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#and sometimes i literally have to hug myself and rock back and forth and essentially try to convince myself i'm not crazy
strozzaprete · 2 years
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not to be morbid on main but my life is so strange every day i'm fighting with my inner suicidal child trying to convince her to stay alive out of spite for our enemies
#this entire year ​i've been forced to relive past trauma -> which i'd been able to finally process but it doesn't involve just me#so basically i processed it but my family hasn't and they keep putting the blame on me for everything and guilting me for it#even though i was a literal child. in short the fact that i ''acted out'' by running away from abusive situations was and still is worse#than the actual abusive situations i was put in. as a child.#so like... i can forgive and understand and empathize with my past self at last (instead of feeling suicidal like i did for years)#but if nobody else in my close family circle does then i have to essentially stay strong and remind myself that they're wrong#point is that when i was 11-12 i would react to the emotional and physical abuse by basically putting myself in dangerous situations#and attempting suicide a couple of times lmao. staring at the train tracks every other day#because the fact that they beat me was NORMAL for me (my mom told me that i was 2 the first time my dad hit me)#and they were acting like i was (i quote) ''bipolar'' and mentally ill and acting out out of nowhere and i couldn't fully understand why#i was doing certain things at the time. so i put the entirety of the ''blame'' on myself. and later on my mom would make me feel guilty#about it for a decade to win arguments -> which almost every time start with her gaslighting me until i start crying and yelling so then she#can call me crazy. and she can make ME feel crazy so i won't take her accountable. so she avoids taking responsibility for her actions (past#and present). i finally realized this when i told her that one of the most traumatic events of my life was when she found some smoking#filters in my drawer (she used to go through my stuff all the time) that i was LITERALLY KEEPING FOR A FRIEND and she dragged me out on the#balcony by my hair and beat me. she would beat me in public places all the time to humiliate me. even my school friends remember this#and she said 1) ''it didn't happen'' and 2) ''i don't remember''#so that's that. either i'm crazy and i fabricated the memory out of nowhere... or she's not taking responsibility for her actions.#and like... I KNOW it happened. but i'm very sensitive to gaslighting (as she does this all the time about other things as well)#and sometimes i literally have to hug myself and rock back and forth and essentially try to convince myself i'm not crazy#that's the situation i'm in rn :) cool#thank god the therapist moved my appointment to tomorrow because i'm about to implode or perhaps ask for money in advance to purchase drugs
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knjoodles · 4 years
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incomparable | taehyung x reader
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pairing: taehyung x reader
genre: angst, fluff
word count: 4.9K
warnings: supposed cheating, struggle with body image, low confidence. (i have struggled with all of these things myself)
summary: with taehyung’s busy schedule, you often wonder why it seems he wants to be everywhere but by your side.
lowercase intended
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   you loved taehyung.
  no, you love taehyung. the love you and taehyung shared was something that you’d never experienced before. something unique, something different.
  it had all started when the two of you were in high school, being forced to talk to each other as you were paired together for a social studies project. you were a quiet, reserved student, one who had at most three friends and wasn’t looking to make more. once a social butterfly, the endless bullying you’d suffered in your early teen years, being completely excluded from your entire grade, made you cling to those who didn’t succumb to the rumors. to this day, you weren’t quite sure why you were targeted. what you were sure about, though, was the bitterness of the people who hurt you, who went as far as to blackmail old friends to end their friendship with you. you learned to trust few, but cherish them the most. your warm and welcoming personality turned cold to those you didn’t know, not fully letting them in until the still scarred, younger version of you was assured they wouldn’t betray you. you didn’t lose the happy-go-lucky (y/n) you always were, she’s just hidden away. like an exclusive, vip perk for those you’d trust with your life.
  taehyung was like you, minus the traumatizing bullying. he was full of energy, a ball of sunshine who would never be seen with anything less than a smile. both of your respective friends found it amusing how such different people just happened to be paired together, and you were left as dumbfounded as the rest. it’s not that you found taehyung annoying, no. he was just very loud.
  it started with the two of you working at the library, taehyung lugging a large board across the isles to a large community table. he waved at you giddily, trifold board bouncing against the library’s carpeting as he dashed towards you, footsteps loudly hitting the floor. waddling towards you, panting lightly, he greeted you, slumping in the seat in front of you. you were annoyed. you couldn’t believe this was what you had to work with.
  the project? report on a european country and its state in the 18th century. before you could even finish your question on what he wanted to report on, taehyung slammed his large hands onto the hardwood table, exclaiming that he wanted to do portugal. with his excited form dangerously rocking back and forth on his chair, the two of you began work, reporting on 18th-century portugal.
  by the second or third time you’d met up, he wasn’t that bad anymore. the two of you had conjured a few inside jokes and you looked forward to your meetings with him, as it had become a practice for the two of you to talk about what struggles plagued your teenage lives while your parents rang your phones, trying to figure out where the hell you where and why you weren’t home by now. it was funny to you and taehyung. things were good.
  fast forward to senior year, where taehyung had been usurped into your friend group, all five of you marching off to places where you shouldn’t be at ungodly hours. that was the dream of being eighteen yet still a child, the amount much freedom that you could savor, but only for a short time. as your friends all sat on the roof of your high school at midnight, you remember glancing at taehyung, wrapped in his jacket underneath your shawl due to the cold weather. he was different from when you’d first met him; his face was maturing, and he had a handsome glow to him. his raven hair was highlighted by the pale moon, a silver lining shining against his locks. as he gazed unto the bright city before him, you noticed his flawless facial features: eyes, round and excited, skin, smooth and without fault, nose, tall and attractive, and lips, plump and seemingly carved into perfection.
  for the first time in your life, your stomach felt like a jumbled mess sitting next to him. your breath quickened and you wanted to hide, feeling the sudden urge to make sure you looked amazing every time he looked at you.
  taehyung was popular with the girls and the boys, as expected. as much as you hated it, you couldn’t help but feel insignificant next to taehyung. classmates of all ages would swarm and gawk at him, staring at his practically god-sculpted visuals and kind soul. taehyung was perfect, and everybody knew it. it hurt you, sometimes. knowing that even though you were close friends, he may think of you as a sister, not a lover. there were hundreds of people in your school alone that would be a better match for taehyung than you. the self-destructive language bubbled inside of you every time you saw him laughing with someone else, eyes full of joy.
  you broke down in tears in front of him in his room. he was clueless as to your feelings for him, but seeing you sobbing mercilessly ripped his heart into little pieces. you cried about how you never felt like you were enough, how you just wanted one person to look at you the way you look at them, how you knew they were out of your league but you still wanted to be with them. hand rubbing your back comfortingly, taehyung assured that anyone who didn’t want to be with you was stupid, and the guy who you liked was an asshole. you laughed at his comment, and he chuckled with you, thinking he made you laugh in a time of need. he did, but not for the reason he thought.
   it’s the early-middle of senior year. the last of college apps had been sent out, but taehyung was pursuing something you thought to be incredulous. he burst into your room as you edited a project essay, startling you. his hyper aura transferred to you as he beamed that he’d been accepted as a trainee to bighit entertainment, a small, yet promising company. jumping up and down in unison, you hugged him tightly, wanting to show just how proud of him you were. he deserved it, he worked hard. you’d been accepted to a large university in seoul, essentially spelling out that you and taehyung would be moving to seoul to pursue your careers. this was when your heart felt as tense as ever, knowing that as a trainee, taehyung would be restricted from doing almost anything. and, when he becomes an idol, he’d be restricted from literally everything. 
  it was a normal day, your tired mind barely staying awake due to your midnight rendezvous with your friends. what was abnormal, though, was taehyung’s intentional avoidance of you. every time you approached him, he’d grow silent and slip away. every time you looked at him, knowing fully that he was boring holes into the side of your head, he’d dart his eyes, staring at the floor. it left you perplexed and slightly discouraged. the sudden lack in interest towards you rubbed you the wrong way: what could you have possibly done to drive him away this much? as you sat in silence against the brick wall, drumming your pencil against your leg, scouring through your mind for any reason for his actions, taehyung put his hand on your shoulder tenderly. the sudden touch made you simultaneously drop your pencil and look up, somewhat confused that taehyung just appeared after seemingly wanting to disappear the entire day. taehyung asked to talk. 
  he pulled you to the back of your school where it was quiet and crisp from the cold, winter air. as taehyung stood silent in front of you, wringing his hands nervously, you prepared for the worst. thousands of tragedies flew through your mind, not knowing what exactly to expect, but his body language spoke for itself. staring into your eyes deeply, he sputtered a confession of attraction, blurting how he wanted to go on a date with you. 
  how that night, so long ago, he, too, felt something different.
  the two of you had become one. 
  after graduation, that’s how the two of you lived your lives; taehyung, in and out of his busy schedule as an idol, and you, studying endlessly to pursue your medical career. taehyung had warned you that once he debuted, he’d have to leave your shared apartment and move into dorms with his friends turned co-members. you remember how this conversation went down: he talked to you as you faced him in bed, your hand resting on his clothed chest. you responded by kissing his forehead lovingly, reassuring that it’d be okay, that nothing would be wrong.
  of course, you’d said that with the thought taehyung wouldn’t become a worldwide sensation, that his face wouldn’t be all over twitter, instagram, and almost every billboard in sight. taehyung’s schedule consumed him and, as a result, your relationship as well. his appearances at your apartment became shorter and shorter, and everything felt lost. no hugs, no kisses, no dates, no nights over, no sex, no him. no nothing. it was you, in your apartment, by yourself, wishing that taehyung would unlock the door and pull you into his arms.
  his international trips hurt, too. it’s not that you didn’t trust him — no, you trust him more than anything — it was the fear which would corrode you in high school reemerging in the back of your mind. that dark whisper, moaning that everything was not okay. that taehyung knew you weren’t there, knew you wouldn’t know. what would stop him? his manager, and risk a scandal that could wreck his career? his members, who knew that if he fell, so would the entire group? no, they would never. you have no one on your side but you.
  you didn’t want to feel uneasy at the slightest thought of leaving your side, but being alone causes your deepest, darkest fears to keep you company. before taking a shower you’d stand in front of the bathroom mirror, nude, and unconsciously point out all the flaws you see in yourself. how, even with your feet apart, your legs only seemed to gain fat. how your waist was never as tiny as the women who would serenade thousands of people in sold-out concerts. how, regardless of all the good pictures you’ve snapped of yourself, you would never be pretty enough to stand confidently next to taehyung. 
  hiding the relationship was what bighit felt to be the best move. you knew it was just to protect taehyung from getting swarmed and harassed even more, but a small part of you couldn’t help but feel that it was your fault. your fault that you weren’t good enough for bighit to announce you as taehyung’s girlfriend. not thin enough for netizens to accept you as worthy of dating the kim taehyung. not smart enough, not pale enough, not attractive enough to be called his. you were afraid that bighit found you to be an embarrassment. how dare you crack the perfect image of bighit; how dare you.
  taehyung had returned from day four of their seoul concerts, which they had scheduled to end their tour, not kick it off. to the surprise of both you and his members, he’d gone straight to your apartment, falling into your arms exhaustedly. as he unhooked himself from your smaller frame, you looked up at him, quietly scrutinizing his face. he looked tired. his eyes no longer had the same glow. they were darkened and blinking slowly. he was tired. 
  at night, he clung to your body, wrapping his larger form around you. his leg rested, hooked on yours, his arms holding you as he snored softly behind your ear. you almost felt horrible. it was as if all his pain, all his sleepless nights, all his exhaustion was reflecting onto you. it was so bad that you felt it, too.
  they had let the members sleep in for once. taehyung, chest rising and falling rhythmically, was still in deep sleep at ten in the morning as you slipped out of his arms, getting out of bed. as you roll your neck, stretching your body, taehyung’s charging phone received a notification, grabbing your attention. still half asleep, you waddled towards it, reading that taehyung was expected to be at rehearsal in two hours. you groaned at the thought of waking him up after he’d just gotten some sleep, but you’d rather have him cranky for twenty minutes than stressed out that he’s late to practice shuffling towards his sleeping figure in bed, you shook his arm lightly, earning a hum and eventually the opening of eyes from your boyfriend. “already?” he croaked, pushing his unkempt hair out of his face to squint at the clock. 10:10 a.m. he slumped back into bed, groaning loudly into his pillow. he was as reluctant as you were. 
  it was their last performance of this tour, the most important one at best. you could see stress seeping through taehyung, his mood serious, his face stone cold and intimidating. you found it scary, yet oddly sexy. he’d invited you to stay backstage for the last concert, as afterward, the entire crew would go for dinner, and he wanted to spend this important night with you. his warm words suppressed the negative thoughts that clouded your mind for a moment. 
  you knew they’d come back. they always come back. 
  all members except for jungkook were backstage, either fanning themselves, changing, or renewing makeup. jungkook was on for his solo, the screams of the audience muting any conversation from backstage. you slouched on a leather couch, rolling the ball of your foot against the floor in boredom. taehyung suddenly emerged from behind a curtain with four women following close behind, his body clad in a handsome suit, perfectly defining his form, complimenting his body in every which way. he looked breathtaking, which was something you couldn’t say for yourself.
  the poltergeist which haunted your mind at the darkest hour began to emerge yet again, practically tearing your confidence down as taehyung stood tall, waiting for his stylists and makeup artists to finish their work. one woman seemed to lead all of them as she pushed them back, scolding the rest of her team as they had gotten too close.
  you only caught a glimpse of her, but it had hit you that she was essentially all you strived to be, and everything the public would expect of taehyung’s partner. her legs were long and slim, creating a perfect height between her and your boyfriend. her hair shimmering against what stage light entered past the curtain, you could see of just how beautiful she was. her eyes were large and round but still dainty and fit her face perfectly, her nose had a natural, flawless bridge, and her lips were round and complimented her features to the tee. face naturally shaped with a perfect jawline and body curvier than you could ever expect yourself to be, you felt as though you should pull away.
  where could you even go at this time? trying to find an exit to the venue, your eyes kept traveling back to taehyung and his makeup artist, who were giggling away at a joke one of them made. you despised the growing lump in your throat, knowing you had no right to be mad: you trust taehyung, and he trusts you. he’d never do anything to hurt you. 
  well, if that was the case, then why were they so close?
  you glared at the pair chuckling in unison, his makeup artist whispering a phrase as she cupped his cheek in her left hand, right hand redoing his foundation. taehyung laughed breathily at whatever she had mumbled, looking at her as if she meant the world to him. you felt that lump growing larger and larger by the second. you told yourself you wouldn’t cry, that you wouldn’t make it about yourself when it was taehyung’s time to shine, but it was hard. you were cracking.
  as an assistant swiftly switched the makeup palettes the artist was using, she bent down and exposed taehyungs chest and collarbone, re-lining black veins that were supposed to resemble a spider bite from maze runner. taehyung was now scrolling on his phone, completely oblivious to the hell you were experiencing only a few ten feet away. her hand glided down taehyung’s chest, stopping in the middle, near his solar-plexus. seeing her so close to your boyfriend who was now open chested in the middle of a cold room which already would tense his muscles, not to mention having a woman drag her hand down made the pit in your stomach grow more hollow by the second. you tried to swallow whatever thoughts plagued your mind; you knew you were probably a joke in bed compared to her. she would be so much better for him.
  you wanted to look away from the two of them acting so intimate as if she was the one who’s been by taehyung’s side since he was eighteen. that was you, it was you who sat with him and comforted him, it was you who sat alone for hours in restaurants, waiting for him to show up, it was you who could only see the remnants of taehyung’s presence from the night before, as he’d arrive and leave while you were asleep. it was you that missed his touch, his energy, his love. or was it?
  as jungkook’s stage came to a close, the audience cheering louder than ever before, the rest of the group prepared to perform ‘on’ as one, all six of them standing on a platform that would raise them into the final stage. relieved that taehyung was finally leaving her side, your delight was soon met with upset as when he climbed onto the platform, she adjusted his suit and laced her fingers with his, squeezing his hand tightly and wishing him luck. 
  this was your breaking point. you slipped out of the backstage rooms and into the venue’s hallways, dropping against the wall to catch your breath. tears rolling down your cheeks slowly, you swallowed yet again, the lump in your throat heavy and persistent. you stood in the dimly lit hallway alone, hand against the wall, trying to calm yourself down. it was nothing, you thought, trying to reason with yourself. you’re making this about you again.
  but wasn’t your relationship with taehyung partially about you? two conflicting sides fogged your mind, clouding your judgment. you had no clue as to what to do. you felt helpless, and, most dreadfully, alone. you were alone. no one with you, no one in the vicinity. it was you, and your dark thoughts. it wasn’t any different from the other times when taehyung was absent, but this was different. it was as if your fears were proven true. you felt as though there wasn’t much hope.
  after collecting yourself, you waited patiently until the end of the concert, which reached an official close around midnight. watching taehyung thank his concert staff, shaking their hands confidently and thanking them endlessly, you collected his things as well of yours, awaiting his presence next to you. to your surprise, two strong arms wrapped around your waist, a chin resting on your shoulder. “did you enjoy the show?” taehyung hummed, voice groggy from performing for hours on end.
  “mhm,” you replied, placing your phone laying on a table back into your backpack, zipping it tightly. “you did great.” you knew that you sounded out of touch; hell, even you could hear it.
  “thank you, baby,” he pecked your neck softly, something that always sends butterflies straight to your stomach. “we’re going to dinner to celebrate ‘cause, you know… end of the tour!” he beamed, pushing his cheek against yours. “do you want to come with us, or do you want to go home? it’s okay if you don’t want to come, i understand, but i really, really want to spend tonight with you and everyone else i love.”
  you looked at him tiredly. two different narratives were running in your mind: one, who wanted to support taehyung in all he does, and another, who believed you didn’t belong here, who believed no one wanted you here. with taehyung’s reassurance that at least he wanted you around, you nodded, grasping his hand. “okay, i’ll come.” you smiled weakly, kissing his temple. the amount of emotional torment that had been cycling endlessly in your mind had taken a toll on you, the way taehyung’s heavy schedule took a toll on him. the two of you slipped into a large, black ford, your mask and coat disguising you as a staff member.
  their afterparty was a dinner, the whole restaurant rented out for bangtan and the bighit staff. seated next to taehyung, you found his energetic personality to never falter, as his cheerful tone mirrored that off this afternoon. tables were connected into one large strip, the entire group chiming together with laughter and warm energy. laughter and warm energy towards everyone but you.
  taehyung knows you as someone who doesn’t talk too much in large groups; you tend to talk to a couple of people near you and don’t really venture far, not being antisocial or shy, but willingly secluded. you attempted to chime in many times to conversation, only for it to be met with awkward glances from the staff and your comments not even being registered into the table chat. your happy remarks grew quieter and quieter until you found yourself saying nothing, just picking at the food in front of you and eating quietly, realizing that everyone had someone to talk to but you.
  the most difficult thing, though, was the fact your boyfriend was sitting next to you, babbling away with his makeup artists, stylists, and manager. you’d been completely rejected from the conversation, thrown out like trash, and he hadn’t noticed. his makeup artist talked with him contentedly, seductively stirring her drink with its straw. you focused on chewing on your practically untouched, trying not to think about the chemistry that was brewing in front of you. you physically felt your heartbreak, tears brimming your eyes once again. breathing deeply, you tried to mask your pain, slouching in your chair and pulling back so that your face couldn’t be seen. taehyung’s loud burst of laughter made you realize that he hadn’t even registered your exclusion. 
  to your surprise, taehyung chose to accompany you home instead of leaving for his apartment. the car ride quiet, you sat away from taehyung, knees facing the door instead of forwards. you glanced into the midnight streets of seoul, the entire city lit up with commercial buildings, hotels, and restaurants peppering the black night. you heard taehyung shift in his leather seat, the material squeaking against his hands trying to muffle the sound. the car ride home was awkward and uncomfortable, two things you’ve never felt before when with taehyung. you’d feel happiness, excitement, your heart bursting, love dripping from you like honey. this? this was not you, and this was not him. 
  from getting out of the car, you immediately dropped your things onto the couch and beelined straight for your bedroom, wanting to get out of the clothing you’d been wearing in a hot, humid dining room for the past two hours. taehyung followed, disappearing into the bathroom to wash his face. standing in just your underwear, you caught sight of your leg on your wall mirror. shuffling fully into view, you stared at your half-nude body, shuddering at the state of it. the stress of work and your relationship had begun to take a toll on you; you noticed you’d gained some weight and that your body looked just as exhausted as you. you swiftly turned away from the mirror, not wanting to let any more dark thoughts penetrate your mind. the night had been bad enough already, why should you make it worse for yourself?
  tumbling into bed, wearing nothing but an old, large shirt of taehyung’s and your panties, you pulled the covers closer to your body, laying on your right side. you felt the mattress shift as taehyung scoot next to you, his chest hitting your back, his leg habitually enveloping yours, arms wrapping around your waist. he began to nip softly at your neck, ear, and cheek, “hey,” he murmured in between peppering you with kisses, “are you okay? you didn’t say much tonight.” 
  you lay a hand on his arms, wrapping tighter around your waist, pulling you closer to his body, and loosened them, swallowing. “i’m okay.”
  “i know that whenever you dodge my questions by saying you’re okay, you’re most definitely not okay,” he mumbled in your ear. pulling your shoulders towards him so you were facing him, he tucked the hair covering your face aside. “what’s going on, (y/n)? what happened? you can tell me,”
  looking up into his concerned, round eyes, tears involuntarily began streaming down your face, wetting the pillow next to you. taehyung pulled you closer to his chest, letting the shirt he was wearing soak your tears. he did this to make you feel protected, but also hide your face from view, knowing that he can’t help but cry whenever he sees you cry first. ‘hey, what’s happening?” he whispered tenderly, caressing your head in his hand, holding you tightly. “please, please don’t cry, we’ll figure it out! tell me what’s wrong, baby,”
  “i don’t feel like i’m enough for you,” you sighed, your voiced stifled by the fabric of his shirt.
  “baby, i can’t hear you.” he rubbed your back, kissing your forehead. 
  half dejected, half angry, you howled, “i’m not enough for you!” taehyung’s sorrowful look morphed into an astonished one, eyes darting all over your face, mouth open, trying to say something, anything. “i… i just… i see you all the time with beautiful women who are the fucking definition of the beauty standard here, beautiful faces, bodies, personalities, and i just sit there and wonder what the fuck do i have that keeps you by my side?! whenever you leave for tours, i’m mortified that you’ll find someone better than me and replace me, and even worse, with all your disappearances, i’ve been starting to think that’s already happened! you look at that fucking stylist, who i have no right to be mad at, like she’s the apple of your eye! like she’s your girlfriend, like she’s the one whose been with you since day zero! my worst fear is that you could replace me at any given moment when you’re one of the only things that make me happy right now!” you sobbed, putting your head down to avoid taehyung’s gaze. “i’m not anything like the people here. it just hurts so much to see you spend more time away from me. i’m scared, taehyung, i’m so, so scared,” you hastily wiped your tears with the back of your hand, the loud gasps and hiccups from crying still audible, even when you tried to mute them.
 “(y/n), i… i didn’t know, i’m so sorry,” taehyung was at a loss for words, seeing you, his one true love, expose how demolished you were by all of the unspoken torment. his heart began to split in two, tears forming against the corners of his eyes. “look at me,” he whimpered, prompting you to look up at his reddened face, adam’s apple bobbing. “i didn’t know you were hurting this much… but, baby, really? i’ve loved you for nearly eight years at this point, do you think i’d leave you for some janky, flirtatious lady i’ve known for less than a year? you are more than enough for me: you listen to me when i’m hurting, you comfort me when i’m sad, you make me so, so fucking happy every single day, not to mention, are amazing in bed… i could go on. you’re the smartest, most talented, most fierce woman i’ve ever met in my entire life. you look doubt right in the eye and give it the finger all the time. why not this? you mean the world to me, and i’m sorry you ever even thought i’d cheat on you or lose my love for you. i love you more and more every single day. i love your mind, i love your beauty, i love your personality, but most importantly, i love you. i’m not lying when i call you the love of my life.”
  you smiled at your boyfriend laying in front of you, a couple tears falling from his eyes and onto the pillow, disappearing into the fabric. “you’re right, i’m sorry—”
  “nuh-uh,” he stopped you, putting a finger to your lips, shaking his head. “you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m sorry that i haven’t been giving you the attention you deserve, alright? i love you more than anything in the world. i swear, this will never, ever happen again.”
  “promise?” you moved closer to him, head tucked under his neck. taehyung tilt your chin upwards and kissed you compassionately, pulling away to look at you and take in your beauty.
  “i promise.”
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queeniev · 5 years
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She is the Ultimate Queen - Chapter 2 (bnha x reader)
Small note: I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far! Sorry I took so long, I have a massive project in my English class that I’m just about finished, I love writing but school is very important to me :)
-chapter starts now-
All of us rush to the lockers and grab our P.E uniforms and book it to the change rooms. I can feel the nervousness and tension from all of the girls. We just got here, he can’t expel us yet....right?!
I hurriedly strip myself of our daily uniform and put on the tracksuit. I have a grey undershirt and red/black sneakers on. I sigh in exasperation at the fact that it’s only the first day, yet here we are, doing another test to see if we’re worthy enough to become a hero. This is just ridiculous. I aced the practical and written exam, but what can I do?
I go over to see Mina, for some reason she seems excited. She looks at me and smiles. “This is so exciting (y/n)! We can finally show off our quirks!” I look at her and lift one of my brows in confusion, “Aren’t you worried that someone will get expelled?” I question. She waves a hand in a dismissing manner and states “Yeah I’m a little nervous but it’ll be fun to see everyone go all out to keep their spot! Are you nervous (y/n)?” I slightly gulp and nod a little bit. “I see why your excited, but we just got here. Aizawa-Sensei has expelled an ENTIRE class, what’s to stop him from doing it again?!” I say in a rush.
Mina looks shocked, then slightly smirks and states “How did you know tha-“ before suddenly getting cut off by Aizawa-Sensei’s voice.
“Hurry up, I don’t have all day!” He drawls loudly.
We all scurry outside and clump into a group like kindergarteners who don’t understand what a “line” is. I can hear people murmuring about the circumstance we’ve been forced into.
“This is a Quirck Assesment Test” Aizawa-Sensei started explaining “ You kids have been doing these since Junior High too, right? Physical Fitness tests that didn’t allow the use of your quirk. The country still uses the average of those tests you all did.” Aizawa-Sensei finishes then asks a kid a question “In Junior High Bakugou, what was your best score?”
“67 meters” The attractive teen; now known as “Bakugou” said.
“Then try doing it with your quirk.” Aizawa-Sensei says.
All I see is the platinum haired hottie whip his arm and scream “DIE!” My brain short circuits for a second ‘Did he just yell Die?....’ we all think in union.
We all see Aizawa-Sensei turn around “That is the most rational way to form a hero” he states while holding up a device that reads 705.2 meters.
“Holy shit...” I say in astonishment. All of a sudden I see him turn around with a cocky smirk and winks at me. I flush so red I feel light headed. ‘Fuck he heard me...’ I anxiously think.
I feel a nudge on my shoulder and see Mina quickly wiggling her eyebrows in a smug way. I make a face and shove her, the both of us laughing.
All of a sudden, Aizawa-Sensei puts his hand through his hair and smiles saying “Welcome to U.As Hero Course!”
“Alright, demonstrations over. The real thing starts now.” Aizawa-Sensei says tiredly.
Quirk Test 1: 50 Meter Dash
The first person to run the dash was Iida, due to his quirk, he’s incredibly fast and finished the dash at 3.04 seconds. His competitor was Tsuyu Asui, a girl with a mutation quirk that essentially made her a frog, still cute though! She finished the dash at 5.58 seconds.
The next person I see getting ready to run is a girl with rosy cheeks. I can see her touching her P.E jacket and shoes. From what I can tell she has a quirk that uses either weight or gravity to her advantage.
Even with an extremely cool quirk like hers, she was too slow compared to the boy she was against. His quirk mutated him to have a tail. Ojiro Mashirao, is his name, at least I think it is; finished at 5.49 seconds while blushy- I mean Uraraka Ochaco finished at 7.15 seconds.
I smile when I see Mina walk up and crouch down at the start up line. I smile when she looks over at me and gives me a thumbs up. Before I can even tell her “Good Luck” a boy with a sparkly aura says “Everyone, you’re not being creative enough” he jumps up when the little bot says go and shoots a glittery beam from his stomach, he falls after a second and Mina rushes past him. He gets up and is a little dusty but unbothered and says “If I shoot for more than a second I get a stomachache”
Suddenly I feel a wave of tension. I look to see the really attractive yet angry boy I sit next to and a boy that literally looks like the human embodiment of a puppy competing. Bakugou Katsuki and Midoriya Izuku are their names. I see both of them get up to run then all of a sudden Bakugou puts his arms behind him and yells “Explosive Speed” and basically flys to the finish line while Midoriya looks like he’s just....running. As if he’s not using his quirk. Bakugou finishes at 4.13 seconds while Midoriya finishes at 7.02 seconds.
Quickly everyone else runs and then I’m called up, the last one. I walk up to the line and crouch down, before I can start I hear someone ask “Why is she alone? Can’t someone join her so it’s like a competition?” I can see Aizawa-Sensei get ready to say something when a girl with a black ponytail and pretty features states “Everyone else has already gone, this is the first year there has been 21 students instead of 20. Everyone needs to save up on their energy for these tests, besides I think she’s more than capable to run without a partner, right?” The pretty girl looks over at me and I get nervous and say “Right!”
“To get the best results I should use the wind aspect of my quirk, I’m still working on it but it should do.” I quickly think. I hear the tiny robot count down. I start floating so my feet are off the ground and rush forward. Leaving a breeze behind me as I go. I reach the finish line and wait for the robot to give me my results. The cute robot beeps out 4.37 seconds. I smile at the results. Mina and Hagakure rush over and glomp me in a hug shouting “YOU’RE SO COOL” I laugh loudly and deny their claims, we all go back and forth with a playful argument.
Quirk Test 2: Strength/Grip
I get a grip machine from Aizawa-Sensei and look at it, realizing that to create this machine they used already existing sources from the Earth to create this but the down fall is it won’t help too much. Since the machine is an artificial solid and is no longer connected to the Earth, I can’t control it as much. But there should be enough oils and metals for this to work out in my favour.
I squeeze on the machine as hard as I can and end up getting a 77. Without the aspect of my quirk, my usual grip is around 30-35 depending on my anger that day.
I hear a voice yell “540 kilograms? What are you, a gorilla?! An octopus?!”
I then hear a smaller voice state “Ooh, octopuses are sexy”
I feel a shudder rack my entire body in disgust.
Tests 3 & 4 seemed to be mushed together. One was jumping side to side and the other was long jump. This part of the test was so boring to me I barely remember anything except that a really short boy with what looks like grapes on his head did really well with the side jumps and Midoriya doing bad on the long jump. I feel nervous. I don’t want him to leave. No one should get expelled on their first day, but I don’t make the rules. Sensei does.
The Final Quirk Test: Ball Throw
I see Uraraka walk up to the base and get ready to throw the baseball. Her throw is light; yet the ball went on forvever. Aizawa shows us the little machine and it has an...
“INFINITY?!” We all yell in-sync, wow we’re really good at doing that. While I’m freaking out with Mina and congratulating Uraraka, I see Midoriya step up and look at the ball in frustration, I feel a pull to comfort him but I don’t, I don’t know him well enough and I doubt he wants pity right now.
I see Midoriya’s arm light up, with a veiny effect. I feel excitement bubbling throughout my body. “He’s gonna do it, he’s finally going to use his quirk!” I squeak in my head. I rock back and forth on the balls of my feet in suspense.
The ball moves about 46 meters and we all stare in shock when Aizawa-Sensei’s hair and scarf start floating, even though I can’t see his face, his body language and aura screams intimidation.
“I erased your quirk” Aizawa-Sensei starts, Midoriya gasps and spins to face him. “That entrance exam was definitely not rational enough; From what I can tell, you can’t completely control your quirk, can you?” Aizawa-Sensei questions, more like states. He continues
“Do you intend to become incapacitated again and have someone save you?” Midoriya rushes his response “Th-That’s not my intention-“ before Midoriya can even finish his sentence; Aizawa-Sensei’s scarf wraps around Midoriya and pulls him to be at least a foot away. “Izuku Midoriya. With your power, you can’t become a hero.” All of a sudden my heart stops. Even though Aizawa-Sensei isn’t talking to me, I can feel Midoriyas pain and it’s excruciating. Due to half of my power being all about life, I can sometimes feel emotions if they’re strong enough and let me tell you, it hurt.
Then in the blink of an eye, Aizawa-Sensei’s hair and scarf dropped back down, releasing Midoriya; his head hung low.
“I’ve returned your quirk, you have two turns for the ball throw, hurry up and get it over with.” Aizawa-Sensei says as he walks away, a thoughtful expression on his face.
Midoriya gains back the fire in his eyes and throws the ball, at the last minute he released four of his fingers and flicked the baseball, sending it flying. All of us gasp in shock and awe at the duality this guy had.
“Sensei” Midoriya says “I can still move!” While gripping his injured hand
At Midoriya’s statment, Aizawa-Sensei smiles in the weirdest way possible.
“He got over 700 meters?!” “Finally a hero-like record!” “His finger’s swollen...” Everyone states at the same time. I feel someone shaking in anger next to me. I look up and see it’s Bakugou except he no longer looks like a model, but looks like a meme. “What is the meaning of this? Hey! Tell me what’s going on Deku, you bastard!” Bakugou growls out while Midoriya flinches back in shock and in a split second; Aizawa-Sensei started using his quirk again to tie up Bakugou.
Bakugou looks back as Sensei explains his scarfs “They’re weapons for capture, made of carbon fiber and woven together with metal made of a special alley. Jeez...Don’t keep making me use my quirk over and over again, I have dry eyes! Besides we’re wasting time, whoever’s next get ready.”
I hurriedly walk up to the base and devise a plan. “ I know I’m going to have to use air so the ball stays in the air longer, but what if I condense the water in the air? Would it help...?” I sigh and whip the ball as hard as I can. Feeling confident about my score I look over to see Sensei holding up the little machine that reads “528.7” I smile and walk back over to the group. Not noticing the shocked looks on some people’s faces.
After that, the other tests were basic. Sit-ups, Seated toe touches, Long-distance run, etc. We all walk back to the ball throw area as Sensei shows us our scores. I search for my name and see it’s next to a bright 6. I feel pride coursing thorough my veins. Even though I wasn’t in the top three, I’m in the top ten which is good enough for me.
Sensei quickly shuts off the device and states “By the way, I was lying about the expulsion. It was a tactical ruse so that all of you would do your best.”
Everyone sighs in relief while Momo Yaoyorozu goes of on a tangent on “of course he was bluffing, it was obvious blah blah blah.”
“With that, we’re done here.” Aizawa-Sensei drawls as he hands Midoriya a slip of paper to go see Recovery Girl.
I slink away from my friends and walk up to Momo. We talk for a little bit and complement one another, we eventually exchange numbers. Out of everyone in the class I have four new friends. Momo, Uraraka, Mina and Hagakure.
“I need to tell you something Momo.” I say kindly “Please do not get upset” Momo looks at me and nods he head while smiling, saying that she promises to be ok. I nod back and begin “Momo, if it were anyone else, Aizawa-Sensei would have expelled them. He stated he only expelles people if they have no potential. Even tough Midoriya did below-average on every other test, he did really well on the ball throw. Aizawa-Sensei sees potential in him. That’s why he wasn’t expelled. Aizawa-Sensei has expelled an entire class before. It’s insane!” I ramble on.
Momo looks shocked and the fact Sensei expelled an entire class. We both walk and talk until we reach the change rooms. But I can confidently say, I am going to love it here.
Note: Hey Guys! I’m sorry this chapter took so long! I had a massive block and I was so focused on my school work that I forgot about this. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! P.s I used “Sensei” and “Aizawa-Sensei” a LOT during this chapter. The reasoning for this is when you’re a student you always put “Mr” or “Mrs, Miss, Ms” infront of a teachers name when you talk or think about them. Though reading it was tedious and annoying, it’s proper and formal. I hope you guys don’t mind too much :)
Xoxo
-Victoria
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warmbeebosoftbeebo · 5 years
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OOf giving be a handjob and he keeps bucking his hips and u keep edging him and u finally let him cum and you make him taste himself fuckkk while hes moaning and looking at u with those puppy eyes! 💕💞💖💞💖😆😫
sweetbaby jesus. this is…magnificent :)
youliterally lay him out on some blankets and pillows in front of thefireplace at the cabin, straddling him, kissing him, rocking onhim… he’s gasping n moaning soft already and honestly? so areyou. can feel yourself soaking through your underwear. “fuckb…too much clothing…” almost frustrated as you strip yr topoff, glad you’re braless as he kisses over your neck, collarbone,sucking soft, undoing yr pants and you roll off him to kick them off,reaching for his shirt, tugging, as he gets his off. you’re rubbingover his tummy, his mostly hard cock through his briefs, kissing him,pressing yr mound into his hip.
“gonnagive you a massage b,” you murmur, kissing over his jaw, neck,other hand stroking through his hair, still teasing that gorgeouscock of his. “get you naked in front of the fireplace…rubessential oils–” you can’t help giggling now, reciting brendon’slet’s get it on riffs, “all over your buttcheeks. god, you’resuch a boob.” you giggle more as you smooch over his breasts,shifting to his thigh, circular little thrusts, mouth closing overhis areola, tongue swiping that tiny little nipple. “don’t forgetthe naked bear hugs,” he adds, stroking over yr hair, neck. “oh,lots of those for my tiny boy bear.” and you call him a boob. youtwo are quite the pair. you nuzzle, kiss over that little strip ofhair between his, slide yr hand inside, encircling him, loose, thenfirmer, but still short, lazy jerks, feeling him get harder. fuck,he’s so silky n warm n full. you wanna rub all over it, all overhim, get your pussy n hands n tits n belly n thighs all over him.squeezy humpy kissy naked bear hugs. shit, sex with him is so *fun* nsweaty n wet n achy n orgasmic n…
“fuck,y/n…need to make you feel good too…” “mmm…” you pull yourhand away to his whimper, but your grinning, shifting to wriggle yourbriefs off (with cotton, you preferred briefs over panties any day.silk n satin on the other hand, whether you and/or b were wearingthem, could go either way, n was another story from other sexytimes).you reach under the pillow for that massage oil–ediblestrawberry-vanilla–and yr good boy’s gotten naked n is rollingonto his belly. “should i assume the position?” he winks,wiggling that booty, rocking into the pillow under him, gasping.“want a lil oil for that b?” you grin, laying on him, rockinginto his ass, after you get some on yr hand. smooching his shoulder,shifting up. he follows, letting you get yr slick hand under him,sliding along his tip, underside, balls, back up n he rocks into it,gasping, n you’re moving back, subtle swivels against his ass, pressing his dick between yr hand n his pelvis n lower belly. jacking him for a few seconds so he’ll all slick, then pressing to him again, bottom of yr hand rocking against his dick, till you feel him spurt. fuck…all hard n wet n hot for you. you wanna touch him more, love playing with his dick n balls…silky as fuck. 
but this is supposed to be a long tease, and you promised a massage first. he whimpers “no, don’t stop,” humping the pillow as yr hand leaves. “slow down baby…” n he does. “such a good boy for me, b. letting me tease n play with you however i want…” you move off him, and fuck you’re teasing yrself too. dribble some oil over his back, rub it over him, focusing between his shoulder blades, and the “oh godddd” he let’s out shoots through yr cunt n even uterus, it seems like, hard n fast.
 you squirt some more out on his ass n thighs, kneading there too, fingertips slipping between his cheeks, massaging there too, pressing but not sliding in, rubbing cicles down to his perineum as he shifts n spreads, giving you access to his balls. fuck, you wanna kiss down his back, ass, spread his cheeks, squeezing them, lick a stripe from his tailbone to his balls, back up. get him on his knees, head in a pillow, giving you lots of leeway to suck over his balls, try to bend his aching throbbing dick down so you can suck n tongue over his tip, nuzzling his balls, smelling n tasting him n the oil… fuck.and you are, him rocking against yr face n tongue n sucking mouth… licking over his tip, balls, not wanting him to get too close… stopping again. “jesus fuck, please…” you grasp his hips, pulling him to you, humping into him, stroking from his hair, neck, back with, back up, tugging his hair gently, rubbing fingertips over his scalp n nape of his neck. “please what b?” “make me fucking come…but something tells me your not done being a tease…” “no, sir,” you chuckle. you tap his inner thigh n he spreads n you press down on his lower back, n he slides back down. flat. you rub some oil over yr tits, belly, thighs, mound, then you lay on him again. slipping easily along him, sliding yr tits on down over him, back n forth a couple times, kissing over his neck n shoulders n jaw when you can. 
he turns smooching you on the lips. n you rock yr mound against him till you can’t fucking take anymore, getting close a couple times yrself, it not quite enough to come, moaning n pleading n sighing into his mouth. you manage to get up–slippery isn’t easy for that–then straddle his ass, using yr hands pressed into his back as leverage to rock back n forth, quick n firm considering the oil, and you’re coming in a minute, tensing n melting n bursting n humping some more. him rocking into the pillow again too. a second follows, then you shift down, panting in his ear, on yr elbows, rocking more than thrusting now, then circling, savoring it, letting it lessen till you’re not desperate, then building back up, getting close, not letting it happen, slowing, whimpering, then faster n humping harder till it hits again. 
“edging myself here too…like im gonna do you…fuck…gonna make you come though…roll over n i’ll do yr front too…rub all over you, especially that cock of yrs…hands n pussy n mouth n everything…fuck, brendon….” but you’re holding him down as you say it, pining his wrists, rocking into him still. “yeah, fuck…can i?” you don’t want to part from him, love feeling his skin on yrs so much, but you do, n he flips over, so swollen he’s thicker than usual when he’s hard…kissing his lips, his thigh between yrs, rocking again, squeezing n jacking him, not touching the tip directly, just sliding the skin back n forth with how you’re jacking him in seconds. his hands in yr hair, tongues playing, your cunt throbbing n aching for him again, getting slick all over his thigh. he’ rocking into yr grip. “tell me when you’re close baby…soon before you’re gonna come…get us even messier…” he nods, mmmhmming, n it’s only seconds before he’s stuttering “f-fuck, close, gonna–” and you let go of his dick to his whimper…he spurts some more precum anyway n you rub soft over his balls. “good boy…my good boy,” you whisper, kissing over his face. “cutest nose too. n lashes.” kissing over both. “n cheeks. n lips…” making out again…fuck, french kissing is ridiculously good with him. “sometimes i can’t decide if i’d rather kiss yr face or sit on it, b…” “there’s always both,” he pants. 
“mmmhmm..” you shift, getting yr thigh between his legs, pressing to his balls n dick, as you grind your way to a forth orgasm. “think i should make you wait till i come 3 more times before i let you come, baby? or have a bit of mercy?” “either way is good with me…but with the mercy, still wanna see you come more….” he chuckles. nuzzle noses, then move to straddle his lips, spreading yr pussy over his length. “maybe i’ll let you come if i come on this silky, aching cock…twice…get too close before then…” you think you’ll move up to his belly, hump it as his dick strains, twitches, spurts, desperate for your snatch, or anything, desperate for touch, friction, sliding wetness, only sliding back down once you’ve come again. fuck, you’re coming again, thoughts n sensations jumbled n overwhelming. you keep rocking, mostly clit to tip, but long slides too, rubbing on his balls, then grinding on his base n balls as it hits again… “jesus fuck…” you manage to lift off, barely, rolling onto yr back, watching him spurt more, twitch… “fuck b, bet it hurts…those poor balls…n dick…” “fuck. kinda.: rubbing yr hand over his belly to his pubes, thighs, skipping his niggly bits. you straddle him again, facing away, n he strokes over yr back n ass as you play with his balls…only going to his dick after a couple minutes. 
“need to come baby?…tell me you need it.” he moans, pleading, “god please, need to please…fuckfuck…god gonna eat you out, get you on my face, so good, if you let me come…” his words have you humping his belly, wondering who’ll beat who, as you hold him, thumbing over his tip. “b, k, promise you’ll taste it? taste us both i mean…” “god yes…” “good boy…gonna come for me? come all over us…c’mon baby…” jacking him firm before sliding so his dick’s rocking against yr mound, two fingers focused on his frenulum, n he’s moaning, pleading, crying out… “fuck, gonna come for you…fuckfuckfuck…” tensing, hands squeezing yr ass hard enough to leave marks for a bit, rocking, trembling, going lax… “jesus fuck. fuck, y/n…” 
shit, you wanted to see his face too as you got him off…he’s so fucking gorgeous when he comes. all the time, but especially when he’s close, when he’s coming. you slide off, turn around, trail a hand over his chest, to his crotch n thighs, gathering up some jizz, watching his face, eyes, still shut, panting n softly moaning so sexy still. you trace a wet finger over his lips and his lips open easily, sucking it in, moaning around yr fingers. eyes fluttering open–soft n hot n needy n puppyish. eyes n the rest of him too. you pull it out to his whimper, but you’re sliding kissing him, tasting you both n the oil. “nice combination, huh?” you tease, waggling yr eyebrows, yr fingers trailing through your slick lips, over yr mound, a streak of his come on yr thigh, n he’s lifting his head, sucking yr fingers in. “tastes so good…’specially you,” he muffles, then moans, n you can feel them… lashes fluttering, but half open.
he licks over yr fingers, between them, rubs his tongue over them…n fuck… you’re thinking of getting yr pussy there instead, gazing down at him while he meets you with those sweet puppy babe eyes, licking n sucking n moaning over you, sending vibrations through you as you rock over those plush lips n tongue. “think you can manage me sitting on your face, honey?” he’s nodding, a muffled “fuck,” sucking harder on yr fingers before sliding them out. “gimme,” he jokes, grabbing yr hips, ass, shimmying you up as you giggle. 
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