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kimvvantae · 4 years

Text

puzzle; 7 (m)

➜ you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, a little bit of violence

rating: 18+

word count: 12k

A/N: sweet jesus it’s been so long but it’s finally here! this is the last but one chapter of the series. i genuinely hope you guys enjoy it and i reeeeally want to know your thoughts on it! feel free to leave a comment! if you feel i’m deserving of it lmao

enjoy!

➜ Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

[bby bear]: where are you???

[bby bear]: you'll get late for class

[you]: i knoww

[you]: the traffic is so heavy today 🤦🤦

[bby bear]: you should have come w me

[you]: i need to go to the bank

[you]: i told you

[bby bear]: i could have taken u theer

[bby bear]: there

[you]: 🥺🥺 next time i'll go w you i promise!!

[you]: but i'm close

[you]: i'll probably lose the first period tho

[bby bear]: 🤦

You shove the phone inside of your pocket when you notice the pedestrian sign is finally green. The crowd on both sides of the avenue rush, everyone on their fast pace as usual. You're even forced to push some people in order to walk by.

Getting to the other side of the street, you stop in front of the building.

Tall as fuck. That cool kind of building with mirrors all over it, where only cool people wearing cool suits walking around holding cups of coffee on one hand and phones on the other hand talking business language kind of people work at.

You certainly don't work here. You definitely don't have any stuff to do here. You surely are not close to the campus and you will lose much more than just the first period.

Seulgi will most definitely punch your face when she finds out where you are and what you're about to do.

You confidently walk inside the building, pushing through its glass doors into the pristine, modern and gigantic main hall. Your black boots contrast with the high heels all the other women wear around you. So does the rest of your outfit. Mini skirts and oversized hoodies are not part of the dress code here. You can almost hear their minds asking, what is this person doing here? The clanck clanck sound of their heels clicking against the marble floor is somehow pleasing, though.

You stop in front of the reception counter. A pretty girl opens a crystal white smile to you. Her hair is tied tightly, her uniform was ironed to perfection. "Good morning. How can I help you?" She chirps happily.

"Good morning. My name is Y/N. I'd like to talk to Irene."

The smile quickly falters.

The girl side eyes her colleague that sits by her side. "Hmm… unfortunately, Miss Irene does not receive visits," she says carefully, still trying to keep her smile. "You must be mistaken."

You can see this girl thinks you're crazy. You quickly realize that people usually don't come at the reception and simply say they want to talk to Irene. But, well, what else would you do? You have to announce your presence somehow.

"Irene is waiting for me. You can call her and ask if you want," you insist.

The receptionist looks pale for a moment.

Hesitantly, she takes the phone and dials a number. You can still see that the girl thinks you're lying; she's probably ready to call the security guards. During her quick talk on the phone, you notice she's not talking to Irene, but with her secretary.

You also see the moment her eyes widen.

She hangs up the phone and stands up, smiling widely again.

"Miss Y/N, Irene is waiting for your arrival," she says, and you notice the slight tone of panic in her voice. "Please, accompany me."

All the other visitors have to show their identifications and take a quick picture on the reception, you notice, but the girl simply ignores this procedure with you, guiding you to the elevator instead. She explains the situation to the security guard and he lets you in. The receptionist still looks slightly panicked. She's probably scared that you'll complain how the receptionist was rude to me directly to Irene, but you won't. Poor girl was just doing her job.

The elevator is big, too. It has a panoramic view of the city as it goes up to one of the highest floors.

You always thought Seulgi was overreacting when she said how bad she sometimes felt for dating Irene, but now you kind of understand her.

You knew Irene was rich. You can recognize a Gucci jacket when you see one, and you've seen Irene wearing plenty of these. But Irene always acted so normal. Sure, she was elegant - and sometimes even arrogant -, but she was still someone very pleasant to be around. She never looked disgusted to be in your tiny but comfy apartment, she never made faces when she'd sometimes wear some of Seulgi's or your clothes when she didn't bring any to spend the night, she never complained to eat the junk food you'd buy for dinner. She was just… chill.

Because of that, you'd forget that she's rich sometimes.

Being in this massive building where everyone acted as if she was a princess made you remember, though.

Irene is beyond rich. Your standard of "rich" used to be Joy: someone that has a cool, big house in a nice part of the city. Irene partially owns a fucking company. She's so chill that you never even bothered to Google the company's name; you did this today to get the address, and it only made you more shocked.

Seulgi must have felt overwhelmed many times in their relationship.

But you're sure she was much happier back then than she is now.

You're used to their drama. They were already dating when you first met Seulgi, and you saw this cycle repeating many times. This time, though, things are not happening as usual. Seulgi is the saddest you’ve ever seen in these almost three years of convivence. Right after they broke up, you thought she was just being dramatic as usual… now you see that it isn’t simple drama. She’s actually sad and has been in this state for months. She doesn’t go out anymore, stopped doing the things she liked… she even got tired of Netflix. That’s probably the most shocking fact of all.

Jungkook said you shouldn’t get involved in this, but you’re tired of seeing your friend being so sad all the time.

Their breakup was messy this time. They didn’t talk properly, didn’t make things clear. Seulgi is too stubborn to make a move (she’s totally lethargic at this point, both physically and spiritually), and Irene also seems too stubborn. Since none of them has the balls to do anything, you finally decided to step up and take action.

(Funny how you thought Jimin was annoying for trying to push you and Jungkook together, but you’re doing the exact same thing right now).

Well, look, you’re not exactly trying to push them into each other. First, you want to know Irene’s feelings and opinions on this situation. If you see that she has really moved on from Seulgi, then you’re ready to give your friend all the comfort and support in the world so she finally moves on. If Irene shows you that she still has feelings for Seulgi… well…

The speed in which she replied to your DM is a strong indicative of that.

The way her eyes glint with undeniable hope when the elevator doors open and she greets you is another indicative.

Irene looks gorgeous as always; she’s like a human version of Snow White. It’s kind of funny to meet her in her office like this. She’s almost like a female and hotter version of Christian Grey.

Her ways of greeting you are polite and… hesitant. You understand why. She probably doesn’t get what you’re doing here in the first place, what you want to talk about. Considering you’re Seulgi’s friend, she must think you’d be mad at her or something.

“Why didn’t you call me, Y/N? My guests never enter from the common hall.” she asked. Oh. Common hall is what that massive hall is called. Almost like peasants area.

“I didn’t know.” you simply say, shrugging.

“I’m sorry that we’re meeting here at my workplace. It feels too profissional, doesn’t it?” she smiles sheepishly.

Well… it does. You don’t even feel comfortable enough to move around her great office, afraid that you’d accidentally break anything (you’re sure that every little piece in this room is much more expensive than you’d be able to afford).

“Come on, let’s go to the cafeteria. I think it’ll be more comfortable to talk there.” she politely suggests, and you just agree with her.

Irene guides you around the halls. This floor is less crowded, since only Important People with Important Tasks work here - and she’s greeted by all of them as she passes by. Their eyes immediately float to you, and they were surely asking themselves why Princess Irene was being followed by this peasant.

The cafeteria in question is as pretty and neatly clean as the rest of the building. Soft music plays from the speakers. Irene chooses a more private table by the windows and asks if you want to have breakfast; you politely decline and both of you end up ordering simple cups of coffee.

An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air.

"I… have to confess that I got surprised when I saw your DM," Irene speaks softly. Her eyes are glued on her cup of coffee. "It's been a while."

"Yeah."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine." a hundred different scenes pass on your head as she asks this, and you know that you feel anything but fine in the moment, but it's not as if you'll rant about your complicated love life right now. "But I'm sure you don't want to ask about me."

You see a shade of pink flush Irene's cheeks.

"Well… I don't think it would be right to ask about her." Irene says.

"Why not? It's not as if you didn't know I came here to talk about Seulgi."

"But she doesn't want to know about me."

You're left speechless for a few seconds.

It's funny to see the two sides of a breakup. Because of their stubborness, they became completely out of tune with each other. Irene thought that Seulgi didn't want to know about her, when you knew pretty damn well that Seulgi stalked her social media an unhealthy amount of times per day.

You cross your arms and lean your back on the chair. Irene looks hesitant, but you see she's eager to know whatever information you may have. That's not the behavior of someone that hates their ex.

"Can I ask you something?" you say. It's funny how Irene, the owner of pretty much everything around you, looks so cornered by you, her shoulders shrinking visibly. She nods softly. "Why did you guys break up? I mean, what's your side of the story?"

Irene sighs and passes her hand through her dark hair. She looks out the window. She doesn't seem irritated by your ask. She just seems… thoughtful.

It makes you realize that, perhaps, Seulgi's not the only one feeling broken here.

"We're… different." she starts quietly. "I have been trying to keep this relationship working for a long time, you know. Even though we argued a lot and disagreed about many things. But…" Irene sighs again. Sadness shadows her features. "It was getting hard. Seulgi never accepted my help. She knows that money is no problem for me, and I just wanted to help, but why did she act so angry every time I wanted to help you guys?"

Oh.

You don't miss the way she said "help you guys"; she must be talking about the times both of you were struggling to pay the rent. Oh God. You clearly see where their opinions diverge. Irene has always been rich; she saw money as something simple, giving money to others wasn't a big deal. Meanwhile, Seulgi must've felt dependent and it surely hurt her pride. Besides, there were enough people saying that Seulgi was only dating Irene to get money from her…

"And there's more." Irene's voice becomes quieter, more fragile. "My family, they're… very conservative. It was already hard enough for them to accept my sexuality. They never did, to be honest… but they particularly don't like Seulgi, because she's not, hm, on my "social level", as they like to say."

Ooh.

This is more complicated. Seulgi doesn't know what it feels like; her family is very open minded. She told you that, in the beginning, her parents were shocked when she told them that she also liked girls, but they slowly accepted it. Irene, on the other hand…

"They keep saying that my relationship with her will be bad for the company." She confesses. "They said they'd even accept my relationship, as long as we dated in secret."

"What?!" you gasp. "This is disgusting!"

"I know." Irene nods, eyes focused on the mug between her hands. You have the impression that you see tears welling up on her eyes, but she blinks rapidly to dissipate them. "I… I was willing to go against them, because if they don't accept my relationship, then they don't accept who I am. But… I don't know if it's worth doing this if I'm not sure if Seulgi feels the same about me."

Ouch.

You remembered the night when they broke up. Seulgi came to you, crying, and said that she was tired of being with someone that wasn't brave enough to accept her.

Seulgi, my dear… you know nothing.

You can see that to go against her parents isn't as simple as it sounds. To Irene, going against her family involves reputation, money, and the company itself. It's definitely a big deal. Seulgi didn't understand how serious it is.

And Irene is willing to take this big step for her.

It's your time to sigh.

"Irene." you lean closer, staring at her seriously. "Do you still love Seulgi?"

She blinks at your direct question. Irene looks down, gulps… and nods.

"I do love her."

You can't hear any hint of doubt on her voice.

That's what you wanted to hear.

"She's not okay." You blurt out the truth. Irene widens her eyes softly and looks at you. You see guilt on her eyes as she hears this. "I came here because I'm worried about her. She doesn't act like herself anymore. She even got tired of Netflix."

Irene widens her eyes in shock. "She stopped watching Netflix?!"

"Yes." You nod seriously. "And she still loves you, too."

Irene freezes when you say this.

Now, you're sure of the tears welling up on her eyes.

"I…" she stutters, unable to form a coherent sentence. "A-Are you sure?"

You can't help but giggle at her; Irene looks shy, almost like a teenager - scared and excited to know that her crush likes her back. You feel your own heart warming up at the sight.

"Of course I'm sure."

A smile wants to make its way up to her lips. "B-But what do I do? I can't just walk up to her like this. I don't want to start another fight…"

"Irene, believe me. Seulgi will listen to anything you have to say, as long as you're being honest. Tell her about the situation with your family. Prove to her that you're willing to stand for her. I mean, if you're still willing to…"

"I am!" Irene exclaims in a heartbeat. "I am. As long as she's with me, I feel like I can do anything."

You feel yourself smiling. Irene's eyes are shining like diamonds.

"But you also have to try to understand her." You say seriously. "Seulgi is not wrong for wanting to be independent. She's finishing her studies, she wants to build a career for herself, and she wants her own money. I know you're trying to help, but you have to respect her. Also, I'm sure she doesn't want to be a burden for you."

Irene nods vehemently. "Okay. You're right. I get it."

She doesn't hold her smile back anymore as a tear rolls down her cheek. She looks so immensely happy… it's a delightful sight. And you can't help but feel happy too, because right now, more than ever, you see that Seulgi found something rare and precious in this world.

True love.

And this fact itself is enough to make you feel that coming here was worth it - even though Seulgi might want to kill you afterwards.

"But hey, Irene," you call her seriously again. "I'm doing all this because both of you stupid asses couldn't, but if you make Seulgi cry again, I will kill you. I know where you work now."

Irene laughs at your very serious threat. She leans forward and holds both of your hands. "Y/N, thank you so much for telling me all this. I will forever be grateful. If you need anything- and I mean anything- I will help you, okay? Anything!"

"Alright, alright," you say, shrugging, the slight thought that a millionaire owns you a favor sounding nice. "Now, you better go talk to Seulgi. I can't stand her walking around the living room looking like a zombie anymore." Irene laughs softly. "And… I said I wasn't hungry, but now I kind of want that waffle."

Seulgi looks like a very grumpy zombie when you meet her in the corridor.

"Where the hell were you?!" Seulgi exclaims. "It's noon!"

"Yeah, I know." you shrug. "The bank was pretty crowded."

Seulgi narrows her eyes. Her hair looks messy even though it's tied up and she has bags underneath her eyes. She's wearing the top of her old orange pajamas. It has an old kitchen oil stain over the chest. Seulgi from months ago would rarely go out looking like this.

"What the hell did you need to do there anyway? I didn't even know people still go to banks." She whines. "I was getting worried, you know?"

You walk down the corridor with your hands behind your back. You're glad Seulgi is too grumpy to notice the sly smirk on your lips, the way you kind of bounce by her side in expectation.

"Always so thoughtful, Seul. You're so cute, did you know that?"

She side eyes you, the frown deepening. "Why are you complimenting me?"

"What's the problem with complimenting you?"

"Whenever you compliment me it means either you want something or you did something that you know will piss me off."

Sometimes you forget how well Seulgi knows you.

"Jesus, you're too stressed, girl. I'll pay you lunch, okay? Let's eat at that Italian restaurant you like."

"When you offer yourself to pay for stuff it also means that-"

Seulgi stops in her tracks, completely frozen.

"Irene?"

You step back silently and hold your breath.

This is the moment that might end your friendship with Seulgi if it goes bad.

Irene seems to be holding her breath as well, her eyes round - scared, hesitant, hopeful.

And they stand there, looking at each other. As if time has slowed down. As if there was no one else besides them in the busy corridor.

If this was a drama, you imagined that the romantic soundtrack would kick in now.

"Hi, Seulgi." Irene says softly. "It's… it's been a while."

It seems that Seulgi's brain is struggling to function. "What… what are you doing here?" the fact that she does not sound defensive or aggressive but genuinely surprised and confused relieves your chest.

"I came here to talk." Irene says. "Just… just talk. But if you want me to go…"

"No." Seulgi interrupts her embarrassingly too fast. "It's alright. We… we can talk. Just talk."

Their eyes are gleaming and the ghost of smiles appear on their lips.

Your chest fills with triumph as you silently walk back. Not that either of them would even notice you anyway.

You're too far to hear what they're saying now, their soft voices drowning in the middle of the many more people walking around the corridor, but you still kind of hide inside an empty classroom, half of your body peeking outside of the door to watch them. They're talking and smiling timidly. You feel tempted to take some photos, but it's better not to. You kind of feel like an intruder watching them, even if you're this far-

"What are you doing?"

You almost feel your spirit jumping out of your body when the male voice asks dangerously close to your ear, turning around in a jump to see the source.

Now you don't know if your heart is beating so ridiculously fast because of the scare of because of the view in front of you.

Jungkook looks down at you with a puzzled expression, his hands behind his back, his body slightly leaning on your direction. He's wearing a modern grey hanbok over a black t-shirt and slippers. His backpack hangs from one shoulder. His hair is half tied up in a small bun, curly bangs falling over his eyes. This is precisely what makes your heart almost fail. You've been wondering how he would look like with his hair tied up ever since he decided to let it grow…

He's got no business looking this good. No. Fucking. Business.

But you're a master of pretending you're unbothered, so you just point ahead at their direction with an excited smile. Jungkook's eyes look up to where you're pointing and his eyes widen.

"Oh!" Almost instantly, he kind of hides behind you as well. It's hard to ignore the warmth of his body on your back, even though he isn't close enough to touch you. "Did they make up? Are they dating again?"

"I hope they will." it's weird how you're both speaking so low, as if they could possibly hear you over the loud chatter.

"What if they start fighting?"

"Don't even say that! I put my friendship with Seulgi at risk to get these two to talk!"

You turn your head in time to see Jungkook's eyes frowning as he realizes what's going on.

"It was you?"

"Of course it was."

He crosses his arms over his broad chest and shakes his head slowly in disapproval. "You said you wouldn't get involved!"

"I never said I wasn't going to get involved." you bat your lashes prettily at him, trying to give your best innocent look (unsuccessfully).

"You damn gremlin."

You whack his chest. "Aw, come on! Just look at them and tell me it isn't working!"

Both of you look ahead again to see them smiling sweetly at each other as they talk. You bounce and giggle excitedly like a little kid. "Look, look! She's blushing!"

Jungkook tilts his head to the side. "But what about Jennie?"

"Oh, Irene and Jennie went out on dates, but it didn't work out in the end. They're just friends." you repeat the exact same words Irene told you earlier.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, if she cheats on Seulgi, I'll kill her."

You watch as they slowly start to walk away side by side, heading towards the exit.

You jump out of your "hideout" and open your arms in triumph. "I did great this time, didn't I?!"

Jungkook chuckles and leans on the doorway, arms crossed. "Whatever you say."

You're an expert at acting unbothered, but right now it's really hard to do so when he looks at you this way.

He has a pretty lazy smile on his lips. It makes you feel hot inside and your stomach jumps and your heart races. His gaze is intense… but not in the way you're used to. That look isn't his I want to fuck kind of look, it's… it's… shit, you don't know what that means, but it's pretty intense. Why is he looking at you like that?

You just hope he doesn't notice how your legs are wobbly.

It's the first time you see him in person since two days ago, when he slept at your house. Two days after you had sex even though you said you wouldn't. You didn't talk properly about what happened there. To be honest, your brain still didn't process that well.

Things are awkward between you two - but this time it's a different kind of awkward. A type of awkward that made your cheeks burn while you cleaned yourself and got dressed. A type of awkward that made you feel all fuzzy and warm inside, that made a silly smile grow on your lips every time your eyes crossed his from the other side of the living room, an awkwardness that forced you both to look away and try to pretend your cheeks weren't aching from the damn smile that didn't want to go away. A type of awkward that didn't let you talk about what happened - as if none of you wanted to talk about it, to just keep it engraved in your minds forever, as if talking about it would take all the magic of the moment away.

You don't hate this type of awkward.

It's not uncomfortable. Not like what has been happening for the past months. Yet, you feel that you need to talk about it - to sort things out clearly and straightforwardly this time… because if the way he's looking at you means anything, then maybe… just maybe…

"I've got good news." Jungkook says suddenly (because he noticed that you've been staring at each other for far too long to not be embarrassing anymore).

"What?" you fiddle with your own fingers, trying to ease the tension.

"Remember that director I told you about? Mr. Choi?" You nod. "He invited me to work with him."

Your jaw drops, your eyes widen. "What? Are you serious?!"

Jungkook nods excitedly. "Yeah. Well, I'll be like the assistant of the assistant, to be honest, but… he invited me to work with him on his next project. I'll gain some real experience, at least…"

"Are you kidding? This is great, Kook! What the fuck!"

You jump over to hug him, your arms dropping around his shoulders, and Jungkook quickly hugs you back. His low excited giggle right next to your ear makes goosebumps crawl on your skin.

"I'm so fucking proud of you!" And you couldn't be more honest. Jungkook has always been so hardworking; he deserves all the success and recognition in the world. You always thought so.

"Thank you," his voice is still low and excited.

He caresses your back. It makes yet more goosebumps crawl on your skin.

Oh, God. He still smells like baby powder. He always does. You feel tempted to sniff the crook of his neck, just to take a little bit more of his scent, but you hold yourself back. It's not like hugging Jungkook is something new to you. Fuck, after everything you've done, hugging should feel like nothing. But for some reason… hugging him right now feels like a lot.

Feels awkward.

So awkward that you have to remind yourself that you're in the middle of a corridor full of people, and that this hug is taking way too long, so you step back before your brain completely malfunctions.

"A-And," you clear your throat and put a strand of hair behind your ear, furiously avoiding his gaze. You never thought that Jungkook would make you feel shy like this. Shy and Y/N shouldn’t make sense in the same sentence. "When is this next project?"

"In two days. I think he decided to put me on the crew last minute."

"This means that he really trusts you."

Jungkook smiles sheepishly and massages the back of his neck. "I just hope I won't mess things up."

"You'll do great, Kook. You always do."

He lifts his gaze to you again.

That same look again.

You feel that everything is blurred except him again. No one else is in that corridor. No loud chatter. Just him and his starry eyes, looking back at you, eyes that smile as much as his lips.

God.

You need to sort things out.

You can't just stare at him with heart eyes like this anymore. You need to talk about what happened. This conversation feels awkward because you're both trying to act normal, pretending that there isn't a fucking elephant in the room - an elephant that makes you think of a mattress in the middle of your living room, of sunrays touching his exposed skin, of old pajamas being thrown around and sweat and soft kisses and salty tears dripping down your temples.

You need to know if he also felt that that morning was different. You need to know if he feels the same. Even if he doesn't - even if his heart lays with Yeri or Joy or whoever it might be - you need to know, and you don't care about what the outcome might be. You just can't torture yourself like this anymore.

So you inhale and gulp.

"Jungkook, I was thinking… are you busy after classes?" you ask timidly.

He presses his lips together. "Actually, I am. The boys and I are planning to celebrate the end of the semester tonight."

Mission abort! Mission abort!!

"Why?"

"Oh- it's nothing. I was just…" you can't think of any excuse. "It's not that important anyway. Forget it."

Jungkook looks at you with suspicion. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah! I'm sure. Nevermind."

He still stares at you for a while, frowning.

"You wanna come with us?"

"No!" you shake your hands dismissively. You're not having this super important conversation surrounded by all of his friends. "I'm just gonna bother you guys. It's fine, Jungkook. Enjoy your night."

Jungkook shrugs. He takes his phone from his back pocket for a moment. "Well, I gotta go. I promised I'd pay Jimin lunch."

"Alright."

You start to walk in opposite directions.

“But we can meet tomorrow, right?” You turn around way too fast when you hear Jungkook say, a few steps away from you. He looks hesitant, an awkward little smile on his lips. “I have some stuff to do, but we can see each other at night. After I finish preparing my stuff. We could meet, right?” He visibly starts to look more and more awkward as he speaks. As if his confidence started to vanish. It’s kind of adorable. “You could come to my place. O-Or I could go to yours, I don’t care- I mean, can I?”

Your heart is bouncing crazily inside of you. You don’t notice how you’re mirroring his awkward smile. “Of course, Kook. When did you ever need permission to go to my apartment?”

Jungkook frowns as if he just realized how stupid his ask was. “Guess you’re right. Or maybe we could go out somewhere, right? It’s been a while since we went out, the two of us.”

He’s right. All you’ve been doing for the past months is meet to have sex. You don’t even remember the last time you two did something that didn’t involve getting naked.

“Sure, let’s go out.”

You stare at each other for a few more awkward moments (awkward is a word you’ve been thinking a lot about lately). See, that’s not how things would go between you two back then. Neither of you ever needed to ask previously to go out. You’d just usually drag Jungkook out of his house by force when you deemed he hasn’t been taking enough sunlight (fucking Overwatch). Or Jungkook would call you at 3am because he was bored of playing Overwatch and just realized there was only expired milk and an empty box of cereal in the cabinets because the last time he and Jimin bought food was 2 weeks ago and he’d be like “hey, let’s go to Walmart” and you’d be like “what the fuck Jungkook it’s 3am” and he’d be like “but Jimin’s not home I need help” and you’d be like “fuck you” but twenty minutes later you’d both be on your pajamas pushing a cart inside of an empty Walmart as you barely register Jungkook ranting about how he thinks he’s lactose intolerant because he had diarrhea the last time he ate yogurt.

That’s kind of how things used to go back then.

At the same time you desperately want your relationship to go back to normal, you don’t really hate the way you’re feeling right now.

“Right, I gotta go.” Jungkook snaps out of it faster than you and nods. “I’ll text you later.”

“Okay.”

Again, you turn around and start to walk in opposite directions. Slowly. Hesitantly. Because both of you know you don't want to go. Both of you know you still have a lot to talk about.

But maybe later.

[bby bear]: i kinda want to kill you rn but

[bby bear]: thank u so fcking much

[bby bear]: ily

[bby bear]: bitch

You're smiling so hard that your cheeks might probably start to ache. If Seulgi texted you this, it means things went really well with Irene.

The chatter in the dining hall is nothing but background noise on your ears as you scroll down your boring Instagram feed, the plate just half eaten in front of you. You’re not really hungry. Maybe the stress of studying for finals messed your stomach. The hell’s finally over, at least, and you’re sure that your grades won’t be that bad (Seulgi didn’t want to do anything, but you at least convinced her to study with you. That’s the only thing that got her out of her bedroom. Her zombie state was kinda the reason why you studied so hard).

Some text notifications pop on your screen, but you just swipe them away since none of them are from the person you’re waiting for. All of your friends are planning to go out tonight and some of them are asking if you want to go. No, you don’t. Honestly, you’ve not been feeling yourself these days. Past you would always be up to a party. Past you wouldn’t be having lunch alone in the dining hall - honestly though, you don’t even mind being by yourself. Nothing would make you feel emptier right now than being surrounded by random people. Just one person matters at the moment-

“Hi.”

You almost drop the phone inside the plate when you look up to see who just sat in front of you.

Joy.

Your throat feels suddenly bitter. You have to gulp.

“Jesus, I didn’t even notice you come,” you inhale and chuckle. “How you doing, Joy?”

Joy smiles. “I’m fine.”

She’s lying.

There’s something in the way she looks at you and in the way her smile looks plastic-fake that makes you shiver.

It makes you think that she didn’t even want to be here.

Well, you don’t know about her, but you certainly feel uncomfortable right now. You can’t lie that you’ve been feeling kind of guilty these days because you’ve been fucking the guy she likes in secret, but a big fat load of guilt hit you especially after two days ago. Joy went on a date with Jungkook and barely a few hours later you had him inside of you. And, of course, you had rough sex with him inside of her bathroom. All the while you knew Joy liked him and encouraged her to be with him-

Wow, it’s getting hard to look at her right now.

You really are a bitch. In the beginning you didn’t feel bad because you stupidly assumed there weren’t feelings involved. It was just friends with benefits, right? You even agreed that you could have sex with other people. If Jungkook started dating Joy, of course you’d stop doing it. Also, there was nothing between you two. You didn’t even feel jealousy.

Things changed, though, and at some point you genuinely started to hate this poor girl for breathing around Jungkook. And now you feel guilty because you realized that you like the guy that she told you she had a crush on months ago.

I took a shower this morning, so why do I feel so dirty right now?

A shiver runs down your spine.

The way she’s looking at you… what if she knows-?

“I’m throwing a party tonight,” she says suddenly. “To celebrate the end of the semester. You wanna come?”

You’ve been fucking the guy she likes for months and there she is, being nice and inviting you to her party. You really are a fake ass bitch-

“O-Oh.” You rub the back of your neck. “I, uhm… thanks, Joy, but I’m not feeling very well today. I just feel like sleeping, to be honest.” You chuckle sheepishly again.

Joy nods. “Alright.”

She doesn’t insist. It looks like she doesn’t even care. As if she’s just being polite.

In fact, it kind of looks that she’s relieved that you said no-

“So, how was your date with Taehyung?” She changes the topic quickly. “We didn’t even talk about it.”

Right. She’s talking about the person you don’t even want to think about because there’s only so much guilt one person can feel at once.

“It was fun.” You say. “We had a lot of fun.”

It sounds stupid, the way you can’t even articulate your date with him. You’re not lying - you had fun… kind of.

“Are you dating him now?”

Okay, this is getting strange. Not the question, but the way she asked. You’re 100% sure she’s annoyed by something, and honestly looks uninterested in your current state with Taehyung right now, so why is she asking anyway?

“No, we’re not.” You admit.

Joy stares at you in silence as if she’s waiting for you to say something more, but you say nothing else. Joy then nods. This is getting very uncomfortable.

You feel that she’s about to leave, so you pick up the courage to speak again. She touched this topic anyway.

You know it’s wrong to ask. You shouldn’t. But you’re so curious that you can’t help.

“A-And, uhm… what about you and Jungkook? How was your date?” you try so hard to pretend you’re not dying curious to know.

Joy stares at you in silence again. She isn’t smiling.

“He didn’t tell you?”

What? Is there something to tell?!

“No. Jungkook’s kinda private about this type of thing,” you’re lying, of course, because even if Jungkook didn’t want to, you’d usually annoy him with questions about his dates so hard that he’d end up telling everything that happened.

Joy looks away and quirks one eyebrow. “Oh. I assumed he would have since you guys are so close.”

The way she says so close bothers you.

It’s her turn to rub the back of her neck, her eyes glued on the table - only she doesn’t look nervous. Yeah, she’s annoyed. Joy takes so long to talk that you’re about to repeat your question, but she finally speaks:

“We also had fun. Jungkook really is a sweet guy, right? He did nothing wrong. He’s so polite that it ended up annoying me, honestly. More polite than I would have wanted him to be…” Hah, so they didn’t fuck! Great! “Well, he dropped me home and I invited him to spend the night and all, but… He was very polite. He apologized a lot and said that he couldn’t stay…”

Joy licks her lips. Why the dramatic pause? Say it already, come on!

“He’s also a very honest guy, right?” She chuckled, but she clearly didn’t think it was funny. “He said that he thought I was an amazing person, but things wouldn’t go further than this because…”

For the first time, Joy lifts her gaze and looks at you.

“Because he already had feelings for someone else.”

You’re honestly not breathing anymore.

Joy is watching you very carefully. You’re as stiff as a board.

“Not a fun way to finish a date, right?” She says and chuckles, again, it’s clear she isn’t happy at all. “Anyways, I have to go now. Bye.”

She gets up and walks away before you can even say anything, as if this conversation was being unbearable for her.

Meanwhile, you just sit there. Frozen. Breathless.

He said things wouldn’t go further than this.

Your throat feels very dry out of sudden. Very, very dry and coarse, as if you’ve eaten sand.

Because…

You take the water bottle from over the table and drink it in one big, big gulp, until the bottle is empty and your shaking fingers crushed the fragile pet bottle.

He already had feelings for someone else.

You get up and take the tray so fast that you almost drop everything.

Your movements are fast as you walk out of the busy dining hall, your heart beating loudly on your ribcage, your breathing irregular and your mind working at 200 km/h.

He already had feelings for someone else.

He told Joy this. He dropped her home and told her the truth. He apologized. He… he said he already had feelings for someone else. Jesus Christ. Your heart is beating so fast it feels like it’s going to stop anytime soon.

He- He-

He might be talking about Yeri, a little, hesitant voice inside your mind whispers. Well… sure. You’ve been suspecting it for a good while. But… after Jungkook dropped Joy home and said this he-

He went to your apartment.

He went to you.

You feel the need to stop walking and lean on the corridor’s wall. The world around you is blurred.

What is this feeling bubbling up in your chest? A feeling so strong that it’s almost spilling over? This thing that makes you open the widest smile you ever opened and makes you want to jump around the corridor like crazy?

He came to me. He came to me. He came to me. He came to me.

He came to me!

But-

But there’s still the Yeri possibility.

You need to know the truth. To hear him say it, and you can’t wait another day - not anymore.

You take your phone from your bag and type with shaking fingers.

[you]: hey

[you]: can we meet today?

[you]: i really need to talk to you

Jeon Jungkook is a simp.

He doesn’t like this word. He thinks it’s annoying how people would call a guy a simp just because he’s treating a girl with minimal decency.

But, like. He’s a simp. He knows he is. He took a long time to admit this, but lately his pride has been already so crushed and stepped on by a particular pair of feet that he can’t even bring himself to feel anything anymore.

Actually, no. He has been feeling like shit for a long time. It’s just the alcohol anesthetizing him right now.

That’s just his second bottle of beer and he already feels kind of dizzy. It’s been a while since he last drank alcohol, that’s probably why his resistance feels weak. He makes a mental reminder to not drink too much. Jungkook knows that he gets really talkative when he’s drunk and he always ends up saying stuff he shouldn’t - and today especially he can’t end up saying stuff he shouldn’t with that guy around.

If he knew Taehyung would be here too, Jungkook wouldn’t have come. Yes, he knows he’s being childish. He knows he’s angry at someone that didn’t do anything wrong, he knows that jealousy is bad, he knows that technically he is wrong because he’s been dicking down the girl that he knew his friend liked. He knows all that, alright?!

Jungkook throws his head back and sighs, passing his hand through his hair. A chilling night breeze touches his cheeks; since the inside of the bar was already full and they were too many, everyone decided to sit on the outside part of the bar. Jungkook hasn’t been paying attention to anything anyone around him was saying and neither was he interested. He thought that coming here would make him forget about the things that have been troubling him, but in the end he’s just thinking more about them.

I could excuse myself and go home. He thought. I have a lot of things to do anyway. I wouldn’t be lying.

He feels a hand rest on his shoulder and looks at Jimin, sitting on a chair by his side. The look on Jimin’s face already says everything. Jungkook sometimes thinks that Jimin has telepathic superpowers; how does he always know what’s going on before anyone even says anything?

“You alright?” Jimin asks in a low tone, careful not to call anyone’s attention. The younger one nods.

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I’m not.” Jungkook reassures.

Taehyung laughs loudly from across the table and both of them end up looking at him. Jimin looks back at Jungkook.

Jimin sighs. “You know you can go home if you want to.”

“Yeah.”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Just… don’t do anything stupid.”

Jungkook looks at Jimin and sips a bit more of the beer slowly.

“Yeah.”

Jimin smacks his shoulder and goes back to his previous conversation with Hoseok.

How Jimin always seems to know what’s going on… it annoys Jungkook a lot. He wasn’t supposed to know anything. It’s not like Jungkook told him about his feelings, Jimin just… realized. They were doing grocery shopping one day and Jungkook mentioned how last time he went to Walmart you told him that the diarrhea he had wasn’t because he was lactose intolerant but because the yogurt was expired and then Jimin turned around and simply said:

“You like her, right?”

And Jungkook gasped.

Jimin smirked knowingly and just kept pushing the cart. He said nothing else - but it was as if Jungkook had just confessed his deepest feelings right there.

This happened a little bit after Jungkook and Yeri broke up and kind of made him feel offended. How could Jimin say he liked you? He hadn’t even gotten over Yeri, Jimin knew very well. However, it seems that Jimin is not only a telepath, he can also see the future, because he couldn’t be more right.

If Jungkook’s being honest with himself, some months ago he wasn’t really really sure about what he felt about you. As the “Yeri” scar started to heal he got more aware of his own feelings and actions towards you, but it was hard to sort things out because he was always in denial. That desire to hold you close and hug you and take care of you and not let anyone hurt you anymore? Well, that was just his protective side. You have always been one of his dearest people. Jungkook also knew that he had a little possessive side. He was sure that this feeling would eventually vanish.

Maybe he was also frightened because he knew it wasn’t reciprocal. You never even looked at him in a way that might mean you felt something else for him. He wasn’t going to confess something he wasn’t sure of to someone that definitely didn’t feel anything for him and destroy a life-long friendship.

But oh boy, how things have changed.

They changed the moment you hopped on his lap that night inside his car. Jesus, that first week was hell for Jungkook. He was trying so, so hard to forget the messy drunken memories of his night with you - especially because, the moment he woke up and saw the pure face of terror on your face when you realized what just happened, he thought of how much you regretted that and all of his hopes died right there - the hopes that maybe, just maybe, you could be more than friends.

Yet, he got to taste you again. Two times were all it took to get him addicted.

He couldn’t stop anymore - and it hurt him much more than he would like to admit. He felt that he was being used, even though he let you do it (and he enjoyed it every time, not gonna lie). He felt worthless, he felt angry at himself because he couldn’t stop and because you were so, so fucking stupid, so fucking blind, he felt sad because he watched as your friendship started to slowly die down, and now he feels jealous and guilty because he’s been seeing how Taehyung likes you - how Taehyung even asked him advice to ask you out - and he didn’t stop fucking you anyway.

That day at Joy’s house? It was ridiculous. Jungkook still doesn’t understand what the fuck happened to him, why he felt so angry. Perhaps he was finally getting tired of how dumb you are, how you can’t see what’s right in front of your face.

Just thinking about you hurts now. And Jungkook thinks about you a lot. There he is, surrounded by his friends, where he should be talking and having fun, but he’s too busy thinking about you. In two days he’ll start working for Mr. Choi, his first real job. He should be thinking about it. Not about you.

He can’t stop thinking about your flustered face.

You don’t look flustered that often. Especially not around him.

He thinks this is very intriguing.

What hurt him the most in all this - the thing that made him feel like a piece of shit more than anything - is that he knows you too damn well and he knew that it was never special to you. To you it was just sex, it was just fun; whenever your lips touched you never felt like you were being swept off your feet like he did, whenever you touched him you didn’t feel like just then, in that moment, everything was right - as if the Universe was only created for that specific moment to happen, as if the Universe was expectantly waiting for the moment his fingers ran on your skin freely since the very beginning.

He never felt like this with anyone else. No other pussy has ever made him feel this poetic.

The fact that Jungkook knew you didn’t feel the same was exactly why he couldn’t stop; this would be the closest he’d ever be from you in that sense - and honestly, after he tasted you, he didn’t want to go back to stage one. You were like a drug. You brought him comfort, you brought him bliss. Having sex with you became somehow of a escapist method. But, just like every drug, you started to make him feel sick… so sick that he couldn’t stand to be around you when you weren’t fucking.

He drifted away.

God, he even stupidly tried to move on, but Joy was a foolish try. Jungkook felt bad for using her like this - even though he never even kissed her, he felt that he was fooling her anyway. Going on that date with Joy made everything worse, because he was with that gorgeous, intelligent and lovely girl, but he couldn’t feel anything but fucking empty.

He also realized that you couldn’t be his drug anymore. You deserved much more than that. That’s why he drove all the way to your apartment like a magnet. He preferred to go back to stage one if necessary, if it meant that he could be around you without feeling like a worthless piece of shit anymore.

Of course - things didn’t work out that way.

But that morning- it was different.

Jungkook has to sip more of his beer just thinking about it.

It was different.

It was… quiet, very quiet. Much more quieter than he was used to. And much closer than he ever remembered.

All the times he had sex with you - his body was being pleased, but his soul felt hurt. This time, though, he felt that his whole self was being healed. You didn’t feel like a drug. You felt like a cure.

As if you were connected in somehow of a deeper way.

As if this time, it wasn’t one-sided on his part.

Jungkook can’t stop thinking about it. His pessimistic side tried to convince him that he was being delusional or dramatic (he has this tendency to overthink anyways) and maybe he was, but, again… you don’t usually act flustered, especially not around him. And you’ve been looking flustered around him for quite some now, even before that morning. Sure, your friendship became uncomfortable at some point and he realized that none of you knew how to act around each other anymore, but still…

What about that time you saw a picture of Yeri on his computer?

You looked very, very awkward.

Or how you sometimes seemed bothered when Joy was around. You teased him a lot at that pool party. Jungkook knew you could get kinda kinky sometimes (he knew you liked the thrill of possibly being caught), but that felt like too much even for you.

His pessimistic side once again tried to convince him that he was seeing things. You wouldn’t be acting jealous. You were never jealous of him with any girl. Never. You even encouraged him to be with Joy, right?

What if… what if maybe, just maybe…?

Stop getting your hopes too high, his pessimistic side scolded. You look stupid.

I’ve been looking stupid for a goddamn long time, Jungkook thinks back. His pessimistic side looks back at him with disdain.

Jungkook frowns and looks at the bottle of beer on his hand. This is just regular beer, right? He surely isn’t so drunk that he’s already arguing with himself.

I should probably go home.

Or…

He could go to your home.

You wanted to talk to him earlier today. You looked very hesitant - again, very uncharacteristic of you. It felt like it was something important. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind if he knocked on your door unannounced - wait, you never cared. At least when your relationship didn’t involve rough sex. I mean- you didn’t mind not even when you started fucking, to be honest.

Why do I feel so nervous? I’ve never felt nervous over such a stupid thing. I mean, she’s the same dumbass I’ve known my whole life.

You’re probably home doing nothing. That’s also very uncharacteristic of you. Normal you would be at some club or party right now, celebrating the end of the semester. Normal you would probably have tried to drag him along. Or you’d meet some time during the night when you’re both too drunk to be standing and then you’d end up at 5am at the usual Burger King because you’re both hungry, and the Burger King employees would be staring at you both with anger and disgust because you’re both laughing like stupid and talking too loud and they’ve been up all night and can’t stand two drunk costumers this early in the morning.

It sounds nice.

Jungkook remembers that Seulgi and Irene made up, which means that Seulgi most definitely isn’t home.

Which means you positively are home alone.

Home alone, huh.

Jungkook sips more beer.

This sounds nicer.

But, hey, it’s not like he’s being dirty minded (well, at least not entirely). He really wants to know what you wanted to talk about - and suddenly, he doesn’t feel like waiting until tomorrow. Maybe it’s the alcohol (maybe he really shouldn’t finish this beer), but he wants to see your face a lot right now. Your flustered face. And he kinda feels like holding your face with both hands and kissing you very slowly. And he kinda feels like going very very deep inside of-

You know what? Fuck it.

Jungkook puts the bottle over the table and is ready to get up. His excuse is ready. Nobody’s gonna think it’s strange anyway - Jungkook has actual stuff to do.

But he doesn’t have the chance to move when he notices a person approaching the tables where he’s sat.

He freezes.

It’s you.

You’re looking down at your phone before you lift your head and see the group of familiar faces a few meters away from you. You’re alone.

Jungkook’s heart starts to beat furiously inside his chest. A smile unconsciously increases on his lips. What are you doing here? He didn’t know you’d come. He’s also sure that he didn’t tell you which bar he would come to earlier today. Adrenaline rushes through his veins as a hundred ideas run on his mind in those few seconds; did you feel the need to see him as much as he wanted to see you? Did you have the same idea as him? Were you so eager to see him that you couldn’t wait until tomorrow-?

Your eyes finally cross his.

That’s when Jungkook notices something isn’t right.

You look surprised, then a second later you frown, then you slowly widen your eyes.

He knows you too damn well.

You didn’t know he’d be there, too. You’re surprised to see him. And it looks… it looks like you didn’t want to see Jungkook there.

“Y/N!”

A loud, excited, familiar male voice bursts out.

Jungkook watches frozen in place as Taehyung gets up in a swift movement, holds your face with both hands and kisses you.

Taehyung’s lips are warm against yours. They taste like toothpaste and beer.

The kiss is very brief. Taehyung breaks it alway soon, but still holds your face with his hands. He’s smiling widely.

“You're late, missy!" He says happily.

You're frozen in place.

This isn't happening.

"I-" you stutter. It seems that your brain went into complete malfunction. "I, uhm…"

Your eyes travel back to Jungkook.

He's just watching. Not moving a muscle. No.

No no no no no no.

This can't be happening.

Jungkook wasn't supposed to be here. You thought- you thought he was going to celebrate with his classmates, you didn't expect Taehyung would be here too. No, no. Just no.

You see the exact moment his features get as hard as stone. The way he clenches his jaw tight.

You can't breathe.

When you texted Taehyung earlier, you didn’t really like that he told you to meet him at a bar. A bar wasn’t the right place to have this type of conversation - you also felt bad that you’d probably ruin his end-of-semester celebrations - but you agreed anyway because you desperately needed to make things clear with Taehyung before you had that talk with Jungkook. You decided to do this because Jungkook was honest and fair with Joy; you needed to do the same. You left the worst of the impressions when you let Taehyung kiss you that day. You needed to tell him the truth, or else he’d just suffer more - and you couldn’t be a bitch enough to just dump him by text.

But fuck - you didn’t expect Taehyung would fucking kiss you in front of everyone the moment he saw you!

With the corner of your eye, you see Jimin looking from you to Taehyung to Jungkook very fast, his face going pale as he realizes what just happened. No one else notices that something’s wrong.

Jungkook breaks eye contact with you and gets up from his chair. Jimin looks at him, helpless. You know that expression. He’s angry and- and-

Hurt.

You step away from Taehyung, trying to get control over your body again. It feels like pure frost has filled your veins. “T-Taehyung, I…” Your mouth is very dry again. You clear your throat. “C-Can we talk somewhere else?”

You suddenly hate how oblivious Taehyung is and how touchy he is because it’s clear that he’s moving his arm to hold your hand. What the fuck?! We just kissed once, it’s not like we’re dating!

“Sure. Do you wanna get inside? Wanna get a drink?” He asks with the same happy smile.

You’re trying to think of something to say, but again, someone else behind him gets your attention.

“You’re going this early, Jungkook?” Hoseok whines, oblivious to the whole situation. Jungkook is putting his backpack over his shoulder. He’s looking down, jaw still very tight. Not a word said - yet you could see exactly how hurt he was.

“Yeah. I have a lot to do.” He simply says.

“Aw, come on, man!” Taehyung encourages. “You can stay a little longer!”

If Taehyung was a little less oblivious, he would have noticed the death glare sent in his direction.

“I can’t.”

A shiver crawls over your entire body as the death glare is now directed to you.

He’s so, so hurt.

Jungkook’s walking away.

Stop! You want to scream. You got it all wrong! Don’t go!

But you don’t have the chance to stop him, and Jungkook doesn’t have the chance to walk away, and Taehyung doesn’t have the chance to understand what’s going on.

Everyone turns their heads when they hear a boisterous, scandalous laughter, and the sound of someone clapping their hands dramatically.

Now you’re sure that your veins are frosted. You shiver again - yet this time, it’s pure fear.

It’s Mike.

A very, very drunk Mike.

He looks the worst you’ve ever seen him; his clothes are a mess, his hair has grown a lot, and he hasn’t been shaving lately. His eyes are widened, red and maniac. He stumbles as he walks closer, everyone on the table - and the people on the tables around - stopping to look as he still claps ironically.

“Oh, look at what we have here!” he’s loud. Very loud. “So interesting!”

You notice that Jungkook isn’t walking away anymore - in fact, he comes back a few steps, standing closer to you. His body language has changed. Jimin has also gotten up; it seems that Taehyung might be starting to understand what’s going on.

“This is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a looooong time,” Mike continues. God, he’s drooling. This isn’t happening. That’s not possible.

You watch as some guys come closer to Mike and recognize them as his friends. One of them holds Mike’s arm. “Come on, man. Don’t start a scene. It’s not worth it.” He says in a rather low voice, but you can still hear it.

Mike gets off his grip aggressively. “What do you mean? Of course it’s worth it!” Mike looks at you and grins like a madman. You feel another shiver run down your spine. “Hello, Y/N! It’s been a long time! How have you been?!”

“Your friend’s right.” Jungkook speaks up. “Get out of here.”

“Ooooooh,” Mike shakes his hands as if pretending to be scared. “Look who’s here, too! It’s the bestie! Jeon Jungkook, the best friend your girlfriend could ever have!”

Pretty much everyone on the outside part of the bar is paying attention to what’s going on. They whisper between themselves, looking at Mike, you and Jungkook. You feel so embarrassed that you might as well faint. You feel that you should have said something already, but your brain is still malfunctioning.

“Jeon Jungkook, the friend that will want to fuck your girl so bad, but he won’t because he’s a coward!” Mike screams and laughs like a maniac.

Jungkook steps up closer to Mike in a brusque movement, but Jimin’s fast enough to hold him back. At this point, all of his friends have already gotten up from the table, wanting to stop Jungkook from doing anything.

“Shut up, Mike! Let’s go!” Mike’s friends try to stop him as well, trying to drag him away, but even though he’s drunk, he’s still strong enough to stay in place.

“You think I didn’t know, huh, Jungkookie? You think I didn’t know that whenever I was balls deep inside of Y/N you wish it was you? You always wanted to make her scream like a bitch the way I did!”

At this moment, the fear and shame are overwhelmed by anger. Without realizing, you are the one stepping closer, you are the person who Taehyung has to grab the arm in order to stop. “Shut the fuck up, you son of a bitch!” You hear yourself yelling.

People on the tables around have gotten up - the noise of many chairs scraping the floor getting louder than the worried voices of the people trying to get away from this mess. You hear someone - a guard from the bar, maybe - threatening to call the police, but you can’t pay attention to him.

“Oh, but that’s exactly what you are! A whore!” Mike yells back. “You got so sad that I cheated on you, but haven’t you been doing the same to me?! You think I didn’t see you two inside the car that night?!”

That night… in the car…

Did he... ?

You freeze again when you see Mike pointing at Taehyung.

“Hm, you’re Taehyung, right? Are you dating her now? Well, be aware of her best friend right here, unless you like sharing your girl! But Jungkook likes leftovers, right, Jungk-?”

He doesn’t finish the sentence.

Jimin isn’t strong enough to stop Jungkook from jumping over and landing a punch on Mike’s nose.

There’s yelling and the sound of tables turning as a whole lot of men try to stop the fight and glasses breaking and Jungkook screaming incomprehensible things as he holds Mike’s collar and punches once, twice, three times, and then Mike’s mouth and nose are bleeding, and Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung are trying to get Jungkook off Mike but it seems that not even the three would be enough to stop him.

You’ve never seen Jungkook so mad. It scares you because Mike is too drunk and can’t defend himself - but you’re not scared for Mike, that fucker can die -, you’re scared of what might happen to Jungkook.

So, when Jimin and the others drag Jungkook away as he still tries to free himself violently, you somehow squeeze yourself between them to hold Jungkook’s arm.

“Jungkook, stop!”

The black-haired man looks at you, his eyes red with rage in a way you’ve never seen before.

You didn’t notice that, in your despair, your eyes filled with tears. This is probably what makes Jungkook stop for a moment.

“Enough! I called the police! Everyone out of the bar!”

A siren can be heard from far.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” Jimin yells.

Another mess as everyone grabs their things and to try and run out of the bar - even the people that weren’t involved. You see that Mike hasn’t fainted as his friends grab him out of the bar in a rush.

Jungkook has to get out of here, it’s the only thing on your mind. Jungkook thinks the same apparently, because he’s quick to take his bag from the floor and jump over the bar’s fence to the sidewalk. You assumed that he didn’t drive his way here because he knew he would drink - which means he had to run.

Your only instinct is to follow him.

You jump over the fence too, much more clumsily than him. Jungkook is already running down the street.

As you’re about to follow him, you hear someone call your name.

It’s Taehyung.

He’s standing on the sidewalk as customers run out of the bar. And the look on his face crushes your heart.

I am the worst person in the world.

“Y/N, what he said… is it- is it true?” He asks quietly.

You open your mouth as if to say something, but nothing coherent comes out of it. The guilt rushes with adrenaline through your veins. You knew he would be hurt, but it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It wasn’t.

“I-I’m sorry, Taehyung,” is the only thing you can stutter.

You don’t see what face he makes next - both because you can’t take it, and because you’re already turning around and running down the street after Jungkook.

Jungkook is the only thing on your mind.

You can’t let him go away like this.

You run through the busy streets full of bars. As usual, they’re crowded with people. Some of them look at you running like crazy when you pass by, but you can’t stop running because you can still hear the sirens.

Jungkook has some damn long legs. He runs much faster than you and doesn’t even look back. You can barely breathe and your stomach hurts as you unsuccessfully try to catch up to him. You keep running and running and running until you’re on less busier streets, until the bars are left behind and now you’re on a more residential part of the neighbourhood. As Jungkook crosses an almost empty square, you decided that your body can’t take it anymore. You stop gradually, feeling your entire body scream in pain.

“Jungk- Jungkook!” you yell.

The black-haired man finally looks behind his back and sees you; he widens his eyes in surprise and stops.

“Why are you-?”

He doesn’t have the time to finish his sentence as the sound of the sirens get closer. You immediately start to run again and this time - instead of running in front of you - Jungkook waits until you get closer to grab your hand, forcing you to run faster. You two cross the square and run into a stair alley with houses on both sides. It’s quiet here. Jungkook crouches down behind a big trash bin, making you crouch down as well.

You both make as much silence as possible (considering you’re both panting heavily), both sweating, and wait until the sounds and lights of the police siren go away.

After maybe five minutes Jungkook gets up again, dropping his backpack on the floor. He cleans the sweat on his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt; you rest your hands on your legs, trying to recover your breath. Your stomach hurts as if it has been stabbed. Maybe I should start working out.

You notice that Jungkook’s right hand is hurt; his knuckles are swollen and bleeding a little. He frowns in pain as he analyzes it. “You- you’re hurt.” you stupidly stutter. Jungkook shakes his head.

“It’s nothing.” He says in a low voice. “I said I would beat him up if I saw him…”

Out of instinct you step closer to him, worried, and lift your hands to hold his swollen one.

But Jungkook steps back before you can even touch him. He literally flinched away from you.

It feels like an arrow has just buried itself in your heart.

He’s not looking at you.

“Jungkook-”

“No.” He shakes his head again. He’s breathing heavily as if trying to calm himself down. “Don’t… don’t say anything. Please.”

It’s getting so difficult to breathe. Jungkook puts his hands on each side of his waist, staring at something on the floor - clearly avoiding your pleading gaze.

“But Jungkook, I… you didn’t…” why the hell can’t you speak a coherent sentence anymore? That’s why you followed him all the way. You must make things clear, but seeing his face right now makes you hesitate. Jungkook looks genuinely angry; you’ve never seen him like this, ever.

He throws his head back, looking at the sky, and lets a very dry chuckle past his lips. His expression tells you everything you need to know - he’s tipsy, not entirely drunk.

“You know, I don’t even understand why I’m angry.” You’re not sure if he’s talking to you or to himself. “There was never anything real happening, right? We were never real.”

You feel yourself choking on your own words. What does he mean?

“Jungkook, you have to listen to me. I just wanted to talk to Taehyung-”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, Y/N!” He interrupts and finally gazes you back with bloodshot eyes. “We’re fuck buddies, right? It’s just for fun, right? No real feelings involved. It’s not like we’re supposed to care.”

Tears start to make your sight blurred. Each word of his sound more and more bitter, more sad, more hurt, and it feels like someone has buried the arrow in your heart deeper when you realize that his eyes are getting teary, too.

“Stop saying that. You know it’s not true. You’re the person I care about the most in this world-”

“If you start saying how I’m your best friend I’m leaving you right now.”

You frown and blink, trying to dissipate the tears. “B-But it’s true-”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N! I’m in love with you! Stop acting like you don’t know that already!”

It feels like your brain and your limbs and your lungs stopped working all at once.

Did he… did he just…?

Jungkook exhales heavily. He looks so tired. He rests his back against the wall in front of you, once again avoiding your gaze.

Something tells you that this should have been a happy moment. Deep down, you feel the pure bliss and excitement and it feels like your heart will combust - because you finally heard the words you wanted to hear the most coming directly from his mouth, you finally understood everything; he felt the same, the fucking same.

Yet, all the happiness is being overwhelmed by worry.

You’re watching him intently. You know the man in front of you better than you know yourself. You’ve never seen this expression before - this mix of anger and hurt have never been directed towards you. You’re scared because you don’t know what it implies.

It’s his breaking point.

He might be giving up on you right now.

You don’t know what to say. For a long moment, you just stare at him as he tries to calm himself down - always avoiding your gaze. It seems that words won’t come out of your mouth no matter how hard you try.

“Since when?” is the only thing you can whisper after a long time.

Jungkook shakes his head and lets yet another lifeless chuckle. “I don’t know.” He says in a low, broken voice.

Your fingers are shaking as you close your hands in tight fists. He needs to hear the truth.

“Jungkook.” Yet again, you hesitantly step closer. Your voice is fragile, pleading. “You got it all wrong. Please, you have to listen to me. Today, I-”

“Yeah, I know I got it all wrong from the start.” He interrupts you again. Shut up!, you want to scream. Let me fucking speak!

However, you can’t speak anymore when you notice the tears dripping down his face.

Jungkook is crying.

It’s your fault.

He passes both hands over his face as quickly as the first tears started to fall and sighs heavily. He takes his bag from the floor and shoves it over his shoulder again, turning around before you can see his face again, before you have the chance to say anything.

“I’m going home. You should go home, too.”

And he starts to walk down the stairs way too fast.

Your body is moving before your mind registers and you try to catch up to him. “Jungkook, wait-”

“Don’t.”

Is the only thing he says without looking back.

This makes you stop.

You watch, frozen in place, as he walks down the stairs. You keep your eyes on him as he crosses the empty square again. He’s almost running.

He wants to get away from you as soon as possible.

You know Jungkook too well. You know that, even if you followed him, even if you insisted, he wouldn’t want to hear you anyway. He’d probably despise you even more. This is what made you freeze.

You suddenly feel your legs get weak and sit down on the stair steps. Not only your legs, actually. All of your limbs feel heavy.

You don’t remember the last time you cried like this. The unstoppable tears just coming and coming and the sobs barely let you breathe.

You’re crying because you’re ashamed of what just happened at the bar - how Mike made you feel humiliated in front of all those people. You’re guilty because you weren’t honest with Taehyung and now there’s no way back - you let him believe in whatever he wanted to believe instead of making things clear, and now he’s hurt.

And the worst of all.

You’ve been hurting Jungkook so bad for so long without realizing. You hurt the person you cared about the most.

All of it is your fault.

God, it hurts so much.

You know Jungkook too well. He’s the person that has been always there with you for better or for worse. You always knew you’d have each other’s backs no matter what happens; he’s a part of you, the most important, most precious part of you.

This time, you genuinely don’t know what will happen from now on.

This time... you don’t know if Jungkook will ever forgive you.

#btswriterscollective #jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios

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ktheist · 4 years

Text

03 — show me yours & i’ll show you mine | m

➙ muses. seokjin x college student / gamer!reader ft. best friend! taehyung

➙ genre. best friend’s brother au. university au. working au. fwb au.

➙ word. 1.9k

➙ warnings. explicit content, fingering, mild exhibitionism

➙ index. 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | finale | side story 1 |

➙ synopsis. “why are you doing this if you’re not gonna fuck me?”

saturday evening, taehyung comes up to you with a face of a blank canvas, phone in his hand facing the ceiling and relays the news of his break up.

you’re in the middle of watching a show with his two brothers on your laptop.

“wh-what?” is all you manage to say whilst namjoon and seokjin freeze in their spots.

“i broke up with her,” taehyung’s shoulderline rises as he casually shrugs.

“but why?” deep down, you have an inkling - but your mouth moved on its own before you can even stop it.

“cause she was shit talking you,” and with that, he twirls around, heading back to the hallway where one of the doors connect to his room.

and just like second nature, your body shoots up, trailing after the slumped man like a mother to her pupper.

“you guys watch without me,” you briefly say to the two men on the couch, their faces scrunching with growing concern.

for the first time in a long time, you and taehyung bare your hearts to each other. talked about your fears and hopes and what keeps you going. which is, to an extent, each other and the two brothers. you’re not sure how you fell asleep but you wake up with a leg sprawled all over your stomach and a snoring sound echoing against the wall. the blanket draped over you and taehyung isn’t part of his bedset because one, you and taehyung end up sleeping on top of the sheets and two, you know the only one brother out of the three loves the color blue so much, his bedsheets and blankets are always themed with light cerulean. and this blanket - you’ve definitely seen seokjin use a dozen times.

"hey, morning,” you greet the two brothers whilst they’re unpacking what seems to be takeouts from a store you all collectively agree have no bad item in their menu.

everyone eats just about anything from that restaurant.

“morning, sleepyhead.” namjoon shakes his head, smiling - it’s probably the hair pointing in different directions.

“how’s taehyung?” seokjin asks when you come to sit on the stool next to where he’s standing.

“well, i mean - he’s not in a good place,” you begin, “i know he really liked her. and i know she talks shit about me behind my back and she knows i do too and he’s always caught in between, but he always seemed to brush it off and never take sides you know? so i didn’t think he’d break up with her over it.”

“hey, it’s not your fault,” the hand on your shoulder is warm, seeping into your heart as you examine the sincerity of those brown eyes, down to the reassuring smile of those plump lips.

“thanks for saying that, jinnie,” you want to ask for a kiss (and maybe some dick) but with namjoon - though he’s cluelessly continuing with his task of preparing the takeouts - around, you settle for patting his hand that’s on your shoulder.

after washing your face and returning to the kitchen, you find the previously sleeping-like-a-long giant perched on one of the stools, rubbing the grogginess out of his eyes.

“look who’s up!” a smack lands on taehyung’s back.

the aforementioned man doesn’t even flinch as he takes another second to rub all the sleepiness away before craning his neck to look at your smiling face - it may be a dumb smile but someone’s got to be lifting the atmosphere.

“i thought you left,” he grumbles, before his arm snakes around your waist and brings you in for a side hug.

the recoil is almost automated as your smile scrunches into a cringe, arms flailing to push him away and at least get a few inches gap in between,“ew, what the hell.”

“i’m sad! gimme a hug,” he laments whilst namjoon laughs, commenting something about how “adorable” the two of you are and how it “...reminds me of the good old days, you know?”

he means when you and taehyung aren’t as resistant to skinships.

but all your attention goes to the eldest brother whose glance lingers a second too long before he tears his gaze off from you and taehyung.

it turns out that little bitch tried making taehyung choose between you and her after he’d texted her (in an attempt to placate her jealousy-prone heart) about how you’d opted to room with seokjin in yesterday.

give them and inch and they’ll take a mile.

“i should’ve known,” taehyung shakes his head, bags heavy under his eyes as he lies in his bed, cocooned by the light cerulean blanket, “you don’t like her but you like everyone-”

“don’t you go justin bieber on me,” you smack him in the stomach, to which he curls up into a caterpillar, moaning in pain and something about suing for personal injuries.

but the fact that he can complaint at all means that he’s recovered half of himself.

“i’m getting some food from the kitchen, you want anything?” you roll your eyes.

“how bout a new girlfriend?” he manages to say, despite the so called blow to the stomach.

“potato chips it is,” you nod before strutting out of the door.

the hallway is dimly lit, save for the lone light in the ceiling and the slightest bit of gap that allows luminescence to pour out of seokjin’s room. so you knock on the door, leaning against the frame, “hey.”

kim seokjin sits on the chair you previously occupied the night before, round glasses perched on the bridge of his nose as his eyes widen for the briefest second before offering you one of his warm smiles, “hey, how’s taehyung?”

“he’s eating,” you shrug, trying to appear casual even though something in the way his shirt swallows his already broad built and making him appear like you can fight him and win - gets your heart doing flips.

“that’s gre-” he can’t even properly get his response out because you’re already crossing the short distance between you and him, hands cupping his cheeks before smashing your lips against his. as if you haven’t had water for days. as if you’ve been breathing with your head barely above water.

his hands find their way on your hips, kissing you back more delicately than you can ever control yourself. tingles dot your skin from where his hand caresses your elbow and travels up your arm, lingering there, as though forgetting the reason his warning touch.

“i needed that,” you break away only to steal another kiss before confessing.

seokjin chuckles, his hand slipping over to your chest before attempting to pinch your nipple. to which he fails because your padded bra successfully blocks him off.

“oh, you’re wearing a bra?” the genuine surprise gleaming in his eyes should offend you.

“unless you want your brother accidentally touching my nips while we were wrestling each other to decide who gets to use your comfy as hell blanket,” you roll your eyes.

taehyung won, obviously. which explained why he was lying in bed like a human burrito just now.

“i’d have to give taehyung a personal beating if that happened,” the dorky grin and amused glint in his whenever he cracks a not-so-funny-but-adorable joke, isn’t present.

your heart’s always done this thing where it skips with every smile that curls on his lips, yet the lack of it and the underlying seriousness of his tone is making your heart lurch in your throat, warmth spreading all over your body.

“anyways, i need to get taehyung some chips, thanks for the kiss.” you wave but something wraps around your wrist like an iron hold seconds before you find yourself perched in seokjin’s lap and the man dangerously close to you - despite having shared a passionate kiss just a moment ago.

“taehyung this, taehyung that,” his hand slips under your shirt, coarse hand trailing up your back until you feel him unhooking your bra in one go.

like he’s had enough practice in the art of seduction.

“well, he’s the one out of the four of us with a broken heart,” you pray to the constellations and deities that your voice is levelled though it soon proves to be pointless if his other hand’s snaking up your front and hovers over your chest where he could feel the organ beneath beating wildly.

“you’re breaking mine though... with spending that much time with my brother,” he traps your nipple in between his thumb and index finger, caressing, teasing with a smile that ironically has probably broken a few hearts of his own.

“i can fix that,” you beam, finger tracing down his front and down to the waistline of his pants, to which you can’t reach unless you scoot away to allow your hand to -

“not right now,” the sound of wind chimes drum in your ears as he chuckles.

it makes the umpteenth rejection a little less prickly, as you pout, “when?”

“soon,” and with that, he takes your wrist in his hand, making you push your own shirt up until your nipples are bare in the open, “hold this up for me, please.”

it’s the please that gets you.

ever the gentleman even as he’s about to tease you with his teeth against your nipples and his free hand fondling your other breast.

“why are you doing this if you’re not gonna fuck me?” you grunt, displeased, but arch your back anyway to make it easier for him to suckle and bite on your erected nipples.

you’ve always thought his hair looked soft but it’s softer as you bury your free hand in it. at first, it’s just a gentle caress - just like patting a golden retriever. but then as his tongue lapse over your protruded nub and the pressure in his free hand in your other breast grows more intense, you’re surprised he’s not moaning out in pain from the way your hand’s instinctively grasping at his roots.

“ah!” a yelp escapes you when he leaves your left nipple for the other one, biting down harder than you’re used to but not enough to draw blood.

you’re lost in the pain and pleasure of his tongue and apt fingers, where his mouth isn’t sucking on your nipple, his fingers are pinching and groping it. somewhere in the back of your mind, you distinctively remember a midly pressing matter-

“what the fuck?”

something about a heartbroken best friend and an unclosed door.

"t-taehyung!” you gasp, body almost jolting upward like a criminal caught red handed but seokjin’s arms around your body roots you down in his lap as he slowly pulls down your shirt before turning his attention to his youngest brother.

“taehyung, calm down,” he instructs with ease but his wide-eyed gaze is filled with concern.

“this isn’t-” you begin, slipping away from seokjin’s loosened grasp to pad over to your best friend who looks like he’s seen a ghost or his brother and best friend almost-fucking. either one works, “this isn’t what you think.”

“no-” the younger cups his mouth as he doubles over, his other hand held up in the air as if to tell you to “stay the fuck back-”

“oh, come on,” the slightest brush of your nipples against the material of your carelessly-pulled-down bra makes does not go pass you, yet you put your hand on your hip, rolling your eyes, “don’t be so dramatic.”

and that’s when taehyung hurls his guts out in front of seokjin’s door.

note. ooof

i wasn’t sure if this drabble was gonna gain any eager readers. when i say eager, i mean those who look forward to an update, but some of you showed interest and it warms my heart! so here’s to another update! hope yall enjoyed!

taglist. @aretha170 @scalubera @ambersaesthetics !

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depressedhatakekakashi · 3 years

Text

Kakashi Week- Day 2: Hatake Legacy/Au

My Father's Son

Words: 2662

AU: Mafia Au

@kakashiweek

Warnings: Mentions of Blood, Mention of Sakumo's Death

Every time there was someone in need of rescuing from the precinct, without fail, Shikaku sent Kakashi. Even though he had an entire gang full of people that he could use, he always chose to send Kakashi.

Whether it was because Kakashi was able to make even the most seasoned cop tremble at the mere sight of him, or because he was somehow also able to smooth talk his way out of any sort of trouble he was faced with, he wasn’t quite sure. If he had an answer, he’d do something to fix it. To get Shikaku to send someone else, anyone else.

Just not him.

Climbing off of his motorcycle, he headed straight for the police station. As he made his way up the stairs, police officers who had been chatting to each other while watching him from afar scrambled to get out of his way. Desperate to put as much distance between them and Shikaku’s ‘Scarecrow’.

It was these moments that made these stupid little trips worth it. Seeing just how his reputation had bled into every corner of the city, and straight into the souls of cops. The people who would usually stand tall and proud, confident in their freedom to do as they please with the law supporting their actions.

“Pathetic,” he huffed, using his shoulder to shove the door open and stepping into a building that was all too familiar to him. Not just because of all the visits he had made in the past two years to pick up those unfortunate members of Shikaku’s gang who had been picked up by the cops. Sometimes because they had actually done something wrong, and sometimes just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was his job to find out which one it was today. If he had to drag an idiot out of there and scold them for getting caught, or if he was going to have to argue with a cop or two about why they actually weren’t allowed to just arrest someone and throw them into a cell for existing in a public space.

“Look who’s back,” A familiar redhead moved in front of him, her finger poking deep into his chest as she looked at him through the motorcycle helmet that he still wore. “You know the rules. No helmets on when you’re in the building.”

Swatting her hand away, Kakashi huffed. “And you know that I’m not taking it off,” he reminded her. “Can we stop wasting time, Kushina-San? You know I’m here to pick up the man you whisked off of the street in front of the coffee shop on 156th. I’d appreciate if we skipped the argument today and you just handed him over.”

“Mmm, sorry Can’t do that,” Crossing her arms over her chest, Kushina smirked up at him. “See, we actually have evidence on this one. His fingerprints were all over the knife we found at a crime scene a few days ago and…”

“Do you have enough proof for a conviction?”

“I…what?”

“You heard the question,” matching her stance, Kakashi watched as she narrowed her eyes. “Do you have enough proof for a conviction? If not, then you might as well release him. We all know you’re not going to find the proof.”

Kushina opened her mouth for a rebuttal, but before she could get a single word out a hand came down on her shoulder. Pulling both of their attention to the smiling blond now standing at her side. “Now, I think that’s a rather unfair assumption, but it doesn’t matter,” Minato responded with his usual cool demeanour. An attitude fitting a Police chief. “We can’t just release a suspect to you because you walk in here looking intimidating, Scarecrow-san.”

It was always interesting hearing the ‘San’ after his nickname. Like the Chief of Police was trying to show him some respect, even knowing that he was a member of Shikaku’s gang and a feared name among other gangs.

“And why can’t you?” he asked, dropping his hands to his side and resting the right hand on his hip. “If you have solid evidence against him, I’ll just bring him back.”

“And you think that’s enough?” Minato chuckled. “The word of a man that half of my officers would love to see behind bars?”

“Are you saying that you don’t trust me, Minato-san? I’m hurt. I thought we were starting to build a trusting, open relationship,” The sarcasm is so thick that he’s pretty sure even the dumbest cop in the room could hear it. “What if I give you my word? If you can actually produce evidence to prove he did something wrong, I’ll bring him back myself.”

After all, what use was a person if they weren’t careful enough to clean up after themselves? If what Kushina was saying was true, the bastard was already in trouble for leaving behind a knife with his prints. There’s no way that Yamato approved him for the big jobs before making sure he learned not to be a careless idiot.

“Again, that’s just words,” Minato sighed. “I have no proof that you’ll keep your word. For all I know, you’ll get him out of here and immediately transfer him far away so that we never see him again.”

Proof. That was a hard thing to come up with on the spot, and there was no doubt that Minato knew that. That he was counting on his failure to produce the kind of proof that would work for him. Something that would actually give him even the tiniest bit of trust in the man standing in front of him.

Glancing over the Police Chief's shoulder, Kakashi focused on the wall on the other side of the room. There, for everyone to see, a fine selection of pictures on display. Past chiefs that had done their duty and retired. Spending the rest of their days in a comfy home with family surrounding them until they finally died of old age. Each of them dressed up in their best uniform with a smile on their face and a proud look in their eyes.

Though there was one picture that stood out among them all.

It didn’t stand out because of the way the Police Chief looked in the picture. For any random passerby, he was the same as every other picture on the wall. A proud man doing his duty, protecting the city that he loved so much.

Behind the smile though, there was a story that only a few knew. One of a life cut short with bullets and blood. Of a child standing over his father’s body, blood staining his tiny fingers as he cried for help.

A story that was known among the officers of this station. Whispered among each other as they stared upon the child sitting outside of his father’s office waiting for someone to come pick him up. To claim guardianship over a boy who had lost everything, and had no one.

“I have proof,” he spoke softly, his hand leaving his hip and coming up to undo the buckle under his helmet. The room around him suddenly went quiet, all eyes turning towards him as he undid the buckle. Even Kushina had her full attention on him now, eyes wide as she watched him grab the underside of his helmet.

As he pulled the helmet off, his hair fell free. The long silver ponytail falling against his back was met with gasps, and as the helmet slides off he can feel the tension in the air. Thick enough that he’s certain he could cut it if he felt the urge.

“S-scarecrow…” Opening his eyes, he met Minato’s gaze. A soft smile on his face that looked nothing like the one in the picture. A smile he had been told many times growing up resembled his mother more than anyone. “I-“

“I think you know that’s the wrong name,” He offered, sunken eyes focused on the police chief. “Though, I guess you wouldn’t know any better, hmm?”

Scanning the room, he focused on one of the many cops that had been so afraid of him moments ago. Watching him with cautious eyes as he made his way into the station, and never letting him out of his sight.

“Ahhh, you’ll know it,” he smiled at the older man, chuckling when his words were met with stuttered confusion. “Come on, don’t tell me you forgot. It hasn’t been that long, has it?”

Twenty years. It would make sense if they had forgotten his name, it wasn’t like they had ever cared to remember it even when he made daily trips to the station before his father took him to his school. Most of them would simply pat his head and smile down at him, perhaps offering him a cup of water or a treat while he waited outside of the office while his father quickly sorted out his day.

“K-Kakashi.”

He was actually surprised to hear his name being spoken. Not just because someone managed to remember it, but because of who it was who had spoken it. Out of everyone in the room, he didn’t expect to hear his name from Kushina of all people.

“Kushina, how…”

Taking a step back, Kushina narrowed her eyes. Taking a moment to examine the silver-haired man standing in front of her. Almost as if she didn’t believe that he was real. “When we first started here people always talked about Chief Sakumo and his son,” she explained. “I heard so much about them that I got curious and decided to check out his old files. It didn’t take long to find information on the Chief’s death.”

Rolling his shoulders, Kakashi tried to force himself not to clench his jaw. To keep that same relaxed appearance he always had when he was in front of people. The last thing he wanted to do was show weakness.

To allow anyone in the room to know just how much it hurt, being reminded of his father’s end.

“You were listed as missing, presumed dead,” she growled. “You vanished from foster care when you were twelve.”

“I got bored,” he stated. “There was nothing interesting going on in that place, and the schools weren’t any better. What was I supposed to do? Hang around and become a cop like you?” his mouth burned when he spoke. Anger boiling inside of him. “I wasn’t going to sit around and wait to become another body on the floor.”

“And you think this is the escape you need from that?” Kushina bit back, taking a step forward and poking him in the chest. “You think that this is the life your old man would want for you?”

“Don’t-“

“Afraid of the truth?” She growled, swatting Minato’s hand away when he tried to grab her shoulder. “Scared to face the fact that you turned into the exact type of person your father would be ashamed of? The type of person who made him a body on the floor!?”

Calm shattered.

For the first time in years, Kakashi felt the anger he worked so hard to keep hidden deep inside of himself boiling over. Breaking through the calm facade that the ‘Scarecrow’ was so well known for.

Now wasn’t the time for anger though. The last thing he wanted to do was give Kushina and Minato a reason to put him behind bars. He had worked too hard to get where he was. Struggled and fought too much for his anger to be his downfall.

Taking a step back, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

One

The memories flooded his mind. His father’s smile, the way he’d put a hand in his hair and mess it up, the sound of his laughter. Memories Kakashi had tried so hard to bury. The ones that were better to forget.

Two

His heart beat slowed. Returning to a steady pace and easing the pain in his chest caused by the vibe grip that was his anger.

Three

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks,” He spoke calmly, opening his eyes to meet Kushina’s gaze. The anger still boiling deep inside of him. Fighting to get out even as he tried to push it back down into hiding. “He’s not here.”

Four

“You can’t seriously-“

“Kushina.”

` Five

Finally the anger gave in, allowing him to shove it back into that small corner of his soul where it always sat, waiting for him to find a quiet deserted place to let it out.

“What my father would have wanted for me holds no weight over my life,” he continued. “He’s dead. He has been dead since I was a kid, and if anyone in this room had wanted me to have a different path perhaps they would have done something about it themselves.”

Eyes darting around the room, he watched as every single cop diverted their gaze away from him. Shame evident in all of their eyes.

“Now, I believe the issue we were talking about was my trustworthiness,” he continued, finally meeting Minato’s gaze once again. “You said you needed proof that I would keep my word. Do you have that proof now?”

Bright blue eyes stared at him, only breaking eye contact long enough to flick back towards the picture of Hatake Sakumo hanging on the wall before returning. “Alright.”

“What!?” Kushina spun around to face Minato, her eyes wide with surprise. “You can’t be serious. Minato if he leaves we’ll never see him again!”

Sighing, Kakashi directed his attention back to the red-head. “I told you, didn’t I? If you find any substantial evidence against him, I’ll bring him back myself.”

“There’s no reason we have to trust you,” She snapped. “You’re a thug, Scarecrow.”

Hearing his nickname being used once again, Kakashi sighed.

“I am also the Son of Hatake Sakumo,” he stated firmly. “Regardless of what you think of me, that fact will always stand above all others. And as much as I hate every single coward in this room-“ murmured protests filled the station. Words of anger and aggravation spoken just low enough that Kakashi could barely make them out. “I will never disrespect my father so much as to lie to the person who took his job.”

Kushina’s mouth hung open, no words leaving her lips for the first time since he had walked through the door. For once, Kakashi had managed to stun her into silence, and the feeling that came from that knowledge was beautiful.

When all was said and done, he was going to enjoy bugging her about this moment for years to come.

“Fine,” straightening herself up, she met Kakashi’s eye. “I’ll hold you to that.”

A challenge. He could handle that.

“You know how to get hold of me if you do end up finding anything, right?” Watching as Minato signalled to one of the other cops, Kakashi allowed his eyes to wander over. Lingering on the officer as he made his way towards the back where all of the cells were. “Of course, if you’re having trouble contacting me you can always stop at my favourite Coffee shop. I could always do with a free cup while you’re proving his guilt to me.”

As if the last five minutes didn’t exist, vanishing into distant memory, Kushina squared off on him once again and started arguing about ‘not buying gang members coffee’ and ‘having better things to do’

Statements that Kakashi knew were bold-faced lies. Kushina would buy him a coffee even while complaining about him being a cheap bastard and saying she had better things to spend her money on, and as much as she refused to admit it she would love every second of it.

Because if Kushina didn’t have him to challenge her, she’d be bored. They both knew that even if they would never say it out loud.

#Mafia Au #hatake kakashi #kushina uzumaki #minato namizake #kakashi week 2021 #Kakashiweek2021 #Kakashi week fic

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xpeachesncream · 4 years

Text

acquainted | eleven

> series masterlist | series playlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: jungkook x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.0k

warnings: cussing, mature language, soft sex with seokjinnie

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead @bluesharksandfish@photographic-girl @yonkoghan @moonchild1 @thebeebi (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

Los Angeles.

You haven't been to Los Angeles in years, probably the last time being a family trip to Disneyland when you were younger. It felt surreal being here, but there was no turning back. You were here and you were going to be spending the weekend with Jin. You had simply told Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung you were going to visit home to be with your family, Ryujin obviously already knowing what the truth was. She was worried, and begged for you to be careful first and foremost. But, she knew she couldn't stop you. After all, this was your decision and your decision only. If there were any repercussions, that was all for you to deal with.

LAX was crowded as hell, your Uber taking almost 30 minutes to leave the airport itself. Jin had insisted on picking you up, but you felt bad that he would have to make the journey being that he already paid for your flight over. It was nearing 8pm, and the ride was still going to take close to an hour since Jin's hotel was in Anaheim. You almost fall asleep on the way over, exhaustion from work and classes hitting you like a truck. You were just ready to get in bed and cuddle.

You finally arrive after what seems like forever, immediately making your way up to the room number he sent you. After knocking a few times, he swings the door open, revealing him in a simple white tee and black sweats. His hair wasn't gelled and messily fell to its sides, strands almost poking his eyes.

"Hey." You smile at him, but he says nothing and instead engulfs you in a tight hug.

"Finally." He speaks up, his hands gently rubbing your back. When he pulls away, he cups your face and places a soft kiss on your lips.

"I know, t'was a long journey over from the airport."

"Sorry, love." You set your duffle aside against the wall, observing Jin's huge suite. There was a small kitchenette against the wall after the initial entry walkway. A small couch sat in the middle, facing towards the bed, with a coffee table in front and a love seat to the side. The bed itself was about queen sized and faced the wall that was entirely windows, if not draped with the curtains. In front of the bed was a drawer with a tv and a desk next to it. The view straight ahead was Disneyland, where you were sure you'd catch the fireworks from where you were at. Off to the side were double doors that led to the bathroom.

"Jeez, do CFOs always get this kind of treatment?" He chuckled as he plopped onto the bed, one heel planted on the bed with the other leg falling off the edge.

"Mm, maybe?"

"Damn, sign me up." You say as you hang your jacket in the closet next to his.

"Hungry?"

"Starving."

"I ordered you some food." He nodded towards the desk.

"Thank you." You give him a toothless smile before unzipping your duffle to get yourself washed up in the bathroom first. You sat your toiletries against the counter and threw on an oversized shirt and unmatching fuzzy socks, not really giving a damn how you looked right now. It wasn't too cold in the room, and honestly, you were just more worried about getting into something comfy after the journey you've had. You fixed your hair as you were exiting the bathroom, Jin smiling as he catches sight of you walking over to your food. "Yes?" You ask, your eyebrow cocked up.

"You're cute."

"What's wrong with it?" You look at yourself up and down, noticing he's eyeing your socks.

"Nothing." He shakes his head. "Eat your food so you can come over here and join me." You open the lid to the room service platter, seeing steak, mashed potatoes and veggies, along with a side of cheesecake for dessert. Shit, if this is the treatment you were going to get, you couldn't be mad at all. You quietly cut your steak and begin to eat, rolling your chair slightly away from the desk to watch the movie Jin has on. Inception. It was one of your favorite movies, and a movie you definitely don't get tired of watching even after the numerous times you've done so. You're so invested in it that you don't even realize you had cleared out your entire plate without saying a word. He too was super invested that you thought it was cute how his bug eyes kept focus on the tv the entire time.

"Fuck, that was so good." You say before sipping on your water. "Thank you." He smiles toothlessly before patting the space in between his legs.

"Do you want the A/C off?"

"It's fine." You climb onto the bed and in between his legs. He sits up against the headboard, one leg still propped up while the other drooped over the edge. He begins to massage your shoulders, causing you to shut your eyes at how relaxed you're starting to feel.

"Good?" He asks, as you tilt your head forward and nod.

"Mhm." He chuckles, beginning to place gentle kisses on the nape of your neck. You were getting into the massage, slightly feeling yourself getting turned on by his touch, until the fireworks began to pop off in your view. You opened your eyes and ran straight to the window, Jin chuckling behind you. "Oh shit! Oh my god! It's so pretty!" You stand in front of the window, watching the fireworks show, instantly missing Disneyland and its glory. Jin wraps his arms around your neck, planting a kiss on the side of your head as you rest your hands on his arms.

"What do you wanna do tomorrow?"

"That depends on when you're free, right?" You chuckle, keeping your eyes on the show.

"I'm free by 3:30. I'll come back here though, then we can get going to wherever you'd like."

"Anywhere?" You cocked your head to the side to look at him as he nods.

"Just say the word and we'll go. Except, there is one restaurant I wanna bring you to for dinner. That's the only exception." You nod.

"Fair enough."

Sooner or later, the fireworks are done for the night and Seokjin is on top of you, planting kisses along your neck and jawline as your hands grip onto his hair. For some reason, tonight feels a little different than the usual fuck session you have with Jin. He has never treated you wrong or made you feel like he was just using you, but tonight his emotions were at an all-time high and you felt it in the way that he kissed you, hugged you, touched you. His touch was gentle and soft, and this was escalating into something sweeter than the usual, rough, filthy sex you both end up having. He's removing your clothing, marveling at your already exposed breasts underneath the shirt. He lets out a breathy moan before he removes his shirt and sweats, bearing some of his weight as he lowers his body onto you once more. The kisses are affectionate and slow. Your tongue is dancing with his, making you moan into the kiss the more it deepens. He removes his hardened member from the barriers of his boxers, pumping it a few times before he taps it against your wet pussy. You hiss while he watches you plead with your eyes, begging for him to enter without saying a word. He slowly inserts his tip, letting out a small moan as he feels his cock being enveloped by your walls, coating him nicely and warmly. Your heels are planted onto the bed as he rolls his hips into yours, deeply thrusting slowly into your core. His hand is gripping your thigh every time he rolls into you, his other hand gripping the top of the pillow below your head. Your hips begin to mimic his motions, causing you to lightly arch your back at how good it feels to have him slowly bury himself in you like this. You moan against his mouth, his eyes never leaving yours as he watches your facial expressions change.

"Gonna cum." You spit out as your hips are continuing to work into his. You grip onto his chin, bringing his lips down onto yours as your aggressively kiss him and push your tongue into his mouth. He moans as he slightly picks up the pace, causing you to break the kiss. "Ohhhh, shit. Jin." You bite onto your bottom lip, feeling your high escalating until it pushes you over the edge. "Ohhhhhhhgod, fuck." You groan, gripping onto the sheets as your back arches and your body slightly trembles.

"Shit." He says, your reaction enough to send him over. You watch as he shuts his eyes as he buries his head in the crook of your neck, thrusts hard and slow to let him ride out the rest of the high. He stays there for a minute, allowing you to massage your hands into his hair and plant kisses onto his cheek. He finally rolls over, pulling the sheets over your bodies while you both are trying to regulate your breathing. He doesn't say anything as he pulls you onto his chest, caressing your arm as you get comfortable listening to his heartbeat against your ear. "Y/N."

"Hm?"

"I'm happy you're here with me."

"Me too." You say softly, his hands gently working their way in your hair.

Before Jin left early this morning, you remember him placing a kiss on your temple before whispering that he'd be back soon. You had slept in for a little longer, getting up close to lunch to see Jin's note on the night stand.

Order what you want, charge it to the room.

You smirk to yourself, knowing damn well you still wouldn't order a ton because you'd feel guilty. However, it's no lie that having the option to was kind of nice. You get washed up and throw on some baggy sweats and a crop tank while waiting for your breakfast platter and fruits to arrive to the room. You still had a couple of hours before Jin would be back, so after eating, you take the shuttle over to Downtown Disney to explore a little bit and get some air. Obviously, the souvenirs were quick to catch your attention, with the added bonus of Starbucks being right next door to the World of Disney shop. You feel yourself getting into your feelings because how cute would it be to spend time with Jin at Disneyland?

Then you remember that you aren't a couple.

You still don't really know what this is. Somehow, you're hoping that's what he'll help resolve later tonight at dinner. It's either you go or Grace goes, right?

After spending money on souvenirs for yourself and your apartment, you happily take the shuttle back with a bag of beignets in your hand. Jin would be back in the next hour, so you figured you could start getting yourself ready for the rest of the day. You throw on a brown ribbed bodycon dress with black knee high boots and a leather jacket. It was a simple outfit, but it made enough of a statement that you hoped Jin liked the way you dressed.

And he does. He truly does. It's probably one of the things he really likes about you - the fact that you dress up even if it's for an ice cream run. You still looked cute and you put in the effort. He thought it was sexy and attractive as hell. He walked into the room seeing you dressed, fixing the remaining touches to your hair. You spotted him through the bathroom mirror standing there, looking at you with so much admiration. He began to loosen his tie as he walked towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist before planting a kiss on your head.

"You look beautiful." He says softly, making you smile into the kiss he planted on your cheek. "Let me change, then we can head out, okay?"

"Sounds good." You respond as you make your way out into the room. You made sure to text Ryujin back, letting her know the weekend had been going well so far and that she shouldn't worry too much. It didn't take long for Seokjin to get himself into different clothes, him donning a sweater, slacks and boots. It wasn't long before you were hopping into his rental coming out of the valet and driving towards Santa Monica. He had fulfilled your wish of walking around, shopping and spending time at the pier. You were able to catch Jin's goofy side along with his infamous dad jokes, especially playing the pier games just to win you a small prize. You were also able to hear his voice and how he too liked to sing. He had a very strong voice, and differed from Jungkook's, however, they both sounded completely angelic and both were soothing to listen to. You were seeing a completely different side of Seokjin - not the one in class as your professor, not the one you'd see strictly in bed, but an entirely different side of Seokjin that seemed comfortably himself.

For dinner, you two were seated in a rather fancy, dimly-lit prime rib restaurant. Seokjin hopped out of his car at the valet and took you straight to the host to get seated. Two glasses of the finest red wine that they had were poured while you both waited for the food to arrive. You looked at him over your glass as you took a small sip of the smooth, bitter red wine, slightly smiling to yourself at how incredibly delicious his side-profile was.

"What?" He chuckled, his chin resting on his firmly clasped hands.

"You're just really handsome."

"Yeah?" He smiles, his dimples beneath his eyes making an appearance. "Thank you."

"You didn't have to take me here." You looked around, a little worried about how expensive this place was.

"I didn't have to, but I wanted to."

"What's the occasion?" You asked, not really sure how to ask the question of what now? Where do we go with this? You watch as he takes a sip of his wine before he takes another look at you and licks his lips.

"You."

"What about me?"'

"I'm just happy we got to do this. And uh, I know our situation isn't the best but I want to reassure you that this is where I wanna be."

"But--" He already knew what you were going to say. You looked at this left hand, noticing that he hadn't worn his ring in such a long time. You don't even remember the last time you've seen it.

"When we get back, I'm going to break things off with Grace." He flatly says. "Look, I-I-" He paused and sighed. "First and foremost, me and Grace just haven't worked out for awhile so this is what I have to do for myself, regardless of our situation." He asks for your hand across the table, which you gladly give. You watch as he gently caresses the top of your hand with his thumb before looking back up at him. "I'm in love with you, Y/N. And I know where I wanna be. I wanna do this with you. But you know I would never force you into something that you don't want, or aren't comfortable with." You knew what he was hinting at. You knew he was talking about Jungkook, but he didn't know how to straight up ask you what your plans were with him. This was all new to him.

"I want this with you too." Is all you respond with, because it is true. You've wanted this for awhile, no matter how many times you've tried to push it aside and suppress your feelings. No matter how many times you've promised yourself and Ryujin you'd keep your distance. Jin was what you wanted. He brought your hand up to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the top before gently caressing it once more. The food arrived, the waitress placing the plates down in front of you two. The rest of dinner is a little quieter, you and Jin chiming in every now and then about the food or about plans for the upcoming week, how his conference was, etc.

The last stop was the Griffith Observatory, both you and Jin just wanting to be in each other's presence while looking at the view of Los Angeles in the night time. You were just happy, honestly. Both of you. You didn't think it could get to this point, yet here you were. You didn't have to hide anymore, nor did you have to suppress those feelings. You could just welcome it.

And so tonight is the last night until the next time that you could be in his arms, cuddling and taking in his warmth. You couldn't wait until you could do this again. You both got ready for bed, turned off the lights and cuddled in the dark, the only lights coming in were from the city lights outside. Jin held you closely as part of your body rested on his. His hand caressed your back, drawing small circles every now and then while you kissed him slowly and passionately. It didn't escalate into anything more no matter how deep or intense the kisses became, because all you wanted was to kiss him, take him in. Be in his arms.

Be still.

The next morning comes quick and you really don't wanna fly back home. The flight is only a quick hour back, Jin holding your hand the entire time and pulling you close every moment he could get. Jin has his car parked in the airport lot, which is only a tram ride over and a few steps out of the station. He held your hand as he threw your duffle on the top of his luggage and pushed both belongings towards his car.

"Seokjin." You both pull your gaze from each other towards the cars ahead.

Grace.

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scarletwinterxx · 4 years

Text

Timeless pt. 6 - Doyoung AU

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2020 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART TWO.5 || PART THREE || PART FOUR || PART FIVE || PART SIX || FINALE

Doyoung motioned for me to go ahead so I did, him following closely behind. The place looked the same, if anything it looked like no one lived here. The place was spotless, furniture's looks unused, the only sign that someone’s living here are the shoes by the front door and the few fruits on the basket.

I continued to look around, not noticing that Doyoung was now standing beside me and waiting for me to say something

“Oh I uh- I didn’t really think this through” I mumbled, nervously fidgeting with my fingers

“Clearly, why don’t you take a seat? Do you want anything to drink?” it wasn’t like he was being cold, he just sounded tired.

“Water sounds good, thanks”

With that he walked across his kitchen while I sat by the island, just watching him. I realized I looked a bit creepy just watching him like that so I settled my eyes on my lap.

“Here you go” I hear him say, making me look up. I mumbled a quick thank you.

Doyoung just stayed on the other side of the kitchen island that separated the kitchen and living room, leaning on the counter behind him with his arms across his chest. His gaze never leaving me, I felt tiny under his gaze.

“You know, you said when I come back you’ll be smiling at me” I mumbled, I’m not sure if he even heard me with all the mumbling I’ve been doing. I don’t even know why I keep on mumbling

He let out a chuckle before speaking, “It’s been a long day for me, and clearly I didn’t expect you to be back”

“I didn’t either”

“So why are you back?”

“I just felt like it’s time” I gave him my answer, after that there was just silence.

I know Doyoung has a lot more things to say, questions to ask like he mentioned in his letter but right now no words are really being spoken between us

“Are you okay?” his question caught me a bit off-guard

“Me? Yea I mean as okay as I can be”

“That’s good to hear”

Then silence again

“Doyoung-”

“I-” we both spoke at the same time,

He motioned for me to continue on, “Go on”

“No, you go. Ask away, that’s the least I could do” I couldn’t even look at him, feeling too nervous under his gaze. His silence just added to my fuel to my anxious nerves.

All I heard was him taking his keys from the counter then walking towards the door, that’s only when I looked up to look what he’s doing

“What are you doing?” I asked him

Doyoung had one hand on the door and another holding his coat,

“Somewhere, want to come with?”

“Weren’t we about to have a very serious talk?” I asked back

“We will, I just suddenly felt like going on a trip” he shrugged

I stood up from my seat to follow him, when we got to his car he still haven’t said where we’re going. It looked like we were going away from the city

“Are you okay?” I asked him the same question he asked me, looking over at him I can see he was thinking about an answer to give me

“I’ve been worse, been better too” he answered

“How about now? what do you feel now?” I asked, he gave me a brief glance before looking back on the road

“I’m thinking whether this is actually real or I’m back in my office passed out and dreaming”

His answer broke my heart, I knew I hurt him but hearing him say it hits me like a thousand bricks.

“Sorry” was all I could say, how I wish I could mend what I broke

“The worst part is this wouldn’t be the first time I’ll dream about you being here, with me. Then I wake up and realize you’re still gone”

I tried to discreetly wipe the few tears that escaped, I knew there were some tears that were bound to be shed, I didn’t know it would be this bad

“You should hate me, after what I did. You don’t deserve that”

“No I don’t, but I want to know why you did it” he replied

“Because”

“Because what? You got tired of me? of us? you got cold feet? you were scared? Any reason would be better than having no reason at all”

“Because I love you!” I screamed, catching both of us by surprise. It was the first time I’ve ever said that I loved him outloud.

“You loved me, that’s the reason why you left me? because you loved me?”

“The irony right. There we were, about to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. You would think I would be the happiest girl. I was. Remember when you felt that feeling of being seen for the first time...”

“All our lives, you were all I saw. Even when you didn’t need me, I was there ready to drop everything just incase you do. Even when Joy thinks I’m so stupid for just not telling you I liked you all this time but instead I drank my feelings away and accidentally confessed to you...”

“Even when you were happy with someone else, I was happy seeing you happy. Even then, I was there.”

I wiped the furious tears that are flowing down on my face, trying to suppress the sobs as I try to speak

“I was scared that it wouldn’t be like that for all our lives, I didn’t give myself the chance to see anyone else because you set the standards so high I wouldn’t even look at another’s guy way if it wasn’t you. All the time I was gone, I learned how to love me, I learned to be independent, I learned to live with just me. I’m not scared of being alone, don’t get me wrong. But I also learned that I won’t be able to love anyone else the way I did with you, it’s scary to think you’ll only feel like that once in this lifetime”

“Did you ever think to ask me how I feel?” Doyoung spoke up, his voice softer this time as if he was scared he was going to make me cry if it goes one decibel higher

“You have a tendency to not say what’s on your mind, You keep your distance” I answered, “I knew, I just wasn’t sure because you never said anything”

“You’re right about one part, I might have never said it but in my own ways I tried to show you. Remember when you missed prom? I didn’t want you to miss out so I threw you your own prom night. When you got drunk on your birthday? that was the night I knew I couldn’t keep away from you. You looked at me like I put all the stars in your sky, who else would ever see me like that?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked

“I was scared too, Was it worth risking a lifetime of friendship for my own selfish want? I already had you in my life, I was okay to take what you were ready to give. It just seems like we were both waiting on each other”

How can two smart people be this dumb. I can already hear those kinds of comments from our friends. And I agree, we could’ve avoided all this trouble if only we said what we really felt

“We’re kind of dumb aren’t we” I told him, looking out the window to see the scenery passing by

“We are”

For a while neither of us said anything. The silence didn’t feel heavy this time, the atmosphere didn’t feel suffocating. We still have issues to work through, we’re taking one step at a time.

“Doie”

“Mhm”

“I missed you”

I didn’t hear a reply from him, instead I feel his hand reaching out for mine. Intertwining our fingers together.

After our little drive last night, Doyoung dropped me off at Joy’s place. I felt bad for keeping him out til late last night since he still had work the next day but the hug he gave me told me he didn’t mind. He just held me so tight against him, I can tell he was still trying to figure out if it was a dream.

“It’s too early for you to be smiling, and where were you last night?” Joy asked

“With Doyoung” my answer made her almost spit out the orange juice she was drinking

“Excuse me?! You were with who?”

“Kim Doyoung, you know that tall dude you’re friends with. My supposed to be fiance” I answered

“Okay okay hold up. I’m going to be late so we’ll continue on with this conversation later” Joy said as she pick her stuff from the counter, “You’re staying here tonight right?” she added

“Where else would I stay?” I asked back,

“At Doyoung’s since you’re back together or whatever”

“It’s not like that” I mumbled, and it is the truth. I’m really not sure where our conversations leads us, what we’re calling this relationship or whatever

“Okay well see you later, Bye”

I spent the rest of the day productively. Since I’m moving back here, I was finishing up with my new working arrangements. It was a good thing that the company I worked for had an office branch back here. After talking about my plans to move back here, they courteously allowed me to switch branches.

I didn’t even notice it was already late afternoon when my phone rang, Doyoung’s phone flashing on my screen

“Hello?” I said as I pick up

“Are you free tonight?” his question took my surprise, wondering what got him to ask that

“Uh- I guess?”

“You guess?” he chuckled, “I mean, yes. I really didn’t make any plans tonight. Unless you call ordering take out as plans then yes I’m free”

“How about instead of take-out, you can have some home cooked meal?” his question got me smiling already

“I would never turn down good food, why? Are you cooking tonight?”

“If you come over, then why not” I don’t why but his statement got my blood rushing to my cheeks

“Okay, sounds like a plan”

“Okay, should I pick you up from Joy’s?” Doyoung asked, I could he was enjoying this. I was too. Whatever this was.

“If it isn’t too much bother then sure”

I was never like this but his invitation got me scrambling to the bathroom to get ready, I had to remind myself it was only dinner but I was still nervous. It felt like I was going on my very first date.

The thought making me blush yet again.

After struggling to pick an outfit, an activity that shouldn’t have been as hard as it was, I finally settled with some comfy knitted sweater paired with simple jeans. I tried to make it seem like I’m not trying but still looking cute.

This whole finally confessing to him thing got me feeling nervous all of a sudden.

“Hey, you look flushed. Are you okay?” were Doyoung’s first words when I opened the door for him

“I’m alright, why?” I asked back

“You look so red, are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again, laying the back of his hand on my forehead. For the tenth time today, this guy got me blushing yet again.

“Yep, should we go now yea that sounds good let’s go” I told him so fast then pulled him out of Joy’s apartment.

The ride to his place was less hectic, we just talked about how our day went, what he’s been up to these days, and all that. It was easy to fall in a conversation with him, I admit I missed this too.

As promised he cooked dinner for us, it was nice. Better than I remember, I was suddenly reminded how he used to come to my place to cook us dinner even after a long day at work

“Thank you for tonight, I missed this” I told him, we’re now cleaning up the dishes we used. He insisted that he would just clean it up later but I didn’t want to leave it out. Plus he already cooked for us, it was the least I could do.

Passing him the last plate I washed while he pats it dry. I wiped my hand on another towel and leaned on the counter beside him

“Me too” he was looking down, a small smile on his lips

He looks so adorable I wanted to kiss the little smile on his lips

Wait

I thought, looking around as if someone heard what I just thought of. My eyes as big as saucers.

“Y/N? You okay?” He asked, putting away the last plate on the cabinet beside me head. My eyes following his movements.

“I actually have a question” I answered, now that we’re on this new chapter of our relationship and we definitely learned from past mistakes I’m going to ask instead of guessing like we did before.

“What exactly are we? I know I just got back and we still have a lot to talk about, but it would be nice to know what we are or if you don’t totally hate me”

I looked over at him, waiting for an answer. His gaze wasn’t on me, jaws tense, lips pursed,

I’m starting to think it was a bad idea that I asked when suddenly I was trapped between the counter and his body. My eyes level with his chest. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him yet, so I just stayed frozen. My hands clutching on the counter behind me until it turned white.

“I’m going to throw that question back to you, because I already told you when you’re ready, in your own time, place and pace, come back home. Now that you’re here, I’m not going to let go of you. Are you okay with that?”

Before I could give him an answer he was speaking again,

“We don’t have to go back to what we were before. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to. If we’re going to do this, I want us to do this with just us and no one else dictating what to do with our relationship. Just you and me”

“You and me, I like that” I repeated with a smile.

I feel his hand under my chin, raising it so now I’m looking up at him eye to eye

“I’m sorry it us this long” he whispered

“I’m sorry I walked away” I whispered back, his finger gently caressing my cheek as if I was the most fragile thing

I don’t know if it was just me or the space between us was getting smaller and smaller yet it felt like he was still to far from me.

“I’m never letting go of you now” he told me, his forehead now resting on mine. He was so close to me I could feel his breath fanning my face. I can already tell my cheeks are as red as they could be right now

“Okay”

and with that he closed the gap between us. His lips landing softly on mine.

In that moment I saw our whole history play before, when we were kids playing in my backyard, to our awkward teen years, to getting our college degrees to almost getting married. Our whole timeline replaying in my mind, a smile making it’s way on my lips

When we broke apart, we didn’t dare to break from the hold we had on each other. His arms around my waist and my arms around his shoulders,

“What got you smiling like that?” he asked then gave me a little kiss on the nose

“Just how long it took us to get here, honestly I would do it again if it meant this is where we end up” I mumbled, relaxing in his arms. I’ve never felt more at home.

It doesn’t matter how long it took us to get here because my mom was right, love like ours is timeless. It’s the kind of love that you can’t measure with time. We’ve loved each other on our own ways all throughout the years we’ve known each other. Now we have all the time in the world to give the love we both deserve.

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jayankles · 4 years

Text

The Cat’s Out of the Bag

Pairing: Dean x Reader (Platonic), Eventual Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1361

Warning: partying, mentions of sex

Written for: @spndeanbingo, @spngenrebingo, @goodthingshappenbingo, @spnonewordbingo, @spnfluffbingo, @samwinchesterbingo @spnquotebingo

Squares Filled: Roommates AU, College AU, Big Sweaters, Brother, Roommates Brother, Standford!Sam, free space (“close your mouth, sweetie, you’ll catch flies.”)

Sighing, you took a look around the state of your apartment, or a pig sty you referred to in this moment. You almost whined at how much work you were going to have to do today. When it came to parties, you and your roommate always seemed to forget about the aftermath of the greatness that came the night before.

After smacking your head on the wall a few times, you snapped out of your stupor and headed back to your room, this was definitely a moment for your cleaning playlist. Unfortunately, you still hadn’t made one yet so you would have to stick to shuffle for now. As much as you wanted to leave this place as it was, you knew you couldn’t. It would absolutely drive you crazy,you would much rather get the cleaning over and done with, you could clean this shit hole before anyone even thought about coming over.

Pressing the play button, you started with your bed, stripping off the sheets and throwing them into the laundry basket. One job down, another 20 or so to go. You picked up all the red cups,throwing them into the trash bag, as many as you could carry. Scattered everywhere was popcorn kernels, candy wrappers, and - you almost puked when you saw it but a condom wrapper; not pleasant at all.

That was your bedroom cleaned, finished in a record time of six and a half songs. You couldn’t wait to find out what joys and pleasures awaited you on the other side of that door. You were not disappointed when you found Dean sprawled out on the floor, drinks spilt, more chaos than what was in your room. It was time to put in some earbuds and have the music blasting in your ears. It was better than to wake Dean and have him in one of his moods, you knew better than to wake him when he had a night like last night.

Weaving your way around Dean, you cleaned up as much as you could. More cups, more trash, even squashed and crushed food, it was just more of everything, you started to feel sorry for all the cleaners and janitors at the school. When you finally finished, you sighed in relief, it was the last time in a long time that the two of you held a party in your dorm. Thankfully, you didn’t find any other people in your apartment.

After taking a shower, you put on a pair of leggings, your most comfortable pair, a tank top then went in search for the piece of clothing that you desired the most. His huge sweater, the one with the enormous hood, the one that drowns you every time you wear it. You knew exactly where to find it; in the clean laundry basket hidden away in the back of your closet to hide from the guests, hopefully no one rummaged around in there and took anything. You would have to kill someone if anyone messed with that hoodie. Yes! Right where you left it the night before. Immediately, you pulled it over your head and let it fall, the hem of it grazing the top of your knees.

“Morning, sleepy head.” You said as you walked out of your room, seeing Dean up and rapidly blinking before he rubbed the sleep from them. “Don’t worry, there is a coffee coming and when you get the stench of alcohol off of you we can go to that cafe, you know, the one with that waitress you like.”

“Awesome.” He murmured coarsely, loaded with sleep still. Taking the coffee from you, he nodded his thanks. “Give me twenty minutes and we’ll leave. Nice sweater, by the way.”

“Shut up and get a move on, I’m ready for something extremely greasy. Especially after the stunt you pulled last night.” Of course, he hadn’t really done anything other than continuously drink and pass out but it was fun to watch him writhe, trying to figure out what he had done.

“Thank you, Donna.” You smiled at the waitress, Dean practically gawking at her as she took your order and walked away to give it to the chef. “You know, you should just ask her out.”

“I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t want to leave you, that’s just not fair to you, Y/L/N.”

You feigned a loving smile but you knew exactly what was happening. “Oh dear, is the great Dean Winchester scared?”

He scoffed, pulling an ‘as if’ face, Dean leaned back in his seat, he knew you were right, he had to distract you, get the subject off of his and onto you. His eyes lit up, he had the perfect distraction. “Why don’t you ask out your own crush, huh?”

“You’re here, aren’t you?” You winked at him. “Besides, it’s just a comfy jumper. I’d wear one of yours but you’re selfish.”

It was then that Donna placed your order down, your favourite condiments on the side. You ate happily, doing a little dance as you shoveled in your food, an overloaded fork at a time. You discussed the party last night, leaving a few parts out mostly because you couldn’t remember but really they just didn’t feel like important details .

You loved these moments with Dean, even though you lived together, you barely had anytime to just relax and spend your time enjoying his company. But it was too short lived as you completely gobbled up every piece of your food, definitely worth every penny.

Pulling your wallet out of your purse, you called over Donna so you could pay the bill and leave a tip. “Oh yeah forgot to tell you that your brother is hot shit. I’d definitely fuck him… is that what you were looking for?”

You saw him cringe, it was the reaction you were looking for but it cost you revealing to your roommate that you liked his brother a little too much.

“A, that’s fucking disgusting and two, you’re welcome.” His disgusted face changed into a smirk as he sat forward, crossing his arms in front of him on the table after he had pinched a blueberry from his plate and popped it into his mouth.

“What are you talking about, ‘you’re welcome.’” You mimicked him in a ridiculous deeper voice. But you saw him pointing over your shoulder. Shit. You knew that look and you hated it, especially when you were on the wrong end of it. He had fucked you over this time and you had no idea why, what or who until you spun around on your heels, finding Sam fucking Winchester with a soft smile on his face.

“Well that was a nice hello. You, wearing my sweatshirt and confessing that you think I'm hot amongst other things.” He shyly looked you up and down before taking his bottom lips in between his teeth.

“Yes ma’am.” Dean answered sulkily, he grabbed his jacket and headed out with his brother.

A few moments after the Winchester brothers did, you exited the cafe, failing to hide your smile. “When you get a call or text from the hot waitress… you’re welcome.”

You took a moment to breathe and decided it was now or never. Strutting up to Sam, you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him to your height, your lips colliding in a bruising kiss. You felt him smile against your lips and soon after, he kissed you with a little more force. A moment later, you heard Dean cough behind you. You figured it was time to break apart.

“I missed you.” You whispered, just loud enough for Sam to hear. Your hands trail from his neck to his hips, holding him close. Sam pressed his forehead to yours, his huge hands cupping your cheeks.

“Missed you too, it’s been too long.”

When you turned around to see Dean with a gobsmacked look on his face. “Close your mouth, sweetie, you’ll catch flies.” You smirked when your hand closed his mouth for him. “I’m gonna smash your brother, you need to find somewhere to be other than the apartment, bye.”

Feedback is gold and very much appreciated

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#spndeanbingo #spngenrebingo #goodthingshappenbingo #spnonewordbingo #spnfluffbingo #samwinchesterbingo #spnquotebingo #sam x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #platonic!dean x reader #dean x reader platonic #sam x reader fluff #sam x reader implied smut #jayankles #jayankles writes #bailey writes

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ibijau · 4 years

Text

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

War is coming. War is coming. War is there, and Nie Huaisang never realised how much he had to lose.

warning for some mentions of violence and minor character death. Also, warning that this chapter is long (9.6K) so, uh... get comfy and grab a cup of liquid I guess?

With all his things packed for his upcoming trip to Lanling, Nie Huaisang feels he has earned a break which he decides to spend on the training grounds. Not to train, of course. He's already dealt with that earlier with Nie Zonghui, and he's in no hurry to do extra work. But it’s fun to watch others work out and try to capture their movements, and it’s a nice way to pass time. There’s probably other things Nie Huaisang should be doing, but his brother is currently absent, which means he’s free to do as he pleases.

Sitting on the side of the training grounds and sketching in charcoal, Nie Huaisang soon finds himself thinking of Lan Xichen rather than what he’s currently doing. It is not an uncommon occurrence these days. They had a rather great time together in Nightless City, getting to chat a lot either on their own or with Nie Huaisang’s friends, and they also got to kiss quite a few times. They were starting to get pretty good at that, Nie Huaisang likes to think. Before, he’s never bothered kissing the same person more than once or twice, but now that things are going well with Lan Xichen, he’s starting to really appreciate the concept of a steady partner.

Maybe it won’t be the worst thing ever, marrying Lan Xichen. In fact, Nie Huaisang is starting to really warm up to the idea. Even if the Cloud Recesses are a boring place, at least the company won’t be awful. Nie Huaisang is quite looking forward to going back there, and he’s already negotiated with Nie Mingjue that after having spent a week or two in Lanling, he’ll be allowed to push further south and stay a little in Gusu. By the time he gets there, there’s a chance Lan Qiren will have determined an auspicious date for the wedding and that’s… not so bad, really.

It’s odd to think that just a few months ago, the thought would have filled Nie Huaisang with dread, even disgust on a bad day. Now, he’s hoping that they’ll get married as soon after Lan Xichen turns twenty as possible. It’ll be a little scary to have his life change so radically, but it’s be exciting as well.

A commotion on the training grounds quickly brings Nie Huaisang’s attention back to the present. Everyone has dropped what they were doing and gathered around Nie Mingjue who apparently returned early from his business in Qinghe. This is already odd since he’d said it would take him all day, but odder still is the dark look on his face.

“All Night Hunts are cancelled until new orders,” Nie Mingjue announces as his brother comes closer. “No trips home. No leaving the Unclean Realm at all unless I have personally approved it.”

Murmurs run through the assembled disciples, but nobody dares ask questions. It’s easy enough to guess that it has something to do with Qishan Wen, since things have been growing so tense after that Discussion Conference. Still, when his brother walks away, Nie Huaisang follows him, worried about this new development.

“You’re not going to Lanling,” Nie Mingjue says before Nie Huaisang can even open his mouth. “You’re not going anywhere. I’m going to assign people to stay with you at all times from now on.”

“Did something happen?”

Nie Mingjue doesn’t answer, but motions for his brother to follow him into the nearest building, an armoury. After checking that it is currently empty, Nie Mingjue sets silencing talismans on the door. Watching him take such precautions, Nie Huaisang’s anxiety grows.

“Is it war?” he asks.

“Not yet, but it’s coming,” Nie Mingjue grunts, sitting down on a chest so quickly it feels more as if he collapsed. “Huaisang, they’ve burned the Cloud Recesses some days ago.”

Nie Huaisang’s legs give away under him, and he barely manages to go sit with his brother, all strength having left him.

“Xichen and Wangji…” he starts, only to find he can’t even ask that question without choking.

“I don’t know,” Nie Mingjue admits, pulling his brother into a tight hug. “I’ve not been able to get a clear picture of what happened yet. It’s possible that Lan Qiren and Qingheng-Jun have been wounded, but I don’t know how severely. My informant said that Lan Wangji was taken to Nightless City along with some other disciples of the sect. Nothing’s known yet about Xichen.”

Cold seizes Nie Huaisang, making it near impossible to breathe as he tries to realise how everything has suddenly changed. He buries himself against his brother’s chest, clinging to him like a lifeline. That desperation is mirrored in how tightly Nie Mingjue holds him back, as if Nie Huaisang might be taken from him if he let go for even a moment.

This fear turns to reality the very next day when an envoy arrives from Nightless City, demanding that twenty Nie disciples be sent there to be properly educated in cultivation, one of which has to be from the Nie clan itself. Although there are distant cousins that could fit that description, the instant Nie Huaisang hears that message, he knows that it means him. To send anyone else would be an act of open rebellion.

While the Wen messenger is given a room to rest, the Nie council discuss what to do. It is jarring to Nie Huaisang to hear himself discussed as if he weren’t here, nothing but an asset, a pawn to be kept or sacrificed. Hearing how many of the elders are perfectly willing to let him become a hostage is a slap in the face, but ultimately not such a surprise. He’s a second son, and one born of a lesser union at that, so being used like this is to be expected. It’s not so different from the way he ended up engaged to Lan Xichen, although this time the risks are much higher.

If the Cloud Recesses hadn’t just been attacked, the situation would be different. Their strategy was always that Qinghe would be at the forefront of the upcoming war, with Gusu used as a secondary base. Now though, Nie Huaisang realises that they might well be back to the situation they were in before his engagement, without allies to count on. There’s no telling in what state the Cloud Recesses are, how bad the damage, how many people are still standing. All they know for sure is that Lan Wangji is already an hostage, and that doesn’t bode well for Gusu Lan’s current strength.

Nie Huaisang sees how torn his brother is on the subject, how much Nie Mingjue doesn’t want to send him to an uncertain fate, and he’s grateful for that.

But they all have a role to play in what’s about to happen, and this is his. If putting himself in danger can give his brother the time he needs to gather his forces, check on old allies and make new ones…

Second sons are always sacrificable.

The Nie disciples are the first hostages to arrive at the training camp, and it quickly becomes obvious that the Wens have rushed when organising for this. Living spaces are still being prepared for the vast numbers of youth being brought in, and for a least half a shichen they're made to stand around because nobody knows where to send them, nor do they think at first of searching them for hidden weapons. It all gives Nie Huaisang the impression that maybe this whole thing wasn’t as carefully planned as his brother’s council believed.

Since nobody really knows what to do with them, the Nies are thrown in with the Lans in an empty storage building while waiting for things to be ready for them. Although they are ordered not to chat, Nie Huaisang all but runs to Lan Wangji’s side the instant he sees him. He can’t help it, not when his friend is one of several Lan disciples sitting on the floor, looking pale and exhausted in a way Nie Huaisang has never seen him before, not even after that disastrous Night Hunt in Caiyi.

After exchanging a look with Nie Fangjie who comes to stand in front of them to block the guards' view, Nie Huaisang kneels down next to Lan Wangji. His friend glances at him but doesn't react.

"What happened?" Nie Huaisang whispers as low as he can. "Mingjue says you were attacked?"

Lan Wangji looks away but nods, almost imperceptibly.

"Your brother?"

"Ran," Lan Wangji sighs, barely more than a breath. "They wanted us to burn our library. Brother saved what he could."

It's a relief to hear that Lan Xichen hasn't been killed. Nie Huaisang doesn't relax by any means, but he feels a little steadier knowing his fiancé is still alive. Still, that means Lan Xichen is on the run, possibly pursued by Wen cultivators. He is skilled enough that he should be able to defeat almost any enemy, although there's a big difference between fighting monsters and living humans. Nie Huaisang has often heard other Nie disciples say it takes a certain mindset to turn cultivation skills against another person. Hopefully, Lan Xichen will manage it, if it comes to that.

"Your uncle ?" Nie Huaisang asks.

"Fine." Lan Wangji hesitates, and glances toward the Wen guards who don't seem to have noticed their conversation. "My father…"

"He's wounded?"

A weak nod, and Lan Wangji looks so worried. It makes Nie Huaisang feel a little guilty because he wouldn't have thought to ask about Qingheng-Jun. He's so little around that it's easy to forget he's still sect leader, in theory.

"And you?"

Lan Wangji shrugs ever so slightly, even though they're something off about his posture that screams he's unwell. Between the normal stubbornness of the Lans, Lan Wangji’s own pride, and the fact the Wens must have ordered him to stay quiet about what happened, Nie Huaisang isn't sure how to extract the truth from him.

That problem is solved by another Lan disciple coming to kneel next to Nie Huaisang.

"They broke his leg," the boy explains. "We're taking turns helping him heal when they're not looking, but none of us have been properly trained in that."

Lan Wangji glares at the disciple for telling on him, but the other boy doesn't seem phased by it. He's not a Lan proper, judging by his plain ribbon, so it's kind of impressive that he's not trembling before Lan Wangji.

"Thanks, hm…"

"Su She," the other boy says, in a tone that makes it clear Nie Huaisang should have already known that. He does look familiar. "Do you have any medicine?"

"No, they confiscated everything. What does he need?"

"Something to speed up the healing process," Su She assesses. "If it helps with the pain as well, good, because I doubt they'll go easy on any of us."

"I'm fine," Lan Wangji protests, sounding offended.

Su She rolls his eyes, clearly unimpressed with the second young master of his sect. Just for that, Nie Huaisang kinds of like him.

"I'll see if I can ask for medication," Nie Huaisang says. "Maybe if it's not a Lan it will work."

When he stands up, Su She does the same and follows him, a little more closely than necessary but he looks so worried that Nie Huaisang allows it.

"Don't be like that, he'll be fine," he tells the other boy. "Those Lan clan boys look all willowy and delicate but they're tough."

"I hope so," Su She mutters. "He's the only hostage of value from our sect. If he dies, I'm not sure they'll bother keeping the rest of us."

It's a remark which sends shivers down Nie Huaisang’s spine. He's been so busy worrying about his own safety that he didn't even take a second to consider that of the other disciples. To make it worse, knowing Nie Mingjue, there's a good chance he asked the other boys to keep him safe. Their lives could depend on his capacity to stay out of trouble. It's terrifying, and it makes Nie Huaisang want to stay away from the Wens, but he can't. Lan Wangji really needs medicine.

Nie Huaisang takes a deep, calming breath, puts on his most innocent smile, and slowly approaches the Wen guards watching over them.

"Honoured hosts, may I make a small request?" he asks. "Someone here is wounded and needs a doctor, is there any chance one might be fetched?"

“Nobody is to be given any help,” the older of the two guards snaps. “If anyone got wounded it’s due to their unacceptable behaviour or their lack of skill. Either way, a lesson must be learned.”

“Ah! I knew he had to have deserved it!” Nie Huaisang exclaims. He doesn’t like this, doesn’t like working with enemies, but Lan Wangji is unwell and they’re all probably going to be here for a while. Days if they’re lucky. Months or even years if they’re not. Nie Huaisang has to do something about that. “What did he do?”

“He attacked Wen gongzi!” the second guard reveals, earning a gasp from Nie Huaisang and a glare from his colleague.

“What an idiot!” Nie Huaisang splutters, before pressing a hand against his mouth. “Sorry, I just mean… first it’s stupid in general to do that, but what, did he think he’d win?”

The younger guard snorts, while his slightly older colleague scowls at Nie Huaisang and orders him away. It wouldn’t pay to insist right now, when everything is so uncertain and there’s no certainty these guards are going to still be around them once they’ve been moved to their true living quarters. He’ll have to try again later to see if they can be mellowed. The younger one seems an easier target, but it’s the other one who has authority, so he’s the one to win over.

He can do this. If he’s befriended Jin Zixuan, he can befriend anyone, even Wen guards who wouldn’t hesitate to murder him and everyone else in this room.

“What are you doing?” Nie Fangjie hisses at him when he rejoins the other Nie disciples.

“My best,” Nie Huaisang retorts, trying to recall every encounter he's ever had with Wen cultivators to decide how to win them over. “It’s all I can ever do.”

In the days that follow, more people keep arriving. It’s a comfort of sorts to be reunited with Jin Zixuan, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, because if there’s any physical danger, they can take care of it. Sure their swords too have been taken away upon arriving in Nightless City, but they’re all strong fighters so they can manage without. At the same time, the three of them are so damn proud that they keep getting on Wen Chao’s nerves, who has been put in charge of this indoctrination camp. Wei Wuxian in particular really needs to learn to shut up, although Jin Zixuan is hardly any better. Nie Huaisang likes him a lot, but at the moment it really shows that he’s used to being spoiled by his parents and has never been through anything rougher than his stay in Gusu before this.

While his friends get themselves in trouble, Nie Huaisang does his best to fraternise with the men who guard their living quarters. It seems hopeless at first because those Wens are well trained and fear their masters. But a lifetime in Qinghe Nie has taught him nobody is ever as tough as they try to look, and day after day, Nie Huaisang erodes their barriers until one night one of them makes a comment against Gusu Lan in front of him. That’s a subject on which Nie Huaisang has a lot of experience complaining, so he starts describing how awful the food is there. The guards refuse to believe some of his descriptions, swearing he has to be exaggerating, but Nie Huaisang insists, going so far as to offer to cook a certain dish for them since he found the recipe once. They’re laughing as they send him back to his disciples. It feels like a victory.

Two days later, Nie Huaisang faints while returning from a Night Hunt organised by Wen Chao, and pitifully begs one guard if he really can’t have something to help him get better. He cries a few tears as he explains how his weak golden core won’t let him heal properly. He cries again when the man does bring him a few pills which he shares with Lan Wangji the first chance he gets.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Lan Wangji scolds him, though he does take the medicine. “They will think you’re weak now.”

“I am weak. Might as well use it. Listen, I’m keeping the rest for now but I’ll give you more tomorrow, ok? We’re going to get you back to health, I swear!”

That same day, Nie Huaisang finds himself giving another pill to someone else, a boy who was whipped half to death by Wen Chao for getting mud on his robes and made an example of. The next day, another pill goes to Lan Wangji, and the fourth again to that other boy. While treating him, Nie Huaisang gets asked by someone else if he can also treat one of their friends who was wounded during the latest Night Hunt. He already only has seven pills left.

Nie Huaisang suddenly realises how precious these are, and how he can’t give them away as easily as he'd like. He has to decide who to treat and who must keep suffering because there’s no knowing when he’ll get medicine again... and what if he gives away his last pill right before someone really needs it? The shock of that realisation rattles him to his core, making him want to crumble and cry. Instead he politely declines the cry for help from that boy whose friend should be fine again in a few days. He also stores in a corner of his mind the horror and helplessness of this responsibility he never asked for.

It’ll be a useful feeling to remember if he ever needs to cry on command.

Even with careful rationing, the pills slowly go away. Lan Wangji is healing, but not as well as he could be because Wen Chao always finds ways to make him use his leg and put weight on it. All the pills can do at this point is prevent the bone from breaking again.

One afternoon, a girl comes and asks him to help her mistress. Her sect is one of the few that sent girls, because it’s so small it couldn’t get twenty people otherwise. To make it worse, the sect leader only had a daughter to send, since his son is far too young. That daughter got on the wrong side of Wang Lingjiao, and had her back whipped over some invented offence.

“She has a weak golden core,” Luo Qingyang explains. “We’re trying to heal her, but Wang Lingjiao keeps finding excuses to stop us. She’s decided that Wen Chao was flirting with our mistress and she wants to make sure it won’t happen again.”

Nie Huaisang winces. Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao really found each other. Maybe she’s the one he should have married, instead of his poor wife who has been sent back to her family with her baby (guard talks, they like gossip, and Nie Huaisang listens to everything because someday he’ll go home and something might be useful to Nie Mingjue). Nie Huaisang only has two pills left, but it's fine. They're going on another Night Hunt tomorrow, he'll just have to make himself faint again. It's easy when you know how.

He gives Luo Qingyang a pill, in exchange for which she gives him a little sachet of fragrant herbs.

“It doesn’t really do much,” she says with an apologetic smile. “But it’ll keep the bugs away.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Neither do you,” Luo Qingyang cuts him. “But since you’re doing it… at least, now you can avoid mosquito bites.”

It’s such a small thing, but Nie Huaisang accepts the sachet as if it were the more precious thing in the world. The herbs inside smell so nice while the sachet itself is prettily embroidered, and after a few weeks in this stupid camp, he's just desperate to have something pleasant.

The location of their next Night Hunt is a place called Dusk Creek Mountain. It is neither more nor less unpleasant to look at than the other Night Hunting spots Wen Chao has taken them to, yet there’s something in the air that unsettles Nie Huaisang. It might just be that the Wens are particularly excited this time, making him fear that they’re after something a little bigger than the previous creatures they’ve been sent after. He gets a little fearful when Wen Chao reveals that they are to look for a cave. Nie Huaisang doesn’t go Night Hunting if he has a choice, but he’s heard stories and generally, caves never bring anything good. To make it worse, the forced walk to Dusk Creek Mountain has undone much of the progress they’d managed in healing Lan Wangji’s leg, to the point that even other people were starting to notice.

“Is it true what they say?” Jin Zixuan asks Nie Huaisang as they walk side by side, supposedly looking for that blasted cave but actually observing Lan Wangji who on top of everything else is now being bothered by Wei Wuxian.

“People say a lot of things,” Nie Huaisang carefully replies, checking around that no Wens are close enough to hear.

“They say Sect Leader Lan and Lan Xichen have been killed,” Jin Zixuan whispers. “At first I didn’t think that was possible because Lan Wangji didn’t look so bad, but now…”

“Nobody knows for sure what’s up with them,” Nie Huaisang cuts him dryly. “Not even Wangji. Don’t listen to rumours like that, and don’t spread them either.”

His fists clench at his sides, and he’s forced to look away from Lan Wangji. After a short moment, Jin Zixuan puts one hand on his shoulder and stares at him with what can only be called pity.

Back during that conference in Nightless City, Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen got a little careless with kissing, and so the others caught them like that. Wei Wuxian teased them mercilessly, Jiang Cheng scolded them for doing something like that in public (even though they’d found a very nice and quiet little spot where nobody should have found them), and Jin Zixuan… Jin Zixuan’s reaction had been the worst. He’d looked at Nie Huaisang with understanding, as if guessing something that Nie Huaisang himself hadn’t been quite ready to face yet. He still isn’t ready to face it. He’s not sure there’s anything left to face, because if Lan Xichen is dead…

Nie Huaisang takes a deep breath, and pushes that thought away, as he’s done countless times since first hearing about the burning of the Cloud Recesses. He’ll worry about that the day there’s real news. Until then, it’s best not to think about it at all.

Thankfully, the cave’s entrance is found soon after, giving Nie Huaisang something a little more concrete to worry about. Crawling underground and looking for some unknown beast leaves little time to think about anything but the situation at hand. Since Jin Zixuan went his own way by being one of the first ones to enter the cave to avoid talking to Wen Chao, Nie Huaisang mostly sticks with the other disciples of his own sect as they fearfully try to hunt a prey they know nothing about.

When they reach a dark underground lake and still find no trace of any beast, Wen Chao loses patience and decides to bleed someone to use as bait. Nie Huaisang tenses and fights an impulse to hide behind Nie Fangjie. It’s not going to be him, he’s too valuable as a hostage, but… but Wen Chao doesn’t always make the smartest of decisions, and Nie Huaisang is definitely one of the weakest cultivators present, which their ‘host’ has noticed and made fun of more than once.

In the end though, Wen Chao’s mistress picks someone else as the offered bait.

It’s the girl from the other day, the one who begged for medicine and gave him that little sachet of herbs. The situation would be awful anyway, but the fact that they chatted once makes it somewhat personal. But just like with the pills, Nie Huaisang finds himself forced to calculate the worth of another person’s suffering. This girl will be hurt and she might die from being used as bait. In fact, it’s likely Wang Lingjiao will do her best to get her killed. But anyone who tries to intercede will likely be killed as well, and they might not even get to save her.

It’s made worse by the fact that while Nie Huaisang himself can’t do anything, he knows exactly how to get the other Nies to intervene. They are sworn to protect him, so if he puts himself in harm’s way, they will fight for him and for that girl. He could try to save her. He could get his disciples killed one after the other just to feel like a hero.

To Nie Huaisang’s relief and horror, Luo Qingyang finds protection behind Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan who stand firm before Wen Chao, forcing Nie Huaisang to go through the entire choice of whether to intervene all over again. The life of a stranger against the lives of his brother’s disciples was a hard thing to decide. The life of two of his closest friends, or the disciples? In either case he’s going to lose people who are his, and that’s unbearable.

When Wen Chao sends his disciples to attack Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji, the choice becomes obvious. Nie Huaisang launches himself to join the Jin and Lan disciples defending their young masters, followed by his own disciples.

It's not so hard at first. It's remarkably similar to his training sessions with Nie Zonghui, especially since he had started learning how to deal with armed adversaries. If he ignores the killing intent of their adversaries, everything is fine, it’s just like training.

Everything is fine.

Until Jin Zixuan, exhausted by the long trek to the mountain and struggling to fight without a weapon, doesn’t notice one Wen disciple ready to stab him in the back. Nie Huaisang moves without thinking, and strikes without restraining his strength as he normally does. There's a sickening crack when his hand makes contact with the man’s chest, bones caving in under the force of the impact. The man falls, twitches a few seconds, then stops moving entirely.

Even though the fighting continues all around, Nie Huaisang stares at the body. At the corpse, he slowly realises. He realises, also, that he knows that Wen disciple, as he is (was) among those to guard the hostages in Qishan. Nie Huaisang has laughed with this man and done his best to befriend him, only to now have killed him. He’s done this, he’s killed someone, and…

Jin Zixuan bends over the corpse to steal his sword, then turns to Nie Huaisang to grasp his shoulder and shake him lightly.

“Focus!” he orders. “It was him or me, you had no choice.”

“But he’s…”

“You’ll die as well if you don’t focus,” Jin Zixuan hisses. “You’ll think about it later, for now keep fighting!”

Nie Huaisang nods weakly and gets back to a fighting stance, pretending he cannot see the man on the ground. He’ll deal with this later. He’ll deal with so many things later. He doesn’t want later to ever arrive.

Not long after, Wei Wuxian manages to get a hold of Wen Chao and for a brief moment, Nie Huaisang tells himself that it’s over. They’re the only with a hostage now, they can leave this cave, they can maybe even go home and take Wen Chao with them, reversing the situation somewhat. It's his the first glimmer of hope in weeks.

It gets ruined when an enormous monster of a turtle emerges from the lake and starts attacking all of them indifferently, when Wen Chao manages to escape from Wei Wuxian, when the Wen flee from the cave and trap the rest of them in the dark to be either devoured by the monster or die of starvation. Nie Huaisang can only share in the general hopelessness until Lan Wangji speaks of a way out, soon supported in that assessment by Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng.

While a plan is formed for an escape, Nie Huaisang can do nothing more than to follow along. He’s lucky enough to be among the people who can swim, thanks to his stay in Lotus Piers a few months before, so he ends up helping a few wounded people get to the hole in the lake through which they are set to escape. Still he’s not the strongest of swimmers, and the underwater route is just long enough that his lungs are burning from lack of air by the time he breaks the surface outside. He helps those with him to reach firm ground, then returns to the water alongside Jin Zixuan so they can give a hand as more and more people get out. After a long while, Jiang Cheng too appears, holding three boys who look a little worse for wear.

“Where are Wangi and Wuxian?” Nie Huaisang asks, surprised not to see them in what should have been the last batch of people escaping.

“Still inside,” Jiang Cheng grunts. “They were fighting the monster, I’ll try to go back for them. Check on the wounded, see what can be done for them. Do you still have any of your pills?”

“I gave the last one to Wangji yesterday,” Nie Huaisang confesses, horrified that his worst fear has come true. “His leg was causing him so much pain he could barely walk, I didn’t know, I couldn’t guess…”

Jiang Cheng huffs and shrugs, taking only a moment to rest before he dives again. Feeling guilty that he squandered those precious few pills before they had a chance to be really useful, Nie Huaisang starts looking at the other people. Some seem perfectly healthy, having stayed out of the fight with the Wens and out of range of the monster turtle. Others have serious wounds, which their friends are trying to treat as best as they can when nobody has much energy to spare. Luo Qingyang goes from group to group, offering the last of her scented sachets and explaining that they contain some herbs that might at least soothe the pain and keep the wounds clean, if nothing else. Nie Huaisang tries to do the same with the one she gifted him, if only to feel a little more useful.

Before too long, Jiang Cheng leaves the water, still alone, looking deathly pale, and calls for Nie Huaisang and Jin Zixuan who promptly join him.

“The exit is blocked,” he announces in a pained voice. “Something must have collapsed inside the cave. They’re trapped.”

At the news, Nie Huaisang nearly collapses.

“Is there any way to reopen the passage? If we all work together, maybe…”

“Not with the state everyone is in,” Jin Zixuan cuts him, so cold and detached that Nie Huaisang wants to punch him in the face. “And the Wens might be guarding the other exit, even if we reached it. In fact, we’d probably do well not to linger in these woods too long. Wen Chao’s pride took a severe blow and I doubt he’s going to learn forgiveness in the coming hours.”

"We can't abandon them!"

"We won't," Jiang Cheng retorts. "What's the nearest sect from here? I'll run and get help there."

After some head scratching, they figure that actually, Gusu Lan is the nearest from this mountain. But after quickly asking the Lan disciples present, Jiang Cheng decides that it's too risky to go there when the entire place might have been destroyed. For all they know, these boys are the only Lan disciples still standing. The second nearest place is Lotus Piers, and while it's further away, that has the advantage that Jiang Cheng will easily get the help he needs. Without losing a moment more, Jiang Cheng and the other Jiang disciples set out toward home, leaving the others to fend for themselves.

What to do next pauses a bit of a problem. There's a very real risk that Wen Chao might hunt them down and attempt to kill them if they don't swear secrecy. It would be easy to then say those who refused to cooperate just died during the Night Hunt. These things happen, and most sects are ready to turn a blind eye to avoid a war.

"I can take some people into my father's territory," Jin Zixuan whispers to Nie Huaisang as they try to decide what to do. "But only if their sect has an alliance with Lanling. In these circumstances, my father is sure to find some excuse to refuse entrance to anyone else if it can avoid offending the Wens."

"My brother will take anyone, I think," Nie Huaisang replies. "But Qinghe is pretty far and some of them are badly wounded, they wouldn't make it." He pauses and looks around at the people around them, waiting for their decision. Since they are from the bigger sects, everyone seems to have decided they're in charge. Nie Huaisang hates it, but it can't be helped and he'll do his best. "What if we pulled a little deception on your father?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Anyone who's badly wounded gets passed as a clan allied to yours. It's just a matter of switching robes. No offence, but I don't think your father has ever looked at a junior disciple from his own sect, let alone others. It will work."

Jin Zixuan readily agrees, clearly sharing his friend's view of his father on that matter.

The hardest part of that plan, it turns out, is convincing those who aren't wounded to give up a chance to go home quickly. Nie Huaisang begs and pleads in favour of the wounded, but what really convinces everyone is seeing the better off Lans give away their still impeccable robes and offer them to those who are unwell, then putting on their other's dirty, bloodied garbs. Gusu Lan is not formally an ally of Lanling Jin, but its reputation is such that Jin Guangshan wouldn't dare to turn them away, not even after what the Wens did to it. After this, disciples of other sects feel shamed into helping as well.

Once everyone is dressed, Jin Zixuan heads one way with the wounded and whoever still gets to come along, while Nie Huaisang and the rest go another way.

It's an awfully long trek home. They start out with a lot of people, but as they travel north toward Qinghe, some people break off from the group as they pass through their sect's territory. Others don't dare do that, no matter how close to home they get, fearful of what the Wen might do in reaction to what happened and hoping the Unclean Realm will offer more protection. War is coming, Nie Huaisang can feel it. He tries not to think about it. Like everything else he pushes the thought aside and focus on the task at hand, on getting all these people to safety.

By the time they get there at last, over two weeks have passed. It would have taken longer if they hadn't been cultivators, and thus capable of walking faster and longer than regular people, but for the first time in his life, Nie Huaisang wishes he'd had his sabre. Then the journey would have been over in just a few days.

As soon as they pass the borders of Qinghe Nie's territory, the freed hostages are found and welcomed by a party of Nie cultivators led by Nie Mingjue himself. Everyone is led to a temporary camp, given food and water, checked for wounds and generally cared for.

"Your friend Jin Zixuan sent a message you'd be arriving," Nie Mingjue explains when his brother falls into his arms, the two of them holding each other as tight as they can. "Two days more and I'd have gone looking even into Wen territory."

"Zixuan made it?"

"Hm. And the Jiangs were able to rescue Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, they're both home."

The relief is so intense that Nie Huaisang’s legs give away. He'd fall to his knees if his brother's grasp on him weren't so strong. Everything is fine, everyone he cares about is alive and well.

Almost everyone.

"What about Xichen? Did you get news? It's been two months, he must have come home now, right?"

Even before his brother answers, Nie Huaisang feels the way Nie Mingjue’s arms tighten around him, feels his brother's heart racing in his chest.

"Nothing yet," Nie Mingjue whispers. "But his father passed away not long after you all escaped, so he's sure to return soon."

"And if he doesn't?" Nie Huaisang asks, nearly a whimper. "Mingjue what if he's…"

"He'll come back," his brother cuts him. "So stop worrying, come eat something, and tell me what happened."

Nie Huaisang obeys, as best as he can, but food tastes of nothing and gets stuck in his throat.

Two months is too long without news.

Once all the escaped disciples are fed and rested, Nie Mingjue takes all of them back to the Unclean Realm and sends messages to their sects so they know they are safe and can be picked up.

The war hasn’t started yet, but its shadow grows ever darker over their heads. All it will take now is a spark. Nie Huaisang thought the incident at Dusk Creek Mountain might be enough, but the smaller sects are still unsure about opposing Qishan Wen even after this, while Lanling Jin and Yunmeng Jiang seem to cling to the hope that things won’t go that far. Nie Mingjue is both disappointed and angry at Jin Guangshan and Jiang Fengmian, and he doesn’t hesitate to let it be known during his councils, often using swear words Nie Huaisang didn’t even know existed.

It shouldn’t be a surprise though. Nie Mingjue’s council, made up of men the same age as the other sect leaders or older, are also begging him not to be too hot-headed because wars are easy to start and difficult to end. It annoys him and, to a lesser degree, it annoys Nie Huaisang that what he and the others went through, what happened to the Cloud Recesses, still isn’t enough to justify rising against the Wens.

He wonders, more than a few times, if anything will ever be enough or if these old men will keep making excuses until one day they all wear the red of Qishan Wen.

The answer to that question comes sooner than Nie Huaisang would have liked, and more brutally too.

It starts with a messenger running into the Unclean Realm at sunrise, demanding to see Nie Mingjue immediately. A quarter of a shichen later, an emergency council is called to which Nie Huaisang, for once, is not invited, mostly because it’s too early for him to be awake. That council goes on and on for over half the day, without even a break for food or tea. It gets worrying enough that Nie Huaisang gives up on doing anything else that day and just sits by the door of the throne room, waiting to hear the news. He could go to his secret alcove and find out. He doesn’t. However much he wants to know what’s happening, he’s also terrified by it. Something, he feels, is about to change.

It is mid-afternoon when the door to the throne room opens and the council members exit in silence. They don’t look at Nie Huaisang. They don’t even look at one another, their faces turned to dark masks as they all go their separate ways with resigned determination. Nie Huaisang waits until the last of them has gone before he barges into the room, barely taking the time to close the door behind him before turning his gaze on his brother, and…

Something is wrong.

Nie Mingjue is sitting on his throne, resting his hand on his chin, his eyes glassy and distant. He doesn’t turn to look at his brother, not even when Nie Huaisang hesitantly walks closer. He looks.

He looks so old.

A bit like he did after their father fell into a sleep from which he’d never wake again, forcing his eldest son to bear a weight he wasn’t prepared for. Nie Mingjue looks too old, and he looks too young.

Nie Huaisang doesn’t need to ask. There’s only one thing that could put his brother in such a state.

He asks anyway.

“Is it happening?”

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue whispers, refusing to look at his brother. “It can’t be avoided anymore. This is war.” In a way, Nie Huaisang has spent his entire life waiting to hear these words. He thought he was prepared for them. They still shock him.

This is war.

“What decided it, in the end?” he asks.

Nie Mingjue, slowly, turns his eyes to his brother, his sorrow deepening in a way Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have thought possible.

"Lotus Piers has been destroyed."

Nie Huaisang stops breathing for a second and stares at his brother. He can’t have heard that right. It can’t be true. He doesn’t want it to be true.

"Did… did Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian… Th-They made it out, right?"

Nie Mingjue's face hardens as he shakes his head.

"Huaisang. There are no survivors. The Wens killed everyone, even the children and elderly. There’s no more Yunmeng Jiang."

Nie Huaisang can’t breathe. When his brother opens his arms, he can only run to him and let himself be pulled on Nie Mingjue’s lap like he’s six again and needs to be held after a nightmare.

“I’m sorry,” Nie Mingjue whispers, clinging to him too tight, almost hurting him. “I’m sorry, it shouldn’t have happened, we should have attacked them first, we should have attacked when they burned the Cloud Recesses, I’m sorry.”

Breaking into tears, Nie Huaisang nods, then shakes his head. It shouldn’t have happened. It can’t have happened. Jiang Cheng is his best friend, and he likes Wei Wuxian a lot as well, and they’re so brave and so strong, they can’t be dead. He doesn’t want them to be dead. It’s unfair that they are dead.

“Qinghe is about to get too dangerous,” Nie Mingjue sighs. “I’m sending you away to Gusu.”

The words are like a lightning strike. Nie Huaisang startles and tears himself away from his brother’s embrace so abruptly that he falls on the floor.

“No, I’m staying!” he cries out. “Let me stay, I can help! I’ll fight too if you want, I’ll train at the sabre for real, I’ll do whatever you want! Don’t make me go away!”

“That’s not up for negotiations, Huaisang.”

“Then somewhere else! Lanling is going to join us, right? Maybe I can go there?”

“We don’t know yet what Lanling will do. Jin Guangshan probably won’t pick a side until he’s certain of the winner. You’re going to the Cloud Recesses, they're our allies.”

“Don't send me to Gusu," Nie Huaisang begs, the very idea making him nearly sick. To be there again, without Jiang Cheng, without Lan Xichen… "Anywhere but there, I can't go there!"

Nie Mingjue looks exhausted, enough so that Nie Huaisang nearly feels guilty for throwing a tantrum and adding to his brother’s troubles. But he cannot return to the Cloud Recesses, not like this, not if there isn’t anybody there to wait for him. Nie Mingjue sighs and grabs him by the arm, pulling both of them to their feet.

"The Wens think it's out of commission,” he explains in a wearied voice. “It's unlikely to be attacked again, especially if the rest of us band together and bring the front lines to them.” Nie Mingjue hesitates. “It'll also be the first place to know if Lan Xichen re-emerges."

Nie Huaisang starts crying again.

"It'll be the first to know also if he's dead," he whispers. "I don't… I don't want to know that. I can't… If he's dead, I never want to know."

"Huaisang, that's not…"

"I think I'm in love with him," he sobs, tears flowing down his cheeks. "No, I don’t think, I'm sure of it. Mingjue, I love him and he's probably dead and I can never tell him and… I don't want him to be d-dead, I want him to come b-back and I want us t-to get married and, and, and I miss him, and he's d-dead, and Wanyin is dead t-too, and, and…"

He starts choking on his tears at the realisation that his two favourite people are gone. He's never again going to chat with Jiang Cheng or pester him just for the fun of it, they're never going to train together again or to spend time reading side by side in silence. And Lan Xichen… They've lost so much time, they had just started to really get along, and just when they'd finally learned to see each other, just when they were so close to be happy…

Nie Huaisang is no stranger to death, he saw his father agonise, he buried his own mother and his brother's, but this hits differently. He was so young for their mothers' deaths, and he never was close to his father. He doesn't remember it hurting so much back then. He doesn't remember this terror that it's only the beginning, that more people are going to die soon, that he might lose everything and he's powerless to stop it.

It could be Lan Wangji or Jin Zixuan next.

It could be Nie Mingjue.

His tears double until he's drowning in them, until the only thing keeping him afloat is his brother’s tight hold on him.

This war hasn't even started yet, and it has already taken so much from him.

The next day, Nie Huaisang sets out for Gusu, a few older disciples coming with him for his protection and carry him, since his sabre has never been returned. As he passes the gates, he notices a young man barely older than himself talking with the guards. Another new recruit, one a little older than would normally be preferred but desperate times call for desperate measures. Nie Mingjue had accepted men older than himself.

It almost makes Nie Huaisang smile when the young man proudly presents a recommendation letter and looks elated at hearing that the sect leader in person will meet him. He must be unaware of the war brewing, of the need to check for spies. Nie Huaisang envies him that innocence.

"Follow me, Meng Yao," he hears one of the guards say as he jumps on somebody's sabre, and envy turns to pity.

Nie Huaisang wants to grab that young man and tell him to run before he too gets crushed in the great horror that's coming.

He doesn't. His brother needs all the men he can get now that the worst has come to pass.

The Cloud Recesses have become a desolate place which Nie Huaisang would hate if he still had the energy for it. Some parts of it are nearly intact, such as most of the cabins for guest disciples, and the juniors and outer disciples' dorms. Others are nothing but rubble, like the houses of the main clan, the library, the armoury.

Even though he has been given plenty to do by Lan Qiren (juniors to oversee, letters to write, guests to welcomes… Everything he would have done someday as the sect leader's spouse) Nie Huaisang still finds time to wander those ruins daily, constantly amazed by the destruction around him.

Less than a year ago, he was sitting in the library, copying lines with Jiang Wanyin at his side because of some stupid idea Nie Huaisang had. Less than six months ago he was holding Lan Xichen's hand in his house and promising to kiss him if he won a contest.

Outside that same house, Nie Huaisang finds the tree on which Lan Xichen had attached that little bird feeder. Like so much around the main residence, it has been scorched. Some shards of the bowl are still scattered between the roots, so Nie Huaisang picks them up and brings them back to his room. It's stupid, and useless, but he wants to cling to anything that can remind him of Lan Xichen.

A little under two weeks after Nie Huaisang arrives in the Cloud Recesses, a rumour reaches them, saying not everyone in Lotus Piers died after all. Jiang Yanli, by luck, was with her mother's family when the attack happened and thus survived. A half dozen disciples, out on a Night Hunt at the time of the attack, have also survived by returning too late to help in the fight, and they have gone to join their young mistress to protect her. All this is known and certain. Where the rumour starts is when people say that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were somehow able to escape as the rest of their sect was slaughtered.

Nie Huaisang, at first, refuses to listen to such gossip. There is no way his friends would have abandoned their people like this, not even faced with certain death. They're not cowards like him.

Still, when Lan Qiren himself calls him one evening and confirms that they're both alive, although Wei Wuxian seems to have gone missing, Nie Huaisang has to believe it. The old teacher even seems worried for Wei Wuxian, in spite of the dislike between them. Nie Huaisang wishes he could be worried, or happy. Instead all he can think after hearing the good news is that this mess is just starting, and they’re still likely to die, so there’s little point in rejoicing.

When that thought hits him, Nie Huaisang realises that something isn’t quite right with him. Ever since arriving in the Cloud Recesses, he’s done little more than go through the motion of what’s expected of him. It’s not so different from the way he felt when he returned home some months ago, only made worse by everything that’s happening. He considers, briefly, asking Lan Qiren if he can play that song Lan Xichen used, the one that soothed him and helped him handle his worried a little better for a while.

He decides against it. He doesn't know the title, Lan Qiren is busy, and he doesn't want to hear it played by anyone who isn't Lan Xichen. Besides, misery is a companion like any others at this point. The only companion he has left, in fact.

After news of Jiang Cheng’s survival arrived, more and more rumours reach the Cloud Recesses. An alliance has been formed between the Great Sects with more and more small sects being drawn to their side, Wei Wuxian has been murdered and skinned and turned into a flag as warning, Lan Wangji is helping Jiang Cheng look for Wei Wuxian, Jiang Yanli is going to marry Lan Wangji, Jiang Yanli is going to marry Jin Zixuan, Wen Ruohan’s protégée Wen Qing is going to defect and marry Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangshan has been murdered by a Wen assassin, Jin Guangshan is threatening to betray the alliance and join the Wen…

Gossip is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses, yet it thrives in this place too far from the front where only whispers reach.

Nie Huaisang withdraws as much as he can, and stops listening. He does his job, teaches the younger juniors who haven’t been drafted to fight, smiles and commiserates with the people who come to beg for help against creatures and have to be turned away because nobody can be spared, smiles and acts as Lan Qiren’s secretary when they have more important guests.

He refuses to hear the rumours, refuses to let himself hope or despair.

All he can do is continue existing until all this is over and he’s free to feel again.

Night is falling on the Cloud Recesses and, hidden away inside the room given to him in the dorms, Nie Huaisang awaits the curfew bell. He does not intend to go to sleep, but knowing that time still passes around him brings a comfort of sorts.

Tonight, he is having a good evening. Sometimes he does nothing but lay in bed and wait for sleep to overtake him until dawn returns, but today Nie Huaisang actually has some energy to spare. He puts it in repairing that broken bird feeder he found when he just arrived in the Cloud Recesses, which might have been yesterday or ten years ago. It’s useless, there are pieces he never managed to find, but it’s calming in a way few things are lately.

A knock on his door startles Nie Huaisang so badly that he almost ruins his work by dropping the bowl. He stares at the door, unsure if he heard right. He can’t have heard right. Nobody ever really speaks with him except for Lan Qiren, but he wouldn’t come here at such an hour… not unless it’s important, in which case he wouldn’t bother knocking.

Nie Huaisang stares, and waits.

Just as he’s accepting that he must have dreamed that sound, it gets repeated, a little more urgently, a little louder.

“Come in,” Nie Huaisang orders, rising to his feet so that he can defend himself if his visitor has ill intentions.

It’s not an assassin that enters his room.

It’s a ghost dressed in white.

Nie Huaisang, for the first time in weeks, is overcome with emotion as he launches himself at Lan Xichen, heavy tears blurring his vision. His fiancé is almost knocked over when Nie Huaisang comes to hug him and he lets out a slightly pained gasp at being held too tight, but that’s fine. Ghosts don’t stumble, ghosts don’t breathe, ghosts aren’t warm enough to be felt even through layers of fine fabric. Ghosts don’t pet people’s hair. Ghosts don’t return hugs.

“I’m here,” Lan Xichen whispers into his hair. “It’s fine, I’m here.”

“I thought you were dead!” Nie Huaisang sobs, relief tainted with anger over the pain he did not need to feel since Lan Xichen is alive.

His fiancé’s arms pull him closer, and Nie Huaisang feels a brief kiss against his temple.

“I’m so sorry,” Lan Xichen says. “I assumed uncle would have told you. I should have guessed he wouldn’t, I should have asked him to do it. We were trying to keep it secret but I trust you, I know you wouldn’t have told anyone. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“I missed you,” Nie Huaisang whimpers, closing his eyes and pressing himself closer to his fiancé.

“I missed you too. I kept thinking of you. I was so worried when I heard about the indoctrination camp and about Dusk Creek Mountain. I’m so glad you’re fine. I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you.”

“I thought you were dead,” Nie Huaisang says once more, the only thing he can think of.

Lan Xichen doesn’t reply, but continues petting Nie Huaisang’s hair and rubbing his back until, slowly, the other boy starts calming down. His tears dry up, he breathes more easily than he has in weeks, and he pulls back a little from the hug to look at Lan Xichen.

The older boy is thinner than last time they saw each other. Older, too, in some inexplicable way. Nie Huaisang can’t help feeling that something is different on his fiancé’s face, some sort of lingering sadness that wasn’t there before. It might be just tiredness since it is getting late, but Nie Huaisang doesn’t think it’s anything that easy to solve. It hasn’t been so long, but they’ve both been changed by those last few months.

“May I come inside?” Lan Xichen asks. “I want to talk to you about something. Well, I want to talk about… many things, really, but one of them must come first.”

Nie Huaisang releases Lan Xichen from the hug, only to immediately take his hand as he pulls him inside the room. It’s so good to be holding hands like this again. He didn’t think he’d ever get to do it again.

“I’ve talked with your brother about something,” Lan Xichen announces as he closes the door behind him. “It is a matter on which he said he had no strong opinion, but you might, and he thought we should let you have the final word. Whatever you decide, it will be so.”

His tone is… odd. Wrong. He sounds the way he does when he tries to hide, which is something Nie Huaisang thought they had put behind them. But so much has happened, of course Lan Xichen might need to fall back on old habits, at least a little, until things get better.

“Now you’re scaring me a little,” Nie Huaisang still says. “What is it I’m meant to decide?”

Lan Xichen lets go of his hand.

“I want to cancel our engagement.”

#xisang #worst engagement au #welcome to the chapter where it gets bad and then worse and then still worse #I have been very excited about this chapter since I first realised that the fic was going to be a bit more serious than my initial plans #also I think this chapter officially put the fic at 100K so like congrats to y'all for reading that monster #jau writes

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moon-caramel · 5 years

Text

All Of You | Wonho

❣ One Shot

→ Pairing: Wonho x female reader

→ Summary: a short story about how wonho loving your smell

→ Gendre: couple au // idol au. // Smut ♔ // Fluff ❀

→ Warnings: wonho being the sweetheart he is, smut, nipple suck, oral (female), marking, unprotected sex, fingering, riding, creampie, overstimulation

→ Word count: 2677

❣

Wonho was a member of the famous Korean group Monsta X, that is how people know him now, but for you, he was you lovely, intimidated, but soft in the inside boyfriend.

You had the chance to interview him along with other members, well, you boss did, you were still an intern at the time, so you just sit there and take notes, you didn't even notice Wonho's eyes looking at you writing all the word that came in the conversation in your little note.

When he asked for your number you just thought he wanted it to had the entertainment company you worked for.

"Oh, don't worry, my boss already gave the company number to your manager" you nod with a nervous smile that couldn't get bigger. You didn't want to create some confusion about exchanged personal numbers in the company, Starship could think you throw your number at him, and never accept an interview with your company never again.

Wonho drop a nervous laugh looking at his shoes. “actually, I wanted, Your personal number” he looked at you, your hair was altogether in a messy ponytail, you had some small round golden earring, and you were wearing just semi-formal outfit to look professional yet, comfy enough to go from one place to another. “If that's okay for you”

I took you a few seconds to understand what he meant, but yet you needed hearing a confirmation about you suspect, maybe you were dreaming? Wonho tell you he wanted to ask you out, you could move, body and tongue froze.

Most of the dates were in his studio, that way no one outside his company could see you and create a scandal with the two of you getting comfy. you liked that way, he could tell you about the song he was working on, not ready enough to show you tho, and you could tell him about how you always wanted to be a journalist, that although the entertainment area never call your attention, you found yourself liking it, in occasions the other boys teasing Wonho he was sleeping with the enemy, he always said he was happy you were working in the entertainment media, that's how you two meet, that's where the story of you both start.

The time went fly, a couple of years has passed, despite both of you busy schedule, you always managed to spare time with each other, he was there in the bad times, when you ruined and interview by accidentally dropping juice on an idol that refused to do the interview until you were kicked out of the building, your boss sending you home for the day, Wonho manage to finish things in studio and reach to your home, arms strongly wrapped around you while he whispered that every will turn out fine. He was there when you were promoted and you became one of the editors for the company, you could stop jumping of joy on Wonho’s bed, he had to lock you putting himself on top of you to stop you before you could break the bed, that ended in both of you enjoying each other all night, breaking the bed anyways.

The only hard times was when he was on tour, spending months away from each other, in occasions, he managed to come and see you for a few hours, if not you talk for hours in the phone or through video chat, you never missed a v live, and you could tell how Wonho looked at the camera like he knew there was someone special watching.

You always ask him if he could leave you some of his clothes when he had to go, something was comforting about just wearing his t-shirts and smell him through them. he told you should stay in his apartment, that way you could feel more comfortable when he was away, and you did, every time you arrived tired from the day you felt better by just crossing the door.

Saturday morning you wake up under the cover, a smile crossed your face when you felt the sense of Wonho in them, you grabbed the sheet and cover your face, you felt so light, almost flying of pure joy.

“I wish you were here” you whisper thinking on how you could hug tightly to your boyfriend, he was far away, Los Angeles today if you weren’t wrong, you talk about your plans for the weekend two days ago, nothing much, you were planning to be around the apartment, work on some articles and try to catch up with your series. you were more curious about what his plans were, but he never tell you, he never gave you the chance to ask him, every time you tried he changed the subject,

“what article are you working now? What's your favorite series? “who is your favorite character?” question bombarding you, maybe this is some idols and actors were so impatient in interviews.

You didn’t hear the sound of the door or the quiet step of someone one coming, you look at the men with a toned body cover in a tight dark t-shirt, and the sheeply smile that was marked in his face looking at you.

You jump from the bed like the happiest puppy in the word and jump on top of Wonho "Wonho bunny!" he grabs you just in time to hold you, on arm under your leg and the other on your low waist keeping you close of him.

He rested his head in the space of your neck, your arms around him, before he could speak you took his face to kiss him, lips glued softly, as he parted just a little they came back together like magnets, moving in coordination, you wanted to ask him about this surprise, How did he get here in such a short time? how long would he stay? but you didn't want to take off from him, and he didn’t want to either.

You felt the how he move carrying you until he rest your body on the bed, his hands now free from moving, one travel by your leg, the other reach your face, where he strokes your cheek with your thumb, peeling his lips off yours slowly, he begins to see you with that tenderness in his eyes, making your cheeks stain soft pink, he always had that effect in you, no matter what, he always made you feel like a young girls in love for the first time, you couldn't hide it, neither you wanted to.

“You miss me that much?” he asks you whispering like it was your secret.

“every day” you wrapped him between your arms, caressing hair between your fingers “I'm so happy you're here bunny”

“I wanted to surprise you, so I managed to escape for a day to see you”

One day, 24 hours you have with him, it wasn't long, you missed him so much you wanted to be glued to him if you could do it for the rest of the tour you'll do it for this 24 hours.

“Then I will not let you go” you started kissing him more fervor this time, he went to kiss your jaw, going down to your neck, but you didn't feel his lips, it was his nose that caressed the skin of your neck, feeling how he smell you, the air made you tickle a little.

“baby, you smell different”

Your eyes open, your mind is blank, a few weeks ago your shampoo ran out, so you used Wonho's, so did with the soap, the smelling of wonho in your skin made you feel better about him being away, so you used every day, some of your work colleagues funded weird you smelling like a man, but it made you happy, so you didn't care, now you didn't know how Wonho would find this.

“Ahaa.. well, my shampoo ran off one day, so I use yours”

Wonho lifts his face to see you, his face didn’t say much, he wanted you to go on.

“I was planning on buying my shampoo after but, I like it feeling your smell so, I just ended using it every day instead.. your soap too”

Wonho clenched his lips, trying to prevent his smile a little, then let go “Well I love it”

“you do?”

“yes” he buried his face back to your neck, kissing you while he smells his essence in you “It’s like I’m marked in you” he put his free hand in your waist, squeezing it a little “you’re mine ____”

he starts kissing your neck, he went down to your collar bones, looking up to see you, "did you use it in all your body?" you nodded, he smiled more playful than before.

"then I'll kiss all of you"

The hand in your face was now in the back of your neck, the other pass under the big t-shirt to feel your skin, leaving kisses in your chest, The hand in your face was now in the back of your neck, the other pass under the big t-shirt to feel your skin, leaving kisses in your chest, he pulled the t-shirt above your one breast, revealing an already hard nipple, he rubbed his nose in it, you moaned softly, the action was strange but it turned you on, he was now sucking you nipple, your moans started to get a little louder, he took your t-shirt off leaving it somewhere in the bed, or the floor, who cares, he repeated the same care he did in your other breast, the hand in your waist was squeezing your other breast, playing with your nipple.

He kissed you, traveling from your stomach to your thighs, he went low through one leg reaching your feet, he went up through your other leg, he stopped back in your thighs, leaving them marked with big pink spot, that will turn purple the next morning, he stood up to take off his dark t-shirt, revealing his pale workout body, he took off your panties, who knows where they fall, kissing your core immediately, it's been around two months without his touch, there was no time to waste.

"Baby, even you pretty pussy smells like me" you could feel Wonho smirk in you skin, his tongue moving in your insides making you weep, you grabbed his hair around your fingers, you catch a short view of him, he was deep inside you, nose playing with your clit, his chin covered in your juices, you throw you head back, seeing the scene made you more heated, you started to move your hip, riding his face, he was now introducing his finger, deep, and slowly, "Bu.. bunny, I'm close" soon after that his finger moves a little faster, more, and more until you reach out whimpering his name, his fingers slowing his speed, he started to leave small kisses around your area, going up until he reach you face, you kiss him, feeling you own cum in his lips.

“wonho, bunny… take off your pants”

on cue you heard the sound of his belt hit the floor he had only boxers know, close to your core, you could feel the heat that his member was giving, you feel how he started to moving you, you got comfortable, sitting in his lap, his back was pressed in the headboard, you both took a short moment to look at each other, he caresses your cheek like before, you reach his hand to kiss the palm.

"I missed you every day too," he said it looking to your eyes deeply, you kiss him again, his lips still tasted like you.

you felt his hand reaching to the hem of his boxers, freeing his hard, and warm member, you got up for him to put the tip of cock in your entrance, you started to go down slowly, you were both breathing heavily when your thighs were touching, he straightened his back making your bodies glued back again, you start moving your hips up and down, Wonho was growling softly in your breast then he kiss your chest, moving to your collarbones, elbows, and arm, he really was kissing every inch in your body, you were moving faster now, he grabbed your ass, helping you moving so you don't lose the speed, he was going to kiss your other arm this time he would pass through your neck, when he reaches your palm you were too loss, you could feel Wonho's member stretching your inside, how the tip of his cock hit your core making you moan.

His hand was grabbing your ass more tightly, he lean your back to the bed, putting you under him, you wrap him between your legs as he started to move faster, hitting that stop every second, your moans became long and too loud, he grabbed one of your ankles putting it in his neck, tightening your inside more, as expected he started kissing it, almost biting it, you came to fast to tell him, he slowed down his speed for you could ride your orgasm.

once you got your breathing back, he was turning in four against the bed, he turned your head to side so you could kiss him while he grabs your hair, he kissed you down to the back of your neck, he introduced himself back to you, your mouth open with a silent moan, he moved slowly but strong, he wasn't just kissing your back now, he was almost biting it, you feel your skin being sucked through his teeth, growling deep.

He was close to come, yet he didn't want to abuse you, you came twice already, your body was too sensitive “Wonho,”

“___… my b, by” he only manage to answer between growlings

"wonho, come inside me, please" his movements started to be faster, hitting again that spot making your eyes travel to the back of your head, just a few movements were enough to reach his point, he came inside you, filling your walls and leaving more of his scent inside you, the feeling made you came to, your back arched with Wonho's head resting in it.

your breathing was short, your body to sensible to move, Wonho pulls himself off you slowly, feeling how your insides were empty without the filling of his member, you cover your mouth to make your whimper low.

He pulled his boxers back, you hear his step going to the bathroom, he was taking his time inside, you wonder if he was okay, but before you could call him he came back with a wet cloth, he move your body carefully to clean you up, he managed to move you, hugged you in a bridal style, you body was still numb so you could only rest your head in his chest, he carries you to the bathroom where you spotted the tub filled, he got you to stand up inside first, you will still hold on him, he made you sit, the warm water felt nice and your body was fresher the smell of lavender and mint made more relaxed when you open your eyes Wonho was sitting outside the tub caressing the skin in your hand.

“I’m sorry, I let myself go” he kissed your hand

“It's okay, I think there's no part of me that wasn't kissed by you, and I like it”

“Yes, but I left your back all bitten,”

“It’s okay, nothing that won't heal” your hand move to his face “but if you want to make it up to me I would like if you join me”

He smiled back with that lovely big smile nodding, your body better enough to move by yourself making him room for him, he put his chest in your back, your body between his thick legs, you rested your head in the space of his neck, while he massages your head.

"I'm going to use all of your things if this is my reward, bunny"

Monsta X m.List

→ a/n: I love this story, making Wonho the soft dominant, and caring bf that I wish a had, tell me if you liked it.

thank you for the support ♡!

#Monsta X #mosnta x x reader #mx smut #monsta x smut #monsta x scenarios #monsta x fanfic #monsta x imagines #mosnta x wonho #mx wonho #mx wonho x reader #wonho x reader #wonho smut #wonho fluff #wonho i love you #fanfic #k pop smut #k pop fanfiction

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