact I had zoned out and gone too far into my own head to realise what she was talking about.

"Oh, good point. What about you?" she asked, pulling her cheer uniform down as she shivered, the tights on her legs not seeming to block out the cold as much as she hoped.

"What about me?" I asked, trying to quickly puff down my cigarette so as to not make Nate wait longer than he already had.

"What are you gonna do with your nails? Oh and we also have to figure out hair and makeup," she said matter-of-factly and I let my mouth hang open for a moment.

"I hadn't gotten that far yet," I answered honestly and she nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"No need to worry. I love helping people get dressed up. We can look at some stuff on Pinterest and figure out what you want to go with your dress," she answered confidently and I nodded in response with a small smile. I had been off since lunch and I knew she could tell but I was glad she didn't say anything about it.

I felt something touch my lower back and I jumped, spinning around to see Matt looking down at me with a worried expression, "Can I talk to you?"

"We're gonna go in a second," I answered quickly and he furrowed his eyebrows as I continued to take hits of the cigarette.

"Just for a minute," he asked quietly and I heard Allie shuffled behind me.

"I'll leave you guys to talk," she said quickly before she scurried away towards Nate, Chris and now Nick. I sighed, turning back to look at Matt who had nothing but a confused expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asked and I looked down, avoiding his eyes as I let out a breath.

"Nothing," I answered shortly and he stepped closer to me. I automatically tensed and I could sense his concern radiating off of him.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to," he spoke softly and I felt guilt spread through my body but I didn't let it show as I continued looking at the ground.

"I'm fine, Matthew," I spoke blandly, finishing the rest of my cigarette before throwing it on the damp ground and squishing it with the sole of my shoe, "I gotta go."

"Layls," he tried to catch my attention again but I shook my head, walking towards Nate and Allie silently.

"You guys ready to go?" I asked and they both looked at each other briefly, a concerned look shared between them before they nodded, "Bye guys."

I waved to Chris and Nick as I opened the back door of Nate's car, sliding in without another word as Allie slid in the passenger seat and Nate jumped in the driver's seat.

I kept my focus to the left of the car, feeling Matt staring at me as he got into the driver's seat of his car and Nate waved goodbye to them before he drove out of the parking space.

+++

After spending 2 hours at the mall with Allie, I couldn't find anything that I could afford and I decided I would have to just make my own dress. After grabbing stretchy black fabric and Allie buying me a sweat tea, she decided she wanted me to go to her house.

"If you come over I can help you pick out heals and what you want to do with your makeup and hair!" she suggested as we waltzed down the mall back towards the parking lot where her dad was waiting for her.

"I don't know," I trailed off, my mood still off from my interaction with Matt. I had turned off my phone, not bothering to check it the whole time we were out because I knew Matt would try to message or call me.

"Please. We can drop you home after dinner," she pleaded, her words dragging out as the bags in her arms rustled. I sighed, running a hand through my hair before I nodded.

"Okay," I answered and she clapped her hands happily, fastening her pace as we reached the exit of the building. I trailed behind her until she walked up to a car which I could only assume was her dad's BMW.

"Hey Dad," she called in a sing-song tone as she approached the driver's window which he conveniently had rolled down, "Is it okay if Layla comes over for dinner and we drop her home after?"

"You couldn't have told me earlier?" he asked, his tone frustrated and I kept my distance, feeling like I was intruding on their conversation. I let them talk as their voices quietened before Allie spun around to face me.

"Okay! We're good," she said excitedly as she rounded the car to the passenger side and I followed suit, opening the back door before throwing my bag on the floor and sliding in.

"Hi," I tried to sound as polite as possible as I closed the door behind me.

"Hello," her father's voice sounded rough and tired and I took it as a queue not to talk further since he still sounded irritated. I kept quiet the whole car ride as her dad turned up the music, making it clear he didn't want to talk. Allie didn't say anything, only hummed along to the music as we drove through the busy streets.

Soon enough, we pulled up to a 3 story house that looked as modern as the White House. I jumped out of the car, looking up at the architecture in awe as I closed the door behind me and swung my bag over my shoulder. I didn't notice that Allie and her dad had already made their way to the door until Allie called my name.

She stood by the door, holding it open for me. I quickly jogged up to the wooden door and walked inside as she closed it behind me. I let my mouth hang open as I looked at the front foyer, the black spiral staircase travelling upwards from the white marble floor shone brightly from the chandelier.

"Mom we're home!" Allie called out to her mother, her voice echoing on the tiles as I looked up at the 2 stories above us.

"In the kitchen!" I heard a woman's voice respond, assuming it was her mother's. I looked around in amazement as I followed Allie through the foyer, turning to the right to find a huge open kitchen with a dining area right beside it, the table seating able to fit at least 10 people, "I didn't know you were bringing a friend over."

"Mom, this is Layla. Layla, my mom, Diana," Allie introduced us and I looked at her mother, smiling at her with a small awkward wave.

"Hi Mrs Finley," I plastered a smile on my lips and she gave me a short smile before looking back at Allie who was almost a spitting image of her. They had the same ginger hair, green eyes and short, skinny figures.

"You didn't tell me your friend was coming," she said through her teeth as Allie just shrugged, her mother's passive aggressiveness seemingly unphased her.

"It was last minute," Allie said, jumping up and sitting on top of the marble counter and her mother frowned, turning around from the stove where various pots seemed to be cooking over the gas.

"You need to let me know beforehand, Alison. You know this," she spoke sternly and I stayed in place by the door, not missing the way her mother scanned me head to toe. I pulled the pink sweater further down my arms to hide my tattoos that I knew she would despise.

"She's not staying over. She's just staying for dinner then we'll drop her home," Allie shrugged and her mother sighed heavily, spinning around to face the stove again.

"Al!" I heard another male voice call from the foyer and Allie rolled her eyes, grabbing a handful of grapes from the fruit bowl to her left as she threw a few in her mouth.

"What?" she called, the grapes still in her mouth as she crossed her legs and her mother spun around with a scowl on her face.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth," she mumbled before facing the stove again and I leaned on the wall beside the door, unsure of where to go.

"Where did you put my helmet?" I heard the same male voice enter the room to my right and I looked over to see a guy who couldn't have been more than 2 years older than Allie and I. He turned to look at me, his dirty blonde hair flowing as he did so and he smirked at me, "Who's this?"

"That's Layla. Off limits, Xan," she deadpanned and he snickered as he looked back at her, his green eyes shining in the lights over the kitchen, "I don't know where your helmet is. I haven't touched it."

"Fuck off. I know you moved it," he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and I noticed the myriad of tattoos scattering his tan arms. I scanned his outfit, noticing the fact that he was clad in bike pants and a white shirt, a leather jacket hung over his right arm.

"Language," Diana scolded him and he simply rolled his eyes again, throwing his head back.

"Do you know where my helmet is, Mom?" he asked, his voice slightly more agitated and he glanced over at me, giving me a smirk which I returned with a frown.

"I don't know, honey. Have you asked your father?" she sighed, spinning around to face him before she glanced at me again with a scowl still written across her face.

"He said he doesn't know," the boy next to me answered and Allie groaned.

"Xander, you're a grown man. You can find your own shit," she mumbled and Diana hit her thigh with the back of her hand lightly to scold her again.

"I left it on my bike and now it's not there," he threw his hands out in front of him in defeat and Allie once again rolled her eyes.

"Where do you need to go anyway?" she asked as she popped another grape into her mouth and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees.

"I'm going to Shawn's," he answered shortly and Allie raised her eyebrows before glancing between me and him.

"Great! That means you can drop Layla home on your way," she announced and my eyebrows instantly furrowed, giving her a confused look.

"I didn't agree to that," he quickly shut it down and Allie shrugged her shoulders.

"She doesn't mind, right Layls?" she asked and I glanced between the three of them.

"I can just walk home. It's really not that far," I lied straight through my teeth and Allie frowned, knowing I lived nowhere near her.

"It would take you well over an hour to walk home. I'm not letting you go in the dark," she argued and I shrugged, adjusting my bag that was still on my shoulder.

"It's fine really," I brushed it off and she shook her head, Xander now groaning next to me before he looked at me.

"Where do you live?" he asked, his tone short from the annoyance of his younger sister.

"Uh," I hesitated, feeling uncomfortable in the expensive house with such proper people, "South End."

"You are not driving through South End, Xander," Diana quickly interjected and he looked towards his mother with a frown, "It's far too dangerous."

A moment of silence fell into the room and I glanced between the three of them uncomfortably. Allie patiently waited for her brother's agreeance, Diana waited for his denial and I couldn't help but notice a shift in his features as he smirked and his body became less tense.

"Sure. I'll talk you home," he shrugged as he looked directly at his mother who stared at him disapprovingly, "You ever ridden a motorbike before?"

"Yeah," I answered shortly, feeling the tension in the air as he looked back at me.

"Cool. Good thing I have two helmets," he smirked before waltzing out of the room again and I looked back at Allie with a frown.

"What? Now I don't have to convince my dad and you don't have to walk in the dark. It's a win-win," she shrugged and I sighed, running a hand over my face as she jumped off of the counter, "Come on. I'll show you my room."

I nodded as she picked up her bags from the floor and waltzed out of the kitchen and I followed behind her. She made her way up the stairs and once we reached the second floor, she walked down the long hallway before entering a room on the left. I entered the room, looking around at the white bare walls and the sheer size of the place. Her room alone was the size of my living room and I noticed the grey queen-sized bed in the corner with the saude grey couch sitting in the middle of the right wall.

"Holy shit," I mumbled as I dropped my bag down to the floor, looking at the flatscreen TV on the wall at the end of her bed and the vanity covered in various makeup products scattered across it on the other side of the room, "This is massive."

"Yeah. I tried to fill the space as much as I could," she mumbled as she walked through the giant space, throwing her bags on the elevated mattress. There were two pastel pink bean bags on the floor at the end of her bed with a white throw blanket on top of them. A wooden coffee table was in front of the two-seater couch, littered with different books and a pencil case, the two pink decorative pillows on the couch pulling the aesthetic of the room together.

"This is like the size of my living room and kitchen in one," I let my mouth hang open and she jumped on her bed, pulling the various items out of the shopping bags lazily.

"You should see my parents' room. It's like twice the size," she rolled her eyes dramatically, "I don't know why they bought this house. There are four of us living here and we have three spare rooms. It's insane."

She sounded almost bitter at the fact her parents had spent so much money on the house, the extra rooms being a nuisance to maintain but I didn't even bat an eye since I was too in awe of the amount of space. I looked to the left to see a walk-in closet filled to the brim with clothes and accessories.

"Okay! Let's talk hair and makeup," she announced and I hummed, still looking around her room before I sat on her bed. She began scouring through Pinterest on her phone, saving various photos of hair and makeup for the both of us to get ideas.

+++

"So what do your parents do, Layla?" Diana asked, her tone short as her spoon scraped on the bottom of her bowl of soup. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, Allie sitting on my left with her dad at the end of the table, Diana sitting next to her husband and Xander sitting across from me.

"Uh, my dad is a mechanic," I answered shortly, only half lying. He used to be a mechanic but now he only works on cars of people he's buying drugs off of.

"And your mother?" she asked, her spine straight as she sipped on her white wine and I placed my spoon down in the bowl.

"Um, she's not around," I answered vaguely and her eyebrows furrowed.

"Whereabouts is she?" she asked, her tone condescending and Allie coughed loudly.

"Mom," she mumbled, frowning at her mother and I shifted in my seat once again.

"I'm just asking a question, Alison," she spoke so clearly and precisely that I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes at her poise facade.

"She left when I was little," I answered honestly, my discomfort obvious and Allie turned to me, an apologetic smile on her lips and I gave her the same back.

"What do you do with yourself? Do you work?" her dad spoke up for the first time since we sat down and I shrugged, swallowing loudly.

"I help my dad with his work sometimes," again, it was a half-truth and I could lie straight through my teeth easily around people like this.

"So you don't actually have a job?" he asked, his words slightly patronising.

"She's still in school, dad. Give her a break," Xander rolled his eyes dramatically and his dad frowned at him, his mouth permanently in a straight line.

"Did I ask you a question?" he asked rhetorically and Xander sighed, shaking his head as he continued eating the pumpkin soup.

"Um, no. I don't have a job yet but I'm going to get one once I finish school," I spoke as confidently as I could and he looked back at me.

"You aren't going to college? What job do you intend to get without a degree?" he asked with a frown still plastered on his face and I let my mouth hang open, unsure of my own answer.

"Okay!" Xander interrupted as he placed his spoon back in his bowl, "Are you ready to go?"

"Xander, you haven't even finished your soup," his mother pointed out and he shrugged, pushing away from the table.

"I'm done. Thanks for dinner, Mom," he said quickly and I looked at Allie as if to ask if I could leave. She smiled at me and nodded before turning to her parents.

"May I leave the table to see them out? I'll come back after," she asked, the properness of it making my skin crawl and her mother nodded.

"Thank you for dinner. It was nice meeting you," I offered a polite goodbye, the words sounding as fake as they felt and Diana gave me a tight-lipped smile that didn't reach her eyes. I quickly got up as Xander walked out of the room and I followed behind him as Allie walked behind me. I was glad I brought my bag down to the front door earlier so I didn't have to bother getting it earlier.

"I'm sorry about them," Allie said apologetically as Xander walked out the front door and we followed suit as I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it," I gave her a tight-lipped smile and she sighed, running a hand through her hand.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow?" she asked and I nodded, picking up my bag and throwing it over my shoulder, "I gotta get back before they think I'm gone too long. Let me know if Xan does anything stupid."

"I will," I let out a half-hearted laugh and I walked over to where Xander was leaning on his black, helmet in hand. I observed the bike, gasping when I realised what it was, "You have a Ducati?"

"I'm surprised you know what that is," he stated with his eyebrows raised and I shook my head, walking around the bike as my jaw hung open.

"Are you fucking kidding? I've always wanted a Ducati," I mumbled, my hand running along the shiny black metal and he chuckled, pushing away from the bike as he spun around to hand me the white helmet. I hesitantly took it, sliding my bag over my shoulders so it lay across my chest instead of on just one shoulder.

"Don't worry. I've had a lot of people ride this with me," he smirked cockily as he picked up the black helmet hanging off of the right handlebar.

"I bet," I mumbled, rolling my eyes as I slid the helmet onto my head. I grabbed the strap under my chin but it was difficult to click into place without being able to see.

"Here," he stepped around the bike and I let my hands fall to my sides as I tilted my chin upwards. He clicked it into place before tightening the strap and I let my head fall back down, the visor still being up as I looked up at him through the gap in the helmet. He tapped the top of my helmet before mumbling, "Cute."

"Just get me home without crashing before you try to flirt with me," I grumbled making him chuckle. He grabbed the black helmet sliding it over his head and clicking the strap in, tightening it quickly. He zipped up the pocket in his pants he had his phone in before sliding his gloves on.

"Out of all Al's friends," he said as he swung his leg over the bike and sat down, "You're already my favourite."

"This is gonna be a long ride," I rolled my eyes as I placed my left foot on the peg, swung my right leg over the bike and sat down on the small seat at the back.

"Oh by the way," he said loudly before he reached in the gap in the helmet to seemingly adjust something before his voice rang in my helmet, "I have comms."

"Oh great. Now I can hear you talking out of your ass the whole ride," I said sarcastically and his laugh rang through my ears. I flicked the visor down and he followed suit.

"You ready?" he asked and I hummed before he kicked the stand up. He turned on the bike, soon after and the engine revved to life, "You gotta hold on unless you wanna fly off the back."

"This is insane," I mumbled, leaning forward as I wrapped my arms around his torso and I heard his laugh ring through the helmet once again. I placed my chin on his left shoulder as he kicked it into first gear and we crept out of the driveway.

As we got onto the road, I instantly felt the cold wind pierce my skin through my clothes as it whipped around us and I tightened my arms around him.

"You good?" he asked through the headset and I hummed quickly, looking ahead as we passed multiple buildings quickly. My heart started beating with the rumble of the engine and a smile crept on my face as I thought of an idea.

"Can I lean back?" I asked hesitantly as I looked at the street lights around us.

"Let me turn left up here then you can. It's a straight road after that," he explained and I hummed, gripping tightly onto his leather jacket against his stomach, "Just move with my body as we turn."

"I know," I stated confidently and he let out another chuckle. After a few seconds, he slowed ever so slightly and we leaned into the turn before he straightened up again.

"You can lean back just don't stand up and don't lean back too far or you'll throw it off balance," he instructed me and my stomach filled with butterflies of excitement. I let my hands unravel from around his waist, still holding onto his sides as I leaned away from his back slightly. The wind hit me even more but it made me feel alive, it made me feel real.

My hair flicked behind me from the bottom of the helmet and I carefully let go of his waist. I looked ahead to see only one car ahead of us and it was far enough away that I could comfortably expand my arms out on either side of me.

"This is so fun!" I said excitedly as I leaned closer to him again, my arms being pushed back by the wind slightly. I heard a sound of amusement travel from him and I giggled to myself.

"You wanna go around this car?" he asked and I looked ahead to see we were approaching the car quickly. I let out a sound of approval, "Hold onto me."

I let my arms wrap back around his torso as he sped up slightly and within an instant, we zipped past the car with ease. I turned my head to look around at the buildings we flew past and the cars passing by us on the other side of the road.

"I don't know where to go from here, babe. You're gonna have to give me directions," he spoke loudly into the mic and I hummed, looking straight ahead again.

The next 10 minutes were spent mumbling different directions to him as my hands practically froze from the cold air and my hair tangled under the helmet. Soon enough, we arrived at my street and he slowed the bike when we were a few houses away from mine.

We pulled up to my house before he switched the engine off and put down the kickstand. He held out a gloved hand to help me get off the bike which I gladly accepted, swinging my legs off of the bike before I unclipped the strap and slid the helmet off.

"That was so fun," I smiled happily, certain that my hair was stuck up in all different directions as he slid open the visor to talk to me, "Allie never told me she had a brother by the way."

"She never told me she had such a pretty friend," he replied smoothly and I furrowed my eyebrows, a slightly amused smile on my lips.

"I'll let that slide for now because that was so fun but never do that again," I shook my head, handing him the helmet and he quickly spun around to attach it to the strap on the pillion seat.

"You have a boyfriend or something?" he asked as he turned to face me and I let my mouth hang open for a moment, unsure of how to answer.

"It's complicated," I told him honestly and I could see the smirk from under his helmet as he shook his head.

He looked ahead to where my house was before saying, "Is that your not-boyfriend?"

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked over where his eyesight was and I saw none other than Matt standing there with his arms folded. He had an unsatisfied expression written across his face as he leaned against his car, staring directly at me.

"I'll take that as my queue to leave," Xander said with slight amusement in his voice before revving the engine of the bike back to life and yelling, "Tell Allie I can pick you up whenever you need, pretty girl."

He flicked the visor of his helmet back down before giving me a salute and suddenly, he sped off down the road. My body ran cold at the sound of the nickname coming from his mouth, hating the way it felt compared to when Matt said it. I looked back over to where Matt was glaring at me and I quickly jogged towards him.

"Matt-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Layla," he shook his head, his words sounding like venom directly to my heart and I let my arms drop beside me.

"It's not what it looks like," I tried to explain as he pushed away from the car and let out a bitter laugh.

"Really? That's what you're going with?" he asked, a look of disbelief on his face as he threw his hands out in front of him, "You ignore me all day, don't answer any of my calls or messages so I decide I'm gonna show up to your house to sort this out and I see you get off the bike of some other deadbeat guy!"

"Deadbeat guy? That's Allie's brother," I furrowed my eyebrows and he raised his with a nod of his head.

"Oh cool. So you're just hitting it off with one of my best friend's brothers now?" he asked, anger seeping off of him and it only made me want to yell at him more but I didn't get the chance to, "I did nothing wrong and now you're off with some other guy doing god knows what. You didn't even try to talk to me."

"He was just dropping me home!" I argued and he shook his head, another bitter laugh emitting from his mouth as he swung the driver's door open.

"Don't come to my game tomorrow. I can't fucking believe you right now," he spat out angrily as he jumped in, slamming the door closed behind him.

I rounded the car as I yelled at the glass separating us, "Matt just listen to me!"

He started the car and within an instant, he drove down the street and I watched the taillights disappear in the distance as my shoulders dropped in devastation.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

tags:

@dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @chrizznmetswife @ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219

[radiant-reid]

idk if the first one got sent-

(ok this is one of the worst things to talk ab on international womens day of all days bUT-)

i know that i, a modern day feminist, wants ANY man to know that i can handle myself in any situation like that anon ask but now bc of said ask i need blurbs of husband(or boyfriend or pining, idc)!spencer standing up for or defending reader or else. i wont take no for an answer girlies, so ima need you to drop recs in the comments

-🐝

of course. i'm sorry it's so late <3

Spencer is used to being the odd one out. He's the youngest member of the BAU, and his intellect often sets him apart from his colleagues.

But he has never felt as uncomfortable as he does now, standing in the crowded police precinct, surrounded by men who were openly leering at you.

It had started with a few offhand comments, the kind that was meant to be funny but left a sour taste in Spencer's mouth. Then it had escalated to outright harassment, with some of the officers making suggestive gestures as you walked by.

Spencer had tried to ignore it at first, let you deal with it as you saw most appropriate and focus on the task at hand, but as the comments became more aggressive and personal, he knew he couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Excuse me." He says, stepping in front of you and facing the group of officers. "Can we please focus on the case at hand? We're all here to solve a crime, not to make inappropriate comments about our colleagues." The officers laugh, but Spencer stands his ground. "I'm serious." He says, his voice rising with anger. "This behavior is unacceptable, and it needs to stop."

One of the officers, a burly man with a thick mustache and bad body odor, steps forward. "What's the matter, pretty boy?" He sneers. "Can't handle a little locker room talk?"

Spencer feels a surge of rage. How could these men be so callous, so disrespectful? No matter what room it happens in, it's wrong. He takes a step forward, ready to confront the officer, but before he can say anything, you speak up.

"Excuse me." You say, keeping a calm but firm voice. You've kept quiet out of ease, blowing up at them would only make the whole working relationship tense, and to save people, everyone needs to be working together. "I don't appreciate being talked about like I'm a piece of meat. And I'm sure the families of the victims we're here to help wouldn't appreciate it either."

The room falls silent, and for a moment, Spencer thinks the officers might apologize and back off. But then the mustache man steps forward again, his face twisted in anger.

"Who do you think you are?" He growls. "Coming in here, telling us how to do our jobs?"

"I'm not telling you how to do your job." You say. "I'm asking you to show me respect."

The officer scoffs. "Respect? You want respect? How about you show us a little respect and stop acting like you're better than us?"

Spencer can feel his blood boiling. This man is completely out of line, and he knows he had to do something before the situation gets out of hand.

"Excuse me." He says, his voice steady but forceful. "Y/n is not acting like she's better than anyone. She's simply asking to be treated with basic human decency. That isn't too much to ask."

The officer glares at Spencer, but before he can say anything, the door to the precinct opens, and a man in a suit walks in.

"What's going on here?" He asks, looking around the room.

Spencer recognizes him as the captain of the precinct, and he breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe with a higher-up present, the officers will back off.

But the mustache man isn't done yet. "These feds are coming in here, telling us how to do our jobs, and then they're crying about being disrespected? Give me a break."

The captain raises an eyebrow. "Is that true?" He asked, looking at you. It seems impossible he's even questioning your truthfulness.

Spencer takes a deep breath, ready to defend you until the end. "No, sir." He says. "We're here to work with you, not against you. But we won't tolerate being harassed. Agent L/n hasn't reacted to any of the disgusting comments coming from your officers, but one more and all the sanctions you can imagine will be filed against your officers and you as their supervisor." He's always been respectful of authority, drawn inside the line, but this is an argument he's not going to back down from.

Thankfully, the captain understands the seriousness of what's gone on. You're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he has just had his head in the sand for the last few days. It's not surprising when he's spent most of the time in his office with the blinds drawn. "Outside, all of you. Now." He sounds furious, scowling at them.

You turn to him, nudging his shoulder. "Thanks."

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry you had to listen to that crap, and I hope I didn't overstep by stepping in."

"Not at all." You assure him. "Thank you for it, truly."

[nnnneeev]

sleeping with solomon (headcanons with a dash of scenarios, sfw)

notes: gender-neutral, established relationship, just fluff and kissy stuff. why did i write this? i also want to ask that to myself (jk, i just want to get this out of my brain)

sleeping with solomon is pretty much what you'd expect him to be like

this man works late at night and you have you give your best pouty-face to convince him to join you in bed

once he lays down beside you, he'll ramble about the progress of his research. let him talk

it always starts as a normal couple moment

your head on his chest and one hand on his stomach, his arm wrapped around your shoulder

but then mischief comes when he starts to poke your sides intentionally

ofc you cant let this slide so you start to poke his armpits as revenge

and so the tickle war begins. chasing each other around until both of you pass out

on other occasions, he'll read a book while he plays with your hair. he will join you once he felt that you've fallen asleep

when you wake up, you always find yourself caged around his arms, his leg on top of yours; you're trapped

almost as if he doesn't want to let you go

he wont budge no matter how much you try to wiggle

you have two options. accept your fate and wait until he loosens his grip or wake him up

but waking him up is also difficult. he sleeps like a log

try calling his name? no reaction

how about kissing him? you press your lips on his forehead and wait for his reaction

no..? you kiss him again but this time on his nose. you swear you saw his eyebrow twitch, but you're not so sure so you kiss him again on his cheek

it's now evident that he's trying to pretend to be asleep by the slight curve on his lips. 'this man, i swear to god' you tell yourself

so you finally kiss him on the lips, and when you pulled back he's looking at you lovingly with a stupid grin on his face

"good morning, MC. I was hoping to get more wake up kisses from you but it seems like you saw right through me"

"how long have you been awake?" "hmm probably when I felt your lips on my forehead"

if he wakes up before you, he will stare at your sleeping face and think about how lucky he is to end and start his day with you on his side for a couple of minutes before kissing your head

then he gets up and prepare some coffee or hot chocolate for the both of you

will read his daily newspaper (like the old man he is) while he waits for you to wake up so you could both prepare breakfast together

[webslingingslasher]

oohh i just thought of science guy peter x astrology girlie trouble dynamic 🤓 trouble tries to convince peter that astrology is real and it makes sense, or like she tells him about horoscopes and he argues with her telling her it's nonsense, as a science guy. i can imagine they banter over it once in a while it's just funny.

then one day when trouble tells him abt someone she doesn't like, he surprisingly ends up guessing their sign as a diss and trouble is just ECSTATIC

-🧚🏼‍♀️

‘did you know there’s a thirteenth zodiac?’

‘ophiuchus, right?’

‘oh my god, yes! have you been looking into this? that’s so sexy of you.’

‘i could lie for brownie points, but i wont. no, i haven’t been looking into your fortune cookie books-‘

‘horoscope.’

‘-but i do know the constellation’s. plus i find that one cool, it disappears for a month.’

‘it’s frustrating how you can be so annoying and cute at the same time.’

‘ditto, trouble.’

‘wanna hear todays horoscope?’

‘you’re gonna tell me it no matter what.’

‘okay, for mister handsome leo, today says “you’re born romantic by nature, but today you’re likely to think more in terms of physical passion than idealized romance,” is that true?’

‘if you’re asking if i want to have sex with you, the answer is yes. it’s always yes.’

‘you’re greedy. okay, wait, this is actually kind of good. “the color blue might seem especially appealing right now, but don’t forget to add some red for passion. phone your romantic interest and have fun tonight.”’

‘there’s no fucking way. let me see that.’

‘that’s weird. i don’t like it.’

‘it’s okay, you just have to give in. be spiritual, peter. the universe is begging you.’

‘your delusions are tough but i fight through them for you.’

‘oh my god, you know who’s delusional? fucking jack. you don’t know him but he’s that one guy in the lecture who always has something to say and it’s always some woe is me shit! we could be talking about the german bomb dogs and he’d say it’s not as sad as his blind dog falling into the pool.’

‘let me guess, he’s a cancer?’

‘what did you just say?’

‘his zodiac. he’s a cancer?’

‘why… why would you say that?’

‘because you tell me all the time about how cancer men are the absolute worst humans alive.’

‘because they are! and guess what, nonbeliever? you’re right!’

‘i don’t wanna be right about this one. this will make you think there might be some validity to your claims and i can’t have that happen. no, no.’

‘you were right.’

‘i was making fun of you.’

‘and you happened to be right. because you knew he was a self pitying person and only one sign does that.’

‘wrong. i pity myself for entertaining you with this nonsense.’

‘understandable. i’ll see you later tonight… in your blue and red.’

‘that was a lucky guess!’

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for telling my brother that he has to break up with his gf of 3 years

⛸️✈️ (so i can recognize this ask)

tw for obsessive behavior and slight mention of incest (nothing about actual incest just creepy shit that my brothers gf did itll make more sense if you read it)

it sounds bad i know but hear me out

my brother (28M) has been dating this girl (30F) who we will call Kate for about 3 years but recently i (16X) told him to break up with her.

my brother and i have been very close since i was little and he practically raised me. ive seen him try to find love before but never successfully so when he told me he was dating a girl online i was really happy for him. i had my doubts but i just kept it to myself because he was happy and thats all that really matters to me. they had visited before, and when i met kate she was super nice and i really enjoyed hanging out with her too. and then about a year ago they decided to move in together. however kate didnt want to move away from her family so my brother moved across the country to live with her. at this point she was 29, didnt have her drivers license, lived with her mom and worked at walmart. they had agreed that if my brother moved out there kate would get her license, they would find an apartment, and she would try and get a better job. so my brother moved out there to be with her. back then i had hoped they would break up because i didnt want him to move but again i didnt say anything because i just wanted him to be happy. a year later kate has not followed through with any of the things they agreed on. so for the past year my brother has been living with kate, her mom, her moms bf and occasionally her grandparents. kates family is all unemployed (her mom was fired her moms bf is a slacker and her grandparents retired) do the only 2 providing for the whole family are kate and my brother. as i mentioned before kate works at walmart so she doesnt make enough money. so all the financial responsibility falls to my brother who has a well paying job. about a month ago in december my brother called our mom and asked for relationship advice. eventually he said that he wasnt happy in the relationship and decided to have a talk with kate about how she hasnt done anything she promised. she got really emotional but then agreed to start working on things but that didnt last very long, she was back to her old routine in 2 days. after i heard that he was unhappy it all started to click, he never looked happy in any pictures after he moved. but when he came to visit recently i saw him actually happy and smiling. he ended up having a talk with our mom where he just spilled everything. he said that he didnt want to move in the first place but he felt like he had to for kate. after this kate started trying to keep me away from my brother. it was at this point when i told him to break up with her and move back home. the next day he went back across the country and called our mom when he got back. he had said that kate started copying all the things i do but making it kinda sexual. kate had starting being obsessive, checking his phone, not wanting him to talk to friends and family, constantly checking his location and more crazy shit. my mom and i talked about how we were going to try and help my brother because at this point it was getting out of hand and we realized that kate sees me as competition and is trying to keep me away from my brother so he wont want to move back here. i told him that he needs to break up with her and move back here for his sanity and mental health so aita for that?

tldr: kate sees me as competition for her romantic relationship with my brother so she started copying things i do but sexy even though i am a minor and her bfs little sibling so i told him to break up with her and move back home

What are these acronyms?

[esotericc-angel]

why i am not open to arguing in my comments section

why i put "if you disagree, i dont care. so don't bother leaving comments about how much you disagree :)" at the end of my posts is becase these are things that I believe. so therefore, this is the reality that i have to live with. me writing these posts and answering yall's questions about LOA is me sharing my core beliefs/ personal reality. many coaches out there don't answer DMs or questions for free, but i do. and i enjoy it. i share what has worked for me, and the mindset that i have because i manifested the life i have pretty quickly. i am very happy in this reality that i have created for myself, so i dont need people to try to convince me that my CORE BELIEFS (aka my reality) is false. there is no wrong way to manifest. maybe if my blog was about something like political affairs, or other people's lives, sure i wouldnt mind comments about a different opinion. but manifesting is almost different for anyone, you can adopt mindsets, but its pretty subjective. the way you percive things matters. respectfully, if you dont agree with my ideas, then you can leave, but i wont tolerate people trying to tell me that the reality i am experiencing rn is false. thank you for listening.

[tonowaritrash]

i can’t remember to forget you

hope you guys like hurt/comfort and pain and suffering.

this ended differently than what i had originally planned. it was supposed to end with tonowari never having gone into reader’s marui , and in my mind that’s still the true ending.

pairing: tonowari x reader

tags: hurt/comfort, oral (fem receiving), p in v sex

minors dni

if there was one thing you understood about the universe it was that you could count on patterns. that no matter how unknown the sea beyond the reef of your home was, you could count on the fundamentals still running their course. you could always count of eclipse ending each night, you could always count on the seasons to cycle through the year, you could always count on the stars telling you where to go. the world may change around you but its core mechanics stayed the same, and that brought you comfort each night.

you wanted to explore, and you’d always told your parents every time you ventured a little too far into the ocean or a little too deep in forest that there was nothing to be afraid of. you knew that if things were unfamiliar you could still count on what you knew. that the fundamentals never changed. perhaps they shifted, but never changed completely. night would turn to day, the stars would stay the same and you would always be able to find your way home.

so when tonowari had taken your hand with a promise adventure to a place beyond the reef, you were more than willing to follow. you were all blushes and giggles and your ilu whistled as though it sensed your excitement. maybe it did, you’d like to think so.

eclipse was approaching when the two of you finally arrived at a lush island about 30 minutes away. it was small but there was a hill in the middle with a large waterfall that was protected by a thick forest and a carpet of flowers. it was more than you’d ever expected.

“i wanted to take you somewhere special,” he said softly, though he was a bit nervous.

“it’s beautiful,” you breathed. “wari, i love it.”

he smiled. “i’m glad. this will make things easier.”

you gave him a curious look but noticed that he was rummaging in his pouch before he took out a string of shells. you gasped.

“i know we’re still young, and my father says it’s too soon to choose a tsahik but…you’re the only one i can see myself being with. it’s not an official necklace, but it’s a promise. for our future. i-”

you kissed him with enthusiasm and he staggered only for moment in surprise before melting into it. he smiled against your lips and when you broke apart he helped clip the necklace into place.

it was a promise. a vow. that his love for you was as reliable as the world around you. that it became a fundamental truth of the universe. just as day would always come and the seasons would always change. he would love you.

that was 10 years ago.

you were so young, so naive back then as teenagers are wont to be. what nobody had told you was that fundamental truths could change, that sometimes the world you knew could become one you didn’t recognise. that people could fall from the sky and take everything. and that promises could be broken.

you were told you would heal after the news broke five years ago. that wounds that were within your heart took time. and you did heal. you were able to leave your marui and contribute to the clan. you could hunt just as well as your peers, and it only took a few months for their pitied looks to disappear. you were able to find a few other men who would court you, though none of them managed to stick around long. it began to get easier when the seasons bled into one another.

you had healed. truly. and you were happy. you had friends who loved you, a clan who took care of you, a whole world that excited you. who wouldn’t be happy?

that’s what you asked yourself as eclipse enveloped your marui and you lit your candles. their fire licked into the warm night as you arranged them, carefully putting them on whatever surfaces you had while humming. you shook out the match you’d made to snuff out its light, but your hand knocked a box off of one the surfaces in the room which caused it tumble to the floor with a mighty crash.

you swore as you picked it up, as it had been given to you by your mother who’d carved an ilu into its side. it held various things you’d found on your adventures: shells, pearls, pebbles and feathers among them. they each had a memory attached.

you noticed that something else that seemed to be a shell had fallen a bit farther and was under a table. you walked up to it and knelt down to grab it, the light too dim to make it out while it was on the floor. luckily it was withing arm’s reach so you pulled it towards you, puzzled by how it seemed to be attached to other things.

as you pulled it toward yourself, however, you felt a familiar dread creeping up your spine. it shook you, but despite your mind wanting to leave it alone, your body seemed to operate on its own.

when it was in full view in front of you, though, you froze. it was a necklace, all too familiar to you with turquoise beads and shells the seemed to glint under the candles’ glow. it was the necklace tonowari had made for you ten years ago, the necklace you wore for years before your world came crashing down on you.

your breath hitched and you could feel the tears starting to fall. this was not how it was supposed to be. you had made peace with everything. you were supposed to have forgotten about him, you even talked to him on occasion when you saw him around.

but you knew the truth, deep down. that every night you thought about him, about what could have been. the thoughts were fleeting but they never went away, as constant as the seasons, your own little fundamental truth. one you tried to reject.

you took in a shaky breath and stood up, walking out of your marui with the necklace in hand. it had to go. you couldn’t hold on to it anymore. you would return it to the sea and let the waves swallow the shells. let eywa deal with it as she saw fit.

the waves lapped at your feet as you looked into the ocean, a familiar sensation. your heart thumped like a drum and your clenched fists hurt as you raised your arm to throw it.

let eywa take it.

you were happy.

you moved on.

you’d forgotten about him.

you…

your hand stilled in the air. the water crashed into itself ahead as the breeze blew you hair in each direction.

sighing, you brought your hand down and turned, stalking back to your marui with the necklace still in your fist. the air that once was refreshing now brought a chill and the previously comforting waves seemed to roar in your ears. the world you’d carefully constructed came crashing down around you in one fell swoop.

you’d never forgotten him. you couldn’t remember to forget him. the necklace was all the proof you’d needed.

it was a necklace of empty vows and broken promises. that love could never be a fundamental truth and that everything you thought you knew could change in an instant.

-0O0-

tonowari fell into a routine.

rise with the day, help his father in the early mornings to prepare for the tasks ahead, assign fishing spots, send out hunting parties of necessary, return home to ronal and attend to her needs then sleep only to do it all over again.

it was monotonous but he drowned himself in it. it kept his mind occupied enough that it rarely wandered and he could stay on task.

but every so often he would see a glimpse of your hair, hear your giggles wafting through the crowd, smell the scent of flowers that you’d kept in your marui and reality would strike him.

in the day he longed to touch you and at night his heart ached for you. he couldn’t seem to forget you.

it wasn’t fair. he’d done everything right, became a capable fisherman that the clan could rely on, served the people just as his father had taught him and then some. he would be olo’eyktan and yet…

he got out of bed, his mind too restless to fall asleep. the world outside of his marui was dark and the sand beneath his feet crunched.

eywa was mysterious in her ways, but was there no justice in this world? a fundamental truth he had held dear as a child was that the good would be rewarded for their efforts, that karma would come around. and yet here he was, a broken man on the inside.

the waves rippled along the shore and he let them surround his feet. the water was cool and he could see a few crabs burrowing themselves into the tide pools. the night was peaceful.

he caught a glimpse of someone a little ways down the coast, a fellow clan member. she looked like she was throwing something bud from this distance it was difficult to ascertain what. curious, he walked closer as it was a strange hour to go about.

after a while she became more visible as she turned to walk back to her marui. he stopped as he realised who it was, blood running cold.

you were holding onto something and you wiped your hand across your eyes as if you’d been crying. he always hated it when you cried. he took a step forward with arm stretched out, a subconscious reaction from years ago, before he stepped on a stick.

you were about to slip back into your home when you turned at the sound. your eyes landed on tonowari who was obscured by a few rocks and you froze.

both of you stared at each other for what felt like hours. tonowari’s heart was racing as his mind filled with a multitude of thoughts that he’d suppressed for years.

“wari?” he heard you whisper.

he staggered forward, nearly collapsing at the old nickname. as though you were a magnet, you took a step too.

“what’re you doing up so late?” you asked.

tonowari’s mouth grew dry. “i could ask you the same thing.”

“i…” you looked down at your hand and tonowari looked as well. there in your hand was the necklace he’d made all those years ago. his heart tumbled.

“i couldn’t seem to let it go,” you said with a humorless chuckle.

you’d held on to it all this time? but…it seemed you were going to throw it into the sea just now. “i thought you’d moved on.”

“so had i,” you replied.

he took another step closer, now he could touch you if he reached out. you were so close but it seemed like you were worlds apart. the last five years…they really took a toll on you.

it wasn’t fair at all. none of this was. future olo’eyktan or not, there was nothing just about how things were. eywa help him.

“i still think about you,” he admitted, despite himself.

“wari…”

“i do. about what we had before i—” he stopped and sucked in his breath. “this wasn’t what i wanted.”

you avoided his gaze and rubbed the back of your neck. this damn necklace. if you hadn’t found it tonight of all nights you wouldn’t be feeling this way.

“you have a duty,” you reminded him. “you’ll be olo’eyktan soon.”

“i know.” he hesitated for a moment before he placed a tentative hand on your shoulder. he felt you tense but you relaxed under the familiar gesture.

“you have to focus on what’s important.”

tonowari frowned at this. all this talk about duty and what was important…it saddened him. “you’re important.”

“the clan is important. you should know that more than anything.”

“i do, but…” he sighed. “it should never have been like this. i made a promise.”

“a promise that wasn’t yours to make.”

the words cut through him like a knife. they shattered him.

“a cruel fate that an olo’eyktan can’t even choose who to give his own love to,” he said with ice. “a bitter irony that i am powerless in the matter that i care for the most. if i’d known—”

“would it have made a difference to the betrothal if you had?”

there it was. the word he despised. the word that had plagued him for five years. plagued you both.

you stepped back, out of the warmth of his palm. the necklace felt like ice in your hand and you breathed in a shaky breath.

“ronal and i…we haven’t mated,” he said softly. “i told her that i wanted to take things slow but i think she suspects there is another reason.”

you bit your lip. “why are you telling me this?”

“i still love you. i can’t seem to remember to stop loving you. i keep…”

“i keep forgetting i should let you go,” you finished softly.

there was a silence between the two of you. the pounding of your heart reverberated throughout your body and you thought it would punch itself out.

“i wish things were different.”

you paused for a moment before reaching out and giving tonowari the necklace that haunted you. you curled his fingers around it securely and gave his fist a soft kiss.

“for what it’s worth,” you said, “i still love you too.”

you gave his hand a final pat and detracted. tonowari held onto it firmly, fighting tears that threatened to fall.

he hadn’t known what to expect when he spoke to you. perhaps he’d thought that things would change, but as you walked back into your candle lit marui he could feel a lone, hot tear fall down his face.

you were right, ultimately. he had a duty to his people. it was best to move on. he knew this. and yet…

and yet as he watched the candles flicker out one by one he couldn’t help but think about how unfair it all was again.

he gripped the necklace tightly as it seemed to burn through his hand. all the pain and hurt and love it contained resonated through him.

to hell with duty.

“eywa, forgive me,” he muttered before walking into your marui.

you turned at the intrusion after snuffing out the last candle, surprised at tonowari’s large form towering behind you suddenly. you’d forgotten just how large he was as he didn’t like to use his size to intimidate others. but right now it seemed liked he took up the majority of your marui.

“wari, what’re you—”

his kiss surprised you into silence. melding his lips with yours you kissed him back almost immediately out of a habit still embedded within you despite years of being apart. it was desperate and hungry, with you frantically grabbing everywhere you could, feeling him.

he picked you up and manoeuvred you onto the table, the sound of displaced objects clattering around you. you didn’t care. his touch quenched your burning desire for him and you drank him in eagerly.

he kissed your neck, remembering exactly where you needed him most. everywhere his lips touched you burned and you panted, swallowing down a moan as he bit you gently.

tonowari shrugged off his clothes and helped you out of yours. he took one of your breasts in his hand and kissing it. you whined as pleasure bloomed from your most sensitive parts.

he moved down to your thighs and you shivered as he held your hand, fingers interlocking with each other. your entire body seemed to burn with a desire for him and your cunt was already soaking by the time he gave your bud a tentative lick. you choked down a sob from how good it felt.

tonowari moaned as he tasted you, and pressed himself into you like he couldn’t get enough. as though he needed this as much as you did. and you firmly believe he did.

you knew you were a goner as soon as he put two of his thick fingers inside of you and it didn’t take you long before you came, crying his name.

he smiled and stood to kiss you gently. you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him as close as you could. you wanted him everywhere. you wanted to drown in him.

tonowari gripped one of your thighs and pushed it back, opening you up to him. you were dripping onto your table, legs quivering from the stimulation.

you felt his weighty cock teasing your entrance. it slid up you slick cunt deliciously and you whined. tonowari chuckled before lining it up and pushing in.

he moaned a little as he stretched your walls and kissed you as you begged him to go deeper. his cock rubbed against you in exactly the right places and you shivered as you felt it rub against your walls. you’d forgotten how incredible it felt to have him inside you like this.

when he bottomed out he paused and you both panted as you held on to him. he chuckled as he looked down at where the two you connected.

“i’ve been thinking about this every day for five years,” he muttered before he cradled your face gently.

you kissed him but this time it was slow and full of passion. you kissed him with all the love you’d held for five years. you’d kissed him with all the pain you’d tried to ignore. and he returned it in kind.

he started moving again and your fingers dug into his back which made him hiss softly. you moved your hips with him as your walls gripped onto him hungrily as he softly encouraged you.

you lost yourselves in each each other in a mess of groans and pants. the grip of your fingers seemed to spur him on as he grit his teeth and thrusted into you with wild abandon.

when you came again you swore you saw eywa herself as the pleasure washed over you. tonowari kissed you everywhere he could, breath hitching as your walls tightened around him. you wrapped your arms around him as your hips still moved against his, selfishly not wanting it to end.

he hoisted you up again and placed you on the floor before moving your legs over his shoulders. your back arched at how deep he was at this angle and you pleaded with him through pleasured sobs.

tonowari nuzzled into your neck, his breath fanning agains you. a deep rumble resonated within him that you could only describe as a growl as he nicked at a sensitive spot on your neck.

your breath hitched, but as you realised what he was doing he bit down hard and a burst of pleasure resonated through you one final time.

he came with you with two sharp thrusts as he said your name under his breath. a shudder rocked through him as his orgasm waned and you couldn’t help but marvel at how his eyes were shut tight, how a bead of sweat rolled down his torso. he was beautiful.

when he rolled next to you to catch his breath his hand grabbed yours again and he kissed it.

your other hand brushed against the mark on your neck as the severity of what he had done caught up with you.

he inspected it with worried eyes, probably worried he’d harmed you, but the mark was fine. it felt good, really.

he reached behind him and you watched in stunned shock as he grabbed his queue.

“tsahaylu? here? now?” you asked. “are you serious?”

he nodded. “i can’t mate with ronal if i’m already mated with someone else.”

you gave him a disapproving glance and sat up. “tonowari, you have—”

“—a duty, yes. but you’re just as important to me as the clan. if being olo’eyktan means throwing away our life and happiness together, then perhaps i am not meant to be olo’eyktan at all.”

“you would sacrifice everything you’ve ever wanted — your whole life — to be with me?”

he placed a reassuring hand on your hip and pressed his forehead against yours. “everything i’ve ever wanted is right here in front of me. my whole life…it’s you.” he paused and chuckled. “i suppose you could say that’s my fundamental truth.”

you giggled at his teasing words before grabbing your own queue. the weight of what was to happen was not lost on you and you looked up at him again.

tonowari nodded and with his unworried reassurance the tendrils of your queue connected.

it was so overwhelming you thought you would drown. there were so many memories and emotions, all so powerful. and you saw yourself through him. you saw yourself ten years ago when he first gave you the necklace, you saw yourself laughing, you saw yourself crying, and you felt the pain the last five years brought him.

most of all you felt love. deep and pure. but never faltering. not for a moment. he truly loved you as he said.

you didn’t know you were crying until you felt his hands wiping your tears. he hugged you tightly and you pressed yourself against his chest, feeling his body shudder around you. it was then you realised that he was crying too. and because you were still connected you knew it was for everything. for the pain, for love, for happiness.

and for relief.

“never again,” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly. “eywa herself would have to take you away from me.”

you closed your eyes at his reassuring words. briefly you wondered about what would happen the next day, about what clan would say. only briefly. because you knew what was true. that you would always love each other.that was something you could count on.